NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Trotterdam]

#1264 Flooding the Market

The Issue

Recent floods devastated low-lying areas, and the affected areas are only just starting to recover. Now, news is emerging that during the disaster many local retailers were found to have significantly elevated prices for basic necessities such as water, blankets, flashlights, and matsutake mushrooms.

The Debate

1. "The sheer nerve!" gasps disaster survivor and multimillionaire actor @@RANDOMNAME@@, who is wearing nothing but an old potato sack to elicit sympathy. "After we've lost everything, these predators had the nerve to profit from human suffering? These price gougers didn't care how much they were hurting people, so the government must care. Fix prices in place for the duration of any disaster, and shut down any store that refuses to comply!"

2. "Fixing prices in place isn't enough," argues charity worker @@RANDOMNAME@@, pushing aside the disaster victim so @@HE/SHE@@ can take center stage. "Retailers can set whatever prices they want throughout the year, but during times of disaster they should be forced to discount basic necessities, for the sake of human kindness. These big companies can easily afford a temporary loss, and this way disaster victims don't have to choose between bread and batteries."

3. "If they don't like the free market, they shouldn't be living in @@NAME@@!" snaps Mega-Mart CEO, phoning in from his beach condo in sunny Manamana. "Look, our primary moral and legal responsibility is to our shareholders. Our prices are our own business, but hey, if the government is so desperate to give stuff for free to disaster victims, why don't you just buy stock from us? We'll even give you a bulk discount for goods near their expiry date, and that way everyone wins."

4. "Power to the People! Potatoes for the Proletariat!" chants pro-communalist speaker @@RANDOMNAME@@, whose father is said to own half of @@ANIMAL@@ County. "I ask you, why isn't the government mass-producing and storing long-life foodstuffs, in order to distribute them for free during times of crisis and national emergency?"

Issue by Nation of Quebec
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

The highlighted part looks suspicious, I think there's a name missing.

In option 4, @@ANIMAL@@ only capitalizes the first word when it should capitalize every word.

These have been fixed. Since I already answered the issue, someone else will have to report the new wording on option 3.

I suspect option 2 is invalid for communist nations.

I'm pretty sure that's the entire issue, not just one option.

[The Candy Of Bottles]

[SNIP]

I suspect option 2 is invalid for communist nations.

I'm pretty sure that's the entire issue, not just one option.

Yeah, now that I think about it...

[TalAkMaChen]

3. "If they don't like the free market, they shouldn't be living in @@NAME@@!" snaps Mega-Mart CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@, phoning in from @@HIS@@ beach condo in sunny Manamana. "Look, our primary moral and legal responsibility is to our shareholders. Our prices are our own business, but hey, if the government is so desperate to give stuff for free to disaster victims, why don't you just buy stock from us? We'll even give you a bulk discount for goods near their expiry date, and that way everyone wins."[/box][strike]The highlighted part looks suspicious, I think there's a name missing.

Correct Option 3 now, it's just added the random name macro and his/her as it can be either gender.

[TalAkMaChen]

The missing option 8 of issue 596

“All this nonsense about succession has got me thinking,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, esquire, who is 456,789th in line for the throne. “Do we really need an expensive, reality-deficient monarch to tell us how to run our lives? Seems to me that it would just be cheaper to not have a head of state at alll”

(name at War Dogs VIII was Molly Grossman)

The effect is the same as option 7 (removal of monarchy) but apparently for some stricter oppressive regimes (WD VIII had some oppresion going on).

[Trotterdam]

The effect is the same as option 7 (removal of monarchy) but apparently for some stricter oppressive regimes (WD VIII had some oppresion going on).

According to the editors, it's for constitutional versus absolute monarchies.

[Trotterdam]

#1265 The Silent Majority's Roaring Mouthpiece

The Issue

@@RANDOMNAME_1@@ recently won your party's primary for a crucial seat despite a never-ending slew of controversies. @@HE/SHE_1@@'s brash, impolite, and frequently resorts to schoolyard insults, but @@HIS/HER_1@@ supporters are fervent and unwavering. Your advisers worry that further association with @@HIM/HER_1@@ will cost you votes in the next election.

The Debate

1. "We must immediately replace @@HIM/HER_1@@ with someone competent as soon as possible!" exclaims your campaign strategist after hyperventilating into a paper bag. "This extremist only appeals to the fringes of the party, not real voters. We will pay dearly if we're seen supporting and working with people like @@HIM/HER_1@@. This @@MAN/WOMAN_1@@ is a ticking time bomb of controversies that explodes every hour! Ditch @@HIM/HER_1@@ for the sake of your survival! And for the sake of common decency of course."

2. "All this hooey is exactly why we voted for @@HIM/HER_1@@ in first place!" chastises local pig farmer @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@HIS/HER@@ pants covered in what you hope is mud. "You've lost touch with the common man's problems, @@LEADER@@. @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ gets us. @@HE/SHE@@'s not polished and @@HE/SHE@@'s not fake like a career politician. @@HE/SHE@@ may not be polite, but @@HE/SHE@@ speaks the truth and damn whoever doesn't like it! @@HE/SHE@@'s got the gumption to put you and your corrupt friends in your place!"

3. "The problem is the lack of vetting at the nomination process," suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the party's South @@NAME@@ Riding Association. "The allegations against him didn't come out until after the nomination took place so our hands were tied. We need better screening of potential candidates, extensive background checks, weeding out problematic beliefs, and the ability to swap out candidates if any... undesirable nominees slip through the cracks."

4. "Y'know, @@HIS/HER_1@@ behavior may be radical, but @@HIS/HER_1@@ face certainly isn't," begins Special Agent @@RANDOMNAME@@ while leafing through some photos. "Why, I'd say there was at least — oh I don't know — 37 people who could pass for @@HIM/HER_1@@." @@HE/SHE@@ hands you a stack of dossiers. "Take this fellow for instance. Ardent supporter of you, spitting image of the unfortunate candidate... easily manipulated. With some vocal training and coach to mirror @@HIS/HER_1@@ mannerisms, we can fix this problem with no one being the wiser. We will have to 'take care' of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, but that's really a minor detail."

Issue by Nation of Quebec
Edited by Luna Amore

I'm assuming genders were random (unless "fellow" is considered inherently male, in which case the controversial candidate may have to be). Incidentally, my special agent was named "Ed" but also called "she", which isn't necessarily wrong (there are some female names that start with "Ed" and might be shortened that way), but it's still usually seen as a male name, so I'm wondering if that's intentional.

[Luna Amore]

I'm assuming genders were random (unless "fellow" is considered inherently male, in which case the controversial candidate may have to be). Incidentally, my special agent was named "Ed" but also called "she", which isn't necessarily wrong (there are some female names that start with "Ed" and might be shortened that way), but it's still usually seen as a male name, so I'm wondering if that's intentional.

It was changing depending on the randomname, just had my count off. Fixed.

[TalAkMaChen]

New option text: #390 for autocratic nations (cf. announcement before)):

2. Foreign Minister Hillary Smoochinger sighs before joining in the conversation. "If we colonise Brasilistan then we'll be doing exactly what its last government did that got us into this mess – sweeping attacks on another peoples' sovereignty. I agree that we should send in more troops to clean up things, but then we should help them set up a new, stable, and less aggressive government. Admittedly, this will consume large resources in the short term, but think of the public support we'd attain by establishing a new democracy full of freedoms abroad. And the long term benefits of ensuring it's a government that's friendly and sympathetic to our aims are pretty enticing too."

Foreign Minister Smoochinger sighs before joining in the conversation. “If we colonise Brasilistan then we’ll be doing exactly what its last government did that got us into this mess — sweeping attacks on another people’s sovereignty. I agree that we should send in more troops to clean up things, but — and I know this may be controversial — how about we then help them set up a new, stable, and less aggressive government. Admittedly, this will consume large resources in the short term, but think of the international prestige we’d attain by establishing a new democracy full of freedoms abroad. And the long term benefits of ensuring it’s a government that’s friendly and sympathetic to our aims are pretty enticing too.”

PS: It should be "peoples’ sovereignty" in option 3, too.

[Trotterdam]

#1268 Don't Sweat It

The Issue

Self-proclaimed hippie Judas Caldwell made headlines last week by travelling on a crowded train completely nude, having not showered for many months.

The Debate

1. "We should mandate standards of hygiene and cleanliness in order to ride on mass transit vehicles," complains Cawdor Macbeth, your Minister of Transport, washing his hands at your personal sink. "Think of how many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ were forced to share a carriage with him, or, heaven forbid, had to occupy the sweat-drenched seat he left behind him!"

2. "The smells, the sights, the taste of sweaty air on your tongue," moans commuter Paris Hill, whose wheelchair puts her face at the crotch height of most commuters. "I have nightmares — my doctor says I've got PTSD! Please, @@LEADER@@, just put a limit on how much nudity we allow in society, I just can't take it anymore."

3. "You're like, totally cramping my vibe. There ain't nothing wrong with letting it all hang out!" proclaims Caldwell, waltzing into the room and heaving his naked mass into an antique chair. "I've been re-attuning myself to nature, and running water washes away the positive energies, you know? That's not cool. Maybe you just ought to have more trains, so it doesn't get so cosy."

Issue by SherpDaWerp and Canyamel
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

It appears that at least "Macbeth" isn't random.

And option 2 doesn't give the Prudism policy...?

[Bears Armed Broadcasting Corporation]

#1268 Don't Sweat It

The Issue

Self-proclaimed hippie Judas Caldwell made headlines last week by travelling on a crowded train completely nude, having not showered for many months.

The Debate

1. "We should mandate standards of hygiene and cleanliness in order to ride on mass transit vehicles," complains Cawdor Macbeth, your Minister of Transport, washing his hands at your personal sink. "Think of how many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ were forced to share a carriage with him, or, heaven forbid, had to occupy the sweat-drenched seat he left behind him!"

2. "The smells, the sights, the taste of sweaty air on your tongue," moans commuter Paris Hill, whose wheelchair puts her face at the crotch height of most commuters. "I have nightmares — my doctor says I've got PTSD! Please, @@LEADER@@, just put a limit on how much nudity we allow in society, I just can't take it anymore."

3. "You're like, totally cramping my vibe. There ain't nothing wrong with letting it all hang out!" proclaims Caldwell, waltzing into the room and heaving his naked mass into an antique chair. "I've been re-attuning myself to nature, and running water washes away the positive energies, you know? That's not cool. Maybe you just ought to have more trains, so it doesn't get so cosy."

Issue by SherpDaWerp and Canyamel
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

It appears that at least "Macbeth" isn't random.

And option 2 doesn't give the Prudism policy...?

I've just had this, and for me the names were: Cawdor Macbeth, Boris Lennon, Dodinas.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

And option 2 doesn't give the Prudism policy...?

No, it reduces the right to nudity, but not enough to trigger that policy.

Note that Prudism isn't a coded binary by us editors, but is a pseudo-policy that triggers off a certain threshold.

[Trotterdam]

#1267 Hamming It Up

The Issue

At a recent event you attended, your security detail was suddenly roused to action by a spate of unknown transmissions loudly received on their ear pieces. After quickly ensuring your safety, guards soon traced the source back to an amateur radio club innocently setting up operations in a nearby lot.

The Debate

1. "Aren't ham radios great?" exclaims tweenaged club member Bianca Marconi, gleefully turning dials on some kind of base station. "With one of these, a person can talk to friends across town, or fellow enthusiasts all the way on the other side of @@REGION@@! You should make sure every kid in @@NAME@@ has the opportunity to learn about and use these radios! What better way to spread our nation's message than a free transmitter for every home, and total freedom of the airwaves?"

2. "I'm delighted to see so much interest in this technology!" remarks your Minister for Bureaucratizing Everything, writing down their remarks to file away later. "We should dedicate a certain segment of the nation's frequency spectrum for such enthusiasts! We just need some regulations to avoid conflicts like what occurred today… I know! Certifications! If an interested @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ can pass a government-mandated training program, we let them loose. I'll get to work on the requirements at once."

3. ???

4. "Frankly, @@LEADER@@, what happened just proves that the general public can't be trusted with their own transmissions," growls your lead bodyguard, looking up from a carefully-filled bracket. "We need to keep the radio waves clear for security personnel, emergency dispatchers, and legitimate professional broadcasters for important things like the 'Cards Against Nationstates World Championship'! If somebody has something to say, let them find work as a professional."

5. "I've seen technology in other countries similar to a really upgraded version of the radio!" offers aspiring tech entrepreneur Gabriel Mulcair, who was fiddling with some electronics nearby. "Citizens can plug into devices called 'modems' so they don't occupy the airwaves. They also have keyboards for entering text-based information, monitors to see what they're working on, and even programs that can run productivity software or play games! Allow this technology, and you'll never have to worry about radio interference again!"

Issue by Verdant Haven
Edited by Altmer Dominion

The draft thread suggests that there might be a variant of the last option for nations that have banned the internet but not computers, but that's probably not option 3 due to the numbering, so I don't know what that is. It also suggests that the first speaker is named "@@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Marconi".

[Vionre Tallica]

#1266: Pink Is the New Orange (The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland, ed: Candlewhisper Archive)

The Issue
It’s been identified that among male prisoners, the prevalence of transgenderism is four times that of the general population.

The Debate
1. “The immediate problem here is the rights of trans prisoners,” asserts Alex @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, a transgender activist, who currently identifies as ‘don’t know, don’t care’. “It simply isn’t safe for transfemme prisoners to mix with the general male population. When deciding whether to send someone to a male or female correctional institution, we should ensure that all assignments are made according to identified, not assigned, gender.”

2. “Look, transferring inmates that look like men into female prisons is asking for trouble,” states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister for Solutions, as you hand @@HIM@@ today’s crossword puzzle and give up trying to complete it before @@HE@@ does. “They might be pretending, they might not. However, you have to keep men and women in different prisons. This isn’t about gender identity, this is about preventing pregnancy in prison and managing violence risk. We should build separate wings for these prisoners to ensure everyone’s safety.”

3. “No, these are just jailbirds pretending to be trans to try to make their time cushier,” declares Head Warden @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ flicks your light switch on and off several times. “They’re looking to receive special perks, such as separate cells and showering alone. We ought to take ‘gender-identity’ off our databases, and only record ‘biological sex’. That’s the only metric that matters in running efficient and safe prisons.”

4. “Four times is probably an underestimate, as many transgender people may be afraid to reveal themselves,” expresses @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Equality, as @@HE@@ places the chairs in your office equidistant from each other, perhaps taking @@HIS@@ duties too literally. “It’s not hard to suppose that we as a society are suffering from institutionalised transphobia, resulting in trans people being marginalised or over-convicted. We need society-wide education programs, to banish this bigotry. Then, maybe, we’ll not see so many transgender people behind bars.”

Options are 0, 1, 2, 3. Names are probably random but, aside from Barry, none are in the list on the first post.

Edit: Oops, nevermind. Found the draft thread and corrected things accordingly. 2nd and 3rd options used male names, 4th option used female name. The effect of the 4th option is also changed to "transgender and agender are on the education agenda".

[Trotterdam]

2nd and 3rd options used male names, 4th option used female name.

I can confirm that option 2's gender is random. I have to wonder about option 3 - I'd think if you're going through the trouble of having gender-segregated prisons, you'd want the wardens to also be the same gender as the inmates.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

2nd and 3rd options used male names, 4th option used female name.

I can confirm that option 2's gender is random. I have to wonder about option 3 - I'd think if you're going through the trouble of having gender-segregated prisons, you'd want the wardens to also be the same gender as the inmates.

Huh, didn't even know that was a thing, matching warden gender to inmate gender. Makes sense though. I'll amend option 3.

[TalAkMaChen]

Monarchy-only option: #1223, option 4

4. “Listen to all you idiots!” shouts ardent republican activist Judi Gray. “What century are you all living in? We shouldn’t be spending any public money on these damn parasites! One inbred family should not be able to live a life of privilege and luxury at the expense of everyone else. I say we abolish the monarchy and spend the money we would have spent on them on services instead. Vive la République!”

cf. option 5:

5. "Listen to all you idiots!" shouts ardent republican activist Mary Shewhart. "What century are you all living in? We shouldn't be spending any public money on these damn parasites! One inbred family should not be able to live a life of privilege and luxury at the expense of everyone else. I say we abolish the monarchy and spend the money we would have spent on them on services instead. Vive la République!"

(The French part has been changed after Trotterdam reported it, here I put the amended text.)

Alas, I cannot find any difference in the wording, the names appear fully random, so what is the difference of options 4 and 5 then? I found option 4 at War Dogs XXII, which has the Monarchy policy. Or is it similar to the constitutional vs. absolute monarchy trigger of issue 596? Yet with a fully identical wording splitting up makes no sense, else we could have identical options for dozens of active/inactive policies

[TalAkMaChen]

Addition to issue 1267:
Option 3 for ? policy

3. “Frankly, @@LEADER@@, what happened just proves that the general public can’t be trusted with their own transmissions,” growls your lead bodyguard, looking up from a carefully-filled box score. “We need to keep the radio waves clear for security personnel, emergency dispatchers, and legitimate professional broadcasters for important things like the @@ANIMAL@@ball World Championship! If somebody has something to say, let them find work as a professional.”

and Option 6 (NEW NEW NEW ), for No-Internet but without No-Computer policy:

6. “I’ve seen computers in other countries that offer even better services than the radio!” offers aspiring tech entrepreneur Jazz Thomas, who was fiddling with some electronics nearby. “Citizens plug their systems into devices called ‘modems’ to communicate with each other, allowing them to send electronic mail back and forth in the blink of an eye. Individuals can even create ‘pages’ containing useful information on them, which are able to be accessed at any time! Allow this technology, and you’ll never have to worry about radio interference again!”

Both together at War Dogs XIX

[Trotterdam]

Addition to issue 1267:
Option 3 for ? policy

Aha! No Sports. Or perhaps @@ANIMAL@@ball specifically being banned - there's a separate issue for that, but I'm not sure if it's tracked.

I'm still annoyed at @@ANIMAL@@ball now getting used as a "whenever we need a generic sport name" standin when it was originally introduced as a rare and particularly controversial sport.

[TalAkMaChen]

Addition to issue 1267:
Option 3 for ? policy

Aha! No Sports. Or perhaps @@ANIMAL@@ball specifically being banned - there's a separate issue for that, but I'm not sure if it's tracked.

I'm still annoyed at @@ANIMAL@@ball now getting used as a "whenever we need a generic sport name" standin when it was originally introduced as a rare and particularly controversial sport.

No. War Dogs XIX does not have the "No sports" policy. Maybe it was indeed the banned specific "@@ANIMAL@@ball", I don't recall when last answering that on there, but the system does track these things. I'd just find it odd to use that specific sport to be used as a check for that option in another issue.

[Trotterdam]

#341: Where in the Woods is Cindy SanFrancisco? [Ignorent Peeple; ed:Luna Amore]

*3. "Search teams are just too inefficient," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Eye See You Surveillance. "Thousands of citizens searching high and low with no promise of success. Now what we need to do is implant GPS tracking devices into all citizens. Think about it! No more lost kids, no more fugitives, no more alibis. No need to ask where you were on the night of February 7th. We already know." [Must have private industry]

*4. "Search teams are just too inefficient," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, Director of the Committee of State Security. "Thousands of citizens searching high and low with no promise of success. Now what we need to do is implant GPS tracking devices into all citizens. Think about it! No more lost kids, no more fugitives, no more alibis. No need to ask where you were on the night of February 7th. We already know." [Must not have private industry]

In addition to these requirements, a nation with No Computers or No Internet will get neither version. (I just saw this on my puppet and also confirmed it with my database.)

No. War Dogs XIX does not have the "No sports" policy.

Right, you got the version for nations that don't have No Sports. The version I posted is the one for nations that do have No Sports (or maybe no @@ANIMAL@@ball specifically). If physical sports are banned, they'll play a card game instead.

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,262
CITY FINAL
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 28, 2019

Dead Tasty
The Issue

Every year, several deaths are reported in the country due to the eating of the highly poisonous, yet savoured, pufferfish.
The Debate

name="choice-0" “It’s straight up suicide!” proclaims Samuel Yossef, while puffing his cheeks out in exasperation. “This deadly dish claimed the life of one of my close friends, and kills diners every month! This culinary death-trap must be banned!”

name="choice-1" “Eating this fish has been our tradition, passed down by our... grandfathers maybe...” says renowned chef Alejandro Kuraoka, as he puts a pufferfish on your desk to demonstrate how easily prepared it is. “It all depends on how skilled you are. See: poison... poison... poison... tasty fish! All you need to do is to make sure all chefs go on training courses and are licensed to serve this sensory experience.”

name="choice-2" “What’s all this commotion about? A few deaths caused by a petty fish?” questions restaurateur Nobuyoshi Malik, who has just returned from a culinary trip to Dàguó. “There are so many scrumptious dishes out there, but most Techolanders are just too jittery to give them a go. There’s live octopus, blood clams and ackee: let’s put Techolandian restaurants on everyone’s ‘must experience before you die’ list!”

Issue by The People's Republic of Ostanasia

Edited by Baggieland

[Bears Armed]

NO. 1'269

All That Glitters

The Issue
When a celebrity power couple like pro-footballer Hercules Octavian and fashion model and former pop starlet Alexandra Vangelis marries, there’s bound to be some glitz and glamour. In fact, thanks to Alexandra’s obsession with being a “fairytale princess” the beachside wedding also involved many tonnes of glitter, which is now drifting across the nearby lagoon, raising an important question — what about the mess?

The Debate
1. “Oh right, yah, the mess,” notes the newlywed footballer, brushing pink and silver shimmering flakes off his lapel. “Yah, you should probably clean that up. We pay enough taxes already, so go do your job now. Here, go buy yourself something nice afterwards, yah?” He tosses his platinum credit card at you dismissively.

2. “You can’t just buy your way out of an ecological disaster,” complains dour-faced environmentalist Dirk Colbert, whose scowling expression whilst photo-bombing has already ruined most of the wedding photos. “Microplastic fragments like this are detrimental to ocean life and can work their way up the food chain as well, causing damage to larger organisms. These irresponsible airhead celebrities should be prosecuted under the full weight of environmental law, and glitter must be banned!”

3. “C’mon mate, there’s no need to suck all the colour out of the world,” argues eucalyptus-grower Kayla Keating, tossing a handful of pink-and-gold flakes in your hair. “There’s such a thing as biodegradable glitter you know. You don’t even have to restrict the plastic stuff, you just need to give some shiny subsidies to the makers of cellulose-based glitter, enough so that they can keep their shelf prices competitive.”

4. “Awww but the glitter is LUVVERLY,” coos the blushing bride, her ultra-thin arms flapping as they catch a weak breeze. “We should make all the beaches and streets look all pretty and glittery, innit? It’d be so nice, and everyone would be smiling all the time because... because... AWWW I LOVE GLITTER, ME!”

Issue by The AI See You of Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,248
CITY FINAL
MONDAY SEPTEMBER 30, 2019

A Day to Remember
The Issue

Last week, your aides scheduled a meeting between you and a renowned former stateswoman of Techolandia. Unfortunately, due to her long-standing battle with Alzheimer’s disease, the meeting left something to be desired, bringing the once-forgotten issue of dementia treatment in Techolandia back into the spotlight.
The Debate

Dorothy Cohen, the stateswoman with whom you met, expresses her concerns to a nearby aide, whom she appears to have mistaken as being in charge. “Once upon a time, I would have been running this Representative Democracy, but now I’m... I’m... What was I saying? Oh yes… Some folk like me might need day centres, and help round the house. I’m fine, but what I wouldn’t mind is more attractive nurses like that cutie over there.” She winks in your direction.
name="choice-0"

As she leaves, the aide she was talking to rolls her eyes. “Surely it can’t fall to Techolandia to give people like Cohen handouts. If these old farts haven’t planned for inevitable cognitive decline, that’s their fault. Cut all aged care funding, and if people can’t manage — well then, I guess it’s just too bad.”
name="choice-1"

“Hang on, hang on. Whatever happened to having a caring family?” interjects your aunt, who is herself advancing in years. “When I was young, we used to care for our parents through thick and thin! This country needs more reinforcement of the traditional family values, which means the young loving and caring for their elders. We should make the elderly legal dependants on their children, to make them pay their parents back for raising them.”
name="choice-2"

“Y’know, there’s another solution to this problem,” whispers your ever-present Minister for Creative Solutions, sharpening a straight razor on a whetstone. “These people aren’t contributing to our economy, so why don’t we make a few government cuts, if you know what I mean.” She waves the blade menacingly.
name="choice-3"

Issue by The Nationstates Nation of SherpDaWerp

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Trotterdam]

#1270 I'll Be Watching You

The Issue

During a recent TV documentary, retired police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@ revealed that @@HE/SHE@@ had arrested your Minister of Law and Order, Moe Quagmire, for voyeurism as a teenager. You have since faced calls to not only fire Mr. Quagmire, but also to implement an exhaustive and accessible sex offenders registry.

The Debate

1. "A sex offenders registry is an absolute must," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Public Safety Minister, while giving Mr. Quagmire the evil eye. "It's a necessary tool to keep the public safe and aware of all the creeps that are out there. If we give a little more funding to our boys and girls in blue, we'll have it up in no time. Wouldn't it be great to see which of your neighbors is a pervert?"

2. "My whole life is ruined because of a dumb mistake thirty years ago!" wails Mr. Quagmire, as he glances up to check that you have noticed his tear. "We all make mistakes. It's not like I hurt anyone! People shouldn't be punished for a moment of teenage stupidity — what about my right to privacy? All misdemeanor crimes of ten years ago or more should be scrubbed from the records."

3. "As though anyone can't tell he's dangerous by those shifty eyes!" insinuates Police Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@, who likes to call police brutality 'enthusiastic questioning'. "Creating a sex offenders registry would be awfully time-consuming and tie up officers who should be out on the streets arresting those jaywalking scumbags. We should bring back good old-fashioned public shaming by branding the sex offenders. It'll make my job so much easier and bring in a new golden age of law and order!"

Issue by Nation of Quebec
Edited by Baggieland

Moe Quagmire is nonrandom.

[Techolandia]

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The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,242
CITY FINAL
WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 2, 2019

Jump Leads
The Issue

Free-runners and urban-climbers have taken to the internet to post photos of themselves performing gymnastic feats in ridiculously dangerous places, such as atop the highest spire of Cyborg Dog Castle, or on skyscraper radio aerials hundreds of metres off the ground. Last week — while carrying out a rooftop backflip that he would have described as routine — one of them lost his footing and fell to his death.
The Debate

“Kids are foolish and impressionable, and they’ll do anything to get famous,” lectures Community Rehabilitation Officer Olivia Winters. “Give them warnings, and they just nod their heads, then come back the next evening. The only approach that will work here is extended therapy. Clearly, these look-at-me tendencies stem from being denied their mother’s breasts during weaning, leaving deep psychological scars. We must fix these poor broken children!”
<button type="submit" name="choice-1" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>

“Anyone stupid enough to risk their life in this way is not going to be hard to outwit,” suggests smug chemical engineer William Dredd. “I’ve recently made considerable advances in the fields of hyperallergenic anti-climb paints, near-frictionless surface coatings, and anti-trespasser automated tasers. Give me a budget, and I’ll make your cities unclimbable.”
<button type="submit" name="choice-2" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>

“Hey, this is MY life, and MY choice!” says a voice from above you. You look up to see a teenager hanging upside-down from your chandelier. “You want to do something for urban climbers? Well, it’s hard to concentrate on climbing while having to look over your shoulder for security guards. Make the outside of any building a public byway, and it’ll be safer all round.”
<button type="submit" name="choice-3" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>

“So these kids do this because they want to be famous on the internet, right?” observes the inevitable technophobic nutter that always seems to turn up to these debates. “If you ban the internet, then no more problems, right?”
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Issue by The AI See You of Candlewhisper Archive

Edited by Baggieland