given the type of nations that this is going for... I
Title: A Hairy Situation
The Issue: As you were about to get your hair cut, your hair dresser was clubbed by a caveman.
Validity: Body integrity, maybe adult?
Option 1: "Stop! You can't do this!" cries the hairy mammoth. "My name is @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@. I represent the Peoples' Interest Group of Divine Physical Integrity. Is it not enshrined in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ law that we can not pierce or intentionally damage our bodies? Surely this means our hair and nails must remain pure, too!"
[effect] politicians are skeptical of bald writers
Option 2: "What the **** man?" cries your hair dresser with a perfect mustache, rolling around in shaving cream from a broken canister. "You can't ban hair cuts any more than you can ban dying your hair! Or dying your skin! Even if it's permanent! Maybe even getting some piercings to dangle nice jewelry from! I can't believe those things could ever be banned! I miss my old job." Some cream squirts from another canister between his legs.
[effect] body plans tend to have a lot more holes in them
Option 3: "Dying your skin will make your skin die. Trimming your hair will turn those split ends into a nice trim," suggests your hair dresser's stoic assistant, who happens to be a prophet of the Peoples' Interest Group for Holy Material Conservation. "Cosmetic surgery, hair dyes, makeup; these things hurt the body. Grooming and body preservation techniques proven beneficial to one's wellbeing, however, should be not only legal, but nationally mandated. We'll become a society that is nothing short of beautiful and perfect." @@HE@@ points a razor at the intruder.
[effect] it's fine to wear mud but not lipstick
Option 4: "Dear Violet..." cries your photographer, walking in expecting a photo op and getting more than @@HE@@ bargained for. "It's a caveman! And a bunch of other weird things! This will be great for your PR! Alright, @@LEADER@@, could you just lean a little to the left?"
[effect] photo ops of @@LEADER@@ shaking hands with Bigfoot are commonplace