[title] Not Pilgrims vs. The World?
[validity] doesn’t have No Planes
[description] 23 minutes ago, an airplane carrying hundreds of innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ was hijacked by what is said to be a group of Ultra-Violetist terrorists. An analysis of the plane’s flight trajectory has projected that the possible terrorists are heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@ Hall.
[option] Warning sirens start wailing, seemingly counting down to the demise of hundreds of lives. “We’ve got two minutes until government operations as we know it cease to exist!” desperately screeches your Secretary of Transportation, @@RANDOMNAME@@, pacing back and forth. “That plane is going right towards the heart of the government, and we have to stop it immediately; a few casualties is nothing compared to the death of thousands! We’ve got no choice, @@LEADER@@; blow up the plane.”
[effect] small planes are used as fireworks
[option] “Hundreds of innocent people will die if you shoot down that plane!” laments your niece, as she bites her pink smiley-face and peace sign nails. “I know we can’t let @@CAPITAL@@ Hall fall, but we can’t just murder the people on that plane! We’ve got to evacuate the area and save who we can! It’s not perfect, but it’s better than killing hundreds of people, even if it’d be with rather explosive flying colors.”
[effect] air-to-surface missiles are increasingly useless against @@NAME@@
[title] Dying Cyans Turn Yellows Mellow
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes, some government spending on Social Policy
[description] The Cult of Cyan, an extreme mysterious cult that makes Violetism look like a elderly community, hijacked @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines airplane carrying hundreds of innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@. Unfortunately, an analysis of the plane’s flight trajectory has projected that the terrorists are heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@.
[option] “Do you know how many people are on that plane?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “This will be a media nightmare! But, thank Our Creator that we still have media. Try to negotiate with the terrorists. Surely we could pull some money out of..I don’t know, Social Policy, and use it as ransom money, right?”
[effect] a common reply to extremist statements is “and how does that make you feel?”
[option] “Well, excuse me for inviting terrorists onboard!” quite poshly muses the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aircraft, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle. “Luckily, that was a Model 93 Flying @@ANIMAL@@, which has overridable controls. If our air control towers bring the plane to safety, you’ve got to subsidize us and give us a massive tax cut. Deal, or no deal?”
[effect] bored air traffic controllers make government-funded planes do barrel rolls
[option] “Why aren’t any of you worried about @@CAPITAL@@?!” screeches your Executive Transportation Actuary, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “That plane is going right towards the heart of the government, and we have to stop it immediately! Between hundreds dead plus one plane and thousands dead plus hundreds of MILLIONS of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in damage, the latter is the best option. We’ve got no choice, @@LEADER@@; blow up the plane.”
[effect] missiles are a new unexpected addition to trolley problems
[validity] must not have No Marriage
[option] “NOO! My husband is on that plane, and you WILL NOT kill him!” wails @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, proclaimed wife to a hostage. “Please, you have to save them; surely you wouldn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Create an emergency landing zone for the plane! No, shoot the plane down! Wait no, don’t do that! Just, create a giant crash pad for the plane, and of course predict where the plane will land. Oh, what if we aren’t quick enough?” @@SHE@@ begins hyperventilating, until escorted out.
[effect] bouncy houses dot the perimeters of major cities
[validity] must have No Marriage
[option] “NOO! My brother is on that plane, and you WILL NOT kill him!” wails @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, proclaimed sister to a hostage. “Please, you have to save them; surely you wouldn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Create an emergency landing zone for the plane! No, shoot the plane down! Wait no, don’t do that! Just, create a giant crash pad for the plane, and of course predict where the plane will land. Oh, what if we aren’t quick enough?” @@SHE@@ begins hyperventilating, until escorted out.
[effect] bouncy houses dot the perimeters of major cities
[validity] must be secular, or not Violetist, but Violetism is legal
[option] “How dare those heresy-brimmed lunatics show of- I mean, kill those @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@!” bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, the High Grand Poobah of the Order of Violet, tilting @@HIS@@ head back so that @@HIS@@ phlox purple accordion top hat doesn’t fall off. “If @@NAME@@ becomes Violetist, I shall pray to Violet that the plane lands safely. However, you must stay Violetist, so we can cleanse @@NAME@@ of sin as well.”
[effect] @@LEADER@@ wears more purple than the King of Moltevino
sometimes adds policy “Theocracy”
sometimes removes policy “Atheism”
[validity] must be secular, or not Yellowist, but Violetism is illegal
[option] “How dare those heresy-brimmed lunatics kill those @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@!” calmly bellows @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, Her Jaundicedness of the Tranquility of Yellow, tilting @@HIS@@ head back so that @@HIS@@ mellow yellow top hat doesn’t fall off. “If @@NAME@@ becomes Yellowist, I shall pray to the Yellow One so the plane lands safely. However, you must stay Yellowist, so we can cleanse @@NAME@@ of sin as well.”
[effect] government interns call @@LEADER@@ ‘The Lemon’ behind their back
sometimes adds policy “Theocracy”
sometimes removes policy “Atheism”
[option] “Don’t you fools realize it’s too late?” diabolically asks @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the Great Big Cyantressmis of the Cult of Cyan, from what looks like an underground holy Cyanist banana-munching temple. “Our Cyanites have infiltrated every level of your infidel government, and it’s far too late to stop us. If you want us to let the plane go, you must make every first-born son in @@NAME@@ sacrifice themselves to the Big Cyan, unless you want a thousand dragons belching cyan fire upon your infantile @@TYPE@@. Submit, or you blasphemers shall be tortured forever in Big Cyan’s Left Butthole!”
[effect] kids whose favorite color isn’t cyan get burned at the stake
removes policy “Theocracy”
removes policy “Atheism”
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes, some government spending on Social Policy
[description] The Cult of Cyan, an extreme mysterious cult that makes Violetism look like a elderly community, hijacked @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines airplane carrying hundreds of innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@. Unfortunately, an analysis of the plane’s flight trajectory has projected that the terrorists are heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@.
[option] “Do you know how many people are on that plane?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “This will be a media nightmare! But, thank Our Creator that we still have media. Try to negotiate with the terrorists. Surely we could pull some money out of..I don’t know, Social Policy, and use it as ransom money, right?”
[effect] a common reply to extremist statements is “and how does that make you feel?”
[option] “Well, excuse me for inviting terrorists onboard!” quite poshly muses the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aircraft, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle. “Luckily, that was a Model 93 Flying @@ANIMAL@@, which has overridable controls. If our air control towers bring the plane to safety, you’ve got to subsidize us and give us a massive tax cut. Deal, or no deal?”
[effect] bored air traffic controllers make government-funded planes do barrel rolls
[option] “Why aren’t any of you worried about @@CAPITAL@@?!” screeches your Executive Transportation Actuary, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “That plane is going right towards the heart of the government, and we have to stop it immediately! Between hundreds dead plus one plane and thousands dead plus hundreds of MILLIONS of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in damage, the latter is the best option. We’ve got no choice, @@LEADER@@; blow up the plane.”
[effect] missiles are a new unexpected addition to trolley problems
[validity] must not have No Marriage
[option] “NOO! My husband is on that plane, and you WILL NOT kill him!” wails @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, proclaimed wife to a hostage. “Please, you have to save them; surely you wouldn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Create an emergency landing zone for the plane! No, shoot the plane down! Wait no, don’t do that! Just, create a giant crash pad for the plane, and of course predict where the plane will land. Oh, what if we aren’t quick enough?” @@SHE@@ begins hyperventilating, until escorted out.
[effect] bouncy houses dot the perimeters of major cities
[validity] must have No Marriage
[option] “NOO! My brother is on that plane, and you WILL NOT kill him!” wails @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, proclaimed sister to a hostage. “Please, you have to save them; surely you wouldn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Create an emergency landing zone for the plane! No, shoot the plane down! Wait no, don’t do that! Just, create a giant crash pad for the plane, and of course predict where the plane will land. Oh, what if we aren’t quick enough?” @@SHE@@ begins hyperventilating, until escorted out.
[effect] bouncy houses dot the perimeters of major cities
[validity] must be secular, or not Violetist, but Violetism is legal
[option] “How dare those heresy-brimmed lunatics show of- I mean, kill those @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@!” bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, the High Grand Poobah of the Order of Violet, tilting @@HIS@@ head back so that @@HIS@@ phlox purple accordion top hat doesn’t fall off. “If @@NAME@@ becomes Violetist, I shall pray to Violet that the plane lands safely. However, you must stay Violetist, so we can cleanse @@NAME@@ of sin as well.”
[effect] @@LEADER@@ wears more purple than the King of Moltevino
sometimes adds policy “Theocracy”
sometimes removes policy “Atheism”
[validity] must be secular, or not Yellowist, but Violetism is illegal
[option] “How dare those heresy-brimmed lunatics kill those @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@!” calmly bellows @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, Her Jaundicedness of the Tranquility of Yellow, tilting @@HIS@@ head back so that @@HIS@@ mellow yellow top hat doesn’t fall off. “If @@NAME@@ becomes Yellowist, I shall pray to the Yellow One so the plane lands safely. However, you must stay Yellowist, so we can cleanse @@NAME@@ of sin as well.”
[effect] government interns call @@LEADER@@ ‘The Lemon’ behind their back
sometimes adds policy “Theocracy”
sometimes removes policy “Atheism”
[option] “Don’t you fools realize it’s too late?” diabolically asks @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the Great Big Cyantressmis of the Cult of Cyan, from what looks like an underground holy Cyanist banana-munching temple. “Our Cyanites have infiltrated every level of your infidel government, and it’s far too late to stop us. If you want us to let the plane go, you must make every first-born son in @@NAME@@ sacrifice themselves to the Big Cyan, unless you want a thousand dragons belching cyan fire upon your infantile @@TYPE@@. Submit, or you blasphemers shall be tortured forever in Big Cyan’s Left Butthole!”
[effect] kids whose favorite color isn’t cyan get burned at the stake
removes policy “Theocracy”
removes policy “Atheism”
[title] Helicopter High Priests Hijack Heinously
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes, some government spending on Social Policy
[description] The Holy Helicopter Order of @@NAME@@, an extremist anti-plane group who want helicopters to be the sole mode of air transportation, shall go down in infamy, as it has hijacked @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines airplane carrying many important @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors. However, an analysis of the plane’s flight trajectory has projected that the terrorists are heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@.
[option] “Do you know how many diplomats and ambassadors are on that plane?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “This is a diplomatic nightmare! But, thank Violet that it’s still diplomatic. Try to negotiate with the terrorists. Surely we could pull some money out of..I don’t know, Social Policy, and use it as ransom money, right?”
[effect] a common reply to extremist statements is “and how does that make you feel?”
[option] “Well, excuse me for inviting terrorists onboard!” quite poshly muses the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aircraft, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle. “We’re...going under, and given more government funding, we could have prevented all those deaths, because @@CAPITAL@@ is lost, let’s face it. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] terrorists only strike when the plane lands
[option] “Why aren’t any of you actually worried about @@CAPITAL@@?!” screeches your Executive Transportation Actuary, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “That plane is going right towards the heart of the government, and we have to stop it immediately! Between hundreds dead plus one plane and thousands dead plus hundreds of MILLIONS of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in damage, the latter is the best option. We’ve got no choice, @@LEADER@@; blow up the plane.”
[effect] missiles are a new unexpected addition to trolley problems
[validity] must not have No Marriage
[option] “NOO! My husband is on that plane, and you WILL NOT kill him!” wails @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, proclaimed wife of a diplomat to Tasmania. “Please, you have to save them; surely you wouldn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Send in your best agents as soon as possible! No, create an emergency landing zone for the plane! No, shoot the plane down! Wait no, don’t do that! Just, create a giant crash pad for the plane, and of course predict where the plane will land. Oh, what if we aren’t quick enough?” @@SHE@@ begins hyperventilating, until escorted out.
[effect] bouncy houses dot the perimeters of major cities
[validity] must have No Marriage
[option] “NOO! My brother is on that plane, and you WILL NOT kill him!” wails @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, proclaimed sister to a diplomat to Tasmania. “Please, you have to save them; surely you wouldn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Send in your best agents as soon as possible! No, create an emergency landing zone for the plane! No, shoot the plane down! Wait no, don’t do that! Just, create a giant crash pad for the plane, and of course predict where the plane will land. Oh, what if we aren’t quick enough?” @@SHE@@ begins hyperventilating, until escorted out.
[effect] bouncy houses dot the perimeters of major cities
[validity] must have religious tolerance
[option] “My fellow brothers and sisters have begun the Great Conversion!” for the first time ever rejoices @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, a freshly visible druid of the Holy Helicopter Order, as your guards are startled by @@RANDOMNAME_3@@‘s sudden entrance. “You laugh at us now, but Zaskmotora the Omnipotent, the Bane of Planes, shall return! @@HIS@@ two serpent heads shall devour you and send you all into eternal darkness, for not believing! All hail Zaskmotora, the Helicopter Purist, the All-Seeing! Burn the ceremonial rotor blades! Sacrifice the sons of @@NAME@@‘s pilots!”
[effect] high priests say Zaskmotora is “just in traffic“
removes policy “Theocracy”
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes, some government spending on Social Policy
[description] The Holy Helicopter Order of @@NAME@@, an extremist anti-plane group who want helicopters to be the sole mode of air transportation, shall go down in infamy, as it has hijacked @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines airplane carrying many important @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors. However, an analysis of the plane’s flight trajectory has projected that the terrorists are heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@.
[option] “Do you know how many diplomats and ambassadors are on that plane?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “This is a diplomatic nightmare! But, thank Violet that it’s still diplomatic. Try to negotiate with the terrorists. Surely we could pull some money out of..I don’t know, Social Policy, and use it as ransom money, right?”
[effect] a common reply to extremist statements is “and how does that make you feel?”
[option] “Well, excuse me for inviting terrorists onboard!” quite poshly muses the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Aircraft, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle. “We’re...going under, and given more government funding, we could have prevented all those deaths, because @@CAPITAL@@ is lost, let’s face it. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] terrorists only strike when the plane lands
[option] “Why aren’t any of you actually worried about @@CAPITAL@@?!” screeches your Executive Transportation Actuary, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “That plane is going right towards the heart of the government, and we have to stop it immediately! Between hundreds dead plus one plane and thousands dead plus hundreds of MILLIONS of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in damage, the latter is the best option. We’ve got no choice, @@LEADER@@; blow up the plane.”
[effect] missiles are a new unexpected addition to trolley problems
[validity] must not have No Marriage
[option] “NOO! My husband is on that plane, and you WILL NOT kill him!” wails @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, proclaimed wife of a diplomat to Tasmania. “Please, you have to save them; surely you wouldn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Send in your best agents as soon as possible! No, create an emergency landing zone for the plane! No, shoot the plane down! Wait no, don’t do that! Just, create a giant crash pad for the plane, and of course predict where the plane will land. Oh, what if we aren’t quick enough?” @@SHE@@ begins hyperventilating, until escorted out.
[effect] bouncy houses dot the perimeters of major cities
[validity] must have No Marriage
[option] “NOO! My brother is on that plane, and you WILL NOT kill him!” wails @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, proclaimed sister to a diplomat to Tasmania. “Please, you have to save them; surely you wouldn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Send in your best agents as soon as possible! No, create an emergency landing zone for the plane! No, shoot the plane down! Wait no, don’t do that! Just, create a giant crash pad for the plane, and of course predict where the plane will land. Oh, what if we aren’t quick enough?” @@SHE@@ begins hyperventilating, until escorted out.
[effect] bouncy houses dot the perimeters of major cities
[validity] must have religious tolerance
[option] “My fellow brothers and sisters have begun the Great Conversion!” for the first time ever rejoices @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, a freshly visible druid of the Holy Helicopter Order, as your guards are startled by @@RANDOMNAME_3@@‘s sudden entrance. “You laugh at us now, but Zaskmotora the Omnipotent, the Bane of Planes, shall return! @@HIS@@ two serpent heads shall devour you and send you all into eternal darkness, for not believing! All hail Zaskmotora, the Helicopter Purist, the All-Seeing! Burn the ceremonial rotor blades! Sacrifice the sons of @@NAME@@‘s pilots!”
[effect] high priests say Zaskmotora is “just in traffic“
removes policy “Theocracy”
[title] Planefully Obvious
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] As a result of Lilliputia sneaking in flight attendants offering to work for lower wages, many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors returning from political summits have been harassed, bullied, and even mugged. The airline, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, took the deals to cut expenses, as it was running out of business to keep such a good image to be government-favored.
[option] “Do you know how many flight attendants those pesky Lilliputians have snuck in?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have been treated so terribly! Hell, an ambassador was flipped off and mooned! I vote we tighten the hiring requirements so @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines and other unpatriotic airlines only pump out their finest workers! For a better @@NAME@@! Hey, that sounded good. Write that down, please.”
[effect] flight attendants’ boyfriends no longer want your first class seat
[option] “What in my 300 million @@CURRENCY@@ toothbrush happened to economic freedom?” quite poshly asks the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle and simultaneously slipping a fat wad of cash into your back pocket. “It’s just business, plane and simple. It’s not like we wanted those people to be harassed, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you lower the hiring requirements, and possibly even the minimum wages, we could make more money...to then increase the hiring requirements and wages, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] the air marshals are identifiable as the ones with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ accents
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Sorry if my temper flew off the handle a little, but giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, you need to be way more rational.” states your Minister of Rational Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “What if we institute higher hiring requirements for transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of those awful airlines from Dàguó. I will not tolerate Dàguó Airlines longer! No more Dàguó Airlines!” @@HE@@ takes a pause, then continues. “Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your supposedly dead grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] seniors fare well with extensive welfare
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] As a result of Lilliputia sneaking in flight attendants offering to work for lower wages, many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors returning from political summits have been harassed, bullied, and even mugged. The airline, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, took the deals to cut expenses, as it was running out of business to keep such a good image to be government-favored.
[option] “Do you know how many flight attendants those pesky Lilliputians have snuck in?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have been treated so terribly! Hell, an ambassador was flipped off and mooned! I vote we tighten the hiring requirements so @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines and other unpatriotic airlines only pump out their finest workers! For a better @@NAME@@! Hey, that sounded good. Write that down, please.”
[effect] flight attendants’ boyfriends no longer want your first class seat
[option] “What in my 300 million @@CURRENCY@@ toothbrush happened to economic freedom?” quite poshly asks the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle and simultaneously slipping a fat wad of cash into your back pocket. “It’s just business, plane and simple. It’s not like we wanted those people to be harassed, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you lower the hiring requirements, and possibly even the minimum wages, we could make more money...to then increase the hiring requirements and wages, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] the air marshals are identifiable as the ones with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ accents
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Sorry if my temper flew off the handle a little, but giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, you need to be way more rational.” states your Minister of Rational Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “What if we institute higher hiring requirements for transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of those awful airlines from Dàguó. I will not tolerate Dàguó Airlines longer! No more Dàguó Airlines!” @@HE@@ takes a pause, then continues. “Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your supposedly dead grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] seniors fare well with extensive welfare
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[title] Planefully Obvious
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] Many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors returning from political summits have been harassed by Lilliputian flight attendants against their policies, since Lilliputia snuck in flight attendants offering to work for lower wages. The airline, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, took those deals to reduce expenses. Businessmen and ministers have found your office to be the perfect spot to solve the issue.
[option] “Do you know how many flight attendants those pesky Lilliputians have snuck in?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have been treated so terribly! Hell, an ambassador was flipped off and mooned! I vote we tighten the hiring requirements so @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines and other unpatriotic airlines only pump out their finest workers! For a better @@NAME@@! Hey, that sounded good. Write that down, please.”
[effect] flight attendants’ boyfriends no longer want your first class seat
[option] “What in my 300 million @@CURRENCY@@ toothbrush happened to economic freedom?” quite poshly asks the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle and simultaneously slipping a fat wad of cash into your back pocket. “It’s just business, plane and simple. It’s not like we wanted those people to be harassed, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you lower the hiring requirements, and possibly even the minimum wages, we could make more money...to then increase the hiring requirements and wages, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] the air marshals are identifiable as the ones with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ accents
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Sorry if my temper flew off the handle a little, but giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, you need to be way more rational.” states your Minister of Rational Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “What if we institute higher hiring requirements for transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of those awful airlines from Dàguó. I will not tolerate Dàguó Airlines longer! No more Dàguó Airlines!” @@HE@@ takes a pause, then continues. “Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your supposedly dead grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] seniors fare well with extensive welfare
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] Many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors returning from political summits have been harassed by Lilliputian flight attendants against their policies, since Lilliputia snuck in flight attendants offering to work for lower wages. The airline, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, took those deals to reduce expenses. Businessmen and ministers have found your office to be the perfect spot to solve the issue.
[option] “Do you know how many flight attendants those pesky Lilliputians have snuck in?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have been treated so terribly! Hell, an ambassador was flipped off and mooned! I vote we tighten the hiring requirements so @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines and other unpatriotic airlines only pump out their finest workers! For a better @@NAME@@! Hey, that sounded good. Write that down, please.”
[effect] flight attendants’ boyfriends no longer want your first class seat
[option] “What in my 300 million @@CURRENCY@@ toothbrush happened to economic freedom?” quite poshly asks the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle and simultaneously slipping a fat wad of cash into your back pocket. “It’s just business, plane and simple. It’s not like we wanted those people to be harassed, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you lower the hiring requirements, and possibly even the minimum wages, we could make more money...to then increase the hiring requirements and wages, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] the air marshals are identifiable as the ones with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ accents
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Sorry if my temper flew off the handle a little, but giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, you need to be way more rational.” states your Minister of Rational Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “What if we institute higher hiring requirements for transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of those awful airlines from Dàguó. I will not tolerate Dàguó Airlines longer! No more Dàguó Airlines!” @@HE@@ takes a pause, then continues. “Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your supposedly dead grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] seniors fare well with extensive welfare
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[title] Planefully Obvious
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] Many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors returning from political summits have been harassed by flight attendants, due to the flight attendants’ stances against their policies, due to their aggressive upbringing in their homeland of Lilliputia, due to Lilliputia’s aggressive nature, due to the founder’s aggressive nature, due to the founder’s mother having one too many beers, and so many Lilliputian mothers become drunk, so many Lilliputians gain aggressive natures, because Lilliputia gained an aggressive nature, which obviously caused Lilliputia to sneak in their flight attendants offering to work for lower wages. The airline, @@DEMONYM@@ Airlines, took those deals to reduce expenses. Businessmen and ministers have found your office to be the perfect spot to solve the issue.
[option] “Do you know how many flight attendants those pesky Lilliputians have snuck in?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have been treated so terribly! Hell, an ambassador was flipped off and mooned! I vote we tighten the hiring requirements so @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines and other unpatriotic airlines only pump out their finest workers! For a better @@NAME@@!”
[effect] flight attendants’ boyfriends no longer want your first class seat
[option] “What in my 300 million @@CURRENCY@@ toothbrush happened to economic freedom?” asks the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle and simultaneously slipping a fat wad of cash into your back pocket. “It’s not like we wanted those people to be harassed, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you lower the hiring requirements, and possibly even the minimum wages, we could make more money...to then increase the hiring requirements and wages, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] the air marshals are identifiable as the ones with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ accents
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, you need to be way more rational.” states your Minister of Rational Solutions, James Rational. “What if we institute higher hiring requirements for transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of those awful airlines from Dàguó. I will not tolerate Dàguó Airlines longer! No more Dàguó Airlines!” @@HE@@ takes a pause, then continues. “Doesn’t that sound lovely?” @@HE@@ asks, as @@HIS@@ girlfriend, Rosa Lovely, nods @@HER@@ head.
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your supposedly dead grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] seniors fare well with extensive welfare
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] Many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors returning from political summits have been harassed by flight attendants, due to the flight attendants’ stances against their policies, due to their aggressive upbringing in their homeland of Lilliputia, due to Lilliputia’s aggressive nature, due to the founder’s aggressive nature, due to the founder’s mother having one too many beers, and so many Lilliputian mothers become drunk, so many Lilliputians gain aggressive natures, because Lilliputia gained an aggressive nature, which obviously caused Lilliputia to sneak in their flight attendants offering to work for lower wages. The airline, @@DEMONYM@@ Airlines, took those deals to reduce expenses. Businessmen and ministers have found your office to be the perfect spot to solve the issue.
[option] “Do you know how many flight attendants those pesky Lilliputians have snuck in?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their premium @@ANIMAL@@ hide and suede shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have been treated so terribly! Hell, an ambassador was flipped off and mooned! I vote we tighten the hiring requirements so @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines and other unpatriotic airlines only pump out their finest workers! For a better @@NAME@@!”
[effect] flight attendants’ boyfriends no longer want your first class seat
[option] “What in my 300 million @@CURRENCY@@ toothbrush happened to economic freedom?” asks the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while cleaning @@HIS@@ monocle and simultaneously slipping a fat wad of cash into your back pocket. “It’s not like we wanted those people to be harassed, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you lower the hiring requirements, and possibly even the minimum wages, we could make more money...to then increase the hiring requirements and wages, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] the air marshals are identifiable as the ones with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ accents
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, you need to be way more rational.” states your Minister of Rational Solutions, James Rational. “What if we institute higher hiring requirements for transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of those awful airlines from Dàguó. I will not tolerate Dàguó Airlines longer! No more Dàguó Airlines!” @@HE@@ takes a pause, then continues. “Doesn’t that sound lovely?” @@HE@@ asks, as @@HIS@@ girlfriend, Rosa Lovely, nods @@HER@@ head.
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your supposedly dead grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] seniors fare well with extensive welfare
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[title] Planefully Obvious
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] Many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors returning from political summits have been harassed by flight attendants opposed to their decisions at the meeting, due to Lilliputia sneaking in their flight attendants offering to work for lower wages. The airline, @@DEMONYM@@ Airlines, has taken these deals, to reduce expenses. Businessmen and ministers have found your office to be the perfect spot to solve the issue.
[option] “Do you know how many flight attendants those pesky Lilliputians have snuck in?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their leather shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have been treated so terribly! I vote we tighten the hiring requirements so @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines and other unpatriotic airlines only pump out their finest workers! For a better @@NAME@@!”
[effect] flight attendants’ boyfriends no longer want your first class seat
[option] “What happened to economic freedom?” asks the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while wiping @@HIS@@ monocle. “It’s not like we wanted those people to be harassed, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you lower the hiring requirements, and possibly even the minimum wages, we could make more money...to then increase the hiring requirements and wages, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] the air marshals are identifiable as the ones with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ accents
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, I have a solution.” states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Mediocre Solutions. “What if we institute higher hiring requirements for transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of those awful airlines from Dàguó. I will not tolerate Dàguó Airlines longer! No more Dàguó Airlines!” @@HE@@ takes a pause, then continues. “Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] seniors fare well with extensive welfare
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] Many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomats and ambassadors returning from political summits have been harassed by flight attendants opposed to their decisions at the meeting, due to Lilliputia sneaking in their flight attendants offering to work for lower wages. The airline, @@DEMONYM@@ Airlines, has taken these deals, to reduce expenses. Businessmen and ministers have found your office to be the perfect spot to solve the issue.
[option] “Do you know how many flight attendants those pesky Lilliputians have snuck in?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their leather shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have been treated so terribly! I vote we tighten the hiring requirements so @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines and other unpatriotic airlines only pump out their finest workers! For a better @@NAME@@!”
[effect] flight attendants’ boyfriends no longer want your first class seat
[option] “What happened to economic freedom?” asks the CEO of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while wiping @@HIS@@ monocle. “It’s not like we wanted those people to be harassed, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you lower the hiring requirements, and possibly even the minimum wages, we could make more money...to then increase the hiring requirements and wages, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] the air marshals are identifiable as the ones with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ accents
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, I have a solution.” states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Mediocre Solutions. “What if we institute higher hiring requirements for transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of those awful airlines from Dàguó. I will not tolerate Dàguó Airlines longer! No more Dàguó Airlines!” @@HE@@ takes a pause, then continues. “Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] seniors fare well with extensive welfare
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[title] Plane and Simple
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] A great tragedy has occurred, as many @@DENONYM@@ diplomats and ambassadors lost their lives in a plane crash, due to a cut corner in the plane production process by the private company, @@DENONYM@@ Airlines, to reduce expenses. Businessmen and ministers have found your office to be the perfect spot to solve the issue.
[option] “Do you know how many families I’ve had to notify and apologize to today?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their leather shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have died! I vote we seize @@DENONYM@@ Airlines and any other heartless airline to the government, to guarantee safety, and so I get free sea- I mean, for the fallen diplomats and ambassadors, of course.”
[effect] the daily airport delay count quadruples
[option] “What happened to economic freedom?” asks the CEO of @@DENONYM@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while wiping @@HIS@@ monocle. “It’s not like we wanted those innocent people to die, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you remove the safety codes, we could make more money...to then increase the safety, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] airlines are introducing convertible airplanes for double the price
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, I have a solution.” states your Minister of Mediocre Solutions. “What if we install major safety checks on all transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of that awful JetLiteBlue. And only serve my favorite snacks, and drinks. And first class needs my permission. What? Oh fine, the last two I could be okay without. But I will not tolerate JetLiteBlue any longer! No more JetLiteBlue! Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] private jet sales tank, as none want or can afford it
Policy “No Planes” is added.
[validity] Capitalist, doesn’t have No Planes
[description] A great tragedy has occurred, as many @@DENONYM@@ diplomats and ambassadors lost their lives in a plane crash, due to a cut corner in the plane production process by the private company, @@DENONYM@@ Airlines, to reduce expenses. Businessmen and ministers have found your office to be the perfect spot to solve the issue.
[option] “Do you know how many families I’ve had to notify and apologize to today?!” yells your Minister of Foreign Affairs, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while the businessmen stare at their leather shoes. “If it weren’t for those greedy pigs in the three-piece suits cutting costs, those innocent @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ wouldn’t have died! I vote we seize @@DENONYM@@ Airlines and any other heartless airline to the government, to guarantee safety, and so I get free sea- I mean, for the fallen diplomats and ambassadors, of course.”
[effect] the daily airport delay count quadruples
[option] “What happened to economic freedom?” asks the CEO of @@DENONYM@@ Airlines, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while wiping @@HIS@@ monocle. “It’s not like we wanted those innocent people to die, but life happens, and you just have to deal with that. Perhaps if you remove the safety codes, we could make more money...to then increase the safety, of course. Also, we’d like a tax cut.”
[effect] airlines are introducing convertible airplanes for double the price
[option] “That’s complete and utter @@ANIMAL@@ crap!” screams your Minister of Leftism, while throwing a fit in front of you. “Giving private companies any freedom will always result in this corporate greed! Power to the people! Let’s get rid of private transportation, to end this madness! First privatization, and then the minds of the workers! AHAHAHAHA!” @@HE@@ cackles, until dragged out of your office by the CEO’s security guards.
[effect] anyone sitting on the right aisle of planes is arrested
[option] “Calm down everyone, I have a solution.” states your Minister of Mediocre Solutions. “What if we install major safety checks on all transportation, but we also subsidize the airlines? Only the ones I-, I mean we, like, of course. So none of that awful JetLiteBlue. And only serve my favorite snacks, and drinks. And first class needs my permission. What? Oh fine, the last two I could be okay without. But I will not tolerate JetLiteBlue any longer! No more JetLiteBlue! Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
[effect] airlines strive to become the government favorite
[option] “Why do we need such shenanigans like planes anyways?” asks your grandpa. “Why do we even need money wastefully poured into transportation when seniors like me need it? I say we transfer lots of transportation funding directly into Senior Welfare. Most of us will get to enjoy it, anyways.”
[effect] private jet sales tank, as none want or can afford it
Policy “No Planes” is added.
