The NSG Bulwer-Lytton Competition II: The Winner!

[Bombadil]

Alone in his room, staring at the blinking screen of his laptop, Tarsonis scrunched his brain as hard as he could, 'think man, think!', he thought before coming to the sad conclusion of a long and lonely day, 'I'm realizing train puns are actually hard to come up with'.

Inspired by..

[Ethel mermania]

Eldest, that's what I am...Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn...he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless — before the Dark Lord came from Outside..



Plagiarize, that is why god made your eyes, but please never forget to call it research.

[Italios]

Eldest, that's what I am...Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn...he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless — before the Dark Lord came from Outside..



Plagiarize, that is why god made your eyes, but please never forget to call it research.

duuuuude please stop posting, you gotta leave the rest of us a chance of winning.

gotta redeem myself, so: "It was a Wednesday evening, and Ethel was pantsless as usual."

[Thermodolia]

Eldest, that's what I am...Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn...he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless — before the Dark Lord came from Outside..



Plagiarize, that is why god made your eyes, but please never forget to call it research.

duuuuude please stop posting, you gotta leave the rest of us a chance of winning.

gotta redeem myself, so: "It was a Wednesday evening, and Ethel was pantsless as usual."

The missus was angered over the incorrect placement of the milk (the pantsless Ethel helped the milk into its predicament) in the refrigeration unit

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

Eldest, that's what I am...Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn...he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless — before the Dark Lord came from Outside..



Plagiarize, that is why god made your eyes, but please never forget to call it research.

duuuuude please stop posting, you gotta leave the rest of us a chance of winning.

gotta redeem myself, so: "It was a Wednesday evening, and Ethel was pantsless as usual."

Annoyed, Mrs. Mermania looked on, wondering why he insists on this behavior; yes, his gams were great but age and gravity have take their toll...

[Ethel mermania]

duuuuude please stop posting, you gotta leave the rest of us a chance of winning.

gotta redeem myself, so: "It was a Wednesday evening, and Ethel was pantsless as usual."

Annoyed, Mrs. Mermania looked on, wondering why he insists on this behavior; yes, his gams were great but age and gravity have take their toll...

I thought the ides of march was a couple weeks ago.

[Farnhamia]

Annoyed, Mrs. Mermania looked on, wondering why he insists on this behavior; yes, his gams were great but age and gravity have take their toll...

I thought the ides of march was a couple weeks ago.

It was. The 15th in March, May, July, and October, the 13th in all other months.

[Cekoviu]

As morning church bells rang in the distance, Logan Paul gazed in wonderment upon his barely-awake bedmate's supple form, entranced by her hirsute, yet inescapably feminine, breasts and the cold clarity of her slightly curled tarsal claws -- he knew not what fate was about to befall them as a fleet of cubic black vessels invisibly descended from the heavens.

[Piraccas]

We are creatures in tune with vibration: music, violent motions of the Earth, touches serene and ardent; it is these vibrations that massage the essence of our beings into peace- we shake things off- so it is these harmonic and physical oscillations that lead me to so very firmly believe that there is great healing power in twerking.

[Piraccas]

My name is Lucius Birkenfeldt Ee'ii'ikki-i'pompom'poodles'willywilly'whiskers Marion Ulysses Mix Ingredients Thoroughly Noah I Don't Care What Its Name Is The Nurse Can Name It For All I Care Quintavius Kareem Jeremy Danger Sørrenson IV, and this is the story of how I lost my virginity twice.

[Andsed]

I touched the orb of godly essence and felt it fill my body sensually massaging it as I was given all the knowledge in the universe overflowing my head with countless things, but one thought broke through the tangled mess of dreams and reality, one echoing thought felt everywhere as I screamed, ¨WHY IS THERE SO MUCH PORN!?!?!?

[Rojava Free State]

Hanoi Rocks rocked your mom hard, and they're like 50 something and no one even knows who they are so it's even worse.

[Piraccas]

Scent of flames,
(humid parakeets)
sanguine defenestration, giant's tantrum;
the scene unfolded slowly like a reverse paper origami crane of death,

(not their baby, they're childless even though they went at it like rabbits- is that weasel fur?)

I held my

off


breath, fear
stalking
forwards
in

until I saw that

the art installation

e.
was not
in fact

an hurricane's wreckage, and my boss' idea of a softball review for a rookie was waaaaaaaaay

ba
s

[Piraccas]

Keeping a family tree straight is an art akin to bonsai.

[Piraccas]

((last one))

It had been a laborious and superfluously diluted stretch of time(seeming to expand as time is wont to do when one finds oneself under great tribulations and stress), meticulously oblivious and masochistic as pressure internal and external mounted; it had long been spoken of in prophecy, instilling a sense of duty and imparting a glimmering pearl of relief that was tantalizingly elusive, and metaphorically speaking it was firmly in hand as Xixiawe Ququxan dropped trou and prepared to unleash the fart that would bring an age of the world to its end, dawg.

[An Alan Smithee Nation]

The chances of anything coming from Mar-a-Lago are a million to one, he said.

[Forsher]

Frederina approach the table with the caution born of years of wonder and confusion; what mysterious force had compelled the object of her affections to frequent the dry, cracked paint and scuffed, muddy grass of the surrounding courtyard as a matter of course in those earlier, halcyon, years, those fantastic days and storied weeks that preceded that sudden, anti-climactic and unspoken abandonment of the concrete mushroom?

[Cannot think of a name]

The wind slapped her face like she was a bass guitar in funk band.

[Shamhnan Insir]

The writers block has settled in and did not appear to want to budge unlike the bottle of Mortlach 16 y.o which had tipped and now slowly poured its golden soul across the table.

[The Archregimancy]

The writers block has settled in and did not appear to want to budge unlike the bottle of Mortlach 16 y.o which had tipped and now slowly poured its golden soul across the table.

I am as immune to sentences about whisky as I am to kittens.

My heart is hardened to all forms of bribery, whether subtle or overt; indeed, I have no heart - only a small, cold pebble of inert stone where my heart used to be.

[Ethel mermania]

The writers block has settled in and did not appear to want to budge unlike the bottle of Mortlach 16 y.o which had tipped and now slowly poured its golden soul across the table.

I am as immune to sentences about whisky as I am to kittens.

My heart is hardened to all forms of bribery, whether subtle or overt; indeed, I have no heart - only a small, cold pebble of inert stone where my heart used to be.

MOM! I have missed you so.

[Andsed]

The writers block has settled in and did not appear to want to budge unlike the bottle of Mortlach 16 y.o which had tipped and now slowly poured its golden soul across the table.

I am as immune to sentences about whisky as I am to kittens.

My heart is hardened to all forms of bribery, whether subtle or overt; indeed, I have no heart - only a small, cold pebble of inert stone where my heart used to be.

The Archaeologist claimed to have a heart of stone, a pickaxe was clearly needed.

[The Free Joy State]

I am as immune to sentences about whisky as I am to kittens.

My heart is hardened to all forms of bribery, whether subtle or overt; indeed, I have no heart - only a small, cold pebble of inert stone where my heart used to be.

The Archaeologist claimed to have a heart of stone, a pickaxe was clearly needed.

You'd bring a weapon into our nice thread and take aim at a heart? What dastardly deeds are afoot here? Endeavouring to engineer the Bulwer-Lytton bout with bursts of brutality?

Be assured my wary eye is upon you, Andsed.

[Rojava Free State]

Dad came back from the store with some milk today...after heading out there 15 years ago.

[Valentine Z]

I heard a small thud while I was studying alone and listening to some guy on YouTube, which I thought it was from the video and so I rewind a few seconds back; the thud wasn't from the video.