[SUBMITTED] - Picky Eaters

[Sacara]

[Title] Picky Eaters
[Desc] Internet celebrity @@RANDOMNAME(1)@@ has recently generated a lot of negative attention towards @@NAME@@ after going on a Twitcher storm where @@HE(1)@@ complained about the lack of restaurants catering towards vegans, such as @@HIM(1)@@self.
[Validity] does not have vegetarianism

[option] "It was absolutely, like insane, that no places I went to had any food options for people like me," rants @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME(1)@@ on @@HIS@@ Twitcher account. "I had to go through seven restaurants in @@ANIMAL@@ City before I even found one with any sort of vegan option, and even that was a tiny salad that no bigger than my hand! If @@LEADER@@ was smart, every restaurant and every public place would be forced to have more than one vegan option on their menu. It wouldn’t hurt to be a little healthier either, right?"
[effect] greens sprinkle the menu of every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurant

[option] "Bah! Don’t listen to that green-thumbed nut job!" counters the manager of one of the restaurants @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME(1)@@ visited, obviously furious at the negative attention. "If businesses don’t want to have a menu with a vegan option, why should the government stick its hand where it isn't wanted? My customers want the finest meats around, and it'd be nice if we can get a little extra cash to help out with the costs, ya know?."
[effect] the only greens in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diet are the occasional herbs on a nice steak

[option] "That young celebrity might actually be onto something now," mutters your Minister of Progressive Thinking and Eating, happens to be preparing peppers in the corner of your office. "We don’t actually need meat in our diets at all, and it is probably proven that people who are vegan live longer. I think you ought to ban meat entirely, in the name of helping our poor citizens from hurting themselves."
[effect] steaks are rare in @@NAME@@

[Sacara]

I'm a little rusty at the whole issue thing; I haven't drafted one in quite some time.

Whilst drafting this, I could not think of a title for the life of me. I just threw the current one on at the very end so I would at least have something, as well as the one for option two a/b. I would appreciate feedback, especially regarding those two areas.

[Australian rePublic]

This issue is about 20 years too late

[Sacara]

This issue is about 20 years too late

https://www.google.com/amp/s/abc7.com/a ... s/4839002/

[Candlewhisper Archive]

The premise works, the options are competent. The effect lines kinda stink, the title isn't great (as you said), and the chosen actions of the speakers aren't really raising a smile.

I think you need to find the funny, basically. You've got a great premise to hang jokes onto, so go hang jokes on it. In terms of narrative, this is an entirely sound issue. It's just not funny yet.

[Verdant Haven]

Is there any particular reason it's a foreign celebrity? Seems like domestic celebrity is more likely to get the attention of the government over something as petty as this. I mean, if an Englishman tweeted that the US didn't have a good cup of tea to be found, we'd probably laugh and say "yeah, probably." If veganism is so unusual in @@NAME@@ that only a foreign celebrity would feel the need to comment on a lack of service, then is it really a relevant issue within @@NAME@@ itself?

Regarding the effects text for option 1, restaurants not having vegan options is not "persecution of vegans." Persecution implies a national policy of specifically harming or harassing them. Not catering to an irrelevant market force is just normal operation for any business. If somebody thinks they are a relevant market force, they can demonstrate it by opening their own shop.

Options 2 and 3 are only distinguished by the term "CEO" and "manager" - there's no need to split the option for that. The term "manager" works for both capitalist and non-capitalist enterprises. Either way though, this is doing nothing as presently written - it's just saying "leave the status quo, where restaurants serve whatever they want." To make it actually distinct as an option, they would have to be suggesting an active step, like perhaps banning veganism for being "bad for the economy" or "incompatible with our evolutionary past" or something else. THIS is where you could actually start persecuting vegans.

Option 4 there's a grammatical slip in the dialogue tag - probably should be "who happens to be..." There's a word replacement needed in the final clause - it would work better as "helping our poor citizens avoid hurting..." I do like this effect line :-D

[Australian rePublic]

They're legislating it? F%%k me dead, America, why did you shovs all your idipts in one state?

[Jutsa]

They're legislating it? F%%k me dead, America, why did you shovs all your idipts in one state?

I was gonna argue against it but then I thought "Maybe it's California".

Surely enough it's California.

[Sacara]

The premise works, the options are competent. The effect lines kinda stink, the title isn't great (as you said), and the chosen actions of the speakers aren't really raising a smile.

I think you need to find the funny, basically. You've got a great premise to hang jokes onto, so go hang jokes on it. In terms of narrative, this is an entirely sound issue. It's just not funny yet.

Yup, as I suspected. For the life of me, I couldn't think of a title or some effect lines. I'm taking suggestions for effect lines 1 & 2 and the title.

Is there any particular reason it's a foreign celebrity? Seems like domestic celebrity is more likely to get the attention of the government over something as petty as this. I mean, if an Englishman tweeted that the US didn't have a good cup of tea to be found, we'd probably laugh and say "yeah, probably." If veganism is so unusual in @@NAME@@ that only a foreign celebrity would feel the need to comment on a lack of service, then is it really a relevant issue within @@NAME@@ itself?

Regarding the effects text for option 1, restaurants not having vegan options is not "persecution of vegans." Persecution implies a national policy of specifically harming or harassing them. Not catering to an irrelevant market force is just normal operation for any business. If somebody thinks they are a relevant market force, they can demonstrate it by opening their own shop.

Options 2 and 3 are only distinguished by the term "CEO" and "manager" - there's no need to split the option for that. The term "manager" works for both capitalist and non-capitalist enterprises. Either way though, this is doing nothing as presently written - it's just saying "leave the status quo, where restaurants serve whatever they want." To make it actually distinct as an option, they would have to be suggesting an active step, like perhaps banning veganism for being "bad for the economy" or "incompatible with our evolutionary past" or something else. THIS is where you could actually start persecuting vegans.

Option 4 there's a grammatical slip in the dialogue tag - probably should be "who happens to be..." There's a word replacement needed in the final clause - it would work better as "helping our poor citizens avoid hurting..." I do like this effect line :-D

I changed the celebrity from being a foreign celebrity to a domestic one. I also removed the doppelganger. I'll add something to option two to make it more active, as well. As I said earlier, I just threw together some effects because I couldn't think of anyone.

Thanks for the feedback.

[Australian rePublic]

They're legislating it? F%%k me dead, America, why did you shovs all your idipts in one state?

I was gonna argue against it but then I thought "Maybe it's California".

Surely enough it's California.

Yep. California (and more specifically, the liberal parts). The place where America shoves all its idiots

[Verdant Haven]

I was gonna argue against it but then I thought "Maybe it's California".

Surely enough it's California.

Yep. California (and more specifically, the liberal parts). The place where America shoves all its idiots

Yeah... let's leave the real life politics to real-life politics threads, and keep this one about in-game issues, eh?

[Jutsa]

Besides, California's got smart people, and the rest of the US has dumb people.

Love the issue here, though, Sacara. I myself wouldn't mind a few more vegetarian places around,
but I make do with what regular restaurants have to offer. Every one I've been to, fortunately, has non-meat options,
so I've not really had this issue before.

One thing I'd like to note, however, is that this is currently set up in a way that only allows for nations with internet to receive it.

@@NAME@@ City

@@CAPITAL@@? @@ANIMAL@@ City?

mutters your Minister of Progressive Thinking and Eating, happens to be

who happens* (I know, tiny suggestion.)

Also, option 2 seems a little capitalist. Perhaps a communist version would do nicely?

it is probably proven

love this.

[New Ladavia]

Maybe for addition to one of the options or effect line highlight the non-meat burgers? While I haven't eaten one or burgers, in general, it certainly has gotten a lot of advertising and publicity in Canada.

[Trotterdam]

I'd think that even people who aren't vegetarians wouldn't want to eat meat for every single meal.

Except in the US, maybe.

[Jutsa]

I'd think that even people who aren't vegetarians wouldn't want to eat meat for every single meal.

Except in the US, maybe.

Eh yeah, my grandfather and father are both testament of this.
Course, the rest of my family eats fish, and basically every time they go out, so...
guess it's only me in my family who would find this an issue.

[Sacara]

I'd think that even people who aren't vegetarians wouldn't want to eat meat for every single meal.

Except in the US, maybe.

There is some type of meat in 99% of my meals. I'm really not a salad person, but I will make do for formal occasions. Though, I live in Iowa. Everyone eats meat all the time here.

Still, I would love to hear suggestions for titles. I'll work on incorporating the above suggestions, including injecting more humor into the issue as a whole, but I still can't think of a title for the life of me.

[Sacara]

Updated option two, with a new effect line.

Still thinking of an effect line for option one and a title.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Title idea: "Lettuce be Free"

Suggestion for an effect line for 1: veggie appetizers get promoted to the entrée list in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ menus

----

It's OK, I know where the door is.

[Sacara]

Uh...

Still looking for a title. I like how this draft looks, just not the title.

[Jutsa]

Really? I'm quite fond of FuF's "Lettuce Be Free" myself.

[Sacara]

I dunno.

Any more title ideas? That's really the only thing holding me back at this point from submitting it.

[Sacara]

I've tentatively changed the title to "Picky Eaters". What do you guys think of the new title?

[Sacara]

Putting on last call.

[Bears Armed]

Re the Effect line on option 1: Some restaurants not offering a vegan option = persecution? Seriously?!?

[Sacara]

Re the Effect line on option 1: Some restaurants not offering a vegan option = persecution? Seriously?!?

Looks like the joke didn’t land. I’ll try to think of something else.