Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **Nephara** » Tue Sep 29, 2020 1:58 am

Everything but the title is secured going in, and Mapleford defend it with a last-minute equaliser against Caldwick Strand. Rochford and Ingram will join them in 2Div, the latter for the first time in their history.

Pillars of Southfell, who hold fourth place by a thread, are very lucky indeed. Falston United score first and retain the better of the play throughout, Garrett Stijnen particularly imperious down the left wing, Pillars indebted to former Coret Hawks goalkeeper Mariam Brookhouse. It takes until after the hour for Van Aspenwood’s cross to take a looping deflection off a heel, Cohen Alexander beasting both markers and driving home from point-blank with sheer desperation, but the Seekers just can’t get a second. Riverkey would have overtaken them with a win… but they draw with already-relegated Crossroads. So would Hackett… but they’re well beaten by Autumnstone. At the bottom, nothing can change, and nothing does.

Meanwhile, Vermillion Wanderers have lost nine of their last seventeen fixtures. It would be really, really funny if they managed one final implosion to ruin their season once and for all.

Like that, for instance. Stahlburg labour to a crucial victory over Bishop, with Bishops goalkeeper Frey Strom doing infinitely more to try and bail Vermillion out than any actual Vermillion player on the day (seriously, 3-0 at home to Chardonnay?) but to no avail in the end, an ugly skirmish on the goalmouth seeming to last for years before Harriet Michail forces the ball over the line. Diamondqueen are left breathing a sigh of relief for how fucking terrible Vermillion are; they have to visit the Harriers, and they aren’t pulling their punches. Diamonds do well, but can’t break down the defence and succumb late to a Roxana Coffey strike curled in from the edge of the box - could Manu Keller have done better? It’s immaterial, as they finish third. At the bottom, the Strongest scrabble desperately to a hard-fought draw against Corvette and that’s enough to keep them safe, despite Corvette sending up their goalkeeper (???) for a late corner to, one supposes, try and destroy the Strongest rather than for personal profit. Press beats away the corner and Nizarut almost scores at the other end, but is outstripped for pace by Seraph and has to shoot early and wide. No matter. The point saves them, as Cranequin are slaughtered 4-0 by CNL in a game they had to win and spirited, limited Peregrine get a creditable draw but not the needed win against Goodfeather.

PREMIERSHIP FINALE - MINUTE-BY-MINUTE COVERAGE by MALTE LINHARDT
Well, all the important details have been sorted out, but there remains a ritual. Can Treason finish their season with one final stylish dead rubber? Will Corvistone fend off their rivals in green, the Moths, to maintain a hold over fourth place and the Champions League? Which of the four teams stranded on 51 points will make it to 54? Find out in the

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90 mins -- And the final whistle blows! I’ll be honest, I’m still reeling somewhat about the whole ‘giraffe’ incident at Parrhesia, and I’m sure it’s going to take Babatunde Warrington months to wash all of that out of his hair. The pair of 3-0 wins sees the Moths snatch fourth in what were, at the end, comfortable circumstances, and that was about all left on the agenda regardless. Starling and Stahlburg is the last match to conclude, drawing a curtain on a mutually disappointing season and what might be the final match for Douglas Tibet - and most likely will for Coret manager Nick Feeney after another brutally underwhelming season. Brookford’s win over Chatswood was just sad, while Cranequin Wanderers, after more final-day heroics (even if they were meaningless under these circumstances) go to see if they can make it three times lucky...

FINAL RESULTS
Brinemouth 2-2 Aries Chariots
Brookford Otters 1-0 Chatswood
Creed United 3-1 Coret Hawks
Parrhesia United 3-0 AFC Corvistone
Chenoworth Rovers 2-0 Crisisbless
Belgrave 1-3 Crisisbless United
Cranequin Wanderers 2-0 Newrook City
South Laithland 0-1 North Laithland
Leichhardt 1-3 Sabrefell Athletic
Vermillion Rage 0-3 Sabrefell Moths
AFC Treason 1-0 Southfell United
Starling 1-1 Stahlburg City

PRO/REL PLAYOFFS
2DIV Kommissar vs. 3DIV Kensey Town
The Sheepdogs have overachieved just to make it this far, and they boast the not inconsiderable advantage of somehow having the slightly alcoholic Rho Efthimiou at this level, who is on paper far better than that. But Kensey have never made it this high before, and attack and press with a relentless hunger. Early on, Brand Hilton flattens probing Kensey forward Vance Tassett, allowing the experienced striker a penalty… which Hilton atones for by tipping onto the post. No matter; Tassett eats up and nods home a cross from the diminutive winger Nikola Reed on the verge of half-time, before Markus Stones breaks through midfield to smash home from thirty yards with pure, delicious power. Five minutes later, Stones is sent off - a yellow card for the initial challenge, another for mouthing off - and Kommissar sense their second chance. Forde hits the outside of the post before lively midfielder Mikael Tanner pounces on confusion in the box to drag home the rebound, but it’s the only chance they get, and they are down.

1DIV Cranequin City vs. 2DIV Pillars of Southfell
Both sides come out trying to spoil. For Cranequin the plan extends as far as ‘get the ball to Sasha Wheaton and hope she does something’, and the battle-hardened old veteran strives to fulfil her role in the initial minutes. A ball falls to her in midfield, she hooks it over the head of creaking marker Alsatian and rips a powerful volley at goal that would probably have scored in the box but as it stands there’s time for Brookhouse to push it over the top. The game is three minutes old, and that statement of intent is as good as things get for either side in a dreary first half, with both sides mustering just a single other shot on target. But in the second, something breaks; Alsatian nips the ball away from Wheaton and fires it down the left to wily winger Amine Raihani, who waits for Athanasakis to commit and breaks outside him and nips around his back, plays a clever one-two with the target man Alexander and fires low and hard past Matthews’ near post. The goalkeeper spends more effort berating her defence than she did covering her angles, but whoever’s to blame, the Terracotta Army have to pick themselves up and fight back and… don’t. Wheaton is shouted at by Forde for failing to weight a pass well enough. Skiff comes on and shouts at Monroe for a missed tackle. Forde punches the ground when Rodrigues fails to find the admittedly obvious pass and instead swings in a cross to nowhere. Pillars remain united, and stand firm at the back to clinch promotion.

PREMIER Cranequin Wanderers vs. 1DIV Stahlburg Rovers
Cranequin Wanderers (3-5-2) 1 - Szarbach; 13 - Musgrave, 2 - Traustram, 5 - Stoeva; 6 - Kaveci, 15 - Plibersek, 8 - Mason, 21 - Butcher (c), 3 - Islinger; 9 - Viere, 10 - Koellner
Bench 12 - Cotton; 4 - Kravec, 7 - Grahn, 11 - Keepsake, 17 - Bishop, 22 - Bryant, 36 - Sutter
Manager Jerrell Drake

Stahlburg Rovers (4-2-3-1) 1 - Gilzean; 2 - Wernbloom, 5 - Kresp-Cinic, 6 - Macellan, 3 - Michalak; 4 - Vanderlei (c), 31 - Middleton; 7 - Sebring, 8 - Rookworth, 11 - Taylor; 21 - Radcliffe
Bench 12 - Wever; 9 - Michail, 13 - Fenton, 18 - Mesorounis, 23 - Kunz, 31 - Churchfather, 46 - Audrey
Manager Reinhard Drake

And of course it’s both sets of Cranequin supporters in the former capital, on the same weekend, for the second year in a row - and, yes, of course there are clashes in the streets. But the Terracotta Army’s luck ran out yesterday, while the Wanderers are trying to make it three playoff victories in three years. “It’s a stage and a pressure we’re comfortable with,” says Cranequin’s manager, Jerrell Drake, drily. His opposite man, also called Drake, has little to say, but a lot to do before a ball’s been kicked, managing an injury crisis for a team that limped over the line. Boldly, despite missing primary playmaker Talay, he opts to pack the midfield.

The Wanderers go out to spoil and intimidate, passing safely and killing the game from the first ten minutes onward. Declan Mason is a colossus, metaphorically moreso than literally; so often, promising attacks stall out when bright but callow Page Rookworth runs into Mason and loses the ball somewhere along the way. In the twelfth, there’s more fear - Rookworth finally gets past Mason only to be pulverised by Butcher, and stays down for a time. Are they really going to have to turn to Meliza Audrey, an 18-year old who hasn’t actually started a game all season?

Rookworth carries on, though the Rovers play with ten for three minutes during which a Koellner header flashes wide from point-blank range. It is a profligacy they will shortly pay for, when Rasunda Vanderlei - a 35-year old partnering a teenager as the double pivot - casually sweeps a ball over Mason’s head. It bounces perfectly in front of Rookworth, and she manages to flick the ball forward just as Butcher shoves her down. Radcliffe rises unchallenged, not exactly a fierce aerial presence, and blindly flicks the ball behind her, as Karla Sebring races like hell to get on the end of it and smash past Szarbach with her first touch.

The Wanderers are stunned through the rest of the first half but come out strongly in the second. After Rook Middleton, the son of iconic Rovers goalkeeper and Quebec international Adrian, rashly brutalises Danira Plibersek in a dangerous position, the veteran midfielder repays the kindness by smashing a free kick into the goalframe, Gilzean utterly stationary. Another shot from Koellner is snuffed out by a sliding challenge from Macellan, taking it in the midriff. Kresp-Cinic leaps over their defensive partner to clear, and Macellan gets to his feet, grimacing, trotting forward as Sebring races down the right in search of the clearance, takes advantage of Butcher’s hesitation to drop a shoulder and pass by her, plays in Radcliffe who can only rush a shot which spins off Traustram’s ankle for a corner. Macellan still hustles forward, first to move up the defensive line and now, barely in time to press into the box for the corner, one that Vanderlei swings in. He wrestles with Musgrave, gets ahead of her and manages to just get airborne in time, and...

CdC FINAL
Treason are in party mood even before the game starts. They’ve won the league and remain the only Nepharan side to perform remotely credibly in international competition, and they go out determined to finish their five-tournament marathon in style. This is, improbably, their 70th game of the season. They have 19 players who have made ten or more league appearances. Lothaire Cromwell has started 60 of these games, and he leads the charge from the front, fouling Henry Patterson forty seconds into the game and drawing a caution for it. So, yes, the Stags are up for it.

By the first half, they’ve made that very clear indeed. They’re out for revenge after Directus dumped them out of the Champions League, and one has to wonder where this clinical finish was back then; both sides have three shots on target by half-time, and the score is 3-0 to Treason. But the difference is in the chances made; Hawke with a header under pressure from Lockheed, Strongbow and Martel-Burns trying their luck from outside the box. Every Stags shot is inside the box, as is their one shot on target in the second half, a bullet header from Idai Uster to seal her hat-trick. Does the scoreline reflect the flow of the game? By no means. But it is, one senses, the game by which this Stags outfit can be defined.

NFA CUP FINAL
Southfell United (4-4-2) 1 - Gavaris; 2 - Bowyer, 5 - Wight, 6 - Ellis, 3 - Evans; 22 - Forestier, 4 - Hensser, 23 - Nagy (c), 11 - Heidke; 21 - Petrov, 17 - Kuzener
Bench 20 - Spyrakis; 8 - Hemeyer, 9 - Borzoi, 13 - Everett, 19 - Stankovic, 26 - Morvan, 31 - Waisman
Manager George Jayson

Sabrefell Moths (4-3-3) 1 - Markgraf; 2 - Bruun (c), 19 - Turnbull, 13 - Brabanzon, 22 - Devante; 7 - Zuniga, 6 - Shone, 17 - Strausz; 10 - Belgrade, 9 - Archer, 16 - Morgenstern
Bench 20 - Carroll; 4 - Timekeeper, 18 - Harper, 20 - Turner, 21 - Parr, 23 - Kellard, 32 - Majerle
Manager Adalheid Metzelder

And as ever the end to the domestic season remains the showpiece, the final. And of course it’s battered, careworn sides in the end that limp to it. The Tanners are missing Lissa Anselm and Amalie Gundersen, with defensive bulwark Stankovic only fit enough for the bench. The Moths, meanwhile, are missing Vivica Muscadin due to an injury sustained in training on international duty, which lead to Adalheid Metzelder claiming the World Cup should be abolished. It’s a pity; this is her 24th birthday.

It proves an omen. Her stand-in, Lorcan Devante, is relentlessly energetic in the opening stages, smashing Forestier’s legs out from under her and somehow getting away without the foul. And, hey, suddenly the wing is wide open. He picks himself up, nips onto the loose ball ahead of Arysa Hensser and goes off on a tear, running out of steam before taking on Bowyer but flicking in a cross that Shiloh Morgenstern, caught a little ahead of the play, instinctively flicks at. It winds up almost being a scorpion kick, providing just enough momentum and force to catch out Ursula Gavaris and see the ball nestle in the top corner. Fluke? No, all skill! Though as ever with these goals the truth is somewhere in between.

Indignant either at the manner of the goal or the blatant foul in the buildup - and the Farham Arena is after all the Moths’ stadium these days, the last season as the national stadium before the new neutral stadium goes up in Corvistone - the Tanners go on to dominate the rest of the first half and relentlessly hammer on the door. It is known that the best way to attack the Moths is, well, to attack them; they aren’t built to survive sustained pressure, and it eventually tells when Heidke scoops out a perfectly weighted ball over the top. Markgraf comes out for it before realising it’s too far, a rare error that Lyzolda Petrov punishes ruthlessly. Late in the half, Petrov thrashes another violent strike at goal, one Markgraf does well to parry aside… but Svenja Bowyer’s made an improbable run to follow in from fullback and slides in with the last of her reserves to hook the ball into the net. She stays on the ground as the interval whistle blows. Kuzener, in the end, has to scoop her up and take her into the tunnel.

The game wears on in the second half, becomes more concussive. Reina Turnbull goes down under the force of her own challenge, and after fretting, Metzelder shifts the satyr fullback Bruun inside and calls on Cleo Harper to come on. Petrov has a scare from a classic Tawny Shone moment, but limps on - though she never quite conjures up another blinding change of pace. Nor do the Tanners, who begin to fade and fall back, but their pressing begins to lack intensity, and spaces open up. Lorena Strausz finds them masterfully, starting a fourteen-pass move and ending it in style, rewarding the Moths’ patience by getting on the end of Harper’s diagonal ball and driving it low past Gavaris.

Both sides pool together what little left they have, and go for it. Gavaris makes a sharp double save from Strausz and Archer in quick succession, Markgraf manages an astonishing reflex save to deny Kuzener, already half-wheeling away thinking she’d scored. Fresh bodies are thrown in to try and make the difference and in the end, one does. Morgenstern clips in a cross under pressure from Bowyer, shoulder-to-shoulder, falling almost gracefully together after it’s in and looking into the box. Gavaris clambers over Archer and punches out, unconvincingly. Belgrade and Ellis hurl themselves at the loose ball, which caroms to nowhere before Evans flicks it towards the edge of the penalty area… just as Bryger Kellard, unsung hero and the son of World champion Michael, to drive home past innumerable sprawling red shirts with his first touch. It proves a fatal blow for the Tanners, who don’t muster a shot in the closing stages bar the single one in anger from Heidke that goes into space and proves the last kick of the match, on the last Cup Final at the Farham, lifted by a satyr in Bruun if not the one who is officially the Moths’ captain, Vol, who may have played her last game at 37 for the side that loves her. And with that, the season draws to a graceful close. It has been a white and red year, on the whole, but here and now is green and black.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 AFC Treason              46  33   6   7  88  25  +63  105
  2 Brinemouth               46  30   8   8 100  40  +60   98
  3 Crisisbless              46  28  12   6  85  35  +50   96
  4 Sabrefell Moths          46  24  13   9  75  47  +28   85
  5 AFC Corvistone           46  26   5  15  75  51  +24   83
  6 Sabrefell Athletic       46  24   9  13 100  65  +35   81
  7 Aries Chariots           46  22  13  11  80  55  +25   79
  8 Vermillion Rage          46  22   8  16  71  56  +15   74
  9 Stahlburg City           46  20  14  12  54  45   +9   74
 10 Southfell United         46  22   8  16  75  68   +7   74
 11 Starling                 46  20  10  16  84  67  +17   70
 12 North Laithland          46  19   9  18  61  57   +4   66
 13 Crisisbless United       46  18  11  17  57  72  -15   65
 14 Parrhesia United         46  15   9  22  54  88  -34   54
 15 Newrook City             46  13  12  21  61  73  -12   51
 16 Coret Hawks              46  13  12  21  48  71  -23   51
 17 South Laithland          46  15   6  25  51  77  -26   51
 18 Chenoworth Rovers        46  12  14  20  54  73  -19   50
 19 Creed United             46  14   8  24  54  75  -21   50
 20 Belgrave                 46  12   8  26  64  99  -35   44
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      46   8  17  21  44  70  -26   41
 22 Brookford Otters         46   8  10  28  39  94  -55   34
 23 Leichhardt               46   7  12  27  43  67  -24   33
 24 Chatswood                46   6   8  32  33  80  -47   26

TOP SCORERS
29 - Jackson (BRI)
26 - Benezet (SFA)
24 - Dostalok (STA), Uster (TRE)
23 - Woakes (CRI)
21 - rue Cazade (BRI), Sierra (ARC), Êns (SFA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Danielle Jackson (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Farago rue Cazade (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Kendra Ramsey (CHR)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Kahala Murje (TRE)
Team of the Year: Markgraf (SFM); Stride (TRE), Bajnok (CRI), Murje (TRE), Muscadin (SFM); Malkorra (ARC), Cromwell (TRE), rue Cazade (BRI), Bowman (CRI); Benezet (SFA), Jackson (BRI)
Bench: Na’Kefir (CRI); Niedermayer (CVS), Almwood (CVS), Forestier (SFU), Kastriot (CRI), Êns (SFA), Uster (TRE)
Manager of the Year: Grey Holden (ARC)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers        46  33   7   6  88  33  +55  106
  2 Iron City                  46  26   9  11  75  39  +36   87
  3 Diamondqueen               46  25  11  10  69  34  +35   86
  4 Stahlburg Rovers           46  24  12  10  82  40  +42   84
  5 Vermillion Wanderers       46  25   9  12  71  36  +35   84
  6 Armstrong                  46  22  12  12  58  44  +14   78
  7 Cypher Town                46  23   7  16  49  39  +10   76
  8 Mantlegrove                46  21  11  14  64  49  +15   74
  9 Raven River                46  20  13  13  69  51  +18   73
 10 North Sabrefell            46  21  10  15  59  48  +11   73
 11 Goodfeather FC             46  18  15  13  77  58  +19   69
 12 Corvette Maulers           46  13  22  11  60  60   +0   61
 13 AFC Rochford               46  16  11  19  41  53  -12   59
 14 Corinthians No Longer      46  16  11  19  62  77  -15   59
 15 AFC Serpentine             46  17   7  22  63  66   -3   58
 16 Bishop                     46  13  16  17  55  66  -11   55
 17 Alliance Barossia          46  16   6  24  36  54  -18   54
 18 Chardonnay Rangers         46  13  14  19  62  67   -5   53
 19 Barossia United            46  11  17  18  48  62  -14   50
 20 The Strongest              46  10  11  25  49  99  -50   41
 21 Cranequin City             46   9  13  24  32  64  -32   40
 22 Peregrine                  46   9  12  25  51  95  -44   39
 23 Crisisbless Athletic       46   5  13  28  44  85  -41   28
 24 Morningstar                46   3  17  26  32  77  -45   26

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Dulcina Radcliffe (STR) - 29
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Donato Girardi (CHH)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Gareth Pawnbroker (ARM)
Team of the Year: Virtanen (ARM); Bowman (IRC), Everard (DMQ), Letang (CHH), Parissis (VRW); Coffey (CHH), Snowpoint (IRC), Girardi (CHH), Kynda-Sevet (CYT); Kruger (VRW), Radcliffe (STR)
Manager of the Year: Daniel Archer (MAG)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Gonen's Bridge            46  31   6   9  96  44  +52  99
  2 Greygate                  46  26  11   9  81  48  +33  89
  3 Aries Solitaire           46  25  10  11  88  45  +43  85
  4 Pillars of Southfell      46  19  18   9  61  41  +20  75
  5 Dartmouth Terriers        46  20  15  11  63  53  +10  75
  6 Riverkey                  46  21  11  14  45  37   +8  74
  7 Locksley                  46  19  16  11  86  59  +27  73
  8 Hackett                   46  21  10  15  69  54  +15  73
  9 West Brinemouth           46  18  16  12  53  42  +11  70
 10 Ritter Town               46  19  11  16  62  61   +1  68
 11 Falston United            46  15  20  11  60  55   +5  65
 12 Sheridan                  46  17  14  15  41  37   +4  65
 13 Autumnstone               46  16  15  15  63  63   +0  63
 14 Ballardine FC             46  16  13  17  58  65   -7  61
 15 Boltcroft Thorns          46  18   5  23  75  83   -8  59
 16 Extreme Hills             46  15  12  19  67  72   -5  57
 17 Stonegrave                46  14  12  20  42  57  -15  54
 18 Gosmouth Swans            46  13  14  19  62  72  -10  53
 19 The Hanged Man            46  14  10  22  35  48  -13  52
 20 Lazuli Diamonds           46  12   9  25  57  89  -32  45
 21 Kommissar                 46  10  11  25  51  93  -42  41
 22 AFC Shale                 46   8  14  24  30  56  -26  38
 23 Crossroads Town           46  10   7  29  41  76  -35  37
 24 Lockheed Zenith           46   7  16  23  38  74  -36  37

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Roanna Murin (GOB) - 34
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Roanna Murin (GOB)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Ida Lancer (WBR)
Team of the Year: Moore (WBR); Parkes (LCK), Korve (GOB), Strober (RVK), Seitz (GOB); Prowse (ARS), Gillard (RVK), Shrewsbury (DRT), Starmer (GRG); Murin (GOB), Rubesch (LCK)
Manager of the Year: Snowy Brennan (GOB)

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Mapleford                    46  30   7   9   99   42  +57  97
  2 Ingram Township              46  30   7   9   72   32  +40  97
  3 Rochford Pilgrims            46  29   7  10   97   51  +46  94
  4 Kensey Town                  46  24   9  13  104   62  +42  81
  5 New Oakstone Phoenix         46  23  10  13   89   62  +27  79
  6 Brindleton                   46  23  10  13   75   49  +26  79
  7 Southriver                   46  22   9  15   77   52  +25  75
  8 Caldwick Strand              46  23   5  18   64   60   +4  74
  9 Martella Jazz                46  20  11  15   74   61  +13  71
 10 Cranequin Souths             46  19  12  15   79   67  +12  69
 11 Hartford Glade               46  18  13  15   69   64   +5  67
 12 Strephonage                  46  17  15  14   57   54   +3  66
 13 Coret Rovers                 46  15  12  19   52   60   -8  57
 14 West Hook                    46  16   9  21   45   65  -20  57
 15 Brokenarch                   46  13  15  18   50   54   -4  54
 16 East Laithland Harriers      46  15   9  22   75   85  -10  54
 17 Crownsend Journey            46  13  15  18   55   73  -18  54
 18 Constance Park               46  13  12  21   46   65  -19  51
 19 Riverkey Shells              46  13  10  23   71   94  -23  49
 20 Sirencall FC                 46  12  11  23   52   82  -30  47
 21 Fully Sick XI                46  13   5  28   53   85  -32  44
 22 Rookwall                     46  10  13  23   40   78  -38  43
 23 Iberia Chenoworth            46  11   6  29   60  113  -53  39
 24 Downsparrow                  46   9  10  27   45   90  -45  37

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ringway                 38  21   9   8  67  43  +24  72
  2 Lindmark Falcons        38  20   8  10  94  60  +34  68
  3 Fischer                 38  19   8  11  67  54  +13  65
  4 Chenoworth Teutons      38  17  11  10  56  38  +18  62
  5 Lindwurm Delta          38  17   8  13  73  55  +18  59
  6 Sutcroft                38  17   8  13  64  55   +9  59
  7 Aspen Grove             38  14  14  10  43  33  +10  56
  8 Iron United             38  16   6  16  43  46   -3  54
  9 Boleyn Town             38  13  13  12  45  42   +3  52
 10 Creed Rosebud           38  14  10  14  51  51   +0  52
 11 Courser                 38  14   9  15  49  49   +0  51
 12 FC Seierstad            38  12  12  14  57  52   +5  48
 13 Grovebank               38  12  12  14  44  44   +0  48
 14 Moxstone Fortune        38  14   6  18  49  62  -13  48
 15 Rushe United            38  12  10  16  56  68  -12  46
 16 AFC Feuerweiss          38  13   7  18  51  77  -26  46
 17 Besand's Folly          38  10  13  15  61  61   +0  43
 18 AFC Hellerine           38  10  12  16  39  62  -23  42
 19 Harrington              38  10   9  19  46  67  -21  39
 20 Sutcroft Athletic       38   8   9  21  35  71  -36  33
Promoted: Grey Egress, AFC Hoxenhaven

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Northside Eagles          38  26   5   7  83  44  +39  83
  2 Corvistone City           38  22  11   5  65  31  +34  77
  3 Shimmering Quay           38  23   6   9  80  45  +35  75
  4 Latin Enclave FC          38  20   8  10  66  40  +26  68
  5 Long Lake                 38  20   7  11  50  36  +14  67
  6 Brunyard FC               38  20   6  12  66  49  +17  66
  7 South Parrhesia           38  20   4  14  60  44  +16  64
  8 The Travellers FC         38  19   6  13  50  46   +4  63
  9 Brookford Vantablack      38  13  12  13  64  52  +12  51
 10 Twelvetrees               38  14   8  16  41  42   -1  50
 11 Longwinter                38  14   8  16  47  51   -4  50
 12 AFC Southsands            38  14   5  19  45  49   -4  47
 13 Ox River United           38  11  12  15  37  37   +0  45
 14 Advance Lazuli            38  13   5  20  43  63  -20  44
 15 AFC Burchess              38  12   5  21  44  64  -20  41
 16 Barhara Cavaliers         38  10  10  18  43  64  -21  40
 17 Rosary Brinemouth         38   9  11  18  37  61  -24  38
 18 Bodkin Road               38  11   3  24  36  63  -27  36
 19 AFC Volksgarten           38   7  10  21  40  65  -25  31
 20 Aries Tigers              38   6  10  22  33  84  -51  28
Promoted: Mueller’s Crossing, Sharpe Mill

by **Nephara** » Wed Oct 21, 2020 4:07 am

This is the final season of the Nepharan Premiership.
There is no cause for alarm. Updates until apocalypse: 11

by **Nephara** » Fri Oct 23, 2020 5:57 pm

Season 78 Preview
Updates to Apocalypse: 10

There are three scourges afflicting the Premiership. The first is branding. Premier. The Premiership has never really been the Premiership alone. Historically, that’s been Vanorian. And a Premiership is not a Premier League, like those of Eastfield Lodge, Taeshan, Farfadillis & Banija, Abanhfleft, Mercedini, Schottia or Poafmersia… and that’s just from the top 32. Nephara’s league has been exceptional. It is one of the superleagues of multiverse history. Its branding needs to reflect this, and stand out from the pack.

The amendment is expected to pass with a majority of 13-9, with two abstaining.

by **Nephara** » Mon Oct 26, 2020 5:36 pm

Updates to Apocalypse: 9

The second is congestion. 46 matchdays. 24 teams. And some have nothing to play for. The midtable of the Premiership is a quagmire of adequacy, each side having a myriad of talents striving to the best of their ability to finish 14th. Matches that matter are swarmed by those that don't, and the effect is weariness for every player in the league - and for the viewer, as well. It is naive to think this isn't holding Premiership sides back in IFCF, or their players in international tournaments. The load must be lightened.

by **Nephara** » Sun Nov 01, 2020 6:40 pm

Updates to Apocalypse: 8

The third is--

Ah, it doesn't matter. The results have just come in.
15 votes in favour. One abstention - Creed United, for one reason or another. 8 against, mostly those with the most to lose at the bottom of the table.
This will be the Premiership's final season. Five will go down. One playoff place. Chaos further down the pyramid. An outcry. Remind yourselves this is for the greater good.

by **Nephara** » Mon Nov 02, 2020 7:53 pm

First Division Preview

This is not the end of the First Division. There will, however, be nine automatic relegation places. Good luck, lads!

Second Division

1. Cranequin City
Colours Terracotta and gold
Nickname the Terracotta Army
Manager Corinne Mersiades (38)
Key Players Fyona Matthews (GK, 32), Ulysses Athanasakis (RB, 26), Adonis Satotxe (CB, 32, COS), Thucydides Soros (CB, 26), Joanna Rodrigues (LB, 25, GRU), Altena Monroe (DM, 25), Harriet Skiff (CM, 34), Louise Tsolakis (CM, 25), Hakan Gryspos (ST, 34, SRS), Heron Paara (ST, 27, MRN)
Summary Crashed and burned last season, but on paper they have a squad that should be nowhere near this level. Players like Matthews, Tsolakis, Paara... Monroe was courted by about half the First Division but refused to leave her hometown club in their hour of need. Easy favourites to bounce back, with Stars in the state they're in.

2. Morningstar
Colours Black and pink
Nickname the Warriors, Stars
Manager Prisca Stenet (42)
Key Players Catra Paderborn (GK, 24), Ward Cullen (RB, 25), Karl Linstead (CB, 33), Sherry Brosnan (CB, 24, CYI), Beck Gannon (LB, 24), Leila Chaseling (RM, 25), Coridan Ryder (CM, 30), Florian Banneret (CM, 19), Cassandra Preston (LM, 26, GRU), Sandro Quintal (ST, 32, AUD), Roxanna Strong (ST, 29)
Summary Sacking Serra Chilton made a lot of sense at the time, but the none games that Stars won after that made it look a little more dubious. Stenet has a rebuild on her hands, a proper one this time, but on paper Stars still look too good for the division.

3. Locksley
Colours Burgundy and white
Nickname the Brewers
Manager Ulrich Esperance (48)
Key Players Jade Chorus (GK, 28), Anyta Parkes (RB, 29), Alexis Tymon (CB, 26), Natasa Rotival (LB, 32), Reno Stubbs (CM, 26), Carver Heaton (ST, 30), Petra Rubesch (ST, 24)
Summary Scored a ton, conceded a ton. The Brewers' squad was just... uneven, and letting the clay set in the oven might not have the effect desired. Still, Esperance is highly rated for a good reason.

4. Peregrine
Colours Green and white
Nickname the Falconers
Manager Jess Hearn (47)
Key Players Artemis Tsipras (GK, 24), Brindle Taukroger (RB, 31), Providence Mensah (CB, 33), Avram Beyard (CB, 32), Audrey Curran (CB, 20), Avis Montagne (LB, 27, CMT), Stefi Unbehaun (DM, 34), Loftus Fitford (CM, 25), Julia Roberts (RW, 23), Felix Luthier (LW, 23), Sylvia Janik (ST, 33, GLX), Dauntless Carrick (ST, 21)
Summary Nobody expected Peregrine to stay up. They duly didn't. But they've kept enough danger in their lines to have a decent shout at an immediate return, and may even be better for the experience with the young guns in the side.

5. Dartmouth Terriers
Colours Sky and navy
Nickname the Terriers
Manager Rainer Hildebrandt (52)
Key Players Florian Latrobe (RB, 27), Dominik Ciernik (CB, 31, NOV), Ruth Paraffin (LB, 26), Coretta Mauk (RM, 29), Fiona Shrewsbury (CM, 33), Jakob Forsyth (CM, 31), Sasha Pfaelzisch (CM, 22), Gabriel Prosper (ST, 33)
Summary Only goal difference kept them out of the playoffs last time; tehy were disappointingly open at times, and not exactly thrilling up front to make up for it. But their solidity will keep them in decent stead.

6. Crisisbless Athletic
Colours Navy and white
Manager Lysander Pierson (47)
Key Players Rasmus Garrick (GK, 28, CYI), Andre Oenning (RB, 23), Crispin Galloway (CB, 33), Tristan Young (CB, 33), Sabien Rhodes (LB, 30), July Valente (DM, 30, IRN), Kimon Heidelberg (CM, 32), Amethyst Miller (LW, 27), Dionysius Lyritzis (ST, 33)
Summary The roof came in. They went down and it wasn't even close, and their cream was relatively easy to pick out to not leave a whole lot left. Short-term signings like Lyritzis will stabilise them, but only that.

7. Riverkey
Colours White and purple
Nickname the Seagulls
Manager Janus Gligor (50)
Key Players Zuza Martin (RB, 24, CMT), Alexis Rudkine (LB, 33), Anneliese Coe (RM, 30), Lowen Barr (LM, 32), Cornelian Stryger (ST, 30), Radja Martelbach (ST, 29)
Summary Shorn of their best player in Sven Gillard, but Riverkey still look in decent shape. They just... really need a supply line to Martelbach, who has cut an increasingly agitated figure up front. Few complaints at the back, and they boast the best defensive record in the league.

8. Hackett
Colours Red and white
Nickname the Merry Boys
Manager Ersan Barton (46)
Key Players Nicola Wrexham (RB, 33), Roderick Munoz (CB, 33, ETN), Myriam Lockett (CB, 24, CMT), Connor Wettin (LB, 28), Arran Grey (CM, 32), Viktor Key (CM, 31), Drusilla Moxey (LW, 34)
Summary Merry Boys or Golden Girls? A managerial change revitalised them last season, very nearly got them to promotion, but the old guard are staying in place one last year for one last battle.

9. West Brinemouth
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Gulls
Manager Marko Gaston (49)
Key Players Ingrid Moore (GK, 26), Arminia Margate (RB, 25), Tomas Castanon (CB, 33, AUD), Niadra Anneaux (CB, 27, CMT), Denisa Wilhelm (LB, 25), Adelard Chambers (CM, 34), Laegjarn Martyn (CM, 33), Ida Lancer (AM, 20), Ferran Guegan (ST, 32, AUD), Haroun Maynard (ST, 31)
Summary The less said about last season the better. On paper, the Gulls simply must do better. What can Haroun Maynard achieve now that he isn't shackled to the sinking (now sunken) ship of Coret Rovers?

10. Boltcroft Thorns
Colours Green and black
Nickname the Thorns
Manager Miron Campbell (54)
Key Players Morgana Carlisle (GK, 26), Belaskita Skalak (RB, 34), Constance Jameson (CM, 25), Anders Haskell (LM, 28), Jakob Spinnett (ST, 34), Sigrid Blaxland (ST, 26)
Summary The Thorns are basically just 'where Exene Fletcher came from' as things stand. They need to hammer things down at the back, but Blaxland's throwback charm produces the goods going forward.

11. Ballardine FC
Colours Purple and white
Nickname the Harpers
Manager Radeka Mulholland (44)
Key Players Dion Pearce (RB, 25), Gabriel Bragg (CB, 27), Mikael Tanner (CM, 22), Matthias Vasquez (RW, 29), Tigran Montague (AM, 29, ISK), Melita Briskey (LW, 23), Melody Forster (ST, 30)
Summary Reversion to the mean, and now without Lyn Havelock. Even so, they've made the most of their time in the sunlight, reinforced themselves and look ready to dig in their heels.

12. Autumnstone
Colours Red and yellow
Nickname the Archers
Manager Kurtis Mallory (57)
Key Players Georgia Hoffman (GK, 26), Barst Huebner (CB, 32), Matt Hephernan (RM, 33), Xene Vourvoulias (RM, 22), Jill Sunderland (CM, 24), Immanuel Leifer (LM, 26), Evander Trueman (ST, 26)
Summary Increasingly exciting, Autumnstone look young, vibrant and dangerous, but sometimes callow in tight situations.

13. Gosmouth Swans
Colours White and blue
Nickname the Swans
Manager Lukas Farrell (53)
Key Players Dalibor Redcliff (GK, 26), Alanna Clemens (CB, 29), Hawke Ziegenhorn (ST, 29, CEN)
Summary One of the greatest Cup runs of all time. The rehabilitation of Hawke Ziegenhorn. And, best of all, Lukas Farrell's turned down the Crisisbless Athletic job! For... some reason.

14. Ritter Town
Colours White and orange
Nickname the Stallions
Manager Pernille Raphael (50)
Key Players Jasper Kirkland (GK, 33), Rickard Berardi (RB, 23), Goran Martell (CB, 33), Odo Vorstead (CB, 26), Lesedi Maina (LB, 31, FPT), Augustine Yew (RM, 33), Garrett Fairbank (CM, 28), Gabriel Haines (LM, 33)
Summary Ritter have just about stabilised themselves, their faith in Pernille Raphael more or less paying off. The departure of Tania Brummer, however, leaves them looking old and mediocre.

15. The Hanged Man
Colours Red and black
Nickname THM
Manager Lind Scholar (45)
Key Players Marcel Evans (RB, 33), Mia Geoghan (CB, 34), Ranulf Gatcan (CB, 33), Alex Levine (LB, 24), Merope Spyropoulos (DM, 26), Nikola Stavros (RM, 25), Robyn Parker (LM, 25)
Summary Warren Orwell is out, his protege Scholar in, but THM remain much the same. They won't score, they won't concede, and they'll be battling to stay on the good side of the line.

16. Stonegrave
Colours Sky and black
Nickname the Diggers
Manager Alysia Garrett (57)
Key Players Pamela Flush (GK, 27), Caleb Fisher (RB, 25), Osman Lambert (CB, 26), Dew Wilston (CB, 25), Ira Dovaston (DM, 31), Micah Horner (CM, 32), Erika Stenlein (CM, 22), Stefan Curtiz (LM, 23), Chloe Lehrer (ST, 33)
Summary Tough at the back, nonexistent at the front. Stonegrave have set their stall on just being solid and unpleasant to break down.

17. Sheridan
Colours Green and orange
Nickname Sherries
Manager Henna Morgan (44)
Key Players Marget Veld (GK, 26), Gerwyn Clarke (CM, 35), Matthew Rawson (CM, 31), Aris Daskalakis (ST, 33)
Summary Sherries solidified their presence in the top half, despite less than a goal a game. But theirs is an old, short-term side, and one worries for where they're at now.

18. Falston United
Colours White and black
Nickname the Eels
Manager Alaric Jansen (50)
Key Players Ilary Townes (RB, 31), Robyn Cormack (CB, 27), Casper Slate (LB, 26), Raphael Passlach (CM, 33), Kat Mundine (CM, 23, CYI), Cedric Willas (ST, 26), Garrett Stijnen (LW, 31)
Summary A stable season, but Falston seem to lack a decisive edge in either box and are now down their excellent goalkeeper, Garrick.

19. Lazuli Diamonds
Colours Yellow and blue
Nickname the Diamonds
Manager Phoenix Holler (49)
Key Players Brand Hilton (GK, 26), Hadrian Chalmond (RB, 26), Geoff Packer (CB, 28), Franziska Jaspen (LB, 34), Sujet Carsley (RM, 33), Chester Regis (CM, 25), Andreas Davis (LM, 23), Romeo Varrick (ST, 31)
Summary Diamonds will need to do more than just excite to be in with a genuine chance this season.

20. Extreme Hills
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Hounds
Manager Diadora Payne (48)
Key Players Julian Alderweiss (GK, 33), Dorian Webster (GK, 19), Stefan Oughtred (RB, 31), Cherry Whiteside (RM, 25), Stefan Ermine (LM, 31), Nori Harcutt (ST, 34), Meredith Lincoln (ST, 25)
Summary The only logical conclusion over the past few years is this: God hates Extreme Hills.

21. Mapleford
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Bantams
Manager Corryn Barnard (48)
Key Players Ange Shackell (GK, 34), Delilah Stamatopolous (CB, 28), Genevieve Taylor (LB, 33), Michael Chiscott (CM, 28)
Summary The four

22. Ingram Township
Colours White and black
Nickname the Hussars
Manager Josip Smeltz (52)
Key Players Xanthe Peters (CB, 24, CMT), Allen Slayback (ST, 34)
Summary promoted sides

23. Rochford PIlgrims
Colours Jade and black
Nickname the Pilgrims
Manager Gerrit Schnatter (47)
Key Players Noah Wyclif (LB, 29), Loris Vanmeter (CM, 23, CMT), Narcissa Barnes (LM, 28)
Summary are all

24. Kensey Town
Colours White and orange
Nickname the Thylacines
Manager Theo Lindberg (45)
Key Players Ruth Jesper (RB, 32), Orane Warner (RM, 24)
Summary no-hopers.

by **Nephara** » Tue Nov 10, 2020 10:48 pm

Welcome to the final season of the Premiership. After today, there are 45 matches to go before the curtains draw. The new sides queue up for their ritual face-meltings at the hands of far wealthier sides. Stahlburg Rovers are the only ones to defy their fate, the Harriers go down respectably, narrowly, to the Crows, while Diamondqueen… well, they play like a recently promoted side facing off against one of the strongest club outfits assembled in the history of the spot. They try their best. But they just don’t have the space or the time to maneuvre like they had back in 1Div, and faster, fitter players with supernatural senses of anticipation cut moves out before they can start. The Diamonds didn’t come here to hoof in low crosses to be deflected fortunately into the path of Kamilla Isring, but that is how they find their lead. It doesn’t last. Yet again, Brinemouth wait ‘til the second half to find a finishing touch; yet again, it comes when required, four strikes leaving the beleagured Szarbach without a chance.

So far, so expected. But what is a rather poor sign regarding survival prospects is Iron City’s glorious return to the league after well over a decade. They were once a perennial yo-yo club, but they’ve tasted the third tier more recently than the top flight. The symptoms of the match are similar to the circumstances in Brinemouth, except it’s not Brinemouth. It’s Coret, just north. Romaine and Saara eat up everything they touch, and having each scored en route to a 3-0 lead on the hour, neither finishes out the game. Why bother? It’s sorted, even before teenage winger Paschalakis curls home an exquisite debut goal. Iron are slow enough they’re made to look sluggish by Coret, whose entire heartbeat runs at the pace of Okafor’s stroll, and barely test Coleman between the sticks. Stahlburg City play Starling, a match between the most glaring of last season’s underachievers, and Lewis Phoenix’s far-post header is enough; Cassandra Posipal’s cross sets it up, and the leftback’s former clubs, North Laithland and Belgrave, see out an elegant, gliding affair of great passing football… where the only two goals come off an airswing and a penalty-provoking handball from young Spiders centre-half Caeda Warhurst.

The First Division rolls in with an overpowering wave of ennui. But, wait! This is normal! It’s just that this time the ennui is with the crap teams like the Strongest who are going down anyway. But now there’s intrigue for mediocre sides like Rochford and Alliance Barossia, the latter of whom talked Portia Taani out of retirement or returning home at the death over the window just in time to shove an extra-tall yellow shirt over her and watch her net a decisive brace of headers against the former. Michi Leonard’s River secure a promising early result, new signing Esteve Soler notching up a goal and an assist in a 2-1 win over Cranequin; Soler’s former club, Bishop, overcome a half-time deficit to give Chatswood a rude awakening upon their return to the division. Indeed, all four relegated sides score precisely once, and none of them win.

The story is already in Stahlburg. Not even in Stahlburg, but the Rovers, tipped by all and sundry to get hammered through the season, have six points before so much as their first home game. While it was a pure smash-and-grab affair on the first week in Aries, Laurnagaray making nine saves on his debut and substitute Harriet Michail sniping home her only shot of the match, their win in Iron is a more … well, how to put this, ‘deserved’ affair. Jelena Romanov is indisputable POTM, the Savojar winger relentless in showing Anders Bowman his limitations, and it’s only fitting she carves out the only goal with a beautiful arcing strike that cuts across Olexander in the 54th. Could Reinhard Drake do it?

But at the end of the day that is just two underdogs against each other. The true underdog story of the day, most will argue, is Lienke Vesper masterminding victory ver Brinemouth. It’s lucky as hell, nobody can surely deny that, Roxana Coffey’s winner being rather generously awarded given the hand Dean Steele’s hip had in guiding it past Heuser, but dirty, gutsy, hearty play in the centre helped the Harriers gut out victory. Former Treason stalwarts Vesper and Vyntra will love that. Starling lead early against Sabrefell Moths, a first-time shot from Leif Flaxwood rising and blazing past Markgraf from well outside the box, but the Moths’ relentless pressing and harrying pays eventual dividends. So too their depth, with last season’s scapegoat Cathal Turner coming off the bench to drive home near-identical tap-ins in the 82nd and 87th minutes to clinch the win. Starling, then, remain without a point. Treason edge out Athletic through Fletcher’s insultingly simple header, Diamondqueen snatch a crowd-pleasing home point from Aries in the 96th minute courtesy of Najzar’s free kick, while Vermillion are the only side to score more than twice as they bury the Spiders 4-1.

Okay, the signs are now a little less rosy for River, who come up against Vermillion Wanderers… come up short against Vermillion Wanderers. Two minutes in, Shepherd’s low cross is swept home by Kruger; nine minutes in, Shepherd’s high cross is headed home by Kruger. Now that’s versatility. She’ll even bundle in a medium-height cross from Wharton before the end, with a Maier strike and a first senior goal for Sophara Hayes securing a 5-0 win. There’s not an excess of excitement elsewhere, five 1-0 wins, and the best goal of the round doesn’t even count. Alliance winger Szalai Fowler nips in to steal a Corvette throw, goes on a blistering run towards goal, beats Seraph and Mastiff and whips a high shot past Marisnick that should level the scores, but is called off for the minor transgression that to nip the ball off Betancourt he had to break her nose with a flying elbow. The game’s gone.

Sometimes, you just… need to be a bit of a shit to get what you want. That’s the lesson Crisisbless learn at the grubby hands of South Laithland, a side who may lack a 40-million pound embryo on the right wing, or former Galacticos, but in the dual pivot of Menat and Jurman have two brutal, bruising masters of shithousery. Oh, Moira. You thought you could nip away with the ball just by being a better and faster footballer? While your body is blocking line of sight from the referee, letting your shirt be covertly tugged without notice? Naive. Oh, Maia, sweetie, you thought you’d ever get the chance to build up a head of steam? Not with niggling fouls every step of the way. Moira Woakes eventually lashes out in her frustration, kicking at Jurman’s thigh as he trots away feigning innocence. She gets away without a red, but it doesn’t matter; Gareth Menat’s heavily, heavily deflected shot deceives Na’Kefir to give South Laithland a 78th-minute winner.

Diamondqueen look the best of the promoted sides, albeit with the easiest brief; hosting their fellows, the Harriers. It’s a first Premiership goal for Kamilla Isring, followed shortly by a second. Sort-of shortly. They’re in the 44th and 46th minutes, anyway, both crisply powered home from the corner of the box. Aries Chariots belatedly get their first win of the season in their run of the four promoted sides in succession - it’s Iron who cough up the points, but only under duress. Any questions as to whether Manahaal Brimorii was a shrewd enough striker up front for this level have decisively been anwswered, not just through a brace of thumping headers that give Iron the half-time lead, but through his all-round hold-up play and ability to interplay well with the cunning, experienced midfield behind him. But Aries show off the value of a veteran late on, Rowena Sierra coming off the bench and coming away with a brace of her own, both opportunistically plundered from mistakes of the luckless, overawed Martel Sevecke. Southfell United fans get to see their old star striker, Lyzolda Petrov, again. She gets on the scoresheet and comes up with a deft assist for Zuniga as the Moths pump them 3-0.

Leichhardt… have… already fired their manager. The season, the astute will note, is three matches old. The Stargazers’ chairman comes out quickly with a statement, merely a day after a poor 2-0 defeat in Serpentine. “A transition season is always a difficult one, both for our club and for the league structure.” Fair enough. “The nightmare scenario is back-to-back relegations; any backslide towards that needed to be nipped in the bud.” Oh. Yeah, that. Diandra Ballard arrives after a couple of years away from the game, hoping to follow in the footsteps of her WC74 teammates Vyntra and Vesper, and has in the past promoted Creed. Solitaire get a stunningly convincing victory over fellow promotes Gonen’s Bridge, four unanswered goals from four different scorers including both fullbacks, while Armstrong narrowly get the better of Greygate in a bizarre, absorbing contest that sees both sides a man down in the first half, young Greygate striker Mkrtchyan hammering a hat-trick on the losing side as Armstrong rally late with goals from Pawnbroker and Kohr to win win 6-4.

The Sabrefell derby arrives unusually early, with, as is rare, a clear favourite. The Moths have won all their matches so far; Athletic have yet to win at all. Four minutes in, the Moths have the ball in the net, Belgrade taking advantage of a neat one-two with Petrov before blasting past Garamond… offside, barely but rightly. Nine minutes in, Roesler rockets a shot against the crossbar from outside the box, not quite taking advantage of sloppy marking. The Moths must surely win. They don’t. The Rams hold the line through the first half, helped by Raluca Garamond’s flying saves and bellows at her back four, before an errant bounce in midfield is opportunistically hooked over the top by Katsura and smashed home by Benezet. Siverson comes off the bench to make it 2-0 in the 89th minute, a smash-and-grab win. Markgraf doesn’t even make a save, and Adalheid Metzelder looks disgusted with it all.

At least the Moths came out swinging. Treason go down flat, a “frankly shameful” performance in the words of Cheney Bittencourt, as Crisisbless run roughshod over them. Maybe they worked a little too hard on getting Vincent Robshaw hyped up for the occasion - he’s booked in the 33rd minute and again to be sent off in the 37th, both for largely identical scything challenges on Mercurio Kastriot, a man who knows rather better how to hack at someone and get away with it. But they can’t blame him for everything; Spijkers and Marinkovic have the Heelers up 2-0 by then, and a shot from Woakes is uncharacteristically spilled by Clavel for Marinkovic to drive home towards the end. The Rovers play each other. It’s dismal, and not worth talking about, outside that the Rovers are now on seven points from three away fixtures through Talay’s late strike, while Starling lose track of a win over Crisisbless United when Smordal, uncharacteristically, loses track of a cross, wanders into the path of his own defender Berg and gets flattened. Laursen equalises from the loose ball, Smordal limps off in a concussed daze and backup ‘keeper Romola Carolan concedes twice more in the last 16 minutes to give the suddenly-clinical Chequers a 3-1 win.

Diandra Ballard’s first task as Leichhardt manager is to mastermind victory over a Solitaire side sky-high in confidence with nothing to lose, fresh off hammering Bridge 4-0. It immediately goes wrong; Solitaire’s first shot on target, courtesy of former Dartmouth winger Keshet Brenner, flies true and sails past a flat-footed Laczko, who has already picked up a fun nickname: ‘the Statue’. But he redeems himself minutes later when Brenner plays Coen in past the last man - Laczko flies in and comes away with the ball, barely releasing it in time as his momentum takes him out of the box and scrambling to his feet just in time to send the ball down the left, where Arbizu plays in Klempner to level the scores. With Whitespire’s header off Arbizu’s corner, Leichhardt secure victory late on. Bishop bulldoze the Strongest through four lethal counterattacks, taking clinical advantage of increased desperation, while Tremeka Godwin nets all four unanswered goals against Alliance to open her account for the season in spectacular fashion.

Sean Smordal is rushed back into the field for Starling, and just in time; the Passerines have Corvistone next up, a rival for the Challengers Cup places. More importantly, a rival in narrative - have likable Starling been outshone and outsmarted by plastic bastards Corvistone? Well… on the evidence of tonight… it starts out bad, a defensive miscalculation making fools of the Passerines. Berg thinks Kaba’s got it. Kaba thinks Berg’s got it. Smordal thinks he’s got it. None of it’s true. Tanith Carter has it, nipping between the three of them and sliding a casual finish past Smordal. Poor marking from a corner allows Tristan Niedermayer to head home the Crows’ second, but inspired by Lisa Amos’ cursing and berating from the touchline, the Passerines get it together. Duchemin forces Feldman into a sharp double save, Flaxwood hits the crossbar before Nicki Stone slips past two markers and drives home her first goal for her new club, just on the stroke of half-time. Does it have a galvanising effect? Yes. On Corvistone. Carter steals a brace, then a hat-trick, by the hour mark; two opportunistic tap-ins, as Ulreich and Karvelas curl in more technically impressive strikes from the wings.

Elsewhere, Vincent Robshaw opens his account for Treason in spectacular fashion. It’s a boon for the Stags, facing a Coret side operating with rare discipline under Daniel Archer. Indeed, Coret should have been ahead - twice Romaine, playing alone up front, was through on goal, but twice he put his shots too close to Clavel. And that means Robshaw’s entirely self-created chance, well… who can be blamed when the man puts his boot through the ball hard enough to leave a crack in the crossbar as it flies past Coleman. Brinemouth think they have an edge on Vermillion, who injuries have already forced to call up 18-year old leftback Radeka Lind. Lukas Tauscher licks his lips. Lukas Tauscher doesn’t get a goal or an assist; Lind gets one of each, racing up and down the flanks with frantic energy, and only a late scramble converted by Saitou gives Brinemouth a share of the spoils on home soil. Parrhesia pummel Harriers 3-0 away - they certainly haven’t started as slow as they did last season - with Celustka looking motivated for once, while a six-pointer in central Sabrefell sees Belgrave edge Diamondqueen by dint of Andrea Krause’s brace and Najzar’s missed penalty.

The Premiership’s been sleeping on Goodfeather striker Tremeka Godwin. Perhaps not now, since Godwin, following a brace against the Strongest that puts her at eight goals on the season and extends her lead as top scorer, puts out a Twii declaring: ‘Premiership sleeping on me @TGodderz10 !!’ followed by tagging every single Premiership side, with a single fire emoji in between each tag. Actually, not every; she excludes the seven who qualified for IFCF last season, so at least she has some sense of realism. Anyway, the histrionics aside, the Quakers still fucking cane the alleged Strongest 4-0. The River-are-chokers narrative is emboldened when they fail to break down the gates of 10-man Rochford for 64 minutes, while Cranequin goalkeeper Shanna Cotton gets so irritated with online trolling about her shakiness this season that she has the offending tweets printed onto a jersey, wearing it against Solitaire. And then drops a Brenner cross that allows Mordhau to score an easy equaliser late on.

Vermillion Rage, understandably, hand another start to Radeka Lind. The teenager comes up with another two assists, free to surge forward relentlessly against a Diamondqueen side permanently on the back foot. Apart from a single goal, where Szarbach, under pressure from Bestatter, passes straight to Mrdja - oops! - the Diamonds’ goalkeeper is blameless, arguably their best player in the 6-0 defeat. Speaks volumes, no? And it’s a brutally unhappy homecoming for Diamonds striker Ursa Kinbois, who swapped shirts with Maersk and just kind of… stared longingly into the orange shirt for a while, seeming to reminisce.

In Starling, this feels decisive. Not … on the surface. But sixty-five minutes into the game, Brinemouth leading 1-0 through a clever bit of interplay slotted home neatly by Tauscher, some guy in the crowd clears his throat and shouts: “Amos out!” It starts a fight. But… you can see where he’s coming from. Starling failed to test Heuser in the last half-hour, and slump to a fifth defeat in six. A fifth defeat. In six. Starling. They have had a tough draw of things so far, in fairness, but Amos shakes her head post-match when a guy throws her the bone. “It shouldn’t matter. We should look to win every game, regardless.” Similar thoughts from Cheney Bittencourt, tossed an easy game - hosting Stahlburg Rovers - and only narrowly beating them. “Against a real team, there’s no way we’d come away with a point.” Maybe a little too blunt, there. Coret’s good start continues with a decisive win in Stahlburg against City, Athletic concede a 90th-minute equaliser against Crisisbless United only to have Tomlinson drive home a 93rd-minute winner, while Iron get their first Premiership win in ages in somewhat dubious circumstances.

River in crisis? Nahhh. Try Corvette in crisis. The Maulers have lost their last three games 3-0, 2-0 and now 4-0, former Starling playmaker Darren Halfhill looking somewhere between jaded and terrible as their supposed talisman and withdrawn before the hour. Emilien Marisnick is going from one of the league’s most promising stoppers to letting everything through, striker Brummer is yet to hit the ground running (or, you know, score) and whenever they call on the bench, the replacement is some terrible 22-year old hick nobody’s ever heard of. Brookford and Chatswood, early pace-setters hoping to make an immediate Premiership return, play off in a classy affair that does, indeed, look like a lower-Premiership duel. Chatswood lead in the 12th through Herron’s header, Brookford pull back through the electric winger Waters in the 19th, but Otters midfielder Foster settles the affair with a thunderous free kick from 30 yards that powers past Williams to secure the points late on.

It’s time to give some love to Coret. Famously flaky, yes. Horribly imbalanced as a squad, yes. But Daniel Archer has added some much-needed pragmatism to the side, even making deeply unpalatable calls where necessary. Going for one up front against Treason almost paid off and now he rests Kizza Okafor, his captain and easily his best player, for the visit of the Moths. “We knew they’d come up at us hard, with pace,” he reasons to the press. “We needed water-carriers to survive, before springing forward at pace.” So it went; a double pivot of Lexmann and Bezemer was devoid of creativity, but it did largely keep the Moths out of dangerous positions. A single moment of inspiration from Roesler gave Morgenstern the opening to drive home the opener, but the Hawks held their nerve and, sure enough, gaps opened up in the second half. Romaine and Muse Blackburn, an early revelation of the season, snatched the win. Coret are nestled towards the top of the table.

Treason’s Achilles heel thus far has been goals. They aren’t scoring any. John Fletcher is their leading scorer on two, and as he’s rested against Iron City, replacement Felix Sebastian (and his replacement, Coxeter) fail to find the target. Iron throw bodies at everything, Olexander makes seven often spectacular, if ugly, reflex saves, and Brimorii gets the better of Murje to crash home a late header. Brimorii’s third goal, one will note. Athletic seem to salve their concerns with a clinical 5-1 victory, but it’s important to note that Corvistone played over an hour with ten men following Calcipher Heston’s cynical leg-breaker early on; Stahlburg City surprise nobody by winning the derby in fairly comfortable fashion, goalkeeper Xander Rosmarin pantomime-yawning and doing stretches in a routine 2-0 win over the Rovers. Romanov almost wipes the smug smile off his face by chipping home from past halfway… but the ball bounces off the top of the crossbar and over.

You know what managers appreciate? Consistency. Cranequin Wanderers, for example, earn their fourth consecutive 1-1 draw when Butcher’s penalty salvages a hardly-deserved point against Leichhardt. But then, there’s something to be said for a bit of unpredictability; take Armstrong, usual models of dour defensive solidity, totally losing their shit in a 3-0 hammering by Brookford. Virtanen, the most boring-reliable goalkeeper in the league, is beaten by Waters at his near post. The other two goals come off set pieces. Gratia Barker looks a tired woman, by the end. The Strongest put five past Greygate, two from enterprising leftback March, while Pillars of Southfell finally scrape a win through a dodgy penalty. So what if Hana Yorke tripped Barossia goalkeeper Ran at the ankles late on, ensuring Tollett’s desperate strike would beat her? “Yorke wasn’t offside at the time,” Seekers manager Kay Meriweathre says, enigmatically. Then winks.

The Vermillion derby is a fiery occasion, but it’s over by the end of the first half; a tangle of arms between Moyer and Spitz on the left flank doesn’t stop the Vermillion winger digging out a cross for Traudl Mrdja to trap on her chest and smash past Laisne as it comes down, and similarly classy, decisive efforts from Fleetwood and Farrier mean that Rage can laugh off the minor injury of Jonte Bestatter and continue to claim top spot. Brinemouth and the Moths win in still more impressive fashion - the Dockers bludgeoning a disjointed, dispirited Athletic 3-0, the Moths pummeling Stahlburg Rovers 6-1 - to round out the top three, Coret (Coret???) fourth in spite of defeat in the Laith, while Crisisbless United’s narrow victory in the Crisisbless derby comes through a disputed, decisive penalty and puts them seventh. After some initial scepticism, Andressa Stand is the toast of the red-and-black side of the city following her goal, assist, and … well, let’s say coaxing the final handball from Teffeteller, who was outraged after the game with a perception the ball was drilled directly and intentionally into her wrist. Which it was. Crisisbless, Corvistone and Athletic are mired in midtable following their defeats, but it could be worse. For instance...

A dull 1-1 draw in Starling represents two things. For one, Olwen North’s deflected hit-and-hope leveller - not unwarranted on the passage of play - snaps Chenoworth Harriers’ run of five straight defeats, though it keeps them mired at the bottom of the table. Second, it means that Starling… are occupying the relegation playoff place. Yes, key players in the spine Berg and Roebling are injured, but it shouldn’t matter that much. They just look… strangely sluggish. Four of the clubs occupying the bottom five are the sides who just came up, of whom Diamondqueen are the only ones to win; Danitha Najzar’s clever work in the centre of the park forces openings for Bowman, then substitute Bronwyn Forrest, to lash home shots from the edge of the box past Southfell keeper Gavaris; the Tanners are inexplicably second-last so far.

Brookford Otters are not surprising front-runners, as things stand, though it’s a position they’ve achieved in striking fashion. The only unbeaten side remaining, some rotation against Alliance Barossia sees second-string forwards struggle to bring down the fort, but a hit-and-hope effort from Morwen deflects fortituously off Durrig, and Turner reacts fastest to drive home the only goal of the game. That extends a five-point gap at the top; Chatswood, nearest rivals, are tight at the back but show their teeth in a 5-0 evisceration of the Strongest, with Cypher, Vermillion and, surprisingly, a miserly Corinthians No Longer still in the hunt with wins; with how tight things are, Goodfeather’s defeat to River sees them fall from 2nd to 6th.

Remember that the bottom nine will go down automatically. So that’s pretty bad news already for Pillars of Southfell, easily bested by North Sabrefell to be cut four points adrift at the bottom. But the Bohemians, as things stand, would go down; the win was deceptively vital, Lukas Sparr’s first full season in charge going to a rocky start, but the decisive, direct attacking play finds reward through Beckwith and their talisman Laramee. Corvette Maulers are the other standout name currently slated for the drop, though in terms of trajectory, well, it’s been coming. A win over Mantlegrove gives some breathing room, Tania Brummer finally getting off the mark with a brace. Greygate, as things stand, will stay up. They’ve actually scored 15 goals, thus far… but have conceded the second-most goals in the league, raising questions about how sustainable it really is.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage          8  6  1  1  22   7  +15  19
  2 Brinemouth               8  6  1  1  22   8  +14  19
  3 Sabrefell Moths          8  5  1  2  16   8   +8  16
  4 Coret Hawks              8  5  1  2  14   7   +7  16
  5 AFC Treason              8  5  1  2   7   5   +2  16
  6 Aries Chariots           8  4  3  1  16  12   +4  15
  7 Crisisbless United       8  4  1  3  13  13   +0  13
  8 Newrook City             8  3  3  2  11   9   +2  12
  9 Stahlburg City           8  3  3  2   8   7   +1  12
 10 Chenoworth Rovers        8  2  5  1   9   6   +3  11
 11 Sabrefell Athletic       8  3  2  3  11  10   +1  11
 12 AFC Corvistone           8  3  2  3  11  10   +1  11
 13 South Laithland          8  3  2  3  10  10   +0  11
 14 Crisisbless              8  2  4  2  12   8   +4  10
 15 Belgrave                 8  3  1  4  10  10   +0  10
 16 Parrhesia United         8  3  1  4  13  14   -1  10
 17 North Laithland          8  3  1  4  10  13   -3  10
 18 Creed United             8  2  3  3   5   8   -3   9
 19 Starling                 8  2  1  5   8  14   -6   7
 20 Stahlburg Rovers         8  2  1  5   5  14   -9   7
 21 Diamondqueen             8  2  1  5   7  20  -13   7
 22 Iron City                8  2  0  6   4  12   -8   6
 23 Southfell United         8  1  2  5   6  15   -9   5
 24 Chenoworth Harriers      8  1  1  6   7  17  -10   4

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookford Otters           8  6  2  0  21  10  +11  20
  2 Chatswood                  8  5  0  3  12   5   +7  15
  3 Cypher Town                8  4  3  1  10   5   +5  15
  4 Vermillion Wanderers       8  4  2  2  15   8   +7  14
  5 Corinthians No Longer      8  4  2  2   9   7   +2  14
  6 Goodfeather FC             8  4  1  3  20  11   +9  13
  7 Raven River                8  3  4  1  10   9   +1  13
  8 Chardonnay Rangers         8  3  3  2  11   9   +2  12
  9 AFC Serpentine             8  3  3  2  12  12   +0  12
 10 Armstrong                  8  4  0  4  10  12   -2  12
 11 Mantlegrove                8  3  2  3   8   7   +1  11
 12 Leichhardt                 8  3  2  3   8   8   +0  11
 13 Cranequin Wanderers        8  2  4  2   8   8   +0  10
 14 Greygate                   8  3  1  4  15  18   -3  10
 15 Alliance Barossia          8  3  1  4   7  11   -4  10
 16 Corvette Maulers           8  3  1  4   6  13   -7  10
 17 AFC Rochford               8  2  3  3  13  11   +2   9
 18 Bishop                     8  2  3  3  11  13   -2   9
 19 The Strongest              8  3  0  5  10  21  -11   9
 20 Barossia United            8  2  2  4  11  12   -1   8
 21 North Sabrefell            8  2  2  4   9  10   -1   8
 22 Aries Solitaire            8  2  2  4  11  13   -2   8
 23 Gonen's Bridge             8  2  2  4   7  13   -6   8
 24 Pillars of Southfell       8  1  1  6   7  15   -8   4

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            8  7  0  1  14   5   +9  21
  2 Locksley                  8  6  2  0  23   7  +16  20
  3 Autumnstone               8  5  1  2  14   6   +8  16
  4 Hackett                   8  5  1  2  12   5   +7  16
  5 Peregrine                 8  5  0  3  17  13   +4  15
  6 Morningstar               8  4  3  1  13   9   +4  15
  7 Ritter Town               8  4  2  2  13   8   +5  14
  8 Dartmouth Terriers        8  4  2  2  11   7   +4  14
  9 Falston United            8  4  1  3  14  15   -1  13
 10 Crisisbless Athletic      8  3  3  2  12   9   +3  12
 11 Lazuli Diamonds           8  4  0  4  13  11   +2  12
 12 Boltcroft Thorns          8  3  2  3  10   9   +1  11
 13 Ballardine FC             8  3  1  4   9   9   +0  10
 14 West Brinemouth           8  2  4  2  10  12   -2  10
 15 Sheridan                  8  2  3  3  10  11   -1   9
 16 Extreme Hills             8  2  3  3  10  12   -2   9
 17 Riverkey                  8  2  2  4   7   8   -1   8
 18 Ingram Township           8  2  2  4   6  11   -5   8
 19 Stonegrave                8  2  1  5   4  13   -9   7
 20 Mapleford                 8  2  1  5  10  21  -11   7
 21 Rochford Pilgrims         8  1  3  4   8  17   -9   6
 22 Gosmouth Swans            8  1  2  5   7  14   -7   5
 23 Kensey Town               8  1  2  5   7  14   -7   5
 24 The Hanged Man            8  0  3  5   4  12   -8   3

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                         P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Southriver                   8  6  1  1   9   1   +8  19
  2 Lockheed Zenith              8  6  1  1  11   5   +6  19
  3 Brokenarch                   8  6  0  2  14   9   +5  18
  4 New Oakstone Phoenix         8  5  2  1  24  12  +12  17
  5 Kommissar                    8  5  0  3  10   7   +3  15
  6 Coret Rovers                 8  4  3  1  10   9   +1  15
  7 East Laithland Harriers      8  4  2  2  16   9   +7  14
  8 Caldwick Strand              8  4  2  2   9   7   +2  14
  9 AFC Shale                    8  4  1  3  11   7   +4  13
 10 Martella Jazz                8  4  0  4  18  14   +4  12
 11 Strephonage                  8  4  0  4  15  17   -2  12
 12 Brindleton                   8  3  2  3   9   7   +2  11
 13 Corvistone City              8  3  1  4   5   6   -1  10
 14 West Hook                    8  3  1  4   6   9   -3  10
 15 Crownsend Journey            8  3  0  5  15  16   -1   9
 16 Hartford Glade               8  2  2  4  14  10   +4   8
 17 Cranequin Souths             8  2  2  4  10  15   -5   8
 18 Lindmark Falcons             8  2  2  4  10  16   -6   8
 19 Crossroads Town              8  2  2  4   9  15   -6   8
 20 Riverkey Shells              8  2  2  4  10  17   -7   8
 21 Northside Eagles             8  2  1  5  11  16   -5   7
 22 Ringway                      8  2  1  5   6  16  -10   7
 23 Sirencall FC                 8  1  2  5   7  13   -6   5
 24 Constance Park               8  1  2  5   6  12   -6   5

by **Nephara** » Mon Nov 16, 2020 6:29 pm

Bibgate overtakes any actual event of relevance this week. Head over to Creed - not something you’d ever want to do for non-footballing reasons, I know - and to Stahlburg City’s visit. Catheline Harper is Creed manager. Stahlburg Rovers legend. AFC Treason legend. So, she hates City and City hate her. Unfortunately, substantial quantities of City’s gear goes missing en route to the match, for reasons opaque to anyone; no balls, no bibs. They go out to warm up on the pitch before the match. Creed are a Premiership side; there should be plenty of supplies on hand. No? The referee tosses them a few match-balls before Creed intervene, stop them getting more balls, any cones or bibs. City’s players are outraged; Harper can be overheard talking shit about how they really should just get their own stuff together. So, what, do they do shirts vs. skins? Linde Rostock starts to take her shirt off, but the referee stops her. Vanessa Rossum throws up her hands in frustration. This is stupid. This is stupid. Dorian Ballard steals a bunch of Creed’s water bottles to use as cones, and a bunch of players rip their shirts off when the exasperated referee isn’t looking. They do some possession game, but perhaps their heart isn’t really in it; Creed centre-half Kund Borbely bundles home the only goal of the game 53 minutes in off Barbarouses’ corner.

Southfell visit the Harriers in a battle of the bottom two, a must-win for both sides. The Harriers have two goals chalked off in a goalless first half, Ascalon’s correctly for handball, Girardi’s more dubiously for offside. Southfell, abysmal until the interval, rally to win; two shots on target, two goals. That sounds clinical except that they had thirteen shots in total, but they still limp across the line despite Coffey’s late consolation. Coret actually are clinical, with Istria Saara capping off her welcome return to form with a hat-trick. And then an injury. Can’t win ‘em all. North Laithland get the best-of-seven against a surprisingly clinical Stahlburg Rovers undone by errors at the back, while Danitha Najzar misses what looks like Diamondqueen’s last chance at an equaliser from the penalty spot, before winning and converting another four minutes later to sink the Rams.

Chatswood have one of those days against Barossia United. Conleth wins an early penalty but gets too cute, tries to loft it over Maela Ran, watches on in dismay as the keeper just… stands there and plucks it out. Armstrong’s reputation for defensive solidity is evaporating; Alliance punch three goals past them by half-time, the little-and-fucking-massive combination of Remeikis and Taani paying dividends. Two knockdowns converted smoothly by the former South Laithland striker, with a third and final killing blow coming from Kurtis Bristoll, with a throwback late arrival into the box. You almost forgot he was in his mid-30s as he crushed Fowler’s cutback into the bottom corner, but really, someone ought to have stopped him. North Sabrefell earn a lifeline against Greygate through Numenen’s half-volley, while Cypher Town climb to second thanks to centre-half Meulenstein’s headed brace off set plays against Bridge.

Crisisbless and Brinemouth are the standout favourites for the league. Only Brinemouth have looked the part so far, though; Crisisbless have actually drawn a majority of their games thus far. It’s a feisty affair, and one can sense the frustration in the Crisisbless fans and indeed players. They come eager to spoil and hack and harry, and nobody - not Spijkers, not Woakes - is above it. That’s a good thing, it does them credit, and it earns them the first goal when Woakes puts her feet through Kasmiir and Spijkers curls home the loose ball despite understandable protestations from the Dockers. Jackson almost levels on the verge of half-time, but Na’Kefir tips over at full stretch; not to worry, as Jackson plays provider with a low, scything cross for Tauscher to rifle home fluidly 51 minutes in. Crisisbless get back ahead in the 87th minute, against the run of play; Spijkers races free on the break, found by a long ball from Kastriot, and … ‘invites contact’ from Close. Penalty given, penalty slotted away by Germain… only for Brinemouth to pull back level in injury time, an ugly scramble off a corner that burly centre-half Dean Steele somehow forces through a sea of bodies. Crisisbless’ trend continues with draw number six. For Brinemouth, a point gained more than two lost.

Crisisbless United recover from a comically awful start. ‘Alphonse 3’ (og)’ doesn’t do it justice; the centre-half, pressed by Radcliffe, tries to send it back to goalkeeper Lazareva. He blindly hits it a little too hard and a little too far from her; Lazareva’s studs get caught in the turf, and she falls over, helpless to stop the ball rolling in. Evidently, though, that just makes the Chequers mad; they’re 5-1 up by half-time, Huang’s late consolation not even really that. Starling capitulate late against Belgrave, passing the ball around confidently, missing any chance to put the sword to porous opposition… and being made to pay through a brace of Strand headers and a beautifully-hit free kick from Tarran Seamster. Early pace-setters Rage put down the Chariots without Hartnett so much as facing a shot on target; Jonte Bestatter extends his case as the greatest free transfer of all time with his eighth goal in ten games. Surely it’s unsustainable, but...

Props to Barossia United: they beat Chatswood when they were second, and now they’ve inflicted Brookford’s first defeat of the season. Hardly a smash-and-grab, either; Brookford had most of the ball, but Barossia always looked comfortable, never let them into the box, and Ran easily dealt with shots from distance. Ulrike Jensen scored first, lashing home when Serduchka’s cross was badly misjudged and allowed to bounce in the box, before Saturn Mastiff, veteran midfielder and undoubted player of the match, smashed home the second from distance with violent force. Chatswood lose again, Bohemians midfielder Lothar Zander with an imperious performance capped off by a masterful assist for Geist, while Serpentine’s late equaliser is soured somewhat when striker Alyssa Greening celebrates her impressive half-volley with a somersault that lands badly and winds up knocking her ankle out of commission for a few weeks.

Coret have earned a reputation early in the season for taking on the best sides, toe-to-toe, using discipline and grit. But one suspects Daniel Archer might have hyped up the lads a bit too much, today… the lack of creativity between Lexmann and Bezemer costs them as they’re constantly pressed into errors, and the overzealous pressing leads to foul after foul. That’s a viable strategy when you need to break your opponents’ momentum. That’s not a viable strategy when rue Cazade puts two free kicks into the top corner before the first half is out. Not that letting Brinemouth run rampant does much better; Deventer makes it three before the hour, Ivan Bader’s sent off for a reckless challenge on Tauscher, Jackson heads home number four and substitutes Keldoulis and Stancil finish the job. 6-0: a demolition.

Stahlburg Rovers have shown more teeth this season than they’ve been given credit for. Reinhard Drake deserves credit for instilling a front-foot mentality across the side, legitimately pressuring their opponents even in defeat. It’s that kind of pressure that sees Corvistone defender and Nephara international Cedella Verlander’s pocket picked twelve minutes in, not noticing the manlet Huang stealing in behind her; a confident finish puts the Rovers up 1-0, a lead they hold to the break. After which, Hanning gets sent off, Kaveci gives away a penalty, Romanov curls one in direct from a corner and the hope Ulreich gives is wiped out by a towering header from substitute Rook Middleton, his first Premiership goal. Southfell show more than a few signs of life in a 3-0 evisceration of Belgrave, Chariots keeper Fasolt Senninger denies his hometown club time and again as they beat the Stags 1-0, while Diamondqueen ride their luck against Crisisbless, lucky not to concede a penalty in the first half, luckier still that Abylon missed one in the second. Starling lose to Vermillion Rage. They are now, unaccountably, 21st.

Serpentine overcome Goodfeather, mildly surprising, with the aid of a fish, somewhat more surprising. Leyland Brincat, Goodfeather’s goalkeeper is… well, he’s high-strung. The kind who bounds up to his feet to berate his defence for every goal that gets past him, including when, say, Oriane Marc just beats him at his near post, as happens for the opener. Though Goodfeather pull back level, some enterprising home fan sees him too easy a target and, uh, how exactly did he get a fish in there? Hurled fish smacks Brincat in the back of the head; Brincat, not overreacting at all, clambers over the hoardings to fight approximately the entire active support section at once. He’s thrown back down onto the pitch and sent off; the Dragons score twice more to win when their momentum was flagging. Yolanda Sparrow runs the show for Mantlegrove, and chalks up assists on all four unanswered goals in a cataclysmic destruction of Pillars, while a Three Sisters derby between the clubs-named-Barossia sees more red cards than goals, former Premiership veteran midfielders Bristoll and Mastiff getting into a delicious little punch-up in the centre of the pitch.

It is also not the last season of the NFA Cup, though it’s the last time the first round will take this precise form, for better or worse. One knock-on effect of the restructures means that the Third Division will be fully professional, not a weird blend of pros and semi-pros and full-time teams across the league. Little to report, so early - though take a moment to admire the uselessness of Seierstad’s penalty takers, who miss all three of their attempts. Not even saved. Missed. Crossroads Town don’t do much better in defeat to Martella Jazz - 2-1 on penalties after a fairly sad affair. Both these sides were 1Div outfits not so long ago.

The Rams have been faltering of late, but this is… well, this is something special. They host Belgrave, a side who could nominally overtake them on the ladder but only with something ridiculous like victory by a five-goal margin. Victory against a banana skin would help set the Rams back on the right path, and… and there’s really no point pretending there was any suspense in the game, at all. Things went wrong almost immediately, Reniira Clevinger wincing and limping off after stretching for a tackle resulted in a calf strain. Theodore Sigismund replaces her. A former Galactico! A former Galactico from a long time ago. And, yeah, the years are showing; he misses a tackle as Krause whirls by him to lash home the first, and he’s simply outpaced and outmuscled by Strand as he drives home the third. Kotaro Katsura pulls one back against his old club shortly before half-time, but 24-year old leftback Ava Washington scores her first Premiership goal in injury-time. Athletic nearly get some glimmer of hope, a frankly luscious no-look pass from drifting forward Benezet feeding Tomlinson, who smashes home … from a marginally offside position, if at all. But the goal is chalked off, and Strand and Krause complete braces soon after. Athletic slide to the bottom half. Belgrave leapfrog them to 12th on goal difference.

Crisisbless are another listing giant; they go down to a disappointing defeat as well, though a significantly less spectacular one. The Harriers’ aging wingers, Coffey and Exarchopolous, each get on the scoresheet with curling strikes on the edges of the penalty area, while seven fine-to-inspired saves from Claire Libuda help the Harriers over the line. Newrook come out best in a seven-goal thriller against Parrhesia; unfortunately, Voeller’s red card with twenty minutes to play doesn’t open up the game, but rather shuts it down as City switch to a hard-nosed defensive approach. It pays off. Hated rivals Stahlburg City and Treason play out a typically bad-tempered 1-1 draw, the highlight coming when Ferena Rauch ‘accidentally’ stands on Marita Neuwirth’s thigh with both studded feet for about ten seconds, Neuwirth resolutely clamping down her lip and refusing to cry out, the referee not noticing, while Vermillion suffer an abrupt and violent reverse, shattered 4-0 by Southfell, for whom 20-year old striker Petrarch Corbay enjoyed a brace and a breakthrough in his first start. Not, one suspects, his last.

A hard-fought but surprisingly clean Northern Vale derby sees Maulers playmaker Darren Halfhill run the show - a former Starling man, he’s intimately aware of what it means to hate Leichhardt - but Auburn Daescher wins the plaudits. A lean young midfielder, full of drive and with a hammer of a left foot, she scores both decisive second-half goals just by pinging to the corners from distance, a couple of beautiful grass-cutters. She celebrates post-match with a delightful interview, talking about how ‘delicious’ it was to ‘beat the tar out of the ‘gazers’ in her disgusting hick Vale accent. Internet darling status: secure. Cap her, Dani. Chatswood massacre Chardonnay Rangers with four unanswered goals, while North Sabrefell do much the same to Alliance but with far more style. 70 minutes in: 0-0. 80 minutes in: 1-0. 90 minutes in: 3-0. FT: 4-0. Suffiice to say, Kaisa Gyldenstroem arriving off the bench in the 68th minute does not feel like a coincidence.

Oh, dear. Stahlburg Rovers have been somewhat anarchic already this season, but this really is a little much. Ten minutes in, things are fairly tranquil in central Sabrefell… and then a penalty’s called against Stahlburg when Svennsdottir’s hand intercepts a . Luckless more than stupid, but stonewall in any case; Auregarray saves, but the rebound goes straight back to Najzar, who just slots home at the second time of asking. And from there, chaos reigns. A free kick from Najzar thunders off the crossbar and is inadvertently headed in by Macellan; a Huang header makes it 2-1, another Huang header makes it 2-2 before Jelena Romanov skins Pfeiffer and drives home a diffident third for the Rovers. Two minutes later, Diamondqueen think they’ve levelled, but Kinbois was offside when she played in Isring. Two minutes after that, Isring sets up Kinbois to score, and this time, onside. 4-3 in first-half injury time, Rowles with a mishit cross that arcs over Auregarray.

So far, so even - but the near-equilibrium breaks, along with Lapwing’s ankle, following a dreadful challenge from Rook Middleton. She’s off, he’s off, Stahlburg are down to ten… and almost immediately score, the Diamonds slow to react to a throw-in, Sebring quick to hook it over the top, Radcliffe chesting down and stroking home through a heavy deflection off Harker’s thigh. Harker and Szarbach blame one another, loudly; they’re still going off by the time that, 86 seconds later, Max Rusnak smashes home the fifth for the Diamonds; Forrest and Nisiotis come off the bench to finish the job late on, with Rovers by now scattered and broken. The Laithland derby is usually friendly, but here, downright placid - nobody even really looks upset when Sadler races to the far post and crashes home an inspired long ball from Lundell to secure the game - while the Rage are left disappointed by failing to beat the Rams at home, Cralt-Nirlo telling the press “we need to beat midtable opposition if we’re to sustain this top four push.” With a straight face, even.

Two surprising shows from sides not content to accept their destiny… and more worrying signs at an Armstrong side that seem to have melted between years. Would a great defence concede to a corner within two minutes? Would a great defence allow itself to be split open to such a point where Ulrike Jensen, who turns 33 next week, can just beat Asbjornsson in a foot-race and hammer home past Virtanen on the edge of the box? Jensen flicks on for Serduchka to make it 3-0 for Barossia United by half-time, and while the Paladins shape up in the second half, that’s all they’re able to do. Greygate, for their parts, continue to show their teeth. Who really expected Brandon Mkr… Brandon Mkrtch… who really expected Greygate’s young striker to hit the ground running? And yet his brace marks goals seven and eight of the season in a 4-0 thumping of Serpentine, one of whose sides who could, conceivably, let their heads dip below the waterline.

Athletic and Starling have both made appalling starts to the season, but given the open nature of the year so far either or both could still work their way back to the IFCF places. So there’s plenty of intrigue when the Passerines come to the former capital, and understandably given recent results and the daunting task ahead, Lisa Amos rolls the dice. Gisella Riaz returns for a first start of the season. This time last season she had twelve. Maybe she was the wrong scapegoat, and an early, clever goal, enabled by a deft flick over Reinhardt’s head, goes some way to making that case. Usual suspect Daniel Dostalok makes it 2-0 on the half-hour, before playing provider for Flaxwood, who can only fire into a maze of bodies… not to worry, as Nicki Stone picks up where he left off and chips the stranded keeper Garamond. 3-0 down by the half; the fans have turned on the Rams, who perform better in the second half. Violet Siverson pulls a goal back, but perhaps misjudges the audience, celebrating a trifle hard and ducking under a shower of hurled coins. Perhaps that kills Athletic’s motivation to fight back. 3-1 it ends.

Any dream the Hawks had of passing for ‘defensively solid’ has melted away. The first half, sure, that ends scoreless, but Parrhesia smash them for four in the second half, Elsebeth Celustka’s diffident brilliance claiming another kill. North Laithland get one over their hated rivals Treason, a sharp technical performance backed by real teeth in midfield. Both goals may have come off set plays, well-worked ones, but 1) those still count and 2) in any case they reflected the run of play, though a genuinely spectacular double save from Stovar Krieven late on stopped Bobby Malone making things interesting late on.The promoted sides play off; Stahlburg Rovers get an invaluable win over the Harriers through Huang’s continued good form and defensive midfielder Vanderlei’s continued ability to ignore the ravages of time, while Diamondqueen overturn Iron’s deficit on the hour, when goalscorer Xandra Vermouth gets herself sent off and the Diamonds’ army of small, incisive technicians takes ruthless advantage of the space.

Just as they were threatening to look competent, Raven River throw things away. 2-0 up by half-time over The Strongest, defensive midfielder Octavia Zahra has a horror five minutes to open the second half, first having a shot from Korchnoi deflect heavily off her and past Carver, then getting sent off for a vicious lunge on opposite number Gervase Ascham. From there, The Strongest work their way into the ascendancy through brute force, powerhouse striker Kylene Rotariu not scoring herself but opening gaps in the line through her powerful hold-up play, leaving space for Nizarut and Masters to seal the win. There’s another damaging defeat for Serpentine and another statement of intent from Chatswood; three goals for the Woodsmen, zero shots on target for the Dragons, who just look an eroded shadow of what they were, while Brookford finally fail to fire in Mantlegrove thanks in no small part to Dryads goalkeeper Arneth Kolaghan.

The opener here should, were there poetic justice in the world, have come through Shiloh Morgenstern’s exquisite scorpion-kick on the verge of half-time… but the keeper tips it over the bar. Pity. As it stands, the only goal of the game comes through Brabanzon heading home Roesler’s free kick late on, just about edging a rather flat affair.

Brinemouth fans must barely believe their eyes. Okay, so defeat to lowly-but-resilient Chenoworth Rovers, who lean on their goalkeeper Dundalk and benefit from a spectacular Vithoulkas scissor-kick, wasn’t great, but they retain a four-point lead on the Rage and eleven-point lead on their nearest realistic title challengers, the Moths. The rest of the top four is no less chaotic; the Rage draw with Crisisbless (more on them later…), North Laithland are beaten 2-0 by Stahlburg City (who move up to 5th) and the Chariots draw the Moths, with lowly Diamondqueen rounding out the IFCF places despite a poor goal difference as Marduk Schmetzer’s goal is enough to take down Creed. Corvistone and Treason hover just outside, after both draw midtable opposition; Coret’s dawn looks now to be false, though a clean 2-0 win in Belgrave is nothing to sniff at.

Raluca Garamond’s confidence is shot. Southfell winger Lissa Anselm tests her with what should be an easy save from distance, no matter how much power on the shot; Garamond parries it back into the path of Kuzener, who drives in the rebound. Okay, so that explains one goal, but it’s sheer sluggishness in midfield and indifferent defending that betrays Athletic for the other three. Yeah, that’s right; Southfell 4-0 Athletic, and that leaves the Rams 20th. If the season ended now, they would be relegated. A side with Kotaro Katsura, Thibault Benezet, Reece Lucas… are level on points with Crisisbless. Wait, Crisisbless? Yeah, they’re 17th on 17 points but somehow have a positive goal difference and just three wins. Title challenge already toast, you’d imagine. Who else isn’t doing so crash-hot? Well, Creed United’s defeat leaves them fourth-last, normally the playoff place, while Stahlburg Rovers lose to Parrhesia despite a late, abortive comeback and an offside ‘equaliser’ from Radcliffe. The Harriers and Iron, the bottom two, play out a truly dismal scoreless draw. Of course they do.

Brookford remain the standout best side thus far, six points clear at the top - and top spot is required for automatic promotion. But they leave it late to beat a Serpentine side who rally with an experimental lineup, the Otters ultimately relieved when Andrine Samsa comes on and smashes home with a first shot she probably shouldn’t have taken, and that Markus Rose probably should have saved… but they’ll take it. Chatswood’s simple win over Solitaire sees them overtake Vermillion Wanderers, while North Sabrefell have rallied to fourth after their poor start. They’re honestly far from their best against Armstrong, but Fabrice Laramee takes the game by the scruff and hauls them over the line in the second half.

The Strongest pulp Chardonnay 4-1, absolutely take them to the cleaners, to sit in 10th… but that’s just three points above the drop. This is a weird season, and mediocrity is not going to be enough. Pressure is mounting in Armstrong and Serpentine, while the further down you go the more you sense some teams will lose hope long before the end. Pillars hold out to a mere 1-0 defeat in Leichhardt, and are already 11 points from safety. But there’s signs of life elsewhere; Bishop haul themselves to third-last with a win over Vermillion, and they do so the ‘right’ way, playing clever, short-passing football through the lines as Scowsmith and Reiss repel the Wanderers’ direct ball. You wouldn’t quite count out anyone yet. Well, except Pillars.

A bullet header from Kateryna Zuniga at the far post sets the Moths on the right track just six minutes in. Reach and Aedelbrandt finish it in the second half, Archer coming off the bench to hit a post with enough force the ball comes back off the post and smacks him hard in the face. Minor embarrassments aside, the Moths clear through easily enough.

Ah, see, yeah, this is the fun round. A few hapless semi-pros have the tar beaten out of them by real teams. Barhara Cavaliers only recently made it to the Conference, and getting pulverised 8-0 at home by Alliance Barossia was… yeah, well might their manager say there was a ‘gulf in class’. Imagine letting Matthew Chance score a hat-trick against you. Burchess, struggling just to stay up in the Conference East,, lose by the same scoreline to a Drea Bouman-inspired Corinthians No Longer, while 3Div Cranequin Souths get pumped 7-0 by 2Div Ballardine FC. Chardonnay Rangers get the no-scored-penalties mark of shame fhis time, beaten by Serpentine… though ironically, Rangers’ 86th-minute equaliser was a penalty. And yet, goalscorer Justice Pearce didn’t take a penalty in the shootout. “I’m a believer in the shooter with the steadiest nerves taking the fourth kick,” manager Rudi Schubert fronted up after the fact. “Sadly, well… we didn’t get that far, did we.” How far have Morningstar and West Brinemouth fallen? Far enough their 0-0 draw after 120 minutes is the most eye-bleaching agony of the round. They live in purgatory.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               15  11  2  2  41  12  +29  35
  2 Vermillion Rage          15   9  4  2  30  14  +16  31
  3 North Laithland          15   8  2  5  22  21   +1  26
  4 Aries Chariots           15   7  4  4  22  18   +4  25
  5 Stahlburg City           15   7  4  4  15  11   +4  25
  6 Sabrefell Moths          15   7  3  5  23  16   +7  24
  7 Diamondqueen             15   7  3  5  23  29   -6  24
  8 AFC Corvistone           15   6  5  4  26  19   +7  23
  9 AFC Treason              15   6  5  4  12  11   +1  23
 10 Coret Hawks              15   7  2  6  25  25   +0  23
 11 Crisisbless United       15   6  4  5  19  20   -1  22
 12 Southfell United         15   6  2  7  21  20   +1  20
 13 Starling                 15   6  2  7  24  24   +0  20
 14 Parrhesia United         15   6  2  7  26  27   -1  20
 15 Belgrave                 15   6  1  8  23  25   -2  19
 16 Chenoworth Rovers        15   4  7  4  17  20   -3  19
 17 Crisisbless              15   3  8  4  21  17   +4  17
 18 South Laithland          15   4  5  6  14  16   -2  17
 19 Newrook City             15   4  5  6  18  21   -3  17
 20 Sabrefell Athletic       15   4  5  6  20  26   -6  17
 21 Creed United             15   4  4  7   9  17   -8  16
 22 Stahlburg Rovers         15   4  1 10  21  36  -15  13
 23 Chenoworth Harriers      15   3  3  9  13  27  -14  12
 24 Iron City                15   2  3 10   6  19  -13   9

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookford Otters           15  11  3  1  32  15  +17  36
  2 Chatswood                  15  10  0  5  25   9  +16  30
  3 Vermillion Wanderers       15   8  4  3  24  11  +13  28
  4 North Sabrefell            15   8  2  5  20  14   +6  26
  5 Corvette Maulers           15   7  4  4  18  19   -1  25
  6 Goodfeather FC             15   7  2  6  34  23  +11  23
  7 Cypher Town                15   6  5  4  20  17   +3  23
  8 Leichhardt                 15   6  5  4  16  15   +1  23
  9 Raven River                15   6  4  5  19  18   +1  22
 10 The Strongest              15   7  1  7  21  28   -7  22
 11 Mantlegrove                15   6  3  6  16  13   +3  21
 12 Barossia United            15   6  2  7  20  16   +4  20
 13 Cranequin Wanderers        15   5  5  5  16  13   +3  20
 14 Chardonnay Rangers         15   5  5  5  22  23   -1  20
 15 Corinthians No Longer      15   5  5  5  15  16   -1  20
 16 AFC Rochford               15   5  4  6  19  19   +0  19
 17 Greygate                   15   5  3  7  24  25   -1  18
 18 AFC Serpentine             15   4  6  5  21  28   -7  18
 19 Armstrong                  15   4  4  7  18  27   -9  16
 20 Gonen's Bridge             15   4  4  7  17  26   -9  16
 21 Alliance Barossia          15   5  1  9  12  25  -13  16
 22 Bishop                     15   3  5  7  19  26   -7  14
 23 Aries Solitaire            15   3  4  8  17  25   -8  13
 24 Pillars of Southfell       15   2  3 10  13  27  -14   9

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            15  13  1  1  23   6  +17  40
  2 Crisisbless Athletic      15  10  3  2  28  12  +16  33
  3 Hackett                   15  10  2  3  26   9  +17  32
  4 Peregrine                 15  10  2  3  34  19  +15  32
  5 Locksley                  15   9  4  2  33  17  +16  31
  6 Morningstar               15   8  5  2  23  13  +10  29
  7 Ritter Town               15   8  4  3  25  14  +11  28
  8 Dartmouth Terriers        15   7  4  4  24  16   +8  25
  9 Falston United            15   8  1  6  20  21   -1  25
 10 Boltcroft Thorns          15   5  4  6  22  20   +2  19
 11 Lazuli Diamonds           15   5  3  7  20  21   -1  18
 12 Stonegrave                15   5  3  7  12  17   -5  18
 13 Rochford Pilgrims         15   5  3  7  17  27  -10  18
 14 Autumnstone               15   5  2  8  16  18   -2  17
 15 Kensey Town               15   5  2  8  17  26   -9  17
 16 West Brinemouth           15   3  7  5  13  20   -7  16
 17 Riverkey                  15   4  3  8  11  16   -5  15
 18 Gosmouth Swans            15   4  3  8  17  27  -10  15
 19 Sheridan                  15   3  5  7  13  19   -6  14
 20 Ballardine FC             15   4  2  9  13  20   -7  14
 21 Ingram Township           15   4  2  9  10  20  -10  14
 22 Mapleford                 15   4  1 10  16  32  -16  13
 23 Extreme Hills             15   3  3  9  15  26  -11  12
 24 The Hanged Man            15   1  5  9   9  21  -12   8

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
[color=#008000]  1 Lockheed Zenith              15 10  3  2  33  18  +15  33
  2 New Oakstone Phoenix         15  9  5  1  42  20  +22  32
  3 Brokenarch                   15  9  3  3  24  15   +9  30
  4 Kommissar                    15  9  3  3  19  10   +9  30
  5 Southriver                   15  9  2  4  15   8   +7  29
  6 AFC Shale                    15  7  4  4  18  12   +6  25
  7 East Laithland Harriers      15  6  6  3  25  17   +8  24
  8 Coret Rovers                 15  7  3  5  20  24   -4  24
  9 Martella Jazz                15  7  2  6  28  24   +4  23
 10 Caldwick Strand              15  6  4  5  20  19   +1  22
 11 Riverkey Shells              15  6  3  6  30  30   +0  21
 12 Strephonage                  15  7  0  8  21  24   -3  21
 13 Corvistone City              15  6  3  6  12  15   -3  21
 14 Brindleton                   15  5  5  5  18  16   +2  20
 15 Crossroads Town              15  5  4  6  28  29   -1  19
 16 Northside Eagles             15  5  3  7  22  24   -2  18
 17 Lindmark Falcons             15  5  3  7  22  29   -7  18
 18 Cranequin Souths             15  4  5  6  21  24   -3  17
 19 Constance Park               15  3  5  7  13  24  -11  14
 20 West Hook                    15  4  2  9  12  25  -13  14
 21 Crownsend Journey            15  3  4  8  28  32   -4  13
 22 Hartford Glade               15  3  3  9  19  20   -1  12
 23 Ringway                      15  3  2 10  11  26  -15  11
 24 Sirencall FC                 15  1  5  9  12  28  -16   8

by **Nephara** » Sun Nov 22, 2020 6:54 pm

This week will down in infamy. Three days, three sacked managers at top clubs, an unimaginable blood-letting. First to go is Crisisbless manager Chris Maarsden, before the weekend’s games. His last game was a draw against Vermillion - not the worst thing - but only three wins in the league so far, combined with back-to-back defeats to CF Outineau in the CL that have probably put paid to their chances of progression? He’s out the door. And they get the holy grail; Michael Brandon returns from Eura, a mixed stint to be certain but not without its high points, and certainly he’s a marquee buy. Indeed, did Crisisbless hurry Maarsden out the door prematurely in order to get Brandon first? But he does have a connection to the club, through his half-brother, Augustine, a one-club man at Crisisbless. And he gets off to a winning start; the side look sharper, more muscular, solid, as they make short work of Starling. Danica Marinkovic dinks Smordal neatly from twenty yards, the mark of a striker full of confidence, and thunderbolts from Fletcher and Woakes find the top corners either side of the interval. Ever-reliable Daniel Dostalok pulls one back, and for a while, Starling look like rallying, until a pass from Berg is cut out by Woakes, who sets up the impressive Fletcher to slot home the fourth.

That proves the end for Lisa Amos, the Premiership’s longest-serving manager. Her legacy remains a positive one, but last season was genuinely dreadful and this one is shaping up to be worse still. Former Manager of the Season Tim Maitfield comes in from Crisisbless United, shortly after overseeing defeat to Vanessa Rossum’s resilient Smiths. The final skull comes from Sabrefell, more specifically in the East Sabrefell derby between Athletic and the Chariots. Athletic score first, a powerful strike from Bartol Isusi crashing in off the inside of the far post. It’s far more aesthetically pleasing than the Chariots’ two second-half tap-ins, but that doesn’t make it worth anymore. Tony Dalton, then, follows Maarsden and Amos out the door. They’d been linked heavily with Brandon, too - the former Eura manager could get back in touch with three internationals - but they wind up plucking Tana Colbright off Northern Stallions. The former Nephara goalkeeper has done brilliantly in Brenecia, including a title win. In a weird domino effect, Ole Oehman, long-time assistant at Sabrefell Athletic, takes over the United job.

The good thing about the second tier is that… look, Nephara has a lot of fantastic referees. In the Premiership. But fantastic referees are hard to come by, so in the second tier you have ‘slightly damaged’ ones like Domenika Rivers, whose response to Rochford midfielder Ares Finnan and Armstrong defender Lynda Suttock punching each other in the face is to give each a… yellow card. “It’s a contact sport, and just a bit of banter, it’s fine,” she insists. Solitaire scrape a late draw against Brookford thanks to Jacinth Coen’s remarkable refusal to go down under pressure. She could have won a penalty, sure, but she kept trying to pull away from Holden, eventually managed it and stabbed home al loose ball. Now that ref - who said he was prepared to give a penalty if she missed - should be looked at for the Premiership. The Maulers’ strong form continues with a 2-0 win over Cypher, Tania Brummer’s brace putting paid to her doubters.

The Classic rolls into town and, as always, dominates the talking points. There isn’t a clear favourite, because there is never a clear favourite, but on form there really ought to be; Treason have endured a mediocre start to the season, while Brinemouth have been as spectacular in the league as they’ve been a national disgrace in IFCF. Unfortunately for the Stags, they’re in top form today, rolling the ball around with poise and confidence, Treason looking jaded and unable to keep up. Tawny Shone nets her first Dockers goal in the 39th minute, when Deventer’s shot is blocked by one Stag, rue Cazade’s follow-up parried by Clavel only for Shone, arriving last into the box, to seize her moment and hammer the ball into the net. Jackson draws a penalty for rue Cazade to score late on, but in the 40 minutes in between Treason fail to trouble Ewald Heuser. “We need to redraw our battle lines,” Cheney Bittencourt concedes. “That just wasn’t acceptable, and shouldn’t be accepted.”

It’s the first day in the job for new Athletic manager Colbright and old Athletic assistant Oehman; the latter gets a chance to do his old side a solid when his Chequers visit the Moths. Oehman was a great midfielder for the Rams back in the day, too - the Moths faithful haven’t forgotten this, and give him a hearty jeer as he strolls on. Unfortunately for Oehman, United are very much second-best on the day, Petrov and Reach sealing the day with goals either side of half-time. Colbright’s Athletic beat Newrook 1-0, a cagey affair settled by a single wonder-strike from Orsolya Gere - “A good performance,” but Colbright tacitly admits “this isn’t a sustainable way to get back to the top four.” Starling also get off to a winning start under Maitfield, though they leave it late, an injury-time header from substitute Vanna Pearce beating a backsliding Coret. A hard-fought Chenoworth derby is surprisingly electrifying, one of those games that needs an early goal. Sure enough, Girardi duly puts one just out of Dundalk’s reach, the Rovers come out roaring to pull two back by half-time and keep pressing to kill off the game, and are instead gashed on the break by 22-year old substitute Marius Cervenka. High-flying Vermillion have their wings clipped by a muscular Stahlburg Rovers at home.

Pressure increases on the Dragons; they’re at the stage where a bad season means relegation rather than just continued mediocrity. “I won a World Cup,” manager Kurtis Rakeruth tells the press for approximately the four hundredth time. “I know how to construct a winning mentality.” But while they arrive on a high owing to a composed 2-0 win over Alliance, they shit the bed almost immediately to the Strongest, goalkeeper Markus Rose spacing out and letting Shanna Oakes’ backpass slip under his boot. Nobody involved seems to have composure, except for, naturally, the Strongest’s forwards. 5-1 by half-time after a cascade of goals, and Rakeruth’s had enough - 22-year old Gerrard Tell comes out in goal for the second half, and is almost immediately chipped from halfway by Hans Korchnoi. Remarkably, Serpentine muster some sort of fightback to 6-4, largely through Sven Gillard, who celebrates in the post-game interview by, uh, demonstrating his loyalty to the manager. “Any doubters should be hanged,” he says, mildly. Leichhardt hobble Chatswood, a spectacular scissor-kick by Ernie Stevenson winning late on, while River choke and lose to 10-man Armstrong late on when a long shot from Kohr rebounded off the post, smacked Carver in the face and bounced in.

An underexposed talking point amidst the strange parity of this last and ?greatest? Premiership season has been the rise and rise of North Laithland. Name their manager. Go on, I’ll wait. Or, name their last league finish. I had to look it up. But yes, Catherine Sedgwick is in the process of marshalling her side to … if not glory, then at least the Challengers Cup. It’s no real surprise to see them dominate Ole Oehman’s United, who look a little confused and a little ill-disciplined, though a spectacular top-corner drive from Lukas Antelmi does give them an early lead. North Laithland leftback February Garnett sweeps in from nowhere to level the scores soon after, before goals from Thornwood and Brindell put the Spiders on their way by half-time, Bellmare finishing the job on the hour, and the Spiders climb to 5th in the table… and just a point behind the Moths, two beneath the Chariots.

Starling take a routine 2-0 win in Stahlburg against the Rovers, but it’s not just a win. Duchemin and Flaxwood’s goals, and Smordal’s clean sheet, mean that, at long last, Starling have won as many as they’ve lost. Vermillion Rage keep up the pressure in second, but they’re made to sweat for it, Iron City getting a rare early goal through Anderson’s own goal, the experienced defender mixing up her feet horribly and stabbing Remsza’s cross home. Fleetwood and Vidler exchange blows before the half’s up, and it takes until the 90th minute for Ramona Porter to pop up at the far post and shoulder home a cross from Mrdja, and two minutes after that for Porter to return Mrdja the favour and give the Rage victory. Brinemouth are held by the Smiths, while Chenoworth Rovers beat Parrhesia with centre-half Giannakos scoring both goals from headers off set pieces.

Don’t sleep on Goodfeather. Cypher Town were the big-shots at the opening of the season, but they’ve since fallen away. Goodfeather’s combination of veterans, damaged goods - Laura Belfry has become a standout performer after a rocky start and poor past couple years - and, oh, you know. The best strike partnership in the league. Tremeka Goodwin had the early form, and she still slides an elegant little knife past Ruo’s near post today, but now Bastet North is in the ascendancy. Not the tallest, but what a jump! And it’s those delicately brutal downward headers that are becoming her trademark; two in the second half sink Cypher. Serpentine rally behind Rakeruth with a convincing victory over the Shrikes, while Corvette vs. Armstrong becomes a weirdly exhilarating scoreless draw dominated by both goalkeepers. Marisnick makes nine saves, Virtanen eight.

Apart from Diamondqueen, who are sailing merrily in midtable, the three other promoted sides have been shitting up the league this season. Sorry, but that’s just how it is. Iron City’s problem is straightforward enough: they’re at the bottom because they don’t score goals. Manahaal Brimorii runs around a lot, but uh… never actually gets the ball. He’s scored just four goals all season, the rest of the team combined just six. But he does, at least, get on the scoresheet early against Starling, who were already opened up early by failing to close down Igrene Vidler. 30 and unproven at this level, yes, but she can still pick out the bottom corner if given space. 2-0 up with over an hour to play is daunting. Iron are unapologetically and brutally negative, and Starling still pull one back, though they’re forced to bring Dostalok - who they wanted to rest - off the bench.

That dumps the Harriers on the bottom of the table. Their issue… is harder to diagnose, but in large part players have just failed to look convincing on the step up, or new signings failed to hit the ground running. There’s been goals from midfield, but not up front, while the defense has caved at key moments. But Donato Girardi extends his lead as the side’s top scorer with five, a crisp strike curled around Clavel from distance to sink the Stags, who can find no significant answers in the second half. That puts Stalhburg Rovers on the bottom on goal difference… but against an unconvincing Southfell, they have the easiest task. They do remain unfancied, but Huang’s spectacular diving header equalises Nagy’s early strike, before tap-ins from Radcliffe and Kunz finish the job and intensify the pressure in Southfell. Tawny Shone gets sent off on her return to Sabrefell Moths, and is cheered by the adoring home fans - they’re less happy when a screamer from Tauscher gives Brinemouth the win anyway.

The Wanderers against Chatswood always promised to be a terse affair, and so it proves. Both sides are built around defensive discipline first and foremost, though they certainly have the weapons to crack one anothers’ armour. Indeed, Isabelle Kruger thinks she’s done just that fourteen minutes in - pity was that Maier waited too long before playing her in, and found her strayed offside. At the other end, with the Woodsmen failing to break a way through conventionally, their best avenue of attack winds up being the disaffected winger Severa Conleth - clearly a step too good for this level - shooting on sight from outside the box, twice hitting the post. Inevitably, the tense match is decided from a set piece. Claudia Bohr, the definition of a yo-yo player, rises highest and most decisively to glance home Wharton’s corner and secure the Wanderers a valuable win at the top. Goodfeather stall at Rochford, where the most decisive outcome may in fact be an ankle injury sustained by top scorer Godwin; Cypher are held scoreless yet again, this time hosting bottom-feeders Pillars.

“We’ll make the Cup a priority this season,” Creed manager Catheline Harper breezily tells the press. “I think we can get survival and silverware, easy. But of course I’m taking the chance to rest a couple key players against… you know, lower-league opposition.” Yeah, a couple. No Hartigan, no Borbely, no Barbarouses, no Burgess, an admittedly very promising teenager in Vasya Reisinger up front. But Solitaire are resting players, too, hoping to survive the especially vicious 1Div drop in their first season at this height. And theirs is a thin squad to start with; random teenagers Renate March and Karena Gothel get run-outs. And score twice, each, in a 5-0 rout. Wait, what? Yeah, Creed concede within thirty seconds when Gothel sweeps up and stabs home an errant backpass from Nissa Mason and it, well, it, uhm, it doesn’t get. Any better, from there. 5-0. #HarpsOut? There’s other shocks around, other surprising shows of resilience - Crisisbless’ malaise is never more highlighted than by failing to score past The fucking Strongest in 90 minutes - but at least the oh God. Oh, no. Starling. Starling host New Oakstone, who are in the fourth fucking tier, and, uhm, yeah, they fucking lose. 3-2 after extra time. Tim Maitfield’s normally everpresent smile is strained; yes, it was a second- or third-string side, but come the fuck on! The gods of the draw are kind, and throw up a top-flight Chenoworth derby - the Rovers triumph largely through the electrifying presence of Kendra Ramsey - and a cross-league Crisisbless derby, where the vastly superior United cave Athletic’s skull in. Goodfeather and Ritter Town beat Newrook and North Laithland on penalties after truly dire scoreless draws, while Diamondqueen, Brinemouth (!) and Stahlburg Rovers go out to fellow Premiership opposition.

Diamondqueen are, as things stand, the weakest Sabrefell side in the Premiership. That’s bad. But that puts them 13th. That’s good. The often-overlooked university side have punched well above their weight so far, and despite the fact that they’ve been reduced to starting whatever a Darren Charnett is supposed to be, from time to time, they do actually look sustainable. No one player punching above their natural level. No supernaturally clear bill of health. Just a decent squad, playing like a team. And that’s enough to catch out the mercurial Moths, today. The Moths rush about and surge into things; the Diamonds hold firm, and two goals are the produce of clean, deft passing, with crisp finishes from Isring and the closest thing they have to a star, Najzar, enough on the back of Szarbach’s fine work in goal.

Tiring of their indifferent form, Cheney Bittencourt has Treason line out in a 4-2-3-1 against Parrhesia and instantly they seize a result with a minimum of fuss. Vincent Robshaw is not Lothaire Cromwell. Vincent Robshaw is Vincent Robshaw. And Mikkel Jonsson, who turns 32 next week, still has it left in him to pull the strings in an advanced role. A northeastern derby between Coret and Newrook is… is… one-sided. And one-halved. The first half is stultifying, until injury time, where Naiva Storrev chances her arm from 30 yards, Coleman dives far enough but somehow the ball gets through her hands. A screamer, albeit with a culpable keeper - it deflates the Hawks, the Rooks come out in the second half and complete a 4-0 rout with goals from Margush, Rozier and Baer. Corvistone go into the break 4-3 up against Crisisbless United. It should be a thriller! But neither side quite has it in them to keep up the pace, with Yonen’s penalty the only goal of the second half to extend the Crows’ lead. Pity. Ole Oehman’s wait for his first point goes on.

River’s normally mild-mannered Michi Leonard, youngest manager in the pyramid, has some words for Kurtis Rakeruth. “We get it. You were on the bench while Nephara won the World Cup - we fucking get it! It’s probably been good training for slouching in the technical area while more talented players win the game for you. Except there’s not ben much of that, has there?” Jesus. Yeah, so, no handshakes in the technical area when Serpentine play River. Michi Leonard demonstrates her commitment to passive-aggression by keeipng her hand outstretched all the way into twelve minutes into the game, before the fourth official eventually tells her to shove it. But River are already 1-0 up by then, and ultimately crush the Dragons 3-0. Armstrong pulverise Bishop 4-0 away, Gareth Pawnbroker with another Premiership audition in a heroic showing up front, while Brookford and Vermillion play out an electrifying but oddly sloppy 2-2 draw.

Group D

P                            	Pl  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	ShC	Smd	ATr	HoW
1  Shamrock Cathair     	AUD   6  3  1  2  10  10   0  10 *	- 	2-1	1-0	2-2
2  Schemerdrecht SVV    	KOR   6  3  1  2  17  13   4  10 *   4-1 	- 	2-2	4-3  
3  AFC Treason          	NPH   6  3  1  2  13  13   0  10 *   3-2	2-4 	- 	2-1  
4  Hoima Warriors       	BNJ   6  1  1  4  12  16  -4   4 	0-2	3-2	3-4 	-
*Tie broken by head to head results

(PS: Shamrock Cathair and Schemerdrecht SVV's positions should be swapped based on Head-to-head results - Schemerdrecht SVV 7, Shamrock Cathair 6, AFC Treason 4)

Group E

P                            	Pl  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	WsL	Trc	FpU	Brm
1  Walstreim Lions      	SNL   6  4  2  0  12   6   6  14  	- 	0-0	1-0	1-0
2  Tropicorp FC         	TUR   6  3  2  1   9   6   3  11 	1-1 	- 	0-1	2-1  
3  Freeport United      	FPT   6  2  1  3   6   8  -2   7 	1-4	1-3 	- 	3-0  
4  Brinemouth           	NPH   6  0  1  5   7  14  -7   1 	4-5	2-3	0-0 	-

Group H

P                            	Pl  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	CFO	Dir	Csb	Ibn
1  CF Outineau          	KSK   6  3  2  1   8   4   4  11  	- 	1-1	3-1	0-0
2  Directus             	EUR   6  2  3  1   8   6   2   9 	1-2 	- 	0-0	3-1  
3  Crisisbless          	NPH   6  2  2  2   7   6   1   8 	0-2	1-1 	- 	4-0  
4  Ibini FC             	VAL   6  1  1  4   3  10  -7   4 	1-0	1-2	0-1 	-

Group F                       	P  W  D  L   F   A  GD Pts 	DAR	KSK	NPH	TUR
1  MTK Kingsville       	DAR   6  4  1  1   9   7   2  13  	- 	1-0	2-1	2-5
2  Strathcona Intls     	KSK   6  4  0  2  13   8   5  12 	0-2 	- 	2-1	3-1  
3  Sabrefell Athletic   	NPH   6  2  0  4   9   9   0   6 	0-1	2-4 	- 	4-0
4  FC Almintora         	TUR   6  1  1  4   8  15  -7   4 	1-1	1-4	0-1 	-

Group K                       	P  W  D  L   F   A  GD Pts 	VIL	ASG	NPH	AUD
1  Eastal Lunar         	VIL   6  6  0  0  15   2  13  18  	- 	4-1	2-0	3-1
2  Urbizania Wanderers  	ASG   6  2  1  3   7  10  -3   7 	0-1 	- 	1-1	1-0
3  AFC Corvistone       	NPH   6  1  2  3   5  10  -5   5 	0-3	3-2 	- 	1-2
4  Bombarralense        	AUD   6  1  1  4   4   9  -5   4 	0-2	1-2	0-0 	-

   Group E                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	CWH	CEL	DSC	CSE
1  Chenoworth Harriers  	NPH   6  4  1  1  13   9   4  13 *	- 	1-1	4-5	2-1
2  CdF Celtade          	AUD   6  4  1  1  11   8   3  13 *   0-2 	- 	3-1	1-0
3  Duntho Sporting Club 	BNJ   6  2  1  3   9  11  -2   7 	0-1	1-2 	- 	1-0
4  Cisne Senzapa        	TEQ   6  0  1  5   7  12  -5   1 	2-3	3-4	1-1 	-
*  Chenoworth Harriers ahead of CdF Celtade on head-to-head results

Naturally the Harriers ace the one tournament that has no effect on the coefficient. The only Nepharan side to actually break through their group this cycle. It’s a bizarrely hot run of form for Jakob Shearer, who starts all six games and scores five times, but otherwise not really worth comment.

Another routine 3-0 home win abroad for the Moths. Imagine if they’d, you know, actually bothered to qualify for the IFCF group stages. Ha ha.

Ole Oehman’s United host Brinemouth in search of something daunting; his first points. Hey, no pressure, right? But Oehman accepts, or at least claims after the fact to have accepted, “We were gonna get blown out if we just sat back and tried to wait out the tie.” And so: they went for it. Early shots across the bow from Larsen and Stand flew wide, and then Stand was forced to limp off, injured. On came Antelmi, who set up Larsen with a delicate forward ball that Larsen slotted home. A strike from Ronayne was tipped onto the post by Heuser and smashed home on the rebound on the half-hour. The pressure kept on until the half, but Brinemouth were always capable of pulling out something special - Bryger Tidesson, 30 yards, thunderbastard, top corner, 44th minute. But United kept up the intensity, the satyr centre-half Dreider headed home a corner on the hour and, despite a second yellow card for hatchetman Garner, United held on despite a late consolation from Saitou.

Newrook and Stahlburg Rovers play out an interesting match, but ‘interesting’ isn’t enough for two sides that really just want points. It’s prefaced with Tom Duffy’s remarkable Twii ([sic] in advance): ‘hard 2 get up this mornin … like w/e its just orange stahlberg well win 50 anyway lollll :joy:’. Mysteriously, Duffy winds up sitting on the bench when it comes to the game, and even chasing the game with half an hour to go, it’s the versatile Dassi Constantine that Penrooke turns to, not Duffy. That winds up paying off when Constantine reacts fastest when Macellan, trying to ?clear a cross out for a corner? or something, winds up kicking a ball into his own face. 2-2, in ignominious circumstances, and an unpalatable point for either side. Southfell’s malaise continues as they’re beaten easily by a Creed side who spend 40 minutes with ten men, while Kizza Okafor misses a late penalty after running the show for Coret against Crisisbless. He’s still given the man of the match award, not only despite the penalty but despite the fact it would have and didn’t give the Hawks a draw.

Is it time to examine whether Armstrong are… you know, in trouble? Gratia Barker’s been unanimously agreed to have punched above her weight during her tensure, but results are not good this season, and they’re witless, one-paced and ultimately beaten by Mantlegrove more comfortably than a 1-0 scoreline suggests. Curate looks out of her depth, Kohr and Pawnbroker look jaded, Loxton and Hope look past it, and Barker looks unable or unwilling to switch things up meaningfully. At the top, a sheaf of excellent sides drop points, but North Sabrefell’s inexorable march continues when Beckwith’s flying stoppage-time header breaks open a seeming stalemate with lowly Bridge, and Brookford continue to glide free as they pulp CNL 5-1, riding on Scout Morwen’s sheer class.

Altendalur settle in for the long haul against Treason. Their best chance is always going to be damage limitation before pulling out all the stops at home, and they have some success. Treason win a penalty early, a rare lapse of concentration from Nepharan rightback Thorn Tristram (formerly of West Brinemouth and Cypher Town) hacking down Uster at the ankle. Mikkel Jonsson steps up, but smashes his penalty into the crossbar. The Chessmen hold out for the next hour, and almost snatch a lead through Darren Hunt, denied sharply by Ramelow one-on-one, but pinpoint passes from Jonsson find Sebastian, then overlapping fullback Karolin Faust, who secure the win late on.

Another capable, solid performance from the Moths. They’re yet to concede in the CWC.

Corvistone have relished their ability to take the fight to the best teams in prior years, but it’s relied on a dynamism that has been largely absent in recent times. There isn’t that level of concussive brutality anymore. So understandably, though boldly, Hadrian Belfast rolls the dice against Brinemouth, with little to lose and everything to gain. Inexperienced Dietmar Hanning slides in as a double pivot alongside Spahi Keskin, Arniston and Carter play up front, 4-4-2. Less fucking around through the centre, more pace and zest and whip. And it… doesn’t work, it doesn’t work at all, Brinemouth run the show from the first minute on and lead from the third, ceding the midfield battle to the most fluent side in the league is actually suicide, Jackson comes away with a hat-trick and Corvistone are buried 5-1. The chemistry isn’t quite working, yes; but that was not the answer.

A side that does stil retain its snap and dynamism is Parrhesia United, who have been gliding to a far better start to this season than last and are comfortably on course to beat the drop. Sabrefell Moths try to match them pace for pace, and they do wind up carving out plenty of chances, but their profligacy costs them - as well as one spectacular, even outrageous double save from Laisne. And they leave gaps at the back which former Rams playmaker Elsebeth Celustka is only too happy to exploit, setting up second-half strikes for Swann and Reus to drive home. Vermillion come unstuck against Treason, simply unable to drive a wedge into the rock-solid defensive line, while Crisisbless United fail to kick on and are easily taken down in Diamondqueen.

Pillars against Bishop is a stultifying draw with just one goal. Pillars: four shots, three on target, zero goals; Bishop: seven shots, two on target, zero goals; random streaker: one shot, one on target, one goal. Bishop goalkeeper Frey Strom doesn’t, to be fair, make much attempt to save the shot; instead, the Audioslavian spear-tackles the streaker, wrestles him to the ground and ohhh that looked really, really painful. Corvette get pummeled by Greygate both physically and on the scoreboard, a phalanx of brutes forcing a way through for Bryce Leicester to pump in shot after shot from the edge of the box. It works, the Wardens winning 2-0. Goodfeather’s shrimp play between the lines and outfox Armstrong’s giants, while the Otters are finally stymied by the resilience of Cypher.

It’s almost a very good day for Karolin Faust. Another start at rightback, and she almost opens the scoring with a looping cross that goes over Quinnipag’s head… and crashes off the crossbar. It’s the only lapse of Quinnipag’s game; the goalkeeper from Zwangzug has a spectacular performance as Treason struggle to find their rhythm and make up for it by lashing long shots at goal. No dice, but scoreless at the break. Altendalur need goals, but they have a secret weapon: Tyler Prentice’s free kicks. One leads to an unedifying goalmouth scramble that Hunt has the presence of mind to slot home, the other just finds the top corner after shaving off the head of Kolar in the wall. It goes to extra time, but Treason rally, finding Basilica Coxeter past a tiring defence. The young striker’s first touch is heavy, but she makes up for it with a deft, desperate stab between Quinnipag’s legs. Wolfgangsdóttir pulls one back in the 119th minute, but it’s not enough; the away goal is the Stags’.

It isn’t over yet, not by a long shot. Aries come at Brinemouth with a vengeance, playing hard, even brutal football, but backed up with ambitious passing between the lines and a masterful performance from Winabaen Kevaarsen to dominate in midfield despite a lack of numbers. Three clinical first-half strikes from Scott Coleman prove too much for Brinemouth to pull back - Rowena Sierra continues to delight in a more supporting role, drifting on the right. Brinemouth have now lost their last two away games; Vermillion, in second, lose their second on the spin as Maurice Delfour’s brilliant solo goal, running through four exhausted Rage markers, crashes home a late winner for Stahlburg City. And that’s the top four, with Treason - who edge out Starling - out on goal difference, Corvistone and North Laithland in the IFCF places, Belgrave beating the Moths to catch up on points, and at long last most of the usual suspects appear to be catching up. Apart from Crisisbless, who are 13th.

It’s a sign of a greater malaise than could be fixed by simply sacking Chris Maarsden, as Crisisbless’ terminal lack of cutting edge, and Erwin Spijkers’ dangerous, youthful tunnel vision, contrive to see them beaten 1-0 by Iron City. At home. With South Laithland and Southfell drawing one another in fairly stultifying fashion - the Fletcher revolution just hasn’t quite hit the ground running, while Southfell just look stale, almost as if they’ve signed practically no first-team players in the past three seasons - and Creed outplayed comprehensively by Newrook, it represents a big opportunity for Iron to keep in the fight. Stahlburg City have a glimmer of hope, as well, while a Chenoworth Harriers side that just don’t look right are losing theirs.

With one exception, things are tight to the point of a knife-edge at the top. Brookford Otters are the exception, six points clear, though in truth they rather labour just to secure a draw against Rochford. Damir Wright, normally rock-solid between the posts, fumbles a cross for Non to bury, and the Owls are unapologetic about clinging on as far as they can, Cordrut Malanta having a fine game in goal. Ultimately, a curling shot from Annika Cashin proves unsaveable in injury time. Goodfeather FC are, narrowly, best of the rest following a routine win over Pillars, but Vermillion Wanderers crush Barrosia United, North Sabrefell take a point against Cranequin Wanderers and Leichhardt, resurgent of late, draw River to stay in convtention. Corvette scrape a 1-0 win over Chatswood, but both sides have fallen away a little, of late; River and Cranequin are nowhere near the discussion.

Chardonnay Rangers, beaten at the last gasp by Gonen’s Bridge, are on track to go down, on 29 points. These are not ordinary circumstances. More damningly, they could claim Armstrong, who are decidedly lacklustre in defeat to similarly troubled Serpentine. This does mean, however, that the gap is beginning to look… daunting, for a few sides at the bottom. Solitaire and Bridge are nine points from safety already; Bishop and Pillars, fourteen.

The Fourth Round is where it starts to get serious. At least, for the top sides; for the likes of New Oakstone, it’s always been serious, every round a victory. Every 6-0 defeat a victory, if it means being pounded to a fine paste in Ludd’s Hammer by an almost bored Stahlburg City. Viviana Strephon and Isabella Shi wreak havoc in a strike partnership, 19-year old Jasper Morbihan excels on the wing, and it’s, well, it’s a curiosity, nothing more, because the Phoenix are terrible. But they have a good time. Southfell United manager George Jayson insists his side have the luxury of ‘focusing’ on the Cup despite their awful league form, and duly sends out a largely first-choice XI against a second-string Corvistone. Both sides play with an imprecise energy, but it’s settled at the death by, yes, the Baba Warrington, who underlines his continued value to the side with a pinpoint header followed by an elaborate dance routine at the corner flag, followed by hurling it like a javelin into the crowd when a guy calls him a shitcunt from the stands. He’s sent off, but the Crows hold out for victory. There’s another sending-off in Sabrefell, with Adalheid Metzelder growing steadily more exasperated with the referee and eventually storming on the pitch to whip him with her jacket when he called off a late Moths ‘equaliser’ because of a bluntly flagrant offside. Corinthians No Longer have one shot on target. It sneaks by Carroll. It’s that kind of day. Cypher manage a late scalp over a similarly luckless Belgrave - well, not luckless, according to Dan Keel. “Their strikers were incompetent. That’s all this was. A decent side would have buried us by half-time given those chances.” Crisisbless eke past Leichhardt, Crisisbless United stun Treason, Athletic edge South Laithland and Iron beat the Harriers on penalties as the Premiership field winnows further.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               23  16  3   4  59  23  +36  51
  2 Vermillion Rage          23  13  5   5  43  24  +19  44
  3 Aries Chariots           23  13  5   5  38  25  +13  44
  4 Stahlburg City           23  12  5   6  27  17  +10  41
  5 AFC Treason              23  12  5   6  25  19   +6  41
  6 AFC Corvistone           23  10  6   7  43  34   +9  36
  7 North Laithland          23  11  3   9  33  35   -2  36
  8 Sabrefell Moths          23  10  4   9  33  26   +7  34
  9 Belgrave                 23  11  1  11  35  35   +0  34
 10 Starling                 23  10  3  10  37  35   +2  33
 11 Sabrefell Athletic       23   9  6   8  33  34   -1  33
 12 Parrhesia United         23  10  3  10  34  36   -2  33
 13 Crisisbless              23   7 10   6  35  25  +10  31
 14 Newrook City             23   8  7   8  31  28   +3  31
 15 Diamondqueen             23   9  4  10  31  44  -13  31
 16 Coret Hawks              23   8  4  11  36  42   -6  28
 17 Chenoworth Rovers        23   6 10   7  27  34   -7  28
 18 Crisisbless United       23   8  4  11  30  41  -11  28
 19 South Laithland          23   6  7  10  22  25   -3  25
 20 Southfell United         23   6  7  10  28  32   -4  25
 21 Creed United             23   6  6  11  21  30   -9  24
 22 Iron City                23   5  5  13  14  29  -15  20
 23 Stahlburg Rovers         23   6  2  15  31  53  -22  20
 24 Chenoworth Harriers      23   4  5  14  19  39  -20  17

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookford Otters           23  14  7   2  45  22  +23  49
  2 Goodfeather FC             23  13  4   6  49  27  +22  43
  3 Vermillion Wanderers       23  12  6   5  39  20  +19  42
  4 North Sabrefell            23  13  3   7  33  23  +10  42
  5 Leichhardt                 23  11  8   4  27  20   +7  41
  6 Chatswood                  23  12  3   8  32  15  +17  39
  7 Corvette Maulers           23  11  6   6  28  25   +3  39
  8 Cypher Town                23  10  7   6  30  26   +4  37
  9 Mantlegrove                23  10  5   8  27  24   +3  35
 10 Raven River                23   9  6   8  32  30   +2  33
 11 Corinthians No Longer      23   8  8   7  26  27   -1  32
 12 Cranequin Wanderers        23   8  7   8  23  18   +5  31
 13 Barossia United            23   9  3  11  31  29   +2  30
 14 AFC Rochford               23   7  9   7  26  26   +0  30
 15 The Strongest              23   9  3  11  34  44  -10  30
 16 Chardonnay Rangers         23   8  5  10  33  37   -4  29
 17 AFC Serpentine             23   7  7   9  33  42   -9  28
 18 Armstrong                  23   7  6  10  26  33   -7  27
 19 Alliance Barossia          23   8  2  13  20  34  -14  26
 20 Greygate                   23   6  5  12  29  39  -10  23
 21 Aries Solitaire            23   5  6  12  27  37  -10  21
 22 Gonen's Bridge             23   5  6  12  23  39  -16  21
 23 Bishop                     23   3  7  13  22  40  -18  16
 24 Pillars of Southfell       23   3  7  13  18  36  -18  16

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Peregrine                 23  17  3   3  54  24  +30  54
  2 Cranequin City            23  17  2   4  35  16  +19  53
  3 Locksley                  23  16  4   3  55  27  +28  52
  4 Morningstar               23  13  6   4  40  21  +19  45
  5 Crisisbless Athletic      23  14  3   6  41  25  +16  45
  6 Hackett                   23  12  5   6  34  18  +16  41
  7 Boltcroft Thorns          23  10  7   6  38  26  +12  37
  8 Falston United            23  11  4   8  26  26   +0  37
  9 Dartmouth Terriers        23   9  6   8  33  25   +8  33
 10 Riverkey                  23   9  6   8  23  21   +2  33
 11 West Brinemouth           23   8  7   8  21  24   -3  31
 12 Gosmouth Swans            23   9  4  10  28  36   -8  31
 13 Ritter Town               23   8  6   9  31  28   +3  30
 14 Lazuli Diamonds           23   9  3  11  31  40   -9  30
 15 Autumnstone               23   8  3  12  33  30   +3  27
 16 Stonegrave                23   7  6  10  18  25   -7  27
 17 Ingram Township           23   8  3  12  23  32   -9  27
 18 Sheridan                  23   5  7  11  18  28  -10  22
 19 Rochford Pilgrims         23   6  3  14  24  44  -20  21
 20 Mapleford                 23   6  3  14  20  43  -23  21
 21 Ballardine FC             23   5  5  13  19  31  -12  20
 22 Extreme Hills             23   5  5  13  28  45  -17  20
 23 Kensey Town               23   5  4  14  22  45  -23  19
 24 The Hanged Man            23   2  9  12  16  31  -15  15

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lockheed Zenith              23  16  3   4  49  29  +20  51
  2 Southriver                   23  14  4   5  34  16  +18  46
  3 New Oakstone Phoenix         23  13  6   4  58  29  +29  45
  4 Brokenarch                   23  13  5   5  39  25  +14  44
  5 AFC Shale                    23  11  7   5  36  20  +16  40
  6 East Laithland Harriers      23  11  7   5  42  27  +15  40
  7 Kommissar                    23  10  7   6  31  25   +6  37
  8 Brindleton                   23  10  6   7  33  24   +9  36
  9 Corvistone City              23  10  6   7  20  19   +1  36
 10 Hartford Glade               23   9  4  10  36  28   +8  31
 11 Crossroads Town              23   8  7   8  41  38   +3  31
 12 Martella Jazz                23   9  4  10  36  40   -4  31
 13 Coret Rovers                 23   9  4  10  27  35   -8  31
 14 Lindmark Falcons             23   9  4  10  33  42   -9  31
 15 Cranequin Souths             23   8  6   9  38  41   -3  30
 16 Riverkey Shells              23   8  4  11  41  51  -10  28
 17 Strephonage                  23   9  1  13  25  38  -13  28
 18 Caldwick Strand              23   6  8   9  29  35   -6  26
 19 Northside Eagles             23   6  5  12  29  41  -12  23
 20 Crownsend Journey            23   6  4  13  40  44   -4  22
 21 West Hook                    23   5  5  13  22  37  -15  20
 22 Constance Park               23   4  8  11  19  35  -16  20
 23 Sirencall FC                 23   4  8  11  23  40  -17  20
 24 Ringway                      23   4  5  14  17  39  -22  17

by **Nephara** » Tue Dec 08, 2020 5:37 am

Corvistone striker Babatunde Warrington’s PR team, which appears to consist of Babatunde Warrington, comes out with a diplomatic Twii: ‘Statement from the Baba: This punishment is with the heavy hands, because if you are watching you can see the Baba clearly did not throw to kill, na.’* Nevertheless, the Crows travel to Chenoworth without Warrington, and Tanith Carter pulls up in the buildup to give an unexpected start to Kirsten Tybalt as a 24th birthday present. That… turns into a nightmare. Six minutes in and six yards out from goal, Libuda nowhere, Tybalt finds her way onto a pass from Ulreich and somehow misses. Seventy minutes in, by which point clinical strikes from the edge of the box by veteran midfielders Coffey and Stensholt have put the Harriers 2-0 up, Tybalt is again played through on goal… and just stops for a fatal moment to trap the ball and really set her stance, allowing Victoria Carroll to catch up and blindside her with a perfectly-timed tackle. The Crows do ultimately pull one back, the Harriers’ failure to mark a corner costing them, and in injury time, Corsica Greene hacks out needlessly at Dimitra Karvelas. Crows penalty. Tybalt takes the ball, eager to make amends… and while her penalty isn’t terrible, it isn’t quite drilled into the corners, and it’s at a comfortable height, so within reach for Libuda to guess right and push the ball around the post.

Southfell manager George Jayson resigns after - despite? - the Cup win between league matches, citing a desire to ‘end on a high’. They go for the left-field option to fill the gap, taking on Volga Hoellerer, Alexis Spurlock’s assistant at Handon United. Just like last round, the result is a scoreless draw clinging more than a little to good luck and the shot-stopping of Ursula Gavaris. This time, though, it’s in a visit to Treason. Diamondqueen also keep Brinemouth quiet, though that’s less a virtuoso performance from Kay Szarbach and a more collective effort, players throwing themselves into tackles and blocks, Danitha Najzar sent off for a professional foul late on. It seems their luck runs out late on, when Tauscher’s cross caroms off Harker’s knee straight at goal… but a spectacular clawing save from Szarbach puts it over the crossbar, and there isn’t even time to take the corner. Stahlburg Rovers get an unlikely win against the Chariots, and while, yes, Dulcina Radcliffe was offside when she played in Sebring for the winner, Reinhard Drake talks for about twelve minutes about refereeing decisions evening themselves out in the end.

The dour but efficient Wardens are unfancied hosts for the tap-dancing midgets of Goodfeather, particularly a Goodfeather side ecstatic to see Tremeka Godwin return from injury. Godwin does indeed score, slickly converting a penalty won by strike partner Bastet North. It’s an 87th-minute consolation in a 4-1 defeat. Greygate are dominant all over the pitch, physically and tactically, with towering defensive midfielder Gareth Temple scoring his first two goals of the season with thrashed shots from well outside the box. Rebecca Kelsey’s Brookford get off to a strong start against Corvette, Annika Cashin putting them ahead in the 8th minute and then sent off in the 13th for a scything challenge on Amalia Florenzi - Corvette break through late on, Betancourt and Innes scoring in the 85th and 89th minutes as the exhausted Otters just can’t hold out to the end. North Sabrefell overtake Vermillion into the third and final promotion place, leaving it late - a game with a lot of promising build-up play but little end product settled in the end by a direct free kick from Fabrice Laramee.

Belgrave have been the quiet overachievers in the league. Backed by many to drop through the extended trapdoor this season, they’ve instead thrived, keeping cool heads as all those around them are losing theirs. They’re just ahead of Crisisbless, Athletic and the Moths. A side that’s relegation fodder on paper but thriving in practice? Sounds like they’re muscling in on Crisisbless United’s turf, but on a visit east they showcase precisely why the tables have turned, a composed, mature performance that gets off to a great start when Andrea Prentice hits the postage stamp with a 2nd-minute free kick. United’s plan to counter falls apart, and they’re dominated in midfield throughout, with Dathan Ingram’s brace putting Belgrave 3-0 up by the half before Andrea Krause, on the other flank, nips in at the far post to stab home a diagonal ball from Sander Costly to make it 4. Ronayne’s hit-and-hope consolation is nothing more, and barely even that.

Helping to burnish Lexus Ulreich’s legacy is the continued flakiness of the Moths, where his former boss Adalheid Metzelder is left gnawing her nails to the quick as a clinical Starling put them to the sword, 3-1 away from home. Four shots, three on target, three goals - an off-night for Markgraf between the sticks, not truly at fault for any, but could perhaps have done better on all. After the travails of Kirsten Tybalt, Corvistone understandably opt to start Rachel Arniston up front against Parrhesia; the Schottic star has invited comparisons to the ‘takilante’ role that’s starting to become a thing in Farfadillis. It also provides an opportunity to link back up with her countrywoman and mentor, the club legend Krista Morham, who takes up Arniston’s usual attacking midfield role. While old and immobile at this stage, Morham still plays three perfect passes for Arniston to lash home three perfect finishes in a 4-2 win. Iron City sink Stahlburg Rovers in a vital six-pointer, Remsza scything inside Svennsdottir and curling an exquisite strike past Laurnagaray for the only goal of the game, while the top-vs.-bottom clash between Brinemouth and the Harriers ends in a wholly predictable 3-0 win, though Sven Ascalon does at least hit a post against his former side. All this without mentioning Athletic’s 1-1 draw against Treason, which doesn’t feel much like a loss.

Greygate follow up their great success by thinking they’re in a place where they can rest players, even in a visit to Pillars of Southfell. They aren’t. Klaus Petriak is past-it, a couple others drafted in never had it, and a long diagonal ball from Tollett is unaccountably left undefended, the bouncing ball chested down and crashed in by Yorke. North Sabrefell concede twice from set pieces to drop the game to CNL, but Vermillion Wanderers in the chasing pack are outplayed comprehensively by Raven River, for whom Athena Sinodinos is fast becoming one of the best signings in recent memory. Granted, River’s recent memory has largely consisted of underachieving garbage, but hey, here they are. So that puts Leichhardt in a strong position, gliding into second place. with a 2-0 win over Mantlegrove. While they do disproportionately rely on Ernie Stevenson’s goal output, his 12 swell to 14 and another clean sheet for the increasingly safe hands of Laczko get the job done.

There’s still a feeling in Starling that they can lose track of games, just let things get away from them… and they do, early on against North Laithland. Their first mistake: scoring. What? No, but when a poor pass out of the back from Jaan is cut out by Flaxwood, who off-balance and off-the-cuff manages to play a scruffy through-ball for Riaz to drive past the furious Krieven, Starling are evidently inclined to rest on their laurel judging by the fact that Lilith Thornwood heads home an equaliser within a minute, before Jewell Foley drives home the second just three minutes later and, in failing to defend a long throw from Rashica, the Passerines open themselves up to Chloe Asquith smashing home a third in first-half injury time through a maze of bodies. In the first half of the season, perhaps, that would’ve been it - but now they have fight, and heart, and enough inside them to have overturned the deficit by the hour and to keep pressing, high and hard, before a gap opens up - again in injury time - for Nicki Stone to glide in unmarked through the ranks and drive home a clever disguised pass from substitute Eversong. Yes, Starling take three points, but perhaps more importantly, they prove a point.

Signs of recovery in Chenoworth? “These are signs of recovery,” insists Harriers manager Lienke Vesper after a narrow victory over Diamondqueen, a heavily deflected strike from captain Catheline Stensholt snatching the win late on. The Harriers play with ragged technique, but undoubted heart. Moreso, still, on the white half of the city, as the Rovers pulp Coret 3-0. That’s still remarkable as the Hawks dominate the first half, Cairbre Dundalk’s heroics between the sticks keeping the scores level going into the break before the Rovers come out with a vengeance in the second half, Vithoulkas, Forrest and Aravit hammering home what looks a convincing win. Vermillion crunch Crisisbless United 4-0 with Jonte Bestatter once again proving how astute a signing he was, while Parrhesia take a smash-and-grab win away from Brinemouth after the exhausted, foiled Dockers slip up late on the break, Kasmiir dispossessed by Mueller, teenage winger Isolde Reader racing onto the through-ball and driving past Heuser with the clinical edge and cool head of a veteran centre-forward.

Bishop fans are losing patience with Mixu Durran, despite his heroics last year. The Bishops are last. Their chances of survival, in this bizarre season, are astronomical. Their thin squad has been ravaged by injuries, and while Durran’s unearthed a couple of decent teenagers, they’re … teenagers. But today, against Alliance Barossia, that’s enough - more than enough. 18-year old Klaus Marvell excels at the back, and as overused as the phrase ‘imperious’ undoubtedly is, he gets his head in the way of a couple goalbound efforts. But one effort still spills through Strom’s legs. Good job, then, that there’s the lethal trident of Leskosek, Zender and the teenager Cassi Burbank in attacking midfield positions - each gets on the scoresheet in what winds up a 5-1 rout, smooth and confident play belying their position on the table. Vermillion get back to winning ways, smashing Chardonnay 3-0, while Brookford stall against Goodfeather to allow Leichhardt to creep up just three points shy of the top.

They leave it late… and, in proper Moths fashion, cheat to do so. Metropolis lead early through a Craviotto strike, deftly chested down and rifled home before anyone could react, but Shiloh Morgenstern craftily gives the Moths the means to pull back when he sends a lob not so much at Lyzolda Petrov as at Zarama’s arm. It pays off, in roundabout fashion. Markus Portsman saves Petrov’s penalty, but only palms it straight back where it came from, and Ysabet Belgrade sprints ahead of the rest to hammer in the rebound. Rook Timekeeper gets a second caution late on, but there’s time enough for Belgrade to wriggle clear of scrutiny down the right, cut inside and drive a vicious low shot home with her left boot to steal the late win.

As always, the country stops when the Sabrefell derby hits the streets, though it doesn’t stop Michael Brandon - Crisisbless manager, Brinemouth-raised - asking sarcastically why all the press focus is on a ‘midtable clash’. But both managers, Colbright and Metzelder, are confident this can be a springboard to the top. A flying save from Raluca Garamond prevents Lyzolda Petrov from opening the scoring in just the second minute, and Clevinger hooking the ball desperately down the left flank in reply leads to Gere pulling back for Katsura to smash home the opener. It’s a reversal that leaves the Moths stunned through the whole affair; Benezet and Petrov trade blows before a curling strike from Athletic’s deputy right winger Thisbe Rouvas puts the Rams in the driving seat leading into half-time. Rouvas in particular plays like a daemon in the second half, setting up Tomlinson and the substitute Violet Siverson to make it 5-1. By the time Roesler hits an injury-time consolation from just outside the box, several of the notoriously resilient away fans have already left.

Perhaps Brandon ought to be grateful; after all, scrutiny could instead have been placed on Crisisbless’ rather toothless 1-0 defeat to Treason. Treason have the better of the match throughout, but struggle to put shots on target as has been an issue for them all season. A strike lashed at goal by Jonsson stretches Na’Kefir, though, who can only parry down to Felix Sebastian, gamely following the ball in to smash home. Crisisbless have the ball in the net late on, Woakes playing in Marinkovic to thrash home an undeserved leveller, but she strayed offside in so doing and Treason keep the points. Tim Maitfield is welcomed warmly upon his return to Crisisbless United, who play out an amiable draw with Starling, Chenoworth prove the strongest of the Rovers with Jelena Aravit’s wonder-goal the only event of a dire match, while Brinemouth pulverise Belgrave 5-0 as their close control finds the tiny gaps in Belgrave’s midfield, time after time.

A day for the underdogs to bite back. Brookford fall victim to an anarchic day in Southfell, Pillars losing control but embracing it, three clinical finishes making the difference to snatch a point at the death, while the heroics of Greygate goalkeeper Onef Haessler help burnish a comfortable-looking win over Chatswood, winger Jadzia Starmer opening with a goal-of-the-season contender, a roundhouse-kick volley with such power to turn her away from the goal so she doesn’t even see it arc past Williams. Leichhardt fail to succumb to the banana skin, effortlessly beating Solitaire, but Bishop, not to be outdone, manage victory over the Strongest with a brace from Isla Leskosek, the one man of their one-man band.

Less cheating, more straightforward. Ashton forces Markgraf into a brilliant early save, but past that point it’s all Moths, Zuniga and Petrov doing the damage in the second half.

The round is oddly, relatively short of all-Premiership ties. Southfell dominate Iron, but it takes until injury time before Iron’s resistance is finally broken in cruel fashion, Olexander flapping at a cross from Anselm after 90 indomitable minutes and Petrarch Corbay kneeling to chest home the winner. Stahlburg City miss a near-identical chance to break a near-identical stalemate against Parrhesia, Strephon heading wide when it would have been easier to score, and they’re made to pay late on when Rosborough rolls back the years to split their exhausted back line and 20-year old Tricia Cray capitalises to score her first goal for the club. Autumnstone are the last 2Div side remaining in the competition, but Kurtis Mallory’s Archers are just not up to the task against Vermillion Rage, the difference of quality clear throughout in a 3-0 win; Goodfeather are ripped to shreds by Aries in a 5-1 rout, despite actually stealing the first goal of the night. Other 1Div sides fare rather better; North Sabrefell and Raven River put up respectable showings in defeat to Crisisbless and Crisisbless United, with Crisisbless - the white and blue ones - manager Michael Brandon admitting his side had to ‘dig deep’ to overcome the Bohemians’ 2-1 half-time lead, while CNL secure a proper smash-and-grab against Coret Hawks, Anibal Troche with a spectacular rabona from outside the box that stuns the crowd into silence as it lashes beyond Coleman, Anders Rowett superhuman at the other end backed up by Premiership rejects in Pepper and Fraser playing Praetorian. But the result everyone looks at comes in Sabrefell, with Athletic assuming they can finally rest players. They are wrong. Cypher Town do lean on a few excellent saves from Anna Rochester, yes - not evne the number 1, but hoping to convince the Eagles they don’t need a new ‘keeper in the offseasson when club legend Ruo finally retires. But their goals are both from open play, both following off composed sequences of confident short passing, with Ishtar and Whyte applying the finishing touches on the edge of the box and securing a memorable 2-0 win on enemy ground.

Second plays first, always hotly-anticipated. In the blue corner, five points clear at the top, are the visitors Brinemouth - apart from their abysmal international record, they’re doing about as well as expected of them, unlike most of the other heavy-hitters of whom only Treason are showing anywhere near the form they ought. In the orange corner, in second… are Vermillion Rage? Well, they are probably the most expected of unexpected overachievers, the kind of club who would do shit like this. The duel is Victoria Maersk, once picked up by North Sabrefell on a free transfer, against Brinemouth’s marquee man, rue Cazade… and tonight, rue Cazade falls silent. Apart from one flash of brilliance in the 8th minute, twirling past Maersk then cutting back inside of her, past her, and lashing the opening goal into the top corner past a stationary Hartnett. But Vermillion fight back, hard - not always fair, either. Teenage sensation leftback Radeka Lind whips in a cross and Bestatter rises highest to head home, though he appears to be grabbing Brosch’s hair as a boost. The referee doesn’t pick up on it, they go into the half level and that doesn’t last long, a close-range half-volley from Mrdja clawed away by Heuser but driven home on the rebound by Bestatter regardless, before Lind - again! - shapes to cross to trick Spencer, before dragging a ball across the edge of the box for Syrene Fleetwood to drive home. Brinemouth try and get back into the game - Kasmiir hits the post with a speculative effort, before an effort from Tauscher is clawed onto the crossbar by Hartnett and headed to safety by Cierra Anderson, before at long last Bryger Tidesson comes off the bench to smash one home with his first touch. But with ten minutes to spare, rue Cazade, frustrated by Maersk’s tender attentions, lashes out with an elbow. Maersk goes down, rue Cazade goes off, and Brinemouth’s chances die away.

What is it about Crisisbless United and conceding precisely four goals? Captain Tom Garner, model of consistency over the past few years, seems to have fallen off a cliff; certainly there’s nothing he can do against Southfell United, whose bold, attacking football against Volga Hoellerer takes the fight to the Chequers’ doorstep. Pretty much the entire game seems to take place in and around their box, and Rina Lazareva between the posts has an excellent game… just, is left totally exposed for two tap-ins and falls victim to two other wonder-strikes from midfielders nobody put pressure on. There’s more hope for the Harriers, who batter a rotated Saints side 3-0 as Ibolya Makai finally gets his third goal of the season, and the relief is clear on the beleagured striker’s face. Creed put the wind out of the Chariots’ sails, as they simply outlast a side that can’t put their myriad chances away. Camilla Martin gets one, and slots it away. Corvistone ease past Starling while Stahlburg City’s lack of bite up front and general negativity even on home soil means Crisisbless hold the initiative, and find a couple of openings through sheer quality alone.

4’: Kylene Rotariu wins a penalty, the big lass improbably bundled over by the miniscule Rain Methven. Converted easily by Cheney Masters. STR 1-0 GDF.
7’: Rotariu stands firm. Tamika Porter’s cross reaches her. She nods it in. STR 2-0 GDF.
9’: Hans Korchnoi hits the post. What the fuck is going on?
16’: Aloysian March mishits a cross. It flies over Brincat’s head anyway. STR 3-0 GDF.
25’: Poor composure from Marav sees her cough up possession to Sunstroem; deft one-two lets the Cosumarite winger slot a clinical ball underneath the outraged Leyland Brincat. STR 4-0 GDF.
31’: The Strongest rightback Marius Sanwald sent off for trying to murder Marav, running forward on the overlap.
37’: The chase begins. Lorzer’s shot is too hard for Verlinden to handle, Godwin bundles it home. STR 4-1 GDF.
45+1’: Penalty through a senseless handball from Peacock, the veteran fullback and Sanwald’s replacement. Good work, Bernard. Easily slotted home by Godwin. STR 4-2 GDF.
48’: Goodfeather fall asleep as Porter thwacks in a cross, and Rotariu is somehow allowed to chest down and hammer past Brincat from close range. STR 5-2 GDF.
49’: Fed up with Brincat, Loque impulsively calls on Anya Beraht to replace him in goal. She looks a little embarrassed when she realises she’s made a like-for-like defensive substitution when she needs three goals.
53’: Verlinden fails to properly either come out for or stay on the line for a diagonal from Lorzer; North eats it up. STR 5-3 GDF.
59’: North seems to get her second; she’s offside.
68’: North scores from an offside position again.
73’: Finally! A swerving volley from Shulthis. STR 5-4 GDF.
77’: Oh for fuck’s sake. Rotariu unmarked in the box; STR 6-4 GDF.
90+1’: Substitute Hecate Dransfeld smashes a piledriver into the top corner. North is flattened by Wiseman when she tries to get the ball back to the centre. It doesn’t matter. 6-5 is the final score.

A fairly routine win, started and finished by the defence; Gabriel Lockheed is a dominant figure at the back, and heads home a 12th-minute corner, with Accardi popping up at the far post to probably secure the tie late on.

The clash of the round is Crisisbless’ visit to the Moths, as both sides continue to try and find their feet. The formula just isn’t quite right for either side, though both managers have come out to vocally defend prize assets; Brandon defends lukewarm winger Spijkers as ‘a kid whose price tag is twice his age’, while Metzelder denies any talk of her favourite, Rook Timekeeper, being remotely in over his head. Timekeeper, in the event, plays exceptionally. Spijkers does not. The result is a hammering, a 4-0 hammering - though in fairness, it’s ‘just’ 2-0 leading into the hour, before Valeri Longship makes up for being beaten for pace by Shiloh Morgenstern with a homicidal challenge that sees her shown the door. Against ten, the Moths are ruthless, and only the increasingly incandescent Na’Kefir between the sticks keeps the score remotely respectable… but it is, in truth, a humiliation.

Brinemouth against Starling is a showcase of a team who have made it against a side of rapidly falling stars, though at least under Maitfield the defender Kawsu Kaba has regained his form. Twice he throws his body on the line to block surely goalbound efforts from rue Cazade and Tauscher… and it doesn’t matter, because rue Cazade curls one beyond Smordal on the hour before Jackson takes advantage of a slip from callow leftback Caracal Page to drill one between Smordal’s feet. Vermillion Rage remain hot in the chase, an easy, routine win over Diamondqueen. When things are looking easy or routine for Vermillion, this is an unusually strong vintage. Aries bury Parrhesia 5-1, though two of their goals come through Ihazintzu Malkorra having a moment of magic enabled by Ihazintzu Malkorra elbowing Nikki Freeman in the teeth; the Harriers claw three more much-needed points back thanks to the bold move to bring forward ‘keeper Libuda for the final corner with the scores level. Libuda gets nowhere near the ball, of course, but it might well have made some kind of Sound-of-Thunder impact elsewhere in the box as Tristram dithers on her line and Letang heads home the winner.

Armstrong fail to score for a third straight match, though given the opposition it’s forgivable - a resurgent Leichhardt with eyes on the prize - and they’d certainly have taken it in the 81st minute, when Ernie Stevenson stepped up for a penalty. But the cocky Hapilopper international goes for … well, he goes for something, and lofts the spot-kick into the stands. Neither pace, accuracy or trickery - a remarkably shit pen. In a clash at the top, Chatswood eke out a narrow win over Brookford, who were denied an equaliser at the death when Annika Cashin plays home Turner from an offside position; Greygate again turn on the style and hammer Alliance 4-1, while Bishop get a rare result in a weirdly comfortable 3-1 win over North Sabrefell.

The Stags have been somewhat out of sorts this season, yes, but they can still grind out an ugly away result when they have to. Felix Sebastian ploughs a lonely furrow up front, right up until a missed header from a Cyrene defender lets him pounce. It’s his only shot on target of the match, and it’s all he needs to secure the tie.

You love-hate to see it, but looking at the top end of the table, it’s starting to look a bit more… normal. The big six are all by now in the top ten, at most two points out of the IFCF places. Brinemouth remain the standout favourites for the title, a straightforward win in Southfell matched by Vermillion’s dogged 1-0 win over the Harriers, while Aries leave it ‘til a late brace from sprightly young midfielder Purna Zazagan snatches glory away from Chenoworth Rovers to keep the established top three in situ. Treason already faced a hard job breaking into that, and that was before a dismal scoreless draw against Iron City. Stahlburg City cream the Rovers 4-0 in a thoroughly one-sided Stahlburg derby, one from which Kresimir Brujah is suspended and so cannot collect his traditional pointless red card for attempted homicide; but of course there must still be one, and it falls to Else Svennsdottir for clattering Delfour to the delfloor and following up by planting her studs in his inner thigh. Corvistone edge out Sabrefell Athletic late on, Niedermayer with a very Hadrian Belfast-like performance; scoring the winning goal off a corner, making sure it stayed the winning goal due to a blatant professional foul that sees him sent off with a clap on the shoulder. Crisisbless annihilate North Laithland to round out the top seven.

Coret Hawks are left to look over their shoulder, just three points away from danger and doing precisely nothing to dispel that notion as the Moths crush them 4-0. Daniel Archer is less than impressed; “Everything that could be aligned to being good at football, we did it worse and less and they did it better and more. They ran harder, they shot better, they defended more intelligently, we were a shitshow. Only good thing about the game is it’s over.” Injuries certainly haven’t helped - Konrad Vornander’s been absent most of the season, and they’ve badly missed his stability at the back - but right now it’s the strike pairing of Romaine and Saara that are keeping their heads above water. Diamondqueen, easily beaten by Starling, are also just above danger, with Creed succumbing to a sad defeat in the Laith to occupy the playoff place. At Southfell, worries are starting to accumulate, while United have been unable to arrest their slump. The Harriers, Iron and Stahlburg Rovers are all running badly out of time.

Things are deliciously open at the top in 1Div, with Chatswood narrowing the gap to the Otters by a point as Brookford come aground in Armstrong. Sure, the Paladins are still in the engorged drop zone, a mediocre season under normal circumstances threatening disaster, but they have what it takes to just leave no gaps for an Otters attack that loves to drive into space that is not, tonight, there. Chatswood’s win over Alliance is easy, and also lifts them two points above Leichhardt, who are far less than prolific and split the points in Cranequin. Corvette leave it late to beat Chardonnay, Darren Halfhill rushed back from injury to come off the bench and save the day, while Goodfeather recover from their recent humiliations to beat North Sabrefell. And yet, with how this season is going, none of those sides could wind up promoted; it’s anyone’s game, just thirteen points splitting first from 11th, and nobody’s giving up hope. At the bottom, Aries try to defy talk of doom and gloom with a late winner over CNL, but Bishop and Pillars can probably already start to plan for the third tier, with Rochford and Bridge already in a hole, though Bridge getting one over Vermillion Wanderers and former manager Jakob Mortimer was a nice jolt to the heart.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               30  20   4   6  73  27  +46  64
  2 Vermillion Rage          30  19   5   6  57  29  +28  62
  3 Aries Chariots           30  18   5   7  54  33  +21  59
  4 AFC Treason              30  14  10   6  30  22   +8  52
  5 Stahlburg City           30  15   6   9  38  25  +13  51
  6 AFC Corvistone           30  14   6  10  55  43  +12  48
  7 Crisisbless              30  12  10   8  49  32  +17  46
  8 Starling                 30  14   4  12  49  44   +5  46
  9 Sabrefell Athletic       30  12   9   9  48  44   +4  45
 10 Sabrefell Moths          30  13   5  12  48  37  +11  44
 11 Belgrave                 30  14   2  14  46  49   -3  44
 12 North Laithland          30  13   4  13  42  51   -9  43
 13 Newrook City             30  10  11   9  39  36   +3  41
 14 Parrhesia United         30  12   4  14  43  52   -9  40
 15 South Laithland          30   9  10  11  31  33   -2  37
 16 Chenoworth Rovers        30   8  12  10  34  43   -9  36
 17 Coret Hawks              30  10   5  15  43  54  -11  35
 18 Diamondqueen             30  10   5  15  37  57  -20  35
 19 Creed United             30   9   7  14  28  36   -8  34
 20 Southfell United         30   8   8  14  36  40   -4  32
 21 Crisisbless United       30   8   6  16  36  60  -24  30
 22 Chenoworth Harriers      30   8   5  17  28  48  -20  29
 23 Iron City                30   6   9  15  19  36  -17  27
 24 Stahlburg Rovers         30   7   2  21  33  65  -32  23

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookford Otters           30  16  10   4  56  30  +26  58
  2 Chatswood                  30  18   3   9  44  21  +23  57
  3 Leichhardt                 30  15  10   5  37  24  +13  55
  4 Corvette Maulers           30  16   6   8  41  34   +7  54
  5 Goodfeather FC             30  15   6   9  61  41  +20  51
  6 Vermillion Wanderers       30  15   6   9  47  28  +19  51
  7 Raven River                30  14   7   9  48  40   +8  49
  8 North Sabrefell            30  15   3  12  40  36   +4  48
  9 Mantlegrove                30  13   7  10  34  30   +4  46
 10 Cranequin Wanderers        30  12   9   9  36  27   +9  45
 11 Cypher Town                30  12   9   9  36  34   +2  45
 12 Barossia United            30  11   7  12  39  35   +4  40
 13 Chardonnay Rangers         30  11   6  13  44  49   -5  39
 14 Corinthians No Longer      30   9  10  11  34  38   -4  37
 15 AFC Serpentine             30  10   7  13  41  49   -8  37
 16 Armstrong                  30   9   9  12  32  37   -5  36
 17 The Strongest              30  10   6  14  43  57  -14  36
 18 Greygate                   30  10   5  15  43  50   -7  35
 19 Alliance Barossia          30  11   2  17  28  49  -21  35
 20 AFC Rochford               30   7  11  12  32  39   -7  32
 21 Gonen's Bridge             30   8   8  14  30  45  -15  32
 22 Aries Solitaire            30   7   8  15  33  47  -14  29
 23 Bishop                     30   6   8  16  36  51  -15  26
 24 Pillars of Southfell       30   4   9  17  23  47  -24  21

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            30  21   3   6  45  22  +23  66
  2 Morningstar               30  19   6   5  62  24  +38  63
  3 Locksley                  30  19   6   5  67  40  +27  63
  4 Peregrine                 30  19   5   6  62  31  +31  62
  5 Crisisbless Athletic      30  17   5   8  54  37  +17  56
  6 Hackett                   30  16   7   7  46  24  +22  55
  7 Boltcroft Thorns          30  15   9   6  50  31  +19  54
  8 Falston United            30  14   7   9  35  33   +2  49
  9 West Brinemouth           30  12   9   9  37  32   +5  45
 10 Dartmouth Terriers        30  11   9  10  38  33   +5  42
 11 Ritter Town               30  11   7  12  51  38  +13  40
 12 Gosmouth Swans            30  11   7  12  35  42   -7  40
 13 Riverkey                  30   9   9  12  28  32   -4  36
 14 Stonegrave                30   9   9  12  26  32   -6  36
 15 Autumnstone               30  10   5  15  46  43   +3  35
 16 Ingram Township           30  10   5  15  27  38  -11  35
 17 Rochford Pilgrims         30   9   5  16  30  54  -24  32
 18 Sheridan                  30   7  10  13  21  30   -9  31
 19 Lazuli Diamonds           30   9   4  17  36  54  -18  31
 20 Mapleford                 30   8   6  16  29  51  -22  30
 21 Ballardine FC             30   7   7  16  25  47  -22  28
 22 Kensey Town               30   6   6  18  26  59  -33  24
 23 The Hanged Man            30   4  11  15  21  37  -16  23
 24 Extreme Hills             30   5   7  18  31  64  -33  22

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lockheed Zenith              30  20   6   4  67  34  +33  66
  2 New Oakstone Phoenix         30  18   7   5  79  35  +44  61
  3 AFC Shale                    30  16   9   5  47  22  +25  57
  4 Brokenarch                   30  16   7   7  50  32  +18  55
  5 Southriver                   30  16   5   9  42  28  +14  53
  6 Kommissar                    30  15   8   7  44  34  +10  53
  7 East Laithland Harriers      30  15   7   8  55  38  +17  52
  8 Brindleton                   30  13   8   9  42  32  +10  47
  9 Crossroads Town              30  11  10   9  55  45  +10  43
 10 Cranequin Souths             30  12   6  12  50  55   -5  42
 11 Martella Jazz                30  11   8  11  47  50   -3  41
 12 Corvistone City              30  10  10  10  26  32   -6  40
 13 Lindmark Falcons             30  11   7  12  41  48   -7  40
 14 Northside Eagles             30  11   6  13  44  52   -8  39
 15 Coret Rovers                 30  10   7  13  33  44  -11  37
 16 Strephonage                  30  11   4  15  32  47  -15  37
 17 Hartford Glade               30  10   5  15  44  44   +0  35
 18 Caldwick Strand              30   8  11  11  39  45   -6  35
 19 Riverkey Shells              30   8   7  15  51  69  -18  31
 20 Sirencall FC                 30   6  10  14  32  54  -22  28
 21 Crownsend Journey            30   7   6  17  46  54   -8  27
 22 Constance Park               30   5  11  14  24  46  -22  26
 23 West Hook                    30   5   8  17  27  47  -20  23
 24 Ringway                      30   5   7  18  22  52  -30  22

* This written by Osarius on the Discord.

by **Nephara** » Sun Dec 13, 2020 3:43 am

A Crisisbless derby sees the white and blue in the ascendancy and United trying to halt a backslide. For the Chequers, the issue is pretty simple, and thrown into sharp relief within the first half. Tactically, the side’s basically the same as it was for the start of the season. Or the end of last season. But under Maitfield, Brielle Strebinger has the confidence to drill an early, unmarked shot under Na’Kefir, not wide. Under Maitfield, Tom Garner commits to a challenge against countrywoman Woakes, doesn’t let her dance past him and blaze one into the top corner. And under Maitfield, Rina Lazareva comes out for a Bowman cross, doesn’t dither and simply let Germain head home. Andressa Stand does pull back a goal in world-on-her-shoulders form, dragging possession off the lingering Luhukay, racing past Kastriot and ripping a high strike past the helpless Na’Kefir. A glimmer of hope… one put out just two minutes later when yet again the crisis of confidence tells, Coles is caught in possession by the opportunistic Spijkers, who hammers home the decisive third off the underside of the crossbar.

Brinemouth face off against the Rams hoping to defend a strong lead at the top of the table, and like the Chequers go down two goals fairly early on, Kotaro Katsura running the show in the first half. Unlike the Chequers, the Dockers have players who can conjure moments of magic and save the day; lightning strikes from Tauscher and Saitou take a not-especially-deserved point away from the game. It’s still two points dropped, as Aries make heavy weather of Belgrave but still eventually get through, Pryna Rasanamira proving her grit by pushing past two men to nod home a stoppage-time corner, while Vermillion face off against an obstructive-to-blatantly-cheating Parrhesia. In the first hour, against eleven men, there’s no way through; by the end, against nine, a looping header from substitute Danica Heward finally gets the better of Laisne. The Harriers scrape a point against Starling thanks to Olwen North’s shot taking two massive deflections in the box on its way past Smordal, while Southfell show some life under Volga Hoellerer and put Diamondqueen to the sword in a 3-0 win.

Armstrong and Cranequin face off, both badly in need of a boost. Armstrong think they have an edge early on, a corner that the usually rock-solid Butcher air-swings at, somehow winding up bundled in by Asbjornsson. There’s just one problem - hulking target man Pawnbroker wrestling goalkeeper Shanna Cotton to the floor is, just a bit, a foul. Armstrong’s concussive playstyle still gets them level into the half, but Cranequin’s composure pays off in the second half, crisply-taken strikes from the veteran Plibersek and the sprightly Forde making the difference. Pillars get another point in a frustrating draw with North Sabrefell, Leichhardt fizzle out in a scoreless draw with Vermillion Wanderers while the only goal in a perhaps-pivotal promotion chase between Mantlegrove and Corvette comes in the 72nd minute. Basalaj brings down Brady Innes in the box, no controversy there, and the Maulers slot home the penalty, but Darren Halfhill’s “hop, skip and a jump”, in the derisive words of Dryads manager Constantine Beckett, “makes him look a right berk.”

Southfell United are trying very hard not to become a cautionary tale. The side that held faith in the nexus and refused to reinvest for years and years, now battling not to be brought low by the expanded trapdoor. Injuries haven’t helped. Angela Spyrakis, 34 as of last week, is a serviceable enough goalkeeper with experience at this level, but is still beaten too easily at her near post when Roxana Coffey’s played through by fellow former-international veteran winger Exarchopolous, and simply goes low with power. Too easy, and that puts the Harriers 1-0 up by 20 minutes, a lead they keep hold of through the first half and then past the hour, threatening to extend it. Makai does smash a theoretical second home, only to look positively heartbroken when he sees the flag’s up for offside. And then comes the punishment. Two perfectly-weighted through-balls by Kyshoen Nagy, two lethal finishes from the young substitute striker Petrarch Corbay, three points won and one point proven: they still have the quality to break teams in a heartbeat.

The Sabrefell giants have a fun time getting to play the flat-track bully. Iron City win an early penalty against the Moths, Alexandra Markgraf coming out too fast and too strong and clattering the inexperienced and largely ineffectual winger Sylvester Mullen. Isla Snowpoint steps up for the penalty, normally so reliable if slow and somewhat limited at this level… and pulls it wide. Iron don’t recover; they’re 5-0 down by the half, a withering array of chances smashed in at the other end, and there’s a final sixth, a trickling own goal from the rather un-aptly named Constance Best. Athletic, meanwhile, make fairly short work of a Diamondqueen side that, as manager Elaine Koeller ruefully observed, “came out against Premiership opposition to play Premiership football with Conference hesitation.” Chenoworth Rovers haven’t had a lot to get excited about this season, but Cairbre Dundalk’s form between the posts has to qualify as one of them. The Rovers’ one shot on target is a forceful downward header by Brayden Custworth that’s too hot for Clavel to handle, while Dundalk makes nine saves at the other end, including a spectacular double to deny Idai Uster, to intensify his claims for a Brenecia callup.

As always, the Strongest tend to attract somewhat liminal matches, but this one’s straightforward enough as the vastly superior Otters put six past the beleagured Elaine Verlinden. Really, the breakthrough star is Linoan Waters - the fringe Brenecia international on the right wing - who proves time and again she’s too good for this level, dancing and weaving in and out of the exhausted leftback Aloysian March, driving home two goals and two assists by the end and getting a standing ovation from the away fans upon being subbed off in the 76th. The battle of the Wanderers sees Vermillion come out ahead, and through a throwback, too - Catric Pinnon, 35 and past it, abruptly smashing a piledriver in off the underside of the bar to settle affairs late on, giving himself a little fistpump as he turned away. Corvette slip up against Serpentine in luckless fashion, the normally excellent goalkeeper Marisnick letting a feeble shot from Marc trickle weakly and horribly between his legs, while Rochford have something exciting happen for once! Scylla Perish is sent off for two cautions within six minutes in a scoreless draw against Solitaire.

Two Nepharan sides visit Kelssek at the same time, a funny little coincidence thrown up by the fixture generator. With the coefficient in ruins, or at least on track to slip out of top spot, Crisisbless restore some pride for a nation whose current favourite to win the league managed precisely a single point from a possible 18 in the groups with a decisive 3-0 win in Burnaby. And the less said about Treason’s involvement, or continued existence as a football club, the better!

Make that three Nepharan sides in Kelssek. An anarchic game allows young guns like Marius Cervenka to thrive. With the Harriers’ troubles in front of goal plain to all, maybe they should give the 22-year old a shot after a brace borne of good pace and clever movement secures an away win.

But who even needs or cares about the IFCF when there’s the ancillary competitions to conquer? The Cup Winners Cup often finds itself with underdogs infiltrating the later reaches, but this, the Moths against Directus, could be a worthy semifinal in the Champions Cup. Directus are favourites, packed with elite veterans, including the fresh trident of Hawke, Martel-Burns and Strongbow that are unencumbered by international football and all the more deadly for it, though the first great chance of the game comes when the overlap and overload from nominal leftback Deli Acs cuts open the Moths’ defence. Unfortunately for Directus, the Pasargan can only shoot straight at Markgraf. They don’t find an easy opening again, while the Moths’ confident play - in particular the domineering Kateryna Zuniga, though she’s forced off with an injury after 79 minutes - opens up the field. Swansea Reach takes advantage of an injury-enforced start to swat one into the top corner on the edge of halftime before, not long into the second half, deft interplay between Zuniga, Bruun and Belgrade makes an opening for Lyzolda Petrov, silent in the first half, deadly with her first touch of the second. A towering header from Hawke late on threatens an away goal, but Markgraf scrambles to tip it over and there’s not even time for a final corner.

A thunderous shot from Damian Bowman and hard-nosed, disciplined defence mean that Crisisbless bring down Brinemouth, opening up a chance for the Chariots and for Vermillion… against one another. Oh dear. For the first time all season, the pressure seems to get to both high-flying sides, the ball bogged down in midfield, nobody feeling confident in playing forward passes. Vermillion’s young sensation at leftback, Radeka Lind, puts Senninger to full stretch to claw a long shot from the top corner, but that’s about it. It’s the young bloods who step up in the second half, with Purna Zazagan setting up overlapping rightback Fiora Anders to pull the trigger within seconds of the restart, but the exhausted defender produces an exhausted defender’s finish, blazing Aries’ best chance over the bar before falling over, Lind protesting her innocence. Vermillion ease into the ascendancy, and a goal feels inevitable despite many fine saves from Fasolt Senninger. When Fifield splits their defence and Bestatter and Mrdja race free of any red shirt, well, it’s a foregone conclusion. Senninger has to commit, Bestatter slides it across and Mrdja slides home the only goal of the game.

South Laithland against Treason is one of many hot-blooded encounters Treason have to endure. Makes you wonder: is the fact that like nine teams hate and want to destroy Treason, while nobody really cares about Brinemouth (except West Brinemouth, which… you have to laugh) a competitive advantage for the Dockers? South Laithland cheat and bruise relentlessly, and poor finishing at a couple decisive openings from Uster lets down the Stags. Stahlburg Rovers massacre Crisisbless United 4-0, and Ole Oehman just looks helplessly out of his depth on the sideline. Nothing’s going right! Karla Sebring celebrates her 30th birthday by slicing open United at will… a 30-year old winger who’s been relegated twice from the second tier, for Christ’s sake. They can’t even get a consolation, Riverina Bray butchering a late opportunity handed to her by the generosity of the Rovers’ defence. The Harriers let a 3-1 lead slip to lose to Athletic, while teenage striker Nikita Malvick salvages a late point for Diamondqueen against North Laithland. Only her second Premiership goal, followed by injuring herself in the goal celebration.

Plenty of slips at the top, Chatswood alone cruising through a genuine banana skin in North Sabrefell. Nova Williams doesn’t face a shot from inside the box, though Fabrice Laramee tests her a couple times outside it; still, at the other end, Woodrow and Herron get it sorted with close-range tap-ins in the second half. But Leichhardt come unstuck against Cypher Town, thanks in large part to Ruo Xiaolan’s brilliant reflexes, thanks also to Ernie Stevenson missing an open goal from two yards out, even if he did have to slide in in chase of the cross, even if, he insists, there was a slight bobble. Points dropped compared to the Woodsmen, but a point gained relative to Brookford, rotating out striker Aurora Jewel for the visit of Barossia United and made to pay as Helmina Turner endures a beleagured 90 minutes, her every touch slightly off. Pillars win a game. Hard not to at least remark on that, and it’s bad news for an inconsistent Chardonnay.

And another one bites the dust. But a heavily-rotated Crisisbless endure defeat on home soil, and they alone will carry the banner going forward, at least in IFCF.

On home soil, the Vesper/Vyntra axis is willing to risk more of their key players to try and get some confidence back. An assured showing and 3-0 win showcase the Harriers’ too often unrealised potential, and Ibolya Makai’s goal should hopefully spark something.

The Moths are known as street rats. They play hard, play rough, play dirty. Unashamedly going out to spoil, with Timekeeper and Vintner as an unforgiving double pivot, they snag an early away goal when Directus overextend and get slaughtered on the counter, a long hoof from Brabanzon to towering half-satyr Roesler, who heads on through for Lyzolda Petrov to administer the crippling knife between the ribs. Martel-Burns wrestles possession off a careless Jabelon before smashing home a leveller on the hour, but it’s too much to bring back.

So what has been so good about the Chariots this season? A visit to the Gauntlet quickly splits opinions in to the ‘they’re gonna be found out horribly’ camp vs. the ‘hey, they’re in form and Treason can’t score for shit’ camp. What arises is a disjointed game that’s constantly nearly split open by moments of inspiration. Here’s Ivana Tokich dropping the shoulder and slipping between Robshaw and Rauch, who practically run into each other in slapstick fashion, before she screws her shot wide. Here’s an unexpected overhead kick from the ungainly John Fletcher that quick reactions from Fasolt Senninger manage to push onto the bar. Predictably, it comes down to a long throw from Baldomero Teijeiro, chested down and passed back by Coleman, and the Farfish leftback hits and hopes and curls one beyond Clavel for the decisive, and only, goal. Treason’s goalless run now extends to three league games.

Southfell continue to haul themselves out of relegation danger, meeting Belgrave from the northern end of the canal, and ripping them apart. Their key weapon under Volga Hoellerer has quickly become a counterattack, with young Petrarch Corbay getting most of the attention but Lieschen Kuzener, today, firing home all three of the Tanners’ goals. Too often Belgrave try to play their way out of trouble and get caught out, most egregiously with Leda Tristram being tackled by Kuzener in the 78th minute - the young striker just rolls the ball home while laughing, seemingly genuinely unable to believe her luck. Crisisbless United, by contrast, continue trying to mire themselves in trouble, rolling around in filth and setting themselves on accelerated fire, a shitshow of a defensive performance taken advantage of mercilessly by Manahaal Brimorii, Iron City’s big man up-front. Meanwhile, in Corvistone, Babatunde Warrington scores twice against Stahlburg Rovers and is sent off with a second caution for dissent, apparently for demanding why the referee didn’t celebrate his goal with him. In fairness, it was a hell of a scorpion kick.

Bishop and Solitaire may be slumming it at the wrong end of the table, but it appears they can still have fun from time to time. A breathless 4-4 draw shows that a few of their players, at least, are at home at this level; yes, people won’t shut up about Bishop winger Leskosek, but it’s for good reason, while the pinpoint deliveries of old-school Solitaire winger Keshet Brenner also prove worth attention. Even if the defending on both sides is fucking abject. Goodfeather get hammered 4-0 out of nowhere by Serpentine, even a Serpentine side down to 10 men for the last eight minutes. No matter, the damage is done by then, and everyone’s trying to work out what’s happened. United win the Battle of the Barossias, in conclusive fashion. It’s simply a matter of outmuscling, leading shots and fouls by a massive margin en route to a 3-0 thumping.

At the quarterfinal stage, the draw finally stops being randomised at every stage and settles down into a sure thing. This edition, it settles down into something grossly imbalanced. On one half of the draw, two unexpected frontrunners for the league, one expected but unfulfilled frontrunner for the league, and CNL for some reason. On the other, two relegation battles, a 1Div side and a midtable Premiership side. But for Parrhesia fans thinking they could just breeze through to the final, Southfell dash any hopes of an easy win by cantering to a 3-0 lead inside the first 70 minutes, with only a late, desperate diving header from teenage winger Isolde Reader - throwing herself into the path of Nathan Ellis’ boot, and bleeding extensively for it - giving the Saints a chance. An imploding Crisisbless United make relatively short work of Cypher Town, putting out a full-strengh side to do so… and mostly looking exhausted, but okay, Lukas Antelmi’s thunderbastard is enough to beat Rochester. In the good half of the draw, meanwhile, Aries clamp down after an early tap-in from Coleman, much to every neutral’s disappointment, while Crisisbless look easily the safest bet to progress, even if the ex-Corinthians made them sweat for it. A scruffy near-post tap-in by Drea Bouman, who actually hit the post at the first time of asking, and then a whole lot of good old-fashioned throwing-bodies-in-the-way defending. They even have a somewhat okay claim for a late penalty, but wily veteran Siri Cattalock was deemed to have made rather too much of shoulder-to-shoulder contact.

A genuine marquee clash. And, yes, the day does belong to Eurans… specifically, to Bobby Malone and Vincent Robshaw. Malone gets the better of Acs, one of the world’s premier leftbacks, consistently finding the spaces in behind and while he might not technically get a goal or assist on the night, the clever young winger’s behind everything good. Robshaw, though, is a triumph in midfield; dominating elite opposition, bulldozing the likes of Patterson and Strongbow, and twice in the second half managing the late runs into the box through tired bodies to administer ruthless, powerful finishes that his predecessor, Lothaire Cromwell, so excelled at. That turns 1-1 into 3-1, and puts the Stags in a good position going into the next leg.

Finally, panic is starting to settle in Crisisbless United. A win in Cypher didn’t accomplish much for their confidence, it seems, as they roc up to the far northwest only to get their teeth smacked out. Missing Alex Coles through injury, Dreider and Alphonse insist on playing like him anyway, and are non-coincidentally both rushed down into making possession errors repeatedly by Creed’s hard-pressing forwards Martin and Burgess. Once, it leads to a goal, another comes off more miscellaneous sloppy defending, a third is in ludicrous circumstances as Rivers’ cross caroms off Dreider’s arse right into the path of Ashara Szuban, who rifles home. By the time Barbarouses has made it four, well… what conclusion can you draw, really? Safe to say the switch to Brandon Connell in goal, a 33-year old veteran, did not pay off.

So United have lost their last eight league games, by a combined 3-22 score… and even after their last point, against Starling, over the course of Oehman’s 11 games in charge they were rock-bottom of the form table. Southfell were second-worst over that stretch… and beat the Chequers 4-0 in their very next game to kickstart their own recovery. Oehman has to go, and duly does. By contrast, a rather less farcical affair plays out in Treason. Cheney Bittencourt emphasises calm (!) and restraint (!) as the Smiths, their hated rivals, come a-calling. For the first time in what feels like a long while, there’s no red cards, not even really any senseless fouls not committed by Kresimir Brujah, who is insane and does not count. 1-1 winds up being the scoreline, the same scoreline as it was at half-time in South Laithland’s hosting the Moths. It is not the same scoreline as at full-time of South Laithland’s hosting the Moths; Lyzolda Petrov comes off the bench to score with her left foot, right foot and, uh, arm, to manage two goals and a third chalked off. Not to worry, as Roesler and fellow substitute Majerle get the job done late on, 5-1 the final score.

Do not question Goodfeather’s powers of recovery. Okay, yes, it’s only Solitaire, and they even start the game poorly. Bastet North hits a post early on when it would be easier to score, and only a favourable ricochet allows Mizumaru to convert on the follow-up… and then within three minutes, Solitaire hit back, Brenner setting up Coen, Coen returning the favour cleverly for the winger to slot past Brincat’s near post. All smiles for Solitaire, and then hulking satyr defender Kalia Tolsii heads home a corner on the brink of half-time and Solitaire, well, fold. Like a house of cards. And North scores a hat-trick in the second half to secure a 5-1 win. Leichhardt edge out the Vale derby despite missing Ernie Stevenson to injury, a deft half-volley from Castor Meier proving enough, while Chatswood slip to a third draw in four against the Rangers.

The Chariots and Rage mutually go crazy. The Chariots start out playing fairly conservative, defensive football. Ha! They have an away goal, the advantage is decisive, and then Vermillion score twice in the first ten minutes, so the Chariots have to score twice in the next fifteen minutes and the pace doesn’t really slow down much from there, until Rowena Sierra’s left to haul her exhausted carcass up in stoppage time and fucking spank home a shot, while screaming, from thirty yards or so to finally put the tie to bed. 5-4 it ends, 6-4 on aggregate. Crisisbless observe that their opponents are playing a 35-year old Brenecian utility woman on the left wing, and have no fear. But Cattalock does give them an early scare; her cross is overzealously scuffed at by Parrish, a ball he didn’t need to go for, and headed into the crossbar. Troche gets onto the rebound but is unable to get a shot away before bodies crowd him out, and that’s the closest CNL get to either of the goals they need in a dull, disciplined draw. Parrhesia pull back level on aggregate by half-time, leading on away goals… and then run out of steam, scythed through by yet more of Nagy’s perfect passes and enigmatic smiles to the camera, losing the tie fairly decisively in the end. Crisisbless United, meanwhile, win with a heavily rotated side under a caretaker manager as they await their third of the season. Young guns Ulmer and Vossler make the difference on the night.

Estrella Hawke takes any complacency out of Treason’s sails by plugging a goal back just five minutes in, chesting down a diagonal ball from Strongbow, pausing just enough to put Murje off her stride on the approach before hammering a shot beyond Clavel. Treason clamp down from there, and the first half fizzles out. Directus still need a goal, and get it in the 48th minute. Strongbow’s initial shot is too hot for Clavel to handle, and he fumbles only to be bailed out by Lockheed… but Strongbow’s resulting corner is headed home forcefully by centre-half Ralf Bader. Treason pick themselves up and battle back. Up goes John Fletcher, the formation switches to 4-4-2, and Kelly McInnes lumps one up. Fletcher rises high, nods down, Idai Uster slips away from - yes - Bader, and with an inch of space and a half-second of time, stabs home the goal that takes Treason to the final.

It’s widely reported that Crisisbless United’s first choice of a firefighter is Jessica Loque, a seasoned campaigner doing great things with Goodfeather… and she turns them down flat. They wind up with Cyrus Kroger, the guy Leichhardt sacked three games into the season. Fan reception is… lukewarm. But he does at least arrest the immediate slide, albeit, uhm… doing so with a weird 4-6-0 formation, with the closest thing to a striker being wingers Swanmore and Ronayne. It’s Ronayne who scores early against Chenoworth Rovers, and while the veteran Sabrina Patton pulls one back just after the hour, hey, it’s a point, they’d started to forget what those looked like.

The Laithland derby is a good bit of fun, albeit not with a whole lot riding on it this season. That’s bad news for the North, great news for the South and fantastic news for 20-year old Southrons striker Manna Radler, who has taken advantage of Aron Riise’s injury and the relatively low stakes to force her way into the team. Her silky finish combines with the more traditional value of blinding pace to give the Southrons a way back into the game slipping away by half-time. “Technique and control are no match for being really, really fucking fast,” she boasts to the press after her brace steals a share of the points. The Rams stir the pot with a convincing 3-0 win over Vermillion Rage, Thibault Benezet at his mesmerising best in his flexible, floating role on the right side of attack, Rage failing to find answers as he chips in a goal and two deft little assists, while the Moths prove they can get it done dirty too with a bitty, niggly 1-0 win over Treason. For the first time in living memory, fault lies with Stags keeper Clavel; Petrov’s shot from the edge of the box is just too hot to handle, and he paws his parry only as far as Shiloh Morgenstern, who smashes home the only goal. Coret turn on the class and batter the Harriers 4-1, while Stahlburg Rovers get a rare win against a disjointed Diamondqueen side who are unrecognisable from their confident early form.

Predictably, there isn’t much talk about how Chardonnay midfielder Hans Kattis dominates the centre of the park against a far better-credentialled Brookford, or about Bryony Lindt clawing a headed corner out of the top corner just three minutes into the game, or Alessa Bernat’s sumptuous late half-volley. Not much talk about the Rangers, really, in their own 3-0 victory, because the pervasive narrative is just that Brookford continue to be bizarrely flaky. Mantlegrove do what they do and shake things up at the top, Yolanda Sparrow chipping Williams from just inside the box to secure a win against Chatswood, while River absolutely bury Alliance 5-1 in a match which does showcase what, on a good day, the deeply mercurial Ferrymen are capable of.

The Heelers brave freezing rain, lashing winds, relentless sleet, the looming shadow of kraken and many large men to snatch a grim 1-0 win in Graentfjall. Germain drifts down the left and puts in a perfect cross for Quintero, drifting inside, to head home.

For the third time in four league games, Treason front up to a team that loathe them. This time it’s North Laithland, very much the intermediate of the threats compared to Stahlburg City (ooh!) and South Laithland (ehh.), currently floating in midtable and one of very few sides this season who can just kind of afford to do whatever. Right now, ‘whatever’ means a midfield diamond, or really more a midfield square, with Moritz and Marrable acting as a double-pivot of spoilers and Darroze and Brindell acting as a double-pivot of slightly more advanced spoilers, with Lundell alongside Foley as… dual false nines or something, Thornwood on the bench and Sadler and Asquith injured. Well, the weird 4-2-2-2 prism succeeds in that it stifles Treason’s mdifield, except that Treason just shift their focus to mercilessly overloading the wings instead. Alfonse Cameron in goal does well to keep the scores down, but both goals come off deft crosses to the big head of the resurgent striker John Fletcher, while North Laithland fail to muster a shot on target from inside the box all game.

By this point, the four promoted teams from last season could all well go straight back down this season, so there’s a real tension in the air as they play off. Nobody should be surprised at the narrow, edgy clashes that result. Makai has the ball in the net for Chenoworth Rovers early on, only to be pulled back because as he was chesting down Coffey’s ball, Shearer had slammed into Rovers keeper Laurnagaray and set them both sprawling into the net. No matter, as a low drive from Girardi finds the bottom corner on the edge of the first half. Iron, meanwhile, battle back from an early deficit to twice pounce on cheap defensive errors, Diamondqueen’s bane this season. Belgrave show their teeth, ruthless finishes from Strand and Sloan leaving Na’Kefir with no chance - though would a younger man have got to the corners? - as Crisisbless’ profligacy costs them, while Stahlburg City are forced to open up after conceding early to Moths midfielder Reach and are made to pay for it, scoring thrive but still losing. Which just doesn’t sound right.

Whisper it. But some of the crap teams - the genuinely shit teams who have been scraped along the bottom of the table all season - might just be starting to rebel against their fate. Mixu Durran’s Bishops lean on a powerful defensive block and Cranequin Wanderers’ complete and abject lack of creativity before Faiza Huyton, injected and inverted on the left wing, abruptly punches home the only goal of the game in the 87th minute. Pillars, similarly, rely on structure and patience to put two goals past November Reiner in the last five minutes, and Solitaire suffer then benefit from Greygate centre-half Andrey Mincham’s ‘one goal, one own goal’ game before defensive midfielder Gisela Feistle tries her luck from distance and gets a massive deflection off Mavrias to drive home her first goal of the season, and a decisive Solitaire winner.

Understandably when set against the outrageous plutocracy of Crisisbless’ attacking trident, Altendalur come to spoil, and maybe nick one off a set piece, and succeed at one of these. If you’ve ever wondered what Thorn Tristram was up to these days, now you know; he’s throwing his head in the line of shot after shot for the Chessmen. That nickname, incidentally, causes a bunch of Chequers fans to rock up at the stadium and barrack relentlessly for Altendalur, before at least some of them go out and hit the town together. The bit of cultural interaction leads to some United fans at their next match, rather endearingly, chanting that quisling goalkeeper Alexander Leonardsson is a cunt.

The situation continues to settle at the top of the table. There has been little so far to dissuade the notion that Brinemouth are the only credible title winners, and an easy 3-0 win over Chenoworth Rovers isn’t about to change any minds on the subject. The real excitement arrives as Aries Chariots and Vermillion Rage have the chance to defend their positions in tough away trips, 4th vs. 2nd and 5th vs. 3rd. Luck’s on the Chariots’ side - 1-1, late on, Purna Zazagan smashes a hopeful free kick into the box, it slips under Brabranzon’s boot, caroms off Jabelon’s knee and is opportunistically smashed home by Sloane Walsh - while Vermillion go toe-to-toe with the Heelers, sharing the points after an entertaining 2-2 draw. The Moths remain best of the rest, Crisisbless, Treason and City completing an ordinary-looking ChC group, Athletic and Corvistone just outside and Starling, though 10th, far closer to the relegation places than IFCF (though they have at least stabilised to not be in touch of either).

South Laithland, Coret and Chenoworth Rovers are looking somewhat over their shoulders, though in a normal season they would have long cut the bottom five adrift. Southfell appear to be mounting an escape, albeit it runs aground against Athletic, simply not able to find purchase in uncharacteristic rain before Isaac Tomlinson buries one from outside the box. Diamondqueen vs. Creed is the crunch match, with the Oathmen pegged back within three minutes by Najzar before clawing their way into the lead with a crisp brace from Martin, only for a harsh red card on Nissa Mason to open them up to be taken down late in the second half. That lets the Diamonds open up a five-point gap from automatic relegation, though Iron at least manage to put down a marker of intent with a hugely convincing 3-0 win over the Harriers that’s every bit as decisive as the numbers imply. Manahaal Brimorii’s found his feet at this level, and a brace and a deft little assist for Seth Kreilach proves as much. That’s a third win in five, all wins against the teams around them, the defeats to high-fliers Corvistone and Brinemouth. The Harriers, Stahlburg Rovers and Crisisbless United, still going strikerless only to be hammered 4-0 by a Treason side left furiously looking up who the fuck Alexander Leonardsson even is, are looking for a miracle.

All the top seven sides win, meaning time stays on the side of the top three - normally that means promotions for all, now they’ve just a place and a half to fight over. While Brookford and Chatswood absolutely hammer Serpentine and Solitaire by four-goal margins respectively, Leichhardt leave it very late and very janky, a Hail Mary cross from Rebecca Soutar that Stargazers striker Klempner and Pillars goalkeeper Brookhouse both come out for. It just about glances off the striker, and loops in off the inside of the post. But they all count, and that leaves Leichhardt in pole position, with Corvette best of the rest.

Vermillion Wanderers round out the top eight and are probably the last side to have any aspirations of promotion, but the guns fall silent against a diligent, determined Bishop in a scoreless draw, one that a brilliant double save from Esther Press salvages from Cheney in the dying moments. But really, the situation at the bottom is… winnowing, fast. Bridge, the Strongest, Rochford, Alliance, Greygate, Bishop, Pillars and Solitaire are all at least six points from even potential safety, and Armstrong manager Gratia Barker takes some degree of pressure off when Gareth Pawnbroker, whose year has been deeply inconsistent, manages a brace of headers to put down North Sabrefell. CNL ship five goals to Corvette to slip beneath, while Cranequin Wanderers, Chardonnay Rangers and AFC Serpentine float four points clear of the drop.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               38  26   5   7  91  33  +58  83
  2 Aries Chariots           38  23   6   9  63  39  +24  75
  3 Vermillion Rage          38  22   8   8  68  41  +27  74
  4 Sabrefell Moths          38  20   5  13  73  46  +27  65
  5 Crisisbless              38  17  12   9  64  40  +24  63
  6 AFC Treason              38  17  12   9  38  26  +12  63
  7 Stahlburg City           38  18   8  12  49  34  +15  62
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       38  17  11  10  65  53  +12  62
  9 AFC Corvistone           38  18   7  13  66  51  +15  61
 10 Starling                 38  16   6  16  57  53   +4  54
 11 Belgrave                 38  17   3  18  60  62   -2  54
 12 Parrhesia United         38  15   8  15  55  60   -5  53
 13 North Laithland          38  15   8  15  49  58   -9  53
 14 Newrook City             38  13  13  12  49  48   +1  52
 15 South Laithland          38  11  14  13  38  44   -6  47
 16 Coret Hawks              38  14   5  19  53  64  -11  47
 17 Chenoworth Rovers        38  11  14  13  42  53  -11  47
 18 Southfell United         38  12   9  17  47  48   -1  45
 19 Diamondqueen             38  12   6  20  45  74  -29  42
 20 Creed United             38  10   7  21  36  50  -14  37
 21 Iron City                38   9  10  19  28  52  -24  37
 22 Chenoworth Harriers      38   9   6  23  35  66  -31  33
 23 Stahlburg Rovers         38   9   4  25  42  76  -34  31
 24 Crisisbless United       38   8   7  23  38  80  -42  31

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Leichhardt                 38  21  12   5  45  25  +20  75
  2 Brookford Otters           38  21  11   6  75  40  +35  74
  3 Chatswood                  38  22   6  10  55  23  +32  72
  4 Corvette Maulers           38  20   8  10  54  42  +12  68
  5 Goodfeather FC             38  20   6  12  79  54  +25  66
  6 Raven River                38  19   8  11  66  49  +17  65
  7 Mantlegrove                38  19   8  11  52  39  +13  65
  8 Vermillion Wanderers       38  18  10  10  53  32  +21  64
  9 Cypher Town                38  16  12  10  45  40   +5  60
 10 North Sabrefell            38  18   5  15  49  43   +6  59
 11 Barossia United            38  15   9  14  48  41   +7  54
 12 Cranequin Wanderers        38  13  11  14  41  37   +4  50
 13 Chardonnay Rangers         38  14   8  16  54  56   -2  50
 14 AFC Serpentine             38  14   8  16  52  60   -8  50
 15 Armstrong                  38  11  13  14  39  44   -5  46
 16 Corinthians No Longer      38  11  13  14  46  54   -8  46
 17 Gonen's Bridge             38  10  10  18  36  54  -18  40
 18 The Strongest              38  11   7  20  46  74  -28  40
 19 AFC Rochford               38   8  14  16  38  48  -10  38
 20 Alliance Barossia          38  11   4  23  35  69  -34  37
 21 Greygate                   38  10   6  22  49  67  -18  36
 22 Bishop                     38   8  11  19  45  62  -17  35
 23 Pillars of Southfell       38   8  10  20  33  57  -24  34
 24 Aries Solitaire            38   8  10  20  44  69  -25  34

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            38  27   5   6  61  28  +33  86
  2 Locksley                  38  25   7   6  79  45  +34  82
  3 Morningstar               38  23   7   8  76  33  +43  76
  4 Peregrine                 38  22   6  10  77  43  +34  72
  5 Hackett                   38  21   8   9  57  32  +25  71
  6 Boltcroft Thorns          38  18  12   8  58  39  +19  66
  7 Crisisbless Athletic      38  19   8  11  62  44  +18  65
  8 Dartmouth Terriers        38  16  10  12  48  37  +11  58
  9 West Brinemouth           38  16  10  12  44  37   +7  58
 10 Falston United            38  16   9  13  41  47   -6  57
 11 Ritter Town               38  14   9  15  60  47  +13  51
 12 Gosmouth Swans            38  13   9  16  40  54  -14  48
 13 Ballardine FC             38  12   9  17  39  54  -15  45
 14 Riverkey                  38  10  13  15  35  41   -6  43
 15 Ingram Township           38  12   7  19  34  49  -15  43
 16 Stonegrave                38  10  12  16  32  41   -9  42
 17 Mapleford                 38  11   9  18  36  59  -23  42
 18 Autumnstone               38  11   7  20  50  55   -5  40
 19 Sheridan                  38   9  13  16  27  36   -9  40
 20 Kensey Town               38   9  10  19  37  65  -28  37
 21 Rochford Pilgrims         38  10   7  21  38  71  -33  37
 22 Extreme Hills             38   9   9  20  42  73  -31  36
 23 Lazuli Diamonds           38   9   6  23  45  71  -26  33
 24 The Hanged Man            38   6  14  18  28  45  -17  32

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lockheed Zenith              38  25   7   6   84  45  +39  82
  2 New Oakstone Phoenix         38  24   7   7  102  47  +55  79
  3 Kommissar                    38  21   9   8   60  38  +22  72
  4 East Laithland Harriers      38  21   8   9   73  47  +26  71
  5 AFC Shale                    38  20  10   8   57  28  +29  70
  6 Southriver                   38  21   6  11   53  36  +17  69
  7 Brokenarch                   38  20   8  10   62  41  +21  68
  8 Brindleton                   38  18  10  10   54  36  +18  64
  9 Crossroads Town              38  15  11  12   70  59  +11  56
 10 Martella Jazz                38  15   9  14   63  61   +2  54
 11 Lindmark Falcons             38  14  10  14   55  62   -7  52
 12 Cranequin Souths             38  14   8  16   62  72  -10  50
 13 Corvistone City              38  12  13  13   35  43   -8  49
 14 Caldwick Strand              38  12  11  15   54  64  -10  47
 15 Strephonage                  38  13   8  17   41  55  -14  47
 16 Hartford Glade               38  12   6  20   53  58   -5  42
 17 Northside Eagles             38  11   9  18   52  69  -17  42
 18 Riverkey Shells              38  10  11  17   61  76  -15  41
 19 Constance Park               38   9  13  16   34  52  -18  40
 20 Coret Rovers                 38  10   9  19   45  67  -22  39
 21 Sirencall FC                 38   7  12  19   38  68  -30  33
 22 Ringway                      38   8   8  22   31  67  -36  32
 23 Crownsend Journey            38   8   7  23   52  72  -20  31
 24 West Hook                    38   5  12  21   33  61  -28  27

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 21, 2020 4:12 pm

Athletic can give Treason a run for their money in terms of being the most hated side in the league… well, they’re a very distant second, anyway. And one of the sides that hate them is the Chariots and, after an initial simmering period, the feeling is nwo very much mutual. The issue appears to be that today, Grey Holden’s charges are too happy to glide and try and elevate themselves above the scrap. This doesn’t work, and the crowd really just want Kevaarsen to haul off and hit somebody. Stubbornly, Kevaarsen does not haul off and hit somebody. In fact, there’s an argument to say that’s what the match could’ve done with; too much calm, the Chariots let the Rams run all over them, 3-0 down by the half thanks to two tap-ins and a penalty. Another penalty at the other end is slotted home by Sierra at the second time of asking, Garamond initially saving but only with about two metres’ jump off her line, but it’s little consolation.

It’s great news for Brinemouth, as Vermillion also contrive to drop points against lowly Coret as the Dockers edge out South Laithland, the kind of dodgy 1-0 away win against a tough opponent that’s the stuff of champions. 89 minutes of ugly, one rue Cazade goal of beautiful, and their lead grows. In Chardonnay, another lesser-spotted rivalry between Starling and Crisisbless is no less one-sided in the away team’s favour. Yes, Starling are starting to get some mojo back, but they have precisely none of it to show as Crisisbless dominate the midfield, crisply-taken strikes from Bowman and Woakes offering the least they deserve after flaky finishing - and the saves of Smordal - deny them more. There’s three 5-2 wins towards the bottom of the table, with Belgrave, Chenoworth Rovers and the Saints the beneficiaries, while Creed’s scoreless draw against the Harriers is enough to make the most hardened neutral switch off on the hour. Corsica Greene made three foul throws, for fuck’s sake.

With easy wins for Leichhardt and Chatswood, Brookford have to dig in deep to match them, showing a resolve the club aren’t usually associated with but that Rebecca Kelsey has undoubtedly managed to instil. A poor defensive error lets Solitaire centre-forward Jacinth Coen nip in and drive home the opener, and while Kurtis Holden atones by heading home a corner at the other end, attack-minded fullback Karagounis drives inside and beats Damir Wright at his near post to keep Solitaire in the lead… and then, on the hour, the Otters lose a man, veteran rightback Misha Symond hacking down Karagounis and paying the price. No matter; two pinpoint crosses, two perfect headers from Aurora Jewel, and a desperate double save from Wright at the death steal the points. Bishop leftback Visca Konrad scores two decisive goals in victory over CNL, while Vermillion Wanderers fall entirely to pieces as a comparitively miniscule Goodfeather just drive holes in their lumbering back line and canter to a 4-1 win.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brinemouth             39   27   5   7    92   33  +59    86
 2 Vermillion Rage        39   22   9   8    69   42  +27    75
 3 Aries Chariots         39   23   6  10    64   42  +22    75
...
15 Chenoworth Rovers      39   12  14  13    47   55   −8    50
16 Southfell United       39   13   9  17    48   48    0    48
17 Coret Hawks            39   14   6  19    54   65  −11    48
18 South Laithland        39   11  14  14    38   45   −7    47
19 Diamondqueen           39   12   6  21    47   79  −32    42
20 Creed United           39   10   8  21    36   50  −14    38
21 Iron City              39    9  10  20    30   57  −27    37
22 Chenoworth Harriers    39    9   7  23    35   66  −31    34
23 Crisisbless United     39    8   8  23    39   81  −42    32
24 Stahlburg Rovers       39    9   4  26    44   81  −37    31
...
 1 Leichhardt             39   22  12   5    47   25  +22    78
 2 Brookford Otters       39   22  11   6    78   42  +36    77
 3 Chatswood              39   23   6  10    57   23  +34    75

The Classic comes around. Admittedly, it tends to feel like a more special occasion when one side is cantering to victory in the league and the other is like fifth or something, and the Dockers get a further morale boost going into the match. Not only have Aries run aground at North Laithland, Zazagan required off the bench to fire them level in a stodgy draw against North Laithland, but Vermillion succumb to an inexplicable defeat against Stahlburg Rovers. Well, actually, it’s perfectly explicable; the Rovers defend in a valiant low block, and Jelena Romanov manages one moment of true class in a rare Rovers attack, scything inside Radeka Lind hard enough to leave her on her arse before cutting back outside of Anderson, leaving her floundering, and driving the finish between Hartnett’s legs. So there’s not, really, that much excitement as Brinemouth, a better-rested side prioritising the league, score once in each half to put down an overstretched and jaded Treason. Brinemouth are now thirteen points clear at the top.

There’s some truly eye-catching results at the bottom. The Chenoworth derby is not one of them, a drab 1-1 between drab teams. Instead, look to the far northeast - where Newrook get hammered 5-1 by Sabrefell Athletic, the side that took, in Reinhardt and Clevinger, two former Rooks as their defensive partnership, and where Coret manage a rather more impressive showing against Starling, with sturdy young Erik Romaine getting the slightest of touches on a low Caracole cross to peg the Passerines back on the edge of half-time and prompt a shift in the scales, one that prompts a Hawks side full of confidence to batter Smordal’s goal in the second half and, late on, get number 2 and 3 from Blackburn and Nicolau. Then look to the far northeast, where Creed look to keep their heads above water. They’ve found goals hard to come by this season, and Delphi Barbarouses has looked past her best… but when the playmaker has it on, she has it on. She orchestrates everything against Parrhesia side, finding holes that aren’t apparent until her pass makes them look gaping, flicking casual nutmegs between feet, and just, generally… having fun, as the Oathmen race to a 4-0 lead by half-time and finish it 5-1. Still, as things stand, they would be relegated if the season ended here.

With the promotion and title races essentially down to three teams already, Chatswood vs. Leichhardt looks to be the obvious key match of the round, though certainly Brookford’s kind of shambolic come-from-behind 4-3 win over no-hopers Bridge beats it for entertainment. The Woodsmen against the Stargazers is essentially a tight affair between two solid but unprolific sides, and should either manage promotion, well… this match is not the most auspicious of signs. Strikers Klempner and Herron miss chances that would’ve been easier to score, and the Stargazers badly miss the injured Ernie Stevenson. Chatswood get the opening goal when Leichhardt ‘keeper Laczko dwells overmuch on possession and gets caught by Alex Woodrow, who simply nips the ball away and stabs it into the empty net, but they’re countered on the brink of half-time when an awkward, bouncing throw-in is not dealt with at all by Ozolx-Alfan. The ball bounces off their chest and is swept away by Klempner, who desperately drives the ball across the face of goal only for Chatswood’s other centre-half, Imhoff, to stab the ball helpfully into his own net. Next year’s Premiership sides won’t be trembling with fear.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brinemouth             40   28   5   7    94   33  +61    89
 2 Aries Chariots         40   23   7  10    65   43  +22    76
 3 Vermillion Rage        40   22   9   9    69   43  +26    75
...
15 Southfell United       40   14   9  17    51   50   +1    51
16 Coret Hawks            40   15   6  19    57   65   −8    51
17 Chenoworth Rovers      40   12  15  13    48   56   −8    51
18 South Laithland        40   12  14  14    41   45   −4    50
19 Diamondqueen           40   12   6  22    47   82  −35    42
20 Creed United           40   11   8  21    41   51  −10    41
21 Iron City              40    9  10  21    31   59  −28    37
22 Chenoworth Harriers    40    9   8  23    36   67  −31    35
23 Crisisbless United     40    9   8  23    42   83  −41    35
24 Stahlburg Rovers       40   10   4  26    45   81  −36    34
…
 1 Brookford Otters       40   23  11   6    82   45  +37    80
 2 Leichhardt             40   22  13   5    48   26  +22    79
 3 Chatswood              40   23   7  10    58   24  +34    76

Crisisbless head to the Brenecian capital to face Derdriu Wright’s impressive team of young talents, with the likes of defensive midfielder Schofield and winger Fife having excelled thus far. But the impetuousness of youth cuts both ways, goalkeeper Tiarnan Cove allowing himself to be drawn out and suckered into bundling over Damian Bowman on the edge of the box… for which he atones, going low and early to save an indifferent penalty from Germain. No matter, as Bowman sets up Germain rather more directly on the half-hour mark - the Valladar forward delayed just a second, allowing Dybvik to overcommit, before a decisive finish slams past Cove. But Rozelle show their teeth on the fringe of half-time, a cross from Levaani evading every Heeler before being nodded, somehow, wide at the near post by Julia Mueller, a normally lethal marksman. But she atones in the Germain mould, finding the bottom corner with a far more difficult finish in the 78th minute, while holding off Teffeteller’s attention. The scores are level, but Crisisbless will fancy their chances at home.

For the Harriers, international silverware is starting to look more likely than actual survival. Nevertheless, a cagey home draw leaves plenty to do in Ko-oren, never a good place to go needing a result. That away goal feels crucial.

While there is literally nothing more obnoxious than ‘why aren’t you talking about X ??’, well… why aren’t people talking about Stahlburg City? Is it just because their excellence stems from grim solidity and they’re honestly fucking dreary to watch? Well… yes, probably. But Vanessa Rossum’s doing an excellent job so far. The Smiths were muscular before, but discipline lapsed last season at times. Here, not the case; Brinemouth get swallowed up by the unforgiving midfield trio of Brujah, Ballard and Riester, not the usual trio but the right tools for the job, and a blistering run from Severine Reed on the counter is capped off when she chips over Heuser to lay on the assist for Maurice Delfour to awkwardly chest home. The big Sabrefell sides manage narrow home wins against tough opponents in Crisisbless and the Crows; particularly impressive from the Moths, a man down from 33 minutes due to Zuniga’s homicidal challenge on Morham with the score 1-1 and managing a gritty smash-and-grab win regardless through Cathal Turner.

While Aries manage to gain on the top with a fairly breezy win over Newrook, Vermillion are favoured to do the same against Iron City. As the astute reader can probably tell from phrasing like ‘are favoured to do the same’, they don’t. Lowly City marshal their defence expertly, with Lara Dixon prowling the touchline. “I told them where to stand in training,” she tells the press afterwards. “I told them when to close down, when to lay off. I told them not to leave gaps. But Igrene [Vidler]’s brace, well… that was a nice bonus.” One goal comes from a seamless counter, Remsza tricking Salek by shaping for the cross before driving instead to Vidler on the outside of the box and a deflected strike beating Hartnett, but the second was a moment of pure quality, the ball held protectively in midfield before a sudden one-two opened up space for Vidler to drive the ball into the top corner. It isn’t the only good result at the bottom; North Laithland are made to suffer by their former man Lukas Antelmi, thriving in a false nine role for Crisisbless United by using his unusual power for a creative playmaker to score two deft headers, while Diamondqueen hold out desperately against Treason and seem surprised when they actually get the draw.

And yet another top three clash, this time opened up a little as Chatswood run aground in Cranequin Wanderers’ midfield, a miserable quagmire oon a painful, windy day with the only goals coming off set pieces. So now it’s Leichhardt’s order against Brookford’s chaos, and the Otters strike an early blow for chaos when Scout Morwen’s hammer-blow is parried down and away by Laczko, but to his despair Linoan Waters is there to drive in the rebound, more diligent following through than Leichhardt’s sluggish defenders. But Ferri Kubala has some chaos of his own, winning a free kick on the edge of the area with some… streetwise play to induce contact, and he drives in a low free kick that squirrels underneath Leichhardt’s jumping wall and is slid home by Shrike Hagaz, his first goal of the season. Brookford threaten, even have a fair penalty shout turned down, but Leichhardt bring on Ernie Stevenson in his return from injury with twenty minutes to play. Twenty? He just needs two, before driving home the winner on the edge of the box, just delaying long enough for Holden to hurl himself into the distance trying to help. Leichhardt now have a five-point lead on Chatswood, two on the Otters, and just five matches to play.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brinemouth             41   28   5   8    94   34  +60    89
 2 Aries Chariots         41   24   7  10    67   43  +24    79
 3 Vermillion Rage        41   22   9  10    69   45  +24    75
...
15 Southfell United       41   14  10  17    51   50   +1    52
16 Newrook City           41   13  13  15    50   56   −6    52
17 Coret Hawks            41   15   7  19    57   65   −8    52
18 Chenoworth Rovers      41   12  15  14    50   59   −9    51
19 Diamondqueen           41   12   7  22    47   82  −35    43
20 Creed United           41   11   8  22    43   54  −11    41
21 Iron City              41   10  10  21    33   59  −26    40
22 Crisisbless United     41   10   8  23    45   84  −39    38
23 Chenoworth Harriers    41    9   8  24    37   69  −32    35
24 Stahlburg Rovers       41   10   4  27    46   83  −37    34
…
 1 Leichhardt             41   23  13   5    50   27  +23    82
 2 Brookford Otters       41   23  11   7    83   47  +36    80
 3 Chatswood              41   23   8  10    59   25  +34    77

15 points left to play for.

Again, Crisisbless and Rozelle trade blows, this time early in the match. Stemmon Perrodien finds the top corner with a thunderbolt of a free kick that cracks magnificently off the intersection of bar and post on its way past countryman Na’Kefir, Germain has an almost immediate equaliser in the first passage of play after the restart chalked off for Spijkers’ handball in the build-up, but the free kick is headed straight back where it came from and ultimately ends up back at Spijkers’ feet, the Audioslav cutting viciously inside Levaani and managing an ugly but effective finish. For a while, the pattern holds with few breakthroughs on either side. But late on, Crisisbless’ experience and nerve holds, and Sofia Falcon’s attempt at the spectacular is brutally cut out by Mercurio Kastriot, who just whacks it forward. Out springs the substitute forward Danica Marinkovic, nipping the ball away from Raeff and racing free before lofting a nerveless finish past the ironically exposed Cove.

The Harriers dominate possession but consistently poor work in the final third mean they fail to convert it into the goals they needed, and pay the price.

Iron City host a Starling side for whom Tim Maitfield has not been the magical cure-all panacea they hoped. Bluntly, it’s becoming clear that there’ll need to be a substantial rebuild… or an acceptance of a place as a mere top-half side. The issue is that that status is sustained by a handful of players - Smordal, Berg, the indefatigable Dostalok - who are not only not going to be content with that, but are old. But then again, maybe Berg is past it, and Nova Kymeri certainly is; when Nikita Charisteas pulls up in training minutes before kickoff, Kymeri’s rushed in and, after just 40 minutes, rushed out again. By then, Iron City - hardly prolific! - are 4-1 up. 4-1! Iron! Against Starling! Vidler has another brace, Brimorii’s powerful header made it three and a cross from Seth Kreilach is inadvertently dragged past Smordal by Claire Griffiths, and there’s still time for a fifth from a corner and former Starling centre-half Alcander Visser in the second half, killing remote hopes of a fightback.

It isn’t the only impressive result at the bottom, either. The shit teams bit back tonight. Not Crisisbless United, though they were valiant in defeat to the Chariots - in the end, they just never found an answer to relentless Purna Zazagan’s driving runs through midfield - but Diamondqueen follow up their scoreless draw in Treason with a narrow win over Stahlburg City. Bluntly, it relies on the Smiths’ poor finishing as well as Szarbach’s excellence between the posts, but it’s enough to ensure that when Ursa Kinbois forces a powerful low shot underneath Rosmarin in injury time, they get the points. Stahlburg Rovers outplay a Southfell side starting to feel a little more confident in escaping danger and resting a couple of players, but even so a 3-1 win is an impressive achievement; dwarfed, in all fairness, by the Harriers’ genuinely dominant 2-0 win over Treason, former stomping ground of their management team Vesper and Vyntra. It’s been an unhappy season for the Harriers, but their fans should remember for a while the night where midfield double-pivot Xara Seidler and Catheline Stensholt looked like world-beaters.

A bizarrely quiet match-day; all but two games have a clean sheet, all but two games have fewer than three goals scored, the one true moment of anarchy coming as Mantlegrove, not normally the most vicious of sides, drive the boot into a 10-man River in a 5-2 win. A man down means plenty of space, plenty of space means Alexandra Lazarou and Kikumi Kondou do what they want, and that means a win. It’s no less consequential a matchday at the top of the table, though. Leichhardt concede an injury-time equaliser to Alliance midfielder Szalai Fowler, transparently hitting and hoping and unexpectedly finding the top corner, albeit aided by the failure of exhausted Arbizu to properly press the winger, while Brookford are choked out by Cranequin Wanderers and, worse than the defeat, lose star winger Annika Cashin for the rest of the season to a non-contact injury, just falling awkwardly from contesting a header with Bishop. And that allows Chatswood to reel themselves right back into relevance, Damir Wright earning his corn in goal as he survives a late bombardment from Vermillion to hand Chatswood three points off the back of Severa Conleth’s moment of brilliance. It’s all Conleth does all game, and all she needs.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brinemouth             42   28   6   8    96   36  +60    90
 2 Aries Chariots         42   25   7  10    69   44  +25    82
 3 Vermillion Rage        42   23   9  10    74   46  +28    78
...
15 Southfell United       42   14  10  18    52   53   −1    52
16 Coret Hawks            42   15   7  20    57   66   −9    52
17 Chenoworth Rovers      42   12  16  14    50   59   −9    52
== Newrook City           42   13  13  16    50   59   −9    52
19 Diamondqueen           42   13   7  22    48   82  −34    46
20 Iron City              42   11  10  21    38   61  −23    43
21 Creed United           42   11   8  23    44   59  −15    41
22 Chenoworth Harriers    42   10   8  24    39   69  −30    38
23 Crisisbless United     42   10   8  24    46   86  −40    38
24 Stahlburg Rovers       42   11   4  27    49   84  −35    37
…
 1 Leichhardt             42   23  14   5    51   28  +23    83
 2 Brookford Otters       42   23  11   8    83   48  +35    80
 3 Chatswood              42   24   8  10    60   25  +35    80

12 points left to play for.

In the matchup between the top sides, the Chariots come out with a solidity that has been foreign to them until Grey Holden’s arrival. Hell, they’re looking like Gareth Sumner’s old squad, except new and sharp and with a hulking satyr in midfield who, today, eats every ball that comes in or around the centre circle. The Chariots narrowly edge the first half but don’t get on the scoresheet, though Porter hits the crossbar and Coleman forces Na’Kefir into a brilliant point-blank save. Na’Kefir will want to cling to that save, because he won’t want to remember how a heavily deflected cross from Malkorra came at him sharply off Coleman’s knee, he knelt to take it but it somehow went in off his collarbone, between his knee and in. Ridiculous to break it down, of course, it all happened in a flash… but it was a farcical goal to concede, for a world-class goalkeeper. Nobody could fault him for the Chariots’ second, though, the prolific Zazagan finding the top corner after failed pressure from Teffeteller. But why wasn’t Senninger pressed more at the other end? The other match is lower in technique but higher in excitement, Southfell trying to go direct to their strikers, the Chequers trying to dominate possession. It evens out, but the Chequers go away feeling they had the better of the game. The issue is the excellence of Gavaris between the Tanners’ posts, and the clinical striker Lieschen Kuzener at their spearhead, meaning the scores come away locked.

The Premiership only has a few rounds left, so why not wave in a scorigami? And, such being the nature of things, there’s only really room for proper thrashings left. Teams have scored ten before; Southfell United against Belgrave in cycle 70, Treason past Crisisbless United in 73, Sabrefell Athletic past the Spiders the year after. But all have conceded one treacherous goal. Perhaps Raluca Garamond is unaware of this; she’s visibly bored between the sticks, having little to do besides pluck the occasional cross out of the air as the Rovers go from hope to desperation to vain attempt to avoid humiliation, leaving more and more bodies back that only invites more and more pressure. Veteran poacher Sipke Tarala goes from two to five league goals on the season with a hat-trick and he only even comes on in the second half. Yes; 10-0 the final score, not a typo but, in fact, history.

The amount of relevant games are shrinking, and of those some have swiftly become exercises in theoretical arithmetic. North Laithland put together their performance of the season against Brinemouth, a coordinated effort of heart and technique aligned, an opportunistic tap-in and a sublime header from Lilith Thornwood up front, Stovar Krieven with a spectacular late save to keep the clean sheet… and they’ll still finish midtable, and Brinemouth will still win the league. Newrook City conquer Coret late on, the maligned figure of Tom Duffy coming off the bench to hammer home a rising strike into the underside of the crossbar and in, his celebration being to mime-exaggerate a limp presumably to send up those criticising him as old and past it. Iron, though… they’re starting to believe. Strong, disciplined, tough, they outlast Southfell, Katerina Olexander comfortably equal to the task of all the shots they muster before Vylarr and Vermouth keep their composure late on with two excellent finishes. A 2-0 win on the day, deserved… and a third straight victory that lifts them to 19th, the playoff place.

Another day, another two points eroded away at the top with Leichhardt scoring early but also going down a man early, Emil Klempner’s attempts to pressure the goalkeeper translatng to bulldozing Verlinden and leaving her a puddle on the ground, frowned upon even in this most physical of leagues. Second caution, the Gazers are left hanging on, but they tire in the closing stages and Tulaska Sunstroem takes full advantage. The other two top sides both win; perhaps of more interest is Armstrong’s emphatic 3-0 win over Bishop, all three goals scored by a man in Gareth Pawnbroker who looks to be making up for his slow start to the season right at the nick of time. Oh, and a doomed Solitaire somehow smash North Sabrefell 4-1, this time with no red cards or extenuating factors in play. Solitaire remain good on their day - a day that just has not come around nearly enough, this season.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brinemouth             43   28   6   9    96   38  +58    90
 2 Aries Chariots         43   25   7  11    69   45  +24    82
 3 Vermillion Rage        43   24   9  10    75   46  +29    81
...
14 South Laithland        43   13  16  14    44   47   −3    55
15 Newrook City           43   14  13  16    52   60   −8    55
16 Southfell United       43   14  10  19    52   55   −3    52
17 Coret Hawks            43   15   7  21    58   68  −10    52
18 Chenoworth Rovers      43   12  16  15    50   60  −10    52
19 Iron City              43   12  10  21    40   61  −21    46
20 Diamondqueen           43   13   7  23    49   85  −36    46
21 Creed United           43   11   9  23    45   60  −15    42
22 Chenoworth Harriers    43   10   8  25    39   70  −31    38
23 Crisisbless United     43   10   8  25    46   87  −41    38
24 Stahlburg Rovers       43   11   4  28    49   94  −45    37
…
 1 Leichhardt             43   23  15   5    52   29  +23    84
 2 Brookford Otters       43   24  11   8    86   49  +37    83
 3 Chatswood              43   25   8  10    61   25  +36    83

9 points left to play for.

League, Cup and Challengers Cup - something has to give for the overstretched Heelers, and few are surprised to see a few of the big players sit out against Aries. So, you know… Cass Quintero gets a run-out, along with the likes of former Cormorant Catheline Marchant and U21 international Thalassa Fletcher. Nevertheless, the Chariots outlast them, striking first through Rowena Sierra and hitting them on the break just before the half. Crisisbless get it together in the second half, but Lili Marinca’s goal isn’t anywhere near enough. A defensive mix-up between Coles and Alphonse is pounced upon and driven home by the opportunistic Lieschen Kuzener just eight minutes in, with the Southfell striker playing provider for Roxi Pryce on the hour mark. Crisisbless United’s consolation comes from something of a redemption by Alex Coles, the big Euran neatly dispossessing Corbay before effortlessly drilling a brilliant crossfield diagonal to Vossler, who sets up the substitute Swanmore to drive home at the far post, and the Chequers get a chance to level the scores late on when Riverina Bray, another substitute, dispossesses Hensser close to the box and … has more time and space than she thought, but instead panics and fires straight at Gavaris. Chariots against Tanners it is, then, an all-Aries affair.

Brinemouth vs. Crisisbless United is the big match that matters going into the weekend. The Dockers can secure the title with victory, while United need a win to keep their remote survival hopes afloat. Brinemouth bring all the big guns to bear. United have a local teenager at left wing. But that teenager, Martine Vossler, proves again she isn’t just some random guy off the street early on, trusting in her left where others would cut inside and forcing a brilliant fingertip save from Ewald Heuser, who understandably berates deputising rightback Meriweather for not closing down enough. The lesson isn’t heeded; Vossler hits in a low cross in the 11th minute, false nine Lukas Antelmi smashes it into the body of the covering defender Steele and the rebound falls kindly to Andressa Stand, who makes use of the time and space to pick her spot and find the top corner.

It can’t last, but for a desperate hour, United hope. Lazareva’s forced into a fine save by Tauscher, a brilliant one by rue Cazade, and Bryger Tidesson, starting on the ‘wrong’ side of the trident through an injury to Deventer, gets his feet twisted up to miss a genuine sitter. But he atones in the 79th minute. By falling over. Despite Dreider’s protestations, it’s ruled a penalty, and Jackson promptly drills it low past Lazareva. Brinemouth knock on the door late on but the best chance actually falls, again, to Andressa Stand, picked out masterfully by Laursen, unmarked on the edge of the box… firing straight at Heuser, throwing herself to the ground, beating her fists. A 1-1 draw in the Eagles Club is, by all rights, a fantastic result. It relegates them. Similar feelings in Chenoworth, as the Harriers somehow claw from behind four times to draw with the Moths, a result Lienke Vesper hails as evidence ‘the lads never gave up hope’ and presumably leverage to keep her in the job. But the Harriers are down, and so too the Rovers, shellshocked and empty in a soulless 1-0 defeat to Newrook. At the top, well… the Chariots, despite a bold come-from-behind win against the Crows, have a merely mathematical hope of victory now. The trophy will be choppered to the capital in anticipation of the Dockers’ visit. Marcin Close will most likely get the chance to lift it.

A third straight 1-1 draw for Leichhardt, though not in especially dramatic circumstances; Meier’s long-range shot in the 50th-minute is cancelled out by Wrenn Killmorgen’s, seven minutes later - though Laczko, who has been letting errors slip into his game in the run-in, should probably have made it to a shot that wasn’t quite in the bottom corner. It’s a result Brookford match against a CNL side low on quality but high on grit - “they reminded me of my Peregrine,” sighs Otters manager Rebecca Kelsey in what might be something of a backhanded compliment given they were relegated from a bottom three-and-a-half - but Chatswood hold their nerve in the face of an early Cypher goal, Nova Williams saving a penalty to keep them out of a hole in the first twenty minutes before the Woodsmen ease into supremacy in the second half, leaving the first quite forgotten. If it’s goals you’re after, though, there’s ten shared equally in Southfell, a side that have not exactly been trigger-happy over their tenure in this league. Typically, manager Kay Meriweather spends far more time betrating her defence than, say, talking up hat-trick heroine Hana Yorke, a beleagured young centre-forward who goes up from four to seven goals for the season.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brinemouth             44   28   7   9    97   39  +58    91
 2 Aries Chariots         44   26   7  11    71   46  +25    85
...
17 Southfell United       44   14  10  20    54   58   −4    52
18 Coret Hawks            44   15   7  22    58   70  −12    52
19 Iron City              44   12  10  22    41   63  −22    46
20 Diamondqueen           44   13   7  24    50   88  −38    46
21 Creed United           44   12   9  23    48   62  −14    45
…
 1 Chatswood              44   26   8  10    64   26  +38    86
 2 Leichhardt             44   23  16   5    53   30  +23    85
 3 Brookford Otters       44   24  12   8    87   50  +37    84

6 points left to play for.

The final hurdle en route to the Final as Crisisbless hope to salvage the coefficient, Megabrantid are known for being loaded as hell and having no history to back it up. They’ve overcome significant trials in the offseason, such as the explosion of their winger, and a tough defence is marshalled by former Moths centre-half Cressida Gayle. But Crisisbless still go in as massive favourites, and play like it for 70 minutes. The veteran Gelan-Yivix Eva steals in at the back post to poach an early lead for MSC, and from there it’s all hands on deck at the back, Crisisbless passing around confidently and capably, Woakes finally zipping the decisive pass for Spijkers to finish in the 56th minute. On they press, and on and on - Gayle getting away at one point with a truly brutish challenge on Germain - before a substitution proves decisive. Left winger Chiranjivi Dast comes on and immediately makes an impact, scything past a tired Longship and curling a perfectly-taken winner across Na’Kefir, tucking into the bottom corner from an unforgiving angle.

It is done. Aries do their part, easily beating Coret 2-0 to keep what passed for the pressure on just so long as they backed themselves to score thirty or forty goals on the final matchday, but Brinemouth could still clinch it beyond all doubt with a win in the capital. Corvistone have looked all season like a side that have asked just ever-so-slightly too much of stalwarts like Keskin, Ulreich and Feldman, but they still have quality, and former Treason winger Ulreich reminds everyone of her allegiance when she stabs home the first goal running just ahead of Close, races to the crowd and, uh, rips off her green shirt to reveal a fresh tattoo of the Stags’ crest. Weird flex, but okay - Lukas Tauscher flicks a ball over countryman Niedermayer’s head before burying an equaliser on the stroke of half-time, before the more orthodox (on the pitch, at least) Deventer sets up Jackson and Kasmiir to end it. Marcin Close lifts the trophy, snapping a title drought that’s lasted years. More relief than joy on Gareth Blackthorn’s face - given the godawful IFCF performance, this saved his job. But the fans won’t be thinking beyond the victory rush, and nor should they.

Stahlburg Rovers, already relegated, throw out a bunch of youth prospects, random children and street-cats to produce another last-ditch scorigami in Crisisbless. 9-0! What a first Premiership start for Raul Kellond in goal, wow! Presumably this was some sort of punishment for the reserves, captained by 25-year old leftback Kyriakos Mesorounis who has managed seven league starts all season. But casting one’s eyes up further to the actual relevant parts of the relegation battle, Iron City threaten to pull up the drawbridge with a dogged victory in Newrook, experienced midfielder Isla Snowpoint finding the top corner from distance when nobody bothered to put pressure on, Olexander with another clean sheet. Diamondqueen and Creed fail to keep chase… well, that’s arguably too generous. Both get slaughtered by four-goal margins, the Diamonds’ fatal lack of width exploited relentlessly by the fluid attacking unit presented by the Chequers, Creed simply outclassed with ease by the Rams, and go down with a whimper, not a bang. Diamondqueen can, mathematically, make it to the playoff; Coret can, mathematically, slip into it. But by limiting oneself to realistic swings of goal difference, the season’s done; Iron in the playoff, a massive victory considering where they came from.

When Leichhardt fans say they feel sick by recent form, apparently they mean it. One hefty lass sways gently in the Sabrefell breeze for seventy minutes before depositing her lunch on the terraces, and the reason for that? Leichhardt just can’t string two passes together. The one time they do open up the Bohemians, thanks to a clever disguised ball from Kubala - the home crowd hold their breath - Stevenson glides through and shoots straight at Rena Perch. He doesn’t miss shots like that. In theory. At the other end, Laczko does brilliantly to salvage the clean sheet, and winds up man of the match, but a fourth consecutive draw just is not good enough. Fortunately for them, Chatswood also slip on the banana peel of already-relegated Rochford, with SRS goalkeeper Cordrut Malanta masterful between the posts and a Scylla Perish wonderstrike levelling late on for the Owls. For 85 minutes, Brookford thin they’ll fail to take advantage… until a cross is smashed in from roughly the halfway line by Misha Symond, and somehow Andrine Samsa nips in ahead of Meulenstein and smashes the ball into the roof of the net as it drops. She falls, tumbles, gets back to her feet and goes over to the corner flag; the Otters’ fate is in their own hands.

CNL are struggling and they know it, but Anibal Troche curls in a strike beyond Kari Vidmar from the corner of the box ten minutes in and the Creed side cling to it grimly. Already-relegated Alliance try to fight back, mostly through pinging crosses at Portia Taani who twice succeeds in knocking down to Victoria Remeikis… except Remeikis is injured, and Matthew Chance is there instead, and he’s shit, twice blazing over from close range. Chardonnay Rangers are left hugely disappointed to concede to Solitaire at the death, another doomed side with delusions of relevance, but the point is at least enough to kill off Greygate’s fairly academic hopes of survival, combined with the Wardens’ admittedly very respectable 2-2 draw in Corvette. That means that relegation is just down to those two sides and to Serpentine, who take a respectable point from Mantlegrove; eight sides are down already.

MSC have done the hard work on away soil. If they aren’t already favourites to hold their lead, they become that just thirteen minutes in with another early goal from Gelan-Yivix. Twice, Crisisbless equalise but never manage to overhaul, and a late, decisive winner from Isperia Marrish on the edge of the box is the least she deserves after her exceptional performance over the two legs.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               45  29   7   9 100   40  +60  94
  2 Aries Chariots           45  27   7  11  73   46  +27  88
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       45  24  11  10  94   59  +35  83
  4 Vermillion Rage          45  24  10  11  75   48  +27  82
  5 Sabrefell Moths          45  24   7  14  91   59  +32  79
  6 Crisisbless              45  22  12  11  85   46  +39  78
  7 AFC Treason              45  21  13  11  49   30  +19  76
  8 Stahlburg City           45  21  11  13  59   42  +17  74
  9 Belgrave                 45  20   6  19  73   76   -3  66
 10 AFC Corvistone           45  19   8  18  73   64   +9  65
 11 North Laithland          45  18  10  17  61   69   -8  64
 12 Starling                 45  18   8  19  65   67   -2  62
 13 Parrhesia United         45  17  10  18  68   75   -7  61
 14 Newrook City             45  15  13  17  53   61   -8  58
 15 South Laithland          45  13  17  15  45   49   -4  56
 16 Southfell United         45  15  10  20  57   58   -1  55
 17 Chenoworth Rovers        45  12  17  16  51   64  -13  53
 18 Coret Hawks              45  15   7  23  58   72  -14  52
 19 Iron City                45  13  10  22  42   63  -21  49
 20 Diamondqueen             45  13   7  25  50   92  -42  46
 21 Creed United             45  12   9  24  49   67  -18  45
 22 Crisisbless United       45  11   9  25  51   88  -37  42
 23 Chenoworth Harriers      45  10   9  26  44   76  -32  39
 24 Stahlburg Rovers         45  11   4  30  49  104  -55  37

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookford Otters           45  25  12   8  88  50  +38  87
  2 Chatswood                  45  26   9  10  65  27  +38  87
  3 Leichhardt                 45  23  17   5  53  30  +23  86
  4 Goodfeather FC             45  24   8  13  90  59  +31  80
  5 Mantlegrove                45  21  11  13  65  51  +14  74
  6 Raven River                45  21  10  14  76  60  +16  73
  7 North Sabrefell            45  22   7  16  60  50  +10  73
  8 Corvette Maulers           45  21  10  14  65  56   +9  73
  9 Vermillion Wanderers       45  19  11  15  59  45  +14  68
 10 Barossia United            45  19  11  15  57  44  +13  68
 11 Cranequin Wanderers        45  17  14  14  52  42  +10  65
 12 Cypher Town                45  17  13  15  51  51   +0  64
 13 Armstrong                  45  15  14  16  49  49   +0  59
 14 AFC Serpentine             45  16   9  20  58  68  -10  57
 15 Chardonnay Rangers         45  15  10  20  58  64   -6  55
 16 Corinthians No Longer      45  13  15  17  51  60   -9  54
 17 Greygate                   45  14   7  24  58  75  -17  49
 18 AFC Rochford               45   9  19  17  43  53  -10  46
 19 Alliance Barossia          45  13   7  25  41  77  -36  46
 20 Bishop                     45  10  14  21  53  74  -21  44
 21 Gonen's Bridge             45  11  11  23  43  69  -26  44
 22 The Strongest              45  11  11  23  52  86  -34  44
 23 Aries Solitaire            45   9  15  21  54  77  -23  42
 24 Pillars of Southfell       45   9  15  21  43  67  -24  42

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            45  31   5   9  72  39  +33  98
  2 Morningstar               45  27  10   8  91  41  +50  91
  3 Locksley                  45  27   9   9  88  54  +34  90
  4 Hackett                   45  25  10  10  66  39  +27  85
  5 Peregrine                 45  25   8  12  89  52  +37  83
  6 Boltcroft Thorns          45  21  14  10  70  49  +21  77
  7 Crisisbless Athletic      45  22   9  14  69  52  +17  75
  8 West Brinemouth           45  19  13  13  56  42  +14  70
  9 Falston United            45  18  14  13  50  53   -3  68
 10 Dartmouth Terriers        45  17  13  15  52  44   +8  64
 11 Ritter Town               45  17  11  17  68  52  +16  62
 12 Autumnstone               45  16   7  22  68  68   +0  55
 13 Gosmouth Swans            45  15  10  20  48  63  -15  55
 14 Sheridan                  45  13  15  17  36  41   -5  54
 15 Riverkey                  45  13  14  18  41  48   -7  53
 16 Ballardine FC             45  13  13  19  46  63  -17  52
 17 Extreme Hills             45  14   9  22  58  86  -28  51
 18 Ingram Township           45  14   8  23  39  58  -19  50
 19 Mapleford                 45  13  10  22  44  72  -28  49
 20 Stonegrave                45  11  14  20  36  48  -12  47
 21 The Hanged Man            45   9  15  21  34  51  -17  42
 22 Kensey Town               45  10  11  24  48  83  -35  41
 23 Rochford Pilgrims         45  10  10  25  46  88  -42  40
 24 Lazuli Diamonds           45  10   8  27  51  80  -29  38

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 New Oakstone Phoenix         45  30   8   7  115  52  +63  98
  2 Lockheed Zenith              45  30   8   7  102  53  +49  98
  3 Southriver                   45  26   8  11   70  39  +31  86
  4 Kommissar                    45  25  11   9   71  43  +28  86
  5 Brokenarch                   45  24   9  12   75  51  +24  81
  6 East Laithland Harriers      45  23  10  12   82  57  +25  79
  7 AFC Shale                    45  22  11  12   60  34  +26  77
  8 Brindleton                   45  21  13  11   61  40  +21  76
  9 Crossroads Town              45  18  11  16   82  74   +8  65
 10 Caldwick Strand              45  17  13  15   71  75   -4  64
 11 Cranequin Souths             45  18   8  19   70  79   -9  62
 12 Martella Jazz                45  16  10  19   71  80   -9  58
 13 Corvistone City              45  14  15  16   42  51   -9  57
 14 Lindmark Falcons             45  15  11  19   60  72  -12  56
 15 Strephonage                  45  15  10  20   48  63  -15  55
 16 Hartford Glade               45  16   6  23   63  64   -1  54
 17 Northside Eagles             45  13  10  22   60  83  -23  49
 18 Constance Park               45  11  15  19   41  60  -19  48
 19 Riverkey Shells              45  12  11  22   65  87  -22  47
 20 Coret Rovers                 45  11  11  23   51  79  -28  44
 21 Sirencall FC                 45  10  12  23   50  85  -35  42
 22 Crownsend Journey            45  11   8  26   63  83  -20  41
 23 Ringway                      45   9  11  25   37  76  -39  38
 24 West Hook                    45   6  14  25   45  75  -30  32

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 28, 2020 2:58 am

Well, unfortunately, it appears as though we’ve all rather been let down. Mathematically, several positions remain in play, in the last game (!) of the Premiership season… in practice, all but the fight for fourth are academic. In the relegation playoff Iron City are three points behind Coret Hawks and three above Creed, but… look at their goal difference. They won’t overtake the Hawks, they won’t be overtaken by the Oathmen.

As a final matchday it is, honestly, a disappointing prospect.

It is however also the final match of the 24-team First Division...

FIRST DIVISION FINALE - MINUTE-BY-MINUTE COVERAGE by CLEO SUTTER
TITLE RACE
Brookford Otters (4-3-3) 1 - Wright; 17 - Hail, 5 - Cameron, 21 - Holden, 3 - Cicak; 8 - Morwen, 4 - Koetter, 11 - Foster; 7 - Waters, 9 - Jewel, 18 - Samsa
Form Guide: 2W - 1D - 2L
AFC Rochford (4-4-2) 12 - Malanta; 17 - Auburn, 5 - Raleigh, 6 - Mailar, 3 - Radic; 7 - Kaskanis, 4 - Finnan, 8 - Perish, 11 - Crozier; 22 - Kane, 9 - Non
Form Guide: 0W - 4D - 1L
Despite the tension of the occasion, there is still a clear favourite at the top. The Otters have the easiest brief against relegated opponents that can’t remember their last win. They currently hold 1st by the slimmest margin - goals scored, while Leichhardt are a point further behind with an insurmountably poor goal difference. Brookford mostly have a clean bill of health… with the rather crippling exception of talismanic winger Annika Cashin. The Owls are more or less intact.

Chatswood (4-2-3-1) 1 - Williams; 17 - Markus, 5 - Ozolx-Alfan, 20 - Bishop, 3 - Hammond; 15 - Bischoff, 8 - Vollath; 13 - Conleth, 10 - Madine, 11 - Woodrow; 9 - Herron
Form Guide: 3W - 2D - 0L
Corvette Maulers (4-3-3) 1 - Marisnick; 2 - Florenzi, 13 - Baxton, 22 - Mastiff, 6 - Seraph; 8 - Daescher, 4 - Brighton, 21 - Banks; 7 - Innes, 9 - Brummer, 13 - Betancourt
Form Guide: 1W - 2D - 2L
Chatswood must beat Brookford’s result, but a win by another goal would do. Anything less opens them up to being overtaken by the Stargazers. Their biggest absences are deft midfielder Vishca and imposing centre-half Imhoff, but their depth is strong. A couple of changes for Maulers mean that locals with typical weird Valesider names get injected into the team, with ‘Cat Baxton’ and ‘Hawker Banks’ making rare starts; with usual playmaker Halfhill’s form tailing off in the back end of the season, it’s a chance for Banks to assert himself, while muscular Brady Innes has a 29th straight start due to Seth Blunt’s ACL injury.

Leichhardt (4-2-3-1) 20 - Laczko; 6 - Somner, 5 - Saunders, 18 - Foreman, 3 - Berwick; 4 - Hagaz, 36 - Tapper; 15 - Meier, 8 - Kubala, 16 - Petrus; 21 - Stevenson
Form Guide: 1W - 4D - 0L
Raven River (4-3-1-2) 1 - Carver; 17 - Beister, 5 - Niehaus, 19 - Lampshire, 3 - Melander; 21 - Sinodinos, 4 - Zahra, 15 - Paterson; 8 - Soler; 10 - Beridze, 9 - Crowe
Form Guide: 1W - 2D - 2L
Just a point behind, but the Stargazers are obvious long shots. Goal difference doesn’t factor; they need a win, they need Brookford and Chatswood to drop points. Diandra Ballard has shifted from her usual 4-4-2 to try and exert more control over River’s packed midfield; precocious teenager Feo Tapper will have a lot of work to do. Journeywoman Misha Paterson will be playing her last professional game tonight, and adds experience to a callow midfield.

RELEGATION RACE
AFC Serpentine (4-4-2) 1 - Tell; 2 - Oakes, 5 - Bull, 6 - Toure, 3 - Kendrick; 23 - Marc, 4 - Tanzer, 8 - Gillard, 13 - Rhine; 21 - Menander, 10 - Greening
Form Guide: 1W - 1D - 3L
Armstrong (4-4-2) 1 - Virtanen; 2 - Hope, 5 - Diallo, 19 - Asbjornsson, 3 - Lax; 7 - Kohr, 6 - Curate, 8 - Xavier, 11 - Loxton; 9 - Pawnbroker, 16 - Henderson
Form Guide: 4W - 0D - 1L
Serpentine’s fate is in their own hands, but their goal difference leaves them vulnerable. A draw pulls them out of automatic relegation, but a victorious CNL would overhaul them and take them to a playoff; defeat means that wins for either would overtake them, and both, of course, doom them. For Serpentine, their strikers - miniscule Menander and lean Greening - will have their hands full just surviving the hulking Asbjornsson. With #10 Brogan Poppey on the bench, Armstrong are just one substitution from having their numerical first XI on the pitch. Despite their tepid season, they’re the second-most in-form side in the league, behind only Greygate.

Gonen’s Bridge (4-4-2) 1 - Reiner; 17 - Unworth, 22 - Clement, 6 - Serket, 3 - Seitz; 23 - Gruether, 35 - Bedesman, 8 - Resch, 16 - Connell; 15 - Sutton, 10 - Murin
Form Guide: 1W - 1D - 3L
Chardonnay Rangers (4-4-2) 1 - Lindt; 2 - Kambol, 5 - Antrim, 6 - Pryor, 3 - Vestager; 23 - Lodge, 4 - Kattis, 20 - Wallcroft, 11 - Lindwurm; 9 - Wright, 10 - Rayne
Form Guide: 1W - 2D - 2L
All possibilities are open to the Rangers, but victory would guarantee they at least aren’t relegated tonight. Bridge’s embryonic midfield core consists of two 20-year olds, though Page Resch’s birthday is tomorrow. Rangers will miss key playmaker Alessa Bernat, and there’s a suspicion that Cynthia Rayne’s been rushed back from a hamstring strain. One to watch if the Dogsmouth international goes down heavily.

The Strongest (4-3-3) 12 - Verlinden; 17 - Sanwald, 5 - Beresford, 13 - Wiseman, 3 - March; 14 - Masters, 4 - Ascham, 8 - Korchnoi; 23 - Sunstroem, 10 - Rotariu, 11 - Nizarut
Form Guide: 0W - 3D - 2L
Corinthians No Longer (4-3-3) 12 - Rowett; 34 - Commons, 4 - Pepper, 5 - Axweald, 6 - Cattalock; 15 - Barron, 20 - Mariner, 10 - Klein; 23 - Hart, 9 - Troche, 16 - Bouman
Form Guide: 1W - 2D - 2L
Unless Chardonnay get absolutely pasted - which is possible, the Strongest are nothing if not unpredictable - CNL will need a win to stay in with a chance of survival. An injury to Garrick Fraser and a terribly-timed suspension for domineering rightback Adrian Feruga mean that CNL’s back line is three creaking veterans and a teenage rightback. The Strongest have been hit by a couple of injuries themselves, but the key men - Masters, Sunstroem, Rotariu - are all there and able to do some damage.

DEAD RUBBERS
Pillars of Southfell vs. Goodfeather FC
Aries Solitaire vs. Mantlegrove
Greygate vs. Bishop
Cranequin Wanderers vs. North Sabrefell
Alliance Barossia vs. Cypher Town
Vermillion Wanderers vs. Barossia United

KICK-OFF!!!

1 mins - And we’re underway. Untouched by the Premiership’s corruption, 1Div enjoys a blessedly anarchic and relevant close to the season. It also enjoys shitters like Mia Gruether who wouldn’t be fit to lace the boots of a Premiership player, but that’s part of the joy.

2 mins - Chardonnay Rangers get the ball to Sylvia Wright on the edge of the box; she does what she does and shoots on sight. Well wide, and covered by November Reiner, but that’s not the point; she’s up for this, and the quick, rueful dusting-off of hands and sharp breath should be taken as a portent of the apocalypse for the Warriors.

3 mins - In the early stages, Brookford have played a lot like a team winning the 1Div against a side floating around in doomed lower-midtable, which is what’s happening.

4 mins - As ever, though our focus is on the actual relevant matches, we’ll still be bringing goals, red cards and anything else significant from the who-gives-a-shit fixtures. Like so...

5 mins - GOAL! POS 0-1 GDF. Now there’s a trigramme that reflects how Pillars have been playing over the course of the season. For instance, not closing down Bastet North, just retreating and retreating until she whips one into the bottom corner. Her 35th goal of a massively prolific breakthrough season.

6 mins - We’re like five minutes in and already Armstrong’s plan is clear. It’s the same plan they’ve had for the past decade or so. Defend in packs, sling crosses forward at the big lads. Serpentine are doing a convincing impression of a side that somehow had no idea they’d do that. Here Gerrard Tell is, dropping a cross like a moron.

7 mins - Chatswood should be ahead! As the cliche goes, Kanerva Herron does the hard part - deftly trapping a diagonal from Severa Conleth in the air, letting it bounce at her feet as Baxton retreats, before crashing past the defender - and then blows the easy part, strolling one-on-one with Marisnick only to blast over.

8 mins - GOAL! GRG 1-0 BIS. Bishop do a lot of fancy and pleasant things, and have a lot of fancy and pleasant players who are sure to be picked up by fancy and pleasant clubs in the off-season. They also can’t defend crosses for shit. Mkrtchyan takes advantage.

9 mins - GOAL! SRP 1-0 ARM. First goal in one of the relevant matches, and it’s completely against the run of play. Another interminable Armstrong cross is headed away to midfield by Corren Toure, Sven Gillard overpowers Curate, turns her and whips a defence-splitting pass down the left. Rhine’s first touch slots it to the far post, where the Chromatik winger Marc slots home. A beautifully-executed counter, against a side rarely open enough to be.

10 mins - And the Dragons almost get a second in quick succession! Another clever passing move, Kitti Menander whips in a vicious shot but Virtanen’s reactions are incredible to push it around the post.

11 mins - Leichhardt aginst River is the big clash on paper, but isn’t doing so hot on paper. Leichhardt are capable in midfield and composed at the back; uncharacteristically, so are River. But when it comes to something weird and mercurial, that’s something River are known for, have the weapons for.

12 mins - Rochford get their first shot on target against the Otters, but it’s a fairly pedestrian effort, Scylla Perish wriggling free of Koetter and Morwen only to have her shot easily beaten away by Damir Wright. Wright is arguably the best goalkeeper in the league, while opposite number Cordrut Malanta has shown himself to be easily good enough for this level.

13 mins - GOAL! BRO 0-1 RCH. Rochford get their second shot on target against the Otters. Diana Kaskanis advances with danger down the right, before playing a deft one-two with veteran rightback Cheney Auburn that cuts out Cicak. Kaskanis cuts a low cross across the face of goal, and Kristian Non can only stretch a toe to it, glancing the ball against the post… but it bounces back favourably for Perish, thinking fast, to quickly readjust her positioning and drive home with her first touch!

14 mins - The news reaches Chatswood. There’s cheers in the stands - as things stand they’ll win the league - but they’ll be mindful the job’s far from over. If they score, however, things start to look great for the Woodsmen.

15 mins - GOAL! STR 0-1 CNL. The Strongest get caught sloppily on the break, and all for an attack that petres out when Marius Sanwald’s cross is caught easily by Anders Rowett. The veteran keeper hoofs it up down the left, where jet-heeled Drea Bouman is able to, well, linger in the space her nominal marker Sanwald isn’t, and race clear. She should really centre for a teammate when Verlinden comes out, but manages to drive a strike past the rushing keeper’s near post regardless.

16 mins - GOAL! ARS 0-1 MTG. More synergy between trigramme and form spotted, methinks. Alexandra Lazarou, who is extremely good, makes a mazy run through Feistle, Montag and whoever is the fucking backup to Berthold fucking Ruprecht, who are collectively not. The shot slots through Chaeffer’s legs and Lazarou races to the away fans, whipping off her shirt - wahey! - to reveal a tank-top devoted to ‘TRIX - FOR ALL THE GOOD TIMES ; )’. The smiley is actually one of those ‘emoji’ you see around sometimes.

17 mins - Chardonnay Rangers have looked comfortably superior against a Gonen’s Bridge side starring an embryonic central midfield. The issue is the lack of creativity in their own midfield, leading to a lot of the ball but, so far, not a lot of the ball at Sylvia Wright’s feet.

18 mins - … seriously, though, who the fuck is Trix?

19 mins - A defence-splitting pass from Ferri Kubala, well, splits River’s defence. Ernie Stevenson’s on the end of it, looks up, shoots - blocked well by an amazing covering challenge from Steed Beister - and the followup falls to Feo Tapper, whose shot is pulled well, well wide.

20 mins - GOAL! SRP 1-1 ARM. A great reflex save from Gerrard Tell denies Gareth Pawnbroker, who overpowers his mark brilliantly to forge the opening and beats his fist against the ground at the mis… but it doesn’t matter, since hulking war criminal Asbjornsson lumbers up and forces home the corner anyway. Back to square one, then.

21 mins - The Strongest’s leftback, March, has just been guilty of a foul throw. Sigh.

22 mins - Bridge almost take the lead against Chardonnay Rangers! More patient play at the back leads to the sluggish centre-half Remus Antrim having his pocket picked by vivacious Roanna Murin, who turns and spins to fire off a shot - but Pryor comes flying in with a sliding challenge to block the ball and send it to the stands. Antrim, very much the seasoned veteran of the defence, looks like a man whose blushes have just been spared.

23 mins - One of the commentators might have a lead on Lazarou’s Trix. She apparently went to the same high school as a Trixi Sanders. My high school was fucking devoid of good times, I’ll tell you that much.

24 mins - GOAL! CHT 1-0 CVM. Chatswood solidify their place at the top, their bodies in midfield telling against a fresh and naive Corvette. Heiko Vollath cuts out a sloppy touch from the neophyte Banks, plays a deft pass down the flank to Woodrow and arrives late in the box to finish the move, five passes later. An exquisite performance from what is ordinarily a very safe and functional midfielder, and it’s put one hand around the title trophy.

25 mins - The news has reached Brookford, whose fans exhort their players forward, forward! Scout Morwen gets told to shoot! She obliges! That was a mistake.

26 mins - GOALS! GRG 2-0 BIS; VRW 1-0 BAU. Neither in a game that matters. For Greygate, Andrey Mincham heads home an excellent corner from Cooper. For Vermillion, Kruger’s power and footballing intelligence let her carve an opening she unselfishly centres for Maier to finish.

27 mins - Brilliant save from Laczko saves Leichhardt after an uncharacteristically sloppy pass in defence - Berwick tries to pass along to Foreman but it’s rapidly cut out by Asli Crowe, whose snap-shot is brilliantly pawed out of the top corner.

28 mins - I’m looking up Trix online. I can watch my phone-screen and twelve different streams at the same time. It’s not just that Malte freak.

29 mins - GOAL! CHT 1-1 CVM. Corvette have had just a single shot on target thus far, but their second hits paydirt. A graceful touch from Daescher, turning, spotting the run of Florenzi down the right, playing a deft one-two and blasting low past Williams’ near post. Did she see it late through the bodies?

30 mins - Chatswood will still win with the scores as they are, though. Obviously it’s a lot more fragile now. They shoot from the first passage of play from the restart, but Conleth’s shot is well outside the box and floats safely to Marisnick’s hands.

31 mins - GOAL! GBR 0-1 CDR. A vital goal from Chardonnay Rangers! A diagonal ball from Lindwurm is headed back weakly by Iskar Serket, and no white-and-red shirt touches it again. Bedesman can only exert weak pressure as Cynthia Rayne traps the rebound, turns back and feeds in the unheralded Wallcroft, who shoots with his only touch and finds the bottom corner.

32 mins - Valerie Marcovaldo, from Cranequin, volunteers she follows a camgirl called Trixie Fenwick. A… Brenecian, apparently. You’re from Cranequin and you have to outsource your hot people? Look outside your window, sweetheart!

33 mins - GOAL! GBR 0-2 CDR. Bridge are a mess, and November Reiner won’t want to see that one again. After Anders Wallcroft hits a thumping header forward, Sylvia Wright nips ahead of Serket to get on it and fires low and hard, but straight at Reiner. Nevertheless, the ball somehow smacks downwards through her hands and into the net. Reiner stares at her gloves.

34 mins - Already getting another couple Fenwick fans in my inbox. Look, it is known that Brenecians look weird and blocky and not in the hot, solid kind of way. They’re all chunky but don’t have curves somehow and have sleet in their hair and mud in their shoes and a weird glassy look in their eyes that betrays the fact they can’t read. I will concede that, upon looking up Fenwick, she may have some honest Marcher blood in her, and/or be from Westpike.

35 mins - GOAL! ARS 0-2 MTG. Another goalkeeping error, which perhaps goes sme way to explaining why these are, you know, 1Div and not Premiership goalkeepers. A cross from Amerill Londe could easily have been claimed by Chaeffer if she’d stepped at all off her line, but she hesitates and Condor Madrid nods home Mantlegrove’s second.

36 mins - Armstrong might have lead, but Emily Kohr follows up a clever run that leaves Kendrick in her dust with a mishit strike that trickles feebly to Tell. At roughly the same time, River make a creditable opening that lets Beridze force a save from Laczko at full stretch… but Soler, setting her up, was offside in any case.

37 mins - GOAL! POS 1-1 GDF. Ulrica Rannon will always be a danger over a set piece. Won cheaply, punished severely, she sticks it right in the corner.

38 mins - Goodfeather have done very well in two of the past three seasons, but the landscape is going to change significantly next year. And, besides, they realistically can’t keep ahold of Bastet North, who has been sensationally called up for the coming Eagles’ Cup. She’ll be a Cormorant, if a somewhat second-string one, without a Premiership appearance to her name.

39 mins - GOAL! STR 1-1 CNL. It’s been coming. CNL have rested on their lead, and a side with dangerous weapons can punish you. And every side except Pillars have a dangerous weapon in this league. Today, it’s Tulaska Sunstroem.

40 mins - GOAL! BRO 1-1 RCH. Brookford have also been knocking on the door, dominating possession since Rochford’s goal, and now they finally have it. A no-look pass with the outside of the boot from Foster cuts through the defence, but Cordrut Malanta comes out flying to deny Andrine Samsa, before a rushed rebound from Morwen is also clawed away. But Aurora Jewel overpowers Viktor Raleigh in search of the final rebound, and she has an empty net to tap into as Malanta desperately tries to return to his post.

41 mins - The Otters will now win it all as things stand. They’re an impressive side, albeit built on their absolutely brilliant wingers… one of whom, Cashin, isn’t even here. The other, Linoan Waters, has been quiet thus far against the diligent Jenni Radic.

42 mins - Feh, my inbox. People accusing me of ‘discriminating’ against ‘Brenecians’, as if they’re ‘people’. The ignorance here.

43 mins - GOAL! LEI 1-0 RVR. River go forward, but the killer ball from Sinodinos is cut out by the sliding Feo Tapper, and Shrike Hagaz takes it up the other end. He goes a long way before making use of his options before letting Asp Somner cut inside him on the overlap, and Somner in turn cuts back for Ferri Kubala to trap, glide past Niehaus and hammer past Carver to put his hometown club in a hole. As things stand, Leichhardt will now be champions!

44 mins - PENALTY IN SERPENTINE! Emily Kohr is shown rather too much leg by her impetuous marker, Sander Lax. She obliges by dragging her own leg as she cuts outside him and, oops, there she tumbles inside the box. Cleverly-won but objectively the right call.

45 mins - GOALS! SRP 1-2 ARM; CRW 1-0 NSF. Ivana Henderson makes no mistake from the penalty spot, Tell going the right way but nowhere near as far as Henderson drills it. Meanwhile, Cranequin take the lead over North Sabrefell with a boring, patient passing move eventually making a gap that Rhoda Treeswallow takes advantage to stab home from.

Injury time - GOAL! GRG 2-1 BIS. Listen, Bishop might be screwed, but Isla Leskosek’s agent is going to be busy-busy-busy in the off-season. Why? Because of times where she can just dazzle past two men and curl one into the top corner, as she, well, almost does now. But her shot caroms off the underside of the crossbar; good thing Burbank’s following up to drive in the rebound and give Bishop some semblance of hope.

HALF-TIME!

Brookford Otters 1-1 AFC Rochford
Chatswood 1-1 Corvette Maulers
Leichhardt 1-0 Raven River
Permutations: Leichhardt will win the league, and with it, automatic promotion. Brookford and Chatswood will play off for the chance to play the Premiership playoff candidate (realistically, Iron City).

AFC Serpentine 1-2 Armstrong
Gonen's Bridge 0-2 Chardonnay Rangers
The Strongest 1-1 Corinthians No Longer
Permutations: Chardonnay Rangers are safe, Serpentine have a playoff against the winner of Morningstar and Locksley, while Corinthians No Longer will be automatically relegated.

Pillars of Southfell 1-1 Goodfeather FC
Aries Solitaire 0-2 Mantlegrove
Greygate 2-1 Bishop
Cranequin Wanderers 1-0 North Sabrefell
Alliance Barossia 0-0 Cypher Town
Vermillion Wanderers 1-0 Barossia United
Permutations: Aries Solitaire take the wooden spoon from Pillars.

RESTART!!!

46 mins - Nyna Kane, Kanerva Herron, Asli Crowe, Alyssa Greening, Granit Nizarut and Cynthia Rayne get us back underway. Nizarut’s pass is immediately cut out by Clovis Klein. Auspicious.

47 mins - Linoan Waters, who has had a quiet first half for the Otters, cuts through Crozier, plays a deft one-two with Isobel Foster to dart in past Mailar, one-on-one with goalkeeper Cordrut Malanta… but her finishing touch deserts her, and Malanta’s quick reflexes block the shot.

48 mins - PENALTY IN LEICHHARDT! Listen. Listen! Lauren Beridze doesn’t score much for a striker, but she presses high from the front and makes small contributions and excels in subtle things. Like a cheeky little dink to Soler that’s really a cheeky little dink to Berwick’s awkwardly-placed arm.

49 mins - GOAL! LEI 1-1 RVR. Not sure if that should be a penalty, but it was, and Misha Paterson sends Laczko the wrong way. All three promotion-vying sides are now locked in 1-1 stalemates, which favours Brookford.

50 mins - And of those three, who would even be the best to survive in the Premiership? Leichhardt have solidity, but little flash; Brookford have brilliant talents but an aging side with a few players demonstrably not up to snuff; Chatswood look the best on paper, but even they would need heavy improvements. Maybe not a striker, though, as Kanerva Herron’s come along wonderfully.

51 mins - Another great save from Cordrut Malanta! Then another, in quick succession! First, Waters puts him at full stretch to claw it around the post, and the resulting corner is headed firmly on target by Kurtis Holden but caught on the full by the Owls keeper.

52 mins - GOAL! STR 1-2 CNL. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Calamitous defending. The Strongest’s goalkeeper, Elaine Verlinden, has been an excellent shot-stopper… not so good in the air, and she fumbles a corner expertly delivered by Siri Cattalock and gets in a tangle with Wiseman as Erinys Hart, quick to react, stabs home the loose ball. As things stand, CNL are now safe. 16-win, 57-point Serpentine are going down. What a season!

53 mins - Lazarou’s Trix update: some tabloid journalist has made an unsubstantiated rumour that Trix is the sex worker Lazarou considers a favourite at her local brothel. Variety’s the spice of life, Alexandra. Live a little.

54 mins - GOAL! CHT 1-2 CVM. Cheap foul given away on the wing, Alex Woodrow tracking back only to drag down Brady Innes. Oh, they are made to pay for that. Daescher drills the free kick low and Betancourt drifts away from her marker, turns and fires low past an immobile Williams.

55 mins - Corvette have looked slightly the better of the two teams thus far, and the lead is warranted. Chatswood themselves have not exactly been prolific this season, but the simple combination of Alex Woodrow’s brilliant crossing and Kanerva Herron’s commanding heading, or of Severa Conleth just doing something, or even the overwhelmed young Cat Baxton having a brain fade… well, it’s far from over. Still, as it stands, Chatswood are third.

56 mins - “At the risk of being one of those people who says ‘this is one of those days for Brookford’,” says Kevan Lister, in the awkward position of being a Brookford fan living in Rochford, “this is turning into one of those days for Brookford.” Well, Kevi, I’ve got some bad news for you...

57 mins - GOAL! GBR 1-2 CDR. Things are interesting again at the Bridge. Chardonnay Rangers had been sailing, but Roanna Murin boasts the chutzpah to try to chip a ball over a defender’s head, the technique to actually pull it off, and the pace to race around the puzzled figure of Kattis, cut across Antrim and drive a low shot past Lindt. A genuine solo goal in an era of weak foreign concepts like ‘teamwork’.

58 mins - Diandra Ballard readies Leichhardt’s first change of the night; 24-year old striker Gloria Kewell comes on for Feo Tapper, the teenage midfielder who played a part in their goal and had an excellent first half, but now is the time, it seems, to go direct on a day where only a win will do. Emil Klempner’s injury may cost them, though his virtues have never included a prolific eye for goal.

59 mins - GOALS! POS 1- 2 GDF; ALB 0-1 CYT. Goals in two dead rubbers. Kathil Mizumaru’s strike is horribly deflected off Helena Schmidt’s instep to spin past Brookhouse, while Kynda-Sevet cleverly starts and deftly finishes a sleek passing move from Cypher that leaves Alliance heads spinning.

60 mins - Brookford are left to kick themselves yet again! Koetter wins the ball, plays in Samsa, who plays forward the overlapping Pavel Cicak, who centres low and hard, Jewel gets on the end of it-- she must score! She doesn’t! Toebashed just wide from four yards! Rochford defender Raleigh laughs, unable to believe their luck. Jewel looks about ready to kill him.

61 mins - GOAL! CHT 1-3 CVM. That could be Chatswood done. Brady Innes surges forward and is chopped down brutally by Vollath, but the referee plays advantage as the ball keeps rolling on to Tania Brummer, who goes for power over placement and is vindicated as the ball goes through Williams’ hands, what might have been a sharp if routine save denied by the force of the shot. Brummer’s taking her time with the celebration, milking it in with the away fans. The atmosphere’s turning mutinous.

62 mins - Lyn Havelock mashes all the buttons and pulls all the levers. Laura Rustu, Labinot Ruscoe and some teenager I’ve never heard of all warm up, and it looks like, like Leichhardt, Chatswood are going to shift to God’s own 4-4-2. Corvette ready a defensive substitution of their own, the more cautious and experienced rightback Lena Auteberry to replace Florenzi and batten down the hatches.

63 mins - Idle observation: six of the rightbacks involved in the six relevant fixtures (though neither Florenzi nor Auteberry) are wearing the number 17.

64 mins - RED CARD FOR ARMSTRONG! Maarten Hope will ‘Hope’ they never play that clip around him again. And, well, Maddox Rhine will ‘Hope’ to retain the full motion of his left leg. That was a genuinely brutal, awful challenge from Armstrong’s rightback, he’s making a little praying, worried motion by the referee, she ain’t buying it. He’s off. Armstrong still lead, but what now?

65 mins - Experienced striker Cass Lazaridis warms up for Serpentine. Of their two strikers, Kitti Menander has been threatening, and Alyssa Greening has not; that’s an easy choice for Kurtis Rakeruth. Without a natural rightback on the bench, Gratia Barker resorts to bringing on 35-year old centre-half Istvan Kendrick and having the burly Diallo shift out right; predictably, a striker in Ivana Henderson is sacrificed, though will her intelligent hold-up play be missed?

66 mins - Two people have already got in touch with the official broadcast to claim that they are Lazarou’s Trix, neither of whom answers to a Trix Martell of Treason, who emails me now to claim she is Trix. “She totally looked in my eyes when she was signing her autograph,” she sighs. Is… is that it?

67 mins - Auburn Daescher is having a brilliant game for the Maulers. Tall, lean, offering a deft touch and a wealth of footballing intelligence, she’s absolutely killing Chatswood’s cloggers in the middle of the park. And she’s still only 22! Surely Premiership-bound. Well… top flight-bound, anyway.

68 mins - GOAL! GRG 3-1 BIS. Gareth Temple overpowers Burbank as a promising Bishop passing move breaks down, and Mavrias hammers the ball forward. Scowsmith misjudges its trajectory. Mkrtchyan does not, takes full advantage when it bounces over his head and races on to score.

69 mins - I’ve never rated Scowsmith. He’s the kind of defender who looks sharp and tidy for a couple nice highlights every game, pulls off a miraculous covering challenge every few matches, and constantly fucks up and costs his side points. He can stay down in the third tier, I think. Hector Reiss’ injury has been a massive blow for Bishop.

70 mins - “Who bloody cares about Greygate?” whines Belaskita Griffin from Stahlburg, and I do agree in principle. “Focus on the games that actually matter rather than cluttering up the place!” I don’t disagree and, hell, trust me, my job would me a whole lot easier. But it’s not my brief.

71 mins - GOAL! LEI 2-1 RVR. And the Stargazers are back on top! What’s that name on the scoresheet? Gloria Kewell. Diandra Ballard looks smug; Meier swings in a cross, Stevenson and Niehaus both go for it, the ball skims off some combination of them away from goal but Selina Carver’s relief is short-lived as Kewell, the extra new man in the box, almost slips to readjust, trap the ball and drag it low beyond Carver before Lampshire can come over to help.

72 mins - Leichhardt have been doing great since the tactical change was made, ignoring the centre of the park and overloading the flanks, so River look to match it. The impressive Athena Sinodinos comes off for composed striker Iris Miles; Soler and Beridze drift wide as improvised wingers. Is Michi Leonard overthinking things? Does Misha Paterson have the last twenty minutes in her creaking legs?

73 mins - GOAL! ALB 0-2 CYT. More interplay down the left from Cypher lets Kynda-Sevet play leftback Jacqui Merritt in on goal. The clever fullback rounds Vidmar and rolls the ball in, Tuco Durrig desperately sliding in on the line only to drive the ball further into the net.

74 mins - Conspicuous silence from Trix Martell, but there may be a decisive lead from a more reliable tabloid hack, from the Westerner, a twii from which now alleges that there is a Domina Clarrett she’s been seen with at nightclubs from time to time. Domina-trix. There’s a cute pet name in there, somewhere, and now we know more about Lazarou than anyone perhaps wanted.

75 mins - River almost equalise, but a scrambling save from Luka Laczko, who has otherwise had a fairly uneventful second half, stops Beridze scoring from the edge of the area, and Tess Saunders scampers onto the rebound to clear before Miles can run onto it.

76 mins - GOAL! SRP 2-2 ARM. It’s been coming! Armstrong have been tiring, and there haven’t really been gaps in their lines, but it’s clearly exhausting their players to keep up. So it’s little surprise when Curate carelessly coughs up the ball to Sven Gillard and just doesn’t have it in her to chase convincingly, Gillard tears at goal before playing it safely sideways to Oriane Marc, who whips a confident finish low past Virtanen with her second touch. The reshuffle: Chardonnay safe, Serpentine in the playoff, CNL down.

77 mins - Should be a goal in Brookford, but it’s shit, I hate this league sometimes! Massive air-swing from Andrine Samsa! Cashin would have buried that and judging by the filthy look the stand-in winger just got shot by Aurora Jewel, we may soon need to bury Samsa. And Jewel’s night is over; on comes Helmina Turner, essentially like-for-like.

78 mins - GOAL! GBR 2-2 CDR. Roanna Murin, again! The ball gets congested down the right flank before a sweeping crossfield pass from Unworth frees it, finding Matze Connell, the Rangers have overcommitted, their defence scrambles but Connell finds Sutton who centres for his strike partner to drive past Lindt, and now the Rangers are down as things stand--

79 mins - GOAL! BRO 1-2 RCH. -- and Leichhardt, suddenly, are clear at the top with ten minutes to play, multiple goals now needed in either other fixture! Rochford have only had one shot on target in the second half, and it’s Scylla Perish into the postage stamp, Damir Wright’s fingertips brushing against the strike.

80 mins - Leichhardt fans are going wild in the stands. It’s premature! The Otters can get two goals. Chatswood-- well, Chatswood probably can’t get three. But River could get one, oh so easily, though Esteve Soler will need to do better than a cross like that, easily headed clear by Saunders.

81 mins - Malte Linhardt from Brinemouth emailing in to-- oh, you motherfucker. I’m not giving you screentime here, you fucking hack! With your ‘lighter’ brand of comedy, and your under-the-table deal with First Wind!

82 mins - Just because the bosses love the metrics you bring! Just because they promoted you over my head, gave you the office above mine, the one with the fan and the window! Just because--

83 mins - GOAL! GRG 4-1 BIS. I don’t care! The brass might love you, Malte! You might have a legion of fans!! You might have the sexy job with the league above mine and, hell, you may even have slept with my husband during the office Christmas party! But! This is my corner, and I will fight it, you slick-haired freak!

84 mins - Anyway, football.

85 mins - GOAL! CRW 1-1 NSF. The dying embers of a dead rubber play host to the goal of the round, a curling strike from the hugely impressive Kaisa Gyldenstroem that sizzles past Shanna Cotton on its way in from the edge of the box. Nobody closed her down, nobody thought they’d need to.

86 mins - Promising attack for the Otters! Koetter loses the ball in midfield then immediately wins it back, plays in the substitute Shallows, who plays in Foster, Samsa, back to Foster, Turner-- but it’s already being called back, Foster delayed the first pass too long, Samsa strayed offside, and now they’re arguing fault with each other as Rochford have zero intention of actually restarting until they have to...

87 mins - No such signs of defiance in Chatswood, who already look defeated. A long, thumping cross from Rustu is claimed well by Emilien Marisnick, who falls on it and takes every second he can before getting to his feet.

88 mins - GOAL! SRP 3-2 ARM. Serpentine were already probably safe, but another deft passing move pays dividends. Armstrong’s weariness is telling; Curate misses a tackle on Gillard, and when Menander’s initial effort is driven off the post nobody’s able to get back in time to stop super-sub Lazaridis driving home the rebound, a classic poaching move from a classic poacher. Serpentine overtake Armstrong on the table, though the Paladins are in no danger.

89 mins - My worthless husband is emailing in to deny everything. Don’t even bother, sweetheart! I know what you’ve done!

90 mins - Tick-tock, tick-tock. Just two minutes of stoppage time for the Otters. Three for Armstrong, four for the Rangers; both would need to score for it to matter. Rochford are time-wasting; they’ve no love for nearby Brookford, and Cheney Auburn’s booked for wasting a heroic amount of time to take a throw-in.

Injury time - GOAL! LEI 3-1 RVR. A cross from Petrus. A weak punch away from Carver. Niehaus hesitates at the crucial moment; fresh substitute Kewell does not. Can they do it? Have they done it? Diandra Ballard throws on some kid to waste precious time, but there’s barely time left before the final whistle regardless. And then, like dominoes, the one in Chatswood that seals their defeat to Corvette. Then the one in Brookford that seals their defeat to Rochford. Leichhardt, in a season where they sacked their manager after just three games, have done it… they wil lift the trophy and join the first season of the-- but are we forgetting something? A desperate final free kick forward by Lindt, the goalkeeper putting her all into it. Wallcroft rises high to head it further forwards… and Clement clears it. Chardonnay Rangers have a creditable away point at a difficult venue to go… and it isn’t enough, as both other relegation battlers win to consign them to the third tier. Their record suggests they can never be counted out. Next season, at least, they should be a terror. And so...

FINAL RESULTS
Brookford Otters 1-2 AFC Rochford
Chatswood 1-3 Corvette Maulers
Leichhardt 3-1 Raven River

AFC Serpentine 3-2 Armstrong
The Strongest 1-2 Corinthians No Longer
Gonen's Bridge 2-2 Chardonnay Rangers

Pillars of Southfell 1-2 Goodfeather FC
Aries Solitaire 0-2 Mantlegrove
Greygate 4-1 Bishop
Cranequin Wanderers 1-1 North Sabrefell
Alliance Barossia 0-2 Cypher Town
Vermillion Wanderers 1-0 Barossia United

THE FINAL DAY OF THE PREMIERSHIP …

… is, as stated, mostly an anticlimax.

Creed offer too little, too late, hammering Newrook 3-0, but even their nominal hopes of survival are torpedoed when a heavily rested lineup of Iron manage a spectacular 3-3 draw against Crisisbless, beleagured striker Xandra Vermouth - very much in Brimorii’s shadow all season - ecstatic in scoring a brace that takes her to three league goals. It’s a bone to throw to 36-year old Wotan Hornwood, as well, their backup goalkeeper who has never played in the top flight but gets the opportunity in his final match before retirement. He isn’t very good, failing to claim a cross headed in by Germain and beaten at his near post by Lili Marinca, but that isn’t the point. Vermillion, the only side with anything to defend, hold onto their Champions League place with a 2-0 win over Stahlburg City, while Moths manager Metzelder is more than happy just to pulverise her old protege at Belgrave, 4-1. First plays second and, well... as always, the Chariots are respectable. But, as always this season, Brinemouth are just too good in the end, and second-half strikes from substitutes Tidesson and Saitou win the day and, with that, the final Premiership season. They will not keep the trophy long; after the next season runs its course, the Premiership trophy is going to Treason permanently, which won 10 of the things. Next year, a new trophy. A new brand. A new pinnacle of the game.

The first season of the Zenith.

PLAYOFFS
3Div vs. 2Div
New Oakstone Phoenix 1-0 Southriver
Ballardine FC 2-2 New Oakstone Phoenix (2-4 AET)

So nearly the Cinderella story of a couple years back, Ballardine get sucked into a nightmare and dumped into the fourth tier. New Oakstone, once Mainstream Fist, have Premiership pedigree. From… a while back, granted.

2Div vs. 1Div
Morningstar 2-0 Locksley
Corinthians No Longer 1-2 Morningstar

CNL surprise everyone by collapsing at the death; Morningstar’s frantic yo-yoing continues.

1Div vs. Premier
Brookford Otters 3-2 Chatswood
Iron City 2-1 Brookford Otters

Brookford draw Chatswood into their kind of anarchy and carve them open on the break, a late fightback initiated by Beth Madine not enough to overturn the deficit. Iron City won’t, and don’t, make the same mistake, and the Otters’ legs are heavy. Xandra Vermouth scores first, a surprise start after an injury in training to Manahaal Brimorii terrifies the fans, but her diving header proves she’s up to the task, and it’s her knockdown of Remsza’s cross that allows Isla Snowpoint to drive home the decisive goal. Otters rightback Gareth Hail somehow becomes the furthest man forward to nip in a late consolation, but Iron hold out.

CWC FINAL
Arrayed against a powerful and disciplined Union, the Moths take an early lead, a blistering passing move thumped home with venom by Lyzolda Petrov. They think they have a second, but Belgrade’s narrowly offside when she breaks the defensive line, and they’re made to pay through the danger woman, Calindra Apelles, who spins past two men and curls a deft finish beyond Markgraf with the outside of the boot late on. Again, in extra time, the Moths take the lead; again, Union claw it back last, Apelles this time setting up the substitute VZR. The shootout is… well, not one to write home about. Markgraf makes two saves and watches Cu Roi Garrard balloon his into the stands, and even then, the Moths lose out.

Northern Union 1-1 Sabrefell Moths (2-2 AET, 2-1 pens)

CDC FINAL
The regional affair is dry, two jaded, weary teams opting for safety first. There’s flashes of danger every now and again, but it feels inevitable that it will come down to penalties, though that’s threatened with the last kick of the 90 minutes when Kelly McInnes sends a piledriver into the underside of the post. It bounces down… and away, and that’s Treason’s best chance. The last penalty brushes underneath Clavel’s hand on its way past him, as CAP secure victory.

CA Paulinthal 0-0 AFC Treason (0-0 AET, 4-3 pens)

CUP FINAL
Following the theme, there’s little intrigue in the Cup final despite what seems at the outset like a sizzling fixture. Laureline Forestier is pivotal to the key events of a quiet first half, first scoring with a coolly-drilled strike from outside the box, then getting brutalised by Ivana Tokich, who is sent off without fanfare 27 minutes in. For the Chariots, it’s been a long, long season, and they falter almost immediately after equalising on the hour through Purna Zazagan; Kuzener scores in the 64th and draws a penalty for Nagy to smash home in the 68th, and in injury time, Nathan Ellis heads home the fourth and final nail in the coffin off Heidke’s corner.

Aries Chariots 1-4 Southfell United

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               46  30   7   9  102   40  +62  97
  2 Aries Chariots           46  27   7  12   73   48  +25  88
  3 Vermillion Rage          46  25  10  11   77   48  +29  85
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       46  24  12  10   95   60  +35  84
  5 Sabrefell Moths          46  25   7  14   95   60  +35  82
  6 Crisisbless              46  22  13  11   88   49  +39  79
  7 AFC Treason              46  22  13  11   51   30  +21  79
  8 Stahlburg City           46  21  11  14   59   44  +15  74
  9 North Laithland          46  19  10  17   65   69   -4  67
 10 AFC Corvistone           46  19   9  18   73   64   +9  66
 11 Belgrave                 46  20   6  20   74   80   -6  66
 12 Starling                 46  18   8  20   65   69   -4  62
 13 Parrhesia United         46  17  10  19   68   79  -11  61
 14 South Laithland          46  14  17  15   48   50   -2  59
 15 Newrook City             46  15  13  18   53   64  -11  58
 16 Southfell United         46  15  10  21   58   61   -3  55
 17 Coret Hawks              46  16   7  23   61   73  -12  55
 18 Chenoworth Rovers        46  12  18  16   52   65  -13  54
 19 Iron City                46  13  11  22   45   66  -21  50
 20 Creed United             46  13   9  24   52   67  -15  48
 21 Diamondqueen             46  13   8  25   50   92  -42  47
 22 Crisisbless United       46  12   9  25   53   88  -35  45
 23 Chenoworth Harriers      46  10   9  27   44   78  -34  39
 24 Stahlburg Rovers         46  11   4  31   50  107  -57  37

TOP SCORERS
27 - Petrov (SFM), Jackson (BRI)
25 - Tomlinson (SFA)
24 - rue Cazade (BRI), Bestatter (VRR)
23 - Benezet (SFA)
21 - Germain (CRI)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Lyzolda Petrov (SFM) [Fewer penalties]
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Farago rue Cazade (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Radeka Lind (VRR)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Lukas Tauscher (BRI)
Team of the Year: Senninger (ARC); Rostock (STC), Anderson (VRR), Murje (TRE), Teijeiro (ARC); Mrdja (VRR), Shone (BRI), rue Cazade (BRI), Bowman (CRI); Jackson (BRI), Petrov (SFM)
Bench: Heuser (BRI); Stride (TRE), Muscadin (SFM), Tauscher (BRI), Maersk (VRR), Woakes (CRI), Bestatter (VRR)
Manager of the Year: Grey Holden (ARC)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Leichhardt                 46  24  17   5  56  31  +25  89
  2 Brookford Otters           46  25  12   9  89  52  +37  87
  3 Chatswood                  46  26   9  11  66  30  +36  87
  4 Goodfeather FC             46  25   8  13  92  60  +32  83
  5 Mantlegrove                46  22  11  13  67  51  +16  77
  6 Corvette Maulers           46  22  10  14  68  57  +11  76
  7 North Sabrefell            46  22   8  16  61  51  +10  74
  8 Raven River                46  21  10  15  77  63  +14  73
  9 Vermillion Wanderers       46  20  11  15  60  45  +15  71
 10 Barossia United            46  19  11  16  57  45  +12  68
 11 Cypher Town                46  18  13  15  53  51   +2  67
 12 Cranequin Wanderers        46  17  15  14  53  43  +10  66
 13 AFC Serpentine             46  17   9  20  61  70   -9  60
 14 Armstrong                  46  15  14  17  51  52   -1  59
 15 Corinthians No Longer      46  14  15  17  53  61   -8  57
 16 Chardonnay Rangers         46  15  11  20  60  66   -6  56
 17 Greygate                   46  15   7  24  62  76  -14  52
 18 AFC Rochford               46  10  19  17  45  54   -9  49
 19 Alliance Barossia          46  13   7  26  41  79  -38  46
 20 Gonen's Bridge             46  11  12  23  45  71  -26  45
 21 Bishop                     46  10  14  22  54  78  -24  44
 22 The Strongest              46  11  11  24  53  88  -35  44
 23 Aries Solitaire            46   9  15  22  54  79  -25  42
 24 Pillars of Southfell       46   9  15  22  44  69  -25  42

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Bastet North (STR) - 35
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Linoan Waters (BRO)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Kaisa Gyldenstroem (NSF)
Team of the Year: Williams (CHT); Markus (CHT), Cooke (BAU), Saunders (LEI), Cicak (BRO); Waters (BRO), Hagaz (LEI), Mizumaru (GDF), Cashin (BRO); Crowe (RVR), North (GDF)
Manager of the Year: Diandra Ballard (LEI)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            46  31   5  10  73  41  +32  98
  2 Morningstar               46  28  10   8  93  42  +51  94
  3 Locksley                  46  27  10   9  88  54  +34  91
  4 Hackett                   46  26  10  10  67  39  +28  88
  5 Peregrine                 46  26   8  12  93  52  +41  86
  6 Boltcroft Thorns          46  21  14  11  71  51  +20  77
  7 Crisisbless Athletic      46  22   9  15  69  53  +16  75
  8 West Brinemouth           46  20  13  13  58  42  +16  73
  9 Falston United            46  18  14  14  51  55   -4  68
 10 Dartmouth Terriers        46  17  13  16  52  46   +6  64
 11 Ritter Town               46  17  11  18  68  56  +12  62
 12 Autumnstone               46  17   7  22  74  70   +4  58
 13 Gosmouth Swans            46  16  10  20  50  64  -14  58
 14 Sheridan                  46  13  16  17  36  41   -5  55
 15 Ballardine FC             46  14  13  19  47  63  -16  55
 16 Riverkey                  46  13  14  19  41  49   -8  53
 17 Ingram Township           46  15   8  23  41  59  -18  53
 18 Mapleford                 46  14  10  22  46  73  -27  52
 19 Extreme Hills             46  14   9  23  59  88  -29  51
 20 Stonegrave                46  11  14  21  38  51  -13  47
 21 The Hanged Man            46  10  15  21  35  51  -16  45
 22 Rochford Pilgrims         46  11  10  25  49  90  -41  43
 23 Kensey Town               46  10  11  25  48  84  -36  41
 24 Lazuli Diamonds           46  10   8  28  53  86  -33  38

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Sandro Quintal (MOS) - 32
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Louise Tsolakis (CRC)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Leshi Bell (LCK)
Team of the Year: Matthews (CRC); Parkes (LCK), Lockett (HCK), Anneaux (WBR), Rodrigues (CRC); Chaseling (MOS), Mundine (FAU), Tsolakis (CRC), Haskell (BCT); Quintal (MOS), Carrick (PER)
Manager of the Year: Alaric Jansen (FAU)

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Lockheed Zenith              46  31   8   7  108  54  +54  101
  2 New Oakstone Phoenix         46  30   9   7  117  54  +63   99
  3 Southriver                   46  26   9  11   71  40  +31   87
  4 Kommissar                    46  25  12   9   72  44  +28   87
  5 East Laithland Harriers      46  24  10  12   84  58  +26   82
  6 Brokenarch                   46  24  10  12   77  53  +24   82
  7 AFC Shale                    46  23  11  12   61  34  +27   80
  8 Brindleton                   46  22  13  11   63  40  +23   79
  9 Crossroads Town              46  18  12  16   83  75   +8   66
 10 Caldwick Strand              46  17  13  16   71  76   -5   64
 11 Cranequin Souths             46  18   8  20   71  85  -14   62
 12 Martella Jazz                46  17  10  19   75  81   -6   61
 13 Lindmark Falcons             46  16  11  19   62  73  -11   59
 14 Strephonage                  46  16  10  20   51  63  -12   58
 15 Corvistone City              46  14  15  17   42  53  -11   57
 16 Hartford Glade               46  16   6  24   63  67   -4   54
 17 Northside Eagles             46  13  10  23   61  85  -24   49
 18 Constance Park               46  11  15  20   41  63  -22   48
 19 Riverkey Shells              46  12  11  23   66  89  -23   47
 20 Coret Rovers                 46  12  11  23   54  79  -25   47
 21 Crownsend Journey            46  11   9  26   64  84  -20   42
 22 Sirencall FC                 46  10  12  24   51  89  -38   42
 23 Ringway                      46  10  11  25   39  77  -38   41
 24 West Hook                    46   6  14  26   46  77  -31   32

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Creed Rosebud           38  27   9   2  97  32  +65  90
  2 Sutcroft                38  23   7   8  73  31  +42  76
  3 Lindwurm Delta          38  21   5  12  75  52  +23  68
  4 FC Seierstad            38  19  10   9  73  45  +28  67
  5 Downsparrow             38  20   7  11  77  50  +27  67
  6 Iberia Chenoworth       38  21   4  13  89  67  +22  67
  7 Chenoworth Teutons      38  19   4  15  51  43   +8  61
  8 Besand's Folly          38  16  11  11  59  47  +12  59
  9 AFC Hoxenhaven          38  17   8  13  53  48   +5  59
 10 Fischer                 38  16   6  16  57  57   +0  54
 11 Grey Egress             38  15   5  18  51  68  -17  50
 12 Grovebank               38  11  13  14  42  48   -6  46
 13 Moxstone Fortune        38  12   9  17  45  65  -20  45
 14 Aspen Grove             38  10  12  16  36  46  -10  42
 15 Courser                 38  10  12  16  42  61  -19  42
 16 Rushe United            38  10   8  20  52  75  -23  38
 17 Iron United             38  10   6  22  35  72  -37  36
 18 AFC Feuerweiss          38   8  10  20  43  78  -35  34
 19 Boleyn Town             38   9   5  24  29  50  -21  32
 20 AFC Hellerine           38   8   5  25  38  82  -44  29
Promoted: Coleman Ridge

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Latin Enclave FC          38  24   8   6  91  33  +58  80
  2 Shimmering Quay           38  20  11   7  67  38  +29  71
  3 South Parrhesia           38  22   4  12  81  59  +22  70
  4 Long Lake                 38  20  10   8  53  31  +22  70
  5 Brookford Vantablack      38  19  11   8  69  50  +19  68
  6 The Travellers FC         38  17   9  12  58  47  +11  60
  7 Rookwall                  38  16  10  12  63  49  +14  58
  8 Fully Sick XI             38  15  13  10  54  49   +5  58
  9 Brunyard FC               38  17   5  16  60  56   +4  56
 10 Longwinter                38  16   7  15  51  50   +1  55
 11 Twelvetrees               38  15  10  13  52  53   -1  55
 12 Ox River United           38  13  14  11  36  32   +4  53
 13 Mueller's Crossing        38  12  14  12  42  44   -2  50
 14 Rosary Brinemouth         38  15   5  18  55  63   -8  50
 15 AFC Southsands            38  12  10  16  49  68  -19  46
 16 Barhara Cavaliers         38  10  13  15  59  63   -4  43
 17 Sharpe Mill               38   7   9  22  44  81  -37  30
 18 Advance Lazuli            38   7   9  22  46  89  -43  30
 19 Bodkin Road               38   5   8  25  32  68  -36  23
 20 AFC Burchess              38   5   6  27  35  74  -39  21
Promoted: Rhyburn Swifts

by **Nephara** » Mon Mar 08, 2021 8:29 pm

by **Nephara** » Tue Mar 09, 2021 4:22 pm

by **Nephara** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 5:08 pm

First Division Preview

Second Division

1. Chardonnay Rangers
Colours Teal and white
Nickname the Rangers
Manager Esther Mallory (53)
Key Players Rufus Holland (GK, 25), Jhoira Kambol (RB, 24, SRS), Remus Antrim (CB, 32), Orion Pryor (CB, 25), Barth Guzman (CB, 23), Perparim Vestager (LB, 26), Miroslav Lodge (RM, 26), Alessa Bernat (CM, 30), Hans Kattis (CM, 24), Anders Wallcroft (CM, 22), Andreas Lindwurm (LM, 27), Justice Pearce (ST, 32, EFL), Cynthia Rayne (ST, 29, DOG)
Summary The standout favourites; the Rangers still look like a 1Div side and would've been nowhere near the drop under regular circumstances. Most of their best remain at the club, and playes like Antrim, Bernat, Lindwurm and Rayne are just leagues above 2Div standard.

2. AFC Rochford
Colours Blue and black
Nickname the Owls
Manager Henna Morgan (45)
Key Players Cordrut Malanta (GK, 26, SRS), Cheney Auburn (RB, 34), Baldwyn Evans (RB, 24), Baral Mailar (CB, 30, SRS), Viktor Raleigh (CB, 25), Jenni Radic (LB, 23, SCT), Diana Kaskanis (RM, 29), Franziska Corren (CM, 32), Scylla Perish (CM, 24), Ares Finnan (CM, 22), Marita Crozier (LM, 24), Grey Meisler (ST, 33), Lasse Scharnberg (ST, 32), Nyna Kane (ST, 23)
Summary Rochford, as a club, just can't seem to catch a break. Henna Morgan comes in with an excellent record from Sherries thus far; you can't reasonably count a relegation last season as a demerit. She'll inherit a side with a combination of defensive grit and genuinely promising youth that is a mixture she's used to. Former Athletic forward Grey Meisler looks a deeply intriguing signing up front.

3. Corinthians No Longer
Colours Black and yellow
Nickname CNL
Manager Anders Barrett (52)
Key Players Gareth Hartmuth (GK, 35), Adrian Feruga (RB, 27), Sumeria Commons (RB, 20), Daniel Axweald (CB, 34), Garrick Fraser (CB, 32), Lazarus Pepper (CB, 31), Timoth Mariner (DM, 27), Clovis Klein (CM, 27), Xavier Barron (CM, 25), Erinys Hart (RW, 32), Anibal Troche (ST, 27, TEQ), Drea Bouman (LW, 25, CYI)
Summary Stacked on paper, but so are so many of these teams. The fact is, we don't really know what the level of the current division is. Former Crisisbless goalkeeper Gerhard Hartmuth is a shrewd acquisition, while Troche and Bouman should provide the goals. It's impossible not to see them as among the favourites.

4. Peregrine
Colours Green and white
Nickname the Falconers
Manager Jess Hearn (48)
Key Players Artemis Tsipras (GK, 25), Brindle Taukroger (RB, 32), Providence Mensah (CB, 34), Avram Beyard (CB, 33), Audrey Curran (CB, 21), Avis Montagne (LB, 28, CMT), Loftus Fitford (CM, 26), Kirsten Howlett (RW, 32), Memphis Commons (AM, 27, CYI), Felix Luthier (LW, 24), Sylvia Janik (ST, 34, GLX), Dauntless Carrick (ST, 22)
Summary The Falconers look the strongest of the eight incumbent 2Div sides. Carrick notched a tally of 28 goals last season and look to be going from strength to strength, scoring seven in pre-season against some hapless state league team, while international Commons and top-flight veteran Howlett slip seamlessly into the attacking midfield, though the departure of Roberts will sting. Still, for the first time in her managerial career Jess Hearn appears to be enjoying herself.

5. Greygate
Colours Grey and red
Nickname the Wardens
Manager Hecubah Statkis (42)
Key Players Erin Naylor (GK, 33), Marcela Harnik (RB, 26), Andrey Mincham (CB, 32), Andrea Mavrias (CB, 25), Faye Ruprecht (LB, 26), Gareth Temple (CM, 34), Sara Brett (CM, 24), Merric Cooper (RW, 26), Bryce Leicester (AM, 29), Jadzia Starmer (LW, 27), Meredith Lincoln (ST, 26)
Summary Surprisingly good last season, but not good enough. They're becoming something of a yo-yo side. While they retain a solid spine, a major concern, after the retirement of Klaus Petriak and departure of Brandon Mkrtchyan is the striking position. Meredith Lincoln arrives from relegated Hills to take the 9, but does she have what it takes?

6. Locksley
Colours Burgundy and white
Nickname the Brewers
Manager Ulrich Esperance (49)
Key Players Jade Chorus (GK, 29), Dorian Webster (GK, 20), Anyta Parkes (RB, 30), Alexis Tymon (CB, 27), Karla Laslow (LB, 33), Johanna Rosen (RM, 31), Kosta Nisiotis (CM, 31), Reno Stubbs (CM, 27), Leshi Bell (LM, 21), Carver Heaton (ST, 31), Petra Rubesch (ST, 25)
Summary Only just got denied promotion, a porous defence costing them compared to their more resolute peers; no side in the top eight conceded more. They've taken the interesting tack of, uh, not really reinforcing it. Does Karla Laslow count? Should she? Bell is one of the most impressive young players in the division, and provided the lean-and-large strikeforce of Rubesch and Heaton with cross after cross.

7. Gonen's Bridge
Colours White and red
Nickname the Warriors
Manager Snowy Brennan (52)
Key Players November Reiner (GK, 27), Gareth Unworth (RB, 32), Iskar Serket (CB, 34, ISK), Soren Clement (CB, 26), Undine Heisserer (LB, 34), Mia Gruether (RM, 25), Lucia Strickland (CM, 30), Page Resch (CM, 21), Lars Bedesman (CM, 20), Matze Connell (LM, 27), Marnus Sutton (ST, 26)
Summary Keeping faith in Snowy Brennan, Bridge were happy with the fact that they'd have stayed up in a regular season. A direct, brutalist side with a relentless verticality, they won 2Div a couple seasons back. Suffice to say that is not on the cards this time, though Page Resch is a promising up-and-comer who Zenith sides might have half an eye on.

8. Alliance Barossia
Colours Green and white
Nickname Alliance
Manager Rachael Schroeder (49)
Key Players Kari Vidmar (GK, 26), Dimitri Rashad (RB, 28, ISK), Tuco Durrig (CB, 30, SRS), Gregor Strober (CB, 26), Rodi Lancaster (LB, 27), Olga Kitzbichler (CM, 34), Aldous Moore (CM, 32), Catheline Blissett (LM, 27), Portia Taani (ST, 38, MRN), Matthew Chance (ST, 30)
Summary Alliance had the dubious honour of the worst goal difference in the second tier last season, so it's little surprise to see them in the third. Signs in preseason are that an aging squad will be built around their top-flight and international veteran Taani up front, while Durrig and Strober form an intimidating defensive partnership.

9. Aries Solitaire
Colours White and black
Nickname Solitaire
Manager Katrina Wheelhouse (48)
Key Players Janneke Chaeffer (GK, 33), Franzi Brill (RB, 31), Karel Montag (CB, 22), Drachma Karagounis (LB, 33), Karl Prowse (RM, 25), Sofia Tatra (CM, 34), Gisela Feistle (CM, 25), Renate March (CM, 20), Marcin Faehrmann (LM, 34), Keshet Brenner (LM, 25), Jacinth Coen (ST, 28), Claire Mordhau (ST, 26), Karena Gothel (ST, 20)
Summary Rooted to the bottom of the table for most of the season, though they ultimately escaped the wooden spoon by the ultimate tiebreaker, 'goals scored'. Understandably under such circumstances, star winger Keshet Brenner actively sought an exit but was unable to find one. Look to this as a transition season, with young guns such as March and Gothel beginning to take over.

10. Bishop
Colours Black and white
Nickname the Bishops
Manager Mixu Durran (56)
Key Players Frey Strom (GK, 34, AUD), Patrice Garrick (RB, 27), Hector Reiss (CB, 34), Parallel Scowsmith (CB, 25), Klaus Marvell (CB, 19), Toni Bliss (CM, 31), Feodor Linz (CM, 27), Faiza Huyton (RW, 31, EFL), Fortuna Irlinger (AM, 25), Cassi Burbank (AM, 20), Simone Cheney (ST, 33)
Summary Keeping the faith with Mixu Durran, the Bishops look a remote shot to go straight back up. While there is quality within the side, their wingers Leskosek and Zender both defected to Zenith sides. That's a mark of their quality, and of what an otherwise fairly poor Bishop side is losing. Simone Cheney should still be a lethal marksman at this level, though; can Huyton supply her the bullets?

11. The Strongest
Colours Burgundy and white
Nickname the Strongest
Manager Ole Oehman (49, COS)
Key Players Elaine Verlinden (GK, 26), Marius Sanwald (RB, 26), Lene Wiseman (CB, 33), Namara Beresford (CB, 25), Aloysian March (LB, 24), Gervase Ascham (DM, 24), Hans Korchnoi (CM, 28), Cheney Masters (CM, 24), Tulaska Sunstroem (RW, 28, COS), Tamika Porter (LW, 29)
Summary Predictably, the Strongest crashed and burned and had a pretty good time doing it. The loss of Kylene Rotariu will hurt them, but there were too many goals in the side to ever be attributed to one player. Masters and Sunstroem will be lethal given that little bit more space, and the overworked Verlinden should thrive given a bit more of a platform to distribute the ball. Promotion looks a long shot, though - they're too incomplete.

12. Pillars of Southfell
Colours Purple and Black
Nickname the Seekers
Manager Kay Meriweather (49)
Key Players Mariam Brookhouse (GK, 34), Johan Flowers (RB, 25), Pearce Hennessey (CB, 26), Helena Schmidt (CB, 25, CMT), Libena Freischutz (LB, 25), Parma Tollett (CM, 27), Rutger Shand (CM, 26), Van Aspenwood (RW, 24), Francine Cohen (AM, 24), Hana Yorke (ST, 24)
Summary After an agonising season spent being scraped across the bottom of the second tier, there's been something of a clearout for the Seekers. The result is a surprisingly young and refreshing squad, one with scope to grow together but vanishingly little immediate hope of promotion.

13. Dartmouth Terriers
Colours Sky and navy
Nickname the Terriers
Manager Rainer Hildebrandt (53)
Key Players Erhard Klein (GK, 31), Florian Latrobe (RB, 28), Dominik Ciernik (CB, 32, NOV), Ruth Paraffin (LB, 27), Coretta Mauk (RM, 30), Fiona Shrewsbury (CM, 34), Sasha Pfaelzisch (CM, 23), Gabriel Prosper (ST, 34)
Summary Barely avoiding the drop, which is actually a hugely impressive achievement under the circumstances. The Terriers boast a solid enough defence, in which Ciernik is a true gem at this level, but going forward they're almost embarassingly reliant on the playmaker Shrewsbury, who notched 17 assists last season.

14. Crisisbless Athletic
Colours Navy and white
Manager Lysander Pierson (48)
Key Players Rasmus Garrick (GK, 29, CYI), Ayn Zwayer (RB, 33), Andre Oenning (RB, 24), Crispin Galloway (CB, 34), Jancis Hearn (CB, 31), Sabien Rhodes (LB, 31), July Valente (DM, 31, IRN), Kimon Heidelberg (CM, 33), Amethyst Miller (LW, 28), Dionysius Lyritzis (ST, 34)
Summary A creaking Athletic stayed up with relative ease, but another year will not be kind. Amethyst Miller, at 28 the baby of the squad, will need to be in imperious form to keep Athletic out of trouble.

15. New Oakstone Phoenix
Colours Red and black
Nickname the Phoenix
Manager Valery Cain (48)
Key Players Sander Costly (RB, 21), Orane Warner (RM, 25), Sigrid Xenophon (CM, 32), Rachel Xenophon (ST, 34)
Summary The Xenophon sisters are back in the pyramid, and Costly's been brought in on loan. But the real intrigue will be seeing how a young, brilliant side cobbled together from the off-cuts of top academies or the state leagues' best can cope at this level, and whether Valery Cain can refurbish her tarnished image.

16. West Brinemouth
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Gulls
Manager Marko Gaston (50)
Key Players Ingrid Moore (GK, 27), Tristan Brand (RB, 34), Niadra Anneaux (CB, 28, CMT), Denisa Wilhelm (LB, 26), Laegjarn Martyn (CM, 34), Ida Lancer (AM, 21), Ferran Guegan (ST, 34, AUD), Haroun Maynard (ST, 32)
Summary Surprisingly, the Gulls stayed up with the power of a handful of figures that almost singlehandedly un-debunked the Great Men theory of history. Moore, Anneaux, Lancer and Maynard gave the squad a rock-solid spine and plenty of goal threat, and they've somehow managed to keep them all. Everyone else is either old or terrible.

17. Boltcroft Thorns
Colours Green and black
Nickname the Thorns
Manager Miron Campbell (55)
Key Players Morgana Carlisle (GK, 27), Belaskita Skalak (RB, 35), Diane Hateley (LB, 34), Constance Jameson (CM, 26), Anders Haskell (LM, 29), Sigrid Blaxland (ST, 27)
Summary Even though the squad at times resembled nothing more than an elaborate mechanism to deliver the ball to Sigrid Blaxland, her goals fired the Thorns to comfortable safety. The intriguing combination of two top-tier veteran fullbacks with a combined age of 69 will be worth watching; Skalak, on the right, is one of the clearest and most commanding captains in the division.

18. Hackett
Colours Red and white
Nickname the Merry Boys
Manager Ersan Barton (47)
Key Players Kearney Smith (RB, 30), Roderick Munoz (CB, 34, ETN), Myriam Lockett (CB, 25, CMT), Connor Wettin (LB, 29), Arran Grey (CM, 33), Nikola Stavros (RW, 26), Radja Martelbach (ST, 30)
Summary Hackett's golden generation gave it one last go and came very close to a stunning promotion, but a swathe of retirements and releases followed and now Kearney fucking Smith qualifies as an exciting signing. It's hard to see where the goals will come from, with Martelbach intelligent and hard-working but not exactly prolific.

19. Lockheed Zenith
Colours Green and white
Nickname the Raptors
Manager Sakis Galanis (47)
Key Players Carmilla Bowen (CB, 27), Robyn Nestor (CB, 25), David Maskin (LB, 33), Janus Burchard (RM, 26), Cantra Duprey (ST, 35)
Summary The evergreen Cantra Duprey is still around, and still has what it takes; 48 league goals is a record in the Nepharan pyramid, as she was just way too good for 3Div. Zenith are about as good as a 3Div side ever gets, but the question is, is that good enough in a dramatically more concentrated 2Div?

20. Falston United
Colours White and black
Nickname the Eels
Manager Alaric Jansen (51)
Key Players Leoni Joyce (GK, 22, CYI), Ilary Townes (RB, 32), Robyn Cormack (CB, 28), Casper Slate (LB, 27), Raphael Passlach (CM, 34), Kat Mundine (CM, 24, CYI), Magda Hill (ST, 29), Cedric Willas (ST, 27), Garrett Stijnen (LW, 32)
Summary Few expected the Eels to stay up, but Alaric Jensen's charges defied all expectations. Despite the absence of a clear goalscorer - Magda Hill's 10 topped the charts - a proficient and intelligent counter-press was able to keep the trouble out the other end of the pitch, and the hope is that a young, impressionable squad will be able to replicate it.

by **Nephara** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 7:16 pm

Perhaps there’s something in the air. Or, perhaps, the public have finally taken the Ramsey Shield to heart; in any case, Brinemouth against Southfell sells out the Phoenix Rise for the first time in the competition’s history. There is a readiness, it seems, for football to be back, as the Premiership’s last ever champions open the scoring when Lukas Tauscher blitzes past Pascal Ritter and then thumps a deft strike into the top corner, never breaking his stride for a goal at warp-speed. Southfell sit back and weather the storm for the rest of the first half, never laying a glove up front, but the plan almost works… almost. Another shot from Tauscher, this deflecting heavily off Stankovic to leave Gavaris twisting in the wind.

Southfell found some spirit in the second half, attacking Brinemouth’s line with vigour. Only a spectacular save from Heuser prevents Roanna Murin opening her account on debut with her carefully placed downward header - Murin did everything right, but somehow Heuser got a boot into the bottom corner. But there was nothing Heuser could do when Brinemouth’s press collapsed for just a moment, Murin racing free on goal before unselfishly playing Petrarch Corbay a sideways pass for him to thump home. 2-1 with 20 minutes to play, so it was especially cruel when the Tanners conceded just two minutes later, a lightning counterattack culminating in rue Cazade lacing a strike just inside Gavaris’ near post to seal the deal for the Dockers.

Anticipation is high. The Zenith kicks off with good early signs; bumper crowds, great ratings, and some seismic early results. Not to get ahead of ourselves, of course. Brinemouth fans pack out the Eagles Club, flush off victory in the Ramsey Shield and still displaying the Premiership trophy. Better still, Iron City are here and ripe for the slaughter in what is tritely and immediately dubbed the Elaine Ashdown Derby. Rue Cazade’s the first to put the ball in the net, no surprises there, but the cheers turn to smoke in the fans’ mouths when the linesman flags - Jackson was clearly offside at the time of the decisive pass. Barely three minutes later, Snowpoint thumps in a free kick from absolutely nowhere that glides over everyone but the satyr Brimorii, who outmuscles Steele to glance the ball home. Brinemouth panic, Kasmiir has possession cut out by Snowpoint, who feeds Liu, who tests Heuser sharply to force another corner… and then drives that corner in for Visser to nudge home at the near post. Brinemouth have a half of football to turn it around, and get halfway there, but a fearless save diving in at Jackson’s feet allows Olexander to seal the points in injury time.

Crisisbless also endure an early stumble. But at least Brinemouth dominated their game, on paper; the Gargoyles look the better team against the disjointed Heelers, walking the ball into the net twice, and only a moment of absolute individual brilliance from Spijkers - twisting past four men before chipping Tristram from outside the box - lights up the drab Crisisbless display. If Leichhardt are hoping for a similar underdog story, they’re in for disappointment. The Chariots show no complacency, only ruthlessness, their young, spry midfield duo overcoming Leichhardt’s ancient one, Purna Zazagan racking up three assists in a 5-0 demolition that sees Leichhardt defender Natalia Dreider eventually sent off on debut for two cautions. Treason go for Athletic with a vibrance in attack that was missing last season, Rosenblatt with a goal and assist on league debut, while Starling fight back from a goal down three times to draw with the Moths, the last leveller scored by ten men after Roebling saw red for a spiteful flick at Zuniga.

While some of the influx from the Premiership strut their stuff on the first day, others stumble. Lienke Vesper, under fire for Harriers’ disappointingly limp relegation, cuts a furtive figure as her Harriers dominate the ball but only get one shot on target against Mantlegrove, and they’re lucky it slips underneath Kolaghan, a clinical finish from substitute Coffey. It’s enough for a point, at least; more than the Rovers get, looking practically primitive against Goodfeather’s slick passing game, with Howard notching a brace on debut. Creed batter North Sabrefell 3-1, though, having a better time of things, while a slick, strikerless Crisisbless United ease past Corvette to silence their sceptics, while in the Canal derby between River and Diamondqueen, the men in white ease to victory through first-half strikes from Rusnak and Kinbois.

The Moths might not be easy on the fan’s heart, but they’re certainly easy on the neutral’s eye this season. While Joey Sinton is yet to fully gel with the intense pace of the back line - he plays well overall today, but slips up to give Southfell their only goal, caught out for Kuzener to run by and slot low past Markgraf - well… it doesn’t matter. Lyzolda Petrov is back in her old stomping ground and in absolutely no mood to take prisoners, kept initially quiet in the first half - though a couple of shots force sharp low saves from Gavaris - but she comes alive after the interval, hitting a low grass-cutter sweetly into the bottom corner from outside the box, one of those fuck-you unsavable shots from nowhere. She couldn’t resist a little fist-pump there, or after two deft finishes punched in from inside the box to secure her hat-trick in a dominant 6-1 win.

Crisisbless’ wait for a point goes on. They were hit by more than their share of injuries in pre-season, but even then, a midfield of Abylon and Marchant should have exhibited some control over Vermillion. But then, the Rage mostly just bypass the midfield entirely, brave attacks down the wings culminating in both fullbacks getting on the scoresheet, as well as the rather more traditional method of Bestatter heading home Mrdja’s near-post cross. Leichhardt get a much-anticipated first point of the season following a nervy draw with Parrhesia, riding their luck many times as the Saints twice hit the post and Laczko excels in goal. Morgan Rosenblatt continues to hit the ground running with a goal and an assist against Newrook, while Liu Huiying spends an hour and a half as Iron City’s ray of sunshine in a dismal match against the Chariots before diving spectacularly to win a penalty that Snowpoint converts to earn a scarcely-deserved point.

People are already crying for Lienke Vesper’s head, after the disappointments of last season. The Harriers are keeping patience with a young manager who has shown much promise and enjoyed success in Qusmo, but nights like tonight make that hard at times, the Harriers leading 3-1 by the hour and still losing as Alyssa Greening scores a brace off the bench. Goodfeather have scored four goals this season, another two flying past Lazareva in a hard-earned draw with Crisisbless United; all four have been scored by Dashaun Howard.

Crisisbless need a break, but instead they’re getting Starling, the closest thing they have to a derby at the moment. They get a boost before the game as Nzo is finally fit to make his league debut, and immediately the Banija international proves his worth. Just 64 seconds have passed when he sizes up the angles, spots the gap in the Passerines’ line and slots a diagonal ball into it; Spijkers races onto the end of it, rounds Smordal and drives home the opener. Starling never really recover. Smordal saves a rather slack penalty from Germain that could have killed them off leading into the interval, but it doesn’t shake the Passerines awake, only gets the Heelers more determined to kill them off. Bowman and Marinkovic duly do so, stabbing home close-range finishes.

That might be the pick of the matches for significance, but it can’t match what happens in east Sabrefell for spectacle. No, not the derby - it’s actually something of a muted, grinding affair, Athletic seemingly reasoning that they need to stop the Moths in their tracks moreso than playing their own game, Adalheid Metzelder predictably calling it a ‘moral victory’ as they share the spoils - but the manic 7-2 demolition at the Scythes. The Chariots score first and go into the second half just 3-2 down after Parrhesia score every shot on target they muster, but Malkorra and Kevaarsen are already on the cautions they’ll turn into red cards in the second half. Shorn of two key players by the hour mark, the Chariots totally lose their shape and get cut to ribbons by the end. The Rovers and Stargazers pick up wins in what already seem like six-pointers, whie the Hawks continue their strong start with a late win over Vermillion.

Flying Delaclava international Dashaun Howard again puts Goodfeather in front, slipping entrancingly between Islinger and Barkaan before lashing a strike high past Hartigan, and when Mason is sent off for a harsh red Creed look in desperate trouble. But Goran Verbeck’s men find a way back; Kovac earns, then scores a penalty. Kurz rifles home Goodfeather’s first non-Howard goal of the season from outside the box before a spectacular double save from Hartigan stops the Quakers going out of sight, and that’s important when a missed tackle from Leo Emmerich lets Kovac drive in on goal before unselfishly sliding across for Driver to smash home the leveller. Mantlegrove complete a run of having drawn all three of their matches 1-1, a moment of magic from Lazarou cancelling out a workmanlike header from Chatswood striker Ruscoe, while a Barossia United side that aren’t usually known for being prolific batter four goals past Cypher, Rotariu with a brace but more importantly showcasing her excellent hold-up play to let Killmorgen and Ciman in on the fun.

Lick your lips and rub your thighs. Four matches in and already it’s time for the Classic. Both sides in good form but not flawless, and there’s a little raggedness in the opening half, both sides pressing hard and extracting mistakes from the other, neither side ever quite getting the right final ball through. But in the second half, the trident clicks. Suddenly, every white and red shirt seems to have two open options, short, efficient passing dizzying the Dockers; Brinemouth in essence get Brinemouthed. It’s almost reassuring when the first goal just comes off a corner lumped in by Rosenblatt and headed powerfully past Heuser by centre-half Sale, but Kendra Considine rifles home a decisive finish in injury time to kill off the game.

The Moths are back at it again. Bryger Kellard, playing in a holding midfield role, runs the gamut of slotting an own goal past Markgraf from Constantine’s cross, scoring at the other end with a strike his father Michael would be proud of, and then getting sent off for a brutal challenge on Zumalakarregi, who is subsequently pivotal in ensuring the Rooks turn their man advantage into an equaliser. 3-3, again. Aries go from conceding seven to conceding… none, a clean sheet on league debut for Annabelle Press, though Grey Holden insists she’s just there for a match to give reigning goalkeeper of the year Senninger a chance to recover. The Chariots make short work of the Rovers in the end, Starling score twice in the last ten minutes to steal a point aganist Coret, while South Laithland bury Iron 3-0.

Some sides absolutely catch fire tonight. Crisisbless United’s strikerless system works perfectly against Stahlburg Rovers, Arland Hawes’ charges unable to deal with a fluid attack that seems to come from everywhere at once. Kresp-Cinic is stretchered off with whiplash after 79 minutes, an aging centre-half with no way to cope with whatever United are doing, and not even pulling off striker Huang for midfielder Rookworth can put a stop to the bloodletting in a 6-0 rout. The Harriers’ slow start to the season comes to a sudden and violent end at the expense of Armstrong, Donato Girardi running the show in a 4-0 demolition, while both Vermillion Wanderers and the Maulers come alive at the others’ expense. The Maulers notch four past Esther Press, and that still represents a stellar performance from the Wanderers’ goalkeeper. Emilien Marisnick in Corvette’s goal on the other hand gets the jitters, beaten at his near post by Wharton for the second before passing straight to Fowler, who obligingly levels the scores for Vermillion shortly before Maier strokes home number five to win it.

Both Vermillion sides have been involved in their share of entertaining fixtures, so the derby is naturally high on most peoples’ list to check out. Both sides play attractive, open brands of football… and neither is averse to getting stuck in, especially on derby day. Predictably, the fans in orange are lively in reminding those in green about the, uh, disparity in their recent successes, and that only makes those in green happier when lazy-eyed goddess Celustka flicks a ball cynically into Schrader’s hand to draw a barely-fair penalty, then chips Hartnett. Still, scarcely four minutes later Vermillion are ahead, new guy Remsza’s cross dragged into the net by Bestatter’s heel, before a thunderbolt from Mrdja crashes against the crossbar on the edge of half-time only to be bundled in by the opportunistic Bestatter regardless. But Parrhesia aren’t choking it away tonight. The Rage are so eager to kill off the game that Veluca Austen can scythe them in two by quickly catching a poor Remsza cross and quickly hurling it down the exposed left, where jet-heeled substitute Isolde Reader becomes a local hero by eschewing her passing options and simply racing past Anderson, rounding Hartnett and driving the ball into the empty net.

Surprisingly few transfers go from the A-League to the Zenith, so sometimes you can forget the disparity in class between the two. Well, Corvistone letback Camilla Auskas knows intimately about the step up now - in pace, intensity and skill. One of the A-League’s classiest fullbacks she might have been, but a replacement for Lucy Almwood? That will take work. She’s far from the only reason Corvistone lose to the Moths, of course, but being skinned repeatedly by Belgrade probably doesn’t help as the Crows get absolutely thumped, 5-0. Belfast suddenly races up the standings in the betting on the first axe of the season. Daniel Archer was at the head of those standings at the start of the season but his Hawks have yet to lose a match, a result which stays when super-substitutes Alyce Nicolau and Monika Rourke turn the game late against Southfell. Ursula Gavaris’ form between the posts has been… questionable thus far, but Murin had the chances to bury the Hawks regardless, another player not finding it easy going in the top tier. Treason eventually manage to put Iron down, while Crisisbless edge out Athletic thanks to a spectacular bicycle kick from Spijkers… bouncing off the post and getting nudged home by Germain’s shins.

Cranequin City manager Corinne Mersiades appears to be running into an issue early in the season; Valerie Webber is utterly cooked. The midfield trio of Tsolakis, Monroe and Amelia help earn the Terracotta Army most of the possession against Chatswood, but none of them have the creativity to supply Justina Donau. Even on an off-day, by contrast, the Woodsmen can rely on crossing from the wings to find a target in the hulking Kanerva Herron, who scores once herself before knocking down another for Remeikis to drive home. The Chequers, fresh off romping against the Rovers, visit Armstrong, freshly romped. The result is, perhaps, predictable, another 4-0 defeat for the Paladins as Ava Donaldson’s Midas touch in front of goal continues. North Sabrefell recover from a catastrophic own goal in the 6th minute, Levack panicking at the threat of Crowe and dealing with it by, uh, thumping a top-corner finish past an incredulous Rena Perch. That they do so owes much to wingers Gyldenstroem and Whiteside, who take the fight to the opposition and notch up two assists apiece in a 5-2 comeback over River. Who else?

In the restructured NFA Cup, the first round is now solely fought between the two expanded Conferences. Due to the general shift, they’re now full-time leagues, though at the very low ebb of them; many players retain alternative sources of employment, or study. The general shunting down of professional-tier talent means the leagues look higher-quality than ever, and there’s a few decent highlights, best of all Mueller’s Crossing’s third in a shock win over Lindmark that busts the net open with its impact. Still, for the most part, these sides exist to be knocked down in later rounds.

Back in the day, Stahlburg City and Iron City had something approaching a rivalry. Barossia’s largest and, well, once second-largest (since eclipsed by Covenant) cities going head to head. But with Iron’s fall and the Smiths’ subsequent heated rivalry with Treason, it fell somewhat by the wayside. Perhaps that will end after tonight. Certainly, both sides come ready for it, and psychopathic bruiser Kresimir Brujah makes his first start of the campaign in Stahlburg’s midfield. It risks backfire when he elbows Silke Gutenberg in the face after just seven minutes, jostling for a high ball, but he gets away with it. But it sets the tone, and Gutenberg’s eager to get even, but the winger takes the high road to do so, jinking inside and outside and through two men before supplying Zender, ghosting in at the far side, to tap home Iron’s first. Gutenberg gets another assist for Iron’s second, albeit her cross is too high - Liu ends up having to control it with her throat, but nobody closes her down and she lashes a vicious volley past Rosmarin. The Smiths fight back in the second half but by then Iron are just hunkering down completely, and only one chance opens up. Bowman gives away a late, exhausted penalty, raking Delfour’s calves with his studs, and the winger chips Olexander to give the home fans something to smile about. Not enough, though, as Iron take home the points.

The Moths host Brinemouth and predictably people expect fireworks. In the end, however, the star of the show is the former Moth Tawny Shone, who knows all her old crew’s tricks, and spoils relentlessly to stop them building any momentum in the midfield. At one point she even throws herself under the feet of Shiida Roesler, which is rather like throwing oneself under a galloping horse, just to bring her down. She gets a boot in the ribs and a yellow card, but it does stop an attack. The Moths still score first through a Zuniga header, but three second-half goals give the Dockers a deserved win. Leigh Fletcher’s Southrons play a very chaotic and un-Fletcher-like 5-4 defeat to the Chariots, but have reason to be pleased with the attacking midfielder Brind and, rolling back the years, deputising striker Matthias Bergander who earns a brace. Southfell clean Leichhardt’s clock to the tune of a 3-0 win inspired by Forestier, while Vermillion batter Belgrave 4-1 despite an injury to Bestatter in the warmup that sees Mrdja move to the striker role and chalk up a brace. Still, injuries are already piling up for the Rage.

A momentous matchweek, arguably least so for a Cranequin derby that ends in predictable fashion, the Wanderers easing to a 2-0 victory. A Cypher side anticipated to struggle this season manage to throw off the shackles at one end and contain Goodfe-- and contain Dashaun Howard at the other, Anna Rochester making amends for an error last round that cost the game against Cypher with spectacular, brave sweeping to deny the Quakers today. Lothar, Carels and Antelmi all score in the second half to make it 3-0, the same score as North Sabrefell beat a sickly-looking Mantlegrove - Gyldenstroem is again the star, and plainly growing above this level. Chatswood against the Harriers is anticipated to be a top of the table clash on paper even in this unpredictable season, and it’s a test the Harriers pass, overcoming brutal tackling, a partisan crowd and an indifferent referee, not to mention Libuda saving a penalty from Bischoff. Exarchopolous rattles in a spectacular strike from outside the box that arcs beyond a diving Williams; this feels a momentous narrow victory, and Vesper’s delighted.

Another often overlooked derby - and not one that’s ever really died down - is the northeast derby between Coret and Newrook. Yes, places people think of as fairly mild-mannered and, dare it be said, largely irrelevant, but as they’ve together failed to do much of anything in the league the derby has taken on greater and greater significance. How a neutral regards the first half depends on whether or not you are a basketball fan. If you are a basketball fan, you would appreciate the back-and-forth, hectic nature of the game, end-to-end stuff leading into a 2-2 scoreline at the break. If you are not a basketball fan, it seemed rather like basketball, and the second half may have been more palatable - a more patient, probing affair lit up by occasional moments of individual brilliance. While Coret on balance have more of them, it’s Dassi Constantine’s that makes the difference, quickly switching positions with Storrev over the course of a deft one-two before rifling a shot hard on goal, palmed down by Coleman but only as far as Storrev, who hammers home the winner.

Chirstoforos Lazelis has looked impressive up front for North Laithland… in terms of making good, intelligent runs and seeming up to the pace athletically. But the Vdara international was yet to get on the scoresheet, to the point of being dropped against Brinemouth. Still, when Luke Roberts achieves nothing in the opening 56 minutes, Lazelis gets another chance to shine in a scoreless game. With his first touch, he takes a rolling pass from Marrable past Kasmiir; with his second, he lashes a lightly curving strike beyond Heuser. With his third, some minutes later, a diving header puts the Spiders 2-0 up, and suddenly his doubters are quiet; Brinemouth pull one back through former 65-million man Bryger Tidesson, not a bad option off the bench, but can’t get back in the points. Parrhesia cold-cock Southfell 4-0 as Elsebeth Celustka continues to be in the form of her life in the free role, while Aries Chariots edge out injury-stricken Vermillion in a match between last season’s IFCF CL bolters, Shaheen Taleb making the difference with a goal and an assist.

Barossia take Cranequin City by the throat and slam them into the floor in a 3-0 away win. There’d actually been cause for concern prior to the game, with the Shrikes’ goalkeeper Ran contracting food poisoning, leaving mentor figure Culak-Pilta to step up between the sticks. They make zero saves. Crisis averted, while Rotariu up front gets the opportunity to work in tandem with Ulrike Jensen as they lay waste to the Terracotta Army together, a clever switch to Route One that City have no answer to. Armstrong keep up their worrying habit of losing without scoring, this time to a Creed side whose effortless killer edge makes them look a Zenith side already, while people start to realise Dashaun Howard hasn’t actually scored since netting Goodfeather’s first five goals of the campaign, and has a profligate day at the office as River win 3-1. A confidence player, perhaps… ?

Crisisbless and Brinemouth are two of the league’s titans in its current era, and it’s anyone’s game going into it. With a bit more composure from Quintero, Crisisbless could be 1-0 up within five minutes; instead, they’re 2-0 down within thirty. First, a botched play at the back, Teffeteller to Chamoun to Bajnok to ???, winds up seeing Jackson sweep away with the ball before sweeping a pass across for Tauscher to hammer home, before Tauscher wins a free kick just outside the box that Farago rue Cazade flicks into the top corner with a little help from Teffeteller’s shoulder. Crisisbless briefly power back, Woakes and Quintero forcing sharp saves from Heuser while a last-ditch tackle from Marcin Close stops the lively Quintero, deputising for the injured Spijkers, from offering Germain a tap-in. But first-half injury time sees, of all things, a long throw from Spencer butchered by Teffeteller, with Jackson taking clinical advantage of the airswing to kill off the game.

To maximise one’s enjoyment - if one did not particularly value competitiveness - one might then switch to the second half of Sabrefell Athletic’s 3-0 win over Parrhesia in which all the goals happened. Elsebeth Celustka played like a daemon for 40 minutes of the first half, but none of her teammates were on the same level… and then she planted her feet awkwardly and limped off the pitch. Benezet lead the decisive fightback for the Rams. For three goals in each half, one would have to look for Corvistone absolutely battering Coret Hawks - there’s even a Nicolau consolation mixed in for good measure. Bobby Malone races out of Rosenblatt’s shadow to score both goals against the Chariots, and a 97th-minute winner from Starling substitute Riaz dashes Vermillion’s hopes of a valuable away point.

Creed make the long trip to Brookford, the furthest west club to the east coast, but their fans are to be disappointed. The Oathmen are solid and sturdy in the first half, but unproductive when it comes to chances; a couple fall to the feet of Scott Burgess, who forces two sharp saves from Damir Wright, but that’s it. In the second half, however, things get turned upside down. A slack pass from the back from Barkaan goes straight to Spinnett, who immediately sets up the winger Aspropotamidis to open her account for the Otters. Unlocked by confidence, Aspropotamidis goes on a tear down the right and sets up Morwen to make it 2-0 almost immediately, before a thumping header from Jewel meets Kielseng’s long diagonal cross to make it 3 and kill off Creed in style, three goals in 12 minutes. The newly-promoted sides both find narrow wins in Sabrefell, their first of the season, the Harriers thump Barossia United 5-1 and Mantlegrove expose Goodfeather’s glass jaw through a late Madrid brace to draw 3-3.

Treason against Stahlburg City is a match that tells you a lot about the people watching. It’s not known for exhilarating play, rather for physicality and genuine setthing hatred. Out comes Brujah again, round pegs for round holes, except Treason don’t meet the Smiths on their terms. Instead, they play a brisk passing game and the Smiths are caught out, Rossum’s pleas from the touchline to maintain a fucking shape going unnoticed. Brujah is terrible, and a very physical box-to-box player might just be past it, but even the reliable players don’t show up. Phoenix misses a sitter, Rosmarin’s beaten at his near post and Baste scores an own goal to make it 4-0 at the death, a lazy flick of the boot taking a Considine cross past Rosmarin. A one-sided match that leaves a lot of thinking to do.

Parrhesia talisman Celustka’s fit enough for the bench against Newrook, and Emeka Obasi - today in a flamingo-pink suit trimmed in mother-of-pearl - decides to risk her introduction with fifteen minutes to spare and the Rooks 4-2 up. Celustka looks decidedly off the pace in open play, but still drops a free kick perfectly onto Vuurmeier’s massive five-head; nevertheless, a point is out of reach, though Kurtishi hits a post. Spiders striker Lazelis nets a hat-trick against the Rovers, home to his compatriot Giannakos; Lazelis has now scored five goals over the entire season, but never just one at a time. It’s a 6-2 thumping in the end, and the Moths’ 5-1 evisceration of a 10-man South Laithland (it’s no excuse, Jurman’s second caution was in the 86th minute at 4-1 down) adds to a day of stompings. Vermillion’s poor form continues with defeat to Southfell, while the Hawks stun Brinemouth 3-1.

Stahlburg against River is expected to be a wide-open contest between attacks in hot form, so perhaps it’s predictable that both Laurnegarray and Carver walk away with clean sheets. At least former Southfell midfielder Roxi Pryce impresses for River, looking every bit a Zenith-quality player. A contentious penalty is earned in Chatswood by, of all people, a centre-half. Amidst the scrum following a corner to nowhere, Eliza Stoeva grapples with Imhoff before deciding to fold like a house of cards when he gets a bit rough, and the referee blows immediately. Grahn’s penalty is poor, beaten down and away by Williams, but Savojar rightback Netrayev gets to the rebound first and drives home his first goal for the club. Creed score three goals in 12 minutes just as Brookford had against them to come back against Vermillion, while Azrael Whyte earns Cypher the points against the Chequers with a spectacular overhead kick.

Roanna Murin nets twice in quick succession in the first half to help the Tanners ease to victory, but the intensity eases off in the second half. Ribar sniff blood when young South Newlandian striker Otto Marsden presses an error from Stankovic and takes a snap-shot too close to Spyrakis, but the warning isn’t heeded, and Marsden glances a late header into the bottom corner to keep Ribar’s foot in the door.

Treason have looked indomitable thus far, and visiting the Moths holds no fear for them. How will the Moths’ attacking, open style cope with the unstoppable trident of Malone / Rosenblatt / Considine? Well, Considine’s injured, but her replacement McInnes lays on the assist for Mueller to slot home the opener. Now the Moths have to open themselves up. What they need is a cheap error. What they get is Vincent Robshaw having a brain fade and rolling a pass straight to the feet of Lyzolda Petrov, who seizes the moment, plays a deft one-two with Belgrade and slots low underneath the ancient figure of Clavel. The Moths’ momentum carries into the second half, and Nasir Majerle comes off the bench to set up Belgrade, shifted to the left wing, to slot home the winner. They’re indebted to Markgraf between the posts, but the result takes them to 3rd. Treason remain top, but Aries Chariots close the distance after thumping Stahlburg City 3-0. Starling edge out Southfell to remain in the top four, while Athletic, Crisisbless and Brinemouth round out a reasonably conventional top seven.

Stahlburg City’s defeat and a victory for Parrhesia over Corvistone means that there’s somehow already a five-point gap between 14th and 15th, and City are not on the happy side of that equation. Also struggling for goals, rather more predictably, are Iron, Chenoworth and, in the playoff place after being put down easily by Brinemouth, Leichhardt. Belgrave remain floundering in second-last after being dominated by a Newrook side brimming with confidence. The Laithland derby is not the most intense of matches - Laithlanders are nothing if not parochial, and the two sides fundamentally hate the rest of Nephara far more than each other - and perhaps that suits the Southrons, whose defence has been abysmal this season. An injury crisis in defence, and the dramatic erosion of form of Constantine Jurman, has not helped; a late equaliser from Nisarizo secures a lucky point. Just their fifth of the season, and the Southrons have plenty to do as pressure intensifies on Leigh Fletcher.

The Harriers’ streak of seven successive wins comes to a halt against Corvette, a trip to the Vale turning ugly when Seidler’s brutish sliding challenge on Daescher is met with the stricken midfielder raking Seidler’s face with her studs. Both are sent off, both midfields reshuffled with the scores 2-2, and it’s the Maulers who evidently react better when a goalmouth scramble is nudged home by Julia Roberts. Creed can’t take full advantage, held by Cypher, nor can a high-flying Cranequin Wanderers, held by lowly Armstrong. Nevertheless they round out the promotion places, with Crisisbless United surging to fourth after a late winner over River slipped home by recognised striker Riverina Bray. Chatswood aren’t too far off the pace, but while they have the best defence in the league are yet to score at the rate of a goal a game. Still, a 1-0 win in Barossia through a Vishca strike is welcome.

Mantlegrove lift themselves out of trouble in spectacular fashion. Stahlburg Rovers come to the party disjointed and unprepared and get absolutely butchered. It doesn’t help that Vanna Pearce gets played through one-on-one only to shoot straight at Kolaghan, but the Rovers seemingly never recover. Mantlegrove, by contrast, knock a corner straight into the net - Lazarou, seriously? - before another set piece is headed home by centre-half Everton, before Cash and Londe get the job done in open play in the second half, 4-0 the final score. Barossia, despite some eye-catching results early in the season, hover a place out of trouble, while Armstrong remain in the playoff place. Newly-promoted sides Morningstar and Cranequin still wait on their second wins of the season.

Laureline Forestier dances past three men before slotting home a ninth-minute goal that effectively kills off the tie, though Ribar acquit themselves well from that point. Matthias Slade scores his first goal for the Tanners in the 92nd minute to win on the day, and the Tanners ease through.

The First, Second and Third Divisions join the party. Some of the Conference sides make creditable fists of it; Hoxenhaven take Crisisbless Athletic into extra time and even score in the 96th minute but from there simply run out of legs and are tragically beaten by a late penalty, while Mueller’s Crossing beat Bridge on penalties. Others are less fortunate, such as a Ringway side beaten to hell in an 8-1 demolition by an Aries Solitaire side eager to strut their stuff, 20-year old Karena Gothel scoring four, while Locksley put seven unanswered goals past Crownsend Journey. Among the thrashings is Northside Eagles slaughtering Barhara Cavaliers 6-0, star striker Lesley Innes notching a sharp hat-trick. This is notable mostly because the Eagles are a Conference side. Chenoworth Harriers are unceremoniously dumped out following a dogged defensive display from Stahlburg Rovers, a fairly luckless draw under the circumstances, while a Crossroads Town side struggling to so much as survive in the Conference amidst financial implosion finally bring a smile to their fans’ faces by pulling off the scalp of the week, beating River on penalties.

ZENITH

Pos Team                    P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason            10  8  1  1  22   7  +15  25
  2 Aries Chariots         10  7  1  2  26  16  +10  22
  3 Sabrefell Moths        10  6  3  1  32  15  +17  21
  4 Starling               10  6  2  2  17  15   +2  20
  5 Sabrefell Athletic     10  6  1  3  16   9   +7  19
  6 Crisisbless            10  6  1  3  16  11   +5  19
  7 Brinemouth             10  6  0  4  18  11   +7  18
  8 Newrook City           10  5  2  3  19  17   +2  17
  9 Coret Hawks            10  5  2  3  19  19   +0  17
 10 Southfell United       10  5  1  4  15  18   -3  16
 11 AFC Corvistone         10  4  3  3  16  13   +3  15
 12 Vermillion Rage        10  4  1  5  18  14   +4  13
 13 North Laithland        10  4  1  5  14  12   +2  13
 14 Parrhesia United       10  3  3  4  23  19   +4  12
 15 Stahlburg City         10  2  1  7   7  17  -10   7
 16 Iron City              10  2  1  7   6  18  -12   7
 17 Chenoworth Rovers      10  2  1  7   9  22  -13   7
 18 Leichhardt             10  2  1  7   6  22  -16   7
 19 Belgrave               10  2  0  8  11  24  -13   6
 20 South Laithland        10  1  2  7  15  26  -11   5

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers      10  7  1  2  23   9  +14  22
  2 Creed United             10  5  4  1  19  13   +6  19
  3 Cranequin Wanderers      10  6  1  3  10   7   +3  19
  4 Crisisbless United       10  5  3  2  23  10  +13  18
  5 Corvette Maulers         10  6  0  4  17  20   -3  18
  6 Brookford Otters         10  4  4  2  16  11   +5  16
  7 Chatswood                10  5  1  4   9   6   +3  16
  8 AFC Serpentine           10  5  1  4  18  17   +1  16
  9 Diamondqueen             10  4  3  3  13  11   +2  15
 10 Cypher Town              10  4  3  3  11   9   +2  15
 11 Raven River              10  4  1  5  13  15   -2  13
 12 Goodfeather FC           10  3  3  4  17  19   -2  12
 13 Vermillion Wanderers     10  3  3  4  14  16   -2  12
 14 North Sabrefell          10  4  0  6  12  15   -3  12
 15 Stahlburg Rovers         10  3  3  4  13  20   -7  12
 16 Mantlegrove              10  2  5  3  12  12   +0  11
 17 Barossia United          10  3  2  5  15  17   -2  11
 18 Armstrong                10  2  3  5  10  19   -9   9
 19 Morningstar              10  1  3  6  10  18   -8   6
 20 Cranequin City           10  1  2  7   3  14  -11   5

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corinthians No Longer     10  9  1  0  25   5  +20  28
  2 Peregrine                 10  7  2  1  21   7  +14  23
  3 AFC Rochford              10  6  4  0  23  10  +13  22
  4 Chardonnay Rangers        10  6  2  2  20  11   +9  20
  5 Alliance Barossia         10  6  1  3  18  15   +3  19
  6 West Brinemouth           10  5  2  3  17  14   +3  17
  7 Falston United            10  5  2  3  13  11   +2  17
  8 Locksley                  10  5  1  4  14  11   +3  16
  9 Gonen's Bridge            10  4  3  3  21  15   +6  15
 10 Bishop                    10  4  1  5  10  12   -2  13
 11 Crisisbless Athletic      10  4  1  5  14  18   -4  13
 12 The Strongest             10  4  1  5  18  25   -7  13
 13 Boltcroft Thorns          10  3  3  4  14  17   -3  12
 14 Greygate                  10  3  3  4   9  13   -4  12
 15 New Oakstone Phoenix      10  1  6  3  13  14   -1   9
 16 Dartmouth Terriers        10  3  0  7  16  23   -7   9
 17 Hackett                   10  2  3  5  12  20   -8   9
 18 Aries Solitaire           10  2  2  6  10  14   -4   8
 19 Pillars of Southfell      10  1  2  7   7  17  -10   5
 20 Lockheed Zenith           10  0  0 10   6  29  -23   0

by **Nephara** » Fri Mar 19, 2021 3:01 am

Chenoworth Rovers and Coret Hawks are polar opposites. Chenoworth, southwest; Coret, northeast. The Rovers are solid, stolid, reliable and built on hard work and graft, the model of manager Daniel Kunde. The Hawks are mercurial, unpredictable, capable of beating or losing to anyone. When they face off, the Hawks get to a perfect start. Pressing high, winger Bandler forces Jelena Aravit to cough up the ball, it falls well for Kizza Okafor to test his luck from 30 yards and, oh, my, that’s the top corner. An absolute ripper from the Hawks talisman, and off the back of it, the Hawks pepper Dundalk’s net, but the Brenecian winger stands tall. It lasts all of twelve minutes before the Rovers’ first proper chance is senselessly handballed by Satara Brand. Custworth sends Coleman the wrong way and, uh, the Hawks completely implode, Custworth gets his second off a Kamasz header, Counsell drives through a tepid defence to make it 3-1 on the stroke of half-time before Sloan comes off the bench to make it four late on. By the end, anyone remembering the part where Coret dominated must be starting to question their memory.

Treason stagger to a second straight loss, and North Laithland are only too delighted to hand it to them. Foley and Fletcher traded early blows before Mueller, hitherto unimpeachable for her new club, lapses discipline for the first time, a high boot lancing through Nicola Brindell’s knee. Brindell’s stretchered off, and will be gone for a couple of months; Mueller takes a red card, and shows the Stags how much they need her by the way they fold in her absence. The unlikely figure of Sander Moritz, a defensive midfielder by trade coming on for Brindell, shows karma is real with a heavily deflected goal on the edge of half-time, before a Lazelis tap-in marks the first time he’s scored precisely once in a game for the Spiders, while also killing off their rivals. Mueller’s former club, parrhesia, enjoy a chaotic 3-3 draw with Brinemouth in which Elsebeth Celustka is brilliant enough to earn plaudits from opposite number rue Cazade, Daniel Dostalok’s hat-trick gives Starling victory over the Rams and Southfell come from behind to beat Aries with two late goals from substitutes Murin and Nagy.

The bottom two play each other, and the crowd goes mild. It’s actually not a bad game, considering. City stroke the ball around confidently, but the jitters set in right around Stars’ box, and crunching tackles from the likes of Coridan Ryder help discourage them. Stars goalkeeper Catra Paderborn keeps them in the game in the dying moments of the first half, Tsolakis with a surely unsavable thunderbolt into the top corner that Paderborn somehow tips over. Unfortunately, her failure to come out for a cross gives City the lead in the 52nd minute through a Paara header, but that just galvanises Stars. Sandro Quintal comes off the bench and sweeps home a low cross with only his third touch of the match, and Kitti Jadeane tries her luck from range - Matthews tips it onto the crossbar, but Strong follows up to drive home the winner. Crisisbless United absolutely kill Mantlegrove 5-1, with both holding midfielders getting on the scoresheet through piledrivers well outside the box, while Armstrong pick up a more than welcome win, out-Route 1ing Vermillion Wanderers in a 2-0 win.

Brinemouth against RGS is simply a ridiculous first-round CdC match, so stacked for so early. Unsurprisingly, it takes top billing of the round, and Seung-Yoon Kim ends up the star of the show. Tauscher, rue Cazade and Burkhard all at various points put the Dockers on top, but the Quebecois lashes one back every time.

The Chariots make the short jaunt west to face the Moths, and Grey Holden makes telling remarks about having drilled defensively in anticipation of the league’s most free-flowing attack. Before the game, fans are even disappointed to see Taleb, probably their best player this season, given a rest for the first time all season in favour of another midfield grinder in Ivana Tokich. But it just goes to show one thing: always trust Grey Holden. The Moths don’t help themselves, heavy touches and ragged passes all day, but they’re still swallowed by the Chariots’ hard-grafting midfield. It takes a while for the goals to fly in, Coleman and Zazagan coming close, before a botched clearance from Brabanzon skims favourably for Coleman, sliding in, to hook past Markgraf. From there in the 55th minute it’s the usual story; the Moths stretch for a goal that never comes, the Chariots break them over and over again, three goals in the last ten minutes giving the scoreline a generous but deserved gloss.

South Laithland manager Leigh Fletcher rolls the dice, a questionable move that costs a result. They’ve had unusually poor defence this season, but nobody’s blamed Donovan Velazquez between the posts; the Ethane international’s had a couple of ricks but probably earned them points on the whole. Nevertheless, the Ethane international gets dropped for the visit to Coret, and Nadine Cirjak gets the nod. While Cirjak is an impressive 23-year old who probably will find a #1 jersey in the Zenith someday, Monika Rourke beats her at her near post to deny the Southrons a much-needed win. Belgrave do a respectable job of meeting Brinemouth at their own game, getting 48% of the ball away from home, and only two basic defensive errors - ruthlessly punished - allow Brinemouth to take the win. Stahlburg City come from behind to beat North Laithland 2-1, each side scoring and missing a penalty, Severine Reed cropping up with the only goal in open play, while Crisisbless and Treason collide to a drably ‘tactical’ scoreless draw.

Morningstar go from strength to strength, a decisive defensive showing and excellent work from Paderborn shutting down the Harriers. They only get 29% possession on home soil, sure, but Preston flicks in a cross, Strong knocks it down, Stokes finishes and that’s all they need. Cranequin City also get in the points, Justina Donau with a second-half brace to peg Stahlburg Rovers back, and Mantlegrove do not join the party, getting buried 3-0 by a Creed side that never need to leave second gear. Brookford absolutely butcher Raven River, and it’s justly deserved. The Ferrymen just don’t look good, to the point where Michi Leonard, in a moment of panic, claims food poisoning was involved. The claim is debunked within two days but, honestly, they played poorly enough in the 4-0 defeat it sounded plausible. Aspropotamidis on the Otters’ right flank is going from strength to strength, but Cashin on the left remains the star.

No such luck for RGS at the second time of asking. This time, Brinemouth produce arguably their performance of the season, a conclusive hammering, dominant all across the pitch in the backyard of one of the region’s strongest sides. Left winger Abigail Stancil finally gets her first goal of the season, the 23-year old winger standing in ably for the injured Deventer, and a brace from Jackson in the second half finishes the job.

Nobody’s watching South Laithland against Leichhardt for the thrill of it. Laith and Vale don’t get on, the two regions traditionally competing against one another for the label of ‘worst hick hellhole’, but the divide is best summarised by the expression that Laithlanders average nine fingers, Valesiders eleven. Leichhardt arrive in high spirits, fresh off beating two relegation rivals 1-0, and they’ll need every point they can get, but it’s South Laithland who score first and early, Talia Nisarizo dispossessing Uche, sparking a passing move, rushing forward to finish it and having her heels clipped by Saunders. Initially, Aron Riise’s penalty is beaten away by Laczko, but the referee deems him to have leapt enthusiasticaly from his line ahead of cue. Riise sends him the wrong way at the second attempt, and sends a bullet header between the keeper’s feet just before the interval to give the Southrons a much-needed boost. Still, Stargazers manager Diandra Ballard is philosophical: ‘we needed four or five points from that stretch of games, we got six.’

The Chariots can’t make it two for two against the ‘big’ Sabrefell sides - a distinction their fans resent, with some justice given recent sporting form - despite scoring first with a crisp low strike from the restored Taleb, who clearly enjoyed his rare rest. But the better-disciplined Rams don’t fold where the Moths did, quickly hitting back as Benezet heads across goal for Tomlinson to head home, before a slide-rule pass lets Tomlinson return the favour for Benezet to make it 2-1 before the break. A brace from Katsura kills off the Chariots, though Sierra comes off the bench to stroke home a consolation. Belgrave thump Iron City with four first-half goals, the stolid Iron defence simply having no way to deal with the Gargoyles’ fluidity and technical skill, and the signing of Kikumi Kondou increasingly looks like a masterstroke. Vermillion Rage angle to hit Brinemouth on the break, but the Dockers simply never open up; Farago rue Cazade does his thing, gliding through three defenders like they aren’t even there before setting up Tidesson for a tap-in, but only a flying save from Heuser stops Syrene Fleetwood sticking a late free kick into the postage stamp.

Three wins on the spin for Morningstar, and this the most spectacular yet. Playing with an unprecedented confidence and verve, Kitti Jadeane leads them to glory against a Diamondqueen side that fade under their relentless pressing and physicality. Valeria Hammond is an unlikely first goalscorer, a cross that happens to sneak in over Szarbach, but there’s nothing fortunate about Stokes’ clinical brace in the second half to make it 3-0. Kaisa Gyldenstroem scores the goal of the season thus far, racing back to rip the ball from the feet of Kieron Serduchka and wheeling around him, sprinting past him, past Dirac, past Beckerman, past Bader, before spotting Ran off her line and curling a strike over her head, into the underside of the bar and in, from just the edge of the centre circle. The rest of the game is terrible, but who’s counting?

Newrook City have been in sharp form throughout the season, dispelling any thoughts people might have had about them being mired at the wrong end of the condensed table. About to host Sabrefell Athletic, manager and former Moth Penrooke quite literally rubs his hands with glee. “I have a stratagem in place,” he announced proudly. Oh, how the tables turn. Penrooke’s stratagem appears to be to press forward and put pressure as high up the pitch as possible, but all this does is invite long balls over the top that their fast, intelligent strike partnership just eat up. Hat-tricks for both Tomlinson and Benezet, and another match ball has to be produced in the aftermath of a devastating 8-0 victory.

It’s the best Daniel Kunde could have hoped for, two hours after his own squad were absolutely taken to the cleaners in a 7-0 defeat to Belgrave. Rook Garai is suspended, teenage stand-in Dawn Bishop is booked for an accumulation of fouls in the 19th minute and picks up her second for a spiteful flick at Ness just three minutes later, and Andrea Vithoulkas also picks up a brace of yellows - the decisive one for dissent, of all things. Tarran Seamster draws three assists from a rare start. Starling outplay Brinemouth but get undone by Heuser’s form between the sticks and, at the 87th minute, a heartbreaking defensive error that saw Christian Berg - who doesn’t do this sort of thing! - turn away from Jackson only to pass to Deventer, who passed… to Jackson, for the goal. Crisisbless edge out the Moths in a game that’s far more exciting than a 1-0 implies, while a moment of soft hands from Acatha Feldman betrays the Crows, Kuzener firing home a rebound off Forestier’s strike when the Corvistone ‘keeper flaps the ball to her feet to snatch an away win for Southfell.

The Harriers’ goal supply has tried up a little lately, but against the free-flowing strikerless attack of Crisisbless United, it’s time for the defence to stand up and be counted. Ava Rose Donaldson has been the X-Factor for the Chequers, but Carroll, still a Premiership-quality defender at 34, is just always standing in the right place at the right time to deny her. Shots fly in from the wings, but Claire Libuda is at times at full stretch to deny them. Late in the game, with the Chequers ragged, Dario Raskin cuts out a poor pass from Broon and immediately starts an attack sharply down the right, where veteran substitute Roxana Coffey plays a deft one-two with Makai before going for goal. Lazareva desprately parries the ball away, but Coffey can get on the rebound and poke it home for the game’s only goal. Morningstar’s run comes to an end against Chatswood, scoring first but Kanerva Herron proves too much to handle, while Cranequin City take an unlikely point from the visit of Creed United, both goalkeepers saving a penalty, but Fyona Matthews ultimately culpable for Creed’s equaliser by failing to come out to meet a Szuban cross easily nodded home by Coleman.

Group B                                                      	JSt	EnC	Bri	Sch
1  Jungle Strike FC     	VIL   6  4  1  1  13   6   7  13  	- 	1-1	3-0	2-1
2  Energija Chernovets  	STL   6  3  2  1  10   6   4  11 	3-2 	- 	1-2	2-0  
3  Brinemouth           	NPH   6  1  3  2   6   9  -3   6 	1-2	1-1 	- 	2-2 
4  Schemerdrecht SVV    	KOR   6  0  2  4   3  11  -8   2 	0-3	0-2	0-0 	-

Group G                                                      	Ari	Ist	Roz	Dir
1  Aries Chariots       	NPH   6  2  3  1   6   4   2   9 *	- 	0-0	2-1	2-0
2  Istria City FC       	BNJ   6  2  3  1   7   4   3   9 *   1-1 	- 	1-1	1-0  
3  Rozelle              	BRE   6  2  2  2   7   6   1   8 	1-0	2-0 	- 	2-2  
4  Directus             	EUR   6  1  2  3   4  10  -6   5 	1-1	0-4	1-0 	-
* Tie broken by head to head goals scored away from home

Another year, another disappointing set of performances in the Champions league groups. Aries acquit themselves well; dogged home wins over Rozelle and Directus are enough to take them top of a hotly-contested group, but Brinemouth fail to win a game at home and slide out to the Challengers Cup. While this is an upgrade on the unimaginably awful past couple of seasons, it doesn’t appear that reducing fixture congestion has lead to the massive uptick in fortunes people hoped for. The Chariots, as fate will have it, have the opportunity to avenge Brinemouth next round, though the Dockers actually got four of their six points against Energija. However, failure to kill off Schemerdrecht, who were beaten home and away by both other clubs, cost them.

   Group A                      Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts     SFM    PIX    BOB    AVL
1  Sabrefell Moths          NPH   6  3  1  2  10   7   3  10      -     1-0    2-2    0-1
2  Pitxi-Pitxi 77           TEQ   6  3  0  3  11  10   1   9     0-3     -     1-2    4-1
3  Bassabook Old Boys       ZWZ   6  2  2  2  12  11   1   8     1-2    2-4     -     2-2
4  Avenida Leal             FFD   6  2  1  3   8  13  -5   7     3-2    1-2    0-3     -

   Group G                      Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts     OLM    CRS    KTI    VLC
1  Olympic                  MYT   6  5  0  1  17  10   7  15      -     4-2    4-3    1-0
2  Crisisbless              NPH   6  3  0  3  10  10   0   9     3-1     -     2-1    0-1
3  KT Itzalovalle           AUD   6  2  0  4   7  12  -5   6 *   0-4    0-1     -     2-1
4  VLC FC                   EFL   6  2  0  4   7   9  -2   6 *   2-3    3-2    0-1     -
*  Tie broken by head to head results

   Group L                      Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts     NCL    TRE    RCA    LGR
1  Nacional                 VLD   6  4  0  2  11   7   4  12      -     1-2    1-0    2-1
2  AFC Treason              NPH   6  3  1  2   7  10  -3  10     2-1     -     1-3    1-0
3  Royal Canterlot HC       EQS   6  2  2  2   8   8   0   8     1-3    0-0     -     3-3
4  Langmere Green Rovers FC FVA   6  1  1  4  10  11  -1   4     1-3    5-1    0-1     -

In the Challengers Cup, Zenith clubs actually remember to play like Nepharim. All three progress on three wins, the Moths doing impressively to take on something of a group of death, Crisisbless outshone by Olympic but managing to survive Itzi, while Treason recover from a stunning 5-1 defeat in Langmere to take second with home-and-away wins over table-topping Nacional.

   Group D                    	P  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	KkC	BfO	DMc	KtA
1  Kabakono City        	BNJ   6  5  1  0  17   5  12  16  	- 	5-0	2-1	0-0
2  Brookford Otters     	NPH   6  3  1  2   7   9  -2  10 	1-2 	- 	2-1	2-0  
3  Deportivo Maracaibo  	WRL   6  1  1  4   6  11  -5   4 *   0-3	1-1 	- 	1-2
4  Kingstown Athletic   	KSK   6  1  1  4   6  11  -5   4 *   3-5	0-1	1-2 	-
*Tie broken by goals scored away from home

   Group F                    	P  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	Lht	Umb	Ddg	DdC
1  Leichhardt           	NPH   6  4  1  1  13   8   5  13  	- 	2-2	3-2	2-3
2  Umbar                	CMT   6  2  2  2   5   6  -1   8 	0-1 	- 	0-2	2-1  
3  Daedonggang 3.26     	QUE   6  2  1  3   7   9  -2   7 	0-3	0-1 	- 	1-1
4  Didari City          	PFA   6  1  2  3   7   9  -2   5 	1-2	0-0	1-2 	-

Brookford get hammered 5-0 by Kabakono but still get through the group, while Leichhardt, opening up a bit at home, don’t concede a single goal away and cruise through.

Almost halfway into the season, and it’s time for a rematch of the Ramsey Shield. The Tanners have recovered gracefully from a slightly ropey start, buoyed by the improved form of Roanna Murin, who reveals in an interview two days before the game that being dropped for a few games was exactly what she needed to not step into the Zenith and be ‘the guy’. The lift in confidence is clear, as she does… well, what she did to get attention from the top flight in the first place. She’s not a neo-Lyzolda Petrov. Petrov would’ve buried the first chance she got, which she slid wide, but wouldn’t have made the avant-garde run across the flank Murin made for her opening goal, finding a gap to exploit with a one-two before driving a strike between Heuser’s feet. It’s a wakeup call for Brinemouth, and from there it’s time for their other comeback kid, the goalkeeper Ursula Gavaris, to shine with some spectacular saves. They hold out, and in the 78th minute Murin draws a tired penalty from Spencer. Forestier drives it home, and though an injury-time header from Steele off a perfect rue Cazade corner makes the last couple minutes interesting - and Hensser is actually sent off for a professional foul in the dying seconds - the Tanners claim the points.

At least the Dockers aren’t alone in dropping points, as Parrhesia visit Treason, Ilia Mueller’s new stomping grounds. Mueller’s evidently eager to show everyone why she left the Saints, a dominant figure in the first half and sliding a clever pass between the lines for Rosenblatt to drive home the opener. It threatens for a time to get ugly, a scrambling double save from Austen keeping down the margins, but they recover their composure and hit Treason on the break just as they’re moving in for the kill, Sander Linn’s energy rewarded by a rare goal. Like in Southfell, a centre-half nets late from a corner; unlike in Southfell, it matters, Praline Saunders’ dogged defensive workrate burnished by the glamour of a goal. Athletic show a rare lack of composure to choke on a 2-0 halftime lead, Corvistone dragging themselves ahead leading into injury time before Katsura’s strike is palmed weakly back into danger by Feldman, Tomlinson gambling and flicking out a boot and rewarded with a leveller. Newrook recover from their mauling with a deserved, if nervy point in Aries, while South Laithland win a valuable six-pointer thanks to Belgrave’s inability to defend set pieces, goalkeeper Velazquez showing his worth to the Southrons with a number of vital saves.

A couple of shocks towards the top, in magnitude more than where the three points went. Chatswood beating Stahlburg Rovers is not a surprise. Chatswood pulverising them 6-0 is. The differences are technique, structure and, by the end, attitude; the Woodsmen initially pass rings around the Rovers and remain impervious to their own attacks. When the hefty Kanerva Herron is toppled for a penalty that makes it 3-0 in the 80th minute, Rovers’ shoulders slump and the floodgates cave in. Similarly, it isn’t outlandish that Diamondqueen beat Crisisbless United, but a comprehensive 3-0 victory with an underworked Szarbach between the posts is. Nevertheless, the Diamonds’ callow midfield absolutely swallow up the slender supply line to the Chequers’ front four, and yet again the goals fly in chiefly towards the end, when legs tire. At the top, a bloodless scoreless draw between Creed and the Harriers leaves both the league’s top sides with plenty of aces left up their sleeve, though Libuda came flying out to deny Kovac at the death; at the bottom, Mantlegrove and Morningstar pick up vital away wins, while Cranequin City are only denied an away point in Brookford by the canny Donau straying fractionally offside before being released.

Finally, the Zenith sides enter the show. Almost immediately, a couple of faerietale giant-killers are crushed, as Leichhardt hammer Mueller’s Crossing 8-0, Southfell cruise to a 7-1 win in Crossroads - hey, at least Town scored - and Morningstar shut down Northside 5-0 away. Of course everyone’s very nice abut it, shaking hands, complimenting… but on the pitch, no mercy, as expected. But Aspen Grove of the Conference West battle to a shock 2-1 win in Peregrine to stay in the game. 3Div Autumnstone underline their promotion credentials with a 5-1 hammering in Brookford, Xene Vourvoulias scoring a hat-trick from the right wing in a torrid showing from Otters leftback Hywel Wodework. Dartmouth Terriers take the fight to Treason and through a heavily deflected strike and a close-range header go 2-0 up within 15 minutes. The pressure gets to them; Treason score four before the half, but the Terriers rally to pull back a goal and almost, at the death, score a late corner with goalkeeper Erhard Klein coming up for the goalmouth scramble. But Vale takes the shot on the chest and clears to save the Stags’ blushes. Cranequin Wanderers aren’t going anywhere in the league, up or down, and Jerrell Drake boldly says his side need to go for the Cup. Vermillion Rage destroy them 7-1. The scalp of the round belongs to Brindleton, a lowly 3Div side struggling towards the foot of the table finding solace in Coret. Brindleton are only really known for Cup scalps - a particular bete noire of Sabrefell Athletic, for whatever reason - and a 2-0 win over the Hawks keeps that legend going. Belgrave, Corvistone and Brinemouth get dumped out by Zenith opposition.

Brinemouth remain title favourites according to the bookies, but Sabrefell Athletic are in imperious form, the 8-0 win over Newrook a symptom of their overall strength. The understanding of the strike partnership is key to that success, with Benezet loving a free-wheeling role to play off the more direct Tomlinson. Shut them down, goes the rhetoric, and you shut the Rams down. Yeah, like it’s that simple. Well, Dean Steele figures it out; rise for a header, plough your skull through Tomlinson’s face and there you go, his fellow Eura international crumples into a heap. Steele can’t be blamed - it was an honest attempt for the ball - but that doesn’t stop the fans jeering every touch, right up until rue Cazade silences them, spinning through two markers before cutting back inside Dominique again, before firing across the flat-footed Garamond. Still, it feels like something like karma when Benezet, presumably closing his eyes and pretending he sees his strike partner, curls a brilliant diagonal ball between the lines for Renira Schanzer to hammer home the equaliser.

Newrook implode again. It’s becoming increasingly apparent that Kaara Iarrow, though a fine shot-stopper, has lost any ability to rush off her line at her age, and when they open up that distance between ‘keeper and defence can be exploited. They held back against the Chariots, but open up again just in time to get slaughtered by the Crows. Isperia Marrish enjoys her best game since arrival at the club, placing clever passes perfectly into the gaps. No goals, but three assists in the 4-0 demolition. Or perhaps the issue was that the Chariots have lost a little of their swagger; they’re largely toothless against a Crisisbless side able to contain them, and while Fasolt Senninger has a great day between the posts there’s nothing he can do when Woakes engineers a tap-in for countryman Damion Bowman. Starling come from behind to bury the 10-man Rovers with a late flurry of goals, while Treason revert to older, more direct ways to conquer Belgrave when the possession game doesn’t work out on the night.

Arland Hawes becomes the first managerial casualty of the season. Rock bottom of the form table, winless in their last five, Stahlburg Rovers are absolutely soulless against Cranequin Wanderers and lose 2-0. Vanna Pearce and Jelena Romanov are alleged to have approached the board to sack Hawes; this does Pearce’s diva reputation no good, despite narrowly top-scoring for the side with six goals, and some fans who were ready to burn Hawes at the stake suddenly come out like they need to defend his reputation from the uppity Valeside striker. Diamondqueen shake things up at the top, teenage loanee Flora Brown imperious against Creed United. She stings Hartigan’s palms a couple times in the first half, to no avail; no matter, as she slips two deft forward passes between Creed’s lines to set up Kinbois and Malvick, and while Kovac does his best to make things interesting, an injury-time piledriver from Schmetzer kills the game. Struggling Morningstar and Barossia grind out a scoreless point, while teenage Cypher defender Chelsi Ponder gets away with a handball in the box, but only because she punched Serpentine winger Rhine’s cross directly into the net. It’s the only goal of the game. The post-match interview is cruel enough to turn on her; what happened? “I panicked.” Fair enough.

Roanna Murin’s perfect hat-trick - left, right and a glanced header in the second half - allow the Tanners to come from behind and secure victory in Darmen, recovering from leftback Ferry Brandt’s inexplicable brain-snap at the back that sees her pass straight to one of her hosts in the box, and react in the moment by falling over.

Coret Hawks have been stumbling of late, and the bus southwest to Crisisbless is precisely what they do not need. The Heelers are a slick side that dominate the midfield, playing with confidence, flair and pace, while the Hawks continue to struggle with the fact that their best player, Kizza Okafor, is at this stage a passenger off the ball. He scores today, he even scores first today, and does look liberated when Daniel Archer slots a double pivot behind him, Lexmann and Catheline Stensholt. Unfortunately, the way that Crisisbless demolish them shows fans why he hadn’t tried it before, Stensholt having turned 35 two weeks ago and, it seems, cooked at this level. With Bader injured, some guy from the academy gets a debut for the last five minutes, which is time enough for Moira Woakes to set up two goals for the final gloss on a 5-1 thrashing. This isn’t the squad Archer wanted, this isn’t the job he asked for, and the Hawks are floundering as the Heelers fly.

Treason lose a second time to visitors from Vermillion, well-beaten by the Rage. They don’t seem to have a plan on the surface, but of course it’s no coincidence that none of Treason’s bright, shiny three attacking midfielders are ever given a moment’s peace. It’s not a flawless plan - at one stage, the defence looks wide open and Considine simply walks through the parting sea to score - but it gets the job done, Mrdja and Bestatter thumping home confident finishes and Porter engineering a clumsy own goal from Bersant Sale. Roanna Murin, in such good form, limps off against Chenoworth Rovers after benig chopped down by Rook Garai; without her, Southfell’s momentum at 1-0 stalls, Dundalk doesn’t face a shot and Vithoulkas slots home a late leveller to prove there is no justice. Stahlburg City strike in the first minute of both first- and second-half injury time to edge out Belgrave, while North Laithland cleanly impale Leichhardt 3-0 without allowing a shot on target.

Vermillion Wanderers’ have been anything but consistent in Jakob Mortimer’s somewhat underwhelming time at the helm, but it’s results like this that keep him in the hot seat. The Harriers, visiting, dominate the early stretches. Coffey hits a post, while fellow old-timer Exarchopolous, slipped through by Girardi, is only foiled by a brilliant reflex stop with Esther Press’ legs. The onslaught only stops when a desperate diagonal from Maier is airswung at by Harriers leftback Kite, letting the Wanderers’ secret weapon Fowler slip inside and drive low under Libuda. Chenoworth are shaken, Vermillion confident and while the 89th-minute third from Keynes off the bench arguably over-glosses the scoreline, nobody can deny Vermillion are owed the win. Stahlburg Rovers recover in time for the brief away trip to Barossia, five changes to the squad and a hard-won 1-0 win, while this time it’s Mantlegrove’s turn to be denied by a late goal, a thunderbastard frmo Ashleigh Sweeney too hot for Kolaghan’s normally safe hands to handle.

Brandt makes up for her first-leg lapse by providing the delicate diagonal cross that Corbay taps home for the only goal of the game. Nathan Ellis finds time late on to pick up a completely pointless red card, but hey, nothing’s perfect, and the Tanners are easily through.

This has been a rare season. The best clubs, in large part (hi, Corvistone!) have been consistent, plenty of teams hovering around the two-points-per-game mark. The story within that hasn’t so much been the continued success of the Chariots, though arguably it ought to be - still, what more can you say about Grey Holden? - but the side under the auspices of yet another young, ambitious Schottian, Tim Maitfield’s Starling. The squad have held up under the scrutiny of rotation, and even the biggest and most swaggering egos have been kept in check, with one exception: why try and keep Daniel Dostalok in check? The evergreen Mercedini international almost casually sweeps two decisive finishes into the box in the first half-hour against AFC Treason, and has mastered the art of increasing output by doing less. But the home crowd at the Gauntlet doesn’t lose faith, buoying Treason to respond - a bullet header from Uster reduces the arrears going into the break, Clavel stands strong to deny Dostalok a hat-trick played through on goal before going at full stretch to palm over a magnificent strike from Riaz, before a sweeping long ball from Robshaw perfectly catches the boot of Considine in flight. Gethin Ramsey’s grand-daughter (sort of) goes for it herself, belting the equaliser past Smordal. Even so, the fans are behind Maitfield, and rightfully so; a point in the Gauntlet remains a fantastic result for any team in the world.

The Rams rack up yet another hammering, this time the hapless Chenoworth Rovers thrown to their mercy. Cairbre Dundalk does well between the sticks. It doesn’t matter, though; the Rams always find a way through the Rovers’ porous defence, badly missing the injured Giannakos, and Renira Schanzer makes the most of a rare start to score a brace and lay on an assist in a 5-0 win. Leichhardt cling to a deflected 4th-minute goal against Crisisbless like a life-raft, but all seems for nought when Lucien Chamoun blasts a goal-kick to countryman Germain on the hour, who chips Laczko with his second touch to level the scores. But Leichhardt hold on, even enduring a red card, before a late free kick is hit with pure force by Uche to snatch the points at the death, too hot for Chamoun to handle - a concession that looks worse than it was, but was still pretty bad for an otherwise consistent stopper. Belgrave get a hilarious / infuriating win over the Moths, depending entirely on who you support; both goals are borderline offside and Laura Ness should probably be sent off, while the Moths have a goal chalked off for a harsh handball, while Newrook hopefully start to arrest a recent slide when Jason Margush comes off the bench in the 86th minute to score a pinpoint header in injury time.

So as we were saying about Vermillion Wanderers’ consistency, a hugely impressive Diamondqueen body them 4-1. It’s a lethargic performance, perhaps understandable to an extent given Mortimer’s loyalty to his preferred XI. Then again, who but the promising Prohaska is even worth bringing off the bench? Still, losing 4-1 and only using one attacking substitution is a bad look - bringing on the 33-year old leftback Karling does not count. Morningstar’s resurgence continues, Jadeane’s deflected strike finding a way past Marisnick to see Stars past Corvette and put them on eight points from their last four games. Kaisa Gyldenstroem, to her credit, pays attention to the wake-up call when it comes. Poor for the past four or five games - actually, pretty much since scoring her amazing goal against the Shrikes - Lukas Sparr omits her ‘for tactical reasons’ against Stahlburg Rovers. The Rovers lead 3-2 in the 78th minute, Sparr brings on Gyldenstroem, who sets Sturdevant up for the equaliser.

Things are getting seriously claustrophobic at the top end, where the top seven are split by just four points. The top seven are also, remarkably, pretty much who you’d expect them to be - provided of course you didn’t make the mistake of assuming any consistency from Vermillion Rage, and even they’re content in 9th. Currently, the Rams rule the roost, making fairly short work of the Southrons in a 2-0 win; their earlier demolition of Newrook keeps them above Treason on goal difference, even after the Stags cruise to victory over Southfell 4-1. Crisisbless hammer Parrhesia, while the Chariots’ newfound defensive resilience means another slick Taleb goal proves decisive beating Brinemouth and rounding out the top four; the Moths, Brinemouth and Starling all fail to win and round out fifth through seventh, with Southfell best of the rest.

Hadrian Belfast is a man under pressure for the first time in his managerial career. His Crows have been something less than spectacular once again this season, and this time he can’t use a calcified squad as an excuse. But they still labour to a home win over Iron City, Marrish setting up Dimitra Karvelas for the only goal of the game. Tbe fans clamour for the introduction of Baba Warrington, hoping for a goal or maybe some bantz, but it never comes, Belfast’s substitutions trending safe. Still, the win lifts them well clear of the unthinkable prospect of relegation and sinks bottom-feeders Iron that much closer to it. Belgrave claim a late winner over North Laithland to put themselves in a decent position, while Leichhardt confidently outplay an ever-mercurial Coret; they and Parrhesia hover just above the drop. South Laithland are three points shy of true safety in the playoff place, still eclipsing the Rovers on goal difference despite Chenoworth’s 3-1 win in Newrook. For Iron United, it appears second-season syndrome has well and truly set in.

The role of a good goalkeeper can be overstated, but it doesn’t feel coincidental that Creed and the Harriers have probably the league’s two best glovemen. But a goalkeeper can’t do everything, as the excellent Maela Ran learns against Creed, Barossia United cleaned out 4-0 despite a cornucopia of saves, and even the best slip up from time to time, as Libuda knows intimately when her weak flap at a cross lets Beridze nod home a late winner for River. Between the results, Creed overtake the Harriers at the top, while a late winner for Ava Rose Donaldson takes Crisisbless United past North Sabreflel and keeps up the pressure, overtaking a Diamondqueen side well beaten by Cypher. Chatswood edge out Vermllion Wanderers, but Cranequin Wanderers might be the early surprise story, hammering Brookford 3-0.

That helps them overtake another surprise story in Serpentine, who tumble in the rankings after enduring One Of Those Days™ in Armstrong. Their bright, vibrant side have 17 shots… two on target, both smothered by Virtanen, while Ivana Henderson converts a penalty for the only goal of the game. That helps close the gap to the underperforming Bohemians and the overperforming Stars, who are crushed 5-1 by Goodfeather, but Mantlegrove in 18th keep up the pressure with a far more routine win over Cranequin City. It isn’t easy, and the side are clearly low on confidence, but the unlikely figure of Marisa Ohashima crops up to lash home the game’s only goal. Barossia United now languish second-last, vultures circling, and Dorian Brindle gets the axe, though he’s thanked for his productive tenure. But Cranequin City just have one win to their name and are all but sunk already.

By the halfway point of the 2Div season, automatic promotion already looks sewn up. Rochford have been absolutely indomitable this season, and remain unbeaten; Malanta is the league’s best goalkeeper, bailing them out reliably in the rare occasions a solid defence skips a beat, while Scylla Perish can consistently hit the frontmen of Meisler, with all her nous and experience, and the more physical presence of Nyna Kane, a surprise breakthrough star. CNL also look a sure bet, Anibal Troche with a remarkable 16 goals thus far, and while their back line does not look the most solid in the world the midfield generally succeeds in taking the pressure off them. The fight for third is a free-for-all currently lead by Peregrine, strongest of the incumbent 2Div sides, while Chardonnay Rangers will be disappointed to be so far off the pace in what was expected to be a title challenging season. Still, the board keep faith in Esther Mallory.

The elephant in the room for CNL will be the recent display of what happens when their midfield does not take the pressure off their defence. Aries Solitaire were the first side in the league to part ways with their manager, Katrina Wheelhouse shown the door, and Bronwyn Gerhardt succeeded not only in reconciling with want-away winger Keshet Brenner, but (non-coincidentally with an uptick in Brenner’s form) lifting Soli away from the prospect of a second straight relegation. Getting thumped 3-0 with Rochford was painful, but not fatal; still, having CNL next appeared a mountainous task. And then, simply by going direct and leaning on pace up front, Soli gashed CNL time and time again, Coen notching a brace, 20-year old Renate March somehow commanding the centre of the park despite hitting a one-touch pass almost every time she was found. Even then, CNL had chances, but Chaeffer between the sticks - another Premiership veteran - was equal to all but one, an unsavable header planted into the top corner by Garrick Fraser. Suffice to say the burly centre-half had a better time in front of Chaeffer’s goal than defending Hartmuth’s; Soli won 7-1.

After a clash between 18th and 19th, both sides wind up parting ways with their managers. Dartmouth Terriers, another incumbent, were not expected to struggle to this extent, while Pillars are facing the very real threat of a second straight relegation with a squad whose confidence has just melted away, not helped by transfers and retirements which have stripped away most of the side’s experience. Callow Pillars second-guessed in front of goal constantly, while Dartmouth creaked, suffering hugely from Fiona Shrewsbury’s lack of form; a painful scoreless draw was the result. Out goes Hildebrandt from Dartmouth, a young managerial career already seeming a busted flush, and out goes Meriweather from Pillars, with somewhat more success to her name. But at least neither of them are Lockheed Zenith. Somehow it took 15 defeats from 15 matches and a 7-2 hammering from Gonen’s Bridge for the board to have enough of Sakis Galanis, but they opted for the ‘fuck it, the season’s gone’ move of just promoting Fiete Greaves from an assistant role. In just his third game, Greaves got the Raptors off the mark, a deflected daisy-cutter from Burchard stealing a point from Crisisbless Athletic. At least Cantra Duprey has scored seven goals for them… which represents over half their total.

ZENITH

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic      19  12  3   4  46  19  +27  39
  2 AFC Treason             19  12  3   4  41  19  +22  39
  3 Crisisbless             19  12  2   5  31  15  +16  38
  4 Aries Chariots          19  12  2   5  41  26  +15  38
  5 Sabrefell Moths         19  11  4   4  42  24  +18  37
  6 Brinemouth              19  11  2   6  32  20  +12  35
  7 Starling                19  10  5   4  33  26   +7  35
  8 Southfell United        19   9  4   6  29  31   -2  31
  9 Vermillion Rage         19   8  5   6  30  22   +8  29
 10 Newrook City            19   7  5   7  29  41  -12  26
 11 North Laithland         19   8  1  10  28  25   +3  25
 12 Stahlburg City          19   7  4   8  16  22   -6  25
 13 AFC Corvistone          19   6  6   7  27  24   +3  24
 14 Belgrave                19   7  0  12  31  39   -8  21
 15 Coret Hawks             19   5  4  10  25  40  -15  19
 16 Leichhardt              19   6  1  12  13  36  -23  19
 17 Parrhesia United        19   4  6   9  35  39   -4  18
 18 South Laithland         19   4  3  12  26  39  -13  15
 19 Chenoworth Rovers       19   4  3  12  22  46  -24  15
 20 Iron City               19   2  3  14  13  37  -24   9

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Creed United              19  10  6   3  34  19  +15  36
  2 Chenoworth Harriers       19  11  3   5  32  17  +15  36
  3 Crisisbless United        19   9  6   4  38  21  +17  33
  4 Chatswood                 19   9  5   5  26  13  +13  32
  5 Diamondqueen              19   9  4   6  31  23   +8  31
  6 Cranequin Wanderers       19  10  1   8  20  18   +2  31
  7 AFC Serpentine            19   9  3   7  32  32   +0  30
  8 Goodfeather FC            19   8  5   6  33  30   +3  29
  9 Raven River               19   9  2   8  27  28   -1  29
 10 Vermillion Wanderers      19   8  4   7  29  29   +0  28
 11 Brookford Otters          19   7  6   6  28  24   +4  27
 12 Corvette Maulers          19   8  3   8  26  34   -8  27
 13 Cypher Town               19   7  4   8  21  20   +1  25
 14 Stahlburg Rovers          19   6  6   7  28  39  -11  24
 15 Morningstar               19   6  5   8  21  27   -6  23
 16 North Sabrefell           19   6  4   9  21  25   -4  22
 17 Armstrong                 19   5  5   9  15  24   -9  20
 18 Mantlegrove               19   4  6   9  19  29  -10  18
 19 Barossia United           19   3  7   9  20  29   -9  16
 20 Cranequin City            19   1  5  13  12  32  -20   8

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Rochford               19  14  5   0  43  14  +29  47
  2 Corinthians No Longer      19  15  2   2  41  17  +24  47
  3 Peregrine                  19  10  6   3  35  22  +13  36
  4 Greygate                   19  10  4   5  23  19   +4  34
  5 Chardonnay Rangers         19   9  4   6  37  26  +11  31
  6 Alliance Barossia          19   9  4   6  32  33   -1  31
  7 Locksley                   19   8  5   6  31  26   +5  29
  8 Gonen's Bridge             19   7  6   6  43  30  +13  27
  9 West Brinemouth            19   8  3   8  22  23   -1  27
 10 The Strongest              19   8  3   8  34  40   -6  27
 11 Boltcroft Thorns           19   7  4   8  30  32   -2  25
 12 Bishop                     19   7  4   8  25  27   -2  25
 13 Aries Solitaire            19   6  5   8  28  24   +4  23
 14 New Oakstone Phoenix       19   5  7   7  31  30   +1  22
 15 Hackett                    19   6  4   9  23  33  -10  22
 16 Crisisbless Athletic       19   6  4   9  24  35  -11  22
 17 Falston United             19   6  3  10  21  27   -6  21
 18 Dartmouth Terriers         19   5  3  11  26  40  -14  18
 19 Pillars of Southfell       19   4  3  12  14  27  -13  15
 20 Lockheed Zenith            19   0  1  18  12  50  -38   1

by **Nephara** » Wed Mar 24, 2021 2:43 am

The first match of the second half of the season starts with the top two going head to head, and what more could you ask for? The Rams currently rule the roost, but the Stags are eager to claim their crown. They attack with verve and vigour, matching Athletic’s signature elan, but for all that both sides are left indebted to their defences and goalkeepers. The last of Raluca Garamond’s doubters is surely quashed following a miraculous double save, parrying a rasping drive from Rosenblatt before quickly hooking her legs around to block the follow-up from Uster. Athletic are buoyed by that, and immediately made to pay, Reece Lucas caught out of position on the counterattack with a sweeping ball from Va’Afaja, Bobby Malone spurning more obvious options to go for goal himself and slide the ball between Garamond’s feet. Treason hammer on the gates, but the Rams stay solid, weather the storm, and when it eases after

So if they draw, who gets to win? Crisisbless, apparently. The Heelers race to the top after a fairly routine 3-1 win over Belgrave. You have to love the Gargoyles. They’ll keep pressing forward and trying to play the ‘right’ way even against far technically stronger, more effective opposition. Two of Crisisbless’ three goals stem from pouncing on Belgrave passing around the back, and it’s perhaps telling that Stroud’s goal for Belgrave is scrappy in the extreme. The Saints give themselves some breathing room with a thumping 3-0 win over Coret in an illustration of formation. Each side has an obvious talisman in midfield, and Kizza Okafor is a better player than Elsebeth Celustka, but Celustka has a solid structure that can afford to embed her, and thrives. Newrook belt South Laithland 5-1 to put further pressure on Leigh Fletcher, who defiantly tells the press the Southrons are safe in her hands. Their increasingly erratic defensive record doesn’t lend much credence to that, though.

Barossia United swiftly appoint Tessalyn Jens, a trusted manager with Treason’s reserves eager to make the step up into the senior game, and she gets off to a decent start by picking up a point on the east coast. Kylene Rotariu needs just nine minutes under new management to snap a recent goal drought, popping up at the near post to glance home a header. Confidence restored, she thunders home another early in the second half, and while Annika Cashin goes it alone to level the scores late on there’s some green shoots for the Shrikes again. Raven River get one over their off-colour frenemies, Diamondqueen, with Asger Moonshine quietly influential in the 3-0 hammering. After a slow start, he’s finally beginning to find his feet at this level. Cranequin City clinch an important 1-0 win over Serpentine, while both sets of Wanderers draw 1-1.

Well, it’s probably over here. Southfell go at Union eagerly, and that’s precisely what Union want, the kind of side who can swallow you up into midfield and make you pay brutally at the other end. Kendra Carpenter puts them at 1-0 into the break through a deft counter, right up until she sets up a thunderstrike from Apelles from well outside the box that rattles in off the inside of the post. Scott Walker makes it three with a header, practically unmarked by the rattled Tanners, before Lieschen Kuzener makes the score a little more respectable… then the veteran Liam Armstrong a little less so again, with his final touch before leaving the pitch.

Aspen Grove sneak in as the last Conference side standing, but it can’t last, and doesn’t; Morningstar rest most of their best, and still have it in them for a palate-cleansing 3-0 win away from home. Still, shirts are exchanged, and Grove have acquitted themselves well. Do Stonegrave, of the fourth tier, feel quite so magnanimous about hitting their own Peter Principle moment? Well, judging by rightback Caleb Fisher describing the experience of losing 7-0 to Newrook as a ‘waking nightmare’, perhaps not. Kensey Town, also fourth-tier, put up a good fight in Diamondqueen before Ruth Jesper gives away a penalty, sends herself off for dissent and watches on as Diamondqueen score a second almost instantly to break the Thylacines’ backs. Starling crash out on penalties to third-tier Chardonnay Rangers, Esther Mallory’s charges attacking with verve and elan to chalk up a 2-0 lead in the first half through Bernat and Lindwurm. So what if they lose it? So what if they go down 3-2 in extra time? Rufus Holland goes up for the final corner, and while he gets nowhere near the ball one could say he causes the confusion for centre-half Pryor to drive home a header with the last touch of the game. Holland gets his moment regardless, saving two penalties as Eversong misses his, and the Rangers squeak by 3-2 in the shootout. North Laithland leave it late before blasting Barossia United into orbit with three extra-time goals, while Parrhesia go deep in the shootout with Locksley, ultimately ending when the goalkeepers face off - Typhenon Laisne converts, precocious 20-year old Dorian Webster loses his nerve and sends it into space. Athletic cruise past Treason with alarming ease to put the Zenith on notice, Vermillion blaze past Crisisbless 5-3, Southfell beat Chenoworth Rovers, and Leichhardt lose to a late flurry from the Moths.

Diandra Ballard’s known for… well, okay, first and foremost the Leichhardt manager is known for being a World Cup winner and one of the best goalkeepers of her generation. But here and now, she is known for sharp suits, today bringing out a charcoal (yes, charcoal, nothing so gauche as black) number with a fetching red scarf to keep out the cold. But Parrhesia manager Emeka Obasi is also known for his sartorial sense, taking a rather less classy tack and rather more, uh, baby blue accented with bronze zig-zags. If anyone actually managed to pay attention to the action on the pitch, good on them; we’re reliably informed that Strebinger, Petrus and the substitute Soutar fire Leichhardt to a 3-1 win.

Joey Sinton leads from the back for Sabrefell Moths. Normally, that’s been down to the Krytenia international’s stalwart work at the back, or his ability to play his way out of trouble, but tonight it’s the rather more direct method; two thumping headers help the Moths enter half-time with a 3-2 lead over Southfell, from which Reach, Roesler and Belgrade rack up the score to six. Somehow, Lyzolda Petrov doesn’t score against her former club. Newrook beat Treason 2-0 in a bizarre match, earning three penalties. Captain Voeller leads by example, sending Clavel the wrong way for the first and third but crashing the second against the crossbar. Crisisbless are beaten by a clinical Vermillion for the second time in four days, gutted on the counter, while Aries and Brinemouth each pulverise bottom-feeding opposition 5-1.

It’s a good day for goalkeepers all across the league, with ten clean sheets - and, strangely, no draws. Morningstar will feel aggrieved to be contributing to those statistics, winger Cassandra Preston only denied a crisp late equaliser by the harsh verdict of a push on Else Svennsdottir. Especially harsh given Else would pulp Preston in a fight. Armstrong dig out another vital win against a relegation rival, the rare artistry of Alcuin Sharp playing a one-two as the veteran jinks through the midfield before curling a deft strike around Matthews contrasting with the rather more Armstrong-y second, Kodiak Grant’s long throw just not dealt with by anyone and left for Sweeney to tuck home.

The tie is basically done, and both sides make changes. The Tanners make a good show of the second half before running out of steam; former Chatswood winger Severa Conleth wrongfoots Gavaris at her near post to stroke home the first before Ilya sets up Walker for the second just minutes later. Over the two legs, it was never really in doubt.

With the exception of one demographic, all eyes are on the Sabrefell derby. Anyone watching Chenoworth Rovers against Iron City two hours after the marquee clash is a vulture. The flies are circling, and you can see why on the pitch. Daniel Kunde is a good and proven manager… but his charms have worn thin on a side that just keeps losing. Both sides remain disciplined in defence, but joyless, without inspiration. Chenoworth Rovers find the breakthrough, Custworth cleverly darting in onto Kamasz’s cross and flicking the ball down for Vithoulkas to drive in, before Liu Huiyang, easily the best player on the park, stops trying to help other people, spins past her man and arcs a strike over Rovers’ backup goalkeeper, Lara Broadhead. Dundalk has been exceptional. Broadhead … does her best, and does at least make four decent saves in the closing stages as Iron try to turn the screw, to no avail. The result is that rarest of things: a managerial double-kill. Kunde gets the flick two days later, while Dixon and Iron get mutual the day after.

The Sabrefell derby itself is high-intensity, but low on output. Thibault Benezet has an increasingly rare off day in front of goal, but still pulls back the assist for Orsolya Gere to drill home the opener, but the Moths run rampant in the second half and a scuffy leveller from Reach - normally such a smooth operator, only here due to a Roesler injury - is the least they deserve. Daniel Archer probably saves his job at Coret by orchestrating victory over Vermillion Rage. Twice the Hawks pull back after a leveller, before Lexmann is sent off for a lunging challenge. 10 men? No problem. Erik Romaine, with an epic show of will, bulldozes his way past two defenders before squeezing a horribly slow shot past Hartnett, who can only brush fingertips against it. Brinemouth make surprisingly heavy weather of beating South Laithland, while Leichhardt chakl up a second straight win, beating Belgrave. Over the past two games, veteran Amadi Uche and teenager Feo Tapper are striking up an unusual partnership in midfield backed by Hagaz after Ernie Stevenson is finally, reluctantly, demoted to impact substitute.

Shock result of the season, and it isn’t even close. Morningstar visit a strong Crisisbless United side and get done 4-0. Mantlegrove visit a strong Chatswood and get done 4-0. So any Cranequin City fan with a basic understanding of pattern recognition, seeing an early Sunday afternoon visit to Chenoworth Harriers coming up… yeah. Still, the small core of diehards rock up at the ground, and they’re in for a treat. The Harriers dominate the first half, but can’t find that breakthrough - there’s always another sky blue (away) shirt throwing themself in the way. Fyona Matthews denies Coffey with a spectacular flying save on the edge of half-time, palming the ball into the underside of the crossbar for Soros to clear, and then in the 51st minute, Amelia Ibsdottir changed everything, raking inside Seidler and thumping a shot that beat Libuda with pure force. Amelia set up Donau just five minutes later, the former Creed striker offering a clinical finish whipped low between Libuda’s legs, before Valerie Webber finally claims just her second goal of the season, an exquisite free kick taking the slightest of deflections off Demetriou in the wall on its way past the luckless Libuda. 3-0 in the end, and Matthews even comes out flying to deny Ibolya Makai an injury-time consolation. Safe to say nobody saw that coming. Do the Terracotta Army stand a chance after all?

The Classic is called that for a reason, and these days is often a fair bellwether for where the title’s headed. Brinemouth dominate the early exchanges, the first half-hour or so, sending passes flying along the ground all across the pitch. Treason hold their line, shifting this way and that, bending without breaking… until, with their first shot on target, Idai Uster loops a header over Heuser in the 32nd minute. Brinemouth try to stick to the plan, and never totally go to pieces, but the Stags lumber into the ascendancy. Stancil sets up rue Cazade to fire home an equaliser from outside the box just after the hour mark, but three minutes later, a corner is flicked on by Sale for the opportunistic Uster to chest home. By the time Robshaw hits, hopes and finds the top corner from a bit of space in stoppage time, it’s felt like the Stags were inevitable winners.

Stefan Crowton arrives from Corvette Maulers to patch up the Rovers, and… well, the 5-3 defeat to Aries at least shows there’s goals in them. Coret do what they do. Sometimes you get them on a bad day, and all you really need to do is prod them a couple times and their defence will collapse like a house of cards, while Daniel Archer looks maudlin on the touchline. But with Starling visiting, this is not a bad day. Today, Kizza Okafor continues to fly given the scaffolds of two water-carriers in behind, with hard-working Erik Romaine continuing to star up front. He smashes home a hat-trick, all three off first touches, with Muse Blackburn adding the final touch in a 4-0 thrashing. South Laithland dig out a pivotal, if brutalist, 1-0 win in Iron - Bergander with the headed flick-on for Radler to drive home late on - while Parrhesia and Belgrave are both very off the boil up front, Celustka lashing a free kick into the top corner for the only goal of a game with dozens of squandered chances.

Armstrong’s remarkable run of four wins on the spin is allowed to wind down with dignity. They put up a good fight against Chenoworth Harriers, Carroll heading home a corner equalised when Lucina Xavier sets up Emily Kohr for a spectacular half-volley that leaves Libuda with no chance. But the Harriers get the advantage when substitutes come on, able to bring on, say, a former Cormorant in Roxana Coffey, who sets up Lawlor for the winner just past the hour mark. Morningstar have a similar dignified defeat against Creed, coming back from 3-0 down to pull it back to a single goal margin, before Preston is denied a penalty (referees just don’t like her, it seems) and Quintal, through on goal, weakly shoots straight at Hartigan. But a defeat is still a defeat, especially on a day where towering Cranequin City striker Heron Paara manages to score for once, dinking a header over Szarbach from outside the box on a bad day at the office for the Diamonds.

Bullish talk from Gareth Blackthorn about winning every competition Brinemouth are still in is backed up by a strong team selection and a 3-0 win on the night.

You can usually get at the Moths. It’s harsh to say there’s a glass jaw - they have a strong mentality, and a hard press - but you can get at them. Chances should arise from somewhere, particularly as a Corvistone side with guns like Latimore and Arniston; indeed, Latimore draws the first save of the game, an impressive leap from Markgraf required to tip a looping shot over the bar nine minutes in. It’s as good as it gets for the Crows; goals in the 12th and 18th minutes from winger Morgenstern, the second stemming from an uncharacteristic error from Marrish being caught in possession, put the Moths firmly in the driving seat, and just after the hour mark a grass-cutter from rightback Karii Bruun somehow gets past the late dive of Orion Randwick in goal. It’s the end. Hadrian Belfast is out on his ear and holy fuck are the Moths smug about the death of an Athletic legend, singing ‘sacked in the morning’ for pretty much the entire second half..

Elsewhere in Sabrefell, Athletic host Crisisbless with high hopes of closing the gap to the top. Crisisbless manager Michael Brandon has a few things to say about Athletic’s ‘primitive’ tactics, though. Bold, considering the effectiveness of Tomlinson and Benezet in tandem across the season, though the latter picks up a training injury, leaving it to winger Bartol Isusi to pick up a rare goal. “Was it meant to be a cross?” he’s asked, post-match, and can only manage a rueful grin. It doesn’t matter, though. Crisisbless score two before and two after, and that’s with space for Abylon to utterly butcher a penalty, a failed panenka easily caught by a bemused Raluca Garamond. 4-1 in the end. Was Brandon right? The Rovers win a pivotal six-pointer in South Laithland, owing much to Dundalk - only just back from injury - flying out of his goal at any hint of trouble… though eventually this costs him, and he’s sent off for missing the ball and clipping Forward’s heels. No matter, though, as Lara Broadhead manages a routine save in the last three minutes, as the Rovers see out the win. Stahlburg City run Brinemouth close in a weirdly exhilarating 3-3 draw, while the Vermillion derby is a bad-tempered draw livened up by Celustka headbutting Danica Marshall late on.

The only side to score more than two goals on a quiet day is, somehow, Cranequin City. Indeed, it’s Justina Donau’s hat-trick, albeit two come from penalties. More notable still is the fact that this comes from an excursion to Chatswood, the archetypal Difficult Place To Go, and in a match where the Woodsmen go into the interval a goal ahead. What happens at half-time? Chatswood don’t look awful, but Cranequin City get lucky with the first penalty just three minutes in. Donau chips Williams and that seems to take all the wind from Chatswood’s sails; the last two goals came in the last ten minutes, and by the end it felt a deserved win. Diamondqueen’s fancy passing comes to nothing against the strict structures of the Harriers, and they’re undone by a single, clinical counter-attack; Vanna Pearce levels late against Creed with a balletic diving header. The Stahlburg Rovers diva is almost worth how much of a pain she is, sometimes.

A somewhat more anarchic performance than Blackthorn would like, but Brinemouth do get the job done. Handily so, by the end.

Uhhhh. Morningstar? All okay there? No, no it is not. To set the scene, 38 minutes have elapsed and Athletic have dominated, just as they did against fellow Crownsend side Treason. Three shots have flown by Paderborn and she’s not been disgraced by any of them, merely a fair reflection of the play, and then an optimistic cross is swung in from Chaseling and met with the diving header of Roxanna Strong. It’s a beautiful header, one that just tucks in past Arrowsmith in goal. Strong manages a bashful smile and raised fist at the home fans. She does not know how much worse it can get. Siverson 41’, Westerveld 45+1’, Schanzer 56’, Westerveld 60’, Siverson 66’, Clevinger 71’, Brincat 79’, Tarala 81’, Tarala 84’, Westerveld 89’, Gere 90+1’, Rose 90+5’. Final score? 12-1, the equal second-highest Cup scoreline in history. The third double-digit margin … and weirdly, the only one not to have Crisisbless United as the winners. By comparison, the other results seem relatively routine. In an ‘Aries’ derby, though neither side’s anywhere near each other, the Chariots edge out Soli, while a ten-man Iron City blow it against Diamondqueen. South Laithland, Vermillion Rage, North Laithland and Stahlburg City crash out to other Zenith sides.

Corvistone manage something of a coup, bringing in the unattached Lisa Amos to turn the ship around. Supposedly part of the arrangement, owing to the Crows’ desperation for her affinity with small-market, nouveau-riche clubs in green, is that she never actually has to talk to the press herself. Assistant manager Constantine Elo fronts up instead, but has a fine time talking about a relatively cruisy win over North Laithland. A deft header from Roberts gave an early scare, but by the end the goals from Arniston and the Baba were the least the Crows deserved. Two days later, the Spiders’ manager Catherine Sedgwick packs her bag to take up an assistant role for the national team, helping Triffid Ramsey out. Swings and roundaboust wherever you look.

Parrhesia notched an impressive coup against Starling, Veluca Austen deeply impressive in goal, smothering chance after chance. She even gets the game’s assist, a quick restart with a long kick finding Davor Kurtishi in stride. He chests it down, he fancies his chances and he goes high, arcing an elegant strike past and over Smordal. Iron’s draw with Stahlburg City is far more open and entertaining than pretty much anyone would expect, thanks in large part to the influence of young wild cards Liu Huiyang and Claudia Makatsch respectfully; the former gets both assists, the latter an assist and the goal of the game, sweeping past three men before chipping Olexander. Brinemouth edge the Moths late thanks to a bullet header from Tidesson off the bench, a remarkable luxury to have, while the elephant in the room is Crisisbless’ 7-2 demolition of a Newrook City side that fall comically flat on their face following a red card to Voeller 19 minutes in.

Hard not to turn attention to the Cranequin derby, where a resurgent City have three wins on the spin, two against some of the league’s strongest sides. It’s not enough to make them favourites against the Wanderers, even taking their indifferent form into account, but it does put some interest on the game leading in. Cranequin City start brightly, full of confidence, too much confidence judging by the ease with which Ilya Netrayev slices them in half with a single pass that Grahn is only too happy to slot by Matthews. No matter. For the first time, City are actually happy to come at teams, and Donau in particular has benefited hugely from having something more than scraps; her brace on the tail end of the first and early in the second makes her a local hero, and she hits a post with a vicious snap-shot minutes later. If only that had crept in - as it stood, a Fyona Matthews Moment™ at the death denied them the points, flapping badly at a cross that Viere off the bench was only too happy to nod home and level the scores. They aren’t the only bottom-feeder in good form, though. Three wins from four have calmed down talk from Shrikes fans that Dorian Brindle was dispensed with harshly in favour of an unknown quantity. Well, they aren’t really wrong, but Brindle didn’t seem able to turn things around, while Jens demonstrably has been. A 3-1 win in Serpentine helps demonstrate that, with midfielder Augustin Dirac orchestrating the show with more freedom than Brindle allowed him. Creed and the Harriers gut out 1-0 wins against strong opposition.

Emiliano Gallegas leads by example. It’s one of those days where one man really can make the difference, enlivened by the otherwise fairly dour tie, as Gallegas’ two goals put Energija in the driver’s seat. But the Chariots’ situation goes a long way towards being salvaged late on, through the most rudimentary of methods. Ihazintzu Malkorra winning, then taking, the corner and, well… the Chariots have a satyr. Kevaarsen’s header might just be one goal, but it’s the away goal, and a huge boon.

A, uh… less than inspiring series of results from four sides who really should be doing better, even with difficult draws. Crisisbless do well to snatch a point at the death, with Lauren Cheney in ruthless form for Spartangrad - even then it has a fortituous feel to it, a desperate shot from Abylon deflecting off Csikos’ thigh just enough to take it into the path of substitute Lili Marinca, who instinctively throws a heel at it and manages to scuff it past the ‘keeper. In Treason, Revolutionaries are the beneficiaries of the late goal instead, though to an identical result - Nephar Konrad Lovelace striking gold back on home soil. The other two both lose - Brinemouth, at home.

The two best… second tiers in the world face off, in a surprisingly open affair in Leichhardt’s case, in an unsurprisingly open affair in Brookford. Both away sides win, with a surprisingly strong Leichhardt side given their predicament; Diandra Ballard insists the victory

Last season saw kind of a pause on the ritual bloodletting of managers. This is not being so kind. In all fairness, a trip to the Gauntlet is not usually the kind of place where a relegation battler can turn around poor form. Some see it as a poisoned chalice, something to see Fletcher on her way and let a new manager take over with a clean break. In any case, Treason demolish South Laithland 5-1; it’s 4-0 by half-time, and the scrap of dignity from organising the defence better and nabbing a single goal from Manna Radler off sloppy marking do little to improve the mood. After Kunde and Fletcher, South Laithland turn to a third straight manager in roughly the same grain, with Gratia Barker coming in from her task managing Armstrong’s decline. Make no mistake, her record with the ailing Paladins is excellent in the context of the club’s fortunes, but make no mistake, plenty of guys on twii are pointing at her league position and laughing.

Newrook City have a remarkable way of bouncing back from adversity. Okay, five changes to the squad don’t hurt, nor does the incentive of a northeast derby win over Coret, and Hawks manager Daniel Archer can almost be heard salivating from the page when he talks about the prospect of playing a derby against a side that just shipped seven and have their captain suspended. But the Rooks recover; Juergen Kessler’s towering header gets them off to the right start just five minutes in off a corner, before Voeller’s deeply impressive deputy Pernille Brand lays down a marker with a goal, an assist and a variety of spirited challenges in all areas of the pitch. Southfell United are still more convincing, battering Parrhesia 5-0 in a game that doesn’t seem a million miles apart, but for silly mistakes at the back for the Saints and ruthless finishing from the Tanners, every gap exploited. Elaine Koeller presides from the stands as the North Laithland side she’s likely to take over manages a respectable 1-0 defeat at home to Brinemouth, whlie a late, spectacular scissor kick from Rachel Arniston keeps Lisa Amos’ embryonic unbeaten record alive in Crisisbless.

Armstrong have an unforgiving run of fixtures coming, now to navigate without Barker, and so it’s a good thing that the trip to Creed was basically a write-off anyway as they’re bodied 3-0. Just as bad for them has been the sudden reinvigoration of the relegation fight, with Barossia United and Cranequin City both in hot form. Unfortunately, caution seems to take hold in the minds of both sets of players; the match is dull and attritional, neither side willing to make a mistake. It takes until the 79th minute, but it’s City who blink first and again the fault of their mercurial goalkeeper Matthews, Ulrike Jensen with a header straight at her that somehow squeaks between her knees.

The Chariots make plenty of chances but squander the lot on the fringes of the box. Even still, they’re looking ready to scrape through on away goals until a deflected late heartbreaker creeps past Senninger’s near post.

Two from four isn’t a strictly bad run from a ridiculously stacked set of fixtures. Against the Eurans, the Stags squeak through on away goals, while the Moths manage a hugely impressive comeback through a dominant showing on home soil. As for Brinemouth, well, Blackthorn tips his hand by resting several players to widespred outcry. Still, even 6/11 of Brinemouth’s strongest XI shouldn’t be cleaned out 4-0 by anyone, and City thoroughly deserved the win. The Dockers are just straight-up a hazard to the coefficient at this stage.

Like with the Eurans in the tournament that actually matters, Audioslavia and Nephara split the series, the Stargazers going through with another good win to bolster the confidence and exhaust the squad.

Brinemouth and Crisisbless, the two representatives of blue of the top sides. Two classy, technical squads who play the ‘right’ way, and tend to be smug about it. Both have a connection to Crisisbless manager Michael Brandon, though he infamously never actually played for Brinemouth’s senior team before becoming arguably the best defensive midfielder of his generation. He must be left to wish he had himself to manage as a player today, because Crisisbless just never take control on a slick pitch at the Eagles’ Club. It’s one of those days where Brinemouth just play a class above, can’t be touched, perfect one-touch passing and a certainty of movement and action meaning that even at a scoreless half-time there only seems like there can be one winner, with Chamoun under siege. He’s finally beaten when Tauscher whips a vicious low strike underneath him, and the Teus winger sets up rue Cazade twice in five minutes to make it 3-0. No shame on Chamoun, who ends the game on eight saves; Heuser makes just two, and both fairly routine.

As expected, Elaine Koeller - most recently of Diamondqueen - takes the helm at North Laithland. She rings the changes, wanting to look at refreshing the squad, but it’s the reliable stand-bys of masterful playmaker Lundell and ruthless finisher Lazelis that get the job done against Iron City. But it’s a comprehensive victory, one reflecting a domniation all over the pitch. Sure, Alfonse Cameron’s needed to save a penalty in his first match of the season, but it was only justice for a harsh call on a dubious Warhurst handball. After a humiliating defeat and an encouraging victory, it probably makes sense that Newrook stall out to a 1-1 draw in Leichhardt; South Laithland and Chenoworth Rovers are the big winners at the bottom with, well, big wins against strong opposition, while Parrhesia get demolished again, Benezet’s hat-trick helping the Rams to a 4-0 away win.

Tired of Matthews, Cranequin City hand a 1Div debut to backup goalkeeper Karl Hortense, who arguably could have saved either the swerving strike from Gyldenstroem or the low header from Beckwith but at least didn’t seriously fuck up. Still, hosting North Sabrefell represented a winnable three points. Creed endure one of those days in Brookford. It’s a miserable day, pattering rain, and while the Otters - aptly - adapt to the conditions with long balls and trying to exploit pace, Creed stubbornly try to play the right way. The Otters should go in front after half an hour, the gaffe-prone winger Andrine Samsa rounding Hartigan only to slip and faceplant on the damp pitch, but she makes up for it by cutting back for Morwen to drive home. In the second half, Creed striker Kovac has one goal disallowed for offside and another for handball, before finally getting the breakthrough when Damir Wright fumbles a strike from Szuban straight into her path.

Two lower-league sides remain. Unfortunately, they play like it. That’s not to say poorly, by any stretch. Diamondqueen play cautiously around the midfield, and teenage wunderkind Flora Brown shows flashes of the player she’s destined to become. But there just isn’t the cutting edge, Bronwyn Forrest made to look the lumbering target woman she is at Zenith level, and when it comes to the crunch Newrook always seem that little bit sharper. The diminutive Dassi Constantine scores her first headed goal of the season in the 75th minute to put the Rooks int the driving seat. The third-tier Rangers start impressively and panic a few bookmakers when leftback Perparim Vestager coolly slots a striker’s finish underneath Laisne. It doesn’t last, though. The Saints respond well, and while they don’t score before the break, Ann Reus (she’s still at the club?) and Sander Linn put Parrhesia in the ascendancy with nasty, stabby little far-post finishes. There’s still a scrambling save required of Laisne, but the line holds. The other four sides are… weirdly, all from Aries. Athletic get, in Southfell, the only one of the three others who don’t hate them. Perhaps with this solidarity in mind, they all draw.

A match that promised much but delivered little, save a midfield struggle. It’s almost impressive that a game pitting Lovelace and Jager against Tauscher and rue Cazade ends scoreless; Nephara captain Roxelana Thorn is Revolutionaries’ best player, Tauscher’s countryman Heuser is Brinemouth’s.

A cagey, but portentous round of football. Stahlburg City would dearly like to knock Treason off their perch, and this time Vanessa Rossum leaves firebrand bully-boy Brujah cooling his heels on the bench. The Smiths look solid enough, but not solid enough, as Rosenblatt and veteran striker Fletcher find a way through in the second half. Brinemouth make short work of Coreet to keep up the pressure while the Chariots are blanked by Sean Smorda-- sorry, by Starling, losing 1-0. That allows Crisisbless to overtake them despite a disappointing, if exhilarating, 3-3 draw with Iron City. The big Sabrefell sides close out the top seven, with Vermillion’s 1-0 win over Southfell - Mrdja pouncing on an error from Brandt - keeping the Rage in IFCF contention and probably knocking the Tanners out of it.

Despite Coret’s erratic form - and Parrhesia’s alarming slide, continuing with defeat in Newrook (“5-0, 4-0, now 3-0 -- it’s okay, we’ll work our way down to scoreless draws in a couple weeks,” Elsebeth Celustka drily tells the press) the two are above a point a agme and most likely safe. Belgrave, remarkably, have only drawn a single match to date. A 2-0 defeat in Sabrefell to Athletic, both goals from Kotaro Katsura, whose career they basically made, stung, but it doesn’t make things much worse. But Leichhardt could have overtaken them with a win, one that didn’t feel a million miles away in Corvistone, a heavily deflected strike from the rarely-spotted Julian Stance the only goal of the game, while South Laithland’s dour, dogged 1-0 win against the Moths is enough to claw them to the playoff place, above the Rovers on goal difference. Iron are 13 points from safety, and done.

Another day, another win. The Harriers aren’t making it look easy, but they do make it look routine with a 2-0 win in North Sabrefell, Sanders and the impressive young leftback Palla Koenen cropping up with the goals. Creed leave it late to keep up the pressure, in a postponed game no less. It’s actually been fairly wet in Nephara for once, and when they do get to playing the next day the conditions favour the direct Vermillion Wanderers. This time, though, Creed gut it out; Hartigan is imperious between the posts, Alyss Driver doing so much with so little to chalk up two assista, Barkaan with a brilliant header off the line late on to salvage the day. Chatswood beat Cranequin Wanderers fairly handily to stay in the playoff place, with Crisisbless United making short work of Cypher; indeed, the top five all win, and are probably the only realistic promotion candidates standing.

That fifth place, Brookford, demolish Armstrong 3-0, condemning them to a sixth straight defeat fo follow up their four straight wins; worse still, they haven’t even scored in their last five. But at least someone’s watching from the stands - Arland Hawes. He’s just doing the full Barossia roadtrip, isn’t he? Apparently his PowerPoint was very impressive. Barossia United snatch a point late on against DIamondqueen in a thrilling 3-3 draw, while Mantlegrove and Morningstar play each other to a 1-1 draw that doesn’t help either of them. It’s ideal for Cranequin City, though, who stubbornly remain within clawing distance despite a narrow defeat in the Vale.

Dassi Constantine’s two goals in the first fifteen minutes effectively sink Diamondqueen… at least, that’s the logic before Flora Brown sends one free kick into the postage stamp and another into centre-half Everard who thumps home the equalising header just before the half. But the Rooks are made of sterner stuff than that. Constantine nonchalantly completes her hat-trick just before the hour mark and draws an ovation on her substitution; her replacement, Jason Margush, goes the subtle route for a big man, dragging a leg to draw a foul from Harker, Pernille Brand stepping forward to drive home the penalty. Comfortable, but not so comfortable as Parrhesia’s 5-1 stroll past a side made to look their two divisions below. The Sabrefell sides all draw again, Athletic clamping down at home on a day where nobody particularly played well, the Moths characteristically leaving themselves open just that little bit too long, and getting ruthlessly exploited by Purna Zazagan in injury time.

Brinemouth lead 2-0 in the 75th minute. Brinemouth will not be in the CdC final.

ZENITH

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason             28  18  5   5  61  26  +35  59
  2 Brinemouth              28  18  3   7  55  30  +25  57
  3 Aries Chariots          28  17  3   8  56  36  +20  54
  4 Crisisbless             28  16  4   8  52  31  +21  52
  5 Starling                28  15  7   6  46  38   +8  52
  6 Sabrefell Athletic      28  15  6   7  60  30  +30  51
  7 Sabrefell Moths         28  15  5   8  61  38  +23  50
  8 Vermillion Rage         28  14  7   7  47  29  +18  49
  9 Southfell United        28  13  5  10  46  47   -1  44
 10 Newrook City            28  11  6  11  48  58  -10  39
 11 North Laithland         28  12  1  15  45  42   +3  37
 12 AFC Corvistone          28   9 10   9  35  34   +1  37
 13 Stahlburg City          28   8  9  11  26  36  -10  33
 14 Parrhesia United        28   8  7  13  44  55  -11  31
 15 Coret Hawks             28   8  5  15  35  56  -21  29
 16 Belgrave                28   9  1  18  37  52  -15  28
 17 Leichhardt              28   8  2  18  22  49  -27  26
 18 South Laithland         28   7  4  17  35  55  -20  25
 19 Chenoworth Rovers       28   7  4  17  34  64  -30  25
 20 Iron City               28   2  6  20  22  61  -39  12

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers       28  19  3   6  46  22  +24  60
  2 Creed United              28  16  9   3  51  24  +27  57
  3 Chatswood                 28  16  5   7  41  19  +22  53
  4 Crisisbless United        28  14  8   6  53  27  +26  50
  5 Brookford Otters          28  13  9   6  49  33  +16  48
  6 Diamondqueen              28  13  5  10  45  32  +13  44
  7 Vermillion Wanderers      28  12  7   9  43  38   +5  43
  8 Goodfeather FC            28  11  9   8  46  42   +4  42
  9 Raven River               28  12  4  12  35  37   -2  40
 10 Cranequin Wanderers       28  11  5  12  27  31   -4  38
 11 AFC Serpentine            28  11  4  13  43  49   -6  37
 12 Stahlburg Rovers          28  10  7  11  41  53  -12  37
 13 Corvette Maulers          28  10  4  14  32  52  -20  34
 14 Cypher Town               28   9  6  13  25  29   -4  33
 15 North Sabrefell           28   8  7  13  27  37  -10  31
 16 Barossia United           28   7  9  12  31  41  -10  30
 17 Armstrong                 28   8  5  15  23  41  -18  29
 18 Mantlegrove               28   5 10  13  23  39  -16  25
 19 Morningstar               28   6  6  16  25  42  -17  24
 20 Cranequin City            28   5  6  17  24  42  -18  21

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corinthians No Longer      28  20  4   4  59  30  +29  64
  2 AFC Rochford               28  18  9   1  57  21  +36  63
  3 Peregrine                  28  14  9   5  59  32  +27  51
  4 Alliance Barossia          28  13  9   6  50  43   +7  48
  5 Chardonnay Rangers         28  14  5   9  56  38  +18  47
  6 Locksley                   28  13  8   7  47  37  +10  47
  7 Greygate                   28  14  5   9  38  30   +8  47
  8 Gonen's Bridge             28  12  8   8  67  40  +27  44
  9 The Strongest              28  11  5  12  45  55  -10  38
 10 Bishop                     28  10  7  11  35  38   -3  37
 11 Boltcroft Thorns           28  11  4  13  48  59  -11  37
 12 West Brinemouth            28  10  6  12  27  33   -6  36
 13 Falston United             28  10  4  14  35  42   -7  34
 14 New Oakstone Phoenix       28   7 10  11  44  42   +2  31
 15 Crisisbless Athletic       28   8  7  13  38  52  -14  31
 16 Pillars of Southfell       28   8  6  14  24  32   -8  30
 17 Aries Solitaire            28   7  6  15  35  50  -15  27
 18 Dartmouth Terriers         28   7  5  16  34  55  -21  26
 19 Hackett                    28   7  5  16  26  54  -28  26
 20 Lockheed Zenith            28   3  4  21  22  63  -41  13

by **Nephara** » Wed Mar 24, 2021 10:39 pm

Both Zenith sides get off to strong but imperfect starts. Late winners from Rosenblatt and Roesler are probably deserved, on balance of play, but both were at times let off.

Nephara is a fairly arid, cool country, one that seems to spend twelve months of the year in autumn. Grey skies, cool breeze, temperatures around the teens and low-20s. The old Premiership seasons were so tight because games were almost never postponed through the weather, and even today there is a mentality that the show must go on at all costs, even though there’s now more or less time and space to continue. This mentality, for better or worse, survives the fucking Apocalyptic rain that slams the country from west to coast for four days.

Parrhesia get lucky. They play early, and there’s a slight lift in the conditions, enough for them to at least be dry as they lose 2-1 to Corvistone, only for the conditions to pick up and absolutely drench Vermillion Rage the next day. Chenoworth Rovers rather enjoy the swamp, and neutrals rather enjoy the change in the Crisisbless chairman’s tune. Friday: “We welcome the decision to go ahead and avoid further fixture congestion.” Sunday, after losing 1-0: “The conditions were disgraceful, and heads should roll for letting this round go forward.” Brinemouth and Treason both bring out the big guns… physically. John Fletcher has the day of his life up front, basically not needed to run at all as people pinged crosses at his head; his hat-trick makes the difference against the Moths. Physical Bryger Tidesson, meanwhile, has an outing as a target man, and manages to glance home the only goal of the game against Leichhardt.

Brookford lay down a marker with a decisive 3-0 win over Vermillion Wanderers. Really, how is Annika Cashin still in this league? And, really, what will the Otters do without her? Two more assists today to put her at the top of the league table. Donato Girardi is second, now - he doesn’t get any today, but instead takes it upon himself to fire the Harriers past the stubborn Maulers. Morningstar are the big winners at the bottom, with the first brace of Leila Chaseling’s career. The winger tends to do a lot without directly scoring herself. Today’s a welcome change.

All swings and roundabouts. Two 2-2 draws on aggregate, away goals swinging in Treason’s favour, but also in Kitara’s. Adalheid Metzelder goes into a spectacular four-minute meltdown afterwards about how Ysabet Belgrade was denied her equaliser through a fraudulent handball call. She’s right, it wasn’t handball. It wasn’t ruled out for handball. It was ruled out for Karii Bruun being about a metre offside when she was played in before her cross.

Elaine Koeller has a great chance to impress her new paymasters in North Laithland with their showcase fixture, the visit of Treason. Wary of the Stags’ prowess in attacking midfield, she opts for a cautious lineup, Marrable and Moritz deployed as spoilers and, due to injuries, centre-half natural Bram Levin playing at leftback. In practice, this turns into ‘totally surrendering the initiative’. Treason dominate the ball and subsequently the game, playing crisp one-touch passes all through the opposing lines, and the Spiders offer no response. The first goal is farce, Cameron rushing out for a ball between the lines and effectively slide-tackling his own man, Stoeger, letting Uster roll home an easy finish, non-plussed. The others, though? Slick moves enabled by too little pressure on the ball, with players who could reliably find their marks.

Brinemouth match the Stags for goal output, but Gareth Blackthorn Has Words about Parrhesia’s consolation goal. It’s a slip, a miscommunication between Steele and Magnozzi that lets Kurtishi nip in between them and play in the winger Fohler to slide home the goal, but Blackthorn absolutely lets rip from the touchline, the referee needing to come over and calm him down. Still, it illustrates the high standards. The gulf in class is similarly obvious in Crisisbless, Gratia Barker left grinding her teeth on the touchline as the Heelers devastate her Southrons 3-0 in the first hour and then spend the rest of the game playing keep-away while the Southrons gamely gave chase to no avail. Cairbre Dundalk’s hex continues, going up for a late corner to try and salvage a point for Chenoworth Rovers… and somehow injuring himself coming down from a failed header. Remarkably, none of these little injuries have threatened to keep the sturdy goalkeeper out of the World Cup, making it feel like rather a monkey’s paw situation.

The six-pointer to end all six-pointers at the bottom… is a cruise for Morningstar in the end. It’s just hard to extract any real dramatic tension when Stars lead from the fourth minute, Stokes with a classic poacher’s finish, in a game they’ll go on to win 3-0. But hey, City end with 54% possession, for all the good it does them. Dashaun Howard flares abruptly back to life after a spell of fairly indifferent form; his first goal is a fluke, a rare error seeing Libuda spill Shulthis’ weak shot straight into his path, but the confidence has him flying from there with two excellent angled finishes to round out a hat-trick in a 3-1 win over the Harriers. Creed stall at River, but Chatswood hit North Sabrefell hard, scoring two late goals while a man down to win.

While the bookies go into the round favouring an all-Sabrefell affair in the final… well, some of them have already paid out on the Chariots making it. It’s hard to disagree with them, so conclusive was the 5-1 victory in Vermillion, Parrhesia left floundering. Elsebeth Celustka just looks bored when she lofts a free kick into the top corner to get Parrhesia’s consolation, but by then it’s already abundantly clear it is just a consolation. Newrook, on the other hand, succeed in getting more intrigue. A controversial Athletic opener - did Tomlinson shove

The Moths have a chance to avenge their recent Cup defeat at the Chariots’ hands, and Adalheid Metzelder is not about to pass it up. A journalist asks her if she feels her side were unnecessarily stretched and exposed, when they could perhaps have just sat on their aggregate lead. Metzelder throws him out of the press conference. “I die on my sword,” she bellows, and is true to her word - an unchanged lineup from that Chariots game, complete with sticking with Nasir Majerle on the right wing even though he was only there because Morgenstern was injured, which he’s since recovered from, and Belgrade was forced to shift to the left to cover. The squad respond. After a first-half blitz, the Moths have pummeled the Chariots 3-0 away from home. Despite demanding six goals from the touchline, discretion proves the better part of valour for Metzelder, who orders a more muted second half. Even so: point made.

Stahlburg City and North Laithland have a nice bonding experience, the home fans luring the away fans to their feat with a rousing round of “Stand up if you hate the Stags!” The match itself isn’t quite as dull as a 1-0 settled by a penalty drawn generously by Delfour might imply, with some good, energetic surging about the place, but it doesn’t dispel the feeling of the Spiders still being a litlte shellshocked from the chastening 5-0 defeat. As for the Stags themselves, they edge out Crisisbless late, John Fletcher making a difference off the bench providing a decisive flick-on for Kelly McInnes to rattle home the winner. At the bottom of the table, Chenoworth Rovers and Leichhardt play out a scoreless draw that’s precisely as dull as that implies, while a Liu-inspired Iron City make it two wins on the spin.

The Harriers and Morningstar play out a predictably one-sided draw. Despite recent successes, Stars’ place in Lienke Vesper’s mind is about summed up by the decision to rest Claire Libuda - best goalkeeper in the league through the first half of the season but slightly shaky of late - and give Kiva Sirleaf a run in goal. Sirleaf’s barely tested, in the event. But it’s a quiet weak at the top in genral, Chatswood also grinding to a scoreless draw against the Maulers, largely due to Marisnick between the posts, while Creed’s Scott Burgess atones for a penalty miss with a late winner over Mantlegrove.

Aries slide over to the Final with a minimum of fuss. They rest a few players, as do the Saints. It’s a weirdly chilled-out occasion for a Cup semifinal, Alejandro Acosta opening the scoring with an absolute screamer from rightback, Adele Rosborough taking her rare chance for a start by arcing a beautiful strike over Press, before Delphine Lopar scores the ugliest tap-in in the world to win it. Athletic battle back against Newrook, who set themselves up to spoil. It comes so close not to working. Clevinger heads home a corner against her former club, before Athletic are contentiously denied a penalty, then a goal for a marginal offside on Rouvas.

The Stags get off to a good start in avenging Crisisbless, Morgan Rosenblatt scoring the only goal of the game with a crisply delivered half-volley.

Leichhardt are a little distracted right now, thanks.

Despite some green shoots of late, Iron City’s chances of survival still stand at ‘remote’. Those two wins in their past two games have managed to double their season tally, and realistically they’ll need to hit a rich vein of form through to the end of the season… and hope others trip up. Home against Belgrave is the kind of fixture they absolutely need to win, which gets off to a poor start when Sevecke lucklessly shin-bashes Krause’s cross into his own net just there minutes in. Stlil, there’s enough to hope when Liu tricks past Steward, flicks over Ness and plays a slick one-two with Zender before drilling a shot shot past Tristram… and it’s the hope that kills you. Krause, Ingram, Steward and Krause again make it 5-1 by half-time, Jasmine Francis comes off the bench at half-time to score her first goal in senior football, Xandra Vermouth pulls one back to maybe claw back something approaching respectability before Mathilda Russett snatches it away again with a shot that just slips through Olexander’s gloves. 7-2, and Iron are surely cooked.

While the most sensational place to start, it’s arguably not the most consequential, a label it’s difficult to take off Leichhardt’s heroic failure against the Southrons. Yes, the Stargazers are the better side throughout; no, that doesn’t matter if South Laithland get two goals from three shots, and Laczko can only really be blamed for one. For Leichhardt, the final ball proves far more elusive, Strebinger snatching one off a slack error from Pike at the death, and while a minor brawl starts over the ball in the net, one senses Leichhardt would never catch up. North Laithland recover from their recent travails with a hard-fought, sweaty win over the Moths, Treason and Brinemouth continue on the warpath with thumping 3-0 wins, and Lisa Amos’ residual fondness for Starling shines through when a rare dubious substitution for Corvistone surrenders the initiative to let the Passerines come back and win the game.

Chatswood show some flair against Goodfeather, long overdue. The Quakers aren’t used to being outplayed at home, so this was a nice wake-up call for them. If you want to keep your glass half-full about a 4-1 defeat, anyway. The relegation battle seems to be winnowing towards 2.5 from Mantlegrove, Morningstar and Cranequin City; all three pick up draws this weekend, at home against strong opposition. North Sabrefell, whose form has been uninspiring in general, give themselves a boost with Kaisa Gyldenstroem’s latest piece of brilliance - a blatant handball to control Zander’s lofted pass before firing a stoppage-time winner past Ran.

Euran sides continue to be Nephara’s kryptonite, Moxham and Cheney inspiring Spartangrad to a complete victory.

And that dusts away the last of the Zenith sides. A mediocre cycle, following on from two utterly abysmal ones.

It has felt clear for a while, but is now fairly conclusive, that the title race is down to Treason and Brinemouth. Unsurprising in this normcore season where basically all the good teams have been … well, good. Athletic slip twelve points out of the running with five games to play following a lacklustre draw with Newrook, but they remain in a good position for CL qualification. Brinemouth lean heavily on Farago rue Cazade, facnig a dogged resistance from a crisp, clean Starling. The takilante is Brinemouth’s most active presser, prolific playmaker and, ultimately, scores the winner, but looks exhausted by the end. Treason, by contrast, share the love and the load more, offering too much for Leichhardt even in a faintly subdued performance.

The Stargazers will go away feeling they could have won that, given the 2-1 scoreline, but in truth they were poor. Most worryingly, up front Brielle Strebinger looks frustrated, and has started snatching badly at chances. Leichhardt, bluntly, do not get enough chances to squander, and have scored just 24 goals all season - eight fewer than Iron, the second-league prolific. Belgrave, high off their 7-2, put the Rovers to the sword in a rather less thrilling but more efficient 2-0, while South Laithland batter Parrhesia 3-0, taking advantage of their weakness against crosses - weird, given they have a satyr centre-half - to draw level with them on points. Now Emeka Obasi is a man under pressure, no matter how chartreuse his suit.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 AFC Treason            33   23   5   5    79   31  +48    74
 2 Brinemouth             33   23   3   7    67   32  +35    72
 3 Sabrefell Athletic     33   18   8   7    68   34  +34    62
 4 Sabrefell Moths        33   18   5  10    74   47  +27    59
 5 Starling               33   17   8   8    52   44   +8    59
 6 Crisisbless            33   18   4  11    60   39  +21    58
 7 Vermillion Rage        33   16   8   9    55   39  +16    56
 8 Aries Chariots         33   17   3  13    58   45  +13    54
...
15 Belgrave               33   11   2  20    49   60  −11    35
16 Parrhesia United       33    8   8  17    48   69  −21    32
17 South Laithland        33    9   5  19    41   62  −21    32
18 Chenoworth Rovers      33    8   6  19    37   69  −32    30
19 Leichhardt             33    8   3  22    24   55  −31    27
20 Iron City              33    4   6  23    32   75  −43    18

15 points left to play.

Mantlegrove pick up another point, which looks less and less good as time goes on and other results roll in. The first is Morningstar snatching three points from Chatswood. Two sides that hate each other, largely for emergent reasons, but for the most part it’s Morningstar laying the bait and Chatswood falling for it. That’s why Eloise Markus isn’t on the pitch in the 87th minute, and why as a result nobody’s on Cassandra Preston and she’s free to lash an instincitve snap-shot past Nova Williams. Worse still, Cranequin City manage to beat Creed somehow, Valerie Webber rising to the occasion with the game of her season in a 2-1 win. The Harriers benefit most from all this, smashing strikerless Crisisbless United 4-0 as their own striker, Makai, notches a brace.

The drift between the top sides keeps up, both of them scoring four. More impressive, though sans clean sheet, is Brinemouth’s rebuke to Southfell United. The Tanners have the temerity - the gall! - to lead from the third minute and cling to it with a certain desperation, hurling bodies in the way into half time… while they’re still fresh. The moment they start to tire, rue Cazade finds the openings and rifles home a quickfire brace, Southfell slump, and Brinemouth score another two late on. Sabrefell Athletic can now feel reasonably secure, with a tactical switch to a midfield three proving decisive, Benezet and the new man Siverson coming up with the difference to sink Corvistone. Better still, the Moths come unstuck against the mercurial Hawks, Starling contrive to lose in Iron and Crisisbless concede a late winner to North Laithland’s ten men. Defeats for fourth through sixth - how perfect can you get?

The situation at the bottom remains clear as mud, save that Belgrave’s third straight win - they had the chances to bury the Southrons, but poor finishing and Velazquez’s goalkeeping kept them to the single goal - probably lifts them clear of danger. It’s a bad loss for South Laithland to take but, curiously, they do wind up a position better off after Parrhesia’s goal difference is tanked by a 4-0 thumping by Treason. It’s not a pretty sight for Saints fans, and the atmosphere of gloom is evidently even getting to Omasi, wearing a grey (!!) suit. Even with a mustard tie, that’s off-brand for him. And that lets Chenoworth Rovers crawl one point closer to safety, Milo Kevan flying in from the left wing off the bench to send a flying header gloriously past Hartnett and equalise late against Vermillion. Leichhardt stall against Stahlburg City 1-0. It is… difficult to find anything more to write.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 AFC Treason            34   24   5   5    83   31  +52    77
 2 Brinemouth             34   24   3   7    71   33  +38    75
 3 Sabrefell Athletic     34   19   8   7    71   35  +36    65
 4 Sabrefell Moths        34   18   5  11    75   49  +26    59
 5 Starling               34   17   8   9    52   45   +7    59
 6 Crisisbless            34   18   4  12    62   42  +20    58
 7 Vermillion Rage        34   16   9   9    56   40  +16    57
 8 Aries Chariots         34   18   3  13    62   47  +15    57
...
15 Belgrave               34   12   2  20    50   60  −10    38
16 South Laithland        34    9   5  20    41   63  −22    32
17 Parrhesia United       34    8   8  18    48   73  −25    32
18 Chenoworth Rovers      34    8   7  19    38   70  −32    31
19 Leichhardt             34    8   3  23    24   56  −32    27
20 Iron City              34    5   6  23    33   75  −42    21

12 points left to play.

The crunch match at the top; Harriers hosting Creed, and nobody wants to blink first. Ashrata Barkaan does, panicking under the press and sending a poor clearance rocketing straight to Harriers winger Coffey, but Coffey rushes off a shot rather than playing Girardi in and it’s gratefully beaten away by Hartigan. But the warning isn’t heeded. 76 minutes in, this time i’ts Tanya Islinger caught dwelling in possession, perhaps not expecting to be slide tackled by a 33-year old winger. More fool her. Coffey cleans her out, overlapping fullback Igrene Sonnen runs through and smashes in a cross and Olwen North arrives late in the box to lash it past Hartigan. Cranequin City edge out Brookford Otters, who at least have the decency to sink themselves - Liam Cullis chests a cross into his own net, before looking confused, then melancholy.

Two stunning, and momentous, matches at the top. Treason host Belgrave expecting relatively little trouble, though by no means complacent. They play a strong, direct game, seeming to do everything right, and get unlucky with an offside call chalking off what they thought was their first. And then… the unthinkable happens. Deputy midfielder Tarran Seamster, from his tactical position of nowhere in particular, sends a speculative effort on goal. Clavel crouches and, somehow, soft hands let the ball through. Nobody recovers. Clavel rallies with an exceptional one-on-one save to deny Kondou, but Krause scores one, then draws a penalty to make it, unthinkably, 3-0 by the half. Treason pull one back but just can’t make the gap up; Belgrave are all but mathematically safe.

So eyes turn to Sabrefell, where the Rams host the Dockers. Sure, they’re pretty much certain to finish 3rd, but there’s still pride to play for. But Brinemouth are playing with a purpose, one that shines through in every movement, with every pass, every thought taking them towards goal. After ninety minutes pass the scoreline reads 4-1 to the Dockers, and none of the shellshocked red shirts are entirely sure how they got there. At the other end of the spectrum, Iron City’s relegation is finally confirmed. A scoreless draw in Southfell is a very good result in a vacuum, but right now it’s clear they’ve just gone a season too far. A pity, really. Leichhardt scrape a point against the Moths to hang in there, but the Rovers manage a brilliant away point themselves, while Parrhesia and South Laithland pick up vital wins.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brinemouth             35   25   3   7    75   34  +41    78
 2 AFC Treason            35   24   5   6    84   34  +50    77
 3 Sabrefell Athletic     35   19   8   8    72   39  +33    65
 4 Sabrefell Moths        35   18   6  11    75   49  +26    60
 5 Starling               35   17   9   9    55   48   +7    60
 6 Crisisbless            35   18   5  12    63   43  +20    59
 7 Aries Chariots         35   18   4  13    63   48  +15    58
 8 Vermillion Rage        35   16   9  10    56   42  +14    57
...
15 Belgrave               35   13   2  20    53   61   −8    41
16 South Laithland        35   10   5  20    43   63  −20    35
17 Parrhesia United       35    9   8  18    50   73  −23    35
18 Chenoworth Rovers      35    8   8  19    41   73  −32    32
19 Leichhardt             35    8   4  23    24   56  −32    28

9 points left to play.

Day of the goalkeeper, with another bevy of clean sheets. But one former goalkeeper, North Sabrefell’s Lukas Sparr, won’t be happy with his own, Rena Perch. Failing to call for a long ball she’s going for, she absolutely cleans out her own centre-half, Sesay. They crash into each other and Tremeka Godwin can just stroll the ball into the empty net. It’s Goodfeather’s equaliser, and Godwin curls home a brilliant winner in the 86th; Sesay’s out for the rest of the season, though that’s still only like a few weeks. Damir Wright puts on a masterclass for Brookford, which stifles a Chenoworth side that only just scored four, while none of the three in serious relegation danger manage to score, Stars most damagingly ceding three points and three goals to Barossia United, who manage to distance themselves from the lot.

Something in the water tonight, as more dominoes fall. Four clubs manage six goals .Two manage five; Starling, who pump South Laithland 5-0, and Chenoworth Rovers, who by contrast contrive to ship six themselves. It’s difficult to say what exactly … happens, beyond that both sides end on ten men, there’s far too much injury time given (seriously, Minka Forrest scores in the 97th minute and there’s still time to kick off) and generally terrible defending all around. Surprising nobody, Brinemouth are one of the teams that score six, Newrook their luckless victims.

Surprising everybody, Treason are one of the teams that concede six. A few away fans rock up hoping their charges will keep taking the fight to the Dockers, but… well… that doesn’t happen. Treason fall into the trap they’re more comfortable giving others, drawn into pressing forward and getting destroyed on the break by Vermillion Rage and their quick, clinical forwards. “We lost our heads. Every attack, we thought the next goal would come,” mourned Cheney Bittencourt. “But of course I still believe.” Yeah, he has to. But Brinemouth just need one win, or even two draws, though in fairness Corvistone and Aries aren’t the easiest of opponents. Every relegation battler loses, some very convincingly, and that puts Leichhardt against the wall. They need at least four points… and a visit to Crisisbless looms.

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brinemouth             36   26   3   7    81   36  +45    81
 2 AFC Treason            36   24   5   7    87   40  +47    77
 3 Sabrefell Athletic     36   20   8   8    78   41  +37    68
 4 Sabrefell Moths        36   19   6  11    77   50  +27    63
 5 Starling               36   18   9   9    60   48  +12    63
 6 Crisisbless            36   19   5  12    69   46  +23    62
 7 Aries Chariots         36   19   4  13    65   48  +17    61
 8 Vermillion Rage        36   17   9  10    62   45  +17    60
...
16 Parrhesia United       36    9   8  19    51   75  −24    35
17 South Laithland        36   10   5  21    43   68  −25    35
18 Chenoworth Rovers      36    8   8  20    46   79  −33    32
19 Leichhardt             36    8   4  24    25   59  −34    28

6 points left to play.

The Harriers can surely start to smell the flowers. It’s a dogged win earned on a windswept, miserable day, but the Harriers’ defence heads out the thousand slings and arrows of Vermillion Wanderers’ wingers. It’s a perfect defensive effort, though one marvelous snap-volley from leftback Parissis forces Libuda into a no less spectacular save. But victory is justice… and means that one point from their last two games will get them over the line, despite Creed’s win over Chatswood. North Sabrefell visit Morningstar. Both sides need to win, and Deborah Stokes seems to find a way… of being offside with every single attack. Gyldenstroem’s kept quiet by experienced leftback Hammond, but North Sabrefell have other weapons, and the mercurial Perilous Whiteside notches a first-half brace to get the Bohemians on the right track. Florian Banneret scores his first of the season late on, but it’s not the result Morningstar need… especially when Mantlegrove beat Armstrong 1-0 two hours later.

Battles and fine margins at the top, as is so often the case. But Treason fall foul, and short. Starling rise gamely to the challenge.

The football Gods are determined to deny us a flashy finish. This is not for the want of heroism. Chenoworth Rovers dig deep, Stefan Crowton biting his nails on the touchline, and Cairbre Dundalk returns with perfect timing… to give away a penalty to Orsolya Gere six minutes in. But Katsura’s penalty is too close to the centre, and beaten away. The Rams don’t recover. The Rovers, on hostile ground, hammer at the door. Now it’s Garamond under siege, incredulous her defence can’t keep out the bloody Rovers, and finally something slips through, Counsell stinging Garamond’s palms and Custworth in the right place to batter home the rebound, and the Rovers cling to it like their rock with ten men behind the ball. They hold out, and… it doesn’t matter, because the next day South Laithland manage an equally gutsy 1-0 win in Southfell to save them. Leichhardt succumb to a limp 3-0 defeat in Crisisbless, and their relegation is confirmed despite a valiant push. The Rovers, then, are destined to meet Chatswood in the playoff.

Creed do their part, two bullet headers from Scott Burgess - the form striker of the home stretch of the season - does confirm their promotion, and Chatswood lose 1-0 for the third time in five games regardless. But though the Harriers fall behind early to a Cypher Town who have seemingly done little of note this season, they battle and scrape for a way past Rochester in goal before Riviera Sanders finally finds a way, shooting straight at the keeper’s near post. Rochester palms it down. Sanders tries to sweep the rebound in - Rochester gets a leg in the way, but there’s still no marker as Sanders stumbles onto the rebound, toebashes it into the now-empty net and wheels away to celebrate. Well might she; the Harriers have won the title.

Bizarrely, the bottom three all win. For that matter, when the dust settles, none of the bottom six have lost. The hunger to escape the fight is strong, but too late for Cranequin City, Tsolakis’ late winner in River nothing more than the rage against the dying of the light… albeit for a club nobody expected to escape the drop regardless. Morningstar battle fiercely against Corvette, a match that starts out nice and composed - Julia Roberts drawing and scoring a penalty to put the Maulers up 1-0 by half-time - but Stars’ equaliser in the 67th minute makes the match devolve into chaos. It’s a chaos that ends up suiting Stars, Preston setting up impact substitute Sandro Quintal to rattle home a clinical low strike from outside the box before Damon Pearce hammers home from the chaos of a cleared corner hoofed back in by Ryder, rendering Auburn Daescher’s late strike nothing more than a consolation. They think they’ve done enough… but Mantlegrove match their result with a clear-headed, crisp 2-0 win against Serpentine, earned by disciplined defending.

ZENITH

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth              37  27   3   7  82  36  +46  84
  2 AFC Treason             37  24   6   7  88  41  +47  78
  3 Sabrefell Athletic      37  20   8   9  78  42  +36  68
  4 Crisisbless             37  20   5  12  72  46  +26  65
  5 Sabrefell Moths         37  19   7  11  79  52  +27  64
  6 Aries Chariots          37  20   4  13  67  48  +19  64
  7 Starling                37  18  10   9  61  49  +12  64
  8 Vermillion Rage         37  17   9  11  62  46  +16  60
  9 Southfell United        37  17   6  14  62  64   -2  57
 10 North Laithland         37  17   2  18  60  57   +3  53
 11 AFC Corvistone          37  12  11  14  46  50   -4  47
 12 Stahlburg City          37  12  10  15  33  47  -14  46
 13 Newrook City            37  12   9  16  60  78  -18  45
 14 Belgrave                37  13   4  20  57  65   -8  43
 15 Coret Hawks             37  12   7  18  50  74  -24  43
 16 Parrhesia United        37  10   8  19  53  76  -23  38
 17 South Laithland         37  11   5  21  44  68  -24  38
 18 Chenoworth Rovers       37   9   8  20  47  79  -32  35
 19 Leichhardt              37   8   4  25  25  62  -37  28
 20 Iron City               37   5   8  24  35  81  -46  23

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers       37  24   6   7  58  28  +30  78
  2 Creed United              37  21  11   5  64  31  +33  74
  3 Chatswood                 37  20   7  10  52  25  +27  67
  4 Crisisbless United        37  17  10  10  62  38  +24  61
  5 Diamondqueen              37  18   6  13  58  42  +16  60
  6 Brookford Otters          37  15  13   9  60  43  +17  58
  7 Vermillion Wanderers      37  16   9  12  54  46   +8  57
  8 Raven River               37  16   7  14  48  46   +2  55
  9 Goodfeather FC            37  14  11  12  61  59   +2  53
 10 Stahlburg Rovers          37  13   9  15  51  64  -13  48
 11 AFC Serpentine            37  13   8  16  57  68  -11  47
 12 Cranequin Wanderers       37  13   7  17  37  45   -8  46
 13 Barossia United           37  11  12  14  44  50   -6  45
 14 Corvette Maulers          37  13   6  18  44  63  -19  45
 15 Cypher Town               37  11   9  17  35  42   -7  42
 16 Armstrong                 37  12   6  19  30  49  -19  42
 17 North Sabrefell           37  11   8  18  40  53  -13  41
 18 Morningstar               37  10   8  19  36  53  -17  38
 19 Mantlegrove               37   8  12  17  34  53  -19  36
 20 Cranequin City            37   8   7  22  31  58  -27  31

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corinthians No Longer      37  23   9   5  72  40  +32  78
  2 AFC Rochford               37  22  11   4  69  30  +39  77
  3 Chardonnay Rangers         37  21   7   9  82  48  +34  70
  4 Greygate                   37  20   7  10  53  36  +17  67
  5 Peregrine                  37  18  11   8  75  45  +30  65
  6 Alliance Barossia          37  17  13   7  61  51  +10  64
  7 Locksley                   37  17   9  11  70  52  +18  60
  8 Gonen's Bridge             37  14  13  10  79  51  +28  55
  9 The Strongest              37  16   6  15  65  72   -7  54
 10 West Brinemouth            37  15   8  14  36  39   -3  53
 11 Bishop                     37  14  10  13  55  53   +2  52
 12 Aries Solitaire            37  13   7  17  55  56   -1  46
 13 Pillars of Southfell       37  11   8  18  36  43   -7  41
 14 Boltcroft Thorns           37  11   8  18  57  79  -22  41
 15 New Oakstone Phoenix       37   9  11  17  56  66  -10  38
 16 Falston United             37  11   5  21  42  55  -13  38
 17 Crisisbless Athletic       37   9   9  19  47  74  -27  36
 18 Hackett                    37   9   8  20  34  77  -43  35
 19 Dartmouth Terriers         37   8   9  20  39  66  -27  33
 20 Lockheed Zenith            37   4   7  26  32  82  -50  19

by **Nephara** » Fri Mar 26, 2021 2:52 am

ZENITH FINALE
Brinemouth 2-1 Aries Chariots
Leichhardt 3-3 Coret Hawks
Iron City 0-7 AFC Corvistone
Parrhesia United 0-2 Crisisbless
Chenoworth Rovers 2-4 Newrook City
Belgrave 1-1 North Laithland
South Laithland 1-3 Sabrefell Athletic
Vermillion Rage 1-2 Sabrefell Moths
AFC Treason 1-1 Southfell United
Starling 1-0 Stahlburg City

Brinemouth leave it to a late brace from Jackson to secure the victory lap, but the trophy was always waiting to be lifted on home soil, in front of a packed Eagles Club. One step closer to equalling the record, Treason on notice. Iron simply run out of steam, getting clotheslined 7-0 at home by Corvistone, while those sides with irons still in the fire keep their powder dry, if you’ll forgive the mixed metaphor. Newrook’s U23s beating Rovers’ U23s 4-2 is pretty entertaining, the Rovers playing with a flair they could rarely match when the pressure was on. All that’s really up for grabs is fourth, and Crisisbless’ 2-0 win in Parrhesia secures that nice and tightly.

FIRST DIVISION FINALE
AFC Serpentine 0-1 Armstrong
Morningstar 1-1 Goodfeather FC
Cranequin City 0-3 Mantlegrove
Stahlburg Rovers 2-0 Corvette Maulers
Chenoworth Harriers 0-2 Raven River
Crisisbless United 1-1 North Sabrefell
Diamondqueen 1-0 Cypher Town
Creed United 0-0 Barossia United
Chatswood 0-0 Vermillion Wanderers
Brookford Otters 3-1 Cranequin Wanderers

Anything Morningstar can do, Mantlegrove can do better. It helps that Mantlegrove play against Cranequin City, dumpstering the bottom-feeders 3-0. Stars demand an inquest - City’s squad selection was experimental, resting a number of veterans and handing out a couple of debuts for next year’s hopefuls - but really, after 38 games, you end where you deserve. Goodfeather’s equaliser coming from an inch-perfect free kick that brushes Paderborn’s fingertips on its way in will sting.

SECOND DIVISION FINALE
Boltcroft Thorns 1-1 Falston United
Chardonnay Rangers 3-0 Hackett
New Oakstone Phoenix 0-3 West Brinemouth
Lockheed Zenith 2-1 Locksley
Pillars of Southfell 1-1 Dartmouth Terriers
Aries Solitaire 0-2 Crisisbless Athletic
The Strongest 1-2 Peregrine
Bishop 0-1 Corinthians No Longer
Gonen's Bridge 1-0 Greygate
Alliance Barossia 1-0 AFC Rochford

CNL secure the title with a dogged win in Bishop - and in any case, Rochford’s defeat to Alliance means they blew their shot. Dartmouth narrowly miss the opportunity to get themselves out of trouble, giving Hackett a reprieve despite being crushed 3-0 by the Rangers. Zenith have been doomed for ages, their godawful first half of the season condemning them, but they do pick up another win to help ensure their final points tally is very nearly respectable.

PLAYOFFS
2DIV Hackett vs. 3DIV Mapleford

Hackett play like a side that don’t believe how they got into this mess. A hard-knuckled side that have traditionally yo-yoed between second and third tier should never feel comfortable enough to be complacent or confused at their plight, but there you have it, more victims of the league compression. They don’t really show up, and Mapleford’s determined pressing twice leads to the ball in the net… one called offside, the other for a foul when, to be totally fair, Markus Deamond does kinda shove Myriam Lockett to the floor and step on her back trying to get to the ball. He’s cautioned for that, but it doesn’t help the mood of the Hackett fans when he ultimately pops up to head home the only goal of the game.

Hackett 0 - 1 MAPLEFORD
Deamond 76’

1DIV Mantlegrove vs. 2DIV Chardonnay Rangers

Mantlegrove have not been prolific this season. Or… ever. Yet the bookies have the Rangers down as favourites, a side widely seen as title favourites going into the season, against a Dryads outfit who have overperformed for years and only now seemed to revert to the mean. Alexandra Lazarou’s lost a yard of pace, but remains Mantlegrove’s key player. The Rangers stick to a flat four in midfield, neglecting to stick someone on the talismanic playmaker before its’ already too late. Sparrow and Lindwurm trade early blows, but Lazarou plays in Condor Madrid on goal, for Barth Guzman to obligingly hack him down. Lazarou nets the penalty, and Mantlegrove never look back en route to a thumping 5-1 win. The Rangers go to lick their wounds, conscious their best players might be getting itchy to return to ‘their’ level, with or without the club. Next season looms as crucial.

MANTLEGROVE 5 - 1 Chardonnay Rangers
Sparrow 13’, Lazarou 27’ pen 83’, Londe 46’, Madrid 61’ // Lindwurm 17’

ZENITH Chenoworth Rovers vs. 1DIV Chatswood

A lot of neutrals tend to blend Chenoworth Rovers and Chatswood together, a grim Western side in white and blue against a grim Western side in sky blue - though they’re forced into a strangely beautiful purple third kit today. But it’s the Rovers who play the prettier football, Jelena Aravit explosive down the right flank, and a bullet of a free kick forces a magnificent save from Nova Williams. The Chromatika international can prevent the sublime, but not the ridiculous, when her attempt to save another long shot going well wide from Counsell backfires badly when the ball caroms in off Imhoff’s midriff. Why was the centre-half facing his own goal anyway? Suffice to say Lyn Havelock is… unimpressed, and the second half doesn’t have much solace for her. Stefan Crowton’s men control the tempo, Williams is called upon again to deny Custworth from close range before Aravit sneaks in at the far post to drive a knife into the Woodsmen, played through by the energetic substitute Minka Forrest.

CHENOWORTH ROVERS 2 - 0 Chatswood
Imhoff 32’ o. g., Aravit 79’

NFA CUP FINAL
Newrook City (4-2-3-1) 1 - Iarrow; 17 - Heward, 3 - Korkut, 6 - Solari (c), 20 - Forde; 4 - Niskanen, 16 - Brand; 19 - Storrev, 10 - Zumalakarregi, 26 - Treatise; 21 - Constantine
Bench 12 - Theoklitos; 2 - Tatasciore, 8 - Voeller, 9 - Margush, 15 - Lysander, 18 - Graves, 33 - Roehampton

Aries Chariots (4-4-2) 20 - Press; 17 - Acosta, 5 - Tarrasch (c), 18 - Rasanamira, 12 - Teijeiro; 7 - Malkorra, 8 - Zazagan, 6 - Rzazade, 16 - Porter; 10 - Taleb, 21 - Coleman
Bench 1 - Senninger; 2 - Ashcroft, 13 - Tokich, 14 - Lopar, 15 - Sierra, 19 - Bolton, 24 - Steele

There’s a different energy to this Cup final. At least, it seems that way. There’s a freshness ot the squads, though of course there’s still an injury here or there - Kevaarsen’s absence will sting in particular for the Chariots - but it’s hard not to attribute it to the fact that each side has just… played eight fewer fixtures. Unfortunately for neutrals, this freshness manifests as discipline and defensive energy. The first half-hour goes by with a lot of clean passing, occasional clever, darting runs unrewarded by the killer ball, and few shots, Pernille Brand at least forcing Press into a dive with a strike from outside the box, even that at a comfortable height.

But things start to pick up a bit when Markko Niskanen picks up a caution for a lunging challenge on Purna Zazagan, clipping her heels as she jinked past. While the free kick is forgettable, easily headed clear by Korkut, the Chariots just get through the centre that little bit easier from then. From there stems the breakthrough - Zazagan bursting through the centre again, Niskanen in pursuit but forced to be cautious, Zazagan to Coleman, who sees no way through but to pass to Taleb, who sees the angle with his first touch. Most fans anticipate a shot - so does Eero Solari, jumping slightly and fatally before Taleb slides in a diagonal towards the far post, where Anna Porter doesn’t so much sprint onto as finds her way there, unhurried, to slot past Iarrow at point-blank range.

The second half doesn’t lack imagination, and could have racked up the scores, but neither defence particularly feels like buckling again. With desperate blocking challenges and cool-headed marking, the Rooks’ back line will feel like they did enough to avert defeat… but at the other end, Leila Rzazade is playing like a lioness in a game she later says convinced her to keep playing for another season, and probably convinced the Chariots to hand her the extension. Late on, Brand - Newrook’s sharpest player on the night - figures the best way is just to bypass her, hitting a low-percentage long ball over the top. Dassi Constantine races onto it perfectly, sticks out a boot to trap it… but the touch is heavy, and Press skids over and falls on it gratefully. The Rooks’ last and best chance, and with that the Chariots have a piece of silverware to go with their recent, spectacular revival.

Newrook City 0 - 1 ARIES CHARIOTS
Porter 39’

ZENITH

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth              38  28   3   7  84  37  +47  87
  2 AFC Treason             38  24   7   7  89  42  +47  79
  3 Sabrefell Athletic      38  21   8   9  81  43  +38  71
  4 Crisisbless             38  21   5  12  74  46  +28  68
  5 Sabrefell Moths         38  20   7  11  81  53  +28  67
  6 Starling                38  19  10   9  62  49  +13  67
  7 Aries Chariots          38  20   4  14  68  50  +18  64
  8 Vermillion Rage         38  17   9  12  63  48  +15  60
  9 Southfell United        38  17   7  14  63  65   -2  58
 10 North Laithland         38  17   3  18  61  58   +3  54
 11 AFC Corvistone          38  13  11  14  53  50   +3  50
 12 Newrook City            38  13   9  16  64  80  -16  48
 13 Stahlburg City          38  12  10  16  33  48  -15  46
 14 Belgrave                38  13   5  20  58  66   -8  44
 15 Coret Hawks             38  12   8  18  53  77  -24  44
 16 Parrhesia United        38  10   8  20  53  78  -25  38
 17 South Laithland         38  11   5  22  45  71  -26  38
 18 Chenoworth Rovers       38   9   8  21  49  83  -34  35
 19 Leichhardt              38   8   5  25  28  65  -37  29
 20 Iron City               38   5   8  25  35  88  -53  23

AWARDS
Emerald Boot (Goals Scored): Thibault Benezet (SFA) - 24
Emerald Ball (Player of the Year): Vincent Robshaw (TRE)
Emerald Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Radeka Lind (VRR)
Emerald Fist (Debutant of the Year): Morgan Rosenblatt (TRE)
Team of the Year: Heuser (BRI); Clevinger (SFA), Murje (TRE), Almwood (BRI); Spijkers (CRI), Robshaw (TRE), rue Cazade (BRI), Morgenstern (SFM); Benezet (SFA), Petrov (SFM)
Bench: Smordal (STA); Anderson (VRR), Muscadin (SFM), Nzo (CRI), Rosenblatt (TRE), Considine (TRE), Taleb (ARC)
Manager of the Year: Lexus Ulreich (BEL)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers       38  24   6   8  58  30  +28  78
  2 Creed United              38  21  12   5  64  31  +33  75
  3 Chatswood                 38  20   8  10  52  25  +27  68
  4 Diamondqueen              38  19   6  13  59  42  +17  63
  5 Crisisbless United        38  17  11  10  63  39  +24  62
  6 Brookford Otters          38  16  13   9  63  44  +19  61
  7 Vermillion Wanderers      38  16  10  12  54  46   +8  58
  8 Raven River               38  17   7  14  50  46   +4  58
  9 Goodfeather FC            38  14  12  12  62  60   +2  54
 10 Stahlburg Rovers          38  14   9  15  53  64  -11  51
 11 AFC Serpentine            38  13   8  17  57  69  -12  47
 12 Barossia United           38  11  13  14  44  50   -6  46
 13 Cranequin Wanderers       38  13   7  18  38  48  -10  46
 14 Armstrong                 38  13   6  19  31  49  -18  45
 15 Corvette Maulers          38  13   6  19  44  65  -21  45
 16 Cypher Town               38  11   9  18  35  43   -8  42
 17 North Sabrefell           38  11   9  18  41  54  -13  42
 18 Mantlegrove               38   9  12  17  37  53  -16  39
 19 Morningstar               38  10   9  19  37  54  -17  39
 20 Cranequin City            38   8   7  23  31  61  -30  31

AWARDS
Jade Boot (Goals Scored): Scott Burgess (CRD) - 25
Jade Ball (Player of the Year): Donato Girardi (CHH)
Jade Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Kaisa Gyldenstroem (NSF)
Team of the Year: Hartigan (CRD); Landrith (CRD), Ozolx-Alfan (CHT), Vannatter (CRU), Parissis (VRW); Sanders (CHH), Ulmer (CRU), Girardi (CHH), Cashin (BRO); Howard (GDF), Burgess (CRD)
Manager of the Year: Kurtis Rakeruth (SRP)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corinthians No Longer      38  24   9   5  73  40  +33  81
  2 AFC Rochford               38  22  11   5  69  31  +38  77
  3 Chardonnay Rangers         38  22   7   9  85  48  +37  73
  4 Peregrine                  38  19  11   8  77  46  +31  68
  5 Greygate                   38  20   7  11  53  37  +16  67
  6 Alliance Barossia          38  18  13   7  62  51  +11  67
  7 Locksley                   38  17   9  12  71  54  +17  60
  8 Gonen's Bridge             38  15  13  10  80  51  +29  58
  9 West Brinemouth            38  16   8  14  39  39   +0  56
 10 The Strongest              38  16   6  16  66  74   -8  54
 11 Bishop                     38  14  10  14  55  54   +1  52
 12 Aries Solitaire            38  13   7  18  55  58   -3  46
 13 Pillars of Southfell       38  11   9  18  37  44   -7  42
 14 Boltcroft Thorns           38  11   9  18  58  80  -22  42
 15 Falston United             38  11   6  21  43  56  -13  39
 16 Crisisbless Athletic       38  10   9  19  49  74  -25  39
 17 New Oakstone Phoenix       38   9  11  18  56  69  -13  38
 18 Hackett                    38   9   8  21  34  80  -46  35
 19 Dartmouth Terriers         38   8  10  20  40  67  -27  34
 20 Lockheed Zenith            38   5   7  26  34  83  -49  22

AWARDS
Jade Boot (Goals Scored): Anibal Troche (CNL) - 28
Jade Ball (Player of the Year): Scylla Perish (RCH)
Jade Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Renate March (ARS)
Team of the Year: Malanta (RCH); Harnik (GRG), Pepper (CNL), Raleigh (RCH), Vestager (CDR); Gruether (GOB), Klein (CNL), Commons (PRG), Blissett (ALB); Troche (CNL), Carrick (PRG)
Manager of the Year: Alaric Jansen (FAU)

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ritter Town                  46  27  10   9  82   35  +47  91
  2 Latin Enclave FC             46  27   9  10  96   65  +31  90
  3 Mapleford                    46  23   9  14  67   46  +21  78
  4 Ballardine FC                46  23   7  16  74   48  +26  76
  5 The Hanged Man               46  21  13  12  57   37  +20  76
  6 Autumnstone                  46  20  14  12  86   62  +24  74
  7 Southriver                   46  21  10  15  68   55  +13  73
  8 Gosmouth Swans               46  21  10  15  82   70  +12  73
  9 Kommissar                    46  20  11  15  61   48  +13  71
 10 Brokenarch                   46  19  13  14  59   52   +7  70
 11 Ingram Township              46  20   9  17  41   36   +5  69
 12 Rochford Pilgrims            46  19  11  16  78   65  +13  68
 13 Riverkey                     46  17  12  17  52   55   -3  63
 14 Stonegrave                   46  17  12  17  49   52   -3  63
 15 Kensey Town                  46  17   9  20  44   72  -28  60
 16 Sheridan                     46  14  11  21  34   50  -16  53
 17 Lazuli Diamonds              46  12  15  19  64   67   -3  51
 18 Extreme Hills                46  13  12  21  64   73   -9  51
 19 Caldwick Strand              46  12  13  21  63   81  -18  49
 20 Creed Rosebud                46  12  11  23  54   77  -23  47
 21 AFC Shale                    46  12  11  23  36   62  -26  47
 22 Crossroads Town              46  12  11  23  56   84  -28  47
 23 Brindleton                   46  10  15  21  46   64  -18  45
 24 East Laithland Harriers      46  11   6  29  49  106  -57  39

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Downsparrow             46  27   9  10   94   52  +42  90
  2 Besand's Folly          46  25  14   7   73   47  +26  89
  3 Lindmark Falcons        46  26  10  10  112   52  +60  88
  4 Lindwurm Delta          46  26  10  10  101   58  +43  88
  5 Corvistone City         46  23  13  10   76   42  +34  82
  6 Crownsend Journey       46  24   5  17   82   56  +26  77
  7 Grey Egress             46  22  11  13   67   54  +13  77
  8 Chenoworth Teutons      46  21  12  13   59   48  +11  75
  9 Aspen Grove             46  20  15  11   53   42  +11  75
 10 Constance Park          46  19  12  15   45   38   +7  69
 11 FC Seierstad            46  18  12  16   75   65  +10  66
 12 Sutcroft                46  19   7  20   55   64   -9  64
 13 Moxstone Fortune        46  16  13  17   50   70  -20  61
 14 Ringway                 46  15  14  17   59   57   +2  59
 15 AFC Hoxenhaven          46  14  15  17   50   60  -10  57
 16 Iberia Chenoworth       46  15  11  20   80   73   +7  56
 17 Coleman Ridge           46  15   9  22   53   75  -22  54
 18 Martella Jazz           46  14  10  22   74  108  -34  52
 19 Courser                 46  11  11  24   41   76  -35  44
 20 West Hook               46  10  12  24   35   52  -17  42
 21 Rushe United            46  10  12  24   60   96  -36  42
 22 Fischer                 46  11   8  27   54   85  -31  41
 23 Grovebank               46   9  12  25   41   77  -36  39
 24 Iron United             46   8  11  27   46   88  -42  35

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage               46  28  14   4  77  32  +45  98
  2 South Parrhesia           46  27   8  11  73  46  +27  89
  3 Shimmering Quay           46  25   9  12  88  54  +34  84
  4 The Travellers FC         46  23  10  13  84  67  +17  79
  5 Longwinter                46  23   9  14  76  59  +17  78
  6 Brunyard FC               46  22  11  13  84  49  +35  77
  7 Brookford Vantablack      46  22  11  13 100  69  +31  77
  8 AFC Southsands            46  22   9  15  84  60  +24  75
  9 Northside Eagles          46  22   9  15  74  71   +3  75
 10 Coret Rovers              46  22   7  17  65  52  +13  73
 11 Cranequin Souths          46  19  11  16  78  77   +1  68
 12 Riverkey Shells           46  18  12  16  78  63  +15  66
 13 Fully Sick XI             46  18   8  20  76  69   +7  62
 14 Rosary Brinemouth         46  16  11  19  54  61   -7  59
 15 Ox River United           46  16   9  21  42  54  -12  57
 16 Long Lake                 46  14  13  19  43  52   -9  55
 17 Mueller's Crossing        46  14  11  21  48  67  -19  53
 18 Sirencall FC              46  15   8  23  60  86  -26  53
 19 Hartford Glade            46  12  12  22  63  84  -21  48
 20 Barhara Cavaliers         46  11  13  22  56  77  -21  46
 21 Sharpe Mill               46  12   9  25  61  94  -33  45
 22 Twelvetrees               46  11  11  24  38  73  -35  44
 23 Rookwall                  46  11   6  29  29  75  -46  39
 24 Rhyburn Swifts            46   8  11  27  50  90  -40  35

by **Nephara** » Sun Jun 13, 2021 6:20 pm

ZENITH SEASON 80 PREVIEW

by **Nephara** » Sun Jun 13, 2021 6:21 pm

by **Nephara** » Sun Jun 13, 2021 6:22 pm

First Division Preview

Second Division

1. Chardonnay Rangers
Colours Teal and white
Nickname the Rangers
Manager Esther Mallory (54)
Key Players Rufus Holland (GK, 26), Jhoira Kambol (RB, 25, SRS), Orion Pryor (CB, 26), Barth Guzman (CB, 24), Perparim Vestager (LB, 27), Miroslav Lodge (RM, 27), Alessa Bernat (CM, 31), Hans Kattis (CM, 25), Anders Wallcroft (CM, 23), Andreas Lindwurm (LM, 28), Justice Pearce (ST, 33, EFL), Cynthia Rayne (ST, 30, DOG), Karl Bastin (ST, 22)
Summary Still the strongest side on paper, promotion remains the target, and Mallory won't be given much more latitude to fall short. They boast undoubted quality all across the pitch, though a couple of players such as the captain Antrim have left; 4-4-2, with an emphasis on physicality, they get the job done.

2. Locksley
Colours Burgundy and white
Nickname the Brewers
Manager Ulrich Esperance (50)
Key Players Dorian Webster (GK, 21), Anyta Parkes (RB, 31), Alexis Tymon (CB, 28), Constance Kluivert (CB, 22), Karla Laslow (LB, 34), Johanna Rosen (RM, 32), Kosta Nisiotis (CM, 32), Reno Stubbs (CM, 28), Leshi Bell (LM, 22), Carver Heaton (ST, 32), Petra Rubesch (ST, 26)
Summary Ulrich Esperance pleads time for his project to come to fruition, but can you really call it a 'project' with so many 30-somethings lingering about? This is a short-term squad, with a couple of noble exceptions, and they need to commit either to glory or sustainability.

3. Morningstar
Colours Black and pink
Nickname Stars
Manager Alaric Jansen (52)
Key Players Karen Wiseford (RB, 29), Damon Pearce (CB, 30, FVA), Sherry Lockston (CB, 26, CYI), Valeria Hammond (LB, 31), Coridan Ryder (CM, 32), Kitti Jadeane (CM, 23), Florian Banneret (CM, 21), Cassandra Preston (LM, 27, GRU), Deborah Stokes (ST, 35)
Summary Stars simply cannot catch a break. Their goal difference, their performance overall... not actually bad, with over a point a game. But many of their best players have left, and it feels like this kick in the teeth may actually stick.

4. Peregrine
Colours Green and white
Nickname the Falconers
Manager Jess Hearn (48)
Key Players Artemis Tsipras (GK, 26), Caleb Fisher (RB, 27), Avram Beyard (CB, 34), Audrey Curran (CB, 22), Avis Montagne (LB, 29, CMT), Loftus Fitford (CM, 27), Leticia Bramble (CM, 21), Kirsten Howlett (RW, 33), Memphis Commons (AM, 28, CYI), Felix Luthier (LW, 25), Dauntless Carrick (ST, 23)
Summary Ruthless in front of goal, and keeping Dauntless Carrick counts as a major victory, but they were careless at their own end, in need of reinforcement. Largely they're looking the same as last season. Might be good enough, given an extra push.

5. Greygate
Colours Grey and red
Nickname the Wardens
Manager Hecubah Statkis (43)
Key Players Harald Cronin (GK, 23), Marcela Harnik (RB, 27), Andrey Mincham (CB, 33), Andrea Mavrias (CB, 26), Faye Ruprecht (LB, 27), Sara Brett (CM, 25), Merric Cooper (RW, 27), Minka Bronson (AM, 31), Meredith Lincoln (ST, 27)
Summary Solid at the back and through the spine, but Greygate will be hoping that Minka Bronson helps provide the necessary creative edge too often lacking last season. They're gradually getting less direct under Statkis; will that be a good move?

6. Cranequin City
Colours Terracotta and gold
Nickname the Terracotta Army
Manager Corinne Mersiades (40)
Key Players Karl Hortense (GK, 26), Ulysses Athanasakis (RB, 28), Adonis Satotxe (CB, 34, COS), Georgia Pryce (CB, 25), Joanna Rodrigues (LB, 27, GRU), Altena Monroe (DM, 27), Louise Tsolakis (CM, 27), Amelia Ibsdóttir (CM, 24, GRF), Valerie Webber (AM, 33), Justina Donau (ST, 32), Heron Paara (ST, 29, MRN)
Summary Staying up last season was a tough proposition; honestly, eight wins was a semi-respectable haul under the circumstances. They might have the weapons to come straight back up, though this probably isn't actually the best thing for the club.

7. Gonen's Bridge
Colours White and red
Nickname the Warriors
Manager Lars Cousland (45)
Key Players November Reiner (GK, 28), Gareth Unworth (RB, 33), Iskar Serket (CB, 35, ISK), Soren Clement (CB, 27), Tomas Abramovic (LB, 23), Mia Gruether (RM, 26), Lucia Strickland (CM, 31), Page Resch (CM, 22), Lars Bedesman (CM, 21), Matze Connell (LM, 28), Marnus Sutton (ST, 27)
Summary Losing their manager to Stahlburg Rovers didn't unduly shred the Warriors; a side without outstanding individuals, the Warriors are focusing inwards with time, and have become specialists in bringing in rejects from AFC Treason's massive academy.

8. Alliance Barossia
Colours Green and white
Nickname Alliance
Manager Rachael Schroeder (50)
Key Players Kari Vidmar (GK, 27), Dimitri Rashad (RB, 29, ISK), Tuco Durrig (CB, 31, SRS), Gregor Strober (CB, 27), Rodi Lancaster (LB, 28), Riri Pheasant (RM, 22), Olga Kitzbichler (CM, 35), Catheline Blissett (LM, 28), Portia Taani (ST, 39, MRN), Matthew Chance (ST, 31)
Summary Despite an uninspiring goal difference and the most draws in the league, Alliance enjoyed a fairly credible last season. Portia Taani hasn't lost much of her touch at 39, and remains as capable of winning 100% of her headers as ever.

9. Aries Solitaire
Colours White and black
Nickname Soli
Manager Bronwyn Gerhardt (44)
Key Players Janneke Chaeffer (GK, 34), Franzi Brill (RB, 32), Karel Montag (CB, 23), Garrett Varlet (LB, 24), Karl Prowse (RM, 26), Gisela Feistle (CM, 26), Keshet Brenner (LM, 26), Jacinth Coen (ST, 29), Karena Gothel (ST, 21)
Summary Solitaire increasingly resemble a shark. They can't move forward, so they're dying, bluntly. Bronwyn Gerhardt's brief, then, isn't so much to press forward into the constricted fight for promotion as simply to regenerate the squad and maybe turn a profit to help build infrastructure. Renate March, last season's Jade Heart, was flipped to Diamondqueen for three million; perfect.

10. Bishop
Colours Black and white
Nickname the Bishops
Manager Mixu Durran (57)
Key Players Frey Strom (GK, 36, AUD), Patrice Garrick (RB, 28), Hector Reiss (CB, 35), Parallel Scowsmith (CB, 26), Klaus Marvell (CB, 20), Toni Bliss (CM, 32), Feodor Linz (CM, 28), Faiza Huyton (RW, 32, EFL), Fortuna Irlinger (AM, 26), Melita Briskey (LW, 25), Simone Cheney (ST, 34), Artur Casperson (ST, 21)
Summary Bishop lost precisely as many as they won last season, scoring one more goal than they conceded. That just about sums it up, really. Once Premiership stalwarts, they don't look likely to ever taste the Zenith.

11. The Strongest
Colours Burgundy and white
Nickname the Strongest
Manager Ole Oehman (50, COS)
Key Players Elaine Verlinden (GK, 27), Marius Sanwald (RB, 27), Lene Wiseman (CB, 34), Namara Beresford (CB, 26), Aloysian March (LB, 25), Gervase Ascham (DM, 25), Hans Korchnoi (CM, 29), Cheney Masters (CM, 25), Tulaska Sunstroem (RW, 29, COS), Ann Reus (ST, 33, COS), Tamika Porter (LW, 30), Tania Keenan (LW, 19)
Summary Goals happened around the Strongest, despite having a very good goalkeeper by the tandards of the league. But the structure of the team is simply to charge and destroy, and Tulaska Sunstroem's continued refusal to seek a better club is to the benefit of her countryman Oehman.

12. Pillars of Southfell
Colours Purple and Black
Nickname the Seekers
Manager Kay Meriweather (50)
Key Players Sherri Hartley (GK, 23), Johan Flowers (RB, 26), Pearce Hennessey (CB, 27), Helena Schmidt (CB, 26, CMT), Libena Freischutz (LB, 26), Parma Tollett (CM, 28), Rutger Shand (CM, 27), Van Aspenwood (RW, 25), Francine Cohen (AM, 25), Hana Yorke (ST, 25)
Summary Scoring the fewest goals of any surviving club, it's safe to say the Seekers leaned on a tough defensive unit, and players who looked out of their depth in the league above finding their feet. Not what was hoped for anyone involved, but they've at least found, or are finding, their level.

13. West Brinemouth
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Gulls
Manager Marko Gaston (51)
Key Players Ingrid Moore (GK, 28), Niadra Anneaux (CB, 29, CMT), Denisa Wilhelm (LB, 27), Jasper Worner (RM, 21), Laegjarn Martyn (CM, 35), Haroun Maynard (ST, 33)
Summary The Gulls had a stunningly good season, but then it's stunning that 9th in the third tier now constitutes a stunningly good season. It's not hard to see their root cause of success; Moore and Anneaux helped them to just 39 concessions, third-best record in the league.

14. Crisisbless Athletic
Colours Navy and white
Nickname the Strivers
Manager Lysander Pierson (49)
Key Players Rasmus Garrick (GK, 30, CYI), Andre Oenning (RB, 25), Jancis Hearn (CB, 32), Sabien Rhodes (LB, 32), July Valente (DM, 32, IRN), Willow Creek (CM, 34), Nikola Stavros (RW, 27), Amethyst Miller (LW, 29), Dimi Taylor (ST, 23)
Summary Athletic weren't so far from the fourth tier, and their golden age appears over. They have the requisite quality... or did, if you roll back three or five years. Willow Creek is more of the same.

15. New Oakstone Phoenix
Colours Red and black
Nickname the Phoenix
Manager Valery Cain (49)
Key Players Jakob Ardath (GK, 19), Adze Beckerman (LB, 30), Orane Warner (RM, 26), Sigrid Xenophon (CM, 33), Catheline Voegel (LM, 33), Rachel Xenophon (ST, 35)
Summary Barely kept their heads above water. Some experience is in the squad, but mostly it's a young squad they hope they can keep together in a push to the top tier... that doesn't quite look on the table just yet.

16. Ritter Town
Colours White and orange
Nickname the Stallions
Manager Pernille Raphael (52)
Key Players Jasper Kirkland (GK, 35), Rickard Berardi (RB, 25), Odo Vorstead (CB, 28), Lesedi Maina (LB, 33, FPT), Garrett Fairbank (CM, 30), Zizi Britton (ST, 22)
Summary Pernille Raphael's survived relegation, as have a number of key players, along with a core of homegrown talent. Playing a direct and physical game, they'll be right at home.

17. Boltcroft Thorns
Colours Green and black
Nickname the Thorns
Manager Miron Campbell (56)
Key Players Morgana Carlisle (GK, 28), Constance Jameson (CM, 27), Anders Haskell (LM, 30), Eyvind Rice (ST, 21)
Summary Conceding the most goals of any surviving side, the Thorns have a very obvious area of improvement to work on. They'll need to, as well, having lost star striker Sigrid Blaxland.

18. Latin Enclave FC
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Enclave
Manager Leigh Flute (49) -> ???
Key Players Erhard Klein (GK, 32), Rickard Keyne (RB, 27), Clarastasia Penn (CB, 25), Gareth Forde (CM, 24), Zagreus Evans (ST, 23)
Summary A young and vibrant squad, with the likes of the peripatetic goalkeeper Erhard Klein ensuring some degree of experience in the squad, will give the Enclave a fair chance of survival - provided Evans can stand up to the heat.

19. Falston United
Colours White and black
Nickname the Eels
Manager Dorian Finn (48)
Key Players Leoni Joyce (GK, 23, CYI), Ilary Townes (RB, 33), Robyn Cormack (CB, 29), Casper Slate (LB, 28), Kat Mundine (CM, 25, CYI), Magda Hill (ST, 30), Cedric Willas (ST, 28), Garrett Stijnen (LW, 33)
Summary Losing their brilliant manager, Alaric Jansen, will hurt the Eels, and make it significantly more likely they are in turn hurt by the fact that their players are not very good.

20. Mapleford
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Bantams
Manager Siobhan Clyde (47, BRE)
Key Players Brand Hilton (GK, 28), Delilah Stamatopolous (CB, 30), Michael Chiscott (CM, 30), Micah Shawshank (LM, 22), Shara Deamond (ST, 23)
Summary Last and by a distance least of the promoted clubs, but the Bantams can't be discounted, boasting a tough defensive core and a young, impressive forward line.

by **Nephara** » Tue Jun 22, 2021 3:37 pm

The curtain-raiser for the season attracts its largest crowd yet, eager to see two strong sides really going at each other. They approach it gamely, but there’s still a distinct sense this is… well, still pre-season, both sides still showing a little ring-rust. The first half is goalless, not least thanks to a spectacular flying save from Ewald Heuser to deny Shaheen Taleb late on. Chariots fans also feel Anna Porter should have earned a penalty, but when the Commonwealther falls under pressure from Oliver Spencer it’s deemed shoulder-to-shoulder. Their sense of injustice still manages to be spun up further when a blatant handball from Teijeiro is penalised, rue Cazade chipping insolently over a diving Gavaris to give the season its first goal in flamboyant fashion. Five minutes later, rue Cazade sets up Tauscher to smash home Brinemouth’s second at the far post, with a late consolation from Zazagan not enough to stop the Dockers winning two straight Shields.

Meanwhile, as is becoming the new usual, Nepharan sides haemorrhage out of IFCF at a spectacular rate, too depressing to dwell on.

Roll up and welcome to another fresh new season of the fresh new ZenJesus Christ. Ignore for a moment the new narratives. One can’t look away from Sabrefell, specifically western Sabrefell, specifically the Moths, much as one can’t look away from a derailed train careening towards its station. All the opening questions are thrown out the window, new ones springing up with every goal, and there are seven goals, all flying past Sean Smordal’s end. Five in the first half. The Moths’ relentless press absolutely unpick and unravel the Passerines’, repeatedly making the most of the turnovers they force, and ultimately making Starling look amateur. 7-0.

As if to compensate, things mostly go according to expectations elsewhere. AFC Corvistone look strikingly like a side who are trying to build chemistry in a massive squad overhaul and showcase it with a disjointed draw against Chenoworth Rovers. The newly-promoted sides, the Harriers and Creed, are given unforgiving welcomes to the league; Brinemouth strike the first goal of the season and it’s Soederstrom with the assist, deftly finding Tauscher on the opposite wing to tuck home past Luther, and the game takes on a procession atmosphere when rue Cazade batters home the first of his eventual two in the 12th minute. Creed make a better fist of it, and have cause to feel heartbreak when an errant pass from Barkaan allows Coleman to steal the Chariots the points with a late first-time thunderbolt. Sabrefell Athletic are outplayed and undone by a relentless Treason, Ribbeck notching a debut goal, while Stahlburg City look very unlike themselves in a swashbuckling 3-2 win in Southfell.

No equivalent bombshells to the Starling Incident in the First Division. But perhaps one comes close. Elaine Ashdown is given the full gushing red-carpet treatment on her way to the sidelines, even as an away game, her first game as a manager. Even Goodfeather’s home fans get in on the love-in. It’s Elaine fucking Ashdown! And then there’s more cause for them - very much not for her - to celebrate, as despite a dinked header from Vermouth opening the scoring for Iron, Goodfeather drive back with four goals, including a quickfire brace from Dashaun Howard, as they simply look the better, fitter and more modern side. CNL get a rude awakening to the standard as relegation rivals Serpentine shell them 4-1, while Vanna Pearce’s improved relationship with new Stahlburg manager Snowy Brennan pays dividends when the former Starling striker notches a hat-trick in a 5-2 win in Corvette.

This is an odd season. Parrhesia United might not traditionally be thought of as relegation candidates, and in a 24-team league they’d look likely to survive. But here, you see problems through the squad; a talented but callow front line, a fragility at the back, and the inability to replace their star playmaker, Elsebeth Celustka. Daescher plays in her stead, but is still finding her feet at this level of intensity; as it stands, the Saints dominate possession but can’t find the back of the net. Their opponents, Creed, are front-loaded with a strong strike partnership of Burgess and Kovac, both of whom threaten whenever they’re on the ball, but it’s ultimately a whistling low strike from Deborah Salas that whips past Austen to clinch the game in the 71st minute. It already feels like a six-pointer.

Creed earn their first win of the season with just 27% of possession. Manager Goran Verbeck concedes “It wasn’t our intention to give up the ball, but after a while the lads just worked out organically that if they kept compact at the back, our opponents had no way to force a way through.” Harsh, but fair, and Aquila Kovac’s deft flick over Austen’s head in the 50th minute is the only goal of the game. Stahlburg City are made to open up when the Rams take a third-minute lead, a deft, angled header from Benezet fooling Rosmarin, headed the wrong way. The Smiths surge forward and get taken apart, entering the half 4-1 down and only taking a single consolation after that point. Starling lose again, outbattled and outplayed by North Laithland, while Coret put out another composed and disciplined victory, this time over Belgrave, with Bailey Coleman yet to concede.

Manager Michi Leonard is determined to prove Raven River are no longer Sabrefell’s underperforming, misfiring meme club, and sets out to prove it with a brilliant, dominant first half where the Ferrymen scramble all over Chatswood, forcing pressure onto Lyn Havelock’s side, bending them until they break. Chatswood are penned back into their own box, Imhoff loses the ball to Crowe and then fells her for a penalty, nervelessly converted; a flawless top-corner strike from Moonshine arches over Williams to end the half, and River are firmly in the drivers’ seat. Then, inevitably, River open the second half with a foul throw from Villaverde, Chatswood turn their own throw into a cross that Mulder heads home unmarked, before Laura Rustu lashes a strike against Selina Carver’s near post that caroms into the back of the goalkeeper before rebounding into the net. Iron flare back into life, though against a compliant Rochford side; Iron haven’t had 70% possession in a league match, it turns out, for over a decade.

A city goes wild. An explosion of contrasting colours. Subtle twists on similar styles, a conflict based on both class and ethnic struggle, bragging rights that last months… we do of course refer to the Chenoworth derby. What did you think we were talking about? The sides have one point between them, but have faced an unforgiving draw thus far, so this has the added spice of representing the first real ‘winnable’ fixture for each side. The Rovers take an early lead in fluky fashion, Anasophia Esteban floating in a diagonal cross that goes well past its intended target, Custworth, but also over and past Harriers goalkeeper Luther. The Harriers don’t like that, and like it even less when their believed equaliser is ruled offside. But wingers Soltesz and Sanders each notch a goal before the half, centre-half Otxoa’s bullet header makes it three before the hour and, inevitably, Babatunde Warrington drives home a penalty after taking about two minutes just to glare at Cairbre Dundalk first. And then claim the Brenecia international came off his line, even though he scored anyway. Niko Babylon’s first professional goal is little consolation for the Rovers, who find themselves leapfrogged by their hitherto pointless neighbours.

Meanwhile, in Sabrefell, the Rams edge out the Moths. Reniira Clevinger is unquestioned player of the match, the towering half-satyr centre-half imperious in her own box before heading home the only goal of the game off a perfect corner in the 76th minute. A late Moths ‘equaliser’, substitute Kweon springing free and setting up Petrov to slide home, is ruled out for a narrow offside on the Quebecois, one that isn’t correct on replay; one of the away fans even resorts to calling for VAR, but is thankfully silenced by those around her. Creed notch up a second win, coming from a 1-0 deficit at half-time with three goals in the space of fifteen minutes, followed immediately by Constance Hooper getting sent off for a violent challenge on fellow former Vermillion midfielder Syrene Fleetwood. Fleetwood limps off, and her substitute Prentice fires off a cracker of a shot that’s too hot for Hartigan to hold and gets bundled home by Slate, but Creed hold on for an invaluable win. Aries thump Parrhesia 5-0, Purna Zazagan and Ivana Tokich given the rare chance to collaborate in midfield and sending the home crowd purring and the away side packing, the switch to mirror 4-3-3 a gamble that pays off.

Brookford Otters. Remember them? Relevant, once. Had this weird persistent thing of providing top scorers. Anyway, they are still nominally in the fight for promotion, though it’s not a fight they’re coming especially close to winning. They got further from it today. It’s unclear precisely what goes wrong, so let’s start with ‘everything’ - wayward passes, a lack of structure and a complete mentality collapse after 15 minutes of dominance in possession were undone by not one, but two goals on the counter. Corvette were all over them after that, twisting the knife; it ends 5-0, somehow, Brummer and Roberts with a brace apiece. Elssewhere, on a day where, weirdly, all but three home sides failed tos core, Mantlegrove stole out the best of them by forcing a point out of Chatswood with agonising, stifling play. Goodfeather were less lucky against Diamondqueen; on paper a mirror match, but Arden Kolar’s Diamonds change tack, pack the centre of the pitch and beat Goodfeather with brute force, Helmina Turner’s flick-on giving Kinbois the chance to drive home the game’s only goal.

Of late, the Zenith has put both halves of the Classic in a strong position. As many sides have weakened, the Stags and Dockers have only gone from strength to strength, Treason in particular adding a relentless front man and the replacement to peak Clavel they needed during the brief period of old, clapped-out Clavel, while Indra Soederstroem was one of world football’s most sought-after prospects and has hit the ground running. But in the end it’s old, familiar faces who do the job; rue Cazade runs the show for the away side in the first half before Bittencourt brings on Ferena Rauch at half-time purely to shut him down, at which point the Stags overturn the deficit through goals from Stride and substitute Kelly McInnes. But Brinemouth don’t deserve to lose, and a flying header from Otalia Kasmiir’s late arrival in the box forces an extraordinary save from Senninger, only for another substitute, Bryger Tidesson, to tap home the rebound. 2-2 feels right, and will make both sets of supporters furious at the dropped points.

The Chariots have been flying at the top of the league so far, three wins from three, but in fairness they’ve only been fighting the expected dregs. Still missing key link Taleb through an ankle knock, they come to Chenoworth in the same 4-3-3 they pasted Parrhesia with; it doesn’t pay off, falling flat as the Rovers maintain their shape and strike decisively, Riza Counsell marked too sloppily just outside the box and given the space to curl a shot into the bottom corner, past Gavaris. Starling leave it late to get their first points of the season, Daniel Dostalok coming off the bench to win and then convert a penalty against a Coret side left aggrieved by the referee, while the Moths wipe the floor with Newrook, putting six past their inexperienced and coltish goalkeeper, Shimski - though at least Zumalakarregi’s consolation is the sweetest goal of the bunch.

Rochford get their first goal of the season in somewhat farcical circumstances, Nyna Kane harrassing Diamondqueen defender Everard into trying to scoop the ball back towards the ‘keeper only for seasoned danger woman Danica Heward to nip in and tap the ball between Szarbach’s feet. But Odette Mandrake and Helmina Turner soon set Diamondqueen back to rights, and only a bevy of fine saves from Cordrut Malanta keep Rochford at all in the game to the final whistle, where Brezar hits a post from nowhere. Cypher Town bury North Sabrefell 4-0 in a comprehensive victory that allows Kaaren Lothar to shine bright. God, the Bohemians remember when they had a brilliant young foreign winger. Now they have a clapped-out Cecille Petrovic.

The Vermillion derby is only going to go one way. Parrhesia have endured an abysmal start to the season, losing every game and yet to so much as score; the Rage have won their past two games 3-0, and think they’re on their way to making a similar start here, a whipped cross from Radeka Lind acrobatically converted by what turns out to be an offside Mrdja after Bestatter whiffs his chance to bury it. The Saints take heart from their reprieve, start to ease their way into dominance of the ball, but still never quite look like scoring… until Tricia Cray tests her luck from a free kick on her first start of the season, and finds the top corner. That comes in the 41st minute, Davor Kurtishi buries a header in injury time and though Vermillion try to mount a comeback early in the second half the Saints’ jet-heeled forwards gash them repeatedly on the counter, cantering to a 4-1 win.

Gratia Barker’s South Laithland aren’t an exciting side, or one that any neutral finds at all memorable, but she’s a hard-bitten figure with a hard-bitten team. Plucky Chenoworth Rovers arrive hoping for their callow squad to keep an aging club alive, but somehow on the day they’re just knocked off their stride by their muscular, bruising opposition, who make use of every ankle-tap and elbow to the ribs en route to victory, with Kanerva Herron’s late goal from a header - her first of the season - being won with a large handful of her marker’s shirt. Barker, post-match, tells them, “Welcome to the Zenith, kids.” Even though the Rovers have been here for years. Corvistone’s 2-1 win over the Moths is high-class but disjointed on both sides, a lot of fine passes not quite finding runs, all three goals coming off high-octane defensive errors; Crisisbless are defanged by Sabrefell Athletic’s vicious pressing, and an early injury sustained by talisman Moira Woakes.

Corinthians No Longer are the only side to concede three this match, and it is very much a matter of conceding three, soft goals all. Their visit to Chatswood has a very country-mouse city-mouse feel, with the country-mouse getting hit by one or several cars along the way. Victoria Reimeikis’ brace helps her to the top of the goalscoring standings thus far, level with Vanna Pearce, though her five goals have only come in two games - hat-trick against the Maulers, brace here in a 2-0 win over Armstrong. Leichhardt fall flat against their (briefly) former manager Cyrus Kroger, whose Crisisbless United side win off a scrappy tap-in for Vossler in the 57th minute. Not that this stops Kroger giving the home stadium’s corporate box both middle fingers as soon as the final whistle blows; the camera pans to the chairman grimacing.

The First Round is a little dull for neutrals these days, winnowing 48 Conference sides down to 24. A lot of semi-pros grubbing around on dirty, pockmarked pitches, a Shimmering Quay defender’s clearance catching in the wind and scoring from his own half (to no avail; Vantablack win in extra time), three red cards in Shale and the unedifying sight of Coret Rovers beating Crossroads Town 2-0. That was a First Division fixture, not too many years ago...

Stahlburg City have struggled to replicate their aspirations in terms of results throughout the season, but you have to give them credit for their doggedness. Two minutes in against Chenoworth Harriers, Thisbe Rouvas loops in a high cross, Arden Luther flaps at it and Marita Neuwirth follows in to drive home an early opener. From that point on, one gets the sense the Smiths have been cursed; Xander Rosmarin goes down injured after taking a goal-kick, Cora Varnham is sent off for a second caution - the second, justified, the first extremely harsh - and as the Harriers press harder and harder to get back into the game, Babatunde Warrington stretches out for a cross, murder in his eyes, and crunches his studs through substitute goalkeeper Gilmore Strattan’s ribs, breaking a couple of them. He’s booked, not sent off. For what turns out to be dissent, insisting to the referee that Strattan fouled him. Winger Jasper Morbihan plays the last 16 minutes in goal, making a couple of uncertain, stumbling saves from speculative Harriers efforts, but there always seems to be another white shirt in the way, clinging to the win for dear life.

Vermillion Rage work off the frustrations of the derby by wiping the floor with Belgrave. There’s no opportunity for the immutable law of the ex to take effect, with Syrene Fleetwood still sidelined after her injury against Creed, so instead Fleetwood’s replacement at Vermillion, Valletta Keepsake, picks the Gargoyles apart with her passing range, vision and hammer of a left boot. 6-0’s the final score, and it feels like only Franca Pallas’ flying saves stopped it from being 10. Lexus Ulreich was philosophical: “Sometimes the wheels just come off,” he told the press, as the man whose sole job it is to stop that happening. Coret Hawks flare into life, overturning a 2-1 half-time deficit to beat Sabrefell Athletic 4-2 with Stanimir Rekawic seeming to be everywhere, while a throwback brace off the bench from Cathal Turner - remember him? - stops Brinemouth from running over the Moths.

North Sabrefell clinch a late 2-1 win over Mantlegrove, who score first but see Londe sent off for a second yellow card in the 31st minute. Whiteside scores a screamer in the 51st, sending the home crowd into raptures, and when Holden Beckwith lumbers off the bench and scuffs home a header in stoppage time, Lukas Sparr’s celebrating on the touchline like he’s saved his job. Chatswood and Leichhardt grind out the bitter, attritional and high-class scoreless draw they were always likely to, while Cypher secure the scalp of the round with an electrifying 3-0 win over Goodfeather; Lothar is again the star.

Corvistone are beginning to find their feet, after the massive overhauls of the window - not least the departure of talisman Rachel Arniston to play a fluid forward role for Crisisbless. It’s the Heelers who come to visit, and they predictably dominate the first half, Claire Libuda making a number of scrambling saves that underline her value as a signing in the wake of Acatha Feldman’s erosion of form. But just as it feels like they can’t possibly take any more, Libuda - after catching a cross from Fischer - hurls the ball down the left, ignites a counter-attack and a deft one-two plays Liu Huiying out in space. From 30 yards. It doesn’t matter; she catches it beautifully, catching Chamoun off his line as the ball arcs smoothly into the net for the game’s only goal, the re-invigorated Crows defending their lead with a true mongrel mentality.

In the northeast, Nephara’s most obscure hard-fought rivalry kicks off in fine fashion; Coret and Newrook pretty much don’t have anything to play for except beating one another, so it’s always a spicy occasion. Inevitably, a crunching tackle 46 min-- no, sorry, seconds into the game sees Coret star Annika Cashin limp off, Rooks rightback Tricia Heward getting away with a caution. It would be nice to say that the Hawks rallied around their injured star, battled back with righteous fury to win the game. Instead they looked like a demoralised side shorn of their key creative outlet, and get carved up. Elsewhere, Belgrave edge Starling 2-0, Casey Steward drilling two penalties into the exact same spot despite Smordal going the right way twice, while the scoreless draw between Chenoworth Rovers and Stahlburg City gives a convincing case for the sport to be abolished.

Cranequin Wanderers pride themselves on a strong defence, so shouldn’t on the surface of it have trouble fending off a Stargazers side that have amassed a mighty two goals so far this season, and one point in their past three games. For all the impressive form of the May-December pivots of Tapper (20) and Hagaz (34), this is not the form that instant re-promotion campaigns are made from. But the ‘gazers do find their feet here, off a bit of luck, a horrible deflection spinning off Netrayev’s heel and past a wrong-footed Cotton. Awarding Ninian Petrus the goal is generous, but does the winger a world of good, setting up Strebinger for a near-post tap-in on the verge of half-time before sending a corner into the forehead of Natalia Dreider late on, over doubling the side’s goal tally for the season. Stahlburg Rovers and Brookford Otters have not at all been in a goal shortage; Vanna Pearce alone has seven on the season after notching a first-half brace, but limps off after a heavy challenge from goalkeeper Wright. Karmaically, Wright drops a cross for Rookworth to stab home shortly afterwards, but the Otters fight back; Samsa in the 44th minute, Aspropotamidis and Krushlin - the centre-half’s first for the club - early in the second half, and an ugly tap-in from the substitute Bartre in the 91st minute… only to concede a penalty, and two points, in the 95th. In all this, don’t let the significance of Chatswood’s ugly 1-0 in Crisisbless pass you by; rightback Vraska Petrov’s composure when unexpectedly played through on goal by Vishca could wind up a title decider.

Despite some lame attempts from marketing to dub this the ‘Fasolt Senninger derby’ - the fringe international goalkeeper having gone from Treason to Aries and back - the only real intrigue as the Stags pay east Sabrefell a visit is that of two very good teams facing off to try and form early title pushes. That’s more than good enough, in the event. Aries strike early, off a fluke, Porter’s cross spinning madly off Sale’s heel, into a post and in, but a fluid passing move finished by Malkorra sees Aries cruise through to the break 2-0 up. Treason emerge rejuvenated, however, and almost immediately strike back, a towering header from Ribbeck flicked past Gavaris. There’s shades of offside about the Stags’ leveller, Ribbeck played through by Rosenblatt, rounding Gavaris and sidefooting into the open net - the striker is already becoming a fast favourite - but the flag remains down. The Chariots are on the back foot, but a speculative effort from Tokich bounces awkwardly, Senninger has to tip it around the post, and the resulting corner is headed home by the hulking Kevaarsen. Shades of luck on both sides, but a narrow Chariots win feels somehow correct.

The other clear big-ticket clash is Brinemouth’s visit to Crisisbless, but it’s a dull game… and that suits the Heelers perfectly. Brandon picks an ultra-conservative central midfield of Kastriot, Nzo and the 34-year old Marchant, the two pure holding midfielders managing to force Brinemouth out wide - where Lukas Tauscher chooses a bad moment to have a rare quiet game, silenced by Strassman - and Nzo scoring the only goal of the game, a low grass-cutter whipping past Heuser just before the hour. Newrook City have ten men against Creed United for most of the game, but are punished for a momentary lapse late on when Solari misjudges a ball in flight and lets Kovac steal in to drive home a late winner, while Sabrefell Athletic defend terribly all game but aren’t punished at all, Parrhesia’s wayward finishing meaning that the first-half goals from Clevinger, Benezet and Siverson are enough.

The dull and dry dominate on a dismal day for the game. Vermillion Wanderers are the only team to score more than once, and even then the goals between them and Stahlburg Rovers are shared, Tamara Fowler inducing an own goal from the luckless, sliding Mesorounis to make it 2-0. Elsewhere, even Goodfeather are stifled (but not stopped) by Mantlegrove, Crisisbless United frustrated (but not stopped) by Cranequin Wanderers, and even Raven River play out a sensible 1-0 win over AFC Rochford. That said, the one scoreless draw comes in North Sabrefell between them and CNL; Markus Sturdevant misses a late sitter for the Bohemians, and the overall sense from both sides is that of two points dropped after a poor match.

The Chariots come from behind to overcome Loxthorpe, courtesy of a sharply-taken brace from Shaheen Taleb in a masterful individual performance.

Treason hate Stahlburg. Stahlburg hate Treason. Just as birds have wings, just as eggs are eggs. It’s a fundamental truth in the universe. Another fundamental truth in the universe is that, due to lingering injuries, the Smiths’ goalkeeper is a teenager and their backup goalkeeper is one of those faceless regens with half a star that Football Manager gives you when you run out of named characters. The home crowd are feeling spiteful. Anyone within approximately galactic orbit of goal is encouraged to “SHOOT” or “TEST THE CUNT”, but for all that, Medusa Strand never puts a foot wrong between the sticks. The only goal City concede is nothing of her fault, a dynamic cutback from Rosenblatt stumbled lucklessly into their own net by Cynax-Ozolx. But the Qusma makes up for it at the other end, rising highest for Makatsch’s corner and flicking it on for Strephon to chest home the equaliser.

The Zenith’s Farfish and Quebecois audience, meanwhile, has far more to chew on in a highlights show that is essentially just goals, wall-to-wall. Parrhesia’s hot and cold form strikes up again, Newrook their latest victims in a 5-1 demolition. Davor Kurtishi shows what it looks like when his excellent movement and physicality is actually matched by decisive finishing, coming away with the match ball. Chenoworth Rovers go out for a more attacking approach against North Laithland, paying dividends as Alhambra Pike nets her first two goals of an uninspiring season thus far. The Rovers score three! They concede six. Belgrave and the Rams battle to an energetic and slightly insane 3-3 draw, while Vermillion have one of those games where they get critically overstretched and massacred 5-1 by Southfell.

Today’s unlucky number is two; a couple sides score three - Crisisbless United and Stahlburg Rovers, both continuing to be high-fliers on their day - and plenty score none to one, but only Goodfeather notch two. One is from the expected figure of Tremeka Godwin, quietly reliable goalscorer, but the winner stems from Kalia Tolsii rising highest for a corner and heading the winner past Tell. Well, ‘rising’. She’s a satyr; her feet were planted the whole time. Along with United, Diamondqueen are the other high-fliers heartened by Chatswood dropping points to Cranequin Wanderers. They usually prefer to play pretty but they can dig deep where required, and do so to find a late winner against Vermillion Wanderers.

A somewhat disjointed showing from both sides, neither quite able to take the game fluidly to the other. Rasanamira heads home a corner in the 23rd minute, and makes a decisive intervention late at the other end to keep it 1-0, easily enough for the Chariots to progress.

Aries Chariots must be getting a sinking feeling. It felt like they hammered on Medusa Strand’s goal for hours, but the teenager stood firm - a real goalkeeper in Gilmore Strattan is back from his rib injuries, but Strand’s keeping him out of the team. Worse still, Crisisbless draw level with a routine win over Chenoworth Rovers, and Brinemouth pull just three points behind with a win that’s anything but. 10-1. Ten. Creed United entered the season with a slightly soft centre, this much was known, but Brinemouth dissect them like a frozen amphibian in high school biology. Here’s the aging midfielder who spent the bulk of her career in Schottia - cut that out - here’s your holding midfielder who’d be much more comfortable in a three - incise there - navigate past the optimistically attacking fullbacks and there’s your way to the heart. Ten times. Largely from fluid passing moves. Treason stall to a scoreless draw against the Moths, while Corvistone battle to get the edge in a seven-goal thriller against Parrhseia United.

Starling’s season goes from bad to worse, slaughtered 5-0 by Southfell United. There’s absolutely no mitigating factor; they’ve started with three defeats on the trot, picked up three wins straight only to now lose four in a row. International football somehow already looks out of reach, with just 28 matches rather than 36 to get back on track. Oh, and they’ve scored the fewest goals of any team in the league, and have the second-worst goal difference. Beneath them, South Laithland are edged out by their northern cousins, the Harriers draw the Hawks, Belgrave get massacred 5-1 by Newrook and the Rovers prop up the table; the Rooks’ victory sees them rise from second-last to relatively safe 15th, emphasising how much can change on such short notice.

This has to date been a grinding, attritional season, more than anything. Some clubs are doing a lot with a little; Leichhardt have turned seven goals into seventeen points, though they fail to add to either tally in a hard-fought derby with a Corvette side in brilliant form, while Armstrong are somehow staying up with just four goals thus far, their most successful playmaker to date being goalkeeper Riga Demetry, though she lets Cranequin wingback Netrayev beat her at her near post to give up the points against Cranequin Wanderers. Crisisbless United batter North Sabrefell to an easy 3-1 away win in a top vs. bottom clash, with Diamondqueen making rather heavier weather of edging past the one-man team of Kaaren Lothar’s Cypher Town but still joining them on 25 points. Chatswood are five adrift but unbeaten, edging by Barrosia United, with Goodfeather and Corvette also in the chase; at the bottom, Serpentine and Rochford’s draw helps neither side, while Mantlegrove take a point from Iron City to ditch CNL in the danger zone with the Bohemians. Lukas Sparr is, unsurprisingly, at the top of the sack race right now.

Those surviving Conference sides are now left to swim with the sharks. Mueller’s Crossing come out among the best of them, remarkably powering three goals past Crisisbless United goalkeeper Brandon Connell, and a fourth ruled out for a blatant foul in the buildup on Ewout Broon. Pity for them, though, the Chequers smash in six themselves. So too do Cyper, Chatswood, Greygate and even West Brinemouth, though no side manage more than that… Martella Jazz manage it too, as one Conference side against another. Mostly, the chips fall as expected, with Iron City the highest-profile loss after coming completely unstuck against lowly Strephonage, completely unable to build any sort of passing rhythm.

ZENITH

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Chariots          10  8  0  2  21   9  +12  24
  2 Crisisbless             10  8  0  2  17   6  +11  24
  3 Brinemouth              10  6  3  1  28   8  +20  21
  4 AFC Treason             10  6  3  1  22   9  +13  21
  5 AFC Corvistone          10  6  2  2  15  13   +2  20
  6 North Laithland         10  6  1  3  18  13   +5  19
  7 Sabrefell Athletic      10  6  1  3  21  19   +2  19
  8 Sabrefell Moths         10  5  3  2  25   9  +16  18
  9 Coret Hawks             10  5  1  4  19  18   +1  16
 10 Southfell United        10  5  0  5  22  14   +8  15
 11 Vermillion Rage         10  5  0  5  22  16   +6  15
 12 Stahlburg City          10  4  2  4  10  10   +0  14
 13 Creed United            10  3  1  6  11  27  -16  10
 14 Parrhesia United        10  3  0  7  15  22   -7   9
 15 Newrook City            10  3  0  7  16  26  -10   9
 16 Starling                10  3  0  7   8  23  -15   9
 17 South Laithland         10  2  1  7  11  19   -8   7
 18 Chenoworth Harriers     10  2  1  7  11  20   -9   7
 19 Belgrave                10  2  1  7  14  29  -15   7
 20 Chenoworth Rovers       10  1  2  7  10  26  -16   5

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless United        10  8  1  1  18   6  +12  25
  2 Diamondqueen              10  8  1  1  15   8   +7  25
  3 Chatswood                 10  5  5  0  13   4   +9  20
  4 Goodfeather FC            10  6  2  2  15   9   +6  20
  5 Corvette Maulers          10  5  3  2  17  11   +6  18
  6 Leichhardt                10  5  2  3   7   3   +4  17
  7 Brookford Otters          10  4  5  1  16  15   +1  17
  8 Iron City                 10  5  1  4  11   8   +3  16
  9 Stahlburg Rovers          10  4  3  3  17  12   +5  15
 10 Raven River               10  3  6  1  12  11   +1  15
 11 Barossia United           10  4  1  5  10  12   -2  13
 12 Cranequin Wanderers       10  4  1  5   7   9   -2  13
 13 Vermillion Wanderers      10  3  2  5  10  10   +0  11
 14 Cypher Town               10  3  0  7  14  15   -1   9
 15 AFC Serpentine            10  2  3  5  14  18   -4   9
 16 Armstrong                 10  2  2  6   4  10   -6   8
 17 AFC Rochford              10  1  4  5   5  13   -8   7
 18 Mantlegrove               10  1  3  6   3   9   -6   6
 19 Corinthians No Longer     10  1  3  6   6  16  -10   6
 20 North Sabrefell           10  1  2  7   7  22  -15   5

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Morningstar              10  7  2  1  17   8   +9  23
  2 Greygate                 10  7  1  2  12   5   +7  22
  3 Locksley                 10  6  3  1  23   9  +14  21
  4 Aries Solitaire          10  7  0  3  19   9  +10  21
  5 Peregrine                10  5  3  2  19  10   +9  18
  6 Alliance Barossia        10  5  3  2  17   9   +8  18
  7 Cranequin City           10  5  2  3  11   8   +3  17
  8 Pillars of Southfell     10  4  3  3  12  11   +1  15
  9 Bishop                   10  4  2  4  21  18   +3  14
 10 Boltcroft Thorns         10  3  4  3  16  15   +1  13
 11 Latin Enclave FC         10  4  1  5  16  18   -2  13
 12 Chardonnay Rangers       10  3  3  4  12  15   -3  12
 13 The Strongest            10  3  2  5  22  20   +2  11
 14 Crisisbless Athletic     10  3  2  5  13  16   -3  11
 15 New Oakstone Phoenix     10  3  2  5  18  24   -6  11
 16 Gonen's Bridge           10  2  4  4  13  18   -5  10
 17 Falston United           10  3  1  6   6  18  -12  10
 18 West Brinemouth          10  2  2  6  10  17   -7   8
 19 Mapleford                10  2  1  7  11  22  -11   7
 20 Ritter Town              10  1  1  8   6  24  -18   4

Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

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