World Cup 84- RP Thread (IC)

[Eura]

emplor.eur/main/sport/football
QUALIFYING REVIEW: EURA ROMP HOME TO SECURE WORLD CUP 84 QUALIFICATION
Difficult group at finals awaits after Eura top qualifying charts
Report by our Euran international team correspondent Isabel Haynes

Following the debacle that was qualification for the 83rd World Cup, it was reasonable to expect there might be a reaction from Eura's players. After beating Apox 4-3 in a friendly to mark James Palmisano's 100th cap, that reaction was a series of flawless performances to qualify for the 84th World Cup unbeaten, with eighteen wins and two draws - the best record of any team at the qualification stage. We've looked back at the campaign, game by game.

Geisenfried 0–2 Eura
Geisenfried are one of the longest competing nations in world football to hail from Atlantian Oceania. Traveling away to them was a tough opener for Eura, who rose to the challenge admirably. A strong team muscled its way past the hosts and dominated the game from the start. Brian Bond set out an early case to be the key player of the tournament for his country with a sensational opening goal, a half volley from all of 20 yards. Then Anthony Townsend made sure of the victory with a low shot in the final minutes as Geisenfried chased an equaliser.

Eura 1–0 Damukuni
Damukuni were second seeds in the group and therefore beating them at home was a key task for Eura to secure qualification. At first it was a struggle and the home side were blown open once, saved only by Kevin Belgrave making an instinctive last minute save in a one on one against Jiah Leeds. As time passed Eura grew into the game and asserted control, eventually taking the lead when Bond was clumsily fouled in the box by a distraught Jorie Stenhalter. Bond stepped up and did the business from the spot, and Eura subsequently saw the game out.

Tornado Queendom 3–4 Eura
Eura had defended well until this point but in their third match things went pear shaped. The back line struggled, in particular Dean Steele who had only recently been promoted to first choice centreback. Luckily Eura's attacking options overwhelmed the Queendom. A third goal in three games for Bond, a headed beauty from Charles Roberts and an Anthony Townsend free kick gave Eura three goals, and then Liam Armstrong stabbed home from close range to win it.

Eura 6–2 Togonistan
Visitors Togonistan had to endure a torrid start in Bastion when they conceded after just three minutes, cut to pieces by Eura's ruthless attacking play before Rhys Griffiths stroked home an easy finish. Moira Woakes piled on the pain with a second ten minutes later, and then Bond had another, a memorable lateral volley from just inside the box after the away team failed to effectively clear a corner. Eura let in a goal subsequently and another just after half time only to put the contest to be when Bond scored his second, again from the penalty spot. Dion Underwood then came off the bench to add a fifth - a classic counterattack opportunity he has scored from so many times - and put himself into the coveted club of Eurans who have scored 100 international goals. Fellow substitute Oscar Coltrane then made it six with a late tap in.

Noooooooooooo 1–4 Eura
The most amusingly named team in the group found themselves comprehensively outmatched by Eura who played a rotated side. Underwood found the net again early before John Fletcher and Damion Bowman added further goals. A consolation goal for the home team was an irritation, but compensated for somewhat by a stunning fourth off the bench for Morgan Fox, drilled home from all of 25 yards.

Eura 5–0 Andromeda Island Group
In a surprising move Michael Brandon chose to field a relatively strong team against the unranked Andromeda Island Group, a move that paid dividends. Bond racked up a brace in the early stages, then Townsend was was on the scoresheet again, and close to half time Bond completed his hattrick with a powerful shot past Rachel Medrano. The game was effectively over from there as a contest. Eura subsequently lowered the intensity and easily held possession for much of the second half. There was still time for a fifth, finished clinically by Frank Bevan.

Gor Kebab 0–6 Eura
By this stage of qualifying it was becoming obvious that a collapse on the scale of the last tournament's qualifying cycle was not on the cards. This clarity was reinforced by Eura's crushing victory over Gor Kebab. A second string Euran team dominated the home side from start to finish. John Fletcher, Dion Underwood, Morgan Fox and Freddie Wright all got on the scoresheet, but the memorable contribution came from Damion Bowman who scored two sublime solo efforts either side of half time.

Eura 2–2 Reçueçn
Seven wins on the trot had pumped up Eura's confidence. At some point they would have to be brought back down to earth. Recuecn are one of the most promising sides in international football. It was only recently that they pushed Eura hard in a World Cup 83 group game, losing narrowly 4-3. They traveled to Eura with the intention of getting at least a point and did so thanks to goals by defender Oliver Spencer and a stunning solo effort from new Marketville signing Per Tegeler, whipped around Belgrave from a narrow angle outside the box. Luckily for Eura they were able to avert defeat despite an underwhelming performance. Bond, of course, supplied the first goal, but an equaliser came from an unlikely source - Harvey Blake, who leapt like a salmon to reach and head in Townsend's late free kick.

Beepee 1–3 Eura
Eura's winning run was resumed against Beepee, although only after Michael Brandon was left infuriated by his side going behind early to a disputed penalty. Scott Coles saw red for the first time in his international career. However Eura overcame the limitations of being down to ten men to win thanks to goals from Armstrong, Bond and Woakes.

Eura 4–3 Mkabia
This narrow win was marred by a nasty injury to Freddie Wright in the second half, leading to an unprecedented fifteen minutes of stoppage time. Wright had opened the scoring earlier, followed by Bowman and Fox. Mamadouba Diawara's long range shot had kept Mkabia in it, until the Leopard's were able to bring themselves level via Issa Aduama's boot. Eura avoided a shock thanks to an unusual phenomenon, that of a first touch on debut goal. Tommy Sutton was the lucky scorer, bundling in an Oscar Coltrane free kick and celebrating jubilantly.

Eura 5–0 Geisenfried
The second half of qualifying began with a bang as Eura blew away Geisenfried in the return tie. Bond put away his second hattrick of qualifying as he continued to demonstrate that he is, at least, in the conversation for title of best striker in the multiverse. Woakes scored a surreal goal, slicing in from range with what was clearly meant to be a cross field switch that the Geisenfried goalkeeper completely misjudged. The fifth goal was scored by the ever consistent Underwood, still thriving even in his backup role, zipping past two defenders to chip the goalkeeper and complete the rout.

Damukuni 0–1 Eura
Damukuni were once again hard to beat but this time Eura were on top throughout the game. Eventually the pressure told in a game of few chances, Monica Rowland once again providing a decisive breakthrough with a glanced header from Townsend's corner.

Eura 1–0 Tornado Queendom
As in the last game, Eura had relatively few chances against Tornado Queendom, perhaps slowing down to preserve the fitness of their players during a grueling mid-season schedule. The visitors offered very little going forward and were beaten in the end by a tidy Rhys Griffiths finish after he was put through on goal by Coles marvelous through ball.

Togonistan 0–3 Eura
Oscar Coltrane might not start many games for Eura now, yet when he does he adds an undeniable X-factor to Eura's creative ability. He assisted the first two goals in this match, providing Underwood an easy finish for the first with a delightful through ball, before setting up Bond for the second after dribbling past two defenders and unselfishly cutting the ball across the keeper for Bond to tap in. He then scored the third himself, lifting the ball over two sprawling defenders to finish off a move that Armstrong should have scored himself, only to hit the post moments before.

Eura 3–1 Noooooooooooo
Liam Armstrong made up for his miss ahead of the third goal in the last game by giving Eura the lead here, converting Rowland's innocuous pass at the edge of the box into a ripping top right hand corner belter. Griffiths then stuck again, and although Nooo...you get the picture, the away side got a goal back, Eura were able to hold on without much further difficulty. Damion Bowman continued to impress and added yet another goal to ensure victory late on.

Andromeda Island Group 1–2 Eura
This opponent offered a much sterner challenge than they had in the home tie, stifling Eura's hold on possession and opportunities to create chances in the first half. Unfortunately for them Abby Salliewhite's indiscipline and resulting red card for a second yellow in the 57th minute cost them dearly. Bond opened the scoring a minute later, scoring a simple header from Griffiths cross. Bond scored again late on to seal it - a 41st international goal in only his 50th cap.

Eura 5–0 Gor Kebab
It wasn't quite the 6-0 of the corresponding fixture. Nevertheless, Eura saw off Gor Kebab with little struggle. Bond scored the opener - again! - which calmed any nerves. Qualification was now in the bag. John Fletcher scored two goals with his head, Woakes added another, and Fox added a fifth.

Reçueçn 1–1 Eura
Like the previous match Recuecn were a formidable opponent for Eura and they will be proud to have been the only team to avoid double defeat against Eura, let alone avoid defeat at all. This match was fascinating from a defensive perspective as both sides put in the best shift they could, however it presented few chances. To their mutual frustration, both teams scored their only shot on target. Woakes gave Eura the lead with a deflected effort, and then Franky Adams equalised with a deflected shot of their own. Both team's bad luck cancelled each other out.

Eura 6–2 Beepee
In the final home game of qualifying Eura were on top form against Beepee, Bond and Underwood both scoring twice, before Fletcher and Griffiths wrapped up.

Mkabia 2–3 Eura
In the final game Eura rotated their side comprehensively with qualification already secured. Freddie Wright was unimpressive on his return from injury, but given how bad it had been most were just glad to see him back on the pitch for Eura after he'd been reluctant to come back to the fold, focusing on domestic football since recovering months earlier. Fletcher, Fox and Coltrane made sure there were no slip ups as Eura ended qualifying with yet another win.

Final Qualifying Group 13 Table

Group 13                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Eura                             20   18   2   0    67   19  +48    56
 2 Reçueçn                          20   10   6   4    26   17   +9    36
 3 Damukuni                         20   10   4   6    43   31  +12    34
 4 Noooooooooooo                    20    7   6   7    34   37   −3    27
 5 Tornado Queendom                 20    8   3   9    34   33   +1    27
 6 Beepee                           20    6   6   8    27   32   −5    24
 7 Andromeda Island Group           20    6   6   8    39   46   −7    24
 8 Gor Kebab                        20    7   3  10    21   36  −15    24
 9 Togonistan                       20    6   5   9    21   29   −8    23
10 Geisenfried                      20    6   3  11    22   36  −14    21
11 Mkabia                           20    2   4  14    27   45  −18    10

[Siovanija and Teusland]

Nationalstadion, Stelburg

Gathered in the media room of the Nationalstadion sat perhaps the largest domestic press contingent ever for the national football team. Today was a true historic moment. This room had seen squad announcements for World Cup Qualifiers, the Cup of Harmony, and the AOCAF, but never the World Cup Finals. The Goldhorns had done it, after a 20 match campaign. They had made history: qualifying for the World Cup. There had been celebrations across the country after that, the whole nation riding a sporting high: the hockey team finishing 4th at the World Cup of Hockey, and now the Goldhorns going to the World Cup for the first time ever.

Sitting at the big table was STFA Chairman Paul Blocher, flanked by national team manager Gavin Hughes, captain Raphael Klopfer, and star players Thorsten Kramer, Michael Ribbeck and Todor Mihailov. The four were in their training attire; there would be an open session after the squad announcement. The cameras began to roll.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Nationalstadion. We are all so proud of our Goldhorns, and what they’ve achieved, and the 5 people beside me here are the ones you can thank for that. Today, we’re announcing the 23 players that we’re going to be taking to Baker Park for the tournament. I hand it off to Gavin,” said Paul Blocher.

“Thanks Paul,” replied the manager. “Firstly, I just want to say that all 35 players on our longlist worked exceptionally hard and truly deserve a spot on this team, ideally we could bring all of them. You saw the future begin with Lojze Kokalj making his debut, and also history like Trude Spitz becoming the first female capped by the senior national team. It has been a qualification campaign we will look back on fondly. Today, however, we turn to the next chapter in that goal. It’s our first World Cup, and we are going to go out, work hard, and do our best to go as far as we can.” Hughes took a sip of water, and consulted the piece of paper before him with the 23 man squad.

“In goal, Ewald Heuser, Yanko Zhelyaskov and Anatoli Sveteikov.” No surprises there, Heuser had been the best in Qualifiers and Zhelyaskov and Sveteikov had also shown quality.

“At left back, Edgar Steimle and Lyubomir Dimitrov. At centre back, Raphael Klopfer, Karl-Heinz Jager, Kasper Martz and Niels Kronthaler. Then at right back, Pierre-Louis Lotbiniere and Thorsten Helmke.” Again, very much the expected selection. There had been some calls for the 36-year old Lutz Daschner to be selected as a thanks to his service for the team over the years, but the player himself came out and said he felt it was time for a new generation.

“Central midfield, Thorsten Kramer, Todor Mihailov, Dennis Brotzmann. At left wing, Mario Kogler and Paulus Leistner. At number 10, Viktor Dimitrov and Kurt Witzel, and on right wing, Ivo Romanov and Lukas Tauscher.” The click of cameras focused on Kramer and Mihailov, seated beside each other.

“And, of course, up top, we’re going with Michael Ribbeck, Krasimir Kynev and Ludwig Reichwein. We are so proud of all 23 of these players, and we’re excited to get to work here.”

The cameras continued to click, and the questions began to roll in. What were the strengths of the squad, what about the weaknesses, is there enough experience in the fullback positions, and on and on and on. Then, the questions turned to the players, and their thoughts on the upcoming tournament.

“Raphael, the group draw sees us taking on Vilita. Obviously we’ve some experience with Vilita and Turori, but what are your thoughts on this match-up?”

“I think on one hand, the players on their squad that were involved in the Vilita & Turori team will surely be wanting to beat us, and we might have a little bit of extra confidence going in, but obviously this is going to be the toughest match of the group stage for us. We don’t approach it in any other way, other than knowing we’ll have to be at our best,” commented the captain.

“Michael, it’s a rematch against Sargossa to kick off the campaign. We last faced them in World Cup 81 Qualifiers, losing 5-2 at home but taking a 3-2 win on the road. Is it fair to say you’ll be wanting to set the tone for the tournament early here?”

“I think so, we do our best work in the first half often, you saw that in Qualifiers. There’ll be a little more nerves, obviously, no one here has been on a stage like the World Cup before but we’re a team that does well under that pressure overall, we all fight for each other and we’re hoping you’ll see that against Sargossa.”

“Thorsten, first of all, you’ve become the first ever player from Siovanija & Teusland to win the IFCF Champion’s League or its predecessor, the UICA Champion’s Cup, with 1830 Cathair. Can you explain the feeling?”

“Unbelievable. That winning feeling is just… crazy, you know? It’s hard to put into words.”

“What can you take from that winning campaign to use, perhaps in motivation for the national team here?”

“Oh, well for sure, that was something special we achieved, and just the mentality of our team overall. We have to build something like that here with the national team, we’ve all played together for years, and we want to do this together. There isn’t that much pressure on us, we have to realize that, and go out and play the best football of our lives.”

“On matchday 3, you’ll be facing an Audioslavia squad that contains 5 of your 1830 Cathair teammates. Is it fair to say this will be a must-win game for the Goldhorns?”

“I mean, let’s see how the first two go before we talk about that. But overall, yes, that’s looking to be an important fixture for sure. We’ve never faced the Bulls internationally before, of course, but we’re going to have to find a way to win.”

“Thorsten, last question, is it fair to say you had the most interesting summer of all the players involved in this squad?”

“Haha, well, not much can compete with winning the biggest trophy in club football! I’ve heard that Edgar had a pretty good fishing trip up near Rotmunde though, you should ask him about that one,” said Kramer through laughter.

The press conference concluded, a 1-hour open training session for fans and media followed. 2 weeks later, the team would be at the Nationalstadion again, in suits with the STFA crest embroidered and wearing the national cap with an edelweiss affixed to take the official team photograph before jetting off to Baker Park.

The preparations for Sargossa concluded, there was nothing left to do but take a step into history by stepping out at Queen Victoria Stadium for a first-ever World Cup Finals match.

[Recuecn]

Back-to-back qualification for the world cup meant it was time for some celebration. The boisterous, champagne-infused parties that the team had had were over, and the nations fans were entering that lull between the qualifiers and the world cup itself, although the fact that it had taken Reçueçn until the last day to earn its spot meant that there was hardly time to think about anything else before the tournament began. But this quiet weekend, somehow Tremblay had decided (surely someone had convinced him, but no one was quite sure who could have possibly pulled that off) to host another, slightly more calm party at his own place. He'd invited his own personal friends, but also many of his acquaintances from the footballing world, and the little get-together was a real who's who of Reçuecian football. No one wanted to turn down an invitation from Tremblay.

Jean-Luc Lassalle was there, the minister of sport himself, and Jeanne Chartray, the ministry's representative in the RNFA, had come with him. They'd brought along Émile Rougemont, the one who'd brought them together in the first place so that by their powers combined they could reestablish football in Reçueçn--that was so many years ago now, but at the same time it felt like just yesterday. A couple other RNFA reps had been invited as well, Bill LaVoyard for one, as well as Maynard Hebron, who was the amateur football representative now.

Gerauld Firaut was there of course, as Tremblay's team captain, and he'd brought his whole family; his wife Samantha and their baby Rebecca, now three years old. Gerauld had had a certain faith that any party thrown by Tremblay would be safe enough for his toddler, and that proved to be the case as she wandered around the room, mostly unsupervised.

A handful of Firaut's teammates were also there, of course... Heissler and Klemm and Tegeler and Leclair. Some others were around somewhere as well, as the sound of excited conversation from the other rooms of the house attested.

Some Édith Piaf songs were playing faintly in the background, and Tremblay had ensconced himself in a high-backed armchair as if he was a king on his throne, presiding over his court. A few of his other friends his age were sitting around with him, although they were seated on slightly less imposing furniture. They were sipping an aperitif and chatting idly about sports and politics alternately. They seemed equally passionate about both, but it was hard to have a truly animated conversation in such a relaxed state, and plus, all the conversants were at least seventy years old.

Tremblay's wife was there as well, but on her feet, and this more active position was allowing her to lead a highly philosophical conversation on foreign policy with Rougemont, who kept dropping back into a more practical perspective on things to bemoan the deadlock in the ministry. For some reason, at the moment it was hard for him to think of foreign affairs as anything more than his day job, and he was finding himself thoroughly philosophically outclassed by Mrs. Tremblay.

He said as much to her, and her only response was "Please, I never took Jacques' name. Call me Ms. Bisset."

Per Tegeler caught only this snippet of the conversation and rushed over. "Excuse me, Ms. Bisset? Are you married to the coach?"

Bisset (her first name was Gracelle) smiled, amused. "I am. And it may make you laugh but even I call him 'coach' sometimes. Although mostly only when I'm scolding him."

Tegeler was agape. He turned to Rougemont. "You have to understand," he said. "I'm shocked here. I'm not sure anyone on the team knows Tremblay is even married." Per seemed to realize this might not be a nice revelation for Gracelle. "Sorry, I mean, uh... we don't know much about his personal life at all, I guess."

"When you've been married to someone as long as we have, you start to assume everyone already knows about your partner and you forget to mention them," said Ms. Bisset. She seemed to find Per's reaction droll.

Glad to find he hadn't accidentally offended his coach's wife, Tegeler's mind returned to the shocking discovery he had just made. "Excuse me, I gotta tell the others. This will blow their minds. What's next, Tremblay has a secret identity as a detective?" He hurried off to his teammates, almost knocking over little Rebecca Firaut, who toddled past in front of him.

Hebron reached down to catch her just in time and set her back on her feet. She looked around, surprised first to have fallen and then surprised not to have anything to cry about--which was a bit upsetting to her somehow. Her eyes began to water, but Maynard crouched down on his heels to avert a catastrophe.

"Heyyyy, how's it goin,' Beccles? Nothing's wrong, you don't need to be sad."

Rebecca looked up at him, a bit incredulous, as if he were lying to her and she were supposed to be crying. Hebron picked her up and wiped away the moistness from here eyes. "Let's see if we can't find something for you." He carried her out through the sliding door onto the balcony where Jean-Luc Lassalle was standing over a smoking grill, wearing an apron and manipulating a spatula with zeal. He lifted the grill's lid and a cloud of smoke came out, along with the tantalizing scent of perfectly cooked burgers.

"Want another one, Maynard?" called Jean-Luc.

"I'm good, but I think Beccles here is ready for some good eats. Do you have one that's not so piping hot?"

"Sure thing! Do you like cheese on your burgers, Rebecca?"

"Yes, please," she said.

"So polite!" Lassalle slapped a thick slice of Reçuecian cheese on top of the burger and topping it with tomato and lettuce, handed it to Rebecca. "Bon appetit!"

"Merci," Rebecca answered.

Back inside, Samantha Firaut watched Rebecca's adventures out of the corner of her eye as she listened to the conversation between Gerauld and Jeanne Chartray. As team captain, Gerauld represented the RNFT in the RNFA, so he and Jeanne had spent a lot of long meetings together. They and Hebron probably dropped the average age in the room by half when they sat on the RNFA executive board. They had found the only way to survive some of those meetings was discreetly playing Scrabble against each other on their phones. The three of them had the air of co-conspirators that one finds among younger colleagues who find themselves the only ones of their age group at their workplace. Samantha had told Gerauld he should have the other two over for a dinner party of their own sometime, and he and Jeanne were trying to find a good time.

"It seems like there's not really a way to make this happen before the world cup starts," Jeanne was saying. "It's keeping both of us thoroughly too busy."

"Hmm, you're probably right," Gerauld ruefully admitted. "You're sure you can't do Tuesdays before Rebecca's bedtime?"

"Gerauld, give it up," scolded Samantha. "No one has ever been able to 'do a Tuesday', ever."

"But Tuesdays are perfect!" Gerauld had been ready to cede that another dinner party before the world cup might be impossible, but he would never be willing to give up on Tuesdays. "It's not Monday, but it's also not the weekend, so people have energy but no plans. It's like Tuesdays were invented for dinner parties."

Samantha shook her head and turned to Jeanne. "He's a professional athlete, so he forgets that people have day jobs and can't cook a three-course meal on a Tuesday."

"Oh come on," said Gerauld.

Suddenly, the noise from the other room grew louder and in burst Franky Adams and Emanuele Cutrona. No one was surprised to see them except Gerauld.

"Franky!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here! I thought this was supposed to be a quiet, laid-back soiree."

"What, and I can't be laid-back?" asked Franky, grinning.

"No, with you it's always a party to the max," said Gerauld, as if accusing his teammate of war crimes.

"He has a point," said Emanuele.

Franky spotted the bottle of aperitif on the coffee table where Tremblay and his friends were sitting. "Hang on, I'll be right back," he said. He poured himself a tumbler of the liqueur and tossed it back like a shot, than began coughing violently.

"How can you guys handle this stuff?" he asked Tremblay between coughs. "It's stronger than hand lotion!" He was still coughing. "Good, though."

"You're supposed to sip it, Franky," said Tremblay, demonstrating. "It's high quality stuff."

"Sorry, I guess I'm not used to such quality," said Franky, as his coughing fit finally subsided. He sidled back over to Gerauld. "I can't believe those geezers are still sober," he said.

"Maybe barely," said Jeanne. "But you'd never be able to tell."

"You've only been in here a minute, and you're already causing trouble," chuckled Gerauld. "So much for my relaxing evening."

"Well, you've got me to thank for this relaxing evening," said Franky. "Who else would ever convince coach to throw a party in his own house?"

"What, you!? How could you ever pull that off!?"

Franky winked. "I have my ways. You can also thank me that Relié isn't here tonight. I made sure it was scheduled for when he was out of town."

"Thank you," said everyone at once.

"God, thank you," said Emanuele.

"Thank you so much," said Jeanne.

[Free Republics]

Senator Samuel Izmailov Speech
Senate Floor, Republica

Mr. President, I rise today to discuss the circus that is about to come to town. No, I am not talking about the McGriff Brothers Circus, which will be in Republica next weekend. Instead, I rise today to discuss the outrageous impeachment circus. Now, I've been critical of Consul Bolton at times and we certainly have our political disagreements but the man has not done anything to justify impeachment. This trial, which will begin next week, is an outrage every bit as outrageous as the new law in South Covello that makes it perfectly legal to assault people with pies over political disagreements. However, we are not a lawless shithole like South Covello. We are the Federation of Free Republics. We are supposed to be Great, not an international laughing stock. What's next? Are we going to legalize assassinating our leaders like South Covello did? Let's not forget the martyrs like Carter Redwin who died at the hands of the international anarchist conspiracy.

This impeachment of Kyle Bolton, regardless of what you think about Consul Bolton, is an attack on the authority of the consuls of the Free Republics. This impeachment undermines the ability of the consuls to govern, to guide our Federation. While I do not believe in the ability of Kyle Bolton or Scarlett Nicholls to guide our Federation toward Greatness, I respect the authority of their office because the Free Republics, like all nations, needs strong leadership. We need leaders to make policy decisions and pass laws so that we can have purpose in our lives. A life without order is a wasted life without purpose.

Now, let's examine the articles of impeachment. First of all, Kyle Bolton is accused of making sexual advances towards a number of women. Yes, he is a married man but we are Republicans afterall. How many married men in this country do not cheat on their wives? How many of our young people do not sleep around? Kyle Bolton is also accused of drinking alot of alcohol. In other words, he's accused of being a typical Republican man. I don't see how any of this amounts to an impeachable offense.

Now, the question is why such stupid articles of impeachment would have made it out of the Assembly. The answer is obvious: This is a political hit job by Common Good, which is the latest mask worn by the Holy Party. Yes, the same Holy Party that stole the election from me 15 years ago! They've rebranded themselves the Salvation Circle, bought Malifornia and ruined that Republic. Now, they call themselves Common Good and pretend to be a "secular" party. They are nothing of the sort! Just watch Sister Polus's Thoughts on the WOLF News Channel and see how enthusiastically Sister Polus supports them. Now, I do not advocate assaulting Sister Polus but that woman is a zealot who has connections straight to the leadership of the Church of Saintland. Everything she says and does is guided from St. Petrus.

Now, I have uncovered evidence regarding why Sister Polus and the Church of Saintland want Consul Bolton out of office. I have uncovered evidence that Sister Polus attempted to bribe Kyle Bolton and he refused her bribes. I will be providing this evidence to the press tonight. I now yield back the balance of my time.

---

Sporting World

World Cup 84 Preview
By: Rachelle Rocher

World Cup 84 will soon be upon us. After an 18-1-1 run through qualifying, the Free Republics will finally be playing full strength lineups. Only Vilita and Eura can say that they've won as many World Cup Qualifying games this year as Soccer General Rule Theriault's troops which will march into Baker Park looking to get out of the group stage for the first time since 3 years ago. For the 5th time in the last 6 World Cups, the Republicans are playing in a host group and we've only hosted 1 out of those 5 World Cups! Expectations are sky high for this team going into the World Cup but rather than talk about them, I'm going to talk about their opponents.

Nephara: The Nepharim were the World Cup champions a decade ago but have failed to advance out of the group stage in the past 2 World Cups and have now fallen to 18th in the rankings. In qualifying, they went 16-2-2. That includes a draw and a loss to 8th place BOLGANO plus a draw against Lochario and a loss to Squornshelous. None of those teams are playing in the World Cup but Squornshelous and BOLGANO are both playing in the Cup of Harmony right now. The Free Republics used to play them all the time back in the day but we haven't played them in a WCC sanctioned match since the opening match of the World Cup 68 group stage, which was a 1-1 draw. Like Soccer General Theriault's troops, they have something to prove this year.

Baker Park: The hosts are now ranked #10. Who knew? This is their fifth consecutive World Cup and the first time ever that they didn't qualify for the World Cup. That's because they didn't have to! Runners up at the BoF 4 years ago, they have experienced Round of 16 exits three years in a row. 2 years ago, they met the Republicans in the opener and drew 2-2. At home and coming off of 3 Round of 16 exits in a row, they will be looking to not only advance but make a deep run on their home soil.

Drawkland: They're ranked 34th and are back in the World Cup after a 3 year absence. They did it with a 3-2 win over Yttribia on the final day and a 2-2 draw in the Farfadillis-Pasarga match that knocked Pasarga out of the World Cup. While our last WCC meetings with them were in the group stage 4 years ago, where we split a pair of 3-2 matches, the most famous match between the Free Republics and Drawkland was the Independents Cup final 4 years ago where we beat them 3 goals to 1 to win the tournament. The most recent meeting was this year's Independents Cup quarterfinals where they knocked out Soccer General Theriault's side 4 goals to 2. While the FFR will be heavily favored in this match, you just can't write off Drawkland stealing one from us again.

Rachelle Rocher is Sporting World's new international soccer correspondent. Rachelle is a recent graduate of Petrograd Republic University and was a high school soccer star for Petrograd Christian. After tearing both of her ACLs in a game during her freshman year at Petrograd Republic, she realized she'd never be the same player again. Realizing that she would have to give up her dreams of becoming a professional player, Rachelle became the chief soccer correspondent for the Petrograd Republic Chronicles, the official newspaper of the university. Her coverage of Petrograd Republic, Petrograd Christian and Petrograd United matches brought her to the attention of Nova Hellstrom-Hancock, who recommended her to Sporting World's new editor Gloria Trentini.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

The Knights of the Oblong Table In....

THE QUEST FOR THE HOLY GRAIL
of... erm.... we haven't quite worked that one out yet

"And thus the Holy Grail of World Cup Qualification is ours...."

"Our quest is at an end!"

"Thanks be to God!"

<knights kneel down in prayer>

"Errr.... what are you all doing?"

"Lord Tzimisces, do not mock us - we kneel in prayer to give thanks that our quest is at an end. The Grail of World Cup Qualification is ours!"

"Yes, yes; that's fine, Sir Barsanuphius; but now we have to play in the World Cup"

"The.... what?"

"The World Cup - the finest and oldest sporting trophy in this multiverse"

"So..... the Holy Grail of World Cup Qualification was not an end in and of itself?"

"Oh look, it was a fine enough goal - no pun intended - and finishing top of the group (just) was commendable. And no doubt evil was slain, maidens were saved from fates worse than death, virtue was its own reward, and those who were sufficiently pure of heart have achieved their quest, and so on. But no, that wasn't the end of things."

"But what now, my lord? What could be greater than achieving the Holy Grail of World Cup Qualification?"

"Well, winning the World Cup."

"This World Cup.... it sounds.... Grail-shaped."

"It could be. If you squint a bit"

"Must we travel to foreign lands to find it?"

"Oh yes; Baker Park. We kick off at Newport City against Reçueçn"

"Reh-soo-eh-sn, you say..."

"That's right."

"I have heard of this place; their children are born of pregnant hamsters, the menfolk - whose unholy lusts lead them to engage in acts of bestial perversion with rodents of the subfamily Cricetinae - bathe in elderberry juice, the people of this land are fond of taunting the less fortunate, and their national football team ride unicorns while wearing the bizarre colours of harlequins and jesters"

"Well, the last part of that is just about right"

"They are then worthy foes for the Knights of the Oblong Table! We shall challenge them to a joust! These unicorn-riding harlequins shall not stand in our way! The field of Newport City shall run red with the blood of the elderberry-smelling, hamster-loving men of Reçueçn! And soon this World Cup Grail, which is even better than the Holy Grail of World Cup Qualification shall be ours!"

"Or you could just play them at football."

"Football?"

"You know, like we did in World Cup Qualification."

"No jousting?"

"No"

"No Unicorns?"

"Only figuratively"

"Not even a little bit of blood?"

"Not if it results from an intent to cause bodily harm."

"I see, Lord Tzimisces; the way is hard indeed, but we Knights of the Oblong Table are not ones to shirk our duty - we shall set out forthwith on the latest stage of our quest!"

"Good. Because if you think this match is tough, just wait until you see what they have lined up for us in Matchday 2; speaking of which, Simeone and I need to have a little chat...."

[Darmen]

[Vilita]

Alright so you guys seemed to like the name change so we're back once again for a little more Recycle Time!

With all the excitement over the idea of Scorigami's we started taking a look last time out at our own version that we just made up on the spot, a goal-a-gami. That is - regardless of how many goals your opponent scores, it is the match where your team scored a certain amount of goals for the first time in their history.

Naturally it makes sense that Vilita would have checked off a few levels on the goal-a-gami scale in their very first World Cup campaign. However they didn't have many chances to do it considering Helmut Vilkaous' Jungle Cats only even managed to score in 4 out of 18 Qualification Games. After starting the campaign with seven consecutive matches where they failed to score a single goal, it was the match day 8 game against Compound Interest that finally saw Vilitan legend Callum Banda score the first ever goal for the Vilitan National Team. Captain Santo Kecker scored the game winner later on to notch Vilita up two levels on the goal-a-gami scale.

From there the Jungle Cats would go ten matches without raising a level - twice scoring once and seven times being shutout once more before coming to life on the final match day against Aserjin with a massive 4-2 result that doubled their all time goal scoring output in just a single match. It also notched the Jungle Cats up a further two levels on the goal-a-gami scale.

With their first World Cup Qualifying campaign behind them, the Vilitan National Team had reached level 4 on their World Cup Goal-a-gami scale.

There was a lot of excitement surrounding Vilita's second World Cup Qualification campaign and they performed much better scoring a total of 25 goals over 18 matches, increasing their overall goal output from an average of just 0.44 goals per game during World Cup 13 Qualifying to 1.4 goals per game during World Cup 14 Qualifying. However, it was a balanced campaign for the Jungle Cats as they never broke the 4 goal mark in a single match and as a result didn't progress any additional levels on their goal a gami scale. In fact, after scoring in 12 of their opening 14 matches the Vilitans were shutout in four straight games by Rejistania, Squornshelous, Tanah Burung and Iansisle.

The future was bright for Vilita however and Helmut Vilkaous rallied his team to an outstanding run during their first ever Cup of Harmony, defeating Jereuselem 4-2 in the Final with goals from Callum Banda (2), Jonathon Stott and Santo Kecker to claim the nations first ever major internationstatal Silverware. They would improve their overall goals output further during World Cup 15 Qualifiers with 28 goals and performed well enough to advance to the World Cup Finals for the first time. But they could not advance any higher on the goal-a-gami scale having only been able to match their four goal output once during the campaign. It was the same story during World Cup 15 Qualifying - one of the shortest qualifying campaigns with just 10 match days but Vilita could not find a way to score more than 4 goals in a single match.

While Vilitan sides had found a way to score prolifically at the Under-21 and Regional levels, when it came to the World Cup it seemed the cup was 4. Every Cup they entered they scored four goals at least once, but never more. During World Cup 17 it was a stunning 4-1 Round of 16 triumph over Spaam. World Cup 18 Qualifying started in familiar fashion with a 4-1 victory over Somalialand. Then, Finally, it happened.

Vilita [6] - [4] Lykaia

The venue was the Lykaia National Stadium in Lykaia City, Lykaia. The starting lineup for Vilita read as a who's who have legendary Vilitan players. In goal was then youngster Jimmy Kater - my own Grandfolk who honestly didn't have a great day as they would concede four goals to the dirty Lykaians who it seemed nobody really liked that much. Callum Banda actually started the game on the bench for Vilita and for the first time would not contribute to a record scoreline for the Vilitan National Team. Banda had been replaced in the lineup by Germán Salomón. Their opponents, Lykaia, had made a name for themselves by famously dismantling Spaam during World Cup 16 in a group that many point to as the downfall of the Spaamian state. Lykaia were looking to claim another prized victory when they scored early but Vilita would respond after earning a comical corner kick as it was Germán Salomón who sweeped home the corner kick delivery from Santo Kecker.

It was just a sign of things to come in what would be one of the most exciting matches of early World Cup history. Lykaia would take a 2-1 lead before Maura Baraza would tap home a rebound to pull Vilita level once more. Then the Jungle Cats would take the lead through Salomón who poked the ball out of a mess of defenders and into the back of the net giving Vilita a 3-2 lead at the half.

A bad day got worse for Lykaia's Oleg Yvchevsky who was booked by the Big Pimentan referee Pillipe de la Cocoterie and immediately removed from the field via substitute by the Lykaia coaching staff. Just minutes later Lykaia were down to ten men after Vilitan youngster Teariki Mane was kicked in the face by Lykaia's Bacardi Boroshevz. After the dust settled, Santo Kecker delivered the resulting free kick and found Mauro Baraza who put home their second goal of the game and Vilita's fourth. It mean that Vilita had just over 30 minutes to score just one goal. If they could do that, they would advance a notch on the goal-a-gami scale for the first time in five World Cup cycles.

Vilita had already used all of their subs however so with Mane receiving treatment on the sideline, both teams proceeded with ten players on the pitch. The home side took their energy and converted it into goals, scoring twice in the space of ten minutes to level the scores at 4-4. Probably not the proudest moment in the Kater family legacy. But at least Vilita didn't lose.

Germán Salomón completed their hattrick to put the Jungle Cats in the lead once more and he seemed to know what he had just accomplished for his team as he wheeled away with not 3 but 5 fingers held in the air. Salomóns accomplishment wouldn't go down in the history books though as towering defender Enzo Ahat headed in a Santo Kecker delivered Corner Kick to slide Vilita up immediately to Level 6 by the time the full time whistle blew.

Goal-a-Gami Scale :: Vilitan National Team :: Raising the Bar for Goals Scored

It took five cycles from their debut campaign but the Vilitan National Team had finally broken the four-goal curse that had followed them around the World Cup. And just as they had done the first time they ever scored in a World Cup match, and the first time they scored more than 2 goals in a World Cup match, they couldn't just improve their best ever performance by a single goal. No, they had to raise the bar by two. From 0 to 2. From 2 to 4. From 4 to 6. The earlier Vilitan teams like those my ancestors played may not have raised the bar that often but when they did, they made sure there was no doubt about it by setting a new mark and then raising themselves once more on the day.

It would also be the first time the Vilitan National Team would ever set a new all-time record for goals scored in a single match while on the road. I know. How rude. When Lykaia came to the Tivali Ring Stadium on Matchday 13, the Jungle Cats only scored 3 goals and were held to a draw. They could have saved the six goal performance for then to make the home crowd happier. But then perhaps it wouldn't have been a record? Foreshadowing. Wink Wink.

One final random factoid before we close the lid on Recycle Time for today, Vilita's 6-4 victory over Lykaia was also just the second time in the history of the World Cup that a match ended with a 6-4 scoreline. So not only was it the first time Vilita had ever reached the 6-goal plateau in a World Cup match - a goal-a-gami for the Jungle Cats, but it was very nearly an all time Scorigami as well. Maybe Vilita would get another chance at a scorigami. Maybe it won't take them another 5 cycles to break through to a new level on the goal-a-gami scale. Maybe we'll find out next time. Recycle Time out.

Part 1: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=475859&p=36553641
Part 2: viewtopic.php?p=36557421#p36557421
Part 3:

[Cassadaigua]

So what do you say?
Let's start it up in Groups E-H!

Cutoff time is here!

And now so are the scores

[Valanora]

Time, time was a delicate thing that had to be balanced in so many ways that the fates themselves must have had to move worlds to keep time aligned. What was time to the immortal though, to the deity, to those for whom time kept coming ever after, for eon upon eon? For whom did the bell then toll for thee, if time was not a thing that was on your side nor against you, but you merely existed inside of it and outside of its constraints? For some, they would say that it had been fourteen years since the Marauders first entered into the World Cup, others would have said one hundred and ten, while others still would protest tooth and nail that it had been nearly two and a half centuries since the team first entered into the sports' most prestigious and sought after trophy. Whom was right? Were all right or were none of them right? Time is supposed to be concise and have its measurements never questioned, yet this simple truth can not be made certain in what should be something very easy and simple to answer; for how long has it been that the Marauders have partook in the world's grandest stage in its most finest of games?

Time after time the Marauders have taken to the pitch, for more matches than anyone has right to even begin to try and figure out. Whatever the result, the squad pressed on, be it through jubliance gained from emerging victorious, a bittersweet but not cruel taste of a draw that showed the squad could get better, or the awful feeling of a defeat that seemed like a sucker punch each and every time it happened. To expect perfection and that feeling of glee and joy from every single match would to be expecting the impossible and setting ones own self up for failure as well as the bitter taste of disappointment, for not person or team has ever been perfect. That is not to say that isolated moments of perfection can not transpire, for we all know that is far from the case with minor examples as easy as a striker putting in a perfect touch on a ball to score or goal or the very rare times when a team has been completely perfect throughout a tournament. It is a feat only done a handful of times, with the Marauders having been one of those occurrences. Yet even then, it was isolated in a moment, a moment that last two years but was done still before another two years had transpired.

Time was what the team had in their travel to Cassadaigua, getting the travel from Atlantian Ocenia to Rushmore, a journey that never did seem to take as short of time as one might have liked nor as long as it could have been to get a long rest in between. Time again playing its tricks on those who had to exist within its confines, leaving at one time in one place and yet despite hours of travel, could manage to arrive at the same time in their destination. If form was a fleeting mistress, then time was a mistress for whom no one could master and would be left wanting throughout their existence, ever on the outside and left to wonder your fate. All one would ever have is the moment before them, to make the most of it as they would, and to hope that in their time of living that they would be and do things worth being remembered for once their time had come to pass. Even the elves knew that their time would come and go, though they would not expire as their humanoid cousins, being outside time's lingering grasp, but their moment at the apex of the world and civilization had come and gone.

Hawk knew that this was the moment then, to make the most of that space that had been given to he and those who wore that Marauders' kit so proudly onto the field. They might have not said as much yet but the signs were all over their faces and body language, va Drake and Soldarian were going to be like Fresco and leaving the game sooner rather than later. It seemed that only he still had the drive left to continue to pursue that goal, his inescapable but never able to be accomplished goal of obtaining perfection. He knew that one day he would tire entirely of that pursuit and he to would step away. Yet now before him he saw the opportunity to take, to lift this squad and what was left of the elven pride in the team to another title. The group that they had been given at the World Cup was not an easy one, being pushed down to second seed status despite their top eight rank and having to face Eura as a top seed, but it was there to be won if they could defy time and seize the day. The first stop in their tour of Cassadaigua's World Cup hosting would be against Kita-Hinode, a side that fancied their chances to bump the Marauders out of contention. It was beyond time that the pride of the crest was restored and the fear of Valanora put once more into all who stood before her.

[Farfadillis]

Salogadó went for an incisive long pass, one of those he always tries in the hopes to catch the defense off-guard. Bajnok, however, was a player with commendable concentration. One quick look at the ball and he could tell it was too high for him to head away. He'd have to run back to prevent an ensuing scoring chance. Bajnok sprinted back without wasting an instant, at full speed. At first, he ran confidently. Edmün - or, as Bajnok liked to call him, "the little kid" - was a good feet behind him. However, that confidence turned into shock in the span of a second. The Rulandese kid overtook him effortlessly, then proceeded to put the ball past Tgô in similar fashion.

Tuzzio shook his head, clearly disappointed in Bajnok. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he thought it was fair. After all, he had just completely fucked up. He hadn't expected Edmün to get so much faster in the last year. Still, he was now aware of the speed difference, at least. With this knowledge in mind, he started keeping a much closer eye on Çídh, hoping not to get embarrassed by him again. For a few minutes, the kid was rendered largely ineffective by this.

However, eventually his Mâ Âlâmëómë teammate, Zsolgar Zsase, sought him out with an apparently inoffensive short pass. Edmün had had to drop considerably deeper just to get the ball. Bajnok became overconfident for a second, thinking he'd drawn him into an uncomfortable position, in which he'd have to get past both t'Öéséné and him. However, Çídh wasted exactly no time, using his heel to position himself looking towards the goal with one touch, and then burst past t'Öéséné before he could finish positioning himself. Bajnok had seen this many times before. Xíxì Êns was similarly slippery, and he'd played against him many times in Nephara. Hell, Çídh's crude attempts at imitating Êns occasionally had him pulling off things like this. Obviously, Çídh was no Êns, but Bajnok knew he could no longer underestimate the Rulandese. As quickly as he could, he ran forward to prevent him from getting space, which made him a far more lethal opponent. Çídh feigned going to the right, and Bajnok fell for it hook, line and sinker as the kid changed directions in a flash, leaving Kósa in the floor as he attempted to recover from misjudging the striker's intentions. A shot from the edge of the box then equalized the game. Starters 2, substitutes 2.

Kósa looked at the gaffer. There he was, shaking his head again. Once again, he'd underestimated Çídh by going forward instead of waiting for him. He'd hoped the kid hadn't learned to make use of small spaces. There were only a couple of minutes left of the game, but he decided not to underestimate Edmün in any sense for those minutes.

Alas, Çídh would complete his hat-trick just moments later. After getting past Wìjìnì by one-twoing him with Lé Méjî's help, Çídh once again faced Bajnok. This time, Bajnok decided to wait for him to try to dribble past him, leaving him enough space to not be suffocated, but not enough to have complete freedom. Any striker will tell you it's nearly impossible to continue dribbling in this situation. Few players can do it with a semblance of reliability, and the only Farf who ever could was probably Wínrôuge at his peak. Çídh liked to pretend he was Wínrôuge, at times, so maybe he'd try to get past him anyways. Well, no; he instead went for long-range attempt. Bajnok read his intentions just in time to react only slightly too late, and the ball flew past Tgô again, into a top corner. A marvelous display, dwarfing even Êns' two fantastic goals that had put the starters ahead.

Kósa looked at Tuzzio again. Now he looked almost furious. He blew the whistle and told everyone that training was over. He then surprised no one by calling Kósa over for a personal chat.

"Kósa, is everything alright?" He asked, with a mildly sarcastic tone.

"Yes, gaffer."

"Are the kids alright? Are you undergoing an existential crisis? Did you get the lottery numbers wrong again?" The sarcasm was now perhaps more noticeable.

"Everything's alright. Çídh just caught me off-guard." Kósa begrudgingly answered. Had Tuzzio not been his manager, he probably would've chosen to go with an uppercut.

"Thrice."

"Yes, thrice. The kid has gotten really good."

"That I can concede. But you've played against better players before." Tuzzio paused. "I think you're failing to adapt and getting complacent."

Bajnok got visibly angry at the remark. "Adapt?! Adapt to what?! The fact that I can't axe the kid down cause he's my teammate?"

"C'mon Kósa, don't bullshit me like that. You know a year ago you would've stopped all three goals without so much as laying a finger on him." He paused to see if his defender was planning on retorting. "Thing is, you're now a year older, and the years don't come alone."

Bajnok almost seemed to wince at the remark.

"We've all been there. You've still got a couple of years of good football ahead of you, but that's only if you adapt. You can't keep pretending you can catch up to Edmün who, by the way, has not gotten any faster." He patted his player on the back. "Just play smart. At least you'll not be as slow as me for a decade or two." Kósa obliged with an awkward laugh - he knew better than not to laugh at the gaffer's jokes about his disability.

They then both headed their own ways, Tuzzio satisfied and Bajnok absolutely fuming.

[Turori]

Cocoa-bo Index attempts to Project World Cup 84

Group A: Average Cocoa-bo Score: 3.25

1. Turori (11)
2. Cassadaigua (4)
3. Chromatika (37)
4. Ko-oren (20)

The "Cocoa-bo Index" is a concept that associates on the Cocoa-bo Marketing team have orchestrated in coordination with the Turorian delectable outfits marketing campaigns surrounding the World Cup 84 Finals in Cassadaigua and Baker Park, as well as a way to drum up free exposure for the brand on social communication outlets such as twii.tur. In one assessment, Cocoa-bo have applied the Cocoa-bo index scores of the Nations competing in the World Cup 84 finals and used those scores to project which nations might advance to the knockout rounds of the World Cup 84 Finals. Of course it should be no surprise that the group Turori is in has one of the highest average Cocoa-bo scores in the entire World Cup draw. While Turori maxes out the Cocoa-bo index due to its status as the home of Cocoa-bo as well as the local affinity for the delectables and the numerous sponsorships that Cocoa-bo has throughout the country including as kit sponsor for Mliona-Lpaka AFC and as sponsor of the Cocoa-bo Fair Play award in the Vilitan League, the high score for Group 1 is not solely due to Turori's presence in the group.

Coming in close behind Turori with a score of four Cocoabo is the host nation Cassadaigua. The Dagan nation initially didn't warm up to the presence of Cocoa-bo on its shores - that was until Cocoa-bo made its way to Staksville and established overnight a permanent presence in the city and the potential for enhanced corporate relations as Cocoa-bo have also taken over as naming rights sponsor of the main footsport arena in Starksville.

If it is true that Everything is Better with Cocoa-bo, and Turori have a Cocoa-bo index of 5 while Cassadaigua have a Cocoa-bo index of 4, then Group A should likely see both Turori and Cassadaigua advancing to the Round of 16. Third best Chromatika have a Cocoa-bo index of three most likely due to strong relations between some of the top Chromatik players of yesteryear such as Meagan Kelly and Luuk Aart who spent long stretches of their careers in Turori. They have been followed by current Chromatik National Team midfielder Mimi Kuzami who plays for recent IFCF Challengers Cup Semi-Finalists Cednia Beach AFC in Turori. Chromatika's Cocoa-bo Index score of 3 would have been good enough to advance via the Cocoa-bo metric in any other group other than Group A.

Group B: Average Cocoa-bo Score: 2.0

1. Valanora (8)
2. Eura (7)
3. 95X (39)
4. Kita Hinode (17)

The transfer of star Turorian midfielder Timi'sala Koarena helped to notch five-time World Cup winning nation Valanora up a notch in the Cocoa-bo index to a score of 3 which was good enough for top spot in Group B. Proximity within Atlantian Oceania also aided the Vanorian score though restrictions on product sales, giveaways and demonstrations during the World Cup 82 finals limited some of hte exposure that could have raised the Vanorian's index score even higher.

95X who have a long and complicated history with the Vilita and Turori Eel-Cat Things team in the Atlantian Oceania regional competition (AOCAF) were nearly insperable with Eura on the Cocoa-bo Index. Eura and Turori have a long and not terribly great for Turori history in the World Cup Finals themselves with Eura getting the better of the Eels three times between World Cup 71 and World Cup 78. Domestic clubs in the Euran league have also been spending additional time scouting Turorian players and a handful have since moved to the league with personal sponsorship deals with entities such as Cocoa-bo increasing brand exposure within the former FSSO.

Group C: Average Cocoa-bo Score: 1.5

1. Banija (3)
2. Farfadillis (9)
3. Zwangzug (26)
4. HUElavia (45)

No group on the Cassadaigua side of the draw has a lower Cocoa-bo index than Group C, though not for a lack of trying. Banija is a place with a special place the the hearts of many Turorian's as it was during World Cup 81 in Banija and the Free Republics where the Turori National Team defeated Ethane to advance beyond the World Cup's Quarter Final stage for the first time in the Nations history. Temporary Cocoa-bo locations littered the landscape and some stuck around after the fact on a case by case basis. Rounding up from 2.5, the Banijan's earned a Cocoabo index of 3 which would not have been enough to even advance out of Group A, but does see them atop Group C.

Some distance behind there was not a lot to separate Farfadillis and Zwangzug other than the fact that by the nature of being in Atlantian Oceania and competing in more competitions such as the AOCAF that have partnerships with Cocoa-bo, Farfadilites simply have more opportunities to indulge in Cocoa-bo's tasty treats. While Farfadillis sneaks into the second spot of Group C by proximity, there have been rumblings that Zwangzug is on the Cocoa-bo Expansion Team's radar as a potential second distribution hub outside the Big 3 sporting regions. The final team in Group C, HUElavia, is the only Nation qualified to compete in Groups A-D that currently has a Cocoa-bo Index score of 0.

Group D: Average Cocoa-bo Score: 2.75

1. South Covello (5)
2. Darmen (31)
3. Mriin (14)
4. Brenecia (19)

Group D is the only group in the Cassadaigua half of the draw that sees a 'slam dunk' winner by way of the Cocoa-bo metric. If Everything is Better than Cocoa-bo then everything in Group D is better for South Covello who are far and away the highest on the Cocoa-bo index in the group and also the only Nation other than Turori to receive the maximum Cocoa-bo index score of 5.0. South Covello was the first location outside of Atlantian Oceania that the Cocoa-bo team expanded to. It was also an instrumental moment for the CoCoCo Logistics and Holdings company who orchestrated the move to supply raw materials and ingredients to South Covello for the Cocoa-bo expansion and, in the process of setting up those logistical routes ended up triggering an economic shift that propelled South Covello out of the Dark Ages, tracing all back to the one tasty Delectable Treat.

Overachieving in the second position in Group D is the nation of Darmen which has a sister city like relationship with Turori that was originally paved by the defection of the Gibbons brothers from Darmen to Turori where they would play for the Turori National Team and even help lead the team to the 62nd Cup of Harmony title. Darmen's closer ties to Turori see them narrowly pip Atlantian Oceania based Mriin for the second spot but the trends are converging for the two nations who could see their Cocoa-bo index reversed in future meetings if current trends continue.

:: Cocoa-Bo Eatery

Cocoa-bo, an establishment taking its name directly from the beloved national animal of Turori, started as a small dessert shop in Kionao. However, it was only after they added chocolate topped drinks to their menu that their popularity started to soar. As more and more patrons scooped up their chocolate flavored pick-me-ups, demand for the Cocoa-bo product skyrocketed and soon new franchised locations were popping up all throughout Turori. Shifting to more of a social 'hang-out' then just a casual place to drop in, get a dessert, and leave, the new locations started adding small foods such as Bagels for the morning, Soups and Sandwiches for Lunch or Dinner and Salads for the entire day.

Cocoa-bo has expanded outside of Vilita & Turori. Their first regional location was opened in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and Cocoa-bo has opened temporary locations during major internationstatal events such as the World Cup Finals with past locations appearing in Drawkland and Cosumar. Cocoa-bo has a permanent presence in South Covello and is also continuing to grow its presence in Starblaydia, the Equestrian States and the Free Republics. The company continues to further increase its image by partnering with Motorsport teams and expanding the company footprint across Atlantian Oceania and beyond. Cocoa-bo are also the kit sponsor for Mliona-Lpaka AFC in the Vilitan League.

Cocoa-bo's largest current markets are, in order, Turori; South Covello, the Equestrian States, Vilita and the Free Republics. Cocoa-bo has recently expanded to the region of Rushmore through its hub in Starksville, Cassdaigua and has a bottling, distribution and local product exclusivility licsense with the BCEL Beverage Company in the Commonwealth of Baker Park to maintain a product line of Cocoa-bo drinkables in the Commonwealth.

[Mriin]

aroundthehorn.mrn

Track Records, And Why They're Bullshit

When one takes stock of the final thirty-two nations of the World Cup, there are a lot of faces that someone who only watches the Reavers still won't recognize. Newcomers like Port Ember, HUElavia, and Recuecn. Old hats our paths simply haven't crossed like Audioslavia, Nephara, and Zwangzug. Nineteen such teams in total that Mriin has never faced in a WCC-sanctioned event. So when one takes a look at the group we've been drawn into, situated in Cassadaigua's beautiful capital city, and sees not one but three nations we have a record against a nary a positive one? It can be a bit deflating. Then you realize that South Covello and Darmen were both in your group for one of the most painful eliminations and FUCKING HE--

Ahem, sorry about that. That's why my point is that too much stock can never be put into these chance one-off encounters that litter World Cup history. Teams shift and change, the world spins around them, and nothing will ever capture the same feeling of that night two, four, eight years ago. Each match is the game anew and getting bogged down in the past will serve no-one but the opposition. But looking back can still be fun, in a masochistic sort of way. So let's take a look at our records against each of our adversaries in Group D.

South Covello
WC80, MD1
Mriin 2–2 South Covello @Appleoosa, Equestria
A high-flying affair--in the context of a match involving South Covellans, at least. They'll maintain the red card given to Cal Yachtwood just before halftime was controversial, but what can't be argued was the advantage playing a large role in the Reavers scalping the third-ranked team in the multiverse as a third seed. It was an incredibly promising start to a group stage that would end oh so bitterly, as we'll see later.
WC82, MD1
South Covello 1–0 Mriin @Urbanista, Apox
The more 'traditional' Covellan scoreline and a right kick in the nards. It wasn't necessarily their legendary defense that cleaned this particular sheet--the Reavers broke things down quite efficiently and kept putting chances into the air. But keeper Matthew Tyler had a stellar match, the sort of standout performance that you need to string multiples of to have a chance at winning a World Cup. It'd be a penalty courteous of one 'Coconut Charles' that would seal the disappointing deal. I've actually just realized as I type this that we're playing the Covellans at a 4-year pace. Get ready to see them again in WC86!

Brenecia
WC81, MD3
Brenecia 3–1 Mriin @Vexington, Kaluto, Free Republics
Now there's not a Mrii that gives a lick about football and could say they don't know much about Brenecia. A-League ratings in the isles continue to be abnormally high among international statistics as the curious follow the diaspora of satyr footballers abroad, and appreciate one of the statistically best leagues in the multiverse that's still oft maligned. There's definitely some fashion of a hipster impetus buried in there. But as for this match, there's not terribly much to be said. Defending champions will do as they please and the Reavers themselves had just suffered the absolute sucker punch of being upended by the rising star of Baker Park. At least that's a debt we've finally paid back. There's only two Brenecians left from that squad: Keziah Broxham, who had an outsized impact in a brilliant run setting up the first goal of that match; and Gethin Quill, who has outlasted Mriin's own Vernan Quill. The latter Quill was instrumental to the sole Mrii goal, but didn't maintain favor in the transition to Tailtiu Brennan's reign.

Darmen
WC80, MD2
Darmen 5–5 Mriin @Manechester, Equestria
The biggest clusterfuck of a game that the Reavers have ever been a part of. Some say this was the beginning of the end for Zilia Hawsorne's place as the NT keeper, and it'd be hard pressed to argue against the morale blow letting this game slip out of our (her?) hands over and over and over left. Couple this with a heartbreaking 3-4 loss to Pasarga on MD3, and this might very well be one of the highest-scoring group stage performances that failed to progress. Now that's an idea for an article...

[Commonwealth of Baker Park]

"Ladies & Gentlemen, as well as viewers across the multiverse, Welcome to the opening match of World Cup 84. Please direct your attention the video screen."

Accompanied by music, the CGI animation shows a quickly moving parade of all the 165 flags of the nations who took part in the WCQ. The picture slowly zooms in until it's apparent that the various land masses of nations are visible. The final flags are those of the teams who are in the Final, with the Cassadaigua & Baker Park flags last. Then the remaining flags form circles around the respective host countries, followed by snippets of highlights from goals, saves, and celebrations, as well as scenes of supporters in the stands and outside stadiums from the many matches played in qualifying.

Then a birds-eye view of Baker Park, with fly-bys of the various stadiums concluding with the zoom into the BBP Stadium.

"Please direct your attention to the pitch, where Timothy Wentworth, Head of State of the Commonwealth, and Her Majesty Queen Cassie II of Cassadaigua will officially open the World Cup by accepting the match ball from David Carlson, Executive Director of the FAC, and Taylor Connolly, CEO of CASE."

The dignitaries shake hands and pose for pictures.

"Please direct your attention once again to the video board."

A similar birds-eye fly-by of the venues in Cassadaigua is shown, zooming in on the Dagan Airways Stadium in Concord Heights.

"Please rise, as the All-Service Choir, made up of men and women from all branches of the Commonwealth Military, perform the National Anthem of Cassadaigua."

Choir performs.

"Please direct your attention to the pitch, as the 99th Ceremonial Guard Company of the National Guard of Baker Park presents the World Cup Trophy!"

Trophy is laid on a dais in front of the player's tunnel, with the game ball alongside. The other members of the company form two lines for the teams to walk out between

"And now, please welcome the teams from Drawkland and Baker Park!"

The officials lead the way as the two sides proceed single file alongside one another, with the mascots, and form a shoulder to shoulder line on each side of the Referee.

"And now, please remain standing for the national anthem of Drawkland!"

Choir sings

"And now, the national anthem of the Commonwealth of Baker Park!"

choir sings, "Hear Our Voices, Commonwealth" as most of the crowds does as well.

The Queen and Head of State are introduced to the officials, and then each captain introduces the teams to them, also.
Finally the dignitaries leave the field, and following the coin toss and the photos of each starting lineup, the match is ready to get underway.
__________________________________________________________________________________

And now the First Cutoff for Groups A-D!

a quick lesson

[Nephara]

Nephara 0 - 1 Free Republics
(4-4-2) 1 - Mercator; 18 - Longship, 5 - Thorn, 6 - Brosch, 3 - Close (c); 13 - Saroszi (7 - Kuepper 78'), 4 - Shone, 21 - Moxham, 11 - Strongbow (16 - Deventer 28'); 9 - Hawke (17 - Bastable 56'), 10 - Metzger

Rowena Strongbow knew something was wrong the moment it happened.
What 'it' was wasn't entirely clear. All she knew was that she'd been running free in training, and was now hobbling.
She swore.
Play stopped. Strongbow collapsed into a squat, and then a sprawl, as the physio ran over and Rovena Stride, who'd hacked gamely at her ankles not three minutes past, trotted over with concern writ over her face.
She swore again.
Marcia Pollard, the physio, had the bedside manner and physique somewhere between the nurses from a children's show and a cheap porn. "What happened?"
"I doN'T KNOW," Strongbow managed, and swore again. Wasn't it her job to figure that out?
"Well... mm. Doesn't seem so bad." She fussed over it some more, and gestured at Brightwater to get the game going again. Stride patted Strongbow on the shoulder awkwardly before going over to confer an unfair man-advantage on her team.
"Do you think you can walk on your own strength?"
"Fuck knows- ugh!"
"It's fine. It's fine. You're fine."
And it was fine, enough. She limped off, and couldn't help but notice the worried glances after her as she went.

Strongbow's Directus teammate and close confidant Circe Rosenthal was not in the World Cup squad, and this had become one of her many grievances with Strauss, one of many babies thrown out with the bathwater. She was, however, a phone call away, and offering a shoulder for Strongbow to metaphorically cry on.
"Let's cut the bullshit, Ci. Okay? Let's just cut through to it."
"How unlike you," Rosenthal murmured.
"Hey! Not a sarcasm kind of moment here. Okay? So. I'm the best. Bluntly. I am. One of the best Nephara's ever produced. One of the best, I dare-fuckin'-say, in the world. But in twenty years, who is gonna know that?"
"Your record speaks for yourself," Rosenthal soothed.
"Yeah, well, bullshit again. First female player in Eura... that's pub trivia. And all anyone will know was that it wasn't Rowland, anyway. A hundred caps? Anna Shrike made a century and a quarter. And Estrella, she's been here this whole shithouse time, but she's got top scorer to be. Maybe she'll stay there forever. This is gonna be the era of when Estrella Hawke scored a fuckton of goals and I... ? I what, Ci? I was there, for all these failures? And what? And nothing. Unless something changes in the next, like, two years. Already I know Strauss would hook me for Rena given half an excuse. And Rena's good, but I... I fuckin' deserve this, Ci."
"Based on? Based on what? Your record that doesn't speak for itself?"
"Ci..."
"You wanted to cut through the bullshit, right? The fact is that the world is full of footballers who didn't get the silverware they deserved. You at least have club success, and did you forget the Copa Rushmori? How many countries are champions of two regions? That's our legacy, Ro. We won that together, and I can't forget that."
"Okay, I get it. You're right. And... yet..."
"I know." Rosenthal sighed. "It's the fate of our people to always be left yearning for more."
"Sure, but... without the philosophy. It's just maddening that-- I mean, look at how we didn't build on that. Look at how we've just been stumbling from humiliation to humiliation since."
"So you've given up on changing that?"
Strongbow opened the large sliding door to the balcony, and let the chilling night wind whip through her hair a couple time. Rosenthal was patient. She waited. "I have three more tournaments in me. Maybe four. And right now, this one looks like a bust."
"It's still within your power. I've seen you, Ro. You drive this side to new heights."
"Yeah..." Strongbow looked down at her powerful left thigh, and the ice-packs wrapped around it. "Guess so. Thanks, Ci."
"Hey. It's fine. Is there anything else you want to talk--"
She hung up.

It had been decades since their last brush with the Cormorants, but Theriault, Theodore and Bolton remained three of the most hated men in Nephara. Strauss had played to nostalgia, telling her charges that they'd never once failed to wipe the smiles off their smug faces and they sure as hell weren't about to start now. That it would be guts and bloody murder out there, and that nobody did that better than the Cormorants. To go out there and do everything but get sent off. Oh, yeah, and Ro, everything's coming down your flank. No pressure.
There was spice in the tunnel, but no shoving. That didn't take long, though. And it didn't take long for the first hack at Strongbow's ankles. She went down the first time, heavily... the fans in green gritted their teeth. They'd seen the leaks. They hadn't seen the giant needle that had been plunged into Strongbow's thigh. In fairness, neither had she. She couldn't bloody stand needles. But, if she was going to fight through the pain...
The second time, she fell heavier. And the third, a hip-check that sent her careening over the hoardings. Immediately her fellow players came back and started shoving and shouting and glaring at the referee.
She got back up, vaulted over the--
And that's where it gave again. She stumbled, she fell forward onto her knees, and she stared at the grass. Only vaguely aware of the bustling movement around her. She only realised she'd been moved when she felt the seat materialise under her rear, and felt Pollard fondling around her leg again, saw Morena quickly casting aside her jacket and sprinting on past her.
And that was it. Her match, maybe her World Cup. And maybe Rosenthal was right, that at least she had plenty of other memories to cling to. But she was devastated, all the same.
The Cormorants just didn't look right without her. They didn't play well, either. The Republics were disciplined, tightly-drilled, and attacked with pace and vigour. It just had to work once, and it did.
She watched on from the sidelines, biting down hard on her lip, and praying the welling water in her eyes would subside by the time the camera settled on her face.

[Audioslavia]

Episode Two, Chapter Two [17:03]

The only subtitles for this episode right now are YouTube's automated ones.

All videos are and will remain Unlisted on YouTube. The only way to find them is through links on the NS Sport forum.

I have not monetised any of The Idiot Project videos. If you see an advert, it is because YouTube puts adverts on videos with copyrighted music. The Idiot Project is strictly non-profit.

For the sake of keeping the making of The Idiot Project a secret, permission to reproduce works of various NS users was not sought. If you see your own work in a video and would like it blurred out, please get in touch.

The Idiot Project is a personal project by Audio, who is an idiot, and is not officially affiliated with Nationstates.net in any way.

The Ridiculousness database will be made publicly available after the conclusion of this series.

---

Script

Chapter 2

There are days left before the start of the Baptism of Fire tournament before World Cup 75. The crew of the good ship HMS Custom of the Sea are running late for their opening game. Not to watch. To play. Their national football team have been propelled 32 years into the future, though, so they’re currently training their backup national football team, who are locked in the hold of the ship, kept there by a manager named Ratio Suckling. The team have been referring to football as ‘Greasy Churning’ until recently. They are about to pick up a life-raft containing a number of souls from the wreck of the Montrealais, having just played their first ever match, against a team of local dockers, and lost by seventeen goals to nil. The Montrealais is a whaling ship with a crew so bad at whaling that in trying to catch a Slow Whale they succumbed to Zeno’s Paradox. The crew contains a man named Duncan who is intent on using the ship’s fluid time boiler to travel back in time and kill his own captain so as not to have gotten into this mess in the first place, but The Custom’s crew want to use Fluid Time in order to get to Royal Kingdom of Quebec on time to play Matchday One of the BoF. Their players don’t know where they are, what positions they will be playing in, or who the strange man with the beard is.

They are an ‘international’ Greasy Churning team comprised entirely of confused pirate refugees lead by a madman.

They are, according to Scemametrics, the least ridiculous football team in the history of the World Cup.

They are Bonesea.

[Intro - The whole video just strolls forward from this ship]

Despite their 17-0 friendly defeat, and despite having lost their first choice squad to a time catastrophe, Bonesea would reach the final of their Baptism of Fire tournament. Playing like gods in competitive matches and like, well, confused pirates in warm-up games would become a habit for the Bonesmen.

Prior to the qualifiers for World Cup 75, the side played two friendly games against San Jose Guayabal and lost by an aggregate score of 9 to 1. Post-qualifying friendlies didn’t yield any wins either.

In World Cup 75 qualifying group twelve, Bonesea would stumble into third place, helped by the fact that they were with an Equestrian States team who were posting probably their most pathetic qualifying run in living memory.

Even Bonesea, who refused to ever be consigned to one single time period, couldn’t have seen what was about to happen next.

First, they beat The Sword Bloke in their final game. Then, The Sword Bloke… ceased to exist. The seamen… yes, people aboard the HMS Custom of the Sea were typically called ‘Seamen’… called the event ‘Sword Blexit’. The word ‘Blexit’ was a new one floating around the multiverse at the time. If we do a video on ridiculousness in RL States, we’ll cover it.

The Sword Bloke’s demise resulted in their points being stripped and Bonesea promoted to the playoffs, where they would face South Covello, back then still under the yolk of Gregorian oppression. Against all logic, Bonesea would win.

In the World Cup, they were drawn with the very same San Jose Guayabal team that had pulled their pants down in pre-qualifying. With only minor changes to the side, they’d win 3-2.

A draw with Electrum would come before, on a memorable night for the half-dozen Bonesmen in attendance, the side defeated Vilita to make the second round.

No other newcomer had reached the knockout stages of a debut World Cup for at least 30 cycles.

The Pirates were broadsided by the Corsairs in round two, but the message had been sent: If it’s not a friendly match, you’re in trouble. Like all true pirates, they only start working when there’s some gold to plunder.

They were at it again during the Eagles Cup at the start of cycle 76, taking points from five-time champs Valanora and smashing The Holy Empire 6-4 on the way to the Quarter Finals, where they lost another high-scoring game on penalties.

Roll on World Cup 76, where the team would change their shirts from purple to brown.

An improved performance in qualifying for World Cup 76 would nevertheless see Bonesea defeated by Damukuni in the playoffs, They turned their attentions to the Cup of Harmony. After Damukuni, no other team would come close to defeating the Sailors. Kaboomlandia, Gadirya, Kalumba all beaten in the group stage. Haznia defeated 6-3, Anglatia 3-2, Matthewsiania by a single goal to nil.

They would reach the final, played at the Harbour Hill Stadium in Handon, Schottia. Their hosts were there, waiting, but the weight of expectation and the power of Bonesea’s recklessly aggressive attack would prove too much for Schottia. In just their second cycle, Bonesea had reached their second major final, and had finally struck gold.

Nine goals in a game was a fairly normal occurance for the Bonesmen, who had been playing a unique 1-2-7 formation, dubbed the ‘Argånger’, spearheaded by star striker Conchobar Wickett, a man of whom it is said ‘could not only score in a brothel, but could probably hit a brace in a convent’.

Not content with taking international football by storm, they also set about leaving their mark on domestic football. It was Bonesman newspaper Boldsport who would create the inaugural Galacticos Index, a celebration of the finest footballers of each UICA season.

Bonesport never picked a Bonesman in their final eleven. Going to such lengths and barely mentioning your own team was a trait we copied for this series you’re watching here.

World Cup 77 would see the Bonesmen reach the quarter-finals, and victory followed in the second Independent Associations Cup, their third final and second trophy in four cycles. Like in the Cup of Harmony final, they would play Schottia in the final. Like the Cup of Harmony final, they would play them at the Harbour Hill stadium in Handon. Like the CoH final, they’d win.

Despite having twice witnessed first hand how annoying it is t lose in a major tournament before your own fans, Bonesea would decide to co-host World Cup 78, holding the tournament on an island dubbed ‘World Cup Island’ and playing matches at Fourfields, arguably the most ridiculous football stadium ever imagined. On their own turf, they would reach the quarter-final, with The Holy Empire gaining a measure of revenge from their previous beating in the Eagles Cup

By the time World Cup 79 rolled around, the central prong of the 127 formation had become one Caro Tyree. Tyree had been in the provisional squad for Bonesea’s Baptism of Fire tournament. The provisional squad that had, unfortunately, been waylaid on the way to the tournament and sucked 32 years into the future, instead representing Bonesea in an alternate dimension version of World Cup 83.

Tyree, aged 50 in temporal terms but physically a sprightly 23, was the star player. His goals were invaluable on Bonesea’s journey to the final of World Cup 79.

Their opponents were… Schotia. But of course.

This time, without the added pressure of a desperate home crowd, Schottia beat the Bonesmen to take their maiden World Cup, denying Bonesea a treble of major tournament gold in record time. It proved to be Bonesea’s final game of international football. They never played again.

Five cycles. Four major finals. Two trophies. One major development in domestic football. Interspersed with these milestones were stories of temporal displacement, shipwrecks, tribes of joneses and shinbones.

They’re the least ridiculous football team in the history of the World Cup. Even Wight, a team closely associated with the Bonesmen, are amongst their supposedly most sensible teams in the multiverse.

It kind of makes a mockery of the entire concept of Scemametrics, doesn’t it?

It does kind of make sense. Most teams take some heavy beatings in competitive games in their first cycle. Bonesea took zero. They never lost by three or more goals in any game in the qualifiers or the finals. They only failed to make one World Cup, their name is friendly to the Scrabble Metric… from a statistical standpoint, Bonesea are sensible as can be. Sure, they were pirate refugees from a zombie island, but as far as Scemametrics is concerned, the ends justified the means

Never fear. Let’s scroll up. I’m sure we’ll be well into the top 100 ridiculous teams before we see another team of weird pirates.

Oh for fuck… wait.. Mriin… Mriin aren’t *actual* pirates, are they? Hey, hey Defecating Daffodil, are you guys pira…

[cut to Mriin]

Th… I… The third least ridiculous team in the history of the World Cup is… the sort of nation where its inhabitants do unexpected impromptu armed dance routines while dressed like a burlesque javascript technician. Fff.. ugh. No. I swear. Stick with me. This formula… this formula works. Look.. it may not be very accurate when trying to find the least ridiculous nation in football history - the equation suggests all but a hundred or so teams are under 1 point of ridiculousness - but at the top of the list… look. I’ll show you. We’ll ‘Aint No Sunshine’ our way through the next 3,000 teams. Right now.

This episode is a bit like the titanic. At the start there’s a shipwreck and at the end, Everybody Dies. I feel like I could make an Idiot Project feature about any one of these teams in the top one hundred or, for that matter, any of the teams at the bottom. Dennisov’s only noteable footballer was a goalkeeper, Semarland have made more transfers Ryanair, I know the history of Mertagne and The Inevitable Syndicate like the back of my hand, Cassadaigua are a nation of 7 foot tall Amazonian women, Lemmitania’s RP history makes Bonesea’s look positively pedestrian honestly… there’s a story behind every one of these World Cup nations. From the bottom, with Bonesea, Saintland and Mriin to the top with… well. We’ll cover the top ten in another video.

When I said things would escalate quickly… I meant it.

Previously on The Idiot Project
Episode One:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3 (A)
Chapter 3 (B)
Chapter 4
Chapter 4.5
Chapter 5
Chapter 6

Episode Two:
Chapter 1

---

Bulls on the Brink

The national side found themselves fully outfought, outthought and outclassed on matchday one of the World Cup last night, as Vilita ran in three first-half goals against an overmatched Audioslavia. It is a fifth World Cup finals defeat in succession for the Bulls, following on from their knockout loss to Cassadaigua in the eighty-second cycle and the egg they found for themselves during the first round of World Cup 83.

Perhaps the only bright spot for the Bulls was the form of Rickson Marañón, Audioslavia's only functioning creative outlet, whose skill and bloodimindedness got him into the box to draw a penalty for Audioslavia's 83rd minute consolation. Mako Canopii got a very strong right hand to Kuznetsov's spot kick but could only launch the ball high into the roof of the net with his flail.

Audioslavia go into midweek's match with Sargossa, against whom the Bulls attained a win and a defeat over qualifying, needing nothing short of victory to keep themselves in the tournament.

For manager WIlf Lidgley, his future as national team boss may be in the balance. After such a bombastic start to the qualifying campaign and such a messy finish, the pressure is mounting. Beat Sargossa and he goes some way to proving that the limp and cumbersome final ten games of qualifying were simply the result a team winding down, knowing it had already pretty much done enough to qualify. Lose, and not only are the team out of the World Cup, but his argument for why he should remain as Audioslavia manager falls flat.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, G'nite b<music plays>

[Free Republics]

Sister Polus's Thoughts

Hello, I am Sister Maria Polus and I welcome you to a special live via satellite (OOC: taped) edition of Sister Polus's Thoughts from the World Cup in Baker Park. Today, the Republican National Team vanquished Nephara, that infamous nation of thugs who once assaulted a future King of Saintland for no reason whatsoever. The final score was 1 goal to nil but that doesn't tell the story of the brutality of a Nephara match. As we used to say in Saintland, playing soccer against Nephara is the closest thing to Infernus that you can experience before you die unsaved and go there for eternity!

First off tonight, I want to address the topic of Infernus. I've received many emails asking whether Infernus is real and, if it is, what it's like and how one can avoid going there. Let's start from the beginning: Infernus is very real and is a lake of fire where the wicked are tortured for all of eternity. Now, the question becomes who is wicked. Well, to answer that question, let me turn to Romans Chapter 3, Verse 10. The Word of our Creator says very clearly, "As it is written, there is no one who is righteous. No, not a single one. There is no one who understands, who seeks after God. All have turned away and there are none who do good." Now, this would imply that life is hopeless and that all of us will burn in the fires of Infernus. However, there is hope. Let us turn to the 14th chapter of the Gospel of Saint Ioannes. Thomas said to the Lord Iesus Christus, "Lord, we don't know where you're going. How can we know the way?" And Iesus answers, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Light. No man goes to the Father but through me." In short, there is but one way to avoid Infernus and that is to give your heart and your soul to Iesus Christus and His True Church.

Let me be very clear: There is one True Church that offers the only genuine path to Iesus Christus and thus to God. However, there are some other lesser churches that still offer a somewhat more flawed path to Iesus Christus and it is our responsibility as the True Church to engage in dialog with them and pray that we may come to an understanding with them and unify as one in Christus. On the other hand, there are also heresies such as the former chosen people who deny that Christus is the Son of God and who murdered him on the Cross in their insolence. There are also the worshipers of Mahomet, a demonic individual who created a counterfeit faith that acknowledges the Immaculate Conception and Christus's status as a prophet but denies his divinity. There are also schismatics and heretics within Christianity. One such prominent group of heretics are the so-called "Orthodox" who utilize wicked magic to conjure up a Dreamed Realm. These counterfeit faiths offer a path that leads not to God but rather to Satanas and an eternity burning in Infernus.

Let's move on next to the impeachment of Consul Kyle Bolton. Recently, Senator Izmailov, who is still bitter about losing an election fair and square a long time ago, hurled some rather vicious attacks on myself, on my Church and on Common Good. Many people have asked for my response to this slander. While unfortunately I cannot sue Senator Izmailov as he has senatorial immunity to say whatever he wishes, his statements rise to the level of defamation. I want to be very clear about one thing. Common Good is a secular party that has no connection whatsoever to the True Church or the Ecumenical Coalition for Morality. We support them because they are the best political vessel for us at the moment but we have no illusions. They are a secular party that has no strong commitment to faith.

---

Scarlett Nicholls flipped the channel to Freedom Sports which was showing highlights of the Free Republics-Nephara match as pundits debated whether Theriault's troops had intentionally taken out Rowena Strongbow.

The truth was, of course, that the entire thing had been part of Theriault's plan. He knew his team would be competing tooth and nail with Nephara for a spot in the knockout rounds. Thus, it was important to weaken their team and, in doing so, lower their chances of making it out of the group stage.

What even Theriault didn't know however was that Sir Koby Theodore, his assistant coach, had put out a bounty on Strongbow. Whoever took Strongbow out would receive a bonus of 1 million thalers which would double to 2 million thalers if Strongbow missed the rest of the World Cup. Before the half-hour mark, Maxim Izmailov would collect on that bounty.

Izmailov, the nephew of the Senator and one-time leader of the Nat-Gres and United Republica, had a reputation as a hothead. He had been red carded in the Round of 16 back in World Cup 81 and missed the quarterfinal after intentionally tripping an opposing player who'd beaten him. Even when he wasn't getting carding, he liked hurting opposing players. When the bounty had been offered, he'd been determined to ensure that he was the one who received that cash.

Remarkably, the official did not even award Izmailov a yellow card for the hit that took out Strongbow. It took a brilliant acting job by Izmailov to make a dirty hit look clean but there was nobody better at pulling that off than Izmailov. Afterwards, he feigned concern for her, or so it appeared, while he was actually rubbing salt in the wounds: "How about I make it up to you after the match? Come to my hotel room whenever you can walk again and I'll show you what its like to hook up with a real man!"

The official did not hear this but other Nepharim players did. The situation escalated into pushing and shoving but the ref just had the injured player taken off the field and ordered the 2 teams to play on.

From that point onward, the Republicans were on the offensive for the remainder of the match. Hesterine Mercator was on her heels for most of the match but kept stopping Republican shots. Finally, as the clock reached the 74th minute, the Republicans earned a free kick after Roxelana Thorn's minor foul of Kalervo Peltoa. Johnny Smith took advantage of the opportunity to send a rocket toward the net which Mercator could not stop. The Republicans led 1 goal to nil.

While one would have expected the Republicans to park the bus for the remainder of the match, Theriault's team continued attacking and continued to have the better of that. The Cormorants looked out of sync after the Strongbow injury.

After the match, Theriault had thought about grabbing a microphone and talking to the crowd, possibly riling them up for the Baker Park match coming up. Then he thought twice about it and threw the mic down without saying a word. But he said more with no words than he could have said in a long speech. The Free Republics weren't there to talk about winning. They were there to win by any means necessary...

[HUElavia]

HUElavia Record Historic Victory In Debut!

HUElavia came into their inaugural match at the NS World Cup filled with both nervousness and excitement, all while thousands of fans flocked to the stadium wearing jersies of yellow and blue, coming out to support Los Amarillos in their opening match against Zwangzug at Winchester City Lottery Stadium (59,000) in Winchester. Headed into the match, Zwangzug were significant favorites, but HUElavia went out with their best eleven players looking to make history, especially with half of the fans in the stadium adorning the colors of HUElavia.

The first half was a series of shots from both teams, with the opening shot coming in the 2nd minute, with a pass by Rossi meeting the foot of Cristiano, who blasted it past McJakill, only for the shot to hit the bar and go out. In the 11th minute, a cross by Gallego met the head of Petit, who nearly scored the opening goal, only for McJakill to save it on the line and Arokiaraj cleared the ball out to safety. Zwangzug had their chances as well, with a free kick in the 27th minute by Kukiseso being taken quick and narrowly going outside the net past Ricardo. In the 39th minute, a pass by Kukiseso found the foot of Twoni, who blasted the shot, only for Ricardo to block and deflect it into a corner kick. There was no notable shots for the final 5 minutes of the half, with the half ending at 0-0.

The second half arrived, and the teams now were attempting to score in the goals that were in front of their respective fans. For the half, both teams came close several times. The first shot came in the 48th minute, with Zwangzug having a chance where Sayle-Bren gave a low shot, only for it to deflect into the heel of Mendieta, and going out for a corner. In the 54th minute, a pass by Rocheteau to Gonzalez saw Gonzalez take a low shot as well, only for the shot to hit the left post and deflect out for a goal kick. In the 60th minute, HUElavia used all 3 substitutions in an attempt to get fresh legs on the pitch, with Rocheteau, Gonzalez and Petit being subbed off for Almeida, Navarro and Hamada respectively. HUElavia began to grow from there with their youngsters, with shot after shot being done, only to go wide or be blocked by McJakill or one of the defenders. As time ticked away and the match entered stoppage time, with an extension of 4 minutes, the game looked as if it was going to end in a 0-0 draw. In the 90+4th minute (94th minute), in one final push by Los Amarillos, they began with a counter attack of 4 players against 3, with Almeida giving a pass to Hamada, who took a low shot that hit McJakill and deflected outside the box, only for Navarro to have a clear shot on goal and took the low shot to roll it into the net for the opening goal, 0-1. The entire HUElavian crowd erupted and started to cheer and jump, making the stadium shake and rumble, all while Navarro ran to the corner net while getting mobbed by the entire squad and coaching staff to celebrate HUElavia's first ever goal and win at the World Cup. The referee blew the whistle, and HUElavia recorded a historic victory and upset win against Zwangzug.

With the victory, HUElavia sits in 2nd place after Farfadillis defeated Banija 3-2, thus Farfadillis leads Group C with 3 goals compared to HUElavia's 1 goal. The next match will be against Banija at Qusmair Stadium (77,000) in New Lakeland. While Banija, the bronze medalist from World Cup 83, are the overwhelming favorites, HUElavia look to surprise them and attempt to put them on the ropes with a draw. Although, should HUElavia pull off another upset victory, this would virtually guarantee Los Amarillos in the Round of Sixteen in their inaugural tournament, while Banija would be essentially eliminated, but these results are also dependent on the Zwangzug-Farfadillis match. Regardless, HUElavia are out there to support the team.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

[Ko-oren]

Poor Start

A flawless performance by Chromatika proves that the Dragonflies have a lot of work ahead of them. With a schedule that only throws higher and higher ranked teams at the Green and Blue, the loss against the Anomalies makes it look like this World Cup is a done deal and we'll be looking forward to the AOCAF already. Of course, a lot still has to be decided, but now Ko-oren needs two wins against Turori and Cassadaigua, and a draw has to happen in some other match (to avoid a situation where three teams sit on 6 points and one on 0). A draw or a loss in the next one almost certainly eliminates us, though. That's the beauty of a three-match group stage: you can advance on three points, or you could be knocked out with six. And every result is straightforward: with every match played, a lot of permutations fall off.

In other matches, Turori has beaten Cassadaigua to set back the hosts a little. Group A should be about as close as expected beforehand, and it wouldn't surprise me if this group will be decided on goal difference. Both games in the group ended in a 1-0 score, but the same can't be said for the rest of the Dagan side. Eura finished off 95X 5-3 in the day's largest margin, most goals scored by a winner and loser, and so on. Valanora slipped up against Kita-Hinode (1-2). HUElavia topped their surprise qualification with a 1-0 victory to start off a dream World Cup, while a battle among the top 10's saw Farfadillis win 3-2 over Banija. Brenecia upset South Covello 1-0, too. In Baker Park, the hosts and Drawkland enjoyed a 4-3 goal fest, Vilita confirmed their status as #1 by winning 3-1 over Audioslavia, and Siovanija and Teusland pulled a HUElavia, taking three points off of Sargossa. Port Ember were welcomed to the sport's highest achievable tournament by Taeshan (0-3 loss).

Enigma Armageddon scored Chromatika's single goal, enough to stun the Dragonflies into a loss. The goal came suddenly, amidst a few good chances for Ko-oren, who then regrouped and reconsidered their plan mid-match, shaving costly minutes off of the match. This gave the Anomalies even more confidence, locking up the match for good with well over 20 minutes to go.

As the World Cup is finally under way, some members of the national team are looking at the transfer market and what their clubs are up to. Some players are making a move in order to get back into the national team, others are moving involuntarily, and others again feel like it's high time to make a step up to an even bigger club. Dennis Lampshire, ever a captaincy candidate, is sent away from Nephara's Raven River but is likely to stay in the country. At 3.5 million, we feel like he is undervalued but hey, it might just lead to a great final 5-6 years of his career. A national team hopeful, Rasmus Tornkwist, is leaving Qusmo (as are nearly all other foreign players). Nobody has tried to snag him, so far, but a move back into Ko-oren isn't out of the question. Another NT candidate, Ingmar Linderood, will leave Banija's Busukuma AC - it's unfortunate, but it happens.

Then there are five curious cases of youth players, leaving university with or without a degree, hoping to go professional in a competition outside of Ko-oren. Let's hope it does their career well and it helps them develop, but as we're also looking at Willowbourne's IUCC win, Ko-oren really is not a bad place to develop. Let's see if they're up for the Di Bradini Cup, or if they fall off before their prime hits...

[Taeshan]

"A 3-0 win against Port Ember. The biggest win in Taeshani World Cup history. What do you take away from this game"?

"Port Ember shouldn't be here."

"What about this performance from your squad"?

"They still can do better. Ask me after the next game against the World Champs. This match was just a warm-up. It means nothing if we don't advance."

"How do you feel about Wilhelm's potential move to Audioslavia"?

"It's good for him. I went abroad, he's been trying to for a few seasons. He deserves a big money move, in a more competitive league. We've done well to make our league better, and hopefully we can show that in the upcoming Champions' League revitalization, but KT plays in a better league, and he wants more."



"Wilhem, you've scored your first two goals in your second opening match at a World Cup. And an assist. Man of the match performance."

"Was there a question there"?

"No you're right. How does this feel"?

"Feels great I guess. Really pushing for a lot of money, and for a great performance for my side. Always an honor to score for my country."

"Any news about the possible move to Audioslavia"?

"Hopefully it happens. If it doesn't I'm definitely not staying in limbo, or in Atlantea for another year."

"The relationship with the Hurricanes is dead then"?

"Yep."



"Randall. Good performance against Port Ember, now the real challenge with Equestria. What can you do to win this game"?

"Play defense? Not let them score. Seems like our best option."

"How do you plan on keeping the World Champions at bay"?

"The same way we keep everyone else at bay?"

[Commonwealth of Baker Park]

Positive start for NT
Frank Armitage
The Daily Mail Chief Soccer Writer


The opening match of the World Cup for the Commonwealth National Team was full of questions for Pam Scott, as she had to wonder if her side had ironed some of the consistency problems from the buildup friendly series.

Some of those questions were answered within the first five minutes of the 4-3 win over Drawkland at the BBP Stadium, as Tyrek Jones scored the opening goal after a good period of buildup in the midfield which led to Veronica Navarro's angled pass into the box, which Jones smashed home past the outstretched hands of Drawkian keeper Septimus Xander.

It was nearly 2-0 three minutes later, as Jamari Bozeman swept in to take a pass from Lorenzo Taborn and fire past Xander, but VAR negated the score for offsides.

Drawkland continued their push forward following the delay, and nearly found an equalizer as Mike Rodney just blazed over the bar, leaving Danielle Gaines—the surprise starter in goal—fortunate, as she was beaten on the shot.

Sabrina Patton finally got the second goal for BP, as Annabeth Westmoreland found her loitering at the far post on a free kick, the Chenoworth Rovers star heading home, bringing the crowd of 74,832 to a deafening crescendo, just as the match reached the half-hour mark.

The Drawkians came back on the attack and finally were rewarded with a goal by captain Roger Apollo, having come free by losing Terrence Stephens on a corner kick.

Jones should've had another at the close of the first half, missing the goal completely after a quick move off a turnover in the Drawkland end and a wide open net. When Mr Sisikoro, the Banijan referee blew for the break, there was a sense that the second half had more goals to come.

Bozeman finally got his 34th international goal on 53 minutes, as the Southend midfielder beat his marker off the dribble and aimed for the upper corner, again just beyond the reach of the keeper.

Drawkland responded 8 minutes afterwards, when another BP defensive breakdown on a set piece saw Dominic Southers score from a rebound of his own shot that Gaines couldn't handle. It was 3-2 with less than 30 minutes left, and Scott brought on Declan Mason for Trent Yeomans, with Westmoreland shifting over to left wing and Bozeman dropping deeper.

The VAR came into play once again in the 72nd minute, this time the decision going in favor of the Commonwealth, as Craig Bakker was adjudged to have handled the ball in the penalty area and Patton slotted home the ensuing penalty to restore the 2 goal cushion.

JC Bartok replace Stephens with 10 minutes left and the Bees attempted to close up shop, but Drawkland had other ideas, as Trevor Garnet found Ross Hunter on a cross from the left, who half volleyed past Gaines in the 84th, and now the buzz around the crowd was nervous anticipation for the final whistle.

In the end, the defense turned away all subsequent attacks on the Baker Park goal, and a first victory in their new home was in the books.

Gaines; Briggs (C), Vasillias, Stephens (Bartok '80); Yeomans (Mason '62), Westmoreland, Taborn, Navarro; Bozeman; Jones, Patton (LeClair '83)

Goals: Jones 6'; Patton 29', 72' pen; Bozeman 53'

[Turori]

Cocoa-bo Index :: World Cup 84 Groups E-H

The "Cocoa-bo Index" is a concept that associates on the Cocoa-bo Marketing team have orchestrated in coordination with the Turorian delectable outfits marketing campaigns surrounding the World Cup 84 Finals in Cassadaigua and Baker Park, as well as a way to drum up free exposure for the brand on social communication outlets such as twii.tur. In one assessment, Cocoa-bo have applied the Cocoa-bo index scores of the Nations competing in the World Cup 84 finals and used those scores to project which nations might advance to the knockout rounds of the World Cup 84 Finals. Of course it should be no surprise that the group Turori is in has one of the highest average Cocoa-bo scores in the entire World Cup draw. Cocoa-bo has previously published Cocoa-bo Index Scores for Groups A-D.

Group E: Average Cocoa-bo Score: 2.75

1. Baker Park (10)
2. Free Republics (16)
3. Drawkland (34)
4. Nephara (18)


Since the start of their "Everything is Better with Cocoa-bo!" Marketing campaign somewhere in the vacinity of World Cup 78, Cocoa-bo marketing officials spent large efforts to bring their product to the local markets where the World Cup matches were being played. Two of those nations, Free Republics and Drawkland were drawn into Group E of World Cup 84 along with the current Co-hosts, the Commonwealth of Baker Park. While it took the descending of the Multiverse to get Cocoa-bo into Drawkland and the Free Republics, when the multiverse descends on the Commonwealth of Baker Park, Cocoa-bo will have already been an established part of the local culture.

While the presence of Cocoa-bo in Baker Park prior to World Cup 84 has been through a unique licensing arrangement with the BCEL Beverage Corporation, the citizens of the Commonwealth have already shown a taste for the treat to require the brokering of that arrangement and now that taste is likely to only increase along with an increased presence of Cocoa-bo products throughout the World Cup time frame. For this reason, the Commonwealth of Baker Park receives the highest Cocoa-bo Index score of the Group narrowly besting World Cup 81 host nation the Free Republics, one of the current top 5 national consumers of Cocoa-bo.


Group F: Average Cocoa-bo Score: 2.50

1. Vilita (1)
2. Audioslavia (23)
3. Siovanija & Teusland (43)
4. Sargossa (13)


Earning one fewer total Cocoabo on the Cocoa-bo index is the four teams in Group F who also represent the only Group across both the Cassadaigua and Baker Park halves of the World Cup draw that sees four nations each separated by a single Cocoabo - no more, no less. It all starts at the top perhaps unsuprisingly with Vilita, the top ranked nation in the multiverse who share a unique, sometimes friend sometimes foe relationship with their colonial rivals Turori which often extends to its products like the Cocoabo adorned delectables. While the average Vilitan doesn't care too much about the Cocoabo that were never known to be native to Vilita's main landmass, it is impossible to avoid the Cocoa-bo delectables and if for no other reason than size and proximity, Vilita is also one of the top 5 consumers of Cocoa-bo throughout the multiverse. This puts them atop Group F in the Cocoa-bo Index ahead of Audioslavia and Siovanija & Teusland, other Atlantian Oceania nations with simple logistics and distribution paths as well as regular transit to nearby Cocoa-bo rich nations. From a sporting perspective, the Island Emirate of Turori has an absolutely horrific all-time record against Audioslavia. While records of these matches in Turori often go missing, are "lost" or otherwise never mentioned, outside of the Island Emirate it is common knowledge that Turori itself is never defeated Audioslavia in over 1,093 meetings between the two nations. Additionally, it was in the Island Emirate of Turori that Audioslavia finally broke its long standing World Cup drought defeating Starblaydia to win the World Cup 63 Final at the Cednia Beach Center in Cednia, Turori. For this reason, some on the Cocoa-bo marketing team wanted to assign Audioslavia a score of Zero Cocoa-bo but instead the team were convinced to instead over-inflate the score of Audioslavia in a sacrifice to Margaret just in the unlikely event that the World Cup 84 Final becomes a meeting between Turori and Audioslavia and the Eels need every last bit of Margarets help to finally claim their own World Cup title.

Group G: Average Cocoa-bo Score: 2.25

1. Equestria (2)
2. Apox (12)
3. Taeshan (24)
4. Port Ember (48)


Due to their reputation as a shoot first, ask questions later type culture, a few of the members of the Cocoa-bo marketing team were hesitant to publish the Cocoa-bo Index score of Zero Cocoa-bo for Port Ember. They were just the second nation to be assigned no Cocoa-bo which indicated a calculated score of 0.5 or fewer. While Cocoa-bo was unwilling to reveal who which nation would ultimately be lower on the Index between HUElavia and Port Ember - it is likely given the above concern they would tend to give the tiebreaker to Port Ember if for no other reason than fear itself. Still, the nation at the bottom of Group G is both the lowest ranked side in the Baker Park half of the World Cup 84 Finals and the nation with the lowest Cocoa-bo Index in the same range.

The gap between Port Ember, at the bottom of Group G, and Equestria, at its peak, is the largest in any World Cup group not only in World Rankings but also in Cocoa-bo Index score. Equestria, home of the multiverse's 2nd ranked team and defending World Cup Champions is also home to the most dedicated consumers of Cocoa-bo. While there is no love for Turorians when it comes to contesting the World Cup in Equestria as the Turori National Team have a terrible record in recent competitions in the Ponylands, Cocoa-bo officials love the uptick in sales such events bring and it is now a virtually uninterrupted flow of Cocoa-bo consumption. Equestria is often used as a proving grounds for new products in the Cocoa-bo repertoir and is also home to the greatest number of sit-and-chat style Cocoa-bo Cafe's. With a maximum score of Five Cocoa-bo, Equestria easily takes home Group G ahead of World Cup 83 host nation Apox where Cocoa-bo officials are still trying to establish their foothold after the downturn that followed the early exit of the Turori National team in that competition.

Group H: Average Cocoa-bo Score: 2.00

1. The Holy Empire (15)
2. Starblaydia (6)
3. Qasden (21)
4. Recuecn (32)


On average, the Cocoa-bo Index Score by Group for nations participating in the Commonwealth of Baker Park half of World Cup 84 decreased at a predictable rate going from the host nations Group E down to the final group in the Tournament, H, which includes 9 times World Champion duo The Holy Empire and Starblaydia. The Holy Empire is a tough nation to apply a Cocoa-bo index to as you never really know who is going to show up from the Dreamed Realm to compete on their behalf. At time of printing it was not immediately apparent whether the Holy Empire's World Cup 84 squad, composed of the Knights of the Oblong Table, were as yet prime consumers of Cocoa-bo products. With minimal insight into the Dreamed Realm, the Cocoa-bo marketing team responsible for the Cocoa-bo index would have to extrapolate based on former exemplars of the beings that represented The Holy Empire prior to these knights to determine an appropriate score.

Of course, one factor of the Holy Empire's Cocoa-bo Index is increased massively just due to the consumption of a small group of fluffy bunnies that became addicted to the delectables with famous viral loop graphics showing the bunnies downing a Cocoa-bo drink in mere seconds and emerging with a ring of chocolatey goodness around their whiskers. Marindian the No-So-Magnificent even wrote a ballad about the traditional Chocolate-Topped selections on offer from Cocoa-bo that briefly made the charts. On the other end of the spectrum, however, is the Fog-thing of Antiquity. The famous Fog-Thing was defeated by Turori in the Cup of Harmony 67 final and is believed to have sworn off all things Turorian in an especially sombre retreat following the result. Given the fog-things omnipresent influence potential, it is possible that this disdain has spread to others in the Dreamed Realm. There was some data available to provide limited insight and as of the most recent - and to this date only canvassing of Imperial Citizens done by the Cocoa-bo marketing team, opinion on whether Everything is better with Cocoa-bo!" was decidedly mixed, mostly due to the array of other more dreamy concoctions on offer such as Unicorn Tears, another favorite among Imperials.

If they were only applying a score to the Fluffy Bunnies it would likely be off the charts, but instead with only a limited data set, the Cocoa-bo Marketing team were more moderate with their assessment on The Holy Empire. It was still enough to project The Holy Empire as the top team in Group H with a Cocoa-bo Index slightly above that of five-time World Champion and Atlantian Oceania based nation Starblaydia.

Of course, there is a long history between the nations of Turori and Starlbaydia who both made their debut during the World Cup 15 Qualification cycle along with another central Atlantian Oceania nation, Krytenia. Of course the story of the three Nations hits every end of the spectrum with Starblaydia ultimately becoming the winningest nation (tied) in the history of the World Cup, curators of the Under-21 World Cup and multi-time Regional Champion. By contrast, it took Turori 66 cycles to even break through the Quarter Final round of the World Cup. However, as a result, the Turorians would become the winningest nation (tied) in the history of the Cup of Harmony. That left only Krytenia from the trio and of course, Krytenia has accomplished absolutely nothing. For three nations who stepped onto the World Stage at the same time their paths became so very different. It's hard for a Starblaydi to avoid Cocoa-bo. The shops are all around the region, a number of which appeared in Starblaydia around the time of EqueStar 80 - a Cup which would ultimately go down in history as the last time Turori would lose a World Cup Quarter-Final match before breaking through for the first time one cup later in Banija & the Free Republics. Ironically, that defeat was to the Cocoa-bo loving Holy Empire. Which may be why Starblaydia slots just in behind them at second on th Index in Group H.

While it was close between The Holy Empire and Starblaydia as to who had the higher Cocoa-bo Index score in Group H, what was never in doubt was that it would be those two at the top of the heap. Cocoa-bo and Cats have sometimes been considered core enemies in nature and their limited range of citizen language communication would never even dream of including fanciness such as the repetitive curlyness of Reçeçuçeçn as both nations slowly brought up the rear of the group with a single Cocoabo each. Incredibly, the four groups in the Baker Park half of the World Cup 84 Finals all achieved a Cocoa-bo Index within 0.75 Cocoa-bo on Average which sees them fit squarely in the middle of the four groups on the Casssadaigua half of the draw, each of which had an average score greater than 2.74 or lower than 2.01.

:: Cocoa-Bo Eatery

Cocoa-bo, an establishment taking its name directly from the beloved national animal of Turori, started as a small dessert shop in Kionao. However, it was only after they added chocolate topped drinks to their menu that their popularity started to soar. As more and more patrons scooped up their chocolate flavored pick-me-ups, demand for the Cocoa-bo product skyrocketed and soon new franchised locations were popping up all throughout Turori. Shifting to more of a social 'hang-out' then just a casual place to drop in, get a dessert, and leave, the new locations started adding small foods such as Bagels for the morning, Soups and Sandwiches for Lunch or Dinner and Salads for the entire day.

Cocoa-bo has expanded outside of Vilita & Turori. Their first regional location was opened in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and Cocoa-bo has opened temporary locations during major internationstatal events such as the World Cup Finals with past locations appearing in Drawkland and Cosumar. Cocoa-bo has a permanent presence in South Covello and is also continuing to grow its presence in Starblaydia, the Equestrian States and the Free Republics. The company continues to further increase its image by partnering with Motorsport teams and expanding the company footprint across Atlantian Oceania and beyond. Cocoa-bo are also the kit sponsor for Mliona-Lpaka AFC in the Vilitan League.

Cocoa-bo's largest current markets are, in order, Turori; South Covello, the Equestrian States, Vilita and the Free Republics. Cocoa-bo has recently expanded to the region of Rushmore through its hub in Starksville, Cassdaigua and has a bottling, distribution and local product exclusivity licsense with the BCEL Beverage Company in the Commonwealth of Baker Park to maintain a product line of Cocoa-bo drinkables in the Commonwealth.

[Siovanija and Teusland]

Die Stelburger Zeitung

Sport

Ribbeck Fires Goldhorns to History

To the delight of the thousands of Goldhorns fans who made the short trip to Baker Park to witness the Siovanija & Teusland national football team’s first-ever World Cup match, the Goldhorns came away with a hard-fought 1-0 upset win over Sargossa.

“You’ve just got to rise to the occasion, obviously it’s a whole different kind of pressure but it’s about finding a way to play through that,” commented the manager Gavin Hughes, who has managed in the World Cup Finals with homeland Apox. “There’s obviously a lot different about this compared, but we’ve been in tournaments before and we know that all that matters is the 90 minutes,” added Michael Ribbeck. Thorsten Kramer added that, having played the biggest game of his club career a few weeks ago in the Champions’ League final, he would now play the biggest game of his international career to date. It was clear that the Goldhorns’ preparations for this match focused on understanding the occasion and rising to the challenge.

Gavin Hughes’ lineup for this one was pretty much as expected, with Ewald Heuser getting the nod in goal. Steimle, Klopfer, Jager and Lotbiniere made up the back 4, with the trio of Mihailov, Kramer and Dimitrov in midfield. It was Romanov and Kogler on the wings, and Michael Ribbeck up top. Not much in the way of surprise, as it would be the same style the Goldhorns had used throughout Qualification: attempt to win the key battles in the midfield.

There was a significant number of fans in black and gold at the Queen Victoria Stadium, owing to the relatively short flight time from key hubs back home like Stelburg, St. Jakob and Borograd to Baker Park. Flags displayed the names of cities and towns across the country, and the national anthem was sung with quite a bit of pride. The Goldhorns in gold and black, their Sargossan opponents in blue and white, the first-ever World Cup match involving Siovanija & Teusland kicked off.

The Goldhorns appeared certainly nervous in the first few minutes against the more experienced Corsairs. Sargossa, ranked 13th in the world, were surely the favourites for the match and showed their skill early. Only a strong tackle by Karl-Heinz Jager prevented Diego Alejandro Costa from having a clear path to goal, and Ewald Heuser was forced into making a good save early on from another shot by Costa.

As time bore on in the first half, however, the Goldhorns gradually grew into the game. Thorsten Kramer started to make things happen in a midfield that had struggled to hold the ball for the first 20 or so minutes, and the Goldhorns had gone from being hemmed into their own end to pressing forward more and more. A great move by Kramer sent a pass forward to Romanov, but his shot was just over the bar.

The Goldhorns’ engine in midfield was starting up, and they were more and more coming to control the possession. This enabled the pacy fullbacks Steimle and Lotbiniere to push further forward in support of their wingers, Romanov and Kogler having had a bit of trouble with the Sargossan wingbacks. Sargossa looked very solid at the back, but so did the Goldhorns, with Raphael Klopfer and Karl-Heinz Jager each having excellent games. Strong performances by both teams were the story of the first half, which ended 0-0.

The second half saw a similar story, with the Goldhorns holding onto possession, especially through Thorsten Kramer, who seemed to be constantly running and was involved in almost every key Goldhorn move. They had to be quite wary, however, of the Sargossan ability to counter-attack. As the clock passed first 60 and then 65 minutes, it was becoming clear to each side that whatever chance they got from here on out, they would have to take.

The first big chance came the way of the Corsairs. Carlos Carter broke free on the right side and moved quickly upfield, the forwards Costa and Tomas Murillo coming with him. Carter’s ball found Murillo, but his shot was caught well by Heuser in goal.

Just a few minutes later, opportunity would knock for the Goldhorns. Karl-Heinz Jager made a strong, clean challenge on Murillo and won the ball. He managed to send a pass up to a waiting Thorsten Kramer. Kramer pushed through the midfield, carrying the ball and holding onto it despite a challenge from Esteban Pomar. Now the Goldhorns fans could sense something brewing, with Kramer having options all over the field. His pass found Mario Kogler out on the left wing. Kogler cut closer and closer towards the box, before firing a pass to Michael Ribbeck.

Ribbeck had been having a bit of trouble dealing with the very big, very physical Sargossan back 3 all match, especially the experienced Alex Gonzalez. This time, however, Ribbeck combined his own physical abilities with a bit of cunning, and beat Gonzalez before firing a shot into the bottom left corner just past the glove of Roberto Penedo in the goal. 1-0 to the Goldhorns, and the fans in the stadium went wild.

There were still 18 minutes on the clock, however, and Sargossa were determined to find a way through. Gavin Hughes switched out Pierre-Louis Lotbiniere for the more defensively-minded Thorsten Helmke, and Viktor Dimitrov also came off in favour of Dennis Brotzmann. Both of these changes saw the Goldhorns play a bit more conservatively in the final minutes, clearly confident enough in their backline and Heuser that one would be enough here. In the end, despite a few worrying moments, it would be: Siovanija & Teusland came away with a 1-0 win in their first World Cup match.

“It was a perfect performance, from start to finish. Once we settled in, we just hit our stride, and everybody played their part,” said Gavin Hughes. “That is what our team has been building towards, and we’re proud of that performance for sure. Starting off with a win gives you a big boost for sure, but there’s 2 more matches in this group stage and we’re right back to preparations for that,” said Thorsten Kramer. On scoring the first-ever Goldhorns World Cup goal, Michael Ribbeck said “It’s up there for sure, a moment I’ll never forget. You have to credit the team with that though, because it’s the fact that we won the game that makes it more special. We were proud to see so many people from back home in the stands, and we hope to see them at a few more games as well.”

In other Group F action, Vilita defeated Audioslavia 3-1. The next game for the Goldhorns will see them take on the world’s number 1 ranked side, Vilita, at the Newport City Stadium. Taking on Vilita will clearly be the biggest challenge of the entire World Cup campaign, but the Goldhorns have historically performed strongly in low-pressure, high-stakes scenarios. With Sargossa taking on Audioslavia as well, it is a matchday that will be key to determining the qualification scenarios from Group F.

We’ll have complete coverage of World Cup 84 from Baker Park, as the Goldhorns march on against Vilita. Come on you Goldhorns!

Match Report
Siovanija and Teusland 1-0 Sargossa, @ Queen Victoria Stadium

Lineup: Heuser; Steimle, Klopfer, Jager, Lotbiniere (Helmke 74’); Mihailov, Kramer, Dimitrov (Brotzmann 77’); Romanov (Tauscher 74’), Kogler, Ribbeck
Goals: Michael Ribbeck 72’
Stelburger Zeitung Man of the Match: Thorsten Kramer

[Banija]

Banijans drop opening match of World Cup 83 to Farfadillis as they face a must win matchup against HUElavia


Dejected Banijan fans after Matchday 1

NEW LAKELAND, CASSADAIGUA- So of course, we have a large contingent of reporters in Cassadaigua, reporting live from the World Cup itself. But the best place to watch the game, unless you were at Five Star Mobile Stadium itself, was certainly in Busukuma. The question, of course, was not whether or not there would be a party, but who would be throwing the party. Of course, since recent governmental chaos within Farfadillis forced plenty of their citizens to flee, and as we are their closest geographical neighbor in Atlantian Oceania, a number of Farf refugees have lived in Banija for quite a while. There an estimated 100,000 or so Farf refugees throughout the country, mostly concentrated in communities closest to Farfadillis- an estimated 50,000, or around 50% of that number, live in Busukuma alone, while the rest are spread throughout the country, but mostly places in Kitara and in Istria. When Banija and Farfadillis faced off in World Cup 82, Busukuma was alive, with most bars of course supporting Banija obviously, but with Farf Village, the neighborhood where many Farf refugees live, alive and well with Farfadillis colors. Farf jerseys everywhere, the police out in order to separate fans, it was an incredible environment. Watch parties across the city, although not much intermingling between the two sets of fans.

So when this was announced as the opening matchup of World Cup 84, fans from both sides were excited. It would be a top 10 battle between the Kadongo Kamu and Farfadillis. The Banijans, just finally seeming to arrive to the upper echelons of international football(for now, at least), with our Pot 1 status in hand and our stunning #3 world ranking, behind the two-time defending AOCAF winner and the defending World Cup champions Equestria, and the five-time World Cup winners Vilita. Farfadillis, of course, ranked 9th, is not the team that the Banijans would have wanted to draw out of Pot 2. They play sublime, pressing, attacking football, a style that the Banijans can have struggles with in the back. With players like Xíxì Êns always threatening for Farfadillis, they are a tough matchup for anyone to draw. It's not like there were any favorable matchups within Pot 2- it was stacked, with former World Cup winners Valanora and The Holy Empire highlighting the stacked pot, alongside teams like Apox and Mriin. As the saying goes, there are no easy games at the World Cup, but this one was particularly fraught.

So you add the nerves of this geographic matchup, the fact that in our nation's capitol, Farf fans and Banijan fans would be intermingling, and it made for an electric atmosphere. But that was what made it similar to World Cup 82. For this, the atmosphere in Busukuma would be even more electric. Why? This time around, our nation is co-hosting the Cup of Harmony with Xanneria. So not only do you have locals tuned into these games, the day after the Banija v. Farfadillis game, you would have Kelssek and Hapilopper playing a massive group stage tilt at the Stadium of the Restoration. So you did not just have two sets of fan in the city- you had four sets of fans in Busukuma- Banijan fans, Farfadillis fans, Hapilopper fans, and Kelssek fans, though obviously the latter two sets of fans were not here to watch the Banijan World Cup game. But still, they were here, weren't they? And as watch parties were erected across the city, one can say that it did not go as well from a policing perspective.

That is not to say that things descended into chaos in Busukuma. But last time when these teams met, there was almost strict fan segregation within the city. But now, when you have Cup of Harmony matches here as well at the same time, these public security forces can find themselves stretched a little bit thin. And that happened here. Every single bar in the city seemed to be packed to its maximum capacity. Visiting fans from Kelssek and Hapilopper who just needed something to do while waiting for their game the next day would have a great time during this match, as beaches and what not were empty. But of course, with the number of street watch parties reduced in Farf Village, there was a significant number of Farf fans at what were originally designated as Banijan fan watch parties across the city. A whole lot of shit talking, a heck of a lot of drinking, and little incidents of contained violence.

At Five Star Mobile Stadium itself, the crowd was dominated by fans of the Kadongo Kamu. While it is hard to get an exact number, Banijan fans sapped up tickets for this matchup, and came in droves to Cassadaigua. Of course, there is always the Banijan tradition of fans showing up to tournaments without tickets, and just taking over a city, but for this matchup, it was quickly sold out as it was one of the top matchups of this group stage. Almost 3/4s of the fans in the stadium were Banijan fans, and boy, were they loud. A home environment away from home- you could easily feel as if you were watching this game at the Stadium of the Restoration, with the amount of green and white in the stands. Fans excited for this tournament made their presence very well known, and the city was packed with visiting fans. There was certainly the occasional scuffle between Banijan fans and Farf fans, considering the history, but otherwise an environment that could have potentially been chaotic, with ticketless Banijans roaming around the city, full of beer-induced confidence, was expertly handled by Cassadagan authorities.

And now, for the game itself. The frenzied chaos that was threatening to happen outside the stadium, both in Brattleboro and back home in Busukuma, was actually happening on the field. Both teams are offensive minded, with Farfadillis in particular famous for always putting as much pressure on the opponent's defenses as possible. The best defense is a great offense, is it not? And when it took just 3 minutes for Xíxì Êns to hit the post, both sets of fans knew that they were in for a game that could potentially be an all-time classic. Both sets of teams were getting up and down the field, but a high-paced, high octane game was always going to be in the favor of Farfadillis. That's exactly how they liked to play things, so it was no surprise when star striker Xíxì Êns gave his team the lead. A nice through ball from rue Cazade put him in on goal, one on one with Bereket, and the Banijan goalkeeper did not have a chance, as Xíxì Êns cheekily chipped the ball over his head to give his team a 1-0 lead, and excite the travelling Farfadillis supporters.

But this game was far from over, the goal would be far from decisive. It was just the beginning. The Banijan faithful were not going to be dejected here, not at this World Cup that could potentially be a moment of triumph. Even though they were temporarily rejected after the goal, they kept singing, and kept roaring this team on. They were making incredible amounts of noise, and the Kadongo Kamu started to respond to the energy that our fans were providing. Kizza Okafor, who scored against Farfadillis in World Cup 82, had a chance to get another World Cup goal for himself in the 15th minute, but a fantastic save from Íüé Tgô denied the central midfielder his goal. The Banijans would maintain the pressure on Farfadillis, as they did not want to let Farfadillis get out to a 2 goal lead. Just a few minutes later, the captain would step up. Gitonga Kahara, in a brilliant piece of play that showed why he is such a big superstar, was able to beat three different Farf defenders on the dribble in a series of brilliant moves towards goal. His sublime finish in the 22nd minute gave the Banijans quite a goal, and the green and the white in the stadium roared. The game was level, and nobody thought that either team was done scoring.

Neither team was done scoring. The Banijans would continue to pile on the pressure for the next 10 or so minutes, culminating in Kawsu Kaba getting a free header off of a corner kick. Unfortunately for him, he missed the golden opportunity to give the Kadongo Kamu their first lead of the night, as his powerful header went just over the crossbar, as the Farf goalkeeper just watched helplessly. Those missed opportunities can come back to bite, and it certainly did fro him. From that moment on, it would be Farfadillis that would begin to pile the pressure onto the Banijans. They had an extended spell of possesion, as their five man midfield was able to exert control over the match. An overhead ball was played to Xíxì Êns in the 39th minute, and he got behind the defense and hit a first time volley into the back of the net. As he celebrated, however, VAR looked at the replay of the goal. It seemed as if Xíxì Êns was just a half step offsides- it was harsh, but objectively correct. The goal was overturned. No matter. That breathed fire into the Farfadillis team, who did not relent until they scored just before halftime, when Holdenberg(Eura) striker Oskar Holsteiner hit a shot first time into the back of the net. No video review there- a great goal that gave his side a 2-1 lead before halftime.

Was it harsh to be down a goal at halftime? Maybe, but not that harsh. The Banijans were going to come out in the second half swinging, and they started to apply the pressure onto Farfadillis themselves. This wasn't World Cup 82, where the Banijans would try and sit back, playing with fear. This team would go after any and all of its opponents, playing to win, rather than playing not to lose. And that mentality paid off in the 53rd minute, when Ilman Jawara equalized, assisted by Namakula Kawesa. She was having a great game, playing with confidence after the Pasargan club Tanrısal decided to drop $15 million NSDs on her just before the start of the tournament. That makes her, of course, the second most expensive Banijan of all time. But we'll talk about her club fortunes later. The score was 2-2, and the game was getting more tense. It felt like a true heavyweight fight, as the two top 10 sides both wanted to win.

It seemed as if Banija had the momentum. The first half was a series of swings, the game shifting back and forth between the Banijans and Farfadillis. But in the second half, the Banijans really started to exert themselves. That second goal gave them confidence, and they wanted to be the team that would find the third. Marcus Waters was never a fan of settling for draws, and he really went for this one. Ablie Kah came into the game for Kizza Okafor just a few minutes after Jawara's equalizer. The pair of fresh legs gave this team a new wind, especially in the midfield, and allowed them to control the game for a long stretch of time. Everybody was taking their shots. Kahara had a hit from distance that just missed the goal. Nzo tried to score his first career Finals goal, and just barely missed the back of the net, as a brave Íüé Tgô denied him in a one on one opportunity. They were some good chances, but Banija had not hit yet. But it was clear that Farfadillis was reeling, and Marcus Waters really wanted to get all three points here.

But managers aren't paid the big bucks to just stand there when something like this happens. Tuzzio, the Farf manager, took off Holsteiner, and brought on Edmün Çídh, the teenage phenom. Just 19 years old, trying to announce himself on the world stage. They needed some fresh legs, and boy, they got them. Edmün Çídh can really fly up the field, and it did not take long for him to make an impact. On another Banijan attack, a poor pass by Ablie Kah was intercepted by Sürgân t'Öéséné, and before you knew it, they were on the counter-attack. The Banijans had lost their discipline, and Farfadillis flying up the field was going to be a terror for this retreating Banijans to try and defend. Kawsu Kaba, in particular, was out of position, and it was going to be a serious problem for the Kadongo Kamu. A great ball was played to Lüí Wçêíl, who was racing up the left sideline, and he sent in a cross around the 18. Edmün Çídh chested the ball, and then volleyed it into the upper corner. It was a stunning goal for the teenager, and what a way to announce your arrival, right? A game-winning volley on the biggest stage this sport has to offer. He was mobbed by his teammates after that one, and the Banijans were dejected.

After all that effort had seen them concede, the team was deflated. They, of course, had a sense of urgency, but they were off the rest of the game. They seemed rattled, and Farfadillis easily closed this game out to capture all three points. Marcus Waters gave credit to their Atlantian Oceania opponents. "Winning games at the World Cup Finals is hard- and Farfadillis has been doing this year in, year out, for quite a few years. They don't feel pressure on the world stage, as they consistently rate among the best of the best. This is the first time we've entered a World Cup with this amount of expectation, and now, those may be reset. All the credit in the world to them for earning three points. But don't sleep on our team- there were a lot of things we did well, though we need to clean up some other areas, especially in the back. Expect an invigorated side when we come out in New Lakeland in a couple of days to play HUElavia."

When HUElavia won their first ever World Cup match against Zwangzug, that changed things dramatically. A win for HUElavia against Banija would effectively knock Banija out of the World Cup with a game to play- which would be disastrous, considering the expectations we had entering this tournament. And it would also be the mother of all upsets, considering they were ranked 42 spots behind us. But they have as good of a chance as anyone. They have nothing to lose, and are happy to be here. With many HUElavians travelling to Cassadaigua as well, it is likely to be close to a 50/50 split in the stands. We'll have to contain attackers like Cristiano. But they know that we will be getting forward, as a draw puts our hopes in peril, and a loss eliminates us completely. We really need three points, and everyone knows that. Expect them to sit back and try to hit us on the counters. We'll have to break down this packed in defense, and then doing so without exposing ourselves in the back. It will be a tall order- and this team now has even more pressure upon it. Can the Kadongo Kamu rise to the occasion in New Lakeland? We'll find out soon enough.

[Sargossa]

Towards the corner of Ezriquay’s rustic Queen Victoria Stadium a left wingback drove forward. Saúl Escribano jinked beyond a covering defender and without looking up fired a ball low and hard across the penalty area. It bisected the Goldhorn’s keeper and defence but eluded the outstretched boot of Diego Alejandro Costa, the only Sargossan within relatively reach.

On the touchline Rodrigo Defederico wheeled away in annoyance. He caught the attention of his assistant and raised a finger to the corner of his eye. Assistant coach Raúl Churín wasn’t entirely sure if the boss was indicating his annoyance that Escribano had wasted a promising attacking position by not looking before attempting a pass or if he was miming a bullet to the head.

Defederico turned back to the action, arms firmly folded across his chest. Such were the fine margins of international football that twenty qualifying matches and eighteen months of hard work were unravelling in the space of ninety minutes. Siovanija and Teusland were making their World Cup debuts and they were enjoying themselves. Enjoyment that crescendoed with a low drive from Michael Ribbeck that found the bottom corner. Precious minutes were ticking away and the Goldhorns were shutting up shop.

‘It’s a job that’ll hollow you out if you let it’. Defederico remembered the words of the great Ernesto Farías, his coaching mentor who had spent three separate spells in charge of the Corsairs. Certainly it was a job that stuck you firmly in the spotlight unlike anything else. He’d known that from his club management days, how literally everyone had an opinion. How everyone was a critic. But Dunas was a city of around a million people. A relatively small number of critics compared to a nation of somewhere in the vicinity of three billion. It’ll ‘hollow you out if you let it’. He remembered the words. He also remembered the palpable relief of Rafael Barrios, the man he succeeded, when the pressure had been removed from his shoulders. Perhaps it was finally time for a change of scenery. The previous longest serving incumbent of the big blue chair, Elías Carrasco, had overseen eighty-nine matches. This was Defederico’s one hundred and thirty fifth at the helm.

Out on the pitch Karl-Heinz Jager, ludicrously assured for a twenty two year old making his first bow at the Finals, snuffed out an attempted ball forward, He laid it off to Edgar Steimle. The smart move would be to hoof it long, to get it as far from the goal as humanly possible. But the 1912 Stelburg fallback was enjoying the limelight and attempted to play it out from the back. Brotzmann hadn’t anticipated his teammate’s more cavalier choice and was left flat footed as César Goyoso nipped in front of him. In one fluid movement the Sporting San Marquez maestro stole the ball and played a perfectly weighted pass for Miguel Ángel Berganza to run on to. With defenders caught on the heels by the lightning quick changeover Berganza raced away towards goal, Goldhorns trailing in his wake.

In his mind’s eye Defederico pictured himself in the same position. Bearing down on goal, the keeper racing out to meet him. Composure was the key. A delicate clipped ball would beat the keeper and bounce inexorably into the empty net. Unfortunately for the coach he wasn’t the one bearing down on goal. Instead Berganza went for power. A low drive that clattered into the leg of Ewald Heuser, who had spread himself bravely, and looped wide of the goal. Defederico’s hands went to his head. A gesture echoed by Sargossan fans in the stadium and millions watching back home.

It was the final act of drama. The referee blew his whistle and Defederico walked over to his opposite number, congratulating Gavin Hughes on a fine performance and wishing him and his side luck against Vilita before letting the Apoxian re-join his celebrating staff. The Corsair’s boss headed down the tunnel, Churín by his side. In the other group game Audioslavia were in the process of being beaten by Vilita, making the next fixture between Corsairs and Bulls a do-or-die affair. But with Vilita lurking for Sargossa in the final match even a win over the nine time finalists probably wouldn’t suffice. Perhaps it really was finally time for a change of scenery.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

OOC: All due apologies to the Monty Python team, the Dallas family (yes, I know Dazza and Hanna weren't twins), and Vilita/Turori


The Knights of the Oblong Table In....

THE QUEST FOR THE HOLY GRAIL GRAIL-SHAPED WORLD CUP

The Tale of Sir Therapon the Chaste

"Open the door! Open the door! In the name of Lord Juan Tzimisces, open the door!

"Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Newport City."

"The Castle Newport City?

"Yes. Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? They don't have very good castle names here in Baker Park, do they? But we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need!"

"You are the keepers of the Grail-shaped World Cup?"

"The what?"

"The World Cup! It is here!"

"Oh, but you must be exhausted following your brave and ever so tiring 4-2 victory over Reçueçn, and you must rest awhile. Girls!

"Yes, milady?"

"Prepare a bed for our guest!"

"Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"Away! Away, varletesses. The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big."

"Well, look, I-- I, uh--"

"What is your name, handsome knight?"

"Sir Therapon ... the Chaste"

"Mine is 'Dazza'. Just 'Dazza'. Oh, but come."

"Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail-shaped World Cup!!

"Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious. That was a very nasty knock you took in the 75th minute which required your substitution by Sir Morholt..."

"You watch football?"

"Oh, yes; it is one of our few recreations in this lonely keep; that and drinking delicious chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo"

"No, look. I have seen it! The World Cup here in this--"

"Sir Therapon! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality?"

"Well, I-- I, uh--"

"Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear, watching the World Cup 84 highlights, and drinking delicious, silky-smooth, lip-licking, and oh-so-tempting chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!"

"No, no. It's-- it's nothing."

"Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! We saw how you were stretchered off in the 75th minute! No, no, please! Lie down."

"Well, what seems to be the trouble?"

"They're doctors?!"

"Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes."

"B-- but--"

"Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctors, practise your art."

"Try to relax."

"Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?"

"We must examine you, brave Sir Knight"

"There's nothing wrong with that!"

"Please. We are doctors. Here, have a mug of delicious chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo."

"Say, this is delicious; what did you say it was... No! Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity!"

"Back to your bed! At once!"

"Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail-shaped World Cup!"

"There's no grail here."

"I have seen it! Dazza!"

"No, I am Dazza's identical twin sister Hanna."

"Oh, well, excuse me, I--"

"Where are you going?"

"I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!"

"Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Dazza"

"Well, what is it?

"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Dazza! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is World Cup-shaped; and therefore Grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem."

"It's not the real World Cup?"

"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Dazza! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! And here in Castle Newport City, we have but one punishment for setting alight the World Cup-shaped beacon: you must tie her down on a bed and spank her."

"A spanking! A spanking!"

"You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me."

"And spank me!"

"And me!"

"And me!"

"Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!"

"A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking!"

"And after the spanking, the chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo!"

"The chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo! The chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo!"

"Hmmmm.... Well, if there's going to be some of that delicious chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo, I could stay a bit longer."