DAILY TEAM BRIEFING
Team HQ, Grand Skyline Hotel, Upside Park Avenue, New Sarum, Ethane
Team HQ, Grand Skyline Hotel, Upside Park Avenue, New Sarum, Ethane
The team had just checked in at their final destination on the grand tour of Etano1, Appalaxia2 and Delaclava3 - a very fabulous hotel to crown a very fabulous tournament for Los Mextiqos, although it had ended in the disappointment of a semi-final defeat at the hands of Seirío Ajolotenorme4. It was breakfast time in Ethane(transl.) and the squad had just enjoyed a delicious and nutritious meal ahead of Coach Nores’ rousing final team meeting of the tournament, when they would prepare for the painfully meaningless third place playoff of the Baptism of Fire, against the unlucky Reina(transl.), who might consider themselves worthy of a final. It would no doubt begin with the analysis of the ZRH(abbv.) defeat, to iron out some of the mistakes that led to Tequilo snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
In particular, Agustin de Leon would be reflecting on how he missed the vital penalty in the shoot-out that would condemn his team to agonising defeat, and lend him an albatross of sorts for the rest of his playing career. The player who missed the key penalty. Never mind Tutayan had also missed one. It wasn’t the last one. It wasn’t the one that caused such celebration for the opponents. It wasn’t the one that kept Tequilo out of the final. Agustin wondered if rooming with his Antivadorio companion García, now back in the hospital in Appalaxia, meant some of García’s bad luck had rubbed off on him. That girl that kept emailing him… Agustin felt sure she had laid a palabra upon him for some reason, and some of that had carried over to him.
As he was thinking about García, miles away back in Charleston, García was thinking about that girl and that curse. In fact, with his one good hand, he was sending her a message. Never had his thumb worked so angrily.
From: García de Corcoles
Date: Pasturet 16mo, SB-620
To: Lilián Tlalqui Valençihuela
Subject: Re: A Hypothetical Pondering
Hola Lilián,
Firstly, I apologise for the delay in replying. I have been rather busy you know. Even now I am recuperating in a hospital in Appalaxia, my team-mates have left me behind, and I am not sure when my health insurance runs out. So I’ve had a lot on my plate, thank you for asking.
Secondly, I am perfectly happy with the proposed arrangement that we do not see each other again, particularly after the bizarre series of emails you have sent me. I have no intention of returning to Guastenango, unless it is for the pitxi - although that seems highly unlikely now.
And finally, what the actual fifar? Did you do some hechizo on me to mess up my tournament? Is that what you are saying? You are a lunatic, chica, and you should just stop with all of this. Agustin says I should try very hard to placate you, but pfft! Go back to your little adobe house, and save your curses. They will rebound on you! Trozomierda!
No regards,
García dC
Just after he hit the send button, the exceedingly unpredictable electric grid in Charleston and the surrounding area went down after a lightning strike on a distributor facility that had been poorly insulated. In the hospital, the lights flickered and went off, and then came on briefly as the emergency generator kicked in, then went off again as the generator failed. The electrical bed-raising motor under García overloaded when the generator cut in again, and then shorted in a shower of sparks. One of them caught his bed sheet, which had not been washed in the correct retardant fluid, and began to smoke. García could see it, but, with two legs, pelvis and one arm in plaster, he could not move to pat it out. He tried the emergency buzzer at the side of his bed, which at first didn’t work because the generator had cut out again. But as a small column of smoke was licked with a modest but bright flame, the generator came on again, and held. García pressed the buzzer again, which worked, but at the same time, with the intermittent electrical current, every alarm, buzzer and warning light across the hospital came on too.
This really wasn’t going to be García de Corcoles’ day.
MUSEO de PITXI
1, Plaza Pitxi, Camino Recto, Distrito Socrates, Tapalupé
1, Plaza Pitxi, Camino Recto, Distrito Socrates, Tapalupé
Well, that is peculiar. Almost everyone seems to have left my guided tour of the museum, was it something I said? The Zeta Rekans(transl.) went to the toilet and never came back, the nice people from Ventami5 said they had more important places to be, the turistas-Nepharim just lost interest and the only ones left are the nice family from Reina with the very annoying child who keeps asking difficult - and frankly rather facetious - questions.
RAQ: Does anyone ever remember the losing semi-finalists?
I mean, really, I, Exidio Coyopa of Socrates District, Tapalupé, Assistant Curator at the Museo de Pitxi, should not have to put up with this workplace harassment. And in any case, smarty-pants, you should know. Welcome to the losers final, loser!
And now he cries to his father! Excuse me señor, you must calm down, be advised before you are too hasty but you cannot hit a museum curator, or their assistant! It is highly frowned upon in Tequiloan society! Come now, will you at least finish the tour before, as you say, you take me outside and show me what for. I have one last room to show you, reserved for one of our great legends of the game, El Lechero - The Milkman of Bonimitas: Humberto Bustamante, who played with great achievement at Florentino in Antivador, winning everything there was to be won, whilst carrying out a milk round every morning in his home pueblo of Bonimitas; legend has it that he was as fat as he was because he drank so much of the gold top extra creamy milk that he was supposed to be delivering on his round. But the fatman and amateur footballer became a legend; wrestler, impresario, and film star. And from such humble beginnings.
RAQ: Did he ever win a Baptism of Fire?
There was no national team back then, pequeña pulga, so no, he did not. But he won five state championships, one Copa Tequilo, five National Wrestling Championships and three International Circus Platinum Clowns; three Ramons for best supporting actor in a comedy film, and four Golden Toruses. So I think he did alright didn’t he?
After a spectacular pitxi career, the larger than life forward who had spent all his playing days with Los Violetas, went on to found his own club, Humberto, who are now a moderately successful top tier side in his home state of Antivador, and here he honed his not inconsiderable business skills. Choosing not to move into coaching, Humberto concentrated on the business management side, and combined this with his flair for publicity by competing in a couple of wrestling competitions - and doing surprisingly well. Whilst still chair of the rising football club, he embarked upon his second sporting career, as a top wrestler in a wrestling-obsessed nation. Reviving his playing nickname, El Lechero, the Milkman, he was a regular national champion. As age got the better of him, he became more of an exhibition wrestler, and founded a touring circus to continue his wrestling escapades, in El Circo Lucholibrescapadas - another huge success. Everything Humberto touched seemed to turn to gold. For his final trick, he featured in a cameo alongside the greatest Tequiloan slapstick comedy actor of all time, César Cero, and was such a natural as the enormous blunderer alongside Cero’s tiny mischievous pixie, that they formed a famous partnership over eighteen highly successful - and bizarre - films.
RAQ: But did he ever win a Baptism of Fire?
And that, dear turistas, is the end of the tour. Thank you for listening, and do not forget to take your litter and your little fleabags home with you.
RAQ: But did he ever win a Baptism of Fire?
I have been Exidio Coyopa at your service, and I hope to see you back again soon when we will be opening a new exhibition in time for the World Cup. Adiós!
RAQ: Have you ever won a Baptism of Fire?
It must be your bed time now, annoying boy of the Reinnic Isles.
FOOTNOTES
1Ethane
1Appalachian Nation
1Delaclava
1Zeta Reka Hugeltaldom
1Mavinet