World Bowl XXXVII: Everything Thread

[Main Nation Ministry]

10:45 AM

It was the time where word of the World Bowl was circulating around Main Nation Ministry. The Truth News was publishing the sports section full of all sorts of stories, though many were still getting their team flags out, as Main Nation Ministry were still high in the rankings. Was it worth it? As long as the Leader said so, then it was no worry. But now, we are focused on daily mundane life, as Princess Keller Harrington is currently practicing fighting a punching bag in her bedroom. Keller knew that trouble hasn't appeared yet, but she still wanted to be on her guard. "Ok, 1. 2. 1. 2." she said to herself, as she was launching blows as the bag went flying in almost every direction. After a while, she was on the verge of breaking a sweat, where she decided to take a break.

Well, the problem was she didn't know what to do to take a break.

"Huh. I feel like I have something I can do, but.." Keller looked around, but she realized that there was nothing of practical interest she can do. "I guess I don't have anything to do." Keller exited her bedroom and saw the picture on the wall near the bathroom. "Morning, father." Keller said to the picture of the late General Winston Harrington, as she went downstairs. Her mother was downstairs at the dining room, trying to eat a lunch bowl. "Morning, mother. I'm off to head outside." Keller said to her. "Keller, dear. You're off to head to the city already?"
"No, mother. I'm just visiting some people near here. The Leader hasn't called me or anything."
"You hadn't really told me about some new friends, Keller. I can invite them over here, if you want."
"No thanks, mother. They have some tight schedules. They aren't going to have time."
"Well, at least, show them over to the house. We need some visitors. The guest room has been empty for several months, you know."
"People still visit, mom." Keller said, as she was getting her stuff together.

"I love you, sweetie!"
"You too, mom." Keller said, as she left through the front door.

---

The month was currently an average summer, where most people flocked to the beach sectors. Keller was trying to do some befriending, since she didn't have to worry about school for a few months. Though, Keller didn't really know how to feel about it, since she was still on the anti-social side. But, as long as she's away from the Leader, she didn't have to worry. Stepping at the front door of the house, she rang the doorbell to wait for an answer. "Who the hell is it?!" Jessica Madden's voice yelled from the other side of the door. "It's me! Keller. Can I come in?" Keller asked Jessica, as some noises can be heard. A second later, the door was partially open, where Keller can only see Jessica peek through the gap in the door. "You had to arrive at this hour? We were just doing some stuff! Can't you wait?"

"I prefer that my time isn't wasted."
"Could you please keep this a secret, though?"
"Sure." Keller said, as Jessica lets her in. Only to see that Jessica was wearing a black dress and had horns on her head. "What are you doing?" Keller asked, as she observed Jessica's outfit. "I'm trying out some cosplaying. I know it's a last year trend from what the multiverse said on the internet news, but I wanted to try it out." Jessica said, adjusting her fake horns. "Is that what we're doing? I thought you said you had some songs you want me to listen to?" Keller asked, as she looked around the living room. "I do, but I figured we can have some coffee."
"Coffee?"
"Yeah, I'm doing coffee. How do you take yours?"
"Uhhh.. You have cream and sugar?"
"Ain't nothing wrong with that. Though, I have some hot sauce, if you need some." Jessica said, which weirded out Keller.

"Why do you need hot sauce?" Keller asked. "One of my friends want me to surprise them. Then, they noticed the condiments I had in my cabinet." Jessica explained to Keller, until a voice called from upstairs. "Jessica? Is that Alistair?" "No, Charlie! It's just Keller! The one I told you about! C'mon down and meet her. She isn't going to mind." Jessica called for Charlie, as she poked her head from upstairs. "Uhmmm.. Ok." Charlie went downstairs, where she was wearing..wait, is that a bunny suit? "Are.. Are some of the guys coming over or something?" Keller asked, where Jessica and Charlie took glances at each other and started to blush. "Well, there is some guys coming over in a few hours.." Jessica said, which seemed to be a lie, though Keller didn't seem to notice the obvious. Even if she did, she clearly didn't say anything at all.

"So how do you do your coffee then, Charlie?" Keller asked where Charlie was already adding some hot sauce into her coffee cup. "Seriously...?"

---

"And so the music video is going through the same bureaucratic bullshit from the usual Ministry of Entertainment supervisors.. I mean, I practically supposed to be edgy which is what my style is, but it's like I'm using a greaser's comb as a knife!" Jessica said to Keller and Charlie, as they were drinking coffee. "I can pull some strings, since I'm the princess of Main Nation Ministry. The Leader might say no, though." Keller said to reassure Jessica. "What decisions did you and the Leader do, anyways? You only seem to be more of a poster kid." "I think it was more of a forgiveness gift after I... Nevermind. I can just call the Leader."

"Anything else you can do as the princess?" Charlie asked her, not looking like she was being affected by the hot sauce in her coffee. "Not really. I don't want to abuse that power, like how the Leader is pretty much doing whatever he wants." "As long as you don't act like a supervillain, then you're good." Jessica said to her.
"Thanks.. Hey, Jessica. I'm sorry about what happened a couple of months about that rally. I didn't mean to throw the gun up too high."
"Relax, Keller. I got heat from the Leader before. He doesn't really go full murder on me."
"Well, that's good."

While the three of them were enjoying coffee, there was a knock on the door. "Aw shit, I think that might be Gerald! I can't let him see me like this! Keller, go answer it!" Jessica asked Keller, where she rolled her eyes, as she got up to answer the door. Opening the door, Keller assumed it would be Gerald. "Gerald, look. Jessica and Charlie are kinda busy with some-" Keller wasn't looking at who was outside, when she saw the guy at the door. "Oh! Princess Harrington! I didn't realize you were at Jessica's!" Jason Masami said, caught offguard as he was standing outside with his sports car on the street. When Keller saw Jason, she looked like she was tensing her body the moment she saw him. "Oh Jessica? She's.. doing some private stuff with the band. In other words, she's really busy so.."
"Alright, I was just wanting to check up on her and stuff. You know I don't see you with any paparazzi around. I guess I'm the one who gets more of the practical fame."
"I guess so..." Keller started to pout, as she nervously grabbed her hair.
"So she's fine, as you said?"
"Yeah! Of course! We're just having some coffee. So it was nice for you to drop on by, but I gotta help by being quality assurance, so I can't really talk anyone so... take care!" Keller immediately slammed the door, where Jason Masami didn't know how to react. "Uhhh... ok. I think I go watch the game or something." Jason thought, as he went back to his car.

"What the actual hell-"
"Jessica."
"Heck happened!? Thanks, Charlie." Jessica asked Keller, as she looked extremely nervous and was starting to shake. "It was just Masami. I'm guessing he's a friend of yours?"
"Yeah, what did you say to him? The conversation I heard was so abrupt."
"..."
"Keller? Something's wrong? You're blushing?" Charlie asked Keller, as her face was starting to go red.
"I'm fine.."
"What gotten into you all of the sudden?"
"..."
"...Oh. I see. You're interested in Masami?"

"No! I'm not interested in that dummy!" Keller suddenly blurted out, where Jessica already pieced the puzzle together. "Relax, Keller. You're clearly aggressively saying no, when you're clearly have some feelings towards him. I seen it a lot of times on TV. I think it's normal." "What do you think I have which would make me interested in him?!" Keller said, looking angry. "Well. You do have some good thighs."
"I already told you! I'm not interested in Jason Masami!"
"Well-"

"I'm not interested in Jason Masami! Not his looks! Not his abs! Not his hair! Or his personality! I'm only into certain men! Not.... Not!....." Keller has realized what she had just said.

There was a sudden absurd silence in the room.

"..."
"..."
"..."

"It's ok, Keller. I know a thing or two." Jessica reassured Keller.

"Keller Dates Jason"

[West Phoenicia]

The West Phoenician War Dancers are in top form coming into the World Bowl XXXVII as their second game again is on home soil at The True Path stadium located on the outskirts of the West Phoenician Empire capital, Melbourne-Haven.

Before the games commencement 12 year old Princess Laodice V Gryphon-Bush Philadelphos, youngest daughter of Emperor Glenton Gryphon-Bush II and first wife Queen Angelique Gryphon-Bush, and 10 year old Prince Augustus IV Gryphon- Bush Philadelphos, youngest son of Emperor Glenton Gryphon-Bush II and second wife Queen Alotta Gryphon Bush attired in traditional West Phoenician royal garb lit a tributary fire to honour Kabaka Albert III, the late king of the Kingdom of
Banija who had been assassinated and whose grouping West Phoenicia is included in for the phase one groupings of the current World Bowl.


The War Dancers cheerleading squad led by Gwendolyn Fraser and Deidamia Epirus, two of the infamous cheerleaders from the previous Summer Olympic Games in The Free Republics and who spent more time taunting the opposition that they were out performed and placed 5th, led the squad in a number of routines that The Moral Mothers of West Phoenicia have labelled over sexed, and too too provocative for day time viewing.
In their short purple and gold uniforms shaking their eye blinding pom-poms denounced The Moral Mothers of West Phoenicia as out of touch with what West Phoenicians really want.

It was than the War Dancers took the field, coming up against Kandonica, leading the charge was quarterbacks Marc Okinawa and Jake Mars. With the stadium stacked in West Phoenicia's favour. The cheering grew louder that within the first four minutes of player the War Dancers had broken the defensiveine of their opponents and quarterback Marc Okinawa scored the first touch down for the team. It was from that moment that West Phoenicia began to shine, their Defensive Line held up for most of the game while West Phoenician Quarterbacks and Running backs worked in perfect unison to lead the team to victory.

Head Coach Salvador Di Monti said that The War Dancers played a brliant game, even better than their debut game, the final score was West Phoenicia 55–7 Kandonica

[Free Republics]

WOLF Network Postgame Show

Vachel Gingras and Steffen Kortig were seated in a television studio following the 29 to 20 victory by the Free Republics.

Vachel Gingras - Welcome to the World Bowl XXXV on WOLF Postgame Show! The Free Republics have moved to 2-0 in the Kizza I Group with a 29 to 20 victory over Abanhfleft.

Steffen Kortig - The scoring started early as both teams traded field goals. With the Free Republics leading 9 to 6, Abanhfleft quarterback Harrison Aumann found Saddam Hussain for a 17 yard touchdown pass to put the Fleftics up 13 to 9.

Vachel Gingras - The Free Republics answered with another field goal right before half to go into halftime down 13 to 12. On the opening drive of the second half, the Republicans drove downfield but Edmundo Smead would strip sack Dania Sandberg here. He would be tackled by Jonas Hetland at the 11 yard line. Virgilio Evans would run it in for a touchdown on the very next play and Abanhfleft would convert the extra point.

Steffen Kortig - The Republican offense would produce yet another field goal to make it 20 to 15 Abanhfleft going into the 4th quarter. The turning point of the game would come as Abanhfleft had the ball in the red zone looking to score again. Hanna Ostrowska jumped in front of a pass intended for Jeremy Lacazette and was gone, returning it all the way for a Republican touchdown. A Republican 2 point conversion attempt failed as the Fleftics stuffed Park Han. The score was 21 to 20 Free Republics.

Vachel Gingras - After forcing a punt, the Republicans would drive down the field, finally culminating in an offensive touchdown. Dania Sandberg took it in herself on an option keeper from 14 yards out. Katakin Maier made the gutsy call to go for 2 and Sandberg would complete a pass to Park Han to put the Republicans up 29 to 20 with 3 and a half minutes to go.

Steffen Kortig - Abanhfleft would drive down the field but this Charles McAdam interception would seal the win for the Free Republics.

Vachel Gingras - Now we take you to Theresa Dillon for a live interview for Katakin Maier.

Theresa Dillon - Coach Maier, your Republican national team just beat Abanhfleft to move to 2-0. How do you feel right now?

Katakin Maier - We've got a long way to go but its a great victory for us. Every single game in this World Bowl is tough. These aren't exactly teams that we've had much success against in the past but that's why it is so important that we play well in Phase 1 to build up confidence that we'll need should we get to the playoffs.

Theresa Dillon - Did I just hear you say the word "playoffs"? Isn't it a bit early to be talking about that?

Katakin Maier - We still have 10 more games to go but I believe we should make it there and we should be ready when we get there.

Theresa Dillon - Last year, New England knocked you out in the Round of 16. This year, they've put 56 on Allamunnic States and 50 on Bongo Johnson in League B games. Do you believe that your team was unprepared to face them last year?

Katakin Maier - Well, they've definitely shown this year that they weren't a fluke a year ago. You don't see somebody put 56 points on the Allamunnic States very often. I know the Regulars aren't ranked quite as high as they used to be but it was still a shock for me when I found out they were in League B. If New England keeps scoring like that and destroying good teams like the Regulars in the process, well they'll be a really tough opponent in Phase 2 for whichever 3 unlucky opponents they end up facing.

Theresa Dillon - It does seem like the World Bowl is deeper than it used to be in terms of quality teams.

Katakin Maier - I've heard that Cassadaigua's press is hoping they don't get promoted from League 3 because they think they have a better chance of qualifying for the playoffs as a League 3 group winner. I think they're mistaken about that. They may not be fully back in football like they are in baseball but I'm sure they're going to be contending for World Bowl titles again in the future. I remember being in the crowd when they defeated West Guiana to win World Bowl XXII.

Theresa Dillon - Did you see the assassination of the King of Saintland?

Katakin Maier - No, I didn't. I was actually sitting near his luxury box but nobody was paying attention to that. It was a really sad day. Then, not too long after, somebody assassinated Consul Piazza and sent our country into chaos.

Theresa Dillon - At the time, the assassinations were blamed on Feministvs Sanctvsterra.

Katakin Maier - That was obviously propaganda put out by the Holy Party as part of Kulseth's rise to power and all of the evidence is long gone so I guess we'll never know what actually happened.

Theresa Dillon - Well, anyways, back to football. Next up, you face Taeshan which eliminated Jak Hamilton's team from the playoffs 3 years in a row. Do you think the result will be different this time?

Katakin Maier - I don't know the answer to that but we will play the Fitin' Falcons hard. No Republican team has ever beaten them so we're determined to be the first to accomplish that.

Theresa Dillon - Anything else?

Katakin Maier - I want to take this opportunity to congratulate the National Baseball Team on their World Baseball Classic championship. I wanted to be the first coach to win a major international championship for the Free Republics but Kyle Thomas deserves his championship and a long-term extension. Now, I just want to join him and make our country a simultaneous 2 sport champion.

Theresa Dillon - Its going to be a long road there but you have an entire Federation that believes you can do it. Back to Steffen and Vachel in the studio...

[Ko-oren]

Who's who in Rokani Group

The Dragonflies' campaign has started to win at least three out of six games and maintain a spot among the Multiverse's top nine, for the time being. In a group with Pridnestrovia, Newmanistan and Cosumar there are enough good old rivals to make sure that further motivation isn't necessary. Two games against all three foes each... that's what you live for as a national team hopeful.

Pridnestrovia enters the World Bowl as the best team of all. Not a lucky draw for 10th ranked Ko-oren (how are we so far down?), but a great way to measure ourselves nonetheless. How did Pridnestrovia get to be first in the rankings anyway? It shouldn't be a vague memory - they won the 36th World Bowl in our very own Aminey. Any game between them and us will put the Multiverse's best offence against one of the Multiverse's best defences. That first title is a closely contested one, but that latter one is a little more wide open: apart from us, there's usually only Taeshan who field a team that is all defence. Nearly always in 21 personnel, with players that universally have one or two inches over our own... this will be a battle.

Newmanistan take up the challenge with a team that belies their top 12 status a little bit: that ranking was achieved by a lot of players that aren't on the Rockets anymore. It's their new challenge to keep it together with a new starting quarterback, running back, and offensive line. Also watch 37-year-old fullback Jimmie Gordon, who can teach the KGFL players a thing or two about durability. The defence is missing some key figures of years past as well, but they hang on with half of their starters being 30+.

Cosumar are a team to watch since the Di Bradini Cup, where the Butterflies went out on two consecutive occasions against the later DBC winners. Out of the three opponents, Cosumar are mixed in terms of focus, focusing on offence heavily (instead of focusing on offence only in the case of Pridnestrovia and moderately in the case of Newmanistan). The Azure Dragons boast the oldest player in the group, even older than the 37-year-old fullback of Newmanistan: Keevu Schavinski, punter, 72 years of age.

Quebec has its smell all over this group: as our closest neighbours, the nation to employ one of Cosumar's players (and the only player in this group to play their club gridiron abroad), and as the instigator for our group's namesake, Rokani, to establish Banija's oldest universities: Loyola-Istria, and Northern Moravica (NSCF 20 champions). The exact universities in the Celestia Conference in the NSCF, where they are joined by the Salamantic Professors - our only team in NSCF. Quebec aren't in our group, they are with Taeshan, Abanhfleft, and the Free Republics in the Kizza I Group, also League A. That means there is a chance we'll play them at some point.

All three teams will test our defence. If we can keep opposing yards and points under 17 or so, we can expect our own offence to outscore them. Any shootout, and I'm not so sure.

Things to look for in the third game, versus Cosumar:
- Cosumar Offence vs Ko-oren Defence: both teams' prided units take each other on about 50% of the time this game - what else do you want?
- Øygard, Luukkainen, Perrantes vs Karentathen, Binnenpoorte, Braakjans: the Azure Dragons have a dangerous running game, can it be stopped by the Dragonflies' undersized, understaffed defensive line? We have to rely on the linebackers and secondary as the true gem of the World Bowl's (hopefully) best defence - not the line. Luckily for us, all three backs are getting on in age.
- Na'Basi, Weeldreyer vs Ensink, Dwyer: what a time to be alive. Two incredible freaks of nature on both sides of the ball: tall, fast, and glue for hands, we have the Cosumarite wide receivers facing true human blankets, do-it-all cornerbacks.
- Hibbert vs Fothergill vs Nimmo-Dirksen: the Azure Dragons aren't sure of their starting quarterback just yet. Hibbert should start, but a bad performance might see him give up his signalcalling duties.
- Schavinski vs age: at 72, that's some career. With over 50 years of gridiron experience, you'd think the gradual decline sets in any second now. We're still waiting.

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale beats Greater Vakolicci Haven

Iros, Greater Vakolicci Haven - After an hostile debut in Tornado Queendom, Terre Septentrionale was on the road again, to play against Greater Vakolicci Haven in a more normal environment. GVH is the team to beat in Zalaba II group and the Nordiques beat them 30-20. GVH won the coin toss (a normal coin toss this time) and choose to recieve first. They're moving the ball pretty well, and after a couple of play, GVH is at the 14 yards line in Septentrional territory. Quarterback #1 passes to Wide Receiver #2 into the endzone for a touchdown and GVH takes a 7-0 lead. On their next drive, Terre Septentrionale made a 38 yards field goal and the score was 7-3 GVH. Just before the end of the 1st quarter, GVH made a 46 yards field goal and the Reprezentacja Nordycki answers back with a 31 yards field goal early in the 2nd quarter. The score was 10-6 GVH. Then with less than 4 minutes remaining in the 2nd quarter, Terre Septentrionale has the ball at the 4 yards line and it's a 2nd and goal. Montavious McBryde runs through the middle to the endzone and the Northmen takes a 13-10 lead at the halftime.

Terre Septentrionale started with the ball at the start of the 3rd quarter and had to punt the ball after three plays. On their first drive of the 3rd quarter, GVH made a 29 yards field goal and the game was tied at 13-13. On their next drive, Terre Septentrionale was at their own 37 yards and with a shotgun formation with 4 wide receivers, Haylie Woo made a long pass to Sheldrick Ferguson-McCloud who caught the ball and ran all the way to the end zone for a touchdown. The Nordiques takes a 20-13 lead. Early in the 4th quater, GVH was at their own 29 yards line with a 3rd and one and Halfback #1 ran with the ball for the first down but he drops it before being tackled and Kevin McGinnis jumps on the ball to take control of it. Konrad Juszczyk forced the fumble. Terre Septentrionale had the ball at GVH 33 yards line for a 1st and 10. 2 plays later, The Reprezentacja Nordycki couldn't convert a 3rd and 4 and had to bring the field goal unit onto the field. The kick was good and the score was 23-13 Terre Septentrionale. On their next drive, GVH advanced to the 22 yards line in Septentrional territory. Quarterback #1 passed to Wide Receiver #1 into the endzone for a touchdown and the score was 23-20 Northmen. With les than 4 minutes remaining, GVH had the ball at their own 48 yards line on a 4th and 10. They went for it, they didn't punt, but Quarterback #1's pass was incomplete and it was a turnover on downs. Montavious McBryde ran for 4 yards on the first down and for 3 yards on the 2nd down. With a 3rd down and 3, Haylie Woo made a screen pass to Barkevious Hawkins who caught the ball and ran 33 yards before getting tackled at the 8 yards line. Montavious McBryde ran for no gain on the 1st down and on the 2nd down, Haylie Woo passed to Nick Donald-McIntyre into the endzone for a touchdown. The score was 30-20 for Terre Septentrionale and this was the final score!

Greater Vakolicci Haven  10   0   3   7  -  20
Terre Septentrionale      3  10   7  10  -  30

BOXSCORE

1ST QUARTER
10:55 - Touchdown by Wide Receiver #2 (14 yards pass from Quarterback #1). Extra Point by Kicker #1.
7:18 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (38 yards)
0:41 - Field Goal by Kicker #1 (46 yards)

2ND QUARTER
12:36 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (31 yards)
3:47 - Touchdown by Montavious McBryde (4 yards run). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

3RD QUARTER
10:31 - Field Goal by Kicker #1 (29 yards)
8:24 - Touchdown by Sheldrick Ferguson-McCloud (63 yards pass from Haylie Woo). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

4TH QUATER
11:29 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (44 yards)
8:04 - Touchdown by Wide Receiver #1 (22 yards pass from Quarterback #1). Extra Point by Kicker #1.
1:56 - Touchdown by Nick Donald-McIntyre (8 yards pass from Haylie Woo). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

Fisrt home game

Terre Septentrionale won their two first games and are now in 1st place of Zalaba II group tied with Greater Liverpool with 2 wins in 2 games. It seems like either the Nordiques or Greater Liverpool is gonna win this group, unless GVH starts winning. Greater Liverpool is our next opponent and we receive them in our home opener at Superdome Mercedes Belzile in Ville Jacques-Cartier. In Terre Septentrionale, we have a coastal subarctic climate and in mid-april, 1°celsius (35°fahrenheit) with little rain is the expected weather for this game.

Logan McPhee,
La trbune septentrionale

[Torisakia]

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we began earlier in the week. Previously, we talked about mathday one of the tournament and Torisakia's 30-17 win over Shatla. Today we'll be covering the second matchday of the tournament, looking at Torisakia's game against Geektopia as well as other news from around the event. But before we get to that, we have some sad news to report.

Earlier today my friend Stevie McBanana came to the studio crying. We said, "What's the matter? What's the matter?" And he said the late Murvin Alexander's brother, David Alexander, had died. So we didn't know what to say. Then I said, "How did he die?" and he said "He was at home going to his fridge and he slipped and started sliding on the shiny floors of his kitchen and fell face first into the Vidalia Slice Wizard and he just fell over and stopped breathing." And then he started crying again. My colleague Rog Heinershmaltz said, "My hamster was in a band playing drums." So everyone said, "Shhhh!" And Rog said, "I was only saying!". So yes, the brother of Murvin Alexander has died, yes. He was at the ripe age of 47 and still had half of his life left to go. That's a shame, he was really hot nice.

So onto the meat of today's post: last night Torisakia played Geektopia in matchday two of World Bowl 37. It was the first road game for them but that didn't seem to affect them at all. Torisakia won handily 26-12, not giving up a single touchdown but holding Geektopia to four field goals. The offense started out a bit slow, only mustering up 7 points in the first half. It might have just been first road game jitters, as the Geektopia crowd was pretty loud. It might have also been due to the fact that Geektopia had players with names that not even the best linguists in the world could pronounce. Regardless, this was the opposite of what occurred in their first game against Shatla as the struggle came in the first half instead of the second. Torisakia eventually opened things up in the third quarter, scoring two touchdowns on two passes by Aaron Spady to two different receivers, Cliff Bolden and Jay Abaroa. Torisakia moved the ball much more effectively as they only averaged around 2.3 yards a play in the first half but almost 7 yards and play in the second. However, it was mostly the Ice Birds' defense that kept Torisakia in the lead.

Box Score	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	Final
Torisakia (2-0)	7	0	14	5	26
Geektopia (0-2)	3	3	3	3	12

As you can see by the box score, the defense really held their ground all game long. Geektopia never got inside the goal line, and only made two trips inside the red zone all game long. The linebacker core was really the star of the show, with Elijah Rose, Bailey McNiel, and Kyeon Wilkerson each did an amazing job in all aspects of the game. Geektopia never had a play go more than 8 yards, and was never able to establish their run game. Quite possibly due to the three frontmen of the Ice Birds' defense, notorious for their ability to clog up the lanes. The secondary got a little lenient, allowing 207 yards of passing by Geektopia along with a few blown coverages that their QB thankfully didn't pick up on. It's hard to harp much on them since this is only the second game of the tournament and we didn't really know their playstyle yet. Now that this game has past Torisakia should know what to expect in their next meeting, this time at home behind the Yasui crowd.

GAME SUMMARY OF TORISAKIA VS. GEEKTOPIA

1st QUARTER
9:04 GKT - 44 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
4:42 TOR - 24 yard run by M. Prickett (DeBerry PAT)
END OF 1ST Torisakia: 7 Geektopia: 3

2nd QUARTER
0:37 GKT - 42 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
END OF 2ND Torisakia: 6 Geektopia: 7

3rd QUARTER
13:47 TOR - 39 yard pass from A. Spady to J. Abaroa (DeBerry PAT)
7:20 GKT - 30 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
3:55 TOR - 18 yard pass from A. Spady to C. Bolden (DeBerry PAT)
END OF 3RD Torisakia: 21 Geektopia: 9

4th QUARTER
11:59 GKT - 45 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
5:06 TOR - 53 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
1:17 TOR - Safety
END OF 4TH Torisakia: 26 Geektopia: 12

The scoring wasn't spread around as much this game as it was against Shatla, but others got involved nonetheless. Prickett had a great 24 yard touchdown run essentially being able to walk into the endzone. The two touchdown passes by Spady in the third quarter were fantastic, he was able to look off the safety both times to create wide open touchdown passes. Geektopia did well for what little they were able to do. They moved the ball when they needed to but the Torisakia defense just proved to be much too powerful for them. Their defense played pretty good as well given how the first half went. There aren't many defenses in the world that can slow down the type of offense that the Ice Birds have. We could just say they got lucky, but there's much more things in play in gridiron than just luck. As for the Torisakia defense, holding Geektopia to only four field goals and no touchdowns is an amazing feat. Especially when they only allowed two red zone possessions and on one of those they got a turnover. Overall a much better defense game by Torisakia but a sluggish start for the offense.

Torisakia now moves to 2-0 in the Mugisha III group and plays on matchday three against Cassadaigua, who is also 2-0 and is coming off a shutout win over Shatla 30-0. The Ice Birds get this one at home at the Troutwood Bowl in Douglas-La Pryor, home of the current Hyperbowl champions. With a few players from the Douglas-La Pryor team on the national team as well as the atmosphere in the city after winning the Hyperbowl, Torisakia definitely has an advantage over Cassadaigua. The biggest issue is the fact that tomorrow is supposed to be a full moon. And for whatever reason, no Torisakia team ever seems to play well under a full moon. Theories as to why have ranged from a 'placebo effect' all the way to 'all Torisakians are secretly werewolves'. I say it's the former, because we all know that the only Torisakian werewolf is in Old Loon.

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Cassadaigua matchup and preview the next matchup as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups. Take care and always have two sailboats in the bath so you can have a race!

[Banija]

*Scene set at the Northern Moravica University practice facilities*

Alastair Jobs felt very strange. The Olympic Committee of Banija had wanted the national team to visit multiple venues throughout the country during league play at the World Bowl, to ensure that the whole country would be able to see the team. Six home games to diivy out- and the first three, of course, to Banija's three largest stadiums- the Mugisha II Memorial Stadium, the Alastair Jobs FIeld @ the Istria Lightning Yard, and the Stadium of the Restoration. The country's two largest college football stadiums, and the national stadium.

Of course, Jobs made his name coaching at the University of Loyola-Istria. While he was winning titles with the Blue Thunder, having an all-time 8-0 postseason record in the NSCF at Loyola-Istria with two NSCF championships, a Celestia Conference title, and a Pioneer Bowl win, the reason he was lionized at the school was because of his NSCF success. And while he watched the Serpent Eagles lose not one, not two, but three semifinals in a row, all in excruciatingly painful fashion, one thing remained true- something needed to change, to get over the hump.

The national team, of course, did not participate in World Bowl 32 or 33. The knockout stages of World Bowl 34 were all on home soil, but the Banijans didn't even make that, not finishing top two in their group, and failing to even reach the home portion of the tournament. A gut punch, a sea change was demanded. Alastair Jobs was hired before World Bowl 35, and while World Bowl 35 did not go too well, World Bowl 36 was brilliant. The second tournament under his belt, the team finally hit its stride, having knockout stage upsets against both the Main Nation Ministry and host nation Ko-oren, before eventually falling in the semifinals to guess who? Drawkland.

Two of those teams, of course, the Banijans were grouped with now, thanks to the OCB's new format. Main Nation Ministry exacted their opportunity for revenge, while Banija failed to make the best of its chance to get revenge in Drawkland. He could feel the pressure on him. An 0-2 start to this tournament meant that the first home game of the World Bowl was essentially a must win for the Banijans. And it came at the strangest of venues, Northern Moravica. As the Loyola-Istria head coach, he had a lot of disdain for this school, as this rivalry was the country's biggest, regardless of sport, professional or collegiate. And yet, here he was- facing the strange prospect of practicing at Northern, of fans being filled in this gigantic stadium cheering for him, rather than against him.

He walked into the offensive film session, and looked around. Of course, there was a massive N on the ceiling, adn Northern logos anywhere. He hated the thought of it. But of course, here he was. College rivalries aside, he needed to be focused on winning this one, for his country. Blue vs. red and North vs. South were not the questions here, it was green and orange as well as Banija vs. Velstrania. He ignored the logos, and addressed the film session.

"13 points in each of our two games is simply not good enough." Said Coach Jobs. "We have a much better offense than the one that has seen the field so far, and we need to understand that we can do better than this. 13 points is not good enough to win at the World Bowl. This team, this country, is about championship football. Nobody wants to be part of the first team to ever be relegated at a World Bowl, now do they? Especially when this tournament was our idea? That's a stain on our legacies. That's why this game is an absolute must win."

"Something needs to change to provide spark to this offense. Now, of course, we're finally at home here at Mugisha II Memorial- we cannot squander this opportunity. We have the talent- Isaka is our quarterback, Okparro is our running back. Now Velstrania offers a unique challenge. They're massive- biggest dudes we've ever seen. You're not going to pound the ball up the gut on Velstrania, no. The path to victory for us is going to be on the edges."

"We're going to attack those corners, and go on the edges. They may be bigger than us, but they certainly are not faster than us. We run swing routes to Okparro, we run bubble screens for our slot receivers, we run quick out routes- that's the way to move the ball on this defense. They look daunting, because they are daunting- but we are not afraid. We understand what's at stake here. If we fall today, we put ourselves in a precarious situation regarding advancement, and we can't- no we won't let that happen. You hear me?"

"Coach Johnson will give you the details." Jobs then left the room. He wouldn't let the nerves get to him- even though the pressure was on, he knew that he had a job to do, and would do it. Pull out all the stops to win this game, to stop the bleeding, and give Banija some momentum for the second half of Phase 1, to try and find a way to stay in League A. He would leave no stone unturned in his quest to finally been Banija what they had been searching for for so long- that World Bowl silverware...

[Banija]

And in the naked light I saw.... Ten thousand people maybe more!

People talking without speaking! People hearing without listening!

People writing songs! That voices never sang! And no one dared.... Disturb the sound of cutoffs

*Due to a problem with my xkoronate, the tables will take a bit of time to calculate. I've posted the scores now for your convenience*

League A

Kabonero III Group
Drawkland 50–27 Main Nation Ministry
Banija 26–65 Velstrania

Kabonero III Group       Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland               3    3   0    90   59  +31
2 Velstrania              3    2   1   116   63  +53
3 Main Nation Ministry    3    1   2    63   95  −32
4 Banija                  3    0   3    52  104  −52

Kizza I Group
Taeshan 17–10 Free Republics
Abanhfleft 35–20 Royal Kingdom of Quebec

Kizza I Gruop               Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Taeshan                    3    2   1    50   35  +15
2 Free Republics             3    2   1    65   50  +15
3 Abanhfleft                 3    1   2    67   75   −8
4 Royal Kingdom of Quebec    3    1   2    46   68  −22

Rokani Group
Newmanistan 32–16 Pridnestrovia
Ko-oren 15–36 Cosumar

Rokani Group             Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Cosumar                 3    2   1   107   78  +29
2 Ko-oren                 3    2   1    41   51  −10
3 Newmanistan             3    1   2    60   66   −6
4 Pridnestrovia           3    1   2    66   79  −13

League B

Ruhakana Group
Allamunnic States 43–0 Bongo Johnson
New England 41–21 Northwest Kalactin

Ruhakana Group           Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 New England             3    3   0   147   78  +69
2 Allamunnic States       3    2   1   106   79  +27
3 Northwest Kalactin      3    1   2    75   87  −12
4 Bongo Johnson           3    0   3    40  124  −84

Akena III Group
United States of Devonta 30–23 Anthor
Greater Nordics 20–29 South Covello

Akena III                    Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 United States of Devonta    3    3   0    84   54  +30
2 South Covello               3    1   2    68   84  −16
3 Anthor                      3    1   2    69   78   −9
4 Greater Nordics             3    1   2    60   65   −5

Bategeka Group
Equestrian States 24–25 Vangaziland
Ranoria 30–26 Xanneria

Bategeka Group           Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Vangaziland             3    3   0   102   51  +51
2 Xanneria                3    1   2    45   74  −29
3 Equestrian States       3    1   2    62   61   +1
4 Ranoria                 3    1   2    74   97  −23

League C

Mugisha III Group
Torisakia 34–17 Cassadaigua
Shatla 10–33 Geektopia

Mugisha III Group        Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Torisakia               3    3   0    90   46  +44
2 Cassadaigua             3    2   1    73   54  +19
3 Geektopia               3    1   2    65   62   +3
4 Shatla                  3    0   3    27   93  −66

Albert III Group
Kandonica 30–30 Lavize (33–30 OT)
Amurbia 26–43 West Phoenicia

Albert III Group         Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 West Phoenicia          3    3   0   138   43  +95
2 Amurbia                 3    1   2    88   80   +8
3 Lavize                  3    1   2    57   86  −29
4 Kandonica               3    1   2    60  134  −74

Zalaba II Group
Tornado Queendom 35–26 Greater Vakolicci Haven
Terre Septentrionale 19–6 Greater Liverpool

Zalaba II Group             Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Terre Septentrionale       3    3   0    62   29  +33
2 Greater Liverpool          3    2   1    66   50  +16
3 Tornado Queendom           3    1   2    48   72  −24
4 Greater Vakolicci Haven    3    0   3    67   92  −25

[The Transmondian Commonwealth]

Roster:

(All players and coaches are male. The 2nd last name in parentheses indicates which of several parallel worlds they are from. It is not used in everyday conversation, except when there are two people with the same name. For example, the head coach would normally just be called "John Tyng." When writing someone's full name with the world name, the parentheses are optional -- so "Carl Blanchard (Reich)" and "Carl Blanchard Reich" are both acceptable.)

Head Coach: John Tyng (Carolingian)
Other Coaches: Louis Champernou (Acadian), William Lowe, Jeffrey Granger (Black)

Starting Players:

QB: Herman Jones (Reich)
HB: Preserved by the Lord Fulbright (Puritan)
HB: Cody Bolt (Warren)
FB: Jeremy Woolworth (Rickshaw)
WR: Samuel Hudson (Coal)
WR: George Leroy (Roche)
TE: Joshua Merrimack (Rubble)
LT: Joe Johnson (Wilderness)
LG: Jacques Aroostook (Rubble)
C: Thomas Collins (Marx)
RG: Adrian Devereaux (Coal)
RT: Michael Brown (Rickshaw)
RE: Claudius Hughes (Noble)
LE: Lamar Montague (Nercom)
NT: Albert Cadwallader (Reich)
SLB: Luke Wong (Wilderness)
ILB: Saul Howard (Dark)
ILB: Salvation Addison (Puritan)
WLB: Christopher Whitney (Roche)
LCB: Cary Adams (Noble)
RCB: Paul Christ (Dark)
FS: Mark Griswold (Coal)
S: Louis Goodwin (Rubble)

Back-up Players:

QB: Ichabod Briley (Dark)
HB: William Woodman (Marx)
WR: Adolf Ormond (Reich)
WR: Dorian Law (Union)
WR: Marius Hixson (Noble)
TE: Perseverance Morrison (Puritan)
T: James Swanson (Noble)
T: Alexander Harrison (Roche)
G: Fred Sanchez (Wilderness)
C: John Runningwater (Rickshaw)
DE: Xavier Freedman (Noble)
DE: Metacomet Radford (Rickshaw)
DT: Heinrich Hinckley (Reich)
OLB: Carl Blanchard (Reich)
OLB: Carl Blanchard (Coal)
ILB: Andrew Lynn (Turkey)
CB: William Burke (Roche)
CB: Windy Gray (Marx)
S: Richard Nugent -- this guy was born in the Home States, but his family moved to the Reich to help with denazification, and he was recruited there
S: James Hawley (Rickshaw)
K: Robert Metzger (Coal)
P: Philip Nantucket (Rubble)
LS: Peter Hill (Puritan)

RP Permissions
Choose my scorers: Yes, please do.
Godmod scoring events: Going into lots of detail about how a play happened is great, but please don't go too crazy involving my players in things that are nonsensical or impossible
RP injuries to my players: Minor injuries only
Godmod Injuries to my players: Minor injuries only
Suspend my players: One here or there is OK, but don't make them sound like total scum-buckets.
Godmod suspension events: One here or there is OK, but don't make them sound like total scum-buckets.
Godmod other events: Don't go overboard

Style mod: +2

Home Stadium: Wilderness Stadium East, capacity 45,000

History of New England and National Information:

In 1789, representatives of the American states met to draft a new constitution, but talks broke down due to irreconcilable differences on the issue of slavery, and the states of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, and Rhode Island declared themselves independent from the United States. They formed a new union called the Commonwealth of New England, which also included Vermont. In 1933, Newfoundland was peacefully annexed and became the 6th state of the Commonwealth.

New England was a bastion of freedom in a world plagued by slavery, and it was a formiddable naval power, but America's hostility and Europe's dependence on American grain exports put the Commonwealth in a precarious position politically and economically. This was exacerbated by the rise of fascism in the 20th century.

By the 1970s, New England was suffering severe food shortages due to trade embargoes and overpopulation, and many people emigrated to Canada or America.

This state of affairs continued until 1988, when a team of researchers at MIT made a discovery that would completely upend the balance of power: they discovered a way to travel between parallel worlds. In other worlds, they found technologies that were unheard of in their own timeline. New England became the world's only nuclear power in a world where the concept of nuclear fission had never been conceived. The great slaveholding powers laughed when New England demanded that they free their slaves or face annihilation. A week later, with Los Angeles, Atlanta, and Baltimore reduced to smoldering craters, the United States surrendered and countries across Europe emancipated their slaves to avoid war.

It did not take long for Yankee leaders to realize that their new technology opened up more possibilities than just the opportunity to steal nuclear warheads from other worlds. They began reaching out to their counterparts in other versions of New England, attempting to unite all the Yankee people as a single nation spanning multiple worlds. In worlds that were technologically backward, they shared their knowledge to improve the people's lives and encourage them to join the Commonwealth. In worlds that were more technologically advanced, they learned everything they could and brought the new technologies home to their own world for study.

But there was one technology they were careful never to share: the ability to open portals between worlds. That was a closely-guarded secret because they knew it would be disastrous if it fell into the hands of a rival power like the Americans or the Germans.

In worlds where New England was not inhabited by English-speaking white people, they left the locals to govern themselves. Although what it means to be a Yankee can vary greatly from one world to the next, they understood that French people and Indians were separate peoples with separate histories. Where the French and Indians were friendly, trade was established, but their land was not annexed and their people were not allowed citizenship. In worlds where New England was inhabited by English-speaking white people -- regardless of whether they called themselves Yankee, American, Canadian, or British, and regardless of whether they had minority populations of other ethnic groups living in their midst -- emissaries attempted to persuade the people to join the Transmondian Commonwealth.

They never attempted to annex anything outside the traditional borders of New England. In worlds where North America had no human population, they would plunder it for natural resources, with no regard for borders -- but where there was a human population, they wanted only the alternate versions of their own country. In worlds where New England was an independent country with different borders, or where it controlled colonies, they respected the local borders and they kept the colonies. In some worlds, they found themselves governing Namibia, Australia, or the moon. In worlds where New England belonged to the United States, Canada, or some European power, they attempted to persuade the people to secede from the local government and join the Commonwealth instead.

Within a few decades, the Commonwealth expanded across dozens of worlds and established trade with hundreds more. The population ballooned from 30 million to several billion, and technology advanced at a breakneck pace that was difficult to comprehend. The Home States became a hub for trade between worlds, and the infrastructure struggled to keep up with all the people coming and going, leading to atrocious traffic congestion and overcrowded cities.

The government became unwieldy as the nation grew far faster than the bureaucratic systems were designed to handle. Juggling diplomatic relations across hundreds of worlds was an overwhelming challenge. But even as people were reeling from all the rapid changes, most people were better off. Anyone that wanted to make a new life for themselves could go to one of the uninhabited worlds and help plunder them for natural resources.

The worlds are named according to what the first Yankee visitors found notable about them. For example, the Australian Countries are a world where New England colonized Australia. The Obama Countries are a world where Barack Obama was president of the United States when the first emissaries arrived. The Dark Countries had no electric power when they were first discovered.

Delivering mail, managing trademarks, and discussing geography can be a challenge, as many names are repeated across different worlds. There are hundreds of versions of Boston, Portland, Providence, etc. and each version of Boston may have a street called Beacon Street or Commonwealth Avenue. Sports teams, colleges, and companies often have the same names from one world to the next. To clear up confusion, the name of the world is specified: The Patriots of the Home States, the Red Sox of the English Countries, the University of Vermont in Rainbow Burlington. This also applies to the names of politicians, athletes, authors, or entertainers who may be famous in multiple worlds -- though people from the Home Countries do not use a world name. The president of the Commonwealth, who is from the Home Countries, is Darren Rollins. The governor of Newfoundland in the Neon Countries is Darren Rollins Neon.

Because most worlds have their own international sporting events, the Commonwealth often fields several "national" teams in the same sport. Some recruit only from their own world; others recruit from across multiple worlds. It's very common for talented athletes from less developed worlds where there are not many international competitions to travel to more developed worlds where they have better career opportunities. The football team which represented New England in World Bowl 36 was recruited from a group of less developed worlds -- the Dark States, the Liberated Reich (a.k.a. Hitler States), the Wilderness, the Marxist States, the Noble States, the Rubble, the Coal States, the Slave States, the Roche States, the Rickshaw States, and the Puritan States -- with coaching staff, logistics, and equipment provided by sponsors from the Home States, the Carolingian States, the Black States, the Cricket States, and Acadie. The World Bowl program was designed to be a chance for players from less developed worlds to broaden their horizons and experience a more modern way of life, not to mention bringing home some money for their families. It was successful overall, but there have been a couple of small changes for World Bowl 37. Gabriel Langley will not be returned because he is now playing professional football in Black Newfoundland, and the players from the Slave States have all been replaced due to the number of racially offensive comments they made. Sponsors decided the Slave States are not yet ready for international contact. Instead, new players have been recruited from worlds where New England has not been annexed to the Commonwealth, but some New Englanders have been granted citizenship. These citizens occupy a weird legal limbo where they carry New England passports, but they live beyond the reach of Transmondian government services and they are outside the Commonwealth's electoral districts. Some of them have been added to the World Bowl team in an effort to help them become more integrated.

[West Phoenicia]

The West Phoenician War Dancers have scored their third victory in a row at the World Bowl XXXVII
When they come up against Amurbia defeating them 43-26 on their oppositions home turf. Amurbia nicknamed the Bloodhound have so far been their most fierce competition, DaQwoniyus Sharkley, one of their quarterbacks set the theme of the day, his first forward pass spiralled like a rocket in the air and impressed West Phoenician Gridiron coaching staff. With the rocket forward pass in the hands of their running back they were able to outmanuvere The War Dancers to score the first touchdown of the game.

The sound of the opposition's fans was enough to shake the War Dancers out of their hazy dream state, Marc Okinawa took control of the game and led the charge that kept the scoring in West Phoenician hands for most of the game.

The only hiccup for the War Dancers was Ryan Adopto, a half back for the team who stumbled just before half time suffering a knee injury when he was tackled to the ground, causing his left knee to bit the ground sharply. While he smiled and attempted to wave it off he was assisted off the field.

Team Coach Salvador Di Monti whose mind has been split between coaching at the World Bowl and dodging questions of his wife's drug arrest said The War Dancers have hit the ground running, he hopes they will keep up the same fire and spirit moving forward.

[Trans-Dniesters]

Приднестровская Гридиронная Суперлига
PRIDNESTROVIAN GRIDIRON SUPER LEAGUE
SEASON IV RECAP

Hello there, friends, comrades, and fellow fans in gridiron. The moment we have all been waiting for has finally arrived: the recap of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League is here! Yes, comrades and friends, you read that right: over the next seventeen days we will be going back in time and looking back at how this particular season of the PGSL has unfolded, and why things turned out the way they did. So sit back, ladies and gentlemen, and buckle up; we are in for one hell of a wild ride!

MATCHDAY ONE

Rheinburg Spartans         7  0  7  3  17
CSKA Tiraspol              7 10  7  7  31

Novonikolaysk Sharks       7  7  6  0  20
Kesselburger Kestrels      0  3  7  0  10

Vladikrav Red Death        3  3  0  3  9
Yeralenko Torpedoes        3  7  0  0  10

Lake Begorod Revolution    0  3  7  3  13
Macaresti Gladiators       7  0  3  0  10

Antakya Hawks              7 10  7  0  24
Dnistrolvovsk Bandits      0  3  7  7  17

Sheriff Tiraspol           0  0  7  0  7
Dinamo Bender              0  0  7  3  10

Admiral Novorossiysk       3  3  7 10  23
Bratsk Dolphins            0  3  0  0  3

Are you prepared for this new edition of our Season Recaps, comrades? That's right, instead of me just talking over the general talking points of each matchday before moving on to the next, I will get to discuss each and every single game in some detail! Of course, that is if they have any detail for me to talk about. If not, well, I'll find a way to pad things out, like I always do. And of course we are going to start out with the very first game of Season IV, the clash between the Rheinburg Spartans and CSKA Tiraspol. It's a repeat of Pridnestrovian Bowl III, which is probably why it got the primetime opening game slot. But anyway, on to the game itself. Now this was the game that we wish Pridnestrovian Bowl III was. Sure, the last-minute scores in the literal last minutes of the Bowl were exciting, but if I may be honest and blunt, I think I can safely say that me and quite likely the massive majority of the rest of the Pridnestrovian Republic preferred this game over the actual Pridnestrovian Bowl III. I can certainly say that I prefer this game because not only did it have excitement and scores, CSKA still wins in the end! You know how much I love CSKA. It was pretty much the perfect game for the Medvedev twins, with Andrey Nikitich racking up his first ever perfect passer rating and Demyan Nikitich scoring two out of CSKA's four touchdowns. New arrivals Rick Bitterman and Oleg Zelenenko also lit up the field, and as we will see through the rest of the season, they will play a very big part in CSKA's season. Remember those names for they will become real important later on.

Next things next, it's the Novonikolaysk Sharks versus the Kesselburger Kestrels; Cortez Amoroso versus Andrew Parker. It was a slugfest, if we're all being honest. Not much in the way of offense. Defense was very good though. In fact, the first score of that particular game was a defensive touchdown from Kulvir Kapai after a pick on the 30-yard line which he brought back into the end zone. Shame about the Sharks' last play in the third quarter though. If Terentiy Mazarevsky had been on the other end of that, they most certainly would have gotten a fresh set of downs and maybe even a touchdown. Instead Viktor Chubchenko bobbled and dropped the ball and they had to settle for a field goal instead. But Mazarevsky had his head turned by the Olistan Longhorns in Abanhfleft after his Season III heroics, and who says no to the Longhorns? No, really. Who says no to the Olistan Longhorns? *whispers* Andrey Nikitich Medvedev, that's who.

Vladikrav versus Yeralenko? Nothing much to talk about there, sadly. Maxine Stone as always carried her team's offense on her back, while the rest of both teams contented themselves with field goals. Vladikrav, oh, Vladikrav. If only you knew what lies ahead of you for this season, you all probably would not have played so conservatively. But that is hindsight for you. Everything is so clear with hindsight.

It's a first ever victory for the Lake Begorod Revolution in front of a packed 23 August Stadium, but in reality it was a bit of a dour affair. When the video of the full game doesn't really tell you much more about it than a ten-minute highlights clip then I would say that that's pretty boring. Denis Constantinescu's late heroics sealed the deal, but on the other hand Macaresti did a piss-poor job in this game. This was a game that they could very easily have won but as I have said numerous times before, when Anastas Yermolenko is not in the groove, he is not in the groove. His receivers couldn't back him up, simply because his passes aren't finding them. On the other hand, the Gladiators' ground game is on point; without Faina Drees they probably wouldn't even have made it on the scoreboard. I am honestly surprised that Drees is still with the Gladiators, and then I remembered that women's gridiron is not exactly that common in the rest of the multiverse. Oh well.

The expansion teams are 1-1 for this matchday as the Antakya Hawks defeated the Dnistrolvovsk Bandits. I will admit that Din Goyal was not really up to his standard here, but even then he was still able to pull off the win. Not that I am underestimating Dnistrolvovsk here. Sure, the Bandits didn't pick the best available players that they could in the expansion draft but it appears that they are putting together a team instead of a collection of individuals, and I can't fault them for that. But on this day, Din Goyal and company simply had the edge over them, even if Goyal himself didn't. But like I said, it's a team effort. If anything, it was the Hawks' receivers like Valerian Hynes and Amos Kidd who willed the team to victory. Especially that crazy one-handed catch from Hynes in the second quarter that turned a 4th and 1 situation on the 40-yard line into a touchdown. That was just one of those things that make you go "what the fuck?" and question life, the universe, and everything.

Sheriff Tiraspol. The first (and so far only) Pridnestrovian team to have won the International Champions' Bowl (and that was many, many moons ago) has fallen on hard times. And, depending to your point of view, losing to a Dinamo team that had just had their statistically worst season yet might just well be rubbing salt into the wound. Watching this game was a painful experience, even as a CSKA fan. Especially as a CSKA fan. I'm watching two of my team's deadly rivals knowing that one of them has to win according to the rules of the game and the league, and I feel that I am betraying what it means to be CSKA fan whenever I decide to root for Dinamo or Sheriff in that particular kind of game (whoever I feel is less of a threat to CSKA or can do more damage to CSKA's other rival). God, that felt dirty to even type. Excuse me while I wash my hands and cleanse myself of this filth.

And now finally, last but not the least, Admiral versus Bratsk. My opinions against Admiral notwithstanding (them being the Navy's Team as opposed to CSKA being the Army Team), I really like Stan Serban. You know that I've not been shy in calling him "Stan the Man" here and elsewhere, even when he and his team are busy kicking the crap out of CSKA. And you all know how much I like Kelly Profit. Chyort, I might even have a crush on her. Just don't let Lyudmila know about it. Anyway, there seems to be a bit of a trend in Season IV's matchday one with quarterbacks either performing really well or not at all. And it seems that very trend appeared in full force here in the Admiral versus Bratsk game, with Stan the Man basically putting on a throwing clinic with Kelly as both his audience and hapless student. Sadly enough for Bratsk, Kelly and company didn't seem to have learned anything at all because, simply put, this was one of her worst ever passer ratings (with the usual minimum ten attempts stipulation) ever in the league. Sad to see when you, like me, know that she's capable of much, much better.

And that does it for the first part of our recap of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League, comrades. Matchday two is set to bring us wonders, and there we will finally get to see the regular season table evolve. It is sure to be a fun ride. But until then, my friends, До свидания!

[Banija]

Pressure mounts on Alastair Jobs as the Banijans are stunned at home as defense allows worst ever 65 points in blowout loss to Velstrania


Velstrania's quarterback escapes from pressure in midst of 65-26 blowout victory

HERZEGOVINA CITY, MORAVICA- It is difficult to put in context for you, the average ABSM reader, to understand the magnitude of what happened at Mugisha II Memorial Stadium, without some context. So let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Where do the memories with the Serpent Eagles begin? There’s been some great ones- four semifinal runs, including one bronze medal, has seen build a lot of success over the years. While, of course, there is much that goes into those four semifinal losses, it kind of create an adverse feeling – that the team perpetually isn’t good enough. However, that isn’t the case, generally speaking, Even at World Bowl 36, in Ko-oren, we’ll have a play that lives in the hearts of Banijan gridiron fans forever, when they went for two against the hosts with less than 10 seconds remaining, to triumph in that quarterfinal and have a miracle run to the semifinals of the sport’s most prestigious tournament. Moments of joy, moments of ecstasy, those are the moments you live for with this game.

And then, of course, there’s been some painful ones. Those four semifinal losses, naturally, come to mind. But let’s rewind the clock further than that, before the semifinal curse, and apparently, the host nation curse(the joys of World Bowl 34, eh?), were placed upon this football team. But we’re going all the way back to the very beginning. No, of course we aren’t going back to the very beginning. We’re going back to our beginnings, as a team, in World Bowl competition. We could talk about various Commonwealth Games exploits, but nobody wants to read about that. No- we’re going to talk about World Bowl 27. Of course, almost nobody brings this up when we talk about the story of this team.

But the introduction of this team to the global stage is very similar to the introduction of the Kadongo Kamu, the national soccer team, to the global stage. We all know how that went- the 73rd World Cup cycle saw the national team lose 14 games in a row, earning a lone point in the Baptism of Fire. The worst start of all time, wasn’t it? And yet, look at the parallels to the World Bowl 27 squad. That squad went 0-10 in their first ever World Bowl. It was so bad, that we can’t even find records of the coaches or the players who participated in that tournament. WE went to look through the scores of those games, and trust us- don’t do it yourselves. It’s not pretty.

We wanted to see- when was the last time that the Serpent Eagles lost that badly? Have we ever? Well, the answer is. The Free Republics gave us historic beatings in World Bowl 27- and twice in that tournament, did we have loss margins over the 39 points that we were beaten by in front of tens of thousands of Banijan fans at Mugisha II. To lose like that, at home? That is not only the worst home loss, that is the worst loss, straight up, the Serpent Eagles have had since the Free Republics beat us by a score of 68-7, at the old Stadium of the Restoration, in Busukuma. Of course, there were marked differences between those games. For one, the Banijans weren’t coming off of a semifinal appearance. And secondly, it was the first time we had ever participated in World Bowl competition. So that team could be cut some slack, eh?

There is no excuse to hide under, nothing to say after this loss, no words for the looks of astonishment on fans faces, no even remotely valid criticism of Banijan fans leaving early- even the most die hard members of the Serpent Eagles faithful were hightailing it out of here. The small smattering of Velstranians who were in the crowd(they’re quite hard to miss, those 8 footers) were the only ones left in the stadium about midway through the fourth quarter. And as they played into the night in a basically empty stadium, on what was, certainly, has to take place as the darkest day in the history of the Banijan national gridiron team, the energy seemed sucked out of this team. Of course, one bright spot can be taken out of this game- they didn’t quit.

How much good that does, eh? The spirit of a football team, and of course, there is still plenty of time to recover from this loss- but this an abject and terrible performance. To be quite honest, I, as a writer, don’t have the heart to go through a detailed game summary, but it went a little like this. The first drive was excellent. Their kick returner was tackled at the 15 yard line, setting up with terrible field position to start the game. And then, after a crowd noise induced false start, a massive 10 yard sack put them back into their own end zone, and they had a safety. It was an early 2-0 start for the Serpent Eagles, many of whom called this a must win(again, the irony).

And from that point forward, it was disastrous. Velstrania’s defense had a pick six against Jawara the very first play of the ensuing possession, and they were dominant on both sides of the football for the rest of the first half. They had 6 more possesions in the first half, and all of them ended in scores- 4 more touchdowns, plus a pair of field goals. The game’s score at halftime was 41-2, in favor of Velstrania. The Banijans, known for their talented offense, did not get a single first down in the first half. It is the singular worst performance of all time by a Serpent Eagles side, relative to expectations(you’re off the hook, WB 37 squad!), and the final score of the game was 65-26. It was the 2nd most they had ever allowed in a single game, three points less than the 68 they allowed in World Bowl 27.

Nobody minced their words here- nor should they have. Alastair Jobs said it best himself. “This was an ass-kicking- simple as that.” And he’s right. Heck, we’ll probably get fined by the Journalistic standards board for even printing that, but at this point, who cares? I’m pissed. The editor’s pissed. Every fan of this team is either angry, or disgusted. Who isn’t mad? This next game will say a whole heck of a lot about who Alastair Jobs is as a coach, and who this team is. Considering the way that we got the game handed to us by Velstrania up here in Herzegovina, we can’t expect much more at the Stadium of the Restoration, playing the group’s undefeated and undisputed leaders Drawkland, as the Grid Corps are cruising at 3-0.

The opponent being who it is, fans will turn out. Do we belong in League A? Are we part of that upper echelon of teams that we have always claimed to be in? Frankly, this team looks like Grade A frauds right now, and it would be hard to dispute that. A lot will be inferred from how this team handles that defeat. Will they simply roll over, accept their fate of an embarrassing relegation from League A, and try to fight it out in League B? Or will they play with pride and fearlessness, and try to get a win against their rivals, Drawkland? Will Alastair Jobs get his stuff together, or will it be yet another loss, and falling to an embarrassing 0-4?

Another home loss would not be good. 0-4 would be catastrophic for this team’s chances to stay up in League A. Another home blowout loss? Well, the chances of Alastairs Jobs getting to coach at the field named after him would be slim. Heads would most certainly roll. Tune in on public television to see if Banija can get its first win of what has so far been a frustrating World Bowl campaign, against Drawkland down in the nation’s capitol.

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale wins home opener!

Ville Jacques-Cartier, D.C. - For their home opener, Terre Septentrionale received Greater Liverpool at Superdôme Mercedes-Belzile in the capital city of Ville Jacques-Cartier. Famous local rock singer Plume Charlebois sang the Septentrional national anthem. Greater Liverpool won the coin toss and choose to receive the ball first but they didn't score on their opening drive. Midway in the 1st quarter, the Nordiques had the ball at Liverpool's 2 yards line on a 1st and goal. Montavious McBryde ran to the endzone for a touchdown and the score was 7-0 Terre Septentrionale. Early in the 2nd quarter, terre Septentrionale is stopped at Liverpool's 46 yards line and had to punt. The punt by Hayden Logan is perfect and Liverpool has to start at their own 3 yards line. On a 2nd and 9, Quarterback #1 gets the ball and before he can throw it, he's sacked in the endzone by Nick Knox for two points. 9-0 Terre Septentrionale. On the following drive, the Reprezentacja Nordycki gets to the 28 yards line in Liverppol territory but are stopped on the 3rd down. They bring the field goal unit onto the field and Crockett Burkhead's 45 yards kick is good. 12-0 Terre Septentrionale and this is the score at the halftime.

During the halftime, local punk rock band Les Vulgaires Accords performed live and it was a great show. Terre Septentrionale received the ball to start the 3rd quarter but had to punt at the end of the drive. On the foollowing drive, Liverpool had the ball at Terre Septentrionale's 18 yards line and Quarterback #1 passed the ball into the endzone to Wide Receiver #2 for a touchdown. Liverpool went for two points but the conversion failed. 12-6 Northmen. midway in the 4th quarter, Liverpool had the ball at their own 42 yards line.Quarterback #1 throws the ball, but it's deflected up in the air by defensive end Kane VanderHeiden, Stanislaw Strzelczyk catches the ball and runs all the way to the endzone for a pick six! The score is now 19-6 for Terre Septentrionale and this is the final score!

Terre Septentrionale    7   5   0   7  -  19
Greater Liverpool       0   0   6   0  -   6

BOXSCORE

1ST QUARTER
6:38 - Touchdown by Montavious McBryde (2 yards run). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

2ND QUARTER
13:17 - Safety by Nick Knox.
11:01 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (45 yards).

3RD QUARTER
9:30 - Touchdown by Wide Receiver #2 (18 yards pass from Quarterback #1). Extra Point failed.

4TH QUARTER
7:53 - Touchdown by Stanislaw Strzelczyk (48 yards interception return). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

Back to back games against Greater Liverpool

Terre Septentrionale beat their closest opponent, Greater Liverpool, and is now alone in the 1st place of the standings with 3 wins in 3 games. Our next opponent is Greater Liverpool again, but on the road. This game should be determining in Zalaba II Group standings. If the Nordiques wins, they're almost certain to win the group. But if we lose, then anyone can still win it. Jarius Floyd suppefed a hand injury against Greater Liverpool and will miss the remainder of Phase 1.

Logan McPhee,
La trbune septentrionale

[Torisakia]

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we began earlier in the week. Previously, we talked about mathday two of the tournament and Torisakia's 26-12 win over Geektopia. Today we'll be covering the third matchday of the tournament, looking at Torisakia's game against Cassadaigua and other happenings from around the tournament as we have reached the halfway point of phase 1.

The Troutwood Bowl was packed to its 90,800 seating capacity last night as undefeated Torisakia took on undefeated Cassadaigua in matchday three of World Bowl 37. Despite the urban legends of national teams and full moons, Torisakia won handily 34-17 as they dominated in every aspect of the game. They never trailed during the game and led by as many as 24 points. The offense played a fantastic game, mostly on the ground. Aaron Spady threw a touchdown pass early in the first quarter and for over 100 yards. But Michael Prickett stole the show with over 210 yards on the ground and two touchdowns. Definitely a great example of what our offense is capable of. The ball was spread around decently well, five different receivers catching passes and Prickett and Sharkey doing most of the running. But still a good overall showcase by our offense.

Box Score	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	Final
Cassadaigua (2-1)	0	7	3	7	17
Torisakia (3-0)	10	3	14	7	34

Looking at the box score, we definitely did a lot better the whole game rather than only having a good first or second half performance. We played consistently and effectively, especially the defense. Giving up two touchdowns isn't the best, but given that one of them came in garbage time when Torisakia had already put the game away, it's hard to complain. We were able to force three turnovers and one of them was a 31 yard interception return by Rodney McFarlane. However that was the only turnover we scored off of. The other two led to a missed field goal and a three-and-out. It's great that we can force turnovers; but, we need to get something out of them, preferably touchdowns. We're essentially wasting a free possession by not converting turnovers into points, an issue that previous installments of the national team have had. Hopefully it won't become a trend for the duration of the tournament. On the bright side, this pick six is now the second non-offensive touchdown for Torisakia of this World Bowl. It's a relief to have defensive backs that can intercept the ball and take off for a score rather than just falling down right when they get the pick. It creates much more havoc for the other team that not only do they have to stop our offense, they have to stop a potential score by our defense should they throw an interception or fumble the ball.

GAME SUMMARY OF CASSADAIGUA VS. TORISAKIA

1st QUARTER
10:56 TOR - 24 yard pass from A. Spady to  C. Bolden (DeBerry PAT)
7:49 TOR - 41 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
END OF 1ST Cassadaigua: 0 Torisakia: 10

2nd QUARTER
6:09 CAS - 2 yard run by R. Donovan (B. Collins PAT)
0:00 TOR - 38 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
END OF 2ND Cassadaigua: 7 Torisakia: 13

3rd QUARTER
12:43 CAS - 37 yard field goal by B. Collins
7:12 TOR - 62 yard run by M. Prickett (DeBerry PAT)
6:56 TOR - 31 yard interception return by R. McFarlane (DeBerry PAT)
END OF 3RD Cassadaigua: 10 Torisakia: 27

4th QUARTER
11:59 TOR - 28 yard run by M. Prickett
1:17 CAS - 22 yard pass from E. Flynn to A. Lepage (B. Collins PAT)
END OF 4TH Cassadaigua: 17 Torisakia: 34

It's safe to say that Michael Prickett was the MVP of this game. Performances like these are why he's won two Hyperbowl championships and is one of the best running backs Tokai has had in recent years. His 62 yard touchdown run in the middle of the third quarter really shifted the momentum our way. Even more so when just a few plays later Rodney McFarlane got his pick six. The Troutwood Bowl was the loudest it had been since the Hyperbowl celebration a few months ago. The home crowd definitely played a factor tonight as it was hard for Cassadaigua to get plays called in due to the noise. Despite this, they still played really hard and given that most of their players are female they took some pretty big hits and got right back up. It's no wonder why they're two time World Bowl champions. With their fight and grit it's a wonder how anyone else will be able to beat them throughout this tournament (besides us of course). I do have to give a shoutout to Cassadaigua's secondary. They have a great pass defense as our receivers had almost no room to catch the ball. Their pass rush is tenacious. Spady was running for his life most of the game and still got sacked 5 times. But games like these allow us to showcase other parts of our offense and prove that all of our scoring doesn't come just through the air. It might be time for us to move to a spread style offense rather than the west coast pro style we've been running for the last few years.

Torisakia now moves to 3-0 in the Mugisha III group and plays Cassadaigua once again as the schedule is now reverse, but this time we're on the road at Dagan Airways Stadium in Cassadaigua. A crowd of 78,000 will be tough to deal with, but with the experience our roster has I doubt it will be an issue. I don't know if there's going to be a full moon tomorrow or not, but that urban legend should be buried and gone considering how well we played last night under a full moon. "Torisakia doesn't play well under a full moon". Hah! What a bunch of hogwash. Those people are a bunch of wiseacres.

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Cassadaigua matchup and preview the next matchup as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups. Take care and never fall asleep in your tub!

[Ranoria]

[b]McNair, Ranorian Team Stun Xanneria In The Fourth Quarter/b]

Things were looking rough for the 0-2 Ranorian national squad for three quarters, as they looked to be routed at 26-16. The offense was once again producing numbers that, while not terrible, weren’t strong by any stretch, and the defense was once again hemorrhaging points. A defensive unit that essentially featured three starting caliber players was on its heels, but Xanneria slipped once they started to try and hammer the ball down this team’s throat.

Int he passing game, it was simple . Avoid Alexander von Arris and go deep to get past playmaking linebacker Jakeem Butler. Meanwhile, a stagnant pass rush couldn’t do much to stop it. But in the run game, with Ross Monarch a wall in the middle, getting the ball back was a simpler matter.

So with the ball in the early stages of the fourth, Derek McNair orchestrated a dominant, clutch drive to get his team back in the football game. He hit all six of his pass attempts on the drive, one of which went into the hands of wideout Ricardo Jackson in the end zone. The play was brilliant, and one that shifted the momentum ever so slightly back in their favor.

Derek McNair had a solid outing, going 21/29 and hitting 303 yard with a pair of scores

But the other side of the ball had to hold up their bargain. Xanneria managed to move the ball a bit this time, sticking to quick, safe passes to gain yardage while Monarch was left virtually helpless. Slants and outside screens were outside of his verdict.

Oddly enough, they managed to burn all three of Ranoria’s time outs on the drive, as the defense just wasn’t strong enough to account for its star players being worked around. And on the thirty, with just five minutes to play, it appeared to be over. But Xanneria finally slipped.

Their quarterback dropped back and fired a curl to the left side of the field, one that looked wide open, but Alexander von Arris, who hadn’t been targeted all game, had been baiting him, playing off despite the quick passes, and came down like a runaway freight train. The corner put every ounce of his 218 pound frame into a hammer blow to knock the ball out, and then quickly scrambled to his feet and scooped it right up.

After that, no one was catching him.

Von Arris, one of the best players in Ranorian football, arms outstretched in jubilation, waltzed into the end zone to take the lead on a forced fumble returned for a touchdown. There were still just over four minutes left to play, but all the momentum seemed to be in the Ranorian squad’s favor, and it was. The following drive, aging veteran Justin Kearse finally came through on a deep pass, stripping the Xannerian passer and securing he win with his first sack of the World Bowl campaign.

The team ran out the clock and celebrated a hard fought win, one that gets them up to 1-2. While the record itself is dismal, they do control their own destiny, and if they can keep up this kind of momentum, it wouldn’t be surprising to see them make a deep run. Impressive, really, for a group of castoffs littered with star playmakers.

[Banija]

When I was... A young boy.. My father... Took me into the city! To see a marching band...

He said son when.. You grew up... Will you be.. the savior of the broken? The beaten and the damned?

He said will you... Defeat them... Your demons? And all the non-believers? The plans that they have made?

Because one day... I'll leave you... A cutoff... To leave you in the summer... To join the black parade!

League A

Kabonero III Group
Main Nation Ministry 31–3 Velstrania
Banija 41–35 Drawkland

Kabonero III Group       Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland               4    3   1   125  100  +25
2 Main Nation Ministry    4    2   2    94   98   −4
3 Velstrania              4    2   2   119   94  +25
4 Banija                  4    1   3    93  139  −46

Kizza I Group
Free Republics 23–17 Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Abanhfleft 20–43 Taeshan

Kizza I Group               Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Taeshan                    4    3   1    93   55  +38
2 Free Republics             4    3   1    88   67  +21
3 Abanhfleft                 4    1   3    87  118  −31
4 Royal Kingdom of Quebec    4    1   3    63   91  −28

Rokani Group
Pridnestrovia 15–9 Cosumar
Ko-oren 19–13 Newmanistan

Rokani Group             Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Ko-oren                 4    3   1    60   64   −4
2 Pridnestrovia           4    2   2    81   88   −7
3 Cosumar                 4    2   2   116   93  +23
4 Newmanistan             4    1   3    73   85  −12

League B

Green means team has clinched promotion to League A for Phase 2

Ruhakana Group
Bongo Johnson 21–17 Northwest Kalactin
New England 13–13 Allamunnic States (19–13 OT)

Ruhakana Group           Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 New England             4    4   0   166   91  +75
2 Allamunnic States       4    2   2   119   98  +21
3 Northwest Kalactin      4    1   3    92  108  −16
4 Bongo Johnson           4    1   3    61  141  −80

Akena III Group
Anthor 17–27 South Covello
Greater Nordics 29–17 United States of Devonta

Akena III Group              Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 United States of Devonta    4    3   1   101   83  +18
2 South Covello               4    2   2    95  101   −6
3 Greater Nordics             4    2   2    89   82   +7
4 Anthor                      4    1   3    86  105  −19

Bategeka Group
Vangaziland 24–10 Xanneria
Ranoria 19–13 Equestrian States

Bategeka Group           Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Vangaziland             4    4   0   126   61  +65
2 Ranoria                 4    2   2    93  110  −17
3 Xanneria                4    1   3    55   98  −43
4 Equestrian States       4    1   3    75   80   −5

League C

Mugisha III Group
Cassadaigua 41–17 Geektopia
Shatla 17–57 Torisakia

Mugisha III Group        Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Torisakia               4    4   0   147   63  +84
2 Cassadaigua             4    3   1   114   71  +43
3 Geektopia               4    1   3    82  103  −21
4 Shatla                  4    0   4    44  150 −106

Albert III Group
Lavize 10–38 West Phoenicia
Amurbia 43–7 Kandonica

Albert III Group         Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 West Phoenicia          4    4   0   176   53 +123
2 Amurbia                 4    2   2   131   87  +44
3 Kandonica               4    1   3    67  177 −110
4 Lavize                  4    1   3    67  124  −57

Zalaba II Group
Greater Vakolicci Haven 36–12 Greater Liverpool
Terre Septentrionale 30–9 Tornado Queendom

Zalaba II Group             Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Terre Septentrionale       4    4   0    92   38  +54
2 Greater Liverpool          4    2   2    78   86   −8
3 Tornado Queendom           4    1   3    57  102  −45
4 Greater Vakolicci Haven    4    1   3   103  104   −1

[Main Nation Ministry]

Deathrun: The Ones Who Leave The Gene Pool

(Note: The following description of "explosive playing cards" is actually based on a real-life story of a suicide of an inmate in 1930. The ink in red playing cards back then contained nitrocellulose, which when wet creates an explosive mixture. The inmate managed to know this and created a small pipe bomb with resources in his cell. Some prisoners IC will attempt to do the same to escape, however.. nitrocellulose is no longer in playing cards. What ends up happening is obvious. And somewhat cruel results.)

Believe it or not, some prisoners think they can actually escape from Holmesburg, despite it being completely impossible. Yet, people don't listen at all. There was one incident, where a prisoner was allowed to have some gifts for good behavior. A pair of roller skates were brought to him. Guards and security checked the items. Nothing inside. No drugs to overdose from. Wheels that can't be used as a weapon. Nothing special. Until he decided to use his skates to pickpocket a guard at a fast speed. It didn't work out, as after you get tasered with a stun gun that acts as a cattle prod, you can guarantee the electricity soaring in his veins was much painful than the trip in the hole.

Then, came the story of the time where in the prison yard, the guards were driving around in dune buggies with weapons attached to them. You can imagine that some prisoners managed to get in the driver's side and drive straight through the fence. Minutes later, there was an explosion outside of the prison. When the guards came to check, they found the bodies of two prisoners. The ones who hijacked the buggy. After they got away from the prison yard, they drove over a landmine that was surrounding the prison. One of them went flying and broke half of their bones. One of them were still lodged in the burning wreckage.

Now in a current day, where Hoffman and Brandon spent several days settling in, the current escape attempt was unusual. Playing cards. "Hurry up, damnit! They don't know what we're doing! If the guards come, pretend we're doing arts and crafts." a prisoner was helping his bunkmate to make a homemade pipebomb out of a small pipe that one of them got while working hard labor in the workshop. "So you're sure you know this will work?" "I heard the stories. They should still have in the ink! All I need to do is rip up these cards, stuff them in here.." the prisoner working on the bomb went to the sink to fill it up water. "And we just throw it at the door!" the prisoner remarked, as he tossed it over to the plastic wall. The two prisoners backed up to the corner of the cell, waiting for something to go off. Where they waited...

And waited...

And waited...

"Uhhhh, I just realized something.."
"What?"
"Our cell has a camera. You realize they should be here to bust our ass?"
"..?"
"Wait.."

Confused, one of them went to the bomb to examine it. Then, a sudden realization occurred. "You dumbass! They already know that it's a dud!" With fists clenched, he already dogpiled his idiotic bunkmate, knowing that his time has been wasted. As the bunkmate was trying to wrestle his way from his would-be assailant with another charge to hang on his neck, there was a small laugh coming from behind the plastic wall. There, they looked to see someone they wouldn't expect to see.

"Holy shit! It's him!" the one who was getting strangled let out, as the Leader was watching the two fight. "You two honestly were trying to make a bomb? Please? At best, you could have used sugar." The Leader remarked, as he examined the holes on the plastic walls. "Look a little large enough to slip an actual pipe bomb in. It wouldn't be enough to take out the door, but enough to obliterate everyone in this cell." "You motherfucker! Let us out!" one of them ran up to where the holes were and tried to stick their hands through to strangle the Leader, but to no avail. "Let you out? I could, but I already want to make some announcements. I just look for the intercom, so I can say something im-" the Leader stopped, when the prisoner started to close his mouth and make several sounds. Unpleasant ones, which made the Leader confused, until the prisoner spat out a glob of phlegm that made it through the hole and onto on the Leader's shoes.

The sudden moment of silence and dread that was building up was considerable, as the other prisoner immediately tried to hide under the bed, because he knew that he was going to die horribly. The Leader looked at the prisoner with shock, at first until his expression turned into that of concealed anger. Then, along with some soldiers that were standing next to him, who reacted in pure horror, walked away from the cell in a midst of silence. All that was left was the prisoners to pander on what just happened. "What did you just do!?" the prisoner who was still under the bed was wondering, if the Leader was going to come back. "He can't kill us. We're already behind bars to not get harmed."
"You don't get it! He's the Leader! He has power over everyone! He's the one that makes sure that people he doesn't like dies horribly!"
"And what is he going to do with us?"

Suddenly, there was a knock on the wall behind them, where a soldier had a small cylinder-like metal device in his hands. "The Leader took me that I'm fulfilling your objective that you have established." he said, as he pressed down on the top of the device, which started to beep rapidly, before he slipped it through one of the holes in the plastic wall. "Wait n-" the prisoner's words were immediately silence, as a small explosion rocked the whole cell block. Brandon and Hoffman were forced awake, as they heard the explosion from a distance on the other side of the hall. "I'm not even on death row and I'm already terrified." Hoffman said to Brandon, knowing that both of them were still screwed.

---

"Our prison!? Overpopulated!?" the prison warden Joshau Silversti said in his office, as the Leader was having his shoe be polished by a soldier. "You do realize there is a perfect reason for this, right?" the Leader told him. "How many demons are in Main Nation Ministry? If there's an overpopulation issue, enforce some border laws!"
"No, Mr. Silversti. I want to take care of some of our prisons. Holmesburg being one of them. Our birth rate has been increasing a bit. And the death rate has been a bit low."
"How low?"
"By a 1% decrease. People breed like rabbits, you know."
"So what's that plan you want to establish?"
"Well, there is something that can entertain both the public and cause an event that wouldn't make me look bad. By eliminating the ones who can be easy revived in hell, since we gotta keep control of the innocent ones who come down from there, we can force upon the crime-free utopia to those who think it's funny that we're authoritarian."
"And how are you going to do that?"
"We're going to make a death course."

"A death course?"
"We just have some construction to add some new security measures into the prison. Have the cameras broadcast what happens from inside. And we can pick out the smart and innocent ones from the rat's nest."
"Ok, but how are you going to get people to go on your death course?" Silversti asked, where the Leader replied with a solution, which made Silversti thought he was crazy.

"I'm going to offer them freedom for any crime that they have committed."
"WHAT?!"
"No sin greater or less. If they managed to escape the prison alive, they are allowed to return to the nation as model citizens."
"No! I refuse! You cannot-" Silversti said, where suddenly the Leader starts to show some annoyance at Silversti.

"Silversti. I'm bored. They are going to kill each other trying to escape. Now, let my men install some stuff and we can go home and listen to some idiotic chick's trash music. Ok?" The Leader said to Silversti, where he immediately nodded.

And thus, it was official. The construction for the Deathrun began.

[Velstrania]

Official communication from the Free and Holy Velsturman nation, the abode of freedom, defenders of the light
Addressee: Main Nation Ministry
Security level: Medium

---

Dear sir or madame,
I am writing to inform you of the fact that you are currently holding a respected citizen of Velstrania hostage. Kierlaun nos Amertiel was last spotted in the custody of some of your 'security' personelle, and we have every reason to believe he is still being held hostage, possibly for a 'crime' in your nation.
I will make it very clear that having sent several similar messages to yourselves concerning this citizen, Velstrania's patience is wearing rather thin. Our tollerence, which is called into question once our patience has been exhausted, is minimal at best: you have precisely one option that strikes me as intelligent.

Return the aforementioned citizen to Velstrania or an embassy of Velstrania, many of which are located around the world. Failure to comply with this very reasonable request will result in Velsturman agents going around your nation looking for him; we break things when we have to go looking, it simply can't be helped. If you have any love for your security staff, release this man to Velstrania's custody, and no more shall be said about it.

- Eltaries nos Uutmarkan,
Under-secretary of state at the Foreign Relations Ministry,
Velstrania

[Trans-Dniesters]

Приднестровская Гридиронная Суперлига
PRIDNESTROVIA AT THE WORLD BOWL
WORLD BOWL XXXVII PHASE 1 RECAP

Hello there, friends, comrades, and fellow fans in gridiron. For today, we will be taking a break from the PGSL and casting a critical eye over Pridnestrovia's first three days in the current World Bowl, World Bowl XXXVII. Now remember, this is the World Bowl after our World Bowl triumph, so we are the defending champions and therefore have a massive target on our backs. We are the team that everyone wants to beat, and we are in no way helped by the fact that we went through the entirety of the previous World Bowl without a single defeat. Will we be able to keep up that admittedly enviable record throughout this World Bowl, and will we be able to defend our title? Or will someone else come to dethrone us and leave us licking our wounds waiting for the next time? Let's find out.

World Bowl XXXVII Special!: League A Matchdays One, Two, and Three

Cosumar          7 10 10 10  37
Pridnestrovia   10 10 14 10  44

Pridnestrovia    0  0  3  3  6
Ko-oren          3  7  0  0  10

Newmanistan     10  6  7  9  32
Pridnestrovia    3  3  3  7  16

This World Bowl is a little bit different from all of the other World Bowls that Pridnestrovia has participated in for some time. Instead of a single group stage with a large number of groups and a large number of nations within each group, host Banija has split up the participants into three "leagues", each with three groups in them, and each group in each league has four teams. As the defending World Bowl champions and the top-ranked gridiron team overall in the multiverse, Pridnestrovia was automatically assigned to League A and placed in Group 3, aka the Rokani Group, named after an old Banijan monarch. The monarch is of little importance to us because we are playing gridiron, not taking a Banijan history exam. Anyway, Pridnestrovia was drawn into the Rokani Group with the likes of Cosumar, Ko-oren, and Newmanistan. All very great gridiron nations with great gridiron traditions. This is going to be a tough one. To survive in this group will be a testament to our strength and grit.

As you can see, Pridnestrovia has not had a good time playing alongside nations with aforementioned great histories in gridiron. We got lucky against Cosumar, that's for sure. But what an insane match that was! It was pretty much both teams exchanging score for score. Do you ever have a feeling during a game in which both teams are scoring seemingly at will that that game will very likely depend on who gets either the first stop or the last possession? This first game against Cosumar most definitely felt like it. It helped though that we had the upper hand by having the first possession, and I guess everything just went downhill, or uphill or wherever, from there.

But if I understand the idiom correctly, things truly did go downhill for the Red Army after their heartstopping victory over the Azure Dragons. First of all, the Dragonflies of Ko-oren. They're a very defensive team. As in super-duper-uber-ultra-defensive. And it appears that the Red Army was not that ready to deal with such a team yet. I cannot count on two hands the number of times that Stan Serban got sacked in this game; it was just that stifling. Even I felt like I couldn't breath the whole time I was watching that game. I remember having to go out of the apartment to walk around the block after that game just to release the tension as well as my own imaginary choking sensation. Now that I remember that game once again I can feel the vice closing in around my neck once again...

Sorry about that. Had to step out once again to clear my head and neck. So who were up against on day three again? Oh, yeah. Newmanistan; the Rockets. Now that game, we were just unfortunate. Just real unfortunate. The Rockets claim that they've lost some extremely important personnel in their defense following a huge turnover from last tournament, but judging by the way they played, that might as well be a lie. Stan the Man got sacked more than a couple of times in this game once again; and I've heard that there is some very real talk that Andrey Nikitich Medvedev might get the nod over him in the next couple of games, and depending on how those turn out, maybe Andrey Nikitich might even be given the starting spot as well. I don't know. Nobody knows. It's all very much success-dependent. If Andrey Nikitich doesn't do well in the next three games then I'm sure Stan Serban will get his starting spot back in time for the next stage of the World Bowl. But really, now. All I want to see is our team winning again. To quote some of my friends from Gaelic Gamers (shameless plug, I know!): "Is that really too much to ask?"

But that's it for me for this edition of Pridnestrovia at the World Bowl. Tomorrow, it's back to regular programming, as they say, as we return to our recap of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League. Until then though, my friends and comrades, До свидания.

[West Phoenicia]

The West Phoenician War Dancers continue to shine at the World Bowl XXXVII moving into their fourth straight win.

The War Dancers took to the field on Lavize where they were expected to meet some heavy resistance as they were now on their opponents home turf. But any fears were short lived as the War Dancers beat the opposition 38 to 10.

" The team has had some struggles over the years, but the right coaching staff was hired to stop them into shape. They are playing some great ball, and it's not just the offensive. Alot of my praise
Today goes out to our defensive line who have not caved under pressure but have remained strong, they are the foundation of the team. Takes a special skill to stop the opposition offensive in their tracks." Coach Salvador Di Monti said during a post game interview with the West Phoenician press. All the press were respectful excluding gossip columnist Norma Mansfield who was removed from asking questions about the coach's wife, the scandal has opened up a can of worms where his wife has threatened to name names if the problem did not go away.

Salvador Di Monti was not having any gossip ruin his good mood, 4 straight wins and were on the path to be moved up to League B. That is where the real action will start to unfold as they start playing against ranked teams as opposed to unranked teams like themselves. With two more games to play it's a guarantee they will move up but they will continue to play like each game matters and not rest on their laurels.

War Dancers players have called out to fans to come out and support them as they move into their fifth game which will be played against Kandonica.

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale wins again

Shelburne, Shelburne Township - For the 1st game of the 2nd leg, Terre Septentrionale received Tornado Queendom and their "more adult product" at the Hotshot Stadium at the Bay in Shelburne. The weather was 4°Celsius (39°Fahrenheit) with rain. Tornado Queendom cheerleaders were wearing almost nothing upon their arrival at the Hotshot Stadium and were given unicorn, panda and dog costumes for them not to catch cold. Tornado Queendom won the normal coin toss and choose to kick. On their first drive, Terre Septentrionale was stopped at Tornado Queendom 5 yards line and succesfully made a 22 yards field goal to take a 3-0 lead. Tornado Queedom tied the game 3 minutes later with a 46 yards field goal and it was 3-3. The Nordiques made a touchdown just before the end of the 1st half when Jennifer Killebrew caught Haylie Woo's pass in the end zone and the score was 10-3 Terre Septentrionale. Midway in the 2nd quarter, Anonymous pass intended to Anonymous was intercepted by Kareem Johnson who returned the ball to Tornado Queendom 22 yards line. On a 1st and 10, Haylie Woo passed in the end zone to Demetrius Thomas-Jackson for a touchdown and the score was 17-3 Terre Septentrionale. The 2nd quarter ended with that score.

Local classic rock band Corbach performed their biggest hits at the halftime. Tornado Queendom started with the ball first and punted the ball after 3 plays. Terre Septentrionale followed with a 33 yards field goal and it was 20-3 Reprezentacja Nordycki. Terre Septentrionale scored again before the end of the 3rd quarter when Montavious McBryde ran into the end zone for a 7 yards rushing touchdown and the score was 27-3 Terre Septentrionale. On the following drive, Tornado Queendom scored a touchdown when Anonymous passed in the end zone to Anonymous. Tornado Queendom attempted a two points conversion, cuz you know, they only need 3 touchdowns with a two points conversion each to tie the game. But they failed the two points conversion and the score was 27-9 Northmen. Terre Septentrionale made a 41 yards field goal before the end of the game and the final score was 30-9 Nordiques.

Terre Septentrionale   10   7  10   3  -  30
Tornado Queendom        3   0   0   6  -   9

BOXSCORE

1ST QUARTER
10:39 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (22 yards).
7:31 - Field Goal by Anonymous (46 yards).
2:58 - Touchdown by Jennifer Killebrew (15 yards pass from Haylie Woo). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

2ND QUARTER
6:48 - Touchdown by Demetrius Thomas-Jackson (22 yards pass from Haylie Woo). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

3RD QUARTER
9:43 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (33 yards).
3:36 - Touchdown by Montavious McBryde (7 yards run). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

4TH QUARTER
14:47 - Touchdown by Anonymous (12 yards pass from Anonymous). 2 points conversion (Anonymous pass to Anonymous) failed.
4:15 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (41 yards).

Still lossless

Terre Septentrionale won 4 games in 4 and are still in first place in Zalaba II Group. With Greater Vakolicci Haven beating Greater Liverpool, the Reprezentacja Nordycki is almost sure to finish first on Zalaba II group. All we need to do is to win one of the next two remaining games. On matchday 5, Terre Septentrionale will receive Greater Vakolicci Haven in Krzczonow and they'll travel to Greater Liverpool for matchday 6. Nehemiah Charles is questionable with a foot injury and Jarius Floyd is still out with a hand injury.

Logan McPhee,
La tribune septentrionale

[Torisakia]

Before we begin, yes I know I said we were playing Cassadaigua again for matchday four. Yes I know I was wrong and I got the schedule messed up. Quit sending me emails about it. Quit calling the studio and leaving threatening voicemails about it. The police are on standby for the next person who does it.

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we began earlier in the week. Previously, we talked about mathday two of the tournament and Torisakia's 34-17 win over Cassadaigua. Today we'll be covering the fourth matchday of the tournament, looking at Torisakia's second meeting against Cassadaigua Shatla and other happenings from around the tournament as we're closing in on the end of phase 1.

Torisakia played Shatla last night in the second meeting between the two in World Bowl 37, with Torisakia winning the first matchup 30-17. This time the meeting was played at Shatla to a crowd of people who were strange and unfamiliar to us. For instance, there were some guys there who were wearing giant foam middle fingers on their heads. There was also a guy who was getting up every 15 or 20 minutes to eat ice cream and apple pie. And one man had an unquenchable thirst for energy. But we're not here to talk about Shatla's fan, we're here to talk about the game. It possibly the best offensive performance of World Bowl 37 so far, Torisakia blew out Shatla by a score of 57-17. The Ice Birds' offense could not be stopped and their defense would never break. Torisakia had over 600 yards of total offense and gave up only 112. Nothing could stop Torisakia as it seemed they were destined to win.

Box Score	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	Final
Torisakia (4-0)	16	24	10	7	57
Shatla (0-4)	0	0	10	7	17

At first glance, it may seem like Torisakia let up in the second half by giving up 17 points and only scoring 17. However that was mostly due to them play conservatively. Torisakia was already up 40-0 at halftime and pretty much had the game won. So there was no point in continuing to run up the score or play extreme lockdown defense. They had the second string in by the ten minute mark of the third quarter and even then they still scored. Every score in the first half came through the air with Aaron Spady throwing 5 touchdown passes to four different receivers. He had 443 yards passing and only threw four incompletions the entire game. The Shatla defense simply had no answer for it. The running game also did fairly well, with Michael Prickett running for 145 yards and Ryan Sharkey for 56 yards. Both were averaging over 5 yards per carry and every time they got the ball it seemed like they were one step away from breaking one. An all around outstanding performance by our offense that will be hard by anyone to outdo.

GAME SUMMARY OF TORISAKIA VS. SHATLA

1st QUARTER
12:03 TOR - 54 yard pass from A. Spady to  J. Abaroa (DeBerry PAT)
7:14 TOR - 40 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
2:33 TOR - 27 yard pass from A. Spady to E. Kuzman (PAT missed)
END OF 1ST Torisakia: 16 Shatla: 0

2nd QUARTER
14:56 TOR - 19 yard pass from A. Spady to C. Boldin (DeBerry PAT)
9:17 TOR - 34 yard pass from A. Spady to J. Abaroa (DeBerry PAT)
3:43 TOR - 5 yard pass from A. Spady to D. Alserda (DeBerry PAT)
END OF 2ND Torisakia: 40 Shatla: 0

3rd QUARTER
13:50 SHT - 35 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
7:00 TOR - 39 yard pass from D. Ramos to Q. Loris (Feldt PAT)
6:32 SHT - 41 yard run by unknown Running Back (unknown Kicker PAT)
0:14 TOR - 37 yard field goal by E. Feldt
END OF 3RD Torisakia: 50 Shatla: 10

4th QUARTER
10:41 SHT - 6 yard pass from unknown QB to unknown WR (unknown Kicker PAT)
2:03 TOR - 10 yard run by B. Flint (Feldt PAT)
END OF 4TH Torisakia: 57 Shatla: 17

We can say with certainty that the defense has done nothing but improve through this tournament. With only given up 17 points the whole event (we also seem to let teams score just 17 on us for some reason) and very few times have we allowed multiple touchdowns in the same quarter. Being able to hold teams to no scoring is of course great, but consistently holding them to more field goals than touchdowns is just as good. Combined with our high powered offense, it's hard to see if Torisakia will ever lose in the group stage. Depending on how the group draw goes for phase two (assuming we get promoted there), we could be potentially looking at an undefeated group stage going into the playoffs. It would be the first time in decades that a Torisakia national team in any sport has gotten out of a group stage in a tournament undefeated. It would also be the first time Torisakia has made the World Bowl playoffs. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here as there's still a lot of the tournament left to play. But given what we've seen over the past few matchdays by Torisakia, it's easy to get lost in prediction land.

Torisakia now moves to 4-0 in the Mugisha III group and plays Geektopia once again as the schedule is now repeating, but this time we're back at home at the Stadium of Peace in Yasui. This marks the first time that the Stadium of Peace is being used as a home venue for an international tournament. It holds 86,000 do it's only slightly smaller than Tokai Memorial and the Troutwood Bowl, but Yasui is home to some of the most passionate fans in the nation and I have no doubt in my mind that they'll be out in full force to act as the "12th man" to our team. Hopefully we won't be cursed or anything if the rumors of the grounds that the Stadium of Peace sits on were once used for witchcraft and Satanic sacrifices. No wonder Yasui is called the "Black Magic".

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Geektopia matchup and preview the next matchup as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups. Take care and always pour greased lightning down your drain!

[Free Republics]

Sister Polus's Thoughts

Hello, I am Sister Maria Polus. I am the Housemistress of Tomlinson House at the Barjavel Academy at Republica, the Instructor in Religious Studies, Deportment and Latin at the Academy and the Headmistress of the Barjavel Junior Academy, Republica Branch. I am joining you today on VirtueTube and SanctusTube to discuss current events in the Free Republics and around the multiverse. I'm going to start today by discussing the World Bowl. I watched the recent World Bowl game between the Free Republics and Taeshan. As you probably already know if you follow the World Bowl, the Free Republics have never beaten Taeshan in the World Bowl and Taeshan knocked them out of World Bowls 33 through 35. You're probably also aware that the Free Republics team is quarterbacked by a young girl and coached by a woman. Now, I know very little about this Dania Sandberg and I'm sure she's of better moral character than those classless baseball players that only won the WBC because they faced Cassadaigua in the finals but there is something wrong about a young woman being on a gridiron field. Actually, I guess I'm supposed to call it football since that's what the sport is called here in the Free Republics but please bear with me as it is called gridiron in my home country. Well, I turned the game on and I saw the Republicans jump out to an early lead after Wang Pan took a reverse 73 yards for a touchdown on the first play from scrimmage and then extend the lead to 10 with a field goal right before half. I even saw them hold onto the lead into the fourth quarter, conceding a field goal to Taeshan's offense. Then, I saw this Sandberg girl throw 2 touchdown passes to the Taeshanis to hand them the game. I think that pretty much sums up how good of a quarterback she is.

It is therefore fitting that the Republican World Bowl team is owned by Nicholls Enterprises, the company owned by the incompetent buffoon who raised Scarlett the Harlot. Truly, rank incompetence and nepotism are rampant at every level of Nicholls Enterprises including their airline which seems to crash a plane every other day! I also found it interesting how Scarlett the Harlot blamed the plane manufacturer and ordered their planes to be grounded until she was overruled by her co-consul Kyle Bolton because he's in the pocket of Piedalue! They call themselves the "Liberty" Party but the only "liberty" that have to offer is the liberty to be harmed by corporations. Well that and the "liberty" to murder children with abortifacients! Its unbelievable that Republicans would vote these idiots, crooks and pathological liars into positions of political power. As you probably know, there is an election coming up in this country in a few months and I urge everybody to vote for anybody but the Liberty Party to save this country.

Fortunately, there is some good news as the Holy Baptism of Fire will soon begin in Saintland and Malifornia with the final to be played in New City. I have already purchased a full section of tickets for the final and will be taking a sizable contingent with me with preference given to my best students from my classes over the years. While purchasing those tickets online, I discovered that tickets were still available for the Free Republics versus Taeshan game right here in Republica so I have also purchased a section of tickets to that game. Those interested in joining me in my efforts to spread the gospel of Iesus Christus to sports fans should private message me on either VirtueTube or SanctusTube. I am Sister Maria Polus and I thank you for watching.

[Ranoria]

Defense Carries the Day in Tight Victory

After a late offensive explosion helped drag the team to its first victory a week ago, it was the defense carrying the day in week 4.

Without a ton of talent outside of the big three on defense, other players had to step up. One big player in this one was cornerback Daquan Morestead, who got his first start in this one. While he wasn’t outstanding, he was certainly an upgrade over Trent Yewing and Karl Denton, who may as well have been on the sidelines anyway for all they managed to contribute. The young defender recorded 3 pass deflections while being picked on opposite of Alexander von Arris. He also allowed five receptions, but made the tackle on each of those mistakes, and didn’t allowed just one completion over fifteen yards.

With him playing at a decent level, that left von Arris to lock down the other side, and bought enough time for the pass rush to really pin their ears back. This essentially was Justin Kearse on his own, recording a pair of sacks and a few more quarterback hits. But he had help from the linebackers. Jakeem Butler and Ross Monarch each recorded a sack in the first half, as the offense tried to exploit the team’s weak secondary. Johnny Farmer, normally a tight end, also recorded a sack. Once quicker passes became involved, they backed off, but it certainly helped the defense to hold the Equeatrian states to just 13 after being run over in the opener.

Offensively, the team ran the ball heavily, totaling 31 carries. Quarterback Derek McNair accounted for nine of them, and gained sixty five yards rushing, while Melvin Strong took nineteen totes for ninety one yards himself. They struggled in the red zone, with the only touchdown coming on a deep pass to Star tight end Johnny Farmer, but with six field goals, it was enough.

Now sitting at 2-2, Ranoria enters a must win contest against Vangaziland, who sit at 4-0.

[Banija]

Strong second half stuns Drawkland at the Stadium of the Restoration as Banijans earn their first win of World Bowl XXXVII


Serpent Eagles offensive players celebrate touchdown against Drawkland at the national stadium

BUSUKUMA, NATIONAL CAPITOL REGION- After coming off of what many considered to be the worst loss in the history of Banijan football, a 39 point walloping at home to Velstrania on Matchday 3 of this World Bowl, we said that this game would be a defining moment for the team. Banijan fans are loyal of course- we said that they'd turn out for this one, and they did, filling the 91,835 seater stadium to its full capacity. The 4,000 or so visiting fans from Drawkland in the stadium's northeast corner in the upper deck, and many were excited for the renewal of this rivalry, for the rebirth of Banija v. Drawkland. But we said that this game would be a key defining moment for this team, for this coach, for these players. How do you respond after a loss like that? How do you come back, how do you recover, after getting it handed to you by an opponent at your own field, and losing by 39 in a tournament that you're hosting? We said that this team would have to come back and play with pride, play with ferocity, and do whatever it took to breathe some life back into their campaign to stay in League A. And, to their credit, that's what they did. It took four games for Banija to finally earn its first victory in the gauntlet known as League A of World Bowl XXXVII, and an exciting 41-35 victory means that while there are still some serious worries on the defensive side of the ball(they've allowed 100 points combined in the last 2 games!), but the offense, after spending a trio of games getting pummeled, has finally found its footing. Is this a oneoff, or does this mean that better things are to come for the Serpent Eagles in this tournament?

First, let's go over the game that gave them their very late opening victory of the World Bowl XXXVII campaign. This was a game where offenses reigned supreme, and that was especially true as the game wore on. In the first half, however, it would be Drawkland that would make the first impact on the game. Drawkland, like many teams these days, operates out of 11 personnel- 1 running back, 1 tight end, and three wide receivers, out of the shotgun. A similar style to Banija's. They knew that the defense was reeling after allowing a stunning 65 points to Velstrania, and they came out attacking the defense straight from the get go. The crowd was loud and engaged, but forget it- Drawkland wanted to improve to 4-0, and remain undefeated in League A, in their claim to being the best of the best and reclimbing that mountain for their third World Bowl title. The Banijan defense, on the first play from scrimmage, wanted to be aggressive, and called a blitz. It looked like an engage 8? But Dak Waterman, ever the visionary, saw the blitz coming, and the smart quarterback audibled to the best play to break a blitz- the screen.

When you have a running back like Drawkland's running back Jack Hoy, you're going to do quite a bit of damage on screen plays. And as the Banijans came with the pressure early in the game, Dak Waterman let them get into the back field, and lofted a soft pass right over the heads of Banija's linemen and linebackers, and into the hands of Jack Hoy. He had blockers in front of him, and daylight. He's a terror in the open field- and that was proven on this play. He beat Banijan cornerback Yonas Azikiwe with a cutback move, and looked to run with the ball up the sideline all the way to the house. The speedster was racing down the sideline, but fortunately for the Serpent Eagles, Springbok safety Ediresa Uster was racing just with him, and a shoestring tackle on Jack Hoy prevented him from a huge score on the first play of the game. But still, a massive play- 63 yards on the first play from scrimmage, giving Drawkland a first and goal from the 8 yard line. Jack Hoy got the ball on a pitch on the very next play, and took it to the one yard line, for a gain of 7. His featuring in this ball game would be a theme for the Grid Corps here in Busukuma. But of course, 70 yards on two plays, and they were at the 1 yard line. They brought in the power back, Antonio Anders, on the next play, and he dove over the top of the pile and into the end zone for 6 points. As is their tendency, they went for two after that, but good coverage forced Dak Waterman to simply throw the ball into the 5th row. Very quickly, the score was Drawkland 6, Banija 0.

How would the Banijans respond? Well, against Velstrania, the offense was so oversuffocated in the first half, they couldn't and didn't do anything of note, almost at all, in the first half, while the Velstranians ran up the score at Mugisha II Memorial Stadium. This time, however, at the national stadium, the story would be different. Isaka Jawara was going to lead a drive against this Drawkland defense, and he was going to do it on his own. Drawkland's defense is very good at getting pressure, and that is a focus of theirs- and it is clear that Alastair Jobs and offensive coordinator Jeremiah Johnson had planned for this. They went for a lot of short, quick throws. Wide receiver screens, crossing routes, halfback counters- misdirection was a theme of the game for the Serpent Eagles on offense, trying to catch the Grid Corps overpursuing in one direction while they attacked in the other. Jawara himself led a 10 play drive that took 5:13 off of the clock, but the Serpent Eagles could not convert inside the 5, having to settle for a 22 yard field goal. Still, the score was 6-3. Drawkland had taken some energy out of the crowd after a fast start, but they hadn't taken the life out of them. Neither team scored for the rest of the quarter.

In the beginning of the 2nd quarter, Banija took not only its first lead of the game- it took its first lead of the entire campaign. Pretty shocking, right? Anyways, after a Drawkland punt had the ball down at the 34 yard line for the Banijans, they were going to look for a big play. Remember how we told you that a big theme of the Banijan offensive gameplan was misdirection, was trying to catch the aggressive Grid Corps defense in overpursuit? Well, that is the strategy that the Banijans took on this drive, and it led them to success. On the drives first play, they had a handoff going towards the Drawkland sideline for Beluchi Okparro, the running back. The Grid Corps were hot in pursuit. Alastair Jobs, however, had a plan for this moment. HE ran a double reverse- Okparro flipped the football back to the speedster, Tijan Kujabi, who was running the other way. The double reverse seemed to catch the entire defense offguard, and as Kujabi turned the corner on the other side of the field and started to run upfield, all he saw was paydirt. He could not, however, outrun Ross Sterling. Still- by the time Sterling caught up with him, he was at Drawkland's 3 yard line. A 63 yard run of his own for the receiver set up first and goal for the Banijans. This time, they wouldn't miss their opportunity. They had a power pistol formation, and gave the ball to Beluchi Okparro, who powered behind blockers for the game's go-ahead score. The Banijans converted the PAT, making the score 10-6.

Drawkland came back, eager to score and get back onto the board. Dak Waterman led the next drive himself, and they moved the ball in a hurry- 8 plays, all pass plays, and 7 completions over just 2 and a half minutes. The drive ended in a 6 yard fade route to Daniel Madison. The Drawkish wideout was left in single coverage, and of course, he was going to outjump the 33 year old Azikiwe in the back corner of the end zone. It wasn't a question of who would get the ball at the highest point- that battle was always going to be won by Madison. But could he complete the process of the catch? While getting and knocked out of bounds, he got both feet down and had firm possesion of the ball, and it was ruled a touchdown. Drawkland, true to their nature, went for 2 again and this time, converted, with 2nd string tight end Riley Hoyt catching the two point conversion.

ANd then, with just under 3 minutes left in the half, it was back in the hands of the Serpent Eagles. What would they do, now down 14-10. How would they respond? The proper answer here, was to ensure that they went into halftime with the lead, or at worst, down 1. Isaka Jawara was having his turn to respond to Dak Waterman, and boy, did the Banijan quarterback make the most of his opportunity here. They moved the ball with speed as well, spreading the field and passing to open receivers. The speedster Tijan Kujabi was tormenting the defense. Banija's top wide receiver finished with a massive ball- 11 receptions for 187 yards. That did not include his 63 yard run earlier, and did not include his big special teams play(keep reading!). He had a pair of catches on this drive, and with just 18 seconds left in the quarter, the drive ended with an Isaka Jawara scramble for six, where he dove for the pylon and the DRawkland defense could not catch him. That gave the Banijans a 17-14 lead going into halftime, with both offenses finally starting to get into a groove.

Drawkland, of course, had started with the ball in the first half, and so in the second half, they kicked. Tijan Kujabi received the ball in stride at the 7, and you just knew that he was surely capable of doing something dangerous at this point. He ran up the right sideline, had a spin move to beat a member of the Drawkland kick coverage team, and then raced down the sideline. This time, there was nobody from the Grid Corps to catch him- it was goodbye to Kujabi, and hello to six point for the Serpent Eagles. All of a sudden, they had a 10 point lead, and the stadium was rocking. So much energy, so much excitement.

Drawkland is not the group leaders, however, because they take things lying down. Because they take things without a fight. No- they know how to get up, they know how to respond to bad situations. So even with the crowd seemingly baying for blood, and the decibel level at a place we haven't seen all tournament from Banijan fans, Dak Waterman began to operate. He operated in a silent count. A long, grind it out drive was the order- 14 plays, 4/4 on 3rd downs, 77 yards, adn a stunning 6:13 off of the clock. What was the end result of this drive? A 2 yard touchdown pass to a diving Toby Miller on 3rd and goal. IT was one of those plays that broke down and the scramble drill basically started, and Miller sensed a hole in the end zone, and Waterman lofted it to him. He dove to race underneath the football, and made a brilliant catch. Drawkland went for two once again, per their tendencies, but for the second time in three efforts, the Banijan defense stood strong, with a Waterman pass knocked down at the line of scrimmage by veteran defensive tackle Auguste Denin.

No scoring happened again in the 3rd quarter until it was coming towards its closing moments. The defenses had stiffened up for a bit- forcing some back and forth punts between the two teams. But a big play was in the works for the Serpent Eagles. A double move, with a well sold pump fake by Isaka Jawara, and got Osman Oswald to bite. The #2 Banijan wide receiver, Margolin, then went sprinting down the sideline. A perfect pass saw the former college rivals link up in stride, and 55 yards later, Margolin was in the end zone for 6 points. Drawkland had quite the task ahead of them- they were trailing by 11, heading into the fourth quarter, with the score at 31-20 in favor of the Banijans.

But Drawkland came out firing in the fourth quarter. Dak Waterman knew that their backs were against the wall- and frankly, they were not having any of it. The Grid Corps came flying up the field, and it took just four plays for them to score after the ensuing kick was returned to the 35 yard line. A 15 yard run by Hoy, a 20 yard reception by Madison, a 12 yard reception by Madison, and an 18 yard touchdown pass to Trey Council, over the middle of the field. They lined up in the I-formation for the two point conversion, and ran the triple option. Waterman called his own number, and went to the endzone untouched. ANd just like that, barely a minute into the fourth quarter, it was a single score game again- 31-28, in favor of the Banijans.

The Banijans then responded the way any offense should respond in this situation- grinding out the clock, and stamping their authority back onto this game. A 15 play, 6:55 drive that went 85 yards was 12 running plays and a passing play, that saw the Banijans themselves go 4/4 on third down. Beluchi Okparro was tearing through the defense. BUt on second and goal from the one, the winded running back was subbed out for Banijan power back Jalang Tiyana. Tiyana ploughed through the exhausted Drawkland defense for the score, and with just over half the quarter remaining, the Banijans were once again up 10, up 38-28.

Drawkland had to respond, and do so quickly. Unfortunately, they went 3 and out, the series highlighted by a sack from Elias Mulu, so with about 7 minutes remaining, they were forced to punt. And then the Banijans had the football- could they effectively seal this game by launching one last drive down the field? They ran some clock, but not the game- with about 5 minutes left, after three run plays yielded a combined yard, the Banijans were set up to punt. Still up 38-28, Drawkland came hard on the punt block. It would be Robert Lim, the nickel back, who would block the punt. The ball flew backwards of course, and youngster Matthew Alessi fell on the ball in the end zone. It was a touchdown- and Drawkland, understanding that it could be a mere 3 point game again, opted to finally go for the normal single point after attempt. They were, obviously, successful, and with under 5 minutes left, it was 38-35.

Drawkland's ensuing kickoff, most unfortunately for them, went out of bounds, and the Banijans had the ball at their own 40 to start the drive. Jobs decided to be aggressive- they'd thrown one pass in the last two drives, this needed fixing. A play-action to Okparro caught the defense napping, and saw Kujabi streaking down the field. Jawara underthrew the football, and still, the wideout adjusted to it and caught it. If Jawara had hit him in stride, it's a guaranteed touchdown, and likely would have been game. However, he didn't, and the underthrow allowed the safety to catch up, setting up 1st and goal at the 8 yard line. The Grid Corps defense stood tall, only allowing a field goal to make it 41-35 in their favor.

It would be up to the defense. The crowd noise was at a crazy level- Banijan fans doing whatever it took to will their team to make the stop. Drawkland started making a drive downfield, and used one of their timeouts(they had used another on the previous possesion), and with 1:10 to go and a lone timeout, they had reached the Banijan 35 yard line. A pass over the middle from Waterman to Miller was tipped at the line of scrimmage by Chukwama Kouyaté, and the ball was live. Aloysius Kabuye, the middle linebacker, ran up to the floating ball and came down with the football, getting the game-winning interception.

A cruel way for Drawkland to lose? Of course. But on the flip side- what a win by our boys, eh? Grinding out a 41-35 home win over the two-time champs, the #2 overall seed in this tournament, and who were previously undefeated in this tournament before this game, was a huge confidence booster. Now, of course, the Banijans will celebrate, but prepare for their next opponent, the Main Nation Ministry. Alastair Jobs will get to coach at the field that was literally named after him, as he'll coach at his old stomping grounds, trying to get the second win of the cammpaign. If they can, then Banija actually has a chance of staying in League A. IF not? Well, relegation would almost certainly be on the cards.