The Official Monster Raving Loony Party

[The Archregimancy]

I just posted the Official Monster Raving Loony Party political manifesto in a UK election thread, and thought that this fine institution deserved its own thread.

The OMRLP is a UK political party that's been around since 1963.

Its current political manifesto is:

Cool on the outside:
To combat global warming and climate change all buildings should be fitted with air conditioning units on the outside.

Wheelie Bins:
The idea of weight monitoring chips in wheelie bins should be scrapped, instead the wheels should be removed, this would mean that if people generated too much waist they could not put their non-wheelie bin out for collection. It would also help prevent them being chucked into canals.

Needles
Due to the increasing number of children afraid of needles, I propose the destruction of the tedious, scary and often painful process of school vaccinations.
Instead, I propose that highly trained nurses should be given free reign on the playground with specially modified tranquillizer rifles which apply vaccinations as well as a tranquillizer. This would have two main benefits: It would be less scary for the children as they will not know what hit them, also it will be more fun for the nurses


Hypocrites
It is proposed that all politicians be made to swear a "hippocratic oath", preventing them by law from being Hypocrites. All politicians should be made to stand by their policies, or or at least admit that they were wrong.

GCSE Lottery
It is proposed that, before the beginning of exams, the exam board will select a certain obscure phrase which will be kept secret. If any pupil inadvertently writes this phrase in any exam,he/she will automaticaly receive straight A* grades, and a free teddy.

One Sided Policy
It is proposed that The European Union end its discrimination by creating a "Court of Human Lefts" because their present policy is one_sided.

Prison Food
The problems of prison overcrowding and increased crime will be solved easily by issuing a compulsory contract on McDonalds to do all prison catering. Convervative estimates suggest a 50% reduction in crime rates within 2 years with 0% re-offender figures.

Political Colours
All politicians should paint them self's permantly head to toe in the colour of the party they represent - e.g. all Labour candidates in Red , all Conservatives in Blue ,etc,etc

One hours silence.
At 12 0' clock pm every day we will have a one hour silence dedicated to our time that has been lost due to work, home and labour

Good Heroes
Make it illegal for super heroes to use their powers for evil.

Safe Tractors
Ban tractors from driving on roads, they can drive across their fields.

Scary Terrorists
Ban all terrorists from having beards as they look scary.

Poop Scoop
Anyone allowing their Hyena to poop on the pavement should shovel it away immediately, As this is no laughing matter

Put a Sock in it
All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one.

And here's the welcome from their leader on the party website (http://www.omrlp.com/)

Welcome To all Old New and Prospective Loonies

Thankyou for looking at our new website.

Started in 1963 by Screaming Lord Sutch, (a former Rock n Roll Star) the Loony Party has gone through many name changes, trial and tribulations to become a tradition in British Politics.

Many of our ideas and policies first ridiculed for being “Silly” “Loony” or just plain daft have now become the Law of the land.

Voting at age 18, All day opening of pubs, and many other ideas were first put forward by members of the Party.

We have proved that anyone can stand (or sit down) at an election, which is their democratic right.

It is because Institutions like us exist and are allowed to exist, that we can still say that Great Britain is still the Best country in the World.

We all have different reasons for joining the Loony party. Some agree with some of our policies and find that they are maybe not such silly ideas, and for others its their democratic right and probably only chance to poke fun and derision at the Government, maybe for others it their “Five Minutes of Fame”. Whatever reason you have let us not forget that having Fun is a primary reason for our existence.

We make elections more fun, brighter, colourful and humorous.

We hope that you will join or renew your membership of The Official Monster Raving Loony Party and help us to maintain a True British Tradition.

You can find out more about us and keep up to date with Loony News on this website.

Alan “Howlin Laud” Hope

So if you're British, have you ever voted for, or would you ever consider voting for, the OMRLP?

If you're not British, would you consider voting for the OMRLP if you lived in the UK?

And why?

[EvilDarkMagicians]

I would never vote for them.

[Fson]

If they ran in NI i would vote for them.

[Surpsainia]

Are they still going

Not only would I vote for them, also be willing to be the local candidate.

[No Names Left Damn It]

I would actually vote for them if they ever fielded candidates in my ward or constituency.

[Gherkiniz]

I would never vote for Loony.

However, I do believe that they are an important part of British politics, demonstrating that anyone could, and should run for election.

I believe they were also the first party to propose same sex marriage.

[Heinleinites]

Political Colours: All politicians should paint them self's permantly head to toe in the colour of the party they represent - e.g. all Labour candidates in Red , all Conservatives in Blue ,etc,etc

Shouldn't it be 'themselves' and 'permanently?' The color scheme you've got there is, oddly enough, the exact opposite of what we use here in America, thus proving, once again, that Great Britain is really just Bizarro America.

As far as the OP goes, I'd vote that ticket if I lived in Great Britain Bizarro America.

[EvilDarkMagicians]

Political Colours: All politicians should paint them self's permantly head to toe in the colour of the party they represent - e.g. all Labour candidates in Red , all Conservatives in Blue ,etc,etc

Shouldn't it be 'themselves' and 'permanently?' The color scheme you've got there is, oddly enough, the exact opposite of what we use here in America, thus proving, once again, that Great Britain is really just Bizarro America.

As far as the OP goes, I'd vote that ticket if I lived in Great Britain Bizarro America.

Mate, we were the original get it right. *Nods*

[Surpsainia]

Political Colours: All politicians should paint them self's permantly head to toe in the colour of the party they represent - e.g. all Labour candidates in Red , all Conservatives in Blue ,etc,etc

Shouldn't it be 'themselves' and 'permanently?' The color scheme you've got there is, oddly enough, the exact opposite of what we use here in America, thus proving, once again, that Great Britain is really just Bizarro America.

As far as the OP goes, I'd vote that ticket if I lived in Great Britain Bizarro America.

[The Archregimancy]

Shouldn't it be 'themselves' and 'permanently?' The color scheme you've got there is, oddly enough, the exact opposite of what we use here in America, thus proving, once again, that Great Britain is really just Bizarro America.

As others have implicitly noted, I think you'll find that in the rest of the world, it's far more usual to use red for left of centre parties (as Labour used to be) and blue for conservative parties.

The use of red to symbolise the Republicans and blue to symbolise the Democrats is in any case a fairly recent convention of American politics that only really dates back to the 1980s.

And all misspellings are in the original; I just did a cut and paste. All part of the Loony charm

[Heinleinites]

Mate, we were the original get it right.

Of course, being a Bizarro duplicate, what you say is the exact opposite of what you mean.

As others have implicitly noted, I think you'll find that in the rest of the world, it's far more usual to use red for left of centre parties (as Labour used to be) and blue for conservative parties. The use of red to symbolise the Republicans and blue to symbolise the Democrats is in any case a fairly recent convention of American politics that only really dates back to the 1980s.

And another joke goes 'caw, caw' as it flies over heads at NSG.

[The Archregimancy]

And another joke goes 'caw, caw' as it flies over heads at NSG.

Translation: nobody found my 'joke' funny, and I now have to find a way of saving face by implicitly claiming it was too clever for anyone else to 'get'.

[Heinleinites]

Translation: nobody found my 'joke' funny, and I now have to find a way of saving face by implicitly claiming it was too clever for anyone else to 'get'.

I don't know about 'nobody', I thought it was funny. Still do. 'Bizarro America.' Heh. As for 'saving face', I don't take this forum seriously enough to need to do that. Besides, you give me too much credit. A joke about 'Bizarro duplicates' may be a lot of things, but 'clever' isn't really one of them. It's too pop-culture.

[No Names Left Damn It]

Translation: nobody found my 'joke' funny, and I now have to find a way of saving face by implicitly claiming it was too clever for anyone else to 'get'.

I found it funny. NSG takes itself way too seriously.

[BunnySaurus Bugsii]

Do the Loony Party have an official anthem ?

I'm imaging something with kazoos, steel drums, an electric rebab and a canine lead vocalist.

[BunnySaurus Bugsii]

And another joke goes 'caw, caw' as it flies over heads at NSG.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

[Heinleinites]

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

That's what I try and do, 'beguile sad fancies into smiling.' I don't think I've ever wore a 'countenance of grave and stern decorum', though. It's hard to do that, and chew tobacco. Spitting every other minute or so is quite possibly the exact opposite of 'stern decorum.'

[BunnySaurus Bugsii]

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

That's what I try and do, 'beguile sad fancies into smiling.' I don't think I've ever wore a 'countenance of grave and stern decorum', though. It's hard to do that, and chew tobacco. Spitting every other minute or so is quite possibly the exact opposite of 'stern decorum.'

My first inclination was to complain about being crapped on by a crow ... then I thought of something more random.

US author, too. Makes it funnier.

[Heinleinites]

My first inclination was to complain about being crapped on by a crow ... then I thought of something more random. US author, too. Makes it funnier.

He was popularized by a Frenchman, too, wasn't he? At least as far as European audiences go, anyways.

[BunnySaurus Bugsii]

My first inclination was to complain about being crapped on by a crow ... then I thought of something more random. US author, too. Makes it funnier.

He was popularized by a Frenchman, too, wasn't he? At least as far as European audiences go, anyways.

I'm no expert on Poe. I have hardly even read him, tbh.

[Colonic Immigration]

I'd vote for em if I could.

[BunnySaurus Bugsii]

If I had TWO votes, I'd vote for them. Once.

Maybe they should put that in their platform. More votes for the people!

Why stop at two ??

[BunnySaurus Bugsii]

Come to think of it, and seriously: why not?

Give each citizen a hundred votes. They can vote for candidates in proportion to how much they like or dislike them. Or they can put all their votes down on just one candidate.

Preferential voting is sort of like that, but you have to study the figures rather well to be sure that your vote for a minority candidate is counted, while still allowing your vote which finally counts to go to one of the candidates who has a realistic chance of winning. Many people just vote as their preferred candidate's party recommends ... giving too much power to the party to do preference deals.

[Muravyets]

If you're not British, would you consider voting for the OMRLP if you lived in the UK?

And why?

Fuck yeah!!! I'm wondering if it would be possible to open a chapter in the US. We need some frigging levity. Our politics have been totally sucking lately.

Seriously, humor is not just a ... well, a joke. The platform items you list above are all very funny, which is already a good thing for public discourse, but they are also smart and thoughtful. They cast a new angle on aspects of government and issues that people need to stop and think about. How much do we really mind something? What do we really think is the cause of this or that thing we've been complaining about? Where does all our frigging time go anyway? What's the difference between a real issue the government should be paying attention to and some bullshit pet project of some loser? Etc. Jokes are vitally important, especially when they are told by smart people.

Also, I heartily approve of that tranquilizer gun vaccinations thing. Teach the little buggers to stay alert, as well as prevent measles.

[Tunizcha]

The OMRLP, also known as the Knights Who Say Ni!