Young Baristas [A Philosophical Comedy RP | IC | Adult]

[The Verdantderm Lands]

Kōhīyama Ahmya was impressed with Tokyo. It was HUGE!

Armed with an umbrella, the rain didn't bother her.

Sadly, being a store worker in Tokyo was likely the closest she would really get to the University. Working was honorable, and it would help to be able to pay her bills. She was currently staying at a young womans' hostel, but that arrangement disturbed her inner calm. She needed a quiet room of her own.

Everywhere Ahmya went she saw the encroachment of corporations. The Japanese corps were institutions that had been modelled on American corps and then brought Japanese sensibilities into their workplaces. But some of the Americans wouldn't leave Japan alone. Now, an American Corp had set it's sites on the Land of the Rising Sun..., Starbucks.

Ahmya shook her head. She was an artist and overqualified to work for the Americans. Not a good fit.

Not far away from one of the American franchises, Ahmya saw a "Help Wanted" sign in the window of a store called, "The Coffee Shop". Maybe this was the place for her? She decided to go in and find out..., and maybe submit her application.

[Talchyon]

Coffee Shop
Chin Tu Fat

The overweight employee with the green apron and hat was lounging in the back room, flipping channels on the small tv in the breakroom. He had been there for some time. Probably more than his fifteen minutes of mandated break time allowed, but Chin Tu Fat wasn't going to get too bothered by it. Yesterday, his break extended out to around half an hour. Today hadn't gotten to yesterday's high. But Chin could hold out some more, flipping channels and doing what he could to avoid having to go back to working.

His all-time personal best at stretching out his break was around an hour and 12 minutes so far. That was the day his boss, Bu, had gotten distracted with the delivery truck that had broken down two blocks away from the shop. Chin had hidden out of sight - as out of sight as an overweight slobby guy can hide - and Bu ended up getting the rest of the crew to haul boxes of syrups, beans, disposable cups and heat guards from the two blocks away back to the shop. And gloriously, Chin stayed out of sight and out of mind. Sometimes he wondered how that happened. But during that time, Chin used it wisely. He got to watch one of the rare Japanese soap operas that was always on when he was supposed to be working. He turned down the volume and made up the words the actors were supposedly saying in the meantime. The dialogue went something like this:

Shogun: "You do not know?"
Geisha: "How can I not know?"
Shogun: "I know what you know. But you can't know that I know what you know, you know?"
Geisha: "I will now cry."

And that break lasted a glorious whole hour and 12 minutes! Chin knew one day he would try to beat that record. And why not begin trying today? One could never break a record unless one tried.

If it did so happen that his boss, Bu, came in and yelled at him? Chin had the perfect defense ready. "I was on break." Which, technically is true. He was on break - quite a while ago, perhaps, and definitely past the 15 minute mark he was given. As everyone knows, "was" is past tense and Chin wouldn't be lying if he said that.

Looking out at the break room, Chin spied a green apple, grabbed it and took a bite.

[Castelia]

The world of humanity is a place full of wonders, both natural and technological. Everywhere one looks, there is always a concept that can impress, though what stimulates one's appetite for beauty can vary from person to person. Indeed, it can be said that Earth is a truly beautiful place, with many sights to be seen and marvels to be beheld. While some places displayed the beauty of nature, others displayed their charms through their man-made constructs. The city of Tokyo firmly belonged to the second category. It was a marvelous place, a sight that can take away once's breath no matter wherever one looks. It might even be said that Tokyo is humanity's best ever technological creation, as it exemplifies everything that humanity strives to achieve with science.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the story, however.

At one quiet corner of Tokyo stands quite the quaint shop, an establishment that promotes the consumption of the beverage known as caffeine. Indeed, the place could be seen as quite aesthetically pleasing, with its easy going music and its quiet interior appealing to the quiet bookworm's longing for a sense of peace. A shop such as this one, a coffeehouse, can serve as both a place of engagement and a place of solitude, though it depends on one's preferences.

Kappa stood outside the shop, feeling the rain pour around as Kappa stared at its interior. What Kappa was doing in front of the shop, no one can really know, for even Kappa did not know. Kappa was in possession of an item called a resume, which Kappa knew to be a instrument needed to find employment. Of course, why Kappa even needed employment is a mystery, but it had been decided that Kappa should try it anyway.

As Kappa prepared to enter the coffee shop, appropriately named "Coffee Shop", however, a young woman entered first. Instinctively, Kappa knew that a rival for employment had arrived. In this day's economy, finding a good job was already hard enough, and now Kappa had to contend with someone else.

It was do or die.

Kappa rushed as fast as possible, aiming to beat the woman inside so the opportunity for an interview could be secured. Of course, beating up someone is hardly impressive for any prospective employer, so Kappa did the next best thing. As soon as Kappa managed to enter, Kappa rushed towards the interior, aiming towards what appeared to be a fat slob, to whom Kappa intended to submit his resume.

But suddenly, a feeling of dread possessed Kappa. It was as if a sentient being was being murdered in front of Kappa, and the cold chills being felt was almost like a cry for help. So Kappa did what any hero would do.

Kappa slapped the fat slob. Sweat flew everywhere, drenching the immediate area with the smell of fat bastard. The apple flew out of the slob's hand and landed out of sight. The sense of dread immediately lightened up, meaning that Kappa had done the right thing.

Holding out the resume in front of the fat slob, Kappa pointed at it while pulling out a sign out of nowhere that stated "I want a job."

And that's it.

[Talchyon]

Coffee Shop
Chin Tu Fat

The apple was tart. Chin was hoping it would be sweet. A sweet green apple would have been better. But no. Standard issue green apple here. Nothing but tart. Pucker factor was way up, but pleasing factor was way down. And yet, as Chin chomped down on the fruit, he had a curious sense about it, as if an individual life was screaming out in existential agony. Chin knew what it was immediately. That was the exact same feeling he got when he had eaten wasabi-soaked shrimp. Just a little gas and heartburn mixed together. Belching, he immediately felt better. And what do you know? The existential agony went away.

But it was soon to be replaced by another, more non-philosophical type of agony. That being, the physical kind. Caused by a green mascot of the kappa kind. Chin was just about to say his readied excuse, "I was just on break," when he got slapped right across the cheek. It was the kind that would leave a mark, in this case, a furry paw print with no fingers. He looked up from the show he had been making up the words to, 2/7 embarrassed and at least 1/7 really confused. 3/7 in pain. And the other parts wishing he didn't have to stop watching his show. Meanwhile, the apple had flown out of his hand, into some corner hiding spot, far removed from mortal ken.

Stunned, Chin managed to get out the first word(s) he could think of. "Hey," he said. (That was it. No major discourse on Socratic caves just yet.)

Chin was trying to figure out the kappa mascot's motive. As far as he could discern from the suddenness of the attack, the costumed kappa was either A) psychotic; B) mixed up with the mafia and trying to collect what was owed, while at the same time having a bad case of mistaken identity, or C) one of the latest anti-vegetarian militants who had risen up in Tokyo demanding the immediate end of the horrific slaughter of innocent, poor fruits and vegetables (who coincidentally, also made decent Coffee Shop customers who regularly came by).

The kappa held out papers to Chin, and then pulled out a sign. Chin looked at the papers first, not understanding. Then he looked up at the sign. Then he looked down at the papers again. Finally, it dawned on him that the kappa wanted to work there, at the coffee shop, and wasn't just announcing the fact that he was seeking gainful employment somewhere. And at the moment, Chin knew exactly the kind of person he was dealing with.

"Yep. Definitely psychotic, if he wants to work here." Chin didn't realize that he had said that part out loud, instead thinking it would gloss over to some random thought sequence. But what he did say while realizing he was saying it was, "Ok. You're hired. But now you know something. I have seniority over you because I've worked here longer. So if one of us is told to clean out the dumpster out back or to make a triple jumbo caffeine-free espresso con leche with sugar-free vanilla bean syrup and cocoa muffin-strawberry sauce on the blueberry scones on the side, it's not gonna be me. (Oh yeah, and company rules say you're not supposed to hit other employees.) Other than that, welcome to work. My name's Chin."

[The Verdantderm Lands]

Kōhīyama Ahmya, The Coffee Shop

It was rude of the kappa-costumed person to push itself forward and present it's resume' to the fat employee behind the counter. Ahmya gave the slightest serene smile. Was it possible that the costumed person knew kappa-kara-te? Ahmya doubted it but life was too short not to be amused by silly things that happen.

Then the mascot slapped the overweight employee, sending a green apple flying. Quicker than the human eye could follow Ahmya snatched the flying fruit from the air and returned to the spot where she had been standing. Pocketing the green apple, she walked up to the senior employee and politely greeted him. She gave him a calmly pleasant smile and bowed exactly appropriate to what she imagined his social station to be. Then Ahmya said, "I would like to speak with the shop owner."

Maybe she imagined it, but Ahmya thought the young man seemed rankled that he was having someone go 'over his head' and having him be their 'messenger boy'. But there was something likable about him. She read his name badge, 'Chin'. Ahmya produced the apple from her pocket and handed it over to Chin. Then she said, "I think that this belongs to you", and bowed to him again.

[Confederation of the Equator]

Akira Smith, The Coffee Shop

From the girl's perspective, the world moved too slowly. It was almost like everyone found themselves in slow motion, while Akira was the only one who moved at an acceptable pace, the only one who could focus on anything other than mundanity. Yet, despite how her surroundings always seemed to move at a snail's pace, it was almost like it sped up in order to avoid her presence every time she tried interacting with anything, or anyone for that matter. It felt like an unsolvable mystery that she'd grown accostumed to living with.

From the viewpoint of anyone else, she was just a hyperactive girl with pupils the size of peas, dark circles, messy hair, and ragged clothes. It was hard for someone who took better care of themselves not to momentarily shift their look to this individual that seemed... paranoid, even, looking around all the time with a mixed look of fright and confusion.

Unlike other days, Akira wasn't roaming around without any direction. No, that time it was different, as she had taken a look at the place before, but had turned away and waited for a better day to enter it in what was a complete destruction of her impulsive character. She could afford to wait, and it's something that even her despised parents would enjoy. Not that it mattered anymore, as her mom had chosen for financial stability over her own daughter.

The possibility of getting a job at The Coffee Shop would be a real change from the 'useless, wandering corpse living in the Moon World' that her parents had once called her. For better or worse, her obsession for caffeine made her an involuntary connoisseur of the stuff, and for one of the first times in her life her confidence at achieving something wasn't merely the result of chemicals in her brain. The usual look of paranoia she sported was mixed with a smug, confident look for a brief moment as Akira took a deep breath, stepping into The Coffee Shop, with a extraordinarily humble resumé at hand. She knew it wouldn't suffice, and was aware that she would have to show that slow, methodical, and mundane world that always conspired against her her skills in practice.

"Hello... I would like to speak to the owner." Akira said, briefly glancing at the "Help Wanted" sign on the window, doing her best but ultimately failing to conceal her look of constant paranoia.

[Danceria]

Carlos “Rau” de Lucumí
The Coffee Shoppe

---

It was a rainy day in Tokyo, but the city had its charm even in such dismal weather. True, he had been raised in the outskirts of Miami, and fondly remembered the rural third world countrysides of the Carribean, he was far from a city boy. Yet Tokyo still had it’s secrets and charms. True, it fell to Global, or Westernization depending on who you asked, but it maintained much of its unique identity. True, he had only been stationed in Camp Gonsalves, and Tokyo beat to a different rhythm entirely. But it wasn’t an unpleasant rhythm.

Beneath the umbrella, a cocoa coloured man would closely carry his messenger bag, and open the door for whoever decided to rush in to take shelter from the rain. While he was hoping to look at his law homework at home, this place should still have suitable Wi-Fi after his interview.

After several interviews, if the colorful cast of characters clutching some sheets of paper had anything to tell. But good thing comes to he who waits, and he was fine with rescheduling his interview. The young man decided to take a seat and patiently wait until it would be convenient to conduct his interview.

[Talchyon]

Coffee Shop
Chin Tu Fat

It was in the kappa's nature not to answer. Ontologically, he was a kappa. A mascot. Of course, that also meant that communication by words were not his strong suit. But Chin was going to wait for him to answer regardless, and therefore ignored pretty much everybody else who came in looking for a job.

However, one thing did get his attention. His boss had just finished using the restroom. And now, apparently, he wanted to go on a mass hiring spree and recruit a whole plethora of not-exactly Kafka-esque potential employees.

(Image)

Taking the biggest and most deepest shit in his life had been a fucking challenge. Taking a shit was a journey comparable to Odysseus's journey back home from Troy for Bu. His dedication to fitness and the martial arts meant his consumption of minerals and nutrients were off the charts. And consequently, his shits were too.

OOOOOOOOOH!

His face the exact same as when NS mods are forced to remove troll posts from the same trolls in the same thread again and again, Bu finally felt catharsis which was followed by a tremendous splash of water. Yes, taking a shit was a journey. A fulfilling journey...

Walking out and bringing back a warning sign to stick onto the male bathroom's door, Bu returned to the main interior of his cafe only to be beholden with the sight of multiple retards.

First retard was his employee, Chin Tu Fat. Holy fuck, not a day went by when Bu wished that he could one punch that guy's obesity away. He remembered sneaking protein bars into Chin's jacket and bag the first few weeks into their contract as employer and employee in hopes that Buddha would cut this man's belly down. Alas, Bu eventually realized with great sadness, that Buddha was also quite plump.

And the rest were just retarded in general because they were in a comedy rp in P2TM and Bu inherently knew such characters were bound to give him cancer. In fact, Bu knew that his Thoughtdeath 2019 incarnation had contracted AIDS from the other characters already. He chuckled, knowing he wouldn't get AIDS in this RP because Eq was playing a crackhead who'd probably kill everybody at the end of this RP.

Recognizing the need to put on music befitting the roleplay, Bu chose this song.

His phone ready to call suicide watch if need be, a knife in his pocket just in case a dark-skinned Briton entered his shop, Bu waved at the newcomers.

'Hey guys UwU! What brings ya'll here today?'

Naturally, being the 5head he was, Bu figured it out within 3x10 to the power of 8 ms, 'Ah, you guys are looking for jobs, I presume?'

A smug look on his face, chest puffed out in a sign of primitive dominance (Bu was a being dominant on land, sea, air, and bed), he sat himself down on an empty table and rested his feet atop it.

'How convenient that everyone is here then! We can do a GROUP INTERVIEW. Come, come, gather around Papa Bu.' Slamming a hand on the table, Bu said, 'Put your shitty pieces of dead tree that you call resumes on the table. Now, one after another, tell me why you want to work here for this great and prestigious establishment and WHY I should pick you over the others also wanting the same position.'

Chin walked up to Bu, and said, "Uh, yeah boss. Ok, so, first, I was on break." (Good, he thought. Need to establish that fact first and foremost in his mind. Technically it was true, since he was on a long, extended break that if you wanted to be technical, had gone past the allotted 15 minutes by about half an hour after that. But Chin didn't need to say that just yet. Or ever. He was on break...) Chin resumed, "Yeah, anyway, this guy over here came in and wanted a job, too, so since you were in the bathroom and couldn't be reached, I told him he was hired. Hope that's ok. And hey, if you don't mind, I can help you conduct the interviews..."

[The Verdantderm Lands]

Kōhīyama Ahmya, The Coffee Shop

Ahmya looked left and then right, at the other applicants, and then stepped forward. She bowed respectfully to the owner.

Reaching into her bag, Ahmya produced three 5cm thick boards, about 30cm by 30cm. She handed one board each to three of the other applicants and positioned them to hold those boards at different heights. Ahmya then poured a cup of coffee americana into a porcelain cup and placed the cup onto a saucer. She then walked around the other applicants so that they were between her and the shop owner....

In a flurry of motion, almost too quick for the eye to follow, Ahmya danced between the other applicants and broke the first two boards, one with a side kick and the second with a punch. Then she leap high, breaking the last board with a flying spinning back kick. Ahmya flipped in a somersault and landing in a kneeling position in front of the shop owner. She stood and handed the cup of coffee americana to the shop owner and favored him with a serene smile, without having spilled a drop of the hot beverage.

Ahmya then gave a respectful bow and returned to the group of applicants.

[Castelia]

Existential crisis.

It is often said that everything that comes into this world has a purpose. Every life is precious, for it is because of them that the world is as beautiful as it is today. Everything has meaning, and even the smallest of decisions can change everything. But not all believe so. Sometimes, one can lose track of their goals in life, leading them to contemplate on whether or not their existence even has meaning. It is a sad state of affairs, but one that is unfortunately common in today's society.

Yes, it has everything to do with this story.

Kappa Chino's entire existence revolves around seeking employment. In fact, when Kappa first appeared on the store front of Coffee Shop, the entire purpose of Kappa's existence was simply to seek employment. There was the end goal, and there were no further objectives.

The idea to work never occurred in Kappa's mind, because in the first place Kappa's purpose was simply to seek employment. Working was never a goal. It wasn't Kappa's purpose to work.

Now that Kappa achieved the purpose of existence, what was then left for Kappa to do?

Nothing.

And, as such, there it is. An existential crisis.

It occurred to Kappa that the entire problem lay in the fact that Kappa was employed in the first place. After all, how can one seek employment when one is already employed in the first place? Kappa had to remove the problem that stood in the way. And thankfully, such a solution was easy to find.

The first thing that popped into Kappa's mind was simply to lose the current status of employment. Kappa could then fulfill the purpose of existence again, which was to seek employment.

But then again, there was a limit to this plan. If Kappa simply kept seeking employment, one day the chance would disappear. So an alternate solution was planned. There had to be a permanent vacancy, and this shall be fulfilled by removing an employee. First, Kappa considered killing Bu. But Bu was the boss. Like, really the boss, but he was also THE boss, you know? Anyway, Kappa can't kill Bu, so Kappa settled on the next employee. The fat man had to go.

But how to go about this? Kappa knew it wasn't easy to off a fat man. They just kept coming back, like the goddamned NTR fat fu**ers who kept stealing all the good women away on doujins. STOP DRAWING UGLY FAT BASTARDS, DAMN IT!

But it then came upon to Kappa. A golden solution (and one that really should have been the first to enter Kappa's mind but didn't, because otherwise how would we all know that Kappa was actually a psycho?): Find a new purpose for existence! Yes, that's it. But what?

Simple! Simply be the best employee one can be at the Coffee Shop! But how?

Well, kill all of the other employee that's how!

And so, deep in the recesses of Kappa's mind, a plan began to brew...

[Alchimia]

First thing this morning...

Otobai Kado's eyes slowly opened as the sun streamed over them, urging him from his sleep. Otobai sighed, looking out the window at the building across the street. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he realized that he wasn't staring at his wallpaper, nor was the comforter he was under his. After a few seconds, an arm draped over him. His eyes went wide as he recalled what had happened the night before. Otobai slowly slipped out from under the arm and out of the bed, looking back at the girl he had spent the night with. She was a blonde girl, probably American. From the looks of the room they were in a fairly nice hotel. He quietly began putting his clothes on before slipping out the door.

Slowly Otto left the hotel, doing what he could to figure out where he was. His phone was dead, so that was out of the question. After a few minutes, he saw the familiar glint of his motorcycle in the hotel parking garage! He ran over and hopped on, smiling as he slipped the helmet on. Otobai revved the engine, his smile turning into his signature smirk as he took off, riding through the streets of Tokyo. After a little while, he made his way to his apartment. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, that looked remarkably like the ones he had worn the day before, Otobai hopped back onto his motorcycle and drove to work.

Now...

Otobai smirked as he walked into the Coffee Shop, neglecting his green apron as usual.

"Hey guys," he said, clocking in.

[Reploid Productions]

Given that 1) This appears to be a none-too-subtle rip on somebody else's RP that the OP has a known history of drama and pot-stirring toward and 2) "Young Baristas [A Philosophical Comedy RP | IC | Adult]"... that's a big pile of nope.


~Evil Forum Empress Rep Prod the Ninja Mod
~She who wields the Banhammer; master of the mighty moderation no-dachi Kiritateru Teikoku