[ACCEPTED!]Married with benefits?

[South Ccanda]

Look, I don't mean to submit every draft, just keep in mind I have a wild paranoia that will affect me until I die. Ill try to wait much longer before I submit the final draft.

Also, I'm not quite sure why its bad that effect one is restating the option, I thought that that's what it was supposed to be like.

I can try to change the last two options to be based more towards the base issue, but I'm not even sure how to add it in, considering the description states that there was only two other people in the office besides leader. Maybe in the redraft, I could make it be a scene at a family reunion instead.

FYI - the usual drafting period is closer to 2 weeks, not 2 days - plenty of folks with valuable feedback to offer aren't necessarily going to have had time to see it, reflect, and compose a reply. As a recent entrant to the world of issue writing myself, I understand your eagerness here, but definitely give it some time! This is a good issue and deserves a successful draft process - not disappearance and disappointment.

Again, I'll try to wait longer but the way the rules read on idea theft are too vague and somewhat against OPs

I did in fact submit Draft 2 though, so now that I know that that draft will be struck down from existence, I will begin on draft three and maybe not submit it as soon as the thread dies.

[The Free Joy State]

Also, I'm not quite sure why its bad that effect one is restating the option, I thought that that's what it was supposed to be like.

Effect lines are not restating the option. They can be a surprising unexpected outcome, or a humorous twist of the option, or a twist on a well-known idiom that relates to the option selected.

Again, I'll try to wait longer but the way the rules read on idea theft are too vague and somewhat against OPs

While there's no rule to say that someone else could not draft an issue on getting married for a green-card, there are rules to prevent stealing your draft.

If someone else happens to write an issue on the same topic -- and both are completely different and good enough -- both could be accepted to the pool. Then, whichever is picked up first makes it into the game.

Sometimes, happenstance does cause two people to have the same idea at the same time (it's happened backstage: editors have had issues on the same subject as another editor or a player and the editor's draft has had to be discarded when the other is worked on -- that happened with a draft of mine; it's hard to lose good work, but it can happen through no fault of your own).

If, however, someone literally copies your draft (using the same text) that would be referred to Moderation accordingly. The Issues' team do not like plagiarism and the Mods do not accept it.

Just take your time. It's better to take your time and get a really good draft than risk it by submitting too soon.

[Verdant Haven]

With the effect text, restating the option is what many of the early issues did, but is considered dull and passé now. The current style is for effect text tends towards exploration of the unintended side-effects of a choice, preferably with a bit of a humor. A couple quick examples:

Did you ban immigration? Now there are bidding wars for potatoes because farms lack workers.

Did you install strict laws for hunting licenses? Now people can't stomp on spiders in their home without paying for a permit.

Did you prohibit wild animals from throwing lumber? Now wood chucks may not chuck wood.

Look for something that will bring a chuckle and a face-palm, or perhaps will really play up the fact that absolutely nothing in governing is as simple as we make it out to be here in NS.

[South Ccanda]

DRAFT 3 IS UP!!!!

[South Ccanda]

Draft 3

[Title] Married with Benefits?

[VALIDITY] Country allows immigration and marriage.

[Description] While attending your distant cousins wedding, you hear shouting ring through the air. As you push past the eldest attendees of the wedding who seem to have formed a ring around the situation, you find your cousin and his new wife.

[Option 1] "I have been swindled!" exclaims your cousin. "I thought she loved me! but it turns out all I'm worth is a green card! I spent an absolute fortune on this wedding! I suggest you make it illegal for these scam artists to bribe us with love just for the sake of being here."

[Effect] Is there really any difference between a crook and a green card spouse? (This honesly just seems racist, but I can’t think of anything else remotely witty)


[Option 2] "Please, @@LEADER@@, you must not deport me!" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, your new cousin. "When I failed the citizenship exam, I was distraught. But then, I met him, and I finally knew I had a chance for a better life. Besides, he’s SO cheap, these flowers are wax! You must make serious reform in immigration so people like me don't have to marry into citizenship."

[Effect] The citizenship exam now has only 5 questions, including, "What color is the sky?" as 5 bonus points.


[Option 3] “This makes me wonder if we could really make something of this?” Says your Aunt. “What if we had a sort-of foreign exchange dating program! If the person truly loves the person they have been matched with, they can get their citizenship and be a free married couple here in @@NAME@@, and maybe make a TV show out of it too!”

[Effect] The new reality TV drama, “Seeking Immigrant Wife” is taking the nation by storm

[Verdant Haven]

Alright - I've got a couple suggestions and corrections here. Hope they help!

[Description] While attending your distant cousins wedding, you hear shouting ring through the air. As you push past the eldest attendees of the wedding who seem to have formed a ring around the situation, you find your cousin and his new wife.

- Need an apostrophe to make "cousin's wedding" possessive
- Need a comma after "eldest attendees of the wedding"
- I would add something small to the description of the cousin and wife. Just finding them is nothing, but perhaps you find them in tears? I suspect both would be crying (for different reasons) in this situation, and it would add some emotional strength to the issue.

[Option 1] "I have been swindled!" exclaims your cousin. "I thought she loved me! but it turns out all I'm worth is a green card! I spent an absolute fortune on this wedding! I suggest you make it illegal for these scam artists to bribe us with love just for the sake of being here."

How does your cousin know he has been swindled? "I thought she loved me, but she just told me she only did it for the citizenship! I spent..." would explain how this situation developed as it did, and would help clean up the issue with "green card" being USA-centric. I would also remove the "I suggest you..." and turn it in to a demand: "You need to make it illegal..." This cousin is probably not in the mood for polite discourse.

[Effect] Is there really any difference between a crook and a green card spouse? (This honesly just seems racist, but I can’t think of anything else remotely witty)

How about "immigration agents have replaced officiants at the wedding alter" as a possibility? That removes the other part of the "green card" problem, and should remove any tinges or discomfort about racism. I also find that idea a bit humorous, while not straying from the narrative.

[Option 2] "Please, @@LEADER@@, you must not deport me!" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, your new cousin. "When I failed the citizenship exam, I was distraught. But then, I met him, and I finally knew I had a chance for a better life. Besides, he’s SO cheap, these flowers are wax! You must make serious reform in immigration so people like me don't have to marry into citizenship."

- No comma needed after "But then"
- I think the phrasing "You must make serious reforms in immigration policy so..." or "You must seriously reform immigration policy so..." would be slightly more correct
- There may be space for her to at least very briefly argue why she should be allowed in - just a couple words saying that she is a good person, or will be a loyal citizen, or whatnot, to give some weight to the argument why people like her deserve citizenship.

[Effect] The citizenship exam now has only 5 questions, including, "What color is the sky?" as 5 bonus points.

Due to how effect lines are displayed, they need to be fairly short and should avoid commas (also, there's no capital letter on the front or period on the end). Potential replacements here, depending on if you allow the bride one of the arguments above, could be things like "the citizenship test is optional for self-avowed good people" or "the only citizenship test is repeating the words of the loyalty oath"

[Option 3] “This makes me wonder if we could really make something of this?” Says your Aunt. “What if we had a sort-of foreign exchange dating program! If the person truly loves the person they have been matched with, they can get their citizenship and be a free married couple here in @@NAME@@, and maybe make a TV show out of it too!”

- lowercase for "says" and "aunt" in the first sentence
- "If the person truly loves the person they have been matched with, they can..." is an awkward sentence - it could be simplified as "If contestants truly fall in love, they can..."
- I would separate the TV show idea in to its own sentence. As written, it's the new couple who is making the TV show.

[Effect] The new reality TV drama, “Seeking Immigrant Wife” is taking the nation by storm

Just for a bit of referential/humor value, "nation" could be replaced by "border" ("storming the border" being a certain illegal entry tactic).

[South Ccanda]

Thank you @Verdent Haven for all the grammatical suggestion, I've implemented (Most) Of them in the edited draft 3

[Australian rePublic]

Ja. I thought with green card marriages, both parties were in on it

[South Ccanda]

Ja. I thought with green card marriages, both parties were in on it

Well, I wouldn't know anything about that, I'm still in grade school

[Australian rePublic]

Ja. I thought with green card marriages, both parties were in on it

Well, I wouldn't know anything about that, I'm still in grade school

Well I don't know anything about that either. I'm a virgin and I don't plan to circumvent any nation's laws. However, I have seen a lot of TV (especially American TV)

[South Ccanda]

Well, I wouldn't know anything about that, I'm still in grade school

Well I don't know anything about that either. I'm a virgin and I don't plan to circumvent any nation's laws. However, I have seen a lot of TV (especially American TV)

uhh, what american tv show has a green card marriage?

[Verdant Haven]

Ja. I thought with green card marriages, both parties were in on it

There can be situations where both parties are in on it, and there can be situations where one side is unaware. Certainly in a "mail-order bride" situation, there's a certain understanding on both ends that it is a business arrangement, but in others it is a single manipulator using a target/victim that they meet through normal channels. Oddly enough, I have a (distant) family member who was the victim in one of these latter types - all love and smiles until independent legal residency was established, and then bam - out the door like lightning.

[South Ccanda]

so uhh, does everyone agree that the draft is good or are there anymore adjustments I should make?

[Baggieland]

We're getting there, but we aren't quite there yet.

All your options are still lacking a specific action that LEADER should implement.

Option 1: you just say 'make it illegal', but to what extent? Will it be law that a couple have to stay together for a fixed amount of time, or will immigration be banned completely, or something else?

Option 2: 'make serious reform'. What reform? Open up the borders completely for unchecked immigration, or a no questions asked policy for mail-order brides, or something else?

Option 3: this is better, but try to make the rules of the game a bit clearer. Who matches them up, what trials do they go through to prove their love, what happens to those that fail the test? Stuff like that, but not all of it!!

he’s SO cheap, these flowers are wax!

I like this, a bit more humour is always good, can you fit in any other comedic lines?

As you push past the eldest attendees of the wedding

This requires an 'allows elderly' validity. As the above line has no bearing on anything in the issue, I would drop it.

[South Ccanda]

Thank you, i would like to say first, Allows elderly? lol, I didn't even realise you could neutralize the elderly thats awful.

also, I will get to work on those suggestions.

[South Ccanda]

okay, so this is experimental, like, very experimental, what if for option two, I did this?

"Please, @@LEADER@@, you must not deport me!" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, your new cousin. "When I failed the citizenship exam, I was distraught. But then I met him, and I finally knew I had a chance for a better life. Besides, he’s SO cheap, these flowers are wax! This dress is terry cloth for Violets sake! You must seriously reform immigration policy so that the citizenship exam is more...."

[Effect] .....

I obviously don't see this idea flying far, it's just out there.

[Verdant Haven]

As you push past the eldest attendees of the wedding

This requires an 'allows elderly' validity. As the above line has no bearing on anything in the issue, I would drop it.

Just a quibble here, but it does say "eldest" rather than "elderly." Regardless of if the elderly are euthanized, there will be some folks who are the eldest present, and in a family drama, would conceivably be the "first responders" taking charge

[Baggieland]

This requires an 'allows elderly' validity. As the above line has no bearing on anything in the issue, I would drop it.

Just a quibble here, but it does say "eldest" rather than "elderly." Regardless of if the elderly are euthanized, there will be some folks who are the eldest present, and in a family drama, would conceivably be the "first responders" taking charge

Yeah, my bad. Eldest isn't elderly. Sorry. But that line is still irrelevant and needs dropping!

[South Ccanda]

Just a quibble here, but it does say "eldest" rather than "elderly." Regardless of if the elderly are euthanized, there will be some folks who are the eldest present, and in a family drama, would conceivably be the "first responders" taking charge

Yeah, my bad. Eldest isn't elderly. Sorry. But that line is still irrelevant and needs dropping!

Okay, I replaced eldest with youngest, an considering that young people love drama as well as old people plus their immaturity, I found a way to incorporate more humor into it.

[Description] While attending your distant cousin’s wedding, you hear shouting ring through the air. As you push past the youngest attendees of the wedding, who seem to have formed a ring around the situation chanting about a fight, you find your cousin and his new wife both in tears.

basically, they are egging on the fight.


also, I din't really want to go into detail about the show in option 3, because if i did that, then I would need to drop some other stuff or else it would be too long.the show is really just comedic affect, but I did change the affect a bit.
[Effect] Losers of “Seeking Immigrant Wife” are booed out of @@NAME@@


ALSOALSO, this is option 1 and its new effect

[Option 1] "I have been swindled!" exclaims your cousin. "I thought she loved me, but she just told me she only did it for the citizenship!I spent an absolute fortune on this wedding! You must make it so that they must prove that they truly love the person they are marrying."

[Effect] The citizenship exam is easier that the spousal love exam.

[Baggieland]

[Description] While attending your distant cousin’s wedding, you hear shouting ring through the air. As you push past the youngest attendees of the wedding, who seem to have formed a ring around the situation chanting about a fight, you find your cousin and his new wife both in tears.

basically, they are egging on the fight.

So LEADER's cousin and his new wife are having an argument at the altar, and everyone there is egging on the fight - that's brilliant!! Unfortunately, you haven't communicated that too well in the description:

[DESCRIPTION] You finally get a day off from addressing issues as you get to attend your cousin's wedding. However, upon arrival at the ceremony you notice there is a mighty argument between your relative and his newlywed, with those in the assemblage, mostly your relatives, egging on the fight.

Now you can go into the options.

[Option 1] "I have been swindled!" exclaims your cousin. "I thought she loved me, but she just told me she only did it for the citizenship!I spent an absolute fortune on this wedding! You must make it so that they must prove that they truly love the person they are marrying."

"You must make it so that they must prove that they truly love the person they are marrying". = HOW???!!!!

As an editor, I must assign stats to each option, so each option must tell me which stats to assign! What action does LEADER need to take to ensure that foreigners are not marrying just for a green-card?

[South Ccanda]

[Option 1] "I have been swindled!" exclaims your cousin. "I thought she loved me, but she just told me she only did it for the citizenship!I spent an absolute fortune on this wedding! You must assign a test to everyone who marries in @@NAME@@ to ensure that they actually love each other."

[Effect] The citizenship exam is easier that the spousal love exam.

how about this instead? this seems like the perfect thing to raise authoritarianism and ideological radicality

[USS Monitor]

[Option 2] "Please, @@LEADER@@, you must not deport me!" sobs @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, your new cousin. "When I failed the citizenship exam, I was distraught. But then I met him, and I finally knew I had a chance for a better life. Besides, he’s SO cheap, these flowers are wax! This dress is terry cloth for Violets sake! You must seriously reform immigration policy so that the citizenship exam "

It looks like part of the last sentence got cut off here.

Also, regarding your concerns that you expressed about having your idea stolen, that's not something that happens regularly, and submitting a substandard draft because you were in a rush will only decrease the odds of yours being used.

[South Ccanda]

thank you, I've fixed the cut-off sentence

[New Ladavia]

You might want to have an option supporting marrying for citizenship (Probably doesn't need to be implemented) however if you do a good effect line would be:
the only citizenship exam one must take is a marriage vow
Otherwise great improvement.

[South Ccanda]

You might want to have an option supporting marrying for citizenship (Probably doesn't need to be implemented) however if you do a good effect line would be:
the only citizenship exam one must take is a marriage vow
Otherwise great improvement.

well, wouldn't that be option 3? plus, if i were to make an option in which you describe, that would mean exactly nothing would happen, it would be more efficient to just hit the dismiss issue button.