Dude, leave it in the past. You’re the only person how continues talking about it.
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by The World Capitalist Confederation » Tue Sep 10, 2019 8:51 am
by Prolieum » Wed Sep 11, 2019 8:23 am
"We are the Canadian Borg. Resistance would be impolite. Please wait to be assimilated. Pour l'assimilation en Francais, appuyer le numero deux."
by Imperial Esplanade » Wed Sep 11, 2019 4:37 pm
Prolieum wrote:Another statement. I seem to be making a habit of them, but this may break it. This one is particularly difficult.
I will not bury the lede. I have been thinking and reflecting a great deal over these last two weeks, and I am increasingly considering retirement.
This is not a new consideration. It has flitted about at various times, but has taken up a more significant position in my mind over the last several months. The recent incident was not the impetus of this, but has done something to perhaps sharpen the focus on it, and provide additional perspective.
To take from The Lord of the Rings, I have been ever-increasingly feeling 'thin, and stretched', and very much in need of a holiday. In some ways, I feel much like a President after their term of office, coming out aged far more than their years. Running the roleplay has been taxing, the visible actions of running the machinery of the roleplay in applications, Congress, rosters, summaries, and the like, added to driving it forward in the actions of the Presidency and others, and more behind-the-scenes action in looking to manage and assist players in roleplay and non-roleplay matters, and draft concepts and plans for the future happenings of the roleplay, amending, recreating, or discarding them by what had and is happening. It has been a significant time commitment that has become increasingly difficult in the context of full-time work and other personal real-life responsibilities. That does, however, come with the territory, that sort of work should be expected in a roleplay of this size, significance, and longevity, quite frankly an unprecedented combination of the three. Perhaps more significant is that this has been a time without a single true 'holiday'. Over the last three years, the roleplay has managed to take a position of dominance in my real-life affairs and scheduling. I feel the obligation and responsibility to check in, and to be accessible, ready at hand to address any issues in the roleplay in-thread or by telegram, or simply to manage the function of Congress. The importance of that in seeking to maintain the roleplay and the outsized weight it has has required planning real-life happenings around being able to have the time and ability to check-in on mobile, and, on at least three occasions, I have cancelled or foregone events of some significance in real-life due to roleplay obligations. I have often envied the breaks that many players have taken, to step away for some months, even CTE, and return to find the roleplay still running, still maintained in that absence, doing something that I knew I never could.
I believed that I understood these responsibilities, and accepted them. That was done, at first, with a sense of purpose, seeking to preserve, even rescue, a roleplay that seemed to be crumbling when I first stepped in as OP in the early chaos in Krugeristan's time. I took some pride in that, pride in that, though matters had gone so far as for the roleplay to be openly declared dead, we righted the ship, and sailed on. That sense of purpose became one of enjoyment in running Washington as the roleplay began to hum along with great success. While the success did not abate, administrative responsibilities began to feel more burdensome, to where this seemed a second or third job, with its high points, certainly, but work nonetheless. Over the last several months, the responsibility seemed to move from a job to a grimly and tiredly executed duty. It was at this time that I first started to seriously think about retirement, but I could not, I felt that it would be a betrayal of the members of this roleplay and those enjoying it, that I would be taking something away from others out of selfishness on my own part. So, I continued.
Even in that, I knew, even when I did not acknowledge it, the obvious fact that however long I could continue to perform my duties, it could not be forever, I could not have to maneuver my life around responsibilities here for decades on. There had to be, at some point, an off-ramp, even if I could not envision one. I do not know if this truly is one or if, more likely, I am stopping in the middle of the road.
I know that there has been talk of a successor roleplay. If it does come about, it will have my blessing, and whatever permissions are required for it. It will not be the same, I do not think we expect it to be, but I hope that there is an opportunity for there to be somewhere for the players here to go, some kind of home. Stripping this kind of roleplay opportunity from this roleplay's members by my retirement is the very last thing I want, and the fear of doing that, destroying a good experience for others out of craven self-interest, has been much of the reason I have remained.
I feel that I should re-write this statement one more time, it has been some hours of revision seeking to find the right words, but it is as good as it is going to get. I have, intentionally, looked to avoid going too far into the personal during my time stewarding the roleplay, and I am not the most skilled at expressing myself now when it comes down to it. This is ultimately what I have to say as best as I can say it, and it is incredibly hard. That same sense of responsibility that has been what kept me going now seems like it is being shirked, and the pain of that feeling comes with the more emotional measure of simply not wanting to be done, not wanting bring an end to a happy past.
That cannot happen, for certain, until I bring an end to this message, itself a difficult task. I feel both like there is so much more to say, and that I already begin to say the same things again in different words and should cut this down. I have no special final line to end this on. This has been a long time coming, but still feels too soon.
-Prolieum
But the Lord stood by me, and gave me strength. (2 Timothy 4:17)One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. (Rita Mae Brown)
by Tallahassee News Station » Thu Sep 12, 2019 3:43 pm
by Tallahassee News Station » Thu Sep 12, 2019 5:50 pm
by Dentali » Thu Sep 12, 2019 5:52 pm
Tallahassee News Station wrote:Heh, Klob just quoted the RP quote, nice capper
by Puertollano » Thu Sep 12, 2019 7:42 pm
by Bruke » Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:10 pm
by Main Nation Ministry » Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:13 pm
Bruke wrote:Good on Cox for getting the last word in the IC!
by Bruke » Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:55 pm
by Main Nation Ministry » Thu Sep 12, 2019 11:01 pm
Bruke wrote:Main Nation Ministry wrote:He's trying to reveal Cao's true self, along with getting support for himself and against Cao. By trying to gain McGareth, he can at least prove a point.
I don't think it matters anymore.... the RP is frozen.
I mean its good that he got to say tbe last words anyone will say in Washington.
by The Galactic Triumvirate » Tue Sep 17, 2019 6:39 am
Tallahassee News Station wrote:I guess with Pro being out, that means me too. I was planning on scaling down, and obviously that wouldn't mean trying to take over to fill that hole. It was a good run.
by Federal States of Xathuecia » Tue Nov 05, 2019 6:51 pm
by Chewion » Sat Jan 04, 2020 8:34 pm
by The Central Shadow Nation » Mon Nov 30, 2020 7:01 pm
by The Orion Islands » Wed Feb 10, 2021 9:04 pm
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