[description]It has been a really busy week and you are spending your Friday afternoon sitting in your office and sipping your tea, but you are suddenly startled by strange noises coming from outside and you wonder what the commotion is about. A moment later, Edward Rump, a famous @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ tycoon and reality TV star, barges into your room with his disheveled hair and demands to speak with the manager, which, in this case, is you. (Sad!)
[validity] all
1. [option]"Look at what your stupid shower regulations did to my absolutely amazing, beautiful hair," Edward Rump whines, standing in front of your mirror and trying to comb down his recalcitrant fluffs of hair with his fat fingers. "It's crazy how bathrooms look in this country. You turn on the tap, the water doesn't come out, you wanna wash your hands, there is not enough water; or you wanna take a shower, and you get a miserably thin thread of water coming from the shower head, and look at what insufficient amounts of water did to my hair! I don't know about you, @@LEADER@@, but my hair has to be perfect!" He draws a deep breath and emphatically reiterates "PERFECT! So I say we should do away with any environmental regulations that restrict the volume of water that comes from a nozzle. Make it five nozzles, ten nozzles, fifteen nozzles per shower head. Gallons of water, washing over my luxuriant hair and nourishing it. If we are the greatest country on Earth - and we are, I assure you - we should have lots of water to wash our hair with and many people say that it is great to have plenty of water to wash your hair with. I have talked to experts about this, like, I have a friend in @@CAPITAL@@, an exemplary businessman and colleague and do you know what he tells me? He tells me, 'Oh, Mr. Rump, I have a beautiful daughter, her hair is beautiful but lately her hair has been bad, like, really, really bad; and why? Because it is the water in this country. She didn't have enough water and her hair was falling off, her hair wasn't shining anymore.' And I said to him, 'Don't worry, my friend, I will talk to @@LEADER@@, we will straighten this out.' It is incredible how little water comes out when you turn on a faucet, really. There needs to be more water if you want to take good care of your hair. Read the manuals, read the books. They all say that water is good for your hair and everybody knows that water is good for your hair, too. It didn't use to be so bad in the past, but do you know what I realized? It got worse lately because these fancy-shmancy tree-huggers say that using enough water to wash your hair is bad for the environment or something. And I say to them 'Have you been to the ocean, lately? I have an estate on the @@ANIMAL@@ Sea Coast, I was there last weekend, and you go to the beach, you look out on the sea, and you know it is a huge expanse of water, and when I say huge, I mean HUGE, almost as huge as my man parts and ask Stormy if you don't believe me and how can you say there is not enough water out there?' There is enough water of course, it just doesn't come through the nozzle, but it should come through the nozzle when you go into the shower. If we change this and we get more water, I believe, my hair is going to be great again. As I said, you can maybe also install more nozzles and if there is 10 gallons of water coming through one nozzle per minute and you have seven or eight nozzles per shower head and if you take a 15 minute shower every day-" He is dragged out from your room by your security guard as he continues to ramble on in the corridor.
[effect]going into a regular shower in @@NAME@@ feels like going to a water park
2. [option]"What?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Environment, completely appalled and aghast. "No, @@LEADER@@, that's a horrible idea. The current volume of water we are getting is even higher than the world average and think of all the places in our world like Kawandaland where people die of infectious diseases because they do not have access to clean drinking water. Isn't it extremely irresponsible of us to waste water like this? If anything, we should enforce the regulations more strictly and publish advisories for people to show them how they could reduce their water use."
[effect]@@NAME@@'s new radio jingles shower people with tips to use less water
3. [option]"This is a good idea, but it will not be effective without a little financial incentive," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Treasurer, rubbing @@HIS@@ hands. "You can lead a horse to water, but will it drink? You can tell a person to use less water, but will they do so? On the other hand, if we imposed exponentially increasing punitive environmental taxes on every 1 cubic meter of water that households use, people would be incentivized to follow the advisories. And boom! We would also have another source of revenue." He finishes off with a complacent smile, while Edward Rump's distant cry can be heard at the end of the corridor.
[effect]spending money like water is no longer a metaphor
