[submitted]A Prodigious Parade Predicament

[Lancaster of Wessex]

conditions: must be open to other nations/states (not an isolationist nation), have public transit/roads, police services

Following @@CAPITAL@@'s unexpected victory in the WCBA (World Calvinball Association) Finals, the first championship @@NAME@@ has experienced on a global stage in some time, millions of people descended upon the city to celebrate in a hastily planned parade and rally. The results: the 3 hour parade took nearly 7 hours, people passed out from heat, and mass chaos on public transit and roads. Subsequently, various officials meet to autopsy the event.

1). "I can't emphasize what a disaster this was!" decries chief city planner @@RANDOMNAME@@, still peeling the garbage from off @@HIS@@ shoes. "We had three days to plan this - THREE DAYS! We must ensure that in future, all public celebrations, no matter how big or small, go through a rigorous and long permit process, have strategically placed medical and police services, and adequate public bathrooms - have you been to @@ANIMAL@@ Square? It STILL smells like...tinkle!"

Effect: children's birthday parties take weeks of meticulous planning and require emergency services to be present.

2). "Far too weak," grumbles notorious police sergeant @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Bottom line: lack of security. Our barriers were tossed aside by these calvinball hooligans, they swamped the roads on the parade route, and people were attacked near the main stage. Any large public gathering must be cordoned off, with limited number of wrist-bands issued to the public, and metal detectors and other scrutinies in place. Never again shall we let this travesty occur to our fair city!"

Effect: sports fans wanting to celebrate team victories in large numbers are confronted by fully armed riot squad officers.

3). "What my esteemed colleagues fail to realize, is that this was a failure - I mean, a lapse - of the public transit system," bemoans big-wig public transit official @@RANDOMNAME@@, fondling a model of a much-delayed Bumbardeeair subway car. "Do you think our system is up to handling an extra million people on a single day, all trying to crowd into one area of the city? NO! Because YOUR government, @@LEADER@@, has failed to put the proper infrastructure in place! You know what to do..." @@HE@@ suggestively rubs his fingers together to insinuate "money."

Effect: the annual @@NAME@@ Parade in @@CAPITAL@@ is snarled by 24-hour construction crews frantically building new lines.

4). "The city planner is right," mumbles perennial party pooper and professional curmudgeon @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your office cleaners. "@@ANIMAL@@ Square DOES smell like tinkle, and worse. My buddies had to spend hours cleaning up all that crap, LITERALLY, and for what, a bunch of punks skipping work and celebrating a bunch of millionaires who happen to be good at calvinball? Ban parades. Ban calvinball. Ban fun. Ban me. Oh...wait a minute."

Effect: @@NAME@@ is renowned across @@REGION@@ for its prolific napping and bench-lined parks.

EDIT: removed the issue 1234 bit, I misunderstood; so yeah, removed.
EDIT: renamed NCA to WCBA so people know it's a global type event, cleaned up some wording in the intro.
EDIT: removed an option and tried to clean things up a bit more via snipping.
SUBMITTED: 07/05/19

[The Sherpa Empire]

Following your nation's resounding if not unexpected victory in the NCA (National Calvinball Association) Finals, the first championship @@NAME@@ has experienced on a global stage in some time, millions of people descended upon @@CAPITAL@@ to celebrate.

Why is a global competition run by the National Calvinball Association?

[Lancaster of Wessex]

Following your nation's resounding if not unexpected victory in the NCA (National Calvinball Association) Finals, the first championship @@NAME@@ has experienced on a global stage in some time, millions of people descended upon @@CAPITAL@@ to celebrate.

Why is a global competition run by the National Calvinball Association?

It's a play on the NBA, clearly.

[The Sherpa Empire]

Why is a global competition run by the National Calvinball Association?

It's a play on the NBA, clearly.

NBA teams don't represent different nations.

[Australian rePublic]

City smells like urine? Too much heat? Just host the parade in winter. Problem solved

Now, snow might make public transport matters worse. Oops!

[Australian rePublic]

It's a play on the NBA, clearly.

NBA teams don't represent different nations.

Toronto Raptors...
Besides,
Lots of national sports comps have international teams. The National Rugby League has the Warriors, the National Baskball League has the Breakers,British Super League has the French team(s?)

[Baggieland]

I have no idea who Nathan Phillips is, and there certainly isn't a square named after this person (whoever he is) in my nation. I would change it to @@LEADER@@ square.

Option 2: three people were shot. This would require an 'allows guns' validity, also it's a bit of a stretch that fans of the same team are going around shooting their fellow supporters. Sports violence is usually rival teams having a bit of a punch up, then legging it when the coppers show up!

[Australian rePublic]

I have no idea who Nathan Phillips is, and there certainly isn't a square named after this person (whoever he is) in my nation. I would change it to @@LEADER@@ square.

Option 2: three people were shot. This would require an 'allows guns' validity, also it's a bit of a stretch that fans of the same team are going around shooting their fellow supporters. Sports violence is usually rival teams having a bit of a punch up, then legging it when the coppers show up!

In a democracy, I don't see why @@LEADER@@ would be important enough to have a place named after him. For example, in the USA, there is no Obama Square, or Trump Towers... okay, there are Trump Towers, but they pre-date the president's political carer.

[The Sherpa Empire]

NBA teams don't represent different nations.

Toronto Raptors...
Besides,
Lots of national sports comps have international teams. The National Rugby League has the Warriors, the National Baskball League has the Breakers,British Super League has the French team(s?)

Those are still local teams. They do not represent the whole nation where they are located.

If the Toronto Raptors win something, you wouldn't say Canada won. You would say Toronto won.

[Australian rePublic]

Toronto Raptors...
Besides,
Lots of national sports comps have international teams. The National Rugby League has the Warriors, the National Baskball League has the Breakers,British Super League has the French team(s?)

Those are still local teams. They do not represent the whole nation where they are located.

If the Toronto Raptors win something, you wouldn't say Canada won. You would say Toronto won.

Except for the NRL, where the New Zealand Warriors (and the Papua New Guinea too, if they ever got do a team) represent their whole country, and this is a local competition, where Sydney, a single city, has 9 teams, and every represented city has a single team. You say that City X won, not Australia, but yet, you say that NZ won too. And the NBL, Where it's a local comp, each city has a team, but the Breakers represent all of New Zealand. And their just the sports I know about. I'm sure there are others that have one foreign team representing the whole country

[Great Nortend]

How does this issue relate to 1234?

[Krogon]

Why have "NCA (National Calvinball Association)"? Just simply have the name of it and not the abbreviation. Also, how does this relate to 1234?

[Lancaster of Wessex]

I have no idea who Nathan Phillips is, and there certainly isn't a square named after this person (whoever he is) in my nation. I would change it to @@LEADER@@ square.

Option 2: three people were shot. This would require an 'allows guns' validity, also it's a bit of a stretch that fans of the same team are going around shooting their fellow supporters. Sports violence is usually rival teams having a bit of a punch up, then legging it when the coppers show up!

Thank you for the suggestions, they are duly noted. I changed it to @@ANIMAL@@ Square instead, since not all leaders may be adored by their populace, and I've changed "shot" to "attacked," just to make it more vague, so, no gun validity required. Cleans it up a bit! Thank you!

[Lancaster of Wessex]

Why have "NCA (National Calvinball Association)"? Just simply have the name of it and not the abbreviation. Also, how does this relate to 1234?

Again, it's a play on the NBA, so "in character" most everyone would have heard of the NCA, but I've typed it out in long-hand just for clarity's sake in real life. And I've removed the 1234 bit, I misunderstood.

[The Sherpa Empire]

Those are still local teams. They do not represent the whole nation where they are located.

If the Toronto Raptors win something, you wouldn't say Canada won. You would say Toronto won.

Except for the NRL, where the New Zealand Warriors (and the Papua New Guinea too, if they ever got do a team) represent their whole country, and this is a local competition, where Sydney, a single city, has 9 teams, and every represented city has a single team. You say that City X won, not Australia, but yet, you say that NZ won too. And the NBL, Where it's a local comp, each city has a team, but the Breakers represent all of New Zealand. And their just the sports I know about. I'm sure there are others that have one foreign team representing the whole country

It sounds dumb to say your nation won something "national." The examples you gave are the exception not the rule, none of those examples are global competitions, and it's something that only smaller countries would be likely to do. If you have cities like Toronto and Vancouver that are very far from each other, it doesn't make sense that one team could represent both in a "national" sports league.

Wouldn't CHANGING THE DAMN NAME fix this much more efficiently than doing all these mental gymnastics to rationalize it?

[Australian rePublic]

Except for the NRL, where the New Zealand Warriors (and the Papua New Guinea too, if they ever got do a team) represent their whole country, and this is a local competition, where Sydney, a single city, has 9 teams, and every represented city has a single team. You say that City X won, not Australia, but yet, you say that NZ won too. And the NBL, Where it's a local comp, each city has a team, but the Breakers represent all of New Zealand. And their just the sports I know about. I'm sure there are others that have one foreign team representing the whole country

It sounds dumb to say your nation won something "national." The examples you gave are the exception not the rule, none of those examples are global competitions, and it's something that only smaller countries would be likely to do. If you have cities like Toronto and Vancouver that are very far from each other, it doesn't make sense that one team could represent both in a "national" sports league.

Wouldn't CHANGING THE DAMN NAME fix this much more efficiently than doing all these mental gymnastics to rationalize it?

I'm sorry, but could you please enlighten me about how an Australian thinking about Australian sporting competitons qualifies as mental gymnastics. I live in Australia, where all our neighbours are tiny and far away. ALL OF THEM. Therefore, any sporting competition in Australia with international representation will have representation in small countries. And NZ's one of them, whereby the South Island is far from the North Island, (Wellington to Queenstown is an hour and a half flight), and there are 1 million people in the South Island, with 3.7 million on the North Island, therefore, it would be easy for the Warriors or the Breakers to represent just the North Island. By comparison, the Cowboys represent Townsville, a city of fewer than 200k. Now, if an American sporting competitoon had more than 2 Canadian teams, me would hardly qualify that as 'national'. And why can't we assume that @@NAME@@ is tiny?

[Great Nortend]

I have no idea who Nathan Phillips is, and there certainly isn't a square named after this person (whoever he is) in my nation. I would change it to @@LEADER@@ square.

Option 2: three people were shot. This would require an 'allows guns' validity, also it's a bit of a stretch that fans of the same team are going around shooting their fellow supporters. Sports violence is usually rival teams having a bit of a punch up, then legging it when the coppers show up!

In a democracy, I don't see why @@LEADER@@ would be important enough to have a place named after him. For example, in the USA, there is no Obama Square, or Trump Towers... okay, there are Trump Towers, but they pre-date the president's political carer.

Her Majesty has quite a few places named after her! But that's obviously different. The @@ANIMAL@@ square thing works, although I would probably omit it. It doesn't add much and the issue seems fairly long already.

[Australian rePublic]

In a democracy, I don't see why @@LEADER@@ would be important enough to have a place named after him. For example, in the USA, there is no Obama Square, or Trump Towers... okay, there are Trump Towers, but they pre-date the president's political carer.

Her Majesty has quite a few places named after her! But that's obviously different. The @@ANIMAL@@ square thing works, although I would probably omit it. It doesn't add much and the issue seems fairly long already.

Even then, there aren't too many things named after specific monarchs

[Chan Island]

If the nation hasn't won the competition in a long time, then why would there be a preparation for a parade? I'd omit that and just say that after the unexpected win millions of people took to the streets to celebrate and it caused chaos, which is something that regularly happens.

[The Sherpa Empire]

It sounds dumb to say your nation won something "national." The examples you gave are the exception not the rule, none of those examples are global competitions, and it's something that only smaller countries would be likely to do. If you have cities like Toronto and Vancouver that are very far from each other, it doesn't make sense that one team could represent both in a "national" sports league.

Wouldn't CHANGING THE DAMN NAME fix this much more efficiently than doing all these mental gymnastics to rationalize it?

I'm sorry, but could you please enlighten me about how an Australian thinking about Australian sporting competitons qualifies as mental gymnastics. I live in Australia, where all our neighbours are tiny and far away. ALL OF THEM. Therefore, any sporting competition in Australia with international representation will have representation in small countries. And NZ's one of them, whereby the South Island is far from the North Island, (Wellington to Queenstown is an hour and a half flight), and there are 1 million people in the South Island, with 3.7 million on the North Island, therefore, it would be easy for the Warriors or the Breakers to represent just the North Island. By comparison, the Cowboys represent Townsville, a city of fewer than 200k. Now, if an American sporting competitoon had more than 2 Canadian teams, me would hardly qualify that as 'national'. And why can't we assume that @@NAME@@ is tiny?

Are you seriously still arguing this shit at the same time that you pretend @@LEADER@@ Square is unrealistic? Seriously?

You're an Australian and you're arguing for something that happens in NZ, not Australia. It's mental gymnastics. And we can't assume @@NAME@@ is tiny because NS stats say I have 3 billion people, and most other players also have large populations.

The name of the league needs to be changed to something that will make sense for most people, not just a select few that based their nations on New Zealand.

EDIT: @@ANIMAL@@ Square is fine, BTW. There's no reason it has to be @@LEADER@@.

[Luna Amore]

I have no idea who Nathan Phillips is, and there certainly isn't a square named after this person (whoever he is) in my nation. I would change it to @@LEADER@@ square.

Option 2: three people were shot. This would require an 'allows guns' validity, also it's a bit of a stretch that fans of the same team are going around shooting their fellow supporters. Sports violence is usually rival teams having a bit of a punch up, then legging it when the coppers show up!

In a democracy, I don't see why @@LEADER@@ would be important enough to have a place named after him. For example, in the USA, there is no Obama Square, or Trump Towers... okay, there are Trump Towers, but they pre-date the president's political carer.

Sometimes I think you focus too much on finding something to niggle.

Yes. We name places after our Presidents. Our capital is Washington, D.C. Other nations apparently like naming things after our Presidents too; see Barack Obama Plaza. Even if the US didn't, its not a huge stretch to think someone might.

Please bring the conversation back to improving the issue at hand and less to arguing over minor details.

[Lancaster of Wessex]

If the nation hasn't won the competition in a long time, then why would there be a preparation for a parade? I'd omit that and just say that after the unexpected win millions of people took to the streets to celebrate and it caused chaos, which is something that regularly happens.

There was not enough preparation, that's the whole point of the issue. In option 1, it's made clear by the city planner that they had only 3 days to plan for it.

[Chan Island]

If the nation hasn't won the competition in a long time, then why would there be a preparation for a parade? I'd omit that and just say that after the unexpected win millions of people took to the streets to celebrate and it caused chaos, which is something that regularly happens.

There was not enough preparation, that's the whole point of the issue. In option 1, it's made clear by the city planner that they had only 3 days to plan for it.

I think you're underestimating how spontaneous these celebrations are. When Iceland won an Olympic gold medal a few years ago, hundreds of residents were out celebrating on the streets of Reykjavik within minutes, not days, of the win.

Of course that incident wasn't too chaotic, but the point still stands. If nobody was expecting the nation to win the competition, how were there any preparations for a parade at all? And even if there were, in a such a situation the time lag between the win and people swarming city streets jubilating is precisely no time at all. So how were they even getting a parade underway before the mass chaos had gone underway?

The premise of this issue seems to suggest that a lot of citizens descended on the capital (presumably in cars or public transport) in the days following the win, but that's just not something that's very common. When England wins a national competition, people in Sheffield don't go "hey, let's celebrate in London!" and then immediately head off. They celebrate in their home town.

[Lancaster of Wessex]

There was not enough preparation, that's the whole point of the issue. In option 1, it's made clear by the city planner that they had only 3 days to plan for it.

I think you're underestimating how spontaneous these celebrations are. When Iceland won an Olympic gold medal a few years ago, hundreds of residents were out celebrating on the streets of Reykjavik within minutes, not days, of the win.

Of course that incident wasn't too chaotic, but the point still stands. If nobody was expecting the nation to win the competition, how were there any preparations for a parade at all? And even if there were, in a such a situation the time lag between the win and people swarming city streets jubilating is precisely no time at all. So how were they even getting a parade underway before the mass chaos had gone underway?

The premise of this issue seems to suggest that a lot of citizens descended on the capital (presumably in cars or public transport) in the days following the win, but that's just not something that's very common. When England wins a national competition, people in Sheffield don't go "hey, let's celebrate in London!" and then immediately head off. They celebrate in their home town.

Allow me to clarify. This issue is a play on Toronto's recent NBA victory, which resulted in chaos in the downtown of the city, and was planned (allegedly) with only 3 days of prep work from the day they won the championship to the day the parade was held. This parade and event WAS planned by the city and the team's owners, so it wasn't a spontaneous gathering - it was a planned event, it just wasn't executed very well.

[Bears Armed]

Was actually this a tournament whose structure meant that the team even having a reasonable chance of winning couldn't be foreseen before the last day, rather than one with a series of knockout rounds where progression through [at least, probably] quarter-finals & semi-finals would have given people increasing hope?