World Cup 85 || RP Thread

by **HUElavia** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 7:49 am

HUElavia vs Zwangzug Cold Intro

What a way to start our World Cup. We held out for a full 90 minutes against the co-host and reigning champion. We had the home crowd turn on them, all while our players were supported by the team for their efforts. Things could have gone a little better, but hey, a point is a point. Especially during a rematch from the last World Cup.

Now, we play in another rematch, against Zwangzug. Yes, the team that we best in the last World Cup. Yes, the same team that gave our superstar Marc Navarro make a name for himself on the International Stage. This time around, the scenario is different: We're looking at a possible chance to get a victory, while Zwangzug is in need of a victory. Both of these teams are gonna be playing hard to achieve that goal.

Hopefully, we could see our players score a goal, especially after the attacking power they displayed in the Qualifiers. Tonight, the nation will be backing our team for another match. Call them what you want: Amarillos or Amarelos, we're going to wear those colors with pride and be there for the ride.

So Pray to your God, do your little pre-game rituals. Cause tonight can be a special night for the HUElavian National Football Team. As always, Go HUElavia!

We believe in you.

Game 2

HUElavia vs Zwangzug

by **Turori** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 8:55 am

Eels make Abandoned Stadium Home in World Cup 85 Opener

It was just one cycle ago. The site was the FiveStar Mobile Stadium in Brattleboro. Turorian fans were out in full force, many flown into Rushmore by Cocoa-bo, the Chocolatey Delectable, just for the World Cup Finals. Cocoa-bo had turned Cassadaigua into a home away from home taking stock in the port city of Starksville and setting up a Rushmori hub of operations in the city. After defeating the host nation on the opening matchday of the tournament, the Eels would go on to top Group A and get a favorable draw in the Round of 16 against Kita-Hinode.

Unfortunately, the momentum gained by finishing atop their group and taking a top seed status through to the knockout was all lost with an unfortunate result in Brattleboro. The Turori National Team fought to a deadlock with Kita-Hinode and the match itself was scoreless through 90 minutes. The Eels could not find a way to break through and eventually it was their opponents who found the back of the net, ending the Eels run for the World Cup before it ever really picked up steam. It was a humbling moment for a team that seemed on the verge of its first World Cup Title. After finishing 4th in World Cup 81 and losing the World Cup 82 Final to rivals Vilita, some back in the Island Emirate had questions whether the Turorian window had closed. They speculated the Eels were back to their old underachieving selves and the blip of success they experienced in the early 80's had come and gone.

Twelve games into World Cup 85 Qualifying, the nay-sayers were silenced as a then-perfect Turori appeared set to cruise into the World Cup Finals with a fully-loaded freight trains worth of momentum. Instead, The Eels backed into the Finals with a near-implosion during the second half of Qualifying that saw them only barely clinch the Top Spot in Group 1 on the final match day.

With all the uncertainty, the importance of the opening match of the World Cup 85 Finals could not be understated for the Turori National Team. Not only for the critics and the pundits, not only for the fans - but for the Citizen Squad themselves. No matter how confident they are on the pitch they must always have one eye looking over their shoulder back at Cocoabo Park where the Cocoabo Enrichment and Enhancement Project continues in full force pumping out athletically inclined Cocoabo that would be ready to step in whenever change was needed. How many Cycles of job security had an appearance in the World Cup Finals bought for Turori's National Citizen Squad? When would the rug be pulled out from under them if they failed to deliver in Farfadillis and Mriin?

The Turori National Team were drawn into Group A of the World Cup Finals against the host nation for the second consecutive cycle. Unlike World Cup 84, however, it would not be a Cup-opening match against the hosts in hostile territory to open the competition. Instead, Turori's opponent would be Zwangzug for whom they had just played a home-and-away series against during Eagles Cup VIII. Each team was victorious in front of their home fans but Turori were arguably the better side across the two matches. They were hoping to utilize some of that knowledge to get a good start on their Finals campaign and were able to do just that when Mbdiai Akarenaa opened the scoring just 15 minutes at La Snerra, the high capacity former home of the Farfadillis National Team.

The stadium may have received a fresh coat of paint ahead of the World Cup 85 Finals but the Turorian fans packed into the arena could visibly see the effect that time had had on the arena that at some spots looked marginally unsafe after having not been used in competition for over 40 years. None of that mattered when Akarenaa's goal hit the back of the net as Nigel's Army - Turori's travelling fan base ten's of thousands strong in the event - erupted in dance and song. They were perhaps more boisterous due to the fact that none of them had any seats to sit in and needed a way to justify motion into their increasingly burning legs.

Despite the lack of proper seats many took a break at the half and sat on the concrete slabs or outside the concourse. There were 45 minutes to go and despite taking the early lead, Turori had looked a little shaky in possession playing more defense then ball control. Turori made two changes at the half introducing Turakia Diijelhma in place of Kentu Umaka'a and making a change up top with Wiztsana Iretziia replacing Kiidallen Aeroluzzi.

Neither change would play into the matches second goal, however, as Yitizo Mpala'a was able to head past Zwangzug goalkeeper Paige Daunten to double the Eels advantage less than ten minutes into the second half. Daunten, the most experienced goalkeeper on the Zwangzug record, was left stranded by her defenders as Daliora Toru'u delivered Turori's 3rd corner kick of the game and Mpala'a unmarked was given a clear line to goal. The veteran defender from Lonngeylin Coast wheeled away in celebration as it appeared that goal would be enough to secure three points in the opener for Turori. Daunten, who plays domestically in Farfadillis for La Avenida was no doubt hoping for a strong performance in front of family and friends and seemed upset after the goal barking at her defenders before they slurked back into position for the restart. Zwangzug would pull a goal back late in the match through Satenik Banach to set up a tense finish but in the end, Turori would hold on to get their World Cup 85 Finals off to the perfect start.

 Turori [2] - [1] Zwangzug

GOALS:	Turori 	:: 15' Mbdiai Akarenaa:: 53' Yitizo Mpala'a             		Zwangzug:: [b]87' Satenik Banach            		
	STATS:	Turori 	:: Possession: 55%:: Shots: 7:: Corners: 15	Zwangzug 	:: Possession: 45%:: Shots: 4:: Corners: 5
	Lineup:	[GK] Timaala Hualtia, [D.] Lulu Pumaziiri, [D.] Biliki Rona'atu'i, [D.] Yitizo Mpala'a, [D.]  Moumouni Verre'elali, [ML]  Daliora Toru'u, [MC] Kentu Umaka'a, [MC]  Mbdiai Akarenaa, [MR]  Kiidallen Aeroluzzi, [FC] Meldi'ita Mungwaii, [FC] Nua'oma Aikiki			
	Bench:	[FC] Wiztsana Iretziia, [FC] Turakia Diijelhma, [M] Nubara Moafalia, [M] Lati'ala Giaoka, [U ] Tarek Edgeli, [D] Amakli Inuro'o, [GK] Mitimi Obalialo

While the Turori National Team came away with three points from their opening match at the World Cup 85 Finals, they were far from through to the knockout rounds as they now had to look ahead to their next opponent, World Cup 84 Champion and World Cup 85 host nation Farfadillis. The Farves would be looking to make up for a slow start after being held by HUElavia in their opener at La Fantas. Defeat to the Eels on Matchday 2 would mean Farfadillis would have no option but victory on the final matchday in order to advance to the knockout rounds, and would have to also rely on Turori to defeat HUElavia on the same day to secure their place. However, the Farvelles will have more than just advancing the knockout rounds on their minds in Ferdullaele as some will also be thinking back to the World Cup 82 Semi-Finals.

At the time, it seemed the Farfiffile's best chance to claim a World Cup Title had arrived. They had made it to the Semi-Finals and had only perennial underachievers Turori standing in their way. Turori had been absolutely thrashed in the Semi-Final of World Cup 81 and with the way that Farfadillis had been scoring goals, many expected a similar result in Valanora & Apox. Instead, however, Turori went rampant scoring six goals seemingly out of no where to stun Farfadillis and it was the Eels that would advance to their first ever World Cup Final - only to be thrashed themselves in embarrassing fashion by neighbors Vilita.

Of course, most of the pain from the 6-3 result in World Cup 82 had vanished into thin air at the decisive moment of World Cup 84, when Farfadillis had overcome the #1 team in the multiverse to claim their first World Cup title. While there will be scores of Farfulites overflowing the concourse at La Snerra, it will be a venue just as foreign to many of the Farfadillis players as it is to the visiting teams of World Cup 85. In fact, having played their opening match against Zwangzug at the arena, Turori's National Citizen Squad have planted a flag of their own at La Snerra and will be looking to make their Northeastern Farfadillis based home away from home a fortress of sorts with the hope of securing advancement through to the knockout rounds after three consecutive matches at the venue, and setting sail on a quest for a first-ever World Cup title of their own.

by **Cassadaigua** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 9:27 am

On the night prior to their wedding, many men may have a customary Bachelor Party. This tradition does exist within Cassadaigua, but for Prince Caspian, it was never something that was going to happen. This was not only because he did not have many friends outside of the Royal Family of both Cassadaigua and Quebec, but it was also something that had not interested him. His life had changed, beginning with when he first engaged to Princess Christine, and then with the eventual coronation. Christine was now Queen, and there was nothing on Caspian’s mind other then fulfilling the great honor that had come upon him. Ever since the coronation, the entire royal family had been focused on this moment that everyone knew would come, but now was eventually here. The families and royal lineage of Cassadaigua and Quebec were now officially, and formally, going to be interconnected.

Queen Cassie II spent a lot of her time leading up to the wedding being concerned about how this interconnection would affect the Matriarchy, but never truly lost sight that the concerns in Quebec would be much the same towards Cassadaigua. While Caspian and Christine are in love, the populace of each nation may not be completely convinced that the two nations are a match made in Heaven. Therefore, soon after arriving in Quebec City after much fanfare, the Queen would give a speech from the Palais Royale, with the blessing of Queen Christine herself, and it would be directed towards the people of Quebec.

“Good morning, citizens of the Kingdom of the Quebec. It is an esteemed privilege for me to be standing here, where so many great rulers of your nation, especially King Jacques IX, who was a great friend of mine. Now, under the leadership of Queen Christine II, the nation will continue to thrive as she carries on his great legacy. Very soon, a special and unique ceremony will be taking place as Christine, and my son, Caspian exchange vows in matrimony. Their love is eternal, and this bond will forever link the nations of Quebec and Cassadaigua. It has been an honor for me to come here often and get the warm welcome that I do in Quebec. It has begun to feel like a second home to me, and a place that I look forward to visiting over the many years to come.

As the two nations become linked, I want to assure the people of Quebec that this will only serve to benefit each nation. We have been allies for the longest time, and this will only strengthen those ties. It will make your nation greater, and it will make our nation greater. I look forward to doing everything in my power to ensure that each of us thrive to the fullest!”

Other members of the Royal Family would simply enjoy the atmosphere. This was going to be a party for them, and while the oldest ones, Cassie III and Chelsea would certainly look at this with a little bit of envy wishing it was them, they would know that their time would come eventually.

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 10:24 am

RBC Sports

Post-Match Panel

Stepan Stelik: Good evening Siovanija & Teusland, and welcome to RBC Sports’ post-match coverage of World Cup 85. We’re live here in Hosingr, Mriin, where Eura have just defeated Siovanija & Teusland 3-0. I’m with former FC Teussen Stelburg man Joseph Grassl, he played and managed at the club, as well as RBC Sports special guest analyst Miroslav Dinev, current Energija Chernovets man and once the captain of the national team. Gentlemen, a tough loss tonight - any immediate thoughts?

Joseph Grassl: I think they were a bit overawed with the occasion, Stepan. They never really seemed comfortable in the match - they kept the Eurans contained in the first half, obviously, but they never seemed to be getting chances of their own or ever really looking threatening.

Miroslav Dinev: I’ve got to agree with Joseph - I think they put a bit too much pressure on themselves in the build up to this one, talking about how confident they were going into the tournament - you aren’t the ones in this game with the pressure, you’re the underdogs! But they never seemed to fully grasp that, and I think it cost them today.

SS: Tactically, do you think it was the wrong move from Gavin Hughes to set up as defensively as they were?

JG: I would’ve liked to see a bit more intent from them, yeah. When you set up to absorb, you take a guy like Todor Mihailov out of the game. He’s your big link, your guy who controls the tempo of the game, and when you let Eura dictate for the whole game, you’re basically reducing such a skilled player to just another body. I think it also hurt the wingers, too - Tauscher and Kogler barely saw the ball, and of course Ribbeck wasn’t getting any service.

MD: I think he was thinking back to the 0-0 draw between these sides in Stelburg before the start of the Qualifiers - thinking that that should be the model for this game. And it was always going to be a tough match - but to add to what Joseph’s said, I think the biggest victim in all of it was Thorsten Kramer. His best attribute is how he can adapt to a few different positions, a jack of all trades in the midfield, really - and as a striker myself, I love a player like that who can come up and play right behind me. But when you reduce your game to a few counters here and there, you lose that unpredictability that helps make him great.

SS: While the Goldhorns got away with it in the first half, going into the break level - Eura would break the game open quickly with 2 goals within 10 minutes of the restart. What went wrong for the Goldhorns in the lead up to those goals?

JG: Well, Eura obviously made some adjustments at the half, and clearly their manager had got them inspired to come out and break down that Goldhorn resistance. I think, though, that the first goal wasn’t really anyone’s fault, just the skill of the Eurans coming through - a great strike by Brian Bond, but what else do you expect from a world-class player like that.

MD: And that second goal - I think the Goldhorns were disheartened after the opener, thinking how are we going to get ourselves back into this one? And when the game becomes about not making mistakes, usually you make mistakes - and Mihailov gives the ball away to Rowland, Rowland rushes forward, a few more passes, and Griffiths makes it 2-0. I feel bad for Heuser, he was probably our best player out there, but it is what it is.

SS: And in the end, it’s a harsh 3-0 defeat for the Goldhorns. You guys have both played at high levels, and Joseph, you’ve managed some great teams - what’s going on in that Goldhorn locker room right now?

JG: I remember, one of my first years as Teussen manager, we lost 5-2 to 1912 Stelburg on the first day of the Regionalliga. I had them locked in that room for probably an hour after, just everyone blowing off steam, getting it all out. We came back from that and won our next 4 straight. I think Gavin’s got to take a step back and let the players talk it out, talk about what they need to do better.

MD: And for me - I think back to the opening game of AOCAF 56. Going into the first game, we talked a lot about how we felt good going in, and that we needed to get off to a strong start. Then we got pumped 4-0 by Cosumar in the first game. It wasn’t very fun, and like Joseph’s said, there was a lot of yelling in that locker room. But by training the next day, we were all looking ahead to the next game, and we actually won both of our remaining games in the group to advance.

SS: The loss breaks the Goldhorns’ 23-match unbeaten run - the longest in team history - that included wins over Banija and the Free Republics, and dated back to the 2nd match of Qualifiers. Is this loss a momentum killer, or an opportunity for a reset?

JG: I don’t think you can fully answer that question yet, Stepan - ask me again after the group stage is over. I do think that if they can all pull together, it’s definitely an opportunity for reset, it all depends on where they put their focus after this one.

MD: One big thing I think that comes of this - it makes both of the remaining matches must-wins. The Goldhorns are going to have to play 180 minutes of desperate football, and I think in the past, many of the times we’ve seen this team at its best it’s when they have no other option.

SS: Next up, of course, is Baker Park - who won their opening match 6-4 over Terre Septentrionale. The national team lost to Baker Park in a friendly at the Olimpski-Stadion earlier in the year, but in the most recent competitive match between the two, it was a 1-0 win for the Goldhorns at AOCAF 60. Any changes you’d like to see to the Goldhorns’ lineup for the next game?

JG: I think it really depends on how the team is set up. I don’t think Hughes is going to go for the sitting back again, and if that’s the case, then I think I’m fine with the current composition of the squad - but if he is wanting to go more defensive, bring Dennis Brotzmann in, he’ll offer you far more as a holding midfielder than trying to make a player not suited to the role do it. He put him on late in this one, but we were already 2-0 down by that point.

MD: You know, I wouldn’t have minded seeing Darijen Vesele come on today at the half when they needed inspiration from somewhere, and I’d like to see him get the start. Lotbiniere was solid, but Vesele was excellent in Qualifying and with his pace, he is such a threat on the right side. If you let him get a cross away, you know it’s going to be solid - and he could’ve given Ribbeck some much-needed service today. Otherwise, this is your best-choice lineup, and I think you have to stick with it.

SS: That does it for us tonight, we’ll be back with total coverage as Siovanija & Teusland take on Baker Park in game 2 of World Cup 85. Come on you Goldhorns!

Siovanija & Teusland 0-3 Eura, @ Iron Alley, Hosingr, Mriin

Starting XI: Heuser; Steimle, Klopfer, Jager, Lotbiniere; Mihailov (Brotzmann 65’), Kramer, V. Dimitrov (Bliznakov 75’); Kogler, Tauscher (Romanov 75’), Ribbeck
Goals: N/A
Stelburger Zeitung Man of the Match: Ewald Heuser

by **Banija** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 1:39 pm

Matchday 1, Sarzonia, and the Kadongo Kamu- A combination from hell

Ilman Jawara(#9) attempts to squeeze through two Sarzonian defenders during the opening match of World Cup 85

FAROLERA, FARFADILLIS- World Cup 85 was certainly shaping up to be an exciting one for the Kadongo Kamu. The heightened expectations brought upon by a 22-1-1 Qualifying campaign, a firm spot in Pot 1 in a country just on the other side of the Shango-Fogoa Arm, the body of water that separates Banija's southern coastline from the northern tip of the island of Farfadillis. Of course, there was a whole lot of politics surrounding Banija's trip to Farfadillis, but the team and the fanbase had largely resolved to shut that out of sight and mind. The Banijan government were encouraging Banijan fans, as the closest country in the World Cup to Farfadillis, to volunteer while they were there, and some answered the call, although most were simply in Farfadillis for the party of the World Cup.

A lot of potential distractions at the World Cup considering recent events. But, maybe surprisingly, there is no outright, widespread hatred of the Kadongo Kamu by Farf locals- an outcome that many expected to happen, in light of recent events. Not much support, per say, but many thought there would be an active and strong dislike. That has not materialized, yet anyways, at this tournament. In turn, we were given a very intriguing group for fans. Our first opponent would be Sarzonia, from Pot 4. A team that we have a lot of recent history against, taking down the Junior Stars twice in AOCAF LIX, and then taking them down twice in World Cup 84 Qualifying. A team that had certainly gained Banijan respect. And then the Free Republics. There is no match history there- although the two sides co-hosted World Cup 81 together. Still, an interesting matchup. Lastly, there would be Pasarga. This would be the third World Cup where Banija would face Pasarga on Matchday 3- making them our most frequent World Cup opponent. We lost to them in both World Cup 81 and 82, each by one goal. That makes us the last opponent Pasarga has beaten in the World Cup Finals.

Now, that leads us into Matchday 1 against Sarzonia. Before we talk about how this went, there is a double history here. First, the developing history we have with Sarzonia. Since Sarzonia's return, we've faced them four times in competitive matches- twice in AOCAF LIX, twice in World Cup 84 Qualifying. Each matchup, we came out as victors in close games. Lots of games, lots of wins. But let's take that to another sport where we had a number of matchups against Sarzonia- lacrosse. In the last World Lacrosse Championships cycle, we played Sarzonia four times. We beat them in the Moravica Lacrosse Invitational, essentially a psuedo AO championship event, and then beat them twice in the group stages of those WLCs. But we faced them a fourth time in the quarterfinals of that tournament, much bigger than those three preceding matches- and they smoked us out of the water.

There was such high hopes for the Banijan lacrosse team in that tournament, going undefeated at the Moravica Lacrosse Invitational, and undefeated in the group stages. But another matchup against a Sarzonia team that we had prior success against on a grand stage- and it would be the Stars who would triumph. Of course, there's similarities here- the actual World Cup, of course, is a much greater stage than group play in the AOCAFs, or World Cup Qualifying. And of course, we already had four consecutive wins against them going in. Those streaks do not go on forever. Nervous, perhaps?

That leads us to the second part of the double history we are talking about. We are talking about the recent history of the Kadongo Kamu and Matchday 1 of a major tournament. There has been a rough pattern of Banija getting off to slow starts at major tournaments since our World Cup 83 semifinal run vaulted us from the upper 20s to the top 6. But wait- didn't we beat Mercedini 3-0 away from home to start World Cup 85 Qualifying? Yes, but Qualifying, by definition, isn't a major tournament. Let's take a look here, shall we? Let's start at World Cup 84. Banija v. Farfadillis, Matchday 1. Farfadillis comes out a 3-2 winner. Then, AOCAF LX. Banija v. Torisakia. Matchday 1. We got our doors blown off by 0-3. The Eagle's Cup. Matchday 1. Playing in Chromatika, away to that nation. We fall 1-0. And now, World Cup 85.

There's never a problem until there is one, and then you notice the pattern. It's not something people generally even noticed, even before this match. But after how this match went, now it's a pattern that will hang over the heads of this national team- why do we always lose in Matchday 1? Even the questions in the post-game, almost every reporter asked about it, although not once was anyone on the national team asked about this before the Sarzonia game. Why do we consistently get off to slow starts at major tournaments? Was it a mental issue, were we bad at focusing? Or was it something else? Could we not deal with the pressure of being in the Top 5 and being considered a pre-tournament favorite to contend for our first ever WCC trophy?

As the game started, many Banijans believed that this team would be able to get off to a strong start, and chart a less stressful path towards the knockout stages. And yet, instead, it would be Sarzonia upending the group and ensuring that anything is possible. The Banijans were on the front foot, however, to start the game. Gitonga Kahara came out firing, washing the taste of a couple of bad friendlies out of his mouth when he found the back of the net in just the fourth minute. 1-0, we were cruising, the fans dancing. And then things continued to get better for the side, when Namakula Kawesa made it 2-0. It looked as if the heavily favored Banijans would cruise through Matchday 1, being 2-0 up inside half an hour.

But 2-0 can be a dangerous lead. Can cause you to sit back when there is still plenty of game, and still certainly a chance to make it close. The Banijans started to sit back, and the Stars took full advantage. It would be the Stars scoring in the 37th minute to make it 2-1, and taking the momentum into halftime, although they were trailing on the scoreboard. Everyone in the building could sense it- the Sarzonians were excited. The Banijans did have a chance to bury the game in the 56th minute, however, when Raynor City winger Madu Okparra was brought down for a penalty. Ilman Jawara stared right across at Lakiska SC goalkeeper Carlton Sandt. Sandt had a great jump on the ball and made a spectacular diving save, and all the momentum went towards the Stars. You could feel the game getting away from the Banijans.

At the hour mark, the Sarzonians came level, and the nerves rose on the green side of the stadium. The blue portion of the crowd was going absolutely nuts- they could sense things going their way. Marcus Waters attempted to make two substitutions to try and turn the tide. Amadi Uche came into the game for Kizza Okafor at central midfield, and Lama Nyang came into the game for Fekati Abdi. But the Sarzonians were simply the better squad on the day, although not on paper. And in stoppage time, when Jumu Sanneh allowed yet another rebound that was pounded into the back of the net, the Banijans sat there, stunned.

They had blown it. Completely and utterly. Marcus Waters gave full credit to Sarzonia. "Look, it's been a while since they've been to a World Cup. They are all the way down in Pot 4. They went down 2-0. And yet, they didn't give up. Full credit to their mental toughness- it's not easy to win at a World Cup. It's not easy to come back at a World Cup, such a short tournament. And yet, they did just that." Starting with the Pot 4, many fans of the Kadongo Kamu figured we'd have three points and the inside track on the group stages. Now, if we lose on Matchday 2, we could be eliminated. And we play a high-flying Free Republics, who put a stunning six goals past a talented Pasarga side on Matchday 1.

It gives us a challenge. We do know this- if we do not get a result, we are as good as eliminated. If we do not get a result, a point from Sarzonia in their game against Pasarga would eliminate us. All these expectations, #1 overall in Qualifying, ranked four in the world, and eliminated after two games? To say it would be a disappointment would be an understatement. Of course, the team is used to having their backs against the wall early. We already detailed how we struggle on Matchday 1 of these major tournaments. The manager is making two changes to the starting XI for the Free Republics, in an effort to jump start a World Cup campaign that is already on life support.

Jumu Sanneh has always had a tenuous hold on the #1 goalkeeper position. He's struggled, although he had a strong Qualifying campaign. But he allowed two goals off of rebounds- not the greatest goalkeeping in the world. It looks like Marcus Waters isn't messing around, as he's announced Francois Tantoh, the Herzegovina City goalkeeper, will start Matchday 2. The other change, is putting Amadi Uche back into the starting XI, instead of Kizza Okafor. We'll see if they can play well enough to jumpstart the campaign, or whether there will be a lot of loud questions asked of Marcus Waters and the Kadongo Kamu after Matchday 2.

by **Alasdair I Frosticus** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 2:09 pm

Independent Cocoa-bo Commission
Transcript of Next Session

Sir Barsanuphius
Good Afternoon. Before we begin, I feel we owe the media following the commission an apology. When, at the beginning of the previous session, I said that we had 'asked the local authorities to provide us with a couple of ceiling fans and a supply of water', I didn't realise that there were no local authorities worthy of the name, and that the ceiling fan would be operated by a couple of small boys using foot pedals, and the water... well, let's just say that the water today comes directly from the Holy Empire, and lacks both the slightly suspicious yellow colour and radioactivity of the local water.

Anyway, you join us here today before this evening's pulsating and likely group-deciding First Round match against Equestria here in René Skaé, a city named after the glorious eponymous hero whose story I'm quite familiar with; if it were not for the pressing business of today's penultimate witness, I would spend considerably more time detailing his many inspiring accomplishments - but perhaps on another day. Instead I would like to welcome Biliki Aikiki, Senior Vice-President for Public Relations with Turoran firm Inura Extracts. Thank you for agreeing to appear in front of the commission.

Biliki Aikiki
Before we begin, I wish to make it clear for the record that Inura Extracts do no recognise that this commission has any binding legal force, and that I have agreed to represent the company today in part as a courtesy towards Sir Barsanuphius, and in part because of the excellent promotional opportunities that this commission is offering not just to Cocoa-bo, but all companies assocated with Cocoa-bo.

Sir Barsanuphius
Duly noted. Now, could you confirm that Inura Extracts enjoys a business relationship with Cocoa-bo, described by the latter company as 'a business relationship with the Inura Extracts company to provide select ingredients for a number of Cocoa-bo products, including its most popular signature line'.

Biliki Aikiki
This is correct. This is now a matter of public record following the release of Cocoa-bo External Communications Group Internal Communique AN892. Those are the precise words used in the latter communique.

Sir Barsanuphius
And is it true that in an attachment to the latter communique - which again is a matter of public record - your own company characterised said popular signature line as the 'addictive Cocoa-bo product line'.

Biliki Aikiki
That metaphor is a matter of public record, yes.

Mr Minett
Metaphor?

Biliki Aikiki
Well yes; surely no one would take that description literally?

Sir Barsanuphius
That, I believe is what we're here to find out.

Mr Minett
If I may, Sir Barsanuphius... I have in front of me a document that states that Inura Extracts claims 'to specialize in all natural plant extracts source directly from the Inura Forest region of Turori' that 'Inura Extracts may be supplying product or sourcing raw goods from the same locations as the Vilisorma Beverage Company, makers of Vilaye Energy Drink' and that 'Inura Extracts have proven the ability to provide surge raw ingredients at competitive prices'. Is this a fair characterisation of your products?

Biliki Aikiki
Incomplete, but fair.

Mr Minett
What precisely are these extracts?

Biliki Aikiki
I regret that for contractual reasons I am unable to answer that question in detail. However, I can confirm that they neither contain the 'crushed-up remnants of cocoabo feathers' as alleged by one colourful media outlet, nor for that matter the crushed-up bones and flesh of puppies?

Senator Copronymuso
You specifically deny that you engage in the mass-slaughter of innocent little puppies to produce your 'extracts'?

Biliki Aikiki
I do ma'am. No puppies are harmed in the production of Inura Extracts, or in the specific extracts supplied to Cocoa-bo.

Senator Copronymuso
You're quite sure?

Biliki Aikiki
On my word of honour, ma'am.

Senator Copronymuso
Very well then; carry on.

Sir Barsanuphius
But if you won't tell us what's in these extracts, how do you expect to prove to us that Cocoa-bo is neither performance-enhancing nor addictive, especially given your company's own use of the phrase 'addictive Cocoa-bo product line'.

Biliki Aikiki
I don't expect to prove any such thing.

Mr Minett
Pardon?

Biliki Aikiki
I am indeed counting on the lack of proof to increase curiosity for the consumption of Cocoa-bo by those watching commission proceedings, and hoping that this will lead to even greater increased sales of delicious chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo, and increased profits for all suppliers - very much including Inura Extracts.

Mr Minett
But you don't deny that it could be either addictive or performance-enhancing?

Biliki Aikiki
It suits my company to neither confirm nor deny. People will just have to find out for themselves by drinking even more delectable Cocoa-bo - which I stress has been explicitly permitted by both World Cup hosts!

Sir Barsanuphius
It's a source of some dismay that neither host has shown any interest in banning this pernicious product.

Biliki Aikiki
Not to me, it hasn't! It's been a fantastic success for us.

Senator Copronymuso
But again, you do specifically deny that you engage in the mass-slaughter of innocent little puppies to produce your 'extracts'?

Biliki Aikiki
Oh yes, that much we do very specifically deny.

Mr Minett
Sir Barsanuphius, if you'll forgive me for saying so, this particular witness has perhaps not advanced the commission's agenda?

Biliki Aikiki
And what agenda might that be, then? Dramatically increasing Cocoa-bo sales across the multiverse? Because if so, well done!

Sir Barsanuphius
No; merely finding out the truth about Cocoa-bo. But I accept your point Mr Minett, which is why I'm particularly looking forward to tomorrow night's witness.

Mr Minett
Ah, the professor...

Sir Barsanuphius
Yes, leading Holy Empire Sports Scientist Igor von Madscientisto, perhaps best known to mundies for his ground-breaking work on preserving the flesh of zombie space pirates in the tropics of Vilita - and indeed the Tropics of Vilita.

Senator Copronymuso
Zombie space pirates are cool!

Sir Barsanuphius
Indeed they are; but we have every reason to believe that the professor will be able to help us bring a final conclusion to these proceedings. We await his evidence with great interest.

by **Free Republics** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 3:38 pm

Free Republics Consul Debate for Round 2
Gem of the Oceans Stadium, Republica

An over-capacity crowd packed into Gem of the Oceans Stadium where tons of seats were added on the field to see the debate for Consul of the Free Republics. The moderator, agreed to by all sides, was Thierry Trottier of RBS, an elderly journalist known for his commitment to objective, non-partisan and neutral reporting. Trottier opened up the debate:

Introductions

Thierry Trottier - Ladies and gentlemen in the audience and the billions watching this broadcast around the multiverse, welcome to the Consul Debate for the 2nd Round. First off, let's introduce the candidates. Each candidate will get 30 seconds to introduce themselves to our audience Firstly, Mr. Tsukihiko Fukuhara of the Globalist Movement:

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - Thank you. I'm Tsukihiko Fukuhara of the Globalist Movement. I'm running for consul of the Free Republics because we need a leader who believes in diplomacy and science. I want a Free Republics that trades with the rest of the multiverse, gets along with other nations and protects the safety of our people with common-sense scientific measures.

Samuel Izmailov couldn't resist interrupting Fukuhara

Samuel Izmailov - Come on Tsukihiko-chan. Even Nova has more balls than you do!

Most of the audience laughed as the moderator tried to restore order.

Thierry Trottier - Senator Izmailov, please wait until its your turn to speak. Next, its Assemblyman Valentin Svensson of Common Good.

Valentin Svensson - Our Federation has been decaying from a lack of morals. We have rapacious capitalizts who prey upon the lower classes and we have a culture that celebrates degeneracy. Decades of governmental neutrality in the realm of morals and support for greed have led us to This Wretched Day where nearly half of our kids grow up without a mother and/or a father and the good jobs that once sustained the working class have been shipped abroad, to be replaced by service jobs that don't pay a living wage. When I am your consul, we will restore virtue, we will rebuild the family unit, we will rein in the excesses of global capitalizm and we will reorient our government toward the Good.

Thierry Trottier - Thank you Assemblyman Svensson. Next up is Assemblywoman Nova Hellstrom-Hancock of Golden Age.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Several years ago, I founded Golden Age because our political class has lost sight of any kind of vision for the future. While I admire Scarlett Nicholls as an icon of what we can achieve as women and I've known Kyle Bolton since he was a teenager, the two of them have been terrible consuls. I've had remarkable success at everything I've attempted in my life. From my career as a Sporting World journalist who produced record high levels of engagement to my career as one of the greatest female wrestlers in the history of the NRWC to my successful run as editor-in-chief of Sporting World and now my political career, I have produced results in everything I have attempted and as your consul, I will lead this nation into a Golden Age where we finally secure true equality for women by putting an end to rape, an economy that works for everybody by reining in the greedy corporations and a strong military that protects our nation from its enemies and fights for the freedom of those oppressed.

Thierry Trottier - Thank you Assemblywoman Hellstrom-Hancock. Finally, we turn to Senator Samuel Izmailov of the Party for National Greatness.

Samuel Izmailov - The Free Republics used to be great. Once, we were the envy of the multiverse. Our economy was the envy of all, we had a society that used their liberty for pro-social ends and our military spread freedom to our colonies. The reason why that soy-eating clown Tsukihiko-chan is able to stand on this debate stage is because we freed his ancestors from themselves after they attacked us for no reason at Charm Harbor. Once, we spread civilization to a multiverse filled with barbarians. Now, our fellow Republicans have to march around Farfadillis like an invading army to get to a soccer match because we've allowed to Farves or whatever it is they call themselves to live in squalor! We allow animals to run the nation of Equestria and we even let Sarzonia lock their entire nation up under house arrest so they don't catch a cold! It is time for us to stop tolerating and start liberating. It is time for us to, once again, Take Up the Republican's Burden to civilize our inferiors and train them up to govern themselves. It is also time to restore our economy to greatness by opening up markets for our corporations and by protecting our own economy from foreign saboteurs who flood our markets with cheap crap so that Safari and AllMart can make even more money. It is time for us to be Great Again.

The Economy

Thierry Trottier - Now, with the introductions out of the way, I want to discuss the format for tonight's debate. We will focus on 4 topics. These are the economy, foreign policy, social issues and the so-called "Sherpa Cold" virus. First off, let's discuss the economy. I want to direct this question at Nova Hellstrom-Hancock. Mrs. Hellstrom, how would you revive the Republican economy?

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Thank you for the question, Mr. Trottier. My economic plan focuses on two prongs. Firstly, half of our population is currently denied full inclusion in our economy. Women face rampant discrimination and sexism in our nation. Even worse, many women are forced to sleep with their boss to keep their job. As many of you may know, 20 years ago I was a highly successful journalist for Sporting World covering the National Soccer Team. Then my boss, Jasper Chuter, decided one day to threaten to fire me unless I slept with him. I chose to do so and even told him he was "The Best Boss Ever" for allowing me to keep my job. Later on, I discovered that he did this to many other women over the years. For many years, Sporting World employed women journalists just so the perverted editor could force us to sleep with him to keep our jobs! This practice remains perfectly legal under the laws of most Republics and it must change if we are to ensure the true equality needed to bring out the full potential of our workforce.

Samuel Izmailov - The question is: Did you or did you not consent to this encounter?

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Samuel, I did give consent but I feel dirty about it to this day.

Samuel Izmailov - Would you have preferred, in retrospect, to lose your job rather than sleep with him?

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - I don't know. What I do know is that no woman should ever have to make that choice!

Samuel Izmailov - Wow, look at the fire in you Nova! You truly exemplify the spirit of a Great Republican.

Valentin Svensson - I agree, Mrs. Hancock, but the problem is that we have allowed a culture of promiscuity to flourish for so long. If we made it the social norm to do the right thing and reserve sex for within a marriage between 1 man and 1 woman, til death do them part, we wouldn't have this problem!

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Mr. Svensson, I do not regret my decision to be sexually active before marriage nor do I regret my decisions to sleep with men who are not my husband while married, with his consent of course! It is my body and it should be my choice what I do with it!

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - I don't know what this has to do with the economy. To strengthen our economy, we need to -

Samuel Izmailv - Shut up, Tsukihiko-chan. Little girls like you should be seen and not heard!

Thierry Trottier - Lady and Gentlemen, we are getting a bit far away from economic policy. Mrs. Hellstrom, please resume answering the question and get this debate back on track.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Samuel, you really should be a bit nicer to Mr. Fukuhara over there.

Samuel Izmailov - I'll be nicer when she grows a pair!

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Very well. Returning to the topic of the economy, we need to help the working class in this nation. Many elderly people are unable to retire because they worked jobs that did not offer a pension plan and could not afford to save up enough money. Therefore, I propose a voluntary pension plan for all Republican workers with an opt-out and with both workers and employers paying an equal contribution into the plan which would be invested into the stock market as individual plans. Furthermore, I propose an additional employer contribution into a fund to pay pensions to older Republicans so that they may retire. My plan establishes a national retirement age of 70 and will provide lifetime pension payments to all Republicans over 70 and proportional payments to all Republicans between the ages of 20 and 70 once they reach 70 based on the number of years they've been working age without being able to put money into a voluntary market-based pension. Once the number of Republicans receiving this extra pension reaches 0 and all past debts from the program are paid off, the extra employer contribution to fund it goes away. Should there be a surplus in the program, it would be distributed equally to each Republican's market-based pension plan.

Valentin Svensson - Wouldn't this proposal remove the incentive to have children to care for you in old age?

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - I guess you could say that, Mr. Svensson, but I don't think people are considering economic factors when deciding whether to have children. Especially so if you get your way and abortion is made illegal across the Federation!

Valentin Svensson - If we are to have an economic future, it is vital that we continue growing our population. Without a growing population, the currency goes into deflation and the economy inevitably goes into a long depression. Thus, protecting the unborn child's right to life is not only the morally right thing to do but it is also the economically right thing to do!

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - I disagree with that, Mr. Svensson. By reducing the supply of labor, we increase the price of labor. That is the idea behind my proposal to allow elderly people to retire. However, I do not support a woman's right to choose for economic reasons. I support choice because my body is my body and I should not be forced to carry a child I don't want for 9 months!

Valentin Svensson - Have you had an abortion, Mrs. Hancock?

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Please stop calling me Mrs. Hancock. My name is Nova Hellstrom-Hancock. Hancock is my husband's maiden name and he's certainly not the one that wears the pants in our relationship!

Valentin Svensson - You didn't answer my question, ma'am.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Whether or not I've had an abortion is none of your business! Speaking of business, they have an extremely favorable bargaining position compared to workers. That's why I support the right of workers to form labor unions and collectively bargain for higher wages. I also support outlawing the use of arbitration clauses to force employment disputes out of actual courts of law and I favor a ban on intellectual property assignment clauses that give an employer the legal ownership of intellectual property created by workers on their own time with their own resources. These provisions are used by companies like Googol, RepublicSoft, Citrus and Safari to prevent their employees, many of whom are among the best and brightest in our federation, from starting their own companies to compete with their employer. Furthermore, I favor expanding the freedom of speech to apply to privately owned virtual public squares just as it applies to a public square in the real world. Social media platforms that wish to operate servers in the Free Republics would be required to comply with this law not just within our borders and for our citizens but for all people everywhere who use their platforms. Should they fail to do so, they would be fined severely for the first 2 offenses and would be taken over by the government upon the 3rd offense.

Valentin Svensson - I agree with most of that but I would like to amend our Constitution to prohibit obscene speech and public advocacy of immoral conduct. I believe in liberty within the confines of order aiming toward the Good. I do not believe that the so-called "liberty" to engage in destructive and/or indecent behavior is liberty at all. The most important of all liberties is the liberty to raise a family in a society that teaches kids what is right and wrong. Any "liberty" that infringes upon my right to protect the innocence of my children is not liberty at all but rather tyranny!

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - What about consenting adults of the same sex who wish to pursue their happiness with one another?

Valentin Svensson - As long as they do not impose their sinful conduct upon me by subjecting me to it in public, they can do whatever they want. If they run around holding hands and kissing each other in public, they deserve to be punished. If they make a mockery of marriage by pretending to marry one another, they should be severely punished.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - How do you propose to repeal marriage equality while Scarlett Nicholls is consul?

Valentin Svensson - Well, there's always a chance that she will wake up one day and have a Via Damascus moment.

This exchange had exposed what everybody suspected: Common Good was just the Holy Party by another name. Izmailov pounced.

Samuel Izmailov - Wait a minute, Mr. Svensson. Did you just say "Via Damascus" as in the Latin for "Road to Damascus"? What do you mean by that?

Valentin Svensson - Well, St. Paulus was originally a wicked man who persecuted the Good. Then, while he was travelling on the road to Damascus, he saw a vision of Iesus Christus and converted to the True Church.

If there was any reasonable doubt, now it was gone. Svensson was the Church of Saintland's candidate. He was the candidate of those who had led the Free Republics to defeat in the Great War and cost the nation its colonies. At this point, both of his rivals decided to leave the point alone as they wanted to pick up some of his voters in the 3rd round.

Sherpa Cold

Thierry Trottier - Seeing as we've pretty much covered both economic and social policy already, I'm going to skip the social issues section of the debate. The next question is for Mr. Fukuhara. Mr. Fukuhara, you have been critical of the Republican response to the Sherpa Cold. Why do you believe that we should have taken this virus more seriously?

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - I appreciate the opportunity to speak again. I've been sitting here for what seems like 8 hours unable to get a word in with those 3.

Samuel Izmailov - That's because you're low energy.

Thierry Trottier - Senator Izmailov, please allow Mr. Fukuhara to answer the question.

Samuel Izmailov - I'm sorry, Thierry. I'm just having fun with this soy-eating globalist beta male.

Thierry Trottier - He deserves a chance to make his case to the voters.

Samuel Izmailov - OK. I'll let him talk for a bit then as long as I get to respond.

Thierry Trottier - Knock yourself out. Once he's done answering the question, of course.

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - Well, the science on SARS-COVID-85 is clear. Staying home saves lives. Wearing masks saves lives. Social distancing saves lives. Because the current government has refused to produce large numbers of tests, we don't even have an idea how many people have died from this novel coronavirus. But we can estimate that the number is in the millions, possibly as high as 100 million Republicans.

Samuel Izmailov - You know that isn't true, you lying dog-faced pony soldier. Here in the Free Republics, we choose Truth over Facts, especially fake "facts" you just made up.

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - Actually, that estimate comes from the World Health Authority.

Samuel Izmailov - You actually believe anything those globalists at the World Assembly say? Well, I guess you would since you're a globalist.

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - I'm proud to be a globalist. Someday, I dream of replacing the World Assembly with a single World Government and withering away the nation-state forever!

Samuel Izmailov - Then why don't you go run for the Consul of the World Assembly?

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - I would but the World Assembly doesn't have a Consul, an executive branch or even a military.

Samuel Izmailov - So you want to use the Indispensable Nation to fulfill your dream of destroying nations?

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - Well, yes, I do. But right now, we need everybody to stay home. We could save countless lives if we'd just do the right thing.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Mr. Fukuhara, are you familiar with the statistics showing that the only people at any significant risk from the Sherpa Cold are people over the age of 80 who are about to die anyway and morbidly obese people?

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - So you're fine with killing grandmothers?

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - I reject the false dichotomy that fearmongers like you have conned many people into accepting. This is not a serious problem and we all just need to go about our lives as normal. Besides, we're already pretty close to herd immunity anyway.

Samuel Izmailov - Indeed, we are. My nephew Maxim, whom you might know as a National Team player, caught the Sherpa Cold towards the end of World Cup qualifying. That's why the National Team played so poorly down the stretch.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Soccer General Theriault informed me of the same thing.

Valentin Svensson - The thing that really bothers me is how many nations shut down their houses of worship over this fake virus. Some so-called "churches" even went along with it voluntarily.

Samuel Izmailov - So, I take it all 3 of us major candidates are in agreement that Tsukihiko-chan's ideas about the Sherpa Cold are complete bullshit.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Indeed, we are. The Free Republics has, to our credit, resisted the mass stupidity that some other nations have engaged in.

Valentin Svensson - I don't agree with Nicholls and Bolton on much but they've done a great job of handling the fake virus.

Foreign Policy

Thierry Trottier - Let's move on then to our final topic of this debate. This time, I will pose my question directly to Senator Izmailov. Senator Izmailov, you have called for a foreign policy of "Invade the World, Invite the World". Do you really believe this is workable or is this just campaign rhetoric?

Samuel Izmailov - I mean every single word of what I say. By choosing to "Live and Let Live" we permit people to live under tyranny and oppression. We need to liberate the multiverse and civilize the barbarians.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - What do you think about the recent statement by South Covello's president Luisa Benitez?

Samuel Izmailov - I'm familiar with her statement and with her empty threat to send me to the prison where the man she once worshipped as a God and his followers are imprisoned. I'm aware that those anarchists pretend to be a nation of laws. They are nothing of the sort as it is clearly perfectly legal to assassinate the legitimately elected president. Luisa Benitez is not the president of anything. She's an impostor. Only a supporter of the late great Carter Redwin has any legitimate right to govern that nation. While Tim Scott conceded, he is the legitimate president of South Covello and when I am your Consul, we will invade South Covello to either install Mr. Scott or, should he refuse, another willing supporter of Mr. Redwin who is willing to carry on with his program to restore South Covello to greatness as an ally of a great Free Republics.

Valentin Svensson - Senator Izmailov, I abhor the lawlessness of South Covello as much as you do and I also mourn President Redwin as a martyr but I don't think we should invade South Covello. They don't pose any threat to us and I'd rather we focus on persuading and converting people to the Good rather than going to war as a first resort.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - I happen to disagree with both of you and support Luisa Benitez as the legitimate president of South Covello. However, in terms of my philosophy, I do believe we should use our soft and hard power to spread our values. That does not mean we invade every single country in the multiverse like my friend Senator Izmailov wants to do but I am open to going to war to make the world safe for both small-r republican principles and big-R Republican values. I do agree with Mr. Svensson though that we should be open to using diplomacy first. Its not realistic for us to expect every nation in the multiverse to see eye to eye with us on everything nor is it realistic for us to invade the world. Furthermore, I don't want to invite the world to come live here. While I'm certainly not against immigration like Consul O'Reilly was, I don't think it would be good for our nation if we were overrun by foreigners.

Samuel Izmailov - Nova, we don't have to worry about being overrun by foreigners. When they come here and they learn about our way of life, they will choose to assimilate and become as Republican as you or me. By inviting them here, we can build our legions that will conquer the multiverse and establish civilization in all the ends of this and every other universe.

Tsukihiko Fukuhara - I think we should try to get along with other countries and be willing to converge toward a single nation that spans the entire multiverse.

Samuel Izmailov - Nobody cares what you think, Tsukihiko-chan!

Closing Statements

Thierry Trottier - I think it is clear, at this point, what everybody's philosophy is. Therefore, we will now conclude this debate with closing statements. Senator Izmailov, you go first.

The closing statements largely resembled their opening statements. The debate came to an end. The second round vote would be held the day after the Free Republics-Banija World Cup match. It was now up to the voters to pick which 2 candidates would move on to the third and final round or, if they decided to preference cascade behind a single candidate and push that candidate over 50%, they could select the next consul without a third round. The decision for the voters would not be easy but it would certainly be consequential...

by **Pasarga** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 4:20 pm

To say that the opening match of the Wanderers return to the Finals was a nightmare would be selling the result short and would undercut the impressive first half that the Wanderers had. However the second half performance was the thing of nightmares and the Wanderers simply lost the plot against a Republican side that was intent of bending all the rules to their advantage. To say that there was gamesmanship by the Republicans would be to say the same as that water is wet and that the sky is blue, alas that is what all teams that come up against the Republicans have to deal with and that the Wanderers were not is a sign of being ill prepared for the foes before them. Perhaps the side is too naive in thinking that they can play a clean game without much steel in the lineup and expect their opponents to do the same, but as the match with the Republicans showed, that is simply not the case and if the team continues to play that way, they will be leaving Farfadillis after only three matches played. While the heavy defeat, which actually ended up being the worst performance by any team on their first matchday, is far from ideal, the side still have its destiny in its own hands.

However the pressure is now on the side to have to get a victory over both Banija, a pre Finals favorite to win the entire World Cup, and then also pull one over on Sarzonia. This being the same Sarzonia that provided one of the many upset victories on the first matchday when they defeated Banija and basically put the rest of the group as well as the entire World Cup field on notice, that they are back and that they mean business in the Finals. For the Wanderers, there must be the fear that the Banija side will now be an awakened giant after their unexpected defeat on that first matchday and their guard will be as doubly sharp to prevent anymore slips against sides that they are clearly better than. For all the talk of skill in the top three seeds in the group, the clear superior team is Banija and that they have already suffered a defeat means that it is very unlikely that they will be bested once more. This is a side that is one of the best in the world and was the very best team during the qualifiers, yet the task ahead of the Wanderers is exactly that, defeat Banija in their own backyard or see their World Cup dreams fade before they had even truly had a chance to begin.

Perhaps in a bit of luck, because both the Republicans and Sarzonia sides won their games and now face each other in the second matchday, the Wanderers can not be eliminated even if they do lose the match, though the climb back to advancing after two defeats would be a massive one to perform. However one of the two winners, if not both in the case of an unlikely draw between the sides, will have to drop points in their top of the table clash and that affords both Banija and the Wanderers a lifeline. Despite the second half performance that will be talked about for weeks, months, perhaps even years from now, the Wanderers had a very impressive first half. The attack looked to be solid and fluid, able to build up strikes against the opponents area at will and able to retain possession when it was required of them. The defense is in shambles and everyone knows, there is real no use in harping on how bad that they played in the second half. And yet if they could improve their game but a little and find a way to limit Banija to just a single goal or two, then the attack should be able to get the job done and match the Banija attack goal for goal. That is the hope now, to bend but not break on the defense and rely on those skillful attackers. It might only give a draw, it might come up short and end the dream prematurely, but it is the plan that the side is left with after their opening game debacle.

by **Farfadillis** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 5:19 pm

The FFFF spending money it doesn't have on things it doesn't need is... well, arguably its whole schtick. I know that, Tíbürçìó knew that and most people in the room probably know it too. Most will not think twice about, say, the tacky laser green tablecloth or the caviar that was being served with, uh, fries. Or, indeed, the upbeat Faroleran music being played. A blend of rock and ska, presumably Alex's pick. Annoyingly high volume. My Faroleran is rusty, but I can just about make out «me pongo malo y estoy de atar». About as tone-deaf a song as you could pick.

It's strangely comforting to see that nothing has changed, I guess.

I look around and I realize I'm once again letting my Farfness slip: I've arrived half an hour late, a full half-hour earlier than I should have. Two years outside the country should not make me forget basic etiquette, but that's old age for you, I guess. I scan the room and I only see FFFF officials. Yeah, not even family has arrived. I could hobble up to one of them and strike up a conversation, but to be honest I can't stand a single one of them. Yeah, drinking by myself will suit me best. Let's do that.

Whiskey? No, no, let's keep it a bit lighter. Nope, not rum either. Definitely not vodka after last time. Fernet? Ok, this is one is Alex's doing for sure. Speaking of him, I hope he's not arrived uncharacteristically early... Oh, wine. That'll do.

Fancy glass. Filling fancy glass. Fancy glass filled. Gulp, gulp, gulp. Hmm. Is that Alex? Fuck, it is. There's no way I can put up with him today. Not while sober, at any rate. I eye the wine bottle.

"Faisán?" I blurt out. I can't afford to be finicky right now. I look at the glass. Way, way too small. Yeah, might as well drink from the bottle. We're all Farves here anyway... I think?

As I'm drinking down the wine as quickly as I can, I feel a tap on my shoulder. God.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite Farf center attacking midfielder from the late 60s and early 70s!" I hear him exclaim.

A huge grin, fake as always, is the first thing I see turning around. I put on a smile as well, for politeness' sake.

"Hey, Alex. Glad to see you're still making that joke, er, twenty years later?"

"And I am glad you're finally following in my footsteps and spiraling into alcoholism." He pointed towards the bottle in my hand and chuckled. "I'm surprised you've chosen the wine, though. It's the cheapest I could find."

"I should've gone for the vodka, to be honest."

"Eh, well, I did add some water to it. You know, to make ends meet. The wine was probably a good pick."

"Is that an, uh, a whiskey stain on your pants?" I lean forward slightly and squint my eyes. "No, wait, that might actually be vodka. Or maybe wine?"

"And fernet, and tequila and... Cocoa-bo. But yeah, suits are hard to come by these days, and so are balance and hand coordination, apparently."

"Having a hard time keeping balance? That must be torturing." I keep drinking from the bottle.

"Ah, yeah. You're crippled. I keep forgetting that." He stares at me blankly for a few seconds. Typical Alex, he's lost his train of thought. "But anyway, yeah, what brings you here man?"

I only really get to raise my eyebrows in shock before he arrives at the answer.

"I, uh, yeah. Right. I forgot that, sorry. Well, glad to see you're doing well. Not taking today into account, of course. Anyway, take it easy on the alcohol. I don't wanna see you wailing in a few hours!" I meet his joke with just a deflated look. He smirks regretfully, then taps me gently on the shoulder. He then says something, but I'm too caught in my own thoughts to listen. He leaves.

One bottle of wine later, I realize I've retained every bit of tolerance I had in my time as a player. I choose to follow Alex's advice - how many people have ever said that unironically? - and stick to the wine. It's gonna be a long night.

The minutes go by and, sure enough, most people begin arriving about one hour late. A couple of celebrities, which I'm sure had somehow met Tíbürçìó, a... a bunch of infamous Rulandese terrorists, if my eyes are not tricking me, and, uh, no, wait, yeah, those are definitely Rulandese terrorists. Revolutionaries and/or freedom fighters, as Tíb liked to call them. Oh, and those are Fôrté, Kósa and Xíxì. The first two are too busy talking to each other, but I can see Xíxì walking towards me.

I suppose I can afford him a bit more respect than Alex. I wave, he waves back. He stop to take two chairs. Right. I've been standing this whole time. That's not what the doctor recommended.

"Hey gaffer." He takes me by surprise. I'd spaced out. "Long time no see." Seeing a genuine smile is a welcome change.

"Hey, Xíxì." I take the seat he offers me. "How's everything going?"

"Well, not great, obviously. But besides this, things have been going well."

"That's great to hear." I arch back slightly, still getting used to the chair, and continue drinking. "I hope you're not causing the new manager too much trouble."

"Well..." He's grimacing. Of course they're causing her trouble.

"Yeah, I figured. It's a job that could drive you insane, you know. Quite literally." I point towards the casket, but Xíxì smiles awkwardly, and a few people close by look at me with disdain. I've drunk enough not too care, so whatever.

"How're you holding up, gaffer? I know you two were close."

Pfft. "I'm doing fiiiiine. It was abou-" A burp, how annoying." About time, and he kinda had it coming, if you ask me. Typical of him to annoy us by hanging on for this long." Ahh, a good old awkward silence. Is he gonna say anything? He looks downright worried. "Anyway, where's Faragó? I see most of the squad's gotten here, sans Teijeiro who is obviously gonna get here later than everyone."

He chuckles. "Still playing favorites, eh?" I shrug and smile. "Your beloved takilante had something personal pop up. He looked worried, but none of us dared press the issue."

"Ah, shit, I hope everything's alright."

"You know, he's been talking a lot about getting into management lately. When he retires, of course. He says he's studying you."

"Well, the dumbass should call me every once in a while and ask me things, then. I could give him.." Ugh, words can be difficult. "Give him advice, yeah, advice. You know, pay it forward."

"Pay it forward?"

"Yeah, he might've been a crazy motherfucker, but he knew about football, this guy. I'll give him that. There's no Ichi Tuzzio without Tíbürçìó Çötávìê."

He smiles again; he doesn't look worried anymore. I lean forward and whisper in his ear.

"You tell anyone I said that and you're a dead man, capisce?" We both laugh. I keep drinking.

by **Vilita** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 5:19 pm

Vilisorma Beverage Company Headquarters, Vilisorma, Vilita, Atlantian Oceania :: Top executives and brand strategists for the Vilisorma Beverage Company met in a conference room at the companies Vilisorma headquarters with one common purpose. To watch the ongoing Independent Cocoa-bo Commission. Of particular interest to the members in attendance was the testimony of Biliki Aikiki, the senior Vice-President for Public Relations for Inura Extracts, a Turorian firm that had recently been mentioned in the public record has having a non-defined suppliers relationship to Cocoa-bo, the Chocolately Delectables brand under fire from The Holy Empire's Sir Barsanuphius for its alleged performance enhancing qualities.

Public image was important to the Vilisorma Beverage Company. The company had been continuously ramping up production of its top-selling Vilaye Energy Drink stemming from a number of successful marketing campaigns and partnerships. Vilaye Energy Drink had been named as the Official Energy Drink of World Cup 81 in Banija and the Free Republics and soon after the Cans '4' All and Cans '4' Life sweepstakes were born. During the World Cup 82 Finals, the Vilisorma Beverage Company devised a competition whereby throughout the group stage matches of the World Cup Finals in Valanora and Apox, any fan who stopped by a Vilaye Energy Drink tasting booth at an official World Cup Finals venue or fan-zone would have the opportunity to enter the Cans for Life Contest. At the conclusion of the group stage, sixteen fans were chosen and randomly paired with one World Cup 82 Knockout Round qualified nation. If that contestant was paired with the eventual World Cup 82 Champion they would be the grand prize winner of a lifetime supply of Vilaye Energy Drink. However, as the Vilitan National Team ultimately won the World Cup, all of the finalists ultimately won the grand prize.

The Vilaye Energy Drink is the flagship brand of the Vilisorma Beverage Company (VilBev) who prides itself in using minimal artificial processing and "natural extracts". While the Vilisorma Beverage Company keeps the actual formula for its top products, including Vilaye, locked away in a vault in their Sorma based headquarters, there had been some concern about officials that the specific location and origin of some of the extracts used in the products could be revealed during the proceedings. While the company is always reluctant to reveal the true ingredients in its products to maintain competitive advantage, they had an even stronger desire to protect the source of some of the ingredients they were using in their brand new Vilaye Roast product line.

For VBC officials, there was a lot on the line. Through its many brands, the Vilisorma Beverage Company has been a major supporter of sports and athletic events throughout Atlantian Oceania and the rest of the multiverse. Vilaye energy drink has long been the title sponsor of the Vilitan League's seasonal Tropical Trophy competition, has served as a kit sponsor for teams both in the Vilitan League and even abroad and has also been heavily involved in Vilita & Turorian Motorsports. Vilaye has been a personal sponsor of famed Vilitan World Grand Prix driver R.L. Cruisin among other drivers and teams, and has also served as major sponsor on the world Stock Car circuit. Specifically, in the NSSCRA, Vilaye Energy Drink markets itself as the official series Pole Award sponsor. Additionally, the company is the title of the Vilaye Energy Drink 314 race at the Vilitan Mountain Challenge Course in Rockii Coast on the NSSCRA circuit, co-primary sponsor on the #14 Vilita and Turori Motorsports NSSCRA entry for former NSSCRA Champion River 'Shark' Suzgar II and an associate sponsor on a number of Vilita and Turori Motorsports machines.

As the commission began, the team were listening carefully to any mentions of their brand, their extracts or sourcing locations or, quite frankly, any mention that could result in a question being posed of the Vilisorma Beverage Company. The entire marketing and outreach team was on standby to address any socially charged situations that required response. As they watched the commission, what they saw gave the team a sense of security. Aikiki on the stand had the look of a seasoned professional. Acknowledging only those facts that were already public knowledge, offering no new information and refusing to react when Sir Barsanuphius or the incourrageable Mr Minett attempted to elicit an exaggerated response from the Inura Extracts representative. The only direct mention of the Vilisorma Beverage Company or any of its products was an admission that some Inura Extracts may be sourced from locations similar to those that some raw goods may be sourced at by the Vilisorma Beverage Company.

Of course, the team got working on some hypotheticals in response to the mention of their brands during the commission, but the initial assessment was that there were more than enough "may" "might" "some" and "possible" mentions that no direct link had been made to the source of raw goods supplied to the Vilisorma Beverage Company. For now, it seemed their secrets were safe. As the commission closed with talk about Zombie Space Pirates, the team passed around cans of Vilaye Roast and toasted another successful day at the office.

by **Mriin** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 6:04 pm

Some teams might find themselves needing to pull out the desperate measures already. Cutoff for Groups A-D!

by **Valanora** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 6:20 pm

"You would have thunk that Nephara have never heard of Laborious Hawk before, the way they did not seem to mark the man like the entire game, nor really put in a tackle worth its salt on him when he came into possession. Bit weird isn't it? The Marauders have this World Class, legendary midfielder slash striker that some people say is the best player to have ever played the game and the Nepharim just give him all the space in the world to work with. No real surprise then when a player like that is then the driving force for the Marauders to put one over on the Nepharim and now in the driver's seat for qualifying from the group and they are now scrambling in a must win game against the Audioslavs."

"A must win game for the both of them honestly, since the Bulls decided that they were just going to sleepwalk through the first matchday and let 95X drive all over them. Maybe they mistook the team for an actual bus route? Well, that can not be the case, what with the history that Audioslavia has with 95X, I guess it must just be one more case in the annuls of history of a team not being mentally prepared for the challenge and intensity of the Finals for that first matchday. Whatever the case might be though, it does set up nicely for the Marauders who can all but lay claim to a spot in the knockout rounds if they are able to play to form and beat out 95X tomorrow. Though it would be just like 95X to come out of nowhere and shock both of their regional rivals and be instead the ones in the drivers seat for qualification rather than the Marauders or the Bulls, or the Nephara squad who is supposed to be the first seed and best team in the group. They are a bit shifty like that."

"I have to say though, the Marauders looked like a team that was angry out on the pitch, angry at the world or maybe angry at the group that they were put in? Whatever it was, there was a fire in their eyes, not just of desire and a will to win, but one of anger and turmoil and that Nephara side was ill prepared to deal with a team that was playing that way. For all their tack of being on the edge of doing anything to win and kicking people in the shins, they were shy to go into challenges with the Marauder side that was seemingly out for blood as well. I do not think I have ever seen the defense and midfield to go into quite so many crunching tackles like they did against Nephara. Then again, last World Cup they saw two of their idols get humbles on the first two matchdays of the Finals and decided to call it quits, perhaps this was a bit of vengeance for that, not necessarily against Nephara but that they were the poor souls who got matched up against an angry and perhaps grieving Marauders side that wanted someone to pay for the loss of their heroes two years ago."

"Ah yes, the Hero Quartet that is now but a sole legendary figure trying to guide the way. I know that the players were definitely aching when Espy and Faeron announced their retirement with immediate effectiveness and left them reeling for that final group match, with the side already eliminated. They have been holding on to that hurt, both at the players and the situation itself and now two years later, I guess they got a bit of catharsis in that triumphant first match. However unless they want a repeat of the hurt that they felt from that early elimination when they had such lofty expectations on them, they will need to keep pushing that momentum all the way through the end of the group stage and then into any potential knockout they will play in. 95X already showed that they are not simply happy to be here, they are looking for their own rebirthing here in the Finals into a contender. The side can not take their old rivals for granted and put to the field what paper says should be a victory and near securement of their advancement. Both player and fan alike would be able to rest easier if they know that they did not have to have a win against an angry Audioslavia side in that final group contest."

by **Taeshan** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 6:23 pm

Taeshan 1-1 Kelssek 
Den Mytologiska Maneter, Fröndt, Farfadillis
Nkitilina 50': Demetriev 15'

I often find myself wondering if all the hype is worth it. If one day I won’t be good enough and I’ll have been a waste of a lot of good years of Taeshan soccer. If the rest of the squad is good enough, but I am just an average enough goalie. Will I ever win anything with this team? Will we ever be good enough? There are so many good teams in the world that you often wonder will we ever have a chance that so many have had? The thing is there are 180+ teams every tournament and what makes anyone think that at any point we deserve to be in the top 32, let alone the top side of all of that.

What will we ever do to get on top of that mountain? How do you reach the top of that mountain? If there are 195 other good goalkeepers in the world, where do I end up on that stack? Top 50, top 20? I’m not even in my 20’s yet but I’m not sure if I’ll ever live up to the expectations. Taeshan has twice made the quarterfinals of a World Cup, does that mean at the time they were a top 8 team in the world, or that they just got a lucky draw? Were there other times Taeshan was a top 8 team in the World and found themselves not good enough in the moment, and failed to make their impact?

I think we have a really great team here as we enter the World Cup, but the draw is a tough one. I doubt our chances, I doubt myself. Maybe we’ll have more chances, maybe I’ll have more chances but that is not certain. If this is my last chance at a World Cup am I good enough to make a run at it? Am I good enough if we reach penalties to advance past someone? Am I good enough to get out of one of the scariest groups in this World Cup? 2 World Cup winning sides, and two sides we have faced recently and beaten in one case but found wanting in another.

The days ahead are worrisome. I have a lot of doubt in our chances, but mostly in ourselves. It can be difficult to beat your own expectations, and the expectations of you. I may be the most touted Goalkeeper in Taeshan in many generations but if I don’t reach the expectations set for me what does that matter. IF I play for Taeshan 200 times and make 5 World Cups but it doesn’t amount to anything does that mean anything in the grand scheme of things. If we make anything less than history do, I matter?

Florian Wagner

by **Recuecn** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 6:58 pm

by **Mriin** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 7:00 pm

As the blinding orange of the setting Maal sun ceased blinding everyone in eyeshot of Kapytaal--an unintended side-effect the architects had failed to plan for--Vicky Lavoi stood in the center circle with a few other MNL owners, Tailtiu Brennan, Malia Yonen, and Solara Vol. Tailtiu wasn’t terribly moved but had been dragged here early; Dagan coach Stephanie Sweeney would show up some twenty minutes later for the opening ceremony. The others all stood there staring in marvel as the crowds filtered in and filled out the utterly massive stadium that they’d somehow crammed into a prime bit of downtown real estate. The echo of the growing crowd already resounding back into the darkening sky. The impossibly deep ka-chunk as the floodlights kicked on. The army of groundskeepers running around like maniacs ensuring everything was in order. The press box, way up in the rafters, still visibly overflowing with reporters from countless nations all the way from ground level.

Vicky was mentally rehearsing her talking points, glancing at the comically small ribbon-held-up-on-two-poles she’d be cutting above the kickoff spot. The Mrii National League has existed for less than twenty years. In some countries it legally wouldn’t be allowed to drink, and yet here we are. Commissioning monumental construction, hosting the multiverse’s greatest game on a scale to match. This is a monument to what can be done when we put our heads together and don’t get the horns tangled.

Jezebel Cotler and Vance Lazaar, of Hosingr and the Dæmons respectively, were chatting to each other about how Don hadn’t deigned to grace them with his presence. Still locked up in his limestone tower counting the Cocoa-bucks, probably. Was the league really better off with him still being involved?

The handoff of the armband had happened before, back in the AOCAF. A final run under Malia’s new leadership was as good an omen as any that the Reavers weren’t carried on Solara’s broad shoulders, as many had speculated in the past. But there was still something in the air as captains past and present stood there. The dawn of a new era, ushered in under brilliant light as they stood before billions turning their TV on early and cursing timezones. A satisfied silence was all they needed to share.

The time drew nearer and everyone perked up as Sweeney made her way onto the pitch, captain Sierra Mattison at her side. A confident stride quickly closed the distance--and why shouldn’t they be confident, at the surprise gift of being a first seed? After decimating all before them in qualifiers to a historic degree?--and things could get underway properly.

“Ota, you can stop!!”

Malia’s words cut through the ruckus--something she’d gotten quite good at quite quickly--and Otalia snapped her head to the goal. There was indeed a ball bouncing around behind Kelsey Morgan. She pulled away from Zack Pierce with a deep exhale; Pia had broken forward so quickly on the counter she’d kinda slipped into autopilot and ended up in a race for ground.

“You didn’t even see it go in, huh?” Malia had caught up with her.

“Bad bit of tunnel vision, yeah. Coulda been bad, I can’t afford that happening again.”

“It’s fine, you’re fine. We’ve only got twenty more to play and Tali’raia just put us up two. Won the cross and dissolved past Carson and Sutter. Keep your head and we’ve got this in the bag.”

“Right, right. Let’s get back to it then.” They shared a nod and set off back to their half. Otalia loved a good crowd reaction, but this was getting overwhelming. Was it going to be like this every game at Bournemouth?

Fast forward a few minutes, and she found herself slotting the fourth in off a free kick. Maybe she could get used to the rapturous explosions. Maybe.

by **Eura** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 7:03 pm

emplor.eur/main/sport/football
THE GLOBAL LEAGUE - PART FOUR
An Emplor series comparing different countries - if they could only field players from Euraleague
Report by our chief clickbaity listicle correspondent Jedrick Toddle

Welcome back to The Global League - Part Four! We're building national teams from Euraleague squads to face off against each other in a special one off simulation. As a reminder, here are the rules we are playing by:

- Each team must have a full lineup of 11 players, including one goalkeeper. Shock horror.
- All players must currently play in "Euraleague", ie. the top three tiers of Euran football (Gold League, Silver League, Bronze League).
- Inactive players do not count, so that means no Keith Rowland for Nephara for example.
- If a country has an overwhelming amount of good players in Eura, we may create a "B" team, or include honourable mentions.
- Teams don't have to stick to a consistent formation - for example some teams might have two forwards, some three.

Before we review the next team we’ve put together, we have an update from Mr Nobblegoose (The Third) at our partners Wankleton Industries. He’s sounding pretty positive about the magnificent computing machine he will use to conduct our simulated Global League:

"…oh yeah, this thing can do anything. Watch. See that? Look at the quality of the video! What do you mean what is it? Oh. So, see look there, it’s a baby monkey, but it’s like, riding on a pig! Adorable. Here let me show you some more-"

Fascinating Mr Nobblegoose, truly! Last time we took a look at Brenecia, the best Esportiva has to offer. In this edition, we’re back in Rushmore...

TEAM #4:

PASARGA
Formation: 5-4-1
Captain: Jurgen Eisenhower

Pasarga is one of the best represented teams in Euran football, with a range of Pasargan talent plying their trade on these shores over a period stretching back many years. Big Pasargan names tend to be attracted to Eura, from Mor to Eisenhower, Bader to Jager, and usually play here long after their international retirement. There’s also a lot of lesser known but nevertheless talented Pasargans in Eura who have been signed up as youngsters - a popular route of getting fresh youth talent for Euran clubs is to sign up Pasargans at 16 when they can be signed for free. As was the case with Brenecia, you could easily assemble most of a Pasargan first team with the squad here, though Euran football’s dominance of hosting Pasargan internationals isn’t quite as complete as it is with the Brenecians. Here’s the best eleven we could put together from those active in Euraleague:

Gianni Pisani – GK – 25 – Carsby – There’s not many Pasargan goalkeepers in Euraleague these days, and none of those around come close to the talent of Takacz Endre, who spent the sunset years of his career at Directus. Pisani is the best of those available now. He’s not in the current national team picture but could be one day thanks to his relatively young age and potential for growth. He probably needs to be at a better club than Carsby though, who are shipping goals for fun through no fault of his own.

Dirk Freitag – RB – 29 – Falourr - Freitag is one of a couple of players here who now fall under the category of “ex-Pasargan international”, having been dropped for probably the last time. He’s also the first here to be a “signed at 16” Pasargan, joining Falourr at that age for free. He started off slowly but in the thirteen years since Freitag has become a staple of the Falourr team and remains their first choice right back. His crowning achievement was being part of the famous Gold League winning side, and winning the Copa Rushmori with his country.

Ralf Bader – CB – 28 – Directus – The first of three Directus defenders in the team. When he signed for Directus seven years ago for £14m there was a lot of question marks about Bader’s ability in the Euran press, even the Directus Post. Since then he’s proven the doubters wrong and established himself as one of Gold League’s best centrebacks, won the Copa Rushmori, and the league multiple times with Directus. Surprisingly he’s currently dropped from the Pasargan national team, but he’s still young enough to regain his form at that level.

Laborc Szollossy – CB – 23 – Spartangrad – Signed at 16 with Tabor Csikos, Szollossy has just edged out his teammate after making his mark as a reliable backup to Mark Unterhausen and Harvey Blake. He’s likely to succeed one of them for the starter spot in the near future.

Lazar Meier – CB – 24 – Directus – Bader’s partner at Directus with Alan Moore of Electrum now taking more of a backseat role. Meier is a more physical player and less of a ball playing centreback than Bader, however his discipline is second to none and he is remarkably fit. One to watch in Gold League in coming seasons.

Deli Acs – LWB – 23 – Directus – Undoubtedly the surprise package of Pasarga’s national team in the last couple of years, Acs was a hot prospect signing by Directus at 17, brought in from Apox’s Centre for Excellence for a £1m payoff. He succeeded Gabriel Harper as a starter at Directus quickly, and has become a highly capable wing back in the mould of Mickey Smith and former Directus left back Claus Rijsbergen. Remarkably he is now captain of the real Pasargan team, a huge achievement for a player of his age.

Jan Gersten – RW – 25 – Bastion – There’s been many talented Pasargan wingers in Euran football, especially in recent years. Gersten is currently top of the pile. His electric pace, magical dribbling skills and aggressive attacking style make him a perfect fit for a team with the swagger of Bastion, and a key asset for Pasarga’s national team. He is arguably their best midfielder at this moment in time.

Mario Szolosi – CAM – 20 – Ulsa – Szolosi is a surprise inclusion given that a season ago Ulsa were reportedly offering him around smaller Gold League clubs for a few million. In the last year he’s been given the opportunity to make an impression in the Ulsa team after opting to sign a new contract, and has proven himself to be a serious talent. He’s not quite a national team starter yet in the real world, but he definitely makes it in to our eleven.

Jurgen Eisenhower – CM – 30 – Revolutionaries – Eisenhower is the only one of the midfield who isn’t an active national teamer. When he was, he was the heir to Mor, and he remains at the top of his game at the domestic level. An intelligent, thoughtful player despite his external shell of bravado, Eisenhower’s experience and class make him the natural captain for this Pasargan Euraleague team.

Rene Hahn – LW – 25 – Ulsa – A similar player to Gersten who spent much time in the shadow of Dominik Krause. Now Hahn is getting his own place in the limelight, starting regularly at Ulsa ahead of his older compatriot. His deliveries into the box are exquisite – only his finishing leaves something to be desired. He’s just about ahead of Nagy of Spartangrad.

Alexander Jager – AM/ST – 26 – Revolutionaries – A rare case of the best genuinely being saved to last. Signed by Revolutionaries for £19m at just 20 from Dwile Warriors, Jager is the once in a generation player Pasarga always seem to have lying around to drag them through tournaments when all is lost; a dominant centreforward with no weakness other than maybe his own ego now and again. Jager might feel time is running out to add more international silverware to his locker aside from his Copa Rushmori titles. At club level at least it’s reasonable to think the best is yet to come from this titan of Pasargan football.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

Libano Menendez Herrera – CB – 26 – Holdenberg
Jorg Fischer – CM – 31 – Hornchurch
Alan Markovic – CDM – 25 – Hornchurch
Ildiko Kalman - RW – 20 - Lajuno
Antonio Bozic – CDM – 25 – Lajuno
Luka Laczko – GK – 20 – Oakstone
Milan Grubisic – CM – 25 – Oakstone
Fulco Salas – RB – 19 – Revolutionaries
Mihaly Bernat – ST – 20 – Revolutionaries
Tabor Csikos – CB/RB – 23 – Spartangrad
Boriska Nagy – LW/ST – 20 – Spartangrad
Dominik Krause – LW – 34 – Ulsa
Christos van Rossen – CM – 25 – Usmer
Tardos Gulyas – ST – 24 – Usmer
Timur Salai – ST – 25 – Unioneers

Pasarga have many honourable mentions to fit in like our previous teams Nephara and Brenecia. The best among them are Ildiko Kalman, a current national teamer who can’t get into this team due to the presence of Gersten, the exciting Spartangrad prospect Boriska Nagy, their defender Tabor Csikos, and Ulsa’s former Pasargan international Dominik Krause. However there are plenty of other quality players in here, Libano Menendez Herrera and Miahly Bernat, who could yet develop into top tier players.

by **Farfadillis** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 7:22 pm

Cut-off!

Song.

by **Sarzonia** » Wed Jun 24, 2020 7:58 pm

To a player, the Sarzonian national football team dismissed talk of revenge when they considered their Matchday Two opponent Pasarga.

Sure, everyone on the roster was part of the Cinderella Stars that fell two victories short of earning a major trophy in their first World Cup qualifying campaign after 27 cycles away from international competition. So, everyone clearly remembered the one-goal defeat against The Wanderers that relegated them to a bronze medal.

However, the Sarzonians had far more important considerations on their minds. Strictly from a football standpoint, Sarzonia's stunning victory over Banija meant that Kevin Connelly's squad were already playing with house money. Most experts realistically expected the Stars to already be playing for pride against Free Republics in their group stage finale.

However, after the Stars battled back from deficits twice to earn a 2-2 draw against the Wanderers, the Stars were suddenly leading the Group C table with four points from two matches. World No. 4 Banija and Sarzonia's next opponents Free Republics were level with a victory and a defeat apiece.

The draw leaves Pasarga lagging behind at one point as the Wanderers didn't have an answer for goals from Clayton Wilson and Holly Cambrio even though Alexander Jager again gave Pasarga a 1-0 lead in the 28th minute of play after Stars goalkeeper Carlton Sandt punched a cross intended for Júlia Müller toward Jager instead of an out of position
Tommy Beningnati. Much like his bold long range bid during the Cup of Harmony semifinal, Jager didn't miss.

Unlike that match, Sarzonia responded to adversity by pressing the counterattack. Brady Reynolds drew a crowd of defenders with a deft run into the Pasarga end and surprised many in the stadium, including Connelly, with a pass to Wilson instead of the expected recipient Jake Campos. Wilson lofted the ball over the outstretched glove of Wanderers keeper Ambrus Galambos and into the net, drawing the score level in the 38th minute.

With two of the three minutes of first half stoppage time in the books, striker Petar Galić fired an off balance shot after shaking defender Matt Taylor in the apparent hopes of catching Sandt in a too aggressive move off his line. His own aggression paid dividends and sent the Wanderers into the home dressing room with a 2-1 lead over the plucky Stars.

Sarzonia needed to regroup and they did so by sending on Cambrio in favour of Taylor. Even though she effectively played a second offensive midfield in a 3-5-2 lineup instead of Sarzonia's traditional 4-4-2, she was still a forward and she showed why in the 66th minute as she found herself with the ball at her off left boot after Reynolds fired a shot that just caromed off the goalpost. Her goal off her non-dominant boot again drew the underdog Stars level with a Wanderers side that may be a shadow of their formidable past, but were still not a team to be taken lightly.

Following the Cambrio strike, Sarzonia began to press forward with Mek'hi West stepping onto the pitch to spell Russ Howard. Travis D'Agostino spelled Ernie Mabree to help out as a defender with only two actual defenders still on the pitch. It was a daring move by Connelly and an attempt to secure the full three points, but in spite of intense pressure against Galambos, he and the Wanderers held off the determined Sarzonians.

The final result meant that Sarzonia now could book themselves into the Round of 16 with a draw in the group stage finale against Free Republics, but the football drama will almost certainly be undermined by the geopolitical tensions between Republicana and Woodstock. Woodstock Mayor Claudia Alta announced that the last Free Republics citizens in Woodstock were being escorted to the Woodstock International Jetport and being sent to Farfadillis for them to be returned to Free Republics. Meanwhile, the Gray House announced they were expelling the Free Republics ambassador to Sarzonia, along with embassy and consular staff.

*********************************

Scene: Aboard the ISS Antietam.

Commander Barkley ascended the steps leading from the starboard side of the Antietam's hull as he climbed out of the cutter sent by the battleship to his command. Captain Brett Graves was there.

"Permission to come aboard, sir?" Barkley said, giving a salute to the Antietam's commanding officer. He was struck by the stony expression on Graves's face. In times past, the two men were cordial, if not outright friendly. In a less tense moment, he might have joked with Graves about getting up on the wrong side of the bed or asked how his husband was doing.

"You're already aboard, Commander. This way." Graves didn't wait for an acknowledgment and walked down to the stairway leading to the conference room. Even though Barkley wasn't best friends with Graves, he knew the commanding officer of the Antietam well enough to not try a joke. Finally, the two men got to the conference room where Gardiner was waiting.

"Admiral, Commander Barkley," Graves said after a brief salute. She nodded at Graves, who promptly exited and went back to the bridge. Admiral Gardiner looked up at Commander Barkley.

"Commander," she began, "what are your orders when it comes the payload you're carrying?"

"My orders are to only launch upon an order from SVP Newman and only after consulting with my XO and my chief tactical officer," he said. Gardiner nodded, taking care not to betray anything remotely resembling her thoughts on this escalating crisis. She looked back up at Barkley.

"And your understanding of potential orders from SVP Newman, Commander?" Barkley gave the admiral a look of confusion for a moment until it dawned on him that she wanted to ensure that they were on the same page.

"Any such orders from SVP Newman would only be the result of unanimous agreement by President Haffner, Lieutenant President Patrick, and SVP Newman." Gardiner stood up, looked Barkley in the eyes, then finally cracked a wan smile.

"Good," she said. "Then you and I are in alignment with what we want to accomplish," she said.

"I don't follow, sir," Barkley said.

"Devin," she said, "I wanted to ensure that we didn't have a trigger-happy commanding officer of a boat that could end life as we know it. I can speak for everyone in this task force when I say none of us want to be out here. I've got grandchildren back home I want to see. I think you want to watch some game that you're missing right now."

"Admiral, permission to speak candidly?" Gardiner raised an eyebrow for a brief moment, then said, "granted."

"Admiral," he said, fighting the temptation to address her by her first name Gladys, "we have the three-headed monster procedure in place. "Commanders Lewis and Munoz would both have to agree to launch a nuclear attack, and then only when we have strong enough Intel to determine that we're already at war."

After a few housekeeping matters, Barkley was headed back to his boat, but not before he heard cheering in the cabin near the steps back toward his waiting cutter. He caught an excited lieutenant junior grade emerging from the cabin and heard the din.

"Lieutenant, what's going on?"

"We just beat Banija 3-2!"

Barkley smiled ever so slightly, realising that he couldn't afford to exult the way he might otherwise have. It was a bright spot in a day fraught with tension, and it would make his trip back to the Furious just a little more enjoyable.

by **Free Republics** » Thu Jun 25, 2020 5:23 am

The Republicans had been defeated against Banija but their focus had been on beating Sarzonia regardless. They had hoped to keep it closer than a 2 goal defeat though. Now, they were even on goal difference with Banija and behind in head to head points which meant that Banija and Sarzonia would advance if there were 2 draws on the final matchday. However, the Republicans could still advance with a draw against Sarzonia and a Pasarga win over Banija by less than a 5 goal margin. The easiest way to qualify, though, was by beating Sarzonia.

Speaking of Sarzonia, they had just deported all Republican nationals to Farfadillis and expelled the ambassador. Soccer General Rule Theriault welcomed the Republican nationals upon their arrival and secured tickets and/or sideline passes for them to the match against Sarzonia. The Republican National Team would once again march through the forest to La Gran Avenida with their fans singing patriotic songs the entire way there. Thanks to Theriault's pull, the Republicans expelled from Sarzonia would receive the best seats in the stadium.

Hours earlier, the results of the 2nd round of the election had come out. Nova Hellstrom-Hancock had finished first with 33.4% of the vote followed by Samuel Izmailov at 30.2%. Valentin Svensson finished at 27.0%. Tsukihiko Fukuhara received 9.4%. This meant that the final round would be Nova Hellstrom-Hancock versus Samuel Izmailov. Both of them had connections to the Republican National Soccer Team. Hellstrom-Hancock had reported on the team for years, had married a former National Team player (Kieran Hancock) and it was an open secret that she was a former lover of Soccer General Rule Theriault. Meanwhile, Izmailov was a longtime friend of Theriault's and the uncle of current National Team player Maxim Izmailov.

Those had been exactly the results Theriault had hoped for. With Kyle Bolton leaving his position as consul, there had been the possibility of a consul hostile to the National Team stripping Theriault's "Soccer General" title or, worse, taking away the governmental support that allowed Theriault to pay national team players sufficient amounts to keep them out of club soccer. Theriault had been planning to launch a league of his own for a while consisting entirely of National Team players and youth prospects but logistical issues kept delaying the start of the league which meant the National Team had to be content with playing friendlies against Republican club teams to stay in match shape.

In the consul's mansion, Scarlett Nicholls was frustrated but not surprised that there was no Fukuhara surge. She was thrilled that Svensson had been eliminated. She hated the man and everything he stood for. When she had run for consul 4 years prior, she had run to bring about a new era where the Free Republics put its past of electing authoritarian demagogues who ignored the Constitution behind them and moved forward towards a glorious future of equality and expanded personal liberty. Instead, she was overseeing an economic calamity she hadn't expected and did not understand with a drunken moron for a senior consul and with her father/predecessor too busy running the family business to help her out of this crisis. She decided to give Nova Hellstrom-Hancock a call.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Hello, Scarlett.

Scarlett Nicholls - Hello, Nova. First off, I'm aware that we haven't exactly had the friendliest of relationships since you've been in the Assembly but I just want you to know that I'm pulling for you in the third round and will be voting for you.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Thanks, I guess.

Scarlett Nicholls - How about we put our past differences to the side and work together for the good of our Federation?

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - That's fine with me but whatever you do, please don't endorse me in public! That'd just hand the election to Izmailov.

Scarlett Nicholls - I know. My approval ratings are awful. They were awful even before I finally did what I'd wanted to do for years and kicked Kyle's drunken ass on national TV.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - I honestly don't blame you for that, girl. I've known Kyle and Lucia for years and there are many times where I've wanted to beat the shit out of him for how he acts. I can't believe how blatantly he cheats on her!

Scarlett Nicholls - You're one to talk with the way you treat your husband.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - The difference there is that Kieran likes it and consents to it. Lucia doesn't but she loves Kyle too much to leave him.

Scarlett Nicholls - I guess its fine if your man is fine with how you act. The important thing is that we're so close to having 2 women as consuls for the first time in our history. Please don't fuck this up, girl.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - I won't.

Scarlett Nicholls - That's exactly what I wanted to hear. If you need any additional campaign funds, feel free to call up my Dad. Nicholls Enterprises will make sure you get whatever money you need.

Nova Hellstrom-Hancock - Thank you.

Next, Scarlett started working on a diplomatic letter to the government of Sarzonia.

To: President Grant Haffner, Sarzonia
CC: Mayor Claudia Alta, Woodstock
From: Consul Scarlett Nicholls, Free Republics
Subject: Your Recent Actions
Encryption: Military grade

Dear President Haffner,

I have just been informed of your recent actions to deport all Republican nationals in your country to Farfadillis and expel Ambassador Tia Barlow from Woodstock. I'm disappointed in these actions which are a dangerous escalation of the tensions between our nations. I understand that you find Senator Izmailov's campaign rhetoric disturbing. I share that view and hope that I will not have to work with him.

I can assure you that I do not support his plan to "Invade the World" in general or his plan to invade your nation more specifically. While I cannot guarantee that he would not illegally usurp power should he be elected consul, as Caleb O'Reilly did about a decade ago, I can guarantee that I would do everything in my power to veto his belligerent acts and, should he commit an impeachable offense, I would be the first to call for his impeachment and removal from office. I hope however that he does not win the election and I am confident that he will not.

My military intelligence has reported a number of suspicious Sarzonian naval ships have been moving towards Republican territory. I ask that you refrain from doing anything reckless as I would prefer that our 2 nations not go to war but if it came to that I believe in the ability of our military to win a war. I would just prefer not to fight a war. I am concerned that your reactions to Izmailov's provocations have been counter-productive and have only strengthened his candidacy and undermined my efforts to use all tools at my disposal to defeat him. I believe there is a real possibility that I may even be removed from office should Izmailov win and obtain the ability to declassify all the documents about the actions the executive branch has taken to stop him.

Sincerely,

Scarlett Nicholls, Junior Consul, Federation of Free Republics

Scarlett sent her message to the Sarzonian government, hoping they would stop acting so recklessly in response to the statements of somebody who wasn't the leader of her country. Afterwards, she had meetings with the directors of the Federation Investigation Bureau (FIB) and Republican Intelligence Agency (RIA) to discuss classified information including her plans for an "insurance policy" to undermine Izmailov should he win the election. Scarlett had bet everything on defeating Izmailov because, if he won, everything the Nicholls family had spent their many years in power working towards would go up in smoke and things would be even worse than they were under Reino Kulseth...

by **HUElavia** » Thu Jun 25, 2020 5:45 am

HUElavia Fall in Late-Goal Vengeance by Zwangzug!

HUElavia 0-1 Zwangzug
(Blum 90+2')

HUElavia came into Matchday 2 of the World Cup looking to improve their standing after their 0-0 draw with co-hosts and reigning champions Farfadillis in the Opening Match. This goalless draw had HUElavians a little disappointed that the high-scoring offense could not get off, but satisfied that the defense was in tune and had kept a clean sheet to start the tournament. The team wore their Home Alternative Uniform, with all the best XI players starting, with the exception of Toni, who was injured in the last match and Smirnov started in his place. The match was held once again in La Fantás (70,000) in Ferdullaele.

The match kicked off, and once again HUElavia found themselves struggling to get a good shot. Zwangzug decided to play the match fairly defensively and they would snuff out chances from HUElavian attacks. Gallego struggled to get long passes by the midfield and defense through excellent blocks and defense by Arokiaraj and Cherenkov-Nguyen. There would be times where crosses by Ramirez and Rossi would reach the heads of Cristiano or Navarro, but those would be either go narrowly wide or Daunten would make what would seem like easy saves. After a goalless first half, HUElavia began to attack more and more, trying to figure out a way to open up the Zwangzugian defense. As the game progressed, substitutions were made to open up the attack, including playing with 4 forwards as Gallego went off for Moutinho to come in, and Rossi went off for Conti to come in. Time passed on and on, and the crowd as a whole grew restless, as it began to dawn on the fans and the teams that a goalless draw was possibly going to happen. As an additional time of 3 minutes came up, HUElavia really began to put pressure on the Zwangzugian defense, looking to score a goal. Unfortunately, all but one defender was pressing up as a corner went out and left substitute Blum open while Hierro was running as fast as he could to chase him. Blum went one-on-one with Lobato, as he nutmegged the goalie and slid the ball into the goal to make it 0-1 in the 90+2nd minute. Blum was mobbed by his teammates and bench while the Zwangzugian crowd went crazy. Both the HUElavian team and fans were left stunned as they conceded the late goal, seeing how Zwangzug was getting revenge for the late-winner by Navarro four years prior in Cassadaigua. After a few seconds into kickoff, HUElavia tried to get an attack going, but it was too late as the referee ended the match at 0-1.

With the defeat, HUElavia are still in 3rd Place with 1 Point, after Farfadillis' debacle against Turori that ended in a 0-3 loss for them. Turori has clinched a spot in the Round-of-16 with that victory, while Zwangzug is in 2nd Place with 3 Points. Los Amarillos are in 3rd Place by virtue of have a -1 Goal Difference compared to the Farves' -3 Goal Difference. The next match for Los Amarillos will be against Turori, which will be a win-or-go-home match. Toni is expected to return to the starting XI as the team will play in their Away Uniform for the match. It is expected to see the stadium at 50-50 between HUElavia and Turori fans in a big matchup. Fans are hoping and praying for HUElavia to get an upset victory and keep their World Cup dreams alive. Regardless of what happens, the fans and the country will love and support the team.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

by **Terre Septentrionale** » Thu Jun 25, 2020 2:55 pm

Terre Septentrionale draws with Eura!

Vidial, Mriin - Terre Septentrionale and Eura played for the 3rd time in this World Cup cycle. The Nordiques seems unable to score against Eura who won the first two games 3-1 and 2-0. This time, the game wan't played in Terre Septentrionale nor in Eura, it was played on a neutral ground in Mriin but many fans from both teams were attending. The Reprezentacja Nordycki finally find a way to score and scored 3 goals, but the Euran powerhouse also scored 3, which resulted in a draw. Let's not mention Eura's goals because, yes in Terre Septentrionale we like to censor opposite teams' goals. Terre Septentrionale scored only once in the first half, at the 26th minute when Élisabeth Normandin passed to Wlodzimierz Waclawczyk who dribbled with the ball and made a cross to Sandrine Fontaine who shoots and she scores!

The Northmen scored at the 51st minute when Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz made a long pass to Sandie McCracken who dribbled and faked to shoot but she made a short pass to Roksana Kolodziejczyk who kicked the ball and it's a goal! the score was 3-2 Eura when Terre Septentrionale attacked at the 87th minute when Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz passed the ball to Krzysztof Pajaczkowski, who subbed in for Waclawczyk at the 74th minute. Pajaczkowski, made a header pass to Fryderyka Cwierczakiewiczowa who heads the ball but Kevin Belgrave touches it and deflects it all over the net. It's a corner kick for the Nordiques. Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz takes the kick, he kicks the ball in the penalty area. Harvey Blake jumps higher than anyone and clears the ball. Zdzislaw Brzezanczyk intercepts the ball and dribbles with it and shoot from 35 meters and the ball is in! Terre Septentrionale tied the game at 3-3 and this is the final score!

TERRE SEPTENTRIONALE ONLY BOXSCORE

26th minute: Sandrine Fontaine assisted by Wlodzimierz Waclawczyk
51st minute: Roksana Kolodziejczyk assisted by Sandie McCracken
87th minute: Zdzislaw Brzezanczyk (unassisted)

BOTH TEAMS YELLOW CARDS

11th minute: Frank Bevan
29th minute: Yannick Ksiezniakiewicz
41st minute: Zdzislaw Brzezanczyk
74th minute: Stanley Burns
77th minute: Sandie McCracken

BOTH TEAMS RED CARDS

None

It's still possible

It's still possible for Terre Septentrionale to qualify for the round of 16, but they absolutely have to beat Siovanija and Teusland, preferrably by a large margin on the final matchday. There's 9 possible scenarios, let's explain them:

Scenario A:

Terre Septentrionale beat Siovanija and Teusland; Eura beat Baker Park: The Reprezentacja Nordycki, with 4 points, qualifies under this scenario. Eura also qualifies with 7 points.

Scenario B:

Terre Septentrionale beat Siovanija and Teusland; Eura and Baker Park draws: Eura qualifies with 5 points. There's a tie in the standings between Terre Septentrionale and Baker Park. To qualify on goal difference, the Northmen needs to win by 4 goals or more against S&T. Honestly, Baker Park has more chance to qualify under this scenario.

Scenario C:

Terre Septentrionale beat Siovanija and Teusland; Baker Park beat Eura: Baker Park qualifies with 6 points. There's a tie in the standings between Terre Septentrionale and Eura. To qualify on goal difference, Terre Septentrionale needs to win by 3 goals or more and Eura needs to lose by 3 goals or more. Terre Septentrionale can also win by 4 goals with Eura losing by 2 goals, or the Nordiques winning by 2 goals with Eura losing by 4 goals. I think you got the point. Honestly, Eura has more chance to qualify under this scenario.

Scenario D:

Terre Septentrionale draws with Siovanija and Teusland; Eura beats Baker Park: Eura qualifies with 7 points and Siovanija and Teusland qualifies with 4 points.

Scenario E:

Terre Septentrionale draws with Siovanija and Teusland; Eura draws with Baker Park: The standings stay unchanged with everyone having one more point than actually. Eura qualifies with 5 points. There's a tie in 2nd place between Baker Park and S&T but Baker Park qualifies with a better goal difference.

Scenario F:

Terre Septentrionale draws with Siovanija and Teusland; Baker Park beat Eura: Baker Park qualifies with 6 points and there's a tie in 2nd place between Eura and Siovanija and Teusland. It's actually a scenario similar to scenario C with S&T instead of the Northmen and Eura has a better chance to qualify on goal difference.

Scenario G:

Terre Septentrionale loses to Siovanija and Teusland; Eura beat Baker Park: Eura with 7 points and Siovanija and Teusland with 6 points qualifies.

Scenario H:

Terre Septentrionale loses to Siovanija and Teusland; Eura draws with Baker Park: Siovanija and Teusland with 6 and Eura with 5 are the two teams who would qualify.

Scenario I:

Terre Septentrionale loses to Siovanija and Teusland; Baker Park beats Eura: There's a tie in 1st place between Siovanija and Teusland and Baker Park and both would qualify.

To summarize, Eura qualifies for the round of 16 under 8 of 9 scenarios. Baker Park, under 5 and Siovanija and Teusland, under 4. Terre Septentrionale only qualifies under scenario A, but they still could in scenarios B and C only with a better goal difference than their rivals, which seems unlikely. The scenario that is most likely to happen, I would say, is scenario H. In this scenario, Siovanija and Teusland and Eura both qualifies.

For the final group game against Siovanija and Teusland, Terre Septentrionale will use their standard starting XI. Przemyslaw Tkocz's wife Zuzanna has been rushed to the hospital to give birth to a baby girl and he's actually boarding a plane to go back to Terre Septentrionale to be with his wife. That means Tkocz will be unable to sit on the bench and sub in at some point in the game.

Wlodzimierz Pietruszewski,
Senior writer,
La tribune septentrionale

by **Audioslavia** » Thu Jun 25, 2020 5:32 pm

Click the image to watch the video

Script

The Audioslavian Curse was a phrase bandied about the World Cup between cycles 34 and 37. The team it was named after had retired from international football after World Cup 29. Audioslavia were primarily famous for reaching four World Cup finals and losing them all.

The rules of the curse are simple: Finishing second in a World Cup precludes your team from ever being able to win it again.

The theory came from the nation of Az-cz Towards the end of World Cup 34, after being knocked out in the quarter finals, they write the following.

“Wnk-Wnk calls the curse "The Audoslavian legacy". He says that the famous nation of Audioslavia who lost four championship matches has started a curse that dooms second place finishers… With them around as a magnet they protected some teams, but now that they are gone all the second place finishers are truly cursed.”
:- Ac-cz 2007-MAY-13, World Cup 34 RP thread

“With Audioslavia around as a magnet, some teams were protected”. It’s an interesting theory. With Audioslavia gone, the curse would be free to spread like a virus. Jeruselem were certainly invested, hoping to meet Az-cz in the final to break the hoodoo.

“We hope the Az-cz team do well in this cup and hopefully, we might meet in the final to break that curse that goes around.”
:- Jeruselem 2007-MAY-25, World Cup 35 RP thread

The ‘curse’ would become something of an obsession for Az-cz, whose journalists wrote about it at length during every World Cup.

“Sooner or later [Jeruselem] will break through the barrier Audioslavian curse or no.”
:- Ac-cz 2007-MAY-28, World Cup 35 RP thread

“My early guess at the final eight extends the Audioslavian curse for a lot of us:”
Az-cz 2007-JUL-22, World Cup 36 RP thread

“[Valanora are] running away from a group that is one of the toughest top to bottom. And unlike us, Milchama and Jeruselem, they're unfettered by the Audioslavian curse.”
:- Az-cz 2007-JUL-28, World Cup 36 RP thread

“Milchama seems due for some more punishment from the Audioslavian curse”
:- Ac-cz 2007-SEP-4, World Cup 37 RP thread

This obsession with the Audioslavian curse ended after the World Cup 37 final, in which they triumphed 3-1 over Demot. As far as we can tell, Az-cz never typed the word ‘curse’ again.

I wonder what kind of magical force diverted the curse away from Az-cz long enough for them to sneak their way to the world championship?

So let’s get this straight. The Audioslavian Curse affected Audioslavia between their debut cycle and World Cup 29. When they retired, the curse bounced around the Multiverse, with Az-cz particularly paranoid about having been affected. Audioslavia’s brief comeback for World Cup 37 distracted the curse just long enough for Az-cz to win the World Cup. From what we can tell, that brief comeback took the curse out of the system, and it was never mentioned again until cycle 58.

Playing in a one-off tournament called the ‘Legends Cup’, the Astograth national team ditched their traditional olive green in favour of the claret and green stripes of the Audioslavian Bulls - specifically the kit worn for the World Cup 20 defeat to Vilita, the third of Audioslavia’s four lost finals. Astograth’s match report from a defeat to Vilita is homage to one posted by Audioslavia in World Cup 20… *and* World Cup 19.

In wearing the famous claret and green, Astograth tempted fate. They summoned the curse, and with it came Audioslavia. Here he is shortly before his return, calling me ‘Astrograth’ and giving me some information about South American football. It’s an oddly formal message. Audioslavia had been away for a long time.

The Bull returned to the ring with a chip on its shoulder. A desire to prove that the curse had been lifted. They enjoyed success in minor tournaments, but failed to qualify for any of the first four World Cups they entered.

Then came cycle 63. An Audioslavia side ranked 53rd in the world qualified for the World Cup and battled their way through to the final. Against five-time champions Starblaydia, Audioslavia won out two-nil, their final goal coming late in the game, a fierce shot from close range blasted past the goalkeeper, powered by raw catharsis.

After having removed the curse from Ac-zc 25 cycles previously, they had now finally shaken it off. But what then? Curses don’t just disappear. They need a host. Over the course of The Bulls’ run, it had found a new home.

Polar Islandstates had long been established in the upper echelons of world football, habitually reaching the latter stages of the World Cup in the late 50s and early 60s. Their team had a disproportionate amount of household names, from Kohev Kungas-Vaga to Alexander Van Sorensen to the inimitable Timo Skye. Match reports coming from Polarian newswires were often a little different, and frequently entertaining. We think the curse passed from the Bulls to the Terns during one of the three games the two sides played against each other in cycle 63. Polar Islandstates had beaten Audioslavia in two entertaining qualifying fixtures and had gone into their quarter-final meeting full of confidence, heavy favourites for the tie. Audioslavia mugged them. If ever the curse left the soul of Audioslavian football it was that day.

Polar Islandstates watched on as Audioslavia took back-to-back victories in World Cups 63 and 64, likely unknowing that they were carrying the Audioslavians’ curse. With Polar Islandstates’ golden generation still in their prime, they battled their own way to the final of World Cup 65.

There, they vowed to make the most of their opportunity. Saying as much in this roleplay which… kind of looks like the Navy Seal copypasta.

The Terns, though, were carrying the Audioslavian curse.

Undeterred, Polar Islandstates qualified for World Cup 66 and fought their way through to the final once more, this time against regional rivals Eura.

This Polarian team were inspired by talismanic captain Alexsandr Van Sorensen, playing his final tournament before retirement. Over the course of the finals, Alexsandr had become more open about a disability that he’d had all his life. Synaesthesia. He used his disability to his advantage in the months before the tournament, creating enough abstract paintings for a small gallery. He says his final address to the football world, before retirement, should be accompanied by a version of the song you’re listening to now.

Polar Islandstates were desperate that their beloved striker should retire with the greatest accolade in world football.

The Terns, though, were carrying the Audioslavian curse.

Alexsandr Van Sorensen kept his word and retired after his nation’s extra-time defeat. The Polarian Golden Generation were now either aging or gone entirely. Somehow, they pushed themselves to the World Cup final once more. Only one team in history had ever reached three World Cup finals in a row. They didn’t know it yet, but it would be the last time any Polarian would play in the final of the World Cup. If they were to defeat the Audioslavian curse once and for all, it would have to be now. Their final chance. And what better opponents… than Audioslavia.

By now the Bulls were two-time World Champions, 3-time regional champions, and Baptism of Fire winners. They had revelled in World Cup 63’s victory over the Terns. This Audioslavia side had so much self belief that, knowing the Terns would be waiting in the final, they declared their semi-final match with Valanora to be *the de-facto World Cup final*, with the winner to complete the formality of handing Polar Islandstates their traditional World Cup final defeat.

As the players approached the pitch, a single flag of each nation adorned opposite walls of the tunnel. A slogan reads: ‘let’s not complicate this’.

...Yeah - aside from the thirst for revenge, the artistic centre-forwards, the violent cartoon polandballs and the culmination of a rivalry so epic that the careers of each of the 22 players on the field will be defined by what happens over these 90 minutes - not to mention the ancient curse that will attach itself to the loser for the rest of recorded time - LeTs NoT cOmpLiCaTe ThIs. On the other hand it *is* simple. It’s the World Cup final: It’s ‘do’, or it’s ‘die’.

Polar Islandstates ended their long run at the top of international football in cycle 73. After finally winning the world championship, they would reach two Copa Rushmori finals and win them both.

Since losing to the Terns that day, Audioslavia have reached four major finals.

They’ve lost them all.

Extras / Notes
Originally two videos, one about Az-cz, the other about Polar Islandstates. It made sense to combine them.
The credits say all images were created by Audio and PIS, but there’s one there from Kita-Hinode. It’s the very Kita-Hinodey one near the end. All the PISballs done by Polar Islandstates.
Asto’s first contribution to The Idiot Project so far.
I rarely spell ‘Az-cz’ the same way twice.
Script was finished on March 26th. Asto finished the vocals on March 27th. Video uploaded March 28th. Lockdown-level efficiency.
Probably the best TIP video so far.
Images from the video

Sean Patterick stood stock still as, behind him, the bench cleared. Substitutes and staff members danced around him, with his assistant jumping onto his back for a brief split second, screaming something loud and Spanish at nobody in particular. In the distance, Moses Moxey was running towards a corner flag, arms waggling, eyes wide, the exact opposite of act as if you’ve been there before.

Sean, still in shock, not knowing what to do, remembered the old phrase ‘I was so confused, I didn’t know whether to shit or wear a watch’ and decided on the latter, taking his watch from his pocket and looking at it. 9:46pm, local time. That meant… two minutes to go? How much injury time was there? Did they kick off for the second half at exactly nine o’clock, or was it…

Another man in a claret tracksuit jumped on his back and yelled something excited and intelligible in basque, which to the untrained ear is most of it.

After the caterwauling stopped, the referee blew the whistle to restart the game. Audioslavia, the second favourites, were two-one up and their opponents, the team that had knocked the Bulls out of the previous World Cup, were looking dispirited.

The final whistle came shortly after.

“And I’m with Sean now, Sean great result, how does it feel for you to do this, we honestly… I think the nation had already resigned itself to a first round exit”
“It’s fantastic. It’s absolutely… I can’t say enough for the lads. They’ve done ever so well. At the end of the day the best team’s won and it’s a game of two halves”
“Quite”

In the background, Moses Moxey runs up the tunnel shouting AAAAAAAAAAA and throwing a bucket of water over someone just out of shot. From the goatish sound and brief flash of blue we can guess it’s a Mrii.

“And next up, Valanora, an old enemy, we’ve beaten them in our last two encounters with them, do you think they’ll…”
“Oh, lord, yeah well, we know… we know the history here. We win two, they win two, we win two, they win two. It’ll be…”
“I mean we know the cheat codes for Valanora by now though, don’t we? We kick them a lot and them fall over dramatically when they go near us, and we exasperate them into momentary lapses of concentration, and then someone scores a lucky goal and we both go home”
“Yeah. Yeah well… yeah well I hear…. I hear they’re evil this time…”
“They’re… they’re what?”

In the background, Moses Moxey runs back down the tunnel shouting AAAAAAAAA. He is pursued by a galloping, soaking wet Mrii holding a bucket and, alarmingly, a corner flag

“LIke… I heard someone say they’d had a change in attitude and then… well and then they punted Nephara into low earth orbit, which we weren’t expecting, and they beat 95X yesterday so… I think the change of attitude is more ‘we’re getting six god-damned now’ rather than… I dunno I think I was expecting them to all have goatees”
“Like as a homage to Mriin?”
“What?”
“Back to you in the studio, Malcom”

by **Nephara** » Fri Jun 26, 2020 5:07 am

Audioslavia 3 - 2 Nephara
(4-4-2) 1 - Mercator; 2 - Stride, 5 - Thorn, 6 - Brosch, 3 - Close (c); 13 - Saroszi, 4 - Shone (7 - Kuepper 79'), 21 - Moxham (s/o 62'), 11 - Strongbow (16 - Deventer 73'); 9 - Bastable, 10 - Metzger (8 - Chalk 63')
Goals: Thorn 24', Bastable 53'

Nepharim were, by and large, mercurial. It was something in the water, some need to stretch your legs along the plains, assert your skin in the game.
Playmakers were, by and large, mercurial. It was something about having all the creative burden on one's slim shoulders, being the main target for both sides at all times.
Chimera Moxham, Nephara's playmaker, was mercurial. She was also in a bad mood, having been kicked from pillar to post all game. It wasn't through flying, homicidal challenges - the proper, Nepharan way, battering your opponent with physical force and daring the referee to do something about it. Rather, it was sly digs in her ribcage and studs in her ankle and just about everything when the referee was looking the other way.
She would insist, later, that she'd tried to appeal to justice. After being dragged down and stamped in the thigh on the follow-through by Moses Moxey, she hauled herself up and loped after the referee, warming into a sprint. "HEY! HEY, REF, CUNT! YOU WANT TO START DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB, HEY? YOU-- off me, Tawny! You fucking too, Monako-- GET BACK HERE, YOU YELLOW-SHIRTED YELLOW-BELLIED PRICK! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT FUCKING EMBRYO OR I'LL--"
Well, he did something, which was to book Moxham for dissent. She had more words, stifled by Tawny Shone's hand, which she bit. But like a dog on a chew-toy, that at least appeased her carnivore instinct.
Temporarily.

Daniella Strauss had decided quite early in the game's aftermath that she was not going back to the team hotel. That was a situation she decided was best de-toxified without her. Yes, the best place for her was, she decided...
"Boss?"
"Yeah, Brights?"
"Why're you sitting on top of the Godhead? With... Christ, are you drinking?"
Strauss peered down at both copies of her assistant manager. Her lanky frame swayed in the breeze, often tipping perilously over one or another edge. "Yep," she said, eventually.
"Boss."
"Yeah."
"You haven't been sacked yet. Hell, Valanora won the other fixture, you must have heard. If the elves bury the Bulls and we fucking slaughter NFX, and these are realistically both things that are likely to happen, we could still go through. Then it's a blank slate. We only came third after Shale on a two-loss group stage, remember?"
"I don't fucking remember, Brights. I'm not seven hundred years old. All I remember is people were disappointed with bronze." She snorts. "Those were the days, huh?"
"I really would feel a lot safer if you weren't so close to falling off. You'll smack your head on the..." Brightwater snapped her fingers, looking for the phrase. "The fucking, thing, the. Safe standing uprights. The."
"Yeah, Brights, well, I'd feel a lot safer in my job if my best player hadn't hauled off and punched a man an hour into a game we really, really needed another goal from."
"Well, there was another goal."
Strauss snorted, but didn't dignify it with another answer.
"Anyway." Brightwater heaved herself up, unsteadily, onto the Godhead herself. The regret was immediate. Her bones were afire. "Look, the FA called, they're sending some guy called Bors Montag to--"
"Oh, fuck, Brights. Fuck no." The manager stared in alarm somewhere above and to the right of Brightwater's actual eyes. "No, no, no fucking way, not him."
"What? Met him?"
"What? God no. He's just... ugh, but you hear about him, Brights. You hear things. I mean, apparently you specifically fucking don't, but."
"I don't really play the political angle, boss," said Brightwater, trying to stay diplomatic.
"Yeah? 'Cause the political angle's about to play us." Strauss screwed her eyes shut, and began that most ancient and time-honoured of breathing exercises; 'trying not to throw up from stress'.
Brightwater had to say something eventually. "So, who is this guy?" she hazarded.
"Montag? Oh, he's... some suit in the NFA. They send him out like some kind of bogeyman, to aggressively normalise things, keep bad ideas from sprouting. Mostly by just going up to whoever he likes and
"He doesn't swear, Monica."
"I mean, you swear. We all swear. That's eas--"
"No, doesn't. Something about his religion. Or his upbringing. Doesn't drink, doesn't skip church. Does not swear."
Monica Brightwater stared back up at her boss. "Jesus."

Jesus was a subject near and dear to Bors Montag's heart. Somewhere in his late-thirties, the sober-suited man had been born in Creed but raised in Crisisbless with all the other Protestants*. He was a broad-shouldered, athletic man, though at just 5'8" did not cut the tallest figure. Nevertheless, his reputation preceded him and he used it willingly, like a pair of brass knuckles reassuringly weighing down the pocket.
And now Daniella Strauss was in his sights.
"Oh, you!" he said, brightly. "84's own Dani Strauss! I've got a screwdriver I'd like to take to your Goddamn* eyeballs."
There wasn't much Strauss could say to that. She settled for "Uh."
"Been thinking all along this plane ride, yeah, what level of omnishambolic trainwreck I'd be presented with. Team like this losing to everyone in sight?" He leaned forward, hands in pockets. "C'mon. What's your secret, hey, Dani? Knock back a few pints before every game? Few rounds of boxing before every game, eh? Actually, there's a thought. Roust out that inked-up Westsider troggo, yeah? Got words for her."
"You must be Bors Montag," said Strauss at last. She really had drunk too much the night of the game.
"You must be slow in the head, only now getting this far. Come on! You thought I was here with your baggage, maybe?"
"Yeah, I was this close to slipping a fiver in your pocket,"*** she snapped back.
"Cute. Save it for the hookers I've no doubt are coming in with the next room service. So." He clapped, once, with alarming percussion. "Let's discuss your record."
"What's there to discuss--"
"Two defeats from two, Strauss. With this team we've got. Far less than the sum of its parts, I'd say. So what went wrong? Ah, wait-- doesn't matter. Whatever it was, you shouldn't have been overcome by it, not with this lot of hardened war criminals at your beck and call. The only way you save this is with the Cup."
"... Huh?" The stick briefly looked like it was a carrot, before Montag belted her across the head with it.
"Yeah, come home with your shield or on it, love. Yes, the Cup! Why do you think you're here? Or had you already given up? Are you-- are you seriously that sad--"
"No."
"-- that worn-out--"
"No!"
"-- no, let's be honest here, let's be honest." He put his hands around her shoulders. "Is it all a little too much? You want to go home, snuggle in some blankets, be told it's all okay because some inbreds from the Vale still think you're a hot commodity?"
Well... if she was honest, yes. "I--"
"Great. So you're a shirker as well as a... for... look, if you manage not to vomit the spanners of your incompetence into the gears, there's maybe just a hope - and you'd best bloody hope for it, love - that we can murder NFX, I mean really bleed them, slow and painful, then hope to hell Valanora do us a favour. Then you're in with a shout of surviving. But it's gonna take a lot more than a Round of Sixteen and a 'ohhh the boys tried hard', got it? OSKAR!"
"Jesus!" Strauss stepped back in alarm as a smaller suit stepped out of Montag's shadow like some kind of corporate matryoshka doll, pressing a file into Montag's hand.
The overseer's eyes flicked up back towards Strauss, before raking down across the files in his hands. "Yes, I have an aide. Mine's not a septuagenarian lush, and related, gets things done. You might want to try it sometime, Dani. Oh, speaking of! MONICA!" He clapped his hands together and swanned off, and there was Oskar, hustling along after him with the briefest of nods in passing to Strauss.
The manager leaned back on the wall and put her hands on her hips. Okay. Okay. Breathe.
NFX had to die. So did the Audioslavians. And it all had to be without her star player. So say if they won 2-0, and then if Valanora also won 2-0, then that would mean the goal difference situation - they were minus three but with more goals, the others had...
... Oh, to hell with the connotations. If her fate was already sealed, and Montag's mere presence probably assured that, she was not going down with a whimper.

* Cathari and Protestantism are mutually heretical. Cathari, by far the majority religion in Nephara, considers Protestants to be doing a disservice to God's creation with sinful talk of self-deprivation. Protestants consider Cathars to be heretical for too many reasons to count.

** This remained consistent with Montag's reputation. By Marcher standards, there are only five swear-words. Four of them have four letters, the fifth is 'Queen'.

*** Tipping is considered an insult in Nephara, implying that the tippee is reliant on the tipper. That said, a sufficiently generous and sincerely well-intentioned tip from a foreigner is generally accepted in pragmatic good faith.

by **HUElavia** » Fri Jun 26, 2020 5:37 am

Turori vs HUElavia Cold Open

Wow, the other day was brutal to watch. 90 minutes of attacking domination, only to fall at the last moment. It was an ending against Zwangzug that we didn't expect. It felt like getting kicked in the gut. What's our reward for this loss? Playing against group leaders Turori.

Turori, the #12 team in the multiverse, coming off a beatdown of a victory against the reigning champions Farfadillis. They got some pretty impressive stars, as do we. But there is a massive difference between them and us: Many of their players are closer to retirement than their peaks, while our stars are young and filled with talent.

Tonight, we don't just play for our World Cup dream to continue. Tonight, we play for HUElavian pride. We play to prove that we're a growing force that isn't stopping and that we're here to stay. Even with the defeat we have, we still have options to qualify, and anything can happen in these next 90 minutes.

If you're religious, pray to your God or Gods. Pray and hope for the team's success. Tonight, your team needs you and your support. It's time to back our stars. Cristiano. Rossi. Hamada. Navarro. Hierro. Ramirez. Lobato. All of them.

It's time to make a name for ourselves. Let's keep our dream alive.

Match 3

Turori vs HUElavia

by **Alasdair I Frosticus** » Fri Jun 26, 2020 9:03 am

OOC - general outline of this RP cleared with Vilita in advance.

Independent Cocoa-bo Commission
Transcript of Final Session

Sir Barsanuphius
Good Afternoon.

This is the final session of the Independent Cocoa-bo Commission. First of all, I would like to thank everyone for patiently sitting through the last two sessions in Farfadillis, despite the unfortunate deaths of two television reporters from frog poisoning, the infestation of snakes, and the lack of clean drinking water for the first session. It will no doubt come as a relief to everyone that this final session is taking place at the Holy Empire Academy of Sciences, back in the Dreamed Realm, where we can provide a more ... congenial environment.

<Sir Barsanuphius waves his hands; a delicious buffet and a table of excellent wines appears at the back of the room>

Please feel free to indulge after the end of the session.

Anyway, it's my pleasure to invite our final witness - Professor Igor von Madscientisto, acclaimed imperial expert in sports science. Welcome to the commission, Professor.

Professor von Madscientisto
It is bringing me great pleasure to be sitting here today, ja.

Sir Barsanuphius
Professor, you have a reputation of being one of the leading imperial experts on sports science...

Professor von Madscientisto
It is being kind of you to say so, but it is not me who is saying this, I must be stressing.

Sir Barsanuphius
Of course, but you are the author or co-author of such ground-breaking studies as:

Use of Temporary Targeted Protein Regeneration and Cryosphere Techniques to Arrest Zombie Space Pirate Flesh Decay in Tropical Climates: A Preliminary Study

Turnips or Beets: Evaluating the Effectiveness of Root Vegetables as Ball Substitutes in Association Football Training Ground Exercises

A Statistical Analysis of Whether Scoring More Goals Always Leads to Victory in Ordinary Reality Football Matches

Audioslavia in World Cup Finals: Curse, Bad Luck, Genetics, or Incompetence?

And

Zero to O - Base 25 Counting Systems, Tanah Burung Nudity, and the Predictive Qualities of Zwangzug Acronyms for World Cup Qualifying Results

Professor von Madscientisto
This is being just small selection of extensive body of vork, but ja, I have written or contributed to all these studies.

Mr Minett
And do you plan on presenting us with actual evidence today, Professor.

Professor von Madscientisto
Oh ja, much evidence on Cocoa-bo; this is vhy I am being here today.

Mr Minett
Thank God.

Senator Copronymuso
I can assure you, Mr Minett, that the professor is very highly regarded here in the Holy Empire. I cannot speak for other imperial citizens, but personally I was very taken by his ground-breaking study of whether puppies can be trained to play basketball. Highly illuminating; lessons there for all of us.

Sir Barsanuphius
Professor, could you please outline for us the nature of your evidence.

Professor von Madscientisto
Ja... It is being like this. During Vorld Cup qualifiers, team of scientists under my direction vas posing as dressing room support staff so as to take DNA samples from two players from each opposing team visiting Holy Empire. Samples vere then being used to grow cell cultures in lab here in Academy of Sciences. Cells vere then being exposed to Cocoa-bo to test if they show susceptibility to either addictive or performance-enhancing qualities.

Mr Minett
I'm sorry, was this legal?

Professor von Madscientisto
Please be excusing me; I am perhaps not understanding question....

Mr Minett
Surely there were issues of consent?

Professor von Madscientisto
Ah, I am seeing issue. Is mundy legal problem, ja? I am assuring you that consent vas being granted via clause written in invisible ink on back of legal vaiver forms signed by staff of all teams entering Holy Empire during qualifiers, just in case there is being silly mundy objection later. Samples were also taken from Bunny Snuggles, who vas most eager to cooperate, imperial assistant coach, and other mundies that team was being in contact vith during qualifiers.

Sir Barsanuphius
And you were able to reach firm conclusions?

Professor von Madscientisto
Oh, ja.

Mr Minett
And these were? Is Cocoa-bo either addictive or performance-enhancing?

Professor von Madscientisto
Oh, ja.

Mr Minett
You mean, yes, it's one or the other - or both?

Professor von Madscientisto
Oh, ja; most assuredly.

<stunned silence in room; broken by...>

Sir Barsanuphius
YES!

Professor von Madscientisto
Oh, but before Sir Barsanuphius is getting too excited, there are being important qualifications. SCIENCE! is not being simple. This is not being final conclusion.

In infinite multiverse, all things are being possible - including that chocolate drink is being addictive and performance-enhancing to some, but is being perfectly innocent and tasty delectable beverage to others; indeed to majority. Observe.

<Professor projects whatever the Holy Empire equivalent of PowerPoint presentation is onto a large screen>

Here are being results in detail.

Genome sequencing of species sampled is showing most interesting results. Here you can see - forgive me, I am simplifying highly complex data without jargon - that for Fluffy Bunnies, Cocoa-bo is giving temporary zip, zest, and zing for about 45 minutes, at cost of rapid crashing, and being highly addictive. For perky and smiling Cheergirls, there is being no doubt that sustained consumption of Cocoa-bo in milkshake form for developing young female bodies is being performance-enhancing. And for that matter breast-enhancing if taken over period of several months; vhether latter is good thing or bad thing is perhaps up for Cheergirls to decide, ja? For all other species in Holy Empire Vorld Cup 85 qualifying group, there is being no impact of Cocoa-bo consumption.

So my conclusion is being that in small number of cases Cocoa-bo is having performance-enhancing and addicting qualities, but in most cases it is being simple delectable chocolate drink. How to explain to mundy media? Is like vith alcohol; for majority of species, enjoying consumption of alcohol is being matter of choice - but for small percentage of species, it can be having more deleterious and severe impact due to specific DNA factors. Indeed, sometimes there is being variation within single species due to genetic factors, ja? You are understanding?

Senator Copronymuso
Were you able to discover the contents of Cocoa-bo? Is it true that no puppies are harmed in its manufacture?

Professor von Madscientisto
This is being simple matter, Senator. Is mostly being water, sugar, some chocolate, herbal extracts from jungle, and - and this is most fascinating result that is surely being of interest to colourful turnip-themed newspaper - about .01% crushed feathers of cocoabo bird. Though vhether this is intent, or simple by-product of environment where Cocoa-bo is being made I am not being able to say. It is certainly being true that there are no signs of puppy bones or flesh being used in manufacture of drink. Most curious thing, though, is that herbal extracts are matching those in Vilita product Vilaye Energy Drink, which is perhaps suggesting....

Sir Barsanuphius
I'm not interested in a Vilitan energy drink, professor. I don't know how to take these results; I don't know whether to feel vindicated or utterly disappointed. I just have one question for you... Is it performance-enhancing for Vilitans?

Professor von Madscientisto
Ah, this I am knowing is crucial question, but answer I am not knowing. During study, I am writing to famous and brilliant Vilitan scientist Dr. J. Hamonii, with who I am writing Zombie Space Pirate Flesh Decay in Tropical Climates paper, but I am not receiving reply - only cease and desist letter from Vilaye Energy Drink executive, which is most interesting because...

Mr Minett
Professor, I believe Sir Barsanuphius has made it clear that we wish to focus on Cocoa-bo. You cannot prove whether Cocoa-bo is performance-enhancing for Vilitans?

Professor von Madscientisto
This I cannot be proving. I can only be proving that in infinite multiverse it is inevitable that any product will be performance-enhancing or addictive for some species. It is being both for Fluffy Bunnies, it is being former only for Cheergirls, but it is being neither for 90% of species in admittedly small sample group. I also cannot be proving if either factor is being caused by cunning intent to enhance performance or increase sales due to addictive properties, or is simple whoopsy innocent accident.

Mr Minett
But how do we know which species it's addictive or performance-enhancing for?

Professor von Madscientisto
Presumably by rigorous programme of testing; but how to implement testing programme is not being up to me; this is being policy decision.

Sir Barsanuphius
Sooooo.... if you don't necessarily support a full ban on Cocoa-bo as a result of these results, you would support a full and rigorous programme of testing for whether Cocoa-bo is addictive or performance-enhancing...

Professor von Madscientisto
This is seeming sensible, ja.

Sir Barsanuphius
And then banning the sports teams of species that do benefit from Cocoa-bo from consuming it....

Professor von Madscientisto
This is also seeming sensible, ja.

Sir Barsanuphius
Aha! Food for thought there... Something for us to think about.

<rubs hands together; looks pensive>

Thank you Professor. And thank you, Mr Minett, Senator, for your time, dedication, and interest in puppies. We shall endeavour to write our preliminary report and release the summary containing our recommendations to the multiverse's media before the first day of the World Cup knock-out stages.

World Cup 85 || RP Thread

WC85F - MD1 - 2-1 v. Zwangzug

WC85-MD1 - Cocoa-bo Commission & Vilaye Roast

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