Piggy Party (issue proposal)

by **Sorianora** » Tue Nov 17, 2020 6:21 am

I am hoping to get an 8th draft done today, still looking for spelling mistakes, and grammatical issues.

by **Baloo Kingdom** » Tue Nov 17, 2020 6:36 am

Sorianora wrote:I am hoping to get an 8th draft done today, still looking for spelling mistakes, and grammatical issues.

I would recommend putting it through Grammarly

by **Sorianora** » Tue Nov 17, 2020 7:13 am

Baloo Kingdom wrote:
Sorianora wrote:I am hoping to get an 8th draft done today, still looking for spelling mistakes, and grammatical issues.

I would recommend putting it through Grammarly

Ah yes Grammerly, I’ll get that soon.

by **Baloo Kingdom** » Tue Nov 17, 2020 7:15 am

Sorianora wrote:
Baloo Kingdom wrote:I would recommend putting it through Grammarly

Ah yes Grammerly, I’ll get that soon.

I'm sure you've seen the numerous ads online, it's free, and I'm using it right now.

by **Sorianora** » Tue Nov 17, 2020 7:36 pm

Ah draft 7, I have used grammarly to fix it up a bit! /bumpity

by **Nooooooooooooooo** » Tue Nov 17, 2020 8:48 pm

Sorianora wrote:Ah draft 7, I have used grammarly to fix it up a bit! /bumpity

What parts did you put through Grammarly? I can still see some grammar/punctuation errors.

by **Sorianora** » Wed Nov 18, 2020 6:22 am

Nooooooooooooooo wrote:
Sorianora wrote:Ah draft 7, I have used grammarly to fix it up a bit! /bumpity

What parts did you put through Grammarly? I can still see some grammar/punctuation errors.

I put all of it through, but I didn’t pay for premium so that may be why.

by **Sorianora** » Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:24 am

I want to write another draft or two before I bring it to last call before submission

by **Sorianora** » Sat Nov 21, 2020 11:57 am

Ah this forum is pretty dead, bump (pls help meh)

by **Nooooooooooooooo** » Sat Nov 21, 2020 12:35 pm

Hold on I'll be right there

by **Electrum** » Mon Nov 23, 2020 6:18 am

First, the easy stuff. You've got to fix the grammar! Have a look at the spoilers thread to see how talking marks work in English. For example, instead of:

“@@LEADER@@ we must enforce a mandatory manners school for all citizens of @@NATION@@.” Suggests your Minister of Table Manners.

It should be:

“@@LEADER@@, we must enforce a mandatory manners school for all citizens of @@NATION@@," suggests your Minister of Table Manners.

Also, please dumbify your apostrophes and talking marks. Instead of using “ ” and ’, use " " and ' respectively. It just makes our jobs easier when we edit.

Now onto the harder stuff. Although the description is great, I think the premise is a bit off. This affects the options as well. The problem talks about you having a pig-headed ambassador. To me, the obvious solutions are either to fire them or keep them on and ensure that all ambassadors are trained in table manners. Nothing to do with enforcing a mandatory etiquette school for every single citizen. Option 4 seems like a bit too much of an extreme reaction and I don't really think its needed.

In saying these things, this draft just overlaps too much with #1064. Much of the themes are very similar, and the suggested solutions are similar. Instead of having rude tourists, it's a rude ambassador. I suggest finding a different idea, post it on the writer's block first for overlaps, then start writing a new draft! Good luck

Piggy Party (issue proposal)

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