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[SUBMITTED] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

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Daarwyrth
Minister
 
Posts: 2416
Founded: Jul 05, 2016
Ex-Nation

[SUBMITTED] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

Postby Daarwyrth » Fri Jul 24, 2020 2:38 pm

This issue is heavily based on the situation in Poland, where several regions of the country have declared themselves unwelcoming of LGBT ideologies, by signing a so-called Family Card (Karta Rodzinna). In the Writer's Block thread I was told there wasn't an issue about this specific subject yet, so I hope there isn't too much overlap with other LGBTQ related issues :)

Regarding feedback, there are a few things I'd specifically like to get comments on:

1. The validity. I am unsure whether this should be an issue for nations that have Devolution only, or whether it should also be included for nations that have given some autonomy to regional authorities. I have encountered a few issues myself where the option to give some autonomy to local authorities didn't immediately install the Devolution policy. I'd like to know what others think of this and whether other validities should be added as well.

2. Does the premise convey it's real world inspiration well enough? Or does it need more clarity/need to be sharpened?

3. Option 4. This option might seem like a reversal for Devolution and of course not every issue on the topic of a policy needs a reversal included in the options. As such, I have left it in for the first draft, but if people feel it would be better to leave it out, I can reduce the options to 3 in a subsequent draft.


CURRENT DRAFT:
[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy, Homosexuality is legal

[Description] Recently, @@CAPITAL@@'s city council publicly declared their support of the LGBTQ+ community. Outraged at the decision, a number of traditionally conservative counties signed a declaration in which they promised to uphold "traditional family values" and to prohibit any public activity supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, within the scope of regional autonomy. Civil rights activists promptly decried these places as "Rainbow-Exclusion Zones", further incensing the counties in question.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens from these rainbow alphabet rogues and their deplorable ideas," huffs the Mayor of Togib County, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Look, we're not asking for your signature, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the local authorities. Only then will we be able to protect the most susceptible minds among us!" upon which a flyer for a gay dating service called Groindr drops from Mayor's jacket.

[Effect 1] colourful attire is branded "propagation of dangerous ideologies" in some @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ provinces

[Option 2] "You can't allow such declarations of hatred and division to be accepted in a colourful country like @@NAME@@!" protests Togib County resident and openly homosexual @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, who looks as if @@HE_2@@ had been at the center of a crayon factory explosion. "Mandate all regional authorities adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and fair treatment of the LGBTQ+ community, regardless of their level of autonomy! And if any of them oppose..." @@HE_2@@ slams @@HIS_2@@ fist against @@HIS_2@@ hand.

[Effect 2] counties removing rainbow graffiti have their budgets summarily cut

[Option 3] "And this is why I always tag along," cheerfully remarks your Minister of Compromise @@RANDONNAME_3@@, wearing a half grey and half rainbow suit. "Why don't you allow counties such as Togib to pass their pro-tradition declarations, but mandate they pay for and arrange the relocation of their local LGBTQ+ communities to more welcoming places like @@CAPITAL@@? Oh, the harmony it will instill across @@NAME@@..." @@HE_3@@ finishes contentedly, staring off into the distance.

[Effect 3] the colour is slowly being drained out of some of @@NAME@@'s counties


DRAFT 7:
[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy, Homosexuality is legal

[Description] Recently, @@CAPITAL@@'s city council publicly declared their support of the LGBTQ+ community. Outraged at the decision, a number of traditionally conservative counties signed a declaration in which they promised to uphold "traditional family values" and to prohibit any public activity supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, within the scope of regional autonomy. Promptly, civil rights activists decried these counties as "Rainbow-Exclusion Zones" and have loudly voiced their opposition.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens from these rainbow alphabet rogues and their deplorable ideas," huffs the Mayor of Togib County, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Look, we're not asking for your signature, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the local authorities. Only then will we be able to protect our most susceptible!" upon which a flyer for a gay dating service called Groindr drops from Mayor's jacket.

[Effect 1] colourful attire is branded "propagation of dangerous ideologies" in some @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ provinces

[Option 2] "That's not enough!" barks @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your ultra-conservative Minister for the Family, dressed in a suit as fiery red as @@HIS_1@@ rage. "These sexual deviants have been trying to dictate our ways of life for far too long - to Violet's wailing hell with them!" @@HE_1@@ exclaims, drops of @@HIS_1@@ spittle landing in your nice cup of camomile tea. "@@LEADER@@, follow the example of these fine, patriotic counties and sign their declaration yourself, in the name of @@NAME@@!"

[Effect 2] men who dye their hair are accused of spitting upon the nation's avowed heterosexuality

[Option 3] "You can't allow such declarations of hatred and division to be accepted in a colourful country like @@NAME@@!" protests Togib County resident and openly homosexual @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, who looks as if @@HE_2@@ had been at the center of a crayon factory explosion. "Mandate all regional authorities adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and fair treatment of the LGBTQ+ community, regardless of their level of autonomy! And if any of them oppose..." @@HE_2@@ slams @@HIS_2@@ fist against @@HIS_2@@ hand.

[Effect 3] counties removing rainbow graffiti have their budgets summarily cut

[Option 4] "And this is why I always tag along," cheerfully remarks your Minister of Compromise @@RANDONNAME_3@@, wearing a half grey and half rainbow suit. "Why don't you allow counties such as Togib to pass their pro-tradition declarations, but mandate they pay for and arrange the relocation of their local LGBTQ+ communities to more welcoming places like @@CAPITAL@@? Oh, the harmony it will instill across @@NAME@@..." @@HE_3@@ finishes contentedly, staring off into the distance.

[Effect 4] the colour is slowly being drained out of some of @@NAME@@'s counties


DRAFT 6:
[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy, Homosexuality is legal

[Description] Recently, @@CAPITAL@@'s city council publicly declared their support of the LGBTQ+ community, within the scope of its regional autonomy. Outraged at the decision, a number of traditionally conservative counties signed a declaration in which they promised to uphold "traditional family values" and to prohibit any public activity supportive of the LGBTQ+ community within their borders. Promptly, civil rights activists decried these counties as "Rainbow-Exclusion Zones" and have loudly voiced their opposition.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens from these rainbow alphabet rogues and their deplorable ideas," huffs the Mayor of Togib County, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Look, we're not asking for your signature, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the local authorities. Only then will we be able to protect our most susceptible!"

[Effect 1] colourful attire is branded "propagation of dangerous ideologies" in some @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ provinces

[Option 2] "That's not enough!" barks @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your ultra-conservative Minister for the Family, dressed in a suit as fiery red as @@HIS_1@@ rage. "These sexual deviants have been trying to dictate our ways of life for far too long - to Violet's wailing hell with them! @@LEADER@@, follow the example of these fine, patriotic counties and sign their declaration yourself, in the name of @@NAME@@!"

[Effect 2] men who dye their hair are accused of spitting upon the nation's avowed heterosexuality

[Option 3] "You can't allow such declarations of hatred and division to be accepted in a colourful country like @@NAME@@!" protests Togib County resident and openly homosexual @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, who looks as if @@HE_2@@ had been at the center of a crayon factory explosion. "Mandate all regional authorities adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and fair treatment of the LGBTQ+ community, regardless of their level of autonomy! And if any of them oppose..." @@HE_2@@ slams @@HIS_2@@ fist against @@HIS_2@@ hand.

[Effect 3] counties removing rainbow graffiti have their budgets summarily cut

[Option 4] "And this is why I always tag along," cheerfully remarks your Minister of Compromise @@RANDONNAME_3@@, wearing a half grey and half rainbow suit. "Why don't you allow counties such as Togib to pass their pro-tradition declarations, but mandate they pay for and arrange the relocation of their local LGBTQ+ communities to more welcoming places like @@CAPITAL@@? Oh, the harmony it will instill across @@NAME@@..." @@HE_3@@ finishes contentedly, staring off into the distance.

[Effect 4] the colour is slowly being drained out of some of @@NAME@@'s counties


DRAFT 5:
[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy

[Description] Recently, the @@CAPITAL@@'s city council publicly declared their support of the LGBTQ+ community. Outraged at the decision, a number of traditionally conservative counties signed a declaration in which they promised to uphold "traditional family values" and to prohibit any public activity supportive of the LGBTQ+ community within their borders. Promptly, civil rights activists decried these counties "Rainbow-Exclusion Zones" and have loudly voiced their opposition since.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens from these rainbow alphabet rogues and their deplorable ideas," huffs the Mayor of Togib County, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Look, we're not asking for your signature, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the local authorities. Only then will we be able to protect our most susceptible!"

[Effect 1] colourful attire is branded "propagation of dangerous ideologies" in some @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ provinces

[Option 2] "That's not enough!" barks @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your ultra-conservative Minister for the Family, dressed in a suit as fiery red as @@HIS_1@@ rage. "These sexual deviants have been trying to dictate our ways of life for far too long - to Violet's wailing hell with them! @@LEADER@@, follow the example of these fine, patriotic counties and sign their declaration yourself, in the name of all of @@NAME@@!"

[Effect 2] men who dye their hair are accused of spitting upon the nation's avowed heterosexuality

[Option 3] "You can't allow such declarations of hatred and division to be accepted in a colourful country like @@NAME@@!" protests Togib County resident and openly homosexual @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, who looks as if @@HE_2@@ had been at the center of a crayon factory explosion. "Mandate all regional authorities adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and fair treatment of the LGBTQ+ community, regardless of their level of autonomy! And if any of them oppose..." @@HE_2@@ slams @@HIS_2@@ fist against @@HIS_2@@ hand.

[Effect 3] counties removing rainbow graffiti have their budgets summarily cut

[Option 4] "You're lucky I'm here," says your Minister of Compromise @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, wearing a half gray and half rainbow suit. "Why don't you allow counties such as Togib to pass their pro-tradition declarations, but mandate that they have to designate special, cordoned-off areas within their borders where the LGBTQ+ community can openly and freely act under government protection. That way everyone can live side by side in perfect harmony!" @@HE_3@@ finishes as @@HE_3@@ contently stares off into the distance.

[Effect 4] conservatives and homosexuals keep building walls around one another

[Option 5] "Isn't our capital a vision of true splendor?" asks Mayor of @@CAPITAL@@, wearing exactly the same attire as you, gesturing towards the window overlooking the cityscape. "This no-good declaration of the peripheries proves they haven't a single clue of what they're doing! Only us fine folk here in the capital can get it right. To remain civilized, mandate that every county, town, and city be remodeled in the image of our nation's muse of @@CAPITAL@@, without exception! Only then will we be able to instill perfection across all of @@NAME@@..."

[Effect 5] bemused tourists swear their touringcars are going in circles


DRAFT 4:
[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy

[Description] Recently, the city council of @@CAPITAL@@ promised to promote tolerance and acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community within the city. Dismayed, a number of traditionally conservative counties came together to write their own counter-declaration, in which they promise to uphold "traditional family values", and to prohibit any public activity within their borders that would be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Promptly, civil rights activists decried these counties "Rainbow-Exclusion Zones" and have protested the supposed stigmatization of non-heteronormative individuals since.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens from what we consider to be morally wrong," huffs the Mayor of Togib County @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Those rainbow alphabet rogues want to trick our people into believing that marriage can be more than a union between a man and a woman or that it's fine for a guy to decide to become a gal overnight. Despicable ideology! Look, we're not asking for your signature, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the responsibility of local authorities. Only then will we be able to protect our dumb-err, I mean, most susceptible!"

[Effect 1] wearing colourful attire is decried as "propagating dangerous ideologies" in some of @@NAME@@'s regions

[Option 2] "That's not enough!" cries out a red-faced @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, your ultra-conservative Minister for the Family, dressed in a suit as fiery as @@HIS_2@@ burning hatred. "Those sexual deviants have been trying to dictate our ways of life for too long and it's time to take a definitive stance against them. @@LEADER@@, follow the example of these fine, patriotic counties and sign their declaration yourself, in the name of all of @@NAME@@!"

[Effect 2] men who dye their hair are arrested as threats to the nation's avowed heterosexuality

[Option 3] "And condemn innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ to a lifetime of discrimination and exclusion?" asks Togib County resident and openly homosexual @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, donning clothes that look as if they had been at the center of a crayon factory explosion. "You can't allow such declarations of hatred and division to be accepted in a colourful country like @@NAME@@! Mandate that all regional authorities must adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community. And if any of them oppose..." @@HE_3@@ slams @@HIS_3@@ fist against @@HIS_3@@ hand.

[Effect 3] counties removing graffiti from their streets are sanctioned for "suppressing the colours of @@NAME@@"

[Option 4] "You're lucky I'm here," says your Minister of Compromise @@RANDOMNAME_4@@, wearing a suit which is half gray and half every-colour-of-the-rainbow. "Yes, we need to respect the level of autonomy we have given to our regional authorities, but we also have to protect our minorities from stigmatization and discrimination. Allow counties such as Togib to pass their pro-tradition declarations, but mandate that they have to designate special, cordoned-off areas within their borders where the LGBTQ+ community can openly and freely act under government protection. That way everyone can live side by side in perfect harmony!” @@HE_4@@ finishes contentedly as @@HE_4@@ stares off into the distance.

[Effect 4] conservatives are wringing their hands to wall in the LGBTQ+ zones

[Option 5] "@@LEADER@@, come look, it's @@CAPITAL@@. Isn't it beautiful?" mellowly asks its mayor @@RANDOMNAME_5@@, wearing exactly the same attire as you, gesturing towards the window overlooking the cityscape. "This no-good declaration of the peripheries proves they haven't a single clue of what they're doing! Only us fine folk here in the capital can get it right. To remain civilized, you need to mandate that anything that happens in our nation's muse of @@CAPITAL@@, has to be replicated in every county, town and city elsewhere! Policies, buildings, parks, art... everything and without exception! Only then will we be able to instill perfection across all of @@NAME@@..."

[Effect 5] bemused tourists swear their touringcars are going in circles


DRAFT 3:
[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy

[Description] Recently, local authorities of several traditionally conservative counties in @@NAME@@ have signed the Declaration for the Family, in which they promise to uphold "traditional family values", and to prohibit any public activity within their borders that would be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Promptly, outraged LGBTQ+ activists have decried the signatory counties as "Rainbow-Free Zones" and have since passionately protested what they perceive to be the stigmatization of non-heteronormative individuals.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens, especially the young and susceptible," scoffs signatory to the declaration and the Mayor of Togib County @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Those rainbow alphabet deviants want to indoctrinate our children into believing that marriage can be more than a union between a man and a woman or that it's fine for a guy to decide to become a gal overnight. Despicable ideology! Look, we're not asking you to sign this declaration, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the responsibility of local authorities. Only then will we be able to protect our dumb-err, I mean, youngest!"

[Effect 1] wearing colourful attire is decried as "propagation of dangerous ideologies" in some of @@NAME@@'s regions

[Option 2] "And my protection?" asks resident of Togib County and openly queer @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, dressed as if @@HE_2@@ was at the center of an explosion within a crayon factory. "Do my safety and well-being no longer count in this county? Declarations of hatred and division such as these cannot be accepted in a colourful country like @@NAME@@! As the central government of this nation, it's your duty to protect the voiceless from being shouted over by the raging majority. Mandate that all regional authorities must adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community and that any deviants will be severely punished!" @@HE_2@@ says emboldened, only then frowning at @@HIS_2@@ last words.

[Effect 2] counties removing graffiti from their streets are sanctioned for "suppressing the colours of @@NAME@@"

[Option 3] "See, this is why I'm always by your side," says your Minister of Compromise @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, wearing a suit which is half gray and half every-colour-of-the-rainbow. "On the one hand we need to respect the degree of autonomy we have given to our regional authorities, but on the other we are called to protect the minorities within our nation from stigmatization and bigotry. Well, you don't have to choose! Allow counties such as Togib to pass their little declarations to become Rainbow-Free Zones, but mandate that they have to designate special, cordoned-off areas within their borders where the LGBTQ+ community can openly and freely act under government protection. That way everyone can live side by side peacefully, right? Right?"

[Effect 3] "it's for your own good" has become a common response to segregation

[Option 4] "@@LEADER@@, come look, it's @@CAPITAL@@. Isn't it beautiful?" mellowly asks your personal aide @@RANDOMNAME_4@@, wearing exactly the same attire as you, gesturing towards the window overlooking the cityscape. "You've given the peripheries too much freedom to deviate from what true splendor looks like. This declaration of theirs is proof of what they'll do to one another if they're left to their own devices. To restore order, you need to mandate that anything that happens in our nation's muse of @@CAPITAL@@, has to be replicated in every county, town and city elsewhere! Policies, laws, buildings, parks or statues... everything and without exception! Only then will we be able to instill perfection across all of @@NAME@@..."

[Effect 4] bemused tourists ask their tour guides why their touring cars keep circling back to @@CAPITAL@@ every time they leave


DRAFT 2:
[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy

[Description] Recently, local authorities of several traditionally conservative counties in @@NAME@@ have signed the Declaration for the Family, a document in which they promise to uphold and promote traditional values on family and to protect children from the influences of LGBT ideology, for example by prohibiting its propagation in public institutions such as schools. Outraged, LGBT activists posted pictures of themselves on Twitcher and MyFace posing in front of county signs whose authorities signed the declaration, having added stickers with "Rainbow-Free Zones" below the place names to voice their protest. With both sides ready to drink each other's blood, representatives from both groups demand a response from your government.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens, especially the young and susceptible," scoffs the Mayor of Togib County @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Those deviants from the rainbow alphabet want to indoctrinate our children into believing that marriage can be more than a union between a man and a woman or that it's fine for a guy to decide to become a gal overnight. Despicable ideology! Look, we're not going to ask you to sign this declaration, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the responsibility of local authorities. Even if it means that some of our counties will indeed become Rainbow-Free Zones. Only then will we be able to protect our dumb-err, I mean, youngest!"

[Effect 1] wearing colourful attire is decried as "propagation of dangerous ideologies" in some of @@NAME@@'s regions

[Option 2] "And what about my protection?" asks resident of Togib County and openly queer @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, dressed as if @@HE_2@@ was at the center of an explosion within a crayon factory. "Do my safety and well-being no longer count in this county? @@LEADER@@, you cannot allow such declarations of hatred and division to be accepted in a colourful country such as @@NAME@@! As the central government of this nation, it is your duty to protect the voiceless from being shouted over by the raging majority! Mandate that all regional authorities must adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBT community and that any deviants will be severely punished!" @@HE_2@@ says emboldened, only then frowning at @@HIS_2@@ last words.

[Effect 2] counties removing graffiti from their streets are sanctioned for "suppressing the colours of @@NAME@@"

[Option 3] "See, @@LEADER@@, this is why I'm always by your side," says your Minister of Compromise @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, wearing a suit which is half gray and half every-colour-of-the-rainbow. "On the one hand we need to respect the degree of autonomy we have given to our regional authorities, but on the other we are called to protect the minorities within our nation from being targeted by inequality and intolerance. But why not do both? Allow counties such as Togib to pass their little declarations to become Rainbow-Free Zones, but mandate that they have to give half of their territory over to the LGBT communities they effectively expel, to form their own counter-county! That way everyone can live side by side peacefully, right? Right?"

[Effect 3] counties in @@NAME@@ are effectively divided into a west and an east by barbed wire and high, concrete walls

[Option 4] "@@LEADER@@, come look, it's @@CAPITAL@@. Isn't it beautiful?" mellowly asks your personal aide @@RANDOMNAME_4@@, wearing exactly the same attire as you, gesturing towards the window overlooking @@NAME@@'s capital city. "The peripheries wouldn't recognize true splendor even if they scraped it off their compost-covered boots. They cannot be trusted to decide anything for themselves. You need to mandate that anything that happens in our nation's muse of @@CAPITAL@@, needs to happen in every county, town and city elsewhere! Policies, laws, buildings, parks or statues, everything needs to be exactly replicated, without exception. Before you know it, @@NAME@@ will be equally beautiful, everywhere..."

[Effect 4] bemused tourists ask their tour guides why their touring cars keep circling back to @@CAPITAL@@ every time they leave


DRAFT 1:
[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy

[Description] Recently, local authorities of several traditionally conservative counties in @@NAME@@ have signed the Declaration for the Family, a document in which they promise to uphold and promote traditional values on family and to protect children from the influences of LGBT ideology, for example by prohibiting its propagation in public institutions such as schools. Outraged, LGBT activists posted pictures of themselves on Twitcher and MyFace posing in front of county signs whose authorities signed the declaration, having added stickers with "Rainbow-Free Zones" below the place names to voice their protest. With both sides ready to drink each other's blood, representatives from both groups demand a response from your government.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens, especially the young and susceptible," scoffs the Mayor of Togib County @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Those deviants from the rainbow alphabet want to indoctrinate our children into believing that marriage can be more than a union between a man and a woman or that calling that one guy whose hair looks queer a "faggot" is not okay. Despicable ideologies! Look, we're not going to ask you to sign this declaration, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the responsibility of local authorities. Even if it means that some of our counties will indeed become Rainbow-Free Zones. Only then will we be able to protect our dumb-err, I mean, youngest!"

[Effect 1] wearing colourful attire is decried as "propagation of dangerous ideologies" in some of @@NAME@@'s regions

[Option 2] "And what about my protection?" asks resident of Tigob County and openly queer @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, dressed as if @@HE_2@@ was at the center of an explosion within a crayon factory. "Do my safety and well-being no longer count in this county? @@LEADER@@, you cannot allow such declarations of hatred and division to be accepted in a colourful country such as @@NAME@@! As the central government of this nation, it is your duty to protect the voiceless from being shouted over by the raging majority! Mandate that all regional authorities must adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBT community and that any deviants will be severely punished!" @@HE_2@@ says emboldened, only then frowning at @@HIS_2@@ last words.

[Effect 2] counties removing graffiti from their streets are sanctioned for "suppressing the colours of @@NAME@@"

[Option 3] "See, @@LEADER@@, this is why I'm always by your side," says your Minister of Compromise @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, wearing a suit which is half gray and half every-colour-of-the-rainbow. "On the one hand we need to respect the degree of autonomy we have given to our regional authorities, but on the other we are called to protect the minorities within our nation from being targeted by inequality and intolerance. But why not do both? Allow counties such as Tigob to pass their little declarations to become Rainbow-Free Zones, but mandate that they have to give half of their territory over to the LGBT communities they effectively expel, to form their own counter-county! That way everyone can live side by side peacefully, right? Right?"

[Effect 3] counties in @@NAME@@ are effectively divided into a west and an east by barbed wire and high, concrete walls

[Option 4] "@@LEADER@@, come look, it's @@CAPITAL@@. Isn't it beautiful?" mellowly asks your personal aide @@RANDOMNAME_4@@, wearing exactly the same attire as you, gesturing towards the window overlooking @@NAME@@'s capital city. "The peripheries wouldn't recognize true splendor even if they scraped it off their compost-covered boots. They cannot be trusted to decide anything for themselves. You need to mandate that anything that happens in our nation's muse of @@CAPITAL@@, needs to happen in every county, town and city elsewhere! Policies, laws, buildings, parks or statues, everything needs to be exactly replicated, without exception. Before you know it, @@NAME@@ will be equally beautiful, everywhere..."

[Effect 4] bemused tourists ask their tour guides why their touring cars keep circling back to @@CAPITAL@@ every time they leave
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Thu Aug 13, 2020 12:52 pm, edited 39 times in total.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth
Forest's Minister of Foreign Affairs

Leader: Queen Demi Maria I | Capital: Daarsted | Current year: 2022 CE
  • Daarwyrth
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Golgothastan
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Postby Golgothastan » Fri Jul 24, 2020 2:43 pm

I would definitely not use that word in option 1.

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Daarwyrth
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Founded: Jul 05, 2016
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Postby Daarwyrth » Fri Jul 24, 2020 2:47 pm

Golgothastan wrote:I would definitely not use that word in option 1.


Would this work better?

"or that laughing at that one guy whose hair looks queer is not okay"


The intent is of course to convey this specific character's bigoted view of the LGBT community, but I agree that that word may be too much.
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Fri Jul 24, 2020 2:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth
Forest's Minister of Foreign Affairs

Leader: Queen Demi Maria I | Capital: Daarsted | Current year: 2022 CE
  • Daarwyrth
  • Uylensted
  • Kentauria
  • 27 years old male
  • Dutch with Polish roots
  • English literature major
  • Ex-religious gay leftist

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Golgothastan
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1266
Founded: Mar 26, 2005
Ex-Nation

Postby Golgothastan » Fri Jul 24, 2020 2:54 pm

I guess. You can communicate bigotry without using slurs.

Devil's advocate, is it important they are portrayed as bigoted? There are some people who don't support gay marriage or accept aspects of transgenderism. If the issue is to be balanced, couldn't they simply say "believing that marriage can be more than a union between a man and a woman or that someone a man just decide to become a woman overnight".

Anyone pro-LGBT will interpret that as still pretty bigoted, but it's not cramming the depiction of such down their throat.

(Lest this start a debate I'm not defending any particular viewpoint. Just that issues should where possible have some balance without purposefully making one option ridiculous, unless all options are similarly ridiculous.)
Last edited by Golgothastan on Fri Jul 24, 2020 2:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Daarwyrth
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Founded: Jul 05, 2016
Ex-Nation

Postby Daarwyrth » Fri Jul 24, 2020 3:00 pm

Golgothastan wrote:I guess. You can communicate bigotry without using slurs.

Devil's advocate, is it important they are portrayed as bigoted? There are some people who don't support gay marriage or accept aspects of transgenderism. If the issue is to be balanced, couldn't they simply say "believing that marriage can be more than a union between a man and a woman or that someone a man just decide to become a woman overnight".

Anyone pro-LGBT will interpret that as still pretty bigoted, but it's not cramming the depiction of such down their throat.

(Lest this start a debate I'm not defending any particular viewpoint. Just that issues should where possible have some balance without purposefully making one option ridiculous, unless all options are similarly ridiculous.)


You raise a valid point. I tried to be objective, but now that you point it out I indeed see that I allowed some person bias to creep in. The suggestion you made is a good one and I will mend it in the draft! That way the issue will hopefully be more balanced :)
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Fri Jul 24, 2020 3:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Jutsa » Fri Jul 24, 2020 5:47 pm

I do like this issue. :)

I'll say that it's definitely a bit wordy — perhaps a bit too wordy. Maybe see if you can remove some of the text?

Aside from that, the options look pretty good, but option 3 feels a... biiiit weird? Maybe instead of, like, making a counter-county,
you could instead make it so the counties can enforce some levels of restriction but only from public, and allow people to remain themselves
either in private or in designated areas. :)

As for option 4: Not gonna lie, I actually really like the character of this speaker; the way he talks, dresses like you. It's beautiful. :)
Again, still a little wordy, but still, it'd be an interesting way of cancelling devolution. Although, I'll admit, another interesting way this or another option
could play out is to enact option 1's proposal but nationwide, making all LGBT+ communities subjugated to scrutiny; though, then again,
this feels more like an issue for nations that already have substantial amounts of freedom, cause otherwise the issue'd probably be the other way around,
with autonomous regions actively promoting LGBT+ expressionism in a nation where it's generally suppressed. :P

^ Wow I do make runon sentences. :roll:

Overall though I do like the premise. :)
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Postby Minskiev » Fri Jul 24, 2020 5:51 pm

Well, the description is a bit long. However, I’m not sure if the title is really good or kind of bad. Hmm...let’s average that out to good.
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The Free Joy State
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Postby The Free Joy State » Fri Jul 24, 2020 8:42 pm

Golgothastan wrote:I would definitely not use that word in option 1.

Worth saying, we do have a number of bigoted characters in issues. Not using the word in the original option one, though (that word gave me the vapours, and crosses the line pretty clearly as far as I'm concerned).

But there are bigoted characters in the base -- if the rest of the issue is unbiased, and the view is that of the character (not the writer), we play it as a case-by-case thing.

It's not a free pass.

Daarwyrth wrote:Recently, local authorities of several traditionally conservative counties in @@NAME@@ have signed the Declaration for the Family, a document in which they promise to uphold and promote traditional values on family and to protect children from the influences of LGBT ideology, for example by prohibiting its propagation in public institutions such as schools. Outraged, LGBT activists posted pictures of themselves on Twitcher and MyFace posing in front of county signs whose authorities signed the declaration, having added stickers with "Rainbow-Free Zones" below the place names to voice their protest. With both sides ready to drink each other's blood, representatives from both groups demand a response from your government.

I'd place "traditional family values" in quotes, and remove "ideology" (that belongs in the first option) -- to prevent bias in the opening description. You also don't want to over-focus on schools, to avoid overlap with "Outed Teacher Ousted". I'd also shorten to something like:
Recently, local authorities of several traditionally conservative counties have signed the Declaration for the Family, in which they promise to uphold "traditional family values", and to refrain from acts that encourage tolerance of the LGBT+ community and funding causes working from equal rights. Outraged LGBT+ activists have been protesting to highlight these new "Rainbow-Free Zones."


I'd cut the mention of Twitcher and MyFace -- that would mean your whole issue needed the internet.

The fourth option... it doesn't seem to take any stance on the issue in hand. Perhaps it could be either cut or related more directly to the issue in hand.
Last edited by The Free Joy State on Fri Jul 24, 2020 8:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Jul 25, 2020 1:02 am

The Free Joy State wrote:
Golgothastan wrote:I would definitely not use that word in option 1.

Worth saying, we do have a number of bigoted characters in issues. Not using the word in the original option one, though (that word gave me the vapours, and crosses the line pretty clearly as far as I'm concerned).

But there are bigoted characters in the base -- if the rest of the issue is unbiased, and the view is that of the character (not the writer), we play it as a case-by-case thing.

It's not a free pass.


The use of that word is absolutely not a reflection of my personal views, it would be rather peculiar if it was since I am LGBT myself :P The use of it absolutely crossed the line, I fully admit and apologise for that, but it's use was meant to reflect the character's - what I'd call - outdated and bigoted stance and to depict that character in a bad light. However, since I depicted the other characters in a balanced way, I agree with earlier commentary that it would be unfair to depict option 1's Mayor in a horrible light.

As for the other comments and feedback that people have given, I am very grateful! I see a lot of valuable comments that I'll seek to work into the next draft ASAP :) being wordy is a common occurence in my writing, but I am confident I can shorten things in places!
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:23 am

Alright, in light of the feedback I have received, I have posted a new draft!

The premise has been shortened and sharpened, and the text of the options has been shortened somewhat as well. I have also edited option 4 to be more relevant to the subject of the premise and to refer to it.

I'd still like to have some insight regarding the validity. Is it acceptable in its current form or would it have to contain different validities?

I am eager to read people's comments! :)
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Postby Minskiev » Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:29 am

It’s been shortened?

Just kidding. It doesn’t look too long now, however some trimming is still necessary.

Bold will be edits, strikes will be trimming.

[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy

[Description] Recently, local authorities of several traditionally conservative counties in @@NAME@@ have signed the Declaration for the Family, in which they promised to uphold traditional family values, and to prohibit any public activity within their borders that would be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Promptly, outraged LGBTQ+ activists have decried the signatory counties as "Rainbow-Free Zones." and have since passionately protested what they perceive to be the stigmatization of non-heteronormative individuals.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens. , especially the young and susceptible," scoffs signatory to the declaration and the Mayor of Togib County @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Those rainbow alphabet deviants want to indoctrinate our children into believing that marriage can be more than a union between a man and a woman or that it's fine for a guy to decide to become a gal overnight. Despicable ideology! Look, we're not asking you to take a stance, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to the responsibility of local authorities. Only then will we be able to protect our young!"

[Effect 1] the birthday parties of children are illegal in some counties

[Option 2] "And what about my protection?" asks resident of Togib County and openly queer @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, dressed as if @@HE_2@@ was at the center of an explosion within a crayon factory. "Do my safety and well-being no longer matter in this county? Declarations of hatred and division such as these cannot be accepted in a colorful country like @@NAME@@! As the central government of this nation, it's your duty to protect the voiceless from being shouted over by the raging majority. Mandate that all regional authorities must adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community and that any deviants will be severely punished!" @@HE_2@@ says emboldened, only then frowning at @@HIS_2@@ last words.

[Effect 2] national retailers sell circus clown outfits

[Option 3] "See, this is why I'm always by your side," says your Minister of Compromise @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, wearing a suit which is half gray and half every-colour-of-the-rainbow. "On the one hand we need to respect the degree of autonomy we have given to our regional authorities, but on the other we are called to protect the minorities within our nation from stigmatization and discrimination. Well, you don't have to choose! Allow counties such as Togib to pass their little declarations to become Rainbow-Free Zones, but mandate that they have to designate special, cordoned-off areas within their borders where the LGBTQ+ community can openly and freely act under government protection. That way everyone can live side by side in perfect harmony!” @@HE@@ quietly adds as @@HE@@ starts to daydream.

[Effect 3] conservatives have walled in the LGBTQ+ zones

[Option 4] "@@LEADER@@, come look, it's @@CAPITAL@@. Isn't it beautiful?" mellowly asks your personal aide @@RANDOMNAME_4@@, wearing exactly the same attire as you, gesturing towards the window overlooking the cityscape. "You've given the peripheries too much freedom to deviate from what true splendor looks like. This declaration of theirs is proof of what they'll do to one another if they're left to their own devices. To restore order, you need to mandate that anything that happens in our nation's muse of @@CAPITAL@@, has to be replicated in every county, town and city elsewhere! Policies, laws, buildings, parks or statues... everything and without exception! Only then will we be able to instill perfection across all of @@NAME@@..."

[Effect 4] tourists swear they keep going in circles


I redid your effect lines, as they were both a bit long and lacking a bit of comedy.

I do like your issue, however I felt a little personal bias in it, (obviously, you’re LGBTQ+ yourself) so I tried to change that, such as removing the word ‘bigotry’ as a supposedly-impartial description of the situation, and replaced it with ‘discrimination’.
Last edited by Minskiev on Sat Jul 25, 2020 9:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:36 am

Minskiev wrote:It’s been shortened?

Just kidding, it doesn’t look too long now, however some trimming is still necessary.


Personally, I'd not trim away more, as I think that might be when the text loses its flavour. But if others agree that the text needs to be shortened, I will see what I can do (albeit reluctantly :().
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:37 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Sanctaria » Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:41 am

It'd be cut in editing if you don't cut it yourself, and we prefer the author to do so. The other posts are right when they say the options are too long.

I'm on the fence about this issue. On one hand, we have issues were homosexuality is banned, and does this really add anything fundamentally new? On the other hand, it does reflect real life policies being implemented and that's usually basis enough to form an issue around.

I don't know yet. I'm leaning towards "banning gays has been done to death", to be honest.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:50 am

Sanctaria wrote:It'd be cut in editing if you don't cut it yourself, and we prefer the author to do so. The other posts are right when they say the options are too long.

I'm on the fence about this issue. On one hand, we have issues were homosexuality is banned, and does this really add anything fundamentally new? On the other hand, it does reflect real life policies being implemented and that's usually basis enough to form an issue around.

I don't know yet. I'm leaning towards "banning gays has been done to death", to be honest.


I see where you are coming from, but the premise of the issue isn't specifically targeted to ban LGBTQ people per se, but it's meant to reflect how those counties in Poland proclaim to want to expel LGBTQ ideology and its propagation, not the people specifically. Hence why I had used the words "ideology" specifically in the earlier drafts. The Free Joy State suggested I remove the word "ideology", so I still tried to not have it be "ban gays" but "ban public activites that promote the LGBTQ community".

If I sharpened the first two options to be about what I wrote of above specifically, would that distinguish the issue more, from your perspective? When I asked about this in the Writer's Block, the Free Joy State mentioned the LGBT-free zones like in Poland weren't done before and said it could make an interesting issue. I agree that the topic would be an interesting one to have in the issue pool, so I'd be more than glad to sharpen the premise and options if necessary :)

Edit: of course, I will also look over what I can cut from the text to shorten it in the next draft. My heart will bleed, but it will be done ;)
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Jul 25, 2020 9:02 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby Minskiev » Sat Jul 25, 2020 9:02 am

Oh, jeez. I spent a while on that. Look at my last post.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Jul 25, 2020 9:03 am

Minskiev wrote:Oh, jeez. I spent a while on that. Look at my last post.


Oh, thank you for your input! I will look it over in a moment (aka after dinner) and then see what I'll port over into the new draft :) the work is highly appreciated though!
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Postby Trotterdam » Sat Jul 25, 2020 9:38 am

Daarwyrth wrote:The Free Joy State suggested I remove the word "ideology", so I still tried to not have it be "ban gays" but "ban public activites that promote the LGBTQ community".
A bit of a fussy distinction, that. It might help to start with the LGB+s explicitly planning some activity (say, a pride parade, or distributing propaganda pamphlets at a local school) that has sparked a controversy, with the conservatives trying to prevent it from happening.

The other point here is that your issue is partly about devolution (the right of individual districts to set their own laws regarding LGB+ promotion), rather than LGB+ per se. That makes it a little unfocused. What motive would @@LEADER@@ have to devolve this decision rather than making it nation-wide? And, as currently written, somewhat inherently biased, since you're implicitly assuming that the national government would invariably want to do things the liberal way if it could, and is only even considering letting the conservatives have their way for the sake of local autonomy, rather than actually agreeing with them.

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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Jul 25, 2020 10:11 am

Trotterdam wrote:
Daarwyrth wrote:The Free Joy State suggested I remove the word "ideology", so I still tried to not have it be "ban gays" but "ban public activites that promote the LGBTQ community".
A bit of a fussy distinction, that. It might help to start with the LGB+s explicitly planning some activity (say, a pride parade, or distributing propaganda pamphlets at a local school) that has sparked a controversy, with the conservatives trying to prevent it from happening.

The other point here is that your issue is partly about devolution (the right of individual districts to set their own laws regarding LGB+ promotion), rather than LGB+ per se. That makes it a little unfocused. What motive would @@LEADER@@ have to devolve this decision rather than making it nation-wide? And, as currently written, somewhat inherently biased, since you're implicitly assuming that the national government would invariably want to do things the liberal way if it could, and is only even considering letting the conservatives have their way for the sake of local autonomy, rather than actually agreeing with them.


You raise valid points and I think I know how to tackle them. The real world situation of how things regarding this happened in Poland is ripe for material and inspiration :) it will make option 4 also more relevant in the context of the capital.

If I added an additional option where @@LEADER@@ can choose to also adopt the declaration, would that help?
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Jul 25, 2020 11:31 am

Alright, new draft is up!

I extended the premise to hopefully make it more distinctive from the other LGBTQ-related issues, while remaining true to the real world story about Poland's LGBT-free zones. As the counties that signed that declaration, did so in response to Warsaw's declaration which was in contrast pro-LGBTQ. As such, I have worked this element into the premise of this issue as well.

I have also added in a fifth option (as the new option 2) which allows @@LEADER@@ to adopt the counties' declaration. Option 3 is of course contains a supportive stance towards the LGBTQ community.

I have tried to shorten some sentences as well, so I'd love to know whether the length is not acceptable or whether it should be shorther.

As to Trotterdam's remark about this issue also being in part about devolution: it revolves around this subject because of how its real world equivalent works and because I think there isn't an issue yet that talks about regional authorities discriminating against LGBTQ communities (correct me if I am wrong). I think that separating the issue of regional autonomy/devolution and the LGBTQ-free zones would be a pity, as it has not been dealt with in NationStates as far as I know and have been told. I hope however that the issue is less unfocused in this new draft :)

As always, I am eager to know people's thoughts!
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Postby Cretox State » Sun Jul 26, 2020 11:50 am

A solid premise, for certain. Not to say that having a meaty topic is a bad thing, but I feel that the issue could definitely be streamlined a bit. In its current form, it reads quite heavy.

[Name] Free The Rainbow Or Rainbow-Free?

[Validity] Must have Devolution or Must allow some regional autonomy

[Description] A number of traditionally conservative counties have signed a declaration to uphold "traditional family values" and prohibit any public activity within their borders that would be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Civil rights activists across @@NAME@@ have promptly decried these "Rainbow-Exclusion Zones" as an outright attack on the rights of non-heteronormative individuals.

[Option 1] "It's our right and duty to protect our citizens from these rainbow alphabet rogues and their despicable ideas," huffs the Mayor of Togib County, clad in a pointedly monochrome suit. "Look, we're not asking for your signature, but we need you to publicly announce that the government will leave such affairs of morality to local authorities. Only then will we be able to protect our dumb-err, I mean, most susceptible!"

[Effect 1] colourful attire is banned in provinces throughout the nation

[Option 2] "That's not enough!" cries out a red-faced @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, your ultra-conservative Minister for the Family, dressed in a suit as fiery as @@HIS_1@@ burning hatred. "Those sexual deviants have been trying to dictate our ways of life for too long and it's time to take a definitive stance against them. @@LEADER@@, follow the example of these fine, patriotic counties and sign their declaration yourself, in the name of all of @@NAME@@!"

[Effect 2] men who dye their hair are arrested as threats to national security

[Option 3] "You can't allow such declarations of hatred and division to be accepted in a colourful country like @@NAME@@!" shouts Togib County resident and open homosexual @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, whose clothes look like they've been at the center of a crayon factory explosion. "Mandate that all regional authorities adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community. And if any of them oppose..." @@HE_3@@ slams @@HIS_3@@ fist against @@HIS_2@@ hand.

[Effect 3] counties removing graffiti from their streets are sanctioned

[Option 4] "You're lucky I'm here," says your Minister of Compromise @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, wearing a suit which is half gray and half every-colour-of-the-rainbow. "Allow counties such as Togib to pass their pro-tradition declarations, but mandate that they have to designate special, cordoned-off areas within their borders where the LGBTQ+ community can openly and freely act under government protection. That way everyone can live side by side in perfect harmony!" @@HE_3@@ finishes as @@HE_3@@ contently stares off into the distance.

[Effect 4] conservatives are wringing their hands to wall in the nation's LGBTQ+ zones

[Option 5] "Isn't it beautiful?" asks @@CAPITAL@@ mayor @@RANDOMNAME_4@@, wearing exactly the same attire as you, gesturing towards the window overlooking the cityscape. "This no-good declaration of the peripheries proves they haven't a single clue of what they're doing! Only us fine folk here in the capital can get it right. You need to mandate that anything that happens in @@CAPITAL@@ has to be replicated in every county, town and city, without exception! Only then will we be able to instill perfection across all of @@NAME@@..."

[Effect 5] bemused tourists swear their touringcars are going in circles
Last edited by Cretox State on Sun Jul 26, 2020 12:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Westinor » Sun Jul 26, 2020 11:54 am

For your description, it might work better if you have it go off of an existing issue that has the government supporting LGBTs, but there might not be one specifically suiting your needs, just a thought. Your description is rather lengthy, I suggest cutting it down a bit -

"Following the government's public support of the LGBTQ+ community, a number of traditionally conservative counties, outraged at the decision, signed a declaration in which they promised to uphold 'traditional family values' and prohibit any support of non-heteronormative activities."

This effectively the first half of your description, and could even work on its own. You can have the second sentence work towards a more humorous response, or simply leave the description like that, cut and dry. You can also add back the city council decision, if you so choose. You can also get rid of the "following the government's", which would make it much more effective and clean, though it deviates from the irl basis.

Daarwyrth wrote:"It's our right and duty to protect our citizens from what we consider to be morally wrong,"


This seems like something only a federal government would normally say (barring devolution), so as long as you continue rolling with this, you could probably distinguish the issue from the rest of the "let's ban LGBTs" issues.

Daarwyrth wrote:"ThoseThese rainbow alphabet rogues want to trick our people(are trying to trick our people) into believing that marriage can be more than a union between a man and a woman or that it's fine for a guy to decide to become a gal overnight. Despicable ideology!It's despicable!


For "union between a man and a woman" you could probably cut it down"union between man and woman", but I'm not entirely sure, up to you. The sentence works fine, its just very long-winded.

Daarwyrth wrote:Only then will we be able to protect our dumb-err, I mean, most susceptible!"


I can see the "dumb" leading into "dumbest citizens", but even then it doesn't fit quite right with "most susceptible" or the context of the question. The mayor's view isn't that the people are dumb, its that the views are wrong and that the people need to be protected. You probably don't need this here, since "susceptible" works fine. If you choose to keep it, I'm of the opinion that it should be changed.

Daarwyrth wrote:as fiery as @@HIS_2@@ burning hatred


You could probably be more subtle with this. "dressed in a suit as red as his face" isn't as strong, but it might work better - your choice.

Daarwyrth wrote:ThoseThese sexual deviants have been trying to dictate our ways of life for too long and - it's time to take a definitive stance against them.


"It's time to take a definitive stance against them" is a bit weak. Your character is burning with the rage of a thousand storms - maybe a bit more fiery rhetoric here? Also, though I know what you're getting at here, the effect line might not work with what you're suggesting, since it suggests that it is now illegal to be or suggest anything non-heteronormative. It might work better to have it resemble the first effect line, but imply it to be nationwide - for clarification, that's what your current effect line does, but instead it makes it illegal. AN alternative route could be playing off of @@LEADER@@ being discriminative.

Daarwyrth wrote:donning clothes that look as if they had been at the center of a crayon factory explosion


You don't need "donning", and could even just say "who looks as if @@HE@@ was just at the center..." Though to keep up with the rest of the clothes descriptions, you might want to keep it. I'm of the opinion you don't need to say "clothes" though, since its somewhat implied with the past speakers.

Daarwyrth wrote:wearing a suit which is half gray and half every-colour-of-the-rainbow


"Wearing a half gray and half rainbow" could work better (Sorry if you don't like these stylistic changes, but my opinion is that should try to avoid the words "which is" if you can help it.)

This option is a bit fun yet also weird, since it allows for so many loopholes. I'm aware that's the nature of the Minister of Compromises, but I'm just noting that you could play off of the "walls within walls" vibe in your effect line here, or even in the following option, since it just makes the same issue.

Daarwyrth wrote:@@LEADER@@, come look, it's @@CAPITAL@@


"Ah, the @@CAPITAL. Isn't it beautiful?" would work better, but in general I think you can play off the last speaker. Of course, this option focuses a lot more on the merits of the capital, but you could in turn just have him be outraged at other speakers. However, this opening phrase by the speaker is a bit weak, and could probably use some tweaking.

Daarwyrth wrote:wearing exactly the same attire as you, gesturing towards the window overlooking the cityscape


Maybe have him wear the colors of @@NAME@@'s flags, though the current rendition works fine. "as @@HE@@ gestures towarsd the window overlooking the cityscape" fits better here, you have "mellowly asks... wearing exactly... gesturing...", which feels a bit awkward. Otherwise, "who is wearing" may fit better too. Also, "@@RANDOMNAME@@, the mayor of @@CAPITAL@@" fits better.

Daarwyrth wrote:To remain civilized, you need to mandate that anything that happens in our nation's muse of @@CAPITAL@@, has to be replicated in every county, town and city elsewhere!


"...mandate that every county, town, and city be remodeled in our glorious capital's image!" flows better.

Good issue overall, focus a bit more on the devolution side of things but don't lose focus of the original premise if you want to distinguish it from other LGBTQ+ rights issues. Take what you will from here - best of luck!
Last edited by Westinor on Sun Jul 26, 2020 12:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sun Jul 26, 2020 1:41 pm

Big thank you to Westinor and Cretox State for your feedback! I have worked many of your comments into the new draft :)

Hopefully the premise and the options will appear more streamlined now, and as Westinor stated I tried to bring out the federal/devolution element out more while still holding onto the LGBTQ+ element. I'd love to hear if I did it in a way that works!
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Cretox State
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Postby Cretox State » Sun Jul 26, 2020 2:07 pm

It definitely looks better!

I don't know about this phrasing, though I could be wrong:
Mandate that all regional authorities must adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sun Jul 26, 2020 2:12 pm

Cretox State wrote:It definitely looks better!

I don't know about this phrasing, though I could be wrong:
Mandate that all regional authorities must adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community


Would this sound better?

Mandate all regional authorities to adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of the LGBTQ+ community
The Royal State of Daarwyrth
Forest's Minister of Foreign Affairs

Leader: Queen Demi Maria I | Capital: Daarsted | Current year: 2022 CE
  • Daarwyrth
  • Uylensted
  • Kentauria
  • 27 years old male
  • Dutch with Polish roots
  • English literature major
  • Ex-religious gay leftist

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Light15
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Founded: May 15, 2020
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Postby Light15 » Sun Jul 26, 2020 2:39 pm

Daarwyrth wrote:
Cretox State wrote:It definitely looks better!

I don't know about this phrasing, though I could be wrong:
Mandate that all regional authorities must adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of minorities such as the LGBTQ+ community


Would this sound better?

Mandate all regional authorities to adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of the LGBTQ+ community



Mandate all regional authorities adhere to national guidelines regarding the equal and tolerant treatment of the LGBTQ+ community (maybe equal and fair? or fair and tolerant? equal and tolerant feel kind of weird, but that's up to you.)

This is Westinor, btw :p
Last edited by Light15 on Sun Jul 26, 2020 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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