"I will never understand why a nation that kills a man in public, to make a show, tries to deny its clear motives."
Tsar Maven Outtacountry had just opened the briefing on the Qassadian assassination with his mouth, and held his neck straight up to survey the document.
Reading it, the tortoise shoot his little head slightly and looked to the mushroom that had delivered the briefing. Tsar Grigory Wip was outside at the moment. Tsarina Tammy Olvia, the ancient human Empress, was present. She had been out of the throne room for a time, and was wheeled back in to deliver the document.
"Tsarina Tammy. What do you think of this?"
The fascist Tsarina realized she was being spoken to directly. She responded in her distinct, heavy Russian accent, which the other Tsars found endearing.
"This isn't the tragedy it's made out to be, Tsar Maven."
"What about the kids?"
"No, that was terrible, but I'm speaking of the target."
"Go on."
"We know that the judge defected and betrayed her country. She released top secret documents explaining the inner workings of the secret court and defied her nation's laws."
"Yes, but it's Satan*."
"Think of it this way. If a TurtleShroomer defected and spilled state secrets to an enemy, what's she done?"
"Treason."
"What is the punishment for treason?"
"Death. Or life in prison."
"Exactly. -and has TurtleShroom done this?"
"Every time we catch them."
"Has TurtleShroom ever assassinated a man?"
"Countless."
There was a pause.
"You get it, Tsar Maven. A nation defending its sovereignty and state secrets is always legitimate, even when done extra-judicially, assuming extradition is not honored. Even when that nation is the demon seed of Adolph Hitler himself, the nation has a responsibility to its preservation and its people."
"You are right, I was honestly thinking the same thing. We cannot condemn a nation for eliminating a known, actual traitor... even if the kids didn't deserve it."
"Indeed. I spoke to Tsar Grigory earlier, and he agreed."
"Satan is a huge threat to us and to the reputation of Christ's Bride. God knows that Satan has tried to send their Waynes** down here.
"In my lifetime as a general and a Fascist Servant, I understand the importance of authority and the unfortunate necessity of violence to protect the state. We simply cannot condemn killing a traitor."
"Only the kids?"
"Only the kids."
"Contact the bureaucracy. -and furthermore, I consider that Carthage must be destroyed."
"I too consider that Carthage must be destroyed."
GREAT BOUNTIFUL EMPIRE OF THE UNITED TURTLES, MUSHROOMS, AND MEN OF TURTLESHROOM
EXECUTIVE CABINET OF PEERS
IMPERIAL MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS
EVIL OVERSIGHT DIVISION
BUREAUCRAT
PUBLIC NOTICE:
The Great Bountiful Empire of the United Turtles, Mushrooms, and Men of TurtleShroom, while certainly mourning the death of the innocents, cannot outright condemn an assassination of a creature subject to that nation's law of treason.
Indeed, almost every nation condemning Qassadia's brazen assassination has ordered the deaths of their own traitors and have killed men in foreign nations. Everyone bashing this is willingly whitewashing their own sins to condemn the sins of the demon seed of Hell On Earth. We are better to be truthful than hypocrites.
Neutralizing traitors is necessary to the security of even the freest states, and it should not be treated as anything else.
This said, we nonetheless condemn the unnecessary and visible brutality of this assassination and, in particular, point to the intentional execution innocent children for the sexual sins and betrayal of their mother, as legitimate proof of the irrefutable fact that Qassadia is a depraved and wicked realm.
We call upon all the free nations of Nationstates to join TurtleShroom in her noble embargo against all Qassadian products and Qassadian entry, up to and until they either abolish slavery, transition to serfdom, or at the very least, punish slavers that rape, consume, torture, or brutalize their "property".
One day, the captive, neutered "church" enchained by the Qassadian state and her Slave Power will be freed.
Furthermore, we consider that Carthage must be destroyed.
God have mercy on us all,
-BUREAUCRAT ON BEHALF OF THE IMPERIAL MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS OF THE GREAT BOUNTIFUL EMPIRE OF THE UNITED TURTLES, MUSHROOMS, AND MEN OF TURTLESHROOM.
* = TurtleShroom casually uses "Satan" to refer to Qassadia. This is not a reference to the Prince of Darkness himself.
** = TurtleShroomers call the Qassadian covert agents "Waynes", referring to Bruce Wayne, and related to their "Batman" logo. They sometimes call them "Batman" when singular.