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[SUBMITTED] still need title

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The Allied Tribe
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[SUBMITTED] still need title

Postby The Allied Tribe » Mon Dec 28, 2020 11:31 am

I got bored again, so here's my second issue attempt. Probably needs a lot of work.

Draft 3
[title] ???
[desc] The nations of Althaniq and Beluzia have fought a long proxy conflict over control of their region, in which thousands of civilians have recently died. There is no end to the war in sight despite the efforts of international organizations, and you have called a meeting to discuss what to do next, as most of your nation's oil and iron comes from the region.

[validity] must have a defense force

[option] @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Althaniq ambassador is the first to speak. "If we can control the region, we will make sure the status quo is maintained, our allies will be able to survive, and nations who declare themselves the primary Muslim nation like Beluzia will pay. By keeping the status quo, we can finally restore peace and breathe a sigh of relief. If you still aren't convinced, our oil is vital to your nation's economy, and we will stop exporting it to you if you don't help us in our conflict."
[effect] sclerotic nations cheer as rebellions are suppressed


[option] "Althaniq will not stabilize the region, only weaken it," claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Beluzian ambassador. "By controlling the region, rebellions against our autocratic enemies will succeed, the only true way to maintain stability. After our revolution against the old totalitarian regime, we were surrounded by enemies and our nation was at risk of invasion. We don't intend to invade our enemies, only keep our people safe."
[effect] rebels cheer as nations continue to destabilize

[option] "Despite their claims @@LEADER@@, you should help keep the peace in the region and not choose sides," contends @@RANDOMNAME@@, Security Council President of the World Assembly. "The wars have devastated the region, and countries can't function when wars between other nations occur inside their borders. With more supporters of our cause, we may be able to cool the conflict down with diplomacy, or even end it entirely."
[effect] @@NAME@@ is known for negotiating ceasefires

[option] "I have a better solution," announces General @@RANDOMNAME@@. "It seems that our victory in the war against Brasilistan has given us a reputation as great fighters. We should sell mercenaries to both sides, and if they do well in battle, more nations may want to buy our mercenaries, and we could become rich! After all, war is good for business, if you do business right."
[effect] money can't buy love but it can buy victory in battle

[option] "How are these wars our problem?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, an isolationist. "By entering wars, even peacekeeping, we are risking @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ lives in conflicts that aren't ours! We will only become prosperous when we stop joining all conflicts that don't directly affect us and make sure we save @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ lives. @@NAME@@ first!"
[effect] @@NAME@@ happily watches as nations commit war crimes

[title] ???
[desc] The nations of Althaniq and Beluzia have fought a long proxy conflict over control of their region and in which thousands of civilians have recently died. There is no end to the war in sight despite the efforts of international organizations, and you have called a meeting to discuss what to do next, as most of your nation's oil and iron comes from the region.

[validity] not autarky and must have a defense force

[option] @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Althaniq ambassador is the first to speak. "If we can control the region, we will make sure the status quo is maintained, and nations who declare themselves the primary Aqibist nation like Beluzia will pay. By keeping the status quo, we can finally restore peace and breathe a sigh of relief. If you still aren't convinced, our oil is vital to your nation's economy, and we will stop exporting it to you if you don't help us in our conflict."
[effect] sclerotic nations cheer as rebellions are suppressed



[option] "Althaniq will not stabilize the region, only weaken it," claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Beluzian ambassador. "By controlling the region, rebellions against autocratic nations will succeed, the only true way to maintain stability. If you support us, the people will be one step closer to triumph!"
[effect] rebels cheer as nations continue to destabilize

[option] "Despite their claims @@LEADER@@, you should help keep the peace in the region and not choose sides," contends @@RANDOMNAME@@, Security Council President of the World Assembly. "The wars have devastated the region, and countries can't function when wars between other nations occur inside their borders. With more supporters of our cause, we may be able to cool the conflict down with diplomacy, or even end it entirely."
[effect] @@NAME@@ is known for negotiating ceasefires

[option] "I have a better solution," announces General @@RANDOMNAME@@. "It seems that our victory in the war against Brasilistan has given us a reputation as great fighters. We should sell mercenaries to both sides, and if they do well in battle, more nations may want to buy our mercenaries, and we could become rich! After all, war is good for business, if you do business right."
[effect] money can't buy love but it can buy victory in battle

[option] "How are these wars our problem?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, an isolationist. "By entering wars, even peacekeeping, we are risking @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ lives in conflicts that aren't ours! We will only become prosperous when we stop joining all conflicts that don't directly affect us and make sure we save @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ lives. @@NAME@@ first!"
[effect] @@NAME@@ happily watches as nations commit war crimes


[title] ???
[desc] The nations of Althaniq and Beluzia have fought a long proxy conflict over control of their region, in which thousands of civilians have recently died. There is no end to the war in sight despite the efforts of international organizations, and you have called a meeting to discuss what to do next.

[validity] must have a defense force

[option] @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Althaniq ambassador is the first to speak. "If we can control the region, we will make sure the status quo is maintained, and nations who declare themselves the primary Aqibist nation like Beluzia will pay. By keeping the status quo, we can finally restore peace and breathe a sigh of relief. If you still aren't convinced, our oil is vital to your nation's economy, and we will stop exporting it to you if you don't help us in our conflict."
[effect] sclerotic nations cheer as rebellions are suppressed



[option] "Althaniq will not stabilize the region, only weaken it," claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Beluzian ambassador. "By controlling the region, rebellions against autocratic nations will succeed, the only true way to maintain stability. If you support us, the people will be one step closer to triumph!"
[effect] rebels cheer as nations continue to destabilize

[option] "Despite their claims @@LEADER@@, you should help keep the peace in the region and not choose sides," contends @@RANDOMNAME@@, Security Council President of the World Assembly. "The wars have devastated the region, and countries can't function when wars between other nations occur inside their borders. With more supporters of our cause, we may be able to cool the conflict down with diplomacy, or even end it entirely."
[effect] @@NAME@@ is known for negotiating ceasefires

[option] "I have a better solution," announces General @@RANDOMNAME@@. "It seems that our victory in the war against Brasilistan has given us a reputation as great fighters. We should sell mercenaries to both sides, and if they do well in battle, more nations may want to buy our mercenaries, and we could become rich! After all, war is good for business, if you do business right."
[effect] money can't buy love but it can buy victory in battle

[option] "How are these wars our problem?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, an isolationist. "By entering wars, even peacekeeping, we are risking @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ lives in conflicts that aren't ours! We will only become prosperous when we stop joining all conflicts that don't directly affect us and make sure we save @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ lives. @@NAME@@ first!"
[effect] @@NAME@@ happily watches as nations commit war crimes
Last edited by The Allied Tribe on Thu Feb 04, 2021 10:34 am, edited 7 times in total.
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Electrum
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Postby Electrum » Sat Jan 02, 2021 5:23 pm

I think this issue falls over in its premise. Why is leader intervening? Are they brokering peace talks? We have no idea about how Althaniq and Beluzia are governed, or why they are fighting, or why we should intervene. I think issues that involve @@NAME@@ going into war should personally involve @@NAME@@ in some way, otherwise you just have to explain too much.
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The Allied Tribe
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Postby The Allied Tribe » Mon Jan 11, 2021 5:10 pm

Bump, no suggestions have been given in a while.
Last edited by The Allied Tribe on Mon Jan 11, 2021 5:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A pacifist nation located on an island. Nothing notable other than its compulsory vegetarianism.
Founder/Leader of the United International Cooperative
Canon NS Policies
Users who have disrespected The Allied Tribe (IC): 9

Our official name is The Allied Tribe, but we are also called Deetil-Deluai.
Allied Tribe War is over, The Allied Tribe repels an invasion by ZSeparatists |The Allied Tribe officially bans Child Labor, Compulsory Organ Harvesting | The Allied Tribe states that force must be used strictly defensively, begins armed neutrality and cuts aggressive military ties with all nations

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Tinhampton
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Postby Tinhampton » Mon Jan 11, 2021 7:06 pm

Electrum gave you a perfectly good suggestion nine days ago :P
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The Allied Tribe
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Postby The Allied Tribe » Mon Jan 11, 2021 8:08 pm

Tinhampton wrote:Electrum gave you a perfectly good suggestion nine days ago :P


And that’s the only issue with this draft?

I also might have fixed it.
Last edited by The Allied Tribe on Mon Jan 11, 2021 10:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A pacifist nation located on an island. Nothing notable other than its compulsory vegetarianism.
Founder/Leader of the United International Cooperative
Canon NS Policies
Users who have disrespected The Allied Tribe (IC): 9

Our official name is The Allied Tribe, but we are also called Deetil-Deluai.
Allied Tribe War is over, The Allied Tribe repels an invasion by ZSeparatists |The Allied Tribe officially bans Child Labor, Compulsory Organ Harvesting | The Allied Tribe states that force must be used strictly defensively, begins armed neutrality and cuts aggressive military ties with all nations

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Lelscrep
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Postby Lelscrep » Mon Jan 11, 2021 9:26 pm

Two things stand out for me.

Firstly, except for some of the earliest NS issues, real world religions are not mentioned in NS, being in this issue would be a large change of precedent on the part of the editors. Information regarding NS religion.

Secondly, admittedly smaller, I'm not really sure why or how just some random regular person has the attention of @@LEADER@@ - the "isolationist". Maybe either make them a known figure, or have the speaker just be some random person in passing.

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The Allied Tribe
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Postby The Allied Tribe » Mon Jan 11, 2021 9:44 pm

Lelscrep wrote:Two things stand out for me.

Firstly, except for some of the earliest NS issues, real world religions are not mentioned in NS, being in this issue would be a large change of precedent on the part of the editors. Information regarding NS religion.

Secondly, admittedly smaller, I'm not really sure why or how just some random regular person has the attention of @@LEADER@@ - the "isolationist". Maybe either make them a known figure, or have the speaker just be some random person in passing.


I've noted both of this. For the first one, the original faith was "Aqibism" but after viewing that real world religions were actually referenced in NS issues I changed it to Islam. I could just change back, so not too much of a problem.

For the second part, it was just a mistake on my part. I'll fix it to make them more notable.

Also, I might have fixed the premise. I think it's fine but I might have to rework without explaining too much.
Last edited by The Allied Tribe on Mon Jan 11, 2021 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A pacifist nation located on an island. Nothing notable other than its compulsory vegetarianism.
Founder/Leader of the United International Cooperative
Canon NS Policies
Users who have disrespected The Allied Tribe (IC): 9

Our official name is The Allied Tribe, but we are also called Deetil-Deluai.
Allied Tribe War is over, The Allied Tribe repels an invasion by ZSeparatists |The Allied Tribe officially bans Child Labor, Compulsory Organ Harvesting | The Allied Tribe states that force must be used strictly defensively, begins armed neutrality and cuts aggressive military ties with all nations

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Fauxia
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Postby Fauxia » Thu Jan 14, 2021 3:23 pm

Well at least @@NAME@@ has an interest now. But there's still a lot of work to be done.

1) We need more details on the proxy war. Where is it fought, who is what? The options seem to assume we know who overthrew who, but the player definitely doesn't know that. Furthermore, it violates player autonomy to assume we tried a counterrevolution. That's probably what this issue should be about. But I question how much better a proxy war is than a real war.

2) I'm not sure we need this many options. 5 is pushing the "lots of options". 4 is classic NS, but maybe too classic. It may be too cliche at this point. And we'll take a look at Option 5, but if you alter the premise to respect player autonomy, I'm not sure how that one is going to be different from the dismiss button without some tweaks.

3) Rather on the nitpicky side of things, but you can't assume that is where the nation's iron comes from at all (mining industry is a stat). As for oil, that's a classic premise, but even then, some nations are autarkist, and that would definitely not be the case there.

4) I agree that you should not use any RL religion, but honestly, I'm not exactly sure why you need any religion mentioned here at all. Regardless, you may not have to come up with another - Violetism usually takes the most controversial parts of Islam (and exaggerates them). But that's up to you in the end, there isn't anything wrong with another NPC religion, but there's also no need to come up with extraneous ones.

There's still a lot of work to be done, but I think you can shape it up if you work to fix it. Good luck :)
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The Allied Tribe
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Postby The Allied Tribe » Thu Jan 14, 2021 4:55 pm

Fauxia wrote:Well at least @@NAME@@ has an interest now. But there's still a lot of work to be done.

1) We need more details on the proxy war. Where is it fought, who is what? The options seem to assume we know who overthrew who, but the player definitely doesn't know that. Furthermore, it violates player autonomy to assume we tried a counterrevolution. That's probably what this issue should be about. But I question how much better a proxy war is than a real war.

2) I'm not sure we need this many options. 5 is pushing the "lots of options". 4 is classic NS, but maybe too classic. It may be too cliche at this point. And we'll take a look at Option 5, but if you alter the premise to respect player autonomy, I'm not sure how that one is going to be different from the dismiss button without some tweaks.

3) Rather on the nitpicky side of things, but you can't assume that is where the nation's iron comes from at all (mining industry is a stat). As for oil, that's a classic premise, but even then, some nations are autarkist, and that would definitely not be the case there.

4) I agree that you should not use any RL religion, but honestly, I'm not exactly sure why you need any religion mentioned here at all. Regardless, you may not have to come up with another - Violetism usually takes the most controversial parts of Islam (and exaggerates them). But that's up to you in the end, there isn't anything wrong with another NPC religion, but there's also no need to come up with extraneous ones.

There's still a lot of work to be done, but I think you can shape it up if you work to fix it. Good luck :)


Thanks for the feedback. I did put that nations with the autarky policy could not receive the issue in the second draft, but somehow deleted it and didn't notice. Forgot that the mining industry stat existed, but it can just be removed entirely with oil being the only resource that comes from the region. I might also replace some nations so I can alter the premise a little.
A pacifist nation located on an island. Nothing notable other than its compulsory vegetarianism.
Founder/Leader of the United International Cooperative
Canon NS Policies
Users who have disrespected The Allied Tribe (IC): 9

Our official name is The Allied Tribe, but we are also called Deetil-Deluai.
Allied Tribe War is over, The Allied Tribe repels an invasion by ZSeparatists |The Allied Tribe officially bans Child Labor, Compulsory Organ Harvesting | The Allied Tribe states that force must be used strictly defensively, begins armed neutrality and cuts aggressive military ties with all nations

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Jan 29, 2021 8:22 pm

What's this gotta do with nation? Why is nation getting involved, even if their oil comes from there? Is nation playing world police? and if nation is playing world police, then there is a disturbing lack of references to this song
Last edited by Australian rePublic on Fri Jan 29, 2021 8:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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