[DRAFT] Does Eisnerland Need Cultural Sensitivity?

[Baloo Kingdom]

Hello, users of the Got Issues Forum! I bring to you my 4th and latest attempt at writing an issue. The issue is pretty sparse as of now, so please feel free to leave any complaints, comments, concerns, or suggestions in the forum. Thanks!

The Issue:

Draft 8

[title] Does Eisnerland Need Cultural Sensitivity?

[desc] Following the opening of Eisner Entreprises’ Eisnerland, some of the park’s themed attractions have been criticized for being both culturally and racially insensitive, the foremost attraction in the matter being Eisnerland’s Paradise Riverboats. Examples of such racial insensitivity include the ride's gruesome depiction of native Bigtopians as savages and the riverboat pilot's scripted tendencies to crack offensive "Bigwig" puns. While visiting the park the unrest is clear.

[validity] Must have received Issue 818 and allowed Eisnerland to be constructed in some form, must have Capitalism installed

[option]"It’s time for Eisnerland to change for the better," chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, vigorously waving @@HIS@@ 'Bigtopian Lives Matter' sign. "Eisnerland’s Paradise Riverboats are blatantly racist and Walter Eisner knows it! Him and that @@ANIMAL@@-loving company of his. I mean, the attraction literally refers to the natives as ‘Bigwigs’ for Violet’s sake! Threaten Eisner Entreprises with a lawsuit, blackmail them into shutting-down that ugly symbol of racial hate! Equality cannot be silenced!" @@HE@@ enters a sudden violent coughing spell, presumably from @@HIS@@ ear-damaging shouting, "Ugh, give a second to take a shot of my cough syrup or two..."
[effect]anything short of racial colorblindness is prohibited in the Eisnerland Park

[option]"We apologize for any problems you may have with our attraction," recites @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the various faceless and brainwashed employees of Eisnerland. "Mr. Eisner does not wish to offend anyone, especially those of Bigtopian background. We did not realize that the Paradise Riverboats would be insulting, we just wanted to make Paradise Riverboats historically accurate. Please, let us partially alter the Paradise Riverboats, perhaps eliminate some particularly questionable jokes, and tone down on a couple of the native depictions you deem insensitive. Maybe you could overlook this mishap, and allow us to keep this cherished attraction open. Eisnerland would be happy to accommodate you if choose so." He adjusts his cast member badge and proceeds to recite his hourly "Eisner Loyalty Pledge" before going dead-eyed and ominously walking to a nearby employee lounge.
[effect]suspicious amounts gifts containing free Quickpasses have been arriving at your doorstep lately

[option]"Alter Paradise Riverboats?! You can’t do that!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, an avid Eisnerland superfan and secret cult follower of the Socialist ideal. "The Paradise Riverboats is a classic and iconic attraction! Altering it would destroy my nostalgia- I mean would be disrespecting Walter Eisner's masterpiece! I implore you to dictate that Eisner cannot change the attraction, in fact, I suggest you seize Eisner Entreprises altogether. That'll set a precedent. @@LEADER@@, don’t let them take away my childhood memories!"
[policy]cancels Capitalism policy, installs Socialism policy
[effect]Eisnerland has proudly been renamed to "@@@LEADER@@land"

[Drew Durrnil]

This is so you lmao
Also its a good draft!
The effect line also shouldn't start with the letter "I".

[Baloo Kingdom]

This is so you lmao
Also its a good draft!
The effect line also shouldn't start with the letter "I".

Is it ok if the I is in quotation marks? The "I" is part of the name

[Drew Durrnil]

This is so you lmao
Also its a good draft!
The effect line also shouldn't start with the letter "I".

Is it ok if the I is in quotation marks? The "I" is part of the name

I'm not sure so I'll leave that to a more experienced issues author.

[Baloo Kingdom]

Is it ok if the I is in quotation marks? The "I" is part of the name

I'm not sure so I'll leave that to a more experienced issues author.

Ok thanks

[Terrabod]

This is so you lmao
Also its a good draft!
The effect line also shouldn't start with the letter "I".

Is it ok if the I is in quotation marks? The "I" is part of the name

Yes, this is fine. I do think "Bigwig" is all one word, though. Oh, and your effect lines should not end with full stops.

But I guess a bigger question is why is Leader involved? In the real life case, didn't Disney just agree to change the ride? So if people aren't happy about a culturally insensitive ride, we know that government involvement isn't necessary to resolve the dispute. I've still included some comments that I hope you find useful, but you might need to reconsider your premise.

[desc]Following the opening of Eisner Entreprises’ Eisnerland, some of the park’s themed attractions have been criticized for being both culturally and racially insensitive, the foremost attraction in the matter being Eisnerland’s Paradise Riverboats.

Detail, details, details! Humour is in the details, so I think you could add some humour by telling the reader exactly why the rides were "culturally and racially insensitive". I would also limit the controversy to just the ride in question since and that would mean you can focus in on exactly why that ride has been labelled "insensitive".

[option]"It’s time for Eisnerland to change for the better," chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, vigorously waving their “Bigtopian Lives Matter” sign. "Eisnerland’s Paradise Riverboats are blatantly racist and Walter Eisner knows it! I mean, the attraction literally refers to the natives as ‘Big Wigs’ for Violet’s sake! I demand Eisner Entreprises shut down this horrid attraction until they can replace it with something I would want to show my children."

If you put @@HIS@@ instead of "their" it'll automatically change to "his" or "her" depending on whether @@RANDOMNAME@@ is male or female. I would also put "Bigtopian Lives Matter" in apostrophes ('Bigtoptian Lives Matter') to differentiate it from the speech. Also watch out for curved inverted commas “ and curved apostrophes ’ - these should be replaced with straight inverted commas " and straight apostrophes '.

[option]"We apologize for any problems you may have with our attraction," recites @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the various faceless employees of Eisnerland. "Mr. Eisner does not wish to offend anyone, especially those of Bigtopian background. Please, let us mildly alter the Paradise Riverboats, and maybe we can come to an understanding."

Is this just doing the same thing as Option 1? Both are asking you to ensure that the riverboat ride is replaced with something more appropriate.

[option]"Alter Paradise Riverboats?! You can’t do that!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, with a slew of Eisnerland pins and memorabilia slung across @@HIS@@ body. "The Paradise Riverboats is a classic and iconic attraction! Altering it would destroy my nostalgia- I mean would disrespecting Walter Eisner masterpiece! I implore you @@LEADER@@, don’t let them take away my attraction."

The big issue with this option is that it does the same thing as the dismiss button; essentially Leader chooses to do nothing. There needs to be an alternative dilemma here, not just change the ride or don't change the ride.

[Baloo Kingdom]

Yes, this is fine. I do think "Bigwig" is all one word, though. Oh, and your effect lines should not end with full stops.

But I guess a bigger question is why is Leader involved? In the real life case, didn't Disney just agree to change the ride? So if people aren't happy about a culturally insensitive ride, we know that government involvement isn't necessary to resolve the dispute. I've still included some comments that I hope you find useful, but you might need to reconsider your premise.


Detail, details, details! Humour is in the details, so I think you could add some humour by telling the reader exactly why the rides were "culturally and racially insensitive". I would also limit the controversy to just the ride in question since and that would mean you can focus in on exactly why that ride has been labelled "insensitive".


If you put @@HIS@@ instead of "their" it'll automatically change to "his" or "her" depending on whether @@RANDOMNAME@@ is male or female. I would also put "Bigtopian Lives Matter" in apostrophes ('Bigtoptian Lives Matter') to differentiate it from the speech. Also watch out for curved inverted commas “ and curved apostrophes ’ - these should be replaced with straight inverted commas " and straight apostrophes '.


Is this just doing the same thing as Option 1? Both are asking you to ensure that the riverboat ride is replaced with something more appropriate.


The big issue with this option is that it does the same thing as the dismiss button; essentially Leader chooses to do nothing. There needs to be an alternative dilemma here, not just change the ride or don't change the ride.

Thanks for all of the feedback again Terrabod! I've touched up on mostly all of your comments and have made each of the options much more unique than previously. I've altered some of the options to make @@LEADER@@ more involved in the decision. The technical errors have been fixed as well. Your continued support is cherised.

[Australian rePublic]

Who's Walter Eisner? What's Eisner Enterprise?

[Baloo Kingdom]

Who's Walter Eisner? What's Eisner Enterprise?

See Issue 818, this is a sort of sequel issue. If my issue was accepted, it would only be available to people who have received the issue and chosen one of two options allowing Eisner Enterprises to construct Eisnerland either in the desert or in a more urban area (either way doesn't matter). It seems rather specific, I know.

[Baloo Kingdom]

/bump

[Terrabod]

/bump

Save your bumping until your draft falls off the front page of Got Issues or has been sitting on the front page for over a week, you scoundrel! It's impolite to rush the commenters here in Got Issues since we give up our free time to help you (when we're able to find the time).

[Baloo Kingdom]

/bump

Save your bumping until your draft falls off the front page of Got Issues or has been sitting on the front page for over a week, you scoundrel! It's impolite to rush the commenters here in Got Issues since we give up our free time to help you (when we're able to find the time).

My apologies. Even with a year of NS under my belt, I still didn't know that. Won't happen again. The pursuit of knowledge continues.

[Candensia]

You have an interesting narrative here. But something I’m noticing throughout is that it's just somewhat unfunny. I understand this topic matter must be approached with care, but the tone isn't particularly serious either, and I think there are some ways you can utilize your opening to set up jokes throughout the issue.

[desc] Following the opening of Eisner Entreprises’ Eisnerland, some of the park’s themed attractions have been criticized for being both culturally and racially insensitive... Examples of such racial insensitivity include the ride's gruesome depiction of native Bigtopians as savages and the riverboat pilot's scripted tendencies to crack offensive "Bigwig" puns. While visiting the park the unrest is clear.

Given how the company very clearly wants to resolve the situation in option 2, it seems to me that they didn't realize the ride at their new park would be so controversial. Try to craft a situation that is problematic, but also something the rich-corporate types wouldn't necessarily foresee.


For example, an adult park guest from Zompaboodland arrives and (since Zompa-Bodans are only knee-tall) they find out they're too short for all the rides. Park employees even ask the tiny guest if they're lost or separated from their parents, not realizing they're from Zompaboodland. Thus the park is accused of being racially and culturally insensitive.


Essentially, if you can set up the premise with a little more humor, you can more easily drive up the joke count in the options, which'll make the whole thing more enjoyable.

[Baloo Kingdom]

You have an interesting narrative here. But something I’m noticing throughout is that it's just somewhat unfunny. I understand this topic matter must be approached with care, but the tone isn't particularly serious either, and I think there are some ways you can utilize your opening to set up jokes throughout the issue.

[desc] Following the opening of Eisner Entreprises’ Eisnerland, some of the park’s themed attractions have been criticized for being both culturally and racially insensitive... Examples of such racial insensitivity include the ride's gruesome depiction of native Bigtopians as savages and the riverboat pilot's scripted tendencies to crack offensive "Bigwig" puns. While visiting the park the unrest is clear.

Given how the company very clearly wants to resolve the situation in option 2, it seems to me that they didn't realize the ride at their new park would be so controversial. Try to craft a situation that is problematic, but also something the rich-corporate types wouldn't necessarily foresee.


For example, an adult park guest from Zompaboodland arrives and (since Zompa-Bodans are only knee-tall) they find out they're too short for all the rides. Park employees even ask the tiny guest if they're lost or separated from their parents, not realizing they're from Zompaboodland. Thus the park is accused of being racially and culturally insensitive.


Essentially, if you can set up the premise with a little more humor, you can more easily drive up the joke count in the options, which'll make the whole thing more enjoyable.

Thanks for the awesome feedback, I'll see what I can do to further fix it up. The humor part is what I struggle with the most. I like to take an extremely neutral and consequentially stale approach to issue-making. Again, thank you for the feedback, and I'll get working.

[Baloo Kingdom]

I think it's safe to /bump this now