Jutsa wrote:Nuremgard
This person is a machine. Doesn't even have to draft on the forum and has 16 issues.
Well, CWA frequently drafts issues on the forum and has 88 published issues. Whatever works for you...
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by Pogaria » Mon Feb 17, 2020 7:52 pm
Jutsa wrote:Nuremgard
This person is a machine. Doesn't even have to draft on the forum and has 16 issues.
by Jutsa » Tue Feb 18, 2020 1:38 pm
by Deep Communism » Tue Feb 18, 2020 2:05 pm
Issue #1318: Blitzed
The Issue
Recent historical research has revealed that the Smalltopian army’s ‘Lightning War’ was ultimately successful because their troops had been given large doses of methamphetamine. Your top generals have encircled you in your office and this conversation isn’t going to be an easy trip.
The Debate
Option 1. “The Smalltopians crushed their enemies with their Lightning War,” states Lieutenant General Rubin, well known for her singular battlefield tactic of ‘more cannon fodder’. “They marched non-stop for four days and nights through thick forest, while carrying full packs, then fought and easily defeated their foes at the end. If @@NAME@@ wants to win any future wars quickly and efficiently, we need to start issuing our troops with methamphetamines.”
Option 2. “Methamphetamine does seem to be a useful addition to a war effort,” ponders Major General al-Assad, who prefers to lead by example. “However, there are health issues to consider. Methamphetamine should only be given to elite troops on dangerous missions. When those missions are over, there needs to be a comprehensive rehabilitation period to make sure no one is addicted or suffering from any side effects.”
Option 3. “Methamphetamine is a lethal drug!” declares General Andrew Cheavers-Ciphil of the Army Medical Corps, as he hands out pamphlets on the dangers of narcotics. “If we want our troops to win battles, then they must be fully coherent and at the peak of their physical fitness — not pumped full of drugs! In fact, all forms of substance abuse must be banned in the military: narcotics, alcohol and even caffeine.”
Option 4. “Why only soldiers?” questions your secretary, as he grinds his teeth incessantly, makes you a drink with one hand and takes meeting minutes with the other. “Look at all this work I have piled up on my desk, not to mention all the other tasks I’m expected to carry out. There’s never enough time in the day! Dose every worker in @@NAME@@ with methamphetamines and see how efficient they become!”
Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland
Edited by Baggieland
by Sedgistan » Tue Feb 18, 2020 2:48 pm
Deep Communism wrote:New issue. Also, looks like Smalltopia is officially a German nation.
by Trotterdam » Tue Feb 18, 2020 3:12 pm
by Tatarica » Wed Feb 19, 2020 3:27 pm
by TalAkMaChen » Wed Feb 19, 2020 3:58 pm
The Candy Of Bottles wrote:1317: Nanny State [Nuremgard; ed: The Free Joy State]
The Issue
After the recent birth of the first child of Princess @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ of @@NAME@@, newspaper pundits have begun to question how Her Royal Highness will juggle the responsibilities of parenthood with her royal duties.
The Debate
1. “Look no further than I, your super-duper firm-but-fair classy granny’s nanny,” announces Kerri Cracking, sweeping through the door with a stylish bag made entirely out of mohair carpet. “Close your mouths, please, Ministers — we are not a codfish. As you see, I have worked only with the right sorts of family. I am stern, but kind; I don’t put up with any nonsense, but have a somewhat magical effect on the youngsters. With me, the newborn royal will learn good manners, graceful refinement and be prepared to take their proper place in the world. Tell the applicants waiting outside to go fly a kite so I can get on. Spit spot.”
2. “What century are you living in?” retorts your brand new Minister for Women’s Equality @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, while scanning some application forms rather closely. “The royal nanny should be qualified in the latest childcare techniques, child development and first aid, and should be female. This will show the women of the nation your commitment to female employment. And she should be pretty. That way, a Rainbow Pony girls will know that being pretty doesn’t mean a girl can’t have talents; it’ll bust stereotypes. And as the Princess is all pudgy and wan after the birth, it wouldn’t hurt to have her trailed by someone more photogenic... Okay, who said that I won’t last a week at the Ministry?”
[3]. “What century are we living in indeed?” asks your Minister for Transport, while adjusting the rainbow pin on his suit. “Why don’t you hire a manny? A professional manny will be just as well-trained in childcare as any female nanny, and can be glamorous, ensuring the royal children are dressed in the latest and best styles. Not only that, it will show how progressive the royal family are, and how the entire community and their potential contribution to childrearing — regardless of their gender or sexual orientation — is valued. That’s sure to win support for the royal family. How about it?”
Validity 3: same-sex marriage is legal
4. “Why embrace this century when you can embrace the future?” chimes your slightly singed Junior Science Adviser, lugging in his latest robotic prototype. “Meet LUL-2000, an AI nanny. Now, I know the blinking red eye looks a little strange and the hands are still a bit claw-like; the next one will have a skin on it, I swear. But think of this: it’ll show your commitment to technology and science, and it’ll give me a chance to show off the capabilities of my prototype. It feeds babies, burps them, changes them and puts them to bed content and safe 96.7% of the time. And the percentage is rising. I mean, the kids might be scared to begin with but they’ll adapt, right?”
5. “Or, here’s a revolutionary idea,” storms an exhausted woman as she bursts through the door, shaking off a toddler clinging to her leg and bouncing a crying newborn. “How about all the toffs look after their right royal brats their right royal selves? Crazy idea, I know. Royals are all busy dubbing ships @@NAMEINITIALS@@S Snooty-Arse and whatever royals do. Well, I’m sorry, but other working mothers have to manage: up before dawn to do housework, spend half an hour with the kids, feed them, then out to work. Princess Whatshername can manage without help, too.” Shoving her crying baby at you, she waltzes out of the meeting room, returning sheepishly moments later to collect him.
by The Free Joy State » Thu Feb 20, 2020 8:57 pm
TalAkMaChen wrote: I also had a male speaker in option 2, so maybe that's only male.
by Minoa » Sun Feb 23, 2020 1:16 pm
by TalAkMaChen » Sun Feb 23, 2020 4:09 pm
by Trotterdam » Mon Feb 24, 2020 9:31 am
Are you just reloading the page after logging out and in on the same nation? That's normal.Minoa wrote:In my case, the first names are not changing.
by TalAkMaChen » Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:32 am
#1321: Who Wants to Know a Millionaire? [Asle Leopolka; ed: Zwangzug]
The Issue
A climbing jackpot in the lucrative @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ national lottery has led to weeks of media frenzy, and at last, a ticket sold at a corner drugstore in @@CAPITAL@@ has been drawn. However, the winner has refused to come forward to claim their prize. A letter sent without return address purports to be from the winner, who demands to remain anonymous.
The Debate
1. “This is a matter of privacy and safety,” argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spokesperson for the pro-anonymity group Citizens Railing Against Peeping. “Releasing the names of these winners puts them in considerable risk. Last month’s winner was harassed by former partners, stalked by tireless panhandlers, and nearly robbed by half a dozen chuggers! Lottery winners need to be left alone so they can go back to their normal jobs — or not, as the case may be.”
2. “We must continue to publicize these lucky winners,” interjects your head of gaming, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while slipping on a pair of black leather gloves. “Our lotteries help fund important @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ programs like education, parks, and hacki- I mean technical literacy, so the people need to know the winners’ identities to ensure it’s not just government insiders who win. Plus,” @@HE@@ continues while putting on a clown mask, “we’re still a nation of laws. I’ll concede that a few weirdos will stalk the winners, but the overwhelming majority of our citizens are courteous enough to leave them alone. Now where did I leave my lockpicking set?”
3. “Gambling is the Devil’s vice!” proclaims puritan zealot @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Lotteries are a legal avenue for the state to rob the destitute and mathematically illiterate! I’ve spent millions of francs on tickets and haven’t won a fraction of it back! You need to not just protect the winner, but all of @@NAME@@ — outlaw all forms of gambling immediately!”
by Bears Armed » Thu Feb 27, 2020 11:06 am
A Case of Poor Turnaround
The Issue
The @@ANIMAL@@ Room — a @@CAPITAL@@ nightclub known as a swinging hotspot — was recently the site of a tragic fire that started with a flaming sambuca shot and ended claiming the lives of hundreds. Fire investigators have attributed the high number of deaths to multiple causes, but most notably the large revolving door which was the only access to the premises, which panicked crowds jammed against as they tried to escape the blaze.
The Debate
1. “Imagine being pushed from behind, trying to get through a door which you know is unlocked, but which is providing no escape because of the mass of people trying to get through,” narrates criminal legislator Melody Grove. “The simple solution? Doors that swing outwards. Every revolving door must either be flanked by or replaced by swing doors, and proper fire exits must be built into every building that is accessible to the public.”
2. “Look, I’m sad, I’m super sad about that tragedy,” says Alice Butler, manager of competing nightclub @@CAPITAL Nights, as she pens a flyer for a Special Memorial Tribute Disco. “But do you really want all that bureaucracy putting a dampener on the whole nocturnal recreation industry? I tell you, all those dead party-goers would be spinning in their graves! Instead, step back and let the invisible hand of capitalism guide future fire safety measures. Customer choice and the laws of market competition will result in safer nightclubs, I guarantee it!”
3. “There’s potentially a silver lining here to the black clouds of smoke around this situation,” mentions your Minister of Surprises, popping up from behind a sofa. “A known dissident and vocal critic of your rule was amongst the dead. We should see this as a signpost to future opportunities. With a little surveillance of our political opponents’ social habits, a little well-planned arson, and a few strategically locked doors... well, let’s just say your problems will go up in smoke.”
by Techolandia » Sat Feb 29, 2020 2:46 pm
by TalAkMaChen » Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:10 am
by Jutsa » Sun Mar 01, 2020 1:28 pm
by Racoda » Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:25 pm
by Trotterdam » Mon Mar 02, 2020 4:11 am
Signs point to Autarky.Racoda wrote:I just got issue #437: Blue Screen Of Economic Death without the third option. I'm unsure what the requirements for that option are though.
by Techolandia » Mon Mar 02, 2020 7:01 pm
by Techolandia » Mon Mar 02, 2020 7:13 pm
by TalAkMaChen » Tue Mar 03, 2020 2:15 am
by Pangurstan » Wed Mar 04, 2020 1:20 pm
Issue 1322
Introducing Altengarten?
The Issue
Last month, a prestigious @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ retirement home had a novel idea: combining aged care and kindergarten. The idea was well-received by geriatricians and geriatrics alike, and now participants are proposing the model be adopted across the care sector.
The Debate
“It wasn’t just a frivolous idea,” states trainee care home manager Falala Watson. “We attempted a trial run and monitored the subjects closely throughout. Every one of the elderly participants showed significant improvement in physical ability, mental health, and overall well-being. And the children learned valuable life lessons! Please @@LEADER@@, implement this model of care across @@NAME@@.”
Accept
“Sure, the trials showed promise...” begins Ken Davenport, your Minister for Science. “But only one ‘class’ of children took part, and a mere 20 seniors! How in Violet’s name that’s considered a scientific trial is beyond me. Expensive policy proposals need rigorous trials and extensive research before being implemented wide-scale. If the effects are as beneficial as its proponents claim, surely it bears further study?”
Accept
“You have got to be kidding!” replies kindergarten teacher Harold Weissenegger. “If you think my precious little kiddos are better off in a musty old folks’ home, you’re insane. No-one knows anything about what old Glynis or Ernest are like with children, and these kids won’t be the experiment to find out! Youngsters belong in the classroom with structured, disciplined teaching — old people’s homes should be for old people only.”
Accept
“Yesterday, I had to change four patients in the space of half an hour,” interjects Prudence Krustofsky, an overworked carer from @@NAME@@ City Lakes, “And you want me to supervise children too? Nope. If you’re going to put youngsters in retirement homes, they’ll need to pull their weight. They can do all the dirty work, like changing soiled bed linen, while us qualified carers do the proper stuff! Maybe then I can finally catch a break.” She breathes an audible sigh of relief
by The Candy Of Bottles » Fri Mar 06, 2020 8:52 am
1323: Toss the Coin?
The Issue
A recent financial crisis has seen the currency of East Lebatuck plummet, making that nation a popular holiday destination for @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@. Some shrewd citizens have discovered that a one lira Lebatuckese coin, worth 0.25 of a @@CURRENCY@@, has exactly the same size and shape as a one @@CURRENCY@@ coin. Their similarity is fooling vending machines in @@NAME@@, giving an effective 75% discount to coin fraudsters.
The Debate
0.) “If you allow this fraud to continue, I’ll go bankrupt!” yells Chip Watson, the owner of the Eckie-Cola Company, emptying his pockets and scattering dozens of East Lebatuckese coins on your desk. “These marauders have come back from holiday and literally plundered our coin-operated vending machines. @@LEADER@@, you must mint new coins: make them bigger, smaller, rectangular, hexagonal — I don’t care! Just make them different from these!”
Accept
1.) “@@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are the symbols of our national pride; you can’t change them!” roars Iris Dahl, a cultural conservative whose clothes pre-date your rule. “If anything needs to be changed, it’s them stupid East Lebatuckese coins that were minted to mimic and thus devalue our currency. Just tell those impertinent counterfeiters to alter their money, or else we will prohibit our citizens from travelling to their country. Let’s see how well they’ll fare without the tourism income we generate.”
Accept
2.) “No, no, no, you can’t do that; tourism is precisely the solution to this problem,” states Mike Krustofsky, a distraught holidaymaker who has just come back from East Lebatuck with shopping bags full of cheap watches and chocolate. “You must remember that the East Lebatuckese lira lost so much value because of their economic crisis, so we tourists are helping to support their economy. Thanks to us, over time, the East Lebatuckese lira will come to be as valuable as the @@CURRENCY@@ and the problem will simply dissipate. If you want to accelerate this process, you can make it easier for us to help them by abolishing duty on all goods bought from East Lebatuck.”
Accept
Dismiss This Issue
Issue by The Democratic Island Federation of Frieden-und Freudenland
Edited by Baggieland
by TalAkMaChen » Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:59 am
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