World Cup 87 - RP Thread

[Squidroidia]

5 games were left in the campaign for the Inklings, and for all they knew, their campaign was over. Yes, they sat in 4th heading into the away tie against a Frestovenia team they comfortably beat at home... But with Valanora (Who they lost 2-0 to at home) out on pole and Kelssek far ahead of them, they could only reach the playoffs, and it would require the 2nd and 3rd place teams to drop huge points and for Squidroidia to win all of their remaining games (Including their last home game of the qualification group against Kelssek) to sneak into the playoffs for one last shot at the big show. For all intents and purposes, their campaign was seemingly over... Their place in the Cup of Harmony in Quekriot or Kalacadaigua or whatever would be confirmed any minute now. 4th place seemed like the highest they could go.

At the very least, the Inklings weren't down without a fight. Yes, they were about to play the 2 cupcake teams in the group, which was perhaps an insult to Frestovenia who had 6 wins on the campaign so far, but Icecliff hadn't won a game or got a point before the 6-1 beatdown the squids gave them at Icecliff's home field (Home turf? Home ice?), and hadn't won a game since. They were no Smosh Games, who had the worst goal differential so far out of the 0 point teams, but they were easily a 3 point team. You know how the saying goes in Squidroidia:

The fodder in Group 11 is:
 IcEcliff
JabAl Akhdar
FreStovenia
   YTornado Queendom

So far in World Cup qualification, with the Inklings having played Jabal Akhdar twice and the other 3 teams once each, the Inklings had a combined aggregate score... Of 23-8. For every goal Icecliff, Jabal Akhdar, Frestovenia and Tornado Queendom scored, Squidroidia would score almost 3. They were the teams that didn't need motivational team talks or risky football to beat, the starting eleven wearing white and blue could just eat their orange slices, get onto the pitch and win comfortably. Hell, they even scored 6 against Jabal Akhdar and Icecliff in the span of those 90 minute games in the first half of qualifying! These were easy teams that could be the difference between qualifying and not qualifying at the end of the day.

But at the end of the day, they have to make up an 11 point gap to even come close to qualifying for the World Cup for the first time in their history. They sure as hell can't catch Valanora, were they even going to catch Kelssek or even Darmen? Essentially, they had to win every single game from this point, a trip to the Asvard National Stadium in the capital of Frstovenia, and hope Kelssek slip up in fantastic fashion for them and Darmen to get back into the game. In all estimates, it would probably be a 5,000 to 1, heck even 20,000 to 1, chance of qualifying from this position, unable to beat Valanora and have to sneak into the playoffs by all means necessary. It seemed like all hope was lost... But hey, at the end of the day, not all hope is lost until there is no chance to qualify.

---

SeventeenThirtySix.sqr
Article borrowed by SBN

Just how bleak are Squidroidia's chances?
With 5 games to go and the Inklings 11 points behind Kelssek, the computers take control of Group 11 in World Cup Qualifying

It's almost certain that Squidroidia, Darmen, and basically everybody else in Group 11 of World Cup qualification, will miss out on the big show in Taeshan and Ethane due to a Valanora team that has shown no mercy and a Kelssek team who are 9 points ahead of 3rd place and 11 ahead of Squidroidia. Of course it isn't certain for sure, that's why you play the games. We here at SeventeenThirtySix are here to, once again, solve the problem with computers - Just who is going to make it to Taeshan and Ethane from this seemingly decided group?

We are conducting 3 simulations, each using a complicated program that analyzes football teams and their statures by a program named "Xkoranate". You may have noticed this program before - It's a computer's best friend when deciding who will win in any sport, from summer vigil fasting to, well, football. We will conduct this 3 times, one using the KPB rankings as is, and 2 with rankings evolving overtime - One based on wins from the games played and another that favors good strings of form from Matchday 14, where we will start, onwards. So then, what does the computer say?

Simulation 1 - Solely KPB

Tornado Queendom 1–1 Barunia
Icecliff 2–3 Kelssek
Frestovenia 0–1 Squidroidia
Valanora 5–2 Wreckeria
Darmen 5–1 Jabal Akhdar

-

Darmen 7–1 Tornado Queendom
Jabal Akhdar 1–2 Valanora
Wreckeria 3–0 Frestovenia
Squidroidia 3–0 Icecliff
Kelssek 3–0 Barunia

-

Tornado Queendom 1–1 Kelssek
Barunia 5–2 Squidroidia
Icecliff 1–4 Wreckeria
Frestovenia 1–1 Jabal Akhdar
Valanora 2–0 Darmen

-

Valanora 4–2 Tornado Queendom
Darmen 8–2 Frestovenia
Jabal Akhdar 3–1 Icecliff
Wreckeria 0–2 Barunia
Squidroidia 1–1 Kelssek

-

Tornado Queendom 0–1 Squidroidia
Kelssek 2–0 Wreckeria
Barunia 4–1 Jabal Akhdar
Icecliff 1–1 Darmen
Frestovenia 1–4 Valanora

Group 11                   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Valanora               18   18   0   0    57   22  +35    54 - Direct to World Cup
 2 Kelssek                18   14   2   2    43   20  +23    44 - Playoffs or Direct to World Cup
 3 Darmen                 18   11   1   6    48   30  +18    34
 4 Squidroidia            18   10   2   6    41   31  +10    32
 5 Barunia                18    9   1   8    37   29   +8    28
 6 Wreckeria              18    8   3   7    39   35   +4    27
 7 Frestovenia            18    6   1  11    35   40   −5    19
 8 Jabal Akhdar           18    4   2  12    26   48  −22    14
 9 Tornado Queendom       18    2   3  13    24   54  −30     9
10 Icecliff               18    0   1  17    16   57  −41     1

Unsurprisingly here Kelssek and Valanora (The latter winning all their games and having a +35 goal differential) would stay in the top 2, with Darmen in 3rd and Squidroidia in 4th. Interestingly enough Icecliff would get a shock draw against Darmen on the final day of qualification to get their only point. The biggest result for the Inklings? A 1-1 draw at home to Kelssek when nothing even mattered anymore.

Simulation 2 - Wins = + KPB
Note: We have given each team 1 extra point for every win they had from matchdays 1 to 13, that means Valanora gained 13 points for this simulation based on the fact that they won all 13 games to this point.

Tornado Queendom 0–3 Barunia
Icecliff 1–5 Kelssek
Frestovenia 2–3 Squidroidia
Valanora 3–0 Wreckeria
Darmen 3–1 Jabal Akhdar

-

Darmen 5–4 Tornado Queendom
Jabal Akhdar 0–3 Valanora
Wreckeria 1–0 Frestovenia
Squidroidia 2–0 Icecliff
Kelssek 3–0 Barunia

-

Tornado Queendom 1–1 Kelssek
Barunia 1–3 Squidroidia
Icecliff 0–4 Wreckeria
Frestovenia 3–1 Jabal Akhdar
Valanora 3–0 Darmen

-

Valanora 3–1 Tornado Queendom
Darmen 2–2 Frestovenia
Jabal Akhdar 4–3 Icecliff
Wreckeria 2–1 Barunia
Squidroidia 3–1 Kelssek

-

Tornado Queendom 0–1 Squidroidia
Kelssek 2–0 Wreckeria
Barunia 4–1 Jabal Akhdar
Icecliff 1–1 Darmen
Frestovenia 1–4 Valanora

Group 11                   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Valanora               18   18   0   0    55   17  +38    54 - Direct to World Cup
 2 Kelssek                18   14   1   3    46   21  +25    43 - Playoffs or Direct to World Cup
 3 Squidroidia            18   11   2   5    46   31  +15    35
 4 Darmen                 18   11   1   6    42   34   +8    34
 5 Wreckeria              18    9   3   6    37   32   +5    30
 6 Barunia                18    8   0  10    33   30   +3    24
 7 Frestovenia            18    7   1  10    38   33   +5    22
 8 Jabal Akhdar           18    4   1  13    25   50  −25    13
 9 Tornado Queendom       18    2   3  13    27   54  −27     9
10 Icecliff               18    0   0  18    16   63  −47     0

Once again Valanora and Kelssek get 2, but Kelssek are only 8 points behind 3rd place Squidroidia, who ended up getting a win against them in Inkopolis. Icecliff do end the campaign winless here, with Tornado Queendom 9 points ahead of them and Valanora once again comfortably winning the group.

Simulation 3 - Increase in Form
Note: We have given each team 1 extra point for every win they have from Matchdays 14 to 17.

Tornado Queendom 2–3 Barunia
Icecliff 2–3 Kelssek
Frestovenia 0–2 Squidroidia
Valanora 3–0 Wreckeria
Darmen 5–2 Jabal Akhdar

-

Darmen 2–0 Tornado Queendom
Jabal Akhdar 1–3 Valanora
Wreckeria 3–2 Frestovenia
Squidroidia 4–2 Icecliff
Kelssek 2–3 Barunia

-

Tornado Queendom 0–1 Kelssek
Barunia 3–1 Squidroidia
Icecliff 0–1 Wreckeria
Frestovenia 1–1 Jabal Akhdar
Valanora 5–3 Darmen

-

Valanora 2–0 Tornado Queendom
Darmen 2–0 Frestovenia
Jabal Akhdar 3–0 Icecliff
Wreckeria 1–1 Barunia
Squidroidia 2–3 Kelssek

-

Tornado Queendom 1–3 Squidroidia
Kelssek 4–1 Wreckeria
Barunia 4–2 Jabal Akhdar
Icecliff 0–1 Darmen
Frestovenia 3–4 Valanora

Group 11                   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Valanora               18   18   0   0    57   23  +34    54 - Direct to World Cup
 2 Kelssek                18   15   0   3    46   24  +22    45 - Playoffs or Direct to World Cup
 3 Darmen                 18   12   0   6    40   30  +10    36
 4 Barunia                18   10   1   7    39   30   +9    31
 5 Squidroidia            18   10   1   7    45   34  +11    31
 6 Wreckeria              18    8   4   6    36   35   +1    28
 7 Frestovenia            18    6   1  11    37   35   +2    19
 8 Jabal Akhdar           18    4   2  12    28   48  −20    14
 9 Tornado Queendom       18    2   1  15    22   51  −29     7
10 Icecliff               18    0   0  18    15   55  −40     0

I think we get the message.

FINAL RESULTS

Valanora and Kelssek will get 1st and 2nd. Nobody can stop them now.

[HUElavia]

Sweep Galore for HUElavia!

HUElavia 2-3 Geektopia
(Navarro 18', 78' | Sdao 31', Rebimbas 66', Livengood 83')
(Estadio Nacional, Curumba)

Recuecn 3-4 HUElavia
(Saunders 16', Kayserling 36', Leclair 75' | Duran 8', Navarro 25' (P), Hamada 49', Guilbert 90+1')
(Stade Nationale, Recuecn)

HUElavia came into their most important matches of the Qualifying calendar, and it was one of the most brutal ones they could have: Hosting Pot 3 Geektopia and follow up with visting Pot 1 Recuecn. These two matchdays gave Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos a sense of urgency. A victory in either game can be monumental, and a full on two victories against the two would put them in the full fray to go all in for the qualification. A mix of players from all four squads were being played, along with the fact that Ramos was tasked with playing as the starting goalie for both matches and Navarro was given the Captain's Armband for the matches. The first match was at a sold out Estadio Nacional (100,000) in Curumba, the traditional home for large matches for the National Team, and the second match was at Stade Nationale (30,000) in Recuecn. The home Uniform and the Away Alternative Uniform were used for the matches. The fans flocked to these games, praying for and cheering on the team with passion.

For the first game, HUElavia and Geektopia were on the attack against one another, taking shots whenever possible, going from box to box trying to pin down one another. The opening goal came in the 18th minute, when R. Almeida was being covered by Livegood, and gave a juke to send a cross into the box, only for Navarro to appear over Germain Sophie, and chest the ball down and give a blast past a sprawling Lertora to send it into the goal to make it 1-0. The crowd erupted and jumped with passion and joy, making the stadium rumble, while Navarro did a pistol celebration and went to the corner flag to celebrate with his teammates and to give a hug and kiss with his wife, Hamada-Navarro. Geektopia went on the attack and kept giving pressure to HUElavia, but Mendieta and Bitencourt (covering for the pregnant Nazarenko) were not having any of it, and helped Ramos make blocks and saves when needed. Despite their efforts, Geektopia would capitalize, as in the 31st minute, Ponti sent a low pass to Sdao, who gave a low shot that went in between the legs of Bitencourt and past the fingertips of Ramos to go into the goal, making it 1-1. Sdao celebrated with their teammates while the crowd was stunned and silenced by the goal, all while the HUElavian players were frustrated with the conceded goal. The half would end 1-1, and both teams felt like they could do more. The second half picked up where it left off, and it was box-to-box attack from both teams, looking to get a chance to score. Geektopia would get this chance, as in the 66th minute, Rinnert sent a cross into the box, after being covered by Mariño, only for Rebimbas to tower over Mendieta and head the ball past a diving Ramos into the goal, making it 1-2. Part of the crowd was silenced, and the other whistled and jeered, while the players had a frustrated look. All while Rebimbas celebrated with their teammates and the bench. HUElavia began to press forward and start applying pressure to Geektopia. Shots were made, but Lertora kept making saves to keep the game in Geektopia's favor. This would not last as in the 78th minute, a cross by Gagne-Leblanc (in for Duran) went into the box, and Navarro ran to leap over Livengood to head the ball past a reaching Lertora into the goal, making it 2-2. Navarro got the ball and ran to center circle, all while the crowd jumped and celebrated the goal with passion. This momentum would not last for long, as in the 83rd minute, a shot by Sdao deflected off Mariño, going out for a corner. A kick was taken by Rebimbas, where it went into the box and Livengood was unmarked and head the ball with ease past a reaching Ramos to go into the goal, making it 2-3. The crowd and players were stunned while Livengood was mobbed by their teammates and the bench for the goal. HUElavia tried to make chances happened, but the Geektopian defense held out and once the referee blew his whistle, the match ended, and HUElavia was swept by Geektopia, along with falling it 5th place.

The second match was another difficult game that had HUElavia playing with passion and pressure against the defensive Recuecn. The opening goal came in the 8th minute, when Duran was being covered by Cutrona, giving a juke to get past the sweeper, and send a chip past a closing Firault, going into the goal to make it 0-1. Duran celebrated with her teammates while the Recuecians were silenced by the goal. Recuecn responded in the 16th minute, as clearing by Fernandez-Roux went out and went to Saunders, who gave a long distance shot to blast past a diving Ramos, as it went into the goal to make it 1-1. The crowd erupted and celebrated with joy while the HUElavians were frustrated at conceding the goal. HUElavia responded in the 25th minute, as Spencer fouled Hamada in the box, where he got a yellow card, and Navarro stepped up to blast the ball into the middle of the goal with ease, making it 1-2. In the 36th minute a corner was won by Recuecn, where Hebron sent a cross into the box, and Kayserling towered over C. Almeida to put the ball past a reaching Ramos and into the goal, making it 2-2, all while the crowd celebrated with passion. In the 49th minute, a long ball from Gagne-Leblanc went to Hamada, who chested it down past a falling Cutrona, and blasted it past a reaching Firault into the goal to make it 2-3. Recuecn kept building up attacks, and eventually capitalized in the 75th minute, as a cross by Lavigne reached Leclair (in for Saunders), who chested it down and gave a low shot past a diving Ramos to put it into the goal, making it 3-3. Time ticked away and it seemed that HUElavia and Recuecn would ahve to contend with a draw when in the 90+1st minute, a cross by Tiong Belleza (in for Sol) would go in the box, and Guilbert would appear out of nowhere to blast it point-blank past Firault to put it into the goal, making it 3-4. Guilbert was mobbed by his teammates and the bench while the Recuecians were stunned and silenced by the surprise goal. At the end, the referee blew her whistle and the team celebrated the victory, not only regaining 4th place, but sweeping a Pot 1 team in a World Cup Qualifiers for the first time.

With the victory, HUElavia has 22 Points (7-1-5), and sits in 4th place with no margin of error for the 5 remaining games left. The HFA had a private meeting with Coach Illaramendi and gave him a simple goal: Finish 3rd Place or higher. While it looks more and more likely the team is headed to the Cup of Harmony, the HFA wants the team to have some dignity and finish in the Top 3 with the matches remaining The next two games are home games against Fluvannia and Rwekazaland. The first game against Fluvannia will be at Estadio Bendito (50,000) in San Franco, and then the team flies a little south to play against Rwekazaland at San Ignatius (52,000) in Itio. Once again, a mix of all four squads will be playing, with Lobato in goal for the first game, and Baptista in goal for the second match. The Home Alternative will be used for the match against Fluvannia and the Home Uniform will be used against Rwekazaland. The fans are flocking to the stadium in hopes to support the team in what could be a miracle comeback from the ashes of 9th place to a possible qualification like a phoenix. The team continues with their training and studying film, looking to make the most of these remaining 5 matches. Not to mention, the team and fans alike hope and pray for other matches to favor them in order to catch up with Fluvannia, Rcecuen and Geektopia. Here's to hoping the team can make something special happen.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

[San Ortelio]

Type 'Lanza' in the search box for the full series!

“I need your help.”

Instinctively, Ercole Cartola scanned the room, seemingly ignoring the wild-eyed man in front of him. They went back far too long to consider him a genuine danger, but he would have appreciated Rocco to introduce him before he dared to come up to his booth. With his brother Eduardo below deck with a painful throat, Ercole had considered staying at home yet something pulled him back in every night. Sometimes he skipped one and every time he regretted it – there was always someone interested who had passed by in IlRocca and tonight, that man appeared to be Stefano Lanza.

“I need your help,” he repeated, pleading.

Only now did Ercole look up close. Stefano, whom made a point of wearing designer shirts and comfortable loafers, nonetheless looked out of place in the night club. His eyes were shot and the smell of cheap liquor ran from his mouth, half opened as if he still was dazed from a long night. People who were out of this world were no stranger to this place – heck, half of those who stampeded on the dance floor didn’t know their own name by four o’clock. But Ercole always insisted on keeping the lounge to a higher standard. If some of the VIPs lost the plot, there was a separate scene where they cool down a little – with the right company of course.

“Take a seat, Stefano, you’re making a scene,” he calmly invited Stefano over with two soft claps on the cushions, like one instructs his lapdog to join in.

Hesitantly, Stefano took him up on the invite, but placed himself as far apart from Ercole as could be. By now, the nervous little gestures started to play up, scratching his nose and wiping his hands to his pants. Ercole could not keep himself from shaking his head, such a proud man and look at him now. Heroine potentially, or maybe crack? It was painful to see at this point.

“Tell me, Stefano, why are you here?”
“We need to talk, I have…”
“You have nothing to look for over here – I thought I made this sufficiently clear,” the youngest Cartola brother explained. One doesn’t make a business like his by letting other people dictate the pace of the conversation.
“You just shut my call down, so I came here,” Stefano insisted.
And when Ercole looked unimpressed, he added, “for business.”

Ercole scratched his jaw. In all honesty, he would rather have him dumped outside the club at once, but it didn’t feel worth the scene. For all it was worth, Stefano had always been a fairly composed man, then again, he didn’t look himself. If there was one thing his brother put a main emphasis on, then it was to avoid the spotlights – their booth wasn’t situated away from the screaming purple and red in which the club bathed for no reason. Still, where the hell was Rocco?

“Ok, Stefano,” he tried to test the waters, “but remember that I said I had no interest in your initial offer. What would have changed my mind?”
“Look, I know you’re into the gambling business and…”

A firm look from the man in front of him made Stefano step it down in volume immediately.

“… and I happen to have a key source in the national team. If we can work together, we…”
“What will they do in Treekidistan?” Ercole cut him short again, this time more to get on his nerves rather than actual disinterest.
“They… Ehm… They will win, no?” Stefano muttered, a bit confused.
“That sort of thing my baker, my butcher and my grandmother could tell me, Stefano. I don’t call that a genuine source. By now everyone believes San Ortelio win,” and then, more to himself, “some even believe they can reach the play-offs, the idiots.”
“It’s… I can’t tell you the details yet, Ercole, that…”
“But how can you show me you are worth the trust?” Ercole replied, slowly closing down the net.
“It’s all true. My own brother plays for the national team and…”
“And yet… When I look in the line-up, I don’t see any ‘Lanza’ playing,” Ercole riposted.

The twitch of the eye and the exchange from a humble smile by a painful grin told him all he needed to know. He had hit his battleship straight in the middle and now the only question was, what would he try to throw in the lifeboat.

“He’s… Well… We’ve reunited.”
“Yet he never appears in your taverna, Stefano.”

Had the first shot caused a crack in the bow, now the water was flowing in heavily.

“Yes… But…”
“Look, Stefano, this is getting a little sad now and…”
“No!” Stefano yelled while rising, immediately retaking his seat when he saw the glare from Ercole. Behind them, a few heads had turned into their direction which – by a quick count – was a few more than Cartola appreciated.
“You can’t do this to me,” Stefano muttered, “you can’t just shove me aside.”
“Stefano, my boy…” Ercole shook his head again.

He remembered the first time he saw him. Like every kid that tried to work his way up the ranks of his organization, he had a mouth that was too big and a car that was too fast. Yet, there was something in him which showed the potential to be a decent local capo, a sort of warmth he extended which made others trust him.

“You owe this to me,” Stefano retried.
“That’s where I think you are off,” came the reply, “if there is someone who owes someone, it’s the other way around. No one would have given a nickel for you when you came out of the joint, but we took you in.”
“I was in there for you!” Stefano cried, a bit too loud.

It was a simple task. Or at least, it should have been, a neat task for someone of the ‘middle management’, as Edoardo tended to call their lieutenants. Just a quick drive-by, whack’m and run. Afterwards the gunman could spend some weeks on a tropical beach until the name of the victim had faded from the public eye and only was mourned by his close relatives. After that, Stefano could return and take up a higher rank. Easy-peasy.

Except it wasn’t. On the day itself, everything went wrong. Timings were off, locations poorly scanned and everything went into a shitshow. The point where you need to count your losses, call it off and come back another day. But Stefano… Stefano was so eager to please, so ambitious to make his name that he ignored all safety measures. That he went on foot, started a shooting spree and… Three death, amongst which a pregnant woman, a far relative to the mayor of Pesari to make things worse. Like any person who possessed the moral equivalent of a pea, even Ercole would have considered the life sentence. Fortunately for Stefano, there were enough men to find in San Ortelio who gladly shoved aside their morals for enough hard cash and as Stefano kept his lips sealed, he got out in six years without anyone noticing or any headline made.

“You screwed up, Stefano, but we are a good organization. An open one. We let you in again, gave you something to do but… If you’re trying to interfere with our main business again, we might have to reconsider that.”
There wasn’t any reply coming, just a man gasping for air across of him, so Ercole continued.
“The sports market that’s fully ours. If you stay out of it from now on – if, that is – I will forget everything from tonight. Because we are so kind. Clean your act up and get it together or…”

Ercole did not get any word further. Suddenly Stefano’s right hand, which had been dangling between his legs like a defeated toddler rose above the tabletop, holding a gun.

“I need in,” Stefano whispered – but even under the pounding bass of the DJ, Ercole understood him well.
“Let’s not do something stupid,” Ercole mouthed, trying to cool things down. He was held at gunpoint in his own club and… Where the f’ was Rocco?
“I won’t if you won’t,” Stefano replied, but the only thing that shook more than his hand was his voice.

It was over in a second. Ercole might wear expensive suits and classy ties these days, but he too had crawled his way up from the gutter – it wasn’t the first gun that was placed in his direction. With one hand he wrung the wrist of Stefano whilst slamming him with a flatted second one, straight on the nerves in his neck. With a nasty sound, Stefano smacked his head against the metal railing which kept drunk lounge guests from falling on the dance floor.

“Just a friend with a cocktail too many,” Ercole shushed those who turned their heads again, whilst hiding the gun which had been dropped on the impact. As if the ‘thunk’ made by Stefano’s head had been his cue, Rocco ran up the stairs.

“Sorry boss, there have been problems with a guy at the entrance and… Stefano? Is everything ok?”
“What guy,” Ercole replied coolly.
“Some… He just said that it was him, Mario.”
“So he dragged his right hand into this mess. Not nice. Not nice at all.”
“Holy crap, that’s,” Rocco shouted and immediately switching it back to a fluster, “that’s a gun. How did that get in here? I…”
“Don’t worry, Rocco. But you see this?”

Ercole tilted it so one of the spotlights fell on the handle. The letters ‘SONP’ which had been melted into the side lit up and flickered for a split second.

“It’s the Son of a Pitch,” Rocco chuckled over the derogatory nickname of the national police force.
“It is… Which actually gives me a splendid idea. But first, can you give our friend Stefano a bit of rest?”
“Of course,” Rocco grinned.

ONE DAY LATER

She shouldn’t have come. Maybe he wouldn’t be here himself? But when she pulled open the glass doors of the inspectors room, she knew that Francesco Calcaterra would be here, like the loyal dog he was.

“Two cold brewski’s,” he smiled, “you’re late – they almost started without you,” something which the soothing voice from Paolo Del Strada through the transistor confirmed.

”No changes in the regular line-up for Di Tane and one might start to wonder whether the question is not when but if the manager dares to rotate his squad. It is true that these eleven starters have shown themselves as lions, making their path on the scene. But the confrontations with Juvencus and especially Mercedini showed the limitations as well. Especially ‘Dini overpowered our Spada but the question is whether something needs to be attributed to a lack of rest. Or does Di Tane wants to switch but holds no confidence in his bench, does he fear that they cannot get the job done against the Baptism of Fire winners?”

“It’s a bad idea,” Valeria exclaimed, more to herself than anyone else.
“I’ve said it before, no one will ever know it. And besides, it’s just a beer.”
“I’m so sorry, Francesco.”

He now halted mid-air, nearly cartoonish.

“Look, Valeria, I mean… If there are feelings in the way then… I am a loving father and we’re both professionals, let us…”
“What?”

This was not what she was on about. It was not something which had not been on her radar either, but the events of the last few days had pushed it off the edge for a while – there were bigger fish to fry closer to the mothership, to stay in the nautical theme. Stefano hadn’t returned. From the state of the room, she could tell he hadn’t during the time she fell unconscious. From her frantically staying awake and failing to move around, she could tell for the days after. Some sick days later, she still struggled to put everything in the right order but in the late afternoon, Valeria finally made up her mind. If there was one person to come clean to…

“Wait, that’s not it,” Francesco stammered before erupting in a loud laughter, “sorry, this is just awkward. I think we’re in some mixed-up romantic comedy situation here but…”

… or at least tell him the part of the truth that would keep him out of trouble. She cared too much for Francesco for that, even if she needed to hurt him.

“What?” she repeated, “No, that’s ridiculous. It’s just… I need to confess something and, well, I know it’s not fair what I’ve done. You just… You just happened to be in the office on that night.”
“Calm down, Valeria,” Francesco smiled, “I’ve been thinking about that as well. Imagine it had been Adelberto,” and he grinned at the thought of the elderly statesman of the corps, a man who crossed down every day left to his retirement, sitting in the cramped car from Valeria on his way to IlRocca listening to [metal]Debauched Angel[/metal] or whatever they were called.
“Yeah… Yeah indeed,” she smiled – just warming up to his lightheartedness inside. For a second and then she realized why she had pushed down every urge to not come in tonight.

“Look,” she continued, “the thing is… There is no huge case. I… I made it up.”

Francesco stared at her, trying to decrypt the language she spoke.

“I was bored and I saw this accidental blimp on some charts, which was just an outlier. And then afterwards I started to make up stats for us to plough through and…”

In her head, Valeria had created a neat little speech. Clear and to the point. It came out in bits and pieces as a five-minute stuttering with the kind of composure that, when recited by a kid during his holy communion, hadn’t even gotten him an applause from his own grandma.

“… and I just wanted to do something interesting. Be someone interesting and…”

At last, Francesco halted her there.

“You didn’t need to lie for that.”
“I…”
“If you wanted to be interesting, I would have listened. I would have been interesting. But now…”

He stroked over his beard, once, twice, …

“There is not a much I’ve got to add to that.”

And with a broad gesture, he picked up his jacket and marched to the door, not even giving her as much as a second glance. It felt as if a knife tore Valeria in half, yet both broken pieces knew she had done the best possible. If a gambling scandal ever fell out of the woodwork, he would be puzzled but probably would keep her at bay. And after a few days of hacking her way into the security network, she had managed to exchange the serial number of her gun with one that had been decommissioned ages ago – if Stefano kept his brain together, there was little chance someone would ask a computer nerd like her for her service weapon.

”Di Masi passes to Favaro, back to Curiale on the wing. Finds Pyareral on his path but Confalonieri in his support. A long ball to the other wing, looking for Alessio Rota who darts past Elvis and a quick cross to Garo… Oh! OH! Giacomo Favaro, what a wondrous goal! With Helmut and Stillstone pasted to Carmine Garofalo, the strong striker doesn’t head for goal but tries to find Giacomo Favaro. The Pesari midfielder lashes out and what a beauty! Nil against two… Can the Ortelians start to dream?”

Even Del Strada didn’t offer any comfort anymore and the thought of having done the right thing was quickly supplemented with the nagging sound of her conscience. Too little, too late.

[Ko-oren]

Season 34: What's next for our clubs?

After a tumultuous campaign that was ultimately scrapped, the gap between our league's season 33 and 34 is longer than any gap before. The national team does play as normal, and nothing in their results suggests that players are out of form. And there's a decent, almost too simple reason for that: the majority (18 out of 35) of the players currently on the roster are employed overseas. That's from Timuria to Pasarga, from Kelssek to Chromatika, and Audioslavia to Eura. It also includes Ethan Benjamin, formally still getting paid by Cosumarite club Mallox - which means he should really look out for a new club... and probably also explains how he fell from grace to obscurity.

So, after a year barely any games, how do our clubs prepare for a new, full season, holding on to their current star players and hopefully even recruiting some from abroad?

The Royalty

Maethoru SC should have an easy time adjusting, with a second place in the last complete season, and the two Champions League berths they got out of it, so they've been lining their pockets with IFCF money while the rest of the league was out cutting budgets. With Theshendan, Janoreirinthen, Ensaunden, and Vaugrenard, they have four starting Dragonflies, who have been anywhere from 'acceptable' to 'great'. It's interesting how Ensaunden and Vaugrenard have played more meaningful football this year than the rest of the Dragonflies roster, and yet they have been singled out recently for poor performances.

Schemerdrecht SVV have won the league most recently, and like Maethoru SC, have played in two straight IFCF Champions Leagues. The core of their team, unlike Maethoru SC, is made up of foreign players - they're only represented by Dorre Siebelt on the national team, and that's a 34-year old debutant on the Green and Blue. No Goossen, no Hilberdink, no Crone - did the selectors avoid selecting the northerners on purpose? They're good players with experience after all. The entire foreign contingent at the club... haven't made the cut for any of their national teams. It feels strange to include Schemerdrecht with the Royalty for having it easy, but the IFCF money made up for any and all sporting slights they received.

The Nobility

Advance Alara don't have it as easy as those mentioned above, but still have a bigger wallet than most. Their status as development club (buy low, sell high) adds to that, and on top of that, their results on the field were pretty good until the league shut down temporarily. Having a young (and underpaid) squad, they didn't have to watch the budget as much as the clubs lower on the list. They have several foreigners on the payroll, which, again, failed to make their respective national teams. For a league that's ranked 18th in the IFCF, we still have miles and miles to make up in prestige, it seems... Ivancir, Arnold, Richardson, Folkhard, Cloudburst, Chu - they all didn't make it in for Nephara, Zeta Reka, Zwangzug, and others. The Ko-orenite selectors also thought something was fishy about this club - there are no Advance Alarans in the World Cup qualification anywhere.

Miradela GD are saved purely by their insanely wealthy sponsors. They have some incredible talent on roster that they didn't have to sell just because they're sitting on mountains of wealth from Santa Teresa's upper class (unlike Branvon CD, who are sitting on a pile of debt that can't be saved by Santa Teresa's middle class - see below). Viera and Munks were hardly standout players at their position (midfield and goal), but were selected to the Green and Blue anyway - while none of their teammates, including the foreign ones, made another national team roster. That's Delaclava's Rogers (who aren't in the World Cup at all), or Baker Park's Blair, or several others.

Dodged a bullet

Aminey CS have made the way up the ranks just in time. They amassed a decent roster and made the top 6 after years of buckling under the weight of the expectations behind the biggest market of Ko-oren - the dazzling entertainment city of Aminey. With players like De Breye, Hanazawa, Argall, Delacruz, they've gotten players from all corners of the multiverse that have become a little more obscure over the years, helped by a handful of local heroes like Carbonneau and Erisia. The latter is the only to make a national team, and it's ours. Turns out, Erisia is the star striker of the Dragonflies - Aminey CS have something to build on.

Straudum VV have done the impossible by GETTING ONE OF THEIR PLAYERS SELECTED ON A FOREIGN ROSTER! Yes! The Top League truly belongs among the multiverse's best now TJUN-ia have Ulawaya on their roster, who... (checks notes) has started just a handful of games for the northeastern outfit - but at least Ulawaya was the most efficient striker in terms of goals per minutes played. And don't forget, this is Straudum VV, capable of finishing top three in the league while scoring barely one goal per two games. This is partially due to Gudo Neihof, backup goalie behind Maethoru SC's Theshendan. Straudum VV have been extremely good at finding talent everywhere and have built one of the league's strongest rosters on a tight budget (Straudum is not exactly a large city).

Bruncester United AFC has one of the better defences and built that unit out of almost nothing - many will remember how Bruncester was at the edge of a cliff with several bottom 3 finishes. The roster was devoid of talent - just made up of local heroes from a relatively impoverished region of the country - but then with Gicquel and Noordburg they stopped the slide. They're still not seen as contenders, but that's not this category. This one's for clubs that dodged the bullet: these clubs can survive on their current roster in the face of budget cuts, dramatically reduced income, while holding on to as much talent as possible (including foreign players). Good thing they barely had any under contract, though it pains us to say that the Quebecois always tell us we're a special country to them but then they don't select Tjessem.

Maynard AFC have done what was expected of them with a rich owner. They've stopped back-to-back-to-back bottom finishes and turned a ragtag group of locals into a coherent unit that wins games, fueled by some investments of course. If anyone was going to make any national team, it could be Suchet (Alex, not Benjamin), Kildare, or Cradduck. The selectors have never been fond of the southwestern club - and neither are selectors of other NTs, apparently. While Maynard AFC lives on, they do so without a lot of outsider faith in their team.

Couziers-Olympiques promoted into the Top League which means that their budget grows despite everything else that goes on. While they have no players on our national team, because we're a bit stingy on selecting players from lower leagues, but the club's signing policies have been solid. They found Tommy Anderson from South Newlandia as the backbone to their second-division-winning campaign, and his home country rewarded him with a spot on the team, which is currently tied for first place with Pasarga. Other than that, the only way to go for the club from Linieux is up, and that while they're already as high up as they've ever been. Remember names like Siemeling, Agano, Odgers, Aoriene, or Hekkert: they will keep this club in the highest league and earn their place in the spotlights when they're going to the Dragonflies next AOCAF.

Brighthaven Town (div 2)'s star rose and then flickered, almost out of existance, but the southwestern club is still here. Building a roster on the cheap, adding a few spectacular pieces, and they're one of the forerunners for second division champions (and promotors to the Top League). With Pinkerton, they have a young, talented goalie, coveted by pretty much any club at the highest level.

Not looking so good

Katashi-Kanatsu had a slightly different idea. Fully hoping they could take an experienced group, add a few youngsters, and be set for the next half decade, they whiffed on a few signings, saw their core deteriorate, and the front office completely missed the signs that Katashi-Kanatsu would go in the complete wrong direction. The fact they finished over four other teams is a near-miracle, and shows the last few achievements by an aging team. The brightest spots are with Mizuno and Ardouin, both Dragonfly defenders, and arguably the creative mind up front in Leon Morris, all three of which have stated they're looking for a transfer.

Cirelbourne United were mirroring Bruncester's steps for a while, but where the brown-clad team took the way up, the grey team of Cirelbourne couldn't find their groove. It seems that despite the youth signings, they're still relying on several players that were cast out by other teams - not a great start - but as long as they can survive in the Top League for another one or two years (a big if!), they might find their place. Aeloviane, Whitewoods, Swadling, Valente, Turner: all players that at one point or another have shown flashes of brilliance but none of them have ever been good for an entire season. That said, they do have a Northwest Kalactanian striker on board: Cody Dixon.

Branvon CD have been flying high for a while, and with their hard working style, matched the money of Miradela for a while. After a handful good years, they were left with decent teammates but not much more. With the retirements of Dieulafoy and Saavedra, they lost their experience as well, and now they have players with excellent reputations in Basquez, Gachet, Rodas, Odell, Vallotton and Novoa - a few of those names should be recognisable instantly for those that have followed the Dragonflies for a while - but they're all past their prime. Adding Mrii Taraala, youth player Mulvahil, and goalkeeper Soumare kept this team up for the time being. For the rest, it's hard to see what the immediate future of this team is. Let's not forget their brightest spot: TJUN-ian attacking midfielder Carter.

Tanques AOE (div 2) were once the biggest show in town, with the best midfield of the archipelago, but that feels like centuries ago now. Some players left, others tried to chase even bigger trophies abroad, and some didn't pan out past that one magical year, and then they were punished with relegation. The more loyal players have stayed, and there is definitely a chance that the Cote Australienne squad can go straight back up to the Top League, but there are many more good teams in the second division - and with a league size of just 12 across all competitions in Ko-oren, there's no shame in being a good team at the second level. Tanques have held on to Yuezhou starer Xiawei Guo, and Ko-oren backups Langberg and yChibwod. Actually, the more I look at this roster, it'd be a shame if they couldn't make it back up this year. If not, there will be layoffs.

Castelo e Calvente CS (div 2) are, with Brighthaven and Tanques, the biggest contenders at the second level. There are a few other teams that could join the fray, but the southeastern team are looking to supplant Branvon as the second-best team of Finisterre (behind, you guessed it, Miradela). So far, they closed their eyes, threw a dart, and it hit the names of several up-and-comers like Aorei, Parada, Moora, Moore, Ruybal, as well as two foreign arrivals in South Newlandian Sims and Timurian Gurses. With a little luck, they're sitting on a group that can take them into the Top League this year or the next.

[Trolleborg]

Greetings, compatriots! TTV is again with you!

MACCIAN – TROLLEBORG 1:2

All of us, of course, with sinking hearts follow the performance of our national football team, and each game gives us reasons for this. Precisely that was this game. Moreover, the hosts took the lead quite quickly after the unsuccessful actions of our defenders and the goalkeeper in a relatively harmless situation

Fortunately, our players did not allow opponents further liberties, but took control of the game, constantly pressed, and in the end made the hosts' defenders make a mistake. The ball that the goalkeeper threw to his players bounced off one of them, and Finnsnes reacted faster than anyone, hitting the goal with one touch.

And in the second half, our team continued to attack, and soon took the lead, after Troll make an excellent long-range shot

Our players, fortunately, did not allow any more problems. But it must be admitted, that, altough all attacking players had chances, team don't score more goals either. And so, with a minimal advantage, the game ended.

To the delight of the fans.

TROLLEBORG – HOLY EMPIRE 3:5

The arrival of the formidable opponents aroused great interest among the inhabitants of the country. In addition to the fact that viewing of the match was organized wherever possible, the huge crowds of fans were able to get autographs from Juan Tzimisces and Di Bradini themselves. The guests were patiently signing everything for everyone, for which we are very grateful. You can watch a blitz interview with the coach of this amazing monoplayer team on TTV-Sport.

Having suddenly stumbled and lost points in the match with Megistos, the guests - or is it more correct to say the guest? - of course, came to Trolleborg in a fighting mood. Draw or even lose - and this greatly increased the chances of our team to take first place in group. Apparently, this motivated Holy Empire highly, and responsibility pressed on our guys heavily.

As you all know, our lads lost the match, altought in a stubborn and dramatic struggle. Two games ago, a series of victories in qualifying tournaments ended, and now a series of 29 matches without defeats at home has ended. For almost exactly three tournaments, our guys did not leave the field defeated. Well, alas, there is a limit to all series. We wish our team to make a new winning streak and streak of winning home games.

We are sure that you all saw the match live and it seems to us merciless to force the viewers to see everything again, so the editors of TTV thought it best to focus on summarizing our team experience in the tournament. In the second half of the tournament, our guys started to shake visibly. The opponents, of course, learned their lessons from the first games, see something, and it will only get harder in the future. It should be noted, however, that this is not a defeat for which one is ashamed. Holy Empire is a very serious opponent, from the elite of world football, and if, for example, our guys lost the first match with them and drew home game, no one would dare to reproach them. Our disappointment with the result stems from the inflated expectations dictated by the brilliant performance shown by the team in the first half of tournament. But the brilliant game itself is still an exception to the rule – let's hope that only for now. Our FA CEO warned us about everything that was happening long before the tournament, so although we sincerely share the fans' hopes for super-successful performances, we should still proceed from real possibilities and prospects.

[Sylestone]

Matchday Twelve
Another game, another win. Not quite as convincing as we would've liked, but it was a win nevertheless and that's what matters. To solidify our spot in the top five is the most important thing at the moment, and it is something that the Sentients have done remarkably over the past few games, save the shock loss to Legalese.
The final score was a 2-1 win, not too bad away from home. Sylestone dominated the vast majority of the game, never really letting the Caverns' side into it at all. It was a good win on their part, but it wasn't the dominating performance Sylestone had to pull off to really make us look a threat.
Sylestone kicked off and were in on goal in the fifth minute when the Mixer broke past Umber Rockwater in the Caverns' defence. However, realising his fellow defender required help, Lorian Spokes charged over and booted the ball out of play just when a goal was looking a real possibility.
The resulting corner, taken by the Stove, wasn't much of a threat as the kick went slightly wayward. However, the Toilet got to it before any defenders did and took a blind shot at goal. Despite being well oThe n target, it was right at Eivind Gore in goals, who caught it without any issues.
The Bar Stool had Sylestone's next opportunity in the 17th minute, but despite a brilliant set of passing by himself, the Tumble Dryer and the Fridge, the shot went wide and the scoreline remained 0-0.
The Caverns had a chance in the 31st when midfielder Armo Carmander played a brilliant through pass past the Dishwasher to Opheliet Nandris, who gladly received it. He began dribbling towards the goal, but the Toilet came out of nowhere and started making rude jokes directed at the forward. He was yellow-carded and a free-kick was awarded to Crystalline Caverns.
Nandris took the shot, but he booted it into the Dishwasher in the "wall" (the defending wall, not the Brick Wall) and the ball went up the field to the Stove, nullifying any sort of gains the Caverns' side had made.
It was the 37th minute when the scoring finally opened. The Fridge had the ball in the midfield and passed it up to the Stove, who ran down the left-wing with it before crossing it in, back to the Fridge. The centre-midfielder deflected the ball into the bottom right-hand corner of the goal, too far away from Gore in goals, to put Sylestone 1-0 up. The home crowd became deathly silent, apart from a few skerricks of Sylestoneans here and there, who made up for the lack of noise with wild cheering and clapping.
After the half-time break, Sylestone had another opportunity at goal, but it was made redundant by a brilliant piece of defending by Austin Timour. But it only stopped a goal from occurring for another four minutes, when the Toilet put the brakes on a possible Caverns' offensive with a long clearance that fell right to the Tumble Dryer, who took the opportunity to fling the ball at the goal. Gore was so surprised by Sylestone's quick buildup that the ball went straight through his groping hands and found the back of the net, quick smart.
The next twenty minutes of the game were relatively uneventful as Sylestone looked to get back on the defensive and stop the Caverns' forwards from scoring. It worked, or at least until the 81st minute when the Sylestonean defenders, passing the ball between each other didn't spot Joel Wang running after the ball. The Washing Machine's pass was intended to go to the Ironing Board, but Wang intercepted and converted it through a simple shot past the Brick Wall in goals.
Despite their best efforts, the Caverns' side couldn't score again and at full-time, Sylestone was still 2-1 up as they remained in fourth place on the table. A big game was coming up - against Ko-oren at the Sunlife Stadium in Halpenley.

CRYSTALLINE CAVERNS - 1
Wang 81'

SYLESTONE - 2
Fridge 37'
Tumble Dryer 56'

Matchday Thirteen
The big game. Sylestone versus Ko-oren in Halpenley, Sylestone. Ko-oren, a side with a 9-3-0 record, were travelling away from their freezing home turf to the tropics of Sylestone. Their only advantage was that they were one of the best sides in the multiverse, ranked 14th and are currently 84 ranks ahead of Sylestone. So despite Sylestone being such an alien place, Ko-oren was probably still the favourites to take out the game, although by quite a small margin.
And they did, but only just. It was a game between two heavily defensive-minded sides, but the Sentients simply weren't good enough for the Dragonflies, who dispatched the home side 1-0. It was close, but not close enough, from a Sylestonean perspective.
Ko-oren kicked off, but, surprisingly, it was Sylestone who had the first real chance at goal. The Bar Stool, Sylestone's star midfielder, passed the ball up to the Tumble Dryer, who made a run forward. The Bar Stool came up on his left, and the Tumble Dryer expertly passed it to him, who passed it up the wing to the Mixer. He shot the ball at the goal, but it was too high and it went into the first row.
Ko-oren had the next opportunity, in the 40th minute after both sides' defences broke down countless offensives from the opposition's forwards. But it couldn't last forever and it didn't. Finally, Maud Vaugrenard was in on goal when he was apparently fouled by the Bar Stool. There were countless checks, but a penalty was eventually awarded to the Ko-orenites.
It went in. Sad.
At half-time, Ko-oren were up 1-0, but only due to a penalty. Sylestone would have to work hard to get one back, but they've done it before. Countless times.
However, it didn't seem to be. Sylestone pushed hard, but nothing from either side could really be deemed a proper "opportunity" until the 77th minute when the Mixer chipped a ball over Munarring's head and to the Tumble Dryer. Finally, something seemed to be brewing. But goalkeeper Larut Theshendan didn't let it happen, diving away to his left and catching the ball in his hands. The Tumble Dryer emitted a groan as the chance went begging.
The score stayed 1-0 for a tantalisingly long time - too long. But the intensity of the game was simply too much for the Sentients, who just couldn't break through for a second goal. And so they didn't as they racked up their fifth loss of the qualifiers and dropping to fifth in place of Legalese.
Next up are the Independent Athletes from Quebec, in Quebec, which is nearly a must-win game for both sides. The two nations get on alright together and the game is shaping up to be a good one. Then we're back in Dunkirk for the game against the Blouman Empire, another extremely important one. Join us for those two soon.

SYLESTONE - 0

KO-OREN - 1
Vaugrenard 40' (p)

[Audioslavia]

Rohan Cammers hadn't always dressed like this.

There was a time when his suits were black or grey, his training kit fitted as normal, his regular civvies consisting of a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

At some point, things changed.

The jeans would change hue, from blue to black to deep red to orange. As he retired his desire to wear sports clothing, whether those of his team or just trackwear in general, faded. His suits began to acquire patterns and colours and eventually stopped resembling suits at all.

These days, Rohan Cammers's style of dress is beyond compare. But let's try.

Imagine a screaming toddler let loose in the dressing room of a high-budget medieval vaporwave my-little-porpose live-action movie, pursued by a blind yet aggressive peacock wielding a paintball gun. The peacock is frantically firing, moulting and bumping into walls, squawking furiously all the while. The toddler is stumbling around draped in six paint-speckled mink scarves. The toddler's turquoise sequin cardigan is dragging along the floor, attached to his firetruck-red overalls by an errant fascinator, picking up spare peacock feathers and leaving a trail of sparkle in its wake.

Now you have an idea of what Rohan Cammers wears to go to the newsagents for a pint of milk and a newspaper at 7am.

Yet he is still the same Rohan Cammers. The guy who got banned from Apox for sneaking into the stadium of his former club during a first division match and stealing the football. The guy who got sent off for headbutting an opponent on at least two occasions. The guy who smashed shins on three continents for eight different football clubs before becoming a legendary manager at Shamrock Cathair, famed for his violent outbursts and threats. You've heard of mutton dressed as lamb or a wolf in sheep's clothing. Rohan Cammers is a wolverine dressed as an octopus. Pitbull dressed as porcupine. He is, above all else, a complete bastard.

Rohan sits on a squeaky leather armchair in the corner of the function room in the kind of golf club a bank manager would sip schnapps in while blathering to a retired colonel about how stock options were supposed to be going down but actually went up while the colonel drifted to sleep in a single-malt induced haze. Rohan Cammers is dressed like he's just played some golf, albeit golf in a steampunk post-apocalyptic Moulin Rouge themed American diner. His legs are crossed under his corduroy sarong and he's fiddling with the buttons on a ruffled tartan shirt that he apparently inherited from Clan McMagenta-and-Yellow.

He should be fairly happy. He's done a decent job so far as manager of the Audioslavian national football team. Aside from two dreadful performances against whatever Mytannion are calling themselves this week, wherein the Audioslavians were thoroughly Audioslavia'd off the park by the OGs of Pure Shithouse themselves, his side have played well and are just about atop the group, albeit with some hum-dingers still to play.

He doesn't seem happy. He's about to be interviewed by the person occupying most of the sofa opposite him.

If you go up to an artist whose speciality is sketching what they euphemistically call 'speciality anthropomorphic fantasy characters' and whisper the words 'cocky butch albino triceratops' in their ear, they'd eventually produce an image of Rook Cathar before excusing themselves to go and have a cold shower and a lie down. Rook Cathar is human, of course, but the sliders are all at 99 and the overall effect is that it instead looks like you started with an orc and worked backwards from there. He doesn't look like he should be in any golf club, let alone this one. He looks like he should earning a living as a medieval siege weapon.

Rook Cathar wears a grey suit like a cat wears a hat. It's difficult to fit a suit around someone who has six trapezoids. His arms resemble two hessian sacks full of bowling balls and porridge. He's generally built like someone who drags tractors out of swamps in between pies. It's not that he's particularly muscular or even fat, it's just that there's so much of him. He's the size of one Rook Cathar but he appears to have the mass of three. If you were ever to poke his arm to get his attention you'd break your finger.

Rook Cathar holds his cup of coffee like a regular sized human holds a pen. He sips it, puts it down, and speaks.

"I missed you the other week" he says.
"Your team missed a few things too" says Rohan, wincing. Unable to help himself. A wry smile works its way across Rook's face, though by the time it gets from the left to the right of his face, the left has relaxed again.
"Mytanija, then. Let's start there" sais Rook
"Or how about let's start with one loss from thirteen" says Rohan, a little defensively.
“That’s exactly what I said” says Rook, the smile coursing across his countenance once more. Rohan sighs.
“The first game came too early” he admits. “Mytanija were always going to be tough. To hell with their ranking, whatever it is. Their strengths are our strengths, just concentrated. Audioslavian football has always been… a bit shithousey. A bit of gamesmanship. Y’know. That kind of disappeared under Wilf and Sean Patterick. Sean had other plans. Wilf.. well he isn’t Audioslavian”
“He’s Apoxian” sais Rook. “Like you”
“Like me” says Rohan. “But also.. very much not like me”
“You’re not as Apoxian as him?”

“He’s not as Audioslavian as me”
“I get that” says Rook Cathar. “What exactly is it you’re looking to give to this national team?”
“It’s not about giving, is it? It’s about finding what’s already here and bringing it out. I’ve always played the Audioslavian way, even before I came to play and manage in Cathair. It’s a way I respect. Real recognises real”
“Utter bastards recognise other bastards”

“That’s exactly it”
“Were you surprised, being Apoxian and seeing as this national team has already had an Apoxian manager, and quite recently, to have been offered the job?”
“I wasn’t, no. I was surprised to have been offered it, initially. I figured someone else was getting it” sais Rohan, peering over his goblet of lager.
That smile again.
“They made the right decision, going with you” he says.
“Offered it to you first though, didn’t they?”
“I turned it down”
“Kind of”
“Yeah” says Rook. “Kind of”

“You weren’t 100% convinced right away. By the time you talked yourself round to it, they’d gone with me. That’s right, isn’t it”
“Yeah. No hard feelings”
“Naturally” says Rohan. “You’d have put us in the same position”
“That’s… probably supposed to sound generous”
“You reckon you could have tackled Mytanija?” asks Rohan.
“Mytanija? No. Terrible bastards. Bad matchup. Ibixa, though..”
“Yeah” says Rohan. “Yeah that one was inexcusable. By the way. Didn’t they offer you the Nepha…”
“Moving on to the games you’ve got coming up” says Rook, pretending not to hear. “Emastalia away, then crunch time with Huayramarca and Northwest Kalactin, one after the other… What do you reckon your chances are?”
“Of what?” asks Rohan. “Getting all nine points? Slim. These two are going to be tight games. Could be two points, could be three or four. We’ll take anything but a loss. Emastalia, naturally, has to be a win. But then, those guys have done well too. Keeping pace, just about, with the teams in the middle. That’s Damukuni and Sargossa and Mytanija we’re talking about here. Good teams. Strong teams. Qualifying for the World Cup these days is tough. No easy games. I mean, just ask Nepha..”
“And if you don’t make it?” says Rook Cathar, interrupting again.
“If we don’t qualify?” asks Rohan.
“Yeah”
“Then that’s it. I’m out of a job. This is Audioslavia. How many times have they failed to qualify for a tournament that they should have made? World Cup 5, aye. Maybe World Cup 80. Their qualifying record is ridiculous”
“‘Our’ qualifying record, surely”
“It *is* ‘our’, yeah” says Rohan, shaking his head. “I’m talking about past teams though. So long ago that ‘we’ doesn’t really come into it.”

“Anyway” continued Rohan. “If I do get fired, and Nephara still aren’t calling..”
“I’m fine at my club” says Rook.
“So was I mate” says Rohan. “So was I”

[Zwangzug]

The Kerlagrad Courier

Sources: Those DHA weirdos still around for some reason

According to reliable statisticians, the followers of the Divine Host of Archangels continue to worship their supernatural patrons despite not having any relevance to sporting or geopolitical events. "I was grateful they hadn't been giving me an earful lately," admitted Andy Warren-Brook. "And then it occurred to me that, oh yeah, they must still be out there, proselytizing to people who aren't in the news."

"Yea, verily, our devotion is not a fickle thing," said Morgan Quedburg of the Glorious Seraphim. "Though the world mock and persecute us, yet we shall continue to pledge our faith."

"I guess I never considered that they do normal things most of the time," Warren-Brook continued. "I mean, when they're not trying to eat wumfish, or celebrating...what holidays do the DHA even celebrate? Well, anyway."

Unlike better-known DHA adherents Sarah Espin or Mikhail Struve, Quedburg is not a cyclist, nor a politician, reporter, avid football fan, or anyone else you might normally see profiled in these columns. "This isn't even foreshadowing a plot that could go somewhere," Quedburg confirmed. "Just a reminder that we're here and so are our metaphysical presuppositions, and if you don't like it, you can go bleep yourself. Of course, now that I've said that, I would be happy to reappear in future editions if you need more reminders of my, and my comrades', unwavering faith."

At press time, Warren-Brook was evaluating the feasibility of various methods for self-bleepage.

-With a scoreless draw against Zwangzug, Savojarna are now five points clear of second-placed Abanhfleft. The "Northlights" are hoping to qualify to the proper in the Wintery Iceland of Taeshan. (Or the Flammable Gas of Ethane. But hopefully Taeshan. Get it? Northlights? Taeshan's weather? It--okay apparently my editor doesn't like this for some reason.)

-Zwangzug secured a draw with Netop after the latter side were reduced to ten players. Marcus Hussel, a halftime substitute for the home Friends, was issued a yellow card for a rough tackle on Nora Kent-Maner. The referee tried to just make a note of it and continue on with play, but Hussel protested, noting that the ref had dared to round his uniform number to 6.28 and that he should really use the precise 2 pi or, preferably, be stymied by writing out the infinite decimal so that the infraction could never be sent to the World Cup Commitee and he would avoid further punishment. The referee solved this problem by issuing Hussel a second yellow for dissent. Joey House tried to shift to a more defensive formation, but Gordon Blum was able to evade the makeshift defense for a late equalizer and salvage a half-point [it's a full point, international scoring. -ed]

Prior to that, goals from the two captains--Jonah McCollins and the indomitable Teddy Riggs--had seen the teams tied in the first half. After halftime, however, Netop had pulled ahead on a very impressive individual run from Zoe Kinney. The right winger took control of the ball in midfield, dribbled around Sophie Munshi, paused to yell at a rude fan who was making unkind remarks about her indigenous Atlantian heritage, blasted the ball into the goalpost six feet beyond the hapless Fedya Troy-Vee's reached, continued forward until her momentum knocked her into the goalpost, and sneezed on the referee in celebration. Like her uniform number, the performance has been characterized as "peak 2020" for some reason.

[Hapilopper]

Capital Stadium, Hapilopper City
Leading up to World Cup 87 Qualifying Match 14: Hapilopper v. Vdara
There was something about a rivalry game in Hapilopper that always stirred the emotions of the fans that arrived at Capital Stadium. For all intents and purposes, this would most likely be the last time that Nathan Ellis and Alexis Fotellis would face off on the same football pitch. The two ballplayers from most likely vastly different backgrounds – Ellis, the street thug from the south side of Buckridge who took up soccer so he wouldn’t end up going in and out of Hapilopper’s jails, and Fotellis, one of Vdara’s first football heroes. The two men became linked several years ago when Nate Ellis, not thinking a thing of it, leveled Fotellis in Vdara’s first ever international match.

By now, the stories of Ellis-Fotellis had become legend. Ellis clotheslined Fotellis and then taunted him. Fotellis retaliated by kicking him in the face. Fast-forward two years, and Ellis, it has now been confirmed, dressed up as a player from the Acronius team and cheap-shotted Fotellis. One year later, and another clothesline knocked Fotellis out for a few games. The final confrontation drew near.

Sitting in the locker room of Capital Stadium, Nate actually, surprisingly, wasn’t showing any of his brash bravado he normally showed before matches. Sure, the Haps had no reason to have any kind of bravado lately, having lost four straight matches and coming within a hair of being eliminated from contention. But even in those instances, Nate would typically show up with an arrogant attitude – of “yeah, we’re gonna party tonight!”

That wasn’t evident on this night. Instead, he sat at his chair, staring down at the ground. He looked forlorn, anxious, worried. He carried the demeanor not of a world-beating footballer, but of a convicted murderer about to be led to his execution. He just figured that something was about to happen, and he was about to reap the benefits of constantly cheap-shotting someone who wasn’t afraid to bite back.

He stared at some of his teammates, hoping that they weren’t paying attention, and to his relief, they weren’t. They were getting ready for the match themselves. Ernie Stevenson was stretching his legs against a locker. Claire Randall was reading a book. Cooter Harris was preparing his goalkeeper’s gloves. Nobody was focused on Nate Ellis, except for Nate Ellis himself. He looked up at the clock, and saw the time was passing by very, very slowly. Almost like if he was waiting for his execution. Almost like Alexis Fotellis, in an executioner’s hood, was waiting for him at the gallows, ready to swing the axe at his throat and strike down with furious anger.

But he had to take the pitch. That morning, Thom Perkins, frustrated by the lack of form from the Haps, contemplated sitting Ellis down for the match. He had to make a change, he felt. He had to change things out, and what better way to change than to replace Nate with Billy Hutson. And Thom explained his reasoning to Nate in a face-to-face meeting just before lunch time.

“First of all, I can not afford you getting hurt,” Thom said. “If you take the pitch against Vdara, someone, and we both know who, is going to take you out. We’re gonna put Hutson in and prevent that.”

“No,” Ellis said. “You do that and I won’t be able to look at myself in the mirror in the morning. You take me out and I don’t think I can call myself a man. I have to take this like a man. Period.”

“Fine,” Thom said. “Your funeral.”

Nate knew he wasn’t going to be leaving the pitch at Capital Stadium under his own power. He figured he was going to get hurt in this match, probably taking a hard fall on the hard artificial turf in Capital Stadium. There wasn’t much give in that turf. It was a concrete floor with a carpet above it and a small carpet above that. Players hated it. When they landed the wrong way, it was capable of giving out some very serious injuries. If someone hit a seam of the turf the wrong way, they could sustain a potential career ending injury.

Thankfully, that had not yet happened in any of the World Cup Qualifiers in Capital Stadium. But that still didn’t stop baseball, gridiron and soccer players from demanding that Capital Stadium replace the turf with something a little softer. Maybe like natural grass or something. But Nate sensed that he was going to land on that turf in a terrible way during the qualifier.

Up above, he could hear the lunatic fans from Hapilopper, those unflappable ultras, sing their songs, bang their drums and blow their horns like there was no tomorrow. It added to the tension, the anxiety, the fear. This one was going to suck, and it was going to suck badly. And it was going to happen in front of his fellow countrymen.

He didn’t know Alexis Fotellis personally. He had no intention of doing so. He figured humanizing the enemy would have a negative impact on his psyche – after all, what’s the use of taking down a player that you’ve befriended? He figured that, given another 10 or 20 years, after all this had settled down, he might consider offering a peace offering to him, long after the two had left the game. The two could go on speaking tours together, or maybe do one of those interview shows where the two reminisce about their run-ins. But that was down the road. He figured Fotellis was foaming at the mouth, raring to go, waiting to deliver a final, crippling blow to his hated rival.

And that, and that alone, made Nathan Ellis very, very nervous.

For the first time that anyone could remember, Nathan Ellis was scared of what was coming. But he had to take it like a man. He had to fall on his sword. He had to take what was coming his way.

[PotatoFarmers]

Previous RP (Chapter 3 Part 7)

RP Series: Getting to the top
Chapter 3: New Year, New Goals
Part 8: Terrible flashbacks

Adnan stared in disbelief as the team just conceded goals after goals. Goals after goals. The play gave Adnan (and Katiri beside him) a reminder of how the Red Panjias imploded 2 years ago, after grabbing the best advantage they could ever have from a home-away double against Audioslavia. Now, they haven't beaten Krytenia away, the home match is yet to come, and the Red Panjias are just holding a slim 3 point lead.

Adnan knows his job cannot be at risk. Never. The PFFA wouldn't be doing anything silly to fire him. They aren't doing that badly, if you were to compare to the recent sackings of the Nepharan manager or the Yuezhou manager. Adnan has spiritual status in the country, being the one to produce results with 2 IAC titles in just 6 years, a BoF bronze medal, and really nice qualification runs thus far. Besides, there aren't exactly managers available to replace him. His son? Douglas Suliaha is just 27. He spent the past few years trying out with different clubs to see if he can be a footballer, but Douglas simply wasn't cut for football. Maybe management. Katiri? Adnan's right-hand man has indicated that he is only here because of Adnan, and if Adnan left the post, he would leave too. Who else? A foreign answer? Doubt Poafmersia is in a position where a foreign manager will be accepted. If foreigners are willing to come to Poafmersia, probably the Premier League will be littered with them. For now, it is just one - Mancodas City, and nobody actually thinks that he will stay for long as Mancodas City have trigger-happy owners.

The only plus point, honestly speaking, has been Iulianus Innocenti. The center-forward has now scored in 4 consecutive matches, and has worked along with the older players very well. He has fitted into the puzzle piece, providing a different avenue for attack to the club, and has been the stone that sharpened the blade of the Red Panjias. However, the blade being sharpened isn't enough, since the team that wields it needs to wield it correctly. And if the team is vulnerable to counter-attacks, like they have suffered against West Zirconia and the Confederates, then something needs to be relooked at. The away fans, the 10,000 loyal fans who have been accompanying the team to both nations, have been really dissapointed at being out-shouted at. But the remaining 5 matches involves 3 home matches - Gyasto-Kai, Krytenia and Farfadillis. Over the past 3 years, Libira has been turned into the fortress aided by the twelve man - the fans have lifted the atmosphere so much that many visiting teams will consider the arena to be one of toxicity. The last time Poafmersia lost at Libira, it was against The Holy Empire - that rematch might actually be on the cards if the qualifiers ended today. But Adnan would want to avoid the playoffs and hope for a direct qualification instead - and many fans would think the same. The qualifiers, as it stands today, has the utmost potential to be a minefield with lots of surprise entrants needing to play each other to book their tickets to Taeshan and Ethane. Vilita, Nephara, Reçueçn, New Lusitania, The Holy Empire, Siovanija and Teusland, Quebec, Kelssek, Chromatika, Abanhfleft - just some of the teams that might need the playoffs to get their ticket. And by the look of that, the field is just outright insane.

Adnan might be tempted to field a newer side and rotate harder. They actually cannot afford to rotate even more. Katiri said that the coaching team has a shortlist of 28 players ready, and will be taking the time to tie down their standard starting lineup and starting 11, as well as cut 5 more players for the competition next year. However, time is running out. Away at Socialist New Britain and Caryton, they cannot afford to drop any points. At home, it is even worse. Every point matters from now on, and Adnan needs to fix the problems before they come back to haunt him.

---

Sporting Daily
Analysis of Group 11-19: The things after Matchday 14
Having cross-posted the analysis done by our friends from South Jeolerina last week, the Sporting Daily will give an analysis of Group 11 to 19 today. These 9 groups would include South Jeolerina and their united team, The Gothanita Isles. It also features lots of particularly extreme situations that we are seeing at this moment, something that is extremely interesting. Without further ado, here we go.

Just to remind our readers on the legend:

Team Name (Y) - Cannot be group winners, but may still qualify for the World Cup as the 3 best runners-up.
Team Name (Z) - Cannot qualify for the World Cup directly, but may still advance to the Play-offs
Team Name (E) - Eliminated

Group 11                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Valanora                              13   13   0   0    40   16  +24    39
 2 Kelssek                               13   11   0   2    33   16  +17    33
 3 Darmen                                13    8   0   5    27   23   +4    24
 4 Squidroidia (Y)                       13    7   1   5    33   25   +8    22
 5 Wreckeria (Y)                         13    6   3   4    30   25   +5    21
 6 Barunia (Y)                           13    6   0   7    25   22   +3    18
 7 Frestovenia (Y)                       13    6   0   7    31   23   +8    18
 8 Jabal Akhdar (E)                      13    3   1   9    19   35  −16    10
 9 Tornado Queendom (E)                  13    2   1  10    19   40  −21     7
10 Icecliff (E)                          13    0   0  13    11   43  −32     0

Literally over as we speak. It will take a miracle, but Valanora and Kelssek has this group on lockdown. Kelssek has only lost to Valanora twice thus far, and apart from that, it seems that there will be nothing else. All the other teams will slowly, struggle, but fight for honor, which is the higher ranking places.

Group 12                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Starblaydia                           13   10   2   1    42   16  +26    32
 2 Equestria                             13    9   3   1    38   19  +19    30
 3 Omerica                               13    8   4   1    31   18  +13    28
 4 Darkmania                             13    6   4   3    31   25   +6    22
 5 Yuezhou                               13    6   3   4    22   20   +2    21
 6 Transvolcanic (Y)                     13    5   1   7    23   33  −10    16
 7 Beepee (E)                            13    3   5   5    20   26   −6    14
 8 Lorrana (E)                           13    3   1   9    26   32   −6    10
 9 The Grearish Union (E)                13    2   2   9    14   29  −15     8
10 Mexi Catcha (E)                       13    0   1  12    10   39  −29     1

Starblaydia, Equestria, Omerica. One of these teams will have to give way sooner or later, with Matchday 14's Equestria vs Omerica the battle of the group. Apart from that match, the rest of the matches look to be routine wins for all 3 sides, and it would really be a battle of "who blinks first" if anything else does not happen.

Group 13                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Banija                                13   12   0   1    45   16  +29    36
 2 New Lusitania and the Algarves        13    9   1   3    35   24  +11    28
 3 Saltstead                             13    8   1   4    15   15    0    25
 4 Jeruselem                             13    6   3   4    30   26   +4    21
 5 Thibaea (Y)                           13    6   2   5    26   23   +3    20
 6 Vangaziland (Y)                       13    5   3   5    34   33   +1    18
 7 Oberour Ar Moro (Z)                   13    4   3   6    29   30   −1    15
 8 Stevidia (E)                          13    4   0   9    22   33  −11    12
 9 Melbergia (E)                         13    2   5   6    14   24  −10    11
10 The Belacian States (E)               13    0   0  13     9   35  −26     0

A close battle between New Lusitania and Saltstead would be our biggest guess here. There is no way World Champions Banija will throw away a 11 point lead to third. While New Lusitania still has to welcome Banija on Matchday 18, Saltstead's hardest battle would be welcoming Jeurselem in Matchday 15. Not to mention New Lusitania's home match against Saltstead on Matchday 16. The last time both sides played, New Lusitania took home the narrowest of wins. We see how this would play out again.

Group 14                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Astograth                             13   12   0   1    29   11  +18    36
 2 Squornshelous                         13   11   1   1    39   21  +18    34
 3 Mriin                                 13    9   2   2    32   14  +18    29
 4 Rangers FC                            13    7   2   4    31   20  +11    23
 5 Euran Oceania Territories (Y)         13    6   1   6    30   27   +3    19
 6 Lisander (E)                          13    5   1   7    23   25   −2    16
 7 Acastanha (E)                         13    2   4   7    15   26  −11    10
 8 Fjorsz (E)                            13    3   1   9    23   30   −7    10
 9 The H Corporation (E)                 13    2   3   8    17   35  −18     9
10 United Australasian Commonwealth (E)  13    0   1  12    10   40  −30     1

Mriin needs a really good run to get into top 2. Astograth and Squornshelous looks to be running away with the lead, although I would say Mriin has a chance of leapfrogging Squornshelous with a 6-pointer in Matchday 15. Honestly, the runway for all 3 teams are quite different, with Mriin getting the simplest one. For Mriin, only a potential slip-up at home against Rangers FC is the highest concern. The remaining matches, apart from the 6-pointer, are matches against the current bottom 3 teams. Squornshelous still has to play Astograth at home, a fixture Astograth won 5-3 the last time out. Squornshelous also has a home match against Euran Oceania Territories, a potential banana peel in its own regard. Astograth would have the trickiest of fixtures, with away fixtures at Rangers FC and Lisander being the biggest ones apart from the 6-pointer at Squornshelous. Oh well, we shall see how this plays out then.

Group 15                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Ko-oren                               13   10   3   0    26    4  +22    33
 2 Independent Athletes from Quebec      13    7   5   1    25   16   +9    26
 3 Blouman Empire                        13    7   3   3    29   21   +8    24
 4 Legalese                              13    6   5   2    15   13   +2    23
 5 Sylestone                             13    7   1   5    17   13   +4    22
 6 The Sarian                            13    5   4   4    15   14   +1    19
 7 Crystalline Caverns (Z)               13    3   4   6    25   25    0    13
 8 PSTCT (Z)                             13    2   6   5    17   22   −5    12
 9 North Alezia (E)                      13    0   3  10     5   25  −20     3
10 Simulland (E)                         13    0   2  11     9   30  −21     2

This is a rather tough group, a tough nut to crack honestly in the battle for 2nd. After a really good run, a spate of draws has hindered the Grim Reapers' progress. They would be yearning to get back into the World Cup again after last cycle, and with Ko-oren likely taking top spot, Quebec would have to navigate 3 home matches - against Legalese, Sylestone, and Ko-oren. For everyone else? The battle is among themselves, especially with Blouman Empire, Legalese, and Sylestone.

Group 16                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Trolleborg                            13   11   0   2    39   21  +18    33
 2 The Holy Empire                       13    9   3   1    36   21  +15    30
 3 Maccian                               13    7   1   5    33   21  +12    22
 4 Twicetagria                           13    6   3   4    29   19  +10    21
 5 Megistos                              13    4   6   3    19   18   +1    18
 6 Waisnor (Y)                           13    5   2   6    18   23   −5    17
 7 Red Kelp (Y)                          13    4   4   5    19   24   −5    16
 8 Sulsuland (Z)                         13    4   3   6    15   21   −6    15
 9 Yerapia (E)                           13    1   3   9    14   34  −20     6
10 Mand Blustopia (E)                    13    0   3  10    11   31  −20     3

Looks like Trolleborg and The Holy Empire running away with it. They have been slipping up opportunities to wrap it up, but honestly they have so much ability that seeing an upset would be close to impossible.

Group 17                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Tikariot                              13    9   3   1    32   14  +18    30
 2 Vilita                                13    8   5   0    36   17  +19    29
 3 Newmanistan                           13    8   3   2    35   18  +17    27
 4 Tequilo                               13    7   5   1    34   14  +20    26
 5 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom             13    5   5   3    18   18    0    20
 6 Hebitaka                              13    4   4   5     9   16   −7    16
 7 Khytonya (E)                          13    2   3   8    16   25   −9     9
 8 Balqia (E)                            13    1   5   7    20   34  −14     8
 9 State of Trinity (E)                  13    1   4   8    11   29  −18     7
10 Widaya (E)                            13    0   3  10    10   36  −26     3

We have been stuck on this group and the next one for a very long time. An extremely brutal situation where Tequilo, Tikariot are fighting with Vilita and Newmanistan for spots. Of course, the next 3 matchdays would tell. Tikariot plays all other 3 teams. Tequilo plays Newmanistan and Tikariot. Newmanistan plays both Tikariot and Tequilo. Vilita has to take on Tikariot, before a tricky home tie against Zeta Reka in Matchday 17. Still a lot to play for here, and it remains extremely difficult to make a call honestly.

Group 18                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Pasarga                               13    9   2   2    29   15  +14    29
 2 South Newlandia                       13    9   2   2    21   12   +9    29
 3 Tumbra                                13    7   2   4    21   19   +2    23
 4 The Gothanita Isles                   13    7   1   5    28   21   +7    22
 5 Hampton Island                        13    6   2   5    10    7   +3    20
 6 Bluecliff League                      13    6   1   6    14   17   −3    19
 7 Valladares                            13    6   1   6    31   24   +7    19
 8 Garifunya                             13    4   4   5    22   18   +4    16
 9 U-Koro (E)                            13    2   1  10    14   30  −16     7
10 Regmotto (E)                          13    0   2  11    10   37  −27     2

Fantastic. If you think this is an easy call for South Newlandia and Pasarga, then you have not seen how this has been evolving. There are no easy battles around. South Newlandia, Tumbra, The Gothanita Isles, Bluecliff, Valladares have all be presenting absolutely brilliant shocks and performances that this will be a nice fight to the finish. Not to mention the capabilities of Pasarga and Hampton Island, both of which participated in the World Cup last year. How fantastic can the battle go? We can't tell for now, but really, if Group 15 is the widely considered Group of Death, then Group 18 should be the secret Group of Death.

Group 19                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Savigliane                            13   10   1   2    30   13  +17    31
 2 Siovanija & Teusland                  13    9   3   1    36   17  +19    30
 3 Eura                                  13    7   4   2    27   15  +12    25
 4 Kohnhead                              13    5   3   5    35   25  +10    18
 5 Natanians and Nosts                   13    5   3   5    21   23   −2    18
 6 Mapletish                             13    4   5   4     8    8    0    17
 7 Pemecutan                             13    4   4   5    22   25   −3    16
 8 Port Ember (Z)                        13    4   3   6    21   19   +2    15
 9 Al Qurija (E)                         13    3   1   9    14   35  −21    10
10 United Pink States (E)                13    0   1  12    15   49  −34     1

Savigliane being yet another of the many dark horses, it seems particularly possible that they can steal one of the top 2 spots. But it may be too early to decide. With matches against fellow competitors Siovanija and Teusland, as well as Eura, yet to come, the battle could very well last till Matchday 18, when Eura hosts Savigliane. We think Siovanija & Teusland has the advanatge. We aren't sure. Just wait and see.

SRS 2
Walda Harkhan 50'; Lyzolda Petrov 65'

Poafmersia 2
Iulianus Innocenti 28' (assist by Walshor); Alex Hoboson 83'

Lineup for Poafmersia (3-4-3): Sandi Jaliaha; Nasri Sanchez, Hollis Stephenson, Alex Hoboson; Dargis Walshor, Gisiik Moonar, Daas Taisg, Monesty Erdos; Joel Haodao (c), Iulianus Innocenti, Aleka Dufour
Substitutes: Shakira Handris (Haodao 51'); Nero Wood (Taisg 68')

West Zirconia 4
Michael Read 29'
Connor French 51'
Mark Heath 64', 89'

Poafmersia 3
Joel Haodao 16', 45+3'
Iulianus Innocenti 78' (assist by Haodao)

Lineup for Poafmersia (4-3-3): Sandi Jaliaha; Nasri Sanchez, Mitchel Rosales, Hollis Stephenson, Natalia Abbott; Arnold Shwentin, Woden Sweet, Gisiik Moonar; Joel Haodao (c), Iulianus Innocenti, Monesty Erdos
Subsitutes: Donk Mason (Shwentin 70'); Hansel Tang (Haodao 78')

[Siovanija and Teusland]

Score! Magazine

How to Win the Champions’ League With This One, Simple Trick!

Stelburg Men Make Millions in Prize Money

Outside of Siovanija & Teusland’s continued campaign at World Cup 87, which is coming down to the wire after a solid 2-0 home win against Eura, the team now sitting second in the group with just 5 matches to play, including a potentially decisive clash with Savigliane, there is one other major story in the football world. Vanorian football club Raynor City United captured its 1st IFCF, and 6th world club football title, pulling into a tie with Yuba United for the most championships.

Of course, given how close the Vanorian Premiership is to our shores, there are plenty of supporters of the Rockers in our country - arguably the second most popular foreign club, behind 1830 Cathair of Audioslavia. And that support skyrocketed when national team star centre back Karl-Heinz Jager joined the club a few years ago. Jager was quite a happy man when lifting the biggest prize in club football, after a few years of close-calls and an AOCL triumph in his time so far at the club.

But when looking back at the recent history of club football, there becomes a clear trend. A simple trick, if you will. A blueprint for success in the IFCF Champions’ League. In the five editions of the IFCF Champions’ League that have been contested so far, a player from Siovanija & Teusland has played in the final of each and every tournament. Let’s take a look back on the runs of the players, and the role they played in these periods of success for their clubs.

The first edition of the IFCF Champions’ League was a new era for club football. Numerous new leagues, some high risers on the international club stage, and the opportunity to create a new legacy for many clubs. But sometimes, old is new. Thorsten Kramer was the big signing at Cathair a season prior, and was now fully integrated in the squad, playing alongside a collection of legends of the game like Faeron Soldarian and Espy va Drake. 1830 would go 5-0-1 in the group stage, before being drawn for a matchup with eventual international rivals Directus of Eura. Cathair triumphed 4-3 on aggregate, before defeating another Euran club, Spartangrad, 3-2. In the semifinals, Tanrisal were felled 3-0, setting up a clash in the first-ever Champions’ League Final between 1830 Cathair and Brenecia’s Northern Stallions.

The final would be a bit of a letdown - 0-0 after 90, and still after 120 minutes. But a 4-2 win on penalties for 1830 Cathair made the Audioslav club champions of the club football world for the first time in its new era. Thorsten Kramer became the first player from Siovanija & Teusland to win the world title.

In the second edition of the Champions’ League, however, Kramer and Cathair would not be able to defend their title. A difficult run in the group stage meant they were eliminated from the tournament before the playoff stage really began, which left the crown wide open for the taking. For the first time, too, a club from Siovanija & Teusland reached the playoffs, with FC Teussen Stelburg advancing to the Round of 16 before being knocked out by Northern Union.

But Siovanija & Teusland’s involvement was not finished just yet. The Quarterfinal matchup between Vanorian sides Raynor City United and Soldarian FC was also a battle between two Goldhorns - United’s Jager, and Soldarian FC forward Anton Dimitrov. Dimitov and Soldarian would triumph over their famous rivals, 3-1 on aggregate, before defeating Crisisbless in the semifinals. This took Soldarian FC to the final, Anton Dimitrov becoming the second player from the United Republics to play in the Champions’ League Final. Soldarian would lose to Northern Union, the same team that knocked out Teussen. 2 Champions’ League Finals, 2 players from Siovanija & Teusland.

The third edition of the Champions’ League saw a giant returned to attempt to reclaim their throne, as well as the greatest run by a club from Siovanija & Teusland yet. FC Felsenkirchen 1879’s squad led by World Cup winners in Ciriko Useternix and Falcon Case captured the hearts of the entire country - sans Stelburg, of course - as they advanced to the Quarterfinal stage, with a ridiculous comeback at home in the Round of 16 to knock out Cazadores Cathair, before a thrilling 5-4 loss at the hands of Jungle Strike FC. Once again, however, the flag of this country was still flying in the tournament.

Thorsten Kramer, by now the captain of 1830 Cathair, and his team made a charge through the playoff rounds, defeating Norrion Rovers, Ma Alameome and a great 5-1 win over Jungle Strike to set up a date with Directus in the final. The final, at Cathair’s home stadium, would once again go to penalties, where Kramer would sadly miss his penalty as the Eurans ran out as victors for the first time in the competition. 3 Champions’ League Finals, 3 players from Siovanija & Teusland.

The fourth Champions’ League would see some of the expected standard-carriers from Siovanija & Teusland fall before the later stages of the tournament. Thorsten Kramer and 1830 Cathair went out in the Quarterfinals, once again against Directus. But Raynor City United and Karl-Heinz Jager remained alive, as did Shamrock Cathair and Ilya Karapetrov. And the two clubs were destined to meet in the Semifinals.

A 1-1 draw in the first leg gave Shamrock a bit of an advantage, and they would capitalize with a 0-0 draw in the second leg at home to advance to their first Champions’ League Final. The club had an opportunity to become the second club from Cathair to win the trophy, a major statement over their rivals Caza, but instead, they became the second club from Cathair to lose to Directus in the final as the Euran club took the trophy again, 2-1 the final score. Still, however: Ilya Karapetrov played in the final. 4 Champions’ League Finals, 4 players from Siovanija & Teusland.

Would the trend continue in the fifth IFCF Champions’ League? Of course it would. Raynor City United reached the final thanks to a brilliant run in the competition, a 4-2-0 record in the group stage with only 4 goals conceded. The Rockers then crushed Istria City of Banija 5-1, Cednia Beach AFC 2-1 and CA Paulinthal 3-0 to reach the final against Northern Union of Brenecia.

Karl-Heinz Jager and the Rockers would win the final 1-0, giving up only 6 goals in 14 Champions’ League games and a clean sheet over their final 3 matches in the tournament. Jager became the second player from Siovanija & Teusland to lift the title, and the fifth consecutive player from the United Republics to reach the final. 5 Champions’ League Finals, 5 players from Siovanija & Teusland.

So, what are we saying here? That the STFA are bribing the IFCF to make the country look better? Well, no, because in that case FC Teussen Stelburg would’ve won the Challengers’ Cup Final. Is Teusland truly God’s chosen land, as it was believed in the days of the Empire? Probably not - because Thorsten Kramer wouldn’t have missed that penalty. The facts, however, are quite clear - there has yet to be a Champions’ League Final that did not involve a player from Siovanija & Teusland.

If you’re a fan of Brinemouth, you are reading this and saying ‘we signed two players, and all we got was this league title!’ And fans of Kingsgrove and CA Paulinthal are saying - ‘hold on, we have players from your country too, why haven’t we made the final?’ We don’t know. There aren’t any real rules that govern how this happens - just what happens in the Final itself. Both plaeyrs to have won the Champions’ League title did so after defeating Brenecian clubs with ‘Northern’ in their name. But didn’t Northern Union defeat Soldarian FC and Anton Dimitrov? Well, yes, but they knocked out FC Teussen Stelburg in the Round of 16, which reverses things. Maybe? Otherwise, it seems like the Euran giants Directus are the only club standing between Siovanija & Teusland and world domination.

So, are you a foreign football club trying to win the Champions’ League, but feel you are missing one key piece? There is one key solution for you - sign a player from Siovanija & Teusland. 10% of the time, it works every time!

In all seriousness, the one truth that can be taken out of this record is the growing reputation of our nation and its footballers on the world stage. The fact that players from Siovanija & Teusland are regularly playing for clubs of such stature, and making real contributions, means only good things for the development of football in our nation. And with an important run-in in World Cup 87’s Qualifiers ahead, the Goldhorns will be hoping to draw on those experiences from key players to pull out a successful resolution to the campaign. Come on you Goldhorns!

[Chromatika]

Matchday 12: Eastfield Lodge 3-4 Chromatika
EFL: R. Midfielder '16, Striker '41, Left Winger '68; CMT: Victoriane '24, '61, Han '74, Andisori, K. '86
Starting XI: Tioux; Chapman - Will - Ken - Pomeroy; Victoriane (C) - Zuniga- Kuznetsov; Kuzami; Non - Andisori, B.
Substitutes: Dias -> Zuniga ('58), Han -> Kuznetsov ('66), Andisori, K. -> Non ('82)

---

Matchday 13: Chromatika 2-0 Mavinet @ The Capitalizt Dome, Chromia, Capital District
CMT: Victoriane '29, Kim, M.J. '80; MVN: None.
Starting XI: Tioux; Chapman - Will - Ken - Pomeroy; Victoriane (C) - Zuniga - Kuznetsov; Kuzami; Non - Andisori, B.
Substitutes: Marc -> Victoriane ('61), De Saint-Pierre -> Chapman ('73), Kim, M.J. -> Kuzami ('79)

Sometimes, you just need someone to take charge.

Sometimes, you just need a spark to carry the squad.

Sometimes, you just need a veteran to do what they've done time and time again.

Keira Andisori is not starting anymore, choosing to come off the bench when needed. That leaves the other, the player also nearing a hundred goals scored for country.

Kaytlyn, Victoriane. The terror of the SPL, scoring three goals against Eastfield Lodge and Mavinet. Goals 90, 91, and 92.

Legends never die.

---

World Cup 87 Qualifiers, Part 7: The Return

With a twisting, sinking sensation, Celebrity Hauser landed in the center of the Chromatik Assembly.

Instantly, there were so many people around her all at once, but the first pair of hands that reached for her was her mother's.

As her parents drew her in for a hug, there was a sigh of relief from them.

She spent the next thirty minutes repeating the same story time and time again, about how she'd be contacted about The Light, how she'd agreed to meet him, how she'd been taken to the Plane of the Enlightened, and then to a temporal terminus that had made time go by so much slower in there. After about the fifth time, she was getting exceedingly tired, but she seemed to be getting her point across.

When they realized it wasn't a national emergency, the security backed off; then, it was just Keira Andisori, Celebrity's parents, and the Premier, Keri Wyse Aart. The actual Premier!

"We are glad you're okay, honey," her dad said for the fourth time in fifteen minutes.

"The Skilled asked that I be here, too?" asked the Premier.

"Yes, Ma'am," replied Celebrity, "He insisted on it."

"There is only one more question for you before we talk to The Skilled," said Keira calmly, "Do you want to see him again?"

All eyes were turned on Celebrity, who blushed scarlet.

"I think so?" she replied, "I mean, I really enjoyed talking to him, I'd like to, if that's okay."

"Would that be okay?" stated Dr. Hauser to the Premier, "I mean, The Enlightened have never had an interpersonal relationship with a Chromatik before, but is there any reason it shouldn't happen?"

Keri caught Mrs. Hauser's eye with a look that said that they should talk more in private, then replied, "I'm sure we can figure something out."

She motioned to Keira to take Celebrity, and the legendary striker took the still embarrassed teen for a walk.

"Mrs. Hauser," stated the Premier, rather solemnly, "I'll do the best I can, but I don't know if relationships between our two realms is even possible. After that, I don't even know if our two beings are physically compatible."

"You don't think - " started Mrs. Hauser.

"I don't know," said Keri, "All I know is love is... Things just happen. Might as well check all the boxes beforehand."

With that, the two parents and the Premier awaited the return of The Enlightened.

---

Chromatik Team for WC Qualifying - Matchday 14 @ Arklanda and Matchday 15 @ ZSeparatists
Projected Starting XI: Fillar, J.; De Saint-Pierre - Rondeau - Baugh - Austic; Marc - Dias (C) - Reynolds; Hauser; Gainsbourg - Thibodeaux.
Reserves: Descombes, Alexander; Watt, Odling, Ingram, Nocturne; Kelly, Kim, M.S., Croix-Pierre; Fillar, B.; Andisori, K., Toussaint.

[Electrum]

The Turnip: An Electrifying Victory
by Primmy Primmy Primrose, citizen journalist

In a change to our normal true news coverage, we have decided to briefly cover World Cup Qualifying despite the fact that No One Cares About World Cup Qualifying. The Electrumite national football team satisfactorially met the expectations of discerning Electrumites today with a 2-1 victory over top team Norish Jeia Repa. It was a truly remarkable victory with which we will recount in grandiloquent detail below, right here, right now.

It all started long ago to a time that we call "last week". The Electrum football team had recently took umbrage to the fact that the Vdarans dared to defeat them. That's right. A country who thinks it is so cool having a bird on a twig as a flag, and who think it's so call that we have to pronounce a schwa without a corresponding vowel in the first syllable of its name. How absolutely arrogant. Anyways, there was a dust up, a bit of a bingle so to speak, and Seb, the Sentient Energy Ball of the Electrumite team got pissed off. It needed a tungsten pizza for it to assuage its anger of our loss.

Fast forward to today in our match against Quakmybush. Away. At some Quakmybushian arena against some players, of whom we don't know the names of. Is it because of journalistic incompetence? Are we too lazy to look up the names of Quakmybushian players? Perhaps. Or perhaps their names have disappeared into the aether, the screams of a nothing team lost to the airwaves. They arrive. Expecting a large crowd of people, they instead arrive at just the local school oval. There's barely anyone in sight, but this will be the site of the qualifying match.

"FUUUUUUUUU," screamed Seb. All of the Electrumite players looked at it. It was raging at how unprepared the Quakmybushians apparently were. It got set off once again. Captain Alan Moore comes over. "Seb. Remember our game plan. You've got to forget the Vdarans who set you off. Who even offers tungsten pizza anyways? We all know that you would prefer a mercury milkshake instead. But that's beside the point. Whenever you feel angry, remember to curl up inside you-know-where. We don't want to waste a sub on you. Or lose you to a red card. So just be careful." A nod, or something close to a nod that can be attained from a sentient ball of energy was perceived by everyone.

The match begins. Electrum are on cruise control. Electrum are leading 2-0. Seb's even scored a goal, thanks to a Quakmybushian mishitting the ball towards Seb, who uses most of its mental capacity to redirect the ball, once it entered the insides of its body, into the net. But then, the Quakmybushian goalie kicks the ball so well that it goes over the heads of all the Electrumites, where it is promptly received by a Quakmybushian forward who then nets the goal to zero opposition. Seb is absolutely pissed. Moore looks at it. "Game plan. NOW!"

Seb, the energy ball uses its anger to rush "head" first into the behind of player #24, Android X3-TU in the shape of a flightless bird. It electrifies its rectum. An electric rectum if you will. "BAKAWK!" screams the android, who is now juiced up by the energy flowing through its electrical circuits. The Quakmybushians don't have long to celebrate with the android promptly tearing up the local oval. Its talons have absolutely shredded the football ground to pieces, rendering it unplayable, turning it into a surface you would expect to find in deplorable places like Saintland or Cocoabo Forest.

Using its strong, rigid legs, the android promptly steals the ball in the Electrum forward half from fellow player William Stewart and toebashes it straight into the Quakmybushian goal. It's sharp toenail deflates the ball while it is in mid air, but the combined force of the electrified rectum from Seb and the Android mean that the deflated ball's projectory lands squarely in the top-left corner of the goal, the hapless Quakmybushians are dumbfounded. The whistle is blown and the game is over. An electrifying victory indeed. And, as it turns out, it was exactly the power outlet that Seb needed. It doesn't care about how the Vdarans are inexplicably on top of the ladder. It only cares about one thing -- scoring goals.

OOC: Yes. The purpose of this roleplay was to set up this one specific joke. Enjoy.

[Squornshelous]

Coincidence, Part 7
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
ooc: many thanks to Kry for agreeing to collaborate on this plot point and providing some excellent groundwork for me to build on.

The meeting with Yakovlev had gone exceptionally well, and Petrov considered it the finest performance yet of the his current endeavor.

As with so many others, the offer to watch a national team match from The Minister of Sport's private box had proved irresistible to the still inexperienced Foreign Minister. Conversation had ranged back and forth across a variety of topics as they watched their Red-and-Black overpower the team from Lisander. Yakovlev had been quite congratulatory of Petrov, naturally. The team took the win handily, controlling possession against a rather flat looking Lisander team. With Mriin and Astograth playing elsewhere, the result would ensure that the Imperium would, at worst, remain in second place in Group 14, and among those second-placed teams placed well enough to be slated for automatic qualification. A lot of football remained, to be sure, including matches against both Astograth and Mriin. Still, the team was playing exceptionally well, and surely some credit had to find its way up to the top, didn't it?

Of course, not least among the topics discussed was the developing dispute between the Imperium and the heretofore unconsidered Protectorate of Ibixa. Minister Yakovlev had been suffering no small amount of stress over the matter, and was grateful for a sympathetic ear. The Krytenian ambassador had insisted that this was a matter to be taken up with Ibixa itself, despite the fact that all foreign relations for the protectorate were de jure the bailiwick of the Krytenian government. The Ibixan government, in turn, had referred Yakovlev's staff to Dotix. The private company responsible for registering Ibixan domains was apparently perfectly happy to do business with terrorist filth like NewCon. Indeed, when his staff had finally succeeded in making contact with Dotic executives, no small feat in itself, they were firmly rebuffed. Behind a veneer of polite unhelpfulness to be sure, but rebuffed nonetheless. Hiding behind petty technicalities, they had explained that the sites in question were somehow not in violation of any Ibixan law, nor any Dotix policy. Further, Ibixan and Krytenia data protection laws prohibited them from divulging the sort of report on user of the sites that High Minister Fedotenko had demanded. It was all quite enough to prove, as far as Yakovlev was concerned, that Ibixa was a wasteland of lawless demagogues, and would probably be best given back over to the deserts it was reclaimed from. Regardless, Fedotenko was unlikely to accept such difficulties as excuses for failure, both Yakovlev and Petrov had agreed, and Yakovlev would doubtless end up the scapegoat for the whole mess.

"I'll propose blocking all .ix domains in the Imperium as an escalation, showing them we mean business and so on, but I'll be shocked if that gets us anywhere," Yakovlev had been in a forthright mood by the latter stages, facilitated no doubt by the few vodka tonics he'd downed during the match. "Fedotenko won't give me anything to offer them though, I don't know how he expects me to make any progress."

"Perhaps he doesn't." It was a bold statement, but Yakovlev had seemed in a receptive state of mind.

"What are you suggesting?"

"I apologize Minister Yakovlev, I don't mean to suggest or insinuate. I merely seems to me that High Minister Fedotenko has appointed you an impossible task."

"Well on that much we agree."

Petrov smiled in acknowledgment before continuing. "Fedotenko is not a stupid man, I believe we can agree on that as well. Difficult, perhaps even abrasive, but not stupid. He knows the task that he has set for you is not one that is at all likely to be accomplished."

"He should. Sometimes I wonder."

"What you ought to wonder, if you'll permit me to advise you, is why he is set on this course of action. We know that he knows the task is practically impossible, so he cannot have assigned it to you in the hope that you will actually accomplish it. The only alternative, therefore, is that he expected, and intended you to fail. The question is, why?"

"From where I stand that's the easy part. Hell, more than half my staff are still loyal to him. He hardly lets me run my own damned ministry."

"Try as you might."

"You said it."

"If I may be so bold, perhaps High Minister Fedotenko would prefer a Foreign Minister who does not try quite so hard to 'run his own damned ministry' as you put it."

"That's what I've been thinking for months now, and telling myself not to be paranoid."

"I hardly think it paranoid. You simply must decide what to do about the situation."

"As if there's anything I can do about it. Fedotenko isn't going anywhere, and he holds all the cards."

"Not all of them, I think." Petrov had Yakovlev in the palm of his hand now. "Not everyone on the Council is enamored with the actions and demeanor of our esteemed High Minister. Some may even exceed your own antipathy for him."

"You have a plan to get rid of him?"

"I have? My dear Minister, I am but a messenger, reaching out to one who seems of like mind on behalf of those who would enact a change for the better."

"A change would definitely be for the better."

"Since you agree, I hope you'll agree to attend our next little soiree to meet some of the others."

"Wouldn't miss it."

[Tikariot]

OOC Disclaimer: Soundtrack (the song goes directly hand in hand with the into): Dead Crown - Before the Rain

A drum followed by ominous keyboards and some chant start out before a long bagpipe begins to play an elegiac melody. The darkness on the screen slowly lifts to show a pale full moon filtering through dense whisps of fog and the barren branches of trees which resemble bony fingers reaching for the darkened heavens. As the camera pans down from the moon, the flickering of flames takes over, illuminating the wafting fog. The words "He comes from the north, hears the sound of the silence" float over the atmospheric keyboards. A procession of four hooded figures is slowly moving along a narrow path through the forest, the first and last figure holding torches that reflecting off the fog almost make the trees around them seem alive with motion. In between them two more hooded figures are carrying an old, battered looking wooden chest. "He comes from the north, hears the sound of the silence, hears the calm before the storm" After they pass by the camera we see them heading towards a clearing in the forest where a large fire is burning, the loud crackling clearly audible even from the distance. As the small procession continues down the path towards the clearing, The Shadow's low voice moves over the sounds of the fire.

The Shadow: The days of reckoning are moving nigh, the moments where the fate of the nations will be decided. Each day some will be thrown into the depths of despair while others will rejoice and the rest will be suspended in the uncertain limbo of keeping their hopes alive, too much to die, yet not enough to live.

As the cameraman follows the procession, some details become more apparent in the background of the clearing, such as ten roughly hewn monoliths standing in a semi-circle, seven of which having flags of nations from Tikariot's group hanging off them. The hooded figures move around the fire and set the chest down in front of the Shadow and his raven-haired companion, both of whom are wearing the same hooded robes, but the black hair spilling out of the latter's hood indicating who she is. They lift the lid off the chest, revealing three rolled up bundles of fabric. She lifts out the first one and unrolls it, revealing the Tequiloan flag. She hands it over to one of the hooded figures that had brought the chest, who proceeds to hoist it up on one of the three remaining empty monoliths. This is repeated for the other two, them being the Vilitan and finally the Tikariotian flag.

The Shadow: 10 nations began the journey 13 match days ago. Yes, we have reached the number that for some reason evokes the strongest sense of superstition wherever you turn. The hopes of four of the nations' journeys already have entered the realms of darkness, swallowed by the harsh reality of failure.

He reaches down and pulls up four arrows, their tips wrapped in a rough fabric. He reaches forward and ignites the arrow tips in the large fire in front of him, the light of the flames dancing off the robes as well as the monoliths, yet unable to pierce the darkness underneath the hoods. He hands over the first one to his companion, who raises an ornately carved bow and notches the first arrow, which sails straight into the centre of the flag of Widaya, setting it ablaze. She repeats the same for the flags of State of Trinity, Balqia and Khytonya, which soon burn, the glow giving the fog wafting around them an ominous hue.

The Shadow: So then there were six, yet the top four are separated by a mere four points. There had been talks about a potential "group of death" within the qualifying campaign and while group eight has three teams level on points, this one adds a fourth to the fray at the very top for maximum tension and unpredictability. Hebitaka will likely join the four other fallen combatants in the eternal hunting grounds among the ashes of the WCQ87 once all is said and done and Zeta Reka, once counted as of the original five favourites of the group have all but fallen by the wayside as well.

So now, as they are so wont to say, the plot thickens. The closer we move to the final bell that shall toll once the hunt for glory, the battle for the king of the hill has ended, the more the 'pundits' and 'experts' are going to bring out their calculators, go through every perceivable scenario of "if they win here and draw there they can stay ahead of the others that have dropped points there, but could get ahead on the head to head, the goal difference, the goals for, the God knows what."

It is the classic "what if"-ism of society as a whole and we return to the core of what I have touched upon several times already. The almost compulsive obsession with trying to quantify everything under the sun. Look at them pull up the charts, listen to them philosophize about the possibilities and probabilities as if the battles were going to be fought on the table top instead of the pitch.

He points at the Tequiloan and Vilitan flags hanging right next to the Tikariotian cross, while tattered and charred pieces of the burning flags are slowly falling to the ground, leaving the monoliths as dark and foreboding as before.

The Shadow: Yet what the so-called 'experts' so conveniently forget is that they do not matter. They are mere sycophants to the producers that want to see their underlings to be the ones that had it all right. Their feeble attempts at making themselves sound more important than they are by being the ones to figure it all out, to be the ones who managed to alleviate the dread of the spectre of their nation's hopes' demise. No, this goes deeper. So very much deeper. When they are out there, player against player, all your player ratings and statistics are worth nothing. They will not win the ball, win the tackle, score the goals.

Tequilo, Vilita, Tikariot, Newmanistan. All four will face each other in one way or another over the next two match days, each moment in any of these games can tip the scales for any nation towards either fate, all predictions be damned, for words mean nothing...

He gives a short, mirthless laugh.

The Shadow: I already hear them say: 'words mean nothing', accusing me of hypocrisy of criticising them yet only delivering nothing but words myself. I will not be on the pitch, words are all I have, yet the difference is that I do not pretend to have the answers to the questions that cannot be answered. I do not pretend to have found the solution to a problem that cannot be solved.

In the distance a long bell can be heard tolling.

The Shadow: For whom shall the bell be tolling after these match days? Whose hopes will be the next to be buried on the merciless battlefields to be forgotten in time? Beware the Dark Tide for when it washes over you, it will take your hopes with it...

And with that blackness swallows the image, replaced by the Shadow's logo.

[Vilita]

Revenge and Domination as Jungle Cats Find Form under Aquafek

Marine World Park, Crosaibi, Vilita :: After dropping to an overall record of 5-5 after ten games of qualifying - just one game under the leadership of long time Turoki Tide and Vilita National Team midfielder Cavuna Aquafek, the Jungle Cat fanbase was understandably nervous. The matches they had won thus far had looked decidedly not impressive. The matches they didn't win were, well, not wins. As the top seed in a World Cup Qualifying group, the occasional dropped points are expected. Failing to win half of your matches, however, is not.

If the Vilitan National Team were going to turn things around under Cavuna Aquafek, however, Matchday's 12 and 13 were the days to do it. First, the Jungle Cats would entertain Hebitaka at the Marine World Park in Crosaibi, home to the historic Vilitan League side Marine Coast United. After that match, they would head over to Widaya to face off against the only team they managed to score five goals against in the first half of World Cup Qualifying.

The opportunity being presented was too good to pass up. Because of that, Aquafek knew that if they were unable to secure six points over the two matches, their days as Vilita National Team manager could be over before they ever really got going.

The match against Hebitaka was an important one for the entire Jungle Cats team. It was the embarrassing 0-0 result in Hebitaka during the first half of World Cup 87 Qualifying that turned an unfortunate fixture list at the start of Qualifying into a cursed upset of an opening to the Jungle Cats Campaign. Dropping points to the 289th ranked side in the world, even on the road, was not something that was offered a high degree of tolerance in the Vilitan Cove. The only thing that could potentially begin to make up for it would be... revenge.

Aquafek used familiarity to find the spark on the pitch against Hebiitaka, much like the spark's they would find when paired up with Turoki Tide midfielder teammate Poloax Torerun. In this case, however, it was a pair of Eastal Lunar players - Limu Katarakhna and Nii'arala Milaaso. No longer just the up and coming newcomers of the Vilitan National Team, Milaaso and Katarakhna had established themselves as stars of the team and rose to match these titles when they each got on the scoresheet under 30 minutes into the match.

While the two goals from Katarakhna and Milaaso would ultimately be the only ones scored on the day, it was more than enough for the Jungle Cats to take 3 points and some pride out of Corsaibi and the satisfaction of having made amends for their earlier mistake.

 Vilita [2] - [0] Hebitaka
				
	GOALS:	Vilita 	:: 10' Limu Katarakhna:: 29' Nii'arala Milaaso             		
	STATS:	Vilita 	:: Possession: 60%:: Shots: 5:: Corners: 9	Hebitaka 	:: Possession: 40%:: Shots: 1:: Corners: 1
	Lineup:	[GK] Mako Canopii, [D.] Jirak Trikala, [D.] Rojara Tiones, [D.] Inteali Koranjo, [ML]  Kudii Davasarii, [MC]  Polaox Torerun, [MC] Cywrenta Vlintejni, [MC]  Limu Katarakhna, [MR]  Lentali Purama, [FC] Nii'arala Milaaso, [FC] Enzoril Alabonni			
	Bench:	[FC] Fishtii Blikala, [FC] Berali Tzufarei, [M] Intikko Kuhilana, [M] Jyuola Mtalata, [U ] Jurzen Devmiko, [D] Lohani Riiyaaw, [GK] Striitca Virahat

The the momentum and energy from the important victory over Hebitaka, the Jungle Cats team shuffled off to Widaya where they would take on the only un-ranked team in Group 17 and a side that Vilita had defeated by a 5-2 scoreline in the first half of qualification.

As they had done for nearly every match in change of the Vilitan National Team, Cavuna Aquafek stuck with #1 goalkeeper Mako Canopii of the Yeaddin Owls. It was the third consecutive start for Canopii and ninth of the campaign - a rarity for Vilitan netminders who usually battle some heavy rotations during the World Cup Qualifiers to help the coaching staff assess whether each player was performing at the same level they had been assessed at in order to aid selection for post World Cup Qualifying competition.

Once again Mii'arala Milaaso was on the board this time scoring in the 19th minute though ultimately it would prove that Tenziki Kulakao's 24th minute goal would be the difference in the match. The Jungle Cats appeared to be cruising to a comfortable 4-2 victory when late optimistic shot attempts were made by Lohani Riiyaaw and Lentali Purama. Both players converted their unexpected strikes to open the Jungle Cats advantage to four goals in the match. The results, along with minor setbacks for both Tikariot and Newmanistan, would leave the Group 17 table in a wide open mess that Aquafek and the Jungle Cats would have to contend with for the remainder of World Cup Qualifying. Of course, while the Jungle Cats may have two consecutive home matches coming up there is some optimizing building, but the importance of the Matchday 15 fixture with Group 17 leaders Tikariot is sure to be a thrilling match with only one satisfied outcome.

 Vilita [6] - [2] Widaya 
				
	GOALS:	Vilita 	:: 14' Inbekira Ajhabekk:: 19' Nii'arala Milaaso:: 24' Tenziki Kulakao:: 68' Sipke Tarala:: 85' Lohani Riiyaaw:: 89' Lentali Purama         		
	STATS:	Vilita 	:: Possession: 66%:: Shots: 11:: Corners: 22	Widaya  	:: Possession: 34%:: Shots: 7:: Corners: 16
	Lineup:	[GK] Mako Canopii, [D.] Jirak Trikala, [D.] Lohani Riiyaaw, [D.] Inbekira Ajhabekk, [ML]  Kudii Davasarii, [MC]  Polaox Torerun, [MC] Cywrenta Vlintejni, [MC]  Intikko Kuhilana, [MR]  Jurzen Devmiko, [FC] Nii'arala Milaaso, [FC] Tenziki Kulakao			
	Bench:	[FC] Fishtii Blikala, [FC] Sipke Tarala, [M] Lentali Purama, [M] Jyuola Mtalata, [U ] Linvoi Warazil, [D] Rojara Tiones, [GK] Vernasa Sanamun

[Ko-oren]

As an addition to 'Season 34: What's next for our clubs?', here is the map of Ko-oren's top 26 clubs (Top League, Second Division, clubs recently relegated from the Second Division).

[Jeruselem]

Naked News Jeruselem's Akai Hanto with Jeruselem manager Pekora Dancer in The Belacian States ...

Peko: Hey, you're wearing clothes.
Akai: Well, I can't be naked round here in The Belacian States.
Peko: Oh yes, we're not at home. Wearing underwear?
Akai: Yes, just in case there's laws against not doing that round here.
Peko: Wonder how our Kate-San gets away with this stuff
Akai: You know her better than me, she's a charmer.

Peko: I don't think we're going to qualify, after that loss to Stevidia at home.
Akai: Well they did beat Banija, and they did score 3 goals against New Lusitania and the Algarves although they lost
Peko: The good news is we are 4th and well ... that's the highest spot we've been in this qualification recently.
Akai: Still, we aren't going to catch Banija.
Peko: No, they'll win this group for sure.
Akai: Actually only 7 points between us and New Lusitania and just 4 between us and Saltstead

Peko: But 7 points is over two wins, and 4 points is over 1 win. We need them to start losing.
Akai: 3 teams eliminated, and another 3 kinda nearly there.
Peko: We're just ahead of them, I can't afford lose anymore games. And we still have last two games against Banija and Thibaea, although Thibaea should be eliminated by then
Akai: It's a good thing Vangaziland lost their last two games.
Peko: Yes they were looking dangerous at that stage.
Akai: Well New Lusitania should finish 2nd but we have to overcome Saltstead

Peko: They have the same losses 4, but you know like 8 wins compared to our 6. Those draws have hurt has again.
Akai: A few too many home losses
Peko: Most to the better teams, Stevidia was strange one but they beat the leader once.
Akai: So you're aiming to take 3rd spot
Peko: New Lusitania and the Algarves are going to qualify. I doubt they will drop below 3rd.
Akai: No doubt

Peko: Hopefully our goal difference can get us across the line over Saltstead. Well we can hope New Lusitania drop enough points for us but that's just wishful thinking. I think we'll fall short in reality.
Akai: They do have the best defense of the entire group 13
Peko: Without the offensive ability off Banija, 45 goals ... sheesh
Akai: Only 15 goals, they really defensive.
Peko: We've tried that, Jeruselem are really bad at defensive.
Akai: Oh yes, we don't score enough goals to win if we do that.

Peko: You having a shitposting contest with Kate-San?
Akai: Why is that?
Peko: Just asking
Akai: No, I just behave like this naturally
Peko: So you're an attention whore
Akai: Yeah, Kate-San is a true attention whore ... as well as being a whore.

Peko: Only when she's drunk
Akai: Good thing she doesn't do that often
Peko: She's got kids now, I guess she's got less time to party.
Akai: I'm flat out at the moment too
Peko: Not that I have a lot of spare time either
Akai: At least we're earning our money, maybe not me but anyway.

Peko: You get paid to troll people
Akai: Great isn't it
Peko: Wish my job was that easy, but ... anyway.
Akai: I don't want your job
Peko: You can't blame someone else for your fuckups although you actually don't have much control what goes on during the game
Akai: Really?

Peko: Yes you choose the players who go on the field but what they do on the day isn't under your control. Then you got weather, away travel, localised events.
Akai: I see
Peko: It's not a computer game
Akai: These away games must a headache
Peko: Dealing with foreign officials in another country, that's if you can communicate with them in the first place.
Akai: And then money.

Peko: Yeah, everyone has their own currency. Thank the Gods for crypto currencies.
Akai: I love my bitcoins
Peko: I could do with some of that
Akai: Ask Kate-San
Peko: I should
Akai: She gets paid well for flashing her bits on TV.

Peko: It's easy for people with no shame ... eh like you
Akai: I'm not as quite as shameless as her actually
Peko: She's just like that, genes.
Akai: I had to learn to be shameless, wasn't like this before.
Peko: So not a natural ho
Akai: No, nowhere near that.

[Independent Athletes from Quebec]

OOC: I would like to thank Tequilo for the use of Isabel Jurado, one of three submissions I had received back in WC85 about a class of internationally-renowned scholars from across the Multiverse.

I Run To You

PART 7 (47) - Rise

Thus began Asher's summer. It was true that our protagonist, whom I should warn you to start having more pity and sympathy from this moment moving forward, was hanging by the tightrope- less bottles were lying on the ground and more sheets of paper were lying around in his room, and all just felt like the weird state of relationship between Asher and Eileen, where they had both not gotten over the past-life traumas but were unable to let go of each other, the most effective method possible.

Gradually the month of June passed. Asher's landlady had long given up on wondering about his tenant's mental status, just understanding the situation as a price she had to pay for normalising this kind of behaviour as a life-long Capitolien. His work patterns of sleeping like a workaholic, drink like a Barbarian and emerge like sterotypical notion of a cinematic vampire subsisted. His novel, a work of the Quebecois-Novopetrogradian emigre family whose adventures bring them to Nyhavn, then to Lac-Drouin, and eventually in a small Quebecois country town where they taste the Grapes of Wrath, was still a work in progress.

Still, promising signs existed on the moments unexpected for him either way, as a literary agent, who demonstrated major interest in the Capitolien writer's literary future and wanted an abridged short story of his childhood to send to a magazine. Asher was able to find a couple of waterholes to enjoy a pint or two of beer in his neighbourhood, and the tales exchanged from there began to feed him with folkloric ideas. Once outside, the streets of Odeon-Southwest, the neighbourhood he seldom visited when a keen undergraduate at the dawn of his twenties, welcomed him with its buskers and he came to reminisce about the fin-de-siecle…

---

'Thank you for coming today, Asher. How have you been feeling since last time we talked back in June?' Dr. Nam Chang-Geun asked, the chief psychiatrist at the nearby clinic writing down his notes for their third appointment. 'I assume you were there for the World Cup coverage?'

'Fortunately, another senior correspondent went to Newmanistan on my behalf.' Asher smiled, not the slightest sense of emotion detected in his response. In all honesty, that was his choice not to travel to the Grim Reapers’ first world cup group stage in eighteen years, an effort that while ended up in unfortunate nil point, was still a joyful one for many. ‘But I was happy about it.’

The same joyful feeling, of course, was not why Asher was here. Asher knew, right from the moment he was locked out of Eileen’s Montreal flat, that he had to seek help. So he did and the results were starting to come around in his third appointment. If we have to be honest, he found these sessions helpful in understanding the mistakes of his college days, when he had felt as if he held the keys to every chest in the Multiverse.

While he was not familiar in explaining his own achievements, Asher was also very much self-aware with his limitations and knew there would be no loss attributed to him for talking much about his mistakes. Being a Lundrigan, one of many civil children of the long lineage of Naval officers and generals, Asher was drilled from an early age to owe up to his decisions, and so far stayed faithful to it.

That may have been why the appointments with Dr. Nam, a twenty-seven year veteran in his practice just down the corner from his small universe of writing pods and pads, may have been going well. The appointments went very slowly, with him describing his childhood and current occupation as sports and arts journalist, but the stakes gradually increased as Asher began recalling his earliest months of his first relationship with Eileen. Both Dr. Nam, who had heard of Plongeon the artist but not much else, and Asher had genuinely enjoyed these chats, and knew the next series of chats were going to be the important ones they especially had to go through, in order for the medical professional to offer proper closure for the writing professional.

‘That’s good, Ash.’ Dr. Nam smiled, giving the younger man a slight nod to suggest approval at his lack of worry over what would have been viewed by others as a snub. ‘I see what you mean. Have things improved with Mille. de Ramaut since last time we had an appointment?’

Asher closed his eyes, counted from one to three, and then opened his eyes again in hopes that a coherent answer would come to his head. ‘I think so, though everything still feels like a field filled with endless landmines. She’s still beautiful as always, and I do not know how I was so...’ Asher then tried to figure out the right word, before picking one that best described his past self that sometimes would creep up in his behaviour to this day. ‘..childish, when I wake up in those mornings.’

‘I see, Ash. Well please understand that you are next expected to share something you don’t want to.’ Dr. Nam grinned, giving him an invisible nudge. ‘So for today, you said that you wanted to talk about how you were able to escape Caraqueno jail. As we expect from our appointments, absolute confidentiality will be ensured, so please do not rush with how you want to explain it.’ Dr. Nam, while a man of sciences, knew the unpredictability of the human mind at times, and Asher knew he was able to tell his stories without being viewed as an insane man or even worse, a QAnoner.

After thinking about it for three seconds, Asher closed his eyes and slowly narrated what he was going to say. ‘Well, I was lucky, for as it turned out I wasn’t the only one there.’ He rubbed his eyes with his hands, to ease their tension, much to the psychiatrist’s amusement. ‘On the fifth day of the Pit, came to me a loosely cloaked woman, who had naturally assumed to be not a prisoner, because the way she dressed and moved around...and how she went beyond the rooms...seemed to suggest something.’

‘Oh?’ Dr. Nam lifted his eyebrows in a measure of heightened interest. ‘That’s good. Was it a Shaman, and of what cultural background- an indigenous medicine man, a Mayan priest, or a Tequilian?’

‘A Tequilian by birth and blood, but with shades of Tamarindia and Wight in her blood...’ He muttered. ‘When I asked her what her name was, she only said Isabel, without a surname. She said she was running her experiments among the prisoners, to see how the confusiónist modelling in fluid time calculus would fly among the veterans of human suffering. She said the decisions made by those imprisoned under the five decades of civil war, while often beyond her control, were why the self-proclaimed Lady Luck was here..’ Asher refocused his loose gaze, now googly and starry-eyed with the shooting stars hitting Asher with the lightning. ‘So Isabel said she liked me and that she speaks directly with Búa, whom she wanted me to travel with to see the alternative realities to our decisions of very moment...and become her companion, a travelling partner, a mysterious lover, however you may put it.’

‘And what did you say to her?’ Dr. Nam asked.

‘But I told her that all I am is a poor voyageur who was kidnapped from my colleagues when we visited the beaches of Astello, San Ortelio, for our March Break trip...and that all I wanted was to escape this seemingly-impenetrable jail.’ He started feeling the shiver, still dizzy from the thoughts this underground prison had brought on him. ‘I knew nobody had any idea, since they assumed I was on one of the deserted islands just for a few days in the wilderness, almost a Byronic recollection of paysage..and then she agreed, telling me my wish was in her command, and then just told me to climb without a rope like a warrior.’

Dr. Nam was noticing an odd glow in Asher’s eyes, drinking a cup of leftover coffee from his seven a.m. breakfast spent at this very desk. He knew this was going to be an important moment that the psychiatrist could not miss out, regardless of whatever the outcome may have been. It’s like the screening of a movie you have long heard of its ending, but you wanted to go back and watch it anyway because you wanted to know how it happened. ‘Go on...Go on…’ was all he’s saying, giving the gesture to that of a philharmonic maestro.

‘She told me that fear is nothing here, and that climbing the walls without a rope is how to bring that feeling back, and bring the normalcy to that lucky mortal in this pit of doom.’ Asher responded, his tone of voice changing to a bass, as opposed to the usual baritone-pitch he carried under conversation. ‘And she was right.’

Dr. Nam nodded without saying anything, which had meant that it was Asher who had to go on.

‘And so I did...and I did and I did...took me several tries, as my limbs and fingers started feeling numb. But Isabel told me not to give up, and after several trials...the plan had worked. as small instant changes, from finding the right lock to break for one prison cell to getting the ex-countertenor to sing a freedom chant..which rang across the hollow, hallowed pit, as I climbed its scaled walls, the cursed asymmetry of stones...and then got out.’

‘And is that it?’ Dr. Nam asked, grinning and twisting her limbs to suggest that their time had come up. ‘But what happened after?’

‘And that’s where everything started to go wrong, when Isabel appeared to me just outside the pit, a little bit transparent or hollow from her travels, and we went back to San Ortelio…’

---

....After work or such appointments, Asher went back into the streets, and recalled the list of names he had to research for his pieces with The Taegukgi, before giving up. There once was a time when our wanderer, long familiar to the plane rides, used to come up with dozens of scouting reports for his subjects. But now, having gone through enough simulations in his dreams and also the chess table of his fictions, those names of the industry Asher started to forget and confuse, with no desire to spend further work beyond what’s required to conjure up his magic into the sports or musical sketches.

If it were another professional with just as much ability but less pedigree, or more experience but less ability, said person have been a goner for taking such liberties. But this is Asher Lundrigan, also widely known as the most prominent sports and arts&culture journalist under the age of 40, and he knew he could afford being lucky in such departments though. So did The Taegukgi, whose policies towards its staff writers usually stayed lot stricter, and they decided to stay quiet in order to keep their man, for as long as possible.

In the afternoon, just after leaving his office at two in the afternoon, Asher would find himself blasted to the blisters of sunlight, as the fresh produce trucks would play out the familiar Trot tunes. Children, especially during the weekends, would sometimes dance and play with their childhood friends, whose memories would continue well into their adulthood and beyond, fitting the essence of a rare experience in being a lifelong Capitolien.

Then, after a short walk, he would find himself reading a book, or writing the book mentioned earlier, with a pair of sunglasses covering his eyesight. Surrounded by the fresh flowers and the young trees carefully maintained, the hours would sometimes be confused for years if not decades, and if you aren't being careful, you'd often end up like Asher, who has a habit of confusing a baby peach tree to that of a Metasequoia Glyptostroboides he remembered climbing as an eleven year old travelling out west coast.

By five in the evening, the lilac scent of the rosy glasses were replaced by the smell of gooseberry pie. It would have been nice for Asher if there were white nights and he could never leave this place, but it was time for him to go home. There, the civilised man’s cultivated senses would be replaced by his primary desires, as Asher and Eileen would kiss passionately for several, blissful hours, before the gigantic bee quietly folded himself inside the delicate flower.

[Mapletish]

The Sour Kind
"I only know one thing, that is I know nothing"

Commentaries| Timothy Jozua

Coming off a 2-1 defeat to Al Qurija away in matchday 8, the Dragons were in contention with Siovanija & Teusland in the next matchday, which turned out to be a 0-0 for both sides. The Dragons then went into the mid-qualification break at 6th place with a 3-3-3 record after 9 games, collecting 12 points, scoring seven and conceding seven goals as the least offensively successful and the most defensively successful in the whole of Group 19. The team next on defensive prowess were Savigliane, who the Dragons found difficulty in, playing against, losing to them 3-0 at home in matchday 6.

The Dragons would force a great start to the second half of the qualification rounds with a 0-0 draw at home to Natanians and Nosts, the same team that the Dragons lost to in a replay of the first match day of the qualifying campaign. Although not the most impressive, it was great work for the young players who had previously been overwhelmed by the the more experienced Natanians and Nosts side previously. This encounter despite being goalless, saw more composure from the players. Skipper Job Bobbie remarked how the team seemed less stifled and rigid than previously, winning some support from the Fireykop.

The Dragons would move on to the face Eura, their regional rivals in an Unofficial Belt Match for the Unofficial World Championships. Having previously drawn the Eurans back at Rosfield, the Dragons were confident in getting at least a point from the encounter, but were stopped short by the Eurans in their home ground. Rowland was the sole goal scorer for the Eurans via a header from the right corner in the 57th minute after an excellent delivery from Henry Patterson sealed the encounter for the two Rushmori counterparts. Floris expressed his delight at the close result considering how much more dominant their opponent was and being able to concede just one goal saw how solid the defence had been.

In matchday 12, the Dragons drew Pemecutan at home 0-0 in an excellent display of possession play. Getting ahead from the tussling and tugging of the Pemecutan players, the Maplish side held on. Meade remarked in the post match conference, "I am delighted by the way we had defended in the match. Despite the heavily physical play from the Pemecutan side, we were able to hold our own and being able to hold them to a single point was something that we have worked hard for. I am thankful for all our supporters who have supported us from the furthest ends of the world to Rosfield and surviving through the cold, dancing through the heat with all of us. Whether or not, we end this qualification campaign with a Cup of Harmony invitation or not, we are delighted to be able to play our best in front of the Fireykop who have done their very best in supporting us."

Matchday 13 saw the Dragons beat Kohnhead 1-0, to seal a 0 goal difference and a well deserved three points to keep their hopes of finishing, as high up in the group as possible, alive. With an updated record of 4-5-4, the Dragons sit on a 8 goals scored and 8 goals conceded record, one of the lowest number of goals scored and conceded out of all the World Cup qualifying campaigns that the Dragons have partaken in over the course of its history. The Dragons sit at the 6th position with 17 points, but can go as high up as 4th place if they are able to maintain some kind of consistency and form in taking on three points.

The Dragons face United Pink States at home in a take or take three points encounter, followed by a visit to Savigliane, a difficult opponent to play against.

[Ibixa]

OOC: A little flavour to season Squornshelous' fine RP arc.

Official Statement From Dotix Management
Re: Service Interruption In Imperial Squornshelous

We at Dotix are disappointed and appalled at the actions of the Imperial Government of Squornshelous to block the entirety of the .ix domain tree in their nation.

Representatives from the Imperial Government contacted our offices some time ago, reporting websites hosted on the domain that, in their opinion, were breaching international law by encouraging terrorism.

After an internal investigation, and discussions with both our own legal teams and the Ibixan Department for Media and Technology, we have concluded that although the sites in question do carry material critical of the Imperial Government of Squornshelous and advocate a change in regime and leadership philosophy, they do not break Ibixan, Krytenian, or international law in doing so. For this selfsame reason, we have refused the Imperial Government's request to pull down the site.

We at Dotix value the privacy of our users, and will defend that privacy for all users abiding to the terms and conditions for hosting a .ix website. As the sites in question do so, we have also refused the Imperial Government of Squornshelous' request for the identities of the webmasters of these sites, as this is not considered an acceptable exception under the Personal Information Security Act (PISA).

As this is clearly a tense situation, we will continue to monitor the situation, and will remove the sites from circulation should they advocate the use of violence or terrorism to further their mission statement. In the meantime, those in Imperial Squornshelous wishing to visit popular sites on the .ix domain, such as RougeTube.ix or TrackM.ix, can still do so via a Virtual Private Network. Details of how to set a VPN up, and recommendations of a variety of sponsored partner companies, are available at http://www.dotix.kt/vpn.

We hope that the Imperial Government of Squornshelous reconsider their actions, so that we may once again provide an uninterrupted service of fine content to the Squornshelan people.



Carles Colau
Managing Director, Dotix SL

[Saint-Domingues]

Sharktail 1-0 Saint-Dominge: Late goal as Avengers lose in Kota Lama
HT 0-0

---

Substitue Win Aziz nabbed a goal just two minutes from time to win the game for Sharktail a deal a striking blow to Saint-Domingue's playoff hopes.

In a game light on chances, Aziz's shot towards the end of the match took a deflection off of Kevin Le Guen and out of the reach of Jules Binet to give Sharktail all three points.

Julien Babesco had a shot on the turn well saved by Zeehad Yusof in the first-half, and Josep Carpeña fired narrowly over from a free-kick. Jaclin forced Binet into a save but there was little else to write home about before Aziz came off the bench and struck the match-winner for the Blue Predator.

Losing so late will be a bitter pill to swallow for Canisbro and his team, who have faltered in the play-off race and are now ahead of Abanhfleft only on goal difference. Abanhfleft dismantled Koniglich Wasserstein 6-2 in a very impressive performance, and the 5 goal swing has also left the Fleftics breathing down Dominguan necks on that front. On the positive side Saint-Domingue remain three points ahead of Netop and Zwangzug, who played out a 2-2 draw at Foster Park.

Saint-Domingue head coach Camilo Canisbro: "The goal towards the end feels like a real kick in the teeth for the boys. It's harsh to lose towards the end, we have managed to pop up with late goals now and then like the one against Abanhfleft, but this is the first time we are really on the receiving end of it. I don't think we deserved to lose, the chances were even. On another day this would be another away game with three points, but there was a mix of not taking your chances and good saves by the goalkeeper. Sharktail took advantage of one courtesy of a little deflection and there we have it. It's difficult to take but we will try and turn things around in the home game against Ancherion."

On criticism that his substitutions in the match were overly-negative: "I reject that completely. The changes were made because I thought they would give us the best chance of winning the match. I brought on Adama Keller because we were losing the midfield battle, the double pivot is not inherently defensive. It freed the forwards of their defensive responsibilities and helped us stretch Sharktail's defence. It was not a defensive substitution, I think that is total nonsense."

---

Lineups:
Binet
Cotilla
Boleyn
Le Guen
Pareja <- Ahearn 80'
Campos
Sanabria <- Delannoy 90'
Carpeña
Palacio
Babesco
Gimenez <- Keller 71'

Sharktail: Aziz (88')
Saint-Domingue: N/A
Venue: Stadium Biru, Kota Lama

Saint-Domingue 0-0 Ancherion: Is goalless draw point gained or two dropped?
HT 0-0

---

Saint-Domingue failed to win again as they were held to a goalless draw at home to Ancherion.

Clyde Zenin was in excellent form as the thirty-one-year-old pulled off a whole host of saves to keep his team in the game. He pushed a Julien Babesco shot onto the post, had to dive low to halt Diego Palacio's efforts and made an acrobatic fingertip save to push away a drive from Josep Carpeña. In the second-half he denied Carpeña again, just about holding a long-range free-kick and stopped Alfredo Cotilla from scoring from a corner.

Whether the result is a handy point gained against a tough rival from pot 4, or a sign of a Saint-Domingue qualification campaign that is now running out of steam is yet to be seen. Saint-Domingue have maintained their 5-point buffer over a qualification rival much higher than them in the rankings, and also still hold a 3-point advantage over Zwangzug, but have now fallen two points behind Abanhfleft. The Fleftics have taken all 6 points from the most recently double-header in comparison to the Avengers' one.

Saint-Domingue head coach Camilo Canisbro: "In terms of the performance, this was a good reaction to the loss in Kota Lama. Our defence was solid again and the attack had more fluidity. I think Ancherion should be very grateful to Zenin for saving their skins. On another day we would have gotten the breakthrough, but he was in top form. Some might call this two points dropped or say we missed out on a win, but to expect us to constantly beat this kind of opposition is unrealistic and harsh on my players. Ancherion are a good team, they were seeded high in [pot] four. But we bossed them on the pitch, we created all the chance and if there was going to be a winner in this game it was without a doubt us."

---

Lineups:
Binet
Cotilla
Boleyn <- Jeune 86'
Le Guen
Pareja
Campos <- Charbonneau 72'
Sanabria <- Delannoy 80'
Carpeña
Palacio
Babesco
Gimenez

Saint-Domingue: N/A
Ancherion: N/A
Venue: St Dominic's Park

[Pluvia and the Saxean Isles]

Royal Marienburg University, Marienburg, Pluvia and the Saxean Isles

Prof. Charles Cunningham of the history department at the Royal Marienburg University was drooling. What? No he wasn't! He'd only put his head down for a moment, a brief rest, that's all. Certainly not long enough to really fall asleep, and drooling was certainly out of the question. He glanced at his watch. Damn! Almost time for his first class, and he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday. Oh well, nothing for it. They only met two days a week, so they hadn't seen what he was wearing yesterday anyway. Perhaps there was time for one more diary entry before he needed to be in class...

The last diary entry saw William II's first meeting with the Praesidium. It did not go well. William II had scathing words for the nobles that made up the council, pronouncing them "windbags" and their words "devoid of anything resembling sense". Almost to a man they opposed his plans for modernisation and liberalisation of their society. But he made up his mind to meet with them individually before attempting to replace them. The next meeting for William II was the Magisterium, where his ideas about reform would likely be challenged again.

January 19, 1885

The Magisterium are almost as insufferable as the Praesidium. Thankfully, they speak less, preferring to cultivate an aura of mystery and wisdom, as befits men of God. But they are nonetheless insufferable. Although the Magisterium consists of all the bishops and theologians of the Catholic Church in Pluvia, most of these men play little role in it. I shall endeavor to mention only those who have influence in the Magisterium, the sanctum sanctorum, as it were, of the body.

The most powerful individual in the Magisterium is the Archbishop of Marienburg. He is the paramount authority of the Catholic Church in Pluvia and the man I must either undermine or bring into agreement. His word is law for the many believing Catholics of our realm, though it remains to be seen who they will listen to when it is the church and the state at war.

The Bishop of Alenard is the right-hand man of the Archbishop. As the head of the second-most important diocese in the realm, one might expect a certain rivalry between him and the Archbishop. Not so. He owes his good fortune as Bishop to the influence of the Archbishop. He is an able man, but loyalty is his pre-eminent quality.

The Bishop of the Saxean Isles was also in attendance. Perhaps only one in four or five resident of the Isles are Catholic, and these mostly Pluvians, but that only makes him more zealous. Surrounded by his perceived enemies, his remarks always have a tinge of paranoia.

Father Dr. Lindauer, the head of the theology department at the Royal Marienburg University. He teaches the foundational course that is required for all first-year university students. I remember him as a harsh taskmaster, but a fair instructor. If I am to reform the education system of my realm, he will be a key player.

The Papal Nuncio also insisted on attending this meeting, as he is entitled to, but rarely does. My father always had good relations with the Holy See, but I expect I shall have poorer ones.

I first brought up the need for religious freedom in the country. It is true that the Saxean Isles are mostly Protestant, but Pluvia itself is overwhelmingly Catholic, due in no small part to the efforts of the Catholic Church and previous monarchs to discourage the spread of Protestantism. I ventured to say that the Protestant Church might have been repressed at certain points in our nation's history, but that I hoped we could agree on a free competition of ideas rather than rigidly forcing Catholicism on our people. The Papal Nuncio said nothing, but busied himself writing. The Bishop of the Saxean Isles informed that he saw my statement as a personal affront against his ministry, while Father Dr. Lindauer said that I was making a mockery of our system of education. I took this as an opportunity to mention the need for better education, perhaps an expansion of the curriculum for the ordinary student, but the Bishop of Alenard dismissed this, saying that learning to read and write from the Holy Scriptures was sufficient for most students.

I swallowed hard at this point and brought up the Protestant tax. I mentioned how many in the Saxean Isles despised it, and that the tax itself impoverished people and discouraged the ideal of religious freedom I was trying to promote. The Papal Nuncio resumed his furious scribbling, while the Bishops and the Father Dr.'s eyes widened. They began to jabber, but the Archbishop overruled them. He said that I was yet a young ruler, and perhaps I was not aware of all of the reasons behind the decisions made by my father, and his father before him, and so on. He then delivered a condescending lecture about the role of the Pluvian ruler as defender of the Catholic faith, how the scourge of Protestantism encouraged disloyalty not only to the Holy Church, but also to the king, and the slippery slope of removing barriers to non-Catholic worship. This would encourage disloyalty, sow distrust among the faithful, dismay the clergy, and soon we would see a return to paganism and anarchy. No, far better to encourage order, unity, and the True Faith. That was the bulwark of Pluvia.

He then abruptly ended the meeting and was deep in discussion with the Papal Nuncio as they left the room. It appears the Magisterium will be no different than the Praesidium. My work seems impossible, yet I cannot abandon it.

[Cassadaigua]

As the qualifying world turns,
By Chelsea Dufresne, Concord Heights Times

Thirteen games of World Cup qualifying are complete, and up to this point, Cassadaigua has performed well as they lead the group with an 11-2-0 record. That’s 35 points and a four point advantage over a nation we fully respect, which is TJUN-ia. Since the halfway point, we have seen the Fillies and the Jags begin to clear the rest of the opposition in the group. Busoga Islands is the third place team, but their 24 points sees them seven points behind TJUN-ia, so it is desperation time there. Acronius trails the Jaguars by eight, and Flavovespia is shaking their heads at how their campaign has gone, as they are ten points out of the second position. Others in the group will get a gold star for their participation and will be looking to play the role of spoiler. I could make this article about the “T” nation we respect, and the “T” nation we do not, so let’s make that a theme.

At the Dagan Airways Stadium in Concord Heights, we will be welcoming David Seems and his team from the large region of The North Pacific. Since Tiffany Nelson shut them out in TJUN-ia City, this team has been playing great, making you wonder why they give themselves the nickname the Draw Masters. That was old TJUN-ia. The new TJUN-ia has figured out how to turn draws into wins, and has not lost since that game against us, going 7-1-0. That is what has enabled them to put some daylight between the rest of the group and stay on our heels. Heck, if they pick up a win against us, then this group would get very interesting down the stretch, wouldn’t it? One thing that David Seems knows is that if his team takes care of business against everyone else in the group, and still finishes second to us, that they would be on a great track to pick up one of those automatic second place transfer spots. This is a nation that Cassadagans otherwise root for, starting with getting familiar with their nation on the baseball diamond, and the gridiron field, and of course, the race track. In everything, they have found a way to build up their national program to become more and more successful, and they are on the verge of great things. During the World Baseball Classic 50 playoffs in Cassadaigua, they had a stellar run, making it all the way to the semifinals. If they were in any other group, most Cassadagans would be rooting for them to qualify for the World Cup. In our group, we hope that they still, but will need to take the longer road to get there. Stephanie Sweeney said of the Jaguars, “They have a great program in TJUN-ia. You don’t get many great sporting nations from The North Pacific, so it is good to see that they are indeed one of them and have shown their versatility in sports across many different venues. They play hard but don’t play cheap. I am obviously not going to get into specifics about my game planning, but what I see from them you have to game plan against them as you would any World Cup caliber nation. They would be a great addition to the World Cup, and are a great test for us right now.”

Other athletes on the team also say that they are very familiar and respectful of the TJUN-ia side, and that includes Meghan Wolcott, who was a finalist in the V & T Racer Pick ‘em contest. Wolcott knows her NSSCRA therefore, and she says that carried on to the nation, “I think we learned some things about TJUN-ia as a sporting nation and some of the fun things you can do there pretty well from NSSCRA. I still get a chuckle when I read about the antics that happened at the very first ‘After Party’. Then that classic World Bowl ending. Recently, they advanced in baseball, so they are on the same track in the World Cup. I think their fans deserve it but make absolutely no mistake, we will root for them to do so from the second position.”

Wolcott is coming off a couple of strong games after being held off the scoresheet in the two games prior. She was effective in those games, but some like Meghan is looking to get on the scoresheet and Muralos was the poor team in the way. Wolcott scored four goals in the match, coming in the 14th, 26th, 55th, and 62nd minutes in what was a 7-1 Cassadaigua rout. Other goals were tallied by Morgan Rosenblatt (19th), Rachel Schanke (44th), and Preston Newfield (77th). It was the first time in a while that any Cassadagan scored four goals in a match, and Rachel Schanke certainly noticed. “Meghan was in the zone. Every once in awhile, you can get like that as an athlete, and she was on a roll there.” Against Havynwilde, Wolcott scored again, coming in the 40th minute, which was the Fillies second goal of the match. Cassadaigua, in this game, got goals from Rosenblatt (24th) and Brooke Sutter (59th).

Well, you will remember that in the opening, I talked about the “T” nation that we disrespect, and that would be Tequilo. We haven’t had to talk about Tequilo all that much because quite frankly, there has been no reason too, because it is not like they are a great sporting nation like TJUN-ia and capable of showing their skills in multiple sports. We have not played them since that fateful day in the Under-18 World Cup where Jair Iscla’s savage and unnecessary to the game (was not a play for the ball) tackle of Steffie Garrett left Steffie with a serious concussion and ruined the trajectory of her career path. We have not played them since that game where they failed to apologize or show any remorse for Steffie’s injury. We have not played them since that game that they, in a most shameful manner, continue to claim that Steffie’s injury was self inflicted that anyone who is not blind can clearly see that Iscla is fully responsible for Steffie’s actions. Garrett’s parents suggested that they might sue Iscla and the whatever Tequilo’s football association calls itself because they even referenced that as two different things back then, but they have not followed through with citing that the case was logistically too difficult to pursue. If Steffie’s career trajectory continued as projected, she would certainly be on our qualifying roster, but due to the nearly criminal action, and not a sporting action, of Iscla, she is not. Garett did appear as a reserve on the recent Copa Rushmori roster, so perhaps there is still hope for her to here to the World Cup roster.

Why am I bringing all of this up? Because another dimwit from Tequilo had to open their mouth recently. Valerie Tiburón-Crudo, designated as the team psychologist, because obviously you need one when you play for a completely dysfunctional football organization as the whatever they call it today in Tequilo, was quoted as saying, “Jaïr Iscla was one of our brightest prodigies before being set up for a fall in the Under-18 World Cup in Baker Park, yes? A young woman dives to get a free kick, the ref is fooled and he is sent off. But the young woman accidentally knocks herself out, her dive is so realistic. In order to deflect from suspicions that the team in question are training their young women in balletic dives to gain advantage, a huge storm is whipped up back in the matriarchal society of that country which targets young Jaïr with a lot of online hate - classic trumpism - and unfortunately, poor Jaïr completely loses track of his career for a few years. What do we do about that to help him recover and once more contribute positively to the team?”

Complete nonsense, but why did this topic even need to be brought up in the first place? The statement was in regards to not bringing Iscla to Cassadaigua in the event that we host the Cup of Harmony. That is probably a smart thing, however don’t sleep on the fact that Iscla would not get a warm welcome in Baker Park, either, should that bid win. Cassadaigua and Baker Park’s football associations continue to have a very close relationship, even with the competing Cup of Harmony bids presently. As such, Baker Park fans are more supportive of the Cassadagan team (and vice versa) then Tiburón-Crudo may realize. The incident happened in Baker Park, so don’t be surprised to see Iscla also get treated poorly there, if that is where the Cup of Harmony is held. I need to add a footnote here though to say Tequilo is very much alive right now to qualify for the World Cup.

Lupe Enriquez, the now retired highly physical fullback, noticed the quote and posted on Spacebook that, “Tiburón-Crudo is certainly right on that. Keep that (expletive) out of Cassadaigua. He’s damn well lucky that he never had to play me, and should be thanking his lucky stars every minute of the day that he didn’t. Our fans would be very hostile towards him, and I would encourage all of it. Tequilo would get booed no matter what, and it would be an unofficial home game for whoever Tequilo played in the Cup of Harmony in Cassadaigua, should that occur, but Iscla, I wonder if that would end well for him.” Enriquez went on to say that, “all he had to do was apologize, but instead, they doubled down.”

[Graintfjall]

Fans warned over behavior ahead of burgeoning ‘rivalry matches’

While they’re unlikely carry the same historical cachet as a match between Starblaydia and Krytenia, Nephara and Banija, Vilita and Valanora, the coming games for Græntfjall are see as two potential rivalry matches, with Baggieland and Quemorr Isles. And, after blessed calm following weeks of furious rioting, counter-protesting and street violence, authorities are keen to see order prevail, issuing a stark warning to fans that behavior at both matches will be scrutinized and transgressors severely published with life-time bans. Knattspyrnusamband Græntfjalls, clearly shaken by the loss of revenue following the loss of ticket revenue to earlier games forced to be played behind closed doors, has doubled down on their ‘Kick Footballs Not Squids’ initiative to prevent crowd violence against visiting Quemorr fans.

Baggieland’s fans, who took severe objection to the Græntfjaller national team’s nickname of the ‘Snow Wolves’, chanted and barracked during the first tie between the teams, and Græntfjall can expect a frosty reception on the home trip. Björnólfur Ernestisson, unexpectedly named starting goalkeeper for the game after Christian Einvarðursson’s disastrous attempt to ‘play it out from the back’ led to an infuriating late equalizer for Indusse, said: “We know the Baggies don’t like the Wolves and will aim to make it a very uncomfortable experience for us.” He urged travelling Snow Wolf Pack fans to be respectful to their hosts, however. By contrast, captain Hrærekur Jvarsson refused to condemn fans who planned on meeting the Baggie chants with some of their own. “I’m never going to condemn someone for supporting us too passionately,” said the Steinaux midfielder.

Jvarsson’s refusal to take a tough line on crowd behavior has worried some among the KG, who see his tacit acceptance of the speciesist chanting aimed at the second set of opponents, from Quemorr Isles, as likely to lead to further WCC sanctions. Responding to a recent interview in which Jvarsson’s domestic captain, Petter Erlingsson, said that the squid and octopi of Quemorr were “clearly not kraken” and “deserved to be treated with the same respect we would any human”, Jvarsson responded with an eye-roll and shrug, and later used his twii.tur account to re-twii a comment from a Steinaux fan saying they should “make squid sausages”. But Jvarsson’s strong personal form and leadership mean KG cannot realistically strip him of the captaincy, giving him license to continue his nudge-wink approach to speciesism.

The dark clouds of the growing storm have overshadowed one of the more impressive results in recent history, a 1 – 1 draw with Nephara, in what literary critics say is a really overwrought metaphor. But the subsequent 3 – 3 draw with Indusse was a clear case of throwing away two valuable points, with Einvarðursson’s berserker* pass straight to Indusse’s captain Kumar costing the Snow Wolves a win that would have kept them above Nephara in the race for the qualification playoffs. South Covello continue their untroubled run atop the group and look near certain to qualify for the World Cup automatically.

* Used in the same way “kamikaze” would be.

Also in the paper:

• NEWS: New coalition to focus on “raising living standards for all Græntfjallers”
• BUSINESS: New coalition dismisses ‘15 cent a day’ minimum wage in EPZs as “rank communism”
• SPACE: New missiles capable of hunting kraken from space unveiled
• LITERATURE: Leading authors criticize “stifling cancel culture” in op-ed, book tour to follow
• SPORT: “The fuckton”: new unit of measurement devised to show just how much Græntfjaller skiers suck

Nephara – 1 (0)
Provost; Muscadin, Clevinger, Thorn, Stride; Cromwell (80’ Fletcher ), Horvath; Ramsey (71’ Belgrade ), Moxham, Koerner; Bastable (58’ Lovelace (64’))

Græntfjall – 1 (0)
Einvarðursson; Vilbertsdóttir, Reynarsson, Ernestisson, Lúthersdóttir (73’ Harrysson ); Ásvaldursson, Jvarsson; Snæþórsson (73’ Jonathansdóttir ), Guttisdóttir, Noahsdóttir; Þórhallursson (57’) (83’ Rögnvaldursson )

---

Græntfjall – 3 (1)
Einvarðursson; Vilbertsdóttir (70’ Snæþórsson (80’) (89’)), Reynarsson (23’), Ernestisson (62’), Lúthersdóttir; Ásvaldursson, Jvarsson (33’); Heikkisdóttir, Guttisdóttir (29’) (59’) (79’ Jonathansdóttir ), Noahsdóttir (34’); Þórhallursson (90’ Rögnvaldursson )

Indusse – 3 (1)
Leghourn; McMuller (53’), Paulson (23’) (81’ Tempetson ), Aksinwala (8’) (89’ Horsehood ); Hasle (23’ al-Kharushi ), Budtedjson (72’); Grundjee (57’); Mersiás, Butea, Kumar (88’) (90+3’), Rajpoot