as a cross between another premise idea I had and the title I for some reason thought along the lines of. >_>
Draft 1.11
Title: Several Thousand @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Dance Into a Bar
The Issue: More and more citizens are reporting sightings of animals, particularly those that live in urban areas, behaving strangely since the nation's water supply was drugged, ranging from carelessness and daredevilry to frantically dancing, often to death.
Validity: The water supply is drugged.
Option 1: "You guys are the greatest in every way — especially you, dearest @@LEADER@@ — but this contamination is destroying our environment!" exclaims recreational urban habitat observer @@RANDOMNAME@@, sipping from a completely safe glass of government-approved tap water. "My colleagues and I all witnessed as a colony of mice bayed at a statue of you. Of course, I see something like that every day... but still, all of us saw it this time! You have to cut back on the water drugging!"
[effect] city dwellers are cynical of the cynical country dwellers
Validity: Pets are legal
Option 2: "Woah, who cares about, like, a few pesky rats? This water is, like, poisoning our pets, dude," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an excessive pet owner who was particularly thirsty this morning. "Ya don't have to, like, stop stoning the water, but maybe you should sell some safe water specifishishily for pets or whatever. You could even make it taste funny to make people not wanna drink it. Like, maybe my bunnies won't try to breathe water anymore."
[effect] moldy cheese water tastes surprisingly alright for a few hours
Option 3: "Listen to this buffoonery-talk of suicidal rodents; it's obvious there is a problem, but not just with animals," suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, a sociologist who's secretly been drinking from pond water that's not been government-approved. "Drugging our water supply is truly despicable, and you bottom feeders must stop it at once! It is hurting our environment, as it is hurting our civilization, and the idea is frankly pond scum. I-" @@HE@@ coughs up a little minnow.
[effect] hyperawareness and paranoia are accompanying the nationwide drug withdrawal
Option 4: "Listen to these dissidents; the drugs clearly aren't powerful enough!" exclaims your Minister of Crowd Control and author of the controversial book Utopia: @@NAME@@ On Steroids. "If anything, we've got to dump MORE into the water supply! So what if a few people start reacting like the animals? It's better than everyone wising up to our plan."
[effect] doctors are having trouble telling an acute appendicitis from an obtuse drug effect