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Man spent 3 hours licking doorbell at stranger’s home

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Ifreann
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Postby Ifreann » Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:45 am

Trumptonium1 wrote:I mean okay, a complete weirdo, but what is the petty theft charge for?

Theft of the doorbell's virginity?

Theft of the time of the police officers who had to watch him lick a doorbell for three hours. They'll never get that time back.
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Trumptonium1
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Postby Trumptonium1 » Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:48 am

Ifreann wrote:
Trumptonium1 wrote:I mean okay, a complete weirdo, but what is the petty theft charge for?

Theft of the doorbell's virginity?

Theft of the time of the police officers who had to watch him lick a doorbell for three hours. They'll never get that time back.


Theft of opportunity for a Dunkin' Donuts visit.
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The Blaatschapen
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Postby The Blaatschapen » Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:48 am

Ifreann wrote:
Trumptonium1 wrote:I mean okay, a complete weirdo, but what is the petty theft charge for?

Theft of the doorbell's virginity?

Theft of the time of the police officers who had to watch him lick a doorbell for three hours. They'll never get that time back.


They should have made a video. And make money on YouTube.
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Xmara
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Postby Xmara » Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:50 am

All I can think of is this quote from Spongebob: “Licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.”

Idk why, but it was the first thing that came to mind even though this was a doorbell and not a doorknob.

Trumptonium1 wrote:I mean okay, a complete weirdo, but what is the petty theft charge for?

Theft of the doorbell's virginity?


He stole an extension cord from the front yard.
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The Chuck
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Postby The Chuck » Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:51 am

I just hope that doorbell didn't have any lead paint on it... it would explain why he was licking it...
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Pax Nerdvana
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Postby Pax Nerdvana » Thu Jan 10, 2019 9:01 am

I heard about this the other day. What is humanity coming too?
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Ifreann
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Postby Ifreann » Thu Jan 10, 2019 9:54 am

Pax Nerdvana wrote:I heard about this the other day. What is humanity coming too?

Your door. For a bit of a lick.
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Pax Nerdvana
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Postby Pax Nerdvana » Thu Jan 10, 2019 10:04 am

Ifreann wrote:
Pax Nerdvana wrote:I heard about this the other day. What is humanity coming too?

Your door. For a bit of a lick.

Not on my watch!


:D
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Purpelia
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Postby Purpelia » Thu Jan 10, 2019 10:14 am

Wunderstrafanstalt wrote:Also the man probably have some sort of mental illness, so we should pity him. Except if he doesn't, in which case all the atheists should go to the nearest mosque and pray for hasty divine intervention.

Why? How does him being insane or not change the fact he is a disgusting freak?
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The above post contains hyperbole, metaphoric language, embellishment and exaggeration. It may also include badly translated figures of speech and misused idioms. Analyze accordingly.
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Ifreann
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Postby Ifreann » Thu Jan 10, 2019 10:15 am

Come to think of it, I once saw a lad at a music festival sat on the ground licking a fence, a fence that people had probably been pissing on, so doorbells are a step up for the drug-addled object-licking community.
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Olthar
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Postby Olthar » Thu Jan 10, 2019 10:52 am

Hey, maybe the doorbell had peanutbutter smeared on it? Don't judge until you have the whole story.
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The Derpy Democratic Republic Of Herp
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Postby The Derpy Democratic Republic Of Herp » Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:08 am

what
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Jolthig
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Postby Jolthig » Thu Jan 10, 2019 1:24 pm

Olthar wrote:Hey, maybe the doorbell had peanutbutter smeared on it? Don't judge until you have the whole story.

Haha
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Postby Page » Thu Jan 10, 2019 1:32 pm

If I found someone licking my doorbell, I wouldn't call the police, I'd buy a Carolina Reaper and rub it all over the doorbell.
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Xmara
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Postby Xmara » Thu Jan 10, 2019 1:32 pm

Page wrote:If I found someone licking my doorbell, I wouldn't call the police, I'd buy a Carolina Reaper and rub it all over the doorbell.


Brilliant
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Sovaal
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Postby Sovaal » Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:03 pm

Better than 4 hours sucking the door knob.
Most of the time I have no idea what the hell I'm doing or talking about.

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Farnhamia
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Postby Farnhamia » Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:09 pm

Risottia wrote:
Western Vale Confederacy wrote:...Licking a doorbell?

I've ...

...uhmmmm...

...I guess I shouldn't tell you that.

No, you shouldn't. As I recall, it added a century to the Dark Ages.
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Farnhamia
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Postby Farnhamia » Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:10 pm

The blAAtschApen wrote:
Free Arabian Nation wrote:What about the god of licking doorbells?


I misread and suddenly thought "doorballs"

Which brings us back to the genitalia.

:roll:

PG-13, please, people.
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And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water ...
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<Sigh> NSG...where even the atheists are Augustinians. ~ The Archregimancy
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Purpelia
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Postby Purpelia » Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:32 pm

Page wrote:If I found someone licking my doorbell, I wouldn't call the police, I'd buy a Carolina Reaper and rub it all over the doorbell.

Or rat poison. That works better. Put some superglue under it to make it stick and turn the cameras on so you can record the joy as it unfolds.
Purpelia does not reflect my actual world views. In fact, the vast majority of Purpelian cannon is meant to shock and thus deliberately insane. I just like playing with the idea of a country of madmen utterly convinced that everyone else are the barbarians. So play along or not but don't ever think it's for real.


The above post contains hyperbole, metaphoric language, embellishment and exaggeration. It may also include badly translated figures of speech and misused idioms. Analyze accordingly.
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Valrifell
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Postby Valrifell » Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:33 pm

Well, that's certainly a thing that happened.
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Farnhamia
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Postby Farnhamia » Thu Jan 10, 2019 5:25 pm

Valrifell wrote:Well, that's certainly a thing that happened.

Yes. Yes, it is. *snaps on a lock*
Make Earth Great Again: Stop Continental Drift!
And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water ...
"Make yourself at home, Frank. Hit somebody." RIP Don Rickles
My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right. ~ Carl Schurz
<Sigh> NSG...where even the atheists are Augustinians. ~ The Archregimancy
Now the foot is on the other hand ~ Kannap
RIP Dyakovo ... Ashmoria (Freedom ... or cake)
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