[SUBMITTED] The Corpse Collector

[Baggieland]

Enjoy!

[TITLE] The Corpse Collector

[DESCRIPTION] The stench of rotting flesh permeates all around, where those who were infected with the Maxtopian Pox, a disease that starts with decaying flesh, then skin shrivels up, and finally, muscles fall cleanly off the bone, were left to perish. Those who were infected would live and die as a rotting corpse. And anyone who refused a vaccination would be dragged to the wilderness to die there, waiting for their time to rot.

[VALIDITY] link to option 2 from No. 1013

[OPTION] "That place is full of the infected," declares General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your Chief of Staff, his face set in a scowl as @@HE@@ fiddles with a box of matches. "We need to napalm that whole area, it's the only way to ensure that any and all diseases contained in that region are eradicated for good."

[EFFECT] wildfires are no longer an act of nature

[OPTION] "We've already destroyed these people's lives, do we need to finish off nature as well?" questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Health Minister, as @@HE@@ nervously checks @@HIS@@ temperature. "The bodies, over time, will decompose and the Maxtopian Pox, without a host body will die off too. The government only needs to set up military check points all along the outskirts, so that no-one stumbles into the wilderness by accident."

[EFFECT] the @@ADJECTIVE@@ wilderness is spookily quiet

[OPTION] "I'll get rid of those bodies for you, but only for a sizeable fee," says a man in a shivery voice, wearing a threadbare robe, the hood obscuring his face. He clears his throat. "You can call me... The Corpse Collector. Don't ask me what I'll do with them, it's better to spare you the unpleasant details, but let's just say, I have a use for them."

[EFFECT] funeral parlours have a 'don't ask -- don't tell' policy

[TITLE] The Corpse Collector

[DESCRIPTION] Anyone who refused a vaccination was dragged to the wilderness to die there -- waiting for their time to rot. Those who were infected with the Maxtopian Pox, a disease that starts with decaying flesh, then skin shrivels up, and finally, muscles fall cleanly off the bone, were left to perish -- to live and die as a rotting corpse. Now the stench of human decomposition has permeated nearby towns, making the living feel as sick as the dying.

[VALIDITY] link to option 2 from No. 1013

[OPTION] "That place is full of the infected," declares General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your Chief of Staff, his face set in a scowl as @@HE@@ fiddles with a box of matches. "We need to napalm that whole area, it's the only way to ensure that any and all diseases contained in that region are eradicated for good."

[EFFECT] wildfires are no longer an act of nature

[OPTION] "We've already destroyed these people's lives, do we need to finish off nature as well?" questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Health Minister, as @@HE@@ nervously checks @@HIS@@ temperature. "The bodies, over time, will decompose and the Maxtopian Pox, without a host body will die off too. The government only needs to set up military check points all along the outskirts, so that no-one stumbles into the wilderness by accident."

[EFFECT] the @@ADJECTIVE@@ wilderness is spookily quiet

[OPTION] "I'll get rid of those bodies for you, but only for a sizeable fee," says a man in a shivery voice, wearing a threadbare robe, the hood obscuring his face. He clears his throat. "You can call me... The Corpse Collector. Don't ask me what I'll do with them, it's better to spare you the unpleasant details, but let's just say, I have a use for them."

[EFFECT] funeral parlours have a 'don't ask - don't tell' policy

[TITLE] The Corpse Collector

[DESCRIPTION] Anyone who refused a vaccination was dragged to the wilderness to die there -- waiting for their time to rot. Those who were infected with the Maxtopian Pox, a disease that starts with decaying flesh, then skin shrivels up, and finally, muscles fall cleanly off the bone, were left to perish -- to live and die as a rotting corpse. Now the stench of human decomposition has permeated nearby towns, making the living feel as sick as the dying.

[VALIDITY] link to option 2 from No. 1013

[OPTION] "That place is full of the infected," declares General @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, your Chief of Staff, his face set in a scowl as @@HE@@ fiddles with a box of matches. "We need to napalm that whole area, it's the only way to ensure that any and all diseases contained in that region are eradicated for good."

[EFFECT] wildfires are no longer an act of nature

[OPTION] "That dreadful odour is insufferable," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Health Minister, as @@HE@@ nervously checks @@HIS@@ own temperature. "However, the bodies will decompose over time and the Maxtopian Pox, without a host body will die off too. The government only needs to evacuate those nearby towns -- get the healthy as far away as possible from those wretched souls."

[EFFECT] ghost towns are named after real ghosts

[OPTION] "I'll get rid of those bodies for you, but only for a sizeable fee," says a man in a shivery voice, wearing a threadbare robe, the hood obscuring his face. He clears his throat. "You can call me... The Corpse Collector. Don't ask me what I'll do with them, it's better to spare you the unpleasant details, but let's just say, I have a use for them."

[EFFECT] funeral parlours have a 'don't ask - don't tell' policy

[Chan Island]

Jesus, that description. If this issue was a movie, it would be rated R.

[Australian rePublic]

I'm pretty sure ifa disease was this rampant, then there would be no vaccine, and nobody who is capable of recieving a vaccine would refuse it

[Baggieland]

Jesus, that description. If this issue was a movie, it would be rated R.

My attempt at the horror genre.
Are you cowering under the sheets?

I'm pretty sure ifa disease was this rampant, then there would be no vaccine, and nobody who is capable of recieving a vaccine would refuse it

I suggest you read issue no. 1013, option 2, which this one chains to.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

[DESCRIPTION] The stench of rotting flesh permeates all around, where those who were infected with the Maxtopian Pox, a disease that starts with decaying flesh, then skin shrivels up, and finally, muscles fall cleanly off the bone, were left to perish. Those who were infected would live and die as a rotting corpse. And anyone who refused a vaccination would be dragged to the wilderness to die there, waiting for their time to rot.

I think maybe change the order of presentation of information, and clarify what the dilemma is.

Start by recapping the decision made. Then go with the flowery description of the horror. Then present a dilemma that comes from that decision.

Right now, to me, all the opening says is that "you done a bad thing". It doesn't actually advance the story beyond where the last issue choice left things.

[Baggieland]

I think maybe change the order of presentation of information, and clarify what the dilemma is.

Start by recapping the decision made. Then go with the flowery description of the horror. Then present a dilemma that comes from that decision.

Right now, to me, all the opening says is that "you done a bad thing". It doesn't actually advance the story beyond where the last issue choice left things.

Very well, but the Corpse Collector will come for you tonight!

2nd draft is up!

[Jutsa]

wow

[Baggieland]

After I changed the opening premise around, I also needed to change option 2 to make sure it fitted with the description.

So, draft 3 is up.

[Baggieland]

wow

Okay guys, obviously I'm trying something a bit different here, by (attempting to) write an issue in the horror genre. What do you guys think if this issue turned up for your nation?

Is it a 'yeah' or a 'nay' from the GI community?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I'd personally make it clearer in the opening description that the issue's core dilemma is disposal of bodies. For a consequence issue to work I think it needs to not just be "here's a decision you just made", rather it needs to be "as a result of a decision you made, this new thing has happened."

[Baggieland]

I'd personally make it clearer in the opening description that the issue's core dilemma is disposal of bodies.

Have to disagree here. The core dilemma here is the overwhelming pong that has wafted into nearby settlements. Only option 3 disposes of bodies. Options 1 and 2 offer different solutions.

For a consequence issue to work I think it needs to not just be "here's a decision you just made", rather it needs to be "as a result of a decision you made, this new thing has happened."

I believe this is a decent consequence issue. The original choice from option 2, issue 1013 was to deliberately infect citizens with a pox, then leave them to die. Surely a resulting consequence of that would be an unbearable stench?

[TalAkMaChen]

If it weren't explicitly for the Pox there's also 168, option 3 to ship off infected people.
I like the gruesome idea of it, but shouldn't option 1 be only for those with WMD? Nations that don't have such arsenal, e.g. napalm, won't just get it do "dispose off" those poor souls.
Also, why are they left in the wilderness close to populated places? Wouldn't they rather be shipped to some island or far-away place? Surely the wind didn't bring the "rotten stench" for dozens of miles to those towns.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Gotcha, I hadn't realised the stench was the premise. I thought it was just a continuation of the purple prose that makes up the bulk of the opening.

[Baggieland]

If it weren't explicitly for the Pox there's also 168, option 3 to ship off infected people.
I like the gruesome idea of it, but shouldn't option 1 be only for those with WMD? Nations that don't have such arsenal, e.g. napalm, won't just get it do "dispose off" those poor souls.
Also, why are they left in the wilderness close to populated places? Wouldn't they rather be shipped to some island or far-away place? Surely the wind didn't bring the "rotten stench" for dozens of miles to those towns.

I believe that napalm is not classified as a WMD. The other points you make, are of course logical, however they were not specified in the original issue that this links to.

[Chan Island]

I wonder what the effects on wildlife would be for such a move? Surely that should be noted?

Jesus, that description. If this issue was a movie, it would be rated R.

My attempt at the horror genre.
Are you cowering under the sheets?

Should have brought sheets with me. 0/10, I disgrace the memory of every horror fan.

[Baggieland]

I wonder what the effects on wildlife would be for such a move? Surely that should be noted?

I feel that is a side issue for my draft. If the player was concerned about that, they wouldn't have chosen to infect people with a deadly pox, then leave them in the wilderness to begin with.

[Chan Island]

I wonder what the effects on wildlife would be for such a move? Surely that should be noted?

I feel that is a side issue for my draft. If the player was concerned about that, they wouldn't have chosen to infect people with a deadly pox, then leave them in the wilderness to begin with.

Fair point.

Otherwise this is pretty good as is.

[Baggieland]

It's been a while with no more comments. So I've gone ahead and submitted it. Thanks for everyone's help.

[Australian rePublic]

Good Luck!

[Baggieland]

Thanks Aussie.