Title: Gonna Take My Hearse To The Old Town Road
Validity: Has cars, has sports
Description: A hundred-car-long funeral procession, with an unembalmed body, happened to be passing by the @@CAPITAL@@ stadium after the final game of the national @@ANIMAL@@ball cup. The resulting massive traffic jam lasted for the rest of the day and blocked roads in most of downtown @@CAPITAL@@.
Option 1: “Just make some traffic laws inapplicable to funeral processions,” suggests undertaker “Hit and run” @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@. “The funeral procession only blocked traffic because it couldn’t turn left until the game ended. If funeral processions were given the right of way, then this wouldn’t have happened. I don’t see anything that could go wrong.”
Effect: student drivers learn to never make left turns near funeral homes
Option 2: “Are you kidding me!?” shouts angry sports fan @@RANDOMNAME@@ while making threatening gestures with a @@ANIMAL@@ball bat. “The funeral was responsible for the traffic! You have to make these things go faster. And there should be a maximum of five cars in a procession. If you do this, there won’t be traffic problems anymore, right?”
Effect: street races are only held from the funeral home to the graveyard
Option 3: “It seems to me that the problem is traffic in general,” states your transportation minister while doodling a skull and crossbones on a subway map. “Why don’t you just build public transit systems from the funeral homes to graveyards? Or you could replace the bike holders on buses with coffin holders. This will deal with non-funerary traffic too!”
Effect: commuters have nicknamed the new @@CAPITAL@@ subway ‘The Train of Death’
Option 4: “I have a solution to this problem,” interjects mad scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@ while holding a mouse in one hand and a syringe labeled ‘Formaldehyde’ in the other hand. “The smell problem was caused by the body not being embalmed, so more embalming fluid means no more smell! The necessary bottling plants already exist, so what’s stopping you from doing this?”
Effect: bottled water is no longer preservative free