82nd WorldVision Song Contest | Tiferet, Ertzei Kishim

[Kalosia]

7/31 voting
KALOSIA

Domeniku Kaľari, Kalosian WHF winner

Good evening Kishrael! I hope you are all doing well and healthy tonight. Here are the results of the Kalosian vote:

07 Titaniumland
06 Scotatrova
05 Saviera
04 Elejamie
03 Achaean Republic
02 Nekoni
01 Ertzei Kishim

8 points go to...

Britonisea!

10 points go to...

Llalta!!

And finally, 12 points go to...

Tödlichebujoku!!!

Thank you and good bye.

Izmedu
Malta Comino Gozo
Normandy & Picardy
Antahbrantahstan
Estogium
Polkopia
Beepee
Waisnor
North Alezia
Zeganas
Besen

[Placely Placington]

Placely Placington votes!

All credit goes to tibigrecu over on DeviantArt.

Television Director, government communications guy and owner of Wait, We Have A Broadcaster?. As you'd expect, he has a television on his head, which causes him immense pain due to all the headaches he keeps getting. He was also hired simply because of his name; in reality, he's just a fisherman who collects the only thing that really shows up in Placely Placington's incredibly polluted waters: discarded shopping trolleys.

Television Director stands in an empty white void room. He rests his hands on one of his dials and stands up straight as he slowly turns one. It greatly pains him to do it but he knows it'd be the best way to show off their points, especially after his behaviour when he gave the points for his nation's first competition. After a few channels of static-y nothing, he finally reaches the one he wants and stands up straight, tilting his head a bit until he finally gets a connection. He rests his hands either side of his monitor and keeps as still as he can, trying to ignore the fatal headache he'll inevitably get from this. After all, it's the best way to display their votes.

1 - Elejamie
2 - Ertzei Kishim
3 - Llalta
4 - Waisnor
5 - Hafamarimet
6 - Besen
7 - Todlichebujoku
8 - Estogium
10 - Achaean Republic
12 - Kalosia

Once the camera had finally cut away to Max Calder and Bella Verano celebrating the 12 points they received directly from the Chief President Guy himself Dave McDaverson, the sole member of the Placingtonian jury, we hear a loud offstage collapse and glass breaking. It turned out that Television Director had died again. What a shame but fortunately they're brewing up a new one in the Clonomat so NBD.

[Llalta]

9/31 COUNTRIES VOTING | LLALTA

---

Erik McGarrison - Llaltese TV host, Actor and Radio Presenter

Guess who's back, from St. Christopher! It's me once again with the Llaltese votes, and let me tell you; what an amazing show that has taken place! Ertzei Kishim never disappointing as always, and good luck to all the fantastic artists who have performed tonight! I tell myself every edition that it was the best edition yet, and this was no different! But now onto what you've all been waiting for: the votes!

1 - North Alezia
2 - Polkopia
3 - Elejamie
4 - Estogium
5 - Britonisea
6 - Talvezout
7 - Izmedu

Now time for the bigguns', the ones that truly make WorldVision what it is!

Llalta's 8 points go to...

Besen!!

Our 10 points go to...

Axuva!!

And finally, our important 12 points goes to the always mesmerising nation of...

Kalosia!!!

Good luck to all and good night!!

[Saviera]

Savieran Person of Korean Descent Rhee Hun-na (리한나) Appears on the Screen. She Says: That was Quite a Show. Very Entertaining. How About a Round of Applause? Standing Ovation?

1 Point Goes to In Between!
2 Points Go to the Sovereign Military Order!
3 Points Go to Rowan!
4 Points Go to Unknown Land!
5 Points Go to Callus Yeah!
6 Points Go to South Jakarta!
7 Points Go to Wasp Urine!
8 Points Go to Saint Petersburg!
9 Points Go to God-Blessed Saviera!
10 Points Go to the Catholics!
11 Points Go to God-Blessed Saviera!
12 Points Go to New Warwick!

Thank You and God Bless Saviera!!!

01 Izmedu
02 Malta Comino Gozo
03 Normandy & Picardy
04 Antahbrantahstan
05 Kalosia
06 North Alezia
07 Beepee
08 Waisnor
10 Nekoni
12 Hafamarimët

[Beepee]

Good Evening Tiferet,



This is BONC Norfolk Pinewoods calling. We want to thank you for a wonderful show, cheers!

I'm delighted to present you with the votes of the Beepeean Jury.

1 point - Nekoni
2 points - Britonisea
3 points - to you our wonderful hosts, Ertzei Kishim
4 points - Estogium
5 points - Polkopia
6 points - Elejamie
7 points - Llata

And now our top points....

8 points go to Tödlichebujoku

10 points to .... Kalosia

And finally our twelve point, our douze points from Beepee goes to ......

malta comino gozo

And that completes the votes of the Beepeean Jury, good night.

[Estogium]

---

THIS IS THE ESTOGRAD CALLING...
ESTOGIUM

---

"Hello everybody, it's Ellie Morgent here - WorldVision Song Contest 48 runner up and I am calling live from The Estograd, the city that hosted 9 editions ago. Well done Ertzei Kishim for a great job - the long wait to head back to your nation was certainly worth it. It's now time to reveal the Estogian results with the 10-1 already displayed on the screen..."

10 -TODLICHEBUJOKU
8 - ANTAHBRANTAHSTAN
7 - VARTUGIA
6 - AXUVA
5 - BRITONISEA
4 - SCOTATROVA
3 - WAISNOR
2 - KALOSIA
1 - BESEN

"Our twelve points now. They are heading to.......THE HOST, ERTZEI KISHIM! Congratulations!"

If you weren't announced in the Estogian votes, there is a chance you made the Britonish cut! The Britonish votes will come soon!

[Scotatrova]

Scotatrovian Representative at WorldVision 76, Mateo Garcia

"Iola tiota, Mateo Garcia axte! We wish to congratulate Ertzei Kishim on such a beautiful job hosting. Now here are Scotatrova's votes."

Mister X gom Unue aqute
Achaean Republic gom Diuse aqutes
Ertzei Kishim gom Traz aqutes
Besen gom Qüetre aqutes
Polkopia gom Cinqüe aqutes
Malta Comino Gozo gom Sez aqutes
Izmedu gom Siet aqutes

Nosre Uotte aqutes va ai...Todlichebujoku!

Nosre Dihes aqutes va ai...Talvezout!

Ía athor...nosre Duse aqutes va ai...Llalta!

[Hafamarimyht]

Samečy, Hafämarimët's first representative back in WorldVision 19, smiles warmly and begins to speak.

Kdäk Tiferet, this is Sučavjë calling! Thank you for the wonderful show tonight! You really pulled together an amazing night in a very difficult time, and for that we applaud you!

She applauds the hosts and the audience follows suit.

So, here are the results from the Hafämari jury!

7- Titaniumland
6- Beepee
5- Normandy and Picardy
4- Achaean Republic
3- Nahlcomo
2- Placely Placington
1- Tödlichebujoku

And now the top three!

8 points go to... IZMEDU!

10 points go to... the haunting melody from TALVEZOUT! Congratulations!

And finally. The jury of Hafämari producers and artists gave 12 points to... BRITONISEA!!

Congratulations to everyone, have a good time!

[Ertzei Kishim]

15/31 - Ertzei Kishim
הצבעות ארצי כישים - تصويتات أراضي الكيس

1 - Waisnor
2 - Kalosia
3 - Polkopia
4 - Llalta
5 - Achaean Republic
6 - Malta
7 - Scotatrova
8 - Britonisea

10 - Todlichebujoku

12 - North Alezia

[The Authoritarian Republic of Lochario]

16/31 COUNTRIES VOTING : LOCHARIO

Hello, this is Zun speaking. Here are our votes.

1- Vartugia
2- Vaisnor
3- Besen
4- Normandy & Picardy
5- Ertzei Kishim
6- Scotatrova
7-Kalosia

And finally our TOP 3 is:
8 - Beepee
10- Llalta
And last but not least, 12 points go to............ NEKONI!

[Ertzei Kishim]

[Polkopia]

Polkopian Votes:

1 point: Ertzei Kishim
2 points: Todlichebujoku
3 points: Elejamie
4 points: Achaean Republic
5 points: Britonisea
6 points: Saviera
7 points: Titaniumland

8 points: Scotatrova
10 points: Malta Comino Gozo
12 points: Llalta

[Vartugia]

Vartugia

jsdjløtæ4pædrtstltdyølhtf pætysdth køløljkls kjlhel4lrhwio help

Pussy are comming to you

---

12 - Beepee
10 - Saviera
8 - Placely Placington

7 - Nekoni
6 - Axuva
5 - Ertzei Kishim
4 - Besen
3 - Bayilan
2 - Izmedu
1 - Lochario

[Besen]

"HELLO! What a lovely show... now, what you're all waiting for - these are the top points from the Besenian jury."

8
AXUVA

10
LLALTA

12
BRITONISEA

[Zeganas]

"Thank you everyone for another awesome worldvision contest, here are the points that the judges from Zeganas have made for the entries."

1 Besen

Jason Hopart presenting the points.

2 Izmedu
3 Elejamie
4 Kalosia
5 Scotatrova
6 Waisnor
7 Todlichebujoku

"8 points, goes to..."

Nekoni

"Zeganas's 10 points goes to the one, ya love them,"

Britonisea

"And finally, our 12 points, douze points, go to..."

Malta Comino Gozo

[Nekoni]

[Britonisea]

THIS IS BOSCHKE CALLING...
BRITONISEA

---

Jake Easton
Model, Musician & Television Personality

"Good Evening WorldVision and hello Tiferet... This is Boschke calling. It has been an absolutely fantastic show tonight and it's simply such a shame that avid Britonish fans of the WorldVision Song Contest can't celebrate it's 82nd edition with you in the arena. The voting reveal thus far has been very exciting and I'm hoping that the results of the Britonish Jury can shake some things up. Our points from 10 to 1 are revealed on the screen now.

10 - LLALTA
8 - NEKONI
7 - TALVEZOUT
6 - NORMANDY AND PICARDY
5 - ESTOGIUM
4 - MALTA COMINO GOZO
3 - TITANIUMLAND
2 - ACHAEAN REPUBLIC
1 - BESEN

"And now for the piece de resistance - there was definitely a clear favourite in the Britonish vote. Our twelve points are going to our good friends and masters of the contest...POLKOPIA! Congratulations! I hope to see you all very soon!"

[Achaean Republic]

“Buenas noches, everybody! It’s me, Katya Carreira, former Achaean WorldVision representative from a while ago, and I’m glad that I get the honor to host the votes in my first hometown, Tiferet! Feshalhe, Tiferet!” (The Achaean crowd behind her started cheering. Almost everybody is wearing a mask with both Achaean and (both old and new) Kishraeli flags embroidered on the cloth.)

“I am so, so happy that this show is back in my hometown! Thank you for this amazing show and it’s an amazing opportunity to reveal the results of the Achaean jury!”

1 point: Malta Comino Gozo
2 points: Nekoni
3 points: Polkopia
4 points: Estogium
5 points: Todlichebujoku
6 points: Elejamie
7 points: Titaniumland
8 points: Llalta
10 points: Britonisea

And finally our twelve points go to… IZMEDU!!!

“Thank you so much for this amazing show! Gracias! Tokran!

[Antahbrantahstan]

Aline Lora, singer

"Hello, everyone! I hope you're all healthy during this time! This edition has been a very amazing show, and i'm very glad that in spite of a pandemic among us, this show still goes on. Without further ado, here are the Anturian jury votes!"

7-Besen
6-Britonisea
5-Ertzei Kishim
4-Tödlichebujoku
3-Scotatrova
2-Zeganas
1-Beepee

"The Anturian juries' seven points goes to..."

Izmedu.

"The Anturian 10 points, goes to..."

Elejamie!

"And finally, the highest prize, 12 points goes to..."

The beautiful ballad, LLALTA!

"Shukran, Ertzei Kishim! See you!"

[Mister X]

COMMENTARY
with Robert Baxter and Sam Smith, LIVE on MRX One and MRX One HD

---

Robert: Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and non-conformists, and welcome along to the 82nd WorldVision Song Contest, life from Tiffer-ette in Erts-ay Kish-im.
Sam: Close enough.
Robert: Alongside me to guide you through these next 3-8 hours of mental handicapping is Sam Smith.
Sam: Good evening everyone. Tonight we have a brand new, rubbish, voting system, and to that extent we've been asked to split up jury and televoting. Which means we're not allowed to show a big contrast between the songs, which is quite annoying.
Robert: There are several major flaws to this new system, which we did raise in the WorldVision Committee, and I seriously hope that this system crashes and burns, it's rubbish and there's also a tactical element to it, which we at MRX Television don't find very fair at all.

Opening Act

Robert: This is very WorldVision. Very Eurobeat. I liked it, but I didn't know about you. The only problem is it went on for approximately forever.
Sam: Shame I couldn't really hear it over all of the crowd noise.

Robert: Where would it go on your softness rating?
Sam: Yes, I think this is a good time to explain, really. One of our long-standing traditions here at MRX is to label all the songs according to how "hard" they are. Hard songs are edgy, and rocky; soft, mellow songs are, well, soft and mellow, really. The scale ranges between hypersoft (yoghurt) and superhard (plate): we go yoghurt, plum, jam, butter, bread, bottle, plate. And that was a plate.

Robert: OK, here we go. First up, it's Izmedu. So expect over the top staging and a power ballad.

01 Izmedu

Robert: Well, that was certainly a departure of style for Izmedu. Again, the song was way too long, I thought?
Sam: I agree, for a song lasting 6 minutes it really didn't go anywhere.
Robert: I wonder if that was deliberate, though, to try to get us lot to "descend into madness"?
Sam: Very possible. I don't think it worked if you ask me, but anyway, that was song number one. I'm calling that bottle in terms of hardness.
Robert: It almost sounded like an interval act in terms of structure, I thought. Not my favourite Izmedu entry ever. To vote for Izmedu, you dial 9 12 12 01 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 01 from a landline.

02 Zeganas

Robert: Ooh, now then.
Sam: This was excellent. Are Zeganas on debut?
Robert: Quite possibly, but remember our archives are incomplete. If I had one criticism of that, I don't know why they built an entire city on the stage. The staging was maybe a little too high-concept for my taste, but we'll see what the public think.
Sam: I'm also calling that a bottle. To vote for Zeganas, you dial 9 12 12 02 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 02 from a landline.

03 Waisnor

Robert: Really not keen on that out-of-tune sax solo.
Sam: I wasn't really keen on the whole thing in there as well.
Robert: Yes...
Sam: It wasn't very good at all, I have to say, it was like he was drunk and had drunk lots of alcohol through the saxophone. There are about 50 pieces in a saxophone and it sounded like one of them was broken. The song itself was bottle, but as we all know, explaining how hard a song is isn't a correlation with how good it is.
Robert: If you'd like this to win the WorldVision Song Contest, dial 9 12 12 03 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 03 from a landline.

04 Scotarova

Robert: I'm not sure what I was really expecting from Scotarova, but it really wasn't this.
Sam: Yeah, but soft guitar isn't really a winner, is it?
Robert: Yeah, it's quite nice, but inoffensive.
Sam: And it's not the sort of thing Mister X usually votes for, is it?
Robert: Indeed not. That's a medium: bread. To vote for Scotarova, dial 9 12 12 04 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 04 from a landline.

05 Beepee

Robert: Seems as though they've stolen our concept!
Sam: Eh? They don't have Daleks chasing their singer on stage?
Robert: No, I meant the whole multiverse pandemic going around right now.
Sam: Oh, yes.
Robert: How are we commentating?
Sam: Magic.
Robert: Well, the song wasn't too bad. But really not that good either. Not a great standard so far, and of course the standard will reflect on the televote at the end, won't it?
Sam: I suspect so, but I won't go into detail for fear of a tactical advantage. The song itself was bread.
Robert: And for Beepee, you dial 9 12 12 05 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 05 from a landline. Next!

06 Titaniumland

Robert: A nice message, but I'm not sure the song's composition was ideal for such a well-intentioned message.
Sam: Yeah I have to agree on that one with you Robert, not a great lyrics/tune mash-up in there, but we'll see what the multiverse thinks.
Robert: Why do we say "multiverse" rather than "multiverses"?
Sam: Yeah, it's not given as a mass noun so surely the plural is more logical?
Robert: Oh well. Back to the song.
Sam: The song was butter: to vote for Titaniumland, dial 9 12 12 06 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 06 from a landline.

07 Ekoz

08 Missus X

Robert: Next up is North Alezia. A quick warning to viewers at home: if you have dogs or small children, you may wish to put them out of the room. Or any glass, for that matter.

09 North Alezia

Robert: A very strong, if very gimmicky, debut entry from North Alezia.
Sam: I think what I'm looking for there is the term "popera", both "pop" and "opera".
Robert: And whilst we get some new speakers, Sam will tell you how hard it is:
Sam: Bottle.
Robert: And I will give you the number for North Alezia, with is 9 12 12 09 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 09 from a landline.

10 Britonisea

Robert: Not sure about that strangled cat solo.
Sam: Yeah this is better than many of the stuff Britonisea sends, and although it's better than their usual fare it's not to my taste I must say.
Robert: No, I have to agree with you on that one, I'm afraid.
Sam: OK, so the song is plate, and to vote for Britonisea, it's 9 12 12 10 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 10 from a landline. OK, next up, it's The Doctor, come on Mister X!

11 Mister X

Robert: That was great. Simple, but effective.
Sam: The staging was quite fun, as well. We need a bit more light-heartedness in times of adversity. That's also a fairly typical bottle entry from us.
Robert: Completely agree with that one, Sam, and whilst it's a shame you can't vote for Mister X, I'm sure that all around the multiverses the telephones are ringing off the hook.

12 Elejamie

Robert: I don't know where this sudden run of form for Elejamie has come from, but they've been continuously pulling out bangers for the last 6 or 7 editions now, and they've done so again tonight. Perhaps not as good as some of their other entries in this little run they're having, but very good nonetheless.
Sam: Yes, pretty good but not very good this time around. But their staging really did give them something for this, so we'll give them an extra mark.
Robert: Is this on our totally-made-up ratings system that decides jury votes?
Sam: Yep. The jury's just Robert and I, after all.
Robert: You weren't meant to say that, were you?
Sam: Nope, indeed I wasn't. The song was bread, and you dial 9 12 12 12 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 12 from a landline if you want Elejamie to win.

13 Malta Comino Gozo

Robert: This is pretty good, but not brilliant.
Sam: Are you sure? I thought it was a rather crap power ballad, I must say.
Robert: Actually, yeah, it doesn't age very well. And the sampling of glass getting smashed throughout, which is difficult to hear at first but once you hear it you can't unhear it, is incredibly distracting.
Sam: Yes. But we will give them an extra mark on our system for the staging, which isn't something we normally do.
Robert: How hard was it?
Sam: Difficult, somewhere between soft and medium. I'll go for bread.
Robert: To vote for Malta Comino Gozo, you dial 9 12 12 13 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 13 from a landline.

14 Llalta

Robert: I think we've got something extremely sleep-inducing here.
Sam: I do feel sorry for Llalta here, because they've really put everything into staging, but you can't polish a turd I'm afraid.
Robert: I suppose the only question remaining is how soft it was.
Sam: It's ultrasoft, no question about it. It's trying too hard to be hypersoft, but sufficiently mellow to not be supersoft. Plum. And to vote for Llalta, you dial 9 12 12 14 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 14 from a landline.

15 Polkopia

Robert: That was even more sleep-inducing than Llalta.
Sam: I mean, you could literally copy and paste what we've said on the previous song.
Robert: Overstaged attempt at polishing a turd?
Sam: Correct. That one, however, goes down as our first yoghurt of the evening.
Robert: And my god, did it drag on. If you want that... thing to win the WorldVision Song Contest, dial 9 12 12 15 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 15 from a landline.

16 Antahbrantahstan

Robert: That intro sounded like the aliens were trying to get in contact, but the song did pick up as it went on, I have to say.
Sam: That said, it was extremely forgettable.
Robert: Not really much more to say here is there?
Sam: Nope, only that it's bread, and to vote for it you dial 9 12 12 16 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 16 from a landline.

17 Saviera

Robert: This is a little bit odd.
Sam: "A little bit"? It's rubbish!
Robert: Yeah, I was trying to be diplomatic.
Sam: The song is a bottle.
Robert: Yep. To vote for Saviera, not that we recommend it, it's 9 12 12 17 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 17 from a landline.

---

Robert: We'll take a break, don't go away.

---

18 Estogium

Robert: He has a very... distinctive voice, doesn't he?
Sam: Yep, not my favourite it has to be said in there as well.
Robert: Well, what about the musicality or the chord progression?
Sam: Not sure about that one on that, Robert, I thought it was fairly middle of the road if I'm honest.
Robert: And some of the instruments... well, they're a choice.
Sam: You're right there, Robert. It's a bread, and to vote for Estogium you dial 9 12 12 18 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 18 from a landline.

Robert: Next up is... well, Eurobeat.

19 Ertzei Kishim

Robert: I don't think the various style mash-ups really work here, but what do you think?
Sam: No, you're right there, Robert, it's a bit... strange. The verse, I thought, was much better than the chorus I have to say.
Robert: This song features about three distinct styles. Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: And it just doesn't work for me. The song is a bottle.
Robert: The standard this edition isn't great, is it?
Sam: No, I'm afraid not. We've still got a long way to go, hopefully things pick up towards the end.
Robert: Well, if you do actually want to vote for Ertzei Kishim, you dial 9 12 12 19 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 19 from a landline.

20 Achaean Republic

Sam: Is this the same song as Ertzei Kishim?
Robert: No, it just sounds like it.
Sam: Yep, there's not much to say about this one in here, it's trying too hard really, but at least it's not a horrid mash-up of three different styles so that's got to be worth something. I do hope so, but we'll see what the multiverses think I guess.
Robert: That doesn't mean the song is inherently good though.
Sam: No, sadly not. It's a bottle. Dial 9 12 12 20 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 20 from a landline to vote for Achaean Republic.

21 Placely Placington

Robert: This song is best described as "irritable vowel syndrome".
Sam: Haha, I like that.
Robert: Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: The song was bread, the sort of soft rock that threatens to kick off but never really gets going for sure.
Robert: To vote for Placely Placington, dial 9 12 12 21 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 21 from a landline.

22 Kalosia

Robert: This is very much trying to be a winner, isn't it?
Sam: Yeah, I just wonder if it's maybe trying too hard for sure, they've got Max Calder again though, he's a glorious hunk of man meat in there as well isn't he?
Robert: This song is described by our research department as "pop ballad", which to my mind sounds like something you'd dance to in 1989.
Sam: That's certainly the best song we've heard in a while, I'm glad we had that because some of the other songs we've had so far have been really poor.
Robert: Will that be our 12?
Sam: We'll see. The song is bread, and to vote for Kalosia, dial 9 12 12 22 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 22 from a landline. Next up, Axuva.

23 Axuva

Robert: A very typical rock affair, there. I mean, it was so typical it's almost eye-rolling, isn't it? That starts off well, tails off in the rap pre-chorus, and the less said about the chorus the better.
Sam: Yeah you're right there, Robert, I have to say that it was a little bit typical for sure. I mean, you thought Kalosia was a 1989 throwback, the lyrics on this one probably translate to "I want to go back to 1999" or something like that in there as well.
Robert: Yes.
Sam: Is that all you have to say?
Robert: Yes, otherwise they'll complain about us again.
Sam: Ah all right, fair enough. It's a bottle.
Robert: And to vote for Axuva, dial 9 12 12 23 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 23 from a landline.

24 Talvezout

Robert: Well, that was very romantic, but equally, very forgettable.
Sam: There's not really much to say about this one I have to say, the song was really quite dull.
Robert: I have nothing else to say. What about you?
Sam: Nope, nothing else. Which means we can say it's a yoghurt, you dial 9 12 12 24 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 24 from a landline to vote for it, and we can move on.

25 Nahlcomo

Robert: That wasn't too bad, was it?
Sam: Well I have to say it sounds like the singer's half-asleep in there and threatened to send us all to sleep there as well Robert I must say.
Robert: Well, yes. Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: Not much further to go you'll be pleased to know I have to say.
Robert: The only real question here is how soft that was?
Sam: I think we have our first jam of the evening.
Robert: To vote for Nahlcomo, you dial 9 12 12 25 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 25 from a landline.

26 Bayilan

Robert: In case you've just joined us, no, you're not on acid, this is the WorldVision Song Contest 82.
Sam: Acid might well have been the best way of getting through this one though I have to say Robert.
Robert: Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: So that song is going down as a jam again, and to vote for Bayilan you dial 9 12 12 26 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 26 from a landline.

27 Amuaplye

28 Nekoni

Robert: Not too bad, that one, I must say. Probably an indication of how long I've been going here.
Sam: You're right there, Robert, I think it wasn't objectively that good but it's been such a poor standard we'll probably be giving it a lot of points I have to say.
Robert: Soft-rock does quite well with us usually, and I'm sure it will tonight. We'll see.
Sam: You're right there, Robert. It's a bread, and you dial 9 12 12 28 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 28 from a landline to vote for Nekoni.

29 Vartugia

Sam: Ah, a traditional power ballad here.
Robert: Traditional? It's Vartugia!
Sam: Actually, you're right there, Robert.
Robert: Not too keen on those lyrics, though. Original text, Our song, fucking deep as sea, You will not top this masterpiece, Watch our, Dancenumber. Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: I'm giving that a butter.
Robert: To vote for Vartugia, you dial 9 12 12 29 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 29 from a landline.
Sam: Not too far to go now, thankfully.

30 Besen

Robert: And in case you've just joined us, this is power-ballad-vision.
Sam: You're right there, Robert.
Robert: Not the multiverse's greatest song is it?
Sam: Yeah you're right there, Robert as well, I didn't like it I'm afraid to say.
Robert: Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: I'm giving that butter as well, given it was almost the same edginess as Vartugia. To vote for Besen, you dial 9 12 12 30 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 30 from a landline.

31 The Authoritarian Republic of Lochario

Robert: This song features an intro that sounds like the tape got overwritten three times. Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: I'm not even sure that's actually allowed Robert, it's not a full set of lyrics is it? I'm not even going to go to the rulebook, because I'm sure it's not covered. One for the stewards I think in there as well Robert. The song itself is bread.
Robert: To vote for The Authoritarian Republic of Lochario, dial 9 12 12 31 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 31 from a landline.

32 Proluvia

33 Normandy and Picardy

Robert: Brilliant to see them back in here. They've been roundly missed. And this is a great little entry.
Sam: You're right there, Robert I have to say it's great to see them back in here as well.
Robert: And it's such a poor edition it's probably going to do very well in our voting isn't it?
Sam: You're right there, Robert.
Robert: How soft was it?
Sam: Difficult to say, really, I have to say in there Robert, but I'm going to give it butter.
Robert: Just two songs to go now!
Sam: Yay!
Robert: And to vote for Normandy and Picardy, dial 9 12 12 33 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 33 from a landline.

34 Hafamarimyht

Robert: There's a name that's a blast from the past, remember they took part on Xian soil back in WV34!
Sam: You're right there, Robert.
Robert: Sadly this one doesn't really live up to previous entries from them, it's dull and extremely repetitive. Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: You're right there, Robert. It's a bottle. And if you would actually like to vote for Hafamarimyht, you dial 9 12 12 34 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 34 from a landline.

Robert: Just one song to go now, it's from Todlichebujoku, and if you're a fan of the phrase "save the best 'til last", you're going to be disappointed here.

35 Todlichebujoku

Robert: See what I meant?
Sam: You're right there, Robert, her voice was so grating in there as well.
Robert: She really did screech that out, didn't she? Why? Because it's WorldVision.
Sam: Not saving the best until last there but maybe getting a positive score from our televote, which in this edition is saying it is probably one of the best I have to say in there as well.
Robert: Well, you and I comprise the jury, so we'll have to see how many we opt to give it.
Sam: You're right there, Robert. But the song is a bottle.
Robert: And to vote for our final entry of the night, dial 9 12 12 35 from a mobile or 01721 12 12 35 from a landline.

Robert: So there we are, you've heard all 35 entries tonight, and here is a quick reminder of tonight's entries, complete with softness rating from Sam Smith:

Robert: Now, whilst you make up your mind, here's the interval.

Interval Act

Robert: It's traditional for the host country to lay on a spectacular interval act, but for reasons I'm not sure about, they've decided to break that tradition here in Ertzei Kishim.
Sam: You're right there, Robert.

[Mister X]

12 Zeganas
10 Normandy and Picardy
8 Todlichebujoku
7 Elejamie
6 Nekoni
5 Kalosia
4 Vartugia
3 Besen
2 Malta Comino Gozo
1 Achaean Republic

[Todlichebujoku]

YO SOY UNA BIBLIOTECA

AUTTO: What's up idiots and failures, we're watching WorldVision in Erttsi Kishraelim, a place called Tiferet. I wonder what a single Tifere is.
RINA: Autto that's not how the Kishimi languages work.
AUTTO: ANYWAY it's been a whole eon since they hosted and it's the first time Tödlichebujoku is doing a real WorldVision there. Oh look they're singing now. Where's the other bottle?
RINA: It's right there you dumbass. And yeah it's a quick recap of their past wins, which of course is highly necessary as it's been a few lifetimes since their first 4 wins. My nephew thought they were a newbie that just won their first win a few editions ago, how about that?

Parade of Nations

AUTTO: Well that's exciting! Very Kishimi. Kishimese. Kishimin.
RINA: Let's get to it. Izmedu starting is weird. Let's see how this contest kicks off, shall we?

Izmedu

RINA: I'm inviting Prudencija over to our show now.
AUTTO: I hate this but part of me loves it. Powers above save me.
*he chugs the bottle*
RINA: That's not the only reason you need divine intervention.

Zeganas

AUTTO: Wow, it's been some time since I've heard something like this! Back when the Kishimiraelis last hosted! Or something. To be honest I wouldn't know because I was still learning how to spell back then.
RINA: Yeah it's dated. Decent effort though, especially for a newer nation, probably midtable if things go well. If you're feeling retro angst, Zeganas looks like the place to go! Apparently open to nonphysical persons too.

Waisnor

AUTTO: BRO LET'S DANCE ALL THE HOES IN THE CLUB WHAT A TIME IN THE STERGO CLUUUUUB
RINA: What a throwback! What odd lyrics I'm reading! But I'm down for it!

Scotatrova

*Autto is clutching Rina's handcrystal*
AUTTO: SHOOT ME WITH THE CANNON WHERE YOUR EYES SUPPOSED TO BEEEE
RINA: Fun song, great staging, boys!

Beepee

RINA: Birthe! What a charming name. And the song! So Kalosian! Beepee is really coming for that 7th place!
AUTTO: She looks undercooked.

Titaniumland

AUTTO: Is this 13th-placeland orrrrrr???
RINA: Let's be nice here Autto, this is a very solid entry from Titaniumland and it can easily place higher than 13th. Groovy and polished.

North Alezia

RINA: Wow, what an impact from the debuting North Alezia! It's like Antahbrantahstan discovered how to opera! And collaborated with the big Kishim on production.
*Autto makes a terrible rendition of the final note*

Britonisea

AUTTO: Yo when did I take the sienikkat cuz I didn't wanna be tripping balls this early in!!???
RINA: Is this girl trying rub that last win in??? Mister X did that after they won and I remember some commentator calling them conceited. Anyway they flopped. So that's a warning.
AUTTO: Dude I heard that this Britonish presenter man pronounces Tödlichebujoku like "Tod Laik Gokku Jokku" like damn bro go stick a dictionary in your head, man don't be a dickforbrains

Mister X

RINA: They're really out of ideas, aren't they?
AUTTO: Haha dude they sound like they plagiarized themselves. Like Izmedu sending a crying girl it's all the same when it happens. OH POWERS WOW ITS NOT FILLY ASS DOLORUM!
RINA: We love to see an iota of change.

Elejamie

RINA: Hm she seems really happy and carefree about not being happy and carefree. If you didn't know the language you'd think she's singing about falling in love. Odd choices.
AUTTO: Wow Elejamie found a good rhythm! Too bad no one's going to care when Malta comes on next!

Malta Comino Gozo

AUTTO: WHAT A SHOT! Malta is READY to fight!
RINA: A very polished and theatric performance from Malta Comino Gozo tonight, it should land them a solid top 10! I'd love to say a top 5, even.

Llalta

RINA: Now Llalta's really taken quite a turn-
AUTTO: This is LLALTA???!! Wow I'm so glad they ditched that untalented hack who did their entries before!!!! Who KNEW??! Llalta could be GOOD????!!
RINA: Yeah Llalta has not made much of a splash before but it's great to see them send some quality for once! Now I don't think they fired anyone but it's good to see this come out of them!

Polkopia

RINA: Very sweet despite the bitterness in the lyrics, classic Polkopian quality.
AUTTO: Let's be real they're not winning with this. Even if stupid shit happens to the winner. This'll probably get like 8th on a great day and I think it's only a good day.
RINA: I'm sure it'll have staying power, keep your eyes on the sales for this one in a month.

Antahbrantahstan

AUTTO: Be right back I'm getting high.
RINA: Sweet please don't die. There's a lot going on in this song, some questionable choices made in the verses but the drop is impeccable. And the performance is quite good this edition as well!

Saviera

RINA: A very danceable beat, you'll probably catch it in the trashier clubs once the priests deal with the corenuodai.
AUTTO: Don't know why an angel alien lady is dancing on the stage but that's cool too.

Estogium

RINA: Hm I'm not feeling the verses but the chorus hits, lyrics aside. It's a very Estogian song and we can appreciate that for what it's worth.
AUTTO: Why is this 29 year old acting like he's 60 please. I'm fucking dying here

Ertzei Kishim

AUTTO: Hey yall this is very Kishraelimi but damn it's like a buncha songs in a trenchcoat tryna be one isn't it?
RINA: Yeah, it's very much their style, checking all of the boxes, but this certainly isn't the type of song that gave them their first win in a while.
AUTTO: Wait a sec bitch what the FUCK is a necrosis flame???!! The hell they singing about now?
RINA: You might want to ask em that personally tomorrow or something.

Achaean Republic

AUTTO: Dude I can feel something in the air, I haven't seen these ones before...
RINA: While there's no doubt that we can sense a bit of energy here, I'm going out on a limb here and guessing that not too many of us are going to be voting for this song for its musical qualities alone. It feels average for something from Achaea, and that's a very niche market for Tödlichebujoku already.

[Talvezout]

A carrier pigeon would fly into the arena. It would drop off a tiny paper with the Talvezian and Nahlcomoan jury voters before flying right into a random person in the audience. On the paper, it had...

One point - Hafämarimët
Two points - Besen
Three points - Axuva
Four points - Kalosia
Five points - Waisnor
Six points - Llata
Seven points - Todlichebujoku
Eight points - Bayilan
Ten points - Beepee
Twelve points - Izmedu

[Nahlcomo]

One point - Talvezout
Two points - Placey Placington
Three points - Zeganas
Four points - Malta Comino Gozo
Five points - Ertzei Kishim
Six points - Estogium
Seven points - North Alezia
Eight points - Polkopia
Ten points - Elejamie
Twelve points - Achaean Republic

[Todlichebujoku]

YO SOY UNA BIBLIOTECA

Placely Placington

AUTTO: It's Merecendi! When did their flag change?
RINA: No, Autto, this is a different nation but I'll be damned if this entry isn't like some of the old Merecendian ones.
AUTTO: Oh right yah they can't be Merecendi because they are humans with instruments.

Kalosia

RINA: Whew, it's a classic feel-good Kalosian entry!
AUTTO: Ya just gotta look at it once and ya KNOW it's Kalosia!

Axuva

RINA: Wow, they had a really cool artist background thing earlier before the contest, what happened to that?
AUTTO: You know Axuva, they just kinda do that thing.
RINA: What thing??
AUTTO: I dunno, I guess they just move the budget over to their next act and like ya know just leave the current act alone on stage with nothing, ya get me?
RINA: There's a lot of opportunity here but yes, if they kept things tight and focused with their budget they really could do great things.

Talvezout

AUTTO: Her CANDLES I'm not sure why I'm crying but it HITS me the CANDLES
RINA: This is definitely a low-budget effort but the choice of song definitely makes it less noticeable- if you're going to cut corners, be smart about it!

Nahlcomo

RINA: I'm really not sure what else to say at this point.
AUTTO: Yall I don't want to be rude but this feels like an intermission. I need to pee, see ya.

Bayilan

RINA: Well at least there was some good staging to watch for this one, but I can't help but feel that we're in the nadir of this show right now.

Nekoni

RINA: There we go!! This is the production level we're looking for! Nekoni's really on track to continue on their course.
AUTTO: Dude this kinda slaps, got good vibes here.

Vartugia

RINA: The music is not bad.
AUTTO: Bruh why are they here.

Besen

AUTTO: She's got a voice! And a vibe!
RINA: By itself, the song is great, but I don't know, this feels like the onstage equivalent of not having a music video? Like they put all their budget in the album cover and songwriting and captioning, and video description, but at the end of the day it's just an album cover with music. If she's just standing there with basic lighting and singing a song that needs more than just that, where is the impact? This could be much better. At least we have her Izmedu-quality biography with us.

Lochario

AUTTO: Damn this HITS! But dude this is the same shit repeated over and over again please be creative.
RINA: Now I'm personally not a huge fan of this musically and the staging leaves much to be desired. It's best to move on.

Normandy and Picardy

RINA: Now in terms of staging quality this is exactly what I'm asking for, as with Nekoni earlier. Unfortunately for the rest of the package it seems that the Normands have decided to send an act that was picked up from the street and promised free food in exchange for performing in WorldVision.
AUTTO: They're going down I'm yelling timberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Hafämarimët

AUTTO: This got me dancing on my CHAIR I can't wait for the club remixes baby!
RINA: This is going to be a club hit but I'm afraid not a WorldVision hit.

Tödlichebujoku

AUTTO: YES NORAVAS I LOVE THIS BITCH
RINA: While the song and performance is certainly good, I have to wonder what is going on in TÖBUK that has led ZTA and Youta Madeiros to be postponed for WorldVision 83? Whatever it is, they need to sort their shit out quickly because they can't subsist on their Starfall starlets like this as we progress into the future.

Interval Act

*Autto sings "hoo, hoo* in a terrible falsetto*
RINA: Autto please sit down and shut that mouth for the sake of us all.
AUTTO: No one can tell me what to do!
RINA: Honestly your tolerance is so low. I've only had 1 drink less than you this whole time. Anyway that was the last winner, we all saw it coming a million miles away last edition, a very good winner. Now it's time to vote and we will find out the winner shortly. This new televote thing should shake things up perhaps.
AUTTO: HOO HOO
RINA: Powers below eat you shut the fuck-

[END TRANSMISSION]