Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **Nephara** » Mon Nov 25, 2019 5:54 am

Wherever you look to start, you don’t look away from the bloodbath at Lindmark. Ten goals. Ten goals! When Posipal set up Beltrame to make it 3-1 after 50 minutes, you think maybe it’s staunching the bloodflow in an already damaging game for the Spiders. But no, that just gets Athletic mad, and apparently it also gets Mercedes Reeve mad since she’s sent off after her second yellow card and Sabitzer gets a straight red soon after for trying to kill Oscar Coltrane. Shone already tried and failed that, friend. 60 minutes gone, at that stage 4-1, and with half an hour to pile on six more against the nine-man Spiders. Between the posts, Stovar Krieven must surely be instructing his agent to see how life’s looking back at Bishop (not great, but we’ll get to that). Tarala hits the post once and has another shot tipped onto the crossbar by Krieven, and will be feeling filthy over it; no Premiership striker has ever scored more than five, but Tarala does at least match the exalted names of Cheney Bittencourt and, uh, Olgina Harrison, at that level. The other clubs also play some games, Crisisbless consolidating their hold on second with a 3-1 win over Starling, Brinemouth losing to Aries and Treason drawing with Corvistone to fall further behind, Starling, the Chariots and Vermillion (trashed 4-1 by a rebounding Coret) round out the Globe Cup places, Southfell are just outside, and the Moths, held to a 1-1 draw by Newrook, are slumming it in ninth. Really, though, it’s kind of a general scrum from eighth to 20th, no two adjacent teams split by more than a point (bar Stahlburg in 15th to the Bohemians in 16th, though even then, Stahlburg’s two points are offset by inferior GD by seven).

North Sabrefell are looking over their shoulders, and while Newrook and Corvistone are probably too good to go down, you never quite know. Chatswood, Cypher (who crush Southfell 3-0) and Cranequin City (who draw 2-2 with the Harriers) are the next knot of teams, absolutely not too good to go down, fighting to avoid the playoff place. But City, currently occupying it, are six points ahead from a Chenoworth Rovers side who fall flat in a 1-0 defeat to a Creed side in full tailspin. Portia Taani snaps a nine-match scoreless streak to give the Oathmen the win. The Rovers are, at least, four points above the bottom two. Bizarrely, Parrhesia manage to pick up a second straight win, utterly dominating Chatswood. Ystrad beats everyone to head home a Rosborough corner before Vandermark sets up Reus to double their advantage, with a luckless own goal from Bohemund Karling glossing up a 3-0 away win. As River slump to a 4-0 demolition by North Sabrefell, their near neighbours dominating midfield and cruising from there, this means that the Saints are finally not on the bottom of the table. But ten points from even potential safety, it might still be too late.

First hosts second, though that’s by quite a distance at this stage. Moreso after the dust settles, and Leichhardt can boast a composed 2-0 victory over Cranequin Wanderers to open up an imperious seven-point gap on them, twelve on the playoff, fifteen on 5th. South Laithland fall back in the race as well, surprisingly beaten by Stahlburg Rovers on home soil. Well-beaten, at that, with Beatrice Colgan impressively orchestrating attacks from leftback and creaking 37-year old Hansi Westerlow coming off the bench to score the final of the 3-1 win. Morningstar in fourth also fail to pick up maximum points, but similarly protect their lead over their hosts, Diamondqueen, in sixth; keeping the prolific Claudia Escrow from firing is basically a win, though Markus Sefton’s midfield dominance keeps Morningstar from creating much of anything themselves. Chardonnay… also lose, splitting the difference. Leaving Leichhardt as the only side of the top six to win. Beneath Morningstar is basically a slurry of identical teams who could but are individually unlikely to overtake them.

Stahlburg Rovers, Armstrong and Bishop all pick up important wins to pull away from the drop; the Rovers, impressively, outplay South Laithland in Dross, while Armstrong, importantly, physically dominate a naive Alliance in a 2-0 win. Alliance are three to four points beneath that cluster, but four points above danger themselves. The Strongest still can’t defend, and lose 2-0 to Serpentine; they remain a point ahead of Dartmouth, who still can’t score, and succumb 1-0 to Iron. Two managers fall to the events beneath them. An impressive Mantlegrove crush Peregrine 4-1, their fifth straight defeat, and one that condemns Esther Mallory to the sack. Sierra Aurtenetxe’s turn-and-strike in the little space afforded her gives Pillars, still bottom, a good away point in Brookford… and one that gets Otters manager Andrea Betancourt the sack, one win in their last eleven matches probably putting paid to their promotion hopes.

Stepping over the broken bodies of nominal promotion rivals in CNL after a brutal 7-1 away win, West Brinemouth remain undefeated. They have thirteen points on even second place. They will be promoted. Hell, they will win the title.
Locksley are second, more prolific in front of goal than even the Gulls, but they have lost five more times - which is to say, five times. Kreisburg and Heaton continue to make the league their bitch. Crisisbless Athletic and Extreme Hills haven’t exactly looked good, per se, but they just have had a way of grinding past difficult opponents, playing through poor form. And that’s why they’ve opened up a gap on pre-season promotion favourites AFC Rochford, marooned in fifth. Just 31 goals, just ten wins; Audrey Carlock is preaching patience, but patience is in short supply. An impressive 3-2 away in Locksley may have just saved her job. Their last four games before that had just three goals total. Brani Saxton has absolutely not been the saviour, having been outscored by centre-half Mendariz thus far, and Wynona Rampart’s crippling lack of end product has not magically been cured by dropping down a league.

There’s a clear drop-off where the flood of teams in the 30s of points ends, abruptly, with a six-point gap down to Boltcroft Thorns. They’re playing poorly, lack defensive worth, but have clung to the goals of Apotheosis Kaskanis, a man who was absolutely still a fringe Premiership player and has massacred the league with fifteen goals from little service. Gosmouth Swans have had roughly the same results, just with the goals spread out better. Still, the two clubs have carved out a little place of their own, five points clear of 20th-placed Shale and 21st-placed Sheridan, who have a mighty 15 and 12 goals respectively. A goal every other match, and Sherries might still stay up? But they defend well. The bottom three have been pretty wretched; Kommissar have already axed their manager, but Janus Morraine has picked up eight points from his five games so far to give them some hope, most recently against Ballardine to drain away most of theirs, with Brokenarch miserably in between.

Star Players: Weirdly enough all of West Brinemouth’s players are destroying everything. Locksley have coaxed an Indian summer out of Detlef Konstantin, an imperious veteran defensive midfielder who wasn’t even meant to start regularly until a serious injury to Dimitri Konstantinopoulos proved a blessing in disguise. Crisisbless Athletic are fortunate to have retained the services of Ursula Qatintiki, fringe Fleftic international and the league’s best stopper, flying from her box to fight fires and generally, these days, getting there in time. Amidst the middle pack of the league, Barossia United’s young, muscular holding midfielder Markus Teamster has attracted admiring eyes from 1Div for his brutal efficiency chopping people and surprisingly good passing range on the ball, and a cannonball of a shot in his right boot. Aries Solitaire have absolutely not clicked, at all, but their fall has coincided with a serious injury to Sascha Dimitrius that ruled her out for the rest of the season, one that really underlines how good she is and how irreplaceable within the squad she was. Falston United’s Ceynes recruits have impressed, proving the surprising value present within the Isles’ fledgeling league, flying stopper Rasmus Garrick particularly good value, while Southriver owe their continued survival to Cyrus Saebener, a man who has spent too much of his career looking bad in 1Div and not enough punching down in 2Div, though this season in particular he seems to have come along another level.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic       23  15  5   3  64  26  +38  50
  2 Crisisbless              23  15  4   4  48  19  +29  49
  3 Brinemouth               23  14  3   6  40  23  +17  45
  4 AFC Treason              23  11  9   3  42  22  +20  42
  5 Starling                 23  12  4   7  43  26  +17  40
  6 Aries Chariots           23   9 10   4  35  32   +3  37
  7 Vermillion Rage          23   9  9   5  40  28  +12  36
  8 Southfell United         23   9  7   7  37  40   -3  34
  9 Sabrefell Moths          23   8  9   6  45  28  +17  33
 10 Crisisbless United       23   9  5   9  24  33   -9  32
 11 Coret Hawks              23   9  4  10  41  34   +7  31
 12 Chenoworth Harriers      23   8  7   8  32  35   -3  31
 13 North Laithland          23   8  7   8  37  45   -8  31
 14 Creed United             23   9  3  11  32  33   -1  30
 15 Stahlburg City           23   7  9   7  26  31   -5  30
 16 North Sabrefell          23   7  7   9  35  33   +2  28
 17 Newrook City             23   7  7   9  32  33   -1  28
 18 AFC Corvistone           23   8  4  11  30  38   -8  28
 19 Chatswood                23   8  3  12  25  29   -4  27
 20 Cypher Town              23   8  2  13  23  35  -12  26
 21 Cranequin City           23   6  6  11  21  36  -15  24
 22 Chenoworth Rovers        23   4  6  13  21  43  -22  18
 23 Parrhesia United         23   3  5  15  21  51  -30  14
 24 Raven River              23   3  5  15  13  54  -41  14

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Leichhardt                23  16  4   3  42  16  +26  52
  2 Cranequin Wanderers       23  13  6   4  36  23  +13  45
  3 South Laithland           23  14  1   8  40  27  +13  43
  4 Morningstar               23  11  7   5  29  24   +5  40
  5 Chardonnay Rangers        23  10  7   6  35  26   +9  37
  6 Diamondqueen              23  11  3   9  42  26  +16  36
  7 Mantlegrove               23  10  6   7  30  20  +10  36
  8 Corvette Maulers          23  11  3   9  34  30   +4  36
  9 Goodfeather FC            23  10  4   9  33  27   +6  34
 10 Vermillion Wanderers      23  10  4   9  33  28   +5  34
 11 Iron City                 23   9  7   7  22  19   +3  34
 12 Brookford Otters          23   8  9   6  34  30   +4  33
 13 AFC Serpentine            23   8  7   8  26  25   +1  31
 14 Gonen's Bridge            23   8  7   8  26  33   -7  31
 15 Belgrave                  23   8  6   9  40  35   +5  30
 16 Hackett                   23   8  6   9  26  39  -13  30
 17 Stahlburg Rovers          23   7  7   9  33  31   +2  28
 18 Armstrong                 23   7  7   9  24  24   +0  28
 19 Bishop                    23   7  6  10  26  34   -8  27
 20 Alliance Barossia         23   7  3  13  25  37  -12  24
 21 The Strongest             23   5  5  13  25  43  -18  20
 22 Dartmouth Terriers        23   6  1  16  14  36  -22  19
 23 Peregrine                 23   5  4  14  25  48  -23  19
 24 Pillars of Southfell      23   3  8  12  16  35  -19  17

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 West Brinemouth            23  17   6   0  50  16  +34  57
  2 Locksley                   23  13   5   5  52  26  +26  44
  3 Crisisbless Athletic       23  12   8   3  38  21  +17  44
  4 Extreme Hills              23  11   8   4  35  28   +7  41
  5 AFC Rochford               23  10   8   5  31  20  +11  38
  6 Corinthians No Longer      23  10   7   6  40  36   +4  37
  7 Barossia United            23  10   5   8  26  25   +1  35
  8 Riverkey                   23  10   4   9  26  26   +0  34
  9 Stonegrave                 23   8   9   6  20  17   +3  33
 10 The Hanged Man             23   7  11   5  28  23   +5  32
 11 Greygate                   23   8   8   7  25  22   +3  32
 12 Falston United             23   8   8   7  21  22   -1  32
 13 Ritter Town                23   8   8   7  24  27   -3  32
 14 Aries Solitaire            23   9   4  10  27  24   +3  31
 15 Southriver                 23   9   4  10  28  35   -7  31
 16 Coret Rovers               23   8   6   9  36  34   +2  30
 17 Lazuli Diamonds            23   7   9   7  28  33   -5  30
 18 Boltcroft Thorns           23   6   6  11  27  38  -11  24
 19 Gosmouth Swans             23   6   6  11  27  39  -12  24
 20 AFC Shale                  23   5   4  14  15  27  -12  19
 21 Sheridan                   23   4   7  12  12  28  -16  19
 22 Kommissar                  23   3   8  12  25  40  -15  17
 23 Brokenarch                 23   4   5  14  15  30  -15  17
 24 Ballardine FC              23   3   6  14  20  39  -19  15

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Martella Jazz                23  17   4   2  47  14  +33  55
  2 Autumnstone                  23  13   9   1  46  25  +21  48
  3 Crossroads Town              23  14   4   5  44  27  +17  46
  4 Kensey Town                  23  13   4   6  37  28   +9  43
  5 South Parrhesia              23  12   6   5  32  20  +12  42
  6 Mapleford                    23  12   4   7  37  23  +14  40
  7 East Laithland Harriers      23  10   7   6  40  26  +14  37
  8 Hartford Glade               23  10   6   7  39  31   +8  36
  9 Strephonage                  23  10   5   8  30  28   +2  35
 10 Iron United                  23  11   2  10  28  32   -4  35
 11 Rochford Pilgrims            23  10   4   9  41  28  +13  34
 12 Brindleton                   23   8   9   6  38  36   +2  33
 13 Long Lake                    23   7   7   9  21  23   -2  28
 14 Caldwick Strand              23   7   5  11  31  35   -4  26
 15 West Hook                    23   5   9   9  17  25   -8  24
 16 Ingram Township              23   6   6  11  18  27   -9  24
 17 Downsparrow                  23   6   6  11  23  37  -14  24
 18 Ox River United              23   4  11   8  22  29   -7  23
 19 Sirencall FC                 23   5   8  10  29  41  -12  23
 20 Fully Sick XI                23   6   5  12  28  43  -15  23
 21 Sutcroft                     23   6   4  13  27  44  -17  22
 22 Sutcroft Athletic            23   5   6  12  32  48  -16  21
 23 Riverkey Shells              23   4   8  11  27  37  -10  20
 24 Falston Town                 23   4   3  16  23  50  -27  15

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crownsend Journey       23  14  5   4  52  22  +30  47
  2 Rushe United            23  13  7   3  47  24  +23  46
  3 Grovebank               23  11  9   3  37  22  +15  42
  4 Iberia Chenoworth       23  13  2   8  46  38   +8  41
  5 FC Seierstad            23  13  2   8  38  30   +8  41
  6 Fischer                 23   9  9   5  28  24   +4  36
  7 Courser                 23  10  6   7  28  25   +3  36
  8 Fenland Albion          23   9  7   7  26  23   +3  34
  9 AFC Hellerine           23   8  7   8  41  35   +6  31
 10 Lockheed Zenith         23   9  4  10  34  35   -1  31
 11 Ringway                 23   8  6   9  34  31   +3  30
 12 Harrington              23   7  8   8  41  34   +7  29
 13 Stonesthrow Town        23   8  5  10  25  27   -2  29
 14 Boleyn Town             23   6 10   7  21  23   -2  28
 15 Besand's Folly          23   7  5  11  25  39  -14  26
 16 Chenoworth Teutons      23   6  5  12  29  34   -5  23
 17 AFC Feuerweiss          23   5  7  11  29  47  -18  22
 18 Stekelenbright          23   5  6  12  39  56  -17  21
 19 Sleetwell Rangers       23   5  5  13  25  49  -24  20
 20 Camwell Road            23   4  5  14  18  45  -27  17

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin Souths          23  16  4   3  44  21  +23  52
  2 New Oakstone Phoenix      23  12  6   5  54  29  +25  42
  3 Brookford Vantablack      23  11  9   3  31  17  +14  42
  4 The Travellers FC         23  12  6   5  41  31  +10  42
  5 Northside Eagles          23  13  3   7  36  26  +10  42
  6 Twelvetrees               23  13  3   7  30  20  +10  42
  7 Brunyard FC               23  11  8   4  48  29  +19  41
  8 AFC Volksgarten           23  11  4   8  21  22   -1  37
  9 Bodkin Road               23  10  5   8  29  21   +8  35
 10 AFC Davenport             23  10  2  11  24  27   -3  32
 11 Corvistone City           23   7 10   6  29  20   +9  31
 12 Gridlock                  23   8  6   9  22  23   -1  30
 13 Rookwall                  23   7  7   9  20  22   -2  28
 14 AFC Burchess              23   5  8  10  20  26   -6  23
 15 Blaze                     23   6  5  12  20  38  -18  23
 16 Markoni                   23   7  1  15  20  45  -25  22
 17 Constance Park            23   6  3  14  18  31  -13  21
 18 Brookway Town             23   4  9  10  20  37  -17  21
 19 Aries Tigers              23   3  8  12  25  40  -15  17
 20 Stamper Road              23   4  1  18  15  42  -27  13

by **Nephara** » Sun Dec 01, 2019 5:25 am

The field starts to thin. Starting in Brindleton. Weirdly, the historically pretty mediocre club that has never come close to the Premiership has a history of beating Sabrefell Athletic in the Cup, including last year. Well, for the first time, they get to face off against the Moths. The fourth-tier side acquit themselves well, hurling bodies in the way of any chance, against their well-rested but still strong guests. In the end, the only goal comes from a penalty won and slotted home by veteran Joan Vickers, though young Moths Kellard and Garand looked lively… ah, but then it’s literally a fourth-tier side. A midtable one at that. This leaves the Moths the favourites for the Cup, after Brinemouth come unstuck against a vibrant, energetic Chardonnay. Iori Saitou shows his class, strolling through the porous Rangers’ defence, but Alessa Bernat slams home a free kick to make things interesting before Kaya Catley loops what she swears was a shot, not a cross, over Iona Britton. Brinemouth, despite being at home and very good, tire in the second half; the Rangers, staying compact, pounce on the break, Bernat forcing Duerden into a rare error, Dorian Ballard striking the loose ball forward for Cynthia Rayne to take past Windtide and nervelessly slip past Britton, whose 33 years are suddenly showing. A different Ballard, Diandra, is rumoured to be facing the sack. That should be ridiculous. She got Creed promoted, she gave them a strong enough head start they’ll probably stay up, but, uh… no, losing 3-0 to third-tier Corinthians No Longer, that’s unacceptable. CNL literally had a 34-year old Kurtis Siegrist at rightback. Creed left winger Retta Conrad is a current Chromatik international. And yet, Creed’s defence was repeatedly broached, Byron Caldwick suddenly looked very old, and somehow the dominant figure in the midfield was Cranequin reject Emerance fucking Sanborn. Graf Bronze’s brace was supplemented by a flowing attack through a stodgy Creed, finished by assertive leftback Bella Scarratt with a striker’s flourish.

Parrhesia concede two to a failing Sheridan side, which is genuinely scandalous. They’ve scored twelve goals all season! Fortunately, Barota and Teris flat-track bully the door down, McEthinly converts a couple of tap-ins and Makis Kotsonis has finally found a game in which he can contribute and look good. Chatswood have high hopes in their backup goalkeeper, Gerik Knasmuller, so they decide to give the 22-year old Cup privileges. Against Peregrine he was genuinely dreadful. Admittedly, Leigh Fletcher had rested a number of key units, but the Falconers take five shots on target across 120 minutes and they all go in. They’re terrible at the back themselves, but the save-making thing that Connor Risdon has going on works out for them in a 5-4 away win. Pillars of Southfell successfully bore Coret Hawks to death before winning on penalties, outperforming their big brothers, United, who get dunked out 3-1 by Bishop (Vorster and Asquith are seriously Premiership-grade). Cranequin City outlast North Sabrefell in a dire 1-0 win, one where Orban trials a three-man defence (elsewhere seen losing to Alliance Barossia 1-0) and finds out he doesn’t have the personnel with Basmath Clinton’s injury, or in midfield while snubbing Montag, while the Crows have an unremarkable two hours against North Laithland before winning an 11-10 shootout. Babatunde Warrington, taking the third and fourteenth penalties, takes both as panenkas; Kosovare Fairweather can’t make it to either, and the exhausted Irsa Croxteth sends hers into space to hand the Crows victory.

“The last match was an aberration,” Hestia Canaan calmly tells the press. It’s not the Cup she’s talking about, though that 28-penalty monstrosity also fits the description; no, she means the 10-1 defeat to Sabrefell Athletic. Against North Sabrefell, she names an unchanged lineup. The Cup game was a blessing in disguise, as Reeve and Sabitzer served their suspensions there; both look fresh and excel against North Sabrefell, a side struggling to figure out what they look like under Mezei Orban. The Bohemians are traditionally a side that’s taken a year to figure out, and so the fans have been surprisingly patient, but that won’t last with more performances like this. They line up in a straight 4-4-2, Montag is dropped, some fans bring out a ‘Justice for the Fat Lass’ tifo, and the Spiders utterly dominate the show. Reeve basically single-handedly dominates the midfield in her minimalistic, efficient way, Lilith Thornwood proves too mobile for the Bohemians’ sluggish back line, and Luke Roberts adds thrust and power cutting in from the right. Their conquerers Sabrefell Athletic, meanwhile, lose 1-1 at home to Cypher Town. Yes, that is the right verb and right scoreline.

Parrhesia host Aries Chariots, a side seemingly purpose-built to destroy them with pace. And, yes, the Chariots immediately destroy them with pace; a clumsy touch from Telviir shows the ball straight to Seamster who sets up Kaelin for 1-0, and while pushing forward a poor pass from… Telviir, again… is cut out by Riske and driven across to Kaelin who sets up Sierra, 2-0. So far so samey, as basically the same thing is happening in equally bad Raven River, but unlike River Parrhesia actually mount a comeback in the second half. Sigrun Barota is taken off and kicks energy drinks around in frustration, but all replacement Jess Silkman has to do is sit back and find her comrades. The venerable winger can still manage that, even today. One lofted over beautifully to Teris, one skimmed across the floor for Reus to toebash home by way of the inside post, and one elegant corner that Zemen Ystrad rises highest to flick past the insufficiently commanding Commerford. A Southfell side that have been cautious in recent times decide, fuck it, they’re going to go out guns blazing against Crisisbless, and they do indeed go down to a 6-3 defeat. The Moths, meanwhile, are just tepid against an energetic and underrated Crisisbless United; why in God’s name was Tim Maitfield sacked from the Pirates? The United fanbase account finds a bunch of recent poor scorelines in Willox Street and puts them into a single Twii, with the innocent caption; “Our gain is your loss.”

All four of the promoted sides, struggling at the wrong end of the table, pick up vital home wins; for Alliance, a thrilling 5-3 with Vermillion Wanderers, each side trading blows and a red card apiece, Wanderers failing to cope with the loss of structure and building fatigue in the closing stages as Non, Berisha and Jeweler sparkle in the last half-hour, overturning a 2-3 deficit. Pillars’ win over Hackett is the most six-pointery, The Strongest are the most convincing in a 3-0 demolition of Armstrong with Laegjarn Martyn untouchable in midfield and Dartmouth Terriers, well, continue Brookford Otters’ misery. Elrik Raskine watches on from the stands, and is appointed shortly after as Brookford’s manager. Peregrine, under the new management of Matthew Rickard - a young, hungry manager who briefly took charge at Stahlburg Rovers - stem the bleeding with an honourable 1-0 defeat at home to Leichhardt. Next on the chopping block could well be Bishop manager Cheney Rutherford, who should absolutely never have left Vermillion. They’re easily swatted aside 3-0 by Diamondqueen, and just can’t touch their star playmaker Minka Bronson.

A strangely muted week, the only real percussion being Aries Chariots’ hammering down Cranequin City into a thin paste, a 7-2 stabbing orchestrated by wingers Lazarou and Kaelin that City just do not have answers to. How does one imagine Kirsten Gemmill feels about her brace, slickly taken though it was? In fairness, there is good football elsewhere, fewer goals than the Chariots managed on their own but even, balanced on a fine plate. The Coret Hawks have regrouped after a weak start, and visit a Southfell side that can’t stop conceding. It’s a nice chance to see some veteran strikers wheeled out, former Nephara internationals in Dragan Stavanger and Erik Marlowe going head-to-head, but curiously neither really puts their stamp on today. Coret’s hero is Fiona Norval, with a late brace, taken well; one a cross from Caracole, chested down and rifled past Aldous as she fell, the other a clever header flicked over the top, Aldous clawing for the stars to no avail as the ball floated gently into the net. Norval’s start to the season has been poor, but she’s never stopped trying, and helpfully for her career prospects the Hawks, uh, don’t really have any good alternatives. Kasmeer Jewell, anyone? Didn’t think so. For all that, it could have been better. Norval thinks she’s stolen the Hawks a win, but from pretty much nowhere, after a game spent doing pretty much nothing, Erik Marlowe hits the ball really, really hard, blasting it past Lockwood, into the underside of the crossbar, into the ground, into the net and somehow rolling back out of the net along the top of its ceiling. Gundersen hammers home the ball anyway. Can’t be too careful.

The Treason derby is full of thudding and thuggery without really managing to have a true air of danger. Tackles are brutal and cynical, not heroic lunges. All-round nice guy Peter Svensson heads home the only goal off the game from Accardi’s corner - you can bet Leigh Fletcher will be incandescent at the sloppy marking - and waves cheerfully at the Chatswood active support bay. Someone throws a loaf of bread at him, and misses; Svensson keeps it, announcing his desire to take it home and bask in “the taste of victory”. Cypher puncture the Bohemians again, and they are really not having a good time. It should have been more than 1-0, but for the heroics of Paige Daunten in goal. Sabrefell Athletic edge out Crisisbless away, a monumentally important game in the title race but holy shit was it boring. ‘One for the purists’, like hell! Gere scored the only goal, but everyone was too asleep to figure out how.

Uhhh. Really, there’s only one place to start. And that’s Elrik Raskine’s first match in charge at Brookford, a conclusive 3-0 win at home against Corvette. They’re back to basics in a straightforward 4-4-2, Spinnett and Riitsi running the central midfield, Mithradates and Walsh playing well off each other up front as a big-man-little-woman partnership for the first time of the season, Joscelyn Monroe seemingly thriving in a more orthodox, chalk-on-the-boots role on the right wing. The Maulers were terrible, in fairness. Oh, yeah, and the Southrons put ten past Peregrine. Despite a terrible match from captain Gerhard Hartmuth, his blushes were spared by the casual four goals from Michail on her own, even without help from, well, everyone else. Michail even got subbed off 70 minutes in! So much for Rickard’s defensive reorganisation. “We scored three,” he points out on no less than four different occasions post-match. “Away in Dross, that’s no easy feat!” Yeah. Sure. Serpentine condemn Cranequin to a third straight defeat in a scrappy 1-0, while the ‘bougie derby’ between Belgrave and Diamondqueen is a pretty but indecisive 1-1.

Starling vs. Brinemouth. “Everyone wrote us off before this season,” Christian Berg scoffs at an interview, emphasising his words with pointed prods of the table in front of him. “For how many years have people said, ‘this is the year Starling die?’ I have only been here three years, but I know this is the cycle. And I know it’s always bullshit.” Cocky words, but the Passerines can’t live up to them early on; for the first half-hour, the game is Brinemouth’s. Conjure and Soederquist are content to slot it around to one another, their lack of pace not capitalised on as their psychic understanding evades an unsubtle press. All it’s missing is a goal, though Tidesson strikes the side netting, and Kesteren comes close. But it comes. At the other end, from a corner, Alcander Visser beasting everyone to reward Armstrong’s perfect delivery. Brinemouth are chaotic and frantic, and that costs them, an uncharacteristically poor ball from Marcin Close intercepted by Netzach, who drives it forward to meet Nevaeh Cathar’s run, and with a single elegant dink she takes it past Bull. It should be three, but Cathar misses a far easier chance on the stroke of half-time; no matter. Except that Tidesson pulls one back just before the hour, and then sets up Kesteren to drive home the leveller. He’s the man of the match, without a doubt, and looks like he’s saved the Dockers a point! Until in the 94th minute, Roxel wins a thumping header in midfield, Netzach drifts onto it before feeding Armstrong racing past her, the Euran steamrolls past Conjure and finds his space to pick the bottom corner perfectly, Bull without a chance, to make a thrilling 3-2 win.

Treason are not experiencing much drama themselves. They’ve gone from strength to strength this campaign, and an 8-0 win silences any talk of recovery for Parrhesia United. This is a Stags side that rests Corrello, Svensson, Rauch (suspended) and John Fletcher, and substitutes off heavy hitters Jonsson, Va’Afaja and Metzger for good measure. North Laithland eradicate Crisisbless United 5-0, a startling result given that the Spiders have generally been destroyees more often than destroyers. Goalkeeper Stovar Krieven, who of course conceded ten earlier in the season, is overheard by pitchside mics after the fifth goal bellowing “THAT’S HOW IT FEELS!” Creed finally fire on all cylinders to clean out an inconsistent Aries side 3-1, Trabelsi finally back on the scoresheet, while Newrook City convert twenty-two shots into three on target and one goal from Farrell, which is still enough to beat a passive Cypher.

South Laithland are on the warpath. Seventeen goals in two games. This one is even more impressive, if anything; Peregrine are terrible, but smashing seven past Morningstar after the daunting trip to Treason is no easy feat. The Southrons were holding onto a precarious 3-2 lead after a thrilling opening forty minutes before Trifon Draxler reacted… poorly, to a clumsy challenge from Novick. Novick had seemingly injured herself in the process, but wasn’t helped when Draxler gave her an impulsive kick in the ribs. Off he went, and as Stars chased the win in the second half, they gave away four at the other end across a bloody second half. Harriet Michail now has eight goals in her past three matches, continuing her Indian summer. Meanwhile, Dartmouth Terriers’ road to recovery continues, hard-bitten defensive effort from the partnership of Muller and Ciernik protecting a hard-won goal, Mersiades finding the tireless Breisgau, who pressed through two defenders to force a shot past Brookhouse and give the Terriers their third straight win.

Chenoworth Rovers against Raven River represents a rare chance for one of two terrible sides to pick up points. Catheline Harper’s job apparently lies on a win here, according to some reports, though the club strenuously denies it. Still, it does not look good, despite a recent upturn in performances. The Ferrymen, meanwhile, have committed to keeping Killanen on no matter what. There’s an acceptance within the squad that the club is in need of rebuilding, and they didn’t hire Killanen to fight fires. That said… oooof. River are truly awful, with even their ordinarily best player, Nikita Crowe, harrassed out of the game by Rashica Horvath who seems to be just about everywhere snuffing out passes. The Rovers have gently the better of the first half but are utterly dominant in the second, Ender Fife’s cross met with a crunching header from lithe converted winger Grey Meisler, a desperate latest attempt to find Nya Murray a strike partner with Patton injured and in poor form / Rodgers dreadfully out of his depth / Vithoulkas a baby, before Meisler skilfully sets up Murray with a neat little cutback threaded between Turnbull’s feet and Anselm Koerner, the exciting teenage winger who supplanted Meisler on the right, hammering one into the stanchion in injury time. Donath gets the ball in the net just before that, thinking she’s made it 2-1, and the desperate glee at snapping a scoreless streak is so, so tragically beautiful on her face, when everyone else in the stadium is watching the linesman’s raised flag.

Coret are helping try and put some intrigue back into the relegation fight, for what it’s worth. They’ve mostly recovered from a bad start to the season, helped significantly by former River striker Fiona Norval finding her feet; she scores the opener in a 3-0 win over a terrible North Sabrefell side, shoving them further towards the pit. Diandra Ballard and Fasolt Senninger, both former Treason goalkeepers, find themselves hosting their former club a- oh, wait, we’ve done this narrative before. Except in the reverse fixture the Oathmen won 1-0 to set the foundations for an unlikely top seven push, and now they’re looking the other end of the table entirely. Senninger plays brilliantly, two marvelous springing saves in particular keeping Metzger and Jonsson off the scoresheet, but just as Creed look like they’ll cling onto a point at 1-1 (thanks to Retta Conrad, regaining some of her early form of late), Lorelei Neptune sweeps inside and outside of Agamemnon Wright, who witlessly bulldozes her into the ground. Senninger’s exasperation is so, so visible. Metzger slots home the penalty, and claps his Cormorants teammate on the shoulder; Senninger’s less than amused.

Belgrave’s form has been appalling, and just one point from their past three matches has put Metzelder under intense pressure. Reports suggest she might only have one match to save her job, which, you know, no pressure; it’s just Leichhardt. Metzelder’s side are unusually cautious in the first half, content to just play slow, careful possession, but 41 minutes in leftback Russett cuts inside and drives a fierce diagonal ball through Leichhardt’s heart, Markus Strand takes it in stride and lofts it over the top of advancing ‘keeper Adekoya to make it 1-0, despite a desperate late dive from Colchester that leaves her tangled in the net. Lara Winter overcompensates for the gut-punch, and Belgrave are so, so prepared to spring free and punish the Stargazers on the break, Sloan’s brace and a lightning strike from Matilda Hamilton finishing a 4-0 demolition job. Meanwhile, in Crisisbless, the axe falls. Bishop certainly stood up creditably against South Laithland, but the relegation danger is genuine after yet another defeat. Lukas Pallister is a surprising choice of firefighter, the 61-year old being yet to manage at this level, but he’s a well-travelled and respected figure who managed Project +90 Treason during its existence. Brookford pulp Chardonnay 6-0, and suddenly Elrik Raskine is the most popular man in town. Just by getting the team to play fast and direct and stop faffing, dropping underperforming favourites in Bairstow and Enfield. Could this be the job to revitalise his career?

The most convincing wins belong to two sides seemingly nailed to the bottom of the Premiership. Parrhesia are too fast, and Corvette make it too easy. The Maulers have lost all but one of their last six, and the last four of those defeats without scoring. A 3-0 defeat at home, even to a Premiership side, makes for mutinous fans. River, meanwhile, dominate the midfield against a Chardonnay team that just lost 6-0, young guns Ruby Gjasula and Lothaire Cromwell on the scoresheet. “I really think I could make the step up to regular Premiership minutes,” says Gjasula firmly. “We’ll not survive playing like we have been. And besides, call it building for the future.” Stahlburg Rovers stun Sabrefell Moths with a determined defensive effort, some great saves from Stefan Bolander (unrecognisable from last season! Incredible what a difference confidence makes) and a crisp second-half brace from Corona Sharpe, characteristically in the right place to stab home inside the box. She celebrates both, extravagantly… against her hometown club. A case she makes post-match; “I was happy, so I wanted to show it. Hiding your emotions is for losers.” And the field of likely winners winnows further; the Chariots’ careless finishing sees them succumb to the tight-knit, focused Cranequin City, Hakan Gryspos’ ability to make the most from scraps seeing them through, while Stahlburg City build on a very quietly competent season by outlasting Corvistone, winning 2-0. Cypher are dragged down by contentious refereeing against Pillars of Southfell, though Andrea Vardalos refuses to blame them… sort of. “The appalling refereeing should never have factored into it,” she laments after the 2-1 home defeat. Bishop edge out CNL 1-0 in Lukas Pallister’s first game in charge, a very young squad tested and standing up to the heat, while Alliance beat Peregrine on penalties. They round out a remarkable array of quarterfinalists; four 1Div sides, and three of the Premiership survivors are embroiled deep in the relegation dogfight. Stahlburg City are clear favourites, with the Saints first in their path; win that, and they might have a mouthwatering Stahlburg derby in the semifinal, with the Rovers getting a decidedly soft match against Pillars that ensures at least one lower-tier side makes the last four.

Perhaps buoyed by their Cup win, and certainly benefiting from bringing Cromwell in to replace the cooked Leonard and Gjasula the misfiring Donath, Raven River come out to a deserved 2-1 win over Chatswood. Cromwell set up the opener, a beautifully flighted free kick that was too easy for Turnbull to thunder home, and while a somewhat fluky leveller for Chatswood is a kick in the teeth near half-time - Caulker’s cross flicks horribly off Villaverde’s heel, landing in the perfect position for Garrett to opportunistically slot past Taliadoros’ near post - River’s heads don’t drop, and Gjasula breaks free of her marks to drive home the winner late on. “She doesn’t lack for a spine, I’ll say that,” Eoin Killanen mused after the match. “After her little Moment after the Cup, I told her she had one chance; get a goal, or get exiled to the U23s. She made her choice.”

Sabrefell Athletic outlast Brinemouth in a grim, attritional match. Ens misses from a knock, and Coltrane is brought forward into the hole, with a bitter, cynical double pivot of Dominique and Naumoff bullying Brinemouth off their game. Their winner comes ugly, too, a scramble capitalised on by Sipke Tarala. They all count, though. Crisisbless United get bodied 4-0 in the derby, having already lost 2-0 away. Bragging rights with the Heelers, one thinks, who are hot in the chase at the top. Kurtis Laiota rubs it in more than a little, helpfully Twii-ing; “Is the red and black for the blood and bruises?” Responds United captain Stokes, coolly, also on social media; “Wow. You can read?” Close-ish, to the northeast, Coret make the short trip to Newrook and batter them 3-0. The Rooks just haven’t been right this season, and where Bartolnicci was a furious bastion of anger last season, this season he just looks… tired. He’s got essentially infinite credit in the bank, though, so anything short of relegation probably keeps his job alive.

Belgrave keep on the warpath. A South Laithland side that haven’t been able to stop scoring lately are shut down with almost insulting ease by the Gargoyles, who simply deny them the ball. “My tactics are inspired by my childhood,” Metzelder informs the press. “This one time, I - a rather short lass - had my wallet stolen by two larger, older kids, who just tossed it over my head to each other while I ran between them. It was the most frustrating experience of my life. Anyway, I got it back by hitting one of them with a chair, but you can’t do that in football, so when it works here it’s unstoppable.” Right. Anyway, it’s a thumping 3-0 margin, a penalty either side of a brilliant bit of skill from Aura Keynes (who has exploded into form over the past couple games, Metzelder’s faith rewarded). Cranequin Wanderers drop the shields and lose track of reality in a bizarre nine-goal thriller against The Strongest, a game including four penalties, one saved and one missed, and three foul throws, all from badly-rattled Wanderers’ rightback Hasret Kaveci, who has maybe the worst game any player has had all season despite a genuinely brilliant season. Wanderers’ stopper Konrad Matheny calls it “the worst day of my life.” Bishop’s 4-3 win over Serpentine isn’t much less chaotic, but it’s certainly a good show of force from Lukas Pallister, who has cut loose much of the old guard and underperforming Premiership off-cuts Swepstone and Best.

Coret’s recent string of results have comprised two 3-0 wins, a 3-3 draw and a 3-0 defeat. Few expect this run to continue against a Crisisbless United side who cannot come close to matching them on paper but do look so much more like a team under Tim Maitfield, and the Hawks’ sluggish defence looks easy meat for their swift counterattacks. Fortunately, the Hawks have a number of weapons up their sleeve; first, a muscular midfield of Otalia Kasmiir and Juliet Bezemer who can destroy all-comers, and second, the match-up of their winger Atalanta Skapetis (supported ably by rightback Mei Hamilton) against Giovanni Soto. United wanted to move Soto on in the window, but he had no takers, and the natural replacement, Praxil Law, felt slighted that he wasn’t trusted to make the step up. Soto is a fine player when not dealing with players who are strong or sprint or run towards him with mad grins on their faces. Point is, Coret win 7-1, and when Soto is hooked at half-time for the steadier presence of, uh, Bohemians reject Sanders, the damage is done. Already 3-0, though Tanith Carter then strides through on an almost insolently easy counterattack, but Feeney shouts the complacency out of the Hawks and they finish the job. With interest. Atalanta Skapetis might not be around Coret much longer if they can’t hold their top seven place...

Hooray! North Sabrefell break a six-match streak of losing without scoring! Victoria Maersk wins herself some space and slashes, ungainly but efficiently, past Bull to level the scores. Gareth Blackthorn stalks the touchline, Oliver Spencer beseeches the linesman for an offside call that ain’t coming. Then Kesteren, Tidesson, Kuznetsov and Spencer hammer home four more past Daunten, a consolation drilled from the edge of the box by Petrovic is barely even that, and the Bohemians are in serious trouble. Still, the away end defiantly cheer Orban’s name towards the end, and the manager gives them a terse wave before turning back to the game. The Saints probably have the better chance of the two bottom clubs to get out, but River haul them back with a bizarrely convincing 3-0 win; Gjasula again on the scoresheet, Cromwell again impressing, and another teenager in rightback Steed Beister given the reigns to impress at rightback for good measure. Treason face off and edge out Stahlburg City in a cagey affair settled by Peter Svensson’s headed corner, helping cement the great captain’s legacy in his final season, while Chariots winger Elsa Kaelin gets herself sent off for a reckless challenge in a 2-0 defeat to her hometown club, Starling. “I’m not that kind of player,” she’s overheard begging to the referee. Well, it must be alright, then.

Serpentine have been strong, solid, reliable, this season. Total opposites of Belgrave, really. So their visit is hotly awaited, and soon rewarded with goals, two towering headers from 21-year old defender Natalia Dreider converting set pieces from Lyndis, Connell could perhaps have come out for each but got lost in the crowd. It should be three by the half-hour mark, but through one-on-one with Connell, Alyssa Greening doesn’t quite reach the corners and quick footwork from the Belgrave goalkeeper redeems himself somewhat. And from there… goals from Strand, Katsura and Keynes pull them back in front by half-time, Katsura hits again to make it four before the hour, and they trade blows once more near the end to seal a dynamic 5-3 Gargoyles win. It makes up for a mostly otherwise dull matchday, along with The Strongest three times taking the lead against Peregrine and three times being pegged back; no other game sees more than three goals, nine see two or fewer, and there’s five 1-0 wins.

It’s kind of sad when a match confirms everyone’s suspicions; Sabrefell Moths are one fatal year past their peak. There is no pace in attack, the creaking Brix Hamilton is left ruthlessly exposed time and again, and Tahir Fejzuli just hasn’t been able to replicate past successes. Sur Arora has experimented plenty this season, but it’s still hard to argue with his squad selection against AFC Treason. But Peter Svensson… if you can’t outpace him, you aren’t getting past him, and a 33-year old Solara Vol and 32-year old Claudio Romano aren’t outpacing anyone. McInnes finds the spaces bombing fullback Haines leaves behind with terrifying ease, and Jonsson in turn finds her; she scores one herself, sets up another for John Fletcher, before a late kick in the teeth is provided by substitute rightback Rovena Stride, who is really making a name for herself in her increasingly frequent minutes. The Moths were out-thought, outrun and outplayed. But mostly outrun. Still, expect big moves and shakes in the transfer window. And there’s been a curious phenomenon, the past few days, of Moths fans commenting on internet highlights of Klyde, looking with increasing eagerness / desperation at the exploits of picked-up-and-loaned-back striker Cathal Turner...

Crisisbless United just casually pick themselves up like they haven’t been shelled 11-1 on aggregate over their last couple games and dust off the Harriers almost casually, with Caspar Sanders impressing in a full showing at left-back. This is particularly relevant given his direct opponent, Sigrun Rivers, the former United talisman who left chasing glory. That decision looks now like a decidedly sideways move. Bruun, who is better than Sanders, predictably also shuts down Kou, who is worse than Rivers; shut down the Harriers’ flanks and what’ve they got left, hoping Tom Whittaker does something? He manages an impressive little heel-flick to at test Meixner after overrunning a wayward low cross from Kou, but it’s not much of a test at that. Sabrefell Athletic pulverise Vermillion 6-2 in a match where Gere burnishes her credentials further as one of the best wingers in the game and Vermillion’s Konse, well… is a slightly square peg for the holding midfield hole he’s in. A great midfielder, and when the Rage can keep up the pressure, it works great! But he can’t stem the tide here. All the weak teams pick up points; River draw Creed in a thrilling 3-3, the Rovers stun Crisisbless in injury time before being stunned even later in injury time over a 2-2, Cypher get the odd goal in five over Chatswood (Bereveskos continues to be the best 3m they ever spent), Cranequin edge North Sabrefell 1-0 away and North Laithland are surprisingly out-countered at home by Parrhesia in a match that’s great value with terrible finishing.

Peregrine manager Matthew Rickard has the privilege of hosting the Rovers, with whom he started his managerial career. Briefly. He’s seemingly hell-bent on showing them what his new side are capable of, storming to a 3-1 half-time lead; Sylvia Janik’s brace aided by a rare goal from captain Stefi Unbehaun. And then it falls apart in the second half as his side just keep pushing for more goals, and get punched repeatedly by a team that is better than they are - Radcliffe and Carsley in particular really enjoy the room, and the Rovers triumph 4-3. The good people of Peregrine are unimpressed, particularly when Rickard proclaims it a ‘moral victory’. The Wanderers of Cranequin peg back those of Vermillion in a grindy match; Vermillion spend the first half trying and failing to outpass them, then the second trying to hoof it long and failing to break past their three centre-halves. Shona Butcher’s free kick clinches it, and in fairness a couple sharp saves from Konrad Matheny late on are needed to preserve a deserved win.

“You know what’s damn frustrating?” Daniel Dostalok rises midway through a press conference to declare, unasked for, and not about to wait for permission. “It’s this whole damn narrative about us having no damn strikers. Just ‘cause some offers came in during the window. You know what Starling has? Starling’s got me! I’m one of the Four fucking Horsemen, bitch! I--” The rest of the interview was cut off as Starling’s PR guy wrestled Dostalok to the ground, but he made his point; the narrative that Starling are fucked just because they lost Andisori and Lovelace at the same time doesn’t hold up. He’s shouldered the burden, with interest, and goes on to score two well-taken strikes to overturn a half-time deficit against Sabrefell Athletic. Beating his chest, kissing the badge… his celebrations underline his newfound swagger, one that he wears well. For Athletic, it’s a damaging result in the title race, as the other heavy-hitters win.

Is it heretical to suggest that even without Nephara’s darling, Daniella Strauss, Southfell United are going to be alright? They outplay Aries Chariots easily in a 3-1 win away, what was meant to be a big season for the Chariots just not coming together. For the Tanners, the centre is key; Hemeyer overcame his dramatic early-season slump because he had to, there were no alternatives, and he’s given Kyshoen Nagy the platform to pull the strings. Marlowe’s still scoring but a hot streak from Amalie Gundersen, who pops up with a brace today, has made the difference, while teenage Equestrian winger Laureline Forestier looks better with every match. Creed United pick up a vital 2-1 win over the Spiders as Delphi Barbarouses gets her swagger back, while Chenoworth Rovers’ fans watch on in dismay as a 2-0 lead evaporates to a 4-2 defeat to Coret.

At this stage, it’s a two-horse race at the top… an assessment that becomes that little bit more generous after two away trips that both turn out trickier than anticipated. Leichhardt visit a Hackett side in dreadful recent form, and play as poorly as they’ve done in recent times. Hackett keep knocking on the door, but Folami Adekoya stands tall time and again, only unable to stop a tap-in from Gallan. In the second half, the Stargazers play barely more fluently, but Woodruff, flying in from leftback, is toppled clumsily by Nicola Wrexham for a penalty Ingrid Auttenberg converts with ease. Leichhardt grow into the match, and a powerful strike from Stevenson is palmed aside by Kewell, but only as far as Auttenberg, who drives it home with glee. South Laithland are similarly sloppy on the road against Brookford, but the Otters can actually punish them for it, and even grabbing the point still takes a late, desperate cross slung into the box by Novick and missed by everyone on its way through to substitute striker Marcia Barron, who bundles home the leveller.

“The bleeding has to stop here.” Minka Kranevitter’s words are direct and plain. It has not been the North Sabrefell captain’s best season, not by any means, but her respect for the club is beyond reproach, and she’s yet to miss a league start. The Bohemians have lost nine in a row, and next up are Starling at home. Orban tinkers further, looking for a solution; comes up with the 4-2-3-1 favoured in Blackwood’s day. It’s a good decision. On the day, the Bohemians play with fervour and confidence, dominating the ball and pressing Starling hard, at times. Laramee sets up Cheney to chest down and strike, but the ball goes well over from a presentable range. Hard, but no crime when Cheney spends the entire match chasing down defenders and pressing them into mistakes. Starling just never get a rhythm, and their most dangerous chances come from frustrated midfielders. A strike from Roebling flashes wide, Netzach hits a crossbar, Armstrong forces a sharp save from Daunten, but nothing punches through. The Bohemians do have a late penalty shout, even, Visser and Cheney getting tangled, but the referee waves it away. Not the win they craved, but they’ll take the point at this stage.

The Crows and Brinemouth fight one another to a rather less likely scoreless occasion, Belfast having rather less compunctions about turtling up, and the sloppy, listless draw between Newrook against Vermillion also ends scoreless, Rage keeper Ramelow saving a poor penalty from Brandtner. In Lindmark, North Laithland snap Treason’s eight-game winning streak, and for large swathes of the game they dominate their fiercest rivals. Lilith Thornwood, former Morningstar striker, uses clever movement, strong arms and a burst of pace to strike twice in the first half, and when Paarsimer Jaan’s enthusiastic physicality lets the Stags back into the game through a penalty (this is not a popular decision), Roberts cuts in and strikes from the right wing. Clavel gets fingers to it, sending it rebounding off the post and straight to Matej Beltrame following it in. But the Stags don’t go down easy; Va’Afaja’s diagonal cross from nearly halfway sails all the way to John Fletcher, who heads almost insultingly easily past a stranded Krieven, before Lorelei Neptune slams home the equaliser in the 92nd minute after ten minutes of almost relentless pressure. The Chenoworth derby goes the way of the form table, with the Harriers just too good against the Rovers, even away. Sigrun Rivers scores the winner from well out, a ball that loops perfectly into the top corner from just otuside the box, celebrates exuberantly enough to forget where she is and winds up crunching the fourth official into a bear hug, the rest of the team piling on from there.

Any hope that Elrik Raskine would magically fix everything at Brookford has by now evaporated; after Alyssa Greening strikes late to give the Dragons the win they deserve, the Otters are now on a run of two points from their last five games. It’s been said so often, but they need a rebuild… and to keep ahold of satyr midfieldder Lavinia Riitsi, whch they probably won’t. Vermillion’s season has had plenty of dips and valleys, but their strikers let loose with a brace apiece against a hapless Peregrine, a spectacular own goal from Mensah and an admittedly impressive sub-consolation from Selke rounding out a 5-1 humiliation. The boos ring out at Stone Overlook, and it’s fair to say that the Matthew Rickard Experience has not been a positive one. Diamondqueen crush Corvette 4-1 in a match where striker Marko Fortounis (who made his name with the Diamonds in the first place) cuts a forlorn, nigh-abandoned figure up front. The rangy striker scores with the one decent chance he gets, and has won back his place a while back, but there’s just too few flashes of quality in this team. The forces of chaos are too great in north Sabrefell; Belgrave and the Strongest inexplicably cancel each other out in a scoreless draw. The Gargoyles do, however, hit the post four times. The Strongest ‘keeper Cavan is a lucky man.

Squint, and all four of these could be Champions Cup finals. Fair to say the Nepharim quartet didn’t get off easy with the draw. Directus, reigning champions of Eura! No fewer than three Nephara internationals in their team! Strongbow and Hawke! Well, as any long-suffering Cormorants fan will tell you, having the world’s best winger and one of its best strikers guarantees you nothing. Directus are abysmal, fall apart completely and get blasted 4-0. Northern Union hunker down against Sabrefell Athletic but get punched on the stroke of half-time, Athletic’s relentless offensive paying dividends from the simple and direct way, Tarala beating Chaumancer in the air to nod down a Westerveld pass, to himself, and hammer it past Farrell. Union are forced to come out of hiding and confront Athletic man-to-man, and the inspiration of phenomenon Calindra Apelles comes up with assists for the plodding Brenecian wingers, Garrard and Hennessey, either side of her, but Xixi Ens feeds Oscar Coltrane free on the corner of the box to fire home the equaliser. Treason share the spoils with RCU, Mikael Jonsson scoring against his old club, while Starling overcome an early goal from Holsteiner to beat back Holdenberg 2-1 in the second half.]

by **Nephara** » Sun Dec 01, 2019 5:26 am

Take a moment to admire Stahlburg City. It’s not really anything they do against the Spiders, a routine 3-1 win, but it is one supposes the very fact that it’s routine that stands out. Brujah and Dimitar, who still has it at 35, brutalise the Spiders’ midfield, clearing the way for Aurelie Henry to lift the team through driving, creative play on the front foot. Henry strikes first, breaking suddenly and violently through the Spiders’ line, before driving a shot low and hard past Krieven. The Spiders wake up from that point, pressing hard; Prant-Telew bails them out with some strong saves, but Mathis Orsay manages to compensate for Hasek’s lack of pace in defence. There’s little he can do, however, when Roberts drives at and beats Hasek, slipped between the cracks by a great ball from Cassandra Posipal, and slides the ball calmly between Prant-Telew’s legs. 1-1, they’d take that last season, but now? They press on, not recklessly but confidently, and goals from Camille Lane and Isabella Shi see them through, a highly polished performance from young rightback Linde Rostock the icing on the cake.

Coret have scored 7, 0, 4, 0 and now 5 in their last five games as they clean Parrhesia out 5-0 in Vermillion, the Saints finding no answer to sophisticated tactics like ‘fast wingers cross to big strikers’. Elsewhere in the city, the Rage show their fangs in a 4-1 demolition of Crisisbless United. If you were wondering how United cope after losing Tom Garner to suspension, now you know. Sabrefell Athletic demolish Aries Chariots, who despise them but can’t lay a glove on them, by a 5-1 margin. More accurately, Rowena Sierra lays a glove on them after seven minutes and Athletic extract far more than their pound of flesh in retaliation. Newrook surprisingly overturn Starling 2-0 with Jezdimir Ocokoljic playing like the 72-cycle’s Jezdimir Ocokoljic, the player that never quite left but should pop in more often, while a second straight draw for the Bohemians (2-2 with Southfell) isn’t great, but still represents a healing process.

Yet another axe! This time… Matthew Rickard, who had ten games to shine at Peregrine and managed precisely two points. His tactics seemed to amount to just suicidally throwing his players forward, except against the Wanderers and Leichhardt, where eleven men behind the ball lead to 1-0 defeats regardless. Here, they’re fortunate to come close to Morningstar, losing 2-1 at home with a late penalty from Peck semi-sparing their blushes. Rebecca Kelsey is next in line, poached from Goodfeather’s coaching staff to take up her first management role. Realistically, though, it’s too late. Serpentine are involved in another 5-3 away win, this time coming out ahead against Hackett. Alyssa Greening has been anything but consistent up front for them, but when she’s firing, she’s firing. Belgrave dumpster Stahlburg 4-1 on their own turf with Kotaro Katsura showing his pedigree, and Gonen’s Bridge and Diamondqueen play out a lawless 4-4 slugfest.

Directus, unsurprisingly, make a better fist of things at home. Rowena Strongbow fires home from outside the box, but in effect, Bryger Tidesson’s equaliser pretty much ends the contest. Directus now need six, and Martel-Burns gives them their second, and then gets sent off as Brinemouth get the better of the second half to win 4-2. Union run the show against Athletic from start to finish, masterful game management and lethal counter-attacking combining to perfect effect. Vega Zeale-Riddick has a first-half hat-trick to her name after being pretty much invisible in the first leg, with a towering Horgan header finishing Apelles’ corner, and Athletic’s chances, despite a Tarala goal sandwiched in there somewhere. RCU show their pedigree against a Treason side that just runs out of legs in the last half-hour and gets picked apart for it, while Starling look doomed for an hour before a triple-substitution from an impatient Lisa Amos turns the game on its head; Varina Roebling rifles home a deflected strike to reward Amos’ faith, before the much-maligned Mateo Padilla charges down a ball from de Aea, one that bounces free for Nevaeh Cathar to unwieldily swipe past Andreas Swoboda. The Dockers and Passerines progress. Brinemouth, surely, are among the very favourites of those remaining.

When Sabrefell Athletic succumb to a scoreless draw in North Sabrefell that suits the Bohemians just fine, it finally opens an opportunity at the top; Crisisbless host Treason knowing that either team’s victory will put them atop the league. The Heelers have been good, but the Stags have been better, claiming 28 of their last possible 30 points, and they take the advantage in a game that very quickly becomes a shitfest. Goals from Fletcher and Accardi in the first 15 minutes, the latter a touch fortunately off a massive deflection from Teffeteller, give the Stags something to cling onto. Which they do, fighting tooth and nail for the rest of the game. Va’Afaja, soft-spoken and introverted off the pitch, charges Quintero into an advertising hoarding, picking up a second caution, but for the first time all season Kurtis Laiota picks up a red of his own. Airik Ruhl comes on with the chance to be a hero, but barely gets a sniff of the ball; Treason hold their 2-0 win and surge to pole position. Brinemouth hold their nerve to win a historically difficult trip to Chatswood, opening up an eight-point over fifth; now held by the Moths after a 5-0 demolition of the Spiders (who are presumably getting tired of Sabrefell sides…), vacated by Starling after they’re defeated 3-2 by Crisisbless United, and chased by Coret, who pummel Creed 4-0. Closest in the chasing pack are Stahlburg City and Vermillion Rage, who are defeated 4-1 by a rampant Corvistone (Baba Warrington scoring and ripping off his shirt to reveal a vest demanding “TASTE THE BABA”... and then repeating the trick after scoring again in the second half). Aries and Newrook are in the bottom half, but it’s not too late for them to turn it around.

After a 4-1 humbling by Stahlburg City, Cypher Town are the lowest-ranked side that could really conceivably be relegated, but they still have a seven point and ten-goal buffer; if Creed’s mid-season slump continues it’s not totally unthinkable that they could, too, but they’re six further points above. Realistically, though, the bottom six look isolated. Above the danger zone, Chatswood get key players Severa Conleth and Rehan Garrett, not to mention manager Leigh Fletcher, sent off in a fiery affair with Brinemouth; remarkably, even with nine men, Henderson scores a brutally ugly scuff-in to make it 3-1. North Sabrefell are on a run of three games without defeat… and eleven without a win. Cranequin City very nearly managed to isolate the bottom three but thankfully for the presence of a relegation fight at all, a late brace from Nya Murray overturned a 2-1 deficit and helped the Chenoworth Rovers pull within three points of 21st. It also helped them overhaul Parrhesia, who take a respectable point away from the Harriers, and two above a River side that fights valiantly but just lacks the quality to beat Aries Chariots at their own game. Certainly, neither the Saints nor Ferrymen are nearly as appalling now as they spent the first half of the season. There’s intrigue in this yet.

It’s fairly clear by now that it’s Leichhardt’s title to lose, goals from Stevenson and the lesser-spotted August Peacock securing a 2-0 derby win over Corvette to maintain a seven-point lead over South Laithalnd, who keep pace with a late winner to beat Dartmouth. The Southrons, in turn, open up a ten-point lead over Cranequin Wanderers, who are stunned in a 2-0 defeat to Belgrave; they, in turn, have five points in hand over, well, a bunch of teams on 54 points. Diamondqueen are stuck there after slipping to a 1-0 defeat by Chardonnay, Vermillion catch up by beating Morningstar and, uh, Serpentine? Serpentine claw level with a 5-1 demolition of Pillars of Southfell. It turned out that after Lyndis adapted to the pace and power of Nepharim football, she became terrifying. The list of teams on 50 or more points reaches down to 13th, but doesn’t include either Stahlburg (crushed 4-1 by Kathil Mizumaru. And the rest of Goodfeather, one supposes) or Corvette.

Bishop are looking a lot more comfortable after a few wins, unsurprisingly, and Lukas Pallister steers them to a nervy but welcome 2-1 victory against Peregrine that sets them nine points clear of the drop. Alliance, crushed 4-0 by Brookford, are the highest side in genuine danger. The Strongest, who have had a… weird season, endure a scoreless draw with Iron that’s a decent point to take, and Hackett (defeated by Armstrong) occupy the playoff place a point below. Dartmouth and PIllars have the same problem; they can’t score. Peregrine are terrible, twelve points adrift of even the playoffs, and are doomed; it’s five teams fighting to avoid two and a half places.

It took until round 26, and a 1-0 defeat to Riverkey, but West Brinemouth can be beaten. Apparently, they picked up a taste for it, losing their very next home game 2-0 to Gosmouth… who in turn subsequently lost 7-1 to Falston, because it’s a funny old game. Realistically, the Gulls are promoted, and have a 12-point lead over a resurgent AFC Rochford side that have finally figured out how to score goals. A resilient Crisisbless Athletic round out the top three, with free-scoring Locksley occupying the playoff place. Beneath them, things are starting to fall away a bit; Riverkey, CNL and an Extreme Hills side that refuse to die.

Defying pessimistic forecasts before the season, Southriver are probably safe, mostly through being resilient and stubborn. AFC Shale hover barely out of danger, while Kommissar flicker between occasional patches of good form (two straight wins over the Hounds and Sheridan raising hopes). Speaking of Sheridan, their resolute refusal to actually score goals has caught up with them, but it’s not too late. It probably is for Brokenarch and Ballardine FC, though, both seven points adrift of the playoff.

Star Players: Rochford’s charge up the table has in large part been down to the Audioslavian grit of their star defender, Mikolas Mendariz, and their vowel-challenged dynamo Traudl Mrdja. Locksley depend on a more straightforward messiah; Marika Kreisburg has real Premiership experience, and that shows with her dominance at this level at all aspects of the game. Too late for the 34-year old to get her pace back, but she doesn’t need it. Julian Alderweiss has been left, at times, brutally exposed in goal for the Hounds, but the former Bishop goalkeeper is one of the most commanding goalkeepers in the league and has been integral to their strong season. Greygate’s shining light in a fairly miserable season that’s seen hypothetical strong point Klaus Petriak totally forget how to score has been Rostyn Malick, their big, murderous defender. He eats crosses like he was born to, which rather hard-counters the next entry; Southriver’s star turn is Jess Mittelburg, an orthodox winger who knows her limits, keeps the chalk on her boots, and swings in cross after cross to Ismaul Hauer, who can put enough of them in.

Managerial Changes: Davina Hutch got the flick from AFC Shale. It wasn’t any stand-out performance, but the results just aren’t coming; the 1-1 away draw against an appalling Ballardine was the final straw. Hard-bitten journeyman Jasper Harlin takes over. Speaking of Ballardine, they gave Diadora Payne the flick after a disappointing 1-1 home draw with a toothless AFC Shale, Lyn Havelock taking charge but probably too late to secure survival.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason              34  21  10   3  69  26  +43  73
  2 Sabrefell Athletic       34  21   9   4  87  35  +52  72
  3 Crisisbless              34  22   5   7  69  29  +40  71
  4 Brinemouth               34  20   6   8  64  35  +29  66
  5 Sabrefell Moths          34  16  10   8  66  36  +30  58
  6 Starling                 34  16   8  10  58  40  +18  56
  7 Coret Hawks              34  16   5  13  73  46  +27  53
  8 Stahlburg City           34  14  11   9  44  38   +6  53
  9 Vermillion Rage          34  13  11  10  57  49   +8  50
 10 Southfell United         34  12  12  10  56  58   -2  48
 11 North Laithland          34  13   9  12  61  64   -3  48
 12 Crisisbless United       34  14   6  14  39  62  -23  48
 13 Aries Chariots           34  12  11  11  52  55   -3  47
 14 Chenoworth Harriers      34  12  11  11  44  47   -3  47
 15 Newrook City             34  12  10  12  42  41   +1  46
 16 AFC Corvistone           34  13   6  15  47  50   -3  45
 17 Creed United             34  12   6  16  44  50   -6  42
 18 Cypher Town              34  11   3  20  32  54  -22  36
 19 Chatswood                34   9   5  20  32  47  -15  32
 20 North Sabrefell          34   7  10  17  40  53  -13  31
 21 Cranequin City           34   7   8  19  30  62  -32  29
 22 Chenoworth Rovers        34   6   8  20  36  68  -32  26
 23 Parrhesia United         34   6   8  20  31  76  -45  26
 24 Raven River              34   6   6  22  24  76  -52  24

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Leichhardt                34  23   7   4  59  27  +32  76
  2 South Laithland           34  22   3   9  73  41  +32  69
  3 Cranequin Wanderers       34  17   8   9  49  37  +12  59
  4 Diamondqueen              34  16   6  12  62  41  +21  54
  5 Vermillion Wanderers      34  16   6  12  52  40  +12  54
  6 AFC Serpentine            34  15   9  10  53  43  +10  54
  7 Mantlegrove               34  14  10  10  37  27  +10  52
  8 Chardonnay Rangers        34  14   9  11  52  47   +5  51
  9 Belgrave                  34  14   8  12  64  48  +16  50
 10 Brookford Otters          34  13  11  10  57  43  +14  50
 11 Goodfeather FC            34  15   5  14  50  44   +6  50
 12 Iron City                 34  13  11  10  32  29   +3  50
 13 Morningstar               34  14   8  12  41  44   -3  50
 14 Stahlburg Rovers          34  13   8  13  53  50   +3  47
 15 Armstrong                 34  12  10  12  38  38   +0  46
 16 Corvette Maulers          34  14   4  16  46  49   -3  46
 17 Gonen's Bridge            34  11  11  12  46  52   -6  44
 18 Bishop                    34  11   9  14  43  54  -11  42
 19 Alliance Barossia         34  11   4  19  37  55  -18  37
 20 The Strongest             34   8  10  16  44  63  -19  34
 21 Hackett                   34   9   6  19  37  66  -29  33
 22 Dartmouth Terriers        34   9   5  20  26  50  -24  32
 23 Pillars of Southfell      34   7  10  17  26  48  -22  31
 24 Peregrine                 34   5   6  23  39  80  -41  21

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 West Brinemouth            34  23   9   2  64  22  +42  78
  2 AFC Rochford               34  19   9   6  55  29  +26  66
  3 Crisisbless Athletic       34  18   8   8  51  30  +21  62
  4 Locksley                   34  17   9   8  67  39  +28  60
  5 Riverkey                   34  17   6  11  40  33   +7  57
  6 Corinthians No Longer      34  15   9  10  60  52   +8  54
  7 Extreme Hills              34  15   9  10  49  49   +0  54
  8 Stonegrave                 34  12  13   9  32  27   +5  49
  9 Falston United             34  12  11  11  38  34   +4  47
 10 Coret Rovers               34  12  10  12  53  45   +8  46
 11 Aries Solitaire            34  12  10  12  48  40   +8  46
 12 Gosmouth Swans             34  12   9  13  46  56  -10  45
 13 The Hanged Man             34  10  14  10  38  35   +3  44
 14 Greygate                   34  10  14  10  33  32   +1  44
 15 Barossia United            34  11  11  12  33  36   -3  44
 16 Lazuli Diamonds            34  11  11  12  44  54  -10  44
 17 Ritter Town                34  10  12  12  37  45   -8  42
 18 Boltcroft Thorns           34  11   8  15  52  60   -8  41
 19 Southriver                 34  10   8  16  35  54  -19  38
 20 AFC Shale                  34   8   9  17  25  36  -11  33
 21 Kommissar                  34   7  11  16  38  55  -17  32
 22 Sheridan                   34   6  11  17  19  40  -21  29
 23 Brokenarch                 34   5  10  19  22  48  -26  25
 24 Ballardine FC              34   6   7  21  36  64  -28  25

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Martella Jazz                34  24   7   3  70  24  +46  79
  2 Crossroads Town              34  21   6   7  70  36  +34  69
  3 Autumnstone                  34  18  14   2  67  33  +34  68
  4 Kensey Town                  34  19   6   9  54  40  +14  63
  5 South Parrhesia              34  16  10   8  52  38  +14  58
  6 East Laithland Harriers      34  14  10  10  56  42  +14  52
  7 Brindleton                   34  13  13   8  53  47   +6  52
  8 Iron United                  34  15   7  12  42  42   +0  52
  9 Mapleford                    34  14   8  12  53  40  +13  50
 10 Strephonage                  34  14   8  12  45  41   +4  50
 11 Hartford Glade               34  13   9  12  52  49   +3  48
 12 Rochford Pilgrims            34  13   6  15  56  43  +13  45
 13 Ox River United              34  10  13  11  37  41   -4  43
 14 Caldwick Strand              34  11  10  13  42  49   -7  43
 15 Fully Sick XI                34  10   9  15  49  60  -11  39
 16 Riverkey Shells              34  10   8  16  43  51   -8  38
 17 West Hook                    34   9  11  14  31  39   -8  38
 18 Downsparrow                  34  10   8  16  33  53  -20  38
 19 Ingram Township              34   8  13  13  24  33   -9  37
 20 Sutcroft                     34  10   5  19  45  72  -27  35
 21 Long Lake                    34   7  12  15  25  38  -13  33
 22 Falston Town                 34   9   4  21  32  65  -33  31
 23 Sutcroft Athletic            34   7   9  18  41  68  -27  30
 24 Sirencall FC                 34   6   8  20  39  67  -28  26

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United            34  18   8   8  67  40  +27  62
  2 Crownsend Journey       34  17   8   9  63  36  +27  59
  3 FC Seierstad            34  17   8   9  55  42  +13  59
  4 Grovebank               34  14  16   4  53  38  +15  58
  5 Fischer                 34  15  11   8  49  38  +11  56
  6 Courser                 34  16   7  11  38  33   +5  55
  7 Iberia Chenoworth       34  17   3  14  68  64   +4  54
  8 Lockheed Zenith         34  14   9  11  50  43   +7  51
  9 AFC Hellerine           34  13   8  13  55  52   +3  47
 10 Boleyn Town             34  11  12  11  35  34   +1  45
 11 Stonesthrow Town        34  12   8  14  38  38   +0  44
 12 Ringway                 34  10  13  11  47  46   +1  43
 13 Fenland Albion          34  11   9  14  38  43   -5  42
 14 AFC Feuerweiss          34  11   9  14  52  64  -12  42
 15 Harrington              34  10  11  13  57  55   +2  41
 16 Besand's Folly          34  11   8  15  42  56  -14  41
 17 Chenoworth Teutons      34   7  13  14  38  46   -8  34
 18 Stekelenbright          34   7  11  16  51  71  -20  32
 19 Sleetwell Rangers       34   7  10  17  43  70  -27  31
 20 Camwell Road            34   7   8  19  33  63  -30  29

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin Souths          34  21   9   4  71  34  +37  72
  2 Brunyard FC               34  19   9   6  68  48  +20  66
  3 New Oakstone Phoenix      34  19   8   7  88  42  +46  65
  4 Brookford Vantablack      34  15  13   6  52  32  +20  58
  5 The Travellers FC         34  16  10   8  57  45  +12  58
  6 Northside Eagles          34  17   6  11  58  48  +10  57
  7 Twelvetrees               34  17   6  11  44  36   +8  57
  8 Bodkin Road               34  16   8  10  49  32  +17  56
  9 Corvistone City           34  13  13   8  44  28  +16  52
 10 AFC Volksgarten           34  15   7  12  37  37   +0  52
 11 Rookwall                  34  12  12  10  42  33   +9  48
 12 AFC Davenport             34  14   3  17  41  47   -6  45
 13 Gridlock                  34  12   7  15  34  36   -2  43
 14 Constance Park            34  10   7  17  32  44  -12  37
 15 AFC Burchess              34   8   8  18  34  52  -18  32
 16 Aries Tigers              34   7  10  17  41  58  -17  31
 17 Markoni                   34   9   3  22  36  67  -31  30
 18 Blaze                     34   7   9  18  33  70  -37  30
 19 Brookway Town             34   5  13  16  28  60  -32  28
 20 Stamper Road              34   5   5  24  27  67  -40  20

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 09, 2019 6:22 am

The chances of an unlikely Stahlburg derby in the final are dramatically lengthened when the Rovers, standout favourites, fall to pieces against Pillars. It’s an eyesore of a match, just because orange and purple look like shit against each other. Heidi Ishtar orchestrates the win, linking up well with her partners in crime from the right wing. Strikes from Talay and Aurtenetxe secure a likely win, along with rock-solid defensive work. City, meanwhile, endure a late scare against Parrhesia, uncharacteristically careless defence and miscommunication giving Quinn McEthinly room to sneak in and drive home a late goal, and 3-2 is a winnable scoreline. Cranequin City against Bishop is a dull affair; Risdon should put aside a strike from Lizzy Addison, but instead parried it forward, so a lurking Gemmill could tap it home. Alliance and River slug it out, Woodloe Cash managing a goal either end, with a late equaliser from Kristian Non giving Alliance hope and an even later ‘winner’ from substitute Jonas Busch chalked off for offside giving them reason to feel aggrieved; it was marginal at best, but River have the narrow edge.

Treason battle hard against Coret, and it took until the 81st minute to find a breakthrough with the Hawks not exactly content to just spoil, but they’re still eager to use Dragan Stavanger as their out ball. Nearly works a few times, but the veteran striker can’t quite direct his headers into the corners, and Clavel’s command is strong. Athletic stay hot in the hunt, battering Kaara Iarrow’s goal - really, the satyr did well to keep the score down to three - but Nygard and Ocokoljic show their class at the other end to spice up the opening stages. Crisisbless can’t find a way past the determined Smiths, who are content to secure the scoreless draw… or would be, had Na’Kefir not saved a penalty from Brujah. Twice. Na’Kefir’s incandescent when Longship’s swipe gives Voegel the excuse to fall over, and gets a strong wrist to bat Brujah’s penalty away… and is more incandescent when the referee spots him leaping egregiously off his line. Kresimir Brujah isn’t easily intimidated, but Na’Kefir seems to manage it. The second penalty is terrible, at a comfortable height, and pushed with ease around the post. The Moths batter Cypher 4-0, but it’s an unlikely race to make it to the top four, as incumbents Brinemouth predictably slam Parrhesia 3-0.

North Sabrefell win a game! Not a good game, by any measure, and against vulnerable opposition in the Chariots, who just haven’t quite come together this season as was hoped. Maersk and Kastriot batter the Chariots’ midfield into submission, and Maersk herself drives home the winning blow from distance, a distance one might hope Commerford has covered. He doesn’t. In fairness, the Chariots have been depleted by injury, but the attacking trident of Lazarou - Sierra - Kaelin remains. It just hasn’t fired. Cranequin City have the chance to seriously narrow the relegation fight with a win against Chatswood, but don’t. That leaves Chenoworth Rovers the big winners at the bottom, winning out in the slugging match against Vermillion. Nya Murray lifts the team on her shoulders yet again with a hat-trick, a perfect one at that. Andrea Vithoulkas is the latest non-solution to be paired alongside her, but at least the young local can run. River do get points for style, though, getting hammered 7-3 at home by North Laithland. Eoin Killanen is thought to have a guarantee from the board that he’ll keep the job even if they get relegated. He needs it.

1. TREASON - 76 - 44
2. ATHLETIC - 75 - 53
3. CRISISBLESS - 72 - 40
4. BRINEMOUTH - 69 - 32
--
5. MOTHS - 61 - 34
6. STARLING - 59 - 20

18. CYPHER - 36 - -26
19. CHATSWOOD - 35 - -14
20. NORTH SABREFELL - 34 - -12
--
21. ROVERS - 29 - -30
22. CRANEQUIN - 29 - -33
23. PARRHESIA - 26 - -48
24. RIVER - 24 - -56

“Sacked in the morning! You’re getting sacked in the morning…” Belgrave’s away fans are in brutal voice tonight, as their Gargoyles pulverise Peregrine 6-1. It’s Rebecca Kelsey’s second match in charge. To her credit, she’s blooding many young players; the issue is that most young players actually good enough for Peregrine would probably have been tried already. Vermillion Wanderers go direct to bypass the Diamonds’ midfield and beat them with a brace from Saara, the unquestioned star of the season, leapfrogging them to fourth in the table; Serpentine, with a draw against Dartmouth, are a place closer but two points further behind. South Laithland open up the title race, a late flurry of goals seeing them overcome the Maulers 4-3, while Gonen’s surprisingly take out Leichhardt 3-1 and close the gap at the top to four. Meanwhile, Elrik Raskine’s Brookford get pulped 5-1 by the Strongest, finally living up to their name, with Hackett beating Alliance to seriously tighten the relegation fight.

The Seekers clinch an early goal, Talay clipping a free kick into the box, bodies slamming into each other and Meghan Alsatian, defensive midfielder, scrabbling home her first goal of the season despite having started nearly every game. Stahlburg Rovers batter the door but only one squeezes past Brookhouse, at her near post, in an otherwise exemplary match. “We are going to win the Cup,” Yura Bartok boldly declares… for good reason, as it’s probably keeping her job alive. It’s certainly the only plausible explanation for why Kaj Aurora is still in a job, though in fairness at least she offers entertainment value. The Saints dominate a passive, stolid Stahlburg City, Abigail Teris flicking home a far-post header before a howitzer blast from Adraan Telviir finishes City off. Bishop dominate the ball against Cranequin City but the final touch is always a little too clumsy, too heavy, and Bruno Kezman impresses between the posts, and a stifling double pivot of Lechleiter and Tsolakis stems the flow in midfield. River beat Alliance comfortably, given the cushion of away goals. Quickly and firmly establishing control of midfield, Zalzaria sets up Villaverde for the opener and though sharp saves from Markus Rose kept the score down for a leveller from Imogen Jeweler to introduce some intrigue, shut down by a flicked header from an unmarked Beridze just three minutes later. “She can’t shoot for shit but you can’t just leave her alone in the box like that,” cackles Eoin Killanen in the light of her POTM display, the River manager being perhaps a little too honest...

Treason stumble at the summit, in Rovena Stride’s glorious return to her former club. The cocksure young rightback flights in a peach of a cross at an awkward height and Metzger steals in between Carroll and Dmitriev to stab home, and she’s pretty damn happy about it. This goes down poorly with the home fans, who laugh and jeer when at the other end, towards the tail end of a frustrating game, Kou knocks the ball past Stride and simply races past her, the rightback overcommitting and faceplanting in pursuit… better still when Kou then centres for Whittaker to drive home the winner. Athletic blow their chance to retake the lead, looking tired in a 3-2 defeat to Crisisbless United’s energetic press, while Crisisbless’ hard-fought 1-0 win over a stubborn, determined Sabrefell Moths and Brinemouth’s 4-0 cruising over a hapless Creed both sharpen the picture at the top, and more or less close off any challenge to the top four.

Chenoworth Rovers also help enforce the status quo. There’s questions over their first goal against Starling, Nova Kymeri seemingly barged over by Hartley (seeming because she was) before Rashica Horvath turned, played a neat one-two with Grey Meisler and drove a low, pointed strike past Smordal, but there’s no questions at all about the spectacular volley from Nya Murray that really underlines how she’s scored scarily close to half the Rovers’ goals. A great day at the office sours with late goals from Netzach and Dostalok; neither side wins, either on paper or spiritually. Cypher clean out River 3-0 to underline that little bit of quality, mostly star turn Andrea Bereveskos destroying the deputy leftback Molly Killanen, North Sabrefell take a point from Newrook, while Chatswood impressively topple Vermillion Rage with a number of sharp saves from Williams and two goals off set pieces. Parrhesia and Cranequin, for their part, get the dismal scoreless draw they deserve.

1. TREASON - 77 - 44
2. ATHLETIC - 75 - 52
3. CRISISBLESS - 75 - 41
4. BRINEMOUTH - 72 - 36
--
5. MOTHS - 61 - 33
6. STARLING - 60 - 20

18. CYPHER - 39 - -23
19. CHATSWOOD - 38 - -12
20. NORTH SABREFELL - 35 - -12
--
21. ROVERS - 30 - -30
22. CRANEQUIN - 30 - -33
23. PARRHESIA - 27 - -48
24. RIVER - 24 - -59

Nerves as things tighten at the top. South Laithland, shut down by Bridge, rely on an 87th minute winner from Nagisa Habane with shades of offside to them; Leichhardt leave it to the 89th before Erik Klempner makes the difference off the bench against Chardonnay. Both managers, Kunde and Winter, talk after the match about how winning while playing poorly is reflective of a champion’s mentality. Alliance, yet again, lose a home match they can’t afford to; this time it’s Pillars getting the better of them, clinging to an early goal from Monika Talay.

Oh. Ohh, wow. Athletic lose a second straight match to Corvistone, and Crisisbless are inexplicably cold-cocked 1-0 by River, with Eoin Killanen jubilant in the aftermath and the ‘fuck-it’ selection of teenage midfielder Lothaire Cromwell paying dividends, as he dominates far more heralded opponents and sets up Cardoso’s winner. But no, all eyes are in Treason. All eyes are on the Classic. From Treason’s end, Cheney Bittencourt openly states, “I’d sacrifice my firstborn for a win here.” Brinemouth’s manager is less dramatic, Gareth Blackthorn settling instead for, “We need to win this game if we’re to snatch the title, and I believe we have to. We must at the very least deny them their eighth, and get there first.” Treason’s play matches their manager’s passion, Brinemouth’s their cool composure, and the second is, one hates to admit, a little more effective on the pitch; time after time a Stag goes in sliding hard for the ball, only for their quarry to turn aside and just pass back to a waiting midfielder. In one such instance, the first is Jonsson (uncharacteristically) and the second is Marcin Close (characteristically) to pass back to Evelyn Conjure, who advances with menace through the gap in midfield. Five sharp passes later, and she’s finished the move off, whipping in a finish unmarked from the corner of the box. Treason go hard to strike back, and continue even when they get one from a deflected strike from Accardi, settling for a draw unthinkable given the baying home fans shouting, “KILL THEM OFF! KILL THEM OFF!” But they can’t. Metzger hits a post, Fletcher, the side netting, while Jonsson never seriously tests Ryan Bull. And it’s from an attack restarted by Bull, opportunistically slinging down the flank when surrounded by bodies, that results in the 89th-minute shank through the ribs; the quietly impressive Oliver Spencer drives forward, across the entire length of the pitch, it seems, cuts inside to draw out the impetuous Konrad Vornander only to release Bryger Tidesson with a flick of the outside boot. From there, even at a narrow angle and with Va’Afaja in pursuit, the most expensive player in Premiership history earns his keep. Brinemouth win 2-1, and there’s now four sides at the top split by two points. The Moths lose to Coret and Starling draw with Chatswood; neither are about to catch up at this stage.

The Saints could probably be forgiven thinking that losing 8-0 to Treason earlier in the year was as bad as it’d get. Oh, poor children, how little they know; they make the short jaunt south to visit the Rage. Losing 4-1 at home was bad enough, but just 26 minutes in they’re 3-0 down. Worse still, Saints local Ramona Porter scores two of them, then sets up two more before being taken off just before the hour, the score 5-0; Cassadore, Fleetwood and Hart finish the job, an 8-0 demolition. River draw level on points, and strangely enough, the goal difference margin has evaporated between them. North Sabrefell pull away from the bottom four as Crisisbless United’s attack shuts down, bar a penalty won by Tanith Carter (who can’t do anything all match apart from falling over under some touch from Armbruster); meanwhile, attacking with pace, verve and conviction, the Bohemians strike back with three in the second half to secure a win they more than deserved. The gap from 20th to 21st is now eight points, and the Bohemians can probably start to breathe easy.

1. TREASON - 77 - 43
2. ATHLETIC - 75 - 51
3. CRISISBLESS - 75 - 40
4. BRINEMOUTH - 75 - 37
--
5. MOTHS - 61 - 32
6. STARLING - 61 - 20

18. CYPHER - 40 - -23
19. CHATSWOOD - 39 - -12
20. NORTH SABREFELL - 38 - -10
--
21. ROVERS - 30 - -31
22. CRANEQUIN - 30 - -34
23. PARRHESIA - 27 - -56
24. RIVER - 27 - -58

Peregrine are rubbish, getting dumpstered 4-0 at home by an Iron City side that just do not score goals. Brookford flare up abruptly and take advantage of a poor performance from Cranequin Wanderers, displaying that, well, under pressure? It really is possible to hurt Jerrell Drake’s charges. Mostly down the left side, where Jaspen does leave space to attack, and the suspended Hasret Kaveci is badly missed down the right. Vermillion and Mantlegrove slug it out, the teams who should really not quite be fighting for promotion, and it’s the Wanderers that win out; the Dryads do strike first, inevitably through Cantra Duprey - somewhat clumsily, she strikes against the post and sort of stumbles into the rebound to sweep it past the sprawled-out Randwick - but never look good value to hold onto it, Pinnon and Zihark hitting back in the second half. And of course, the two at the top continue to climb despite difficult trips away to dark horses for promotion.

The top four all win by three-goal margins, Treason retaining their narrow advantage by battering Cranequin City 3-0. City manager Dan Keel shrugs before the match and says he’s happy to be put under siege; Cheney Bittencourt shrugs and says he’s happier to be the one laying siege. And in Metzger and Fletcher - not that Metzger actually plays, he’s given a rare rest - they have the battering rams to bring them down. Athletic cream Chenoworth Rovers 4-1, with the Harriers across town beating the Moths 3-1 in a match where injuries force veteran rightback Lionel Dalton into defensive midfield, where he excels; suffice to say the red sides in both teams get the bragging rights. Crisisbless ram holes into an exposed North Laithland, while Brinemouth are the most impressive of all, in truth. It’s no easy feet getting past Stahlburg’s iron wall, and the Smiths aren’t minded to oblige them by opening up. If the Dockers want a shot at Prant-Telew, they’ll have to find a way past the old warhorse, Ursa Dimitar, who has won a regular starting berth in the second half of her final season. Which they do, mostly by attacking the flanks instead in the second half; that approach pays dividends, Tidesson with a brace and Dragana on the other flank with the killing blow.

North Sabrefell’s unbeaten streak of five comes to a violent halt when Corvistone smash six past Daunten, Babatunde Warrington declaring himself ‘the Relegator’ on Twii.tur after his hat-trick. But that still requires the teams below them to win games, and that doesn’t look likely when they’re all so… so bad. Then again, perhaps River are showing the embers of recovery? It looks bad for them when Coret take them out 2-0 in the first nine minutes, Caracole and Stavanger capitalising on gaping defensive gaps, and it doesn’t seem too bad that captain Nikolaidis misses a sitter in an increasingly rare start. River strike back, Beridze with a neat little flick to set up Ruby Gjasula to strike home - she does, it’s flagged offside, before the linesman puts his foot down and demands the referee obey his judgement. The linesman is wrong, hilariously, but the referee caves to his conviction and the goal stands. So do others, from Cardoso and Crowe and Crowe again, until Fiona Norval’s glorious goal on her return to the hometown club that rejected her is barely even a consolation, and is then waved offside anyway. Skapetis nets an actual consolation in injury time, and is then sent off when Chuy Villaverde picks up the ball and curls up into the fetal position to stop it being wrested away. Skapetis helps the situation by kicking him in the spine. Parrhesia let a 2-1 halftime lead slip away in defeat to Starling, but even they could still stay up. In theory.

1. TREASON - 80 - 46
2. ATHLETIC - 78 - 54
3. CRISISBLESS - 78 - 43
4. BRINEMOUTH - 78 - 40
--
5. STARLING - 64 - 21

18. CYPHER - 41 - -23
19. CHATSWOOD - 40 - -12
20. NORTH SABREFELL - 38 - -15
--
21. ROVERS - 30 - -34
22. CRANEQUIN - 30 - -37
23. RIVER - 30 - -57
24. PARRHESIA - 27 - -57

Belgrave will never be far from the headlines with Adalheid Metzelder in charge, but today she has the luxury of letting the scoreline speak for itself. Istria Saara’s header - she’s been prolific, but scored just six with her feet all season - is cancelled out by a strike from Katsura, a rare Lithe Bronwyne goal levelled by one rather more common from Markus Strand and then Belgrave just keep scoring, until they have the luxury of missing a late penalty and laughing because, hell, it’s 7-2. 7-3 when the Wanderers get, and convert, a penalty of their own, but they take the plaudits and close the gap. Armstrong are just a more boring version of Gonen’s Bridge, but finishing makes the difference in a game where the Paladins don’t seem to dominate but still win 4-0, burnishing a breakthrough year for the rehabilitated Poppey, a disastrous late own goal from Tyw Salling gives Dartmouth the three points against The Strongest, and the top two keep on grinding out wins. That’s good news for the Stargazers.

Okay. It’s been a tough run of fixtures, culminating in a 2-0 defeat to Brinemouth, but… seriously? The Moths have lost four straight! That just doesn’t happen to them, or, well, it didn’t. A second mediocre season in a row from Sur Arora, and this time without the salve of being, uh, the best team in the world. So, no, Arora’s in absolutely no danger of the sack; but still, this isn’t great. Treason pulverise Vermillion 4-1, with Ferena Rauch’s easy control over the match just twisting the knife for the Rage. Crisisbless kept in touch, but had to leave it late, and to Airik Ruhl’s arrival off the bench in the 80th minute - with his first touch, he leathered a pass from Quintero past Ruo in the 81st to seal a 1-0 win over Cypher, though Bereveskos forced a brilliant springing save from Na’Kefir shortly afterwards. This leaves Sabrefell Athletic to choke on the easiest fixture of any of them, hosting a stubborn Chatswood. They go ahead early on, a characteristic Coltrane-to-Ens-to-Tarala-to-Ens-to-Tarala passing sequence dizzying Chatswood and leaving one of the best strikers in the world unmarked in the box, Nova Williams luckless in palming his shot onto the inside of the upright to rebound in anyway. No matter. Williams kept them in the game for the rest of the first half, before Athletic just seemed relatively happy to sit on their lead in the second. Right up until Konstanze Luitgard, seemingly a spent force, a 33-year old pace striker, only playing due to Garrett’s injury, took advantage when Heidt’s low cross squirreled under Campbell’s boot, letting her steal inside and thump a strike past Gautier.

It’s a useful point for Chatswood, and recedes their relegation chances still further. That’s handy, because the bottom four decide this is the time to finally start picking points up. North Sabrefell, somewhat rejuvenated of late, have the chance to hermetically seal off the current bottom four with a win over Chenoworth Rovers. But they seem too relaxed, too confident, and for all they stroke the ball around with confidence, the Rovers’ tireless pressing and willingness to throw bodies in the way shuts down any hope of a Bohemians goal. And when the Rovers attack, it’s with pace and dynamism. Meisler threatens with two presentable strikes put wide, Misha Paterson rattled a strike against the crossbar and finally, teenage firebrand Anselm Koerner gets his first league goal, rifling a ball to Murray’s feet, Murray seeing no way past Armbruster but casually laying the ball back, Koerner breaking past the defensive line and going for pure power, blasting his shot past Daunten into the underside of the crossbar and in. Orban finally turned to his bete noire, Sabine Montag, in the 72nd minute. She had the inspiration to cause a breakthrough… but on the day, looked overweight and demoralised. Which she was. Cranequin City force a point in a dire scoreless draw against Stahlburg City, while the Ferrymen draw 1-1 with the Harriers, Abraham Cardoso’s recent lift in form culminating with a thunderstrike from outside the box that left the aging Sheffield with no chance.

1. TREASON - 83 - 49
2. CRISISBLESS - 81 - 44
3. BRINEMOUTH - 81 - 42
4. ATHLETIC - 79 - 54

18. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -12
19. CYPHER - 41 - -25
20. NORTH SABREFELL - 38 - -16
--
21. ROVERS - 33 - -33
22. CRANEQUIN - 31 - -37
23. RIVER - 31 - -57
24. PARRHESIA - 27 - -58

No team scores more than twice in a tightly contested round. Dartmouth employ fair means and foul to keep a clean sheet against Stahlburg Rovers, even after being put down to 10 men after just nineteen minutes when Forsyth practically decapitates Diebeck with a flying elbow. “The referee bottled it after that. Like there’d be bad optics for another red card or something,” grumbled Reinhard Drake after the game ends scoreless, a great away point for the Terriers. Alliance Barossia take an early two-goal lead against a poor Gonen’s Bridge, before Aldous Moore is sent off for a second caution after thuggishly fouling, uh, Esmond Moore; the Warriors recover and dominate the last 20 minutes, young Alliance goalkeeper Markus Rose enduring a siege on his goal and conceding just once, Olenna Salthouse finding the top corner from just outside the box… but Bridge’s momentum halts when Fyona Matthews is caught badly out with a long ball over the top from Jeweler, impulsively palming the ball away outside her box before Chance crashes into her, and getting sent off for her trouble. Leichhardt visit Vermillion and come away with a 2-0 win; South Laithland visit Mantlegrove and come away with a 2-0 win.

“This is a passionate football club,” says Cheney Bittencourt, stating the obvious, “but at times like this, we need to stay calm. One by one, we need to destroy our competition.” Starling may not really be in contention for the Champions Cup places as things stand, but it’s still by no means an easy opponent. Roxel, Kymeri and Armstrong stand over the midfield like titans, and the Stags find it easier to take the ball to the flanks, where McInnes and Accardi drive with vigour at the opposing fullbacks… until Accardi jinks inside Castor only to be cleaned out by Visser and fall awkwardly, badly, and that’s her out for the season. Treason seem eager to swear revenge and press hard over the rest of the first half, finally getting the breakthrough when Va’Afaja’s cross is headed, looping, into the net by John Fletcher. They aren’t inclined to press their luck, though Armstrong and Dostalok both wind up hitting posts. Both sides feel they should have penalties, as well, though Bittencourt after the game feels relief that “at least the referee wanted to let the game flow.” Starling captain Armstrong: “Well, yeah, he would say that. His lot won.” Crisisbless keep up, brushing a floundering Aries side aside 2-0 with goals from Laiota and Quintero, who it’s fair to say hit the ground running.

Elsewhere, it’s a tough call for the sides near the bottom to pick up points against those near the top; that said, some don’t go down easy. Sabrefell Moths claw back some pride, simply having too much firepower for Cranequin City, Romano and Vol reminding everyone that they aren’t quite all the way over the hill just yet with a goal apiece and a thunderbastard from Swansea Reach glossing the scoreline, while Athletic make heavy weather of defeating a Parrhesia side that’s… for once, happy to just park the bus. Radu Bartok puts in a heroic shift in goal, but a lightning strike from Orsolya Gere after wriggling between two markers is beyond him. Brinemouth also make heavy weather of taking down River, and they don’t have the excuse of an away trip. River get an equaliser through Nikita Crowe, finally finding her feet in Nephara (and only after Harriet Novac was given a run of games in the playmaking role, and crashed, and burned) and five minutes later see Zalzaria sent off for a wild challenge on Franz Kesteren. Bitter, Kesteren does eventualy score the winner in the 89th minute, a piledriver after shrugging off challenges from Ruthers and Cardoso, and celebrates the goal pointedly against the club he left acrimoniously in the off-season. North Sabrefell beat Chatswood to draw closer to safety, Zander and Laramee with the goals, but Maersk making the true difference in midfield. Certainly, the goals aren’t there up front, despite Cheney’s undoubted industry. The gap is now nine points.

1. TREASON - 86 - 50
2. CRISISBLESS - 84 - 46
3. BRINEMOUTH - 84 - 43
4. ATHLETIC - 82 - 55

18. CHATSWOOD - 42 - -14
19. NORTH SABREFELL - 41 - -14
20. CYPHER - 41 - -26
--
21. ROVERS - 33 - -34
22. CRANEQUIN - 31 - -39
23. RIVER - 31 - -58
24. PARRHESIA - 27 - -59

South Laithland and Leichhardt can’t both keep winning… not when the Southrons host the Stargazers, and get the perfect chance to lay a glve on them directly. Both sides are normally content to clamp down in defence, and an away draw would suit Leichhardt just fine… well, that gets more remote when a lethal diagonal ball in from Tanner caroms off Colchester’s knee into Reiziger’s thigh, Cass Lazaridis acting quickly to sweep home the loose ball while everyone’s still wondering where the hell it is. Stevenson misses a clear-cut chance soon afterwards to snatch back the leveller, turning quickly but putting his shot too close to Hartmuth, who scrambled the ball away… but pressing hard, the Stargazers do score through the industrious Reiziger, taking a 1-1 scoreline into half-time. The second half falls back into a predictable pattern, the Southrons hammering on the door. Eventually, Lienen replaces Auttenberg in a transparent attempt to bulk up the midfield, but it backfires; without the sporadic threat on their own goal, the Southrons are emboldened to pour forward; Habane puts Somner on her backside before crossing for Michail to head home, before Ulrich Tanner, undisputed POTM, drives hard inside, survives getting sandwiched by Colchester and Woodruff and toebashes the ball awkwardly past the charging Adekoya to seal a late but deserved 3-1 win, blowing the title race wide open. The Strongest really haven’t fired in attack, but even pitted against Gonen’s Bridge’s 38-year old backup goalkeeper, Morgan Bell, one would expect them to grasp ‘shoot a lot’. Laegjarn Martyn is the one person to grasp it, shooting on sight, and one does sneak under the veteran, but at the other end Esmond Moore forces home a bullet header past Alastair Cavan from point-blank range to share the spoils.

And again, there are no easy match-ups. But Northern Union, reigning runners-up of the Champions Cup and recent conquerers of Sabrefell Athletic, come unstuck against a Brinemouth side that manage to unlace their defence with pace. Always a side that look a little uncomfortable in the driver’s seat, Union sit back and stay content until Considine bundles over Kesteren for a free kick that Conjure breezily bends over a wall of five and past the goalkeeper Farrell. That means Union need, need their home goal, and they never look comfortable in search of it; Calindra Apelles is a subdued figure in Soederquist’s pocket, and Ryan Bull is barely tested. At the other end, leftback Tambor somewhat naively turns his back on Bryger Tidesson and gets beasted by the marquee man, who drives easily down the throat of the defence and chips breezily over an advancing Farrell to seal the 2-0 win. CAP host Starling, having been unsuccessful in luring Union manager Erin Camden away in the off-season; they play hard, and can be thankful for having the bellowing home advantage mean a referee isn’t too eager to pull out the cards. Liam Armstrong strikes against the run of play in the 37th minute, somehow unmarked on the fringes of the box to drag a shot agonisingly out of Gerber’s reach, and that helps Starling grow into the game, find their rhythm… until Camila Soria Luna strikes back for CAP against the run of play with a wickedly spinning shot through a crowd of legs that the ordinarily rock-solid Smordal arguably should have saved.

Near the very tail end of season, and there’s some tired legs being put out… a lot of clubs struggling to rotate, or dealing with injuries. So a few stumbles at the top are understandable. Treason, starting young guns like Vale and Carter and a leftback in Bayliss whose time is coming to move on, stutter to a scoreless draw in Southfell, but Crisisbless’ hot pursuit gets caught up against the Hawks as, missing Quintero through a minor knock, they lack the inspiration to cut through. Brinemouth are forced to hand a first league start to 19-year old Flo Eschborn who endures a torrid time in defence in Lindmark, though late strikes from Kesteren and Tidesson pull back an 80th-minute 3-1 lead to salvage a point, meaning Athletic fall behind as the rest stand still as they fall to a 3-1 defeat hosting Creed, with teenage leftback Alexis Koutros run so ragged by Joel Conway that, after Conway gashes her for the manyth time to centre for Trabelsi to stroke home his second in the 59th minute, Koutros stumbles to the sidelines and vomits on an advertising hoarding. The Moths also fall to defeat in Vermillion; to their credit, Starling become the only team of the established top six to actually win, and facing the toughest opposition at that. Mathis Orsay has done very well for Stahlburg City since leaving Starling, but amidst the hype, he isn’t quite a top-class centre-half; losing track of the ball in flight and letting Mateo Padilla slip past him to score shows why, with a workmanlike tap-in from Dostalok completing the win.

It’s too early to say that the top three of the bottom seven are safe, but they took another step closer by all picking up points. Chatswood gutted out a dire 1-0 win in Newrook, Andreu Bartolnicci going mad on the touchline as Chatswood seemed to get away with murder. Even their goal, from Ivana Henderson, seemed blatantly offside… but replays showed the last touch of the ball had come off Newrook defender Perica Zagorec. North Sabrefell would probably take a point on paper, but at home against Parrhesia it has to be said that failing to score is not exactly impressive. Sabine Montag stays on the bench throughout, crossing her arms, smirking. Yeah, she’s on the way out. Cypher snatch a point against the Harriers, both sides scoring a penalty. As none of the bottom four win, Cranequin and River indeed drawing one another, this leaves them four points adrift of true safety… but the fight over 21st and the playoff is getting downright claustrophobic.

1. TREASON - 87 - 50
2. CRISISBLESS - 85 - 46
3. BRINEMOUTH - 85 - 43
4. ATHLETIC - 82 - 54

18. CHATSWOOD - 45 - -13
19. NORTH SABREFELL - 42 - -14
20. CYPHER - 42 - -26
--
21. ROVERS - 33 - -35
22. CRANEQUIN - 32 - -39
23. RIVER - 32 - -58
24. PARRHESIA - 28 - -59
15 points left to play for.

… And right after opening up the title race, South Laithland lose out in an utterly mad 6-4 rout to Vermillion Wanderers. Gerhard Hartmuth, normally the safest pair of hands in the league, falls to pieces when Journey Pike’s routine backpass squirms under his boot and into the net, and the game only gets wilder from there. Hartmuth then drops a cross from Farrier that Kovaleski converts, and the Southrons are chasing the rest of the game; 3-1 at half-time, 6-4 by the end, the Southrons looking faintly shellshocked as Leichhardt race further in front edging Serpentine 2-1, hardly convincing but still with the result. Peregrine get the first win not only of Rebecca Kelsey’s tenure but in this half of the season full-stop, edging Dartmouth 2-1. Scorers Snowpoint and Selke really are their only good players; Janik has been a crushing disappointment. Belgrave get creamed 4-1 by Brookford, Stahlburg batter Bridge 5-3 away and Mantlegrove and Armstrong share the spoils in an unlikely six-goal slugfest.

The Dockers, almost smugly, never lose control on home soil. They don’t press hard for a killer blow against Union, let the ball do the work, and don’t try and force anything. A goal arrives anyway, Kuznetsov stooping to flick a header over the top of Farrell, onto the crossbar, but Tidesson smashes home on the follow-through. Starling’s early nerves are settled when Annika Netzach slips through Asghar to lay a beautiful low cross, splitting the difference between veterans Gerber and Beath, neither getting there before Nevaeh Cathar can push on the afterburners and prod the ball past Gerber. Varina Roebling doubles their advantage, taking advantage of a sporadic start to strut her stuff with a series of shots. One goes into the sky, one shaves the crossbar, one thuds into the post and one shaves the inside on its way in; Roebling looks decidedly smug, it has to be said, but deserves to. Ragnar Targaryen pulls one back at the death, and attempting to stop a lethal second away goal in injury time, Lyre Castor takes one for the team with an unapologetic professional foul, cleaning out Targaryen with the veteran bearing down on goal late on. She’s sent off, but applauds the fans on her way out, and they applaud back; the free kick thuds into the wall, Kymeri reacts quickly to hoof it clear and Starling have made it to the semis.

There was always going to be one match to watch, one clear big ticket; yes, Starling’s 2-2 draw with the Moths was quality, but realistically it’s a scrap for 5th given undercard status. And honestly, the Moths’ wretched recent record makes that a disappointing result for the Passerines, if anything. No, eyes go to the northwest, where Treason host Sabrefell Athletic. The Rams’ chances of securing the title are receding by the hour, but realistically, they’re still a dangerous opponent for the Stags. They go hammer and tongs for the throat, and Treason seem off-balance, off-key, unsettled. Clavel has to be at his best to stop a point-blank header from Tarala, who kicks himself for even giving Clavel the chance, before Coltrane and Gere both narrowly miss the target after squeezing past their markers. Inexplicably, it’s still scoreless at half-time, and while the Stags have had their chances it still seems fair and just when Tarala forces another springing save from Clavel, who can only palm it into the path of partner in crime Xixi Ens. Ens then sets up Bryony Westerveld to spring by Va’Afaja, a heavy first touch almost butchering the chance before at the last moment jinking it to Clavel’s side and swiping the ball inelegantly into the empty net. But in the second half, the determined Stags claw their way back, a header off a corner from Svensson followed up just three minutes later when a twisting run from Lysistrata Carter gives her the space to … no, not go for only her second Premiership goal, but pull the ball back unselfishly for an unmarked Jonsson to slam home the leveller. Kaya Naumoff is sent off just five minutes later, and then it’s Athletic clawing for survival in the final fifteen minutes. Through no less than two brilliant last-ditch tackles from Sigismund, and a couple of great saves from Gautier, they manage it. A point suits neither side; Athletic are probably out of the race, as Crisisbless edge out Chenoworth Harriers with an injury-time winner from Allison Swan, and Brinemouth cruise to a 4-0 beating of Cypher. All three level on points, and the Dockers pull above the Heelers on goals scored.

The situation sharpens into focus at the bottom, as two more clubs confirm their safety with wins over midtable sides with nothing to prove. Andrea Prentice, an underrated mastermind in a workmanlike Chatswood side, orchestrates a 3-1 win over Crisisbless United without scoring herself, or even directly laying on an assist; she’s still declared POTM, as is North Sabrefell’s nuclear option, Sabine Montag, whose brace fires the Bohemians to survival. That only leaves Cypher in hypothetical danger, but realistically, do any of the idiots beneath them look likely to reach 42 points in four more games? No, none of them even score this round. for the Rovers and Cranequin City that means routine 2-0 defeats at home in winnable games; for River, a 6-0 demolition at the hands of a Vermillion side that overruns the midfield and does as they please from there. Long-suffering goalkeeper Althea Taliadoros just has her hands on her hips and a helpless expression by the end. Parrhesia split the points with Newrook after a game that’s frankly 2Div quality at times, but they need three if they’re to stay up.

1. TREASON - 88 - 50
2. BRINEMOUTH - 88 - 47
3. CRISISBLESS - 88 - 47
4. ATHLETIC - 83 - 54

20. CYPHER - 42 - -30
--
21. ROVERS - 33 - -37
22. CRANEQUIN - 32 - -41
23. RIVER - 32 - -64
24. PARRHESIA - 29 - -59
12 points left to play for.

Leichhardt fall flat in probably the most relevant ninety minutes Armstrong have spent all season; certainly, Southrons fans will be happy enough that the terminal midtable nothing side remain. And the Paladins are good value for a 1-0 win. Brogan Poppey curled a hefty blow around Adekoya 26 minutes in, thumping meatily off the inside of the post on its way in, and both Kohr and Rosenstiel came close in the second half. For the most part, though, they were happy to sit on and maintain their lead. South Laithland pull three points back, leaving it late to beat Serpentine 2-1. Stahlburg Rovers pull something from nothing to blow Chardonnay away 4-0, strikers Corona Sharpe and Dulcina Radcliffe with a brace apiece. Foreign statisticians attempt to suggest that the ‘expected goals’ of the teams evened out at around 1.3 each, and that it was essentially a matter of luck. Sharpe takes exception to this, with a loud and explosive Twii rant, a thread lasting nine messages and a lot of swearing. Belgrave clean out Hackett 5-1, Katsura running rampant, while at the bottom, Pillars are the big winners as Monika Talay puts one set piece in each half into each top corner to take down a dominant Bishop side that can’t finish. Sorry, that are ‘unlucky’.

Bizarrely, all four semifinalists are odds-on for relegation, and in Pillars’ case that isn’t even from the top flight. But they fail to match the intensity of an unusually driven Parrhesia United, their aging fullbacks destroyed by Fohler and Barota. Both wingers threaten constantly, but none of their shots across Brookhouse’s bows hit. More damaging still, they have no answer in midfield for mastermind Adele Rosborough, who sets up McEthinly and Telviir to strike the winning blows. Radu Bartok has little to do between the posts; having won his place as league goalkeeper, he’s still retained his initial brief by starting every Cup match. Cranequin City also give themselves a massive advantage, the crisp finishing of Hakan Gryspos something that River can only look at and sigh with envy. Frieda Pearce also acquits herself well with some sharp saves in the second half to keep them in the contest, but they just can’t trouble Ledo the same way at the other end.

Treason make short of a North Sabrefell side that press hard with intensity and actually score first, Simone Cheney charging down an overly casual Angel Clavel to knee the ball into the unguarded net. It doesn’t last, second-half goals from McInnes, Mastiff and Fraser securing victory. This leaves the Stags looking to Crisisbless, hosting Brinemouth. No matter what happens, the Stags’ position improves as a result. A cagey first half seems to play into Crisisbless’ hands, Maeve Bronte fighting fires with Maia Abylon seeming to be everywhere and, bless her, seemingly shooting on sight to try and break open the deadlock. She doesn’t force anything from Bull, while Desya Kuznetsov squirms free to fire a loose ball hard on target that Na’Kefir reacts brilliantly to keep out with a flying knee. Crisisbless don’t heed the warning. They need a goal, and think they have one when Marisha Staunton celebrates a rare goal, but the flag is up - she controlled Abylon’s pass with her bicep, before rifling past Bull. Brinemouth sharpen up, and prove far less careless in front of goal. Hell, Desya Kuznetsov even gets an assist! Albeit not voluntarily. When Woakes tries and fails to whirl past two men, Soederquist stabs the loose ball to Conjure, who just takes a second to size up her options and go route-one, bypassing Crisisbless’ double pivot to find the Audioslav. The ball bounces once before Kuznetsov lets loose, and again Na’Kefir lunges across to get fingertips to it! The ball spins wildly off the upright, and Na’Kefir looks back, thinking he’s done enough… until, from seemingly nowhere, Tidesson outsprints the veteran Lohengrin to smash home the rebound and triumphantly rip his shirt off, surging into the away end. Crisisbless attack ferociously in the final stages, but the desperation seems to make them careless. Laiota misses a sitter late on, and punches the post hard enough to break a finger; that just about sums up the day for the Heelers. Still. They’re just three points behind. Athletic are still further behind, and almost certainly out of the race after slumping to another 2-2 draw. Stahlburg City lead them 1-0 at half-time, Athletic think they’ve fired back with what they think should be a Sipka Tarala hat-trick, but the third is ruled offisde. Worse still, just a minute later, an awkward high ball is knocked down from Shi to Henry, who twists free of her marker and fires home the equaliser.

Cypher Town just look so, so tired. It’s well-known that Andrea Vardalos doesn’t like to rotate, but her charges are plainly exhausted as they host Cranequin City and it costs them the chance to secure their safety. Lax marking from a corner allows Satotxe to head home the first, an own goal from Foerster makes it worse and while Andrea Bereveskos’ standard moment of individual brilliance sets up Weiss to pull an undeserved goal back in the 61st minute, Madine gets sent off for a second caution just five minutes later. Hakan Gryspos finishes the job in injury time. The Chariots and Crisisbless United are the kind of midtable teams with nothing to play for that should really represent opportunity for the relegation battlers, albeit for the Chariots this represents a hugely disappointing season and for United comfortable safety. But Aries still have enough heart in them to overturn a 2-1 half-time deficit to a flaky Rovers side, perhaps enlivened by being jeered off by their own fans, youngish guns Ruskin and Strausz the catalyst for the turnaround. Parrhesia take the lead over the Chequers just three minutes in, lively leftback Zohar Vandermark looping a huge diagonal switch that evades everyone except Fohler, sprinting in at the far post to smash home from two yards. She almost misses - the ball slams into the underside of the crossbar before going in. River get cleaned out by Starling, and now lie bottom.

1. TREASON - 91 - 52
2. BRINEMOUTH - 91 - 48
3. CRISISBLESS - 88 - 46
4. ATHLETIC - 84 - 54

20. CYPHER - 42 - -32
--
21. CRANEQUIN - 35 - -39
22. ROVERS - 33 - -38
23. PARRHESIA - 32 - -58
24. RIVER - 32 - -67
9 points left to play for.

A second straight 4-1 win for Vermillion, on the back of the bloodbath against the Southrons. Fourteen goals in three games, and Istria Saara’s netted five of them. One imagines she’ll be in the Premiership next season, with or without the Wanderers… There’s little intrigue to be found, with many convincing and easy victories. Gonen’s pulverise Peregrine 3-0 if that’s even an achievement anymore, the resurgent Belgrave shove one of Pillars’ feet into the grave with a 3-0 win of their own, Leichhardt beat Alliance 2-0 without allowing them a shot on target and South Laithland keep pace by defeating Armstrong, their new favourite club, 3-0 (again), and Goodfeather smash Hackett 4-0. Bishop are on a grim winless run, and the last three matches in particular have seen them hand points over to relegation candidates. Dartmouth Terriers are the latest, but worse still for Bishop is throwing away a 1-0 margin at half-time. They fail to mark a corner, Canady gives away a penalty, Huyton misses a sitter she really should level with and a miscommunication between Reiss and Mincham lets Lorraine Paintblack steal between them and stab past the… underwhelmed Frey Strom. Mantlegrove and the Strongest rip shreds into each other, but despite conceding three, Dryads keeper Ilon Venator deserves immense credit for a couple of spectacular saves with an agility belying a 33-year old that kept Mantlegrove’s noses in front late on.

For just a while, it seems like the Saints really are going to choke it away. After a dull first half dominated in possession and territory by the hosts, one of the first events of the second sees a corner from Talay flicked on by Prosper and bundled home by an unmarked Elon Cisneros, hauling the Seekers back into the tie. Six minutes later, a sluggish pass from Symond murders a long spell of Saints pressure and, worse, is hoofed into space by Prosper. Into the space where rightback Symond isn’t, and Amine Raihani is. The Barbary winger takes it in stride, and rather than just centre for Aurtenetxe to convert the easy chance, does it the hard way, cuts viciously inside Altman and fires past Bartok’s near post. The other Bartok, Yura, is elated in the opposing dugout. It doesn’t last; Rosborough impatiently tries her luck given an inch of space from midfield and beats a stranded Brookhouse, and Zohar Vandermark pops up with a late leveller that seals the tie. Fewer thrills in Sabrefell, where a limp River don’t put up a fight against City. Disappointing, though it’s remarkable that both sides put out their best XIs, seemingly resigned to relegation or just trying to squeeze blood from stones.

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 09, 2019 6:23 am

Brinemouth return triumphantly to Arlington! The Zwangzug side fought Brinemouth to two breathless 2-2 draws in the group stages, the only points the Dockers dropped. This… does not happen the same way again. The Dockers are taking no chances, rolling out a full-strength side, presumably to get the tie over and done with, and realistically, they do. Kuznetsov’s brace sandwiches a towering header from Tidesson, who has really made this his year, and an off-balance City can’t get a foothold back in the game. Bastion host Starling, and despite a lot of high-octane running around… not a lot happens. Visser nearly scores a freakish own goal when Jan Gersten’s cross is dramatically heel-flicked into the crossbar, but that’s about all of worth.

Exhaustion at the top. Treason have a history with Newrook City, or rather, Newrook’s history includes Treason. But then, whose doesn’t? A while back, Newrook beat Treason to win the Cup and deny the Stags the double… the week after getting relegated from the Premiership. Supposedly it’s a story like that that helped attract Jezdimir Ocokoljic to the club. He’s injured today, but unfortunately for the Stags, Newrook have found in Ronan Fallon a brute willing to knit together the midfield. 0-0 the final score, a number of scrambling saves from Kaara Iarrow. Similarly, Brinemouth are worn down by Coret with an unchanged lineup to the side that beat down Arlington days back, allowing Crisisbless to claw back some ground with an easy 2-0 win over Cranequin City. This leaves the Sabrefell derby, and this… this is a grim, spiteful, bitty affair. It reflects Athletic’s rapidly falling title aspirations, the Moths’ failure to even reach the top four. Only Tawny Shone seems to be having a good time, kicking people merrily all night, but it ends scoreless, complete with Claudio Romano winning and then skying a penalty. It’s officially over for the Stags, but it’s anyone’s game.

The formality of Cypher’s survival is finally secured after a 2-2 draw against Vermillion, Coretta Rooke’s pace twice gashing their open opponents, who are congratulatory after the final whistle as the Eagles slump to the ground. Andrea Vardalos just made survival look easy, even after having to hand eleven starts to Anton Roben, or considering Goldleague flop Morgan Halfhill a marquee acquisition. In fairness, Halfhill has made massive strides since being forced into the deep end here. Well, in any case, it’s now about 21st, a position that Chenoworth Rovers consolidate with a solid 1-0 win in Chatswood, Leigh Fletcher compromising the relegation fight by resting a bunch of her exhausted best players… predictably there’s an outcry from the other relegated teams, to which Fletcher curtly replies, “Their fates were in their own hands when the season started. I won’t have them blaming us for their predicament.” And in fairness they are pretty wretched. River very nearly hold out for a point against Southfell in the rare sight of a Sabrefell downpour, but Erik Marlowe rounds a despairing, sliding Zalzaria, curls a shot beyond Taliadoros and shrugs to further damn their near neighbours. The Saints, meanwhile, clamber as close to potential safety as they’ve been since the early embers of the season; a careless Corvistone are opened up too easily by a relentless seven-man assault on all fronts, goals from Bastia Fohler (dreadful early in the season, restored to the team recently after a Teris injury and much-improved), McEthinly and Vandermark sealing a victory.

1. TREASON - 92 - 52
2. BRINEMOUTH - 92 - 48
3. CRISISBLESS - 91 - 48

21. ROVERS - 36 - -37
--
22. CRANEQUIN - 35 - -41
23. PARRHESIA - 35 - -56
24. RIVER - 32 - -68
6 points left to play for.

The picture is thinning, and the Southrons blink again; Leichhardt are tight and punish The Strongest’s errors ruthlessly, even with Ernie Stevenson’s hand bandaged up - accident with a fire pit, apparently, around the qualifying draw - while South Laithland are undone by an energetic Alliance, playing with verve. Imogen Jeweler, who has come alive with the keys to Alliance’s midfield, lays on assists for Non and Berisha, and Markus Rose makes no less than five excellent saves. And a couple routine ones, for good measure. Mantlegrove keep up the style, four wins in an unbeaten five, now blowing Stahlburg Rovers away and hauling them out of the promotion picture, and Cranequin’s dull 1-0 win over their promotion rivals, Diamondqueen, is hugely significant… and keeps Belgrave looking good, despite stumbling to a draw with Dartmouth. Hackett pick up a point against nearby Iron City, but realistically, the Merry Boys are looking for three. Bishop arrest their dramatic slide to confirm their safety with a vicious smash-and-grab win over Corvette, who are sad and terrible.

Inexorable. There has been no other word to describe the hunt for the title between Treason and Brinemouth. The Stags stay in pole position, pulverising Crisisbless United 6-0. Aristide Metzger, that laughing man, with a hat-trick. Brinemouth are more measured… extending a run to 17 games unbeaten after a 4-0 win over Chenoworth Harriers. It might be Alyss Montague’s last game for the club, but she rolls back the years with a goal and two assists as the Harriers’ soft centre caves in. And Crisisbless? Crisisbless draw 1-1 with Vermillion, their heeling instinct kicking in at long last, dealing themselves out of the title race. Athletic round out the top ten, and are safe there; Starling, following a hard-fought 1-0 win over Cypher, now have an eight-point buffer beneath Athletic and an eight-point buffer above the Moths, who at least edge out the Bohemians. Defeat for Coret potentially cracks open the top seven… except Stahlburg City fold in Newrook. The home fans there aren’t exactly delighted to do their rivals a solid, there. Stahlburg can technically make seventh still, but they’re looking at something like a 24-0 win to do so.

Coret’s downfall came at home, at the hands of a driven and bitterly determined Cranequin City who held firm for eighty minutes and punched back twice late on, through Gemmill and Skiff, late on; Gyenis hit the crossbar with the last kick of the game, underlining that this was no fluke. Unfortunately, it’s the same three points as those rather less impressively won, Chenoworth Rovers just outlasting Parrhesia. Anders Rowett’s goal was peppered with shots all game, but he was rarely seriously tested; Radu Bartok had little to do, but was helpless to act when Rowell’s cross found the diving header of Meisler at the far post. The former Athletic forward slammed shoulder-first into the post, and crumpled into a heap. Patton replaced her, but she’ll be fit for the finale, with the Rovers in the driving seat. The Saints fought back valiantly and even had a creditable penalty shout from Bastia Fohler turned down near the death, which had the normally amiable Kaj Aurora throwing a clipboard at the fourth referee’s head (she escaped punishment by claiming it was an accident); it’s no use. They lose 1-0, and finally slip out of the league. So, too, do River, spirited but ultimately fatally limited in a 2-1 defeat to Athletic, brash young striker Gjasula celebrating her late consolation with rather too much enthusiasm given the circumstances.

There’s many exciting possibilities for a title race should results go a certain way, and the Southrons do their part with a cruisy 3-0 win over the Strongest. In Leichhardt, however, the match swings; Dulcina Radcliffe opens the scoring for Stahlburg Rovers, and the Southrons can hope. Ernie Stevenson clips a backheeled flick over Bolander where a simple sidefoot would do, and then gets bundled over for a penalty… which Hartmuth beats away. Leichhardt do claim the lead off a corner, somehow nobody minding Mahe Beitar, before veteran Mariska Woodspur fires home low from distance to make it 3-1. Lance Diebeck strikes back from a set piece, and Sharpe and Morgan come close, but… the final whistle blows, and Leichhardt have won the league! Nobody could say they didn’t deserve it. Cranequin Wanderers are secure in third and defeat today to Mantlegrove (in their red-hot form) doesn’t damage them, while Belgrave batter Corvette 4-1 to stay in the playoff place, with Vermillion beating Armstrong 2-0 to stay in hot pursuit.

Alliance’s slim chances of relegation are extinguished despite defeat to a Serpentine side in a tailspin, a spectacular 4-3 scoreline followed by a party atmosphere at both ends, grateful enough to have survived. There’s a late surge beneath them, and after Dartmouth’s come-from-behind 3-2 triumph over Goodfeather and Pillars grind out a scoreless draw against Iron, there’s now three sides locked on 45 points. Hypothetically, Hackett could join them… but an injury-time heartbreaker from hit-and-miss Otters winger Granit Nizarut ensured that Hackett are three points adrift and… and too many goals away. Peregrine, dumpstered 5-1 by Diamondqueen, will not be missed. Nobody expected them to be good, but this bad?

Arlington do their best, but again just can’t replicate their earlier resilience as a Dockers side in a terrifying rhythm swat their opponents aside, even with extensive rotation made. They get a little more help from the flaky Arlington goalkeeper, Fahrenthold, a hero of the groups but a liability here. Bastion’s defensive midfielder, a certain Monica Rowland, gets a… an… let’s say an enthusiastic welcome in Starling. Someone throws a pumpkin at her, which ultimately explodes a couple of metres away from her and has to be rushed off by ball boys. The Passerines shade the cagey affair but never look comfortable, a grass-cutter from Liam Armstrong diverted with a clever little dink from Nevaeh Cathar, leaving acrobatic but callow Matthew Tyler springing helplessly the wrong direction. Twice, Avelione gets the opportunity to redress the balance, one-on-one with Smordal… twice, the Vanorian goalkeeper holds firm to deny what would be the fatal away goal. And with that… yes, that is an all-Nepharim final in the DIT!

Holy shit. At the halfway mark of the season, West Brinemouth were unbeaten and held a nineteen-point lead over AFC Rochford in fifth. Eleven games later, the Owls were second, the gap twelve. And now, as the Gulls flounder to a 1-0 defeat, hard-earned by Coret Rovers and swinging on Haroun Maynard’s header and a string of saves from former Cypher goalkeeper Fallowland, the gap is one. One point in Rochford’s favour. Yes, with one game left the Owls are in the driving seat, as most people predicted before the start of the season but nobody thought like this. Rochford even beat West Brinemouth 2-0 in their own backyard, Minka Forrest with a brace to underline her immense value to the side. In third, Crisisbless Athletic lose their grip against Barossia United, Qatintiki getting sent off and Young swiping a killer owl goal to let go of a 3-0 half-time lead into a 3-3 disaster… but they are still third. Free-scoring Locksley are in fourth, two points behind and two in front of Corinthians No Longer. Riverkey slip out of contention with a 1-1 draw, but there’s an honourable mention to Extreme Hills’ run of form, unbeaten in six and on three straight wins; one 8-1 over a hapless Brokenarch, followed up with a win over Rochford that’s impressive regardless of scoreline.

Like in the Premiership, the bottom four are a safe buffer away from the safely mediocre teams. AFC Shale have recovered under their new management, with Lazuli and Southriver cresting the fifty-point mark and Boltcroft safe as well, for all their wild inconsistency. With seven points from their last four, Ballardine have scrambled their way to the playoff place, overtaking a Kommissar side who have one win from twelve. Janus Morraine remains in the job, saved by the fact that the side never really look wretched… they just draw a lot, including one against Rochford. Brokenarch are doomed by their goal difference - the 8-1 didn’t exactly help, but it wouldn’t have made all that much difference, such was their penchant for getting battered and not scoring goals. And Sheridan have just one win from their past 15, and were beaten by Brokenarch right after the 8-1. Suffice to say they ran out of steam after an early start.

Star Players: Rochford haven’t really had a star player... with a single exception. Minka Forrest is undoubtedly the best midfielder in the league this season, probably best player full-stop, her stocky, futsal-looking build belying a balletic grace in possession and wondrous eye for a pass. For Locksley, Marika Kreisburg just keeps scoring, but it’s not like the 34-year old striker creates all her own chances. Stonegrave goalkeeper Jove de Lisle has made a series of stunning saves of late, even when the solid defence in front of him fails, and in his last season before retirement has had maybe his best. Aries Solitaire have endured a horribly disappointing season despite their promise, but Jess Seselja has, at least, excelled, celebrating her 21st birthday a while back with a consolation goal against West Brinemouth… her sixth of the season, from leftback. Ballardine’s late resurgence, meanwhile, has owed much to Melody Forster. A canny 25-year old poacher who plays like a 35-year old, but has pace on her side; all she has is a nose for goal, and that’s all she needs at this level, no? Pity nobody else can score for the Harpers...

Managerial Changes: Ritter Town parted ways with Peter Alabaster after back-to-back 1-0 defeats to Ballardine and Riverkey, signing up Pernille Raphael, beating East Laithland Harriers into shape at the time.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason              45  27  14   4   91   33  +58  95
  2 Brinemouth               45  29   8   8   93   41  +52  95
  3 Crisisbless              45  28   8   9   84   36  +48  92
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       45  25  13   7  105   51  +54  88
  5 Starling                 45  23  11  11   83   51  +32  80
  6 Sabrefell Moths          45  20  12  13   83   52  +31  72
  7 Coret Hawks              45  21   7  17   89   59  +30  70
  8 Stahlburg City           45  17  16  12   53   48   +5  67
  9 Vermillion Rage          45  17  14  14   81   65  +16  65
 10 Southfell United         45  16  15  14   68   72   -4  63
 11 AFC Corvistone           45  17  11  17   65   62   +3  62
 12 Aries Chariots           45  16  14  15   68   73   -5  62
 13 Newrook City             45  15  16  14   56   53   +3  61
 14 Crisisbless United       45  18   7  20   52   85  -33  61
 15 North Laithland          45  16  11  18   78   83   -5  59
 16 Creed United             45  16  10  19   59   68   -9  58
 17 Chenoworth Harriers      45  13  15  17   54   69  -15  54
 18 Chatswood                45  13   9  23   45   58  -13  48
 19 North Sabrefell          45  11  13  21   52   67  -15  46
 20 Cypher Town              45  12   7  26   41   73  -32  43
 21 Chenoworth Rovers        45  10   9  26   53   89  -36  39
 22 Cranequin City           45   9  11  25   36   75  -39  38
 23 Parrhesia United         45   8  11  26   38   95  -57  35
 24 Raven River              45   8   8  29   37  106  -69  32

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Leichhardt                45  31   7   7   77   39  +38 100
  2 South Laithland           45  31   3  11  102   57  +45  96
  3 Cranequin Wanderers       45  23   9  13   62   48  +14  78
  4 Belgrave                  45  21  11  13   98   62  +36  74
  5 Vermillion Wanderers      45  22   7  16   75   59  +16  73
  6 Brookford Otters          45  19  13  13   76   58  +18  70
  7 Mantlegrove               45  19  12  14   56   44  +12  69
  8 Diamondqueen              45  20   8  17   77   55  +22  68
  9 Stahlburg Rovers          45  19  10  16   74   66   +8  67
 10 Armstrong                 45  18  11  16   57   51   +6  65
 11 Morningstar               45  18  11  16   51   56   -5  65
 12 Goodfeather FC            45  18  10  17   65   55  +10  64
 13 AFC Serpentine            45  17  13  15   66   62   +4  64
 14 Iron City                 45  15  17  13   43   39   +4  62
 15 Chardonnay Rangers        45  16  14  15   63   63   +0  62
 16 Corvette Maulers          45  18   5  22   59   68   -9  59
 17 Bishop                    45  13  15  17   51   65  -14  54
 18 Gonen's Bridge            45  13  14  18   60   71  -11  53
 19 Alliance Barossia         45  15   4  26   49   72  -23  49
 20 The Strongest             45  11  12  22   62   83  -21  45
 21 Dartmouth Terriers        45  12   9  24   41   66  -25  45
 22 Pillars of Southfell      45  11  12  22   33   61  -28  45
 23 Hackett                   45  11   9  25   50   88  -38  42
 24 Peregrine                 45   6  10  29   47  106  -59  28

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Rochford               45  28  10   7  72  33  +39  94
  2 West Brinemouth            45  27  12   6  76  35  +41  93
  3 Crisisbless Athletic       45  23  12  10  75  45  +30  81
  4 Locksley                   45  23  10  12  85  52  +33  79
  5 Corinthians No Longer      45  22  11  12  77  65  +12  77
  6 Riverkey                   45  22   9  14  51  40  +11  75
  7 Extreme Hills              45  20  11  14  69  65   +4  71
  8 Stonegrave                 45  18  16  11  46  35  +11  70
  9 Barossia United            45  16  16  13  47  45   +2  64
 10 Greygate                   45  16  15  14  45  41   +4  63
 11 Coret Rovers               45  17  11  17  64  60   +4  62
 12 Aries Solitaire            45  16  13  16  61  51  +10  61
 13 Falston United             45  16  13  16  46  43   +3  61
 14 Gosmouth Swans             45  16  10  19  63  75  -12  58
 15 Ritter Town                45  14  13  18  49  58   -9  55
 16 The Hanged Man             45  11  19  15  43  46   -3  52
 17 AFC Shale                  45  13  13  19  34  42   -8  52
 18 Lazuli Diamonds            45  12  15  18  53  68  -15  51
 19 Southriver                 45  14   9  22  46  70  -24  51
 20 Boltcroft Thorns           45  12  13  20  64  78  -14  49
 21 Ballardine FC              45  11   8  26  49  76  -27  41
 22 Kommissar                  45   8  16  21  47  69  -22  40
 23 Brokenarch                 45   9  11  25  36  74  -38  38
 24 Sheridan                   45   7  12  26  26  58  -32  33

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Martella Jazz                45  31   8   6  86  37  +49  101
  2 Autumnstone                  45  26  15   4  95  45  +50   93
  3 Crossroads Town              45  28   6  11  95  47  +48   90
  4 Kensey Town                  45  24  10  11  74  52  +22   82
  5 Mapleford                    45  21  11  13  75  44  +31   74
  6 Brindleton                   45  20  14  11  65  59   +6   74
  7 South Parrhesia              45  20  13  12  66  52  +14   73
  8 Rochford Pilgrims            45  21   8  16  75  52  +23   71
  9 Strephonage                  45  19  13  13  62  48  +14   70
 10 Iron United                  45  19  10  16  58  55   +3   67
 11 East Laithland Harriers      45  17  14  14  73  64   +9   65
 12 Hartford Glade               45  18   9  18  66  65   +1   63
 13 Ox River United              45  15  16  14  47  47   +0   61
 14 Caldwick Strand              45  15  12  18  54  61   -7   57
 15 Sutcroft                     45  15   7  23  55  85  -30   52
 16 Ingram Township              45  11  18  16  33  44  -11   51
 17 West Hook                    45  12  14  19  39  46   -7   50
 18 Riverkey Shells              45  13   9  23  55  71  -16   48
 19 Downsparrow                  45  12  12  21  41  79  -38   48
 20 Fully Sick XI                45  11  12  22  57  75  -18   45
 21 Long Lake                    45  10  13  22  33  54  -21   43
 22 Sutcroft Athletic            45   8  14  23  48  82  -34   38
 23 Falston Town                 45  10   6  29  40  88  -48   36
 24 Sirencall FC                 45   7  10  28  48  88  -40   31

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 16, 2019 3:50 am

THIRD DIVISION FINALE
There’s little left to decide in the third tier. Martella have already secured the title comfortably, and a draw with East Laithland does nothing to change that; Autumnstone and Crossroads can potentially switch places, but don’t, and Kensey rest a number of key players in preparation for the promotion playoff they’re already destined for. They still beat Caldwick Strand 4-1 away. Long Lake need to win for a chance at salvation, hosting bottom side Sirencall… and an injury-time equaliser sinks them as they search to pad their goal difference, as the Fully Sick XI’s apathetic scoreless draw meant they were level on 46 points with a Lake win but held a slender advantage on goal difference, and scored. Falston Town are among those relegated, but they also blink out of existence entirely. Now that Ceynes has its own league, and three other professional sides in Falston, there just isn’t a reason for old Town to exist any more, sadly. A familiar old name in Rushe United are one of the teams to replace them in 3Div, with Crownsend Journey, Cranequin Souths and Brunyard FC the others.

SECOND DIVISION FINALE
Reflect that Rochford have clawed back a nineteen-point deficit from the midway mark of the season. They are irresistable force and immovable object. That said, they have to beat Locksley to seal the deal, West Brinemouth facing the easier opposition of a disappointing Barossia United. The Gulls take an early lead, Hera Poxay driving into a pocket with verve belying her age, twisting clear of Teamster and sliding across for a sliding Geist to skid home at the far post. This puts Rochford under severe pressure to beat a Locksley side that can beat anyone on their day… and need to. CNL can overtake them by beating doomed little Brokenarch… and they’re destined to lose 3-1, inexplicably, but Locksley don’t know that. Not yet. So Rochford are cautious and reluctant to overextend, though they do now need a victory. Also in need of victory are Kommissar, who get a great shot at their direct rivals, Ballardine. One side of them will get a second chance in the playoff, but Ballardine only need a point - and their bid gets helped when Forster slides home an elegant strike from an acute angle, and Broadhead should have had it covered. Kommissar strike back through Micah Horner’s towering header after a bombing run from midfield, but Curate strikes back to sink them and save the Harpers. Well, give them a chance, anyway. And Rochford, for their part, their players staring at the trophy on the sideline… they leave it late, and nervous. Twice, Georgia Petrie stands tall to keep the clean sheet. And just once, Locksley’s marking slackens … and that lets Traudl Mrdja let fly. Iselin leaps aside and flicks the ball away, into the ground. Where Wynona Rampart is following up, and thumps home, and secures the title for the Owls. The comeback was, in fact, on.

FIRST DIVISION FINALE
The picture is straightforward enough at the top. The title race is secured, so now it’s about if Belgrave can hold off Vermillion Wanderers, with essentially a point and a half of difference. Belgrave visit secure Gonen’s Bridge, Vermillion go to dead men walking Hackett. Both are favourites to win. At the bottom, three clubs locked on 45 points have 1.5 safe places to fight over; the Strongest are best-off and host Serpentine, Dartmouth host Iron City and Pillars host Brookford. They’ll probably stay in that order if all get the same result, but a large enough swing to shake that off isn’t inconveivable.

The Strongest immediately drop away from the rest, just eighty seconds in. They aren’t exactly the hardest markers. Alyssa Greening seems almost stunned at the space she has to bury her chance. Before anyone else of relevance manages to score, the Strongest pull one back, Natasa Rotival rushing forward from leftback to finish an extensive passing move. And before anyone else manages to score, Serpentine… are back ahead, a header from Langbauer; through Stijnen, they’re 3-1 up by the half. By then, Saara and Sebring have traded blows and Hackett have just about held it together, despite being under the pump, while a nervy affair at the Bridge remains scoreless. With a slick injury-time passing move converted by Aurtenetxe, Pillars lead Brookford, and thus the pack at the bottom.

But that doesn’t last long; minute 45+2 and minute 47 might be the same on the clock, in a weird way, but it says something about the half-time. The Otters pull one back through Mithradates, then another through the muscular striker; Pillars are suddenly clinging for life, Casserley loses his grip and gets sent off, and a late killer blow from Bairstow cuts Pillars adrift. The Strongest and Serpentine have continued to have fun; 2-3, then 2-5. So the Terriers already look to be yawning their way to victory… and yet, they get a goal anyway, Mersiades swinging in a corner and hulking Rainer Macellan crashing through the massed ranks of disinterested Iron to head home the only goal of the game. The Terriers survive! The Strongest, well, they’ll get a second chance. But an overmatched Pillars side won’t be so fortunate. And at the top? Belgrave suffer a hammer-blow, a header from Esmond Moore. Then another in quick succession, struck on the counter as they search for a goal, and while they get one from Aura Keynes it’s only one. Fans are left hugging each other in the stands, frantically checking the results from Stahlburg. Vermillion’s press is relentless, the pressure on Kewell’s goal intolerable. Surely - surely! - the breakthrough must be coming. And yet...

PREMIERSHIP MINUTE-BY-MINUTE COVERAGE by MALTE LINHARDT
Title Race
Brinemouth (4-2-3-1) 1 - Bull; 2 - Spencer, 6 - Magnozzi, 5 - Windtide, 3 - Close; 21 - Soederquist (c), 10 - Conjure; 7 - Tidesson, 8 - Kesteren, 13 - Deventer; 4 - Kuznetsov
Aries Chariots (4-3-3) 20 - Briggs; 19 - Ashcroft, 5 - Tarrasch, 4 - Na’Duha, 14 - Law; 21 - Strausz, 6 - Rzazade, 11 - Riske (c); 12 - Lazarou, 15 - Sierra, 10 - Ruskin
Unsurprisingly, Brinemouth are going all-out. They have pretty much a clean bill of health, and host mediocre opposition with nothing to play for. Realistically, they need to better Treason’s result. If they annihilate the Chariots and Treason only edge the Crows, they could potentially overtake them. They’re six goal difference behind, but lead on goals scored.

AFC Treason (4-4-2) 1 - Clavel; 19 - Stride, 5 - Svensson (c), 13 - Lockheed, 3 - Va’Afaja; 11 - Neptune, 4 - Rauch, 10 - Jonsson, 16 - McInnes; 21 - Metzger, 22 - Fletcher
AFC Corvistone (4-3-3) 12 - Kovacic; 2 - Muhren, 22 - Green, 4 - Brosch, 36 - Almwood; 13 - Yonen, 8 - Eriksen, 11 - Morham (c); 15 - Ulreich, 21 - Warrington, 10 - Beretti
Still, a win for Treason secures them the eighth title, and that seems likely hosting another midtable underachiever. The Stags are missing Accardi and Vornander through injury, but otherwise maintain full strength; Corvistone are missing Wynder and Heston from a depleted defence.

Battle for the Playoff
Cranequin City (4-3-1-2) 12 - Kezman; 2 - Rashica, 5 - Satotxe, 6 - Kreis, 3 - Strasbourg; 15 - Tsolakis, 18 - Lechleiter (c), 8 - Skiff; 7 - Addison; 10 - Kolar, 16 - Gryspos
Chenoworth Harriers (4-2-3-1) 1 - Cameron; 2 - Greene, 31 - Demetriou, 6 - Braylock, 18 - Kite; 12 - Kutris (c), 21 - Charisteas; 23 - Coleman, 34 - Croll, 14 - Shearer; 17 - Wright
Using slightly insane logic, Bruno Kezman starts between the posts for Cranequin City; as Dan Keel reasoned, he went all the way in the Cup and did well but will be dropped for the Final, and deserves a Premiership appearance to remember. Still, with survival on the line… ? Gemmill is also injured, but will return for the final. The Harriers… the Harriers are not making much effort to stop the Rovers from getting relegated. This is a popular squad selection locally. It’s captain Kutris’ last match, though, so look out for him in defensive midfield.

Creed United (4-4-2) 20 - Senninger; 17 - Kolaj, 19 - Rodrigues (c), 4 - Brehanu, 18 - Seip; 7 - Conway, 21 - Barbarouses, 15 - Beckner, 23 - Conrad; 16 - Taani, 13 - Trabelsi
Chenoworth Rovers (4-4-2) 20 - Rowett; 13 - Fife, 19 - Ibex, 6 - Capradossi (c), 22 - Laslow; 37 - Koerner, 8 - Horvath, 10 - Paterson, 12 - Rowell; 11 - Meisler, 17 - Murray
Outcry from the Rovers, then, at the Harriers’ blatant attempts to get them killed. They, looking rather different to how they started the season, will be safe with a win. They’re a point ahead; if they lose and City draw against the Harriers’ U23s, they will need to avoid losing by four. The Oathmen haven’t exactly been prolific this season, and their defence, thanks to an injury to Orient, weighs in at the ages of 22, 32, 35 and 33. So, vulnerable to Meisler and Murray’s pace.

Dead Rubbers
Vermillion Rage (4-3-3) 1 - Ramelow (c); 17 - Salek, 18 - Anderson, 19 - Skondreas, 40 - Maurer; 8 - Konse, 4 - Hooper, 21 - Eduardo; 15 - Hart, 9 - Heward, 23 - Porter
Coret Hawks (4-4-2) 1 - Lockwood; 2 - Hamilton, 18 - Koller, 6 - Pollard, 3 - Burns; 7 - Skapetis, 8 - Kasmiir, 14 - Stand, 16 - Caracole; 22 - Jewell, 15 - Stavanger
Both sides have had quietly good seasons, and for Coret that means… well, in theory it should mean a third consecutive Globe Cup qualification. It’ll count this time, though. Due to a smattering of defensive injuries, 18-year old Ari Maurer makes his third appearance at leftback for Rage.

Stahlburg City (4-4-2) 1 - Prant-Telew; 5 - Mifsud (c), 22 - Orsay, 25 - Cooke, 3 - Markkanen; 13 - Lane, 4 - Brujah, 10 - Henry, 16 - Tschauner; 11 - Shi, 42 - Strephon
Crisisbless United (4-2-3-1) 25 - Lazareva; 2 - Bruun, 5 - Verlander, 19 - Stokes (c), 18 - Sanders; 8 - Garner, 35 - Marshall; 10 - Tamba, 13 - Antelmi, 15 - Ronayne; 21 - Lennox
Mathematically, Stahlburg City can still reach seventh. But Douglas Tibet isn’t going all-in on a 24-0 win here. Viviana Strephon is set to debut, as Tibet won’t let a rash of injuries up front stop him experimenting with two up front. Crisisbless United have also overachieved, despite a similar minor injury crisis, and one of these two managers is likely to get the award of the season.

Southfell United (4-4-2) 1 - Aldous; 17 - Bowyer, 5 - Grant (c), 6 - Ellis, 3 - Evans; 36 - Forestier, 8 - Hemeyer, 23 - Nagy, 16 - Anselm; 9 - Marlowe, 10 - Gundersen
Cypher Town (4-2-3-1) 1 - Ruo; 19 - Skapoulis, 13 - Foerster, 6 - Brind, 3 - Anderton (c); 8 - Madine, 11 - Weiss; 22 - Bereveskos, 10 - McCosgraigh, 23 - Vanstrattan; 17 - Rooke
Southfell have done well this season, as have Cypher just to stay up. But both are still bringing out their strongest possible lineups given injuries, with Cypher particularly stretched at the moment. They’ve looked more like a 4-2-3-1 than a 4-1-4-1 recently, giving aging wingers Bereveskos and Vanstrattan less duty to track back; injuries to both first-choice fullbacks hasn’t helped.

Sabrefell Moths (4-4-2) 1 - Griffin; 2 - Haines, 18 - Jabelon, 19 - Tipton, 22 - Vicelich; 7 - Townsend, 26 - Reach, 4 - Serra, 36 - Cashin; 14 - Vol (c), 24 - Beyard
Newrook City (4-3-1-2) 1 - Iarrow; 18 - Pakkanen, 22 - Reinhardt, 6 - Zagorec (c), 3 - Kohler; 12 - Brandtner, 23 - Fallon, 13 - Couturiaux; 8 - Voeller; 21 - Ocokoljic, 11 - Nygard
Both sides have endured poor seasons, but at least for the Moths they have sixth place. And the salve of being, very possibly, the final champions of UICA history. Newrook have rather less going for them, and with Andreu Bartolnicci having fallen out with a couple of squad members (and countless referees), they might be looking for a replacement come the end of the season.

Sabrefell Athletic (4-4-2) 1 - Gautier; 2 - Fox, 5 - Broad, 13 - Sigismund, 3 - Lucas; 23 - Westerveld, 15 - Coltrane (c), 8 - Dominique, 10 - Gere; 7 - Tarala, 16 - Caszely
North Laithland (4-3-3) 12 - Krieven; 23 - Schaefer, 5 - Black, 6 - Jaan, 3 - Posipal; 21 - Beltrame, 4 - Reeve, 25 - Croxteth (c); 34 - Brown, 7 - Roberts, 11 - Han
Athletic’s title challenge tailed off in recent months, and a recent injury to Xixi Ens hasn’t helped. Alyssa Broad will get, remarkably, just her second league start of the season, with Athletic’s defence having been remarkably consistent over the year. The Spiders have done roughly as well as expected, with Matej Beltrame continuing to keep captain Robyn Sabitzer out of the team.

Raven River (4-3-1-2) 1 - Taliadoros; 2 - Villaverde, 18 - Beasley, 19 - Lampshire, 12 - Killanen; 21 - Leonard (c), 13 - Zalzaria, 23 - de Vries; 8 - Crowe; 10 - Beridze, 32 - Gjasula
North Sabrefell (3-5-2) 1 - Daunten; 6 - Clinton, 13 - Armbruster, 22 - Polacek; 2 - Petrovic, 11 - Maersk, 14 - Kastriot, 4 - Madine, 3 - Karagounis; 15 - Kranevitter (c), 9 - Cheney
The Bohemians have been shunted horribly into a 3-5-2, but they are alive and River are not. Eoin Killanen is giving a last rodeo to his sister and brother-in-law. There’s nothing at stake. Hell, realistically, River can’t even escape bottom place.

Someone Is Trying To Throw This
Parrhesia United (4-3-3) 30 - Austen; 2 - Reyson, 5 - Altman (c), 18 - George, 3 - Mezo-Rosa; 4 - Kotsonis, 41 - Miller, 8 - Mueller; 7 - Teris, 9 - Reus, 45 - Swann
Chatswood (4-4-2) 12 - Williams; 22 - Antosch, 5 - Rashkin (c), 20 - Bishop, 3 - Karling; 32 - Volz, 15 - Bischoff, 21 - Prentice, 11 - Caulker; 10 - Henderson, 14 - Guilder
The Saints have rotated out pretty much everyone they expect to start the Cup final. It’s a first league appearance for Veluca Austen, Nikola Swann and Annika Miller. As Chatswood aren’t fielding a reserve side, they should walk this.

Starling (4-3-1-2) 1 - Smørdal; 17 - Hoscutt, 5 - Berg (c), 6 - Loredan, 19 - Paterson; 13 - Padilla, 14 - Garai, 15 - Roebling; 22 - Netzach; 7 - Dostalok, 10 - Corvalan
Crisisbless (4-2-3-1) 1 - Na’Kefir (c); 2 - Longship, 13 - Teffeteller, 22 - Parrish, 16 - Strassman; 15 - Abylon, 21 - Luhukay; 7 - Quintero, 8 - Woakes, 23 - Danning; 9 - Marinkovic
Starling have the DIT final in a week, but Lisa Amos is wary, pre-match, of losing too much momentum. She rests only the weariest legs, though Visser’s out through suspension anyway. Crisisbless have a nominal shot at the title, but their apathy is reflected by resting a couple exhausted players and giving a rare start to homegrown striker and U21 international Danica Marinkovic.

KICK-OFF!
1 mins - Already, a Twii bombardment towards Chenoworth Harriers’ account. And an unfortunate Sarah Charrier, who goes by @charriers. The Rovers fans have spotted the red side’s squad selection and they are unimpressed.

2 mins - As usual, our primary focus is on the key fixtures, but we’ll report goals (and particularly noteworthy moments) from other games as they go in.

3 mins - Feel free as well to email in with your questions, trivia, clarifications, philosophical quandaries, whatever.

4 mins - I’m not stalling until something happens. You’re stalling until something happens.

5 mins - GOAL! SFU 1-0 CYT. Finally! It’s been a quiet opening stage on these twelve monitors, here in my poorly-lit room. Does the official NFA site care about the health and stress of its drudges? No, you have your answer. Anyway, a poor pass from Foerster is cut out as Amalie Gundersen sprints onto it, finds the run of Forestier into the box and the Equestrian does the rest.

6 mins - Treason have looked decidedly the better side against Corvistone thus far, but lack that final touch. Kovacic is yet to be tested. Clavel has, nominally, Morham trying her luck just now from out. Way out.

7 mins - No less than seven of you fucking ingrates have just sent me the trolley problem. Variations in wording of: “Five guys are tied to a train track on one path, and one to another. The train is going to kill five people, but you can switch the tracks to kill one person. Do you do it, and live with that decision?” You’ll have to do better than THAT. I pull.

8 mins - GOAL! VRR 0-1 COH.Rasmus Caracole has had a brilliant breakthrough season thus far from the left wing, and must surely be in the Cormorants running sooner rather than later. All he does here is break past Melosa Salek and float in a high cross, Dragan Stavanger knocks down, Kasmeer Jewell reacts quickly to skid home.

9 mins - Brinemouth, by contrast to Treason, haven’t quite settled. The Chariots are dominating midfield as things stand. Leila Rzazade has been crowded out physically by Brinemouth’s muscular midfield,

10 mins - Mara Cornell from Lindmark does better than that. It’s still a variation of the trolley problem, but it’s my favourite one. “The train is going to kill five people. You don’t have a lever, you’re standing on the bridge over the top, but there’s this woman I know from my old workplace, Pernille, who is extraordinarily fat to the point where if you threw her onto the tracks, it would stop the train and save the five people.” I would shove Pernille. The needs of the many, etc.

11 mins - GOAL! STC 1-0 CRU. Stahlburg City have pretty much kept their heel on Crisisbless United’s throat. Aurelie Henry’s had a free reign in midfield, and that’s dangerous; she slides past Tom Garner, who slips in pursuit, before skimming a diagonal ball past everyone to find the blazing run of Neimi Tschauner. The callow winger just hits and hopes, and strikes the ball cleanly into the stanchion.

12 mins - Sagittarius Wright almost puts the Harriers in front against City! Soren Coleman takes on Monika Strasbourg, seemingly backed into a corner but manages to nutmeg her; Strasbourg’s hands are on his shirt before he can get past, but overlapping fullback Greene races onto the end and hooks in a cross, to which Wright steams ahead of City’s sluggish defenders and heads low towards the corner, Kezman has to fly to claw the ball away! The away fans cheer, Wright drinks it in. The away fans start chanting Kezman’s name. Wright is unamused.

13 mins - Treason’s first serious chance! Lorelei Neptune, deployed out on the right due to an injury to Raquel Accardi, hurdles a challenge from Lucy Almwood. Her run takes her wide, she goes for goal, but drives the shot against the outside of the near post. Kovacic had it covered, anyway.

14 mins - GOAL! CRD 1-0 CHR. Oh! A palpable event! But really, it would help if the Rovers had a defensive shape and didn’t just lunge into tackles that Retta Conrad evades with ease before rattling a shot past Anders Rowett at close range. Rowett sarcastically applauds his defence after the fact. He’s a good goalkeeper who has done well since winning his place, but he’s kind of a prick.

15 mins - Pernille Carpenter from Lindmark has mailed in to-- oh dear. Has emailed in to say that “That bitch Mara’s just imprinting on me from her tubby hag of a wife. Maybe she was traumatised at work because she couldn’t handle simple things like ‘counting past ten’. I would throw them both in front of a train to save five people.”

16 mins - The Rovers should pull back level, but God hates them! Grey Meisler skids past Seip and Brehanu, should go for it herself, but instead pulls back for Misha Paterson who rifles the ball against the crossbar. The rebound gets to Nya Murray, who chests it down and rushes a shot at goal that deflects off Rodrigues’ thigh and onto the outside of the post, and out! The corner, by contrast, floats off for a throw-in at the other end.

17 mins - GOAL! SFA 1-0 NLA. The Spiders, sluggish and disorganised, should have cut out this chance before it started. There were a million opportunities to take the ball off left-of-centre schemers Gere, Lucas and Coltrane in and around the edges of the box before Lucas, unmarked, slides through a ball to danger man Tarala. His shot is uncharacteristically too close to Krieven, who palms it aside with spectacular force… but Salavat Caszely thumps home the loose ball at the far post anyway.

18 mins - Already a shout for a red card in Brinemouth… when Stig Soederquist blindsides Lorena Strausz with a late challenge, honestly one that might be said could have been on time when Soederquist was a younger man, it’s like shooting Bambi and hanging a trophy on the wall, especially as Strausz stays down for some time. The decision is a caution. It’s probably the right one.

19 mins - GOAL! SFA 2-0 NLA. Game over already. The Spiders do a great imitation of being shell-shocked, and nobody acts when Westerveld releases Fox to hammer in a cross. Tarala has only to glance it in, with Jaan three metres off where he ought to stand.

20 mins - How are the Harriers reserves on top of Cranequin City? Okay, so the Terracotta Army are still handing minutes to Harriet Skiff, and if Skiff is the answer, what exactly is the question? But an inelegant but crucial save from Kezman’s thigh stops Wright from putting the Harriers ahead. Alfonse Cameron hasn’t been tested, which is a pity because the 21-year old debutant is presumably there to be tested.

21 mins - GOAL! SFU 2-0 CYT. This game literally does not matter, and Cypher’s defence absolutely seems to know it. Meghan Foerster is a bright prospect for the Eagles who has done well this season, but yet again she has a clearance rushed down by Erik Marlowe, hardly a pace merchant, straight into his knee. Ruo has to stretch to claw the ball down and away, but the foot-race between Gundersen and Brind is only ever gonna have one winner.

22 mins - Gareth Steiner offers the following from Brinemouth; “Does it change anything if either the one or the five are Brenecians?” If the one is Brenecian, I pull the lever with slightly more nationalistic venom. If the five are Brenecian, I pull the lever with slightly more regret. But the decision is unchanged. Also, my pre-emptive congratulations / commisserations on how things unfold tonight.

23 mins - Mara from Lindmark has sent in pictures of Pernille from her old workplace. I still don’t think she could stop a train.

24 mins - City put a shot on target! Their three strikers aren’t that inspiring; Gryspos can finish, Gemmill can run and Kolar can fight, and Gemmill remains on the bench for now. Unfortunately, when Louise Tsolakis hooks a clever little chip over the defence, it falls to Kolar, who chests it down clumsily straight into Cameron’s hands. And then runs into him. They’re both still down, so this may take a while.

25 mins - GOAL! STA 1-0 CRI. Early lead for Starling U23s, Mateo Padilla making an increasingly rare showing of why they shelled out 13 million for him ages ago. It’s his industry that slides in to wrest possession off Farina Luhukay; it’s his vision, when Roebling passes back to him, that slides a perfect ball for Cylia Hoscutt to race clear onto; it’s his finishing touch, when the cross gets stuck under Teffeteller’s heel and sees Marinkovic and Strassman practically slam into each other digging the ball out, that finds the bottom corner past Na’Kefir.

26 mins - The Dockers almost get caught playing it out from the back, absolutely refusing to just hoof it long, but the Chariots have swarmed their third and there just isn’t a man free. Ryan Bull throws his hands in the air in frustration and hoofs it long towards Tidesson. Manager Gareth Blackthorn can be clearly overheard swearing on the touchline.

27 mins - GOAL! VRR 1-1 COH. Erinys Hart for the Cormorants, anyway? No? Well, maybe not, but one can’t deny that she’s impressed this season for a desperation signing. With a Rage attack and Coret defence clustered on the left wing, Maurer delegates to Jarobi Konse, who actually !!looks up!! and flicks the ball over to where Hart has sidled free. One touch to kill it, one to strike it past Lockwood, shades of offside but nothing concrete.

28 mins - Corvistone are ahead! But as you know because this didn’t start with GOAL! T-- etc., it doesn’t count! That isn’t stopping ‘The’ Baba Warrington from celebrating, though. Morham slides him in smoothly with a beautiful pass, Warrington is inches too far forward, but that doesn’t stop him rifling the ball into the top corner. The flag is up. He doesn’t notice. He races forward! He jumps into the active support! It’s the home active support! He grabs a flare out of someone’s hand and rips it! He does some pelvic thrusts with a tactically-placed flare! He screams! He throws the flare back into the crowd! He poses! He preens! He sees the flag. Babatunde Warrington is an unhappy man.

29 mins - GOAL! SFM 1-0 NRC. Hey, Marten Beyard, a non-descript depth striker for the Moths, scores with a frankly ludicrous flick of his heel. What helped is that he’s left totally unmarked by Newrook’s hapless defenders, and Iarrow’s hand to it is backed by somewhat less of an iron wrist. The ball bounces in, horrifically slowly. Beyard doesn’t care how shonky it all looks, he loves it.

30 mins - Glancing over to the shitshow in central Sabrefell for a moment, holy shit, Kimus de Vries is not up to the standard. I get Eoin Killanen wanted a happy family reunion or whatever, but bluntly, he’s an idiot.

31 mins - GOAL! CRD 2-0 CHR. Delphi Barbarouses is just a really, really fun player. She sees an opening from the fringes of the box, she lets fly, Rowett is rooted to his feet as the ball caroms off the inside of the post and in. Rowett blames his defence, because of course he does, but for once there was little they really could have done.

32 mins - Cranequin are busying themselves not looking great against Harriers’ reserves; they’re still not home and dry until they win. Surely they’ll win, right? Even if they do, it’s really hard to see either of these sides beating Belgrave. Both these sides have fans who would kill their firstborns for Kotaro Katsura or Markus Strand.

33 mins - “When the train could potentially drive down either the one guy tied to the tracks or the five, are all six simultaneously alive and dead until the train is past the track switch?” ponders Silas Moritz from Cranequin. Hey, Silas, I hope you got bullied constantly in school.

34 mins - GOAL! RVR 1-0 NSF. … Anyway, yeah, de Vries scored. He kisses his wife in celebration.

35 mins - Treason against Corvistone remains goalless but it’s undeniably been the highest-quality of the four relevant games. The Crows pass it beautifully out of pressure at the back, but then Lucy Almwood gets cleaned out by Neptune and a lightning-quick pass of the spilled ball from Rauch splits them open. Metzger and Brosch shove each other hard in pursuit, Metzger just about gets his toe on the ball but Kovacic flicks out a boot to deflect it, and Olexander Green gets back to clear it off the line.

36 mins - GOAL! SFM 1-1 NRC. Robert Griffin just doesn’t make mistakes like this, or he didn’t use to. But he comes out for a cross from Pakkanen and just gets lost in no-man’s land, flicking just about half a knuckle onto the end of it. The ball makes it across to the opposite fullback, Aries Kohler, who takes a quick touch to settle himself before firing the ball towards goal. A diving header from Wil Jabelon looks to have saved the Moths in spectacular fashion, but Couturiaux rises high to head it back into danger, and a scissor kick from Ocokoljic finishes a scrappy move in a beautiful way. Griffin’s made his way back across, but his desperate dive is just inches too late.

37 mins - There haven’t been many clear-cut chances in Brinemouth, but stunningly, one is received and squandered by Desya Kuznetsov. Deventer draws markers away before a delicate backheel to Close in behind, who strokes the ball along to the Audioslavian wild-man, who has the entire goal at his mercy! He puts it… not quite down Briggs’ throat, but she doesn’t have to go far to claw it away at her near post with both hands, and looks equally grateful and confused at the lifeline.

38 mins - That said! Yet another disallowed goal! Brinemouth’s corner is taken beautifully by Conjure, Tidesson stoops to flick it home, he goes to celebrate-- but the whistle’s blown. For good reason, it turns out. Katerina Tarrasch has had a poor season, but she still would easily have cleared the ball before it got to Tidesson had Magnozzi not shoved her down with a hand in the small of the spine, then gone down belatedly a second after to pretend it was shoulder-to-shoulder. Defenders rarely make good divers.

39 mins - GOAL! TRE 0-1 CVS. Now here’s a turn-up! Can’t say it hasn’t been deserved, either, as the Crows’ pressure finally tells! Some lovely one-touch football between Yonen and Ulreich, then Yonen and Muhren, sees the rightback pick out the free winger Ulreich as Va’Afaja is caught between them. Clarisse Ulreich, a Treason homegrown talent, curls the ball around Clavel and keeps her celebration restricted to a quiet little fist-pump. Still furore from the stands, already taunted by and slightly on fire due to Warrington earlier.

40 mins - Cranequin City have calmed down and reasserted some control against Harriers Reserves. The net result is that nothing’s happened for like five minutes. That’s still not good enough for City, unless Creed score twice more against the Rovers without reply. And, okay, that doesn’t seem unlikely at this stage.

41 mins - Chenoworth Rovers come close to pulling one back. Really, Grey Meisler should score, springing onto the end of a Paterson pass, racing on the inside straight of Seip and finding plenty of space and maybe just getting a little too casual, firing across the face of goal but not quite on target. Harper claps encouragingly. Maybe even patronisingly.

42 mins - Malte update: your boy is on his third can of First Wind of the night. I’m out of Molten Red and straight onto the Vibrant Chartreuse. “You won’t need a second” my arse.

43 mins - You’d expect Treason to go hard for an equaliser, but… they aren’t. They seem a little taken aback, or perhaps Corvistone’s fearless pressing is just doing its job, snuffing out chances. Katenza Muhren misses an initial challenge on Kelly McInnes, who thinks she has all the time in the world to stall and pick out the perfect cross, but doesn’t as Muhren catches up to blindside her with a sliding challenge. She’s 31.

44 mins - GOAL! CRD 2-1 CHR. A bad mistake from Abate Brehanu, who doesn’t make those kinds of errors. Koerner beats Seip, who looks every one of his 33 years, swings in a cross - Brehanu has it, and doesn’t get out of the way when Senninger calls for it (and should have it comfortably), and as the goalkeeper crashes into him, the veteran defender knocks it down beautifully for an opportunistic Meisler to lash home from point-blank range.

45 mins - Brinemouth have been testing Briggs sorely these past few minutes. The Chariots’ goalkeeper is an excellent shot-stopper, but there’s a definite weakness in the air that crosses from Deventer and Tidesson have looked to exploit. Fortunately, Na’Duha’s been there to bail her out more often than not, and stocky Audioslavian Kuznetsov is hardly a towering target anyway.

Injury time - Nothing doing. Cranequin and Brinemouth both get corners, but neither goes anywhere.

HALF-TIME SCORES
Brinemouth 0-0 Aries Chariots
Parrhesia United 0-0 Chatswood
Cranequin City 0-0 Chenoworth Harriers
Creed United 2-1 Chenoworth Rovers
Vermillion Rage 1-1 Coret Hawks
AFC Treason 0-1 AFC Corvistone
Starling 1-0 Crisisbless
Stahlburg City 1-0 Crisisbless United
Southfell United 2-0 Cypher Town
Sabrefell Moths 1-1 Newrook City
Sabrefell Athletic 2-0 North Laithland
Raven River 1-0 North Sabrefell
As it stands: Brinemouth win the league, Chenoworth Rovers make the playoff.

46 mins - We return. Treason need a result. Cranequin City still need a goal, or for Creed to fucking leather the Rovers.

47 mins - GOAL! SFU 3-0 CYT. Forestier to Nagy to Anselm to Nagy to Forestier to Gundersen to Forestier, suddenly standing alone surrounded by disoriented blue shirts who never quite put pressure on their opponents, and cuts inside and shoots under Ruo, who should do better. When Ruo’s letting the Eagles down, it’s really not their day. But the shot should never have come off in the first place.

48 mins - RED CARD! Classic Chatswood. It’s a nothing game against Parrhesia’s reserves, so, Bohemund Karling, what exactly is the point in trying to snap Abigail Teris’ knees like twigs? Teris goes down like a poleaxed ox, referee Martella Price shows no hesitation or mercy. Karling doesn’t improve the situation with some choice words, or an energetic pumping salute to the home fans mocking him around the tunnel.

49 mins - Penalty shout in Creed! The lone spark in a dire season, besides the sheer amount of money they’re about to get from whenever an actual good team buys Murray, has been teenage winger Anselm Koerner. The muscular midfielder went shoulder to shoulder with Seip bearing down on goal, the former Blue Coast man sensed he was losing and flicked out a boot to clear the ball out and clean out Koerner, though did the Rovers winger drag back a leg to get caught? Should it matter? Still, Koerner (and Harper on the touchline) are incandescent. Seip shrugs.

50 mins - “If you pull a train lever irresponsibly, regardless of whether or not people are tied down to the tracks,” reasons Amelia Rickenbacker from Stahlburg, “you are still potentially endangering lives so long as the possibility exists. While a drink driver is penalised more harshly should they kill someone, they are still punished for the same actions even if there is no concrete action. Therefore-” It goes on for some time. And more importantly, there’s a--

51 mins - GOAL! STC 1-1 CRU. Maybe this ‘passing from the back’ lark really does have legs. Rina Lazareva starts it, metronomically reliable between the posts, eventually finding Bruun in plenty of space. Bruun, by way of a clever one-touch passing exchange with Garner, streaks free down the right before rolling the ball aside for Tamba, who pivots and fires across for Casimir Ronayne, bombing in from the left wing. Ronayne fires, Prant-Telew beats it powerfully away but only as far as Jessica Lennox, who controls the unwieldy bounce well with her initial touch before rolling the ball into the unguarded net.

52 mins - Brinemouth nearly take the lead, but Marietta Briggs can add her name to an exalted roster. A quickly-taken throw from Spencer unaccountably takes the Chariots’ defence off-guard and Tidesson flicks it cleverly over the top of everyone, Desya Kuznetsov runs onto the end of it, he must score! He doesn’t! Briggs makes herself big and then drops a knee at the decisive moment that blocks the low strike, and Tarrasch atones by hooking clear!

53 mins - GOAL! STC 2-1 CRU. That didn’t last long. Viviana Strephon forces Lazareva into a sharp save with a clever dipping volley, and the resulting corner is swung in by Aurelie Henry, bounces up off Mathis Orsay’s head and into the path of fellow centre-half Xandra Cooke, who powers home her first senior goal.

54 mins - GOAL! TRE 1-1 CVS. The breakthrough for the Stags! They’ve had the better of the match since half-time, and though this is as simple as a corner smashed home by Peter Svensson at the near post (Svensson has scored seven goals in all competitions this season…) they all count the same in the end. Metzger collects the ball, Svensson whips up the active support into a frenzy.

55 mins - Really, though, it’s hard to imagine a draw will be enough. Brinemouth should beat the Chariots, and they’ve finally started to click in the second half. The Chariots have snuffed out every fire so far, bar the Kuznetsov chance earlier, and star centre-half Kadija Na’Duha is having a great match. She’s reported to already be a target for the Dockers next season, and if this is her audition, she’s acing it.

56 mins - Jonsson shoots! Kovacic claws it away. Metzger follows it up! Kovacic palms it skywards - Olexander Green races back in time to head it off the line, a second goalline clearance of the day. Neptune tries to get on the end of it, but her overenthusiastic approach sees her booked for a high boot that nearly cuts down Yonen at the trunk.

57 mins - GOAL! SFA 3-0 NLA. Mercedes Reeve lunges desperately to take out Coltrane, and misses. Coltrane makes the most of the acres of space and picks out the bottom corner, Krieven agonisingly brushing fingers against it at full stretch. Worse still, Reeve has to limp off, Kurt Ettori crossing himself no less than three times before running on to replace her.

58 mins - Bruno Kezman spills a routine cross from Corsica Greene, but just about manages to fall onto the rebound. Sagittarius Wright tries to get on the end of it, and does manage to force a boot onto it and force it home! Just, kneeing Kezman in the cheek with her left and scraping her studs across his face with her right. She’s nonplussed to get the goal chalked off, let alone get cautioned for reckless play.

59 mins - GOAL! SFU 4-0 CYT. Kurt Ettori should have crossed himself a couple more times. A calamitous and entirely avoidable error. Posipal passes up to him, routine, no pressure from anywhere; Ettori turns rather than controlling on the spot, overbalances and slips. The unattended ball gets to a nonplussed Coltrane, who almost casually clips a ball over the top. Again, willing servant Caszely plays provider, diving and flicking a header across the face of goal for Tarala to crash past an incandescent Krieven, who spends the next while shouting at Ettori along with Posipal.

60 mins - Chenoworth Rovers have just about looked the better team against Creed, but sometimes their momentum just gets thrown by a bit of carelessness, or an overly rabid tackle from the murderous Ender Fife. Or, this time, from Misha Paterson getting the ball from Rowell in plenty of space, with anyone in the team to pick out with a pass, and picking out none of them with a ball that just rolls dismally out of play without touching anyone.

61 mins - Corvistone should retake the lead, surely! But you can’t blame them. Morham thumps a shot into a sea of bodies, then slides the rebound to Katenza Muhren, who hooks a cross over the top; Warrington and Lockheed both go for it, neither wins, and the ball finds its way down to Lucy Almwood, of all people. The leftback tries her luck with a powerful half-volley that caroms off Svensson’s thigh, but Clavel, with no time at all to react, somehow springs across to claw the ball desperately out of the top corner! Time seemed to stand still!

62 mins - Sequel Bathanay replaces Sagittarius Wright and his one-man quest to relegate Cranequin City. Bathanay’s big and bluff and has all of three league goals this season from 17 appearances. She’s a far more comfortable arrival. But City still need to test Alfonse Cameron!

63 mins - The Rovers have the ball in the net! But they’ll have to do better than that. Paterson does better this time, a brilliant flicked pass to Koerner, but the impish winger needs a slight and literal helping hand to control the ball before centring it for Murray to drive home. No dice. It’s pulled back.

64 mins - GOAL! VRR 2-1 COH. Ramona Porter with a rare goal, twisting through three defenders with pace and verve before figuring, fuck it, may as well force the ball past Ramelow’s near post. Her fellow fringe Nephara international pushes out a boot, but only succeeds in diverting the ball faster and more immediately into her own net. But it would’ve found the bottom corner regardless, and Porter gets the goal.

65 mins - Stahlburg City are now on for seventh and a Globe Cup berth. All they need is to score one goal every minute until full time. The pressure is on for 18-year old debutant Viviana Strephon.

66 mins - Proud son of Treason Markus Stroud offers; “There is one man tied to one path of tracks, and one man tied to the other path of tracks. Knowing nothing about either, you have the power over the lever to decide who lives and who dies. Do your actions still hold meaning?” Yes. Obviously. Try telling the family of the steaming pile of organs I choose to destroy that my actions don’t matter.

67 mins - GOAL! TRE 1-2 CVS. Oof! Fuck! But really, was there much more the Stags could have done? For all people talk of there being no goals in football without mistakes, five short, sharp and inch-perfect passes to feet get the ball to Clarisse Ulreich, who beautifully curls a strike beyond a desperate, diving Clavel. She didn’t celebrate her first. With her second, she sinks to her knees, realising she may well have just handed that key eighth title back to the Dockers...

68 mins - Speaking of Ramona Porter from before; she actually has a sister, Tamika, who is a lot worse at football than she is. That said, she still looked sharp and lively in the third tier with CNL, and could be good value for a First Division side. Maybe Morningstar, if they’re ready to ditch the Trifon Draxler Experience.

69 mins - Treason immediately don’t quite get back level, but they should be. They should be! It’s a clever pass from substitute Saturn Mastiff that slices open the Corvistone defence, and Metzger only has Kovacic to beat! And… pulls it wide! It clanks off the foot of the post and skims out before Neptune can convert!

70 mins - GOAL! STA 1-1 CRI. A lazy crossfield ball from Bremusa Strassman is trapped easily by Quintero on the edge of the box, and she just needs a little one-two with Woakes to run free on the inside track and chip insolently over Smordal’s charge. Berg comes agonisingly close to clearing it off the line. Agonisingly close.

71 mins - … And Berg has pulled up. That could be really, really bad, if they go into the DIT Final missing their best defender. Amos’ decision to still pick a fairly strong side might wind up backfiring… but he’s good to keep going, after a good twenty seconds or so with Passerine hearts in mouths.

72 mins - Hey, Ida Cornwell from Riverkey has a good one. “Mara is tied to one set of tracks, Pernille the other, yourself to a third. By blinking Morse Code, you can signal a guy at the lever who to redirect the train to.” Sorry, Mara.

73 mins - GOAL! BRI 0-1 ARC. And… suddenly the trophy’s back in Treason?? After failing to break the deadlock, the Dockers are made to pay - Soederquist slides in to hook away a pass from Rzazade to Strausz and it’s big and imprsesive, except that the ball then comes to Praxil Law, who can do things in possession. Law runs forward, a deft one-two with Giselher Ruskin frees him to swing in a cross. Bull punches clear, but Anise Riske nips just ahead of Conjure and pulls off a clever lob into the empty net!

74 mins - This is stupid.

75 mins - Cue the desperation substitutions. Franz Kesteren has done basically nothing for Brinemouth; on comes Iori Saitou. They’ll be going more direct, chances are. Treason take off Fletcher and drag on the 37-year old carcass of Roddy Fraser, who has a knack for coming up with goals even at this age. City, meanwhile, have to look to… uhm… a 35-year old Niko Rosmalen, currently warming up on the sidelines. Sad. Gemmill and Gyenis have already come on, so Dan Keel’s about to be out of options.

76 mins - GOALS! SFU 4-1 CYT, SFM 1-2 NRC. Southfell can afford some complacency but falling asleep at a throw-in is a bit much. A quick throw from Anderton flicked over the top from Weiss, inadvertantly flicked on by Grant as he contested Vanstrattan for the ball falling well for the opportunistic Rahn to score with his first touch off the bench. The Moths’ day gets worse; brilliant work from Newrook leftback Kohler sees him knock through Moths like pins, before pulling back inside and rolling across for Cressida Voeller to nip in, pass everyone chasing Kohler and drive into the corner past Griffin.

77 mins - Okay, so I know Cypher have been predicted to go down by basically everyone for the past couple years, but. Leichhardt, South Laithland and Cranequin Wanderers? Those are three extremely strong promoted clubs, sides that are legitimately comfortable at this level. The Stargazers in particular are probably like a couple midfield signings from not even having to think about relegation next season. But maybe that’s premature. People said that about the Saints.

78 mins - Are both title contenders seriously going to lose at home to midtable underachievers with nothing to play for? This is ridiculous. Treason are looking the more likely to draw level, with the Crows tiring, but with Brinemouth’s quality and the Chariots’ flakiness all it would take there is one moment. The first to score looks good value for the title at this point.

79 mins - GOAL! PAR 1-0 CHT. After a rare Chatswood attack breaks down, Veluca Austen confidently claiming a poor cross from Volz, the goalkeeper hurls the ball down the right for Bullova Reyson to race clear. She pulls it back for Kotsonis, who turns and hoofs one over the top - that’s all it takes, Reus taking it in stride with both glacial opposing centre-halves backing up and giving her plenty of time to wait for it to sit nicely and blast it past Nova Williams. Leigh Fletcher is furious on the sidelines! She’s calling for offside, but there’s no chance.

80 mins - Parrhesia celebrate by bringing on Sanger Linn, a seventeen-year old with a squad number of 58. He enters the field replacing Teris, and dabs. The game’s gone.

81 mins - Brilliant save from Marietta Briggs! Evelyn Conjure always magics up a-- fuck, I fucked it, but, still! She always makes something happen! And given just a little too much respect from a presentable range, she looks sure to find the top corner, but no! Briggs, at full stretch and with both hands, pushes it onto the top of the crossbar and out for a corner! The corner, also from Conjure, is caught rather more routinely by Briggs.

82 mins - Felix Karlton of Crisisbless wonders, “There’s a trolley and two tracks that stretch along infinitely. One track has one guy strapped to it every kilometre; the other, a guy strapped to it every mile. You have the opportunity to switch it to the mile track. Either way, an infinite number of people die, but one is a smaller and more gradual infinity than the other.” I… that’s bullshit. Fuck you.

83 mins - The Gauntlet erupts when McInnes is taken out by Katenza Muhren on the fringes of the box. It’s the kind of penalty that home advantage will sometimes win you on a good day, but Muhren got plenty of ball and she got it first.

84 mins - GOAL! SFA 4-0 NLA. Mara from Lindmark. Pernille from Lindmark. Your club is terrible. I’m not sorry, and I hate you both.

85 mins - GOAL! CRD 2-2 CHR. The Rovers secure themselves a little further against the guaranteed drop, Misha Paterson continuing to play her heart out. She thoroughly deserves an assist here, wresting possession off Barbarouses and arrowing a far-post ball to Sabine Patton, coming off the bench to make an impact with a decisive toebashed finish. Cranequin’s situation hasn’t changed; they still need to score. That still doesn’t look likely.

86 mins - Briggs with another great save! Fuck! This is far less photogenic, a chance given simply off Morena Deventer’s pace as she blasts past Ashcroft, chips in an almost dainty cross that’s found and flicked towards the bottom corner of the net with vicious force from Saitou… and yet, Briggs claws it away! But the ball gets to Kuznetsov, pressured by Tarrasch and with a narrowing angle, but he still gets off a shot - and Briggs somehow gets to that, too, desperately slapping the ball past the near post! The away fans are chanting her name!

87 mins - We’re on First Wind #5 of the night. If I stop focusing on all twelve screens at once, I start to see the shapes and colours. I must not let my focus wander.

88 mins - GOAL! PAR 2-0 CHT. Literal baby Sanger Linn sort of starts this with a terrible cross that Williams clambers over Antosch to punch out commandingly. But Bischoff, who should have it, misjudges the ball in the air; Makis Kotsonis beasts her at the last moment to knock the ball down towards Ilia Mueller, who takes a deep breath, sizes up the angles and with a perfect side-volley sends a pearler of a strike beyond Williams.

89 mins - A Premiership debut for 17-year old winger Kendra Ramsey as she’s thrown on for Cassandra Rowell in the dying moments against Creed United. Granddaughter to Gethin, daughter to Triffid, both adoptive. Rumour has it she considers herself Schottic, for such trivial reasons as having been born in Schottia to Schottic biological parents and going on to live in Schottia for her childhood, culminating in a callup to Schottia youth representation. She’ll come around. A couple minutes on a dusty pitch in Creed will surely show her the way.

90 mins - GOAL! SFU 5-1 CYT. Nagy with a surprisingly rare goal, one warranted from his contribution. But it’s not in Brinemouth. So it doesn’t matter.

Injury time - GOAL! But where? Brinemouth press hard, desperately cooking the ball upfield - so do the Stags. Kuznetsov curls a ball low into the corner, but Briggs, yet again, pushes it out. Mastiff prays and thwacks it at goal, it bounces out for a corner off Green’s knee. And improbably, both goalkeepers, Bull and Clavel, wind up running up for corners… Bull has rather the advantage in that department. Full time in Cranequin; they’re relegated, scarcely believing it. The Harriers fans are bitter. They made the quick jaunt east with promises of the Rovers going down, but City couldn’t score against the child between the posts. The Rovers are safe. They cling each other. Jonsson slings in a corner. Clavel rises… the ball goes over the top, it glances off Svensson’s head, but only into Green’s chest and Lekea thumps a clearance away… Conjure slings in a corner. Bull rises. And… ! RVR 2-0 NSF. Michi Leonard’s final gift to her fans, the River captain in what is likely to be her last professional game, hammering a loose ball past Daunten from close range and taking her time soaking up the ambience. The Ferrymen are down, but not out. Not forever. Leonard will be remembered.

And Brinemouth do not score. Treason, incredibly, despite all logic saying they threw it all away, have won their eighth Premiership title.

FULL-TIME SCORES

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 16, 2019 3:52 am

PROMOTION PLAYOFFS
2DIV Ballardine FC / 3DIV Kensey Town
The battle of the hicks, as it’s called by the sneering media. Still, it’s not every day that you see this; the third-largest town of the Laith coming to challenge the third-largest town of the Vale. Kensey have enjoyed a stronger season than most expected, perhaps fuelled, as some superstitious locals like to suggest, by the presence of the Godhead unearthed here. But the Valesiders take an early lead, a ball thudding dismally into the dry pitch and flicked over the top of everyone by Tigran Montague, falling kindly for Forster to drive home. Tricky winger Catheline Blissett wins a penalty for Kensey just three minutes later, dipping between her markers and dragging out a leg when Theo Stamocostas comes to help and getting obligingly cleaned out, but Stamocostas redeems himself, standing tall to claw captain Deanna Brenner’s penalty away. Worse still, two minutes into a two-minute injury time in the first half, Montague goes it alone to make it 2-0. Blissett pulls one back late on, but suffice to say luck isn’t Kensey’s way this time, let alone when Marc Carlyle has a late ‘goal’ chalked off for a frankly brazen offside. Ballardine are saved, and Lyn Havelock has fulfilled her brief. Can they build on that next season? For Kensey, they’ll have to lick their wounds and hope to keep ahold of their bright young talents.

1DIV The Strongest / 2DIV Locksley
This is set to be a goalfest. The Strongest have kept in the fight purely through their attacking trident; Locksley have been fired to the top through their strike partnership, of muscular brawler Heaton and uh… muscular brawler Kreisburg. It’s the latter who makes the breakthrough, battering her way through Salling and Peacock to smash home a rather speculative ball over the top from veteran Detlef Konstantin. Goalkeeper Cavan hedged his bets, and managed to neither effectively close her down nor guard his line. Still, the Strongest had started the stronger of the two sides, and their leveller is unsurprising, even from the unlikely source of leftback Rotival, finding herself on the end of a raking crossfield ball from Tulaska Sunstroem.

Level at the break, then - and level after ninety minutes, too, with a second half full of running and excitement and utterly devoid of end product. Cavan atones with a couple sharp saves to deny Heaton, but that’s about it. The Strongest tail off in the last eleven minutes, as playmaker Laegjarn Martyn limps off. Extra time it is, then, and both sides seem to have worn one another down. It’s fitting, then, that it’s a pair of fresh legs that finish the match; Dimitri Konstantinopoulos alone has the energy to blaze a trail when Fernwood’s typically excellent cross is knocked down by the battling Kreisburg - the midfielder chests it in stride and hammers it past Cavan to seal the match. The Strongest desperately try and claw back the win, and Locksley are forced back against the wall. Camilla Arkwright gets sent off for a blatant professional foul, 118 minutes in, and the resulting free kick forces Iselin into a sharp save. But there’s no way through, and the Strongest have blown their second chance. Locksley shall take their place.

PREMIER Chenoworth Rovers / 1DIV Belgrave
Belgrave have been promoted twice, both times through winning promotion playoffs; they’ve never lost one, and they don’t plan to start now. This is a straightforward clash of brawn vs. brain, on paper. And it feels like it’s that Premiership physicality that’s making the difference early on. Belgrave stroke the ball around with confidence, but not quite the pace to seriously damage the Rovers; by the time a pass is picked out, it seems a Rover is already there to snuff out the danger. So naturally, Kotaru Katsura tires of this game and decides to settle it himself, flighting a strike into the underside of the crossbar past a stunned Anders Rowett, a goal that was frankly an injustice. But it would prove a rallying cry for the Gargoyles, who improved to see out the second half - though a scuffed clearance from goalkeeper Connell should have been converted by Meisler, who was forced under pressure from Kinsey to rush her shot over the bar of the empty net.

Belgrave came out of the gates running in the second half, early shots from Katsura and Sloan forcing Rowett into fine saves. But there’s little the goalkeeper can do when Aura Keynes cuts inside to utterly wrongfoot Fife (who spitefully kicks out at her anyway), finds her opposite winger Sloan, who hooks inside Laslow and outside the charging Rowett, who hurls himself bodily at the ball. He punches it clear, but Sloan’s dragging boot is unsurprisingly caught, and she goes down like a sack of bones. Rowett’s mixed day continues; Strand’s penalty is saved, but only because Rowett leapt almost comically far off his line before palming the ball away; retaken, an unruffled Strand sticks, and Rowett twists. 2-0, with Belgrave looking good value. Brandon Connell in the opposing goal earns his keep with scrambling saves against Meisler and Paterson, and while when Nya Murray finally gets a sniff of goal, she finds the corner, there’s still a vague sense she’s eying up a fat contract from elsewhere in Nephara (Coret and Southfell rumoured to be potential takers). There’s just that sense that a lamentably inconsistent side chose to wane rather than wax, with the worst possible timing. And as a result… Belgrave make it three. Catheline Harper is relieved of her duties two days later; in her absence, the Rovers will have plenty of time to soul-search in the second tier.

NFA CUP FINAL
Parrhesia United (4-3-3) 12 - Bartok; 6 - Symond (c), 13 - Ystrad, 19 - Bohr, 22 - Vandermark; 16 - Telviir, 20 - Ward, 11 - Rosborough, 15 - Fohler, 10 - McEthinly, 14 - Silkman
Bench: 1 - Spyrakis; 3 - Meso-Roza, 5 - Altman, 7 - Teris, 8 - Mueller, 9 - Reus, 21 - Radcliffe

Cranequin City (4-3-1-2) 1 - Ledo; 2 - Rashica, 5 - Satotxe, 6 - Kreis, 3 - Strasbourg; 15 - Tsolakis, 18 - Lechleiter (c), 13 - Gyenis; 11 - Rosmalen; 10 - Kolar, 16 - Gryspos
Bench: 12 - Kezman; 4 - Kalyvas, 7 - Addison, 8 - Skiff, 19 - Heller, 20 - Sembrant, 23 - Gemmill

Two relegated sides in the Cup. Incredible scenes, and no clear favourite. Cranequin City were certainly more functional, but the Cup is about special teams pulling off special moments, and that’s more the Saints’ area. Remarkably, neither side have ditched their managers, though Kaj Aurora is understood to be leaving at the end of the season; Dan Keel, well, the board’s just happy he got them this far. Sigrun Barota is injured for Parrhesia, though, and is a crippling miss.

Parrhesia hit the tracks running, City already put on the back foot. A couple optimistic strikes from Telviir and Rosborough have the desired effect of pegging City back in their tracks, while Jess Silkman, former fringe Nephara international, has a couple speculative scoops towards McEthinly cut out by Satotxe. Silkman has been badly behind pace all season, and is 35. Now has got to be her time to redeem herself. It is. Third time proves the charm when she cuts almost casually inside Rashica to find the far post with her right boot, not a traditional strength - Bastia Fohler hurls herself at the ball in flight and manages a spectacular diving header into the ground and past Ledo. City try to shift gears, but only look sluggish in the process - sluggish enough that when Niko Rosmalen’s heavy touch is hammered clear by Ystrad, Zohar Vandermark can run past pretty much everyone, including Silkman ahead, to find a beautiful diagonal pass to split the defence with her first touch. McEthinly, running full tilt herself, laces it past Ledo with her first touch as Kreis and Satotxe fail to lumber back in time.

Cranequin City try and pull back in the second half, and do reassert some measure of control. What they can’t manage is to pick out the right passes to break through as the Saints hurl bodies at any potential threat. Kosta Kolar works his way to an acute angle, wrestling with Bohr and eventually working his way through her to everyone’s surprise, cutting centrally and surely Rosmalen must score! But… he blasts it over. Immediately, Keel hauls him off for Skiff, who singes Bartok’s fingertips with her first intervention. But when City weary late in the game, and Bartok punches clear a cross from substitute Strasbourg, and substitute Ilia Mueller turns into acres of space… the result is predictable. City are in sixes and sevens, Mueller goes it alone, cutting through them all like a hot knife and as Ledo comes to challenge, turning aside and sidefooting the ball in low and hard. It’s the Saints’ day, after a long, hard, terrible season. One that will be fondly remembered in some time, when the scars heal - Newrook can tell them how, perhaps. It may not have been the success they were hoping for at the start of the season, but Cup glory - their third, drawing level with Crisisbless and Newrook - resounds far, far further than simple survival.

DWILE INVITATIONAL FINAL
Brinemouth (4-4-2) 1 - Bull; 2 - Spencer, 6 - Magnozzi, 5 - Windtide, 3 - Close; 7 - Tidesson, 21 - Soederquist (c), 10 - Conjure, 13 - Deventer; 4 - Kuznetsov, 17 - Saitou
Bench: 20 - Britton; 8 - Kesteren, 11 - Duerden, 12 - Montague, 14 - Dragana, 18 - Morlock, 19 - Royer

Starling (4-3-1-2) 1 - Smørdal; 2 - Asghar, 5 - Berg, 4 - Visser, 3 - Castor; 11 - Armstrong (c), 21 - Kymeri, 8 - Roxel; 22 - Netzach; 7 - Dostalok, 9 - Cathar
Bench: 25 - Carolan; 6 - Loredan, 10 - Corvalan, 13 - Padilla, 14 - Garai, 15 - Roebling, 19 - Paterson

So this is it, the de facto Champions Cup final. The season kicked off with a test between two Nepharim sides to see which was the multiverse’s best; we end on the same note, but with different protagonists. Brinemouth, narrowly the bridesmaid in the league, such talent in their lineup! Starling, the side everyone thought would run out of steam without Andisori or Lovelace, still with a shot at glory, and a respectable fifth in the league.

The first half is a cautious affair. One for the purists. Both sides are tired out of the gates, though it isn’t exactly a placid affair - not the way that Roxel crashes into countrywoman Conjure. Gareth Blackthorn has taken the unusual step of favouring two up front, and it’s Iori Saitou who looks to prove the wisdom of that, his run breaking free from Kuznetsov to find its way to an angled ball off the top by Deventer. He takes a touch, perhaps fatally, and his shot is snuffed out, thumping into the diving and thankfully fit Berg. This only galvanises the Passerines into action, and several pretty passing moves seem to put Dostalok, Cathar, Netzach, Armstrong in good positions… and yet there’s never quite a clear opening, more than a routine save coaxed from Ryan Bull.

Fortunately, the marketing execs seem to have put a word in the ear of both sides; out of seemingly nowhere both sides are out for blood in the second half. It’s everything an all-Nepharim final should be, blood and thunder and bravery, and that fearlessness extends to possession as well. There’s a place for Valentine Roxel putting all three parts of a goal together, crunching Deventer to win the ball, getting it rolling the other way with a simple but incisive pass to Castor, and when the cross flies back in towards goal he’s been running like hell into the opposing box, in the right place to leap tall and crash home the opening header. But there’s a place, too, for the bravery of Bryger Tidesson, taking on three, four men on his way into the box, and when a greater ego would have tried to go it alone for the final touch presented with Smordal guarding an acute angle, he instead thrashed a ferocious ball across the face of goal waiting only on a final touch. Kuznetsov, as always, provides.

1-1 after ninety minutes; 1-1 after a hundred and twenty, as well, both sides breathless and some chances opening up just through the gaps - still, the final product was lacking with Nevaeh Cathar most culpable, running onto a beautiful ball from Armstrong, chesting it down too heavily and screaming in frustration as Bull just… picks it up. She would get her chance to make up for that. Daniel Dostalok, however, would be first - and dispatched powerfully into the top right. Kuznetsov, as if answering a dare, went the same way, slightly further into the corner, with slightly more power - Smordal, motionless. Liam Armstrong next, Starling captain, but his slightly staggered walk fails to pay off as his Euran countryman calls his bluff, holds his ground until the final moment and doesn’t have far to claim a sputtering penalty. Soederquist’s could well have been saved, but Smordal guesses wrong; similarly, Kymeri’s.

Bryger Tidesson stepped up with the chance to make it 3-2, and he doesn’t stagger his run. Indeed, there’s no hesitation at all as the most expensive signing in Premiership history puts his foot through the ball and puts that ball into the crowd. He can scarcely believe it. Neither can Dockers’ fans. But the Passerines have a lifeline, one Cathar doesn’t squander with a firm and decisive penalty, answered by a nerveless one from the Nepharim captain Close, answered by… Varina Roebling, who substituted Roxel - it’s a cruel game, but the Schottic was dead on his feet, and received a standing ovation from the fans in green - who sends hers thundering into the underside of the crossbar. A few hearts in mouths, and now Ilona Duerden, herself a Nepharim substitute for a Schottic veteran in midfield, must score. She’s brave to step up. Nobody denies this. And she strikes the ball firmly, following through with a kiai. Then watching on, in horror, as Smordal makes the right call for the first time in the shootout and with an iron wrist clubs the ball to safety with violence. Nobody can believe it. But somehow, for the second time, lowly Starling from south of the Vale stand atop the world.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason              46  27  14   5   92   35  +57  95
  2 Brinemouth               46  29   8   9   93   42  +51  95
  3 Crisisbless              46  28   9   9   85   37  +48  93
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       46  26  13   7  109   51  +58  91
  5 Starling                 46  23  12  11   84   52  +32  81
  6 Sabrefell Moths          46  20  12  14   84   54  +30  72
  7 Coret Hawks              46  21   7  18   90   61  +29  70
  8 Stahlburg City           46  18  16  12   55   49   +6  70
  9 Vermillion Rage          46  18  14  14   83   66  +17  68
 10 Southfell United         46  17  15  14   73   73   +0  66
 11 AFC Corvistone           46  18  11  17   67   63   +4  65
 12 Aries Chariots           46  17  14  15   69   73   -4  65
 13 Newrook City             46  16  16  14   58   54   +4  64
 14 Crisisbless United       46  18   7  21   53   87  -34  61
 15 North Laithland          46  16  11  19   78   87   -9  59
 16 Creed United             46  16  11  19   61   70   -9  59
 17 Chenoworth Harriers      46  13  16  17   54   69  -15  55
 18 Chatswood                46  13   9  24   45   60  -15  48
 19 North Sabrefell          46  11  13  22   52   69  -17  46
 20 Cypher Town              46  12   7  27   42   78  -36  43
 21 Chenoworth Rovers        46  10  10  26   55   91  -36  40
 22 Cranequin City           46   9  12  25   36   75  -39  39
 23 Parrhesia United         46   9  11  26   40   95  -55  38
 24 Raven River              46   9   8  29   39  106  -67  35

TOP SCORERS
31 - Tarala (SFA)
27 - Kuznetsov (BRI)
26 - Metzger (TRE)
23 - Stavanger (COH), Dostalok (STA)
20 - Woakes (CRI), Vol (SFM), Heward (VRR)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Sipke Tarala (SFA)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Bryger Tidesson (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Lucy Almwood (CVS)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Maia Abylon (CRI)
Team of the Year: Na’Kefir (CRI); Asghar (STA), Svensson (TRE), Sigismund (SFA), Va’Afaja (TRE); Tidesson (BRI), Abylon (CRI), Jonsson (TRE), Gere (SFA); Tarala (SFA), Metzger (TRE)
Bench: Clavel (TRE); Orsay (STC), Close (BRI), Quintero (CRI), Shone (SFM), Aedelbrandt (SFM), Kuznetsov (BRI)
Manager of the Year: Tim Maitfield (CRU)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Leichhardt                46  32   7   7   79   39  +40  103
  2 South Laithland           46  31   4  11  103   58  +45   97
  3 Cranequin Wanderers       46  23   9  14   62   50  +12   78
  4 Belgrave                  46  21  11  14   99   64  +35   74
  5 Vermillion Wanderers      46  22   8  16   76   60  +16   74
  6 Brookford Otters          46  20  13  13   79   59  +20   73
  7 Mantlegrove               46  20  12  14   58   45  +13   72
  8 Diamondqueen              46  21   8  17   80   57  +23   71
  9 Stahlburg Rovers          46  19  11  16   75   67   +8   68
 10 AFC Serpentine            46  18  13  15   71   64   +7   67
 11 Armstrong                 46  18  11  17   57   52   +5   65
 12 Morningstar               46  18  11  17   53   59   -6   65
 13 Goodfeather FC            46  18  10  18   67   58   +9   64
 14 Iron City                 46  15  17  14   43   40   +3   62
 15 Chardonnay Rangers        46  16  14  16   64   65   -1   62
 16 Corvette Maulers          46  19   5  22   62   70   -8   62
 17 Bishop                    46  14  15  17   53   66  -13   57
 18 Gonen's Bridge            46  14  14  18   62   72  -10   56
 19 Alliance Barossia         46  16   4  26   50   72  -22   52
 20 Dartmouth Terriers        46  13   9  24   42   66  -24   48
 21 The Strongest             46  11  12  23   64   88  -24   45
 22 Pillars of Southfell      46  11  12  23   34   64  -30   45
 23 Hackett                   46  11  10  25   51   89  -38   43
 24 Peregrine                 46   6  10  30   48  108  -60   28

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Harriet Michail (SLA) - 32
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Delphi Barbarouses (CRD)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Catheline Novick (SLA)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Kotaro Katsura (BEL)
Team of the Year: Matheny (CRW); Auburn (VRW), Garrick (MTG), Pike (SLA), Woodruff (LEI); Sloan (BEL), Vintner (LEI), Katsura (BEL), Habane (SLA); Michail (SLA), Stevenson (LEI)
Manager of the Year: Henrick Barden (MTG)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Rochford               46  29  10   7  73  33  +40  97
  2 West Brinemouth            46  28  12   6  77  35  +42  96
  3 Crisisbless Athletic       46  24  12  10  78  45  +33  84
  4 Locksley                   46  23  10  13  85  53  +32  79
  5 Corinthians No Longer      46  22  11  13  78  68  +10  77
  6 Riverkey                   46  22   9  15  51  42   +9  75
  7 Extreme Hills              46  20  11  15  69  66   +3  71
  8 Stonegrave                 46  18  16  12  46  38   +8  70
  9 Aries Solitaire            46  17  13  16  63  52  +11  64
 10 Falston United             46  17  13  16  47  43   +4  64
 11 Barossia United            46  16  16  14  47  46   +1  64
 12 Greygate                   46  16  15  15  46  43   +3  63
 13 Coret Rovers               46  17  11  18  64  61   +3  62
 14 Gosmouth Swans             46  17  10  19  65  75  -10  61
 15 Ritter Town                46  15  13  18  51  59   -8  58
 16 The Hanged Man             46  12  19  15  44  46   -2  55
 17 Lazuli Diamonds            46  13  15  18  54  68  -14  54
 18 AFC Shale                  46  13  13  20  34  43   -9  52
 19 Boltcroft Thorns           46  13  13  20  65  78  -13  52
 20 Southriver                 46  14   9  23  46  71  -25  51
 21 Ballardine FC              46  12   8  26  51  77  -26  44
 22 Brokenarch                 46  10  11  25  39  75  -36  41
 23 Kommissar                  46   8  16  22  48  71  -23  40
 24 Sheridan                   46   7  12  27  27  60  -33  33

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Marika Kreisburg (LCK) - 30
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Minka Forrest (RCH)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Traudl Mrdja (RCH)
Team of the Year: Qatintiki (CBA); Devine (WBR), Young (CBA), Anneaux (WBR), Avery (RVK); Mrdja (RCH), Valente (CBA), Forrest (RCH), Fernwood (LCK); Kreisburg (LCK), Bronze (CNL)
Manager of the Year: Mixu Durran (EXH)

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Martella Jazz                46  31   9   6  88  39  +49  102
  2 Autumnstone                  46  26  16   4  95  45  +50   94
  3 Crossroads Town              46  28   7  11  95  47  +48   91
  4 Kensey Town                  46  25  10  11  78  53  +25   85
  5 Brindleton                   46  21  14  11  67  60   +7   77
  6 Mapleford                    46  21  12  13  76  45  +31   75
  7 South Parrhesia              46  20  13  13  66  54  +12   73
  8 Rochford Pilgrims            46  21   8  17  76  54  +22   71
  9 Strephonage                  46  19  14  13  62  48  +14   71
 10 Iron United                  46  19  11  16  58  55   +3   68
 11 East Laithland Harriers      46  17  15  14  75  66   +9   66
 12 Hartford Glade               46  18   9  19  66  66   +0   63
 13 Ox River United              46  15  17  14  47  47   +0   62
 14 Caldwick Strand              46  15  12  19  55  65  -10   57
 15 Ingram Township              46  12  18  16  35  44   -9   54
 16 Sutcroft                     46  15   8  23  55  85  -30   53
 17 West Hook                    46  12  15  19  41  48   -7   51
 18 Riverkey Shells              46  14   9  23  56  71  -15   51
 19 Downsparrow                  46  12  13  21  42  80  -38   49
 20 Fully Sick XI                46  11  13  22  57  75  -18   46
 21 Long Lake                    46  10  13  23  33  55  -22   43
 22 Sutcroft Athletic            46   9  14  23  49  82  -33   41
 23 Falston Town                 46  10   7  29  40  88  -48   37
 24 Sirencall FC                 46   7  11  28  50  90  -40   32

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rushe United            38  22   8   8  77  42  +35  74
  2 Crownsend Journey       38  20   9   9  75  41  +34  69
  3 FC Seierstad            38  19   9  10  62  47  +15  66
  4 Grovebank               38  16  16   6  61  44  +17  64
  5 Iberia Chenoworth       38  20   3  15  85  71  +14  63
  6 Lockheed Zenith         38  17   9  12  55  46   +9  60
  7 Fischer                 38  16  11  11  51  49   +2  59
  8 Courser                 38  16   8  14  39  37   +2  56
  9 AFC Hellerine           38  15   8  15  63  57   +6  53
 10 Stonesthrow Town        38  13  10  15  43  42   +1  49
 11 Ringway                 38  11  15  12  51  51   +0  48
 12 AFC Feuerweiss          38  13   9  16  58  68  -10  48
 13 Harrington              38  12  11  15  60  59   +1  47
 14 Boleyn Town             38  11  14  13  39  43   -4  47
 15 Fenland Albion          38  12  10  16  40  51  -11  46
 16 Besand's Folly          38  12   9  17  47  63  -16  45
 17 Sleetwell Rangers       38  11  10  17  56  73  -17  43
 18 Chenoworth Teutons      38   8  14  16  42  54  -12  38
 19 Stekelenbright          38   7  11  20  51  78  -27  32
 20 Camwell Road            38   8   8  22  37  76  -39  32
Promoted: Lindmark Falcons, AFC Mittelmarch

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin Souths          38  25   9   4   84  37  +47  84
  2 Brunyard FC               38  23   9   6   74  48  +26  78
  3 New Oakstone Phoenix      38  22   9   7  106  44  +62  75
  4 Twelvetrees               38  20   6  12   51  38  +13  66
  5 Corvistone City           38  16  14   8   51  30  +21  62
  6 Bodkin Road               38  17  11  10   54  36  +18  62
  7 Brookford Vantablack      38  16  14   8   56  39  +17  62
  8 The Travellers FC         38  17  11  10   61  50  +11  62
  9 Northside Eagles          38  17  10  11   61  51  +10  61
 10 AFC Volksgarten           38  16   7  15   40  43   -3  55
 11 Rookwall                  38  13  12  13   45  38   +7  51
 12 AFC Davenport             38  14   5  19   45  56  -11  47
 13 Gridlock                  38  12   9  17   37  41   -4  45
 14 Constance Park            38  10   9  19   36  53  -17  39
 15 Blaze                     38   9  10  19   39  76  -37  37
 16 AFC Burchess              38   9   9  20   40  66  -26  36
 17 Aries Tigers              38   8  11  19   46  68  -22  35
 18 Markoni                   38  10   4  24   38  73  -35  34
 19 Brookway Town             38   6  14  18   32  65  -33  32
 20 Stamper Road              38   6   5  27   33  77  -44  23
Promoted: Latin Enclave FC, Longwinter, Barhara Cavaliers
Falston Town folded after relegation.

by **Nephara** » Wed Feb 05, 2020 1:27 am

Season 75 Preview

by **Nephara** » Fri Feb 07, 2020 8:50 pm

by **Nephara** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 3:31 am

by **Nephara** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:54 am

First Division Preview

by **Nephara** » Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:59 am

Lower Down the Pyramid

Second Division
1. Barossia United
Colours Terracotta and white
Nickname the Boars
Manager Dorian Brindle (58)
Key Players Josef Colmeyer (GK, 29), Andre Sciberras (RB, 32), Rose Benedict (CB, 34), Adze Beckerman (LB, 25), Markus Teamster (DM, 25), Vasilis Nikas (CM, 34), Sarah Bernard (RW, 33), Lysander Ciman (AM, 22), Ulrike Jensen (ST, 29)
Summary Easily the best team in the league at this stage, having stapled together an impressive quantity of experienced players. Uncompromising at the back, lethal up front, and under proven leadership; it is difficult to see them slipping. Jensen is far too good for this level.

2. The Strongest
Colours Burgundy and white
Nickname the Strongest
Manager Markus Horst (56)
Key Players Alastair Cavan (GK, 31), Fiete Kinnett (RB, 33), Bernard Peacock (RB, 29), Tyw Salling (CB, 35, AUD), Lene Wiseman (CB, 29), Hippolyta Theophile (DM/CM, 32), Karel Machin (CM, 30), Tulaska Sunstroem (RW, 24, COS), Sylvia Wright (ST, 24), Nathan Proctor (LW, 33)
Summary Largely the Strongest have stuck the landing, keeping most of their best players. Wright is an intriguing prospect, fresh off scoring 41 goals in 37 matches for New Oakstone in the Conference East, while manager Horst was Amos' long-serving assistant at Starling.

3. Corinthians No Longer
Colours Black and yellow
Nickname CNL
Manager Anders Barrett (48)
Key Players Daniel Axweald (CB, 30), Garrick Fraser (CB, 28), Bella Scarratt (LB, 31), Timoth Mariner (DM, 23), Emerance Sanborn (CM, 31), Graf Bronze (ST, 28), Tamika Porter (LW, 25)
Summary Solid from tip to tail, though shot-stopper Chester will be missed. Barrett shall not be spared if they fail again.

4. Aries Solitaire
Colours White and black
Nickname Solitaire
Manager Sasha Breighthauser (47)
Key Players Alexandru Zaparas (GK, 34), Franzi Brill (RB, 27), Amelia Breukelen (CB, 31, IRN), Sascha Dimitrius (RM, 35), Sofia Tatra (CM, 30), Yolanda Sparrow (CM, 26), Rudi Moisander (LM, 22), Sirena Va'Drevu (ST, 34, COS)
Summary Didn't quite get the job done last time. Or come close. Dimitrius is fit and firing again, but she is also 35. Even so, their midfield is lethal, and Va'Drevu can find the target.

5. Pillars of Southfell
Colours Purple and black
Nickname the Seekers
Manager Yura Bartok (50)
Key Players Mariam Brookhouse (GK, 30), Asmir Casserley (RB, 33), Eli Prosper (CB, 33), Everard Muslin (CB, 32), Libena Freischuetz (LB, 21), Meghan Alsatian (DM, 31), Elizabeth Bellard (CM, 34), Heidi Ishtar (RW, 24, CMT), Elon Cisneros (AM, 30), Amine Raihani (LW, 30, BBS), Rho Efthimiou (ST, 30)
Summary Rho Efthimiou has a career of disappointment to overturn. Pillars did well just to almost stay up last time, and their near-untouched defence should be impenetrable at this level.

6. Peregrine
Colours Green and white
Nickname the Falconers
Manager Rebecca Kelsey (45)
Key Players Connor Risdon (GK, 33), Brindle Taukroger (RB, 28), Providence Mensah (CB, 30), Avram Beyard (CB, 29), Avis Montagne (LB, 24, CMT), Stefi Unbehaun (DM, 31), Asger Moonshine (CM, 22), Leon Rinehart (RW, 31), Fabiola Brookes-Qureshi (RW, 32, EFL), Lorcan Peck (AM, 33, ETN), Jasper Dyer (LW, 31), Sylvia Janik (ST, 30, GLX)
Summary After last season's waking nightmare, Peregrine's more pessimistic fans are just hoping to stay up. On paper, though, they could mount an immediate comeback. Much depends on if Janik can reclaim her Coret form.

7. Riverkey
Colours White and purple
Nickname the Seagulls
Manager Clarissa Burnes (56)
Key Players Tameka Halsall (GK, 34), Ruth Jesper (RB, 29), Terelius Giovinazzo (CB, 31, AUD), Tasha Avery (LB, 34), Lowen Barr (LM, 29), Cornelian Stryger (ST, 27), Radja Martelbach (ST, 26)
Summary Still lacking goal threat, but Stryger from Diamondqueen should help address that. Defensively solid but lacking woefully in creativity and X-Factor. Another season of Purgatory, then.

8. Hackett
Colours Red and white
Nickname the Merry Boys
Manager Yorick Lee (47)
Key Players Darroll Kewell (GK, 32, EFL), Nicola Wrexham (RB, 30), Wanya Belsky (CB, 30, AUD), Roderick Munoz (CB, 30, ETN), Connor Wettin (LB, 25), Arran Grey (CM, 29), Viktor Key (CM, 28), Simeon Lucan (RW, 32), Frey Sylvine (ST, 32), Delta Amberstone (LW/AM, 34), Felix Luthier (LW, 20)
Summary Gutted after relegation, Hackett are far too off-balance to make it back at the first attempt. The remaining players form a well-balanced side, nothing more.

9. Greygate
Colours Grey and red
Nickname the Wardens
Manager Pavel Stenhouse (48)
Key Players Erin Naylor (GK, 29), Jari Ricketts (RB, 32), Rostyn Malick (CB, 33), Andrey Mincham (CB, 28), Tormod Joiner (RM, 34), Gareth Temple (CM, 30), Matthew Rawson (CM, 28), Jadzia Starmer (LM, 23), Constance Strober (ST, 32), Klaus Petriak (ST, 31)
Summary Greygate are still Greygate, playing direct, one-dimensional football and doing an unexceptional job. Mincham is a good purchase to stiffen the defence. Otherwise things remain much as they were.

10. Ritter Town
Colours White and orange
Nickname the Stallions
Manager Pernille Raphael (47)
Key Players Jasper Kirkland (GK, 30), Harald Reuser (RB, 32), Ulrich Braun (CB, 25), Odo Vorstead (CB, 23), Lesedi Maina (LB, 28, FPT), Augustine Yew (RM, 30), Cosette Espeleta (CM, 33), Garrett Fairbank (CM, 25), Morten Crestwell (ST, 33), Ganimedes (ST, 33, DAI)
Summary Ritter remain far from their glory days, and have done little (aside from shoring up their finances) to fix the situation. They have the goals to remain in the top half, and a few talents deserving of a better stage.

11. AFC Shale
Colours Jade and navy
Nickname the Grafters
Manager Jasper Harlin (54)
Key Players Vicki Bassett (GK, 30), Olivia Ryghseter (RB, 29), Jack Bufford (CB, 34), Barry Inkster (CB, 27), Marc Fenton (LB, 31), Cheney Corder (RM, 32), Xavier Barron (CM, 21), Artur Litton (LM, 30), Bernhard Duisberg (ST, 31)
Summary Shale's heads risked dipping beneath the waterline last season, but a few desperate signings such as the cautious fullback Ryghseter should lift them a little. But their best players are distinctly aging.

12. Stonegrave
Colours Sky and black
Nickname the Diggers
Manager Alysia Garrett (54)
Key Players Meg Owley (RB, 34), Maximian Trent (CB, 32), Patrik Alphonse (CB, 22), Verdigris Kennet (LB, 31), Ira Dovaston (DM, 28), Casper Jeavons (RM, 33), Celeste Colton (CM, 32), Micah Horner (CM, 29), Stefan Curtiz (LM, 20), Chloe Lehrer (ST, 30)
Summary No Peril, no party. Mercurial winger Whiteside has left for Chromatika, but the rest of the side has largely strengthened. Alphonse, loaned from Crisisbless United, adds freshness to one of the tightest defences in the league, so expect much the same results but even duller fare.

13. Falston United
Colours White and black
Nickname the Eels
Manager Alaric Jansen (47)
Key Players Rasmus Garrick (GK, 25, CYI), Sapphire Riverhound (RB, 32), Sherry Brosnan (CB, 21, CYI), Jade Heller (RM, 32, CYI), Raphael Passlach (CM, 30), Cornucopia Younis (AM, 33), Esther Fortune (ST, 31, CYI)
Summary The system of plucking what passes for the talent of the Ceynes league continues to pay dividends for a young, vibrant Falston side. They're still consolidating, but looking to push up.

14. Coret Rovers
Colours Blue and white
Nickname the Rovers
Manager Valery Cain (44)
Key Players Brandon Fallowland (GK, 27), Parvana Evans (RB, 34, ISK), Dave Chenoweth (CB, 32), Robyn Cormack (CB, 24), Barrett Routledge (LB, 32), Alastair Spinnett (RM, 30), Bosko Roman (DM, 32, IRN), Erik Paston (CM, 28), Luther Spendthrift (LM, 31), Rodger Covington (ST, 34, ETN), Haroun Maynard (ST, 28)
Summary One of many vintage-looking sides at this level, Coret have looked to freshen up in the window to try and rejuvenate for a push up the table. They're still a cycle away, though.

15. The Hanged Man
Colours Red and black
Nickname THM
Manager Warren Orwell (61)
Key Players Olivia Selkie (GK, 35), Marcel Evans (RB, 30), Mia Geoghan (CB, 31), Ranulf Gatcan (CB, 30), Nikola Stavros (RM, 22), Callum Chandler (CM, 33), Fotoula Madonis (CM, 32), Jackie Mulberry (LM, 32), Jonas Busch (ST, 32)
Summary Antique striker Djite did the job and kept a markedly improved THM up. Retired now, of course, replaced by Busch. Old age and treachery will have to do the job again, but what happens in another two years when pretty much all are gone? They'll worry about it when it happens.

16. Extreme Hills
Colours Orange and black
Nickname the Hounds
Manager Jess Hearn (44)
Key Players Julian Alderweiss (GK, 30), Stefan Oughtred (RB, 28), Arthur Levitt (CB, 32, ETN), Magdalena Spiro (LB, 30), Gavin Handspiker (CM, 31), Stefan Ermine (LM, 28), Nori Harcutt (ST, 31), Ivor Roxham (ST, 30)
Summary The price of punching above their weight last season was losing their manager, Durran, to the Saints. Still, the Hounds' new generation is beginning to come through.

17. Boltcroft Thorns
Colours Green and black
Nickname the Thorns
Manager Miron Campbell (51)
Key Players Baltasar Gensch (GK, 34), Henrik Raubell (RB, 33), Exene Fletcher (CM, 19), Anders Haskell (LM, 25), Apotheosis Kaskanis (ST, 35)
Summary Not quite living up to their potential at the moment, but survival remains a victory. Clever midfielder Fletcher has been a revelation in preseason, one of many exciting players but fairly uncommon in being hand-reared, not a cast-off.

18. Gosmouth Swans
Colours White and blue
Nickname the Swans
Manager Lukas Farrell (50)
Key Players Dalibor Redcliff (GK, 23), Hilda Stannion (CM, 33), Ygor Raspas (LB, 30), Hawke Ziegenhorn (ST, 26, CEN)
Summary Gosmouth will be fine with ease if mercurial Ziegenhorn (not the good one, his inferior brother) can finally throw off the shackles and live up to his potential. Last year was a very encouraging start, with 20 goals and just a glimmer of discontent behind the scenes.

19. Lazuli Diamonds
Colours Yellow and blue
Nickname the Diamonds
Manager Flavellio Spalaflaccio (49, AUD)
Key Players Dave Cassen (GK, 33), Alanna Clemens (CB, 26), Isla Leskosek (RM, 20), Kosta Nisoitis (CM, 27), Sharon Kitteman (LM, 34), Niko Boldman (ST, 35), Romeo Varrick (ST, 28)
Summary Weirdly subdued last season, but the defence held up to scrutiny. Clemens is an exceptional purchase to fortify further; they've recruited well generally. But can their ex-Stars strike partners keep up the threat?

20. Ballardine FC
Colours Purple and white
Nickname the Harpers
Manager Lyn Havelock (51)
Key Players Selina Carver (GK, 22), Gabriel Bragg (CB, 24), Matthias Vasquez (RW, 26), Tigran Montague (AM, 26, ISK), Melody Forster (ST, 27)
Summary Endured a difficult season, but a fresh new generation of players will look to clean the slate.

21. Autumnstone
Colours Red and yellow
Nickname the Archers
Manager Kurtis Mallory (54)
Key Players Barst Huebner (CB, 29), Andrea Mavrias (CB, 21), Mari Brighton (DM, 20), Tess Pell (RW, 33), Masquerade Bryson (ST, 34)
Summary Autumnstone have tried to climb up the leagues the right way, promising youth rather than experience. They've had to be a little more pragmatic, but do Bryson and Pell still have what it takes? And is shaking up last season's very successful forward line the right idea?

22. Martella Jazz
Colours White and green
Nickname Jazz
Manager Rose Fenwick (49)
Key Players Tosca Cordyn (RB, 23), Jacqueline Mastiff (CB, 21), Cheney Masters (CM, 20), Jasper Stalworth (LM, 31), Hansel Fortesquire (ST, 30)
Summary Won 2Div at a canter last season but have barely strengthened. This will prove a tough test for a young and emerging side, particularly their back line.

23. Southriver
Colours Black and sky
Nickname the Rusalki
Manager Christian Fleck (57)
Key Players Dane Rednic (CB, 31), John Reinhardt (CB, 22), Simone Waehner (LB, 33), Cyrus Saebener (CM, 34), Jess Mittelberg (LM, 27), Ismael Hauer (ST, 29)
Summary Comfortably safe last season, but key players are, well, a year older now. It will be another mountain to climb for Fleck amidst a strong cluster of promoted sides.

24. Crossroads Town
Colours White and red
Nickname the Valiants
Manager Leon Magdalene (45)
Key Players Kieron Schmetter (CB, 23), Casper Slate (LB, 23), Olwen North (CM, 21), Ismael Volga (LM, 24), Alanna Halmark (ST, 33)
Summary Their best player in Iordanou retired, and the rest don't quite look up to scratch. There will be talents here that better sides pick up after they get relegated.

Third Division
Rochford Pilgrims look like favourites to get promoted, but the young club is already making a name for itself for fumbling seemingly sure things. Of those recently relegated, Brokenarch look the most intact bet to come straight back up, but an extensive rebuild at Sheridan might just pay dividends for a proud club. At the other end, freshly-promoted Crownsend Journey and Cranequin Souths have the air of ambition around them, while Rushe United still smell a little of carrion.

by **Nephara** » Fri Feb 21, 2020 1:25 am

Markers set down in a broadly cagey opening weekend, the obvious exception being Corvistone cleaning out Vermillion 5-1. Changes have been staggering in the offseason, and yet it’s largely old names on the scoresheet, stalwarts like Morham, enterprising rightback Wynder, and ‘the’ Baba Warrington with a brace and a flourish as he dances through defenders. Cralt-Nirlo Fox’s expression curdles on the sidelines as Warrington bows mockingly towards the thinning crowd of away fans at 4-0. A well struck free kick from Fleetwood at least makes it 4-1, but Rachel Arniston comes off the bench, replacing captain and compatriot Morham, and soon afterwards squirrels clear of two markers to slide home a cross from Almwood. Predictably, headlines focus on this being a passing of the baton.

The usual quirk of the fixture calculator sees the four newly-promoted sides visit established outfits, and three of them scrape 1-1 draws. Cranequin Wanderers are the exception, trying to control the affair against Brinemouth. It’s a brave effort but quickly falls flat, Kesteren and Tidesson score in the first half-hour, capitalising on errors in possession; the Wanderers switch to a containment strategy, too late to be of use. Crisisbless host Treason in a cagey affair, the vaunted league debut of Damion Bowman being fairly muted in the end. But Crisisbless do dominate the centre of park, just fail to turn it into chances, and fail to turn those chances into goals. Treason are clinical at the other end, but not quite enough - Na’Kefir faces three shots on target and makes three brilliant saves, clearing the way for Stride to let Bowman behind her just once, clip his heels and give away a penalty for Abylon to blast past Clavel.

Despite how wretched last season was for the Saints, they’re technically on a run of three wins on the spin; their last league match, the Cup and the Shield, with an aggregate score of 7-0. Any thought of that form continuing is extinguished as their sluggish midfield is out-thought by Goodfeather’s, they’re choked out of possession and goals from Dransfeld and Godwin steal a deserved 2-1 win at the death. River have a far better start, despite the forbidding task of taking on touted Iron in Barossia - they smash their teeth in 3-0 with free-flowing football and a magnificent performance from Robyn Sabitzer, who looks a cut above the level. Beth Garrick substitutes herself off in her first match in charge after she’s culpable for Cranequin City’s goal, and gets to see from the sidelines as Kikumi Kondou stabs home the leveller at the other end.

Newrook lost one of last year’s starting centre-halves to retirement and the other to Sabrefell Athletic, who now come calling with perhaps the world’s best strike partnership. Unsurprisingly, Ens and Tarala wreak merry havoc on the makeshift Nkembe, talked out of retirement, and Mikael Acland, a three-star kind of player. Two assists and a goal for Ens, two goals and an assist for Tarala, and a free kick from Gere that slips through Iarrow’s hands on its way over the wall and into the net for good measure. Thorn Tristram netting one back for Newrook from rightback is little consolation - he’s basically the only Newrook player with anything to shout about.

Cranequin are other big winners, and Jerrell Drake’s cautious master plan means that all too often the Chariots are stuck passing into dead lanes, and all too often just run into them regardless, cough up turnovers and concede. Despite a convincing 3-0 scoreline, the Wanderers have some trouble with penetration from open play; their goals come from two free kicks, one direct from Riaz and the other glanced home by Viere, and a penalty won by canny wingback Treeswallow and slotted home by Butcher. Still, the Chariots barely get a sniff. South Laithland choke out Belgrave and win 1-0 when Habane flicks to Bergander, who heads back for her to drive home at the far post, while Cypher get steamrolled by the Cathal Turner show after a strong first half. Crisisbless United have two wins without conceding after taking out Southfell, no sign of a second-year slump under Maitfield, while Starling are yet to score or get a goal as they’re outfought by Corvistone, unable to capitalise on the few chances they get past a disciplined defence and fall asleep as Baba Warrington chests down a cross from Ulreich, takes it smoothly past the glacial Visser and smashes it into the top of the net.

This is going to be a long season for Locksley. Already fairly conclusively beaten by Vermillion Wanderers, they have higher hopes to get a result at similarly freshly-promoted West Brinemouth… and don’t. Chambers puts them up 1-0 within six minutes with a thumping header, then Martyn with a half-volley either side of a brace of Geist tap-ins… and it’s 4-0 by half-time. 5-0 by the hour, when a corner from Martyn is cleared by nobody and swept home by centre-half Castanon. River’s excellent start is undermined as Brookford play them off the park, Sloane Walsh with the first hat-trick of the season and Provost with some sharp saves to respectively salve losses at either side of the pitch. Chardonnay’s slow start continues, beaten by a sturdy Gonen’s Bridge - did they let too much of a good team go? But then, Bridge were shredded themselves. Nobody could accuse Kanerva Herron of being shredded, but the bulky striker gets both Bridge’s goals.

Belgrave manager Adalheid Metzelder has been in typical form upon reaching the promised land, saying things like “Someday I will destroy this league” and “This is the year that the Premiership learns to respect genius”, but the fact is that they’re tipped by basically everyone for relegation. Maybe fewer, now. They visit a dour Creed sidde and make them look horribly dated and out of pace, the slick passing and clever movement of Premiership newcomers Steward and Katsura running rings in the gap between Creed’s banks of four. A slack touch from Beckner is pounced on by Steward and given to Katsura to slam into the stanchion from well outside the box, but when Taani scraps home a leveller against the run of play, heads could easily drop. They don’t. Belgrave are more dominant still in the second half and tidy finishes from Strand, Sloan and Vasiliadis ensure a commanding margin of victory.

The Treason derby seems to lack its usual bite, Treason gliding to victory without really having to to battle for it. Permissive goalkeeping from Nova Williams helps, Accardi curling a strike between her arm and body at her near post, Jonsson with the killer late on. Chatswood’s key striker signing, Esmond Moore, mostly just lumps around the park like an expensive maidenhead, just looking pitiably below the pace. Brinemouth pulverise Vermillion 5-0 as Blackthorn goes with two up front and is rewarded as Saitou and Kuznetsov just punch through the lines again and again, and the double pivot of Reeve and Conjure continues to impress. Crisisbless’ 1-0 defeat to the Moths is the kind of match where you wonder how much not buying a world-class striker will cost them, as Laiota misses three presentable chances while Cathal Turner smashes home his first for the Moths from a deadly acute angle, sheer force and placement beating Na’Kefir at the near post, slamming against the far and bouncing narrowly in. The Harriers beat an uninspired Starling by the same scoreline, Whittaker following up a spectacular solo goal by leaping into the fans, burying himself in adulation, finally getting extracted after a full minute and facing a second caution. Despite forty minutes to make something of the man advantage, the Passerines just can’t stretch Fyona Matthews or the defence ahead of her.

Vermillion Wanderers appear to have what it takes, if you’re looking for ugly wins. They’re scrapping them, day after day, most recently against a resilient West Brinemouth side clinging desperately to an ugly goal off a long throw. Bohr stabs home a corner at the other end and the Wanderers just keep pushing for the clincher, through the centre and Pinnon at first, before bombarding them with crosses at the end. Young gun Kalevi hits the decisive one, Terrano needs to come for it and doesn’t, Saara gladly storms it home. Cranequin City don’t even mount a shot on target against Brookford, kept at arm’s length all game; Dejana Petersen dusts off the cobwebs and comes off the bench to smash home a screamer for the Otters’ late winner.

Starling and Brinemouth have been the talk of the league so far, very much for opposite reasons. Brinemouth have crushed everyone in their path, nine unanswered goals; Starling are on three 1-0 defeats in a row. Gareth Blackthorn stays the course while Lisa Amos desperately switches up her strategy, putting Roebling and Netzach behind Dostalok in a tree formation to try and exert control over midfield and seemingly telling everyone to run rabidly at the opponent at all times. It works. For half an hour, the Dockers’ attempts to play the ball through the middle are stymied by feverish pressing, and just as Starling think they’ve halted the tide, a deft passing move from Conjure to Kesteren to Kuznetsov who has the presence of mind to slide the ball across for Tidesson to thump home the opener… it’s a cruel game. Most of the time Kuznetsov would be happy just to thump it into Visser’s face. But that seemingly just pushes the Passerines on, and a deft passing sequence of their own leads to Varina Roebling driving home from the corner of the box, before Roebling sets up Dostalok, and Katarec makes it 3-1 from leftback. Iori Saitou comes off the bench and makes it interesting again after the hour mark with a diving header that left nobody with any chance, but a thumping strike from Roxel can only be parried by Bull, and substitute Nevaeh Cathar is there to drive home the rebound and kill off the game.

Athletic face Corvistone after both have made impressive starts to the season. Hadrian Belfast’s new-look side have pressed with relentless drive and pace, and make absolutely no attempt at caution here. It worked against Starling. It works again, after braving an early flurry - Acatha Feldman’s twice called into action and once found wanting, beaten at her near post by Gere and only the quick action of Olexander Green hooks the spilled ball off the line. But a beautiful cross from Catley is nodded home by the Baba and it’s 1-0, easy as that; 2-0 when Ulreich does the same thing from the other flank. Westerveld hits a post before Tarala pulls one back on the stroke of half-time, and again Athletic ease into the ascendancy in the second half… before keeper Gautier’s lack of pace is caught out, a perfectly placed release from Arniston letting Warrington nip out ahead and complete his hat-trick. North Laithland go blow-for-blow with Crisisbless United as their former playmaker, Lukas Antelmi, scores and is later sent off for a brutal two-footed lunge; it winds out 3-3 when United, a man down, still find a way through as Kaelin’s beautiful low curled cross is stabbed home by Tamba on the other flank, while South Laithland keep up the pace with a third straight win, stolen late in injury time over Creed, as the normally-reliable Senninger fumbles and Michail capitalises.

City flare into life, Hakan Gryspos slotting home his first three goals of the season with his only three shots of the game against a simply porous Locksley. The Brewers are just… not good, fairly obviously, already. Stahlburg against Iron is precisely the kind of dour contest one expects, perhaps the standout moment being late on, with Iron leading through satyr defender Mizia Thuun thumping home an unchallenged corner, when Stahlburg look to be breaking free the other end… and Spicer just cleans out Radcliffe from behind, knee raised. A teeth goes flying, and Spicer does at least have the courtesy to find and retrieve it before accepting his marching orders.

South Laithland and Treason have history. For one, it’s the most rural side in the league against their nearby big city rivals; for another, Treason have a long and proud tradition of taking the Southrons’ best players. But seventeen minutes in, without much having really happened, Habane skims past Stride and centres for Treason product Matthias Bergander, who bulldozes Vornander, takes a rather clumsy first touch on the shin before stretching and scooping the ball over Clavel. Not celebrating, he evidently decides, is for losers; he races the length of the away end, alternately shushing and kissing his badge. That seems to just get Treason mad, though stuns them for a while. It takes them ‘til first-half injury time to get a ball, Metzger seizing on some uncertain pinball defending, before the Stags come back revitalised in the second half to dominate play and, through McInnes and Jonsson, kill off the game.

Starling bury Cranequin after a laboured first half, doing something to address their terrible early form. The Christmas tree formation appears to have the Wanderers’ number and Varina Roebling may have made her breakthrough, scoring and laying on an assist for Netzach in a 3-0 win, though it could have been a very, very different game if Imrishka Grahn hadn’t contrived to miss from two, three yards on the stroke of half-time, no markers within a metre. Vermillion look to throw off the shackles against a defensive Leichhardt side, taking an early lead through a rare Erinys Hart goal before the flying winger wins them a twentieth-minute penalty, sent flying by Somner. Konse steps up… and a penalty too close to the centre is clawed clear by Adekoya, and everything just goes wrong from there. Leichhardt’s first shot on target from Paterson is tipped around the post by Ramelow for a first corner, and that corner, from Loxton, is swept assertively home by the burly defender Korkut. Vermillion collapse, and in the second half, Ernie Stevenson’s brace kills them off.

The Lara Dixon experience hasn’t exactly hit the ground running. Iron, hosting Bridge, dominate the ball but just seem at a loss for what to do with it, Palina Leopold occasionally running down channels but getting overcome by tunnel vision, Xandra Vermouth getting into good positions but butchering her chances. They don’t get a goal against weak opposition and, worse, when young leftback Malura Seitz is tossed around like a ragdoll in their box by Ilsander, who really should know better, Joanson buries the spot-kick. At the second attempt - the first is pulled back after Hornwood saves but springs about a metre off his line to do so. Morningstar striker Ballista Meade scores the opener against Mantlegrove, does a somersault in celebration, buckles, collapses and gets stretchered off. That’s a medium-term one, and a painful loss, though they do at least clinch the win on the day.

Treason against Creed has plenty of narrative klaxons blaring. Ballard and Senninger back home, et cetera, all the big talking points used last season. Eighteen minutes in, Accardi - formerly of Creed, in turn - is sent tumbling by Lyre Castor, struggling to adapt to not quite being as fast as she used to be, Metzger plants the penalty, lashes it high and hard… and Senninger goes flying, tips it over and around the posts! Senninger’s the hero twice more in the first half, and that gives Taani the oxygen to batter through an unnerved Treason defence and get her head on the end of a Kolaj cross. Not to worry, Metzger atones on the stroke of half-time, Creed should crumble, right? Nope. Or, they start to - but they just about hold up, and Svenja Baste follows up a brilliant hooked tackle with a bullet header off a corner not two minutes later. Conrad and Barbarouses finish the job with piledrivers from outside the box - Conrad’s heavily deflected, Barbarouses’ beautifully clean - with a gloss that Bittencourt bitches about, saying “2-1 would be defeat, 3-1 would be an aberration, 4-1 is gonna mean headlines.”

This is a day for thrashings across the board. The Moths dismantle Belgrave with sickening ease, Metzelder’s optimistic high line penetrated time and time again and Connell, a couple of times, found wanting between the posts. Twice, beaten a touch too easily by shots; once, a little more damning for a reliably progressive goalkeeper, caught being too clever and simply getting thumped by Solara Vol, who rolls the ball bemused into the unguarded net. Keynes’ consolation is the pick of the bunch, but the Moths thoroughly deserved the win. The Crisisbless derby is brutally one-sided as well, United getting pummeled in the centre of the park and Kurtis Laiota with a well-taken brace in the 4-0 slaughter to belatedly get off the mark for the season. Corvistone crush Cypher by the same scoreline, though Warrington is apoplectic - Hadrian Belfast dares rest the Baba? His backup, Mithradates, gets on the scoresheet in his first start, and it’s a near perfect performance in the first real test of the Crows’ depth. Oddly, Cypher manager Henrick Barden acts affronted by the rotation after the match, as if he hadn’t just been smashed against the rocks.

Barring matches against Locksley - battered 4-0 by a Carsley-inspired Stahlburg - Cranequin City have conceded precisely one goal in every game and won none of them. Today, they’re edged 1-0 by River, Ruby Gjasula leading a merry dance of three or four defenders, drawing out Ledo and chipping the only goal over him. Chenoworth lay down a marker with a 3-0 demolition of Rochford, and they still have time for goalkeeper Anders Rowett to forget where he is, get caught out and sharply save from Wynona Rampart… outside his box. A move that had former goalkeeper Chris Waller shaking his head, of course. Out of subs, Sabrina Patton makes the remarkable hat-trick of one goal, one assist and one save, a rather pedestrian header from Scharnberg deep into injury time. Bridge pick off a Brookford side in hot form through a corner scuffed home by Korve, as new goalkeeper Catapan does his best to keep the departed Fyona Matthews out of the fans’ minds.

Eyes are already turning to a surprise six-pointer at the bottom of the table. Chatswood have two points and two goals so far; Newrook, just the one, and only a single pathetic goal from the first six games. Reports are starting to seep out from either camp that Leigh Fletcher’s hardline methods are grating after years, and Rainer Hildebrandt’s similarly hardline methods … after a couple of months? Predictably, it is not a good game. It is a fascinatingly poor game, Newrook having absolutely no width or variety in attack, Chatswood just having nothing, with Andrea Prentice’s alarming backslide in form resulting in her being hooked 57 minutes in. Just six minutes later, Minka Bronson gets the only goal of the game - Cressida Voeller, who is at least lively, dipping ahead of Vollath to snatch a pass from her feet and driving a searching ball forward, Bronson rushing past Bischoff and curling past Williams from just outside the box. In injury time, Chatswood winger Conleth should surely have given Esmond Moore the chance to level it, but shoots from an acute angle instead of centring, and Iarrow snaffles it with ease. But then, with Moore clearly shorn of confidence, would he have just skied it anyway? He still waits for his first Premiership goal, and Chatswood for their first win of the season.

By contrast, the North Sabrefell derby is always likely to prove good value, and doesn’t disappoint. The Gargoyles have impressed, if not quite achieved the results they would have hoped, while North Sabrefell’s physical and mental resilience has kept them clawing desperately-needed points on the board. This match, then, goes to type. Belgrave have 74% possession by the 20th minute, and by finally getting on the scoresheet, Katsura bursting from nowhere down the middle to find and convert a pinpoint diagonal ball from Steward (a clearly well-rehearsed maneuvre), and it’s 2-0 by the break through leftback Russett’s piledriver… but then a pair of inelegant tap-ins from Simone Cheney put them level by the hour. Strand puts Belgrave back in the lead, Nils Armbruster chests home a free kick from Laramee in injury time. South Laithland’s strong opening to the season gets a little more gloss, Habane with the only goal of the game against a Moths side that huff and puff but just can’t blow the house down, Brinemouth midfielder Mercedes Reeve does her former club North Laithland a solid by getting her legs twisted up and scoring an equalising own goal, deftly converting a Kendall cross with her ankle, while Corvistone just can’t quite keep up with Crisisbless in a surprising top-of-the-table clash, fortunate to be in the game at 1-1 and thankful for Feldman between the posts by ninety minutes, but Laiota’s shithousery clearing a path for Woakes to set up Bowman for a dramatic late Heelers winner.

Through pace and power, Vermillion wipe the floor with a tepid Cranequin City, simply overrunning their area and playing through and over them with ease, an absolute volleyed screamer from Catric Pinnon getting them started before the usual bombardment of crosses - Saara, Kovaleski and Saara again - before Chantal Kalevi gets one of her own, cannily slipping through in possession and stabbing insolently between Ledo’s feet. 5-0 by the hour, and somewhat disappointingly, 5-0 it stays. Manager Seneca Matthews criticises the ‘drop-off in effort; we should have made it seven or eight’. Gonen’s Bridge’s visit to Locksley should be a relegation six-pointer; instead, a 6-1 annihilation of Locksley and everything they stand for cements Bridge in the promotion places. A dysfunctional Parrhesia get wasted 4-1 by Chenoworth Rovers, while Morningstar get destroyed 3-0 by Brookford without landing a punch in anger, save the literal one a frustrated Carney lays on Sloane Walsh late on.

Oh, God. Heads drop around Stahlburg. Shock pervades Ludd’s Hammer. And not the exultant home fans, or their players. The Smiths took on their hated rivals, the Stags… and three minutes in, Orsay slipped clear (somehow? The centre-half isn’t exactly stealthy) at a corner to thrash home at the near post, nine minutes in a screamer from Brujah. Thirty-three, Rauch pulverises Brujah - already booked, she gets a straight red anyway, studs having left the ground. 43rd minute, Henry swivels inside and flicks an insolent pass diagonally across the heart of the defence, making the Treason defence look like morons as Shi walks the ball into an empty net. 76, Bittencourt gets sent off for the touchline for another sign that this year is bringing a bitchy streak from him; 79, Neimi Tschauner finishes the job with a genuine screamer. Stahlburg City climb to fourth; beneath only a bulletproof Crisisbless, who beat the Harriers, Corvistone who fire past Coret, and the Moths, who edge Creed. South Laithland beat North Sabrefell to overtake them, and with Brinemouth and Athletic as expected, they round out the top eight that Treason aren’t in. Neither are Starling - toothlessly beaten by Aries Chariots (1-0 again!) they languish in the bottom half of th etable.

It isn’t long into the season, but Belgrave manager Adalheid Metzelder has already proclaimed herself a genius after goalscoring substitutes Aura Keynes (returning from an inconvenient injury) and Cohen Alexander (who is tall, and,) turn the game around against Newrook City, leaving the Rooks mired in second-last and looking, uh, genuinely fucking abysmal. Worse still, their 3-2 defeat represents half the goals they’ve scored all season. Tom Duffy is yet to get off the mark. The rest of the one-win club round out the bottom four; Leichhardt try to cling to a 2-0 half-time lead and partially weather the storm to take a point at the Barbarossa against Athletic while Cypher’s bravery goes unrewarded, beaten 1-0 by Brinemouth. Chatswood are lucky only to be beaten 2-1 by Crisisbless United, who should really have buried them if not for careless finishing. Ivana Henderson buries a penalty on the hour mark - she has three goals, the entire rest of the Axes have precisely zero between them.

It’s congested at the top, but already some sides are excelling themselves. Chenoworth Rovers go toe-to-toe with Vermillion, and it’s a match played at a vicious pace; goals for forwards Meisler and Saara, young wingers Kalevi and Koerner, a second caution for Hartley and a straight red for Zihark, before Koerner skips past a missed tackle from Karling and hooks a wicked low cross for Patton to smash home. The Rovers, then, the only unbeaten side, with the other Rovers close behind after bruising past River to a 2-1 win, overtaking them in the process. Bridge are there too, puzzlingly, Kanerva Herron chesting home the only goal of the game against a tepid West Brinemouth. The Otthers, River, Wanderers, Diamondqueen and Armstrong are all in the chase; Iron will be disappointed to have fallen away, and Cranequin are nowhere near.

There’s a couple curiosities towards the bottom. Parrhesia are among them, 2-0 after 90 minutes against Dartmouth Terriers, 2-2 by full time. Mantlegrove, too, mount a late comeback against a stumbling Serpentine to break a run of six straight defeats… but they’re still winless, as are Crisisbless Athletic, but Locksley finally get off the board as Marika Kreisburg finally scores her first goal of the season, converting under the pressure of a hand on her collar seemingly through sheer spite to take down Morningstar. Who aren’t doing so hot, themselves. Alliance, beaten comfortably by Cranequin at home, round out the bottom four.

TALKING POINTS
Corinthians No Longer are on top of the roost, though they are fresh off a 2-1 upset against Ballardine. A win streak of six included wins over serious promotion rivals, too; starting with a 4-0 away cruising over the Strongest that may prove to define both their seasons. Predictably, Ulrike Jensen has powered her way to seven goals already and sits atop the scoring charts, having a combination of athleticism and finishing touch that’s proving impossible to hold back.

Peregrine are hot on the chase despite a recent setback of their own; the colossus Risdon in goal seems unbeatable, and they’ve conceded just four. And yet, for all that, Sylvia Janik doesn’t quite seem at the peak of her powers as a striker who once dominated at this level. Did last season’s travails just… break her?

Falston United’s impressive run has been in large part due to their… well, their actual local brigade, often honed in the Ceynes Super League. Rasmus Garrick has impressed as a rare young goalkeeper in a league of veterans, Sherry Brosnan has really stood out as a defensive bulwark, while striker Esther Fortune appears to be having something of a renaissance at 31, putting her international experience to good use.

The Strongest have been largely terrible, with sort-of inexperienced manager Markus Horst preaching the values of the process. Or is it just a big sea change going from working with Liam Armstrong to Nathan Proctor? Their first five matches saw them either win with a clean sheet or lose without scoring, but now they’ve graduated to just plain having a bad defence, conceding nine in five.

Crossroads Town are probably already screwed. It just… isn’t working for them, and they’ve lost all their matches so far. They have some threats to goal, Halmark is an okay striker and all, Olwen North deserves a shot at 1Div... but they’ve already leaked 26 goals. Even on matchday 6, which saw no fewer than five scoreless draws and two 1-0 wins, they were bodied 6-2 by Ritter, Morten Crestwell notching a hat-trick.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              8  7  0  1  14   3  +11  21
  2 AFC Corvistone           8  6  1  1  21   8  +13  19
  3 Sabrefell Moths          8  6  1  1  16   7   +9  19
  4 Stahlburg City           8  5  2  1  14   4  +10  17
  5 Brinemouth               8  5  1  2  15   7   +8  16
  6 South Laithland          8  5  1  2   9   7   +2  16
  7 Sabrefell Athletic       8  4  3  1  17  13   +4  15
  8 North Sabrefell          8  4  2  2  12  10   +2  14
  9 AFC Treason              8  4  1  3  13  11   +2  13
 10 Southfell United         8  3  3  2  11  10   +1  12
 11 Coret Hawks              8  3  2  3  14  12   +2  11
 12 Crisisbless United       8  3  2  3   9  13   -4  11
 13 Starling                 8  3  1  4  10   8   +2  10
 14 North Laithland          8  2  4  2  11  10   +1  10
 15 Cranequin Wanderers      8  3  1  4   9  12   -3  10
 16 Chenoworth Harriers      8  2  2  4  12  14   -2   8
 17 Belgrave                 8  2  2  4  13  19   -6   8
 18 Creed United             8  2  1  5   9  13   -4   7
 19 Aries Chariots           8  2  1  5   6  13   -7   7
 20 Vermillion Rage          8  2  1  5  10  22  -12   7
 21 Leichhardt               8  1  3  4   8  12   -4   6
 22 Cypher Town              8  1  2  5   7  15   -8   5
 23 Newrook City             8  1  1  6   4  14  -10   4
 24 Chatswood                8  0  2  6   3  10   -7   2

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Rovers         8  7  1  0  18   5  +13  22
  2 Stahlburg Rovers          8  6  1  1  17   4  +13  19
  3 Gonen's Bridge            8  6  1  1  14   8   +6  19
  4 Brookford Otters          8  6  0  2  16   5  +11  18
  5 Raven River               8  6  0  2  15   9   +6  18
  6 Vermillion Wanderers      8  5  1  2  19  11   +8  16
  7 Diamondqueen              8  5  0  3  15   8   +7  15
  8 Armstrong                 8  4  3  1   8   5   +3  15
  9 Goodfeather FC            8  3  3  2  11   9   +2  12
 10 Iron City                 8  3  3  2   7   7   +0  12
 11 Corvette Maulers          8  2  5  1   9   7   +2  11
 12 AFC Rochford              8  3  2  3   7   9   -2  11
 13 Cranequin City            8  2  3  3   9  10   -1   9
 14 Dartmouth Terriers        8  2  3  3   9  11   -2   9
 15 Chardonnay Rangers        8  2  3  3   8  11   -3   9
 16 West Brinemouth           8  2  2  4   9  10   -1   8
 17 AFC Serpentine            8  1  5  2  10  12   -2   8
 18 Bishop                    8  2  1  5   7  10   -3   7
 19 Parrhesia United          8  1  3  4  12  17   -5   6
 20 Morningstar               8  1  3  4   4  10   -6   6
 21 Alliance Barossia         8  2  0  6   8  16   -8   6
 22 Crisisbless Athletic      8  0  3  5   9  14   -5   3
 23 Locksley                  8  1  0  7   6  29  -23   3
 24 Mantlegrove               8  0  2  6   5  15  -10   2

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corinthians No Longer      8  6  1  1  18   5  +13  19
  2 Peregrine                  8  5  2  1  14   4  +10  17
  3 Barossia United            8  4  2  2  11   6   +5  14
  4 Falston United             8  4  2  2  11   7   +4  14
  5 The Hanged Man             8  4  2  2   9   5   +4  14
  6 Boltcroft Thorns           8  4  2  2  14  13   +1  14
  7 Greygate                   8  3  4  1  16  11   +5  13
  8 Extreme Hills              8  4  1  3  10   8   +2  13
  9 Hackett                    8  2  5  1  13  11   +2  11
 10 Riverkey                   8  2  5  1   7   5   +2  11
 11 Aries Solitaire            8  3  2  3   8   8   +0  11
 12 AFC Shale                  8  3  2  3   8   9   -1  11
 13 Pillars of Southfell       8  2  4  2   6   5   +1  10
 14 Stonegrave                 8  2  4  2   5   7   -2  10
 15 Lazuli Diamonds            8  3  1  4   7  12   -5  10
 16 Martella Jazz              8  2  3  3  14  11   +3   9
 17 Ballardine FC              8  2  3  3  12  13   -1   9
 18 Ritter Town                8  2  3  3  14  16   -2   9
 19 Southriver                 8  2  3  3   8  13   -5   9
 20 The Strongest              8  3  0  5  11  18   -7   9
 21 Autumnstone                8  2  2  4  15  18   -3   8
 22 Gosmouth Swans             8  1  4  3   6  10   -4   7
 23 Coret Rovers               8  0  5  3   7  11   -4   5
 24 Crossroads Town            8  0  0  8   8  26  -18   0

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                         P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
  1 Iron United                  8  7  0  1  15   7  +8  21
  2 Ingram Township              8  5  2  1  12   6  +6  17
  3 Kommissar                    8  5  1  2  19  10  +9  16
  4 Strephonage                  8  5  1  2   9   8  +1  16
  5 Kensey Town                  8  4  3  1  14   8  +6  15
  6 Mapleford                    8  4  2  2  12   6  +6  14
  7 East Laithland Harriers      8  4  2  2  17  14  +3  14
  8 Hartford Glade               8  4  1  3  13  11  +2  13
  9 Sheridan                     8  4  1  3   9   8  +1  13
 10 Brokenarch                   8  3  3  2  12  10  +2  12
 11 Caldwick Strand              8  3  2  3  11   9  +2  11
 12 Downsparrow                  8  2  4  2  13  14  -1  10
 13 Cranequin Souths             8  2  4  2  13  15  -2  10
 14 West Hook                    8  3  1  4   7  11  -4  10
 15 Brindleton                   8  2  3  3  13  11  +2   9
 16 Ox River United              8  2  3  3   7   7  +0   9
 17 Rochford Pilgrims            8  2  2  4  17  17  +0   8
 18 Fully Sick XI                8  2  2  4   7  12  -5   8
 19 Crownsend Journey            8  2  2  4   8  14  -6   8
 20 South Parrhesia              8  2  2  4  16  24  -8   8
 21 Sutcroft                     8  2  1  5  13  19  -6   7
 22 Brunyard FC                  8  0  5  3  11  15  -4   5
 23 Rushe United                 8  1  2  5  12  17  -5   5
 24 Riverkey Shells              8  0  3  5  10  17  -7   3

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                    P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
  1 Lindmark Falcons        8  6  0  2  15   6  +9  18
  2 Lockheed Zenith         8  5  1  2  14   7  +7  16
  3 FC Seierstad            8  4  4  0  12   7  +5  16
  4 AFC Hellerine           8  4  2  2  14   9  +5  14
  5 Ringway                 8  4  2  2  11   9  +2  14
  6 Grovebank               8  4  1  3  12   7  +5  13
  7 Sleetwell Rangers       8  3  3  2  12  12  +0  12
  8 Stonesthrow Town        8  3  3  2   7   7  +0  12
  9 AFC Feuerweiss          8  3  2  3  12  11  +1  11
 10 Fenland Albion          8  3  2  3   9   8  +1  11
 11 Sutcroft Athletic       8  3  2  3   8   8  +0  11
 12 AFC Mittelmarch         8  2  4  2   4   4  +0  10
 13 Chenoworth Teutons      8  2  3  3   5   8  -3   9
 14 Harrington              8  2  3  3   9  16  -7   9
 15 Iberia Chenoworth       8  2  2  4  11  14  -3   8
 16 Courser                 8  2  2  4   6  11  -5   8
 17 Boleyn Town             8  0  7  1   9  11  -2   7
 18 Sirencall FC            8  1  4  3   6   8  -2   7
 19 Besand's Folly          8  1  2  5   9  14  -5   5
 20 Fischer                 8  1  1  6   5  13  -8   4

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
  1 AFC Volksgarten           8  5  2  1  14   7  +7  17
  2 New Oakstone Phoenix      8  5  1  2  16   7  +9  16
  3 Constance Park            8  5  1  2   9   6  +3  16
  4 Latin Enclave FC          8  4  2  2  20  15  +5  14
  5 Longwinter                8  3  4  1  14  11  +3  13
  6 Twelvetrees               8  4  1  3  12  11  +1  13
  7 Corvistone City           8  4  1  3   9   8  +1  13
  8 Long Lake                 8  4  1  3   9   9  +0  13
  9 Rookwall                  8  4  0  4   9  11  -2  12
 10 Bodkin Road               8  3  2  3  16  14  +2  11
 11 Northside Eagles          8  3  2  3  13  12  +1  11
 12 Aries Tigers              8  3  2  3  13  13  +0  11
 13 Brookford Vantablack      8  3  2  3   8   9  -1  11
 14 Blaze                     8  3  1  4  11  15  -4  10
 15 Markoni                   8  2  3  3  11  11  +0   9
 16 Barhara Cavaliers         8  2  3  3  14  16  -2   9
 17 The Travellers FC         8  1  3  4   5   9  -4   6
 18 Gridlock                  8  1  3  4   5  10  -5   6
 19 AFC Burchess              8  1  3  4   7  13  -6   6
 20 AFC Davenport             8  1  1  6  10  18  -8   4

by **Nephara** » Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:48 am

Crisisbless visit Brinemouth looking to protect their lead at the top, and find their way to an early lead when Mercurio Kastriot, in an advanced position, rips the ball out from Evelyn Conjure’s feet and arrows it across into Damion Bowman’s path, a beautiful pass met with a rather scuffed finish that owes some of its lethal trajectory to Ilyana Brosch’s thigh. They follow it up with a second in quick succession - or do they? No, Woakes’ goal is called back since it was enabled largely by Laiota putting Bull in a camel clutch, and though Woakes does it all over again for it to count on the stroke of half-time there’s a sense of the lead being somewhat… artificial. Still, all they have to do is not concede within a minute to Desya Kuznetsov-- oh, shit. Well, all they have to do is hold out- but that becomes a desperate mission when Kastriot goes from hero to zero, horribly mistiming a challenge and crunching wetly into Franz Kesteren’s knee. Kesteren can continue; fellow Sabrefolk Kastriot cannot, receiving his marching orders. Maeve Bronte replaces Woakes and pulls out a brilliant defensive performance to stem the bleeding, but the man advantage pays off in injury time, the Heelers just short of a man to stop Bryger Tidesson cutting violently inside and lashing a brutal strike into the top corner in injury time.

Bottom of the table Chatswood have little hope against Corvistone and are duly put to the sword 3-1 and, holy shit, the Crows are top? Elsewhere in Treason, the Stags have one of their characteristic poor performances, a grinding match where nothing quite seems to work against the Moths but they very nearly scrape a draw regardless. In such circumstances, Swansea Reach adopts a shoot on sight policy and does, in the 83rd minute, finally bury a screamer past an unsighted Clavel. Starling’s season goes from bad to worse, genuinely outplayed by a Southfell side who unhook them with pace time and again, Anselm and Gundersen taking turns to set up the lethal Lyzolda Petrov. Maybe the Passerines should have bought her instead? Certainly, Nevaeh Cathar does little in her cameo to suggest she isn’t a spent force at the top. Newrook perhaps start to recover with a hard-earned 2-0 win over South Laithland in Dross, while Athletic put six past Vermillion.

All four promoted sides get turned over at home without scoring. Okay, so for Locksley that’s no surprise, well-beaten by Bishop, already the reeking stench of carrion overhead, but… the Gulls losing to Morningstar without even troubling Jakob Carter in goal? That should be concerning. Diana Lake just isn’t quite getting the job done as a creative fulcrum, used to a slightly deeper role with Belgrave, but that role’s being occupied by Martyn. For Stars, Holland just drills across for the maligned Daskalakis to drive home the goal of the game in the 72nd minute from basically nowhere. Crisisbless Athletic come unstuck predictably against a slick Diamondqueen, but Rochford collapse completely against Chardonnay, offering all the resistance of a flan against a sledgehammer in a 4-0 thrashing.

What… happened, in Newrook? Abysmal for pretty much the first eight matches, recovering with a win last match, and now… ? Creed United go down in a hail of bullets, Fasolt Senninger left exposed time and again, the match’s pattern established just thirteen minutes in as Minka Bronson jinks all too easily past Beckner, jerks past the flying Baste - whose studs get caught in the turf, and she winds up getting stretchered off in the aftermath - to roll across for Tom Duffy, who suddenly makes it seem like the easiest thing in the world to nonchalantly curl a shot across Senninger. As if the seven-million pound man hadn’t been scoreless all season, or a direct replacement for a legitimate club hero in Maladict Farrell. Best part is? He notches up another two in the second half, one with his right and the other with his head, a perfect hat-trick garnished by a screamer from Voeller that, bluntly, Senninger should have kept out. Diandra Ballard insists his performance was flawless post match, which is inexplicable until it’s over and one realises she spent the entire time talking about her goalkeeper and no time talking about what a fucking travesty her club’s performance was.

The Crows’ lead at the top extends; their 2-0 win over Belgrave is straightforward, early goals from Ulreich and Warrington before just efficiently shutting up shop, and my, hasn’t Olexander Green stepped up to replace Ilyana Brosch so well? The Moths stall against Stahlburg, Cathal Turner semi-redeeming a poor match with a thunderous equaliser late on that Prant-Telew, cruelly, after an exceptional match, let slip through their hands. Crisisbless also come unstuck against Cranequin Wanderers, just getting bogged down in the centre of the park and having no actual penetration. The exceptional Shona Butcher sets up a goal for the glacial powerhouse Viere before having a wayward shot carom off Villanueva’s face and screw over the line past a wrong-footed Na’Kefir, a farcical winner after a composed performance. Athletic and Starling share the spoils as a blundered Reinhardt pass lets Dostalok ram home a late leveller, a scissor kick from Ernie Stevenson is the one moment of inspiration from the Stargazers that sinks Cypher, while calls intensify for Chatswood boss Leigh Fletcher’s head after a scoreless draw in Chenoworth means they remain winless.

The Beth Garrick Experience is over; after a dire 1-1 draw at home against Crisisbless Athletic, the winless Mantlegrove player-manager is informed she is now just a player, a decision she accepts gracefully if not without disappointment. “Well, it was a nice idea,” she tells the press in the aftermath. Was it really, though? The general mediocrity of Branko Kurz causes an Armstrong debut for 6’7” teenager Gareth Pawnbroker, who duly chests down and batters home a cross from Hope like it’s the easiest thing in the world, the only goal of the game against an Iron side struggling to click. The Rangers and Saints trade blows, four different Rangers scorers outpacing Ann Reus’ unsupported hat-trick. Mixu Durran’s team look good fun, if not exactly promotion contenders. Stahlburg Rovers put two past Alliance, get Marcia Sable sent off for a needless second caution, and score twice more in the last half-hour anyway.

A pretty wretched opening set of results. Olympia FC dominate Sabrefell Athletic in every single way, shape, form… it’s 4-0 by the end, ugly viewing, and absolutely no mitigating circumstances. Brinemouth are quietly efficient in taking down Black Hawks, the sole Nepharim goalscorers of the day, but the Moths just fall totally flat in Wanda Island. The Stags are greeted by a familiar face in Servet Misidjan, whose dominant midfield performance for the Knights shows that maybe she should never have been sold in the first place; at the other end, goals from Konrad Gosforth and Jack Jevđenijević get the job done.

Belgrave’s form has taken a worrying turn for the worse lately, and all the attractive football in the world doesn’t matter if you make basic defensive errors time after time, letting a mediocre Harriers side smash holes everywhere in your back line. They go a straightforward 4-4-2 and just go direct, bypassing midfield, trusting things to happen through the mobility and danger of Sagittarius Wright up front - a hat-trick ensues in a 4-2 rout. Certainly, the Gargoyles have a show in them. Katsura has some flicks, Steward knows some tricks, and Strand can find the goal when givens chances. But defensively they’re wide, wide open. Metzelder, of course, insists that her side were the better team and were robbed off the points by scandalous refereeing - she’s slapped with a one-match ban by the NFA, and will miss an unforgiving trip to Brinemouth.

Elsewhere… uhhhhh… ? The Chariots demolish the Moths 5-0 in a game that both managers admit is an aberration. Certainly the Chariots deserved victory, but they had 52% possession, took seven shots, put five on target and Griffin didn’t make a save. Largely because the finishes gave him no chance, though a couple of times, one wonders… well, he’ll be 35 by the end of the season. At the other end, Marietta Briggs makes eight saves, sometimes spectacular. Vermillion Rage go some way to redeeming recent poor form by smacking Cypher aside in a 3-0 win, Cralt-Nirlo Fox rolling the dice and coming up with good results. Cypher just don’t seem up to the fight anymore. Corvistone dig deep to find a late winner from an unlikely source, a desperate Spahi Keskin hitting and hoping from a loose ball late on and finding the bottom corner past Hartmuth to beat South Laithland 2-1, cementing his place in the heart of the fans - his hometown club Crisisbless keep up the pace by brushing aside Leichhardt despite conceding from a set piece five minutes in.

Only three teams score more than once in a mostly cagey weekend, though once is enough for Mantlegrove, who turn to a new face in Daniel Archer rather than a proven firefighter and manage to make the most of it, Kikumi Kondou’s goal enough to beat a toothless Rochford on Archer’s 44th birthday. Chenoworth Rovers confidently sweep Chardonnay aside 2-0, a dominant showing from Minka Forrest showing Rochford what they missed by letting her go for just two million. Parrhesia lead Diamondqueen at the break 1-0 and somehow lose 4-1, and River top the lot, crushing Bishop 6-0 as they just take hold of midfield and refuse, terrier-like, to let go.

As usual, for anything but true football tragics (or, well, actual fans of fourth- or fifth-tier clubs), there’s little to be gleaned from the first round of the Cup save for big scorelines. Fortunately, there’s a standout there - Markoni get dumpstered 9-0 by Mapleford on their own turf, the difference between part-time and full-time players brutally exposed by the promotion-chasing Third Division side. Sheridan also show their stuff, hammering Conference side Ringway 5-0; their manager says, bullishly, that it’s the first First Round tie in their history and it will be their last. It’s the first First Round tie for the promoted state league sides, too - two from five win, Lindmark Falcons beat Fenland 1-0, rising as the once-relevant Albion fall, Latin Enclave crushing Crownsend Journey 3-0 away.

Creed take the trip to the capital to be shown precisely what they’re missing, in the form of Spahi Keskin. Corvistone’s athletic holding midfielder duly gets himself a minor injury in training, but that’s okay. There’s more than enough in the Crows’ locker to put an end to the Oathmen. In midfield, Barbarouses and Beckner lack grunt and authority, while Corvistone’s stand-in Lekea does the job of silencing them. On the wings, Wynder and Almwood hold the line against the dangerous Creed wingers, Almwood in particular effortlessly keeping Conway out of the game. And up front, Baba Warrington converts his first shot, sweeping home a neat through-ball from Catley, before a piledriver from Morham crashes against the crossbar only to be followed in by countrywoman Arniston. The hulking Heston makes it 3-0 by forty minutes, crashing home a corner from Ulreich, and … honestly, Creed’s one-note play is just ruthlessly exposed by a multi-layered, superior opponent. At least there’s respect between the managers, both teammates in the same era for the Cormorants.

The Bohemians find a new way to give away a penalty when, already one down to the Moths, Clinton is bulldozed and beaten by Vol, desperately claws out at her and manages to yank her hard by the tail. It doesn’t work out so well, as Vol converts the penalty herself in a 3-0 Moths win. Athletic and the Chariots loathe one another, but neither can get on the scoresheet, too busy thumping one another in the middle of the park. It’s a good day for Chariots’ goalkeeper Briggs, though, who has to pounce quickly more than once on the interplay between Ens and Tarala. Belgrave go down swinging in a 4-2 defeat to Brinemouth that still leaves the viewer with the sense that the Dockers never really needed to enter top gear.

Another day, another brace for Istria Saara - the Wanderers striker has simply mastered the art of looming in good positions, easily found by Kalevi or Zihark from the wings. Corvette just can’t touch her, though a dipping strike from Betancourt makes the game look closer than it is. There’s another headed brace in Crisisbless, for Bishop centre-half Zoltan Moser. Bluntly, the Bishops should bury Cranequin City, but their poor finishing and Ledo’s excellent goalkeeping mean they have to rely on the big defender to do the job for them. The final brace of the day belongs to Corona Sharpe, though it could have been more. Five minutes in against an in-form Bridge, Vivienne Morgan shows a bit of leg to draw a penalty from Unworth, but Sharpe’s is too near the centre, beaten away by Catapan - by the half, Bridge lead through Olenna Salthouse’s deflected piledriver. But the experienced poacher comes good in the second half, flashing two finishes across Catapan from unfavourable narrow angles.

Things go from bad to worse for Athletic, who are cold-cocked 1-0 by a disciplined Tani on home soil. Fortunately, the other three Nepharim sides only have to play Brenecians. For Brinemouth, that means a brush with Tana Colbright, who was a goalkeeper of some renown for them. Her Stallions prove a resilient outfit, difficult to shake and near impossible to kill off. Only Tidesson converts any of a litany of chances, before a slick move on the break sees Stallions leftback Deimne Watermark dip inside and rifle the leveller past Bull. The Moths bulldoze Rozelle, hot property Julia Mueller opening the scoreline but overshadowed by four goals at the other end, while Treason’s brutal physicality edges Kingsgrove off two elegantly-worked set plays, though they had largely kept the Royals at bay bar a true screamer from Penhallow.

Who wins between form and pedigree? Often, a side full of talented players - or more effectively, a tight-knit squad used to fighting as a team - can pull out a result on days they play badly and suddenly get back into form. But that doesn’t happen this time. As the Crows visit Treason, Krista Morham slides in a ruthlessly clever ball for Catley to make it 1-0 within ninety-three seconds of the game starting. And that’s fitting - Malia Yonen’s late run into the box is finished with a powerful header from Almwood to make it 3-0 in the ninety-third minute, with the irrepressible Warrington scoring in between. Treason just don’t look entirely… right, and it’s not just that Metzger’s actually being caught offside rather than hovering on the brink. The squad, it seems, is jaded, and maybe some players (not naming any names, Rauch) stepped up beyond their natural level last season and have regressed aggressively since.

The Chariots do what they’ve been recently doing, crushing North Sabrefell 5-0, leaving them for dead in a dizzying hail of passes. Giselher Ruskin has been on fire of late, crushing people with power, pace and poise down the left, showing again why he was so valued a few years back. North Laithland, for their part, manage a crushing 4-1 win over Athletic that owes much to their young, vibrant midfield. Beltrame and Asquith each manage a goal and an assist, and anchor man Ettori between them is a bulwark. Chatswood, meanwhile, really, really, really need to pick up points. Ivana Henderson holds back three Leichhardt defenders to find a layoff for Prentice to drill underneath Adekoya at close range, but Chatswood never really look comfortable, and a driving header from Klempner gives the Stargazers a point that is the least they deserve. Enough is enough. Leigh Fletcher is given the axe in her sixth season with the club - a successful spell on aggregate, but still winless at this stage… ?

Few expected a depleted Bridge to keep up their good form, but few expected a fundamentally solid side to just… collapse in Vermillion. What’s surprising, too, is that it’s not even like the Wanderers just did their one move - no, they had other strings to their bow. Pinnon scores a free kick and sets up Kovaleski with a brilliant through-ball. Saara thumps an arcing shot past Catapan under insufficient pressure. Zihark converts a diving far-post header, and leftback Lithe Bronwyne gets her first Wanderers goal with a swerving effort from distance that Catapan misjudges. Dartmouth Terriers scrape a draw against Diamondqueen in injury time, when goalkeeper Stefan Heidenreich comes up for a final corner and manages to awkwardly swipe at it after a deflection, continuing to help it on for Gabriel Haines to thump home.

Let it not be said that Chatswood are slow to act. But then, let it not be said, either, that they are particularly inspired. They see Armstrong’s improbable promotion challenge and they act, grabbing their 51-year old manager Warner Dranz - someone accustomed to making a dour western outfit tick, having conceded a league-low six goals this season. Not a sexy choice. Or, is he? Esmond Moore is given the nod after having been dropped the last few games and, belatedly, gets his first goal. It’s an inelegant thing, following the precarious bouncing ball before thumping it into the net past Ramelow, whose form has been in question. Certainly it’s questioned when Severa Conleth beats her at her near post. Allison Swan nets a free kick before putting another into Danica Heward’s path to put the Rage back, undeserved in Chatswood’s mind - the balance of play is restored to the sheet when Prentice makes it 3-2 on the verge of half-time with a swerving strike, the livewire Conleth and jet-heeled Porter trading blows in the second half to secure an electrifying win for Chatswood and make things look rather grim for the Rage.

Fyona Matthews, Harriers’ goalkeeper, is anything but a model of consistency. Sometimes that means coughing up easy goals, sometimes it means a genuine blinder, nothing the Stags do getting past her. She flies, pillar to post, with a seemingly superhuman agility; at the other end, Corsica Greene bursts down the line to get on the end of a long ball from Kou and drag it back for Sigrun Rivers to drive home the game’s only goal. Coret, armed with an embittered Cesar Corvalan, come calling for Starling - the Cenian striker nets twice against his long-time former club, showing no bones at all about celebrating in an emphatic 4-1 win. Another returning long-timer is Cypher’s Andrea Bereveskos, who scores direct from a corner six minutes in against Sabrefell Athletic. Pity is, Cypher aren’t good, and Tarala, Gere and Westerveld hit back harder, a deflected strike from McCosgraigh making things interesting late on but rarely threatening the win. The Moths wipe the floor with Crisisbless United in a 5-0 win while Aries have now scored twelve without reply in their last four games after a 2-0 win over the Spiders.

Corvette manager Stefan Crowton is left clutching at straws after his Maulers throw away a 2-1 lead at half-time to lose 4-2 to a Diamondqueen side that are cruising by the end, a gift from goalkeeper Taurus Rhind letting Lyritzis level before Hestia Bowman and Carina Taheri drive home killer blows from range. Crowton insists, “any finish between 5th and 20th may as well be the same,” which sure is one way to try and keep ahold of a job. Crisisbless Athletic edge out West Brinemouth through first-half goals from Kaskanis and Coen, but Geist drags the Gulls back in late before Mason draws a penalty. Up steps Martyn… but her effort is well saved by Qatintiki. But wait! The Fleftic international had leapt well off her line. It’s retaken. No matter - Qatintiki just saves it again, and with it the three points.

Athletic’s League is all but over. But if it had to happen, let it be like this - a virtuoso performance from Vatan Ersetin to the point where, as the Timur is taken off at eighty-seven minute with the score already 5-2, the away fans rise to applaud him. Really, though, Athletic didn’t help by being a defensive shambles. Can Coltrane still cover his tracks? It’s relatively smooth going for the others, though - goals from Tidesson and Deventer get the job done for Brinemouth against Virtus, the Moths beat Bezieres with young striker Catheline Garand scoring her first international goal. Treason chase Kippal relentlessly, and there’s a sense of inevitability to the goal, the slightest moment of panic in the box seized upon by Metzger. The Cosmos deserved at least a point, though - it’s one of those games where both sides left feeling aggrieved.

Oh, Lord. Well, humiliatingly, Nephara gets to be represented in international competition by actual meme club Parrhesia United. Viltvodle absolutely play better from a team perspective, pressing hard and effectively, Luk and Peikola dominating the centre of the park while being outnumbered. Nin Prantist, a striker with a point to prove, marks a crisply-taken brace. The difference, though, is the Saints just have that little bit of individual quality… a brilliant screamer from Rosborough equalises Prantist's first goal, while a beautiful heel-flick from Telviir lets Barota loft an instinctive first-touch finish over Gnau for the leveller.

“This is happening.” We know it’s happening because Hadrian Belfast said it, to all the press, after strikes from Catley and Yonen overturn Cathal Turner’s opener and steal a 2-1 win against the Moths in Sabrefell. It’s deserved, too, and with Athletic edging Crisisbless 2-1 thanks to a late hammerblow from Tarala, that gives the Crows a five-point lead at the top and 31 games to defend it. What else is deserved, and what else is somehow unsurprising, is Brinemouth easing past the twitching corpse of the 75 Stags. 2-0 at the Gauntlet in what is hardly a classic Classic. Five of those six clubs are the current top five; Treason are 13th. Stahlburg City can only draw with the Harriers, but have still only lost once thus far, while Coret and North Laithland look best-placed to compete for the top seven as things stand.

“This is my world, and you’re all just living in it.” Adalheid Metzelder’s Belgrave have been anything other than defensively sharp - indeed between them, going into a match against Vermillion, the sides have conceded a combined 71 goals. And yet, Belgrave keep their composure, grab a goal through Casey Steward’s wriggling run and deft finish and, somehow, keep a clean sheet. To leave Vermillion mired, somehow, in the bottom three, and let Belgrave leap out of it. Leichhardt also make a desperately-needed stride, beating a backsliding South Laithland 2-0, while Creed and a thriving Cranequin share the spoils. North Sabrefell, now in the playoff place, are outplayed at home by Crisisbless United; Chatswood understandably stall at Starling, while Cypher, at the very foot of the table, just can’t do a job against the Spiders.

It’s looking good for Central Sabrefell at this early juncture, River still top by three points despite being disappointingly held by Athletic, Diamondqueen in hot pursuit following a routine 2-0 win over Chardonnay. Brookford, perhaps surprisingly, are third, having seemingly been anything but consistent in recent years, but an experienced defence and young crop of youth appear to be working well together - they overhaul both sets of Rovers, after a late winner from substitute Anja Spinnett steals the points in Chenoworth and leaves Stahlburg clinging to fourth. Vermillion Wanderers manage a dull win over Morningstar to stay in the hunt, while Armstrong looked a lot better before new manager Reece Benedict could only guide the team to consecutive defeats. Bridge, despite recently backsliding form and a home draw against Bishop, remain an unlikely eighth.

While Morningstar and Cranequin City convince themselves they’re too good to go down, they at least have a point a game to their names. Stars’ ten goals are the equal-fewest in the division, though. Dartmouth, following a chastening 3-0 defeat to Iron City, aren’t doing too hot with just two wins thus far, a point above Crisisbless and, mystifyingly, the Saints. Yes, Parrhesia only have twelve points thus far, hover above the danger zone on goal difference, and are fresh off handing Locksley just their fourth point of the season. Mixu Durran’s future hangs by a thread, and is promptly snipped as the sharp-dressed, flamboyant Emeka Obasi steps up. If anyone has the strength of personality to overturn this listing ship, it's him. Alliance have four wins, more than City in 17th, but no draws to their name, and langush in the playoff place on goal difference. Mantlegrove and the Gulls lie beneath them, and Locksley look doomed already. They’ve conceded 47 goals already, somehow.

The Saints look more confident and, bluntly, competent when on home soil, and a deft early finish from Ann Reus sets the tone for a far breezier occasion. This time, Telviir, Shotbolt and Rosborough do manage to clamp down the midfield, Christian Serjeant manages to role-play like he’s the Christian Serjeant of five years ago and Fohler finishes them off late on.

TALKING POINTS
Barossia united look to have momentum on their side in the chase for the top, Dorian Brindle’s side matching youth with experience for a winning formula. Unlike the recent trend for 2Div sides to be bogged down by the availability of Homecoming journeymen, he recognises the value in letting his young guns shine, and 22-year old playmaker Lysander Ciman - occupying the only real free role in a conservative side - looks a cut above.

Jess Hearn has made a strong start to her management career with Extreme Hills who are mounting an unlikely promotion push. Strangely enough, her willingness to ditch old and bad players like Handspiker and Spiro and actually do what the Hounds do best and promote new blood is paying dividends. They’ve had the occasional collapse, losing 4-1 to Peregrine at home, but overturning a 2-0 half-time deficit to beat Greygate shows there’s steel in this side.

Ritter Town winger Catheline Blissett is a moonlighting singer, shouldn’t quit her day job. Partially because she isn’t very good at singing, but mostly because she might be in line for a more lucrative footballing career down the line. Bought for a song in the offseason from Kensey, Blissett’s been the lively bright spark in what is otherwise yet another disappointing year for the Stallions.

Crossroads Town have escaped the mire with an almost comical new manager bounce. They lost their first nine games, brought in Davina Hutch after a hapless 3-0 home defeat to Extreme Hills, and haven’t lost since. Mostly, the defence just looks in good shape, and 21-year old Olwen North has suddenly become an all-action superhero from her nominal position in a double pivot.

Coret Rovers could be the next club to axe their manager, with young Valery Cain’s head on the chopping block as a recently 1Div side battles relegation. But goals from Haroun Maynard and Robyn Cormack - and sharp saves from Brendan Fallowland - gave them a priceless win in Southriver that probably saved Cain’s job for the time being. Still, just two points split 20th and 24th, and just four split 17th from bottom, so it’s still very even thus far.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Corvistone           15  12  2   1  38  13  +25  38
  2 Brinemouth               15  10  3   2  31  13  +18  33
  3 Crisisbless              15  10  2   3  26  11  +15  32
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       15   8  5   2  35  24  +11  29
  5 Sabrefell Moths          15   9  2   4  29  18  +11  29
  6 Stahlburg City           15   7  7   1  21   9  +12  28
  7 Coret Hawks              15   7  4   4  29  20   +9  25
  8 North Laithland          15   7  4   4  21  15   +6  25
  9 Southfell United         15   6  4   5  24  21   +3  22
 10 Starling                 15   6  3   6  22  19   +3  21
 11 Cranequin Wanderers      15   6  3   6  17  19   -2  21
 12 Aries Chariots           15   5  5   5  22  17   +5  20
 13 AFC Treason              15   6  2   7  19  19   +0  20
 14 Crisisbless United       15   5  5   5  15  23   -8  20
 15 Chenoworth Harriers      15   4  6   5  20  20   +0  18
 16 Newrook City             15   5  3   7  16  20   -4  18
 17 South Laithland          15   5  3   7  13  18   -5  18
 18 Leichhardt               15   4  4   7  14  21   -7  16
 19 Creed United             15   4  3   8  13  25  -12  15
 20 Belgrave                 15   4  2   9  20  32  -12  14
 21 North Sabrefell          15   4  2   9  14  27  -13  14
 22 Vermillion Rage          15   3  1  11  19  40  -21  10
 23 Chatswood                15   1  5   9  10  22  -12   8
 24 Cypher Town              15   1  2  12  12  34  -22   5

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Raven River               15  11  2   2  30  14  +16  35
  2 Diamondqueen              15  10  2   3  29  13  +16  32
  3 Brookford Otters          15  10  2   3  25  11  +14  32
  4 Stahlburg Rovers          15   9  4   2  31  13  +18  31
  5 Chenoworth Rovers         15   9  4   2  25  10  +15  31
  6 Vermillion Wanderers      15   9  3   3  33  18  +15  30
  7 Armstrong                 15   8  3   4  16   9   +7  27
  8 Gonen's Bridge            15   7  4   4  19  19   +0  25
  9 Goodfeather FC            15   6  5   4  21  18   +3  23
 10 AFC Serpentine            15   5  7   3  20  17   +3  22
 11 Corvette Maulers          15   5  7   3  20  18   +2  22
 12 Iron City                 15   5  6   4  15  13   +2  21
 13 Chardonnay Rangers        15   6  3   6  22  23   -1  21
 14 AFC Rochford              15   5  3   7  14  17   -3  18
 15 Bishop                    15   5  3   7  16  21   -5  18
 16 Morningstar               15   4  4   7  10  16   -6  16
 17 Cranequin City            15   3  6   6  16  20   -4  15
 18 Dartmouth Terriers        15   2  7   6  13  21   -8  13
 19 Crisisbless Athletic      15   2  6   7  20  24   -4  12
 20 Parrhesia United          15   2  6   7  21  30   -9  12
 21 Alliance Barossia         15   4  0  11  12  26  -14  12
 22 Mantlegrove               15   2  5   8  10  20  -10  11
 23 West Brinemouth           15   2  3  10  11  21  -10   9
 24 Locksley                  15   1  1  13  10  47  -37   4

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corinthians No Longer      15 10  2  3  29  11  +18  32
  2 Barossia United            15  9  4  2  30  13  +17  31
  3 Peregrine                  15  9  3  3  30  15  +15  30
  4 Falston United             15  8  3  4  17  13   +4  27
  5 Extreme Hills              15  8  1  6  26  20   +6  25
  6 Greygate                   15  7  4  4  26  20   +6  25
  7 AFC Shale                  15  7  4  4  18  14   +4  25
  8 The Strongest              15  7  3  5  31  27   +4  24
  9 The Hanged Man             15  6  4  5  15  14   +1  22
 10 Aries Solitaire            15  6  3  6  19  21   -2  21
 11 Boltcroft Thorns           15  6  3  6  25  28   -3  21
 12 Pillars of Southfell       15  5  5  5  18  13   +5  20
 13 Hackett                    15  4  8  3  23  20   +3  20
 14 Stonegrave                 15  5  5  5  11  14   -3  20
 15 Riverkey                   15  4  7  4  16  13   +3  19
 16 Ritter Town                15  5  4  6  21  22   -1  19
 17 Martella Jazz              15  4  4  7  24  28   -4  16
 18 Southriver                 15  4  4  7  14  23   -9  16
 19 Lazuli Diamonds            15  5  1  9  13  24  -11  16
 20 Gosmouth Swans             15  3  5  7  13  17   -4  14
 21 Crossroads Town            15  4  2  9  16  32  -16  14
 22 Ballardine FC              15  3  4  8  21  34  -13  13
 23 Coret Rovers               15  2  6  7  18  26   -8  12
 24 Autumnstone                15  3  3  9  23  35  -12  12

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sheridan                     15  9  3  3  22  10  +12  30
  2 East Laithland Harriers      15  9  2  4  27  19   +8  29
  3 Ingram Township              15  9  2  4  19  13   +6  29
  4 Mapleford                    15  8  4  3  25  12  +13  28
  5 Iron United                  15  7  4  4  22  17   +5  25
  6 Brokenarch                   15  7  4  4  19  14   +5  25
  7 Strephonage                  15  7  4  4  20  16   +4  25
  8 Kensey Town                  15  7  4  4  23  20   +3  25
  9 Kommissar                    15  7  3  5  30  17  +13  24
 10 Crownsend Journey            15  7  3  5  24  24   +0  24
 11 Ox River United              15  6  3  6  15  14   +1  21
 12 Brindleton                   15  5  5  5  20  16   +4  20
 13 Rochford Pilgrims            15  6  2  7  28  28   +0  20
 14 Hartford Glade               15  5  5  5  21  23   -2  20
 15 Riverkey Shells              15  5  3  7  22  24   -2  18
 16 Cranequin Souths             15  4  6  5  22  26   -4  18
 17 West Hook                    15  5  3  7  13  18   -5  18
 18 South Parrhesia              15  4  5  6  28  36   -8  17
 19 Sutcroft                     15  5  1  9  22  29   -7  16
 20 Caldwick Strand              15  3  6  6  17  19   -2  15
 21 Fully Sick XI                15  4  3  8  17  25   -8  15
 22 Rushe United                 15  3  3  9  27  37  -10  12
 23 Downsparrow                  15  2  5  8  14  25  -11  11
 24 Brunyard FC                  15  2  5  8  21  36  -15  11

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lindmark Falcons        15  11  0  4  26  12  +14  33
  2 Lockheed Zenith         15   9  3  3  29  14  +15  30
  3 FC Seierstad            15   8  5  2  29  16  +13  29
  4 Ringway                 15   8  3  4  20  15   +5  27
  5 AFC Hellerine           15   6  5  4  22  17   +5  23
  6 Grovebank               15   6  3  6  17  13   +4  21
  7 Sirencall FC            15   5  6  4  17  15   +2  21
  8 Harrington              15   6  3  6  19  26   -7  21
  9 Stonesthrow Town        15   5  5  5  12  13   -1  20
 10 Iberia Chenoworth       15   5  4  6  24  25   -1  19
 11 Sutcroft Athletic       15   5  4  6  13  14   -1  19
 12 Chenoworth Teutons      15   5  4  6  15  17   -2  19
 13 AFC Feuerweiss          15   5  3  7  18  21   -3  18
 14 Sleetwell Rangers       15   4  6  5  17  21   -4  18
 15 Besand's Folly          15   5  3  7  20  25   -5  18
 16 AFC Mittelmarch         15   3  7  5   9  12   -3  16
 17 Boleyn Town             15   3  7  5  15  22   -7  16
 18 Fenland Albion          15   4  2  9  13  19   -6  14
 19 Courser                 15   3  5  7  13  20   -7  14
 20 Fischer                 15   4  2  9  12  23  -11  14

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Constance Park            15  8  4  3  20  12   +8  28
  2 Rookwall                  15  9  1  5  22  17   +5  28
  3 Twelvetrees               15  9  1  5  19  15   +4  28
  4 New Oakstone Phoenix      15  8  3  4  27  13  +14  27
  5 AFC Volksgarten           15  8  2  5  25  16   +9  26
  6 Northside Eagles          15  8  2  5  27  20   +7  26
  7 Longwinter                15  6  6  3  25  18   +7  24
  8 Brookford Vantablack      15  7  3  5  25  19   +6  24
  9 Corvistone City           15  6  5  4  13  11   +2  23
 10 Long Lake                 15  7  2  6  17  16   +1  23
 11 Latin Enclave FC          15  6  4  5  31  25   +6  22
 12 Aries Tigers              15  5  4  6  21  23   -2  19
 13 Bodkin Road               15  5  3  7  25  26   -1  18
 14 The Travellers FC         15  5  3  7  15  16   -1  18
 15 Blaze                     15  5  2  8  22  38  -16  17
 16 Barhara Cavaliers         15  4  4  7  20  29   -9  16
 17 Markoni                   15  3  5  7  18  24   -6  14
 18 AFC Burchess              15  3  4  8  13  23  -10  13
 19 Gridlock                  15  3  4  8   7  20  -13  13
 20 AFC Davenport             15  3  2 10  18  29  -11  11

by **Nephara** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 2:22 am

Intriguing clashes as everyone outside the Premiership gets their shot. And yet the most convincing win of the day is from a fourth-tier side against a fifth, Caldwick Strand just blowing Feuerweiss away, cantering to a 9-0 scoreline. Downsparrow distract themselves from a relegation dogfight to pile on a 7-0 slaughter of Long Lake, while FC Seierstad’s Conference West promotion push gets shown some humility, Hackett showing them just how far there is to go as they come out to a 6-0 win away. Chenoworth Rovers’ visit to Vermillion Wanderers is easily the strongest bout of this, pretty much the toughest draw possible, but Chris Waller picks a weakened side that duly gets turned over 4-1. “It was chastening, it showed some of the young lads just how much further there is to go until they’re ready,” he said after the game, spinning it into a parable. Corvette stall out against THM, West Brinemouth are outplayed by CNL, Goodfeather’s glass jaw is shown up by Boltcroft Thorns before a defeat on penalties, Cranequin City can’t get it done against Rochford, while Serpentine’s flat performance sees them well beaten by a confident Brookford.

A stumble at the top. As football fans bicker about whether the Crows maybe doing a Starling is good because it staves off the death of modern football, or if it is bad because it is a fake club that epitomises modern football, they host a Bohemians side that don’t really have a lot going for them. Mezei Orban is still playing with one hand tied behind his back - he has the players for the system he wants, but they’re worse players. But, crucially, Laramee and Maersk remain. Victoria Maersk immediately catches the eye, counterpressing the Crows’ midfield and more than matching their physicality, and it’s little surprise to see her turn that industry into a beautiful little flick over the top of the defence. Garrett Norwood gets on the end of it and cracks a shot on target, Feldman beats it away, but Laramee glides onto the end of it to drive home the opener. The Crows panic, and Paige Daunten is deeply pressured at the other end, but the finishing touch isn’t quite there… until Mytti Numenen comes on for the Bohemians. He’s been fairly gently eased into the frame thus far - this is his first league appearance for over fifteen minutes - and he rewards the faith with a darting run inside, a deft one-two with Cheney, and blasting a killer blow past Feldman.

The chasing pack draws close - Brinemouth with a hugely convincing 4-0 win over Stahlburg, passing through low block and press like neither was there, Crisisbless putting five past North Laithland’s Stovar Krieven as Kurtis Laiota has his personal game of the season, taking the game by the scruff. At the opposite end of the table, Henrick Barden tries a more open approach against Aries and is rewarded, the Chariots not really seeming to expect an assault. A Christmas tree formation with Bereveskos and McCosgraigh behind Rooke. It’s a nice idea. But there’s not the structure behind them to quite make it work, though they’ll take the point after a cutting drive from Bereveskos gives them a 3-3 draw. Leichhardt’s win over Creed is a dire affair, but perhaps made worth the price of admission by the only goal of the game, an overhead kick from Ernie Stevenson hit beautifully clean to sail by Senninger.

Bridge are a good team full of flawed parts, and one of them, Augustine Catapan, has already picked up a cute name. Specifically, ‘the Statue’ - and the reason why is exposed brutally against a Goodfeather side that excels in quick, precise pass-and-move football, Catapan’s resolute refusal to leave his line under any circumstance leaving him rooted in more ways than one as Leitner orchestrates ways to exploit Mizumaru and Godwin’s pace. Parrhesia’s win over West Brinemouth, featuring a composed defensive midfeld performance from Annika Miller and a lethal strike from Ilia Mueller, should not be a six-pointer, and yet it is. Crisisbless Athletic fans are left in outrage as a blatantly offside Harriet Skiff drifts onto an overhit pass from Muur and cuts inside for Hakan Gryspos to convert the winner. Skiff tries to talk post-match about how she definitely thought she was in line, but breaks kayfabe with guffawing laughter through her hands as her apologetic PR guy tries to drag her away from the cameras.

Athletic finally get their first points of the campaign, an impressive injury-enforced appearance from winger Thisbe Rouvas capped with the only goal of the game, though it seems that both Athletic and Jinja will already be stuck fighting for third. Brinemouth make fairly short work of Virtus, Iori Saitou leading the line with aplomb and burnishing his case for more regular minutes, while the Moths leave it late before sparky substitute Ysabet Belgrade’s pinpoint cross is just stretched to and tapped home by fellow substitute Joan Vickers, a bit-player by 34 but still with worth, it seems. Treason and Keppal are drawn into a brutally uncompromising shootout, neither goalkeeper exactly excelling. The draw is a fair result, but the Stags in particular will be kicking themselves.

The Sword of Damocles hangs over Vermillion, with cunning Qusmi manager Cralt-Nirlo surely kept in the job only by virtue of past glories. Their reluctance to shuffle the pack isn’t helping - but then, what options do they have? Versatile forward Ursa Kinbois is given her first start of the season on the right wing, and fortunately for her, Lyre Castor is injured. Rudolph Orient is decent, unambitious… 31. And Melosa Salek offers overlapping runs. The two of them pluck up an understanding and between them, drive the momentum behind a 2-0 half-time lead over fellow strugglers Creed United. But United have their own lethal winger, and for all Salek’s forward runs she doesn’t do the best job tracking back. Operating in that space, Retta Conrad sets up a brilliant looping cross over the top for Joel Conway to drive home unmarked at the other post, before a clever interplay with the powerful glacier Taani sees her flick a neat one-two and stroke the return pass beyond a stranded Ramelow. A decent point for Creed - are Vermillion really too good to go down? “No,” says Cralt-Nirlo Fox, grimly. Oh.

Are the Crows already getting vertigo? The Rooks are looking better of late, and defensively especially hold out well against Corvistone’s attack - the 1.5 satyrs at the back, Iarrow behind local teenager Reniira Clevinger, contributing more than their share. The Rooks absolutely still have a glass jaw, and benefit from some poor finishing as well, but Tom Duffy’s rare bit of unselfishness to set up Minka Bronson with a clear sight of goal gives them a deserved point. Crisisbless eat up the lead with a convincing 3-0 win in Cypher, but Brinemouth are pegged back by the directness and vigour of the Moths. Nevaeh Cathar perhaps begins to play her way into favour for the Passerines, coming on from the bench to strike twice in twenty minutes to snuff out an attempted fightback from the Southrons, while Stahlberg’s physicality goes from a strength to a liability when two prospective winners in a tightly-contested match with Cranequin are chalked off, for Shi and then for Brujah grappling too vigorously at set pieces.

Remember last season? How the Gulls had a totally insurmountable lead in the second tier and completely beefed it? Well, for an hour they were in Chenoworth, taking the fight to one of the strongest sides in the league, and dominant. With a 2-0 lead, at that, goals from Margate and Martyn backed up by brilliant defensive work from Niadra Anneaux. Anyway, the Rovers win 3-2, a thunderbolt from Forrest paving the way for Patton’s brace, and the Gulls even threw away the chance to level when Martyn draws, and then skies, a penalty. Vermillion are hoist by their own petard, Istria Saara powering home a header off a corner. A corner taken by Bishop’s Faiza Huyton. Cranequin City look composed and confident in a 1-0 victory over Rochford that nobody really expected to be dragging them away from the bottom - they look like they’ve been stripped bare, and Kosta Kolar seems to have been destroyed by his Premiership inadequacy - 21-year old Karolin Forde gets the only goal of the game here.

Is Diandra Ballard the manager a match for Ballard the goalkeeper? So far, signs are pointing to no. Creed have not managed to arrest their backslide starting from halfway into last season. They’re missing Keskin appallingly, injuries have ravaged the squad, and the only consistent goalscorer is a satyr who turns 35 next week. But the Passerines have hardly been in the best shape, either, not quite the disaster of their early stumbles but nor are they exactly clicking, Amos shuffling pieces looking for a winning formula. On this evidence, Victor Sorloth and Fernand Way aren’t any part of it - neither homegrown player does too well for themselves rotated in, though a screamer from Varina Roebling gets things going in the right stead. But permissive finishing from Netzach and Dostalok give Senninger the chance to make saves he shouldn’t, before a brace of Barbarouses free kicks sandwich Morgana Kolaj’s unexpected but increasingly frequent run and finish from deep. It’s the rightback’s third goal of the season, somehow? And that puts the game out of reach, and nobody’s fooled when Sorloth doesn’t quite make up for his defensive inadequacy by heading home a corner late on. Fasolt Senninger’s still called into action twice more from sharp strikes out of the box, but when the match is over, the Oathmen celebrate like they’ve won the World Cup and Lisa Amos grimaces like she’s just been force-fed a raw slug.

No other game has as many as those five goals, in a fairly tense weekend. Chatswood fight back from a goal down from the Spiders, with a quite literal helping hand from Severa Conleth to control a fairly shabby ball over the top from Hammond. The finish afterwards was spectacular, lofting the cushioned ball beautifully over Stovar Krieven. Krieven, even more beautifully, passive-aggressively strips his gloves and presses them into Conleth’s hands as she celebrates the goal, which comes damn near close to clearing the benches to fight. Paarsimer Jaan tries to headbutt the vastly shorter Andrea Prentice, and misses; Matej Beltrame does subtly punch Caulker in the spleen, and the referee does catch this one. Beltrame sees red, and the fresh gap in midfield lets Prentice fire home a late and vital winner. Against South Laithland, Southfell goalkeeper Loris Aldous pulls up after 81 minutes, just a minute and a half after George Jayson used his last substitute. Erik Marlowe, at the tail end of his career and making a rare start, is less than pleased to be putting on the gloves - it’s a less than fairytale appearance, either, as he fumbles a very savable shot from Remy Dionne and flails it into the net, the Southrons’ winning goal. At the top of the table, the Crows pick up again. Like Crisisbless and Brinemouth, they’re 1-1 hosting weaker visitors going into injury time; unlike either of them, Rachel Arniston finds a way to break through Meixner with a searing strike.

Utterly bizarre scenes in Locksley. Out of nowhere - absolutely nowhere! - they take the Maulers apart, Taurus Rhind’s indecisiveness at dealing with crosses so brutally exposed that at half-time, with Marika Kreisberg having gone from two to four goals on the season and Finchcleft driving home the third, Rhind goes into the tunnel and Emilien Marisnick comes out. The callow 21-year old does a little better, but could still have saved a strike from Reno Stubbs that winds up being the fourth and final, and the Maulers can’t even get a goal of their own against one of the worst defences the league has ever seen. And after the match, Hydrangea Dimitriades… immediately announces her resignation. No, her retirement. “I’m an old woman, now, with nothing left to prove,” she says, which isn’t quite true - she never did quite crack the Premiership, truly. “I want to go out on a high, and this season is going to offer precious few highs before we crash out. Better to give the team the maximum opportunity to rebuild.” Corren Meadows takes over from the reserves.

It’s hard to imagine a worse day of results in Nepharim history, in terms of expectations - everyone but Brinemouth was a top seed hosting a bottom seed, for fuck’s sake! Though there’s no shame in losing to any of these opponents. Such is the nature of the Champions League.

Starling and Treason are two sides in need of a turnaround. Both have struggled domestically and neither has exactly lit it up abroad, either. Injuries have played their part, especially for the Stags - if everyone was fit, Fairfax, Cronin and 37-year old goalkeeper Karena Hesketh would not be in line to start today, but the Passerines are missing Liam Armstrong. Badly, as it turns out. It starts even, but when a ball spins clear of the box after being sloppily hacked away by Visser, Mikkel Jonsson moves quickly to take it down beautifully and strikes it even more beautifully past however many gormless defenders and the stationary goalkeeper Smordal. Again, luck plays a part - Dostalok lashes a strike across everyone, Hesketh relieved beyond words to see it hammer the post behind her, and that means Accardi’s goal (set up from Fairfax from the opposite wing) is the killer, on the hour. Va’Afaja’s cross is headed home by Metzger just two minutes later, giving the scoreline a rather unfair gloss. A thumping header in return from Roxel in the 84th minute makes it a little more reflective of the flow of the game.

Aside from that, it was a day of hugely important 1-0 wins. Tense. Ones for purists. Corvistone and Crisisbless both won against tough opponents, with goalkeepers Feldman and Na’Kefir both hugely influential, while the Moths failed to keep chase as an unashamedly defensive Leichhardt kept tight at the back, holding midfielder Vintner and goalkeeper Adekoya excelling themselves (and, in fairness, the Moths having two very credible penalty shouts turned down) before a spectacular scissor-kick from Stevenson was… rather disappointingly, parried by Griffin, but Connie Reiziger was there to pick off the scraps. North Sabrefell edge out Cranequin in the battle of the back threes, a stifling game with many bodies and few chances, an optimistic effort from Petrovic diverted home by a stretching Victoria Maersk. And at the very bottom, struggling Cypher Town have seen Henrick Barden roll just about every kind of dice. An intriguing concept to put Andrea Bereveskos up front pays dividends when Janna Sauthier hits her in stride with a beautiful pass as she strides through a static Chatswood defence, before drilling low past Nova Williams.

Armstrong have gone from a promotion push under Warner Dranz to one point in five games (and being taken to extra time by lowly fourth-tier Strephonage in the Cup) under Reece Benedict, and there’s a bitterness in the away end. Bluntly, it’s been a while since anything exciting happened for the Paladins. So there’s a good chance that Kohr and Pawnbroker’s goals - the teenager had initially been shelved by Benedict - and Yeoman’s clean sheet against Morningstar just saved his job. Alliance’s 3-0 defeat to Parrhesia United shows the difference between genuine relegation material and good players just toying with shitness; Bishop’s 4-0 defeat to Serpentine is even worse. New Locksley manager Corren Meadows, restoring Daineri veteran goalkeeper Iselin to the starting lineup, gets a clean sheet as a reward. If it’s good enough for pretty much every National League side, well...

The Premiership sides have arrived. It’s a rough day for the city of Iron - United face off against Crisisbless United and get flattened 5-0, which is little surprise because the Chequers have a history of Cup annihilations and Iron United aren’t very good, but more surprisingly, City get pumped by the same scoreline by Leichhardt. Gloria Kewell gets her first minutes of the season, and rewards her side with a hat-trick by the hour mark. Jess Hearn’s Hounds pummel an on-paper vastly superior North Laithland in a Laith derby, with Spiders manager Hestia Canaan decrying that “these morons get paid too damn much to concede a brace to Nori fucking Harcutt!” Corvistone-Corinthians and Ox River-Mantlegrove both end up going to extra time, both sides scoring in extra time, and a penalty win for the away side. Newrook come unstuck against a clinical Southriver, though it would help if Rook Gilzean could make just a single save, even with Hauer and Saebener firing straight down his throat. Kaara Iarrow’s place in goal, one imagines, just got secured tighter than ever. Southriver’s defence isn’t exactly ironclad either, but in extra time they get the scalp. Not a scalp, but still impressive - the Harriers ruthlessly expose Starling’s lack of depth, a 3-0 win also helping rehabilitate troublemaking striker Tom Whittaker’s image with a tidy and, yes, professional performance. But that’s not the most humiliating defeat, the title of which undoubtedly lands at the feet of Brinemouth. Hosting third-tier Peregrine, fine, sure, make all the changes you want, hand out some debuts. 2-2 by ninety minutes, well, that isn’t good. Isn’t great. Conceding three goals in extra time? Iona Britton’s caught on camera muttering “I need to fucking retire” after a pinpoint Lorcan Peck pass leaves the veteran goalkeeper exposed yet again. Henrick Barden doesn’t follow the Andrea Vardalos ‘no rotation, no retreat’ mantra - his B-List get beaten 2-1 at home by third-tier Boltcroft, Apotheosis Kaskanis bullying the second-string defence and technical midfielder Exene Fletcher showcasing her talents. Caldwick Strand, straight off pulping a bottom-tier club 9-0, get pulped 5-1 at home by Vermillion. That’s how it feels, eh? Belgrave lure Stahlburg’s second-string into a shootout, and they come out ahead, the Wanderers score four to beat the Chariots, and the Moths make heavy weather of visiting and beating Chatswood in a full-blooded clash.

It’s 5pm Sunday at the Eagles Club. Brinemouth are flying. Crisisbless United are adequate, which by the standards of their wage bill also means they are flying. And they score first, dipping volley from Solbachen parried by Bull, cleared by Windtide but not far, Antelmi blocking it with his chest and rattling home. Dockers level in the 11th minute through Kuznetsov, then lead in the 14th through… Kuznetsov. Teenage winger Minerva Swanmore gets her first Premiership goal to equalise in the 19th. The football is fast, fluid, proficient. Meixner pulls off a brilliant save from Kuznetsov, then a routine one from Kesteren, but there’s nothing he can do against Deventer; 3-2 Brinemouth. 4-2 on the stroke of half-time, United fail to clear a corner, but it’s not through yet; 4-3 on the 50th minute, 4-4 by the 58th, Tanith Carter’s turn for a brace. And then back in the lead, Carter twisting clear and unselfishly centring to the far post, Elsa Kaelin deftly tapping home. 73rd minute, Brinemouth penalty, a contentious decision - 74th minute, Brinemouth are level. From there, regrettably, United lose their heads - Garner takes a second caution - and their cool, and the game. They hold fast for a while but are clearly tiring, tiring enough to leave Saitou an unmarked header in the area. Saitou, who has a brilliant cameo all things considered, then plays provider - it’s Tambra Matalin who makes it 7-5 and secures the first match of that scoreline in modern Premiership history, tying the record for the most goals in a game with a couple of 8-4s. One of which… was Athletic 8-4 Crisisbless United, back in Cycle 59.

They aren’t the only ones to feel the goal-rush, as Sabrefell Athletic decide to stop trying to defend crosses and set pieces and still comfortably beat Creed 6-3. Xixi Ens arguably makes the difference on his own with a virtuoso performance. Crisisbless themselves also get sucked into a goalfest, basic defensive errors costing them dear against a limited but determined Chatswood, Ivana Henderson’s brace securing a 3-3 draw late on. Starling just can’t put a game to bed against Stahlburg City, and a Stahlburg City putting a teenager up front at that. Viviana Strephon (favoured to Ward with Shi injured) might not get on the scoresheer, but she does make good runs and leave room for Osarian duo Henry and Lane to get the job done. And the long-awaited resumption of semi-hostilities in the Laith ends in a 2-0 win for the Southrons, Gareth Hartmuth immense in goal for them and big man Matthias Bergander’s brace ensuring that this may be the first of many to come.

Everyone knew Brookford had the potential to go flying out of the gates, and against a permissive Mantlegrove they get the chance to show it. Moxie Crowe, a rightback playing an unfamiliar role on the right wing, opens the scoring by hitting, hoping and finding the top corner, before breaking clear of the defence and centring for an unmarked Walsh to roll home past the hopelessly exposed Ilon Venator. Venator was then beaten at his near post by Dejana Petersen, the veteran winger making a rare start, before Bairstow, Walsh again and Riitsi finished them off. For the second time this season, Corona Sharpe misses a penalty and goes on to score a brace, though admittedly the first is directly off the rebound from that penalty save by Spyrakis - it’s enough to see them past the injury-hit Saints, for whom teenage winger Nikola Swann nets a first senior goal. Iron and Vermillion cancel one another out in a dire occasion, Hornwood and Randwick just catching cross after cross after cross.

Tanrisal and Athletic just go all-out for each other, though that’s basically been the way that Tani’s played it with everyone in the group - by the time the dust settles, they’ve scored sixteen goals, but Athletic have seized the day through the odd goal in seven. Rightback Steve Fox, in the event, popping up with the decisive blow. Brinemouth go down rather miserably to the Stallions, Andre Naulo scoring all too easily at the far post, the Dockers lacking fluency. A promotional deal cracked up between the Moths and Stags subsidises fans who want to stay in Rozelle for the long haul, going straight from the Moths’ match to the later Stags one on the same night. The result is a red, white and green wave hitting Brenecia’s capital, and well-rewarded - first, Cathal Turner and Zoe Aedelbrandt outshoot Ivo Romanov, and then Kingsgrove are simply mauled, goals from McInnes and Fletcher getting the job done. Handy it’s the Moths and Stags; what other club in the nation doesn’t hate Treason?

Group A                                                      	EFL	PAS	NPH	BNJ
1  Olympia FC           	EFL   6  4  2  0  13   3  10  14  	- 	1-1	4-0	2-1
2  Tanrısal             	PAS   6  3  2  1  16  10   6  11 	1-1 	- 	3-4	6-3
3  Sabrefell Athletic   	NPH   6  2  0  4   7  15  -8   6 	0-2	0-1 	- 	1-0
4  Jinja City FC        	BNJ   6  1  0  5  10  18  -8   3 	0-3	1-4	5-2 	-

Group B                                                      	NPH	BRE	NFX	LIS
1  Brinemouth           	NPH   6  3  1  2   8   4   4  10  	- 	0-1	2-0	2-0
2  Northern Stallions   	BRE   6  2  3  1   7   6   1   9 *   1-1 	- 	0-3	1-1 
3  Black Hawks NFX      	NFX   6  3  0  3   7   7   0   9 *   1-0	0-3 	- 	0-2  
4  AS Virtus 1904       	LIS   6  1  2  3   5  10  -5   5 	1-3	1-1	0-3 	-
Northern Stallions above Black Hawks NFX by goal difference

Group F                                                      	AFT	NPH	BRE	VLD
1  Wanda Island Wanderers   AFT   6  4  1  1  11   7   4  13 *	- 	1-0	1-0	4-2
2  Sabrefell Moths      	NPH   6  4  1  1  12   5   7  13 *   1-1 	- 	4-1	2-1
3  Rozelle              	BRE   6  2  0  4   8  10  -2   6 	3-1	1-2 	- 	3-1
4  AS Bezieres          	VLD   6  1  0  5   6  15  -9   3 	1-3	0-3	1-0 	-
Wanda Island Wanderers ahead of Sabrefell Moths by head to head results

Group H                                                      	APX	NPH	ZWZ	BRE
1  Oldem Knights        	APX   6  4  2  0   7   1   6  14  	- 	2-0	3-1	1-0
2  AFC Treason          	NPH   6  2  2  2   8   8   0   8 	0-1 	- 	3-3	2-1
3  Keppal Cosmos        	ZWZ   6  1  3  2   8  10  -2   6 	0-0	1-1 	- 	1-2
4  Kingsgrove           	BRE   6  1  1  4   4   8  -4   4 	0-0	0-2	1-2 	-

Athletic’s victory is by far too little too late to secure a second-round berth, but does at least grab third place. Brinemouth top a narrow group, despite defeat against the Stallions. The Moths’ victory is largely immaterial, but it always feels good to take a win from Brenecia - Treason get the same result in the same city and need it to clamber over the competition.

Group A                                                      	COS	NPH	FFD	STL
1  Crawford City FC     	COS   6  4  0  2  16  12   4  12  	- 	1-2	1-2	4-3
2  Starling             	NPH   6  3  2  1   9   5   4  11 	1-2 	- 	0-0	3-1  
3  René Skaé            	FFD   6  2  3  1   7   8  -1   9 	0-3	1-1 	- 	2-2
4  Energija Chernovets  	STL   6  0  1  5  11  18  -7   1 	4-5	0-2	1-2 	-

Group F                                                      	BNJ	SCT	NPH	VIL
1  Herzegovina City FC  	BNJ   6  4  2  0  18   3  15  14  	- 	1-1	2-2	6-0
2  Port Sebastian       	SCT   6  3  2  1   8   6   2  11 	0-3 	- 	1-0	0-0  
3  Coret Hawks          	NPH   6  2  1  3  10   7   3   7 	0-2	0-2 	- 	5-0
4  Eastal Lunar         	VIL   6  0  1  5   2  22 -20   1 	0-4	2-4	0-3 	-

Group G                                                      	NPH	SCT	STL	VLD
1  Crisisbless          	NPH   6  3  2  1   9   6   3  11  	- 	3-0	2-0	1-1
2  Cornellians          	SCT   6  3  0  3   8   8   0   9 	1-2 	- 	1-0	3-0  
3  FC Teussen Stelburg  	STL   6  2  1  3   6   7  -1   7 	3-0	1-3 	- 	0-0
4  Metropolis Alligators	VLD   6  1  3  2   5   7  -2   6 	1-1	2-0	1-2 	-

Pretty staid performances across the board, Starling and Crisisbless qualifying with three wins, Coret falling short with two. And Coret’s wins were both against a… a weirdly terrible Eastal Lunar? 8-0 on aggregate? Unfortunately, they only score two goals against the other teams.

   Group A                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	BRE	EUR	NPH	BRN
1  Rosbank Town         	BRE   6  3  1  2   8   5   3  10 *	- 	0-0	0-1	0-1
2  Whitepill            	EUR   6  3  1  2   8   6   2  10 *   1-3 	- 	2-0	1-3
3  Leichhardt           	NPH   6  3  0  3   7   8  -1   9 	0-2	0-3 	- 	5-1
4  Dynamo Rogak         	BRN   6  2  0  4   7  11  -4   6 	2-3	0-1	0-1 	-
*  Rosbank Town ahead of Whitepill on head-to-head results

   Group F                  	Pld  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD Pts 	BNJ	COS	VAL	NPH
1  Bwubanza City SC     	BNJ   6  4  0  2   8   4   4  12  	- 	0-1	3-0	0-3
2  Fevelo Colony        	COS   6  2  2  2   4   4   0   8 	0-2 	- 	1-1	0-0
3  Samarga United       	VAL   6  2  1  3   4   8  -4   7 *   0-2	0-2 	- 	1-0
4  Cranequin Wanderers  	NPH   6  2  1  3   4   4   0   7 *   0-1	1-0	0-2 	-
*  Samarga United ahead of Cranequin Wanderers on head-to-head results

Leichhardt stayed focused on a gruelling relegation battle and their results suffered for it in a bizarre group where leaders Rosbank won all their away matches and didn’t even get a goal at home, while Cranequin can be proud of a 3-0 win in Bwubanza but still go home in last place.

Unusually for Nepharim sides, the Saints go in as distinct underdogs. But even an apparently mediocre First Division side is decent. And it is hardly a vintage showing from Porty. Adele Rosborough is allowed to run the game from midfield, shielded expertly by Telviir and brutally by a Gareth Shotbolt out for redemption after poor league form - Rosborough snaps home a strike from the edge of the box on the half-hour just as it looked like Porty were seriously going to test the Saints’ defences, and goals from Fohler and

Why are the Rage so, so bad? The answer is easy - a crisis in recruitment meaning that when the established guns stop firing, nobody is ready to step up. Some aren’t really their fault. Defensively, in particular, Cierra Anderson and Nike Rouphos should be better than this, but teenager Ari Maurer starts this game at leftback after Rouphos is found making bitter comments to the press about how this was supposed to be her move up in the world. Which, it was. Striker Danica Heward has a creditable eight goals but there are too few contributions elsewhere. North Sabrefell, meanwhile, are sliding precipitously and need to overturn it badly. But just six minutes in, Syrene Fleetwood has already threaded Danica Heward through the Bohemians’ three flat-footed defenders, Heward centres for the run of Kinbois and hurdles the charging Daunten and Kinbois… well, rather scuffs it into the net, really. Two minutes later, Maersk has already struck level with a thumping strike. But Vermillion aren’t perturbed, and stay the course. Paige Daunten keeps the Bohemians in it in the first half, but an angled volley from Heward and a first goal of the season for midfielder Marek Fifield secure a vital and deserved 3-1 win that might just save Cralt-Nirlo’s job. For now.

Elsewhere, there’s a series of big-ticket occasions at the top of town, even if each is individually a less interesting game. Hadrian Belfast still knows caution, you don’t open yourself up in front of Brinemouth. The Crows do have the better of the game, but a couple of Gareth Blackthorn’s unglamorous recent signings prove their undoing in front of goal, most painfully including Ilyana Brosch who only just left the Crows. The Moths get bogged down in midfield by Starling, but is that really the best the Passerines can aspire to? It doesn’t work, in any case, becuase Solara Vol is fucking massive and Zoe Aedelbrandt could find a far smaller target with ease in any case. And Cheney Bittencourt regains some trust for Treason elsewhere in Sabrefell, as young defenders Lockheed and Sale manage to shut down Ens and Tarala. No easy feat, that. Athletic still take an early lead, a grasscutter from Orsolya Gere skimming past Hesketh’s fingertips, but second-half goals from Jonsson and Metzger give the Stags the win they deserve.

Perhaps buoyed by their CWC performance, the Saints pick up a vital and unexpected three points at Gonen’s Bridge with a crushing 3-0 win. Not that anyone was expecting Bridge to go in as standout favourites against Parrhesia at the start of the season. Bridge aren’t awful, just off the pace by a touch, which is far better than one could say for a deplorable Armstrong, whose limp 3-0 defeat to a Mizumaru-driven Goodfeather intensifies calls for Reece Benedict’s head, or Cranequin City, annihilated 4-0 by Corvette. Stahlburg Rovers outshoot Chenoworth Rovers in a fiercely contested promotion clash, a proper old-school tussle in harsh winds, while West Brinemouth’s rare and startling output of three goals against Diamondqueen is outweighed by sloppy defending giving the Diamonds five of their own.

With the tie basically settled, there’s a thematic striker’s duel between Keeva Crowe and Raven Dallas - each gets on the scoresheet in the first half. Former Premiership mainstay Brae Crowther puts Porty in the lead just before the hour, a scything cross converted by Katherina Meyer, a leftback evidently trying to attract the attention of the Nepharim scouts in the crowd judging by a strong performance overall, and Colvin Brooks - eligible for Nephara, apparently - comes off the bench to rattle a strike against the crossbar just before the ninetieth minute. Pity he didn’t; Saints winger Nikola Swann celebrates the eve of her 20th birthday with the equaliser in injury time.

Who are Treason’s fiercest rivals? They’re certainly Brinemouth’s fiercest rivals, and also Chatswood’s. Most likely still Stahlburg City’s. Certainly South Laithland’s. Hell, they even had a running rivalry with Blau-Weiss Pallstadt when Buyan’s league was in its pomp. But really, really, it’s North Laithland that Treason most want to beat every year. Certainly the Spiders play like it, pressing enthusiastically and aggressively, Beltrame and Roberts both picking up early bookings for scything down their marks. But that pays off - all it takes is a poor pass from Ferena Rauch, perhaps rushed back too soon from injury, to be eaten up by Ettori, slid to Chloe Asquith and, from there, a neat interplay with Griffin Kendall, Asquith stepping over the return ball to fool Stride and Matej Beltrame behind her rifling home on the first-time. But Treason are Treason; inexorable. In the 41st minute, after the Spiders think they’ve kept up the pressure, Mikkel Jonsson strikes back from nowhere. Just after half-time the Spiders pick up where they left off, a long passing move culminates in a smooth finish from leftback Posipal… and then John Fletcher heads home at the other end. Luke Roberts earns a penalty, sends it too close to Hesketh but converts the rebound… and then Jonsson sets up Fairfax to rifle home the leveller. “You just can’t squash the bastards, they’re like roaches,” says a weary Spiders manager, Hestia Canaan, after the final whistle.

Stahlburg City take an early lead against Sabrefell Athletic courtesy of the effervescent Aurelie Henry, buoyed on by Douglas Tibet. Unfortunately for the Smiths, they’re too passive from there, trying to sit on the goal rather than build on it. It can’t last forever, despite a heroic effort from their defence, as Prant-Telew fumbles a strike from Coltrane that’s too hot to handle and Tarala sweeps home the parry. They’re still happy to take the point… but lose even that, when a tired, slack pass from Dorian Ballard is stolen by Dominique, diverted to Westerveld, and crossed for Xixi Ens to whip under the sprawling Prant-Telew. Creed choose an absolutely awful time to fall flat at home, Ruo Xiaolan repelling a wide variety of mediocre strikes, Kynda-Sevet played through by Bereveskos to stroke home the winner for Cypher. And on a round of no fewer than ten one-goal victories, Coret Hawks stand out by destroying Belgrave 4-1 away, Dragan Stavanger’s muscle too much to cope with and resulting in a tidy second-half hat-trick.

Mantlegrove snatch a vital three points in Brinemouth, Marisa Ohashima deployed in a more comfortable midfield role (“It feels wrong giving a defensive midfielder the number 3, but it works,” Daniel Archer reflects) and Duprey setting up Foster for the only goal. Another axe falls, as it becomes more and more obvious that the Gulls badly overestimated their squad and underestimated the need to rejuvenate. Curiously, the Gulls precede their official statement with ‘Sorry, Ulrich…’ which sort of makes sense given the undeniable success he brought the club, but results aren’t good enough. Marko Gaston steps up in his place from the reserves. Not inspiring. Vermillion crush Brookford 3-0 away, Saara heading one in and setting up Kovaleski with a luscious knock-down, Yolandi Heimat coming off the bench to add the finishing touch. Chenoworth cruise past Bridge 4-0, Sabrina Patton dancing into open space time and again and finishing with a hat-trick, capping off explosive recent form in style.

by **Nephara** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 2:24 am

The Crows teeter, but they remain triumphantly on top. They’ll feel aggrieved they didn’t take three points against a Leichhardt side that really appears to be finding its feet at this level, but Feldman had her own scrambling saves to make. A 1-1 draw keeps them in the lead, but Crisisbless shred the lead to a single point after taking down Creed breezily, resting the overworked Bowman and Abylon in the process. Most strikingly, Athletic cruise into third off the back of a derby win, one that will remain near and dear to Rams’ hearts for some time. Tarala and Gere open the score, Solara Vol has a penalty clawed around the post by Gautier, Townsend hits the upright with a half-volley and Tarala hits them back after a protracted counter, and Oscar Coltrane - who else? - finishes them off. Brinemouth can only draw with the Chariots and Treason, mystifyingly, with Cypher - that rounds out the top six, with Stahlburg, despite a limp defeat to the Spiders, hanging onto seventh. Starling close the gap to two points after beating a revitalised Newrook, with North Laithland and Coret Hawks rounding out the top ten.

The relegation picture is striking, not only for those it does include but those it does not, at present; Cranequin Wanderers are five points clear, Leichhardt eight, South Laithland eleven. Crisisbless United, another side tipped to struggle, are also looking to be guided clear by rising managerial star Tim Maitfield and the goals of Tanith Carter. Safe? Not yet. But they’d have taken this, if offered at the start of the season. So too, most likely, would the north Sabrefell sides - most obviously North Sabrefell through goals from Numenen and Polacek accounting for a disjointed Southfell, but also Belgrave, who show resilience and desire to gut out a scoreless draw in Chatswood despite an uninspired attacking performance, former Treason winger Keynes the only one to rise to the occasion. The Gargoyles draw level with and in between Newrook and Creed, straddling 19th and 21st after defeats, with the Axes in 22nd. Vermillion are easily beaten by Crisisbless United, but Cralt-Nirlo retains their job - Cypher, at the foot of the table, look doomed. But even now, three wins on the spin could change that.

Victory for three of the top four solidifies the promotion situation, as Brookford’s disappointing home draw against Locksley means there’s now a five-point gap between fourth and fifth (now Vermillion, after a 1-0 win over Armstrong). Stahlburg Rovers are at the top of the roost with a three-point gap of their own, following a convincing 3-1 win in Corvette masterminded by the irrepressible Monika Talay, with the other Rovers not far off despite slipping in Morningstar, outmuscled with a brutality that has Chris Waller criticising the permissiveness of Nepharim referees as a whole. Diamonds and River round out the top four, the former having too much for Cranequin City, the latter hammering Mantlegrove 4-0 in Treason.

Both those opponents will be looking over their shoulders, as are a Bishop side that are the latest victims of a suddenly in-form Parrhesia side putting some room between themselves and the drop. Crisisbless Athletic pull out of the danger zone as the excellence of wingers Kaskanis and Miller lets them outshoot a Serpentine side that simply didn’t have answers for between the lines of their flat formation, leaving Rochford in 20th. The Terriers also manage a hugely impressive, resilient victory, brutish Bronwyn Forrest’s bullet header the only goal of the game against Gonen’s Bridge, Stefan Heidenreich with nine saves to keep the clean sheet. And the bottom three, despite everything, all draw. That’s a good result for Alliance, holding Rangers in Chardonnay, but rather too little, too late, for a West Brinemouth side who can only snap a run of nine straight defeats by drawing Iron but who still haven’t won since literally Matchday 6, and a Locksley team who have been pretty much doomed since the first game kicked off.

Credit is due to Downsparrow, the last club outside the top three divisions to stay in the competition, but enough is quite enough as Parrhesia prove a bridge too far. Raven Dallas’ hat-trick paves the way to a 6-1 win, and that’s enough of that. In Crisisbless, the student overcomes the master, as the Heelers’ backup goalkeeper Philoctetes Giannou gets a runout against his former club, Brookford. But Brookford were never really all that fussed about selling Giannou when the spectacular Aranea Provost was waiting in the wings, and Provost promptly makes eight saves against the Heelers as Giannou makes precisely zero, shipping four to a clinical, beautiful Brookford side who can really flow when on-form. They aren’t the only heavy-hitter to bow out, as the Hawks knock out the Moths and Leichhardt triumph over the Stags in extra time, meaning the field suddenly looks very open indeed. Extreme Hills manager Jess Hearn continues to burnish a growing legend, masterminding a 2-1 scalp over Crisisbless Athletic, while a rare goal from Cornucopia Younis sees Falston United overcome Creed in extra time. A couple other Second Division sides scrape through, with Southriver and Peregrine playing one another and following up 120 minutes of indifferent football with a hugely engaging penalty shootout, a 9-8 scoreline in Peregrine’s favour through fourteen rounds of penalties. Crisisbless United manager Tim Maitfield talks a really good game about taking advantage of midtable stability to really go for the Cup and promptly gets turned over 4-2 by an exuberant Diamondqueen looking to crush everyone in their path. If you ever doubt that Elaine Koeller is doing an impressive job for the Diamonds, remember that their most expensive player is a 33-year old Claudia Escrow, who scores a decisive second-half brace here. North Sabrefell edge out the Harriers in a very… ennui clash, neither side properly energised as a Cup run should offer.

As expected, Dorian Brindle’s Barossia United rule the roost, though in honesty none of the top sides have blown anyone away through this stretch. Ulrike Jensen is up to seventeen goals on the season and the rest of the team isn’t slacking, either. Oh, and in Markus Teamster they might just have the closest to Premiership-ready asset in the league; the holding midfielder just snaps up the ball mercilessly, and the Boars have lost two of the three games he’s missed.

After this sequence of events...

… it’s safe to say that The Strongest are batshit insane. They have scored the most goals in the league; they have conceded the fourth-most. Sylvia Wright, after a slow start, has eighteen league goals, the same as Southriver; Tulaska Sunstroem is on eleven, with fourteen assists. And then in defence they have… the ghost of Tyw Salling.

Falston United are in freefall, their impressive start wiped out by horrific recent form. For how admirable it is to try and promote local youth, there aren’t that many good players in Ceynes, and the lack of a core of Nepharim journeymen appears to be costing them as Raphael Passlach’s injury appears to have cut them off at the knees. They’ve gone from chasing promotion to treading water in the back end of the table, losing three consecutive games 6-1. But they’ve won two shootouts in a row in the Cup, for what it’s worth...

Autumnstone have been rewarded for their faith in Kurtis Mallory, as recent strong form has catapulted them out of the dogfight. They’re still looking over their shoulders, of course. They’ve had a rather Strongest-esque run of results, too; 1-0 wins over Lazuli and Shale, a 6-1 win over Falston (the result that kickstarted all this) and a 5-4 win over the Hounds, and shipping five and six to Greygate and CNL. Masquerade Bryson can find the net with ease at this level.

The relegation picture itself rests on a knife-edge, with the two clubs below Autumnstone on 23 points and the three below them on 22. Deliciously, all the 22-point teams have a higher goal difference than Crossroads and Ballardine, who are currently in the safe zone. Gosmouth should be safe, but Hawke Ziegenhorn’s gone quiet - Martella are callow and Ballardine just don’t seem to be living up to their potential.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Corvistone           23  16   5   2  45  18  +27  53
  2 Crisisbless              23  16   4   3  45  18  +27  52
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       23  15   5   3  55  31  +24  50
  4 Brinemouth               23  14   6   3  49  24  +25  48
  5 Sabrefell Moths          23  14   3   6  43  27  +16  45
  6 AFC Treason              23  11   5   7  33  27   +6  38
  7 Stahlburg City           23   8  11   4  27  20   +7  35
  8 Starling                 23  10   3  10  35  30   +5  33
  9 North Laithland          23   9   6   8  30  29   +1  33
 10 Coret Hawks              23   9   5   9  36  28   +8  32
 11 South Laithland          23   9   4  10  22  28   -6  31
 12 Southfell United         23   8   6   9  34  32   +2  30
 13 Crisisbless United       23   8   6   9  28  37   -9  30
 14 Aries Chariots           23   7   8   8  32  27   +5  29
 15 Leichhardt               23   7   8   8  22  26   -4  29
 16 Chenoworth Harriers      23   7   7   9  25  30   -5  28
 17 Cranequin Wanderers      23   7   5  11  23  29   -6  26
 18 North Sabrefell          23   7   4  12  22  36  -14  25
 19 Newrook City             23   5   6  12  23  32   -9  21
 20 Belgrave                 23   6   3  14  27  45  -18  21
 21 Creed United             23   5   6  12  24  42  -18  21
 22 Chatswood                23   4   7  12  17  31  -14  19
 23 Vermillion Rage          23   5   4  14  29  53  -24  19
 24 Cypher Town              23   3   5  15  19  45  -26  14

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Stahlburg Rovers          23  16  5   2  48  20  +28  53
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         23  15  5   3  45  19  +26  50
  3 Diamondqueen              23  15  4   4  43  20  +23  49
  4 Raven River               23  15  4   4  41  20  +21  49
  5 Vermillion Wanderers      23  13  5   5  42  23  +19  44
  6 Brookford Otters          23  12  7   4  41  22  +19  43
  7 Goodfeather FC            23  11  5   7  36  26  +10  38
  8 Armstrong                 23  11  4   8  24  16   +8  37
  9 Gonen's Bridge            23  10  5   8  27  33   -6  35
 10 Iron City                 23   8 10   5  22  18   +4  34
 11 Corvette Maulers          23   8  8   7  33  31   +2  32
 12 Morningstar               23   8  6   9  17  23   -6  30
 13 AFC Serpentine            23   7  8   8  31  32   -1  29
 14 Chardonnay Rangers        23   7  8   8  29  32   -3  29
 15 Parrhesia United          23   6  9   8  33  35   -2  27
 16 Cranequin City            23   6  8   9  26  33   -7  26
 17 Bishop                    23   7  3  13  21  34  -13  24
 18 Mantlegrove               23   6  6  11  18  33  -15  24
 19 Crisisbless Athletic      23   5  7  11  33  38   -5  22
 20 AFC Rochford              23   6  4  13  18  28  -10  22
 21 Dartmouth Terriers        23   4  9  10  20  31  -11  21
 22 Alliance Barossia         23   6  2  15  16  36  -20  20
 23 West Brinemouth           23   2  4  17  18  38  -20  10
 24 Locksley                  23   2  4  17  21  62  -41  10

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Barossia United            23  15  4   4  48  20  +28  49
  2 Corinthians No Longer      23  15  3   5  55  20  +35  48
  3 Peregrine                  23  12  4   7  37  21  +16  40
  4 The Strongest              23  12  3   8  57  46  +11  39
  5 Greygate                   23  11  6   6  40  29  +11  39
  6 Pillars of Southfell       23  11  5   7  29  19  +10  38
  7 AFC Shale                  23  11  5   7  29  20   +9  38
  8 Extreme Hills              23  12  2   9  43  38   +5  38
  9 Aries Solitaire            23  11  5   7  34  30   +4  38
 10 Ritter Town                23   8  8   7  39  36   +3  32
 11 The Hanged Man             23   8  8   7  23  23   +0  32
 12 Hackett                    23   7 10   6  42  33   +9  31
 13 Stonegrave                 23   8  7   8  22  24   -2  31
 14 Boltcroft Thorns           23   9  4  10  34  40   -6  31
 15 Falston United             23   9  4  10  24  37  -13  31
 16 Riverkey                   23   6  9   8  19  22   -3  27
 17 Coret Rovers               23   6  8   9  29  32   -3  26
 18 Autumnstone                23   7  4  12  41  55  -14  25
 19 Crossroads Town            23   7  2  14  33  49  -16  23
 20 Southriver                 23   6  5  12  18  40  -22  23
 21 Gosmouth Swans             23   5  7  11  21  29   -8  22
 22 Martella Jazz              23   5  7  11  34  45  -11  22
 23 Ballardine FC              23   5  7  11  27  42  -15  22
 24 Lazuli Diamonds            23   5  3  15  23  51  -28  18

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sheridan                     23  15  4   4  38  15  +23  49
  2 Mapleford                    23  14  5   4  39  17  +22  47
  3 Strephonage                  23  13  5   5  30  21   +9  44
  4 Kommissar                    23  12  5   6  42  26  +16  41
  5 Brokenarch                   23  11  8   4  34  21  +13  41
  6 Kensey Town                  23  11  7   5  43  28  +15  40
  7 Ingram Township              23  11  5   7  22  17   +5  38
  8 East Laithland Harriers      23  12  2   9  39  38   +1  38
  9 Brindleton                   23   9  8   6  29  20   +9  35
 10 Hartford Glade               23   9  8   6  36  34   +2  35
 11 Rochford Pilgrims            23  10  4   9  49  44   +5  34
 12 Iron United                  23  10  4   9  33  30   +3  34
 13 Caldwick Strand              23   8  7   8  33  31   +2  31
 14 Cranequin Souths             23   7  7   9  38  37   +1  28
 15 Ox River United              23   7  5  11  19  24   -5  26
 16 Riverkey Shells              23   7  5  11  30  39   -9  26
 17 Crownsend Journey            23   7  5  11  31  42  -11  26
 18 South Parrhesia              23   6  7  10  46  55   -9  25
 19 West Hook                    23   7  4  12  19  28   -9  25
 20 Brunyard FC                  23   6  7  10  34  47  -13  25
 21 Fully Sick XI                23   6  5  12  26  43  -17  23
 22 Sutcroft                     23   5  3  15  31  47  -16  18
 23 Downsparrow                  23   4  5  14  25  43  -18  17
 24 Rushe United                 23   4  5  14  32  51  -19  17

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lindmark Falcons        23  15   1   7  39  23  +16  46
  2 Lockheed Zenith         23  14   3   6  42  23  +19  45
  3 Ringway                 23  12   6   5  32  22  +10  42
  4 FC Seierstad            23  11   7   5  40  25  +15  40
  5 AFC Hellerine           23  11   5   7  33  25   +8  38
  6 Iberia Chenoworth       23  11   4   8  44  33  +11  37
  7 Grovebank               23  10   5   8  28  18  +10  35
  8 Besand's Folly          23   8   8   7  33  33   +0  32
  9 Sirencall FC            23   8   8   7  26  28   -2  32
 10 Sutcroft Athletic       23   9   5   9  24  26   -2  32
 11 Stonesthrow Town        23   7   7   9  18  23   -5  28
 12 Harrington              23   8   4  11  30  40  -10  28
 13 Chenoworth Teutons      23   7   6  10  21  26   -5  27
 14 AFC Feuerweiss          23   8   3  12  26  33   -7  27
 15 Fischer                 23   8   3  12  25  32   -7  27
 16 Boleyn Town             23   6   8   9  23  32   -9  26
 17 Courser                 23   6   7  10  24  29   -5  25
 18 AFC Mittelmarch         23   4  11   8  15  22   -7  23
 19 Sleetwell Rangers       23   5   7  11  21  38  -17  22
 20 Fenland Albion          23   5   6  12  19  32  -13  21

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Constance Park            23  11  9   3  27  14  +13  42
  2 New Oakstone Phoenix      23  11  7   5  37  19  +18  40
  3 Latin Enclave FC          23  11  6   6  54  39  +15  39
  4 Corvistone City           23  11  6   6  32  21  +11  39
  5 Rookwall                  23  12  2   9  33  28   +5  38
  6 Brookford Vantablack      23  10  7   6  36  27   +9  37
  7 Bodkin Road               23  11  3   9  41  30  +11  36
  8 AFC Volksgarten           23  11  3   9  31  25   +6  36
  9 Twelvetrees               23  10  4   9  24  23   +1  34
 10 Northside Eagles          23  10  3  10  42  38   +4  33
 11 The Travellers FC         23  10  3  10  30  26   +4  33
 12 Long Lake                 23   9  6   8  22  22   +0  33
 13 Longwinter                23   8  8   7  38  32   +6  32
 14 Barhara Cavaliers         23   8  5  10  34  43   -9  29
 15 Markoni                   23   6  8   9  26  34   -8  26
 16 Aries Tigers              23   7  5  11  33  46  -13  26
 17 Gridlock                  23   6  7  10  17  29  -12  25
 18 AFC Burchess              23   5  6  12  23  37  -14  21
 19 Blaze                     23   6  3  14  27  54  -27  21
 20 AFC Davenport             23   5  3  15  28  48  -20  18

by **Nephara** » Sun Mar 01, 2020 2:36 am

Belgrave are treading water, and for all Adalheid Metzelder’s brave talk about taking the fight to the Premiership, surely even she knows she would bite someone’s hand off to stay in 20th ‘til the end of the season. Particularly with the news of an injury that will knock out inspired signing Casey Steward for a month or so. 34-year old veteran Alexa Ferryman suits up, hardly offering the impish Steward’s pace, and Chariots reject Laura Belfry sits alongside her for Aries’ visit. It’s her poor pass that leads up to Lorena Strausz’s opening goal, one that perhaps Brandon Connell could have saved. But at the other end, a quick kick taken by Connell after claiming Ruskin’s cross finds a way to Kotaro Katsura, who almost casually lifts up a boot to cushion the high-bounding ball, lets it bounce again - just once - and slams a crushing half-volley past Briggs, juddering into the bottom of the crossbar and rebounding in. After that, Belgrave don’t look back; Katsura sets up Sloan for a second and Markus Strand’s diving header makes it 3-1 by half-time, Ferryman’s free kick is headed home by Skapoulis for 4, and a late brace from Belgrave homegrown Lazarou does little to change the feeling that maybe Belgrave do have the X-factor to stay in this.

Chatswood pick up a vital win at the bottom of the table, a jaunt across to the Laith seeing them come away with a win over the uninspired Southrons. Nova Williams did a little more for her damaged reputation with some sharp saves from range, and a neat little play seeing Heidt’s cross knocked down by Moore for Andrea Prentice, advancing with menace, putting vicious power into a winning goal. They aren’t alone; Vermillion beat the Crows 2-0 through goals from Kinbois and the lesser-spotted Eduardo and a string of saves from Ramelow, and the Crows are relieved to also see Crisisbless lose 1-0 to Treason and Brinemouth stall out to a surprisingly open 3-3 draw with Cranequin. Starling absolutely hammer Crisisbless United 5-0 in a less than happy homecoming for Elsa Kaelin and Reinhard Meixner, and the kind of quietly dominant performance that should be inching Annika Netzach closer to a Cormorants callup.

If Crisisbless Athletic stay up, they owe it in very large part to their wingers, and to the ability of young striker Jacinth Coen to step up. They’d openly shopped around for a more proven striker, and failed to find one - well, the rangy Coen is doing a job, with her tall, languid style and carefully cushioned first touch give her ample room to score a brace against Armstrong, with a hapless own goal from Maarten Hope - trying to slide in and tackle Coen! Not helping! - finishing a genuine demolition. Careless defensive play - and a rare error from Aranea Provost - sees the Otters let the Gulls race to a 2-0 lead by the half-hour mark. The Gulls seem so puzzled at their fortune that they forget to mark Riitsi at a corner; 2-1. They hold out for the rest of the ninety minutes, but goals from Kelsen and Petersen in injury time pull the rug out from under them. Dartmouth score a hard-earned 1-0 win over Morningstar, Stahlburg burnish their credentials by trashing Chardonnay 3-0, while Parrhesia come back from a goal down at the break to beat a Goodfeather side 4-1 after a half-time team talk from Emeka Obasi that Saints winger Fohler calls “inspiring, a little terrifying, maybe illegal.”

The funny thing about having a whole team of mercurial operators is not so much that you never know what to get; it’s that with enough of them on the books it kind of evens itself out, and really, the Harriers have been remarkably consistently mediocre. A struggling Vermillion side in improved recent form pay them a visit, and Snowy Brennan knows she’ll give the remote relegation fears a crunch with a win here. Nike Rouphos, whose naked ambition forced a move to Vermillion that has really not worked out, is jeered every time she steps on the ball. But she does get a penalty, when Ramona Porter takes on Corsica Greene only to roll the ball behind her to Rouphos, and the Ceynes rightback enthusiastically plows into her with both boots. Fyona Matthews, whose form has been wildly inconsistent all season, manages to paw Jarobi Konse’s penalty away… only to, three minutes later, let a strong-but-too-close strike from Hart sneak through her near post. Worse still, when Kou’s jinking run and permissive fall over Austad’s leg gives the Harriers a penalty, Tom Whittaker grabs it over captain Stensholt’s protests and promptly blazes it over the bar… only to, in the 57th minute, score a brilliant bicycle kick set up by the bull-headed persistance of penalty-conceding Greene. “It’s all swings and roundabouts,” Brennan sighs post-match. Really, it must get exhausting.

Stahlburg City’s lack of a top-class finisher costs them, as Isabella Shi’s wayward finishing means that Damion Bowman’s single spectacular goal, pirouetting through Ballard and Brujah in sequence, playing a clever one-two with Woakes to cut Orsay out of circulation before deftly chipping Prant-Telew proves decisive in an otherwise uninspired sequence. Sabrefell Athletic have Newrook on the ropes all game, even a ten-man Newrook after the hour thanks to a senseless challenge from Swibel nearly murders Coltrane, but Kaara Iarrow keeps all but a single header from Tarala from her net. All this, and Minka Bronson dips inside in injury time and falls over the weary leg of Sigismund… only for Aurelian Gautier to stand tall in goal, saving the spot-kick from Brandtner, Newrook’s only shot on target of the game. Goals from sprightly wingbacks Kaveci and Islinger see a hugely impressive Cranequin outshoot the Chariots, while Starling go missing against Corvistone on an uninspired day and lose out to burly centre-half Calcipher Heston’s header off a set piece on his return to his hometown club.

West Brinemouth win the clash of the doomed sides at the bottom of the league, with goals from Martyn and Geist and a spectacular clearance off the line from Niadra Anneaux having real ‘come and get me’ vibes for the rest of the league. Martyn, the Gulls’ best midfielder by a distance, turned 31 last week and has had a truly journeywoman career; there’s already links with Barossia United materialising. Goodfeather’s remote promotion hopes take a kicking as Chenoworth Rovers show them the gulf to the top in a 3-0 win, leaving the Quakers on three defeats in four. Parrhesia’s flakiness manifests as they’re thrashed 4-1 by Serpentine, ambitious fullbacks Oakes and Kendrick opening the scoring for the Dragons before the rather more conventional source of up-and-coming striker Lanista Corsey completes the rout in the second half. Alliance edge out Mantlegrove in a six-pointer, as Rochford’s 2-1 win in Armstrong inspires more calls for Reece Benedict’s head.

There has not been a lot to say about the Hawks this season, which is not to say they’re bad value - quite the opposite. But their brief tenure as the clear ‘best of the rest’ outside the big six is in serious jeopardy. Most obviously, Corvistone are inexplicably in a title challenge, but a Stahlburg side have also emerged that are everything Coret aren’t. Dour. Defensive. Function over form. The Hawks come calling, Nick Feeney talking a noble game about how Stahlburg’s fans must be “dying of boredom in the stands.” Maybe. But they can get results, and even on their day prove almost prolific. Kizza Okafor and Otalia Kasmiir are both brilliant midfielders, but they just get in each others’ way against an unflashy Brujah and Ballard, and do nothing to stop Aurelie Henry running the show all game. The end result is that the Smiths somehow get 52% possession, and with it threaten Lockwood’s goal constantly. The goalkeeper does what he can in the first half but there’s nothing he can do when Henry picks out Orsay from a corner for the centrehalf to head back across goal, meeting defensive partner Xandra Cooke, who bundles home. Henry makes it two by the hour, wriggling into space and blasting high past Lockwood, and Feeney belatedly hooks the jaded Stavanger for Juliet Bezemer to add more midfield control. It doesn’t make a difference, Linde Rostock firing a sharp low cross that Isabella Shi cushions with her substantial midriff before cutting across the face of goal, Brand unable to readjust and clear, Smiths winger Voegel and Hawk defender Koller both sliding to meet it at the far post. It winds up in the back of the net - it takes a slow motion camera to figure out Koller hooked it away but only as far as Voegel’s studs, ricocheting into the net for the fatal third.

Crisisbless, too, have impressive midfielders - indeed, surely none in the league can stand up to the trident of Quintero, Woakes and Bowman. Maybe none in the world. But they know you need a platform behind it, and the stable water carriers of Abylon and Kastriot give them the room to operate in a 4-1 hammering of the Moths in Sabrefell, Kurtis Laiota starting and finishing the bloodletting and helping quiet any talk that he doesn’t quite stand up to the rest of the squad. Which, in fairness, he doesn’t. Crisisbless United repeat the feat in the same city hours later, beating Athletic 3-2 with Danica Marshall sparkling in midfield. Chatswood manager Warner Dranz vows to take the fight to the Stags in a heated Treason derby, one that’s good value for the football as much as the violence. Andrea Prentice, by far Chatswood’s shining light this season, sets up Esmond Moore to miss a sitter just eight minutes gone, and they’re made to regret it when Jonsson, Metzger and Metzger again make it 3-0 by half-time. Or just before half-time; a towering Henderson header makes it 3-1 with the last touch of the first half, Gedeon Volz strikes in the 59th to make things interesting and that’s before Va’Afaja gets sent off, fouled badly by Volz to send both sprawling to the truf but retaliating with a boot to the jawline… but they hold out. Corvistone batter Southfell 5-2, Creed and Belgrave claw each other to a desperate 2-2 with ten men apiece by the end, while Leichhardt and North Sabrefell claw out vital 1-0 home wins against fellow relegation contenders in Cranequin and Cypher.

Chardonnay’s ambition has not been matched by results in a fairly indifferent season thus far, but when they fre, they fire. And today they fire against Morningstar. Stars’ issue is chiefly in midfield, where Ana Kuijer has rarely been fit and, when on the pitch, struggled to keep up the pace at 36 - they need an Alessa Bernat, someone small and sharp and boxy and able to truly go box-to-box, relentlessly harrying off the ball but with things to say in possession. Little surprise that Bernat assists the first goal, charging down a sloppy clearance from Carney, driving inside and pulling across for Andreas Lindwurm to open the score. Morningstar just can’t get back in the game, and the floodgates open in the second half; it ends 4-0, Stars broken, Rangers ascendant. Gonen’s Bridge trash Diamondqueen 3-0 just through repeated crosses and defensive solidity, Chenoworth Rovers come out the better in a shoot-out with Serpentine as Sabine Patton continues to make the difference, and Raven River somehow stall out to a scoreless draw against Locksley.

Emeka Obasi is in fine form on the sidelines for the Saints, gesticulating and remonstrating in a searing cyan suit. He’s got plenty to remonstrate about after the first goal, clumsily bundled home by the tall timber of Fox Charnwood through a scandalously permissive defence. There’s shades of handball, to be sure, but the Cobre manager’s oddly quiet when Fohler sets up Swann to level the scores, despite Mueller having released Fohler about a foot offside. Mueller herself makes it 2-1 with a thunderous strike and Fohler herself snaps up a farcial third, quickest to react after a ball going straight to Ann Reus is airswung horribly, but Jakki Montelius’ late free kick - glanced on its way off Ystrad’s head - keeps Hellinic in the tie.

“The thing with the Crows,” Tony Dalton opines, unasked, before his Athletic side visit Corvistone, “is that these are footballers at the peak of their careers, at a club at the peak of its potential. Save a couple of their younger guns, maybe Arniston or Almwood, it’s never going to get better for them than this. But we’re operating at maybe 60% of where I see us right now. One full transfer window and I can build a dynasty here.” It’s a tough match, with the technicality befitting a top-of-the-table clash, and just seven minutes in Sipke Tarala is somehow free to latch onto a bobbling ball. Acatha Feldman rushes out and dives, the shot flashes - CLANK! - and caroms off the far post. The Crows are more guarded from that point, Hadrian Belfast having of course been a master of cynicism and the dark arts in his playing days, and Spahi Keskin has absolutely learned from the master - he at one point slides in to hack down Coltrane and stays down as if he himself was injured. No card. Soon, as well, they actually have something to guard - Almwood releasing Morham’s run, Morham jinking and feinting outside Lucas before driving a lethal diagonal inside him with the outside of her boot, and Baba Warrington is there-- no, Gautier saves-- but no, Ulreich reacts fast, skidding in the turf to hook home the rebound! And the Crows defend it with their lives, and harry and shove, and then a quick throw from Almwood catches everyone off-guard. Catley runs free for two fatal seconds before managing to get off a long ball over the top. Warrington lets it bounce, once, then catches it beautifully to send it over an ineffectually stranded Gautier. For Athletic’s part, Xixi Ens hits a post of his own late on before providing an assist for Gere to lash home a late consolation, but few can deny Corvistone denied it. Another test, passed.

Elsewhere at the top, Brinemouth dominate Starling in the middle of the field, hauling them back after Berg bundles home Armstrong’s corner to give Starling an early lead. Berg’s attempt to deflect a low cross from Deventer sort-of works, sending it into the post only for Kuznetsov to instinctively drag home the rebound, and late on Bryger Tidesson does what he does to take the points. The ball seems to spend most of the time in the air in Chatswood’s hosting Stahlburg, but Ivana Henderson makes the most of it to score a first-half brace and give the Axes three vital points. Crisisbless absolutely dominate North Sabrefell, scoring six goals. Kosa Bajnok gets one at each end, but who’s counting? A last-minute equaliser, a scorching strike from Lorena Strausz that a blindsided Adekoya fails to cover, does at least secure the Chariots from losing four straight fixtures against all the newly-promoted sides. But they still haven’t won in six.

Cranequin City under Dan Keel look… sickly. You can’t sack Keel, not for everything he’s done, but really the Terracotta Army should not be looking over their shoulders, let alone losing 2-0 in Locksley. The strikes, from Heaton and Rotival, are well-taken; Cranequin are depleted byinjury, callow backups in Pinkett and Soros not standing up to the pressure. But it’s still not good enough. Diamondqueen’s 2-0 win over Morningstar means that Stars have lost the last four games without so much as scoring. Thankfully, Ballista Meade is finally due back from her self-inflicted injury soon… deputy Aris Daskalakis has just two goals all season. Iron City go back to basics, shutting down Stahlburg to an almost embarrassing failure to penetrate the area, Isla Snowpoint’s screamer proving the difference.

A surprisingly dull affair back at Knightsgrave. The best entertainment is looking at Emeka Obasi’s suit - magenta with white pinstripes - though Telviir’s header isn’t bad either, one of those that just seemed to stay in the air forever on its way lofting over Hutchins. A solid win on aggregate, as underdogs. Parrhesia will take it.

Eight matches, and only one can be described as straightforward natural selection, Coret Hawks resting a few players and still handily beating Falston 2-0. Vermillion’s win over South Laithland is also fairly straightforward, Cralt-Nirlo Fox refusing to rotate out players despite the disastrous way the league season’s going. Belgrave edge out Southfell thanks in large part to fine goalkeeping from Odessa Bonds, and a single deft finish from substitute Erica Manson at the other end - brought on after six minutes due to Sloan’s injury, cropping up with the winner after sixteen. North Sabrefell make heavy weather of beating Crossroads Town, just seeming to lose their composure after Volga puts the Valiants ahead against the run of play half an hour in, reliant on veterans coming in off the bench to steady their nerves; Cranequin Wanderers, similarly, should not be so laboured against Peregrine but still get the job done. Brookford exhaust themselves at the Rock, a bucket of changes but inefficient finishing dooming them against the Hounds, Ivor Roxham making the most of defensive mishaps once in 90 minutes and once in extra time to force, and then win, a shootout. Leichhardt take advantage of a rare opportunity to open up and play attacking football, and bungle it, the Saints ripping them apart on the counter. Parrhesia absolutely aren’t getting promoted, but might they just make a second straight Cup win? Surely not. Elaine Koeller understandably thinks she can rest most of her Diamonds against The Hanged Man, but she’s wrong; Diamondqueen are terrible, THM imperious at the back and clinical at the front in a 3-0 win.

Southfell United have been something less than consistent this season, but on aggregate they’re in the CC chase. Which used to mean something a little bigger, of course… but in any case, they undoubtedly have goals. Mostly due to Lyzolda Petrov, quickly becoming one of the signings of the season even at a meaty five million. And just five minutes in against Brinemouth, Lissa Anselm - nearly goalless herself, but with a real eye for a cross - wins a free kick. Evans steps up and then takes it quickly, playing Anselm past a flat-footed Spencer and Anselm, in turn, striking a low cross that Petrov inelegantly but efficiently shins underneath Bull and in for the opener. Brinemouth pull back - Evans and Anselm aren’t the most defensively robust and, well, Bryger Tidesson exists - but Petrov puts Southfell back in front just before half-time, a loose ball trickling after Gundersen’s shot was blocked, letting her dip through startled Dockers’ defenders, turn sharply and sidefoot past Bull with her right. Brinemouth pull back yet again just after the hour mark, Marcin Close’s cross lost in the breeze by Aldous, caroming off the crossbar behind the flailing goalkeeper and chested home by Kuznetsov, a man who knows how to make the most of a farce, but it’s with a strange inevitability that Petrov steers home a near-post header (could Bull have done better?) to give the Tanners the win with a perfect hat-trick.

Aries snap their poor run of form by absolutely crunching a Creed United side in even poorer form. Diandra Ballard gambles with hopefuls like Illyria Landrith and Camilla Martin who look overawed by the occasion, and a veteran in Andre Havranek who just doesn’t look good enough; by the end, it’s yet another of the Chariots’ 5-0s. Vermillion are strangely happy to be dragged into a brutalist scoreless draw against Leichhardt in which not much of anything happens. South Laithland choke on a 2-0 half-time lead against a tenacious Treason, aided by some… generous refereeing calls. “Home advantage is part of the game,” says a deadpan Cheney Bittencourt, “with everything that entails.” Tom Whittaker caps off strong recent form with a goal against Athletic, bursting down the middle to hit an incisive through-ball between Gautier’s legs, and leaps into the stands to celebrate, grabbing someone’s beer and, God bless the lad, slamming down the whole damn thing. He is, notably, a little behind the pace for the last few minutes, but the Harriers hold onto their share of the spoils. Corvistone are held to a draw by a tenacious North Laithland; Crisisbless, edging Newrook City 1-0 despite dominating the run of play, finally clamber onto the summit.

Armstrong under Warner Dranz: 8-3-2. Armstrong under Reece Benedict: 3-2-8. You want to see managers given a chance, but the Paladins have just been turned over by a succession of relegation candidates, their shot at promotion has melted, and enough is enough; Benedict is out, so is his entire coaching staff (after Dranz took his own people to Chatswood) and that leaves, weirdly, Gratia Barker - Leigh Fletcher’s assistant at Chatswood before her axing - to take charge on a deal lasting to the end of the season. Armstrong’s statement properly throws Reece Benedict under the bus, too. “We regret that this club has paid the price for a lazy appointment based more on experience than talent…” Ouch!

Few are expecting this to be the entertainment fixture of the round, it has to be said. Treason aren’t exactly the most thrilling side to watch, while Lokomotive are known for an efficient, grinding, workmanlike style of football that has been effective at outlasting domestic opposition. But it does show the value of an early goal changing a game. Here, it’s Treason’s - McInnes whipping in a cross and Ullqvist’s clearance is poor, angling it down riiight into Aristide Metzger, who reacts quickly to smash it past Nurminen. Lokomotive have to- well, no, they could sit on the 1-0 defeat, but they don’t. The game’s better for it. Metzger again hits them, this time on the break, and a later piledriver from Jonsson is only parried by Nurminen into Lukas Boldfont’s path. But Lokomotive finally get the goal their attacking play has warranted. Indeed, like with a bus, you wait long enough and two come at once… Metanov thunders home a corner at the near post before clever interplay culminates in Henrik Ljurbyn rifling home their second, in the 70th and 73rd minutes. It looks like a good result, away goals and the next leg in mind… but there’s time, still, for Raquel Accardi to beat Nurminen at his near post with pure, beautiful power.

Freshly atop the table, Crisisbless come to ruin United’s day. The Chequers have had, all things considered, a very cruisy season. This is bizarre as their players are, on the whole, slightly crap. Certainly Tanith Carter and Danica Marshall have enjoyed breakthrough seasons, but mostly it’s just that Tim Maitfield has got the most from limited parts. And they would love nothing more than to ruin the Heelers’ day in return. Corvistone, unsurprisingly, do their part by putting Cypher to the sword; their fans are already flicking onto their phones with thirty minutes to play as it kicks off in Crisisbless. And just seven minutes in, a trademark counterattack winds up with Carter playing provider, dragged wide by Bajnok but able to pull back for Lukas Antelmi to thump home. Karii Bruun gives away a penalty, Damion Bowman using some level of dark arts… but no matter, as Abylon’s solid enough spot-kick is blocked to spin away by Reinhard Meixner! Could it be? No. Reality happens in the second half, as Crisisbless don’t panic, ease into control and ratchet up goals from Quintero, Woakes and the substitute Coppinger. Still, it was a nice thought… and Crisisbless host the Crows next match.

Newrook score four against Coret and their notoriously open midfield… and ship six. Enough is enough, Rainer Hildebrandt is axed and a rather better-known figure in Gareth Penrooke takes up the job. He has his work cut out for him, but has experience guiding Wofford Town out of relegation troubles in the ANL, as well as guiding a Serpentine side everyone tipped to go down to consistent safety. Belgrave, fresh off beating Treason 2-1 in their last home match, repeat the trick against Sabrefell Moths. The once-maligned Laura Belfry continues to show her worth in a mature defensive midfield performance - she’s done so much better in the top flight than she did in 1Div last season - and Turner’s strike - seriously, don’t leave him unmarked in the box! - is cancelled out by efforts from Casey Steward - returning from injury - and Kotaro Katsura, increasingly talismanic as the season goes on. North Laithland hammer the Harriers 4-1 in Chenoworth with Stovar Krieven clocking up an assist from goalkeeper, his thumping goal-kick letting loose Griffin Kendall to score on the break, while Brinemouth put Athletic in their place with a cold, merciless midfield dominance and a brace from Tidesson.

Publications get angry tweets from both north and south Vermillion whenever Wanderers play Parrhesia. No, it’s not a derby. It’s a derby when either of them plays Vermillion Rage, but not one another. For all that, it’s a tight contest marked by brutal defending with a goal either side, Ilia Mueller sent off for a brutal challenge and Daniel Zihark lucky not to follow her. Is it any wonder they’re mistaken for rivals? Gratia Barker gets off the mark, Armstrong beating Corvette 2-0 in her first game in charge as she rolls the dice by introducing a bunch of young, hungry players in Gareth Pawnbroker’s mould - Pawnbroker himself scores the second. Morningstar break their goal drought in horribly unlucky circumstances; Palina Leopold hammers a shot against the post, and it caroms into Stars keeper Jakob Carter’s back and into his own net. But Ballista Meade gets one at the other end to at least give the Warriors a point, and this time, after last time, her celebration is… muted.

The second leg goes a little more to type, though nobody in the Stags’ camp is treating this with complacency and a strong side marches out to face them. John Fletcher marks a return from injury by chesting down a dinked pass from Jonsson, turning and twisting past Metanov and smashing home the only goal of the first half, but not long into the second, Halvard Oystein slips onto the end of a clever backheel and quickly whips a leveller under Clavel. Lokomotive hold firm through the rest of the game, pressing hard for the goals they need without leaving themselves exposed, but concentration just slackens near the very end to let McInnes find Lysistrata Carter’s far post run - thanks to Metzger knowing to step over it to fool Ullqvist rather than try and beat him - to kill off the game.

Crisisbless are on a high when the Crows finally come calling. They have the opportunity to consolidate their lead, a win here would take them five points above the crows and eight against more, bluntly, serious opposition - and, hell, nine minutes in, Crisisbless are all over the Crows, and here’s a ball from Abylon finding Damion Bowman in space, darting outside then in then firing low across Feldman, 1-0, easy as that! Only it never is, is it? These Crows just will not die. Crisisbless hold firm, stay disciplined, keep their boots on Corvistone’s throats, Feldman makes three solid plunging saves… and then in the 44th minute, Goodlight Wynder under pressure clips a ball into the middle, flicked on by Keskin, chested down by Yonen into the path of Krista Morham who just… hits it first-time. And it keeps going. And going. And it practically bursts the net on the other side of the helplessly diving Na’Kefir. Crisisbless never quite get their composure back, still looking rattled out the other end of half-time, and a powerful strike from ‘the’ Baba Warrington in the 57th minute is sat on for the rest of the game. The Crows perch atop the league once more. Brinemouth scrape a 3-3 draw with the Spiders, while the Moths’ marginal win over South Laithland sees them clamber over Athletic - held by the Wanderers - into fourth. Treason eviscerate the Chariots 4-0 to consolidate sixth, and it looks unlikely that any will fall out with Stahlburg currently seventh and nine points behind.

The Chariots will be looking over their shoulders, as will the Harriers, who could only draw 1-1 with Cypher. They’re five points clear, though, for now. Belgrave and North Sabrefell are also currently out of harm’s way, just about, hoping a 1-1 draw with one another in a characteristically heated North Sabrefell derby is a point gained for them both, not two dropped. It’s definitely two points dropped for Gareth Penrooke’s Newrook City, the new manager getting an unfortunate view of his new charges’ glass jaws, a 2-0 lead in Chatswood choked by laughably poor set piece defence. That keeps the Axes just out of the drop zone on goal difference, with Vermillion also drawing to stay in the playoff place, Newrook 22nd, and Creed - utterly toothless against Stahlburg, and losing 3-0 - four points from safety and looking nervous. The only team in the bottom eight to lose. Cypher are thirteen away from safety and surely doomed.

Yet again it’s both Rovers on top of the table; Chenoworth edging out Parrhesia 1-0, Stahlburg rather more feebly edging West Brinemouth. Chenoworth are very likely to go up with a ten-point buffer; Stahlburg have seven. The next four clubs are split by just one point, with Diamondqueen’s own unconvincing 1-0 win over Serpentine putting them in front of the pack in third; the three beneath them in Vermillion (who beat Cranequin 2-0 with fair ease), Brookford (go to Morningstar and claim a 1-0 win) and River (the highest side to actually concede, but still victorious against Alliance) all with a better goal difference than the Diamonds. There’s then a fourteen-point chasm down to Iron in seventh, who have scored barely over a goal a game.

Lower midtable is all much of a muchness, and pretty much anyone under the Saints - who are at this stage firmly rejuvenated under Obasi, going from winning just two from their first fifteen to six of the next - could plausibly go down. That said, even 18th-placed Mantlegrove have a six-point buffer to work with; Dartmouth, tipped by most to struggle, are above that. Needless to say Gonen’s Bridge are long safe, barring something spectacular. Rochford and Cranequin have a gap of just four, both sides having arrived in 1Div last season by a different route and threatening to go straight back down / down again immediately, but Rochford’s win makes the task of Athletic and Alliance that much harder. They’re fighting each other for the playoff, first and foremost, and Locksley eight points behind (and, in fairness, at a hilarious GD deficit) could maybe hypothetically challenge that. The Gulls are nailed to the foot of the table at this stage, and look truly sunk.

Barossia United remain, predictably, at the top of the table; with sixteen games to play, they have a five-point buffer over second and eleven points over fourth, meaning they can probably pretty much be marked down as one of the promoted sides at this stage. The concern is, of course, how they reinforce and how the players at hand step up. The gap between second and third tier is probably the highest of any two steps in the pyramid; veteran midfielder Vasilis Nikas is just two steps above everyone here, but it’s hard to see the 35-year old even keeping up to 1Div pace anymore. If they’re smart, they’re already lining up transfers for next year.

Yura Bartok’s Pillars of Southfell are the form team at the top after winning their last four, despite having by a distance the fewest goals of the top seven teams. Heidi Ishtar has electrified at this level, contributing nine goals and eight assists; not far off having a hand in half the team’s tally. Mostly, though, the team’s strength comes from the aging double pivot of Alsatian and Bellard, and in Mariam Brookhouse arguably the best goalkeeper in the league.

The ambitions of Aries Solitaire have once again not matched results at this level, and after a 2-1 defeat at home to Autumnstone left them languishing in midtable, Sasha Breighthauser was given her marching orders with Katrina Wheelhouse promoted from within to reside over the rebuild. With Zaparas, Dimitrius and possibly Na’Drevu all set for retirement, it is certain to be extensive. The Archers, meanwhile, are unbeaten in eight and now well and truly out of the relegation fight.

Riverkey have also bid farewell to Clarissa Burnes, slightly earlier - with one win in ten, a limp 2-0 defeat at home to Ritter Town proved the tipping point. Janus Gligor comes in with some promising experience in 3Div and the Conference; this is his first shot at this level. The Seagulls were expected to challenge for promotion, but their side is old and bad and, most damningly, they have absolutely no midfield presence. Gligor’s made a positive initial impact that has at least pulled Riverkey away from an unthinkable relegation scrap.

That said, they are probably above the relegation dogfight at this stage, which can probably be confined to the bottom seven. An away win for Ballardine gives them a slight buffer, but just five points separate the bottom six; Coret and Gosmouth out of trouble for now, Southriver straddling, with Crossroads, a recovering Lazuli and an utterly wallowing Martella under the orange line. The Jazz, at least, have scored as many goals as Pillars in third. Southriver are at least by this stage outscoring Sylvia Wright, though on 24 goals she remains currently in the lead for the Boot.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Corvistone           30  21   6   3  58  25  +33  69
  2 Crisisbless              30  21   4   5  60  24  +36  67
  3 Brinemouth               30  18   8   4  68  36  +32  62
  4 Sabrefell Moths          30  19   3   8  55  36  +19  60
  5 Sabrefell Athletic       30  17   7   6  65  43  +22  58
  6 AFC Treason              30  17   5   8  49  33  +16  56
  7 Stahlburg City           30  12  11   7  39  26  +13  47
  8 North Laithland          30  12   9   9  44  39   +5  45
  9 Starling                 30  13   5  12  45  34  +11  44
 10 Coret Hawks              30  13   5  12  51  43   +8  44
 11 Southfell United         30  12   8  10  46  43   +3  44
 12 South Laithland          30  12   5  13  32  35   -3  41
 13 Crisisbless United       30  10   7  13  35  51  -16  37
 14 Leichhardt               30   8  12  10  29  37   -8  36
 15 Cranequin Wanderers      30   9   7  14  32  39   -7  34
 16 Aries Chariots           30   8   9  13  45  47   -2  33
 17 Chenoworth Harriers      30   7  12  11  30  39   -9  33
 18 Belgrave                 30   9   5  16  40  59  -19  32
 19 North Sabrefell          30   8   6  16  31  52  -21  30
 20 Chatswood                30   6  10  14  27  42  -15  28
 21 Vermillion Rage          30   7   7  16  38  59  -21  28
 22 Newrook City             30   6   8  16  33  45  -12  26
 23 Creed United             30   5   9  16  29  59  -30  24
 24 Cypher Town              30   3   6  21  20  55  -35  15

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Rovers         30  22   5   3  59  22  +37  71
  2 Stahlburg Rovers          30  21   5   4  61  24  +37  68
  3 Diamondqueen              30  19   5   6  51  29  +22  62
  4 Vermillion Wanderers      30  18   7   5  53  27  +26  61
  5 Brookford Otters          30  18   7   5  51  26  +25  61
  6 Raven River               30  18   7   5  49  25  +24  61
  7 Iron City                 30  11  14   5  31  23   +8  47
  8 Goodfeather FC            30  12   7  11  45  42   +3  43
  9 Corvette Maulers          30  11  10   9  45  42   +3  43
 10 Armstrong                 30  12   6  12  30  26   +4  42
 11 Gonen's Bridge            30  11   9  10  36  41   -5  42
 12 AFC Serpentine            30  10  10  10  45  44   +1  40
 13 Parrhesia United          30   8  12  10  43  44   -1  36
 14 Chardonnay Rangers        30   8  11  11  36  41   -5  35
 15 Morningstar               30   9   7  14  21  33  -12  34
 16 Dartmouth Terriers        30   7  12  11  28  37   -9  33
 17 Bishop                    30   8   8  14  26  40  -14  32
 18 Mantlegrove               30   8   8  14  22  39  -17  32
 19 AFC Rochford              30   8   6  16  26  37  -11  30
 20 Cranequin City            30   7   9  14  29  43  -14  30
 21 Crisisbless Athletic      30   6   8  16  40  49   -9  26
 22 Alliance Barossia         30   8   2  20  21  45  -24  26
 23 Locksley                  30   4   6  20  28  72  -44  18
 24 West Brinemouth           30   3   5  22  25  50  -25  14

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Barossia United            30  18   8   4  58  24  +34  62
  2 Corinthians No Longer      30  17   6   7  69  31  +38  57
  3 Pillars of Southfell       30  15   7   8  41  24  +17  52
  4 Peregrine                  30  15   6   9  50  31  +19  51
  5 Extreme Hills              30  15   4  11  58  46  +12  49
  6 The Strongest              30  14   7   9  66  55  +11  49
  7 Hackett                    30  12  12   6  58  39  +19  48
  8 AFC Shale                  30  13   9   8  37  24  +13  48
  9 Greygate                   30  12  11   7  47  37  +10  47
 10 The Hanged Man             30  12  11   7  33  28   +5  47
 11 Aries Solitaire            30  12   9   9  44  39   +5  45
 12 Ritter Town                30  12   8  10  46  44   +2  44
 13 Boltcroft Thorns           30  12   5  13  43  52   -9  41
 14 Falston United             30  12   5  13  30  43  -13  41
 15 Autumnstone                30  11   7  12  56  63   -7  40
 16 Stonegrave                 30   9  10  11  27  32   -5  37
 17 Riverkey                   30   8  11  11  28  33   -5  35
 18 Ballardine FC              30   8   8  14  32  51  -19  32
 19 Coret Rovers               30   6  11  13  35  43   -8  29
 20 Gosmouth Swans             30   6  10  14  32  49  -17  28
 21 Southriver                 30   7   7  16  26  51  -25  28
 22 Crossroads Town            30   8   2  20  38  62  -24  26
 23 Lazuli Diamonds            30   7   5  18  32  64  -32  26
 24 Martella Jazz              30   5   9  16  41  62  -21  24

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sheridan                     30  18  7   5  46  18  +28  61
  2 Mapleford                    30  17  7   6  50  25  +25  58
  3 Brokenarch                   30  15 10   5  46  25  +21  55
  4 Strephonage                  30  16  7   7  36  27   +9  55
  5 Rochford Pilgrims            30  16  4  10  62  51  +11  52
  6 Kensey Town                  30  14  8   8  56  38  +18  50
  7 Ingram Township              30  14  8   8  31  21  +10  50
  8 East Laithland Harriers      30  16  2  12  50  48   +2  50
  9 Kommissar                    30  14  6  10  49  32  +17  48
 10 Cranequin Souths             30  12  9   9  52  44   +8  45
 11 Hartford Glade               30  12  9   9  43  42   +1  45
 12 Brindleton                   30  11  9  10  36  30   +6  42
 13 Caldwick Strand              30  11  9  10  43  39   +4  42
 14 Iron United                  30  12  5  13  39  40   -1  41
 15 Ox River United              30  10  7  13  28  30   -2  37
 16 South Parrhesia              30   9  8  13  51  63  -12  35
 17 West Hook                    30  10  4  16  28  37   -9  34
 18 Crownsend Journey            30   8 10  12  37  50  -13  34
 19 Fully Sick XI                30   8  7  15  32  51  -19  31
 20 Riverkey Shells              30   7  7  16  33  52  -19  28
 21 Rushe United                 30   6  9  15  42  58  -16  27
 22 Brunyard FC                  30   6  9  15  39  60  -21  27
 23 Downsparrow                  30   7  5  18  34  55  -21  26
 24 Sutcroft                     30   6  4  20  38  65  -27  22

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lockheed Zenith         30  18   5   7  59  34  +25  59
  2 FC Seierstad            30  16   8   6  55  35  +20  56
  3 Lindmark Falcons        30  18   1  11  49  32  +17  55
  4 Ringway                 30  14   7   9  39  36   +3  49
  5 Besand's Folly          30  13   9   8  49  40   +9  48
  6 Sirencall FC            30  13   8   9  35  34   +1  47
  7 Grovebank               30  13   7  10  42  30  +12  46
  8 AFC Hellerine           30  13   7  10  42  38   +4  46
  9 Iberia Chenoworth       30  13   6  11  57  50   +7  45
 10 Harrington              30  13   4  13  43  48   -5  43
 11 Sutcroft Athletic       30  12   5  13  33  38   -5  41
 12 Boleyn Town             30   9  12   9  31  36   -5  39
 13 Stonesthrow Town        30  10   8  12  26  30   -4  38
 14 Courser                 30   8  10  12  33  38   -5  34
 15 Chenoworth Teutons      30   9   7  14  26  33   -7  34
 16 Fischer                 30   9   6  15  35  44   -9  33
 17 AFC Feuerweiss          30   8   7  15  30  40  -10  31
 18 AFC Mittelmarch         30   6  12  12  21  33  -12  30
 19 Fenland Albion          30   7   7  16  27  40  -13  28
 20 Sleetwell Rangers       30   6   8  16  31  54  -23  26

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Constance Park            30  14  12   4  35  16  +19  54
  2 Rookwall                  30  17   2  11  43  34   +9  53
  3 New Oakstone Phoenix      30  14  10   6  49  29  +20  52
  4 Latin Enclave FC          30  14   8   8  69  49  +20  50
  5 Brookford Vantablack      30  13   9   8  46  32  +14  48
  6 Corvistone City           30  14   6  10  37  25  +12  48
  7 Long Lake                 30  13   8   9  33  28   +5  47
  8 Bodkin Road               30  13   7  10  50  38  +12  46
  9 The Travellers FC         30  13   5  12  41  35   +6  44
 10 Northside Eagles          30  13   5  12  51  46   +5  44
 11 AFC Volksgarten           30  13   5  12  38  33   +5  44
 12 Twelvetrees               30  12   7  11  30  30   +0  43
 13 Longwinter                30  11   9  10  44  41   +3  42
 14 Barhara Cavaliers         30   9   9  12  39  50  -11  36
 15 Aries Tigers              30   9   7  14  42  57  -15  34
 16 Gridlock                  30   8   9  13  22  35  -13  33
 17 Markoni                   30   8   8  14  32  48  -16  32
 18 AFC Burchess              30   8   7  15  34  52  -18  31
 19 AFC Davenport             30   6   6  18  36  59  -23  24
 20 Blaze                     30   6   5  19  31  65  -34  23

by **Nephara** » Thu Mar 05, 2020 12:36 am

A study of contrasts in Sabrefell. Belgrave are very much in Adalheid Metzelder’s image; brash, flamboyant, confident and very, very good value. Newrook are… similarly dysfunctional, and now Gareth Penrooke will need to be the man who fixes it. A Moths stalwart midfielder in his playing days, a journeyman with experience in three nations in his coaching career, and with a quiet but intense force of personality. Penrooke realises that his central defence is spectacularly inadequate, a 19-year old and a 37-year old, and they need cover first and foremost, so a double pivot of brutalist Fallon and workhorse Brandtner offers control and protection. He also recognises that Olivia Nygard is past her best, so Duffy sticks it alone up front, backed up by a fluid attacking trident of Voeller, Bronson and, strangely, Dassi Constantine - a 20-year old more known as a striker, but the team doesn’t really have natural wingers. Here, it works. Duffy opens and closes the scoreline, with Constantine setting up Voeller with an assist on her first league start of the season. “I respect my predecessor greatly,” Penrooke bluntly says after the match, “but he tried the same thing for twenty-nine league games and it kept not working. I believe in my players to adapt to a working system.”

Creed score for the first time in four games against Sabrefell Moths… and go down 4-1 regardless. Their last three had ended in an aggregate 11-0. They haven’t won in twelve games. Diandra Ballard may be a World Cup winner, but she just hasn’t had it in her to arrest this slide. Catheline Harper takes over, having just been relegated with Chenoworth Rovers… but damn it, she can motivate a team. Despite all the palaver of last match, Corvistone slip from the top again; Coret have the firepower and panache, cantering to a 3-1 lead at half-time, and goals from wingers Ulreich and Catley can only level the scores while Crisisbless blaze past Chenoworth. Treason look, for one, like they’re taking the high path in a 2-0 win against Stahlburg, more brain than brawn in beating their hated rivals, North Sabrefell and Vermillion claim three invaluable points over midtable sides and Sabrefell Athletic smash six unanswered goals past Folami Adekoya in Leichhardt.

Maybe at the very bottom there is still hope? Crisisbless Athletic can be at least somewhat content with a draw against Chardonnay, Tristan Young’s thumping header at one end making up somewhat for a scuffed pass leading to the Rangers’ goal at the other, and Alliance fall flat against Cranequin with usual hero Non missing two chances he should had buried. But though Morningstar get a rare goal to take the lead over a porous Locksley, they’re too passive over the next hour; Kreisburg’s goal in the 80th and Stubbs’ in injury time hands the Brewers a deserved victory, for all Morena Camberwell rages about imagined offsides. And West Brinemouth pulverise Gonen’s Bridge 4-1, though at this stage their season is just a matter of their better players auditioning to stay in the league, not the club itself.

Corvistone make heavy weather of Chatswood, suddenly seeming weary and heavy-legged for a scoreless first hour. Eventually, inevitably, Caulker finds space to curl in a lethal low cross, Rehan Garrett hops over it in flight and Ivana Henderson drives home her twelfth league goal of a standout season. It would be so easy for Corvistone’s heads to drop… but they don’t. They dominate the rest of the game, Yonen levels with a lofted header that Williams scrambles to fail to save before Baba Warrington bursts through the heart of the Axes’ defence to smash home a crafty through-ball from Rachel Arniston. So that passes the buck to Crisisbless… who try and fail to contain Brinemouth, a strong layered defence appearing oddly static in the face of Brinemouth’s passing, a beautiful passing move flowing from Spencer through five others to Tidesson heading home at the far post, leaping like a salmon over a flat-footed Teffeteller. Crisisbless get a way back in through a penalty, Quintero slammed to the floor by an unusually foolhardy Close… but the Heelers have oddly failed to find a good penalty taker this season. Abylon, Laiota and Bowman have all missed, and now so has Moira Woakes, who smashes hers against the crossbar. Desya Kuznetsov does what he does to make it 2-0 late on; the Dockers are back in the chase, and the Crows are back on top of the table.

Elsewhere at the top, Sabrefell Moths just have too much drive and vision for an overly static Treason side. It ends 2-0; it could have been more, but Angel Clavel is in fine form between the posts. And Cathal Turner misses a chance to complete a hat-trick by complacently air-swinging at Reach’s far post pass. Coret get into a second straight 3-3, Fiona Norval with a brace on a rare start, but the Harriers fighting back from 3-1 down at half-time through Stensholt’s penalty and a wickedly swerving winner from Sigrun Rivers, who absolutely still has it at 30. Belgrave’s own aging winger, Aura Keynes, celebrates her 31st birthday with a goal and an assist against Crisisbless United. There’s speculation that Karii Bruun, given a rest today, might be headed to the Moths next season; on this evidence, backup Karius Mosin has some way to go to match her after giving Keynes too much respect. Newrook also get a much-needed boost, South Laithland squandering their chances. Mostly, though, their issue is that they keep trying to cross, a fine idea since it’s about all Johanna Rosen can do anyway, except that heading crosses out is about all that the antique Nkembe can do these days, and certainly it’s no issue for the 1.5 satyrs in Newrook’s defence. Duffy and Bronson strike at the other end. Creed dominate Southfell in Catheline Harper’s first game, and God is Harper delighted on the sidelines. Given a rare start, Justina Donau doubles her goal tally for the season, to four, showing enough liveliness to suggest maybe she should’ve been here the entire time.

Another win for West Brinemouth, another offensive performance with all the punch of an overcooked tagliatelli from Morningstar, the Gulls dominant in midfield and resolute at the back, and a rare goalkeeping error from Jakob Carter proving Stars’ downfall. Their back line was being pressed, Strauss rolled the ball back to Carter, Carter took his eye off the ball, swung for a kick and scuffed it into Guegan, who was just about alert enough to drag the ball into the empty net. Locksley, unlike the Gulls, can’t make it two from two; Bishop plow them down 4-0, while Diamondqueen crush Crisisbless Athletic 6-0, and Alliance are the only ones of the bottom four to score but lose regardless. Dartmouth manage to hold Chenoworth silent, a weirdly virtuoso performance from former Crisisbless striker Klaus Breisgau who might not manage to get on the scoresheet but manages to waste a staggering amount of the Rovers’ time whenever anyone hoofs the ball his way...

Treason and Olympia clash in a slightly dull tactical affair, but Treason are thrown off just seven minutes in, Natasa Horvat playing provider for strike partner Auguste Alder to smash home an inelegant but efficient opener. Treason have the faintly better of the game from there, but it takes until the 89th minute for them to finally make good on that, Metzger finds a different way to play provider. By smashing into Persson in search of a ball from Jonsson, letting John Fletcher drive home the loose ball. Goals from Aedelbrandt and Vol make for a relatively comfortable evening in Sabrefell for the Moths, Konrad Gosforth’s return to Nephara marked in style through Tawny Shone repeatedly ankle-tapping him. Brinemouth can’t say the same. Bluntly, Spartangrad pulverise them. 3-0 by half-time with Lui Wceil running the show, 5-1 by full time, the tie’s over before it started.

Mixed results across the new CC, though it might not be the equivalent to the old CC. Sabrefell Athletic cruise to victory against Venividicci, Oscar Coltrane turning back the years with just that little bit more room to operate. He doesn’t directly get any of the three goals or their assists, but he’s running the show regardless. Starling, by contrast, are deeply indifferent against Jungle Strike in arguably the marquee clash of the round, but Valentine Roxel boldly hurls himself into a lost cause to flick on a header for Dostalok, reacting fast, to whip past the ‘keeper on the first touch. A lifeline. A resolute defensive showing from the Privateers shuts down Crisisbless, but the bluntly indifferent (and indifferently blunt) quality of Marque’s forwards betrays them on a day when none can bury their chances.

For the first time in a tournament where the Saints have acquitted themselves so, so well, they just come up against an opponent bigger, harder, more cynical and better at football than they are. Parrhesia’s highest-paid attacker is Sigrun Barota, who is 33, spent her prime in Chromatika and is regarded broadly as a troublemaker. Zozi have Laborious Hawk behind Valrauncion and Thor Audbjornsson. The Saints barely get a sniff, trying just to survive more than anything with Reus left to carve a lonely furrow in attack in the vague hopes that someone finds her on the break. They don’t.

Starling fans will be having nightmares about this one for some time. Maybe feeling even worse now than they did at half-time, which would be impressive since at half-time they were standing around like idiots, 3-0 down, on home soil. But then in the 47th minute, something special happens. Liam Armstrong, over a set piece, always dangerous. Arcs it hard over the wall - well, not quite, as Gabrielle Reinhardt’s head helps glance it juuuust past Aurelian Gautier. And then Armstrong plays in Netzach, who cuts cleverly back for Roebling, who cuts it across the face of goal for Dostalok to slide in and tap home another. And then a thumping strike from Roebling can only be palmed onto the inside of the post by Gautier, bouncing helplessly back across the line, and Dostalok sprinting fast to stab home the loose ball. 3-3. And Starling in the ascendancy. And-- wait, no, absolutely senselessly Amalie Asghar goes in murderously for Anja Ruthenbeck, who’s just kind of loitering arond the edge of the box. Ruthenbeck obliges by falling over, Tarala obliges by driving home the penalty.

Stahlburg City’s scoreless draw against the Moths can be taken in one of two ways. Positives: it’s a strong, resolute performance, a point against a powerful opponent. Cathal Turner looks particularly infuriated by the final whistle, with Xandra Cooke having marked him out of the game. But, negatives: if they really want to think of themselves as being in the higher echelons of the Premiership, should they not have tried a little… harder, to win? Corvistone and Crisisbless both lose to relegation fighters, Newrook edge Creed in the fight of the clubs who desperately fired their managers, Vermillion edge out North Laithland due to Erinys Hart, who scores the only goal of the game against her hometown club, hwile Southfell absolutely demolish Aries.

Goodfeather smash Locksley 5-0 away, continuing the theme of a very solid season that might just grease a Premiership move for Tremeka Godwin or Kathil Mizumaru, each bought on a free a year and a half ago, now potentially valued over three million apiece. And continuing Locksley’s theme of being trash. West Brinemouth’s mini-renaissance also stalls out with a pathetic showing to Bishop, penned in their own half - any hope of a glorious fightback dead by the half-hour, with Vorster driving home the winner by 23 minutes in and Chambers getting senselessly sent off four minutes later. Cranequin City’s backslide has largely passed under the radar, but after Gonen’s Bridge punch through them, one has to ask; could they make it two in a row in the worst way?

Few goals on the whole, and the tension is all in Eastfield Lodge. Again, Olympia score first, but this time it’s in line with the run of play as the wily Horvat nutmegs Lockheed with a perfectly-timed ball that finds the bursting run of Mihaljevic, who need only slide it past Clavel as he flies out past him. Treason have to play against the metaphorical wind, pushing against fate, and Angel Clavel makes more than a few good saves. But late on, a ferocious header from Lockheed can only be tipped onto the post by Persson, and unglamorous substitute Saturn Mastiff reacts fastest to poke home the rebound. Pity that none of it matters; Persson excels himself in the shootout, and Clavel’s no pushover either, but Bawany drives home the winner after three consecutive misses between the two sides. Sabrefell stroll to victory in Oldem, bringing out veteran striker Joan Vickers for a rare start, the relic having been a hero in the city. For Mechanical. Sadly, she doesn’t score, but Reach does. Brinemouth and Spartangrad, well, that isn’t even a match at this stage.

Athletic labour through most of the match against Venividicci, but an early strike from Lucas and a late one from Harriet Corver finish off the tie. Starling go to Vilita, and almost immediately go down… or so they think, when Marica Kuepper’s strike is chalked off for offside. They can’t make the most of the reprieve, Armstrong’s only goal of the game insufficient to turn the tide. Crisisbless are resilient but uninspired against Marque, who are also resilient but uninspired. Privateer goalkeeper Scanlan Pritchard makes an impressive double save from Abylon, then Woakes, but can only spill that into the path of Cass Quintero, who does finally score.

Strange, isn’t it, just how much easier it can be on home soil? Suddenly Parrhesia look across the pitch and just see 11v11. Zozi are defensively disciplined and with a hotly contested title race to, well, contest, are using the opportunity to rest a couple star forwards, but it’s still a real feat when young leftback Vesuvius Feist slides a ball across for Barota, who nutmegs her man to get it back to Feist, who shapes for the cross, stutters, and cuts back instead to meet the run of Adele Rosborough… Rosborough clearly wants to hit it first time but she knows better, takes the touch and then guides it low past Breeze. Parrhesia crash out anyway, but it’s a nice win in isolation. They’ve done the league credit, and shown people the strength of depth of the Nepharim pyramid.

Wasn’t so long ago that Cypher and Vermillion were languishing around at the bottom of the table, but the Rage have been on the rise lately. This despite refraining from the tactic of giving Cralt-Nirlo the flick… related note, Creed and Newrook both lose today. Today the Rage have a trip to the Marches (as in, the southeast border between the Laith and civilisation, not Nephara generally, do keep up, foreigners) to play Cypher, who have made no fist at all at survival but mostly just inconvenienced people. Predictably, Kynda-Sevet sets up Andrea Bereveskos - who has been setting about this season like a personal ordeal for her beloved hometown - to almost golf-wedge home a chip over Leila Ramelow, who has picked up a terrible wandering habit this season. So they have an hour to overcome that. Fortunately, Cypher also have a once-great goalkeeper picking up eccentricities in their early 30s, a cross from Hart floating into the net with Ruo Xiaolan declining to really do anything about it on its way over her head. And Hart, who has had a bizarrely strong renaissance over the past couple of weeks, then slips past the sluggish Morgan Halfhill before playing Syrene Fleetwood through, and from there the midfielder shoots hard, across Ruo. Still an excellent shot-stopper, Ruo does get hands on it… but only to push it into Danica Heward’s knee, the striker falling over Ruo’s prostrate body to follow her winning goal into the net.

At the top of the table, it continues rather to seem as though everyone’s getting vertigo. Chatswood beat Brinemouth in what is a typical fixture between two sides that really do not like one another after one too many final-day clashes, and for all that Nova Williams has occasionally been erratic, she makes nine fine saves in a true all-hands-on-deck performance. As, honestly, the Axes beat the shit out of the Dockers every chance they get. It’s a brutal game, and surprisingly the normally cultured Prentice gets sent off (Bischoff and Heidt should really follow), but Severa Conleth manages the only goal of the game and continues to burnish her legend. Coret eviscerate Cranequin 4-0 even without a contribution up front, as Kasmiir and Okafor - backed up by Bezemer’s moral support, rather than having a second striker ahead of them - stride confidently through the midfield, interplay splendidly with one another, and smash home two goals apiece.

Bishop get their third straight win against a strong opponent, with River over-reliant on long shots. “I told the lads to test their boy, Strom,” says River manager Eoin Killanen post-match, before clarifying, “because he’s shit.” Indeed, one from Crowe slips by that shouldn’t have, but Beckwith and the veteran Jeanes make up for it at the other end. Brookford point out to Armstrong fans that their woes aren’t over just yet, massacring them 4-0 as Gratia Barker stalks the touchline looking unimpressed. Parrhesia and Diamondqueen go hammer-and-tongs at one another until the Diamonds run out of steam with twenty minutes to go. The Saints do not, and a brace off the bench from Raven Dallas helps massage their recovery.

With a draw this hilariously top-loaded, you’d swear the NFA wanted another lower-league champion. But at least one half of it will be a Premiership side, most likely Coret, the only ones of the four not in a relegation dogfight. That said, nobody here rests players. They can sense glory. Belgrave and Cranequin perhaps let the pressure get to them - one way or another, theirs is a stifled game, and while Belgrave don’t cope well with being choked down one moment of inspiration from Kotaro Katsura secures a slim advantage. Coret also come calling in north Sabrefell, and a professional performance backed by a screamer from Otalia Kasmiir that slammed off the inside of the crossbar on its way in secures an away goal and a lead going into the home leg. That leaves Vermillion, who one imagines should make short work of Jess Hearn’s Extreme Hills, but that doesn’t quite materialise. Poor defensive work gives the Hounds their chances, and while the Rage go into the break 2-1 up and finish the game 4-2, there’s a sense that anything could happen in the Laith. Parrhesia, meanwhile, come somewhat unstuck at The Hanged Man, who know how to attack set pieces that the Saints can’t defend and also how to hold out under immense pressure. The Saints command 72% possession, but it matters not when nobody can actually get the ball past the surprisingly spry veteran goalkeeper Olivia Selkie.

Jesus Christ! What is with Spartangrad’s uncanny ability to fucking dismantle Nepharim sides over the past month or so? First Brinemouth, and that had the Stags laughing, but now...

One dusty night in Creed, with its typical rust-coloured air and angry people who make paralytically strong craft beer. Ten goals. The Oathmen’s new manager could never have been accused of being sophisticated; Catheline Harper’s tactics appear to boil down to ‘rush the cunts’, and arrayed against Hadrian Belfast’s rather more technical pressing game, it has a bit of a rugby feel to it. Just feel sorry for Goodlight Wynder, who has a lazy clearance optimistically blocked by a high boot from a rushing Conway, the bounce flukily falling for Donau to cut back for Barbarouses to drive home the opener. The Crows have to press higher… and get done on the break, twice, Donau notching a brace. Senninger’s forced into action at last, brilliantly tipping over a strike from Morham… only for Morham’s corner to be smashed home by the hulking Calcipher Heston. Not to worry; Taani’s header makes it 4-1 in the 41st minute, fellow satyr Yonen makes it 4-2 in the 43rd, and Catley hits a post in injury time. Anyone ask their team to calm down in the second half? No; Belfast needs the goals, and Harper’s… herself. Creed extend their lead through Conrad and from there it’s just Corvistone chasing, Ulreich pulling one back before the big gun of Warrington’s finally brought off the bench, just in time for Barbarouses to make it 6-3 with a vicious free kick that Feldman spills, and in injury time, a rejuvenated Lyre Castor - dropped by Ballard, restored by Harper - makes everything worse by scoring her second of the season to make it seven.

You could have got slightly over half that level of excitement in Sabrefell, mathematically speaking, as North Sabrefell score first through Simone Cheney and then try and keep up the momentum rather than doing the sensible thing of holding back defensively. As a result, they get torn apart. Belgrave, too, try to a fault to play their own game against Brinemouth, who play the same thing but three times as well. 4-1 is the result, and not in the Gargoyles’ favour, though their fans do applaud them off for the effort. Starling get five goals themselves, utterly destroying a Cypher side for whom, really, can they really still say that Henrick Barden is the best choice for parachuting them into the First Division? With a record like this? And Chatswood absolutely dominate Cranequin Wanderers, rather gliding to victory. Mostly, even their wins have felt laboured to date, struggling for midfield presence and sheer goals, but in a 4-2-3-1 that just lets Ivana Henderson rove as the lone spearhead, the hidden benefit is that Andrea Prentice can run the show, chalking up all three assists on the night as Bischoff and Vollath cover her tracks.

Yet again, Parrhesia? Yes, the irrepressible Saints have racked up yet another meme scoreline, going 4-4 against Mantlegrove. In fairness, Obasi is focusing on the Cup right now (as well he might; the Saints aren’t going up or down) but a very young side impresses. Up front. For the likes of Reyson and George, it may be a while longer before they’re thrown at the deep end. Bridge continue to stick their nose where it doesn’t belong, a heroic rearguard action denying Stahlburg Rovers before the simple action of a Tawney cross, a Herron knockdown and a Spinnett finish see them off. A typically mercurial River thrash Goodfeather 4-0, with a typically Farfish Chuy Villaverde scoring twice from rightback against a side rigid to a fault, while Brookford make similarly, brutally short work of a Crisisbless Athletic side badly missing Kimon Heidelberg.

Coret make short work of North Sabrefell, cruising to victory without conceding a goal over the two legs. Vermillion surprise people as well by not wilting under pressure. They just go to the Laith, they face Extreme Hills - a vastly inferior side - put four goals past Alderweiss in fairly workmanlike fashion and go home. But they will be denied their Vermillion derby, just as Belgrave - ultimately triumphant over Cranequin Wanderers, thanks to a 87th minute diving header from Meredith Sloan that broke a deadlock - were denied theirs. The Saints invite THM home. And… nothing happens. They can’t pass with the swiftness or incision or purpose they need, and THM just kind of sit there in unblinking formation, shuffling from flank to flank, until a long ball over the top from Madonis is headed to the flank by Busch, the Saints defence freezes, Nikola Stavros takes the ball on the chest and fires past an incandescent Veluca Austen. The only goal of the game, though Parrhesia fans will make much of a penalty shout that, realistically, Sigrun Barota milked the hell out of.

Spartangrad 12-1 The Classic. Massacre, humiliation. Lui bloody Wceil.

It seems inevitable at this stage that Starling’s golden age is coming to an end… though such things are relative. Fifteen years ago, the thought of Starling finishing in the top ten with a 15m striker keeping a former Nephara international out of the side would have seemed fanciful, a pipe dream. But a visit to Crisisbless shows just how high the standard is at the top, and how miraculous it was that Starling were ever able to keep up. Amos’ Christmas tree seems to offer three markers in midfield, one for each of that lethal trident of Quintero, Woakes and Bowman… but they’re all players to eclipse their chasers, and each scores a goal in a 3-0 rout. Crisisbless are honed to such a fine point that it’s difficult to see precisely how they could be improved beyond a truly world-class striker. Starling… well, Starling’s three substitutes were Nevaeh Cathar, struggling to get back to her best at 31, Leif Flaxwood at 20, and Fernand Way, who shouldn’t really be in the 25 at all.

Their competitors keep chase, though; Brinemouth sweep South Laithland away by the same scoreline, with the double-layered midfield outmaneuvring the Southrons’ two blunt ranks at every turn, while Corvistone have to dig deep to beat the Stags; 1-1 by the 80th minute, Rachel Arniston and Sonya Latimore come off the bench to pull them ahead at the death. Vermillion also take yet another impressive win, with the makeshift midfield of Konse, Hooper and Fleetwood appearing to finally be the winning formula. They dominate the ball against Coret, and with that, dominate Coret themselves; the Hawks have absolutely no control over the match, and with Ramona Porter having by far the better of the aging rightback Hamilton, all Vermillion have to do is hit balls over the top down the vulnerable flank. The result; a valiant 4-1 win away from home. Chatswood show they have some teeth even missing Ivana Henderson through an ill-timed suspension, Esmond Moore leading the line with a rare confidence as he and Conleth sink a toothless Leichhardt 2-0, while Newrook suffer a reality check as the Moths bulldoze them 3-0.

Parrhesia’s remarkable run of conceding four goals in two straight league games becomes three, as Iron City come to town. It’s considerate of Obasi, already growing a good reputation for developing Nepharim youth, to help Palina Leopold and Xandra Vermouth to a brace apiece. Leopold is Premiership-bound without a doubt, a peerless winger at this level, while Vermouth has everything but the finishing touch. West Brinemouth’s 1-0 win in Armstrong mounts for calls for Gratia Barker, for what would make a record four managers in one season… but the bulk of the base knows it’s premature, and there’s no talk from the club of her axing. Cranequin City are mauled 3-0 by Goodfeather, who make them look utterly prehistoric with their smooth passing. Dan Keel is only in the job for his past remarkable feats, a fact he’s at pains to point out to the press. But then he adds, more cryptically, “when I leave, it will be by my decision alone.” When, not if. Which, yes, of course he’ll not be bound to the club ‘til the day he dies, but...

Strike again! What luck for Athletic! And sadly it appears the Vilitan giants have rather the measure of Nepharim sides this year, Marica Kuepper helping them to a comfortable 2-0 win at the Barbarossa. Crisisbless enjoy rather better fortune against Galatica, controlling the tempo of the match through their cultured midfield, but a solid rearguard action limits their chances. Damion Bowman’s quiet way of finding or making breaches pays off, but they might be made to regret not running up the score.

A brilliant weekend for the Dockers. Corvistone can’t break down the characteristically resilient Stahlburg City, and slide to fourth after it just seems like they’re running a little short on legs. The Moths overtake them by pulverising Crisisbless United 4-0, an uncharacteristic trainwreck of an evening for the Chequers’ emerging star centre-half Cedella Verlander. And when you have a bad day facing Vol and Turner, you get found out. Crisisbless slip from the top as Southfell equalise late with one of those goals where time just seems to stand still - oh, God, is that ricochet of the post really falling straight to Lyzolda Petrov in injury time? - allowing Brinemouth to crush Creed 3-0 and ride to the top on goal difference. Three points split the top four. Athletic’s win and Treason’s disappointing home draw against Chenoworth entrench them in the top six, with Stahlburg pulling up the rope ladder somewhat. Starling are crab-syndromed by Coret in brutal fashion to fall four points adrift. Starling 1, Coret 7. And yes, Cesar Corvalan - who has not, really, been a good signing - gets a hat-trick against his estranged former side, fairly restrained at the first, shushing the home fans by the third. 7-1! How does that even happen?

Pick your favourite stat; after Vermillion beat down Chatswood 2-0, have they won seven from nine in all competitions, or lost just one from thirteen? Whichever way you slice it, Cralt-Nirlo’s turned it around, Vermillion are now 14th and don’t look likely to be sucked into the relegation battle any longer. Chatswood themselves don’t entirely convince, while Belgrave’s 4-1 thrashing of Leichhardt underlines which way the wind is blowing; both Axes and Stargazers are just three points above the drop, with Cranequin closer still after a poor performance in South Laithland exacerbates a recent poor stretch. They’re both relieved to see Newrook and North Sabrefell, occupying the top 1.5 slots of death, grind each other down to a frustrating 1-1 draw, Tom Duffy getting himself sent off for yellow cards consisting of ‘dissent’ and ‘booting a ball away’ to really steam Gareth Penrooke’s beans. Creed are six points adrift despite recent small-scale successes. Cypher are all but gone.

The top four all entrench themselves, with Brookford and Diamondqueen both beaten without scoring to see River overhaul them both. Chenoworth Rovers batter Iron 3-0, yet another frictionless victory for Chris Waller’s smooth operation. Vermillion Wanderers hold onto second with a 5-1 thrashing of Chardonnay while, not to be undone, Stahlburg crush Bishop 6-1. River, to take the playoff place, batter a very young-looking Armstrong 5-0. Iron’s defeat to Chenoworth not only shows Lara Dixon the magnitude of her task at hand but also widens the game to a surely insurmountable fourteen points away from even potential promotion, though they are at least the best of the rest by now.

The big news at the bottom is that after Laegjarn Martyn’s brutal strike is palmed away by Qatintiki but can only spin wildly behind her into the net, and after that proves the only thing separating West Brinemouth from Crisisbless Athletic, the Gulls are now well and truly back in the relegation dogfight. Which, okay, not great, but it beats the hell out of being truly dead and buried as everyone assumed. They’re three points adrift, now; Alliance are two, having been the latest name on Goodfeather’s recent chopping block, Markus Rose shipping five. And Athletic themselves are ‘it’, and three points adrift from true safety as Rochford… well, Rochford get to play Locksley, and while they make slightly heavy weather of it, Mariza Selke’s strike is the game’s only goal (despite a tense finale, with Ilary Townes quite lucky not to give away a penalty for an arguable late handball) and so they do come away with three points. That reins in the likes of Dartmouth and Mantlegrove, who draw one another scoreless, and the too-good-to-go-down-surely-right-maybe teams in Cranequin and Morningstar, both defeated. Gonen’s Bridge remain, stubbornly, nowhere to be seen. But good for them, one supposes.

When Brancaleone Arcuri - once briefly linked with Corvistone - opens the scoring for Galatica, you always believe the Heelers can get back into it, despite the derogatory feelings of what makes a Heeler (losing at key moments, mostly). They duly do, Laiota and Quintero killing off their opponents with style and swagger. When Strike open the scoring, you believe the tie’s over. Which it is.

Helping Barossia United to seven wins from their last eight, Markus Teamster might be set to skip the second tier altogether and leap into the top in the off-season. A true midfield general who backs his technique with uncompromising muscle, Teamster’s worked beautifully in tandem with Vasilis Nikas as a double pivot. The issue is that Nikas will retire after this season, and the Boars surrendering both their midfield core is… unlikely. Oh, yeah, and 1Div is also a massive step up from 2Div, let alone the top flight.

Aries Solitaire have abruptly turned around their form under Katrina Wheelhouse, winning five of her seven games so far to climb up to fourth. A 1-0 away win over the Strongest was particularly impressive, with an overhauled defence coping admirably under pressure. Wheelhouse brought a friend with her from the U23s in the form of Gareth Timekeeper, a 17-year old defensive midfielder who made his starting debut against the Strongest and immediately put the game under his heel. He was released from Raven River’s academy at 15… will they regret that decision, one wonders?

The Hanged Man have had an unusually spectacular season, despite not really being tipped to do much of anything. Not only are they in the Cup semifinals inexplicably, but they’re also seventh, though a narrow defeat to Hacket hauled them back somewhat. This despite scoring barely over a goal a game! Warren Orwell really does know this division, though, and can get the best from an experienced squad - and 36-year old Olivia Selkie might have been the best goalkeeper in the league this season. Keep in mind, though, that just nine points split Peregrine in 5th from Falston in 16th.

Riverkey leftback Tasha Avery has made her feelings clear in a recent interview with a Vermillion newspaper, saying that the club is ‘a trainwreck’ and ‘a perversion of the professional game’, that new manager Janus Gligor is a ‘clown’, and that she just wants to go home to ‘a real club’ again. She’s promptly spotted in the stands watching a Parrhesia game. Janus Gligor, in turn, coldly decides that Avery is no longer welcome back at the club; the Seagulls promptly get demolished 4-0 by lowly Martella Jazz.

Coret Rovers are sticking by their young manager, Valery Cain. That may prove to be a mistake. For a side that proudly refused to die in 1Div for many years, 3Div at this stage seems… unpalatable, to say the least. Their one saving grace is former Vermillion Rage striker, Haroun Maynard, unusually near his prime for a player, well, here. The 28-year old has scored nineteen, scarily close to half Rovers’ total, and whether or not the Rovers live - they’re two points above the guaranteed relegation places, three points from Southriver in 20th - he might have a return to 1Div in his sights.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               37  24   8   5  87  42  +45  80
  2 Crisisbless              37  25   5   7  75  32  +43  80
  3 Sabrefell Moths          37  25   4   8  74  39  +35  79
  4 AFC Corvistone           37  23   8   6  74  44  +30  77
  5 Sabrefell Athletic       37  21  10   6  84  50  +34  73
  6 AFC Treason              37  21   6  10  62  42  +20  69
  7 Stahlburg City           37  16  12   9  47  32  +15  60
  8 Starling                 37  17   5  15  63  52  +11  56
  9 Coret Hawks              37  16   7  14  74  57  +17  55
 10 Southfell United         37  14  11  12  59  52   +7  53
 11 North Laithland          37  14   9  14  51  52   -1  51
 12 South Laithland          37  13   7  17  39  47   -8  46
 13 Belgrave                 37  13   6  18  54  71  -17  45
 14 Vermillion Rage          37  12   8  17  50  64  -14  44
 15 Crisisbless United       37  12   8  17  41  65  -24  44
 16 Aries Chariots           37  10  11  16  53  59   -6  41
 17 Chenoworth Harriers      37   8  16  13  40  50  -10  40
 18 Chatswood                37   9  12  16  36  48  -12  39
 19 Leichhardt               37   9  12  16  31  58  -27  39
 20 Cranequin Wanderers      37  10   8  19  37  54  -17  38
 21 Newrook City             37   9   9  19  44  58  -14  36
 22 North Sabrefell          37   9   8  20  37  65  -28  35
 23 Creed United             37   7   9  21  41  75  -34  30
 24 Cypher Town              37   4   7  26  26  71  -45  19

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Rovers         37  27   7   3  73  24  +49  88
  2 Vermillion Wanderers      37  24   8   5  70  32  +38  80
  3 Stahlburg Rovers          37  24   7   6  73  31  +42  79
  4 Raven River               37  22   9   6  64  29  +35  75
  5 Brookford Otters          37  22   8   7  65  33  +32  74
  6 Diamondqueen              37  23   5   9  70  42  +28  74
  7 Iron City                 37  15  16   6  43  28  +15  61
  8 Corvette Maulers          37  15  11  11  54  49   +5  56
  9 Goodfeather FC            37  15   9  13  59  49  +10  54
 10 AFC Serpentine            37  14  12  11  57  50   +7  54
 11 Gonen's Bridge            37  15   9  13  43  52   -9  54
 12 Parrhesia United          37  12  13  12  62  61   +1  49
 13 Armstrong                 37  13   8  16  35  41   -6  47
 14 Chardonnay Rangers        37  10  12  15  44  56  -12  42
 15 Bishop                    37  11   9  17  36  51  -15  42
 16 Mantlegrove               37   9  12  16  31  52  -21  39
 17 Cranequin City            37   9  10  18  35  52  -17  37
 18 Morningstar               37   9  10  18  25  42  -17  37
 19 Dartmouth Terriers        37   7  14  16  34  50  -16  35
 20 AFC Rochford              37   9   7  21  29  47  -18  34
 21 Crisisbless Athletic      37   7  10  20  44  66  -22  31
 22 Alliance Barossia         37   9   3  25  27  58  -31  30
 23 West Brinemouth           37   7   7  23  33  53  -20  28
 24 Locksley                  37   5   6  26  31  89  -58  21

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Barossia United            37  24   8   5  77  29  +48  80
  2 Corinthians No Longer      37  21   8   8  79  37  +42  71
  3 Pillars of Southfell       37  19   9   9  51  27  +24  66
  4 Aries Solitaire            37  17  10  10  60  45  +15  61
  5 Peregrine                  37  17   8  12  61  42  +19  59
  6 Greygate                   37  15  12  10  59  47  +12  57
  7 The Hanged Man             37  15  12  10  41  36   +5  57
  8 The Strongest              37  16   8  13  75  67   +8  56
  9 Hackett                    37  14  13  10  66  48  +18  55
 10 AFC Shale                  37  14  12  11  43  33  +10  54
 11 Extreme Hills              37  16   6  15  67  60   +7  54
 12 Stonegrave                 37  14  12  11  39  38   +1  54
 13 Ritter Town                37  14  10  13  54  52   +2  52
 14 Autumnstone                37  14  10  13  64  69   -5  52
 15 Boltcroft Thorns           37  15   6  16  54  63   -9  51
 16 Falston United             37  14   8  15  37  50  -13  50
 17 Riverkey                   37  10  12  15  36  46  -10  42
 18 Ballardine FC              37  11   9  17  40  61  -21  42
 19 Gosmouth Swans             37   9  11  17  42  64  -22  38
 20 Southriver                 37  10   8  19  31  57  -26  38
 21 Coret Rovers               37   7  14  16  45  57  -12  35
 22 Martella Jazz              37   8   9  20  51  76  -25  33
 23 Crossroads Town            37   9   4  24  43  70  -27  31
 24 Lazuli Diamonds            37   8   7  22  37  78  -41  31

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sheridan                     37  22  10   5  58  22  +36  76
  2 Brokenarch                   37  20  10   7  60  33  +27  70
  3 Strephonage                  37  21   7   9  48  35  +13  70
  4 Rochford Pilgrims            37  21   6  10  78  57  +21  69
  5 Mapleford                    37  19   9   9  63  40  +23  66
  6 Kensey Town                  37  17  10  10  66  49  +17  61
  7 Kommissar                    37  17   9  11  61  39  +22  60
  8 Ingram Township              37  15  13   9  40  29  +11  58
  9 Hartford Glade               37  16  10  11  59  49  +10  58
 10 East Laithland Harriers      37  18   3  16  59  58   +1  57
 11 Brindleton                   37  15  11  11  46  36  +10  56
 12 Caldwick Strand              37  14  11  12  54  49   +5  53
 13 Cranequin Souths             37  13  12  12  55  53   +2  51
 14 Iron United                  37  15   6  16  47  50   -3  51
 15 Ox River United              37  12  10  15  36  39   -3  46
 16 Crownsend Journey            37  11  10  16  46  62  -16  43
 17 West Hook                    37  12   6  19  38  48  -10  42
 18 South Parrhesia              37  11   8  18  60  76  -16  41
 19 Fully Sick XI                37  10   8  19  41  67  -26  38
 20 Riverkey Shells              37   8  11  18  42  62  -20  35
 21 Downsparrow                  37   9   7  21  41  67  -26  34
 22 Brunyard FC                  37   7  11  19  48  73  -25  32
 23 Rushe United                 37   7  10  20  49  75  -26  31
 24 Sutcroft                     37   7   6  24  46  73  -27  27

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Lockheed Zenith         37  22   7   8  74  44  +30  73
  2 FC Seierstad            37  21   9   7  74  42  +32  72
  3 Ringway                 37  19   8  10  48  39   +9  65
  4 Lindmark Falcons        37  20   4  13  58  41  +17  64
  5 Besand's Folly          37  17   9  11  58  51   +7  60
  6 Sirencall FC            37  16  10  11  43  39   +4  58
  7 Grovebank               37  16   9  12  50  37  +13  57
  8 Iberia Chenoworth       37  16   8  13  72  62  +10  56
  9 Harrington              37  17   4  16  56  54   +2  55
 10 AFC Hellerine           37  15  10  12  52  51   +1  55
 11 Boleyn Town             37  13  13  11  37  40   -3  52
 12 Sutcroft Athletic       37  15   6  16  41  49   -8  51
 13 Stonesthrow Town        37  12  10  15  31  36   -5  46
 14 Fischer                 37  11   8  18  42  52  -10  41
 15 Courser                 37   9  13  15  42  52  -10  40
 16 Chenoworth Teutons      37  10   9  18  32  42  -10  39
 17 AFC Feuerweiss          37  10   8  19  38  50  -12  38
 18 Fenland Albion          37   9   8  20  33  52  -19  35
 19 Sleetwell Rangers       37   9   8  20  43  69  -26  35
 20 AFC Mittelmarch         37   6  13  18  26  48  -22  31

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rookwall                  37  21   4  12  51  38  +13  67
  2 Constance Park            37  17  14   6  45  22  +23  65
  3 New Oakstone Phoenix      37  18  11   8  59  38  +21  65
  4 Bodkin Road               37  19   8  10  67  47  +20  65
  5 Latin Enclave FC          37  17   8  12  80  61  +19  59
  6 Brookford Vantablack      37  16  10  11  54  40  +14  58
  7 Long Lake                 37  16  10  11  42  35   +7  58
  8 Corvistone City           37  16   9  12  44  31  +13  57
  9 AFC Volksgarten           37  16   8  13  44  35   +9  56
 10 Longwinter                37  15  10  12  57  47  +10  55
 11 Northside Eagles          37  16   6  15  64  58   +6  54
 12 The Travellers FC         37  15   8  14  48  40   +8  53
 13 Twelvetrees               37  15   7  15  36  37   -1  52
 14 Barhara Cavaliers         37  13  11  13  55  58   -3  50
 15 Aries Tigers              37  11   8  18  51  77  -26  41
 16 AFC Burchess              37  10   8  19  38  61  -23  38
 17 Markoni                   37   9   9  19  36  60  -24  36
 18 Gridlock                  37   8   9  20  24  48  -24  33
 19 AFC Davenport             37   8   7  22  46  71  -25  31
 20 Blaze                     37   8   7  22  39  76  -37  31

by **Nephara** » Sun Mar 08, 2020 3:19 am

“Sure, the ‘Classic’,” scoffs Moths captain Solara Vol, shortly after holding Corvistone to a 1-1 draw that holds them both in the top four. “Where, what, they can go cry together about getting bulldozed by Spartangrad?” But it’s not short of importance this time, as Crisisbless and Athletic rip chunks out of each other both in terms of goals and players; Abylon gets sent off, Westerveld and, scarily, Quintero both pick up minor injuries, and Athletic get the odd goal in seven, and that means that Brinemouth need to overcome Metzger’s early strike. The Stags’ top scorer is in fine form, looking dangerous every time he’s on the ball and kicking someone in the shins pretty much every time he’s off it, and initially the Dockers look intimidated out of playing their game. But Gareth Blackthorn holds his nerve, and Brinemouth come out the other end doing the same thing but better, and on a week when the top six all play one another, Bryger Tidesson’s brace puts them on top.

Things remain terrifyingly tight at the bottom after Newrook batter and bruise the Chariots into submission. The only player who seems able to rise above the occasion is Minka Bronson, who weaves past three defenders before stabbing the only goal of the game between Briggs’ feet. That sees the Rooks finally clamber out of the bottom four, at Cranequin Wanderers’ expense after Creed prove who has the best satyr striker between them. That’s actually a lie, Portia Taani plays very much as though her best days are behind her while Nissa Viere forces a couple of sharp saves from Senninger, but goals from the wingers Conrad and Conway give Creed the win. The Bohemians keep pace with their own win, Simone Cheney proving why she’s Mezei Orban’s favourite with a ruthless, determined performance leading the line against Crisisbless United. She doesn’t score, but her doggedness sets up a goal for Numenen and her vision sets up a goal for Zander.

1. BRINEMOUTH - 83 - 46
2. CRISISBLESS - 80 - 42
3. MOTHS - 80 - 35
4. CORVISTONE - 78 - 30
--
5. ATHLETIC - 76 - 35
6. TREASON - 69 - 19

16. CHARIOTS - 41 - -7
17. HARRIERS - 41 - -10
18. LEICHHARDT - 40 - -27
19. CHATSWOOD - 39 - -15
20. NEWROOK - 39 - -13
--
21. CRANEQUIN - 38 - -19
22. NTH SABREFELL - 38 - -26
23. CREED - 33 - -32

Oh, Emeka… Parrhesia’s enigmatic announces that his youth will prove themselves in Locksley, that the force of his reseves will be enough to demolish the Brewers and give his real players a rest. It’s not quite a reserve team in the even, but a callow side with no player above 22 does come to town, and an unimpressed Locksley bulldoze them 4-1. Stahlburg come out the better of a 5-3 goalfest in a game strangely devoid of defence, almost seeming like an exhibition game. The Rovers may have no structure, but they do have Corona Sharpe. History repeats in Brinemouth; West Brinemouth cling to a 1-0 lead at half-time over Rochford, but Igrene Vidler leads the Owls to cudgel them into submission at the death.

Stahlburg City aren’t going to be dealt out of relevance yet. They want their glorious return to IFCF football and they aren’t going to let a petty little thing like playing Brinemouth stop them. Henry strikes early, Voegel strikes late, and Prant-Telew has one of those games where nothing gets by. And that gives Crisisbless the chance to catch up with their own 2-0 win, theirs over the Spiders. Penumbra Till impresses in Quintero’s absence on the right, and pointedly Twiis afterwards that she’s been here this whole time, you know, Chris! The Moths? 2-0 win over the Harriers, Swansea Reach orchestrating the play. Corvistone? 2-0 defeat to the Bohemians, implausibly. They really are running out of steam, hey? Athletic break the streak with a scoreless draw in Coret, which is bizarre; two psychotic Eurans throwing front fours at each other, and nobody scores? Dragan Stavanger looks decidedly old up front for the Hawks. Worryingly, so does Sipke Tarala…

Is the Catheline Harper Effect already in place? Justina Donau scores just thirteen seconds in against a flat-footed Leichhardt, from which the Stargazers never quite recover. Ernie Stevenson does level the scores, striking with pure force past Fasolt Senninger’s near post. Which is rough, he’s meant to be Creed’s shining light… but the level score never quite seems like it’ll hold, and Barbarouses stings Adekoya’s palms, Donau slashes the rebound back across goal and Camilla Martin, a young striker, finishes an impressive cameo in fine fashion. “That’s my daughter,” Harper proclaims post-match. Protege? a journalist suggests. “Whatever.” Chatswood drop beneath the dotted line in deeply unfortunate fashion, Chris Bishop accidentally dragging Lissa Anselm’s cross past Williams to gift Southfell a win they barely deserved. As for Aries, what are they still doing here? Well, a frankly pathetic show as Cypher come to visit doesn’t help. Coretta Rooke pounces on a defensive mix-up between Tarrasch and callow fullback Fiora Anders, a strong strike from Bereveskos somehow slips Briggs’ grasp before a sloppy turnover from Ivana Tokich is eventually rammed home at the other end by Freya McCosgraigh.

1. BRINEMOUTH - 83 - 44 [GF]
2. CRISISBLESS - 83 - 44
3. MOTHS - 83 - 37
4. CORVISTONE - 78 - 28
--
5. ATHLETIC - 77 - 35
6. TREASON - 72 - 22

16. CHARIOTS - 41 - -10
17. HARRIERS - 41 - -12
18. NTH SABREFELL - 41 - -24
19. NEWROOK - 40 - -13
20. LEICHHARDT - 40 - -28
--
21. CHATSWOOD - 39 - -16
22. CRANEQUIN - 38 - -22
23. CREED - 36 - -31

Top faces bottom, and this will not be a subversive result; Chenoworth Rovers smash Locksley into paste, 6-0 the final score, and bluntly that’s with plenty of lesser lights on the pitch. 22-year old midfielder Riza Counsell is made to look like Laborious Hawk, such is the space she’s given to work with. Chardonnay avenge a 4-0 defeat last match with a 4-0 victory over Mantlegrove this time around, which rather encapsulates the Rangers’ erratic nature. Their crew of good-but-not-great players will need renovation if they truly wish for a Premiership return. Cranequin and Crisisbless Athletic stall out one another to a 1-1 draw, one that doesn’t really help either of them; Athletic dominate the play despite being the away team, particularly on the flanks, but when Hakan Gryspos manages to get a shot away he’s characteristically ruthless.

Crisisbless host Cypher expecting to cruise it. A… little too obviously expecting to cruise it. Bluntly, it’s complacency, and Cypher are totally uninterested in anything but saving face. Even pulling the big guns off the bench later on doesn’t save things for Cypher, and it falls to a promising young gun, Thalassa Fletcher, who just has the bravery to take a shot when it looks right from outside the box. It duly rockets beyond Ruo. Unconvincing as it was, that allows them to crawl to the top, as Brinemouth gash the Moths through the centre and the Moths gash the Dockers through directness for a 2-2 draw. Robert Griffin continues to look worryingly old. Cathal Turner continues to look like he might be the greatest striker the league’s ever seen, someday. Chatswood kick and scream, but Sabrefell Athletic find a way anyway, and all it takes is a moment of lapsed concentration from Yulia Heidt for Gere to nip in behind her onto a pass from Lucas, and send a shot across a sprawling Williams, ever so narrowly sneaking into the net.

And that puts Athletic in a very top fourish top four as, almost tragically, Corvistone stall to a 1-1 draw with Newrook City. Baba Warrington, all of a sudden, hasn’t scored in a while. Morham looks slow, Arniston looks cowed. And Acatha Feldman loses sight of Voeller’s corner, letting Reniira Clevinger nod home the opening goal behind her; a late scramble is converted by Ulreich to salvage the point for the Crows. Not the result they wanted, but they’re officially better than the title-winning Starling of Cycle 64. Mind, Starling did also win the CC that season. You ever think about how Emery Hastings, Hansi Westerlow, Ingrid Auttenberg and Ursa Dimitar have world champion medals? Anyway, that sees Newrook creep a point further away from danger, and with Leichhardt getting slammed 4-0 by AFC Treason - top scorer Ernie Stevenson’s red card for a frustrated kick on Vornander only exacerbating matters - there’s now some measure of comfort in their position. Above them, the Harriers and Bohemians draw, which doesn’t do much for either of them. North Sabrefell at one point lead 2-0 before a contentious handball call in the box on Clinton saw a penalty tucked away by Stensholt, letting the Harriers back into the match. After barely having had a sniff of the opening hour, they dominate the last half-hour, drawing level through Marconi and leaving the Bohemians indebted to a brilliant double save from Daunten from maintaining their share of the spoils late on.

1. CRISISBLESS - 86 - 45
2. BRINEMOUTH - 84 - 44
3. MOTHS - 84 - 37
4. ATHLETIC - 80 - 36
--
5. CORVISTONE - 79 - 28
6. TREASON - 75 - 26

16. CHARIOTS - 44 - -8
17. HARRIERS - 42 - -12
18. NTH SABREFELL - 42 - -24
19. NEWROOK - 41 - -13
20. LEICHHARDT - 40 - -32
--
21. CHATSWOOD - 39 - -17
22. CRANEQUIN - 38 - -24
23. CREED - 36 - -33

Another 4-0 defeat for Chardonnay, this time to Iron City. For City, the main takeaway is the improving form of Xandra Vermouth, the local striker they backed heavily going into the season who looked overawed early but takes a brace and an assist here, as well as enhancing the belief that Lara Dixon can build on this; for the Rangers, talk that Brandon Laithstrider has taken the side as far as he can dominates. The most ‘fun’ of the relegated sides in River and Parrhesia face off, and the result is predictable; mayhem. It’s 3-1 Parrhesia by the thirtieth minute, with Telviir smashing home what appears a decisive goal, but Cromwell and Crowe peg them back before Villaverde wins a penalty for Sabitzer, normally so reliable, to put too close to Spyrakis. Reus has Parrhesia’s fourth ruled offside, then later scores for real; Symond’s lack of pace lets substitute Novac drive home an assist for Gjasula, but Symond’s aptitude going forward lets her provide the cross for Barota to flick home the eventual winner for 5-4 Saints.

An early Moths barrage comes to nothing, with Carpathia particularly dominant in snuffing out hopes and dreams. After that initial half-hour, the Moths seem tired, uninspired… and it’s there that they get a goal from nowhere, Swansea Reach finding space, drawing out her marker, playing a clever one-two with Vol and driving low past Horst. The Moths aren’t inclined to sit on it, but don’t look likely to either score or concede… until the 87th minute, LaPierre racing into Vicelich’s inside track and getting ankle-tapped for his trouble. The home crowd are in uproar. You can’t just call fouls! In Nephara! The Cathari God’s country! But Kahn stabs home the penalty and the Moths will have their work cut out just scoring in Taeshan, on this form. Club can be happy with the result.

If Crisisbless think they can sit on an early goal from Kurtis Laiota, they’re disabused of that notion by a thunderous strike from Avi Renning that practically scorches through Na’Kefir’s fingertips. Porty aren’t going down softly, and they’re uninclined to treat this as a distraction from their domestic title defence. In true Porty fashion, Crisisbless get outmuscled and brutalised all over the pitch, which Nepharim aren’t used to see happen to them. Worse still, Brae Crowther breaks the deadlock late on, driving home Badjie’s diagonal pass at the far post. Wasn’t this meant to basically be her retirement?

After their ropey win over Cypher last time out in the league and defeat on home soil to Porty just days ago, Crisisbless need to get back on the front foot, fast. Sabrefell Moths pile on the pressure with the earliest match of the round, Swansea Reach having entered a sort of manic state of playmaking excellence as barely plausible passes stick to let Turner and Townsend break down Cranequin, briefly putting them atop the table. Not to worry. Crisisbless stamp on the Chariots from the start, Abylon and Kastriot exuding absolute control over midfield. Na’Kefir doesn’t face a shot in the scoreless first half, and the sense that the floodgates surely must open is vindicated when Bowman crashes home a spectacular volley in the 51st minute, Quintero marks her return from injury by making it 2-0 in the 56th and Brigitte Coppinger comes off the bench to wound her former club by finishing them in the 70th with a poinard strike. Sabrefell Athletic savage Belgrave in a demolition of everything the Gargoyles stand for. The Rams pass quickly and confidently through their opponents’ feral press, and of course, Ens and Tarala can be relied upon to finish things. Cohen Alexander’s injury-time header to make it 6-1 somehow just makes it sadder, really.

In Newrook, both the Rooks and Harriers can see shades of one another in themselves. The Rooks have been relegated five times, the Harriers four, but each has had a recent renaissance… that has since fallen to, well, this. The Harriers take the lead in a flash, Nikita Charisteas flooring the fragile Bronson, Stensholt taking the loose ball and shuttling it forward for Alessa Marconi to take it and turn in stride past a flat-footed Ronan Fallon, and she spies Sigrun Rivers’ run on the edge of the box… and Rivers’ strike is beautiful, arcing narrowly beyond Iarrow. Snowy Brennan paces. Gareth Penrooke urges calm, and the hulking manager isn’t one to argue with. Furthermore he’s right, even as Minka Bronson limps off the pitch. Will Couturiaux steps up to the challenge, though his best days are long behind him, and while he does little to nothing in open play it’s his ability to slam a free kick into the top corner from distance and a poor angle that remind the home crowd why he was so beloved for so long. But 19-year old rightback Pristina Soeringer represents quite a different generation, and it’s her pace that lets her get onto the end of a lost-cause pass from Voeller, Gwen Kite slowing fatally before realising her mistake, grabbing Soeringer’s shirt and sending them both tumbling, but not before Soeringer’s driven the ball back to find Brandtner, the referee signals advantage, Brandtner smashes it, Matthews starts one way but halts and scrambles the other as the ball ricochets cruelly off Victoria Carroll and finds a way past her. Newrook, at last, have broken five points clear. North Sabrefell manage a hugely impressive draw over Brinemouth with a disciplined performance, while Creed take advantage of Starling’s sloppiness to fight back from 2-0 down and claim a point.

1. CRISISBLESS - 89 - 48
2. MOTHS - 87 - 39
3. BRINEMOUTH - 85 - 44
4. ATHLETIC - 83 - 41
--
5. CORVISTONE - 82 - 31
6. TREASON - 75 - 25

16. CHARIOTS - 44 - -11
17. NEWROOK - 44 - -12
18. NTH SABREFELL - 43 - -24
19. HARRIERS - 42 - -13
20. LEICHHARDT - 41 - -32
--
21. CHATSWOOD - 39 - -19
22. CRANEQUIN - 38 - -26
23. CREED - 37 - -33

15 pts left to play for.

Well, score one for the Catholics in Crisisbless’ sectarian derby, Lukas Pallister’s side holding court in the centre of the pitch with an imperious performance from Tory Jeanes, a former nobody whose top-level experience sets her apart so long as she can keep up with the pace. The lethal attacking midfield trident of Huyton, Soler and Vorster chalk up a goal apiece against a Goodfeather side dizzied by the assault and unable to punch back. Dartmouth’s 1-0 win over the Gulls stops West Brinemouth’s faint survival hopes dead, while also being the Terriers’ seventh point in three games. Given it’s a squad you don’t really look at and see quality, is Eliwood Austen an underrated manager? Cranequin City also scramble much-needed points, desperate and off-balance but still able to claim the odd one of five goals, Arysa Hensser setting up fellow young dynamo Louise Tsolakis to hammer home the winner against the typical Saints.

A weary match in Atlantea, but the Moths score early, Swansea Reach winning a free kick before sending it spinning over the wall past Horst. Turner and Aedelbrandt come close before the match settles into a slower tempo, but Club’s patient probing eventually pays off, as Olsen’s sudden change of pace sees them slide past Brix Hamilton and drive low past Griffin. Could he have done better, perhaps… ? Certainly, he got a hand to it. But any doubts in him are forgotten by the end of the game, as two fine saves help the Moths win on penalties.

Porty have discipline, dynamism and violence, but Crisisbless are determined to give as good as they get. A crunching tackle from Maia Abylon three minutes in shows their hosts they aren’t going down without a fight, and early goals from Woakes and Bowman sets them back in front. Kurtis Laiota picks up a booking for a blatant shove, and nearly a second for dissent before being dragged away by Inaki Villanueva. But that just inspires Porty to fight back; Keeva Crowe’s brace sandwiches a beautiful curler from Brae Crowther to put Porty back in the driving seat. Quintero strokes home a leveller in injury time and another brawl erupts as Laiota tries to claim the ball from the net for a quick restart… and for the simple ‘crime’ of throwing a man to the ground, gets his second yellow. Foreigners! Honestly! Needless to say, Crisisbless don’t get their fourth, and Schottic domestic football is officially Back.

The Heelers are quietly imperious in Coret. It takes a lot to prevent Coret from really starting anything, with Kasmiir and Okafor in the centre of the park able to just do what they want. Except that Kastriot and the veteran Bronte are there to kick lumps from them - a conservative midfield, sure, but with Hawks’ supply cut off, the somewhat unconventional maneuvre of Villanueva cross to set up diving header from Laiota to set up volley from Bowman sets up the only goal of the game, and that’ll do them. Better still, the Moths slip away, Ernie Stevenson’s willingness to shoot on sight in a game where Leichhardt found few good chances paying dividends with two spectacular finishes, and a frankly undeserved point for the Stargazers. That opens up a four-point lead, Brinemouth now second with an anxious 1-0 win over Newrook, Tom Duffy twice sorely testing Bull late on. “We can and should aspire to do more than ‘hold on’ against a club trying not to be relegated for the sixth time in its history,” Gareth Blackthorn gripes. “But I’ll take the points.” Sabrefell Athletic will not be taking the points, only taking one, singular, after a 3-3 draw with the Southrons. Corvistone fail to catch up, losing 1-0 to the enigmatic Chariots. And Treason, well… Treason show their fangs, Starling dispatched 4-0. Humiliated. What’s gone wrong over there?

The Bohemians’ form has improved of late, and they could really drive themselves to safety - that unofficial 50-point mark, perhaps? - with a win in Cranequin. Jerrell Drake’s side have somewhat melted after an impressive start, injuries playing their part. Paul Leonhardsen, who has hung around the club like a bad smell for most of a decade without ever really doing anything, makes his fifth start of the season due to a poorly-timed Imrishka Grahn injury. As expected for the two back-three sides in the league, the battle is tightly contested and congested around the middle, but one thing is reliable; Declan Mason stops North Sabrefell’s attacks in their tracks. And if he can dig the ball out to Riaz and Butcher, they have the ability to do clever things in tight spaces, like release Hasret Kaveci’s run down the right. She leaves Polacek for dead, cuts an overly eager diagonal ball down the Bohemians’ centre - Clinton slides, overenthusiastic, and it slips under her boot. Nissa Viere holds back Sesay and slashes the ball inelegantly across goal and Leonhardsen goes for power, blasting his first-time strike into the underside of the crossbar and in, his first goal of the season. He won’t have scored many more important than that. He hasn’t scored many at all. But this is one to savour. Chatswood and Cypher grind out an appalling scoreless draw which highlights why both sides are in these straits; Creed leave it late to level against the Tanners, which may yet still mean something.

1. CRISISBLESS - 92 - 49
2. BRINEMOUTH - 88 - 45
3. MOTHS - 88 - 39
4. ATHLETIC - 84 - 41
--
5. CORVISTONE - 82 - 30
6. TREASON - 78 - 29

16. CHARIOTS - 47 - -10
17. NEWROOK - 44 - -13
18. HARRIERS - 43 - -13
19. NTH SABREFELL - 43 - -25
20. LEICHHARDT - 42 - -32
--
21. CRANEQUIN - 41 - -25
22. CHATSWOOD - 40 - -19
23. CREED - 38 - -33

12 pts left to play for.

In Sabrefell, Dartmouth claim their third straight win as a River side who can barely remember their last side are made to pay for their slackness in front of goal by their former striker, the dogged journeyman Klaus Breisgau. Brookford canter to a 3-1 half-time lead and are then absolutely dominated by the Diamonds, but cling onto victory through Aranea Provost’s saves; a vital three points against direct rivals for the playoff place. Above them, the usual suspects all navigate difficult away fixtures without a scratch, and that’s a status quo that suits Chris Waller’s Chenoworth Rovers, who take advantage of a poor pass from Cranequin City’s hero last week, Louise Tsolakis, to be seized on by Forrest, driven to Rowell and cut back for Sabrina Patton to poke home at the near post. They’re still hoping to be the only Chenoworth representatives in the Premiership next year...

People talk shit about Adalheid Metzelder, for petty little reasons like ‘she’s insane and says insane things all the time’. But her confident prediction that the Gargoyles will “dominate the ball and dedicate the clean sheet to my tactics” proves prophetic, as Belgrave do exactly that. Better yet, Kotaro Katsura makes carving a defence in half with a first-touch outside-boot curling ball look bizarrely easy, chalking up a languid assist that Markus Strand just has to guide home. The second comes from the rather more pedestrian source of a quick free-kick, Steward setting up Muhren to race past the flat-footed Hawks’ defence, Muhren stabbing across the face of goal and former Corvistone teammate Erica Manson applying the lightest of touches to put the Gargoyles in a commanding lead. Cralt-Nirlo Fox puts out an almost full-strength XI against third-tier THM, but Warren Orwell’s westerners prove determined opposition and Jonas Busch should really put them ahead rather than shooting into Sylvia Hargreaves’ midriff from point-blank range. They don’t get another chance at the Iron Hill, and in the second half they tire and their resistance crumbles. Olivia Selkie can save them once or twice, but Moyer and Fleetwood do, at last, finish it.

The Heelers confidently sweep past Chatswood, Bowman’s brace making the difference, and the Chequers aren’t of a mind to give the Dockers any favours against their local rivals. They sit for a long time on Elsa Kaelin’s piledriver, a rare goal from the fairly orthodox winger, one admittedly helped on its way by Windtide’s shoulder. Brinemouth are held at bay by the aggressive midfield harrying of Garner and Marshall, and Reinhard Meixner has a fine day in goal… but Bryger Tidesson finds a way. Bryger Tidesson always finds a way. A shimmer of the ball at his feet and he’s past Sanders, then the ball past Meixner. A sashay of the hips and the ball’s at Kuznetsov’s feet, and all he has to do is drive home. But Meixner flies into action, swinging out a leg, parrying the ball-- only as far as Tidesson again, who calmly drives home his second to keep the Dockers in the hunt. The Moths stall at Vermillion, Athletic maim Creed 4-0, while Corvistone edge out the Harriers in injury time, Warrington earning his corn after a horribly tense game. Slightly lower down, Stahlburg stumble, an uncharacteristic late lapse of concentration from the aging captain Mifsud letting Valentine Roxel power home a late Starling winner. Suddenly, the Passerines are in the hunt for a Challengers Cup place.

Not particularly relevant to anything, but worthy of mention somewhere, North beats South 3-0 in the Laith with Matej Beltrame dazzling. Could Brinemouth come calling, as is rumoured? At this stage, the Chariots are almost definitely out of trouble at the bottom, a low-quality draw against the Hawks putting them on 48 points. 34-year old Vance Commerford, stalwart of the past, has started the last two games; he’s had two clean sheets. Newrook and Cranequin rip and tear at one another with desperation, Brandtner arriving late in the box to drive home a scrappy late equaliser for the Rooks that is a much, much better result for them than it is for the struggling Wanderers. The Stargazers as well get a badly needed win, Emil Klempner having a brace within the first half-hour to stun a porous North Sabrefell, Marisa Woodruff going for it from leftback and rocketing a shot into the top-right to add polish to a deserved win. The Bohemians are terrible, yes, but the Stargazers deserve the win. “I took lessons from Ernie,” Woodruff says with a smile post-match, undisputed POTM after the goal only capped off a flawless performance.

1. CRISISBLESS - 95 - 51
2. BRINEMOUTH - 91 - 46
3. MOTHS - 89 - 39
4. ATHLETIC - 87 - 45
--
5. CORVISTONE - 85 - 31

17. NEWROOK - 45 - -13
18. LEICHHARDT - 45 - -29
19. HARRIERS - 43 - -14
20. NTH SABREFELL - 43 - -28
--
21. CRANEQUIN - 42 - -25
22. CHATSWOOD - 40 - -21
23. CREED - 38 - -37

9 pts left to play for.

Diamondqueen’s 7-1 unravelling of Locksley sure as hell puts a lot of eyeballs on 21-year old Hestia Bowman’s performance in attacking midfield, but Vermillion’s rather more pedestrian 1-0 win over Iron - a dull match settled by the old mainstay of a Saara header - makes their promotion mathematically secure. Chenoworth Rovers are long secure themselves, and despite labouring at Alliance’s gates for seventy minutes the quality of Forrest and Meisler shines through at the end. Cranequin City look wretched against Dartmouth Terriers, and nobody will claim their victory was deserved. Shot-stopper Stefan Ledo was, however, man of the match. For the Terriers, it’s very much two points dropped against their unlikely relegation rivals.

Belgrave’s defence are caught napping, and nearly bailed out for it three minutes in in Coret. Okafor shoots, thunderously, and it’s beaten away by Odessa Bonds… who has to get up quickly, take a follow-up shot from Stavanger and beat it away down the left, and absolutely nobody has tracked back to deal with it, so Atalanta Skapetis just… taps home unmarked. Bonds is furious, and there’s little she can do when Okafor blazes one into the top corner 17 minutes in, and now the Gargoyles have it all to do again. But they have their own talisman. Katsura tries his luck, threading a low strike between Brand’s feet and past Raluca Garamond’s fingers, before the Hawks have to stretch for two goals. They find one, at their own end; Naess throws herself at a shot from Kasmiir, Kinsey hoofs clear, Steward takes it on the chest and slides it across to Neumann running by her, Neumann smashes a long, diagonal ball for Aura Keynes in infinite space, and she drives inside, draws away the markers before finding Meredith Sloan unmarked at the far post. Vermillion’s win was rather less hard-fought, and overall quite unremarkable. Pedigree showed against The Hanged Man, brave but limited, and the 3-0 win came easily. That, then, is the final; Belgrave never drawn into the relegation fight they were anticipated to lose, the Rage in electrifying form to make up for a truly turgid start to the season.

Ilyana Brosch has cause to be a relieved woman. For a while, it looked as though the former Crow’s move to Brinemouth might have been a step downwards. But now, Brinemouth are still in the title fight… provided they beat the Crows at the Eagles Club. They get off to a good start, Kesteren finding Tidesson, who does what he does. But then Corvistone’s high pressing pays off. Morham slams into the lingering countrywoman Conjure, the ball’s loose for Arniston who draws out Brosch and slips it by her and Warrington comes by like a force of vengeance to slide home. Brinemouth press, confidently at first, desperately at the close… and it’s almost little surprise when Arniston yet again finds a way, just hammering one over the top with sufficient force to slip onto her arse, but finding Clarisse Ulreich in stride. One-on-one with Bull, she goes for power and finds the top corner. Athletic beat Treason 2-0 through a throwback Oscar Coltrane brace while Starling hold the Moths, but all eyes are on northern Sabrefell. Can Belgrave provide meaningful opposition to Crisisbless? No. They clearly know that glory is within their grasp and, through Abylon, Bowman and Coppinger, seize it with both hands. It’s official; the Heelers are champions of Nephara!

Creed absolutely have to win this game. North Laithland have been steady in midtable all season, they’ve pretty much nothing left to play for. Hestia Canaan starts teenager Andrea Bellmare and 20-year old February Garnett for her left flank, Joel Conway should be looking at that and licking his lips. Their rivals have endured poor results; the Harriers let a 1-0 lead at half-time slip to the Chariots to find themselves sleepwalking into serious danger, Cranequin Wanderers can only draw against Crisisbless United despite the heroics of Shona Butcher in midfield, North Sabrefell get destroyed 5-0 by a Vermillion side who just rake at them with pace and panache. The moment falls for the Oathmen early on - Irsa Croxteth wandering in possession, sending a pass- straight into the grasp of Delphi Barbarouses, who sprints forward into clear space! And-- is blindsided, in turn, by Chloe Asquith at blinding pace, the deft little midfielder looking up and striking the ball down the line for Sebastian Rashica to go running clear, before passing down back to Asquith, who sets up Bellmare to rifle home the opener. From there, it’s just never going to be their day; Taani bullies Black into giving up the ball and Justina Donau converts the scraps, but fairly shortly at the other end a header back across goal from Croxteth is cushioned off Roberts’ chest and fired hard above Senninger for the winner. And with that, and Chatswood resplendent in a workmanlike victory over Coret, Creed are as good as down. Catheline Harper did what she could. One imagines they’ll keep her on for next season. But surely a side with this talent should never have let this happen...

1. CRISISBLESS - 98 - 54
2. BRINEMOUTH - 91 - 45
3. ATHLETIC - 90 - 47
4. MOTHS - 90 - 39
--
5. CORVISTONE - 88 - 32

17. CRISIS UTD - 47 - -32
18. NEWROOK - 45 - -14
19. HARRIERS - 43 - -15
20. CHATSWOOD - 43 - -21
--
21. CRANEQUIN - 43 - -25
22. NTH SABREFELL - 43 - -33
23. CREED - 38 - -38

6 pts left to play for.

Chenoworth Rovers take on and edge out Stahlburg Rovers to all but mathematically seal the league, Vermillion six points behind but buried on GD. Absolutely nobody can deny they deserve it; they’re unbeaten since the reverse fixture, and have conceded just a barely plausible seven goals since the halfway mark of the season. And that puts the other Rovers in striking range of Diamondqueen, who leapfrog Brookford due to the Otters’ inability to score against Iron and due to their own 3-0 demolition of confirmed-dead West Brinemouth. Athletic and Alliance, in 21st and 22nd, feverishly keep pace with one another due to tenacious home wins over Bishop and Dartmouth respectively, and Rochford clamber over Morningstar through a viciously contested 1-0 win. Stars can’t score for love nor money, and it might just cost them dear...

Oh, the cunning Brenecians and their trick of ‘playing sixteen fewer league games a season’. Tana Colbright returns to Nephara with a smug, confident smile and an energetic side who play a pleasingly Nepharim style, pressing high and capitalising on the slightest hint of weakness. Such as Wil Jabelon’s passing. His slackness is punished early, pounced on by Lockston, who releases leftback Watermark on the other flank. A fullback, the furthest man forward! And yet with a striker’s confidence the 22-year old slides it past the onrushing Griffin with his first touch. Griffin’s called into action soon afterwards, Drake and Naulo testing him from outside the box. The Moths have to get a grip at half-time, and do so; Cathal Turner goes for power from just outside the box, Watermark thinking he’s kept him far enough out of trouble, Watermark being corrected by the rustling net behind him and Dinii Eduun. But that’s all the Moths can manage, and they go to Brenecia needing to sharpen up.

Chris Maarsden might think that hosting a South Laithland side that have flown under the radar this season is a victory lap. Not so. He plays a young, vibrant side, but not one with the composure at either end of the park; but some impressive saves from their former man Gerhard Hartmuth and goals from Bergander and Dionne don’t do much to spoil the party. The trophy is there, in front of their own fans, and secure. Nobody can say it isn’t deserved. Taken from tip to tail, they are… a truly terrifying unit, aren’t they? Brinemouth secure their place in the top four with a tight but ultimately routine 1-0 win over the resilient Harriers, the only side of the top five to win. Athletic are stunned by a fightback from Stahlburg, the Moths beaten at the death by Southfell - their focus, and many of their players, are elsewhere - while Corvistone are just uninspired against Cranequin. Treason do their fans a favour by dismantling one of their myriad rivals, the Spiders pummelled 6-1. Starling stay in the fight for IFCF football with a breezy 3-0 demolition of North Sabrefell.

Have the obituaries for the Oathmen been premature? Perhaps it was forgotten that they had a match with Cypher to come; that is duly won 1-0, Ruo Xiaolan failing to meaningfully stop Portia Taani driving home a header, and those above them did their parts to help by being terrible. Chatswood get their third clean sheet in four games but don’t do enough against the Chariots, while Newrook are held by the Rage to hypothetically still be in danger. But there’s panic in Chenoworth, brave in defeat to the Dockers but falling below the dotted line for pretty much the first time all season. A fourth straight defeat, winless in nine, heads dropping and the pressure on. Only Cypher are mathematically down, and have been for some time; any of six others could take the other 2.5 places.

Gonen’s Bridge are happy just to be in the top half at this stage, though manager Jakob Mortimer is the current favourite for Manager of the Year honours. His Warriors set about trying to dismantle Chenoworth Rovers on the pitch. But that only gets Joanson and the rash young leftback Seitz sent off, as the Rovers set about trying to actually play football; they duly win 4-0. With that, the Rovers can - at last! - lift the trophy, though Vermillion Wanderers do their part by beating Brookford - a win that opens up the Diamonds to confirm the playoff place, beating nearby frenemies River 1-0 through Willow Creek’s sidewinder. But back to Chenoworth. They had the best squad, yes. They had a World Cup striker, fed by a brilliant churning midfield and backed by an experienced, disciplined defence, and a manager in Chris Waller who has gone some way to proving something to his doubters. And, yes, the ‘true test’ will be next season, or so the saying goes… but here and now, Markus Capradossi is lifting the trophy, and that trophy is marked by ribbons in white, blue and sky.

Corvette ease to a 2-0 win over Alliance Barossia, and with that the last breath escapes from Alliance’s body. Kristian Non’s goals dried up, Imogen Jeweler lost her legs and they paid the price. But Crisisbless Athletic haul themselves gloriously up to 19th, the highest on goal difference of three clubs, as City and Morningstar fall to limp 1-0 defeats to contrast to Athletic’s valiant fightback. By half-time, goals from Kaskanis and Godwin cancel one another out, but in the second, Kaskanis sets up Coen to make it 2-1 with a shot Beraht ought to have saved. But with that, they’re still on the outside looking in… they need a characteristic Bradden piledriver to pull clear on Goals For, then Amethyst Miller’s peach of a finish with the outside of her boot making it 4-1 over Goodfeather to give them the Goal Difference advantage. Mantlegrove can only draw with West Brinemouth; if they lose and all three beneath them win, they’ll be thrust into the playoff. For Dartmouth and, with hard-won victory over Bishop, Rochford, the possibility of relegation feels rather more academic.

Yet again, the away side strikes first, Swansea Reach feinting through Pagan Redweald to open up space before a shot that just keeps rising before skimming against the underside of the crossbar, Eduun watching on. They don’t do much else to threaten, but do at least keep the Stallions on their toes… but the work of maintaining a physical defence is testing on both sides. Drake could see a second yellow for a hack on Reach, and then Lux Vicelich does for wearily brutalising Solstice Cronin. Ten minutes to go, though, and the Moths can hold on… but can’t, not quite, Andre Naulo finding the inch of space now missing from the Moths’ back line and substitute Ruby Bronze, in turn, finds him. The Stallions go at the Moths brutally in extra time, and the men in green are shattered by the end, though they have at least given themselves a chance. But it isn’t to be, as Vol blazes over and Eduun tips Townsend’s past the post, the first two penalties coming to nothing. They can’t recover, as the Stallions’ are perfect. Again, two 1-1 draws; again, 4-2 on penalties. But this time, the Moths are not on the side of fortune.

Surprising nobody, Barossia United have sealed the title; CNL enduring a run of one point from four games proved fatal to their ambitions, totally unable to make up ground. Nobody can say Barossia don’t deserve it; they may not have had the sharpest defence or the most prolific attack, but they’ve been well-balanced and dominant all across the pitch, managed by a steady hand in Dorian Brindle. Pillars of Southfell are likely to be third, realistically needing only a point to get through despite a recent 3-0 hammering at home by Aries. But then, the Strongest are… themselves. They could win 5-0; they could also lose and let Hackett, Shale (??) Peregrine or Solitaire rise in their place, so that is the main intrigue going into the finale..

Martella Jazz and Crossroads Town are down; Martella through results like a 7-2 slazzering at home at the hands of a mediocre Falston, Crossroads through… well, just generalised badness. Lazuli have at least given themselves a remote chance through consecutive wins, first blasting through Boltcroft before Romeo Varrick’s strike sends them past Solitaire. And Coret have allowed themselves to be reined in with five straight defeats - goalshy Southriver’s staggering 4-0 win over CNL hauled them past the Rovers. Three clubs, 1.5 places.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              45  31   5   9   90  38  +52  98
  2 Brinemouth               45  28  10   7   97  51  +46  94
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       45  26  13   6  106  59  +47  91
  4 Sabrefell Moths          45  27   9   9   85  47  +38  90
  5 AFC Corvistone           45  26  11   8   84  52  +32  89
  6 AFC Treason              45  25   6  14   85  54  +31  81
  7 Stahlburg City           45  19  16  10   59  40  +19  73
  8 Starling                 45  21   7  17   78  62  +16  70
  9 Southfell United         45  18  14  13   74  63  +11  68
 10 North Laithland          45  19  10  16   64  63   +1  67
 11 Coret Hawks              45  17  11  17   79  68  +11  62
 12 South Laithland          45  17  10  18   55  60   -5  61
 13 Vermillion Rage          45  16  11  18   67  72   -5  59
 14 Aries Chariots           45  13  13  19   59  68   -9  52
 15 Belgrave                 45  15   6  24   63  91  -28  51
 16 Crisisbless United       45  13  11  21   51  81  -30  50
 17 Leichhardt               45  11  15  19   42  72  -30  48
 18 Newrook City             45  11  13  21   55  69  -14  46
 19 Chatswood                45  10  14  21   39  58  -19  44
 20 Cranequin Wanderers      45  11  11  23   44  69  -25  44
 21 Chenoworth Harriers      45   8  19  18   46  62  -16  43
 22 North Sabrefell          45  11  10  24   44  80  -36  43
 23 Creed United             45  10  11  24   50  87  -37  41
 24 Cypher Town              45   5   8  32   30  80  -50  23

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Chenoworth Rovers         45  33   9   3  90   26  +64  108
  2 Vermillion Wanderers      45  31   9   5  81   35  +46  102
  3 Stahlburg Rovers          45  29   8   8  89   41  +48   95
  4 Diamondqueen              45  28   7  10  91   48  +43   91
  5 Brookford Otters          45  25  12   8  73   39  +34   87
  6 Raven River               45  24  11  10  75   41  +34   83
  7 Iron City                 45  18  18   9  51   34  +17   72
  8 Corvette Maulers          45  20  11  14  69   58  +11   71
  9 Parrhesia United          45  17  14  14  82   78   +4   65
 10 AFC Serpentine            45  16  15  14  68   60   +8   63
 11 Armstrong                 45  18   9  18  42   46   -4   63
 12 Gonen's Bridge            45  18   9  18  52   66  -14   63
 13 Goodfeather FC            45  17   9  19  67   68   -1   60
 14 Chardonnay Rangers        45  13  14  18  54   70  -16   53
 15 Bishop                    45  13  10  22  47   65  -18   49
 16 Dartmouth Terriers        45  10  16  19  41   56  -15   46
 17 AFC Rochford              45  12  10  23  37   54  -17   46
 18 Mantlegrove               45  10  16  19  35   61  -26   46
 19 Crisisbless Athletic      45  10  13  22  58   77  -19   43
 20 Cranequin City            45  10  13  22  42   62  -20   43
 21 Morningstar               45  10  13  22  30   50  -20   43
 22 Alliance Barossia         45  11   6  28  32   65  -33   39
 23 West Brinemouth           45   7   8  30  36   68  -32   29
 24 Locksley                  45   6   8  31  41  115  -74   26

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Barossia United            45  26  11   8  87  38  +49  89
  2 Corinthians No Longer      45  24  10  11  92  52  +40  82
  3 Pillars of Southfell       45  23  10  12  59  34  +25  79
  4 The Strongest              45  23   8  14  96  76  +20  77
  5 Hackett                    45  21  13  11  83  54  +29  76
  6 AFC Shale                  45  21  12  12  52  35  +17  75
  7 Peregrine                  45  21  10  14  81  54  +27  73
  8 Aries Solitaire            45  20  13  12  71  53  +18  73
  9 The Hanged Man             45  18  16  11  52  42  +10  70
 10 Greygate                   45  18  13  14  70  59  +11  67
 11 Autumnstone                45  18  11  16  74  77   -3  65
 12 Extreme Hills              45  19   7  19  82  79   +3  64
 13 Stonegrave                 45  15  18  12  49  45   +4  63
 14 Ritter Town                45  17  11  17  62  62   +0  62
 15 Riverkey                   45  16  13  16  50  52   -2  61
 16 Boltcroft Thorns           45  16  11  18  66  77  -11  59
 17 Falston United             45  15  10  20  50  65  -15  55
 18 Ballardine FC              45  12  13  20  48  72  -24  49
 19 Gosmouth Swans             45  11  13  21  51  76  -25  46
 20 Southriver                 45  11  10  24  38  68  -30  43
 21 Coret Rovers               45   9  15  21  52  72  -20  42
 22 Lazuli Diamonds            45  11   7  27  43  91  -48  40
 23 Crossroads Town            45  11   5  29  50  87  -37  38
 24 Martella Jazz              45   8  12  25  57  95  -38  36

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sheridan                     45  26  11   8  69  29  +40  89
  2 Brokenarch                   45  25  12   8  74  39  +35  87
  3 Mapleford                    45  25  11   9  80  47  +33  86
  4 Rochford Pilgrims            45  26   8  11  92  61  +31  86
  5 Strephonage                  45  24  11  10  57  39  +18  83
  6 Kommissar                    45  21  12  12  74  46  +28  75
  7 Kensey Town                  45  21  12  12  85  62  +23  75
  8 East Laithland Harriers      45  21   7  17  76  69   +7  70
  9 Ingram Township              45  18  15  12  50  37  +13  69
 10 Brindleton                   45  17  15  13  57  45  +12  66
 11 Caldwick Strand              45  18  12  15  68  59   +9  66
 12 Cranequin Souths             45  17  12  16  65  65   +0  63
 13 Hartford Glade               45  17  11  17  64  68   -4  62
 14 Iron United                  45  17   9  19  57  60   -3  60
 15 West Hook                    45  15  10  20  49  57   -8  55
 16 Crownsend Journey            45  13  14  18  54  69  -15  53
 17 Ox River United              45  13  11  21  40  52  -12  50
 18 Riverkey Shells              45  10  15  20  51  68  -17  45
 19 South Parrhesia              45  11  11  23  72 100  -28  44
 20 Downsparrow                  45  12   8  25  52  84  -32  44
 21 Fully Sick XI                45  11  11  23  52  86  -34  44
 22 Rushe United                 45   9  13  23  61  90  -29  40
 23 Brunyard FC                  45   9  13  23  57  92  -35  40
 24 Sutcroft                     45   8   8  29  56  88  -32  32

by **Nephara** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:53 am

THIRD DIVISION FINALE
It’s open at the top with any of the four able to switch places with any of the rest. Sheridan sit at the top and only have a visit from long-dead bottom-feeders Sutcroft to contend with. That in mind, they make surprisingly heavy weather of it, only scraping by 1-0 with a goal on the hour from Vanessa Lawless. Brokenarch follow, decisively, crunching Ox River 5-0, but Mapleford are made to sweat, grinding to a halt in Kensey. It’s all for nothing; Caldwick and Rochford go blow-for-blow in a 3-3 draw, meaning the top four is as you were. The Fully Sick XI lose to Kommissar, failing to escape their fate as Downsparrow find themselves in the novel position of putting ten men behind the ball at 2-0 down with an hour left at home against midtable opposition, knowing that another could would send them down on Goals For. But it doesn’t materialise, and Downsparrow are reprieved.

SECOND DIVISION FINALE
Well, if Southriver don’t want to be relegated, they don’t show it. Goals from Busch, Madonis and Stavros put them in the hole within half an hour, leaving their fans to check nervously on their phones for the death-struggle on the Lazuli Coast, praying for a Diamonds win. They’re given the start they want; Niko Boldman seems to run into a tunnel, but digs out of it in sand-wedge fashion, finding a pass for Kosta Nisiotis to drag, agonisingly, past Fallowland. At the top, things are tense. The Strongest break open a lead first, Julian Alderweiss flapping at a cross, Sylvia Wright slipping through to tap home in typical fashion, but they’ll need more to overhaul Pillars. But that becomes unreachable when Amine Raihani skins Sciberras, inside out, before smashing past Colmeyer. No further intrigue; no more goals in either of those fixtures, and no goals at all as Hackett drag out a scoreless draw against Stonegrave. The status quo stands. Sadly for Lazuli, it does at the bottom as well; Haroun Maynard springs into action with a late brace to doom them and save the Rovers.

FIRST DIVISION FINALE
Unfortunately, the setup of the finale is fairly anticlimactic. The top six are guaranteed not only to stick with their outcomes, but in their precise positions, each with at least a four-point gap with their fellows. And while the theoretical six-way fight over five-point-five places of survival - not exactly the most high-stakes scramble - is a thing, well… Morningstar and their thirty goals all season have to get a result in Chenoworth.

They don’t.

PREMIERSHIP FINALE - MINUTE-BY-MINUTE COVERAGE by MALTE LINHARDT
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE RACE
Sabrefell Moths (4-4-2)1 - Griffin; 18 - Harper, 5 - Jabelon, 21 - Hamilton, 3 - Muscadin; 7 - Townsend, 6 - Shone, 8 - Reach, 11 - Aedelbrandt; 14 - Vol (c), 20 - Turner
Sabrefell Athletic (4-4-2) 1 - Gautier; 2 - Fox, 22 - Reinhardt, 13 - Sigismund, 3 - Lucas; 23 - Westerveld, 15 - Coltrane (c), 8 - Dominique, 10 - Gere; 7 - Tarala, 9 - Ens
Oh, now, this is delicious. Assuming Corvistone beat Leichhardt, as they probably will, only one of the two can make it. Athletic have the slender advantage of a point, but the Moths are at home. This is set to be spectacular.

Leichhardt (4-4-2) 1 - Adekoya; 6 - Somner, 5 - Korkut, 19 - Saunders, 17 - Woodruff; 15 - Meier, 4 - Vintner, 18 - Reiziger, 10 - Peacock; 21 - Stevenson, 11 - Auttenberg
AFC Corvistone (4-3-3) 1 - Feldman; 17 - Wynder, 2 - Trifunovic, 22 - Green, 3 - Almwood; 13 - Yonen, 4 - Keskin, 11 - Morham (c); 15 - Ulreich, 21 - Warrington, 16 - Latimore
The Crows know that victory will ensure they progress over one of the Sabrefell sides. The Stargazers’ safety is confirmed; injuries to Colchester, Paterson and Loxton make for a weakened squad, as well as giving Ingrid Auttenberg a start in her final game as a professional.

CHALLENGERS CUP RACE
Stahlburg City (4-1-4-1) 1 - Prant-Telew; 2 - Rostock, 22 - Orsay (c), 25 - Cooke, 3 - Markkannen; 21 - Ballard; 13 - Lane, 4 - Brujah, 10 - Henry, 16 - Tschauner; 11 - Shi
North Laithland (4-3-3) 12 - Krieven; 2 - Rashica, 5 - Black, 6 - Jaan, 3 - Posipal; 21 - Beltrame, 16 - Moritz, 11 - Asquith; 22 - Brown, 9 - Thornwood, 7 - Roberts (c)
The pretty unscathed Smiths can seal seventh place with a point. They’re favourites to get it against the Spiders, missing Ettori and Kendall, with Hestia Canaan hoping that traditionally inverted winger Roberts can do a more conventional job on the left.

Starling (4-3-2-1) 1 - Smordal; 2 - Asghar, 5 - Berg, 18 - Sorloth, 3 - Katarec; 15 - Roebling, 21 - Kymeri, 8 - Roxel; 11 - Armstrong (c), 10 - Flaxwood; 7 - Dostalok
Newrook City (4-2-3-1) 1 - Iarrow; 32 - Soeringer, 2 - Tristram, 36 - Clevinger, 22 - Baer; 12 - Brandtner (c), 15 - Swibel; 21 - Constantine, 7 - Bronson, 8 - Voeller; 10 - Duffy
If the Smiths lose, then Starling will most likely overtake them with victory provided that one of the results is by more than a single goal. The Rooks are deeply dysfunctional, but Gareth Penrooke’s beaten some shape into them. Then again, look at that back line; two players who were teenagers when the season started, Thorn Tristram playing at centre-half (not unprecedented, but not ideal) and Baer replacing the injured Kohler. And Fallon’s suspended, too. Newrook can be relegated, but only as a mathematical possibility; if things go very badly, they could be dumped in the playoff.

DEAD RUBBERS
Brinemouth (4-2-3-1) 1 - Bull; 2 - Spencer, 5 - Windtide, 18 - Brosch, 3 - Close (c); 15 - Reeve, 14 - Burkhard; 7 - Tidesson, 10 - Conjure, 13 - Deventer; 4 - Kuznetsov
Aries Chariots (4-3-3) 25 - Press; 39 - Anders, 5 - Tarrasch (c), 4 - Na’Duha, 3 - Burnside; 7 - Seamster, 6 - Rzazade, 21 - Strausz; 12 - Lazarou, 15 - Sierra, 11 - Luther
The Dockers will finish second, unless they lose and Athletic win. They’re pretty relaxed about the prospect. The Chariots will finish somewhere in lower midtable. Annabelle Press gets her senior debut to see if she can cure the Chariots’ problems in goal. In Brinemouth? Good luck.

South Laithland (4-4-2) 1 - Hartmuth (c); 2 - Novick, 5 - O’Connell, 19 - Pike, 17 - Barton; 41 - Conrad, 15 - Jurman, 8 - Dionne, 11 - Habane; 16 - Bergander, 22 - Remeikis
Coret Hawks (4-4-2) 20 - Garamond; 14 - Silversmith, 18 - Koller, 5 - Brand, 3 - Burns; 7 - Skapetis, 8 - Kasmiir, 14 - Stand, 16 - Caracole; 34 - Nicolau, 15 - Stavanger (c)
12th vs. 11th; impressive for the Southrons, less so the Hawks. They have the opportunity to swap, but not much else. Their squad selection reflects the low stakes. A first league start is given to Nephara U21 international Raluca Garamond, believed to be the in-house successor for Reinhard Lockwood.

Vermillion Rage (4-4-2) 1 - Ramelow; 45 - Schrader, 18 - Anderson, 13 - Cannon, 36 - Maurer; 33 - Rennet, 7 - Swan, 24 - Fifield, 16 - Moyer; 11 - Kinbois, 10 - Conte
Crisisbless United (4-2-3-1) 1 - Meixner (c); 25 - Mosin, 5 - Verlander, 32 - Hull, 34 - Collins; 8 - Garner, 6 - Marshall; 31 - Swanmore, 7 - Roesler, 16 - Kaelin; 9 - Carter
The Rage are throwing the game to maximise their chances in the Cup final, understandably. United are also airing out some fresh talent, though it’s a more competitive-looking side even if it is resting some key names like Antelmi.

AFC Treason (4-4-2) 1 - Clavel; 2 - Stride, 5 - Sale, 13 - Lockheed, 31 - Lockhart; 23 - Carter, 15 - Cronin, 10 - Jonsson, 11 - Fairfax; 21 - Metzger (c), 17 - Boldfont
Cypher Town (4-1-4-1) 25 - Rochester; 2 - Skapoulis, 5 - Holden, 13 - Foerster, 3 - Merritt; 8 - Madine; 7 - Sauthier, 22 - Bereveskos (c), 11 - Weiss, 23 - Kynda-Sevet; 17 - Rooke
The Stags will finish sixth, and be disappointed by it. Cypher will finish dead last, and be disappointed by that.

RELEGATION BATTLE
Belgrave (4-3-3) 1 - Connell; 2 - Muhren, 4 - Naess (c), 13 - Kushner, 22 - Washington; 43 - Berkut, 14 - Lechleiter, 19 - Ferryman; 24 - Manson, 9 - Alexander, 12 - Vasiliadis
Chatswood (4-2-3-1) 12 - Williams; 2 - Heidt, 5 - Ozolx-Alfan, 22 - Antosch, 3 - Hammond; 7 - Volz, 15 - Bischoff; 13 - Conleth, 21 - Prentice, 11 - Caulker; 10 - Henderson (c)
Chatswood are in perhaps the best position at the bottom. Victory would be enough to ensure survival; furthermore, they face a Belgrave side unapologetically keeping its best players back for the Cup final.

Cranequin Wanderers (3-5-2) 12 - Matheny; 13 - Musgrave, 23 - Carlin, 5 - Stoeva; 6 - Kaveci, 20 - Riaz, 8 - Mason, 21 - Butcher (c), 3 - Islinger; 7 - Grahn, 9 - Viere
Chenoworth Harriers (4-4-2) 20 - Matthews; 2 - Greene, 5 - Carroll, 6 - Niedermayer, 18 - Tsicaderis; 7 - Rivers, 21 - Charisteas, 10 - Stensholt (c), 13 - Kou; 9 - Whittaker, 17 - Wright
One to keep eyes peeled to. Currently ranked 20th and 21st, Wanderers ahead by a point but below on goal difference, it’s a direct death struggle between the two of them. The Harriers will need to defy their recent terrible stretch of form to keep their heads above water.

Creed United (4-4-2) 1 - Senninger; 2 - Kolaj, 19 - Rodrigues (c), 6 - Baste, 5 - Castor; 7 - Conway, 21 - Barbarouses, 14 - Havranek, 23 - Conrad; 16 - Taani, 10 - Donau
Crisisbless (4-2-3-1) 1 - Na’Kefir; 2 - Longship, 13 - Teffeteller, 4 - Bajnok (c), 16 - Strassman; 15 - Abylon, 6 - Bronte; 7 - Quintero, 8 - Woakes, 10 - Bowman; 17 - Laiota
Creed could still viably take 21st… but they need Cranequin to beat Chenoworth, Southfell to beat North Sabrefell, and, well, to beat the champions. No pressure, then.

Southfell United (4-4-2) 20 - Gavaris; 31 - Morvan, 5 - Grant (c), 6 - Ellis, 3 - Evans; 22 - Forestier, 8 - Hemeyer, 23 - Nagy, 16 - Anselm; 9 - Marlowe, 21 - Petrov
North Sabrefell (3-5-2) 1 - Daunten; 5 - Sesay, 6 - Clinton, 13 - Armbruster; 2 - Petrovic, 11 - Maersk (c), 4 - Cordwood, 10 - Laramee, 3 - Wolff; 21 - Numenen, 9 - Cheney
North Sabrefell are buried in 22nd but will be hopeful of victory in the relatively short trip down to Southfell. An injury-depleted Southfell at that.

KICK-OFF!
1 mins - And already a crunching, brutal challenge from Tawny Shone reminds Oscar Coltrane where they are! Of course, the referee doesn’t open his notebook. It might be a busy night for Martel Streiber, Nephara’s best and most experienced referee, one who knows to let the game flow.

2 mins - Eyes are, of course, on Leichhardt hosting the Crows. Both clubs are absolute eyesores in different ways. The Stargazers are, of course, resplendent in their piss-coloured uniforms and with their crest assembled by a stoned intern, while the Crows do, of course, literally just have a C and a full-stop for a crest on a bland middle-green. At least the Valesiders have a rumoured rebrand coming up...

3 mins - GOAL! STC 1-0 NLA. That was quick! And you can guarantee it’s going to be a miserable afternoon for the Spiders, because nothing - nobody - is as hard to break down as Stahlburg City coasting a 1-0 lead. Annoyingly, this was a soft one, Posipal sent overcommitting at Camille Lane, who dips inside and goes for goal herself. Krieven tips the ball against the post, but Shi beats a flat-footed defence with her characteristic waddle to tap home the rebound.

4 mins - In all honesty, probably being the most high-stakes fixture is the only way any neutral would ever be like, ‘hey, yeah, I’ll watch Wanderers-Harriers over literally anything else.’ That said, it’s off to a lively start, and Konrad Matheny’s ambition has already nearly got them killed; coming out for a long ball from Stensholt, out of his box, going to head it clear… missing… he scrambles back, and manages the far more impressive feat of scrambling the loose ball out from Grahn’s feet before she can form a shot from it.

5 mins - Chatswood are unsurprisingly starting the better against Belgrave, given that the Gargoyles’ midfielders are 32, 35 and 18. They should take a lead when the lively Gedeon Volz skids unexpectedly inside through the middle, skins Ferryman and drives a forceful pass straight to Ivana Henderson’s feet, the burly striker shoots, entire goal to aim at, defenders nowhere… straight into Brandon Connell’s chest.

6 mins - Ursula Maslow from Leichhardt mails in. “Hey, fuck you, Malte!” Gladly, but I’m busy right now. “Yellow and blue works, even if the shades have traditionally been pretty bad. But at least the colour theory is sound. Look at Brookford’s vapourwave abomination. Who looked at the fucking vapourwave flash-in-the-pan and was like, hey, yeah, this’ll be timeless and not a stupid gimmick?”

7 mins - Leichhardt almost take the lead against the Crows! Hadrian Belfast is fuming after a simple long throw from Asp Somner leaves everyone flat-footed. Lucy Almwood still has her hands on her hips when the ball loops over her head, finds Castor Meier, and all Meier has to do is centre it for the unmarked Stevenson… but he doesn’t. He shoots into the side netting. Stevenson uses many colourful words at the tricky winger, who at least has the grace to look embarrassed.

8 mins - The Moths almost take the lead! A spectacular phase of play - Bryony Westerveld’s heavy touch snapped up by Muscadin, who passes to Reach, across to Townsend, to the surging rightback Harper, who goes impetuously for a shot-- the shot is blocked by the back of the desperately sliding Sigismund, Turner reacts fast to trap the ball, gets closed down by Reinhardt, pulls the ball back to Reach who drives hard at goal, Gautier pushes the ball onto the crossbar, Reinhardt heads clear...

9 mins - GOAL! SFM 0-1 SFA. … And then Dominique spectacularly hoofs it further overhead, sets up Bryony Westerveld to rush past where Muscadin is-- where is the entire Moths’ defence? Nowhere. She passes to Ens, Ens teases out Jabelon and then splits him and Brix Hamilton to find where Sipke Tarala can just slot it casually past Robert Griffin. Shades of offside… ? But not enough. Ens’ sense of timing is impeccable.

10 mins - That’s still not enough for the Crows, still in fifth on goal difference unless they can beat the Canaries. The good thing is, they probably will beat the Canaries. Though Leichhardt have probably shaded the first ten minutes… Connie Reiziger is looking particularly good in an uncommon start, just her eleventh of the season.

11 mins - In a bad sign for the Bohemians, Southfell have had much the better of the game against them. Ivan Hemeyer is establishing control over the midfield, despite the Tanners’ disadvantage in numbers there, by thumping anyone who gets close. Kyshoen Nagy refuses to be thumped because he releases the ball before Cordwood can get near him. Unerringly. And Erik Marlowe’s shoot-on-sight policy has given Daunten something to do.

12 mins - Creed, for their part, have actually started brightly against Crisisbless. Catheline Harper’s instructions, she told the press, were to “rage against the dying of the light,” but they could hypothetically still survive. They’ll need to penetrate that back line, though; Barbarouses tests Na’Kefir from distance, though comfortably enough.

13 mins - “Sounds like a certain inbred Valesider hick needs to stay in her lane,” sniffs Lukas Broadside of Brookford. “The Otters look fantastic and distinctive. She wants a bad kit, she doesn’t have to look far. Corvette’s weird yellow and black bee-reject hoops? And the bad attempt to make it a faux ‘solid’ kit while being too cheap to change templates for the away?? And the terrible paintbrush aesthetic??? It’s shocking. No wonder they’re so bad they gave Gerwyn Clarke the armband.”

14 mins - GOAL! SLA 0-1 COH. One of the few meaningless matches tonight, but that’s a good thing for a South Laithland side who were not at all involved in the relegation battle this season. And it’s a good thing they haven’t been involved in the relegation battle this season because if they had been, Daniel Kunde might have walked into the pitch and killed Journey Pike on the spot, the centre-half swinging wildly at a cross from Rasmus Caracole, slamming it against the crossbar, and Nicolau reacting quickly to throw herself on the rebound and score her first of the season.

15 mins - Tom Whittaker has already been found offside twice for the Harriers. Snowy Brennan’s combination of Whittaker - ruthless finisher but lazy and irritating - and Sagittarius Wright, somewhat more promising but still raw, is a slightly desperate move to snap their winless streak. It would be kind of funny if they did get relegated without having actually been in the bottom four until the decisive moment...

16 mins - The Moths almost level! Swansea Reach draws a generous free kick from Dominique, one they wouldn’t get if they were the away team, and curls it around the wall - Gautier, at the full stretch of his impressive wingspan, tips it past the post!

17 mins - GOAL! TRE 1-0 CYT. A side like Cypher need to defend tightly, stay disciplined, and absolutely not concede off set pieces. And yet… Jonsson loops in a corner, Anna Rochester declines to come out to claim it and Lukas Boldfont nods it home at the far post. Henrick Barden shakes his head. His career seemed so promising last year.

18 mins - We hear back from Ursula Maslow. “Lukas is right, but I figured the general shitness of Corvette and everything in it spoke for itself.” Harsh, but fair.

19 mins - GOAL! BRI 1-0 ARC. Morena Deventer has been terrorising the callow young rightback Fiora Anders throughout, and plays a deft one-two with Micha Burkhard to drift behind enemy lines, control with a beautiful first touch and curl a strike across Annabelle Press. The goalkeeper impressively gets fingers to it, but it spins off the post past Tarrasch, to Tidesson, who centres for Evelyn Conjure to drive home decisively.

20 mins - GOAL! BEL 1-0 CHT. And against the run of play, too! A bit of nous from Alexa Ferryman sees her go past Gedeon Volz while standing still, she plays a one-two with Vasiliadis and shoots low past Williams from just outside the box, with nobody offering sufficient pressure. On the sidelines, Warner Dranz rips off a nail with his teeth.

21 mins - With that result, Cranequin and Chenoworth will both stay up if all results remain the same, but they can’t bank on it. For one, Belgrave are absolutely likely to fold at any moment. Manager Adalheid Metzelder even admitted to the press that she’d rather have blown off the game entirely to focus on ‘self-care’ ahead of the Cup Final. And they’re both poor sides in poor form, and will be confident about a result against one another anyway...

22 mins - GOAL DISALLOWED! Though it was never going to stand… Acatha Feldman, Corvistone’s goalkeeper, was known to be a solid enough Premiership goalkeeper but has had a truly revelatory season. But she’s also from Corvette. Suffice to say she’s getting a toasty reception every time she gets on the ball, and evidently spaces out as a result once. Wynder gently passes back to her, she takes a slightly overenthusiastic touch and Ingrid Auttenberg rushes her, essentially slide tackling her to stab the ball into the net. The referee smirks as she immediately rules it out.

23 mins - Vivica Muscadin plays into the ‘Rams are noble soldiers, Moths are filthy street-rats’ narrative when the young leftback gets flattened by Steve Fox’s sliding challenge and, evidently, can’t be too messed up since she has the presence of mind to ram her studs into his groin. Martel Streiber wearily gives them both a booking.

24 mins - GOAL! STA 0-1 NRC. Heavy touch from Varina Roebling, nipped away from her feet by Cassius Swibel, Lorelei Baer grabs the rebounding ball and strikes it forward. Unerringly, to Tom Duffy, who takes a slightly heavy touch and turns like a fucking steam freighter, winds up having to turn it off to Pristina Soeringer, seamlessly overlapping by and cutting inside and firing with pure nervous power past Smordal.

25 mins - Gareth Penrooke is widely rumoured to have begun his tenure at the Rooks by taking his players through a sorcerer’s ritual to cleanse them of negative energy. On this evidence, it’s working its literal magic.

26 mins - Penalty shout in Creed! A credible one at that! Joel Conway sand-wedges in a cross, Taani vaults Strassman and heads it down into danger and is that an ‘unnatural silhouette’ from Mortola Teffeteller? It bounces off her bicep, Donau can only sky the loose ball and gets flattened by Bajnok, referee is impassive.

27 mins - GOAL DISALLOWED! The Moths are convinced they have their leveller! But Streiber’s call is borne out by replays; Imriel Townsend just waits that little bit too long to release Cathal Turner through the defence. It’s a shame. The finish was a beauty.

28 mins - “We may be a wasteland shithole,” concedes Darius Tomason of, yes, Corvette, “but at least we’re a respectable and traditional club. Rebrands make me sick. Like Brookford’s - remember when they wore orange? But ‘Aries’ Chariots’ reimaginings make me sick. What was wrong with Violence? And what’s the deal with the stupid cyan-and-gold away kits? Paying ‘homage’ to the Licentian diaspora? Yeah, like that’s even relevant anymore. And with the red badge - you know, their eighteenth new badge or whatever in the past decade - it looks like garbage against it. How are you so bad you make one of your kits violently - sorry, Ariesly - clash with its own fucking crest?”

29 mins - GOAL! BEL 1-1 CHT. And normalcy is restored in northern Sabrefell, a clever passing move down the middle from Chatswood - quick, direct, snappy - is broken up when Prentice cuts to her left but drives out the pass with the outside of her right, releasing Severa Conleth who doesn’t bother taking a touch before blasting the leveller past Connell. Through his fingers; he could well have saved it, but it’s not a capital-H Howler.

30 mins - Corvistone have an attack break down due to Sonya Latimore falling down at a crucial moment. Then the Stargazers have an attack break down at the other end due to an air-swing from Connie Reiziger, which rather undercuts a hitherto impressive match.

31 mins - GOAL! BRI 2-0 ARC. Evelyn Conjure doesn’t often get the chance to sit in the primary playmaking role, but it’s a beautiful thing when she does. She just seems to take all the time in the world to sweep a perfect diagonal ball perfectly into the bath of Bryger Tidesson, even with Tarran Seamster desperately trying to close her down and hacking wildly at her ankles. Tidesson cushions a featherlike first touch to play Burnside out of relevance and then buries a cool finish past Press.

32 mins - GOAL! VRR 0-1 CRU. An elegant, flowing counter by four of United’s promising young guns. Rightback Karius Mosin waits for Alysia Moyer to overcommit, then steals the ball from her; he drives the ball forward to Danica Marshall, who turns quickly inside to deftly move past two midfielder before releasing Minerva Swanmore back down the right, and Swanmore’s inch-perfect delivery is flicked past Ramelow by Tanith Carter.

33 mins - You know, this relegation battle has really not gone as anyone expected. South Laithland, Belgrave and for the second time in as many years Crisisbless United have been totally irrelevantly floating in midtable. Adalheid Metzelder could, despite herself, honestly be a Manager of the Year candidate were it not for Hadrian Belfast’s run with Corvistone, while Tim Maitfield essentially repeated the feat when he won it last season. All this while bringing through a sheaf of new talents. When Meixner retires, Antelmi gets past it, and Karii Bruun is most likely sold to a better club (the Moths have been heavily linked) then Lazareva, Roesler and Mosin will all step up, while of course Carter and Marshall have already become established Premiership-level players.

34 mins - Wow, guess who’s next? Eloise Berger of Sabrefell. Gonna do a big guess and say eastern Sabrefell. “At least we have away kits with some meaning. The Cormorants have their lucky terracotta, we have our cyan-and-gold, and for all I care the others can all stick to white. Why the hell do Starling wear pink half the season when visiting one of the seven hundred other green sides in the league? Where’s the symbolism in that?”

35 mins - GOAL! STA 0-2 NRC. Starling are in the process of ending the season like they started it; incredibly, incredibly badly. Victor Sorloth is caught badly out of position and a desperate professional foul on Minka Bronson doesn’t make up for it; by then, she’s already slid the ball in for Cressida Voeller, the referee’s waved advantage, and Voeller’s smashed it over Smordal.

36 mins - GOAL! TRE 1-1 CYT. Totally against the run of play, as expected. Cypher have been pretty awful this season, but Janna Sauthier has not - Caspar Madine beasts Cronin in the air, Bereveskos deftly flicks it over to Sauthier, Sauthier drives it low past Clavel before anyone can close her down.

37 mins - The truest measure of a relegated side is this; who will leave for a Premiership side? One looks at Cypher and doesn’t suspect many. The sparky rightback Skapoulis, probably. Probably also Radek Weiss, who has been a serviceable and reliable professional at this level. Sauthier, perhaps. But most of their best players (Ruo, Bereveskos) are too old to be worth moving for. Will they stay with Barden, who knows 1Div very well despite his terrible record this season? Signs point to yes… for financial reasons as much as anything.

38 mins - GOAL! BRI 3-0 ARC. After a sustained period of pressure, Conjure lofts an insolent little chip over the beleagured Anders. Deventer whips past her, cuts back for Close who shoots with all his might. It deflects off Na’Duha, and Press can only flap it deeper into the net with her attempted rebalancing act. It’s been a good day for goalscoring fullbacks. It’s been a bad day for the Chariots.

39 mins - Annabelle Press looks like… well, she looks like a goalkeeper who shouldn’t have been given her senior debut here. She does not look like the solution to Commerford’s age or Briggs’ flakiness. She looks shell-shocked.

40 mins - GOAL! SFU 0-1 NSF. That’s a turn-up! Southfell have buffeted Paige Daunten throughout the match, but they’ve never quite been able to settle, and of late the Bohemians’ passes had begun to stick. Victoria Maersk is the architect, as with much of what little good has come of this season for North Sabrefell; she bypassed Ivan Hemeyer with an insolent little chip over his head, eventually retook the ball on the edge of the box and stuck it right in the bottom corner. Gavaris didn’t stand a chance!

41 mins - Trying to keep track of everything happening at once is slowly having its effect on me, just as it does every year. The walls are crawling. The screens pulse. I must see this through; it is my duty. But half-time cannot come soon enough.

42 mins - “Wow, all the smog-choked cityfolk punching down on the Vale, I guess,” sighs Starlingsider Berit Millan. What, cities like Brookford? The place has, like, one bar. I’ve been there once; it was awful. “You know what’s really sad, is the bullshit futurism of Morningstar. Their players look like the fucking backdrop to Tron, which makes the fact that they’re terrible at football even sadder and more pathetic. Green? Honest. Pink on the away? There’s a place for it. What the fuck is going on with Stars?”

43 mins - The goal is surely coming for the Moths! Again, Swansea Reach has too much time and space, and she picks out a brilliant little pass for Zoe Aedelbrandt to find. She needs to pass it! She shoots! Gautier stands strong, beats it away with a foot!

44 mins - GOAL! BEL 1-2 CHT. Ah, a pure striker’s goal, this. Ivana Henderson takes the ball from Reis Caulker, uses her strength to turn Belgrave captain Drusilla Naess, and uses her power to drill a strike past Connell. That, for the time being, convincingly lifts the Axes to safety.

45 mins - The impetuous Sonya Latimore does an Aedelbrandt, also finding a run on goal, Baba Warrington right there for the pass, but instead she lets herself be drawn too far wide and fires into the side netting. Warrington reacts in a perfectly normal human way by pulling off his boot and hurling it at her head.

Injury time - GOAL! SFM 1-1 SFA. As has been coming throughout the half - a grass-cutter from Imriel Townsend that sneaks ever so slightly past the long-limbed Gautier! But in isolation, it’s nothing; the Moths are still beholden to the Crows’ result in the Vale. But if they can get another… and if they can build on this momentum in the break. Tony Dalton is fuming - how could Lucas have let her slip by? There’ll be hell to pay at half-time in the Farham, one suspects. Speaking of...

HALF-TIME SCORELINES
Brinemouth 3-0 Aries Chariots
Belgrave 1-2 Chatswood
Cranequin Wanderers 0-0 Chenoworth Harriers
South Laithland 0-1 Coret Hawks
Leichhardt 0-0 AFC Corvistone
Creed United 0-0 Crisisbless
Vermillion Rage 0-1 Crisisbless United
AFC Treason 1-1 Cypher Town
Starling 0-2 Newrook City
Stahlburg City 1-0 North Laithland
Southfell United 0-1 North Sabrefell
Sabrefell Moths 1-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Sabrefell Moths and Sabrefell Athletic are set to qualify for the Champions League. Cranequin Wanderers are set for the relegation playoff, and Cranequin Wanderers and Chenoworth Harriers set to go straight down.

19. CHATSWOOD - 47 - -18
20. NTH SABREFELL - 46 - -35
21. CRANEQUIN - 45 - -25
22. HARRIERS - 44 - -16
23. CREED - 42 - -37

46 mins - And we’re back-- ah, here we go. Gaheris Collingwood from Morningstar has emailed in over the break! “Perhaps it’s not so easy for a suburban pretty-boy to understand, but growing up in a place like Morningstar means it’s important to stay aspirational. Isn’t that the Nepharim spirit? No matter how grim the day is, there is neon in the future? But maybe you’ve forgotten what it means to strive to move up in the world, using your hireling peons as a footrest.” Ah, now there’s a surefire way to win any argument in Nephara; imply your opponent is middle-class.

47 mins - Adalheid Metzelder appears to have made a triple substitution. So much for resting her best players, she’s out for blood. Top scorer Markus Strand replaces the clumsy Alexander, who just isn’t cut out for this level, Etienne Berkut’s hooked for Emeraude Tanner after a valiant start to his Premiership career, and Aura Keynes replaces Atlas Vasiliadis on the left wing.

48 mins - Someone in Sabrefell has thrown a billowing green flare at Aurelian Gautier. Not to be outdone, some enterprising soul in the away end hurls a billowing red flare at Robert Griffin. Martel Streiber sighs, and mentally adds the cleanup time to the clock.

49 mins - Stahlburg City are coasting against the Spiders, who just can’t get any serious penetration. But a Starling side who need four goals (and the Spiders to score twice) have at least exited the break with a head of steam

50 mins - Leichhardt probably shaded the first half against Corvistone, but thus far it’s been all Crows. But squeezing the Stargazers’ disciplined defence takes more than possession alone. Krista Morham squeezes off a shot under pressure from Reiziger, but it’s comfortable enough for Adekoya to catch on the full.

51 mins - … Seriously, shouldn’t someone have scored by now?

52 mins - GOAL! BEL 2-2 CHT. Ah, there we go. And already Metzelder’s switch-up has paid off! Tanner hits a deft, delicate and decisive ball over to Markus Strand, who nods it down with the perfect cushioning to tee up former Corvistone winger Erica Manson. One touch off the chest, one with the right to steady it and help Hammond overcommit, and a sweep of the left to finish coolly past Nova Williams and level the scores!

53 mins - PENALTY FOR THE HARRIERS! And like a bus, you wait forever until two come at once… Sigrun Rivers has had a productive time of it on the flank, and here jinks inside and then out and Tanya Islinger eeever so slightly overcommits and ankle-taps her. Rivers goes down hard. Probably mostly sincerely, too.

54 mins - And… Tom Whittaker blasts it into the sun. Snowy Brennan fumes, hurls a water bottle at him from the sideline. Then grabs an ice-box full of drink bottles-- the fourth official has to have a very urgent word with her, and a very firm grip on her arm, before she relents.

55 mins - Ingenue Williams gets the ball rolling again. “The convention I can’t stand is stripes. Particularly light and dark. Looks okay from the front, but then you go to the back and it’s like, wow, you really just have to squeeze black letters between the white lines? Yeah, I’m talking about Crisisbless. Champions or not.” She’s from … Crisisbless. So I guess if anyone wants to bite, they should say something about chequers looking stupid.

56 mins - Southfell United have looked the better side against North Sabrefell this half, with Nagy imperious in the middle of the park. The Tanners have a bright future, one suspects. But one also suspects they’ll be fighting suitors off for Bowyer, Nagy and Petrov, though the latter has had something of an off day so far.

57 mins - GOAL! BRI 4-0 ARC. The Chariots aren’t very good, are they. With Isla Safarova, it feels they’ve run their course. A lukewarm Chariot attack breaks down, Ilyana Brosch strolling into the path of a supposed killer ball through the defence, and she sends it up to Burkhard, to Conjure, to Deventer, who tees up Desya Kuznetsov for goal number 29 of the season. And that puts him on top of the goalscoring charts.

58 mins - Chatswood aren’t managing to pass through Belgrave; things are just coming unstuck in the centre of the park. Esmond Moore lumbers on for Volz, to sit alongside Henderson in a 4-4-2. But young Volz has been one of the Axes’ best players today, even playing well inside of his usual wing position, and the fans… the fans make their displeasure known. Volz takes his time walking off, applauding them.

59 mins - GOAL! SFM 1-2 SFA. And just like that, Athletic take the lead in enemy territory! Swansea Reach is an excellent young playmaker, but her rashness can sometimes cost her team. Her pass to Turner was never on, gets cut out by Sigismund, and a series of sweeping passes later Xixi Ens tees up Bryony Westerveld to race into space, narrowly beat Griffin to the ball and chip it deftly over him, hurdling him as he slides in, and turning to celebrate before it even crosses the line.

60 mins - Leichhardt nearly take the lead against Corvistone in farcical circumstances. Shorn of their usual set piece specialist, Loxton, through injury, Connie Reiziger swings in a corner at the near post. Standing her post at the line, Wynder swipes at it awkwardly, and actually winds up scuffing it at goal! Acatha Feldman scrambles fast to beat it away, and Dejanira Trifunovic desperately sends it clear for another corner. This one, less exciting.

61 mins - GOAL! CRD 1-0 CRI. Oh. Oh, wow. The Heelers have looked lax, complacent. Which is fair enough. They’re against a terrible side, and have won the league. But come on. You can’t let a ball bounce in the box! And Delphi Barbarouses, a Crisisbless product herself - someone who openly celebrated their title win, on twii.tur - buries her chance past Na’Kefir. It will take some more results turning their way… but they could still survive.

62 mins - “Chequers do look stupid,” confirms Nadia Lauren, also from Crisisbless. “And yeah, the numbers thing is true, but it’s not the problem with the design, it’s an issue with Cloaker not figuring out that maybe numbers could be dark and outlined in light. Or vice versa. Or whatever. Anyway I can’t figure out a way to segue to what I want but Vermillion’s kits look like garbage and have always looked like garbage. It’s just a dirty orange shirt! What’s the point?”

63 mins - GOAL! TRE 2-1 CYT. Roanne Fairfax is not a goalscorer. Unselfish to a fault. With Rochester caught out of position, Aristide Metzger draws her away from goal before teeing up Fairfax to surely just roll into an empty net… but Fairfax overcomplicates it, crossing to the far post. Lukas Boldfont sprints and slides to bundle in his second of the match, salvaging the situation.

64 mins - Crisisbless almost hit back immediately against Creed. An almost casual series of passes between their high-class midfielders is capped off by a lethal little toepoke from Bowman that nutmegs Kolaj and sends Close clear on the overlap. The Nephara captain swings in a cross, and Senninger leaps to claim it before being crunched by Laiota. The ball spills, and Laiota hauls himself up from the ground, puts a boot in Senninger’s kidney and just about prods the ball over the line, but it’s disallowed to nobody’s surprised.

65 mins - Chatswood think they’re back ahead for just a moment, but nobody else is fooled. Esmond Moore fairly blatantly traps a cross from Reis Caulker with his elbow, before hammering it by Connell with a ruthlessness that Axes fans presumably really wish he’d save for when he isn’t obviously cheating.

66 mins - GOAL! CRW 0-1 CHH. Hasret Kaveci has perhaps been the Wanderers’ player of the match so far, successfully repressing the irrepressible Kou. Until now. She misjudges the flight of Riaz’s pass, allows Kou to cut across her and clumsily and inaccurately hacks at her to try and cover, and failing, and Kou’s lightning pace sees her eat up the ground at a terrifying rate. She draws off Musgrave, then tees up Wright, whose shot is body-blocked by the sliding Carlin, but Stensholt traps the bouncing ball, sizes up her options and the open field in front of her, and simply strokes the ball beyond Matheny’s reach from just inside the area!

67 mins - That’s put the cat amongst the pigeons at the bottom, and it’s bad news for Creed, who need the Wanderers to win so they can climb over the Harriers. As it stands, they’re out on goal difference even if Southfell score against North Sabrefell. And right now, that feels like a shame.

68 mins - Double substitution at Leichhardt, as Hadrian Belfast rolls the dice. Malia Yonen’s hooked after an uninspired display and replaced by young, energetic and dangerous Rachel Arniston; Latimore, who should have set up Warrington for the opener late in the first half, is replaced by Kaya Catley, which is more like-for-like. The Stargazers have Emil Klempner warming up, presumably to replace Ingrid Auttenberg. The once-maligned cult hero striker will surely get a rousing send-off in her final match.

69 mins - There’s so much damn football to keep track of. Why do they insist on putting me in this dark, squalid little room? Why are the lights dancing in the corners of my vision? What are the stars?

70 mins - GOAL! SFM 1-3 SFA. The Moths get caught up the field, again! They want to get this win, badly, but Zoe Aedelbrandt’s heavy touch is snapped up by Steve Fox, and Fox dashes past the stranded Vivica Muscadin, and suddenly the right is totally opened up… and he just keeps running, before eventually flicking the ball over the top of everyone to where Xixi Ens is racing to. The Farf comes to a dead stop, daintily puts out a boot to trap a chest-height ball, lets it bounce once as Brix Hamilton desperately tries to cover and whips a cobra-strike past Robert Griffin.

71 mins - And with that, Xixi Ens draws level with Kuznetsov on twenty-nine league goals. He already has to be considered the more complete player; Kuznetsov is a beautifully pure, wild-eyed goal machine. Xixi Ens is maybe the best player in the world. His domestic form is spectacular, and he’s got a World Cup winner’s medal around his neck. All he needs is one more goal here… but then, Kuznetsov only needs one more too, against a Chariots side in active collapse...

72 mins - GOAL! STC 1-1 NLA. Clever wing play allows Luke Roberts to redeem a largely invisible performance, blasting past Prant-Telew with sheer power from the corner of the box to give a glimmer of hope to the Passerines.

73 mins - Emil Klempner did indeed come on, and he very nearly puts Leichhardt in the lead with one of his first touches! The effevescent Castor Meier clips in an awkward medium-height cross that nobody deals with, but Klempner dives and contorts his body, flicking a lethal header towards the top corner! Feldman reacts well and quickly to tip it over the bar. Hadrian Belfast frets.

74 mins - Barth Meyer wants to know if any of the teams jostling for the playoff will even stand a chance against Diamondqueen. This isn’t exactly a strong vintage, no. But then, the Diamonds are not the strongest fourth-placed side out there. Elaine Koeller has done an excellent job with the parts at her disposal, but by Premiership standards their strikers are blunt and their midfield, Sefton aside, is dangerously languid. But they will have confidence, and none of these teams (save Creed, should they make it) are in good or happy form.

75 mins - GOAL! STC 2-1 NLA. The Passerines’ glimmer of hope is probably snuffed out with that, even if they can put three past Iarrow in the last fifteen minutes. The hulking Mathis Orsay gets on the end of a crisply-taken free kick from Aurelie Henry, Krieven reacts superbly to claw it away but Kresimir Brujah pounces on the rebound to scuff it home.

76 mins - GOAL! VRR 1-1 CRU. A rare error from Reinhard Meixner in the United goal. Anezka Rennet’s strike is low, and powerful, but Meixner should have had his near post covered and the veteran knows it well. Still, it’s… bluntly, not like it matters. To anyone.

77 mins - Seventeen emails have hit since the half-time break alone begging me to stop indulging people talking about kits. I cannot be stopped. I am too powerful. After my ninth can of First Wind, my eyes are starting to pulse with lightning. And, anyway, I am nothing if not a man of the people.

78 mins - Time to indulge Fiona Corral talking about kits. She’s from Brinemouth, and she seems to want peace. “I think North Laithland’s kits are really lovely,” she says serenely. “Moreso than South’s,” she adds, less serenely.

79 mins - Of those sides that have confirmed promotion, Chenoworth Rovers look like fairly obviously the best of the lot. They’ll need a lot of investment, though, to overhaul players good enough to keep their boot on 1Div but not enough to make the step up. A goalkeeper, a rightback, a centre-half, probably a holding midfielder, probably a striker… actually, the shopping list is quite extensive. The Wanderers have less experience, but a solid back line and Istria Saara’s goal threat should make them competitive. But one has serious worries for a Stahlburg Rovers side that will require a major overhaul to even only be as good as the side that got relegated...

80 mins - GOAL! SFU 1-1 NSF. And that’s a massive, crushing blow to the Bohemians! And it’s been coming, too! Lyzolda Petrov takes Anselm’s ball, slams elbow-first into Nils Armbruster, spins away and shoots low and hard with her usual concussive brilliance. Daunten straight-bats it back with an overly blunt parry, immediately senses the danger and scrambles forward, but not fast enough - Petrov buries the second bite of the cherry, pure power.

81 mins - The suspiciously Brenecian-sounding Goneril Coughlan emails in from Vermillion. “Sorry, aren’t we meant to get right of reply? Like a fucking chain fetch quest?” He says some other things, but I have ascended beyond such petty disputes by this stage. It’s the last ten minutes. Shit is officially on.

82 mins - GOAL! BEL 3-2 CHT. And suddenly, the Axes have reason to be grateful for Petrov’s goal, as their flattened midfield fails to keep pressure on Alexa Ferryman, who slips between the lines, picks her place and drills high into the top corner! Oh, that made a satisfying clank as it smacked against the intersection of post and bar. The Bohemians will overtake them if they can get their lead back.

83 mins - First Wind’s PR representative appears to have emailed me offering a sponsorship deal for next year. Don’t mind if I do.

84 mins - GOAL! LEI 0-1 CVS. A breakthrough at last for the ragged Crows! Bruenna Savo’s only just come on at rightback and her energy pays off, harrying a tired wing to distraction before slipping through Clarisse Ulreich. She cuts inside, jockeyed cautiously by Tess Saunders, before her telepathic connection with Baba Warrington pays off; staring Saunders dead-on, the centre-half doesn’t even notice the flick of the outside of the boot that meets Warrington in stride, and the burly striker puts his boot through it, hammering it past countryman Adekoya, crashing it against the underside of the crossbar and narrowly the right side of the line!

85 mins - And now the Moths need to mount a comeback against Athletic, and--

86 mins - GOAL! SFM 1-4 SFA. -- they aren’t going to manage it making mistakes like that! Oh, Swansea! Reach has let the pressure get to her, and a heavy touch traps a pass from Shone, she dawdles for just a second too long trying to pick out the perfect pass and gets pulverised by Gabrielle Reinhardt, bravely coming out of defence, then slotting the ball along the right wing. Westerveld takes it, slides it to Tarala, who drives it past Griffin with aplomb!

87 mins - GOAL DISALLOWED! Drives it with aplomb from an offside position. The linesman took his time to raise the flag, making me look like an idiot in the process. Streiber’s being mobbed by the Rams, while the Moths wheedle in his ear to remind him that the longer he indulges them, the less time they have to mount a comeback that isn’t happening anyway. Streiber ignores everyone and blows the whistle passive-aggressively in people’s faces. Now there’s a man worthy of flying the flag at World Cups for us.

88 mins - It doesn’t look like it’ll happen now - it would need a turnaround, the Wanderers to beat the Harriers - but the fact that Creed have done their part over the past two matches confirms that Catheline Harper deserves the chance to bring them back up. The crowd is chanting her name. Quintero, Woakes and Bowman are being held at bay, almost comfortably, against a midfield that unironically is having to hand starts to a 32-year old Andre Havranek.

89 mins - GOAL! TRE 3-1 CYT. It’s irrelevant to anything, but Lysistrata Carter curls a luscious strike over Anna Rochester, who brushes fingertips to it without changing its trajectory. Cheney Bittencourt has at least salvaged a season when a full-blown title hangover loomed. Cypher might not be back for a while, though they’re a stubborn club to keep down for long.

90 mins - GOAL! SFM 1-4 SFA. And this one will stick. Xixi Ens caps off a humiliating second half for the Moths with his 30th league goal of the season, crisply driven home from the edge of the box where, as is so often the case, he lurked unseen until it was too late. That’s the Iron Boot sorted, then. And the Moths dumped out of the top four, unless Leichhardt can still score...

Injury time - Leichhardt can’t still score, and with just a minute of extra time that’s confirmed fairly quickly, a frustrated shot from August Peacock smashed well over as the last kick of the game. But the Stargazers have little to be worried about; they survived, that’s the main thing. And Corvistone have made the top four, even if they couldn’t quite pull a Starling. Starling themselves did not put up a fight and have let slip their top seven place to Stahlburg, the other big hitters of the season. At the bottom, no less than four sides wind up on 44 points - and for Creed and North Sabrefell, that’s not enough. The Wanderers will face the playoff and Chatswood, despite a disappointing defeat to a heavily weakened Belgrave, survive. But don’t let the day’s results fool anyone. At the end of the day, it is Crisisbless who are champions.

by **Nephara** » Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:55 am

PROMOTION PLAYOFFS
2DIV Southriver / 3DIV Rochford Pilgrims
The Rusalki came into their big day at the Eagles Club as a side happy just to still be in with a shot of staying up; the Pilgrims came in with a burning desire to finally make good on their burning ambition. From the very beginning, however, it was the Pilgrims who looked like the higher-tier side, attacking with pace and power as Southriver struggled to throw off the shackles they’d operated throughout the season. Ismael Hauer was given a rare chance to break the deadlock against the run of play for the Rusalki, on the stroke of half-time and against the run of play; however, teed up by veteran midfielder Cyrus Saebener, he could only contrive to blast over from inside the box. The Pilgrims, for all their dominance of the ball, struggled to find a true opening… but when one came, tricky midfielder Alyssa Plenary made good what Hauer could not and found the top corner with the only goal of the game.

1DIV Morningstar / 2DIV The Strongest
Morena Camberwell remains in the job for Stars, and has cut a grimly determined figure throughout. “I’ve saved this club before, and I can repeat a trick,” she announces before the match. Certainly, her Stars are solid, but morale is low, and it shows in the early stages as the Strongest rip them up all across the park. Carter saves well from Wright, then Machin. Already, Stars feel like they’re looking for a miracle… and one comes with their first meaningful chance, Leila Chaseling finding herself in all the space in the world and using it to lash a shot past Cavan. Wright stabs home an equaliser at the far post, but the Strongest look thrown.

Stars build confidence in the second half, but then it’s the Strongest’s turn to hit them where it hurts, Tulaska Sunstroem squirrelling away from trouble, seemingly playing herself out of position but then chopping back across Carney and lashing across Carter. Clank! It hits the far post on its way in, raising vain hopes of a reprieve as Carter hooks it vainly away, but it had crossed the line by a distance. But nobody can save the Strongest from themselves. Tyw Salling’s careless, heavy touch is swept up by Ballista Meade, who tees up strike partner Roxanna Strong to hammer home against her near-namesakes. Strong may only have scored twelve league goals all season, but that’s scarily close to half Stars’ total. She’s a threat.

And yet, when it comes to the eventual penalty shootout, she loses her nerve. It’s too close to the middle, too pedestrian, too easily beaten away by Alastair Cavan. He doesn’t need to make another save, nor does he need to; Thanasi Holland clips the outside of the post, and Barack Strauss blazes over. Karel Machin, a calmly resolute presence over the 120 minutes without ever being spectacular, fires low, hard and simple, sending Carter the wrong way and Stars tumbling out of the First Division.

PREMIER Cranequin Wanderers / 1DIV Diamondqueen
Cranequin Wanderers (3-5-2) 12 - Matheny; 13 - Musgrave, 23 - Carlin, 5 - Stoeva; 6 - Kaveci, 20 - Riaz, 8 - Mason, 21 - Butcher (c), 3 - Islinger; 7 - Grahn, 9 - Viere
Bench: 1 - Sirleaf; 4 - Kravec, 11 - Ford, 14 - Ariztegi, 17 - Bishop, 18 - Treeswallow, 22 - Woodpress
Diamondqueen (4-3-1-2) 1 - Tristram; 16 - Pfeiffer, 13 - Ainsworth, 6 - Everard, 3 - Rowles; 7 - Schmetzer, 4 - Sefton, 23 - Creek; 21 - Bowman; 9 - Lyritzis, 11 - Escrow
Bench: 20 - Keller; 2 - Wiseford, 5 - Frantisek, 8 - Taheri, 10 - Rusnak, 19 - Brind, 20 - Carmine

Jerrell Drake has squeezed the most out of a thin, uneven squad. So, for that matter, has Elaine Koeller; and she’s had the luxury of giving her charges a proper rest last match, picking a B-list side to get picked off by Cranequin City. The Wanderers will hope that that’s a good omen, however hard their rivalry with their smaller cousins. This is a match that will be won in midfield, with both sides having their weaknesses at either end of the pitch.

Then again, maybe Claudia Escrow would challenge that assertion. Once a serviceable Premiership striker, she’s found new life as a veteran marksman in the tier below, and the ability to dig out the ball and find the bottom corner under pressure from the edge of the box will never go out of fashion. It’s a fitting reflection of the Diamonds’ early dominance, Willow Creek providing the assist after a ball won by Sefton, and now the Wanderers need to strike back, and strike hard. That, they manage relatively soon through a characteristic patient passing approach, until the seas seem to part before Shona Butcher as the captain leads by example to plant a strike squarely past Tristram.

The game seems to quieten down after that point, Wanderers trying to pass through the Diamonds’ press with limited results, and possession largely bogged down in the middle of the park. It’s the kind of situation that takes a moment of inspiration to handle, and perhaps the impetuous rush of youth that Marduk Schmetzer offers the Diamonds. Riaz flicks a dangerous ball back to Mason, and Schmetzer blindsides him, races by, cuts inside Lyn Musgrace and curls a strike past Matheny with a finish worthy of any Champions League striker. The half ends in a sudden rush of chances; Lyritzis misses a sitter, and Hestia Bowman coaxes a sharp save from Matheny. The sense is that either could have ended the tie then and there.

They would be made to rue those missed chances. In the second half, momentum shifts. Leda Tristram almost concedes sloppily, fumbling an optimistic drive from Riaz into Grahn’s path - Jessica Everard has to react quickly to nip it away from her feet and play herself out of trouble. But when Riaz advances again, she seems to keep the Diamonds in a trance, mazing past three men until being brutally chopped down by Matthias Ainsworth. Shona Butcher makes no mistake from the spot; Tristram goes the right way, but can’t do it all. And the final blow comes from the one weapon the Diamonds have no answer for; Rhoda Treeswallow, only just fresh off the bench, picks out Viere with an inch-perfect cross. The satyr rises, shrugging off the attentions of Everard, and nods the winning goal into the bottom corner past a scrambling Tristram. The Diamonds press hard late on, but lack that bit of penetration as the Wanderers unashamedly park the bus, Vasya Kravec and Declan Mason proving brutalist partners in crime.

The Wanderers, then, live another day. But the Diamonds can reflect on a very strong season, and a platform to build on… so long as they can keep, or more likely replace, the likes of Sefton and Bowman, and as long as Claudia Escrow can keep staving off Father Time.

NFA CUP FINAL - BELGRAVE vs. VERMILLION RAGE
Belgrave (4-3-3) 20 - Bonds; 23 - Neumann, 5 - Kinsey-Hessenford, 6 - Skapoulis, 3 - Russett; 11 - Steward, 17 - Belfry (c), 8 - Katsura; 7 - Sloan, 16 - Strand, 10 - Keynes
Bench: 1 - Connell; 2 - Muhren, 4 - Naess, 9 - Alexander, 14 - Lechleiter, 19 - Ferryman, 24 - Manson
Vermillion Rage (4-3-3) 20 - Hargreaves; 17 - Salek, 18 - Anderson, 5 - Barksdale (c), 3 - Rouphos; 8 - Konse, 4 - Hooper, 14 - Fleetwood; 15 - Hart, 9 - Heward, 23 - Porter
Bench: 1 - Ramelow; 2 - Austad, 7 - Swan, 10 - Conte, 16 - Moyer, 19 - Skondreas, 24 - Fifield

This is all set to be one of the classics. Two sides who survived comfortably, though at the start of the season that seemed a remote prospect for the Gargoyles and at the midway point that seemed downright impossible for the Rage. No serious injuries, attack-minded teams in good form, continued loyalty to the Cup goalkeepers… it could be something special.

It isn’t.

Both sides are very aware of the threat the other poses on the break against their own, vulnerable defence. Adalheid Metzelder has particular reason to fret when her veteran defender Skapoulis was a Vermillion reject. And unfortunately, neither’s especially inclined to open up as a result. The ball becomes bogged down in midfield as various tidy midfielders slide the ball to and fro, with only Jairobi Konse really having the gumption to try and run around and kick people. A dire first half ends with a shot sailing complacently into Hargreaves’ arms, the Rage goalkeeper’s first save of the day.

The second is a little better, especially late on as the defence starts to tire. Defending in sixes and sevens, Belgrave quash what looks to be Vermillion’s breakthrough when an interception of Steward’s pass is seized on and rushed forward, and Hart eventually blasts a shot into Kinsey’s face. At the other end, Katsura dribbles well past two men and then dives fairly blatantly, getting booked for his efforts. It’s something. Hargreaves nearly fumbles a shot from Steward into her own net. A shot from Nike Rouphos skims the crossbar on its way over. And the defence tires, and tires, but the finishing touch isn’t there for either side.

So, inevitably, to penalties. Vermillion earn the right to go first, and Carlos Conte, the 35-year old warhorse whose tenure in Vermillion just didn’t quite work out as anyone wanted after that explosive first season (oh, but what a year that was...) but if this is to be his last involvement, smashing his penalty decisively into the top corner, so be it. Markus Strand, Belgrave’s star striker, is less decisive… but gets away with it, Hargreaves sent the wrong way.
Syrene Fleetwood, such a precise midfielder, goes for power. And regrets it. Casey Steward goes for placement, and threads the ball beautifully into the bottom corner just outside Hargreaves‘ reach.
Danica Heward, shifted out to the left wing in the game’s dying moments without particular impact, does make good on this. Kotaro Katsura, whose only fault as a player is that he believes he has no faults as a player, goes for the Panenka. Hargreaves stands still.
Konse and Manson both drive home powerful penalties; Bonds gets fingers on Konse’s, and slams the ground in frustration.
Nike Rouphos goes for a clever dink, like Katsura. And pulls it off, the overheated Bonds sprawling and humiliated, furious at herself after a fine performance in open play. Aura Keynes steps up. A tricky winger. A seasoned head. It’s weak. It’s too central. She knows, before it happens, that Hargreaves will-- yes! She parries it, straight back where it came from but here it doesn’t matter. Keynes hoofs the ball into the sky and screams in frustration as orange shirts pile into the field, as Cralt-Nirlo exalts in the comeback he has managed, surviving seemingly certain career death early on to sail to safety with silverware to show for it. It will be Hecia Barksdale lifting the trophy. Most of all, it will be something more to rub in the noses of Parrhesia fans to the north.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              46  31   5  10   90  39  +51  98
  2 Brinemouth               46  29  10   7  101  51  +50  97
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       46  27  13   6  110  60  +50  94
  4 AFC Corvistone           46  27  11   8   85  52  +33  92
  5 Sabrefell Moths          46  27   9  10   86  51  +35  90
  6 AFC Treason              46  26   6  14   88  55  +33  84
  7 Stahlburg City           46  20  16  10   61  41  +20  76
  8 Starling                 46  21   7  18   78  64  +14  70
  9 Southfell United         46  18  15  13   75  64  +11  69
 10 North Laithland          46  19  10  17   65  65   +0  67
 11 Coret Hawks              46  18  11  17   80  68  +12  65
 12 South Laithland          46  17  10  19   55  61   -6  61
 13 Vermillion Rage          46  16  12  18   68  73   -5  60
 14 Belgrave                 46  16   6  24   66  93  -27  54
 15 Aries Chariots           46  13  13  20   59  72  -13  52
 16 Crisisbless United       46  13  12  21   52  82  -30  51
 17 Newrook City             46  12  13  21   57  69  -12  49
 18 Leichhardt               46  11  15  20   42  73  -31  48
 19 Chenoworth Harriers      46   9  19  18   47  62  -15  46
 20 Chatswood                46  10  14  22   41  61  -20  44
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      46  11  11  24   44  70  -26  44
 22 Creed United             46  11  11  24   51  87  -36  44
 23 North Sabrefell          46  11  11  24   45  81  -36  44
 24 Cypher Town              46   5   8  33   31  83  -52  23

TOP SCORERS
30 - Êns (SFA)
29 - Kuznetsov (BRI)
26 - Tarala (SFA), Turner (SFM)
23 - Warrington (CVS), Metzger (TRE)
21 - Tidesson (BRI), Woakes (CRI)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Xíxì Êns (SFA)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Xíxì Êns (SFA)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Reniira Clevinger (NRC)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Damian Bowman (CRI)
Team of the Year: Na’Kefir (CRI); Stride (TRE), Bajnok (CRI), Brosch (BRI), Almwood (CVS); Tidesson (BRI), Shone (SFM), Woakes (CRI), Bowman (CRI); Kuznetsov (BRI), Êns (SFA)
Bench: Feldman (CVS); Sigismund (SFA), Close (BRI), Ulreich (CVS), Keskin (CVS), Henry (STC), Turner (SFM)
Manager of the Year: Hadrian Belfast (CVS)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Chenoworth Rovers         46  34   9   3  91   26  +65  111
  2 Vermillion Wanderers      46  32   9   5  82   35  +47  105
  3 Stahlburg Rovers          46  30   8   8  90   41  +49   98
  4 Diamondqueen              46  28   7  11  92   50  +42   91
  5 Brookford Otters          46  25  12   9  74   42  +32   87
  6 Raven River               46  24  12  10  76   42  +34   84
  7 Iron City                 46  19  18   9  52   34  +18   75
  8 Corvette Maulers          46  20  11  15  69   59  +10   71
  9 Parrhesia United          46  18  14  14  87   79   +8   68
 10 Gonen's Bridge            46  18  10  18  55   69  -14   64
 11 AFC Serpentine            46  16  15  15  68   61   +7   63
 12 Armstrong                 46  18   9  19  42   47   -5   63
 13 Goodfeather FC            46  17   9  20  67   69   -2   60
 14 Chardonnay Rangers        46  14  14  18  55   70  -15   56
 15 AFC Rochford              46  13  10  23  38   54  -16   49
 16 Bishop                    46  13  10  23  48   70  -22   49
 17 Dartmouth Terriers        46  10  17  19  44   59  -15   47
 18 Mantlegrove               46  10  17  19  36   62  -26   47
 19 Crisisbless Athletic      46  11  13  22  59   77  -18   46
 20 Cranequin City            46  11  13  22  44   63  -19   46
 21 Morningstar               46  10  13  23  30   51  -21   43
 22 Alliance Barossia         46  11   6  29  32   66  -34   39
 23 West Brinemouth           46   7   8  31  36   69  -33   29
 24 Locksley                  46   7   8  31  44  116  -72   29

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Sabrina Patton (CHR) - 34
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Markus Sefton (DMQ)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Aranea Provost (BRO)
Team of the Year: Provost (BRO); Wernbloom (STR), Bohr (VRW), Capradossi (CHR), Seraph (CVM); Koerner (CHR), Sefton (DMQ), Riitsi (BRO), Kalevi (VRW); Saara (VRW), Patton (CHR)
Manager of the Year: Jakob Mortimer (GOB)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Barossia United            46  26  11   9  87  39  +48  89
  2 Corinthians No Longer      46  25  10  11  93  52  +41  85
  3 Pillars of Southfell       46  24  10  12  60  34  +26  82
  4 The Strongest              46  24   8  14  97  76  +21  80
  5 AFC Shale                  46  22  12  12  53  35  +18  78
  6 Hackett                    46  21  14  11  83  54  +29  77
  7 Peregrine                  46  22  10  14  82  54  +28  76
  8 Aries Solitaire            46  20  13  13  71  54  +17  73
  9 The Hanged Man             46  19  16  11  57  42  +15  73
 10 Greygate                   46  18  13  15  70  61   +9  67
 11 Ritter Town                46  18  11  17  63  62   +1  65
 12 Autumnstone                46  18  11  17  74  78   -4  65
 13 Stonegrave                 46  15  19  12  49  45   +4  64
 14 Extreme Hills              46  19   7  20  82  80   +2  64
 15 Riverkey                   46  17  13  16  52  52   +0  64
 16 Boltcroft Thorns           46  16  12  18  67  78  -11  60
 17 Falston United             46  15  11  20  51  66  -15  56
 18 Gosmouth Swans             46  12  13  21  53  76  -23  49
 19 Ballardine FC              46  12  13  21  48  73  -25  49
 20 Coret Rovers               46  10  15  21  54  73  -19  45
 21 Southriver                 46  11  10  25  38  73  -35  43
 22 Lazuli Diamonds            46  11   7  28  44  93  -49  40
 23 Crossroads Town            46  11   5  30  50  89  -39  38
 24 Martella Jazz              46   8  12  26  57  96  -39  36

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Sylvia Wright (STR) - 29
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Markus Teamster (BAU)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Felix Luthier (HCK)
Team of the Year: Brookhouse (POS); Ryghseter (SHA), Fraser (CNL), Inkster (SHA), Beckerman (BAU); Ishtar (POS), Teamster (BAU), Moonshine (PER), Porter (CNL); Jensen (BAU), Wright (STR)
Manager of the Year: Warren Orwell (THM)

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sheridan                     46  27  11   8  70   29  +41  92
  2 Brokenarch                   46  26  12   8  79   39  +40  90
  3 Mapleford                    46  25  12   9  80   47  +33  87
  4 Rochford Pilgrims            46  26   9  11  95   64  +31  87
  5 Strephonage                  46  25  11  10  59   39  +20  86
  6 Kommissar                    46  22  12  12  76   47  +29  78
  7 Kensey Town                  46  21  13  12  85   62  +23  76
  8 Ingram Township              46  19  15  12  52   38  +14  72
  9 East Laithland Harriers      46  21   7  18  78   72   +6  70
 10 Brindleton                   46  17  16  13  57   45  +12  67
 11 Caldwick Strand              46  18  13  15  71   62   +9  67
 12 Cranequin Souths             46  18  12  16  67   65   +2  66
 13 Hartford Glade               46  18  11  17  66   69   -3  65
 14 Iron United                  46  18   9  19  59   60   -1  63
 15 West Hook                    46  15  10  21  50   59   -9  55
 16 Crownsend Journey            46  13  14  19  54   71  -17  53
 17 Ox River United              46  13  11  22  40   57  -17  50
 18 Riverkey Shells              46  11  15  20  54   70  -16  48
 19 South Parrhesia              46  11  11  24  72  102  -30  44
 20 Downsparrow                  46  12   8  26  52   86  -34  44
 21 Fully Sick XI                46  11  11  24  53   88  -35  44
 22 Rushe United                 46   9  14  23  61   90  -29  41
 23 Brunyard FC                  46   9  13  24  58   94  -36  40
 24 Sutcroft                     46   8   8  30  56   89  -33  32

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 FC Seierstad            38  22   9   7  76  43  +33  75
  2 Lockheed Zenith         38  22   7   9  74  45  +29  73
  3 Ringway                 38  20   8  10  50  40  +10  68
  4 Lindmark Falcons        38  20   4  14  58  43  +15  64
  5 Besand's Folly          38  18   9  11  61  52   +9  63
  6 Sirencall FC            38  17  10  11  45  40   +5  61
  7 Iberia Chenoworth       38  17   8  13  75  62  +13  59
  8 Harrington              38  18   4  16  57  54   +3  58
  9 Grovebank               38  16   9  13  50  38  +12  57
 10 AFC Hellerine           38  15  10  13  53  53   +0  55
 11 Boleyn Town             38  14  13  11  39  40   -1  55
 12 Sutcroft Athletic       38  16   6  16  43  49   -6  54
 13 Stonesthrow Town        38  12  11  15  32  37   -5  47
 14 Fischer                 38  11   9  18  43  53  -10  42
 15 Courser                 38   9  13  16  42  54  -12  40
 16 Chenoworth Teutons      38  10   9  19  33  44  -11  39
 17 AFC Feuerweiss          38  10   8  20  39  52  -13  38
 18 Fenland Albion          38   9   8  21  34  55  -21  35
 19 Sleetwell Rangers       38   9   8  21  43  72  -29  35
 20 AFC Mittelmarch         38   7  13  18  27  48  -21  34

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Constance Park            38  18  14   6  46  22  +24  68
  2 New Oakstone Phoenix      38  19  11   8  61  39  +22  68
  3 Bodkin Road               38  20   8  10  69  48  +21  68
  4 Rookwall                  38  21   4  13  51  40  +11  67
  5 Latin Enclave FC          38  18   8  12  83  61  +22  62
  6 Brookford Vantablack      38  17  10  11  56  40  +16  61
  7 Long Lake                 38  17  10  11  43  35   +8  61
  8 Corvistone City           38  17   9  12  46  31  +15  60
  9 Northside Eagles          38  17   6  15  66  59   +7  57
 10 AFC Volksgarten           38  16   8  14  45  37   +8  56
 11 Longwinter                38  15  10  13  57  49   +8  55
 12 The Travellers FC         38  15   8  15  49  42   +7  53
 13 Barhara Cavaliers         38  14  11  13  57  59   -2  53
 14 Twelvetrees               38  15   7  16  36  38   -2  52
 15 Aries Tigers              38  11   9  18  52  78  -26  42
 16 AFC Burchess              38  10   8  20  38  64  -26  38
 17 Markoni                   38   9   9  20  37  62  -25  36
 18 Gridlock                  38   8  10  20  25  49  -24  34
 19 AFC Davenport             38   8   7  23  47  73  -26  31
 20 Blaze                     38   8   7  23  39  77  -38  31

by **Nephara** » Thu May 07, 2020 4:52 am

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by **Nephara** » Fri May 15, 2020 5:29 pm

Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

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