[submitted 10.12.19] The Wurst Meat

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Inspired by my wife asking me to make sure that the sausages bought for dinner were at least 80% pork.

DRAFT 2:

TITLE:
The Wurst Meat

VALIDITY:
Low food standards, capitalist, not vegetarian.

DESCRIPTION:
Food scientists recently examined the market-leading brands of meat sausages, and discovered that many had barely any meat in them at all, with most being bulked out with cheaper rusk, bulking agents or -- in one case -- fine sawdust.

OPTION 1
"How can these sausages call themselves meat when they're mostly plant fibres?" asks chicken chipolata aficionado @@randomname@@, waving a manky-looking kielbasa at you. "The industry should be forced to clearly display the percentage of meat on the packaging, and shouldn't be allowed to call itself a meat product unless they are at least 50% meat. We, the people, hunger for better food standards!"

OUTCOME:
according the the government a BLT sandwich is suitable for vegetarians

OPTION 2
"Animal protein is expensive," complains small town butcher @@randomname@@, wringing his blood-stained hands. "With sausages, it's hard to make both ends meat. Look, people buy and enjoy them, no matter what they're made of. Can't you just leave it to the free market and wind back on all this food-labelling nonsense?"

OUTCOME:
sausages often have a woody flavour

OPTION 3
"Bad sausage! BAD SAUSAGE!" yells vegetarian activist @@randomfemalename@@ taking a claw hammer to a raw saveloy with sufficient fervour to make all the men in the room wince. "The correct amount of meat in a sausage is ZERO percent. Sausages, and indeed meats in general, represent an ecological and cardiovascular time bomb. Take the nation into mandatory vegetarianism, and end this meaty madness!"

OUTCOME:
salt-soaked vitamin-deficient mycoprotein is believed to be the "healthy" dietary option

DRAFT 1:

TITLE:
Silly Sausage

VALIDITY:
Low food standards, capitalist, not vegetarian.

DESCRIPTION:
Food scientists recently examined the market-leading brands of meat sausages, and discovered that many had barely any meat in them at all, with most being bulked out with cheaper rusk, bulking agents or -- in one case -- fine sawdust.

OPTION 1
"How can these sausages call themselves meat when they're mostly plant fibres?" asks chicken chipolata aficionado @@randomname@@, waving a manky-looking kielbasa at you. "The industry should be forced to clearly display the percentage of meat on the packaging, and shouldn't be allowed to call itself a meat product unless they are at least 50% meat. We, the people, hunger for better food standards!"

OUTCOME:
according the the government a BLT sandwich isn't a meat product

OPTION 2
"Animal protein is expensive," complains small town butcher @@randomname@@, wringing his blood-stained hands. "With sausages, it's hard to make both ends meat. Look, people buy and enjoy them, no matter what they're made of. Can't you just leave it to the free market and wind back on all this food-labelling nonsense?"

OUTCOME:
sausages often have a woody flavour

OPTION 3
"Bad sausage! BAD SAUSAGE!" yells vegetarian activist @@randomfemalename@@ taking a claw hammer to a raw saveloy with sufficient fervour to make all the men in the room wince. "The correct amount of meat in a sausage is ZERO percent. Sausages, and indeed meats in general, represent an ecological and cardiovascular time bomb. Take the nation into mandatory vegetarianism, and end this meaty madness!"

OUTCOME:
salt-soaked vitamin-deficient mycoprotein is believed to be the "healthy" dietary option

[Bears Armed]

Getting issues ready for the new 'Beta' stats already?

I like this, but instead of just using cost to justify the use of non-meat ingredients how about a "This mixture of meat, herbs, and rusk, is our local[/]i traditional [i]recipe: Let the foreigners have their "all-meat" 'Worst',if they want, but let us keep our good old 'Bangers' too" option?

(Yes, the spelling of 'Worst' there is deliberate...)

[USS Monitor]

Inspired by my wife asking me to make sure that the sausages bought for dinner were at least 80% pork.

Now we know you really live in the UK. Those sausages that are more filler than meat are very British.

[Trotterdam]

The only thing I'm worried is that sawdust masquerading as food has been done before, even if it was a different food. Though, that draft doesn't look to have been accepted, so duplication isn't an issue. I do have to ask, though, what makes this draft better than that one.

Meanwhile, we definitely do have #367, which is about stuff advertised as meat products that does actually contain meat, just not the right species of meat.

Personally, of course, I'm inclined to side with the vegetarian. If you can already sell a "meat" product that only contains 10% actual meat and most consumers won't care, then why not get rid of that 10% too?

[Jutsa]

Food scientists recently examined the market-leading brands of meat sausages, and discovered that many had barely any meat in them at all, with most being bulked out with cheaper rusk, bulking agents or -- in one case -- fine sawdust.

Gotta admit, this has inspired me to make an issue for communist nations...

[The Free Joy State]

I like this issue.

Can I suggest a small tweak:

OUTCOME:
according the the government a BLT sandwich isn't a meat product

[effect] according to the government a BLT sandwich is suitable for a vegetarian diet

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Getting issues ready for the new 'Beta' stats already?

Heh, no. The new stats you're thinking of are entirely secondary derived stats, we wouldn't be hard coding a change based on specific narratives into this issue.

I like this, but instead of just using cost to justify the use of non-meat ingredients how about a "This mixture of meat, herbs, and rusk, is our local[/]i traditional [i]recipe: Let the foreigners have their "all-meat" 'Worst',if they want, but let us keep our good old 'Bangers' too" option?

(Yes, the spelling of 'Worst' there is deliberate...)

Weirdly, I'd considered something along those lines, inspired by a stand-up comedian's joke I heard

I met a German at an international sausage making competition and I said Do Your Worst.

However I ended up dropping the pun because I liked "make both ends meat" better. I might though consider changing the title to "The Wurst Meat". Yeah, let's do that.

I like this issue.
Can I suggest a small tweak:
[effect] according to the government a BLT sandwich is suitable for a vegetarian diet

Will definitely do that, that's a good change.

[USS Monitor]

I liked the old title.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I like both

When I submit it I'll tag both titles on there and let the editor pick.

[Australian rePublic]

Minimum 50% meat? That's awfully lenient. I'd go atleast 65%+