Comments welcome.
SECOND:
TITLE:
Pickles in a Box
VALIDITY:
Maybe a consequence to A Grave Problem, maybe standalone issue
Protests legal.
Adult, maybe.
DESCRIPTION:
Among a significant proportion of @@PLURALDEMONYM@@, it is a common funeral custom for the dead to be embalmed and laid to rest in expensive bespoke coffins, to slow decomposition for funeral rites and to show respect to the deceased. However protestors against this practice have occupied @@CAPITAL@@'s largest graveyard, complaining about the ecological harm of this approach.
OPTION 1
"They're burying or burning chemical-soaked organic matter with vast amounts of hardwood, metal and concrete in a single-use application that will literally never again see the light of day," proclaims protest leader @@randomname@@, using your great grandfather's tombstone as a pedestal. "Legislate to require biodegradable and sustainable materials, and ban the use of funerary preservatives. In death, at least, let's limit the harm we're doing to the planet."
OUTCOME:
everybody is food for the worms sooner or later
OPTION 2
"Have some damn respect for the dead!" yells undertaker @@randomname@@ wrestling the protestor, and bodyslamming @@HIM(1)@@ into a memorial statue. "These disrespectful scum make me so angry! Who are they to interfere with the dignified and hygienic funeral customs that people choose for their loved ones? You should arrest these wretched troublemakers for desecrating of this place of peace!" @@HE(2)@@ delivers another kick to the stomach of the supine environmentalist.
OUTCOME:
buried treasure is everywhere
OPTION 3
"There's actually a great opportunity here," interjects Internal Revenue director @@randomname@@, emerging vampire-like from a nearby coffin. "We can charge a tariff to customers who have eco-unfriendly funerals, and give a small incentive payment to those who are maximally eco-friendly. Of course, we can tweak the thresholds for this regularly to make sure that the Treasury does well out of the deal. Doesn't that sound fangtas... uh... fantastic?"
OUTCOME:
the only certainties are death, taxes and death taxes
FIRST: