by Empirical Switzerland » Tue Sep 15, 2020 1:20 pm
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Western Fardelshufflestein » Tue Sep 15, 2020 5:17 pm
The Western Fardelshufflestein Sentinel | 27 November 2022 bUt wHy iS tHE rUm gOnE!?
by Dollystana » Tue Sep 15, 2020 5:19 pm
the best book series Eat sleep read warriors repeat. Warriors Wiki
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Perikuresu wrote:All of mothers are hamsters and all of your fathers smelt like elderberries
by Free Ravensburg » Tue Sep 15, 2020 5:20 pm
INT:| Canada "Gives Up" on Hiding Aliens and UFOs/ NAT:| Ravenian Astronauts That Went on the EELOO Mission Report Seeing a Mass of "Squidlike Handlike Starships"
by Santa Selena » Tue Sep 15, 2020 5:27 pm
by Empirical Switzerland » Tue Sep 15, 2020 6:17 pm
Western Fardelshufflestein wrote:The cryptic invitation that had led Alastair to a cafe in an alternate version of Switzerland was, by his account, odd. The main reason he was here was because it had been addressed to him by a foreign leader, not because he had a pressing diplomatic appointment or a particular desire to confirm the existence of a supposed portal to Hell. Rather, it was because he had been personally invited to a non-governmental event.
His intelligence staff had confirmed that the invitation had indeed been sent by Lord Bodie as opposed to an impostor. Still, he was accompanied by a few bodyguards for safety reasons on the off chance that some violence-inclined weirdo sought to assail him. The aforementioned guards were especially ill at ease given the late local time and the unusual location, a state further exacerbated by Bodie's absence. Alastair had spoken to the man maybe once or twice in his diplomatic forays into the multiverse, but he was being cordial and was thus here.
The words on the invitation, which was in his right hand, struck him as humorous. He was not quite sure why. He might have been tipsy from the wine he had had at supper, but all he'd had was one glass...he was pretty certain.
""If this man does not turn up soon, I might have to march up to his residence and drag him over here, the ill-timed Swissman," he muttered, slurring his words slightly. "He at least owes me an explanation for this funny note. Who sets up a meeting to begin at this hour? Is't a Swiss custom?" He straightened his shoulders and heaved a sigh. "Someone please tell me what is going on...."
OOC: Broooooomaaaaannnccceeee!!!!!
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by New Carthagea » Tue Sep 15, 2020 6:43 pm
The Father Has Come: The Pope has started his 5 day visit to New Carthagea today in Phoenicia. He will meet HM The King later this day, and will address the joint session of the Parliament.
America Leaves Egypt! In a surprising turn of events, US President Biden has announced that he will be ordering the retreat of all American troops from American-occupied Egypt, says will work towards restoration of democracy.
by Western Fardelshufflestein » Tue Sep 15, 2020 7:02 pm
Empirical Switzerland wrote:Western Fardelshufflestein wrote:The cryptic invitation that had led Alastair to a cafe in an alternate version of Switzerland was, by his account, odd. The main reason he was here was because it had been addressed to him by a foreign leader, not because he had a pressing diplomatic appointment or a particular desire to confirm the existence of a supposed portal to Hell. Rather, it was because he had been personally invited to a non-governmental event.
His intelligence staff had confirmed that the invitation had indeed been sent by Lord Bodie as opposed to an impostor. Still, he was accompanied by a few bodyguards for safety reasons on the off chance that some violence-inclined weirdo sought to assail him. The aforementioned guards were especially ill at ease given the late local time and the unusual location, a state further exacerbated by Bodie's absence. Alastair had spoken to the man maybe once or twice in his diplomatic forays into the multiverse, but he was being cordial and was thus here.
The words on the invitation, which was in his right hand, struck him as humorous. He was not quite sure why. He might have been tipsy from the wine he had had at supper, but all he'd had was one glass...he was pretty certain.
""If this man does not turn up soon, I might have to march up to his residence and drag him over here, the ill-timed Swissman," he muttered, slurring his words slightly. "He at least owes me an explanation for this funny note. Who sets up a meeting to begin at this hour? Is't a Swiss custom?" He straightened his shoulders and heaved a sigh. "Someone please tell me what is going on...."
OOC: Broooooomaaaaannnccceeee!!!!!
*A man approaches Alastair in waiter clothes and says,* "please, right this way sir, if you don't mind." *he leads him to a table in the café, on the roof, with one seat across from him*
The Western Fardelshufflestein Sentinel | 27 November 2022 bUt wHy iS tHE rUm gOnE!?
by Empirical Switzerland » Tue Sep 15, 2020 7:05 pm
Western Fardelshufflestein wrote:Empirical Switzerland wrote:*A man approaches Alastair in waiter clothes and says,* "please, right this way sir, if you don't mind." *he leads him to a table in the café, on the roof, with one seat across from him*
Bemused, Alastair followed the Swiss man. He bit his tongue to hold back comments about chocolate and watches and neutrality. Such comments would be rude. The thoughts made him smirk nonetheless as he made his way to his destination, which, as it turned out, was a two-seater table that was presently unoccupied. It carried about it a romantic air that made Alastair feel slightly uncomfortable, for his wife was back home in New Hamletberg and he was in no way an adulterous person. Swiss custom, he reminded himself. Swiss custom.
He heard the entrails of an announcement drift upward from somewhere on the streets. Most of the message was unclear, but he caught "the King," "Alastair," "alcohol," and "New Carthaginian champagne."
Christophe is sending me champagne? Excellent. Generous, I meant generous.
Alastair sat down in the nearer of the two chairs, somewhat mindful of the fact that his pants were too tight. Well, nobody would notice that he'd gained some kilos over the past few months, but they would notice if he split his pants, and he really was not in the mood to do that again. This was a casual evening betwixt him and Lord Brodie...he thought? The invite had mentioned nothing about New Carthaginian champagne.
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Empirical Switzerland » Wed Sep 16, 2020 5:47 am
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Western Fardelshufflestein » Thu Sep 17, 2020 3:00 pm
The Western Fardelshufflestein Sentinel | 27 November 2022 bUt wHy iS tHE rUm gOnE!?
by Empirical Switzerland » Thu Sep 17, 2020 3:13 pm
Western Fardelshufflestein wrote:Something that jutted out from under the tablecloth caught Alastair's eye: the corner of an envelope. He removed the envelope from its hiding place and opened it clumsily. Squinting at the contents of the envelope, he struggled to make sense of what he was reading, for very few things were making sense to him at the moment.
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Empirical Switzerland » Sat Sep 19, 2020 12:20 pm
Empirical Switzerland wrote:Western Fardelshufflestein wrote:Something that jutted out from under the tablecloth caught Alastair's eye: the corner of an envelope. He removed the envelope from its hiding place and opened it clumsily. Squinting at the contents of the envelope, he struggled to make sense of what he was reading, for very few things were making sense to him at the moment.
The letter reads:
"
Dear King Alastair of Western Fardelshufflestein,
Welcome to Imperial Switzerland! We are pleased to have a Fardelshufflesteiner within our borders, and I, myself, am glad that you decided to come! Now, onto the business.
You must be VERY confused right now, and I don't blame you one bit. I just led you here, and you have no idea what's happening. Now, let me assure you, my intentions are in NO WAY malicious, so speculation as to if I am stealing your throne or such, may be tossed out the window. However, I have set you up on a little blind date. I am aware that you are married, but this is but a joke. So please enjoy and sit back! You will be seeing your date any moment now... Have fun, and don't get too spicy. I have been looking forward for you to finally get to go out on a date with this person, you two have had some interesting chemistry to say the least. So enjoy!
Sincerely, Lord Bodie of Switzerland."
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Western Fardelshufflestein » Sat Sep 19, 2020 4:36 pm
The Western Fardelshufflestein Sentinel | 27 November 2022 bUt wHy iS tHE rUm gOnE!?
by Empirical Switzerland » Sat Sep 19, 2020 4:40 pm
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Minskiev » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:06 pm
by Empirical Switzerland » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:14 pm
Minskiev wrote:“Mr. President! You have a...red letter, from Switzerland.” hollers Svetlana, Ivan’s secretary. “God damn it. Tell Bodie that I do NOT want to date him, for the last time.” He wipes his hands across his forehead, soothing his emerging headache. “It’s actually for you to meet up with him in New Bern, for...definitely non-romantic reasons.” Ivan looks up, reminiscing about vacation. Finally. Unlike TV says, it was not an easy job for Ivan. The chancellor election, the GRAIL war, everything! “Fine. I’ll pack my stuff. Cancel any appointments in the next week.” His secretary beams. “Aww, it has a heart sticker to keep it closed!” “Oh, for FU-“Swiss Alps, the Swiss Empire
Veeeeeerrrrrrrrrwwwwwwwwwooooooooohhhhhhhmmmmmmmm. The official Minskiev One Sukhoi-54 zips across the Swiss Alps. Mountains seem to be reaching up to poke a giant hole in the plane. Fortunately, clouds are trying to help out Ivan, sacrificing themselves. Kovalenko, the water bender. It’s official.
New Bern is coming up ahead. The plane nose tips down ever-so-slightly. Beep boop. Beep boop. “Lord Bodie on speaker. Hello?”
-
“DO A BARREL ROLL!!”
Boop beep. The pilot starts cackling as he twists the steering all the way to the left.
“No, no, no no no, NO!” Ivan yells, to no avail. The plane flips.
“Son of a BI-“New Bern, the Swiss Empire
Landing wheels popped out. Plane headed straight down runway. Plane curving slightly less down than before. 3. 2. 1. SKRRTT BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH SKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.
“Where to, Svet?” Ivan asks, fresh out of a secretly-Vodkvass-infused candied bacon tin.
“The River Aare!” “Aare?” “Aare! Aare you ready?” “No, this’ll be a Bbore.” “Stop it, I don’t Ccare.” “Off we go!”
*psst Ivan you’re supposed to end on a slur that we conveniently censor*
“Oh. NI-“
[this is a joke, he says nickel, we swear]Undisclosed Café, River Aare
Ivan spots Alastair in either a straitjacket, a wheelchair, or one of those medical beds they use in ambulances. You know the ones.
Dammit John, stop with the 4th wall breaks!
Sheesh. Sorry. Carry on.
[my name’s not actually John, that was just a placeholder]
WHAT DID I S-
“Alastair?! What are you doing here? What happened to you?!”
“T-the dementors. Th-they came after m-me. I-I’m sorry.” He proceeds to fake put a gun to his head.
Lord Bodie is standing, with a peculiarly white, large, and toothy smile. Like seriously, there’s too many teeth. It’s nuts.
“Hello, Ivan. We’ve been expecting you. Come, sit. Some wine, or perhaps champagne?”
“Don’t worry, I brought my own whisky. I will, however, take all the chocolate and cheese you have.”
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Empirical Switzerland » Sun Sep 20, 2020 1:55 pm
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Empirical Switzerland » Sun Sep 20, 2020 3:27 pm
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Western Fardelshufflestein » Sun Sep 20, 2020 3:31 pm
The Western Fardelshufflestein Sentinel | 27 November 2022 bUt wHy iS tHE rUm gOnE!?
by Empirical Switzerland » Sun Sep 20, 2020 3:34 pm
Western Fardelshufflestein wrote:Alastair blinked and rubbed his eyes. Standing before him was Ivan, which...it made no sense. And Ivan was calling him a string of nicknames that he had never been called before.
"I received an invita--no. No. Do not tell me this is happening." He shook his head. "Oh, Gott, Bodie, whhyyyyyyyyyy...."
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
by Minskiev » Mon Sep 21, 2020 8:49 am
Western Fardelshufflestein wrote:Alastair blinked and rubbed his eyes. Standing before him was Ivan, which...it made no sense. And Ivan was calling him a string of nicknames that he had never been called before.
"I received an invita--no. No. Do not tell me this is happening." He shook his head. "Oh, Gott, Bodie, whhyyyyyyyyyy...."
by Empirical Switzerland » Mon Sep 21, 2020 3:40 pm
News: Swiss Man uses 'Fonduethrower' on cow test-subject, lethality confirmed, Priest gets drunk on Blood of Christ, claims he just couldn't handle the Jesusness, and War with Tupeia deemed 'inevitable'.
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