Pre-IAC 11 (actual timeline)
“Catriona Immaculata faces her first major test as the [United Republican Soccer] Federation’s top administrator, presiding over a brewing civil war in Omerican football.”
The Executive Director couldn’t even get a break in the bloody breakroom, what with Football Aujourd’hui blaring in the background. How appropriate that they were talking about the Championship farce the moment she took lunch. Catriona had hardly seen the man sitting at the table before, but she nevertheless to a seat next to him, facing toward the door and away from the godforsaken television set.
“The [Omerican Professional Soccer] League has called on the Federation to defect to a ‘confederation of convenience’,” the host stated, explaining the omnishambles the Federation was mired in, “but such a move has not been taken up by the Federation, who have reaffirmed that ‘Omerican football must remain united under a single roof’ and that they intend for Omerica to continue as an ‘independent’ football nation. Nevertheless, as the influence of the so-called ‘FFI’ over the Independent Associations Championship continues to grow, the tension between the Federation’s idealistic perception and the League’s vision of gruesome reality has only become harder to ignore.”
Catriona pinched the bridge of her nose in disgust. This was hell and there was seemingly no escape.
“It’s a cold day in hell when an Omerican football administrator is the good guy in a fight,” the man said in response to the programme.
“Understatement if I’ve ever heard one,” she replied with a small, awkward chuckle.
The unmistakeable voice of James-Alexandre Christopherson began to play: “It’s a fucking disgrace what these clubs and what the players have been able to do, they’ve put the Federation over a bloody barrel and the Federation need to show some guts by shutting them down before they can do it again.”
Catriona nodded along. That’s what I’ve been saying this whole time, JA.
“He’s right,” the man said before taking a slurp of noodles. “We wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for the League in the first place. I get that the indies are utterly hopeless, but this was beyond the pale.”
“I get why the players didn’t want to go, though,” Catriona admitted, knowing that they were the straw that broke the camel’s back. “If they’re not safe, that’s not good, but I just wish they had told us sooner.”
“It’s not even the most godforsaken place to hold a tournament. Pretty sure someone got tangled up with a kraken or two at that World Cup in Farfadillis.”
“Not as if bad host choices are new, right. Just have to hope no one lights a match in Ethane.”
“Well look on the bright side,” the man stated, “the damage is done and it’s not like things can get any worse.”
Big jinx energy hung over the room, but he had to be right. Things couldn’t get any worse. Could they? …
Pre-WC87 qualifying (alternate timeline)
“I cannot believe those delusional twats got their hands on this.”
The Treasurer was the first to speak up: “So the WCC meeting went well, we assume?”
“About as well as a trip to Greggyland,” an exasperated Catriona stated with her head held in her hands.
“You made our position clear, right?” Catriona’s deputy Jacques asked in accented Anglian.
“I made it clear that the qualifiers must be administered under the auspices of the IAC Organising Committee,” the Executive Director affirmed. “I stated point blank that we will not legitimise a farce under the umbrella of that cabal.”
“And you explained that our stance,” Jacques queried in his native Gallic, “on their unjustifiable favouritism towards the Lusophones.”
“Correct.”
“What are we going to do?” the Avonian representative Guy asked. “It is too late to back out of the qualifiers now and we have already burned bridges at the Championship.”
“The amateurs are out,” Alexandre, the Federation’s personnel director, stated. “I don’t want to do that again, they don’t want to do that again and no one else wants us to do that again.”
“I do not know what we’re going to do,” Jacques stated, “but I do know that our fellow Gallophones would riot if we do not find a way out of this.”
Silence hung over the room, as if Death was at the door to take one of them away.
“Well,” someone said in a doomed attempt to break the tension. “they’re certainly not going to hear us in Wharfland Ferry.”
Not a laugh. The room remained just as silent as before. And silent in contemplation until…
“Hold up…” said a lone woman with her hand raised at the other end of the table. “I have an idea, but it’s rather mad.”
“It’s worth a shot,” Catriona said with her head still buried in her hands. “You have the floor.”
“We have copycat nations enter the qualifiers all the time. A ‘Quebec’ here, another ‘Squornshelous’ there, with some ‘overseas territories’ for good measure. So what if we find another nation called ‘Omerica’ to take our place?”
Catriona rose up in her seat upon hearing the suggestion, with a spark in her eyes. “You know what, that might actually just work.”
United Republican Soccer Federation
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Port Alexandre, MS 18-A40
UNITED REPUBLICS OF OMERICA
Grearish Union v Omerica
World Cup 87 qualification — Matchday Two
Old Sample, Sampleville, Grearish Union
— and —
Omerica v Starblaydia
World Cup 87 qualification — Matchday Three
Stade des Marins, Romainbourg, RG
Omerica lineup (4–3–3): Valentine Augustin; Alphonse Notley – Charity Kayode – Justin Thyme – Sacha Sepulveda; Red Bolton (captain) – Soraya Archambault – Thom Magalhaes; Jessie Beckett – Alexis Chrysanthos – Jamal Ahmad
Substitutes: Antoine Vicario – Alexandra McGuire; Anna Charles – Darcy Francis – Raphaël Martin – Lauren Kerry; Maxime Fournier – Paige Boyce – Nadiya al-Hashim; Maïa Bustos – Jean-François Fernand – Wesley Sawyer