Applying to a Summer Internship

[Nicropolis]

Hi there all! I'm not sure if this is the right forum to place this in, but here I am. I'm trying to apply for a summer internship called SULI which provides internships for undergraduates to national laboratories. The application, due next week, I had to write 4 essays. I was wondering if anyone would like to read over one of mine (which I found the weakest) and help me out. Feel free to be as critical as you want - if there is something you didn't like in the essay, chances are, the employers will notice it as well. If anyone is in a similar situation, go ahead and write it here and I can critique yours as well!

Describe your professional, academic, or life experience and skills you have that enhance your ability to be an excellent contributing member to the SULI Program.

My most relevant experience as a mechanical engineering undergraduate has been in my machine shop class. There were two main projects in that class, one of them being the manufacture of a spinning gyroscope. I learned a lot about the manufacturing process and the machines that manufacturing engineers use to create parts. I was given some generic metal shapes, and was instructed to machine them down into the parts required to assemble the gyroscope. I read engineering drawings and used mills, lathes, drill presses, and CNC machines for this project. I formed the parts from start to finish while conducting precise measurements using calipers and micrometers to ensure the parts' accuracy.

After the completion of this class, I took a 3D printing orientation which now allows me to use the 3D printers in the engineering lab for personal and academic use. I learned how to create parts from scratch in Solidworks and publish them into the type of file that would allow me to set up the device for final part printing, along with some basic knowledge on how 3D printers work.

I have great ambition and competence to learn new things; with currently a nearly 3.8 GPA and a semester ahead in math. Even with this, I am still taking additional classes such as "Freshman Seminar: Join The Maker Revolution!" and "Introduction to Environmental Design." These classes are not required but I found them very engaging nonetheless and forced me to retreat from a computational thought process into a more artistic approach. For example, in the environmental design class, I was instructed to design an aesthetic sustainable landscape that could exist on campus. I have also participated in Habitat for Humanity on two occasions, both of which were positive experiences with admirable people.

I believe that I have much to offer to the SULI program as a well rounded individual with considerable strengths in STEM. I will be able to work effectively as an engineering undergraduate researcher. I can stay motivated and will do anything I can to help my colleagues.

[Likar]

2 things:

1: I skimmed over it, gg, but it needs more... human voice?
2: I think the mods would be calling this "homework assistance", so I think they might take this down.

[Green Baye]

Hi there all! I'm not sure if this is the right forum to place this in, but here I am. I'm trying to apply for a summer internship called SULI which provides internships for undergraduates to national laboratories. The application, due next week, I had to write 4 essays. I was wondering if anyone would like to read over one of mine (which I found the weakest) and help me out. Feel free to be as critical as you want - if there is something you didn't like in the essay, chances are, the employers will notice it as well. If anyone is in a similar situation, go ahead and write it here and I can critique yours as well!

Describe your professional, academic, or life experience and skills you have that enhance your ability to be an excellent contributing member to the SULI Program.

My most relevant experience as a mechanical engineering undergraduate has been in my machine shop class. There were two main projects in that class, one of them being the manufacture of a spinning gyroscope. I learned a lot about the manufacturing process and the machines that manufacturing engineers use to create parts. I was given some generic metal shapes, and was instructed to machine them down into the parts required to assemble the gyroscope. I read engineering drawings and used mills, lathes, drill presses, and CNC machines for this project. I formed the parts from start to finish while conducting precise measurements using calipers and micrometers to ensure the parts' accuracy.

After the completion of this class, I took a 3D printing orientation which now allows me to use the 3D printers in the engineering lab for personal and academic use. I learned how to create parts from scratch in Solidworks and publish them into the type of file that would allow me to set up the device for final part printing, along with some basic knowledge on how 3D printers work.

I have great ambition and competence to learn new things; with currently a nearly 3.8 GPA and a semester ahead in math. Even with this, I am still taking additional classes such as "Freshman Seminar: Join The Maker Revolution!" and "Introduction to Environmental Design." These classes are not required but I found them very engaging nonetheless and forced me to retreat from a computational thought process into a more artistic approach. For example, in the environmental design class, I was instructed to design an aesthetic sustainable landscape that could exist on campus. I have also participated in Habitat for Humanity on two occasions, both of which were positive experiences with admirable people.

I believe that I have much to offer to the SULI program as a well rounded individual with considerable strengths in STEM. I will be able to work effectively as an engineering undergraduate researcher. I can stay motivated and will do anything I can to help my colleagues.

You had to write 4 essays for a job your not getting paid to do? Wow.

Anyways seems like you did all that you could to convey your qualifications

[Green Baye]

2 things:

1: I skimmed over it, gg, but it needs more... human voice?
2: I think the mods would be calling this "homework assistance", so I think they might take this down.

Human voice? He’s not writing a novel he’s applying to a STEM job

[Kiruri]

2 things:

1: I skimmed over it, gg, but it needs more... human voice?
2: I think the mods would be calling this "homework assistance", so I think they might take this down.

Ditto.

I believe this may not be the right forum for this sort of "homework assistance". That said, TG'ing someone you're comfortable with might be acceptable. Either way, good luck!

[Nicropolis]

1: I skimmed over it, gg, but it needs more... human voice?
2: I think the mods would be calling this "homework assistance", so I think they might take this down.

1. I think I know what you mean. It's written in a very technical way. I wasn't exactly sure what to do here, I was just trying to "write to the audience." I might poke around and see if I can change any of the "technical" words into more "human" words.
2. Also, after you mention this, I see now in the rules that there is a one liner:

Requests for assistance with homework in any forum are forbidden.

But I don't think this is considered homework, so I'm not worried.

You had to write 4 essays for a job your not getting paid to do? Wow.
Anyways seems like you did all that you could to convey your qualifications

I think they will give me a stipend. And thanks, that was my goal.

Thanks to everyone who replied, I appreciate all the help/criticism!

[Cannot think of a name]

Learn from the best.

[Saiwania]

If a paid internship is at stake, this is your time to shine. If you get it, you're set. If you fail to get it- it could be the end of everything you worked towards. The worst case is that you amount to nothing like me. If you lose an unpaid internship though, its not as big of a deal. A lot of indications are that an unpaid internship doesn't look as good on a resume as just not mentioning it if what it entailed isn't relevant to what you're applying for.

Probably better to include it if its your only experience, but if you have more to work with- your paid work experience impresses people more if you weren't fired for a period of time and were able to hold down that job.

[Nicropolis]

Learn from the best.

I'd better just give up now then.

Probably better to include it if its your only experience, but if you have more to work with- your paid work experience impresses people more if you weren't fired for a period of time and were able to hold down that job.

Thanks for your input. Obviously I would prefer something with pay/better pay, but at least with where I want to go, this could give me significant prestige.

[Bombadil]

I'd focus on one specific thing that really taught you something.. from your above piece I think this might be an area:

Even with this, I am still taking additional classes such as "Freshman Seminar: Join The Maker Revolution!" and "Introduction to Environmental Design." These classes are not required but I found them very engaging nonetheless and forced me to retreat from a computational thought process into a more artistic approach. For example, in the environmental design class, I was instructed to design an aesthetic sustainable landscape that could exist on campus.

I'd reduce a lot of what you wrote to the minimum and expand this part in terms of how it altered your thinking. The thing is they'll receive a lot of dry descriptions of experience, you're not going to stand out with doing similar..

[Purpelia]

If a paid internship is at stake, this is your time to shine. If you get it, you're set. If you fail to get it- it could be the end of everything you worked towards. The worst case is that you amount to nothing like me. If you lose an unpaid internship though, its not as big of a deal. A lot of indications are that an unpaid internship doesn't look as good on a resume as just not mentioning it if what it entailed isn't relevant to what you're applying for.

Don't be so dramatic. Not being picked for paid internships and even jobs is no big deal. I must have struck out in dozens o places before I finally got a job. And yet I now have a very good job.

----------------------------
Adding to what others already said don't feel afraid to add personal experience not from a job setting. Like for example my CV proudly hosts the sum total list of all my game modding. And that actually helped me land my current job as a game developer.

Bottom line is everything you did in your life, as long as its not completely trivial in scope can be considered useful. Just make sure to tailor the things you keep in your CV to the place you are applying to and throw out things that shouldn't concern them.

[Old Tyrannia]

This may not be homework help exactly, but it's close enough to fall foul of our rules against the latter.