Nicholls Enterprises Purchases National Football Team, Announces Plans to Introduce Female Players at Next Year's World Bowl
by: Alda Piazza
The official logo for the National Baseball Team's Stand Up to Sexism Campaign (OOC: This logo was made by North Prarie.)
In a major victory for the Stand Up to Sexism Campaign, Nicholls Enterprises purchased the National Football Team today from retiring coach Jak Hamilton for 100 million thalers. That this sale comes so soon after the National Football Team's 9-3 victory over the Main Nation Ministry in the World Bowl XXXV third place game is a major surprise to observers of sports business, but everybody expected Coach Hamilton to sell his team. Equally surprising is the buyer: Nicholls Enterprises, the mega-corporation owned by Consul Robert Nicholls, father of Liberty Party presumptive nominee for Consul Scarlett Nicholls who has been a vocal critic of Hamilton's views regarding women in football. Consul Nicholls announced the purchase from the Nicholls Enterprises corporate branch office in Republica.
During the press conference announcing the sale of this team, Consul Nicholls openly stated his strategy for leading the National Football Team into a future that will hopefully include multiple World Bowl titles: "First of all, we will be fully integrating the National Football Team going forward. It is unacceptable for a national sports team to exclude one half of the population of our great Federation with sexist policies just as it would be unacceptable for a national sports team to exclude players on account of their background as immigrants or the children of immigrants. We wish to create an inclusive National Football Team that reflects who we are and we will hire a coach who believes in the direction our Federation is going rather than hearkening back to those dark days of a decade ago. As your Acting Senior Consul for these many years, I have sought to return this nation, which my son Veleik and his Legion fought to set free, to normalcy. In the past 15 years, I have been falsely blamed for an assassination that was likely carried out by the Holy Party. I have had my property vandalized by angry mobs. I have been forced to flee my own country. I have been imprisoned by a Junior Consul who was being controlled by some sinister robot network accidentally created by one of our Federation's major technology companies. I have even faced a number of Republics rebelling against my Federation Government, founding a terror state and waging guerilla warfare against our nation. These have often been dark times for our Federation but I have always done everything in my power to fight the darkness with every ounce of my energy and, in doing so, restore this nation to her former glory that we all took for granted just 15 short years ago before various evil men and evil women wrecked havoc upon our glorious country, which has always been Freedom's True Home. Now, with my career as your Consul winding down, I will be putting my efforts going forward into guiding our National Football Team as an owner who will let the football people make football decisions while expecting the team to reflect what is best about our Federation and to perform at a level that makes all of us proud."
The announcement was met with widespread acclaim throughout Republican sports. Quarterback Kayleigh Clarke of the Baseton Babes, a team in the Northern Lingerie Football League, called the decision "a historic moment for women's football. I am so happy that the National Football Team will now provide an opportunity for women to play real football, not touch football in skimpy outfits. It is about time that somebody decided to move the sport of football forward towards the full gender equality that has been achieved in other sports like baseball." However, not everybody was pleased with the decision. National Football Team starting quarterback Wibe Rus, who is coming off of a historically bad performance in World Bowl XXXV, called the decision "a complete farce that shows that Consul Nicholls knows absolutely nothing about football. While I love women like my mother and my beautiful girlfriend Henriette Lecuyer, they simply do not belong on the football field and I refuse to play for any team that permits a woman to play. Their bodies are just too fragile to play football and its such a shame that nations like Cassadaigua and I assume the Nicholls Enterprises Free Republics team that I won't be playing for would put women on the football field, exposing them to extremely high risk of severe injuries. What ever happened to the traditional idea that men are supposed to protect women?" I imagine everybody who watched the Free Republics National Team at the recent World Bowl will be pleased to hear that Rus has quit as the team's quarterback and it would not surprise me if Consul Nicholls found a girl who can throw the ball better than he can in time for the next World Bowl!
Consul Nicholls also announced the creation of the Nicholls Enterprises Football League (NEFL), a new nationwide football league that will include 64 teams and which will become one of the first leagues in Republican football to permit both men and women to play on the same teams on the same field at the same time. The National Baseball Team will be wearing an NEFL logo patch on their jerseys for tonight's Game 4 against Newmanistan. The game will be broadcast on FBC, which was announced as one of the NEFL's broadcast partners at today's Nicholls Enterprises press conference and FBC's broadcast will likely spend a great deal of time promoting the new football league which is expected to be a feeder for the new Republican National Football Team.
Alda Piazza is the youngest daughter of the late Consul Venicio Piazza. She is a graduate of the Keronama Republic University School of Journalism with a minor in business and Sporting World's sports business correspondent.