[ACCEPTED] Corruption, Contemplation, and Cuteness Amok

[Jutsa]

... I'm slowly losing my marbles, aren't I?

In all fairness, I was inspired by this (presumably joke) draft.
A personal favorite! I think it's somewhat similar, buuut honestly I couldn't resist the idea of a 144.2 followup any longer.

Title: Corruption, Contemplation, and Cuteness Amok
The Issue: Secretariat, a horse recently elected as mayor of @@ANIMAL@@ City, has been vetoing every single bill coming into office, sternly shouting "Neigh!" every time.
Validity: Followup to 144.2

Option 1: "I'm not thrilled that we have these cabbage heads who are elected town councilors," whines @@RANDOMNAME@@, having lost the local election to Ms. Snuggleworth, a cat that's currently cleaning herself on your desk. "But even you have to admit they are all for show. Surely only legitimate, legal-citizen-based decisions on legislation count, right?" @@HE@@ steps in a puddle left behind by one of your junior MPs.
[effect] towns are often run by puppets

Option 2: "Aw, horse pucky! This is all a problem with communication," says everything-whisperer Madam LaBrie, caressing her latest book, Dog Eat Dog and Catty Politics: How to Tell the Roosters from the Chickens. "They don't speak in words, after all. If you gave my organization permission, and proper funding, we can translate politicians' ramblings to the masses for you, and you'll have genuine answers straight form the horse's mouth."
[effect] well-paid translators repeat whatever politicians just said

Option 3: "You're right, they don't speak intelligible language! So how can this horse be making such smart-ass decisions?" interrogates purity extremist @@RANDOMNAME@@, lead suspect of the high-profile criminal investigation of the dismemberment of recently-elected government official Cardboard Cutout of @@LEADER@@. "I smell a horse's ass. Regardless of who's pulling the strings, we need to send these corrupt politicians and their cohorts to the glue factory!"
[effect] toilet paper rolls' political careers have been flushed down the toilet

Option 4: "Meow!" trills Ms. Snuggleworth, pushing off all the papers on your desk aside from a bill proposing her latest agenda be made policy nationwide.
[effect] cats are people too

Title: Corruption, Contemplation, and Cuteness Amuck
The Issue: Secretariat, a horse recently elected as mayor of @@ANIMAL@@ City, has been vetoing every single bill coming into office, sternly shouting "Neigh!" every time.
Validity: Followup to 144.2

Option 1: "I'm not thrilled that we have these cabbage heads elected town counsils," whines @@RANDOMNAME@@, having lost the local election to Ms. Snuggleworth, a cat that's currently cleaning herself on your desk. "But even you have to admit they are all for show. Surely only legitimate, legal citizen-based decisions on legislation count, right?" @@HE@@ steps in a puddle left behind by one of your junior MPs.
[effect] towns are often run by puppets

Option 2: "Aw, horse pucky! This is all a problem with communication," says everything-whisperrer Madam LaBrie, carressing her latest book, Dog Eat Dog and Catty Politics: How to Tell the Roosters from the Chickens. "They don't speak in words, after all. If you gave my organization permission, and proper funding, we can translate politicians' ramblings to the masses for you, and you'll have genuine answers straight form the horse's mouth."
[effect] well-paid translators repeat whatever politicians just said

Option 3: "You're right, they don't speak intelligible language! So how can this horse be making such smart-ass decisions?" interrogates purity extremist @@RANDOMNAME@@, lead suspect of the high-profile criminal investigation of the dismantling of recently elected government official Cardboard Cutout of @@LEADER@@. "I smell a horse's ass. Regardless of who's pulling the strings, we need to send these corrupt politicians and their cohorts to the glue factory!"
[effect] toilet paper rolls' political careers have been flushed down the toilet

Option 4: "Meow!" trills Ms. Snuggleworth, pushing off all the papers on your desk aside from a bill proposing her latest agenda be made policy nationwide.
[effect] cats are people too

Title: Corruption, Contemplation, and Cuteness Amuck
The Issue: Miss Snuggleworth, a cat recently elected as mayor of @@ANIMAL@@ City, passed a bill banning animal feed and making humans give quality human food to animals they live with.
Validity: Followup to 144.2

Validity: Juries
Option 1a: "So, there's nothing about this bill that's inherently illegal," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading a verdict from a jury of Miss Snuggleworth's peers. "It's poorly written, however, so we can legally feed them our unwanted leftovers and save on garbage waste. What I'm concerned about is that someone this corrupt made it into power. It's clear we need to lecture our less intelligent citizens so they can make wiser decisions on who to vote for."
[effect] educational institutions are taking parliamentary seats away from the lab mice party

Validity: No Juries
Option 1b: "So, there's nothing about this bill that's inherently illegal," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading a verdict from a judge that was more than figuratively a cabbage head. "It's poorly written, however, so we can legally feed them our unwanted leftovers and save on garbage waste. What I'm concerned about is that someone this corrupt made it into power. It's clear we need to lecture our less intelligent citizens so they can make wiser decisions on who to vote for."
[effect] educational institutions are taking parliamentary seats away from lab mice

Option 2: "I'm not thrilled that we now have rolls of toilet paper elected town counsils," whines @@RANDOMNAME@@, having lost the local election to Miss Snuggleworth. "But even you have to admit they are all for show; they have no actual legal skills. Do you think you could at least make only legitimate, human-submitted legislation constitute actual law?"
[effect] puppet rulers are actually hand puppets

Option 3: "You're right, they have no legal skills. They can't even understand human language! So how do you think this proposal got made?" interrogates purity extremist @@RANDOMNAME@@, lead suspect of the high-profile criminal investigation of the dismemberment of recently elected government official Cardboard Cutout of Dapper Walnut. "There's obviously someone behind the scenes doing this. We must launch a full-scale investigation and purge anyone suspected of using cute animals to get their way!"
[effect] secret service agents regularly parachute into peanut packing plants suspected of colluding with feline government infiltrators

Option 4: "Meow!" trills Miss Snuggleworth, pushing across your desk a proposal to make daily siestas mandatory nationwide.
[effect] cats are people too

Title: Corruption, Contemplation, and Cuteness Amuck
The Issue: Miss Snuggleworth, a cat recently elected as mayor of @@ANIMAL@@ City, passed a bill banning animal feed and making humans give quality human food to animals they live with.
Validity: Followup to 144.2

Validity: Juries
Option 1a: "So, there's nothing about this bill that's inherently illegal," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading a verdict from a jury of Miss Snuggleworth's peers. "It's poorly written, however, so we can legally feed them our unwanted leftovers and save on garbage waste. What I'm concerned about is that someone this corrupt made it into power. It's clear we need to lecture our less intelligent citizens so they can make wiser decisions on who to vote for."
[effect] educational institutions are taking parliamentary seats away from the lab mice party

Validity: No Juries
Option 1b: "So, there's nothing about this bill that's inherently illegal," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading a verdict from a judge that was more than figuratively a cabbage head. "It's poorly written, however, so we can legally feed them our unwanted leftovers and save on garbage waste. What I'm concerned about is that someone this corrupt made it into power. It's clear we need to lecture our less intelligent citizens so they can make wiser decisions on who to vote for."
[effect] educational institutions are taking parliamentary seats away from lab mice

Option 2: "I'm not thrilled that we now have rolls of toilet paper elected town counsils," whines @@RANDOMNAME@@, having lost the local election to Miss Snuggleworth. "But even you have to admit they are all for show; they have no actual legal skills. Do you think you could at least make only legitimate, human-submitted legislation constitute actual law?"
[effect] puppet rulers are actually hand puppets

Option 3: "You're right, they have no legal skills. They can't even understand human language! So how do you think this proposal got made?" interrogates purity extremist @@RANDOMNAME@@, lead suspect of the high-profile criminal investigation of the dismemberment of recently elected government official Cardboard Cutout of Dapper Walnut. "There's obviously someone behind the scenes doing this. We must launch a full-scale investigation and purge anyone suspected of using cute animals to get their way!"
[effect] secret service agents regularly parachute into peanut packing plants suspected of colluding with feline government infiltrators

Option 4: "Meow!" trills Miss Snuggleworth, pushing across your desk a proposal to install her latest policy nationwide.
[effect] cats are people too

[Baggieland]

Option 4: "Meow!" trills Miss Snuggleworth, pushing across your desk a proposal to install her latest policy nationwide.

What proposal? Something cats would like obviously. Maybe legally mandated siestas, something like that.

[Jutsa]

Was supposed to be a reference to the description:

passed a bill banning animal feed and making humans give quality human food to animals they live with.

That said I'll gladly change it.

[Trotterdam]

The Issue: Miss Snuggleworth, a cat recently elected as mayor of @@ANIMAL@@ City, passed a bill banning animal feed and making humans give quality human food to animals they live with.

You know, if a cat is intelligent enough to be capable of drafting a bill like this, voting for her isn't even that dumb.

[Baggieland]

Was supposed to be a reference to the description:

passed a bill banning animal feed and making humans give quality human food to animals they live with.

That said I'll gladly change it.

I see. I thought the cat was pushing through ANOTHER proposal.

[Jutsa]

I mean, the cat might as well, right?

[Baggieland]

I mean, the cat might as well, right?

Why not?

You don't fancy mandatory siestas? Cats love sleeping, they're masters at it!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue: Miss Snuggleworth, a cat recently elected as mayor of @@ANIMAL@@ City, passed a bill banning animal feed and making humans give quality human food to animals they live with.

You know, if a cat is intelligent enough to be capable of drafting a bill like this, voting for her isn't even that dumb.

To continue this point, I can't help but thinking that while this issue is very funny, it doesn't really follow from 144.2 that animals are both treated as people and able to communicate sufficiently to propose specific legislation.

[Australian rePublic]

Few issues here:
1. In order for this issue to work, @@NAME@@ must be a democracy. In a democracy, a mayour can't just pass a bill, even if they are mentally capable of doing so. Bills must run through parliment
2. Cats eat human food? What about stray cats? Do tigers/lions count? What if the human owner is a vegan/fasting from meat, thus having a dangerous diet for a cat
3. Ignoring point 1 for a minute. Forget about passing it throygh parliment. A cat cannot draft nor pass bills. A cat is just a figurehead. Whichever human acts on behalf of the cat must pass the bill. This now begs the question. Why would a human draft this bill? Corruption? How would one financially bemefit from this bill?

[Jutsa]

You know, if a cat is intelligent enough to be capable of drafting a bill like this, voting for her isn't even that dumb.

To continue this point, I can't help but thinking that while this issue is very funny, it doesn't really follow from 144.2 that animals are both treated as people and able to communicate sufficiently to propose specific legislation.

This is kinda where option 3 comes into play, and if you think about it, 3 makes a lot more sense,
but yeah, this is pretty cute.

I know we've got some animals actually elected mayors here in the US, and I'm pretty sure it was a puppet that got several votes over in Ireland, yes?
Might try making a reference to that one somewhere, but point is I might tweak this a little after I do some research as to how places
that actually have animal-electees works.

Oh, and not just politically. Turns out there's a Japanese train station run by a cat — with cat employees. Source

[Jutsa]

I mean, the cat might as well, right?

Why not?

You don't fancy mandatory siestas? Cats love sleeping, they're masters at it!

Yeah, good point. Changed fur brushing to siestas.

Funnily enough I really don't like napping, but I'd probably have to if I lived where it were too hot. :v

[Trotterdam]

You don't fancy mandatory siestas? Cats love sleeping, they're masters at it!

I don't see why you'd want to make them mandatory, though. Sure, forbidding others from interrupting you during your siesta, that makes sense. But forcing them to take their own siestas? That just takes up valuable sleeping surface.

I know we've got some animals actually elected mayors here in the US, and I'm pretty sure it was a puppet that got several votes over in Ireland, yes?
Might try making a reference to that one somewhere, but point is I might tweak this a little after I do some research as to how places
that actually have animal-electees works.

I think you'd probably end up with, in practice, an empty seat that abstains from all votes, the difference between an animal and thin air being purely symbolic.

If you want a little more humor (but less believability) you could have a situation where, say, a horse stymies parliament by voting "neigh" on everything.

Oh, and not just politically. Turns out there's a Japanese train station run by a cat — with cat employees. Source

Yes, that sounds like something Japan would do.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

If you want a little more humor (but less believability) you could have a situation where, say, a horse stymies parliament by voting "neigh" on everything.

That's funny enough to justify the absurdity.

[Jutsa]

Huh. Might just try that approach.

[Jutsa]

updated it. Only took 9 months.

[Jutsa]

and this one's totally gonna be a contest submission. Got any comments?

[Tinhampton]

Got any comments?

Yes - you misspelled "translators" as "translaters" in your second effect line.

[Jutsa]

Rip. Coincidentally, imo, my worst effect line, though it's still an amusing thought.

[Trotterdam]

Option 1: "I'm not thrilled that we have these cabbage heads elected town counsils,"

I don't understand the grammar in the underlined part. Are the "cabbage heads" the individuals doing the electing, or the ones who got elected (onto councils, or as councillors), and just what is a "cabbage head" anyway? I mean, sure, it definitely sounds like some kind of insult, but it also doesn't seem like a slur that's specifically tailored to any group in particular.

Also, it's spelled "council".

everything-whisperrer Madam LaBrie

I think that's one too many "r"s, unless she's purring.

Option 3: "You're right, they don't speak intelligible language! So how can this horse be making such smart-ass decisions?"

Well obviously it can't. You need Equus asinus for that, not Equus caballus.

lead suspect of the high-profile criminal investigation of the dismantling of recently elected government official Cardboard Cutout of @@LEADER@@

Again, what happened? Do you even "dismantle" cardboard cutouts, and what crime would that be? Was the cardboard cutout actually named "Cardboard Cutout of @@LEADER@@"?

I kind of want to suggest a hyphen in "recently-elected", but that feels like it's missing the main problem.

[Jutsa]

I don't understand the grammar in the underlined part. Are the "cabbage heads" the individuals doing the electing, or the ones who got elected (onto councils, or as councillors), and just what is a "cabbage head" anyway? I mean, sure, it definitely sounds like some kind of insult, but it also doesn't seem like a slur that's specifically tailored to any group in particular.

He means "I'm not thrilled about these cabbage heads who are elected town officials", though I certainly can change that.
In terms of insults, I mean, it can both be interpreted as people who are dumb (like their head is just a cabbage), or, in this context, quite literally cabbage heads that have been elected for council.

Also, it's spelled "council".

Thanks

I think that's one too many "r"s, unless she's purring.

Naeh, narrators shouldn't purr. Booped that one.

Well obviously it can't. You need Equus asinus for that, not Equus caballus.

Fair. Still, it's quite amusing.

Again, what happened? Do you even "dismantle" cardboard cutouts, and what crime would that be? Was the cardboard cutout actually named "Cardboard Cutout of @@LEADER@@"?

Yes.

I kind of want to suggest a hyphen in "recently-elected", but that feels like it's missing the main problem.

Nope that's definitely it.

[Jutsa]

Gonna bump this for what I think will be the final time. Meanwhile, trying to think of other effect lines for other drafts and failing hard.

[SherpDaWerp]

This one is very funny, I'll say that. Only a couple minor points (of which both are not needed, just suggestions):

Corruption, Contemplation, and Cuteness Amuck

Whilst amuck is accepted by the Macquarie dictionary as a word, it's more commonly spelt Amok (since the 1940s).

Surely only legitimate, legal citizen-based decisions on legislation count, right

Obscure grammar: is "legal" an element of the list ("legitimate, legal, citizen-based") or is "legal" a descriptor of the citizens the decision is based on ("legitimate, legal-citizen-based decisions")? As far as I'm aware, your current formatting implies the latter, but it wouldn't hurt to be clear.

[Jutsa]

Many thanks! Honestly, I didn't even think about the former; Definitely going for the latter, will change.

Fixed Amok as well or at least I will within 20 seconds of this post

edit: also changed "dismantling" to "dismemberment".

[Jutsa]

Oh, right, yeah, forgot: Submitted.