by World Web » Fri Jun 26, 2020 11:48 pm
by Australian rePublic » Sat Jun 27, 2020 2:35 am
by Westinor » Sat Jun 27, 2020 10:15 pm
by World Web » Sat Jun 27, 2020 10:40 pm
Westinor wrote:World Web wrote:
Thanks for the feedback, I will change it now.
Also, try not to use @@NAME@@ in effect lines - it leads to confusing sentences, like so:
Following new legislation in Westinor, Westinor invades any nation that speaks against them.
And the beginning of effect lines should not be capitalised.
by Westinor » Mon Jun 29, 2020 10:24 pm
A Lilliputian nationalist terrorist group member has been captured by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Soldiers and after being integrated he admitted that the Lilliputian government has been giving bounties on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Soldiers. Officials have called you to brief you on what to do.
by Australian rePublic » Tue Jun 30, 2020 5:17 am
by World Web » Tue Jun 30, 2020 10:14 pm
Westinor wrote:Once more there should not be an exclamation mark at the end of your first effect line.A Lilliputian nationalist terrorist group member has been captured by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Soldiers and after being integrated he admitted that the Lilliputian government has been giving bounties on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Soldiers. Officials have called you to brief you on what to do.
First off, you're in need of a little bit of help in your description.
"A Lilliputian nationalist terrorist (is group member really needed here?) has been captured by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldiers, and after being (interrogated, I presume?), he revealed that the Lilliputian government has been offering bounties for each @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ killed. (Not so sure it needs to be soldiers, but if so, go right ahead and add that back in). You don't need the next sentence, as it only serves as a redundant reminder of what is going on in the rest of the issue.
Similar grammar issues are scattered around the issue, especially regarding tense - I'll try to get to them later, but you should try and seek them out. Also, looking at your options really quickly, I'm finding that both of your core options are very thin (especially option 1) in content and need a bit more work - option 2 can work but needs to be portrayed as a more extreme choice (seeing as irl countries tend not to attack unprovoked, and though this is provocation of a sort there has been no actual action taken, so diplomatic attempt would likely be made first, though again, NS often makes attacking countries less of an international squabble than it actually is so there's that) and option 3 is a nice whack at a wacky option but you need to take care of the first two first.
by Authoritaria-Imperia » Mon Jul 06, 2020 11:42 pm
Please don't submit this yet; it's simply not ready. Be prepared to draft for several more weeks at least — Issues-writing is a long process.World Web wrote:Anything else before I submit it?
by Candlewhisper Archive » Tue Jul 07, 2020 4:46 am
by World Web » Tue Jul 07, 2020 11:50 pm
Candlewhisper Archive wrote:If someone asks you to clarify something within the story, then the clarification should take place within the story itself.
As Aussie says, why is this happening?
Have your issue's text give the answer.
Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:Please don't submit this yet; it's simply not ready. Be prepared to draft for several more weeks at least — Issues-writing is a long process.World Web wrote:Anything else before I submit it?
I suggest you use an online programme to work through spelling/grammar errors, as there are quite a few mistakes right now. Beefing up your options with humour/content is a good idea too; as present they're extremely short. And as Westinor has said, please do not end your effect lines with any punctuation at all.
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