Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 31, 2018 6:14 pm

Matchday 35: Cantra Duprey and Isobel Foster have been signings worth their weight in gold for Mantlegrove, key in giving the side another dimension in attack. They show it today in a strong showing that dominates Hackett, 4-0 up by half-time, Merry Boys manager Lara Winter with a thousand-yard stare on the touchline. Hackett do manage to fight back somewhat in the second half, but with Garrick imperious in defence and Lowen Archer, one of the original Project +90 Treason players, brilliant between the posts, they can't get on the scoresheet. It gets worse for Hackett, as Crisisbless Athletic leapfrog them when Chris Suttner's header is enough to sink Coret and Ritter win back some ground through goals from Naga and Yew. Chatswood come back from 1-0 down at half-time to 3-1 winners at full-time in a match most notable for Belgrave manager Adalheid Metzelder foiling a Chatswood attack by kicking a spare ball onto the pitch. "It worked better than anything my midfield tried in the second half," she sniffed.

Matchday 36: "I told you you wouldn't miss the last guy!" Seneca Matthews laughs with the press after her Vermillion side come to Iron and come away with a 4-0 win. She's a former teammate at South Laithland of opposite number Reece Benedict, a tricky winger to his burly goalkeeper, and things were cordial on the touchline... up until the game started. Matthews is small, animated and loud; Benedict dour, with a face like thunder at every Vermillion goal. Valery Kovaleski, with a thunderous left boot, notches a hat-trick of basically identical strikes from the edge of the box. Serpentine, for their part, clear some distance from the drop with a 4-0 hammering over a miserable Greygate side, with Coret beating Mantlegrove and a ten-man Ritter hanging on for a 1-1 point away against the Smiths, Arista Tzorvas with a perfectly-angled header as she outmuscled former Starling man Orsay to beat Hasanu. Out of nowhere, Hackett annihilate Belgrave 5-2 - the exciting thing about this season is that even minnows like Hackett have quality like Varga Neury, who has torn up the league, on their side. Amidst all this, the only goalless match is the Cranequin derby, which is dire. At least City figure out how to stifle the Wanderers' options, but have little ambition to do much more.

Matchday 37: Twelve games, twelve clean sheets - it's a good day for the goalkeepers of the First Division. It's an especially good day for Marietta Briggs, Serpentine's stopper, who started the season on the bench and is ending it on the Premiership radar. Against Parrhesia, Serpentine take an early lead through an incisive pass from Passlach whipped into the bottom corner by Strong, and not one but two penalty saves from Briggs in the second half saves their lead. Also having a good day is Max Beyer, Vermillion's impressive Pasargan stopper, who is unsurprisingly active as the Wanderers beat Stahlburg Rovers 1-0 with just 29% of the ball, Pinnon making the difference from a free kick. Anders Rowett of the beleagured Greygate impresses, too, in a scoreless draw against Extreme Hills that really just makes you want to end it all. He's one that's risen to the challenge of Greygate being shit, and seems to relish all the saves he gets to make. He's supposedly being eyed as a Premiership backup for next season. Not exactly shining, however, is Hackett's Faraj Samara. She's not the shotstopper she used to be, age seeming to slow her down, and that inch or two is really getting to her when she does one of those things she does. She's narrowly too slow getting to a through-ball and clatters Corona Sharpe - Leitner sends her the wrong way from the spot - before Sharpe beats her at her near post and, when Leitner floats in a high corner, she sticks rigidly to her line as Prosper wins the ball unchallenged and flicks it on to Sharpe, who finishes, well, sharply, to round off a 3-0 win for Goodfeather.

Matchday 38: Iron's fifth straight defeat, a routine 2-0 in Brookford, intensifies scrutiny on manager Reece Benedict. They look short of ideas and inspiration, and only Preussler's scoring... just like when Garrett got the axe. Bruno Hawke gets the dreaded vote of confidence from the Leichhardt board after his side succumbs 2-0 to Crisisbless Athletic. Their hosts are energetic, physical and determined, and run rings around their lethargic opponents. Parrhesia put five past Extreme Hills goalkeeper Tournay from five different scorers, including Hounds leftback Ash Carter, to add to their troubles. They, at least, have no intention of sacking Malta Falconer. She's already saved them once. Meanwhile, Cranequin City haul themselves closer to an unexpected promotion berth, overcoming the more established Chatswood 1-0 away in a match high on sweat and low on quality. That is, except for Niko Rosmalen, a mercurial figure whose muscle helps wrest the ball off Grear before twisting and hammering a strike low into the bottom corner from twenty-five yards, past a flat-footed Aleksovic. They do seem to have everything - an excellent goalkeeper in Ledo, a stout defence, class in midfield and, in Gemmill and Kolar, a moderately lethal strike partnership of pace and power.

Matchday 39: Goodfeather swat down the Strongest in a dominant 2-0 win; from their past three, they've scored eight without reply. The Strongest, meanwhile, have a five-match unbeaten run snapped (the last four of which being 1-1 draws). Or, alternatively, they have one win from 21 games. They are well and truly floundering, and the ground is rising up to meet them. Do they stick or twist? They twist. Redruth is shown the door, in comes the aging Ewan Sanderson after they were turned down by Helena Fleischer. Sanderson has one season at this level under his belt, in which an admittedly outspent Riverkey were relegated. An uninspiring firefighter, though he has an excellent reputation in the lower leagues. Meanwhile, in a hilariously mismatched Stahlburg derby, City hammer Greygate 3-0. Juergen Stone, it's becoming clear, is not going to make it past the end of the season.

Matchday 40: "How shit must you be?" the away end bellows. It could apply to a couple games, really. Maybe the Gulls, incredulous at watching the Strongest actually contrive to concede three goals to them. Who concedes three goals to West Brinemouth? Most insultingly, the last one is a 91st minute winner from Daskalakis after Tristram's speculative long ball isn't dealt with. Perhaps Leichhardt, about their own team, as they get beaten easily by Belgrave. Bruno Hawke is absolutely not making it past this season. But it's definitely about Crisisbless Athletic, from incredulous Greygate fans. Petriak opens the fun with a flying header before even Cadell Cornerstone, who is terrible, and Karena Braham, who is well past it, pile on the damage - it ends 3-0, Athletic even missing a penalty for good measure. "We needed the points," manager Claire Antioch hisses after the match, practically shaking with rage. "What did they have to fight for?"

Matchday 41: Incredibly, Greygate scrounge up their fifth win of the season. It's Klaus Petriak who gets the goal, trapping a cross deftly before slamming it past Mantlegrove stopper Archer, continuing to prove an at least mediocre 1Div pedigree with his eleventh goal of the season. They're now on a hot winning streak of two. A lot of derbies this year have been terrible, and the Stahlburg derby is no exception, a dire scoreless draw. Cranequin Wanderers have been slowing down at the top, too - they can only take a point after they host Hackett, who equalise in the 92nd minute through lumbering 35-year old striker Fred Dawson, who smacks it home off the inside of his thigh. West Brinemouth, the league's least prolific non-Greygate side, score three goals for the second straight match, their third straight win; a hapless Ritter Town is on the receiving end, and their inconsistency could yet be their doom.

Matchday 42: Coret grab a lifeline, but it could've been so much better. Cranequin Wanderers aren't exactly cantering to victory, making Brinemouth's late-season dropoff look like a sprint to the finish by comparison, and on top of that they have Robin Seizter sent off for two yellow cards within 34 minutes. Then Jantzer clatters Janik for a penalty that she nervelessly slots away. But they can't add to it, the Wanderers unhurried, not willing to force the equaliser - it comes naturally, Kudelka pouncing on an errant pass from Muller and centring for Goodyouth to curl past Kewell. Ritter Town are entertainingly flaky, but at least the odd strong performance is helping keep them up; even without Tzorvas on the scoresheet, she still finds two assists in a 3-0 win over high-flying Cranequin City. The Strongest and Iron City both really need to win; facing each other, neither manage to.

Matchday 43: The Strongest have not had a new manager bounce. They haven't actually had a win since Houghton took over, and even a valiant 2-1 defeat away against Cranequin Wanderers isn't as good as it sounds, since the Wanderers were winless in four going into it. Somehow, Iron against Ritter ends goalless, despite Elsa Durant twice having to slide in and hook Ritter strikes off the line, and at the other end, Anwhistle having a penalty beaten away by St. Preux. Coret are cruising for defeat at Brookford, 2-0 down with fifteen minutes to go... and then Janik gets a tap-in, rouses the Rovers into thinking a comeback might just be possible. Another penalt, again converted by Janik, means it's happening, before Kurtis Siegrist is sent off for slamming an elbow into Spendthrift and Jozan Moreland thumps home given space from outside the box in injury time, a winner that might just restore their fading hopes of survival. This has mostly been focused at the bottom, but in truth, there's just not much changing at the top.

Matchday 44: All eyes are in Crisisbless, and it's not for Goodfeather's toothless 1-0 defeat to Parrhesia. It's for a six-pointer between Athletic and troubled Extreme Hills. Victory for Athletic would all but mathematically ensure their safety. The Hounds go out looking to, uh, run a lot, mostly. Athletic have structure, and after the first ten minutes, look comfortable. It's only a matter of time until the goals rain in. Suttner threatens it a couple of times, dominant against a nervy Hills defence; but in the second half, he finally gets one past Tournay, and Kite and Heidelberg join in to make it 3-0. A huge win for Athletic; hugely damaging for Hills. Hackett also pick up a massive win, a wicked deflection off a strike from Lucan taking it past Vermillion Wanderers goalkeeper Beyer. The Wanderers don't really give a fuck, and they drop two more goals in the second half. For good measure, Iron City beat Leichhardt 1-0 away, and Ritter Town get the odd goal in five courtesy of the silky Naga to take out the demob-happy Cranequin Wanderers and ensure their own safety.

Matchday 45: Cranequin Wanderers have had a staggering late-season slump. They were set to snap records not so long ago; now, after failing to beat Leichhardt at home, they might not even make it to 100 points. The title's long sewn up, at least, while despite defeat Stahlburg City remain safely promoted. Stahlburg Rovers' flashy 4-3 win over Goodfeather, enabled by journeyman Thorodel Nagdalene's entry off the bench to outwrestle Bierofka and stick out a foot to tap in Moxey's drilled cross in injury time, keeps their two-point lead over Chatswood intact. A win for Chatswood, Cranequin City's failure to beat lowly Greygate at home and Brookford's defeat to Arista Tzorvas + 10 mean there's no threat from outside the top four. Prominently not in the conversation: Parrhesia United and Leichhardt. And for the first time in what feels like a while, no relegated side is going straight back up.

The relegation battle all but mathematically whittles down to two teams over one slot; Iron City slump to defeat against South Laithland, while the Hounds at least give themselves a chance by beating Mantlegrove. Special mention must go to the Strongest. They won six from their first nine (nice), nine of their first eighteen. They've won precisely once since, and a hard-fought 2-1 defeat to Chatswood confirms their relegation. It is a cataclysmically bad collapse, the likes of which have never before been seen in this league. Felix Gallan's header sinks Coret Rovers, too, while Greygate are long gone.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               45  31   7   7  134   45  +89 100
  2 Sabrefell Moths          45  30   6   9   93   39  +54  96
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       45  29   7   9   79   43  +36  94
  4 AFC Treason              45  25   8  12   70   33  +37  83
  5 Newrook City             45  23  10  12   86   53  +33  79
  6 Coret Hawks              45  24   7  14   74   51  +23  79
  7 Starling                 45  23   5  17   69   53  +16  74
  8 Aries Chariots           45  21   8  16   69   57  +12  71
  9 Crisisbless              45  20  10  15   65   51  +14  70
 10 North Sabrefell          45  18  16  11   63   59   +4  70
 11 Chenoworth Harriers      45  19   9  17   67   61   +6  66
 12 AFC Corvistone           45  19   9  17   72   72   +0  66
 13 Chenoworth Rovers        45  20   6  19   65   69   -4  66
 14 Raven River              45  16  12  17   66   71   -5  60
 15 Vermillion Rage          45  17   8  20   96   88   +8  59
 16 Southfell United         45  16   9  20   60   78  -18  57
 17 North Laithland          45  15   6  24   49   77  -28  51
 18 Crisisbless United       45  14   6  25   57   83  -26  48
 19 Corvette Maulers         45  13   9  23   57  102  -45  48
 20 Cypher Town              45  12   9  24   39   60  -21  45
 21 Diamondqueen             45  11   8  26   46   84  -38  41
 22 Creed United             45  11   7  27   44   86  -42  40
 23 Bishop                   45   5  13  27   33   77  -44  28
 24 Morningstar              45   6   9  30   41  102  -61  27

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin Wanderers       45  28  14   3  85  32  +53  98
  2 Stahlburg City            45  26  14   5  76  30  +46  92
  3 Stahlburg Rovers          45  26  11   8  63  39  +24  89
  4 Chatswood                 45  25  12   8  66  38  +28  87
  5 Cranequin City            45  24  10  11  67  47  +20  82
  6 Brookford Otters          45  24   9  12  80  47  +33  81
  7 South Laithland           45  20  13  12  70  47  +23  73
  8 Parrhesia United          45  21   9  15  87  62  +25  72
  9 Vermillion Wanderers      45  20  11  14  58  52   +6  71
 10 Belgrave                  45  18  11  16  64  62   +2  65
 11 Goodfeather FC            45  19   7  19  63  54   +9  64
 12 Leichhardt                45  18   8  19  40  44   -4  62
 13 West Brinemouth           45  15  15  15  38  44   -6  60
 14 Armstrong                 45  14  14  17  41  50   -9  56
 15 Mantlegrove               45  15   7  23  49  68  -19  52
 16 Ritter Town               45  12  14  19  52  57   -5  50
 17 Hackett                   45  14   6  25  42  63  -21  48
 18 AFC Serpentine            45  11  13  21  50  71  -21  46
 19 Crisisbless Athletic      45  11  13  21  55  78  -23  46
 20 Iron City                 45  11  12  22  47  69  -22  45
 21 Extreme Hills             45  10  13  22  52  93  -41  43
 22 Coret Rovers              45  10   9  26  53  75  -22  39
 23 The Strongest             45  10   9  26  52  81  -29  39
 24 Greygate                  45   5  12  28  33  80  -47  27

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chardonnay Rangers           45  28  11   6  78  34  +44  95
  2 Rochford                     45  26  11   8  77  43  +34  89
  3 Peregrine                    45  26   8  11  99  53  +46  86
  4 Gonen's Bridge               45  23  11  11  71  47  +24  80
  5 Dartmouth Terriers           45  20  14  11  58  43  +15  74
  6 Riverkey                     45  20  12  13  45  31  +14  72
  7 Stonegrave                   45  18  17  10  53  35  +18  71
  8 Pillars of Southfell         45  19  14  12  45  33  +12  71
  9 Alliance Barossia            45  17  17  11  45  42   +3  68
 10 Corinthians No Longer        45  18  11  16  67  67   +0  65
 11 Locksley                     45  17  13  15  63  58   +5  64
 12 Barossia United              45  16  14  15  49  45   +4  62
 13 Southriver                   45  16  12  17  64  75  -11  60
 14 AFC Shale                    45  15  12  18  43  44   -1  57
 15 Sheridan                     45  14  13  18  43  49   -6  55
 16 Ballardine FC                45  12  16  17  43  57  -14  52
 17 Crossroads Town              45  14   7  24  49  67  -18  49
 18 West Hook                    45   9  20  16  39  50  -11  47
 19 The Hanged Man               45  10  14  21  32  52  -20  44
 20 Kommissar                    45  10  13  22  48  72  -24  43
 21 Lazuli Diamonds              45   8  17  20  56  81  -25  41
 22 East Laithland Harriers      45  11   8  26  43  70  -27  41
 23 Ox River United              45   7  19  19  27  49  -22  40
 24 Iron United                  45  10   8  27  29  69  -40  38

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Falston United         45  30   9   6   70  38  +32  99
  2 Aries Solitaire        45  31   5   9   95  45  +50  98
  3 Boltcroft Thorns       45  30   7   8  103  53  +50  97
  4 Autumnstone            45  24  10  11   78  52  +26  82
  5 Gosmouth Swans         45  24   8  13   90  57  +33  80
  6 Strephonage            45  23   9  13   60  48  +12  78
  7 Martella Jazz          45  18  16  11   75  60  +15  70
  8 Fully Sick XI          45  19  11  15   71  62   +9  68
  9 Brindleton             45  20   7  18   60  54   +6  67
 10 Kensey Town            45  19   9  17   57  55   +2  66
 11 South Parrhesia        45  16  15  14   66  63   +3  63
 12 Brokenarch             45  16  12  17   52  59   -7  60
 13 Falston Town           45  17   7  21   76  69   +7  58
 14 Sutcroft               45  15  11  19   57  59   -2  56
 15 Hartford Glade         45  15  11  19   59  65   -6  56
 16 Sirencall FC           45  17   4  24   64  85  -21  55
 17 Brunyard FC            45  15   8  22   61  75  -14  53
 18 Long Lake              45  10  18  17   27  46  -19  48
 19 Mapleford              45  12  10  23   58  77  -19  46
 20 Bodkin Road            45  12   9  24   49  85  -36  45
 21 Sutcroft Athletic      45  10  14  21   42  62  -20  44
 22 Ingram Township        45   9  15  21   35  56  -21  42
 23 Downsparrow            45  10  10  25   49  78  -29  40
 24 Fischer                45   6   9  30   42  93  -51  27

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 FC Seierstad            38  24   8   6  66  33  +33  80
  2 Rushe United            38  22   7   9  73  40  +33  73
  3 Harrington              38  22   5  11  66  45  +21  71
  4 Ringway                 38  21   7  10  60  38  +22  70
  5 Crownsend Journey       38  20   9   9  77  44  +33  69
  6 Lockheed Zenith         38  21   6  11  63  40  +23  69
  7 Stonesthrow Town        38  16  12  10  50  43   +7  60
  8 Courser                 38  15  11  12  47  54   -7  56
  9 Iberia Chenoworth       38  15  10  13  87  73  +14  55
 10 Riverkey Shells         38  15   9  14  49  54   -5  54
 11 Boleyn Town             38  15   7  16  36  32   +4  52
 12 Grovebank               38  14  10  14  44  45   -1  52
 13 Aspen Grove             38  11  13  14  55  55   +0  46
 14 AFC Hellerine           38  11   9  18  55  60   -5  42
 15 Sleetwell Rangers       38  10  10  18  37  66  -29  40
 16 Chenoworth Teutons      38   9  11  18  32  49  -17  38
 17 Fenland Albion          38  10   6  22  30  45  -15  36
 18 Swag Hill Rovers        38   9   8  21  48  82  -34  35
 19 Dross Rovers            38   8   7  23  30  68  -38  31
 20 Capricopia Rangers      38   5   9  24  37  76  -39  24

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rochford Pilgrims         38  23   5  10  71  38  +33  74
  2 Stamper Road              38  20  10   8  72  40  +32  70
  3 Pravenna Saints           38  20  10   8  64  34  +30  70
  4 Caldwick Strand           38  20  10   8  52  36  +16  70
  5 Cranequin Souths          38  18  15   5  64  39  +25  69
  6 Brookford Vantablack      38  20   8  10  56  36  +20  68
  7 Gridlock                  38  16  11  11  41  33   +8  59
  8 AFC Burchess              38  14  11  13  52  49   +3  53
  9 Rookwall                  38  14   9  15  45  46   -1  51
 10 Twelvetrees               38  13  11  14  43  45   -2  50
 11 Corvistone City           38  13  10  15  40  37   +3  49
 12 The Travellers FC         38  13   8  17  54  54   +0  47
 13 Brookway Town             38  11  11  16  36  55  -19  44
 14 AFC Volksgarten           38  11   9  18  34  53  -19  42
 15 Constance Park            38  11   8  19  33  46  -13  41
 16 Blaze                     38  11   8  19  49  67  -18  41
 17 South Brill               38  11   7  20  38  47   -9  40
 18 Corby Hubris              38   9  11  18  39  71  -32  38
 19 Rhyburn Swifts            38  10   7  21  51  79  -28  37
 20 Coral Bay                 38   8   9  21  37  66  -29  33

by **Nephara** » Wed Jan 09, 2019 4:13 pm

THIRD DIVISION FINALE
Falston United held the title within their own grasp… but the Ceyne Islander side let it slip. There’s talk they may exit the league and contest the recently-formed Ceynes Super-League, but the club has hotly denied this. In any case, they go down 2-0 in the first half to midtable Brokenarch, in front of an underwhelmed home crowd; they pull it back to 2-2, and hit a post in the closing stages, but are unable to get the third they need. That’s no trouble at all for Aries Solitaire, who put three past Downsparrow, while the Thorns round out the top three despite defeat. Autumnstone also secure a second straight promotion, though they also left it late to beat Mapleford in a 3-2 thriller with Mapleford fighting for their lives. Fortunately for them, Bodkin Road were edged out by the Swans at home, and with Sutcroft Athletic beating Long Lake, slip into the drop. Ingram win, but results elsewhere condemn them; Downsparrow and a dismal Fischer side round out the bottom. Seierstad and Rushe United clamber up from the West, Rochford Pilgrims and Stamper Road from the East; Pravenna Saints are edged out on goal difference, disastrously for their future, and they’ll be forced to operate on neutral soil another year.

SECOND DIVISION FINALE
There’s nothing left to discuss at the top. Chardonnay Rangers already have the title sewn up, despite defeat in Ballardine; Rochford (the only one of the four to win), Peregrine and Gonen’s Bridge join them. Kommissar and the Hanged Man have survival in their hands, but lose; the Diamonds and Ox River lose their own shots, leaving the invincible East Laithland Harriers to drag themselves clear with a 1-0 win over River. The Hanged Man, therefore, get to stay up by the skin of their teeth; Kommissar, not so lucky.

FIRST DIVISION FINALE
Key Fixtures
West Brinemouth vs. Stahlburg Rovers
Ritter Town vs. Chatswood
Stahlburg Rovers need to win to secure third place and automatic promotion. Failing that, a victory for Chatswood would leapfrog them.

Belgrave vs. Extreme Hills
Greygate vs. Iron City
A point for Iron City against the wooden-spooners would be enough, thanks to an overwhelming advantage on goal difference. If they lose, the Hounds could save themselves with a win in a much tougher fixture.

The day kicks off in predictable fashion, Stahlburg City’s Kantaroff effortlessly breezing past the Athletic leftback and lofting a cross to Isabella Shi, who chests the ball down and hammers it past Qatintiki. The first goal of what could be many, and who knows? If they score sixteen more, Athletic might even be drawn into the relegation picture. Serpentine are in the same situation, but get on the scoresheet early against Goodfeather, which helps. But first, Hills have a hole to dig themselves out of. They get off to a good start against an experimental Belgrave side, Ivor Roxham going up in the air and winning a challenge against Naess, knocking a long ball from Sigournay up to Maribel Garrido, who really doesn’t need to be told twice; he drags it away from his marker and rifles it past Connell. But not long afterwards, Constance Strober scores at the other end with a deft strike that a wrong-footed Tournay tries to save with her feet but can only clip deeper into the net. She’s then beaten from distance by Emeraude Tanner, who can hit one, and the Hounds are back in strife. Still, they have a lifeline from an unlikely source. Kotaro Westfield chooses now to score a mighty fifth goal from 41 games, having his first shot blocked by a desperate lunge from Elsa Durant but controlling the rebound, getting around her and dragging his shot around Hornwood. Greygate are 1-0 up, against the odds. Iron fans sweat. Meanwhile, at the top of the table, Stahlburg Rovers go into the break 1-0 up through a classic source, Adele Rosborough with a clever disguised pass to play Drusilla Moxey past West Brinemouth’s line, and the winger rattles it past Terrano, off the inside of the post and into the net. The Hounds find some joy in injury time, Garrido with his second of the match, taking his chances from just outside the box and finding the bottom corner. Iron fans sweat harder. Meanwhile, in Cranequin, City are down 4-0 already by a Parrhesia side that’s at least determined to end their season in style, while Leichhardt have found two goals from Ingrid Auttenberg to hold an advantage over Brookford; Cranequin Wanderers, meanwhile, are scoreless against a South Laithland side that have looked threatening and had a penalty shout called down. Could they seriously fuck up the century?

Hounds manager Malta Falconer’s a hell of an optimist, but even her heart has to sink when, just two minutes into the second half, Belgrave’s Retta Conrad jinks into the box and is clipped by Fiete Kinnett, going down like a sack of bricks. Penalty duties go to captain Quin Markranstadt in his final game for the club… and he aims it too close to the centre, sees it beaten sharply away by Tournay then cleared by Ciernik, Hills’ one capable defender. Worse still for the Gargoyles, Hills retake the lead, Desdemona Schuster trying her luck from outside the box, a heavy deflection taking it past Connell for 3-2. Suddenly, they’re staying up! Greygate flex on Iron City by bringing Jari Ricketts on off the bench, the hapless fullback having had his position usurped by a 34-year old from the Christopheran league midway through the season. Iron make them pay for their hubris, though it’s down the left they find their joy, with Marcin Faehrmann finding space, then playing in Preussler who has a shot blocked - but 21-year old gun midfielder Annika Netzach gets on the end of it, taking one touch to let it run with her before hammering it between Rowett’s legs with her second. Prudence Bourne almost gets her first goal of the season from defensive midfield, on top of it, but hits the crossbar, and Alanna Halmark is denied sharply by Rowett. The Hounds are no longer staying up; even less so, when Meredith Sloan stabs home unmarked from the edge of the area. 3-3 there, 1-1 in Greygate. Ritter, meanwhile, had the edge over Chatswood in the first half, but they’ve lacked intensity in the second. Konstanze Luitgard pounces. First, pressing centre-half Lucex-Ilinx into coughing up possession before snap-shooting past St. Preux before she can work out what’s going on, before finding herself in the right place at the right time. Conleth swings in a cross, Vestal and St. Preux both go up for it - Vestal winning with some ‘help’ from his arms, knocking it down to where Luitgard is waiting to tap home. Better still, St. Preux is sent off for a scuffle with Vestal after the fact, followed by dissent in quick succession. Ritter now have ten, and Chatswood are free to take Luitgard off to cheers from the away end, bring on Blankman to bulk out the midfield and hold on for the win. It now rests on West Brinemouth, for whom Aris Daskalakis (who has scored fifteen of their 38 goals this season) forces Bolander into a scrambling save. Poxay swings in the corner, and it finds Hector Reiss at the far post, the big defender making no mistake and practically running into the post with his momentum. The two new signings have levelled for West Brinemouth, and the Rovers can’t find an answer in the last ten minutes. Nor can the Hounds, overstretched against Belgrave and bisected with an excellent ball from Hamilton and a cool-as-you-like finish from Strober. It’s not enough time for Stahlburg City to put twenty goals past Athletic, but they should be happy with a 3-0 win anyway. It is enough time for Cranequin Wanderers to break down South Laithland through goals from Taani and Loxton, and they do limp to 101 points. Chatswood leapfrog the Rovers into third; Iron stay up, at Hills’ expense.

PREMIERSHIP FINAL FIXTURES
Sabrefell Moths vs. Sabrefell Athletic
Morningstar vs. AFC Treason
Diamondqueen vs. Vermillion Rage
Chenoworth Rovers vs. Aries Chariots
Corvette Maulers vs. Coret Hawks
North Sabrefell vs. Starling
Crisisbless United vs. Creed United
North Laithland vs. Newrook City
AFC Corvistone vs. Bishop
Cypher Town vs. Chenoworth Harriers
Crisisbless vs. Raven River
Southfell United vs. Brinemouth

There’s a lot of good football still to be played… without a whole lot of ramifications. It’s situations like this that the playoff place shines; with two utterly appalling sides shitting up the league all season, Diamondqueen and Creed United will be left to try and clamber over them to safety while wrestling back the other, like the proverbial crabs in a boiling pot. As for the others, the obvious star is the last-day Sabrefell derby that the ‘unique’ fixturing process loves to throw up, like how Brinemouth ended about ten seasons in a row at Chatswood to spark their rivalry.

KICKOFF!
1 mins - And straight from the kick-off, some lovely gamesmanship. Everyone knows River goalkeeper Taliadoros loves standing off her line to sweep. Airik Ruhl and Kurtis Laiota, up front for Crisisbless today, sure know; they exchange a knowing smirk in the halfway line, then Laiota rolls it to Ruhl to absolutely leathers it, coming closer than he has any right to to lofting it past Taliadoros… but she trots back enough to have it covered, as the ball hits the top of the netting. Taliadoros looks bashful.
2 mins - There’s nothing like a Sabrefell derby. Two sides who hate each other in a seething cauldron, green vs. red, both playing four-four-fucking-two at that. Jon Haines slams Hakki Ojala into the ground with both studs, and as the naturalised Cosumarite rolls around a bit, Federico Serra storms over to go scream obscenities in his face. That’s what it’s about!
3 mins - It could be a long night for Morningstar stopper Jakob Carter. Still, he reacts sharply when called upon. Rosen clips Lorelei Neptune’s heels when she’s beaten, and Trahearne curls the resulting free kick over the wall. Carter’s initial placement is maybe a bit suspect, but he bounds across quickly to claw the ball away.
4 mins - Central defensive partnerships that really shouldn’t work: Julian Parable and Gloria King. Daniella Strauss tried a lot of parts. Goodharvest and Fraser couldn’t make the step up; Fallon was too old. And that left Parable, who spent most of his time in midfield or at rightback and is now 34. Somehow, he’s the one who stuck. He heads out a cross from Trifon Draxler here - Draxler, despite early promise, turned out to be, well, no Naeher. The 30-year old’s set for the scrap heap after this season, though he should be a good winger for a good home somewhere.
5 mins - Trifon Draxler is also no Morena Deventer, unless Deventer does turn into Draxler. Still, she already seems too good for that cautionary tale. The Brinemouth winger cuts in and out of Vercauteren before hammering a shot against the base of the post, Loris Aldous sprawling for show. The Dockers look dangerous.
6 mins - GOAL! The Rovers are punished for a sluggish start to the match, Svenskah ceding the ball under pressure from Seamster, who splits the defence with a ball down the right. Lazarou picks it up, cuts inside and rather than centring it to Sierra or Riske, just settles for ramming it past Britton’s near post instead. CHR 0-1 ARC.
7 mins - Diamondqueen, for their part, are mostly trying to work their way into the game by passing the ball around cautiously. A draw could well be good enough for them… unless Creed get the second win of Rutherford’s tenure. And Vermillion have already spooked them once or twice with quick pressing, but Ramelow’s the only goalkeeper to make a save, Bronson floating a long shot straight at her.
8 mins - Creed, meanwhile, are snapping into the Chequers like they’re rabid dogs. At least they’re showing some bite, but when Crisisbless United have managed to pass the ball, they’ve done so dangerously. Oh, and Sanger’s already got a booking. Lovely.
9 mins - As always, do feel free to email in and give me more plates to spin. You will probably be ignored; definitely if it’s about the dip in the coefficient. It’s all very sad but it’s also extremely not my problem or something I have any idea how to deal with. All I’ll say is this - we managed an incredible run at the top. One dip isn’t enough for a call for a longer winter break or a reduction of teams, for mine.
10 mins - GOAL! Corvistone, who will fancy themselves to be one of the hopefully-relevant-again top seven next season (but won’t manage it, God willing) take the lead against Bishop. Conan Estelline’s lineup contains Andrey Mincham at centre-half, Gared Kuepher in midfield and an assortment of academy promotes on the bench. It’s not a lineup, it’s a cry for help. Anyway, Morham scores with a deft little flick from outside the box, given too much time and space by whoever Kearney Smith is. CVS 1-0 BIS.
11 mins - Diamondqueen almost take the lead! Vermillion might have been dominant so far, but nice midfield interplay is all very well and good from the Diamonds until suddenly, Taheri weights a brilliant ball over the top of Vermillion’s defence. It actually glances off neophyte defender Skondreas’ head, but Sett Horn races to get there first, does so, but then drags his shot wide. Lyritzis was open, and screaming for it!
12 mins - “Kearney Smith’s actually made twenty appearances this season in all competitions and has looked pretty solid on the whole,” remarks presumed Bishop fan until proven innocent Gregor Mallon. I don’t care, Greg. He is chaff to me. And, apparently, to Morham, who deserves to be in a much nicer club than Corvistone.
13 mins - Concerning Brinemouth: Kuznetsov’s had most of the plaudits, due to his insane goal ratio and his frequently insane actions on the pitch. And gushing about Bryger Tidesson was maybe seen as passe since he cost so damn much. But, uh, it bears mention that Tidesson is really, really good. He practically ends Sergei Evans’ career just now by taking Brymora’s throw onto his boot so gently, just sliding past him as Evans careened past, before bombing inside, cutting inside Beitar and shooting. Aldous holds up well, keeps big, manages to beat it away for a corner.
14 mins - GOAL! Wow! Who could have seen this coming! A ball into the middle, Sloane Kirkland has about a full minute to gape at it, wondering what she’s meant to do, before Aristide Metzger steals ahead of her with it and insolently taps it past Carter with the outside of his boot. MRN 0-1 TRE.
15 mins - Ask me better questions, peons!
16 mins - When you tire of Kurtis Laiota, you tire of life. When he’s up with Ruhl, he really is like the big Cosumarite’s slightly smaller, noticeably less gifted and somehow even angrier brother, and when he’s flagged for a high boot in the chase of a Staunton cross (name a more iconic duo) he and Ruhl get right up in the referee’s face. Ruhl right behind Laiota like some kind of Cunty Striker Matryoshka.
17 mins - Diamondqueen against Vermillion is heating up. Rangy defensive midfielder Ferena Rauch has been a real revelation for Vermillion this season, but two lashing challenges in the space of three minutes get a booking from aquiline referee Justine Kendall. Imogen Jeweler wants more than that for her, and has to be held back by Hartley before talking herself into the book.
18 mins - GOAL! North Sabrefell have had most of the ball against Starling, and the Passerines have largely let them. They’ve backed themselves to take their chances where they come, though. Roxel has a pass intercepted neatly by Kymeri, who opens up Starling’s left with a killer ball. The Bohemians scramble to defend that flank, Andisori rolls the ball back to the leftback Castor, who centres for the unmarked Dostalok to slam home from the right. NSF 0-1 STA.
19 mins - Mae Hansard offers a better question. Specifically, she asks about prospects from the First (even Second? Not Second.) Division that might make the step up next season. First name that springs to mind would have to be Michael Koller. Someone must save him from Leichhardt, or at least try. Claudia Bohr’s another good centre-half with the Otters, and, hell, Nils Armbruster at Serpentine is due a move given he’s why the Dragons stayed up.
20 mins - Wow! Someone tell Reinhard Meixner this game doesn’t mean anything to the Chequers! Creed come down the right flank with menace, before Conway plays Sanger past Law. Sanger whips in a low cross, Dejan Corvell flicks the ball towards the top corner with his first touch, it should be a brilliant goal, but Meixner comes flying up to the top corner and flicks the ball over the top!
21 mins - GOAL! Ooh, spicy! Malachi Chalk, the former Southfell midfielder - though the home crowd bears him no ill will - goes with an… overoptimistic pass towards Kuznetsov from halfway. It’s overhit and Aldous gets there first, quite comfortably, hoofing it into high heaven. It drops to Heimat, who cuts inside, draws off two, three markers, before managing to play her way out of trouble, passing to Kuepper, who plays in Harriet Michail, who hammers the opening goal past Bull! Southfell’s B-List takes the lead! SFU 1-0 BRI.
22 mins - And at the other end in Crisisbless, United almost take the lead. Now it’s Anthoulis Matraxis’ time to earn his corn, as the away fans desperately hope the good version of Matraxis shows up. Antelmi flicks a pass forward to Lennox who turns on a penny and drags a pass across to Sigrun Rivers, who races clear of the entire Creed defence, tries to loft the ball over Matraxis… but the goalkeeper keeps himself big, actually manages to catch the ball over his head, and collapses onto it.
23 mins - GOAL! Rashica Horvath lunges a boot between Tarran Seamster’s feet, stealing the ball away from him and over to Julia Thane. The winger doesn’t need to be asked twice, and surges down the right, playing a neat one-two with the clever, mobile Horvath before cutting inside and shooting. Commerford reacts sharply to parry it away, but ready to pounce on the rebound is Lexi Farrakhan for her tenth goal of the season. CHR 1-1 ARC.
24 mins - GOAL! Gared Kuepher misses a tackle in midfield and suddenly Corvistone are through, Ivan Pangallo advancing with menace before picking out Kathryn Kvanderwyk on the edge of the box. She kills the strike unnervingly dead with her first touch, and swings it past Krieven with her second long before a flat-footed Mincham can do anything helpful like actually mark her. CVS 2-0 BIS.
25 mins - For all Bishop’s deficiencies, when the buzzards come to fuss over their corpse and pick out the choice scraps, Alyss Driver must be at the forefront of some peoples’ minds. She’s a cunning, classy box-to-box midfielder who’ll be 24 by the time next season kicks off. Shore and Rannon could be picked up, too. And as for their re-promotion hopes, there’s just a feeling that this whole time Ulrike Jensen’s been a flying 1Div striker masquerading as a decidedly mediocre Premiership one… Deshawn Ierardi will be a class above, as well. It’s just a matter of keeping ahold of Conan Estelline, who really can get the best out of them. He’s promised wholesale changes.
26 mins - GOAL! Raquel Woods is another player who is making her swansong today, but the Newrook captain’s got one last trick in her book. She races clear as soon as the Spiders turn over the ball, Couturiaux finding her with a perfectly-timed ball, and she lofts in a cross to the space between the Spiders’ scattered defenders. On the end of it, Farrell dives in with a header, but it’s too close to Fairweather - but could she have done more to scoop the ball to the sides? No, she beats it back where it came from, and behind Farrell, Ocokoljic steams in to batter home the rebound. NLA 0-1 NRC.
27 mins - Penalty shout turned down for Diamondqueen! Minka Bronson hits a diagonal ball towards Horn, but it doesn’t get far before Hecia Barksdale blocks it. With an arm? Yes, but in a natural position - at least, that’s presumably Kendall’s reasoning. Jeweler almost talks herself into the book again.
28 mins - GOAL! Sometimes, Imriel Townsend just does her thing, twirling insolently by three markers before lofting a strike over Aurier (which takes some doing!) from outside the box. You know she’ll be asked ‘cross or shot?’ after the game; you know she’ll say shot, and you’ll believe her, because Imriel Townsend is very good at football. The crowd goes wild. SFM 1-0 SFA.
29 mins - The goal is just reward for Sur Arora winning the Mind Games™ prior to the match. Tom Benedict got things started, suggesting the Moths would be exhausted after their exertions in the Champions Cup, and well-beaten by Athletic’s fresh legs. Arora replied drily; “He’s really bragging about how his club crashed out in the prelims?” OUCH.
30 mins - Concerning best marketable 1Div talent: Marcia Kurz from Brinemouth suggests West Brinemouth midfielder Andrea Kurz for consideration. She’s got a point, but I’m going to ignore her analysis in favour of my own; Kurz is quality. She’s got a great first touch, two strong feet, and the physicality to thrive a setp above while still being a technical player overall. Oh, yeah, and six goals last season for a side that Does Not Score isn’t bad, either. She’d be a very River signing, or some other lower-midtable side looking to turn an eventual profit.
31 mins - … Wait a second...
32 mins - GOAL! Ahh, the difference a quality striker makes. Corvette hog the ball for about a minute and a half, tapping it around to try and find a hole in the Hawks’ armour. They do, or more accurately Gerwyn Clarke does, managing to find enough space to weight a through-ball beyond Coret’s defence. Seemingly beyond Norval, as well, but the pacy forward springs past her mark, outmuscles Valkanis’ hand on her shoulder, stretches out her leg and gets enough force into a flick of the boot to force it between Lethbridge’s legs. CVM 1-0 COH.
33 mins - Corvette have had a remarkable season. Not only have Leichhardt struggled in the league below, but the Maulers have stayed up with a couple of games to spare. They’ve been lucky with injuries, perhaps, and their prospects next season still look remote without serious investment… but no matter what happens next year, manager Daniella Strauss has catapulted herself into prominence.
34 mins - GOAL! Brinemouth have been hammering on the door! They want that win against the Tanners, and they do at least pull one back, a quick throw from Close catching Vercauteren off-guard, letting Deventer in. She blasts in a cross, Grant clears it, Soederquist manages to trap it and chest it down, sliding in Malachi Chalk on the edge of the area. The Southfell defence is scattered, and can’t converge before Chalk slides a shot across Aldous. SFU 1-1 BRI.
35 mins - Chalk doesn’t celebrate against his former club. He might have cause to over the break, though. Rumour is he’s declared for and is set to be called up by Brenecia, whose struggle to find younger personnel of any quality is well-documented.
36 mins - GOAL! A shot from Kranevitter is tipped nimbly around the post by Smordal. Sometimes, the Bohemians struggle to find a way through, for all their tipping and tapping. At times like this, it helps that they have a great set piece taker in Kranevitter, and a powerful defender with a forceful leap and a surprising eye for goal in Basmath Clinton, who rises highest to bullet home her fourth goal of the season. NSF 1-1 STA.
37 mins - After heating up for a bit, Diamondqueen and Vermillion have had a quiet few minutes. Carina Taheri’s had the only shot on target of the past seven minutes, off a free kick won by the target man Lyritzis. It’s from a fair ways out; Taheri can hit them, but Leila Ramelow didn’t have to stretch too far to punch it away from danger. Diamonds with most of the ball but little penetration.
38 mins - GOAL! Treason have been peppering Jakob Carter’s goal with shots. The former Brinemouth man’s proven equal, but there’s little he can do with a quick throw from Bayliss leaves Longship stranded, freeing Neptune to swing in a nice, juicy cross for John Fletcher to knock down for Metzger and Metzger, in turn, to hammer into the net. MRN 0-2 TRE.
39 mins - This has absolutely been a breakthrough season for Aristide Metzger, vindicating the sturdy striker’s decision to stay with his hometown club rather than moving for more game-time. True, he’s often been pulled off on the hour to 75-minute mark for Roddy Fraser to find a breakthrough (what an impact substitute to be able to call on!) but it suits both players better than the converse arrangement. The veteran Fraser has always been a player about the little moments - Metzger presses and hustles and closes down, and then finishes powerfully on top of that. He’s still no Estrella Hawke, but who is? His Cormorants place should be assured.
40 mins - GOAL! Speaking of Hawke… all she needs is an inch, a flicked pass from Ojala she takes on her chest, lets fall and hammers into the underside of the crossbar. It… bounces on the line and back out, but Hawke doesn’t waste time crying over spilt milk, springing over a fallen Griffin and past a flat-footed Elden to head home the rebound, her 29th of the season in the league. SFM 1-1 SFA.
41 mins - Jess Garland offers this pearl of wisdom; “The First Division has a lot of perfectly good strikers in the prime of their careers, after the Homecoming - and this season’s been all about strength in depth. Cypher would be down if they hadn’t bought Coretta Rooke, and if Rooke hadn’t been able to step up and make up for Zalan after he was injured. I could easily see someone like Corona Sharpe or Kirsten Gemmill get picked up by a midtable team to add some bulk.” Agreed, but doesn’t accepting a role as a backup show a certain… lack of ambition? Paid off for Rooke (and Cypher), though, I’ll grant you that.
42 mins - Also on that note: it might be a controversial call, but Cypher are absolutely fucked if (when) they lose Olivia Nygard. Andrea Vardalos is a great manager, but so is Rivka Keaton, and this season exposed a lot of fault-lines. Ruo’s honeymoon is wearing off and her complete inability of control around her box is wearing thin, Hertzka and Brind are no world-beaters in defence, Anton Roben stagnated… they need a lot of players.
43 mins - GOAL! The breakthrough! After a nervy start, the Diamonds have grown into the upper hand against Vermillion, and this goal is a just reward. They do it their way, too, starting when an overhit ball from Paulsson goes all the way through to Jonason, who gets things moving from the back. Ystrad walks it out from defence, passing it to Reeve, to Taheri, Bronson, Jeweler, out to Unworth on the right, back to Taheri, who notices a hole in Vermillion’s defence and finds it with a drilled pass that finds Sett Horn, running. The sometimes-maligned Cosumarite doesn’t hesitate, and leathers it past Ramelow. DMQ 1-0 VRR.
44 mins - Word reaches Creed - well, more accurately, Crisisbless. People are not happy. Fans in burgundy groan; then, when Delphi Barbarouses tries her luck from approximately a hectare out and it’s skied into the stands, they groan again. Barbarouses is good, but there’s definitely been times where she’s tried too hard.
45 mins - GOAL! 17-year old leftback Lucy Almwood, who moved to Corvistone with her family from Eura as a child, gets an assist, some lovely interplay with Beretti letting her lay it off to the Eastfielder, who drags it across Krieven for the Crows’ third. Almwood becomes the youngest player to get a goal or assist this season! Cute. Anyway, Bishop are piss. CVS 3-0 BIS.
Injury time -

HALF-TIME
Sabrefell Moths 1-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Morningstar 0-2 AFC Treason
Diamondqueen 1-0 Vermillion Rage
Chenoworth Rovers 1-1 Aries Chariots
Corvette Maulers 1-0 Coret Hawks
North Sabrefell 1-1 Starling
Crisisbless United 0-0 Creed United
North Laithland 0-1 Newrook City
AFC Corvistone 3-0 Bishop
Cypher Town 0-0 Chenoworth Harriers
Crisisbless 0-0 Raven River
Southfell United 1-1 Brinemouth

As things stand, Diamondqueen will face Stahlburg Rovers in a playoff, while Creed United are relegated.

46 mins - And we’re off - and already, Desya Kuznetsov gets a chance to make it 40! Southfell are snoozing, Deventer is allowed to swing in a low cross, Kuznetsov sticks out a leg and Loris Aldous, going the other way, miraculously manages to throw himself against his momentum, flick his wrist and tip the ball around the post! That’s one of the saves of the season. Kuznetsov takes it gracefully - just joking. He screams.
47 mins - Penalty shout in Creed, but it’s fairly tenuous. Theoharous goes shoulder to shoulder with Karii Bruun and falls over, without much enthusiasm. But Bruun does get the last touch, the corner goes straight to Valeria, who wrestles Verlander and heads… straight at Meixner. No dramas for the Chequers.
48 mins - God, Reinhard Meixner is so good. So handsome. That chiselled jaw, that unshaven stubble, that FPS protagonist sandy blond hair. Where’d that scar on his cheek come from, anyway? Love him.
49 mins - GOAL! Penumbra Amokachi scores a very Penumbra Amokachi goal. Beatrice Stubbs rolls her the ball when she has her back to goal, pressing into Parable, and she flicks out a boot and backheels it past Acatha Feldman. CVM 1-1 COH.
50 mins - How will Coret fare in the Globe Cup next season, one wonders? Their recent takeover and big money splashed on new blood was… revealing. Their side is old. A lot of players will need replacing. A new striker, rightback and goalkeeper will be a must, and you could see them reinforcing other positions, too. And if they keep bringing out the chequebook, where could they peak?
51 mins - GOAL! That shakes things up at the bottom! Crisisbless United had surged forward on the attack, Lennox shaped to shoot, but Georgia Rodrigues put her body on the line, sliding in and blocking the strike full in the chest… and the rebound was cleared by Sanger, to Barbarouses, who turned and kept running. Suddenly the Chequers were in trouble, Barbarouses racing past Salz (god, they need a new DM), sliding the ball over to Korborg who, glory be! Recognised he couldn’t shoot from the angle he had, under pressure from Verlander, and centred for strike partner Dejan Corvell to drag past Meixner! Off comes the former Smiths and Kings Park marksman’s shirt, and off he runs into the away end. CRU 0-1 CRD.
52 mins - PENALTY! For Vermillion Rage! And you could argue Ramona Porter was asking for it… but it’s hard to see how it couldn’t have been given. Porter was prowling on the edge of the area, jinked outside Unworth suddenly, let her foot drag and Unworth caught it, clumsily. Isabella Cassadore steps up...
53 mins - GOAL! … and sends Karel Jonason the wrong way! Creed leapfrog the Diamonds! DMQ 1-1 VRR.
54 mins - The home fans Do Not Like Justine Kendall anymore. First Rauch staying on the pitch, then a penalty for Diamondqueen turned down earlier, now this. Fair calls, all, but…
55 mins - “Can we still discuss great 1Div prospects?” asks Florina Ingraham, who is about to do so anyway. Rude! “Tristan Polenz is absolutely done in the second tier. Watching Cranequin City, it’s clear how much of their attack relies on their rightback surging down the wing, and he’s immense defensively, too. It’s crazy Crisisbless United ever sold him.”
56 mins - An awful challenge from Fairbairn on Breremond puts her into the book. Diamondqueen’s fans boo that, too, though if anything it was leniant.
57 mins - GOAL! Chariots retake the lead against the Rovers, Lazarou with her second of the game, finishing neatly when Sierra nutmegs Ibex to play her one-on-one with Britton. CHR 1-2 ARC.
58 mins - A chance for Crisisbless United to level the scores! Andrya Novkovic burns a tiring Sanger down the left flank, hits in a high cross, and Jessica Lennox rises, heads downwards… and Matraxis throws out a boot to shin it to safety! Novkovic gets the rebound, takes a shot but puts too much power on it, and it goes high and wide.
59 mins - “My pick for First Division stars,” posits Lucius Kiran, “are definitely going to be in the Premiership next season, because they’re with City and Cranequin. Kresimir Brujah is such a brawler, strong and powerful and good with the ball, while Shona Butcher’s really come along in leaps and bounds.” Hard to disagree. Butcher in particular had a breakthrough season - she got relegated last year, of course, tidy as she looked in the process.
60 mins - GOAL! The Moths retake the lead! A period of intense pressure in and around their box, Athletic looking like they’re turning the screw… but one sloppy ball into the box from Bereveskos is hoofed clear by Shone, and on the end of it is Aedelbrandt, and suddenly the Moths are clear. A one-two with Claudio Romano lets Aedelbrandt hammer past an overstretched Gautier’s near post! The fans go wild - ones in green and in red, for different reasons. The latter have decided Aedelbrandt handled the ball from Shone - I don’t see it. SFM 2-1 SFA.
61 mins - Diamondqueen just… lack penetration. They have plenty of the ball, but Alexis Spurlock is looking smug on the touchline, putting her trust in her defence to put out all the fires. So far, they are. Minka Bronson’s been in Ferena Rauch’s pocket.
62 mins - GOAL! Another reminder, as if it was needed, that Cypher are going to miss Olivia Nygard. She takes a pass from Ferryman, rolls it under her feet, backs into Carroll, then turns her with her surprising strength and arrows a shot under a stunned Patterson. The Eagles take the lead! CYT 1-0 CHH.
63 mins - Morningstar are starting to get really bitty against Treason. The fans cheer as Lilith Thornwood stretches out her boot for a Rosen cross she’ll never reach, and it Just Happens to kick Treason goalkeeper Gideon Fletcher in the chest in the follow-through. That sparks a brawl, and a booking for Thornwood.
64 mins - GOAL! Newrook have been pretty dominant against North Laithland, holding them at arms’ reach. Now they double their lead - a free kick from Will Couturiaux (does anyone in the league hit them sweeter?) is headed home by Glenn Baumann, for the defender’s first Premiership goal. Baumann’s their fourth-choice centre-half, but he’s a decent enough player, even if he is a bit of a lug. NLA 0-2 NRC.
65 mins - Lukas Antelmi breaks clear after a lovely passing move, and then strings Matraxis’ palms with a powerful strike. For all the Creed goalkeeper’s faults, he’s been immense today.
66 mins - RED CARD! One has to wonder. Corvistone are 3-0 up against Bishop, who aren’t… doing anything, really. But Rain Delacruz - who has only been on for eleven minutes - has the ball taken off her by Alyss Driver and scythes her down from behind in reprisal. A straight red is really the only option.
67 mins - For people wondering if anything’s happened/happening in Crisisbless vs. River? Nnnnnope. Crisisbless midfield prospect Farina Luhukay looks good, at least.
68 mins - Diamonds getting a bit closer to their breakthrough. Bronson jinks past Rauch, finds Unworth down the right to lay it across to Sett Horn… who just gets it stuck between his feet, and when he sorts himself out and gets the shot off, Barksdale flies in to block it.
69 mins - GOAL! No, get your mind out of the gutter, there’s a goal to go over. Not that it matters much in the greater scheme of things. Saturn Mastiff, edge of the box, no pressure, slight deflection, bottom corner. MRN 0-3 TRE.
70 mins - Hestia Canaan’s been sent to the stands in the Laith, apparently finding Andreu Bartolnicci’s exuberant celebrations to much to bear. The pitchside mics pick up most of her tirade at Bartolnicci which is, in very strong wording, to ‘sit down and kindly be silent’.
71 mins - GOAL! The away fans in Southfell get what they came for. It’s not pretty, but Tidesson runs free down the right, skins Evans and drags the ball back into the box, Desya Kuznetsov sprints away off Beitar’s shoulder and hammers the strike into the bottom corner past Aldous, without even looking at the net. SFU 1-2 BRI.
72 mins - Only three players had managed more than thirty in a season before - Gerhard Thunder (33 in Nephara’s first UICA season, 47), Penumbra Amokachi (31 in 62) and Aaliyah Johnson (35 in 68). That’s number 40 for Kuznetsov. It may never be beaten. It’s sometimes unfashionable, gauche, to vote the top scorer as Player of the Year, but you don’t not vote a guy who scores 40 goals for POTY. And he’s a Debutant on top of that, so, there’s another award...
73 mins - All this talk of First Division talent makes you really look at that league this year. It’s the best it’s ever been, without a doubt, and honestly, Cranequin Wanderers are set to be one of those teams who just settles immediately back into midtable. Stahlburg City, too. It’s incredible they were ever relegated in the first place… sleeping giants, the both of them.
74 mins - GOAL! Disaster for the Diamonds! Breremond comes in from the right and cuts back, Ystrad chops it away, but not far enough - Conte gets on the ball, scoops it back to Ryan Paulsson, who puts his boot through it. Jonason gets down with admirable speed and gets fingers to it, but can’t redirect it away. DMQ 1-2 VRR.
75 mins - Back to 1Div for a moment. Chatswood also look like they could really ensconce themselves with some more investment, and should Stahlburg Rovers win the playoff, they’re looking pretty good, too. You could easily see every promoted side stay up! So who loses out? Corvette are still up against it, and Cypher’s squad won’t look great without Nygard (who, again, absolutely moving up in the world). Raven River, just quietly, have not looked in great shape for a while. Crisisbless United and North Laithland would also want to strengthen.
76 mins - GOAL! Well! So much for that! Bastian Salz bodies Barbarouses, Solbachen lofts the ball down the flank to Rivers, who Seip leaves all the space in the world to cut back inside to Lukas Antelmi. Rodrigues sees the danger, but as she lunges in, Antelmi cuts the ball back onto his left and she can’t readjust, leaving him free to pick his target and find the bottom corner. Matraxis is furious with his defence, and rightfully so. And now, Creed are set for relegation on goal difference! CRU 1-1 CRD.
77 mins - GOAL! The Chariots have dominated the Rovers today, and the third goal is just reward. This one takes them by surprise - a quickly-taken throw from young rightback Harper Ashcroft is chested down by Lazarou, then volleyed. It’s too hot for Britton to handle - the experienced goalkeeper will be disappointed to let that get through her hands at her near post with sheer power. CHR 1-3 ARC.
78 mins - Cheney Rutherford rings the changes for Creed. He’s got two subs left, the young, impetuous Karaiskakis having already replaced Theoharous - now Bristoll comes on for Keskin and the attack-minded leftback Reisman for the more conservative Seip. They need a goal.
79 mins - GOAL! Things get worse for Creed! Some slick, aggressive passing winds up with Valentina Fairbairn somehow the Diamonds’ furthest player forward, stalling on the edge of the box. Austad lunges to try and take the ball from her, but the Qad leftback dances away, before centring to Sett Horn as he rushes into the box, pursued by Skondreas. He takes it with one touch before powering it between Ramelow’s feet with his second, and suddenly the Diamonds are back in it! No time to celebrate, though, as Lyritzis and Barksdale wrestle over the ball in the net. DMQ 2-2 VRR.
80 mins - Creed have dominated the ball since going behind, and Axel Korborg shapes to shoot on the edge of the area… before stopping in his tracks and playing in Dejan Corvell as he runs past, but the veteran striker’s touch is too heavy. Meixner’s able to rush in and throw himself on the ball. Corvell follows through and kicks him in the chest out of sheer momentum, and that’s started some handbags that Creed really don’t need right now… Corvell goes in the book, eventually.
81 mins - Diamondqueen have nothing to lose. Off goes the exhausted defensive midfielder Reeve, on comes Danil Kowalczyk, club stalwart, scorer of a modest five goals this season. This could be his last appearance for the club - what a way this would be to close his account!
82 mins - GOAL! The Moths double their advantage! It’s the substitute Swansea Reach who gets things started from midfield - now there’s a tantalising future prospect - after a foul in no man’s land gives her the ball, and she releases Aedelbrandt past two flat-footed Athletic players. Aedelbrandt gets as far as Steve Fox before about-facing, rolling it across to Lux Vicelich, who lumps a seemingly aimless ball over the top… of everyone, until it meets the boot of Imriel Townsend sprinting in from the right! Gautier sees it late through a sea of bodies, and can’t get across to it as it flies in! SFM 3-1 SFA.
83 mins - Karel Jonason’s been a nervy operator this season, and the Diamonds’ stopper almost sinks them! A low strike from Porter, strong but straight at him, sees Jonason kneel and… almost fuck it up terribly. He fumbles it between his knees and has to turn quickly to fall on the ball, inches before it gets over the line.
84 mins - GOAL! Sometimes it’s important to remember Desya Kuznetsov isn’t the only striker on Brinemouth’s books, not by a long shot. Indeed, Kuznetsov’s even willing to pass to Iori Saitou when he finds a channel to run into. Chris Grant gets over quickly, but is turned both ways when Saitou wheels to his right, plays a neat one-two with rightback Crowe before wheeling around to smash the ball past Loris Aldous. Aldous could have gotten down faster but still - it’s a good goal, capping off a dominant performance. SFU 1-3 BRI.
85 mins - Suddenly for Creed, Barbarouses has the ball on the edge of the area, she shapes, she shoots, she-- puts it into the stands. Absolutely had to test the keeper there.
86 mins - Sorry, Beth from Cranequin, but right now the merits of Iron rightback Yulia Heidt are not the highest priority in my mind given the current situation. Thanks for the thought, though. Really.
87 mins - GOAL! Diamondqueen are pegged back again by, of all things, a free header. Porter breaks clear of just about everyone on the left and has all the time in the world to pick out a cross… does until Unworth comes steaming into her, but then she just defers it to Katarec, who hits one over to the far post. Nobody’s watching Cheney Breremond, who is not a small or subtle man, and he angles his header perfectly into the ceiling of the net! Tana Colbright is fuming on the sidelines! DMQ 2-3 VRR.
88 mins - Things are unbelievably tense in both camps, right now. One wonders what a Stahlburg Rovers fan must think of it all - really, they must be hoping to face rock-bottom morale Creed. Except that implies a Creed victory tonight, which would galvanise them.
89 mins - PENALTY! For Diamondqueen! Danil Kowalczyk makes a not-quite-instant impact, prowling with menace towards goal. He makes a feint inside - Sander Katarec’s not buying it - but when he jerks back out and tries to run in, the impetuous leftback grabs his shoulder and yanks him down. Kowalczyk doesn’t need a second invitation to go down! Kendall whistles, prompting sarcastic applause from the home crowd, and points to the spot!
90 mins - And… no! Horn’s chance at an equaliser and a hat-trick skims off the top of the crossbar! Fans hold their hands in their head, but this doesn’t really change anything… Creed still need a goal.
Injury time - GOAL! And one duly comes. Creed surge forward with desperate menace, but Barbarouses’ pass to Conway is… just tired, and Praxil Law dives in to hook it away somewhat melodramatically. The substitutes Bristoll and Kitzbichler contest it - fatefully, Kitzbichler wins the header, nodding it along to Antelmi, United’s danger man. He takes it on his chest and turns, hitting it long over the top to where another substitute, Kaija Koppel, has stolen a march on Valeria and Rodrigues. The two immediately slam into either side of her as Matraxis rushes in, but she flicks in a boot, flicks the ball over a despairing Matraxis, Sanger hooks the ball away… a metre over the line, and though she tragically thinks it’s enough, it isn’t. Nothing Creed have done in their abject second half of the season has been enough. They are down, and Diamondqueen, who never gave up the ghost, have a richly-deserved lifeline! CRU 2-1 CRD.

In the aftermath:

Aidan Brosque is signed by the Nephara national team on a four-year contract, starting with the next Copa Rushmori. The deal is thought to have been agreed in place since about halfway into this season, with Brosque initially reluctant until things fell apart at Crisisbless, with Lisa Amos reportedly the first-choice but with more of a desire to stay in the club game for the time being. Other names believed to be in the running were Cazadores manager Rook Cathar, Andreu Bartolnicci and Daniella Strauss. Crisisbless are believed to be looking for a candidate abroad.

Brinemouth also find themselves without a manager, Lujendra Mescalin hanging up his lanyard at 72. As a local, Michael Brandon is immediately the favourite to take over, but his more cautious style would represent a radical departure. He might be a more natural fit for Sabrefell Athletic, for whom Tom Benedict isn’t getting any younger, either. Alexis Spurlock leaves her post at Vermillion in enigmatic fashion, claiming that she finally delivered the football the board and fanbase had been clamoring for, and where exactly did that lead them? Vermillion immediately begin courting Daniella Strauss.

Cheney Rutherford is given the axe at Creed United, after a short, miserable stint did serious damage to his career - on these shores, at least. In a statement of intent, the Oathmen tie down Byron Caldwick, Georgia Rodrigues and Spahi Keskin to new contracts, hoping to keep ahold of their core and make reinforcements. Tana Colbright’s contract is up at the end of the season, and a renewal is believed to hinge on their survival in the playoff to come.

PREMIERSHIP FINAL RESULTS
Sabrefell Moths 3-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Morningstar 0-3 AFC Treason
Diamondqueen 2-3 Vermillion Rage
Chenoworth Rovers 1-3 Aries Chariots
Corvette Maulers 1-1 Coret Hawks
North Sabrefell 1-1 Starling
Crisisbless United 2-1 Creed United
North Laithland 0-2 Newrook City
AFC Corvistone 3-0 Bishop
Cypher Town 1-0 Chenoworth Harriers
Crisisbless 0-0 Raven River
Southfell United 1-3 Brinemouth

PROMOTION/RELEGATION PLAYOFF
Diamondqueen: (4-3-1-2) 1 - Jonason; 23 - Unworth, 4 - Ystrad, 6 - Hartley (c), 3 - Fairbairn; 8 - Taheri, 5 - Reeve, 15 - Jeweler; 10 - Bronson; 20 - Horn, 9 - Lyritzis
Substitutes: 12 - Tristram; 2 - Abel, 7 - Baylor, 11 - Kowalczyk, 18 - Sanabria, 21 - Sparrow, 23 - Frantisek

Stahlburg Rovers: (4-4-2) 1 - Bolander; 2 - Skalak (c), 19 - Sesay, 6 - Steelshrift, 18 - Colgan; 13 - Bellinghausen, 23 - Cordwood, 8 - Rosborough, 11 - Moxey; 10 - Kaskanis, 15 - Lovelock
Substitutes: 12 - Colmeyer; 3 - Scarratt, 4 - Colindon, 5 - Gaitatzis, 16 - Morgan, 21 - Radcliffe, 22 - Nagdalene

The Rovers went into this game as narrow favourites, a physical and assertive side who could never be accused of playing within themselves, as the Diamonds were occasionally, fatally, capable of. Elrik Raskine had allowed a touch more of a direct, physical edge to his team, and the results had spoken for themselves. But Tana Colbright insisted her own charges would feel free to assert themselves on their opposition in a way they’d been unable to of late. The early runnings seemed to vindicate her - Stefan Bolander, formerly of the Chariots, is tested sorely by a dipping volley from Bronson, before Bronson plays in Horn, who goes for power and misses entirely.

They’d rue that. Not long afterwards, the Rovers find joy down the right, the hard-eyed captain Belaskita Skalak ordering winger Bellinghausen forward before ignoring her - Fairbairn did not - and swinging in a luscious cross. Former River and DFC striker Kaskanis and Hartley contest it, but neither gets there. It wasn’t aimed at them, anyway. It was aimed at a diving header from Tristan Lovelock, one that leaves Jonason with no chance. But Diamondqueen trust in the plan, and their numbers in midfield tell. Under pressure, Cordwood - a destroyer, not a creator - cedes possession to Imogen Jeweler, who cuts the ball across to Carina Taheri, given all the time and space on the edge of the box to murder the ball into the top corner. Bolander hadn’t a hope in hell. Things tense up after that, and they enter the break level.

Diamondqueen’s optimism over the course of the match did not last long. The Rovers came into the second half tackling sharply, sending balls direct into the box, letting Kaskanis wrestle with defenders. Diamondqueen had to wear themselves out mentally and physically trying to pass their way out of trouble, and it was on one such occasion that they went behind. Under pressure from Kaskanis, Ystrad sold Gareth Unworth a hospital pass, one quickly stripped from him by Drusilla Moxey, who had a free channel to herself before rifling a strike past Jonason. And it was Moxey and Kaskanis who were again central to the Rovers’ third goal, as a Diamondqueen petred out, Cordwood cleaning out Bronson, Rosborough turning sharply, playing a one-two with Moxey to clear her way for a pass to Kaskanis, trapped on his chest before the experienced forward wrestled his way around Ystrad to pass along to Tristan Lovelock streaking by. The former Cenial United man made no mistake, one-on-one with Jonason, and made it 3-1.

Diamondqueen were frantic to get back into the match, but Stahlburg Rovers were finally willing to sit back - has Elrik Raskine learned how to kill a game? Young, fiery striker Dulcina Radcliffe came on for the veteran Kaskanis, and presented a real threat on the counter roaming around and hanging off Hartley’s shoulder. For the Diamonds’ part, both Bronson and Lyritzis tested Bolander, but the goalkeeper was equal to anything they could throw at him - motionless for a Sett Horn header that hit the upright above him. At the crucial hour, Diamondqueen just did not have the cutting edge at either end of the pitch... and, with 62% of possession, they go down. The Rovers will think, with some justification, that they’ve proven their value.

Diamondqueen 1 - 3 STAHLBURG ROVERS
Taheri 29’ // Lovelock 13’ 67’, Moxey 55’

NFA CUP FINAL
Southfell United: (4-1-3-2) 20 - Heidenreich; 31 - Bowyer, 5 - Grant (c), 19 - Blacktown, 3 - Evans; 8 - Hemeyer; 10 - Kuepper, 7 - Cordean, 11 - Fairfax; 9 - Marlowe, 12 - Gail
Bench: 1 - Aldous; 4 - Heimat, 6 - Beitar, 13 - Petridis, 18 - Vyntra, 21 - Michail, 23 - Marko

Cypher Town: (4-3-2-1) 1 - Ruo; 2 - Hamilton, 4 - Hertzka, 6 - Brind, 3 - Anderton (c); 15 - Voeller, 19 - Madine, 11 - Frey; 21 - Ferryman, 10 - McCosgraigh; 7 - Nygard
Bench: 25 - Fallowland; 5 - Roben, 8 - Petridis, 9 - Tihamer, 14 - Cairn, 17 - Rooke, 33 - Skapoulis

No overdog, here. Felipa Medina’s Southfell may be tipped by the bookies against a Cypher side bloodied by a long relegation dogfight, only narrowly averted by Andrea Vardalos, but they lacked the quality to be true standout favourites. Perhaps the overwhelming theme of the match, certainly the first half, was weariness. Southfell didn’t lack for desire, but the technique was lacking, and even Kuepper and Cordean seemed to lack inspiration, trying to press through the sheer volume of Cypher in midfield. Ruo was only tested twice, both by Marlowe - one optimistic strike from distance that stung her fingertips as she got it over the bar, another a powerful header… straight into her chest. But Ivan Hemeyer was proving a colossus in midfield, all but impassable, and Olivia Nygard often had to slide back into midfield for the ball, leaving them nobody to pass to up front.

Andrea Vardalos, surprisingly, was the one who opened things up in the second half. McCosgraigh, who had done nothing, did not emerge - Borbas Tihamer, the powerful if erratic target man, came on in her place. Tihamer’s impact was immediate, Hamilton with a speculative cross that he turned into a real chance, heading across at goal, and Heidenreich did well to get across and iron-palm-slam it away from danger. But clear-cut chances remained few and far between, until Alexa Ferryman seized the game by the throat. She started the move, cutting out a stray pass from Hemeyer and sliding it across to Hamilton, and finished it, after Hamilton hit it up to Tihamer, who chested it down forcefully enough it was an effective knock-down into Ferryman’s path as she charged forward, hammering her right boot through the ball and sending it beyond Heidenreich’s reach. When the goal came, the gate slammed shut again - Roben replacing the fatigued Nygard, who had not had the best of games - and Southfell could find no way through. Cypher, 20th in the league, could unbelievably celebrate a Cup.

Southfell United 0 - 1 CYPHER TOWN
Ferryman 72’

by **Nephara** » Wed Jan 09, 2019 4:13 pm

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Brinemouth               46  32   7   7  137   46  +91  103
  2 Sabrefell Moths          46  31   6   9   96   40  +56   99
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       46  29   7  10   80   46  +34   94
  4 AFC Treason              46  26   8  12   73   33  +40   86
  5 Newrook City             46  24  10  12   88   53  +35   82
  6 Coret Hawks              46  24   8  14   75   52  +23   80
  7 Starling                 46  23   6  17   70   54  +16   75
  8 Aries Chariots           46  22   8  16   72   58  +14   74
  9 Crisisbless              46  20  11  15   65   51  +14   71
 10 North Sabrefell          46  18  17  11   64   60   +4   71
 11 AFC Corvistone           46  20   9  17   75   72   +3   69
 12 Chenoworth Harriers      46  19   9  18   67   62   +5   66
 13 Chenoworth Rovers        46  20   6  20   66   72   -6   66
 14 Vermillion Rage          46  18   8  20   99   90   +9   62
 15 Raven River              46  16  13  17   66   71   -5   61
 16 Southfell United         46  16   9  21   61   81  -20   57
 17 Crisisbless United       46  15   6  25   59   84  -25   51
 18 North Laithland          46  15   6  25   49   79  -30   51
 19 Corvette Maulers         46  13  10  23   58  103  -45   49
 20 Cypher Town              46  13   9  24   40   60  -20   48
 21 Diamondqueen             46  11   8  27   48   87  -39   41
 22 Creed United             46  11   7  28   45   88  -43   40
 23 Bishop                   46   5  13  28   33   80  -47   28
 24 Morningstar              46   6   9  31   41  105  -64   27

TOP SCORERS
40 - Kuznetsov (BRI)
29 - Hawke (SFA)
28 - Romano (SFM)
25 - Conte (VRR)
23 - Ocokoljic (NRC)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Desya Kuznetsov (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Desya Kuznetsov (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Morena Deventer (BRI)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Desya Kuznetsov (BRI)
Team of the Year: Griffin (SFM); Pakkanen (NRC), Svensson (TRE), Hamilton (SFM), Pavlovic (COH), Close (BRI); Tidesson (BRI), Ocokoljic (NRC), Coltrane (SFA), Aedelbrandt (SFM); Hawke (SFA), Kuznetsov (BRI)
Bench: Na’Kefir (CRI); Fox (SFA), Zagorec (NRC), Townsend (SFM), Misidjan (TRE), Naeher (COH), Romano (SFM)
Manager of the Year: Daniella Strauss (CVM)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Cranequin Wanderers       46  29  14   3  87  32  +55  101
  2 Stahlburg City            46  27  14   5  79  30  +49   95
  3 Chatswood                 46  26  12   8  68  38  +30   90
  4 Stahlburg Rovers          46  26  12   8  64  40  +24   90
  5 Cranequin City            46  24  10  12  68  52  +16   82
  6 Brookford Otters          46  24   9  13  82  50  +32   81
  7 Parrhesia United          46  22   9  15  92  63  +29   75
  8 South Laithland           46  20  13  13  70  49  +21   73
  9 Vermillion Wanderers      46  20  11  15  58  54   +4   71
 10 Belgrave                  46  19  11  16  68  65   +3   68
 11 Goodfeather FC            46  19   8  19  64  55   +9   65
 12 Leichhardt                46  19   8  19  43  46   -3   65
 13 West Brinemouth           46  15  16  15  39  45   -6   61
 14 Armstrong                 46  15  14  17  42  50   -8   59
 15 Mantlegrove               46  15   7  24  49  69  -20   52
 16 Ritter Town               46  12  14  20  52  59   -7   50
 17 Hackett                   46  14   7  25  43  64  -21   49
 18 AFC Serpentine            46  11  14  21  51  72  -21   47
 19 Iron City                 46  11  13  22  48  70  -22   46
 20 Crisisbless Athletic      46  11  13  22  55  81  -26   46
 21 Extreme Hills             46  10  13  23  55  97  -42   43
 22 Coret Rovers              46  11   9  26  55  75  -20   42
 23 The Strongest             46  10  10  26  53  82  -29   40
 24 Greygate                  46   5  13  28  34  81  -47   28

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Isabella Shi (STC) and Ann Reus (PAR) - 28
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Shona Butcher (CRW)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Arista Tzorvas (RIT)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Portia Taani (CRW)
Team of the Year: Spyrakis (PAR), Polenz (CRC), Orsay (SBC), Bishop (CHT), Keane (SBC); Kudelka (CRW), Grear (CHT), Butcher (CRW), Moxey (SBR); Shi (SBC), Taani (CRW)
Manager of the Year: Dan Keel (CRC)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chardonnay Rangers           46  28  11   7  79  37  +42  95
  2 Rochford                     46  27  11   8  79  43  +36  92
  3 Peregrine                    46  26   9  11  99  53  +46  87
  4 Gonen's Bridge               46  23  12  11  71  47  +24  81
  5 Dartmouth Terriers           46  21  14  11  61  44  +17  77
  6 Riverkey                     46  20  13  13  46  32  +14  73
  7 Stonegrave                   46  18  18  10  54  36  +18  72
  8 Pillars of Southfell         46  19  15  12  45  33  +12  72
  9 Corinthians No Longer        46  19  11  16  70  67   +3  68
 10 Alliance Barossia            46  17  17  12  46  44   +2  68
 11 Barossia United              46  17  14  15  51  45   +6  65
 12 Locksley                     46  17  13  16  63  60   +3  64
 13 Southriver                   46  17  12  17  65  75  -10  63
 14 AFC Shale                    46  16  12  18  45  45   +0  60
 15 Sheridan                     46  15  13  18  46  51   -5  58
 16 Ballardine FC                46  13  16  17  46  58  -12  55
 17 Crossroads Town              46  14   7  25  49  70  -21  49
 18 West Hook                    46   9  21  16  39  50  -11  48
 19 The Hanged Man               46  10  14  22  32  54  -22  44
 20 East Laithland Harriers      46  12   8  26  44  70  -26  44
 21 Kommissar                    46  10  13  23  49  75  -26  43
 22 Lazuli Diamonds              46   8  17  21  58  84  -26  41
 23 Ox River United              46   7  19  20  27  50  -23  40
 24 Iron United                  46  10   8  28  29  70  -41  38

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Markus Kaufmann (PRG) - 39
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Markus Kaufmann (PRG)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Casey Steward (GBR)
Manager of the Year: Ivy Herrick (WHK)

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire        46  32   5   9   98  45  +53  101
  2 Falston United         46  30  10   6   72  40  +32  100
  3 Boltcroft Thorns       46  30   7   9  104  56  +48   97
  4 Autumnstone            46  25  10  11   81  54  +27   85
  5 Gosmouth Swans         46  25   8  13   93  59  +34   83
  6 Strephonage            46  23   9  14   60  49  +11   78
  7 Fully Sick XI          46  20  11  15   74  63  +11   71
  8 Martella Jazz          46  18  16  12   75  61  +14   70
  9 Brindleton             46  20   7  19   60  55   +5   67
 10 Kensey Town            46  19  10  17   58  56   +2   67
 11 South Parrhesia        46  17  15  14   67  63   +4   66
 12 Falston Town           46  18   7  21   77  69   +8   61
 13 Brokenarch             46  16  13  17   54  61   -7   61
 14 Sutcroft               46  15  12  19   58  60   -2   57
 15 Hartford Glade         46  15  12  19   60  66   -6   57
 16 Sirencall FC           46  17   5  24   66  87  -21   56
 17 Brunyard FC            46  15   9  22   63  77  -14   54
 18 Long Lake              46  10  18  18   27  47  -20   48
 19 Sutcroft Athletic      46  11  14  21   43  62  -19   47
 20 Mapleford              46  12  10  24   60  80  -20   46
 21 Ingram Township        46  10  15  21   36  56  -20   45
 22 Bodkin Road            46  12   9  25   51  88  -37   45
 23 Downsparrow            46  10  10  26   49  81  -32   40
 24 Fischer                46   6  10  30   43  94  -51   28

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 FC Seierstad            38  24   8   6  66  33  +33  80
  2 Rushe United            38  22   7   9  73  40  +33  73
  3 Harrington              38  22   5  11  66  45  +21  71
  4 Ringway                 38  21   7  10  60  38  +22  70
  5 Crownsend Journey       38  20   9   9  77  44  +33  69
  6 Lockheed Zenith         38  21   6  11  63  40  +23  69
  7 Stonesthrow Town        38  16  12  10  50  43   +7  60
  8 Courser                 38  15  11  12  47  54   -7  56
  9 Iberia Chenoworth       38  15  10  13  87  73  +14  55
 10 Riverkey Shells         38  15   9  14  49  54   -5  54
 11 Boleyn Town             38  15   7  16  36  32   +4  52
 12 Grovebank               38  14  10  14  44  45   -1  52
 13 Aspen Grove             38  11  13  14  55  55   +0  46
 14 AFC Hellerine           38  11   9  18  55  60   -5  42
 15 Sleetwell Rangers       38  10  10  18  37  66  -29  40
 16 Chenoworth Teutons      38   9  11  18  32  49  -17  38
 17 Fenland Albion          38  10   6  22  30  45  -15  36
 18 Swag Hill Rovers        38   9   8  21  48  82  -34  35
 19 Dross Rovers            38   8   7  23  30  68  -38  31
 20 Capricopia Rangers      38   5   9  24  37  76  -39  24
Promoted: AFC Feuerweiss, Camwell Road

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rochford Pilgrims         38  23   5  10  71  38  +33  74
  2 Stamper Road              38  20  10   8  72  40  +32  70
  3 Pravenna Saints           38  20  10   8  64  34  +30  70
  4 Caldwick Strand           38  20  10   8  52  36  +16  70
  5 Cranequin Souths          38  18  15   5  64  39  +25  69
  6 Brookford Vantablack      38  20   8  10  56  36  +20  68
  7 Gridlock                  38  16  11  11  41  33   +8  59
  8 AFC Burchess              38  14  11  13  52  49   +3  53
  9 Rookwall                  38  14   9  15  45  46   -1  51
 10 Twelvetrees               38  13  11  14  43  45   -2  50
 11 Corvistone City           38  13  10  15  40  37   +3  49
 12 The Travellers FC         38  13   8  17  54  54   +0  47
 13 Brookway Town             38  11  11  16  36  55  -19  44
 14 AFC Volksgarten           38  11   9  18  34  53  -19  42
 15 Constance Park            38  11   8  19  33  46  -13  41
 16 Blaze                     38  11   8  19  49  67  -18  41
 17 South Brill               38  11   7  20  38  47   -9  40
 18 Corby Hubris              38   9  11  18  39  71  -32  38
 19 Rhyburn Swifts            38  10   7  21  51  79  -28  37
 20 Coral Bay                 38   8   9  21  37  66  -29  33
Promoted: Northside Eagles, Markoni

by **Nephara** » Wed Apr 03, 2019 3:54 pm

Season 73 Preview

by **Nephara** » Thu Apr 04, 2019 5:34 pm

by **Nephara** » Sat Apr 06, 2019 4:34 am

by **Nephara** » Sat Apr 06, 2019 4:47 pm

First Division Preview

Lower Down the Pyramid

Second Division
Still boasting The Strongest, aptly, look favourites to bounce back up, but none of the other relegated teams find themselves in a strong position. Instead, Alliance Barossia, Corinthians No Longer and Pillars of Southfell - all sides that were deeply obscure 25 years ago - look best-placed to join them. At the bottom, eyes are on Autumnstone, who have sprung up potentially past their means in record time (this is their second professional season), impoverished West Hook under the impressive custodianship of Ivy Herrick, and the indestructible East Laithland.

Third Division
Lazuli Diamonds are the favourites, boasting a bevy of young flair players and a lot of forward momentum. Kommissar are also likely to continue their recent yo-yo exploits, while the impressive Gosmouth project seems certain to yield promotion... eventually. Rushe United and Stamper Road seem like the latest old guard holdouts to have just overstayed their time in the professional game.

by **Nephara** » Fri Apr 12, 2019 3:17 am

Another recalibration in the fixture generator has lead to a decidedly spicy season-opener. Things are literally starting off with the Classic, as Brinemouth host an aspirational Treason. The Stags are unfortunate not to get a point from it; they dominate the first half, but fail to make that count, Ryan Bull standing strong to deny them. Early in the second half, Morena Deventer sprints free of the back line, is found by Conjure, and takes the ball in stride and rifles it past Clavel. Tidesson, on the other wing, volleys home a cross from Close, a spectacular strike, but Treason do at least deserve to pull one back, Jonsson recording a maiden goal on debut from just outside the box. Sabrefell Moths take the lead at this early stage, destroying Corvette 5-0. New signing Fejzuli already has a goal and two assists to his name, and promises the fans on twii.tur that he’s just getting started. Of those just promoted, the Stahlburg teams both visit Chenoworth and lose, proving that they are the new garbage town of the inner-west, Cranequin manage a dull draw with River, and injury-time goals from substitutes Vestal and Tannhaeuser salvage a thrilling 3-3 draw for Chatswood against a complacent Starling.

A pretty dull first round of matches, thirteen clean sheets kept across the twelve matches, no game with more than three goals. Peregrine score their first goal at this level through new signing Lorcan Peck, but fall apart late in the second half, cut open by Hackett winger Neury - dropping what already feels like a six-pointer. The relegated four teams, Morningstar, Diamondqueen, Creed and Bishop, manage precisely no goals between them. Chardonnay, though? A statement of intent. Pearce, Catley and Bernat score in the second half, hammering much-fancied Brookford 3-0 away, and putting themselves on top of the table.

Brinemouth are hungry. Stahlburg Rovers are in their way, and get on the receiving end of an 8-1 humiliation on home soil. The likes of Cordwood and Steelshrift simply fail to hold up to the scrutiny that their world-class opponents press onto them. For all that, they only go into the break a single goal behind. Saitou opened affairs with a low shot beyond Bolander, but Moxey’s cross was nudged past Bull by the outstretched toe of Corona Sharpe, her second goal in as many games, before Saitou put Brinemouth back in front. The second half, though, is a one-sided slaughter. Six more goals rain in past Stefan Bolander. Elrik Raskine winces on the touchline, then talks positively about the first half. Chris Maarsden bolsters his support at Crisisbless, passing the first major test of his reign with flying colours. Newrook score first at home, Ville Pakkanen starting and then finishing an attack from rightback, but that came against the run of play. The Heelers stay the course, trust in the system, and in the second half? Step forward, Moira Woakes. A goal from a free kick in the first minute of the second half is followed by a second goal from outside the box when Hedlund just gives her the time and space to pick her spot, before she sets up Marisha Staunton to fire the clincher across Hesketh, who is perhaps a little slow to get down to it. North Laithland retain their own perfect record in some style. Cranequin Wanderers are pegged back in their own half, keep trying to play their way out of trouble, and keep failing. The Spiders are 4-0 up on the hour mark, forward Luke Roberts having made a real impression on his starting debut with a brace, and a late consolation from substitute striker Bruin Goodyouth does little to, well, console.

Er. What? The Saints arrive at Sunflow, the best team in the league against probably the worst. It starts in the right fashion, Parrhesia have three shots by the time Athletic get their one, all high and wide. But then they’re slack marking a quick throw-in from Hope, one Rinehart rushes past Meso-Roza and drives past Spyrakis. Rinehart gets his second, before Kite and Suttner get in on the action in the second half. Creed against Serpentine goes rather more as expected, the Oathmen battering their guests 6-1 as Anis Trabelsi notches up a hat-trick.

Chatswood are an unlikely set of entertainers. What looks to be a dour defence has been spiced up considerably by their new attacking fullbacks, while Ella Grear in midfield is struggling to make the step up. Andrea Prentice and Rehan Garrett, meanwhile, have been brilliant signings as well, and each gets on the scoresheet in the first half against the Moths as they go into the break two up. It doesn’t last. Romano beats Aleksovic at his near post before Vol crashes in a header that nobody can get near her for - Darius Rashkin, a burly 6’4” centre-half, ruefully likens marking her to ‘trying to wrestle the ocean’ - before Tahir Fejzuli plays a slick one-two with Shone, then a slick one-two with Bellinger, before trying his luck and squeaking a shot past Aleksovic, who at least got fingers to it. But Chatswood pull it out of the fire somehow, a free kick being scuffed around the box before Konstanze Luitgard slips past everyone to toebash the equaliser past Griffin. Corvistone destroy Newrook 4-1, dominating possession and the field, while Newrook have Brandtner sent off on the hour to let the Crows basically entirely run the midfield. The Crisisbless derby goes against type. It’s Chris Maarsden’s first, and the crowd expects to win. They perhaps chase it too hard, try and force it, don’t let it come - the result is that Sigrun Rivers skins them on the break twice before half-time, and were it not for an excellent last-ditch double save from Na’Kefir, denying a point-blank shot from Lennox and then clawing away the (admittedly poor) follow-up from Antelmi, they’d be three down at the break. Boos follow them down the tunnel at the interval, before Woakes pulls one back early in the second half. Crisisbless dominate the rest of the game, but Reinhard Meixner almost single-handedly denies them in goal, though new holding midfielder Tom Garner also shows his worth as the Chequers hold out. “We aren’t normally known for our defensive work,” their manager, Konrad Evans, admits after the game. “I’m thinking maybe that can change.”

Parrhesia’s slack marking on two late set pieces makes veteran Ritter centre-half Lucex-Ilinx Opu the unlikely hero of the day, with a quick-fire brace giving the Stallions a point in a 3-3 draw. The feast-or-famine nature of Serpentine’s defence continues; they keep their second clean sheet of the season already, either side of conceding six to Creed, as they beat Crisisbless Athletic. Wheelock is barely tested in goal, while Serpentine’s constant threat buzzing around the box is only belatedly rewarded when Langbauer awkwardly controls a long ball from Passlach with her thigh before battering it past Qatintiki with her shin. Leichhardt beat West Brinemouth 2-0 away, with sarcastic cheering from the away end lasting near-on five minutes at the thought of scoring two entire goals in one game.

Athletic versus Brinemouth, probably the two title favourites. Tarala and Ens against Kuznetsov, arguably the world’s three best strikers in the same match. The ratings are through the roof across the world, and they get to see… uhm, a scoreless draw? Burly centre-half Michael Campbell comes closest to making the breakthrough midway through the second half, getting onto the end of Coltrane’s corner and thundering his header against the crossbar. Late on, Morena Deventer chases a promising far-post cross to try and snatch the win, but misses it and runs full into the post, wheeled off with a concussion. The Moths beating Vermillion just 1-0 is a similarly underwhelming look, though at least the single goal is a peach, Tawny Shone snapping the ball out from Eduardo’s feet then nonchalantly chipping Ramelow from nearly the halfway circle. Newrook lose a third in a row, well-beaten by Coret; Andreu Bartolnicci absolutely loses it on the sidelines when what looks to be their equaliser (at what would be 2-2) is chalked off for a blatant handball in the build-up from Couturiaux. Is he losing it at Couturiaux or the referee? Yes, it seems.

Morningstar have had a rough landing in the second tier, and it’s taken them some time to click. When Lilith Thornwood nutmegs Sigma Hantas and stabs the ball between Georgia Petrie’s legs to give them the lead against Rochford, it’s their first goal of the season. Trifon Draxler doubles the advantage just after the hour, scoring direct from a corner, while Jakob Carter is barely troubled in goal. Rochford remain pointless. In her first start of the season, 35-year old Auburn Weber rolls back the years to pull the strings for Diamondqueen. Two goals and two assists sink Peregrine 4-1, after the Falconers pursue the interesting method of barely marking her. Crisisbless Athletic continue a fairly strong start to the season, a lone penalty enough to beat Armstrong, but Ursula Qatintiki in goal is player of the match with eight saves. Armstrong’s striker problems, it seems, have not been solved by the signing of Branko Kurz, yet to score or even really impress.

Uhh… are Stahlburg Rovers going to be okay, at this level? They seem to be having some trouble with vertigo. Opening with four straight defeats was bad, but that included matches against the Stags and Dockers. Southfell are a decent team, but their visit? That’s a winnable fixture. It’s certainly not a fixture you can afford to get pummeled 3-0 and manage exactly one shot on target, a tame Lovelock header sailing into Aldous’ arms. At the other end, Bolander doesn’t appear inclined to spoil the day for his hometown club, failing to claim a Marko cross and beaten by his near post for Gundersen’s first goal of the season as the Rovers lose 3-0. There’s a couple of block-buster clashes - as seems to be the theme this year, one underwhelms, Treason holding Athletic at arm’s length all game before Roddy Fraser comes off the bench, makes precisely six touches including one shot, which is the only goal of the game as he chests down and then powerfully volleys past Gautier. The other, though, is a spicy affair, as the Moths take a 2-1 lead into half-time at Starling. But a contentious handball from Vicelich in the box gives Armstrong the opportunity to level from the spot… but Griffin denies his countryman, going the right way and slamming the ball away with one hand. Discipline issues continue, however, when Joachim Elden gets his first red card in Nephara for an appalling sliding challenge that nearly cuts Keira Andisori in half. They look to be clinging onto the three points until stoppage time, when a desperate hack into the box from Asghar finds, of all people, the Pasargan defender Christian Berg, who had stayed up even after the free kick he’d come up for had broken down, and his optimism was rewarded as he took the ball on the chest, somewhat unwieldily rounded Jon Haines and belted the ball vaguely in the direction of goal, where a heavy deflection off Tawny Shone took it past Griffin for the equaliser. Brinemouth come unstuck against North Sabrefell, a game which sees them second-best in possession on home soil for the first time in three years. The only goal of the game comes fifteen minutes in, Fabrice Laramee opening his account for his new side in style, sliding past the Brinemouth defence thanks to a brilliantly-weighted pass from Montag before coolly chipping over Bull with the outside of the right boot.

Five matches into Erica Karling’s managerial career, there’s already calls for her head ringing from around the away end at Vermillion. Their hosts, the Wanderers, utterly dominate them all over the pitch, the seasoned defensive partnership of Zendegi and Flores keeping Stars’ young strikers calmly shepherded, as goals from Saara, Pinnon, Kovaleski and Zihark dole out a 4-0 humiliation. Brookford, too, have just a single win to their name thus far, and a second 3-0 defeat on home soil already is painful. Granted, they stood toe-to-toe against Belgrave for most of the match - but Sloan put the Gargoyles ahead 55 minutes in, Brookford midfielder Rivan was sent off for a chest-high kick on Lake, and a brace from Markus Strand in the last five minutes of the game capped off a terrible afternoon. Chardonnay continue to impress, Equestrian centre-back Merit Lockwood heading home the winner against Diamondqueen from an elegant Bernat corner. With three goals so far this season, she’s actually the Rangers’ top scorer - testament to Laithstrider’s set piece drilling.

The Stahlburg Rovers are not having a good time. Stefan Bolander makes five sharp saves, and it would seem as though he’s getting his shattered confidence back if he didn’t also concede seven. It’s not his fault, really. It’s Athletic’s home ground, and they stroke the ball around with an easy confidence, having already shown their dominance by resting the bulk of their squad. Sinan Uzunlar marks his first start of the season by a hattrick; Violet Siverson marks the first start of her career with a goal of her own. At least Corona Sharpe notches up a goal on the counter, the Moths homegrown product with three from six. The entire rest of the team has scored once put together. To reiterate; the Rovers are bad. The Wanderers are certainly bad today, swept aside 3-0 at home by Coret, unable to match their directness and intensity. Chatswood are not bad. They richly deserve their first win of the season, dominating Cypher Town and showing them how a proper 4-4-2 goes. Two crosses from Caulker, two knock-downs from Garrett, two opportunistic strikes from Luitgard, 2-0 away. Corvistone grind out a scoreless draw against Corvette, a disappointing result, all things considered, one that sees 32-year old winger Dimitra Tsikitsiris pick up the first red card of her career as the Maulers react by drawing into their shells. Acatha Feldman between the posts really earns her corn with eight strong saves.

Someone stop the champagne going around Belgrave; they get done 4-0 at home by Hackett, a hard-pressing, high-pressing counter driving the Gargoyles into mistake after mistake. The lethal front three of Sebring, Gallan and Neury, with Dransfeld offering balance in the midfield, do not let up the pressure for a single moment. Parrhesia dominate Cranequin City, but the one-man resistance act of Abajan keeper Stefan Ledo keeps the score down to 1-0 at half-time, before Kosta Kolar flicks a volley almost insolently past Spyrakis to level just after the break. But all it takes is one poor pass from Gyenis to let in Swabia Rademacher, who does the rest on her own to score a late winner for the Saints. Truly leading by example.

The theme this year seems to be that the guns fall silent where least expected. The Chariots’ hosting of the Moths fits the bill. Aries are missing key attacking guns in Riske and Kaelin through injury, and seem to feel as though discretion is the better part of valour as a result. A double pivot in midfield from Belfry and Tsiolkas keeps the guns silent, and isn’t what the Moths are expecting. Still, Commerford has some saves to make, but then, Lazarou probably should have drawn a penalty when she was clipped by Vicelich. Stahlburg City beat River through an impressively wide variety of the dark arts, Kresimir Brujah early frontrunner in the shitheel-of-the-season stakes, a few spicy elbows thrown around, a brutal challenge on Kesteren seeing River’s talisman limp off, before he scores the only goal of the game, grappling Lampshire and all but clambering over him to nod an Owley corner home. Meanwhile, elsewhere in Stahlburg, shellshocked goalkeeper Stefan Bolander watches from the bench as his replacement, Colmeyer, lets four goals fly past him. Including the one where he tries to catch a low strike from Sabine Montag but ends up toe-punting it into Simone Cheney, who looks as surprised as anyone to be able to chest down the ball and roll it past him. The Rovers lose 4-1. For Treason, having Fraser to call on from the bench pays off again, the sturdy poacher with a late equaliser to deny Newrook some much-needed points. It was a dire game until Newrook belatedly went ahead through Couturiaux’s penalty in the 72nd minute, but the rest of the game was the Stags stepping on their throat. Fraser’s goal in the 79th was the least they deserved, though Hesketh perhaps didn’t get down as fast as she might.

After a dire stalemate against Ritter, Rochford still haven’t scored in five games, but they do at least have their first point of the season. Loaned playmaker Harriet Novac has struggled to make her mark, lost amidst the clatter and thunder of the league, but she at least made some sort of mark desperately clearing a shot off the line from a scrappy corner. After a similarly dire first half, Brookford march off to a chorus of boos. They’re booed off after full-time, too, even after they score a penalty. It’ll take more than a scrappy 1-0 win over West Brinemouth to appease the crowd on a season they’re expected to be challenging from the top.

Well, at least Crisisbless United scored. Alanso Tamba’s got some slick feet, and a tidy eye for the bottom corner. Issue is, Treason put ten - TEN - past Meixner at the other end. Both John Fletcher and Aristide Metzger manage hat-tricks - Fletcher’s was perfect, so he gets the match ball. And so, the (equal) record for league defeats is held by the team that holds the record for a Cup win. And, for that matter, the record-holders for goals in a single game, after an 8-4 defeat to Athletic years past. Goals follow Crisisbless United. There’s nearly as many goals in Sabrefell, for that matter, as the East Sabrefell derby really kicks off. The Chariots score first. Then second. Then third, just, at the wrong end, as the normally impeccable Na’Duha gets her feet all wrong and belts Coltrane’s diagonal pass past puzzled countryman Commerford. And that just whets Athletic’s appetite. Tarala, Ens and Gere make it 4-2 by half-time, and what is nearly the Chariots’ way back in is ruled out for Alexis Brill’s handball in the build-up. It’s not a good day for most of the Chariots’ Cosumarite enclave, at least until Tarran Seamster does pull one back in the second half, before setting up Kaelin to level the scores. 4-4 by the hour mark? Unfortunately, both sides seem to rather run out of steam, and then an awful challenge from Kaya Naumoff sees her sent off, but not before a brawl sees Ashcroft backhand Coltrane which sees her sent off. There’s still room for a penalty, though, Barak Strauss - Ashcroft’s replacement at rightback - bundling over the fresh legs of Hakki Ojala. Coltrane slams it home - 5-4.

Chardonnay don’t half know how to pick their time. They’ve had a flying, unbeaten start to the season, and they visit Belgrave with their heads held high. Then Belgrave slaughter them 7-0. Adalheid Metzelder gives the press her evil little gremlin smile at the end, with all the teeth showing. “My plan worked perfectly, and they got found out, badly,” she boasts. South Laithland lose to Gonen’s at home thanks to a great save from Gerhard Hartmuth. Issue was, he made it while badly mistiming a run out of his box, instinctively throwing himself down to paw away the decisive shot from Sol. 1-0 up with eleven men, they lost 3-2 with ten, though the sterling work of backup stopper Emery Russell kept down the deficit. Parrhesia slam Brookford 4-1 - they may be streaky as all hell, but on their day, they can do things like this. Brookford, for their part, haven’t looked.. right, yet, this season.

This season is… weird. Can we just say that? It’s a deeply weird season already. There’s barely enough time to cover the Chenoworth derby, which is hardly a hotbed of violence, given its the most milquetoast city in the nation. Still, there’s the obligatory Ender Fife red card, which combined with Laslow giving up a penalty on the other flank seems to sink the Rovers. Until Janneke Chaeffer guesses right and punches away Whittaker’s penalty. The Rovers soon make the most of their opportunity, slick interplay between their strikers leading to Sabrina Patton sidefooting elegantly past Sheffield. Whittaker makes up for it, though it’s clear in replays that he elbows Teffeteller in the face to give himself the space to place a shot beyond Chaeffer, but karma strikes back through veteran midfielder Florencio Lozada, breezing a strike into the top corner from just outside the box. Starling host nearby Crisisbless and utterly dominate, scoring just nineteen seconds in when Daniel Dostalok drives a rolling ball past Na’Kefir with his first touch. The Mercedini striker finds his confidence - that’s only his third goal of the season, but a hat-trick chalks that up to five by the end as Starling cruise to a 4-1 win.

But the game to watch is Chatswood’s fixture against the Hawks. Yeah, arguably the least sexy fixture of the day. Yet, here it is; a game that starts three minutes in, normally goalshy Raquel Naeher getting her first goal when she cuts inside, tries her luck from distance and beats Aleksovic thanks to a slight deflection off Rashkins’ heel, and not five minutes later the Hawks have doubled their lead, Naeher this time playing provider for Lemuel Burns’ first goal for his new club. But then Chatswood fight back - a Garrett header, a Luitgard strike from the edge of the box (Lockwood needed to save that) and Conleth finishing off the half in style, the Hawks raving that the whistle should have long since blown for the interval. Then Conleth chalks up her second assist - she ends, deservedly, POTM - setting up the brawny Bishop to nod home a corner. Coret rally, though. Initially, against the run of play - Stavanger’s bullet header just before the hour is their first shot of the half - but then one stroke of luck becomes two, Nikolaidis arriving late in the box to slam home a cutback from Hamilton, and then Penumbra Amokachi makes her inevitable mark off the bench, winning a penalty after her first touch, scoring it with her second. But Chatswood really do deserve a point. They’d have one if Aleksovic had made more than one save. But as it was, it was the unlikely figure of 21-year old midfielder Kolinda Bischoff, prowling around the box, found unmarked by Prentice (who would bother marking a holding midfielder?) and testing her luck without pressure. As it happened, she found the top corner, Lockwood diving across in vain. 5-5, the final score; the equal-highest-scoring draw in league history.

The blockbuster clash of the round is the Saints’ visit to, somehow, Hackett. Parrhesia’s flakiness undoes them, sitting on an early lead from Telviir, not quite doubling it when Reus’ goal is chalked off for a narrow offside, and just kind of content to hang around on that lead forever, taking shots from distance that pose little threat to the erratic but acrobatic Faraj Samara. Until they’re caught in possession by Dransfeld, who plays in Sebring for the leveller in the 76th minute, and almost immediately after, Parrhesia are caught overextending going forward and punished by Neury. Hackett’s fourth win in a row - not bad for relegation favourites. Chardonnay are another side that is outdoing their expectations, but their promotion ambitions have been derailed somewhat by a 3-0 defeat at home to Goodfeather. Brookford’s poor start to the season has at least come with the bright side of Monica Bairstow, whose late brace of free kicks saves them to beat lowly Serpentine 3-2. Already, the vultures are circling Andrea Betancourt...

Stahlburg Rovers manage their equal-best result of the season, losing 2-0 to Cranequin Wanderers. The Wanderers had drawn six of their nine (nice) games, but were yet to actually win, too sluggish and too fragile. Well, through Leonardo Ford’s long-awaited first goal of the season and a follow-up from Kudelka, they’ve got it. The away fans are baying for blood, and they get it, too; Elrik Raskine is sacked in the tunnel, by text. Normally, that’s harsh, but they have scored five goals and conceded forty over the course of these ten defeats. Assistant manager Matthew Rickard, who has been with the club for close to a decade, steps up to the plate. It’s an interim appointment, in theory, but who would take a nailed-on relegation like this? Corvette get their first win of the season, against the unlikely opponents of Treason, who they hand a first defeat since Brinemouth on opening day courtesy of Dimitra Tsikitsiris’ first goal. Stahlburg City, for their part, haven’t really seen many headlines early on, since they’ve been pretty solid and unremarkable. Well, unfortunately Douglas Tibet’s hard-earned stability disintegrates in the face of Crisisbless’ relentless aggression, and they crumble to a 4-0 defeat without mustering a shot on target, and just 27% possession.

People like Kaj Aurora. People really like Kaj Aurora. But the Saints’ inconsistency under her has made it hard, sometimes. They just absolutely sputter out against Peregrine, at home, as players of the quality of Reus, Barota and Telviir can find no way past Connor Risdon, a goalkeeper whose main selling point has been being 6’7” and just about as broad at the shoulders. While Parrhesia hurl mud at a wall, Peregrine counter incisively, Markus Kaufmann scoring in each half to cap off a disciplined performance from the Falconers. Hackett’s good streak comes to an abrupt end, Serpentine centre-half Raskerin heading in the only goal of the game in the 44th minute as the Dragons’ impressive pressing squeezes Hackett out of the game altogether. Brookford’s 2-2 draw with Armstrong is the only game to make it past the three-goal mark, only one of two to make it past two. Brookford’s are beauties, Armstrong’s scuffed tap-ins, but they all count the same.

The Moths invite Stahlberg with, yes, an e. They prove gracious hosts, somewhat less physical than usual. Sur Arora may well have told them to play nice in front of the foreign referees. As it stands, they don’t even take a caution all game. They’re quietly the better side in the first half without reward, then comfortably superior in the second, Vol and Fejzuli making the difference. Brinemouth’s visit to Qastyr isn’t much of a match, though. Brinemouth fail to spark against their disciplined hosts,

Newrook have a real glass-half-full situation. They’ve had a poor start to the season, but Ocokoljic bailing them out against a rock-solid North Sabrefell side that dominated the ball but lacked final touch (beyond a single Wolff half-volley concluding a flowing attack) ensures they’re unbeaten in five. Issue is, four of those results have been 1-1 draws. Nygard and Farrell haven’t really clicked up front thus far, Couturiaux and Hesketh (though, commendably, not captain Zagorec) are showing their age. The Moths take the lead against Crisisbless just seventeen seconds into the match, Vol to Romano to Aedelbrandt to Vicelich to Vol - the first Crisisbless touch is Na’Kefir’s fingertips brushing against Vol’s header on its way into the net. It’s the only goal of the game, Moira Woakes looking the Heelers’ brightest spark until she lashes back at the tender mercies of Tawny Shone, getting herself a second yellow card for the bargain. Cranequin Wanderers pick up a second straight win against Southfell, Ford running the show as the spare man in midfield, until he’s forced off when Hemeyer destroys him. But with the scores at 2-2, it’s Ford’s replacement, Riaz, who dribbles past three weary players before picking her spot to winner the ball past Aldous. Perhaps the Eastfielder adds the dynamism and directness Cranequin have sorely lacked? Brinemouth and Chatswood make up one of the harder-to-guess rivalries in the league, largely built up out of a sereies of intense clashes over the years, often on the final day. Today, though, the Dockers pulverise their opponents 6-2, as Leigh Fletcher’s charges are too eager to dive in regardless of the holes that leaves behind.

Morningstar almost double their goal tally for the season, but even then the match is a source of frustration for the struggling Stars. Three times, through Thornwood (twice) and Kuijer, Morningstar pull ahead; three times, through Cranequin City’s Rosmalen, Gemmill and Skiff, are they pegged back. Rightback Sebastian Rashica almost gets a late winner for the Terracotta Army, too, a cross catching in the wind and almost beating Carter in goal, but the former Brinemouth stopper manages to just barely tip it over the crossbar. Iron City have now managed three straight scoreless draws, and they didn’t get on the scoresheet the match before that, either. Former Parrhesia midfielder Hollin Spicer is doing a brilliant job cleaning up in midfield, but Ida Preussler’s fallen curiously silent up front, with just two goals thus far. Rochford are happy enough with the point, just their fourth of a difficult season.

As the Cup kicks off, people in the know are looking for Lazuli and Sirencall - they just shared a staggering 8-6 in the league. The Diamonds won that particular exchange, and go on to beat Rookwall by a relatively parsimonious 3-2; Sirencall disgrace themselves with a mere 2-1 win over Aspen Grove. Feuerweiss and Northside Eagles make their debuts in the tournament, but are both beaten by two clear goals away from home. Markoni are the only newly-promoted side from the state leagues to win, upsetting Strephonage 2-1.

No side’s run away with it thus far, and the table has a pleasingly old-school look to it with Brinemouth and Treason at the top. The Dockers keep ahold of their place at the summit thanks to a late equaliser from Iori Saitou, nipping in ahead of Leila Ramelow as they both chased the same through-ball from Dragana and dinking the ball between the rushing keeper’s feet. Treason stay hot on the trail, battering Chatswood 3-0 in a hearty resumption of the derby between the two, with Athletic and Crisisbless also winning to overtake the Moths, beaten by the odd goal from seven against an energetic Corvistone, and Starling, limping to a 2-0 defeat from the struggling Harriers and the deft work of midfield maestro Alessa Marconi. A familiar top six, then, with Coret rounding out the potential final UICA slot, should Nephara reclaim a top four position.

At the bottom, Southfell pull away from the drop after their slow start. They start slow against Corvette, too, but a late free kick from Erik Marlowe almost nonchalantly finds the top corner for a 2-1 win away. River and Cranequin fall to strong opposition, and remain on a point a game. Shockingly, Newrook are actually below that point, outrun and overrun by Aries in an energetic 1-0 defeat at home, while Stahlburg City are well beaten 3-1 by Coret. Chatswood currently sit in the playoff place, enduring a quixotic season thus far. Six draws and nineteen goals scored, but just a single win to their name. Cypher choke a lead to lose to the Spiders, while Corvette and Stahlburg Rovers predictably line the bottom places.

It’s a tight knife-fight at the top, one that the Gargoyles are currently, surprisingly, top of. They beat Vermillion 2-0, and Hackett are somehow second after a late win over Gonen’s Bridge. But Cranequin City, South Laithland, Parrhesia and newly-promoted Chardonnay are level with Hackett on 23 points, with Creed’s defeat to City leaving them three points behind, with Leichhardt. Iron City smash Morningstar 3-0, with former Premiership talent in Pell, Petridis and Preussler on the scoresheet - meanwhile, their second-tier veterans like Hornwood and Ledger have maintained the best defence in the league. At the bottom, Serpentine lose and Crisisbless Athletic draw, but both still have more than a point per game. Diamondqueen and Morningstar do not - the latter are actually second-last, joining Peregrine, West Brinemouth (victorious over Bishop) and a badly struggling Rochford, who get just their fifth point and fourth goal of the season in a draw with the Otters, in the drop zone.

A good day for the coefficient. Eastweald aren’t charitable hosts, though in manager Riether, goalkeeper Mercator and winger Fanaiyan they have more than their share of Nepharim… then again, Sur Arora brings Zoe Aedelbrandt and, of course, himself. Eastweald have the better of the first half, Fanaiyan setting up Brian Bond for the opener, and there should have been more. The Elves pay for not finishing the job. The Moths steady in the second half, level early against the run of play when Elden flicks home a set piece with an insolence ill-befitting a defender, before the familiar combination of Aedelbrandt cross -> Vol knock-on -> Romano goal wins the day. Now it’s Eastweald’s turn to get something against the run of play, Kovacevic winning a somewhat soft penalty as he bounces off Elden… but there’s not enough power in Mordini’s penalty, and Griffin beats it away with both fists. Brinemouth score early against Tanrisal through an unusually direct method, Bull’s goal kick going all the way to Tidesson, who took on Basa and the uncharacteristically slack Towers himself before slotting low past Michael Armand. But his opposite number, Irene Djuric, has a moment of something special in the tank herself - finding little joy against the dour, reliable Close, she snips inside to deal with the centre-halves instead before trying her luck from outside the box, and finding the top corner with it just before getting reduced by Soederquist. There’s signs that Tani start to lose a bit of their cool near the end of the first half, though, some errors creeping into their play. One’s seized on on the hour mark, again it’s Tidesson making the difference, finding Deventer on the far post to rifle home from five yards, before Desya Kuznetsov, in his vernacular, ‘goals’ with a thunderous strike from point-blank range that almost murders Armand, the result of being given just an inch of space by Chandonnet.

by **Nephara** » Fri Apr 12, 2019 3:18 am

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               12  7  4   1  30  11  +19  25
  2 AFC Treason              12  7  3   2  28   9  +19  24
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       12  7  3   2  20  11   +9  24
  4 Crisisbless              12  7  2   3  25  18   +7  23
  5 Sabrefell Moths          12  6  4   2  25  11  +14  22
  6 Starling                 12  6  4   2  21  14   +7  22
  7 Coret Hawks              12  6  3   3  23  16   +7  21
  8 North Laithland          12  5  5   2  17  12   +5  20
  9 Chenoworth Rovers        12  6  2   4  16  14   +2  20
 10 AFC Corvistone           12  5  4   3  18  14   +4  19
 11 Aries Chariots           12  4  6   2  21  15   +6  18
 12 Crisisbless United       12  5  3   4  18  23   -5  18
 13 Vermillion Rage          12  4  5   3  16  15   +1  17
 14 Chenoworth Harriers      12  4  4   4  16  13   +3  16
 15 North Sabrefell          12  3  6   3  14  15   -1  15
 16 Southfell United         12  3  3   6  13  17   -4  12
 17 Raven River              12  2  6   4  15  21   -6  12
 18 Cranequin Wanderers      12  2  6   4  12  18   -6  12
 19 Newrook City             12  2  5   5  13  17   -4  11
 20 Stahlburg City           12  3  2   7   8  16   -8  11
 21 Chatswood                12  1  6   5  19  27   -8   9
 22 Cypher Town              12  2  2   8   6  16  -10   8
 23 Corvette Maulers         12  1  2   9   9  25  -16   5
 24 Stahlburg Rovers         12  1  0  11   9  44  -35   3

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Belgrave                  12  8  1  3  21  10  +11  25
  2 Hackett                   12  7  2  3  19  11   +8  23
  3 Cranequin City            12  7  2  3  17  12   +5  23
  4 South Laithland           12  7  2  3  14   9   +5  23
  5 Parrhesia United          12  7  2  3  20  17   +3  23
  6 Chardonnay Rangers        12  7  2  3  18  18   +0  23
  7 Creed United              12  5  5  2  18  10   +8  20
  8 Leichhardt                12  5  5  2  15   8   +7  20
  9 Iron City                 12  5  4  3  11   6   +5  19
 10 Armstrong                 12  5  3  4  10  10   +0  18
 11 Gonen's Bridge            12  5  2  5  11  13   -2  17
 12 Bishop                    12  4  4  4  10  10   +0  16
 13 Brookford Otters          12  4  4  4  14  20   -6  16
 14 Goodfeather FC            12  4  3  5  16  13   +3  15
 15 Mantlegrove               12  4  3  5  11  14   -3  15
 16 Vermillion Wanderers      12  4  2  6  11  13   -2  14
 17 AFC Serpentine            12  4  2  6  10  16   -6  14
 18 Crisisbless Athletic      12  3  4  5   9  10   -1  13
 19 Diamondqueen              12  3  3  6  13  14   -1  12
 20 Ritter Town               12  2  5  5  14  17   -3  11
 21 Peregrine                 12  3  2  7   8  15   -7  11
 22 West Brinemouth           12  3  1  8   9  15   -6  10
 23 Morningstar               12  2  4  6   8  17   -9  10
 24 Rochford                  12  1  3  8   4  13   -9   6

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Alliance Barossia            12  8  4  0  24   6  +18  28
  2 Coret Rovers                 12  8  1  3  23  15   +8  25
  3 Pillars of Southfell         12  7  3  2  18   5  +13  24
  4 Riverkey                     12  7  2  3  17   8   +9  23
  5 Corinthians No Longer        12  7  2  3  13   6   +7  23
  6 Locksley                     12  7  2  3  22  16   +6  23
  7 AFC Shale                    12  7  1  4  13   9   +4  22
  8 Dartmouth Terriers           12  6  3  3  19  11   +8  21
  9 Extreme Hills                12  6  3  3  14   9   +5  21
 10 Stonegrave                   12  6  2  4  13  11   +2  20
 11 The Strongest                12  6  1  5  27  20   +7  19
 12 Barossia United              12  6  1  5  18  22   -4  19
 13 Aries Solitaire              12  5  2  5  22  16   +6  17
 14 Falston United               12  5  2  5  17  18   -1  17
 15 Greygate                     12  4  3  5  17  21   -4  15
 16 Ballardine FC                12  2  6  4  12  15   -3  12
 17 Sheridan                     12  3  3  6   7  12   -5  12
 18 Southriver                   12  3  3  6   9  16   -7  12
 19 East Laithland Harriers      12  3  1  8   8  17   -9  10
 20 Autumnstone                  12  1  6  5  12  22  -10   9
 21 West Hook                    12  2  2  8   8  19  -11   8
 22 Crossroads Town              12  1  4  7  14  26  -12   7
 23 The Hanged Man               12  2  1  9   2  14  -12   7
 24 Boltcroft Thorns             12  1  4  7   5  20  -15   7

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar              12  11  0  1  23  11  +12  33
  2 Gosmouth Swans         12   8  2  2  14   9   +5  26
  3 Mapleford              12   8  1  3  28  17  +11  25
  4 Brindleton             12   8  1  3  19  15   +4  25
  5 South Parrhesia        12   6  3  3  24  13  +11  21
  6 Lazuli Diamonds        12   6  3  3  31  25   +6  21
  7 Brokenarch             12   6  2  4  35  20  +15  20
  8 Ox River United        12   6  2  4  19  12   +7  20
  9 Fully Sick XI          12   5  4  3  14  15   -1  19
 10 Kensey Town            12   4  5  3  26  17   +9  17
 11 Martella Jazz          12   5  2  5  17  20   -3  17
 12 Strephonage            12   5  1  6  15  13   +2  16
 13 Hartford Glade         12   4  4  4  14  16   -2  16
 14 Rochford Pilgrims      12   4  4  4  15  20   -5  16
 15 Iron United            12   4  3  5  10  13   -3  15
 16 Falston Town           12   4  1  7  21  26   -5  13
 17 Sutcroft Athletic      12   3  4  5   8  13   -5  13
 18 Sirencall FC           12   3  2  7  21  27   -6  11
 19 Sutcroft               12   2  4  6  13  18   -5  10
 20 Brunyard FC            12   3  1  8  20  27   -7  10
 21 Long Lake              12   3  1  8   9  17   -8  10
 22 Stamper Road           12   3  1  8  12  22  -10  10
 23 Rushe United           12   3  1  8  14  29  -15  10
 24 FC Seierstad           12   1  6  5  11  18   -7   9

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ringway                 12  8  2  2  23  13  +10  26
  2 Lockheed Zenith         12  7  3  2  19  10   +9  24
  3 Ingram Township         12  6  3  3  18   8  +10  21
  4 Chenoworth Teutons      12  6  3  3  15  15   +0  21
  5 Boleyn Town             12  6  2  4  16  10   +6  20
  6 AFC Feuerweiss          12  6  2  4  23  23   +0  20
  7 Riverkey Shells         12  6  1  5  22  15   +7  19
  8 Fenland Albion          12  5  4  3  13   9   +4  19
  9 Iberia Chenoworth       12  5  3  4  17  12   +5  18
 10 Crownsend Journey       12  5  3  4  20  16   +4  18
 11 Harrington              12  5  3  4  22  19   +3  18
 12 Stonesthrow Town        12  4  4  4  12  12   +0  16
 13 Fischer                 12  4  3  5  15  17   -2  15
 14 Courser                 12  3  5  4  12  16   -4  14
 15 Grovebank               12  3  3  6  15  16   -1  12
 16 Aspen Grove             12  3  2  7  21  22   -1  11
 17 Sleetwell Rangers       12  2  5  5  13  21   -8  11
 18 Swag Hill Rovers        12  3  2  7  17  33  -16  11
 19 AFC Hellerine           12  2  2  8  13  26  -13   8
 20 Camwell Road            12  1  5  6  12  25  -13   8

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Caldwick Strand           12  8  3  1  25  17   +8  27
  2 Pravenna Saints           12  7  3  2  23  10  +13  24
  3 Gridlock                  12  7  2  3  15   6   +9  23
  4 AFC Volksgarten           12  6  4  2  15  11   +4  22
  5 Northside Eagles          12  6  2  4  20  15   +5  20
  6 Downsparrow               12  4  6  2  22  14   +8  18
  7 The Travellers FC         12  5  3  4  20  13   +7  18
  8 Constance Park            12  4  6  2   8   7   +1  18
  9 Cranequin Souths          12  4  5  3  17  16   +1  17
 10 Bodkin Road               12  5  2  5  11  12   -1  17
 11 AFC Burchess              12  4  4  4  21  19   +2  16
 12 Twelvetrees               12  3  5  4  12  11   +1  14
 13 Brookford Vantablack      12  3  5  4  15  15   +0  14
 14 Blaze                     12  3  4  5  16  23   -7  13
 15 Corvistone City           12  3  3  6   8  13   -5  12
 16 South Brill               12  2  5  5  15  19   -4  11
 17 Markoni                   12  3  2  7  10  24  -14  11
 18 Brookway Town             12  1  6  5   6  13   -7   9
 19 Rookwall                  12  2  3  7   4  11   -7   9
 20 Corby Hubris              12  0  7  5  17  31  -14   7

by **Nephara** » Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:13 am

The fixture computer throws up a day in which all ten clubs starting with C play away, and all six starting with S host. One of those matches featuring both doesn’t end in the one-sided slaughter one might expect, but then, Sabrefell Athletic have excelled at doing just enough this season. Their depth can call upon experienced players in their early-30s like Jaentti, Bereveskos and Uzunlar to do a 90-minute job against Corvette, and it’s Bereveskos who gets the only goal. You know what’s a serious flex, though? Is being Leigh Fletcher and resting your star striker, Rehan Garrett, for a visit to Stahlburg Rovers. In fairness, the striker’s played every minute of the campaign thus far. And, yeah, Chatswood win 1-0 in what was in theory a crucial six-pointer, stand-in forward Vestal setting up Prentice to strike from just outside the box.

Best, though, are the breathless draws - Starling’s frictionless, technical high-speed, low-drag showdown with Brinemouth, the Chariots’ assaults held back by Cypher’s lethal counters, Newrook and Crisisbless United kicking lumps out of each other and, best of all, North Laithland’s fightback from a 3-0 deficit at half-time, booed off by their own fans, to take a point from Crisisbless. Perhaps a sad moment for Kurtis Laiota, who comes off the bench at 51 minutes only to be sent off five minutes later for putting two studs through Irsa Croxteth, but really, it’s time for Croxteth to be the story, scoring twice and assisting the leveller against her hometown club. Under Canaan, she’s looked reborn. Has her career finally recovered from her disastrous sojourn in Cosumar?

It’s the day of the 4-0 - three instances of the convincing scoreline this week, each with its own story to tell. Diamondqueen have started the season poorly, but Elaine Koeller’s side show Serpentine what they’re made of, crushing them under their heel as they dominate midfield. Taheri and Creek do whatever they want, each getting on the scoresheet, with a second-half brace from Escrow finishing matters. Morningstar have also started the season poorly, but continue to do poorly when Brookford stomp them into the earth, a red card for Sloane Kirkland worsening matters. Their fans have already turned on them. Peregrine also underline their own survival hopes, four goals in the second half picking off a weary Gonen’s Bridge.

The Chenoworth sides face off against the Sabrefell giants, and, unsurprisingly, being worse at football, they both lose. Newrook restore some spirits against River in a full-on, hell-for-leather 4-1 pasting of a River side that couldn’t handle the heat, and needed to get out of the kitchen. From the way that the likes of Brandtner and Ocokoljic boss the midfield, you’d never imagine this was just this team’s third win of the season, and from the confidence with which Nygard strikes a brace of near-identical finishes past Taliadoros, you’d never imagine they were just her fourth and fifth goals of the season. Have they actually turned a corner, or is this a flash in the pan?

The Maulers are basically the only winners at the bottom, Fiona Norval proving that if they have nothing else, at least they have a decent striker, confidently lashing an equaliser in first-half injury time into the top corner, before casually, almost insolently, laying on a nonchalant assist for Dimitra Tsikitsiris to chip a stranded, exposed Daunten from just outside the box, the defence offering no pressure. “Sometimes it is okay to clatter ‘em,” sighs North Sabrefell manager Gareth Blackthorn post-match. At the sharp end, Treason turn over Starling, and it’s not even close. A 2-0 scoreline doesn’t reflect the silence of Dostalok and Andisori, who look almost sheepish at full time. But then, where was the supply? Was a more immediate replacement for Padilla needed?

Chardonnay just can’t find consistency for the life of them - Gonen’s Bridge demolish them 3-0, canny young midfielder Casey Steward running the show against the Rangers’ experienced veterans, while Fyona Matthews saves a penalty - a fair sign of why these youngish guns are the ones the Premiership sides are eyeing. Similarly inconsistent, Brookford beat Creed by the odd goal of five. Anis Trebelsi gets the job done up front for the Oathmen with a brace, but they badly, badly miss the injured captain Rodrigues in defence, and veteran stopper Byron Caldwick has had better days. Morningstar spit on the formbook with a result that only made sense before the start of the season, Lilith Thornwood and Johanna Rosen giving them a 2-1 win away at Hackett.

The Moths face a tough test, visiting Yuba, but stand up to the challenge well. Not well enough to get anything out of the game, though. Sur Arora is confident, doing his best to have his charges play their own game like they’re in front of their own fans, but there’s just a little uncertainty that betrays them. Crucially, it’s in and around both boxes. Brix Hamilton is 32, for Christ’s sake, she knows better than to centre it across her own penalty area, and Romano’s radar is off all day. Late on, though, Federico Serra comes off the bench, strikes like a thunderbolt from outside the box and would give some hope if this were a two-legged tie, but it’s not, so it’s pointless since the Moths don’t manage a shot after that. Brinemouth, though, they have a somewhat better time. For Spartangrad goalkeeper Mathis Woodgate and defender Mark Uenterhausen, it’s relatively familiar pastures, having spent time with Creed and the Moths respectively, but neither distinguishes themselves in a rough match for the visitors. An exemplary shot-stopper, Woodgate was too often caught out by Brinemouth’s nippy, mobile… well, what at times resembled a front four, their pace and coordination rending holes in the defence. Kuznetsov started and ended the scoring, Deventer beating Woodgate at his near post, Alyss Montague coming off the bench to whip in a ridiculous free kick for good measure. At least the Palmisano brothers were able to combine and give Spartangrad some pride.

Most expect that the Eagles are not going to bring Nephara much glory here, but Andrea Vardalos surprises many by taking a full-strength side to Filindostan. “We need a win more than a rest,” she says bluntly, and finds one. Freya McCosgraigh and Coretta Rooke relish in that little bit more space, each getting on the scoresheet in the first half, though Cooperative pull one back late on to add some intrigue. In the second, Cypher really turn the screws, warming to their dominance, and Rooke and Tripodi finish things off.

Two fixtures dominate all attention, though it’s worrying for Cranequin to see them so easily shredded by Crisisbless United on the counterattack, losing 3-1 and never really looking like taking points. That’s, uh, not one of the matches, though. The pure blockbuster sees Sur Arora’s Moths host Lujendra Mescalin’s Brinemouth in a typically Cosumar-flavoured match. It’s meant to be a free-flowing display of attacking football at the highest level of the game. Instead the Moths just kind of rampage, pinning Brinemouth in their own half, not letting them run. It takes until 53 minutes for the first goal, but it’s well-deserved. Fejzuli lingers on the ball for what seems like whole minutes before the Brinemouth defence strays that inch out of position, before he finds Aedelbrandt’s run behind Brymora. Aedelbrandt’s not usually one to trouble the scoresheet, but she goes it alone here, curling her second touch about Bull with the outside of the boot. That gives her the confidence for a sumptuous assist to find an unmarked Romano twenty minutes later, and Romano doesn’t miss those chances, before Brinemouth are caught overstretched on the break and put to the sword by Imriel Townsend on the other flank for a 3-0 thumping. But a more… even match is probably found in Stahlburg. No, not the Rovers, though they’re surprisingly resolute in only losing 1-0 to a lucky Starling.

But it’s City, and the much-anticipated resumption of hostilities against Treason, the flames fanned further by key figures on either side. City’s firebrand Brujah: “I’ve been waiting a good, long time for this, first as a fan, now as a player.” Treason captain Svensson: “They’re ancient history. There was some heat in the past, but they’re flattering themselves to think they’re still relevant.” Saskia Kantaroff, former Treason player, faces a hail of insults from the away end as City run out, while the home crowd direct their ire at… everyone. The Smiths’ plan goes perfectly, beyond their expectations, with veteran centre-back Cassidy Hasek ramming Henry’s free kick into the net for the only goal of a physical, wrestling first half. City then make it two, Kresimir Brujah finding a way from the edge of the box, before he goes from hero to… uh, still hero, scything down Mikkel Jonsson, protesting his shouty innocence and marching off, milking the applause from the baying home crowd. Jonsson limps off, but this occasion might be better suited to the muscle of Saturn Mastiff, anyway - the lesser heralded former Parrhesia midfielder finding an assist for Aristide Metzger to power home from the edge of the box. Finally, Treason in business! Except that against the run of play, Saskia Kantaroff sprints to get first to a clever disguised pass from Henry and drags the ball past Clavel before being slammed into the ground by Vornander, for what would’ve certainly been a penalty had she not scored. She gets up and, well, beats her chest and kisses her crest in front of the away crowd. Treason pull out the big gun, Roddy Fraser… who misses a sitter late on. Lorelei Neptune finds Metzger for another goal in injury time, and Metzger has to race into the net to follow his header, shoving defenders and goalkeeper Prant-Telew out of the way in search of the ball for the restart, but it’s to no avail as a brilliant game draws to a close, Stahlburg City beating their hated rivals 3-2 at home. Does the Premiership get better than this?

After visiting Crisisbless Athletic, Brookford have managed ten goals from their last three matches, and they should surely have had more were it not for Ursula Qatintiki between the posts. But there’s an issue, and that issue is they really miss Bohr at the back. Claudia Bohr is, herself, busy being unable to stop Belgrave beating Parrheisa 2-0, but her pace and composure at the back have seriously helped the Saints so far. Without her, Brookford concede two late goals to Athletic super-sub striker Jacinth Coen, whose pace up front offers Athletic something different to the brutes Suttner and Keogh. Serpentine manage another crucial win in a six-pointer, a terrible side on paper continuing to fight above their means as Coraline Langbauer and Antonis Harisis stubbornly lift the side to victory away in Mantlegrove, while an insane game sees Gonen’s Bridge score three unanswered goals in the second half to beat ten-man Diamondqueen 4-3.

The biggest and undoubtedly most fun round of the Cup! That said, the freakshows of David / Goliath showdowns are relatively restrained this year, no team winning by more than six. Cowards. In lieu of that, better instead to look for sides which struggled unexpectedly. Rochford, for one, who made desperately heavy weather taking out Twelvetrees of the Conference East by a mere 2-1. A toothless West Brinemouth had to win by the same score against fourth-tier Kensey Town, too, only it took until extra time to reach it, and the same story with Peregrine and Iron United, while minnows of the Second Division Autumnstone dominate South Laithland in their own backyard, winning 3-1. Morningstar’s demise is undoubtedly the most shambolic. If Jakob Carter was beginning to worry about his starting place in goal, he probably needn’t judging by Vicki Bassett’s showing in a 4-4 shitshow at home against fourth-tier bottom-feeders Long Lake. But it doesn’t end there. Bassett does get the chance to save a penalty, at least, but Morningstar’s guns go quiet, with Konrad Feist, Romeo Varrick and Ballista Meade all scoring from open play and missing (or being saved) from the spot. Meanwhile, Martella Jazz and Chardonnay Rangers have both enjoyed multiple seasons in the Premiership and scraped to the lows of the fourth tier in modern history. On history, this is one of the matches of the round. But Chardonnay are a slick, professional second-tier outfit now, trending upwards. Martella are not, having seemingly never recovered from the sale of Cheney Bittencourt all those years ago, and get swept 5-0.

Vardalos evidently decides that now the lads need the rest more than a win. A strike partnership of Tihamer and Rahn proves cumbersome, but Vuesala Frey makes the difference with a dipping strike from midfield as the sides draw 1-1. She’s yet to start in the Premiership this season. Maybe the 30-year old Iskandrian deserves to.

After the ecstacy of beating Treason on home soil, City annihilate the Rovers 4-1 in what passes for a derby. City are three to the good by half-time, and when the Rovers do pull one back through the valiant Moxey, Nemeth goes right back up the other side to restore the margin less than 90 seconds later. Hey, at least the Rovers got their first goal in three games. The home fans already want Rickard out, not unreasonably wanting a permanent manager, but who would take on a job like this? Vermillion have largely stabilised under Cralt-Nirlo Fox after the memeing of last year, and in theory provide a firm test for a Sabrefell Athletic side that has been clinical rather than thrilling this season. Well, Athletic pass the test and flog Vermillion 5-0 even with 33-year old stand-in rightback Maeon Vlahos starting, Sipke Tarala with three goals and Xixi Ens with three assists, as the unheralded Kaya Naumoff yet again tames a troublesome midfield and Vlahos picks up an assist himself.

Treason recover from their chastening defeat against the Rovers by beating the Moths 2-0 in a punishing, muscular match between juggernauts, Aristide Metzger doing a lot with very little up front as Romano has a fatal off-day. River score an injury-time goal in each half to steal the points off Brinemouth as Cardoso quietly stars in midfield, Newrook have a feast day in a famine season by bashing Chenoworth Rovers 3-0 away and a resolute defensive performance for Southfell, backed by a trademark Erik Marlowe free kick that rips the net some way out of the posts, while a ten-man Chatswood beat a directionless North Sabrefell 3-1 as Rehan Garrett keeps up his claim as one of the signings of the season.

Rochford appeared content to draw their way to victory, being on five straight with a combined score of 2-2. Half an hour in against Diamondqueen, they look on good form to keep that going, cancelling out a well-taken goal from Lyritzis with a well-taken (and somewhat rarer) goal from Rampart. Then Bronson and Creek force Diamondqueen back in front, before three more goals in the second half (including two contributions from the lesser-spotted Cornelian Stryger) sees the Diamonds make it 6-1. Six goals, incidentally, which was one more than Rochford had managed in the fifteen matches before now. Morningstar win by the same margin, guns firing into life as they waste Chardonnay 5-0. Even manager Erica Karling looks stunned as Trifon Draxler puts aside his abysmal form this season to lead by example, and with Kuijer actually fit for once, and the headstrong Roxanna Strong on target for once, it just all comes together. The most glory, though, goes to Belgrave. In fairness to Serpentine, Coraline Langbauer and Oiji Nanemoru score nice, aesthetically pleasing goals. To make it 5-1, then 5-2. Is the comeback on, as pretty much everyone says sarcastically in one form or another? No, Hamilton, Alexander and Sloan just make it 8-2 in the last 20 minutes.

The Moths hold out for a point against Yuba, going up 17 minutes in thanks to Townsend’s strike, before a red card to Fejzuli for a second yellow card within the first half-hour puts them up against it. They almost hold out the whole time… almost, until Yuba’s pressure tells in injury time for a late, but deserved, leveller. Spartangrad dominate the first half, but they’re unable to make their dominance count, Soederquist resolute in midfield, Bull unbeatable in goal. Brinemouth aren’t exactly leaving them the ball by design, though. Of course, they score first. 61 minutes in, Conjure swings in a lethal free kick… Thomas Uribe catches it with an elbow in an unnatural position, Kuznetsov snatches up the ball from the air and puts it on the spot without even waiting for the whistle (which takes a linesman’s input). The penalty scores, naturally. Spartangrad fight back with more fervour and Wceil, who had missed a sheaf of chances in the first half, is set up slickly by Moran to pull a shot across the charging Bull. Pablo Scotti comes off the bench to hit the post late on, but the Dockers should be happy with a point.

For all that the Spiders have been raised by Hestia Canaan’s haughty, austere brand of management, there’s little of her discipline on display after the opening half-hour. It was a pretty strong half-hour, too, with Han and Stokes almost getting on the scoresheet, Bull at full stretch for both attempts, but then Desya Kuznetsov rams through Anderson arse-over-tit on his way to ramming the ball past Fairweather. Then he scores again five minutes later, and again in the 89th minute, by which time four other Brinemouth names are on the scoresheet and North Laithland have lost all ability to resist, a porous and error-strewn defence, Fairweather managing just a single save all game. Cranequin Wanderers also have a good day, battering a beleagured Corvette 6-0. The Wanderers have seriously struggled to turn possession into meaningful results this season, but the Maulers have seriously struggled to do anything this season. The Wanderers have all the space in the world to return to their 1Div days, picking holes in the Maulers’ defence without pressure, Gisella Riaz having the time of her life rampaging down the centre, playing off the tall timber of Taani, wingers Kudelka and Loxton running rampart, Butcher everywhere… and there’s just no room for the Maulers to even test the vulnerable Kiva Sirleaf, or her defence. Aisha Salthouse had a hard job on her hands, but seems out of her depth.

Fitting in with the theme of the season, Athletic hosting Starling underwhelms. Starling dominate possession but can’t make anything out of open play, while Sipke Tarala is on target when he needs to be. Late on, though, fresh substitute Annika Netzach - to date struggling somewhat at this standard - gets tripped up on the edge of the box, and Liam Armstrong converts the penalty with consummate ease. It’s the least they deserved, but Athletic never seemed to even leave second gear. The Chariots outdo the Crows but with the caveat that Rowena Sierra, whose brace wins them the match, sprains an ankle celebrating the second with a somersault, while Southfell get a point against Stahlburg City in a terribly-officiated match where three of the goals should’ve been chalked off and one disallowed should have stood - for Amalie Gundersen, at least, the injustices evened out.

Last week’s habits die hard. Yet again Diamondqueen smash someone 6-1, this time Morningstar (who endure a ten-goal swing into the red relative to last week), yet again their last opponents Rochford lose by five, this time to a Bishop side that doesn’t even allow them a shot on target, Stovar Krieven twice seen to yawn in goal. Parrhesia also win 5-0, finally starting to warm to their theme this season. Credit is due to B-listers Howlett and McEthinly, who both get on the scoresheet. Gulls striker Daskalakis, a Parrhesia youth product, is very charitable indeed to his former club as he misses two sitters - his form has evaporated since a strong 16 goals last season.

River aren’t expecting much trouble from Stahlburg Rovers, but they have to treat these sorts of matches as the six-pointers they are. The defensive complacency shows. Donath and Cardoso give them a lead heading into half-time either side of Tristan Lovelock’s powerful strike, something that’s usually enough to break the Rovers’ back, before Donath is guilelessly hauled down in the box by centre-half Alanna Clemens at the first sight of Kesteren finding her. Step forward Michi Leonard to take the penalty… step forward Stefan Bolander, only recently restored to the starting lineup, to spring to his left and claw the ball away. Still, River seem to think it’s job done… it isn’t. Sloppy marking from a set piece lets Adele Rosborough pick out Kresp-Cinic at the back post to level, before Rosborough scores herself, then plays in Sujet Carsley to round Taliadoros and roll the ball into an empty net, sealing a 4-2 win.

Treason host North Laithland, fairly confident given that the Spiders were just destroyed 7-0 at home by Brinemouth. But rivalry matches are different, aren’t they? Just three minutes into the game, the Spiders have their opener, the graft and craft of captain Sabitzer (formerly of Chatswood, of course) makes an opening for Croxteth… which careens off the post, but Luke Roberts follows it in, slides and swings out a boot to hook it across the line. That really stirs the crowd, on both sides, and the Spiders press and harass mercilessly to keep their advantage. Croxteth finds the leftback Posipal on the half-hour, and the defender drives the ball low and hard beyond Clavel, rebounding off the inside of the post on its way in. Treason do pull one back when Kurt Ettori brutalises Jonsson just inside the box, John Fletcher lamping it past Fairweather, and Ulreich hits a post in injury time, but it’s a deserved win for the Spiders. Corvette are gashed again, 4-0 at home by the Chariots, with no answer to the midfield. The quality just isn’t there, but Aisha Salthouse can’t find the answers the way Strauss could, and the Brenecian is duly axed to little fanfare.

It’s not the Vermillion derby Parrhesia really want, but it’s the one they get. Unfortunately, they don’t rise to it, but perhaps Seneca Matthews’ Wanderers do, as the Saints have no answers to the directness of a thousand crosses in Saara’s vague direction. Two unselfish knockdowns, goals for the shrimpy Audioslavs Farrier and Kovaleski, and even a missed Pinnon penalty can’t stop the Wanderers taking the points. Ritter Town turn on the style that’s been all too absent this season, the veterans Fenchel, Ankergren and Crestwell stepping up in a 4-1 thrashing of Peregrine (the 1 being in second-half injury time), Chardonnay hammer a hapless Crisisbless Athletic 5-1, while an almost comically Bruno Hawke goal sees Leichhardt beat Hackett 1-0 away when Ingrid Auttenberg somehow beats a wandering Faraj Samara from outside the box with a lofted header.

Missing Fejzuli, their energetic creative fulcrum, the Moths labour against Stahlberg With An E. Fortunately, the defenders get the job done, and Vicelich goes a step better by scoring after a mazy run, beating three people and dragging an honestly rather feeble shot past the wrong-footed ‘keeper. Lutz von Bergen causes a few heart attacks by hammering a shot against the crossbar in injury time, though. Brinemouth, meanwhile, annihilate Qastyr. It’s Qastyr’s first Champions Cup (proper) defeat, and, well, it’s done in serious style. Still, both sides will likely qualify, so what does it matter?

Sparks fly all across the league. There’s one obvious elephant in the room, but why not sweat over it a while? People who tried to watch the other obvious blockbuster were disappointed, Crisisbless’ 1-0 win over Brinemouth definitely one for the purists, which is to say, for boring contrarians. Na’Kefir and Bull both had plenty to do, to be fair, but the game pivoted on a single perfect delivery from Valeri Longship and a single perfect downward header from Johanna Sutton, the homegrown winger deputising for the injured Coppinger. North Laithland against Stahlburg Rovers is a seven-goal thriller, one that exposes the failings of both goalkeepers this season - Fairweather, whose ambition in racing outside her box no longer matches her 32-year old legs, and Bolander, a fine shot-stopper at second-tier level whose confidence has been horribly shorn this season. Rickard opts for pace in attack and is rewarded with a confidence-restoring brace for Corona Sharpe and a free kick from Adele Rosborough, as well as a lively performance from young Eastfield striker Dulcina Radcliffe, but it’s not enough in the end as Griffin Kendall beats Bolander from an all-too-acute angle, slotting the injury-time winner home between his feet. Still, at least it’s… better, from the Rovers. Newrook’s failings are shown up by a Starling side that just has the measure of them, keeping them at arm’s length, first-half strikes from Dostalok and, a novelty, the classy holding midfielder Nova Kymeri proving the difference. Were the Rooks just overachieving these past few years? Certainly, the guns have fallen quiet for players like Farrell, Couturiaux, Hedlund and Hesketh, players for whom perhaps this was never their natural level. Cypher, meanwhile, pick up unexpected points after a spirited second-half performance overturns a 1-0 deficit against Treason, a crisp volley from Cressida Voeller and an ugly deflected hack from Coretta Rooke beating Clavel with their only two shots on target.

And nobody’s watching any of these matches because the Sabrefell derby is on! This season, many of the big-ticket games have sputtered out (can certain parallels be drawn to recent UICA performances?), but not this time - thankfully. Before the match, there’s plenty of talk going around, Tawny Shone criticising Athletic’s ‘stupid edgy red stadium’, new Athletic hire Orsolya Gere talking breezily about how the Moths claim to be Nephara’s club but can’t even lay claim to half their own city. Both sides are carrying injury knocks - the Moths missing Vol, who loves a derby, and Aedelbrandt, while Ojala and Farina are out for the hosts - but it’s the Moths’ stand-ins, Valencia Ashburner and Sigrid Eisenhauer, both homegrown products, who combine for the opener with a one-two that splits Athletic’s patchwork defence in half before the winger toebashes the ball into the top corner. Athletic fight back, but find themselves pinned to their own area throughout the first half, though Eisenhauer misses a clear chance to double the advantage. A heavy touch betrays her, and Gautier races over to claim the ball, before the Moths striker unceremoniously smashes into and over him in the follow-through. Both players wind up injured, Swepstone and Rohrabacher thrown into service, and the fist-fight over it results in a sheaf of cautions strewn about both sides. Athletic are given a lukewarm reception as they march down the tunnel, and come back up with a point to prove - and Sipke Tarala to prove it, an insolent flick over the top of the Moths’ defence from Oscar Coltrane scissor-kicked home in spectacular fashion, Griffin without a hope in hell of stopping it. Alistair Swepstone’s called into action almost immediately afterwards, the homegrown goalkeeper leaping to brilliantly claw a Fejzuli free kick out of the top corner, before the Moths think they really have retaken the lead with a smooth Romano finish… but fourth-string striker Alexis Rohrabacher was caught offside as she centred for her higher-profile partner. A careless mistake, and it’s the last real sniff of the game for the Moths, as the Rams dominate the remaining half-hour. It takes until injury time for a winner that seems inevitable, Coltrane finding Gere unmarked and in space on the edge of the box, the Pasargan not needing to be asked twice. She fired and Griffin reacted smartly to elbow-drop the strike… but the rebound fell kindly, and Gere lofted it over him into the empty net for the winner.

Ritter have struggled somewhat at the outset of this season, but Morten Crestwell’s brace sees off Chardonnay Rangers. It’s their third straight win, or if you’d rather, their fourth win and third clean sheet in five games - either way, it helps them get away from the broken glass at the bottom. The turnaround in form of enigmatic goalkeeper Anna St. Preux has naturally helped. Parrhesia turn on the switch again and smash Serpentine 5-1 - why can’t they do this more often? God knows they have the talent. Adalheid Metzelder, enigmatic as ever, rests her entire first-choice back four against Rochford at home for the stated reason that “there was no point having them sweat over what was gonna be a clean sheet anyway.” Unfortunately for Belgrave, they can’t beat Georgia Petrie either in a truly dire stalemate.

The Premiership sides wade in with aplomb. Andrea Vardalos’ policy of making the most of easier games in different competitions continues as a full-strength Cypher annihilate the Strongest 8-1 away, powerhouse Pasargan striker Borbas Tihamer with his first four goals of the season. Vermillion should be seeing the Cup as a safe shot at silverware, especially at home against Stahlburg Rovers… but perhaps this is the greatest scalp of all, as the rejuvenated and much-changed Rovers win easily, 3-0. The strike partnership of the grizzled Kaskanis and the easy-gliding Radcliffe is particularly effective, and 19-year old goalkeeper Romola Carolan excels in a game that could’ve swung the other way had it not been for her double save point-blank against Porter. Big names topple, of course - the weary Moths get passed circles around by the determined Hawks, who win 2-1, while a breathless 3-3 draw in 90 minutes between Chatswood and Crisisbless swings on a penalty in the first minute of extra time. It’s Crisisbless’, and at the feet of the venerable Jevdjevic-Hadsic, already with two goals tonight, but 31-year old Chatswood goalkeeper Baltasar Gensch guesses the panenka is coming and stands in place to catch it nonchalantly. After a shambles like that, no wonder Vestal and Conleth finish the job in the second half of extra time. The Chariots, Maulers, Newrook and Cranequin Wanderers are also beaten by Premiership opposition. Parrhesia underline their Premiership credentials with an uncharacteristically reserved, professional performance, passing Chenoworth Harriers off the pitch before a patient team effort gives Sigrun Barota the only goal of the game, while Stahlburg City slip up at home to Goodfeather and bullying striker Gabriel Prosper. North Sabrefell, though, are the undoubted shame of the round. Boltcroft Thorns may be struggling at the wrong end of the fucking Second Division, but a weak team selection from Gareth Blackwood underestimates them hugely. But to lose 5-1 at home?! It’s not a good day for fringe players like Lukas Sparr, Esther Abner and Alexis Stinnett. In lower-league tussles, Belgrave deserve a mention for smashing the ex-Corinthians 6-2, and Sheridan deserve a mention for taking Hackett to penalties and then sending all three of theirs over the bar. And, well, Cups are made for coincidences, but this one takes some beating. Five years ago, in the same round, Brindleton came to Athletic, took them to penalties (1-1 after 90 minutes and 3-3 AET thanks to a Col Forsyth brace either side of now-retired journeywoman Diana Blueford’s strike) and won. Athletic went on to finish second that season; Brindleton were relegated from the Second Division, though Col Forsyth (since of East Laithland Harriers and Esprit Tarantaise of Acronius, presently in Ethane with Deloitte) has arguably been dining off that game ever since. Now Brindleton host Athletic, each team flying close to the top of their respective leagues. In Brindleton’s case, that’s now the Third Division. And, yes, it’s 2-2 after 90 minutes, then extra time… and then, again, Brindleton win on penalties.

Oh, dear. The chalk crushes the cheese, as Cranequin pay Vermillion a visit. The Wanderers have struggled to deal with pace all season long, and, well, Vermillion are all about pace. The Judas wingers of Breremond and Porter run rampant down the flanks, a situation worsened by the injury of Tristan Polenz, with 32-year old fullbacks Pietersen and Killanen just not up to the task. Breremond scores first with a deft, unmarked header at the far post when Aysu Damjana picks him out masterfully with a cross, but the Wanderers at least equalise with… a deft, unmarked header at the far post from Taani when Kudelka picks her out masterfully with a free kick. But it’s the last joy Cranequin will see, as Vermillion crush them in the second half with four unanswered goals. Treason and Crisisbless cancel each other out in an energetic match where Mikkel Jonsson and Moira Woakes both fall quiet, leaving it up to Big Lads Up Top Ruhl and Fletcher to do the damage with towering headers. Corvistone’s quiet achievement this season shouldn’t go unnoticed, as they give the Dockers the run-around. The Crows like to play pretty football, but remember, Hadrian Belfast was the best defender in the world in his playing days, and has no trouble putting energetic teenager Lucy Almwood out at leftback with the sole mission of silencing Bryger Tidesson by any means necessary. It works, but on the other wing, Deventer draws a penalty that Kuznetsov blasts past Kovacic anyway. But the Crows aren’t discouraged - just three minutes later, beloved heroine Krista Morham flights a shot from distance past Bull when the burly Brinemouth stopper is a little off his line, before setting up Afolayan in first-half injury-time to hammer home the eventual winner. Brinemouth press hard to get back into the game in the second half, but unapologetically defensive substitutions in playmaker Pangallo off for the hatchet-man Lekea in midfield and natural centre-half Olexander Green on at rightback for the tiring Muhren kill off the game.

At the bottom, a desperate struggle between Stahlburg Rovers and Cypher Town sees the former, hosting, pick up their first draw of the season. The Rovers promote Cup heroes Carolan, Sesay and Kaskanis, and look a little more solid throughout the line, though Cypher can’t put them under too much pressure. Teenager goalkeeper Carolan does well under pressure, though her stocky 5’7” frame makes her look like something of a futsal goalkeeper, and perhaps a taller one could have done more about a McCosgraigh strike that didn’t quite hit the bottom corner… but more importantly, the Rovers don’t fold at the first sign of trouble. 31-year old Annegret Bellinghausen doesn’t do a whole lot on the right wing, but she manages to find Moxey on the left edge of the penalty area with a huge, pinpoint switch, and Moxey drills it across the face of goal… and veteran forward Kaskanis is there to prod home his first league goal of the season. Oh, and to cap it off, the Maulers hire their new manager - Malta Falconer, who has no experience at this level and has mostly experienced relegation in the second tier. Still, she managed one great escape with Extreme Hills, there, before succumbing the next season; can she do the same here?

Goodfeather stomp Rochford 4-0, denying them the chance at a second win of the season with almost contemptuous ease. It’s guillotine time for Perspective Merson, the week of her 51st birthday. Almost immediately, Rochford are on the phone to Augustine Houghton, the dignified elder statesman parachuting in soon after. It’s… well, it’s some kind of move! Houghton was a sharp operator at this level… for a long time. But now? Kaj Aurora has some complaints to the media, accusing them of always being on her back when Parrhesia stumble and never mentioning when they play well. They proceed to play appallingly against Armstrong and lose 3-1. What can you do? Serpentine claw more precious points at the bottom, thanks in part to a rare goal from Garrett Stijnen and, in part, to Iyoas Raskerin’s fearless save on the line. With his hand. But Ellen Wheelock guesses right (well, left, but, r- correctly.) and turns Catric Pinnon’s penalty around the post. Vermillion Wanderers’ designated penalty-taker has now missed all three spot-kicks this season; one suspects he won’t be taking the rest, despite his excellence in all other areas, while Raskerin goes down the tunnel a hero.

Dead rubbers, with both groups having been sealed at this stage (bar Globe Cup entry, anyway). The Moths handle Eastweald professionally, anyway, a clean sheet burnished by Swansea Reach’s first goal at this level, while a devil-may-care Brinemouth get turned over 4-2 by a Tani side eager to get some pride. The Dockers cling on, equalising twice in the first half and threatening constantly, before they slip away in the second.

Group D                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Yub  SfM  Ewd  SWS
1 Yuba United               COM    6    4   2   0    10    3   +7    14    —   2–1  0–0  3–0
2 Sabrefell Moths           NPH    6    4   1   1     8    4   +4    13   1–1   —   1–0  2–0
3 Eastweald                 COS    6    1   1   4     3    5   −2     4   0–1  1–2   —   2–0
4 SW Stahlberg              STL    6    1   0   5     2   11   −9     3   1–3  0–1  1–0   —

Group H                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Qst  Brm  Tan  Spg
1 Qastyr                    QUS    6    3   2   1     7    9   −2    11    —   1–0  2–0  1–0
2 Brinemouth                NPH    6    3   1   2    16    8   +8    10   6–0   —   3–1  4–1
3 Tanrısal                  PAS    6    2   2   2    12   11   +1     8   2–2  4–2   —   1–1
4 Spartangrad               EUR    6    0   3   3     5   12   −7     3   1–1  1–1  1–4   —

Both sides qualify in second - the Moths fairly breezily, Brinemouth somewhat more narrowly, though with an emphatic 16 goals scored.

Group E                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Rzl  ATr  SDI  WhR
1 Rozelle                   BRE    6    6   0   0    13    4   +9    18    —   2–1  3–1  2–1
2 AFC Treason               NPH    6    3   1   2    11    7   +4    10   1–2   —   3–1  1–1
3 San Diego Iguanas         COM    6    1   1   4     5   11   −6     4   0–2  0–1   —   2–2
4 Westhold Royals           MRN    6    0   2   4     5   12   −7     2   0–2  1–4  0–1   —

Group K                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   SfA  Kfl  LNA  RaU
1 Sabrefell Athletic        NPH    6    4   2   0    10    4   +6    14    —   2–2  2–1  2–0
2 Koflir                    QUS    6    2   2   2     9    7   +2     8   0–1   —   2–3  2–0
3 La Nueva Avenida          FFD    6    2   1   3     8   12   −4     7   0–2  1–1   —   2–1
4 Ramusok United            COS    6    1   1   4     6   10   −4     4   1–1  0–2  4–1   —

Treason manage one of those ‘best-of-the-rest’ performances. Rozelle win all their games, but Treason take three wins from the remaining four to cruise through in second, an emphatic 4-1 win in Westhold underlining their progress. Sabrefell Athletic also qualify fairly easily, going unbeaten in a tough group, even taking a 2-0 win from war-torn Farfadillis.

Group G                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   CqW  MkU  Mrv  Mlb
1 Cranequin Wanderers       NPH    6    4   0   2     8    3   +5    12    —   2–1  0–1  2–0
2 Makosile United           VIL    6    3   1   2    10    5   +5    10*  0–1   —   3–1  3–0
3 Moresville FC             TAE    6    3   1   2     8    7   +1    10*  1–0  1–1   —   4–2
4 Millbrook                 ETN    6    1   0   5     3   14  −11     3   0–3  0–2  1–0   — 
* Makosile United ahead of Moresville FC on head-to-head points

The NFA voted to break with long-standing tradition and re-enter the SBCC for the first time in… roughly 20 years. Cranequin duly came first, though the other two failed to make it as far as the tournament proper. The Wanderers dropped both games against Taeshani Moresville 1-0, but beat the rest home and away, using it as a chance to blood young goalkeeper Konrad Matheny. The 20-year old’s stood up to the challenge admirably, conceding just three goals throughout.

Yet again, Andrea Vardalos goes for it against foreign opposition. Tihamer and Rooke are a spicy partnership up front, Madine and Voeller solid and mobile in midfield. The result is a 5-2 hammering that should restore flagging spirits - those of players, as much as fans.

It’s Apotheosis Kaskanis’ 33rd birthday today! Some present he gets, though. Matthew Rickard has him start alone up front against Crisisbless, packing the midfield in the time-honoured white flag formation, actual goal threats Carsley and Sharpe watching mournfully from the bench as Romola Carolan is helpless to stop Crisisbless strolling to a 3-0 win, with the now-creaking Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic with his own Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic tribute act for a couple of effortless assists, brutalist striker Kurtis Laiota on the receiving end of both. Meanwhile, there’s a sense of injustice in Cypher. With Southfell holding a 1-0 lead, Nagy slips a defence-splitting pass that Erik Marlowe seizes upon… well, almost. In his mad tunnel vision to get to the ball, he barely seems to register Ruo Xiaolan running out for the same pass, and trips over her face with the full force of his boot. The way Ruo twitches is… concerning, though she’s later cleared of anything worse than a concussion in hospital. Marlowe looks almost remorseful when he’s sent off. Almost. But the need for vengeance, and the openings against ten men, get Cypher back into the game. It’s Tripodi who eventually gets them level, but they just run out of time by the end.

Newrook show they at least still have teeth. Today’s Jezdimir Ocokoljic is a shadow of the 72 vintage, but he shows a glimpse of that incredible first year, curling a first-time strike around Griffin and both centre-halves with the outside of his left boot, before setting up the aging Avila Wardenier - once, of course, of Athletic - for the second. The Moths scrape one back late on to make things interesting, but Karena Hesketh rolls back a year or two and keeps the rest at bay. Cranequin outpass Starling with Taani providing that bit of Plan B directness, while something of a … a central Sabrefell derby plays out between the Bohemians and River. It’s, uh, a pretty lukewarm affair. Still, River have drawn fully half their games coming into the match, and threaten to extend that before typically swashbuckling Farfish rightback Chuy Villaverde goes wandering to let Laramee score a late winner. Kia Anders’ position is starting to be under threat...

Hackett’s form has evaporated recently, and the preseason relegation favourites look sloppy and jaded in a 3-1 defeat to Iron City. The winless run has coincided with goalless streaks for Gallan and Neury but also, more subtly, an injury to midfield lynchpin Hecate Dransfeld - she, at least, makes a return off the bench for the last 20 minutes, to scattered away applause. Morningstar probably wish they never let her go, and they’re abject in 1-0 defeat to a comfortable Goodfeather. Vermillion Wanderers are looking over their shoulders - not counting the derby (and form going out the window etc) they’ve lost three in a row, without scoring in four - but Istria Saara picks a really good time to find her shooting boots, the 21-year old Mrii scoring first and last in a 3-2 nailbiter against the streaky Otters that puts some distance between them and the drop.

Vardalos spares some of her starters the punishing trip to the Whirl Islands, though a handful of key players like Tripodi, Madine and Brind make the move over to ensure some solidity. All they need to do is, uhm, not lose by four. They lose by one. They’ll take it. It’s Rainer Burgnich’s warm-up for the Rams away next match...

Cypher are not a good side. One of Cypher’s best players is Ruo Xiaolan, their goalkeeper. Ruo’s still concussed after getting annihilated by Marlowe, though, so instead Cypher have a guy called Rainer Burgnich, formerly of Crossroads Town, fresh off a stint in Acronius, who turns 34 in four days and is enjoying his first ever Premiership start. Against the Rams. Great! So naturally, narrative klaxons wailing, the plodding journeyman makes nine saves, a couple of them spectacular, plucks every cross out of the air - Ruo’s main weakness - and keeps a clean sheet, while at the other end, rightback Thorn Tristram bombs on, Karo Vanstrattan finds him with a raking cross-field pass and the defender hacks it unceremoniously past the wrong-footed Gautier, who can’t shift his weight across fast enough to even get to ground. Treason show the Hawks some humility - just a week after Coret was beaten 2-0 by Brinemouth, they’re hammered 3-0 in the west, an aging side having no answers to the Stags’ physicality. For all the Hawks’ big money, their central defence is a guy who turns 35 this season and a guy they literally got from the Legaskari, while Ivana Henderson doesn’t quite have the lethal finish of a natural Globe Cup striker. All in all, they just can’t land a glove on their opponents.

Starling, stunningly, drop two points against Corvette, the Maulers extending a relative hot streak to three straight draws that dates back to their new manager’s arrival thanks to a late far-post header from Aristomenios Karnezis. Meanwhile in Stahlburg, not only do the Rovers get an entire point against Corvistone (!!) thanks to a Carolan clean sheet and a whole lot of dross, but Stahlburg City choke on a 2-0 half-time lead to lose 3-2 to the Wanderers, Kresimir Brujah’s third red card of the season being a significant factor. As, to be fair, was the resulting newfound freedom of Shona Butcher, whose inconsistency at this level has been a thorn in Cranequin’s side - but she made the difference today, rewarding the faith.

A good day for some of the bottom-feeders, a frustrating day for others. Crisisbless Athletic break a string of defeats in style, an insane end-to-end 3-3 game at half-time giving way to a composed, controlled second-half showing against Belgrave, Kite picking them off on the counter before Damian Keogh celebrates his 36th birthday by coming off the bench to score the clincher for 5-3. Peregrine, too, earn some good news as they blow Iron away 6-2, contributing six different names to the scoresheet. Or five, given that one’s a shambolic own goal from Yulia Heidt. But for Morningstar, it’s a missed opportunity in a game they really needed to win against struggling West Brinemouth - instead, a late penalty levels the scores - while Rochford find themselves having scored twice for the only time this season… before folding to a 3-2 loss against Parrhesia anyway. Modest 1-0 wins for overachieving Mantlegrove and Serpentine also help solidify their distance from the relegation dogfight. Hackett’s winless run continues, though a draw against Brookford isn’t so bad - still, their fantastic early form seems a flash in the pan now.

by **Nephara** » Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:14 am

The top two face off in a crunch fixture, Athletic paying the Heelers a visit. Athletic haven’t quite been the free-flowing attacking unit people expected, scoring the fewest of the top six but by a distance having the best defence in the league. But here, they just can’t get started, and 18 minutes in, Crisisbless are ahead. Ruhl, doing the hard yards with his back to goal, bulldozes through Farina before turning Campbell and hacking back across goal, and Moira Woakes breezes in at subtle lightning pace to roll leisurely past Gautier. It proves the only goal of the game, Crisisbless stifling… the entire pitch, really, and Na’Kefir more than equal to the dribs and drabs that come his way. Athletic’s lead is cut down to one. A late winner from Bryger Tidesson, a one-man army for Brinemouth against Aries on a day when most of the rest stutter, keeps the Dockers in third, with the Moths crushing the Wanderers to leapfrog Treason on goal diference into 4th, the Stags doing what they have to against the Harriers. Coret beat Stahlburg Rovers to stay in the CC chase, despite recent chastening defeats, with Starling rounding out the top seven, beating the 8th-placed Rovers 1-0 to extend their lead to four points.

The relegation picture has drastically narrowed. The Harriers, River, Chatswood and Cranequin all sit on 23 points, ranging 18th through 21st. They’re six points away from a bloc of teams on 29 points above (notably including an underachieving Newrook City), and five points above 22nd-place Cypher Town, who draw North Sabrefell. The Maulers and Stahlburg Rovers, both defeated, are well adrift already, so it looks like five teams fighting over 1.5 places. And that might be generous to Cypher, whose 1-1 hard-won draw against North Sabrefell feels like a good result, but at the same time a loss of two more winnable points.

For all Parrhesia’s mercurial nature, they’re currently at the top after crushing Morningstar 5-1 under their heel. With Stars third-last, Erica Karling’s axed from her first senior job. Cranequin City find themselves on the receiving end of a 3-0 smashing from Diamondqueen and slip to second - for Creed, some way behind, their ninth draw of the season against West Brinemouth illustrates the reason they’re slipping away, while South Laithland’s win over Bishop keeps them fourth. Conceivably, the entire top half could find themselves promoted by the end. The margins are equally slim at the bottom, but Crisisbless Athletic’s 3-1 win over Goodfeather at least lifts them over the Gulls, who are 21st with Morningstar a place behind on goal difference. At the foot of the table, in the 78th minute for Rochford against Serpentine, Wynona Rampart runs onto a ball from Forrest, almost blows it with a heavy first touch before recovering by taking the second to chip over an onrushing Ellen Wheelock, cheering wildly. It’s the striker’s third goal in 20 appearances. To be fair, the entire rest of the team only has seven between them. They and Peregrine (crushed 4-0 by the ever-mercurial Brookford) are slipping adrift, but at least in Markus Kaufmann Peregrine have a goalscorer who has as many goals as, well, Rochford.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic       23  14   5   4  40  17  +23  47
  2 Crisisbless              23  13   7   3  46  27  +19  46
  3 Brinemouth               23  13   5   5  52  24  +28  44
  4 Sabrefell Moths          23  13   5   5  50  23  +27  44
  5 AFC Treason              23  13   5   5  48  22  +26  44
  6 Coret Hawks              23  12   5   6  41  29  +12  41
  7 Starling                 23  11   7   5  35  25  +10  40
  8 Chenoworth Rovers        23  11   3   9  29  29   +0  36
  9 AFC Corvistone           23  10   5   8  35  31   +4  35
 10 Crisisbless United       23   9   7   7  38  39   -1  34
 11 Aries Chariots           23   7  11   5  36  29   +7  32
 12 Vermillion Rage          23   8   7   8  35  35   +0  31
 13 North Laithland          23   8   7   8  31  37   -6  31
 14 Stahlburg City           23   9   3  11  24  29   -5  30
 15 Newrook City             23   7   8   8  28  26   +2  29
 16 Southfell United         23   7   8   8  30  31   -1  29
 17 North Sabrefell          23   7   8   8  28  34   -6  29
 18 Chenoworth Harriers      23   6   5  12  24  32   -8  23
 19 Raven River              23   4  11   8  34  46  -12  23
 20 Chatswood                23   5   8  10  31  43  -12  23
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      23   5   8  10  27  40  -13  23
 22 Cypher Town              23   4   6  13  18  33  -15  18
 23 Corvette Maulers         23   2   6  15  16  46  -30  12
 24 Stahlburg Rovers         23   2   2  19  20  69  -49   8

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United          23  15  2   6  49  30  +19  47
  2 Cranequin City            23  14  4   5  30  19  +11  46
  3 Creed United              23  11  9   3  35  19  +16  42
  4 South Laithland           23  12  4   7  27  17  +10  40
  5 Diamondqueen              23  11  5   7  46  24  +22  38
  6 Leichhardt                23  10  8   5  26  16  +10  38
  7 Belgrave                  23  11  4   8  41  27  +14  37
  8 Bishop                    23  10  7   6  29  17  +12  37
  9 Armstrong                 23  10  5   8  22  23   -1  35
 10 Chardonnay Rangers        23  10  5   8  30  36   -6  35
 11 Brookford Otters          23   9  7   7  36  33   +3  34
 12 Hackett                   23   9  6   8  27  25   +2  33
 13 Goodfeather FC            23   8  7   8  31  25   +6  31
 14 Gonen's Bridge            23   9  4  10  24  32   -8  31
 15 Iron City                 23   8  6   9  24  26   -2  30
 16 Mantlegrove               23   9  3  11  23  27   -4  30
 17 AFC Serpentine            23   8  4  11  20  38  -18  28
 18 Vermillion Wanderers      23   7  5  11  23  29   -6  26
 19 Ritter Town               23   6  7  10  26  29   -3  25
 20 Crisisbless Athletic      23   5  7  11  28  36   -8  22
 21 West Brinemouth           23   5  6  12  16  27  -11  21
 22 Morningstar               23   5  6  12  21  39  -18  21
 23 Peregrine                 23   5  4  14  25  41  -16  19
 24 Rochford                  23   3  7  13  10  34  -24  16

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Pillars of Southfell         23  15  4   4  31  10  +21  49
  2 Dartmouth Terriers           23  14  4   5  38  18  +20  46
  3 Riverkey                     23  11  8   4  35  20  +15  41
  4 Locksley                     23  12  5   6  42  33   +9  41
  5 The Strongest                23  12  4   7  54  37  +17  40
  6 Aries Solitaire              23  12  4   7  44  29  +15  40
  7 Alliance Barossia            23  10  9   4  37  23  +14  39
  8 AFC Shale                    23  11  5   7  25  15  +10  38
  9 Extreme Hills                23  10  8   5  30  21   +9  38
 10 Corinthians No Longer        23  11  4   8  33  23  +10  37
 11 Coret Rovers                 23  11  4   8  38  40   -2  37
 12 Southriver                   23  10  4   9  25  25   +0  34
 13 Greygate                     23   9  5   9  36  39   -3  32
 14 Barossia United              23   9  5   9  31  36   -5  32
 15 Stonegrave                   23   8  5  10  21  27   -6  29
 16 Falston United               23   7  7   9  33  35   -2  28
 17 Sheridan                     23   7  7   9  18  21   -3  28
 18 Ballardine FC                23   5  8  10  23  29   -6  23
 19 Autumnstone                  23   4  9  10  27  42  -15  21
 20 East Laithland Harriers      23   6  2  15  21  38  -17  20
 21 The Hanged Man               23   4  6  13  10  27  -17  18
 22 Boltcroft Thorns             23   4  6  13  20  39  -19  18
 23 West Hook                    23   3  7  13  19  34  -15  16
 24 Crossroads Town              23   2  8  13  26  56  -30  14

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar              23  19  3   1  53  19  +34  60
  2 Brindleton             23  17  2   4  42  22  +20  53
  3 Gosmouth Swans         23  15  4   4  31  16  +15  49
  4 Brokenarch             23  13  6   4  58  27  +31  45
  5 Lazuli Diamonds        23  13  5   5  52  33  +19  44
  6 Mapleford              23  13  3   7  41  32   +9  42
  7 Ox River United        23  12  5   6  35  21  +14  41
  8 Martella Jazz          23  12  3   8  47  42   +5  39
  9 Kensey Town            23  10  7   6  47  33  +14  37
 10 Rochford Pilgrims      23   9  5   9  29  35   -6  32
 11 South Parrhesia        23   9  4  10  43  34   +9  31
 12 Fully Sick XI          23   8  7   8  29  36   -7  31
 13 Falston Town           23   9  3  11  40  42   -2  30
 14 Sutcroft Athletic      23   8  6   9  21  29   -8  30
 15 Strephonage            23   8  5  10  32  28   +4  29
 16 Hartford Glade         23   7  5  11  24  35  -11  26
 17 Sirencall FC           23   7  4  12  35  50  -15  25
 18 Iron United            23   6  4  13  20  29   -9  22
 19 FC Seierstad           23   4  9  10  26  38  -12  21
 20 Long Lake              23   6  2  15  18  33  -15  20
 21 Brunyard FC            23   6  2  15  30  46  -16  20
 22 Stamper Road           23   5  3  15  29  51  -22  18
 23 Sutcroft               23   3  7  13  27  40  -13  16
 24 Rushe United           23   4  2  17  23  61  -38  14

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ringway                 23  13  8   2  40  22  +18  47
  2 Chenoworth Teutons      23  14  4   5  28  22   +6  46
  3 Riverkey Shells         23  12  5   6  40  24  +16  41
  4 Ingram Township         23  12  4   7  36  18  +18  40
  5 Lockheed Zenith         23  11  5   7  31  28   +3  38
  6 Iberia Chenoworth       23  10  6   7  44  29  +15  36
  7 Fischer                 23  10  6   7  43  29  +14  36
  8 Harrington              23   9  7   7  36  33   +3  34
  9 Crownsend Journey       23   9  6   8  43  35   +8  33
 10 Stonesthrow Town        23   8  9   6  31  27   +4  33
 11 Boleyn Town             23   8  8   7  25  21   +4  32
 12 Grovebank               23   8  7   8  31  28   +3  31
 13 Fenland Albion          23   7  9   7  21  22   -1  30
 14 AFC Feuerweiss          23   7  5  11  33  41   -8  26
 15 Courser                 23   6  8   9  21  31  -10  26
 16 Sleetwell Rangers       23   5  9   9  27  38  -11  24
 17 Aspen Grove             23   5  6  12  31  42  -11  21
 18 AFC Hellerine           23   4  6  13  30  46  -16  18
 19 Camwell Road            23   3  9  11  20  45  -25  18
 20 Swag Hill Rovers        23   4  3  16  29  59  -30  15

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Caldwick Strand           23  15   7   1  45  27  +18  52
  2 Pravenna Saints           23  12   7   4  37  18  +19  43
  3 Downsparrow               23  11   8   4  37  24  +13  41
  4 Bodkin Road               23  11   6   6  30  20  +10  39
  5 Gridlock                  23  11   4   8  24  16   +8  37
  6 Corvistone City           23  10   6   7  30  22   +8  36
  7 AFC Volksgarten           23   9   9   5  28  21   +7  36
  8 Cranequin Souths          23   8   8   7  29  27   +2  32
  9 Northside Eagles          23   8   7   8  34  31   +3  31
 10 Constance Park            23   7  10   6  20  19   +1  31
 11 AFC Burchess              23   8   6   9  34  34   +0  30
 12 The Travellers FC         23   7   8   8  31  25   +6  29
 13 Brookford Vantablack      23   6   9   8  30  30   +0  27
 14 Twelvetrees               23   6   9   8  24  24   +0  27
 15 South Brill               23   4  12   7  27  33   -6  24
 16 Rookwall                  23   5   6  12  15  26  -11  21
 17 Blaze                     23   4   9  10  28  48  -20  21
 18 Brookway Town             23   4   8  11  17  28  -11  20
 19 Corby Hubris              23   3  10  10  27  50  -23  19
 20 Markoni                   23   4   5  14  17  41  -24  17

by **Nephara** » Thu Apr 25, 2019 1:49 am

This Cup feels like one in which the outliers are shoved quickly out the door. There’s not many truly obscure names left. Ivy Herrick’s West Hook, battling relegation in the third tier, are well beaten 2-0 at home by Ritter, Athletic-scalping Brindleton beaten 2-0 by River, Ballardine swept up 3-0 by Starling as Annika Netzach makes the most of a rare chance to shine. Greygate, at least, put up a fight - recently relegated from the second tier, but they still have a few familiar names. Meeting Crisisbless United, veteran Pasargan midfielder Maja Duvnjak sets up former Belgrave striker Constance Strober, unmarked on the edge of the box, to fire low under Besart Schankelen. Beth Pike strikes back scant minutes later, but Greygate’s physicality and desperation keep themselves in the game - but they tire, late on, and goals from Novkovic and Wheaton give United the win in the last five minutes. More impressively still, Long Lake, a side desperately fighting to avoid relegation to the Conference, throw their bodies in the way to keep themselves in the game against Belgrave before veteran winger Markus Levin slams home a late, late leveller. Better still, Levin puts them ahead in extra time, and Sylvia Rouseff - celebrating her 35th birthday - has to bail out Belgrave even later. It comes to penalties, and both the aging wingers score - for Long Lake, though, the rest of the team (except for their 38-year old centre-half captain) lets them down, Belgrave Cup keeper Odessa Bonds standing strong despite having failed to make a save in the 120 minutes prior. The Boltcroft Thorns are desperately struggling to stay afloat in the Second Division, but they become the last lower-league representation after beating Hackett 2-1. Parrhesia’s hosting Rochford is a 1 v 24 clash in the second tier, but it’s a scoreless draw over 120 minutes, leading to a poor shootout in which only half the shots find their mark. Rochford wind up scraping through it. In Brinemouth, there’s a genuine derby, glossy Dockers against windswept, impoverished Gulls. Two clubs who are actual sworn rivals. West Brinemouth rise to the occasion, but it’s a mirror of Greygate’s visit to Crisisbless - Anja Spinnett rifles home a well-taken strike from just outside the box and Aris Daskalakis forces some sharp saves from Iona Britton, but after the hour mark, the Gulls crumble, lose a man when Robin Seizter picks up a second caution, and collapse to lose 3-1. Corvistone are the lone scalp, with their former man Markus Kaufmann notching an almost apologetic hat-trick against his hometown club. “After the third sheepish little fist-pump in front of his old fans, it just comes off as insulting,“ said the unimpressed Crows manager Hadrian Belfast. “Markus isn’t that kind of character; he should be himself.” North Laithland make heavy weather of beating Stahlburg Rovers 1-0, Chenoworth Rovers beat Southfell in extra time, while Chatswood utterly demolish an overstretched Coret 4-0.

An unusually frank statement from Stahlburg Rovers. Halfway through the season, during an international break for qualifiers, the chairman calls a press conference and admits, frankly, “Relegation is an inevitability. But we have found a manager who knows the club and can help shepherd us to that relegation, limiting the damage and restoring pride to the best of his ability.” It’s… Reinhard Drake… ? He is a blatantly populist appointment, a one-club man for the side in his playing days, but thus far with a weak record in management, most recently relegated with Locksley. He presides over an unremarkable 2-1 defeat at home to the Harriers, who have done pretty much nothing of note this season. He restores Sujet Carsley to the starting lineup, and the Chariots winger winds up rewarding him with their goal, but Kaskanis, Carolan, Scarratt and Sesay retain hard-won places - or do Lovelock, Bolander, Colgan and Steelshrift retain hard-lost ones? That… doesn’t even really make sense, but in any case, Lovelock and Steelshrift aren’t even in the 18.

Mirroring that neatly, Chenoworth Rovers visit Stahlburg City and win 2-1. Catheline Harper is just about the least popular player around the Smiths’ territory, a former captain of both Stahlburg Rovers and Treason, and she rubs each goal gleefully in the face of the away fans. Olivia Nygard shows Cypher Town what they’re missing with a crisp brace; Cypher show Nygard what she’s missing with two assists from the revitalised Freya McCosgraigh, one to the impressive, versatile Tripodi and the other to mobile, intelligent Cressida Voeller. The return of the Classic, though, only has one winner - it’s Treason, neutralising Brinemouth in classic form. Former Brinemouth leftback Tessa Bayliss swings in the cross for the opener, finding Jonsson on the edge of the box rather than the more obvious tall timber in the box, and the Vanorian brings it down with his chest before coolly sidefooting it into the bottom corner beyond Bull, while in the second half, Jonsson plays provider with a brilliant free kick… well, okay, he doesn’t mean to play provider, but it arrows lethally towards the far corner. Bull does really well to parry it down and away, but Raquel Accardi hooks out a leg to pull it across him and over the line.

Creed’s hosting Parrhesia is a blockbuster clash, and the schedulers know it - it winds up being the curtain-raiser, at least on TV, to the Classic. For all the hype, it’s a dour affair, one that naturally suits Creed better. That said, Parrhesia give them some early heart-attacks, Teris firing what should be a comfortable enough low save for Byron Caldwick, but the 35-year old goalkeeper somehow winds up flicking it up onto the crossbar, with Micaiah Cohen bug-eyed as she watched the flight of the ball. Anis Trabelsi, Creed’s most dependable scorer, plays provider for Joel Conway to slot home the only goal of the game from the edge of the box. In Morena Camberwell’s first game in charge after being snapped up from AFC Shale, Morningstar share the spoils with Serpentine after an entertaining 2-2 draw with a red card apiece, while Crisisbless Athletic and West Brinemouth similarly throw off the shackles - just, Athletic are evidently better at it, winning 3-1 as Simon Bradden has a real 10/10 performance.

Uhh. A-ha. What? Brinemouth aren’t exactly throwing up a white flag as they host Stahlburg Rovers, with Kuznetsov apparently refusing to be rested, while the fresh legs coming in include the likes of Chromatik internationals Montague and Dragana. They both have terrible games. Pretty much every Docker is terrible, except the lively Tambra Matalin on the right wing, the goalscorer Zara Cormann up front, and the at least forgettable Marcin Close; but this supposed high-class side is caught out by a throw-in. Yes, Danijel Brymora and your fifty-odd caps for Nephara, you can’t be offside from a throw! You still have to track Drusilla Moxey, or she’ll do something like drill a cross across the face of goal for Corona Sharpe to drive home unmarked. And even the normally redoubtable Ryan Bull is infected, dropping a high cross from Skalak when Kaskanis clatters lightly into him. The fast-thinking veteran scoops the ball off the floor towards Adele Rosborough, who reacts quickly to drive it in. Desya Kuznetsov celebrates in the 39th minute by putting Kresp-Cinic Jan in a sleeper hold during a corner, before three minutes later just settling for kneecapping them. “They air down my neck,” he offers the press by way of explanation. Kuznetsovless, homegrown striker Cormann tries her luck from 26 yards and catches out the talented but callow Carolan to pull one back in injury time, but Brinemouth can’t get that winner.

In less stupid matches, Cypher’s Rainer Burgnich has kept his place in goal even after Ruo’s recovery. That might not follow much longer. The Eagles are on the verge of taking a point from profligate Crisisbless United, until Thorn Tristram sees Tamba running at him in injury time, turns and rolls a routine backpass towards Burgnich. The veteran goalkeeper lumbers forward, swings out a right boot and… undershoots the target, and falls over, letting Tamba nip in and roll the ball into the empty net to steal the points. Well. Maybe that’s also a stupid match. How about Corvette hosting River? Thaaat’s marked by a dissatisfied Corvette fan hurling a parsnip at Malta Falconer, missing, and instead knocking the nearby goalkeeping coach Roy Hennessey out cold. It’s 2-2 at the time, but Michael Lin (deputising for the injured Acatha Feldman) catches a cross under pressure from Breisgau and… falls back into his own net for a late River winner that technically counted as a goal for the puzzled rightback Villaverde. Perhaps Hennessey, a former journeyman goalkeeper with Corvette, Southfell, Parrhesia, the Chequers and Hills, could’ve done a better job - even at 49. A stupid week full of cursed matches, then. Moving on.

A good day for goalkeepers, or perhaps just a dour one for the neutrals - most clubs keep clean sheets, and there’s four scoreless draws. Among them is one for Jakob Carter, as goals from Thornwood and Kuijer secure the first win of Camberwell’s reign, and a much-needed salve for Stars’ wounds. Others, rather more predictably, include West Brinemouth’s Terrano and Ritter’s St. Preux, two sides sharing inadequate spoils. The main excitement comes in Hackett’s win over Chardonnay, unless you like watching Parrhesia wail on Crisisbless Athletic like a boxer slamming punches into a side of beef, as the result swings based on Faraj Samara’s… interesting decision to go up for a corner. With the scores at 1-1. In the 54th minute. Despite horrified players noting the green shirt among their ranks, it winds up being Samara battering home what winds up being the winner when a bounce falls favourably, and the goalkeeper celebrates by conceding, and then saving, a penalty not long after.

“We’ll get nowhere by surrendering to the big teams,” Stahlburg Rovers manager Reinhard Drake reasons. “God knows we tried before, but that changes while I’m here.” Hosting Treason, they take an early lead - a Carsley cutback is deflected off Vornander’s boot, but falls favourably for Rosborough on the edge of the box to drive into the bottom corner. Rosborough’s been perhaps the most revitalised by Drake’s arrival, and her long ball onto the toe of Sharpe should have been rewarded with a goal, but the former Moths striker was ambushed by Clavel, firing it point-blank into his hands, the ball falling perilously onto the crossbar, before Svensson took control of the rebound and lamped it down the wing. For Clarisse Ulreich to take ahold of, drive inside untouched and fire past Carolan. When your luck’s out, it’s out. Ulreich then sets up Metzger to give Treason the lead on the stroke of half-time, and Mastiff makes it three on the hour, but the Rovers are at least rewarded for their effort when Jasmine Colindon’s clever movement lets her link up Rosborough and Sharpe, and the striker looks up to cut back across goal, where substitute winger Vivienne Morgan races in to convert at the far post. They don’t get a point, but putting up a fight is worth a lot. Brinemouth, for their part, were reliant on a deeply contentious 80th-minute penalty to beat an energetic Southfell, and even then, Aldous got fingers to Evelyn Conjure’s effort.

The main event is the Crisisbless derby. United are doing well this season, and fancy their chances to do the double over their rivals, with a packed crowd chiefly in red and black. Crisisbless start the stronger team, have a penalty appeal waved away - Moira Woakes is outraged, and picks up a booking for dissent in the aftermath - before United take the lead, Tom Garner powerfully winning a midfield header, Antelmi finding his way on the end of it and sliding it through to Sigrun Rivers, who cuts inside from the right to drive a shot under Na’Kefir against the run of play. But Crisisbless know that was… well, what it was, and they know they can just keep doing what they were doing. Allison Swan strikes to give them their reward on the stroke of half-time, before the walls collapse on United in the second half, Coppinger somehow left unmarked on the edge of the box to drive home Crisisbless’ second, Woakes and Laiota hammering home the point, while United substitute Olga Kitzbichler comes on in the 55th minute and gets herself sent off in the 58th.

When every crap team gets a lifeline, do any of them? There’s 1-0 wins for Rochford, West Brinemouth and Ritter Town - the latter two particularly impressive given the quality of the opposition, the former against a relegation rival in Vermillion Wanderers. Leichhardt are now winless in six, with just three goals to their name in that time, and the atmosphere’s starting to turn against Bruno Hawke once again despite far stronger results this season. Cranequin City showed they have more teeth in them than perhaps some suspect, going down by two early goals to Belgrave, but finding their way back through the nous of striker Gemmill and the force of will of Niko Rosmalen, both SPL veterans with high-level experience. Serpentine, for their part, destroy Crisisbless Athletic 3-0, showing poise and command of a game that ill-befits their weak squad. Is Gareth Penrooke a genius, is Oiji Nanemoru finally putting consistency into her game, or were free misfits like Delvalle, Harisis and Wheelock far stronger signings than anyone thought?

This is probably where it ends for Cypher. But Vardalos is unwilling to throw in the towel, and brings a full-strength side to Valanora (outside the injured, and badly-missed, Tripodi) - though one that has a more conservative bent, Madine and Roben in a double pivot, Cressida Voeller in front of them to provide the hard running that McCosgraigh doesn’t. And yet, Voeller winds up finding the net first in the 54th minute, lighting up a dire match to that point, finding Vanstrattan free down the left and playing a brilliant one-two with the 31-year old winger, freeing herself to whip a low strike across a sprawling Magda Kattner (formerly of Newrook) and into the bottom corner. Vardalos moves quickly; on comes Coretta Rooke for the target man Tihamer, moments after the big Pasargan nearly makes it 2-0 by crashing a header off the upright, and then Alexa Ferryman, to add some more drive to midfield with Roben slowing and on a yellow. But it backfires, or at least, Mar Sara’s superior quality tells - instead of Rooke’s pace driving holes in the Mar Sara defence, it’s the all-round forward Costa who plays provider, turning quickly and playing Ingvild Thorsen through the entire Cypher back four - and the winger doesn’t need to be asked twice, taking one touch to steady herself and driving the leveller past Ruo.

There’s huge waves at the top and bottom of the table. Crisisbless’ derby glory fades quickly, as they lack the intensity to break through a Cranequin Wanderers side playing with the deft class that Jens Reiniger always promised. Malia Yonen towers over Woakes, and dominates the show; relatively early goals from countrywoman Taani and deputising midfielder Lance Diebeck do the damage. If the Heelers are at least hoping for some relief from the east coast, they don’t get it - Brinemouth suffer their third defeat in four games as Sabrefell Athletic run the show, rightback Steve Fox with a beautiful dipping strike from the edge of the box to open proceedings before setting up Ens, whose elegant close control destroys Magnozzi’s career before a diffident little toe-poke between Bull’s feet. In the second half, Desya Kuznetsov thunders a shot against the crossbar that Iori Saitou, like any good striker, runs in to follow up, before collapsing ungainly onto the ball to chest it past Gautier, but a penalty from Coltrane restores Athletic’s deserved two-goal margin. The Moths also drop points in Vermillion, though Cheney Breremond utterly cleaning out Robert Griffin moments before Conte hacks the ball over the line unopposed should, you would have thought, have been a foul.

Stahlburg City’s Two True Outcomes come to a close, or perhaps just reach a new level; after six of their last seven matches ended 1-0 to one side or another, they manage a 1-1 draw. An impressive feat, away in Starling, their goal coming from the talismanic Aurelie Henry and their point maintained by the excellent flying stopper Orsay, formerly of Starling, and by goalkeeper Prant-Telew. Some doubted the Qusmi goalkeeper’s pedigree, but they’ve stood up to the task admirably, and the safety switch of veteran Nneoma Hasanu hasn’t had to be pressed. Chenoworth Rovers annihilate North Laithland 5-0, three of their goals scored by defenders - rightback Ender Fife with the first left-footed goal of her career, Mortola Teffeteller heading home two corners at the near post, with Farrakhan and Paterson finishing things off.

Anatoly Fenwick, manager of the Gulls, has burnished his and his club’s chances of survival through a string of three straight clean sheets. Better still, the last two have lead to wins over legitimate promotion contenders - first a 1-0 away win over a dour Leichhardt, now a 2-0 win over South Laithland through a sharply-taken Daskalakis brace, held onto despite Robin Seizter’s reckless late challenge reducing them to 10 men for the last 35 minutes. Morningstar seriously kick-start their survival hopes with a visit to Rochford, which Camberwell says grimly that they must “win or die”. Helpfully, 20-year old midfielder Varina Roebling, who has brightened up the midfield hugely since coming into favour under Camberwell, rifles home into the bottom corner just four minutes in, and goals from the similarly revitalised Kuijer and Draxler, before a finisher from Lilith Thornwood, who had been doing fairly well even before Camberwell’s arrival and is adapting steadily to the role as lone striker, underlines a massive 4-0 win. Similarly massive is Serpentine’s 4-2 win over Ritter Town, a relatively poor side going up in the world with morale seemingly sky-high, Ritter having the quality but just being too old, stolid, disjointed and low on confidence, though at least Naga’s still finding the net.

Vardalos breezily talks a good game between legs, resolutely denying that her substitutions lost Cypher their lead last time around. But Sebastian Seward, fellow Nepharim manager of Mar Sara, knows that his side needs to press, thanks to the away goals rule, and Cypher set up to strike back, with Rooke up front. It proves an apt choice - when a Mar Sara attack breaks down, Brind clears to Ferryman, who briskly takes it down, turns and smashes one over the top for the pacy Rooke to take around Kattner, then sidefoots into the empty net from the overly acute angle she’s left herself with. But Mar Sara’s own striker, Daniel Costa, isn’t about to be second-best - after forcing Ruo into a number of sprawling saves, he finally gets on the scoresheet in the 71st minute with a thunderous low strike that even Ruo can’t get to. It all comes down to penalties, in the end - and first Ruo saves Costa’s effort, then Kattner saves Ferryman’s. But then Rooke, Tripodi and Anderton all drive perfect penalties into the corners, while Ruo saves again from Holm, then Stromnes, to see Cypher through.

Boltcroft’s reward for their travails is to visit Brinemouth. The team makes a fine show of talking about how they’ll make a stand and go for the win, but talk about how they’re looking forward to the spectacle and to playing against world-class talent is rather more revealing. As a statement of intent, Brinemouth beat them 4-0 even with Desya Kuznetsov glowering from the stands. Treason make rather heavier weather of dealing with Peregrine, the resilience of Connor Risdon in goal much to be admired. With the fall of Starling, undone in extra time by a nerveless Michi Leonard penalty against the run of play, the Classic sides are the undoubted favourites of the quarterfinal field. For North Laithland, meanwhile, Ophelia Rattin appears to be staking a claim to the #1 jersey (metaphorically; literally, she’s stuck with 12 for the year) as the Spiders are yet to concede a goal. It takes them until 110 to score one past Crisisbless United, though, Luke Roberts using the last of his energy to slalom past two men and drive a strike past Schankelen before doubling over, panting for air. Cypher get a breather and put Rochford down 2-0 as Andrea Vardalos stubbornly continues to fight on three fronts, a Belgrave side inspired by their young fullbacks get the odd one of five goals to take out Chenoworth Rovers, Chatswood make short work of Diamondqueen as the electrifying pace of Conleth makes the difference and Ritter Town get their mind off their league troubles as 20-year old goalkeeper Alexandra Markgraf saves a penalty won just 87 seconds into the game, with Naga and Fenchel helping them to a 3-1 win over a Brookford Otters side that can’t mentally recover from that setback.

There’s intrigue… of a sort, in Chenoworth. Harriers winger Charybdis Kou had been the darling of certain devotees of WCC 82 as she held a certain unique utility in the game’s multiplayer, being the quickest, most nimble winger available in the ‘silver’ level. However, a modest midseason upgrade patch nudged the 24-year old’s rating from 74 to 75… and made her instead one of the weakest gold players available. She seems unperturbed by this, and sets up Marconi to score the game’s only goal against her hometown club, Newrook City. The same update demotes Corvette winger Sascha Dimitrius by five points, and the 33-year old winger - out of favour at present, despite electrifying last season under Strauss - reacts with a wave of emoji. The Maulers’ reluctant manager, Malta Falconer, is unapologetically going for youth, and former stalwarts like Dimitrius and Davison, and new hire Tsikitsiris, are being unsubtly transitioned out of the picture. “If we win half our games on the way down, but half our key players retire, we’ll go down again,” she bluntly tells a magazine interviewer. “This is about preparation.”

Just a day after that interview, a Dimitriusless Corvette are lightning-quick off the mark against Crisisbless, Seth Blunt driving home a half-volley at the far post three minutes in, then seemingly panic at the unfamiliar situation, ultimately losing 5-2. Athletic roll on in style, and are even quicker to take the lead against a sluggish Treason. Two and a half minutes in, Sipke Tarala’s clever flick provides a lovely gift for his partner in crime, Ens, who stabs slickly home. In the eighth minute, Ens… let’s say ‘draws a foul’ from Rian Corrello just inside the box, and in the ninth, Tarala hammers home the penalty. 2-0 it ends, with Athletic’s midfield keeping the Stags’ supply line at arm’s reach. Speaking of star strikers, Kuznetsov welcomes himself back from suspension in style, with a first-half hat-trick setting the tone against a North Sabrefell side that just has no answer to Brinemouth’s directness. The Smiths are evidently free from their low-scoring ways and lose 4-3 to Aries. The fans have no idea what to make of it, until Brujah clatters Riske to get himself sent off in the 74th minute, restoring a sense of normalcy to Ludd’s Hammer.

A training-ground brawl in Ritter Town, instigated by the mercurial Anna St. Preux, might just be the goalkeeper’s death knell at the club. Her erratic performances have cost them points aplenty, too. With 20-year old Markgraf’s recent Cup heroics fresh in the memory, it’s she that starts between the posts against Armstrong, and excels against a typically brutalist, direct Armstrong, proving a particular thorn in the side of Brogan Poppey. Naga slots home dutifully at the other end, her third goal in two games even as the rest of the team’s in freefall. Ritter’s rivals keep up, though - Morningstar beat Vermillion Wanderers 1-0, Peregrine beat Bishop away through the odd goal in five when Kaufmann glances home an injury-time header and Athletic, impressively, demolish Gonen’s Bridge 3-0. Belgrave show the Otters what an actual slick passing outfit looks like, and the contrast is clear in the technical areas, too - the exuberant, leaping Metzelder and the sober, bland Betancourt, who doesn’t even show emotion as the away fans call for her head as Belgrave force home a 3-0 win. Creed, weirdly, make heavy weather of hosting bottom club Rochford, though understandably a number of key players are rested - Trabelsi and Barbarouses are eventually thrown on from the bench to try and sneak a late winner, but it’s Justina Donau who gets it with a deflected half-volley.

Brinemouth get themselves into something of a jam, and then royally fuck themselves. 1-0 up with half an hour played, Giorgio Magnozzi turns towards goal and rolls an all-too-casual pass towards Bull, not seeing teenage prodigy Malenna von Kraus seaming towards, then past, him. Bull can’t quite get to it in time, but does rush out and clatter her, just outside the box… and that’s a red. Iona Britton stands strong, making a few crucial saves, but early in the second half, von Kraus sets up an unmarked Dupuis to slam home into the top corner from just outside the area. Another Brinemouth substitute, the midfielder Ilona Duerden, rifles one in from range to retake the lead, but a towering header from Nawaz levels the scores.

Cypher are in hot, hot form. Consecutive league 1-0 wins over Cranequin, Corvette and Chenoworth Rovers, the defeat of Mar Sara, and now, when Konstanze Luitgard drills home early on, elegant goals for Hertzka and Tihamer from well-taken set pieces seal the Eagles’ fourth straight win. Three over relegation rivals, if you feel charitable and want to count Corvette in that. Rehan Garrett’s excellent early-season form has eroded of late, and it’s seriously hurting the Woodsmen. Raven River aren’t doing too hot, either, and Starling are practically yawning as they ease past them to a 2-0 win. North Sabrefell are suddenly looking over their shoulders, too, but just as anxiety starts to set in after three straight defeats, Minka Kranevitter jinks past three men, then the keeper, to roll home an equaliser against Treason away. That’s just how the Bohemians go.

Last plays first, as the Rams make the trip up to Stahlburg, take a moment to laugh at the Moths - 67% possession, vast advantage in shot count, still losing 1-0 to the resolute Smiths - and stare down the ragged patchwork that is the Rovers. So many players were thought to be able to make the step up to this level - Bolander, Moxey, Lovelock - but really, only Skalak, Rosborough, Sharpe and the teenaged goalkeeper Carolan can really take any credit from this season. And Skalak’s injured. Sharpe actually gets the first goal, and the Moths youth was elated by it, but the rest of the team rather let them down, as five goals pour past Carolan at the other end. It’s not even the only occurence of the scoreline, as Brinemouth put Newrook decisively in their place. What exactly has gone wrong for the Rooks? One thing’s for certain, they need… they need… they need a lot to change. In recent years, they’ve bought a lot of old legs, and it’s fair to say a few are just cooked. A few, helpfully, are off contract. Some may need a shove.

Morena Camberwell has done wonders to shore Morningstar up and revitalise their fortunes - they’ve won three and drawn two of her five games in charge, keeping clean sheets in all three wins. But Creed, in a brilliant run of form under the implacable, stoic Diandra Ballard, rain on their parade. Trabelsi gets a brace en route to a 4-0 thumping, underlining the sturdy Audioslavian striker’s value to his club on his 27th birthday, as well as his own bid to be top scorer. It’s pretty much a straight race between him, Diamondqueen’s Claudia Escrow, and Parrhesia’s Ann Reus - on target just when Parrhesia need her most, as they dominate Cranequin City, throw a spanner into their title race and keep in it themselves. Brookford win 5-1 themselves, smashing a mediocre Goodfeather, their first win after a dry spell of four, and even then they manage to concede a goal of high farce as goalkeeper Philoctetes Giannou slices a clearance straight at Gabriel Prosper.

With Ryan Bull suspended, it falls upon Iona Britton to get the job done. Which she… does, proving the value in investing in an experienced backup goalkeeper. Royal Jam and Brinemouth roughly split the chances, but when Cindy Collingwood is caught just a little off her line, Evelyn Conjure snaps a shot over her for the crucial only goal.

Corvistone have been building towards… something, this season. But they aren’t quite there yet, not at the level the management and their three fans and pretty much nobody else thinks they belong. Even so, they demolish a cheerfully average Chenoworth Rovers side 6-0. Pangallo, Morham, Afolayan and Beretti weave through the Rovers’ excessively flat banks of four, and there’s only so much that a counter-strategy of ‘keep it tight and batter them’ can seem to accomplish. So, the result is rather predictable, though perhaps not the margin - for that, the dubious credit goes in large part to the Rovers’ two-man midfield, with Paterson injured, of 33-year old Svenskah and 35-year old Lozada. Managing to look even the Crows look fast (median age of starting XI: 30) is frankly impressive.

Things get worse still for the Rovers when the result filters in from Cranequin - the Wanderers have been slaughtered 4-0 by the Harriers, all four goals in the first half. The men in red show the Wanderers that a bit of urgency can go a long way in a fluid passing unit. Muscle can help, too, as North Sabrefell display by bullying the other Rovers 3-0. The message from either side is that you need to back up your smooth passing with physicality, one way or another, and defensive solidity, which the Wanderers have lacked for all their class. It’s a day for heavy clean sheet wins in general, as Brinemouth hammer Crisisbless United 4-0 away - they’ve scored 13 goals in their last three games. Fittingly, they host the Wanderers next; that won’t be pretty.

In a season with little to cheer about, seemingly doomed Rochford give a first senior start to perhaps the league’s most vowel-challenged player, the local winger Traudl Mrdja. Well… Mrdja winds up setting up Harriet Novac, Rochford’s miniscule and easily-mauled on-loan playmaker, to slot home the only goal of the game against Ritter. Morningstar are fuming after falling foul of terrible refereeing, Marko Bozanic patently cynically hacking down Rinehart outside the box. “What the fuck would the point be in a professional foul inside the box?” he asks the press plaintively. In any case, Bradden sweeps home the winning penalty.

Things get heated when the Rams come to Aries, the East Sabrefell derby. Unfortunately for the Chariots, there are few indications they’ll cut against the grain here. Twelve minutes in, a raking crossfield ball from Coltrane finds Gere in acres of space in the box, and the winger slams home the opener; five minutes later, Naumoff clatters Riske in a firm-but-sort-of-fair challenge, and the Chariots are too distracted with the call to focus on crowding out Coltrane, leaving him free to… pick out Gere in acres of space in the box, and she slams home the second. Mild-mannered goalkeeper Vance Commerford has some reason to be irked by all this, and when an away fan hurls a flare over the net his way, Commerford contemplates it for a moment, before picking it up and hurling it back into the away end. The resulting fights, and pitch invasion, nearly lead to the game being called off - but referee Martel Streiber reinforces his reputation by charging in the middle of it all, blowing his whistle to “deafen any cunt in my way” according to his match report, before sending Commerford off. It’s not the ideal circumstance for Marietta Briggs to make her Premiership debut, but to her credit, she stands up well to the task - Aries, up against it, only concede once more, and that to a late penalty. The Rams get their seventh win in a row, all but one by multiple goals.

Crisisbless make somewhat heavier weather of a visit to Vermillion, but showing their newfound resilience, claw their way back from a 2-0 deficit at the 25-minute mark to win 4-3, Airik Ruhl with a hat-trick. Chatswood break an eight-match winless run in the league - they last tasted victory, and Rehan Garrett last scored, 2-0 against Aries a while back. Garrett almost insolently flicks a shot underneath Corvistone ‘keeper Kovacic just after the hour to put the finishing touch on a disciplined defensive performance, one that also sees Baltasar Gensch - excelling in the Cup - make his first league appearance of the season. Gensch just turned 32 and his contract is due to expire in the off-season - this is set to be one hell of an Indian summer, as the Crows go from scoring six to failing to score at all. The Harriers’ hosting of the Maulers is the most mournful nothing game of the season, Tom Whittaker scoring late, leaping into the away end to gloat, picking up a second caution for his troubles, and being humbled when Fiona Norval’s diving header levels the scores in injury time.

The atmosphere is turning mutinous in Leichhardt, as what seemed like a fair and manageable charge for the top four has evaporated in the light of their toothlessness. Woodspur, Silkman and Auttenberg are the three key attackers, all with significant Premiership experience… all 33, and it shows as they just lack the dynamism to break down Rochford. Wynona Rampart and Harriet Novac, at least, have pace at the other end, and the latter sets up the former to drive home the only goal of the game in the 78th minute. Morningstar, meanwhile, pulverise Ritter Town 3-0 as young guns Thornwood and Roebling continue to be the highlights of a miserable season, though one showing real signs of recovery. The unstoppable Creed march on, in spite of everything. Unbelievably, Crisisbless Athletic have an injury-time opportunity to get three points from a visit to the league’s top team when Wright desperately clatters Tasha Kite… but Bradden’s cheeky attempt to sidefoot the ball down the middle is, uh, somewhat foiled when the nerveless Caldwick doesn’t dive either way, just glares judgementally at the playmaker for a good half-second before deigning to drop gratefully on the ball.

Starling roll up to Crisisbless, with the Heelers licking their lips in anticipation .Sabrefell Athletic have just lost their winning streak, finding no way past the staunch Bohemians defence and their sprightly young keeper, Paige Daunten, and so Crisisbless finally have the chance to gain some ground on them. But that requires landing a glove on Starling, first - and unhelpfully, Airik Ruhl has one of those days where his first touch is clankingly heavy. Keira Andisori, by contrast, is far more deft with the ball at her feet, and the first time she’s fed the ball by Padilla with the wind at her back and her face to goal, she eases past Molovi, surges towards the edge of the goal, waits until Na’Kefir shifts his weight towards the near post before dragging the ball across him - Bajnok desperately sprints across, slides in, but can only nudge the ball deeper into the net. Even when the Rams slip up, they advance. Treason roll over Cranequin and Brinemouth predictably stomp Corvette 5-1, even after resting Kuznetsov, Tidesson, Conjure, Close, Brymo- even after resting basically all their players for the Champions Cup tie to come. Zara Cormann has another promising start up front, marking it with a brace, while 19-year old midfielder Dimitri Keldoulis looks composed in his first senior start.

Corvistone play out a flashy 3-3 draw with Vermillion, a crowd-pleaser where both sides pretty much just let the others’ best players do what they want without interruption. Granted, that’s an exaggeration, but it does seem like Eduardo and Morham are pretty much just going trick-for-trick like a skills showcase. Neither actually gets on the scoresheet. It’s one of those games where the killer balls tend to catch the eye, not unremarkable finishes from hardened veteran strikers like Kvanderwyk and Conte. The Chenoworth derby is somewhat more balanced, and significantly more bloodthirsty. The Rovers take an early lead and then double their money through goals from strike partners in crime Patton and Murray, before the Harriers pull back a goal they barely deserve on the stroke of half-time, much disputed by the Rovers - two find themselves booked for dissent, as does manager Harper. There was a little too much spice on the raking cross-field ball from Stensholt to Kou, and, okay, she might have used her arm to control it. Okay, she did, before raking it back across the box for Crowther to drive home from the other wing. The repercussions wouldn’t end there. In the 56th minute, Ender Fife got her own back by kicking Kou in the face, while allegedly going for a header. Kou goes off, twitching, replaced gingerly by Coleman, with Crowther switching flanks; Fife goes off for nobody, with a red card. The Harriers ease onto the front foot, and Tom Whittaker misses a sitter, shortly before a heavy challenge sees Paterson sent off too for a second yellow - the first being that dissent. Against nine men, with a crowd that now seriously wants to murder referee Reeve Charlton… well, perhaps it’s not too surprising Charlton isn’t too sympathetic when Coleman draws what is probably a penalty in the dying minutes. Still, in injury time, after Chaeffer saves yet another strike, the Harriers get their point from a corner. They’re distinctly short-handed in markers, and find nobody to stop rightback Lionel Dalton forcing home a rebound at the far post.

It’s not a lot of fun being an Iron fan. A strike force considering of Ida Preussler and, occasionally, friends who can be deigned to help her, has failed to score in five straight games following an absolutely dire scoreless draw with Armstrong. Preussler scored 20 goals last season, but the 30-year old former Treason striker’s dropped to nine thus far this season - still respectable, but nobody else has picked up the slack, and the loss of midfield inspiration Annika Netzach to Starling has crippled the supply line. Compare and contrast with Vermillion Wanderers, who have had a great time attacking with pace and power, and a six-goal haul against Crisisbless Athletic their reward. Istria Saara, just 21, is already making a serious name for herself at the spearhead of the attack, while strike partner Valery Kovaleski is absolutely Premiership-ready. Goals from Wynona Rampart and Sarina Neville ensure a 2-1 win for Rochford away in South Laithland - are the east coast minnows somehow going to pull themselves out of trouble?

By the last 16 of the world’s premier club sporting competition, it’s largely down to the serious heavyweights. Is it any surprise to see the two Nepharim survivors draw Zozi and RCU? It’s typical of recent fortunes in the competition that these two clashes could easily pass for finals. Atypical of recent fortunes in the competition is the fact that Sabrefell Moths win, overcoming a half-time deficit earned through a typical Laborious Hawk Incident with blood, sweat, tears and a little favour from an intimidated referee. Should Tawny Shone have been on the pitch to feed Townsend the assist for the equaliser? No, not after a homicide attempt on Tar Hunor fifteen minutes earlier, but that’s just how it goes in Nephara. Storm Holsen’s no pushover, either - the man cut his teeth in Iron, for fuck’s sake - and sends Tahir Fejzuli limping off with a brutal reducer. A yellow card on these shores. But the fresh legs of Federico Serra are just the boost that the Moths needed, and a late surge towards goal winds up in a goalmouth scramble that Solara Vol, holding back the tide of defenders, just about manages to scuff home. Brinemouth, meanwhile, don’t take their opportunities against RCU, Kuznetsov aside when he slides in to hook home a cross from Deventer. But the Rockers get back into the game late on, Josie Webster finding Berdoon, by far the less exalted of their strikers compared to Warazil, but that doesn’t stop the Cosumarite bearing down on Bull before lofting the ball over the top for a late leveller.

Halholzer United... well, you know what you’re gonna get. They come to Treason, spoil, time-waste, kick and throw their weight around, and never put a foot wrong. A 0-0 draw is basically what they came for, and get. For Sabrefell Athletic, a disciplined away performance seems to be going the same way - until Tarala scores in injury time, but their hosts almost immediately equalise. Still, an away goal leaves them in a strong position.

For the Wanderers, the SBCC continues to be either the panacea to their domestic ills or an unwanted distraction. Reiniger’s taking it seriously, though, perhaps taking a leaf out of Cypher’s book, and a professional away performance - and a late thunderbastard from Shona Butcher - give them a decisive-looking lead.

Okay, Cypher have probably met their match. Nepharim tend to get a warm reception in Eura, and vice versa, but there was never going to be any pulling punches on the pitch. The Eagles’ lineup in the Olympic Stadium is unapologetically defensive, Ferryman, Madine and Roben hoping to choke down the midfield, Skapoulis - normally a fullback - at right midfielder. It might be a little overcautious. Still, it works in the first half, and Spartangrad seem to wear themselves out in a goalless first half, but Vardalos knows they can’t withstand much more of this. On comes Voeller at the interval to add some more drive to midfield, but Spartangrad step up the pressure, too. It finally tells, when Anton Roben gets his feet mixed up and clears a ball backwards, to substitute striker Ciro Oljer, who turns on a penny and fires home; Wceil and James Palmisano finish the job in the last 20 minutes, as Cypher collapse through mental and physical fatigue.

It must be a miracle. Stahlburg Rovers rise off the bottom of the table. Not many in the Cranequin camp seem to think there’s much trouble ahead, with Jens Reiniger openly welcoming the trip to the west as ‘a chance to turn around recent bad results’ - specifically, four straight defeats, albeit those including Treason, Brinemouth, and a tough trip to Coret. The match seems to edge their way early on, the lively, unpredictable Gisella Riaz deployed on the left, played into dangerous territory by Diebeck, jinking trickily inside Ninian Wernbloom (captain Skalak injured at a really bad time) and clumsily rapped on the shins, going down easily but fairly. Leonardo Ford slots home the penalty, and they have a lead inside five minutes. Then they… just kind of nod off for the rest of the first half. Even when Jantzer’s lack of pace is brutally shown up when Rosborough plays Sharpe in behind him, and the savvy striker sets up Radcliffe to score easily at the first post; even when a deflected thunderbolt from Carsley puts the Rovers in front, and even when Gabriel Sesay, nigh-unmarked from a corner, doubles their lead at the near post. Reiniger is reportedly fuming at half-time, and there’s a short-term reaction when Taani rises above both centre-halves and the relatively short Carolan to head home a cross from Polenz. It’s a very short-term reaction, judging by the fact that the Rovers restore their two-goal advantage two minutes later, Adele Rosborough not closed down outside the box and finding little trouble curling a strike past Sirleaf. The Wanderers, in their desperation, resort to 4-4-2 in the last few minutes, and Bruin Goodyouth does scrappily claw back just his second goal of the season off the bench, but it’s too late - in the Battle of the Synonyms, the Rovers have their win, the Wanderers are in trouble.

The Maulers’ reluctant manager, Malta Falconer, has unapologetically been going for youth in her tenure, and with Feldman recovering from injury and Lin far from impressive in recent performances, throws 18-year old goalkeeper Emilien Marisnick in front of AFC Treason. It’s just cruel, though the teenager does make a few decent saves, despite being understandably unwilling to even try and claim any crosses. Predictably, brawny strikers Fletcher and Boldfont get a goal each, with rightback Hasret Kaveci getting her first senior goal to bury Corvette at the foot of the table. Brinemouth destroy Chenoworth Rovers, a match centred around a single key imbalance. The Rovers’ senior leftbacks, Laslow and Curtis, are injured - instead, sluggish centre-half Yeri Ibex is put there, and Bryger Tidesson skins him inside and out to rack up two goals and two assists in a 4-1 win. Starling, for their part, punch Corvistone’s teeth in, hopefully removing their delusions of UICA grandeur for good. Andisori and Dostalok flare into full force with a brace apiece, Smordal’s barely challenged in goal.

Brookford are winless in four after dominating Armstrong away, but a sloppy defensive error from Ryghseter and the profligate finishing of the much-vaunted forwards Monroe, Mithradates and Petersen make it 1-1 by the final whistle. The Otters just… haven’t quite been up to it, the classy Monica Bairstow aside. Ritter’s come-from-behind win over Crisisbless Athletic is more crab syndrome than crab rave, a brutal tug-of-war in which Markgraf makes the difference with a number of scrambling saves - Premiership sides will be watching her with interest - while lowly Rochford and Peregrine take points off high-flying Cranequin and Parrhesia.

by **Nephara** » Thu Apr 25, 2019 1:50 am

Ohhh… ohh, that feels good. The Moths visit Zozi with blood on their minds, Sur Arora making it clear to the press that his side will go for it from the start. Is that playing into Zozi’s hands? It could be argued, but that’s not how it plays out, with impressive young Swansea Reach driving home the opener just three minutes in. Aedelbrandt and Vol make it 3-0 by half-time, and while Audbjornsson thrashes the best goal of the night over Griffin at a frightfully acute angle, a flying header from Vol - both physically and metaphorically immense during both legs - seals the smashing victory. Raynor City are favourites to seal the deal at home, especially after Linvoi Warazil finally makes his presence known eighteen minutes in. But in the second half, the Dockers eclipse the Rockers, that vaunted midfield of Conjure and Soederquist running the show, Desya Kuznetsov “hatting tricks” according to his own record, even though the second was clearly an own goal - evidently he intimidated the match report panel into giving it to him, with an outburst on twii.tur. Well, whether you feel it goes to Kuznetsov or the luckless da Silva, it secures a deeply impressive win.

Treason’s team selection is surprising against Halholzer United. A game where they need to win, Cheney Bittencourt leaves Fletcher (well, both Fletchers, technically) and Metzger on the bench, deploying in a 4-3-3 with Roddy Fraser the spearhead. “I needed a man who would make the most of the one chance he might get,” Bittencourt explains, and so it plays out, Fraser driving a half-chance into the net on the half-hour mark. It’s the only goal - really the only event of the game, and Treason are happy to sit on it. Sabrefell Athletic put in a disciplined, professional performance against X Island, with this season’s new stars Gere and Tarala getting the goals.

Cranequin hold out with grim determination in the first half, before getting some relief 50 minutes in when the towering defender Ciprian Jantzer heads home a corner. They’re more confident and assertive, and finish Cednia off with a hard drive from Leonardo Ford.

Spartangrad had no joy in Nephara against Brinemouth, but Cypher Town are no Brinemouth. Vardalos boldly opts for a nearly full-strength lineup yet again, but Lucan Palmisano hammers home what realistically clinches the game just eleven minutes in. From that point, Cypher need five, which they haven’t managed in a game all season, and the scoreline winds up mirroring the away leg. Still, Cypher have every reason to be proud of their run, but is Vardalos right to insist this fuelled, rather than compromised, their survival hopes?

Throughout this season, Athletic have more ticked along consistently than really let fly like last season’s Brinemouth, but they’ve built up a commanding five-point lead at the top, one they maintain by smashing Crisisbless United 4-0 away. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Chequers aren’t really minded to do their crosstown rivals any favours - the fans seem somewhat less than distraught, for certain - as the Heelers wrestle with Sabrefell Moths. They need to win to stay in the title race, but they edge out the brutal knife-fight with a good bit of the old Aidan Brosque steel still in them, but they get their goal through some slick Chris Maarsden interplay, started and decisively finished by the talismanic Woakes. Treason beat Chenoworth Rovers 2-0 to stay third. Brinemouth round out the top four, opening up a three-point gap from the Moths. Starling, meanwhile, maintain hold of sixth by brutalising Coret 3-0 away; for the Hawks in 7th, their theme this season has been failing to keep up with the genuine big guns, though still doing well enough against the dross to hopefully keep ahold of what hopefully stays a Globe Cup place. A late free-kick winner from Rain Delacruz sees Corvistone past Stahlburg City, and the Crows narrow the gap to nine points, but… it’s probably still enough for the Hawks, just as they’re now nine points from the top four. Oh, and just like they spent pretty much all of last season, the Chenoworth sides are glued to each other in midtable again. Split, yes, only by goal difference, after the recovering Harriers beat Vermillion.

Southfell United aren’t quite In The Relegation Picture as such, but they’re still relieved to win a dull affair against Cranequin is lightened only by a bolt from the blue, Erik Marlowe’s free kick finding the net with enough force that it breaks one of Kiva Sirleaf’s fingers. Kia Anders has been limping on throughout her tenure at River, but a third straight defeat, overall winless in nine, threatens to derail her - worse still, it comes at the hands of Cypher, a proper smash-and-grab 1-0 though Ruo never really gets threatened in goal, for all River dominate possession. Despite Cranequin’s sixth straight defeat, they actually rise into the playoff place when Chatswood are destroyed 6-0 by Brinemouth, losing their entire GD advantage. A gutter brawl at the bottom of the table sees Fiona Norval’s powerful header and Andrea Kurz’s genuine thunderbolt make the difference in the second half for Corvette, who beat Stahlburg Rovers 2-1 to immediately retake 23rd. The season has ceased to be about even the pretense of survival for either; now it’s about making sure they get above the record-low 21-point mark set by Extreme Hills, five years ago.

After a dire stalemate at South Laithland, Creed United lose some ground in the title race, Cranequin City gaining some ground by beating Morningstar… but they aren’t doing too badly. They still have a three-point lead at the top, the equal-best defence at the league and, of course, the small matter of a twenty-game unbeaten streak. Parrhesia thump Chardonnay Rangers 3-0, and all three are probably going up. Belgrave keep ahold of the playoff place, Meredith Sloan making the difference against Mantlegrove, but Diamondqueen, South Laithland, Hackett (yes, really, still) and Leichardt are all in the chase. Brookford… are not, hopelessly mired in midtable due to their porous defence.

Things are agonisingly tight at the bottom, with even Goodfeather FC in 12th just five points above the drop. Iron hover away from trouble despite it having been 11 games since they last scored multiple goals in a game, Serpentine even further above despite being terrible, but really, any of 13 teams could go down. Peregrine defender Providence Mensah is the unlikely hero against Serpentine, thrown forward late on as an emergency striker, and Brookes-Qureshi finds him open in a 90th minute counterattack, in enough space that even the burly centre-half can bash it past Wheelock for the winner. That lifts Peregrine out of the relegation zone and Morningstar back into it, the sides sandwiching Vermillion Wanderers, all on 38 points - all are leapfrogged by Ritter Town, who beat the Wanderers 1-0 in a desperate, physical game. West Brinemouth and Crisisbless Athletic lose to slip further adrift, while Rochford … well, they’re seven points adrift, with just 20 goals all season. But even they could perhaps lift themselves out of trouble; they haven’t lost in six. It looks like some new blood will replace them; Dartmouth Terriers have built up a commanding lead at the top, with prospective first-timers Alliance Barossia well in the fight to join them among more familiar names like Pillars, the Strongest, Locksley and Riverkey.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic       34  23   7   4  68  22  +46  76
  2 Crisisbless              34  21   8   5  70  40  +30  71
  3 AFC Treason              34  21   7   6  73  34  +39  70
  4 Brinemouth               34  21   5   8  87  37  +50  68
  5 Sabrefell Moths          34  19   8   7  67  33  +34  65
  6 Starling                 34  18   9   7  54  30  +24  63
  7 Coret Hawks              34  17   8   9  56  41  +15  59
  8 AFC Corvistone           34  14   8  12  55  50   +5  50
  9 North Laithland          34  12  12  10  44  52   -8  48
 10 Aries Chariots           34  11  14   9  51  42   +9  47
 11 Chenoworth Harriers      34  13   8  13  44  43   +1  47
 12 Chenoworth Rovers        34  13   8  13  43  49   -6  47
 13 Newrook City             34  11  11  12  45  43   +2  44
 14 Crisisbless United       34  12   8  14  53  69  -16  44
 15 Vermillion Rage          34  10  12  12  46  51   -5  42
 16 Stahlburg City           34  12   6  16  35  42   -7  42
 17 Southfell United         34   9  11  14  41  51  -10  38
 18 North Sabrefell          34   9  11  14  38  49  -11  38
 19 Cypher Town              34   9   8  17  27  41  -14  35
 20 Raven River              34   5  17  12  44  62  -18  32
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      34   6  11  17  41  65  -24  29
 22 Chatswood                34   6  11  17  38  63  -25  29
 23 Corvette Maulers         34   3   7  24  29  76  -47  16
 24 Stahlburg Rovers         34   4   3  27  33  97  -64  15

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Creed United              34  20  11   3  57  25  +32  71
  2 Cranequin City            34  20   8   6  49  31  +18  68
  3 Parrhesia United          34  19   6   9  66  41  +25  63
  4 Belgrave                  34  17   6  11  62  40  +22  57
  5 Diamondqueen              34  15  10   9  61  32  +29  55
  6 South Laithland           34  16   6  12  44  34  +10  54
  7 Hackett                   34  15   8  11  46  39   +7  53
  8 Leichhardt                34  14  10  10  38  25  +13  52
  9 Armstrong                 34  13  10  11  31  33   -2  49
 10 Brookford Otters          34  12  12  10  54  48   +6  48
 11 Bishop                    34  12  11  11  41  33   +8  47
 12 Goodfeather FC            34  11  10  13  40  43   -3  43
 13 AFC Serpentine            34  12   6  16  36  53  -17  42
 14 Mantlegrove               34  11   8  15  31  39   -8  41
 15 Iron City                 34   9  13  12  28  33   -5  40
 16 Gonen's Bridge            34  11   7  16  38  52  -14  40
 17 Chardonnay Rangers        34  10  10  14  40  59  -19  40
 18 Ritter Town               34  10   9  15  34  43   -9  39
 19 Vermillion Wanderers      34  10   8  16  35  42   -7  38
 20 Peregrine                 34  10   8  16  41  55  -14  38
 21 Morningstar               34  10   8  16  38  55  -17  38
 22 West Brinemouth           34   9   9  16  26  38  -12  36
 23 Crisisbless Athletic      34   8  10  16  41  56  -15  34
 24 Rochford                  34   7  10  17  20  48  -28  31

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Dartmouth Terriers           34  22   6   6  55  23  +32  72
  2 Pillars of Southfell         34  17  11   6  43  18  +25  62
  3 Alliance Barossia            34  17  11   6  52  29  +23  62
  4 The Strongest                34  18   7   9  87  56  +31  61
  5 Locksley                     34  17   9   8  57  49   +8  60
  6 Riverkey                     34  15  13   6  46  28  +18  58
  7 Coret Rovers                 34  16   6  12  52  55   -3  54
  8 AFC Shale                    34  14  11   9  33  22  +11  53
  9 Aries Solitaire              34  14   8  12  55  42  +13  50
 10 Extreme Hills                34  12  12  10  42  39   +3  48
 11 Barossia United              34  14   6  14  44  51   -7  48
 12 Southriver                   34  13   9  12  40  47   -7  48
 13 Corinthians No Longer        34  13   8  13  48  39   +9  47
 14 Stonegrave                   34  13   8  13  37  39   -2  47
 15 Greygate                     34  12   8  14  51  52   -1  44
 16 Falston United               34  11  10  13  46  48   -2  43
 17 Sheridan                     34  10  10  14  24  31   -7  40
 18 The Hanged Man               34   9   9  16  18  32  -14  36
 19 Ballardine FC                34   7  14  13  36  43   -7  35
 20 Boltcroft Thorns             34   7  12  15  35  53  -18  33
 21 Autumnstone                  34   7  11  16  40  66  -26  32
 22 East Laithland Harriers      34   8   3  23  30  56  -26  27
 23 West Hook                    34   5  11  18  30  49  -19  26
 24 Crossroads Town              34   5  11  18  34  68  -34  26

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar              34  25   5   4  70  28  +42  80
  2 Brokenarch             34  22   7   5  79  36  +43  73
  3 Brindleton             34  23   4   7  59  36  +23  73
  4 Lazuli Diamonds        34  21   8   5  87  41  +46  71
  5 Gosmouth Swans         34  22   5   7  52  32  +20  71
  6 Ox River United        34  18   8   8  48  26  +22  62
  7 Mapleford              34  18   6  10  57  41  +16  60
  8 Martella Jazz          34  17   6  11  63  55   +8  57
  9 South Parrhesia        34  14   7  13  58  48  +10  49
 10 Strephonage            34  13   9  12  49  37  +12  48
 11 Kensey Town            34  13   7  14  63  59   +4  46
 12 Rochford Pilgrims      34  12   7  15  41  60  -19  43
 13 Fully Sick XI          34  10  11  13  41  53  -12  41
 14 Sutcroft Athletic      34  10  11  13  38  51  -13  41
 15 Falston Town           34  12   4  18  52  61   -9  40
 16 Hartford Glade         34  11   7  16  41  52  -11  40
 17 Sirencall FC           34  10   8  16  45  63  -18  38
 18 Iron United            34  10   6  18  36  44   -8  36
 19 Brunyard FC            34  10   2  22  43  68  -25  32
 20 Sutcroft               34   7  10  17  37  50  -13  31
 21 Stamper Road           34   8   6  20  44  69  -25  30
 22 Long Lake              34   8   5  21  26  45  -19  29
 23 FC Seierstad           34   5  13  16  36  58  -22  28
 24 Rushe United           34   6   4  24  36  88  -52  22

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ingram Township         34  20   6   8  52  23  +29  66
  2 Riverkey Shells         34  18   7   9  57  35  +22  61
  3 Fischer                 34  17   7  10  65  39  +26  58
  4 Iberia Chenoworth       34  16   8  10  62  37  +25  56
  5 Ringway                 34  15  11   8  52  38  +14  56
  6 Chenoworth Teutons      34  17   5  12  42  47   -5  56
  7 Crownsend Journey       34  16   7  11  61  46  +15  55
  8 Lockheed Zenith         34  16   7  11  47  44   +3  55
  9 Stonesthrow Town        34  13  11  10  42  35   +7  50
 10 Courser                 34  12  10  12  41  41   +0  46
 11 Fenland Albion          34  11  12  11  28  31   -3  45
 12 Sleetwell Rangers       34  11  11  12  47  54   -7  44
 13 Grovebank               34  11  10  13  43  41   +2  43
 14 Harrington              34  11   9  14  47  50   -3  42
 15 Boleyn Town             34   9  13  12  32  32   +0  40
 16 AFC Feuerweiss          34  11   6  17  48  56   -8  39
 17 AFC Hellerine           34   9   8  17  45  70  -25  35
 18 Aspen Grove             34   6  13  15  39  54  -15  31
 19 Camwell Road            34   6  11  17  27  57  -30  29
 20 Swag Hill Rovers        34   6   6  22  39  86  -47  24

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Caldwick Strand           34  21   9   4  62  38  +24  72
  2 Downsparrow               34  19  10   5  60  32  +28  67
  3 Pravenna Saints           34  19   8   7  56  26  +30  65
  4 Bodkin Road               34  16   9   9  41  31  +10  57
  5 Cranequin Souths          34  14  10  10  53  42  +11  52
  6 Corvistone City           34  13  11  10  43  34   +9  50
  7 Gridlock                  34  14   7  13  34  28   +6  49
  8 Northside Eagles          34  12  11  11  57  48   +9  47
  9 Brookford Vantablack      34  11  13  10  44  42   +2  46
 10 Rookwall                  34  12   9  13  32  33   -1  45
 11 AFC Volksgarten           34  10  14  10  42  36   +6  44
 12 Constance Park            34   9  16   9  30  31   -1  43
 13 Twelvetrees               34   9  14  11  35  35   +0  41
 14 AFC Burchess              34  10   9  15  42  51   -9  39
 15 The Travellers FC         34   9  11  14  44  46   -2  38
 16 Blaze                     34   7  12  15  46  69  -23  33
 17 Markoni                   34   8   8  18  29  54  -25  32
 18 Brookway Town             34   7  10  17  29  47  -18  31
 19 South Brill               34   5  16  13  36  56  -20  31
 20 Corby Hubris              34   6  11  17  42  78  -36  29

by **Nephara** » Sat May 04, 2019 5:52 am

There’s a blindingly obvious candidate for neutrals to watch, and they’re rewarded; Brinemouth’s hosting Treason sees more goals than the other three games combined. River edge out Cypher with a Kesteren piledriver, and the two First Division teams both win. Belgrave are just that step faster than the Spiders, and overcome an early setback against the run of play with team goals finished by Sloan and Strand, while Chatswood are robbed by Ritter goalkeeper Markgraf - one Premiership teams are seriously looking at - and concede a late penalty to the winger Yew, slotted home calmly by former Newrook midfielder Fenchel. Brinemouth, though… well, both they and Treason will have questions about their defences, but neither can question their resilience. Three times, Treason punches through the Dockers’ defence; three times, Brinemouth strike back, and only a spectacular flying save from 36-year old Gideon Fletcher keeps Brinemouth from snatching it at the death.

Brinemouth do what they do. They’re less than gracious hosts to poor Tani, batting the ball around with a consummate ease and not really letting their opponents have any of it. In fact, they’re almost having so much fun they forget to win - still, Desya Kuznetsov is there to thrash a couple screamers into the corners, and when Tani start to pick up chances as the second half wears on, Ryan Bull’s equal to the challenge.

From their hated east coast rivals to a fiercely contested derby; the Stags sure know how to set the occasion. Then again, they can claim to be the fiercest rivals of no less than four Premiership clubs, so maybe that isn’t surprising. The surprising part is it winds up being another 3-3 draw, the vicious intensity of Leigh Fletcher’s Woodsmen throwing them off, as well as the opener coming just four minutes in when Chatswood’s first shot of the game, a free kick from Conleth, whips over the wall and just under the crossbar with violence. The referee is … permissive, and Chatswood don’t have anyone sent off, though they do pick up seven cards. Treason do pick up a red card, and there’s few who can argue with it as Konrad Vornander, frustrated with the grappling of Rehan Garrett, throws out an elbow at his face - with 50 minutes to play, Treason have to cling to a 2-1 lead. They can’t quite manage it, as uncharacteristically poor defending gives Garrett and Conleth openings to wrest back the lead for Chatswood, but in injury time, Accardi drives forward at Chatswood’s defence, jinks into the box, and Karling instinctively flicks out a boot to fell her. Referee Brom Anstead, recognising that if he doesn’t give this penalty, he isn’t leaving this stadium alive, duly points to the spot; even then, Jonsson duly shoots too close to Aleksovic, but the Cosumarite stopper can only parry it back into Jonsson’s path. At the second time of asking, Jonsson slots home the equaliser.

Treason aren’t quite alone at the top in failing to win, with the Moths cancelled out by Corvistone, but a scrappy late goal from the underrated Sinan Uzunlar, whose nous and finishing ability have come to Athletic’s rescue more than once, sees the Rams beat Cranequin, while Starling by contrast almost (but don’t quite!) choke on a 3-0 half-time lead against Chenoworth Rovers, the immensely promising Rashica Horvath attracting plenty of attention in orchestrating a near-comeback with two assists. Brinemouth, meanwhile, cruise to victory over Vermillion. Treason doesn’t have a monopoly on huge amounts of goals for the weekend, either, with North Sabrefell destroying Crisisbless United 5-0 - winger Fabrice Laramee quickly becoming the hipster’s choice for signing of the season - and Aries Chariots dumpstering a nine-man Newrook 5-1, with Andreu Bartolnicci also sent to the stands on a day where the Rooks just… implode. As commentator Lucia Pembroke observes, Bartolnicci would absolutely have been sacked by now had he not been responsible for Newrook’s rise in the first place… but then, can he really turn this around?

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 79, +47
2. Crisisbless - 74, +31
3. Brinemouth - 71, +53
4. Treason - 71, +39
--
5. Moths - 66, +34
6. Starling, 66, +25
7. Hawks - 62, +16

17. North Sabrefell - 41, -6
18. Southfell - 41, -8
19. Cypher - 38, -13
20. River - 32, -19
--
21. Chatswood - 30, -25
22. Cranequin, 29, -25
23. Corvette - 16, -45
24. Stahlburg Rovers - 16, -64

Belgrave have been very impressive so far, but their eccentric manager Adalheid Metzelder is quick to deny the first hint of accusation that her side has a glass jaw. “You’re letting yourselves be tricked by the image of us as these upper-class fancy dans who can’t look after ourselves,” she scoffs to the press, shortly before her side loses 4-1 to a Vermillion Wanderers outfit that plainly unsettles them with brute force and direct passing. Diamondqueen look like they never left the Premiership after a slick performance sees them down Parrhesia 3-1, the lethal attacking trident of incisive playmaker Bronson, brute Lyritzis and poacher Escrow each getting on the scoresheet, while fellow high-fliers Creed and Cranequin share the points in a tense scoreless draw, though what looks to be Cranequin’s winner courtesy of the substitute Kagioglou is waved off for a marginal, marginal offside in the build-up.

Cypher have proven themselves to be a serious tournament team this season, and it’s not too much of a surprise to see them dominate River in the first half, though wayward finishing means it fails to reflect on the scoreboard. But 51 minutes in, they get their breakthrough, slick interplay masterminded by Cressida Voeller and finished emphatically by Athana Finchcleft, and the floodgates open - Finchcleft’s cutback across the face of goal is tapped home by Rooke, before the substitute Alexa Ferryman drives home from just outside the box. River make things very interesting near the end, a glancing header from Merric Summers enough to get past Burgnich, who misses his chance to make a save on the day, but they can’t get the other goal they need. North Laithland cream Belgrave 3-0 in a game with even less intrigue, just the Spiders having that touch more class and pace than their second-tier guests. Ritter hold the line against Chatswood, but late on, terrible marking at a corner allows Darius Rashkin to power home a levelling header to force extra time. Chatswood strike first here, too, the otherwise exemplary goalkeeper Markgraf with a rare error, dithering and failing to come out for a cross that should’ve been hers and letting Abishai Vestal prod it home instead, and Kolinda Bischoff hits a post soon afterwards. But Ritter didn’t come all this way to fall now; the sleek striker Naga is the hero, firing home a brace from outside the box to edge the Stallions through.

Most eyes, though, are yet again on the Classic. And it’s. Well. It’s insane, is what it is. Brinemouth score first, just eight minutes in, and probably figure they’ve done well to get the Stags to come forward out of their shell. But they don’t reckon for the final product that the Stags have, and their drive to win, backed by a sell-out home crowd eager to see blood. It’s perhaps a glorious swansong for Roddy Fraser, now 35 and handed a starting berth by Bittencourt with Metzger nursing a knock from training; with three beautiful, instinctive finishes from the perfect place inside the box, he punctuates the match with Treason’s second, fourth and final of six goals, and departs in the 82nd minute to a standing ovation. Brinemouth get a consolation at the end, pouncing on some shambolic, complacent defending at the death, but still - Treason win by the eye-catching score of 9-5 on aggregate. Brinemouth shouldn’t feel too bad; no other team got more than four.

Somewhat demoralised, perhaps, Brinemouth almost throw the tie away, going down 2-0 in the opening half-hour. But then Magnozzi’s header off an impeccable Conjure free kick hands them a goal ludicrously against the run of play, allows them some breathing room, and takes them to half-time. In the second half, Brinemouth are much, much calmer, dominating the ball - though certainly not the play, to the extent Tani had in the first half - and Iori Saitou calms nerves by finishing off a slick team goal with a powerfully driven finish 76 minutes in.

The Coret Hawks are still eyeing the top four, but the next test is stiff as hell. So are some of the neutrals, by the end of it. But we’ll get to that. They host a Moths side with power to burn, and in a relatively un-congested time of the season. Coret, on the other hand… a fairly old side, less depth, somewhat more jaded. Though in this case it’s a young gun, Gerome Pollard, who makes the first error - Lockwood rolls him the ball and his first touch lamps it straight into Solara Vol, who nonchalantly takes it in her stride, runs past him and slots past Lockwood. Vol then knocks down a Townsend cross for Romero to stroke home, Naeher’s free kick is glanced home by the redeemed Pollard to pull one back for the Hawks before Townsend makes it 3-1. All within 30 minutes. Naeher, playing in a less familiar role in the centre of midfield due to a couple of injuries, then lays on another assist that Skapetis lashes home from the edge of the box in first-half injury-time; 3-2. And Coret complete the comeback on the hour mark, after a fairly placid start to the second half, when Skapetis is sent flying by a challenge from Vicelich just inside the box, letting the unlikely hero of the hour Raquel Naeher slide home the equalising penalty. And then the Moths promptly retake the lead through Valencia Ashburner and Jon Haines through flowing team goals down the flanks. Coret’s heads drop… and then they get a gift, when the normally rock-solid Robert Griffin comes out for a cross from Rasmus Caracole… and it slips through his fingers. Dragan Stavanger, with barely any time to react, manages to head the ball into the unguarded net, and in the 92nd minute, with the Hawks streaming forward, none other than Penumbra Amokachi gets on the end of a raking diagonal from fellow substitute Crowford, levelling the scores at 5-5 with her first and only touch of the game.

Elsewhere, Brinemouth edge out Starling 1-0, but Crisisbless and Treason miss out their chances to entrench their top four places; the latter are beaten 1-0 by North Laithland and their old midfielder, Irsa Croxteth, the latter seem to have things in the bag in Vermillion but slip to late goals from Heward and Breremond to drop two points. Brinemouth are, in fact, the only team in the top eight to actually win. It’s an even day at the bottom, too. A late surge from the Crows against Raven River manages to turn the tide from 3-1 down to 3-3, and they have a late penalty shout turned down, at that - captain Michi Leonard admitting “I’m deeply disappointed to be happy with the point here,” which makes a certain amount of sense in context. Cranequin Wanderers also share the points with North Sabrefell, while Cypher Town are unable to get out of the hole of Rowena Sierra’s brace against an energetic Aries side. Both Corvette and Stahlburg Rovers manage fine results - the Rovers edge out Chatswood through a spirited defence, wayward finishing from the Woodsmen, and a drilled finish from Corona Sharpe, while Corvette somehow stay in the game against Sabrefell Athletic. Goals from Uzunlar and Ceulemann seem to settle the game in the Rams’ favour by the half-hour mark, but they’re lazily caught on the break by a somewhat offside Karnezis on the stroke of half-time. Acatha Feldman keeps them in the game with a string of saves, before Gerwyn Clarke scores a very belated first goal of the season off the bench late on, fancying his chances from outside the box and firing it low past a blindsided Gautier.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 80, +47
2. Brinemouth - 74, +54
3. Crisisbless - 74, +30
4. Treason - 72, +39
--
5. Moths - 67, +34
6. Starling, 66, +24
7. Hawks - 63, +16

18. North Sabrefell - 42, -6
19. Cypher - 38, -14
20. River - 33, -19
--
21. Cranequin, 30, -25
22. Chatswood - 30, -26
23. Stahlburg Rovers - 19, -63
24. Corvette - 17, -45

Creed’s unbeaten streak grinds to a halt at 21. Which is, you know, still pretty good. Still basically half a season’s worth. Now people are talking about their three-game goalless streak, after Iron beat them 1-0 through Ida Preussler’s tidy half-volley - is the Oathmen’s powder drying up at the worst possible time? But then, Cranequin City also slip up, a scoreless draw at home against minnows Crisisbless Athletic, while Parrhesia lose 3-2 at home to Bishop because of course they do, Belgrave lose to Goodfeather and Diamondqueen to the unpredictable Serpentine.

Fixture congestion is really starting to get to clubs right about now, and it’s a godsend for both remaining Nepharim clubs that they can call upon strong reserves. Roddy Fraser is the obvious name, but despite completing a rare 90 minutes for Treason, he doesn’t get on the scoresheet in a disjointed performance; instead, it’s wingers Neptune and Ulreich who claw Treason’s way back into an anarchic match against the Black Hawks. An Ulsa side boasting Romikk Valgard, probably the best striker in the world, Adnan Szalai, the first ever Boldsport Galactico, and current Nephara winger Monako Saroszi, is a hell of an intimidating fixture… but Athletic handle it, somehow. Oscar Coltrane starts on the bench as Tom Benedict prudently aims to stifle, before coming off to whip in a lethal free kick arrowed home by centre-half Graciano Farina for a crucial away goal.

It’s a festival of football in Sabrefell, as all six of its Premiership sides (counting Southfell, as everyone not from Southfell does) play at home. In what is informally known as the Quebecois Result, they go 4-2-0; the giants beating the Chenoworth sides 2-0, Southfell scraping by Chatswood, North Sabrefell destroying Corvette, and Aries and River relatively letting the side down with nevertheless reasonably creditable draws. Starling host Treason and beat them at their own game, one for the purists, as the saying goes, turning on a spectacular double save from Smordal to deny Accardi and Metzger in quick succession, and then a brutally powerful finish from Keira Andisori beating the otherwise impeccable Clavel at his near post. With Crisisbless also dropping points, this throws the race for the top four wide open.

On the other hand, could this be the week that sets the relegation picture in stone? Cypher score early against Crisisbless and cling onto it like mildew; only late on, through Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic’s introduction off the bench and him, in turn, finding Airik Ruhl with a beautiful long ball over the top, do Crisisbless take a share of the points. They’re now nine points clear of the drop. River, meanwhile, hold on grimly to a scoreless draw with Coret, spared only by nine saves from the outstanding Althea Taliadoros. They have a four-point lead on Chatswood, who choke late against Southfell, and Cranequin Wanderers… who are pulverised 7-1 by Newrook. Their lack of physical intensity is unacceptable, they just lie down and let Newrook ram the ball down their throat time and again, goalkeeper Olivia Selkie not doing terribly much to stop this state of affairs.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 83, +49
2. Brinemouth - 77, +57
3. Crisisbless - 75, +30
4. Treason - 72, +38
--
5. Moths - 70, +36
6. Starling, 69, +25
7. Hawks - 64, +16

19. Cypher - 39, -14
20. River - 34, -19
--
21. Chatswood - 30, -27
22. Cranequin, 30, -31
23. Stahlburg Rovers - 19, -67
24. Corvette - 17, -48

Morningstar will be kicking themselves for throwing away the game against a Hackett side that played for an hour with 10 men, the talented but impetuous Varga Neury lashing out an elbow at Ryder in instinctive response to a raking challenge. Hackett respond by letting Morningstar have the ball, and the Stars don’t cope with it, failing to find the inspiration from open play, and getting gashed on the break by Felix Gallan before the half is up. As desperation set in late on, Gallan doubled his advantage, and a late Kuijer penalty wasn’t enough. Leichhardt against South Laithland has no right to be remotely watchable, and yet so it proves, with both sides’ technically adept veterans (Silkman and Woodspur for the hosts, Natasha for the visitors) shining. The Stargazers prevail, veteran striker Ingrid Auttenberg burnishing an all-too-anemic scoring record with her first hat-trick at the club.

Treason go full beast mode to overpower the Black Hawks and force their way through to the next round, Mikkel Jonsson again proving from midfield why he was picked up; the young playmaker could well become a legend here, and both starts and finishes the scoring in a game that Treason control. Athletic are in control, too, though in the sense that a lion tamer ever has an angry beast that could shred them at will under control; clean, conservative possession, unapologetic rotating fouls and sprawling saves from the giant Gautier all contribute, with an early goal from Orsolya Gere flicked over the head of Calixto settling nerves and, ultimately, the tie. The signs in the home end follow the theme of gleefully welcoming Ulsa manager Gerhard Thunder, a Moths legend, ‘back to Hell’. You’d better believe the fans enjoy today.

What’s going on in Crisisbless? Their title challenge has been melting. A side including so many high-profile stars hosts the Chariots, sluggishly meanders around the pitch and gets gashed repeatedly by the electrifying pace and energy of their guests, with Alexandra Lazarou particularly irresistable on the right flank; the former Belgrave winger gets a begrudging standing ovation from the home fans after probably ending Sieglinde Lohengrin’s career with the sheer whiplash induced by her clever movement. 3-0’s the final result, with Lazarou getting two goals and the remaining assist. Brinemouth annihilate the jaded-looking Moths 4-1, who try to be physical but just look clumsy. A frankly spectacular own goal from Joachim Elden, who manages a looping header over Griffin from outside the box, doesn’t help matters. Treason, meanwhile, stand up to Stahlburg City as the home fans expect, putting the Smiths ‘in their place’, as Treason captain Peter Svensson calls it. The Smiths get just 28% of the ball and manage no shots on target, with Angel Clavel making himself popular by yawning and miming falling asleep on his post. Aristide Metzger, a local lad, thoroughly enjoys his brace, ripping off his shirt for both goals and being thankful this league doesn’t penalise for that. He can’t resist twisting the knife post-match; “You know, those goals really spoke to the ten-year old fan in me. Mostly because it’s been that long since City were relevant…”

Chatswood put the pressure on their peers, holding the Rams to a 1-1 draw. With Sirleaf injured and Selkie dropped, Konrad Matheny steps between the posts for Cranequin Wanderers, having been given a chance to shine in the SBCC. 36-year old captain Ciprian Jantzer also lumbers back into the defence, as Reiniger continues to fumble around for a defensive partner for Stoeva. Still, it works here; Cranequin control the game against Crisisbless United, Gisella Riaz breaking free of a failed United counterattack, racing inside the disorganised defence, setting up a lovely one-two with Taani before rifling past Meixner. Riaz really has been the revelation of this season for the Wanderers. That gets them as far as the playoff place, at least. River lose ground, lacking any kind of inspiration against Chenoworth Harriers and broken at the last moment, Kou hoofing in a speculative cross chested down by Whittaker, who rides a shove from Kendrick and then the charge of Taliadoros before bundling the ball over the line. Stahlburg Rovers and Corvette get impressive 2-2 draws, but, uh, does it matter?

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 84, +49
2. Brinemouth - 80, +60
3. Treason - 75, +40
4. Crisisbless - 75, +27
--
5. Moths - 70, +33
6. Starling, 70, +25
7. Hawks - 65, +16

19. Cypher - 39, -16
20. River - 34, -20
--
21. Cranequin, 33, -30
22. Chatswood - 31, -27
23. Stahlburg Rovers - 20, -67
24. Corvette - 18, -48

Brookford have been all over the place this season, and it might wind up costing Andrea Betancourt’s job by the end of the season, but there’s little rancour in the home crowd when the dust settles on an 8-1 demolition of Crisisbless Athletic. Ursula Qatintiki is a good goalkeeper, with a penchant for coming out quickly off her line - it pretty much betrays her entirely here, as she gives away two penalties clumsily bringing down Otters in the area, and probably ought to have given away a third in injury time. To be fair, pretty much everyone plays terribly, and even goalscorer Simon Bradden gets sent off late on.

Sabrefell Athletic must feel like they’re living a charmed life. Not that their position at the pinnacle has been through anything but merit, of course, but their fans probably weren’t expecting to get home after a routine 3-1 win over Vermillion (impressive enough in its own right; Vermillion’s last two results were wins by four-goal margins, while Athletic have slipped to two draws against weak opposition) to find that Brinemouth were somehow held by struggling River, Treason got knocked down late in the second half by a brace from Solara Vol, and Crisisbless walked into the prone garden rake that is Hadrian Belfast’s annoyingly good Corvistone. That’s what’s really set the Rams apart this season; for all the talk about flashy attacking reinforcements, though of course Tarala and Gere have helped immensely, it’s been their resilience and consistency that have set them apart from the chasing pack.

There isn’t much fanfare for the Stahlburg derby, though the home crowd have plenty of messages gloating about the Rovers being terrible. Kresimir Brujah gets himself sent off, because of course he does, but the 10-man Smiths hold out to prevail anyway, winning 1-0 through a strike from the quietly outstanding Aurelie Henry. Aries demolish Cranequin mostly just by running really hard at them and watching their guests unravel. And, yeah, if Lazarou managed to destroy 103-cap former Nephara international Lohengrin, what do you imagine she does to Molly Killanen, 33-year old free transfer? Three goals and three assists in her last two games now in a breakthrough season for the former Belgrave winger. Chatswood really ought to capitalise, stifling a basically safe North Sabrefell, but Konstanze Luitgard’s late penalty is saved by the acrobatics of Paige Daunten to leave the scores deadlocked. Cypher’s hard-won point against Coret should be enough for them to stay up; six games to play, they’re seven points clear. Credit’s due to Freya McCosgraigh, the formerly flaky Schottic playmaker who Andrea Vardalos has surprisingly gotten the best out of this season - she chalks up both assists, picking the holes in the Hawks when they fail to mark her with the respect she now deserves.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 87, +51
2. Brinemouth - 81, +60
3. Treason - 75, +38
4. Crisisbless - 75, +26
--
5. Moths - 73, +35
6. Starling, 73, +26
7. Hawks - 66, +16

19. Cypher - 40, -16
20. River - 35, -20
--
21. Cranequin, 33, -33
22. Chatswood - 32, -27
23. Stahlburg Rovers - 20, -68
24. Corvette - 18, -49

You know, it really shouldn’t be a special thing, but Rochford have, for all their woes, managed to score in eleven straight games. That streak ends with a visit to Diamondqueen, but the sluggish play of their hosts and a string of good saves from Georgia Petrie ensures they at least take a point. South Laithland shithouse it up against Cranequin City, but it’s the class of Natasha that makes the difference, starting and decisively ending the game’s one real flowing attack to give a vital three points. As Parrhesia also stutter to a draw against a coalescing Goodfeather, Creed’s triumphant 4-0 thrashing of Peregrine underlines Diandra Ballard’s side’s title credentials. Morningstar get four goals of their own, Lilith Thornwood continuing to underline her credentials, putting an end to a bleak run of four defeats in five that threatened to keep them mired at the bottom, while Belgrave also put paid to abad run

Athletic’s sixteen-match unbeaten run crashes to a halt. Granted, Starling away was always going to be a tough ask, but perhaps for the first time all season a team manages to properly knock Athletic out of their stride, a reshuffle of formation overloading the midfield, the diligence of Aschenbach and Kymeri choking down midfield, Annika Netzach excelling out of position on the left, Liam Armstrong twice left alone in a free role down the right and twice lashing past Gautier from outside the box in the first half. The second’s barely kicked off before Netzach finds Dostalok - playing as a lone striker - whose first touch lets him elegantly glide past Campbell like he’s not even there before thumping the ball past a rushing Gautier. Athletic have the better of the second half, even as Benedict starts pulling off stars for rests, and they deserve to pull one back, as Gere does with her last touch of the game before Anja Ruthenbeck replaces her - the young homegrown backup goes on to hit a post late on. But the result stands at 3-1. Crisisbless ward off the competition with a useful 3-1 win of their own, over Coret, and Moira Woakes appears to have shaken off a hangover lasting a few games, chalking up a goal and assist. Brinemouth leave it late, but Jasmin Dragana’s wickedly dipping strike does see off a resilient North Laithland. Eventually.

Treason hammer River 3-0 in a match that’s routine for the Stags, but crushing for the Ferrymen - not least because a crunching challenge from Vornander lays out Jessika Donath, their top scorer, to end her season. In fact, three comes up rather a lot this matchday; Chatswood put three, unanswered, past a disjointed and frankly terrible Newrook, while Corvette and Cranequin split a 3-3 draw as Cranequin’s absolute inability to handle pace bites them yet again. Stahlburg Rovers are the biggest winners of all, however. Not for their season, just for their pride. They go toe-to-toe with an admittedly weakened Moths side, twice gaining the lead - Corona Sharpe doesn’t celebrate when she puts her hometown club one down, but Drusilla Moxey sure as hell does, running the length of the active support and kissing the badge fervently - and twice having it snatched away by the time the half’s over, the last a heart-stopping thunderbastard from Federico Serra. Remember him? But the Rovers don’t give up, and at the end it’s the much-maligned Tristan Lovelock who comes off the bench to save the day, elegantly angling a header beyond Griffin to snatch a breathtaking 3-2 win.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 87, +49
2. Brinemouth - 84, +61
3. Treason - 78, +41
4. Crisisbless - 78, +28
--
5. Starling, 76, +28
6. Moths - 73, +34
7. Hawks - 66, +14

19. Cypher - 40, -17
20. River - 35, -23
--
21. Chatswood - 35, -24
22. Cranequin, 34, -33
23. Stahlburg Rovers - 23, -67
24. Corvette - 19, -49

Maybe it was too early to say Belgrave and Morningstar were recovering; the former are beaten 1-0 by a typically direct Armstrong, the latter outplayed and beaten 2-0 by Diamondqueen. Rochford get another scoreless draw against Bishop; a good result, but they’re running out of time for that to be a good enough result. But it’s a disappointing weekend for a lot of people, especially people who aren’t goalkeepers, with eleven clean sheets in all. At least Serpentine and Goodfeather share a penchant for anarchy, with two own goals among the 3-2 Serpentine win, with Goodfeather’s Leitner having a penalty saved by Wheelock, then retaken for the former Brookford stopper leaping off her line… then saved again by Wheelock’s legs. Gonen’s Bridge snap a staggering fourteen-match winless streak thanks to a 1-0 win over Mantlegrove.

Well, the first legs make it pretty obvious which way this is going to go. As usual for the top clubs of both countries, their fixtures are somewhat incestuous; Nephara’s No. 1 plays for Holdenberg, Eura’s No. 1 for the Moths, among various others. As it stands, though, both goalkeepers give away penalties in the first half, both of which are scored. The difference is that Holdenberg comes out fighting in the second half, and the Moths, disappointingly, don’t - just looking jaded as Holdenberg keeps the ball to themselves, and really acts more like the home team. The eventual breakthrough comes from burly centre-half Oliver Murray heading in an impeccable corner, but it was deserved on the run of play. Brinemouth, meanwhile, host a Directus team that seems to have hired about half the Cormorants by this stage. Circe Rosenthal is one of them, and she lets the pressure of home get to her head, an awful sliding challenge on Evelyn Conjure earning a deserved straight red. The scores are level at that stage, the Dockers not quite able to make their dominance count, but without the energetic Rosenthal holding the midfield together, the gates fall in; Kuznetsov, Deventer, Conjure and Tidesson get the damage done, though complacent late marking from a free kick lets Kalinic sneak Estrella Hawke through the back line, and we all know how that ends.

Sabrefell Athletic visit Rozelle at a... politically charged time, shall we say, with anti-Nepharim sentiment running high in the massive shithole of Northern Esportiva that is Brenecia. They rise powerfully to the occasion, playing with a dominance more befitting the hosts, with Rozelle’s lack of physicality too easily unsettled by Athletic’s dynamic approach. The strike partners in crime, Tarala and Ens, get on the scoresheet, and Sinan Uzunlar comes off the bench to contribute an awful late challenge that hobbles Sofia Falcon. Which spices up the locals plenty, for sure. Uzunlar’s sent off for his troubles, but Athletic hold firm. Treason are less convincing against Kionao, but Mikkel Jonsson is like the only player of the 22 on the pitch to have any flashes of inspiration, and just one of them turns the game on the hour mark to give Treason a narrow advantage they more or less deserved.

Shona Butcher makes the difference for the Wanderers, not in terms of goals or assists, just of her drive and endeavour down the middle of the pitch. Even as heads are dropping around her, her performances have picked up markedly. Kudelka’s been sharp too, and gets a brace, but Itzi are never quite out of the fight, and a scrappy late goal off a corner is around what they deserve.

Things are coming down to the final stretch, and Brinemouth are now praying for Athletic to miss a beat. Their fans are starting to really pump up every team they’re facing as the clear banana skin for them; clearly, Stahlburg City will shithouse it up and ruin it for them, right? No, uh, Athletic slaughter them 3-0, and Brinemouth keep pace by slaughtering a hapless Cypher side 5-1. Treason are still nominally in the race, but they have to labour in the Laith over determined, embittered Spiders. With the scores deadlocked an hour in, the stage is set for a Roddy Fraser Impact Substitute Special, which of course doesn’t materialise, and he ends up missing a penalty; still, Raquel Accardi manages to force home an 82nd-minute winner. It’s almost certainly still not enough, they’re nine points out. Beneath them, Crisisbless, Starling and the Moths all fail to win; indeed, now it’s looking like the Moths’ CC qualification chances are more reliant on the CC itself.

With Stahlburg Rovers visiting, River absolutely, absolutely need to win. So do the Rovers, though their chances are… minute. The home fans want Kia Anders out of a job, but bluntly, with so few matches left, the bird has flown. Injuries have forced Anders’ hand to some extent, and teenage striker Ruby Gjasula makes her first start of the season alongside Breisgau. But they still have Franz Kesteren, a player who has made little secret of wanting to move abroad in the offseason while still in his prime, and with a crisp strike from outside the box in each half, he makes the difference for an otherwise sterile River. The Rovers take more shots, but Taliadoros scrambles to deny them time after time. Their pursuers keep pace, though; the Wanderers outplay Chenoworth Rovers and find the end product to win 3-1, towering Mriin midfielder Malia Yonen producing the kind of dominant performance she was bought to produce, while Rehan Garrett, uh, ‘goes down easily’ under an idle cuff from Crisisbless United defender Banerman to earn a late penalty during a set piece that otherwise goes nowhere, Luitgard lashes the penalty into the top corner, and the Woodsmen have a somewhat fortuitous point. Corvette Maulers not only stay in the fight with an absurd 4-1 win away over Aries, but ensure that they (as well as Stahlburg Rovers) won’t go down with the worst record in Premiership history.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 90, +52
2. Brinemouth - 87, +65
3. Treason - 81, +42
4. Crisisbless - 78, +27
--
5. Starling, 77, +28
6. Moths - 73, +32

19. Cypher - 40, -21
20. River - 38, -21
--
21. Cranequin, 37, -31
22. Chatswood - 36, -24
23. Stahlburg Rovers - 23, -69
24. Corvette - 22, -46

15 points left to play for.

It’s a funny thing about scorelines and goalkeepers. At 3-0 or 4-0, you’re starting to think the goalkeeper could’ve done a bit better; at 6- or 7-, they’re usually blameless. Thus it proves as Belgrave wipe the floor with Gonen’s Bridge, as Fyona Matthews does valiantly to keep the score to single digits with a string of acrobatic saves in the first half. But when Belgrave finally get their third, just before the hour mark, the floodgates open, and Bridge’s disorganised defence can scarcely handle marking a multiple-choice quiz, let alone Belgrave’s front line. It’s not the only domination of the week, either; Parrhesia thump Vermillion 4-0 in a feel-good derby win, while Bishop yet again show Morningstar how to consolidate after promotion, Ulrike Jensen leading the way to a decisive 3-0 win. Three genuine six-pointers end in tense 1-0 wins for Peregrine, Mantlegrove and West Brinemouth are the expense of Ritter, Rochford and Serpentine.

A Moths outfit in poor form need to display a “complete turnaround,” Sur Arora admits. But he has every faith it’s possible, and that faith is rewarded as early as the 12th minute, when after already forcing Swoboda into some sharp saves, Imriel Townsend bursts free down the right, cuts inside and drags it, agonisingly slowly, across Swoboda with her left. Then she sets up Fejzuli just outside the box with some clever interplay to prod holes in the Holdenberg defence, and the Mytenar shapes for the pass before driving inside for goal, sending the inexperienced de Aea stumbling in the wrong direction and leaving Swoboda exposed, before thrashing a shot past him. Holdenberg rally in the second half, and some individual brilliance from Lazar Eleonora sees him flick the ball over Vicelich’s head with his right, then smash the bouncing ball past Griffin with his left. But just four minutes later, a rather more pedestrian goal at the other end - a cross from Aedelbrandt, a knock-down by Vol, a finish from Romano, and the Moths have the advantage again. Holdenberg pull one back in injury time, Oskar Holsteiner left alone, wrong-footing Griffin and beating him at his near post, but during the inevitable skirmish to try and grab the ball back out of the net, the referee blows the final whistle and the Moths are through on away goals. Directus against Brinemouth is a duller affair, with Brinemouth demonstrating that they know how to manage a game. Directus are looking for 3-0, but it turns out that supplementing a steely midfield core of Soederquist and Conjure with the surprising choice of 20-year old Dimitri Keldoulis as a pure anchor makes it hard to play through you. Bryger Tidesson should actually bury the tie early on, but does all the hard work only to miss a sitter; Corinne Martel-Burns strikes in the 81st minute, but it’s not enough.

Like Athletic, the Saints are dominant away from home, driving the ball around with pace and verve. Unlike Athletic, they don’t make it count on the scoresheet - Crawford eventually sets up Ashbrown to rake across goal for Romanov to tap in, which summed up their overthought approach all game. Then Tarala punches in a header at the other end in the 41st minute, and suddenly that just seems to stall Rozelle in their tracks, kill off the tie and ease Athletic through. Cheney Bittencourt fumes and seethes in Turori. “That was the worst half-hour of my life,” he leads into his press conference, and curses pretty much every aspect of a wretched period of extra time… from a Treason perspective, anyway. The Stags totally lose their heads after a free kick bends into the top corner, and in the rush to get a goal back, get smacked down twice more on the break. Still - Athletic will at least have an opportunity to avenge them in the next round...

Itzi almost get an early break when Brenecian winger Tori Apcutt fires in what should be an easy enough shot, except that the inexperienced goalkeeper Matheny fumbles it, right into the path of Aaron Pizana. The striker shapes to shoot, and surely fires home… except that Matheny springs into action back across goal, and paws away the strike. Itzi go ahead anyway on the stroke of half-time, Ariztondo found by Apcutt to produce a bullet header, but in the second half, the Wanderers get back into the game, Lance Diebeck and Shona Butcher on the scoresheet. Vasya Kravec celebrates his return to his homeland late on with a second yellow card, but even with ten, the Wanderers hang onto their lead.

Two absolute key fixtures at the top. Brinemouth need to beat Crisisbless to stay in the fight, and they get the job done. Even fight on paper? No. Crisisbless have been in freefall, totally losing the plot of their title challenge, and it shows here, they’re just a step behind the movement and overwhelming confidence of the unstoppable Dockers. Kuznetsov’s opener is pure arrogance, taking a raking crossfield ball from Tidesson in stride and striking it with his first touch, arcing it into the top corner, Na’Kefir left shell-shocked. Just five minutes later, Ruhl gets and then squanders Crisisbless’ best chance of the game, played brilliantly through the high Brinemouth line by Lohengrin but chesting the ball down too heavily, then compounding it with a heavier touch off the boot, before awkwardly swiping the ball into the side netting. In first-half injury time, Kuznetsov stabs home a low diagonal cross from Brymora to finish it. Starling’s easy 3-0 win over Newrook means Crisisbless fall out of the top four together, and Brinemouth can look across to the former capital, hoping the Moths will do them a favour. God knows the men in green try their best, a full-strength lineup and a sellout crowd at the massive Farham, and they go hard into every tackle before the pantomime villain Tawny Shone sets up Imriel Townsend’s far post header to open the scores half an hour in. But Athletic are… something else, this season. Cool. Professional. They find a way out of a game that the Moths dominate, Galtier’s saves keeping them in the game, Steve Fox clearing a corner off the line in the 86th minute, and just two minutes later, Orsolya Gere takes a goal-kick on the chest, rounds Haines on the inside, beats Elden on the run through to goal and is utterly cleaned out by Cressida Gayle, an… enthusiastic local deputising for Hamilton (on maternity leave), just outside the box. She’s sent off, and Coltrane hammers the ball into the top corner. The Moths are out of substitutions, so the tiny Shone is reluctantly shuffled into the central defensive line - is it any wonder that Athletic go all-in on crosses for the rest of the game? And Tarala gets one, catching a Gere cross sweetly, sending it arrowing to the top corner… but, unbelievably, Robert Griffin balletically leaps up, flicks his wrist and flips the ball over the crossbar. This game was destined to be a draw, it seems. Brinemouth pull just a point behind, but the point keeps Athletic top.

Well, the Maulers nominally keep themselves in the fight with a late winner from Fiona Norval over Chenoworth Rovers, but results elsewhere go against them. They go down, as do the Rovers, beaten at home by North Laithland. Did either really add anything to the league by their presence? The Maulers couldn’t survive more time on the clock and the departure of Strauss, while the Rovers were doomed 32 games ago. River are destroyed 4-0 by Southfell, their personnel crisis getting worse when Michi Leonard gets sent off for a terrible challenge borne from frustration in the 74th minute. The key fixture, though, is Cranequin’s visit to Chatswood. It’s… exactly what you’d expect. The Woodsmen go full shithouse, nudging and kicking and lashing out, going ahead when Reis Caulker cuts inside Polenz, then goes straight for goal; Matheny’s caught between minds, dithers, and Caulker drives the ball between his feet. Ten minutes later, Serdjan Aleksovic is booked for time-wasting, which shows what kind of game it is, really, and the Wanderers are never allowed to find their rhythm or catch their breath. Four points now split 19th from 22nd, with a place and a half to avoid. River drop into the playoff place.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 91, +52
2. Brinemouth - 90, +67
3. Treason - 84, +43
4. Starling, 80, +31
--
5. Crisisbless - 78, +25
6. Moths - 74, +32

19. Cypher - 40, -22
20. Chatswood - 39, -23
--
21. River - 38, -25
22. Cranequin, 37, -32

12 points left to play for.

Serpentine have been, bluntly, a poor side full of weak players. Former Wofford manager Gareth Penrooke’s done an outstanding job to keep their heads above water thus far, but there’s just this sense, as they concede within three minutes to Parrhesia and their heads immediately drop, that they’re just a step too far, too jaded. Too… starting a pair of 34-year olds at fullback, thanks to an injury to Moran. The score ends 4-0, wingers Howlett and Barota having a field day. Cranequin City lose by the same scoreline - wait, what? Yeah, they just play like a terrible imitation of themselves, Brookford overpowering them, throwing them off their balance, Ulysses Mithradates leading the line like Ulysses Mithradates two years ago. City will hope that, should they clinch the promotion that by now looks overwhelmingly likely, their Premiership season doesn’t resemble more of the same. Gonen’s Bridge collapse again, losing 5-1 at home to Goodfeather FC. Memento North, as all the best (citation needed) managers do, blames the players for losing their nerve at the business end of the season. And, yeah, this time Fyona Matthews makes a terrible error for the first goal, fumbling a shot obligingly in the path of Gabriel Prosper.

by **Nephara** » Sat May 04, 2019 5:53 am

Sometimes, one result just really stands out. It’s not the fact that Cypher Town looked impressive early on against North Laithland, a fluky deflected strike from Tripodi a reflection of genuine superiority in the opening half-hour, but they run out of steam and it shows. Irsa Croxteth starts off the comeback almost as soon as the second half starts, and from there Cypher are clinging to life. They almost hold out, too, but there’s not quite enough left in the tank to mark North Laithland’s one real giant from a corner, and Christian Serjeant duly heads home. It’s not that result. It’s the fact that AFC Treason have the most Football Manager game of their season to date, dominating Ritter in every metric except the one that matters, Alexandra Markgraf and her personal force-field racking up eleven saves, and the lithe Daineri striker Naga scoring with her only shot.

From Hell’s heart do the damned stab at thee. Corvette and Stahlburg Rovers get over their relegation by playing with freedom, in games that seriously matter. The Rovers chalk up an early lead over Cypher Town, Dulcina Radcliffe with a deft flick to play in Rosborough to go around Ruo and roll into an empty net, and though Cypher strike back with a slightly fluky penalty soon afterwards (could Scarratt really have gotten her hand out of the way?), they lack the penetration from open play, and the Rovers strike abck with a penalty of their own. Corvette, meanwhile, dominate a Chatswood side en route to a 3-1 win - and the 1 only due to a comical deflection off the post, into Acatha Feldman’s face, and into the net. At least nobody really steals a march on them; Cranequin take an unexciting point, while River, whose fans expect them to put up a good fight against Sabrefell Athletic at home, get pummeled 4-0 while barely even troubling Gautier between the posts. Brinemouth match the Rams step for step, crushing Corvistone 4-1 away. Treason can’t keep up, as Crisisbless edge out a tense clash, Brigitte Coppinger beating three men before slamming the ball into the net, shortly before Clavel slammed into her, ending the winger’s season after she falls awkwardly. They’re officially out of the title race now, not that their chances were terribly realistic before that.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 94, +56
2. Brinemouth - 93, +70
3. Treason - 84, +42
4. Starling, 81, +31
--
5. Crisisbless - 81, +26
6. Moths - 77, +34

19. Cypher - 40, -23
20. Chatswood - 39, -25
--
21. River - 38, -29
22. Cranequin, 38, -32

9 points left to play for.

Cranequin City slip to a third winless game when uncharacteristically terrible marking at a free kick allows a Hackett side that barely had a sniff from open play to score first blood through Rose Benedict 71 minutes in. Niko Rosmalen smashes home a direct free kick with sheer force to at least give them a share of the points, but Creed extend their lead at the top by actually taking their chances, making the most of their sniffs at goal against a Mantlegrove side that stifles them well but can’t quite choke off the likes of Trabelsi and Conway, as the Oathmen win 3-2 in a match that’s less exciting than the scoreline implies. Gonen’s misery continues as they’re edged out 1-0 by West Brinemouth in a crunch fixture, and the away fans finally turn against Memento North, the hero who brought them promotion in the first place but just seems out of her depth at this level.

North Laithland are curiously bloodless in the home leg, while Cypher throw everything in the bid to defend their Cup, even as their league season collapses. The Spiders score in the first half through Roberts, Cypher claw one back against the run of play out of sheer desperation in the second as Tihamer absolutely hurls himself at a high ball from McCosgraigh to knock it forward to Sharpe, who controls a terrible first touch to stab it past Rattin. They can’t get the second they need, though. Ritter play with confidence and poise at home, unlike the sheer fluke of last match, and go toe-to-toe with the Stags. Rafaela Fenchel is the undoubted best player, and it’s her devious low free kick that squirrels under the wall and finally sneaks past Gideon Fletcher, who had to date proven the spoiler. Suddenly, Treason need two in half an hour - and unlike last time, they have the big guns on the pitch. Fletcher hits a post, Metzger has one called off for onside, then another for a foul in the build-up, and gets a caution for dissent in the aftermath. Ultimately, it’s Raquel Accardi who pulls one back, sprinting through a gap in the tiring back line and slotting through one-on-one with Markgraf, but somehow that isn’t enough. Ritter, battling relegation in the second tier, have made it to the final… ?

The battle of the AFCs… is the most cringey possible name for a match, and anyway, Treason win 3-1 without much fuss. Beyond that teenage Treason striker Felix Sebastian, handed his first ever league start, celebrates a first ever league goal! Interviewed by the press, he dedicates it in the aftermath to Maria Kovacic. Yes, the Corvistone keeper. But then it’s the least she deserves given that it was Kovacic who thumped a kick into Sebastian’s face, and the strapping blond recovered quickly to sprint to the rebound and roll it over the line. Crisisbless stagger to a scoreless draw with Stahlburg Rovers. What happened, Heelers? Athletic and Brinemouth are both poised at 1-0 at home over strong opponents, and then a sliding doors moment. Both sides have penalty shouts, as Gere and Matalin go down in the box, but only Gere’s is given. Coltrane delays a microsecond and sends Fairweather the wrong way; meanwhile, Coret level the scores against Brinemouth in injury time through Penumbra Amokachi. Does she celebrate against her hometown club that she might have just cost the title? Yeah, you know she does. Athletic’s lead stretches back out to three points.

Sebastian isn’t the only teenager on the agenda. With Chenoworth Rovers’ season long having been settled in lower midtable, Catheline Harper has been calling up plenty of young blood of late, and this sees a certain 17-year old Kendra Ramsey - granddaughter of Gethin, daughter of Triffid - take the bench in the inauspicious #52 kit. Even so, she gets a late cameo and looks lively in her eight minutes, though clearly lacks the physicality or nous to mix it with a vicious Chatswood side, just yet. The Woodsmen, for their part, take the only goal of the game from a characteristically opportunistic Luitgard finish. Beneath them, only River pick up any points, a central Sabrefell derby against North Laithland in pleasing near-black vs. white finishing 1-1. Michi Leonard has a penalty saved, but just three minutes later makes up for it by laying on the assist for Thea Longhurst to drive home the equaliser.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Athletic - 97, +58
2. Brinemouth - 94, +70
3. Treason - 87, +44
4. Starling, 84, +32
--
5. Crisisbless - 82, +26
6. Moths - 77, +33

19. Chatswood - 42, -24
20. Cypher - 40, -25
--
21. River - 39, -29
22. Cranequin, 38, -33

6 points left to play for.

Tension all across the league as final fates start to be locked down, and clubs clamber to avoid or embrace them. Some sides being on the beach for the season makes them easier prey; Parrhesia are locked into promotion, but haven’t won the title, and field a very young squad against Gonen’s Bridge. Their relegation contenders cry foul as Bridge outmuscle a young, fresh XI full of U23s, but it’s only through a brilliant late one-touch pass from Casey Steward that plays in Jacqui Milligan through the back line, and the former Project +90 winger scores just her third league goal of the season to break a 1-1 deadlock and arrest the Warriors’ free-fall. Rochford, whose fate is sealed by this stage, play a free, liberated game against a spiteful, bloody-minded West Brinemouth, fans cheerfully singing about how they’re going to ‘drag you down with us’, but a late scramble in the box allows striker Reinhard Geist to steal in and smash home an all-too-rare goal, giving the Gulls a lifeline.

Ohh, this is good news for the coefficient. Having both played Euran sides in the last round, the Moths and Brinemouth both wind up playing opponents a little closer to home this time… that is to say, one another. Based on league form, this is only going to go one way, but the sold-out Farham Arena has something to say about that. Mostly it’s insults about the prawn-sandwichy nature of their city. The Moths can get scrappy when they have to, and they do here with aplomb, Tawny Shone in full shithouse mode, and her midfield partner Tahir Fejzuli winds up getting the only goal of the game with a crisp, rifled finish from the corner of the box. Brinemouth’s Iori Saitou hits a post late on with a spectacular bicycle kick that leaves pretty much everyone on and off the pitch motionless, but the Moths deserve the lead.

Some days, you really can just rely on your star to dig you out of a bad situation. Kionao have already beaten the Stags; they aren’t about to be cowed by Nepharim physicality or reputation, or for that matter the reputation for physicality. Before they know it, the Rams are down 1-0 with an hour left in the game, and looking wild-eyed for an answer. Coltrane provides. Two free kicks into the top corners, easy as you like, give Athletic the confidence to see the game out in the second half, though they fail to extend their advantage and the tie remains tightly poised.

Cranequin maybe have bigger concerns back in the league, and a couple crucial players are resting. Even so, Bruin Goodyouth leads the line with pace and vigour, and leaps mightily to head home Loxton’s cross early on in a first half the Wanderers dominate. They run out of steam, though, and a desperate goalmouth scramble in the 81st minute leads to Konrad Matheny, under pressure, fumbling a low header into the net.

As time’s started to run out for Brinemouth to come back and win the league - the Dockers keep up the pace, easily beating the Harriers 2-0 away - there’s a certain pattern in their fans and those of the Moths, desperately talking up the powers of the sides in Athletic’s way. As some tell it, a Cypher Town side whose Cup dreams were dashed and survival hopes are in jeopardy will rock up to the Rams like the Biblical David with an RPG launcher. But actually a bad side in terrible form play like a bad side in terrible form, and Athletic sweep them aside 5-1. Starling similarly make short work of nearby Corvette to join Treason in completing the confirmed top four, with Crisisbless’ defeat leaving them on the outside looking in, and the Moths now completely dependent on Champions Cup victory to return to the tournament next season. The Hawks lock in their place in 7th with a hard-won victory over Treason, and that 7th place is by now mathematically confirmed to be relevant. Maybe they won’t crash immediately out of qualifying this time.

Chatswood’s third win in four sees them secure their safety for the season, and it’s not even close as they smash Aries 4-1 away from home. The Chariots are on the fucking beach, it’s fair to say, and offer little resistance as Chatswood scrap, hammer and bite away at the opposition. Cypher, winless in ten in the league, have sleepwalked into deep danger, but they’re relatively reprieved by the incompetence of those a point beneath them; River offer little as Newrook walk over them 2-0, while Cranequin lose a two-goal advantage on the interval to draw 2-2 against a spirited, spiteful Stahlburg City. Things remain tightly poised at the top and bottom going into the final day, and thank God for that.

Cranequin City‘s nerves don’t quite get the better of them, as Kosta Kolar’s stooping header five minutes in is the only goal of the game against an energetic Chardonnay… but later that night, Creed United come back from a 2-1 half-time deficit to beat Goodfeather with a brace from Anis Trabelsi, symbolising the grit and resilience that has defined Diandra Ballard’s side all season. And that result… seals them the title, with a game to spare. Who could say they don’t deserve it? Even so, the Terracotta Army has still sealed an unlikely and impressive promotion, as have Parrhesia who send out a youth side in a dead rubber against Rochford and win an electrifying 4-3 shootout. Diamondqueen have the opportunity to lock down the playoff place, but South Laithland leave themselves with a chance, hosting the Diamonds and bullying them on the dry Laith pitch, forcing two errors from a stressed defence both finished ruthlessly by Cass Lazaridis to win 3-1 and drag themselves within two points. Hackett, insanely, could have still been in contention, too - but they’re hammered 4-0 by the mercurial Brookford.

Serpentine and Gonen’s Bridge share the spoils in a game that might not have mattered… had West Brinemouth not luckily edged Morningstar 1-0 in a game they had no business taking the points from, their fifth-through-seventh from three games, and had Ritter Town not massacred Mantlegrove 5-0 - granted, the Dryads are on the beach as hell, having now lost four straight. As it stands, those four (not Mantlegrove) will be fighting over two relegation places on the final day. Crisisbless Athletic miss the chance to join the party, destroyed 5-1 by Belgrave, while a Rochford side now winless in seven had their fate sealed some time ago, though at least they score more goals here than they had in their last seven combined. The Strongest, Dartmouth Terriers, and Pillars of Southfell will replace them next season; probably to be joined by Alliance Barossia, though Riverkey still have a slim chance.

Back at the Brinemouth Eagles Club, the Dockers scramble from the get-go to overhaul their deficit, and it’s all hands on deck in defence - a crunching covering challenge from Solara Vol denies Tidesson a shot, and the away crowd love it. From there, it’s only right that Vol be first on the scoresheet, and the narrative provides, aided by a beautiful diagonal cross from Jon Haines. Nobody can touch Vol, and she duly heads home as Ryan Bull clatters against her. Late on in the half, though, Brinemouth level the scores, Bryger Tidesson chests down a quickly taken throw-in, uses the momentum to cut inside, rides a challenge from Haines and fires past Griffin, through his fingertips. The second half is a prettier affair, though no less incisive; this time, both goalkeepers step up to the task, Griffin proving a peerless shot-stopper time and time again, Bull quickly pouncing on any half-chance to stop it blossoming. The game ends 1-1, with the Moths just having that touch more poise all around the field, Brinemouth’s desperation showing in the closing moments, and a rare cryptid moment of Stig Soederquist losing his head sees him sent off in the 86th minute for a brutal high challenge on Fejzuli. The Moths are through to the final.

There’s some bad memories flaring up again with the scores poised at the end of the first half - people can’t help but think of how Kionao dealt with Treason, and this time they have an away goal advantage, too. But Sipke Tarala, adjacent to home soil, buries a header on the hour mark to give the Rams a precious away goal of their own, and while the Locals claw one back late on, Athletic hold on thanks to some sharp defensive work from all-action defender Campbell.

A fairly dull affair, but nobody can deny that Valencia are dominant against a distracted Cranequin. Matheny does all he can to keep the Wanderers in the game, but an unstoppable drive into the top corner on the hour mark leaves him stationary. Paul Leonhardsen comes off the bench to strike the post late on, but it would’ve been a lucky, lucky draw under the circumstances. The dream of an all-Nepharim Super Cup is dead.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic       45  30  10   5   94   32  +62 100
  2 Brinemouth               45  30   7   8  115   43  +72  97
  3 AFC Treason              45  26   9  10   89   46  +43  87
  4 Starling                 45  25  12   8   73   38  +35  87
  5 Crisisbless              45  24  10  11   78   53  +25  82
  6 Sabrefell Moths          45  23  11  11   87   52  +35  80
  7 Coret Hawks              45  20  14  11   74   60  +14  74
  8 AFC Corvistone           45  20  10  15   76   69   +7  70
  9 Aries Chariots           45  17  16  12   78   61  +17  67
 10 Southfell United         45  18  11  16   61   60   +1  65
 11 Newrook City             45  16  14  15   63   60   +3  62
 12 North Laithland          45  15  14  16   55   66  -11  59
 13 Chenoworth Harriers      45  16   9  20   54   61   -7  57
 14 Vermillion Rage          45  13  17  15   63   64   -1  56
 15 North Sabrefell          45  13  16  16   54   58   -4  55
 16 Crisisbless United       45  14  13  18   63   87  -24  55
 17 Stahlburg City           45  15   8  22   43   58  -15  53
 18 Chenoworth Rovers        45  13  11  21   50   67  -17  50
 19 Chatswood                45  10  15  20   54   75  -21  45
 20 Cypher Town              45  10  10  25   37   66  -29  40
 21 Raven River              45   6  21  18   51   82  -31  39
 22 Cranequin Wanderers      45   8  15  22   55   88  -33  39
 23 Corvette Maulers         45   6  11  28   50  100  -50  29
 24 Stahlburg Rovers         45   7   6  32   43  114  -71  27

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Creed United              45  26  13   6  77  36  +41  91
  2 Cranequin City            45  25  12   8  59  40  +19  87
  3 Parrhesia United          45  25   8  12  91  56  +35  83
  4 Diamondqueen              45  21  12  12  78  42  +36  75
  5 South Laithland           45  22   7  16  62  45  +17  73
  6 Belgrave                  45  21   8  16  86  58  +28  71
  7 Hackett                   45  20  10  15  58  55   +3  70
  8 Brookford Otters          45  18  15  12  82  57  +25  69
  9 Bishop                    45  18  15  12  56  40  +16  69
 10 Leichhardt                45  17  15  13  48  35  +13  66
 11 Armstrong                 45  17  13  15  41  43   -2  64
 12 Goodfeather FC            45  16  13  16  60  58   +2  61
 13 Iron City                 45  14  16  15  42  43   -1  58
 14 Vermillion Wanderers      45  14  11  20  49  57   -8  53
 15 Mantlegrove               45  14  11  20  42  57  -15  53
 16 Morningstar               45  15   8  22  49  66  -17  53
 17 Peregrine                 45  14  10  21  50  70  -20  52
 18 Chardonnay Rangers        45  13  13  19  51  72  -21  52
 19 AFC Serpentine            45  14   9  22  47  76  -29  51
 20 Gonen's Bridge            45  13  10  22  46  76  -30  49
 21 Ritter Town               45  12  12  21  46  61  -15  48
 22 West Brinemouth           45  12  12  21  32  49  -17  48
 23 Crisisbless Athletic      45  11  12  22  52  80  -28  45
 24 Rochford                  45   8  15  22  32  64  -32  39

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 The Strongest                45  26   8  11  104  66  +38  86
  2 Dartmouth Terriers           45  25  10  10   69  34  +35  85
  3 Pillars of Southfell         45  23  13   9   58  27  +31  82
  4 Alliance Barossia            45  22  13  10   60  36  +24  79
  5 Riverkey                     45  20  16   9   57  37  +20  76
  6 Coret Rovers                 45  22   9  14   69  64   +5  75
  7 Locksley                     45  21  10  14   71  65   +6  73
  8 AFC Shale                    45  19  14  12   45  32  +13  71
  9 Extreme Hills                45  19  13  13   64  57   +7  70
 10 Stonegrave                   45  19  11  15   53  47   +6  68
 11 Southriver                   45  18  10  17   58  63   -5  64
 12 Barossia United              45  18   9  18   62  65   -3  63
 13 Aries Solitaire              45  17  11  17   68  61   +7  62
 14 Greygate                     45  17  11  17   69  63   +6  62
 15 Corinthians No Longer        45  17   9  19   61  59   +2  60
 16 Sheridan                     45  15  13  17   33  38   -5  58
 17 Falston United               45  14  12  19   60  70  -10  54
 18 Ballardine FC                45  11  18  16   45  53   -8  51
 19 Boltcroft Thorns             45  12  13  20   51  73  -22  49
 20 The Hanged Man               45  11  13  21   27  43  -16  46
 21 Autumnstone                  45   8  16  21   50  82  -32  40
 22 East Laithland Harriers      45  12   3  30   45  78  -33  39
 23 West Hook                    45   7  13  25   44  70  -26  34
 24 Crossroads Town              45   7  12  26   46  86  -40  33

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Kommissar              45  31   9   5   91   41  +50  102
  2 Brokenarch             45  28  10   7  104   47  +57   94
  3 Gosmouth Swans         45  28   7  10   73   42  +31   91
  4 Lazuli Diamonds        45  26  10   9  102   55  +47   88
  5 Brindleton             45  27   6  12   69   50  +19   87
  6 Martella Jazz          45  22  11  12   81   69  +12   77
  7 Ox River United        45  21  11  13   58   39  +19   74
  8 Mapleford              45  20  11  14   68   54  +14   71
  9 Kensey Town            45  20  10  15   84   70  +14   70
 10 Falston Town           45  20   5  20   75   73   +2   65
 11 Strephonage            45  17  13  15   62   47  +15   64
 12 South Parrhesia        45  18   8  19   72   66   +6   62
 13 Rochford Pilgrims      45  16  12  17   63   74  -11   60
 14 Hartford Glade         45  16  11  18   60   71  -11   59
 15 Iron United            45  14   9  22   48   55   -7   51
 16 Sutcroft Athletic      45  12  14  19   51   72  -21   50
 17 Sirencall FC           45  12  13  20   60   83  -23   49
 18 Fully Sick XI          45  12  13  20   55   78  -23   49
 19 Sutcroft               45  12  11  22   53   64  -11   47
 20 Long Lake              45  13   6  26   34   55  -21   45
 21 FC Seierstad           45   9  16  20   51   70  -19   43
 22 Brunyard FC            45  12   4  29   52   83  -31   40
 23 Stamper Road           45  10   7  28   52   92  -40   37
 24 Rushe United           45   7   7  31   42  110  -68   28

by **Nephara** » Sun May 12, 2019 5:03 am

THIRD DIVISION FINALE
With Kommissar already having easily cantered to the league title, it’s fine that they sleepwalk to a 3-2 defeat at home against relatively poor Sirencall, and Brokenarch lose, too; Gosmouth, on the other hand, underline their promotion with a 6-0 thrashing of midtable Rochford Pilgrims. In Brokenarch’s case, though, it’s no dead rubber - their hotly-anticipated face-off against the Lazuli Diamonds, who are trying to keep ahold of fourth place, is between two sides who have scored over 100 goals this season. It doesn’t disappoint, and Brokenarch throw everything at their opponents… including the wayward challenge that gives Lazuli the late penalty that proves the odd goal in five in their favour. It’s immaterial anyway; Brindleton, who needed a win (a draw could’ve done it if Lazuli had lost by, like, thirty…) stutter to a draw with Strephonage. At the bottom, Brunyard, Stamper and Rushe are all relegated, though that doesn’t stop Brunyard winning anyway. Long Lake fail to add to their 34 goals of the season in a scoreless draw with Sutcroft Athletic, but Seierstad’s visit to the Hartford Glade ends in a narrow 1-0 defeat, skinned on the counter when they threw up 10 men - keeper included - for an injury-time corner when they needed to secure the win. Ingram Township, Riverkey Shells, Caldwick Strand and the dizzying yo-yo team of Downsparrow bounce up from the Conference. Pravenna Saints, conspicuously, do not, and an impatient NFA are rumoured to be on the verge of pulling the plug.

SECOND DIVISION FINALE
The relegation picture is locked into place; Autumnstone, East Laithland, West Hook and Crossroads Town are all set for the drop. Even then, the unsinkable Harriers have a surprise in store for the Strongest. The champions-in-waiting, on home soil, trophy on the sideline, against a confirmed relegated team… stumble to a 1-1 draw. Typical of the most even league across the Nepharim pyramid, really; the Third Division has sides verging on semi-pro status, the First Division has clubs with Premiership stature and experience, but the Second? Mostly just a mashup of forgettable. In any case, Dartmouth batter Southriver 4-1 to steal the title; they, the Strongest and Pillars of Southfell have their relegation confirmed, and by beating Sheridan 1-0, Alliance Barossia join them. Conspicuously nowhere near promotion are the hotly-tipped Corinthians No Longer, mired in the bottom half.

FIRST DIVISION FINALE
Key Promotion Fixtures
Diamondqueen vs. Cranequin City
Bishop vs. South Laithland
A draw for Diamondqueen will realistically secure the playoff place. South Laithland need to win.

Key Relegation Fixtures
Rochford vs. AFC Serpentine
Gonen's Bridge vs. Armstrong
Ritter Town vs. Belgrave
Creed United vs. West Brinemouth
Four teams fighting to avoid two relegation places. Three points clear, Serpentine are probably safe, but a point would ensure it. Gonen’s Bridge are a point above Ritter and West Brinemouth, but have by far the worst goal difference of the three.

Things kick off with a bang in Peregrine, just fourteen seconds into the game, Peck coughing up possession almost immediately to Ulysses Mithradates, who barged down the middle before playing in the electric pace of Monroe, who slotted past Risdon for Brookford’s opener. It’s a dead rubber, but remember this tie. South Laithland, meanwhile, are going for it - and going hard, taking shots and going for glory, but Stovar Krieven looks solid as ever in Bishop’s goal. There’s a reason he’s being linked heavily with Premiership teams. By contrast, Armstrong’s Constantine Yeoman goes for a high cross from Salthouse, and despite being a giant, misses it entirely; Jakob Spinnett stoops to head home at the far post and put the Warriors in front. But things are cagey pretty generally in the relegation picture, that fluke aside, and they all enter the half goalless - though tempers are decidedly fraying between Ritter and Belgrave, with studs raking all around. Diamondqueen, with all the ball but lacking drive, get sniped on the break in the dying stages of the half, a forceful half-volley from Kosta Kolar leaving Tristram with no chance. All the goals in the first half, it turns out, are in Peregrine and Chardonnay - the latter beating Iron 4-1, the former, already losing 7-0 to Brookford. Uh. Wait. What?

The second half starts, appropriately, with an angled header from Markus Kaufmann, then a brilliant free kick from Lorcan Peck. 7-2 in Peregrine, the home fans sarcastically declaring the comeback on. And then… then gates start falling in. South Laithland’s dominance finally reflects on the scoresheet, clever interplay leading to a curling strike from the veteran Natasha, Gonen’s Fyona Matthews uncharacteristically fumbles a low cutback from Cavazos into Brogan Poppey’s feet to thump home, and Ritter lose their heads, a brutal tackle from Reuser lucky to keep him on the pitch leading to a scuffle between pretty much everyone on the pitch, and not long afterwards a contentious handball from Lucex-Ilinx hands Belgrave a penalty that Emeraude Tanner confidently slots home. And there’s controversy in Rochford, too. Coraline Langbauer slips through the offside trap - or does she? She looks just a touch offside when she slides in a throughball from Nanemoru, but rightful or not, that’s probably ensured Serpentine’s safety. And that is… in the end, all the scoring done at the bottom. Yes, even West Brinemouth manage a scoreless draw against Creed that would normally secure their safety, but here, dooms them; and Ritter, unbelievably, are down just a week before they’re slated to contest Cup final. And at the top, there’s tension leading into the finale, but Bishop lack the incentive to push South Laithland back, and the Southrons punch through through Tanner and the substitute Barron, while Diamondqueen, after a full half of energetic and fruitless pressing, fail to mark a free kick properly to let Heinz Kreis casually nod home yet another injury-time goal, murdering Diamondqueen’s promotion hopes at the last. Brookford, meanwhile, won 9-3 at Peregrine, who perversely ‘won’ the second hald - all in all creating a record high scoreline - and Chardonnay a rather more routine 6-1 against Iron City. And Mantlegrove pummel Leichhardt 4-1, a result that might well seal Bruno Hawke’s fate. South Laithland are in the playoff, then, and Cup finalists Ritter and West Brinemouth join Crisisbless Athletic and Rochford in the drop.

PREMIERSHIP FINAL FIXTURES
Key Championship Fixtures
Sabrefell Athletic vs. Crisisbless
SFA (4-4-2): 1 - Gautier; 2 - Fox, 19 - Campbell, 13 - Sigismund, 3 - Jaentti; 21 - Bereveskos, 15 - Coltrane (c), 4 - Naumoff, 10 - Gere; 7 - Tarala, 9 - Ens
CRI (4-2-3-1): 1 - Na’Kefir; 2 - Longship, 13 - Gandhi, 4 - Bajnok, 3 - Lohengrin (c); 7 - Snowe, 6 - Bronte; 12 - Coppinger, 8 - Woakes, 10 - Staunton; 17 - Laiota

Brinemouth vs. Aries Chariots
BRI (4-4-2): 1 - Bull; 2 - Brymora, 6 - Magnozzi, 5 - Windtide, 3 - Close; 7 - Tidesson, 21 - Soederquist (c), 10 - Conjure, 13 - Deventer; 17 - Saitou, 4 - Kuznetsov
ARC (4-3-3): 20 - Briggs, 19 - Ashcroft, 5 - Tarrasch, 4 - Na’Duha, 22 - Burnside; 21 - Strausz, 8 - Tsiolkas, 40 - Tokich; 34 - Gutenberg, 17 - Chaplain, 10 - Ruskin

A point will be good enough for Athletic to secure the title; however, should they lose and Brinemouth win, the Dockers will be champions on goal difference. Athletic have a much tougher fixture, however, and the Chariots fanbase isn’t exactly going to be pleased if they wind up handing the title to their fiercest rivals...

Dead Rubbers
Vermillion Rage vs. Chatswood
VRR (4-3-3): 20 - Ramelow; 17 - Salek, 5 - Barksdale (c), 19 - Skondreas, 6 - Katarec; 14 - Fleetwood, 4 - Rauch, 21 - Eduardo; 15 - Breremond, 9 - Heward, 23 - Porter
CHT (4-4-2): 25 - Knasmuller; 23 - Sauber, 5 - Rashkin (c), 20 - Bishop, 3 - Karling; 13 - Conleth, 15 - Bischoff, 21 - Prentice, 11 - Caulker; 14 - Guilder, 17 - Garrett

AFC Treason vs. Chenoworth Harriers
TRE (4-4-2): 12 - Clavel; 24 - Kaveci, 5 - Svensson (c), 13 - Lockheed, 3 - Sandor; 7 - Accardi, 14 - Tallow, 10 - Jonsson, 16 - Keynes; 21 - Metzger, 33 - Sebastian
CHH (4-2-3-1): 1 - Patterson; 33 - Stride, 5 - Carroll (c), 6 - Braylock, 3 - Rouphos; 15 - Nagant, 21 - Charisteas; 23 - Coleman, 43 - Croll, 13 - Kou; 32 - Wright

Starling vs. Chenoworth Rovers
STA (4-3-1-2): 1 - Smordal; 2 - Asghar, 5 - Berg, 4 - Visser, 19 - Paterson; 11 - Armstrong (c), 8 - Aschenbach, 15 - Stroud; 22 - Netzach; 7 - Dostalok, 16 - Lovelace
CHR (4-4-2): 1 - Chaeffer; 13 - Fife, 3 - Teffeteller, 6 - Capradossi (c), 18 - Curtis; 42 - Koerner, 45 - Counsell, 8 - Horvath, 12 - Rowell; 9 - Patton, 17 - Murray

Stahlburg Rovers vs. Coret Hawks
SBR (4-4-2): 1 - Bolander; 2 - Skalak (c), 5 - Kresp-Cinic, 19 - Sesay, 41 - Mesorounis; 7 - Carsley, 23 - Cordwood, 8 - Rosborough, 11 - Moxey; 9 - Sharpe, 21 - Radcliffe
COH (4-4-2): 1 - Lockwood; 14 - Silversmith, 19 - Croft, 6 - Pollard, 18 - Burns; 7 - Skapetis, 8 - Stubbs, 4 - Bezemer (c), 32 - Caracole; 9 - Henderson, 15 - Stavanger

Stahlburg City vs. Corvette Maulers
SBC (4-1-4-1): 1 - Prant-Telew; 5 - Mifsud (c), 22 - Orsay, 19 - Hasek, 3 - Markkannen; 21 - Sefton; 7 - Kantaroff, 4 - Brujah, 10 - Henry, 23 - Voegel; 11 - Shi
CVM (4-3-3): 12 - Feldman; 19 - Auteberry, 5 - Durant, 3 - King, 6 - Seraph; 20 - Kurz, 44 - Brighton, 21 - Voleimann; 43 - Innes, 17 - Karnezis, 11 - Haines

Southfell United vs. AFC Corvistone
SFU (4-4-2): 1 - Aldous; 17 - Bowyer, 5 - Grant (c), 19 - Staniels, 3 - Evans; 7 - Marko, 8 - Hemeyer, 23 - Nagy, 11 - Fairfax; 21 - Michail, 10 - Gundersen
CVS (4-3-3): 30 - Coleman; 2 - Muhren, 5 - Heston, 4 - Brosch, 36 - Almwood; 21 - Delacruz, 8 - Eriksen, 11 - Morham (c); 7 - Afolayan, 9 - Kvanderwyk, 33 - Latimore

North Laithland vs. Newrook City
NLA (4-3-3): 20 - H. Varney; 23 - Schaefer, 5 - Traustram, 13 - Stoeger, 47 - Garnett; 42 - Brindell, 16 - Ettori, 21 - Beltrame; 15 - Hart, 14 - L. Varney; 11 - Han
NRC (4-3-1-2): 20 - Gilzean; 18 - Pakkanen, 22 - Reinhardt, 6 - Zagorec (c), 3 - Kohler; 12 - Brandtner, 23 - Fallon, 32 - Miller; 21 - Ocokoljic; 7 - Farrell, 11 - Nygard

The UICA situation is all locked in, and historically strong showings ensure that Nephara is set to reclaim top four status - which is good news for Coret, in seventh. North Laithland are resting all their best players for the Cup final.

Key Relegation Fixtures
North Sabrefell vs. Cypher Town
NSF (4-2-3-1): 1 - Daunten; 2 - Petrovic, 6 - Clinton (c), 13 - Armbruster, 3 - Karagounis; 7 - Roxel, 14 - Kastriot; 15 - Kranevitter, 21 - Montag, 10 - Laramee; 11 - Wolff
CYT (4-1-4-1): 1 - Ruo; 2 - Tristram, 4 - Hertzka, 6 - Brind, 3 - Anderton (c); 8 - Madine; 7 - Finchcleft, 15 - Voeller, 10 - McCosgraigh, 16 - Tripodi; 17 - Rooke

Raven River vs. Crisisbless United
RVR (4-3-2-1): 1 - Taliadoros; 2 - Villaverde, 19 - Lampshire, 5 - Black, 3 - Hateley; 21 - Leonard (c), 15 - Ruthers, 6 - Cardoso; 8 - Petkovic, 13 - Kesteren; 10 - Breisgau
CRU (4-2-3-1): 1 - Meixner; 17 - Bruun, 5 - Verlander, 19 - Stokes (c), 18 - Law; 8 - Garner, 11 - Solbachen; 7 - Rivers, 13 - Antelmi, 10 - Tamba; 9 - Carter

Sabrefell Moths vs. Cranequin Wanderers
SFM (4-4-2): 12 - Corridan; 23 - Grant, 18 - Gayle (c), 19 - Tipton, 42 - Muscadin; 13 - Bellinger, 15 - Sturrock, 26 - Reach, 46 - Cashin; 9 - Rohrabacher, 17 - Eisenhauer
CRW (4-2-3-1): 20 - Matheny; 17 - Polenz, 5 - Stoeva, 6 - Jantzer (c), 3 - Jaspen; 4 - Yonen, 21 - Butcher; 7 - Kudelka, 21 - Riaz, 16 - Loxton; 9 - Taani

Three teams, 1.5 places. Cypher Town have a point over the other two, who are separated by goal difference. None of their opponents have anything to play for; Cranequin’s opposition is obviously the hardest on paper, but they’re resting most of their key personnel in anticipation of the Champions Cup final.

And... KICK-OFF!
1 mins - Things are set to get spicy. The complaints on social media have already started about the Moths’ weakened squad selection - only Cressida Gayle has been a usual starter for them lately, and even then, only because of Brix Hamilton’s maternity leave.

2 mins - Brinemouth are going for it against a… let’s say permissive Chariots lineup. Just saying it’s a convenient time for the Chariots, hated rivals of the Rams, to be giving starts to two teenagers, and their backup goalkeeper. Still, they aren’t openly throwing the game. Some slick interplay leaves Tidesson free to surge into the box and take a snap-shot at the near post, but Briggs flicks out her legs to crisply make the save.

3 mins - A Raven River side that’s been going through strikers like Spinal Tap drummers is taking a rather more cautious approach - Kia Anders has opted to put Klaus Breisgau on his own up front. The former Crisisbless man is certainly a good hold-up player, but his finishing leaves something to be desired. Still, he gets the first shot on target of the game. Kesteren wrong-foots his marker, Garner, before freeing the fullback Villaverde to race down the right and swing in a high cross. Breisgau can only get a glancing header to it, and Meixner has little trouble catching it. Still, it’s a symbol of intent, at least… ?

4 mins - GOAL! SFM 1-0 CRW. Good work, Cranequin, you’re already down to a Moths side basically trying to throw the game. Shona Butcher carelessly loses possession to Adalmar Sturrock with a heavy touch, and Sturrock slides the ball down the wing to where Annika Cashin can start dashing down the wing, then cutting the ball across the face of goal. Sigrid Eisenhauer slides in and hooks the ball past Matheny, opening the scoring. Remember, the Wanderers absolutely need a result.

5 mins - Cranequin were patient with Jens Reiniger after a slow start to his reign, and this was meant to be the payoff - coming up prepared for the Premiership, ready to play the right way. It’s fair to say it absolutely hasn’t worked. He’s been too inflexible in tactics and personnel, and even if the Wanderers get out of this, it’s hard to see him surviving the year.

6 mins - GOAL! VRR 1-0 CHT. Chatswood are safe, and their lackadaisical defending reflects this - there’s no reason at all that Syrene Fleetwood should be left unmolested in space on the edge of the box, allowed to stabilise her position and sweep the ball beyond Gerik Knasmuller - making his league debut in goal - to open the scores. Leigh Fletcher’s predictably unhappy about it...

7 mins - Fletcher’s done well this season, though. Chatswood were tipped by most to lack the technique to stay up in a league that had seemingly passed them by, but a tough, physical throwback still has its merits, just as long as the players still believe and are kept in line.

8 mins - Brinemouth with another dangerous chance, and it’s unbelievable they aren’t ahead! Tidesson’s free down the right again and cuts across goal, Kuznetsov springs free and shoots… straight into Briggs, who makes herself as big as possible and manages to deflect it away with an elbow, before leaping gratefully onto the rebound.

9 mins - GOAL! STA 1-0 CHR. Well, that didn’t take long. With a green central midfield of Liza Counsell (making her starting debut) and Rashica Horvath, the Rovers have basically ceded the centre to Starling. Counsell’s caught out of position as slick interplay between Aschenbach, Armstrong and Netzach bypasses her and lets Netzach turn into space, set her sights on goal and blast past Chaeffer.

10 mins - It’s strange looking at these games relative to even a decade ago, or especially since Nephara’s beginnings in UICA. The league’s physical now, and faster than ever, but before it was rough and spiteful, with flair players hacked out of games entirely. Referees won’t stand for those excesses nowadays, though it’s still very much acknowledged as a contact sport and better for it. What do you think has changed the most?

11 mins - GOAL! NSF 1-0 CYT. Cypher’s malaise continues, and it’s hard not to look at the Eagles shambling about the pitch and think they’re utterly burned out by fixture pileup and the strain of defensive tactics. You can see it in the small things; Erika Wolff bursts free of the defence, latching onto a Kranevitter pass, forces a sharp save from Ruo which smacks against the post… and Cypher’s players just stop running. Kranevitter follows it in and sidefoots the ball into the empty net. The away fans just seem to sigh.

12 mins - GOAL! NLA 0-1 NRC. Newrook haven’t had much joy, but Jezdimir Ocokoljic is still the reigning Iron Fist. He threads a pass through North Laithland down to the right, and Farrell shapes to shoot from what becomes quite an acute angle… then has second thoughts, cuts back inside the scrambling Stoeger, then plays it back to Ocokoljic. The Mytenar strokes it low past Varney, who gets a hand to it, probably should keep it out, but doesn’t.

13 mins - That’d obviously be Holger Varney that Ocokoljic beat, by the way. And, yes, striker Lexander is his brother. It’s Holger’s first ever league appearance, while Lexander’s been trusted with more minutes this season and looked sharp enough. The fact that he’s starting today, though, indicates that Deborah Stokes - rumoured to be looking for a move abroad while she still has time - will make her likely swansong at the Cup final.

14 mins - “The quality’s changed most,” opines Daniel Clarke. Well, yeah, obviously. Clarke continues; “But more than just that every player’s better, it’s that there’s a lot more quality to go around. Instead of a couple stars on each team (who are only probably First Division level these days) and a bunch of dross, now these teams even have strong benches. Even Cypher have a Pasargan international striker in reserve!”

15 mins - GOAL! STA 2-0 CHR. Catheline Harper’s talked a lot about there being no pressure on her young guns, but she explodes at them, justifiably, when her charges fail to track the giant Alcander Visser at a free kick, who Armstrong duly finds, and who in turn duly thumps a header past an exasperated Janneke Chaeffer.

16 mins - Sabrefell Athletic against Crisisbless has been a quiet affair so far. Tense. A draw’s enough for Athletic and they know it. Crisisbless, well… a few months ago they were probably thinking this fixture could see them snatch away the title. Now they’re locked out of the CC places. Neither goalkeeper’s been seriously tested yet.

17 mins - “The thing that’s changed most is your cozy best mate Daniel Canady wouldn’t be able to cut it anymore because he expertly combined the hold-up play of a ferret with the clever movement of a snail,” declares Karena Hoellerer. To which this blog replies; sh- shut up. Idiot.

18 mins - GOAL! NLA 1-1 NRC. North Laithland have dominated since going behind, and when concerted pressure only leads to a weak punch out from Rook Gilzean, young Spiders midfielder Nicola Brindell tries her luck. Perica Zagorec helpfully sticks out a boot, and is at first relieved to see the ball clank off the post, before Erinys Hart chases it in and hooks the rebound home.

19 mins - PENALTY FOR CORET! Ugh, that marking’s just naive from Mesorounis. Atalanta Skapetis skins him and then steadies herself, practically inviting him to go in hard to try and cover, and the young leftback obligingly hauls her down on the edge of the box.

20 mins - GOAL! SBR 0-1 COH. Despite the best efforts of a … sizable local to try and unsteady Dragan Stavanger, lifting up her shirt and war-dancing up and down the stands, the steely-eyed former Nephara international hammers it past Bolander. The goalkeeper got fingers to it, but the power left him with no chance.

21 mins - Nervous moment for River! A long ball over the top from Antelmi, bouncing awkwardly between the burly centre-halves, and Tanith Carter races onto the end to hook it towards goal! Althea Taliadoros leaps mightily to tip it onto the bar… and only the pace of Carin Black to get back in time stops Carter from recovering for a tap-in. The 21-year old homegrown striker’s pace has been a real issue all game for River.

22 mins - Coret have another penalty shout in quick succession, but this one’s less… convincing. Skapetis very clearly leaves a foot to trail for Mesorounis to clip, and more or less hurdles his knee to go down in the box. The referee’s unimpressed.

23 mins - Barak Pearlman notes; “What haven’t yet improved are the stadiums. They’re still prehistoric, and some of them are downright deathtraps. Thankfully there’s enough money in the game now that teams are starting to look to upgrade on their pre-UICA brutalist hellholes.” I’d say that being a brutalist hellhole is extremely on-brand for the western teams, Barak.

24 mins - Ohh, that looks bad. Adalmar Sturrock and Malia Yonen go up to contest the same header. Sturrock doesn’t get back up. Not through any fair play from Yonen, just the bad luck of falling poorly, his ankle buckling under him. Safety first. He’s able to limp off, replaced by another child in Bryger Kellard, son of World Cup winner Michael Kellard. And that should go some way to illustrate why Sur Arora isn’t risking his best in a dead runner, leaving aside the issue of a much-needed rest...

25 mins - GOAL! BRI 1-0 ARC. No sign of a throw here, that was pure brilliance from the rather more famous Bryger of the league, Tidesson. With the first touch on a ball moving quickly he flicks the ball beyond Oskar Burnside, races past him, then inside him, cuts further and further inside until he’s practically being chased onto the left wing before opening up to drill a shot between Briggs’ feet.

26 mins - The Aries fans in the away end unfurl a banner sarcastically reading “OHHH NOOO”.

27 mins - Sabrefell Athletic have the ball in the net! But, yeah, the format has already tipped you off; Sipke Tarala was well offside when Bereveskos, cutting inside and putting a ball through the defence just a second too late, found him - he knew it, but blasted it home in hope anyway.

28 mins - “Fewer Hellenics?” hazards Ulla Roland. “Nowadays it’s souvlaki as far as the eye can see; times were dark, back then.” You know, it really was a big deal when Catheline Stockinger turned out to be the first Hellenic in the national team. Especially when it turned out she was massively racist against Hellenics. Ahhh, Stocki. What a character she was.

29 mins - GOAL! RVR 1-0 CRU. That’s… very much against the run of play! Konrad Evans has said resolutely that his United side with nothing to play for ‘owe it to the other relegation battlers’ to go in with a full team, but this looks in particular very much like a throw from Kari Bruun and Reinhard Meixner, as the former’s backpass to the latter trickles feebly across, and the latter rushes out to try and get it. Unfortunately, goalkeepers don’t tend to sprint that fast, and even the prosaic Klaus Breisgau is able to get in there ahead of him, settle himself and cut the ball across to where Zivka Petkovic is waiting to sidefoot home just her third league goal of the season… but what timing!

30 mins - Crisisbless, all according to the form guide, haven’t been crash-hot themselves. Chris Maarsden has rolled the dice on a lot of personnel, and it’s not going to be too surprising if he’s given free rein in the transfer window. The fans are on his side, given he managed to keep up in the title race for most of the season, despite the late collapse. In any case, they’re looking solid, if inferior, relative to Athletic.

31 mins - GOAL! SBR 0-2 COH. Dragan Stavanger gets his second of the night, a routine but exceptional header from a routine but exceptional cross from Rasmus Caracole, Coret’s lively young winger. Again Bolander gets fingers to it; again, not enough.

32 mins - Stahlburg Rovers have improved markedly under Reinhard Drake, and especially in recent form… but this match is threatening to turn into a rugby scoreline. Or at least an ice hockey one. Stefan Bolander springs to tip away a powerful strike from the dangerous winger Skapetis.

33 mins - Crisisbless hit a post! But it should really have been more - a clever bit of interplay, Snowe to Woakes to Staunton, then across for Kurtis Laiota to chest down… it doesn’t quite fall right for the pugnacious striker, but he gets off a powerful shot anyway, a little too close to Gautier, who tips it onto the upright. Campbell clears. Would the suspended Airik Ruhl have buried that?

34 mins - GOAL! TRE 1-0 CHH. It’s been coming. The Harriers have most of the possession, but absolutely no penetration. Felix Sebastian finds the latter, with a thumping downward header that Patterson scrambles to save… but only as far as Aristide Metzger, who taps home.

35 mins - Aries almost equalise! An arrowed pass from Harper Ashcroft finds Isabella Chaplain, whose heavy touch takes her away from goal, so she rolls it on the run to Tokich, who fires low and hard! The shot skims against the outside of the upright, with Bull not quite having it covered. So close to the young midfielder’s first senior goal.

36 mins - Kurtis Laiota has his first caution of the day. That’s the difference between him and Ruhl - Ruhl gets them for dissent, Laiota for dragging himself over Naumoff to win a header… by a handful of her hair.

37 mins - GOAL! SFU 0-1 CVS. A Southfell counter breaks down, the Crows capitalise; Almwood releases Sonya Latimore, who sprints down the flank before cutting the ball across the face of goal… Kvanderwyk slides in and, somehow, misses! It gets caught under her legs and bounces underneath her. Just, only as far as Afolayan, who slides it home at the far post.

38 mins - Southfell almost get level, almost immediately - seventeen passes from the kickoff without so much as a Corvistone touch, culminating in Bowyer finding Marko unmarked in the box, and the Pasargan.. shooting just too close to Bailey Coleman, the young Corvistone goalkeeper palming it away with both gloves.

39 mins - GOAL! VRR 2-0 CHT. Chatswood caught napping from a quick free kick, chipped over the top by the outstanding Syrene Fleetwood, Danica Heward stooping to head past the hopelessly exposed Gerik Knasmuller.

40 mins - Stahlburg City against Corvette Maulers has been a pretty terrible game so far, but Aurelie Henry forces a … novel save from Acatha Feldman, twisting to get off a shot at goal from close range that winds up hammering the luckless goalkeeper in the face. Feldman’s now streaming blood, and trying to convince the referee she can play on while a physio dabs at her. This is probably some kind of metaphor for Corvette’s season.

41 mins - GOAL! BRI 2-0 ARC. That’ll steady the nerves. It’s a simple goal in the event, Aries overcommitting forward and being undone by a slack pass from Tokich, cleared upfield by Soederquist. Saitou chests it down, swivels quickly and rolls it almost casually into the path of the rampaging Desya Kuznetsov, who bulldozes through Tarrasch and Na’Duha before slotting with unusual calm past Briggs.

42 mins - GOAL! STA 2-1 CHR. Really, Starling, that’s just complacent. The Rovers score with their first real chance of the half, Horvath finding Anselm Koerner’s run down the right, the teenage winger driving in a cross that curls unpredictably but unerringly into Nya Murray’s path, the Eastfielder elegantly heading past Smordal.

43 mins - It’s not Acatha Feldman’s day. She tries to get on the end of a corner from Kantaroff, slams straight into Isabella Shi and collapses into a heap. On comes Michael Lin.

44 mins - GOAL! VRR 3-0 CHT. Are we sure Chatswood aren’t one of the relegated teams? And if so, are we sure it’s too late to drop them anyway? The burly Gerik Knasmuller - blameless for the first two goals - makes a suicidal charge off his line for a long ball from Fleetwood over the top, and he winds up outside his box and a crucial couple metres away from Heward as she takes possession. He… for whatever reason, tries to slide tackle her, and misses horribly, with Heward visibly shrugging as she rolls the ball into an empty net.

45 mins - Things are just getting ridiculous now in Brinemouth. Marietta Briggs saves sharply from an Iori Saitou snap-shot, and the away end jeers her. She takes it well, though, and grins widely.

Injury time - GOAL! VRR 4-0 CHT. Speaking of ridiculous… Chatswood barely touch the ball between two quickfire goals from Vermillion, who are playing with real freedom now. Ramona Porter sprints past three markers to get on the end of Melosa Salek’s low far-post cross, sliding in to hook it across the line. Chatswood might not have anything to play for, but can they at least avoid humiliation?

HALF-TIME STATE OF PLAY
Brinemouth 2-0 Aries Chariots
Vermillion Rage 4-0 Chatswood
AFC Treason 1-0 Chenoworth Harriers
Starling 2-1 Chenoworth Rovers
Stahlburg Rovers 0-2 Coret Hawks
Stahlburg City 0-0 Corvette Maulers
Southfell United 0-1 AFC Corvistone
Sabrefell Moths 1-0 Cranequin Wanderers
Sabrefell Athletic 0-0 Crisisbless
Raven River 1-0 Crisisbless United
North Sabrefell 1-0 Cypher Town
North Laithland 1-1 Newrook City

As it stands: Sabrefell Athletic are champions. Cypher Town are in the relegation playoff, Cranequin Wanderers are down.

46 mins - Back in business. The only half-time substitution is telling; the Wanderers have hauled off the ineffective Helena Loxton, shifted Riaz over to the left wing, and brought in the veteran playmaker Leonardo Ford.

47 mins - GOAL! RVR 1-1 CRU. This was on the cards. Tanith Carter sprints down the middle, almost too fast to control the ball - and indeed, a heavy touch looks to have sent it straight to Lampshire, until Carter stretches out a boot to tap it between his legs. She falls, but Tamba - also running like hell to chase it - slots across Taliadoros and narrowly into the back of the net, off the inside of the post. River are now back in the relegation playoff, by a margin of one GD.

48 mins - Might Crisisbless United find themselves in River’s place last season? Their major concern has to be their reliance on a couple of key stars. They’re separated from the botom four by the likes of Meixner, Rivers and Antelmi, all of whom have been linked with moves next season.

49 mins - GOAL! SBC 1-0 CVM. ‘Big Bella’ Shi is kind of a crowd favourite at Stahlburg City, in large part due to her increasingly rotund (well, by football standards) frame, but it’s also worth noting that she can lighten up a fairly dire game just by planting her right boot and smashing her left through the ball and just kind of finding the top corner because She Decides To. This happens here.

50 mins - Leonardo Ford’s not made much of a difference so far for the Wanderers, and he’s just looking harried out of the game by Kellard and Reach. Riaz, on the other hand, is posing a far more serious threat to the burly Kodiak Grant than the one-note Loxton did.

51 mins - Crisisbless United nearly take the lead against River, Tanith Carter yet again dangerous, hurdling a challenge from Lampshire and suddenly through on goal - but she tries to take it around Taliadoros rather than shooting, and her touch is a little heavy. Taliadoros gets on the end of it and braces as Carter slams into and over her, goes tumbling… appeals for a penalty that ain’t coming. You knew what you were trying to draw, sister.

52 mins - GOAL! NSF 2-0 CYT. A goal with serious implications - Cypher slip into the bottom four on goals scored, of all things! Ruo’s goalkicks aren’t the best, and one speculative hoof into midfield is won by a towering and well-directed header from Valentine Roxel, one that sends the ball down the left for assertive leftback Karagounis. She arcs her run towards the box, leaving Voeller and Tristram in her wake, before lashing a shot… against the body of Hertzka, but it falls to Sabine Montag, acrobatically leaping to control it with a shin, before shooting past a maze of bodies and the blindsided Ruo!

53 mins - GOAL! STA 2-2 CHR. Out of nowhere, the Rovers are back in the game! Simple enough goal, a good corner from the classy Horvath, a thumping header from the impressive young defender Teffeteller. The Cosumarite’s already being linked heavily with Coret Hawks, who are in urgent need of both youth and of centre-halves.

54 mins - Turning back to North Sabrefell for a moment, look at the work Gareth Blackthorn’s done to really make that side his own. With Brinemouth said to be nudging the venerable Lujendra Mescalin towards retirement, whether or not they win the title today, Blackthorn is a dark horse to take the job. A strong personality and tactical mind, and someone with experience playing at this level, if not managing - why not, honestly? Bittencourt’s done well at Treason since arriving from River, which is basically the same level of move.

55 mins - GOAL! BRI 2-1 ARC. Brinemouth have taken their foot off the accelerator, and this is the price for it. Silke Gutenberg rolls the ball casually between Close’s feet, races onto it into the box, shimmers back inside to dodge a tackle from Windtide and turns to shoot… but it’s just too many turns, and she’s got no momentum. But it takes an awkward bounce off Magnozzi’s elbow, and falls perfectly for Chaplain to flick out a boot and leather the ball past Bull… the Dockers are incandescent, claiming offside, but the last touch did come off Magnozzi.

56 mins - The Chariots fans unfurl another banner, warning their players; “DON’T FUCK THIS UP FOR US.”

57 mins - River have been quietly taking back control - calm down, Clarisse Ward - against Crisisbless United. Aline Ruthers has been instrumental in midfield. But Michi Leonard has to come off, mostly because she’s old and past it, but her influence as captain can’t be overstated. The muscular Inge Wildsmith will get his chance.

58 mins - During a lull in collective play, here’s a little local geography fact for our international viewers: fuck Stahlburg and everyone from Stahlburg. It’s a truly remarkable shithole, filled with glue-sniffing knuckle-draggers.

59 mins - GOAL! SBR 1-2 COH. Oh, hello. A frankly insolent backheel from Beatrice Stubbs unceremoniously ends a Coret attack, when it falls to nobody in green and Sesay just lumps it forward. Down the wing, to Carsley, who suddenly has room to race into with Burns having overcommitted forward, and the winger draws out Lockwood before chipping over her to find Dulcina Radcliffe, who has little trouble finding an unguarded net from four yards.

60 mins - Ahhh, the death threats are already rolling in. And I didn’t even think they had internet access in Stahlburg!

61 mins - Yolandi Heimat is suiting up to come on for Southfell. Is Heimat the most dead-average 6/10 Premiership player in the league? Name one memorable thing Heimat has done in her career.

62 mins - GOAL! STA 3-2 CHR. Oh, how about that! It looks like nothing’s on as a ball bounces placidly around Konrad Lovelace, before the young Starling striker decides, fuck it, he’ll turn and volley it low into the bottom corner. Chaeffer sees it all the way and leaps full stretch and still can’t put a glove on it.

63 mins - GOAL! NLA 1-2 NRC. Newrook back ahead. Holger Varney hasn’t really convinced in this outing, and a Maladict Farrell header that comes right at him can only be parried. Straight to Olivia Nygard. The Vanorian makes no mistake.

64 mins - … Oh, Corvette. Honeys. Michael Lin pulls up after a goal kick aaand that’s him done for the night. Weirdly enough, they didn’t bother to bring along a third goalkeeper, so a gloomy, concussed Acatha Feldman hands the gloves and an ill-fitting jersey to … fuck me, it’s Julian Parable. The 36-year old’s always been one of those players who you could say ‘plays everywhere but ‘keeper’ and now, well, in his final game before retirement… this, I guess?

65 mins - GOAL! VRR 4-1 CHT. Whatever nerd runs the dictionary needs to slot this one in under ‘consolation goal’. Kolinda Bischoff clatters the lively Fleetwood, and the two midfielders get their legs caught between each other. No matter for Andrea Prentice, who picks up possession and just keeps running, until she reaches the edge of the box and tries her luck. It’s a fairly weak shot, but it just agonisingly gets beyond Leila Ramelow to pull one back.

66 mins - Chatswood are very much in a sliding doors state. Will they be able to stay up next season? Bluntly, their squad is… extremely patchy, but the injection of a bit of quality could make all the difference. The board’s talking a big game about getting back to their top-ten peak, but… it’s not that big a club, you know? But then, neither’s Newrook. … Or Starling. In any case, the fewer minutes that go to garbagemen like Matt Hephernan next season, the better. No fewer than five players are out of contract, so expect a serious reshuffle.

67 mins - Change of tack from River. Attacking midfielder Zivka Petkovic, the goalscorer, comes off - clearly tiring. Ruby Gjasula, a rangy 19-year old striker, comes on to join Breisgau up front. This should also give Kesteren more space to shine. At least, that’s the theory. Could just as easily be that Kesteren gets kicked to a pulp by Garner and Solbachen, but, you know.

68 mins - GOAL! TRE 2-0 CHH. Raquel Accardi probably finishes off the limp Harriers. By now, the fans are checking their phones for scores elsewhere. The Stags want Athletic to win tonight; not for any fondness for the Rams, just that a Brinemouth championship would be their eighth, eclipsing Treason’s seven.

69 mins - GOAL! STA 4-2 CHR. Well, that comeback was short-lived. From well outside the box, Excelsior Stroud buys a ticket, then wins the lottery. Just his second goal of the season, and Fernand Way’s warmup on the sidelines, one suspects, shifts from taking off Stroud to the jaded-looking captain Armstrong.

70 mins - Julian Parable makes a save, sort of! A low corner skims across the face of the Maulers’ goal before things devolve into a kicking match in the centre of the goal, and the journeyman wades in, slaps out at it and juuust about gets it out of danger, Seraph ultimately clearing.

71 mins - GOAL! NSF 3-0 CYT. Guys, I don’t think Cypher are going to win this game. Cecille Petrovic’s cross is met powerfully by Erika Wolff, Ruo gets a hand to it, really should manage to claw it away from the net, doesn’t.

72 mins - The Eagles have just absolutely fucking collapsed in the dying stages of the season, perhaps their punishment for going deep both internationally and in the Cup. Deeply impressive? Yeah. But the squad was too thin to compete. Even now, Athana Finchcleft looks like she’s running through an injury on the right wing, and her backup in the reserves is a teenager. Assuming Cranequin Wanderers don’t turn things around against the Moths, you’d have to fancy South Laithland to wipe the floor with them in the playoff.

73 mins - GOAL! SFM 2-0 CRW. Hey, speak of the devil. Swansea Reach wins a free kick when Yonen pulverises her, gets somewhat unsteadily to her feet, waves away the concern of Bellinger, and clips a beautiful ball over the top to Charade Tipton at the far post - the centre-half angles her header awkwardly across the face of goal, Matheny flails a hand at it to redirect it downwards and Sigrid Eisenhauer adapts quickly and throws herself at the ball to chest it across the line. Pretty much everyone in the team fucked up there.

74 mins - GOAL! RVR 2-1 CRU. Oh, things just got really fucking peachy for the Ferrymen in a short time. Say what you will about Kia Anders, but Gjasula proved an inspired substitution, her tireless running forcing Verlander into an awful chopped clearance into her chest. Gjasula takes it to an acute angle, goes for the shot - wrong idea, it’s an easy parry for Meixner at his near post, but he can’t collect it and Gjasula gets a second bite of the cherry, this time circling back around and dragging it past the floundering goalkeeper, about a second before an over-eager Verlander slams into her.

75 mins - GOAL! SBR 2-2 COH. Adele Rosborough has been the Rovers’ clear and obvious choice as their player of a miserable season. She’s the one name that Premiership teams will be looking to snap up. And she proves it here, sneaking into the box with a clever fake-out that sends Pollard stumbling the wrong way, then cutting back inside him and hammering the ball past Reinhard Lockwood. She kisses the badge. It means a lot to her.

76 mins - If this result keeps, Stahlburg Rovers will have taken 13 points from their last 12 games. That’s survival form - barely. What could’ve been, if it hadn’t been for that disastrous pointless start under Elrik Raskine, the worst in the league’s history? Even Stefan Bolander, a laughing stock in that time, has been rehabilitated under Reinhard Drake. And Drake’s not even a good manager, judging by his history...

77 mins - GOAL! SFM 3-0 CRW. The possession has been 50:50 tonight, but it’s all about what you do with it. The Moths throw the Wanderers into disarray with a sequence of quick probes down the wings, and just moments after the Wanderers think that Stoeva’s cleared the danger, Kellard wins a thumping midfield header to put it right back into trouble, Sloane Walsh - a 22-year old striker who spent half the season on loan to the third tier, hasn’t played in the Premiership before, and is fully expecting release in the window - drops back to take it and play it across to Swansea Reach, who strides with purpose through the empty air in front of her and drives the ball high across Matheny, into the top corner. A low groan across the away end.

78 mins - Fair to say the Wanderers aren’t about to clamber out of this hole. Who do you even take from them? Yonen and Kudelka, sure. Riaz, you’d suspect, could use another year in the First Division. Taani has looked good, but at 31, age might get in her way. But players like Sirleaf, Butcher, Loxton… these were the exceptional players last season that the club needed to step it up another notch this time around, and just... didn’t.

79 mins - GOAL! SBC 2-0 CVM. Stahlburg have very much had a shoot-on-sight policy now that Julian fucking Parable is somehow in goal, but the shots have been wayward and, to be fair, the Maulers have closed them down diligently. But now it does pay off, and it’s Aurelie Henry who takes advantage, an awkward low shot at pace that Parable kneels to catch but just… somehow, gets through him. An awful error for a real goalkeeper, but, well. You know.

80 mins - My inbox remains bare of Iconic Yolandi Heimat Moments. Given that you little shits are only ever too eager to destroy my baseless claims, I rest my case.

81 mins - GOAL! SFA 1-0 CRI. Reports had been thin on the ground, because, bluntly, nothing was happening. But a classy, sweeping ball from Theodore Sigismund all the way back at centre-half sets the tone, releasing Orsolya Gere down the left. She takes it in stride, getting past Longship before cutting back, perhaps surprisingly, to Jaentti, who cuts across to Coltrane, who sees that the entire Crisisbless defence is disorganised and overly shifted to the right… so hits a perfectly weighted diagonal over the top which bounces once before finding the chest of fresh substitute Hakki Ojala, leaving the painfully aging Lohengrin in his wake. The Cosumarite only has his countryman Na’Kefir to beat… and absolutely buries the strike, a blast into the roof of the net!

82 mins - The news reaches Brinemouth, who are cruising against Aries despite a slim one-goal lead. The fans groan. Can a freefalling Crisisbless really get two goals in quick succession? Well, it looks like the Heelers are bringing on the ghost of Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic’s career. Either he’ll single-handedly turn the match on its head, or he’ll shamble around sadly as the old hands at the club remember how brilliant a player he was at his peak, when he was able to run. My money’s on the latter.

83 mins - GOAL! SBC 3-0 CVM. Corvette are bad and can’t defend. Neimi Tschauner, the Smiths’ young, flaky substitute left winger, buries her first Premiership goal. First of many if she can get her decision-making right, but she’s one of those brainless pace merchants right now.

84 mins - Out of nowhere! Jevdjevic-Hadsic somehow glides into space, found by Snowe, and lashes a bolt from the blue high and hard, Gautier goes flying and juuust manages to tip the ball against the crossbar! With enough force to send it, luckily, straight to Sigismund… who chests the ball down and hoofs it out for a throw-in.

85 mins - Sigismund’s been a revelation this season. Really, all Athletic’s transfers have paid off brilliantly - Tarala’s replaced Hawke’s goals, Gere’s added a new level of incision down the left, and Sigismund’s professional attitude, class on the ball and intelligent movement off it have stood out.

86 mins - GOAL! SFU 1-1 CVS. Yeah yeah yeah, Gundersen with a tap-in in the game nobody’s watching.

87 mins - GOAL! NLA 1-3 NRC. More dead rubbers, getting in the way… this is at least a great goal. The substitute Avila Wardenier - a versatile former Nephara international, remember - slides the ball along to Ocokoljic, then sprints through the defence, and the Mytenar finds her with an excellent disguised pass that wrongfoots the inexperienced Spiders’ back line, and Wardenier rolls the ball almost insolently past a sprawling Holger Varney’s near post.

88 mins - Althea Taliadoros saves sharply from Andrya Novkovic at close range, the winger let slip for just a moment, and the fringe Nephara international goalkeeper bellows and spurs her team-mates. Just a little longer! And with Cypher and Cranequin absolutely done...

89 mins - Athletic dominated Crisisbless… until the goal. Now it seems almost as if the desperate need to have agency is spurring the Heelers on, and a shot from Kurtis Laiota… is just a little too close to the giant Gautier, who bats it away.

90 mins - GOAL! NSF 4-0 CYT. Andrea Vardalos looks exasperated as the Bohemians pick apart the Eagles’ defence yet again, ultimately letting substitute Simone Cheney angle home a strong header off a cross from the excellent Karagounis.

Injury time - Another strike from Laiota is blocked by Campbell, out for a corner… fucking hell, Na’Kefir’s coming forward for Crisisbless out of goal! They’re taking this seriously! Tom Benedict spurs his players, reminds him just how little time is left… and the referee, for that matter. Three final whistles blow across town in Sabrefell, confirming Cranequin Wanderers’ relegation after a feeble effort against the Moths reserves, Cypher’s presence in the relegation playoff, and River’s survival. And there’s just one corner left… Jevdjevic-Hadsic seems to take eons hustling over for it. The final whistle blows at the Eagles Club, Brinemouth have won, and their fans and players and even opponents wait with bated breath for good news from east Sabrefell. Jevdjevic-Hadsic swings in the corner with vicious power… it doesn’t clear the first defender, Osmosis Gandhi rising like a salmon to head it clear. Another corner-- but there won’t be time to take it! The final whistle blows, and Athletic are champions of Nephara for the fourth time!

FINAL MATCHDAY
Brinemouth 2-1 Aries Chariots
Vermillion Rage 4-1 Chatswood
AFC Treason 2-0 Chenoworth Harriers
Starling 4-2 Chenoworth Rovers
Stahlburg Rovers 2-2 Coret Hawks
Stahlburg City 3-0 Corvette Maulers
Southfell United 1-1 AFC Corvistone
Sabrefell Moths 3-0 Cranequin Wanderers
Sabrefell Athletic 1-0 Crisisbless
Raven River 2-1 Crisisbless United
North Sabrefell 4-0 Cypher Town
North Laithland 1-3 Newrook City

by **Nephara** » Sun May 12, 2019 5:07 am

PROMOTION PLAYOFF
Cypher Town (4-1-4-1): 1 - Ruo; 2 - Tristram, 4 - Hertzka, 6 - Brind, 3 - Anderton (c); 8 - Madine; 33 - Sauthier, 15 - Voeller, 10 - McCosgraigh, 16 - Tripodi; 17 - Rooke
Substitutes: 12 - Burgnich; 5 - Roben, 9 - Tihamer, 13 - Foerster, 19 - Skapoulis, 21 - Ferryman, 23 - Vanstrattan

South Laithland (4-4-2): 1 - Hartmuth; 2 - Novick, 18 - de Naam, 19 - Pike, 3 - Youabian; 13 - Tanner, 7 - Natasha (c), 15 - Jurman, 11 - Alweather; 9 - Ruther, 21 - Lazaridis
Substitutes: 12 - Russell; 5 - Martell, 14 - Paston, 18 - Barton, 20 - Kester, 22 - Barron, 34 - Vyland

The form guide only has one winner here. South Laithland stormed to steal fourth place away from Diamondqueen on the last day, battering Bishop 3-0; Cypher lost 4-0 to the Bohemians, and are winless in fuck knows how long. Oh, yeah, and the minor statistic that the First Division side has won the last seven of these, to the point where the NFA have openly considered just hosting it at the Premiership side’s home ground. And yet, whatever Andrea Vardalos tells her team, it changes… something. The Eagles march out into Phoenix Rise with heads held high… and that doesn’t last. South Laithland dominate the opening runnings, picking up where they left off against Bishop. But it’s a first half short on quality, and there’s no finishing touch - the Southrons coming closest, a low shot from Karena Ruther tipped onto the post by the diving Ruo.

Ruther picks up in turn where she leaves off in the second half, the rangy target woman springing away from the crowd to angle a header off a lovely little corner, but again Ruo scrambles to Cypher’s rescue. It’s clear the Eagles are set to get slaughtered, but the goal just doesn’t come. Ruo’s the heroine with another couple of flashy, acrobatic saves, until the ball’s in Gerhard Hartmuth’s net before he’s even made a save. But as Coretta Rooke looks out for blue shirts in the crowd to celebrate with, she sees the flag raised, and is furious. And that lifts the team, and suddenly it’s Cypher on the offensive, and the teenager Janna Sauthier sprinting down the right before slowing her pace, not quite wanting to take on Youabian directly, before swinging in a cross to the edge of the box. Finding Cressida Voeller’s feet. Unmarked, the midfielder picks her shot and drives the ball into the top corner. South Laithland feel the injustice of it all, but they can’t quite get back into the game. Cypher throw on Roben and Ferryman to freshen up the midfield and retain their stranglehold, with the brawny Borbas Tihamer not only providing an out ball up front but, late on, sending the crossbar juddering with a bulleted header. The Eagles, despite everything, have survived this marathon of the season. Just hand Vardalos the keys to the city now, thanks.

CdC CUP FINAL
Brinemouth (4-4-2): 1 - Bull; 2 - Brymora, 6 - Magnozzi, 5 - Windtide, 3 - Close; 7 - Tidesson, 21 - Soederquist (c), 10 - Conjure, 13 - Deventer; 17 - Saitou, 4 - Kuznetsov
Substitutes: 20 - Britton; 9 - Scotti, 12 - Montague, 14 - Dragana, 19 - Royer, 22 - Calabrese, 35 - Matalin

Mierton Manatees (4-4-2): Baker; Falj, Alex, Reinhold, Desmond; Marstons, Mathieu, Canada, Cantebury; Elliot, Tennyson
Substitutes: Jackson, Karlson, Kibly, Flute, Larson

Don’t forget, the Dockers have their eyes on a prize as well. But so do the Manatees, eager to stretch out their golden age another year. Benjamin Tennyson is the marquee man for a Mierton side perhaps a year past its peak, but they’ve recovered from a poor start to the season to come fourth in the league and, more pertinently, to get here. Even so, the Dockers are favourites, and while there’s some speculation that perhaps they’ll be disheartened by the title slipping out of their reach, the fact is that they’re here in imperious form. The first half bears that out, with Ryan Bull not needing to make a single save - the only goal coming when Tidesson picks out Saitou from halfway down the pitch, and the Hinodejin traps the ball elegantly, takes it inside Reinhold and fires low and hard past Baker. There’s more shots, but the typically taciturn Taeshani defence isn’t letting anything quite kill them off yet.

After the interval, the Dockers do lose a little momentum, somewhat reduced to keeping the ball without really finding that incisive edge. Desya Kuznetsov prowls the penalty area, frustrated. Ultimately, after a fairly dull half-hour, Mierton ensures the game flares back alive when Mathieu, from pretty much nowhere, finds the top corner with an electrifying strike from well outside the box. Some questions are asked of Bull’s positioning, but replays quickly confirm nothing could have kept that out, shy of a minute’s preparation to set up a step-ladder. Brinemouth rise back to the occasion, a visibly jaded, weary core rousing themselves once more. Alyss Montague joins her compatriot Jazmin Dragana in coming off the bench, and after Baker’s forced into a couple more scrambling saves and the Brinemouth formation shifts to a 4-2-3-1, it’s Montague - playing at the point of that central midfield triangle - who seems scandalously free of markers when the ball is slid her way by the overlapping Danijel Brymora, and she turns quickly and slices the Mierton defence apart with a single, simple, elegant diagonal. On the end of it, Dragana - her fellow Chromatika international, not bothering with a steadying touch, just the outside of the right to curl it across a despairing Baker. Further pressure in the final stages, but it’s all from the Dockers, with the midfield not letting go of the ball for love nor money, and it’s as a final shot from Conjure sails over the bar that the final whistle blows, and declares the Dockers regional champions.

NFA CUP FINAL
North Laithland (4-3-3): 12 - Rattin; 23 - Schaefer, 18 - Anderson, 17 - Serjeant, 3 - Posipal; 8 - Sabitzer (c), 4 - Reeve, 25 - Croxteth; 7 - Roberts, 9 - Stokes, 10 - Kendall
Substitutes: 1 - Fairweather; 5 - Traustram, 6 - Lapwing, 11 - Han, 14 - L. Varney, 16 - Ettori, 47 - Garnett

Ritter Town (4-4-2): 12 - Markgraf; 13 - Reuser, 5 - Lucex-Ilinx, 6 - Bismarck (c), 3 - Maina; 22 - Yew, 15 - Espeleta, 8 - Fenchel, 16 - Miller; 9 - Crestwell, 21 - Naga
Substitutes: 30 - Holland; 2 - Riverhound, 4 - Bickermann, 10 - Ganimedes, 11 - Ankergren, 18 - Braun, 23 - Meier

Okay. So. There is obviously only ever going to be one winner here. In the blue corner, the Spiders, fresh off a midtable Premiership finish, best players all rested from the exertions of the final round. In the white corner, the Stallions, fresh off getting relegated to the third tier. Their players, exhausted from final-day defeat at Belgrave.

But football’s never that simple, is it.

Andrea Crowe has vowed, in her final game at the Stallions before her agreed-upon date of mutual departure, that she will bring the Cup home. It’s been a terrible season for the club, marred by bust-ups behind the scenes and the underperformance of key players, but this would make it all worth it. Probably. And they come out with something to prove, despite being… clearly vastly inferior to their well-rested, top-flight opponents, and the Spiders show their quality even in a lethargic start, Luke Roberts shown just a bit too much leg by Maina, and that’s all the invitation he needs to curl a shot low and hard… against the base of the post, with Markgraf stationary. Natalia Bismarck slides in and hooks out a leg to clear, barely preventing Stokes from hammering in the rebound through her quick thinking.

If North Laithland wake up, it could be a slaughter. Everyone remembers Crisisbless’ 8-0 hammering of Extreme Hills on this occasion. Ritter don’t want to relive it. So they tighten up, and surge forward, and when they find an opening, as Rafaela Fenchel bears down on goal, taking two players with her, then plays a disguised pass between them both to find the lithe Daineri Naga… she slots home. And Ritter build on that chance. Former Athletic striker Morten Crestwell forces Rattin into a sharp save, Fenchel does the hard work to craft an opening before blazing high and wide off-balance, but the second goal is coming… and duly does, when a speculative low diagonal from leftback Lesedi Maina misses everyone on its way through the box… but not Augustine Yew, sprinting with all force onto the end of it to take it inside, then bundle it past the fatally hesitant Rattin. North Laithland call foul, for the offside, and for Yew following through into Rattin, but the linesman’s flag remains resolutely by her side. Drunk off their success, the Spiders don’t find it necessary to mark a cross from Posipal, North Laithland’s own leftback, and Deborah Stokes nips in front of Ritter’s aging centre-halves to sidefoot it past an incandescent Markgraf, the red-faced 21-year old goalkeeper shouting profanities at her captain and at a 35-year old.

The general air of anarchy continues into the second half, but at last, North Laithland start to take their chances. Irsa Croxteth is at the heart of it, unsettling the Stallions by shooting, straight from kick-off, if admittedly a gentle arc that carries in the wind straight into Markgraf’s arms. But just two minutes later, she sends a ball towards goal that Deborah Stokes, not normally known for her hold-up play, grapples hard with Lucex-Ilinx to win, then flicks out a boot to take it back to Croxteth as she races into the box, chased vainly by Reuser, and sidefoots decisively past Markgraf to level the scores. On the hour mark, Reuser - a North Laithland youth product - does his hometown club another favour, if you want to be uncharitable. Perhaps he’s too eager to prove himself when Posipal runs inside with the ball, and slides in vain towards her, but the effect is to leave her totally free on the edge of the box, give her a chance to steady herself, and thrash the ball into the top corner from an acute angle with all the viciousness of a striker.

All Ritter’s work, undone in just over 20 minutes of actual match play. Certainly, there are versions of this match where heads drop, and the Spiders win 4- or 5-2 with a veneer of comfort about the occasion, their initial fears forgotten. But this Ritter reacts to Andrea Crowe’s shouts from the touchline in a way they failed to during the actual season, and suddenly the Spiders’ defence is called into action. Now it’s Reuser pressing against Posipal, the Ritter defender using his superior brute force to all but bowl over the dainty leftback, before cutting back for Fenchel to… again, blaze over. The star midfielder’s radar was off all day, sad to say. Further warning shots came from Crestwell hitting the side netting, and a strike from Amethyst Miller that forced Rattin into an acrobatic stop. The portent of doom, however, came from Ganimedes - a hulking juggernaut of a Daineri, polar opposite of countrywoman Naga. It’s an unapologetically route-one move, but when Miller finds his head with a cross, and he knocks it down for Naga to nip in and hook past Rattin, it’s hard to deny its effectiveness. North Laithland flare back with a furious late assault, Markgraf forced into a brilliant double save to deny Griffin Kendall, but the match rolls inexorably to extra time.

By then, though, Ritter’s players are slumping, and Crowe’s decision to use her last substitute taking off the mercurial Fenchel for the stabilising presence of veteran Sherry Bickermann (formerly of Coret Hawks and South Laithland, with plenty of top-flight experience) is an unapologetically cautious one. North Laithland drive up the pressure, but Ritter’s players summon up their last reserves to throw themselves into heroic body-blocks, Bismarck taking one in the face, Reuser another somewhat below the belt. They withstand the first half… they cannot withstand the second. The pressure tells when, for once, Ritter can’t throw a body in front of Irsa Croxteth, whose low shot… is met with a diving save by Markgraf, flicking it past the post. Croxteth races over to take the corner herself, and hooks in a high, powerful effort. Markgraf tries to throw herself into the sea of bodies in the box, but makes no headway, gets lost in the traffic - and nobody’s even close to Raimund Anderson, who calmly adjusts his position, flicks his powerful neck out and powers the ball into the net, Maina on the post desperately flicking out a boot to no avail.

With five minutes left, both teams are spent. Ritter get enough in them for another final, heroic charge, but when Naga’s relatively open while still outside the box, her shot is… tired, dragged low and central, and rolls weakly into Rattin’s arms. When the final whistle blows, both sides slump to the ground, and a couple of more emotional Stallions burst into tears. But they’ve nothing to be ashamed of, and even as they go to collect the humiliation of a finalist’s medal, it’s clear there’s plenty of memories to treasure from the day, perhaps even enough to massage the agony of relegation. But that’s not to get too concerned with the fairytale - it’s important to remember, it’s North Laithland’s day. The Spiders who recovered from an early setback, Irsa Croxteth who pulled the strings and was nigh-untouchable on the night, and Robyn Sabitzer lifting up the trophy. North Laithland may not have been restored to their former glories. For that matter, they might still not even be over their own humiliating relegation. But at least the narrative is smiling on them again.

GLOBE CUP FINAL
Sabrefell Athletic (4-4-2): 1 - Gautier; 2 - Fox, 6 - Farina, 19 - Campbell, 13 - Sigismund; 11 - Ojala, 15 - Coltrane (c), 4 - Naumoff, 10 - Gere; 7 - Tarala, 9 - Ens
Substitutes: 20 - Swepstone; 3 - Jaentti, 8 - Ceulemann, 14 - Celustka, 17 - Vlahos, 21 - Bereveskos, 23 - Uzunlar

Athletic have the chance to cap off a truly remarkable season with just one more win - their determination underlined by the fact that they rested a couple of players while securing the league title. Their opponent, the enigmatic Flanders FC from Commerce Heights, will hope to bring the Globe Cup back to their homeland for the first time since Yuba United in 48… by happenstance, the same cycle that Nephara debuted. Just goes to show, there’s always going to be a stat or coincidence somewhere, if you look hard enough.

Anyway, the pedigree of the nation if not necessarily the club shone through early on, with Athletic’s high press more hesitant than it ever is in the league - fatally so, when a masterful Flanders pass over the top was ever-so-nearly headed clear by Campbell, and you could see, on a sufficiently HD screen, the ball brush across the top of his hair… as it flew over for its intended target to take it past Gautier and fire into an empty net. Something had to change, Athletic needed to take control, but as it so often does in football, the counter came against the run of play. This time, a through-ball from Gere, with Ens on the receiving end, angle closed down on goal. The obvious move, especially from Ens, would have been to centre for Tarala - but Farfish instincts took over, and his eyes were solely on threading the needle through the near post, levelling the scores.

Athletic recovered, revitalised, to dominate the second half - Oscar Coltrane, anonymous in the first half, pulling the strings in the second. It’s he who finds Orsolya Gere making one of her customary piercing runs behind the back line, 4-4-2 becoming 4-2-4 (how very typically Euran) as they sniffed blood, and from there, a one-two with Ens allowed Gere to shoot across the goalkeeper mostly unmolested. It had been a game of individually brilliant moments, too cagey for Athletic to press their luck - Vlahos replaced the buccaneering Fox, and late on, Ceulemann replaced Xixi Ens, who went off to an ovation from the red shirts in the crowd. Gautier still had work to do, spectacularly tipping a late free kick over the bar, but the Rams held on for the win.

CHAMPIONS CUP FINAL
Northern Union (4-2-3-1): 1 - Farrell; 19 - Carrack, 5 - Chaumancer, 6 - Horgan, 20 - Tambor; 13 - Considine (c), 4 - Capodanno; 21 - Garrard, 8 - Varghese, 10 - Hennessey; 14 - Blaylock
Substitutes: 12 - Blanton; 3 - Holden, 7 - Kvanderwyk, 15 - Valdemarsson, 16 - Riazen, 22 - Bullock, 32 - Apelles

Sabrefell Moths (4-4-2): 1 - Griffin; 2 - Haines, 5 - Elden, 18 - Gayle, 22 - Vicelich; 7 - Townsend, 8 - Fejzuli, 6 - Shone, 11 - Aedelbrandt; 14 - Vol (c), 10 - Romano
Substitutes: 12 - Corridan; 3 - Desantis, 4 - Serra, 13 - Bellinger, 17 - Eisenhauer, 23 - Grant, 26 - Reach

And then there were two. In the white and navy, the thoroughly convalesced Northern Union, one of Brenecia’s two real international household names, the side beloved of the miners and run by the magnates, forever associated with bringing some glamour to the mines. An aging team with no shortage of stardust, full of former Globe Cup champions, but this is their first run on this particular stage. So too, the Moths - it’s easy to forget how many storied names in the domestic game have never gotten this far. After disappointing domestically, their whole season comes down to this, an hour and a half in Turori.

The first half is cautious, though not for the nerves of either side. Union’s old age and treachery has a way of putting opponents off their stride, an unapologetic policy of foul rotation ensuring the slate stays clean for most. But the Moths can take care of themselves, and the first yellow card comes for Tawny Shone just fourteen minutes in, snapping a boot into Rowan Varghese’s shins. A minute later, her unerring pass down to the right is slightly heavily taken in stride by Imriel Townsend, but the Apoxian races onto the end of it, tussling all the way with Tambor, before hooking a slightly rushed shot into the side netting.

It’s not long before Cass Farrell’s being tested, though, as Tahir Fejzuli tries his luck from well outside the box - it’s a nothing shot until it caroms off Horgan’s knee, spinning madly towards goal, and the wrong-footed Farrell does brilliantly to reverse her momentum and claw the ball around the post. The Moths’ pressure isn’t over yet, though; the corner, from Aedelbrandt, comes straight to Solara Vol’s chest… but it doesn’t quite sit right for her as it comes down, and as she fires, Horgan and Carrack both hurl themselves in the way and it deflects over the top of both. Another corner, again to Vol, this time a header straight at Farrell. Union see out the half safely, and indeed, as they go down the tunnel, their fans are still kvetching about what they felt was a nailed-on penalty when Elyn Hennessey was dispossessed by Haines on the edge of the box, shoulder-to-shoulder.

Hennessey does not return for the second half - Union need something different, and hope to find it in the veteran winger Kit Kvanderwyk. Even at 36, the wily Cosumarite’s got more than enough in the tank to cause the Moths trouble. With his first touch, as a long ball from Capodanno finds him free down the left, Haines makes the mistake of giving him space and showing him an inside track - immediately the veteran cuts inside and unleashes a strike with his favoured right, only barely past the post. Robert Griffin didn’t quite have it covered. Not long afterwards, Union should have taken the lead. Kvanderwyk rolling the ball to the overlapping Tambor, who floats in a cross. Blaylock and Elden both go for it, neither more than glances, and it comes to Cu Roi Garrard before the winger’s ready. The winger tries to take it down with his chest at short notice, and Griffin rushes out to close down the angle. Garrard shoots, but Griffin’s made himself big enough to turn it aside.

The Moths make them pay. The corner comes to nothing, except to fashion a chance on the break when Griffin’s punch thumps it clear to Romano, who takes the ball right down the enemy’s throat with a run that sends him fully half the length of the pitch before a covering challenge from Eliwulf Tambor blindsides him, sweeping away both ball and man. The fans call for a red, but the chance wasn’t clear enough - a yellow results, and Tambor’s quickly taken off for Saskia Holden. Tahir Fejzuli takes the free kick, from a dangerous position… and thuds it wetly into the wall of burly Union bodies. The ball spins away to Townsend, who takes a low, skittering shot of her own that only just goes wide.

Soon the battle turns to aerial prowess yet again, Dakota Blaylock - who had a mildly successful spell in Nephara but has really come into his own in Brenecia - beats Gayle and forces Griffin to sprawl for the save, before at the other end, Vol’s header is tipped over the bar by Cass Farrell, before she falls into the net. But just as this looks to be devolving into a route-one maulfest, the ball comes to Tahir Fejzuli on the edge of the box, a cutback rather than the cross from Vicelich everyone expected. The incisive Mytenar sprints inside the box, not picked up by the defenders on Vol and Romano, and rifles decisively across the dithering Farrell.

Erin Camden, the Union manager, starts mashing buttons. On come the teenager Calindra Apelles and the veteran striker Kilizo Riazen, reshuffling into a very Euran 4-2-2-2, while the Moths bring on Sigrid Eisenhauer to strike on the counter and, just as the calm defender Theresa Desantis warms up on the sidelines, Apelles springs free down the right past the wearying Vicelich, bears down on goal, then passes along unselfishly to Blaylock, whose first touch is heavy - Griffin hurls himself at the ball and Blaylock does not change his trajectory, culminating in his boot following through into Griffin’s face.

A stretcher comes out as an all-out brawl threatens to consume the match before Solara Vol, the Moths unmistakable captain, forcibly restores calm. Helene Corridan, called up but never capped by the Cormorants, goes on to try and seize a chance at becoming a hero, though her first uninspiring touch is to hoof the free kick out for a throw-in. But just as the Moths have lost their goalkeeper, so too have the Union lost their momentum. Apelles takes a couple of strikes from distance, and Corridan gets down well but ultimately comfortably to save both, before the heart-stopping moment of a Kvanderwyk ball that gets through to Riazen, who pokes out a leg to cut in front of the last defender, but Corridan readjusts to claw the ball out of trouble, falling gratefully on it. Could Blaylock have followed through more decisively? Yes… but his hesitation, given the circumstances, is understandable.

The Moths keep up the threat deep into injury time, and when Zoe Aedelbrandt finds herself found free on the left by Fejzuli, with the Union defence scattered and overcommitted, she ignores the desperate calls to take it into the corner and bears down on goal. Farrell comes flying out, her indecision for the goal not soon forgotten, and when Aedelbrandt tries to power it home past her near post, Farrell flicks out her hands to palm it aside. A corner, then - and this opportunity to time-waste isn’t missed, Aedelbrandt rolling it to Eisenhauer to sandbag at the corner flag, Carrack desperately raking her studs against her calves-- but to no avail as the whistle rings out, once, twice, thrice! And it’s over. Union have come a long way just to be here. Their very presence is a victory, in a way. For the Moths, this is their time to redeem an underwhelming domestic campaign, to vindicate their claim as a truly world-class club. But for Nephara? To put paid to the last few years of underwhelming performances, the humiliation of falling out of the top four… this moment, as Solara Vol lifts the trophy, so soon after Stig Soederquist and Oscar Coltrane did the same, is priceless.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Sabrefell Athletic       46  31  10   5   95   32  +63  103
  2 Brinemouth               46  31   7   8  117   44  +73  100
  3 AFC Treason              46  27   9  10   91   46  +45   90
  4 Starling                 46  26  12   8   77   40  +37   90
  5 Sabrefell Moths          46  24  11  11   90   52  +38   83
  6 Crisisbless              46  24  10  12   78   54  +24   82
  7 Coret Hawks              46  20  15  11   76   62  +14   75
  8 AFC Corvistone           46  20  11  15   77   70   +7   71
  9 Aries Chariots           46  17  16  13   79   63  +16   67
 10 Southfell United         46  18  12  16   62   61   +1   66
 11 Newrook City             46  17  14  15   66   61   +5   65
 12 Vermillion Rage          46  14  17  15   67   65   +2   59
 13 North Laithland          46  15  14  17   56   69  -13   59
 14 North Sabrefell          46  14  16  16   58   58   +0   58
 15 Chenoworth Harriers      46  16   9  21   54   63   -9   57
 16 Stahlburg City           46  16   8  22   46   58  -12   56
 17 Crisisbless United       46  14  13  19   64   89  -25   55
 18 Chenoworth Rovers        46  13  11  22   52   71  -19   50
 19 Chatswood                46  10  15  21   55   79  -24   45
 20 Raven River              46   7  21  18   53   83  -30   42
 21 Cypher Town              46  10  10  26   37   70  -33   40
 22 Cranequin Wanderers      46   8  15  23   55   91  -36   39
 23 Corvette Maulers         46   6  11  29   50  103  -53   29
 24 Stahlburg Rovers         46   7   7  32   45  116  -71   28

TOP SCORERS
34 - Kuznetsov (BRI)
29 - Metzger (TRE)
28 - Tarala (SFA)
26 - Romano (SFM)
21 - Sierra (ARC), Saitou (BRI), Stavanger (COH)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Desya Kuznetsov (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Oscar Coltrane (SFA)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Swansea Reach (SFM)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Orsolya Gere (SFA)
Team of the Year: Gautier (SFA); Hamilton (COH), Bajnok (CRI), Campbell (SFA), Close (BRI); Townsend (SFM), Jonsson (TRE), Coltrane (SFA), Gere (SFA); Kuznetsov (BRI), Metzger (TRE)
Bench: Smordal (STA); Asghar (STA), Svensson (TRE), Tidesson (BRI), Soederquist (BRI), Woakes (CRI), Tarala (SFA)
Manager of the Year: Lisa Amos (STA)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Creed United              46  26  14   6  77  36  +41  92
  2 Cranequin City            46  26  12   8  61  40  +21  90
  3 Parrhesia United          46  25   8  13  92  58  +34  83
  4 South Laithland           46  23   7  16  65  45  +20  76
  5 Diamondqueen              46  21  12  13  78  44  +34  75
  6 Belgrave                  46  22   8  16  87  58  +29  74
  7 Brookford Otters          46  19  15  12  91  60  +31  72
  8 Hackett                   46  20  10  16  58  58   +0  70
  9 Bishop                    46  18  15  13  56  43  +13  69
 10 Leichhardt                46  17  15  14  49  39  +10  66
 11 Armstrong                 46  17  14  15  42  44   -2  65
 12 Goodfeather FC            46  16  14  16  61  59   +2  62
 13 Iron City                 46  14  16  16  43  49   -6  58
 14 Vermillion Wanderers      46  15  11  20  52  57   -5  56
 15 Mantlegrove               46  15  11  20  46  58  -12  56
 16 Morningstar               46  16   8  22  51  67  -16  56
 17 Chardonnay Rangers        46  14  13  19  57  73  -16  55
 18 AFC Serpentine            46  15   9  22  48  76  -28  54
 19 Peregrine                 46  14  10  22  53  79  -26  52
 20 Gonen's Bridge            46  13  11  22  47  77  -30  50
 21 West Brinemouth           46  12  13  21  32  49  -17  49
 22 Ritter Town               46  12  12  22  46  62  -16  48
 23 Crisisbless Athletic      46  11  13  22  53  81  -28  46
 24 Rochford                  46   8  15  23  32  65  -33  39

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Markus Strand (BEL) - 27
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Delphi Barbarouses (CRD)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Catheline Novick (SLA)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Arleta Radcliffe (PAR)
Team of the Year: Ledo (CRC); Novick (SLA), Koller (LEI), Ystrad (DMQ), Strasbourg (CRC); Conway (CRD), Barbarouses (CRD), Radcliffe (PAR), Neury (HCK); Strand (BEL), Trabelsi (CRD)
Manager of the Year: Lara Winter (HCK)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Dartmouth Terriers           46  26  10  10   73  35  +38  88
  2 The Strongest                46  26   9  11  105  67  +38  87
  3 Pillars of Southfell         46  23  13  10   58  29  +29  82
  4 Alliance Barossia            46  23  13  10   61  36  +25  82
  5 Riverkey                     46  21  16   9   60  37  +23  79
  6 Locksley                     46  22  10  14   75  65  +10  76
  7 Coret Rovers                 46  22   9  15   70  66   +4  75
  8 AFC Shale                    46  20  14  12   47  32  +15  74
  9 Extreme Hills                46  20  13  13   69  58  +11  73
 10 Stonegrave                   46  19  12  15   54  48   +6  69
 11 Aries Solitaire              46  18  11  17   70  61   +9  65
 12 Greygate                     46  18  11  17   71  64   +7  65
 13 Barossia United              46  18  10  18   63  66   -3  64
 14 Southriver                   46  18  10  18   59  67   -8  64
 15 Corinthians No Longer        46  18   9  19   63  60   +3  63
 16 Sheridan                     46  15  13  18   33  39   -6  58
 17 Falston United               46  14  12  20   60  73  -13  54
 18 Ballardine FC                46  11  18  17   46  58  -12  51
 19 The Hanged Man               46  12  13  21   28  43  -15  49
 20 Boltcroft Thorns             46  12  13  21   51  75  -24  49
 21 Autumnstone                  46   8  16  22   50  83  -33  40
 22 East Laithland Harriers      46  12   4  30   46  79  -33  40
 23 West Hook                    46   7  13  26   44  74  -30  34
 24 Crossroads Town              46   7  12  27   47  88  -41  33

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Kommissar              46  31   9   6   93   44  +49  102
  2 Brokenarch             46  28  10   8  106   50  +56   94
  3 Gosmouth Swans         46  29   7  10   79   42  +37   94
  4 Lazuli Diamonds        46  27  10   9  105   57  +48   91
  5 Brindleton             46  27   7  12   70   51  +19   88
  6 Martella Jazz          46  23  11  12   84   70  +14   80
  7 Ox River United        46  22  11  13   60   40  +20   77
  8 Mapleford              46  21  11  14   70   54  +16   74
  9 Kensey Town            46  21  10  15   86   70  +16   73
 10 Strephonage            46  17  14  15   63   48  +15   65
 11 South Parrhesia        46  19   8  19   74   66   +8   65
 12 Falston Town           46  20   5  21   76   75   +1   65
 13 Hartford Glade         46  17  11  18   61   71  -10   62
 14 Rochford Pilgrims      46  16  12  18   63   80  -17   60
 15 Sirencall FC           46  13  13  20   63   85  -22   52
 16 Iron United            46  14   9  23   48   57   -9   51
 17 Sutcroft Athletic      46  12  15  19   51   72  -21   51
 18 Fully Sick XI          46  12  13  21   56   81  -25   49
 19 Sutcroft               46  12  11  23   53   65  -12   47
 20 Long Lake              46  13   7  26   34   55  -21   46
 21 FC Seierstad           46   9  16  21   51   71  -20   43
 22 Brunyard FC            46  13   4  29   53   83  -30   43
 23 Stamper Road           46  10   7  29   52   94  -42   37
 24 Rushe United           46   7   7  32   42  112  -70   28

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ingram Township         38  21   8   9  54  25  +29  71
  2 Riverkey Shells         38  20   8  10  64  39  +25  68
  3 Fischer                 38  19   9  10  72  41  +31  66
  4 Crownsend Journey       38  19   8  11  74  49  +25  65
  5 Lockheed Zenith         38  19   7  12  54  46   +8  64
  6 Courser                 38  16  10  12  47  42   +5  58
  7 Chenoworth Teutons      38  17   6  15  42  51   -9  57
  8 Iberia Chenoworth       38  16   8  14  64  48  +16  56
  9 Ringway                 38  15  11  12  55  48   +7  56
 10 Stonesthrow Town        38  14  13  11  45  40   +5  55
 11 Fenland Albion          38  13  13  12  33  35   -2  52
 12 Grovebank               38  13  11  14  48  43   +5  50
 13 Sleetwell Rangers       38  12  12  14  51  59   -8  48
 14 Boleyn Town             38  11  14  13  35  35   +0  47
 15 Harrington              38  12  10  16  51  55   -4  46
 16 AFC Feuerweiss          38  12   6  20  50  62  -12  42
 17 AFC Hellerine           38  10  10  18  48  73  -25  40
 18 Camwell Road            38   8  13  17  34  60  -26  37
 19 Aspen Grove             38   7  15  16  44  61  -17  36
 20 Swag Hill Rovers        38   7   6  25  43  96  -53  27
Promoted: Besand's Folly, Stekelenbright

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Caldwick Strand           38  22  11   5  65  42  +23  77
  2 Downsparrow               38  21  11   6  71  40  +31  74
  3 Pravenna Saints           38  21   8   9  62  30  +32  71
  4 Bodkin Road               38  18  11   9  50  37  +13  65
  5 Cranequin Souths          38  16  10  12  61  47  +14  58
  6 Northside Eagles          38  15  12  11  65  50  +15  57
  7 Corvistone City           38  14  14  10  47  36  +11  56
  8 Gridlock                  38  16   8  14  37  29   +8  56
  9 Brookford Vantablack      38  12  16  10  50  47   +3  52
 10 Constance Park            38  11  17  10  33  32   +1  50
 11 Rookwall                  38  13  10  15  37  42   -5  49
 12 The Travellers FC         38  11  12  15  51  50   +1  45
 13 AFC Volksgarten           38  10  15  13  43  42   +1  45
 14 Twelvetrees               38  10  14  14  39  42   -3  44
 15 Brookway Town             38  11  10  17  34  47  -13  43
 16 AFC Burchess              38  10  10  18  45  58  -13  40
 17 Markoni                   38   9  10  19  37  62  -25  37
 18 Blaze                     38   8  13  17  50  82  -32  37
 19 South Brill               38   5  17  16  38  62  -24  32
 20 Corby Hubris              38   7  11  20  43  81  -38  32
Promoted: Aries Tigers, AFC Davenport

by **Nephara** » Fri Nov 08, 2019 7:29 pm

Season 74 Preview

by **Nephara** » Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:29 pm

by **Nephara** » Fri Nov 15, 2019 5:23 am

by **Nephara** » Fri Nov 15, 2019 4:37 pm

First Division Preview

by **Nephara** » Fri Nov 15, 2019 4:42 pm

Lower Down the Pyramid

Second Division
1. AFC Rochford
Colours Blue and black
Manager Audrey Carlock (51)
Key Players Georgia Petrie (GK, 31), Chris Beasley (GK, 36), Ilary Townes (RB, 26), Mikolas Mendariz (CB, 25, AUD), Sigma Hantas (CB, 32), Sarina Neville (LB/LM, 26, EFL), Nelle Bradford (LB, 25), Colette Proudfoot (RM/CM, 33), Traudl Mrdja (RM, 19), Elaine Candlestick (DM/CM, 34), Minka Forrest (CM/AM, 24), Cathy Alweather (LM, 31), Brani Saxton (ST, 32), Wynona Rampart (ST, 26)
Summary Despite constant underachievement over the past few years, standout favourites for promotion with an improved squad. High-rated manager, excellent defence, and goals should come more naturally with veteran Brani Saxton back from injury to complement the relentless energy of Rampart. And new manager Carlock just assisted Sur Arora to a Champions Cup...

2. West Brinemouth
Colours Orange and black
Manager Ulrich Esperance (43)
Key Players Clovis Terrano (GK, 28, CCN), Portia Devine (RB, 22), James Culden (RB, 35), Tomas Castanon (CB, 26, AUD), Genevieve Taylor (LB, 28), April Forshawe (LB, 34), Robin Seizter (DM, 35), Rook Trestleman (DM, 30), Adelard Chambers (CM, 29), Karel Jaffe (CM, 30), Hera Poxay (AM, 33, COS), Ferran Guegan (ST, 24, AUD), Reinhard Geist (ST, 25)
Summary Second verse, same as the first. Too big and too good for this level, with too deep pockets. Unlike Owls, lost key players in Reiss, Spinnett and Daskalakis, but the chassis is there. That said, a team that couldn't score just lost their best striker...

3. Corinthians No Longer
Colours Black and yellow
Manager Esther Mallory (48)
Key Players Tayfun Chester (GK, 31), Kurtis Siegrist (RB, 33), Daniel Axweald (CB, 28), Bella Scarratt (LB, 29), Emerance Sanborn (CM, 29), Graf Bronze (ST, 26), Tamika Porter (LW, 23)
Summary Threw cash at the problem of not being very good; meteoric rise looks set to increase another step, with young, fast and punchy squad. Multiple recruits from Premiership academies, including younger sister of Cormorant winger Ramona Porter.

4. Aries Solitaire
Colours White and black
Manager Sasha Breighthauser (45)
Key Players Alexandru Zaparas (GK, 32), Amelia Breukelen (CB, 29, IRN), Jess Seselja (LB, 20), Sascha Dimitrius (RM, 33), Sofia Tatra (CM, 28), Sirena Va'Drevu (ST, 33, COS)
Summary Big up-and-comers with their eyes on the second tier and great real-estate. Have struck up a Diamondqueen-esque partnership with the Moths, and benefit with a young, strong, attack-minded side - bar the giant spearhead Va'Drevu, one of the most proven strikers in the division, and the lethal playmaker Dimitrius, who should dominate at this level.

5. Locksley
Colours Burgundy and white
Manager Hydrangea Dimitriades (61)
Key Players Iselin (GK, 32, DAI), Camilla Arkwright (RB, 32), Bertolf Geoffrey (CB, 32), Antoine Kerherve (CB, 28, AUD), Christian Ledger (LB, 31), Rudi Thurman (RM, 30), Detlef Konstantin (CM, 35), Dimitri Konstantinopoulos (CM, 27), Lukas Fernwood (LM, 30), Marika Kreisburg (ST, 33), Carver Heaton (ST, 28)
Summary They have the goals, but it's defence that wins titles, and Kerherve can't do it alone. They have a big, hard strike partnership, and a lot of people prepared to sling crosses their way. Just need a stronger core.

6. Crisisbless Athletic
Colours Navy and white
Manager Bess Gannon (46)
Key Players Ursula Qatintiki (GK, 31, AFT), Barack Schuyler (RB, 30), Cale Balfour (CB, 31), Tristan Young (CB, 28), Janne Heitinger (LB, 32), July Valente (DM, 25, IRN), Samael Lawrence (DM, 35), Kimon Heidelberg (CM, 27), Simon Bradden (AM, 29), Chris Suttner (ST, 32), Jacinth Coen (ST, 22), Tasha Kite (LW, 30)
Summary Should weather their relegation okay, in theory, but a fragile defence has been weakened further with a number of losses. Picking up some veterans on the cheap should shore things up enough for their attack to shine.

7. Riverkey
Colours White and purple
Manager Clarissa Burnes (54)
Key Players Tameka Halsall (GK, 32), Terelius Giovinazzo (CB, 29, AUD), Tasha Avery (LB, 32), Lowen Barr (LM, 27), Radja Martelbach (ST, 24)
Summary Unlucky not to make the cut last year, but they just drew too many games due to a lack of killing power that they've not really done enough to resolve. Martelbach scored just one from seven league games for Leichhardt last season, hardly inspiring. Still, they lost fewer games than any other team for a reason.

8. Barossia United
Colours Terracotta and white
Manager Dorian Brindle (56)
Key Players Josef Colmeyer (GK, 27), Andre Sciberras (RB, 30), Markus Teamster (DM, 23), Julian Pence (CM, 33), Vasilis Nikas (CM, 32), Sarah Bernard (RW, 31), Scenario Martane (ST, 33)
Summary United see themselves as a First Division club, and they're hurling money at the problem of getting there. They're solid, but what they lack is a creative spark.

9. Greygate
Colours Grey and red
Manager Pavel Stenhouse (46)
Key Players Erin Naylor (GK, 27), Jari Ricketts (RB, 30), Rostyn Malick (CB, 31), Tormod Joiner (RM, 32), Matthew Rawson (CM, 26), Klaus Petriak (ST, 29), Constance Strober (ST, 30)
Summary As always, Greygate have better players than they are as a team. Petriak is always a threat, physical and ruthless, and there's a solid defence, but what links them up? Their First Division core has frayed over the years.

10. Ritter Town
Colours White and orange
Manager Peter Alabaster (56)
Key Players Jasper Kirkland (GK, 28), Rufus Holland (GK, 19), Harald Reuser (RB, 30), Ulrich Braun (CB, 23), Lesedi Maina (LB, 26, FPT), Augustine Yew (RM, 28), Cosette Espeleta (CM, 31), Johanna Ankergren (LM, 33), Amethyst Miller (LM, 22), Morten Crestwell (ST, 31), Ganimedes (ST, 31, DAI)
Summary For all the glory of the Cup run, the Stallions have been gutted by relegation, losing captain, top scorer and both senior keepers. They still have a handful of players good enough to win promotion from this level, which underlines just how absurd relegation was in the first place, but depth is a concern.

11. AFC Shale
Colours Jade and navy
Manager Davina Hutch (51)
Key Players Vicki Bassett (GK, 28), Jack Bufford (CB, 32), Marc Fenton (LB, 29), Cheney Corder (RM, 30), Ruziqul Burgundy (CM/AM, 33, ISK), Bernhard Duisberg (ST, 29)
Summary Shale have found their level; they don't concede goals, and they score just about enough to keep their heads well above water, but a cheap, aging, limited side exposes their lack of ambition. The key signing of Burgundy helps the creativity issue, and exacerbates the pace issue.

12. Stonegrave
Colours Sky and black
Manager Alysia Garrett (54)
Key Players Jove de Lisle (GK, 34), Meg Owley (RB, 32), Kenneth Smalt (CB, 33), Maximian Trent (CB, 30), Verdigris Kennet (LB, 29), Casper Jeavons (RM, 31), Celeste Colton (CM, 30), Perilous Whiteside (LM, 24)
Summary A strong core with no teeth. Whiteside's a brilliant flair player, but there's a reason he's still in the third tier - no end product. Not yet, at least. Still, they have more than enough to be safe.

13. Falston United
Colours White and black
Manager Alaric Jansen (45)
Key Players Rasmus Garrick (GK, 23, CYI), Sapphire Riverhound (RB, 30), Jade Heller (RM, 30, CYI), Esther Fortune (ST, 29, CYI)
Summary United are starting to look to recruit from the local Ceynes league, reinforcing their position as the pathway from Ceynes to relevance. They have more homegrown players than ever, but a steady group of Nepharim veterans should keep their head above water.

14. Coret Rovers
Colours Blue and white
Manager Valery Cain (42)
Key Players Brandon Fallowland (GK, 25), Parvana Evans (RB, 32, ISK), Dave Chenoweth (CB, 30), Reynald Etzel (CB, 29), Barrett Routledge (LB, 30), Alastair Spinnett (RM, 28), Bosko Roman (DM, 30, IRN), Erik Paston (CM, 26), Luther Spendthrift (LM, 29), Rodger Covington (ST, 32, ETN), Haroun Maynard (ST, 26)
Summary Janik + 10 just lost Janik, who left to join the team that could until now be described as Kaufmann + 10. They also lost their goalkeeper Kewell. A slow sloughing of most of their talents leaves Coret looking over their shoulder. They have a good back line, a decent midfield, and no depth.

15. The Hanged Man
Colours Red and black
Manager Warren Orwell (59)
Key Players Olivia Selkie (GK, 33), Marcel Evans (RB, 28), Ranulf Gatcan (CB, 28), Mia Geoghan (CB, 29), Fotoula Madonis (CM, 30), Jackie Mulberry (LM, 30), Makhone Djite (ST, 36)
Summary Scored a frankly pathetic 28 goals last season, and somehow still stayed up. Their defence is excellent, and signing an experienced striker in the colossus Djite (perhaps too experienced?) and creative midfielder in the form of Madonis has done wonders for their survival hopes.

16. Extreme Hills
Colours Orange and black
Manager Mixu Durran (50)
Key Players Julian Alderweiss (GK, 28), Niko Rudan (RB, 34), Arthur Levitt (CB, 30, ETN), Magdalena Spiro (LB, 28), Gavin Handspiker (CM, 29), Ivor Roxham (ST, 28), Nori Harcutt (ST, 29)
Summary A young team of misfits and cast-offs, and losing their best defender, Ciernik, has crippled them. They still have buckets of pace all over the park, and pace covers over a lot of flaws at this level.

17. Boltcroft Thorns
Colours Green and black
Manager Miron Campbell (49)
Key Players Baltasar Gensch (GK, 32), Henrik Raubell (RB, 31), Silk Commoner (CM, 33), Anders Haskell (LM, 23), Apotheosis Kaskanis (ST, 33)
Summary The Thorns didn't crack 50 points last term, and were saved by how terrible the bottom four were; they've acted quickly in the window to snap up defensive talent, the marquee striker Kaskanis and more importantly, maintain hold of their young stars.

18. Gosmouth Swans
Colours White and blue
Manager Lukas Farrell (48)
Key Players Gaetane Thevenet (GK, 30, CMT), Adelaide Raskin (RB, 33), Hilda Stannion (CM, 31), Leila Chaseling (RW, 20)
Summary A very young side somewhat reliant on loans and rejects from Premiership academies. The high turnover might damage their chemistry, and they aren't exactly streetwise, but the quality punches above their budget.

19. Lazuli Diamonds
Colours Yellow and blue
Manager Flavellio Spalaflaccio (47, AUD)
Key Players Dave Cassen (GK, 31), Kosta Nisoitis (CM, 25), Sharon Kitteman (LM, 32), Niko Boldman (ST, 33)
Summary Scoring over a hundred goals last season was a statement of intent, and unlike certain other promoted sides, they've understood the need to bolster further. They'll have to outscore the opposition, because their defence is terrible.

20. Ballardine FC
Colours Purple and white
Manager Diadora Payne (43)
Key Players Theo Stamocostas (GK, 33), Heather Curate (CM, 24), Tigran Montague (AM, 24, ISK), Melody Forster (ST, 25)
Summary A solid, but unremarkable outfit, built around a solid midfield diamond. They're disciplined, but perhaps lack a cutting edge, and can be overly concerned with possession.

21. Southriver
Colours Black and sky
Manager Christian Fleck (57)
Key Players Paddy Munster (GK, 36), Kirsten Graf-Hornburg (RB, 33), Cyrus Saebener (CM, 32), Jess Mittelberg (LM, 25), Ismael Hauer (ST, 27)
Summary Losing key players in Randwick and Greening hurts at both ends of the pitch. What's left are journeymen from head to toe.

22. Kommissar
Colours Red and black
Manager Theo Werner (57)
Key Players Lara Broadhead (GK, 24), Fiete Kinnett (RB, 31), Reza Neumann (CB, 32, ISK), Micah Horner (CM, 27), Hansel Fortesquire (ST, 28)
Summary Perennial yo-yo club; freshly yoed, about to yo once more unless something changes. Shedding all their best players every relegation is not a good long-term strategy.

23. Brokenarch
Colours Rust and bone
Manager Denis Bryan (48)
Key Players Ira Dovaston (DM, 26), Sami Makela (AM, 34)
Summary Have never been this high before, have not reinforced enough to avoid the vertigo. Resilient enough, disciplined, but even the goals that got them here came from strikers who have no experience at this level.

24. Sheridan
Colours Green and orange
Manager Bella Chadwick (46)
Key Players Henna Morgan (GK, 39), Toriel Scarrow (CB, 34), Blossom Garry (LB, 34), Corinne Murdock (RM, 32), Callum Chandler (CM, 31), Trinity Plantagenet (ST, 32)
Summary Sherries scored 33 goals last season; you don't keep up with that record for long, and unfortunately, losing key defenders might be the death of them. Can the ghost of Trinity Plantagenet's career really save them?

Third Division
The fourth tier lacks a truly standout team at the outset of this season, though freshly-relegated Crossroads Town probably bring the most prestige to the table - for whom Apostolos Iordanou, Pravennan midfield star and veteran of their recent First Division campaign, is probably the best player in the league.

Conference
After repeated failure to gain promotion, the plug has been pulled on the Pravenna Saints experiment; they've been replaced at the last moment with New Oakstone Phoenix, the... well... phoenix club of Mainstream Fist, rebased to north Corvistone. Bankrolled heavily, they're anticipated to do well, along with Corvistone City in the east.

by **Nephara** » Wed Nov 20, 2019 5:05 am

Preseason
The Super Cup launches with two Nepharim clubs for the first time, with SBCC champions Valencia FC of Valladares the makeweight. At least, that’s the expectation, but Valencia stand up strongly to defy a disjointed Athletic in a 1-1 draw, Sipke Tarala heading home a late leveller to spare Athletic’s blushes. The Moths roll over them 3-0, meaning they just need a draw against Athletic to clinch the tournament. In what is only the second derby in Super Cup history, Athletic rise to the challenge. Gere slips by Haines and whips a cool finish past Griffin, before Ens makes the most of a canny one-two with Coltrane to slip by the Moths’ back line and stab the ball between Griffin’s feet. But the Moths find their way back on the verge of half-time, Wil Jabelon making up for slipping in pursuit of Ens earlier by rising highest to head home countrywoman Aedelbrandt’s corner. Athletic’s momentum, already stalling, is halted just before the hour when Jean-Michel Dominique’s uncertain start to his Athletic career gets worse, hacking Fejzuli down to earn a second yellow. On come Naumoff and Farina to shore up the desperate rearguard action, one which lasts right up until the 89th minute, a cross from Imriel Townsend, and Solara Vol practically bodyslamming Sigismund on her way to smashing home the equaliser. A draw on paper, but enough to clinch the Cup.

However, there are no Champions’ or Globe Cup matches to follow. This season sees the inaugural Dwile Invitational Tournament, the stopgap in the mooted changeover from UICA to IFCF as governing body of international club competition, as the temporary height of competition. This is bad for Nephara in the sense that the Moths would have been a fifth Champions Cup place; this is good for Nephara in the sense that, if there really isn’t a revival of the UICA system, they just won the final Champions Cup, Globe Cup and Super Cup. You have to laugh at star-crossed Coret, though. Anyway, the top four make it; Starling beat Uryanspor and edge out Dwile, Treason beat Handon and thrash Bayern-Algaer, while Brinemouth beat down Virtus of Lisander 3-0 in each leg, with Sabrefell Athletic qualifying automatically for the groups.

Which is handy, because they still have to lick their wounds and contest the Ramsey Shield, which has now become increasingly accepted as the curtain-raiser to the season proper. There’s some ceremony to it, this time, as a boulder found somewhere in the Laith that looks unnervingly like Gethin Ramsey is hauled to Corvistone and looms on the sidelines all game. There’s even talk of it being adopted as some sort of ‘Godhead’ by the national team. One kind of wishes Ritter had won the cup, just so Athletic could put the now-third-tier side to the sword, but no, North Laithland are here and Lilith Thornwood makes the best possible start to her time at the club. Her first touch is the kick-off. Her second touch is a diving header to get on the end of a low cross from Kendall, putting the Spiders 1-0 up inside two minutes. The Spiders calm things down through the rest of the half, new goalkeeper Krieven acting sharply to deny snap-shots from Ens and Gere, but it doesn’t last. They tire. Tarala takes full advantage in the 51st, then 56th, then 74th minutes, and while Irsa Croxteth pulls one back from a free kick Athletic hold out to clinch yet another victory in a Sabrefell-dominated tournament.

The Premiership returns, after what feels like an age! And already, there’s no shortage of narratives, even in seemingly staid matches. Catheline Harper gives her old club Treason a gift by seemingly ordering her Rovers to roll over and die, John Fletcher obligingly leading the charge to an easy 3-0 win at what should always be a tough place to go. Cypher Town’s Andrea Bereveskos immediately makes Sabrefell Athletic regret selling her back to her hometown club; an inspired long pass from Weiss finding Tripodi, Tripodi scything a low cross through the defence and Bereveskos sliding in at the other end to stab a third-minute opener past a sprawling Gautier. Athletic subsequently make Cypher Town regret being full of mediocre players by scoring three in the second half without ever really leaving a strolling pace. Nevaeh Cathar, who snubbed the Hawks at the last minute to sign for Starling, hits the post against Coret. Twice. Not to worry, though, her strike partner Dostalok picks up the load with a goal either half, though a late goal from debutant Kasmiir adds some late intrigue. Coret striker Fiona Norval thinks she knots it up in extra time, but to her chagrin, she was marginally offside at the time Caracole laid on a peach of an assist.

George Jayson’s managerial career gets off to a damp squib as Crisisbless demolish his Tanners 6-1, with 20m signing Quintero hitting the ground running, humiliating Evans time and again before switching flanks in the last 15 minutes to humiliate Bowyer somewhat as well. As far as the newly promoted sides go, none of them win but all have some bright spots to show from tough away games. For the Saints, a valiant rearguard action against the Chariots (and nine fine saves from Spyrakis) salvage a draw despite Telviir’s sending-off just before the hour, while Creed stand up well to Chatswood before Senninger, in his first Premiership start and having otherwise been solid, drops a corner from Prentice that allows Chatswood captain Rashkin to slam home. As for Cranequin City, well… they score against Brinemouth through Skiff and keep them down to three goals of their own. Could they really hope for more?

All four promoted sides in the second tier, meanwhile, lose. Alliance, convincingly, with no answer to Catric Pinnon running the show for Vermillion Wanderers, the captain chalking up all three assists in a 3-0 win. Kristian Non spends a lot of the game with his hands on his hips, already wondering if his romantic sojourn was worth it. Hackett’s 2-1 win over Pillars is more comfortable than the scoreline implies, soured only by a fluke own goal from Munoz, and extends hopes that maybe last season was the new normal. Lara Winter, Hackett’s old manager, gets her side off to a good start, not allowing Janik-spearheaded Peregrine a single shot on target in a 2-0 win, Loxton matching her entire goal tally from last season with a single brace.

Already, a Treason derby! Sure, there’s plenty of teams in the city, but Treason vs. Chatswood is irreplaceable and, bonus, both teams are full of murderers. As is usually the case, Treason dominate possession, outrunning and outgunning Chatswood, Metzger, McInnes and Jonsson each taking their turns to sting new Chatswood goalkeeper Nova Williams’ palms. One Treason attack breaks down, an uncharacteristically slack pass from Rauch selling Jonsson short, and from nowhere Bischoff snaps in, clips the ball down the right flank, Conleth flies past Va’Afaja, unsteadied by her shoulder but still able to cut it back behind both strikers, both centre-halves, but perfectly into the path of Andrea Prentice, who strokes Chatswood ahead with their first shot on target of the game. Their second comes when Prentice drops a free kick on Rashkin’s head just before half-time, and Treason never recover their momentum, stunned into silence in a dull second half. Even a late scissor kick from substitute Lorelei Neptune was palmed around the post by Williams. Just wasn’t the Stags’ day, but manager Bittencourt can’t just say that, so he blames the referees.

The Uniteds of Creed and Parrhesia square off, having presumably already had enough of facing Premiership teams. Some pundits treat it as a surprise that Fasolt Senninger isn’t dropped after one mistake. Well, after a quiet opening nine minutes, Abate Brehanu clumsily bulldozes Sigrun Barota, who is only too happy to go down after scything inside. Reus steps up, aims for the left… at a comfortable height, and Senninger springs across to claw it away! The Saints are crushed. Retta Conrad scythes inside of Symond, and she too gets put under pressure, but instead of falling over she just gets off a shot that trickles past a wrong-footed Spyrakis. In the second half, things went from bad to worse; Trabelsi, Taani and young substitute Riven each take their chances to lash past the exposed goalkeeper. Senninger, after his penalty save, is barely tested again. Crisisbless edge out Sabrefell Athletic in a dour game, dominating midfield away. Maia Abylon actually gets a goal, thundering home when given space outside the box, which Crisisbless fans were lead to believe was some kind of cryptid. If the midfielder can add that final string to her bow, she might be the bargain of the season, even at 15 million.

Peregrine’s rough start to the season continues. At least Selke scores this time, probably with the goal of the game as Unbehaun sizzles past Jurman before slipping to Peck, Peck sashays past Novick and slips a ball through the lines for Selke to stab between Hartmuth’s legs. The Southrons’ goals were all fairly pedestrian, but one suspects Daniel Kunde will be happy enough since there were six of them. Brookford manager Andrea Betancourt has already endured an off-season full of uncertainty, and now has to put up with more boos from the away end as a second-half flurry from Kurz, Seraph and, uh, Jennifer Betancourt, sees unfancied Corvette to a 3-0 win. Hackett win another crunch match, this time 2-0 visiting Dartmouth, Dransfeld still imperious in midfield, Gallan with the finishing touches.

The big teams all assert their dominance, laying down markers. Treason’s win over Parrhesia is a fairly routine 2-0, livened up by Rovena Stride’s lively Stags debut at rightback, while Crisisbless buffet and batter North Sabrefell all game before a late flurry gives them the 4-1 margin they deserve, Quintero switching it on. Brinemouth’s quality makes the difference against Starling, though neither side has exactly had the best transfer window; still, nobody ripped Brinemouth’s core from them. The difference came from the bench. With the scores and momentum level at 1-1, Blackwood switched out Kesteren for the more direct option of Iori Saitou. Lisa Amos… had to plump for bringing on Mateo Padilla and Cesar Corvalan in like-for-like substitutions. Saitou, given the slightest opportunity to shine from Conjure, promptly shimmered past two defenders like they weren’t even there before curling the winner past Smordal. In stoppage time, Corvalan sent a free header down Bull’s throat. There’s no question of class for the Moths, who just smash Chenoworth Rovers 5-0 in a game that shatters goalkeeper Chaeffer’s confidence utterly; dropping a cross for the first goal and arguably culpable for the fourth, the fifth goal comes from a shanked clearance into the substantial Solara Vol, and the satyr almost looks guilty rolling it into the net.

But the best result belongs to Sabrefell Athletic, hosted by a Coret side that could and should do damage on paper. Maybe they’re cursed by the absence of Globe Cup football. Maybe, more likely, Norval and Stavanger are just an immobile pair of strikers, and Jewell, brought on late, isn’t really up to scratch - she murders two late chances through two lamentably heavy chances, though still offers more than the one-dimensional, one-paced Norval. The light comes through Rasmus Caracole, who cuts outside Fox, happy to let him, before he just smashes past Gautier at his near post through the sheer force of his left foot. Ah, but why focus on the Hawks? This was Athletic’s day, with Bryony Westerveld a surprise starter over Ojala and absolutely killing it down the right wing, Sigismund imperious in a central role, Coltrane showing no signs of age. Elsewhere, Cranequin City’s sluggish back line is carved to pieces by Vermillion Rage’s sheer pace, Eduardo’s much-vaunted playmaking pretty much just becoming a matter of flicking long balls over the top for their viciously efficient front three. Right winger Anastasiadis is the star of the show with a brace, which isn’t bad for a supposed stopgap.

Serpentine host Peregrine and spend the duration of the match flexing on and T-posing a physically fairly small side thta has no answer to Serpentine’s sound and fury. On paper the two sides look very similar, but in practice, Penrooke’s just doing more with less. Nanemoru wreaks particular havoc down the right wing, scoring twice and laying on an assist in the 4-0 win, while beleagured Esther Mallory watches on helplessly from the sidelines. Well, not quite helpless. She hooks her hapless leftback Montagne, at half-time, replacing him with Raspas, who performs even worse. Morningstar outbattle South Laithland with a true Warrior spirit, Camberwell’s players throwing themselves in front of shot after shot, Aris Daskalakis with a well-taken winner to open his account for the season, set up by veteran rightback Crowe rolling back the ears; Trifon Draxler scores first and best, though, with the kind of mazy, daring runs that first made him seem like he was destined for great things. Alliance vs. Stahlburg is a strikers’ duel, Kristian Non netting twice and Sharpe bagging a hat-trick.

Today in Treason, the glorious return of two former Stags goalkeepers to the Gauntlet. 23-year old Fasolt Senninger wears the 20 and the gloves… for Creed United, and Diandra Ballard, twenty years (a full generation!) her senior, leads her charges in their dark green third kits. Neither Senninger nor Ballard achieved their potential at their hometown club, though Ballard did at least enjoy a productive second spell at the club between her time with Endeavour and Samotath. Gideon Fletcher, just retired, is in the stands; Russ Miller, the final great Treason goalkeeper and in honesty probably the most legendary at the club, is still on Treason’s coaching staff. Angel Clavel, who Senninger could not dislodge, saves sharply, early, against Portia Taani’s low header… a scrambled save he can’t squirm on top of, he can only try and flick out of danger. And yet, it goes only as far as Joel Conway, who almost diffidently slips it home through the maze of bodies. If you have a 1-0 lead at the Gauntlet, Ballard knows better than most, you don’t chance it. But it’s an aggressive kind of defence, Creed players hurling into tackles, and water-carrier Beckner replacing striker Trabelsi at 52 minutes to shore things further. And Senninger makes save after save after save, keeping Creed in the game, snatching the points. “Say what you will,” said Treason manager Cheney Bittencourt begrudgingly, “their lads crucified themselves for the points today.” That’s… evocative.

There is no way - no earthly fucking way! - that Vermillion’s joust with the Chariots should end scoreless. But it seems that both tactical plans rather cancel one another out. The Rage pull back to defend against the Chariots’ pace and wait to spring back on the counter; the Chariots pull back to defend against the Rage’s pace and wait to spring back on the counter. It’s dull as dishwater. Cranequin City stymie Starling and Chatswood stall out the Moths in other scoreless matches this week, these with the away sides coming out distinctly more pleased. For rather happier hosts, look at central Sabrefell, where River play ‘ring around the Rovers’ until Nikita Crowe (Brenecian filth!) falls down, earning a penalty for Leonard to hammer past Chaeffer for a deserved win. Or, look south, to where the Tanners edge Brinemouth through a scrappy late winner, Nathan Ellis hurling himself at a late goalmouth scramble and chesting the ball across the line.

Leichhardt started the season with three straight 2-0 wins, but that streak is snapped just fourteen minutes into their visit to Belgrave. Sloan swings in a cross, Beitar heads it away, the ball falls towards Kotaru Katsura, who almost in slow-motion seems to judge the ball’s flight and almost insolently rockets a volley into the top corner. But just nine minutes later, Ernie Stevenson is played through on goal by Reiziger as a flat-footed Belgrave defence watches on, Connell surges out, and the Hapilopper international… uh, takes the ball between his feet, kangaroo-hops over the sliding, startled goalkeeper and heel-flicks the ball into the empty net. Fair to say the First Division’s got some characters in it this season. Vermillion Wanderers’ lightning start to the season continues; they’ve had two 3-0 wins and now a 4-0 against Dartmouth, towering satyr Istria Saara now with six goals from four games, Orion Randwick seeming an inspired purchase in goal, Dartmouth seeming like a shower of shit. South Laithland clean out Bishop 4-1 as Natasha rolls back the years, and a late Nsereko winner off the bench in a 3-2 thriller sees Chardonnay inflict Brookford’s third straight defeat, already intensifying calls for Betancourt’s head.

The term ‘six-pointer’ is so rarely applied to teams at the top, but when Brinemouth host Sabrefell Athletic, it defies alternative phrasings. Both sides have started about par, not weak but hardly imperious, and that’s just how they start the match. It’s a quick, open occasion, Deventer and Kuznetsov firing warning shots across Gautier’s bow, Coltrane giving his Euran countryman Bull something to think about. It’s another Euran, Fox, who nearly opens the scoring against Brinemouth in farcical fashion, an overhit cross on a windy day floating over Bull, caroming off the inside of the post and bouncing back the right side of the goalline to Bull’s grateful arms. That’s the sliding door’s moment of the game. When Brinemouth get a fluke, Deventer’s cross looping wickedly off Sigismund’s heel, Kuznetsov throwing himself onto the path of the ball to guide it past a stranded Gautier. Brinemouth double their advantage on the stroke of half-time, sending pinpoint passes through miniscule gaps in Athletic’s tight-knit defence before Kesteren, arriving late in the box, stabs home the finish with the outside of the boot. Athletic come back the better side in the second half, but Ryan Bull earns his keep by denying the uncharacteristically quiet Tarala, then Coltrane twice in succession. Gautier has a brilliant but inelegant double save in him to deny Kuznetsov, but is uncharacteristically and slackly beaten at his near post by Tidesson to give the game an unjust three-goal gloss. Reece Lucas, yet another Euran, pulls one back, the leftback with a striker’s confidence striking from the corner of the box. 3-1 seems about right, but in some quantum realities, that was absolutely an Athletic win.

The Crisisbless derby is a fine opportunity for Tim Maitfield to build on an unbeaten start. Tipped for relegation by some, United’s young guns have stepped up admirably, and Drusilla Moxey’s done more for them than she was able for the Rovers last season. But their counterattacks are stymied by Crisisbless’ caution, Bronte and Abylon dominate the midfield, and wingers Quintero and Staunton each chip in with a goal as Airik Ruhl almost brawls with the entire United bench late on, a handy 2-0 win. No shame for United, though. Parrhesia United’s wait for a goal finally ends, eighty minutes in against Sabrefell Moths. Misha Symond’s cross misses everyone in the box, it seems, until leftback Zohar Vandermark gets on the other end of it and slides home through a maze of bodies. This makes it… still 4-1 to the Moths, in a game in which Fejzuli and Shone dominated a midfield they were outnumbered in. Cypher come from behind to destroy Corvistone 4-2 away from home in a bad-tempered affair, while the Chariots dominate Treason on paper but just can’t make their chances count in a 1-1 draw.

Peregrine are winless, and visit an Alliance side who haven’t been much stronger, for what already looks a six-pointer. Twenty-six minutes in, not a lot has happened, before Rinat Stubbs’ cross is flicked through Risdon’s weak fingertips by Kristian Non, and then all hell breaks loose. Selke wins a penalty for Unbehaun to score, Rinehart gives Peck a mishit cross to chest down and smack past Rose, before Janik slips through the net in possession and whips a low finish past Rose; just when the Falconers think they’re home and away, Risdon tips over a speculative effort from Snowpoint in surely the last action of the half, the referee lets them go on and take the corner, which Cash promptly heads past Risdon for 3-2. Alliance level the scores almost immediately in the second half, Swanhilda Berisha turning on the pace to blaze past two defenders and beat the shaky Risdon at his near post, but Janik gets her second just before the hour and Peck, from a free kick, flights home their fifth of the night just after. And then the last twenty-five minutes… are also silent. Belgrave’s 5-1 hammering of South Laithland is better spaced out but no less impressive, Kunde incandescent on the Southrons’ touchline, their midfield totally overrun and Katsura moving and passing at will, scoring twice himself.

A touching soap opera story on Saturday. Kimus de Vries and Molly Killanen stand together on the sidelines, Leonard and Villaverde being applauded off by the stands. They swap places. De Vries looks back at Killanen. Killanen looks back at de Vries. They hug, and kiss, passionately. The crowd cheers and wolf-whistles. And every Saints fan in that stadium wants to crawl into a lantern and die, like a starving moth that has delivered its progeny and fulfilled its life cycle. Eoin Killanen has ample time to hook up his aging sister and brother-in-law because his River side are acing this six-pointer, crushing the Saints 4-1 by the 72-minute mark, reuniting them on the pitch for the first time since they were both at Foxchester. His sister is past her best. Her brother honestly seems pretty terrible. It doesn’t make a difference, as Quinn McEthinly bursts through on Taliadoros’ goal in stoppage and falls over on her face. It’s that kind of day.

The other main subplot sees hated rivals Stahlburg City and AFC Treason clash. Things were pretty tight in the long-awaited rematch last season. Not so this time. Cheney Bittencourt strips out the more callow members of the squad and packs it full of homicidal locals, the tone set early on when Aristide Metzger rises like a spawning salmon to meet a McInnes cross… dragging himself up by Hasek’s hair. Shi earns a free kick when Vornander grabs and hauls her off the ball by a love handle, Henry drops the result on Mathis Orsay who heads home the leveller, but that’s the last sniff of goal they get. McInnes plays provider twice more, before Machua Cronin, making her first start of the season, scores her first Treason goal after dismantling Brujah, seeing acres of space in front of her and chancing her arm with a strike that bounces awkwardly just before reaching Prant-Telew, and almost rolls over their wrists to clinch a 4-1 win. Gareth Blackthorn’s return to his old stomping ground at North Sabrefell is met with polite home applause, a lot of bold talk of moving onwards, and a single brilliant goal started and finished by rightback Spencer to showcase exactly why Blackthorn was so beloved at the Bohemians and so coveted by the Dockers. Vermillion crush Southfell 5-0 in a match that opens up when Nathan Ellis suplexes the tiny, boxy Cassadore at a corner, while a Barbarouses-inspired Creed lay down a marker by thoroughly deserving a 2-1 win over the Moths at the Farham, Taani finally getting the chance to outshine Vol.

There were just fifteen goals across eleven fixtures this matchday, Mizumaru-inspired and Beraht-safeguarded Goodfeather’s 1-0 win over South Laithland probably the most momentous, or Sylvia Janik’s first strike of the season to help Peregrine sink the Strongest in a six-pointer with Selke applying the finishing touch. Or you lucked out, and watched the Diamonds host Hackett. That’s where the other eleven goals were hiding this round. Ten flew past Darroll Kewell - welcome back to the second tier! - despite the Eastfielder making a couple of sharp saves to keep the score down. In the chaos, Munoz and Mason both scored own goals and captain Hecate Dransfeld managed to score a penalty and get a second caution for dissent six minutes later. For Diamondqueen, well… it’s hard to pick out just one star. “I’m elated with the whole damn performance,” said Elaine Koeller, which summed it up well enough. Still, Claudia Escrow did score four to vault to the top of the scoring charts.

Southfell have had a bizarre record thus far. In order: 6-1 defeat to Crisisbless; really bad! 3-0 win over Coret; really good! 2-1 defeat to the Harriers; mediocre! 2-1 win over Brinemouth; really good! 2-2 draw with Cranequin City; really bad! 5-0 defeat to Vermillion; self-explanatory! So Starling don’t really know what to expect, beyond that Nathan Ellis (who didn’t start against Crisisbless, so has a good record) is suspended. Still, Staniels can step up, right? Things start stable enough, for twenty-eight dreary minutes. Then Nagy slips off Kymeri’s shoulder, rewards a clever run from Marko with an even better pass, Visser puts in a robust shoulder and Marko takes the opportunity to go down like a pole-axed goat. Erik Marlowe steps up to take the ball for the penalty before the referee can even blow her whistle. Erik Marlowe sends the penalty into the stratosphere. Southfell absolutely fail to recover and get hammered 5-0, again. Armstrong runs rampant through the midfield, shuttling with creative drive and panache, and Nevaeh Cathar blazes into action with two goals and an assist on a silver platter for Dostalok, though she’s visibly pissed off to be substituted with a hat-trick beckoning.

More significant and frankly better viewing is Treason hosting the Moths. Again, the best Stags matches have them concede first. Solara Vol obliges, as she so often does, beasting Vornander, Svensson and stranded goalkeeper Clavel to somehow head home Aedelbrandt’s brilliant cross. The Moths keep going for the second, though they’re warned early enough when all it takes is a massive clearance from Vornander to free Metzger on the break, through on goal, but a heavy touch kills the chance and sends the ball rolling into Griffin’s hands. Metzger’s incandescent with himself, but he gets his chance, chesting down a quick throw from Corrello, taking it inside and rifling past Griffin, who is furious at his sluggish defence. The Moths manage to get back ahead on the 40-minute mark, Townsend with a brilliant individual bit of skill, and keep beating on Clavel’s goal in the seocnd half, Aedelbrandt and Shone denied by flying saves. Treason stay calm, believing in the goal to come. It does, Jonsson floating a free kick to just beyond the defensive line, where Vornander has found himself and buries a diving header, before just two minutes later, with the Moths resolutely refusing to practice any kind of game management, Rauch practically throws Shone to the ground chasing a lost cause, slips to the ground crossing down the flank, Accardi beats Vicelich to it, cuts around her, and slides the ball across to of course it’s substitute Roddy Fraser, whose first touch guides it almost gently past Griffin. Elsewhere, signs of recovery in Corvistone as they sink a grim hosting Coret 2-1 (“The Baba has arrived!” Warrington declares after opening his account with a brace), Creed batter River 3-0 in a relentless thrashing and Chenoworth Rovers manage a late leveller to stymie Crisisbless when Rashica Horvath falls over in a goalmouth scramble, instinctively flicks out a hand and punches the ball over the line, unnoticed in the scrum of bodies.

The biggest benefactors of Diamondqueen’s 10-1 hammering aren’t, in fact, Diamondqueen, who are arguably complacent and certainly slack in allowing Pillars of Southfell their first win of the season. Worse still, Pillars had only scored three goals all season; Aurtenetxe, Raihani, Casemere and substitute Younis more than double that in 90 minutes. Minka Bronson does what she can to orchestrate a resurgence, the Diamonds 4-1 down with 20 minutes to go; Escrow and Creek almost get them there, but not quite. No, the biggest benefactors are Peregrine, because getting demolished 8-1 by Stahlburg Rovers suddenly looks a lot less bad. Right? No, not really. Radcliffe and Sharpe fill their boots, Diebeck runs the midfield imperiously. Leichhardt’s fans already adore Lara Winter, who steers the Stargazers to an assertive 4-1 win over a feckless Brookford that would’ve been unthinkable under Bruno Hawke’s stifling conservatism. Stevenson scores twice, and dabs both times. Fellow new signing Loxton seems to have already found a gift for finding him.

After some recent stumbles, one suspects Athletic don’t really want to see Starling visit, for all Tom Benedict bullishly announces it as the chance to “quash some doubts”. Sipke Tarala has some doubts, having started the season slowly, having been near-invisible against Brinemouth earlier. Sipke Tarala ends them, conclusively, with a first-half hat-trick. And did Estrella Hawke ever score an overhead kick? Let alone against UICA rivals! Smordal should have saved it, in truth, but he looked surprised enough that letting it spill between his hands was understandable. Starling are stunned, but not done, even as Athletic give Tarala the chance to leave with applause in the 49th minute. His replacement, Caszely, is near-immediately smashed to the turf by Visser; cue square-off, cue break-off of Athletic’s momentum, and soon after, of course, cue Visser crashing home a corner from Armstrong. Two minutes later - just two minutes! - Armstrong goes at it himself from another dead ball, the wall jumps, Sigismund lucklessly gets his temple on it to deflect it, not away, but past a motionless Gautier. But Salavat Caszely gets his revenge, striding with confidence into the box, holding Visser back - both men with sizable handfuls of the others’ shirts - firing past the exposed Smordal and laughing maniacally in Visser’s face. Visser shoves him to the ground again, gets his second caution for the same offence, and Hakki Ojala finishes it off threading a strike through the gaps. 5-2, if you’d lost count. Understandable.

Raven River get to host the Stags, and it’s a serious test of Eoin Killanen’s ability to marshal a defence. It’s a test he fails. McInnes fires straight at Taliadoros, who fumbles the ball through sheer power and punches herself in the face in frustration, something that maybe concusses her? It seems a reasonable explanation for her flappy attempt to handle a cross from Rovena Stride, with Fletcher only too happy to eat the scraps, and though there’s little she can do against the lightning strikes from Mastiff and Va’Afaja, the damage is done in a 4-0 rout. Elsewhere, things are cagier; a masterful performance from the hitherto invisible Clarisse Ulreich hands Corvistone a second straight 2-1 win, this over the Harriers, Cypher’s set pieces secure the win over the Saints and Cranequin City’s precise attack overcomes a sloppy, wasteful Newrook City in a hugely impressive 3-1 away win.

Andrea Betancourt is supposedly so close to the axe that one shoddy tabloid actually reports her demise as fact. But no, the Brookford manager limps to the next weekend. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing. A visit to Dross, where South Laithland await, is no place to save one’s career. Or… is it? Brookford come out of the gates snapping into challenges and chasing fearlessly after lost causes, Lavinia Riitsi a particularly concussive force in midfield, and it’s when Riitsi charges down a panicky clearance from Journey Pike that she creates the opener, beating everyone to it, outmuscling de Naam and driving the ball across the face of goal for Mithradates to crash home. The Southroons look to strike back, and nearly do off a corner, but Claudia Solwood, standing on the far post, acts swiftly to sweep de Naam’s header off the line. Brookford’s intensity cools off near the end of the first half, but they enter the second rejuvenated, and Monica Bairstow lays on assists on a platter for Nizarut and the truly deserving player of the match Riitsi to secure a stunning 3-0 away win over one of the favourites to win the league. Betancourt remains in situ. For a while, at least.

Double derby day! Well… if you count Treason and Lindmark as a ‘derby’, which, really, they aren’t. Better to start in Chenoworth, where third- or fourth-choice manager Snowy Brennan has been off to a fairly strong start. She’s even managed to get a tune out of Tom Whittaker, who clips a deft finish into the underside of the bar nine minutes in and charges into the home fans. Pity the linesman’s flag is up. Still, he unselfishly (???) lays on an assist for Rivers soon afterwards after Laslow narrows his angle beyond his limits, and everything is right with the Harriers. But just thirty-two seconds after the kick-off, the ball’s in Sheffield’s net; Ender Fife, in the mix for “added bite” according to Catheline Harper, slings in a diagonal ball that Nya Murray deftly chests down and hammers by the stranded goalkeeper. The Rovers defend stoutly to hold out for a draw, though the fans are less than elated by that level of ambition. Fife headbutts Rouphos and gets sent off in the 81st minute, and Rivers whips a lethal free kick against the crossbar, but 1-1 it remains.

In Treason, a dull first half gives way to a flurry of activity in the second. It’s a game that needs North Laithland to score first, which Lilith Thornwood does, the former Morningstar making no secret of her happiness. Treason open up, and guns blaze; goalkeeper Krieven just about keeps his side in it, but there’s nothing he can do when Jonsson’s strike is deflected horribly off Reeve’s calf, or when Accardi finds McInnes unmarked on the edge of the area for the Schottic winger to lash home her first goal. But in the 93rd minute, with the home fans passive-aggressively whistling for the referee’s benefit, Dorian Kendrick slings a long throw into the box and prays for something to happen… and Luke Roberts, throwing himself at the ball, delivers, sweeping the ball into the net. And is concussed by Vornander falling on him in the aftermath. Still, a great point. Elsewhere, Coret Hawks’ dreadful start continues; as if missing out on the Globe Cup wasn’t bad enough! Chatswood pulverise them 4-0, Coret’s own homegrown striker Ivana Henderson scoring twice and she is absolutely not skimping on the celebrations, having been allowed to be sold because they didn’t think she was good enough. Corvistone are similarly wretched as Brinemouth sweep them aside, while Southfell cold-cock Athletic in a 4-1 mugging, Erik Marlowe having a blessed day where every shot he takes seems to find the corners.

Jerrell Drake’s deviant tactics aside, he’s having great success in reviving Cranequin Wanderers, though one wonders if the revival comes too soon. There’s some optimistic talk from the northwest that his Satanic back three (ugh!) might struggle to deal with Stars’ strike partners, but in fact Stars’ sluggish defence struggles to deal with Grahn and Viere, who each pick up a goal with a luckless own goal from Alisara Crowe rounding out the scoreline. Corvette enjoy a 3-0 win over Diamondqueen at 41 minutes, then lose 4-3. Chardonnay have no such intrigue in smashing down Gonen’s Bridge’s door in a triumphant 5-1, and Cynthia Rayne celebrates her hat-trick by becoming Nephara’s first ever import to declare, in a slightly delirious post-match interview, the virtues of Nephara’s weather; “blessed, beautiful, wind-blasted, impeccably d r y.”

Raven River beat the Saints 4-1 four games ago; by the end of their ordeal hosting the nearby Moths, they’ve lost those past four games by an aggregate score of 16-0. That isn’t great. It’s a first start of the season for 32-year old striker Joan Vickers, and she rewards that with a brace; there’s also first goals of the season for Reach and Bellinger in a 6-0 shellacking, a well-rested Moths side in all. Taliadoros’ confidence is shot, there’s no adequate defensive partner for Lampshire (Turnbull gets his shot and one suspects there won’t be another for some time) and Zalzaria is injured, with Ruthers not up to it. And Leonard’s past it. It’s not… great. But it could be worse. Who else has lost all their games since the 4-1 win over the Saints? Well, the Saints; they lose another game 4-1 to a side that needs the confidence boost, conceding a brace to a player who needs the confidence boost, Fiona Norval, who has looked overawed by a brief in the top half of the table. Flat-track bullying Parrhesia into oblivion is perfect. 20-year old Ilia Mueller looks decent in midfield, and gets the Saints’ goal, but promoting a random child who wasn’t even in the first matchday squad of the year isn’t exactly a stroke of genius.

Chenoworth Rovers haven’t been the most consistent side this season. Mind, neither have Brinemouth. It’s always an occasion where something might happen, and that something winds up being a genuinely dreadful tackle on Kesteren that might rule him out for… for some time. It looked grisly. How the hell does Horvath stay on the pitch? With the away crowd screaming bloody murder, the home crowd march on, hold ranks - a couple brilliant last-minute tackles from Capradossi helping lead them out of danger - late strikes from Rowell and Paterson hand the Rovers a brilliant 3-1 win. And while the Saints have been having a miserable time of it, there’s more sunshine with the other promoted sides. Creed United show their steel in a visit to Crisisbless; Spahi Keskin gets sent off late on with a second booking against his hometown club, but there’s still time for a late, desperate cross from Wright to find the tall tower of Taani to nod almost casually past Na’Kefir, like that wasn’t a late winner while a man down while visiting a top side to keep a brilliant start going. Hopes aren’t quite as high for lowly Cranequin City, but Dan Keel masterminds a resilient, disciplined defensive display to keep out the unhinged talent of Corvistone, and veteran playmaker Lizzy Addison manages to chip a stranded Bryson Vilna from close enough to halfway for the only goal of the game.

Top faces bottom as an imperious Leichhardt (five goals conceded) host a dismal Dartmouth (five goals scored). It unfolded exactly as everyone expected, the Stargazers crushing them effortlessly 3-0. Belgrave smash Stahlburg Rovers by the same scoreline, Belgrave looking the Premiership team the dream of being, that Adalheid Metzelder certainly believes they are, but that they haven’t shown on nearly enough occasions. The other relegated sides, Corvette and Cranequin Wanderers, are also humbled by trips to Mantlegrove and Bishop respectively. Goodfeather’s win is the most convincing of all, however, looking stronger, faster, sharper and better than the Strongest in a 4-0 win. Shamefully, they can’t even muster a shot on target, Goodfeather’s diamond midfield choking the life out of their guests as Mizumaru dances happily on holding midfielder Theophile’s head as she chalks up a hat-trick of assists.

A strong start, with three wins and a draw from four. Athletic look less than inspired, and miss Tarala, who they left at home; but Ens still finds Salavat Caszely’s run well enough, in enough space to stroke home and beat Bandit. Brinemouth’s result is the most impressive, despite an early scare from Atteline Adedirdan putting the ball in the back of the net just seven minutes in… but a good half-step offside. Brinemouth weren’t so sloppy in defence again, and even with some sharp saves from Mitano, goals from Tidesson and Conjure were sandwiched by a brace from Saitou. Treason are pegged back by a characteristically clumsy but characteristically effective goal from Taranath Brar, while a late brace from Daniel Dostalok saves Starling against a Teussen inspired by young winger Lukas Tauscher, whose performance is dominant enough to immediately see him linked to the Passerines himself.

On paper, the match to watch is Treason against Crisisbless, but anyone chasing the obvious match gets burned badly as it’s the only scoreless match of the day. Instead of a match between flying wingers and excellent attacking fullbacks, Rauch and Bronte grind each other down to a stub in the centre of the pitch, though admittedly Na’Kefir is forced into a couple of spectacular close-range saves to deny Aristide Metzger. There’s plenty of narratives elsewhere. Chatswood visit Brinemouth, two sides who truly loathe each other after a number of charged last-day matches. At the hour mark, it’s 1-1; by the end Brinemouth are up by two goals and two men after the sheer number of cautions Chatswood have mounted up gets the better of them, and referee Martel Streiber, the country’s most respected, just gets sick of the whole damn thing. Well, not most respected by Chatswood manager Leigh Fletcher, apparently. “Streiber probably bursts into tears when birds eat worms in his garden,” Fletcher sniffs. “Nepharim football doesn’t need to give whistles to these milquetoasts.”

The Saints hang in for a long time against the Harriers, clinging to Bastia Fohler’s 33rd-minute strike, her first Premiership goal. They throw their bodies on the line. Misha Symond is sent off for a second yellow in the 72nd minute; the Harriers draw level in the 76th, through a stooping Whittaker header, before an unmarked Kou forces a great save from Spyrakis’ feet that ricochets straight back to her, and she slides it past at the second time of asking. Parrhesia have lost ten straight. Aries, the team they got their only non-defeat against - a scoreless draw on the first day - have made a habit of it, and Donath’s late sidefooted leveller inflicts the Chariots’ eighth draw of the season on them. A great away point for River, who set a record of 21 draws last season; that record may be in jeopardy. Incubus Stratton, given a chance in Southfell’s goal after the back-to-back 5-0 defeats, had a good start but is absolutely abysmal in a 5-1 defeat to Newrook City. As is, in fairness, the rest of the team. Ivan Hemeyer looks so old, suddenly, which is inconvenient because his backup, Kovach, is three years his senior. The Moths and Spiders rip chunks out of each other in a brilliantly entertaining match; Arora’s men keep charging upfield and keep getting gashed on the break by Canaan’s disciplined away side, but the sheer quality of Townsend nets her a late brace to salvage a point in a six-goal thriller.

Pillars against Serpentine seems another six-pointer. Gareth Penrooke’s revolution seems to have second-season syndrome, while Pillars would chew their hands off for a second season at all. Well, too bad for them. The Dragons have looked a little better of late, but it all clicks together today. More perspiration than inspiration in the first half, and almost no goalmouth action. That changes in the second, Lyndis doing what she’s paid for by wriggling past two men where there didn’t seem the space before rattling off the perfect pass for Alyssa Greening, who has seemed a touch overawed at this level, to sidefoot home; Dreider and Nanemoru finish the damage near the end, a perhaps flattering scoreline, but a deserved win. Meanwhile, what’s that cliche about derbies? Form books, windows, etc. Well,

The Cup kicks off, and there’s fireworks for people watching the right games. A lot of 1-0s and 0-0s, but Sirencall annihilate Camwell Road 8-1 away, Ox River pulverise Blaze 6-1, and Autumnstone and East Laithland share a 5-4 thriller that is the undoubted star turn of the round. Of the debuting teams, Besand’s Folly beat Gridlock 3-1 and Davenport edge Bodkin Road 1-0, while returning sides Aries Tigers (once Violence Tigers) take Downsparrow to extra time before succumbing to a goal that is probably offside, New Oakstone (once Mainstream Fist) edge out Rushe and Stekelenbright (a foundation Conference side) are battered 5-1 by Hartford Glade.

by **Nephara** » Wed Nov 20, 2019 5:06 am

No point burying the lede. Pace-setters Brinemouth host bottom-feeders Parrhesia, and look to be cruising. Slick passing move orchestrated by Conjure, Tidesson unmarked in box, 1-0. Cross from Close, dipping header from Kuznetsov beating Spyrakis at her near post, 2-0. 35 minutes gone. Cruisy. Then in the second half, Brinemouth still stroking the ball around casually, Rosborough stretches to flick an errant pass from Conjure (!) forward to the front. Reus gets there ahead of Morlock, slides it across to Barota, who returns the favour with a raking cross that Reus just about stretches a toe to, stabbing it past Bull. Her first goal of the season! Three minutes later, Barota’s blocked shot gives her a corner, she sends it to Bohr who heads it downwards into the scrum, Reus reacts quickest to bundle it over the line. Seven minutes later, Brinemouth starting to panic, an optimistic cross slung forward from Deventer is headed decisively clear by Bohr, Ward slips it to Rosborough who scythes a pass through the defence, Reus is suddenly clear of everyone, and just steers the ball gently around Bull to secure her hat-trick! The Saints immediately start time-wasting, cheating and throwing bodies on the line - a trifle too patient even now, Brinemouth can’t break through. They… remain top and bottom. Fortunately for the Dockers, Crisisbless come unstuck against a resilient Stahlburg City inspired by their vicious, battling midfield of Pearce, Brujah and Henry, and fail to take advantage. This means that Creed United, of all teams, have the chance to take top spot! They don’t, drawing 2-2 with the Harriers. But it’s not a bad result away from home, and third is a brilliant early outcome. Sabrefell Athletic beat a disjointed Newrook 3-1 to slip into the final CC place, while in the GC places, Starling consolidate by edging out Corvistone, Treason slip to Coret and the reflexes of Reinhard Lockwood, and North Laithland hammer River 3-0.

Sabrefell Moths will be disappointed to be outside that reckoning, more disappointed still to have been beaten 2-1 by a Cypher Town side that have started strongly, and their fans are incandescent that the winner was scored by Athletic product Andrea Bereveskos, who really let the away fans have it. Chatswood and the Chequers are happy enough to be in the middle of nowhere, Aries and Newrook rather less satisfied, while Coret and Corvistone have started absolutely dreadfully. Coret’s win, in fact, hauls them out of the relegation zone; Corvistone are in the playoff place, though Belfast is stalwartly standing by young guns Vilna, Almwood and (well, youngish) Lekea. Cranequin City beat Chatswood 2-1, away and outrageously against the run of play. 39% possession, three shots, two on target, both perfectly stabbed into the corners at close range from Hakan Gryspos, and a number of sprightly saves from Ledo. Still, they remain moored in the bottom three with River and the Saints. But this battle isn’t over yet.

Leichhardt are pegged back by Gonen’s Bridge, Casey Steward and Esmond Moore inflicting just the ninth and tenth goals Folami Adekoya has had to put up with, but with Ingrid Auttenberg’s nerveless late penalty they take a draw and keep five points clear at the top, elevated somewhat from the scrum underneath them. Just two teams have conceded fewer, and stunningly, no team has scored more. Indeed, Cranequin - who edge out Goodfeather 1-0 to take second - have scored almost half, 15 to their 29. Say what you will of Jerrell Drake’s back (ugh) three, it’s doing a job. Vermillion Wanderers have hit higher heights, but in getting massacred 3-0 by a woefully inconsistent Diamondqueen, also lower lows, with Chardonnay, South Laithland and Brookford Otters also in the hunt. Morningstar and Gonen’s Bridge will be pleased to be in the top half, as will Hackett. 11th-placed Hackett, on 17 points and -9 goal difference, who lost 10-1 to 12th-placed Diamondqueen, on 16 points and +10 goal difference. Yeah, so that’s something.

Just three points split Belgrave in 7th from Bishop in 18th, with Serpentine, unbeaten in four, a point further behind and giving themselves some breathing room with a cagey 1-0 win over Dartmouth, and Alliance, beaten by Hackett, just a point back further still. The bottom four are already looking at risk of being cut adrift. Pillars haven’t seemed to have the quality, Peregrine can at least boast a stunning 4-2 reversal of Belgrave but have otherwise haemorrhaged goals, The Strongest have looked, well, anything but (though they’ve scored as many goals as Cranequin), and Dartmouth have just five goals to their name. Five goals! It’s surprising enough they’ve stretched that out into seven points, but the true safety of 20th lies six points away.

West Brinemouth crest the table, remaining unbeaten thus far. Playmaker Hera Poxay is killing it at this level, and their near-impervious defence has conceded just five goals. Locksley also look strong, a 7-0 shellacking away at Coret a particular highlight, Heaton and Kreisburg mercilessly bullying the league. Some way behind, AFC Rochford are yet to fully click as a unit despite their status as overwhelming favourites, and stand shoulder to shoulder with blatant overachievers Southriver (who’d have thought Cyrus Saebener a world-beater?) and Stonegrave, who have scored just ten but conceded just seven, overcoming a poor start to win their past four without conceding. Just nine points split 5th from 21st, however.

Corinthians No Longer have sputtered rather than flared, and toothless Greygate and indecisive, draw-happy Crisisbless Athletic languish in the bottom half. Coret Rovers, Lazuli Diamonds, AFC Shale and Boltcroft Thorns are looking over their shoulders for the time being, but it’s unfancied Sheridan who currently occupy the relegation playoff place, the once-mighty side refusing to fall. For now. Most recently, they held the Gulls to a 1-1 draw thanks to a bushel of saves from geriatric goalkeeper Morgan. At the very bottom, already some teams seem to be cut adrift. Kommissar have lost their last five, most recently a 7-1 hammering by the Corinthian’ts, while Ballardine have semi-recovered after losing their first five, but still don’t look great. Brokenarch are still winless, and have scored just three goals; all three from veteran playmaker Sami Makela. Looks like their first 2Div season will take a while to have company.

Star Players: 35-year old Robin Seizter was a Premiership stalwart in his day, and the West Brinemouth anchor is flicking dicks at this level. Stonegrave’s entire back line of Owley, Smalt, Trent and Kennet deserve some attention, all with experience at higher levels, neither of the fullbacks even remotely interested in charging upfield. Kommissar are bad, but they’d be in a whole lot more trouble without the goals of Hansel Fortesquire, who looks liberated with the trust and prominence afforded him a step down from his old stomping grounds of Goodfeather.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               12  8  1  3  23  14   +9  25
  2 Crisisbless              12  7  3  2  23  10  +13  24
  3 Creed United             12  7  2  3  21  10  +11  23
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       12  7  2  3  27  17  +10  23
  5 Starling                 12  6  3  3  23  13  +10  21
  6 AFC Treason              12  6  3  3  20  10  +10  21
  7 North Laithland          12  5  6  1  24  15   +9  21
  8 Sabrefell Moths          12  5  3  4  28  14  +14  18
  9 Chenoworth Harriers      12  5  3  4  19  17   +2  18
 10 Vermillion Rage          12  4  5  3  20  13   +7  17
 11 Aries Chariots           12  3  8  1  14  11   +3  17
 12 Stahlburg City           12  4  4  4  16  16   +0  16
 13 Chatswood                12  5  1  6  14  14   +0  16
 14 Cypher Town              12  5  1  6  12  15   -3  16
 15 Newrook City             12  4  3  5  19  19   +0  15
 16 Crisisbless United       12  4  3  5  11  16   -5  15
 17 Southfell United         12  4  3  5  19  30  -11  15
 18 Chenoworth Rovers        12  3  4  5  11  17   -6  13
 19 North Sabrefell          12  3  4  5  12  19   -7  13
 20 Coret Hawks              12  3  3  6  15  22   -7  12
 21 AFC Corvistone           12  3  3  6  15  24   -9  12
 22 Cranequin City           12  3  2  7  11  21  -10  11
 23 Raven River              12  2  3  7  11  29  -18   9
 24 Parrhesia United         12  1  1 10   9  31  -22   4

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Leichhardt                12  9  2  1  29  10  +19  29
  2 Cranequin Wanderers       12  7  3  2  15   8   +7  24
  3 Vermillion Wanderers      12  7  2  3  23  11  +12  23
  4 Chardonnay Rangers        12  6  5  1  22  14   +8  23
  5 South Laithland           12  7  1  4  20  14   +6  22
  6 Brookford Otters          12  7  1  4  21  16   +5  22
  7 Belgrave                  12  5  3  4  23  17   +6  18
  8 Morningstar               12  5  3  4  14  18   -4  18
  9 Gonen's Bridge            12  5  3  4  14  19   -5  18
 10 Iron City                 12  5  2  5   8   8   +0  17
 11 Hackett                   12  5  2  5  13  22   -9  17
 12 Diamondqueen              12  5  1  6  27  17  +10  16
 13 Goodfeather FC            12  4  3  5  14  11   +3  15
 14 Stahlburg Rovers          12  4  3  5  21  19   +2  15
 15 Armstrong                 12  3  6  3  14  12   +2  15
 16 Corvette Maulers          12  4  3  5  16  15   +1  15
 17 Mantlegrove               12  4  3  5  11  11   +0  15
 18 Bishop                    12  4  3  5  11  15   -4  15
 19 AFC Serpentine            12  3  5  4  17  15   +2  14
 20 Alliance Barossia         12  4  1  7  13  21   -8  13
 21 Pillars of Southfell      12  2  4  6  11  20   -9  10
 22 Peregrine                 12  3  1  8  14  31  -17  10
 23 The Strongest             12  2  3  7  15  26  -11   9
 24 Dartmouth Terriers        12  2  1  9   5  21  -16   7

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 West Brinemouth            12  9  3  0  19   5  +14  30
  2 Locksley                   12  8  3  1  28  12  +16  27
  3 AFC Rochford               12  6  4  2  16   9   +7  22
  4 Southriver                 12  7  1  4  16  11   +5  22
  5 Stonegrave                 12  5  5  2  10   7   +3  20
  6 Barossia United            12  6  1  5  14  13   +1  19
  7 Aries Solitaire            12  5  3  4  18  11   +7  18
  8 Extreme Hills              12  4  6  2  18  15   +3  18
  9 Ritter Town                12  5  3  4  13  12   +1  18
 10 Falston United             12  5  3  4  13  13   +0  18
 11 Corinthians No Longer      12  4  5  3  21  15   +6  17
 12 The Hanged Man             12  4  5  3  14  12   +2  17
 13 Greygate                   12  4  5  3  11  10   +1  17
 14 Gosmouth Swans             12  4  4  4  16  16   +0  16
 15 Crisisbless Athletic       12  3  6  3  20  15   +5  15
 16 Riverkey                   12  4  3  5  13  15   -2  15
 17 Coret Rovers               12  4  2  6  14  19   -5  14
 18 Lazuli Diamonds            12  3  4  5  13  21   -8  13
 19 AFC Shale                  12  3  3  6  10  13   -3  12
 20 Boltcroft Thorns           12  2  5  5  13  18   -5  11
 21 Sheridan                   12  2  5  5   9  17   -8  11
 22 Kommissar                  12  1  4  7  14  26  -12   7
 23 Ballardine FC              12  1  4  7   8  21  -13   7
 24 Brokenarch                 12  0  3  9   3  18  -15   3

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Martella Jazz                12  8  3  1  25   7  +18  27
  2 Autumnstone                  12  7  5  0  22  12  +10  26
  3 Crossroads Town              12  7  3  2  20  12   +8  24
  4 Mapleford                    12  7  1  4  18  10   +8  22
  5 Kensey Town                  12  7  1  4  16  11   +5  22
  6 East Laithland Harriers      12  6  3  3  23  17   +6  21
  7 South Parrhesia              12  6  2  4  15  11   +4  20
  8 Long Lake                    12  5  3  4  13   9   +4  18
  9 Rochford Pilgrims            12  5  3  4  19  16   +3  18
 10 Hartford Glade               12  5  3  4  16  15   +1  18
 11 Iron United                  12  6  0  6  14  14   +0  18
 12 West Hook                    12  3  6  3   7   7   +0  15
 13 Caldwick Strand              12  4  3  5  14  16   -2  15
 14 Sirencall FC                 12  3  5  4  18  19   -1  14
 15 Strephonage                  12  4  2  6  18  20   -2  14
 16 Ingram Township              12  4  2  6  11  16   -5  14
 17 Brindleton                   12  3  5  4  13  20   -7  14
 18 Fully Sick XI                12  3  4  5  16  16   +0  13
 19 Downsparrow                  12  3  4  5  15  19   -4  13
 20 Sutcroft                     12  3  3  6  14  22   -8  12
 21 Ox River United              12  1  8  3  11  14   -3  11
 22 Sutcroft Athletic            12  2  5  5  18  30  -12  11
 23 Riverkey Shells              12  2  3  7  16  23   -7   9
 24 Falston Town                 12  0  3  9   7  23  -16   3

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crownsend Journey       12  8  2  2  23   8  +15  26
  2 Grovebank               12  7  4  1  20   8  +12  25
  3 Rushe United            12  6  4  2  27  15  +12  22
  4 Courser                 12  6  4  2  18  12   +6  22
  5 AFC Hellerine           12  5  4  3  21  12   +9  19
  6 Fenland Albion          12  5  4  3  14  10   +4  19
  7 Chenoworth Teutons      12  5  3  4  19  11   +8  18
  8 Stonesthrow Town        12  5  3  4  12   8   +4  18
  9 Ringway                 12  5  3  4  20  17   +3  18
 10 Iberia Chenoworth       12  5  2  5  17  20   -3  17
 11 FC Seierstad            12  5  1  6  11  14   -3  16
 12 Besand's Folly          12  4  3  5  14  16   -2  15
 13 Fischer                 12  4  3  5  13  16   -3  15
 14 Harrington              12  3  5  4  16  17   -1  14
 15 Lockheed Zenith         12  4  2  6  13  19   -6  14
 16 Boleyn Town             12  2  7  3  12  12   +0  13
 17 Camwell Road            12  3  2  7   7  20  -13  11
 18 Stekelenbright          12  2  4  6  19  29  -10  10
 19 Sleetwell Rangers       12  2  2  8  11  29  -18   8
 20 AFC Feuerweiss          12  1  4  7  12  26  -14   7

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin Souths          12  9  1  2  20  11   +9  28
  2 The Travellers FC         12  8  2  2  22   7  +15  26
  3 Brookford Vantablack      12  7  4  1  15   6   +9  25
  4 Twelvetrees               12  8  0  4  12   7   +5  24
  5 New Oakstone Phoenix      12  6  4  2  29  12  +17  22
  6 Brunyard FC               12  6  4  2  23  13  +10  22
  7 Northside Eagles          12  7  1  4  18  15   +3  22
  8 Corvistone City           12  5  4  3  15   6   +9  19
  9 AFC Davenport             12  6  1  5  12  13   -1  19
 10 Blaze                     12  5  3  4   9  14   -5  18
 11 AFC Volksgarten           12  5  2  5   9  13   -4  17
 12 Bodkin Road               12  5  1  6  18  14   +4  16
 13 Rookwall                  12  4  4  4  11  11   +0  16
 14 Gridlock                  12  3  4  5   9  10   -1  13
 15 AFC Burchess              12  3  3  6   9  14   -5  12
 16 Brookway Town             12  1  6  5  10  18   -8   9
 17 Constance Park            12  2  2  8   7  21  -14   8
 18 Markoni                   12  2  1  9   8  28  -20   7
 19 Aries Tigers              12  1  3  8  13  23  -10   6
 20 Stamper Road              12  2  0 10   7  20  -13   6

by **Nephara** » Mon Nov 25, 2019 5:53 am

The only side to fail to win last time is the only side to win here; that’s AFC Treason, dominating a disappointing Laketown, as partners in crime Metzger and Fletcher bash and crash their way through the Taeshani low block in a 3-0 win orchestrated by Ferena Rauch’s best performance to date. That doesn’t necessarily mean other performances were poor, and a resilient Starling hold out firmly against RCU, clinging to Annika Netzach’s spectacular (if slightly deflected) lofted strike, a late leveller breaking hearts but not spirits. It remains a good point. Goalkeeper Celeste Fahrenthold is Arlington’s hero despite two concessions, one to a penalty and one letting a weak shot from Conjure trickle between her legs. Still, the seven saves she does chalk up are sometimes truly spectacular, and Arlington make not-quite-the-most of a disjointed Dockers’ defence to snatch a deserved 2-2 draw. Athletic are the only team to lose, with their former defender Balduin Friedel imperious for the Pirates, Seyda Artin setting up the fresh forward Bear for a straightforward winning finish.

Stahlburg is where it’s at if you want goals. Seven in all! Nowhere else came within one this week. And Coret Hawks scored them all, strolling to victory against the Smiths, 3-0 up within 20 minutes and from there the hosts completely lose it. Mifsud lunges in homicidally on Caracole and walks for it. Isabella Shi is booked, then booked again in quick succession for dissent, and in the second half, Kresimir Brujah totally loses it after Kasmeer Jewell comes off the bench to score with her first touch, celebrating wildly. Brujah, sprawled out after a failed block, spitefully grabs her by the ankle and drags her to the ground. The game’s nearly abandoned after the resulting brawl but the referee manages to restore calm, and Brujah walks. Jewell strikes again before Kasmiir and Crowford put the finishing touches on, again, yes, the 7-0 away win. North Sabrefell put together how that level of dominance looks without that level of man-advantage, practically walking over a disjointed Newrook in a 3-0 win through a Laramee brace and a Simone Cheney header. Someone does get sent off, but it’s Newrook manager Andreu Bartolnicci, whipping the fourth official with his scarf in frustration after a supposed goal from Wardenier is flagged offside, chasing him across the touchline until stewards intervene.

Elsewhere, Parrhesia are on a hot streak. Taking a point back from Cranequin City after a scoreless draw? That’s two unbeaten in a row, baby! Radu Bartok impressed in goal, but Sigrun Barota was left to kick herself after missing a far-post sitter in injury time. Cypher won another relegation six-pointer, essentially a similar game. River dominated the ball, but couldn’t seriously test Stefan Ledo through his terracotta-clad meat. Addison managed a pass her countryman, opposing manager Eoin Killannen, would have been proud of to give Gemmill, an SPL veteran herself, the opening to strike home the winning goal. Creed United hit their glass ceiling, or at least that would be the theory had they not already dismantled a number of top sides. In that context, a 2-0 home surrender to Brinemouth in which they barely ever had a sniff is a crushing disappointment. The major Sabrefell sides host those of Crisisbless, and while Athletic cruise to a 3-0 win over United with a brilliant performance from 21-year old winger Westerveld, the Moths are outfoxed at the death by Cassiopeia Quintero’s last-minute intervention, threading the gaps in their defensive block as the Moths press for the win and hammering the difference past the helplessly exposed Griffin.

For ninety minutes it becomes very difficult to remember that Alliance were, in fact, promoted from fourth place in 2Div. With the recent changes to roll out the playoff across all the professional leagues, that isn’t even a guaranteed promotion anymore. Yet the other promoted sides all lose at home without scoring. A cynical Hackett outwit the guileless Strongest with a delightful finish from Delta Amberstone securing a 1-0 win, Dartmouth are just dominated by the Paladins who are just better than them in every way all over the park with a Poppey brace all that’s required, and Pillars are destroyed 3-0 by… well, by Alliance, even without Kristian Non scoring. Their key forward limps off after half an hour with a knock sustaineda after a clash with the thuggish Muslin, but Jeweler, Stubbs and Non’s replacement, Jonas Busch, all score in the second half with Markus Rose pulling off some stellar saves to keep the clean sheet.

Ah, the Classic. When Brinemouth and Treason dust off and face each other, the nation stops whatever they’re doing to watch. Pity this just isn’t much of a spectacle, on a fairly dreary matchday overall. Brinemouth dominate possession, winning 63% of the ball, but all their slick passing just never quite gets past Treason’s defensive bulwark. Bittencourt takes the prudent decision of adding Saturn Mastiff, an unglamorous 29-year old box-to-box player, to bulk up a three-man central midfield, sacrificing striker Fletcher. The fans don’t like it, and there’s talk of it being a surrender, but the only goal of the game comes after Conjure jinks past Jonsson but gets blindsided by the tireless Mastiff, the ball running for Va’Afaja to slide to McInnes, McInnes to cross - neither Metzger nor Windtide get to it, Bull is stranded - a single bounce before it’s met with a diving header from Raquel Accardi cutting in from the other flank, looping beyond a sprawling Bull. Brinemouth have a credible penalty shout near the end waved away, and in the 91st minute, a lightning strike from Tidesson lashes against the crossbar with Clavel well beaten. Even so, the Stags are delighted with the win, no matter how ugly it was to get it.

Vermillion’s the place to go for goals; it’s derby season! The Rage have been pretty good all season, the Saints have… not. Former Saint Ramona Porter opens the scoring just nine minutes in, blazing past Parrhesia captain Symond on the inside track before dummying the callow Bartok into falling over and rolling into an empty net. Parrhesia fight back credibly, and a towering header from Telviir evens the scores on the half-hour mark. But there’s never the sense they’ll see it through, even on home soil, with a rather fragile quality to their play. The gates fall in in the second half, Anastasiadis, Katarec and Konse finishing the job. Corvistone also lose 4-1, an awful season thus far only getting worse, captain Krista Morham (who is Not That Kind Of Player) getting sent off for dissent in the wake of an Ens goal that she was convinced was offside (it wasn’t) to make it 2-1 in the 70th, with Coltrane and Westerveld making the best of the gaps in the time remaining, inexperienced goalkeeper Bryson Vilna arguably able to do better with both.

And after last time around, the promoted sides all get to play one another; Alliance yet again assert their primacy with a 2-0 win over Dartmouth, still missing the mildly injured Non, but the Strongest mount a late comeback masterminded by Laegjarn Martyn to beat Pillars. High-flying Vermillion Wanderers aren’t really expecting to come unstuck against a mediocre Mantlegrove who have just eleven goals so far this season, but Cantra Duprey smashes home twice to double her tally for the season, both set up by partner in crime Kikumi Kondou, before Amerill Londe hammers home from outside the box. Venator between the posts had barely anything to do. South Laithland lose a second straight, this time to a hungry Chardonnay, while Belgrave and Bishop rip chunks out of each other in a thrilling, pulsating 4-3 away win for the Crisisbless side. Belgrave’s defence is awful. Laura Belfry’s injury has cost them a lot, Naess is cooked, Kinsey is inexperienced and Connell’s confidence is shot.

A great day to be Nepharim, all four clubs winning. Athletic stroll through Banija despite a disastrous PR move from Bryony Westerveld, attempting to endear herself to the locals by mentioning her three girlfriends in a press conference which is just one crucial pronoun away from being a good call on those shores; still, her cross to enable Tarala’s header is perfect, Gere and a rare goal from centre-half Graciano Farina getting them across the rest of the way. Brinemouth and Treason just about edge their opponents at home, but there’s rather less intrigue in a dominant performance from Starling. Megabrantid might have hoped for some Nepharim guile and stability from their recent signing of Cressida Gayle from Sabrefell Moths, maybe hoped she’d feel nice and at home on these shores, but she is bluntly terrible in a 5-0 Starling win.

Treason flex their muscles as Cranequin City, tragically, rely on a stellar but doomed defensive effort to keep them in the game at the Gauntlet. It works for 39 minutes, before their normally ice-cold, incredibly reliable goalkeeper, Ledo, flaps at a cross from Lysistrata Carter in her first Premiership start and takes it into the direct path of a stunned Felix Sebastian, making his. Sebastian is highly thought of at the club, and nets another in the second half as the Terracotta Army are caught desperately between their conservative defensive instincts and their need for a goal, and ultimately can’t satisfy either instinct in a 5-0 hammering. They’ve definitely been better than some nay-sayers have predicted, but has their quality really been up to scratch?

That sets the tone for a round where things largely go as expected. Sabrefell Athletic lead the way, cruising to a 6-0 win over Chenoworth Rovers. The Harriers get to feel smug, holding the Moths to a scoreless draw across town. Starling make heavy weather of hosting Parrhesia United, resting Dostalok and Armstrong and nearly paying the price. Sitting on a 1-0 lead for most of the game looks all well and good until a rapid counterattack, a sweeping diagonal from former Starling player Symond all the way to Barota on the left wing, Barota finding substitute Teris on the other flank, the Schottic neatly firing home her first Premiership goal… that makes things interesting. For three minutes, before Nova Kymeri clips a ball over the top, the Saints’ marking melts away and the opportunistic Vanna Pearce opens her account at this level. Crisisbless come from behind to beat North Laithland 4-2 in a dominant second half performance, struggling Corvistone and Coret secure good away wins of their own to climb higher, while Cypher Town are denied at the last in a thrilling 3-2 defeat in Aries, a strike from Seamster smashing the inside of both posts before resting just inside the net.

Bishop aren’t usually the most thrilling team to follow, but they’re involved in a second consecutive 4-3 away win. Sadly for them, this time they’re hosting in the Crisisbless Christian Denomination Minority Derby, as nobody calls it, the Catholics in black hosting the Protestants, Goodfeather, in green and white. Bishop’s divine inspiration manifests through Swabia Rademacher, but there’s little an uncaring God can do about the shaky Alistair Swepstone in goal, or about Deshawn Ierardi, a stalwart defender who is transparently being pushed exactly one season too far. It’s 4-1 at the hour mark, but a red card for Aviston swings the door open again, and a quickfire brace of strikes from Rademacher, given too much of the resulting space, adds intrigue. There’s still time for a scrambling double save from Anya Beraht to deny Jensen and Huyton in quick succession, before Jensen misses a sitter to kill off their chances. Dartmouth Terriers decide to try out the whole ‘scoring goals’ lark, though God knows the Strongest give them plenty of room. Klaus Breisgau makes a storming return from injury with a brace, having been badly missed, while closer to the other end entrusting the veteran Gideon Muller with a start over Macellan pays serious dividends.

The second round of the Cup often has the most disparity, and fun things happen when teams of plumbers, carpenters and uni students go ninety minutes in the ring with polished professionals from 1Div. There’s big hopes when Chardonnay Rangers host Iberia Chenoworth, for example, 1Div high-fliers against the side that once lost 13-0 on this stage. Sadly the result is ‘just’ 5-1, with Luna Nsereko basically untouchable and unlucky to only get two goals. Weirdly, there’s three other occurences of the same scoreline, as Ox River pulp Stamper Road, Alliance crush Besand’s Folly, and Solitaire dispatch the Fully Sick XI. Harrington are a Conference West foundation side. They have spent the last 22 seasons there. So they’ll at least be grateful for the headlines as Lazuli Diamonds cream them 8-0, former Premiership journeyman striker Niko Boldman filling his boots with four. There are a few rather more tightly contested affairs, and the best match is undoubtedly Goodfeather hosting high-flying Leichhardt. Three times do the Quakers pull in front; three times do the grizzled Stargazers, including a breakthrough performance from Emil Klempner, pull back. The Schottic striker’s the hero in the 90 minutes with a brace, but entrusted with the first penalty, puts it too close to Goodfeather’s ancient backup goalkeeper, Summersteen; not to worry, as four nerveless team-mates, and two wholesale misses from Waldau and Godwin, bail him out and see the team through.

Sabrefell Moths haven’t been the most consistent this season. Truthfully, they look a little old, and tired, which isn’t what you’d expect from a team lacking UICA football this season. Brinemouth, frankly, expect to stormroll them, which we know because Morena Deventer tells the local press that “we’re gonna steamroll them.” Better news comes through, too, that the Moths are missing Claudio Romano through an injury sustained in training, and Hamilton and Fejzuli are also out. And yet, the Moths take the kick-off and do what they always do; drive forward, Vickers to Vol, Vol down the flank to Townsend, Townsend to Haines, Haines with a raking diagonal ball, Vickers taking a shot that caroms off Windtide (Brinemouth’s first touch of the game!) and Reach finding her way onto it, unmarked, and picking out the top corner. Eighteen seconds in. The Dockers never recover, though a sterling defensive effort staunches the bloodflow. Robert Griffin’s needed to save the day a couple times at the other end, but late strikes from Townsend and Vickers put a deserved gloss on the scoreline. “We’re back,” Solara Vol announces to the press with a grin on her face.

Crisisbless beat the shit out of Cypher Town, a side who have done quietly well but just completely go to pieces for whatever reason. Andrea Vardalos’ solid 7/10 players, guys like Caspar Madine and Marika Brind, go to pieces when Crisisbless unleash Kurtis Laiota, currently leading the way as ultimate shithouse of the league. 26, uncapped and having apparently outwrestled a slowing, shark-jumped Airik Ruhl. He’s kind of the darkside version of Solara Vol, who literally everyone likes. He scores a brace in a 5-0 win. Elsewhere, another rising star is emerging in Radu Bartok. Angela Spyrakis lost her place between the posts for the Saints, arguably harshly, for her inability to deal with crosses. Well, Bartok’s not much better at it, but he’s a weirdly futsal kind of goalkeeper who flings himself at everything and aggressively protects his box, and is more than comfortable with the ball at his feet. He’s the real hero as the Saints claw a scoreless draw with Southfell. Crisis clubs Corvistone and Newrook clash, but there’s unfortunately no fireworks on the touchline. Though there is the sense that the Napoleon-complex of Bartolnicci is fuming under the titan Belfast, and things almost kick off when a goal from Ocokoljic is ruled out for handball. He goes one better just seven minutes later, though, spinning past two defenders and practically giving Wynder whiplash before striking past Maria Kovacic, who just gets fingers to it. Belfast may have been the world’s best defender for a while, but as a manager, he’s under pressure.

Another damaging defeat for Brookford, who are seeing yet another promotion-potential squad slip between their fingers. Okay, it doesn’t help that Granit Nizarut has been a bust and Ulysses Mithradates has fallen off a cliff, Rivan has been overawed and… really, only young guns Satara Brand (who even here against Morningstar centres suicidally in front of her goal to let Roxanna Strong drive home the opener) and Lavinia Riitsi are doing much for themselves. Giannou scuffs a clearance straight to Strong, who bemusedly slots home the winner. Morningstar have looked very good this season, very organised under Camberwell, and in truth they deserved the win even if their finishing was bad enough to need their chances spoonfed to them. Iron City expose more weaknesses in Bishop, who continue to haemorrhage goals this time without scoring them in a 3-0 defeat. Tireless Cosumarite striker Athena Haagensen is doing a lot to silence her critics. South Laithland receive the biggest shock of the round, though, having no answer to the pace of Mantlegrove who “swarm like locusts”, as captain Gerhard Hartmuth laments after the match; the Southrons actually score first, a towering de Naam header converting a corner, but second-half strikes from Crow, Foster and Kondou establish a scoreline that doesn’t at all flatter the impressive Dryads.

More strong performances. Go Nephara! Hoima play significantly better away than they do at home, but the issue is that Athletic play significantly better at home as well, so it basically works out the same way. It’s a return from Mark Grayson, former North Sabrefell manager, and Chase Rushden, who has played at exactly two clubs; Brinemouth and Hoima. He makes a brilliant sprawling save early on, and then looks all of his 36 years failing to rush (heh) out to meet a through-ball from Gere that Tarala finds and guides home. Mzukisi Nzo thunders home a strike off the underside of the crossbar that gets a few appreciative cheers, and the young midfielder winds up with the MOTM award, but second-half hammer-blows from Gere and Tarala get the job done. Brinemouth are cagey with a classic away performance, not their usual type, a towering header from Magnozzi off a Kesteren free kick getting the job done, while Treason and Hisar beat the shit out of each other, a striker’s duel between Yusuf Akman and John Fletcher. Issue is, Fletcher has help from Accardi and Jonsson to finish the job. Starling, meanwhile, suffer a reverse in the SRS, Cressida Gayle making up for last time and Ozol Gebara orchestrating the play from the left wing in a 3-2 Megabrantid win. Margin of 1, margin of 5; it’s three points either way. But this time the scoreline flatters Starling somewhat, both their goals in the last twenty minutes with the game mostly gone, though Corvalan nearly finishes the fluky comeback with a free header that shaves the crossbar. Justice is done with the miss.

Obvious candidate to watch is Starling’s visit to Treason, and, okay, that’s one muscular and defensive side against a team that dominates possession but struggles to put it in the net. So obviously it’s an insane 5-3 win, right? It’s pretty clear early on that this isn’t quite going to be the highest-quality match in the world, both sides pressing the other into uncharacteristic mistakes; while Jonsson ‘just’ misplaces a pass (unthinkable!) Starling’s early fuck-up proves more fatal, the ordinarily extraordinary Christian Berg taking a heavy touch on a pass back from Castor, turning away from the charging Fletcher only to run into the charging Metzger, and the two strikers literally sandwich him as they sweep the ball away, Metzger drawing Smordal into a desperate charge before centring for Jonsson to sidefoot home with ease. Goals from McInnes and Accardi from either flank rack up a scoreline that doesn’t really reflect the game, and a heavy cross from Castor cannons off opposing leftback Va’Afaja’s hip on its way past Clavel to make it 3-1 on the verge of half-time. And then, in the 45th+3rd minute out of two minutes of stoppage time, Very Definitely Starling’s Last Attack, Valentine Roxel shapes to shoot (no! Pass! everyone screams), does shoot and finds the top corner in a beautiful arc. Clavel’s dive was for show. But in this Sisyphean match, there will be no joy for Starling; Vornander heads home a corner to make it 4-2, and when an Armstrong penalty (at the second time of asking; the first is beaten away by Clavel, but he’d blatantly encroached before the whistle) brings the Passerines back into it, a routine header from John Fletcher pushes them back out.

There’s another protracted goalfest in Lindmark, North Laithland coming out the worse of a seven-goal thriller. Missing Kou through injury, the Harriers shift Sigrun Rivers to the right. She just keeps cutting inside Kendrick and shooting, and it just keeps working! He’s just turned 31, and it’s harsh but the rightback might be done at this level. These being the Spiders, they have a random 21-year old local to take the baton, who ends up getting substituted on at half-time; Croxteth and Roberts pull 3-1 back to 3-3, the Spiders are suddenly dramatically in front, and then Jaan overuses his satyr manpower to haul Marconi to the floor for a penalty that Stensholt calmly dispatches to secure the win. A weirdly cagey Southfell keeps Creed’s slump going, Roanne Fairfax rifling home just their second goal in three matches, but Aldous has kept clean sheets in all of them. Mind, Creed didn’t exactly give him much to worry about. Meanwhile, if one really needed evidence besides her weird hybrid accent that Rathskeller had basically become Cosumarite, one had only to look at a 3-2 win for Newrook City. Nygard’s winner had shades of offside, and Rathskeller stormed over to the referee and made box-shapes in her face. She got booked for her trouble, but uh… there’s no VAR in this league, sweetie. No dice. And it was onside, regardless.

Leichhardt have been seemingly unstoppable this season, rock-solid at the back, tough as hell in midfield, Irene Vintner probably the best defensive midfielder in the league (hell, would she have done better than the jaded Spahi Keskin over the past few matches, after being sold for refusing to stay in his shadow?) and in Ernie Stevenson and Ingrid Auttenberg, Christ alive, they finally have goals. But Stevenson’s supreme confidence has its limits. In a visit to South Laithland, just seven minutes in, the sliding doors moment of the game arrives; Vintner wrests the ball from the aging Natasha, hands it off snappily to Loxton who drives a sweeping forward ball that cuts through the Southrons’ defence, on their heels, Stevenson streaks through, Hartmuth rushes out, Stevenson chips him… high, too high, oh God it’s hit the crossbar and Pike’s got back in time to smash the ball away. It’s stupid to say that if he’d just lashed it, he’d automatically have scored, but plenty say that anyway, and in any case the Southrons kick the Stargazers’ heads in for the rest of the game as Habane, Youabian and Michail seal a 3-0 win.

There’s scoreless draws and there’s scoreless draws. Subtle distinction, but one any Proper Football Man™ knows well, in one phrasing or another. Coret Hawks against Crisisbless? That’s one of the former. A more stable Hawks side of late is still well-marshalled by Koller and the evergreen Constantini at the back, Kasmiir and Bezemer an effective shield, with Nikolaidis thrown in for good measure against the Heelers. It works, but it’s a tight, tense battle, which feels like a goal could come at any moment from either Crisisbless’ skilled attacking midfield trident or from Dragan Stavanger suddenly happening to some luckless defender. It doesn’t, but it’s an engaging watch. Meanwhile, Cranequin City 0-0 Raven River is… is… yeah, that was always gonna happen. The resistable force meets the movable object with a damp squelch. Diane Hateley gets sent off for calling the referee a cunt. Whatever.

Tim Maitfield’s Crisisbless United have attracted almost no attention this season, but one suspects that’s just how he likes it. As the white and blue of Chenoworth Rovers host his red and black Chequers, attention is on firebrand Rovers manager Catheline Harper and her training-ground scuffle with Belaskita Skalak, a source close to the club snitching that Skalak felt dissatisfied with the lack of training. The Rovers’ players might be better than United’s - or roughly as good, though the ‘too good to go down’ card is distinctly overplayed - but they’re able to be picked apart by a weirdly patient United side, and one with surprising strength in depth as Andrya Novkovic comes off the bench to stroke home the winner, set up beautifully by the talismanic Lukas Antelmi. All together, it just… works, and they’re defying predictions of a relegation battle this season. The Rovers are not.

Just two teams manage to score more than two goals, as most matches end with three total. Leichhardt redeem their 3-0 home defeat with a 3-0 away win; night and day. “Proving, I think, that we can move on from that debacle last time around,” says Lara Winter in her world-weary glass-chewing Barossia accent. “We’ll draw a line and move on.” Mind, it does say a lot that losing a match without scoring is a traumatic aberration, and not just, like, how life goes. South Laithland follow up one 3-0 win with another, crunching Vermillion Wanderers into their glass ceiling. The Wanderers have looked good this season, the Southrons somewhat inconsistent, but it’s clear on this match, at least, who the better team is. Clear as well that, no, Natasha is not past it and, yes, Simone Waehner (dragooned in through injury) is. Corvette expose Cranequin’s weakness to being hit on the break, and Jennifer Betancourt in particular finds her way through the gaps in the Wanderers’ sinful formation in a 2-1 win, but remain floundering, while crap teams Petegrine and the Strongest pick up vital wins.

The work is pretty much done. Athletic stroll past Bandarwangsa, Brinemouth overcome an early concession to break down Pascal in the second half. Namiri are resolute in defence, and a home draw against Treason is a pretty good result, but… they really needed a win. Still, they absolutely managed to shut down the game here, and deserved at least the point from a dire, dire match. Teussen almost basically do the same thing against the Passerines, but a spark of inspiration from rightback Amalie Asghar, not usually the position you look to to break open matches with a deft flick of the outside boot, sets up Netzach to smash home the only goal of the game.

After a brilliant start, Creed are on four defeats in a row and sliding out of sight. North Sabrefell are beatable hosts, still not entirely looking comfortable without their grand general in Blackwood (who today oversees a straightforward 3-0 rout in Cypher). Orban is fretting with being in his shadow; similarly, is Cheney in Wolff’s shadow? Is Maersk in Roxel’s? Actually, no, she’s been their best player. But others have a lot to prove, particularly when a straightforward cross slung in by Conway is headed home by Portia Taani, who nobody can get near, to put the Oathmen 1-0 up in fifteen minutes. After seven more, it’s 2-0; Conway swings in a shot himself, Daunten could have done better, a couple enterprising souls start to boo. Oh, how little they know… 2-1, Montag free kick. 2-2, Montag is pulled far wide and seemingly out of danger, but sets up Cheney with a looping cross. 3-2, Kranevitter. 4-2, Laramee. 5-2, Maersk; can half-time come soon enough? No, referee Reeve Charlton refuses to be merciful, and that’s apparently handy for Creed when Conrad’s strike forces a sharp save, stinging Daunten’s palms, out for one last corner. Barbarouses loops it high, Brehanu nods it down for fellow veteran centre-half Rodrigues to smash home. 5-3 leading into half-time. Game on!

Laramee, 6-3, game off. Fifty minutes in, she’s taken off, with a sardonic bow to a crowd that laps it up. It’s over even before Agamemnon Wright gets sent off, a bad challenge on Polacek that makes the fiery leftback get to his feet and grab him by the collar, at which point Wright spits in his face. They’re done, but it’s still 7-3 when Montag drives home her second, dabbing. Weirdly, Creed pull one back, Kastriot falling over to let Barbarouses slip in Conrad to score and there’s an odd desperate feeling that maybe they can actually do this, but they can’t, as substitute Lothar Zander - a Creed youth product who got here via Azurea of Velestria - drives home into the corner of the net from the corner of the box and has no particular intentions to hold off celebration. So… yeah. Elsewhere, River edge Vermillion 1-0 as Lauren Beridze plays her skin out, actually adding a goal to her excellent all-round game for once, the normally reliable Loris Aldous breaks a run of excellent form by doing his hometown club a favour, fumbling a weak shot from Brujah into the net to give Stahlburg City a 1-0 win in a drab match, while the actual big-ticket clashes of Athletic vs. Treason and the Moths vs. Starling end in 1-1 draws.

There’s a… a lot of clean sheets, or… whatever… no, okay, look, this is a boring round where nothing happens.

The Premiership sides join the party. The joy of the Cup from the big sides’ perspective is that AFC Treason losing in extra time to Cranequin City is nowhere near the round’s biggest upset, in a round where a Sheridan side careening towards the fourth tier counterpunch a horribly disjointed Newrook City, Henna Morgan rolling back the clock on her 40th birthday, Callum Chandler somehow imperious in midfield despite his opposite number being a Cosumar international, Couturiaux, with Trinity Plantagenet doing the business one-on-one with Gilzean in extra time. Bishop hold on for dear life against Crisisbless. Expecting little, Cheney Rutherford’s rested a number of key players, but the stand-ins all play out of their skins. Young, thrilling winger Esther Vorster takes on and triumphs over Zwayer on the inside, firing low and hard; Szarbach beats it down, but Holden Beckwith wrestles past Teffeteller to thump home. Stocky goalkeeper Frey Strom weathers the whirlwind at the other end, particularly in a taxing second half, to secure the win, and the midfield of Best and Asquith (who have been Rutherford’s first chioce) manage to mostly stem the tide in midfield as Bishop unapologetically put ten behind the ball. North Sabrefell come close to getting scalped, too, as a patient side trying to become faster is matched by Vermillion Wanderers, a quick side trying to become more patient. The Wanderers play better, and Simone Cheney’s unmarked strike in the 23rd minute is matched a searing strike from Catric Pinnon in the 30th, but neither side can quite find the finishing touch. It comes down to penalties, and Bohemians’ homegrown shot-stopper Marnid Volland becomes the hero with two strong saves. Starling rest basically their entire best XI, because, well, they’re hosting a 2Div side and they have more important things at hand. And then teenage dynamo Traudl Mrdja skins Paterson and almost diffidently slides the ball past Romola Carolan for the only goal of the game, seeing Rochford through, Georgia Petrie making some brilliant late saves as the Owls stand resolute in the late stages. West Brinemouth, another very strong 2Div side, beat Chenoworth Rovers through a stooping header from stumpy Audioslav striker Guegan. Sabrefell Athletic, for their part, seem to attract a lot of Third Round dumpings. Is that confirmation bias, perhaps? In any case, they’re outplayed by Brinemouth and lose 2-0. Vermillion are dumped out by a Creed side trying to recapture their early form, Crisisbless United fall flat against Chatswood, and Chenoworth Harriers can’t find a way past Cypher’s Ruo Xiaolan, vindicating Andrea Vardalos’ rejection of the ‘Cup goalkeeper’ concept.

This is apparently a week for the humble 1-1 draw, a scoreline that accounts for precisely half the matches this round. The Chariots may no longer be on pace to beat River’s recent record for the most draws, but they still take just the one point from the floundering Chenoworth Rovers. Parrhesia are bailed out by Radu Bartok and a late, deserved equaliser from Adraan Telviir in a visit Crisisbless United will feel they could have taken more from. Cranequin City and Cypher Town, well, they were always going to cancel each other out. Neither side begrudges the point but both would have loved more. Creed United draw Newrook in a match that probably counts as recovery after the trauma of shipping 8 to the Spiders (who lose 3-1 to Vermillion, resting on their laurel). Stahlburg City do well to hold back Sabrefell Athletic on the strength of a Voegel half-volley, and are only heartbroken by a very late Tarala leveller, while Southfell and the Moths, both willdy inconsistent all season, cancel each other out.

Of the other games, there’s enough to say. Brinemouth against Crisisbless is the obvious uppercard, if that’s a thing, two top-class performing sides firing perfectly. The seeds are sown for the Dockers’ win during the first half, one where the veterans Soederquist and Conjure just exploit all the gaps, and the slightly disjointed Abylon and Luhukay (with Maeve Bronte injured and badly missed) unable to come near them. In the second half, Kesteren and Deventer get the goals, and Airik Ruhl gets sent off for throwing the fourth official’s board at countryman Bryger Tidesson for… reasons unknown, honestly. He’s not the only misbehaving striker. Hadrian Belfast exuded authority as a player, but things might be starting to fall apart at Corvistone. 1-0 down against Chatswood, Belfast calls for misfiring striker Warrington to come off for creaking veteran Afolayan. Warrington makes it to the technical area, seething with rage… only to take the fourth official’s board, snap it across his knee and bellow “THE BABA DOES NOT RUN” directly into the closest pitch-side mic, deafening the entire country. Belfast is too pre-occupied arguing with the referee not to send Warrington off to actually enforce the substitution, and in the chaos, Warrington stays on; two minutes later, he’s flicked home a header off a Ulreich’s cross, and five minutes after that the pair link up again, Warrington heel-flicking over a charging Williams to make it 2-1. “I was just testing his resolve,” says Hadrian Belfast post-match with enough conviction one can almost come close to very nearly believing him.

Unsurprisingly, Vorster and Beckwith - stars against Crisisbless - march out against Dartmouth, and each scores in a narrow 2-1 victory. On the east coast, someone throws a cod at Andrea Betancourt. Yeah, it’s… not going well there. The cod is thrown in the dying embers of what looks to be a defeat against Iron City, but Sloane Walsh comes off the bench to salvage a point for the Otters. Still, it’s not what one would hope for as a home result against a mediocre team. Betancourt tries to be dignified and resolute post-match, but it’s hard with the residual fish juices giving her hair an oily gloss. One newspaper, meanwhile, reports the ‘stat’ that Vermillion’s scoreless streak of three games (most recently a dire 1-0 defeat to Serpentine) has coincided with a dry run of goals for star striker Kovaleski. Like… yeah, no shit?

Lionel Mah’s job is probably being saved by his DIT results, and in particular his Pirates being Athletic’s kryptonite. Teenagers Jackson and Uster open proceedings in the first half, and just two minutes after a brilliant solo goal from Gere injects some intrigue back into the tie, captain Goncalves slams the door with a thunderous free kick. History repeats in Brinemouth, the same 2-2 scoreline, Fahrenthold again making a string of brilliant saves and one clanger, fumbling a cross from Deventer into Kuznetsov’s path for the opening goal. Treason beat Laketown comfortably without truly dominating them, and Starling manage a staggering 4-1 win over RCU, unheralded Annika Netzach running the show and Daniel Dostalok untouchable in attack.

Group B

  Group B                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts                      
1 Willox Street Pirates          6   5  0  1   15   6  +9   15    —   3–1  2–0  6–1
2 Sabrefell Athletic             6   4  0  2   12   6  +6   12   1–2   —   3–1  3–0
3 Hoima Warriors                 6   3  0  3    9   8  +1    9   2–0  0–3   —   4–0
4 Bandarwangsa Bandit FC         6   0  0  6    2  18 −16    0   1–2  0–1  0–2   —

Group C

  Group C                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts                      
1 Brinemouth                     6   4  2  0   14   6  +8   14    —   2–2  2–1  4–0
2 Arlington City                 6   2  3  1   12  10  +2    9   2–2   —   1–0  2–2
3 Atlético Augusta               6   2  0  4    8   8   0    6   0–1  1–3   —   3–0
4 Pascal Mashu                   6   1  1  4    7  17 −10    4   1–3  3–2  1–3   —

Group E

  Group E                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts                      
1 AFC Treason                    6   4  2  0   11   3  +8   14    —   2–0  1–1  1–0
2 Laketown Rangers               6   3  0  3    9  10  −1    9   0–3   —   3–1  3–0
3 Namiri Forest                  6   2  2  2    8   7  +1    8   0–0  3–1   —   3–1
4 Hisar FK                       6   1  0  5    5  13  −8    3   2–4  1–2  1–0   —

Group H

  Group H                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts                      
1 Starling                       6   4  1  1   17   7 +10   13    —   4–1  5–0  4–2
2 Raynor City United             6   4  1  1   11   6  +5   13   1–1   —   3–0  2–0
3 Megabrantid SC                 6   1  2  3    6  15  −9    5   3–2  0–2   —   1–1
4 FC Teussen Stelberg            6   0  2  4    6  12  −6    2   0–1  1–2  2–2   —

A couple of blips along the way. Curiously, all four Nepharim clubs manage precisely four wins. That’s enough for all four to get through to the final round… all along with their most recent opponents.

The thing with the ‘Sabrefell giants’ is they don’t always rise together. At one stage, Athletic collapsed to irrelevance; at another, the Moths spent a long stretch in the wilderness. Even so, right now, this is the biggest ticket match of the year in domestic football worldwide, the reigning national and Globe champions hosting the reigning world champions, a derby between giant clubs who truly hate one another, red versus green at the Barbarossa, YEAH! FOOTBALL! This is no cagey affair, but both sides go for it, fighting tooth-and-nail for supremacy. The first half is dead even, though Athletic threaten the breakthrough. An unmarked Dominique tries a rare shot and, perhaps surprised, Griffin manages a very un-world-class fumble into the path of Sipke Tarala - uh-oh - but then springs himself forward to clawing Tarala’s first-time shot away almost as soon as it leaves his boot. In the second half, just as the Moths start to really get a foot-hold in a game run from Athletic’s midfield, mostly through the flanks, Reece Lucas and Orsolya Gere hook up brilliantly, the Euran leftback ultimately finding himself the furthest man forward and embracing it, putting the ball between Griffin’s legs. The Moths fight back, perhaps too hard. Shone utterly destroys Oscar Coltrane, and while that forces Athletic’s talisman off, it also forces Shone off. A straight red card. The away side is incandescent! This is Nephara, good sir! But Brom Anstead is resolute, and doesn’t change the decision just because many green men are shouting at him. Athletic clean up the win late on, Bryony Westerveld skipping through a tackle from Aedelbrandt before setting up Ens to drive home from the edge of the box, just sort of slipping unnoticed between the lines; Jabelon throws himself into a desperate block, and it shaves his knee on the way past Griffin, but it’s doubtful it made the difference. 2-0 Athletic, flying high. The Moths… the Moths are struggling. If they fell asleep for a couple of weeks they’d probably find themselves in the bottom half.

There aren’t many column inches left to pretend anything else happening mattered, let alone anything in Sabrefell, but it’s hard to overlook a genuine thrashing as River get pasted 6-0 at home by Southfell. Teenage Tanners Forestier and Kuzener link up impressively. Crisisbless United light up Creed 4-1, Tim Maitfield’s ability to squeeze the best from the likes of Literally Olga Kitzbichler putting him in good stead and throwing the uninspired substitutions of Diandra Ballard, whose inexperience is showing, into sharp relief. Ballard’s issue is halting a death-spiral when things start to go wrong. A lot has gone wrong, lately...

“If the board wants to sack me, they can,” Adalheid Metzelder sniffs. “Certainly if our genius press thinks a course of action should be taken against the greatest visionary our nation has produced since Larissa Garrotte, I suppose they must be right, yes? I will not relegate this team. And nobody in the world, in the universe, has the vision to overcome our recent strife. You must admit, ladies, gentlemen, the rest, you must admit that I am unique. The Gargoyles need someone who is unique. The Gargoyles need me. And to fire me now would be to destroy the beautiful artwork in progress that is my career. To cruelly choke off the reality in which I win Nephara the World Cup. No, I will survive for the good of the nation, and I think the board knows this. If they try and sack me, I will refuse. I am a patriot.” The context is that Belgrave were just turned over, in their own backyard, 2-0, by a dreadful Dartmouth side. They have an appalling 6-6-9 (nnice) record, and are deep in the bottom half. Inexplicably, she remains in the job.

Chenoworth Rovers have been deceptively terrible this season, and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why. Nya Murray’s still scoring, Rashica Horvath’s been about as hoped, and Markus Capradossi has had, if anything, his best season to date. But they need to start picking up points, and north Vermillion seems a great place to find them. A somewhat chaotic scramble around the edges of the goal is cut through by teenage winger Anselm Koerner, whose pass squirms through for Misha Paterson to drive past Bartok. A great start, and only a flying save from Bartok denies Sabrina Patton point-blank. The Saints’ heads have already dropped despite the exhortations of Kaj Aurora on the touchline, until from nowhere, Adele Rosborough pings in a shot that takes a massive deflection off Belaskita Skalak, her teammate at Stahlburg Rovers last season, to slip between Chaeffer’s feet. Apparently unnerved, Chaeffer lets another strike from Rosborough sail past just four minutes later, one she got fingers to but better positioning would have given her a hand, before Sigrun Rathskeller smashes into Barota for a clear penalty. Rosborough insists on stepping up for her chance at the hat-trick. Chaeffer somewhat redeems herself, springing well and beating away the shot, but Barota moves far quicker than the sluggish Rovers to slot home the loose ball and make it 3-1 on the stroke of half-time, which becomes 4-1 on the hour mark through an Ann Reus tap-in. Nya Murray drives home a strike from the edge of the box late on, grabs the ball and rushes for the halfway line, all but begging her teammates to claw back a point. Koerner forces another great save from Bartok and a wayward corner from Paterson beats everyone and shaves the top of the crossbar, but the Saints have doubled their wins tally for the season and crab-syndromed the Rovers right into the shit.

It’s rare you see a team score five goals essentially through route one football, but by bypassing the Chariots’ midfield entirely, Chatswood get serious dividends by just lumping it to Henderson and Garrett, a brilliant free kick from Prentice proving a palate cleanser for their fourth in a 5-2 win. In the northwest, there’s a reunion between Portia Taani and Malia Yonen, both Mriinternational regulars who fled the sinking ship in Cranequin to stay in the Premiership. Though Taani comes close to breaking the deadlock, twice impressively denied by Maria Kovacic, it’s ultimately Yonen who supplies the only goal of the game when an uncharacteristically unselfish Warrington, presented with an unpalatably acute angle to goal, centres for her to strike home unmarked. Cypher beat Starling away by the same scoreline, a very stereotypical grinding defensive performance won very unstereotypically by a thrilling solo goal from the revelation Andrea Bereveskos. River break a streak of ten unanswered goals over the past two games when Lauren Beridze scores just her third goal of the season in a stunning 1-1 away draw with Athletic.

Metzelder’s rebirth is off to a good start, pulverising the hicks up in Corvette 4-1. Encouragingly, Markus Strand gets the hat-trick, and a perfect one at that. He’s been rather off-colour this year, sparking concerns of being a one-season wonder. Hopefully, they’re unfounded. Aura Keynes also shines, and helpfully, is actually fit; she hasn’t been nearly enough since arriving from the Stags, which explains why she was so often sidelined there. After a protracted run of bad results, Dartmouth get a second straight win with a second straight clean sheet for Stefan Heidenreich, the impressive former Southfell stopper keeping the Terriers in the game against a determined but lacklustre Goodfeather. Cranequin slug it out brutally with a Mantlegrove side willing to attack them at pace, and the Wanderers do not deal well with being attacked at pace, particularly missing Kravec. They do, however, have the goals of Grahn and Viere to bail them out, and a frankly brilliant performance from Shona Butcher to help save the day. Seven goals, all from strikers; the Wanderers’ braces aren’t quite cancelled out by Cantra Duprey’s hat-trick, but by God, she still takes home her match-ball, snatching it vindictively from Stoeva’s hands post-game.

Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

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