NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Candlewhisper Archive]

#501 is written by Leninkrav, not Lavendertopia.

Holy... cow, how in the name of Max Barry did Lavendertopia get there? >_<

492 looks to be by Lavendertopia, so not just a random collection of letters.

[Trotterdam]

#884 You're Psychotic, @@LEADER@@

The Issue

A palace guard had to torture one of your most trusted aides today after hearing him murmur to another advisor that the WA has classified your beloved nation as a psychotic dictatorship. After your brother related the torture in gory detail during a family dinner, the topic of how to improve your image with the WA has come up.

The Debate

1. "Let the people have a bit of political freedom," announces your nephew, whose authoritarianism is tempered only by his strange love for democracy. "The people love you and your tough but fair demeanor! Get the rubber stamp of a democratically free vote and you'll get to keep the populace in check - and maybe the WA will back off with their 'psychotic' talk."

2. "The only freedom @@NAME@@ needs is freedom on the entrepreneurial front," proposes @@RANDOMNAME@@, a shady Eckie-Ecola executive known for @@HIS/HER@@ iron-fisted consumerism, who is currently serving Eckie-Ecolas to your family. "You should focus on promoting big multinational businesses in @@NAME@@ and slashing the regulation on them. Think about the economic growth that'd come from it, all while you retain your power and keep the populace from running rampant. With a freer economy I'm sure the World Assembly will be open to considering @@NAME@@ in a different light."

3. "We can't let fickle democratic will run the government or multinationals run the economy, but we should let people run themselves," suggests your father, who always seems to know what's best for you. "As long as they aren't challenging your power, they should be allowed to go wherever they want, do whatever they want, buy whatever they want, heck, even start their own private businesses. Enough so the World Assembly might reconsider, anyway."

4. "We can't let fickle democratic will run the government or multinationals run the economy, but we should let people run themselves," suggests your father, who always seems to know what's best for you. "As long as they aren't challenging your power, they should be allowed to go wherever they want, do whatever they want, buy whatever they want, heck, even make it easy for them to start their own businesses. Enough so the World Assembly might reconsider, anyway."

5. "Don't listen to those anarchists from the World Assembly," comments your sister, while simultaneously offering her after-dinner cake to the butler that served it to her. "Just because they can't see that you're helping your citizens by giving them structure does not mean that you're doing anything wrong. You should instead denounce the World Assembly and tell your people you're only doing what's right. Perhaps you can prove this by bumping the health care and welfare systems a bit?"

6. "MWWHAHAHA!" maniacally laughs your brother, who is covered in @@ANIMAL@@ blood for some reason. "They want to see psychotic? We'll show them psychotic! Rain down oppression and mayhem on all of your little playthings! Well, except for your family, of course."

Issue by Jutsa
Edited by Ransium

Option 3 is for socialist nations and 4 is for capitalist ones.

Autocracy is not a prerequisite for the issue and does not change option 1. In fact, I got it three issues after reinstating elections, after I had accidentally banned them on my Psychotic Dictatorship (this wasn't enough to lose the classification), though I didn't answer it immediately but rather banked it until I could bring back capitalism to test option 3/4.

[Jutsa]

Eeee, my baby's final option's been found. <3

[Jutsa]

Also updated my list of missing issues options.

[Sapnu puas]

Your Wild Self(ie) #1,145

The Issue

A nature photographer on assignment in the Kawandalandian wilderness caught a Worm toying with their spare camera equipment. Either on purpose or by accident, this Worm managed to snap a selfie. Upon returning back to Sapnu puas, the impressed photographer began to sell copies of the selfie to interested buyers. As news of the so-called ‘smart Worm’ continues to spread, animal rights activists have raised some surprising copyright concerns.

The Debate

“That picture is not this photographer’s intellectual property because he did not take it,” bluntly states Ingmar Richardson, a philanthropist with a long record of donating to conservationist causes. “It is morally wrong that he profits from this work. While I will admit that the picture in question is intriguing, he has unfairly earned enough already. If this portrait continues to be distributed, I humbly request that all future proceeds go completely towards a good cause. My philanthropic foundation, perhaps?”


“This is an affront to Worms everywhere!” howls Miranda Young, a spokesperson for the organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Everything. “There is only one individual with the right to all earnings from this photograph: the noble creature who took it! That brilliant beast did the work, so they should be fully recognized for their intellectual property. I expect the necessary cans will be delivered to the wild soon, post-haste.”


“Just hand that photograph over to us,” sternly orders Doctor Tyrion Ephron, director of the National Science Laboratory. “This can be an amazing PR opportunity! There must be something special about that selfie-taking Worm, having the ability to photograph themselves and all. With your permission, let my team bring the star-studded creature back to the lab for testing. That photograph will become the public face of the most groundbreaking discoveries of the decade, mark my words!”


“Whether kool or beast, we are promoting a culture of selfishness and unchecked narcissism,” complains self-styled intellectual and motivational speaker Billy Magellan. “I don’t know where this is going to lead us, but it won’t be anything good. This selfie and ‘me first’ culture that’s corrupting our society needs to be nipped in the bud. Ban selfies and encourage people to engage with each other and their communities.”

[Jutsa]

OHEY! This one!

Er... wouldn't happen to know the editor, would ya?

(Thought the author was Altmer, checked and sure enough yeah)

[Aramanchovia]

OHEY! This one!

Er... wouldn't happen to know the editor, would ya?

(Thought the author was Altmer, checked and sure enough yeah)

Issue by The First Thalmor Reign of Altmer Dominion
Edited by Nation of Quebec

All 4 names seem to be random.

[Jutsa]

Sweet, many thanks.

Updating now.

[Jutsa]

Added.

Nice to see the 'Ethical Treatment of Everything' again.

Adding this to Kawandaland's file... still as mysterious as ever.

[Alanis Star]

#1146 - Mother Knows Best?

The Issue

A recent report from the Bureau of Population Statistics has revealed that, during the past quarter, the number of parenting licenses given to prospective parents fell to an all-time low.

The Debate

[choice-0] Your secretary, who has failed the parenting test four times in a row, is eager to speak to you about this. “I mean, come on! How was I supposed to know how long it takes for a baby to get to the center of a lollipop? The test shouldn’t be so impossibly hard that no one can pass it. And there are so many other restrictions and requirements that get in the way of people trying to be parents. I beg you to make it easier for a regular person to obtain a license. I promise I will raise my children well!”

[choice-1] “Seems like we’re running a country full of idiots, doesn’t it?” complains the head bureaucrat of the government agency that awards parenting licenses. “The application process is doing its job if it keeps those who are unqualified from having children. If there is one child in the hands of a parent without their wits intact, then we have failed as a nation. Instead of making the process easier, we need to be even more selective. And we should monitor the progress of parents even after they get their licenses, just to make sure they’re parenting up to standard. Only the best, brightest, and most qualified deserve to raise a family.”

[choice-2] “Licenses? We don’t need no stinking licenses!” yowls your Minister of Productivity, writhing and jumping around you. “Less children — bad! Less productivity — bad! Bad for economy! We always need to be producing, always need to be doing! More children, more doing!” The minister’s mouth froths as he mumbles on the floor, making bizarre thrusting motions.

Issue by Sacara
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

This issue does not seem to have custom fields, or any names... at least, from what I saw. No italics either!

[Sacara]

Glad the issue was reported! And rather quickly, seeing as a nation needs Parental Licensing.

This was my tenth published issue, too.

[Jutsa]

Congratulations, Sacara.

Added! Heads up, we're still looking for 1112, 1116.2/6, 1124, 1132, 1136, 1142.2, and 1143.3, among several missing variant options.

[Alanis Star]

Glad the issue was reported! And rather quickly, seeing as a nation needs Parental Licensing.

This was my tenth published issue, too.

I... I think I implemented that not long ago. What a coincidence!

:rofl:

Congratulations, Sacara.

Added! Heads up, we're still looking for 1112, 1116.2/6, 1124, 1132, 1136, 1142.2, and 1143.3, among several missing variant options.

I'll keep an eye out for them as well!

[Trotterdam]

#1148 Unfit for Purpose

The Issue

The Department of Welfare has been criticized for the way it assesses potential claimants of disability benefits. The department sends out agents from private companies to force claimants to perform what critics call "cruel and humiliating" assessments in order to prove they need the benefit.

The Debate

1. "This is disgusting and inhumane," furiously shouts wheelchair-bound claimant @@RANDOMNAME@@. "That person who came to assess me wasn't even a licensed medical professional in my area of care. She was a former optician! Does it look like my eyes aren't working? She made me roll up and down my hallway until my arms got tired, then told me I didn't need the benefit because I could roll along the floor on my own without difficulty! End this now. A note from your doctor or other relevant professional should be enough evidence to claim disability benefit. It's not as if they'd lie."

2. "The system works just fine," claims your grey-suited and stoic Welfare Minister. "We have to carefully screen every claim, otherwise every scammer and skiver would try to con the government out of money for every cut and scrape they have. Make the assessments more stringent, and properly fund my department. That way, it'll deter the con artists and only the truly disabled will receive assistance."

3. "I think a lack of empathy is the problem," suggests a random passer-by who happened to overhear the meeting. "I'm not against the principle of assessing clinical needs, but we need to make it fairer on claimants. I heard one story of one of those agents asking a suicidal person how they would kill themselves if they were to do it. We should ensure that all assessors have the same disability as the claimant, which will ensure they are treated humanely and fairly, as well as making sure that the assessor has a good understanding of what the condition entails."

4. "This is all just a waste of time and money!" exclaims self-styled Social Darwinist and anti-government crusader @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Think of the suffering taxpayers! Where are our benefits, hmm? We're the real victims here, not these lazy slackers on disability! Abolish their welfare payments and let natural selection work things out."

Issue by Nuremgard
Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Jutsa]

Jeez, Nuremgard, another successful issue?
Just hit 11, now. Congratulations, you magnificent non-forum writer.

ed: oh yeah now we're also missing 1147, then...

[Jutsa]

Wow, option 4 is brutal.

Good issue. Came across something kinda similar to this last year, in my own family.

[Sacara]

#1147: The Long Walk [Nation of Quebec; ed. Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue
Though Nelson Yew was subsequently exonerated for the many crimes that he was accused of, videos of the “perp walk” he made between the police station and the court are continuing to surface online and in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ media.

The Debate
1. “Perp walks are barbaric and needlessly cruel,” states criminal justice reform and privacy advocate Tanya Eliot while covering her face with a paper bag. “Not to mention a total violation of privacy. Why should people endure the humiliation of that long walk with cameras flashing in their faces? What if the person is innocent? At least let them have their dignity before you lock them up in a cold, metal box.”

2. “On the contrary, privacy is less important than transparency of procedure,” replies a tough-on-crime police officer who would rather not be named. “The people and the free press have a right to know the creeps who are committing crimes in our great country! In fact, we ought to make perp walks more harrowing! Have the criminals walk a whole mile before they’re escorted away, and let onlookers jeer and throw rotten fruit at them! That’ll surely teach people that crime doesn’t pay!”

“Obviously, we need to strike a balance between the two extremes,” suggests armchair legal expert Brenda MacDonald. “Why not limit perp walks to only the most heinous of crimes and wait until after they’re convicted? That way the media gets to have its circus, but only when we say they can.”

[Jutsa]

Added. Loved option 2's introduction.

Thank you, Sacara. A lovely issue; nice to see NoQ more active again.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Added. Loved option 2's introduction.

That's great to hear, as that sentence was a true collaborative effort between three editors! Good to know that collaboration creates quality.

[Trotterdam]

#1147 The Long Walk

The Issue

Though @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ was subsequently exonerated for the many crimes that @@HE/SHE_1@@ was accused of, videos of the "perp walk" @@HE/SHE_1@@ made between the police station and the court are continuing to surface online and in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ media.

The Debate

1. "Perp walks are barbaric and needlessly cruel," states criminal justice reform and privacy advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@ while covering @@HIS/HER@@ face with a paper bag. "Not to mention a total violation of privacy. Why should people endure the humiliation of that long walk with cameras flashing in their faces? What if the person is innocent? At least let them have their dignity before you lock them up in a cold, metal box."

2. "On the contrary, privacy is less important than transparency of procedure," replies a tough-on-crime police officer who would rather not be named. "The people and the free press have a right to know the creeps who are committing crimes in our great country! In fact, we ought to make perp walks more harrowing! Have the criminals walk a whole mile before they're escorted away, and let onlookers jeer and throw rotten fruit at them! That'll surely teach people that crime doesn't pay!"

3. "Obviously, we need to strike a balance between the two extremes," suggests armchair legal expert @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Why not limit perp walks to only the most heinous of crimes and wait until after they're convicted? That way the media gets to have its circus, but only when we say they can."

4. "Are we forgetting the fact that an innocent person was humiliated?" reminds @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@'s lawyer. "My client's life was destroyed by police incompetence and cruelty. The government must compensate all falsely accused people for any time spent incarcerated in police cells, and force disciplinary procedures onto the police officers who allowed this charade to take place. Maybe then the police will think harder on respecting the public's right to dignity!"

Issue by Nation of Quebec
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

I can't tell you what the validity for the last option is yet. Maybe later.

[Jutsa]

Hmm... think it might be an option added last-minute? O_o

[Aramanchovia]

1149: The Goriest Advertisement

The Issue
The world was shocked by videos of a Bigtopian rebel army massacring a village... using weapons with “Made in Aramanchovia” proudly branded on them.

The Debate
“Another happy customer!” declares Tamara Ives, the manager of a large firearm factory, beaming with pride. “Look how pleased that gentleman is at his AXP-7631 battle rifle’s stopping power. Just as advertised, it is making mincemeat of that mother and baby! Hey, speaking of advertisement, can we use this footage please? I think videos like these are fantastic at showcasing the quality of our awesome products.”

“Hm... perhaps too good an advertisement,” says the factory’s assistant manager, while watching a video of a tank rolling over a man’s head. “While the rebels’ choice of a Model 5 Fossil tank was an excellent one, maybe we should have our name... well, you know, not written onto the vehicle’s hull that boldly. We should have a regulation to scrape off our weapons’ origins when selling them abroad. That way, only gun nuts will know about our role in these... um... occurrences.”

“Oh come on, you idiot!” screams infuriated weapons designer Koch Winchester at the screen. “Do you want to get blood jamming your pristine shotgun? Because beating an old woman to death with one is how you get that! Guns are for shooting, not... ugh. Hey, The Leader, it’s clear that these foreigners don’t know how to use our goods properly. You should ban all sales abroad and only sell our weapons to the fine people of Aramanchovia. Be sure to loosen up those gun laws first!”

“That’s ridiculous!” cries the Bigtopian ambassador. “If anything, these atrocities are proof that our great country needs more aid in crushing these rebel scum. You should mandate that only legitimate governments can purchase your arms. We certainly don’t get involved in such gratuitous violence in more than 30% of the towns we liberate. That way, you will instead see your nation’s name being used for good, not this disgusting stuff. Mostly.”

“Wait just a minute!” shouts Björk Popov, your Minister of Non-Violent Solutions, who appears to have just smashed her way out of a storage room after being locked inside by your Defense Minister. “Why do we even have a weapons industry? Look at the destruction it’s causing. This world would be a better place without our weapons and the accompanying bloodshed. I say that we must shut down every munitions factory in the nation - regardless of the cost!”

Issue by The Republic of Chan Island
Edited by Pogaria

[Trotterdam]

Model 5 Fossil tank

Word of warning: "Fossil" is "@@ANIMAL@@". (So it's not a jab at the tank being obsolete.)

Also:

AXP-7631 battle rifle

The "A" might or might not be "@@NAMEINITIALS@@" or "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@". (The draft thread suggests "@@NAMEINITIALS@@".) The "7631" appears to be fixed (does not match @@POPULATION_VALUE@@).

[Fauxia]

I don't believe 1121.4 has to do with being religious. I'm top 2% and didn't get that option on this nation.

[Aramanchovia]

Model 5 Fossil tank

Word of warning: "Fossil" is "@@ANIMAL@@". (So it's not a jab at the tank being obsolete.)

Also:

AXP-7631 battle rifle

The "A" might or might not be "@@NAMEINITIALS@@" or "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@". (The draft thread suggests "@@NAMEINITIALS@@".) The "7631" appears to be fixed (does not match @@POPULATION_VALUE@@).

Yeah, I probably should have mentioned that fossil was my national animal, or tried using the macro but as I didn't want to muck it up, I just copy/pasted it.

A bit off topic, I swear I have completely killed off my previous national animal a bunch of times (it was at least believed to be extinct anyway), so fossil seems only appropriate for it now. It is also the nations favourite main course and used for gambling events among other things - not sure how that makes sense, but that discussion belongs elsewhere.