Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **Nephara** » Fri May 15, 2020 5:30 pm

New graphic by our designer friends at DONNACONNA
Season 76 Preview

by **Nephara** » Fri May 15, 2020 5:32 pm

by **Nephara** » Fri May 15, 2020 5:33 pm

by **Nephara** » Fri May 15, 2020 5:33 pm

First Division Preview

by **Nephara** » Fri May 15, 2020 5:34 pm

Second Division Preview

1. Morningstar
Colours Black and pink
Nickname the Warriors
Manager Serra Chilton (45)
Key Players Jakob Carter (GK, 35), Catra Paderborn (GK, 22), Barak Strauss (RB, 32), Andros Hertzka (CB, 34), Karl Linstead (CB, 31), Lewyn Harnwell (LB, 32), Leila Chaseling (RM, 23), Leo Rosenstiel (CM, 31), Coridan Ryder (CM, 28), Thanasi Holland (LM, 30), Dionysius Lyritzis (ST, 31), Roxanna Strong (ST, 27)
Summary The Warriors should never have gone down in the first place. The team's been stocked with veterans to try and force it back up, with the likes of Lyritzis and Rosenstiel dropping down a level to join them as short-term solutions. They might have some trouble reclaiming their traditional physicality, but should ease through with sheer quality.

2. Greygate
Colours Grey and red
Nickname the Wardens
Manager Pavel Stenhouse (49)
Key Players Erin Naylor (GK, 30), Jari Ricketts (RB, 33), Rostyn Malick (CB, 34), Andrey Mincham (CB, 29), Merric Cooper (RM, 23), Gareth Temple (CM, 31), Matthew Rawson (CM, 29), Jadzia Starmer (LM, 24), Constance Strober (ST, 33), Klaus Petriak (ST, 32), Brandon Mkrtchyan (ST, 20, ISK)
Summary The Wardens look to be making a serious push for promotion. Investment has been aggressive after the horrors of last season, and there's a freshness and ambition that wasn't there before. Petriak finally has a worthy strike partner in young Mkrt... Mrkc... in the Iskandrian youth.

3. Peregrine
Colours Green and white
Nickname the Falconers
Manager Rebecca Kelsey (46)
Key Players Connor Risdon (GK, 34), Brindle Taukroger (RB, 29), Providence Mensah (CB, 31), Avram Beyard (CB, 30), Avis Montagne (LB, 25, CMT), Stefi Unbehaun (DM, 32), Adelaide Casimir (DM, 19, ISK), Loftus Fitford (CM, 23), Leon Rinehart (RW, 32), Fabiola Brookes-Qureshi (RW, 33, EFL), Lorcan Peck (AM, 34, ETN), Jasper Dyer (LW, 32), Sylvia Janik (ST, 31, GLX)
Summary The Falconers have come along strong in the offseason, making a number of youthful signings to shove the has-beens further to the side; though the likes of Risdon, Unbehaun and Peck are expected to remain key performers, expect a successful vibrant assault.

4. Aries Solitaire
Colours White and black
Nickname Solitaire
Manager Katrina Wheelhouse (46)
Key Players Alexandru Zaparas (GK, 35), Franzi Brill (RB, 28), Amelia Breukelen (CB, 32, IRN), Sofia Tatra (CM, 31), Yolanda Sparrow (CM, 27), Sirena Va'Drevu (ST, 35, COS), Claire Mordhau (ST, 23)
Summary Wheelhouse oversaw the revival of another listing season, and the emergency of Rook Timekeeper. He's gone, but the money's been used well; now, Solitaire absolutely need results.

5. Alliance Barossia
Colours Green and white
Nickname Alliance
Manager Rachael Schroeder (46)
Key Players Dimitri Rashad (RB, 25, ISK), Woodloe Cash (CB, 33, BSE), Jancis Hearn (CB, 28), Szalai Fowler (RM, 20), Imogen Jeweler (CM, 34), Antony Stamp (CM, 34), Aldous Moore (CM, 29), Rinat Stubbs (LM, 31), Matthew Chance (ST, 27)
Summary Alliance emerge from a disappointing relegation short of some key players, but the nucleus of the team remains. One suspects, however, that it needs a true star.

6. West Brinemouth
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Gulls
Manager Marko Gaston (47)
Key Players Ingrid Moore (GK, 24), Arminia Margate (RB, 23), Tomas Castanon (CB, 30, AUD), Niadra Anneaux (CB, 25, CMT), Joan Casemere (LB, 33), Adelard Chambers (CM, 32), Laegjarn Martyn (CM, 31), Diana Lake (AM, 33), Ferran Guegan (ST, 28, AUD)
Summary After a feckless and inefficient campaign, deeply disappointing from start to finish, the Gulls need to rebuild. So far they've shoved a lot of dead wood out the door but without getting the replacements needed to challenge seriously for promotion again.

7. Riverkey
Colours White and purple
Nickname the Seagulls
Manager Janus Gligor (48)
Key Players Ruth Jesper (RB, 30), Terelius Giovinazzo (CB, 32, AUD), Sven Gillard (CM, 22), Lowen Barr (LM, 30), Cornelian Stryger (ST, 28), Radja Martelbach (ST, 27)
Summary Last season was a horror-show for Seagulls, but they're determined to get back to winning ways. A full overhaul has revitalised the side's potential.

8. Hackett
Colours Red and white
Nickname the Merry Boys
Manager Yorick Lee (48)
Key Players Darroll Kewell (GK, 33, EFL), Nicola Wrexham (RB, 31), Wanya Belsky (CB, 31, AUD), Roderick Munoz (CB, 31, ETN), Connor Wettin (LB, 26), Arran Grey (CM, 30), Viktor Key (CM, 29), Simeon Lucan (RW, 33), Frey Sylvine (ST, 33), Marnus Sutton (ST, 23), Drusilla Moxey (LW, 32), Felix Luthier (LW, 21)
Summary Following the theme, the Merry Boys are yet another side who look to be in a good position to take advantage of the general lack of clarity at the top and the shitness of those relegated. The side is solid, but lacks a certain creative edge.

9. Locksley
Colours Burgundy and white
Nickname the Brewers
Manager Corren Meadows (44)
Key Players Jade Chorus (GK, 26), Anyta Parkes (RB, 27), Stavroula Portokalos (CB, 33), Christian Ledger (LB, 34), Natasa Rotival (LB, 30), Athana Finchcleft (RM, 34), Jasmine Colindon (CM, 33), Reno Stubbs (CM, 24), Lukas Fernwood (LM, 33), Marika Kreisburg (ST, 36), Carver Heaton (ST, 28), Petra Rubesch (ST, 22)
Summary A geriatric side came to pieces in the second tier, and look a shadow of the side that achieved promotion in the first place. Still, at least for now, direct football with veterans at either end can do a job at 2Div standard.

10. Ritter Town
Colours White and orange
Nickname the Stallions
Manager Pernille Raphael (48)
Key Players Jasper Kirkland (GK, 31), Harald Reuser (RB, 33), Ulrich Braun (CB, 26), Odo Vorstead (CB, 24), Lesedi Maina (LB, 29, FPT), Augustine Yew (RM, 31), Cosette Espeleta (CM, 34), Garrett Fairbank (CM, 26), Catheline Blissett (LM, 24), Morten Crestwell (ST, 34), Ganimedes (ST, 34, DAI), Tania Brummer (ST, 22)
Summary The last chance for an aging generation to return to the relatively big stage, but maybe that isn't happening. The Stallions are, like many, in a transitional period, but are taking it slow and gradual; they have a good balance this year.

11. AFC Shale
Colours Jade and navy
Nickname the Grafters
Manager Jasper Harlin (55)
Key Players Vicki Bassett (GK, 31), Olivia Ryghseter (RB, 30), Barry Inkster (CB, 28), Inka Brashell (CB, 24), Marc Fenton (LB, 32), Sigmar Ward (DM, 33), Cheney Corder (RM, 33), Karel Jaffe (CM, 33), Artur Litton (LM, 31), Bernhard Duisberg (ST, 32)
Summary A truly heroic performance last season saw the Grafters, well, graft their way to the edge of promotion. That might not be their natural level, but after some clever transfers - Sigmar Ward a particular coup - they look harder to break down than ever.

12. Stonegrave
Colours Sky and black
Nickname the Diggers
Manager Alysia Garrett (55)
Key Players Pamela Flush (GK, 25), Maximian Trent (CB, 33), Verdigris Kennet (LB, 32), Ira Dovaston (DM, 29), Celeste Colton (CM, 33), Micah Horner (CM, 30), Erika Stenlein (CM, 20), Stefan Curtiz (LM, 21), Chloe Lehrer (ST, 31)
Summary The Diggers remain a tough side in need of an X-Factor; Perilous Whiteside has proven an irreplaceable talent. Horner is a good player, not a solution. They'll have to 'dig' themselves out of this rut.

13. Falston United
Colours White and black
Nickname the Eels
Manager Alaric Jansen (48)
Key Players Rasmus Garrick (GK, 26, CYI), Sapphire Riverhound (RB, 33), Sherry Brosnan (CB, 22, CYI), Casper Slate (LB, 24), Raphael Passlach (CM, 31), Cornucopia Younis (AM, 34), Esther Fortune (ST, 32, CYI), Drea Bouman (LW, 22, CYI)
Summary Despite last season's relative misery, Falston United are determined to make their way up the table. Another year should help their young side get to grips with the level, and the pipeline from the CSL is working strong.

14. Extreme Hills
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Hounds
Manager Jess Hearn (45)
Key Players Julian Alderweiss (GK, 31), Stefan Oughtred (RB, 29), Arthur Levitt (CB, 33, ETN), Magdalena Spiro (LB, 31), Gavin Handspiker (CM, 32), Stefan Ermine (LM, 29), Nori Harcutt (ST, 32), Ivor Roxham (ST, 31), Asli Crowe (ST, 21)
Summary After an electrifying first thirty matches - that's a season in Brenecia - Hills crashed down to earth, winning just a quarter of the last 16 matches. They showed the potential to go further, and perhaps the worst is over.

15. The Hanged Man
Colours Red and black
Nickname THM
Manager Warren Orwell (61)
Key Players Olivia Selkie (GK, 36), Marcel Evans (RB, 31), Mia Geoghan (CB, 32), Ranulf Gatcan (CB, 31), Lithe Bronwyne (LB, 32), Merope Spyropoulos (DM, 24), Nikola Stavros (RM, 23), Callum Chandler (CM, 34), Fotoula Madonis (CM, 33), Jackie Mulberry (LM, 33), Jonas Busch (ST, 33)
Summary Warren Orwell reigns as manager of the season after masterminding a brilliant season for THM, but the fact remains; they're old, and getting older. Perhaps success bred feet of clay, as few moves were made in the offseason.

16. Autumnstone
Colours Red and yellow
Nickname the Archers
Manager Kurtis Mallory (55)
Key Players Amelia Canady (RB, 33), Barst Huebner (CB, 30), Andrea Mavrias (CB, 22), Tess Pell (RW, 34), Evander Trueman (ST, 24)
Summary Punched well above their weight to really establish themselves in the Second Division. They've given themselves a platform to build off, and the experienced right flank combines well with the rest of a youthful side.

17. Boltcroft Thorns
Colours Green and black
Nickname the Thorns
Manager Miron Campbell (52)
Key Players Baltasar Gensch (GK, 35), Henrik Raubell (RB, 34), Gary Boatman (CB, 34), Anders Haskell (LM, 26), Sigrid Blaxland (ST, 24)
Summary The Thorns consolidated and were happy enough to manage that, but losing talismanic youth Exene Fletcher is a blow. Still, they look a better-balanced outfit now.

18. Gosmouth Swans
Colours White and blue
Nickname the Swans
Manager Lukas Farrell (51)
Key Players Dalibor Redcliff (GK, 24), Alanna Clemens (CB, 27), Ygor Raspas (LB, 31), Hilda Stannion (CM, 34), Hawke Ziegenhorn (ST, 27, CEN)
Summary Spent the season in serious trouble; Ziegenhorn managed just twelve goals, far fewer than his potential would allow for. And the defence was a trainwreck. They've invested in their survival.

19. Sheridan
Colours Green and orange
Nickname Sherries
Manager Henna Morgan (42)
Key Players Marget Veld (GK, 24), Claudia Solwood (RB, 33), Sigurd Cooke (CB, 21), Gerwyn Clarke (CM, 33), Aris Daskalakis (ST, 31)
Summary Sherries are back! The freefall has been successfully arrested, and now a number of experienced veterans merely enhance a youthful, violent side.

20. Ballardine FC
Colours Purple and white
Nickname the Harpers
Manager Lyn Havelock (52)
Key Players Dion Pearce (RB, 23), Gabriel Bragg (CB, 25), Matthias Vasquez (RW, 27), Tigran Montague (AM, 27, ISK), Melody Forster (ST, 28)
Summary Pulled away from the relegation fight near the end, but Forster was allowed to score far too many of the team's goals. She got a substantial pay raise, but that left other reinforcements limited.

21. Coret Rovers
Colours Blue and white
Nickname the Rovers
Manager Valery Cain (45)
Key Players Brandon Fallowland (GK, 28), Caleb Fisher (RB, 23), Dave Chenoweth (CB, 33), Robyn Cormack (CB, 25), Barrett Routledge (LB, 33), Alastair Spinnett (RM, 31), Bosko Roman (DM, 33, IRN), Erik Paston (CM, 29), Luther Spendthrift (LM, 32), Haroun Maynard (ST, 29)
Summary Valery Cain clings to her job as the floor nearly came out from underneath the Rovers. As is the club's tradition, they're clinging to the firepower of Haroun Maynard to keep them safe, and were relieved to keep him.

22. Rochford Pilgrims
Colours Jade and black
Nickname the Pilgrims
Manager Andre Sandford (51)
Key Players Carmilla Bowen (CB, 24), Noah Wyclif (LB, 27), Rudi Thurman (RM, 33), Constance Jameson (CM, 23), Narcissa Barnes (LM, 26)
Summary The Pilgrims have been seen as favourites for promotion for ages but only just managed it. Solid in parts, but they lack quality at either end.

23. Mapleford
Colours
Nickname the Bantams
Manager
Key Players Georgia Hoffman (GK, 24), Delilah Stamatopolous (CB, 26), Genevieve Taylor (LB, 31), Annika Miller (DM, 20), Michael Chiscott (CM, 26), Coraline Langbauer (ST, 34)
Summary On paper, Langbauer alone should fire the Bantams to safety, but it's rarely that simple in practice. Eyes are on Parrhesia loanee Miller to hit the ground running; without her, the defence looks vulnerable.

24. Brokenarch
Colours Rust and bone
Nickname the Golems
Manager
Key Players Onef Haessler (GK, 25), Alex Levine (LB, 22), Rook Trestleman (DM, 33), Olivia Ingolitsch (RM, 23), Meredith Lincoln (ST, 23)
Summary Did well last season, but investment has been limited and they look too similar to the side that were recently relegated.

by **Nephara** » Wed May 20, 2020 3:40 am

Football. Is. Back. The first of forty-six matchdays, and it kicks off in fine form. Vermillion Wanderers haven’t been here in a while, and they put on a fine show at the Eagles’ Club. With power and intensity, they press the Dockers all across the pitch, midfield destroyer Franziska Corren on a one-player mission to give rue Cazade a good old-fashioned Nepharan welcome to the league. The Wanderers should take the lead when Steele, under pressure, gets flattened by Kruger, who unsteadily cuts the ball back for Istria Saara to shoot, point-blank, into the body of Ryan Bull. Saara goes one better in the 41st minute, a diving header converting a cross from Chantal Kalevi, and Brinemouth’s passes just aren’t sticking, Gareth Blackthorn left to shake his head as the half-time whistle blows. But it can’t last. It doesn’t last. The second half is the Farago rue Cazade Show, starting the moment that a loose challenge from Corren gives her a belated yellow card. That forces her to lay off; that lets rue Cazade thrive, twice rattling shots past Randwick from outside the box with an almost casual ease before setting up fellow superstar Tidesson for a third that proves decisive when Catric Pinnon laces a free kick into the top corner in injury time. The Wanderers haven’t quite got on the points, but in an unforgiving draw, they’ve acquitted themselves well.

Stahlburg Rovers, who notably set a record for being terrible at the start of their last Premiership season, get off to a flier in east Sabrefell with a 2-1 win over the Chariots. Grey Holden’s hosts look disjointed, aimless in their pressing, just not quite functioning. They still take an early lead, Alexandra Lazarou leading two, eventually three markers a merry dance before playing overlapping rightback Ashcroft into her vacated space, the defender with a scrappy finish past Gilzean. But the Rovers are exceptional, and Karla Sebring strikes the first goal on her Premiership debut cutting inside Law and striking across Senninger before Monika Talay sets up Radcliffe for a late winner. There is absolutely no intrigue for Chenoworth Rovers, who lay down a marker by absolutely battering Chatswood 3-0. “I hope that answers any fool questions about relegation,” gruffs Chris Waller after the match. One game in! Starling choke on a hard-won 2-0 lead over North Laithland, Eastfielder winger Jewell Foley with a star turn and two assists, while defending champions Crisisbless stall against Leichhardt, Germain getting off the mark early but missing a gilt-edged chance to make it two, Ernie Stevenson making them pay for it with an ungainly scissor-kick.

The First Division returns in a flurry of goals, and canny Roanna Murin races to the top of the scoring charts with a hat-trick on debut for Gonen’s Bridge, clawing back an early deficit to help beat a River side that resolutely fail to mark her at any point. Step forward, River manager Eoin Killanen; “We scored four goals.” Sorry? He leans forward, into the mic. “We scored four goals. No game where you score four goals away from home is a bad game.” Parrhesia certainly didn’t have a bad game; they cantered easily to victory against a truly dreadful Corvette. Three goals in the first half just from passing through the Maulers’ porous defence, before in the second half a shoot-on-sight policy sees Moisander, Mueller and teenager Sanger Linn all ratchet up goals to finish a 6-0 win. Obasi, apparently, would’ve liked the Maulers “to test [goalkeeper] Laisne more.” Cypher are the final team eviscerated, Dan Keel watching grimly as Goodfeather pass through his disciplined back line like it’s not even there and as his Eagles utterly go to pieces trying to take back the lead.

The Sabrefell derby is one of those matches that demands to dominate the conversation. Will the former capital turn red or green? Will the superior football doctrine be the western urchins, whores and sewer-rats, or the spartan war criminals of the east? A prime time is chosen to be broadcast across the world and then it all turns a bit, well, early-50s. It starts to rain. Since when does it rain in Nephara? That does mean the glorious sight is seen of Tawny Shone skidding gloriously into two-footed challenges, but the day belongs to Athletic. Oscar Coltrane alone seems to keep his head amidst the brawls and scuffles elsewhere, carrying himself with quiet Euran dignity, gliding away from Shone - there she goes! - before arcing up the body, and then that moment of recognition in the eyes of Brabanzon that no, she isn’t going to be able to do anything about this, but she makes the token effort of raising a thigh in defence as Coltrane’s strike bends over her and beyond his countryman Robert Griffin. Tom Whittaker, yet another Euran, becomes an early favourite for the Moths when a crap attempt to dive for a late penalty results in a second yellow card - the first had been for kicking a loose ball into Isusi’s crotch after the whistle had blown. Just one goal, but plenty to talk about.

It’s arguably not the biggest ticket in town, on paper, but the other battle of titans is a similarly muted affair. Treason and Crisisbless circle, guarded, around one another, before a single moment of inspiration from McInnes sets up the understated Mikkel Jonsson to rifle home unmarked and overlooked from the corner of the box. Coret Hawks debut a bizarre brown and gold third kit to avoid a clash with Leichhardt, one that quickly becomes dubbed ‘the bruised banana’ on twii.tur; while the players are impervious to the memes on the pitch, they are evidently shocked by the poor sartorial choice and lose 3-2. The promoted Rovers face off, and unsurprisingly it is Chenoworth who are better at football in every respect; Brayden Custworth gets his first Premiership goal, unmarked, rifling a far-post shot off the crossbar that rebounds fortunately to smack him in the face and bounce into the net. Koerner’s goal in the second half is nice, but it’s not the one that goes viral. The other Stahlburg unleash beast mode, new striker Lewis Phoenix roaring into form with a brace in a 4-0 hammering of Newrook.

On early form, the Saints are the team to beat this season. Chardonnay present a difficult opponent on paper, but wind up with just 28% possession, and that squandered lumping it forward to the waiting heads of centre-halves Ystrad and Vuurmeier. Laisne is yet to make a save in his first two games at the club, while at the other end, the Saints smash five past the beleagured Edmond. River edge out the ‘friendly derby’ against sister club Diamondqueen, a cutting through-ball from Moonshine backheeled by Gjasula for Nikita Crowe, sliding and skidding in the faint rain, to hook just narrowly beyond Keller. Selina Carver keeps their noses in front late on, Marduk Schmetzer seeing her off her line and going for a chip over her head, but the young goalkeeper backpedals and then goes flying, an iron wrist flicking the ball narrowly over the top of the bar with a spectacular effort. Carver stays on the ground in a bundle of limbs for some time. She’s earned it.

Newrook City have endured a torrid beginning to the season, conceding four goals in each of their first two games. But there’s something of a carnival atmosphere in the air, Gareth Penrooke awaiting the arrival of his hometown club, the Moths. The Moths who haven’t won yet. Can the Rooks turn it around? The Rooks cannot turn it around. Oh dear. 2-0 down within the first twenty minutes, goals from Cathal Turner and Imriel Townsend taken neatly into the corners, before Ronan Fallon makes the amazing decision to go flying in on Swansea Reach as she turns away. She gets a stretcher, he gets a red, and Reach’s replacement, Strausz, makes it three with her first touch of the match from the free kick that results, floating over everyone’s head and past a flat-footed Iarrow, blinding herself with her own wall placement. The Rooks do get one back on the stroke of half-time, Rozier forcing Griffin into a scrambling save that Tom Duffy finds his way onto the end of to bundle home, jogging diffidently back towards the halfway line. The Rooks do well in the second half, by the standards of ten players against eleven much better players; they still concede twice more. “Last time you’ll be seeing some of that lot,” Penrooke says coolly after the debacle. Thoughts and prayers for Fallon, Windtide and perhaps the overawed Soeringer.

Crisisbless United and Southfell put on a decent show of flair and attacking football in the first half, rattling away two goals apiece; one from 20-year old winger Minerva Swanmore is truly spectacular, blazing through two markers with blistering pace, putting Sergei Evans on his backside and lofting a clever finish over Ursula Gavaris. But the second half becomes the Lyzolda Petrov show, last season’s sensation picking back up where she left off. A near-post header from Anselm’s cross, an ever so slight deflection to guide home a strike from Forestier that Meixner would have had covered… and then Forestier gets bundled over in the box. Of course you will have the chance to make it three… but she diffidently rolls the ball into the bottom corner with her left, sending Meixner the wrong way to seal a perfect hat-trick. Crisisbless implausibly remain winless as Stahlburg City cancel them out in a 1-1 stalemate, City destroyer Kresimir Brujah celebrating it like a win in true heel fashion, while Cranequin Wanderers’ striker Koellner is denied his first goal and what should have been a winner over Stahlburg Rovers when his thumping half-volley is blocked by… his teammate, Foray. He didn’t have to deal with this back at Brinemouth...

The day of the 4-0! Four such scorelines, aptly, crop up, all with something to say. The Strongest get pulped by Cypher, who have now recouped their GD deficit from the first day; Janna Sauthier and Andrea Bereveskos were finally given time to combine down the right side of the Eagles’ midfield, and the results were terrifying against permissive opposition. Brookford were found badly wanting against North Sabrefell, just not showing up, not given the space their young forwards need to thrive in. Lothar Zander kicking Monica Bairstow whenever it looked like she was going to do something was also key. Goodfeather continue to fire full-throttle against a Rochford side starting the season poorly, while the ex-Corinthians make up for their recent pulverisation by taking out their frustrations on a truly hopeless Dartmouth, who don’t even mount a shot on target. Parrhesia almost join the party, but Bishop punch them in the teeth to make it 4-1 late on; despite being controlled all game, Isla Leskosek comes off the bench and winds up stabbing home at the far post from Zender, and in so doing ensure that Laisne still hasn’t made a save. Until now, hasn’t had a save to make, and there wasn’t much to do about that.

Some days you really do just have to look for the biggest scoreline and talk about it. Belgrave and Aries Chariots currently represent the entire rest of Sabrefell - it’s lonely, with the Bohemians, River and Diamondqueen out of the running - and they’re both sure to bring goals to the party. Well… maybe not the Chariots. They’ve been more cautious under Grey Holden, more measured, though still clinical where it counts. But then, Belgrave don’t leave them any alternative but to attack in the 32nd minute, a swerving strike from Sloan against the crossbar, rebound coming to Russett who hooks it back across the face of goal, Strand sliding between two markers to nudge home the opener. So, alright, then. Seamster’s piledriver levels the scores just four minutes later before Mariza Selke does the hard work to set up Walsh for a tap-in; that’s 2-1 by half-time, and then the party really starts. Ashcroft gets in on the action with somehow her second goal of the second, a diffident little chip over Tristram with a striker’s precision, before Belgrave native Lazarou slams home the Chariots’ fourth - no celebration, good lass - and sets up Ivana Tokich, who only just arrived on the scene, for five. Casey Steward pulls one back in an oddly ferocious final ten minutes, with Strand and Katsura also coming close, but the day is very decisively Aries’.

Vermillion Wanderers finally get their first Premiership point in however many years, but they’ll be wistful it wasn’t more. In injury time, Chantal Kalevi has the ball and surely has to just put it into the corner and keep it there, and doesn’t, and while she forces Hartmuth into a decent save, he hoofs the ball down the now-exposed Vermillion left. The impetuous teenager Conrad picks up possession, lofts in a cross, Bergander chests it down to set up Michail to belt a strike straight at Randwick but with enough power to get past his hands. At least Kalevi looks embarrassed about it. The Treason derby is a straightforward spectacle, Chatswood lacking anything apart from dirtiness. They threatened far more injury than goal, and when Uster slots home her first goal for her new club in the 29th minute, the result is never in doubt. Crisisbless finally get their first win of the season when Maia Abylon bursts into space and finds the bottom corner in the 89th minute, while Vermillion Rage beat Brinemouth after Traudl Mrdja slips by four markers before setting up a gilt-edged opportunity for Ramona Porter, unmarked at the far post. She isn’t a natural goalscorer, but she can’t screw this one up - though her strike still skims the inside of the post on its way past the sprawling Bull.

Parrhesia and Goodfeather meet, the form teams of the competition; three wins from three, with GF-GA reading 15-1 and 11-0. Slack marking from a corner allows Saints’ satyr, Vuurmeier, to smash home the opener at the near post. Anya Beraht, in goal for the Quakers, is unimpressed, but she has nowhere to hide for the second when Parrhesia’ intense pressing from the front unsettles them, and her, into scuffing a pass straight to Reus’ feet. The Cosumarite takes a first-time shot, slamming it against the post. No matter; Fohler’s there to stab the rebound into an empty net. The Quakers have the better of the second half, though the Saints play cautious and eager to spring on the counter, which nearly gets them a couple of times. An impudent disguised through-ball from Mizumaru wrongfoots the entire Parrhesia defence in playing Godwin through to stroke home, and Braugher draws credible shouts for a late penalty, but a tight Parrhesia win feels correct and deserved. And now Laisne has four saves to his name!

Two teams have yet to get a point so far this season; Crisisbless United and Newrook City. For United, the fear is that years of being a selling club have caught up, but Tim Maitfield continues to preach calm. He’s evidently already started looking for solutions, though, as Casimir Ronayne takes over for the immobile veteran Kaelin at left wing. It is he who will lay on the first goal of the game, outmuscling Soeringer and sending her sprawling before a cutback finds Danica Marshall racing through the midfield traffic to drive a forceful shot past Iarrow. But it is the Rooks who are destined to win, Penrooke giving Windtide another chance and being vindicated by an assured defensive performance, young Cassius Swibel stepping up admirably in defensive midfield, and second-half goals from Constantine and Bronson overturn the deficit. Late on, Kohler goes for a risky challenge on Swanmore and takes her down inside the box - United penalty? United penalty! But not to worry; Antelmi goes for pure power, and Iarrow stands and watches it go overhead and over the bar.

Vermillion Wanderers host the Rage with a point to prove. Yet again, they lead until the dying moments… and then choke it away, Claudia Bohr switching off at the decisive moment as Fleetwood plays Heward past her, Heward dragging the ball casually past Randwick once he commits. Cranequin Wanderers go up 2-0 against the Chariots in the first half-hour and defend it with their lives, even more fiercely when Shona Butcher picks up her marching orders for a vicious challenge on Selke in the 40th. Just after the interval, Lazarou finds a goal from nowhere to pull one back, but the second doesn’t come. Not even a Sisyphean run from Sierra can stop it, as she glides past Stoeva, cuts inside the wrong-footed Stoeva and can only fire into the thigh of the covering final defender Musgrave, stumbling over her prostrate body before running headlong into goalkeeper Matheny as he collects. Southfell ram the Harriers into the dumpster, Lyzolda Petrov with another brace in a 5-1 win as Arysa Hensser shows off her game-management chops from a holding midfield role, Treason put five unanswered goals past Rook Gilzean, while Hadrian Belfast waves merrily at the Sabrefell Athletic ultras before his Crows put them to the sword in a decisive 2-0 win.

Pillars of Southfell and Crisisbless Athletic have both struggled mightily to get on the scoresheet this season, and this trend… well, it ends for one of them. After a measured first-half ending 1-0 to Pillars, Ulrica Rannon suddenly goes full beast mode for the Seekers, twice thumping shots into the top corner from distance before an insolent flick of the outside of the right plays Ishtar in behind everyone for the Chromatik to slot between a startled Qatintiki’s feet. All Athletic have to show for it is the minor statisically novelty of one A. Miller assisting the other for the goal - Amethyst’s cutback, Aljoscha’s thumping finish. The first ever Creed derby in the league sees the Oathmen smack their rivals down to the curb with an almost disdainful 3-0 win. The ex-Corinthians go in hard, but they almost want it too much; more composed, Creed simply play smarter in the tight spaces, Delphi Barbarouses running the show.

Derby day in Stahlburg! City are flying high at the top, and new striker Lewis Phoenix has hit the ground running. The Rovers are not. Doing better than they did last time around, but that really isn’t saying much of anything. Four minutes in, the crowd are wild for blood; a free kick’s gone in to nowhere and Aurelie Henry’s been hauled down by the guileless Macellan. Penalty for the Smiths, Phoenix steps up full of form and confidence… the penalty is struck with confidence, but at a comfortable height. You wouldn’t blink twice at it if Gilzean had gone the wrong way, but he bats it away with both hands. You’d think that would put a stutter in City’s step, and for a while it does; the Rovers have the better of the rest of the first half, singing Prant-Telew’s palms a couple times, Corona Sharpe missing a chance she should’ve buried. They will be made to regret it; the Smiths come out cantering in the second half, and goals from Brujah, Henry and the redeemed Phoenix pull back a commanding lead. “It’s nice to see the old order restored,” says Smiths captain Ellen Mifsud, talking a lot of shit for someone who hasn’t actually been on the pitch so far this season.

The Crisisbless derby is not the best opportunity for the Chequers to finally get a point, but they go for it gamely regardless. Their pressing hits the Heelers, puts them off their game. Woakes is marked out of the game by countryman Garner. Tanith Carter strikes first, but is fractionally offside. For all that? Quality shines, cream rises to the top. And Kurtis Laiota can always come off the bench, drag Natalia Dreider out of position with his shoulder and free a path for Quintero to run in, catch a neat pass from Kastriot before it gets underfoot and drag the winner past Meixner. Sabrefell Athletic absolutely leather the Harriers, who sink to a pitiful 7-0 defeat. Harriers manager Snowy Brennan prowls the touchline, stroking her jawline, frowning, grimacing. Lionel Dalton injures himself trying to tackle Xixi Ens. Creaking veteran defender Medea Tsicaderis comes on in the 60th minute and does her best statue impression as Westerveld runs past her time and again. Matthews, in goal, is shit. Coret flare into life when Latona Basilisk’s second-half brace buries North Laithland, while a strong performance from the Rooks manages to hold mighty Corvistone to a point.

Sometimes a match-up is just a deeply, deeply unfavourable one. Bishop, agile and creative in attacking midfield but vulnerable in the double pivot, were always going to find a visit to Diamondqueen slim pickings. So it proves; the Diamonds just aren’t interested in coughing up the ball, thank you very much. It doesn’t help that Frey Strom doesn’t have one of his most reassuring days in goal; a couple strikes from Willow Creek and Hestia Bowman find their way into the corners with nothing more than Strom nudging them on their merry way. 5-0 isn’t precisely a fair reflection, but it’s a statement of intent regardless. North Sabrefell lose out to Armstrong 1-0, a dull game with centre-half Giatrakis heading the only goal home through a corner. Bohemians manager Mezei Orban decries the Paladins as not only bad at football, but “morally bankrupt.” Crisisbless Athletic and Barossia United grind out a dull scoreless draw, notable only for one thing; it’s already Barossia’s fifth.

Brinemouth vs. Athletic is set to be a festival of football, but matches between Nepharan titans are often curiously underwhelming. Not this time, though. This time, marketing shills it as the battle of the Farfish forwards, hot commodities Ens and rue Cazade - leave aside that Ens ‘just’ has the one goal this season, and that rue Cazade has struggled to find his feet, or else the system has struggled to find its feet around him. Franz Kesteren, with a third rue Cazade’s talent, was a runner and a brawler and a fighter. Rue Cazade will never be that, but it’s okay. Even after he loses Coltrane - how exactly do you lose Coltrane? He’s geriatric - for the first goal, letting him just easily slide Tarala through trouble. It’s fine. He makes up for it, and more, in the second half - skipping past Dominique and Westerveld like they aren’t there and rifling a shot between Reinhardt’s feet and into the bottom corner. Minutes afterwards, after Isusi is bogged down and dispossessed, Brinemouth rightback Spencer guns it forward, overlaps Tidesson and cuts a ball down the edge of the Athletic area. rue Cazade, at the perfect moment, arcs up to shoot… and steps over it. Otalia Kasmiir, following up, smashes home from distance with pure, pure power. But Athletic aren’t done yet, and Ryan Bull is tested firmly. It’s injury time, the dying minutes. A strike from Isusi, tipped onto the inside of the crossbar by Bull! It bounces just the fair side of the goalline, but Ens hurls himself at the rebound, even as Ilyana Brosch tries to haul him down to no avail as the ball just about squirts in off his scalp. A reminder that he can do it ugly, too, when it counts.

Vermillion Wanderers host Southfell United and yet again their penchant for conceding late in farcical circumstances hurts them, Saara’s header cancelled out when a low cross from Anselm ricochets off the backpedalling Bohr’s heel to find the bottom corner clinically. It’s the 82nd minute, and Lyzolda Petrov is licking her lips, looking to make the difference. But it’s Saara, instead, who makes it through the most laughably direct of plays. After Petrov is forced into shooting wide, the goalkick is hoofed into the middle of the pitch, where Saara rises high to help it on with another looping header. Gavaris, Stankovic, Ellis… all could have dealt with it, but none do, with Kruger muscling between them all to snatch the ball away and bundle it into the empty net for the Wanderers’ first win of the season. Corvistone turn oddly quiet against Crisisbless, a staunch defensive effort coming to naught when Woakes guides a languid finish past the overextended Feldman’s near post, while Kotaro Katsura basically single-handedly sees Belgrave deserve their draw against Starling.

Armstrong’s homegrown colossus, Gareth Pawnbroker, continues to audition for the Premiership with two goals against Creed where he doesn’t even have to lift off the ground, simply guiding headers into the top corner as Svenja Baste crawls over his back. 3-1 down by half-time, the Oathmen fight back with electrifying play, ultimately victorious after a contentious penalty is first saved by Virtanen, but only parried down to Taani’s feet. She buries it at the second time of asking. If only they could be consistently as good, like Parrhesia - yes, that is applying the adjective ‘consistent’ to Parrhesia United. Such has been the cataclysmic power of Emeka Obasi, wearing an extravagant feather cape as his Saints obliterate CNL, 5-0 the final score. Alexandra Saravakos looks so, so tired as she limps off, subbed off at 62 minutes, the veteran leftback having been torn inside out by Bastia Fohler time and again. The Strongest and Dartmouth Terriers face off at the bottom of the table, both winless. Surely one must break that streak! Er, no. It’s a terrible scoreless draw, though goalkeepers Cavan and Heidenreich are both well-tested throughout.

Leichhardt’s Stargazers might no longer look so much like banana skins as they used to, with a more understated yellow and navy kit debuting this season, but they remain a difficult prospect even for the best teams. Especially when a quick throw-in is seized on by Paterson and driven fatally into the heart of the Stags’ defence, Clavel and Klempner both going for it, the Schottic forward winning, stabbing it between the ‘keeper’s legs before slamming into him with full force. The goal stands, to the home fans’ chagrin, and the Stargazers hold out for a hard-earned victory. Treason remain top, while Brinemouth lose their opportunity to draw level on points after a late winner from Olivia Nygard that leaves Newrook’s early fears forgotten. No fewer than three teams overtake the Dockers, though, with Stahlburg, Corvistone and Crisisbless all winning. Athletic, Starling and the Moths are all just a little off the pace, all the familiar names in and around it. In midtable, North Laithland’s victory and South Laithland’s defeat leave them 11th and 12th.

Leichhardt’s victory is a massive help as they climb three points closer to safety. As things stand they’re relatively comfortable, as are Cranequin Wanderers despite a limp defeat to Stahlburg City. A second-half bombardment from Belgrave is enough for the Gargoyles to haul away from the bottom, and keep the Tanners looking over their shoulder. Behind the Gargoyles are the bottom five, all on just one win. Or, ‘finally’ one win in the case of the Chequers, for whom Minerva Swanmore’s outside-of-the-boot finish is enough to take down Chatswood. Obviously it’s enough to take down Chatswood; they’ve scored just two goals so far, somehow. Vermillion Wanderers, Stahlburg Rovers and, at the very bottom, Chenoworth Harriers round out the other strugglers; the lattermost get crushed 5-0 by Crisisbless to round out an unimpressive recent run of form.

Parrhesia remain at the top of the table with a flawless record and a staggering goal difference; an easy 3-1 win over Cypher is poor by their standards. Creed remain second after an energetic scoreless draw against Rochford, denied by the kind of goalkeeping performance from Claire Libuda that is more often seen by opponents in Football Manager. But then, the Owls had a credible shout for a penalty turned down late, Briggs flattening Non without punishment. Goodfeather may not quite be in the same effervescent form as they started the season, but an injury-time winner from Angela Braugher sees them past Mantlegrove, and in third due to their prodigious goal difference; the Rangers, edging out the indifferent Otters 1-0 through the simplicity of Rayne driving home a low cross from Lindwurm, are fourth and with a buffer already opening up to those below. So, top two are no surprise; can the Quakers and Rangers really sustain this, though?

Gonen’s Bridge aren’t quite in last season’s form, and a difference in quality at the sharp end costs them against the Strongest, handing the promoted side their first win of the season. At least they can score goals, unlike Rochford; both are on a point a game. Athletic also get their first win of the season, a desperate, scrabbling affair of a 3-2 against Armstrong, battling back from an early deficit caused by a slack backpass across the face of goal obligingly blasted home by Poppey, and was that a hand used by Jacinth Coen to control a wayward ball for the winner? Oh dear. They get away with it, though, and close in on Pillars. Bishop also struggle, just failing to get on the scoresheet for all their creativity and chances. Something seems wrong with the blueprint. Everything seems wrong with Dartmouth, the only side still winless. They can’t score, with three goals to date; they can’t defend, conceding almost two goals a game. It looks bad.

Morningstar started the season by blasting fellow promotion favourites Greygate 3-0 away from home, and haven’t really looked back since. This is unsurprising, when players like goalkeeper Carter, defender Hertzka and striker Strong really do not belong in this tier. Strong in particular has really benefited from confidence in just going down a tier; with six goals already, she does not look the same inhibited figure of yesteryear.

22-year old midfielder Sven Gillard has found plaudits as Riverkey’s unforgiving hatchet man in midfield. The Seagulls got to a scarcely believable seven clean sheets in a row to start the season, with only a resurgent Greygate breaking the seal in the second half to come back to win 2-1, hauling Riverkey off the top of the table. Gillard in particular lacks for speed, but combines muscle and technique to exert effortless control over matches. Shades of Rook Timekeeper last season, perhaps?

Extreme Hills’ general weirdness has continued under Jess Hearn, having managed five draws already. Hearn’s been cutting out the aging deadwood like Spiro and Handspiker, leaving a lot of youth to carry the can. They’ve been wildly inconsistent… just, in the kind of way that tends to either snatch or concede late points from nowhere. Their equals are a Stonegrave side who are a win better off, and in the unfamiliar position of passing teams off the park with a disciplined midfield diamond of Horner, Dovaston and the irrepressible Stenlein.

AFC Shale rightback Olivia Ryghseter became an internet sensation, substituted off after a terrible opening 16 minutes against Gosmouth Swans and after throwing up on the pitch. She was allowed to sit for the rest of the first half, but through the second half she was made to run continuous laps around the outside of the field. Manager Jasper Harlin said she had nobody to blame but herself, having nursed a raging hangover after trying to hair-of-the-dog a raging hangover from the previous day. Gosmouth won 2-1; neither goal scored overlapped with Ryghseter’s time on the pitch.

Coret Rovers have been awful, but they aren’t quite rid of Valery Cain yet. One suspects the axe is soon, though. Currently on a run of six straight defeats, the lack of goals from any non-Haroun Maynard source (the former Vermillion Rage man: 4. Everyone else: 2) has seriously dragged them down. A 5-1 defeat to Greygate was the nadir, made to look absolutely out of their depth by a side that was simple and knew what they wanted to do.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason               8  6  1  1  15   3  +12  19
  2 Stahlburg City            8  5  2  1  13   2  +11  17
  3 AFC Corvistone            8  5  2  1  15   5  +10  17
  4 Crisisbless               8  5  2  1  12   4   +8  17
  5 Brinemouth                8  5  1  2  18  10   +8  16
  6 Sabrefell Athletic        8  5  1  2  15   7   +8  16
  7 Starling                  8  4  3  1   9   6   +3  15
  8 Sabrefell Moths           8  4  2  2  14   6   +8  14
  9 Vermillion Rage           8  4  2  2  14  11   +3  14
 10 Aries Chariots            8  4  1  3  13   9   +4  13
 11 North Laithland           8  3  3  2   8   8   +0  12
 12 South Laithland           8  3  2  3   7  10   -3  11
 13 Coret Hawks               8  2  4  2  12  10   +2  10
 14 Newrook City              8  3  1  4  10  18   -8  10
 15 Leichhardt                8  2  3  3   8   9   -1   9
 16 Cranequin Wanderers       8  2  3  3   6   7   -1   9
 17 Chenoworth Rovers         8  3  0  5   7   9   -2   9
 18 Southfell United          8  2  2  4  13  13   +0   8
 19 Belgrave                  8  2  1  5  10  17   -7   7
 20 Vermillion Wanderers      8  1  2  5   8  12   -4   5
 21 Chatswood                 8  1  2  5   2  10   -8   5
 22 Stahlburg Rovers          8  1  2  5   4  18  -14   5
 23 Crisisbless United        8  1  1  6   7  17  -10   4
 24 Chenoworth Harriers       8  1  1  6   5  24  -19   4

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United           8  8  0  0  29   4  +25  24
  2 Creed United               8  6  1  1  19   9  +10  19
  3 Goodfeather FC             8  6  0  2  21   7  +14  18
  4 Chardonnay Rangers         8  6  0  2  12   8   +4  18
  5 Iron City                  8  4  2  2  10   6   +4  14
  6 Raven River                8  4  2  2  16  13   +3  14
  7 Armstrong                  8  4  1  3  14  13   +1  13
  8 Diamondqueen               8  3  2  3  14  10   +4  11
  9 North Sabrefell            8  3  2  3  11   9   +2  11
 10 Barossia United            8  2  5  1   9   8   +1  11
 11 Mantlegrove                8  3  2  3   7   6   +1  11
 12 Brookford Otters           8  3  2  3  10  11   -1  11
 13 Corvette Maulers           8  3  2  3  10  15   -5  11
 14 AFC Serpentine             8  3  1  4  11  11   +0  10
 15 Corinthians No Longer      8  3  1  4  11  13   -2  10
 16 Cypher Town                8  3  1  4  10  14   -4  10
 17 Cranequin City             8  2  3  3   7   9   -2   9
 18 Gonen's Bridge             8  2  2  4  12  16   -4   8
 19 AFC Rochford               8  2  2  4   5  11   -6   8
 20 Pillars of Southfell       8  2  1  5   6  10   -4   7
 21 Crisisbless Athletic       8  1  3  4   5  11   -6   6
 22 Bishop                     8  1  2  5   4  15  -11   5
 23 The Strongest              8  1  2  5   9  21  -12   5
 24 Dartmouth Terriers         8  0  3  5   3  15  -12   3

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                   P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
  1 Morningstar            8  6  2  0  14   4 +10  20
  2 Riverkey               8  6  1  1  10   2  +8  19
  3 Alliance Barossia      8  5  2  1  13   5  +8  17
  4 Peregrine              8  5  2  1  10   5  +5  17
  5 Boltcroft Thorns       8  4  3  1  12   7  +5  15
  6 Greygate               8  4  2  2  13   7  +6  14
  7 Falston United         8  4  1  3  13   9  +4  13
  8 Hackett                8  4  1  3  10   9  +1  13
  9 Gosmouth Swans         8  4  1  3   9   8  +1  13
 10 Stonegrave             8  2  5  1   9   8  +1  11
 11 Sheridan               8  3  2  3   6   5  +1  11
 12 West Brinemouth        8  3  2  3   6   6  +0  11
 13 Autumnstone            8  3  2  3   7  10  -3  11
 14 Ballardine FC          8  2  4  2   7   7  +0  10
 15 Ritter Town            8  2  4  2   6   6  +0  10
 16 Aries Solitaire        8  2  4  2   7   9  -2  10
 17 AFC Shale              8  3  0  5   7  11  -4   9
 18 Mapleford              8  2  2  4   8  10  -2   8
 19 Extreme Hills          8  1  5  2  11  15  -4   8
 20 Brokenarch             8  2  2  4   5   9  -4   8
 21 Rochford Pilgrims      8  1  2  5   8  18 -10   5
 22 Locksley               8  1  1  6   7  12  -5   4
 23 The Hanged Man         8  1  1  6   4  10  -6   4
 24 Coret Rovers           8  0  1  7   6  16 -10   1

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                         P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 East Laithland Harriers      8  5  1  2  16   9   +7  16
  2 Crossroads Town              8  5  1  2  11   8   +3  16
  3 Kommissar                    8  4  3  1  12   4   +8  15
  4 Lockheed Zenith              8  5  0  3  16  11   +5  15
  5 Downsparrow                  8  5  0  3  10   7   +3  15
  6 Lazuli Diamonds              8  4  2  2  18   7  +11  14
  7 Brindleton                   8  4  2  2  15   8   +7  14
  8 Southriver                   8  4  2  2  12   5   +7  14
  9 West Hook                    8  4  2  2  10   5   +5  14
 10 Riverkey Shells              8  4  2  2   8   6   +2  14
 11 Iron United                  8  3  3  2  10   9   +1  12
 12 Strephonage                  8  4  0  4   7   7   +0  12
 13 Ingram Township              8  3  2  3   8   6   +2  11
 14 Crownsend Journey            8  3  2  3   8  10   -2  11
 15 Martella Jazz                8  3  1  4   9  11   -2  10
 16 New Oakstone Phoenix         8  3  1  4   9  13   -4  10
 17 Cranequin Souths             8  3  1  4   9  14   -5  10
 18 Caldwick Strand              8  3  0  5   6  13   -7   9
 19 Constance Park               8  1  5  2   9  10   -1   8
 20 Hartford Glade               8  2  2  4  11  14   -3   8
 21 Ox River United              8  1  4  3   4   9   -5   7
 22 FC Seierstad                 8  1  3  4   6  11   -5   6
 23 Kensey Town                  8  1  3  4   9  20  -11   6
 24 South Parrhesia              8  0  0  8   5  21  -16   0

by **Nephara** » Mon Jun 29, 2020 5:52 am

Brinemouth and Crisisbless stand out to many as the obvious favourites for the title, and it is hard to disagree with that assessment. Neither will rest at the top of the table after their clash, as Treason and Stahlburg City both pick up away wins, but all eyes are on them regardless. Six minutes in, rue Cazade tries his luck, and Na’Kefir springs to action to claw his strike against the post. Eight minutes in, an incisive pass from Kasmiir shreds the Crisisbless defence, Bryger Tidesson steams in from the right and hammers a first-time shot off the other post. If it’s a warning, it isn’t heeded; slack marking enables Morena Deventer to force her way into the box and drive home with Mercurio Kastriot offering merely the suggestion of pressure, before Desya Kuznetsov rifles home the second from close range. Crisisbless, shell-shocked, head back into the tunnels having been dominated in the second half, but they get a lifeline in the 50th minute. Damion Bowman comes in down the left, holding off Spencer with a shoulder, Spencer tries to shove him back and does so just inside the box, the Euran winger goes down obliging and Valentin Germain buries the penalty. A lifeline! Bull is well tested by Woakes and Quintero in the coming minutes, and even when a mild injury forces Bowman to hobble off, substitute Beruka Danning is only denied scoring on her first touch by a brilliant point-blank save. But just as it seems that Crisisbless will inevitably level the scores, Oliver Spencer plays redeemer - rue Cazade passing to him seems to take him by surprise when Deventer was an option, but it sure as hell surprises the Heelers’ defence just as much. Without moving a step, he takes stock and strikes a hard diagonal pass to where he sees rue Cazade running, and the takilante lashes past Na’Kefir with his first touch, even with Teffeteller’s hand dragging on his shoulder.

At quite the other end of the table, Stahlburg Rovers can consistently find the gaps in Crisisbless United’s increasingly shoddy defensive line, Monika Talay running rampant down the centre of the park. Two opportunistic far-post finishes from Corona Sharpe secure the win in the second half, and honestly, United’s goal was something of a freak, a miscued strike from Ronayne accidentally setting up Roesler to drive home unmarked from the other edge of the box. If Tim Maitfield hadn’t marshalled the side so well over the past two years, questions would be asked. Sabrefell Moths endure One Of Those Days in Cranequin, the Wanderers clinging to an early strike - neatly crafted, an outswinging long ball from Riaz chested down and cut across by Koellner for Grahn to narrowly get to and drive home - and from there, always seeming to have more bodies to throw in the way. When that fails, Konrad Matheny has an exceptional day in goal, twice triumphing over Cathal Turner one-on-one. North Laithland slaughter Chenoworth Rovers in the way that the Rovers were always going to struggle with; raw pace. Vincent Dupont can’t dominate the game if you just kick the ball over his head, and then you just match athletes against their creaking defence. The 4-1 scoreline away vindicates the approach, despite a heroic effort from Alisandra Svava, the one Rovers defender in her twenties with more than a few last-ditch tackles.

Almost every 1Div match this week is boring (Dartmouth fans will disagree, as they finally get their first win of the season in Cypher), but that’s okay, because it allows more time to focus on the main event; Parrhesia march north to Creed, bringing their legion of vibrant, mercurial fans with them, ready to contest their toughest match of the season and defend their spotless record. Three minutes in and the tone has been set, Saints playmaker Rosborough scorching Briggs’ palms with a piledriver once she steals a march on Mason. But after that early marker, while Parrhesia continue to dominate possession, they struggle to play past Creed’s disciplined defence, Svenja Baste excelling in particular. Indeed, it is Creed who break the deadlock, Barbarouses pivoting on the halfway line before a straight pass plays Donau past the entire Saints’ defence, breaking the offside trap and striking low past Laisne. Conrad hits a post just before the break and suddenly the Oathmen look in command… until a moment of inspiration early in the second half from Ilia Mueller sees her burst through the tracks, play a clever one-two with Reus and drive past Briggs from close range. From there, the Saints get back into command, and a lightning-quick counter finished by a diving header from Fohler that just scrapes under Briggs’ fingertips secures the win.

Crash course for those new to the league: Stahlburg City and AFC Treason despise each other. Stahlburg City stood top of the table 45 matches into a season, what seems like decades ago - because it was, in a sense - before Treason, geographically close in the same colours, overhauled them. City never recovered… until, perhaps, now. There’s confidence in the Smiths’ camp that they might just seize a win. Lewis Phoenix gets into the spirit of the occasion, taking pictures of a stag-head apparently now mounted on his wall. Eight minutes in, he gets his chance. Brujah, of course, clatters Jonsson. Henry takes the ball smoothly in stride as if an act of tremendous violence hadn’t just occured behind her, then drives the ball forward down the right, to the free countryman Lane, who plays in Phoenix, free of everyone, shaping for the shot… and it goes straight down Clavel’s throat, with enough force to send the Audioslavian goalkeeper somersaulting almost into the net. Stahlburg keep Treason at bay from there, but they never quite get a chance like that again. All it takes is one, at the other end, a similar situation seeing Raquel Accardi put the ball at Idai Uster’s feet. She doesn’t miss. Jinks one side, sends Prant-Telew one way, then cuts sharply the other and rolls it home, slow enough to follow it in, turn to face the Smiths defenders bustling after her, give a little two-handed come-hither wave before sweeping the ball into the roof of the net from a foot out and diving into the crowd. Oh, she is already a favourite. Six goals so far don’t hurt.

Elsewhere, a rather more innocuous comment from a different Banijan causes sparks to fly in Coret. Kizza Okafor concedes he misses old midfield partner Otalia Kasmiir, a reasonable thing to say given they’re about to play Brinemouth, her new club. New midfield partner Nikita Charisteas, short-tempered and foul-mannered, says she misses when Okafor would shut the fuck up and keep his attention on the game. Well, nobody can fault him for that - two screamers from outside the box steal a point against the Dockers they had no business getting. Corvistone pummel Stahlburg Rovers 5-0, with all the ease that implies. Baba Warrington, two goals in but hobbling a slight injury, is picked up by a microphone arguing with his physio; “You don’t need me, man, you don’t need me! They’re fucking shit, bro!” Evidently they listen; he isn’t forced back on, Ballista Meade comes on and coolly slots home her first of the season in injury time when the Rovers apparently forget to mark her. Starling smash six past the Chariots as Kesteren shines between the lines, while Southfell’s favourite thug Nathan Ellis completes the impressive trifecta of giving away an equalising penalty, scoring a winning goal and getting sent off against Vermillion Rage following a brutal leg-snapping challenge on Mrdja.

Old weaknesses die hard. Parrhesia get punched in the jaw early by Rochford, a pinpoint corner from Anneliese Coe headed perfectly home by centre-half Mailar, and thanks in no small part to the Owls’ young goalkeeper Claire Libuda, it takes the Saints a full hour to strike back. The goal is always coming, though, and it’s cruel that it arrives when Mueller’s shot is only weakly beaten away by Libuda, straight into Reus’ path. Five minutes later, Reus plays provider for the unmarked Moisander to put Parrhesia in front. That’s that, is it? No. In the 87th minute, Coe’s cross should be cleared by Vuurmeier, the satyr air-swings, Non nips in and taps home past the startled Laisne. So the streak ends at nine. The Strongest batter Mantlegrove 5-2 to get their third win in a row having not managed one before that, with Kylene Rotariu having scored four in that time. Sylvia Wright, who everyone said the lanky striker had no hope of replacing, only has three thus far.

Four times, the Dockers take the lead against the Alligators… three times, the Alligators find the answer. But Otalia Kasmiir, bursting down the centre, fighting her way through a general stramash and stabbing home the loose ball, finds the very direct and ugly answer to an otherwise free-flowing game that might be the pick of the round worldwide. Scott City take an early lead from a set piece, but are on the whole left outclassed by Crisisbless, who seize the lead just before half-time thanks to a flicked header from Germain and never look like letting go.

Vermillion Wanderers and Coret Hawks share a green-and-gold colour scheme and a penchant for the 4-4-2 formation, but that’s about where the similarities end. Or, no, one more; they’re both underachieving. Just three wins between them, with the Wanderers second-from-bottom. What’s a small-town Parrhesia outfit to do? Seneca Matthews digs her heels in; the Wanderers stick to the plan. Resolutely refusing to take the Hawks on in midfield, Kalevi twice hits Saara with crosses and a penalty won through Kruger’s diligence and athleticism - taking the ball and refusing to go down under Pollard’s pressure until she was the right side of the penalty marker - is slammed home by Pinnon. The Hawks claw back a goal late in slightly flukey circumstances, Basilisk knowing little of her goal as Okafor’s shot slams off the crossbar and hits her in the tits on her way in past the stunned Orion Randwick. Nevertheless a decisive result for the Wanderers that lifts them to 21st.

Crisisbless United rise off the foot of the table after victory over Cranequin Wanderers. It’s a fairly even affair, high on technique, low on chances, largely bogged down in midfield. It needs a moment of inspiration, and gets one, Danica Marshall wriggling free of midfield for a second and placing a proper screamer into the top corner in the 71st minute. Tom Garner gets sent off protecting it, which will have implications for the six-pointer with Leichhardt next round. Sabrefell Athletic absolutely cream Vermillion Rage, who are cut apart on the counter again and again. Athletic are so dedicated to their strategy that they even hook Tarala before the hour mark with the score 1-0, with the vastly inferior but more sprightly Isaac Tomlinson netting twice in an eventual 4-0 rout, wreaking havoc past the Rage’s high line. Brinemouth’s usual heated rivalry with Chatswood is just kind of pathetic this time around, largely because Chatswood are terrible. The Dockers are laboured and short on inspiration, to the point where when rue Cazade takes advantage of interplay with Kasmiir to break free and strike from the edge of the area, and Williams lets it slip through her arms, you just know it’s going to be the only goal of the match and it’s just 33 minutes in. Sigrun Rivers rolls back the years to strike a brace for the Harriers that sees them beat Stahlburg Rovers away, while the Stags and Moths grind out an interminable scoreless draw.

20-year old Creed United striker Camilla Martin might be one to keep an eye on. She makes her first start of the season against Gonen’s Bridge and marks it with two near-identical goals, both chesting down long balls from Barbarouses and ramming them past the exposed Catapan. Donau scores one in much the same vein, as Bridge are hoist by their own route-one petard in a 6-1 defeat. The Strongest’s recent run of form comes crashing to an abrupt halt, Lara Dixon’s impeccable strategy of ‘sitting back and hitting hard on the counter’ paying dividends in a 5-1 rout for Iron City. “It was like the Charge of the fucking Light Brigade out there,” bemoans the Strongest captain, Lene Wiseman, left hopelessly exposed at the back. Ruby Gjasula puts four goals past a sluggish Cranequin City side that fail to deal with her quick feet and quicker wits, and it has to be said that the Terracotta army look… well, past it, bluntly. Hakan Gryspos gets just nineteen touches across the game, isolated up front despite in theory having Forde and Wheaton right there around him. Parrhesia, meanwhile, keep Parrhesing under Emeka Obasi, with Armstrong their next victims. 3-0 the final score, Adraan Telviir making a case for more regular minutes down the line with a dominant midfield performance.

It’s okay. You don’t have to feel bad for not knowing who any of these teams are. Lindwurm Delta nail their first ever NFA Cup game, slaughtering Latin Enclave 6-1 away, Shimmering Quay do nearly as well against high-flying Lindmark Falcons, Southsands take down Lazuli Diamonds in extra time and Moxstone, well, don’t manage anything so glorious. Elsewhere, fallen giants(ish) Martella crush Boleyn Town 5-0. Reminders of better days, perhaps. Not for Boleyn Town, one of the rare teams who have seemingly just found this region of the pyramid to be their level.

There’s something different in the air in Chenoworth. Most figured there was a sea change on the cards, the Rovers in the ascendancy, but the Harriers come into on a run of three straight wins. The teams both have four wins, a draw and ten goals… but the Harriers have conceded twelve more goals, the equal most in the division. That must give the Rovers hope, and they play like it in the early stages, but they get lazy with it, seeming to shoot on sight. Easy enough for Matthews to handle, and the one serious challenge she faces is passed with flying colours when Brayden Custworth, through on goal, sees his low placed strike swept aside by Matthews’ boot. In the second half, the Harriers make their chances count, fewer but sharper. Kou, unmarked, converting at the far post, before Donato Girardi’s resurgence after an unsteady period getting to grips with the team’s physicality sees him lay on a beautiful inswinger hooked home by Wright before going it alone to get past three men and drive past Corridan’s near post, in off her boot. The Rovers think they pull one back after 70 minutes, but Vithoulkas is offside. Then again, after 79… foul by Forrest in the build-up. When your luck’s out, it’s out. For now, Chenoworth is red and the side are suddenly odds-on to stay up.

In the northeast, Coret and Belgrave have both struggled so far this season; two wins thus far is not enough for the Hawks in particular, and Nick Feeney’s under pressure for, really, the first time. However; Dragan Stavanger is angry. “I’ve heard so many reports that I’m past it,” the former international striker rumbles pre-match. “I’m over it. Those reports. Not the hill, obviously.” And on his 35th birthday, aided by some permissive refereeing, the brute puts on a staggering performance, wrestling Belgrave defenders to the ground and laying waste to all around him en route to two goals and two assists, both headed down to strike partner Basilisk. The final score; 6-0. Treason have to fight hard to overcome Hestia Canaan’s Spiders, with North Laithland fighting back from 1-0 down to 2-1 up by half-time and defending it viciously with ankle-taps and kicks. Inevitably, Ettori gets sent off, and Accardi equalises. Then Rashica follows Ettori down the tunnel, in injury time, clearing the path for substitute John Fletcher to head home the winner. Brinemouth leave Stahlburg Rovers chasing all game but the visitors win plenty of admirers for scoring three goals, while Sabrefell Athletic batter Starling 3-0 courtesy of a Bartol Isusi masterclass down the left wing.

Top plays bottom. Sometimes, unpredictable things can happen! No, the Saints body the Terriers 4-0 in Dartmouth, Ilia Mueller offering a conclusive rebuttal to Adraan Telviir wanting more game minutes with yet another transcendant performance. The 23-year old midfielder has had her stiletto on the league’s Adam’s apple since the season’s begun. It isn’t the biggest win on display, though, with the Otters putting the Strongest to the sword. It’s 5-0, but it could be 6 when Janneke Chaeffer’s goalkick catches in the wind, hard enough to force Cavan to backpedal and-- catch it quite comfortably. Aw. Chardonnay Rangers slip to a 1-1 draw with Athletic, even that due to Justice Pearce saving them off the bench with a suitably heroic diving header. Serpentine’s season goes from bad to worse. They really need to beat Pillars at home. Instead, they concede three and fold to a side that is not exactly prolific, or very good.

Kingsgrove against Brinemouth is the match equivalent to a tricky winger doing seventeen step-overs before the impatient fullback marking him just kicks the ball out. The Royals dominate possession in Rozelle, no easy feat against perhaps the strongest side on paper in the world, but so rarely actually get the ball to Michael Ribbeck’s feet. A wayward pass from Dreigiau Parrish is pounced on by Reeve, shot forward to Tidesson and cut back for rue Cazade to dance by Cascarine and shoot low past Solaani. Twice Fontvielle take the lead in Crisisbless through Benezet and former Starling midfielder Padilla, but the Heelers rally in the second half, Germain, Bowman and aspiring takilante Fletcher all scoring to seal an impressive victory.

Last season, very early on, Chatswood were floundering. Warner Dranz was plucked from overachieving in the second tier with a very direct side of roughly midtable quality to become the new Chatswood manager. This season, very early on… Chatswood are floundering. Dranz has to hope history won’t repeat, but for that to happen his side will need to pick up where they left off with the vital win over Vermillion Wanderers. Their next opponents: Belgrave, not exactly producing wonders themselves. But they have quality, finesse, strategy. Chatswood look hopelessly lost all game, with no better resort than kicking it forward and hoping Ivana Henderson does her best impression of last year’s Ivana Henderson. It works once on the stroke of half-time, as she waits for it to rest nearly and places it firmly past Tristram. To make it 3-1. Katsura, already the architect of that first-half dominance, scores twice in the second to make it five, and Ozolx-Alfan thumping home Prentice’s free kick is not much of a salve. Henderson is past it. Moore is just not good enough. And Dranz is gone. Chatswood… pluck Brandon Laithstrider from overachieving in the second tier with his very direct Chardonnay Rangers.

Stahlburg Rovers are the big winners at the bottom, edging out a terrible affair against Vermillion Wanderers. It has to be said that Vermillion have made a fairly miserable first impression on the league, but they’re just unable to take control in the centre of the park. Slanging crosses to Saara has gone from a potent weapon to their only resort, as Catric Pinnon’s influence has shrunk to nothing. People had wondered before why Corvistone hadn’t kept Pinnon years back, but you know, they’re doing pretty well without him. Today against Leichhardt, Hadrian Belfast gambles that they’ll sit back - they do - and that he can prioritise inspiration over perspiration with Morham and Arniston linking up. He’s right. The Crows dominate the Stargazers, three goals in the first half and then cruising in the second. A flash of individual brilliance from Traudl Mrdja is enough for the Rage to sew up Crisisbless, though Leila Ramelow is also back to her best in goal, while Coret finally throw off the shackles to batter South Laithland 3-0 in a game where Okafor and Basilisk grow their blossoming understanding.

The venerable Lukas Pallister becomes the first managerial casualty of the season. You can see it in his face as the game goes on. The hope, when Lenora Zender - who has tried and largely failed to step into Esther Vorster’s shoes - twists inexperienced Athletic rightback Oenning’s blood before driving a strike low across Qatintiki. The anger, when poor marking allows a far more pedestrian goal for Athletic, Amethyst Miller’s cross headed home by Coen. The despair when Kaskanis chases down a seemingly lost cause, Visca Konrad turning in possession and oh there’s a guy there-- Kaskanis stealing the ball from her, cutting back for the other Miller, Aljoscha, to slot home the winner. Mixu Durran is brought in, having most recently Peter Principled at Parrhesia, who of course win again this week against Bridge.

Corvistone against Treason is a properly mouthwatering top-of-the-table clash. Admittedly, one where the Stags have opened up a five-point gap at the top. And have better players all over the pitch. But the Crows are hosting, and for the first time in their history manage to fill out their boutique stadium. That crowd has no shortage of reasons to get to their feet early on; Yonen smacks a snapshot against a post, Ulreich almost draws a penalty against her former club but is arguably too honest and stays on her feet after hurdling a challenge from Va’Afaja, but soon afterwards arrowed a cross that Kaya Catley slickly drove home. They enjoy that lead for three whole minutes; Idai Uster lashes home a strike, then tips home a neat near-post header that Feldman, for once, goes missing in search of. A half-time lead and the Stags look a good bet to add to it, Feldman atoning with a flying save to deny Jonsson’s free kick, Metzger sending a serviceable chance into the side netting under the subtle pressure of Verlander, and at last the breakthrough seems to come when Kelly McInnes breaks past the line and slots coolly past Feldman… offside. Or was she? Less than an inch in it, if there was anything… but just two minutes later, Rachel Arniston took hold of the ball in an innocuous position, took three elegant steps inside to reach a lethal position and twist Rauch entirely out of the game, before driving a low, gently curling drive into the bottom corner beyond Clavel’s reach. A deserved draw? Depends on who you ask.

Crisisbless’ hosting Starling is also pretty appealing, but becomes an odd, frictionless affair. Neither side really gets their teeth into the other, though unusually, it’s two defenders to score; Bajnok manages to hook an oddly crisp finish past Smordal in the aftermath of a free kick, while Vandermark, cutting inside after a deep run from leftback, drives an equaliser past Bull. Brinemouth succumb to the immutable law of the ex. They endure a sluggish performance against Cranequin Wanderers, bogged down in midfield, and paying the price when their former man Constantine Koellner gets on the end of a quick break, rounds Bull and rolls in. Gisella Riaz cuts inside and scythes a shot past Bull just minutes later, and while the Dockers finally look better in the second half and finally score, rue Cazade again managing to do something spectacular. But it isn’t enough. Stahlburg Rovers batter Belgrave 3-0 in their must complete performance of the season thus far, while Laithstrider’s first match in charge for Chatswood results in a much-needed victory over the Southrons.

Mixu Durran’s first match in charge of Bishop might not show that an attack-oriented manager knows how to marshal the defence any better, but he sure as hell injects heart into the team. A deeply inconsistent River side take the early lead through a thunderstrike from Nikita Crowe, wriggling free and beating Strom, but no matter. Beckwith doubles his goal tally for the season with a towering header and a power-fuelled solo effort capped off by a finish that puts a crack in the crossbar. Gjasula and Beridze reverse their usual double act, the former setting up the latter to finish easily, but Tory Jeanes rolls back the years when a run through the midfield logjam is rewarded by Zender’s pass, hit low and hard past Selina Carver for the winning goal. The pressure is off Durran and very much on Eoin Killanen. Armstrong seal an important three points with not one goal but a brace from centre-half Istvan Kendrick against the Maulers barely trying to mark him, the Bohemians blast three unanswered past Serpentine in a game that highlights how shit the Dragons have been so far, while a moment of individual brilliance from Roanna Murin lets the Bridge striker steal past three Dartmouth men with a single sashay of the hips, streak clear of all scrutiny, send Brookhouse the wrong way and roll home the only goal of the game. The Terriers have the stench of death around them already.

Disappointing defeats for both sides, especially Brinemouth collapsing late at the Eagles Club. Crisisbless seize most of the ball but struggle to convert it into chances, and those few chances to goals; their only one comes far too little and far too late, Woakes’ free kick sailing beautifully into the top corner in the 82nd minute, by which time Johannes Nymark has already run a game-winning show.

Vermillion cut a subdued figure abroad, and it proves an inopportune time to rest playmaker Syrene Fleetwood as without her nobody can really open up the gaps in a determined Elvas back line that they need to.

Things are scarily even at the top. Well, no. Treason maintain a five-point lead despite dropping points to lowly Chenoworth Harriers, with Tristan Niedermayer’s heroic effort at the back topped off by heading home Rivers’ corner on the hour mark, as Corvistone fail to make up ground on a dry Stahlburg night, grateful just to have former Treason winger Ulreich level the scores late on. Or, from the Smiths’ perspective, they fail to make up ground hosting the Crows; they’re both on 29 points, as are Sabrefell Athletic following a narrow, hard-earned 1-0 win over Newrook. Crisisbless show off for the crowd. Southfell’s crowd. One that’s less than impressed as the big three in attacking midfield trick and flair their way to a 4-0 hammering. Brinemouth are just unable to get it together against Leichhardt, losing to a route-one goal in either half. Why are Brinemouth not doing better? They’ve scored the most goals in the league… but conceded more than any two sides in the top five. Starling are a further point off the pace following defeat to Coret, North Laithland a point behind in eighth after beating the Chariots.

Crisisbless United take the headlines when, missing captain Stokes through suspension and Kaelin through injury and a goal behind in Sabrefell against the Moths by half-time… well, they look sunk, don’t they? But the Moths don’t go for the kill, lose the ball pissing it about in defence and Tanith Carter, swooping on the inexperienced Brabanzon like a vulture, sweeps the leveller past an enraged Griffin. It goes from bad to worse when a direct free kick is won by Antelmi and subsequently hammered into the top corner. Jabelon reckons Griffin could have had it; Griffin reckons Jabelon should have jumped; from any perspective it was a near-perfect strike, and one which lifts the listing Chequers from the foot of the table. Maybe five draws in a row for the Moths wasn’t so bad. Now it’s ‘winless in seven’. Belgrave battle to a 1-1 draw with Chenoworth Rovers, condemning them to remain locked on points with the Harriers, while Newrook also stay above the bottom four. The other Rovers are on the dotted line, Chatswood, despite a creditable draw with Vermillion Rage, remain underneath it with their pathetic goal tally of eight. The Wanderers play each other; the novelty begins and ends there, they’re both trash, it ends scoreless, and Vermillion are rooted to the foot of the table.

Parrhesia host Mantlegrove hoping to stretch their lead at the top; the result is predictable, the Dryads making a good fist of the first half but ultimately succumbing to the Saints, who have scored over three goals a game and dropped just two points so far. They’re now seventeen points above even the playoff place. Creed United, predictably, remain second after a dull 1-0 win over Brookford and 34 points that would seem incredibly good under any other circumstances. Chardonnay Rangers, less predictably, currently sit a point above the playoff place, a point scavenged by a late equaliser from Sylvia Wright. A whole gaggle of teams fight for supremacy underneath them, with disappointing defeats for Armstrong and North Sabrefell seeing them be subsumed into the pack of Iron City, the only side from this region of the table to win, and the aforementioned Otters. River manage to haul in Goodfeather somewhat, extending the Quakers’ winless run to four matches, but the Ferrymen have still endured a rough start to the season. Barossia United and especially Crisisbless Athletic will be delighted to be at this end of the table, too.

Pushing past the general melange of teams in midtable, with just three points splitting 9th River from 17th Rochford, there are already beginning to emerge gaps between the sort-of haves and the definitely have-nots. The Dad’s Army at Pillars and the rogue’s gallery at the Bridge are both more or less treading water, though serious defensive issues have plagued Bridge all season and an injury to Ramaz Korve has proven disastrous to stability. Three consecutive draws for the Strongest are sort of good but sort of bad; in any case, they mean they’re in 20th, but looking over their shoulder at Serpentine and Cranequin, both stranded on twelve points but surely not destined to stay there. Both show signs of life, the former going blow-for-blow with Athletic in a 3-3 shootout, City easily beating Bishop to open up a six-point gap to Mixu Durran’s charges. As for Dartmouth, they’ve been terrible this season and look sure to go down already, having now lost their past six.

Vermillion finally kick into life, fuelled by Traudl Mrdja’s frustration when her shot, well-saved, lacks anyone to follow in the rebound. The young winger rails at her sluggish companions and that, evidently, inspires them; she sets up Heward and Moyer before watching on as Maersk powers home a deflected third from her withdrawn position, seeing the Rage to victory.

Predictions of Morningstar’s demise appear to be premature. While not really running away with games, Serra Chilton’s charges simply have too much skill and power for almost every opponent in their way. Their only defeat has come to Solitaire, who yet again despite high expectations are floundering. Pressure is intensifying on Katrina Wheelhouse, whose side lie in 16th. Yolanda Sparrow is running the show desperately, the diminutive midfielder darting between the lines and making things right one pass at a time, but even she’s starting to look tired.

Hackett have flared recently to life, winning their last four games without conceding a goal. It’s easy to hand all the credit to shot-stopper Darroll Kewell, and he has certainly done the job of stopping shots for a side that is generally fine losing possession and ceding pressure, but the defence is strong all-around. Perhaps the most surprising renaissance is former Stahlburg Rovers winger Drusilla Moxey reinventing herself as an attacking midfielder, freeing the livewire Felix Luthier down the left. They’ve formed a powerful synergy with one another and with striker Marnus Sutton, who netted a hat-trick against Extreme Hills in a 5-0 thrashing.

The sack race has been hotly contested this season with a number of strong candidates. Coret Rovers’ Valery Cain probably saved her job with back-to-back wins over Mapleford and, impressively, away at Sheridan, a beleagured defence finally tightening up. Results have since stalled a little, but against tough opposition. So Corren Meadows has overtaken her at the last moment, five games without so much as a goal threaten the serious prospect of two consecutive relegations for Locksley. The Brewers pick up something of a coup with former West Brinemouth manager Ulrich Esperance, who takes over and smoothly orchestrates a 3-2 win over Mapleford. Given that their defeat was instrumental in both narratives it is perhaps unsurprising that Mapleford are struggling themselves, though Olivia Stork is considered fairly safe. Rochford Pilgrims occupy the final place.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason               15 10  4  1  29   9  +20  34
  2 AFC Corvistone            15  8  5  2  28  10  +18  29
  3 Sabrefell Athletic        15  8  5  2  26  10  +16  29
  4 Stahlburg City            15  8  5  2  22   8  +14  29
  5 Crisisbless               15  8  3  4  22  10  +12  27
  6 Brinemouth                15  8  3  4  31  22   +9  27
  7 Starling                  15  7  5  3  22  15   +7  26
  8 North Laithland           15  7  4  4  23  18   +5  25
  9 Vermillion Rage           15  6  5  4  21  20   +1  23
 10 Coret Hawks               15  5  6  4  30  20  +10  21
 11 South Laithland           15  6  3  6  12  17   -5  21
 12 Sabrefell Moths           15  4  7  4  18  12   +6  19
 13 Aries Chariots            15  5  4  6  19  20   -1  19
 14 Leichhardt                15  5  4  6  14  17   -3  19
 15 Chenoworth Rovers         15  5  3  7  15  20   -5  18
 16 Chenoworth Harriers       15  5  3  7  16  31  -15  18
 17 Cranequin Wanderers       15  4  5  6  13  15   -2  17
 18 Southfell United          15  4  4  7  19  24   -5  16
 19 Belgrave                  15  4  3  8  18  32  -14  15
 20 Newrook City              15  4  2  9  16  31  -15  14
 21 Stahlburg Rovers          15  4  2  9  15  31  -16  14
 22 Chatswood                 15  3  4  8   8  19  -11  13
 23 Crisisbless United        15  3  2 10  12  29  -17  11
 24 Vermillion Wanderers      15  2  3 10  13  22   -9   9

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United           15  14  1   0  46   8  +38  43
  2 Creed United               15  11  1   3  32  15  +17  34
  3 Chardonnay Rangers         15   7  6   2  21  15   +6  27
  4 Iron City                  15   7  5   3  21   9  +12  26
  5 Armstrong                  15   8  2   5  21  20   +1  26
  6 North Sabrefell            15   7  4   4  26  16  +10  25
  7 Brookford Otters           15   7  4   4  23  16   +7  25
  8 Goodfeather FC             15   7  3   5  26  16  +10  24
  9 Raven River                15   6  4   5  30  23   +7  22
 10 Barossia United            15   4  9   2  21  17   +4  21
 11 Crisisbless Athletic       15   5  6   4  15  16   -1  21
 12 Cypher Town                15   5  5   5  18  18   +0  20
 13 Mantlegrove                15   5  5   5  16  17   -1  20
 14 Corvette Maulers           15   5  5   5  20  24   -4  20
 15 Diamondqueen               15   5  4   6  21  19   +2  19
 16 Corinthians No Longer      15   5  4   6  21  24   -3  19
 17 AFC Rochford               15   4  6   5  14  17   -3  18
 18 Pillars of Southfell       15   4  3   8  13  20   -7  15
 19 Gonen's Bridge             15   4  3   8  17  31  -14  15
 20 The Strongest              15   3  5   7  22  38  -16  14
 21 AFC Serpentine             15   3  3   9  18  26   -8  12
 22 Cranequin City             15   3  3   9   8  22  -14  12
 23 Bishop                     15   2  2  11  11  31  -20   8
 24 Dartmouth Terriers         15   1  3  11   5  28  -23   6

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Morningstar            15  11  3   1  27   9  +18  36
  2 Alliance Barossia      15  10  2   3  24   9  +15  32
  3 Boltcroft Thorns       15   8  6   1  21  12   +9  30
  4 Hackett                15   9  2   4  24  12  +12  29
  5 Ballardine FC          15   8  5   2  17   8   +9  29
  6 Peregrine              15   8  4   3  23  11  +12  28
  7 Riverkey               15   7  5   3  14   8   +6  26
  8 Greygate               15   7  4   4  20  14   +6  25
  9 AFC Shale              15   7  1   7  15  16   -1  22
 10 Sheridan               15   6  3   6  12  10   +2  21
 11 West Brinemouth        15   5  6   4  14  13   +1  21
 12 Gosmouth Swans         15   6  3   6  17  19   -2  21
 13 The Hanged Man         15   6  2   7  14  13   +1  20
 14 Falston United         15   6  2   7  16  16   +0  20
 15 Stonegrave             15   4  6   5  14  17   -3  18
 16 Aries Solitaire        15   4  6   5  17  23   -6  18
 17 Brokenarch             15   5  2   8  11  20   -9  17
 18 Autumnstone            15   4  4   7  13  21   -8  16
 19 Ritter Town            15   3  6   6  10  15   -5  15
 20 Extreme Hills          15   2  7   6  20  29   -9  13
 21 Locksley               15   2  4   9  12  19   -7  10
 22 Mapleford              15   2  4   9  14  22   -8  10
 23 Rochford Pilgrims      15   2  3  10  13  32  -19   9
 24 Coret Rovers           15   2  2  11  13  27  -14   8

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crossroads Town              15 10  2   3  26  15  +11  32
  2 Lazuli Diamonds              15  9  4   2  33   9  +24  31
  3 Lockheed Zenith              15  8  3   4  24  16   +8  27
  4 Kommissar                    15  7  4   4  25  13  +12  25
  5 Southriver                   15  7  4   4  24  15   +9  25
  6 Downsparrow                  15  7  4   4  20  17   +3  25
  7 East Laithland Harriers      15  7  3   5  28  24   +4  24
  8 New Oakstone Phoenix         15  7  3   5  19  18   +1  24
  9 Ingram Township              15  6  5   4  16   8   +8  23
 10 Brindleton                   15  6  5   4  22  16   +6  23
 11 West Hook                    15  6  5   4  17  13   +4  23
 12 Riverkey Shells              15  7  2   6  19  17   +2  23
 13 Strephonage                  15  6  4   5  12  11   +1  22
 14 Iron United                  15  5  5   5  19  22   -3  20
 15 Crownsend Journey            15  5  5   5  18  21   -3  20
 16 Cranequin Souths             15  6  2   7  15  22   -7  20
 17 Constance Park               15  3  8   4  16  18   -2  17
 18 Hartford Glade               15  4  5   6  21  24   -3  17
 19 Martella Jazz                15  5  2   8  19  24   -5  17
 20 Kensey Town                  15  3  6   6  22  30   -8  15
 21 Caldwick Strand              15  4  1  10  13  29  -16  13
 22 FC Seierstad                 15  3  3   9  17  24   -7  12
 23 Ox River United              15  2  5   8   8  25  -17  11
 24 South Parrhesia              15  1  2  12  13  35  -22   5

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Harrington              15  11  2  2  25  12  +13  35
  2 Iberia Chenoworth       15  10  2  3  34  11  +23  32
  3 Sirencall FC            15   9  1  5  26  16  +10  28
  4 Grovebank               15   8  4  3  20  11   +9  28
  5 Besand's Folly          15   9  1  5  24  18   +6  28
  6 Rushe United            15   9  1  5  27  23   +4  28
  7 Lindmark Falcons        15   7  3  5  26  21   +5  24
  8 Lindwurm Delta          15   7  1  7  19  16   +3  22
  9 Sutcroft Athletic       15   5  6  4  20  16   +4  21
 10 Ringway                 15   6  3  6  21  22   -1  21
 11 Chenoworth Teutons      15   5  5  5  11  14   -3  20
 12 Fischer                 15   5  4  6  28  27   +1  19
 13 Sutcroft                15   4  6  5  15  21   -6  18
 14 AFC Hellerine           15   3  6  6  24  30   -6  15
 15 Moxstone Fortune        15   4  3  8  10  20  -10  15
 16 Courser                 15   4  3  8  16  27  -11  15
 17 Boleyn Town             15   3  5  7  18  26   -8  14
 18 AFC Feuerweiss          15   4  1 10  17  32  -15  13
 19 Fenland Albion          15   2  5  8  11  16   -5  11
 20 Stonesthrow Town        15   2  4  9  10  23  -13  10

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rookwall                  15  11  2  2  26  12  +14  35
  2 AFC Southsands            15  11  0  4  29  19  +10  33
  3 The Travellers FC         15  10  2  3  31  17  +14  32
  4 Fully Sick XI             15   9  1  5  25  18   +7  28
  5 Bodkin Road               15   8  2  5  26  15  +11  26
  6 Brunyard FC               15   7  4  4  24  16   +8  25
  7 Corvistone City           15   8  1  6  20  13   +7  25
  8 Long Lake                 15   6  6  3  16   9   +7  24
  9 Northside Eagles          15   6  3  6  34  20  +14  21
 10 Brookford Vantablack      15   6  3  6  29  37   -8  21
 11 Twelvetrees               15   5  5  5  18  15   +3  20
 12 Longwinter                15   5  4  6  20  24   -4  19
 13 Latin Enclave FC          15   5  3  7  20  30  -10  18
 14 Barhara Cavaliers         15   6  0  9  17  27  -10  18
 15 Shimmering Quay           15   4  3  8  22  26   -4  15
 16 Gridlock                  15   4  3  8  10  24  -14  15
 17 Aries Tigers              15   3  4  8  22  31   -9  13
 18 AFC Burchess              15   2  7  6  18  29  -11  13
 19 AFC Volksgarten           15   2  4  9  15  28  -13  10
 20 Markoni                   15   2  3 10  11  23  -12   9

by **Nephara** » Tue Jun 30, 2020 4:39 am

My, my! Two 10-0 victories? Certainly this is the round for the most lop-sided fixtures, with all but the top tier involved. None of the serious players make fools of themselves; Bodkin Road do, however, getting absolutely pulverised by leading lights of the third tier Morningstar. The likes of Leila Chaseling and Dionysius Lyritzis absolutely tear gaping wounds in the once-proud Road side that had at one time in their history aspired to mediocrity. Few see the other one coming; Aries Solitaire aren’t having the best season, yes, but they still aspire to swap divisions with the Strongest, meeting them on the way up. Markus Horst’s young charges show them precisely where to stick it in an assured performance that becomes a confident demolition that in turn becomes a pure, undignified rout.

Glory be, it is that time again! The world stands still as the Stags trek all the way to Brinemouth to take on a Dockers side experiencing a rare low ebb. No matter their ebb, however, they give Treason a stark reminder of their weapons when Morena Deventer gets past fellow Cormorant Stride and drives in a diagonal ball, even as she’s pulled to the ground - definite free-kick but the referee plays the advantage, Kuznetsov deftly puts out a toe to take the ball away from Lockheed before just about getting to it in time and driving it with desperate strength between fellow Bull Clavel’s feet. The game is forty-nine seconds old. Treason do what they have to do and take the game to their opponents, but too often their pressing leaves a gap for a smug Docker to find a comrade with a pinpoint pass. Brinemouth can’t rest on their laurels, that does them no good at all, and they try for a valuable second, but the defence of both sides is such that there’s no serious threat to either goalkeeper by half-time. That changes shortly after the interval. Lockheed heads a corner surely towards the top corner of the goal before, somehow, Ryan Bull gets to it and claws it over the bar. Soon afterwards, he denies Metzger one-on-one, and Idai Uster flashes a shot narrowly wide. Brinemouth legend Evelyn Conjure warms up. Evelyn Conjure steps on the field. In the 70th minute, Evelyn Conjure delivers. She taps the ball almost casually away from the bustling Jonsson’s feet, plays the ball to rue Cazade, starting an advance down the right which ends in Tidesson swinging in a cross towards the edge of the area, where she lurks. Overhit, a little? Perhaps, but no matter. A high boot brings the ball down, there’s one heavy bounce, and she drags it past Sale as the impetuous defender starts and finishes his charge. From there, all the veteran has to do is whip a beautiful, clean strike across Clavel and into the bottom corner. Treason strive to fight back, but fellow veteran Stig Soederquist bolsters the defensive effort, and ultimately Bull has little to do. Shoots of recovery and a brilliant result in isolation.

The Classic’s slightly younger, uglier cousin finds the same result. Crisisbless hosting Athletic is a genuine big-ticket affair even today, and here the subtly tougher, more energetic core is what tells. There’s audible gasps from the away end when, 1-0 down to a deft solo effort from Woakes in the 62nd minute, Athletic manager Tony Dalton takes off Oscar Coltrane. It makes sense. Coltrane is about sixty-seven years old and the Rams are getting slaughtered in possession. But you don’t take off Oscar fucking Coltrane with the game in the balance! In any case, Elsebeth Celustka somewhat stems the bloodflow but can’t dig out a decisive pass in the attacking third, and a perfectly downward-angled header from Valentin Germain makes it 2-0 Crisisbless in the 80th minute. The Moths go on a tear in the new capital as Tom Whittaker shoves one up his doubters with a second-half brace, though a missed penalty he insisted on taking denies him the hat-trick, while Starling leave it scandalously late - four minutes into injury time - to sink Chatswood. Roebling’s last, desperate cross hits Ozolx-Alfan’s instep, thrashes wickedly against the upright and is driven home by the fast reactions of Duchemin.

There’s something good happening at Goodfeather, who have in recent history more been a Mediocrefeather. The days of trashy journeymen propped up by the brilliant, beleagured Marisa Leitner are over, or at least starting to end, with brilliant young firebrands like Yente Shulthis, Kathil Mizumaru and Tremeka Godwin coming to the fore. All three of them score today while leftback Lyfaia Marav notches the fourth and sets up a fifth, for veteran substitute Wynona Short. Who is full of crap veterans? Their opponents, Cranequin City. Kreis and Skiff are cooked. So too perhaps is the goalkeeper Ledo. Crisisbless Athletic are the big winners at the bottom, manager Bess Gannon constantly screaming “MILLSI” from the sidelines. Is it for the midfielder Aljoscha or the winger Amethyst? It is a mystery, but both perform well, while Tristan Young powers home the only goal of the game from a neatly headed corner.

Brinemouth bury their 95X opponents fairly decisively, a strong selection taking the three points on a day where Bryger Tidesson wrests his way back into the spotlight. Crisisbless grind out a draw against Zoloroni; they’d have hoped for better, though it is the only result Zoloroni have dropped to date.

The Moths and Harriers could both use a day where their avenues of attack fire up, and both get one. Unfortunately, this is very much at the expense of their own defensive stability. The Moths open early and finish it late, goals in the 2nd and 87th minutes sandwiching a flurry of goals between the 30th and 62nd minutes. Stensholt equalises with a beautifully flighted strike from midfield before setting up Sigrun Rivers to drive home a go-ahead goal at the far post. The Moths level just after half-time through a direct free kick from Tom Whittaker, who snatches the ball off Swansea Reach to avenge himself on his former side, and he rather more prosaically heads the Moths in front in the 52nd minute. Shellshocked, a terrible backpass from Victoria Carroll to… to… well, it’s not entirely clear, but Cathal Turner ends up with it and takes it past Matthews, much to Whittaker’s frustration. He was right there! The cutback would’ve given him a hat-trick! Girardi gets one back, but the Moths’ coda finishes it at 5-3, an affair great for the neutral but offering neither manager much solace.

If you’re a Stahlburg City fan or from their PR operation, what is the most #banter possible way to stick it to Treason without even playing them? Simple. Get Kresimir Brujah in front of a microphone and tell him to improvise. The gist of the five-and-a-half minute rant he uploads to twii.tur is that, no, they aren’t scared of Brinemouth for winning the Classic because, frankly, Treason ain’t shit. This is bold when Treason are on top of the table. Even after stalling to bottom of the table Vermillion Wanderers and after Brujah, true to his word, pummels Brinemouth’s midfield and batters the room open for Tschauner and Henry’s goals to seal the day. The Stags hold out at the top by virtue of goals scored. Starling are third; they trash Stahlburg Rovers 4-0. Oddly, striker Antoine Duchemin is distinctly off the boil and gets taken off after 59 minutes for Vanna Pearce; perhaps the Ko-orenite is too used to unpicking disciplined, determined back lines and finds the Rovers too easy sport. Belgrave batter Leichhardt 3-0, United get an invaluable win in Aries and a late penalty save from Helene Corridan hands Chenoworth Rovers the three points over Vermillion.

Rudi Schubert’s Rangers are sitting pretty at 3-1 on the hour mark, to the point where, when Dzeneta Harker nearly decapitates Lenora Zender going for a header. Two goal margin, and besides, it’s only Bishop. Even when Faiza Huyton, the one really elevated player Bishop have, sends the free kick over the wall and dipping under Edmond, it’s no big deal. Especially when Chardonnay restore the advantage five minutes later through Miroslav Lodge, popping up to rifle home at the far post. Easy. And yet somehow they lose 5-4, Beckwith and leftback Visca Konrad clawing back the deficit before Bresonik joins Harker down the tunnel and beleagured defender Raynor Burchardt gives away an injury-time penalty, a cheap handball, slotted past Edmond. No red cards can be blamed when Pillars smash Rochford 3-0 away from home, they’re just… superior.

What is the difference between South Laithland and Leichhardt? Both were promoted together, a couple of years ago. They’re both fairly direct, defensively solid, not… terribly good to watch, from a neutral perspective. They’re both from the middle of nowhere, though at least Leichhardt is a proper city, not just a crossroads. But South Laithland are a proper team. Stevenson spends the match double-teamed masterfully by O’Connell and Pike, never able to escape, never able to work free, and rock-solid Southrons goalkeeper Gerhard Hartmuth snuffs out any other chance. Leichhardt’s captain, Misha Paterson, is out injured; without her bite and growl in midfield, Remy Dionne runs free as the supreme creative influence of the match even without a direct goal or assist himself. It’s 2-0 by half-time and while taking off striker Klempner for midfielder Cohen is the right move to regain midfield control for the Stargazers, it’s still, well, taking off a striker with two goals to make up. Less than popular, and while it mostly stems the blood-letting - O’Connell scores anyway with a near post header off a corner - they just can’t get back into the game.

Belgrave are not exactly the model of defensive solidity, and yet they hold on valiantly against Treason to take home a share of the spoils. Much credit is owed to Leda Tristram in goal, the former Diamondqueen stopper not only managing any number of saves from the acrobatic to the scrambling, but managing to calmly get the team passing the ball around the back. And when the Gargoyles have possession, the Stags can hardly stick it in the net, can they? It’s dull, but it does the trick. Brinemouth and the Moths have both looked undercooked this season, and they tear strips out of each other on a breezy afternoon by the seaside. The first half is all Moths, Tawny Shone following rue Cazade around like a benign but mildly disfiguring skin condition, and they’re left to wonder how they enter the break just one up. They pay for it by the 51st minute, doubly by the hour, with a quickfire brace for Bryger Tidesson as young leftback Muscadin’s focus breaks at crucial moments, but Cathal Turner grants them a deserved share of the spoils.

The Strongest and Cranequin City are occupying similar real estate, but in different ways. City were meant to be… more or less okay. Last season was meant to be an aberration. But every season they lose someone else, and it seems like it might have reached a critical point. Their midfield is just so, so callow. But they do have the talent; they have Louise Tsolakis, digging up chances from nowhere, sending one into the top corner, and they have Hakan Gryspos, the kind of man who can convert from the narrowest of angles seemingly through self-belief alone. The Strongest, though, are keeping their heads above water, not by treading water but just through, it seems, playing frictionless football without pressure. The fearlessness of young striker Rotariu, who chases a lost cause into the arms of Ledo to bundle a somewhat contentious goal over the line, is emblematic; the endeavour and industry of Aloysian March, developing into a genuinely promising leftback through the deep end, is rewarded with the equalising goal in injury time just as City thought they had three vital points against an unexpected relegation rival. One thing’s for cetain; better sides will look to plunder these two for their young bloods, no matter what happens.

The Alligators start strong and take an early lead, but rue Cazade strikes back on the half-hour and the Dockers ease into the hot seat, Danielle Jackson coming off the bench to provide the decisive winner. Crisisbless make relatively short work of Scott City, Moira Woakes the star, but it’s a fairly pedestrian win.

It would be a pity if Belgrave were allowed to become yesterday’s news. Unpleasant bougie club though they may be, under a sporadically insane manager, the little gremlins from north Sabrefell have kept their heads above water. A sharp, steady outfit galvanised by the dynamic presence of Kotaro Katsura, but also reassured by the presence of Casey Steward putting the fires out in midfield. Stahlburg City are their opposites and superiors, and a venture west represents a particular test for the Gargoyles. Manager Adalheid Metzelder piles pressure on herself by insisting before the match that “none of their midfielders would get in my team. If we end with less than a win and 60% of the ball, I’ll flay the lads.” Well, bad news; they end with 58% possession. But even Metzelder is probably happy enough with the result, Lewis Phoenix’s early header cancelled out by Keynes, reversed by Sloan and made irrelevant by Steward with goals difficult to describe, given their shared origin through a mass of patient, correct passing. Each time someone different stepped up to find the killer pass; each time, someone different on the end of it, and even rightback Finn Neumann should have put them three up at the end, finding himself the furthest man forward only to get vertigo and blaze over the bar. Food for thought for the Smiths.

Sabrefell Athletic had some fun in the office today. Stahlburg Rovers came out looking like a student coming out for an exam they haven’t studied for apart from some desperate, misguided cramming instead of actually sleeping, and that study not even turning out to be on the right chapter. Tired, sloppy, unprepared and, most damningly according to Reinhard Drake - who took off all three subs at half-time (4-0 down) only to be left with ten after 65 minutes (at 5-0 down), where Kunz went down with an injury - were ‘lazy’. Gere and Tomlinson finished them off, barely even celebrating the end of the rout. Athletic’s day got even better a couple hours later, when the Moths were distracted and complacent in defeat to lowly Vermillion Wanderers. Kalevi’s cross headed home by Saara; Kalevi’s cross headed home by Kruger. Sure, it’s a potent weapon but it’s literally the only one the Wanderers have! Learn to jump! Crisisbless United flare back to life with a one-sided 4-1 rout of Chenoworth Harriers, one of those days where former United talisman Sigrun Rivers’ ‘upward move’ to the Harriers looked, well… misguided. She still scored, and defiantly, resentfully fist-pumped. Starling stall to a scoreless draw against Cranequin, Crisisbless dumpster Coret 4-0 in the first half before easing off in the second, and a determined defensive effort from the Chariots - combined with the form of goalkeeper Fasolt Senninger - keeps the Crows at bay in a scoreless draw of their own.

Very on-brand night for Armstrong; Gratia Barker’s Paladins punch out their third straight 1-0 win. Diamondqueen, Bishop and now Mantlegrove going down in quick succession, and her muscular side are just rising higher and higher. Within mainstream Cathar Crisisbless, Catholic Bishop against Protestant Goodfeather is known as the Heathen Derby; if football is God’s battleground on Earth then They are trying to tell us that confessionals are bullshit. 3-0 is the final score, as the flighty Bishops are forced to the fringes of the match as the Quakers exert complete control over the midfield, clinical finishes from Godwin, Mizumaru and Shulthis contrasting with the tenative way that is all the Bishops know. The Strongest chalk up yet another impressive win in Corvette, Barossia very nearly take a point from the Saints before an 89th-minute heartbreaker from substitute Telviir, and River get decisively outplayed and outfought by a clinical Cypher.

AFC Southsands have accomplished the dream. Newly promoted to the fifth tier, the Conference East side have managed to claw their way to the Third Round, win the privilege of hosting a Premiership side - Southfell United making the short jaunt down to the coast - and actually scoring! Twice in succession! It’s a beautiful little cross from library assistant Aloe Morgan that sets up policeman Pearce Weber to stab home at the near post, before a poorly-defender corner is swept home by Law student Aidan Cauley. 0-5 is now 2-5, and though Lieschen Kuzener finishes them off with a late brace, it’s still a very respectable performance. And that performance from semi-professionals puts some of the other routs to shame; Ox River, battling to survive in the fourth tier, don’t even manage a shot with their 18% possession against Belgrave as they sink to a 6-0 defeat on home turf, while Ballardine striker Melody Forster equalises in the 30th minute to make it 1-1 against Corvistone… a match they’ll ultimately lose 8-1, giving away two penalties and having the fiery Matthias Vasquez sent off for an elbow on Bruenna Savo. Brinemouth are made to sweat against Serra Chilton’s Stars, a side sky-high on confidence and looking set to emerge from the Second Division with heads held high. Former Brinemouth goalkeeper Jakob Carter is man of the match with nine saves, Rosenstiel and Strong pull the scoreline level in the second half, and Farago rue Cazade has to come off the bench to bail the Dockers out at the death. Cranequin Wanderers come unstuck against the Hanged Man, all the pretty passing in the world crying out for some actual penetration. Normally a more defensive outfit, THM know to go for the throat where necessary; former Wanderer Olivia Selkie plays spoiler in goal, Merope Spyropoulos runs the show from holding midfield and goals from Stavros and Busch - a close-range header too hot for Sirleaf to handle - complete a turnaround and the scalp, while young guns Soler and Zender run rings around an … underseasoned South Laithland, some disappointment in the air as the side focuses on trying to keep their league aspirations first and foremost. “In fairness, Bishop are piss and we should have buried them regardless,” Harriet Michail says blandly after the game, the Southrons’ goalscorer. The Moths, Athletic, United, Stahlburg Rovers, Chatswood and Crisisbless all lose to fellow top-flight opposition, dramatically winnowing the field.

Admit it. We all secretly like it when, injury time, a crap team is leading a good team by a goal, a winger has the ball, all they have to do is take it into the corners and not get tackled and fuck it, they go for it. Here’s some context. Vermillion Wanderers are not very good. They’ve built for a long time to get here, but have discovered that many of their players just lack that extra sharpness expected of a Premiership footballer. North Laithland represent a test, and one they fail early on; Beltrame plays Foley into a gap in the defence, and the cutback to Thornwood is all too easy for the first goal, and while Catric Pinnon claws one back from a free kick, a darting far-post header - where was the marking? Where was the pressure on the winger Kendall? - makes it 2-1 by the half-hour. But the Wanderers fight back in the second half. Ihazintzu Malkorra flares into life with a clever disguised pass that Kruger should score but can only hammer into Krieven’s chest, before more successfully setting up Saara and scoring himself, driving a thunderbolt across goal that everyone seemed to think would just scrape wide but didn’t. And then it’s 3-2 by injury time, Kalevi’s got the ball - take it to the flag! Just take it to the fucking-- but she doesn’t, and Saara gets a glancing head on it that just takes it into Krieven’s hands, and he rolls it to Posipal, to Moritz, to Brindell, to Foley, and it’s 3-3. Seneca Matthews tries, desperately, to take it gracefully. “That’s our tax for having a brilliant young winger like Chantal. She’s absolutely won us points before. She’s cost us two there.” Regrets, Chantal? “None,” says the winger, defiantly. “The cross was on.” Matthews glares across the conference table with enough venom to poison a well.

Adalheid Metzelder is the number 1 figure to take over at Sabrefell Moths, according to Belgrave manager Adalheid Metzelder, but her transparent marketing pitch to the media goes unrewarded on the pitch, the very much still in situ Sur Arora overseeing a fairly vanilla 2-0 win. Treason come back from behind to manage a fairly conclusive 3-1 win over Vermillion Rage, the hot-headed Traudl Mrdja putting the Rage ahead before being sent off for putting her studs through McInnes’ knee. It’s 1-1 by that point, and the Stags are only too happy to take advantage of the gaps, though momentum was swinging their way regardless. It’s a good result made better by the failures of those in the chase, with Corvistone grinding to a half in a 1-1 draw in Chenoworth against the Harriers and Crisisbless somehow losing 1-0 to a resilient Chatswood, battered old soldier Ivana Henderson glancing home a header under pressure, Nova Williams enduring a hurricane at the other end. South Laithland add to Stahlburg City’s woes with a quietly commanding performance that doesn’t even allow the Smiths a proper shot on target, though their only one, a tame effort from Camille Lane, somehow slips between Hartmuth’s feet and is only barely clawed back on the line to avoid giving them an undeserved early lead. Dionne and Bergander strike in the second half to give the Southrons the result they deserve, continuing Stahlburg City’s recent tailspin.

Very on-brand night for Mantlegrove; Daniel Archer’s Dryads succumb to their third straight 1-0 defeat. Granted in a tough run of fixtures, but Cantra Duprey appears to be falling victim to the inexorable march of time. Understandable, she turns 33 next week, but the striker has just not quite done enough despite her heroics last season. Archer stands by her and her form, but just three goals? It’s a fairly goalshy week in general; a scoreless draw between the Otters and Diamondqueen, five other 1-0 wins besides Iron’s over Mantlegrove. Oh, and… the Bohemians beat unbeaten Parrhesia. 5-1. Mezei Orban was loving it, the North Sabrefell manager exulting as his side very definitively stuck it to all his myriad haters, Lothar Zander playing like Oscar Coltrane in his prime despite being Lothar Zander.

Both Brinemouth and Crisisbless are assured of progress with a game to spare, and both take the opportunity to rest a couple of players. Sorry, to ‘try some young bloods out in a high-pressure environment’. Anyway, neither wins; Kingsgrove’s own exuberant youth, Dreigiau Parrish, runs the show in midfield against Brinemouth while the Alligators are simply composed and resilient at the back.

IFCF Champions League Group F                                	BRE	NPH	NFX	VLD
1  Kingsgrove           	BRE   6  4  0  2  10   5   5  12 *	- 	0-1	2-1	4-1
2  Brinemouth           	NPH   6  4  0  2  12   8   4  12 *   1-2 	- 	1-2	4-3  
3  Cascadia             	NFX   6  3  0  3   8  10  -2   9 	0-2	0-3 	- 	2-1  
4  Metropolis Alligators	VLD   6  1  0  5   8  15  -7   3 	1-0	1-2	1-3 	-
*= Tie broken by head to head goals scored away from home

IFCF Champions League Group G                                	MRC	NPH	VLD	DAR
1  Zoloroni City        	MRC   6  5  1  0  14   5   9  16  	- 	3-1	2-1	2-1
2  Crisisbless          	NPH   6  3  2  1   9   6   3  11 	0-0 	- 	4-2	2-0  
3  Fontvielle Impact    	VLD   6  2  1  3  11   9   2   7 	1-2	0-0 	- 	5-0  
4  Scott City FC        	DAR   6  0  0  6   4  18 -14   0 	1-5	1-2	1-2 	-

Both sides, ultimately, will progress in second. Brinemouth are denied the top spot on what appears the slimmest of margins, but would have been behind on goal difference regardless and, really, they should have buried them at home anyway. Nobody in their group draws. Group G, meanwhile, is shaped by Zoloroni’s dominance and Scott’s fecklessness. No side is anywhere near their neighbours.

   Group D                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	NPH	KOR	HIN	VAL
1  Sabrefell Athletic   	NPH   6  4  0  2  12  11   1  12  	- 	1-3	4-3	2-1
2  Tanques AOE          	KOR   6  2  2  2   9   8   1   8 	0-1 	- 	2-2	1-1
3  Pascal Mashu         	HIN   6  2  1  3  10  10   0   7 *   3-1	1-2 	- 	0-1
4  Ibini FC             	VAL   6  2  1  3   6   8  -2   7 *   1-3	2-1	0-1 	-
*  Tie broken by goal difference

   Group E                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	CMT	NPH	OAM	ZWZ
1  Tihon                	CMT   6  4  1  1  15   9   6  13  	- 	1-1	3-2	3-1
2  AFC Treason          	NPH   6  3  2  1   9   5   4  11 	2-1 	- 	1-2	1-0
3  Cyrene Bay           	OAM   6  3  0  3  12  14  -2   9 	2-4	0-3 	- 	3-2
4  Arlington City       	ZWZ   6  0  1  5   6  14  -8   1 	1-3	1-1	1-3 	-

   Group G                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	VAL	COS	NPH	ASG
1  Hondo FC             	VAL   6  4  1  1  10   8   2  13  	- 	2-1	1-3	2-2
2  Pelethas United      	COS   6  2  2  2   9   6   3   8 	1-2 	- 	0-0	1-1
3  AFC Corvistone       	NPH   6  2  1  3   7   9  -2   7 	0-1	1-4 	- 	2-3
4  Sporting Iturributa  	ASG   6  1  2  3   7  10  -3   5 	1-2	0-2	0-1 	-

   Group L                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	VAL	KOR	NPH	NFX
1  SC Rinaldi           	VAL   6  4  1  1  10   5   5  13  	- 	2-0	0-3	1-0
2  Advance Alara        	KOR   6  3  0  3  12  12   0   9 	1-4 	- 	4-3	1-2
3  Sabrefell Moths      	NPH   6  2  2  2   9  10  -1   8 	0-0	0-4 	- 	2-1
4  University City      	NFX   6  1  1  4   6  10  -4   4 	1-3	1-2	1-1 	-

Four become two; nobody disgraces themselves here. Though, notably, all four matches to Ko-orenite opposition end in defeat. Sabrefell Athletic do the best, winning every match against those not of a Dragonfly persuasion to top the group. It’s the only two wins Tanques get, but that’s enough for them to take second. Treason join Tihon in progressing from a group shaped around the underperformance of Arlington City, whose sole point is won against Treason and stops the Stags taking top billing. Corvistone, bizarrely, get a result in all their away games but lose every home game; unsurprisingly, the result is not enough to progress. The Moths’ bad season finds a way to get worse with a fairly feckless exit from the Challengers’ Cup, the absolute nadir being a 4-0 defeat on home soil by Advance Alara.

The Rage barely have enough time to process what Helena Fleischer is doing on Tanrisal’s bench - even as their assistant - before they’re already down, Kawesa with a beautiful whipped strike in the third minute to beat Ramelow. The Rage never entirely settle, and Tani always keep subtly ahead of them across the rest of the game; Jonte Bestatter puts them two up just after the break, but Ramona Porter chimes in with a rare but welcome goal to give Vermillion a fighting chance.

Are the Crows now just a fixture of the big six? Well… the big seven, they’d make it. Starling don’t appear willing to cede their place judging by a valiant scoreless draw against Treason where they weathered a storm, 35 minutes of a man down thanks to Varina Roebling’s enthusiasm for cautions. And yet on paper the Crows aren’t quite at the top. An injury to Catley has stripped them down to shifting Ballista Meade, a striker, to the wing. Compare this to the glitz of Brinemouth, and a mostly fit Brinemouth at that. And yet Meade, bought from a Morningstar side relegated to the third tier on her watch, makes a mockery of all predictions with her pace and energy, simply harrassing the normally sure-footed Oliver Spencer into errors and openings, carving the way for two assists laid on to the waiting wolf, Baba Warrington, who both times sprints the length of the away end pumping his pelvis. But the Dockers fight back in the second half from a bewildered opening, and sometimes it’s skill like a Bryger Tidesson Gif Moment in the 49th minute, and sometimes it’s luck like the deflection that takes Saitou’s close-range stab past a sprawling Feldman. Belfast grimaces at the first and swears, extravagantly, at the first. Not to worry. The Baba provides, somehow, his first assist of the season, and that from a header on target. Ryan Bull acts brilliantly to tip it onto the post, but Meade’s striker’s instincts cause her to follow it in and drive only her second goal home. Sometimes, even the humblest player can tip the scales.

Or sometimes it’s one star player that can elevate a side. It isn’t so much the strikers, in Southfell’s 4-0 humbling of Leichhardt. Both Petrov and Stevenson are among the best strikers in the lower-midtable bracket, but Leichhardt’s usually rock-solid defence just kind of… congeals. And Laureline Forestier, unlike any Leichhardt player on the day, can get it to Petrov; though the finest goal of the day is her own, slipping inside Woodruff fast and tricksy enough to twist her blood, before a perfectly weighted chip over Adekoya’s head. Newrook come back from a 2-0 deficit at half-time to beat Chenoworth Rovers, with Gareth Penrooke going back to basics, 4-4-fucking-2, Nygard coming off the bench to score a brace with a decisive third from Cressida Voeller, who thrived in the second half after an indifferent start. Rovers manager Chris Waller rails about complacency; “How the fuck does a side in our position, and away from home, ever get comfortable?” Things turn sour at Sabrefell as the Moths succumb 1-0 at home to South Laithland, and it’s the first time that really the fanbase seems to turn on Sur Arora. It is a phenomenon that the Herald memorably describes as ‘Sur Arora’s Sour Aura’.

It’s a funny old game. Parrhesia United, freshly flattened 5-1, flatten Crisisbless Athletic 5-1. Adele Rosborough has her time in the sun, looking totally untouchable in the middle of the park, practically never missing a pass on route to two direct assists. North Sabrefell, who just flattened the best team in the league 5-1, draw 2-2 against the worst team in the league, Dartmouth Terriers. Who can believe that veteran striker Klaus Breisgau could do what Ann Reus could not? Klaus Breisgau can’t; “I’m 35, I come in like a fucking steamroller and people still find a way to be surprised when I come up in front of them.” Bishop take advantage of the gaps that the Strongest generously leave for them, winning 3-1, while River pulverise Rochrford 4-0 on what is, frankly, a horror day for Owls keeper Claire Libuda. Or maybe she’s just doing Ruby Gjasula a favour; the striker beats her at her near post for the first, she drops a cross from Villaverde right to her feet for the third and gets flustered in possession and basically fangs a goal-kick right into her for the fourth.

Tani get the better of Vermillion yet again, though the Rage almost replicate Tani’s opener last time around, Syrene Fleetwood crashing a strike into the upright post within the first four minutes. But Tani really just need a single goal to properly put the Rage under serious duress; Szigety gets it, then sets up Rukavina to loft above Ramelow on the stroke of half-time. Danica Heward pulls one back late on, but only that, hope long crushed.

Crisisbess take the tournament very seriously, as their squad selection reflects. Real claw it back to 2-1 on the stroke of half-time, but cannot convert it into a winning formula, and now face a truly daunting task to turn it around in the reverse fixture.

It really should be a win for Leichhardt. A side that does not really, you know, concede goals - a side that’s modelled on not conceding goals - scoring four goals against Sabrefell Athletic, uh. That should be a good day. Particularly given they’ve lost their last five without scoring. It is not a good day. Because Athletic score seven. They start off in routine fashion with veterans Coltrane and Tarala rattling off strikes from distance, and when Ernie Stevenson has the temerity to loft a long chip over the stranded Gautier, Ens and Fox make it 4-1 by half-time. And then, for about fifteen minutes after the interval, there is hope. Somehow, Winter shoves a spine back into the team. Stevenson, set up perfectly by a knock-down from Klempner, drives home one back, races to get the ball from the net. Three minutes later, Athletic go missing at the back and Arbizu, kind of just vibing forward, improvising a way until it takes him past everyone and all that’s left is a cool finish by Gautier’s near post. Is the comeback on? Nnnno. Coltrane’s free kick lands on Reinhardt for 5-3, Isusi and Tomlinson make it seven, and when Ernie Stevenson chests down a ball in flight and cracks home his hat-trick and dares to celebrate, Lara Winter chases after him and whips him repeatedly with her jacket.

Treason snap Southfell’s streak of four wins with yet another come-from-behind win, young midfielder Lothaire Cromwell making the most of a rare start to take the second half by the scruff. The Laithland derby sees something of a shifting of power. While North Laithland have been steadily doing well over the past few years, Hestia Canaan keeping them steady, South Laithland under Daniel Kunde and his whole ‘back to basics. Now strip them further back; those basics’ spiel have punched their way up. On a wet, swampy, Brenecian day in the Laith, well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure that that’ll help the direct, muscular side over the pacy, technical one, as the Spiders’ fast men get bogged down and a couple pinpoint headers from Matthias Bergander do the job. Vermillion, yet again, just get done by their own naivete and Corvistone are all too happy to take advantage, while Starling survive an oddly terrible first half before Franz Kesteren elevates them in the second half, scoring directly from a corner that Prant-Telew loses in the wind. Outspoken Stahlburg City midfielder Kresimir Brujah has just one question for the Smiths’ recent downturn; “What the fuck is going on?”

Dartmouth Terriers are the big winners of the day, edging a crucial six-pointer against Crisisbless Athletic. At the lower echelon of the First DIvision, it’s the kind of place where teams might have a couple, or a handful, of players above their station, surrounded by dross. Fiona Shrewsbury, despite a recent brief stint getting relegated from the Schottic second tier, still has what it takes to run a show from time to time. She picks a good moment for it, and Bronwyn Forrest’s battering-ram show makes room for her. In a similar vein, Cypher have a former Nephara international in their side. A former World Cup winger. Andrea Bereveskos is a legend at her hometown side and even at 34, playing a little inside of her preferred position, sometimes she can just turn it on. She’s blessed by having the support around her that can run for her, that can convert her passes, but you’ll see that in any uncertainty the first impulse is; get it to Drea. She sets up Rooke and Marconi before scoring twice herself, with a deft solo effort from Janna Sauthier the only goal she has no direct hand in, in an impressive 5-0 thrashing of a Chardonnay Rangers side that just never even compete in the middle of the park. North Sabrefell stomp Bridge 4-0 while Rochford come from behind to twist the knife in Cranequin City.

Crisisbless finish the job. 19-year old Thalassa Fletcher makes the most of her day out with a goal and an assist in the Moira Woakes role, 21-year old winger Till looks dangerous down the right, and the defence holds through a 3-0 win.

The Stags have never been above pragmatism. Flying at the top of the table they may be, but taking a point away from the Barbarossa will always be a good result, particularly as Athletic have scored seven goals twice in recent matches. They get none past Angel Clavel after a bitter, cynical game, and only a Gautier penalty save from Jonsson keeps Treason from a scarcely-deserved victory. “Should’ve just smashed it,” a pitchside mic overheard Cheney Bittencourt mutter. If it comes down to the final day, Crisisbless will have the easier fixture; they narrow the gap to a point with a narrow win over Cranequin Wanderers, while the Crows beat Belgrave by the same 1-0 scoreline courtesy of Rachel Arniston. Athletic round out the top four. In the chase, Starling, Stahlburg City and Brinemouth all drop points to midtable opposition. In Starling’s case, that’s the Moths, who are depressingly floundering this term in 11th. The board has already talked about ‘making certain the manager is a right fit’; surely ominous for Arora, who has consistently underwhelmed in the league and for the first time failed to make up for it with a strong international showing.

Not that a good run of games can’t still change a side’s fortunes in the matter of a month. Southfell’s 1-0 win over Stahlburg City completes a run of five in six games, which has elevated them from serious threat to thirteenth, two places and four points above the too-big-to-fail Chariots, who manage to draw an out-of-sorts Brinemouth. Leichhardt get an important smash-and-grab 1-0 win in Newrook to keep the Rooks within reach and draw level on points with Cranequin Wanderers, one above the resurgent Crisisbless United, whose impressive 2-2 draw with South Laithland draws yet more eyes to Shiida Roesler, who nets the leveller on her cameo. Voluntarily taking off playmaker Lukas Antelmi might have been unthinkable even a year ago. Chatswood are still waiting on Brandon Laithstrider to have a tangible positive effect, and the pressure is decidedly on after losing 1-0 (it’s that kind of week) to Stahlburg Rovers, former Alliance teammates Michalak and Sebring working together, the leftback setting up the right winger to smash home a diagonal ball. Rook Gilzean, between the posts for the Rovers, more than proves his worth, denying Chatswood’s admittedly toothless strikers time and again. Vermillion Wanderers scrape a draw with the Harriers, a good enough result under most circumstances but now they really, really need wins. They’ve been unlucky; their -10 goal difference is better than Chenoworth Rovers have in 14th. And yet three wins is simply not good enough.

We are at the point where any team taking points off the Saints is The Headline. Moreso when it’s Cra nequin City, who become the first team to keep a clean sheet against Parrhesia this season - 34-year old Stefan Ledo’s not done yet - and gloss it with a who’s-that-going-to-oh-fuck-where-did-Hakan-Gryspos-come-from throwback act, set up with Sasha Wheaton conjuring up memories of the player people thought she’d be. “The only thing that takes the gloss off that goal,” sighs Wheaton, “is that I can never enjoy passes like that because the fucking media keeps obsessing over how I was meant to do those all the time.” Sorry, Sash. Regardless, the Saints remain eight points clear of Creed, beaten impressively by Chardonnay, who remain eleven points clear of Armstrong, defeated by Brookford. They and the Bohemians close the gap, with even Iron’s disappointing draw against Pillars representing progress. But really, you could lock in the top two and almost certainly in that order, with the Saints remaining on-track for a record-breaking victory.

Unfortunately for those at the bottom, they’re beginning to split apart. Athletic, Pillars and the Strongest manage to keep their heads above water, though their battle is by no means over. Three points behind, Gonen’s Bridge claw their way to the playoff place with a valiant 4-2 win over Crisisbless Athletic, won their standard way through a hundred crosses. But remarkably, on a matchday where the top three all lose, not only Bridge but the two in the chase triumph; City, as mentioned, conquering the Saints to most likely keep Sigrid Cooper in a job, and Bishop beating Cypher 1-0 in a wretchedly tight affair. Faiza Huyton is starting to attain a practically godlike status among a Bishop fanbase that really hasn’t had much else to cheer about. No joy for a Dartmouth side who make it difficult for River and still lose. They’ve made it difficult for a lot of visitors… and still lost. And now they’re eight points adrift of even the playoff.

Poor, poor Vermillion Wanderers. Poor as in unlucky, and also in the quality of their performances. Fresh off beating Crisisbless, a win it must be said they’d probably rather have had in the league, they’re presented with the relatively easy draw of Ritter Town. Even wheeling out the men of yesterday, Falchuk, Valeski and Croxteth - the latter referring to the squad selection sarcastically as ‘the nursing home’s day out’ - they should still have enough to bury the 2Div side. But in a match desperately short on quality, the Stallions get the basics right; the May-December strike pairing of Crestwell, once of Sabrefell Athletic, and Tania Brummer each getting on the scoresheet, ferocious defending in their own area, Garrett Fairbank getting everywhere, and when it ultimately breaks down to penalties, they keep the marginally cooler heads. Bishop pick up a second and still more impressive scalp, a desperate piledriver from veteran Tory Jeanes snatching victory in Brinemouth. Gareth Blackthorn lambasts the complacency in his second- and third-string, and passes the mic to young striker Danielle Jackson, who… also lambasts the complacency in the rest of the side. “I expected better, coming here. I expected standards, yeah? Now I get my chance and it gets fucked by everyone else playing like shit.” Lay on the Styrn/Amokachi comparisons. Through patience, resilience and, yes, a blatant handball in the build-up to the winner, Rochford ease past Vermillion Rage 2-1, helped by the Rage losing their heads and getting players sent off in the 82nd, then 86th minutes. Claire Libuda, between the posts for the Owls, makes the most of her audition. Crisisbless Athletic pick up the other main scalp of the round, playing the game of their lives to bury a careless North Laithland 4-1. Leichhardt’s defeat to North Sabrefell is a genuinely distressingly poor match, the 1-0 scoreline at least putting a merciful end to the game after 90 minutes. The other Premiership sides to fall are the Chariots, edged 1-0 by Treason, Corvistone, beaten easily enough by Starling, and Belgrave, thoroughly outplayed and thumped by Newrook.

by **Nephara** » Tue Jun 30, 2020 4:39 am

Aries are on a Soli-tear! Seven wins on the spin, with some spectacular scorelines, albeit rather modest opposition on the whole. And perhaps that is what got them their swagger back, but their swagger is unmistakably back, with the aid of a spot of reshuffling - belatedly recognising that 35-year old goalkeeper Zaparas had entered the ‘directly costing them points’ twilight of their career certainly didn’t hurt. Alliance Barossia are their latest victims, trashed 5-1 with five different scorers. It’s not just the Yolanda Sparrow Show anymore; Zaparas’ replacement, 23-year old former Moths academy player Bryony Lindt, saves a penalty. Her presence throughout the run means she has yet to taste dropped points in her league career. Solitaire now sit second, though only four points split them from eighth, half the margin that separates them from Morningstar above.

Greygate 7-0 Mapleford highlights a couple of obvious talking points; Greygate good, Mapleford bad. That said, the Wardens have been undone by inconsistency all season, and a lack of creativity in midfield consistently undercuts them. Sure, they have clinical strikers and a good defence, but the latter is doing far too much work and the former not getting enough chances. What happens when the Wardens do get control over midfield? Well, this does. As for the Bantams, well... they just look overawed. Annika Miller, on loan from Parrhesia United and probably badly wishing she was involved in her parent club’s season instead, looks the most seasoned operator. And she just turned 21. Coraline Langbauer’s legs have utterly gone and she’s still the only actual goal threat the club has, her five goals roughly a quarter of the team’s tally.

There are some surprising top-half names of which the arguably most impressive and undeniably most boring are Sheridan, in 11th. They have the equal-best defence in the league… and the worst offense. Aris Daskalakis has a hemi-respectable tally of seven goals, which is decent for the scraps he’s been feeding off. More fun are Autumnstone, for whom veteran winger Tess Pell has reinvented herself from pace-merchant to all-conquering trickster, and Ballardine in eighth, who boast in Melody Forster among the league’s top marksmen and in Tigran Montague someone with an endless supply of bullets for her.

Extreme Hills’ chaotic situation is perhaps best summed up by an unlikely debut for fourth-choice goalkeeper Dorian Webster. Webster is actually seen as a promising talent within the side. A promising talent who turned seventeen a week before being called in to play 15 minutes against the Hanged Man. He acquitted himself about as well as he had a chance to, making the only save required as Hills won 3-0. In the next match, a visit to Stonegrave, he started; the Diggers had blatantly been instructed to shoot on sight, and while the teenager made no massive blunders, he was still beaten by his near post by Curtiz’s opener as Stonegrave cruised to a 2-0 win. Mercifully, Julian Alderweiss returned to fitness in time for their next match, a 2-0 win of their own in Mapleford. The Hounds lie safe enough in lower midtable.

Despite their precarious position, Locksley have pulled themselves a little out of the fire with thirteen points from their past five away matches. Aforementioned tough-to-break-down Sheridan were duly broken down 2-0, creaking West Brinemouth were creditably drawn 1-1, high-flying Peregrine were brutally brought down to earth in a 5-3 thriller - their veteran attacking midfield trident all getting on the scoresheet but cancelled out by promising forward Petra Rubesch alone - while bottom feeders Coret Rovers were buried 4-1. They’re only a point above danger, but Ulrich Esperance has undeniably drawn something from them. After all, those 13 points represent more than half the season’s tally...

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason               23  13  8   2  40  15  +25  47
  2 Crisisbless               23  14  4   5  34  14  +20  46
  3 AFC Corvistone            23  12  8   3  42  20  +22  44
  4 Sabrefell Athletic        23  11  9   3  46  21  +25  42
  5 Starling                  23  11  8   4  31  18  +13  41
  6 Stahlburg City            23  11  6   6  30  17  +13  39
  7 Brinemouth                23  10  7   6  43  34   +9  37
  8 South Laithland           23  11  4   8  25  24   +1  37
  9 Coret Hawks               23   9  8   6  43  29  +14  35
 10 North Laithland           23   9  8   6  35  30   +5  35
 11 Sabrefell Moths           23   8  9   6  35  22  +13  33
 12 Vermillion Rage           23   9  5   9  32  31   +1  32
 13 Southfell United          23   9  4  10  33  33   +0  31
 14 Chenoworth Rovers         23   8  4  11  24  35  -11  28
 15 Aries Chariots            23   7  6  10  24  26   -2  27
 16 Belgrave                  23   7  5  11  28  38  -10  26
 17 Newrook City              23   7  5  11  27  41  -14  26
 18 Chenoworth Harriers       23   7  5  11  26  46  -20  26
 19 Cranequin Wanderers       23   5  8  10  17  25   -8  23
 20 Leichhardt                23   6  5  12  20  37  -17  23
 21 Crisisbless United        23   6  4  13  21  43  -22  22
 22 Chatswood                 23   5  5  13  14  29  -15  20
 23 Stahlburg Rovers          23   5  3  15  19  51  -32  18
 24 Vermillion Wanderers      23   3  8  12  25  35  -10  17

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United           23  20   1   2  60  17  +43  61
  2 Creed United               23  17   2   4  55  25  +30  53
  3 Armstrong                  23  13   3   7  28  24   +4  42
  4 North Sabrefell            23  12   5   6  45  26  +19  41
  5 Brookford Otters           23  11   6   6  32  23   +9  39
  6 Iron City                  23  10   8   5  33  19  +14  38
  7 Raven River                23  11   4   8  49  37  +12  37
  8 Chardonnay Rangers         23  10   7   6  34  32   +2  37
  9 Cypher Town                23  10   5   8  31  25   +6  35
 10 Goodfeather FC             23  10   4   9  42  30  +12  34
 11 Corvette Maulers           23   9   6   8  28  33   -5  33
 12 Diamondqueen               23   8   6   9  32  28   +4  30
 13 Barossia United            23   6  12   5  30  27   +3  30
 14 Corinthians No Longer      23   8   5  10  36  38   -2  29
 15 Mantlegrove                23   7   7   9  23  26   -3  28
 16 AFC Serpentine             23   8   4  11  28  33   -5  28
 17 AFC Rochford               23   6   7  10  22  32  -10  25
 18 Crisisbless Athletic       23   6   7  10  23  38  -15  25
 19 Pillars of Southfell       23   6   6  11  23  32   -9  24
 20 The Strongest              23   6   6  11  31  49  -18  24
 21 Gonen's Bridge             23   5   6  12  30  51  -21  21
 22 Cranequin City             23   5   5  13  16  36  -20  20
 23 Bishop                     23   5   2  16  21  44  -23  17
 24 Dartmouth Terriers         23   3   4  16  12  39  -27  13

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Morningstar            23  15  5   3  42  18  +24  50
  2 Aries Solitaire        23  12  6   5  40  29  +11  42
  3 Peregrine              23  12  5   6  41  27  +14  41
  4 Alliance Barossia      23  12  5   6  32  21  +11  41
  5 Riverkey               23  11  6   6  29  18  +11  39
  6 Hackett                23  12  3   8  30  21   +9  39
  7 Greygate               23  11  5   7  35  20  +15  38
  8 Ballardine FC          23  11  5   7  24  19   +5  38
  9 Autumnstone            23  10  5   8  30  28   +2  35
 10 Boltcroft Thorns       23   9  7   7  29  27   +2  34
 11 Sheridan               23  10  3  10  18  18   +0  33
 12 Gosmouth Swans         23   9  6   8  27  28   -1  33
 13 West Brinemouth        23   7 10   6  20  21   -1  31
 14 Stonegrave             23   8  7   8  23  25   -2  31
 15 Falston United         23   8  5  10  25  23   +2  29
 16 The Hanged Man         23   9  2  12  20  21   -1  29
 17 AFC Shale              23   9  2  12  19  24   -5  29
 18 Extreme Hills          23   7  7   9  32  41   -9  28
 19 Locksley               23   6  6  11  30  32   -2  24
 20 Ritter Town            23   6  6  11  19  26   -7  24
 21 Brokenarch             23   7  2  14  17  36  -19  23
 22 Mapleford              23   5  5  13  21  36  -15  20
 23 Rochford Pilgrims      23   5  4  14  22  45  -23  19
 24 Coret Rovers           23   5  3  15  20  41  -21  18

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lazuli Diamonds              23  13   6   4  61  24  +37  45
  2 Kommissar                    23  13   6   4  48  19  +29  45
  3 Lockheed Zenith              23  13   5   5  44  25  +19  44
  4 Crossroads Town              23  13   2   8  33  29   +4  41
  5 Ingram Township              23  10   8   5  26  13  +13  38
  6 Riverkey Shells              23  11   4   8  32  30   +2  37
  7 Brindleton                   23   9   9   5  35  24  +11  36
  8 Strephonage                  23  10   6   7  21  16   +5  36
  9 Southriver                   23  10   5   8  34  28   +6  35
 10 Kensey Town                  23   9   8   6  38  35   +3  35
 11 Downsparrow                  23   8   9   6  29  31   -2  33
 12 New Oakstone Phoenix         23   9   5   9  30  29   +1  32
 13 Crownsend Journey            23   8   8   7  29  33   -4  32
 14 West Hook                    23   8   7   8  26  31   -5  31
 15 Constance Park               23   6  12   5  32  32   +0  30
 16 Cranequin Souths             23   9   2  12  21  32  -11  29
 17 Hartford Glade               23   7   7   9  32  39   -7  28
 18 Martella Jazz                23   7   6  10  32  35   -3  27
 19 East Laithland Harriers      23   8   3  12  36  42   -6  27
 20 Caldwick Strand              23   8   3  12  22  35  -13  27
 21 Iron United                  23   6   5  12  26  43  -17  23
 22 Ox River United              23   4   5  14  17  37  -20  17
 23 FC Seierstad                 23   4   4  15  23  39  -16  16
 24 South Parrhesia              23   3   5  15  24  50  -26  14

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Harrington              23  14  5   4  39  25  +14  47
  2 Iberia Chenoworth       23  13  5   5  51  23  +28  44
  3 Sirencall FC            23  13  4   6  40  28  +12  43
  4 Rushe United            23  13  4   6  39  30   +9  43
  5 Besand's Folly          23  12  5   6  36  26  +10  41
  6 Grovebank               23  10  7   6  29  20   +9  37
  7 Sutcroft Athletic       23   9  8   6  32  26   +6  35
  8 Lindmark Falcons        23   9  7   7  39  36   +3  34
  9 Ringway                 23  10  4   9  30  30   +0  34
 10 Chenoworth Teutons      23   9  7   7  20  21   -1  34
 11 Lindwurm Delta          23  10  2  11  33  29   +4  32
 12 Sutcroft                23   8  8   7  32  31   +1  32
 13 Fischer                 23   8  4  11  44  47   -3  28
 14 AFC Hellerine           23   6  8   9  34  42   -8  26
 15 Courser                 23   7  4  12  26  38  -12  25
 16 AFC Feuerweiss          23   6  4  13  35  47  -12  22
 17 Boleyn Town             23   5  7  11  26  39  -13  22
 18 Moxstone Fortune        23   6  4  13  20  34  -14  22
 19 Fenland Albion          23   5  5  13  18  29  -11  20
 20 Stonesthrow Town        23   2  8  13  18  40  -22  14

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rookwall                  23  14  5   4  38  23  +15  47
  2 AFC Southsands            23  13  3   7  39  32   +7  42
  3 Fully Sick XI             23  12  5   6  43  27  +16  41
  4 Bodkin Road               23  12  5   6  34  21  +13  41
  5 Northside Eagles          23  11  5   7  52  30  +22  38
  6 Corvistone City           23  12  2   9  30  19  +11  38
  7 Brunyard FC               23  11  5   7  40  30  +10  38
  8 The Travellers FC         23  11  5   7  41  32   +9  38
  9 Long Lake                 23  10  7   6  26  20   +6  37
 10 Latin Enclave FC          23   9  5   9  34  38   -4  32
 11 Twelvetrees               23   8  7   8  28  23   +5  31
 12 Brookford Vantablack      23   9  4  10  41  48   -7  31
 13 AFC Burchess              23   6 10   7  28  36   -8  28
 14 Longwinter                23   7  6  10  29  36   -7  27
 15 Barhara Cavaliers         23   8  2  13  31  43  -12  26
 16 Aries Tigers              23   6  6  11  42  51   -9  24
 17 Gridlock                  23   5  8  10  16  30  -14  23
 18 Shimmering Quay           23   6  4  13  33  44  -11  22
 19 AFC Volksgarten           23   5  4  14  23  42  -19  19
 20 Markoni                   23   3  6  14  18  41  -23  15

by **Nephara** » Fri Jul 03, 2020 10:14 pm

The defiant banners in the away end say it all; ‘Southfell is Sabrefell’, and ‘Southfell reeks of piss’. Perhaps that just gets Southfell angry, as the city of leatherworking plays host to the Moths getting flayed. There is absolutely nowhere to hide. Lyzolda Petrov dances inelegantly between Jabelon and Shone before hooking a strike, off-balance, past Griffin that the Euran would have saved two years ago, before a rather more prosaic second arrives by Antun Stankovic’s chest glancing Anselm’s corner in. Anselm herself makes it three through a similarly clumsy but efficient method, sliding in to drag home an incisive pass from the rightback, Bowyer. 3-0 by half-time. 4-0 by the hour, darting striker Lieschen Kuzener making the most of a rare start to stab home at the near post, and really does the Moths’ consolation even matter? Maybe in the context of it being Tryphon Archer’s career first, the burly teenage striker charging down a rushed clearance from Stankovic, evading a homicidal challenge from Ellis and just kind of powering home on raw instinct. But no, nobody else is particularly minded to celebrate. The stench of death hangs overhead.

Belgrave, at their best, are a dizzying sight to watch. Unfortunately for the Harriers, now is their best. The bloody teenager Rook Timekeeper exerts an almost effortless control over the midfield, allowing the Gargoyles’ forwards and creative players to, well… to have fun. And fun they assuredly have, with the typical Kotaro Katsura masterclass paving the way for a 3-0 win in which Belgrave have 71% of the ball and Tristram needs only make a single save, an admittedly sharp effort from Kou from which Tristram begins the long, flowing move of possession that leads to Belgrave’s second. Leichhardt stun Crisisbless 2-1 as an unexpected first start of the season for Felicia Brind, an added body in midfield with sharp movement and quick wits, proves the difference. Why Brind? “It’s her 21st birthday,” says Lara Winter, deadpan. “Everyone’s 21st should be special.” Stahlburg Rovers fight their way back from 3-0 down at half-time to draw Aries Chariots, which is somewhat less romantic when this is in part due to a missed offside and a frankly deplorable penalty call.

Mantlegrove centre-half Batsheva Letang has an… eventful match. In an eventual 2-1 win over North Sabrefell, the young defender gives away a penalty for what can only be described as a Mordhau on Numenen, atones for it by clearing the rebound after Venator saves it, heads home a corner at the other end before getting sent off in injury-time for essentially suplexing Levy in pursuit of a long ball, a brutal professional foul. By the end, she has a new nickname; ‘Batshit Letang’. “Great,” she says after the fact, less than impressed. “Not like I went through all of fucking school being called that.” But batshit at least beats dogshit, such as Anders Rowett trying to restart play for the trailing ex-Corinthians in injury time, forgetting to actually let go of the ball and essentially hurling it into the net to make it 2-0 to the Dragons. He would later blame ‘panic’. Cranequin and Dartmouth stall out to a draw that helps neither, while the Strongest claw back a 2-0 half-time deficit to beat Armstrong.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Even if your fire is much smaller, paler and inexpensively assembled than their fire. Everyone hears Metzelder’s talk about how Belgrave will ‘beat Brinemouth at their own game’ but just kind of tunes it out, like anyone living a flat away from an old lady with a yapping dog. It’s mild by her standards. It will be thoroughly vindicated. From the first minute, the Gargoyles surge forward in careful numbers to keep the Dockers off-balance, and while for a time Brinemouth pass rings around them fairly easy - Kasmiir’s combination of imposing physicality and delicate footwork proving invaluable - Belgrave prove even more slippery when they do get the ball, as they do when a misplaced pass from Soederquist is, well, misplaced to Timekeeper. His job is simple; get it to Katsura. He gets it to Katsura. Katsura races between Soederquist and Kasmiir, tricks Steele into overcommitting one way, goes the other and slots low past Bull, a brilliant solo effort executed in a matter of seconds. Now Brinemouth need the ball. And now Belgrave have it, and they aren’t ready to relinquish it. Fearlessly keeping possession under pressure becomes oddly fascinating as you expect the inferior Gargoyles to blow up at any moment, but it never happens; Brinemouth only have two shots on target all game, though both force very impressive saves from Leda Tristram, just going to show how quickly and decisively a top side can hurt you. Here, though, Metzelder claims her scalp. And no, she doesn’t shut up about it.

Southfell are on a roll; they knock down North Laithland by the same 4-1 scoreline, aggressive pressing exerting a dominant influence over a North Laithland side that was just never allowed to settle. Not that Hestia Canaan was minded to give them the excuse: “They were waiting for an invitation to relax and strangely enough the Tanners never felt that accommodating,” she despairs. The chastened Moths enter the Barbarossa with no greater expectations than to avoid a massacre, despite brave words pledging victory and ‘we go again’ and such; the defence, at least, redeems itself in the cauldron of hate, as does Robert Griffin rolling back the years between the posts. Vol comes off the bench and very nearly steals it, ramming a header against the crossbar. They’ll take the point, but then, should the Moths really ever be happy with a scoreless draw? Crisisbless knock Treason off their perch with a composed, fluid 2-0 win, passing circles around them with Quintero and Germain offering the finishing touches, Leichhardt dominate Coret on the east coast to intensify the pressure on Nick Feeney while the Rovers share the spoils after a tense 2-2 draw.

The sisters are squabbling in central Sabrefell. Then again, maybe that isn’t the right metaphor; it implies River put up any sort of fight. A brave decision to put Claudia Escrow out to pasture and let Rusnak and Bowman roam behind Isring in a Christmas tree formation, and that stresses River’s midfield to breaking point. Zalzaria can’t cope, Diamondqueen totally flood the midfield and sorely test goalkeeper Selina Carver, who does well to stem the tide. It’s 3-1 by the 39th minute, which sees shadow striker Beridze hauled off for holding midfielder Ruthers to try and offer more support. She looks more relieved than insulted, but the damage is done; late strikes from outside the box from Rusnak and Creek finish River off. Dartmouth batter Corvette 4-2 as Keshet Brenner creates everything good from the left flank, while Cranequin grind out victory against Bridge thanks to their inability to defend Gareth Unworth’s long throw-in. Hakan Gryspos capitalises in characteristically ugly-but-efficient fashion.

Oh, had you forgotten about Starling? Perhaps Corvistone had. Today was a day where the old new guard hosted the new new guard, both sides in green, the sole relevant side from large towns. The narrative had been that the Passerines were in freefall, their sale of Liam Armstrong a white flag and their signing of Franz Kesteren a show of desperation, but that hasn’t been borne out by results or performances. Strangely, the unheralded Brenecian midfielder Alexandra Price has actually stepped up well in light of a recent injury to Roxel; against the Crows she is everywhere, snapping, biting, and getting the ball back forward. The warning signs are there in the first half, Hadrian Belfast left to berate an overly permissive defence and to thank Feldman between the posts, but the Passerines take it up a further gear in the second half, overwhelming them with an onslaught. Duchemin’s brace sandwiches a beautiful arcing free kick from Kesteren. Lisa Amos looks quietly content; job done.

The axe finally falls in Sabrefell. The Moths’ defence parts like the Red Sea in the face of Newrook City’s unique tactics of ‘running at it, with pace’. Already 3-1 down by half-time, the jeers are overwhelming and someone hits the ineffective winger Annika Cashin with a coin. Sharp-faced local Ysabet Belgrade, brought on for Imriel Townsend, has the only moment of quality in the second half, driving suddenly down Kohler’s throat before sweeping the ball between Iarrow’s feet, and doesn’t even celebrate. Sur Arora, a man of honour, resigns; that’s an uncommon gesture in Nephara, where most local managers cling on for their full payment, and triggers an unusual outpouring of affection from the Moths fans. But the results have just been unacceptable this season. A resurgent Leichhardt demolish Chatswood 3-1 but might have done them a favour by seriously injuring winger Reis Caulker, who has been a shadow of his best this season, Stahlburg Rovers win a vital six-pointer over Cranequin and Stahlburg City unleash their dirtiest urges in a brutalist draw against Crisisbless.

Creed manager Catheline Harper has no time for searching questions in the aftermath of a dreary 1-0 defeat to Serpentine. 20-year old striker Camilla Martin shows her inexperience by butchering a couple clear chances, Barbarouses has an indifferent game, and Briggs generously allows her former side to beat her at her near post for the only goal of the game. Says Harper; “This is only a story ‘cause we’re so good. We are ordinarily so flawless-- so don’t waste my time. We’re sailing to promotion and that was always the goal, this changes nothing, we’re still a lock.” By contrast, Gonen’s Bridge manager Jakob Mortimer is furious after a sloppy failing of the basics lets them down against the Maulers, who crash to a 3-1 win. “All we ever did last year, which is why it ended so well, was the basics. Get them right, the rest will come. Now the lads let balls bounce in the penalty area? Now Augustine [Catapan, the goalkeeper] can’t catch a cross? Fuck me, man, there’s only so much the manager can do. At least Roanna’s [Murin] still firing.” Actually, even Murin’s deflected strike is eventually recategorised as an own goal, Durant’s heel credited in the end.

The Moths act quickly and controversially, making the short jaunt across the city to steal Adalheid Metzelder from Belgrave. The mercurial manager promises extensive changes, a youth-based renewal and the ‘systematic murder of sacred cows’. That starts, apparently, with a 4-3-3, the underutilised Lorena Strausz added to bulk up the midfield, and Ysabet Belgrade starting over weary Townsend on the right wing. The reshuffle seems to take Crisisbless by surprise; they’re harried to wit’s end all over the pitch, twice split open on the counter with two lethal finishes from Cathal Turner, who looks a man reborn. As for Belgrave? “The Gargoyles will be safe without me,” Metzelder insists. “My assistant will take over; the man is a genius, but I can’t stand him. I would have murdered him if I’d had to wait much longer.” The man, Lexus Ulreich, declares himself ‘the brains of the operation from the beginning’ before sending out his charges to lose 3-1 in Aries.

Treason take another body-blow. Chatswood have absolutely no excuse for staying in the derby, and yet they survive the first half-hour thanks to a determined defensive effort, go ahead when Antosch rams home Prentice’s corner, and cling on for dear life. Metzger does eventually thrash home a leveller but it should have been more, and poor finishing is in large part to blame. “We got frustrated, we rushed things,” sighs Cheney Bittencourt. Brinemouth’s finishing can’t be faulted; eight shots, seven on target, six goals against Vermillion Rage. The Rage make for obliging opponents, with a midfield composed in possession but crying out for someone to just sit on rue Cazade’s neck. Leichhardt captain Misha Paterson atones for a horribly scuffed penalty in the first half by scoring the only goal against Stahlburg Rovers, the one person with a clear head in a goalmouth scramble, while Ihazintzu Malkorra’s screaming wonderstrike against South Laithland is, rather sadly, outdone by two dreadful scrambled goals at the other end to add to Vermillion Wanderers’ woes.

Both Creed and Bridge get back on track; the Oathmen crush the Strongest 3-0, Retta Conrad with all three assists from raking crosses - “just ‘cause we know what’s gonna happen doesn’t mean it’s so easy to stop it,” grumbles the Strongest defender Lene Wiseman - while Bridge grind out an ugly win over Chardonnay, the referee apparently having a Kanerva Herron-shaped blind spot when it comes to fouls in the build-up, Remus Antrim overheard clearly by a pitchside mic memorably calling her a ‘hippo cunt’. North Sabrefell continue to swoon gently towards mediocrity, Pillars executing a straightforward plan of going up 1-0 in the fourth minute - Freischutz’s strike squirrelling through Volland’s hands - and clinging on desperately for life. And, yeah, Parrhesia bulldoze Goodfeather 5-1 away.

Southfell and Newrook are unfortunate; they’re the only fully Premiership matchup. Midtable sides with no real stake in the league table, they go for it with everything they have. Well. In theory. Actually, the pressure seems to get to both sides. It’s a grinding match, heading right for a draw until Cressida Voeller throws caution to the wind and sweeps a rocket into the underside of the crossbar from well outside the box. Could Spyrakis have done more than stand still and look impressed? Perhaps. Still, it’s the only goal of the game. Surprisingly, Stahlburg City are far less cagey. They even seem to enjoy the opportunity to really go hammer-and-tongs at the Bishops, but that opportunity becomes a necessity when strikes from Soler and Leskosek put Bishop 2-1 up by half-time. But City dominate the second, peppering the goal before Shi and Lane claw back the win. Crisisbless Athletic put AFC Treason to the fire, muscle and discipline keeping the Stags out of the best positions. Kaskanis’ goal is eventually levelled by John Fletcher, who simply overpowers Young to crash home a cross, but industrious Athletic keep the Stags waiting until penalties. They won’t be denied forever, sadly; five in the corners. The Hanged Man go one better, from a league below and vising away, beating Coret on penalties to add another to a string of impressive scalps. Iron City are the only other lower-league opposition in the quarterfinals, a muscular and composed victory over North Sabrefell paving their way.

There’s set to be an eyewatering Vermillion derby next season… when Parrhesia make it back to the top flight. As things stand, the Wanderers seem like a poor replacement. Here, Seneca Matthews belatedly waves the flag of surrender in midfield; Asher Vedder bulks up the midfield over Catric Pinnon, meaning that the side is essentially reliant on the wingers Malkorra and Kalevi to provide any creativity. So just shut down crosses, right? Well, no, because Malkorra’s been encouraged of late to, as Seneca Matthews can be overheard screaming from the touchline, ”JUST TWAT IT!” Followed shortly by; ”YES CUNT!” as the ball flies past Ramelow. The Rage still have an hour to respond, and do so quickly; Mrdja and Konse double-team Parissis, the leftback normally cool under pressure but scuffing the ball to nowhere in an attempt to get out of trouble, and Konse scythes through a pass for Fleetwood to deftly tuck past Randwick, clanking against the inside of the post on the way in. And unfortunately, defensive frailty gets them again on the stroke of half-time, a cheap midfield turnover from Vedder allowing Fleetwood to play in Porter, who 95% of the time would cross from the edge of the box but here sees Randwick in a slightly dubious position and smashes the ball first-time past his near post. Solid in the second tier, Randwick’s just become ever so slightly mediocre by the exacting standards of the top flight; that sums up the Wanderers as a whole, really. Try though they might, there’s no way through Rage’s aggressive pressing in the second half.

Corvistone take a point from the Barbarossa. It’s a match noteworthy for two things: 1) Hadrian Belfast, as usual, gets his smattering of polite applause at his Athletic homecoming. He’s actually from Chenoworth and spent his best years at Dwile, but he’s still considered Athletic through and through somehow. 2) Baba Warrington, after chesting down and volleying home a late leveller in one smooth motion, rips off his shirt to reveal a sick new chest tattoo reading ‘I AM THE BEAST I WORSHIP’. Treason edge Stahlburg Rovers, but again the finishing is poor and, honestly, McInnes is offside when she sets up the winner for Metzger. Franz Kesteren mutters something to the press about the way Brinemouth ‘discarded’ him, and evidently he’s still mad judging by a virtuoso display at the point of Starling’s attack. Two assists, a goal from a free kick… and a red card for brutally chopping down Otalia Kasmiir in the 73rd minute. 4-1 at the time, Tidesson scrapes one back but it remains a hugely impressive win for the Passerines.

Bishop go to the Bridge and claw a 1-0 win in a rather comical game. It would be a little reductive to just say it’s a matter of the Warriors’ hulking, ogrish brutes clomping around the pitch, trying to swat Bishop’s tiny, agile youths. Nevertheless, that’s… pretty much what it looks like, Faiza Huyton ultimately breaking clear of Seitz and arrowing home the only goal of the match. Barossia United pile on the pressure in North Sabrefell, a feckless performance from the Bohemians resulting in a thoroughly deserved 4-1 defeat. At times the Bohemians look too terrified to just… pass the ball forward, and as a result miss out on all the delicious incision that the likes of Mastiff and Ciman can conjure for a thrillingly powerful performance.

A fairly muted affair in which Olympia’s firm foundations hold out against Crisisbless’ gifted but disjointed attack, with a late equaliser from Quintero sparing the Heelers’ blushes.

Not everyone at the bottom is under pressure. Yes, things are not going well for the Chequers right now but Tim Maitfield remains quietly confident, almost relaxed, and the fans believe in him. This is his first real relegation battle with a side running on fumes, but it’s immense testament to his abilities that he’s kept United out of relegation struggles until now. Spirits are high as they visit Crisisbless, and they scorch the Heelers with an early flurry of chances not quite backed up by finishes - Carter darts between two men to sidefoot Ronayne’s low cross slightly wide, Antelmi skims the top of the crossbar with a sizzling free kick. Marshall and Swanmore test Na’Kefir before the Cosumarite flounders, only able to parry a weak shot from Marshall into Carter’s path. This one the young striker doesn’t miss. Chris Maarsden is fuming on the sideline, and United might just do this! It’s only 23 minutes in… but that also means it’s only 23 minutes in. They ease off the pressure a little and Crisisbless almost immediately make them pay, slack marking allowing Woakes to find Germain for a simple finish in the 42nd minute. The Heelers sink their teeth into United in the second half and don’t let go. Suddenly it’s the Chequers under pressure, Rina Lazareva with scrambling saves to twice deny Quintero. In the end, though, she’s left stranded when a pinpoint long ball from Abylon is neatly trapped on the chest - the shoulder, perhaps? - of Germain, then crashed into the stanchion behind her. By now, it seems clear that United are just out of breath and of their chances to get back in the game, and Crisisbless making it three through a smartly rifled effort from Beruka Danning is a footnote. But United aren’t done yet in the league.

In the other big derby of the round, Stahlburg Rovers chalk up a massive win for their survival hopes and general morale. It’s the simplest of goals, one very much to manager Reinhard Drake’s taste, Nikica Taylor passing to overlapping fullback Michalak, the cross flicked along to no-man’s-land by the stretching Dulcina Radcliffe, and Corona Sharpe takes advantage of City’s social distancing to tap home at the far post. A game of few chances, neither side really opening up the other. Vermillion Wanderers centre-half Marcia Falchuk costs her side points with something of a senior moment. Tame diagonal ball from Roebling trickling to nowhere between Falchuk and goalkeeper Randwick? How about you unnecessarily try and pass it back to the goalkeeper? Except by nutmegging him and rolling the ball into the open goal? Seneca Matthews contemplates murder on the bench. The Moths destroy Chatswood 5-1 in a throw-off-the-shackles performance like hasn’t really been seen this season, Metzelder basking in the love, while Cranequin Wanderers edge out Leichhardt 1-0 with the help of Koellner’s handball on a diagonal cross from Riaz.

Necessity breeds invention. Despite a flurry of injuries ruling out the likes of Rudkine and Duprey, Mantlegrove absolutely pummel Chardonnay Rangers 4-0, with veteran Qusmi midfielder Avarn-Forzu coming back into the side and absolutely dumpstering the Rangers’ spine. Ohashima, who had shifted to leftback to cover Rudkine, reminds everyone she’s equally proficient in both positions and sets up the opener. And as for Duprey missing? Lothar Cash’s brace sees the young local draw level with her on five goals for the season, and he may be the better bet for the future. His strength is much appreciated, and plays well off Kondou. Bishop win yet again, and Creed pulverise Cypher 5-0 in the Laithmarch.

Valentin Germain strikes early with a coolly-taken finish, allowed to drift wide down the right before being found by Longship, beautifully finding the corner. The Heelers sit on it, aggressive and disciplined, and hold out for the victory.

Battered and beaten, but Treaon persist at the summit. Twice they’re beaten back at home by Cranequin Wanderers and twice they claw back level, and while they wouldn’t please, say, Brinemouth fans at all, Treason’s support never wavers and appreciates the spirit even on a day where technique and class desert them. But now there’s a team breathing down their neck… Starling. The Passerines brush Belgrave aside 2-0 and stand just a point behind, thoroughly assured and mature and well above the sum of their parts. 3rd and 4th lose to 5th and 6th to dramatically close the gap; specifically, Crisisbless misfire against Corvistone and Athletic are simply overpowered by a flaring Brinemouth outfit. Terrifyingly, rue Cazade has finally hit his peak form. Or perhaps, more terrifyingly, maybe he hasn’t yet. The rather unfashionable team in seventh is just South Laithland, solidly impressive in 3-1 victory in Vermillion over the Rage. This season is a resounding success even if they don’t quite stay there, with Stahlburg City, North Laithland and, perhaps if Metzelder can work her magic, even the Moths in a position to challenge.

There’s sudden concern for the future of Belgrave, whose new manager, Lexus Ulreich, has nobly guided them to four defeats from four. Adalheid Metzelder does her old assistant a good turn, informing the press that “while I dearly wish Lex was incompetent and useless, he’s going to be fine.” Their gap to danger is cut down to an assailable five points. Still, they aren’t quite in the mire yet; the Harriers very much are, a point above the Wanderers in 21st but with a vastly inferior goal difference, an uninspired 1-0 defeat to Newrook not providing what they need. Stahlburg Rovers climb out of danger, coming from behind to beat the Moths 2-1 with Rook Gilzean saving a late penalty to deny their hosts an equaliser. It’s the first time the Moths have dropped points under Metzelder. The Wanderers have a three-point lead over Chatswood - beaten late by North Laithland - and Crisisbless United, who lose a 2-0 lead at half-time to the mercurial Hawks but at least salvage a point. As for Vermillion Wanderers… ten points from safety after they’re slaughtered 5-0 by Southfell and, yeah, they’re probably doomed.

The Saints go marching in. Their unstoppable, inexorable rise to promotion claims another victim, Corinthians No Longer the next on the chopping block, five different scorers chiming in in a 5-2 rout. Really, Creed United have cause to be really deeply annoyed. Remove the Saints from the picture and it would be the Oathmen sailing to the title, putting Armstrong to the sword 3-1 as Delphi Barbarouses continues to really be too good for this level. And that’s an Armstrong side that have clawed to fourth in a hugely impressive season thus far. Brookford, somewhat surprisingly, now have a five-point lead in third place. Corvette think they’ve pegged the Otters back late on, but Jennifer Betancourt strayed gently offside before latching onto Halfhill’s pass, rendering her impressive whipped finish a wasted effort. Wins for Iron and River keep them hot in the chase, with Goodfeather probably still happy enough to take a point from Diamondqueen.

Towards the foot of the table, where Crisisbless Athletic are notably absent, there’s upheaval. With the aid of a generous penalty call, the Terracotta Army beat Pillars and pull a point clear of danger, with three teams below them on 30 points; CNL, Rochford following a narrow 1-0 win over Cypher, and Bishop, still 21st but starting to look up after Holden Beckwith’s brace gives them a staggering fourth straight victory. Pillars are two points below, Gonen’s five and starting to vanish from sight, while Dartmouth come from behind with two goals off well-taken corners to sink the naive Strongest. That win probably keeps them just about with a sliver of hope, ten points adrift, and stops the Strongest from truly being able to breathe a sigh of relief just yet.

Morningstar stretch their lead at the top to eleven points, with unsurprisingly the most goals and fewest conceded in the league. Questions are starting to be asked, however, as they move into the planning stage for next season; how many of these veterans, including short-term pickups like Leo Rosenstiel or Lewyn Harnwell, will actually be expected to stick around? What about the likes of Lyritzis or Strauss, good here but plainly done at the tier above? Currently in second, Alliance won’t have such a problem; 20-year old Szalai Fowler, named after Adnan Szalai and in the same muscular, bruising winger mould, has been their star of late.

Ulrich Esperance is steadily guiding Locksley to recovery, top of the form table after winning six of their last eight. The former West Brinemouth manager has turned the club on its head, sweeping out the old and bringing in the new. “I can’t fight today’s battles with the squad of two years ago,” he said with his trademark laconic style. They’re twelve points away from the promotion playoff, and twelve from the relegation playoff; it appears that the rest of the season can most likely be a consolidation effort, but there’s no doubt he has plans for the window.

His former club, on the other hand, are in freefall. They’ve lost their last three without scoring, despite hopes of an immediate return to the second tier or at least an attempt at the same; Moore, Anneaux and Martyn provide some hope down the spine of the team but there’s no goals and less creativity, with Diana Lake so far past her best. One of those recent results was a 4-0 hammering from The Hanged Man, who have finally now scored over a goal a game as experienced striker Jonas Busch fires his way into confidence. Could this be a happy ending to an unsettled career?

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason               30  17  10   3  51  22  +29  61
  2 Starling                  30  17   9   4  49  26  +23  60
  3 Crisisbless               30  17   5   8  44  21  +23  56
  4 Sabrefell Athletic        30  14  12   4  54  28  +26  54
  5 AFC Corvistone            30  14  12   4  50  29  +21  54
  6 Brinemouth                30  15   7   8  65  46  +19  52
  7 South Laithland           30  14   6  10  37  35   +2  48
  8 Stahlburg City            30  13   7  10  37  25  +12  46
  9 North Laithland           30  12   9   9  43  40   +3  45
 10 Sabrefell Moths           30  11  10   9  48  34  +14  43
 11 Southfell United          30  12   7  11  51  42   +9  43
 12 Coret Hawks               30  11   9  10  53  43  +10  42
 13 Vermillion Rage           30  12   6  12  45  45   +0  42
 14 Aries Chariots            30  11   8  11  35  34   +1  41
 15 Leichhardt                30  11   6  13  31  42  -11  39
 16 Newrook City              30  11   6  13  37  49  -12  39
 17 Chenoworth Rovers         30  10   5  15  35  46  -11  35
 18 Belgrave                  30   9   6  15  34  50  -16  33
 19 Chenoworth Harriers       30   7   8  15  31  57  -26  29
 20 Stahlburg Rovers          30   8   5  17  29  60  -31  29
 21 Cranequin Wanderers       30   6  10  14  23  36  -13  28
 22 Chatswood                 30   6   7  17  22  45  -23  25
 23 Crisisbless United        30   6   7  17  32  59  -27  25
 24 Vermillion Wanderers      30   3   9  18  31  53  -22  18

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United           30  27   1   2  77  20  +57  82
  2 Creed United               30  23   2   5  74  28  +46  71
  3 Brookford Otters           30  17   6   7  42  28  +14  57
  4 Armstrong                  30  16   4  10  37  33   +4  52
  5 Iron City                  30  13  11   6  41  24  +17  50
  6 Raven River                30  14   6  10  61  49  +12  48
  7 Goodfeather FC             30  14   5  11  51  40  +11  47
  8 North Sabrefell            30  13   7  10  53  37  +16  46
  9 Cypher Town                30  13   5  12  39  35   +4  44
 10 Chardonnay Rangers         30  12   8  10  43  46   -3  44
 11 AFC Serpentine             30  13   4  13  42  42   +0  43
 12 Diamondqueen               30  11   9  10  46  35  +11  42
 13 Barossia United            30   9  13   8  40  34   +6  40
 14 Corvette Maulers           30  11   6  13  37  46   -9  39
 15 Mantlegrove                30  10   7  13  32  36   -4  37
 16 Crisisbless Athletic       30   9   8  13  31  47  -16  35
 17 The Strongest              30   9   6  15  39  60  -21  33
 18 Cranequin City             30   8   7  15  22  41  -19  31
 19 Corinthians No Longer      30   8   6  16  40  57  -17  30
 20 AFC Rochford               30   7   9  14  27  44  -17  30
 21 Bishop                     30   9   3  18  29  49  -20  30
 22 Pillars of Southfell       30   7   7  16  28  44  -16  28
 23 Gonen's Bridge             30   6   7  17  38  65  -27  25
 24 Dartmouth Terriers         30   5   5  20  22  51  -29  20

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Morningstar            30  20  6   4  53  23  +30  66
  2 Alliance Barossia      30  16  7   7  41  25  +16  55
  3 Aries Solitaire        30  15  9   6  47  31  +16  54
  4 Hackett                30  16  4  10  42  30  +12  52
  5 Peregrine              30  15  6   9  50  35  +15  51
  6 Ballardine FC          30  15  5  10  32  27   +5  50
  7 Riverkey               30  13  9   8  38  27  +11  48
  8 Boltcroft Thorns       30  13  7  10  39  33   +6  46
  9 Sheridan               30  14  4  12  23  22   +1  46
 10 Greygate               30  12  9   9  39  25  +14  45
 11 The Hanged Man         30  14  2  14  31  26   +5  44
 12 Autumnstone            30  11  9  10  37  37   +0  42
 13 Falston United         30  11  7  12  36  29   +7  40
 14 Locksley               30  11  7  12  43  37   +6  40
 15 West Brinemouth        30  10 10  10  24  30   -6  40
 16 Gosmouth Swans         30  10  8  12  37  42   -5  38
 17 Stonegrave             30   9 10  11  29  35   -6  37
 18 AFC Shale              30  11  4  15  25  31   -6  37
 19 Extreme Hills          30  10  7  13  40  51  -11  37
 20 Ritter Town            30   8  8  14  29  39  -10  32
 21 Brokenarch             30   8  4  18  22  48  -26  28
 22 Coret Rovers           30   8  3  19  27  51  -24  27
 23 Rochford Pilgrims      30   7  5  18  33  57  -24  26
 24 Mapleford              30   5  6  19  25  51  -26  21

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lazuli Diamonds              30  18   6   6  79  35  +44  60
  2 Crossroads Town              30  18   2  10  46  36  +10  56
  3 Kommissar                    30  15   8   7  55  25  +30  53
  4 Ingram Township              30  14  10   6  36  17  +19  52
  5 Lockheed Zenith              30  15   6   9  56  37  +19  51
  6 Strephonage                  30  14   7   9  30  20  +10  49
  7 East Laithland Harriers      30  14   3  13  52  48   +4  45
  8 Kensey Town                  30  12   9   9  52  49   +3  45
  9 Crownsend Journey            30  12   8  10  38  40   -2  44
 10 Brindleton                   30  11  10   9  42  37   +5  43
 11 Cranequin Souths             30  13   4  13  35  40   -5  43
 12 Southriver                   30  12   6  12  41  39   +2  42
 13 New Oakstone Phoenix         30  12   6  12  41  40   +1  42
 14 Riverkey Shells              30  12   6  12  36  42   -6  42
 15 Hartford Glade               30  11   8  11  38  44   -6  41
 16 West Hook                    30  10  10  10  32  37   -5  40
 17 Martella Jazz                30  11   6  13  46  47   -1  39
 18 Constance Park               30   8  14   8  38  40   -2  38
 19 Downsparrow                  30   9  11  10  35  41   -6  38
 20 Caldwick Strand              30  10   8  12  28  39  -11  38
 21 Iron United                  30   7   8  15  33  55  -22  29
 22 South Parrhesia              30   5   7  18  33  62  -29  22
 23 Ox River United              30   5   6  19  22  47  -25  21
 24 FC Seierstad                 30   5   5  20  28  55  -27  20

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Iberia Chenoworth       30  17  6   7  62  31  +31  57
  2 Harrington              30  16  7   7  44  31  +13  55
  3 Sirencall FC            30  16  5   9  49  36  +13  53
  4 Sutcroft Athletic       30  14  9   7  44  32  +12  51
  5 Lindmark Falcons        30  14  8   8  54  40  +14  50
  6 Rushe United            30  14  7   9  50  45   +5  49
  7 Ringway                 30  14  6  10  41  36   +5  48
  8 Chenoworth Teutons      30  13  8   9  28  29   -1  47
  9 Besand's Folly          30  13  6  11  40  39   +1  45
 10 Fischer                 30  12  7  11  57  51   +6  43
 11 Grovebank               30  11 10   9  37  31   +6  43
 12 Lindwurm Delta          30  12  3  15  41  40   +1  39
 13 Sutcroft                30  10  9  11  40  39   +1  39
 14 Courser                 30   9  6  15  34  45  -11  33
 15 Moxstone Fortune        30   8  8  14  29  42  -13  32
 16 Boleyn Town             30   7  9  14  31  48  -17  30
 17 AFC Hellerine           30   7  9  14  39  59  -20  30
 18 AFC Feuerweiss          30   7  8  15  43  59  -16  29
 19 Stonesthrow Town        30   6  9  15  31  49  -18  27
 20 Fenland Albion          30   6  8  16  24  36  -12  26

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rookwall                  30  19   5   6  50  25  +25  62
  2 Fully Sick XI             30  16   7   7  56  35  +21  55
  3 Northside Eagles          30  16   5   9  64  39  +25  53
  4 Bodkin Road               30  15   7   8  41  27  +14  52
  5 AFC Southsands            30  16   4  10  43  37   +6  52
  6 Brunyard FC               30  14   8   8  56  42  +14  50
  7 Twelvetrees               30  13   8   9  40  28  +12  47
  8 Corvistone City           30  14   3  13  37  28   +9  45
  9 Long Lake                 30  12   9   9  30  26   +4  45
 10 Brookford Vantablack      30  13   6  11  54  58   -4  45
 11 The Travellers FC         30  11   8  11  47  43   +4  41
 12 Latin Enclave FC          30  11   6  13  44  52   -8  39
 13 Longwinter                30  10   6  14  37  47  -10  36
 14 Barhara Cavaliers         30  11   3  16  45  56  -11  36
 15 Aries Tigers              30   9   8  13  51  61  -10  35
 16 AFC Volksgarten           30  10   5  15  34  48  -14  35
 17 Shimmering Quay           30   9   5  16  49  59  -10  32
 18 AFC Burchess              30   6  11  13  31  47  -16  29
 19 Gridlock                  30   5   9  16  18  40  -22  24
 20 Markoni                   30   5   7  18  27  56  -29  22

by **Nephara** » Sat Jul 04, 2020 3:18 am

Comments below the line often suggest that too much real estate is being given to Vermillion Wanderers. It’s fair. Instead of being a side with great potential that aren’t quite getting that crucial edge, it is increasingly possible that they actually are just a bit shit. But then, performances like these, well, they do make you wonder… Istria Saara remains a thrillingly lethal striker, and while Isabelle Kruger might not have found her goalscoring boots at this level, she can certainly bully room into her strike partner, certainly stretch defences. And ominously, she scored the first two goals today. Two crosses into the box, two Saara knockdowns, two lashed finishes from close range, and Athletic are scattered. But they’re Athletic! They’re better at football! Even with Coltrane on the bench, rested from the… concussive experience in midfield, replacement Celustka still has a goal in her. 2-1 on the stroke of-- 3-1 on the stroke of half-time, Malkorra reminding everyone why he really needs to stay in this division, even if the Wanderers do not. Make that 4-1, Athletic too distracted to even bother defending a long throw, Saara throwing herself on it and bundling home. 5-1 by the hour. Claudia Bohr might be the epitome of the too-good-for-1Div-not-enough-for-Premier defender but Christ, please put a man on her at a corner. 6-1 in the 72nd minute. Kalevi trying her luck and being rewarded for it. Does it even matter that Athletic claw another back?

Chatswood face off against Crisisbless United in an undoubted six-pointer. The match is terrible, and if you’re thinking that plays into Chatswood’s hands, you’re right; United have three shots on target, Chatswood just the two, including a decisive header from Ivana Henderson, readjusting impressively to nod home a cross from Caulker that deflected wildly off Mosin’s shoulder on the way over. Vermillion Rage edge a seven-goal thriller against the Chariots, an awful goalkeeping error from Senninger allowing Fleetwood’s strike to slip through his hands. Chenoworth Harriers score early against Crisisbless and almost seem stunned by it, Jakob Shearer barely even remembering to celebrate when his deflected strike makes it past Na’Kefir. But after a brilliant save from Cameron keeps Woakes from levelling the scores, the Harriers hunker down. Bodies get hurled in the way of shots, Stensholt and Dalton and, later, Raskin brutalise everyone in sight in midfield, Wright tries valiantly to sit on the ball whenever it makes it to the striker and just sponges up time. It’s all terribly heroic. Crisisbless win 2-1.

Nobody expected Brookford Otters to be doing so well this season, and their young, dynamic midfield of box-to-box hustler Riitsi, composed demolisher Koetter and fearless prober Fletcher have dismantled so many opposition over the season. Chardonnay Rangers barely get a kick en route to a 4-0 demolition, the largely blameless goalkeeper Jacqui Edmond increasingly furious with the fecklessness of her outfielders as the game goes on. And no, Bernat, just shooting on sight doesn’t exempt you from criticism. Even with the scores locked and a red card in the 81st minute, Parrhesia find a way to win in Cypher, Ilia Mueller seeming to enchant as she glides past everyone and drives home an injury-time winner, while Bridge claw back a late equaliser against the Strongest through Kanerva Herron’s hips to give them a glimmer of hope.

In a fascinating week of football, it is difficult to know where to start. Well, correction: it’s a fascinating week in Chardonnay. Most fascinating of all is Starling’s performance, which is to come utterly to pieces under pressure from Vermillion Rage. Vermillion threaten every time they have the ball in the Passerines’ territory, and indeed every time the Passerines have the ball in the Passerines’ territory, as a couple of unlucky defensive lapses and chance falls of the ball lead to opportunistic strikes from Heward and Mrdja that not only put Vermillion 2-0 up but utterly shatter Starling’s confidence. Mrdja presses Asghar into a mistake then sets up Heward for 3-0, then a beautifully flighted free kick from Fleetwood makes it 4-0 by half-time. 5-0 by the hour, Porter slinging in a cross, Konse bombing in with a late run, not picked up by anyone, thundering a shot past Smordal. The fans are starting to get mad. Starling are second, for fuck’s sake! Duchemin pulls one back, but enterprising leftback Nike Rouphos tries her luck and blazes a strike over Smordal as he hangs hopefully off his line to draw the deficit back to five. 6-1. On home soil.

Brinemouth have begun to click in recent weeks, and are starting to look stronger, sharper, the sum of their parts. Farago rue Cazade makes the difference against Crisisbless; both sides strike early before the game settles into a simmering pursuit, and it’s the Farfish ‘takilante’ who shears through the tension by charging down an attempted clearance from Kastriot - cheers from the away end - beating Luhukay to the rebound off his heel, trapping it, cutting inside his marker and curling the ball past the flying Na’Kefir. Crisisbless lack a gear in the closing stages; their only fault is that you would absolutely never want to take off their best attacking players for their backups, regardless of freshness, and so Brinemouth hold out for the win. Crisisbless United absolutely paste Stahlburg Rovers 4-0 in what could turn out to be a career-defining performance from Shiida Roesler, delicately but firmly putting her heel on the game, thumping home the game’s first and last goals and orchestrating most everything else that is good. United’s other playmaker, Lukas Antelmi, looking a little like yesterday’s man, is magnanimous - “She’s earned every minute she’s got over me, and if her performances are what keep us up, I’m more than happy with that.” As for Vermillion Wanderers… Christ. An abject 3-0 defeat to Newrook is the follow-up to their best performance of the season.

For all Crisisbless Athletic’s considerable virtues, they’re… old. Including, ironically, key defender Tristan Young. And put under the pressure of what Raven River manager Eoin Killanen describes as an ‘endless torrent of fuck’, they crumble. The early goal unsettles them, Crowe picking out centre-half Niehaus with a free kick. Gjasula snaps home with her first of three at the far post in the ninth minute, her second with a flicked header in the 16th, hits a post in the 18th. Bess Gannon screams at her defence. A lot. It doesn’t work; 4-0 in the 33rd minute, Kurz given too much time and space at the corner of the box. 5-0 in the 38th minute, Kurz given too much time and space at the corner of the box. 6-0 in the -- no, offside. But then it is 6-0 by half-time, just about, Young trying to clear Villaverde’s cross but somehow contriving to scuff it horribly past his own ‘keeper. “Disappointed we didn’t get ten, at least,” Killanen reflects, with Gjasula’s third and a finale from Sabitzer with her first touch assuring a decisive 8-0 win. At their best, they’re remarkably strong. Bishop edge Brookford thanks largely to the heroics of Frey Strom in goal and a well-rehearsed free kick routine that gives an almost bemused Feodor Linz - holding midfielder by trade - an unmarked shot at goal from point-blank range, which he just about sticks away. Parrhesia and Creed play out a high-class low-drag affair, but, predictably, the Saints come out on top with a late Ann Reus winner.

Kingsgrove strike first in Crisisbless, a diagonal pass from Parrish seeing Michael Ribbeck and Na’Kefir both going for it. The former wins, just about, heading it on before being clattered by the Cosumarite ‘keeper; Tamara Fowler races past the veteran Bajnok to ram the ball into the empty net. But after that, the Royals are oddly muted. While initially the Heelers are slow to react, Germain forces Mara Solaani into a truly spectacular save to hook the ball out from the top corner, but a shot from Damion Bowman catches her blind-sided on the hour mark, and Bowman sets up Abylon to drive home a late winner. The tie, of course, remains in the balance. As for Brinemouth, they were simply outgunned by a Directus side in possession of perhaps the sleekest attacking unit in world football. Is it any consolation that it’s Rowena Strongbow and Estrella Hawke with the goals on the Lazuli Coast? No, of course it’s not.

Athletic offer only a dim glow of inspiration and are outplayed by a Cednia side boasting the orchestral talents of Isla Sibucic. A fairly horrific performance by the Stags sees the tie against CAP over before it starts.

Treason and Stahlburg City despise each other. This ground does not need to be retread. But few of even these matches get to this level of controversy. Three minutes in, the Stags think they’re in front, but there’s a foul in the build-up, Lothaire Cromwell absolutely flattening Brujah. And in fairness, the home fans love any prospect of flattening the loudmouthed hothead Brujah. Anything, especially, that leaves him a crumpled heap on the floor, having to be dragged off the pitch… so that gets City excited, for certain. And playing better, too. Henry and the teenager Severine Reed both singe Clavel’s palms, before the latter finds Lewis Phoenix rising like his namesake to head home at the far post. On the stroke of half-time, City have a perfect opportunity for two; a contentious penalty is given to Reed, who makes certain to really throw herself into the box after being clipped by Va’Afaja… but Clavel tips Phoenix’s penalty around the post! Treason edge a bitty second half, a single moment of individual brilliance from Idai Uster making the difference, dazzling past two midfielders before finding the top corner with a sparkling finish. After that, mostly it’s just a matter of kicking and scuffling. In the end, the referee calls for two minutes of stoppage time - just two! It’s blatant bullshit, just intended to get the game over as soon as possible before someone loses an eye. And, honestly, fair enough. 1-1’s a fair enough scoreline, cutting through all the drama.

Vermillion Wanderers status: Good. The incessant barrage of crosses from Malkorra and Kalevi is bolstered by a thunderous drive from Irsa Croxteth that just seems to keep up speed as it sweeps past Na’Kefir, and somehow the worst team in the league is 3-0 up over Crisisbless by half-time; it ends 4-1 after Crisisbless just about recover their composure, but it’s a damaging defeat for their title hopes. Ivana Henderson’s abrupt return to form continues to be deeply, deeply welcome to a recovering Chatswood, a header in each half enough to see off the Harriers in a vital six-pointer. South Laithland haven’t quite recaptured their old form, but against Athletic, a towering header from Bergander is supported by a moment of skill from nominal water-carrier Constantine Jurman, trapping a ball in flight, flicking it over Reinhardt’s head and powering it underneath Gautier with the volley as it drops to give them a 2-0 lead in the first fifteen minutes. Obviously, they hunker down, and a valiant defensive effort carries them to a 2-1 win, Oscar Coltrane’s free kick Athletic’s sole consolation in the 71st minute. Crisisbless United, Belgrave and Cranequin Wanderers all pick up narrow but invaluable wins.

Simple rule of playing Cypher Town: Andrea Bereveskos will fuck you if you let her. The former 35-cap Cormorant has tucked into an attacking midfield role this season, to lethal effect; not only has this freed Janna Sauthier to play in her preferred position, but the veteran, backed up by Madine and Marconi (or Whyte, today), has the technical ability to properly run a game even without the legs to get around, or her former dynamism. Anyway, Gonen’s Bridge let her. They lose 5-1. Dartmouth stun Creed, and, hell, stun everyone by stunning Creed, away. Keshet Brenner charges down Heward and cuts across for Mauk, surging inside from the right, to drive home a thirteenth-minute opener with their first shot of the game; Brenner sets up Forrest to head home their second and last just before the hour mark. In between, Stefan Heidenreich has a fantastic game between the posts, but it shouldn’t distract that Creed are genuinely poor. Brookford pummel Goodfeather 3-0 as Exene Fletcher struts her stuff.

Kingsgrove make for determined opposition at home, and after Michael Ribbeck’s clever finish dazzles Na’Kefir at his near post just ten minutes in, Crisisbless cut a more guarded figure for the rest of the match. It’s strange, given they now need a goal to survive the away goals rule, but Kingsgrove’s Achilles heel strikes them half an hour in; they can’t defend set pieces worth a damn. Teffeteller nods home a corner from Woakes and Crisisbless hold them from there, though Woakes and Parrish both offer promising flashes in the second half. Directus think they’ve won twenty minutes in, Strongbow hooking in a cross that Martel-Burns almost casually plucks out of the air with her heel before driving decisively into the top corner - shades of offside, but replays reveal she was narrowly the right side of Steele. They haven’t. Farago rue Cazade’s got his piece to say, setting up Tidesson to give the Dockers a lifeline on the edge of half-time, before his own second-half brace leads Brinemouth to edge it. Martel-Burns offers Directus a late penalty shout, but most likely over-sells it with a couple more rolls than necessary after being ankle-tapped by Spencer.

Athletic start promisingly against Cednia Beach, but when Sibucic rams home a free kick against the run of play that seems to spike the heart from them. A lower-key second half sees a goal apiece, more than enough for Cednia Beach to comfortably proceed to the next round. Treason succumb to the inevitable, already doomed, and a squad selection effectively throws up the white flag. League and Cup will be the priorities.

One of the lesser-known rivalries of the Premiership, and one that’s been at a fairly low ebb of late, is Chatswood vs. Brinemouth. Much like Treason vs. Stahlburg, this is based largely on past experience, as well as a natural contrast in styles. For years - coinciding with back when Chatswood were very good - the fixture calculator had them against each other on the final matchday, and the Axes were a troublesome banana skin. Also, you know, mean, dirty and tough. Some of the old bite remains; Rivan and Bischoff loom in an absolutely uncreative but brutal double pivot in midfield, and Brinemouth dance around the fringes for the first hour, hoping for the goal to come. One does… at the other end. Ryan Bull, for all his virtues, does have the odd rick in him; despite his basketball physique, he’s stranded in no man’s land for a Prentice free kick, flapping at the ball, skimming off his knuckles, and Ozolx-Alfan adjusts gently into the path to nod in at the far post before momentum takes them into the net, and Steele and Reeve pile in behind. Gareth Blackthorn is displeased, and points in many directions from the sidelines; they should be level seven minutes later, a deft flick from Tidesson playing the substitute Danielle Jackson through but from her blind side charges Ozolx-Alfan, absolutely taking her out just on the edge of the box. There’s calls for a penalty - waved away, correctly, but Ozolx-Alfan is dismissed without protest. The home fans cheer them as they walk off, and perhaps that just piques rue Cazade, who takes his time over the free kick before sending it over the wall and then, with a sudden, lethal dip, past the diving Williams. Prentice is withdrawn for defender Chris Bishop, and the steady Schottic veteran excels in the dying stages of the game, his fresh legs clearing a trickling near-save from Williams off the line in injury time. A hard-won point for Chatswood; two dropped for the Dockers. The dynamic has changed, but the hate has not.

If Starling abruptly shipping six to a midtable opponent was still news, it would have come first. But it isn’t. They’re locked 2-2 with Southfell at half-time and then, one must imagine, Lisa Amos reminds her charges of their ultimate fate, their actions condemned to be swallowed in the cruel void of entropy, a mere blink in the universe’s workings without the slightest hope of significance on any scale, leading to a 6-2 defeat. Related: Lyzolda Petrov is supposedly in the sights of Coret Hawks. The clearly in-transition Moths fail to fire as the Stags simply quash them like a dying cigarette against the cobblestones, a deft little finish from Accardi all they need to win. Crisisbless recover some of their poise with a 3-0 thrashing of Belgrave, Leichhardt continue to quietly stride to safety by coming from behind to beat North Laithland, Crisisbless United edge Cranequin through Sigrun Rivers’ solo effort and Orion Randwick keeps a clean sheet.

Craft plays art, and it has to be said that craft beats the shit out of art. While North Sabrefell are a beautiful side at their best, they’re off-tempo and almost distracted here by Chardonnay Rangers’ brutal pummeling them all across the pitch. Sylvia Wright, whose rags-to-relative-riches story and fetching glass eye have made her something of a cult heroine, finishes every chance she gets en route to a hat-trick. That’s a lie. She’s festooned with chances. North Sabrefell are terrible, and lose 5-1. Corvette score two first-half goals, but Athletic get two second-half penalties… and Emilien Marisnick, the Maulers’ young goalkeeper, garlands his career somewhat by saving both. Between he, Rochford’s Libuda and River’s Carver, the next generation might be being reared right here.

Four matches with four fairly clear favourites; the waters are muddiest in the white half of Chenoworth, and appropriately that’s the only draw. An early flurry sees Tschauner’s thunderbolt cancel out a deft Patton finish, promising a more open affair than either the Rovers or Smiths generally offer, but by the end the match has played approximately to type. Nineteen seconds in, Starling have the ball in the net, but Dostalok brutally hacked down Capradossi from behind to wrest possession in the box and fire past Broadhead and it’s justly called off. They ultimately claw their way to a 2-1 win, Valentine Roxel with a rare goal and even rarer, well, second goal. Elsewhere in Chenoworth, if Treason are expecting an easy ride with the Harriers focusing on survival, they’re to be disappointed. Overstretched going forward, they’re cut open by a single incisive pass from Stensholt that finds Charybdis Kou. Lightning-fast even on her first full start after injury, Kou races clear, draws out Clavel and rather than cut back to the open Wright she risks the chip herself. Mercifully, it goes in, stopping Snowy Brennan from having to take her out back and shoot her. The Hanged Man and Iron City mutually luck out by drawing one another. An oddly fixating match - and, no, if we meant ‘boring’ we’d say it - is ultimately settled by a bit of skill by Taena Vylarr, the Squorn Remnant easing into possession before bursting into pace, a neat one-two with Snowpoint, opening her posture and absolutely hammering a shot past Selkie.

A tight, anxious affair, both goals coming through set pieces. Maeve Bronte reminds everyone how she can still strangle a game in its cot; Thalassa Fletcher reminds everyone how she’s still a ways off being able to step up for Woakes.

On a fairly boring round in which no team scores more than twice, it makes sense to gravitate to the derby in Nephara’s most boring city, Chenoworth. The momentum has reversed of late; now the Rovers are in the ascendancy, which is to say that they hover in lower midtable as the Harriers battle to tread water. The Harriers get the advantage early on, from a certain perspective. A lot of shots but little end product, and often a misplaced final pass. Jakob Shearer should set up Wright for a far-post tap-in, but blasts into the side netting instead. Kite has all the time to pick out Wright with a cross, but overhits it. Girardi beats two men but is overpowered and dispossessed by Svava. The Rovers have two shots on target all game; one thrashed towards the corner by Custworth with ferocious violence, tipped over by the flying goalkeeper Alfonse Cameron who has earned his place over Matthews of late. For the other, Sabrina Patton doesn’t give him the chance, played through by Forrest, rounding Cameron and rolling into the empty net. Snowy Brennan cuts a beleagured figure, but clings on.

Treason and North Laithland contest a match full of running and chasing and battering but few chances and no goals. Cranequin Wanderers execute a plan to perfection, playing like they’re ahead at 0-0 as Corvistone get increasingly anxious, rushed, frustrated, chasing after the patient possession. It would break if anyone’s nerve did, but instead the Wanderers bide their time until something opens up, Riaz plays a neat one-two into the space and curls a shot underneath Feldman. Late on, with Corvistone pressing even higher, Cranequin substitute Dorotea Baro breaks clear. Is this the chance for her first-ever league goal? No; she gets desperately hauled down by Verlander just inside the box, and Shona Butcher tucks away the penalty instead. Still, it’s a good win. Another scoreless striker (this season), Newrook’s Jason Margush, breaks his own drought, coming off the bench to sink Vermillion Rage with a scuffed late header. Vermillion Wanderers draw Chatswood, but really need wins at this stage; Crisisbless United’s recovery continues with Lukas Antelmi making the most of an increasingly rare start; Starling and Athletic draw 1-1 with each side having a further goal controversially ruled out.

North Sabrefell and Bishop rip shreds out of each other; a match between two fairly orderly sides big on midfield possession collapses into anarchy minutes in. In a match like this, individual stars become key, and Fabrice Laramee lifts the Bohemians out of the mire, a shining beacon of, well, someone who can consistently hit his passes. Gonen’s Bridge again claw back from a 2-0 half-time deficit, two desperately scrappy goals giving them a point against Rochford, the equaliser happening despite what is a blatant foul - Murin stabbing home as Herron essentially sits on goalkeeper Libuda - but as Jakob Mortimer admits, “we need points in threes, not ones.” As top plays bottom, Parrhesia predictably rip Dartmouth open 4-0 even while resting many of their best players.

Aurelie Henry runs the show against Chenoworth Rovers, setting up strikes for Reed and Phoenix, and shaves the crossbar himself with the last kick of the first half. The Rovers get their heads back into the game in the second half and, incredibly, a scrappy sequence of play winds up with Custworth chesting home a goal back, before a brawl over the ball. They don’t get the second. Newrook don’t exactly ‘enjoy’ a win over Starling, as it’s an anxious, hard-won affair. But regardless, Rozier’s whipped high finish past Carolan after vapourising Asghar with a violent inside cut proves enough, with a number of inelegant, scrambling saves from Theoklitos salvaging the vital clean sheet. The Harriers think they’ve got a golden opportunity just seventeen dry minutes in against Treason, Kou again the key, collapsing on cue with contact by Stride. But Stensholt’s penalty is too central, pounced on instinctively by Clavel. The Harriers don’t recover, and get smashed 4-0. Cheney Bittencourt’s asked after the game if he’s glad he spurned having a dedicated Cup goalkeeper, if that paid off, and is uncharacteristically irked by it. “Well, first, Loris [Aldous, backup goalkeeper] is 34, he’s had all the minutes he needs; second, we gubbed ‘em 4-0, it hardly swung on the save.” Nikola Stavros gives The Hanged Man the opener in Iron after scything inside Exeter and driving low into the bottom corner, but Iron regain their composure in the second half; a thunderous strike by Remsza leaves Selkie grasping at air, before the winger sets up Vermouth to head home the winner.

Party in the Whirl Islands. Maarsden, presumably cursing under his breath, picks a full-strength outfit; they get the job done after an early scare.

The Moths and the Chariots share a couple of things in common. First, Lorena Strausz switched between the sides over the window, frustrated at not being significant enough in Grey Holden’s plans and after initially not fitting into those of Sol Arora, slotting in nicely to Adalheid Metzelder’s preferred three-man midfield. Secondly, they’re both in transition. Not smooth ones, either. Both Holden and Metzelder have spoken at length about the need to ‘reshape’ their sides, though Metzelder also devotes some time to talking admiringly about winger Alexandra Lazarou, who left Belgrave when Metzelder arrived. Metzelder, it turns out, admires Lazarou and also thinks Holden doesn’t know how to use her. But there’s something deeply familiar about the way the seasoned winger scythes inside Muscadin and fires the opener across Griffin. Eight minutes in, the Chariots already lead. The Moths struggle to get their heads in order; Griffin makes a fine close-range save from Walsh, then claws away the follow-up from Tokich. And then the Chariots are sunk, not once but twice, on incisive counterattacks finished decisively by Cathal Turner. Against the run of play, the Moths now lead, and in the second half the run of play moves decisively in their favour… so naturally, this is where Lorena Strausz betrays the Moths, a misplaced pass allowing Rzazade to flick the ball up to Selke, who contemplates the cutback before going for goal herself and somehow finding a way past Griffin’s near post with power alone. The high-scoring, high-octane draw seems to fit, and judging by the quieter closing stages, the players subconsciously agree.

Chatswood drag Belgrave down to their level. Of late, Brandon Laithstrider’s been encouraging the Axes to tread a nastier, bittier path… and it’s working for them. Christian Guilder slams home a winner on the hour mark, the towering striker rewarding a rare start. Actually, all Chatswood’s strikers are towering. Stahlburg Rovers draw Vermillion Wanderers 0-0, a result that benefits neither of them. Istria Saara picks a terrible moment to let her finishing stutter, twice hesitating where, earlier in the season - and certainly last year, where her confidence was sky-high - she would have buried her chances. The Harriers unexpectedly dominate Cranequin and they have only poor finishing to blame for winning ‘just’ 2-0, but it’s a win Snowy Brennan is delighted with regardless; United also claim a vital victory at the bottom, rising star Shiida Roesler masterminding a comeback from 2-1 down at half-time. “They thought the match was over? Well, they can think again. Or I guess they’ll be thinking again now, ‘cause, you know, we won, so. Kinda. Made fools of them, I guess. Look, just hand me the fucking match award, okay?”

Parrhesia United get to a hundred points. That’s considered a spectacular season. As in season. As in 46 games, not 36. They manage it in spectacular fashion, too; Jakob Mortimer can only watch on in dismay as his Warriors are dismantled 5-0 on home soil, 3-0 by the first half. A first half in which no Bridge player has had a touch in the Saints’ penalty area; Laisne enjoys his fourth straight clean sheet. And maybe it’s having that particular Sword of Damocles hanging overhead that gets to Creed, sees them crack to a humiliating 4-0 defeat to the Dryads in east Treason. Svenja Baste is the only Creed defender who doesn’t seem listless… and turns that, lucklessly, into a brace of own goals. “At least she was attempting to get into the right positions,” Catheline Harper said bitterly after the match. “And Justina [Donau] could learn from her finishing.” Goodfeather dominate North Sabrefell, younger and sprier and, most of all, better-organised, with Tremeka Godwin blossoming into an increasingly assured finisher. 4-1’s the final score; after so many years of mediocrity, could the Quakers make it to the playoff place?

They aren’t the best or flashiest side in the league, but Treason are managing to define the season in terms of one thing: consistency. Occasionally they stumble, yes; twelve draws tell a story. But under pressure, they can grind it out, and that’s why they are now four points clear in the final stretch with the best defence in the league. Corvistone are their next victims, second-place until Uster’s strike and Clavel’s hard-won clean sheet see them tumble to fourth, with Brinemouth sweeping Cranequin aside and Crisisbless edging Starling to leapfrog them. Starling themselves are fifth, in poor form, and looking down. Probably not too far down; Sabrefell Athletic murder their fierce rivals Aries 4-1 to close the gap to three points, but it’s a further nine to Stahlburg City in seventh. The Smiths face a fierce fight to hold onto it, with Vermillion flying and Sabrefell Moths, well, certainly capable of flaring into life at some point. Not today, though; they stall to a goalless draw against the Spiders, Metzelder citing something about their exceptional goal difference.

Aries probably aren’t in danger, but are starting to be described as ‘probably not in danger’, which should be a concern of its own. Chenoworth Rovers have also probably pulled clear, second-half goals from Custworth and Forrest assuring a comfortable win over bottom-feeders Vermillion Wanderers. Crisisbless United take a point from Stahlburg against the Smiths, while Belgrave leave it late to beat the visiting Stahlburg Rovers, with Chatswood’s valiant win in South Laithland capping off what is a really spectacularly bad set of results for the bottom four that leave them three points adrift. Stahlburg Rovers have one foot in the grave, Vermillion Wanderers are properly submerged. Cranequin Wanderers are two points from the promise of salvation, occupied by the Harriers, who lose to Leichhardt.

You already know who’s on top, and by a margin of twenty-two points. Come to think of it, you probably know who’s second by eleven, too. Parrhesia sweep the Diamonds into the bin, overpowering them 4-1, while Creed stab Iron 2-0 in a composed performance to cut through the blood and thunder. Brookford, impressively, remain third by a huge margin despite folding away in Cypher; Iron still cling onto fourth, but they’ve lost their last three without scoring. Corvette pull to two points underneath and Goodfeather could have drawn level or even overtaken them, had they beaten Crisisbless Athletic.

But instead, Athletic won 1-0. They’re sitting pretty in 16th, once again putting paid to fatalistic predictions. The chant of “There’s only two A. Millers” rings loud and clear across Chardonnay. CNL, despite an undeniably impressive attack - more goals than Iron, as many as Corvette - can only draw with Pillars, but impressive wins for Rochford and Bishop threaten to raise the drawbridge towards the bottom. Cranequin City’s draw with Chardonnay Rangers is full of heart but desperately short of skill; the Terracotta Army remain 21st, three points beneath the Strongest, five above Pillars. At the bottom, Gonen’s and Dartmouth can only draw one another. They both look sunk, though perhaps a sudden turnaround from Bridge could save them. Dartmouth are eleven points away from even the playoff. One can’t help but feel we have our top three and our bottom three locked in place.

Alliance Barossia are in a slump. Worse: a fucking boring slump. No wins from their last six, and just the one goal. And they’ve conceded just three, so it isn’t like Woodloe Cash and friends have let the team down. Even so, they remain in fourth, and while Peregrine and Solitaire have nestled above them - Solitaire only recently beating Peregrine 2-1 thanks in large part to Sparrow’s influence - Ballardine, Sheridan, Greygate and Hackett are all in hot pursuit. Wait, Ballardine?

Yes, Ballardine. Lyn Havelock’s club is having a truly remarkable season. Despite eschewing the veteran talent generally associated with third-tier sides and living with a fairly modest salary bill, the Harpers are level on points with Alliance and starting to harbour serious promotion ambitions. That said, they’ve benefited from an almost clear bill of health; their team of physios might be as in-demand as players like Pearce and Forster. If they are promoted, it would be very difficult to stay up… but no matter what, Havelock would be a rare hero around these parts.

As for the bottom four, it appears they have only the order to sort out amongst themselves, with Coret Rovers losing track of pole position with a winless streak. Valery Cain has finally been given the axe, but it doesn’t appear to have helped. Rochford Pilgrims used to be able to score, but still can’t defend, while bold but limited Mapleford and Brokenarch sides strive to overtake them to possible salvation. Still, with chronic yo-yo side Kommissar or up-and-comers Lockheed most likely to be the playoff opponents, it’s hard to say that any of these sides would go in as favourites.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason               37  21  12   4  60  29  +31  75
  2 Brinemouth                37  21   8   8  82  51  +31  71
  3 Crisisbless               37  22   5  10  58  32  +26  71
  4 AFC Corvistone            37  19  12   6  62  35  +27  69
  5 Starling                  37  19  11   7  61  44  +17  68
  6 Sabrefell Athletic        37  17  14   6  69  43  +26  65
  7 Stahlburg City            37  15  11  11  42  30  +12  56
  8 Vermillion Rage           37  16   7  14  63  56   +7  55
  9 South Laithland           37  15   8  14  45  46   -1  53
 10 Sabrefell Moths           37  12  15  10  57  41  +16  51
 11 Southfell United          37  14   9  14  63  53  +10  51
 12 North Laithland           37  12  14  11  46  45   +1  50
 13 Leichhardt                37  14   7  16  39  49  -10  49
 14 Coret Hawks               37  12  12  13  58  52   +6  48
 15 Newrook City              37  13   8  16  43  56  -13  47
 16 Aries Chariots            37  12   9  16  45  51   -6  45
 17 Chenoworth Rovers         37  12   7  18  43  57  -14  43
 18 Crisisbless United        37  11   8  18  46  65  -19  41
 19 Belgrave                  37  11   8  18  41  60  -19  41
 20 Chatswood                 37  10   9  18  31  50  -19  39
 21 Chenoworth Harriers       37   9   9  19  36  64  -28  36
 22 Cranequin Wanderers       37   8  10  19  27  46  -19  34
 23 Stahlburg Rovers          37   8   7  22  32  74  -42  31
 24 Vermillion Wanderers      37   5  12  20  42  62  -20  27

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Parrhesia United           37  34   1   2  96  23  +73  103
  2 Creed United               37  26   3   8  84  38  +46   81
  3 Brookford Otters           37  21   7   9  56  32  +24   70
  4 Iron City                  37  17  11   9  48  31  +17   62
  5 Corvette Maulers           37  18   6  13  51  48   +3   60
  6 Goodfeather FC             37  18   5  14  63  49  +14   59
  7 Cypher Town                37  18   5  14  54  40  +14   59
  8 Armstrong                  37  17   8  12  42  40   +2   59
  9 Chardonnay Rangers         37  15  11  11  52  53   -1   56
 10 Raven River                37  15  10  12  73  56  +17   55
 11 Diamondqueen               37  15  10  12  56  43  +13   55
 12 North Sabrefell            37  15   9  13  63  52  +11   54
 13 AFC Serpentine             37  15   5  17  49  50   -1   50
 14 Barossia United            37  11  14  12  44  40   +4   47
 15 Mantlegrove                37  12   8  17  41  49   -8   44
 16 Crisisbless Athletic       37  11  11  15  36  59  -23   44
 17 Corinthians No Longer      37  11   9  17  51  63  -12   42
 18 AFC Rochford               37  10  11  16  35  52  -17   41
 19 Bishop                     37  11   5  21  37  61  -24   38
 20 The Strongest              37  10   8  19  47  76  -29   38
 21 Cranequin City             37   8  11  18  26  48  -22   35
 22 Pillars of Southfell       37   7   9  21  34  60  -26   30
 23 Gonen's Bridge             37   6  11  20  46  84  -38   29
 24 Dartmouth Terriers         37   6   6  25  29  66  -37   24

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Morningstar            37  25   6   6  67  28  +39  81
  2 Peregrine              37  19   7  11  65  46  +19  64
  3 Aries Solitaire        37  18   9  10  53  39  +14  63
  4 Alliance Barossia      37  17  11   9  43  28  +15  62
  5 Ballardine FC          37  18   8  11  41  32   +9  62
  6 Sheridan               37  18   6  13  30  25   +5  60
  7 Greygate               37  16  11  10  52  32  +20  59
  8 Hackett                37  18   5  14  49  40   +9  59
  9 Locksley               37  15   9  13  58  48  +10  54
 10 Riverkey               37  14  12  11  42  34   +8  54
 11 The Hanged Man         37  16   3  18  34  32   +2  51
 12 Boltcroft Thorns       37  14   8  15  48  49   -1  50
 13 Stonegrave             37  13  11  13  39  42   -3  50
 14 West Brinemouth        37  12  14  11  31  35   -4  50
 15 Falston United         37  13  10  14  45  36   +9  49
 16 Autumnstone            37  13  10  14  43  45   -2  49
 17 Gosmouth Swans         37  13   9  15  45  51   -6  48
 18 AFC Shale              37  14   5  18  31  37   -6  47
 19 Extreme Hills          37  13   8  16  51  61  -10  47
 20 Ritter Town            37  11  10  16  36  46  -10  43
 21 Rochford Pilgrims      37   9   8  20  39  65  -26  35
 22 Mapleford              37   9   7  21  33  60  -27  34
 23 Brokenarch             37   9   6  22  28  61  -33  33
 24 Coret Rovers           37   8   5  24  29  60  -31  29

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lazuli Diamonds              37  21   9   7  91  45  +46  72
  2 Crossroads Town              37  23   3  11  63  41  +22  72
  3 Kommissar                    37  19  10   8  65  30  +35  67
  4 Lockheed Zenith              37  20   7  10  68  43  +25  67
  5 Kensey Town                  37  17   9  11  68  56  +12  60
  6 Southriver                   37  18   6  13  55  44  +11  60
  7 Ingram Township              37  16  11  10  43  26  +17  59
  8 New Oakstone Phoenix         37  17   8  12  54  42  +12  59
  9 Strephonage                  37  16   9  12  39  30   +9  57
 10 Brindleton                   37  13  14  10  50  44   +6  53
 11 East Laithland Harriers      37  16   5  16  64  62   +2  53
 12 Martella Jazz                37  15   8  14  57  56   +1  53
 13 Hartford Glade               37  13  11  13  46  52   -6  50
 14 Cranequin Souths             37  15   4  18  44  51   -7  49
 15 Crownsend Journey            37  13   9  15  45  55  -10  48
 16 Riverkey Shells              37  13   8  16  43  57  -14  47
 17 Downsparrow                  37  11  13  13  42  49   -7  46
 18 Constance Park               37   9  18  10  45  50   -5  45
 19 West Hook                    37  11  11  15  35  47  -12  44
 20 Caldwick Strand              37  11   9  17  38  54  -16  42
 21 Iron United                  37   9  11  17  39  64  -25  38
 22 South Parrhesia              37   7   8  22  39  77  -38  29
 23 Ox River United              37   6   9  22  25  53  -28  27
 24 FC Seierstad                 37   7   6  24  35  65  -30  27

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Iberia Chenoworth       37  21   9   7  75  36  +39  72
  2 Sirencall FC            37  21   7   9  64  41  +23  70
  3 Lindmark Falcons        37  17  10  10  65  50  +15  61
  4 Harrington              37  17  10  10  52  42  +10  61
  5 Besand's Folly          37  17   8  12  54  46   +8  59
  6 Rushe United            37  17   8  12  60  53   +7  59
  7 Lindwurm Delta          37  18   3  16  58  47  +11  57
  8 Fischer                 37  16   8  13  70  57  +13  56
  9 Sutcroft Athletic       37  15  11  11  53  48   +5  56
 10 Grovebank               37  15  10  12  47  39   +8  55
 11 Ringway                 37  15  10  12  49  45   +4  55
 12 Chenoworth Teutons      37  15  10  12  35  39   -4  55
 13 Sutcroft                37  15   9  13  54  46   +8  54
 14 AFC Hellerine           37  11  10  16  54  71  -17  43
 15 Courser                 37  11   8  18  43  58  -15  41
 16 Moxstone Fortune        37   9  10  18  37  57  -20  37
 17 Boleyn Town             37   8  10  19  36  61  -25  34
 18 AFC Feuerweiss          37   8   9  20  50  73  -23  33
 19 Fenland Albion          37   7  11  19  31  47  -16  32
 20 Stonesthrow Town        37   6  11  20  37  68  -31  29

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rookwall                  37  22   6   9  57  31  +26  72
  2 Fully Sick XI             37  21   8   8  71  40  +31  71
  3 Northside Eagles          37  20   6  11  82  47  +35  66
  4 Brunyard FC               37  18  10   9  69  50  +19  64
  5 Bodkin Road               37  18   7  12  48  37  +11  61
  6 AFC Southsands            37  18   7  12  52  45   +7  61
  7 Twelvetrees               37  16  12   9  48  32  +16  60
  8 Brookford Vantablack      37  17   8  12  70  65   +5  59
  9 Long Lake                 37  15  11  11  41  32   +9  56
 10 Corvistone City           37  15   7  15  48  38  +10  52
 11 The Travellers FC         37  14   9  14  57  54   +3  51
 12 Aries Tigers              37  12   9  16  63  70   -7  45
 13 Latin Enclave FC          37  12   9  16  56  67  -11  45
 14 Longwinter                37  12   8  17  47  59  -12  44
 15 Barhara Cavaliers         37  13   5  19  53  70  -17  44
 16 AFC Volksgarten           37  12   7  18  41  58  -17  43
 17 Shimmering Quay           37  12   6  19  52  66  -14  42
 18 AFC Burchess              37  10  12  15  38  52  -14  42
 19 Gridlock                  37   5  11  21  20  51  -31  26
 20 Markoni                   37   5   8  24  30  79  -49  23

by **Nephara** » Tue Jul 07, 2020 5:53 am

Corvistone and Stahlburg City face off in a tight, guarded affair. Stahlburg City get two great chances to open the scoring from set pieces, Orsay ramming a Henry free kick against the crossbar, Phoenix missing a free far-post header off Tschauner’s clever corner. On the hour mark, Clarisse Ulreich rockets clear of the defence to be found by Arniston, and rifles the only goal of the game past a stranded Prant-Telew. The Smiths never quite find their teeth in open play. Treason maintain their advantage in the league with a convincing 2-0 win in Chenoworth over the Harriers, even resting a few figures; that’s not a luxury Crisisbless have, as their full force blows Southfell away. South Laithland keep up their role in the chasing pack by obliterating Stahlburg Rovers 5-1, Nagisa Habane running the show from the left flank, while Brinemouth are concussed into defeat by Leichhardt.

Crisisbless United steer towards safety with a couple of crisp finishes from Tanith Carter, thought to have been a Sabrefell Moths target at one time or another, now getting a direct audition. Metzelder looks sub-impressed with her Moths, and their creative definitions of marking. Chatswood are bailed out against Vermillion Rage by the nine spectacular saves of Nova Williams. Christian Guilder bundles home an ugly second-half goal to seal a 1-0 win that basically nobody except Chatswood manager Laithstrider thought was deserved. “They wanted to win, they should’ve learned to finish,” he says, brusquely but fairly. Belgrave forget how to defend crosses as Chenoworth Rovers batter their way to a 3-1 win, while a beautiful arcing header from Isabelle Kruger is enough for Vermillion to edge the battle of the Wanderers.

1. TREASON - 78 - 33
2. CRISISBLESS - 74 - 28
3. CORVISTONE - 72 - 28
4. BRINEMOUTH - 71 - 30

18. CR. UNITED - 44 - -17
19. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -18
20. BELGRAVE - 41 - -21
--
21. HARRIERS - 36 - -30
22. C. WANDERERS - 34 - -20
23. ST. ROVERS - 31 - -46
24. V. WANDERERS - 30 - -19

A few startling results at the bottom, as genuinely terrible clubs actually win. Pillars knock Cypher down by two goals, and then down to ten men after the red mist descends on Andrea Bereveskos - understandable, a player of her class reduced to being knocked around the park by a thug like Lorzer, but the haymaker was a bit much - and even then things get nervy, Kynda-Sevet trying their luck and getting a favourable deflection to pull a goal back in the 84th minute. Cranequin City clinch a vital six-pointer against Bishop, the young midfield of Tsolakis, Seidler and Vishca finally getting results. Dartmouth don’t join the party, being torn apart 5-1 in Diamondqueen, while Creed enforce social distancing measures on third-placed Brookford, swatting them aside with ease, practically bullying them.

All eyes are on The Classic, right where they should be. It goes to type; for are they not opposites and equals? Well, today they are. Brinemouth are fluid, but lack penetration against the Stags’ ironclad defence, Clavel equal to every test from distance. In the 39th minute, however, they finally get the breakthrough; a beautiful ball from Woakes trapped and brought forward, flicked on diagonally. Jackson took it on the toe, turned and fired low past Clavel. All three strikers have had their chances this season, but it’s Jackson starting against Treason, and now Jackson scoring against Treason. But just the once. And the Stags improve in the second half, the beautiful simplicity of Fairfax’s cross, Fletcher’s knock-down, Uster’s tap-in levelling the scores. The Stags survive… but it’s still two dropped points, Crisisbless clambering to two points behind after knocking Athletic down with a 4-0 win. 4-0! Aurelian Gautier has a few senior moments in goal, once caught in possession by Germain, but he’s far from the only problem in a sluggish Athletic. Changes needed for next season. Corvistone are held by the Moths to fall further behind.

The Harriers have their struggles, but it’s not all bad. They can manage solid defensive performances, or goal threat. Just rarely at the same time, or enough of either. Today, they at least manage the first part, thanks in large part to Tristan Niedermayer shutting down Smiths danger man Lewis Phoenix essentially flawlessly. The young centre-half appears to have a much brighter future than the Harriers do, though Kou drops a late cross onto substitute winger Riviera Sanders’ head late on to give the Harriers the points, partially bridging the gap to safety. Cranequin Wanderers have no answer to Kotaro Katsura, who thoroughly runs the show for Belgrave with deft flicks and first touches. Even when rightback Kaveci puts Cranequin ahead in the 20th minute with a strike from distance that Tristram doesn’t react fast enough to, the Gargoyles have been dominant enough that nobody, surely, actually thinks they won’t win. They duly do, 3-1. Vermillion Wanderers beat Leichhardt and better still manage it with two goals from the centre of midfield, veteran Irsa Croxteth and 19-year old Lucius Prohaska each getting on the scoresheet, the latter with just his third senior start. Glory be, they’re actually off the bottom of the table!

1. TREASON - 79 - 33
2. CRISISBLESS - 77 - 32
3. CORVISTONE - 73 - 28
4. BRINEMOUTH - 72 - 30

18. CR. UNITED - 44 - -19
19. BELGRAVE - 44 - -19
20. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -21
--
21. HARRIERS - 39 - -29
22. C. WANDERERS - 34 - -22
23. V. WANDERERS - 33 - -18
24. ST. ROVERS - 31 - -48

Things go from bad to worse for Bishop; the short jaunt north into the Vale ends in chaos and humiliation, a 6-0 defeat by the Maulers who may not be the most quality side on paper, but have enough about them on their day. It’s a masterclass from Darren Halfhill in particular, the former Starling man untouchable in his free midfield role. Iron push Parrhesia hard. A little too hard. 2-1 up with half an hour to play, an overenthusiastic tackle from Sevecke gives away a penalty - duly converted - and a downright homicidal challenge from substitute Spicer sees him sent off just three minutes before arriving. Iron hold firm as they can, but the breakthrough comes. Eventually. In the 92nd minute, and an ugly scrapper at that, but they all count.

Treason put a sudden and violent end to Vermillion Wanderers’ good feelings as it rains goals on the south coast, the defence left beleagured and bewildered. It’s 5-0 by… half-time. Surprisingly, Treason don’t manage to run up the score in the second half, though by that point Seneca Matthews had brought on Vedder and Karling just to try and kill the game and Cheney Bittencourt had brought on Becker and Coxeter just to put minutes in their legs. Crisisbless are almost held by Newrook, but after 87 minutes of excellence, Kaara Iarrow parries a close-range header from Laiota right back down to him. Corvistone make similarly heavy weather of North Laithland, always wary of the Spiders’ counters - for good reason, Foley gashes them an hour in when they figured they were cruising - while Brinemouth cap off recent indifferent form by slipping out of the four altogether, battered into submission by Stahlburg City.

Crisisbless United are cruising. Hold on, weren’t they terrible for much of the season? Yep. But their industry and discipline in midfield helps them outlast the Chariots, and the pace and dynamism of Ronayne and Carter punishes them at the other end. It’s just been a rather flat season for Aries, with the Grey Holden Project still a ways off fruition. Cranequin Wanderers crawl forwards as the rest stumble, but it’s a quietly admirable win over a strong South Laithland side. The men in purple hack it forward; composed and efficient, the Wanderers’ back three head it back. Declan Mason has an outstanding match in the middle of the park before limping off half an hour in - mercifully, Vasya Kravec picks up where he left off. Eventually, the Southrons tire, the Wanderers dominate the ball. 71 minutes in, Kaveci, seemingly shuffling out to nowhere with Tsuker shepherding, suddenly cuts inside and plays in Gisella Riaz, who takes the ball past O’Connell and thumps the winner past Hartmuth’s near post.

1. TREASON - 82 - 38
2. CRISISBLESS - 80 - 33
3. CORVISTONE - 76 - 29
4. STARLING - 75 - 21

18. CR. UNITED - 47 - -17
19. BELGRAVE - 45 - -19
20. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -23
--
21. HARRIERS - 39 - -30
22. C. WANDERERS - 37 - -21
23. V. WANDERERS - 33 - -23
24. ST. ROVERS - 31 - -49

Raven River absolutely muller the Strongest. Eoin Killanen’s faces on the sidelines after each successive goal flies past Press quickly turn into a meme, either as a moodboard or just a spliced gif; in any case, the likes of Kurz and Gjasula continue to grow their legend even if the season itself has turned sour for the Ferrymen. The Otters stun the division by having the temerity to beat Parrhesia, a ruthless and unrelentingly, unapologetically physical defensive effort keeping the Saints at bay, their sheer pace on the break seeing them through to a nervy 2-1 win. Even so, they’re indebted to ‘keeper Chaeffer for a few brilliant point-blank saves.

Two excellent away victories set the Nepharim up for success. Crisisbless’ win over Ulsa, in the face of an early setback - Monako Saroszi striking from the corner of the box after a cheap and uncharacteristic turnover from Maia Abylon opens up the opportunity - showcases the dogged resilience that has been the theme of their season thus far, as well as the skill on display from Bowman and Woakes to overturn the deficit. Ironically, Ulsa’s goalscorer is a Nephar, while Bowman’s brace either side of the Woakes strike means all their goals were scored by Eurans. No irony in Brinemouth’s narrow win over Hellinic, though, just excellence in possession and a single decisive blow from rue Cazade. Who else?

We interrupt our usual table-focused endgame-of-season coverage to inform you of a shitload of goals. While a few teams don’t really get into the spirit of things - Vermillion Wanderers grind out a 1-0 win in Stahlburg over City, well done - most sides, even those with nothing to play for like a 3-3 draw between the northeastern rivals Newrook and Coret, set out to entertain. Or at least manage it by accident. First off: the thrashings. Treason affirm their dominance by hammering Belgrave 6-0, Cheney Bittencourt openly wondering if the Gargoyles have missed a trick by letting their insane manager Metzelder go (we’ll get back to her later). Starling surge to third place, despite conceding first to a Brayden Custworth header. There’s brief hope for Chenoworth Rovers. Roxel, Kesteren, Duchemin, Vandermark and Roebling wipe it out of existence. Chatswood’s goals fall firmly into consolation territory, despite being scored in the 51st and 58th minutes. Because Athletic, by then, were already 5-0 up. And while Tony Dalton has plenty to say post-match about the defensive lapses, the Rams’ manager finds it hard to be too upset because, well, they wind up scoring seven. And this is resting Tarala! Isaac Tomlinson scores a brace before being substituted for the local, Schanzer, who also scores, Ens linking well and deftly with both; the succession, then, very much still in the balance.

But the best viewing is across to the west of the city, in the green half of Sabrefell across the canal. Sabrefell Moths have been anarchic, Metzelder doesn’t quite have the grunt force in midfield she needs, but on a good day, if everyone fires… or if the front five fire, at least, as they do against Brinemouth. Yes, the Dockers haven’t exactly been a model of consistency themselves, caught in an unexpected transition period. But they still have the quality for, say, Otalia Kasmiir to just kind of decide to score from thirty yards out, a rocket blazing past Alexandra Markgraf to start out an unconvincing audition to replace club legend Griffin. But at the other end, Swansea Reach picks out Cathal Turner with a perfect little clipped ball over the top, the Cosumarite steals a march on the defence and stabs past Bull and better yet they manage a near-exact clone for the second, this time set up by Lorena Strausz. A free kick from rue Cazade dips over a wall that Markgraf was overreliant on, but three minutes later, the Moths have a penalty. Four minutes later, they’ve missed it - but wait! Bull was so far off his line even the referee has to call it back. Townsend makes good on it this time, and if you’re losing track at home, that’s 3-2. 4-2 by half-time, with Annika Cashin taking advantage of a clever one-two with Turner before driving through Bull’s feet. Brinemouth recover after the half, but they’re left playing catch-up; Jackson drives home after a scruffy sequence of play, but is cancelled out by fresh winger Ysabet Belgrade, blazing through with sheer pace and tipping a cheeky lob over Bull’s head. Iori Saitou comes off the bench to score within a couple of minutes, but eventually, Brinemouth just run out of time and slip further away from the top four. The Moths might not miss out on IFCF after all.

1. TREASON - 85 - 44
2. CRISISBLESS - 83 - 34
3. STARLING - 78 - 25
4. CORVISTONE - 76 - 27

18. CHARIOTS - 47 - -9
19. BELGRAVE - 45 - -25
20. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -28
--
21. HARRIERS - 39 - -31
22. C. WANDERERS - 37 - -23
23. V. WANDERERS - 36 - -22
24. ST. ROVERS - 31 - -50
15 points left to play for.

The Strongest do, occasionally, have a defence. Granted, Cranequin City aren’t exactly a side that will stretch them much, bar the valiant running of Karolin Forde and the occasional masterclass from Sasha Wheaton. Well, Wheaton offers nothing today, so shockingly, an 8th-minute goal from Sunstroem - on hand to tap home after Rotariu’s bullet header was too hot for Ledo to handle - is enough for the Strongest to win the day, and take hugely crucial points. Creed’s eventual 3-2 victory over North Sabrefell isn’t a team effort, unless you count it as the Bohemians’ failure to mark Delphi Barbarouses, a player with the quality to single-handedly turn the tide if left unmolested, which begs the question; why the fuck was she left unmolested?

A brace within the first half-hour from Valentin Germain, controversially rested in the first leg for the more industrious Laiota, pretty much secures the win over Ulsa. Hellinic force Brinemouth to open up with an early goal, but get blown away in the second half.

South Laithland roll out with a statement of intent against Treason, one of the many clubs that absolutely despise the Stags. “We’re gonna knock ‘em off their perch,” sneers Constantine Jurman. “We’ve got a great opportunity here to just really stick it to the pricks.” And despite an initial goal from John Fletcher, a beautiful looping header that punishes Hartmuth’s uncharacteristic flapping and dithering, a similarly direct effort leads to the classic combination of Bergander knock-down and Michail smashed point-blank strike. Briefly, South Laithland look able to go toe-to-toe with them. And then the second half happens, and Treason run away with a 4-1 win. Crisisbless keep pace, wary of Coret’s undoubted threat. 21-year old Raluca Garamond has a great game in goal for the Hawks, but there’s nothing she can do besides scramble inelegantly when Bowman taps home at the far post. As points get dropped below at a spectacular rate, the title race really is just between the two of them.

Belgrave defensive midfielder Rook Timekeeper continues to dazzle, and a composed performance against Stahlburg City - an intimidating opposition - secures a clean sheet and a point. It could have been more, but with Markus Strand injured, the rest of the team lacks threat. Cranequin Wanderers have an equally composed performance, and in a theme for the week, a serious audition by goalkeeper Konrad Matheny. They’re behind early against third-place Starling, but never panic, always play like they’re in control… and while, okay, there could stand to be some more urgency, which is to say any urgency, but as Jerrell Drake says, “the goal was going to come.” It falls to Imrishka Grahn, in the end. Butcher with the scything diagonal, Grahn lunging, sliding in, and just ever so slightly glancing the ball past the startled Smordal. Vermillion Wanderers can’t keep up the pace, and get mauled 4-0 by the Moths, while Stahlburg Rovers lose by the same margin to Athletic.

1. TREASON - 88 - 47
2. CRISISBLESS - 86 - 35
3. STARLING - 79 - 25
4. CORVISTONE - 76 - 26

18. CH. ROVERS - 48 - -17
19. BELGRAVE - 46 - -25
20. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -30
--
21. HARRIERS - 39 - -32
22. C. WANDERERS - 38 - -23
23. V. WANDERERS - 36 - -26
24. ST. ROVERS - 31 - -54
12 points left to play for.

Armstrong’s 1-0 defeat to Mantlegrove isn’t significant on its own; what matteres is that Armstrong have managed precisely one goal from their past six games, their promotion hopes melting to dust over that time. Parrhesia drop points, as Barossia United prove a difficult place to go, with a tight game plan, the willingness to put it to fruition and, in Markus Teamster, the reigning 2Div Player of the Year showing he’s more than capable of making the step up. They should win; only a late strike from Dallas, taking advantage of exhausted marking, gives the Saints a point. Goodfeather push Bishop towards relegation in Crisisbless’ sectarian derby, the veteran Dransfeld hugely influential but poacher Braugher doing the damage in a 2-0 win.

The Cities of Stahlburg and Newrook trade blows in a wary first leg, both coming through set pieces. One is simply battered home by Mathis Orsay, the ogrish centre-half smashing past marker Acland to almost hungrily get onto the end of Tschauner’s corner, while at the other end, Voeller just sticks it in from the free kick directly. Iron City are in full bus-parking survival mode against Treason. Disappointing, perhaps, but certainly prudent. Metzger and Accardi give the Stags the edge, but it’s still within ‘home upset’ range, just about.

Following a 4-0 demolition of Vermillion, Treason are 19-1 on aggregate over their past four games. Cheney Bittencourt’s Stags are in imperious form, laying waste to all in their path, defending peerlessly, finishing with confidence. But Crisisbless continue to keep pace, albeit in less spectacular fashion. It takes time to batter down a Chatswood side with little interest in anything but survival, a side which only gets one shot on target, a long throw in the 13th minute headed wayward by Teffeteller and smashed, with violence, straight at Na’Kefir by Guilder. Had he aimed anywhere else… even so, Crisisbless are made to sweat for it. But a moment of magic from Damion Bowman, sizzling past two men before rounding the goalkeeper and tapping… well, no, being driven too far wide, but Germain is there to follow in and ram home the opener. Teffeteller atones by heading home the clincher, off a Woakes corner. Adalheid Metzelder enjoys her reunion with Belgrave, now with vastly superior players in tow; young wingers Belgrade and Cashin flare into life, Turner gets a hat-trick and Karii Bruun clinches it, a spectacular long sprint from her natural position at rightback timed to perfection to allow a Cashin cross to land on her head on the far side of the box, a delicately angled header beating the blindsided Tristram.

Even so, Belgrave are seven points from danger and must consider themselves safe, with winnable fixtures to come. Arguably more importantly, the bottom five are all playing terribly, none appearing to have that last, desperate run in them. Chenoworth Harriers perform the best of them, but are left without a reward despite pushing Corvistone to the wire. One could almost be left heartbroken given the sheer energy of their pressing, the discipline in defence… inadequate. Arniston, Yonen and Co. pushed through regardless, and cruelly, the decisive goal comes after Catley’s cross is only flapped at by young goalkeeper Cameron and opportunistically stuck home by Meade. Cranequin reserve a dull performance for Southfell, only to be undone by a Lyzolda Petrov header late on; Vermillion Wanderers strike first against North Laithland in the 81st minute only to come undone at a single, beautiful pass from Asquith that sets Roberts clear to score in the 87th. Stahlburg Rovers look doomed, solid but nothing more against Newrook in a 1-0 defeat. They’d need three wins from three, and none of their opponents to get even one. Admittedly, the latter doesn’t look unlikely...

1. TREASON - 91 - 51
2. CRISISBLESS - 89 - 37
3. STARLING - 82 - 26
4. CORVISTONE - 79 - 27

19. BELGRAVE - 46 - -29
20. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -32
--
21. HARRIERS - 39 - -33
22. C. WANDERERS - 38 - -24
23. V. WANDERERS - 37 - -26
24. ST. ROVERS - 31 - -55
9 points left to play for.

Cranequin put a shot in the arm of their survival hopes with a tense 1-0 win over Cypher. A deft ball over the top from Sasha Wheaton finds Forde at a terribly acute angle. She can’t possibly score from there, can she? And yet, with pure power and a fair slice of luck, she does. The Terracotta Army hold onto it, grimly, for the rest of the game. Cypher have a fairly plausible shout at a penalty waved down, and then a later ‘goal’ from Rooke is chalked off for offside. Enough grievances with the referee to complain, not enough to be taken seriously. Bishop edge out Serpentine in another important win at the bottom, Faiza Huyton pulling out the magic from the right wing, while Bridge and Pillars play out a draw which helps neither of them.

Stahlburg come out to spoil in Newrook, and manage it and more. Regardless, the Rooks have only themselves to blame. Rozier’s clattered in the box by veteran defender Mifsud early on, but Tom Duffy looks all too casual as he trots out to go take the penalty. You just know it’s going to be terrible. It is. Rosmarin goes the right way and doesn’t really have to go far to catch it between his elbow and thigh. Brujah stabs home the only goal of the game at the other end in the 41st minute, a low cross from Tschauner fatally half-cleared by Windtide and driven home with venom. Iron hold out against Treason in the first half… but it’s very clear they are just holding out, Hornwood far busier than Clavel, the defence scrambling, tiring… it’s only a matter of time before Idai Uster senses a weakness and takes full advantage, with a clinching goal for McInnes in injury time. The final, then, is set to be… explosive.

The shock of the round is Crisisbless beating Stahlburg Rovers 1-0. It completes seven straight defeats for the Rovers. It relegates them. So, seriously, you can only score once, Heelers? Still, the match has serious repercussions on the table… because in the west, in a frantic affair, Treason are pressed and pressured into defeat against Starling. Metzger nets a late consolation to make the scoreline look better than it was; in truth, the Stags should never be bullied like they were, the nadir being a pass from Clavel under pressure from Duchemin that goes straight to Roebling, who just sets herself and rifles in over his head. Athletic scramble back to relevance on the back of an easy 2-0 win in Cranequin, top of three sides on 79 points after Brinemouth overcome and overtake the Crows. Is rue Cazade the true difference-maker for Brinemouth, now, and not Tidesson? The question’s starting to be asked.

Switching tracks to the Rovers, they’ve… well, they’ve been truly abject over the past couple of months. They never looked like they had the quality to stay up, but for a time, Reinhard Drake was able to fake it regardless. But it’s a particularly abject week for the relegation dogfighters, as the entire bottom six lose without scoring. Almost all have reasons to be disappointed; Belgrave are just flattened by North Laithland’s intensity, Chatswood fail to test Coret’s notoriously pliable defence, and Vermillion Wanderers become the effervescent Crisisbless United’s next victims. United’s strength is the Wanderers’ weakness; the centre of midfield. Predictably, the Chequers run the show.

1. CRISISBLESS - 92 - 38
2. TREASON - 91 - 49
3. STARLING - 85 - 28
4. ATHLETIC - 79 - 34
5. BRINEMOUTH - 79 - 31
6. CORVISTONE - 79 - 25

19. BELGRAVE - 46 - -32
20. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -33
--
21. HARRIERS - 39 - -34
22. C. WANDERERS - 38 - -26
23. V. WANDERERS - 37 - -28
24. ST. ROVERS - 31 - -56
6 points left to play for.

Creed and Cranequin City play out a bore draw, which pulls up the drawbridge on the bottom three, despite those sides acquitting themselves fairly well on the night. Pillars draw 1-1 with mercurial Diamondqueen, but despite getting plenty of the ball just do not have that final threat. Gonen’s Bridge, despite a creditable point in Barossia, have gone from the side that got all the 50/50s last year to the side that just can’t seem to catch a lucky break, Murin and Connell here hitting the upright twice in the same stretch of play. The difference confidence makes! Dartmouth have been fairly abject all season, but at least a 1-0 defeat in North Sabrefell is respectable. They had rock-solid centre-halves and a good goalkeeper. And nothing else.

The possibility for an all-Nepharan final… hangs in the balance, to put it diplomatically. Brinemouth draw out Union into an open game when Tidesson steals a march on the defence and flicks an early header past Farrell, but the Dockers get more than they bargained for, and are concussed out of place on a rainy day in Brenecia. Crisisbless are just outplayed by Soldarian, a desperately disappointing performance against opposition skilled enough to take full advantage.

Southfell goalkeeper Ursula Gavaris becomes the toast of Crisisbless. With the scores locked at 1-1 against the Stags, Svenja Bowyer - once thought to be a Treason target - wearily lashes out at former Tanner Fairfax, and the winger obligingly takes the fall. Step forward Mikkel Jonsson… but Gavaris, a little off her line, granted, but at full stretch, tips the penalty around the post to salvage the point and, more importantly, deny the Stags two. All Crisisbless have to do is beat Chenoworth Rovers at home. They… don’t. They… lose, 2-0, inexplicably. A defensive howler, an airswing, from former Rover Teffeteller is immediately seized on by Patton and Forrest, both actually hitting the ball at the same time and between them hooking past Na’Kefir at close range; Forrest gets the credit, and then sets up Vithoulkas for a late tap-in. The picture below them fragments; Starling lose the chance to pull away from the little group of wannabe CL qualifiers as they’re battered down by Stahlburg City, Brinemouth easily sweep away the Harriers to keep in front of the Crows, who make heavy work of a determined Vermillion Wanderers side, while Athletic slip to defeat against Leichhardt. Stahlburg City and Southfell remain in the chase for seventh, as do Sabrefell Moths, who murder Vermillion Rage 4-0. Overall, the picture on the final matchday is delicious.

In a congested midtable, just six points split 10th (Vermillion Rage) from 17th (the Chariots). Hey, remember when Crisisbless United were in serious relegation trouble? They’re now twenty points clear of the drop, after a fourth straight clean-sheet victory, this one 3-0 against an already-safe Belgrave. As it stands, the situation at the bottom is almost unchanged; nearly everyone loses. Sleepy Chatswood just never get out of second gear against the Chariots, though a point next week will still assure their safety. But now, not only the Harriers but, following a scoreless draw against Newrook, Cranequin Wanderers can overtake them with victory, and have favourable goal difference. Two further points beneath, Vermillion Wanderers’ great escape remains a possibility. Stahlburg Rovers get a point at last, against the dismal Hawks, but it’s far too little, too late.

Parrhesia casually sweep River into the bin. Yes, they’re champions. They’ve been champions for a while. Creed beat Corvette 2-0 without too much issue; on most other seasons, they’d be champions. That win confirms Brookford’s promotion, an unusually cagey side by the standards of Elrik Raskine but one that have without a doubt restored his reputation. They’re outlasted by Iron, a single free header from Vermouth making the difference, which makes the playoff fight between Corvette and Iron interesting.

With the bottom three confirmed, all the intrigue surrounds the relegation playoff place. The Strongest do not help their cases one bit by getting demolished 8-4 by Goodfeather. How does that even happen? They find themselves in a 3-0 hole early on and while their forward line technically pulls back the difference, they’re massacred on the break time and again by the composed Quakers. That leaves them 20th; Bishop and CNL draw 1-1 to both remain in danger, Cranequin City getting a point themselves to inch closer to the pack.

Alas; the dream falls at the final hurdle. Both opposing sides need only shut down their Nepharan challengers, and do so to near-perfection.

As pretty much everyone predicted going into the season, Morningstar are champions. They had a brilliantly-marshalled defence with Andros Hertzka nearly invincible, Rosenstiel and Ryder exerting dominance through the centre and Roxanna Strong to batter in the goals up front. They look a good bet to crest a hundred points. Peregrine will almost certainly join them, Rebecca Kelsey vindicating the faith placed in her by the board and the fans; they’ve boasted the best goal threat in the league, but their veteran corps of attacking midfielders looks badly in need of refurbishment next season. Greygate, Aries, Ballardine and Alliance are split by a hair’s breadth, fighting over the last place and a half. The bottom four are confirmed; Brokenarch, Coret Rovers, Mapleford and Rochford Pilgrims have all just lacked the quality this season. All that’s left is to fight over the playoff place.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 AFC Treason            45   26  14   5    84   35  +49    92
 2 Crisisbless            45   29   5  11    72   36  +36    92
 3 Starling               45   24  13   8    77   51  +26    85
 4 Brinemouth             45   24  10  11    96   63  +33    82
 5 AFC Corvistone         45   23  13   9    74   48  +26    82
 6 Sabrefell Athletic     45   21  16   8    90   58  +32    79
 7 Stahlburg City         45   19  12  14    48   34  +14    69
 8 Sabrefell Moths        45   17  17  11    82   54  +28    68
 9 Southfell United       45   19  11  15    72   58  +14    68
10 Vermillion Rage        45   18   9  18    70   69   +1    63
11 South Laithland        45   17  11  17    60   58   +2    62
12 North Laithland        45   15  17  13    58   56   +2    62
13 Newrook City           45   16  11  18    53   62   −9    59
14 Crisisbless United     45   17   8  20    61   71  −10    59
15 Leichhardt             45   16  10  19    49   59  −10    58
16 Coret Hawks            45   13  18  14    69   63   +6    57
17 Aries Chariots         45   15  12  18    52   58   −6    57
18 Chenoworth Rovers      45   14  10  21    52   70  −18    52
19 Belgrave               45   12  10  23    46   81  −35    46
20 Chatswood              45   11   9  25    34   68  −34    42
21 Cranequin Wanderers    45    9  12  24    30   56  −26    39
22 Chenoworth Harriers    45   10   9  26    44   80  −36    39
23 Vermillion Wanderers   45    8  13  24    48   77  −29    37
24 Stahlburg Rovers       45    8   8  29    36   92  −56    32

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
 1 Parrhesia United        45   40   2   3   114   33  +81   122
 2 Creed United            45   31   6   8   100   45  +55    99
 3 Brookford Otters        45   25   8  12    65   40  +25    83
 4 Corvette Maulers        45   23   8  14    67   54  +13    77
 5 Iron City               45   21  13  11    57   37  +20    76
 6 Goodfeather FC          45   21   7  17    77   61  +16    70
 7 Diamondqueen            45   18  15  12    72   50  +22    69
 8 Cypher Town             45   21   6  18    65   51  +14    69
 9 Raven River             45   19  11  15    90   63  +27    68
10 Armstrong               45   19  11  15    45   46   −1    68
11 North Sabrefell         45   19  10  16    74   61  +13    67
12 Chardonnay Rangers      45   18  13  14    66   65   +1    67
13 AFC Serpentine          45   19   6  20    61   59   +2    63
14 Barossia United         45   12  19  14    54   51   +3    55
15 Mantlegrove             45   14   9  22    47   60  −13    51
16 AFC Rochford            45   11  16  18    40   62  −22    49
17 Crisisbless Athletic    45   12  13  20    47   79  −32    49
18 Bishop                  45   13   8  24    44   76  −32    47
19 Corinthians No Longer   45   11  13  21    59   77  −18    46
20 The Strongest           45   12  10  23    61  102  −41    46
21 Cranequin City          45   10  15  20    33   55  −22    45
22 Pillars of Southfell    45    9  13  23    42   69  −27    40
23 Gonen's Bridge          45    8  15  22    55   94  −39    39
24 Dartmouth Terriers      45    7   7  31    36   81  −45    28

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Morningstar            44  30   7   7  78  32  +46  97
  2 Peregrine              44  24   8  12  81  52  +29  80
  3 Greygate               44  21  12  11  63  37  +26  75
  4 Aries Solitaire        44  21  11  12  65  44  +21  74
  5 Ballardine FC          44  21  11  12  53  42  +11  74
  6 Alliance Barossia      44  20  13  11  49  34  +15  73
  7 Locksley               44  18  12  14  72  53  +19  66
  8 Hackett                44  19   8  17  54  48   +6  65
  9 Riverkey               44  17  13  14  52  45   +7  64
 10 Sheridan               44  19   7  18  35  37   -2  64
 11 Autumnstone            44  17  11  16  53  55   -2  62
 12 West Brinemouth        44  14  18  12  40  41   -1  60
 13 Stonegrave             44  16  12  16  43  51   -8  60
 14 Ritter Town            44  16  11  17  54  54   +0  59
 15 The Hanged Man         44  17   7  20  40  39   +1  58
 16 Boltcroft Thorns       44  16  10  18  57  59   -2  58
 17 Falston United         44  14  13  17  49  43   +6  55
 18 Extreme Hills          44  14  12  18  60  69   -9  54
 19 Gosmouth Swans         44  14  11  19  51  67  -16  53
 20 AFC Shale              44  15   7  22  34  46  -12  52
 21 Brokenarch             44  11   9  24  36  72  -36  42
 22 Coret Rovers           44  11   6  27  37  68  -31  39
 23 Mapleford              44  10   9  25  43  75  -32  39
 24 Rochford Pilgrims      44  10   8  26  47  83  -36  38

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lazuli Diamonds              44  26  11   7  111  53  +58  89
  2 Kommissar                    44  25  10   9   84  37  +47  85
  3 Crossroads Town              44  25   4  15   75  59  +16  79
  4 Lockheed Zenith              44  23   8  13   77  51  +26  77
  5 Ingram Township              44  21  12  11   52  31  +21  75
  6 Kensey Town                  44  21  10  13   79  63  +16  73
  7 New Oakstone Phoenix         44  20   9  15   64  52  +12  69
  8 Southriver                   44  20   9  15   65  54  +11  69
  9 Brindleton                   44  17  16  11   61  46  +15  67
 10 Strephonage                  44  19  10  15   49  39  +10  67
 11 East Laithland Harriers      44  20   5  19   81  69  +12  65
 12 Martella Jazz                44  19   8  17   71  63   +8  65
 13 Cranequin Souths             44  19   6  19   60  61   -1  63
 14 Constance Park               44  13  18  13   53  58   -5  57
 15 Hartford Glade               44  14  13  17   54  63   -9  55
 16 Crownsend Journey            44  15  10  19   52  70  -18  55
 17 West Hook                    44  14  12  18   42  56  -14  54
 18 Riverkey Shells              44  15   8  21   48  66  -18  53
 19 Downsparrow                  44  12  16  16   47  58  -11  52
 20 Caldwick Strand              44  14  10  20   48  68  -20  52
 21 Iron United                  44  11  14  19   48  72  -24  47
 22 South Parrhesia              44   9  10  25   47  89  -42  37
 23 Ox River United              44   6  11  27   29  72  -43  29
 24 FC Seierstad                 44   7   6  31   41  88  -47  27

by **Nephara** » Sat Jul 11, 2020 1:57 am

With a 3-0 win in Riverkey, the Diamonds clinched the 3Div title with a game to spare, Kommissar long assured of joining them into the third tier. Ingram Township did the hard part with panache, destroying Crossroads Town 3-0, before succumbing to Southriver where a win would have sealed promotion; Crossroads only managed a draw with East Laithland, meaning that Zenith’s narrow 1-0 win over Brindleton seizes third. Crossroads now have the playoff. Iron United managed four points from their last two games but couldn’t quite close the gap; on 51 points they are perhaps unlucky to be going down, but South Parrhesia, Ox River and FC Seierstad were truly abysmal all season.

Perched in third, Greygate drop the ball; outmuscled by Sheridan and bullied into a draw, they fail to fire against West Brinemouth and fall all the way to sixth. Alliance Barossia secure wins against difficult opposition, Boltcroft away and then Solitaire at home, to clamber to third at the last minute; Ballardine, though losing to lowly Mapleford at half-time, overcome the deficit and make it to a scarcely-believable fourth. Brokenarch smash four past Coret Rovers and hold Stonegrave to a draw to maintain hold of the playoff position, with the Rovers, Mapleford and Rochford Pilgrims’ demise assured.

In play:
Corvette a point ahead of Iron City in the race for 4th;
Cranequin City trying to catch up to Bishop, CNL and the Strongest to avoid 21st.

While four clubs could hypothetically drop to the playoff place, Cranequin City have a problem; they’re playing in Vermillion. Parrhesia predictably score first, Belfry wresting the ball from Wheaton before passing to Mueller, who picks out Fohler with a sweeping diagonal ball forward. The slow Cranequin defence doesn’t get back in time to stop Fohler volleying into the ground, across Ledo and in, for the opener. Cranequin don’t exactly excel at playing catch-up. Rochford also score quickly, prosaically, a long throw from Neville not dealt with by anyone before being swept past Marisnick by Scharnberg. That alone puts Iron in fourth, even before Remsza drives home what proves to be the only goal of the game against Pillars. Leading into half-time, things look pretty straightforward, with Bishop leading Cypher to put them in a commanding position, and the ex-Corinthians and Strongest both in scoreless draws. They’re calm. They don’t need to be faster than the bear chasing them, just faster than Cranequin.

Well, that suddenly looks less assured. From the 45th to 55th minutes, Parrhesia’s defence turns laissez-faire, allowing Satotxe to head home a corner from Wheaton, Forde to thrash home a close-range effort and a Tsolakis effort only turned against the bar by a sudden, twisting save from Laisne. Suddenly, the Saints have to get serious. The ex-Corinthians concede to Goodfeather, Yente Shulthis nipping the ball off the lackadaisical Barron and driving past Rowett from the edge of the box; they’re now reliant on City choking. Corvette concede a second to Rochford, and will ultimately lose 2-1 to let fourth slip. Bishop keep their lead over Cypher, thanks in large part to Strom saving a dubious penalty. Sadly for the Terracotta Army, it doesn’t matter; Parrhesia get themselves together in the last twenty minutes, Mueller almost lazily lashes in a strike from the edge of the box before capping off her player of the match display by setting up young winger Swann to drive home the winner. Iron and Cranequin, then, clinch the playoff places at either end.

PREMIERSHIP FINALE - MINUTE-BY-MINUTE COVERAGE by MALTE LINHARDT
TITLE RACE
AFC Treason (4-4-2) 1 - Clavel; 2 - Stride, 13 - Lockheed, 5 - Sale, 3 - Va’Afaja (c); 7 - Accardi, 4 - Rauch, 8 - Cromwell, 16 - McInnes; 21 - Metzger, 9 - Uster
Form Guide: 3W - 1D - 1L
Sabrefell Athletic (4-4-2) 20 - Tioux; 2 - Fox, 22 - Reinhardt, 13 - Sigismund, 3 - Lucas; 26 - Rouvas, 14 - Celustka, 8 - Dominique, 18 - Isusi; 7 - Tarala (c), 9 - Ens
Form Guide: 3W - 1D - 1L
Treason know what they have to do. Victory - or at least a result matching Crisisbless’ - will be enough to secure the title. But beating Athletic is no easy task, even with a couple of injuries. The Rams harbour slim hopes of fourth, but would need to win and Brinemouth and Corvistone to both lose.

Cranequin Wanderers (3-5-2) 12 - Matheny; 13 - Musgrave, 23 - Carlin, 5 - Stoeva; 6 - Kaveci, 20 - Riaz, 8 - Mason, 21 - Butcher (c), 3 - Islinger; 7 - Grahn, 10 - Koellner
Form Guide: 0W - 2D - 3L
Crisisbless (4-2-3-1) 1 - Na’Kefir; 2 - Longship, 13 - Teffeteller, 4 - Bajnok (c), 16 - Strassman; 15 - Abylon, 6 - Bronte; 7 - Quintero, 8 - Woakes, 10 - Bowman; 11 - Germain
Form Guide: 4W - 0D - 1L
Crisisbless are in with a good shout of overtaking them, needing to better the Stags’ result. The goal difference is such that simply a greater margin of victory will never be enough. Kastriot is suspended, with bad timing, and Villanueva injured. Fortunately, they’re playing 21st-place Cranequin; unfortunately, they’re playing 21st-place Cranequin. The Wanderers need to win, and Chatswood to lose, to try and escape the playoff, while anything less than that leaves them open to being overtaken by the Harriers or Vermillion Wanderers. Star midfielder Riaz is playing through an injection.

IFCF RACE
Starling (4-3-1-2) 1 - Smordal; 2 - Asghar, 5 - Berg, 4 - Visser, 18 - Vandermark; 15 - Roebling, 8 - Roxel, 23 - Price; 11 - Kesteren; 7 - Dostalok (c), 9 - Duchemin
Form Guide: 3W - 1D - 1L
Sabrefell Moths (4-3-3) 12 - Markgraf; 2 - Bruun, 5 - Jabelon, 13 - Brabanzon, 3 - Muscadin; 21 - Strausz, 6 - Shone, 8 - Reach; 10 - Belgrade, 20 - Turner, 11 - Aedelbrandt
Form Guide: 4W - 1D - 0L
Both sides need something here. Having come so far after being written off, the Passerines may currently be in third but leave themselves open to losing their Champions League place with defeat here, should both the Dockers and Crows win. The Moths still harbour faint hopes of the Challengers Cup, with hot recent form, but they will need a win since either Southfell or Stahlburg City will pick up points.

Brinemouth (4-2-3-1) 1 - Bull; 2 - Spencer, 5 - Steele, 18 - Brosch, 3 - Close; 21 - Soederquist (c), 8 - Kasmiir; 7 - Tidesson, 9 - rue Cazade, 13 - Deventer; 25 - Jackson
Form Guide: 3W - 1D - 1L
Aries Chariots (4-4-2) 20 - Senninger; 2 - Ashcroft, 5 - Tarrasch (c), 4 - Na’Duha, 3 - Roskilde; 23 - Shahin, 13 - Tokich, 6 - Rzazade, 16 - Selke; 12 - Lazarou, 10 - Walsh
Form Guide: 3W - 1D - 1L
Brinemouth are looking for a result to protect fourth place, and maybe even take third. It will be Stig Soederquist’s last game for the club, so here’s hoping they can send him off in style. The Chariots have drifted all season, and an injury to Rowena Sierra has robbed them of their best attacking weapon. You’d have to mark the Dockers easy favourites.

Belgrave (4-3-3) 20 - Tristram; 43 - Costly, 5 - Kinsey-Hessenford, 18 - Bruhn, 3 - Russett; 34 - Berkut, 4 - Timekeeper, 8 - Katsura; 7 - Sloan, 16 - Strand, 12 - Vasiliadis
Form Guide: 0W - 1D - 4L
AFC Corvistone (4-3-3) 1 - Feldman; 20 - Savo, 18 - Verlander, 22 - Green, 3 - Almwood; 11 - Morham (c), 4 - Keskin, 7 - Arniston; 15 - Ulreich, 21 - Warrington, 24 - Meade
Form Guide: 2W - 0D - 3L
While the Crows have seemed to run out of steam of late and are missing Malia Yonen and Kaya Catley through injury, they’ll fancy their chances of victory here as those above them face harder tasks. Belgrave’s last five matches include zero goals scored and sixteen conceded. They’re fielding three teenagers, including Sander Costly making his starting debut.

Stahlburg City (4-1-4-1) 1 - Prant-Telew; 2 - Rostock, 22 - Orsay, 25 - Cooke, 3 - Markkanen; 6 - Pearce; 33 - Reed, 4 - Brujah, 10 - Henry, 16 - Tschauner; 9 - Phoenix
Form Guide: 3W - 1D - 1L
Southfell United (4-4-2) 1 - Gavaris; 2 - Bowyer, 19 - Stankovic, 6 - Ellis, 12 - Brandt; 22 - Forestier, 4 - Hensser, 23 - Nagy, 16 - Anselm; 21 - Petrov, 10 - Gundersen
Form Guide: 4W - 1D - 0L
Stahlburg City and Southfell United are currently 6th and 8th, split by a point with Sabrefell Moths between them. The Smiths have waited a long time for their glorious return… but they must have an eye on the Cup final next week. Southfell are in great form, and unencumbered by such concerns.

DEAD RUBBERS
Chenoworth Rovers (4-4-2) 1 - Corridan; 17 - Svava, 5 - Worn, 6 - Capradossi (c), 18 - Curtis; 7 - Koerner, 21 - Dupont, 8 - Forrest, 31 - Kamasz; 14 - Custworth, 9 - Patton
Form Guide: 1W - 1D - 3L
Coret Hawks (4-4-2) 20 - Garamond; 14 - Silversmith, 18 - Koller, 5 - Brand, 3 - Burns; 7 - Skapetis, 8 - Charisteas, 23 - Okafor, 33 - Bandler; 9 - Basilisk, 17 - Caldwell
Form Guide: 1W - 3D - 1L
The Rovers and Hawks have both been in mediocreville all season. That’s about the Rovers’ level; the Hawks, not so much.

South Laithland (4-4-2) 1 - Hartmuth (c); 2 - Novick, 5 - O’Connell, 19 - Pike, 18 - Tsuker; 35 - Conrad, 15 - Jurman, 14 - Menat, 8 - Dionne; 16 - Bergander, 33 - Radler
Form Guide: 1W - 2D - 2L
Crisisbless United (4-2-3-1) 12 - Lazareva; 2 - Mosin, 5 - Dreider, 22 - Alphonse, 3 - Collins; 8 - Garner, 6 - Marshall; 23 - Swanmore, 7 - Roesler, 47 - Vossler; 9 - Carter
Form Guide: 4W - 0D - 1L
South Laithland’s IFCF purge petred out towards the end, but it remains an impressive season for Daniel Kunde. Crisisbless United were deep in the shit for a good, long while before Tim Maitfield did what he does best and zoomed out of the relegation picture. 17-year old winger Martine Vossler wins a starting debut for an embryonic United.

Leichhardt (4-4-2) 1 - Adekoya; 6 - Somner, 41 - Bauer, 18 - Foreman, 17 - Woodruff; 15 - Meier, 4 - Vintner, 12 - Brind, 23 - Loxton (c); 21 - Stevenson, 9 - Kewell
Form Guide: 1W - 2D - 2L
Newrook City (4-2-3-1) 12 - Theoklitos; 17 - Soeringer, 5 - Clevinger, 19 - Acland, 3 - Kohler (c); 15 - Swibel, 8 - Voeller; 21 - Constantine, 7 - Bronson, 36 - Treatise; 9 - Margush
Form Guide: 3W - 2D - 0L
Leichhardt aren’t resting players so much as just having been shredded by injury of late. Newrook are resting, but the effect remains the same. Both sides more or less got the safe midtable seasons they wanted without pulling any trees up. Few neutrals will be tuning in here.

Vermillion Rage (4-3-3) 20 - Hartnett; 33 - Schrader, 18 - Anderson, 19 - Skondreas, 3 - Rouphos; 8 - Konse, 6 - Maersk, 14 - Fleetwood; 10 - Mrdja, 37 - Chiliarch, 16 - Moyer
Form Guide: 1W - 1D - 3L
North Laithland (4-3-3) 1 - Krieven; 2 - Rashica (c), 5 - Black, 6 - Jaan, 18 - Garnett; 21 - Beltrame, 16 - Moritz, 11 - Asquith; 12 - Foley, 9 - Thornwood, 19 - Bellmare
Form Guide: 1W - 2D - 2L
Vermillion and the Laithlands make up a happy upper-midtable island, well removed from the IFCF fights but also happily above the midtable stramash. Vermillion are fielding a fairly experimental side. The Spiders are not. Hestia Canaan has little time for ‘handing out free minutes for the unworthy’, as she bluntly put it.

RELEGATION BATTLE
Stahlburg Rovers (4-4-2) 12 - Wever; 18 - Mesorounis, 5 - Kresp-Cinic, 6 - Macellan, 3 - Michalak; 7 - Sebring, 4 - Sable, 10 - Talay, 16 - Taylor; 9 - Sharpe (c), 21 - Radcliffe
Form Guide: 0W - 1D - 4L
Chatswood (4-2-3-1) 1 - Williams; 2 - Heidt, 5 - Ozolx-Alfan, 20 - Bishop, 16 - Rustu; 15 - Bischoff, 4 - Rivan; 13 - Conleth, 21 - Prentice, 11 - Caulker; 10 - Henderson (c)
Form Guide: 0W - 0D - 5L
Look at the form guide. These teams are both terrible. The Rovers have at least already been relegated, but all Chatswood need is a point. Both sides are playing somewhat experimental sides. The Rovers are putting a leftback at rightback due to the poor performance of Wernbloom and Hoare, Chatswood a left winger at leftback in an otherwise very cautious lineup. Wever debuts in goal for the Rovers, lacking decidedly in height, but it’s not like Gilzean’s been anything but mediocre.

Vermillion Wanderers (4-3-3) 1 - Randwick; 2 - Auburn, 5 - Moss, 18 - Bohr, 3 - Parissis; 4 - Vedder, 21 - Corren, 23 - Croxteth; 7 - Malkorra, 9 - Saara, 11 - Kalevi
Form Guide: 1W - 1D - 3L
Chenoworth Harriers (4-2-3-1) 1 - Cameron; 2 - Greene, 5 - Carroll, 6 - Niedermayer, 18 - Tsicaderis; 32 - Raskin, 10 - Stensholt (c); 7 - Rivers, 11 - Girardi, 13 - Kou; 17 - Wright
Form Guide: 0W - 0D - 5L
Bizarrely, Vermillion Wanderers are still in with a good chance. Some bookmakers actually have them as the favourites to get to the potential safety of the relegation playoff. They need to beat the Harriers, who in turn will probably have a chance to stay up with a point, but points have been... elusive. And of course they both want Crisisbless to beat Cranequin. The Wanderers retain the 4-3-3 which has given them their recent, relative success; the Harriers are forced to give 35-year old leftback Tsicaderis her ninth straight start due to an injury to Kite, while teenager Raskin starts in a holding midfield role.

KICK-OFF!

1 mins - And already Crisisbless have made a statement of intent. Should Bowman shoot from sight, thirty yards out? Matheny catches it easily enough. But it’s a nice little reminder; they’re here. They’re out for blood.

2 mins - Treason and Athletic have had a rather more measured start to the game. Both sides are very capable of hurting the other. Both are wary of being hurt. Elsebeth Celustka is the one to watch out for here, her audition to see if she can step into Coltrane’s shoes on a big occasion. She can run, the way he no longer can, but it’ll be a miracle if she’s ever half the playmaker.

3 mins - GOAL! VRR 0-1 NLA. Oh, dear. Vermillion Rage appear to think that there’s a nonaggression pact for the first few minutes, judging by the sheer… the sheer lackadaisy with which Skondreas passes casually along to young goalkeeper Fiona Hartnett. Oh, the horror dawning on Hartnett’s face when Foley sprints onto the end of it, and dinks it over the top… delicious.

4 mins - Oh, fuck me. There’s so much at stake. I slept for fourteen hours last night to be ready for this. I’ve cracked open the fresh new Peppermint Sunrise-flavour First Wind. I don’t know how they got the orange and green swirls in. And, God, it tastes awful. It’s fine. It’s fine. I’ve got like seven of these.

5 mins - GOAL! STA 0-[/b]1 SFM.[/b] Metzelder likes to present herself as the big new innovator, but she’s got as much appreciation for the old ways as anyone. Remember; this is the club of Cheney Rosewood bombarding endless crosses onto Gerhard Thunder. And while Aedelbrandt and Turner are both vastly superior players to Rosewood and Thunder, and indeed any player from the first years of the Premiership, they can still link up the same way to lethal effect.

6 mins - Watching Stahlburg Rovers and Chatswood play is seriously going to drive me insane. I’m so grateful I have eleven other screens displaying literally anything else. The passing is so bereft of confidence on both sides, so short of adventure.

7 mins - GOAL! LEI 1-0 NRC. Industry wins the day for the Stargazers. A cross from Loxton is headed clear to midfield, Swibel chests it down and turns to clear it but is jumped by Felicia Brind, the clearance and Swibel’s boot both snapping into her shins. Brind grimaces and stumbles forward, the referee hesitates with the whistle at his lips, and the Leichhardt midfielder blasts the rebound beyond the startled, fumbling Theoklitos.

8 mins - Athletic almost take the lead in Treason! One of those sneaky little passes from Ens finds Tarala, and the Vilitan striker has time to slow in stride, shaping to shoot - Lockheed desperately flies in from his blindside, and only an inch-perfect tackle takes the ball without the man! The danger isn’t over; Isusi sprints onto the rebound as the Stags race to cover, and he rushes a shot as Fox slides in, the ball deflecting off his studs, and Clavel has to react very smartly to tip the ball around the post.

9 mins - The fun isn’t over for Treason! Isusi’s cross finds Reinhardt unmarked - unmarked! - but the defender can only hammer the ball into the crossbar with her free header. Defender or not, you have to hit the target there. Her hands are on her head. Cheney Bittencourt, meanwhile, is apoplectic on the sidelines.

10 mins - Chenoworth Harriers have had a sloppy game of it so far. Passes aren’t sticking, penetration is a pipe dream. Randwick’s yet to be tested, and he’s a keeper who, bluntly, at this level, you’d want to test. Vermillion Wanderers haven’t had a clear shot on goal either, but Croxteth isn’t far off with a snap-shot from outside the box.

11 mins - Writing in from Treason: “You’re missing a trick with the Peppermint,” suggests Laureate Monroe. Don’t I know it. “I only ever drink the Blackcurrant Devastation flavour. Every day for the past five years, it’s how I’ve faced the morning.” Jesus.

12 mins - GOAL! BRI 1-0 ARC. The Chariots have looked flat in midfield all game, and against the Dockers, that’s just asking for trouble. Soederquist seizes the ball from Tokich and rolls forward to rue Cazade in miles of space. He slows, picks his target and flights the ball into the top corner, leaving Senninger without a chance.

13 mins - Uh-oh. Gisella Riaz is hobbling for Cranequin. But the Eastfielder insists she can carry on, despite her injury cloud. Do Cranequin stand a chance without her? Is her sitting down waving off the medic merely a time-wasting ruse after thirteen bloody minutes?

14 mins - Happy to report I’ve mainlined the entire Peppermint Sunrise. I am now ready for anything else. What the hell is Dragonfruit Lobotomy?

15 mins - A couple more shots across the bow from the Stags and Rams both, but apart from that one Tarala chance, neither has quite had a true decisive moment.

16 mins - Crisisbless nearly take the lead! Declan Mason practically suplexes Woakes as she bears down towards the box, nobody argues the foul. It’s a dangerous position. The Euran playmaker licks her lips, tests her chances, dips it over the wall and heading for the bottom corner but Matheny, absolutely flying from the moment the ball was struck, closes the distance and slaps it around the post!

17 mins - GOAL! BRI 2-0 ARC. Another cheap turnover to Soederquist, who is absolutely monstering Chariots left right and centre. Rue Cazade sweeps the loose ball left with a single fluid motion, Deventer rushes past Ashcroft and dinks the ball past Senninger with her first touch.

18 mins - Chatswood have managed the first shot on target of the match against Stahlburg Rovers, and fair play to Rinus Wever, he’s made a good save. A taller goalkeeper might have just… you know, attacked Rustu’s cross in to Henderson, but Wever stuck on his line and parried the header when it came. Macellan clears, to ragged cheers around Griffindon.

19 mins - GOAL! SLA 1-0 CRU. 17-year old Martine Vossler looks an impressive prospect… but she gets caught in tunnel vision here, playing her way straight down the middle of Novick and O’Connell but a heavy touch takes the ball straight to Hartmuth. He doesn’t waste time, hurling down the left to Tsuker, who hoofs it up to Dionne, who smacks a brilliant, direct long ball up ahead… Lazareva and Bergander both go for it and get in each other’s way, it brushes gently against Lazareva’s fingertips, and Radler skids on the ground trying to adjust herself to go backwards at speed. She does it better than Alphonse, runs back onto the loose ball and desperately scoops it into the net, falling over with the effort. Not the classiest counterattack, but undeniably effective, and a great confidence-booster for the promising teenage striker.

20 mins - Brinemouth are looking pretty much unstoppable, and so far, Belgrave aren’t playing like a side that’s been massacred across their last few games. The Crows, whisper it, look like the pressure might be getting to them. Hadrian Belfast’s certainly found plenty to complain about on the sidelines.

21 mins - In Cranequin, Gisella Riaz has stayed on the pitch, but looks understandably shy of tackles. Bronte’s been going in very heavy on her, and it’s no accident. Bad sportsmanship? Fuck off, there’s a title on the line!

22 mins - GOAL! STC 1-0 SFU. Should arguably be called off, honestly, but it’s difficult to make calls against the Smiths at home. Brujah absolutely cleans out Nagy, hard enough they both spin out and away from the ball, but Rostock nips inside, picks up the ball and sends it into the box. Phoenix chests it down, has Ellis handsy on his back, and shuttles it to his side where Severine Reed is racing on the overlap. The teenage winger makes no mistake driving a composed finish past Gavaris.

23 mins - It bears mention that Southfell have an 18-year old winger called Duadexa Troubadour on the bench. That’s the most fuck-off conspicuous north Sabrefell name I’ve heard in my life, I’m actively amazed she’s from south of the canal.

24 mins - Eliza from Crisisbless has a bone to pick with Laureate from Treason - unsurprising, look at the title race tonight. “Let’s face it, when it comes to performance-enhancing substances on the commercial market, First Wind is a pale, fizzy shadow of Cocoa-bo. I love my country as much as anyone, but we are eventually gonna have to admit that First Wind is piss.”

25 mins - GOAL! BRI 2-1 ARC. Totally against the run of play, the Chariots have a goal! A quick throw to Shahin, who sees an opening and shoots a pass quickly through the leftback and centre-half. Lazarou times and angles her run perfectly, and while she’s cutting well wide, she cuts back the ball before succumbing to the pressure of Close. Arguably a soft penalty, but there’s no need for a call as Ivana Tokich beats Soederquist in the foot-race and drives low past Bull.

26 mins - GOAL! SLA 1-1 CRU. Well, there you go. Vossler doesn’t overcomplicate things this time, just uses her pace to get past Novick before lashing a cross across the face of goal, with Carter managing to tip it home at full stretch.

27 mins - Cranequin are screaming for a penalty! But it would’ve been soft. Constantine Koellner does the classic big man trick, holding up the ball perfectly under pressure from Bajnok until he turns him and drives into the box and - oop! Suddenly the pressure’s too much and he falls.

28 mins - Oh, Xixi! One of those moments where you feel an inferior player might have laid on an assist, as Tarala was there. But Ens saw the tiny opening, dropped his shoulder and very nearly dribbled past Rauch, Sale, Lockheed and Stride. Well, he does - but there’s no time left for a shot with a narrowing angle, and he rattles his best effort into the side netting.

29 mins - GOAL! BEL 1-0 CRV. This was coming. Katsura, given too much time to place his shot from the edge of the box, scorches Feldman’s fingertips. Following in like a good forward, Sloan drives in the rebound.

30 mins - Things are a little less stultifying in Stahlburg all of a sudden! The Rovers have the ball in the net, Sebring rifling home from the edge of the area, but it came off the back of Talay fouling Rustu in the buildup as the makeshift leftback chased. It’s pretty open-and-shut. That doesn’t mean the home fans are at all happy.

31 mins - Treason get their first real open chance of the game! Lothaire Cromwell beats the dainty Celustka in the air - not hard - to head a goalkick from Tioux right back where it came from. Metzger sweeps ahead of Sigismund, looks up, before cutting back into the box. Cromwell’s kept sprinting. He and Tioux get there almost at the same time - the shot caroms off Tioux’s shoulder and loops over the bar!

32 mins - Lisa Amos is remonstrating extensively with the referee. The Moths are fairly blatantly rotating fouls on the Passerines, and nobody’s yet in the book. The referee brushes her aside.

33 mins - GOAL! CHR 1-0 COH. Raluca Garamond is a promising young goalkeeper, but this goal falls on her shoulders. Her pass to Koller, a slow and ponderous pass to a slow and ponderous player, immediately puts him under pressure from the spry Sabrina Patton, who harries him, seizes possession and sweeps the ball past Garamond.

34 mins - Things have been a bit quieter in Cranequin, which obviously suits the Wanderers perfectly. The Heelers are struggling to ask questions that Jerrell Drake’s disciplined defensive line can’t answer, and Matheny’s answered whenever called upon in goal.

35 mins - GOAL! TRE 1-0 SFA. After a long-running battle down the flank, as a counter-attack slows into the mud, Accardi gets the better of Lucas, darts down the inside track and cuts the ball back, missing Metzger and the centre-halves... but finding Idai Uster. The Banijan, still with bodies in the way and Tioux alert, sidefoots a low, firm shot into the bottom corner. The Stags are now on course to win the league, no matter what happens in Cranequin!

36 mins - I have done with the Dragonfruit Lobotomy. I begin now on the dubiously-titled Ultraviolet flavour. My cup runneth over.

37 mins - GOAL! BRI 3-1 ARC. This is in danger of becoming a rout. Inexperienced leftback Davor Roskilde turns away from the pressure of Tidesson and passes out to midfield. Straight to rue Cazade. You can see his face pale and expression curdle as rue Cazade briskly takes the ball in stride and twats it past Senninger from outside the box.

38 mins - Sabrefell Athletic nearly claw back an equaliser, but Clavel tips away a vicious strike from Celustka. Stride takes up the ball and shuttles it down the right, plays a one-two with Accardi and races clear past Lucas, whips in a cross, Metzger meets it… and heads it fractions over! Tioux looks uneasy. Tony Dalton bellows for calm. There wasn’t enough tracking back, there.

39 mins - GOAL! STA 1-1 SFM. After all the Moths’ good work in breaking down Starling’s buildup, this goal is all too easy. Asghar, on the overlap down the right, bears down on Muscadin before simply curling a pass outside around her. Roebling races onto the end of it, cuts back and Franz Kesteren, not picked up by his marker, toebashes the equaliser past Markgraf.

40 mins - GOAL! LEI 1-1 NRC. Something of a comedy of errors. Dassi Constantine’s run has already come to nothing, shepherded safely to nowhere by Sarah Foreman, but the less experienced Leichhardt centre-half Marchela Bauer overenthusiastically clears it. Somewhat shanking it. Into Jason Margush’s knee. The opportunistic striker makes the most of the chance, lunging at the rebound and just about knocking it past Adekoya as he flings himself desperately at it.

41 mins - An ‘Ephraim Diallo’ has got in touch. “Hello sir/madam, I am sorry to disturb you however I need your help. I am the rightful heir to the House of Katende, exiled outrageously and criminally and wrongfully. The only way I can claim my rightful tite of Kabaka is with YOUR HELP - please enter your financial details in the link below to support my claim! I promise you will be fully renumerated upon my accession to the throne!!” Well, he seems like an honest fellow.

42 mins - GOAL! STR 1-0 CHT. At least the Rovers have been running, trying things. They deserve this lead, clever interplay down the left wing leading to Nikica Taylor driving inside and clipping a ball down the middle of the sluggish Chatswood defence. Sliding in just ahead of Nova Williams is Karla Sebring, clattering into the goalkeeper but getting the ball past her regardless.

43 mins - As bad as the Rovers have been, they might actually track okay in the second tier next time around. Who of the squad would even leave? They have the nucleus of a rock-solid 1Div side, and were just unable to meaningfully add to it in the window, though Karla Sebring exceeded expectations on the right wing. Compare and contrast with Vermillion Wanderers; they have three clear stars in Malkorra, Saara and Kalevi, and if they go down, all three will surely be gone.

44 mins - Matheny saves Cranequin twice in the space of a minute! A sharp save parries away a dipping strike from Woakes, and Musgrave shepherds the ball to safety. But hold on a moment, the centre-half plays her way into trouble, pressured by Bowman and ultimately passing straight to the feet of Strassman, who wastes no time clipping in a beautiful diagonal cross to meet the boot of Germain at the far post, a little stretched but still requiring another reflex save from Matheny! This time Stoeva gets ahold of the ball and hoofs it into space.

45 mins - Hate to say it, but the Rams have looked flat since conceding. And now there’s some good old-fashioned Nepharim bickering, after Rouvas misreads Celustka’s intentions and overruns a pass to feet. Treason manager Cheney Bittencourt looks smug.

Injury time - Go-- wait a moment. Crisisbless have the ball in the net, a very tidy strike from Bowman that finally beats the invincible Matheny. Pity that he was played in by Germain, whose run beyond the defence was timed just ever so slightly too fast, wasting a beautiful throughball from Abylon. They still need two goals, then; one for themselves, one for the Rams.

HALF-TIME SCORES
Brinemouth 3-1 Aries Chariots
Stahlburg Rovers 1-0 Chatswood
Vermillion Wanderers 0-0 Chenoworth Harriers
Chenoworth Rovers 1-0 Coret Hawks
Belgrave 1-0 AFC Corvistone
Cranequin Wanderers 0-0 Crisisbless
South Laithland 1-1 Crisisbless United
Leichhardt 1-1 Newrook City
Vermillion Rage 0-1 North Laithland
AFC Treason 1-0 Sabrefell Athletic
Starling 1-1 Sabrefell Moths
Stahlburg City 1-0 Southfell United
As things stand..,
Treason will be champions for the ninth time.
Crisisbless, Starling and Brinemouth are in the Champions League.
AFC Corvistone, Sabrefell Athletic and Stahlburg City are in the Challengers Cup.
Cranequin Wanderers occupy the relegation playoff place.
Chenoworth Harriers, Vermillion Wanderers and Stahlburg Rovers will be relegated.

46 mins - Well, even having finished the Ultraviolet I’m not entirely sure what flavour that was meant to be. Red grape with lime? Oh, God, why is there a canned spider. A ‘soda float’, for you Cosumarites out there. With ‘vanilla cream and chartreuse melon’. And… a little artificially-preserved Maraschino cherry floating on the top… ?

47 mins - GOAL! STC 2-0 SFU. How do you think Stahlburg City score a goal? Tschauner cross. Phoenix header. Brandt makes a sad face.

48 mins - Chatswood have looked a little more alive since the break, not that it would be … really, possible, for them to look any worse than they did in the first half. The striker Christian Guilder has replaced Kolinda Bischoff in a move to 4-4-2.

49 mins - GOAL! BRI 4-1 ARC. Are Aries even trying? Davor Roskilde is not having a good game at leftback; this time, scared by Bryger Tidesson running at him, he takes the novel concept of passing it straight to… Bryger Tidesson. The Premiership’s record transfer has plenty left to do, but does the rest.

50 mins - The Rams have looked a bit better since the second half started. They haven’t managed anything so cavalier as an actual shot on target yet, true, but they’ve had two-thirds of the ball. And Oscar Coltrane’s taken his jacket off...

51 mins - GOAL! VRR 1-1 NLA. How to make people pay attention to a meaningless dead rubber between upper-midtable sides? Readjust to a deflected cross and score a diving header. Traudl Mrdja gets it.

52 mins - And elsewhere in Vermillion, there’s been a penalty! It’s no easy thing, marking a satyr, but when Kalevi swings in the cross, Carroll has her hands all over her… and, advertantly or not, slaps the ball away from her! Irsa Croxteth, the former Crisisbless midfielder, steps up...

53 mins - GOAL! VRW 1-0 CHH. … and drives home! Cameron goes the right way, but Croxteth finds the bottom corner! Hugely significant goal at the bottom of the table; Vermillion Wanderers are now set to overtake Cranequin into 21st!

54 mins - GOAL! STR 1-1 CHT. Guilder makes an immediate impact, if only for providing a second piece of tall timber in the box for Conleth to swing crosses at. He knocks it down, Henderson lunges out to tap home. Cranequin Wanderers are now being pressured from both ends of the table...

55 mins - GOAL! VRR 2-1 NLA. The Spiders overextend, too eager to make up for the deficit. Mrdja punishes them on the break.

56 mins - On comes Oscar Coltrane for Sabrefell Athletic. The Rams were elated when the 36-year old signed on for a one-year extension a couple months ago. They’ll need a younger replacement. On this evidence, for all her virtues, that isn’t Celustka.

57 mins - GOAL! STA 1-[/b]2 SFM.[/b] A cheap turnover in midfield from Roebling is quickly rifled down the wing, and Ysabet Belgrade shows why the young winger is so highly regarded by doing the rest herself, angling beautifully between two defenders and lofting her first touch over Smordal.

58 mins - News has reached Cranequin - the Wanderers are currently set for relegation, ahead of, well, the Wanderers. Jerrell Drake swaps in the tall timber Viere for Grahn.

59 mins - GOAL! BEL 2-0 CRV. Corvistone have looked dismal this game, just bereft of confidence. At the start, Belgrave started out the same, but built it up after the first to the point where Katsura, in space, just decides to lamp it. Wouldn’t you know it? Top corner.

60 mins - GOAL! BRI 5-1 ARC. Aries Chariots have also looked dismal all game. This one’s all Otalia Kasmiir; she dispossesses the unconvincing substitute Seamster, starts the attack down the left to Close, and a few passes later winds up coming into box at the perfect time to drive home a perfectly delayed pass from Deventer.

61 mins - Coltrane squirms free and goes for goal! The moment the fans see the ball leave his boot, rocketing vaguely towards the stanchion, they can close their eyes, awaiting only the rippling of the net… but instead it flies about a metre high and wide.

62 mins - GOAL! LEI 2-1 NRC. Another penalty. Clevinger’s a little overenthusiastic in trying to unbalance Stevenson; her shoulder-charge sends him tumbling. But it doesn’t damage the Hapilopper international’s moxie one bit, as the arrogant striker goes for the chip over Theoklitos and makes it.

63 mins - Cranequin should take the lead! A speculative ball isn’t dealt with by Teffeteller, Shona Butcher gets on the end of it, turns a little too abruptly and can only shoot straight into Na’Kefir. A letoff, and the Cranequin captain knows it.

64 mins - GOAL! SLA 2-1 CRU. Journey Pike nips in to head home Dionne’s cross at the near post. The Kelssek midfielder’s been running the show for the Southrons tonight, even from a more peripheral left wing position.

65 mins - I hate, a little, that the First Wind Melon Spider is actually delicious.

66 mins - GOALS! VRR 3-1 NLA; STC 3-0 SFU. Oh, Jesus, it never stops. Young striker Alois Chiliarch darts to the near post and angles home a deft header from Moyer’s cross; Justine Booker sets up Henry to score with her first touch of the game.

67 mins - Andrea Martyn from Chenoworth quietly looks forward to either Cranequin or Vermillion Wanderers going down, if not both. “I’m tired of there being two kinds of Wanderers, and both generally in the same kind of situations with the same long city name. They even both wear green. The Rovers don’t have this problem; you know if they’re shit, it’s Stahlburg, but if they’re good, it’s Chenoworth.” Easy now. Wasn’t so long ago it was the other way around.

68 mins - GOAL! BEL 3-0 CRV. A first senior goal for Etienne Berkut, crisply taken on the edge of the box. Corvistone have been genuinely atrocious, and with Starling losing to the Moths that could cost them fourth. I mean, it absolutely has cost them fourth, but if the Moths win, they had a chance.

69 mins - Crisisbless need a breakthrough, but look at their bench. This is the issue they’ve had all season; even a tired Quintero, Woakes or Bowman is better than any of their backups at 100%. So instead Farina Luhukay replaces Maia Abylon to try and get more energy down the centre.

70 mins - Take a moment to think about how Parrhesia, the most dominant side in 1Div history, is going to handle the Premiership. Do you just keep everyone? But a not insubstantial part of that team - think of Symond, or Reus - is comprised of guys in their 30s who didn’t look so hot at top-tier level last time around. And there is absolutely now a bracket of players too good for 1Div but insufficient for the Premier. Just look at Claudia Bohr at Vermillion Wanderers.

71 mins - GOAL! STR 1-2 CHT. Stahlburg Rovers haven’t been able to hang with Chatswood since the break, and the Axes mirroring their 4-4-2, probably because every Chatswood player is better than every Rovers player. Prentice seizes on a cheap turnover, plays a clever one-two with the obliging Rustu and fires low across Gilzean, hitting the inside of the upright on the way in.

72 mins - The Harriers are on track to go down unless they can do… something, against Vermillion Wanderers. But Snowy Brennan’s triple substitution just reeks of desperation. Girardi and Stensholt looks like a lightweight central midfield, and is it really worth it just to bring on Sven Ascalon in tandem with Wright?

73 mins - Thisbe Rouvas squirms free and pops off a shot for the Rams, at an optimistic distance, flying well wide. Clavel produces an all-time great sarcastic dive for it.

74 mins - GOAL! BRI 6-1 ARC. Danielle Jackson finally gets on the scoresheet. Fasolt Senninger just wants to go home at this point.

75 mins - Talking shit about Ascalon may have been a mistake. He takes a long ball from Stensholt in stride, lets it bounce once and leathers a ferocious half-volley at goal. Randwick flies towards the top corner to tip it over.

76 mins - GOAL! CRW 1-0 CRI. The game you’ve all been waiting for, the incident you’ve all been waiting for! Hasret Kaveci does her old employers, Treason, a favour, intercepting a pass from Strassman by sliding in and hooking the ball cleverly past her. Riaz reacts fast. Her injury feels a long way away. She bears down on Bajnok, subtly shows him one way, before playing Kaveci through down the right, who with her first touch cuts back to find the substitute Nissa Viere sprinting into the box, the satyr chests it down and with Na’Kefir incoming goes for pure power-- the shot slams into the underside of the crossbar and bounces down, just inside! Na’Kefir sprawls onto it and punches it away, Teffeteller clears it but the referee’s watch has beeped, or whatever the hell cue it makes!

77 mins - News travels fast. The Treason fans love this news. If this holds, even conceding to the Rams - who have been lively but rarely incisive in the second half - gives them a buffer, and even with defeat they’d be safe unless the Heelers can pull one back. Cranequin Wanderers have no intention of opening up. Off goes Riaz, at last, for the brutish Audioslavian Kravec.

78 mins - GOAL! LEI 3-1 NRC. Charis Theoklitos has not had a convincing game between the posts. Iarrow can probably rest easier after he flaps at Meier’s cross; Gloria Kewell adjusts slightly, getting down on one knee to inelegantly angle a header home.

79 mins - Another fantastic save by Konrad Matheny to deny Crisisbless once again! Quintero switches the play by abruptly whipping a cross over to the left flank, Close takes it on the chest and drives into the box and fires hard at goal. Matheny scrambles to claw it away, sees Germain steaming in and recovers miraculously to throw himself at the follow-up shot. Germain can hardly believe it’s not in the net.

80 mins - Final First Wind of the night. It’s red. Oddly thick. Seems to glow in the dark. Flavour… Cinnamon Chilli Cataclysm?? Why are my hands vibrating?

81 mins - GOAL! VRW 2-0 CHH. Irsa Croxteth is an underrated player, and if she’d been playing for the Wanderers from the start, week-in-week-out, with proper support in midfield, they’d have stayed up. Here, it’s just a single, almost diffident sweep of the boot to find Malkorra when the rest of the Harriers had overcommitted towards Kalevi. The Astograth international raises a boot almost in salute to trap the pass, before taking two great strides towards goal, arguably losing the element of surprise but it’s irrelevant as he hammers past Cameron’s near post. Vermillion Wanderers almost certainly take the points here… but they need two goals somewhere. Either two for Crisisbless, or one for Crisisbless and one more for themselves to beat Cranequin to 21st on goals scored, the strongest of tiebreakers.

82 mins - Lothaire Cromwell has been everywhere today for Treason. Just as Orsolya Gere shapes to shoot on the edge of the box, having given the Rams much-needed bite down the left with her introduction, Cromwell steams in from nowhere to just subtly nudge her off-balance with a shoulder and nip the ball away from her feet, charging back upfield down the right flank.

83 mins - The camera is panning across the faces of the Crisisbless fans. They look shellshocked, like they can’t believe it’s coming to this. My eyeballs are jittering in their sockets, and I’m starting to hear voices. Elaine Foray’s just come on for the Wanderers to replace Islinger.

84 mins - Chenoworth Harriers almost pull one back, but the lack of confidence shows. Ascalon lays off to Rivers, who reluctantly lays it off back. Ascalon passes back to Girardi, who gets smashed to the turf by Corren. Okay, they get a free kick, but either Ascalon or Rivers should have had a shot from a good position. Instead, they passed off responsibility until the chance was gone. The free kick thuds into the wall and gets thumped clear by Bohr.

85 mins - GOAL! STA 1-[/b]3 SFM.[/b] Over the past few games, the Moths have given a taster as to what they might produce under Adalheid Metzelder. Fast, thrilling, incisive and decisive in the key moments, all three midfielders crowding the normally composed Alexandra Price into an error before sending it left, for Muscadin to send it right, for Belgrade to stutter-step inside of Asghar and rifle home her second of the match.

86 mins - GOAL! STC 4-0 SFU. The Tanners haven’t really been 4-0 bad, as it were, but the Smiths have absolutely been 4-0 good. A perfect, clinical, absorbing contest. That has, specifically, absorbed 8.3r% of my attention. Promise. This isn’t just stalling for time because I missed the goal, though I can definitely say that Aurelie Henry appears central to the celebrations.

87 mins - Gere gets hammered by Stride. A vicious, cynical tackle, but all the Stags will care about is that it takes up time. Stride gets booked; she laughs it off. Gere shoves her in the chest but is pulled away quickly by Coltrane, who knows it’s just taking more time. God, my sinuses are unbelievably clear right now. And a Billy Whipwood's just mailed in from Farrenton: "Nick Feeney is a fraud! Couldn't keep a good Blackfields side in the Gold League, he's not going to take the Hawks anywhere fast either. From a long suffering Shepherds fan!"

88 mins - GOAL! LEI 4-1 NRC. A piledriver from Helena Loxton is the icing on the cake for the Leichhardt captain on her final day at the club. Quietly, the Stargazers have had a very good season.

89 mins - GOAL! VRR 3-2 NLA. North Laithland distract from things that actually matter, Arnesa Darroze tapping home a consolation at the far post after a well-worked buildup.

90 mins - Kravec gets outmuscled for possession by Luhukay, who hacks the ball forward to Bowman. A world-class winger, bearing down on goal. Running so, so far out of time. “TWAT IT!” bellows someone from the stands. He does. Matheny leaps and makes a routine save. Bowman’s head is in his hands. Fuck it, I can mainline another First Wind. Rockmelon Ennui? How the fuck do you make ennui a flavour? Will this make me understand Crisisbless’ plight? There’s just injury time to go and Treason, their teeth around Athletic’s scruff, show no sign of letting go...

Injury time - All across the country, final whistles blow. In Brinemouth, there’s no injury time at all. The only injury has been to the Chariots’ pride. They slump to the ground. Brinemouth have protected their Champions League place. So have Starling, by doing nothing at all, because the Crows were simply wretched against Belgrave. In Stahlburg, City are in the Challengers Cup and the Rovers are down, but have helped Chatswood to safety. In Cranequin, Elaine Foray can only laugh. They’ve pulled out one of the most memorable results in their history and it doesn’t matter. It matters to Crisisbless, though. In Treason, the Rams have one final speculative effort from Reece Lucas, the leftback burning past Fairfax on fumes and desperation and going for it! And the ball keeps going… and rising…

… and with that, the final whistle blows at last. Vermillion Wanderers and Chenoworth Harriers stare at each other in disbelief. The year wasn’t meant to end like this, but they both go down despite being alive at kickoff. Cranequin Wanderers face the playoff. But fuck them. They’re losers, and bad at football. This was the season of Treason, as the venerable Markus Rensenbrink hands out the rings, as Va’Afaja lifts the trophy. They often stumbled. Occasionally teetered. But almost always, when you looked to the pinnacle, they were there, hell or high water. This is a truly deserved title; number nine, extending the record.

It will not take long for them to start whispering of ten.

MATCHDAY 46
Brinemouth 6-1 Aries Chariots
Stahlburg Rovers 1-2 Chatswood
Vermillion Wanderers 2-0 Chenoworth Harriers
Chenoworth Rovers 1-0 Coret Hawks
Belgrave 3-0 AFC Corvistone
Cranequin Wanderers 1-0 Crisisbless
South Laithland 2-1 Crisisbless United
Leichhardt 4-1 Newrook City
Vermillion Rage 3-2 North Laithland
AFC Treason 1-0 Sabrefell Athletic
Starling 1-3 Sabrefell Moths
Stahlburg City 4-0 Southfell United

PRO/REL PLAYOFFS
2DIV Brokenarch vs. 3DIV Crossroads Town
Stubborn and muscular, Brokenarch prove determined opposition for Crossroads, and the first half mostly just bleeds out into attrition. Goalkeeper Onef Haessler proves hard to shift for Town, but ultimately, clever interplay lets in Ismael Volga to tap home the game’s only goal just before the hour mark. The Golems need to shift gears, but never quite manage it, going from cautious, disciplined counterattacks to sluggish possession. Town, a First Division side in recent memory, are one step closer to returning.

1DIV Cranequin City vs. 2DIV Ballardine
At the start of this season, if you’d asked someone who they expected to come 4th and who 21st, they’d have picked Cranequin City for promotion to the Premiership and Ballardine for relegation to 3Div without hesitation. That best exemplifies the degree to which the plucky Harpers are underdogs today. Unfortunately, they play like it. Cranequin City throw off the shackles, emboldened by desperation, and their superior skill and cunning adds teeth to a composed defensive effort. Wheaton lashes home a free kick before setting up Hakan Gryspos on a late counter, the veteran striker striding past the exhausted, overextended Harpers defence to drag home the clincher.

PREMIER Cranequin Wanderers vs. 1DIV Iron City
Another defender from Cranequin… this time with a rather more fancied opponent. For all that, the game is nowhere near closer. People expect a cagey, tactical affair between two well-marshalled sides, and they’re disappointed by a game that is far, far better than that. Unless you’re an Iron fan. The Wanderers throw off the shackles and overwhelm Iron with a more sophisticated plan of attack than anything in 1Div, peerless calm on the ball, and Gisella Riaz having the game of her life, freed from her injury cloud and scoring three on the night. It ends 6-1, a coolly converted penalty from Butcher finishing the rout. Iron’s wait goes on.

NFA CUP FINAL
It was always going to end like this. Tempers rose, red mist fell, and Nephara’s best referee, Martel Streiber, had in a manner of speaking the game of his life.

Leaving the fifteen yellow cards, the surprisingly only red and the two separate bench-clearing brawls aside, it was a fairly dull match between sides who wanted the other to lose more than they actually wanted to win themselves. The first half-hour made it clear the game needed a goal, an excuse for the Smiths to break ranks and surge forward, and despite a few dangerous crosses that nearly found Fletcher, some tentative efforts from distance that Xander Rosmarin proved more than equal to, it didn’t look like it would arrive until it did. But it was a clever, promising bit of play from Cromwell that made it happen, beating Brujah in the air (and dragging him a little by the throat in the process) and flicking the loose, looping ball over down the right with an indifferent sweep of his boot. Accardi and Stride both broke, the rightback nipping inside and tapping the ball along past Markkannen to release Accardi, the Eastfielder winger cutting inside herself, nimbly easing away from the sluggish Cooke, and driving the opener low past Rosmarin.

Stahlburg needed to change, and a statement of intent came nice and early in the second half when Brujah got one back on Cromwell. A thuggish leg-snapper bent Cromwell’s shin a direction that God did not intend it to go; Brujah was sent off immediately, Cromwell stretchered off, and in the immediate brawl to follow, well… it was a proper punch-up, not the handbags you see abroad. Tiny Rostock was practically sent flying by a stiff punch from McInnes in the impromptu bantamweight title; the Schottic winger may never need to buy a drink in Treason again. Even so, Treason looked the more unsettled by the turn of events, and Douglas Tibet reacted boldly, bringing on his best striker Phoenix in response for the burly time-waster Shi. The move was rewarded; when a ragged Stags attack broke down, the Smiths broke away, Lane and Phoenix racing clear. Clavel was stranded, without a winning option in sight; he had to go for someone, charged at Lane at the last moment only for the Osarian winger to dink the ball over him to the waiting, grinning Phoenix.

The next thirty minutes became an hour, pretty much all of which was the Stags banging on the Smiths’ door. Xander Rosmarin was heroic between the posts, and may soon be challenging Prant-Telew for the league posting. He’d have his chance, in the end, to be a truly undisputed hero… but so would Clavel. And here, the Smiths’ exhaustion showed, and began to tell. Phoenix, battered and bruised, had the first penalty of the night… and scuffed it horribly wide. Jonsson, on for Cromwell and playing like a man possessed, made no mistake, and from there the Smiths were always in the hole and chasing, though Henry’s goal cancelled out Metzger’s miss. Neuwirth’s tentative penalty was beaten away by Clavel, Uster’s stuck away with confidence despite a poor cameo on the field, Orsay rewarded by going for power, Accardi slamming hers against the post… 2-2, but you just knew as Catheline Voegel stepped up. She didn’t look right, and upon replays, her ankle very subtly wrenched in the turf as she took a low, slow penalty that Clavel, sinking the wrong way, actually had time to readjust to and claw off the line. Va’Afaja, the captain, took the Stags’ last. He was smiling as he set the ball down. The result was inevitable; Treason have secured the double, the first team in fourteen years to accomplish the feat, just the fourth overall, and Treason the first club to do it twice. But Stahlburg City’s players got a hero’s welcome; oh, they’ll be back, alright. They still remember the glory years.

CdC FINAL
In the regionals, just as Treason have their Cup to contest, Crisisbless have worked their way to the final. They’ve been oddly unflashy this season, but composed, professional. So coming up against the Pasargan Hellinic Rouge...

… Nah. On second thought, you probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

by **Nephara** » Sat Jul 11, 2020 1:57 am

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason               46  27  14   5   85  35  +50  95
  2 Crisisbless               46  29   5  12   72  37  +35  92
  3 Brinemouth                46  25  10  11  102  64  +38  85
  4 Starling                  46  24  13   9   78  54  +24  85
  5 AFC Corvistone            46  23  13  10   74  51  +23  82
  6 Sabrefell Athletic        46  21  16   9   90  59  +31  79
  7 Stahlburg City            46  20  12  14   52  34  +18  72
  8 Sabrefell Moths           46  18  17  11   85  55  +30  71
  9 Southfell United          46  19  11  16   72  62  +10  68
 10 Vermillion Rage           46  19   9  18   73  71   +2  66
 11 South Laithland           46  18  11  17   62  59   +3  65
 12 North Laithland           46  15  17  14   60  59   +1  62
 13 Leichhardt                46  17  10  19   53  60   -7  61
 14 Crisisbless United        46  17   8  21   62  73  -11  59
 15 Newrook City              46  16  11  19   54  66  -12  59
 16 Coret Hawks               46  13  18  15   69  64   +5  57
 17 Aries Chariots            46  15  12  19   53  64  -11  57
 18 Chenoworth Rovers         46  15  10  21   53  70  -17  55
 19 Belgrave                  46  13  10  23   49  81  -32  49
 20 Chatswood                 46  12   9  25   36  69  -33  45
 21 Cranequin Wanderers       46  10  12  24   31  56  -25  42
 22 Vermillion Wanderers      46   9  13  24   50  77  -27  40
 23 Chenoworth Harriers       46  10   9  27   44  82  -38  39
 24 Stahlburg Rovers          46   8   8  30   37  94  -57  32

TOP SCORERS
28 - Turner (SFM)
27 - Êns (SFA)
25 - rue Cazade (BRI), Metzger (TRE)
23 - Dostalok (STA)
22 - Basilisk (COH), Germain (CRI), Uster (TRE), Warrington (CVS)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Cathal Turner (SFM)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Damion Bowman (CRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Latona Basilisk (COH)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Farago rue Cazade (BRI)
Team of the Year: Smørdal (STA); Stride (TRE), Lockheed (TRE), Orsay (STC), Almwood (CVS); Tidesson (BRI), Kymeri (STA), Woakes (CRI), Bowman (CRI); rue Cazade (BRI), Êns (SFA)
Bench: Clavel (TRE); Rostock (STC), Bajnok (CRI), Roebling (STA), Kasmiir (BRI), Isusi (SFA), Turner (SFM)
Manager of the Year: Tim Maitfield (CRU)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Parrhesia United           46  41   2   3  117   35  +82  125
  2 Creed United               46  31   7   8  101   46  +55  100
  3 Brookford Otters           46  25   9  12   66   41  +25   84
  4 Iron City                  46  22  13  11   58   37  +21   79
  5 Corvette Maulers           46  23   8  15   68   56  +12   77
  6 Goodfeather FC             46  22   7  17   78   61  +17   73
  7 Diamondqueen               46  18  16  12   74   52  +22   70
  8 Raven River                46  19  12  15   90   63  +27   69
  9 Cypher Town                46  21   6  19   65   52  +13   69
 10 Armstrong                  46  19  12  15   46   47   -1   69
 11 North Sabrefell            46  19  11  16   76   63  +13   68
 12 Chardonnay Rangers         46  18  14  14   67   66   +1   68
 13 AFC Serpentine             46  19   7  20   61   59   +2   64
 14 Barossia United            46  12  20  14   55   52   +3   56
 15 Mantlegrove                46  14  10  22   48   61  -13   52
 16 AFC Rochford               46  12  16  18   42   63  -21   52
 17 Bishop                     46  14   8  24   45   76  -31   50
 18 Crisisbless Athletic       46  12  14  20   50   82  -32   50
 19 The Strongest              46  12  11  23   61  102  -41   47
 20 Corinthians No Longer      46  11  13  22   59   78  -19   46
 21 Cranequin City             46  10  15  21   35   58  -23   45
 22 Pillars of Southfell       46   9  13  24   42   70  -28   40
 23 Gonen's Bridge             46   8  16  22   58   97  -39   40
 24 Dartmouth Terriers         46   7   8  31   36   81  -45   29

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Ruby Gjasula (RVR) - 30
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Ilia Mueller (PAR)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Exene Fletcher (BRO)
Team of the Year: Briggs (CRU); Bowman (IRC), Ystrad (PAR), Baste (CRU), Cicak (BRO); Fohler (PAR), Fletcher (BRO), Mueller (PAR), Remsza (IRC); Donau (CRU), Gjasula (RVR)
Manager of the Year: Emeka Obasi (PAR)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Morningstar            46  30   8   8  81  36  +45  98
  2 Peregrine              46  25   8  13  84  55  +29  83
  3 Alliance Barossia      46  22  13  11  54  35  +19  79
  4 Ballardine FC          46  22  12  12  57  45  +12  78
  5 Aries Solitaire        46  22  11  13  68  46  +22  77
  6 Greygate               46  21  13  12  64  39  +25  76
  7 Riverkey               46  19  13  14  56  47   +9  70
  8 Locksley               46  19  12  15  76  59  +17  69
  9 Autumnstone            46  19  11  16  58  57   +1  68
 10 Hackett                46  19   9  18  55  50   +5  66
 11 West Brinemouth        46  16  18  12  42  41   +1  66
 12 Ritter Town            46  18  11  17  59  57   +2  65
 13 Sheridan               46  19   8  19  37  40   -3  65
 14 Stonegrave             46  17  13  16  46  52   -6  64
 15 The Hanged Man         46  17   8  21  42  42   +0  59
 16 Boltcroft Thorns       46  16  10  20  59  64   -5  58
 17 Extreme Hills          46  15  13  18  63  71   -8  58
 18 Falston United         46  14  14  18  51  46   +5  56
 19 AFC Shale              46  15   9  22  36  48  -12  54
 20 Gosmouth Swans         46  14  12  20  53  71  -18  54
 21 Brokenarch             46  12  10  24  42  75  -33  46
 22 Mapleford              46  10  10  26  46  79  -33  40
 23 Coret Rovers           46  11   6  29  42  77  -35  39
 24 Rochford Pilgrims      46  10   8  28  48  87  -39  38

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Roxanna Strong (MOS) - 29
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Yolanda Sparrow (ARS)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Szalai Fowler (ABA)
Team of the Year: Lindt (ARS); Rashad (ABA), Hertzka (MOS), Cooke (SHR), Montagne (PER); Chaseling (MOS), Gillard (RVK), Sparrow (ARS), Starmer (GRG); Heaton (LCK), Strong (MOS)
Manager of the Year: Lyn Havelock (BAL)

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lazuli Diamonds              46  28  11   7  119  53  +66  95
  2 Kommissar                    46  26  11   9   86  38  +48  89
  3 Lockheed Zenith              46  24   8  14   79  54  +25  80
  4 Crossroads Town              46  25   5  16   76  63  +13  80
  5 Ingram Township              46  22  12  12   56  34  +22  78
  6 Kensey Town                  46  21  10  15   81  67  +14  73
  7 New Oakstone Phoenix         46  21   9  16   67  55  +12  72
  8 Southriver                   46  21   9  16   68  57  +11  72
  9 Brindleton                   46  18  16  12   63  48  +15  70
 10 East Laithland Harriers      46  21   6  19   86  70  +16  69
 11 Strephonage                  46  19  12  15   50  40  +10  69
 12 Cranequin Souths             46  20   7  19   67  62   +5  67
 13 Martella Jazz                46  19   9  18   72  65   +7  66
 14 Constance Park               46  14  19  13   56  59   -3  61
 15 Hartford Glade               46  15  14  17   56  64   -8  59
 16 Caldwick Strand              46  16  10  20   53  70  -17  58
 17 West Hook                    46  15  12  19   43  61  -18  57
 18 Crownsend Journey            46  15  10  21   54  74  -20  55
 19 Downsparrow                  46  12  18  16   49  60  -11  54
 20 Riverkey Shells              46  15   8  23   48  75  -27  53
 21 Iron United                  46  12  15  19   52  74  -22  51
 22 South Parrhesia              46  10  10  26   50  92  -42  40
 23 Ox River United              46   6  12  28   29  74  -45  30
 24 FC Seierstad                 46   7   7  32   41  92  -51  28

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sirencall FC            38  22   7   9  70  41  +29  73
  2 Iberia Chenoworth       38  21   9   8  75  39  +36  72
  3 Harrington              38  18  10  10  55  44  +11  64
  4 Lindmark Falcons        38  17  11  10  66  51  +15  62
  5 Besand's Folly          38  18   8  12  58  46  +12  62
  6 Rushe United            38  17   8  13  61  55   +6  59
  7 Lindwurm Delta          38  18   4  16  60  49  +11  58
  8 Fischer                 38  16   8  14  71  59  +12  56
  9 Sutcroft Athletic       38  15  11  12  53  49   +4  56
 10 Ringway                 38  15  11  12  51  47   +4  56
 11 Sutcroft                38  15  10  13  55  47   +8  55
 12 Grovebank               38  15  10  13  47  40   +7  55
 13 Chenoworth Teutons      38  15  10  13  37  42   -5  55
 14 AFC Hellerine           38  12  10  16  56  72  -16  46
 15 Courser                 38  12   8  18  44  58  -14  44
 16 Moxstone Fortune        38   9  10  19  37  61  -24  37
 17 Boleyn Town             38   9  10  19  37  61  -24  37
 18 AFC Feuerweiss          38   9   9  20  52  74  -22  36
 19 Fenland Albion          38   8  11  19  34  47  -13  35
 20 Stonesthrow Town        38   6  11  21  37  74  -37  29
Promoted: Creed Rosebud, Aspen Grove

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rookwall                  38  22   7   9  58  32  +26  73
  2 Fully Sick XI             38  21   9   8  73  42  +31  72
  3 Northside Eagles          38  21   6  11  85  47  +38  69
  4 Brunyard FC               38  19  10   9  73  52  +21  67
  5 Bodkin Road               38  19   7  12  50  37  +13  64
  6 Twelvetrees               38  16  13   9  50  34  +16  61
  7 AFC Southsands            38  18   7  13  52  48   +4  61
  8 Brookford Vantablack      38  17   9  12  71  66   +5  60
  9 Long Lake                 38  15  12  11  43  34   +9  57
 10 Corvistone City           38  15   8  15  50  40  +10  53
 11 The Travellers FC         38  14   9  15  59  58   +1  51
 12 Longwinter                38  13   8  17  48  59  -11  47
 13 Latin Enclave FC          38  12  10  16  56  67  -11  46
 14 Aries Tigers              38  12   9  17  63  71   -8  45
 15 Barhara Cavaliers         38  13   6  19  55  72  -17  45
 16 Shimmering Quay           38  12   7  19  52  66  -14  43
 17 AFC Burchess              38  10  13  15  38  52  -14  43
 18 AFC Volksgarten           38  12   7  19  41  60  -19  43
 19 Gridlock                  38   5  12  21  20  51  -31  27
 20 Markoni                   38   5   9  24  32  81  -49  24
Promoted: Advance Lazuli, Rosary Brinemouth

by **Nephara** » Wed Aug 19, 2020 4:23 pm

Season 77 Preview

by **Nephara** » Thu Aug 20, 2020 5:14 pm

by **Nephara** » Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:33 pm

by **Nephara** » Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:35 pm

First Division Preview

by **Nephara** » Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:36 pm

Second Division

1. Gonen's Bridge
Colours White and red
Nickname the Warriors
Manager Snowy Brennan (50)
Key Players November Reiner (GK, 25), Gareth Unworth (RB, 30), Ramaz Korve (CB, 35, SRS), Soren Clement (CB, 24), Malura Seitz (LB, 22), Toni Dresden (RM, 32), Matt Joanson (CM, 34), Lucia Strickland (CM, 28), Olenna Salthouse (LM, 33), Matze Connell (LM, 25), Kosta Kolar (ST, 30), Roanna Murin (ST, 22)
Summary The bottom fell out last season, but there's plenty of quality still in the side. Kolar and Murin are instantly the most dangerous strike partners in the league, while seasoned campaigners like Unworth, Korve and Joanson will ace the division.

2. Greygate
Colours Grey and red
Nickname the Wardens
Manager Goran Verbeck (48)
Key Players Erin Naylor (GK, 31), Andrey Mincham (CB, 30), Faye Ruprecht (LB, 24), Merric Cooper (RM, 24), Gareth Temple (CM, 32), Jadzia Starmer (LM, 25), Klaus Petriak (ST, 33), Brandon Mkrtchyan (ST, 21, ISK)
Summary Greygate's terminal underachievement goes on. They needed goals, didn't get them. Fortunately, they looked tight at the back and should continue to do so. Mincham and Temple provide an impenetrable spine, and the unpronounceable Mkrtchyan could be a good 1Div player.

3. Locksley
Colours Burgundy and white
Nickname the Brewers
Manager Ulrich Esperance (47)
Key Players Jade Chorus (GK, 27), Anyta Parkes (RB, 28), Stavroula Portokalos (CB, 34), Alexis Tymon (CB, 25), Natasa Rotival (LB, 31), Jasmine Colindon (CM, 34), Reno Stubbs (CM, 25), Lukas Fernwood (LM, 34), Carver Heaton (ST, 29), Petra Rubesch (ST, 23)
Summary Locksley deserve credit; they've very aggressively pursued a policy of rebuilding, and are the most active side in the window at this level trying to build towards a promotion push again. The work isn't done yet, but one can see the end in sight. Last season, an insanely awful start was salvaged by new man Ulrich Esperance; the man is already beloved here, and a proven 2Div campaigner.

4. Aries Solitaire
Colours White and black
Nickname Solitaire
Manager Katrina Wheelhouse (47)
Key Players Franzi Brill (RB, 29), Amelia Breukelen (CB, 33, IRN), Karl Prowse (RM, 23), Sofia Tatra (CM, 32), Marcin Faehrmann (LM, 32), Kunigunde Almerich (ST, 34), Claire Mordhau (ST, 24)
Summary Choked at the death. Is it something about the mentality? Something of vertigo? Outrageously seasoned campaigners Faehrmann and Almerich should, on paper, rise above the nerves, and elevate an otherwise young, vibrant side.

5. Dartmouth Terriers
Colours Sky and navy
Nickname the Terriers
Manager Rainer Hildebrandt (51)
Key Players Stefan Heidenreich (GK, 32), Florian Latrobe (RB, 26), Tomas Ruthven (CB, 34), Dominik Ciernik (CB, 30, NOV), Ruth Paraffin (LB, 25), Coretta Mauk (RM, 28), Fiona Shrewsbury (CM, 32), Jakob Forsyth (CM, 30), Sasha Pfaelzisch (CM, 21), Keshet Brenner (LM, 23), Gabriel Prosper (ST, 32)
Summary Relegation was not unlikely, but Dartmouth were genuinely abysmal. Fortunately, this meant there was little interest in their players, and the side look well-equipped for this level.

6. Pillars of Southfell
Colours Purple and black
Nickname the Seekers
Manager Kay Meriweather (47)
Key Players Mariam Brookhouse (GK, 32), Marcela Harnik (RB, 24), Everard Muslin (CB, 34), Libena Freischutz (LB, 23), Meghan Alsatian (DM, 33), Van Aspenwood (RW, 22), Ulrica Rannon (AM, 33), Amine Raihani (LW, 32, BBS), Cohen Alexander (ST, 33)
Summary DIdn't put up the best fight last season, and are in transition and under new management. However, Ulrica Rannon should pummel the league this season, and the defence will remain strong. Moderate expectations, but they won't collapse.

7. Riverkey
Colours White and purple
Nickname the Seagulls
Manager Janus Gligor (49)
Key Players Ruth Jesper (RB, 31), Terelius Giovinazzo (CB, 34, AUD), Gregor Strober (CB, 24), Alexis Rudkine (LB, 32), Sven Gillard (CM, 23), Lowen Barr (LM, 31), Cornelian Stryger (ST, 29), Radja Martelbach (ST, 28)
Summary A pretty decent season on the whole, and surprisingly they've kept some of their bright youngbloods. Gillard will be expected to run the show, but he's more a box-to-box figure; there's a lack of creativity.

8. Hackett
Colours Red and white
Nickname the Merry Boys
Manager Yorick Lee (49)
Key Players Darroll Kewell (GK, 34, EFL), Nicola Wrexham (RB, 32), Wanya Belsky (CB, 33, AUD), Roderick Munoz (CB, 32, ETN), Connor Wettin (LB, 27), Arran Grey (CM, 31), Viktor Key (CM, 30), Mia Gruether (RW, 23), Patricia Etheridge (ST, 34), Marnus Sutton (ST, 24), Drusilla Moxey (LW, 33)
Summary Dust off the cobwebs and you're left with a strong team. Last season was derailed by a season-ending injury to marquee winger Moxey, though this did lead to the emergence and subsequent liquidation of Felix Luthier. This is their last shot before serious transition must result.

9. West Brinemouth
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Gulls
Manager Marko Gaston (48)
Key Players Ingrid Moore (GK, 25), Arminia Margate (RB, 24), Tomas Castanon (CB, 32, AUD), Niadra Anneaux (CB, 26, CMT), Denisa Wilhelm (LB, 24), Adelard Chambers (CM, 33), Laegjarn Martyn (CM, 32), Diana Lake (AM, 34), Ferran Guegan (ST, 30, AUD), Haroun Maynard (ST, 30)
Summary The less said about last season the better. On paper, the Gulls simply must do better. What can Haroun Maynard achieve now that he isn't shackled to the sinking (now sunken) ship of Coret Rovers?

10. Ritter Town
Colours White and orange
Nickname the Stallions
Manager Pernille Raphael (49)
Key Players Jasper Kirkland (GK, 32), Harald Reuser (RB, 34), Rickard Berardi (RB, 22), Odo Vorstead (CB, 25), Lesedi Maina (LB, 30, FPT), Augustine Yew (RM, 32), Garrett Fairbank (CM, 27), Gabriel Haines (LM, 32), Tania Brummer (ST, 23)
Summary A pretty awful season; the Stallions spent most of it brushing against the drop, if never quite falling through the trapdoor. But Raphael saved her job by coaxing a scarcely conceivable seven wins from the last nine games. Neither is reflective of their true level.

11. Ballardine FC
Colours Purple and white
Nickname the Harpers
Manager Lyn Havelock (53)
Key Players Dion Pearce (RB, 24), Gabriel Bragg (CB, 26), Matthias Vasquez (RW, 28), Tigran Montague (AM, 28, ISK), Melita Briskey (LW, 22), Melody Forster (ST, 29)
Summary The Cinderella story of last season. Tipped to seriously battle relegation. And they were involved in a relegation playoff... trying to unseat 1Div's Cranequin City. Alas, they lost 2-0, but it was still an utterly fantastic season for a paper-thin, mediocre-on-paper side. Can they repeat it? Probably not.

12. Autumnstone
Colours Red and yellow
Nickname the Archers
Manager Kurtis Mallory (56)
Key Players Georgia Hoffman (GK, 25), Amelia Canady (RB, 34), Barst Huebner (CB, 31), Andrea Mavrias (CB, 23), Matt Hephernan (RM, 32), Jill Sunderland (CM, 23), Evander Trueman (ST, 25)
Summary After Tess Pell's Indian summer, Autumnstone are now an established top-half side. Now the work is to maintain that standard, which a young and exciting side looks well-placed to achieve.

13. Falston United
Colours White and black
Nickname the Eels
Manager Alaric Jansen (49)
Key Players Rasmus Garrick (GK, 27, CYI), Robyn Cormack (CB, 26), Casper Slate (LB, 25), Raphael Passlach (CM, 32), Kat Mundine (CM, 22, CYI), Cedric Willas (ST, 25), Garrett Stijnen (LW, 30)
Summary Bizarrely, Falston finished 18th with a positive goal difference. In all honesty, they were never in relegation danger and the season was adequate. Kat Mundine is the latest high-profile CSL acquisition, while Stijnen adds craft from a higher level.

14. Sheridan
Colours Green and orange
Nickname Sherries
Manager Henna Morgan (43)
Key Players Marget Veld (GK, 25), Sigurd Cooke (CB, 22), Leon Rinehart (RM, 33), Gerwyn Clarke (CM, 34), Matthew Rawson (CM, 30), Aris Daskalakis (ST, 32)
Summary Despite being totally incapable of scoring goals - Daskalakis has never been prolific, and ploughs a thankless lone furrow - Sherries are Back(TM).

15. The Hanged Man
Colours Red and black
Nickname THM
Manager Warren Orwell (62)
Key Players Onef Haessler (GK, 26), Marcel Evans (RB, 32), Mia Geoghan (CB, 33), Ranulf Gatcan (CB, 32), Lithe Bronwyne (LB, 33), Alex Levine (LB, 23), Merope Spyropoulos (DM, 25), Nikola Stavros (RM, 24), Fotoula Madonis (CM, 34), Robyn Parker (LM, 24), Jonas Busch (ST, 34), Kitti Menander (ST, 23)
Summary THM recovered after a poor start, and even made the Cup semifinals against all odds. The profile of the squad gets younger, but Warren Orwell's managerial nous only ages like a fine Chardonnay.

16. Stonegrave
Colours Sky and black
Nickname the Diggers
Manager Alysia Garrett (56)
Key Players Pamela Flush (GK, 26), Caleb Fisher (RB, 24), Maximian Trent (CB, 34), Osman Lambert (CB, 25), Verdigris Kennet (LB, 33), Ira Dovaston (DM, 30), Celeste Colton (CM, 34), Micah Horner (CM, 31), Erika Stenlein (CM, 21), Stefan Curtiz (LM, 22), Chloe Lehrer (ST, 32)
Summary Resolutely midtable all season, but an aging outfit has started to let the green shoots rise through. Poacher Chloe Lehrer scores too many of their goals, and if she slows, the Diggers could be in trouble. But they probably won't.

17. Boltcroft Thorns
Colours Green and black
Nickname the Thorns
Manager Miron Campbell (53)
Key Players Morgana Carlisle (GK, 25), Belaskita Skalak (RB, 33), Anders Haskell (LM, 27), Jakob Spinnett (ST, 33), Sigrid Blaxland (ST, 25)
Summary The Thorns consolidated and were happy enough to manage that, but losing talismanic youth Exene Fletcher is a blow. Still, they look a better-balanced outfit now.

18. Gosmouth Swans
Colours White and blue
Nickname the Swans
Manager Lukas Farrell (52)
Key Players Dalibor Redcliff (GK, 25), Alanna Clemens (CB, 28), Ygor Raspas (LB, 32), Amanda Bader (CM, 23), Hawke Ziegenhorn (ST, 28, CEN)
Summary Won eight of their first 15 games... then eight of the remaining 31. Still, at least Hawke Ziegenhorn proved there was some life left in him, even if it's a shadow of his remarkable talent.

19. Lazuli Diamonds
Colours Yellow and blue
Nickname the Diamonds
Manager Phoenix Holler (48)
Key Players Hadrian Chalmond (RB, 25), Geoff Packer (CB, 27), Chester Regis (CM, 24), Andreas Davis (LM, 22), Romeo Varrick (ST, 30)
Summary Fresh-promoted on a wave of optimism, the Diamonds are going to make a splash and score plenty of goals. It's keeping them out of the net that's gonna be the issue.

20. Extreme Hills
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Hounds
Manager Jess Hearn (46)
Key Players Julian Alderweiss (GK, 32), Dorian Webster (GK, 18), Stefan Oughtred (RB, 30), Arthur Levitt (CB, 34, ETN), Magdalena Spiro (LB, 32), Cherry Whiteside (RM, 24), Gavin Handspiker (CM, 33), Stefan Ermine (LM, 30), Nori Harcutt (ST, 33), Ivor Roxham (ST, 32), Meredith Lincoln (ST, 24)
Summary Hills remain stranded in purgatory, thanks in large part to injuries; teenage goalkeeper Webster got a run-out at one point, and has been promoted from fourth-choice to third. Expect goals to fly in at both ends.

21. Lockheed Zenith
Colours Green and white
Nickname the Raptors
Manager Sakis Galanis (45)
Key Players Carmilla Bowen (CB, 25), Robyn Nestor (CB, 23), Janus Burchard (RM, 24), Immanuel Leifer (LM, 25), Cantra Duprey (ST, 33)
Summary A young, ambitious side bolstered by a young, ambitious manager. Duprey is a golden signing who guarantees goals, and doesn't need to run with all the youth about.

22. Crossroads Town
Colours White and red
Nickname the Valiants
Manager Matt Jacqueline (49)
Key Players Kieron Schmetter (CB, 25), Xene Vourvoulias (RM, 21), Elon Cisneros (CM, 32), Ismael Volga (LM, 26), Jose Espalheira (ST, 29, NTN)
Summary Look surprisingly strong on paper; Cisneros and their wingers should feed Espalheira all he needs. But the squad is brittle elsewhere, and deathly thin.

23. AFC Shale
Colours Jade and navy
Nickname the Grafters
Manager Jasper Harlin (56)
Key Players Vicki Bassett (GK, 32), Olivia Ryghseter (RB, 31), Barry Inkster (CB, 29), Inka Brashell (CB, 25), Marc Fenton (LB, 33), Sigmar Ward (DM, 34), Karel Jaffe (CM, 34), Constance Jameson (CM, 24), Justinian Orland (LM, 23), Bernhard Duisberg (ST, 33)
Summary The Grafters ran dismally aground last season; too many key players are just too damn old, and they've done little to solve that this offseason. Perhaps that includes their manager; has Harlin lost his touch?

24. Kommissar
Colours Red and black
Nickname the Sheepdogs
Manager Sepp Bauer (47)
Key Players Brand Hilton (GK, 25), Russ Brackley (RB, 24), Mikael Tanner (CM, 21), James Forde (LM, 25), Rho Efthimiou (ST, 32)
Summary Back again, are we? Rho Efthimiou's steady fall from Coret has landed with a thud here, and they'll need to rely on a deathly unreliable and mildly alcoholic striker to keep their heads above water. The side is solidly uninspiring.

by **Nephara** » Thu Sep 03, 2020 10:05 pm

Here we go, and due to the … unique nature of Nephara’s fixture calendar, a number of sides face today their opponents from the last match of yesteryear. Most prominently, this means rematches for Treason and Crisisbless against Athletic and the Wanderers, matches which last season decided the destination of the title. Well, neither’s having any messing about this time. Athletic’s vaunted signings, Katsura and Benezet, are silenced by Treason’s aggressive, assertive pressing, the team’s structure surviving injury to Ferena Rauch and the abrupt promotion of 20-year old Aventurine Kolar, who spent last season on loan in the third-tier. Like in the Ramsey Shield, they outlast their opponents in the end, clinical strikes from Uster and Accardi sealing the win after stonewalling Athletic for an hour.

Crisisbless, by contrast, go down 1-0 in just the sixth minute, a looping header from Koellner spinning wildly over a flailing, swearing Na’Kefir. That just makes them angry. It’s 3-1 by the half-hour mark, 5-1 by half-time, the Wanderers torn hither and yon under the Heelers’ ferocious short passing maneuvres. For Crisisbless product Kay Szarbach between the Wanderers’ posts, it was a chastening return to these shores. A gritty performance from Creed manages to gut out a point in Brinemouth, Burgess chesting down and stroking home a debut goal in decisive fashion, the Moths batter Starling into concussion and Belgrave, well, look like a team missing the nucleus of their midfield in a 3-0 defeat to Corvistone.

The Wanderers and Harriers made the loudest statements of intent upon their glorious return to the second tier, showing why they’re among the favourites to go straight back up. Irsa Croxteth for the former looked like a woman amongst children, imperious in pulling the midfield strings in a 4-0 demolition of Bishop, while the latter took Mantlegrove apart 3-0 while underlining the chops of Donato Girardi, another playmaker at the other end of his career. A welcome-back goal for Roxana Coffey was nice to see, too. Stahlburg complete the trio of victorious relegated sides by edging out Goodfeather through an inelegant late tap-in off Michail’s thigh, while the Strongest manage an upset win over Diamondqueen. Keeping fearless striker Kylene Rotariu was a massive coup for the Strongest, but the Diamonds keeping mediocre keeper Manuel Keller proved just as vital to the win.

Over the course of their window, Belgrave lost their best prospect and their best player, and between them, the core of their midfield. To replace Kotaro Katsura - who this week lays on his first Athletic assist, setting up Westerveld to equalise late against Stahlburg City - they brought in the less than glamorous Andrea Prentice, a thick-haunched, cocksure playmaker too stationary for Brandon Laithstrider’s liking. It’s never nice to be surplus to requirements, let alone when on paper you’re probably one of the club’s best players. This week, she makes Chatswood pay. With Markus Teamster behind her loyally butchering opponents and handing her the ball without ambition, Prentice preys on the space between midfield and defence, playing a hand in all five of Belgrave’s goals in an utter demolition of the flat-footed Axes. It’s a good day, all things considered, to have a goalkeeping howler crop up - Leda Tristram tries to restart play and hurls a ball into Kanerva Herron’s face, giving the substitute her first Chatswood goal in inauspicious fashion as it bounces horribly past Tristram’s reach.

Crisisbless United goalkeeper Rina Lazareva gets the worst of both worlds - she concedes five and two are her fault. Vermillion’s pressing unbalances the entire side - that’s what it’s for, after all - and one time with the ball at her feet finds it scuffed straight to Porter, while another time it’s confidently whipped… into Konse. Still, it’s not like Vermillion weren’t utterly dominant regardless in a reality check for the young Chequers. Parrhesia’s wait for a Premiership point goes on as fellow promoted side Brookford clamber over them, towering castle Aurora Jewel with a pinpoint header late on to clinch the points for the Otters and make the most of a frankly optimistic hoof forward by Cicak. Twisting the knife, the first goal was scored by Misha Symond, Parrhesia’s rightback and captain last season. Because of course it was. Treason’s wait to concede a goal goes on as they cagily dispatch Newrook, while Brinemouth maim the Rovers 5-1.

The Falconers show they’re here for a good time, if perhaps not a long time, in a 3-3 draw against normally dour Armstrong. It’s the kind of match where Armstrong’s natural plan is just to sit back and wait for Peregrine to fuck up, and that’s set for a really boring match until Anise Riske threads the needle to find Roberts for a far-post tap-in, and then all hell breaks loose. A measured performance shows off the Harriers’ nerveless ability to command games through players like Stensholt and Girardi, calm and in control against Iron City, second-half strikes from Coffey and substitute forward Cervenka seeing off their fellow promotion favourites. An inspired series of saves from Kari Vidmar bail out Alliance against Morningstar, while Cranequin City goalkeeper Fyona Matthews’ long bomb is the assist for Paara’s decisive hammer-blow against Crisisbless Athletic. “Could someone not have tried to jump for it?” bemoans Athletic manager Bess Gannon.

You always, always, always drop everything to focus on the Sabrefell derby, the derby. Even when both teams were weirdly shit in the early-mid years of the league, it’s the fixture you circle in the calendar. Both sides have made expensive signings in the off-season, both tilted towards midfield and attack. Athletic have gone for proven things, the Moths taken gambles. No point being coy; those gambles do not pay off tonight. Kateryna Zuniga may well be the player Adalheid Metzelder is convinced she will become, but precisely three matches into her professional career, her dreams meet the reality of Katsura and Dominique and fold. Markgraf drops a cross that Benezet taps home for Athletic’s first, before a thundering Katsura free kick snaps into the underside of the crossbar. 2-0 within fifteen minutes, and while the Moths press ferociously, from there it feels more like avoiding humilitation than any real prospect of victory. Well, that’s out of sight by the hour mark - Orsolya Gere comes off the bench to drive home Athletic’s third after scything inside hard enough to actually injure Bruun after her studs are caught in the grass, before rightback Fox, far enough forward to get vertigo, wins a penalty for countryman and talisman Oscar Coltrane, another substitute, to drive conclusively past Markgraf. Sabrefell is red, with the Moths’ blood.

That takes some focus away from Crisisbless, where there’s the small matter of last season’s top two slugging it out. The overall flow of the game is oddly similar to the Ramsey Shield but this time, Crisisbless take their chances - Damion Bowman whipping a strike into the far corner from an angle Angel Clavel evidently didn’t feel was worth covering. The second is a penalty won by the conveniently dragging leg of lively winger Till, Lockheed only too eager to smash her to the turf. Germain redeems himself, his strike too strong for Clavel’s fingertips. Chatswood get a stunning 4-0 win against South Laithland, and it has to be said that despite the scepticism, the diminutive Chloe Vishca has been an inspired signing for them, industry and class in equal measure and a goal, assist and goalline clearance on the night. Crisisbless United come back from a 2-0 half-time deficit to stun a Starling side Lisa Amos admits were ‘complacent’, while the Otters and Belgrave just go hammer and tongs at each other, the Gargoyles coming away with the points and the odd goal in five.

Questions are starting to be asked in Treason, after Morningstar’s start goes from ‘slow’ to ‘concerning’. Armstrong’s 3-0 beatdown makes 2Div heroes like Brosnan and Gannon look positively callow in defence, while Sandro Quintal isn’t going to get the goals Stars need of him if nobody can actually get the 31-year old Audioslavian the fucking ball. Diamondqueen kick Mezei Orban closer to the axe with a 4-0 mauling, the Bohemians looking bizarrely jaded for just three games in, with the Diamonds’ young, vibrant midfield running rings around them. In fact it’s a good day for central Sabrefell more broadly, as River pump Cranequin 5-1.

“Do it for the coefficient!” Such is the rallying cry in the away end at Stahlburg, a Crisisbless side ready to avenge the poor, helpless coefficient’s damage at the hands of the Smiths’ 7-0 humiliation in Ko-oren. Well, unsurprisingly that didn’t speak well to their defensive ability, and neither does Mathis Orsay’s decision to stop running - sure you’re like a hundred years old but why should that matter? - allowing Germain to dart in behind the defence, get found by Bowman and drill home the opener just two and a half minutes into the game. But it’s a cruel scoreline on Stahlburg that doesn’t entirely reflect the play. More specifically for about an hour in the middle there the Smiths beat the absolute tar out of Crisisbless. Not just in terms of physicality. Hell, two Stahlburg goals are only disallowed for some kind of foul in the buildup! But at the end, there’s nothing they can do without somehow shooting themselves in the foot. Minute 86: Isabella Shi is clear, and despite only having just come on, out of breath. She shoots straight into Na’Kefir. Na’Kefir restarts play down the right, Longship passes to … which leads eventually to Woakes crashing through the maze of bodies to tap home the clincher.

Athletic, one guesses, are on the warpath. Wouldn’t sell us Matej Beltrame, hey, you cunts? Another 4-0 is on its way, leaving the Spiders behind utterly shellshocked. Metzelder does a Metzelder move, refusing to change anyone but the injured Bruun against Newrook City. They’re efficient without being amazing in a 2-0 win, livewire winger Ysabet Belgrade with the brace, giving Baer the runaround all game. Brookford squander their chances against South Laithland, who characteristically prove the more efficient. Starling finally get their first win of the season in a cagey affair against the Crows, who are aggrieved to have a goal chalked off for offside and another for handball. The handball was dodgy, the offside flat-out wrong, but did it really warrant Babatunde Warrington ripping the linesman’s flag out of his hand and beating him over the head with it? No. No, it did not.

Peregrine have endured one hell of a beating. By the time it’s over, Artemis Tsipras - who honestly hasn’t disgraced herself in goal - just slumps down at the post, stares into space. 19-year old centre-half Audrey Curran throws up; she’s replaced Providence Mensah, who pulled up with injury just twelve minutes in. And Loftus Fitford isn’t there at all, having managed to pick up two bookings in forty seconds. It’s 7-2 by the final whistle, and the angriest man on the pitch is Orion Randwick in the opposite goal, who hasn’t actually managed to make a save. In fact, possibly as a joke, Peregrine winger Luthier picks up Player of the Match honours for his two assists. The fuck, honestly. The Harriers eviscerate Morningstar 4-0; the Harriers have won every game without conceding, Stars have lost every game while scoring just once. Not exactly an unpredictable result, then.

All eyes on the Classic, Brinemouth vs. Treason. Technique vs. sheer stubbornness, though precisely what that manifests as depends on the year. This vintage, for example, has a tight and intelligent Brinemouth against a muscular and unforgiving Treason… and… hm, maybe it is little surprise that the game isn’t the most open. That’s not to entirely put it in ‘one for the purists’ territory, and there are chances to take the breath away. Kasmiir splits the tight-set Treason defence with an inch-perfect pass on the fringe of the interval, Danielle Jackson - who Treason once tried to buy themselves - races onto it… but Clavel closes down the angle, and beats away a shot placed too close. On the hour mark, ludicrous fortune for the Dockers as McInnes strikes a shot past Bull’s near post off both uprights, somehow allowing Brosch to clear. Uster has a fair penalty shout turned down late on, dragged down by Steele in a nominal shoulder-to-shoulder, one you suspect would’ve been given at the Gauntlet. Even so, it’s scoreless by the end.

For class and goals, go instead to Crisisbless. The main event here is the Moths’ visit to the Heelers, one where the lower-quality Moths manage to batter and buffet Crisisbless all match, their relentless pace forcing two openings both finished by the sterling new acquisition Shiloh Morgenstern. By the end, they’re aggrieved to come away with just a point. Pure class from Bowman sends a free kick into the top corner, Markgraf motionless, but it’s nerves that get the better of Moths’ centre-half Miska Brabanzon, presented with the threats of Marinkovic and Woakes running at her, trying to turn off them and pass to her comrade Turnbull, and having the ball swept away neatly by substitute Penumbra Till and stabbed between Markgraf’s feet. The other Crisisbless, United, look ripe to fold by the interval. Other than a quick goal from Katsura, they’ve held out Athletic well for 45 minutes before Isusi sweeps in a corner and the big satyr defender Dreider rises highest and… oops… gets her angles wrong and places the ball neatly past Lazareva. She sinks to her feet. Defeated… ? No. In the second half, in the 91st minute, after Kurz and Roesler have got United back into the game either side of a red card for Dominique, Dreider rises highest to head home a Larsen corner and steal the game for the Chequers. Chatswood’s bright start to the season continues with a hard-fought draw against Starling, Aries drop points for the first time against Belgrave, while North Laithland dominate Newrook on a great day for Rika Lundell, a hat-trick of assists.

Why are River… well, why are they the way they are? By the first half it’s scoreless against Bishop, a side tipped to struggle. A side who have given every possible minute to Parma fucking Tollett. And a side who, by the time the game is said and done, have handed two assists to Parma fucking Tollett as Eoin Killanen’s Ferrymen implode completely after the interval, 4-0 the final score. What the hell did the respective managers say over the break? Holden Beckwith’s brace sets him at four goals so far and the brawny striker might finally be ascending to his potential. Mantlegrove thump Rochford 6-2 - it may not be the most illuminating to just focus on big scores, but come on, Mantlegrove don’t score. The Harriers drop points for the first time, two set piece goals from Armstrong seeing them off, along with resolute defence and the gloves of Virtanen. The Paladins could be the real deal this season, you know.

The return of Parrhesia means the return of the Vermillion derby - the proper one, not the one with the Wanderers. The most mercurial mainstays of the league, though the Rage still go in as steady favourites, with a proven manager and a wealth of experience. Traudl Mrdja, always lively, sets the scene early on with a dipping strike that Laisne does fantastically well to tip over, before Fleetwood’s corner is headed unerringly home by Liam Toivonen, the centre-half barely even marked. And then, just as Vermillion are building momentum, just as the tide looks unstoppable, right after Heward’s butchered a presentable chance and Porter’s had a reasonable penalty shout denied, something unthinkable happens: Victoria Maersk Makes a Mistake. With Mueller in her face, she turns and passes back to Cierra Anderson, only Anderson isn’t there; Nikola Swann is, and while the young winger mostly just boasts pace, that’s enough to nip between the centre-halves and chip a dainty, clever finish over Ramelow to level the scores. Despite plenty of chances in the second half, that’s how things end, both sides feeling a little like they could’ve done more.

Stahlburg City can usually guarantee one thing: a solid defence. They’re not going to go down easily. They’re going to-- concede four goals by half-time against Brinemouth. Seriously? Not even like this is the first time, after the Ko-oren Experience. Lewis Phoenix scratches his neck and admits he didn’t know what went wrong, which begs the question: why the fuck was the interviewer asking the lone striker? Catheline Harper gets a warm return to the Gauntlet as Creed manager and considerately refrains from making things awkward by losing 2-0; Hadrian Belfast is similarly acquiescing on his return to the Barbarossa. Starling take only their second win of the season, and beating the Otters 1-0 is… well, hardly convincing. Leichhardt’s 1-0 defeat to Rovers might be the worst game of the season thus far, but a seven-goal thriller between Newrook and Crisisbless United - the latter coming back from 2-1 down at half-time to win with a rare appearance from Antelmi and Roesler sharing the field - is a contender for the best.

Aliance may have started the season in lively fashion, but defeat to a newly-promoted side is never a good look. North Sabrefell look ponderous in midfield, lacking the actual thrust required to break down a disciplined defensive unit. Durrig and Hearn clean up at the back, Kurtis Bristoll runs the show despite the numbers swarming him and his direct free kick is added to when he drops a perfect long ball onto Schonlau’s head in injury time. “I don’t think the scoreline’s magnitude reflected the game,” sniffs Bohemian Lothar Zander, a liar or a fool. The Wanderers’ 2-1 win over Armstrong already feels significant in the race for good things at the sharp end. Jakob Mortimer turned down a job offer in Taeshan to take over the Wanderers, and it seems like his side not only has the technical sharpness, but the defensive grit that evaporated in the top flight. Serpentine belt Athletic 4-0 away, Alyssa Greening coming away with a hat-trick, while the Strongest manage a goal with ten men against high-flying Harriers. Admittedly, a consolation in a 4-1 defeat, but still.

The Crisisbless derby crops up in the calendar with both sides having made strong starts to the season. For the Heelers, Damion Bowman has picked up where he left off, the defence remains impenetrable and Maia Abylon, the marauding pivot beside Kastriot, might be the player of the season thus far. For United, Alex Coles has caught the eye, managing to combine his eye in possession with newfound muscle. Except today. Crisisbless run roughshod over their smaller local rivals, and two of the goals are down to Coles’ admirable ambition to play out from the back even when swarmed by ultra-fit, disciplined white-and-blue shirts. He’s hooked for Patrik Alphonse just before the hour, a player of… generously, a third the quality. But Tim Maitfield stands by his harangued starlet: “In five years, those passes come off and he plays us out of trouble every time - or more likely he does so for a Brinemouth or a Directus.” It says a lot about the United fandom that they don’t lynch the poor bastard after the 4-0 defeat.

Parrhesia get belted 4-1 by Starling at home; they’ve already lost more games than they did in the entirety of last season. While that isn’t in itself overly surprising, and was to some degree inevitable, they’ve still looked alarmingly frail. Brinemouth outplay the Moths through the middle, one of those games where one man makes the difference; Brinemouth have that man, Farago rue Cazade able to exert himself on the game in a way that opposite number Swansea Reach cannot, and in so doing orchestrating the affair. Southfell maul Brookford 4-0 as Laureline Forestier enjoys a starring role in a rare opportunity to play just behind the strikers rather than on the wing, while Chatswood show their resilience to come back three times to draw Athletic.

Mixu Durran makes a cornucopia of agonised faces on the touchline as his Bishops are slaughtered 4-0 by a proficient, dominant Diamondqueen. On home soil, no less. Have they lost their ability to keep a foothold in games at this level, after seemingly shedding their best player every year? Morningstar are battered by the same scoreline against North Sabrefell, the Mezei Orban Master Plan working perfectly but aided in the first goal when Augustine Catapan and Karl Linstead slam into each other at full pace, cleaning each other out. Catapan’s knocked out completely, Linstead injured, and Stars don’t seem to recover from the double substitution… or the fact that neither of them got to the ball they wanted, which bounced sadly into the empty net.

Aries Chariots, improbably, sit atop the field. Victory over Leichhardt was… clerkly, rather than spectacular, the toothless Valesiders hardly challenging Fasolt Senninger, Sloane Walsh grinning ear to ear as she taps home the finisher unmarked after 20-year old Purna Zazagan opened her Premiership account in spectacular fashion with a scorching strike. Rounding out the top five are the usual suspects, for the most part; Crisisbless smash the Crows 4-0 with Belfast admitting the Heelers had ‘total control’, Brinemouth ease to victory over the Spiders, miserly Treason over Cranequin and, oh, Southfell are here too. While it’s a general inelegant melee beneath the top five, the field not quite yet having truly separated, it is still striking to note that the Moths in 10th haven’t quite fired yet, thus far scoring just eight goals and conceding nine, this after a less than convincing 1-0 win over slow-starting Creed.

Unsurprisingly, it’s also a scrum towards the bottom. Stahlburg are currently 13th, have scored the second-fewest goals in the league with five (no individual has more than one) and even their defence is failing them on occasion. The silent guns of the Hawks must be a concern as well, and getting thumped 3-0 by United shoves Nick Feeney to the front of the sack race. Three sides are stranded on a single win, the aforementioned Cranequin, Creed and Leichhardt having been given unforgiving draws today, as were Brookford sandwiched between them and unlucky to lose 2-1 to Athletic despite a spirited performance. But at the bottom, feeling low as anything after a 6-1 caning at the hands of Southfell, are the Saints - thus far, simply unable to make the step up. They can’t defend pace, they can’t hold down the midfield and marquee signing Celustka, who has always had a bit of diva about her, looks disinterested. They’re winless and in serious, serious strife.

People by and large expected the Harriers to come out on top of the league, but they’re doing so more emphatically than anyone expected. Not quite Saints-last-year emphatic, but only profligacy stops the 1-0 win over North Sabrefell from being more emphatic. Kiva Sirleaf made two saves, both with Numenen deep under pressure firing into her midriff. Roxana Coffey, who very much still has it at 31, curls a luscious low strike past Volland on the hour to finally release the pressure. The Wanderers edge out Cypher to overtake them into 2nd, but where are the third of the favourites going into the season? Iron clamber into the top half, barely, with a difficult 1-0 win over Chardonnay Rangers. “Of such days are champions made,” intones Lara Dixon, the optimist. Maybe champions could buy a prolific striker, or play with attacking energy, or concede less. They look a way off as things stand. Diamondqueen round out the top four, Mantlegrove and Alliance are the surprise packages in the chase.

North Sabrefell are deep in the shit, three points above danger, and nothing they’ve tried seems to click. The defence is sluggish, the midfield is… sluggish, and Simone Cheney’s supposedly clashed hard with management behind the scenes and is conspicuously absent against the Harriers, replaced by a man in Reinhard Geist best and most euphemistically referred to as ‘a trier’. Goodfeather have been even worse, puzzlingly anaemic in defeat to an admittedly strong Diamondqueen, though at least they’re scoring. Just not on the day. Across town, Peregrine occupy the playoff place, slaughtered 4-0 by Raven River, but the three sides beneath them are yet to win at all. Athletic score just their third and fourth goals of the season to claim a draw against Stahlburg, Chardonnay haven’t been truly awful but, well, haven’t won, while Morningstar… oh, Morningstar. They’ve just got one point and two goals all season. What the hell is going wrong?

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Chariots           8  7  1  0  17   5  +12  22
  2 Crisisbless              8  6  2  0  21   5  +16  20
  3 Brinemouth               8  6  2  0  17   3  +14  20
  4 Southfell United         8  5  2  1  18   8  +10  17
  5 AFC Treason              8  5  2  1   9   3   +6  17
  6 AFC Corvistone           8  5  0  3  13   8   +5  15
  7 Crisisbless United       8  5  0  3  17  19   -2  15
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       8  4  2  2  17  10   +7  14
  9 Starling                 8  4  2  2  11   7   +4  14
 10 Sabrefell Moths          8  4  2  2   8   9   -1  14
 11 Vermillion Rage          8  4  1  3  12   9   +3  13
 12 North Laithland          8  3  2  3   9  10   -1  11
 13 Stahlburg City           8  2  3  3   5  10   -5   9
 14 Belgrave                 8  2  2  4  13  14   -1   8
 15 Chatswood                8  2  2  4  13  15   -2   8
 16 Coret Hawks              8  2  2  4   6  11   -5   8
 17 Chenoworth Rovers        8  2  1  5   8  13   -5   7
 18 Newrook City             8  2  1  5  11  17   -6   7
 19 South Laithland          8  2  1  5   7  13   -6   7
 20 Cranequin Wanderers      8  1  3  4   8  14   -6   6
 21 Brookford Otters         8  2  0  6   7  15   -8   6
 22 Creed United             8  1  2  5   6  13   -7   5
 23 Leichhardt               8  1  0  7   3  12   -9   3
 24 Parrhesia United         8  0  3  5   8  21  -13   3

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers        8  7  0  1  18   3  +15  21
  2 Vermillion Wanderers       8  6  2  0  17   4  +13  20
  3 Cypher Town                8  6  1  1   9   4   +5  19
  4 Diamondqueen               8  5  1  2  17   6  +11  16
  5 Armstrong                  8  5  1  2  13   8   +5  16
  6 Mantlegrove                8  4  3  1  16  11   +5  15
  7 Stahlburg Rovers           8  4  2  2  12   7   +5  14
  8 Alliance Barossia          8  4  1  3   8   8   +0  13
  9 Raven River                8  3  3  2  15  11   +4  12
 10 AFC Serpentine             8  3  3  2  10   8   +2  12
 11 Barossia United            8  3  3  2  12  12   +0  12
 12 Iron City                  8  3  2  3  11  10   +1  11
 13 Bishop                     8  3  2  3  10  13   -3  11
 14 AFC Rochford               8  3  2  3   8  11   -3  11
 15 Corvette Maulers           8  2  4  2  11  11   +0  10
 16 Corinthians No Longer      8  3  1  4  11  12   -1  10
 17 The Strongest              8  3  1  4  13  17   -4  10
 18 North Sabrefell            8  2  2  4   7   9   -2   8
 19 Goodfeather FC             8  1  2  5  12  15   -3   5
 20 Cranequin City             8  1  2  5   7  13   -6   5
 21 Peregrine                  8  1  2  5   7  19  -12   5
 22 Crisisbless Athletic       8  0  4  4   4  14  -10   4
 23 Chardonnay Rangers         8  0  3  5   7  13   -6   3
 24 Morningstar                8  0  1  7   2  18  -16   1

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire           8  7  0  1  15   8   +7  21
  2 Gonen's Bridge            8  5  2  1  15   6   +9  17
  3 Ritter Town               8  4  3  1  10   5   +5  15
  4 Locksley                  8  4  3  1  12   9   +3  15
  5 Falston United            8  4  2  2  15  11   +4  14
  6 Dartmouth Terriers        8  3  5  0  11   8   +3  14
  7 Riverkey                  8  4  2  2  10   7   +3  14
  8 Hackett                   8  4  1  3  13  11   +2  13
  9 West Brinemouth           8  3  3  2  12  10   +2  12
 10 AFC Shale                 8  3  3  2   7   6   +1  12
 11 Autumnstone               8  3  2  3  16  11   +5  11
 12 Pillars of Southfell      8  2  5  1  10   7   +3  11
 13 Sheridan                  8  2  4  2   7   6   +1  10
 14 Lazuli Diamonds           8  3  1  4   9  13   -4  10
 15 Ballardine FC             8  2  3  3   9  10   -1   9
 16 Greygate                  8  2  3  3  12  14   -2   9
 17 Boltcroft Thorns          8  2  2  4  12  12   +0   8
 18 The Hanged Man            8  2  2  4   5   8   -3   8
 19 Gosmouth Swans            8  1  4  3  13  12   +1   7
 20 Extreme Hills             8  2  1  5   8  12   -4   7
 21 Lockheed Zenith           8  1  3  4   7  15   -8   6
 22 Crossroads Town           8  1  2  5   5  14   -9   5
 23 Kommissar                 8  1  2  5   6  18  -12   5
 24 Stonegrave                8  0  4  4   5  11   -6   4

by **Nephara** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 12:01 am

For ninety minutes on home soil, in pattering rain, South Laithland take flight. Starling face an unforgiving aerial bombardment, in full knowledge that the Southrons’ strategy is essentially to hoof it at Bergander to knock it down to Riise, but were they able to actually stop it? They held the line for sixteen minutes… and then Berg fell awkwardly after a challenge, limping off, replaced by 21-year old Garrick Rustak. One of the world’s best defenders replaced by some kid. The bloodbath began in earnest; first, Habane swung in a cross that Bergander knocked down and Riise acted quickly to sweep home. Then, Habane swung in a cross that Bergander knocked down and Riise acted quickly to sweep home. In the 41st minute, Novick swung in a cross that… anyway, it ended 4-0, Riise vaulted up to four goals on the season with a hat-trick and the defensive line was imperious. Lisa Amos has been left with a lot to do.

Leichhardt have seriously struggled up front this season, and a towering header from Tess Saunders means that the 24-year old centre-half is now their top scorer, on… two. Fortunately, an imperious defensive showing keeps the Stags to just a single reply, a desperate goalmouth scramble converted by a moment of cool-headedness from John Fletcher, giving the Stargazers a brilliant point. Other David vs. Goliath fixtures end with Goliath kicking David’s stupid teeth in; Chatswood get pulped 4-0 by Crisisbless, Moira Woakes smirking by the end, while not even Emeka Obasi’s lilac-and-sunburst ensemble can help Parrhesia to a first win of the season, easily swept away 3-0 by Athletic as Thibault Benezet strode magnificently through the Saints’ defence time after time. Aries stall at the top to a late barrage from Vermillion, Grey Holden left furious as slack marking opens up a quickfire brace for Mrdja in the dying moments, while Newrook beat Brookford with a little helping hand from Naiva Storrev. That’s a pun. It should’ve been chalked off.

The Falconers stun the Maulers, despite a pre-match narrative dominated by the medium-term injury of Sylvia Janik. The 32-year old Gloriax international is a proven quality at this level… well, so went the narrative. 20-year old Dauntless Carrick, who missed the first couple of weeks recuperating from top surgery, comes in and immediately matches Janik’s one goal just three minutes in, Unbehaun cutting out a pass with a scything challenge, Felix Luthier driving a perfectly weighted ball down the line and Carrick with a perfectly timed run followed up by a perfect finish clipped past Marisnick. The Maulers, stunned, got their teeth punched out time and again, walked down the tunnel dazed at 4-0, and Marisnick’s penalty save stopped it being worse by the end. Morningstar and Cranequin City thud to a mutually disappointing 1-1 draw; watching players like Soros and Cullen thud about makes one wonder how these sides were relatively recent Premiership outfits.

At some point over the past couple of years, Atalanta Skapetis went from Coret’s shining beacon to something of a liability. She’s always had top-drawer technical ability, and always been just too mercurial to actually leave the Hawks; suffice to say she struggles to lift her game when the side are struggling. Nick Feeney publically criticised her workrate in training; Skapetis responded by, uh, missing it for a day. Why? “To get drunk!” she announced almost proudly at the press conference. So of course Feeney drops her for their trip to Chatswood… so of course Muse Blackburn pulls up in the pre-game warmup, Skapetis has to start anyway, tapdances on Valeria Hammond’s head and drives home a goal and an assist in a 3-0 rout. Can’t live with her, but…

Leichhardt were linked with Skapetis in the off-season, and one could see how the solid but uninspiring Castor Meier could use an upgrade on the right flank. Against Stahlburg City, Leichhardt just have no answers. Lewis Phoenix places a perfect header into the top corner eighteen minutes in and the Stargazers just don’t have an answer as the Smiths shut up shop. Corvistone faces Brinemouth and just find themselves outplayed, the Dockers’ muscular and technical midfield mastering the small spaces, passing through the Crows’ disciplined press, and while Tristan Niedermayer twice denies the Dockers by blindsiding rue Cazade with inch-perfect challenges he can’t hold off the charge alone. Rue Cazade loops a brilliant free kick over the wall and under Feldman almost diffidently on the verge of half-time, before setting up Tidesson to score the clincher with his last touch of the night, Gareth Blackthorn having already arranged the sub and not even a goal enough to change his mind. Treason beat high-flying Aries 1-0 in a tense affair, and it’s telling that Angel Clavel gets MOTM billing.

A goalshy week, no game managing over three goals. Both Goodfeather and Iron have notably underperformed thus far, though in different and slightly predictable ways. Iron carve out chances, but Xandra Vermouth remains a deeply inconsistent finisher, and she doesn’t have it turned on tonight; she does, for all that, get on the scoresheet when Leyland Brincat fumbles a shot from Remsza and Vermouth is there to pounce. But the nimble Quakers fight back in the second half, work their way to 62% of the ball, Angela Braugher finally gets on the mark for the season by beating Olexander at her near post before uhhh… massive satyr veteran defender Kalia Tolsii smashes home Mizumaru’s corner. Not exactly playing to narrative, there. A brilliant solo goal from Declan Wharton is enough for Vermillion to beat River in an otherwise dire game, while Morningstar grab a late goal to snatch a point from a six-pointer against similarly underwhelming Chardonnay.

Look across Aries Chariots’ squad. Sierra, Rzazade, Tarrasch and Na’Duha are past their prime; Selke and Walsh are First Division refurbish jobs. And yet they are flying and the Passerines, hobbled by injuries to Berg and Roebling, are very distinctly not. From the outset the Chariots look more confident, raking the ball around from side to side with ease, Starling cautious to a fault. Early snapshots didn’t really trouble Smordal, arguably the league’s finest goalkeeper. Sloane Walsh found herself played through only to kick her strike into her standing leg, an experience from which she learned to instead play in Sierra to stab home the opener. That was in the 28th minute. Few expected seven more goals to follow, Starling overcommitting in midfield and being gashed time and again, 3-0 by half-time, Riaz and Vanna Pearce restoring some intrigue to the tie before being smacked down by three more Chariots goals, Smordal all but weeping with frustration at his defence late on. What has happened to Nova Kymeri, once so assured holding the midfield? What has happened to Starling? They now languish in 14th, as the Chariots maintain third.

The first tentative cries of “Kunde Out” start to echo around Covenground, which from one perspective is a bit harsh; a rare goal from Jurman, a beautiful arcing free kick from Lysander Forward that left Ferret Tioux grasping air and Riise stabbing home his fifth of the season give South Laithland a hard-fought 3-2 lead over Sabrefell Athletic by half-time. And then, well, whatever’s said is said at the interval, Tony Dalton emerges with a cocksure smile on his face and the Rams romp home five unanswered goals, including two trickling efforts that Gerhard Hartmuth should absolutely have saved. What does it say when the 33-year old captain, a former Crisisbless man, is out of form and confidence? In all this, it might be easy to overlook something that means a lot to Stahlburg fans; the Smiths go to Treason and take the points, a resolute defensive performance under fire, a contentious offside call chalking off what Treason thought was Uster’s opener, and a moment of magic from Delfour at the other end providing the opening for a shot he lashes low past a wrong-footed Clavel. Corvistone get the odd goal from seven to beat Creed in a match which pleases fans, but neither manager, both railing against the lack of defensive organisation after the fact. Hadrian Belfast manages to keep his composure even as hat-trick hero Baba Warrington crashes his conference, kisses his scalp and declares “Hey, relax, man! Life’s too short to stress about defending!” Bold talk to the best defender of his generation.

Stars finally flare into life with their first win of the season! Serra Chilton doesn’t seem to believe it; even at 3-0 up she’s sweating, and then Beck Gannon gives away a sloppy penalty to Leskosek that Beckwith drives home through Catapan’s fingertips. Twenty minutes to play, could they… ? No, clever interplay through the midfield is finished by a thunderblast from Rosenstiel that secures the points for Stars. Lienke Vesper and Scylla Vyntra watch on in disgust as their Harriers throw away a 3-0 half-time lead to draw a resurgent Rangers, helped out by captain Stensholt’s needless red for a lunging challenge. “They warned me about this club,” Vesper bemoans openly to the press. “They warned me about thie fucking club!”

The opening rounds of the Cup play out with their usual fanfare, which is to say reduced to the sides actually playing in it. Oddly, of the eight matches that go to extra time, not a single one sees a goal scored over the half-hour, all going to penalties; five of these end in 3-1s. One of the losers of those shootouts is Advance Lazuli, in their first-ever Cup match; of the other two, Creed Rosebud are held easily at bay by Brokenarch, but Rosary Brinemouth manage victory over Shimmering Quay.

Sabrefell Athletic and Vermillion Rage come head-to-head, and the fans expect goals. Well, they won’t be disappointed. The difference comes in midfield; less individually talented, Vermillion’s brilliantly-marshalled midfield - with Victoria Maersk at its core - snuffs out attack after attack with a breathless discipline rarely associated with the club. Athletic have the best of the first half, regardless, or at least the first half-hour; Benezet, Katsura and Isusi all singe Ramelow’s palms before the Rams start to tire. They come out sluggish in the second half, Katsura lingers too long on a pass before being clattered by Maersk and Konse in conjunction and then the bloodletting begins. That dispossession leads to a pinpoint crossfield ball from Porter being stabbed home by Mrdja at the far post, before Mrdja sets up Ursa Kinbois to make it 2-0 with her first touch. Dominique hauls Konse to the ground and eats a second yellow; worse still, Fleetwood drives home the resulting free kick, and a tap-in for another substitute, Alysia Moyer, makes it 4-0 in injury time. “Did the scoreline reflect the match?” someone asks Tony Dalton, who looks philosophical for a moment. “Does it matter?” he sighs, at last.

This isn’t the only bloodbath at hand. For that of the Otters’ washing ashore on the Lazuli Coast, there’s few recriminations; Elrik Raskine looks at it philosophically. “We’re always looking to play a brave and open game, and Brinemouth had the tools to take advantage of it.” It was the kind of game that reminds one what a player Danielle Jackson is, perfect arcing runs, darting changes of pace, confident finishes. A hat-trick in the 6-0, the Otters having no answer. Newrook crushing South Laithland by the same scoreline is a serious wakeup call. Naiva Storrev has hit the ground running brilliantly, an effervescent floating presence down the right side, absolutely humiliating former Rooks man Aries Kohler. Kohler was great for his hometown club; he’s been mildly terrible for the Southrons, and gets hooked 52 minutes in here.

Iron City finally turn up the heat, putting the screws to an all-too-open Peregrine. The mixture of callow youths and creaking veterans scrabble to maintain purchase against Lara Dixon’s compact, disciplined outfit, and all too often are a little too slow or naive and lose out in the small margins, which, this being football, add up to a 5-0 win for Iron. Clinical, too, with just six shots on target all game. Chardonnay get their second win of the season in spectacular fashion, Rudi Schubert probably saving his job as his team crushes the Strongest like a grape. Sylvia Wright shows her former club what they’re missing with not just a hat-trick, but four; the late-blooming striker even sets up Lindwurm to drive in the seventh (!) with the last kick of the match.

There’s generally three options you have upon promotion to the Premiership. You can do nothing, in which case your side will be terrible, and relegated easily; Parrhesia, the best 1Div side in history, are floundering even after reinforcement, though they’re respectable in defeat to Brinemouth. You can recognise that your side is terrible and scattergun reinforcements, as the Otters have done; the issue is that they were conned by Misha Symond, who lacks the pace at this level, and new playmaker Isobel Foster just can’t cut it. Or you can do the Creed route; a couple of clinical, targeted signings. Laconic striker Scott Burgess, who efficiently shunts two early goals past Chaeffer in a 4-0 win over the Otters, and experienced defender Kund Borbely, whose nerveless defending helps secure the clean sheet.

Starling’s fifth straight defeat is… is… well, I mean, it’s Starling’s fifth straight defeat. They’re that little bit short of confidence and ponderous in their passing, razor-sharp Kotaro Katsura running them in circles, Xixi Ens with two assists, the Passerines with no answers. A late penalty converted by Dostalok is little consolation. Meanwhile, Coret Hawks are outpressed and picked apart against Belgrave, a technically proficient midfield basically playing keep-away for the second half. Following on from two draws against promoted sides, the defeat leads to speculation that Feeney might be out the door… and replaced by Skorji Oslograd. There’s no fucking way. Surely? But South Laithland won’t be axing their manager, with their chairman standing by Daniel Kunde to the hilt despite their godawful recent form. “I’m insulted by the very question,” he sniffs in a press conference. “We didn’t get this far - largely with Kunde at the helm - with such short-term, short-sighted thinking.”

A last-minute swerve in the sack race! Anyone with their money on Serra Chilton leaves disappointed; she saves her job, most likely, when Sandro Quintal’s injury-time header secures a difficult but deserved victory over Serpentine, who just failed to cope with Stars’ physicality apart from when Marc coped with Beck Gannon’s physicality by falling over to win a penalty. Converted, but not enough. Anyway, the remarkably similar-named Bess Gannon, Athletic manager, is reluctantly shown the door. She’s done brilliantly for Athletic, since her appointment… until now. She’s fresh off a 7-0 defeat to River at home that roots them even harder to the bottom of the table, and also just in general. ‘A Murder of Crowes’, declares the Herald, after Nikita and Asli combine for four of the seven.

Four days after their chairman’s public pledge, South Laithland have sacked Daniel Kunde. Shipping seven to Athletic and six to Newrook may just have broken the club’s spirit. But an anarchic, bloated, deeply underperforming Coret, the opposite of South Laithland’s efficient, muscular, unsexy side last year, stroll to a 4-1 win. It isn’t hard, not even close. Young Hawks keeper Raluca Garamond even does some pushups to keep warm between the posts in a period of inactivity, though in fairness she’s made to look stupid when Forward chips her in a moment of pique. Kunde still leaves the club in good standing, having taken them to the Premiership and, at least at first, getting them a solid foothold. There’s a near-immediate rumour that Iron City and Chatswood both want him. Nevertheless, someone else will have to bail the Southrons out this year.

Parrhesia United… have finally won a game. It was a close-run thing; when Barbarouses tricked the promising but raw Annika Miller into falling over to play in Conrad, who obligingly fell over Spitz’s leg to hand Burgess a penalty to convert, which the Ethane striker did coolly. Laisne, whose consistency has come under fire over the past few weeks, earned his corn with a spectacular top-corner save to deny the young inverted winger Ashara Szuban, and came out bravely to stop Burgess eating up a fine cross from Conrad. That punch came to Miller, who sparked a counter finished by Fohler with Creed finally losing some composure at the back; they’d lose more as two pinpoint passes from Celustka punch holes in the line, deft finishes giving the Saints a lead strong enough to endure a consolation header from Borbely off a corner. Brinemouth outplay Belgrave and expose the gaps ruthlessly, much as they did to Brookford; Starling snap their streak of defeats when an all-too-rare moment of magic from Gisella Riaz culminates in a shot that strands Iarrow and sinks in-form Newrook.

The Strongest are making a habit of getting fucking pulped, with Goodfeather’s ability to make the most of tight spaces… well, not really being relevant, as they dominate the wide-open spaces their obliging opponents leave for them. Angela Braugher, finally dropped for the Quakers, is replaced by energetic young gun Bastet North who rewards the faith with a brace. So, already twice Braugher’s goals for the season. At least the Strongest are in good company; first-year professional Maela Ran gets shelled between the posts for the first time in a chastening afternoon against lowly Bishop, while Stahlburg Rovers smash Alliance 5-0 in what Alliance manager Rachael Schroeder describes, memorably, as a ‘catashitshow’.

In the kind of firefighting role she was born to fulfil, Leigh Fletcher emerges from her couple-year sabbatical to try and save South Laithland… a day after watching from the stands as Brinemouth absolutely take a shambolic, freefalling side to pieces, the likes of Tidesson and Deventer cutting gleefully into the Southrons’ soft underbelly to condemn them to the bottom three after a 4-0 thrashing. Brinemouth haven’t lost yet, and have only conceded seven goals while scoring the most. Crisisbless, two points behind, leave it late to preserve their own unbeaten record in inelegant style, fresh substitute Danica Marinkovic breaking late with pace past an exhausted Starling defence and chipping Smordal first-time. Athletic beat the Chariots in a tense, hard-fought affair where both sides ended on ten men; the Rams overhaul their rivals as a result of Westerveld’s late volley and allow Treason, after edging out Corvistone in a cagey 1-0, to draw level on points. Well behind in goal difference, though; Treason have the best defence in the league, but have scored less than a goal a game. The two Uniteds, Southfell and Crisisbless, surprisingly round out the top seven, but Vermillion, Stahlburg City, Corvistone and the Moths are all within a win.

South Laithland are in good but unexpected company. Chris Waller’s boring-but-competent Rovers edge out Emeka Obasi’s thrilling-but-terrible Parrhesia thanks to an unmarked Custworth header, while a staggeringly dreary scoreless draw between Chatswood and Leichhardt pleases neither side. A neutral would be best advised to skip to the 92nd minute, and Lara Winter’s alarmed shouts as she realises her goalkeeper, unprompted, is going up for the final corner. “Radu? Radu! What the fuck, Radu! No! No!! Fuck!!!” But it comes to nothing, at either end. Brookford’s wingers pick into Cranequin’s wingbacks to prove key to a 3-1 away win and haul them away from danger - they really aren’t as bad as some would have you believe - while a cursory glance of the bottom half sees Starling in 15th. Starling. In 15th.

While there doesn’t appear to be a proper all-conquering Parrhesia United figure this time, the Harriers have certainly done enough to warrant top billing. Peregrine cause some early fears, Dauntless Carrick cropping up again with their fourth goal of the season thus far, but Roxana Coffey restores normality with a swerving run and a decisive finish. Jesus, was she always this good? That sets the tone for what turns out to be a 5-2 win, and Vermillion Wanderers’ 3-0 crushing of Alliance isn’t much less decisive. Mystifyingly, completing the promotion places is Mantlegrove, overtaking Cypher Town after beating them 2-0. Either side of the diamond midfield, converted leftback Ohashima is laying down a claim to being the league’s best holding midfielder, while converted winger Alexandra Lazarou is having the season of her life at 31. Cypher are doing well themselves, though Coretta Rooke is presently outscoring the rest of her team combined.

A four-point gap has already opened up to true safety for the bottom four, though they’ll be hoping that the likes of Alliance Barossia, now comfortable in 14th, drop off as the season goes on. Chardonnay Rangers and Bishop both lose, but have shown plenty. The Strongest, by contrast, have conceded 40 times already; courtesy of Serpentine, three more fly past the beleagured figure of Esther Press, a blameless martyr. Stars were starting to show some signs of recovery, but here are slaughtered 5-0 by Stahlburg. At least some of the old spirit remains, with Ryder and Gannon both being sent off late on. Peregrine are just struggling for quality, while Crisisbless Athletic’s new manager, former Hackett boss Yorick Lee, gets a taster of the task at hand as they’re just outclassed in a 4-1 defeat to Diamondqueen.

Familiar names start to crop up but for the neutral, matches tend to be relevant only when a big side goes down. There’s no absolute trashings this round, though a Morningstar side desperately short of confidence will certainly be pleased to have the opportunity to dumpster the minnows of Long Lake 5-1. Improbably, the two sides named in the Guy’s Noun tradition face off in the game of the round, Gonen’s Bridge thumping Besand’s Folly 6-2 away, while Goodfeather FC smash Stahlburg Rovers 3-0 in a showcase of what happens when only one side is prioritising the league.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               15  12  3   0  40   7  +33  39
  2 Crisisbless              15  11  4   0  37  11  +26  37
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       15  10  2   3  38  20  +18  32
  4 Aries Chariots           15   9  3   3  31  16  +15  30
  5 AFC Treason              15   9  3   3  14   6   +8  30
  6 Southfell United         15   8  3   4  27  20   +7  27
  7 Crisisbless United       15   8  3   4  26  27   -1  27
  8 Vermillion Rage          15   8  2   5  27  19   +8  26
  9 Stahlburg City           15   7  5   3  13  11   +2  26
 10 AFC Corvistone           15   8  1   6  22  18   +4  25
 11 Sabrefell Moths          15   7  4   4  16  17   -1  25
 12 North Laithland          15   5  5   5  14  14   +0  20
 13 Newrook City             15   6  1   8  25  25   +0  19
 14 Coret Hawks              15   5  4   6  20  22   -2  19
 15 Starling                 15   5  3   7  19  26   -7  18
 16 Chenoworth Rovers        15   4  4   7  17  21   -4  16
 17 Belgrave                 15   4  4   7  25  32   -7  16
 18 Creed United             15   4  2   9  21  24   -3  14
 19 Cranequin Wanderers      15   2  6   7  13  24  -11  12
 20 Brookford Otters         15   3  2  10  14  32  -18  11
 21 Chatswood                15   2  4   9  14  27  -13  10
 22 South Laithland          15   3  1  11  15  36  -21  10
 23 Parrhesia United         15   1  4  10  15  35  -20   7
 24 Leichhardt               15   1  3  11   6  19  -13   6

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers        15  11  2  2  33  13  +20  35
  2 Vermillion Wanderers       15  10  3  2  26   8  +18  33
  3 Mantlegrove                15   8  5  2  24  14  +10  29
  4 Cypher Town                15   9  2  4  14  10   +4  29
  5 Stahlburg Rovers           15   8  4  3  24   9  +15  28
  6 Diamondqueen               15   8  3  4  25  10  +15  27
  7 Armstrong                  15   8  3  4  22  15   +7  27
  8 Iron City                  15   7  3  5  24  16   +8  24
  9 AFC Serpentine             15   7  3  5  21  14   +7  24
 10 Raven River                15   6  4  5  28  17  +11  22
 11 North Sabrefell            15   6  4  5  15  13   +2  22
 12 AFC Rochford               15   6  4  5  16  18   -2  22
 13 Corinthians No Longer      15   6  2  7  17  18   -1  20
 14 Alliance Barossia          15   6  2  7  10  20  -10  20
 15 Corvette Maulers           15   4  6  5  17  22   -5  18
 16 Goodfeather FC             15   4  5  6  24  22   +2  17
 17 Barossia United            15   4  5  6  19  25   -6  17
 18 Cranequin City             15   4  4  7  12  17   -5  16
 19 Chardonnay Rangers         15   3  6  6  21  20   +1  15
 20 Bishop                     15   4  3  8  22  28   -6  15
 21 The Strongest              15   3  2 10  17  40  -23  11
 22 Morningstar                15   2  4  9  11  29  -18  10
 23 Peregrine                  15   2  3 10  14  35  -21   9
 24 Crisisbless Athletic       15   1  4 10  11  34  -23   7

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire           15  9  4  2  25  12  +13  31
  2 Gonen's Bridge            15  9  3  3  29  14  +15  30
  3 Locksley                  15  8  5  2  26  12  +14  29
  4 West Brinemouth           15  7  5  3  21  14   +7  26
  5 Autumnstone               15  7  4  4  26  17   +9  25
  6 Hackett                   15  7  4  4  23  18   +5  25
  7 Lazuli Diamonds           15  8  1  6  24  24   +0  25
  8 Dartmouth Terriers        15  6  6  3  25  22   +3  24
  9 Falston United            15  6  6  3  24  22   +2  24
 10 Pillars of Southfell      15  5  8  2  20  12   +8  23
 11 Ritter Town               15  6  4  5  18  17   +1  22
 12 Sheridan                  15  5  6  4  14  11   +3  21
 13 Riverkey                  15  6  3  6  14  14   +0  21
 14 Ballardine FC             15  5  5  5  23  18   +5  20
 15 Greygate                  15  5  5  5  20  20   +0  20
 16 AFC Shale                 15  4  4  7   9  16   -7  16
 17 Crossroads Town           15  4  3  8  13  21   -8  15
 18 Boltcroft Thorns          15  4  2  9  23  30   -7  14
 19 Stonegrave                15  3  5  7  10  17   -7  14
 20 Extreme Hills             15  3  5  7  15  24   -9  14
 21 The Hanged Man            15  4  2  9   9  18   -9  14
 22 Kommissar                 15  3  5  7  16  31  -15  14
 23 Gosmouth Swans            15  2  5  8  19  28   -9  11
 24 Lockheed Zenith           15  1  6  8  10  24  -14   9

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ingram Township              15  12  2  1  26   8  +18  38
  2 Mapleford                    15  11  2  2  38  10  +28  35
  3 Rochford Pilgrims            15  11  1  3  38  23  +15  34
  4 Kensey Town                  15   8  4  3  41  19  +22  28
  5 Southriver                   15   8  3  4  26  15  +11  27
  6 Caldwick Strand              15   9  0  6  25  18   +7  27
  7 Strephonage                  15   7  5  3  20  12   +8  26
  8 New Oakstone Phoenix         15   8  0  7  26  29   -3  24
  9 Sirencall FC                 15   7  2  6  21  28   -7  23
 10 Brindleton                   15   6  4  5  29  20   +9  22
 11 Cranequin Souths             15   6  3  6  30  30   +0  21
 12 Martella Jazz                15   6  2  7  22  19   +3  20
 13 Brokenarch                   15   4  7  4  16  13   +3  19
 14 Constance Park               15   5  4  6  16  19   -3  19
 15 Hartford Glade               15   5  3  7  19  24   -5  18
 16 East Laithland Harriers      15   4  4  7  29  32   -3  16
 17 Crownsend Journey            15   3  7  5  15  21   -6  16
 18 Coret Rovers                 15   4  3  8  16  22   -6  15
 19 Riverkey Shells              15   4  2  9  20  34  -14  14
 20 Rookwall                     15   3  5  7  13  31  -18  14
 21 Fully Sick XI                15   3  4  8  17  27  -10  13
 22 West Hook                    15   2  5  8  12  25  -13  11
 23 Downsparrow                  15   3  2 10  12  29  -17  11
 24 Iberia Chenoworth            15   3  2 10  21  40  -19  11

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Teutons      15  8  4  3  26  15  +11  28
  2 Sutcroft                15  8  3  4  28  18  +10  27
  3 Aspen Grove             15  7  6  2  14   6   +8  27
  4 Creed Rosebud           15  7  5  3  26  18   +8  26
  5 Lindmark Falcons        15  8  2  5  31  28   +3  26
  6 Ringway                 15  7  4  4  24  19   +5  25
  7 Iron United             15  7  3  5  21  19   +2  24
  8 Lindwurm Delta          15  6  5  4  33  22  +11  23
  9 Boleyn Town             15  5  6  4  15  12   +3  21
 10 Grovebank               15  5  5  5  21  19   +2  20
 11 FC Seierstad            15  5  4  6  25  23   +2  19
 12 Fischer                 15  6  1  8  23  29   -6  19
 13 Moxstone Fortune        15  6  1  8  17  23   -6  19
 14 Besand's Folly          15  4  6  5  25  24   +1  18
 15 Rushe United            15  4  5  6  28  22   +6  17
 16 Courser                 15  4  5  6  20  22   -2  17
 17 AFC Feuerweiss          15  4  4  7  17  24   -7  16
 18 AFC Hellerine           15  3  5  7  11  27  -16  14
 19 Sutcroft Athletic       15  3  4  8  12  31  -19  13
 20 Harrington              15  2  4  9  15  31  -16  10

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Northside Eagles          15  11  2  2  34  15  +19  35
  2 South Parrhesia           15  11  0  4  32  16  +16  33
  3 Shimmering Quay           15  10  2  3  36  17  +19  32
  4 Corvistone City           15   8  5  2  25  12  +13  29
  5 Long Lake                 15   8  5  2  20  14   +6  29
  6 Latin Enclave FC          15   7  4  4  21  14   +7  25
  7 AFC Southsands            15   8  1  6  23  20   +3  25
  8 The Travellers FC         15   7  1  7  19  22   -3  22
  9 Brookford Vantablack      15   5  5  5  24  17   +7  20
 10 Brunyard FC               15   5  4  6  19  19   +0  19
 11 Twelvetrees               15   5  4  6  17  19   -2  19
 12 Longwinter                15   5  3  7  19  22   -3  18
 13 Bodkin Road               15   6  0  9  18  24   -6  18
 14 Aries Tigers              15   4  5  6  19  36  -17  17
 15 AFC Burchess              15   5  1  9  18  31  -13  16
 16 Rosary Brinemouth         15   4  3  8  13  22   -9  15
 17 Advance Lazuli            15   4  1 10  18  29  -11  13
 18 Barhara Cavaliers         15   3  4  8  18  29  -11  13
 19 Ox River United           15   2  6  7  14  19   -5  12
 20 AFC Volksgarten           15   2  4  9  17  27  -10  10

by **Nephara** » Tue Sep 15, 2020 4:47 pm

Changes are afoot in the Laith. Leigh Fletcher takes formal charge, immediately seizing the sought-after title of becoming the Premiership’s fattest manager - evidently, she enjoyed her time out of the game - and ripping underperforming elements out of the team. Corren Mueller makes his first Premiership appearance between the posts, 20-year old centre-half Tremeka Seward dislodges cosmic joke Aries Kohler from leftback, Habane is axed for Vyland and Matthias Bergander, who has looked past it this year, is replaced by Ruther, who is in turn during the match replaced by the young poacher Manna Radler. Radler, promptly, poaches the decisive goal in five, sliding in to tap a cross from Forward past the wrong-footed Marietta Briggs, securing a hard-fought win over Creed United. Clinical, too; they only had three shots on target, but all found a way into the net.

Chatswood are lambs to the slaughter in the derby, and fail to get a shot on target as Treason stick their boots on their throats throughout. A little too close to literally, late on; in the 74th minute, Lothaire Cromwell - already with a goal and an assist - completes his, uh, hat-trick by leaving rather too much of an imprint of his studs on Brandon Rivan’s collarbone. It’s already 4-0, though, and Chatswood continue to fail to do anything about it - only an impressive save from Nova Williams denies a late swerving strike from Accardi. Leichhardt win a vital six-pointer against a Brookford side too complacent in possession, whose careless defending gives away a penalty and concedes from a set piece, while the good form of Vermillion Rage and Southfell United kicks on with 2-1 away wins over Brinemouth and Crisisbless respectively to snap their unbeaten records at the same time.

The Dryads’ rampage continues, with Crisisbless Athletic the latest victims of Daniel Archer’s side. Archer is supposedly in the frame for the Coret Hawks job should Feeney get the axe, and you can see why; if he can coax 4-1 thumpings from a side of refurbished products like Arran Marr, he can do anything. Goalkeeper Arneth Kolaghan even gets an assist, a long goalkick being left to bounce over Aljoscha Miller’s head, Kikumi Kondou nipping in under it, taking it past Galloway and blasting a perfect finish past Verlinden. Young Goodfeather striker Bastet North enhances her burgeoning reputation by contributing a second-half hat-trick as the Quakers blast away the Bohemians 5-3. Both sides are badly underperforming thus far, and already talk is shifting to green shoots from the youth like North and Bohemians right wingback Diandra Reeve, who also scores from a run from deep.

While so far it’s looking like a two-horse race at the top, Brinemouth and Crisisbless, Sabrefell Athletic are the nearest challengers, and the recent snapping of the top two’s undefeated records has prompted bold talk of catching up from Tony Dalton. “Next week at the Barbarossa, we’re going to snap the title race wide open,” he announces, and Starling help out with a 1-0 upset over Brinemouth. It’s still a little strange to watch Athletic line up without Oscar Coltrane in the toughest matches, and indeed Coltrane never makes it on the pitch, because by half-time Crisisbless have forced home a 4-0 lead. A weak punch from Tioux is volleyed straight back the way it came for Moira Woakes’ opener before the Eura international sets up Bowman, then Germain, to make it three, and any slim hope of a revival is quashed when Penumbra Till’s cross is clinically sidefooted by Theodore Sigmund into the corner of his own net. Germain and Abylon finish the job in the second half, and the Rams’ faces are left as red as their shirts. They fall to fifth, their goal difference evaporating as the Chariots and Stags race by. The Heelers now sit top.

6-0 is a weirdly popular scoreline this season; Treason hammer Brookford by the same score. Cheney Bittencourt has managed to get the team to click, at last, smashing teams through the centre and making use of the space to pass through aggressively. Kahala Murje’s ability to not only be indomitable at the back but play the ball out comfortably adds a dimension they lacked last season. Nobody this season has managed to get a handle on Southfell markswoman Lyzolda Petrov, except apparently for former Treason defender Konrad Vornander; his ogrish, ‘assertive’ defensive style means Petrov barely gets off a shot, while Coret strikers Basilisk and Saara each hit the target to secure the win. Leichhardt vs. Parrhesia is heading for 0-0 until a horrible deflection in the 81st minute sees a Kubala strike ricochet off Ystrad’s thigh to wrongfoot Laisne, putting the Stargazers up front. Spurred into action, Parrhesia hammers on the door, and an 89th minute thunderbastard from Celustka is followed by an injury-time tap-in for Moisander through a defence in disarray. South Laithland get a valuable win over Chenoworth, Karena Ruther with her first two goals of the season.

On a tense matchday with few goals, the top-of-the-table clash between the Wanderers and Harriers catches most of the attention. The Wanderers have hit the ground running thanks in large part to having, in Isabelle Kruger, perhaps the league’s best striker; even players like Parissis and Bohr who failed last season have clicked back into gear at this level. The Harriers shifted more, and a top-quality striker is all they lack. Here in Vermillion, it’s the Harriers’ tough-tackling, hard-bitten midfield of Stensholt and Seidler that wins the day, Vermillion simply unable to play through them, and their more direct play comes to nothing thanks to sharp, diligent defending. Sven Ascalon and Charybdis Kou both send presentable chances straight into Randwick at the other end, but 86 minutes in, a raking crossfield ball from substitute Timo Blankman hits Roxana Coffey’s boot perfectly in flight. One touch to kill, one to surge inside of Parissis and one to curl a deft finish around Randwick to clinch the game.

Crisisbless United and the Chariots have both kicked on remarkably from midtable obscurity this season, and coincidentally have the only two Schottic managers in the league. Both Tim Maitfield and Grey Holden are still young men by managerial standards, in their late 40s with a decade at least still in the tank; these jobs are unlikely to be their last, or highest-placed. Today, however, the narrative of two equal sides in the same situation melts upon first contact with the match. Two minutes in, Senninger plucks a Ronayne cross out of the air, hurls a fast release down the right to Fiora Anders, who feeds Ihazintzu Malkorra on what turns into a bombarding run half the length of the pitch culminating in dummying Dreider, feinting out Lazareva as if he was going to feed Walsh and driving the ball into the unguarded net, a half-second before Alex Coles overenthusiastically cleans him out. The Chariots don’t look back, dominating the rest of the first half - though Lazareva twice saves United from going behind further - then finding their finishing touch with three goals in the second half, two assists and a goal by Rowena Sierra, a talisman again after a couple of rough seasons. There’s a sense that the Chariots are getting back to where they belong.

Leigh Fletcher’s impact on South Laithland has been immediate. They’re unshowy against Cranequin Wanderers, who dominate possession, but the Southrons just absorb everything thrown at them. This is thanks in no small part to 21-year old goalkeeper Nadine Cirjak, who makes a sequence of impressive saves in her Premiership debut, but even so, Kurtis Conrad’s late cross is nodded down powerfully by a stooping Riise. Szarbach can only tip it onto the inside of the post, and it rolls just inside. Fletcher’s record is now a perfect three wins from three. Starling show some signs of recovery by dumpstering Creed 3-0, while Corvistone massacre North Laithland with four unanswered in the first half. Belgrave overcome a 2-0 half-time deficit to beat Leichhardt, though with the help of a contentious penalty and a contentious offside chalking off what looked to be Klempner’s equaliser at the depth. “Aren’t big clubs meant to get the bias?” laments manager Lara Winter. “Belgrave are nothing.”

Goodfeather’s scoreless draw with Cranequin City is not only a dull affair bogged down in packed midfields, but features two missed penalties. Both can come down to Terracotta Army keeper Fyona Matthews. In the first half, to her credit, she saves the penalty she gave away by absolutely cleaning out Tremeka Godwin in search of Lorzer’s long ball; the strike is weak, too close to the centre, and confidently beaten away. Maybe she thinks she’s lucky, since when a penalty is won at the other end she sprints out and tries to wrest it off Willow Creek, insisting she should take it. Creek wins out, thanks to Heron Paara gently hauling Matthews away by the collar, but is perhaps unnerved and blasts it over. “Fyona giveth,” says a philosophical City manager, Sigrid Cooper, “and Fyona taketh away.” Cooper was a mercurial, unreliable goalkeeper herself in her playing days; it’s little surprise she can relate. Peregrine add to North Sabrefell’s woes, Athletic pick up rare and vital points in Barossia while the Harriers run aground against CNL.

One of the league’s most confusing new rivalries comes to, appropriately, a head. Close to the start of the season, for reasons unclear, Vermillion leftback Nike Rouphos tagged into the #BRICRW match hashtag with the cryptic contribution ‘egg’. The reasons soon became clear; every matchday that followed, Rouphos’ account posted the juxtaposition of Cranequin target man Constantine Koellner’s bald head and a stock photo of an egg. Well, now Vermillion and Cranequin face off, and here’s the thing: Rouphos is very small. Koellner is built like a fridge. The first half is mostly without incident, including at either goalmouth, but when Rouphos somehow manages her routine egg comparison at half-time (though this post sees the debut of an exclamation mark, for some reason) Koellner comes out of the tunnel and, 49 minutes in, manages a rather… enthusiastic shoulder-charge to win the ball off Rouphos, sending the miniscule leftback careening into the hoardings and causing a pitchside brawl. Judging by the referee being overheard to say “Marshall, you will apologise for calling him a bald cunt or you’re off,” Rouphos had supporters on her team. Less importantly, Mrdja nips in to score the only goal of the game in the 77th minute.

Chatswood score their first goal in six games against North Laithland, a desperate scramble from a corner smashed in on the goalline by Ozolx-Alfan in the third minute. They defend it fiercely, but inadequately; the Spiders are just too quick and too clever in midfield, Catherine Sedgwick smirking as Rika Lundell takes the ball past Vishca, Bischoff and the floundering Heidt before blazing a perfect strike past Williams. It takes until the 76th minute for Jewell Foley to finish the job, but it felt inevitable. Treason have been efficient but goalshy throughout the season, until recently. Belgrave frustrate the Stags for half an hour before a rash challenge from Steward receives a perhaps harsh red, and the Gargoyles’ structure collapses completely as a result. It’s 5-0 by the end, Idai Uster rampant with a hat-trick. The Chariots and Heelers cancel each other out in a tight-fought contest, while at the other end of the table Leichhardt and South Laithland arrive at the same 1-1 result, one with both sides showing plenty of heart but no killer edge.

Archermania is reaching fever pitch; could the former journeyman player really take the Dryads to the Premiership? He commits his future to the club for the season after a near-inexplicable victory. Eight minutes in, Diamondqueen lead 1-0, a clever free kick from Bowman driven underneath a jumping wall. A strong side, leading at home in Sabrefell. And then Mantlegrove roll them for two goals on the edge of half-time, then three in the second half to properly rout the enemy. Chardonnay’s resurgence continues with an easy 3-0 win over Goodfeather, Sylvia Wright again dragging them forward and a penalty save from Lindt helping them on the way, while Stars win a vital six-pointer against Crisisbless Athletic, Sandro Quintal’s nous helping him nip past Young and drive a perfect finish past Verlinden’s near post.

The Third Round, as usual, presents a great opportunity for sides currently having the crap kicked out of them to play God for a day. Brookford Otters, for example, get to beat the tar out of Aries Solitaire, a side currently thick in the fight to win the third-tier title but who probably wouldn’t, combined, retail the same as Exene Fletcher on her own. Fletcher, incidentally, scores three and assists two in a virtuoso performance from the starlet. 9-2 is the final score; at least Kunigunde Almerich gets a goal, and how is she already 34? Similarly, Morningstar have been godawful all season but players of the quality of Quintal and Rosenstiel rarely get the opportunity to stick the boot into the likes of Kensey Town; 19 shots, six goals, Catra Paderborn doesn’t have a single save to make. And then you have… the other end. You have, for instance, a second-string Rams side almost crashing out to Greygate, having to call on Thibault Benezet to come off the bench and bail them out in extra time. You have Treason stuttering to a mere 2-1 win over third-tier stragglers Extreme Hills… most damningly, you have Starling losing to Autumnstone, and it isn’t even close! Evander Trueman gets on the end of Hephernan’s cross and lashes home the first goal eight minutes in, and while that was against the run of play, Sunderland’s 76th-minute clincher is not. North Laithland come out worse in a marathon penalty shootout against Gosmouth Swans, Cranequin Wanderers are somehow taken to extra time by fourth-tier Hartford Glade while there is, improbably, a Valeside derby between hated rivals Leichhardt and Corvette that is, on the balance, arguably the match of the round. Leichhardt take advantage of Corvette squandering early chances to enter the break 2-0 up, before the Maulers fight back to force it to extra time but then seem to run out of steam, Emil Klempner beasting Seraph and Mastiff, crashing between them and smashing a desperate blow past Marisnick. Brinemouth (!), Stahlburg City, Parrhesia United and Chenoworth Rovers all succumb to fellow Premiership opponents.

North Laithland deserve a moment in the spotlight, and earn one through a 5-1 slaughter in Brookford. They haven’t been amazing. This result takes them from 14th to 14th. But having had their side abruptly disassembled over the window, the replacements have bedded in strongly and Catherine Sedgwick’s new, slower, more technical vision from the side has kept them afloat. The plan is fairly unapologetically to make the most of young marquee signing Rika Lundell, and two goals and an assist against an admittedly accommodating Brookford suggest it’s working. Already, there’s word of interest from Vermillion and Stahlburg, though would either represent a concrete upward step? And the ennui of the season has allowed young guns like 19-year old rightback Bram Levin, who has a strong 90 minutes here, to push for time. There’s a project blooming, here.

Chatswood’s fifth straight defeat - and more damningly, seventeenth winless game - is the end for Brandon Laithstrider, marking a third straight season of sacking their manager in the first half. But with results like these, have they honestly left it too late? Lyn Havelock is the unorthodox replacement, she of the miracle season for Ballardine FC last year. At 53, she’s never managed at even First Division level. Vermillion beat Leichhardt 4-0, and mercurial Stargazers keeper Radu Bartok doesn’t help matters by fracturing his foot kicking the post in frustration. Koellner’s eerily smooth pate helps Cranequin to a comeback draw against an out-of-sorts Starling, his brace of headers after half-time snatching a point. Rouphos makes another egg tweet. The rivalry goes on.

Sometimes a side just sees a weakness and hits it. An injury crisis at rightback for Cypher Town sees them scrape up 17-year old centre-half Chelsi Ponder from the reserves, who sets a record for the highest squad number in 1Div history by wearing 52. Unfortunately, while Ponder is considered likely to make the grade at the club, she’s matched against Granit Nizarut, who just helped the Otters to promotion and here helps the Strongest to victory, all three of their goals coming from beating Ponder for power and nous and smacking in crosses to Rotariu, Sunstroem and Korchnoi. The sectarian derby in Crisisbless is won by Bishop, Catholics conquering Protestants as Leskosek pounces on a defensive error from Natalia Bismarck to smash home the game’s only goal.

   Group B                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	BNJ	AUD	VLD	NPH
1  Istria City FC       	BNJ   6  4  1  1   9   4   5  13  	- 	2-1	1-0	3-0
2  AC Izotz Zubia       	AUD   6  3  1  2   8   6   2  10 	0-0 	- 	1-0	4-2
3  Fontvielle Impact    	VLD   6  2  1  3   6   6   0   7 	3-1	1-2 	- 	1-1
4  Brinemouth           	NPH   6  1  1  4   4  11  -7   4 	0-2	1-0	0-1 	-

   Group C                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	EUR	VIL	NPH	ETN
1  Directus             	EUR   6  5  1  0  13   2  11  16  	- 	4-1	2-0	1-0
2  Jungle Strike FC     	VIL   6  2  1  3  12  12   0   7 *   0-3 	- 	1-2	3-1
3  Crisisbless          	NPH   6  2  1  3   7  13  -6   7 *   0-0	0-5 	- 	2-1
4  South Saints         	ETN   6  1  1  4   9  14  -5   4 	1-3	2-2	4-3 	-
*  Tie broken by head to head goal difference

   Group F                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	QUS	NPH	CRY	EFL
1  KFQ Qavazujzy        	QUS   6  3  2  1  10   7   3  11  	- 	1-2	1-1	1-1
2  AFC Treason          	NPH   6  3  0  3   8  10  -2   9 	0-2 	- 	0-3	1-2
3  Crystal Fair HC      	CRY   6  2  2  2  10   7   3   8 	2-3	1-2 	- 	0-0
4  RGS Athletic         	EFL   6  1  2  3   6  10  -4   5 	1-2	1-3	1-3 	-

Disappointing results all ‘round, especially for Brinemouth, who win just a single match in an admittedly stacked group. Crisisbless, too, are squeezed out by Directus and Strike - no shame in that, per se, but come on. A 5-0 defeat at home to Strike is a humiliation, while losing in Ethane is the difference between going through and not. Treason are the only side to progress, even then in bizarre circumstances, losing every home game in a relatively soft group. In fact, the entire group doesn’t see a single home win.

   Group B                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	SSt	TRk	SfA	Hrn
1  Southern Star        	BRE   6  4  1  1  10   9   1  13  	- 	1-4	1-0	1-1
2  Trimidau Rukiya      	PFA   6  3  1  2   8   5   3  10 	1-2 	- 	1-1	0-1  
3  Sabrefell Athletic   	NPH   6  2  1  3  11  10   1   7 	2-3	0-1 	- 	4-2
4  KFQ Hronork          	QUS   6  1  1  4   7  12  -5   4 	1-2	0-1	2-4 	-

   Group F                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	Cvs	NHa	RDp	BsU
1  AFC Corvistone       	NPH   6  4  1  1  11   3   8  13  	- 	2-0	1-0	3-0
2  North Hall           	BRE   6  4  0  2  11   9   2  12 	1-4 	- 	2-0	3-1  
3  Royal Daulapura      	ERM   6  1  2  3   7  10  -3   5 	1-1	2-3 	- 	2-1
4  Birdingstone United  	ETN   6  1  1  4   5  12  -7   4 	1-0	0-2	2-2 	-

At least Corvistone have taken well to IFCF competition, sweeping the board at home without conceding and finishing at the top. The Rams, by contrast, flunk out - even conceding a 87th-minute winner against Southern Star to their own homegrown defender, Gareth Krane.

The Stags come to spoil. Yenvil are happy to oblige, and it’s heading for a happy scoreless draw until Emmit Markain’s fierce downward header in the 85th minute flips it on its head. “It’s fine,” Cheney Bittencourt lies breezily. It’s really not!

A top of the table clash floats around, Crisisbless hosting a Brinemouth side three points above. Neither side looks as indomitable as they did, well, a few weeks ago before either had actually lost a game, but they still feel like the obvious title contenders. The first half is cagey. Precise. … Dull. But the only shot on target creeps in, Ryan Bull floundering in search of countryman Bowman’s corner, Mortola Teffeteller outmuscling Brosch to drive home a powerful standing header. The Heelers look well-positioned to defend it, at first, until Abylon gets a little too careless with possession in the middle, has the ball nipped off her by rue Cazade and overzealously snaps in on his ankles. Rue Cazade limps off, Abylon controversially gets away with a caution, and there is perhaps a touch of a makeup call when Deventer goes down at a hint of contact from fellow Cormorant Longship, giving Brinemouth a lifeline through a penalty Desya Kuznetsov drives home with his first touch off the bench. The punchline is that Maia Abylon winds up getting a second caution in injury time anyway. The indomitable Stags make short work of Vermillion Rage, first-half strikes from Uster - who has absolutely caught fire - and Mikkel Jonsson securing victory, and they overtake Crisisbless as a result.

Starling finally clamber back into the top half of the table, the only team to score three goals this week in a sort-of derby with Leichhardt. It’s an easy 3-0 dismissal, one that aptly intensifies calls for Lara Winter’s dismissal in the opposing dugout. Cranequin Wanderers can look upon this week with conflicting feelings. They manage a hugely impressive, resilient scoreless draw in Southfell, Lyzolda Petrov frustrated in front of goal, Kay Szarbach with a couple of truly spectacular saves, Declan Mason underlining his value as arguably the best holding midfielder in the bottom half of the table… but then, behind them, Parrhesia gut out their own hugely impressive away result, a 1-0 win in Lindmark cutting the gap between 20th and 21st to three points. Lyn Havelock’s first game in charge sees Chatswood look resilient against Corvistone, but a 33rd-minute solo goal from Rachel Arniston is still enough to sink them.

As the second strike from Tamika Porter, the inferior of the Porter sisters, blazes past an unsighted Volland to put the Bohemians 4-2 down at home, Mezei Orban almost seems to know it’s the end; one point in four games has done for him. His vision for the club was undeniable, but a constant disagreement between his vision and actual results did for him. The club are 14th, just five points above the drop. Much of the coaching staff departs with him; likely doomed to midtable, the Bohemians appoint former goalkeeper Lukas Sparr from the U21s. Chardonnay slam Peregrine 6-2, Athletic somehow smash four unanswered goals past the Strongest and Barossia United winger Kieron Serduchka slaps a casual, almost dismissive volley past Ruo to secure the only goal of the game in Cypher, a goal-of-the-season contender in an otherwise drab affair.

Yenvil Town come to spoil; this time, Treason do not oblige them. It’s time for Mikkel Jonsson to come out of the sheds, dust off the cobwebs and flick two dainty assists to the probing force of Idai Uster, who lashes home two magnificent low finishes past de Garata. Accardi finishes the job late in the second half. Banana skin: negotiated.

Two resurgent sides clash. South Laithland have raced out of harm’s way since Leigh Fletcher’s arrival, the new manager proving a round (even rotund) peg for a round hole, while Sabrefell Moths, not exactly renowned for their defensive stability, are on a run of five straight clean sheets. Kateryna Zuniga, who took a while to get accustomed to professional pace, has made the difference of late as the midfield water-carrier, but she can actually do more than that. As she takes just seven minutes to demonstrate, elegantly stopping Dionne in his tracks, dipping the shoulder and driving a high, arcing strike more than 30 yards to crash past a desperate, clawing Cirjak. South Laithland fight back quickly - Ruther’s beaten in the air by Brabanzon, and Dionne’s volley on the rebounding header takes an impressive save from Markgraf to deny, and Aron Riise misses a sitter put on a plate by Forward before Forward goes it alone and smashes into the side netting. For a moment, the Southrons are in resurgence… and then an attack is broken down by Shone, shuttled to Belgrade and finished by Morgenstern in the 40th minute, and the Moths don’t look back, Jabelon nodding home a corner late on to make it three. Alexandra Markgraf’s string of clean sheets extends to six.

There is no such defensive stability at the home of Adalheid Metzelder’s old club, Belgrave. Rika Lundell has a fine old time for the Spiders picking out pass after pass over the top of an overstretched defence; when Foley strikes first on the break, Belgrave are condemned to spend eternity failing to get the ball in midfield and continuing to overstretch in attack. At least for the first half, but the first half ends 5-1; second-half strikes for Steward and Sontag are immaterial. Treason outlast Starling, keeping them comfortably at bay all match. Sean Smordal very nearly keeps the scores level alone, and the only person who can beat him is centre-half Gabriel Lockheed, slamming home McInnes’ corner. Babatunde Warrington endears himself to the locals in Brookford by following up a brace of finely-taken finishes with calling the place a “pissant town” in the press conference, while Coret’s own mercurial striker scores the only goal of an upset victory against Brinemouth only to get a second yellow for celebrating by openly taunting the home crowd; they’re deeply indebted to Raluca Garamond for bailing them out at the other end.

Riven by injuries and dressing-room discord, Stars are flattened 5-1 by Diamondqueen. 5-0 by the end of the first half, and Serra Chilton doesn’t actually come out for the second half. A dramatic press conference sees her with a bandage around her fist, shaking quietly with anger and, prompted to talk tactics, unleashing a burst of vitriol about how Stars are cursed, how there is no hope in the club, how the atmosphere is toxic, how her players are useless, how… anyway, she’s fired precisely twelve minutes afterwards. Warren Orwell, who has experience at this level with Rochford and has been one of the more impressive managers in 2Div with THM, takes charge. Stahlburg Rovers impale themselves on a 3-0 half-time lead, contriving to lose to Chardonnay 4-3 in controversial circumstances, 91st- and 94th-minute penalties going against them and well-converted.

At the halfway mark of the season, there is a three-way tie at the top. Crisisbless look to be slipping from the summit against a resilient, 10-man Chenoworth Rovers, but the mother of all headers sees Maia Abylon send Corridan’s goal-kick right back the way it came, Giannakos doesn’t deal with it and Marinkovic takes full advantage, before sliding home a decider with the last kick of the game. That final goal keeps Crisisbless top on goals scored after Brinemouth match that result against the Chariots, who are now five points adrift. But momentum is with the Stags. Over the past eight games, Treason have scored 23 goals and conceded none, winning every single one. Who can stop them? Lyzolda Petrov can stop them. Southfell have fallen a little away of late, but Petrov has scored eighteen of their 37 goals following a towering header tonight that loops over the tragically short and Audioslavian goalkeeper Clavel and saves a barely-warranted point. The rest of the top seven looks more conventional, with the big Sabrefell sides and Corvistone rounding out the ChC slots.

Stahlburg City and Starling are conspicuously absent from the picture, the latter hauling back the former with a Dostalok penalty in a frankly rather sad 1-0. Closer to the drop, anyone from Belgrave down could still go down, but there’s seven sides behind the line of getting a point per game. With the bottom sides - well, not Chatswood - picking up points, there’s some urgency in the ranks above, Creed very happy to take the points and a clean sheet away from Coret. The Oathmen haven’t had the sharpest defence this season, but Briggs, always a confidence stopper, should take heart from six fine saves. Draw-happy Cranequin chalk up yet another against Newrook City, salvaged late by a rare goal from Declan Mason, very much their star this season. But Brookford still narrow the gap to three points, after Linoan Waters proves the star of the show against a flat Chatswood, and Parrhesia are just a point further behind. Chatswood remain nailed to the bottom, with Leichhardt picking up a surprising point against the Rams. Lara Winter was still unhappy with the defensive effort, and pressure is mounting, but the old girl’s got fight in her yet.

Rudi Schubert’s Chardonnay Rangers have improved markedly since their terrible start to the season, but they’re still played off the park by Vermillion Wanderers’ blend of midfield technique (exemplified by the cool-headed veteran Irsa Croxteth) and brute force (exemplified by lone striker Isabelle Kruger, who nets her 12th and 13th of the season to complete the 2-0 win). The Harriers, meanwhile, retain everything but a killing edge; that costs them in a 1-1 draw with Diamondqueen. Who have much the same problem, themselves; it could’ve been 3-3 or 4-4, easily. They now sit 2nd and 4th, with Mantlegrove - Mantlegrove? - consolidating their position in 3rd, Kikumi Kondou and Alexandra Lazarou - the latter probably the standout player of the season - striking in a breezy 2-0 win over bottom-feeders Morningstar.

Chasms are already beginning to split things at the bottom of the table; Bishop, despite dire predictions before the season, pull five points away from the bottom six when their defensive resilience is rewarded by a late brace from Esteve Soler that sees them past a flat Stahlburg side, as none of the teams below them win. Only Crisisbless Athletic so much as draws, and while a point from the Bohemians is a fine enough result it still leaves them well adrift at the bottom. Alliance, Cranequin and Peregrine are split by a point, fighting to avoid 21st; Peregrine are six points above the Strongest, a point above Athletic, who are a point above the imploding Stars.

After the first three bloated rounds have been winnowed away, the Fourth Round always looks oddly slim. Brookford go from scoring nine goals in 90 minutes to zero in 120, and go on to miss a penalty besides in the shootout. Nadine Cirjak began the season as South Laithland’s third-choice goalkeeper, but has taken her chances in league and now Cup fixtures, making a sequence of splendid saves to keep a clean sheet over 120 minutes; Konstantin Vyland strikes at the other end to sink an overstretched Corvistone late. Coret Hawks are blessed with three excellent strikers in Basilisk, Saara and Corvalan. They are also dubiously blessed with Eloisa Caldwell and Alyce Nicolau, warm bodies who labour up front in an eventual 1-0 win over third-tier Gonen’s Bridge, a decisive header from rightback Florin Silversmith required to put them away. Lienke Vesper’s Chenoworth Harriers offer up a statement of intent, taking the game to Southfell United in an attractively technical affair. Donato Girardi shows how he’s grown with a mazy run leading to a grass-cutter past Spyrakis, and Roxana Coffey draws a creditable penalty shout that’s waved away while Kou on the other wing hits the crossbar. But Southfell start to fight back in the last half-hour, and the Harriers tire, their profligacy biting them. Forestier blazes through Kite to drive home the leveller, then sets up Roxi Pryce’s first goal of the season to reward a long, late run from midfield. Lively Peregrine overcome the Wanderers with a young, fresh outfit, marshalled expertly by the 35-year old veteran playmaker Anise Riske. Declan Mason has played every minute of every game in the league thus far; he leaves a chasm too great for Vasya Kravec to make up for, as the Audioslavian journeyman can’t get a handle on Riske, who sets up second-half assists for Luthier and Carrick to steer the Falconers to victory. Treason bring out the youth and get stunned by lowly Gosmouth Swans; they’ve conceded just seven league goals all season, but Loris Aldous ships four tonight. Hawke Ziegenhorn, the fallen wonderkid from Ceni, comes away with a hat-trick, while deft midfielder Amanda Bader comes away with the plaudits. The Chariots beat the Heelers on penalties, the profligate Moths eventually stumble past a second-string Chatswood, while Newrook beat Vermillion through a spectacular Storrev volley that leaves goalkeeper Fiona Hartnett stumbling back onto her rear.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              23  15  7   1  56  19  +37  52
  2 Brinemouth               23  16  4   3  50  13  +37  52
  3 AFC Treason              23  16  4   3  37   7  +30  52
  4 Aries Chariots           23  14  5   4  47  25  +22  47
  5 Sabrefell Athletic       23  13  5   5  49  35  +14  44
  6 Sabrefell Moths          23  12  7   4  30  19  +11  43
  7 AFC Corvistone           23  13  2   8  34  23  +11  41
  8 Crisisbless United       23  12  5   6  35  36   -1  41
  9 Southfell United         23  11  6   6  37  28   +9  39
 10 Vermillion Rage          23  11  4   8  37  28   +9  37
 11 Stahlburg City           23   9  8   6  20  19   +1  35
 12 Starling                 23  10  4   9  32  32   +0  34
 13 North Laithland          23   9  5   9  31  30   +1  32
 14 Coret Hawks              23   8  7   8  28  29   -1  31
 15 Belgrave                 23   7  4  12  36  51  -15  25
 16 Newrook City             23   6  6  11  30  35   -5  24
 17 South Laithland          23   7  2  14  25  47  -22  23
 18 Chenoworth Rovers        23   6  4  13  26  34   -8  22
 19 Creed United             23   6  3  14  30  41  -11  21
 20 Cranequin Wanderers      23   3 10  10  23  36  -13  19
 21 Brookford Otters         23   4  4  15  19  50  -31  16
 22 Parrhesia United         23   3  6  14  21  48  -27  15
 23 Leichhardt               23   2  6  15  17  37  -20  12
 24 Chatswood                23   2  4  17  16  44  -28  10

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Wanderers       23  15  5   3  39  13  +26  50
  2 Chenoworth Harriers        23  14  5   4  42  20  +22  47
  3 Mantlegrove                23  13  5   5  40  23  +17  44
  4 Diamondqueen               23  12  5   6  39  20  +19  41
  5 Cypher Town                23  13  2   8  23  19   +4  41
  6 Raven River                23  11  7   5  41  25  +16  40
  7 Iron City                  23  12  4   7  32  20  +12  40
  8 Stahlburg Rovers           23  11  6   6  35  18  +17  39
  9 Armstrong                  23  11  4   8  30  24   +6  37
 10 Corinthians No Longer      23  11  4   8  31  28   +3  37
 11 Corvette Maulers           23   8  8   7  32  31   +1  32
 12 Chardonnay Rangers         23   8  7   8  38  30   +8  31
 13 Goodfeather FC             23   8  6   9  40  36   +4  30
 14 North Sabrefell            23   8  6   9  26  29   -3  30
 15 Barossia United            23   7  8   8  29  34   -5  29
 16 AFC Rochford               23   8  5  10  23  29   -6  29
 17 AFC Serpentine             23   8  4  11  28  28   +0  28
 18 Bishop                     23   7  7   9  31  35   -4  28
 19 Alliance Barossia          23   7  2  14  12  28  -16  23
 20 Cranequin City             23   5  7  11  17  27  -10  22
 21 Peregrine                  23   6  4  13  30  53  -23  22
 22 The Strongest              23   4  4  15  25  59  -34  16
 23 Crisisbless Athletic       23   3  6  14  20  45  -25  15
 24 Morningstar                23   3  5  15  17  46  -29  14

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire           23  15   5   3  50  17  +33  50
  2 Gonen's Bridge            23  15   3   5  48  26  +22  48
  3 Locksley                  23  12   7   4  47  26  +21  43
  4 West Brinemouth           23  12   6   5  30  18  +12  42
  5 Riverkey                  23  12   5   6  25  17   +8  41
  6 Greygate                  23  11   7   5  38  24  +14  40
  7 Autumnstone               23  11   6   6  35  26   +9  39
  8 Hackett                   23  10   6   7  34  26   +8  36
  9 Falston United            23   9   9   5  34  30   +4  36
 10 Pillars of Southfell      23   8  11   4  29  20   +9  35
 11 Dartmouth Terriers        23   9   8   6  36  31   +5  35
 12 Ritter Town               23   9   6   8  28  29   -1  33
 13 Sheridan                  23   8   8   7  23  21   +2  32
 14 Ballardine FC             23   8   7   8  32  32   +0  31
 15 Boltcroft Thorns          23   8   3  12  39  45   -6  27
 16 Extreme Hills             23   7   6  10  31  38   -7  27
 17 Lazuli Diamonds           23   8   2  13  32  47  -15  26
 18 Stonegrave                23   6   6  11  17  26   -9  24
 19 The Hanged Man            23   6   4  13  12  26  -14  22
 20 Kommissar                 23   5   6  12  24  50  -26  21
 21 Gosmouth Swans            23   4   8  11  28  38  -10  20
 22 AFC Shale                 23   4   7  12  14  27  -13  19
 23 Crossroads Town           23   4   3  16  16  37  -21  15
 24 Lockheed Zenith           23   1   9  13  16  41  -25  12

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ingram Township              23  17  4   2  38  13  +25  55
  2 Mapleford                    23  16  3   4  53  18  +35  51
  3 Rochford Pilgrims            23  16  3   4  55  32  +23  51
  4 Kensey Town                  23  12  6   5  59  31  +28  42
  5 Southriver                   23  12  4   7  42  28  +14  40
  6 Strephonage                  23  11  7   5  29  18  +11  40
  7 Caldwick Strand              23  13  1   9  37  29   +8  40
  8 Cranequin Souths             23  11  5   7  40  33   +7  38
  9 New Oakstone Phoenix         23  11  5   7  38  35   +3  38
 10 Brindleton                   23  10  6   7  36  24  +12  36
 11 Martella Jazz                23   8  6   9  34  30   +4  30
 12 Sirencall FC                 23   8  5  10  31  45  -14  29
 13 Crownsend Journey            23   6 10   7  26  31   -5  28
 14 Brokenarch                   23   6  9   8  27  24   +3  27
 15 Coret Rovers                 23   7  6  10  26  29   -3  27
 16 Hartford Glade               23   7  6  10  34  41   -7  27
 17 East Laithland Harriers      23   7  5  11  44  47   -3  26
 18 Constance Park               23   6  5  12  23  33  -10  23
 19 Riverkey Shells              23   6  5  12  36  51  -15  23
 20 Fully Sick XI                23   6  4  13  28  45  -17  22
 21 West Hook                    23   5  6  12  18  35  -17  21
 22 Downsparrow                  23   6  3  14  26  49  -23  21
 23 Rookwall                     23   3  7  13  16  42  -26  16
 24 Iberia Chenoworth            23   4  3  16  29  62  -33  15

by **Nephara** » Mon Sep 21, 2020 5:00 am

When things go wrong, do you stick or do you twist? Chatswood twisted, and that’s why Lyn Havelock, mid-50s with zero 1Div experience, enters her fourth Premiership match basically on the back of one magnificent season for Ballardine. Tipped for relegation, she lifted them to fourth. She will not lift Chatswood to fourth. Parrhesia stuck. This is thanks in large part to the fact that Emeka Obasi, whose suit burns brighter and more terrible than the Sun, did kind of help them to the greatest 1Div season in history. But they’ve undoubtedly underperformed all season. They need to gut out wins. They don’t need rare rainfall. Chatswood have great fun sliding around the park, shoving people, hurting them. What Chatswood lack is a player who can actually dig them out of the trouble, though they certainly try; Ivana Henderson, free of her marker, tries to dig out a cross from Rustu but kicks it into her standing leg, then punches herself in the thigh. Elsebeth Celustka shows no such hesitation, all class with a single moment of cool-headed brilliance, latching onto a goal-kick from Laisne and scorpion-kicking it casually over the clunking Bischoff, hustling into the free space behind her, chesting down the ball in flight, looking up and going for it, arcing an elegant strike into the top corner, Williams without a hope in hell. Even after that near-perfect goal, Celustka’s resting bitch face remains. Still, hopefully she can be happy with the three points.

Cranequin Wanderers might just be becoming a bogey team for Crisisbless; the scars of that final-day defeat still burn. Today follows a turn of events familiar to any Football Manager player, a fine finish from Marinkovic setting the Heelers up to cruise, former Crisisbless goalkeeper Kay Szarbach making eight sharp saves, the Heelers taking their foot off the gas in the second half and then being burned by Grant Carlin heading home his first Premiership goal from a corner. Brinemouth lose late to Creed United, who never give up hope of victory on home soil. Retta Conrad could have taken the ball into the corner and waited it out but instead swings in a peach of a cross that Scott Burgess, exhausted, hurls himself onto the end of with a diving header that beats Bull to take the points. Burgess doesn’t actually manage to stand up to celebrate after a thankless day up front. And this means that when Treason strike late to bury Athletic, Lothaire Cromwell with two near-identical goals (run from deep, find a cutback from wide, drive low into the bottom corner), the Stags top the table at last.

Vermillion Wanderers continue to cruise it at the top, showing Bishop a really miserable time. Everything Bishop can do, the Wanderers do better; they’re beaten on the ground, in the air, for pace and for effort, and a 4-0 scoreline is kept down by the goalkeeping of Strom. Cranequin City manage a shock win in Cypher, who get chances but can’t convert. It’s one of those days for CIty stopper Fyona Matthews, a mercurial figure who starts to laugh with every successive save and admits towards the end she felt like nothing would get past her; at the other end, a towering header from Paara seals the points. The Harriers fend off Mantlegrove, while Corvette’s glass jaw shows with two frankly spectacular own goals to let Barossia United back into a draw.

Given the extreme fixture congestion, this is a relatively natural time to let young guns like Felix Sebastian, Pavel Lockhart and, uh, 32-year old birthday girl Roanne Fairfax start. It’s Fairfax who gets the goal, skimming a free kick just under the crossbar in an uninspired performance.

A resilient showing in Darmen, a single moment of inspiration from Mikkel Jonsson, and a penalty save at the other end courtesy of Angel Clavel. A clerkly showing from the Stags.

The Moths and Tanners have hovered around roughly the same area of the table, flitting around the lower reaches of the IFCF. This is a great season for one, but not the other. Still, Adalheid Metzelder inevitably believes she’ll turn it around - “You haven’t forgotten I’m a prodigy, right?” she reminds the press before the game - and is annoyingly vindicated just three minutes in when Shiloh Morgenstern spins past Bowyer and lashes a strike past Ursula Gavaris’ near post, shaving her cheek on the way in. Southfell do what they do; they press forward, charge-- and just twenty-seven seconds after kickoff, Nagy’s been flattened by Shone, Zuniga’s hooked an inch-perfect long ball over the top for young winger Nasir Majerle to lash home his first Premiership goal. Southfell pick themselves up and lose possession almost immediately from kick-off again, Majerle eagerly blindsiding Anselm, leading to a Bruun assist for Turner. 3-0 up by the eight-minute mark, and while things calm down from there the Moths canter to a 5-1 win.

Brookford and Parrhesia each have a lot of pace and a lot of flair and not a lot of actual goals. The Saints are denied sharply by Damir Wright, the former Treason goalkeeper, a handful of times - actually, pretty much only Esmeralda Zanzala is, the former Apox international who has struggled to hit the ground running this season. But she eventually does get through, played through on goal by Celustka. Her first shot is blocked yet again, but she traps the rebound and simply races around the exposed goalkeeper, dragging the only goal of the game into the empty net. For the first time, the Saints are out of the bottom four. Belgrave chalk up a big win of their own, coming back from a 2-1 half-time deficit to canter to a win over Chatswood that’s comfortable by the end. Andrea Prentice, considered a luxury player for Chatswood in the off-season, gets a goal and two assists against her former club. Stahlburg City overcome the Rams thanks to their inability to defend set pieces, while Marietta Briggs plays spoiler against former club Aries Chariots in Creed’s 2-1 away win with just 32% possession and, for the last 15 minutes, ten men.

Another vital win at the bottom for Cranequin City. Not exactly the most prolific outfit, but Sasha Wheaton turns on the style with two brilliant solo efforts, hair whipping in the wind as she turns past Athletic’s hapless midfielders and defenders, a fine low drive and a deft chip over Verlinden to give City an insurmountable lead. There’s shoots of recovery in North Sabrefell; first Raven River, now Corvette Maulers are taken down by multiple goals without conceding, as Lukas Sparr re-organises the squad into a solid 4-2-3-1. “There’s a few square pegs still in round holes,” he admits. “Some pruning to be done in the off-season.” Ominous for some, but Mytti Numenen’s thrived up front.

Felix Sebastian shows what he’s capable of; his hat-trick provides the game’s only goals, showing off pace, power and, with a frankly impossible-looking near-post finish, ruthlessness.

Same again at the Gauntlet. Cheney Bittencourt ends the game bitching about fixture congestion. It’s a valid point.

The Sabrefell derby does not disappoint. The Moths remain inconsistent… is the narrative, but they actually sit fifth, while the Rams have slipped out of the IFCF places entirely! Injuries have ravaged both - Belgrade is only fit enough for the Moths’ bench, while Zuniga picks up a knock between games, while the Rams go in missing Lucas, Dominique and, most damagingly, Ens. Kaya Naumoff has to hold the line in midfield, and she’s just turned 35. This is her third start in a row, her only three all season, and Athletic have lost the other two. They do not lose this one. By the end, Naumoff is the hero - not only helping stem the Moths’ relentless tide - one that slips by is a penalty conceded by Koutros but beaten away by Ferret Tioux - but providing a sweeping long assist chested down and rammed home by Benezet, that turned 1-0 to 1-1 in first-half injury time and totally shifted the balance of the match. By the end, Benezet has his second and sets up the antique piece Sipke Tarala for the third; the Moths get one at the death, but it’s a mere consolation.

In the west, Treason have to hold off Crisisbless’ challenge. The top three have pulled away, and Crisisbless risk this becoming the top two if they can’t stop the Stags in Treason. Moira Woakes giveth - double-teaming Cromwell with Maia Abylon, coming away with the ball and lashing a 28-yarder low past Clavel - and she taketh away, hacking down her nemesis Cromwell a little too enthusiastically and picking up a second caution on the hour. The Stags pounce - just two minutes later, Accardi’s set up Uster to drive home from the edge of the area, before in the 89th minute, Crisisbless clinging on through Na’Kefir’s saves, they’re finally undone by a fluid passing movement through the centre of the pitch culminating in, yes, Lothaire Cromwell smashing home the winner played in by Metzger. Brinemouth are a beneficiary of their hand-reared striker Koellner missing a sitter for opponents Cranequin. Nike Rouphos sends a barrage of egg-tweets, and Brinemouth end up surviving despite their profligacy, just a single goal from rue Cazade. Starling concede a late own goal to lose to Crisisbless United, Kawsu Kaba getting horribly mixed up and heading Annlaug Laursen’s cross home, while Leichhardt win a game, Stevenson breaking a goal drought with a stylish brace against Coret.

A crushing 4-0 win for Vermillion over inconsistent Serpentine puts Kurtis Rakeruth’s job under threat; a crushing 4-0 win for the Rovers over Peregrine doesn’t put Esther Mallory’s job under threat because the Falconers are terrible anyway, but does burnish Dulcina Radcliffe’s reputation as arguably the best marksman in the league. Well, it does until Tremeka Godwin scores six against Corinthians No Longer, what the fuck. It’s a record, in a 9-1 rout away in Creed. The Quakers are fast, snapping into tackles and getting things moving forward, a frictionless performance with a ruthless finisher up front. Nine goals. Anders Rowett, a grizzled 34-year old veteran goalkeeper, looks on the verge of tears by the seventh...

Another day, another 3-0 win at the Gauntlet in a secondary tournament. The Stags bring their A-Listers, though, and while the gulf in class takes until the second half to show on the scoresheet, Lockheed’s driven header in the 93rd minute gives the game the gloss it warrants.

Not enough attention has been focused on Corvistone this season. Partially it’s because they haven’t quite lived up to their recent expectations, but keep in mind that expectations of 6th or 7th really aren’t natural for a midget bastard fake club from the middle of nowhere that barely existed a decade ago. And they’re still very much in the fight for IFCF qualification, very much unlike opponents Starling. What gives? They’ve scored roughly the same amount of goals, but Corvistone - marshalled, of course, by Hadrian Belfast - have a defence. Starling do not, so they’re liable to do things like have Vandermark’s ‘creative’ marking leave Catley totally open to strike on the left, or require Smordal to save them from an errant Kaba backheel with a frankly spectacular save. So it’s deeply cruel when Smordal, their rock, lingers a little on a backpass from Katarec, panics under Ulreich’s pressure and boots it straight into Baba Warrington’s midriff, winding him but allowing Rachel Arniston to vault him and stab home the loose ball. It’s the only goal of the game, enough to lift Corvistone to 7th, enough to drop Starling to 14th with more defeats than wins.

Brinemouth surprisingly labour to beat Leichhardt, who despite everything retain a deeply impressive defender in Sarah Foreman who has carried herself with quiet dignity throughout this crisis. The Dockers require a fair chunk of luck to win in the end, rue Cazade hammering an effort off the post that cruelly hits Radu Bartok’s back as the goalkeeper leapt to try and save it, rebounding in. The Stags surprisingly labour to lose to Coret, failing to even score against a porous defence. Creed and Cranequin just sort of generally labour at one another, a truly dire scoreless draw. The Wanderers will rue a missed sitter from Constantine Koellner, who is great at every aspect of a striker except for actually scoring (and, Nike Rouphos would add, growing hair). Parrhesia pull further out of harm’s way with a fairly straightforward 2-0 win over Belgrave, while a bicycle kick from Maurice Delfour is tragically parried by Na’Kefir and bundled home by Lewis Phoenix, which makes for a far less interesting winning goal.

Though they’ve defied grim pre-season predictions, Alliance Barossia are hardly prolific at the best of times. So it’s significant, and speaks to the overall shitshow that is the defensive line of the Strongest, that Alliance smash four goals past Alastair Cavan in the second half. The Strongest are really missing first-choice goalkeeper Press, who was able to sweep well behind an eye-wateringly high line, but who has been injured for the past few weeks. North Sabrefell take a third clean sheet victory in four games. They’ve dealt somewhat better with their backup goalkeeper, young Rena Perch, who stepped up ably to replace Marnid Volland and appears to have kept the place even upon Volland’s return. At the other end, Fabrice Laramee does… something magic, as usual, to conquer sadly freefalling Mantlegrove. Stahlburg pulverise Armstrong 3-0, Radcliffe continuing to become a star.

The Stags march on. Andu you think they can be stopped?

The immortal Swans become the story of the round. They went from fending off Conference debutants Rosary Brinemouth 2-1 to conquering North Laithland after a marathon shootout, Treason with two goals in extra time and now the Rams are the next victims on the chopping block. At the Barbarossa, even! The mediocre 2Div side fire first, Amanda Bader blasting a shot through weak hands from Aurelian Gautier, before Ygor Raspas’ cross is lost in the sun by Gautier and headed home by a diving Ziegenhorn. A spectacular volley from Ziegenhorn is followed up by a penalty the former Ceni starlet wins and then converts - what the hell? 4-1 down by half-time? Dalibor Redcliff in the Swans’ goal pulls out all the stops, despite conceding twice - a penalty and then a spectacular top-corner howitzer from Oscar Coltrane (yes, they brought out Coltrane for Gosmouth bloody Swans) - and the relative minnows inexplicably hold out. Nothing else matters, but here goes; Cranequin City upset South Laithland by beating them at their own game, two towering headers from Heron Paara, while Alliance Barossia hold out for ages against Aries Chariots without actually mounting a shot on target in 120 minutes. Chardonnay Rangers pull off an impressive scalp of Newrook City, a frankly outrageous outside-boot flick from Alessa Bernat perfectly playing in Rayne to smash home the game’s only goal, Rufus Holland imperious at the other end. Sabrefell Moths are the standout favourites remaining, and they need penalties to overcome Crisisbless United at home after a protracted two-hour stalemate.

Treason and Brinemouth stand locked on 61 points, seven above Crisisbless in third, before what looks to be a climactic Classic. Brinemouth have one big advantage, according to the league’s form striker, Danielle Jackson: “Treason’s played like a thousand games in the past week, man. They’re gonna fall like a house of cards.” Treason captain Va’Afaja responds: “There’s enough life left in my legs to break Jackson’s.” Danielle Jackson responds: by scoring. It’s a beautiful bit of interplay that lets her and rue Cazade slip through a Treason defence that for once looks, yes, tired, rue Cazade taking on Clavel before flicking a ball over him, not goalbound but easy enough for Johnson to volley eagerly into the empty net. And then be cleaned out by Va’Afaja, who claimed, of course, to be merely late. He survives the referee’s ministrations, and repays that leniancy by lashing a strike against the crossbar seconds from the end of the game. But perhaps Brinemouth have earned a touch of grace, and now they have a gap.

The Crisisbless teams face contrasting fortunes in Sabrefell; the white and blue stripes are simply the classier in the tight spaces than the percussive Moths, Moira Woakes returning from her suspension just as her natural marker Tawny Shone accumulates one through repeated cautions to chalk up a goal and an assist past the less streetwise Rook Timekeeper, while the Rams batter the Chequers 3-0. The Moths, Rams and United are now all level on 50 points, straddling 6th through 8th. Vermillion are hot in the chase, with a statement of intent coming in a 5-1 thumping of Brookford. But then, you know, it’s Brookford. Parrhesia pull six points clear of danger with a 2-1 win in South Laithland; neither side seems particularly in danger, anymore.

Morningstar are kept waiting for their first win under Warren Orwell. Worst of all it’s against the Strongest, relegation rivals they really needed to beat. Just six minutes in, though, Catapan is flailing to catch up to a searing free kick from Tulaska Sunstroem, who will later slide in Rotariu past the defence for the big target woman to finish coolly beyond the ‘keeper. Things are so dire by the end of the first half that Orwell makes two substitutions at the half-time interval, but neither Rosenstiel nor Lyritzis can - though Cassandra Preston, in a moment of ‘fuck it, just shoot’, does somehow find a space from distance that Press can’t cover. Peregrine fight back to earn a point against CNL, while Cypher decisively win the match of ‘which southeast Laithland hick gets to call the other inbred’, crushing Serpentine 3-0.

Lienke Vesper and Scylla Vyntra basically built Qavazujzy last season, but after their departure their foundations appear to be holding, despite the shaky future of the Qusmi league. They’ve done well both in IFCF and to get this far in the CdC, but that road appears likely to end violently at the hands of Mikkel Jonsson, who pulls the strings in a reshuffled Stags 4-2-3-1.

Something very strange for long-term fans of the Nepharan game is that Vermillion Rage are actually a well-run club. They make sensible purchases that fit well into the framework of the team, prioritise an excellent manager in Cralt-Nirlo, and invest in the future with players like Traudl Mrdja, who recently won her first Nephara caps. Parrhesia, by contrast, are a shitshow that Rage fans have enjoyed laughing at throughout recent times. But after crushing the second tier last time around, they’re finally making a comeback to some sort of relevance. The Vermillion derby, then, has a fair amount of hype and feels like it’s actually some sort of contest, both sides snapping into tackles. One snaps into Victoria Maersk, the Vermillion captain cut down by Annika Miller; limping off, she can no longer exude her natural aura of control over the game, and while she’s desperately being patched together off the pitch by Vermillion’s physios the Saints press forward, pass quickly and deftly and set up Nikola Swann to drive home the only goal of the game against a shorthanded opposition. Predictably, a fight breaks out in the stands to celebrate. The Saints hold on for a victory that pulls them further away from the drop, and checks Vermillion’s IFCF aspirations.

Temperamental Moths manager Adalheid Metzelder surprises fans and pundits by dropping Cathal Turner, and then publically talking shit. “He won’t run for me. And Solara, well, she can’t run for anyone anymore,” she muses in front of a microphone in clear stream-of-consciousness mode. This means a day-late birthday present for 21-year old Tryphon Archer, who rewards the faith with a goal in a 3-1 win in Coret. And he does run. A resilient showing in Corvistone sees Athletic conquer their rivals 2-0, wingers Isusi and Westerveld with the goods, and in doing so overtake them. Only Crisisbless United falling to Newrook, and that due to a slightly offside-looking strike from Tom Duffy (that he milks up by, ah, ‘asking the home fans for their measured opinion’, shall we say), keeps Corvistone from slipping from 5th to out of the IFCF places completely. Chenoworth Rovers pick up an invaluable win over struggling Leichhardt, Brayden Custworth emerging bloodied from a head clash with Foreman that still bundled a decisive late winner over the line, and Catheline Harper’s Creed are pumped 5-0 by Treason.

The Strongest are anything but tonight, losing their nerve as they ship five unanswered goals to high-flying Chenoworth. The Harriers absolutely dominate the ball and the game, by every metric. Kiva Sirleaf’s never even given work. But they all count, which must be galling since their main rivals at the top, Vermillion Wanderers, struggle to overcome a powerful Armstrong. Three times, Sabrefell Athletic loanee Renira Schanzer rips apart the Wanderers’ defence with a couple of deft touches and decisive movements, but only once does she find the finish. The Wanderers get two dodgy penalties in the last twenty minutes, the referee only seeming to turn further against the ornery home crowd every time they call her a wanker.

Despite an early scare, the Stags finish the job clerkly; their Qusmi opponents run out of steam in the second half, John Fletcher blasting home a perfect hat-trick in that time.

The Moths get off to a strong start against Brinemouth, threatening constantly - Ryan Bull denies them early with a double save to try and repel some of the doubters, but can’t stop Morgenstern setting up Turner for a tap-in in the 28th minute. Fortunately for the Dockers, it takes just two minutes for the impetuous Muscadin to ankle-tap rue Cazade for a penalty, and the Dockers don’t look back en route to an eventual 3-1 win. That keeps them atop the table, with Treason three points behind after crushing Chenoworth Rovers 3-0, Crisisbless eventually overcoming local rivals United thanks to a deft chip from Woakes that took advantage of Lazareva’s advanced position and the Rams overtaking the Chariots thanks to their pulverising bottom-feeding Chatswood 5-0, lesser lights like Rouvas and Tomlinson shining. Aries, for their part, improbably lose 3-0 to South Laithland, three clinical second-half strikes with the Southrons’ only three shots on target. Corvistone pull level with them and help bolster their goal difference, too, by picking apart Newrook 5-0 away, with the Moths rounding out the top seven.

It’s the end of the line for Lara Winter. She had enjoyed a recent uptick in form with the Stargazers… and really needed to follow that up with wins against Chenoworth Rovers and Cranequin Wanderers, not defeats. Without those six points, Leichhardt are just too far gone. So too are Brookford. So too are Chatswood. Unfortunately for the purposes of drama, three teams this year have just been really, really shit. Presently worst-of-the-rest are Chenoworth Rovers, after the Wanderers’ aforementioned win over Leichhardt, a scrappy 1-0 where a penalty made the difference. Creed and Parrhesia are also looking over their shoulders; the Saints in particular, as recent promising form crashes to a halt with a 7-1 pulverisation by Starling.

CNL midfielder Clovis Klein absolutely puts his boot through a 96th-minute free kick. Orion Randwick’s wall is poor; he’s blindsided, scrambles late and only succeeds in punching the strike deeper into his own net, and with that Vermillion Wanderers have choked on their 72% possession against ten men, ending a run of four straight wins goalless against a side that only recently shipped nine. “It’s an aberration,” shrugs Jakob Mortimer, so that’s apparently the end of that. But it does slit their lead at the top of the table to just a single point, as the Harriers labour to a 2-1 win in Barossia. They both have a comfortable buffer on fourth, though; Diamondqueen are currently third, with Iron clinging to the playoff seat after drawing scoreless with lowly Cranequin. Cypher squander the opportunity to catch up on points, beaten 1-0 on home soil by the Rovers, who overtake them; Mantlegrove appear to have run out of steam, and get pumped 3-0 by Chardonnay. Are you tired of hearing about Sylvia Wright yet? She nets all three.

Twenty of the 24 teams in the league have at least a goal a match. Bishop, in 18th, are twelve points clear of danger following a creditable if dire scoreless draw in Diamondqueen, and Mixu Durran’s already started experimenting with new young blood in the side. Alliance are also probably, tentatively safe, Szalai Fowler driving home a late winner to break the stalemate against Rochford. They’ve scored the fewest goals in the league, are regularly fielding an industrious but rubbish striker in Arjen Schonlau (23 starts, 3 sub appearances, 2 goals) but a tight defence is keeping them afloat. Cranequin City and Barossia United are on a weird island of their own, but still have a comfortable cushion over the bottom four. Peregrine are the current tallest pygmy in the village, but find themselves reined in after a 5-3 firestorm against Athletic; the Strongest and hapless Morningstar are also in the fight for the playoff place.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               30  22   4   4  65  18  +47  70
  2 AFC Treason              30  21   4   5  51  11  +40  67
  3 Crisisbless              30  18   9   3  64  24  +40  63
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       30  17   5   8  65  43  +22  56
  5 Aries Chariots           30  16   7   7  57  38  +19  55
  6 AFC Corvistone           30  17   4   9  47  28  +19  55
  7 Sabrefell Moths          30  15   8   7  46  33  +13  53
  8 Southfell United         30  15   6   9  50  42   +8  51
  9 Crisisbless United       30  15   5  10  42  46   -4  50
 10 Stahlburg City           30  13  10   7  32  27   +5  49
 11 Vermillion Rage          30  14   6  10  47  33  +14  48
 12 Starling                 30  11   7  12  48  45   +3  40
 13 Coret Hawks              30  10  10  10  36  39   -3  40
 14 North Laithland          30  10   7  13  37  41   -4  37
 15 South Laithland          30  11   2  17  36  54  -18  35
 16 Newrook City             30   9   7  14  37  47  -10  34
 17 Belgrave                 30   9   6  15  46  63  -17  33
 18 Parrhesia United         30   8   7  15  31  58  -27  31
 19 Creed United             30   8   6  16  38  54  -16  30
 20 Cranequin Wanderers      30   5  13  12  28  40  -12  28
 21 Chenoworth Rovers        30   7   7  16  34  51  -17  28
 22 Brookford Otters         30   4   6  20  23  64  -41  18
 23 Leichhardt               30   3   8  19  23  45  -22  17
 24 Chatswood                30   3   4  23  23  62  -39  13

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Wanderers       30  20   6   4  56  17  +39  66
  2 Chenoworth Harriers        30  20   5   5  59  26  +33  65
  3 Diamondqueen               30  17   6   7  50  22  +28  57
  4 Iron City                  30  17   5   8  45  25  +20  56
  5 Stahlburg Rovers           30  16   7   7  50  22  +28  55
  6 Cypher Town                30  17   2  11  34  24  +10  53
  7 Mantlegrove                30  15   5  10  45  33  +12  50
  8 Raven River                30  13  10   7  49  32  +17  49
  9 North Sabrefell            30  14   6  10  39  32   +7  48
 10 Corinthians No Longer      30  13   6  11  40  48   -8  45
 11 Goodfeather FC             30  11  10   9  57  43  +14  43
 12 Armstrong                  30  12   6  12  35  36   -1  42
 13 AFC Serpentine             30  12   4  14  38  38   +0  40
 14 AFC Rochford               30  11   6  13  28  35   -7  39
 15 Chardonnay Rangers         30  10   8  12  46  43   +3  38
 16 Alliance Barossia          30  12   2  16  22  33  -11  38
 17 Corvette Maulers           30   8  13   9  39  42   -3  37
 18 Bishop                     30   8  11  11  36  44   -8  35
 19 Cranequin City             30   7  10  13  22  33  -11  31
 20 Barossia United            30   7  10  13  35  47  -12  31
 21 Peregrine                  30   6   5  19  37  74  -37  23
 22 The Strongest              30   6   5  19  32  78  -46  23
 23 Crisisbless Athletic       30   4   7  19  29  60  -31  19
 24 Morningstar                30   3   7  20  23  59  -36  16

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Gonen's Bridge            30  20   4   6  61  29  +32  64
  2 Aries Solitaire           30  17   6   7  60  28  +32  57
  3 Greygate                  30  15   9   6  55  33  +22  54
  4 Riverkey                  30  16   6   8  33  21  +12  54
  5 Locksley                  30  14  11   5  61  37  +24  53
  6 West Brinemouth           30  14   8   8  39  28  +11  50
  7 Dartmouth Terriers        30  13  10   7  45  36   +9  49
  8 Pillars of Southfell      30  12  12   6  37  25  +12  48
  9 Autumnstone               30  13   9   8  46  40   +6  48
 10 Falston United            30  12  11   7  45  38   +7  47
 11 Ritter Town               30  13   6  11  39  39   +0  45
 12 Hackett                   30  12   8  10  46  39   +7  44
 13 Ballardine FC             30  12   7  11  41  43   -2  43
 14 Sheridan                  30   9  10  11  27  28   -1  37
 15 Boltcroft Thorns          30  11   4  15  50  58   -8  37
 16 Lazuli Diamonds           30  11   4  15  44  57  -13  37
 17 Gosmouth Swans            30   7  10  13  37  47  -10  31
 18 Stonegrave                30   8   7  15  25  36  -11  31
 19 The Hanged Man            30   8   7  15  22  36  -14  31
 20 Extreme Hills             30   8   7  15  38  53  -15  31
 21 Kommissar                 30   7   7  16  34  64  -30  28
 22 AFC Shale                 30   6   8  16  20  37  -17  26
 23 Lockheed Zenith           30   4  11  15  27  50  -23  23
 24 Crossroads Town           30   5   4  21  25  55  -30  19

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Mapleford                    30  21   4   5  71  25  +46  67
  2 Ingram Township              30  20   6   4  47  20  +27  66
  3 Rochford Pilgrims            30  20   5   5  65  36  +29  65
  4 Kensey Town                  30  15   8   7  68  38  +30  53
  5 Southriver                   30  16   5   9  53  34  +19  53
  6 New Oakstone Phoenix         30  14   7   9  53  41  +12  49
  7 Caldwick Strand              30  15   3  12  44  39   +5  48
  8 Brindleton                   30  13   7  10  48  32  +16  46
  9 Cranequin Souths             30  13   7  10  52  44   +8  46
 10 Martella Jazz                30  12   7  11  47  38   +9  43
 11 Strephonage                  30  11  10   9  38  34   +4  43
 12 Hartford Glade               30  11   8  11  50  49   +1  41
 13 Crownsend Journey            30   9  12   9  35  43   -8  39
 14 Coret Rovers                 30   9   9  12  33  35   -2  36
 15 East Laithland Harriers      30  10   5  15  54  61   -7  35
 16 Sirencall FC                 30  10   5  15  39  59  -20  35
 17 Brokenarch                   30   8  10  12  32  32   +0  34
 18 Constance Park               30   9   7  14  31  40   -9  34
 19 Riverkey Shells              30   9   6  15  48  63  -15  33
 20 West Hook                    30   9   6  15  25  43  -18  33
 21 Fully Sick XI                30   8   4  18  34  62  -28  28
 22 Rookwall                     30   6   9  15  22  52  -30  27
 23 Downsparrow                  30   7   4  19  31  58  -27  25
 24 Iberia Chenoworth            30   6   4  20  39  81  -42  22

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lindmark Falcons        30  18   5   7  79  43  +36  59
  2 Chenoworth Teutons      30  17   7   6  52  29  +23  58
  3 Ringway                 30  16   7   7  52  35  +17  55
  4 Sutcroft                30  14   6  10  53  45   +8  48
  5 Fischer                 30  14   6  10  53  48   +5  48
  6 Lindwurm Delta          30  13   7  10  55  41  +14  46
  7 Aspen Grove             30  11  12   7  31  24   +7  45
  8 FC Seierstad            30  11   9  10  48  40   +8  42
  9 Grovebank               30  10  10  10  36  33   +3  40
 10 Boleyn Town             30  10  10  10  35  32   +3  40
 11 Creed Rosebud           30  10   9  11  41  41   +0  39
 12 Iron United             30  11   5  14  34  42   -8  38
 13 Moxstone Fortune        30  11   5  14  39  50  -11  38
 14 Besand's Folly          30   9  10  11  51  49   +2  37
 15 Courser                 30  10   7  13  36  39   -3  37
 16 AFC Feuerweiss          30   9   7  14  38  57  -19  34
 17 AFC Hellerine           30   8  10  12  31  51  -20  34
 18 Rushe United            30   8   8  14  45  53   -8  32
 19 Harrington              30   6   8  16  32  56  -24  26
 20 Sutcroft Athletic       30   6   8  16  28  61  -33  26

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Shimmering Quay           30  19   5   6  69  33  +36  62
  2 Northside Eagles          30  19   5   6  61  39  +22  62
  3 Long Lake                 30  19   5   6  46  24  +22  62
  4 Corvistone City           30  17   9   4  55  24  +31  60
  5 Brunyard FC               30  16   5   9  48  33  +15  53
  6 Latin Enclave FC          30  15   7   8  48  30  +18  52
  7 South Parrhesia           30  16   3  11  53  37  +16  51
  8 Longwinter                30  13   6  11  41  37   +4  45
  9 Twelvetrees               30  13   6  11  34  30   +4  45
 10 The Travellers FC         30  12   6  12  35  40   -5  42
 11 AFC Southsands            30  12   2  16  34  41   -7  38
 12 Brookford Vantablack      30   8  12  10  47  43   +4  36
 13 Advance Lazuli            30  10   4  16  34  49  -15  34
 14 Ox River United           30   7  11  12  29  30   -1  32
 15 Barhara Cavaliers         30   8   8  14  36  53  -17  32
 16 Bodkin Road               30  10   2  18  33  51  -18  32
 17 AFC Burchess              30   8   4  18  29  49  -20  28
 18 Rosary Brinemouth         30   6   9  15  25  47  -22  27
 19 Aries Tigers              30   5   9  16  32  74  -42  24
 20 AFC Volksgarten           30   4   8  18  28  53  -25  20

by **Nephara** » Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:29 am

We need to talk about Brookford Otters. They’re back from the second tier, unexpectedly, with eternal shining optimist Elrik Raskine at their head. This, everyone knows. Everyone expected them to get smashed back down to the second tier and, yes, this is happening. But it’s been bizarrely without fanfare. They’ve offered very little excitement outside of scoring a few pretty goals and conceding rather a lot at their own end, and all Raskine’s really bothered with is swapping goalkeepers. Upgrading, it seems, from Damir Wright’s early showings. But they have one secret weapon today; Annika Cashin really hates Sabrefell Athletic. The Moths product’s early Twiis are filled with mentions of wanting the Rams’ demise, or how much she hates the eastern side, or the sheer amount of bile in her throat when she thinks of the colour red existing.

So she’s delighted, presumably, with the chance to score a hat-trick past a shellshocked Rams side, to draw a foul that sends off Oscar Coltrane (???), and to get in a nice stamp on Gabrielle Reinhardt’s ribcage when the big defender makes the mistake of falling down during a corner when Cashin pushes her. And so okay she gets sent off for that and Athletic get and score a penalty, but so what? Brookford still win somehow, and Athletic fall out of the top four. Corvistone are the beneficiaries, edging out a tight, tense affair with Crisisbless. Arniston almost blows their late chance to score, clearly contemplating passing to Warrington - who has strayed offside, but is shouting very loudly at her for the ball - before going it alone, and being rewarded with the bottom corner. Treason pull back level at the top with Brinemouth, thanks to their old rivals North Laithland sucker-punching the Dockers on the coast, while Chenoworth Rovers pick up an invaluable three points against Stahlburg thanks to a nice little baton-pass; Vithoulkas getting injured as she wins a penalty, Sabrina Patton replacing her to convert it with her first touch.

Iron are not known as a prolific side, but something in them just snaps against Chardonnay Rangers. Lindt between the posts for the Rangers doesn’t have a bad game; she just doesn’t really have anything to do, as all four City shots are tap-ins and sitters of various sorts, culminating in a penalty clumsily given away by a Premiership veteran in Ellen Mifsud who ought to know better than to kick vaguely at Remsza’s knees. Peregrine make a mad grab for safety, edging River in an anarchic game that’s 10v10 for the last half hour, which is non-coincidentally where all the goals happen. The winner comes when Aurelian Niehaus inadvertently punches Luthier’s cross into his own net, leading to a bizarre plea for handball against himself. Seasoned defensive partner Lampshire doesn’t look angry, only disappointed.

Starling and South Laithland is a clash between sides whose seasons are both write-offs, who are using the remaining time to rebuild. That’s great for the Southrons, who were cataclysmically fucked before Leigh Fletcher’s ponderous arrival, but less of a comfort for Lisa Amos to have an IFCF-grade side flirt with the bottom half of the table. As a result, their clash is a very young one, and it’s fitting that the first goal sees 22-year old Davina Ashmore backheel an assist for 20-year old Octavian Eversong to blast past a 21-year old Nadine Cirjak, giving Starling the lead. Ashmore and Page (20) finish a first-half rout for the Passerines, a young side brimming with actual confidence putting the veterans on the bench to shame, but Radler (19) has a goal chalked off for offside early in the second half for the Southrons before Kurtis Conrad (21) provides the consolation.

Leichhardt produce one of those performances that actually awakens a spark of hope. Ernie Stevenson’s spectacular bicycle kick… is saved by Clavel but the rebound bundled home by Brind, and that early lead is clung to like a buoy on the Brine. Right until the end, where Radu Bartok and Tess Saunders fail to get out of each others’ way, Bartok utterly cleans Saunders out and Metzger reacts fast to stab home the late equaliser. Brinemouth, by contrast, are more ruthless as they put Crisisbless United down 4-0. Tim Maitfield is philosophical: “We had to go forward. That was always going to leave gaps. And the Dockers have the talent to exploit them, I’m afraid.” Stahlburg City are uncharacteristically prolific as they bury Cranequin Wanderers 4-1, Maurice Delfour effectively having a one-man show as nobody seems able to pick the clever winger up, while Aries fight Vermillion with 10 men for almost the entire game and only late succumb to a heartbreaking penalty, slotted home by Maersk.

The axe falls… twice. First, Warren Orwell is thrown out of Morningstar. That didn’t take long, did it? Eleven games, zero wins, including six-pointers against the likes of the Strongest and now Cranequin City, Heron Paara taking advantage of slack marking to drive home an 86th-minute equaliser. And for River manager Eoin Killanen, it is finally time as well. River do actually score first, a clever backheeled flick from Beridze setting up Nikita Crowe to volley home. And then Stahlburg Rovers put five past Selina Carver, in Rookridge no less. Sad to say Killanen’s had chances, and set them all on fire. Fantastic player. Great for a soundbite. And a truly shit manager as far as the Ferrymen are concerned.

Treason and Directus clash in the marquee clash of the round (“this could be the Final” - every pundit in the multiverse, it seems), and the opening sparring is about as everyone expects. Tight. Tense. And then Estrella Hawke shows up with that same bloody talent she’s exhibited so often for the Cormorants over the years, a change of pace she still has into her thirties taking her past Lockheed, muscling past him before suddenly cutting inside and letting him swing the wrong way, and driving low past Clavel. Treason fight back in the second half, but crucially seem to lack that cutting edge. Advantage: Directus.

Hadrian Belfast swore blind to the press he was happy holding Kionao to a draw; his swearing on the sidelines might have told a different story on a match where both ‘keepers shone. Nacional are a dominant force on home soil and firmly get the better of Crisisbless, Lucchetti’s brace followed up by what felt like a killer-blow from Revault… but Maia Abylon smashing a rare goal in off the crossbar gave hope that the Heelers could mount a comeback.

Treason are plainly jaded, but hold their own against 1830. True to stereotype, it’s a dogged team performance clinging to an early goal off a set piece against a handful of mercurial stars, of whom Thorsten Kramer winds up with unanimous plaudits and the decisive assist for Fortin’s leveller.

It’s been difficult to form words about Newrook City, and it isn’t for want of exciting players like the revelation that is winger Naiva Storrev. They’re just so… middle-of-the-pack. But they do lead to great games from time to time, while Parrhesia are always box-office quality. In the first half, it’s the Saints who play the protagonist role. Elsebeth Celustka, who doesn’t manage a single ‘sprint’ all game according to the nerd brigade, languidly arcs home a strike from well outside the box that left Iarrow clutching air, before almost lazily playing in Zanzala off the shoulder of the last man. Zanzala finishes crisply for 2-0, Fohler stabs home at the far post for 3-0… are the Rooks screwed? But a goal in the 45+1st minute flips the narrative. Clevinger heads home a corner thanks to lazy marking, and in the second half, Bronson and Storrev each chip in to level the scores. And now the narrative is that the Saints are chokers… but they aren’t, it turns out, and late goals from substitutes Reus and Rosborough force match report rewrites all over the multiverse.

Leichhardt win just their fourth goal of the season, packing the midfield, putting Stahlburg City under genuine pressure that finally tells, first through a dismissal for Cooke for denying the wily Klempner a clear goal-scoring opportunity, then through the two goals that follow in its wake. It’s enough to convince Leichhardt’s management to give Cyrus Kroger the job full-time, after five points from three as caretaker; results like that all across the season and the Stargazers would be fine. But it’s a good day all around for the bad teams, as Chatswood edge out Coret (okay, it’s Coret, they could lose to schoolchildren if they got out of bed the wrong side) and Brookford, improbably, claw a point from Crisisbless. That wording’s inaccurate, actually. The Otters are dominant. But that killer ball eludes them, maddeningly, time after time. They’ll take the point, the simplicity of Cashin setting up hulking striker Jewel to crash home a late leveller, but it really is the very least they deserve.

Morningstar throw a dart for their next ritual sacrifice and wind up with 41-year old Prisca Stenet from the Diamondqueen U21s, who is apparently eager to get a senior team relegated. “May as well clear the board!” she says cheerfully, and a bunch of youths replace truly cooked losers like Rosenstiel and Cullen. It’s a bold strategy that leads at least to a goal on debut for 19-year old Florian Banneret, and to an eventual point against Chardonnay. It’s something. The Strongest claim a valuable, hard-fought win over Rochford, box-to-box midfielder Cheney Masters getting the hat-trick of goal, assist and red card over the course of the game, while the Harriers batter Cranequin City 4-0 as the Wanderers stall to River.

Another tight fixture… but again Directus hold the edge. Corinne Martel-Burns beats Murje in a foot-race, both with fair chunks of shirt in hand, but Martel-Burns is able to fire low at goal… Clavel saves, but only parries as far as Kalinic, who follows through with the unceremonious finish. Lothaire Cromwell gives Treason some hope in the second half, arriving late in the box to smash home Accardi’s cutback, but that hope is brutally extinguished by Rowena Strongbow.

Corvistone aren’t just out, but they’re out in as boring a fashion as possible. Crisisbless fight back, and there’s an outcry when what they think is their late lifeline is disallowed. Clearly, referees hate Nepharim! Let’s ignore the fact that maybe more than half of Bowman’s body was past the last defender when Luhukay played the pass! So with that, unceremoniously, there is no Nepharan representation in IFCF, the poorest Premiership showing in recent memory.

1830 triumph at the Kirola Arena, though you’d be forgiven for thinking it was the Karela Arena judging by Treason’s negative approach in the first half-hour. Liam Armstrong’s goal (seriously, Starling thought he was past it, but who’s laughing now?) made that approach non-viable and the Stags get gashed on the counter trying to make up for it; the teams trade goals in the second half but 1830’s triumph is fairly comfortable, by the end.

Stahlburg City and Treason loathe each other thanks in large part to the events of Cycle 52. The Smiths, featuring old-school names like William Čalrek and Didier Bernard (and a 17-year old Grubiša Jelić!), lead for almost the entire season, but had the carpet ripped out from underfoot as they were passed by Treason on the first day. There has been just one thing the Stags didn’t take from the Smiths; the 23 goals veteran goalkeeper Paolo Crewe conceded remains a record low. But now Treason have conceded just 15, and are on track to beat that, too. It leads to frenzied talk about the game being a chance to save a 25-year old record, not today’s season… but it doesn’t go to plan, either. Angel Clavel claws away an early penalty from Kresimir Brujah, and denies Lewis Phoenix one-on-one minutes later; the Smiths never recover, and Idai Uster crashes home a brace after the hour mark to seal a warranted win.

Brinemouth retain their two-point advantage at the top. It’s never in any doubt that they’ll keep a clean sheet against Chatswood, their own odd rivals, even with Ryan Bull in slightly dubious form of late, but scoring at the other end proves more difficult. Nova Williams is nearly flawless between the posts, and certainly her shot-stopping keeps down the score, but it’s a slight hesitation on her line that stops her coming out to clear a pass that finds its way to Bryger Tidesson, who takes the ball in stride and fires coolly past the exposed ‘keeper. Cranequin Wanderers are the only side with the power to make things interesting in the relegation race; mired in 21st, do they try to break upwards to safety, or do they plummet so the bottom three can fight over the chance to lose 2-0 to Iron City? Well, they take an important step to the former tonight; Nissa Viere crashing home a standing header near-unchallenged, Szarbach with a brilliant showing in goal. Chenoworth Rovers take an important step in self-preservation with a narrow win over Crisisbless United, leaving Creed as the current slowest gazelle. Newrook slaughter Belgrave 4-0, which does at least keep things a little interesting for the Gargoyles.

Michi Leonard got two games to impress as River’s caretaker manager, lofted from the coaching staff because she was one of the few that didn’t leave with Killanen. The first took a point from Vermillion - the second, a conclusive 4-1 hammering of Corinthians No Longer. Better yet, from a commentary perspective, she drops Nikita Crowe to leave the striker Asli Crowe the only one of her name on the field; the remaining Crowe gets herself a brace. The 37-year old becomes the youngest manager in the league. Xandra Vermouth’s quest to stop being the striker who does everything but score for Iron takes another stride with a brace of both goals and assists in a 4-0 thrashing of an underwhelming Serpentine. The Knights give a sense that they’re really building up to something at last under Lara Dixon, with whom the board have consistently kept faith. Cypher’s fatal habit of letting points go to bad teams continues against Crisisbless Athletic.

Creed have endured a rocky return to the top flight, while the Chariots’ flying start has eroded somewhat. Nevertheless, each is very much the kind of side that should go for the Cup, and both pick strong outfits. The Chariots think they score first, only to be denied by Tokich’s blatant foul in the build-up, before Creed actually do when a pinball of headers is volleyed home conclusively by Retta Conrad. Portia Taani rolls back the years to head home just before the break, past some truly shambolic defending only bettered when Kund Borbely at the other end slices past Briggs late on after getting his feet horribly mixed up. Southfell United smash Cranequin City, the scoreline not quite doing justice to a very good Premiership side dismantling a bad 1Div one. Gosmouth Swans’ magic stardust appears to have run out, their spectacular run of scalps in jeopardy as the stubborn competence of Chardonnay secures a 2-0 win, while the Moths make heavy weather of lowly Leichhardt but Solara Vol (!!!) still has what it takes to be the heroine.

Hey, did you think Treason were done? No. This season they’ve been playing in five different tournaments, leading to almost comical fixture congestion. CASK are lively, with hotshot striker Sergey Nweke combining well with Nepharan winter Janna Sauthier, formerly of Cypher Town… but Treason’s defence is not easily breached, and they’re snuffed out time and again, just lacking for that little bit of space. In the second half, the Stags come alive, take the game by the scruff and score through Lysistrata Carter’s low, lunging half-volley and a penalty from Va’Afaja. So much for the drama, though CASK will back themselves to at least have a shot.

Chenoworth Rovers are one of those sides that seem too… too solid, to die. They have solid old veterans, strong young bloods, and an agreeably capable manager in Chris Waller. But this season’s been trouble for them. Goals have surprisingly not been the issue, rather a weakness in midfield caused by the fact that the hero of last season, Vincent Dupont, is… slow, and injury-prone, and a bit past it, while Minka Forrest can’t quite count for the defensive cover. Goalkeeper has also been a problem position, but the barely-tried Lara Broadhead has done well on her first appearance… and immediately lets Sonya Latimore slot a shot past her near post, before flapping at a cross from the same winger that Maslin on the other flank chests home. “It’s moments of recovery like these that define champions,” says Waller obscurely. Champions is a bit much, but Minka Forrest does get it together, slapping herself in the face after an early missed chance but accumulating two assists and a well-taken goal by the end, high-flying Corvistone left shell-shocked.

This puts the pressure on Cranequin Wanderers to keep up the pace. They respond as they always do; drawing. Against Crisisbless United, that’s a decent enough result, but they really do need to start taking points three at a time. Creed fans were never too troubled despite recent poor form, because they knew that hosting Chatswood was three easy points. Barbarouses lashes home a free kick, Donau shoots straight at Williams but stabs home the parried rebound, Briggs is hardly tested in goal and it’s a done deal. Sabrefell Moths hurl the proverbial kitchen sink at AFC Treason and go home losing 1-0. Every shot they make, every opening they force, some cunt in red-and-white stripes hurls their head in the way. Brinemouth body Brookford 5-1 as Farago rue Cazade has a party in an undermarked midfield.

Towards the top of the table, the Diamonds are the latest and most significant club to take advantage of Vermillion Wanderers’ poor form. The shakiness of confidence pervading throughout Vermillion makes them pay twice; first, a sitter missed unaccountably by Daniel Zihark, then later Orion Randwick in goal slicing a ball horribly to Isring, slipping over in so doing and being utterly unable to do more than flail on the ground as she drives home the winner, almost nonplussed. The Ex-Corinthians batter Corvette 4-0, with the Maulers’ own crisis of confidence apparent throughout; Stefan Crowton’s got enough credit in the bank to keep weathering the storm, but this is a travesty of a season for them.

Marietta Briggs failed at the Chariots, by and large, but she plays a pivotal role in denying her old side as they dominate possession but just can’t stick the damn ball in the net. Southfell rest a few players against Cranequin and it almost backfires. Cranequin City take the fight to Southfell, giving off the real feeling of having nothing to lose, and they play brilliantly… but just can’t get that second goal, with Paara and Wheaton both missing chances Premiership forwards would’ve put away. Willow Creek’s lashed strike from outside the box is a beauty, but not enough. Gosmouth Swans, repeated giant-killers, can’t pull off the trick again; Amanda Bader strikes first for Gosmouth off a heavy Dzeneta Harker deflection, but Rayne’s brace seals the tie in the second half. Leichhardt don’t manage a shot on target as a youthful, sprightly Moths side presses them into oblivion, Nasir Majerle driving home a late only goal.

3-0 by half-time, 5-0 on aggregate by then. CASK stand up to the test in the second half, though, and at least get on the scoresheet by a move started patiently by the efficient Prosdocimi, with the X-Factor coming through a scything one-two from Sauthier to Gren to Sauthier to the bottom corner. But Lockheed makes it six on aggregate in injury time, heading home a perfect Jonsson corner, and Nepharan hopes of taking home some kind of international trophy remain very much alive.

North Laithland host AFC Treason and pull out all the stops, including an enterprising local streaker who interrupts Treason’s best chance of the opening stages, hustling past four stewards with a beer in her hand and aiming a clumsy slide tackle at Idai Uster. No part of her honest, salt-of-the-Earth Mormon upbringing prepared her for a lithe young Marcher wearing nothing but an earring and a nose-stud flattening her as she bore down on goal; she just doesn’t perform quite right for the rest of the match, and is taken off just after the hour. The streaker’s defence in court holds up, however, and she avoids a stadium ban: it arises that she claimed the precise cocktail of pills, alcohol and inattentive stewardship would be literally impossible to replicate. And besides, she argues, it’s not like it worked. Treason win 2-1.

The real big news of the week is that Brookford Otters actually keep a clean sheet! Janneke Chaeffer started the season, well, starting, but her performances have just added to the sense that she’s a very good 1Div shot-stopper overawed by the intensity of the top flight. Damir Wright, reared by Treason’s academy, has added genuine steel to a spine that needed it. As for Creed, they need upgrades down the wing. Riven lacks creativity, Conrad’s just old, so if you shut down Barbarouses (as Koetter does with a relentless string of professional fouls) you’ve shut down the team. Starling absolutely pump the Rams 4-1 at the Barbarossa, Daniel Dostalok making a roaring return to the starting lineup after a brief time on the sidelines, a hat-trick confirming he still has it. Why did you ever doubt it? For the Rams, it’s an old problem of lacking enough industry in the centre of the pitch.

Crisisbless Athletic are decent, but their crippling lack of pace at the back - exacerbated when an injury at rightback means 35-year old Barack Schuyler lumbers on twenty minutes in - is just exploited time and again by sprightly Asli Crowe off the shoulder of the last man. She scores twice and unselfishly sets up Beridze, her obliging strike partner, to give River the points after an early scare. “It was like mugging a retirement home!” Crowe chirps to the reporter after the game. The Strongest are another side with defensive issues, mostly just due to the determination to press forward at all times. The overwhelming youth of the setup doesn’t help, though it’s Bishop’s young bloods in Esteve Soler and Isla Leskosek that most brutally exploit the spaces in a 4-1 win. Iron City face a difficult challenge against Stahlburg, moreso when a man down an hour into the game. It opens up, as Stahlburg would want… only for them to be slapped down on the counter twice, Vidler and Remsza seeing Iron through to an ugly 2-1 win under duress.

Marcher sayings tend towards the percussive. And one is particularly apt for Brinemouth: “When they crash, they burn.” They don’t just lose to Belgrave, they get buried 6-3. They don’t just get buried 6-3, they concede all six in the first half. To the point where goalkeeper Ryan Bull, who one senses is a year or two past the formidable peak of his powers, walks down the tunnel and doesn’t walk out. Urban Malthus earns his league debut, and he still has a smattering of sharp saves to make, though by and large the Dockers re-exert control over the game and score twice. “We had a good half,” sighs Gareth Blackthorn post-match before a long, long silence. Is this really all he can say? Another sigh. “We had a good half,” he repeats, and the interview wafts to a halt.

Sabrefell Athletic recover from their 4-1 home defeat with a 4-1 away win over Southfell United, a polar opposite performance spearheaded by Kotaro Katsura’s Oscar Coltrane impression. The Hinodejin international has stepped into the shoulders of a giant, perhaps the best player to play for the club (well… for his best years, anyway. Or Belfast might have something to say). He’s not at the same level, true, but you can shut your eyes, listen to the ball fly repeatedly past Ursula Gavaris, and remember. Leichhardt crop up with another cruelly hopeful win against Corvistone, with Emil Klempner gaining confidence and credibility as the industrious spearhead of a 4-2-3-1, having the perfect ‘everything but a goal/assist’ kind of game. And the formation brings the best of Kubala, too, who isn’t totally cooked, it turns out, just needs space. Parrhesia crab-syndrome over Creed, Ilia Mueller dominant in the heart of midfield - the reigning 1Div player of the year might just have her confidence back - while in all the excitement Cranequin and Chatswood grind out a draw that helps neither party, though the Wanderers will be particularly self-loathing from missing a penalty.

Despite missing keystone midfielder Isla Snowpoint to suspension, Iron City still dominate Vermillion Wanderers on the pitch if not the scoresheet, simply concussing them whenever they try to do anything, bullying playmaker Catric Pinnon out of the match. It takes them a while to force an opening, which eventually comes from Taena Vylarr skinning Karling and curling a beauty around Randwick. It does bring to mind the old question marks over Xandra Vermouth’s effectiveness as a striker, but Lara Dixon points out bluntly, “Find me a striker at this level who runs like her, who battles like her, who finishes better than her.” It’s a valid point; Vermouth’s job is a thankless one. And Isabelle Kruger, the most obvious ‘Vermouth but better’, has been in wretched form of late just like the rest of the Wanderers. Morningstar and Peregrine both pick up clean sheets, for once... against each other. Peregrine squander chances, Stars just don’t make any, which are problems for different reasons.

A change of hands at the top as we enter the final stretch of the season. Brinemouth canter to a 5-1 thrashing of South Laithland, no real excitement there outside of the sadists, but Treason’s guns fall silent against the hard, disciplined man-to-man pressing of Hadrian Belfast’s aggressive Crows, for whom Tristan Niedermayer doesn’t just have a fantastic day in defence but heads home a corner that fires them through and consolidates their hold on fourth. Crisisbless fall nine points behind after losing at home to nearish rivalsish Starling, Daniel Dostalok skying a penalty but making up for it with a second-half brace. The Mercedini international striker started as poorly as anyone else on the team but has reacted the strongest in what passes for a recent recovery - and Starling have by now scored more goals than Treason, which isn’t nothing. The Challengers Cup places are currently occupied by the big Sabrefell sides, including the Chariots. They all draw, the Rams and Chariots with each other, but that allows the latter to overtake a Vermillion side carved open by the pace and ruthless efficiency of Hawks striker Latona Basilisk.

The bottom four all play each other. 17th through 20th all play each other, too, and wind up reshuffling as a result. Creed are relieved when Belgrave’s poor finishing contrasts with the expert marksmanship of Scott Burgess as they win 2-0, while Parrhesia and the Rovers draw; they and South Laithland are the only other sides really in any danger. But ‘danger’ is a remote prospect. You don’t have to swim faster than the shark, only faster than your sister, and right now Cranequin Wanderers are the sister, still mired in 21st and with light fading fast after sinking to a late equaliser in Brookford. They’ve won the last two relegation playoffs; can they make it three? Will they have to? Will they get the opportunity to? Certainly-doomed Chatswood drag Leichhardt down with them, a dire affair settled on a contentious penalty. Won by Severa Conleth and converted by the same, a deft chip that infuriates Radu Bartok, who throws a boot at her head. The resulting red card does not help the Stargazers’ cause.

Weren’t Vermillion Wanderers meant to be atop the table? Oh, wait. That was before they lost seven of their last nine games. It’s a stretch that largely but not entirely coincides with an injury to key leftback Madonna Parissis, but she marks a starting return against Alliance and still they lose, their fifth straight if you prefer the cleanness of that stat. They languish fourth, clinging to the playoff place. Chenoworth Harriers sit at the top, nine points above Iron, who are in turn eight above Vermillion; each scores four, if not against the strongest opposition. Diamondqueen round out the current top three with a straightforward win over Athletic, simply having too much in the centre of the park, utterly dominant in possession and belatedly getting on the scoresheet with a Kamilla Isring brace. Stahlburg Rovers are eating up the gap to fourth, closing within a point after the gimme that Morningstar currently represent.

Morningstar’s wait to win under a manager not called Serra Chilton goes on. Thy’re thirteen points from safety, and Athletic aren’t much better off. It’s looking as though it’s down to five sides trying to avoid a spot and a half of jeopardy. Chardonnay are in the best position, grinding out a draw with Rochford, denied time after time by the excellent Libuda in goal. Barossia United are more conventionally toothless in defeat to Goodfeather. Even these sides have a buffer of nine and eight points respectively. Cranequin City, swatted aside by Armstrong, remain safe for now - Heron Paara’s 14 goals are a comfort, the entire rest of the team’s 12 are not. Peregrine can at least say they scored against the Harriers. Twice, even. And first. But the glass jaw is killing them, to say nothing of a the Strongest side who have contrived to ship 89 goals so far! They, too, lose tonight.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               38  27   5   6  88  31  +57  86
  2 AFC Treason              38  26   6   6  65  17  +48  84
  3 Crisisbless              38  22  11   5  75  29  +46  77
  4 AFC Corvistone           38  22   5  11  60  36  +24  71
  5 Sabrefell Moths          38  19  11   8  61  39  +22  68
  6 Sabrefell Athletic       38  20   7  11  81  56  +25  67
  7 Aries Chariots           38  17  12   9  68  48  +20  63
  8 Vermillion Rage          38  19   6  13  60  45  +15  63
  9 Southfell United         38  18   7  13  63  60   +3  61
 10 Stahlburg City           38  16  12  10  43  37   +6  60
 11 Starling                 38  16   9  13  67  53  +14  57
 12 Crisisbless United       38  16   9  13  47  58  -11  57
 13 Coret Hawks              38  13  11  14  44  47   -3  50
 14 North Laithland          38  13   9  16  48  52   -4  48
 15 Newrook City             38  13   8  17  53  60   -7  47
 16 South Laithland          38  12   5  21  42  69  -27  41
 17 Chenoworth Rovers        38  10  10  18  44  61  -17  40
 18 Belgrave                 38  11   7  20  59  83  -24  40
 19 Parrhesia United         38  10   8  20  42  76  -34  38
 20 Creed United             38  10   7  21  45  66  -21  37
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      38   6  16  16  35  55  -20  34
 22 Brookford Otters         38   6   9  23  31  79  -48  27
 23 Leichhardt               38   5  11  22  31  54  -23  26
 24 Chatswood                38   5   7  26  29  70  -41  22

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers        38  27   6   5  77  29  +48  87
  2 Iron City                  38  24   6   8  68  31  +37  78
  3 Diamondqueen               38  22   7   9  61  29  +32  73
  4 Vermillion Wanderers       38  21   7  10  60  27  +33  70
  5 Stahlburg Rovers           38  20   9   9  68  32  +36  69
  6 Cypher Town                38  19   5  14  40  32   +8  62
  7 Raven River                38  16  12  10  61  44  +17  60
  8 Mantlegrove                38  17   9  12  54  42  +12  60
  9 North Sabrefell            38  17   9  12  49  39  +10  60
 10 Armstrong                  38  17   9  12  44  37   +7  60
 11 Goodfeather FC             38  15  12  11  66  50  +16  57
 12 Corinthians No Longer      38  14   9  15  51  65  -14  51
 13 AFC Rochford               38  14   8  16  35  43   -8  50
 14 AFC Serpentine             38  14   6  18  50  54   -4  48
 15 Corvette Maulers           38  10  18  10  48  53   -5  48
 16 Alliance Barossia          38  15   3  20  28  43  -15  48
 17 Bishop                     38  11  13  14  48  56   -8  46
 18 Chardonnay Rangers         38  10  12  16  51  56   -5  42
 19 Barossia United            38   9  14  15  40  52  -12  41
 20 Cranequin City             38   8  12  18  26  47  -21  36
 21 Peregrine                  38   8   9  21  44  82  -38  33
 22 The Strongest              38   8   9  21  41  89  -48  33
 23 Crisisbless Athletic       38   5   9  24  39  75  -36  24
 24 Morningstar                38   3  11  24  28  70  -42  20

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Gonen's Bridge            38  25   5   8  77  36  +41  80
  2 Aries Solitaire           38  21   9   8  74  39  +35  72
  3 Greygate                  38  20  10   8  70  44  +26  70
  4 Riverkey                  38  19   8  11  38  29   +9  65
  5 Pillars of Southfell      38  16  15   7  51  33  +18  63
  6 Dartmouth Terriers        38  17  12   9  55  44  +11  63
  7 Locksley                  38  16  14   8  74  50  +24  62
  8 Hackett                   38  17   9  12  56  44  +12  60
  9 West Brinemouth           38  15  13  10  45  35  +10  58
 10 Falston United            38  14  16   8  52  43   +9  58
 11 Ritter Town               38  16   8  14  46  46   +0  56
 12 Autumnstone               38  14  12  12  55  56   -1  54
 13 Sheridan                  38  13  12  13  33  32   +1  51
 14 Ballardine FC             38  14   9  15  50  52   -2  51
 15 Boltcroft Thorns          38  14   5  19  61  71  -10  47
 16 Stonegrave                38  11  10  17  32  43  -11  43
 17 Gosmouth Swans            38  10  12  16  52  62  -10  42
 18 Extreme Hills             38  10  11  17  53  64  -11  41
 19 The Hanged Man            38  11   8  19  28  42  -14  41
 20 Lazuli Diamonds           38  11   6  21  51  78  -27  39
 21 Kommissar                 38   9   9  20  43  78  -35  36
 22 Lockheed Zenith           38   6  14  18  34  57  -23  32
 23 Crossroads Town           38   9   5  24  33  64  -31  32
 24 AFC Shale                 38   7  10  21  23  44  -21  31

by **Nephara** » Mon Sep 28, 2020 5:40 am

Aries Chariots 1-2 North Laithland
Sabrefell Athletic 1-1 Newrook City
Sabrefell Moths 1-1 Crisisbless United
Southfell United 1-2 Crisisbless
Stahlburg City 1-4 AFC Corvistone
Starling 3-0 Coret Hawks
AFC Treason 1-0 Chatswood
Vermillion Rage 3-0 Brinemouth
Leichhardt 3-0 Brookford Otters
South Laithland 0-1 Creed United
Cranequin Wanderers 1-2 Parrhesia United
Belgrave 0-1 Chenoworth Rovers

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 AFC Treason            39   27   6   6    66   17  +49    87
 2 Brinemouth             39   27   5   7    88   34  +54    86
 3 Crisisbless            39   23  11   5    77   30  +47    80
--
16 Chenoworth Rovers      39   11  10  18    45   61  −16    43
17 South Laithland        39   12   5  22    42   70  −28    41
18 Parrhesia United       39   11   8  20    44   77  −33    41
19 Creed United           39   11   7  21    46   66  −20    40
20 Belgrave               39   11   7  21    59   84  −25    40
21 Cranequin Wanderers    39    6  16  17    36   57  −21    34
22 Leichhardt             39    6  11  22    34   54  −20    29
23 Brookford Otters       39    6   9  24    31   82  −51    27
24 Chatswood              39    5   7  27    29   71  −42    22

Outplayed! Outfought! Outwitted! Brinemouth get pulped in Vermillion! Too much passing around tentatively at the back, lacking their trademark confidence and arrogance, and a moment of tentativeness is pounced on early by Ursa Kinbois, not by any means a fantastic player but fast, willing to run and more than able to shoot past the exposed figure of Bull. Vermillion score twice more in the second half, through Kinbois again and Moyer, both pouncing on increasingly ragged passing from the Dockers in their own half. Fiona Hartnett manages a couple of spectacular saves, but Vermillion are hardly reliant on them. That gives room for Treason to squeeze up top, though it’s unexpectedly arduous going. Raquel Accardi’s deft half-volley curls narrowly past Williams’ fingertips and into the top corner just seven minutes in, and Chatswood squander a couple of opportunities to equalise against their hated rivals.

South Laithland are at this stage going to be fine, but there’s something of a goalkeeping crisis; Cirjak, Mueller and Hartmuth are all injured, leading to an emergency loan recall for one Marc Cotoneaster from Caldwick Strand. The 21-year old is on his last year of his contract, has yet to play in the Premiership (or 1Div, or 2Div...), and what does Leigh Fletcher say of his chances? “Marc’s a good lad, but he knows he has absolutely no chance at breaking through at this level long-term, so I’m expecting him to make the most of this.” He’s acceptably mediocre enough against Creed United, though Retta Conrad’s 80th-minute winner does sneak by his near post. Parrhesia manage a hard-fought win over Cranequin Wanderers, though they have two goals chalked off for offside and hit the post twice as well; by the end, Ann Reus coming off the bench to smash home the winner feels like smashing a curse.

Armstrong 1-1 Corvette Maulers
Cranequin City 0-2 Chardonnay Rangers
Raven River 1-2 Diamondqueen
AFC Rochford 0-0 Bishop
Crisisbless Athletic 1-3 Mantlegrove
North Sabrefell 2-1 Goodfeather FC
Cypher Town 1-1 Iron City
Barossia United 0-0 AFC Serpentine
Corinthians No Longer 0-3 Alliance Barossia
The Strongest 1-2 Peregrine
Vermillion Wanderers 1-1 Morningstar
Chenoworth Harriers 0-0 Stahlburg Rovers

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Chenoworth Harriers     39   27   7   5    77   29  +48    88
 2 Iron City               39   24   7   8    69   32  +37    79
 3 Diamondqueen            39   23   7   9    63   30  +33    76
 4 Vermillion Wanderers    39   21   8  10    61   28  +33    71
 5 Stahlburg Rovers        39   20  10   9    68   32  +36    70
--
18 Chardonnay Rangers      39   11  12  16    53   56   −3    45
19 Barossia United         39    9  15  15    40   52  −12    42
20 Cranequin City          39    8  12  19    26   49  −23    36
21 Peregrine               39    9   9  21    46   83  −37    36
22 The Strongest           39    8   9  22    42   91  −49    33
23 Crisisbless Athletic    39    5   9  25    40   78  −38    24
24 Morningstar             39    3  12  24    29   71  −42    21

Vermillion Wanderers snap their string of defeats, yes. But drawing at home to Morningstar is arguably even worse. They trail most of the game, Stars desperately clinging to a neat header from Sandro Quintal past a stranded Randwick, and they’re reliant on a late penalty to get back into the game. Madonna Parissis, the one Wanderer with heart left, jinks desperately into the box and then, well, dives, bluntly; Irsa Croxteth, running on pure spite, hammers the ball into the underside of the crossbar and in. It probably would’ve killed Paderborn had she saved it. Chenoworth Harriers’ results are mostly a curiosity at this stage, and their ascension towards the title is barely even nudged by a scoreless draw against Stahlburg, while Peregrine keep in front of the Strongest with a late Luthier winner.

Newrook City 1-2 Aries Chariots
Crisisbless United 1-3 North Laithland
Crisisbless 1-0 Sabrefell Athletic
AFC Corvistone 3-2 Sabrefell Moths
Coret Hawks 1-3 Southfell United
Chatswood 1-1 Stahlburg City
Brinemouth 2-0 Starling
Brookford Otters 1-3 AFC Treason
Creed United 1-1 Vermillion Rage
Parrhesia United 2-0 Leichhardt
Chenoworth Rovers 2-2 South Laithland
Belgrave 1-1 Cranequin Wanderers

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 AFC Treason            40   28   6   6    69   18  +51    90
 2 Brinemouth             40   28   5   7    90   34  +56    89
 3 Crisisbless            40   24  11   5    78   30  +48    83
--
16 Chenoworth Rovers      40   11  11  18    47   63  −16    44
17 Parrhesia United       40   12   8  20    46   77  −31    44
18 South Laithland        40   12   6  22    44   72  −28    42
19 Creed United           40   11   8  21    47   67  −20    41
20 Belgrave               40   11   8  21    60   85  −25    41
21 Cranequin Wanderers    40    6  17  17    37   58  −21    35
22 Leichhardt             40    6  11  23    34   56  −22    29
23 Brookford Otters       40    6   9  25    32   85  −53    27
24 Chatswood              40    5   8  27    30   72  −42    23

Crisisbless have looked for a while as though they’ll come third. Defensively resilient but not nearly so much as Treason; dangerous in attack but not nearly so much as Brinemouth. They’ve been hit worse by injury than either, too, and they’re missing Abylon and Bowman for their hosting of Sabrefell Athletic, for whom Thibault Benezet has plenty to say. Crisisbless went in for Benezet during the window, reports the striker now confirms, but saw him shunted out to the wing; Athletic saw him as a main man up front, with the world’s best shadow striker in behind, and there was no contest in his mind. Crisisbless’ injury situation almost immediately gets worse - they lose Valeri Longship nine minutes in and it looks like she’s gone for the rest of the season - but that only seems to redouble their resolve as they crunch in harder and harder for every tackle. And it’s the industry of Lili Marinca, the 19-year old standing in for perhaps the best left winger in world football, that steals the only goal of the game. Racing back to cover her tracks, she slides in and takes the ball off Westerveld, picks herself up, sprints back upfield, manages to get onto the end of a long diagonal ball from Luhukay and with the last of her strength slices it across the face of goal for Cass Quintero to hack home, narrowly in front of Tioux.

Cranequin Wanderers have a problem; they can’t stop drawing games. They’ve only lost 17 games so far - okay, that’s a lot, but look at everyone around them! - but a lack of killing edge is slowly draining them. Today, three points become one in the cruellest circumstances. Goalkeeper Kay Szarbach has absolutely shone for them throughout the season, and shines again as Belgrave crawl all over the Wanderers without reward… until the very end, when Steward’s shot shaves off Traustram and just manages to horribly deceive Szarbach as she tries to readjust and just sort of winds up juggling the ball into her net, before landing heavily against the post and having to be taken off with an injured shoulder. It isn’t the best result for Belgrave, either, but it keeps them six points clear of danger; three of the four sides above them all draw, too, the Rovers and Southrons against one another, as the Saints overpower the increasingly beleagured Leichhardt.

Chardonnay Rangers 1-1 Armstrong
Diamondqueen 0-0 Corvette Maulers
Bishop 2-1 Cranequin City
Mantlegrove 1-0 Raven River
Goodfeather FC 3-1 AFC Rochford
Iron City 1-0 Crisisbless Athletic
AFC Serpentine 1-0 North Sabrefell
Alliance Barossia 0-1 Cypher Town
Peregrine 0-2 Barossia United
Morningstar 2-2 Corinthians No Longer
Stahlburg Rovers 1-2 The Strongest
Chenoworth Harriers 2-0 Vermillion Wanderers

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Chenoworth Harriers     40   28   7   5    79   29  +50    91
 2 Iron City               40   25   7   8    70   32  +38    82
 3 Diamondqueen            40   23   8   9    63   30  +33    77
 4 Vermillion Wanderers    40   21   8  11    61   30  +31    71
 5 Stahlburg Rovers        40   20  10  10    69   34  +35    70
--
20 Cranequin City          40    8  12  20    27   51  −24    36
21 Peregrine               40    9   9  22    46   85  −39    36
22 The Strongest           40    9   9  22    44   92  −48    36
23 Crisisbless Athletic    40    5   9  26    40   79  −39    24
24 Morningstar             40    3  13  24    31   73  −42    22

Chenoworth Harriers confirm promotion.

Vermillion Wanderers have a difficult task ahead… and there’s no point building it up. It is with absolutely no suspense that Chenoworth Harriers, playing with quiet confidence, lead 2-0 by the end of the first half as Donato Girardi absolutely runs the show, and exert zero effort in seeing through to the end. That mathematically secures the Harriers’ promotion, and they celebrate that for good reason, but the title’s in sight. Can almost be smelled at this stage. Iron keep up the chase by scraping past doomed Athletic, while Vermillion are indebted to the Strongest who do both they and themselves a massive favour with a come-from-behind win over a complacent, profligate Stahlburg. Morningstar lead 2-0 over CNL after 75 minutes. Surely they have to win! Except Rosenstiel gets sent off for a needless, vicious elbow, and they lose all structure from there to let CNL salvage a point.

Aries Chariots 1-0 Crisisbless United
Newrook City 1-2 Crisisbless
North Laithland 2-0 AFC Corvistone
Sabrefell Athletic 8-0 Coret Hawks
Sabrefell Moths 2-1 Chatswood
Southfell United 2-1 Brinemouth
Stahlburg City 4-1 Brookford Otters
Starling 2-0 Creed United
AFC Treason 7-0 Parrhesia United
Vermillion Rage 1-1 Chenoworth Rovers
Leichhardt 0-1 Belgrave
South Laithland 3-0 Cranequin Wanderers

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 AFC Treason            41   29   6   6    76   18  +58    93
 2 Brinemouth             41   28   5   8    91   36  +55    89
 3 Crisisbless            41   25  11   5    80   31  +49    86
--
16 Chenoworth Rovers      41   11  12  18    48   64  −16    45
17 South Laithland        41   13   6  22    47   72  −25    45
18 Belgrave               41   12   8  21    61   85  −24    44
19 Parrhesia United       41   12   8  21    46   84  −38    44
20 Creed United           41   11   8  22    47   69  −22    41
21 Cranequin Wanderers    41    6  17  18    37   61  −24    35
22 Leichhardt             41    6  11  24    34   57  −23    29
23 Brookford Otters       41    6   9  26    33   89  −56    27
24 Chatswood              41    5   8  28    31   74  −43    23

15 points to play for.

Sorry, what was that about Treason struggling to score goals? Seven - seven! - fly past Typhenon Laisne at the Gauntlet as an eventual nine-man Parrhesia capitulate. They can’t blame the referee too much, since it was already five by the time Mueller walked for a suicidal challenge on Cromwell, and six when Celustka’s spiteful prone mule-kick on, again, the apparently very hatable Cromwell saw her follow. Kahala Murje gets a brace, and she’s a centre-half. Not to be outdone, Athletic shove eight unanswered goals past Raluca Garamond, a deeply promising goalkeeper for whom this experience has hopefully not broken her career. And the only Hawk sent off is manager Nick Feeney, for throwing a water bottle at the head of his compatriot Tony Dalton in the other dugout. Making things worse is the discovery that the half-time substitution of Latona Basilisk (which lead to a chorus of boos around the stadium) happened because the fiery striker simply went home instead of bothering to stick around at 6-0 down. WIth the season dead, she’s been sentenced to train with the reserves for the forseeable future.

The most relatively resurgent of the bottom three, insofar as they can remember what victory feels like, Leichhardt could have made it to the playoff by now had they kicked on from victory against Brookford to win against Parrhesia and now Belgrave. They lose to both, score against neither, and those are not exactly hard defences to breach (see above). Belgrave are resolved to choke them of the ball and actually stay relatively compact at the back to ensure that all it takes is Andrea Prentice’s one moment of brilliance, shimmying past Vintner and Brind before firing a screamer into the top corner, is enough. South Laithland pulverise Cranequin Wanderers, who have really, really, really, really, really missed Declan Mason over the past weeks. Without his calming presence in midfield, they’re simply bullied out of the game. All three goals come from Dionne setting up Riise.

Armstrong 1-1 Diamondqueen
Chardonnay Rangers 0-1 Bishop
Corvette Maulers 1-2 Mantlegrove
Cranequin City 0-0 Goodfeather FC
Raven River 0-0 Iron City
AFC Rochford 1-0 AFC Serpentine
Crisisbless Athletic 1-1 Alliance Barossia
North Sabrefell 1-0 Peregrine
Cypher Town 0-0 Morningstar
Barossia United 1-1 Stahlburg Rovers
Corinthians No Longer 1-3 Chenoworth Harriers
The Strongest 2-3 Vermillion Wanderers

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Chenoworth Harriers     41   29   7   5    82   30  +52    94
 2 Iron City               41   25   8   8    70   32  +38    83
 3 Diamondqueen            41   23   9   9    64   31  +33    78
 4 Vermillion Wanderers    41   22   8  11    64   32  +32    74
 5 Stahlburg Rovers        41   20  11  10    70   35  +35    71
 6 Mantlegrove             41   20   9  12    60   44  +16    69
--
20 Cranequin City          41    8  13  20    27   51  −24    37
21 Peregrine               41    9   9  23    46   86  −40    36
22 The Strongest           41    9   9  23    46   95  −49    36
23 Crisisbless Athletic    41    5  10  26    41   80  −39    25
24 Morningstar             41    3  14  24    31   73  −42    23

15 points to play for.

Have Mantlegrove been written off too soon? Okay, so there’s nothing especially intriguing about yet another Alexandra Lazarou masterclass allowing them to come back from behind to beat Corvette - with Arneth Kolaghan making a late penalty save to secure the points - but it does put them just six points off the playoff place, and in hot form. It’s one of just three games this round where either side scores multiple goals, with Chenoworth Harriers one of the others in victory, and Vermillion Wanderers putting rest to recent form! With… a fairly unconvincing 3-2 win over the Strongest, Holly Keynes capitalising on late defensive uncertainty to rifle home the winner, but it does consolidate their advantage in fourth over Stahlburg, who draw elsewhere in Barossia.

Crisisbless 1-0 Aries Chariots
AFC Corvistone 4-0 Crisisbless United
Coret Hawks 1-1 Newrook City
Chatswood 1-0 North Laithland
Brinemouth 3-0 Sabrefell Athletic
Brookford Otters 1-2 Sabrefell Moths
Creed United 1-0 Southfell United
Parrhesia United 0-1 Stahlburg City
Chenoworth Rovers 2-6 Starling
Belgrave 1-4 AFC Treason
Cranequin Wanderers 2-0 Vermillion Rage
South Laithland 1-0 Leichhardt

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 AFC Treason            42   30   6   6    80   19  +61    96
 2 Brinemouth             42   29   5   8    94   36  +58    92
 3 Crisisbless            42   26  11   5    81   31  +50    89
--
16 South Laithland        42   14   6  22    48   72  −24    48
17 Chenoworth Rovers      42   11  12  19    50   70  −20    45
18 Creed United           42   12   8  22    48   69  −21    44
19 Belgrave               42   12   8  22    62   89  −27    44
20 Parrhesia United       42   12   8  22    46   85  −39    44
21 Cranequin Wanderers    42    7  17  18    39   61  −22    38
22 Leichhardt             42    6  11  25    34   58  −24    29
23 Brookford Otters       42    6   9  27    34   91  −57    27
24 Chatswood              42    6   8  28    32   74  −42    26

12 points to play for.

Treason do what’s necessary and dumpster Belgrave, a flaky and flighty side who stand no chance against blood, thunder and the intrepid box-to-boxness of Lothaire Cromwell, who plays a hand in every goal and finishes two of the four. Brinemouth are similarly imperious, pushing Athletic aside with ease in a 3-0 win. That scoreline’s been reached by the hour, and Tony Dalton wisely reaches for the white flag by taking off Xixi Ens, saving the weary 31-year old for another fight. Crisisbless aren’t nearly so emphatic in victory, but secure it regardless when Purna Zazagan ruins an otherwise excellent game in midfield by hacking down Woakes on the edge of the area, with Germain drilling home the penalty. At the second time of asking; at first, Senninger thinks he’s saved it, but only after leaping a good eight to ten yards off the line. The Stags still need to put results away, but time is on their side.

Cranequin Wanderers manage to exert control over a match, Declan Mason rushed back from injury to play fifty agonised, hobbling minutes against Vermillion Rage. And at least he walks off on his own strength. It’s still scoreless by then, but curiously, Cranequin only then find their edge against Vermillion’s vulnerable underbelly, Syrene Fleetwood’s indifferent pass cut out by Keepsake and rifled upfield for 23-year old Dorotea Baro to take around Hartnett and in for her first Premiership goal of the season, before Koellner wins a penalty for Plibersek to thrash home the clinching goal. Neither Leichhardt nor Brookford win, so at least the Wanderers are probably safe from automatic relegation by this stage and will likely confirm it next round. Parrhesia are currently the next-weakest link, subdued against Stahlburg City and succumbing meekly when lumbering ogre Mathis Orsay heads home an 81st-minute corner.

Bishop 1-4 Armstrong
Mantlegrove 1-2 Diamondqueen
Goodfeather FC 2-0 Chardonnay Rangers
Iron City 1-3 Corvette Maulers
AFC Serpentine 3-0 Cranequin City
Alliance Barossia 2-3 Raven River
Peregrine 0-2 AFC Rochford
Morningstar 0-0 Crisisbless Athletic
Stahlburg Rovers 2-1 North Sabrefell
Chenoworth Harriers 2-0 Cypher Town
Vermillion Wanderers 3-0 Barossia United
The Strongest 0-0 Corinthians No Longer

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Chenoworth Harriers     42   30   7   5    84   30  +54    97
 2 Iron City               42   25   8   9    71   35  +36    83
 3 Diamondqueen            42   24   9   9    66   32  +34    81
 4 Vermillion Wanderers    42   23   8  11    67   32  +35    77
 5 Stahlburg Rovers        42   21  11  10    72   36  +36    74
 6 Mantlegrove             42   20   9  13    61   46  +15    69
--
20 Cranequin City          42    8  13  21    27   54  −27    37
21 The Strongest           42    9  10  23    46   95  −49    37
22 Peregrine               42    9   9  24    46   88  −42    36
23 Crisisbless Athletic    42    5  11  26    41   80  −39    26

Chenoworth Harriers win the First Division title.
Morningstar confirm relegation.
12 points to play for.

The award for the saddest match of the round goes to Stars’ 0-0 draw with Athletic. It confirms the hosts’ relegation and all but does the same for the visitors, too, with neither side having anything approaching a cutting edge. How many games have Morningstar won since sacking Serra Chilton? Still Zero. At least it’s a fourth straight draw. Current manager Prisca Stenet’s taken to writing scathing late-night Twii streams to her fans, taking on all questions and giving out answers like “yea idk if any of these useless fucks are even gonna keep us up in 2div next year lmao #firesale”, which has to be just wonderful for morale. At the other end, meanwhile, the Harriers make good on what they’ve been accelerating towards for the latter half of the season. First-half strikes from wingers Shearer and Coffey are enough to undo Cypher Town, and let Catheline Stensholt lift the First Division trophy on home soil. They’ve been indomitable all across the pitch, marshalled excellently by Lienke Vesper, though you’ll expect there’s still plenty of work to be done in the transfer window. The battle to join them in the Premiership rages on.

Creed get the type of match they’re looking for against Southfell, a gritty, bitey affair with lots of kicking and shoving. There’s even a rough wind on the northeastern moors that helps pile on the carnage. But they don’t get the result, and no prizes for guessing it’s Lyzolda Petrov that elevates the Tanners on the day, Forestier lumping forward and Petrov lashing a casual half-volley in off the inside of an upright. Chardonnay almost score within thirteen seconds, a point-blank near-post header from Cynthia Rayne surprising Yves Carroll and forcing a split-second tip over the bar, but it’s as good as it gets. Rayne does get her goal, late on, when Carroll spills a long shot from holding midfielder Bresonik, but victory is a remote prospect for the last remaining second-tier side.

Aries Chariots 3-1 AFC Corvistone
Crisisbless 2-1 Coret Hawks
Crisisbless United 2-0 Chatswood
Newrook City 1-1 Brinemouth
North Laithland 1-0 Brookford Otters
Sabrefell Athletic 3-1 Creed United
Sabrefell Moths 1-1 Parrhesia United
Southfell United 1-0 Chenoworth Rovers
Stahlburg City 2-0 Belgrave
Starling 2-1 Cranequin Wanderers
AFC Treason 2-1 South Laithland
Vermillion Rage 2-1 Leichhardt

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 AFC Treason            43   31   6   6    82   20  +62    99
 2 Brinemouth             43   29   6   8    95   37  +58    93
 3 Crisisbless            43   27  11   5    83   32  +51    92
--
17 Chenoworth Rovers      43   11  12  20    50   71  −21    45
18 Parrhesia United       43   12   9  22    47   86  −39    45
19 Creed United           43   12   8  23    49   72  −23    44
20 Belgrave               43   12   8  23    62   91  −29    44
21 Cranequin Wanderers    43    7  17  19    40   63  −23    38
22 Leichhardt             43    6  11  26    35   60  −25    29

Brookford Otters and Chatswood relegated.
9 points to play for.

Treason seem to play rivals all the time, but that’s only natural since about half the Premiership despises them. South Laithland are next, hanging around midtable with a distinct sense of relief after their appalling start, and Leigh Fletcher’s words are music to their ears: “We still remember Allbeck, Flaccus, Connacht. We’re hungry, and it’s time for venison.” 1) who the fuck still says venison? 2) Fletcher’s… generous frame combines with the analogy for plenty of memes. 3) they lose 2-1. That puts the pressure on Brinemouth, against nearby Newrook. Another lower-midtable side, though in a more stable way. Three minutes in, things go off-script; Ryan Bull shanks a goalkick, lucklessly it flights straight to Arkady Rozier, who has the presence of mind to trap the ball and the technique to loft it over the scrambling goalkeeper. That’s what people will remember, not the eight fine saves Bull made as the Rooks, high on confidence, relentlessly pressed a Dockers side that eventually went down to 10 thanks to Micha Burkhard’s overenthusiastic defending nearly bisecting Bronson. The Dockers were under pressure. They needed an out. They needed Desya Kuznetsov, who put it best after his shinned near-post finish salvages at least a point for the Dockers; “I goal.” You do indeed, Kuzi. You do indeed.

At the bottom, the inevitable happens. Brookford Otters have been valiant and entertaining, but after early good form wore off never seriously looked like staying up; a slack defeat to North Laithland is an unfair note to leave on. Chatswood are beaten easily by Crisisbless United, and are the resounding disappointment of this season, never looking like staying up. Leichhardt have all but followed them; Felicia Brind’s ferocious strike blazes past Hartnett to set them ahead against Vermillion early on, and Stevenson misses a free header to put them 2-0 up on the stroke of half-time. Vermillion come at them relentlessly, and there’s no counterattack open. Eventually, Bartok’s guard is breached, the rangy goalkeeper only able to parry Fleetwood’s curling strike into the path of Kinbois, who duly levels. Late on, Kinbois skips past her marker with insulting ease and lays one across the face of goal, Mrdja drives home the winner immediately before Radu Bartok absolutely cleans her out, suddenly making her a World Cup doubt (though to mass relief estimates only play it down as a week’s injury).

Armstrong 1-0 Mantlegrove
Bishop 0-0 Goodfeather FC
Diamondqueen 1-1 Iron City
Chardonnay Rangers 3-2 AFC Serpentine
Corvette Maulers 2-2 Alliance Barossia
Cranequin City 4-2 Peregrine
Raven River 1-0 Morningstar
AFC Rochford 2-2 Stahlburg Rovers
Crisisbless Athletic 0-1 Chenoworth Harriers
North Sabrefell 1-3 Vermillion Wanderers
Cypher Town 1-0 The Strongest
Barossia United 2-1 Corinthians No Longer

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Chenoworth Harriers     43   31   7   5    85   30  +55   100
 2 Iron City               43   25   9   9    72   36  +36    84
 3 Diamondqueen            43   24  10   9    67   33  +34    82
 4 Vermillion Wanderers    43   24   8  11    70   33  +37    80
 5 Stahlburg Rovers        43   21  12  10    74   38  +36    75
--
20 Cranequin City          43    9  13  21    31   56  −25    40
21 The Strongest           43    9  10  24    46   96  −50    37
22 Peregrine               43    9   9  25    48   92  −44    36

Crisisbless Athletic confirm relegation.
9 points to play for.

Surprising nobody, Crisisbless Athletic go down. Embarrassingly for them, Chenoworth manager Lienke Vesper describes the Harriers’ visit as a dead rubber and brings a bunch of kids, seemingly unaware that Athletic were still mathematically capable of staying up. Nevertheless, Riviera Sanders’ deflected strike floating in from the wing is enough to secure the win and the Harriers’ century. There’s matches of serious importance at both sides of the table, though; Diamondqueen and Iron battle to a 1-1 draw, Diamondqueen dominating the ball but unable to convert it into goals outside of a single thunderbolt from a Hestia Bowman free kick that arcs beautifully over the wall and past Olexander, before being pegged back when Vermouth knocks down a cross to the veteran substitute forward Athena Haagensen, who stabs home what might be the last goal of her professional career. Peregrine, meanwhile, leave themselves painfully exposed. Cranequin City cannot hurt you if you hunt down and kill Sasha Wheaton, which the Falconers neglect to do and thus open themselves up to a painful 4-2 defeat, one that puts them in serious jeopardy.

Both favourites close out the game without really being challenged. Irresistible forces play at becoming immovable forces for a day. But Bryony Lindt between the posts for Chardonnay’s won a few more admirers, perhaps - these are the only Cup matches she’s played, but the 25-year old played a large part keeping the score down.

Coret Hawks 0-2 Aries Chariots
Chatswood 1-2 AFC Corvistone
Brinemouth 1-1 Crisisbless
Brookford Otters 1-1 Crisisbless United
Creed United 2-1 Newrook City
Parrhesia United 1-0 North Laithland
Chenoworth Rovers 0-0 Sabrefell Athletic
Belgrave 0-1 Sabrefell Moths
Cranequin Wanderers 0-3 Southfell United
South Laithland 1-0 Stahlburg City
Leichhardt 5-2 Starling
Vermillion Rage 4-2 AFC Treason

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 AFC Treason            44   31   6   7    84   24  +60    99
 2 Brinemouth             44   29   7   8    96   38  +58    94
 3 Crisisbless            44   27  12   5    84   33  +51    93
--
20 Belgrave               44   12   8  24    62   92  −30    44
21 Cranequin Wanderers    44    7  17  20    40   66  −26    38
22 Leichhardt             44    7  11  26    40   62  −22    32

Parrhesia United, Creed United and Chenoworth Rovers confirm their survival.
6 points to play for.

Vermillion don’t exist to compete seriously at either end of the table. Vermillion exist to make things interesting, by doing things like conclusively outplaying and beating Treason in a 4-2 win which arguably flatters the Stags, who sport 41% of the ball and just three shots on target. Syrene Fleetwood subtly signals her aspirations for better things abroad with a mimed phone and a mouthed “Call me!” after smashing home the finale, her second of the match. That leaves Brinemouth and Crisisbless to face off against each other; Brinemouth can still trim the deficit to three points with what would necessarily be a GD advantage if they closed the gap from there, and while Crisisbless cannot, they’re still playing to be on the table. Who wins? The Stags; the sides cancel each other out in a game that is high on technique but low on thrills, individual moments of brilliance from respective talismans rue Cazade and Woakes proving the only goals of the game.

Leichhardt’s situation is grim. They need three wins; they also need Cranequin Wanderers to suffer three defeats. But that isn’t quite as insane as that sounds. In the table since Cyrus Kroger took over on round 31, initially on a caretaker basis, Leichhardt are 19th and Cranequin 23rd. The Stargazers haven’t been magnificent, but they’ve been capable enough. 19th looks really good right about now. Unfortunately, on that same largely arbitrary form table, next opponents Starling are second. Reversion to the mean is a bitch. Still, it’s a sort-of derby, and if you say the form book’s out of the window enough then it’s bound to come true, right? Apparently so. Brind, star of that run, forces an early corner with a shot that caroms off Berg, then slaps that corner into the path of Tess Saunders’ head for the opener. Klempner forces a second when Berg coughs up possession under pressure - bonus, the shoulder-charge that forces it sees Berg come off winded. Klempner drags home his second and Leichhardt’s third when a long throw from Somner hits paydirt - seriously, the game’s only 25 minutes old? Starling fight back, as they must - on the stroke of half-time, Dostalok smashes home from an acute angle and that threatens to change the narrative. It doesn’t. Meier and Roxel trade blows just before the hour mark, and then Ernie Stevenson comes off the bench to score with his first touch to make sure of a staggering victory. Oh, yeah; and the Wanderers get fucking pasted by Southfell.

Goodfeather FC 1-2 Armstrong
Iron City 1-2 Mantlegrove
AFC Serpentine 3-2 Bishop
Alliance Barossia 0-2 Diamondqueen
Peregrine 1-1 Chardonnay Rangers
Morningstar 0-2 Corvette Maulers
Stahlburg Rovers 3-1 Cranequin City
Chenoworth Harriers 2-1 Raven River
Vermillion Wanderers 0-0 AFC Rochford
The Strongest 2-1 Crisisbless Athletic
Corinthians No Longer 0-2 North Sabrefell
Barossia United 1-2 Cypher Town

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Chenoworth Harriers     44   32   7   5    87   31  +56   103
 2 Diamondqueen            44   25  10   9    69   33  +36    85
 3 Iron City               44   25   9  10    73   38  +35    84
 4 Vermillion Wanderers    44   24   9  11    70   33  +37    81
 5 Stahlburg Rovers        44   22  12  10    77   39  +38    78
--
20 Cranequin City          44    9  13  22    32   59  −27    40
21 The Strongest           44   10  10  24    48   97  −49    40
22 Peregrine               44    9  10  25    49   93  −44    37

6 points to play.

Iron City finally get hauled out of second, and things could suddenly become a lot more precarious when another resilient, dogged performance from 10 Dryads backing up Alexandra Lazarou doing whatever the hell she wants is enough to snatch victory. The Strongest have had a trump card in the relegation battle this entire time; they’d yet to play Athletic at home. And now they do so, making rather heavy weather of the affair, but Tulaska Sunstroem shows the necessary inspiration down the left flank and retro name Hippolyta Theophile crops up with what might be the last goal of a soon-to-end career, just kind of hitting and hoping and benefiting from a slight deflection off Valente on its way past Verlinden. That, for now, raises them to the playoff.

The numbers are unforgiving at the bottom. Leichhardt need everything to go their way to have a chance at the playoff place; Cranequin need everything to go their way to have a chance at true safety. Belgrave get buried 4-1 by North Laithland in the earliest match of the round, which is the first thing Cranequin need. The second is a goal against Sabrefell Athletic, which Koeller knocks down for Shona Butcher to drive home, somehow unmarked. The third is not to concede four at the other end before half-time. Oh. Leichhardt can’t capitalise, though, God, they try - Lyzolda Petrov inevitably strikes first for the Tanners, unlikely goal machine Emil Klempner levels the scores, Petrov plays provider for Lissa Anselm to make it 2-1 just after the hour, Stevenson hits a post, Brind shaves the outside of a post, Gavaris makes a brilliant double save to deny Stevenson and Klempner in succession, Meier has a penalty shout denied… but it’s not to be. The Stargazers are defiant, but ultimately down. Brinemouth do the job in Coret, and wait, pensively.

Treason have the harder task; Starling await, a wildly out-of-form facsimile of proper Starling this season, yes, but Starling away regardless. Early on, Starling hammer on the door, but Treason throw bodies in the way. Lockheed stifles a shot from Dostalok, Kesteren’s brought down just outside the fringe of the box by Kolar, Gisella Riaz wriggles clear of two markers only to shoot, off-balance, straight into Clavel’s chest. And they’re made to pay. Va’Afaja flattens Vandermark and, still prone, stabs the ball forward to McInnes, who races on and swings in a cross. Green shirts rise, but white and red rises higher. Metzger knocks down. Kaba swings at it desperately, it thuds off his thigh and is picked up by his countryman, Idai Uster, and driven low past Smordal, and although Starling draw level in 40 minutes the tone has been set and Treason win with lethal efficiency in both boxes, just as they’ve done all season long in all competitions. This is Cheney Bittencourt’s crowning triumph. This… is the record-extending tenth Premiership title for AFC Treason.

Diamondqueen can clinch promotion with victory at home over long-relegated Morningstar, a Stars side who haven’t scored in four games and make it five by the end, with a terrifically unambitious lineup from Prisca Stenet. Not only do the kids get brought out, but they get brought out in a deep 4-1-4-1, and the midfield bodies are hurled violently into their foes. It ends scoreless, thanks in large part to Catra Paderborn’s fine work between the posts. But they remain in a commanding position, as perversely do Vermillion Wanderers following a hard-fought win in Cranequin. Iron City fall silent in Armstrong, a physical team dropping to Armstrong’s level and losing out, while Stahlburg stay in the chase by battering Chardonnay Rangers. At the bottom, Peregrine are aggrieved to concede late to Bishop, an equaliser with shades of offside to swing what was going to be a deserved win. The difference between 20th and 22nd. But they remain in the chase, even if they’re at the back of the pack for now...

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 AFC Treason              45  32   6   7  87  25  +62  102
  2 Brinemouth               45  30   7   8  98  38  +60   97
  3 Crisisbless              45  28  12   5  85  33  +52   96
  4 AFC Corvistone           45  26   5  14  75  48  +27   83
  5 Sabrefell Moths          45  23  13   9  72  47  +25   82
  6 Sabrefell Athletic       45  23   9  13  97  64  +33   78
  7 Aries Chariots           45  22  12  11  78  53  +25   78
  8 Vermillion Rage          45  22   8  15  71  53  +18   74
  9 Southfell United         45  22   8  15  75  67   +8   74
 10 Stahlburg City           45  20  13  12  53  44   +9   73
 11 Starling                 45  20   9  16  83  66  +17   69
 12 North Laithland          45  18   9  18  60  57   +3   63
 13 Crisisbless United       45  17  11  17  54  71  -17   62
 14 Newrook City             45  13  12  20  61  71  -10   51
 15 Coret Hawks              45  13  12  20  47  68  -21   51
 16 South Laithland          45  15   6  24  51  76  -25   51
 17 Parrhesia United         45  14   9  22  51  88  -37   51
 18 Chenoworth Rovers        45  11  14  20  52  73  -21   47
 19 Creed United             45  13   8  24  51  74  -23   47
 20 Belgrave                 45  12   8  25  63  96  -33   44
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      45   7  17  21  42  70  -28   38
 22 Leichhardt               45   7  12  26  42  64  -22   33
 23 Brookford Otters         45   7  10  28  38  94  -56   31
 24 Chatswood                45   6   8  31  33  79  -46   26

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers        45  32   7   6  87  33  +54  103
  2 Diamondqueen               45  25  11   9  69  33  +36   86
  3 Vermillion Wanderers       45  25   9  11  71  33  +38   84
  4 Iron City                  45  25   9  11  73  39  +34   84
  5 Stahlburg Rovers           45  23  12  10  81  40  +41   81
  6 Armstrong                  45  21  12  12  55  42  +13   75
  7 Mantlegrove                45  21  10  14  63  48  +15   73
  8 Cypher Town                45  22   7  16  47  39   +8   73
  9 North Sabrefell            45  21   9  15  59  48  +11   72
 10 Raven River                45  19  13  13  68  51  +17   70
 11 Goodfeather FC             45  18  14  13  76  57  +19   68
 12 Corvette Maulers           45  13  21  11  59  59   +0   60
 13 AFC Rochford               45  16  11  18  41  51  -10   59
 14 AFC Serpentine             45  17   7  21  61  63   -2   58
 15 Corinthians No Longer      45  15  11  19  58  77  -19   56
 16 Bishop                     45  13  16  16  55  65  -10   55
 17 Alliance Barossia          45  16   6  23  36  52  -16   54
 18 Chardonnay Rangers         45  12  14  19  59  67   -8   50
 19 Barossia United            45  11  17  17  48  61  -13   50
 20 Cranequin City             45   9  13  23  32  60  -28   40
 21 The Strongest              45  10  10  25  48  98  -50   40
 22 Peregrine                  45   9  11  25  50  94  -44   38
 23 Crisisbless Athletic       45   5  12  28  44  85  -41   27
 24 Morningstar                45   3  16  26  31  76  -45   25

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Gonen's Bridge            45  30   6   9  94  43  +51  96
  2 Greygate                  45  26  11   8  81  46  +35  89
  3 Aries Solitaire           45  25  10  10  87  43  +44  85
  4 Pillars of Southfell      45  19  17   9  60  40  +20  74
  5 Hackett                   45  21  10  14  68  51  +17  73
  6 Riverkey                  45  21  10  14  44  36   +8  73
  7 Dartmouth Terriers        45  19  15  11  61  53   +8  72
  8 Locksley                  45  18  16  11  81  58  +23  70
  9 West Brinemouth           45  18  15  12  52  41  +11  69
 10 Ritter Town               45  19  11  15  61  56   +5  68
 11 Sheridan                  45  17  14  14  41  35   +6  65
 12 Falston United            45  15  19  11  59  54   +5  64
 13 Autumnstone               45  15  15  15  60  62   -2  60
 14 Ballardine FC             45  16  12  17  56  63   -7  60
 15 Boltcroft Thorns          45  17   5  23  73  83  -10  56
 16 Extreme Hills             45  14  12  19  66  72   -6  54
 17 Stonegrave                45  14  11  20  41  56  -15  53
 18 Gosmouth Swans            45  13  13  19  61  71  -10  52
 19 The Hanged Man            45  14  10  21  35  47  -12  52
 20 Lazuli Diamonds           45  12   9  24  57  88  -31  45
 21 Kommissar                 45  10  10  25  50  92  -42  40
 22 Crossroads Town           45  10   6  29  40  75  -35  36
 23 Lockheed Zenith           45   7  15  23  36  72  -36  36
 24 AFC Shale                 45   7  14  24  29  56  -27  35

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Mapleford                    45  30   6   9   97   40  +57  96
  2 Rochford Pilgrims            45  29   7   9   97   49  +48  94
  3 Ingram Township              45  29   7   9   70   32  +38  94
  4 Kensey Town                  45  24   9  12  103   60  +43  81
  5 New Oakstone Phoenix         45  23   9  13   88   61  +27  78
  6 Brindleton                   45  22  10  13   73   48  +25  76
  7 Southriver                   45  22   9  14   74   48  +26  75
  8 Caldwick Strand              45  23   4  18   62   58   +4  73
  9 Cranequin Souths             45  19  11  15   77   65  +12  68
 10 Martella Jazz                45  19  11  15   70   58  +12  68
 11 Strephonage                  45  17  15  13   57   50   +7  66
 12 Hartford Glade               45  17  13  15   67   63   +4  64
 13 Coret Rovers                 45  14  12  19   49   60  -11  54
 14 West Hook                    45  15   9  21   44   65  -21  54
 15 Brokenarch                   45  13  14  18   50   54   -4  53
 16 Crownsend Journey            45  13  14  18   54   72  -18  53
 17 East Laithland Harriers      45  14   9  22   73   84  -11  51
 18 Constance Park               45  13  11  21   44   63  -19  50
 19 Riverkey Shells              45  13  10  22   71   91  -20  49
 20 Sirencall FC                 45  12  11  22   52   81  -29  47
 21 Rookwall                     45  10  13  22   39   76  -37  43
 22 Fully Sick XI                45  12   5  28   49   85  -36  41
 23 Iberia Chenoworth            45  11   6  28   59  111  -52  39
 24 Downsparrow                  45   9   9  27   45   90  -45  36

Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

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