[Name] Flushing Away the Forest
[Desc] A recent study found less than twenty percent of @@NAME@@’s toilet paper manufacturers use recycled content in their toilet paper.
[option] "We cannot let one our greatest natural resources just go down the toilet!" cries Etta Thumberg, a prolific environmentalist. "These manufacturers are absolutely a pain in the butt for the environment. You absolutely must force them to switch over to recycled products if you want to keep trees around. Who cares if it feels a little rougher on our bottoms; it’s our planet we’re talking about!"
[effect] doctors are noting an increase in visits dealing with itchy butts
[option] "This is just the price we pay for making our tooshes feel good," butts in the head of @@NAME@@’s largest toilet paper manufacturer while carrying a package. "Everyone knows we make kick-butt, ultra-soft, pleasant feeling toilet paper. We only use the highest quality virgin-fiber paper, harvested from the renowned @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Northern Forest. Here, I even brought some with, why don’t you try some for yourself? You'll see why we should be allowed to continue our #2 business as usual."
[effect] @@LEADER@@’s butt has never felt better
[option] "Did ya hear that Brancaland has installed bidets on their toilets?" asks your niece, who recently got back from a trip abroad. "Apparently they're supposed to good for the environment or something, which makes sense because of no more toilet paper. It's going to cost pretty, er, maybe a dirty penny in this case, but I bet it'd help us out in the long run. Plus, they kinda feel good down there, too. Ha!"
[effect] @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are @@REGION@@-renowned for having the cleanest bottoms
Changelog:
- Completely changed option three from getting rid of toilet paper to install bidets everywhere
- Edited option one for clarity of what the speaker is asking for, edited effect line
- Edited option two slightly for clarity
- Removed capitalist validity