[SUBMITTED] Fine Feathered Foes

[Sierra Lyricalia]

NOTE: Not submitted for issue contest. Good luck, everyone!

Added specific bird type in description; several new bird puns added. Not sure how to incorporate the latter into the effect lines...

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It's been a while since I did this, so forgive me if syntax or macro names are out of date.

I feel like a fourth option might be fun, so as to add more bird name puns, but I don't yet see what other solutions might exist for this problem.

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Fine Feathered Foes

Validity: follow-on from Option 3 of Issue #737

[description]Following a recent increase in bird attacks on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ civilians, your top scientists have determined that these are the same birds you gave the order to train en masse to perform military air strikes against the deranged songbird killers of Tasmania. The sudden destruction of a major air defense installation by crazed Kawandalandian Condors has brought things to a head.

[option]"Ungrateful glorified poultry!" grouses Alfred Hedren, your Minister of Defense. "We must have been addled to turn over our air power capabilities to those flittering turncoats. Let me have my air force back and I'll hit 'em right in the giblets. Three or four wings of Blackbird fighter-bombers should do it. No more walking on eggshells!" he crows.
[effect]every backyard shade tree is a "Please Bomb Me!" sign for the @@NAME@@ Air Force

[option]"If we get even more destructive we'll just get egg on our face," pleads scientist Jay Cardinal, who was playing chess with you just before the kerfuffle. "We can use strategically placed feeders and ultrasonic devices to keep these birds away from major cities and bases," he says as he toys with his queen's rook. "This doesn't have to be our swan song!"
[effect]@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ squirrels are learning to swarm park ranger trucks carrying bird seed

[option]"Don't get too cocky!" cackles the Bird Lady with a ravening grin. Parroting your Minister of Defense's hand gestures as she struts through your office, she continues: "You can't gull us, you can't condition us, and we won't quail or chicken out. @@NAME@@ is mine... unless, of course, you help finance my next venture. Twenty billion @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ should do it. Add another couple billion and who knows - those vultures in Blackacre might just get off your back once and for all."
[effect]@@NAME@@'s ornithological ransom payments are bankrupting the economy

[Sierra Lyricalia]

[description]Following a recent increase in bird attacks on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ civilians, your top scientists have determined that these are the same birds you gave the order to train en masse to perform military air strikes against the deranged songbird killers of Tasmania. The sudden destruction of a major air defense installation has brought things to a head.

[option]"Ungrateful glorified poultry!" mutters Alfred Hedren, your Minister of Defense. "I knew we shouldn't turn over our strategic bombing capabilities to those flittering turncoats. Let me have my fighter jets and bombers back and I'll stop this menace once and for all," he crows.
[effect]every backyard shade tree is a "Please Bomb Me!" sign for the @@NAME@@ Air Force

[option]"Look, there's no reason to get even more destructive," pleads scientist Jay Cardinal, who was playing chess with you just before the kerfuffle. "We can use strategically placed feeders and ultrasonic devices to keep these birds away from major cities and bases," he says as he toys with his queen's rook. "We can coexist!"
[effect]@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ squirrels are learning to swarm park ranger trucks carrying bird seed

[option]"Don't get too cocky!" cackles the Bird Lady with a ravening grin. Parroting your Minister of Defense's hand gestures, she continues: "You can't gull us, you can't condition us, and we won't quail or chicken out. @@NAME@@ is mine... unless, of course, you help finance my next venture. Twenty billion @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ should do it. Add another couple billion and who knows - those vultures in Blackacre might just get off your back once and for all."
[effect]@@NAME@@'s ornithological ransom payments are bankrupting the economy

[Australian rePublic]

Wait, didn't you train them to go into Tasmania rather than stick around @@NAME@@? This seems to me like a failure on the trainor's behalf (or alternately, a failure on the behalf of whoever ignored the trainor's advice and went ahead with this proposal)

[Sierra Lyricalia]

Wait, didn't you train them to go into Tasmania rather than stick around @@NAME@@? This seems to me like a failure on the trainor's behalf (or alternately, a failure on the behalf of whoever ignored the trainor's advice and went ahead with this proposal)

Yes. In #737 the Bird Lady proposes to bomb Tasmania with birds. Now she is using them to take your nation hostage, more or less, to further her mad schemes.

[Jutsa]

This is beautiful. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or wet myself.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

Really, no suggestions for improvement? Or castigations of poor thought process ?

[Australian rePublic]

Really, no suggestions for improvement? Or castigations of poor thought process ?

Maybe clear up who's responsible

[Sierra Lyricalia]

Updated draft bump.

Really, no suggestions for improvement? Or castigations of poor thought process ?

Maybe clear up who's responsible

I mean, I think it's pretty clear?

these are the same birds you gave the order to train en masse to perform military air strikes against the deranged songbird killers of Tasmania.

...plus the appearance of that same Bird Lady in option 3 are pretty clear, no? If not, I can be unbelievably super explicit, but unless it's really shadowy and unclear, I'm planning to leave that part as is.

Any suggestions on working more bird puns into the effect lines?

[Jutsa]

Thank you for coming back to this.

^ That's all I have to say.

[Daarwyrth]

How is this an international issue? You want to waste WA funds on this? I firmly oppose- Oh, wait, wrong forum... (yeah I know, the joke is tacky )

It's amazing to see this issue chain is going to have a sequel! I loved the first two, and unlike film or TV series sequels, this one maintains the quality of the others and is highly amusing. I only expected the first effect line to be about "fried wings being the national dish of this year" or something like that, but the current one works just as well.

I also think that the description and options provide enough information on who the culprit is, and clarifying it excessively in the premise would be wasteful I think, and even somewhat repetitive. My advice would be to keep it as it is.

Wonderful issue draft, well done!

[Galiantus III]

Awesome issue. Love the references to Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.

[Ransium]

I love it, we’ll build a chain issue one piece at a time.

In 737, I didn’t give the minister of defense a name since he was assigned a random name in the original issue and it seemed odd for him to have different names issue to issue. You gave him a good name here though that I would hate to see removed.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Submit it already, I wanna edit it.

[New Jacobland]

This issue is touché. I want to get it now!