It's a little raw. I don't think I can keep the 3rd effect line and I'm worried the first option may trample over all kinds of headcanon.
May end up scrapping it. Still, at least it got an airing (after all, time practising drafting is never wasted).
Fourth Draft:
[TITLE] The Better Book
[VALIDITY] Has a named faith that is not atheism and not mandatory; has marriage; adult
[DESCRIPTION] The religious texts of @@FAITH@@ are often regarded as a source of inspiration to those @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ who believe. Recently, however, organisation Conservatives without Conservation have questioned about whether one of the oldest and best-selling holy books in @@NAME@@ is quite holy enough.
[OPTION] "How did Adele and Steve marry before they... you know," mumbles organisation head Andrew Rafferty, making suggestive head motions towards your cupboard. "And a man driven mad by infatuation? In a holy book? It encourages premarital whoopie and lust. To prevent misunderstandings, our entirely scriptural version clarifies Adele and Steve were legally wed in a proper house of worship, and the horny guy is cut. As for the rest: violence, liberal lifestyles, uncensored begetting and some hippie guy preaching 'love' and 'tolerance'? Face it, the original does not belong near decent devout conservatives. My rewrite removes all that, crafting a text that's moral, pro-market and has no bad language. I just need a little funding to finish it."
[EFFECT] religious texts assure readers that deities "were all man"
[OPTION VALIDITY] capitalist
[OPTION] "How did Adele and Steve marry before they... you know," mumbles organisation head Andrew Rafferty, making suggestive head motions towards your cupboard. "And a man driven mad by infatuation? In a holy book? It encourages premarital whoopie and lust. To prevent misunderstandings, our entirely scriptural version clarifies Adele and Steve were legally wed in a proper house of worship, and the horny guy is cut. As for the rest: violence, liberal lifestyles, uncensored begetting and some hippie guy preaching 'love' and 'tolerance'? Face it, the original does not belong near decent devout conservatives. My rewrite removes all that, crafting a text that's moral, pro-state and has no bad language. I just need a little funding to finish it."
[EFFECT] religious texts assure readers that deities "were all man"
[OPTION VALIDITY] socialist
[OPTION] "O, Creator, forgive him, for he knows not what he does," pontificates always-dour religious leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "What Rafferty proposes is heresy. To turn 'Hold your peace and think on what you say' to 'Shut your gob and sod off' distorts the meaning and sounds simply stupid. Let our wonderful text be exactly translated into other languages for the benefit of those who might otherwise not be saved, and permit one abridged children's version -- full of pretty images and only the sweetest stories -- for young eyes. But keep the original utterly unaltered, saving the roaring rampages, ceaseless smiting and frantic fornication for our discerning eyes." With a sigh, @@HE@@ tucks the holy book tightly under his armpit.
[EFFECT] foreign governments seize translated holy books under Obscene Publications Acts
[OPTION] "When did @@NAME@@ get so soft?" groans your nephew, underlining naughty words in his copy of the text with red pen. "Editing or translating the original isn't just heresy; it totally misses the point! These texts are the example of how to live. Read it: it's all violence and swears and sex, and war and sex, and old-fashioned stonings and sex. Maybe, if we all adopted and promoted a more authentic religious lifestyle -- not some wishy-washy lovey-dovey mishmash -- more people might realise how interesting our faith is. I think I read some grueso... fun ideas for punishing people who change the text or don't follow it properly and I know of a quarry with lots of stones!"
[EFFECT] religious tracts are mistaken for splatter fiction
[OPTION] "Now do you see the problems with these religious books?" demands atheist Richilda Hawkins, turning another page and blanching slightly. "Not only do they encourage the acceptance of fantastical thinking -- fables featuring talking @@ANIMALPLURAL@@, really? -- they also encourage people to behave in a maladaptive, judgemental and even violent manner and then abdicate responsibility for their behaviour to some imaginary deity. We should discourage supernatural religious-based thinking in society, and move all religious books to the sci-fi and fantasy section, where they belong."
[EFFECT] atheist authors complain that being shelved next to religious texts is "wholly inappropriate"
[OPTION] "Hmm... Not so bad!" mutters your brother, flicking through a copy of the text with a red pen. "Of course, I'd have added thumb-screws to that scene and maybe a little more blood when... I'm sorry, where was I? This text is fairly adequate already; it's just never been finished properly. How about a new last chapter: There Shall Be A Prophet, And That Prophet Shall Be Named @@LEADER@@? Catchy, hmm? All we need is that new chapter, to intercut a few new references to the signs and portents that foretold our glorious births... your glorious birth -- perhaps a new commandment or two on 'obeying thy leader as thy Creator' -- and to remove the old versions from the shelves."
[EFFECT] @@LEADER@@ prophesies a downturn in religious book sales
