Draft 4: Trimmed the issue down.
Shouldering the Burden
Validity: Must have cars.
Description
Your Finance Minister made headlines yesterday after his antiquated car's engine failed on a major thoroughfare, leading to a massive crash and traffic being backed up all the way to @@CAPITAL@@.
Option 1
"If that road had a shoulder, I could've just pulled over and none of this would've happened," moans your Finance Minister, nursing a bump on his head. "In fact, I don't see why any road shouldn't have a shoulder. We need to expand all our major roadways to have shoulders wide enough to fit the largest vehicles. Otherwise, how's someone supposed to make an emergency stop if their useless car's engine stalls, just to give an example?"
Effect: the nation's largest highway doubles as a parking lot
Option 2
"Back in my day, we couldn't expect to cross the road twice without breaking a few eggs," says octogenarian @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@HIS@@ metaphors as confused as @@HIS@@ facial expression. "Frankly, I think you should just remind people that they're responsible for what happens out on the highway, and that it isn't the government's job to baby them!"
Effect: public roads just aren't the government's problem
Option 3
"This just goes to show that cars are more trouble than they're worth," proclaims cyclist @@RANDOMNAME@@, stopping to toot @@HIS@@ own horn. "Hear me out on this: let's just ban all cars! They're loud, they cause traffic problems like this, and one of them ran over my dog! Just invest in public transportation instead."
Effect: the automobile industry has been driven to extinction