Draft 1.3
[Title] Unhealthy Speculation
[Validity] No State Media. Has Democracy.
[description] After your sister convinced you to see your doctor for what turned out to be a routine bug, a viral video began making the rounds of your doctor cheerfully reminding you to take care of yourself, "after all, no-one lives forever" at the exit. Now, media supporting your opponent are full of stories about '@@LEADER@@'s Failing Health Shocker! Snap Election Scuttlebutt as Statesperson Sees Sawbones'.
[option] "Well, let's face it, none of us are getting any younger," trills the Minister of Popular Science, taking your waist measurement. "But you can make these naughty little rumours stop by being photographed in a few newspapers and magazines looking the picture of health: cook a nice salad in your kitchen, go for a bracing swim, perhaps take part in a half-marathon -- don't worry, we'll fix it so you look good. Play to the peanut gallery with some rehearsed interviews about how you've never felt better thanks to your healthy lifestyle, and don't forget some healthy living tips that we'll give you for Joe Public. Everyone will see that you're absolutely fine."
[effect] pictures show @@LEADER@@ doing a victory dance towards a lot of rotund children at the finish line of a marathon local athletes were unaware of
[validity] has sport
[option] "Well, let's face it, none of us are getting any younger," trills the Minister of Popular Science, taking your waist measurement. "But you can make these naughty little rumours stop by being photographed in a few newspapers and magazines looking the picture of health: cook a nice salad in your kitchen, meditate in the garden, perhaps go for a long walk in the country -- don't worry, we'll make you look fabulous. Play to the peanut gallery with some rehearsed interviews about how you've never felt better thanks to your healthy lifestyle, and don't forget some healthy living tips that we'll give you for Joe Public. Everyone will see that you're absolutely fine."
[effect] some viewers spy price-tags on @@LEADER@@'s waterproof jacket in interviews about their frequent nature walks
[validity] no sport
[option] "How stupid do you think the @@DEMONYM@@ public are?" demands the Shadow Minister of Health, interrupting the first speaker before she can answer. "Some staged photographs in Cor, Blimey! magazine won't fool voters, and it won't fool Parliament. Who goes to a doctor unless they're desperately ill? We demand that you, @@LEADER@@, give your doctor permission to release your full medical records: every sniffle, every owie, every booboo. We deserve transparency! We have a right to know what ails our leader."
[effect] the front page story of @@LEADER@@'s babyhood rash is starting to make @@DEMONYMPLURALNOUN@@ teeth itch
[option] "Everyone is entitled to some privacy!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@ your devoted personal secretary, throwing @@HIM@@self in front of you. "@@LEADER@@ has nothing to hide, and will -- I'm sure -- be happy to brief Parliament with a discreet summary sheet of relevant information from the recent consultation. As for the public, if the government encouraged everyone to have regular, free health checks, they would learn there is nothing sinister about someone who works so hard for all of them -- and is so noble and perfect -- being one-hundred percent sure they're fine. If the public knew not to take chances with their health, they would know you were just being smart and cautious and just the leader we need."
[effect] freely released health information often reads "the patient is [redacted][redacted][redacted][redacted]fine[redacted]"
[option] "'No-one lives forever'? 'No-one lives forever'!" bellows your Minister of Strangleholds, who is currently shaking a vase of tulips until all the petals fall off. "Your Doctor 'Shivago' imagined your death with a great big grin on his treasonous face. Back in the days of Imperial Sacerdia, they knew how to do deal with scum like that: anyone who implied the Imperial Princess was some pathetic, mortal weakling was executed. If you made such a law here, all this idle prattle about your health would stop -- once they see your doctor feel the sharp end of his... misaimed premonitions." He chuckles to himself.
[effect] reality may be hazardous to health
Open for comment.
