The Gallagher Herald [IC-News][DO NOT POST]

[Cartoonia]

With rising political and international tension in the US and the Middle East, Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo postponed negotiations for Texas with President Donald J Trump to a time that was agreed on by both parties. To recap on those who don’t know, in January, days after the new year of 2020, a US airstrike in Baghdad has killed General Qasem Soleimani who led the Quds Force. In the eyes of the free world, he was seen as a General who was against freedom and supported terrorists. It is unknown to the Cartoon Public if he supported and supplied weapons to leaders and cultists of the Second Tower of Heaven. His death led to Iranian politicians to chant death to America. If America falls, then the rest of the world falls. With such high tensions going around, Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo considered in the best interest of everyone that talks about Texas be postponed to a later date. That date has not been released to the general public, but talks between the Supreme Leader and the President have concluded in such. In a press conference earlier today, he states that “America is already going through so much in the past week and month, from that Kim rebel in our colony in North Korea to impeachment, I think it’s not a good time to talk about handing Texas over to us yet. Once this whole ordeal is over, we will be able to talk”. On the topic of Iran, Cartoonia debates whether or not to get involved with the conflict that could easily end up becoming the Third World War. In the Primary and Secondary elections, Candidate Jellal Fernandes of the Cartoon Party of The Royal Crusades pledged to help end the conflict in the Middle East, but with him out of the final running, it will be up to the two candidates to figure out Cartoonia’s international military policy. Shall we go into a state of imperial isolationism, or will we support our allies across the sea and fight in this conflict? Only time will tell.
-Lucy Heartfillia, Head-writer for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Having been awhile since the whole US-Iran incident earlier this month escalated, with relative peace for now, Cartoon House reopens the argument on Texas. In a recent Unlocked stream in the US, voice actor Vic Mignogna addresses the harassment scandal surrounding him and some of the employees at Funimation. Apparently, Sean Schimmel, the English voice of Cartoonian renowned strong man, Son Goku in Dragonball (another Cartoonian Export from Japan), hates Vic because of his Christianity, which is pretty much the second majority religion of Cartoonia besides Toontholosism, which has roots in Christianity. It doesn’t help that Cartoonia has always and will always preach religious tolerance as long as it is not harmful. Apparently, that does not go for the same in the Texan company of Funimation. “It’s a disgrace to my character and my religion” says Goku, who is a follower of the Heart Purity Temple, which like every other religious institution in Cartoonia preaches tolerance. He adds that “This man does not deserve to voice me any longer”.

Cartoonia has always kept these cartoon companies under a close eye and made sure that everything goes perfectly smooth, but with these current events, more than a dozen Cartoon companies withdrew from the more liberal Hollywood companies. With this in mind, the Cartoon House finally made their decision on the annexation of Texas agreement and with a vote of 580 - 18, Cartoon House finally passed annexation over to Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo. “This is good for the preservation of the art of our culture in countries like America” Jimmy Kudo says in a press conference. “With tensions out of the way, we can finally go ahead with the negotiations”. The liberals of Cartoonia have opposed territorial expansion, but overturned, they have been defeated. Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo will meet with President Donald Trump on March 3 of this year in a Publicized state visit. He will discuss the terms and conditions of annexation. Right now, former Commodore Melty Q Melromarc of the Cartoon Coast Guard will be ushered in as imperial Governor General as soon as Texas is officially annexed. For now, our government waits patiently for more news.-Alphonse Elric, Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Thanks to the diplomatic side of Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo, a war has been avoided between the Democratic Republic and the Jingoistic Star of Crossoveria. During a routine patrol in the Western Pacifica province, the 12th Army’s 726th Platoon came into contact with soldiers of the ACE. The Cartoon Department of Foreign Affairs has no information on what this group actually is. What they do know is that they have been secretly turning our children into animals for decades. Outraged, the Supreme Leader ordered his troops into armed trenches and to wait for the order to fire. In the meantime, the Supreme Leader furiously wrote numerous telegrams to their Supreme Leader, Marie BonAztire about the whole situation. For a few moments, Jimmy denounced Crossoveria because of the numerous abuses against children and unwarranted aggression on our home territory. After a series of telegrams, Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo and Supreme Leader Marie BonAztire came to an agreement, where she will recall her troops and respect Cartoon Sovereignty, as well as repeal anti-child laws. In return, Cartoonia is to not export Trix products, which is fine since it is an American product. “This is great news for our diplomatic relations” Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo states. “This proves that our pro-child, pro-imperialism policies help both our nations prosper. War has been avoided today, and soon we will begin proper diplomatic relations”. The Supreme Leader has planned to get foreign relations off the ground as soon as he returns from the United States. This is a great development for our neighbors as relations begin to neutralize.
-Alphonse Elric, Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

In a landmark treaty, the state of Texas officially becomes a territory of the Democratic Republic of Cartoonia. President Donald Trump and Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo signed the Treaty of Washington that sold Texas for $26.5 Billion. The terms of the treaty on Cartoonia’s Side was to repeal the Cartoon House Act No. 400 that lifts the embargo on Anime-American goods. America is also allowed to keep some territories within Texas and in the territory of Southern California, Los Angeles is returned to the US. “This was never about resources or anything like that” Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo explains to the press corps, “This is about the sanctity of our products away from American politics and administering our justice system on Funimation. The Funmation situation is already looking grim, as there is no sign of justice for Mr. Vic Mignogna, who’s termination spurred this whole debate in the first place.

On March 10, Cartoon House’s Council will ratify this treaty and help comply with the terms and conditions. A ceremony will follow on March 14th bringing the new administrative power over the newly acquired territory. Former Cartoon Coast Guard Commodore Melty Q Melromarc will be placed as Imperial Governor General of the territory. The 12th Cartoon Imperial Army Battalion will be formed to maintain order and stability under the command of Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff. An inquiry of Funimation will begin on March 20th. Any qustions and concerns should be addressed to the Supreme Leader or the Foreign Office. This is truly the beginning of a new imperial era for Cartoonia.
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

In these trying times, Cartoonia pushes through to provide aid around the world. Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo signed a resolution from Cartoon House that approved the creation of ten new naval hospital ships to add to the three hospital ships already commissioned. These hospital ships will take the design of the SS United States of the 1950s and will accommodate 3,500 people, which will be larger than the three hospital ships, which were of the Queen Mary’s design and holds 3,000. The next day, Gran-Admiral Kagura Mikazuchi approved the creation of a new naval aid fleet. The 1st Naval Aid Fleet will be under the joint-command of Admiral Reinhard van Astrea and Admiral Subaru Natsuki and will consist of the three already built hospital ships, the ten new hospital ships, and two aircraft carriers as command posts. These ships will hold various officers, naval doctors, civilian doctors, nurses, and other medical staff, military and civilian. Included among the staff is renowned Teen doctor Keine Kanzaki who was indeed in the middle of cancer research. In an short interview with Gallagher Herald, she states that “the current pandemic is more important than cancer research at the moment” and as soon as she finishes off the pandemic, she will return to cancer research.

The fleet will also consist of six freighters on loan from Kirkland International Shipping Company and will provide nations with getting through with current supply shortages. Farms, factories, and other resource industries have been drafted by the Cartoon Government to provide the goods and materials to provide aid around the world while not having to ration supplies for the rest of Cartoonia. There will also be two research ships to help in the research in a vaccine for the virus. The crew also includes members of the Cartoon Merchant Marines and the Cartoon Army. The fleet will split into two squadrons where one serves the affected territories in the empire, and the other serves different nations around the world. The Supreme Leader and Cartoon House’s Chancellor is doing whatever they can to eradicate the Coronavirus and help other nations in this time of crisis. With no signs of COVID-19 among Cartoonians at home, everyone must do their bit in the battle against this virus. The pandemic is not going to let down the Cartoon spirit. All Cartoonians must do their part. Do not step out of the country, do what the government advises you to do, and practice standard hygiene practices. Together we can defeat the virus together.
-Alphonse Elric, Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

In the past months or so. Cartoon Public opinion on China and its government has gone way, way, way down due a lot of reasons beyond belief. From COVID-19 to Chinese international censorship, the Cartoon people finally had it up to here with communist incompetence of the Chinese government. GOCP candidate Loud Kiddington expressed his anger and disgust with the communist government of China and he explained that he would close Cartoon trade and demand reparations from China for the whole pandemic, as well as seek to make China recognize The sovereignty of Taiwan and Hong Kong. At a press conference in Townsville’s Chinatown, he states that “The Chinese people and their culture is not to blame for this pandemic, but rather the incompetence of Xi Jinping and the evil communists running China”. Through this and previous incidents in America and Venezuela, Cartoonia is beginning to view socialism and communism as not idealistic to Cartoon values. Kiddington would go as far as saying that “Socialism is the real virus going around now”. With this in mind, Cartoon Communist Labor Party Leader Papa Smurf of the Smurf Village Commune formally resigns from the position. In his last act too, he formally dismantled the CCLP, ending years of Communist party support in Cartoonia. “In this age we live in, communism is the result of this terrible political divide” Papa Smurf said as he resigned from office. “I’m afraid communism must become silent for the time being until the situation is taken care of”.

Meanwhile, in South Park, things are turning poorly for the Jonestown Liberal Party. Several of the members of the party have claimed to be radical feminist socialists who wish to overthrow the current “patriarchy” and instead replacing it with a matriarchy, abolishing rights for white men. Other members have claimed that they just want to protect persecuted people and keep everyone’s well being in mind, no matter who they are. “Creating a new persecuted group is not going to solve anything,” Haruhi says, the leader of the opposition towards the current leadership of the party. “I think we need equality for all, and a few social issues that need to be addressed”. Malty S Melromarc, the current party leader only said “the patriarchy is tearing our party apart. This is exactly why men should not be allowed into office. They only want three things, oppression of free women, sex, and war”. These divides are so large, that Haruhi announced earlier today that she and a couple of others are leaving the party to start the Democratic Federalists Party of Cartoonia, open for all liberal minded people to join, which would be the opposite of the JTLP, who only accepts female citizens. With an old established party gone, and a new party rising, the liberal divide only thickens the political landscape of Cartoonia in this time of crisis.
-Alphonse Elric, Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

In what are serious times ahead, Cartoonia faces a new threat to its sovereignty. Following up on the peace agreement story, Queen Marie BonAztire was deposed by the “apparent” heir to the throne of Crossoveria, Liane Repeerc. She has then gone to form The United Socialist States of The Imagination Animals. The government in charge is one of the worst organizations in the world. The Anti-Child Exposure Inc. referred to as ACE, has taken control of the government in the new state and forced the leader to break all contracts and treaties with Cartoonia, thus unknowingly reigniting a Cold War between the two nations. In Cartoonia, tearing up international agreements is a surprise declaration of Cold War, as this organization is against everything Cartoonia stands for, including the ACE abolishing child rights, safety, and implementing child tourture and poverty. This Cold War is ideological but that is to soon change.

Recently, Cartoon Intelligence concluded that a full-scale conventional conflict is inevitable, with secret messages of a coup d’etat coming up by ACE. When ACE gets into power, the terrorists will begin an invasion of the Cartoon mainland. With Cartoonian lives at stake, the Joint Military Base of Fort Nicole Watterson in Elmore on the Western Pacifica Province will combine forces into the 23rd Joint Defense Task Force under the command of Brigadier General Ludwig Weillschmidt, a graduate of the Toon Point Military Academy in 1994, a well seasoned officer who fought in Cartoonia’s recent engagements. They are ready to defend the beaches in the event of invasion. Citizens have also been advised to arm themselves and cities have prepared the anti air weapons in case of airborne threats. Vice Admiral Cree Summers will also be commanding a naval force to attack any terrorist naval ships. As Cartoonia gears for defense, many Cartoonian politicians would not want to go to war. “I think the socialist terrorists should invade Cartoonia” says Jonestown Feminist Party Leader Malty Melromarc. “They see the patriarchal society of Cartoonia as a threat to the world”. Some people say this is treasonous, others ignore the loud feminist in the room. The other politicians believe that war is the only way to get these terrorists to stop and to enforce the treaties set by Cartoonia. “The socialist terrorists have no control on the freedom of the citizens as terrorists seem to do best” says the former candidate of the 2019-2020 chancellor elections Councilman Loud Kiddington. “We need to engage in conflict the put an end to this terror on children”. The Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo has sent telegrams to our nation's allies to help combat the threat of these terrorists as reinforcements, however with social distancing regulations different in other nations at this time, it is uncertain if Cartoonia will have the allies it needs to fight the menace. Right now, the threat of war overlooms the country during these troubled times.
-Hoagie P Gilligan, Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

After 10 years in office, the peaceful exchange of power has come. Chancellor Erza Scarlet’s term has completed and coming into the office is the chancellor-elect Nigel Uno, the candidate of the Cartoon National-Kid Party. At just 10 years old, he is considered one of the youngest chancellors Cartoonia has ever had since Ash Ketchum in the 1990s and Gumball Watterson in the 1960s. Nigel Uno was a member of the KND Corps at just 7 years of age, and was one of the most prominent member of the corps. He currently holds the rank of Captain of V regiment while holding the office of Secretary of Child Safety. During his tenure as Secretary, he has advised the Supreme Leader on key strategies to help children around the world during the pandemic. He has also helped in the creation of the 1st Naval Aid Fleet to combat the COVID-19 Pandemic. His campaign promises included the passage of more child safety laws, the creation of a international child safety force to combat child labor, poverty, and slavery, education, welfare, and health reforms, environmental works, police funding, and health advancement. At, 11:25 AM, Nigel Uno was sworn in and confirmed to be the new chancellor of Cartoonia by the Chief-Superior Justice of the National Supreme Court Levy McGarden. At 11:30, he was confirmed by Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo to be competent and able to execute the office of the Chancellor. Chancellor Nigel Uno has already picked out the cabinet members he wishes to have serve with him. We welcome this new era of Cartoonian politics and prosperity.
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

As American life begins to crumble, Cartoon Ambassador to the United States Kyoya Ottori has sent a request of resignation to the Supreme Leader. Kyoya Ottori has been the Cartoon Ambassador to the United States of America since 2012 following the resignation of Ambassador Alfred F Jones when he was appointed by Chancellor Erza Scarlet to be Secretary of Imperial Territories. Before his appointment to the ambassador, Kyoya Ootori was the former Secretary of Health and a prominent figure in the ever-increasing health resort industry in Cartoonia. He was a prominent student of the Ouran Academy graduating with full honors and accolades. He furthered his education abroad at Yale University in the United States studying health and law earning a doctorate in both fields. He began his tenure as a civil servant, serving as ambassador to Japan in 1990. Following that in 2000, he served as the Secretary of Health under the Ketchum Administration. In 2010, Chancellor Erza Scarlet appointed Kyoya to the role of Ambassador to the United States overseeing the Obama and Trump administrations.

As of recent, America is turning over its head. In recent years beloved American figures in Cartoonia have been cancelled by the left of America, and cartoons and anime imported from Cartoonia have been frequently censored and scorned by leftest critics. What is most upsetting is that riots have been spurring all over the United States, with many destroying key businesses and destroying pianos too. To add insult to injury, thanks to the pandemic, both sports and arts have been equally impacted until now. Sports teams across America are trying to get back into, with President Trump's support. Where is the arts though? Clearly America has no sense of culture any longer. “I should have seen this coming ever since the riots began, or when Mr. Mignogna was cancelled from the voice acting industry here” said Ambassador Kyoya Ootori. “It is clear that America no longer respects Cartoon culture, nor their own for that matter. I thought I would never see the day where America puts politics and sports first over art and culture. It really is a shame”. Ambassador Ootori’s tenure will end on August 15 at 8:00 AM EST. The US will have no Cartoonian Ambassador until a set time and date when both Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo and Chancellor Nigel Uno will agree on picking a new ambassador. As it seemed that Cartoonian-American relations were being mended, it all begins to crumble all over again. It seems that Cartoon lives do not matter in America anymore.
-Margo Sherman, political-journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

On this day, August 30, 1953, Cartoonia declared its independence from the United States of America, and a year later declared this day Declaration Day. This day marked the humble beginning of the small nation who values democracy and the necessity of a large military. The history of Cartoonia is the history of discontent with old American policies. Before the presidency of Harry S Truman, the US gave partial control of the island colonies to the ruling governors of the time. In both World War 1 and World War 2, various colonists joined the military to fight against Japanese and German aggression. The governors helped chart Cartoonia’s course during these times and the US government wholeheartedly approved their actions. That was until Truman became president and laid off Governor Chad Dickson in exchange for the reviled Governor Richard “Robin” Grayson. With village raids and tax increases in the post-war years, Cartoonians got upset. In secret, the Cartoon Colonial Government convened without Governor Robin and by August 30, declared independence. After a short war, Cartoonia is granted independence in 1954 by President Dwight D Esienhower. Cartoonia has been on the path of progress and prosperity since then under the leaderships of the former governor, the first Supreme Leader Chad Dickson and later his son the current Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo.

This year, Cartoonians celebrate Declaration Day prouder than ever. With their neighbors crumbling left and right, Cartoon patriotism and nationalism has been on the rise. They look at their closest ally America and are glad that they are not with them any longer. “With everything going on in the United States, we are even prouder to have declared independence” said Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo, “We are proud Cartoonians. While America is risking COVID by protesting, we Cartoonians are playing it safe by staying home”. From all of us at the Gallagher Herald, we want to wish Cartoonia a happy birthday and happy Declaration Day! Here is to sixty-seven more years!
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Franklin Sherman, father of renowned Cartoonian film critic Jay Sherman, is appointed by Chancellor Nigel Uno and Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo as the new ambassador to the United States of America after Mr. Kyoya Ootori resigned from his position. Franklin Sherman is a well-known politician in the Cartoon Council who affiliates himself with the Grand Old Cartoon Party and is a supporter of the imperial movement. He was a graduate of Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar. He resides in New New York on the old side of town where he lives in a East-egg mansion that is worth over a whopping 2.3 billion Tooniusas. His estimated wealth is that of Steve Jobs and Bill Gates combined as he owns shares in various businesses including the Krusty-Krusty Fast Food Corporation. He served as mayor of Gallagher from 1970 to 1979 and served as ambassador to Sealand (which was a position he wanted) from 1982 to 1997, and served as Cartoon Secretary of Balloon Doggies (another position he wanted) from 2000 to 2010. The reason for all of these weird positions he wanted is mostly rumors, but apparently his mental health is not… all there. His wife Eleanor claims that “he seems to be a little more cuckoo everyday”. Eleanor also claims that his mental health is putting a strain on their marriage. In the past running as Attorney General for candidate Duke Philips in the 1980s, he was quoted saying “as the first female African-Asian of the Zeref Cult, I’d like to say CARTOONIA STINKS”. Regardless, Chancellor Nigel Uno claims that he is perfect for the role of Ambassador to the United States, given the current political climate. “Given how insane America is looking these days, it is good to appoint a man who seems more grounded in reality than most of the people there” Nigel says. “Mr. Sherman is a nice guy and somewhat intelligent fellow. I’m sure he will help Cartoonian interests in America just nicely”. His ambassadorship will begin at 9:00 AM EST on September 19. We wish Mr. Sherman the best of luck in his new position.
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Artist rendition of the terrorist dictator, Zeeter Saldivar

With the rise of terrorism over in The Imagination Animals AGAIN. Cartoonia will no longer support ties to the nation. This includes its sister nation, Crossoveria. Cartoonia in the past months had to deal with the terrorist group ACE, which grew inside the borders of Crossoveria. This led to a short war on Cartoonian shores which resulted in another Cartoon victory. The manager, Zeeter Saldivar, was said to be dead. But that can’t be further than the truth. The Imagination Animals’ media covering her death had created a deliberate hoax to bide time to bring her back into power as the role of dictator. With threats of war and terror loom again, Cartoonia will officially sever ties between both nations. “Cartoonia and the other two nations close by have no close diplomatic legation within” says Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo in a speech regarding those two. “But since that damned terrorist is back in power, we can no longer support a nation who thrives on Cartoonia’s death”. Foreign Secretary Raphtalia Iwatani will begin shredding the various treaties and accords that are tied between the two nations. Secretary of Defense Ludwig Belishmidt also asks for Cartoonian troops to be stationed on both the beach fronts and prepare all aircraft for invasion intervention, with the arrival of reports from Cartoon Central Intelligence that Crossoverian troops would begin invading and terrorizing children on Halloween. “Of course, if any other option has run out, we are not afraid of using the nuclear option, or perhaps the Etherion option” Secretary Belishmidt says in an interview with Channel 6 News. Whatever awaits Cartoonia in the future, it will be from
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Artist rendition of Marie BonAztire, supreme leader of Crossoveria

The Imagination Animals and Crossoveria appear to have been stabilized yet AGAIN. That does not mean that they are fully stable by any means. Cartoonians would know those two nations have been going in and out of stability as much as trains enter tunnels. The Cartoon government is skeptical of this new stability in the Crossoverian government. Like many Cartoonians, they are grateful that their supreme leader Marie BonAztire is slowly rising back in power, but many think it is another hoax like last time. “We have been duped by this nation on several occasions” says Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo, “Everytime we signed agreements and treaties, that organization tore it up and went to war. When we thought their terrorist leader was dead. Fake news! Turns out she was alive and well. We still fear the inevitability of a war in the future. They are just bumping the problem down from one administration to the next”. Secretary of Foreign Affairs, Raphtalia Iwatani would agree with this statement. “It is a serious problem”, she says. “How are we certain that this is real and not for show? Would they be able to regroup and terrorize the world again? We thought it was over last time, but it began again weeks ago. Also, there has been a policy of this so-called “Animalfication” which I personally find offensive”. Secretary of Defense Ludwig Belischmidt might have the solution to the problem. “The problem is that not only was the coup government a totalitarian state, their previous leader was also a totalitarian” he states. “Years of absolute power and no citizen in the country has a say in how the government runs their lives. There does not seem to be any signs of religious freedom and tolerance, she has banned thousands of things without the consent of the people, no fair trial. This isn’t medieval Europe. This is the modern world. What this country needs is a system of representative government, and if there is no such plan on the part of their leader… then we will”. That is exactly what Cartoonia wants. The leaders will sign a ceasefire, however in order to prevent these shenanigans from happening again, a treaty must be signed where Cartoonia will enter a month long military occupation to stabilize and democratize the nation of The Imagination Animals. We hope that peace comes as soon as possible.
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Bureaucratic meddling has once again tarnished a prestigious school into obsoletion, especially one in the sport of tankery. Ooarai Academy located on the coast of the Western Pacifica province has been shut down by the department of education for one major reason press released information states. The main reason being that budget cuts in the education system meant that there had to be some setbacks. The main reason is supposedly understandable considering this entire year has caused financial struggle within the different departments of government. However, Ooarai is one of the more well funded schools compared to Anzio, another school up in Ishgar. The Gallagher Herald is speculating that the real reason why Ooarai is shutting down is an ongoing campaign by the current secretary of education, Peter Charles Patterson. He has publicly stated that he has a distaste for the sport of tankery and would like to see its sport shutdown in Cartoonia.

The sport of tankery has been a well-established sport in Cartoonia since its conception in the 1960s. While other nations have adapted this sport before us, Cartoonia embraced it as a sport to help train young civilians who wish to go into the military. It is a way for young students to learn teamwork, leadership, and the science of tankery. Various Tankery teams have been established in almost all high schools and military academies across Cartoonia, with seven major sporting teams and the Cartoon Military Academy. There was supposed to be an eighth major sporting team, with Ooarai Academy working its way up from the lower ranks winning national championships last year. Ooarai has always been on top of lists of most academically successful schools in the nation, and their tankery team has been gaining recognition. Tankery has been under fire by the Secretary of Education for being what he quotes as “toxic-misogynist sport, an antiquated show of aggression, and a symbol of war and imperialism” although many have stated the opposite. He would also say that the sport “has taken no political stance” like other sports in Cartoonia and America, where he gives examples of great athletic teams taking all kinds of political statements. The student council of the school and the tankery team have protested against the closure. Chancellor Nigel Uno has not returned the comment in regards to whether he authorized the closure. We do not know if Oorai will come back, we don’t know if other schools will follow suit, but this is going to end badly. We all know that.
-Hoagie P Gilligan, Military Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

It seems that there has been confusion in the government, as Chancellor Nigel Uno has come out saying that the action to shut down Ooarai Academy was not authorized through either him or the Supreme Leader. A couple of weeks ago, the Secretary of Education Peter Charles Patterson shut down Ooarai Academy because of the budget situation. However, it was revealed that Chancellor Nigel Uno had other plans to close down other schools but NOT Ooarai which ranks on top of academic success, as well as a rising force in the sport of tankery. The government of course assumes that this was a plan by the Secretary of Education to shut down the sport of tankery all over Cartoonian schools. He has stated several times he loathes tankery. But no one actually would think that he would go attack schools that supported the sport. “Tankery needs to be eradicated from the earth as much as we can. I was not going to stop with Cartoonia. I will make sure that these rules are enforced throughout the world” said PC Pattersion. After the week long Fall recess that Cartoon House takes every year, outrage for Chancellor Uno to do something arose when social media shared their rage when Patterson shared his views and “victory” of this debacle. As of December 2020, Chancellor Uno dismissed PC Patterson following a thorough investigation by Cartoon House. He is now a regular member of Cartoon House for the Jonestown Feminist Party. He is currently in denial of this, adding that 'this is all a conspiracy by the Right-Winged nutjobs'.

As for the vacant spot of Secretary of Education, a week after the dismissal, Chancellor Uno appointed a new candidate for the office. And after the winter recess of Cartoon House, she is now sworn into the office. Mrs. Marge Simpson is now the new Secretary of Education. She is a housewife from the city of Springfield and is a well respected mother in the town. She has no previous experience in public office, but has previously worked as a police officer and a teacher at the local elementary school. “As a proud mother, I believe that I know what is right for children and students of all ages” she states in a press conference after her swearing in ceremony. “As long as any activity helps in the civic participation and health of our nation, then that is something I wish to boolster”. Here is to looking forward of what Mrs. Simpson has instore for Cartoonia’s students!
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Artisit rendition of the government building in Crossoveria

What Cartoonia doesn’t know about their enemies, the better. But unfortunately, when the enemy has sworn to destroy the Cartoonian way of life, the Cartoon government must carry on their plan to defeat them at all costs. It has been over a year since the discovery of the ACE and the two nations Cartoonia dreads to hear of, Crossoveria and The Imagination Animals. It is Cartoonia’s domestic policy that safeguards children and the ideals of childhood. Unfortunately, that was not the domestic nor foreign policies of the enemy. The autocratic nation had their leader form Anti-Child Exposure inc. (ACE) which transformed children into animals not just in their nation, but slowly invading nations left and right. It would appear that they were destined for world domination. But of course, that wouldn’t happen when Cartoonian big-stick diplomacy would have anything to do with it. During the summer transition period between Chancellor Erza Scarlet and Chancellor Nigel Uno, the ACE tried to invade Cartoonia which ultimately failed against the Cartoonian military forces. There were plans to obliterate the Imagination Animals as well since it was a totalitarian state that bred these terrorists to begin with. These operations included a full-blown military invasion, the nuclear option, and the deadliest weapon known to man. However, this would not go through.

Artisit rendition of Zeeter Saldivar (pink hair) and lackeys

In December of 2020, the ACE collapsed under revolution and their leader was arrested, or so they say. In the place of their former totalitarian was a democratic system that Cartoonia would have implemented on them. Cartoonians would have rested easy if it weren’t for the previous precedence that has been set by the nation. Not once, but twice has Cartoonia been screwed over by the ongoing changes in government and revolutions left and right. Cartoon officials have figured that nothing will ever change. “With this nation, our forces are always on high alert,” says Ludwig Belischmidt, Secretary of Defense. “As one administration claims peace, another organization will come and destroy it. We can never be at peace”. Cartoon youth are still living in fear of being murdered and abused by these nationals. “It has been stated time and time again that these people would continue to hurt children. Both at home and abroad,” says Lisa Simpsons, the former Attorney General of Chancellor Erza Scarlet and now the Secretary of Child Welfare. “Judging by the laws of the past administration and the aims of the terrorist organization, there is no surprise that all of this betrayal has been caused by our policies of the importance of youth”. There have been other issues in regards to anthropomorphic animals and demi-humans. “The way their laws have dehumanized anthropomorphic peoples is sick and distasteful,” says Raphtalia Iwatani, the Secretary of Foreign Affairs and a demi-human herself. “This isn’t the nineteenth century, it is the twenty-first. These signs of discrimination are disgusting and insensitive to those who live here”. Cartoon officials have worked out a treaty with the new administration. But there is little hope for it to be signed anyway.
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Cartoon House announces today that all public institutions will be switching to the Weekend Wednesday schedule of work and education. This comes as a surprise to workers and students, but a welcoming surprise nonetheless. This was all founded by a study at the Cartoon University of North Salazar in the Acme Island Province conducted by Professor Charles George Pennington Grey. In this study, he concluded that students with breaks on Wednesdays and Sundays tend to improve on grades and energy more than those with standard weekend breaks. The idea of Weekend Wednesday came about during a survey by students and workers who stated by Thursday that they feel drained out from working, causing a major productivity decline. To increase productivity in both education and industry, it has been proposed that this weekly schedule change to promote well-being and productivity. Not all businesses and schools will be changing to this schedule immediately. Most students will stick to their usual schedule for the remainder of their semester. Private sector businesses will decide if they want to adapt to this new schedule. One thing is for certain is that the public sector will adapt to this new schedule next week. This will surely help change the habits of working Cartoonians for health and productivity.

-Alphonse Elric, Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

Through strife, trial, and determination, Cartoon House was proud to announce the formation of the Cartoon Dominion of North Kernig earlier this evening, a new jewel in Cartoonia’s ever-expanding empire. Since the loss of the Equestrian Territories back in 2018, Cartoonia had hopes of expanding the empire once more, and that same year they had their chance. A devastating war has left the former Craxx Empire, who were notorious warlords back then had fallen by their own doing, leaving nothing but radiated dust in their former empire. While it was most upsetting to see empires crumble, it sparked a golden opportunity for Cartoonia to claim territories as other nations scramble for it themselves. On the fourth of February in 2019, about 250,000 people (settlers, farmers, scientists, militia members, and governing bodies) left Port Dickson and into the North tip of the Kernig Isles. There the port capital of Galicula was founded. The basic construction took a year and a half to complete and was now a prospering port city. A few minor hiccups were involved, including trial and error of crops resulting in either famines or feasts and water supplies being slightly contaminated, but the endeavor has been successful, spurring many more to slowly expand westward with major cities including Mignogna and Squidonia. In early 2020, as Supreme Leader Jimmy Kudo was negotiating with the president of The United States for the succession of Texas into the Cartoon Empire, work began in North Kernig on extracting oil and natural gases on the tip near Galicula. Outward in the west part of the colony, plantations of cotton, rubber, tobacco, and timber (along with sugar, maize, and wheat) were formed to cultivate the rich lands to be used in Cartoonia. A government was set up within Galicula and after reaching one million citizens, with a vote from the Cartoon House of Representatives, the colony is now officially a Cartoon Dominion.

Citizens living in Cartoon Dominions will enjoy living in a small piece of Cartoonia only paying no income tax at all (but still have to pay any sales taxes and a payroll tax). The territory is self-governing with a representative legislature, but still answers the call of the Cartoon Government. In times of war, dominions are expected to join the fight with Cartoonia’s allies. The person in charge of the management of the dominion government is a Imperial Governor General, and the IGG of North Kernig is Nedward Churchill Flanders III, a distant relative of former traditionalist politician Ned Flanders. The new Imperial Governor-General has future plans for the dominion which includes expansion of dominion borders, continued excavation of resources, exploration, research, and the most important thing to him, the spread of Judeo-Christian values on locals and those remaining in the former Craxx Empire. Nedward is a devout Toontholosist, a division of the Catholic faith, and is eager to share his faith to others. He will be joined by Army Major General Rumi Hironaka Mannerheim, who will have joint control of both army and naval operations serving as the commander of joint military forces. This marks the new era for Cartoonian imperial power which political experts says will continue to grow in the years to come.
-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

[Cartoonia]

EDITORIAL: The age of steam travel is pretty much a staple here in Cartoonia. From steamboat ferries to steam-powered rail locomotives. The Cartoon people and economy runs on the power of coal or oil-powered steam, especially rail transport. In Cartoonia, rail transportation is important, with several rail networks connecting different cities and towns. All of these rail networks are connected under one nationalized company called The Cartoon Grand Central Railroad, a quasi-federal corporation that runs the major rail lines linking the different provinces of Cartoonia. This is achieved through long tunnels with its own air filtration system that connects any of the different islands. And this is not a feat of modern 21st-century technology. The tunnels were built in the 1900s by the Cartoon Rail Company, whose president, Louis “Loud” Kiddington, though a young child he was, built the first tunnel system for a transcontinental railroad from Gallagher on the Mainland Province, to Magnolia on the Ishgar Province. Different Railroads from the Ooarai Valley & Central Railroad in Western Pacifica to the Amestria Railroad in Amestria built tunnels and thus were able to connect the railroads together.

Today, Mr. Tenya Iida runs the entirety of the Cartoon Grand Central Railroad, with all of its locomotives built in the town of Resembool. The Resmebool Locomotive Works is the last workshop that builds locomotives from the past centuries. From the LBSCR’s E2 tank engines to PRR K4s, The RLW builds all sorts of steam engines. These steam engines are built and modified to current environmental, rail-gauge, and speed standards. This is not possible without the work of the engineers and construction crews of the workshops, under the ownership of Alexander Louis Armstrong II, the current CEO of the company. With their hard work and dedication, the golden age of steam travel remains preserved and maintained while upgrading them to their highest potential and in regards to the environment. Cartoonians enjoy the luxury and joys of rail travel while getting to their destinations rested and relaxed. And thanks to the railway workers that maintain tracks, signals, tunnels, bridges, and the stations and terminals of every major city, town, and village, the trains run efficiently. This is truly the age of the train!

-Lucy Heartfilia, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

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[Cartoonia]

In the wake of pro-child sentiments ever since the Crossoverian incidents, one can not forget the trauma that young folks had in their childhoods with abusive parents. With many older citizens coming forward with secret abuses, this one takes Cartoonia’s military by surprise. Shouto Todoroki, a former captain in the Cartoon Army before transferring into the civil service as ambassador, recounts the abuse forced on him by his father Enji Todoroki, commonly known as General Endeavor, in his autobiography “The Path Untaken”. General Endeavor was one of the top-ranking generals in the Cartoon Army since 1961, having served as commander in the Philippines back in the 1970s, North Korea in the 1990s, the Middle East, and Somalia in the 2000s. He has since retired with full honors and benefits since early 2010, even after retirement, he was still benignly praised by Cartoon House politicians, he was even assumed that he would have been appointed either Gran-General of the Army, or Secretary of Defense if Mr. Loud Kiddington of the Grand Old Cartoon Party was elected as Chancellor instead of Nigel Uno. In his lifetime, he has always strived to be the highest-ranking general over all others and establish a family dynasty in the military, expecting all of his children to serve as commanders, training them to their limits. Out of all of his children, he had his eyes on his fourth son, Shouto Todorki. “I remember how poorly my father treated me. I wanted to play with my siblings, but my father would take me away for training,” Says Todoroki in an exclusive interview with the Gallagher Herald. “His training methods were unorthodox, I would say that they were inhumane. He would push me until I was sick. I tried to tell him I didn’t want to go on, but he ignored my cries. My mother used to stand up for me, but she fell victim to the domestic abuse given by my father”. He goes on to explain how bad his abuse got, that his mother went insane, scarring the young boy at age 6 years old which made provincial news in the 1980s. “I never want to be like him” he adds. “I do not want to become like that pig of my father”.

Given the strong stance against child abuse, Cartoonian politicans have questioned the general that Enji was made out to be. Up and coming politician in the Western Pacifica Province, Natsuo Todoroki, Shouto’s older brother, came out saying “He would control the diet of my brother. Not allowing him to eat anything unfit for a military commander. He was kept away from my cooking and our sister’s cooking for a long time”. He was in the line to become a commander himself before rejecting his father and becoming a politician. He citied the hypocrisy and denial of freedom as the source of this animosity, he was even the reason Natsuo has been running on a campaign of absolutely no forgiveness for child abusers. With outrage from all persons and parties involved, a military council held in the Department of Defense building have voted to hold a tribunal with the cooperation of Cartoon House and interrogate the case and alligation. “While we encourage the youth to participate in the military through the boy-scouts like organization that is the KND Corps” says Secretary of Defense, Ludwig Belischmidt, “We do not condone of the forced muster of children to be raised as commanders. The KND Corps builds the youth of Cartoonia into strong leaders, but what General Endevour did was downright child abuse, and he must be strictly held accountable”. While the trial goes on, General Endeavor shall be put into custody with all of his assets frozen until the verdict is reached. If the trial finds guilty, he will be stripped of all his honors, medals, and his retirement pension, ultimately stripping him of his title and rank. While he may find a few supporters on his side, General Endeavor has proven that no matter how strong and great a general maybe, he can be easily disgraced for past actions.
-Lucy Heartfilia, Co-Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald

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[Cartoonia]

Captain Hitohito Tadano of the CCGC (Cartoon Coast Guard Cutter) Endurance has completed the last rescue and towing operations of the SS Alizeo outside of Port Dickson, the port serving the national capital of Gallagher. The SS Alizeo is an old paddleboat steamer from AHSCA operating in Abetton and Cartoonia. This Friday, she had run aground on the rocks of the beach just outside the port. Fortunately, no one was hurt too badly by the look of things on both sides, only a few minor injuries, nothing that Port Hospital couldn’t patch up. The ship, owned by the Toyosatsu-Gotoh Company has been rocked by the mists of Cartoonia’s coastlines and what meteorologists at Wigglestien Mountain Weather Station state as “severe winds passing through the coast”. The CCGC Endurance was conducting training exercises at sea and started to head back to the base at Gallagher when she spotted the ship running aground. Captain Tadano ordered his crew to change course to help the ship back on the water and get the passengers safely on land, coordinating with the fire department and hospital.

“We’re just only doing our job,” says Captain Hitohito Tadano. “Our crew spotted the ship as she was trying to approach the port. We have a duty to protect people in our waters to safety”. The Alizeo has been towed into the drydocks of the Gallagher Naval Dockyards for damage inspection by the T-G Company if they wish. After that, they will be repaired free of charge, a service that is offered by the port for any ship in need of repairs after a long journey to Cartoonia. “We are an island nation a few miles from most other ports besides our domestic ports” says Horatio McCallister III, the Executive Director of the Port Dickson Authority. “and with the dangers of the seas most common in our area, we usually keep our dry docks open for all ships as a free service of the port authority”. Let it be known on the record that the captain of the Alizeo Shinobu Yasunaga has fully apologized for the incident to which the Port Authority responds with “no worries. It happens to even the best sea dogs”. Captain Tadano will be awarded the Coast Guard Commendation Medal by the Gran-Admiral of the Coast Guard Joe Swanson for his work on Friday. This stands as a true testament to the motto of the branch, “Semper Paratus” Always Ready.

-Alphonse Elric, Head-Journalist for The Gallagher Herald