[SUBMITTED] Belting Belters?

[Honeydewistania]

[title] Belting Belters?

[validity] allows emigration, corporal punishment and a judiciary

[description] Many nations are refusing to sign extradition treaties with @@NAME@@ because of your use of judicially-sanctioned corporal punishment, preventing both citizens and non-citizens wanted for crimes in @@NAME@@ from being sentenced by @@DEMONYMADJ@@ courts.

[option] "Look, this may be hard to understand, but we just don't think flogging and caning criminals is humane." chokes the ambassador from the liberal nation of Skandilund, trying to speak and eat a danish at the same time. "However, we wish to cooperate on matters like this. I personally have too much to lose, like my pastry allowance! So, an easy solution is in order. Just promise to not enforce corporal punishment on those that we extradite, and I can assure you all the thieves, murderers, and jaywalkers seeking refuge will be on the first ship back to you!"
[effect] the whip is spared but the extradited criminal is spoiled

[option] "All those darn liberals think they're suddenly experts at easy solutions!" roars your Minister of Easy Solutions while he attempts to solve a crossword. "Now I know the most simple way to resolve the issue, as always. Simply close all our borders! If we prohibit anyone from leaving, they don't need to be extradited! I can't see how this is not a complete win for us! Hooray for common sense"
[effect] you can't run but you probably can hide

[option] "Why do we care?" sighs a passerby who somehow made it into your office. As you call security, he begins to speak. "These people committed crimes but they're never coming back, meaning they'll never return and violate our laws again. Isn't that the point of punishments? Stop more crimes from happening? How about you slash police funding and give us hardworking ruffians- I mean, workers a tax cut. What has enforcing the law even done for us anyway?" As he walks off, you notice that the stationery on your desk has mysteriously disappeared.
[effect] the most common profession in frequent flier clubs is 'criminal'

[option] "Oh please. What's the point on relying in another country to extradite criminals?" inquires your mother, dusting ornaments on a nearby shelf. "If those snowflakes are too scared to fly people in here to get a beating, maybe we should do it ourselves! We ought to send in the military to come and collect the criminals. What are those meek hippies in Skandilund gonna do anyway? Send politely written threats?" She shakes the end of the feather duster at you for emphasis.
[effect] soldiers are deployed to capture suspected litterbugs in foreign countries

[title] Vamoosing Vandals (open to title changes)

[validity] allows immigration and emigration, corporal punishment and a judiciary

[description] After a slew of incidents involving spray painting trains and broken windows, @@NAME@@ police has finally identified the culprit - a Brancalandian tourist. However they fled to Skandilund, a liberal nation that @@NAME@@ has no extradition treaty with and one that is refusing to send the vandal back due to the fear they'll face corporal punishment.

[option] "Look, we need to punish this guy for what he has done." chokes the ambassador to Skandilund, mouth full of pastry. "However we can't risk chilly relations with them, so how about you get the courts to promise not to give this guy a flogging or whatever. We can't bear losing my danish allowance- I mean, our relations with them!"
[effect] criminals earn the most airline reward points due to flying in and out frequently

[option] "No point in that, Skandilund won't buy that tosh." declares your Minister of Creative Solutions, fixing a stuck vending machine with a large sledgehammer. "We need to pretend to forgive him and even offer him free plane tickets back to Brancaland, but with a small catch. There'll be a stopover in Albionia, a nation we do have an extradition treaty. Then we can punish him appropriately! I say this is yet another win crafted from my high problem solving skills."
[effect] the government sends scam emails promising free airplane tickets to trick wanted criminals

[option] "Why do we even care?" sighs a passerby who happened to make his way into your office. "This guy vandalised a few trains. So what? There are people dying. We ought to back out from pursuing this guy and spend police money into something useful, like welfare or actually fixing the affected trains. In fact, we should do away with these harsh punishments. Think about the bigger picture! Think about the peopl- ARGGHHH!" He screams as your security guards drag him out of the room.
[effect] criminals get away because "it's only one armed robbery, not much harm done"

[option] "These punks are doing WHAT now?" yells your mother, busting into your room. "Kids these days have no respect at all! I say you mobilise the armed forces to come and grab that Brancalandian moron themselves and drag him right back here, and I'll personally whack his bottom! What's he going to do, complain to those Skandilund hippies? Oh, please."
[effect] soldiers are deployed to capture suspected litterbugs in foreign countries

[Candlewhisper Archive]

[description] After a slew of incidents involving spray painting trains and broken windows, @@NAME@@ police has finally identified the culprit - a Brancalandian tourist. However they fled to Skandilund, a liberal nation that @@NAME@@ has no extradition treaty with and one that is refusing to send the vandal back due to the fear they'll face corporal punishment.

Hmm... I'm all for fun stories providing narrative framing, but this one seems to diminish from the issue rather than add to it. You could, for example, just have an opening that says:

[description] Many nations are refusing to sign extradition treaties with @@NAME@@ because of their use of judicially-sanctioned corporal punishment.

That would get to the heart of it without muddling in the identities of two NPC nations that players might not have encountered before. Instead, you could have a first option being an "ambassador from the liberal nation of Skandilund" explaining why they won't extradite to you, and what needs to change.

[Honeydewistania]

[description] After a slew of incidents involving spray painting trains and broken windows, @@NAME@@ police has finally identified the culprit - a Brancalandian tourist. However they fled to Skandilund, a liberal nation that @@NAME@@ has no extradition treaty with and one that is refusing to send the vandal back due to the fear they'll face corporal punishment.

Hmm... I'm all for fun stories providing narrative framing, but this one seems to diminish from the issue rather than add to it. You could, for example, just have an opening that says:

[description] Many nations are refusing to sign extradition treaties with @@NAME@@ because of their use of judicially-sanctioned corporal punishment.

That would get to the heart of it without muddling in the identities of two NPC nations that players might not have encountered before. Instead, you could have a first option being an "ambassador from the liberal nation of Skandilund" explaining why they won't extradite to you, and what needs to change.

Ah, I see. I'll work on it.

[Trotterdam]

[description] Many nations are refusing to sign extradition treaties with @@NAME@@ because of their use of judicially-sanctioned corporal punishment, preventing wanted criminals in other countries from being sentenced by @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ courts.

I'd make this "your use", since it's about the reader's own nation, not those other ones.

"thieves, murderers, and jaywalkers"

Comma.

"Simply ban emigration to countries that refuse to sign the extradition treaties with us!"

It isn't so simple. For starters, the fugitives might not necessarily be openly emigrating, they might have just gone to the nation as "tourists" and declined to leave for an extended period... or even just crossed the border illegally, because, you know, criminals. Secondly, people could hop over to nation B and then continue from there to nation C to avoid a ban on direct travel, so you would need all of those nations to not only sign extradition treaties with you but also cooperate with your travel ban, which would be a much harder sell.

As a side note, though, I wonder how an emigration ban would work with extradition politics. I can certainly see some nations not wanting to extradit people whose only crime is emigrating, but it's a lot easier to enforce if you can convince them to play along...

"Those criminals can run, but they can't hide!"

Missing a letter here.

[effect] the government

You left a line incomplete.

[Honeydewistania]

Sorry, was working on draft two halfway then had to eat dinner, will finish it in a while

[Honeydewistania]

draft 2 updated.

[Australian rePublic]

Does this apply to citizens or non-citizens too?

[Honeydewistania]

Does this apply to citizens or non-citizens too?

Non-citizens too probably, since non-citizens are usually the ones that require extraditing in most cases

[Honeydewistania]

Title changed to something more subtle

[Honeydewistania]

Bump - last call

[Daarwyrth]

one such nation that has refused to sign an extradition treaty,

I wonder whether this is a necessary clarification. The way the Skandilundian ambassador speaks, it's evident they're one of the countries opposing the corporal punishment policy.

[option] "Now those hippies think they're the best in easy solutions!" roars your Minister of Easy Solutions while he attempts to swat a fly using a sledgehammer. "Now I know an easier solution that means we get to keep our punishments. Simply close all our borders! If we prohibit anyone from leaving, they don't need to be extradited! It's a complete win!"
[effect] you can't run but you probably can hide

I am a little unsure about this option and the way it is written. It feels a little clunky, especially with the repetition of "easy solution". I feel this option could merit from a little more attention in rephrasing and rewriting. The effect line could also be a little sharper, I feel.

coming back, meaning they'll never come back

Similarly to what I wrote above, try to rewrite a few of these lines by using synonyms, as you're creation repetitions this way.

[option] "What's the point in relying in another country to extradite criminals?" inquires your mother. "If they're all snowflakes and can't take a spanking, maybe they need more! We ought to send in the military to come and collect the criminals ourselves. What are countries like Skandilund gonna do? Send politely written threats? Oh please."

This option text also feels a little clunky to me. I'd recommend taking a look at it again and try to rephrase some things, such as "in relying on another country". The sentence "If they're all snowflakes and can't take a spanking, maybe they need more!" is also a little awkward, as it implies they are already being "spanked" but that they need more. But I thought that was the point, that the criminals aren't being carnally punished at the moment?

Bump - last call

I am not an editor of course, but I feel that moving this to "last call" is a little too soon. If an actual editor disagrees with me, then my apologies and you can discard this comment. My advice would be to leave this draft up for a while longer, so as to gain more feedback. I feel it could benefit from a little but more polishing

[Honeydewistania]

I am not an editor of course, but I feel that moving this to "last call" is a little too soon. If an actual editor disagrees with me, then my apologies and you can discard this comment.

I wasn’t sure, and no one gave comments. I’ll incorporate your suggestions later

[Honeydewistania]

My bumps

[Westinor]

I say we just allocate police funding into more useful causes like free money or something." As he walks off you notice he has stolen most of the stationery on your desk.

"I say" is a weird starter to me. I feel like "How about" is better here. Alternatively, you could change that to "We should reallocate police funding..." Also, "free money" seems a bit ambiguous, doesn't really sound like something someone would say (no matter how apathetic), and would probably be more humorous if worded more specifically.

On the other hand, the second sentence could probably use a bit of ambiguity (there's another word for it that's slipping my mind and making me very angry ). Rewording it to something along the lines of "As he walks off, you notice that the stationery on your desk has mysteriously disappeared" might work better.

In general, you might want to tie in the reallocation of police funds to not needing as much law enforcement anymore. You could probably replace the "Isn't that... from happening?" sentences with that connection, even if it is already obvious. That might help the option flow better instead of being clunky. If you choose to stay with the current sentences, rewording them so that it's not a jump from "isn't this fine?","Isn't this fine?","defund the police" might help.

What's the point in relying in

"relying on" here.

What are countries like Skandilund gonna do? Send politely written threats? Oh please

"Oh, please" might work better in front of "What are countries like.." or at the beginning of the option. "countries like Skandilund" could be changed into an insult ("what are those soft-hearted hippies gonna do?), and adding an ", anyway" at the end of the sentence helps with keeping the last sentence strong (Alternatively, you could replace "Oh, please" with "Don't kid around" or something similar, and move the Oh, please).

If they're all snowflakes and can't take a spanking, maybe they need more!

"maybe they need more!" doesn't make sense in this context. Maybe they need more what? The subject that relates to "more" is singular, so changing "a spanking" to "some spankings"(weird wording, find something else, btu you get the idea) or rewording "maybe they need more" might help. But either way, the foreign governments aren't taking a spanking, are they? They're just caught up in a political loop that's not benefitting either party. Rewording this section would probably be the best solution.

[Honeydewistania]

bump

[Honeydewistania]

bump

[Candlewhisper Archive]

It's decent, and sensibly constructed. A very sound issue.

Nothing about it is especially funny though, and there's just a general sense of this not being a very exciting or engaging issue. That's hard to pin down, but maybe work on punching up the humour a little. Not an easy demand, for sure, and this is at a "pass level" where it'd be accepted into the issue pool, but simultaneously is unengaging enough to sit unclaimed for six months before being deleted from lack of interest.

[Honeydewistania]

It's decent, and sensibly constructed. A very sound issue.

Nothing about it is especially funny though, and there's just a general sense of this not being a very exciting or engaging issue. That's hard to pin down, but maybe work on punching up the humour a little. Not an easy demand, for sure, and this is at a "pass level" where it'd be accepted into the issue pool, but simultaneously is unengaging enough to sit unclaimed for six months before being deleted from lack of interest.

I'll try - humour isn't exactly my strong suit though

[Honeydewistania]

I have attempted a few funnies, please review them

[Australian rePublic]

Does this apply to citizens or non-citizens too?

Non-citizens too probably, since non-citizens are usually the ones that require extraditing in most cases

Don't explain to me, explain in the issue

[Honeydewistania]

Non-citizens too probably, since non-citizens are usually the ones that require extraditing in most cases

Don't explain to me, explain in the issue

Better

[Honeydewistania]

Is this good enough for submission (and not sitting in a folder for 6 months?)

[Honeydewistania]

I decided to bite the bullet and submit this. Fingers crossed

[Cretox State]

Good luck!

[Australian rePublic]

Good luck