Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **Nephara** » Sat Mar 24, 2018 3:14 pm

Matchday 35: Serpentine haven't really done much of note this season so far, but their lethal strikers fired them to a 5-2 win over North Sabrefell, fast and direct football bypassing the Bohemians' midfield entirely. Crisisbless Athletic are the big losers at the bottom, beating Coret 1-0 against the run of play with half an hour to go. But then Qatintiki comes racing out to sweep the ball away... and airswings, letting substitute Stokes smugly roll the equaliser home, before fellow substitute Jozan Moreland thumps home the winner from outside the box in injury time. Gonen's also grab a vital win, Wynona Short's deflected strike enough to see off Ritter.

Matchday 36: A few real six-pointers, most obviously another scrappy 1-0 home win for Gonen's over a toothless Athletic, constantly undermined by clumsy, heavy attacking, but the most impressive result of all belongs to Crossroads Town. Visiting Belgrave? That's not meant to be an easy prospect. But the Gargoyles don't take their chances, a single goal aside, with Rainer Burgnich decisive for the Valiants. It's locked 1-1 at half-time, but something changes in the second half - Belgrave collapse, Crossroads score three more and take home the points, with young Laegjarn Martyn the star of the show.

Matchday 37: Belgrave's flirtation with being terrible continues with a third straight defeat - this time, they're pumped 3-0 by Vermillion Wanderers. Cheney Rutherford's lads have really benefited from some canny Audioslav signings in the offseason, both defender Zendegi and top scorer Kovaleski outstanding today. Chatswood have been forced to endure a mass clearout's consequences, and while their best players, like the midfield of Grear and Kouroglou, are able to stand up to North Sabrefell like few other clubs in the league, sloppy late defensive errors from backup leftback Dorran and substitute Blankman mean they choke away their half-time lead and lose 2-1.

Matchday 38: Crisisbless United have been basically invincible in the league so far... well, most of the time. But they're thoroughly outshined by Chenoworth Rovers, who just let them have all the possession they want while ruthlessly punishing them with counterattacks, set pieces and a genuine screamer from Misha Paterson, a 5-1 win the result. Coret's resurgence is violently and abruptly put to rest as Brookford maul them 4-0, Tanya Chilton continuing to look a class above in midfield. Crossroads, meanwhile, batter East Laithland 3-0 - say what you will about Lilas Sandoval, when it works for him, it really works.

Matchday 39: After four consecutive defeats, not so much as a goal in their last two, Belgrave unleash their frustrations on a hapless East Laithland, raining down goals and body blows until they have a 7-0 win to their name. It just doesn't look like the Harriers are going to make it out of this one. 1-0 away wins for Athletic and Coret heat things up at the bottom, but Ritter's visit to Chenoworth is excruciatingly poor, and a sequence of schoolboy errors and primitive tactics highlight how far the Stallions are falling.

Matchday 40: Gonen's Bridge make it four home 1-0 wins in a row, this time over Extreme Hills. The flying saves of Matthews, the staunch defence of Bartley and the quietly efficient Spinnett all play their part in the fight for survival, but it's 19-year old Casey Steward who comes off the bench to, uh, shoulder home the winning goal off an impeccable Short long free kick. Belgrave are dragged down to Sheridan's level and then kicked in the teeth for good measure, a gruelling scoreless draw that sees all three of Griffiths' substitutions enforced by injury. Nevertheless, Portia Bittroff's outstanding save of Mullen's penalty (retaken once for encroachment - how blatant do you have to be to actually get flagged for encroachment?) ensures a share of the points at the very least.

Matchday 41: Uncharacteristically, both of the top sides slip up - North Sabrefell find South Laithland difficult to lay a real hand on, and are only bailed out by a late equaliser from leftback Karagounis' hopeful smash, as a Hackett side that have happily flown under the radar overcome Crisisbless United. Sigrid Cooper, pretty good for them all season, is at fault for both the Chequers' first-half goals - flapping at Plath's cross for Schoenauer to nod home, then beaten at her near post by Antelmi - but atones for it by claiming Stamatellis' cross, rolling the ball forward, dribbling past four puzzled Chessmen and smashing a ball down the flank. Litton takes it, skins the last defender and stabs the winner past Sparwasser to seal a hugely impressive 3-2 comeback win.

Matchday 42: After these less than inspiring displays, the two horses racing for the title face one another - but perhaps the season's exertions are getting to the teams, neither one exactly renowned for its depth. A dull scoreless draw is the result, Crisisbless outplayed on home soil but the Bohemians simply unable to get anything past the formidable defensive partnership of Stokes and Banerman. Belgrave's troubles continue, as they allow Gonen's Bridge to snatch a point from the jaws of defeat with a late brace from, weirdly, winger Olenna Salthouse, who triples her tally for the season, while Chatswood, in the words of hulking forward Suttner (two goals and an assist), "devour" Locksley 4-1.

Matchday 43: The atmosphere at Stahlburg City is unpleasant, and by now it's very much fair to say that the ire has turned on manager Almuth Coppell after yet another midtable showing. #CoppellOut trends as the utterly blunt Smiths fail to get by Fyona Matthews in Gonen's goal, then get sucker-punched by David Sol and lose 1-0. Her contract runs out at the end of the season at any rate, having successfully stabilised the club and... not a whole lot else. While Crossroads, Locksley and Athletic would normally be happy enough with draws as Ritter almost don't lose to the Bohemians (but are ultimately undone by a screamer from Kranevitter in the 89th minute), Coret Rovers are the big winners at the bottom, pulverising East Laithland 4-1 away. Bess Gannon's managerial ability finally looks in the ballpark of his ego.

Matchday 44: Gonen's Bridge really should put East Laithland away, given the already (finally) relegated Harriers visit with nine defeats on the spin. But of course, they're not about to go down quietly or predictably. Bridge are pedestrian, perhaps too complacent for a team battling relegation concerns - they stroll into half-time 1-0 up and stagger out shellshocked an hour later, 4-1 losers. North Sabrefell destroy Athletic 3-0, Crisisbless United three-up them with a 6-0 thumping of Vermillion Wanderers while Stahlburg Rovers' predictably dreary campaign is made worse by a ruthless 5-1 shanking on home soil by a Belgrave side that still harbours promotion hopes despite their late slide.

Matchday 45: North Sabrefell trash Locksley 4-0, Crisisbless United eat Ritter 3-0 - easy wins, and is it any wonder those are the two at the top? They'll slug it out for the title, with South Laithland - who make short work of Athletic in a 4-1 win - secure in third. But Lilas Sandoval's Crossroads heroically turn back a half-time deficit to beat Chenoworth Rovers 3-2, opening things up in the race for the playoff place, as Belgrave, Brookford and Chatswood all win (in Chatswood's case, 6-0 over the Hounds), and all remain with a shot. Gonen's Bridge take a point from Sheridan, and it's enough to all-but-mathematically secure survival. Crossroads and Locksley are just above the drop, Athletic and Coret just below it, separated by one point. Ritter Town and East Laithland are relegated - the former nothing short of shambolic.

Cranequin City’s 3-0 thumping of Lazuli Diamonds allows them to lift the trophy a match early. Greygate, too, are in the clear, but below that it’s anyone’s game. Stonegrave and Mantlegrove have the advantage, but West Brinemouth, Lazuli and Pillars (who only have a goal a game) lie in wait to overtake them. At the bottom of the table, Martella and Barossia United are long gone. Alliance should by all rights have followed long ago, but maintain a slim chance of survival if they can win their final match. Kommissar currently sit in danger, with the Hanged Man somehow 20th despite scoring just 29 goals all season, and Peregrine (who have scored precisely twice as many) enjoying a healthy but not certain two-point and two-place lead on the drop zone.

Remarkably, Ox River almost failed to carry home the title, but fortunately had it sorted out a couple of weeks in advance by beating Pravenna. They flew home to parade the trophy in front of their home crowd, and evidently minds had wandered somewhat as they were hilariously pumped 4-0 by Aries Solitaire. Falston and the ex-Corinthians are also secure, with Ballardine, the insane Boltcroft and Kensey fighting over the last spot. Brookway Town and perennial yo-yo side Bodkin Road are both relegated, Seierstad and Ringway hoping to overtake Pravenna and Sirencall on the final day. Ingram Township, Gridlock, Downsparrow and Brunyard will replace them, while throwback club Sandrock (once a mediocre second-tier side in the pre-UICA days) are among those condemned to rot in the state leagues.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               45  28   8   9  98   48  +50  92
  2 Sabrefell Athletic       45  25  14   6  94   50  +44  89
  3 Crisisbless              45  27   8  10  67   37  +30  89
  4 Starling                 45  26  10   9  92   50  +42  88
  5 Sabrefell Moths          45  24  12   9  89   68  +21  84
  6 North Laithland          45  24   9  12  76   56  +20  81
  7 Newrook City             45  22  11  12  74   51  +23  77
  8 Chenoworth Harriers      45  21  13  11  59   38  +21  76
  9 Violence Chariots        45  19  15  11  69   51  +18  72
 10 AFC Treason              45  19  12  14  63   40  +23  69
 11 Vermillion Rage          45  18  12  15  59   48  +11  66
 12 Coret Hawks              45  18   8  19  55   64   -9  62
 13 Southfell United         45  15  15  15  60   60   +0  60
 14 Raven River              45  16  10  19  61   65   -4  58
 15 AFC Corvistone           45  16   9  20  56   72  -16  57
 16 Cypher Town              45  14  11  20  42   58  -16  53
 17 Creed United             45  12  11  22  48   72  -24  47
 18 Goodfeather FC           45  12  10  23  42   63  -21  46
 19 Bishop                   45  11  11  23  49   69  -20  44
 20 Leichhardt               45   9  13  23  31   50  -19  40
 21 Corvette Maulers         45   9  12  24  46   88  -42  39
 22 Diamondqueen             45   9  12  24  38   83  -45  39
 23 Parrhesia United         45   8  10  27  52  101  -49  34
 24 Morningstar              45   6   8  31  27   65  -38  26

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless United           45  30   9   6  101  37  +64  99
  2 North Sabrefell              45  29  11   5  103  41  +62  98
  3 South Laithland              45  23  13   9   72  40  +32  82
  4 Chenoworth Rovers            45  21  13  11   67  39  +28  76
  5 Belgrave                     45  23   7  15   74  53  +21  76
  6 Brookford Otters             45  24   4  17   70  56  +14  76
  7 Chatswood                    45  22   8  15   72  40  +32  74
  8 Stahlburg Rovers             45  18  12  15   65  51  +14  66
  9 AFC Serpentine               45  17  14  14   55  53   +2  65
 10 Armstrong                    45  18  11  16   45  43   +2  65
 11 Stahlburg City               45  16  16  13   51  38  +13  64
 12 Iron City                    45  16  11  18   38  49  -11  59
 13 Cranequin Wanderers          45  14  14  17   47  46   +1  56
 14 Vermillion Wanderers         45  14  14  17   55  62   -7  56
 15 Sheridan                     45  13  16  16   32  41   -9  55
 16 Extreme Hills                45  15   9  21   57  73  -16  54
 17 Hackett                      45  12  17  16   48  66  -18  53
 18 Gonen's Bridge               45  12  14  19   38  65  -27  50
 19 Crossroads Town              45  12  11  22   55  72  -17  47
 20 Locksley                     45  11  14  20   57  80  -23  47
 21 Crisisbless Athletic         45  13   8  24   40  79  -39  47
 22 Coret Rovers                 45  14   4  27   44  86  -42  46
 23 Ritter Town                  45  10  10  25   55  83  -28  40
 24 East Laithland Harriers      45   6  14  25   46  94  -48  32

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            45  24  12   9  71  41  +30  84
  2 Greygate                  45  23  11  11  72  49  +23  80
  3 Stonegrave                45  22  12  11  52  32  +20  78
  4 Mantlegrove               45  21  14  10  55  36  +19  77
  5 West Brinemouth           45  21  13  11  59  35  +24  76
  6 Lazuli Diamonds           45  21  13  11  67  52  +15  76
  7 Pillars of Southfell      45  21  13  11  45  34  +11  76
  8 Riverkey                  45  19  14  12  49  33  +16  71
  9 Rochford                  45  20  10  15  52  32  +20  70
 10 Chardonnay Rangers        45  19  11  15  58  50   +8  68
 11 Iron United               45  17  16  12  53  42  +11  67
 12 Dartmouth Terriers        45  18   8  19  48  60  -12  62
 13 The Strongest             45  16  11  18  84  64  +20  59
 14 Brindleton                45  15  11  19  47  57  -10  56
 15 AFC Shale                 45  14  13  18  36  38   -2  55
 16 Strephonage               45  13  15  17  32  43  -11  54
 17 Southriver                45  12  16  17  43  48   -5  52
 18 Sutcroft                  45  15   6  24  53  80  -27  51
 19 Peregrine                 45  13  10  22  58  75  -17  49
 20 The Hanged Man            45  11  14  20  29  46  -17  47
 21 Kommissar                 45  10  17  18  44  72  -28  47
 22 Alliance Barossia         45  10  15  20  35  49  -14  45
 23 Barossia United           45   9  10  26  27  62  -35  37
 24 Martella Jazz             45   9   9  27  41  80  -39  36

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ox River United            45  30   8   7  68  31  +37  98
  2 Falston United             45  28  10   7  86  39  +47  94
  3 Corinthians No Longer      45  25   8  12  79  49  +30  83
  4 Ballardine FC              45  23  10  12  87  52  +35  79
  5 Boltcroft Thorns           45  22  12  11  95  48  +47  78
  6 Kensey Town                45  22  12  11  65  40  +25  78
  7 Aries Solitaire            45  22   9  14  90  68  +22  75
  8 West Hook                  45  21  11  13  57  49   +8  74
  9 South Parrhesia            45  21   9  15  78  68  +10  72
 10 Gosmouth Swans             45  16  13  16  73  68   +5  61
 11 Brokenarch                 45  16  12  17  55  53   +2  60
 12 Long Lake                  45  15  13  17  41  43   -2  58
 13 Falston Town               45  17   7  21  52  68  -16  58
 14 Hartford Glade             45  13  18  14  58  67   -9  57
 15 Mapleford                  45  15   9  21  54  72  -18  54
 16 Rushe United               45  16   6  23  58  77  -19  54
 17 Sutcroft Athletic          45  13  14  18  50  57   -7  53
 18 Boleyn Town                45  15   8  22  35  54  -19  53
 19 Pravenna Saints            45  13   9  23  46  64  -18  48
 20 Sirencall FC               45  13   9  23  49  77  -28  48
 21 FC Seierstad               45  12  10  23  54  81  -27  46
 22 Ringway                    45  13   6  26  46  77  -31  45
 23 Bodkin Road                45   9  12  24  45  80  -35  39
 24 Brookway Town              45   9   7  29  43  82  -39  34

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ingram Township         38  23   8   7  62  24  +38  77
  2 Gridlock                38  20  15   3  52  24  +28  75
  3 Iberia Chenoworth       38  20   7  11  94  59  +35  67
  4 Fischer                 38  19  10   9  62  32  +30  67
  5 Fully Sick XI           38  18  12   8  73  55  +18  66
  6 Crownsend Journey       38  17  11  10  61  52   +9  62
  7 Grovebank               38  17   8  13  48  44   +4  59
  8 Sleetwell Rangers       38  15   9  14  54  55   -1  54
  9 Stonesthrow Town        38  13  13  12  30  38   -8  52
 10 Fenland Albion          38  14   7  17  35  36   -1  49
 11 Dross Rovers            38  14   6  18  45  56  -11  48
 12 Lockheed Zenith         38  13   8  17  55  59   -4  47
 13 Harrington              38  12  10  16  51  52   -1  46
 14 Swag Hill Rovers        38  11  13  14  56  76  -20  46
 15 AFC Brackwold           38  11  10  17  47  52   -5  43
 16 Courser                 38  12   6  20  37  48  -11  42
 17 AFC Hellerine           38  10  10  18  37  56  -19  40
 18 Capricopia Rangers      38  10   9  19  39  56  -17  39
 19 Gridlock East           38  10   9  19  33  63  -30  39
 20 Nay Town                38   7   7  24  38  72  -34  28

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Downsparrow               38  28   1   9  74  41  +33  85
  2 Brunyard FC               38  23   8   7  61  35  +26  77
  3 Rochford Pilgrims         38  22   7   9  80  42  +38  73
  4 Stamper Road              38  21   7  10  68  43  +25  70
  5 Brookford Vantablack      38  18  13   7  72  39  +33  67
  6 Blaze                     38  21   4  13  72  44  +28  67
  7 South Brill               38  18  10  10  47  36  +11  64
  8 Coral Bay                 38  17   9  12  56  53   +3  60
  9 Rhyburn Swifts            38  17   8  13  66  55  +11  59
 10 Rookwall                  38  13  10  15  35  44   -9  49
 11 The Travellers FC         38  13   9  16  59  63   -4  48
 12 AFC Burchess              38  12  10  16  40  47   -7  46
 13 AFC Volksgarten           38  11   9  18  36  51  -15  42
 14 Gridlock Rovers           38  11   9  18  40  65  -25  42
 15 Mainstream Fist           38  10  10  18  35  56  -21  40
 16 Corby Hubris              38  11   7  20  45  72  -27  40
 17 Twelvetrees               38  10   8  20  38  56  -18  38
 18 Corvistone City           38   9  10  19  34  47  -13  37
 19 Sandrock                  38   7  10  21  26  50  -24  31
 20 Senway Town               38   5   7  26  37  82  -45  22

by **Nephara** » Sat Mar 31, 2018 2:51 pm

THIRD DIVISION FINALE
Unfortunately, there was far less drama than there could have been. Seierstad, for one, need a result and are instead battered 5-0 by middling Hartford Glade, while Ringway do at least manage to take an initial lead over already-relegated Bodkin Road. But Sirencall, now on the spot to avoid the drop, also take an early lead against Ballardine, who initially drop fourth to the enigmatic Thorns (who batter Kensey 4-1, absolutely no intrigue there). But Ballardine fight back, seizing the momentum with a slightly dodgy penalty that their captain, Desdemona Carlisle, calmly sidefoots home, and go on to win 3-1. Problematic for Sirencall! At least, it would be if Ringway had managed to stretch out their lead over Bodkin but, in need of goal difference, they’re hit on the break by a sharp equaliser on the cusp of halftime before the relegated hosts complete the turnaround with a neat goal off a corner from 39-year old defender Brandon Urquhart, ensuring they manage to drag Ringway down with them.

SECOND DIVISION FINALE
Refreshing times at the bottom of the table - the three sides in danger of relegation all get a result. Unfortunately, that means that Kommissar’s brave 1-1 draw against Riverkey isn’t good enough, leading for most of the game but foiled by a very late equaliser from Sarah Bernard, as the Hanged Man also cling on for a draw and Peregrine beat Lazuli 4-2. That does, unsurprisingly, scupper the Diamonds’ promotion bid. Alliance Barossia’s slim chances of survival look to be salvaged as they hold a 1-0 lead over Stonegrave won on the cusp of half-time, while Mantlegrove implode under the pressure of keeping ahold of fourth, crushed 3-0 by Greygate. For most of the afternoon it seems like Pillars of Southfell will be the ones to capitalise, as they cruise to a simple 3-0 win over Sutcroft… right up until the 90th minute, where not only does Stonegrave winger Ulrich Tanner head home a vital equaliser at the far post, but West Brinemouth’s young, promising midfielder, Andrea Kurz, rifles home a genuine thunderbastard to seal a late win over the champions Cranequin City, Terracotta goalkeeper Lucian Corvin left to just stand and stare. Still, they remain champions - Greygate mark a predictable return, West Brinemouth finally scramble back up to the second tier and Stonegrave reach this level for the first time.

FIRST DIVISION FINALE
A lot of shit is happening in the second tier, but most eyes are on a minor Crisisbless derby between Athletic, who need a result to survive, and United, who need to hold onto the league title. The first goal of the big fixtures, though, goes to Chatswood - Lilas Sandoval can only watch in horror as Vaughan passes back sloppily to Fenton, who has to stretch just to get a boot on it. Hephernan races past to cut the ball back to Vestal, who finishes clinically. Three minutes in and they’re facing the drop - at least until Cathy Alweather forces a rare goal past Locksley goalkeeper Iselin’s near post. Not long after that, North Sabrefell have finally taken the last after some sustained pressure, showing Cranequin Wanderers precisely how possession football is done with a dizzying nine-pass move through the midfield that sets up Alcuin Sharp, a box-to-box midfielder, to give them the lead not only in the match but the title race, as Crisisbless Athletic hold out desperately against United. Brookford take the lead against Hackett, are pegged back and then retake the lead, and watch on nervously as Chenoworth Rovers and Belgrave look to be grinding out a grim draw that ensures they can both be leapfrogged to fourth. Chatswood make it 2-0 on the cusp of half-time, but Crossroads remain safe for now.

But something’s different in Crisisbless almost as soon as the second half starts, and Antelmi releases Sigrun Rivers for a jinking, darting run… and she’s brought down clumsily by Whitesmith, the 35-year old veteran struggling to keep pace. Koppel nervelessly converts the penalty that puts them right back on top. Ritter Town, while all this is happening, somehow go 4-0 up over Vermillion Wanderers, showing everything they singularly failed to exhibit over the past 45 matches. Things go from bad to worse for Hadrian Belfast’s Otters - Sara Penford rifles home an equaliser for Hackett, and then Paterson’s excellent corner is headed home by the hulking Kalyvas to put Chenoworth Rovers up 1-0 and in the playoff place. Locksley level the scores against the Southrons through Shona Butcher, pushing Crossroads closer to danger - the Valiants celebrate by going three down. United double their lead over Athletic through Antelmi and it’s becoming clear that a toothless Athletic aren’t coming back from this, and the ennui seems to get to the Bohemians who fail to close down Levin Castellan and stop him crashing home an equaliser from outside the box. Crossroads are sunk late on when Coret Rovers redouble their efforts, Alysia Stokes comes off the bench in what is most likely her last professional game, takes a lovely through-ball from Spinnett and just. Keeps. Running, defying all science to keep ahead of Gonen’s defence and slip the ball between Matthews’ sprawled legs to find a late winner and haul Coret out of danger and Crossroads and Athletic into it, to join Ritter (who ultimately slip back to 4-2) and East Laithland (finally) in relegation. At the top, Belfast’s Otters are in the playoff places again! After a red card for Rovers midfielder Breremond for an unnecessary flying elbow on Rouseff, one which has Harper scream “WHY TH’ FUCK” loud enough for all the stadium mics to pick up, Belgrave equalise, and then Brookford midfielder Solbachen retakes the lead against Hackett! For all of seventeen seconds, the Otters are in the playoff place… until, in injury time, Alexandra Lazarou hammers Belgrave’s winner into the top corner. They, then, will take fourth. North Sabrefell and South Laithland will secure promotion… as of course will Crisisbless United, who did not let their death-grip slip against their local rivals, relegating them and celebrating their title victory on their ground.

THE SHARP END
Brinemouth vs. Chenoworth Harriers
Brinemouth just need a point against the Harriers to secure the title. Realistically, even defeat will probably be good enough, though somewhat of a limp end to the season. The Harriers, however, need a better result than Newrook to overtake them and qualify for the Globe Cup. Brinemouth are a strong side, and they probably have the title, and their team is fresh as anything. But John Sedder’s disciplined Harriers might have what it takes to sucker-punch their opponents where they’re vulnerable - on the counter-attack, and set pieces.

Sabrefell Moths vs. Sabrefell Athletic
Athletic can snatch the title with a goal difference swing of six. It is, needless to say, unlikely… but then, their neighbours, the Moths, have imploded more than once of late. And their focus is split, with the CdC final coming up. “If Brinemouth beat them 8-1, why can’t we?” Tom Benedict shit-stirred on the eve of kick-off, while Gerhard Thunder grunted a straightforward reply; “If we somehow hand the red bastards the title, I’m going to hurl myself into the Ravenspan,” the canal dividing west and east in the city.

Crisisbless vs. Newrook City
Crisisbless aren’t mathematically out of the title race… but they are out of the title race, having scored the fewest goals of the top seven. Really, they’re secure in third. Newrook need to match the Harriers’ result, though if the Harriers draw, Newrook can still qualify as long as they don’t lose by more than two (barring, again, the Harriers managing something like a 16-16 draw).

THE RELEGATION FIGHT
Leichhardt vs. Starling
Leichhardt are in the best position, a point clear, but face the toughest draw. That said, Starling do have the Cup to focus on, and with nothing to play for today, have rested most of their best players.

Corvette Maulers vs. AFC Treason
Corvette are currently in the playoff place, and face a decidedly fallible Treason at home. The Stags currently sit tenth, a sad shadow of what they once were… as recently as last season. It’s in all likelihood Ben Randall’s final match as a manager, and the old man did get them two titles in an era marked by the rise of Brinemouth and the return of the Sabrefell giants. He’ll want to go out on a high.

Diamondqueen vs. Bishop
Currently 22nd, Diamondqueen are in deep shit. Fortunately, the bookies actually have them favourites to beat Bishop - not only are the Cardinals pretty terrible, currently 19th, but they also have the Cup final against Starling to focus on, and have rested most of their key players too.

DEAD RUBBERS
North Laithland vs. Vermillion Rage
North Laithland have had a brilliant season, and Leo Santander is a shoe-in as Manager of the Year. They will finish in the Globe Cup places no matter what. Vermillion have had a fairly disappointing season, and even victory here will be a faint salve on the season.

AFC Corvistone vs. Violence Chariots
Annoyingly, Corvistone stayed up pretty comfortably. The Chariots have gone, typically, under the radar - they’ve had a great season, currently sitting ninth as players like Commerford, Na’Duha, Riske and especially Rowena Sierra have really staked their claims to be sold on at a profit.

Cypher Town vs. Coret Hawks
Cypher will finish 16th regardless of what happens against a Coret side who can no longer consider themselves in the Globe Cup hunt. The Eagles will be more than happy with that. For the Hawks, who once harboured hopes that were so much higher, you just can’t look at their squad anymore and say they should have done better.

Goodfeather FC vs. Creed United
18th faces 17th. Thrilling. Goodfeather have lacked a cutting edge this season as Rannon struggles to have the same effect on the Premiership as she did in their promotion campaign. Creed? Well, they looked absolutely dead and buried with the season halfway over. Hestia Canaan’s another decent shout for Manager of the Season, having dragged the Oathmen, kicking and screaming, to survival.

Southfell United vs. Parrhesia United
Probably the least significant fixture of all. Southfell are pinned to the middle of the table with a 15-15-15 record and a 0 goal difference, statistically the Premiership’s blandest team. Parrhesia were terrible all season.

Morningstar vs. Raven River
It’s been a season to forget for Catherine Locklear. After presiding over a total implosion at Creed United, she came to Morningstar as a last throw of the dice. Instead of an upturn in results, things just got worse after she wound up having to fight half the dressing room. She brings a lot of young blood to the table against the Ferrymen. The suspicion there is that Cheney Bittencourt feels he’s taken them as far as he can, and he’s an outside shot at the Treason job.

KICKOFF!
1 mins - Boom. Local rivalry, of course, plays a big part in this finale - a Sabrefell derby at one end of the table, with Leichhardt and Corvette each striving to relegate the other.
2 mins - GOAL! Say what you will about Metan Cordean’s flat-track bullying tendencies, maybe the Saints can be his flat track. He shows Drake Antony a clean set of heels before abruptly cutting back, nutmegging him, driving in on goal and almost insolently stroking home the opener with the outside of his left boot, the ball bobbling over Spyrakis’ desperately flung-out leg. SFU 1-0 PAR.
3 mins - The Saints lose the ball straight from kick-off, Berisha passing straight to Marlowe for no reason and then slumping. Too many of these players - Berisha, Rademacher, Frei, Avery - have simply seemed to hang around too long, letting promising career starts stall. All four of those names are out of contract at the end of the season.
4 mins - Astonishingly, Leichhardt get the first shot on target against Starling! Streiss does a couple ornamental step-overs before hurdling past Asghar and lashing in a beautiful cross, Auttenberg gets ahead of Orsay and heads it… straight into Hargrave’s chest! That deserved a goal, and Auttenberg is kicking herself. Literally, she toebashed herself in the ankle in frustration.
5 mins - Unsurprisingly, River are off to a good start against Morningstar Reserves - Fiona Norval should score, but skews Hateley’s brilliant diagonal ball wide of the far post. On the subject of Bittencourt, if he does end up going to Treason, then the first three steps of his managerial career will have mirrored the first three steps of his club. After that, he’ll need a mixed record for Fontvielle Impact and then a sentimental return to River to fully match it.
6 mins - GOAL! Well, that was coming. Bartolnicci screams at the fourth official for an offside call I sure as fuck can’t see… replays show that Airik Ruhl was well onside as Lienke Vesper, making a rare start, is given too much space by Pakkanen to hit the perfect cross in for Ruhl to clamber over Zagorec and head home a deserved opener for the Heelers. CRI 1-0 NRC.
7 mins - Anyway, if you ask me, Cheney Bittencourt is chronically underrated as a striker these days. Fontvielle threw 22 million pounds at Treason for him. He got 56 caps, 26 goals… but people forget about him. It’s crazy.
8 mins - It’s… actually pretty clear what Gerhard Thunder’s trying here. An uncharacteristically defensive 4-5-1 against Athletic, having rested their best players, an attempt not so much to win this match as to prevent any chance of Athletic getting the big win they need. Some call it cowardice, I call it the chance to see Tawny Shone be the team’s major creative fulcrum in a massively-important fixture.
9 mins - Starling should probably have scored there, Corvalan played through by Woodwind but a heavy touch allows Stern to dash in and snatch the ball away. After some early promise, Leichhardt are under the cosh. They really have struggled this season - no team has ever survived the league on just 40 points. Some players just weren’t at the level of last season, and Ylissa ‘Judas’ Hatherton has struggled under the mantle of being a creative fulcrum.
10 mins - Oh, almost! Diamondqueen have had a promising start to the match against Bishop, Dakota Blaylock proving a difficult handful for the defence. He’s shoved to the ground just outside the box by Crinion, who protests his innocence, but the free kick is given… Weber lofts it over the wall, but it bounces back off the crossbar! Crinion rises highest to head it clear.
11 mins - GOAL! Things are looking up for the Dockers, and the Premiership trophy lies tantalisingly pitchside… a sweeping passing move, after a simple passing error from Christensen is pounced on by Soederquist, fourteen Brinemouth passes without reply see Bartley fire low and hard! … And it’s parried away by Sheffield. But only as far as Jazmin Dragana, who reacts quickest to slash the ball into the open goal! BRI 1-0 CHH.
12 mins - Markus Blake emails in from Crisisbless to inform me that Cheney Bittencourt wasn’t half the striker Rook Cathar was, which is why he got about half as many caps and scored as many goals. And hasn’t won a major league as a manager. I’d like to inform Markus Blake that he should shut his whore mouth.
13 mins - Oh, Leichhardt have a decent penalty shout turned down there! Annegret Bellinghausen dashes forward to latch onto a Hatherton pass, gets one toe on it and is body-checked by Dario Paterson… but unaccountably, for the home crowd, nothing’s given! The touch was heavy - perhaps not quite in her control. Still, the fans are livid, and so’s Andrea Vardalos on the touchline.
14 mins - GOAL! Kind of against the run of play, it has to be said. But for all Cypher’s possession (68%, as things stand), there’s not much they can do when Nikolaidis knocks Stensholt to the ground, takes the ball, swivels neatly and runs. He evades Condotta’s uncharacteristically ragged tackle and goes for goal himself, rifling it into the top corner from just outside the box. CYT 0-1 COH.
15 mins - Treason have been pretty static against Corvette so far, sort of like they’ve been all season. Ankergren, finding little resistance from a bluntly past-it Vyntra, cuts inside and lashes a forceful shot that Gideon Fletcher beats away, and Fernwood and Svensson both race for the rebound - Svensson manages to scuff it away for a corner.
16 mins - Plutarch takes the corner… and Gideon Fletcher rises high to claim it. It’s been sad, really. Such a fascinating race at the top over the course of the season… and the Stags were just nowhere near. Randall will be out after the season, and veterans like Vyntra, Katskalidis, Lopes and Voeller are likely to follow. They might have to undergo the dreaded t-word: transition.
17 mins - Things getting a bit tasty already in the Sabrefell derby. Kodiak Grant snaps into Ojala, who staggers but stays on his feet… to go stalk over to the big rightback and haul him to his feet by his collar. Cue handbags all around. Both gets yellow cards from the long-suffering referee. Gerhard Thunder grins on the touchline - this is what he lives for.
18 mins - Parrhesia have actually reacted well to going one down to Southfell, showing the resilience that has been so desperately, desperately lacking all season. Unfortunately for them, they still can’t finish, and Loris Aldous is having a good day.
19 mins - Brilliant double save from Morales! Rexmont scythes through the Brinemouth defence, plays a lovely one-two with Ruhl, dummies Magnozzi and strokes the ball neatly across Morales, bottom corner bound… but he slaps out a leg and manages a desperate block, before flinging himself upright to dive the other way as Crowther, in the middle of being crunched by Close, manages to scuff the rebound on goal - but he claws that away, too! It should probably be a penalty, but the referee waves play-on to the Eagles Club’s roaring approval.
20 mins - GOAL! Sometimes there’s just not much to say about a goal. But after a ton of pressure from the Rooks that the Heelers have just about managed to keep at arm’s length for the time being, an innocuous looking cutback from Woods is slammed into the top corner by Alan Bothroyd from the corner of the box. Bad news for the Harriers. CRI 1-1 NRC.
21 mins - PENALTY! Granted in a totally meaningless match. The Saints haven’t taken their chances tonight, but Berisha takes a nice touch on a decisive break to get past Lavendor, eases past Beitar and is clattered by Aldous. Can the goalkeeper make amends?
22 mins - GOAL! No, he cannot. Catrine Kisel sends him the wrong way, going low and hard to level the scores. SFU 1-1 PAR.
23 mins - GOAL! Nikolaidis gets a brace. This is a more straightforward affair - clever wing play with Skapetis and Sorrell utterly fools young Kari Bardiche, and the winger plays the overlapping fullback through with a neat little pass… between Bardiche’s legs. Sorrell’s cross is a brilliant one, and Nikolaidis surges into the box to power home a decisive header. CYT 0-2 COH.
24 mins - The bashing that Cypher are receiving should not begin to overshadow their legitimate achievements this season. They haven’t thrilled at all, but they’re under no obligation to thrill. Solid at the back, reliable in midfield… if anyone but Nygard could score goals, they’d be golden. She has fifteen goals to her name - nobody else on the team has more than Borbas Tihamer’s eight, and he’s injured tonight with Cohen Alexander in his stead.
25 mins - GOAL! That didn’t last long. The Rooks had been a little sloppy in their passing and pressing since equalising, and they’re made to pay for it by Sieglinde Lohengrin. Five neat, searing passes among the Heelers’ more aggressive players tears gaping holes in the Rooks’ defence. Lohengrin dashes forward into one, Vesper finds her and the leftback hits low and hard, and former Crisisbless goalkeeper Hesketh gets a hand to it but not a strong enough one. CRI 2-1 NRC.
26 mins - Now a third caution already in the Sabrefell derby as Deandre James absolutely cleans Rainsford out jumping for a goal-kick lumped indiscriminately into midfield by Gautier. There will be a red card in this match.
27 mins - GOAL! Uh-oh. Now that’s really set the cat amongst the pigeons… it’s a speculative cross, but a low, hard one from Guiliani, and it deflects off the inside of Magnozzi’s calf, and then there’s a flash of red as Nikita Loeher instinctively backheels the ball into the net. Accidental? No. Instinctive. BRI 1-1 CHH.
28 mins - Nikita Loeher’s 34. She shouldn’t still have what it takes at this level - and, realistically, she’ll be on the bench next season most games for the Harriers. Her A-League stint with Rozelle was a mixed success. But, somehow, she was exactly the last-minute panic buy the Harriers needed.
29 mins - GOAL! Boom! Hakki Ojala cuts inside Grant, a slightly heavy touch but he gets to it faster than the flat-footed Weiss and then quickly whips it into the net with his right boot. He celebrates exuberantly… but Hawke has no time for that, grabbing the ball out of the net and dragging him over to the centre circle. They need a big, big win here. SFM 0-1 SFA.
30 mins - Reacting to the goal loudest of all? Tawny Shone, just 20 years of age, shouting and gesticulating furiously, trying to get her team up for it. It’s not been her best game - she’s struggled a little under Tanith Rainsford’s watchful eye - but she’s shown flashes of how properly fucking good she already is.
31 mins - A third of the way into Morningstar vs. River and yyyyyyyyeeeep, nothing at all has happened.
32 mins - GOAL! Falcon Case hasn’t had a great season. Hasn’t really recovered from declaring for Brenecia and getting destroyed at the CE, really. He turns over the ball cheaply to Spahi Keskin, who hits up a ball in a nice corridor of uncertainty. A defensive mix-up is seized upon by Raquel Accardi, who volleys across Forster. God, she is so fucking good. GDF 0-1 CRD.
33 mins - On the subject of underrated Nepharim forwards, Pontus Schneider points out that Georgia Kite is in Real Azuris’ hall of fame, and deserved far more than her fifteen caps. This is a fair point, but two things are worth noting. First, it’s only in more recent years that the Haerlighet Ligan has taken up its current status as a world-class league, and Kite was not a world-class striker. Second… seriously, your name is Pontus? How many lockers did you see the inside of as a kid?
34 mins - The Harriers are pushing hard to get ahead. Crowther goes down somewhat softly under Close’s challenge, in a dangerous area for a free kick. Bonifacio Sanna, a player known for his finesse… goes instead for power, toebashing the ball hard enough into the crossbar to make a thunderous crack. Wide-eyed goalkeeper Morales looks a little like he just pissed himself.
35 mins - GOAL! Josie Webster must surely be in line for a Nephara callup by now. She loses possession to Scherer but snakes out a leg to dig the ball away and win it back, strides purposefully forward, plays a neat one-two with Stokes and rifles the ball into the bottom corner past a diving Clement. NLA 1-0 VRR.
36 mins - Funny thing is, Webster was a really clear name in the ‘a good team will come in for her’ basket… but maybe North Laithland are a good team now. In any case, they have Globe Cup football to look forward to next season, so you’d imagine she’ll stay put for now.
37 mins - Meanwhile, as far as distinctly less good midfielders go, Olenna Darke just took a shot under no significant pressure from 30 yards and it skewed out for a throw-in. She is so, so cooked. Unfortunately, Voleimann’s injured and Milligan’s even worse, leaving Konrad Evans with little choice.
38 mins - Diamondqueen already look a little tired, trying to keep up with Bishop’s passing. After Risdon caught a tame shot from Jeweler, he rolls the ball out from the back. Seventeen uninterrupted passes later, the Diamonds’ defence is in tatters, Whiteside is totally unmarked as Reed rolls the ball his way and heeeeee weakly hits it right into Britton’s chest. Narrow escape, there.
39 mins - GOAL! And it’s Delphi Barbarouses’ first league goal! A pretty well-taken one, too, for the young midfielder - she starts and then finishes a direct, decisive move that crushes Newrook’s shaken defence, leaving Hesketh despairing. CRI 3-1 NRC.
40 mins - Another reader, Jacqui Margush, challenges me to find footage of Cheney Bittencourt scoring a headed goal. I submit instead that this one time he fed a blind giraffe at a zoo, and the giraffe had to feel everything out with his tongue only I guess wasn’t even sure what she was looking at and anyway the gist of it is Bittencourt got a big old faceful of giraffe tongue but he laughed which shows him to be a man of good humour instead of a literal psychopath like Rook Cathar.
41 mins - GOAL! While I was typing that, Nizarut equalised for Vermillion. Fairweather should’ve saved it. NLA 1-1 VRR.
42 mins - Something happened in Morningstar vs. River - Jasmine Kaeman just took a foul throw.
43 mins - Minute-by-minuteman’s curse in full, or at least partial effect. The ghost of Olenna Darke’s career hits in a real gem of a ball, the lanky Sascha Dimitrius pops up from nowhere to get ahead of Peter Svensson, no easy task… and her header flashes juuust wide of the post. Gideon Fletcher wouldn’t’ve stood a chance, and does that sort of staggering-back thing goalkeepers do when they luck out.
44 mins - GOAL! The Harriers take the lead and, you know, it’s been coming. Surprisingly, it’s the forward runs of leftback Nike Rouphos that have caused a lot of strife for the Dockers, with Brymora injured. Rouphos nips the ball out from under Bartley’s feet, chases forwards, knocks the ball past Crowe and then hacks a rather pedestrian cross into the box. Windtide should handle it… but Nikita Loeher surges forward and crashes home the header! BRI 1-2 CHH.
45 mins - Sabrefell derby’s calmed down a little, oddly. At least, until this point - Shone hacks down Coltrane and follows through on his calves, and is booked. Beleagured referee Reeve Charlton has to have a word with both captains, Weiss and Rainsford, who do good jobs pretending to listen while glaring at each other.
Injury time - GOAL! Things are just ending across the nation, and things look to be drawing to a calm close. And then Bishop winger Milligan draws a corner off Sutton, more or less by kicking the ball at her calf. And then Alyss Driver, who’s had a really good game just metronomically pinging the ball around in midfield, hits in a sizzling corner. Britton comes out halfway for it, then dithers, as does Karena Hartley. No such hesitation from Darren Crinion, who forces home the header that puts the Cardinals in 1-0 up at the break! DMQ 0-1 BIS.

HALF-TIME!

Sabrefell Moths 0-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Corvette Maulers 0-0 AFC Treason
North Laithland 1-1 Vermillion Rage
AFC Corvistone 0-0 Violence Chariots
Cypher Town 0-2 Coret Hawks
Leichhardt 0-0 Starling
Goodfeather FC 0-1 Creed United
Crisisbless 3-1 Newrook City
Southfell United 1-1 Parrhesia United
Diamondqueen 0-1 Bishop
Brinemouth 1-2 Chenoworth Harriers
Morningstar 0-0 Raven River

As things stand…
Brinemouth will win the league.
Chenoworth Harriers will take the final Globe Cup place.
Corvette Maulers will face the playoff.
Diamondqueen will be relegated.

Half-time viewing
Watch this clip of Cheney Bittencourt scoring five goals against Cranequin Wanderers in one game, which is a Premiership record matched only by Olgina Harrison who is a player that literally nobody reading this remembered existed until now.

46 mins - And we’re ba- uh, GOAL! A neat flowing forward move from the Spiders, with Scherer seeming a little off the pace, unable to break it down. Webster threads the decisive ball through to Griffin Kendall who shoots low and hard - Clement gets hands to it but can only palm it right to Pell, who bundles it in. NLA 2-0 VRR.
47 mins - Diamondqueen have started well, exhorted by Tana Colbright. A half-time substitution was made, surprisingly, at rightback. The solid veteran Abel came off, and, uh, Mercedes Reeve is playing out of her best position to go there instead. It might work out, she’s filled in there capably before, but it’s a surprise to see her, say, smash a shot from an acute angle against the near post, rattling the goalframe and also Bishop’s nerves.
48 mins - Corvette are pressing the Stags hard, but they look vulnerable on the break. Still, they’ll feel aggrieved not to take the lead here - Sutra Fernwood angles a neat little header that bounces low just before the goal, but Gideon Fletcher, already headed the wrong way, somehow manages to bat it away with a trailing hand!
49 mins - GOAL! Game’s not over yet for Newrook. Pretty straightforward stuff - Woods takes a great corner, Nkembe evades Ruhl and heads home. CRI 3-2 NRC.
50 mins - Corvette want a penalty now! Ankergren is hacked down by Rian Corrello, one of the Stags’ few good performers this season… but it’s juuust outside the box, though Ankergren certainly falls into it. The free kick slams into the wall and gets cleared away. Maulers fans have a bad feeling it’s just gonna be one of those days...
51 mins - GOAL! I kind of forgot these two were even playing, but Ivan Pangallo did… something, and anyway, the Crows are leading now. CVS 1-0 VIC.
52 mins - Markus Blake has said some very nasty things about my mother. Some people will do the damndest things in defence of giant insane men who named their daughters ‘Heaven’ but backwards.
53 mins - The Harriers almost get a third goal - it’s almost Loeher’s hat-trick! Rexmont’s unerring cross finds her in the box and Windtide gets quickly on her - she somewhat miscontrols the first touch, and under pressure can only rifle it against the post. It comes straight back, hard and low, and she falls over to try and stab it into the net… but it just goes straight at Morales, who instinctively parries it, sees it bounce and gratefully falls on it.
54 mins - GOAL! Well, of course. All Corvette’s pressure is meaningless, Neptune controls a difficult long ball with an outstretched boot, and a surprisingly deft (perhaps just fortunate) touch takes it wholly past Strauss. She lets it bounce one, and then volleys it low and hard past Lin, perhaps surprising him with the force of it. He gets the bottom of a hand to it, but it slips by him. Things look bleak. CVM 0-1 TRE.
55 mins - Pinball in the box in Crisisbless! Jevdjevic-Hadsic sends a low free kick into the box and everyone gets a piece of it for a few unedifying seconds until Ruhl finally gets a solid swing at it at Pakkanen hacks it off the line. Relief all around for the Rooks.
56 mins - GOAL! The Spiders are still capable of some, well, First Division defending at times, it seems. Nizarut swings in a cross, Fairweather flaps at it a little, Serjeant heads it… straight to Cassadore, who shifts it to her right boot and slams home past a still unsettled Fairweather. NLA 2-1 VRR.
57 mins - Laura Stockley asks what league actually is the best league in the world - and in history, for that matter. Well, for mine, sentimental memories of the LigAnaia in its short-lived prime have to take top billing. As for nowadays, I think it’s fair to say that while the Premiership is the toughest league to win with the strongest depth, the HaerlighetLigan’s a better watch aesthetically, and in a world without injuries, the SPL has the best teams at the top. And the fact that the Goldleague wasn’t even mentioned highlights how world club football is the best it’s ever been.
58 mins - GOAL! A couple minutes after almost slipping up, Newrook equalise! Ifrit Coynborough slots in a lovely ball through the defence, Bothroyd runs nicely onto it and lashes home past Marciak, who does stretch out a leg. It deflects up, but still bounces into the net. Still, the Rooks need a win - at least, if the Harriers don’t slip up. CRI 3-3 NRC.
59 mins - “Only cowards hedge their bets like that,” Laura Stockley coldly informs me. Harsh, Laura, but fair.
60 mins - GOAL! Shambolic defending from the Maulers lets the Stags double their lead. Neptune - outstanding this match - swings in a cross, a practically unmarked Svensson nods it across goal for Katskalidis, who somehow managed to lose her marker despite being a gangly, glacial centre-half, to hammer home a header of her own. Michael Lin, at fault for the first, is very much justified in giving his defence the evil eye this time. They’re still in 21st as things stand… CVM 0-2 TRE.
61 mins - Ominously for both Corvette and Diamondqueen, Leichhardt and Starling… continue to basically be locked in a slow, muscular clinch. But the Stargazers look to be going for broke, relatively. Luna Nsereko, the hardly prolific backup striker - one goal from nineteen league appearances this season - comes on for Lienen. Nsereko can’t really score goals, but she might just open more space for Auttenberg.
62 mins - GOAL! Fair to say this stopped being a fixture of interest some time ago, but for what it’s worth, Trifon Draxler’s neat little half-volley makes it 3-0 to the Hawks. CYT 0-3 COH.
63 mins - Journalists often feel free to talk about how a team needs ‘reinforcements’ at a certain area, and one always has to wonder how the players feel about that. After all, there’s usually a guy already there, and various people at the club already jostling for those positions. And people rarely think how much it must hurt those players to have their ability directly questioned! That in mind, Cypher Town need a new attacking midfielder, because Sophia Petridis isn’t good enough for this level and looks like a lost, puzzled sheep. Still better than a 33-year old Koen Hochmeister, because there’s Sunday league players a stone’s throw away from my house more suited to the Premiership’s rigours than Hochmeister.
64 mins - The Crows almost double their lead, Afolayan dancing past Brill, cutting inside and curling a shot past Commerford with the outside of the boot… but it skims against the outside of the upright. It has to be said that the Crows have impressed this season, and earned the begrudging respect of the nation… on the pitch, at least. Off it they’re still a bunch of plastics, but they secured their safety with ease and are looking upwards.
65 mins - GOAL! Vermillion’s equaliser has been coming. They’ve rushed the Spiders hard and forced some bad turnovers, but this is the worst of all. Reuser, ambling forward in possession, is spooked by Nizarut running at him and panics and passes to Serjeant. But overhits it. Danica Heward, who came on just two minutes ago, sweeps onto it, goes around Fairweather and rolls the ball into the net. NLA 2-2 VRR.
66 mins - Caleb Murtagh, a very suspiciously Brenecian-sounding name, writes to ask where the Audioslavian league fits in my estimation of the world’s best leagues, aka ‘conspicuously missing’. Certainly, it has the pedigree, and the UICA ranking to back that up, but consider this; Rook Cathar won it. As a manager. Check and mate.
67 mins - Athletic and the Moths are both pressing hard, and this won’t stay 1-0 for long. Thunder risks bringing on Townsend and Vol, but keeps his powder dry elsewhere - and there’s a lot of youth on that bench. Chloe Rudden comes on for Athletic for what could be her last appearance, as she turns 32 in the off-season. Still, she offers the pace to really challenge the booked Grant.
68 mins - GOAL! A rare sight for the Tanners - Erik Marlowe plays provider! He gives the Saints’ defence the runaround but finds his angle on goal narrowed to a sliver. So he just slips the ball back for Malachi Chalk, who’s drifted right a fair bit, who sidefoots home Southfell’s second past Spyrakis. SFU 2-1 PAR.
69 mins - My editors have informed me that nobody cares about Cheney Bittencourt’s status as underrated Nepharim hero of yesteryear. I will acknowledge this desire when they find anyone in the country willing and able to match my WPM pace while watching twelve matches at once.
70 mins - Brinemouth have reasserted themselves lately against the Harriers, dominating possession over the past few minutes. Just feels like the mood’s shifted, and the Harriers are holding back a bit, trying to keep ahold of the points. It’s understandable. Guiliani is booked for a vicious challenge on Bartley, moments before being withdrawn for the more defensive Crowe.
71 mins - GOAL! Little good does it do them, though! Evelyn Conjure steps up, clips in a strong free kick that loops over the wall and into the net past a blindsided Sheffield! The Dockers have equalised! BRI 2-2 CHH.
72 mins - Cheers over in the away end of Godswatch. Newrook sniff blood. Twice already they’ve been denied by point-blank saves from Marciak, and it feels like the goal is coming. Athletic’s slim title hopes take another, probably fatal blow… provoking cheers in the Farham Arena, too.
73 mins - GOAL! The Quakers draw back their equaliser after a strong period of possession, seeming to hold the Oathmen at arms’ length. Falcon Case gets the goal, after Aviston’s cross is slammed against the post by Jewel, but it’s the newly-declared Brenecia international that bombs down the centre of the park, chests down the rebound and slides it past Matraxis at a narrow angle. That was a flash of last season’s form from Case, and the Quakers as a whole. GDF 1-1 CRD.
74 mins - GOAL! hahahahaha GDF 1-2 CRD.
75 mins - Haven’t been fired yet, so that’s a good sign.
76 mins - Taking a look down at the First Division for a second, and Crisisbless United and North Sabrefell look like real prospects to be reckoned with. Bronwyn Sadler bolted on the last few pieces, including a winning mentality, to finally take the Chessmen back up, adding to the recent numbers of attack-minded promoted sides that play a 4-3-3 system (Corvistone, North Laithland and Corvette from last season alone). The Bohemians, though? They’ve been more or less rebuilt from the ground up in a single year by Gareth Blackthorn, and they look a really interesting proposition. South Laithland… it’s hard to see them, or Belgrave, should they win the playoff, stay up, without significant investment.
77 mins - GOAL! Speaking of Corvette… it’s game over, for them. Sort of. As Vyntra takes advantage of some genuinely terrible defending to curl home Treason’s third, cutting diagonally across the Maulers’ defence like a knife that is literally on fire through already lukewarm butter, the challenge for the Maulers stops being ‘how to get a point’ and starts being ‘how not to concede more goals’. Goal difference is very much in play at the bottom, if Diamondqueen can hold to a 1-0 defeat. Two more goals will relegate the Maulers anyway. CVM 0-3 TRE.
78 mins - Not only does Kunibert Cormann have the most ‘investment banker in Chenoworth’ name I’ve ever heard, but he also emails in to say; “It’s not just your editors. Can you give it a rest with the ‘colourful’ commentary and just focus on your job?” The short answer: No.
79 mins - The long answer: Nnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooo.
80 mins - GOAL! Well, so much for that, though perhaps it’s a bit early to say in a crazy game. Substitute Johanna Sutton shows her stuff, sprinting down the right, jinking past Hyde, hurdling a challenge from Woods and then playing through the overlapping run of Leona Rafford, cutting inside. She draws away Zagorec and then cuts back for Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic to make it 4-3 with a low, drilled finish. Against the run of play, sure - but for the last minute or so, the Heelers had been untouchable. CRI 4-3 NRC.
81 mins - GOAL! Well! That changes things! Auburn Weber is really tired. She’s being marked down, hard, by Gared Kuepher, who hasn’t passed up a single chance to nip at her heels. So for once, Diamondqueen… bypass her entirely. This goal is all Blaylock. Reeve plays in a nice little ball from rightback but Blaylock blitzes it violently to get there before Crinion before bulldozing past the big lad, playing a neat one-two with the fresh Kowalczyk to strip down the Bishop defence yet further before smashing the ball beyond Risdon, who gets a glove on it but nothing more. DMQ 1-1 BIS.
82 mins - That news has not gone down well in Corvette, and a mighty groan rings around the stadium. Konrad Evans’ lads have battled hard all season when almost everyone predicted them to crash and burn… but they’ve fallen here, and now any chance of survival rests on Bishop’s second-string getting another goal with nothing to play for.
83 mins - GOAL! Anise Riske scores a lovely equaliser for the Chariots that almost nobody will see until the Streamable links get passed out tomorrow. A slightly haphazard long ball from Sauber makes it - she improvisationally dinks it over the head of Pangallo, lets it bounce once and then volleys it over the head of a scrambling, backpedalling Veloz! CVS 1-1 VIC.
84 mins - GOAL! Yeah, that was inevitable. Athletic weren’t going to get the turnaround they needed, but while pressing hard to rack up a big scoreline they’re smashed down on the break, a sweeping cross-field ball from substitute Adalmar Sturrock dropping perfectly at the feet of Eisenhauer. All she has to do is roll her shoulder past Farina and roll the equaliser between Gautier’s sprawling legs. She celebrates, and takes her time with it, too, but maybe Athletic will have the last laugh because the Moths have been linked to a managerial appointment of Rook Cathar in the offseason. SFM 1-1 SFA.
85 mins - Oh! Oh!! Bishop striker Lysander Corsell, on for Penbrooke, comes agonisingly close to sinking Diamondqueen! Kirsten Shore skims in a nice little cross, he tussles with Pavlovic but manages to get just ahead of the Pasargan and shoves out a boot… and toebashes it over the net from surely just four or five yards!
86 mins - RED CARD! Well, that was kind of inevitable. Kodiak Grant is late to a tackle on Rudden and sends her staggering into the advertising hoardings. But what difference will it make, by this point?
87 mins - GOAL! None at all. The Harriers have defended stoutly… but what can you do against Evelyn Conjure, as she strides untouchable into the box and almost casually lifts the ball into the top corner? BRI 3-2 CHH.
88 mins - ANOTHER RED CARD! But it’s in a game nobody cares about, as Corvistone midfielder Rain Delacruz picks up a second yellow card. For dissent.
89 mins - GOAL! Again, just a distraction by this point, and not even a particularly attractive one. Vercauteren crosses, Spyrakis - otherwise solid tonight - flaps at it, Marlowe nods it in at the far post, Brun looks vaguely haunted. SFU 3-1 PAR.
90 mins - Brinemouth have the title, and Newrook have seventh. All eyes are on a cobbled-together Bishop front line, and whether they can force an equaliser past Iona Britton. But the Diamonds are dominating the ball, Sparrow just replaced Weber in an incredibly long-winded substitution and now Kowalczyk has the ball in the corner, with Kearney Smith making half-hearted attempts to kick at it. It’s… not happening, is it?
Injury time - It is not. The final whistle blows in Sabrefell, where Reds sink to their knees and Diamonds slump to the ground. Tana Colbright’s players have done it for now, but as she shakes hands with the embattled Monica Brightwater, both managers will be thinking ahead to the coming fortnight. Corvette are down, but with honour, and its weary players know it. Konrad Evans may well have another Premiership job lined up, sooner rather than later. For most of its players, however, you’d suspect it was the last time they taste this level of football. Its rivals Leichhardt are safe, their struggle going largely underneath notice as they strangled the life out of Starling and, presumably, any viewers. Morningstar go down despite talents like Saroszi and Sparr, and are in legitimate turmoil. Will Catherine Locklear really want to stick around for the aftermath? Will Benjamin Nyao, now in full command of the facts of the stagnant side he was left with? At the end of the day, though, the day belongs to the Dockers, and Stig Soederquist lifts the trophy high. It’s been eight long years since they won the double, spearheaded by an emerging Penumbra Amokachi, inspired by Rutger Locke, marshalled by Stephen Frew and with an aging RJ Styrn in the wings. Jonathan Bosetti is the only survivor of that campaign. It has been a long wait for a club of such unbridled ambition… and it is over.

PREMIERSHIP FINAL RESULTS
Sabrefell Moths 1-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Corvette Maulers 0-3 AFC Treason
North Laithland 2-2 Vermillion Rage
AFC Corvistone 1-1 Violence Chariots
Cypher Town 0-3 Coret Hawks
Leichhardt 0-0 Starling
Goodfeather FC 1-2 Creed United
Crisisbless 4-3 Newrook City
Southfell United 3-1 Parrhesia United
Diamondqueen 1-1 Bishop
Brinemouth 3-2 Chenoworth Harriers
Morningstar 0-0 Raven River

by **Nephara** » Sat Mar 31, 2018 2:51 pm

PROMOTION/RELEGATION PLAYOFF
Two Sabrefell sides, Diamondqueen and Belgrave, come to the Farham Arena. Both are tired. They’ve had to face long, hard battles to get here. Two technical sides playing, in effect, a 47th league match of the season… and it’s one of those ones where the flowing technical football both sides consider their specialty just dies down, and a rare downpour for a dry country doesn’t help. The Diamonds are favourites, but things take an early turn for the worse as far as they’re concerned as, just eight minutes in, Gargoyles captain Markranstadt skims in a fine corner that a veritable line of white and purple shirts shifts towards in unison. Pavlovic rises and gets a glancing head to it… which is enough to carry it to lurking Belgrave midfielder Diana Lake, who takes a touch before digging it high over all the bodies, and a stranded Britton. Belgrave look almost to be cruising as they dominate the rest of the first half, not quite fluent but still with the bulk of possession… but time and again, they fluff their lines in the final third, and Iona Britton is always there to take advantage of weak finishes or wayward touches and keep the Diamonds alive.

That work is repaid up front when Auburn Weber, given too much space by Ward around the box, plays a neat one-two with Blaylock (holding back Naess), then another with roving rightback Unworth before placing the ball beautifully for Fortounis to drive it home at the far post. Meriadoc Griffiths, Belgrave’s Brenecian manager, curses on the touchline… but the Diamonds can’t capitalise. Yet again, they just look weary and sluggish in possession, and even a desperate double substitution on the hour from Colbright doesn’t alleviate the fatigue. Finally, one of those weary legs is stretched too far. Noma Sutton, who has had a strong, dependable season, wearily brings Lazarou down on the edge of the area. Up steps Espen Whyte, the seasoned midfielder who has been a stable presence this season in an otherwise thrilling side… and he slams it low and hard past Britton, who infuriatingly brushes fingertips against it but can’t quite direct it away. With that, unfancied Belgrave haul themselves into the Premiership. Young, poor Diamondqueen, after finishing 20th in the past two seasons, finally slip under the line.

COPA de CAMPEONES FINAL
Everyone knows the Moths have an implosion in them. With a grim sense of timing, this is one of them.

NFA CUP FINAL
Sometimes, it’s hard to inject drama into an occasion - though it’d be hard to match Crisisbless’ 8-0 annihilation of Extreme Hills (in the second tier at the time) a few years ago. Still, it looks like it’s heading that way in the first half of this final. Starling go in as standout favourites, and play the part accordingly, dominating play and pummelling Rebecca Scannell’s goal with shots. Keira Andisori, the league’s top scorer with thirty strikes to her name, bends home the first past Scannell just four minutes in, hits a post not long after and then sets up Liam Armstrong to double their advantage. It’s headed for a massacre, and the embattled Bishop manager, Brightwater, is wincing in the technical area.

And then, in the second half… the bloodletting stops. Starling take their foot off the accelerator and, most strikingly, Nova Kymeri - an ocean of calm in the first half - takes a heavy touch and lets Karlene Sitz snap the ball away from under her feet. Sitz plays forward for Mersiades as Bishop, possession philosophy or not, bring back their quick-breaking instincts from the Spurlock era, and Mersiades goes long. You can see Brightwater screaming bloody murder in the technical area… right up until Coffey dashes in from nowhere, chests the ball down and quickly skims the ball into the net past a bewildered Smordal. Suddenly, there’s a game, and people are snapping into tackles left and right. Bezemer, with blood streaming down her face, smashes the ball against the crossbar (though Smordal likely had it covered) just before play’s stopped to treat her, while at the other end Andisori is played through on goal only to fire straight at Scannell, and stare at her feet wondering where her instincts went. As it stood, though, it didn’t make the difference. Bishop tired, and the game steadily returned to its initial pattern, Starling lazily running rings around the opposition. Starling held firm, and Deirdre McNessa - captain for the day, with Hargrave watching on from the bench - lifts the trophy. Lisa Amos hasn’t had the funds of the sides around her, and perhaps hasn’t been able to make the flashy signings. The silverware hasn’t kept coming, and perhaps the interest from abroad in the Passerines’ story is starting to wane. But tonight, all financial concerns vanish. Tonight, Starling are Cup champions.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               46  29   8   9  101   50  +51  95
  2 Crisisbless              46  28   8  10   71   40  +31  92
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       46  25  15   6   95   51  +44  90
  4 Starling                 46  26  11   9   92   50  +42  89
  5 Sabrefell Moths          46  24  13   9   90   69  +21  85
  6 North Laithland          46  24  10  12   78   58  +20  82
  7 Newrook City             46  22  11  13   77   55  +22  77
  8 Chenoworth Harriers      46  21  13  12   61   41  +20  76
  9 Violence Chariots        46  19  16  11   70   52  +18  73
 10 AFC Treason              46  20  12  14   66   40  +26  72
 11 Vermillion Rage          46  18  13  15   61   50  +11  67
 12 Coret Hawks              46  19   8  19   58   64   -6  65
 13 Southfell United         46  16  15  15   63   61   +2  63
 14 Raven River              46  16  11  19   61   65   -4  59
 15 AFC Corvistone           46  16  10  20   57   73  -16  58
 16 Cypher Town              46  14  11  21   42   61  -19  53
 17 Creed United             46  13  11  22   50   73  -23  50
 18 Goodfeather FC           46  12  10  24   43   65  -22  46
 19 Bishop                   46  11  12  23   50   70  -20  45
 20 Leichhardt               46   9  14  23   31   50  -19  41
 21 Diamondqueen             46   9  13  24   39   84  -45  40
 22 Corvette Maulers         46   9  12  25   46   91  -45  39
 23 Parrhesia United         46   8  10  28   53  104  -51  34
 24 Morningstar              46   6   9  31   27   65  -38  27

TOP SCORERS
30 - Andisori (STA)
29 - Hawke (SFA)
27 - Scotti (BRI)
24 - Conjure (BRI)
22 - Stokes (NLA), Johnson (SFM), Êns (SFA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Keira Andisori (STA)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Evelyn Conjure (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Marcin Close (BRI)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Xíxì Êns (SFA)
Team of the Year: Marciak (CRI); Haines (SFM), Svensson (TRE), Zagorec (NRC), Lohengrin (CRI); Crowther (CHH), Coltrane (SFA), Conjure (BRI), Dragana (BRI); Hawke (SFM), Andisori (STA) - Bench: G. Fletcher (TRE); Rafford (CRI), Close (BRI), Kymeri (STA), Soederquist (BRI), Webster (NLA), Êns (SFA)
Manager of the Year: Leo Santander (NLA)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Crisisbless United           46  31   9   6  103  37  +66  102
  2 North Sabrefell              46  29  12   5  104  42  +62   99
  3 South Laithland              46  23  14   9   73  41  +32   83
  4 Belgrave                     46  24   7  15   76  54  +22   79
  5 Brookford Otters             46  25   4  17   73  58  +15   79
  6 Chatswood                    46  23   8  15   75  40  +35   77
  7 Chenoworth Rovers            46  21  13  12   68  41  +27   76
  8 AFC Serpentine               46  18  14  14   57  53   +4   68
  9 Stahlburg Rovers             46  18  13  15   67  53  +14   67
 10 Armstrong                    46  18  12  16   46  44   +2   66
 11 Stahlburg City               46  16  16  14   51  40  +11   64
 12 Iron City                    46  17  11  18   40  49   -9   62
 13 Cranequin Wanderers          46  14  15  17   48  47   +1   57
 14 Vermillion Wanderers         46  14  14  18   57  66   -9   56
 15 Sheridan                     46  13  16  17   32  43  -11   55
 16 Extreme Hills                46  15  10  21   58  74  -16   55
 17 Hackett                      46  12  17  17   50  69  -19   53
 18 Gonen's Bridge               46  12  14  20   38  66  -28   50
 19 Coret Rovers                 46  15   4  27   45  86  -41   49
 20 Locksley                     46  11  15  20   58  81  -23   48
 21 Crossroads Town              46  12  11  23   55  75  -20   47
 22 Crisisbless Athletic         46  13   8  25   40  81  -41   47
 23 Ritter Town                  46  11  10  25   59  85  -26   43
 24 East Laithland Harriers      46   6  15  25   48  96  -48   33

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Erika Wolff (NSF)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Sigrun Rivers (CRU)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Claudia Bohr (BRO)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Moray Banerman (CRU)
Team of the Year: Meixner (SLA); Dreyfuss (BEL), Rashkin (CHT), Banerman (CRU), Karagounis (NSF); Rivers (CRU), Na’Ryibi (CRU), Montag (NSF), Moxey (STR); Bentzen (SLA), Wolff (NSF)
Manager of the Year: Bess Gannon (COR)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin City            46  24  12  10  71  42  +29  84
  2 Greygate                  46  24  11  11  75  49  +26  83
  3 West Brinemouth           46  22  13  11  60  35  +25  79
  4 Stonegrave                46  22  13  11  53  33  +20  79
  5 Pillars of Southfell      46  22  13  11  48  34  +14  79
  6 Mantlegrove               46  21  14  11  55  39  +16  77
  7 Lazuli Diamonds           46  21  13  12  69  56  +13  76
  8 Riverkey                  46  19  15  12  50  34  +16  72
  9 Rochford                  46  20  11  15  53  33  +20  71
 10 Chardonnay Rangers        46  20  11  15  60  50  +10  71
 11 Iron United               46  17  16  13  53  44   +9  67
 12 The Strongest             46  17  11  18  86  64  +22  62
 13 Dartmouth Terriers        46  18   8  20  48  62  -14  62
 14 AFC Shale                 46  14  14  18  37  39   -2  56
 15 Brindleton                46  15  11  20  49  62  -13  56
 16 Southriver                46  13  16  17  48  50   -2  55
 17 Strephonage               46  13  15  18  32  45  -13  54
 18 Peregrine                 46  14  10  22  62  77  -15  52
 19 Sutcroft                  46  15   6  25  53  83  -30  51
 20 The Hanged Man            46  11  15  20  30  47  -17  48
 21 Kommissar                 46  10  18  18  45  73  -28  48
 22 Alliance Barossia         46  10  16  20  36  50  -14  46
 23 Barossia United           46  10  10  26  29  62  -33  40
 24 Martella Jazz             46   9  10  27  42  81  -39  37

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Ox River United            46  31   8   7  69  31  +38  101
  2 Falston United             46  28  11   7  88  41  +47   95
  3 Corinthians No Longer      46  26   8  12  81  49  +32   86
  4 Ballardine FC              46  24  10  12  90  53  +37   82
  5 Boltcroft Thorns           46  23  12  11  99  49  +50   81
  6 Kensey Town                46  22  12  12  66  44  +22   78
  7 Aries Solitaire            46  22   9  15  91  70  +21   75
  8 West Hook                  46  21  11  14  57  51   +6   74
  9 South Parrhesia            46  21   9  16  78  69   +9   72
 10 Gosmouth Swans             46  16  13  17  73  69   +4   61
 11 Long Lake                  46  16  13  17  43  44   -1   61
 12 Brokenarch                 46  16  12  18  55  54   +1   60
 13 Hartford Glade             46  14  18  14  63  67   -4   60
 14 Falston Town               46  17   7  22  52  70  -18   58
 15 Mapleford                  46  16   9  21  56  72  -16   57
 16 Rushe United               46  17   6  23  59  77  -18   57
 17 Sutcroft Athletic          46  14  14  18  51  57   -6   56
 18 Boleyn Town                46  16   8  22  36  54  -18   56
 19 Pravenna Saints            46  13   9  24  46  65  -19   48
 20 Sirencall FC               46  13   9  24  50  80  -30   48
 21 FC Seierstad               46  12  10  24  54  86  -32   46
 22 Ringway                    46  13   6  27  47  79  -32   45
 23 Bodkin Road                46  10  12  24  47  81  -34   42
 24 Brookway Town              46   9   8  29  45  84  -39   35

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ingram Township         38  23   8   7  62  24  +38  77
  2 Gridlock                38  20  15   3  52  24  +28  75
  3 Iberia Chenoworth       38  20   7  11  94  59  +35  67
  4 Fischer                 38  19  10   9  62  32  +30  67
  5 Fully Sick XI           38  18  12   8  73  55  +18  66
  6 Crownsend Journey       38  17  11  10  61  52   +9  62
  7 Grovebank               38  17   8  13  48  44   +4  59
  8 Sleetwell Rangers       38  15   9  14  54  55   -1  54
  9 Stonesthrow Town        38  13  13  12  30  38   -8  52
 10 Fenland Albion          38  14   7  17  35  36   -1  49
 11 Dross Rovers            38  14   6  18  45  56  -11  48
 12 Lockheed Zenith         38  13   8  17  55  59   -4  47
 13 Harrington              38  12  10  16  51  52   -1  46
 14 Swag Hill Rovers        38  11  13  14  56  76  -20  46
 15 AFC Brackwold           38  11  10  17  47  52   -5  43
 16 Courser                 38  12   6  20  37  48  -11  42
 17 AFC Hellerine           38  10  10  18  37  56  -19  40
 18 Capricopia Rangers      38  10   9  19  39  56  -17  39
 19 Gridlock East           38  10   9  19  33  63  -30  39
 20 Nay Town                38   7   7  24  38  72  -34  28
Promoted: Aspen Grove, Coleman Ridge

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Downsparrow               38  28   1   9  74  41  +33  85
  2 Brunyard FC               38  23   8   7  61  35  +26  77
  3 Rochford Pilgrims         38  22   7   9  80  42  +38  73
  4 Stamper Road              38  21   7  10  68  43  +25  70
  5 Brookford Vantablack      38  18  13   7  72  39  +33  67
  6 Blaze                     38  21   4  13  72  44  +28  67
  7 South Brill               38  18  10  10  47  36  +11  64
  8 Coral Bay                 38  17   9  12  56  53   +3  60
  9 Rhyburn Swifts            38  17   8  13  66  55  +11  59
 10 Rookwall                  38  13  10  15  35  44   -9  49
 11 The Travellers FC         38  13   9  16  59  63   -4  48
 12 AFC Burchess              38  12  10  16  40  47   -7  46
 13 AFC Volksgarten           38  11   9  18  36  51  -15  42
 14 Gridlock Rovers           38  11   9  18  40  65  -25  42
 15 Mainstream Fist           38  10  10  18  35  56  -21  40
 16 Corby Hubris              38  11   7  20  45  72  -27  40
 17 Twelvetrees               38  10   8  20  38  56  -18  38
 18 Corvistone City           38   9  10  19  34  47  -13  37
 19 Sandrock                  38   7  10  21  26  50  -24  31
 20 Senway Town               38   5   7  26  37  82  -45  22
Promoted: Autumnstone, Constance Park

by **Nephara** » Sun Jun 03, 2018 5:23 pm

Season 71 Preview

by **Nephara** » Mon Jun 04, 2018 3:14 pm

by **Nephara** » Tue Jun 05, 2018 5:08 pm

by **Nephara** » Tue Jun 05, 2018 5:10 pm

First Division Preview

Lower Down the Pyramid

Second Division
Rochford's campaign spun dramatically off the rails last time around, but two managers and some more recruitment later they look to be the favourites for immediate promotion yet again. Expect Ritter Town to join them after their shock relegation, with Chardonnay Rangers also up there looking for a turn. Behind them, it's fairly even. At the bottom, Sutcroft and Strephonage had their great escapes last time around, but are up against it again. Ox River, despite their incredibly good season to punch above their weight last season, are likely to struggle.

Third Division
Alliance Barossia look stronger than they did when they first went down, which was a surprise even then. They only barely conceded more than a goal a game, just one more than promoted Greygate. They look the standout favourites, with Barossia United and Kommissar also fancied to come straight back up. Boltcroft Thorns and Aries Solitaire are ambitious smaller clubs who are looking to break into that First or Second Division bracket. At the bottom, it could finally be the death knell for underperforming sides in Rushe, Boleyn and Gridlock.

by **Nephara** » Fri Jun 08, 2018 3:27 pm

The bells, the whistles, the flares, the chants, the smell of roasting currywurst and souvlaki and beer… the sights and smells of the motherfucking Premiership are back! And it’s the first time in a while we’ve seen South Laithland or Crisisbless United at the big table, and maybe it shows - the Southrons are badly off the pace as Sur Arora’s Moths sweep them off the board, Reinhard Meixner doing his best between the posts for the visitors but, ultimately, Ashburner and Romano seal the points, as Vermillion Rage cannily hit United on the break twice for a cool win. Belgrave go valiantly toe-to-toe with Athletic, and honestly should have at least taken a point away… but at the end of the day, they are profligate, Xixi Ens is not. But North Sabrefell are surely happiest of all, as Cheney Bittencourt’s first result in charge of the Stags is an utter stinker. They’re resoundingly outplayed by the newly-promoted Bohemians, Roxel with a POTM performance on debut and Wolff with her first and second Premiership goals, every player on the pitch doing their part. Elsewhere, North Laithland come crashing back down to earth after the Chariots annihilate them 5-1, an early red card for Katja Christensen is the catalyst for the Harriers to be battered 4-1 by Southfell as new signings Fairfax and Vyntra excel and Freya McCosgraigh gets two assists on debut to see Cypher upset Starling away.

“Now I know,” Conan Estelline says grandly before a visit to Brinemouth, “that Nepharim are kind of notorious dinosaurs when it comes to analytics, so I know many of you will be hoping I fail…” Ahhh, a good way to endear oneself to the press. But it’s hard to argue with results, and Bishop get one. Overrun in the first half, they fight back in the second, a cool finish from Ansel Penbrooke pulling one back before the Llamanean forward sets up Faiza Huyton for a clipped outside-of-the-boot equaliser past Morales. What a start for the 22-year old! Starling recover from their patchy early form, and run roughshod over a decidedly second-rate Goodfeather. 4-0 is the final score, with the Quakers barely able to lay a glove on their opponents, and Ezra Stonewaters looks pensive in the dugout. River should be similarly concerned at the same scoreline as they lie down and die to the Harriers, a match that Angela Braugher takes by the scruff of the neck and scores twice before laying on an assist for Rexmont, while things go from bad to worse for Cheney Bittencourt as his Treason side are toothless against spirited rivals North Laithland, Josie Webster with the only goal of the game. Sabrefell Athletic, meanwhile, look shaky and complacent against the sheer bruising physicality of South Laithland, and rely on Grey Meisler to come off the bench and simply get a goal through sheer pace, looping the seventh and final goal over a stranded Meixner in injury time to secure a remarkable 4-3 comeback win. “We’ve shown we’re a force to be taken seriously,” says Lyn Hartmann staunchly, and she has a point, though not, well, any points.

South Laithland get on the board with a win over Crisisbless United, with a showing of spirit and intensity masking their clear technical deficiencies. Natasha catches the eye for her close control and composure, and it’s the Daineri midfielder who gets the goal, springing past an over-commited Na’Ryibi and whipping a low, hard strike into the corner beyond Sparwasser. Treason also get back on track by edging Cypher. River do not. River, controversially, decide to get pasted 4-0 again, this time by Newrook City. Couturiaux runs the show with impeccable long passes as Andreu Bartolnicci is a thrilled, animated figure in the dugout, while Kia Anders next to him looks like she wants to throw up. North Sabrefell have to take the plaudits, however, as they dominate Sabrefell Athletic. Wolff scores another brace, the heavyset Montag volleys in a somewhat fortuitous effort from a Farina clearance that fell nicely for her and Alcuin Sharp hits the post to blitz Tom Benedict’s side, 3-0 up away from home within half an hour. Hawke pulls one back, but is withdrawn on the hour - there’s no coming back from this, as Stinnett proves with a shot that slips underneath Gautier to make it 4-1.

Sabrefell Athletic seem to have adopted the tactic of simply outscoring everyone this season, as Rainsford looks to be a little too over the hill to quite cover her defensive responsibilities alone anymore, but when they dominate possession and put Crisisbless United, a side that isn’t built to withstand pressure, under pressure? It turns out the Chequers just explode, losing 5-1 as Ixion Stamatellis has one of the worst matches a Premiership player has ever had, slicing a spectacular own goal into his own net, giving away a penalty and then being sent off for a godawful late challenge on Bereveskos. North Sabrefell chalk up another impressive win, this time against North Laithland, and Gareth Blackthorn is quickly becoming the hipster choice for next great manager. Admittedly, they owed much to Lukas Sparr giving away and then saving a penalty in injury time, one of seven firm saves across the match. River, meanwhile, see their first point of the season slip through their grasp. As in, literally, it slips through Bowerman’s grasp, a shot from Padilla he really should have held squeezing cruelly through his hands for a late Starling winner.

Eyes on both ends of the table. Match of the round is undoubtedly Belgrave hosting Goodfeather, the quick, impetuous Gargoyles against the fragile but graceful Quakers. Fragile and graceful, that is, apart from Falcon Case, the burly midfielder bustling into the centre and burying a somewhat optimistic cross from Aviston, before Aurora Jewel bursts down the centre, Naess’ hand practically tearing her shirt off as she muscles clear and hoofs home Goodfeather’s second. But the game changes on a brutal challenge from Ursa Dimitar that literally knocks Lake from her boots, and as she’s stretchered off, Dimitar’s sent off. Tanner finds the right free kick to let Giatrakis flick home one back, before Muscat and Conrad put the Gargoyles in the lead early in the second half. In the dying stages of the game, however, Goodfeather striker Gabriel Prosper comes off the bench and, with his first and only touch of the game, hooks Leitner’s killer ball beyond a scrambling Connell for the equaliser, his first Premiership goal. Somewhat more pedestrian, but probably more significant at the sharp end, Sabrefell Moths simply can’t find the cutting edge to get beyond a ruthlessly efficient Crisisbless side that shut them down at every turn, Ruhl and Coppinger applying the finishing touches in the second half. Credit’s also due to Cypher Town, who succeed where everyone else has thus far failed and inflict a first Premiership defeat on North Sabrefell, just too compact to break down, too quick to press in midfield and, through the blossoming Olivia Nygard, too clinical up front as they win 2-1.

Plenty of eyecatching results here, but perhaps one that stands above the rest. We’ll get to it last, shall we? Plenty more to get our teeth stuck into first. Corvistone put up a valiant effort against Sabrefell Athletic, but are let down by, frankly, the dismal mismatch that is a scatterbrained Heston and an aging Tatu against the world-class Hawke and Ens. An entertaining firefight, but one Athletic run out deserved 5-3 winners. Treason manager Cheney Bittencourt returns to Raven River and as his team canter to a 2-0 lead within fifteen minutes is treated to a chorus of “we want our coach back”. That’s enough to get a chuckle out of him, and a grimace from Kia Anders. Treason run out 3-1 winners with Clarisse Ulreich making an assured Premiership debut on the right, and River have six defeats from six. Brinemouth drop the ball, and a 2-0 lead, after the hour mark as Meier’s goal from nowhere, a spectacular volley over Morales’ head from thirty yards, makes them lose all structure. Vol rams into them, Romano and Serra pick up the scraps, and the Moths take three valuable points home. Bishop have had a stop-start beginning to the season, but have largely faced strong opposition. It’s promising, then, that against Violence Chariots - their first really gettable opposition - they canter out to a 4-1 win in which the system just works, the five-man midfield swallowing possession whole and Penbrooke clinical in front of goal. And now all that’s over with… Southfell beat Belgrave 10-1. Cordean has the best day of his time at Belgrave, Gail and Marlowe don’t miss a chance between them, Vyntra rolls back the years, and Belgrave are just genuinely fucking awful. It’s the first time in modern Premiership history - over two decades, now - that a team has scored double digits, and the first time there’s been a nine-goal margin of victory. Belgrave had been doing alright so far, but mysteriously, odds shorten drastically on their relegation.

Raven River get off the mark for the season, finally. First-half goals from Leonard and Donath set them in good stead, but Alexandra Lazarou skims a late equaliser just under the crossbar from outside the box that Bowerman might have gotten to. It’s River’s first point of the season… but it came against a Belgrave side that, due reminder, were just hammered 10-1 in a record Premiership scoreline. For their part, Southfell are evidently hungover from that result, and North Sabrefell take them apart 4-1. The Crisisbless derby goes to show that the formbook really does get thrown out, and all of those cliches. United have been pretty terrible so far in their return, but open the scoring - Crisisbless’ tight man-marking can only go far when Antelmi’s outside-of-the-boot pass sets up Novkovic to thread the ball into the bottom corner. They’re not content to sit on that, either, forcing some sharp saves from Gerhard Hartmuth (deputising for the injured Marciak) and skimming the post with a strike from Rivers, but at the end of the day, the Heelers can bring Urso, Vesper and Drenas on from the bench, and it’s Vesper that sets up Drenas for a clinical finish beyond Sparwasser. 1-1 about right, on the balance, though naturally both sets of fans felt aggrieved at various minor refereeing calls.

Coret Hawks are being very dull at the moment. Following a scoreless draw with Coret, they’ve neither scored nor conceded more than one goal in a match since after the first day. Pavlovic has fit in well at the back thus far, but key striker Tarquin Ulster is yet to score and they’re short on alternatives. Leichhardt get a scoreless draw of their own, against Athletic, but they seriously don’t look like they’ve resolved their issues in front of goal and barely even challenge the visiting goalkeeper Gautier. River produce the shock of the round when they finally win a game, crushing in-form North Sabrefell 3-0. Creative influences Kesteren and Petkovic are finally awake! Klaus Breisgau finally scores his first, and second, goals of the season! And North Sabrefell do not have the pace at the back, or the sweeping goalkeeper, necessary to play as high a line as Blackthorn wanted them to, not when Kesteren could just hit long balls over all day for River’s fast strikers.

Leichhardt go from a respectable point against Athletic to not mustering so much as a shot against a Crisisbless side that just steps on their throat and grinds their heel until there are three goals and nothing left. Starling manage a titanic defensive performance as the Moths visit, Padilla setting up Kaelin for the only goal of the game in the 29th minute and getting sent off in the 36th. Starling cling on, Hargrave saves a penalty and recent signing Alcander Visser is hugely impressive in blocking out the towering Sol. Corvistone score first against Brinemouth with a clever finish from Afolayan, but that just makes the Dockers angry, and they blast eight past Veloz at the other end. Meanwhile, all four promoted sides win their games, South Laithland with a late winner from substitute forward Dietrich Sorrenson on his 33rd birthday that Newrook swore blind was offside (leading to Glenn Baumann getting his marching orders for dissent) and Crisisbless United finally getting their first win of the season, second-half goals from Rivers and Lennox enough to break through the Harriers, Betancourt looking relieved on the bench.

20-year old centre-half Ilyana Brosch is immediately slipped into Corvistone’s back line to replace Tatu, the redoubtable captain Malley replaces the callow Lekea and the aging Veloz is replaced by acrobatic Kovacic, and they go from conceding eight goals at home to a clean sheet away in Chenoworth, though Braugher does hit a post from four yards. Southfell are on the warpath again, this time demolishing Goodfeather 4-0. Maybe it was too early to write off Metan Cordean after all? He’s been fantastic so far this season, running the show in a drifting midfield role, perhaps feeling more secure with the destructive forces of his countryman Hemeyer covering him. River beat Cypher with a crisp finish from Kesteren from outside the box, through a cluster of bodies and a deflection. It’s a deserved win, but what really takes the headlines is Povilas Kaukenas on the bench, so impatient with Anders’ refusal to substitute him on that he takes initiative into his own hands and runs onto the pitch. The referee doesn’t notice River are playing with twelve men, right up until the oblivious Kaeman passes to him and he batters the ball straight at Ruo, leading to his expulsion, and a perhaps harsh three match suspension.

The group stage opens, to mixed results. What you have to do when facing Lammerton, as any kid who plays too much WCC Ultimate Team could tell you, is shut down Kaytlyne Victoriane. Marcin Close is an excellent young player, but he can’t do it, and the Chromatik forward’s crisply-taken first-half brace winds up being the difference. Conjure pulls one back before Dragana and Naeher trade goals, but a thunderbolt from man of the match Horvat finishes the Dockers off. Crisisbless, for their part, have a much happier time against Catherine Sedgwick’s Storm. Christopheran Maeve Bronte is dominant in the centre of the pitch, as always, with Ruhl, Coppinger, Jevdjevic-Hadsic and Rafford showing up with a flurry of goals.

Plenty of fine shows, around a couple of key match-ups. One lives up to its promise; the other very much does not, as the Moths and Treason grind out a scoreless draw that owes much to the Stags’ defensive partnership of Svensson and Vornander. So eyes gravitate instead to Crisisbless, normally cagey and tight and disciplined… but Brinemouth poke the bear, a distant strike from Conjure arcing beyond Marciak before the talismanic midfielder set up Dragana for a tidy finish, and that just sets things off. Going fast, hard and direct, Coppinger seizes upon a loose ball from the unusually unsteady Close to stab home one back, before her cross sets up Ruhl to make it 2-2. Lohengrin sets up Ruhl for Crisisbless to lead not long after that, but then Bajnok gives away a penalty for Conjure to convert. No worries, though - in the last ten minutes of an otherwise dull second half, Staunton flicks a cross over a scrambling Morales for Jevdjevic-Hadsic to tap home, before Allison Swan’s deflected strike finishes the Dockers off. Starling are a little fortunate to get away with a win over Crisisbless United, for which they rest Andisori. Deputising for her, Cesar Corvalan slams home a late winner… but he was almost certainly offside at the time. South Laithland, meanwhile, implode late on against the Chariots, conceding a red card, a penalty and an own goal to lose 4-3 and ruin an excellent all-round shift from Esteban Bentzen.

As usual, the first round is full of incident at names nobody outside the country will recognise. It’s a nice opportunity for teams who aspire to better things than the fourth tier to beat down on fifth-tier sides - Aries Solitaire batter Coral Bay 5-0, while Gosmouth Swans put six past newly-promoted Constance Park. Coleman Ridge also fall at the hurdle of their first ever Cup match in what is, honestly, a fairly clinical penalty shoot-out against Corby considering their level, while Autumnstone and Aspen Grove manage to succeed at the first attempt. In the ‘how far they have fallen’ stakes, meanwhile, Mainstream Fist miss the goal altogether with three of their penalties against Iberia, who nail all four of theirs.

Four points separate the top six as things are, unsurprisingly, very close at the top. Crisisbless fall off the summit to third, Chenoworth Harriers - who haven’t done brilliantly so far - clawing a win thanks to Dimitriev’s spawning-salmon leap to head home a Rexmont corner, which leaves Starling to claim top with an easy 3-0 win over the Crows and the Moths to take second after beating Belgrave 4-2. It’s Brinemouth who really throw the cat amongst the pigeons, though, absolutely dominant in a 4-1 thrashing of Sabrefell Athletic in which Steve Fox shows his limitations and Rainsford her age as the Reds are pegged back time and again, Dragana and Scotti clinical in front of goal with a screamer from Montague and a first goal from substitute Malachi Chalk to finish things off. Newrook separate the two, sitting pretty in fifth after a straightforward win over Leichhardt. Southfell currently occupy seventh, looking better than they have in surely over a decade. Treason’s heavy 3-0 win over South Laithland sees them leapfrog North Sabrefell on goal difference after they’re demolished 5-1 by Vermillion, but you suspect the Bohemians will be delighted with their current placement anyway. The Rage round out the top ten.

Conspicuously not at the bottom, despite prophecies of doom and gloom, are a compact, organised Bishop side, perhaps unlucky to only get a draw with Goodfeather FC whose late leveller from Case simply had too much power for aging Bishop goalkeeper Scannell to keep out. Beneath them, no fewer than eight sides have failed to claim a point a game, and it’s not hard to see how the current bottom three got there. Leichhardt have scored just five goals all season, somehow, it took River seven matches to get their first point and Crisisbless United, beaten convincingly by the Chariots, still only have the one win.

Tihon leftback Tessa Bayliss gets to reunite with her hometown club! It doesn’t go well for her, or for the grim-faced Nepharim manager, Catheline Allister. Chromatik sides have vastly improved in quality of late, but ultimately their champions have little defence against Brinemouth’s overpowering attacking quality. Scotti scores three en route to a 5-1 win. Crisisbless have a harder time of things, visiting Theresa Riether’s Eastweald. Brosque’s Heelers submit in terms of possession and territory, sponge up pressure and a couple of scares from Penumbra Amokachi, who thinks she should earn a penalty on the hour mark… but the Heelers play to the whistle, Marciak quickly rifles the ball forward for Rafford, to Coppinger, who centres for Ruhl to shepherd the ball into the net for the only goal of the game. “Smash and grab?” Brosque snorts in the post-match press conference. “Sure. But we did grab it.”

Matchday 1: A real statement of intent in west Treason, Daniella Strauss coming to town in her first game in management for the Maulers and coming away with a 4-1 win in which Fiona Norval gets off the ground with a brace. The Chenoworth Rovers similarly run roughshod over Gonen's Bridge, the central midfield of Lozada and Paterson dominating, while at the bottom of the table an utterly dire scoreless draw between Sheridan and Greygate seems to illustrate how long a season they're destined to have.

Matchday 2: A second straight 4-0 win for Chenoworth Rovers, this time over Locksley. The question of "can Nega Bazin do it on a cold night in Barossia" appears to have been solved - with five goals so far, he's the early top scorer. Morningstar, under Helena Fleischer, actually manage not just to outplay Sheridan but to outbastard them as well, Coridan Ryder handing Kate Mullen a concussion and Scarrow handing Morningstar the win with a scuffed clearance, straight to Tsiavis.

Matchday 3: Three wins from three for Nyao's Parrhesia, this one most convincing of all as they batter Coret 4-1. Abigail Teris is very clearly immediately one of the best players in the division, with Spyrakis an eye-catching shot-stopper and McEthinly looking more comfortable at this level than she ever did at the top. Diamondqueen visit Stahlburg and, well, Douglas Tibet's men can't lay a glove on their opponents, perhaps dazzled by his purple and chartreuse jacket. In a well-worn story, Auburn Weber scores the game's only goal.

Matchday 4: Diamondqueen take the plaudits again, this time for a 6-2 hammering of Coret Rovers. Weber simply is a step ahead of the competition, and Brewer and Roman can't get to grips with her. "Would people prefer I just kicked her every time she had the ball?" Roman exploded after the match. Well, yes, Bosko, they would. Meanwhile, Gonen's Bridge striker Spinnett has three shots from eight touches all game... and gets a hat-trick, as Bridge beat Sheridan 3-0.

Matchday 5: Sheridan score their first goal. And their second, and their third, in a worrying sign for a Locksley side that look downright sieveish at the back. In a generally tense week, it's the Stahlburg derby that unsurprisingly catches the eye. It's a real tussle more than a game, and though Moxey hits a post, it's Isabella Shi, who has flattered to deceive so far and, it has to be honest, still looks a little overweight, who gets the only goal of the game. It's a thing of beauty, too, seizing on the end of Brujah's long pass, a lovely bit of trickery to get Scarratt to fall over before driving the ball low and hard into the bottom corner past Bolander.

Matchday 6: Coret Rovers look dangerously flaky, and that costs them against their namesakes from Stahlburg - 3-2 up away from home at half-time, it slips away, errors from Evans, More and, cruelly, the otherwise reliable Kewell handing Stahlburg a win. Some people are graceful winners. Thorodel Nagdalene, whose header it was that slipped underneath Kewell, runs the length of the away crowd making a large L with both hands. The final Rovers, Chenoworth, have their third 4-0 win in six games, mauling Armstrong this time around.

Matchday 7: Stahlburg City flare into life, with what is anticipated to be a clash of title favourites against Chenoworth Rovers... but it's barely even a contest. City are first to every ball, and ruthless enough to really hurt the Rovers, Shi can't be tamed by any of the Rovers' vaunted defenders and notches up a brace before a screamer from lanky rightback Ellen Mifsud, of all people, makes it 3-0. "We were second-best," Harper has to admit. Corvette Maulers also get the plaudits for demolishing Vermillion Wanderers, Jasko Voleimann having turned into some kind of world-beater at this level and Fiona Norval's Midas touch in front of goal causing a 5-1 win.

Matchday 8: "It was a blip. That's all." Catheline Harper refuses to give in to pessimism, and her Rovers recover from that damaging defeat to the Smiths by putting Coret Rovers to the sword, 4-1, in a match where Coret's defensive bulwark Muller concedes a penalty and is later sent off. Stahlburg City, meanwhile, are perhaps hungover from that win, and get turned over 2-0 by Chatswood. Bryony Johansen can only chew her nails on the sidelines as Extreme Hills implode against Sheridan, who smash and grab a 2-0 win in the Laith, as the Hounds' young foreign centre-halves Levitt and Ciernik appear to be struggling to get to grips with the league's, and specifically Potenza's, physicality.

Matchday 9: Parrhesia United dominate Stahlburg Rovers, and should easily win. But Bolander's in fine form between the posts, and though Coraline Madrigal does put them a goal to the good on the seventy-minute mark, the Rovers throw on Nagdalene, the sort of player who radiates a liminal space. So it proves, miscommunication between Altman and Spyrakis meaning the centre-half passes back to where Spyrakis isn't actually around, and the goalkeeper slips in the slick grass, letting Nagdalene rush in and slam home the equaliser. Sheridan claim yet another win, this time over struggling Armstrong, as the referee somehow overlooks Yeoman being elbowed in the head as he comes out to claim a corner, allowing Potenza to chest it into the net.

Matchday 10: On a day where thee's not much pleasing to the eye going on, Stahlburg against Sheridan is an utter slog, ending goalless and with neither side ever really breaking the other's guard. AFC Serpentine beat Parrhesia thanks to a second-half brace from burly defender Nils Armbruster, who it turns out is simply unstoppable in the air. Given he'd already scored an own goal, though, scuffing Teris' cross past a sprawling Briggs, he's less than amused by talk of his 'hat-trick'. West Brinemouth beat Chatswood, leading to a spectacular meltdown by Leigh Fletcher; "This was a great club once! We used to keep out Brinemouth, the real Brinemouth, at the end of every season - now we're conceding at home to whoever the fuck Brun Terry is!"

Matchday 11: Say what you will about Helena Fleischer, the burly neophyte manager is getting a tune out of Morningstar. They dominate Extreme Hills, cruising to a 3-0 win, rock-solid at the back and finally, finally getting results from Tsiavis up front. Iron City may no longer have World Cup champion Elaine Ashdown, but they do have... um... Marcin Faehrmann. To the winger's credit, though, he manages to lamp in a goal from half-way after spotting Bolander slav-squatting on the edge of the six-yard box for what turns out to be the winner.

Matchday 12: So far, it's a two-horse race and the surprise is that neither horse is goalshy Stahlburg City, languishing in tenth despite a 1-0 win over Greygate. The rampant Chenoworth Rovers are currently at the top as Corvette slip to a 1-1 draw with Extreme Hills, who haven't won since the first matchday and are bottom of the table as a result. Coret Rovers, who can't stop conceding, manage to stop conceding as they beat Stonegrave 2-0, but remain languishing in second-last, and defeats for Armstrong and Cranequin City put them in trouble as well. Brookford and Morningstar round out the 3.5 promotion places, but at this early stage things remain pretty even.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 12  9  1  2  26  11  +15  28
  2 Sabrefell Moths          12  9  1  2  26  15  +11  28
  3 Crisisbless              12  8  2  2  20   8  +12  26
  4 Brinemouth               12  8  1  3  37  20  +17  25
  5 Newrook City             12  8  0  4  22  10  +12  24
  6 Sabrefell Athletic       12  7  3  2  25  18   +7  24
  7 Southfell United         12  6  3  3  32  16  +16  21
  8 AFC Treason              12  6  2  4  15  11   +4  20
  9 North Sabrefell          12  6  2  4  23  20   +3  20
 10 Vermillion Rage          12  5  4  3  18  14   +4  19
 11 Violence Chariots        12  5  4  3  25  22   +3  19
 12 Chenoworth Harriers      12  5  3  4  18  16   +2  18
 13 Coret Hawks              12  5  3  4  13  12   +1  18
 14 North Laithland          12  5  3  4  18  19   -1  18
 15 Cypher Town              12  3  4  5  10  15   -5  13
 16 Bishop                   12  3  3  6  13  17   -4  12
 17 Creed United             12  3  2  7  15  23   -8  11
 18 AFC Corvistone           12  3  2  7  16  26  -10  11
 19 South Laithland          12  3  1  8  14  25  -11  10
 20 Goodfeather FC           12  2  3  7  12  23  -11   9
 21 Belgrave                 12  1  5  6  17  30  -13   8
 22 Leichhardt               12  2  2  8   5  18  -13   8
 23 Raven River              12  2  2  8  14  28  -14   8
 24 Crisisbless United       12  1  2  9  12  29  -17   5

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Rovers         12 10  1  1  28   9  +19  31
  2 Corvette Maulers          12  9  2  1  23   9  +14  29
  3 Brookford Otters          12  7  3  2  19   7  +12  24
  4 Morningstar               12  7  1  4  20   9  +11  22
  5 Stahlburg Rovers          12  6  3  3  21  19   +2  21
  6 Parrhesia United          12  6  2  4  24  15   +9  20
  7 Chatswood                 12  5  5  2  15  12   +3  20
  8 Hackett                   12  6  2  4  13  12   +1  20
  9 Iron City                 12  6  2  4  11  13   -2  20
 10 Stahlburg City            12  5  3  4  12   9   +3  18
 11 AFC Serpentine            12  5  3  4  16  15   +1  18
 12 Diamondqueen              12  5  2  5  18  14   +4  17
 13 Greygate                  12  5  2  5  15  16   -1  17
 14 West Brinemouth           12  4  4  4  11   9   +2  16
 15 Vermillion Wanderers      12  4  3  5  14  19   -5  15
 16 Sheridan                  12  3  4  5   7  13   -6  13
 17 Locksley                  12  3  3  6  13  18   -5  12
 18 Stonegrave                12  3  3  6   8  14   -6  12
 19 Cranequin Wanderers       12  3  2  7  11  17   -6  11
 20 Gonen's Bridge            12  2  4  6  10  17   -7  10
 21 Cranequin City            12  3  1  8   8  17   -9  10
 22 Armstrong                 12  2  3  7   9  19  -10   9
 23 Coret Rovers              12  2  3  7  16  28  -12   9
 24 Extreme Hills             12  1  3  8  12  24  -12   6

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Mantlegrove                  12  9  2  1  24   9  +15  29
  2 Peregrine                    12  8  2  2  23  14   +9  26
  3 Ritter Town                  12  7  3  2  20   6  +14  24
  4 Lazuli Diamonds              12  5  5  2  20  12   +8  20
  5 Ballardine FC                12  6  2  4  13  10   +3  20
  6 The Strongest                12  5  4  3  22  16   +6  19
  7 Crisisbless Athletic         12  5  4  3  19  17   +2  19
  8 Pillars of Southfell         12  5  4  3  11   9   +2  19
  9 Riverkey                     12  5  3  4  13  13   +0  18
 10 Crossroads Town              12  5  2  5  28  24   +4  17
 11 The Hanged Man               12  5  2  5  11  13   -2  17
 12 Ox River United              12  5  2  5  10  13   -3  17
 13 Dartmouth Terriers           12  4  4  4  12  12   +0  16
 14 Corinthians No Longer        12  4  4  4  20  21   -1  16
 15 Southriver                   12  5  1  6  14  20   -6  16
 16 Rochford                     12  4  3  5  14  11   +3  15
 17 Iron United                  12  4  3  5  17  20   -3  15
 18 AFC Shale                    12  3  5  4  10  11   -1  14
 19 Falston United               12  4  2  6  15  19   -4  14
 20 East Laithland Harriers      12  4  2  6  13  19   -6  14
 21 Brindleton                   12  2  5  5  13  22   -9  11
 22 Strephonage                  12  3  1  8   9  20  -11  10
 23 Chardonnay Rangers           12  2  2  8  14  19   -5   8
 24 Sutcroft                     12  1  1 10   7  22  -15   4[/color]

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Alliance Barossia      12  11  1  0  21   5  +16  34
  2 Barossia United        12   7  3  2  23  13  +10  24
  3 Kommissar              12   6  5  1  19  12   +7  23
  4 West Hook              12   5  6  1  16   9   +7  21
  5 Falston Town           12   6  3  3  14   7   +7  21
  6 Brunyard FC            12   6  3  3  17  13   +4  21
  7 Boltcroft Thorns       12   6  2  4  22  15   +7  20
  8 Mapleford              12   4  5  3  12  12   +0  17
  9 Downsparrow            12   5  2  5  18  20   -2  17
 10 Aries Solitaire        12   4  4  4  21  13   +8  16
 11 Long Lake              12   4  4  4  12  12   +0  16
 12 Kensey Town            12   4  3  5  17  15   +2  15
 13 South Parrhesia        12   4  3  5  17  15   +2  15
 14 Ingram Township        12   4  3  5  10  15   -5  15
 15 Martella Jazz          12   4  3  5  14  20   -6  15
 16 Gosmouth Swans         12   4  2  6  12  19   -7  14
 17 Sutcroft Athletic      12   4  1  7  15  18   -3  13
 18 Pravenna Saints        12   3  4  5  10  13   -3  13
 19 Brokenarch             12   2  6  4  12  13   -1  12
 20 Hartford Glade         12   3  3  6   9  19  -10  12
 21 Sirencall FC           12   3  2  7  16  23   -7  11
 22 Boleyn Town            12   3  2  7   6  15   -9  11
 23 Gridlock               12   3  2  7   5  15  -10  11
 24 Rushe United           12   3  0  9  21  28   -7   9

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Iberia Chenoworth       12  9  1  2  30  10  +20  28
  2 FC Seierstad            12  7  5  0  22   9  +13  26
  3 Fischer                 12  7  4  1  22  11  +11  25
  4 Fully Sick XI           12  6  5  1  24  15   +9  23
  5 Crownsend Journey       12  6  3  3  25  18   +7  21
  6 Coleman Ridge           12  5  4  3  18  14   +4  19
  7 Ringway                 12  6  1  5  13   9   +4  19
  8 AFC Hellerine           12  5  3  4  14  19   -5  18
  9 Aspen Grove             12  5  2  5  15  16   -1  17
 10 Courser                 12  4  4  4  17  15   +2  16
 11 Harrington              12  4  4  4  18  19   -1  16
 12 Fenland Albion          12  4  3  5  12  16   -4  15
 13 Sleetwell Rangers       12  4  2  6  15  20   -5  14
 14 Lockheed Zenith         12  3  3  6  18  23   -5  12
 15 Stonesthrow Town        12  3  3  6  10  16   -6  12
 16 Grovebank               12  2  5  5  18  21   -3  11
 17 Capricopia Rangers      12  2  4  6  14  22   -8  10
 18 Swag Hill Rovers        12  2  3  7   9  21  -12   9
 19 AFC Brackwold           12  2  2  8  13  23  -10   8
 20 Dross Rovers            12  1  5  6   8  18  -10   8

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Autumnstone               12  9  1  2  33  11  +22  28
  2 South Brill               12  8  3  1  24  12  +12  27
  3 Bodkin Road               12  7  3  2  24  14  +10  24
  4 Brookford Vantablack      12  7  2  3  28  17  +11  23
  5 Corvistone City           12  7  2  3  19   9  +10  23
  6 Rochford Pilgrims         12  6  4  2  19  13   +6  22
  7 Stamper Road              12  7  1  4  16  11   +5  22
  8 The Travellers FC         12  5  4  3  24  15   +9  19
  9 Coral Bay                 12  5  3  4  24  19   +5  18
 10 Twelvetrees               12  5  2  5  12   9   +3  17
 11 Rookwall                  12  5  2  5  16  15   +1  17
 12 Constance Park            12  5  2  5  10  11   -1  17
 13 Brookway Town             12  2  7  3  13  17   -4  13
 14 Rhyburn Swifts            12  3  3  6  12  27  -15  12
 15 AFC Burchess              12  3  2  7  12  17   -5  11
 16 Corby Hubris              12  2  3  7  10  25  -15   9
 17 AFC Volksgarten           12  2  2  8   5  15  -10   8
 18 Mainstream Fist           12  1  5  6  13  24  -11   8
 19 Gridlock Rovers           12  2  2  8   4  21  -17   8
 20 Blaze                     12  0  5  7   7  23  -16   5

by **Nephara** » Tue Jun 12, 2018 5:26 pm

Ah, the law of the ex. Starling are knocked off the top of the table as minor rivals Leichhardt remember at an inconvenient time that, yes, they can score goals! The Passerines perhaps do the Stargazers a favour by scoring early, forcing Leichhardt to press forward and utilise the creativity of Hatherton and Streiss. Ex-Starling striker Auttenberg, who has had to plough the loneliest furrow up front, manages a couple of tidy finishes - tapping in a cross from Woodspur before a solo effort, running through the heart of the defence, to lump in the second. Starling are arguably fortunate to snatch a point, Nova Kymeri’s deflected strike levelling the scores in injury time. Sabrefell Moths overtake them with a late goal of their own, from Serra, beating a ten-man North Sabrefell, while across town Sabrefell Athletic pump River 5-1 and Kia Anders keeps up her habit of making extremely memeable faces. It’s the bin for Matt Bowerman, one is afraid, as the 34-year old stopper has just been too slow and too flaky, and, well, when goalkeepers go… they go. Hard. On a related note, Rebecca Scannell drops Fairfax’s cross into her own net for the only goal of the game as Southfell beat Bishop. Creed United haven’t really ranked a mention so far, which is definitely a sign that they’re going better than last season, but Joel Conway shows everyone what he’s made of with a truly virtuoso performance, fast, resilient and fearless as he helps rip Goodfeather to pieces in a 3-0 win. In fact, between him, Brandtner, Keskin, Korborg and Matraxis, Creed is the place to look for young players who, well, probably won’t be at Creed in another couple of years.

Crisisbless United trade in their controversial tactic of being rubbish and try to revive last season’s great idea of being good, instead. Granted, it’s only Belgrave, but the Gargoyles still have a lot to contend with and the United defence stands firm. Lazarou opens the scoring against the run of play with an absolute screamer, but United’s talismanic young right winger levels the scores after a mazy run past four players, before a flying header from Jessica Lennox, yes, finally gets Crisisbless United’s second win of the season! Corvistone are dangerously teetering - they’re just never really in contention against a cautious Treason side, though it takes a Fraser penalty to bring them down again, and their ambitious board gives manager Davalei Evatee the dreaded vote of confidence. Starling and Crisisbless clash and stalemate in the event, a promising clash on paper boiling down to a midfield slog through which Armstrong and Jevdjevic-Hadsic manage to pick out a single moment of magic apiece. Another moment of magic is provided by rough-around-the-edges Cypher goalkeeper Ruo Xiaolan, who Vermillion playmaker Ryan Paulsson tries to chip and is countered by a scorpion kick. Cypher win the game through a rather more… orthodox goal, tall timber Hertzka heading home McCosgraigh’s free kick.

Two strong, convincing wins here, as Brinemouth don’t exactly dominate a strong Mar Sara side but manage to lock down the midfield and defence, score once through a free kick routine (Montague with the final blow) before Dre Roenoujya takes full advantage of an injury-enforced start to cut inside from leftback and score a terrifying, arcing clincher. Crisisbless do better still. Banijan outfit Herzegovina City have done brilliantly to come this far, but Crisisbless shut them down, stop them from being allowd to play… more or less act as the fun police, ratcheting up four second-half goals to seal a crushing win.

A dominant away performance from Starling puts them very much in the driving seat, with Cesar Corvalan and Sleipnir Woodwind really seizing their chances to sign. Luckless rightback Siren Moon doesn’t, contriving to score an own goal in her first senior start, but no harm done, and Amos was quick to emphasise an otherwise solid performance post-match.

A lot to unpack! The Chequers continue to dip their feet into being good at football, and absolutely murder North Sabrefell 4-1 in a match where it all just aligns. Stokes and Banerman are rock-solid in the core of defence, Theophile stops being a liability and Lennox puts the finishing touch on a brace and sets up Novkovic for the fourth, so all in all good times are rolling. A Laithland derby between North and South ends, um, conclusively. South try gamely, hit hard and even strike up the opener, Havranek hitting the post from distance and Carrick tapping home the rebound, but on the whole North Laithland are utterly dominant, Webster and Han asking questions for which the Southrons have no answers, Deborah Stokes as clinical as ever. Leichhardt, meanwhile, answer Andrea Vardalos’ job insecurity-inspired pleas for a ‘real performance’, and promptly shank Treason 3-0. It’s a bit of a smash and grab, but Cheney Bittencourt, a striker in his day, admits defeat in good graces; “It’s all about taking your chances. They took theirs, and our lot didn’t.” Keep an eye on Southfell, meanwhile, and the outstanding form of Loris Aldous and Ivan Hemeyer. Goals from Marlowe and Cordean - another in great form, at last - ensure their fourth victory, and fourth clean sheet, in a row against Coret.

Yes, mismatches! The spice of life! Of these, slumping fourth-tier Rushe United fans are left with the most to mourn. Gonen’s Bridge host them, manager Memento North looking for a “morale-boosting win”. Well, the Warriors do a fair bit better than that - David Sol scores four in an 8-1 rout, marred only by the aggressive, ferocious Ivan Collinger breaking the leg of Rushe’s goalscorer and best player, midfielder Francisca Cornwell. Well, that’s her out for the season, and him off for the night, but Bridge score twice more with ten men anyway. Lazuli and Serpentine also pump lower opposition 5-0. The main upset is that in-form Corvette, who, okay, aren’t making the Cup a priority… says Daniella Strauss, despite taking a fairly strong side to bear against Crossroads a tier below and are blown out 5-2. There’s a nice Vermillion derby as well, though not really a derby - northern outskirts side Parrhesia United visiting southern outskirts side... South Parrhesia. During the 2-1 defeat, United fans try and strike up a rapport with their southern cousins by trying to start up a chant of ‘stand up if you hate the Rage’, which… South Parrhesia don’t, since they’ve never been good enough to be in the same league. Oh, well, they tried.

Easy enough win for the Passerines, Erik Mevlya getting a rare opportunity to lead the line. The muscular local is very much the third striker, a gaping chasm behind Andisori and Corvalan, but does get a nice cushioned header for the opener tonight, teenager Fernand Way striking the clincher from outside the box.

Lyn Hartmann scoffs at Cypher’s seamless, clean and disciplined approach after they lose an early lead, Vesuvia Carrick with a sharply-taken brace as ample reward for some fast, muscular play. “Their tidy classical is all well and good, but they were never going to stand a chance against our proper heavy metal!” Dubious. Perhaps it would’ve worked better as a jibe against Belgrave as they come off second best in a chalk vs. cheese matchup at the bottom, nobody finding the right pass to cut Leichhardt open and Raihane Stern making nine saves, largely routine ones against shots outside the box, before Zuzana Streiss shimmers past three defenders and nutmegs Connell for style for Leichhardt’s winner. Evatee’s Crows respond to the vote of confidence with a confident, assertive performance. North Sabrefell are a good side, but they’ve been slowing down a little lately. Metaphorically. Literally speaking they’re quite slow enough already, and Morham’s early grass-cutter puts the Crows in a well-deserved lead. The Bohemians pull one back, Cranshaw heading home a corner, but after some intense late pressure the Crows finally win a penalty through Afolayan rather… easily going to ground, captain Nechtan Malley leading by example to stroke home a deserved winner from the spot. “Was that the performance of a team trying to get their manager sacked?” Davalei Evatee said postmatch. “No! No it wasn’t!” Alright, lad, calm down.

Brinemouth can be delighted with a dominant showing against Mar Sara, an oddly frictionless high-class match in which Conjure and Montague make the difference, just that little bit more class in the centre to make chances that Scotti, Dragana and the substitute Saitou convert mercilessly. Guillermo Madruga provides an early setback for Crisisbless in a much-improved Herzegovina performance, with a tidy near-post conversion of an Aaron Aiza cross, but the Heelers get a grip on the game, Jevdjevic-Hadsic hits a post and then slides in the young substitute Johanna Sutton to coolly slot home a late but deserved equaliser.

Brinemouth vs. Treason is the big, obvious crunch match, but the away fans are dismayed to see the Stags set up defensively in a 4-5-1… and even more dismayed that it makes sense, and works. Misidjan does brilliant work a little deeper than she’s used to and John Fletcher forces an excellent save from Morales with one of his few chances, and for the most part Brinemouth are just unable to break Treason down; it ends scoreless. Andreu Bartolnicci continues to impress at the head of Newrook City, and a classic disciplined defensive performance and clinical finishing showcase up front - Maladict Farrell finding the back of the net with a flying header as he squeezes between Starling’s central defenders - ensures a 1-0 defeat of the Passerines. And another upwardly mobile club boasting an upwardly mobile young manager is Southfell, who continue their strong form with a 1-1 draw against the Moths. Felipa Medina, still only 37, seems to have turned a corner. Which is handy; she always was an investment, and much of the press had wondered if she only had the post due to her youth. Now, she’s walking the walk, not just talking the talk, and teenage midfielder Marica Kuepper comes off the bench to fire home a late, deserved equaliser.

Kia Anders was up against it before this match, getting the dreaded vote of confidence after a late-minute deflected strike from Porter saw them beaten at home by Vermillion. And now she had to visit the Moths? No problem, apparently. Her side are unrecognisable to how callow they’d been beforehand, Kendrick and the 20-year old selection gambles of Carin Black and Chuy Villaverde unusually impervious at the back, Althea Taliadoros getting the job done between the posts and that strong midfield three of Leonard, Naumoff and Kesteren simply overpowers the two Moths they have to face. Leonard sets up Donath for the first goal before Donath sets up Breisgau for the second, both after some dominant passing moves, before Sur Arora reshuffles things into a matching diamond on the hour mark. The more central role appears to suit an aging Meier, and it’s her thunderous strike that pulls one back for the Moths… but by the end of the game, the Moths haven’t actually had a shot on target from inside the box. Inge Wildsmith comes off the bench and rifles in their third to kill off the game. Meanwhile, in a season which seems to be defined by the strong teams cancelling each other out in drab affairs, Starling host Athletic and it ends scoreless, Aurelian Gautier’s nose exploding in a shower of blood as Loredan inadvertently headbutts it in pursuit of a free kick being the only real event of the game.

Oof, ugly. Break out the NSFW tags, because Brinemouth utterly stomp Lammerton 5-0. It’s not even like Lammerton are bad! They’re really quite good! But they don’t look it, as they have absolutely no answer to the Dockers’ dynamism and ruthlessness. “It was just one of those days,” said an exasperated Lammerton winger Raquel Naeher after the fact. Things aren’t much better for Nepharim countrywoman Catherine Sedgwick who yet again can only watch on in dismay as her Storm are routed 5-1 on home soil. Their goal is actually the best of the match, a slick pass from del Aragona enabling Lycomedes Montanari to steal out in front of a flat-footed Molovi before chipping the ball over a stranded Marciak, but it’s little consolation in the circumstances.

Now here’s a matchday where it all kicks off! Mostly it kicks off in Newrook, as they host the Stags. On paper, they are fairly evenly matched. That is not how things unfolded. Before those events, though, other things are worth focus; Crisisbless United overturn a half-time deficit with two classy goals from Lennox, one header and one flicked backheel, to steal the points from Southfell. Starling are simply overrun by the Chariots in a match where they decide to rest Liam Armstrong and lose Visser to injury. That… turns out to cost them, as their high line is too slow to cover its retreat and Hargrave can’t sweep effectively behind them and, frankly, they don’t defend very well in general, and lose 5-2 as Riske and Sierra star. Crisisbless, meanwhile, give North Laithland a sharp reality check with a breezy 3-0 win. But back to the main event; when the Stags’ first goal flies in off Fraser’s half-volley, Bartolnicci looks unimpressed. When Neptune finds an unmarked Fletcher with a cross and he nods home, Bartolnicci looks incensed. When Treason gets a third, Neptune striking out on her own this time on the verge of half-time, Cheney Bittencourt flashes a raffish grin and a thumbs-up and Bartolnicci throws his gilet at Bittencourt’s head, which leads to a scuffle. After the fourth, from Accardi, he kicks an energy drink bottle hard and high enough to hit the fourth official in the back of the head. Bartolnicci does not see the Stags’ fifth. Bartolnicci was sent down the tunnel.

And now all the big boys enter the room. Tough luck for the remaining two Conference sides - Ringway of the West are pulped 7-0 at home by Crossroads Town, Eastern Rhyburn Swifts go down a more respectable 5-1 at home to Coret Rovers, and South Brill… well… get to host Brookford Otters. Sleepy Brill. Nearby Brookford. Mild-mannered Hadrian Belfast in charge. Orchestrating an 11-0 win. “Foreigners sometimes talk about ‘not running up the score,’” says Belfast after the Incident, during which out-of-favour forward Dejan Lindbeck does his chances of more regular minute no harm with five goals. “I’d argue that to give them anything less than our best would’ve been disrespectful - even downright insulting.” A couple of Premiership teams come close to being scalped - Creed rely on a late two-goal turnaround masterminded by Joel Conway’s injection off the bench to overturn lowly Gosmouth, while Pillars of Southfell go toe-to-toe with a second-string Treason side who only beat them 3-2 as well. Athletic, mystifyingly, are locked in a nine-goal thriller with defensive-minded third-tier Shale, one they manage to just about edge through a late penalty from Hawke. Alastair Swepstone is their goalkeeper of the day. He is abysmal. It’s an opportunity for some of the league’s weaker sides to have some welcome moments - Crisisbless United manage to get a clean sheet! A comfortable 3-0 rout of West Brinemouth will make them feel a little better. Leichhardt look like a prime candidate for scalping, visiting Douglas Tibet’s Stahlburg City, but play with a freedom they’ve rarely exhibited during the league season and run out 2-0 winners. There’s only one Premiership scalp in the end, during the key fixture - a Chenoworth derby! Perhaps the sting’s gone out of it for the Harriers, but fuelled by some spicy rhetoric by Catheline Harper, the Rovers go out absolutely wanting to murder their opposition. They’re first to every ball, harder in every tackle and while Bonifacio Sanna scores the opener, Nega Bazin’s neat cushioned header levels the scores over the 90 minutes. Harriers winger Charybdis Kou comes off the bench with fire in his eyes, a genuine local, and winds up missing from four yards to sour an otherwise strong performance. This just gets worse when Rowell’s brilliant cross sets up substitute Tormod Joiner to head home the winner at the far post to clinch a 2-1 win. Goodfeather, North and South Laithland, Vermillion Rage and Raven River are beaten by fellow Premiership opposition.

Ten clean sheets are kept across the league in a mostly fairly placid matchday. One is kept by Vance Commerford in a typically rough East Sabrefell derby between Chariots and Athletic. There’s talk of the Chariots, now with far greater scope than a single suburb, seeking a rebrand - possibly just to the bland but more marketable Eastern Chariots. Athletic would not be happy with them claiming that for themselves. But if it’s to be decided on the pitch, the Chariots will be getting their rebrand, getting their first goal soon after Tarran Seamster really endears himself to the home crowd by scything through Ojala (who winds up limping off) and passing to Sierra to centre for Escrow to score, before Teamster sets up Ruskin for the clincher. North Sabrefell fall asleep at the wheel and get beaten down 3-0 by the Harriers. Picture Steven Rexmont’s boot stamping on stand-in rightback Meg Owley’s face, forever. Leichhardt aren’t even doing the usual things right anymore, as the burly Aurora Jewel bulldozes her way through the penalty area to nod home a couple of long balls. “It wasn’t the ideal way we wanted to penetrate their lines,” admits Ezra Stonewaters, a beggar who can’t be a chooser, “but, well, Jewel does give us that Plan B.” She’s a giant metahuman wrecking ball, you mean.

Two 1-0 reverses in dead rubbers - not to cheapen good wins for Tihon and Eastweald against credibly strong Nepharim sides, but a few players had been rested. Both Premiership outfits cruise through in first place, with Lammerton and Eastweald coming second.

  Group A                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   UQt  Dir  PSb  NLl
1 Union Queenstown          NGD    6    4   1   1    13    8   +5    13*   —   1–1  0–2  3–1
2 Directus                  EUR    6    4   1   1    16    5  +11    13*  1–2   —   5–1  2–1
3 Port Sebastian            SCT    6    2   0   4     9   16   −7     6   1–3  0–3   —   3–2
4 North Laithland           NPH    6    1   0   5     9   18   −9     3   2–4  0–4  3–2   — 
* Union Queenstown ahead of Directus on head-to-head points

  Group H                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Pkm  Mya  SwD  Stl
1 Pikemouth                 BRE    6    4   2   0    11    5   +6    14    —   1–1  2–1  4–3
2 Myana                     CMT    6    3   1   2    10    5   +5    10   0–2   —   3–0  2–0
3 Sokojiwa Dosi CK          COM    6    2   1   3     9   11   −2     7   0–2  2–1   —   3–3
4 Starling                  NPH    6    0   2   4     6   15   −9     2   0–0  0–3  0–3   —

  Group I                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   MtA  NLC  CHk  SfM
1 Metropolis Alligators     VLD    6    5   0   1    13    2  +11    15    —   1–2  1–0  5–0
2 New Llama Capitals        SLL    6    4   0   2     8    6   +2    12   0–1   —   2–1  2–0
3 CSKA Haska                ASM    6    2   1   3     8    7   +1     7   0–1  2–0   —   3–1
4 Sabrefell Moths           NPH    6    0   1   5     4   18  −14     1   0–4  1–2  2–2   —

  Group L                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   WhT  Roz  SfA  Olj
1 Whitehaven Triumph        CEN    6    5   0   1    12    4   +8    15    —   1–0  4–2  2–0
2 Rozelle                   BRE    6    3   0   3     9    8   +1     9*  2–1   —   1–2  2–0
3 Sabrefell Athletic        NPH    6    3   0   3    10   12   −2     9*  0–3  1–2   —   3–1
4 Oljestaden IF             AUD    6    1   0   5     5   12   −7     3   0–1  3–2  1–2   — 
* Rozelle ahead of Sabrefell Athletic on goal difference

Truly, truly awful. Four sides enter, none leave. Starling and the Moths don’t even win a game between them.

Starling dominate the ball, but a fantastic sidefooted kick from Bulls stopper Arias into the midfield lets Sampaio win the header over Aschenbach, Navas seizing on the rebound to thread Alexis Marquez through, who slotted it neatly beyond Sean Smordal. Starling had to wait until the 85th minute to finally get the passes on target, a seventeen-pass move culminating in a tap-in for Elsa Kaelin and a deserved leveller. Still, a less than convincing result...

“Form is meaningless,” Kia Anders wails as her River side, with three wins on the spin, are ripped asunder 6-1 on home soil by a vibrant, thrilling Corvistone side. The Crows are, and always have, been terminally inconsistent, rarely able to grit through and win while playing badly, but when they’re playing well? This shit happens. There’s even time for Bryce Leicester, one of the first Corvistone academy-reared player who looks utterly out of depth at this level, to lump in his first senior goal in the rebound to Black’s scuffed clearance. The Chariots chalk up their third straight win, each against strong opposition, as they clean out Treason in yet another match where Seamster and Riske fly up and down the pitch causing havoc, the underrated Laura Belfry cleaning up behind them and, in this particular match, the vintage item of a Kadija Na’Duha goal. A corner bobbles and spins away and the Vloo centre-half just decides to belt it hard in the approximate direction of the goal. A generous deflection later (generously not given as an own goal) and it swerves past a sprawling Gideon Fletcher for the opener. Coret Hawks are similarly impressive in taking down the Moths 2-0, but the performance doesn’t hint at a brighter future so much as make one wonder why they can’t do it more often. Skapetis’ goal is pretty damn good, at least, picking up the ball on the right and wreaking havoc in a diagonal run down to the left before nudging the ball between an onrushing Griffin’s legs with the outside of the boot, Weaver almost but not quite managing to scoop the ball away off the line and instead getting stuck in the net.

Seriously? Brinemouth vs. Spartangrad as a first round match? Jesus wept, and so did the bean-counters. The match is a disappointment at the end of the day, ending scoreless.

Even away, Starling dominate the ball; yet again, the Bulls score first, Navas with a clever dinked finish over a stranded Smordal. But this time, when Starling really get that comeback going in the second half, they look like they’ll finish the job. Andisori finally gets the breakthrough after the excellent Arias can only parry Kaelin’s shot as far as her, and then the Chromatik sets up Liam Armstrong for a drilled clincher in extra time to take the Passerines through.

North Sabrefell are slumping. Granted, a 2-0 defeat at home to Starling isn’t worrying in isolation, but they’ve lost their last three matches 8-0 on aggregate. “People are asking if we’re complacent,” Gareth Blackthorn begins, promisingly. “We’re not.” Oh. Still, Erika Wolff’s radar seems off after a thrilling early flurry, Alexis Stinnett’s been invisible, the central defence’s fragility is being painfully highlighted and the honeymoon, all in all, seems over. At least they got a honeymoon - Crisisbless United’s flakiness costs them yet again. 2-0 up at home against Creed, two bookings for midfield lynchpin Na’Ryibi in six minutes, Brandtner has a field day, lose 3-2. Goodfeather have the result of the matchday by a distance, though, as the inconsistent Ulrica Rannon forces Brinemouth’s defence open, rampaging with two goals and an assist - where’s that form coming from? Brinemouth pull one back in the 71st and get it back to the halfway mark gamely, but, well, it’s not happening. Credit for the best post-match reaction, though, goes to Cypher manager Rivka Keaton. Just beaten 3-0 on home soil by the Harriers, basically without a shot in anger all game? Just shrug and tell the press; “Shit happens.” Legend.

An instant classic, had it happened on a bigger stage or a deeper round. Brinemouth hit first away from home, Dragana spinning away from two markers and stabbing past Woodgate at a seemingly impossible, but then Spartangrad took the front foot, each Palmisano brother getting on the scoresheet just before half-time. In the second half, the Dockers came out the better team… but were hit on the break, Wceil slammed to the turf by Magnozzi for a penalty he stepped up to convert himself. The Dockers charged back, took the game to Spartangrad, but Butler and Blake ahead of Woodgate simply would not buckle. They’d get one back, a brilliantly-flighted direct free kick from Alyss Montague, but no more. Spartangrad progress.

It could’ve been a moment to curse and sputter - instead it becomes proof of resilience. Crisisbless are leading River 1-0 with eighty minutes played. It’s a dull affair. But suddenly, Villaverde comes tearing down the right, Kesteren finds him with a crossfield ball, he nips into the box and is brought down carelessly by Amelia Warner. Michi Leonard stabs home the penalty, and River keep pressing, Kesteren hitting the post and Breisgau leaping desperately in front of Molovi to head home the rebound. It could be a calamity… but Crisisbless stay calm, do what they do and make a gap for themselves, Ruhl’s hold-up play giving space for Coppinger to run in behind, Ruhl passing to Jevdjevic-Hadsic to find Coppinger who scuffed home the late leveller to keep Crisisbless top. Not flaky, but resilient. Starling are behind only on goal difference after a 1-0 win over North Laithland that’s rather routine, Brinemouth lagging behind after a 4-4 draw against Southfell that’s anything but. Newrook beat Cypher to fill out the top four, as the Harriers draw with Goodfeather. Filling out the Globe Cup places are the major Sabrefell teams, who play out a tantalising 2-2 derby with a red card either side. Treason and the Chariots both win, just on the outside looking in, with Southfell rounding out the top ten.

Things are settling down the bottom, with Cypher Town in 15th eleven points clear of the drop, probably going to be safe. Behind them; Corvistone are outplayed by Creed United, Conway and Korborg unstoppable against their flaky defence, while North Sabrefell are hammered 4-1 by the Chariots in their sixth straight defeat. River and Bishop pick up good draws, with Bishop snatching a late and thoroughly deserved winner over an uninspiring Leichhardt side from Faiza Huyton’s clever sidefooted volley. The Chequers leapfrog the Stargazers into the relegation playoff place with a tidy 1-0 win over the inconsistent Hawks, while Leichhardt can’t score for beans and neither South Laithland nor Belgrave is very good, all beaten to create the current bottom three. Belgrave are already five points clear even of the playoff place.

Brookford Otters get… somewhat a taste of their own medicine, having put down South Brill 11-0 away. They’re promptly dropped 4-0 at home by a Coret side that have clearly figured they’re not doing anything in the league, so may as well give the Cup a full tilt. Mostly, though, this is the round the giants fall. Sur Arora has absolutely not been able to solve the Moths’ recent flaky streak, and has struggled to manage all the competitions (don’t mention the Globe Cup) - a 1-0 defeat to Leichhardt with a second-string side doesn’t help. But at least they aren’t Sabrefell Athletic. Try though they might, they slip to third-tier Crossroads Town, sitting on their 2-0 lead in the 70th minute and getting sucker-punched by Conrad Webber’s brace, before ultimately falling on penalties. At home. Starling’s Cup defence falls as well, though somewhat more respectably, it’s an away defeat at Brinemouth. Treason almost fall as well, a resilient, assured performance from a Cranequin Wanderers side that struggles for fluency in the second tier but looks right at home in the Gauntlet, but Roddy Fraser comes off the bench and looks relieved when he curls a strike beyond Olivia Selkie in the 117th minute. Creed beat Corvistone, while Cypher Town’s Cup tilt comes to an end when they fail to score a single penalty against Crisisbless United.

by **Nephara** » Tue Jun 12, 2018 5:27 pm

Matchday 13: Extreme Hills, managed by an increasingly beleagured Bryony Johansen, pick up a vital three points in some style. A change in formation pays dividends, with Desdemona Schuster much more comfortable in the hole of a 4-3-1-2, chalking up three assists in a 4-1 away win over Gonen's Bridge. Lowly Coret pick up an impressive win of their own, beating Greygate 3-1 in a match where Wardens midfielder Matthew Rawson picks up the headlines for an off-the-ball headbutt on Bosko Roman. "I just didn't like the cunt," Rawson says, by way of explanation. Morningstar vs. Stahlburg City is exactly the scoreless grindfest one would imagine, but at least a bench-clearing brawl in injury time livens up proceedings.

Matchday 14: Is this the time where Stahlburg really click for the first time under Douglas Tibet? They rout Corvette, Isabella Shi showing her power and ruthlessness with a couple of strikes where she simply bulldozed defenders, before a couple of goals off set pieces rounds out a crushing 4-1 win. It might do for Benjamin Nyao to work on defending set pieces, for that matter - his Saints have no business drawing 2-2 with Sheridan, but it's what happens after some lamentably slack marking. Yet again, Gonen's get to be the step up for a struggling side, this time Armstrong taking them out 2-1 with out-of-favour Rho Efthimiou coming off the bench to score the winner.

Matchday 15: The Saints have been sputtering in fits and starts this season. Finally, they explode... in the right direction, that is. Maybe it's more accurate to say that Stonegrave explode. The Diggers have been really impressive this season, Calcifer Anderson generally heroic between the posts, but today they look thoroughly, well, Second Division as Parrhesia annihilate them 6-1. Like so many other teams this season, Stonegrave have no answer to Abigail Teris.

Matchday 16: Greygate manage a solid, impressive 2-0 win over Parrhesia, and early signs seem fairly good for a Greygate side that's made a habit of looking very strong after promotion and then going down anyway. This side, by comparison, doesn't look too sharp but, under the seasoned eye of Augustine Houghton, is getting all the basics right. Stonegrave, too, are denying early predictions of doom - they recover admirably from the Parrhesia defeat to edge Diamondqueen 1-0, the charmingly arrogant Whiteside winning and then slotting home a penalty.

Matchday 17: Are Corvette slipping? They've had one point from their last three games... but they put those fears to rest by crushing Cranequin City 4-1. "This isn't just a lucky streak," boasts Daniella Strauss post-match. "We're at the top and we're not going away." Christos Tsiavis helps dig Morningstar out of a hole in a comeback 3-3 draw against a flaky Parrhesia, Armstrong are binned 5-1 by Brookford while Cranequin Wanderers calmly and assertively pass a frustrated, tired Stahlburg City to death.

Matchday 18: Nepharim don't make a habit of pouring out of the exits early. Your club, right or wrong. Well, an understandable exception is made as Parrhesia are turned over 5-1 on home soil by Corvette Maulers, Norval's Midas touch in front of goal, Voleimann's actualisation, even the underrated defensive work of young Coleman and goalkeeper Lin all just clicking together in, it bears reminding, Daniella Strauss' first season of management. This is not that strong a team! Most of the Saints would, on paper, walk into the Maulers' side! But, somehow, middling high-1Div/low-Premiership fullback Eloise Davison utterly shuts down Teris, probably the best player in the division, all game.

Matchday 19: Five defeats in a row spell the end for Brun Kissinger at Armstrong, after conceding a cruel late sucker-punch to ten-man Vermillion Wanderers' Alexis Farrier. Promising new manager Warner Dranz is quickly choppered in from The Hanged Man. Stahlburg City have been improving a lot of late after their slow start and Isabella Shi takes the reins to overturn Hills with a dominant hat-trick. But it's matched by Fiona Norval, who has simply been on fire for the Maulers (and probably making River regret selling her), notching three in the last half-hour to help the Maulers to a 4-2 win over Diamondqueen.

Matchday 20: Dranz has a difficult opening brief at Armstrong, having to visit Stahlburg City right off the bat and succumbing to an understandable 2-0 defeat. There's just... so much wrong at Armstrong. He switches to a 4-4-2, hoping that Busch and Efthimiou will combine to be more than the sum of their dismal parts, while Fowler looks terribly past it and Boatman never really reached 'it'. There seem to be a lot of 4-1 wins this season - the Otters slam West Brinemouth away and Morningstar smash Stahlburg Rovers by that scoreline, leading to calls for Raskine's head. For all his talk of the project, where are the Rovers going?

Matchday 21: 2-2 away against Cranequin Wanderers isn't a strictly bad result, but Parrhesia are now winless in six, their promotion push floundering, and there's calls for Nyao's head. Elsewhere, it's a good time for turnarounds. Stahlburg Rovers still score just the one, but impressively keep a clean sheet against an out-of-sorts Corvette, while miracles of miracles Efthimiou, Busch and Own Goal lead Armstrong to a 3-0 hammering of Coret Rovers.

Matchday 22: Another convincing win for Armstrong, this one 2-0 over West Brinemouth. "I don't want to denigrate my predecessor's work," says Dranz, about to do so anyway, "but you can sometimes see defensive-minded teams really retreat too far into their own shells. I want people to fear us again." Nobody ever really feared Armstrong before, but you can't knock him for confidence. Bryony Johansen can only watch as her Extreme Hills side are wiped out 4-1 (that score again!) by Cranequin City, not exactly an attacking powerhouse, and she's given the axe too. The Hounds pick up Malta Falconer, fired last season from Coret Rovers but no stranger to relegation dogfights (which this very much now is), to replace her.

Matchday 23: A top of the table clash! Chenoworth Rovers, currently at the crest, manage to drag Corvette down into a proper slug on home territory. Unfortunately for them, the only goal of the game comes off a set piece anyway, Voleimann's corner nodded home by Fallon for Corvette's winner, putting them at the top. Stahlburg City win to round out the top three, Morningstar's unsurprisingly bitty 2-2 draw with Chatswood putting them in fourth. Parrhesia beat Extreme Hills 2-0 as Falconer watches from the stands, but they're still just in tenth. Armstrong get a point and Bridge win, but remain in the bottom four with Sheridan and Hills. It's still very close, though.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              23  14  5   4  38  17  +21  47
  2 Starling                 23  14  5   4  40  21  +19  47
  3 Brinemouth               23  13  6   4  57  34  +23  45
  4 Newrook City             23  14  2   7  36  22  +14  44
  5 Chenoworth Harriers      23  13  5   5  33  20  +13  44
  6 Sabrefell Moths          23  13  4   6  42  32  +10  43
  7 Sabrefell Athletic       23  12  5   6  40  31   +9  41
  8 AFC Treason              23  12  3   8  29  22   +7  39
  9 Violence Chariots        23  11  5   7  46  36  +10  38
 10 Southfell United         23  10  6   7  47  30  +17  36
 11 Vermillion Rage          23  10  4   9  29  27   +2  34
 12 North Laithland          23   9  6   8  36  34   +2  33
 13 Creed United             23  10  3  10  32  32   +0  33
 14 Coret Hawks              23   8  7   8  25  25   +0  31
 15 Cypher Town              23   8  6   9  22  29   -7  30
 16 AFC Corvistone           23   8  3  12  35  42   -7  27
 17 North Sabrefell          23   8  2  13  31  44  -13  26
 18 Raven River              23   6  6  11  35  52  -17  24
 19 Bishop                   23   5  7  11  24  33   -9  22
 20 Goodfeather FC           23   5  6  12  25  38  -13  21
 21 Crisisbless United       23   5  4  14  28  45  -17  19
 22 Leichhardt               23   4  5  14  14  33  -19  17
 23 South Laithland          23   4  4  15  23  45  -22  16
 24 Belgrave                 23   3  5  15  29  52  -23  14

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corvette Maulers          23  16  3   4  47  24  +23  51
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         23  15  4   4  43  19  +24  49
  3 Stahlburg City            23  14  4   5  33  14  +19  46
  4 Morningstar               23  13  4   6  39  20  +19  43
  5 Brookford Otters          23  11  6   6  39  24  +15  39
  6 Chatswood                 23  10  8   5  24  20   +4  38
  7 Diamondqueen              23  11  4   8  35  25  +10  37
  8 Stahlburg Rovers          23  10  7   6  34  31   +3  37
  9 Hackett                   23  10  6   7  24  21   +3  36
 10 Parrhesia United          23   9  7   7  44  34  +10  34
 11 Cranequin Wanderers       23   9  6   8  27  24   +3  33
 12 AFC Serpentine            23   9  5   9  27  29   -2  32
 13 Vermillion Wanderers      23   9  5   9  29  32   -3  32
 14 Iron City                 23   8  6   9  21  26   -5  30
 15 Locksley                  23   8  5  10  26  33   -7  29
 16 Greygate                  23   8  4  11  25  33   -8  28
 17 West Brinemouth           23   6  7  10  20  25   -5  25
 18 Stonegrave                23   6  6  11  17  30  -13  24
 19 Cranequin City            23   6  5  12  20  31  -11  23
 20 Coret Rovers              23   5  6  12  34  49  -15  21
 21 Gonen's Bridge            23   4  8  11  20  34  -14  20
 22 Armstrong                 23   5  4  14  22  39  -17  19
 23 Sheridan                  23   3  9  11  13  29  -16  18
 24 Extreme Hills             23   3  7  13  27  44  -17  16

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Mantlegrove                  23  16   3   4  44  23  +21  51
  2 Ritter Town                  23  13   6   4  44  13  +31  45
  3 The Strongest                23  11   7   5  42  27  +15  40
  4 Rochford                     23  12   4   7  28  16  +12  40
  5 Peregrine                    23  11   6   6  37  28   +9  39
  6 Ballardine FC                23  10   7   6  26  21   +5  37
  7 Pillars of Southfell         23   9   9   5  24  17   +7  36
  8 Southriver                   23  11   3   9  32  34   -2  36
  9 The Hanged Man               23   8   8   7  20  20   +0  32
 10 Iron United                  23   8   7   8  29  30   -1  31
 11 East Laithland Harriers      23   8   7   8  27  33   -6  31
 12 Lazuli Diamonds              23   8   6   9  34  32   +2  30
 13 Crisisbless Athletic         23   7   9   7  32  31   +1  30
 14 AFC Shale                    23   7   9   7  19  20   -1  30
 15 Dartmouth Terriers           23   7   8   8  24  27   -3  29
 16 Crossroads Town              23   8   4  11  42  42   +0  28
 17 Riverkey                     23   7   7   9  20  25   -5  28
 18 Ox River United              23   8   4  11  21  33  -12  28
 19 Corinthians No Longer        23   5  12   6  27  30   -3  27
 20 Chardonnay Rangers           23   7   4  12  33  30   +3  25
 21 Falston United               23   7   3  13  26  42  -16  24
 22 Strephonage                  23   6   4  13  16  33  -17  22
 23 Brindleton                   23   4   9  10  21  37  -16  21
 24 Sutcroft                     23   2   6  15  16  40  -24  12

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Alliance Barossia      23  18  3   2  37  10  +27  57
  2 Kommissar              23  14  6   3  40  21  +19  48
  3 Barossia United        23  13  6   4  39  19  +20  45
  4 West Hook              23  12  6   5  29  18  +11  42
  5 Downsparrow            23  11  6   6  40  31   +9  39
  6 Brunyard FC            23  11  6   6  32  29   +3  39
  7 Boltcroft Thorns       23  11  3   9  36  26  +10  36
  8 Gosmouth Swans         23  10  4   9  28  29   -1  34
  9 Hartford Glade         23  10  4   9  22  28   -6  34
 10 Kensey Town            23   8  8   7  37  30   +7  32
 11 South Parrhesia        23   9  5   9  32  33   -1  32
 12 Falston Town           23   8  6   9  35  31   +4  30
 13 Brokenarch             23   7  9   7  29  28   +1  30
 14 Martella Jazz          23   8  6   9  27  35   -8  30
 15 Aries Solitaire        23   7  8   8  40  30  +10  29
 16 Mapleford              23   7  8   8  22  30   -8  29
 17 Ingram Township        23   7  7   9  19  30  -11  28
 18 Long Lake              23   7  6  10  26  28   -2  27
 19 Sutcroft Athletic      23   8  1  14  29  39  -10  25
 20 Pravenna Saints        23   5  9   9  17  22   -5  24
 21 Sirencall FC           23   6  4  13  27  39  -12  22
 22 Boleyn Town            23   6  3  14  13  32  -19  21
 23 Gridlock               23   4  5  14  13  32  -19  17
 24 Rushe United           23   3  3  17  30  49  -19  12

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Fully Sick XI           23  14  7   2  42  23  +19  49
  2 FC Seierstad            23  13  9   1  49  23  +26  48
  3 Fischer                 23  13  8   2  38  22  +16  47
  4 Iberia Chenoworth       23  13  3   7  48  28  +20  42
  5 Ringway                 23  13  2   8  30  23   +7  41
  6 Grovebank               23   9  8   6  39  29  +10  35
  7 Crownsend Journey       23   9  7   7  40  31   +9  34
  8 Courser                 23   9  7   7  35  27   +8  34
  9 Stonesthrow Town        23   9  5   9  26  26   +0  32
 10 Lockheed Zenith         23   9  5   9  30  31   -1  32
 11 Harrington              23   8  7   8  30  33   -3  31
 12 AFC Hellerine           23   7  6  10  24  32   -8  27
 13 Fenland Albion          23   7  5  11  23  30   -7  26
 14 Coleman Ridge           23   6  7  10  24  35  -11  25
 15 Dross Rovers            23   5  8  10  19  28   -9  23
 16 AFC Brackwold           23   5  7  11  23  33  -10  22
 17 Aspen Grove             23   6  4  13  25  38  -13  22
 18 Sleetwell Rangers       23   5  7  11  25  43  -18  22
 19 Capricopia Rangers      23   4  6  13  26  41  -15  18
 20 Swag Hill Rovers        23   4  6  13  19  39  -20  18

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Autumnstone               23  16  2   5  56  25  +31  50
  2 South Brill               23  14  7   2  40  22  +18  49
  3 Rochford Pilgrims         23  14  5   4  38  26  +12  47
  4 Bodkin Road               23  13  6   4  42  24  +18  45
  5 Stamper Road              23  13  3   7  36  24  +12  42
  6 Brookford Vantablack      23  12  3   8  50  38  +12  39
  7 The Travellers FC         23   9  8   6  43  37   +6  35
  8 Coral Bay                 23   9  5   9  43  41   +2  32
  9 Constance Park            23   8  7   8  19  20   -1  31
 10 Brookway Town             23   7  8   8  27  27   +0  29
 11 Corvistone City           23   7  7   9  28  27   +1  28
 12 Rookwall                  23   8  4  11  35  35   +0  28
 13 AFC Burchess              23   7  5  11  27  33   -6  26
 14 AFC Volksgarten           23   7  5  11  18  28  -10  26
 15 Rhyburn Swifts            23   7  5  11  29  42  -13  26
 16 Twelvetrees               23   6  7  10  17  22   -5  25
 17 Blaze                     23   5  7  11  29  43  -14  22
 18 Gridlock Rovers           23   4  6  13  14  37  -23  18
 19 Mainstream Fist           23   3  8  12  24  42  -18  17
 20 Corby Hubris              23   3  8  12  23  45  -22  17

by **Nephara** » Sun Jun 17, 2018 3:51 am

Right. Talking points in almost every game! A few weak teams get some strong, capital-R Results here, a scrappy South Laithland forcing a win against the Moths albeit in controversial fashion, Bentzen clattering Griffin as he claimed a long diagonal ball and Vesuvia Carrick smashing home the loose ball for a late 2-1 winner. It has to be said that Reinhard Meixner was exceptional between the posts for the Southrons, too. Leichhardt get the win they get best, too, beating Creed 1-0, Michael Koller heading home Hatherton’s free kick. Another struggling side getting a win is, uh, Goodfeather beating Newrook… 6-0? Yet again, Andreu Bartolnicci is gone, this time before half-time with the scores at 2-0, reacting to a supposed goal from Farrell being pulled back for a narrow offside by putting his immaculate loafer through the nearest camera. At least he has company, though; Temperance Nkembe and Ifrit Coynborough both follow him down the tunnel by the end of the match. And maybe he’d feel better looking at other defences across the league; North Laithland and the Chariots ripped chunks out of each other in a ten-goal thriller, but a late red card from deputy defensive midfielder Packie Milner opened the floodgates in the last 13 minutes. The Chariots’ 4-3 lead evaporated into a 6-4 defeat, Webster scoring a direct free kick (off the foul Milner was sent off for), Han cutting inside and guiding a bullet into the corner to take the lead and Erinys Hart coming off the bench to hit them off the break for the finale. But the worst of all - with the biggest consequences - comes as Crisisbless United are treated to a punishing 7-1 defeat on home soil. Andrea Betancourt watches impassively as Vermilion shred them on the counter, again and again and again and again and again, Breremond and Porter ripping open the inexperienced Bruun and Law on the flanks, and the manager who took them up is given the axe not long afterwards. Konrad Evans is snapped up to take her place, but the mood is grim.

You know, all credit to Newrook, they recover nicely. Without Coynborough or Nkembe, additionally dropping Hedlund, Foster and even the captain Woods, and with Bartolnicci glowering from the stands, they produce a vastly improved performance. Granted, stand-in centre-half Glenn Baumann does score a spectacular diving header past his own goalkeeper seven minutes in, but Couturiaux (a little further forward than usual) orchestrates goals for Bothroyd and Ironhewer, before the maligned but recently improved Lorne Winter’s grass-cutter makes it 3-1 against a strong Southfell side. Vermillion just keep doing the same thing as they did last time, though, this time shredding a hapless Corvistone side 4-1. Vermillion haven’t exactly shone this season - their defence has not really stood up - but the pace of their wingers and the ruthlessness of Carlos Conte, who scores one and sets up substitute Nizarut for the final goal today, is not to be underestimated. Bishop rely on their methods under Conan Estelline, Ierardi a giant in defence and Risdon solid between the posts, as Brinemouth bring down the thunder. But the Dockers haven’t always been decisive this season, and too often lose their nerve under pressure. Huyton and Mersiades fall over in the box in the second half to give Penbrooke two penalties, both clinically dispatched, to hand Bishop a remarkable 2-0 win. That’s the same scoreline that the Stags beat their rivals, the Spiders, by, in a match where they’re simply better and harder all over the park.

Crisisbless United improved markedly against the Moths in Konrad Evans’ first game, and go into a match against South Laithland anticipating a rare win. Things are looking up early on; Na’Ryibi’s cleaning house in the centre, Lukas Antelmi - making his first start back from injury - gets an early goal by simply powering a shot past the normally reliable Meixner at his near post, and then Lennox and Novkovic ratchet up the scores, Richard Kester’s chip over a stranded Sparwasser a minor fly in the ointment in the middle of that. But then Sparwasser fumbles Alweather’s cross straight into Bentzen to make it 3-2 on the hour mark, and then United press hard, Na’Ryibi picks up a booking that reduces his impact and then the talented but inexperienced Bruun’s slack pass is cut out by the flying Carrick, then slotted in past a despairing Sparwasser. A lot of work for Evans to do. But save all the plaudits for North Sabrefell - they play with the kind of muscular, swaggering arrogance that is, honestly, fairly reminiscent of the Cormorants right now. And what a result! Erika Wolff leads the line with absolute confidence, even if she’s not the most polished finisher, and thumps home two strikes sandwiching a knocked-down assist for Kranevitter. Roxel belts one in from outside the box, through a sea of legs, before countrywoman Esther Abner finishes a 5-0 rout. Stinnett doesn’t directly chalk up a goal or assist, but is pivotal in the build-up, while the defence is rough as anything and Sparr makes six strong saves. Their opponents? Sabrefell Athletic.

With all respect to Newport Sirens, not really one of the first names a side thinks of when it comes to the legitimate powers of Port Christopher, you’d have to say a convincing 4-1 win for Starling makes it job done here.

South Laithland have pace, power, graft and ruthlessness, all qualities notably lacking from a Corvistone side for whom a 2-1 defeat is flattering. A sixth straight defeat for the Crows spells the end for Davalei Evatee, the likable Cenian managing to give the Crows their great leap forward but unable to make the most of the investment on offer. Former Nephara international Jess Carragher steps up from her assistant post to take interim charge. Goodfeather, meanwhile, come on the receiving end of a 5-0 thumping from a Treason side that’s really starting to click under Cheney Bittencourt, flowing moves down the wings with the iron of Misidjan and Tarashaj in the middle, and just as Roddy Fraser’s starting to lose a little dynamism (he’s rested for 21-year old talent Aristide Metzger, who scores a neat header), John Fletcher is really starting to get to grips with the Premiership standard. Vermillion and Crisisbless lock horns in a masterclass of ruthlessness. Six flawless shots on target, neither Clement nor Marciak able to get more than a sprawling fingertip to any of them, in a match that ends a deserved 3-3.

Just three First Division teams left coming into the Fifth Round, just one particularly strong one. Coret Rovers face Leichhardt in an entertaining game (one containing the Stargazers! Fancy that!), the Premiership side clearly not giving too much of a fuck and playing a mostly second-string side. But the giant goalkeeper Kozak is imperious between the posts, evidently not having gotten the memo the day before his 35th birthday, and young midfielder Reiziger takes Hartley’s pass, turns Roman inside-out, surges forward and threads the winner home in the 71st minute. Gonen’s also try gamely, but Treason are just… better, winning 3-1, leaving Chatswood to keep the flag flying with a determined, gritty 2-0 win over the Hawks. Surprisingly, one of the two surviving third-tier sides makes it through as well. Newrook prove a step too far for Mantlegrove, but Crossroads Town turn the tables on North Sabrefell when their teenage midfielder Annika Netzach rifles home within two minutes. North Sabrefell are forced out of their shell, do manage to hit back with a composed penalty won and converted by Erika Wolff, but a neatly angled header from veteran striker Conrad Webber bundles the Bohemians out. As far as other Premiership teams are concerned, Belgrave lack the cutting edge and are bundled out by Creed, Crisisbless United are unsurprisingly steamrolled 3-1 by Brinemouth and Bishop stun a Southfell side genuinely giving their all 3-0 by just taking their chances in a way that Miranda Gail, on an awful day in front of goal, cannot.

Sisu Cassidy makes things interesting just seven minutes in with an exquisite dipping volley beyond a diving, despairing Smordal, hard enough to bounce right into the arms of the Vloo forward Na’Bengna following in, and he pumps his fist and raises the crowd… and that’s about as good as it gets for the Sirens. A strong result on the day, but the margin was too far.

It’s probably a bit cruel and premature to say that, with Evatee gone, the limiter has been removed from AFC Corvistone. But when the Crows effortlessly hammer Crisisbless United 4-0 with a clinical, classy performance, it’s tempting. Krista Morham continues to be the driving heart of the team, while Seth Veloz - reinstated between the posts - comes out confidently to claim everything that comes his way, as the defender Ilyana Brosch has another impressive performance… and, well, the Chequers are just awful, really. Conan Estelline is as unspoken as ever, decrying his doubters after a disciplined performance sees Bishop overturn Starling 3-1. The Passerines actually score first, Andisori masterfully spinning past Rosenbauer before bashing a shot into the top corner, but Bishop hold the faith, hold the line, level through a beautifully arcing Mersiades free kick before hitting twice on the counter, through Jensen and Feisser. “Ingrid’s [Feisser] really come along this season because nobody but me has known how to get the best out of her at this level,” Estelline boasted. “You all thought she just didn’t have the muscle or the guts for it. All she needed this whole time... was trust.” Alright, Captain Planet, calm down.

And Corvistone… crash immediately back down to earth, perhaps even through the earth into the core to die in fire. Sabrefell Athletic are better in every conceivable metric, the Crows’ heads drop after the first somewhat fluky goal (did Ens use a hand to control Webber’s cross? Probably) and they just get annihilated 5-0. The same scoreline as Newrook demolish Coret by, and there’s a certain haunted look in Jessica Loque’s eyes that suggests all she really wants to do is depart this midtable hell. Such a crap Corvistone having cracked their streak by destroying Crisisbless United, of course, bodes even worse for the Chequers, who celebrate by losing 1-0 at home to Leichhardt. Chenoworth Harriers have been settling into a pattern of solidity this season but that disintegrates as Alexis Spurlock’s Rage conjure up yet another clinical battering. Nike Rouphos is a good young leftback! Pretty promising! He’s crushed by Cheney Breremond, who disposes of him time and again with all the ruthlessness of a bully shoving a fat kid into a hedge. 4-0 is the final score. Meanwhile, Sur Arora will be hoping this match is the defining moment of his early tenure, the Moths having struggled for consistency… but today, they all click, perfectly, in a thrilling 4-1 win over a stuttering Brinemouth. Imriel Townsend particularly impresses, blazing constantly down the right. It hasn’t been a vintage season for the Sabrefell giants, self-styled with some justification as Nephara’s biggest club, but… it’s easy to see how a handful of transfers in the right positions could put them back as favourites. Romano and Vol are starting to really click up front, Shone is having a wonderful season (though still, from time to time, occasionally raw - it’s Shone that loses her mark, Chalk, in the lead-up to Brinemouth’s goal) and flying stopper Griffin is probably the best goalkeeper in the league, maybe even world. It’s just having an aging, creaking Weiss and Weaver ahead of him that sometimes leaves him exposed.

It’s felt like this season there hasn’t been much focus at the top, largely because the top has been marked at times by awful inconsistency. With the Crisisbless derby coming up, Konrad Evans decides he needs to get the basics right, uncharacteristically plays more defensively against the Heelers - a slaughter would really turn the fans against him, after all - and a double pivot of Na’Ryibi (then Salz, on the hour) and Kitzbichler manages to just kick Crisisbless’ creative elements into submission, and the impressive Kitzbichler is even player of the match in just her sixth start all season. It winds up a scoreless draw. Corvistone continue to have the consistency of an overcooked asparagus spear, just sort of deciding last week never happened and steamrolling a bilious Leichhardt 3-0 away. Spare a thought for Hawks manager Jessica Loque. Overnight, she got to see all the papers run with a well-sourced story that her club was trying to sniff out Daniella Strauss, currently leading the Corvette Maulers to unexpected victory. Strauss decides to stay put. Loque clearly feels she needs to prove herself, drops many more experienced players who won’t provide leadership or valour - Draxler, Achaion, Valkanis and Ulster all axed - what results is a gutsy, brave performance away against Starling, marked by high pressing and lethal finishing from 29-year old markswoman Dani Harper, who many people had written off as a pace merchant with flagging pace, leading into a 4-1 stunner.

Treason chalk up a fifth win on the trot as it starts to feel like they’re really finding their feet under Cheney Bittencourt. Sure, Creed score first through former Stags man Mordecai Brandtner, and it’s 2-2 at half-time, but it always feels as though Treason would find their way in the end. Just like the best Nepharim sides, especially Treason sides, always do. But there’s the sniff of something different about Crisisbless too, this season, as they effortlessly break the Crows and it feels like a mercy to let them get away with just a 2-0 defeat, Airik Ruhl and Marisha Staunton coming up with the goods, Maeve Bronte reinforcing her shout as player of the season with yet another complete performance in the centre of the park. River, meanwhile, have improved on their calamitous early form. This is thanks in no small part to the trust Anders has placed in the aggressive, fearless Farf rightback Chuy Villaverde, who marks his 21st birthday with the winning assist in a 2-1 win over North Sabrefell. Breisgau finding his finishing boots has helped immensely, as well - after a slow start, the former Crisisbless and Callodown striker is starting to lead the line like a genuine warhorse.

What is with Corvistone this season? For that matter, what’s with Brinemouth? By all rights the Dockers should mop the floor with the Crows, with an expectant home crowd baying for blood. For whatever reason, it doesn’t happen. Instead, the Dockers stutter, with all control of the ball in midfield until suddenly a slack pass from, of all people, Mr. Reliable himself, Stig Soederquist, is snatched up by Morham, played through for Pangallo who, after a clever one-two with Afolayan lashes the ball past Morales for the opener, off both posts and in. Former Brinemouth winger Jess Silkman doubled the Crows’ lead on the stroke of half-time with a neat far-post finish and despite a Helland red card and a Scotti goal Brinemouth aren’t able to pull back. Belgrave have been in poor form of late, but can at least welcome back captain Quin Markranstadt, their starting leftback, injured for a while now. Perhaps he was rushed back before he was ready - Joel Conway rips him to pieces over the first 57 minutes, and already has a goal and an assist to his name before Markranstadt twists wrong and is forced to limp off again. It’s another setback, as Cassandra Posipal - promising! Not ready yet for regular starts - is pushed back into the firing line as Creed romp to a 4-1 win. Starling host the Moths for a highly-anticipated clash that turns into a keeper duel - indeed, it’s perhaps the moment where Sean Smordal really stakes a name for himself as Starling’s number 1, charging out time and again as Meier, Shone and Townsend try and exploit the space behind Starling’s high line, but Smordal’s always there first. Starling do get the first goal, and it’s a beauty - Padilla trusting Andisori with her back to goal, the Chromatik swivelling past a flat-footed Weaver, hurdling the big Nepharim’s desperate swipe, sashaying past a wrong-footed Gayle (it’s a bad time for Weiss to be suspended) and just carefully placing the ball into the bottom corner. But finally, the Moths’... well, the same tactic, really. It does pay dividends in the end, as Meier drops the ball over the top, the pace of Sigrid Eisenhauer comes rushing in and just nudges the ball beyond Smordal before being utterly cleaned out. She stumbles, almost goes to ground but with Visser running in to clear she just manages to right herself with her hands before sidefooting the ball into the empty net. It saves Smordal a red card, sure - but in the circumstances, the Moths were happy for an equaliser, and local lass Eisenhauer became the toast of the town.

Brinemouth come out swinging in Valladares, but are matched by a tenacious, crafty Nacional whose youth and energy see them constantly swarming the Dockers’ more seasoned veterans, especially on a day where the Brinemouth midfield is marshalled by 37-year old captain Jonathan Bosetti. Mario Ovalle scores the only goal of the game, a fairly straightforward one, Revault setting him up in space and he just tees it up for himself and slides it home across Morales. Crisisbless do markedly better. They play with the passion and swaggering confidence of a home team when visiting Baskita, none moreso than Airik Ruhl who gets a brace and a caution. As Baskita surge upfield to try and at least get one back, Kosa Bajnok manages a clearance of titanic proportions to get the ball all the way to Brigitte Coppinger on the counterattack, who slaloms past her wrong-footed man, rushes beyond the goalkeeper and taps home the third unanswered away goal that likely kills the tie.

Oh dear. Bryger Tidesson, subject to an eyewatering 65-million bid from Brinemouth (with all suggestions being that it’ll be repeated between seasons) and he shows exactly why. It didn’t seem as though Akarenaa’s threaded pass was to anyone… until suddenly Tidesson threw himself forward, slid and skidded forward and slammed the ball past Smordal. Starling try and get back into the game, but they lack the finishing touch. Jeremy Benedict has no such concerns, breaking past the Starling line late on and slotting calmly past Smordal.

It’s a good day to be from Crisisbless. Well, okay, with one of the sides that actually has the city name in the club name; Goodfeather and Bishop both lose. But Crisisbless, faced with a tough visit against Sabrefell Athletic, know the task they face. “What I admire about the red bastards,” Aidan Brosque says genially pre-game, “is when they get a chance, Ens and Hawke and Bereveskos, they snap it right up. I can respect that.” So their job, evidently, is to make sure there is no chance that falls to either of them - and there almost, almost isn’t. But in the 68th minute, Crisisbless up 1-0 through Staunton’s dinked strike, Ojala cuts a cross across the face of goal and Estrella Hawke crooks a leg to get to it and… scuffs it over the bar, from five yards! A sliding doors moment; Bronte sets up the substitute Barbarouses to ratchet home the clincher. Across town, Konrad Evans tries out his double pivot again, and Olga Kitzbichler - she of perhaps the most ‘Nepharim stereotyped thuggish villain in dated foreign crime thriller’ name in the league - impresses yet again alongside Na’Ryibi. Was Hippolyta Theophile’s hamstring injury a blessing in disguise? Probably. In the interim, Kitzbichler lamps in an early goal for United, and while that man, Alan Bothroyd, stabs home a leveller on the stroke of half-time for Newrook, it’s the Chequers who come out far stronger. Lennox, Schoenauer and Rivers finish the job in the second half for a resounding 4-1 win. Belgrave are the other big winners of the day, cruising to a 3-1 win over Coret. Amazing what happens when you defend well and take your chances.

Nacional finish the job. Brinemouth don’t help themselves - it’s been a difficult year for Marcin Close, and there’s really no reason for him to clatter Velez for a penalty the captain steps up to convert himself - but they do pull two goals back. Still, by that point, they need another - and get hit twice more on the break trying to get it. Nacional go through, deservedly, leaving Crisisbless alone to bear the Nepharim flag following a professional 1-0 win over Baskita, Bronte yet again positively janitorial in the centre of the park, Tia Drenas with a clinical finish.

A brilliant start from Starling! Keira Andisori plays provider, pushed and jockeyed away from a threatening position before spinning abruptly in place, turning past Vanzanto and centring for Woodwind to strike home. Two minutes in! But that’s as good as it gets; Tidesson equalises, Padilla has a shot cleared off the line by captain Chisenhall and Real Azuris, in the end, go through to the final.

The floundering, inconsistent Dockers host the Heelers, who are currently top of the table. “We need a result here,” says Lujendra Mescalin, a manager whose Brinemouth career certainly does. It’s a match defined by key moments. should Brymora have been sent off for an appalling challenge on Staunton? He wasn’t, six minutes into the game - Staunton was stretchered off, likely out for the rest of the season and, for that matter, the World Cup. Should Marciak have claimed the corner that Conjure swung in? He didn’t; Brymora headed home. And could anyone but Alyss Montague have found the top corner from as acute a free kick? Well, it was irrelevant; it curled in, sealing a 2-0 win for the Dockers. It’s not enough to knock them off the top, or indeed put the Dockers anywhere near them, but a resilient performance from Treason and a well-taken goal from Tarashaj sees them beat the Moths to take second, two points behind. Starling batter Crisisbless United 3-0, leaving them third (and three behind), the Moths a point and a place further behind and Athletic, who surprisingly lose to Southfell, a point and a place behind them in turn. Brinemouth and Newrook (stunned by Corvistone at home) round out the Globe Cup places, whereas victories for the Harriers, Rage and Chariots ensure they’re within striking distance of the top seven, though their hopes are beginning to fade.

At the bottom, things are really narrowing down to just the bottom six. And that might be generous - Bishop, after a 1-1 draw against Cypher, have kept up the point-per-match pace and look well-drilled and disciplined under Conan Estelline, nine points above danger. Goodfeather, thanks to a resilient defensive showing and opportunistic strikes from Leitner and Sharpe, take home a 2-0 win over River to pull five points clear, as the bottom four - three separated only on goal difference on 25 points, Belgrave on 23 - all lose convincingly. South Laithland, kept easily at bay by the Chariots, and Belgrave, carved open at will by Vermillion, simply don’t have the quality, while Leichhardt have simply run out of momentum. Crisisbless United, though, have been a massive disappointment thus far, and are showing only sporadic improvements under Konrad Evans.

Matchday 24: Things are getting untenable in Parrhesia. Benjamin Nyao faces calls from the stands to quit or, ideally, leave the country forever after the Saints, faced with a visiting Armstrong team in the relegation zone, are... humiliated. "They just didn't look like they gave a single fuck, to be honest with you," said Jasmine Furrier, player of the match in a 4-1 thrashing. Stahlburg City stumble at the top, a string of impressive saves from Cranequin City goalkeeper Stefan Ledo denying them before Kirsten Gemmill flicks home a tidy finish against the run of play at the other end.

Matchday 25: Nyao's still at the club as the Saints visit Stahlburg, and in a vastly improved performance do enough for a point - one of seven draws. The pace looks to be picking up at the bottom of the table; Armstrong pick up a decent if slightly fortunate point against Diamondqueen (Busch was offside for the leveller, but it stood) to extend their undefeated streak, Coret Rovers pick up their second straight win over ten-man Cranequin City and an assured performance from Wynona Short and a first goal in years for veteran rightback Elisa Defaye snares a draw for Gonen's Bridge away at Chatswood.

Matchday 26: On an otherwise cagey matchday, Serpentine vs. Brookford is easily the one to watch. Dragons winger Stijnen opens the scoring with a cross (well, he denies it, but...) that sneaks over Giannou, but the Otters hit back, Cecchini, Mithradates and Shrewsbury seemingly giving them a strong lead on the hour mark. But then Mithradates misses from six yards, before Chilton has a penalty saved by Marietta Briggs... and then, on the break, the ball is moved quickly to Langbauer who rushes through an exposed Brookford defence and chips Giannou to pull one back. Serpentine press hard, Giannou makes an outstanding double save from Zalan and Nanemoru hits a post... but the Otters hold on, the only team to score three goals this round. Corvette surprisingly drop points at home against Sheridan, but for all their resilience, Sherries are in a position where they really need to be taking three points at a time, not just one.

Matchday 27: Nine teams secure clean sheets on a fairly dreary matchday. A mature, confident showing from Cranequin Wanderers shows how Jens Reiniger has really learned from his prior season as a manager, and his side looks far more composed, organised and disciplined than the chaos of last season. They pass their way around Chatswood, a screamer from Vahid Kudelka cracking the Woodsmen's armour before a tap-in for veteran Renzo Padrione seals the deal. Chatswood are enduring another season of struggle, but who to blame? Leigh Fletcher talks sourly about net spend post-match, and she might have a point. "We're doing our best, and our best is maybe not up to the standards that this club is accustomed to. But what more can I do?"

Matchday 28: A big day at the bottom of the table as a number of sides secure impressive wins; Coret Rovers continue their good form and comfortably beat Iron City 2-0, Bridge stomp Stonegrave 3-0 and the Hounds, surprisingly, stun the overly-physical Rovers 3-2 with a last-minute winner from Maribel Garrido, just returned from injury. Sheridan probably should get one too, but have a stonewall penalty not given in a scoreless draw with Locksley - in the aftermath of the non-call, Perspective Merson doesn't live up to her namesake and complains about a biig-club conspiracy. Honey. It's fucking Locksley. The Stahlburg derby is all brawn and no brain, two goals from corners levelling the scores.

Matchday 29: Another good win for Gonen's Bridge, Steward picking out Sol for a last-minute winner against Greygate, but their excellent goalkeeper Fyona Matthews wins few friends post-match admitting it was "really exhausting trying to cover for all our lost possession. Honestly, every game they get like, twelve shots on target. It's a rough workout, and some days you just hope Premiership teams are watching." Probably fewer of them now. Another humiliation for Parrhesia, not so much in the scoreline - 1-1 away against Vermillion Wanderers - but in their local semi-rivals chanting their desires to have Benjamin Nyao stay. The Chromatik manager winces. This really has been a baptism of fire for him.

Matchday 30: Malta Falconer's Hounds savage an unsuspecting Hackett 4-1, Desdemona Schuster managing to roll back the years to truly dominate in her favoured attacking midfield role, as the cunning forward Coretta Rooke has been in electrifying form since Falconer showed up with almost a goal a game. The midfield diamond really suits Hills, mostly since their wingers are terrible. Coret Rovers smash Serpentine 3-0 through a Sylvia Janik hat-trick - should they go down, the classy Gloriax forward is likely to field plenty of offers at this level. Chatswood are now winless in eight, having had six draws in that time, and as a result have seen their promotion hopes skid down the drain. They should probably have beaten Armstrong, but were uncharacteristically profligate while Rho Efthimiou, equally uncharacteristically, wasn't.

Matchday 31: Sheridan's looking increasingly despondent these days, increasingly ramshackle, increasingly outdated. Increasingly Second Division. They do try and play more assertively against the Hounds, brutalising them at every chance of course but also testing Tournay sharply between the posts. But ultimately, the pace of the Hounds pays off - two slick counterattacking moves are both finished by Coretta Rooke, and while Mullen gets a late consolation, it's only that. Morningstar utterly gub Locksley 4-0 in a match that not only establishes that Locksley are quite bad but also exhibits just how slick a unit Stars are now under Helena Fleischer's iron discipline. They're hard at the back, they're hard-working all around the pitch, they're clinical up front and have, in Christos Tsiavis, a player finally living up to his potential.

Matchday 32: Chatswood managed to snap their winless streak against the Smiths last time around, so perhaps that explains their complacency this time, resting on their single laurel before Rodger Covington snatches on a defensive mix-up in the box to gift Coret Rovers a valuable away winner. Bess Gannon's team have surged out of trouble in recent weeks, their foreign strikers worth their weight in gold. Hopeful signs in Armstrong after an appallingly gritty affair against Sheridan is settled; Yeoman saves a penalty on the stroke of half-time, Milan Fenwick lamps home his first of the season on the hour mark before 36-year old centre-half Sauro Costabile heads home a corner in injury time amidst complaints he'd elbowed one Sheridan player with each elbow.

Matchday 33: Everyone knows how Corvette will play - they will push and shunt and fight to try and get that win, using their pace and creativity to force a breakthrough. Stopping it is a task of its own. Stopping it while retaining the solid, possession-based philosophy you've built... that's remarkable. Jens Reiniger trusts in his players to survive the Maulers' harrying, admittedly relying on Selkie to make a couple of sharp one-on-one saves before Helena Loxton's driving run is rewarded by a powerful finish into the corner. Corvette are shaken at the top - the Wanderers are starting to be in with a faint shout of promotion. Stonegrave finally win again, beating Armstrong, while Hills and Bridge also take unlikely wins at the bottom.

Matchday 34: It's not the most convincing win, but Fiona Norval's strike seals a 1-0 win for Corvette against Brookford that extends their lead at the top of the table to four points, as Chenoworth are cancelled out by Parrhesia, Morningstar are stunned 2-0 by Extreme Hills and Diamondqueen are well beaten by Serpentine. Both major Stahlburg sides and Cranequin Wanderers, meanwhile, all win... but their promotion hopes are still slim. Of those sleepwalking into danger, Cranequin City haven't scored in three games while Locksley, after a 5-0 hammering at home to Vermillion Wanderers, have lost their last four games 14-1 on aggregate. West Brinemouth and the Hounds clamber closer to safety with brave 2-0 wins. Bridge, Stonegrave and Sheridan all lose, with Armstrong arguably fortunate to take a point at home against Greygate - still, they look the likeliest of the bottom four to escape, even if Dranz's honeymoon has run off somewhat. But they're still five points from safety, Stonegrave six and Sheridan a surely-insurmountable thirteen.

PREMIERSHPI

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              34  20  8   6  57  27  +30  68
  2 AFC Treason              34  20  6   8  51  28  +23  66
  3 Starling                 34  19  8   7  54  32  +22  65
  4 Sabrefell Moths          34  19  7   8  61  42  +19  64
  5 Sabrefell Athletic       34  19  6   9  62  47  +15  63
  6 Brinemouth               34  17 10   7  75  50  +25  61
  7 Newrook City             34  19  4  11  53  39  +14  61
  8 Chenoworth Harriers      34  16  8  10  48  41   +7  56
  9 Vermillion Rage          34  15  9  10  54  36  +18  54
 10 Violence Chariots        34  15  7  12  59  52   +7  52
 11 Southfell United         34  14  9  11  60  44  +16  51
 12 North Laithland          34  14  8  12  58  54   +4  50
 13 Coret Hawks              34  12 10  12  41  46   -5  46
 14 Cypher Town              34  12 10  12  34  39   -5  46
 15 Creed United             34  13  6  15  46  47   -1  45
 16 North Sabrefell          34  13  4  17  48  56   -8  43
 17 AFC Corvistone           34  13  3  18  54  63   -9  42
 18 Raven River              34  11  7  16  46  67  -21  40
 19 Bishop                   34   8 10  16  36  47  -11  34
 20 Goodfeather FC           34   7  9  18  38  55  -17  30
 21 South Laithland          34   6  7  21  35  63  -28  25
 22 Crisisbless United       34   6  7  21  43  74  -31  25
 23 Leichhardt               34   6  7  21  17  48  -31  25
 24 Belgrave                 34   5  8  21  40  73  -33  23

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corvette Maulers          34  22   6   6  63  33  +30  72
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         34  21   5   8  57  28  +29  68
  3 Morningstar               34  20   6   8  52  24  +28  66
  4 Diamondqueen              34  20   5   9  59  33  +26  65
  5 Stahlburg City            34  17   8   9  44  24  +20  59
  6 Cranequin Wanderers       34  16   9   9  43  31  +12  57
  7 Stahlburg Rovers          34  16   9   9  47  41   +6  57
  8 Brookford Otters          34  13  11  10  51  38  +13  50
  9 Chatswood                 34  12  14   8  34  31   +3  50
 10 AFC Serpentine            34  13   9  12  42  44   -2  48
 11 Parrhesia United          34  11  13  10  55  49   +6  46
 12 Vermillion Wanderers      34  12   9  13  42  43   -1  45
 13 Hackett                   34  12   9  13  33  38   -5  45
 14 Coret Rovers              34  12   7  15  51  59   -8  43
 15 Iron City                 34  11   9  14  28  38  -10  42
 16 Greygate                  34  12   6  16  36  47  -11  42
 17 West Brinemouth           34  10   7  17  30  39   -9  37
 18 Locksley                  34   9  10  15  33  53  -20  37
 19 Extreme Hills             34   9   9  16  46  58  -12  36
 20 Cranequin City            34  10   6  18  28  43  -15  36
 21 Gonen's Bridge            34   8  11  15  32  44  -12  35
 22 Armstrong                 34   8   7  19  34  51  -17  31
 23 Stonegrave                34   7   9  18  26  52  -26  30
 24 Sheridan                  34   3  14  17  15  40  -25  23

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ritter Town                  34  20   7   7  61  26  +35  67
  2 Mantlegrove                  34  20   6   8  55  36  +19  66
  3 The Strongest                34  16  10   8  60  45  +15  58
  4 Peregrine                    34  16   8  10  57  44  +13  56
  5 Crisisbless Athletic         34  14  13   7  53  36  +17  55
  6 Pillars of Southfell         34  14  13   7  34  22  +12  55
  7 Chardonnay Rangers           34  16   5  13  57  41  +16  53
  8 Rochford                     34  14  10  10  40  29  +11  52
  9 Crossroads Town              34  15   6  13  63  52  +11  51
 10 Ballardine FC                34  14   8  12  39  44   -5  50
 11 The Hanged Man               34  11  15   8  30  27   +3  48
 12 Lazuli Diamonds              34  12  11  11  52  43   +9  47
 13 Ox River United              34  13   8  13  34  41   -7  47
 14 East Laithland Harriers      34  12   9  13  41  46   -5  45
 15 AFC Shale                    34   9  16   9  30  31   -1  43
 16 Corinthians No Longer        34   9  15  10  42  44   -2  42
 17 Riverkey                     34   9  14  11  27  33   -6  41
 18 Southriver                   34  12   5  17  43  56  -13  41
 19 Dartmouth Terriers           34   8  13  13  33  44  -11  37
 20 Iron United                  34  10   7  17  34  48  -14  37
 21 Brindleton                   34   7  13  14  35  52  -17  34
 22 Falston United               34   9   7  18  36  59  -23  34
 23 Strephonage                  34   8   8  18  25  46  -21  32
 24 Sutcroft                     34   2   9  23  24  60  -36  15

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Alliance Barossia      34  24   5   5  54  15  +39  77
  2 Kommissar              34  18  11   5  59  37  +22  65
  3 Barossia United        34  18   9   7  57  31  +26  63
  4 West Hook              34  18   8   8  49  32  +17  62
  5 Boltcroft Thorns       34  17   7  10  55  32  +23  58
  6 Martella Jazz          34  16   7  11  51  50   +1  55
  7 Brunyard FC            34  15   9  10  50  45   +5  54
  8 Aries Solitaire        34  13  12   9  57  41  +16  51
  9 Downsparrow            34  14   9  11  57  53   +4  51
 10 Kensey Town            34  12  12  10  58  48  +10  48
 11 Falston Town           34  13   7  14  52  49   +3  46
 12 Sutcroft Athletic      34  14   4  16  41  47   -6  46
 13 Brokenarch             34  11  12  11  44  49   -5  45
 14 South Parrhesia        34  11  11  12  45  50   -5  44
 15 Hartford Glade         34  12   7  15  31  49  -18  43
 16 Long Lake              34  10  11  13  37  40   -3  41
 17 Gosmouth Swans         34  11   7  16  38  48  -10  40
 18 Mapleford              34   9  13  12  34  44  -10  40
 19 Ingram Township        34   9  12  13  33  47  -14  39
 20 Sirencall FC           34  10   6  18  47  57  -10  36
 21 Boleyn Town            34   9   5  20  19  43  -24  32
 22 Pravenna Saints        34   6  11  17  24  41  -17  29
 23 Rushe United           34   8   4  22  50  70  -20  28
 24 Gridlock               34   5  11  18  19  43  -24  26

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Fully Sick XI           34  21   9   4  65  31  +34  72
  2 Fischer                 34  19  11   4  55  30  +25  68
  3 FC Seierstad            34  18  11   5  62  38  +24  65
  4 Iberia Chenoworth       34  18   5  11  69  45  +24  59
  5 Lockheed Zenith         34  16   7  11  48  40   +8  55
  6 Ringway                 34  16   5  13  42  42   +0  53
  7 Grovebank               34  14  10  10  52  41  +11  52
  8 Crownsend Journey       34  13  12   9  57  43  +14  51
  9 Harrington              34  14   7  13  47  49   -2  49
 10 Stonesthrow Town        34  14   6  14  37  40   -3  48
 11 Courser                 34  11   9  14  46  44   +2  42
 12 Dross Rovers            34  10   9  15  33  38   -5  39
 13 Fenland Albion          34  10   9  15  32  41   -9  39
 14 AFC Hellerine           34   9  12  13  33  46  -13  39
 15 Sleetwell Rangers       34  10   9  15  40  55  -15  39
 16 Capricopia Rangers      34   9   9  16  47  55   -8  36
 17 Coleman Ridge           34   8   9  17  37  57  -20  33
 18 AFC Brackwold           34   7  10  17  31  48  -17  31
 19 Swag Hill Rovers        34   7  10  17  28  54  -26  31
 20 Aspen Grove             34   7   9  18  37  61  -24  30

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bodkin Road               34  23   7   4  62  25  +37  76
  2 Rochford Pilgrims         34  23   7   4  66  33  +33  76
  3 Autumnstone               34  23   4   7  75  34  +41  73
  4 South Brill               34  21   8   5  57  28  +29  71
  5 Brookford Vantablack      34  16   8  10  65  47  +18  56
  6 The Travellers FC         34  13  12   9  59  51   +8  51
  7 Stamper Road              34  14   6  14  44  43   +1  48
  8 Corvistone City           34  11  12  11  44  37   +7  45
  9 Rookwall                  34  13   6  15  52  50   +2  45
 10 Constance Park            34  11  11  12  28  31   -3  44
 11 AFC Burchess              34  12   7  15  37  39   -2  43
 12 Coral Bay                 34  12   7  15  57  66   -9  43
 13 Brookway Town             34  10  11  13  41  43   -2  41
 14 Rhyburn Swifts            34  11   8  15  48  58  -10  41
 15 Twelvetrees               34  11   7  16  26  35   -9  40
 16 AFC Volksgarten           34  11   7  16  30  44  -14  40
 17 Blaze                     34   6  10  18  41  65  -24  28
 18 Corby Hubris              34   6  10  18  35  66  -31  28
 19 Mainstream Fist           34   5  12  17  31  60  -29  27
 20 Gridlock Rovers           34   4   8  22  20  63  -43  20

by **Nephara** » Fri Jun 22, 2018 3:44 pm

Luck of the draw plays out in such a way that a lower-league side is guaranteed to make the semifinals - on the balance of it, that’s likely to be Chatswood. Leigh Fletcher’s hard-running Woodsmen simply outbattle Crossroads, first to every ball, and while Baltasar Gensch fumbles a cross into his own net it’s made up for in the second half with goals from Caulker and Vestal. Creed United outpunch Newrook City in a match where both sides are going full tilt for silverware, but the Oathmen show the greater courage and resolve on the night. Conway wins and then misses a penalty, but he doesn’t lose a beat as he urges his teammates forward, laying on assists for Korborg and Vettriano before Ifrit Coynborough pulls a deserved goal back. Treason are toothless against Leichhardt, as Andrea Vardalos notes that the Stags “just didn’t seem to consider the possibility we’d show up.” Bittencourt fires back; “Well, they never do show up!” Brinemouth can probably be waved through by this point, with thunderous pace, power and cunning to punch through Bishop for a 5-1 win.

The relegation dogfight, various incidents in the middle… all those are engaging, sure. But it’s the business end of the season now, and eyes are starting to turn towards the top. Or, as it might be, towards the teams who are conspicuously not at the top, as Brinemouth visit Athletic, two teams slated to seriously challenge for the title, rather show why they… haven’t been. Athletic line up in a 4-2-3-1 formation from which Coltrane is too withdrawn to really impact on the attack, and Tanith Rainsford is, sadly, starting to reach the end. Xixi Ens does use his space to swing beyond two midfielders and score against the run of play after a blistering run, but it’s deservedly levelled after Dragana cuts inside, cuts back outside and then shoots across a flat-footed Gautier. Crisisbless are very nearly undone by a determined, dogged Harriers side, but as ever, they find a way - even without Airik Ruhl, suspended for ten yellow cards - as Tia Drenas finds a finish from an impossible angle to salvage a point from a decidedly mediocre performance. As the Moths run aground to Belgrave, somehow, and Starling labour to a 2-1 win over Corvistone with a contentious if justly awarded first goal (goalline technology shows Andisori’s strike narrowly crossed the line as it bounced off the underside of the crossbar, but the naked eye wasn’t so sure), Cheney Bittencourt can only laugh after his Stags cruise to a 3-0 win over South Laithland. “Sometimes you have to wonder if the other teams… you know, if they really want to win the league.” They pull level on points with Crisisbless, and were it not for their slow start, how far would they have gone? At the bottom of the table, Goodfeather FC have a chance to host Bishop across town - a demoralised Bishop, just hammered in the Cup - and not only prove a point but pull away from the bottom four. They fail. Conclusively. Catastrophically. Milligan, Driver and a Boarspear own goal seal an easy 3-0 win for a partially-rested Bishop side. As Goodfeather shape up for their only shot on goal of the match, which Jewel fires straight at Risdon, Conan Estelline yawns. Twelve points clear of danger, you’d have to say the Cardinals are probably safe.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 69, 30
2. Treason - 69, 26
3. Starling - 68, 23
4. Moths - 65, 19
5. Newrook - 64, 17
6. Athletic - 64, 15
7. Brinemouth - 62, 25

19. Bishop - 37, -8
20. Goodfeather - 30, -20
21. South Laithland - 25, -31
22. Crisisbless United - 25, -34
23. Leichhardt - 25, -34
24. Belgrave - 24, -33

Joel Conway’s missed penalty came back to bite Creed in the end, as a resolute defensive showing from Newrook - and Couturiaux’s direct free kick, lofted beautifully over the wall (clipping Rodrigues’ head on the way) into the top corner - ensures a dry 1-0 win on the day, and progress on away goals. Crossroads actually take a 2-0 lead away against Chatswood on the hour mark, but the hosts manage to avoid an upset (and a frankly massive choke) thanks to promising young winger Severa Conleth coming off the bench, threading through Crossroads’ tiring defence, netting a brace and looking exasperated. Bishop and Brinemouth… well, they both know it’s over, especially when Brinemouth score first, but at least Chloe Asquith’s piledriver from halfway (which catches Jakob Carter stumbling) gives the highlight reel some material. Treason do not repeat their mistakes against Leichhardt; it’s a conclusive 3-0 thumping.

Things are getting agonisingly tight at both ends of the table. Treason, the only top seven side to secure a convincing win last season, are now the only top five side to drop points and slip to third for their trouble, paying dearly for an offside trap that didn’t quite work since Novkovic was, well, not actually offside, and simply slipped past Gideon Fletcher to take the lead. A somewhat more routine equaliser followed, Corrello’s long throw bouncing around the box a bit before being converted by the flying head of Roddy Fraser, but it’s just one point. More than welcome for Crisisbless United, of course, but even they fall further behind, as Belgrave seize the playoff place. They’ve been playing without moxie or spirit or verve, they just… are out of their depth at this level, and Meriadoc Griffiths probably wishes he’d just taken the Kingsgrove job… but Emeraude Tanner hammers home the difference against an uninspired South Laithland. Leichhardt, after slipping to a stodgy 1-0 defeat to Starling, fall to last place.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 72, 31
2. Starling - 71, 24
3. Treason - 70, 26
4. Moths - 68, 21
5. Athletic - 67, 16
6. Newrook - 64, 16
7. Brinemouth - 63, 25

19. Bishop - 37, -9
20. Goodfeather - 30, -22
21. Belgrave - 27, -32
22. Crisisbless United - 26, -34
23. South Laithland - 25, -32
24. Leichhardt - 25, -35

Treason’s 16-game unbeaten streak ends. Of course it’s to Corvistone, who are still a fake club with no fans or consistency, but they’ve got moments of magic from Pangallo and Haight, with Maria Kovacic (third time this season the goalkeepers have swapped) making some great saves between the posts. It was deserved, though. Damn it. The eyes are elsewhere, though, on a pulsating draw between the sides above them, Ruhl vs. Andisori a battle of polar opposites, the Cosumar international scrapping and scrounging and even biting, at one point, to get Visser’s hand off his shoulder - that caused a brawl and some scattered cautions, and Ruhl celebrated by metaphorically punching home Isaia Urso’s cross. But then Andisori snatches the ball from the normally resolute Bronte’s feed, plays a lovely one-two with Padilla, scampers past Molovi before sliding her leveller low and hard past Marciak, and would on the stroke of halftime turn provider for Sleipnir Woodwind to turn home. But Crisisbless kept just… becoming more and more themselves, a resolutely competitive side from top to bottom, clamping down on any hint of Starling possession before finally capitalising on an error from substitute Willow Creek - Jevdjevic-Hadsic was on that loose ball like lightning, and volleyed the ball first-time with impossible pace beyond Smordal for the leveller. The promoted sides play one another, with Crisisbless United simply superior to Belgrave but having to wait until injury-time for the scoreline to reflect it, Lukas Antelmi driving through the Gargoyles’ weary midfield and defence before driving home past Connell, while North Sabrefell… mostly look like they’re happy to have the job mostly done. A win against South Laithland would have helped, though, but despite Erika Wolff driving home a brace of powerful strikes, she’s let down by the pace and slackness of those behind her. Vesuvia Carrick drives home an impeccable cross across the face of goal by… North Sabrefell rightback Meg Owley, to secure a vital comeback win for the Southrons. Goodfeather outplay the Hawks, a rare goal for Dimitar flanked by goals from rather more usual suspects in Rannon and Sharpe for a vital 3-1 win that keeps them four points clear of danger. Bishop beating River impressively means that they’re now eleven points clear, and their relegation becomes more mathematically than realistically possible.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 73, 31
2. Starling - 72, 24
3. Moths - 71, 23
4. Treason - 70, 24
5. Athletic - 68, 16
6. Newrook - 67, 17
7. Brinemouth - 63, 24

20. Goodfeather - 33, -20
21. Crisisbless United - 29, -33
22. South Laithland - 28, -31
23. Belgrave - 27, -33
24. Leichhardt - 25, -37

No rest for the wicked. Starling plunge straight in to another top-class opponent, this time facing off against an ailing Brinemouth side. The Dockers score first, Pablo Scotti - whose goalscoring pace has decidedly slowed this season - lunging to stab home a cross from Bartley - whose goalscoring pace has stalled. But Starling seize the match back after sleepwalking through the first ten minutes, and Armstrong, Padilla and Kymeri take back the lead. Malachi Chalk pulls one back, but that’s all the Dockers can do, and they’re now thirteen points out of top spot and six away from the CC places. Crisisbless maintain the punishing pace at the top by pulverising the Chariots 4-0 away from home, while Treason stall to a draw against Leichhardt through a too-rare Hatherton screamer. Crisisbless United outplay a sluggish North Sabrefell, Sigrun Rivers stabbing home the only goal of the game in the 39th minute. “We aren’t on the beach,” insisted Alcuin Sharp after the game. “But maybe we’re… you know… maybe we’ve been reminded it’s there, a bit too much.” Meanwhile, a Laithland derby isn’t usually the most violent affair, as the sides rather consider themselves together against the world. But nobody told the Southrons on this occasion - they go in hard for every challenge, every loose ball, Alweather’s cross knocked down by Bentzen for Carrick to slam home for the first goal before Natasha goes flaring down the right, cutting in on the left and then stabbing her finish past Fairweather, and while Han is more or less hipchecked by de Naam for a penalty Finlay confidently finishes and Tess Pell somehow contrives to shank over the bar from four yards, the Spiders don't really get the chances to deserve their win, loads of possession and nothing to do with it. Sums up their season really, one where they’ve failed to hit the heights.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 76, 35
2. Starling - 75, 25
3. Moths - 74, 25
4. Treason - 71, 24
5. Athletic - 71, 18
6. Newrook - 67, 16
7. Brinemouth - 63, 23

20. Goodfeather - 34, -20
21. Crisisbless United - 32, -32
22. South Laithland - 31, -30
23. Belgrave - 27, -34
24. Leichhardt - 26, -37

“We’re on the top of the table,” says Crisisbless manager Aidan Brosque. “This club has everything to prove. We’re literally called the Heelers, for fuck’s sake. What other club in this country’s got a nickname that’s making fun of them, hey? Whatever, we’re going to win every match, it’s in our own hands.” No pressure, then. But his side can walk the walk as well as he talks the talks, and prove it against a resilient Treason. Centre-halves normally make the headlines for their mistakes, so it’s worth highlighting that Molovi’s grace and Bajnok’s low, murderous cunning, a nearly unbroken partnership throughout the season, form an impassable barrier throughout the game, Marciak’s comfortable with every shot that comes his way and Delphi Barbarouses, deputising for the injured Swan, proves the Heelers’ depth with the only goal of the game in the 63rd minute. Better still, there’s failings elsewhere; Starling are cold-cocked by Chenoworth Harriers. Nikita Loeher has had something of a barren streak of late, and at 35 just looks… well… a bit cooked, really, but she’s still able to come off the bench in the right place at the right time to tuck home a late winner. Brinemouth stumble against the Chariots, but, really, they aren’t contending for anything anymore, and likely neither are Newrook after a second-half flurry from Athletic downs them 4-2. Belgrave fail to find a way past Leichhardt, and another Hatherton piledriver, and Auttenberg’s capitalisation on a defensive mixup, ensure a vital win for Leichhardt. This is one of those relegation battles that’s really being enlivened by the playoff place, now occupied by South Laithland after a brave 2-2 draw against Cypher, won despite a red card for Bentzen on the hour.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 79, 36
2. Moths - 77, 26
3. Starling - 75, 24
4. Athletic - 74, 20
5. Treason - 71, 23
6. Newrook - 67, 14
7. Brinemouth - 64, 23

20. Goodfeather - 34, -21
21. South Laithland - 32, -30
22. Crisisbless United - 32, -35
23. Leichhardt - 29, -35
24. Belgrave - 27, -36

So the Stargazers haven’t had the best of seasons, but the Bohemians have lost five in a row. If there’s any time to visit them, if there’s anywhere to take some points, it’s surely here. Well, no, apparently, because Erika Wolff goes crashing in at the far post to punch home a killer ball from Montag just seventy-three seconds in. Leichhardt protest for a foul - she did rather drag Cranshaw to the ground as she went in - but to no avail, and they never regain their structure. Roxel and Stinnett finish the job in the second half. Top faces bottom and, unsurprisingly, crushes them, Crisisbless resting a number of key players and striding to a 3-0 win over Belgrave anyway, and that’s even better considering so many beneath them stumble. The Moths are held by Southfell, Starling toppled by a resilient, uncompromising but oddly breathtaking Newrook side to watch in flight, Raquel Woods with a bombing run from leftback to lash home a late winner. Treason are forced to open up when Brinemouth, surprisingly, open them up from a set piece - Conjure’s free kick nodded in by Magnozzi. The Stags are cut open on the counter twice, 3-0 down by half-time, and despite improving after the break still slip to a crushing defeat and four points from the top four. Once famed for their depth and endurance, they’ve simply run out of steam - and players. At the bottom, Aurora Jewel holds back two players, before turning on a coin and bulldozing them both and smashing the ball into the net for a vital, vital winner for Goodfeather over a luckless South Laithland.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 82, 39
2. Moths - 78, 26
3. Starling - 75, 23
4. Athletic - 75, 20
5. Treason - 71, 21
6. Newrook - 70, 15
7. Brinemouth - 67, 25

20. Goodfeather - 37, -20
21. South Laithland - 32, -31
22. Crisisbless United - 32, -35
23. Leichhardt - 29, -38
24. Belgrave - 27, -39

Crisisbless are big winners here. They came, they saw, they conquered. Allison Swan was particularly dominant on her old stomping grounds in the Terranean League, but really it’s just a day where it all comes together. Swan, Ruhl and Urso get the goals that should, realistically, all but secure the Heelers’ place in the last four.

Starling face Athletic in a match where only the winner will retain a realistic chance of the title. Estrella Hawke opens the scores, Alcander Visser with a rare error as he swipes and misses a Bereveskos pass he should’ve cut out easily. Hawke snatches up the rebound, rushes past Loredan and forces her strike past Smordal, predictably refraining from open celebration. Starling think they hit back four minutes later, but Kaelin controlled with her hand before firing home. They actually hit back in the 41st minute, slick interplay culminating in Andisori, shunted out to the left, sending in a hopeful cross that Evangeline Aschenbach of all people hustles in to nod home at the near post. The second half is all hustle and no end product, though Coltrane rifles a beautiful thirty-yard strike off the crossbar that rebounds with such force to come straight back to him. Starling are taking no chances, though - Kymeri just fouls him. Anyway, the draw doesn’t do much good for either of them, particularly as Crisisbless and the Moths ahead of them and Newrook and Brinemouth behind them all chalk up easy wins against Sabrefell opposition, with Treason also belying recent form to beat the solid but uninspiring Harriers 1-0. At the bottom, Leichhardt and Belgrave slip further out of contention and realistically it feels it’s going to come down to 1.5 slots and three teams. Goodfeather FC could have made themselves a hell of a lot more secure, but a vicious downward header from Markos Schoenauer slips through Forster’s grasp to give Crisisbless United a late winner, while South Laithland edge out a disinterested Southfell in a 3-2 thriller where Natasha provse her (admittedly sporadic) class at this level and Meixner gets down brilliantly to punch away Marlowe’s late penalty.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 85, 41
2. Moths - 81, 27
3. Starling - 76, 23
4. Athletic - 76, 20
5. Treason - 74, 22
6. Newrook - 73, 17
7. Brinemouth - 70, 26

20. Goodfeather - 37, -21
21. South Laithland - 35, -30
22. Crisisbless United - 35, -34
23. Leichhardt - 29, -39
24. Belgrave - 27, -40

A crisp volley from Santo Zito - the Sameban winger booed with every touch - sneaks under Marciak to silence the crowd early on, just making people… wonder. But Centralis’ dream is snuffed out by a forceful Tia Drenas header, before young forward Kurtis Laiota comes off the bench late on and taps in his first Champions Cup goal with his first touch of the game, though Sutton did most of the work.

Athletic stumble to defeat against Coret Hawks and Starling are pegged back by a late Aniske Riske free kick to draw disappointingly with the Chariots. Both of them, and Treason despite another cagey win over Newrook, are practically out of the title race following more confident wins from Crisisbless and the Moths; Newrook and Brinemouth are now mathematically out of the race, despite the Dockers’ late winner from the recently blunted and maligned Kyron Bartley against North Sabrefell. Definitely one of those days where things are spicier in the danger zone, in which Belgrave and Leichhardt secure draws that could best be described as ‘far too little, far too late’, but more importantly, South Laithland battle their way past Raven River. River take an early lead, Kesteren with a low, darting strike that the normally redoubtable Meixner really should have saved, but it’s Meixner’s distribution that enables the Southrons’ leveller as he claims Hateley’s cross and immediately fires it straight back down the wing, Alweather crosses and Kester slams home. A tight finish from Carrick and a cold-blooded penalty from Sherry Bickermann (yes, still knocking about at 33) ensures the three points, while Crisisbless United get a thrilling 4-1 win as they overrun Southfell United. The Southrons are in the clear, the Chequers in the playoff place… for how did the Quakers respond? They… didn’t. They were thumped 3-0 by Corvistone, without so much as a shot on target to their name.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 88, 43
2. Moths - 84, 29
3. Starling - 77, 23
4. Treason - 77, 23
5. Athletic - 76, 19

20. South Laithland - 38, -28
21. Crisisbless United - 38, -31
22. Goodfeather - 37, -24
23. Leichhardt - 30, -39
24. Belgrave - 28, -40

12 points left to play for.

These are some proper semifinals. The Rooks are faced with a resilient Chatswood side who excel in their traditional way, hard as nails at the back with goalkeeper Aleksovic in defiant form. Newrook shove and shove, almost undone at the back by a failure to cut out a long throw from Karling, star striker Vestal takes an almighty swing at it… and slices it over the bar, practically unmarked. Newrook make them pay for it, Ville Pakkanen racing down the right,cutting inside and out until Karling actually just falls over before lashing in a powerful strike. Aleksovic palms away, Farrell is brutally felled by Rashkin trying to snatch up the rebound, Rashkin takes the red card gracelessly and Bothroyd slots away the penalty anyway. Brinemouth against Treason was once the fight between the uncontested giants of the game. Well, it’s that no longer, but it’s still a good match to watch between sides that just don’t like each other. Stig Soederquist, playing more advanced than he usually does in an industrious midfield setup, gets the first goal as he snatches a loose ball off Tarashaj, starts a passing move with an innocuous pass across to Close and then, fifteen passes later, ends it with an unmarked tap-in. Treason’s leveller is far more… well… Treason. Neptune crosses, John Fletcher rises above to head powerfully into the bottom corner, 1-1 the final score.

It’s a crazy few nights. In no particular order; Belgrave fight hard against Newrook City, but their ‘naivete at the back’ (read: they still can’t defend for beans) gifts Farrell a late winner before the luckless Naess clinically drills Pakkanen’s cross into the bottom corner to add insult to injury. They are now, officially, relegated. Leichhardt cling on for another week, thanks in large part to Goodfeather FC going completely missing in completely the wrong game. With River and South Laithland losing winnable fixtures, it’s the perfect opportunity to sweep the lowly Stargazers at home… and they just don’t take it, dominating possession but with no idea how to actually put the ball past Raihane Stern. Ylissa Hatherton may have the ire of the supporters on her back with almost every touch, but she silences both home and away crowd with a breathtaking free kick whipped into the top corner before turning provider, threading a brilliant diagonal ball. Zuzana Streiss should just lamp it, but decides to guide it into the net with a twirling backheel instead and winds up hitting the inside of both posts before the ball finally nestles into the net, sealing a 2-0 win. At the top, Crisisbless’ routine 2-0 home win over Cypher Town is… well, the sort of match you get the idea just from the opposition and scoreline. But as ever, it’s the Heelers’ ability to just rack up routine wins that’s setting them apart from the pack this time, and this is when all beneath them slip and fall. The Moths play, well, echoes of last year, really, in how Creed United dominate them. Sabrefell Athletic wanted their firebrand winger, Joel Conway, who opted to join the Oathmen instead due to better prospects of minutes. Well, Reds fans will have been salivating at how easily Conway shredded the Moths defence, scoring up a hat-trick of assists, while assertive forward Korborg just gets a hat-trick of goals in a conclusive 5-1 win. Behind them, Starling play off against Treason in a match that, well… Treason play like a team that knows they’re out of the title race. Starling play like a team that knows there’s still the top four to fight for, and win 4-1. But their performance doesn’t even come close to Sabrefell Athletic’s, not even remotely. A 9-2 win, against their second-fiercest rivals, the Chariots? Athletic bombard the Chariots’ box with crosses and evidently the luckless Mirka Ceciu, who picks a great moment to deputise for the injured Tarrasch, doesn’t cope with it. After the 90 minutes are up, Ceciu’s scored a hat-trick! Of own goals. The first in Premiership history. “We’ll just have to move on from that,” says Isla Safarova, convincing nobody in particular.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 91, 45
2. Moths - 84, 25

20. South Laithland - 38, -30
21. Crisisbless United - 38, -33
22. Goodfeather - 37, -26
23. Leichhardt - 33, -37

9 points left to play for.

Sadly, the Cup semifinals don’t really provide much (if anything?) in the way of entertainment. Chatswood don’t offer anything more at home against the Rooks, effectively contained and pressed to their own half, Hedlund dominant in the centre of the park, sealed by a single powerful strike from Couturiaux. Treason, meanwhile, get hoist by their own petard. In a very direct affair against Brinemouth, the only goal of the game comes through a slick Conjure corner that Kyron Bartley, entering a fine vein of form near the end of the season, rushes in to flick home past Rustwyth at his near post. Could the young goalkeeper have done better? Probably - but in the hour remaining, the Stags never really look like scoring, and crash out. Newrook vs. Brinemouth - the Rooks, tied for most relegations in modern history, might manage to tie for the most Cup wins (three, like Crisisbless), while Brinemouth will aim to make their advantage on paper count on the pitch, particularly in what could be Lujendra Mescalin’s last match in charge.

Things are getting red-hot at the bottom. Goodfeather do manage to scrape a point against Crisisbless on a day where Raven Forster makes up for her errors with a player of the match performance… but they still just can’t score. Leichhardt can score, and do so twice as they beat Southfell for their third straight victory. Could they actually pull out the great escape? Almost certainly not, especially after Crisisbless United edge Bishop in an ugly, scrappy affair that was settled by rightback Kari Bruun coming up for a last-minute corner and rising above practically everyone to smash home Antelmi’s corner. And they say, back in Mriin, she’s remarkably short. For a satyr. South Laithland edge out Creed 2-1 as well. That Crisisbless draw keeps the Moths in theoretical contention, five points adrift following a convincing win over a Coret Hawks side that just sort of exists to be a jobber at this stage of the season. There hasn’t been a lot of managerial upheaval during this season. Even most of the struggling sides have chosen to stick rather than twist at the end of this season, and you can see why - it was a miracle Griffiths got Belgrave (broken down 3-0 at home by Starling) promoted in the first place, Andrea Vardalos won the Manager of the Year award two seasons back, Ezra Stonewaters has been a stoic presence and left his team’s slide until it was too late to do anything, Lyn Hartmann is, well, same deal as Griffiths, while Crisisbless United are one of just two Premiership teams to have swung the axe all season. Maybe it’s made the difference for them. Konrad Evans has left it late… but the impact has been made. Point is, a lot of axes are probably going to be saved for the offseason, when Coret Hawks manager Jessica Loque’s contract expires, and she’ll leave behind a legacy of basically dead air. Then again, maybe that’s as good as Coret can hope for.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Crisisbless - 92, 45
2. Moths - 87, 27

20. South Laithland - 41, -29
21. Crisisbless United - 41, -32
22. Goodfeather - 38, -26
23. Leichhardt - 36, -36

6 points left to play for.

Ah, well. This could well be where it ends for the Heelers, as Aidan Brosque’s squad grinds to a halt against a Lammerton side that’s just harder, faster, stronger, better on the day, and more clinical to boot on a match where the aging Pawlo Marciak doesn’t cover himself in glory. 3-1’s the final score, with it all to do back in Schottia.

Well, it wasn’t the most glamorous way to win a title, but you suspect Heelers cans will take it. They’re just unable to break down an infuriatingly stubborn, inconsistent Southfell side, who win when Cordean lofts a diagonal ball across to the brash striker Erik Marlowe who just hammers a volley into the top corner. That almost set up a title race on the final day. It didn’t, because the Moths are beaten down 5-3 on a day where the Rage simply decide, fuck it, let’s just hurl everything at them like the old days. Starling beat North Sabrefell 2-1 to slide into third while a crunch match sees Athletic simply have too much for a wearying, paper-thin Treason side, beating them 3-1 as Estrella Hawke makes the difference and continues to canter towards the Iron Boot. Treason are now behind Brinemouth (who beat Goodfeather 2-0) and Newrook (who draw with North Laithland) on GD, in a three-way tie across the Globe Cup places. Title, CC, GC, it’s all locked in.

Things are going to be more interesting at the bottom, and for a while there has been the sense that it’ll come down to the three-team death-grip around the top of the relegation battle. Leichhardt, who have conceded fewer goals than Brinemouth, were nominally in that race too. Were. They can’t make it four wins in a row, can’t find a way through against Raven River on a day where Kia Anders throws a bone to troublemaking forward Povilas Kaukenas, throws him on in the 70th minute, is rewarded with a powerful strike to break the deadlock in the 84th and then the sight of Kaukenas ripping off his shirt to reveal a muscle vest reading ‘Kia Anders is a wanker’. Anders still has a substitute left, and promptly yanks Kaukenas off for young midfielder Feather Graves. Thus is the Stargazers’ fate sealed. Goodfeather continue to lag behind due to their failure to lay a glove on Brinemouth. Failing to score in five games hasn’t helped. They will need, non-negotiably, to break that run on the final day. South Laithland slip behind, losing 2-0 in a tired, pedestrian performance to the by-the-numbers Hawks, and worse, they lose their heavy GD advantage to Crisisbless United… who come to a Creed side that aren’t so much merely on the beach as having already set up the deck chairs and towels, and thrash them 6-1 in a match where Jessica Lennox nets four in the second half, truly coming alive with a righteous vengeance. She refuses to get relegated again!

Almost, almost, almost. And indeed, Crisisbless do strike back two goals in the first half, but still have a third to chase due to away goals. Instead, they’re hit on the counter by Raquel Naeher, and Airik Ruhl misses a last-minute header. Just not their day - but Lammerton were the better side.

by **Nephara** » Fri Jun 22, 2018 3:45 pm

Matchday 35: Cranequin City have been quietly extremely disapponting, but Kirsten Gemmill's just a pace ahead of others at this level, and pretty much single-handedly guides the Terracotta Army to a 3-0 hammering of Hackett. She draws and then converts a penalty, touching the ball beyond Belsky before being smashed to the ground by her, before neat finishes from inside the box leave Samara without a chance. A 3-2 thriller between Morningstar and Armstrong is largely enabled by early red cards for Andreas and Fenwick, forcing both teams to reshuffle their defences and open up in search of glory. Giant Armstrong keeper Constantine Yeoman is almost the hero, saving Tsiavis' penalty... but it just bounces straight back to the striker, who stabs it home for the winner anyway.

Matchday 36: Shakeups at both ends of the table, Corvette running aground against a determined, hard-hitting Armstrong side who have a third-minute goal against the run of play chalked off for a rightful offside, but seem to play with a firm sense of righteous indignation from that point on and battle to a 1-1 draw. Chatswood demolish Diamondqueen in an inspired performance. Outnumbered in midfield? No problem - just open them up through a set piece goal, then go direct with the pace and physicality of Suttner and Vestal up front to really smash them 4-1.

Matchday 37: Unfortunately, Chatswood's masterstroke can't be replicated against an Iron City side who are entirely happy with their scoreless draw, thank you very much. Stahlburg City can't successfully brutalise Corvette either, in a match where the Smiths' fans start to question Tibet's conservatism. When Oughtred is sent off after 29 minutes with the Maulers 1-0 up, surely the time is right for two up front? But Tibet disagrees, and while Isabella Shi does force a late equaliser, they can't take the three points and slip further from promotion. Armstrong, Extreme Hills and Stonegrave manage crucial away wins over relegation rivals.

Matchday 38: Parrhesia's easy win over Stonegrave is their fourth in a row, and exacerbates the fact that Stonegrave... well, they've just run out of legs, and warm bodies. Their backups are often barely of third-tier quality, and being forced to start Synod Blake up front is... painful, as he utterly fluffs three presentable chances. Mostly, though, it's a low-scoring weekend, though nobody told Cranequin Wanderers - the promotion bird has probably flown this season, but a 4-1 hammering of Hills highlights how they really only are a couple of players away from promotions... and, of course, keeping upcoming stars like wingers Kudelka and Loxton.

Matchday 39: Grace under pressure. Corvette sweep West Brinemouth into the bin 4-0 in a decisive, dominant performance. So what? So, Chenoworth Rovers grind to a halt in an excruciating 1-1 draw against a direct Vermillion Wanderers side, Morningstar draw against Cranequin City and a thunderous strike from leftback Kennet gives Stonegrave a 2-1 away shock over Diamondqueen. Gonen's Bridge also get a 1-0 win, thanks to the quality of Sol up front and Matthews between the posts (since reconciled with the fans after her earlier comments) over Coret Rovers, while Armstrong break Cranequin Wanderers' momentum constantly and nab a nice away point.

Matchday 40: Sheridan get a win over Stahlburg Rovers, but, really, it's too late in the day to bother reporting on them. Yet again, top teams stumble - Morningstar overturned 3-1 at home by Parrhesia in a performance of slick technique and lightning pace that really makes you wonder what the Saints have been doing for the first 3/4 of the season, the Rovers grinding out scoreless against Chatswood, Diamondqueen only narrowly scraping past an enthusiastic and physical Greygate... but yet again, Corvette simply glide to an easy 3-0 win, this time away at Cranequin City. This is not a strong Maulers side! They've been handing semi-regular starts to Con Neofitides! Daniella Strauss has never had a managerial job before... and why not, on this evidence? Armstrong tried to keep it tight and conservative against Brookford, but it didn't work - they're fortunate to be only 1-0 down at the break. To Warner Dranz's credit, he makes the changes, throws on Rho Efthimiou... and the powerful forward changes the game, scoring twice and having a hat-trick denied only by wrestling Traugott to the ground as he scuffed home. Even so, they notch a vital and unexpected win.

Matchday 41: Vermillion Wanderers may need to find a second dimension at some point. Sure, they defend okay, and pump it long and finish well, but what they don't have - and Chatswood do - is the ability to move it along the ground. Grear and Kouroglou dominate in the centre of the pitch, with Conleth repeatedly skinning Routledge, Vestal with a hat-trick and Aleksovic quietly continuing to stake a claim to being the best goalkeeper at this level. Another side to find another string to their bow is... West Brinemouth? Maybe it's more worrying for Locksley that they let the decidedly mediocre Gulls pass them on the pitch, and the Brewers really are playing like none of them have ever played with each other before. Or with a football. Or on grass.

Matchday 42: Locksley fall to pieces again, actually taking the lead through an increasingly rare goal from Makhone Djite and then just sort of melting at the other end, Cranequin City playmaker Amberstone not exactly amazing at this level but still easily finding the gaps with her passing, Gemmill with her finishing. Corvette remain near-implacable, Diamondqueen outplaying them but unable to find a way past Michael Lin, who is finally beaten on the stroke of half-time by an own goal from the hapless Laursen. But Corvette find a way back - first against the run of play, a surging run from Norval matched by a whipped finish, before Haines comes off the bench and breaks them on the counterattack.

Matchday 43: Catheline Harper looks sick on the touchline. Having just choked and lost 1-0 to lowly Sheridan, her Chenoworth Rovers get sucked-punched 1-0 on home soil by Stonegrave. But Corvette slip to a draw against Iron City - maybe they can still be reined in? A couple of derbies catch the eye. In Cranequin, the Wanderers are undone by the forceful purpose of a revitalised City side who seem to have clawed their way to safety on the strength of Kirsten Gemmill belatedly finding her finishing boots and the rock-hard defender, Heinz Kreis, finally trading in red cards for clean sheets. In Stahlburg, meanwhile, City just outclass a tired Armstrong side. Kantaroff and Voegel are too much to deal with on the wings, while Brujah and Pearce seize all possession in the centre before recycling it back forwards. Shi, Brujah and the leftback Keane get the goals in a convincing 3-0 win. Promotion is in their sights, but should they fall short, many of their best players could well leave them behind to move upwards...

Matchday 44: Not a lot happens, but that suits some teams better than others - the gap narrows to six points at the top as the Maulers are held by Stahlburg Rovers and indeed hold out against a late surge, while Chenoworth Rovers easily beat Greygate. Gonen's Bridge get a point, which is nice, but not nearly as nice as the three they were denied by a late Iron City penalty. Fyona Matthews giveth, and sometimes with her impetuous charges off her line, Fyona Matthews taketh away. Armstrong might just have clinched a decisive result, tough as nails at the back, Busch and Cavazos with the lethal finishes up front - Warner Dranz appears to have gotten his honeymoon back. Somewhat belatedly, Malta Falconer appears to have had one... at all, as her Extreme Hills side battles back from 2-1 down at the break to a 3-2 win over West Brinemouth in a proper back-to-back punchout. With less terrible finishing on both sides (or, to be fair, with goalkeepers Terrano and Tournay in less excellent form), it could've been 5-5.

Matchday 45: Corvette mathematically secure the title, beating Serpentine 3-2. The Rovers in second place are also assured of their promotion, beating third-placed Morningstar 1-0 thanks to a controversial late penalty for Ynoa's handball, leaving Stars in a three-person scrap with Diamondqueen a point behind (beating Cranequin Wanderers 3-1 away) and Stahlburg City one behind the Diamonds (who choke, with a 1-1 draw at home against Coret Rovers that feels like defeat). Immediately behind them, Brookford and Parrhesia draw 2-2. The Saints are actually unbeaten in their last thirteen, winning nine... and it may just have saved Benjamin Nyao's job. Too late for their promotion hopes, though, and it's very possible they'll be the only relegated team not to come straight back up. Sheridan, Locksley and Stonegrave are all down, but a win for Gonen's Bridge over Stahlburg Rovers keeps them in the hunt for safety, with Coret's brave draw against the Smiths giving them a two-point lead. Armstrong beat West Brinemouth and Hills draw with Cranequin City - the two sides aren't safe yet, either.

PREMIERSHPI

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              45  27  11   7  77  33  +44  92
  2 Sabrefell Moths          45  26   9  10  82  57  +25  87
  3 Starling                 45  25  11   9  76  45  +31  86
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       45  25  10  10  90  61  +29  85
  5 Brinemouth               45  22  14   9  96  64  +32  80
  6 Newrook City             45  25   5  15  73  52  +21  80
  7 AFC Treason              45  24   8  13  63  44  +19  80
  8 Vermillion Rage          45  22  10  13  78  53  +25  76
  9 Chenoworth Harriers      45  20  12  13  63  55   +8  72
 10 Violence Chariots        45  20   9  16  78  74   +4  69
 11 North Laithland          45  18  11  16  74  70   +4  65
 12 Coret Hawks              45  18  11  16  56  60   -4  65
 13 Southfell United         45  17  13  15  74  59  +15  64
 14 AFC Corvistone           45  19   4  22  74  76   -2  61
 15 Creed United             45  17   9  19  62  64   -2  60
 16 Cypher Town              45  13  12  20  43  59  -16  51
 17 Bishop                   45  13  11  21  51  60   -9  50
 18 Raven River              45  14   8  23  61  89  -28  50
 19 North Sabrefell          45  14   4  27  60  83  -23  46
 20 Crisisbless United       45  12   8  25  64  92  -28  44
 21 South Laithland          45  11   8  26  51  82  -31  41
 22 Goodfeather FC           45   9  11  25  46  74  -28  38
 23 Leichhardt               45   9   9  27  25  62  -37  36
 24 Belgrave                 45   6  10  29  47  96  -49  28

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corvette Maulers          45  28  10   7  84  42  +42  94
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         45  27   7  11  69  34  +35  88
  3 Morningstar               45  25   8  12  63  36  +27  83
  4 Diamondqueen              45  25   7  13  74  47  +27  82
  5 Stahlburg City            45  23  12  10  59  31  +28  81
  6 Brookford Otters          45  21  12  12  76  50  +26  75
  7 Parrhesia United          45  20  15  10  72  55  +17  75
  8 Chatswood                 45  19  17   9  52  36  +16  74
  9 Cranequin Wanderers       45  19  11  15  53  45   +8  68
 10 Stahlburg Rovers          45  19  10  16  54  54   +0  67
 11 Vermillion Wanderers      45  17  11  17  59  61   -2  62
 12 AFC Serpentine            45  17  10  18  53  59   -6  61
 13 Iron City                 45  16  12  17  38  44   -6  60
 14 West Brinemouth           45  15   9  21  44  52   -8  54
 15 Hackett                   45  14  11  20  43  57  -14  53
 16 Cranequin City            45  14  10  21  40  52  -12  52
 17 Greygate                  45  15   7  23  48  64  -16  52
 18 Armstrong                 45  13   9  23  47  64  -17  48
 19 Extreme Hills             45  12  12  21  58  76  -18  48
 20 Coret Rovers              45  12  11  22  58  77  -19  47
 21 Gonen's Bridge            45  10  15  20  36  53  -17  45
 22 Stonegrave                45  11  10  24  32  62  -30  43
 23 Locksley                  45  10  12  23  41  72  -31  42
 24 Sheridan                  45   6  16  23  18  48  -30  34

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ritter Town                  45  26  10   9  80  37  +43  88
  2 Mantlegrove                  45  24  10  11  67  46  +21  82
  3 Crisisbless Athletic         45  21  15   9  69  46  +23  78
  4 The Strongest                45  21  15   9  78  57  +21  78
  5 Peregrine                    45  22  10  13  81  62  +19  76
  6 Rochford                     45  19  14  12  55  42  +13  71
  7 Chardonnay Rangers           45  20   8  17  68  50  +18  68
  8 Crossroads Town              45  19  10  16  80  63  +17  67
  9 Pillars of Southfell         45  17  15  13  41  33   +8  66
 10 Lazuli Diamonds              45  16  17  12  66  51  +15  65
 11 Ballardine FC                45  18  10  17  52  58   -6  64
 12 AFC Shale                    45  14  20  11  40  38   +2  62
 13 The Hanged Man               45  14  19  12  36  37   -1  61
 14 Riverkey                     45  13  19  13  36  40   -4  58
 15 East Laithland Harriers      45  15  13  17  53  60   -7  58
 16 Corinthians No Longer        45  13  17  15  55  59   -4  56
 17 Ox River United              45  14  13  18  40  55  -15  55
 18 Iron United                  45  13  13  19  48  60  -12  52
 19 Southriver                   45  15   7  23  57  70  -13  52
 20 Dartmouth Terriers           45  10  18  17  41  54  -13  48
 21 Falston United               45  12  10  23  44  71  -27  46
 22 Strephonage                  45  10  12  23  30  57  -27  42
 23 Brindleton                   45   8  17  20  41  69  -28  41
 24 Sutcroft                     45   4  12  29  34  77  -43  24

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Alliance Barossia      45  32   6   7  76  25  +51  102
  2 Barossia United        45  26   9  10  73  36  +37   87
  3 West Hook              45  24  11  10  63  39  +24   83
  4 Kommissar              45  22  16   7  77  47  +30   82
  5 Boltcroft Thorns       45  23  11  11  74  43  +31   80
  6 Martella Jazz          45  20  11  14  70  67   +3   71
  7 Kensey Town            45  19  12  14  82  68  +14   69
  8 Aries Solitaire        45  16  17  12  77  64  +13   65
  9 Brunyard FC            45  17  11  17  60  69   -9   62
 10 Hartford Glade         45  17  10  18  55  65  -10   61
 11 Falston Town           45  17   9  19  69  70   -1   60
 12 Downsparrow            45  16  12  17  77  79   -2   60
 13 Brokenarch             45  15  15  15  56  63   -7   60
 14 Long Lake              45  15  13  17  51  51   +0   58
 15 Sutcroft Athletic      45  16   9  20  58  71  -13   57
 16 Gosmouth Swans         45  16   8  21  57  59   -2   56
 17 South Parrhesia        45  15  11  19  58  70  -12   56
 18 Mapleford              45  13  15  17  48  60  -12   54
 19 Ingram Township        45  12  14  19  41  60  -19   50
 20 Sirencall FC           45  13   8  24  60  72  -12   47
 21 Boleyn Town            45  12  10  23  30  54  -24   46
 22 Pravenna Saints        45  10  12  23  32  53  -21   42
 23 Rushe United           45  12   5  28  64  92  -28   41
 24 Gridlock               45   9  11  25  26  57  -31   38

by **Nephara** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:24 pm

THIRD DIVISION FINALE
The well-liked Boltcroft Thorns know that they have a decent shout of promotion as long as they win their match - if Kommissar fail to beat Hartford Glade, or West Hook lose to Martella Jazz, both top ten sides, they’ll be overtaken. There’s just one minor issue; the Thorns have to visit Alliance Barossia, top of the table by a country mile with over a hundred points already. Annoyingly for them, both the sides above them choke - Kommissar just can’t break Glade down, try though they might, conceding an early penalty and leaving it late to pull one back too. West Hook forward Altenna Cliving almost becomes a hero for her side, the 32-year old journeyman with a powerful header and a viciously powerful strike in the last 15 minutes to give Hook the draw they need against Martella Jazz in a 3-3 thriller… but it’s all a little pointless anyway, as the Thorns are kept at arm’s length against Alliance, and the only goal they score is an own goal as they lose. Alliance, Hook and Kommissar are joined by Barossia United in promotion. At the bottom of the table, it’s a straight fight between Sirencall and Boleyn. But Sirencall only need a draw, sit back, hit on the counter on the half-hour mark and clinch the 1-0 win they need. Boleyn Town, a side that was in the Premiership two seasons before Nephara joined UICA, slink down to the Conference, along with Pravenna Saints, Rushe United and Gridlock. The Saints have many logistical issues in their participation at the semi-professional level, and will be given a certain number of exemptions next season in exchange for temporary relocation. They should, however, retain their hard-won place in the pyramid.

SECOND DIVISION FINALE
Like in the league below, three teams fight over third and fourth, two fight over 20th. Ritter Town stamp down their place as champions with a 3-1 win over the Hanged Man. Mantlegrove, nailed on for second place, visit Falston United, currently in 21st, and their early goal off a corner is nullified when Josef Mariner wins (generously…) and then converts (clinically) an eleventh-minute penalty. But carelessness undoes Falston in the end, a slack pass from goalkeeper Elen Partridge going… straight to opportunistic striker Paul Rashkin (younger brother of Chatswood defender Darius), who slams home Mantlegrove’s winner. The Terriers would have been safe anyway, as they impressively beat Corinthians No Longer 3-1 away. Further anti-climax in the promotion chase - Crisisbless Athletic edge AFC Shale but as soon as Tasha Kite gets her opener it’s clear Shale can’t get anything past fringe Abanhfleft international Qatintiki, while The Strongest hammer Ballardine 4-0 and Peregrine, well, slump to a 3-0 defeat to an East Laithland side that still clearly has some surprises left in it.

FIRST DIVISION FINALE
Uncannily, it’s also third, fourth and 21st that are up for grabs here, though made more intriguing due to the playoff place at the top and four teams being involved at the bottom. There’s also a top of the table clash that almost means everything, but in this case, it doesn’t. Chenoworth Rovers get some catharsis by smashing Corvette 3-0 away, but that just makes it more insulting when the Maulers lift the First Division trophy anyway, in front of fans whose enthusiasm has not even slightly dimmed. There’s more almosts in that promotion race, too, as Stahlburg City, stranded in fifth, can only grind to a scoreless, miserable halt against West Brinemouth. That’s still enough to make Diamondqueen sweat, but as Morningstar grind their way to a 1-1 draw with Chatswood, Auburn Weber (naturally!) flights an arcing shot into the top corner late on… well, the top corner intersection of post and bar, anyway. But it’s all good, Fortounis is there to nod home the rebound and seal a 1-0 win over the Otters, and third place for the Diamonds, with Stars slipping to fourth. The Smiths must surely be wondering what they might have missed. Unfortunately, the thrilling relegation battle… doesn’t really happen, since Bridge are 2-0 down against Serpentine at half-time and go on to lose 3-1, sparing the Hounds’ blushes as they’re beaten 4-2 by Parrhesia on a day where they lose all defensive composure. Coret Rovers, it’s worth mentioning, managed a late winner from the unlikely source of veteran midfielder Rachel Tsicaderis over Vermillion, and while ultimately immaterial, it’s still important symbolically. Bridge, Locksley (who beat Stahlburg Rovers on an emotional day for their manager, Reinhard Drake, who is knitted into the framework of the club and is surely set for the axe this offseason), Stonegrave and Sheridan (whose nineteenth goal of the season comes as they beat Stonegrave away) go down; the Maulers, Rovers and Diamonds seal promotion, with Stars left to sweat it in the playoff.

PREMIERSHIP STATE OF PLAY
Unfortunately, this is not going to be a last-day nailbiter. There will still be some good matches - a Sabrefell derby, most obviously, with the winner finishing higher on the table - but only 1.5 relegation places are in play, with the three relevant teams three points apart. Crisisbless United host Coret Hawks, needing just a point to stay safe. South Laithland have a slightly but surmountably inferior goal difference (3, but with vastly inferior GS), three points behind United. They host the tough but beatable Vermillion. A win catches them up to a defeated United, defeat would allow Goodfeather, three points behind with a superior GD and hosting the Harriers, to catch up.

In other matches, last-placed (by a country mile) Belgrave face a Treason side in poor form, a North Sabrefell side that is very much on the beach (and has failed to get the 50-point landmark, though never really been in danger) faces one final test against the Chariots, North Laithland host Starling, Corvistone face Creed United in the most who-gives-a-shit match of the day, Cypher and Southfell will host the B-teams of Newrook and Brinemouth sides with both eyes on the upcoming Cup finals, Leichhardt face Bishop and Crisisbless will lift the Premiership trophy in front of their own fans after they’re done with Raven RIver.

KICKOFF!
1 mins - And we’re off! Most eyes on the relegation battle, despite the drama of a Sabrefell derby that has its first foul fourteen seconds in, Deandre James crunching through Oscar Coltrane. Mmm. That’d be a yellow if it wasn’t… well… fourteen seconds in.
2 mins - GOAL! That didn’t take long. Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic lofts a ball over the top of River’s slumbering high line. Airik Ruhl gets under it, chests it down and rather than simply going around Althea Taliadoros, just slams home a volley past the young River goalkeeper. Early signs here that Crisisbless are going to celebrate their title win in style. CRI 1-0 RVR.
3 mins - The Heelers aren’t going to go down in history as one of the great Premiership teams, that’s for sure, but… it’s hard not to admire how they just grind out forceful wins. Something that they haven’t exactly made a habit of, over their history. They deserved this title.
4 mins - Leichhardt look sharp early on, surprisingly. In fact, they’ve looked good in the entire late stages of the season, just not nearly good enough, playing unburdened by expectation and with the quality of Streiss and Hatherton to hurt people. Woodspur eases past Shore and lashes a strike against the crossbar that leaves Julian Alderweiss, Bishop’s third attempted goalkeeper of the season, motionless.
5 mins - GOAL! Surprisingly, the second goal of the match happened in one of the… no point in mincing words, nobody is watching this game. Even fans of the relevant teams are probably watching other games. And that’s a shame, because after much prying and teasing, close to a minute of pressure on Newrook’s inexperienced defence, Nygard threatens the shot, before sliding across to McCosgraigh who has the simplest of finishes to guide past Hesketh for the opener. CYT 1-0 NRC.
6 mins - In an ominous sign for the other teams at the bottom, Crisisbless United look sharp at the start. They’re finally playing like the team they were meant to be from the start, as Rivers, Banerman, Stokes and Antelmi have adjusted to the standard, Lennox has had actual service, and second-string nobodies like Kitzbichler and Schoenauer have stood up to be counted. Coret just look like Coret, enigmatic as ever.
7 mins - Across town, Crisisbless (prime) nearly make it two, a long ball over the top from Swan trapped and fired by Ruhl - but Taliadoros came out quickly, made herself big, blocks it with her chest, and Kendrick gets back to slice a clearance away. Villaverde gets on the end of it and tries to start a counterattack but is shut down by Staunton.
8 mins - GOAL! The silk and steel of the Bohemians on display. Granted, this rather more the latter. The Schottic connection combines for the goal, Abner centring the ball to no-man’s land as Wolff strays offside, but Valentine Roxel runs in from midfield, leaps and heads low and hard, the ball bouncing off the turf and skimming beyond Commerford. NSF 1-0 VIC.
9 mins - South Laithland are also coming strong out the traps, despite injury forcing them to start Erik Paston, a bustling sort who looks out of his depth in a Premiership central midfield. But he’s winning everything in the centre of the park, at least, and Natasha’s been good at finding the players ahead of her. Just now, Kester’s cross goes straight to Bentzen, no giant… but he can only head straight at Ramelow.
10 mins - Meanwhile, in Sabrefell, attempted murder seems to be more important than style. It’s as if the same could really be said of most of the thugs that live in Nephara’s rightful capital.
11 mins - Yep, inbox is filling fast after that one...
12 mins - GOAL! Typical Leichhardt fare. They’ve been playing more assertively against Bishop, and win a corner as Streiss forces a sharp save from Alderweiss. Hatherton whips the corner venomously into the middle, and the 36-year old Chiron Amarantidis, in his last match before retirement, puts his skull through it and scores. LEI 1-0 BIS.
13 mins - “Typical out-of-touch Eastsider,” eyerolls Erhard Graf, who I can tell from his name is a handlebar-moustached, bristly man ramming his ham of a fist into a smartphone while sinking copious pints of that swill they call Northwestern lager. He says more words that I don’t particularly care about, and they are very angry. You are a very angry man, Erhard Graf.
14 mins - GOAL! More importantly, River have sharpened since those early scares, and seal a not-entirely-deserved leveller! Kaya Naumoff finally realises that when Jevdjevic-Hadsic has the ball, he needs it stripped, and does so, and then jackknifes the ball forward to Leonard to drives into the space, pressured by Bajnok but manages to cut it aside to the hugely impressive Chuy Villaverde, who hits it first time with utmost confidence to batter home his third goal of the season. CRI 1-1 RVR.
15 mins - Thou preparest a minute-by-minute before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with social media privileges; my inbox runneth over.
16 mins - GOAL! Well, that’s the Hawks for you. A ball bounces near Athanasios Nikolaidis and he lamps it hopefully towards goal. Into the top corner. CRU 0-1 COH.
17 mins - The news gets to the Laith, and a cheer erupts. The boys are pumped, and that bleeds onto the pitch - Natasha has a dig from an optimistic range, straight to Ramelow, and soon after Alweather has a pop too, well over the bar. Vesuvia Carrick looks pleading.
18 mins - A clear chance in Sabrefell! Finally! It comes from a clever bit of improvisation from Ens to capitalise on an error from Vicelich, her sweeping ball upfield abruptly cut out by Ens’ flying boot before the Farf flicked the ball over Weiss’ head… and into Estrella Hawke’s path, but out comes Griffin, makes himself big and blocks the shot with a powerful wrist.
19 mins - GOAL! It’s just not been the Stags’ season, though it’s been a lot less painful than last season. Lazarou’s pace gets her clear of their midfield, before she cuts inside away from Sandor and fires… and it’s not the strongest shot, really, but the luckless Vornander deflects it into his own net, arrowing clinically into the bottom corner off his instep. The Gargoyles’ first real half-chance of the game. BEL 1-0 TRE.
20 mins - To all those wondering why I haven’t been responding to your queries, I’d like to introduce you to my friend; ‘Clear 461 unread notifications’.
21 mins - GOAL! As I laughed at my empty inbox, the Spiders got a decent enough goal, too. Starling aren’t fast enough to get back after a promising free kick clanks into the wall, Sabitzer lamps it upfield and suddenly there’s a break on, and Tess Pell, one of the league’s fastest players, is on the end of it. She races all the way through on goal before her shot is deflected by Smordal and spins away… across the face of goal, and Deborah Stokes taps it home. NLA 1-0 STA.
22 mins - Close for Crisisbless United! A great set of interplay culminates in Novkovic hammering a shot… straight at Lethbridge, who stiff-palms the ball away, Valkanis hoofs it away… straight into the Chequers midfielder Kitzbichler, who sets up Rivers to take a first time shot that stings Lethbridge’s palms as it goes over! But that should be 1-1.
23 mins - And they almost concede on the counterattack! Antelmi’s corner - well, the Chequers are not a tall side, you can understand him going short to Rivers, whose low cross… is hammered away by the imperious Pavlovic, Ivana Henderson hits and hopes forward and suddenly it’s Dani Harper sprinting past the Chequers’ exposed defence, she gets on the end of the long ball but her touch is too heavy and Sparwasser’s able to sprint out and clear away.
24 mins - GOAL! The Gargoyles’ glass jaw strikes again, Raquel Accardi surging down the right, Neptune finding her with a ball over the top, Markranstadt out of position and Accardi makes a spectacular volley look simple, dragging it low and hard past Connell. BEL 1-1 TRE.
25 mins - Which of these Gargoyles will even be sought-after by Premiership teams? Sansa Dreyfuss, the rightback, has been tidy throughout. The young wingers, Lazarou and Conrad, have surely shown enough, and they might lose Muscat, too, someone who can get the ball in the net. And besides those four players who they’ll probably lose, they have… very little. Next season will be difficult for them.
26 mins - GOAL! The Tanners take the lead against the Dockers in what hopefully nobody is calling the Malachi Chalk derby. Some people accuse Miranda Gail of having nothing but pace, but the Chromatik international shows what else she’s capable of. She stands off Magnozzi, before feinting one way, jinking the other, cutting back inside past Calabrese and sidefooting into the bottom corner past Morales’ near post. SFU 1-0 BRI.
27 mins - Deserved, on the run of play, you’d have to say. Brinemouth have the personnel but as ever this season just can’t join it all together. From Southfell’s perspective, Ivan Hemeyer has been immense in holding midfield, as he has all season. And Metan Cordean… finally doing things… wow.
28 mins - GOAL! Speaking of, a goal from the man himself. From notorious flat-track bully to hammering home against Brinemouth, albeit this isn’t the most impressive of efforts. Marlowe takes on a strike, as he usually does when given any space, at all, and lashes it powerfully against the right post from outside the box. It evades both Kuepper and Close following in, but Cordean did better at anticipating it, takes one touch to control and then toebashes it into the roof of the net. SFU 2-0 BRI.
29 mins - It has to be said that the Dockers have looked… pretty staggeringly not great this season. Lujendra Mescalin will be 70 next season, and while all signs seem to be that he’ll be handed a contract extension, he’s not the only aging quality in this side. They’ll need more than just Tidesson next season, having made it clear they’ll be back for the Azuris winger - Bosetti and Roenoujya are retiring, they could really use a new centre-half, and they’ll want to have a replacement lined up for Soederquist, now 29, down the line.
30 mins - GOAL! Erika Wolff is quite good, isn’t she. She looks isolated when Kranevitter rolls her the ball, too acute an angle, but she just drops the shoulder, cuts inside and lamps one past Commerford. NSF 2-0 VIC.
31 mins - Wolff’s been talked about as a potential Nephara international. You can see why. She’s got the strength and pace, the athleticism that Michael Brandon likes in his strikers, and a ruthless edge on top of that. If you’re looking for a B-list Estrella Hawke...
32 mins - Speaking of, the A-List Estrella Hawke almost scores, flashing a header barely inches over after Ens plays in Ojala to whip in a lethal cross. The Moths have had the better of the play, but Athletic have had the clearer chances so far, and managed to keep Claudio Romano quiet.
33 mins - Ooh, that… that could have been a red, surely! South Laithland rightback Sauber’s heavy touch cedes the ball to Ramona Porter, who streaks past her and gets scythed down from behind for her trouble. Sauber wanders off looking innocent, and players in both purple and orange (which clash horribly, by the way, this is a terrible clash from an aesthetic perspective) crowd the referee. But referee Rufus Conrad opts for mercy, and a caution.
34 mins - For aesthetics, the match of the round has to be Goodfeather versus the Harriers. Goodfeather’s quartered jade and bottle green against the iconic red with white pinstripes of the Harriers… mmm. The actual match has been pretty terrible, though. The only news of any excitement is that Harriers captain and defensive midfielder Kutris has just limped off, replaced by the uninspiring Micah Horner. That raises the chance of something happening, at least - he was shutting Rannon down with ease.
35 mins - GOAL! Is anyone going to patriotically flay me alive if I say that Xixi Ens is better than Estrella Hawke? Because he is. Dropping deep to take up possession, he turns, skims effortlessly past two Moths and then flights a shot brilliantly into the bottom corner, Griffin’s dive for show more than any real hope of saving it. The Moths will say it was against the run of play. Maybe so. But it was a damn good goal. SFM 0-1 SFA.
36 mins - The crowd do not like that. They’re saying Hawke was offside - she kind of was, but wasn’t interfering with… anything, really. You can see the Moths aren’t complaining at all, they’ve just kicked straight off and already a botched cross from Meier has sailed majestically into the side netting.
37 mins - GOAL! It was only a matter of time. Belgrave have lost control, with wild passes and marking more out of desperation than cunning, without ever really creating a chance since the goal. Still, they seemed to have cleared a Stags attack, Naess clearing but only as far as Trahearne, who chests it down and then flights a long ball over the top. Aristide Metzger steals a match on the flat-footed Gargoyles’ defence and heads past a stranded Connell to put the Stags in the lead. BEL 1-2 TRE.
38 mins - Cypher Town against Newrook City was the second match to see a goal. Nothing has happened in the 33 minutes since. It’s a chance for the Rooks’ lesser lights, players like Lorne Winter and Isobel Foster, to shine. They aren’t taking it.
39 mins - GOAL! Brinemouth pull one back. It’s Malachi Chalk, running into the box at just the right moment, Martane finding him brilliantly and he just drags it somewhat unwieldily between Aldous’ legs with his left boot. He fist-pumps before realising he shouldn’t celebrate against his old club, and then tries to look studiously sombre and actually just looks embarrassed as his teammates mob him. SFU 2-1 BRI.
40 mins - Sauber, who has already had the most orange-hued of yellow cards, is somewhat reckless in rising for a header, Ramona Porter slammed to the ground and instantly rising back up, grabbing Sauber by the shoulders before they’re separated. Conrad decides they basically even one another out, and neither gets booked. One would suspect Rage would prefer they both were… that definitely appears to be the point that Spurlock is making, gesticulating furiously at an impassive fourth official.
41 mins - GOAL! The Chariots pull a goal back against the Bohemians. Seamster puts one over the top, Ruskin surges through everyone to get ahold of it, but his shot is beaten away by Sparr. Ruskin takes back the rebound, sees his angle narrowing and Abner chasing him… then slides the ball across to overlapping fullback Brill, making a genuine box into the run, and she hits it first-time past Sparr. NSF 2-1 VIC.
42 mins - “Is anyone else just happy that Sparr isn’t suffering a fourth relegation?” asks Yolanda Corren from Riverkey. Well, not yet, anyway. He was chased by most of the poor teams, and that’s his curse. He’s an excellent shot-stopper, but he’s not UICA material unless he’d be content as a backup. He’ll be 33 next season.
43 mins - Sparr reportedly rebuffed Bishop in the offseason. Now there’s a team that needs a goalkeeper. Risdon’s just not good enough, Scannell’s past it, Alderweiss… well… his first Premiership appearance has mostly been ‘panic’. He’s managed a couple of good scrambling saves, as Leichhardt have been all over Bishop so far, but that’s about it.
44 mins - GOAL! You know who’s a good goalkeeper? Althea Taliadoros. The Raven River stopper clips a goalkick all the way down the left, with Jessika Donath hustling out of her way to get onto it… before chipping the ball into the box. Breisgau seemingly overruns it, but it’s actually to backheel it flamboyantly to Petkovic, who steals ahead of her mark to stab home. River have had two shots. They have two goals. CRI 1-2 RVR.
45 mins - PENALTY! Crisisbless United have been getting more haphazard and… just plain tired, with their passing. With their tacking, too. Skapetis skips inside Stamatellis, who isn’t up to much at this level, tries to hack away the ball and hacks down the fiery winger instead. Nikolaidis, cool as ice, steps up… and, mind, the Hawks have missed fully half their penalties this season, with three different takers. Sparwasser needs to save this.
Injury time - GOAL! He can’t. Nikolaidis rattles the underside of the crossbar, power over placement, with an unsavable shot. Konrad Evans’ team talk just got more complicated. Will they really be able to get two goals past a semi-tight Coret defence? CRU 0-2 COH.

HALF-TIME SCORELINES
Sabrefell Moths 0-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Belgrave 1-2 AFC Treason
South Laithland 0-0 Vermillion Rage
North Sabrefell 2-1 Violence Chariots
Crisisbless United 0-2 Coret Hawks
North Laithland 1-0 Starling
AFC Corvistone 0-0 Creed United
Cypher Town 1-0 Newrook City
Leichhardt 1-0 Bishop
Goodfeather FC 0-0 Chenoworth Harriers
Crisisbless 1-2 Raven River
Southfell United 2-1 Brinemouth

As things stand, Crisisbless United are safe, South Laithland stay in the playoff place, Goodfeather are relegated.

46 mins - And we’re off again. As things stand, South Laithland will be safe with a win. You can tell they know; they’re going for it from the off, but a rather optimistic shot from Natasha is easy for Leila Ramelow.
47 mins - GOAL! A thing happened! A good thing, even! Promising teenage winger Petrarch Karaiskakis has been given the nod to start against Corvistone, and after a quiet first half in a sterile match burst abruptly into action, cutting violently inside, then back outside before hammering a left-footed strike across Kovacic to give the Oathmen an opener. CVS 0-1 CRD.
48 mins - Penalty shout for Vermillion! Porter slides a ball forward to overlapping leftback Katarec, whose first touch is a little heavy and Meixner comes out, takes the ball a split second before taking out Katarec for good measure. You’ve seen them given. Rufus Conrad does not. The Southrons have had the 50/50s this match so far, though this was really more a 20/80. That won’t appease the Rage’s fans, though.
49 mins - Crisisbless have been all over a Raven River side that seems content to sit back and try and absorb pressure with the lead. Taliadoros has already been tested, though, and now Allison Swan sends a snap-shot inches over. Workmanlike holding midfielder Aline Ruthers is warming up for River on the touchline, so it looks as though Kia Anders is going to commit to a more defensive strategy - assuming she’s replacing a forward or something, not the excellent Naumoff.
50 mins - It’ll be nice to see Chenoworth Rovers back in the top flight after this season. It’s been weird seeing them so far removed from their local rivals of late. That cuts both ways, too. I’m happy for the Harriers’ newfound success and all, but it was more fun when they and the Rovers were both rubbish, constantly being bounced out of the top flight. Who are your favourite old-school crap Harriers?
51 mins - Come to think of it, the two sides who have been relegated the most - Iron City and Newrook City on five - have both been very stable of late. It’s not like the old days where there were only about 32 teams big enough for the Premiership and they’d just rotate, constantly. Newrook have been stable in the top flight, even at the sharp end; Iron City just finished thirteenth in the second tier, were recently in the third, and have shown nothing to suggest they’ll trouble the top four anytime soon.
52 mins - GOAL! From nowhere! Alright, from consistent pressure, but whatever, the Moths have scored a fabulous goal! The ball had been in Athletic’s half for about three minutes but not quite able to get the shot off - at least, until Federico Serra gets the ball at his feet and just shoots, without pressure, flighting it beautifully into the side of the net past a sprawling Gautier! Game on! SFM 1-1 SFA.
53 mins - “A bit over a decade ago,” reminisces Patrik Kearney from Crisisbless, the best city in Nephara, “I remember the Harriers hired on a bunch of Brenecian players to cut costs. Russ Shorten was one of my favourites, he was rubbish. A large, glowery man who just clattered people in midfield. Couldn’t pass to save his life, of course, but he’d try these thirty-yard screamers that would just keep rising.” Shorten made a better laughing-stock, it has to be said, before he reached the Globe Cup final with North Hall.
54 mins - Vermillion have been in the ascendancy since the half’s started, and are just starting to get the better of South Laithland down the flanks. Porter knocks the ball past Sauber, races past her and cuts across goal, but Conte can’t get there and Breremond, turning on the afterburners, reaches it… to blaze over, from about eight yards! It was an acute angle, to be sure, but that was an abysmal effort and the young winger knows it.
55 mins - Crisisbless United haven’t shown anything to suggest they’re about to challenge Coret Hawks. In frustration, Evans pulls Kitzbichler and Novkovic for Koppel and Schoenauer. Which… would seem to indicate a switch to 4-4-2? The canny veteran Kaija Koppel’s proven she can more or less do a job at this level, and in any case this isn’t working. Maybe they’ll go more direct as a result.
56 mins - GOAL! It’s been coming. Takes a stroke of fortune, though, as Crisisbless break loose on the River defence, Staunton tries to play in Ruhl… but Caravel slides in to try and clear. But it bounces… unfortunately, and winds up going behind the burly centre-half, and Brigitte Coppinger is left with a simple enough finish to whip past a badly exposed Taliadoros. The champions are level, the home fans delighted! CRI 2-2 RVR.
57 mins - PENALTY! Not in any of the relevant games, though. Corvistone playmaker Pangallo swings in an indirect free kick at a dangerous angle, but it floats harmlessly over… everyone. But referee Martel Streiber sees what replays confirm; Afolayan was being dragged to the floor by Reisman!
58 mins - GOAL! Krista Morham sends Matraxis the wrong way from the spot. CVS 1-1 CRD.
59 mins - GOAL! What the fuck? Out of nowhere! Ulrica Rannon takes the ball in an innocuous enough space for the Quakers, then bursts past Horner, muscles past Dmitriev who gets a fair kick of her shins, stumbles but recovers in time to smash a vital opener past Markus Sheffield! GDF 1-0 CHH.
60 mins - That match had been absolutely terrible to that point, the home fans booing. Now they’re bouncing. If South Laithland lose, that will give Goodfeather the playoff place, and Vermillion have been the better team thus far.
61 mins - Back on the subject of crap Harriers of yore. “Remember Gareth Westmead?” asks Michaela Stryger. Of course we do, Michi. May I call you Michi? He was the next great hope to Solve the rightback position for the Cormorants, until he wasn’t. “Remember his dad, Royce? He can’t have given Gareth much of his genepool. He was just big, slow, plodding and, well, the peak of an early-50s Premiership defender, really. Club legend around those parts though, by all accounts.”
62 mins - GOAL! Starling take a deserved equaliser in a match I’ve barely been paying attention to because, well, would you? It’s a simple enough thing, though. Armstrong with a dangerous free kick that breaks up the Spiders’ defensive line, Keira Andisori does what the best goalscorers do and chances it, sticking out a boot for the ball and getting rewarded as it glances past a bewildered Fairweather. NLA 1-1 STA.
63 mins - News has reached the Southrons that they need not only to win and overcome the Chequers, but not to lose and fall behind the chasing Quakers. And now as the home fans perk up, Vermillion gets behind their back line again! Cassadore with a ball over the top, Conte looks to have stolen a march but there’s Duviel de Naam with a brilliant covering challenge, getting some of the man but all of the ball as he sweeps it away!
64 mins - GOAL! People don’t realise just how good at set pieces the Bohemians are. They should. A neat little routine culminates in the big centre-half Tamerlane nodding across goal as miniscule leftback Karagounis dashes in unmarked at the far post, lashing the ball back across goal. Alcuin Sharp gets on the end of it to toebash it into the net. NSF 3-1 VIC.
65 mins - Perhaps unsurprisingly, going ahead has stirred the Quakers into life. Jewel’s already hit the top of the post with a looping header, and now Marisa Leitner, not known as a particularly dynamic midfielder, leads by example and cracks a shot towards the top corner that Sheffield springs magnificently to claw away.
66 mins - GOAL! Belgrave have been tidy in the second half, dominating possession but constantly shunted out to the fringes by the disciplined, muscular Stags. Until now. Ilary Muscat takes the ball, turns and shoots, low and hard, somehow finding the bottom corner. A fantastic goal for a pretty damn good match that nobody is watching. BEL 2-2 TRE.
67 mins - Coret score a third… ? No, it’s chalked off. Kasmeer Jewell (not to be confused with single L Jewel of Goodfeather) steals ahead of the line, stretches out a leg and taps home Draxler’s diagonal ball. Steals too far ahead of the line, as it happens; it’s chalked off for offside, and she’s booked for her protests.
68 mins - Konrad Evans is imploding on the touchline. If that had been a third, that would’ve been game over, surely. He throws on Salz for the superior but booked and exhausted Na’Ryibi. Crisisbless United really need to do this - and they’ve looked better lately, going a bit more direct.
69 mins - “The Harriers produced Gerhard Thunder and Hadrian Belfast,” objects Anna Lauren from Chenoworth (wonder who she supports?). And she has a point. They did. They then immediately ran to Sabrefell to actually build their careers.
70 mins - GOAL! The champions pull ahead! Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic with a little piece of magic, knocking a bouncing ball over the top of Ruthers, letting it bounce once off the luckless midfielder’s head before striking it hard on the volley as it comes down, firing past Taliadoros with searing pace! A touch of slapstick, a touch of brilliance. CRI 3-2 RVR.
71 mins - Olenna Reus gets more into the spirit of it. “My favourite crap Harrier is Daniel Payne. All he could do was hang off the last defender’s shoulder and sprint really fast. Then he got old and couldn’t sprint really fast anymore, or really do anything. His finishing was rubbish, his first touch was terrible and he couldn’t hold up the play. What summarises him most, though, was the fact that he was pushed out of the picture by Juergen Evans. Finally left the team in his early 30s, if I recall.” Daniel Payne makes me think of Daniel Canady, one of my favourite dominant early journeyman Premiership strikers who would struggle to get minutes in the First Division these days. Do not get me started on Daniel Canady.
72 mins - GOAL! They did it! With four four fucking two! Schoenauer stood off with Sorrell before slyly passing the ball across to Stamatellis, who lamps an abysmal cross first-time over everyone. It bounces… to Karii Bruun at the far end, and Bruun collects the ball calmly and fires in her own[i] cross. Lennox rises above Valkanis and heads down powerfully into the base of the post, Lethbridge stumbles and Kaija Koppel throws out a boot to scuff the ball into the net! Ugly as anything, but United are back in this... CRU 1-2 COH.
73 mins - South Laithland, for their part, have firmed up defensively over the past few minutes. Vermillion have lacked a little penetration. Hasn’t helped that Reinhard Meixner is a properly good goalkeeper. AFC Treason are said to be among his suitors, whether or not the Southrons stay up - and of course they have a long and storied history of nicking South Laithland’s best players. It’s just that South Laithland’s best players have generally been pretty naff, lately.
74 mins - GOAL! Newrook B equalises against Cypher. Scrappy set piece goal, the burly rightback Conrad Trelliston actually on the end of it, attacking the far post and blindly heading home Winter’s corner. Enough said, really. CYT 1-1 NRC.
75 mins - So how about Corvette Maulers coming back, hey? It’s not a club I’ve ever particularly liked, it’s not [i]that big a club, but you just can’t keep the Valesiders down. Even with a totally new manager, even with a fairly mediocre squad, they’ve bossed the First Division. Fiona Norval’s been an inspired signing for them, Vicki Coleman has been outstanding and Dimitrius and Ankergren are excellent wingers by second-tier standards. They’ve traded out a high-octane low-drag approach for something more patient, and that really plays to their wingers strengths - and lets Voleimann really strut his stuff. You fancy they’ll be busy in the window, though. A starting quality rightback, centre-half, and midfielder at bare minimum.
76 mins - GOAL! Vyntra crosses, Magnozzi heads away, Marica Kuepper follows its flight and volleys into the far corner. Brinemouth B just doesn’t look like they have a particular fuck to give. This one’s done, you’d imagine. SFU 3-1 BRI.
77 mins - GOAL! The Quakers cement their advantage. Chenoworth have tried to level the scores, they just haven’t looked particularly inspired, Forster’s made some sharp saves and Ursa Dimitar has been a rock in midfield. It’s Dimitar who gets the ball off Sanna with a sliding challenge, hooking the ball over to Leitner, who plays in Rannon who rattles a shot… off Dimitriev. But only as far as Case, who surges into the box and curls a shot across Sheffield to put the Quakers 2-0 ahead! GDF 2-0 CHH.
78 mins - Morningstar fans will be eagerly awaiting which of the three opponents they’ll face in the playoff. Their defence is excellent, very disciplined - Emily Ynoa’s been the best defender in the league by a mile. But they have the pace to hurt teams, and a fully-actualised Tsiavis. One thing’s for sure; they aren’t going to melt down like last season, Helena Fleischer’s done a brilliant job. Will they want to play talented but flaky United, brusque and unexceptional South Laithland or the dour, tippy-tappy Quakers? Probably the Quakers - that’s a match where their own strengths play well to the Quakers’ weaknesses.
79 mins - GOAL! So much for the optimism in Crisisbless; the situation has officially changed! It’s a simple, inelegant goal, but there’s some beauty in it in a very specific way, Natasha threading a gap in Vermillion’s defence, Esteban Bentzen firing low and hard, Ramelow - who has been excellent - throwing out a boot to scuff the ball away, it bounces back towards goal and Vesuvia Carrick races past the sluggish Jeong to ram the ball across the line! Bentzen looks more than a little like he’s just had a goal stolen, but what does it matter? They milk the hell out of the celebration, and for good reason; as things stand, they are safe! SLA 1-0 VRR.
80 mins - The news hits Crisisbless. United fans spur on their team. They do not want this playoff. They’re rewarded by a speculative shot from Rivers after the winger turns Rudkine inside out, but it goes high and wide. The Quakers, meanwhile, slump. They know they really should have stayed up. Now, that looks a further prospect than ever.
81 mins - “Get started on Daniel Canady,” eggs on Lorenz Palmer from Brookford. I fucking love Daniel Canady. Formerly of Stahlburg Rovers, Sabrefell Athletic (for one glorious season before throwing a strop because they were crap), Parrhesia United, Corvette Maulers, Thor Rellhovn and Bishop - what a career! He was big, strong and ruthless enough to make up for having no real technical skill. His daughter Amelia’s done well at rightback for Bishop this season, actually.
82 mins - RED CARD! Machalat Sauber got lucky earlier for South Laithland, and could have taken a second caution later on before being spirited away for Henrik Raubell… but there’s no such luck for Erik Paston, who clatters Ryan Paulsson with two studs. He’s sent off… and Paulsson’s stretchered off. The bitch of it for Alexis Spurlock is that she just used her last substitute! Both sides down to ten, and Hartmann throws on 17-year old Constantine Jurman, a promising and muscular midfielder but, uh, not exactly ideal. Still, Vermillion are down their playmaker.
83 mins - God… talking about all these players, watching these twelve screens… this league’s come a long way. To all the young people out there who maybe don’t remember, this league… don’t listen to the nostalgics, this was a crap league back in the day. Players drank, they smoke, there wasn’t the technique and after joining the WCC and UICA, well, it was just worse for a while because it meant the best players left. The 47 Moths won the title easily enough, but they’d be a Second Division team at best these days. Maybe only three or four of the Baptism Cormorants could’ve played at this standard, and not for top-half teams at that.
84 mins - GOAL! Sabine Montag had been outstanding for the Bohemians today - she’s been outstanding all season. She was applauded by the fans four minutes ago when she came off for Bethany Madine. Well, Madine just scored. Insult to injury for the Chariots. NSF 4-1 VIC.
85 mins - GOAL! Brinemouth B pull one back, and that’s nice, isn’t it; 36-year old substitute leftback Dre Roenoujya bends his first goal of the season but just one of many for the Dockers in his final match, played through for one last run on goal and curling a drive underneath Aldous, who could probably have gotten down faster, with the outside of his boot. They’re losing, but he celebrates anyway. So do the away fans. I would too - Roenoujya’s a beloved figure around these parts. SFU 3-2 BRI.
86 mins - South Laithland almost clinch it! Meixner claims Nizarut’s cross, before roundhousing the ball down the wing to Alweather, who slips in Bentzen, to Natasha over the top to Carrick, who hurtles through on goal and tries to chip over Ramelow - but the rangy Rage goalkeeper stands tall and manages to punch the ball clear!
87 mins - GOAL! The Quakers cough up a cheap goal just as they looked to have absorbed an attack, Bierofka with a heavy touch in defence seized on by Nikita Loeher - another substitute playing her last match at 35 - who sidefoots calmly past a furious Forster, racing past her to grab the ball and race back to halfway. GDF 2-1 CHH.
88 mins - Oh, almost! The lively Vermillion substitute Nizarut gets on the end of an optimistic cross from Austad, via a contested header between the heroic de Naam and Conte, and arrows a header towards the top corner… but Meixner goes flying to claw it away! Maybe, just maybe, the Southrons--
89 mins - GOAL! No! Broken purple hearts in the Laith as United, pressing hard, get a leveller they don’t particularly deserve! The Hawks overcommit going forward, and are left horribly exposed when Stokes hammers the ball clear down the right, Sigrun Rivers goes running, then slows, before rolling the ball across to Lennox who hits it forward, Rivers hurtling past Rudkine with feverish pace, clipping the ball over Lethbridge - but that’s a fool’s game, with Lethbridge’s height, and he’s able to fingertip the ball clear across goal - but Kaija Koppel seizes on it, and hammers the ball into an empty net! Hints of offside there, but the referee’s not seeing it, and the substitute takes her damn time celebrating her second of the match! As things stand, United are clear! CRU 2-2 COH.
90 mins - The news falls in South Laithland, and the stadium goes quiet. They’re still in with a good chance of survival. That’s more than anyone thought they’d have. But… Coret don’t seem too interested in retaking the lead. The final whistle blows in Goodfeather, no extra time given - Nikita Loeher doesn’t like that, gets right in the referee’s face and is booked in her final match. Hey, she’d have a suspension for accumulated yellows, if it mattered.
Injury time - GOAL! In Crisisbless! The news Southrons and Quakers had been waiting for. But… alas… it is not the right team for them, all the Hawks can muster before the final whistle is a routine shot from Crowford that floats placidly into Sparwasser’s arms. The final whistle blows and the fans start to flood back onto the field, they are back and they are staying. But elsewhere across the town, there’s still more joy to be had as Isaia Urso, who else? Recently off the bench, takes a long ball from Lohengrin delicately on a raised right boot, wrongfoots a stumbling Hateley and hammers the ball past Taliadoros with her left. It is, as has been so rarely the case, Crisisbless’ year. Aidan Brosque has done what he’s come to do, and hammered a losing culture out, a culture happy with second best. Perhaps they’ve lost something of themselves in the process, that traditional appreciation for beautiful, crisp attacking football. But what they do have, what nobody can take away, is the true prize; the Premiership trophy in Urso’s hands. CRI 4-2 RVR.

PREMIERSHIP FINAL RESULTS
Sabrefell Moths 1-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Belgrave 2-2 AFC Treason
South Laithland 1-0 Vermillion Rage
North Sabrefell 4-1 Violence Chariots
Crisisbless United 2-2 Coret Hawks
North Laithland 1-1 Starling
AFC Corvistone 1-1 Creed United
Cypher Town 1-1 Newrook City
Leichhardt 1-0 Bishop
Goodfeather FC 2-1 Chenoworth Harriers
Crisisbless 4-2 Raven River
Southfell United 3-2 Brinemouth

RELEGATION / PROMOTION PLAYOFF
So the Southrons heroically won on the final day, and while that wasn’t as good as it could have been, it averted disaster. Morningstar had automatic promotion in their grasp, but let it slip in a rough draw against Chatswood. They’re well-matched opponents - both very strong, sturdy and physical sides, perhaps lacking in creative edge.

It is a terrible game, as expected. After a tortuous first half, it becomes clear that the match will go to whoever can fashion and finish the first real chance, though the Southrons twice almost took leads from shots fumbled but recovered from by Stars’ 37-year old goalkeeper, Hawthorn. But it is the Warriors who force the first chance, and it is both started and, ultimately, finished by Valeri Longship, as she rolls the ball to Coridan Ryder and then surges down the flank, powerfully, and when Vanstrattan rifles a low cross across the face of goal and de Naam blocks it, it falls to Niko Boldman who looks up and sends a ball over the top of the defence for Longship, somehow Stars’ furthest forward, to stab forcefully past Meixner at his near post. It is a cruel way for the Southrons to bow out, and the sixth straight time the First Division side has won the playoff. But it is what it is. Stars complete a remarkable turnaround within a season.

South Laithland 0-1 MORNINGSTAR

CUP FINAL
“Winning the Cup,” barks Newrook’s psychotic young manager, Andreu Bartolnicci - fresh off being handed a well-deserved Manager of the Year award for taking the Rooks to fifth, and to this final - “will confirm to the peanut gallery what we already know. This is a big, relevant club. It’s not a matter of physical size, or solely tradition - Stahlburg City are in the second tier and have never won anything, while Starling are the first Premiership club a lot of foreigners will name. No, the Rooks are big from accomplishment.”

Three minutes in, Bartolnicci has one up over his Cosumarite colleague, Lujendra Mescalin, thirty years his senior - Ville Pakkanen, so dangerous, scythes inside and sends a cutting cross that Maladict Farrell, fearless, dives his head onto and drives into the bottom corner. Farrell does, unfortunately, catch the end of Magnozzi’s boot as well, and is guided off, feebly protesting, with a concussion. But it’s that fearless spirit that has Newrook surging forward the rest of the first half, Jakob Carter doing brilliantly to save a well-angled header from Liesel Ironhewer who later drew what she felt was a penalty, off a sly boot from Brymora, that was deemed fair. But the young striker would get the last laugh, albeit in somewhat fortunate circumstances - Alessa Marconi rattled a shot against the crossbar that bounced down, into her face, and into the net.

Something had to change, and in the second half it did. Brinemouth surged forward, dominating possession the whole half, but unlike the Rooks, they struggled to get the ball on target. Soon after Conjure, free in midfield, had drawn a remarkable save from Kattner, Alan Bothroyd was taken off for a burly defensive midfielder in Ronan Fallon. Not the most popular move with the fans, and indeed it looked to have backfired just two minutes later when Jazmin Dragana’s stylish, practically decadent swipe of the outstep curled beyond Kattner, whose fingertips brush against the strike but no more. But the hard-nosed, hard-booted Rooks hold out, not quite unscathed - Coynborough is sent off after a vicious lunge on Conjure for a second yellow that could’ve been a straight red - and not without scares, as Scotti rifled a late strike against the bar from ten yards, deflected out of the way only by Zagorec’s shoulder. But come the final whistle, for all the Dockers’ complaints, the job is done. Newrook City become just the second club (after Crisisbless) to win three Cups, their second in four years. Between this and a Globe Cup position… yes, Bartolnicci is right. They have made it.

NEWROOK CITY 2-1 Brinemouth

PREMIERSHPI

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crisisbless              46  28  11   7  81  35  +46  95
  2 Sabrefell Moths          46  26  10  10  83  58  +25  88
  3 Starling                 46  25  12   9  77  46  +31  87
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       46  25  11  10  91  62  +29  86
  5 Newrook City             46  25   6  15  74  53  +21  81
  6 AFC Treason              46  24   9  13  65  46  +19  81
  7 Brinemouth               46  22  14  10  98  67  +31  80
  8 Vermillion Rage          46  22  10  14  78  54  +24  76
  9 Chenoworth Harriers      46  20  12  14  64  57   +7  72
 10 Violence Chariots        46  20   9  17  79  78   +1  69
 11 Southfell United         46  18  13  15  77  61  +16  67
 12 North Laithland          46  18  12  16  75  71   +4  66
 13 Coret Hawks              46  18  12  16  58  62   -4  66
 14 AFC Corvistone           46  19   5  22  75  77   -2  62
 15 Creed United             46  17  10  19  63  65   -2  61
 16 Cypher Town              46  13  13  20  44  60  -16  52
 17 Bishop                   46  13  11  22  51  61  -10  50
 18 Raven River              46  14   8  24  63  93  -30  50
 19 North Sabrefell          46  15   4  27  64  84  -20  49
 20 Crisisbless United       46  12   9  25  66  94  -28  45
 21 South Laithland          46  12   8  26  52  82  -30  44
 22 Goodfeather FC           46  10  11  25  48  75  -27  41
 23 Leichhardt               46  10   9  27  26  62  -36  39
 24 Belgrave                 46   6  11  29  49  98  -49  29

TOP SCORERS
28 - Hawke (SFA)
26 - Andisori (STA)
24 - Ruhl (CRI)
23 - Romano (SFM), Conte (VRR)
22 - Scotti (BRI), Êns (SFA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Estrella Hawke (SFA)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Maeve Bronte (CRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Amalie Asghar (STA)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Claudio Romano (SFM)
Team of the Year: Griffin (SFM); Corrello (TRE), Svensson (TRE), Bajnok (CRI), Lohengrin (CRI); Townsend (SFM), Coltrane (SFA), Bronte (CRI), Meier (SFM); Ruhl (CRI), Hawke (SFA) - Bench: Hesketh (NRC); Pakkanen (NRC), Loredan (STA), Armstrong (STA), Couturiaux (NRC), Êns (SFA), Andisori (STA)
Manager of the Year: Andreu Bartolnicci (NRC)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corvette Maulers          46  28  10   8  84  45  +39  94
  2 Chenoworth Rovers         46  28   7  11  72  34  +38  91
  3 Diamondqueen              46  26   7  13  75  47  +28  85
  4 Morningstar               46  25   9  12  64  37  +27  84
  5 Stahlburg City            46  23  13  10  59  31  +28  82
  6 Parrhesia United          46  21  15  10  76  57  +19  78
  7 Brookford Otters          46  21  12  13  76  51  +25  75
  8 Chatswood                 46  19  18   9  53  37  +16  75
  9 Cranequin Wanderers       46  19  12  15  53  45   +8  69
 10 Stahlburg Rovers          46  19  10  17  55  57   -2  67
 11 AFC Serpentine            46  18  10  18  56  60   -4  64
 12 Vermillion Wanderers      46  17  11  18  60  63   -3  62
 13 Iron City                 46  16  13  17  38  44   -6  61
 14 West Brinemouth           46  15  10  21  44  52   -8  55
 15 Cranequin City            46  15  10  21  42  53  -11  55
 16 Greygate                  46  16   7  23  49  64  -15  55
 17 Hackett                   46  14  11  21  43  58  -15  53
 18 Coret Rovers              46  13  11  22  60  78  -18  50
 19 Armstrong                 46  13   9  24  48  66  -18  48
 20 Extreme Hills             46  12  12  22  60  80  -20  48
 21 Gonen's Bridge            46  10  15  21  37  56  -19  45
 22 Locksley                  46  11  12  23  44  73  -29  45
 23 Stonegrave                46  11  10  25  32  63  -31  43
 24 Sheridan                  46   7  16  23  19  48  -29  37

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Fiona Norval (CVM)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Fiona Norval (CVM)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Valeri Longship (MRN)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Abigail Teris (PAR)
Team of the Year: Aleksovic (CHT); Siegrist (BRO), Ynoa (MOR), Hartley (DMQ), Laslow (CHR); Teris (PAR), Coleman (CVM), Weber (DMQ), Voegel (SBC); Shi (SBC), Norval (CVM)
Manager of the Year: Daniella Strauss (CVM)

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Ritter Town                  46  27  10   9  83  38  +45  91
  2 Mantlegrove                  46  25  10  11  69  47  +22  85
  3 The Strongest                46  22  15   9  82  57  +25  81
  4 Crisisbless Athletic         46  22  15   9  70  46  +24  81
  5 Peregrine                    46  22  10  14  81  65  +16  76
  6 Rochford                     46  20  14  12  59  44  +15  74
  7 Pillars of Southfell         46  18  15  13  42  33   +9  69
  8 Crossroads Town              46  19  11  16  81  64  +17  68
  9 Chardonnay Rangers           46  20   8  18  68  51  +17  68
 10 Lazuli Diamonds              46  16  18  12  67  52  +15  66
 11 Ballardine FC                46  18  10  18  52  62  -10  64
 12 AFC Shale                    46  14  20  12  40  39   +1  62
 13 The Hanged Man               46  14  19  13  37  40   -3  61
 14 Riverkey                     46  14  19  13  37  40   -3  61
 15 East Laithland Harriers      46  16  13  17  56  60   -4  61
 16 Ox River United              46  15  13  18  42  55  -13  58
 17 Corinthians No Longer        46  13  17  16  56  62   -6  56
 18 Iron United                  46  14  13  19  49  60  -11  55
 19 Southriver                   46  15   7  24  57  71  -14  52
 20 Dartmouth Terriers           46  11  18  17  44  55  -11  51
 21 Falston United               46  12  10  24  45  73  -28  46
 22 Strephonage                  46  10  12  24  32  61  -29  42
 23 Brindleton                   46   8  17  21  41  70  -29  41
 24 Sutcroft                     46   4  12  30  34  79  -45  24

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Alliance Barossia      46  33   6   7  77  25  +52  105
  2 Barossia United        46  26  10  10  74  37  +37   88
  3 West Hook              46  24  12  10  66  42  +24   84
  4 Kommissar              46  22  17   7  78  48  +30   83
  5 Boltcroft Thorns       46  23  11  12  74  44  +30   80
  6 Martella Jazz          46  20  12  14  73  70   +3   72
  7 Kensey Town            46  19  13  14  83  69  +14   70
  8 Aries Solitaire        46  17  17  12  78  64  +14   68
  9 Brunyard FC            46  18  11  17  62  69   -7   65
 10 Falston Town           46  18   9  19  75  72   +3   63
 11 Downsparrow            46  17  12  17  81  80   +1   63
 12 Hartford Glade         46  17  11  18  56  66  -10   62
 13 Brokenarch             46  15  15  16  58  69  -11   60
 14 Gosmouth Swans         46  17   8  21  60  61   -1   59
 15 Long Lake              46  15  13  18  51  53   -2   58
 16 Sutcroft Athletic      46  16   9  21  58  72  -14   57
 17 South Parrhesia        46  15  11  20  58  71  -13   56
 18 Mapleford              46  13  15  18  49  64  -15   54
 19 Ingram Township        46  12  15  19  42  61  -19   51
 20 Sirencall FC           46  14   8  24  61  72  -11   50
 21 Boleyn Town            46  12  10  24  30  55  -25   46
 22 Pravenna Saints        46  11  12  23  33  53  -20   45
 23 Rushe United           46  12   6  28  65  93  -28   42
 24 Gridlock               46   9  11  26  28  60  -32   38

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Fully Sick XI           38  23  10   5  74  36  +38  79
  2 Fischer                 38  21  11   6  59  35  +24  74
  3 FC Seierstad            38  20  11   7  70  45  +25  71
  4 Iberia Chenoworth       38  19   6  13  77  56  +21  63
  5 Grovebank               38  17  11  10  57  42  +15  62
  6 Lockheed Zenith         38  18   8  12  54  45   +9  62
  7 Ringway                 38  18   5  15  48  45   +3  59
  8 Harrington              38  16   9  13  55  51   +4  57
  9 Crownsend Journey       38  14  14  10  60  45  +15  56
 10 Stonesthrow Town        38  15   7  16  41  46   -5  52
 11 Courser                 38  14   9  15  55  50   +5  51
 12 Dross Rovers            38  12  10  16  37  40   -3  46
 13 AFC Hellerine           38  11  13  14  38  50  -12  46
 14 Sleetwell Rangers       38  11  12  15  45  59  -14  45
 15 Capricopia Rangers      38  11   9  18  50  59   -9  42
 16 Fenland Albion          38  11   9  18  36  51  -15  42
 17 Swag Hill Rovers        38   9  10  19  33  61  -28  37
 18 Aspen Grove             38   9   9  20  44  66  -22  36
 19 Coleman Ridge           38   8   9  21  39  64  -25  33
 20 AFC Brackwold           38   7  10  21  32  58  -26  31
Promoted: Riverkey Shells, Chenoworth Teutons

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bodkin Road               38  26   8   4  70  27  +43  86
  2 Autumnstone               38  27   4   7  84  38  +46  85
  3 Rochford Pilgrims         38  24   8   6  70  41  +29  80
  4 South Brill               38  23   9   6  70  35  +35  78
  5 Brookford Vantablack      38  18   8  12  69  50  +19  62
  6 The Travellers FC         38  14  14  10  66  59   +7  56
  7 Stamper Road              38  16   7  15  46  44   +2  55
  8 Constance Park            38  14  11  13  33  33   +0  53
  9 Coral Bay                 38  14   7  17  63  72   -9  49
 10 Rookwall                  38  13   9  16  61  60   +1  48
 11 Corvistone City           38  11  14  13  45  41   +4  47
 12 AFC Burchess              38  13   8  17  41  47   -6  47
 13 Rhyburn Swifts            38  13   8  17  53  64  -11  47
 14 AFC Volksgarten           38  13   8  17  36  49  -13  47
 15 Brookway Town             38  11  12  15  46  47   -1  45
 16 Twelvetrees               38  11   8  19  28  41  -13  41
 17 Blaze                     38   8  10  20  49  73  -24  34
 18 Corby Hubris              38   7  11  20  38  71  -33  32
 19 Mainstream Fist           38   6  12  20  41  72  -31  30
 20 Gridlock Rovers           38   5  10  23  22  67  -45  25
Promoted: Caldwick Strand, Cranequin Souths

by **Nephara** » Thu Nov 15, 2018 6:08 pm

Season 72 Preview

by **Nephara** » Wed Nov 21, 2018 2:54 pm

by **Nephara** » Sat Dec 01, 2018 3:27 pm

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 03, 2018 4:49 pm

First Division Preview

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 03, 2018 4:49 pm

Lower Down the Pyramid

Second Division
Rochford remain the favourites for promotion despite repeated self-sabotage and the loss of star defender Hector Reiss - indeed, most of their old First Division side has gone by now, along with a sheaf of managers. But they boast a potent forward line, bolstered by hot Pasargan prospect Kitti Szegedy (on loan from Ponyville), an excellent midfield newly spearheaded by Treason youth product Minka Forrest, and a resilient back line. Gonen's Bridge have recovered best of the relegated sides, the retained strike partnership of Spinnett and Sol ready to dominate at this level, while Chardonnay and Pillars have consolidated well. Newly-promoted Alliance Barossia are (admittedly remote) dark horses for promotion. West Hook and Kommissar will be in a fight not to go straight back down, while Ox River still don't have the quality on paper despite a couple seasons of strong overachievement.

Third Division
Aries Solitaire, Boltcroft Thorns and Gosmouth Swans, all clubs who have only fairly recently made their debuts into the professional game, are the standout favourites for promotion, all playing a more or less expansive style of football with youngish sides. Autumnstone, playing their first professional season, are dark horses. Behind them jostling for pole position are the same staid names as always - the Falston sides of the Ceyne Isles, relegated Strephonage and Brindleton. Fischer and yo-yo side Bodkin Road look the least-prepared of the newly-promoted teams, but it's always very even at the bottom.

by **Nephara** » Sun Dec 09, 2018 4:56 pm

Welcome back to the Premiership, Corvette! The sexiest story with which to open the season? Perhaps not. After all, the Rovers also return, and go toe-to-toe with Treason away. Roddy Fraser forces no less than six saves from Iona Britton, but nobody else can even seem to get that far, and when veteran forward Nega Bazin proves more clinical at the other end, it felt written in the stars. Diamondqueen were similarly resolute in their return, the Moths failing to rack up the goals to match their advantage, enabling one beautifully-lofted long pass from Carina Taheri to find Sett Horn, who took the ball down with one touch and blasted it past Griffin with the second. Morningstar showed spirit as well, scoring first and last against Athletic - shame about the four they conceded in the middle, but at least Tsiavis is picking up where he left off, and Ana Kuijer had an excellent showing. Or one could look at Aries Chariots’ debut under that name, hosting the Bohemians across town and being found wanting, looking disjointed and low on chemistry and picked apart by set pieces. But really, it’s Corvette, because they come in against Vermillion and credit to them, they die standing, abiding by Strauss’ principles of steady passing football to the end. And get gubbed on the counter, repeatedly, in a ruthless 8-1 win. Michael Lin makes just one save, and frankly there wasn’t much more he could’ve done given how constantly exposed he was. Conte comes off with a standing ovation after a hat-trick.

Normally, when you put two past Cypher in the first half and extend your lead to three before the hour, you can be fairly confident you’ve beaten them. Especially when you’re mighty Starling, eager to flex a more solid new formation and the signing of Christian Berg. Well, they put their foot off the accelerator somewhat and let Cypher into the game, Ferryman lashing in a deflected but crisp strike from outside the box that span past a wrong-footed Smordal, Voeller thinking quickly to jink past three Passerines before playing through the burly Tihamer, who took full advantage, and while Hertzka blundered into Andisori to give away a penalty at the other end, Ruo helped it onto the bar. The scoring ended there, but Starling can consider themselves lucky. Brinemouth’s hotly-anticipated big guns click into gear against Bishop. Kuznetsov bulldozes a cross from Deventer with his chest before hammering it past Bishop goalkeeper Krieven with just two minutes played, but Bishop strike back in the 8th with their first shot of the game, Feisser with a lethal inswinging free kick that their playmaker, Ulrica Rannon, gets on the end of to nod home. No matter; that only makes the Dockers angry. Kuznetsov hits a post, Krieven’s forced to save sharply from Conjure and Saitou before the second-half breakthrough - Kuznetsov gets his brace, bursting past the Bishop defence in possession and forcing the ball past Krieven one-on-one, before securing a rather dubious hat-trick when Dragana cuts inside and fires, Krieven gets hands to it but can’t stop it trickling inexorably towards the net, and the Audioslav sprints like hell to get to it before it crosses the line, hammering it into the empty net. Oh, Desya. Coret, meanwhile, are two draws for two, but this match did, at least, herald the first of what they hope to be a lethal combination - a low, sharp cross onto the toe of veteran striker Penumbra Amokachi, and from there into the net. Issue was, it was inches offside, but still.

Of all the promoted sides, it’s fair to say the still-unbeaten Rovers have fared the best so far. They take the lead early against Sabrefell Athletic, Misha Paterson with a thunderous low strike from well outside the box after Rowell’s cross bounced off Farina’s shin, and defend it viciously. Svenskah heads off after two cautions just after the hour, and the hot-headed Ender Fife follows after a scything challenge to bring down Ojala, before Laslow gives away a penalty for handball. Harper rails against the referee, and is perhaps lucky not to be sent to the stands herself. Coltrane converts it smoothly, but it’s the only goal Athletic can get in a match where Iona Britton is yet again outstanding. Similarly, Corvette have been very clearly the worst, though at least a 2-0 defeat to Diamondqueen means they’re ‘improving’ match-by-match. Treason have been out of sorts so far this season, but they pick up the points in a convincing win over fierce rivals North Laithland, as homegrown Stag Aristide Metzger ingratiates himself to his club by coming off the bench in the 71st minute, scoring in the 78th, and celebrating by ripping the head off North Laithland’s terrified mascot and hurling it into the stands. Crisisbless drop their first points and concede their first goal to Coret Hawks, not to Amokachi but to her rather plainer strike partner, Henderson, while Newrook City pulverise River 5-0 in a game where Jezdimir Ocokoljic gets two goals, two assists and two yellow cards to cap off a memorable night.

Corvette have been pretty dreadful across their first three matches, scoring once and conceding thirteen goals. So it’s a surprise that they choose the visit of Sabrefell Athletic to mount their recovery, and it’s already clear to see the changes they’ve made - a little more urgency in their play, more focus on releasing Sascha Dimitrius, who rewards them with a slickly taken brace. It’s not perfect, of course - Gerwyn Clarke’s slack backpass is seized on by Ens and passed along for Uzunlar to stab home past an incandescent Lin, but it’s an improvement. Crisisbless are poor against Vermillion, or perhaps simply not allowed to be themselves - they stay in their shells, barely troubling Ramelow in the Rage goal all day, before Cheney Breremond crashes onto the end of Aysu Damjana’s throw to glance the ball past a stranded Na’Kefir. Aidan Brosque looks unamused. The Chariots are steadily recovering from a slow start, simply too intense and direct for Southfell to deal with, and Isla Safarova looks happy as a goddamn clam as her side batters their opponents. Rowena Sierra thrives played as a striker, even without scoring - she’s instrumental in three goals, laying off for Lazarou’s strike, forcing a save from Aldous that Kaelin follows through, and breaking free to make space for Riske to hit home the Chariots’ fourth.

The first real blockbuster clash of the season sees the Moths host Crisisbless. So far, when Crisisbless have scored, they’ve won, so it’s a good omen when it takes just 13 minutes to open the scoring, Staunton’s lethal diagonal cross not quite reached by a diving header from Ruhl but managing to find Brigitte Coppinger sliding in at the far post, glancing in off her knee. The Moths dominate the ball, but can’t find a finishing touch, thanks in no small part to the excellence of Na’Kefir in goal. Across town, Athletic lose again, the formula still not quite right as they lose the midfield battle to North Sabrefell. Goals from Kranevitter and Montag secure it, though credit is owed to the selfless hold-up play of Wolff. Not just a goalscorer, it’s sometimes forgotten. Starling don’t learn their lesson from Cypher earlier. Yet again, they’re lucky not to be punished as Bishop work down their three-goal margin to one, and they’re indebted for Sean Smordal for coming out flying as Penbrooke got played by the last man by Rannon. Smordal sprinted out, and actually cleared out of the box entirely to sweep up a slightly heavy touch from Penbrooke, hoofing it into the aether. Chenoworth Rovers lose for the first time this season, though they’ll point to the third penalty given against them so far, a contentious decision after Fife nicked Spiders winger Pell. But Nepharim don’t go down easy, right? Han, on the other wing, is booked for diving in the 83rd minute, but it doesn’t stop her stabbing home the winner after a goalmouth scramble two minutes later.

North Sabrefell keep up their good form by coming to the Spiders on a warm, dry day and playing some great football along the short grass. North Laithland can’t do much to stop them, and seem to give up even trying, much to the exasperation of Leo Santander on the touchline. The first half is goalless by some miracle, but in the second, the floodgates open. Wolff gets a brace, sandwiching goals from Roxel and the overlapping leftback Karagounis, rewarded for gambling on a strike that rebounded off the post. Chenoworth Harriers smash Vermillion 5-1, their fiery Euran forward Tom Whittaker winning few friends when he follows up his brace by taking to Twitter and declaring the Premiership a ‘piece of piss’ - rich, considering they’re his first goals of the season - and Corvistone batter Corvette by the same scoreline, Kathryn Kvanderwyk somewhat more circumspect after a well-taken brace of her own. The main event of theround, however, sees Brinemouth host the Moths, a match which promises goals and does at least somewhat deliver. Solara Vol gets things going three minutes in, lunging in studs up on Aedelbrandt’s low cross to bundle it home, nearly decapitating Ryan Bull in the process - perhaps as a result, Bull dithers on his line rather than challenge Vol at a high ball not long after, which Vol is free to nod down for Romano to hammer past him. The pressure is relentless, Shone and Serra snapping into tackles, and Vol has a second ruled off for offside. Half-time can’t come soon enough for Brinemouth, and the second half is calmer, with Conjure’s vicious swerving free kick past Griffin the main highlight. But that’s all they can manage, with Desya Kuznetsov spending the game in Brix Hamilton’s pocket - one way to ingratiate the former-Athletic-player-in-denial to her new home fans.

Dockers fans are left, not for the first time, to curse the name of Karel Jonason. The Brinemouth local wasn’t an especially good goalkeeper in their colours, which is part of why he’s in Diamondqueen colours these days, just in time to chalk up eleven saves against the Dockers. Tana Colbright - a former Brinemouth goalkeeper herself - switches her Diamonds into a more defensive 4-5-1. Mostly, Premiership sides tend to try and play their own game rather than buckle down defensively, but cowardice works in this instance, albeit with a healthy serving of luck and Desya Kuznetsov’s 62nd-minute decision to nut Leander Frantisek out of frustration at yet another rotated tactical foul. Treason suffer a still more damaging result, Cheney Bittencourt left to fret and chew his knuckles on the touchline. Winless Bishop strike early, Faiza Huyton breaking into the box at breakneck pace before finding Ulrica Rannon with a cutback, the former Quaker rifling home. Treason take command after that, but can’t push past a well-drilled Bishop back line, shots from distance mostly dealt with by Krieven until he lets a low strike with a vicious swerve from Lorelei Neptune spill agonisingly past. And then Rian Corrello gets two cautions in the space of five minutes, just before half-time. Bittencourt looks faintly dead-eyed on the touchline, and in the second half, an energetic Bishop take and hold a lead when Alyss Driver sets up opportunistic young substitute Vorster for the winner. Nick Feeney instantly wins the hearts of Hawks fans when his Coret side wind up 5 - yes, FIVE - 5-0 up against Starling after an hour. Penumbra Amokachi got her glory applause substitution after a 55-minute hat-trick. The Hawks can’t resist resting a little on their laurels; Dostalok, Corvalan and Stroud pull back goals, but before there can be any serious nerves, Atalanta Skapetis scores the pick of the bunch with a lung-busting run down into the Passerines’ heart and an outside-of-the-boot finish past Smordal. Vermillion’s 3-0 pasting at the hands of Newrook City deserves a mention, but on a week like this, what else can it get?

It’s Crisisbless derby time! It’s one of those derbies where the form book doesn’t quite go out the window, given that one side is starting ten capped internationals with another three on the bench and the other side is starting Bastian Salz. United start gamely, Asha Solbachen getting plenty of the play, Sigrun Rivers probing the Crisisbless line with some dangerous runs, but it’s all too predictable that Crisisbless score with their first real chance, a sequence of four inch-perfect passes starting from Bajnok and culminating in Coppinger side-footing it into the net. Brinemouth’s attacking drive and directness unravel Corvette for a thumping 5-0 scoreline, with vibrant teenage striker Zara Cormann netting her first for the Dockers, lofting a loose bouncing ball over the head of the stranded Lin. Meanwhile, ominous signs for some near the bottom; Bishop and Morningstar, one win apiece, play out a 1-1 draw that would look perfectly at home in the second tier, while Chenoworth Harriers score twice in the first half through the winger Crowther, while facing very little threat from their former midfielder, Diamondqueen talisman Weber, who has just failed to produce any real moments of magic so far this season. She’s… well… 33. It might just be catching up with her, and when she’s taken off at the 58-minute mark for young Minka Bronson, she just looks resigned. Bronson can’t lead a comeback, and the Harriers close out their win.

It’s a terrible day to live in Crisisbless, and it’s hard to say who has it worse. Would you rather support the red and black of United, brutalised 7-0 on home soil by the Dockers, players barely so much as laying a glove on superior opposition who zip the ball around the place and finish with supreme confidence, Desya Kuznetsov teabagging a collapsed, crestfallen, mostly blameless Reinhard Meixner after the final whistle? Or would you rather be one of their cousins in white and blue, travelling to the capital in expectation of victory and instead being on the receiving end of a Krista Morham masterclass, ably assisted by goals in the 1st and 91st minutes from Kathryn Kvanderwyk to book-end a 4-1 win? When Maeve Bronte, maybe the league’s most reliable player, is hooked at half-time, something is terribly wrong. Elsewhere, Morningstar again don’t do a whole lot to strengthen their case as a Premiership side; Creed, on the other hand, do, utterly dominant in a 3-0 away thrashing of them. Their control is so complete that Menelaus Theoharous actually opens the scoring, striding onto a rebounding save off a Corvell strike, and Corvell and Barbarouses would triple that lead in the second half. Matraxis, at the other end, was left basically unchallenged… besides physically, of course. Starling outplay the Moths, but lack that finishing touch in front of goal - meanwhile, at the other end, Sigrid Eisenhauer comes off the bench, sprints onto the end of Townsend’s long diagonal ball and strokes it past Smordal with her first touch.

Hadrian Belfast figures he’s doing pretty well with Corvistone. They’ve won four of their last five, the only blemish at the hands of Athletic, and risky key signings in Beretti and Eriksen look to have bedded in perfectly. Anyway, they go to Brinemouth, who wipe the floor with them. Sure, Belfast’s quick to say post-game, they’re missing Ilyana Brosch through injury - in her absence, the luckless veteran, Gerrit Tatu, gives two penalties away. But could it really have made anywhere near enough difference, when Brinemouth stroke the ball almost smugly across the ground from player to player, two early strikes from Tidesson and (penalty 1) Conjure before the false dawn of the Crows pulling back a goal through Chibuzo Afolayan’s low skimmer from just outside the box. It’s to no avail. They lose 8-1. Vermillion’s sixth defeat in a row is the most damaging of the lot. In truth, both Vermillion and Treason likely thought the other was ripe for the taking, but in practice, Treason’s pace and directness are just the right ingredients to unsettle the Rage, and they chalk up a convincing 5-0 win. Four come in the first half; the second’s a stroll that sees a senior debut off the bench for Machua Cronin, who promptly lays off an assist for Roddy Fraser to flick into the net for the fifth. Quote of the week: Creed United boss Hestia Canaan, responding to accusations her Oathmen beat Chenoworth Rovers ‘against the run of play’, with a ‘lick of fortune’. “There is no ‘deserved’ to win,” she retorts. “Nothing like that. We won because we did.” Well, alright, then.

In good form domestically, the Moths pick up where they left off with a convincing 2-0 win over Nacional. The Valladars aren’t unsettled by the Moths’ physicality, but find themselves undone by pace and desire instead. Solara Vol crashes past through defenders to head home the opener off Aedelbrandt’s cross, through sheer force of will, while young Tawny Shone caps off a convincing showing with a low, flashing strike that finds the bottom corner from the edge of the box. Meanwhile, in Group F - a real group of death in the Champions Cup this season - Crisisbless pick up a valuable, valuable win. Amethyst Fegelein’s side come at Crisisbless with the confidence befitting their personnel, fellow Nepharim Rusalka Klein running the show in midfield and, in the 13th minute, janking past Bronte and Snowe before lashing a strike into the top corner. But then it was time for the Nepharim side’s Cosumarites to strut their stuff - Hannah Alcouin denied by a stunning save from Na’Kefir, who dove low and flicked his wrist powerfully to keep it out, before a quick brace from Airik Ruhl at the other end. Crisisbless defended staunchly, but Crawford got an equaliser they warranted from the unlikely source of the rightback Modrich, played in by impact sub Coultan and rattling a striker’s finish in off the post, but then Leona Rafford at the other end sets up impact substitute Beruka Danning to beat the offside trap and tip home her first goal in senior football, at a perfect time.

Crisisbless limp into their stadium on the back of consecutive defeats - Brinemouth go to meet them on a run of 20 goals scored and one conceded from their last three games. Aidan Brosque can be forgiven for, in his words, ‘respecting the point’, even if it doesn’t go down too well with Crisisbless fans. It doesn’t work, either; Iori Saitou’s sometimes gone overlooked in this Brinemouth side, but when Jazmin Dragana plays him in towards goal there was still a lot to do before his step-overs wrong-footed Gandhi, before jinking outside him, cutting drastically inside the sliding Molovi and stabbing it neatly into the bottom corner a split second before Na’Kefir barreled into him. The Heelers fight back, and hard, especially in a frantic 20-minute spell in the second half, and Brinemouth’s indebted to Ryan Bull for tipping Jevdjevic-Hadsic’s thundering strike onto the crossbar, where it made a loud WHACK the microphones picked up. But it’s to no avail, and the Dockers take another win. They look unstoppable. Hadrian Belfast decided to ‘rest’ goalkeeper Maria Kovacic, following her conceding eight goals in a game, and backup Seth Veloz rewards Belfast’s loyalty by, well, being very clearly 34 years old, racing out of his box at roughly the speed of suet to fail to cut out a pass from Rexmont to Whittaker that really had no business making it all the way. That levels the scores; then Calcipher Heston walks after putting a hand on Tom Whittaker’s throat, before the smug forward goes for goal himself when he should just centre for Sanna and… hits the side netting. Unimpressed, Sedder pulls him - Whittaker throws a strop in the stands, but Catheline Stensholt’s second goal for the Harriers is hit sweetly from just outside the box to leave Veloz without a chance. The Moths ensure the Stags can’t rest on their laurel, though Treason edge the first half and get their reward from Lorelei Neptune; the second half, however, is the Imriel Townsend show, as she dominates the offensively-sound but defensively vulnerable leftback Bayliss and chalks up a goal for herself and assists for Serra and Romano.

While most foreign viewers could name maybe three, four of the sides in the early rounds, there’s still a few of these that will get hits on the NFA YouTube channel. Most obvious is Fully Sick XI’s thriller against Blaze, a 5-1 lead being cut to 5-4 before in the last half-hour Blaze have their rightback, Lowry, sent off for a head-butt - the XI capitalise to round off an 8-4 scoreline. But they don’t manage the most goals of the week, an honour that goes to middling fourth-tier Brokenarch, who visit Brookford Vantablack - at the top of the Conference East - and take them to the bloody cleaners, thrashing them 9-0. Rushe United, of the First Division in recent memory, have had an ego-bruising few years, but getting caned 7-1 by a Falston United side in similarly lean circumstances can’t have helped their mood much. Iberia Chenoworth, meanwhile, are true to form. They, of course, hold the record Cup defeat (13-0 to the Otters), and it is perhaps on brand that they get hammered 5-0 by South Parrhesia on home soil.

Sabrefell Athletic are the next to face Brinemouth and, credit where it’s due, they do in fact hold up. They press high, look to force Brinemouth into a few errors, and they find joy when Marcin Close, rushed down by the eager Meisler, rushes a poor pass to Windtide and only finds fellow Nephara international Estrella Hawke, before falling over. Hawke looks to consider the shot before thinking better of it, and cutting back for Ens to finish it. Athletic stay on top for the first half, and Ryan Bull’s called into action to repel strikes from Ojala and Hawke, and it takes a brilliant last-ditch tackle from Windtide to stop Ens notching up a brace - seemingly through on goal. The pressure lets up a little in the second half before Athletic tire, and gaps start to appear… and immediately get filled by the marquee men. Bryger Tidesson races past Jaentti, plays a luscious one-two with Conjure and rifles home across Gautier, before 20-year old prospect Morena Deventer shuttles down the lett wing, cuts inside before casually nutmegging the pursuing Fox. The ball comes to Kuznetsov, who makes no mistake, powering home. Brinemouth are first. They have scored over forty goals. The Moths play badly against Morningstar with a heavily-rotated side, perhaps overly so. They get over the line in the end, though, a brilliant first league start from Swansea Reach (backed up by the muscle of experienced Deandre James) orchestrating a 2-1 win that sees them to second; they haven’t flown high this season, just gotten the job done, consistently. Starling stumble to a scoreless draw against Crisisbless United, then Athletic round out the top four. North Sabrefell and the Chariots draw as well, but stand fifth and sixth, with Crisisbless a further place behind, the Rovers doing exceptionally to be a place above the Harriers in 8th and Newrook, Coret and Treason all adrift.

As for those at the wrong end of the table, Vermillion somehow find themselves in 18th with less than a point a game. They’ve actually scored more than the Moths in second, but their defence looks. Terrible. Crisisbless United are struggling to find the back of the net, with Novkovic on the left wing looking particularly ineffective, and Kaija Koppel (one start, five subs, two goals) is actually outscoring Lennox (eleven starts, one goal). Corvette’s struggles at either end of the pitch are perhaps unsurprising, but still disappointing. Still, there’s shoots of life - the scoreless draw against the Chariots, as well as seeing the breakthrough of 23-year old centre-half Garrick Fraser, ensures they’ve only conceded three goals a game now! Cypher Town pick themselves up off the bottom of the table with a 1-0 win over a Bishop side that dominate the ball but never really look to threaten the Eagles’ back. Cypher have struggled mightily to gel this season, and Rivka Keaton’s under some pressure, but she can breathe a sigh of relief when McCosgraigh masterfully disguises a pass to Olivia Nygard that the Vanorian nutmegs Krieven with. Bishop find themselves leapfrogged, the best of three sides on just six points. Ulrica Rannon, who everyone said would fail, has actually looked really good, but heroes of last season like Canady, Feisser and Penbrooke have all fallen silent. Things look grim at the bottom for Diamondqueen, winless in nine with only a goal every other game, and Morningstar, winless in eight with 30 goals conceded already, but either could turn things around still.

Good UICA results continue! At this rate, the Premiership might regain top billing worldwide, were the ‘other’ (Vanorian) Premiership not practically guaranteed that berth. Qastyr should feel no shame about going down, though, putting up a valiant fight against the Moths. Unlike Nacional, however, they were unsettled by Nepharim physicality, and couldn’t get near Solara Vol as the captain rose for yet another Aedelbrandt cross to nod it past the keeper; however, they levelled the scores on the verge of half-time, Forzu-Ralox cutting viciously across Theresa Desantis (who, undignified, slipped on the turf) before firing home. But the Moths dominated the second half, and Serra’s winner, chested and thumped home as he ran into the box, was well-deserved. Fewer dramas still for the Heelers, who signed and sealed a comfortable 3-0 win over Zwangzug outfit Keppal.

by **Nephara** » Sun Dec 09, 2018 4:57 pm

Matchday 1: Ominous early signs for Greygate and Hackett, and perhaps for the league in general judging by the way the former are taken apart 5-1 by a Cranequin Wanderers side that just has too much skill. The latter are pummeled 5-0 at home by Ritter Town, Arista Tzorvas marking her first start at this level with a hat-trick. None of the relegated sides win, and only Goodfeather even score - and that, through Gabriel Prosper's header, against lowly Extreme Hills.

Matchday 2: Coret Rovers live in exciting times, with their second straight six-goal game. They were able to beat the Strongest last time - this time, they claw their way back from 3-1 down to draw Ritter Town, and have a creditable penalty shout turned down. Tzorvas nets one the other end, leading the early scoring charts. Stahlburg City batter a toothless Belgrave, unable to carve open the Smiths' disciplined defence, while the Ford-inspired Cranequin Wanderers dominate Parrhesia in a clear show of intent.

Matchday 3: A first sign of mortality from Cranequin Wanderers, unable to penetrate a disciplined defence from Stahlburg Rovers. Drusilla Moxey scores the game's only goal, striding seamlessly onto the end of a clearing header from Seizter and coolly volleying it low into the ground, then the net. An early red for Florian Schneider unsettles Goodfeather FC, but they're made to look thoroughly second-best by Stahlburg City's directness and physicality. South Laithland also go down to ten, on the hour mark, while defending a one-goal lead over a toothless Hackett side - by the final whistle, they've turned 2-1 into 4-1, homegrown young talents Jurman and Lazaridis with crisp finishes.

Matchday 4: Four times do Extreme Hills take the lead; four times they are pegged back by Iron City, through Ida Preussler, Cheney Corder, Preussler again and Own Goal. Perhaps it shows Hills' teeth, perhaps more likely their fragility. Iron City have some questions to ask of their back line, too, but their resilience and Preussler's class are the story. Kaj Aurora's Parrhesia finally click into gear, simply overrunning Chatswood in a 4-1 hammering that brutally exposes the Woodsmen's shortcomings. Ilsander and Karling are utterly dominated by the Saints' brilliant wingers, Barota and Teris, and the defence unravels from there.

Matchday 5: 11 away sides this week combined for four goals. The 12th, Cranequin Wanderers, managed 8 on their own. Extreme Hills fight back as best they can up front - in fact, after going down 3-0 in the first 15 minutes, they actually claw their way back some way. Garrido's neat cushioned header and Sheila Maher's looping free kick manage to get their foot in the door, but it's slammed in their faces regardless when Portia Taani's towering header restores a two-goal advantage on the strike of half-time, and the demoralised Hounds are smashed for another four in the second half; this time, without reply. Three newly-promoted sides host three newly-relegated ones;

Matchday 6: The Hounds, trashed 8-2 on home soil last week, are now battered 7-0 by the Otters in another brutal evisceration. Dejana Petersen is the inspiration behind it, with a hat-trick and an assist for Prentice by the time she's hooked at the 67-minute mark. She deserves her standing ovation, and looks a class above the league, but the Otters have also benefited from young Claudia Bohr's excellence at the back. Meanwhile, things look really worrying for the Dragons. As Chatswood easily beat them 2-0 away as Konstanze Luitgard is consistently left in far too much space - she had a brace, could've had four or five - they haven't scored in three games, and still, shockingly, are yet to pick up their first point of the season. Hackett, by contrast, pick up their third straight win-and-clean-sheet, and over another strong side at that. Last week it was Parrhesia, now a brace from the unlikely Sara Penford sees them past a Stahlburg Rovers side that is denied time and again by last-ditch defending and the sharpness of Samara in goal.

Matchday 7: Parrhesia face another damaging result, sleeping at the blocks as the Strongest piledrive through them. Vauxhall Hayne is a force at this level, and in Csonka, there's a forward who can reliably find him - between a thumping strike from Hayne and a tidy finish from Daniel Zihark enabled by a bit of trickery, the Strongest find themselves 2-0 up within ten minutes. Parrhesia fight back, but not enough, and Pfenning caps off a 3-2 win - salvaged by some sharp work from Rook Gilzean. Armstrong and Brookford exchange a thriller by the same scoreline, this time the Otters getting the odd goal in five; luckless Armstrong suffer a red card for Fenwick, and then concede a crucial own goal from centre-half Gary Boatman, but they acquit themselves well. Serpentine finally pick up their first points of the season, the steady veteran Ashley Keoman's goal taking them past Hackett. In their own goal, Marietta Briggs has already wrested the starting berth back off Searle, and proves her merit by saving Hackett's penalty when Margate puts it too close to the middle and the rangy stopper beats it away.

Matchday 8: Extreme Hills cling to life against Hackett. They've unsurprisingly switched out a lot of their defence, and rightback Fiete Kinnett - a beneficiary of the reshuffle - actually gets the first goal with a floating cross that catches in the wind and lofts over a flapping Samara. More conventionally, Olivia Sigournay finds the net from the edge of the box to seal a 2-0 win - Kinnett's also invaluable at the other end, keeping danger man Varga Neury in his pocket. West Brinemouth take an early lead over Goodfeather, but find themselves a man down after Cheney Gestede's intriguing decision to grind his heel into a stricken Florian Schneider's groin, and headbutt Radek Weiss when he comes over to complain. Gestede's explanation? "Schneider vexed me." Goodfeather do strike back through Wynona Short and Gabriel Prosper, and the unfortunate Corona Sharpe hits a post and gets two goals chalked off - one for offside, one for a handball by Short in the buildup.

Matchday 9: Most eyes this matchday are probably on a highly-anticipated clash between Stahlburg City and Chatswood, but strangely enough the two very physical, direct, defensive sides play out a 1-0 win for the Smiths through Isabella Shi's admittedly impressive thunderstrike. Better instead to view any of three 3-2 thrillers, the most fun of which was probably Ritter's foiled comeback against Stahlburg Rovers. The Rovers went two up, then missed a penalty; the Stallions pulled two back, including a penalty from Fenchel, before Fenchel's second penalty was saved by the rangy Stefan Bolander, who later came up with the winning assist for Apo Kaskanis, bursting through the middle to latch onto Bolander's goalkick, practically throwing Bismarck to the ground en route to threading the winner past St. Preux's near post. If that's not enough, two 6-1 away wins took place; Mantlegrove were dismantlegroved by Cranequin Wanderers, inspired by the fearless winger Vahid Kudelka (they look terrifying this season) while Leichhardt are already showing signs of disrepair under Bruno Hawke, as Kaj Aurora's Saints (also shaky! But having far more fun in the process) take them to the cleaners, Ann Reus belatedly finding her finishing touch with goals two through four of the season and even veteran anchor Catrine Kisel, of all people, getting on the scoresheet.

Matchday 10: Greygate pick up their first win of the season, over Vermillion. Yes, it's taken this long. Their transfer business has looked like a bust, Karena Braham is past it, and Lalonde still looks a year off being it, and really it's Anders Rowett between the posts who keeps them in the game before hulking defender Rostyn Malick, from Braham corner's, abruptly wins it for them. Iron City get yet another strike through Ida Preussler, who is actually equal top scorer in the league with eight goals when she puts a tidy finishing touch on Faehrmann's defence-splitting pass. The issue is Iron's defence. Storm Holsen looks out of his depth, Jordi Rowe doesn't seem up to much and his normal defensive partner, Durant, is out with an injury, while Yulia Heidt is better going forward than staying back. The result is four goals at the other end, with the quick-footed Corona Sharpe notching up two of them, while captain Marisa Leitner shows her Premiership class by dominating the midfield. Armstrong's 3-3 draw against Coret Rovers might look like a barnstormer, but in reality, Armstrong's three goals all came from set pieces, as did one of Coret Rovers', along with a penalty. At least the one from open play, Luther Spendthrift's (rare) goal, a curling drive from the wings that just seems to loft perfectly into the corner from an acute angle, is a beauty.

Matchday 11: Hackett's good run is a distant memory; Crisisbless Athletic beat them fairly easily, 2-0, Rinehart and Suttner doing the damage. They've now lost five straight, without scoring. Another side that's struggling - perhaps surprisingly, perhaps not - are Belgrave under Adalheid Metzelder, a manager whose ambitions and ability to put together PowerPoints have so far outstripped her ability on the touchline. Granted, injuries haven't helped, and Cohen Alexander really needed to not underachieve as much as he's doing - their main striker has just one goal so far - but a 4-0 hammering on home soil to the assertive physicality and directness of Brookford leads to calls for Metzelder's head. "I know what I'm doing," Metzelder defiantly lectures the press after the game. "I just hope, eventually, the players work it out too." Uninspiring words. Greygate, meanwhile, look to be grinding a dour scoreless draw out of Parrhesia before a second-half implosion; Teris scores a screamer, Malick gives away a penalty which Rademacher confidently tucks away, Rawson is sent off and the walls fall in on them, shot-stopper Rowett largely blameless as goals three, four and five fly past him in quick succession.

Matchday 12: Jen Reiniger's Cranequin Wanderers thump West Brinemouth 3-0, keeping perfectly on-pace for three goals a game for the season. They've won eleven matches so far, and are already ten points clear of even the playoff place (currently occupied by Brookford, who were surprisingly turned over at home 3-0 by the Quakers). Between them, Stahlburg Rovers and City both win to consolidate their places. The top three have conceded 7, 7 and 6 goals respectively; yes, Elrik Raskine has actually organised a defence. Chatswood lose the chance to steal a march, but they only concede goal number 8 of the season in a draw at home to Belgrave; defence appears to be the theme of the season. Vermillion Wanderers and the Strongest are overachieving significantly, though neither wins today; Parrhesia United, held to a scoreless draw by Vermillion in a sort-of derby, have disappointed and languish in 11th. Goodfeather, in 7th, are doing the best of the relegated sides thus far; Wynona Short has been outstanding for them, running the show in midfield. The Hounds, despite some damaging scorelines, are somehow 15th; Belgrave, in 16th, look traumatised. Near the bottom of the table, Ritter Town are surely having the weirdest season; they won their first match 5-0 away, and then drew seven of their next nine, losing the rest and the two most recent. They have a neutral goal difference, somehow. Coret Rovers have an identical record, while Hackett in 20th haven't drawn at all somehow. In fact, it's Hackett's toothless defeat to Mantlegrove that lets the Dryads pick themselves off the bottom of the table, letting them leapfrog the sievelike Iron City (Ida Preussler with eight of their fourteen goals), a nosediving Serpentine and a Greygate side that just doesn't learn.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               12 10  1  1  41  10  +31  31
  2 Sabrefell Moths          12  9  2  1  20   7  +13  29
  3 Starling                 12  8  1  3  25  14  +11  25
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       12  8  1  3  23  13  +10  25
  5 North Sabrefell          12  6  5  1  21  13   +8  23
  6 Aries Chariots           12  7  2  3  18  11   +7  23
  7 Crisisbless              12  7  0  5  17  12   +5  21
  8 Chenoworth Rovers        12  6  2  4  15  11   +4  20
  9 Chenoworth Harriers      12  6  1  5  20  14   +6  19
 10 Newrook City             12  5  3  4  24  16   +8  18
 11 Coret Hawks              12  5  3  4  23  19   +4  18
 12 AFC Treason              12  5  2  5  18  12   +6  17
 13 AFC Corvistone           12  5  2  5  17  19   -2  17
 14 Raven River              12  4  5  3  16  19   -3  17
 15 North Laithland          12  5  1  6  19  21   -2  16
 16 Southfell United         12  4  3  5  17  21   -4  15
 17 Creed United             12  5  0  7  15  23   -8  15
 18 Vermillion Rage          12  3  2  7  21  27   -6  11
 19 Crisisbless United       12  2  4  6  10  22  -12  10
 20 Corvette Maulers         12  3  1  8  10  36  -26  10
 21 Cypher Town              12  2  2  8  11  18   -7   8
 22 Bishop                   12  1  3  8   9  20  -11   6
 23 Diamondqueen             12  1  3  8   6  20  -14   6
 24 Morningstar              12  1  3  8  12  30  -18   6

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin Wanderers       12  11  0  1  36   7  +29  33
  2 Stahlburg Rovers          12   9  2  1  17   7  +10  29
  3 Stahlburg City            12   8  2  2  21   6  +15  26
  4 Brookford Otters          12   7  2  3  26  13  +13  23
  5 Chatswood                 12   6  4  2  14   8   +6  22
  6 Vermillion Wanderers      12   6  3  3  19  12   +7  21
  7 Goodfeather FC            12   6  3  3  20  16   +4  21
  8 The Strongest             12   6  2  4  20  17   +3  20
  9 Cranequin City            12   6  2  4  15  14   +1  20
 10 South Laithland           12   5  4  3  19  15   +4  19
 11 Parrhesia United          12   5  3  4  25  16   +9  18
 12 Leichhardt                12   5  2  5  15  16   -1  17
 13 West Brinemouth           12   4  4  4  11  15   -4  16
 14 Armstrong                 12   4  3  5  14  16   -2  15
 15 Extreme Hills             12   3  6  3  18  29  -11  15
 16 Belgrave                  12   3  4  5  12  19   -7  13
 17 Crisisbless Athletic      12   3  2  7  13  20   -7  11
 18 Ritter Town               12   1  7  4  15  15   +0  10
 19 Coret Rovers              12   1  7  4  18  21   -3  10
 20 Hackett                   12   3  0  9   6  20  -14   9
 21 Mantlegrove               12   2  2  8   9  23  -14   8
 22 Iron City                 12   1  4  7  14  25  -11   7
 23 AFC Serpentine            12   1  3  8   7  19  -12   6
 24 Greygate                  12   1  3  8   8  23  -15   6

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chardonnay Rangers           12  8  3  1  28   9  +19  27
  2 Peregrine                    12  7  3  2  26  12  +14  24
  3 Rochford                     12  7  2  3  20   6  +14  23
  4 Southriver                   12  6  2  4  28  24   +4  20
  5 Locksley                     12  5  4  3  22  14   +8  19
  6 Sheridan                     12  5  4  3  13   8   +5  19
  7 Pillars of Southfell         12  5  4  3  12   8   +4  19
  8 Gonen's Bridge               12  5  3  4  20  20   +0  18
  9 AFC Shale                    12  5  2  5  13  11   +2  17
 10 Kommissar                    12  4  4  4  15  13   +2  16
 11 Stonegrave                   12  4  4  4  14  13   +1  16
 12 Crossroads Town              12  5  1  6  12  17   -5  16
 13 Riverkey                     12  3  6  3   9   9   +0  15
 14 Alliance Barossia            12  3  6  3  12  13   -1  15
 15 Barossia United              12  4  3  5  11  12   -1  15
 16 Iron United                  12  4  3  5   9  18   -9  15
 17 Ballardine FC                12  3  4  5  12  14   -2  13
 18 Ox River United              12  3  4  5   8  11   -3  13
 19 Dartmouth Terriers           12  3  4  5  10  19   -9  13
 20 Corinthians No Longer        12  3  3  6  13  26  -13  12
 21 The Hanged Man               12  2  5  5   7  11   -4  11
 22 West Hook                    12  2  5  5   7  12   -5  11
 23 East Laithland Harriers      12  3  2  7   9  22  -13  11
 24 Lazuli Diamonds              12  1  7  4  12  20   -8  10

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire        12 10  1  1  26   7  +19  31
  2 Boltcroft Thorns       12  9  1  2  24   7  +17  28
  3 Autumnstone            12  7  3  2  28  14  +14  24
  4 Strephonage            12  7  3  2  21  16   +5  24
  5 Falston United         12  7  1  4  14  12   +2  22
  6 Brokenarch             12  6  3  3  13  15   -2  21
  7 Sutcroft Athletic      12  5  4  3  16  10   +6  19
  8 Fully Sick XI          12  6  1  5  16  14   +2  19
  9 Brunyard FC            12  5  2  5  15  18   -3  17
 10 Gosmouth Swans         12  4  4  4  19  17   +2  16
 11 South Parrhesia        12  3  6  3  16  16   +0  15
 12 Long Lake              12  4  3  5  11  15   -4  15
 13 Martella Jazz          12  3  5  4  17  17   +0  14
 14 Hartford Glade         12  3  5  4  17  19   -2  14
 15 Sirencall FC           12  4  2  6  16  19   -3  14
 16 Brindleton             12  4  2  6  14  17   -3  14
 17 Falston Town           12  4  1  7  14  14   +0  13
 18 Kensey Town            12  3  4  5  11  12   -1  13
 19 Ingram Township        12  2  7  3   8  11   -3  13
 20 Sutcroft               12  3  3  6   9  13   -4  12
 21 Mapleford              12  3  3  6  14  21   -7  12
 22 Bodkin Road            12  3  3  6  14  23   -9  12
 23 Downsparrow            12  2  4  6   9  17   -8  10
 24 Fischer                12  1  1 10   9  27  -18   4

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Crownsend Journey       12  9  1  2  27   9  +18  28
  2 Harrington              12  8  1  3  17  10   +7  25
  3 Lockheed Zenith         12  7  2  3  23   8  +15  23
  4 FC Seierstad            12  6  5  1  16  10   +6  23
  5 Rushe United            12  6  4  2  24  13  +11  22
  6 Ringway                 12  6  3  3  16  12   +4  21
  7 Courser                 12  4  6  2  13  14   -1  18
  8 Boleyn Town             12  5  2  5  11   9   +2  17
  9 Iberia Chenoworth       12  4  4  4  22  18   +4  16
 10 AFC Hellerine           12  4  4  4  14  13   +1  16
 11 Aspen Grove             12  4  3  5  19  19   +0  15
 12 Grovebank               12  4  2  6  14  14   +0  14
 13 Stonesthrow Town        12  3  5  4  12  13   -1  14
 14 Swag Hill Rovers        12  3  5  4  18  26   -8  14
 15 Chenoworth Teutons      12  3  4  5   8  12   -4  13
 16 Riverkey Shells         12  3  4  5  12  17   -5  13
 17 Sleetwell Rangers       12  3  3  6  13  22   -9  12
 18 Fenland Albion          12  3  2  7   5  13   -8  11
 19 Capricopia Rangers      12  0  6  6  10  23  -13   6
 20 Dross Rovers            12  1  2  9   3  22  -19   5

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookford Vantablack      12  8  2  2  21  11  +10  26
  2 Stamper Road              12  7  4  1  26  10  +16  25
  3 AFC Burchess              12  7  4  1  17   7  +10  25
  4 Corvistone City           12  6  4  2  18   9   +9  22
  5 Pravenna Saints           12  6  3  3  21  14   +7  21
  6 Caldwick Strand           12  5  6  1  12   7   +5  21
  7 South Brill               12  6  2  4  20  16   +4  20
  8 Twelvetrees               12  5  4  3  20  13   +7  19
  9 Cranequin Souths          12  5  4  3  14  13   +1  19
 10 Rochford Pilgrims         12  5  3  4  23  13  +10  18
 11 The Travellers FC         12  4  3  5  19  18   +1  15
 12 Gridlock                  12  4  2  6   7  13   -6  14
 13 Rhyburn Swifts            12  4  1  7  23  26   -3  13
 14 Rookwall                  12  3  4  5  12  17   -5  13
 15 AFC Volksgarten           12  4  1  7   8  19  -11  13
 16 Coral Bay                 12  2  5  5  10  12   -2  11
 17 Constance Park            12  2  4  6  11  16   -5  10
 18 Corby Hubris              12  2  3  7   9  27  -18   9
 19 Blaze                     12  1  5  6  16  27  -11   8
 20 Brookway Town             12  1  2  9   7  26  -19   5

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 17, 2018 4:16 pm

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Sett Horn of Diamondqueen had been, bluntly, a colossal flop. He’d scored in his first game with his first shot on target; he’d failed to find the target in the 11 league games since, starting all but one. He doubles his tally for the season against Morningstar in the 7th minute, when Unworth’s cross is cleared unconvincingly by Ynoa, and the former Dundee striker’s in the right place at the right time to blast it home. He triples his tally when Auburn Weber’s disguised pass fools every Morningstar defender, left flat-footed as Horn races onto it and strokes it beyond Jakob Carter. Kuijer picks up a goal at the other end, threading a strike through a sea of legs, but Diamondqueen have really settled into their groove by now; Jeweler and Weber basically seal the game by half-time, before Horn completes his hat-trick and, after coming on for horn, young striker Cornelian Stryger gets his first of the season. Diamondqueen themselves double their goal tally for the season; Morningstar look in trouble! There’s some shocks at the top of the table; Chenoworth Rovers unsettle the Moths with their relentless physicality and wind up winning 2-1, with ten men left on the pitch - Ender Fife with her second red of the season for the attempted homicide of Valencia Ashburner, which does wind up with her getting stretchered off. Starling stumble against Corvistone, Lisa Amos railing against supposed referee bias in favour of the Crows winning her few favourites - in reality, what made the difference is that Hadrian Belfast has successfully hammered the terminal flakiness out of the team. And Brinemouth… well, they beat the Harriers 6-0, Desya Kuznetsov with yet another brace, fortunate that shirtless or excessive celebration isn’t penalised in the Premiership given that he rips off his shirt and dives into the away end, both times. Crisisbless and Newrook City, meanwhile, play a rematch of the Ramsey Shield, both a little out of sorts in the league. Crisisbless dominate until the final fifteen minutes, but Newrook pull a goal back from Will Couturiaux from nowhere before Couturiaux sets up Avila Wardenier with a forty-yard diagonal ball that the former Nephara forward’s diving header puts past Na’Kefir.

Morningstar suddenly come to life! In fact, it’s a good day in general for the crap teams, which paradoxically means none of them really benefit as much as they could have, Cypher the only one of the bottom four not to win as they’re edged 1-0 by Coret. Bishop take down River 2-0, Ulrica Rannon and Ulrike Jensen having goals to bond over, not just similar first names, and Diamondqueen snatch a late winner through man of the hour Sett Horn…’s assist for unremarkable midfielder Christian Baylor. But the Warriors got the lead, and for a reason - they put five past Michael Lin in the Maulers’ goal, Martin Blessed getting the party started when Lin doesn’t have enough of a hold on the ball and sees Blessed head it out of his hands and knock it into the net. Blessed gets a rather more orthodox goal later on as Corvette overstretches to try and come back - 1-1 becomes 3-1 in the first half, 3-2 in the 48th minute becomes 5-2. Ana Kuijer pulls the strings, and Konrad Feist, who has battled injury and largely lost so far this season, is inspirational on the right. Crisisbless’ woes multiply as Starling simply dominate them all over the park, the Passerines’ pretty passing not paying dividends until late on, even after the Heelers are brought down to 10 men thanks to Leona Rafford’s impulsive red card. The clincher turns out to be a set piece, specifically Alcander Visser’s header off an Armstrong corner, but it’s richly deserved. Newrook City and Brinemouth share the spoils in a free-wheeling six-goal thriller, and things are looking up somewhat for the Ocokoljic-inspired Rooks. Less so for their anchor man, Mats Hedlund, who lets in one of those arrowed header own goals off a Dragana cross that just looks intentional. The worst part of the match is the fact that the Dockers salvage a point late on, leftback Marcin Close finding himself given too much space on the edge of the box as the ball fell kindly and firing home an equaliser… leading to about 500 variants of ‘Close call’ headlines. Nepharim love puns, which is why a lot of people hate Nepharim. Oh, yeah, and Vermillion let off some steam by thumping North Laithland 5-0, the Spiders repeatedly burned trying and failing to play the ball out from the back under pressure, not helped by an uncharacteristically nervy game from goalkeeper Kosovare Fairweather. Breremond is the hero for Rage, his repeated charges on the defence causing a surfeit of turnovers - he winds up with two slickly-taken goals and an assist.

A fantastic day to be Nepharim. Sabrefell Moths run roughshod over Mar Sara away, pressing their advantage down the winds relentlessly while mostly bypassing a workmanlike central midfield of Shone and James who are mostly interested in kicking people to the floor. Aedelbrandt and Townsend on the wings get a goal apiece, Joachim Elden crashes home a corner off Townsend’s delivery before local lass Sigrid Eisenhauer, an ever more lethal weapon off the bench, puts a decisive toe on yet another Townsend cross. Mar Sara get a consolation, before Eisenhauer’s finisher; Directus, meanwhile, score first. When Rowena Strongbow pops up at the far post to crash home a very Szalai-esque header in the 12th minute, they could be forgiven for thinking things are going pretty well! But Crisisbless rally, and dominate the rest of the first half - getting their deserved reward when a clearance is charged down by Airik Ruhl who sprints to get to the ball before it bounces over the line, wildly hooking the ball into the middle for whoever wants to get on the end of it, which turns out to be the ever-opportunistic 34-year old Tia Drenas. Crisisbless probably should convert another chance or two, but they make up for it in a clinical second half, Drenas notching up a brace before Staunton and Swan finish twisting the knife. Two high-calibre opponents; two 4-1 wins.

The Rooks are struggling to battle on three fronts, let alone four; as a result, they call on some squad players to do the business here. Old stalwarts Coynborough and Alan Bothroyd wind up on the scoresheet, with Alessa Marconi pulling the strings in attacking midfield, and things come together at the back.

Now it’s Corvette’s turn to bounce back. There’s been a couple of changes at the back; 23-year old Acatha Feldman, who started the campaign as third-choice, now stands between the posts as Michael Lin’s confidence appears shot and Marcia Folkhard is injured, while Julian Parable joins Gloria King in the heart of defence. Yes, the numbers 3 and 8 are their centre-halves. It’s an abomination in the eyes of God, but it proves effective as they dominate an experienced but slow and old Chenoworth Rovers side, largely through keeping on the pressure and passing their way out of danger, Voleimann in particular constantly threading passes through the Rovers’ defence. Fiona Norval has faced accusations that she can’t hack it at this level, but she proves lethal in front of goal with a brace inside the opening half-hour for goals 4 and 5 of the season, before Dimitrius and Clarke ratchet up the score. River have been middling at best this season, and pressure is starting to build around Kia Anders, so it’s a shock when they pummel Creed 5-0. They still shouldn’t have sold Norval, though. Probably. North Laithland’s recovery is even more stunning, as they recover from a 5-0 defeat of their own in the mindset that, well, they have nothing to lose against Sabrefell Moths. The Moths apparently come into this game with the understandable mentality that the Spiders are crap and they can rest a lot of their best players, and bring in others including Charade Tipton, a nervy 20-year old centre-half who scores her first professional goal. Yes, as you can tell, the punchline is that it’s in her own net, either side of more intentional strikes from Stokes and Croxteth, North Laithland attacking with a real sense of purpose and defending by pressing high and letting Fairweather - the player of the match by most scorecards - sweep behind. Brinemouth, meanwhile, punch Starling’s clock 2-0. It’s a significant result on paper, but in practice, what’s there to say? Brinemouth overwhelm teams with their unrelenting frontal assaults, and Starling are apparently no exception. Tidesson and Conjure get the goals, and Kuznetsov is denied by Visser’s desperate last-gasp clearance off the line. He’s unimpressed by this, and punches Visser in the kidneys a few minutes later at a corner - the referee misses it, though.

The way the NFA Cup is structured means that the Second Round might be the most fun of all of them; it’s that or the Third, for sure. But the Second these days has to edge it out just because of how strong the 1Div and to a lesser extent 2Div sides are, and there’s a violent and brutal culling of Conference teams every time. Take Riverkey Shells, in their first Cup campaign - and they fail to actually muster a shot on target against Stahlburg City, losing 4-0 at home with 52% possession as even the backup likes of Toni Dresden look like world-beaters against them. Swag Hill Rovers talked publically about how an opportunity to host Ritter Town would be a lovely breather from the relegation dogfight; they lose 7-0. And even professional sides aren’t immune, as Ingram Township get turned over 8-1 by a rampant Brookford, taking their good form into the Cup. But it’s not all blowouts; there’s a good scalp here and there, too. In theory. Not so much in practice, though Martella (ignore the name, they’re in the fourth tier now) hold Parrhesia in an infuriating affair, the Saints hit the post three times and have a goal wrongly chalked off for offside, and only a sprawling double save from Radu Bartok late on spares their blushes - Kirsten Howlett finally gives them the winner they deserve in extra time. Similarly, fourth-tier Brunyard push a complacent Stahlburg Rovers into extra time before the Rovers kick it into high gear, surging forward to really twist the knife and kick Brunyard’s head in, as 0-0 becomes 3-1 AET. Meanwhile, a moment of silence for Dartmouth Terriers; facing aspirational Autumnstone in the tier below, you’d expect six converted penalties (from nine (nice)) to be enough… but Autumnstone convert seven to clinch the marathon shootout.

Stahlberg ‘with an e’ are unsurprisingly a much tougher prospect at home. The former Baskita midfielder John Ferry lashes home a powerful opener from just outside the box, but Stahlberg can’t quite get enough of the ball off Newrook to really punish them. Still, Stahlberg deserve their win.

Well, then. Some people have asked whether Brinemouth can be stopped. Aries manager Isla Safarova is approached before the Chariots host the Dockers, and given the same question. “It’s all about fear,” she says, sweetly. “People are afraid of being the next side to be blown out,” (hold the sniggers, please, she’s from Cosumar) “when really all they need to do is execute better. And, sure, they’ll have to be good. My Chariots will be good.” They are good. It just never quite sits right for Brinemouth, who are outmuscled and overmanned in midfield, where the Chariots play narrow and stubbornly insist on putting every ball. It pays dividends. Evelyn Conjure, of all people, misplaces a pass under pressure from Seamster straight to Tsiolkas, who hits it across to Elsa Kaelin, who turns on a dime (again, another treat for Safarova) to slip Claudia Escrow, who the Chariots tried to offload in the off-season, in off the shoulder - she takes one touch to break free, then a second to slide it past Ryan Bull. Similar rewards from high-pressing play lead to goals for Riske and Escrow (again), before Lujendra Mescalin throws in another midfielder in, um, the slightly improvised Kyron Bartley (stocks are relatively thin) to try and add some grist to the heart of midfield, switching to a 4-3-3. That doesn’t do much to stop the bloodletting, though, Rowena Sierra cutting in and out of Close before slamming a shot past Bull’s near post, before a midfield rocket from Seamster that clanks in off the underside of the post makes it five unanswered goals. Oh, yeah, and some other games happen too. John Fletcher comes up big for Treason, two towering headers placed almost neatly into the top corners against a muddled and overly physical Crisisbless side, a leg-snapping tackle from Lauro Tedesco seeing him sent off in his first start of the season. Imagine that; the Stags keeping their heads while the Heelers try and maul them. Starling and Athletic also lose 1-0, meaning the Moths, who easily beat Cypher 3-1, are the big winners at the top. Chenoworth Rovers bounce back with a 4-1 win over Crisisbless United, despite a 62nd-minute red card (with the score at 3-0). It’s a harsh call on, for once, not Ender Fife - instead, Luellah Svenskah. Questionable, as one journalist puts it, but Catheline Harper snaps back; “the only thing I’d question about it is your decision to call it questionable. It was shocking.” Still, she was happy enough with the win.

Usual suspect Dean Sharp opens the scoring for Directus, and they probably shade the first half, but they’re undone by poor marking of a corner in stoppage time. Swan swings it in, Ruhl comes up to contest it and beats two Directus defenders and the flapping goalkeeper Belgrave, and centre-half Kosa Bajnok surges forward to bash it in the rest of the way. Crisisbless rally in the second half, and Bajnok actually gets a second goal, Swan with another brisk set piece - this one a low free kick that Bajnok runs onto and sidefoots past Belgrave, before a goal from substitute striker Kurtis Laiota sees the lesser-spotted reserve rile up the home crowd with a geeing-up celebration in their faces.

Brinemouth vs. Treason. For a while, these were the two big dogs of the league, Brinemouth’s foreign flair matched against Treason’s homegrown steel… these days, the Dockers tend to hold the edge. Not today, though. Not today. Treason play impeccably all over the pitch, Svensson and Vornander resolute in the heart of defence to shut down Brinemouth’s chances, Amber Trahearne picking a really good time to have the game of her career. It’s Trahearne who sets up the first assist, a long crossfield pass that falls perfectly into the stride of Raquel Accardi, who hits it hard across Bull. Brinemouth level soon afterwards, Jazmin Dragana having a shot blocked by Svensson before passing along to Conjure, who lashes home with what proves to be the Dockers’ only shot on target of the match. Fletcher could’ve done better, but it’s immaterial when Metzger, other Fletcher (use your context clues, kids!), Trahearne and, just to really twist the knife, former Brinemouth youth Tessa Bayliss get on the scoresheet, the last wriggling free of the Dockers’ parked bus, still under pressure from Windtide, to scuff an ugly low shot between Bull’s legs. She looked as surprised as anyone to have scored. 5-1, the final score. And that might not even have been the best viewing! Well, it certainly wasn’t Crisisbless stalling to a drab scoreless draw against Morningstar, Kurtis Laiota handed a rare start as reward for his goal against Directus and getting the ball in the net twice… one called off for offside, the other for a hand-ball, before he’s eventually booked for dissent. There might be some truth in the chants of “you’re just a shit Airik Ruhl” from the away end, and it even gets a little traction in the home. It’s also worth keeping an eye on Cypher’s defeat to Diamondqueen, out-played and out-thought all over the park as the undeniably shrewd Rivka Keaton looks out of ideas, even the really obvious one of ‘kick the shit out of Auburn Weber’. But no, the thriller was Newrook’s visit to Starling, the sort of performance that could make a campaign. For one, the realisation that Temperance Nkembe is just too error-prone under pressure, and his failure to be in the right position for two Starling goals means Andreu Bartolnicci hooks him for Gabrielle Reinhardt… at 32 minutes, with the score freshly 2-0. It proves a point, and startles Newrook into action. Ocokoljic, hitherto invisible, hits a screamer out of nowhere to bring the Rooks back into the match, and that sets the stage for a second half in which Newrook run the show. Brandtner, Ocokoljic (again) and Woods seize a two-goal lead by the hour mark before Starling break out of their reverie. Dostalok pulls one back, Hesketh spilling a thunderous low shot from Armstrong, and the vice begins to tighten… but a spectacular diving header from Maladict Farrell eases their nerves.

Rivka Keaton becomes the first Premiership manager to leave their post. She’s done everything for this club, built them up into what they are now… and their current run of poor form, and genuine relegation fears, lead to her resignation after they failed to get a notable chance against Corvette and succumbed to Sascha Dimitrius skinning Anderton, rounding Ruo and rolling the ball into the empty net, though Brind desperately attempted to hook it away with a slide and could only scuff it in. Meanwhile, Brinemouth are suddenly stuttering. Any dropped points are now big news, and they had a great excuse to crack some heads in Morningstar. They fail to take the opportunity. The Warriors get the miracle of an early goal when Karo Vanstrattan’s speculative cross is missed by veteran Brinemouth defender Calabrese and slickly hammered home by Martin Blessed. It almost gets worse, too, in a first half where Morningstar are buoyed by their own success - Sloane Kirkland puts over a header off Feist’s corner where she really should’ve put it on target, Feist himself hits a post while Christos Tsiavis forces Bull into a sharp save. Things open up in the second half, Lothar Andreas given a second yellow card and his marching orders in the 54th minute. Kyron Bartley gets the better of his replacement, Carney, just three minutes later, muscling past him and getting a high ball over the top of all Morningstar’s tall timber to find Morena Deventer for the finish at the far post… but it’s not enough, thanks in large part to Jakob Carter’s heroics against his former club. Newrook hammer the Chariots 4-0, their directness and energy rewarded against an unusually jaded Aries, Crisisbless United batter North Laithland 6-0 as Sigrun Rivers runs the entire game from the right wing, Catheline Harper is sent to the stands as Crisisbless conclusively outplay the Rovers 3-0 while Starling’s newfound inability to get results against the big teams continues, toothless against Athletic and punished for it with a flowing move started and finished by Xixi Ens for the game’s only goal.

A less good day for the Moths and Heelers, both facing defeat. The Moths probably have the better of the game, but there’s no such thing as deserving to win in this sport; you snooze at a 91st-minute set piece, you lose to a 91st-minute set piece. Crawford dominate Crisisbless, though it could have been so different had Airik Ruhl not hit the crossbar with a free header from eight inches out. But Crawford steadily open holes in the Heelers’ defence, before Moxham and Karpaty pick the fatal holes in it.

Brinemouth are there for the taking… so goes the theory, anyway, after one point from their last three games, and Catheline Harper talks a good game. Issue is, she’s suspended from the touchline, with assistant manager Rebecca Kelsey unable to stop the Dockers from kicking back into gear. A cool and collected midfielder in her playing days, she appears frozen, and only makes her first of two substitutions at the 71st-minute mark… with Brinemouth 4-0 ahead. Florencio Lozada’s nous in midfield is much appreciated, and he winds up stripping the ball off Montague to supply Rowell to drive home the Rovers’ one goal. But Montague gets her own back, not long after, striking home a direct free kick to make it 5-1. Cypher Town get possibly the perfect appointment - Andrea Vardalos, perhaps a little over-cautious during her latter days at Leichhardt but an excellent defensive manager regardless, takes over. She sees an immediate difference, too! Freya McCosgraigh has been a widely disappointing player for them, but an encouragement to just… try things, ensures a goal and an assist. The structure does the rest against an uninspired Crisisbless United. The immutable law of the ex ensures that a stooping Mordecai Brandtner header off Pakkanen’s clever cross sinks the Stags at Newrook, the ‘friendly derby’ between River and Diamondqueen is won by the former thanks to two nerveless Michi Leonard penalties, Crisisbless sweep aside North Sabrefell without conceding even a shot on target while Corvistone fall on the Spiders like a house of cards made of solid granite as a Beretti brace book-ends a 5-1 scoreline, and while it’s tempting to say that Vermillion’s 3-2 win over Creed is settled by Cassadore’s diving, looping header from outside the box (which Matraxis should absolutely have saved, to be fair) the reality is that it was a straightforward tap-in from Granit Nizarut.

The Premiership sides finally enter the ring as things heat up in the Cup. People want to see scalps! Morningstar’s bad season almost gets insurmountably worse, but to be fair they’re basically fielding their reserves against relegation-battling Third Division outfit Long Lake. But homegrown Lake star Priscilla Cornwell strikes from midfield before setting up beefy striker Gareth Nguyen (hey, it’s an increasingly multicultural nation) to retake the lead following an equaliser from Lilith Thornwood. Promising teenager Varina Roebling levels the scores for Morningstar as things get desperate late in the game, and Long Lake tire, before Rosen’s slick pass sets up Thornwood to finish it in extra time. Chenoworth Rovers also rely on extra time to take down 3Div Falston United, arguably worse since they’re at home against a side flying in from Ceynes, while Second Division Southriver beat a similarly distracted Diamondqueen on penalties. Leichhardt manage to frustrate the Rage, an interesting tactic given how the game starts two minutes in with Ramona Porter slotting home from an acute angle, but Bruno Hawke’s cowar- uh, caution, pays off when Auttenberg hits back in the 86th minute from practically nothing, and the Stargazers dispatch five flawless penalties to see themselves through. Hackett beat Crisisbless United 2-1 away thanks largely to brute force, and Konrad Evans is unimpresssed by their conduct. “I’ve played in the old school,” the United manager grumbles to the press. “It was crap, and just like that.” Bishop vs. Cranequin Wanderers is earmarked as a potential clash of the round, a crap Premiership side against a cruising First Division one, but it’s a dull midfield battle (one for the mysterious purists) settled by a fine strike from midfield by Mersiades. Oh, and there’s a Laith derby of sorts, North vs. East, which the Spiders win 3-1 because they’re markedly better at football in every position than their bottom-feeding, third-tier opponents. 23-year old striker Graf Bronze gets the consolation to maybe prove his worth somewhat to 1Div sides. Creed, Brinemouth, Corvette (after taking Crisisbless to injury time) and the Harriors are knocked out by fellow Premiership opposition.

Top billing today goes, of course, to the Chenoworth derby, the first in the Premiership for fifteen years. The last was kind of a damp squib, Dagbjartur Damkjaer firing past a 36-year old Kurtis Fitzmarten for the only goal of the game to see the Rovers beat the Harriers (relegation fodder, at the time) 1-0. Happily, this match is a far, far better affair. Catheline Harper’s back from her touchline suspension, just in time to set the agenda. “The Harriers are a bunch of accountants, propped up by accountants, supported by accountants. The city’s heart is white and blue.” Harriers fans take umbrage at this, apparently, as someone throws a rock through the window of the Rovers’ bus as they enter the stadium. It’s an insult that the Rovers repay double on the pitch. The tone is set less than a minute into the game, Luella Svenskah’s studs raking down Catheline Stensholt, and the Schottic goes straight into the book. Stensholt looks to have the ultimate revenge, though, finding some space from midfield in the sixth minute, wriggling free of Svenskah and firing low through a sea of legs, across Iona Britton, who surely saw it late. The Rovers hit back just two minutes later, though, the Harriers’ defence falling asleep as Nya Murray slips between the lines and pokes home. And the Rovers have the better of things in general, first to every challenge, harder in every tackle, strikes from lively midfielders Julia Thane and Misha Paterson racing them into a two-goal lead by the hour mark, Markus Sheffield doing well to deny them any more joy. In the 81st minute, with backup rightback Camilla Arkwright warming up on the sideline, Catheline Harper is just willing Ender Fife, already on a booking, not to do anything stupid. Like trying to hold onto a ball to timewaste when the Harriers get a throw and then, when Steven Rexmont comes to wrest it back, wrestling him to the ground. Harper rolls her eyes magnificently, though she admits to the press after the fact she’s impressed with Fife’s ability to suplex. Predictably, not long afterwards, Crowther hits in a cross, Tom Whittaker chests it down and rifles it past Britton, and instead of grabbing the ball for a quick restart… goes to crow in front of the Rovers’ support. Whittaker… is also on a booking. Whittaker… follows Fife down the tunnel. And the Harriers don’t have any substitutes left. Brae Crowther finishes as an impromptu striker, but the Rovers finish the day, the Harriers hopelessly overstretched on the counter when Britton cuts out an overhit through-ball and lofts the ball over the top, to where Thane can slip in the freshish substitute Lexi Farrakhan, who runs the full opposing half, rounds Sheffield and taps the ball into an empty net, doing a theatrical little bow. 4-2. Jesus.

Oh, yeah, and as far as the entire rest of the nation goes? Aristide Metzger is increasingly the man of the hour at Starling, their top scorer this season, but as the Stags look to be grinding out a draw it shouldn’t be forgotten that Roddy Fraser waits in reserve. Cheney Bittencourt didn’t. He sends on Fraser on the hour and just seven minutes later, the Audioslavian international slots home a Trahearne through-ball from an acute angle. Then, when Neptune’s clumsily poleaxed by the impetuous Berg, up steps Fraser - nearly impeccable at the spot - to hammer home the penalty, sealing a deserved 2-0 win. Sabrefell Moths have now scored 10 without reply over their last three games, putting four past a hapless Creed. Coret batter Vermillion 4-1, Penumbra Amokachi seeming to have a Midas touch in front of goal - she nets twice by the 55-minute mark to establish a three-goal lead, and when she’s hauled off for a rest, she looks incandescent at manager Nick Feeney. In what already feels like a six-pointer, Diamondqueen dominate Bishop for the first hour, but only get a single goal, through Taheri - her countrywoman Faiza Huyton nets a screamer at the other end, and suddenly the tables are turned to the point where it’s not too surprising when Huyton squares to 20-year old Holden Beckwith for… well, he shoots straight at Jonason, who parries it away, but not past Ulrica Rannon, who thinks and acts fast to classily slot home the rebound.

Premiership sides are meant to excel at winning without playing well. Perhaps it’s not surprising that they do so on a day where both sides are already assured of qualification, and as a result, unapologetically rest vast swathes of players. Qastyr might not look like the strongest match-up, but by the start of the match, they’re actually top of the table. They take an early lead, and it falls to more obscure lights in Adalmar Sturrock and Glory Bellinger to overturn it. Crisisbless’ visit to Keppal is a real snoozefest, the only goal of the game being burly centre-half Henrik Parrish’s first senior goal, heading home a corner from Snowe.

Group A                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   SfM  Qst  Nac  MSa
1 Sabrefell Moths           NPH    6    4   1   1    13    7   +6    13    —   2–1  2–0  2–2
2 Qastyr                    QUS    6    4   0   2    16    9   +7    12   1–2   —   4–1  3–1
3 Nacional                  VLD    6    3   0   3    13   15   −2     9   2–1  2–3   —   4–3
4 Mar Sara FC               VAL    6    0   1   5    10   21  −11     1   1–4  1–4  2–4   —

Group F                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Csb  CrC  KpC  Dir
1 Crisisbless               NPH    6    5   0   1    14    6   +8    15    —   0–2  3–0  4–1
2 Crawford City FC          COS    6    3   1   2     9    6   +3    10   2–3   —   1–1  2–1
3 Keppal Cosmos             ZWZ    6    1   2   3     5    9   −4     5   0–1  0–2   —   2–0
4 Directus                  EUR    6    1   1   4     6   13   −7     4   1–3  1–0  2–2   —

Those results mean that the Moths and Heelers both win their groups, somewhat more comfortably in Crisisbless’ case. Mar Sara, shockingly, go out with just a single point in the Moths’ group. Crisisbless top something of a group of death, which should make them feel even better.

Group B                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   Stl  Krs  NSt  IsD
1 Starling                  NPH    6    3   2   1     8    6   +2    11    —   2–2  2–1  2–1
2 Krsthaven                 SEM    6    2   3   1     6    5   +1     9   0–1   —   1–0  1–0
3 Northern Stallions        BRE    6    2   2   2     7    7    0     8   2–1  2–2   —   1–1
4 Iskara Daii               STB    6    0   3   3     2    5   −3     3   0–0  0–0  0–1   —

Group C                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   CzC  Smt  WCW  Nrk
1 Cazadores Cathair         AUD    6    3   2   1     7    5   +2    11    —   2–0  1–1  0–0
2 FC Samotath               COS    6    3   1   2     8    4   +4    10   3–0   —   3–1  0–0
3 West Cape Wanderers       BLA    6    1   3   2     4    7   −3     6   0–2  1–0   —   0–0
4 Newrook City              NPH    6    0   4   2     2    5   −3     4   1–2  0–2  1–1   —

Group G                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   JhC  NrR  Tre  Gal
1 Jhanna City               STB    6    4   2   0    11    4   +7    14    —   3–2  4–1  2–0
2 Norrion Rovers            EFL    6    3   1   2     7    6   +1    10   0–0   —   1–2  2–1
3 AFC Treason               NPH    6    1   2   3     5    9   −4     5   1–1  0–1   —   1–2
4 Galactica                 PAS    6    1   1   4     3    7   −4     4   0–1  0–1  0–0   —

The recent tradition of lukewarm Globe Cup performances continues, regrettably. Newrook, free-scoring in the league, go winless and score just twice here in an admittedly difficult group. Treason are fairly poor, too, but at least Starling edge out a very even group.

Newrook’s poor UICA form carries over into the CWC, though, to be fair, RCU are… better than them, at football. The Rooks lack some pace and zip in the tackle, Nephara midfielder Josie Webster keeping things rolling for United. Tajo Cianflone hammers home the first, and it’s only through Karena Hesketh that the scoreline’s kept to a minimum. Abbott puts out a couple of fires at the other end, and a deeply frustrating performance from Alan Bothroyd means the Rooks can’t scrape an away draw… before a screamer from Jainsly Anselm rubs salt in the wounds, late on.

Crisisbless have, perhaps, been too transparently focused on UICA. The league, after all, has been done and dusted… and it’s very obvious by now they won’t be able to defend it. The Sabrefell sides and Brinemouth have a stranglehold as things stand. Still, they don’t have any excuses here, rolling out a strong side against Andrea Vardalos’ Cypher… and utterly failing to get past Cypher’s determined back line. And, when former Cypher man Kosa Bajnok slips up at the back, overbalanced and outpaced by Olivia Nygard, the Vanorian finishes what she starts. Crisisbless have their chances, but Ruo Xiaolan racks up the saves at the other end, and Hertzka winds up hooking a headed set piece off the line. Cypher have now taken seven points from the possible nine since Vardalos took charge. Corvette run the show against Bishop, keeping them running in vain. Fiona Norval, predictably, gets their goal - she’s done well to recover from an indifferent start to the season, and a surging run down the right capped off with an outside-the-boot finish past Krieven just screams confidence, and she wheels away to celebrate before it even nestles in the back of the net. Coret feel aggrieved against the Moths after a variety of calls go against them, including what they feel is a soft penalty call for Townsend against Bronwyne. But at the other end, it’s that classic combination - Raquel Naeher with a low, lethal cross skimming across the grass, Amokachi, in this case, backheeling it between Molovi’s legs and past a wrongfooted Griffin, who faceplants into the turf in the attempt to salvage the situation. After the match, a breathless Amokachi - who played 90 minutes, for once! - details every single grievance she had with referee Brom Anstead in a six-minute interview… even calling on past experiences with Anstead. Even calling on a Cup match over a decade ago with Brinemouth. “Look back to the NFA Cup, 59, my first ever Cup game and we get hammered 4-0 by Athletic’s twelve men including some fucking rookie referee! Great little introduction to the Sabrefell bias! You think I’d ever forget something like that? Smug bald bastard!” Predictably, she’s fined, but it’s a drop in the water.

Newrook’s first half is little short of perfect. Pakkanen cuts a bouncy, tricky cross across goal seven minutes in and, running smoothly into it, Wardenier dinks a perfectly-weighted volley past Abbott. Wardenier then sets up Ocokoljic to make it two with a clever disguised pass, and on the stroke of half-time, Farrell hits the crossbar. RCU have barely had a sniff. Unfortunately, RCU rally in the second half, and Warazil fires past Hesketh’s near post to dampen what was otherwise an excellent couple of games for her. More fatally, it means the Rooks have half an hour to get two goals - that much, sadly, is beyond them. “That could’ve been the final,” Andreu Bartolnicci reflects after the match, with some justice. But… it wasn’t. It was the second round, and the Rooks are out.

Vardalos’ Cypher take the headlines again, but probably for a different reason than they hoped for, unless they’re particularly masochistic. Brinemouth come to their turf, all swagger, and Cypher do as you’d expect and allow them space, sit back in a tight block. It works for 27 minutes - indeed, it’s only through an exceptionally sharp save from Ryan Bull . It’s the only save Bull will have to make all game. It’s one more save than Ruo Xiaolan makes all game. Flashy and acrobatic at her best, she’s definitely had better days at the office. Brinemouth put six shots on target, and score six goals, a fact Desya Kuznetsov reminds everyone post-match. “My brace? Best of goals. Top corners, like this, boom, bang, two goals. Everyone else? Tap-in for Jazmin. Evelyn, she gets one their shit goalkeeper lets in. Pablo, he gets another gift like this. Bryger, is same. So do not be saying that Desya is not the best! Desya is the best, with the best goals.” Alright, then. Elsewhere, good sides mostly seem to stumble. Crisisbless are outwitted by a quick-footed Southfell who run rings around them in midfield. Ivan Hemeyer slams through Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic, putting the veteran playmaker out for most of the rest of the season. He gets away with a yellow card, probably because it’s the seventh minute. As far as the rest goes, Marica Kuepper’s the main story, the classy 20-year old midfielder looking far more like a UICA-quality player than her opponents, classy and elegant in possession, with a goal and an assist (for a Harriet Michail header) to her name by the end. Starling get brutalised by the Rovers, and Lisa Amos wants everyone to know after the final whistle that she’s very upset about it. More upset than her players, with Evangeline Aschenbach having the good grace to admit “physicality’s a part of the game, especially around these parts; we didn’t deal with that.” That said, the Rovers probably ought to have had a man or two sent off, but they don’t, perhaps because Ender Fife is still suspended and her replacement, Arkwright, is far calmer (and not as good; she’s at fault for the Starling goal, letting Andisori slip past her). They cope with it, though, and while Nya Murray misses a sitter early doors, she makes up for it by nailing a far more difficult finish into the top corner ten minutes later. Andisori gets her strike to equalise, but on the stroke of half-time, Misha Paterson wriggles past two players, manages a stumbling one-two with Bazin before rifling the winner low past Smordal. Treason against Athletic, meanwhile? Not much to say. Athletic lack cutting edge, with Treason throwing themselves into every challenge, first to every ball. “It’s not an underdog mentality,” says manager Cheney Bittencourt, proving to be as good a liar as he is a manager. “It’s just heart - the bare minimum for this football club. We will fight for results where other sides maybe want to just stroll to victory.” Shots fired, at… someone, for sure. The Moths make heavy weather of beating Vermillion, but a win’s a win on a week like this.

Brinemouth have eight goals from their past two games. Now, they get eight in one, as Southfell have no response. Ivan Hemeyer is lucky to be on the pitch after his nearly literal leg-breaker on Jedjevic-Hadsic last match. Now, he’s perhaps harshly dismissed, though he does at least cause another injury. But Alyss Montague limping off and Evelyn Conjure coming on is one of those extreme frying-pan-into-fire situations, and so it proves. Southfell are massacred. And that puts the pressure on the Moths to defend their slim lead - now a deficit - in the title race. In the derby. Athletic know, and they’re all too keen to stifle their neighbours, brutal challenges off the ball perhaps masking the adroitness of Oscar Coltrane and Xixi Ens on it. The two are at the heart of everything Athletic do going forward, and it’s ultimately a reshuffle to put Coltrane on the right and the more industrious Webber in the centre (sacrificing the ineffective Bereveskos) that flips the game on its head. Coltrane beats Vicelich time and again, and eventually, it’s his cutback to Ens that sets up Ens to slide in Ojala, the Moths appealing in vain for offside as he slots home the only goal of the game. The Moths grow into the game, too late, and while they dominate the final half-hour, Aurelian Gautier denies them at every turn. The Moths slip to second - still a place above Athletic, at least. But Brinemouth take the summit.

Newrook and Treason have been steadily improving on indifferent starts of late, and the edge comes here. Newrook pulverise a hapless North Laithland 5-0, in a match that’s perhaps most notable for Gabrielle Reinhardt getting an assist. An enterprising defender by nature, the centre-half somehow finds herself receiving possession in midfield, looks up, takes her chances with a looping cross and sees a glancing header from Bothroyd take it past Fairweather for the second of the five, in the 41st minute. Treason are almost as dominant against Morningstar, though concede twice to set pieces. Still, the five they return with interest in open play probably makes up for it. They round out the top five, aptly. Starling beat North Sabrefell to maintain their position three points behind (with just one draw all season) while, three points further behind, the Chariots and Corvistone manage unconvincing wins themselves to round out the top eight. Crisisbless tumble to ninth following a 2-2 draw against an energetic but flaky River, lapses in concentration twice seized upon by Ruhl to dampen anotherwise strong performance. The Harriers beat Cypher, but they’re not even in the top half, and pressure is mounting on John Sedder.

North Laithland aren’t strictly in relegation trouble, but the axe is hovering over Leo Santander - they have collected one point from six games, scoring twice and conceding 21. Vermillion, somehow 18th, ease to a 3-0 win over Diamondqueen to ease their own concerns. They’ve actually scored one more goal than the Moths in second, and are third overall in the league with 44. Crisisbless United suffer a punishing 3-0 defeat to Creed, but they’re still eight points from danger, ten from the bottom three. Corvette are easily bested by the Hawks. They’re four points ahead of Diamondqueen in 21st, but have an appalling goal difference. Cypher are the main cause for concern for those hovering outside the drop zone. They at least look solid against the Harriers, though they lose 1-0, and seem to be getting some of their structure back under Vardalos. Bishop and Morningstar, sad to say, look done and dusted already - though nobody blames their managers.

Bishop can chin up, at least. They may have only scored sixteen goals all season in the league, but they take seven in one game against Belgrave! It’s a madcap affair, 4-2 at half-time, 7-2 by the final whistle as the Cardinals ruthlessly press home their advantage and the Gargoyles phone it in. The Hanged Man, from 2Div, take Chenoworth Rovers to extra time in a match where it’s transparently obvious the Treason side are just trying to beat the tar out of the Rovers. For all that, they win a penalty when Chris Trifiro is brought down by a frustrated Yeri Ibex, but Trifiro’s attempt isn’t quite in the corner, and Chaeffer claws it away. They cling to that lineline and dominate injury time, ultimately reliant on serious prospect Rashica Horvath to come off the bench and slam home the winner. Now imagining another mediocre third-tier side actually coming across Aries to North Sabrefell, a side with no prospects at either end of the Premiership table, a top-flight team who doesn’t have to rest anyone. Southriver proceed to win 2-1 in extra time, all three goals coming in the first half of extra time at that. Armstrong win an impromptu Stahlburg derby against City, Cosumarite striker Brogan Poppey with an attempted first touch on a Cavazos through-ball that’s overhit hard enough that it just goes straight past Poppey. And the goalkeeper, Ceferin, for the only goal of the game. The Moths are beaten by the Chariots, Morningstar by the Hawks, Treason by Southfell - curiously all 2-1 - while a stultifyingly dull scoreless draw between North Laithland and Crisisbless is barely enlivened by a frankly terrible penalty shootout. That’s 3-2 in sudden death.

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 17, 2018 4:18 pm

Matchday 13: Ida Preussler and Reinhard Geist are both beleagured strikers, but for very different reasons. Preussler is an excellent striker at this level, and she scores a hat-trick against Vermillion Wanderers to put her at 11 goals for the season. They lose 4-3. West Brinemouth striker Reinhard Geist, meanwhile, continues running around a lot and doing 'all the right things', and has played every league minute of the season. Without scoring, a run that extends into a draw with Brookford. The Cranequin derby is contested and, unsurprisingly, won by the Wanderers, although City do well to throw them off their game - still, the Wanderers have the luxury of bringing in Cardinal Belgrave off the bench, who almost casually loops a free kick into the top corner. Greygate and Serpentine face off, the two teams at the bottom of the table. They draw 2-2, and stay there.

Matchday 14: Hackett snap a run of seven straight defeats. Varga Neury comes crashing in to finish a speculative cross from Wrexham, before 62 minutes of backs-to-the-wall defending against the Quakers. They eventually overextend, and get hit on the counter by Neury - well, more precisely, Margate, as Neury's felled for a penalty the captain converts. Goodfeather get a goal back late through a penalty of their own, but it's not enough. South Laithland are seemingly pretty fucked by the halfway mark against Armstrong, two goals and a man down. But just nineteen seconds into the second half, Esteban Bentzen has already... let's go with 'won' a penalty, which he then converts. Then it becomes Armstrong who look a man short, and it's somehow not surprising when a thunderous strike from Natasha nabs a point. Armstrong dominate the last ten minutes again, awakening from their torpor, but Southron goalkeeper Hartmuth works sharply to deny them.

Matchday 15: Serpentine's Voula Logothettis becomes the first manager to get the axe, with the Dragons languishing at the foot of the table, their only point in their last five games coming against equally hapless Greygate (who leapfrog them with a 2-0 win over Armstrong), and the most recent result being torn apart 4-0 by Stahlburg Rovers. Speaking of Stahlburg, Greygate manage their second win of the season over Armstrong in what is now becoming the 'minor Stahlburg derby'. Klaus Petriak gets a brace, celebrating each goal by running to the other end of the pitch just to revel in front of the Armstrong fans. Related note, he gets hit in the head by a coin in the 81st minute. It's one of the old, meaty hundred-pound ones, too - still legal tender! - and he winds up giving it to a ball-boy... before falling over and getting treated for concussion, anyway.

Matchday 16: Gareth Penrooke, an experienced former holding midfielder, former assistant manager at Rozelle and main manager of Wofford Town, is choppered in at AFC Serpentine. He can't oversee immediate success, but the team do look sharper at either end, and press Vermillion Wanderers hard to a noble 3-2 defeat. Penrooke puts his faith in 21-year old striker Roxanna Strong... who promptly scores both their goals to match Kuruc Zalan's miserable tally for the season. Mantlegrove beat Leichhardt 1-0 through Cantra Duprey's strike, with impressive Dryads goalkeeper Lowen Archer wearily telling the press that "I faced more crosses in that 90 minutes than I did in all my years in Ceni." It only intensifies discontent in the retrograde Bruno Hawke.

Matchday 17: Iron City pull the trigger on Alysia Garrett. Understandable, given their one win all season, and their most recent result is a morale-crushing 4-0 thrashing at home to lowly Hackett. Garrett turns on the players, accusing them of trying to get her sacked. If they were, it worked, but Ida Preussler - reminder; 11 goals - looked hurt by the accusation. The Saints have an opportunity to prove they're not all fun and games under Kaj Aurora, and they utterly fail to seize it. They have 71% of the ball, and lose 3-1 at home to Stahlburg City - a goal off a corner, another off a penalty and a third off a straightforward cross to Shi, whose powers are increasing with her waistline in a fashion reminiscent of the world-famous (?) Diette Daleiden. A fat Samson, if you will.

Matchday 18: The sentimental option at Iron City does not take over; that would be Elaine Ashdown. Still too young, most likely, for a relegation dogfight at this level. No, instead 48-year old Reece Benedict comes in - a former Premiership goalkeeper, but he's built up his managerial credit in the lower leagues, and has run up quite a steady resume, most recently Barossia United. He has an immediate impact, switching to a 4-2-3-1 and giving Netzach more freedom, which she rewards with two assists in a 3-1 win over Coret Rovers. And all without a goal from Preussler! Mantlegrove are doing pretty well for themselves in the league, but a newly-promoted side can't afford to get complacent... even against lowly Greygate, who slam them 4-1 away. Okay, the now-35-year old Karena Braham's cooked, but Duvnjak + space = trouble.

Matchday 19: Adalheid Metzelder's Belgrave are in hot form, and have won five and drawn two of their past seven. Greygate are in fine form themselves, two wins and two draws from four, and look to have turned a corner until they come up against the Gargoyles and... well, Augustine Houghton can only watch in horror as Belgrave race to an early 2-1 lead before Matthew Rawson is sent off for scything down Lake (who isn't even properly injured!). Three goals are piled on in the next 20 minutes to end the half, and by the end of the game after tensions have boiled over in a brawl, Greygate have conceded eight goals and have eight men left on the pitch. Still, all but one goal came at double digits, so that's no excuse. "They should've gone for the full forfeit," is all Metzelder has to say. It's not the only nine-goal thriller either, as the Saints ludicrously go behind four times against Mantlegrove only to win 5-4. Kaj Aurora has the biggest smile on her face, which is why unlike the dour Benjamin Nyao the fans don't want her head. Yet.

Matchday 20: Belgrave against Parrhesia is meant to produce goals, but it doesn't - Metzelder apparently tells her side to focus on stifling with high and hard pressing, which goes against their instincts somewhat but pays dividends when some lackadaisical defence from Altman creates an opening for Constance Strober. Strober began the season as backup for big new signing Cohen Alexander - now she's scored seven goals in the last eight games, including the one she now puts past Spyrakis. Meanwhile, Stahlburg City's ability to crush opponents should not go under the radar - it's not just at the back, though Mathis Orsay is by a hilarious margin the league's best defender. But it's with pace, power and directness that they crash down the gates on Extreme Hills, their strength in depth showing as backup rightback Meg Owley gets an assist and Bryson, in a rare start, gets on the scoresheet. Hills barely get a sniff, though the sniff they do get is at least converted by foxy poacher Garrido. The Strongest, meanwhile, take Cranequin Wanderers down to the wire. They're 3-2 ahead going into the 90th minute, but a towering header from Portia Taani proves the Wanderers can go direct with it suits them, before Taani returns the favour for Helena Loxton just two minutes later, holding up a long pass from Butcher, turning under pressure and slipping Loxton through, the canny winger stabbing it between Gilzean's legs.

Matchday 21: Cranequin City have made discipline and defensive fortitude into their watchwords this season. But it all basically turns to shit against South Laithland, who probably deserve a word or two about how they're going. They're, well, not in the promotion picture... and that's for the best, because there's been a yo-yo tendency in recent times for clubs to come up before they're ready, Morningstar. Daniel Kunde, their Cobrio... demonym... manager, has talked about a 'parachute' policy, keeping veterans on hand like Bentzen, Kester and Natasha who can do things like pump Cranequin City 5-0 away, as they duly do; in fact, four of their five recognised senior strikers are in their 30s, including Bandersnatch Smith, who they still have, for some reason. But he's done a good job of integrating young talents like Jurman, odd striker out Cass Lazaridis and fantastically-named Eastfielder defender Journey Pike. Anyway, yeah. They're going okay, on a week where not much else happens.

Matchday 22: For Chatswood, meanwhile, the sense may be that this... is finally their year. Not any more, the overreliance on undercooked local talent. They still have some of that homegrown core, of course, but with hardened veterans like Aleksovic, Rashkin, the surprisingly effective midfield anchor Kouroglou and, up front, Konstanze Luitgard's regular surfeit of goals. Today, she celebrates turning 30 with a brace against The Strongest to top off a 4-0 win. And that, along with Leigh Fletcher's belligerent leadership from the sidelines, is currently dragging them up and up. Coret think they've clinched a vital injury-time winner over fellow strugglers Hackett, but the flag goes up. Sylvia Janik looks despairing, but to her credit, she doesn't let her head drop. A minute and a half later, she's got the ball in the net again. This time, it stands.

Matchday 23: After a late winner from Bruin Goodyouth off the bench, a rewarded switch to 4-4-2 against South Laithland, Cranequin Wanderers are now nine points clear on top, and a staggering nineteen clear of fifth, having won 19 games and staying on track for 120 points. In another season, Stahlburg would be seen as dominant - not only City, who make heavy weather of beating Crisisbless Athletic 4-3, but the Rovers, despite a disappointing draw to West Brinemouth. Kaskanis and Lovelock are proving an unbeatable partnership up front, with excellent service from the creative talents Moxey and Rosborough in midfield. Chatswood in fourth pulp Ritter 4-1, with Brookford and Belgrave the best of the rest and Parrhesia, deadlocked by Cranequin City, languishing in seventh.

The Strongest are, remarkably, 12th - it's fair to say they could still go down, though. Leichhardt, a point and a place beneath, can't score for shit. For argument's sake, let the present relegation picture include everyone with less than a point a match; the bottom seven, as things stand. Hackett beat the Strongest 2-0 through Gallan's brace to claw themselves away from trouble, while a slowly improving Iron City clamber out of the drop zone thanks to beating Greygate. Serpentine clamber off the bottom of the table after edging Goodfeather out, Oiji Nanemoru with an increasingly rare but no less prized bit of inspiration from the right wing and Briggs keeping a clean sheet at the other end, joining Ritter and Crisisbless Athletic on 18 points. On 16, Coret Rovers and Greygate languish.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               23  16  4   3  77  26  +51  52
  2 Sabrefell Moths          23  16  3   4  43  18  +25  51
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       23  14  4   5  36  21  +15  46
  4 Newrook City             23  13  5   5  51  28  +23  44
  5 AFC Treason              23  13  4   6  43  19  +24  43
  6 Starling                 23  13  1   9  39  27  +12  40
  7 Aries Chariots           23  11  4   8  35  29   +6  37
  8 AFC Corvistone           23  11  4   8  33  29   +4  37
  9 Crisisbless              23  11  3   9  31  23   +8  36
 10 Coret Hawks              23  10  5   8  36  28   +8  35
 11 Raven River              23   9  7   7  34  32   +2  34
 12 North Sabrefell          23   8 10   5  33  32   +1  34
 13 Chenoworth Harriers      23  10  4   9  32  31   +1  34
 14 Chenoworth Rovers        23  10  2  11  31  38   -7  32
 15 Creed United             23  10  1  12  30  42  -12  31
 16 Southfell United         23   9  4  10  32  45  -13  31
 17 North Laithland          23   9  2  12  28  47  -19  29
 18 Vermillion Rage          23   8  4  11  44  44   +0  28
 19 Crisisbless United       23   7  5  11  30  38   -8  26
 20 Corvette Maulers         23   6  4  13  24  55  -31  22
 21 Diamondqueen             23   5  3  15  20  38  -18  18
 22 Cypher Town              23   4  4  15  19  37  -18  16
 23 Bishop                   23   3  4  16  16  37  -21  13
 24 Morningstar              23   2  5  16  22  55  -33  11
* The table assumes Nephara retain a top 4 coefficient by the end of the season

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin Wanderers       23  19  3   1  55  16  +39  60
  2 Stahlburg City            23  15  6   2  41  14  +27  51
  3 Stahlburg Rovers          23  14  6   3  35  18  +17  48
  4 Chatswood                 23  14  5   4  35  17  +18  47
  5 Brookford Otters          23  12  5   6  41  23  +18  41
  6 Belgrave                  23  12  5   6  41  30  +11  41
  7 Parrhesia United          23  11  6   6  50  34  +16  39
  8 Vermillion Wanderers      23  11  5   7  31  26   +5  38
  9 Goodfeather FC            23  11  3   9  31  27   +4  36
 10 South Laithland           23  10  5   8  36  26  +10  35
 11 Cranequin City            23  10  5   8  30  32   -2  35
 12 The Strongest             23   9  3  11  35  40   -5  30
 13 Leichhardt                23   8  5  10  20  24   -4  29
 14 West Brinemouth           23   7  7   9  19  27   -8  28
 15 Mantlegrove               23   8  3  12  25  39  -14  27
 16 Extreme Hills             23   6  8   9  32  51  -19  26
 17 Armstrong                 23   5  9   9  22  28   -6  24
 18 Hackett                   23   7  1  15  19  32  -13  22
 19 Iron City                 23   4  7  12  27  43  -16  19
 20 Ritter Town               23   3  9  11  25  37  -12  18
 21 Crisisbless Athletic      23   4  6  13  28  42  -14  18
 22 AFC Serpentine            23   4  6  13  19  36  -17  18
 23 Coret Rovers              23   3  7  13  28  42  -14  16
 24 Greygate                  23   3  7  13  21  42  -21  16

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chardonnay Rangers           23  15   4   4  42  17  +25  49
  2 Peregrine                    23  13   5   5  47  25  +22  44
  3 Rochford                     23  11   9   3  43  21  +22  42
  4 Gonen's Bridge               23  12   5   6  40  26  +14  41
  5 Riverkey                     23   9   8   6  19  16   +3  35
  6 Corinthians No Longer        23  10   5   8  29  37   -8  35
  7 Barossia United              23   9   7   7  26  21   +5  34
  8 Stonegrave                   23   9   7   7  25  21   +4  34
  9 Crossroads Town              23  10   4   9  25  26   -1  34
 10 Alliance Barossia            23   7  12   4  22  20   +2  33
 11 Dartmouth Terriers           23   9   6   8  26  28   -2  33
 12 Pillars of Southfell         23   9   5   9  21  19   +2  32
 13 Locksley                     23   8   7   8  36  32   +4  31
 14 Southriver                   23   8   7   8  36  34   +2  31
 15 Sheridan                     23   8   7   8  22  20   +2  31
 16 Ballardine FC                23   7   8   8  24  29   -5  29
 17 AFC Shale                    23   6   7  10  20  22   -2  25
 18 Iron United                  23   7   4  12  15  29  -14  25
 19 Kommissar                    23   5   7  11  24  32   -8  22
 20 Lazuli Diamonds              23   4  10   9  21  33  -12  22
 21 The Hanged Man               23   5   7  11  11  25  -14  22
 22 Ox River United              23   4   9  10  13  24  -11  21
 23 West Hook                    23   4   9  10  16  28  -12  21
 24 East Laithland Harriers      23   5   5  13  20  38  -18  20

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire        23  18  1   4  53  20  +33  55
  2 Boltcroft Thorns       23  17  3   3  49  19  +30  54
  3 Falston United         23  14  4   5  33  23  +10  46
  4 Autumnstone            23  12  6   5  39  21  +18  42
  5 Fully Sick XI          23  12  5   6  37  29   +8  41
  6 Martella Jazz          23  11  7   5  37  27  +10  40
  7 Strephonage            23  10  6   7  31  34   -3  36
  8 Gosmouth Swans         23  10  5   8  41  30  +11  35
  9 Brindleton             23  10  5   8  29  26   +3  35
 10 Sutcroft               23  10  4   9  29  25   +4  34
 11 Brokenarch             23   9  7   7  27  30   -3  34
 12 Sirencall FC           23  10  2  11  39  37   +2  32
 13 Kensey Town            23   9  5   9  27  30   -3  32
 14 Brunyard FC            23   9  4  10  39  41   -2  31
 15 Falston Town           23   8  3  12  30  28   +2  27
 16 Long Lake              23   7  6  10  19  29  -10  27
 17 Bodkin Road            23   7  4  12  27  47  -20  25
 18 Hartford Glade         23   5  9   9  26  34   -8  24
 19 Sutcroft Athletic      23   6  5  12  25  31   -6  23
 20 South Parrhesia        23   4  9  10  27  38  -11  21
 21 Mapleford              23   5  6  12  27  39  -12  21
 22 Downsparrow            23   5  6  12  25  39  -14  21
 23 Ingram Township        23   3  9  11  16  31  -15  18
 24 Fischer                23   2  5  16  17  41  -24  11

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 FC Seierstad            23  15   6   2  40  16  +24  51
  2 Crownsend Journey       23  16   2   5  59  27  +32  50
  3 Rushe United            23  14   5   4  46  23  +23  47
  4 Harrington              23  13   3   7  37  27  +10  42
  5 Lockheed Zenith         23  12   5   6  38  21  +17  41
  6 Iberia Chenoworth       23  11   6   6  53  36  +17  39
  7 Ringway                 23  11   5   7  33  26   +7  38
  8 Boleyn Town             23  11   2  10  26  19   +7  35
  9 Grovebank               23   9   6   8  29  24   +5  33
 10 Stonesthrow Town        23   8   9   6  28  27   +1  33
 11 Riverkey Shells         23   8   7   8  29  34   -5  31
 12 AFC Hellerine           23   8   5  10  33  37   -4  29
 13 Courser                 23   5  11   7  23  33  -10  26
 14 Sleetwell Rangers       23   7   5  11  24  46  -22  26
 15 Swag Hill Rovers        23   6   6  11  33  49  -16  24
 16 Aspen Grove             23   5   8  10  35  36   -1  23
 17 Chenoworth Teutons      23   5   8  10  16  27  -11  23
 18 Fenland Albion          23   4   6  13  13  26  -13  18
 19 Dross Rovers            23   3   3  17  11  50  -39  12
 20 Capricopia Rangers      23   1   8  14  21  43  -22  11

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Caldwick Strand           23  13  8   2  33  20  +13  47
  2 Stamper Road              23  13  7   3  45  22  +23  46
  3 Brookford Vantablack      23  12  8   3  36  17  +19  44
  4 Pravenna Saints           23  12  5   6  39  23  +16  41
  5 Cranequin Souths          23  11  8   4  32  22  +10  41
  6 Rochford Pilgrims         23  12  3   8  40  23  +17  39
  7 Corvistone City           23  10  6   7  35  21  +14  36
  8 The Travellers FC         23  11  3   9  41  32   +9  36
  9 AFC Burchess              23   9  6   8  30  28   +2  33
 10 Twelvetrees               23   8  5  10  30  31   -1  29
 11 Rookwall                  23   7  7   9  24  28   -4  28
 12 Gridlock                  23   7  7   9  17  21   -4  28
 13 Constance Park            23   6  7  10  19  24   -5  25
 14 South Brill               23   7  3  13  28  32   -4  24
 15 Rhyburn Swifts            23   7  3  13  40  54  -14  24
 16 Brookway Town             23   6  6  11  22  38  -16  24
 17 AFC Volksgarten           23   6  5  12  19  35  -16  23
 18 Corby Hubris              23   6  5  12  22  50  -28  23
 19 Blaze                     23   5  6  12  29  48  -19  21
 20 Coral Bay                 23   4  8  11  18  30  -12  20

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 24, 2018 4:34 pm

Lujendra Mescalin has to laugh, really. It’s the 76th minute and Brinemouth are jumping up and down on River’s bloody corpse, a few zipped passes have just lead to Desya Kuznetsov. Lampshire stands off him, backing off, backing off… until a swivel of the hips and a hammer-blow from a meaty leg takes his third of the night past a despairing Taliadoros. The goalkeeper kneels down on her elbows and knees in time-honoured ‘orz’ fashion… and buckles under the sudden pressure, as Kuznetsov leaps to stand on top of her back and power-stance in front of the home crowd, who fucking love both this and him. Anyway, he gets sent off for what WCC-listed referee Martel Streiber can only describe as “Look, I had to, right?” Taliadoros has no hard feelings, describing it on social media as ‘fuckin painful but p funny honestly’. Anyway, Brinemouth still have time to score a sixth. There’s talk in Vermillion that manager Alexis Spurlock is gone at the end of the season, and that Vermillion are going to immediately spring for Daniella Strauss. Well, Corvette are just too slow and too flaky today, Vermillion pouncing on every misplaced pass or step out of position; a 4-0 win the result, one the Rage needed badly. Cypher pick up a similarly much-needed result against Newrook, and Vardalos’ exciting new plan of ‘get it to Nygard’ appears to be paying dividends. Chenoworth Rovers drag Treason down into a bastardly physical fight, one Treason can’t quite match up with, while their own talismanic striker Murray strikes again in a 2-0 win. But don’t overlook the crafty Misha Paterson, either, whose mix of muscle, cunning and genuine technique raise the question; how the hell has it taken until 26 to get here? North Sabrefell drag down high-flying Aries Chariots and slam four goals past them in the second half, as the Chariots just tire of chasing the ball around midfield.

Not exactly a thriller. Aidan Brosque refutes any and all accusations of complacency; “We were just terrible,” he says, staunchly. That’s a disservice in its own right to a Savojar side that matches Crisisbless for physicality and, on the night, ambition. The Heelers almost snatch a late winner through Tia Drenas, but the veteran striker is clearly knackered after taking it past a couple of defenders and through on goal, and rifles the strike into the side netting.

The axe falls on Leo Santander at North Laithland. Their past nine games had returned a single paltry point, two goals to 25 conceded. The Spiders make their announcement of a follow-up, quickly - it’s Hestia Canaan, after a lot of cash is thrown at basically safe Creed United. The rumour is already out by the time Creed snatch a tasty draw against Crisisbless - say the Creed board, there’s no way in hell Canaan would sign on with a struggling, inferior club. Canaan… does, just a day after the match. “I’m looking forward to having a club with ambitions that match my own,” she says, pointedly. Bishop’s crowd flinch with the anticipation of Brinemouth’s arrival. By the time they’ve stopped flinching, the score remains 0-0… and the match is over. Conan Estelline’s tactic of parking the living fuck out of the bus paid off, and Bishop’s habit of always giving Brinemouth trouble continues. Still, they haven’t scored in five games. Vermillion Rage have no such troubles, though Crisisbless United’s are mounting. Where would the Rage be without Breremond, a player seriously pushing for international recognition? Two goals and two assists in a staggering 8-2 win as the Chequers just lose their nerve, then their heads, Na’Ryibi (who looks a spent force, in truth) sent off on the hour with the score at 4-2, killing any hope of a comeback. Southfell round out a weird couple of weeks for the league with a 4-0 away pummelling of Newrook City. Even Scylla Vyntra, now 35, gets a goal for old times’ sake.

Nothing happens. Which is a pity for the Heelers, who need a goal but can’t force the issue, looking flat and uninspired. They crash out ignominiously on away goals.

Perhaps the worst possible match for Hestia Canaan to jet in with. AFC Treason come to town, North Laithland’s fiercest rivals, and she inherits a team in terrible form. She doesn’t ring the changes yet. Too many of them, anyway. That’s one issue with the squad, is the depth is… not what it should be. They don’t look entirely disjointed, somewhat more solid at the back, but they’re badly missing the injured Deborah Stokes up front - Etheridge is a middling forward, shy of confidence. The Spiders get most of the ball, but lack penetration. Treason do not - Trahearne thrashes home a deserved opener on the half-hour mark, before Ulreich’s high, lofted cross finds John Fletcher to head home. Could be worse. In her absence, Creed United get battered 5-0 by Brinemouth. Southfell’s good run continues, as the sense that Starling are a fading force continues. Injuries aren’t helping, of course - the Passerines belatedly bring in Erik Mevlya for his first start of the season, and he misses a sheaf of chances. Near-namesake Erik Marlowe does not. Southfell, clinical, win 2-0, and Felipa Medina’s job security tightens up again, backed by Metan Cordean being abruptly back in good form again. Crisisbless United twice lose leads against the Moths in a frantic, scrambling match defined by high pressing, second balls and misplaced passes, but nobody can question the technique of the winning goal - Lukas Antelmi flighting a direct free kick up and over the wall, then looping under the bar of the motionless Robert Griffin. Crisisbless, meanwhile, pack it in at half-time - they lead by two goals at home, things seem secure. And then Coret run the show in the second half. Henderson is lazily slammed to the ground by Gandhi for a penalty that Penumbra Amokachi slams into the top corner, before Amokachi turns provider, somehow floating down left, being found by Naeher and floating in a cross for Nikolaidis, charging in from midfield, to run in and head down past Na’Kefir. Crisisbless fight back, and Cormak Lethbridge is forced into a brilliant reflex save with his face to deny countryman Ruhl… and the rebound is hoofed into the sky by a wheeling Constantini, won in the air by Nikolaidis over Bronte, brought down by Henderson, who turns to play in Skapetis, who surges inside Warner fast enough to give her whiplash, feinting past Gandhi (who does not have a good game.) and toe-poking the ball between the charging Na’Kefir’s legs. 4-3, Coret win, and they’re starting to go places all of a sudden.

Since Alexis Stinnett’s strike to take the lead against Brinemouth in round 20, to Tarquin Ulster’s consolation at 4-0 down here… in that space of time, Brinemouth have thumped home 32 unanswered strikes. Last year, Leichhardt only scored 26 all season. So, yeah, that’s a record. One you don’t even really need to check the books for, we’ll just take it on faith, because that’s crazy. Oh, yeah, they’re pretty mad about Ulster’s goal, anyway, so plug three more past the beleagured Brigadier, Cormak Lethbridge, for good measure. The Moths lose track of things early on, three minutes in Jon Haines bringing down Nikola Lindgren with a stray leg, pleading innocence to no avail. But they have the world’s incumbent greatest goalkeeper on their side, right? And Robert Griffin does, in fact, lunge to his left to parry away a poor penalty from Kvanderwyk, but Haight gets to the rebound, sliding home a belated first goal of a poor season so far. Hey, she doubles her money with an assist on the stroke of half-time, playing in Morham, who slides in past Hamilton, then slides the ball past Griffin. Sabrefell hold the better of the second half, picking up a goal through Romano… then a red card for Tawny Shone, opening a gaping hole in midfield that Morham gladly slips into and scores her second and the Crows’ third to seal the points away. Also enjoying a nice trip to Sabrefell are Crisisbless United, who describe their jaunt to Diamondqueen as a six-pointer and promptly get six goals for their troubles.

Southriver, in the middle of the third tier, already have three scalps to their name. AFC Serpentine went down 2-0. Diamondqueen, on penalties. North Sabrefell, in extra time. Now their third consecutive Premiership side from Sabrefell comes calling, and it’s the big one, Athletic. Already, voices around the club are talking about things like ‘well, we’ll get a good payout from this’ and ‘it’s been a damn good run so far’. Jess Mittelberg has other ideas. Just six minutes into the match, with Athletic predictably all over a young, sprightly Southriver and goalkeeper Orion Randwick having saved sharply from out-of-favour striker Salavat Caszely, Mittelberg - a young winger known to only have a left boot - doesn’t bother cutting inside, just takes advantage of Vlahos standing off her to blast one in from outside the box. Swepstone should have done better in goal, but he can only palm it into the roof of his net. Seasoned striker Sinan Uzunlar gets one back on the stroke of half-time, outmuscling his markers and forcing the ball past Randwick, and that would look to have broken Southriver’s backs… except that on the hour mark, Mittelberg’s diagonal cross is nudged home by the outstretched leg of 22-year old striker Alyssa Greening, that just narrowly gets it onto the inside of the post and then the net. Despite the injection of big guns in Coltrane and Ens, there’s no joy for Athletic. Crisisbless have made hard work of pretty much everything this season, and a stubborn Hackett are no exception - Kurtis Laiota strikes an eventual winner, but appears to be tugging on Belsky’s hair to get a leg up on his header. A microcosm of the newly massively-entertaining Chariots at the moment; Armstrong take an early two-goal lead through languid star forward Brogan Poppey’s brace, are plugged back by Kaelin on the verge of half-time, see Fenwick sent off for a second yellow and, after a late flurry, ultimately lose 4-2. Southfell edge Corvistone, Starling are kept waiting until extra time to finally put down a stubborn 10-man Bishop, Newrook throw on Alessa Marconi who comes up with two extra-time assists to sink Coret, and Cypher beat the Rovers on penalties.

A marquee clash, in theory, sees Crisisbless host the Moths. But while the Moths have been flying high all season, Sur Arora’s infectious optimism trickling down throughout their supporters and players, Aidan Brosque’s relentless negativity has had the opposite effect. He has a point when he talks about how injuries have gutted a side that didn’t do enough to strengthen in the window, but, really, they’re the defending champions of the league. They should aspire to more than just kicking the Moths around the park. They don’t seem to, though they have moments - Tia Drenas drills a shot against the bar, Robert Griffin comes out in a flash to snuff out an almost-killer ball from Swan, and Airik Ruhl comes in hard and cleans Griffin out, hitting him in the face with the knee not… intentionally, but carelessly. Griffin’s out cold, and Vicelich squares up to the far taller and broader Ruhl. If that’s meant to intimidate the Moths, it doesn’t work. Crisisbless barely get a sniff, though backup goalkeeper Helene Corridan makes a brilliant save to deny Coppinger on the stroke of half-time. Coppinger can scarcely believe it - that was arrowing into the top corner. The Moths come out at half-time ready to avenge Griffin, and suddenly it’s Crisisbless getting crunched in the tackles and Na’Kefir making the saves, but there’s little he can do when strikes from Romano and then Townsend find the bottom corners. Brinemouth come up against an in-form Rage, and goals are sure to come, right? Well… they don’t. That’s thanks in large part to Leila Ramelow between Vermillion’s posts, but the Rage could have won it had Ramona Porter not missed an injury-time sitter, Bull spilling a shot from Paulsson that seems to trickle right into her path… and she puts it past the post of an empty goal. It ends 1-1; Vermillion’s run of five straight wins comes to an end, sure, but Alexis Spurlock has seen off any threat of relegation. For now, at least. At the bottom of the table, Bishop find themselves very much the odd ones out. While Diamondqueen come out to fight against an apathetic Corvistone, Sett Horn breaking yet another goal drought and then coming out like a whole new player, lively, energetic, scoring again and putting an assist on a plate for strike partner Lyritzis in a 4-1 away win, Morningstar put their bodies on the line against Cypher, breaking through injury time from the substitute forward Lilith Thornwood. Bishop, meanwhile, get bodied 5-0 by Starling at home.

Alright, this is it; the top two, going head to head. For all that, it’s a match higher on quality than full-throttle entertainment; both sides playing their assertive football, and the maiming mostly being limited to Elden’s hatchet-job on Kuznetsov. It works, and indeed it’s through Elden, ah, ‘winning possession’ that they start their counterattack for their goal - his crunching tackle flicking the ball up towards Griffin, who hoofs the ball down the wing to Aedelbrandt, who hits a low cross in that Romano just manages to deflect home. But Brinemouth always score. Brinemouth. Always. Score. Here, it comes through Jazmin Dragana, who has faced a fight for her place this season, but her ability to place one in the bottom corner with her right foot under pressure from Vicelich does give her something of a calling card. 1-1 it ends, and about right, though the Moths will be kicking themselves… if only Vol had aimed anywhere but straight at Bull with a late header. Crisisbless United’s 6-0 hammering at the hands of Sabrefell Athletic winds down a strange sequence of matches. They’d won their last three, off the back of an 8-2 slaughter by Vermillion. Even so, the points add up, and help drag them away from the relegation zone. For Athletic, the main takeaway will be that they rested Oscar Coltrane for once, and nothing bad happened; 18-year old stand-in Elsebeth Celustka came up with a commanding showing in a first league start. Corvette Maulers come up with a stunning show against Corvistone, the Crows just a little too eager to chase and rush as the Maulers stay calm and keep the faith with their plan, the languid Dimitrius running the show from the right wing, Fiona Norval continuing to be decisive. Which is handy, because the Maulers really don’t have much punch off the bench - Patches Rathbone is allowed twenty-five minutes to replace their top scorer, and somehow skies one from four yards out. Cypher Town’s recovery continues with a resilient 1-0 win over the Rovers, Morningstar nearly grab something against Southfell but don’t, while North Sabrefell are ruthless against North Laithland; 3 goals from 3 shots, conceding none from 14.

A day for the reversion to the mean, as almost all the crap teams get demolished. Bishop are dumpstered 3-0 at home by Treason, while Franz Kesteren makes the most of a rare berth in the attacking midfield role to help River batter Morningstar 5-1. The former youth international’s shots prove too hot for a confidence-shorn Jakob Carter to handle, and he winds up with two goals and a clever disguised pass to Donath for an assist. At least Blessed’s still rifling them in for Morningstar. Kesteren remarks after the game that “Christ, Morningstar really are a pack of cunts, are they? It’ll be a relief to everyone when they go down.” Crisisbless United, who are always watchable, get pummeled 7-0 by Corvistone, Crisisbless massage some life back into them with a 6-1 demolition of an all-too-open Corvette, and Brinemouth maim Diamondqueen 8-1 as Jonason is obliging to his hometown club, failing to make a single save. Cypher manage to avoid the onslaught, though North Sabrefell grab an opportunistic opener against them nine minutes in - Ruo Xiaolan and Erika Wolff both contest a Stinnett cross, neither exactly wins but Ruo definitely loses, and Kranevitter stretches to tap home the bouncing ball. But Cypher tighten up, the Bohemians fail to break through, and in the 78th minute Mei Hamilton breaks through, shapes to centre for Nygard and instead rattles it past a stranded Sparr for the leveller.

There were two obvious choices for what to watch this weekend. The purists were treated to a fantastic Crisisbless derby. Hosts United a poor side on the way up; Crisisbless, defending champions crashing down to earth. No clear favourite, then. United started full of confidence, rattling passes through the midfield but always looking vulnerable to the counter - still, they deserve the first goal, a slick team effort that ends with nominal leftback Soto surging through the middle to prod a slick through-ball in for Rivers to jab home. But as United fans know all too well, Soto giveth, Soto taketh away - it’s a slack pass from him that’s picked up by Coppinger, who finds Ruhl essentially unmarked in the box with a cross that’s duly headed home. United are shaken, but just about hold out until the interval - but then they come out firing again. Suddenly, every strike they make seems to land on target, every pass seems to stick, and goals from Antelmi, Novkovic and Kitzbichler threaten to make this a humiliation before Leona Rafford curls one past the goalkeeper from outside the box to restore some respectability to the scoreline. Still, a deserved win for United. Meanwhile, nihilists and masochists flocked to Bishop’s visit to Morningstar, the two worst teams in the league by a distance. Hey, they even both play in black - though for obvious reasons, Bishop were in white and red. It’s terrible. Two sides both low on confidence, and it shows - Krieven is beaten by his near post, slapping a strike from Blessed deeper into his own net, while a guileless foul from Andreas on Huyton lets Penbrooke have a penalty he promptly crashes into the bar. But shambolic defending from a corner (with Krieven up in the box!), and Carter spilling the ball through a mass of bodies, lets centre-half Ierardi hammer home the equaliser in extra time. Cypher and Diamondqueen pick up wins at the bottom to get further away.

Creed United haven’t won a game since Hestia Canaan left. Worryingly, that streak continues after they host Morningstar. Okay, so there’s some injuries, but you’d expect Axel Korborg to rattle a few past Carter, Conway to have a field day against Carney, Barbarouses to dominate Ryder. It doesn’t happen. Ana Kuijer, for the Warriors, is back from an injury of her own, and she just seems to bring that little extra out of the side. Rarely something so obvious as curling in a strike from outside the box in the 17th minute; more often something like, five minutes later, slipping in the erratic Tsiavis, who recovers from a heavy first touch to leather it past Matraxis. Morningstar deserve the lead, too, and boos ring down around Gardengate. Disjointed as they are, Creed pull one back on the stroke of half-time through Conway, finally wriggling free of Carney to plant one by Carter, but it’s undone by a hen’s-tooth Karo Vanstrattan strike on a half-volley that rocketed into the roof of the net from twenty yards. Jennifer Hooper had been in charge of the Oathmen, former assistant to Canaan - well, that ends now. They bring in Cheney Rutherford, who is doing good work with Vermillion Wanderers, to steady the ship.

With the coefficient where it is, you don’t suppose the Moths could’ve slipped their Heeler mates a word, don’t you? Maybe told them Qastyr are no joke? But a curling strike from Ozolx-Mazur, cutting in from the wing, crashes against the upright just two minutes in, and Bajnok hoofs it away for a corner. It’s a warning unheeded; Helek-Nenzi is given too much room outside the area by an uncharacteristically permissive Maeve Bronte (she’s been poor all season, relative to her incumbent POTS status - fatigue, perhaps? She did come from Port Christopher) and plants it in the top corner. Crisisbless can’t muster a fightback, and Brosque berates a ‘gutless’ performance. The Moths fare better, but still fall victim to a last-minute equaliser as their expensive, shiny new defenders fall asleep at a corner. Griffin looks unimpressed.

In Turori the next day, Cedniavella have far better luck. Perhaps luck is a disservice. They’re good and Starling are fucking terrible, and an ugly 5-0 scoreline is the result.

It’s been an odd season. As has been the case surprisingly often, the best match on paper proves the poorest watch, Athletic unable to crack Crisisbless. The Heelers probably shade it, and have their case enhanced when Staunton’s cross is surely deflected by Fox’s hand. But the referee claimed it was a natural position. Brosque railed about it after the match, but did they really deserve to win? Uzunlar, deputising for the injured Hawke, nearly snatched it late on when gifted the ball unmarked as Na’Kefir could only parry Coltrane’s strike, but he rushed his shot into the side netting from eight yards. Cypher against Southfell, meanwhile, is a better watch than it has any right to be. Not for the first time this season it’s Olivia Nygard who bails the Eagles out of the fire, a second-half brace found as Voeller’s through-balls hit her hanging off Grant’s shoulder, and she hits the bottom corners of the net with scary accuracy. It doesn’t go all her way - she has the chance to get a hat-trick when Fairfax is bundled down by Vercauteren in the box, but her penalty is too close to the centre, and is beaten away by Aldous. Still, her goals get Cypher the points. The Hawks and Rooks are supposedly circling. Then again, do the Rooks really need a new striker? They put five past Corvette almost casually, Ocokoljic at the heart of things even when, due to injury and rotation, he winds up as the nominal spearhead alongside the inexperienced Tatiana Brandis. No matter; he slides her the ball for the first goal, her first of the season, before notching two of his own, as Corvette have no answer to Newrook’s quick, incisive movement. The Moths flatten the Chariots with four unanswered goals in the first half, Aries only mounting a feeble fightback in the second half, while the Rovers’ routine 2-0 win over Creed is dampened only by Ender Fife’s fourth red card of the season for scything down Theoharous just outside the box. The Rovers are no pushovers, but the entire rest of the team only has two between them.

Crisisbless start markedly better this time, but Qastyr have the lead anyway by the half-hour mark, Helek-Nenzi from midfield again. It’s not enough time for the Heelers to break down their opposition, who understandably hunker the hell down; Drenas and Coppinger hit back in the second half, but the Heelers crash out on away goals. The Moths fare better, at least, to be the last standing; Vol’s first-half brace of headers gives them the advantage, and while a spectacular own goal from Elden in the 80th minute makes things tense, the Tide can’t take it to extra time - thanks in part to some sharp work from Griffin in goal.

Okay, so Starling unsurprisingly pick their second- and third-string, two players making their senior starting debuts, and they’re outplayed. That shouldn’t distract from Cedniavella’s achievement. But, Christ, it’s like they don’t even care about the coefficient!

Brinemouth, unbeaten in 18, are full of little statistical quirks this season. Here’s one for you; their position right now would have won the league in the 64 season. They have the same 79 points as Starling did, and a goal difference advantage of a faintly obscene 65. They pad that out thanks to a 4-1 hammering - nothing unusual - of Crisisbless. Who are twelfth. Aidan Brosque has cut an increasingly irritable figure on the sidelines, and has reportedly fallen out with key figures such as Coppinger, Swan and Molovi. It’s a little unfair on the Moths, really, who demolish Treason 3-0 away from home thanks in large part to the fact that key players down the spine are just better - the Fletchers are good, but not great, while Trahearne isn’t a UICA-grade first-choice schemer. The Moths would be on title track in almost any other season. Athletic win as well, but are nine points adrift of Brinemouth - can you see the Dockers even dropping nine points over the rest of the season? Newrook are joined by, oddly, North Sabrefell in the top six, with Starling’s precarious position in seventh (after a frustrating draw against closest geographic rivals Corvette) dependent on the increasingly fragile coefficient. The Hawks and Chariots are in striking range, with both Chenoworth sides beneath them. They’re seemingly joined at the hip, this season.

The fightback is getting intense to avoid relegation - at least, 1.5 slots of it. Diamondqueen drag themselves closer to salvation with a last-minute winner over the Chariots away, Sett Horn having a rare moment of joy, with the Maulers in the playoff place. Cypher and Creed are two points above, but while the Eagles are prospering under Andrea Vardalos, the Oathmen are plummeting under Stone. North Laithland and, at a stretch, Crisisbless United could also be dragged into the picture. At the very bottom, Bishop and Morningstar have identical W-D-L records after contrasting weekends, the Cardinals edging North Laithland 1-0 in a dire match, Morningstar annihilated 8-0 by Vermillion in a match where Carney and Ryder see red, Feist’s season ends after he goes down badly after twisting in possession and fourth-choice centre-half Barry Inkster, given a shot at leftback, haplessly nutmegs his own goalkeeper Carter for the seventh goal. With twelve games to play, both sides are thirteen points away from even the half-safety of the playoffs. Helena Fleischer, heroic for them last season, gets the axe more out of a sense of obligation than any real joy, and assistant manager Gwen Saunders is handed the reins on an interim basis.

Matchday 24: Stahlburg Rovers manager Elrik Raskine really doesn't help himself sometimes. The appropriate reaction for a promotion-chasing club upon going down 4-0 to Cranequin City - a side quietly building something, Niko Rosmalen an aggressive mercenary but one with the class to drag a side up the league who here powers home two strikes from outside the box, and in Kirsten Gemmill an SPL-proven marksman - is not to shrug and say, "Sometimes that's what happens." Ritter Town fall into the relegation despite a battling scoreless draw against Hackett, speculation intensifying around Andrea Crowe's future as manager - sterling saves from Fleftic international Ursula Qatinitiki keep Crisisbless Athletic in against Vermillion before an ugly, bundled goal from Suttner saw them through, while Coret Rovers batter the Strongest 3-0 away.

Matchday 25: No sooner do the Stallions drop into the bottom four than they claw their way out of it, coming to relegation rivals Coret Rovers and thrasing them 5-0. Arista Tzorvas has been the Stallions' shining light this season, but she's out with an injury - no matter, as contrasting Daineri deputies in the hulking Ganimedes and the lithe Naga both find the scoresheet, while Fenchel and Bickermann let their Premiership experience shine through in midfield. "The gaffer's been emphasising making better use of our qualities in the centre, rather than going wide all the time," POTM Fenchel says pointedly after the match. Their wingers haven't looked up to much, though Yew does find a goal here. Cranequin Wanderers against the Saints promises goals, yet winds up scoreless, goalkeepers Sirleaf and Spyrakis the stars, while a headed brace off set pieces from defender Mathis Orsay sees the Smiths edge out Belgrave against the run of play.

Matchday 26: All of a sudden, the Stallions are on a roll - Tzorvas comes back from injury to head one of four past the Strongest, with Fenchel again decisive in midfield. Things haven't really improved enough for Serpentine, and already there's pressure on new manager Gareth Penrooke. He says the right things, he goes down and drinks in the right pubs, he's approachable and experienced, but being picked apart 4-1 by Iron City just isn't acceptable. Annika Netzach uses is as an opportunity to showcase her talents as a midfield schemer on her 21st birthday, finding two goals and an assist between the lines. Cranequin Wanderers choke Stahlburg Rovers to death in a 1-0 win, Vahid Kudelka blazing in a low strike from outside the box on the hour mark.

Matchday 27: The Wanderers look to repeat the feat against the Dragons, and it seems to be going well up to the 80-minute mark. Taani's marked out of the game by Armbruster, but Leonardo Ford dinks a volley over a stranded Briggs for a go-ahead goal. But then Robin Seizter overstretches in tackling Nanemoru, then explodes at the referee - a combination which earns him a second yellow card. The Wanderers have no substitutes, and Dragons substitute Ashley Keoman finds so much space in the middle to slot a 91st-minute equaliser past Sirleaf from outside the box. It could've been even better - Roxanna Strong has a forceful shot beaten away onto the upright by Sirleaf, then headed to safety by Jantzer. Chatswood beat Parrhesia 2-0 through cynicism and a handball from Vestal, while Stahlburg stall against the Gulls.

Matchday 28: Ritter goalkeeper Anna St. Preux has kept four clean sheets in a row, but it's broken by Leichhardt. The Stallions dominate the run of play, really, but Riverhound clumsily hacks down overlapping fullback Woodruff on the edge of the box, and Auttenberg makes no mistake from the spot. Greygate are feckless in a 2-0 defeat to struggling Coret Rovers in a match where even clearly past-it Rovers captain Gareth Brewer has a comfortable evening; Augustine Houghton pays for it with his job. Juergen Stone, former AFC Treason assistant, takes over, but have the horses already bolted?

Matchday 29: The Saints snap an eight-match winless run, and it unsurprisingly coincides with the return from injury of fiery winger Sigrun Barota, who masterminds a 3-0 win over Coret Rovers. The Saints' lack of depth has been painfully apparent this season - their starting XI is a match for anyone in the league. The second string? Not so much. Meanwhile, as Leichhardt fall to a limp 1-0 defeat against Vermillion, the pressure around Bruno Hawke - an old-school manager, perhaps used to old-school job security - is reaching fever pitch. Leichhardt expected a promotion push; they're floating aimlessly in midtable, Mariska Woodspur shackled by injury, Silkman and Auttenberg just not as effective as hoped.

Matchday 30: A hotly-anticipated, top of the table clash between Cranequin Wanderers and Stahlburg City... is a disappointment. They successfully stifle each other, and have enough defensive discipline for Stahlburg to blunt Cranequin's possession and Cranequin to beat back Stahlburg's long balls, towering throwback Ciprian Jantzer having a lot of work to do. The Wanderers are now winless in four - they'd only failed to win four over the entire first half of the season. It sums up what is, in essence, a pretty miserable week for the neutral. A good one for the Hound, though, as a last-minute winner from Desdemona Schuster squirts awfully through Aleksovic's fingers to seal a win over Chatswood.

Matchday 31: After dull fixtures against one another, Cranequin Wanderers annihilate an overly permissive Crisisbless Athletic 4-0 - third-string striker Paul Leonhardsen notching a brace in his first league start of the season in a fillip for their attacking depth - while the Smiths beat Brookford Otters - a strong side, chasing promotion - by the same scoreline. Hackett are definitely limited, but they make up for it with defensive discipline and spirit. They beat Extreme Hills 2-0, who are made to pay for their flakiness in front of goal and their lax marking - Varga Neury, who has been in fits and starts the player the Merry Boys need him to be, gets both goals just by charging down the middle and smashing it past Tournay.

Matchday 32: Cheney Rutherford's last match in charge of Vermillion Wanderers is a 3-0 hammering of West Brinemouth, Kovaleski, Pinnon and Coe doing the damage, before he's waved off happily to Creed. Rutherford did well to stabilise and build up the Wanderers, and his departure was inevitable. Meanwhile, the Dragons take three points in a scrappy 1-0 win over a backsliding the Strongest, who started the season very (aptly) strongly but are winless in thirteen. What to do about a problem like manager Lorelei Redruth? She's well-loved and has an excellent past year and a half to her name, but can she actually lift the club out of its tailspin? And if not, can you justify sacking her?

Matchday 33: Coret Rovers have pulled off a lot of escape acts in the past. It's stunts like this that make you think they'll do it again. Even moderately useless shitters like Roman and Covington suddenly look lethal, as a third-minute penalty - Spinnett felled by the hulking thug Yeoman - opens the floodgates against Armstrong. Brewer thunders home the spot-kick. Everything the Rovers try is pulled off, a sign of the difference confidence makes, and the result is a 5-0 thrashing. Parrhesia show their flair by going up 4-1 at half-time; they show their glass jaw, and the Southrons their resilience, when it's clawed back to 4-4 by full time. Cobre manager Daniel Kunde announces he's never been prouder of 'the lads' by the end of the match, which perhaps does not extend to his red-faced defenders.

Matchday 34: The Wanderers are hamstrung by a 3-3 draw at home to Goodfeather, finally finding their match in a bitty but technical side determined to match them in midfield. So now they're... on 80 points, more than Brinemouth. Chenoworth Rovers' 20-year record of 106 points looms for the taking. Stahlburg City are ten points behind, and ten ahead of fifth; Rovers, three points behind, Chatswood three further. An impressive, flashy Brookford looks likeliest to overhaul them, sweeping Belgrave away 3-0, but less fashionable Cranequin City and Vermillion Wanderers are close by, too. Granted, the Wanderers just lost their manager to Creed, but replacement Seneca Matthews takes over with a bang, steering them to a 1-0 win away against City. Catric Pinnon strikes the only goal of the game from midfield in a game he orchestrates, seemingly with far more freedom than Rutherford afforded him.

The relegation battle, meanwhile, is fascinating. Strongest, Serpentine, Hills, Hackett, Athletic; 17th through 21st, split by a single point. The Hounds drill three unanswered goals past Ritter Town, who along with Coret Rovers are five points from safety but look like they might have enough about them to stay up. Greygate? Yeah, there's no chance. They never even lay a glove on Parrhesia in a 2-0 defeat, Petriak is their top scorer with 8, nobody else has more than three, they can't defend and heads have dropped. They're fifteen points adrift, and it would take a miracle that Juergen Stone doesn't seem about to induce. Who will replace them? As things stand, Chardonnay, Peregrine and Rochford - a familiar foe by a new name, a new name and a regular - are favourites.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               34  24   7   3  115  33  +82  79
  2 Sabrefell Moths          34  24   4   6   69  29  +40  76
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       34  21   7   6   61  31  +30  70
  4 AFC Treason              34  20   6   8   58  24  +34  66
  5 Newrook City             34  18   8   8   71  43  +28  62
  6 North Sabrefell          34  16  13   5   55  39  +16  61
  7 Starling                 34  18   4  12   56  38  +18  58
  8 Coret Hawks              34  16   7  11   53  45   +8  55
  9 Aries Chariots           34  15   7  12   54  44  +10  52
 10 Chenoworth Rovers        34  15   6  13   49  50   -1  51
 11 Chenoworth Harriers      34  14   8  12   51  46   +5  50
 12 Crisisbless              34  14   6  14   49  42   +7  48
 13 AFC Corvistone           34  14   6  14   54  55   -1  48
 14 Vermillion Rage          34  13   7  14   76  65  +11  46
 15 Raven River              34  11  10  13   49  55   -6  43
 16 Southfell United         34  12   6  16   47  63  -16  42
 17 Crisisbless United       34  11   5  18   48  70  -22  38
 18 North Laithland          34  11   3  20   36  64  -28  36
 19 Cypher Town              34   9   7  18   32  48  -16  34
 20 Creed United             34  10   4  20   36  68  -32  34
 21 Corvette Maulers         34   9   5  20   43  88  -45  32
 22 Diamondqueen             34   8   4  22   37  70  -33  28
 23 Bishop                   34   4   7  23   21  59  -38  19
 24 Morningstar              34   4   7  23   32  83  -51  19
* The table assumes Nephara retain a top 4 coefficient by the end of the season

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Cranequin Wanderers       34  24   8   2  70  22  +48  80
  2 Stahlburg City            34  20  10   4  59  23  +36  70
  3 Stahlburg Rovers          34  20   7   7  47  30  +17  67
  4 Chatswood                 34  18  10   6  51  30  +21  64
  5 Brookford Otters          34  18   6  10  59  35  +24  60
  6 Cranequin City            34  18   6  10  53  40  +13  60
  7 Vermillion Wanderers      34  17   8   9  42  32  +10  59
  8 Parrhesia United          34  16   8  10  67  49  +18  56
  9 South Laithland           34  16   6  12  53  38  +15  54
 10 Leichhardt                34  15   6  13  32  32   +0  51
 11 Belgrave                  34  14   8  12  49  45   +4  50
 12 Goodfeather FC            34  15   5  14  44  41   +3  50
 13 West Brinemouth           34  10  12  12  27  36   -9  42
 14 Armstrong                 34   9  12  13  29  40  -11  39
 15 Mantlegrove               34  11   5  18  35  54  -19  38
 16 Iron City                 34   9  10  15  43  53  -10  37
 17 The Strongest             34  10   5  19  43  61  -18  35
 18 AFC Serpentine            34   9   8  17  35  53  -18  35
 19 Extreme Hills             34   8  11  15  43  72  -29  35
 20 Hackett                   34  10   4  20  29  45  -16  34
 21 Crisisbless Athletic      34   8  10  16  44  61  -17  34
 22 Ritter Town               34   6  11  17  37  49  -12  29
 23 Coret Rovers              34   7   8  19  44  60  -16  29
 24 Greygate                  34   3  10  21  25  59  -34  19

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chardonnay Rangers           34  19   9   6  54  25  +29  66
  2 Peregrine                    34  19   8   7  72  37  +35  65
  3 Rochford                     34  18  10   6  55  32  +23  64
  4 Gonen's Bridge               34  18   7   9  54  37  +17  61
  5 Dartmouth Terriers           34  16  10   8  48  34  +14  58
  6 Stonegrave                   34  14  11   9  36  26  +10  53
  7 Riverkey                     34  14  10  10  29  23   +6  52
  8 Alliance Barossia            34  13  13   8  33  34   -1  52
  9 Barossia United              34  13  12   9  36  29   +7  51
 10 Pillars of Southfell         34  13  10  11  31  27   +4  49
 11 Corinthians No Longer        34  13   8  13  44  52   -8  47
 12 Locksley                     34  12  10  12  45  40   +5  46
 13 Ballardine FC                34  10  14  10  34  37   -3  44
 14 Southriver                   34  12   8  14  50  59   -9  44
 15 Sheridan                     34  11   9  14  31  35   -4  42
 16 Crossroads Town              34  12   5  17  36  44   -8  41
 17 Kommissar                    34  10   9  15  37  47  -10  39
 18 AFC Shale                    34   9  10  15  27  32   -5  37
 19 East Laithland Harriers      34  10   7  17  35  50  -15  37
 20 Ox River United              34   6  15  13  22  34  -12  33
 21 West Hook                    34   6  14  14  27  41  -14  32
 22 The Hanged Man               34   7  10  17  22  42  -20  31
 23 Lazuli Diamonds              34   5  15  14  37  55  -18  30
 24 Iron United                  34   8   6  20  21  44  -23  30

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Aries Solitaire        34  25   2   7  74  33  +41  77
  2 Boltcroft Thorns       34  23   4   7  83  40  +43  73
  3 Falston United         34  21   8   5  55  34  +21  71
  4 Autumnstone            34  18   7   9  57  35  +22  61
  5 Fully Sick XI          34  17   8   9  57  45  +12  59
  6 Strephonage            34  16   8  10  47  42   +5  56
  7 Gosmouth Swans         34  16   7  11  64  48  +16  55
  8 Brindleton             34  15   6  13  45  42   +3  51
  9 Kensey Town            34  14   8  12  44  43   +1  50
 10 Brokenarch             34  13   9  12  38  43   -5  48
 11 Martella Jazz          34  11  14   9  51  45   +6  47
 12 Sutcroft               34  12   9  13  43  42   +1  45
 13 Sirencall FC           34  14   3  17  53  64  -11  45
 14 South Parrhesia        34  10  13  11  48  47   +1  43
 15 Brunyard FC            34  12   6  16  54  63   -9  42
 16 Long Lake              34  10  12  12  24  35  -11  42
 17 Falston Town           34  12   5  17  49  52   -3  41
 18 Hartford Glade         34  10  10  14  44  48   -4  40
 19 Bodkin Road            34  10   6  18  38  66  -28  36
 20 Sutcroft Athletic      34   7  11  16  32  42  -10  32
 21 Mapleford              34   8   8  18  44  62  -18  32
 22 Downsparrow            34   7   9  18  36  59  -23  30
 23 Ingram Township        34   5  14  15  25  42  -17  29
 24 Fischer                34   5   7  22  29  62  -33  22

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                     P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 FC Seierstad            34  22   7   5  64  31  +33  73
  2 Rushe United            34  21   6   7  69  35  +34  69
  3 Crownsend Journey       34  20   5   9  73  40  +33  65
  4 Harrington              34  20   4  10  58  39  +19  64
  5 Ringway                 34  18   7   9  49  34  +15  61
  6 Lockheed Zenith         34  18   6  10  55  35  +20  60
  7 Iberia Chenoworth       34  14   9  11  75  61  +14  51
  8 Stonesthrow Town        34  13  12   9  45  39   +6  51
  9 Boleyn Town             34  14   5  15  33  29   +4  47
 10 Grovebank               34  13   8  13  38  41   -3  47
 11 Riverkey Shells         34  13   8  13  46  52   -6  47
 12 Courser                 34  12  11  11  36  47  -11  47
 13 Aspen Grove             34  11  10  13  48  47   +1  43
 14 Chenoworth Teutons      34   9  10  15  27  40  -13  37
 15 AFC Hellerine           34   9   9  16  49  53   -4  36
 16 Sleetwell Rangers       34   9   8  17  36  63  -27  35
 17 Swag Hill Rovers        34   9   7  18  44  74  -30  34
 18 Fenland Albion          34   9   6  19  26  35   -9  33
 19 Dross Rovers            34   8   4  22  26  63  -37  28
 20 Capricopia Rangers      34   3   8  23  30  69  -39  17

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Caldwick Strand           34  19   9   6  49  32  +17  66
  2 Rochford Pilgrims         34  20   5   9  62  32  +30  65
  3 Stamper Road              34  18   9   7  64  36  +28  63
  4 Pravenna Saints           34  18   8   8  58  31  +27  62
  5 Brookford Vantablack      34  18   8   8  51  28  +23  62
  6 Cranequin Souths          34  16  13   5  53  34  +19  61
  7 Gridlock                  34  13  10  11  34  30   +4  49
  8 Twelvetrees               34  13   9  12  40  40   +0  48
  9 Corvistone City           34  12  10  12  39  31   +8  46
 10 AFC Burchess              34  12  10  12  47  45   +2  46
 11 Rookwall                  34  12   8  14  42  45   -3  44
 12 The Travellers FC         34  12   6  16  50  51   -1  42
 13 Brookway Town             34  10   9  15  32  51  -19  39
 14 South Brill               34  11   5  18  37  44   -7  38
 15 Blaze                     34  10   8  16  43  60  -17  38
 16 AFC Volksgarten           34  10   8  16  29  46  -17  38
 17 Constance Park            34   9   8  17  30  40  -10  35
 18 Rhyburn Swifts            34  10   5  19  47  71  -24  35
 19 Corby Hubris              34   8   9  17  33  65  -32  33
 20 Coral Bay                 34   6   9  19  30  58  -28  27

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 31, 2018 6:13 pm

It’s the quarterfinals, really, where the Cup really takes on its picture. Crisisbless against Newrook City is the obvious marquee clash, the defending champions of the league hoping to at least find some silverware, and they’re off to a good start - Leona Rafford’s cross finds Airik Ruhl’s foot, finds the net. The two of them, difficult characters in the dressing room, both go to bat for him with the press after the match. Rafford in particular has probably been the least disappointing figure this season, but her frustration is getting to her, and a yellow she picks up suspends her for the next two games (including the second leg) through accumulation. Southfell against River is a tie between two sides who are going to finish midtable and should have nothing better to do than tilt for the Cup, but neither really makes a good showing of it. For the Tanners, Yolandi Heimat has a lively match and hits the outside of the post with a stinging free kick, underlining her worth in the team relative to Cordean, who has had a dismal season and looks likely to be vendored before next year. The biggest shock comes in Sabrefell, though that’s, you know, a 75% chance of happening anyway. Aries Chariots are another team who should really just go for the Cup, but Isla Safarova decides to rest key players in the admittedly overworked Seamster and Brill, and persists with designated Cup goalkeeper Jasper Kirkland. Kirkland is an okay 26-year old. But it would be hard to see Vance Commerford letting a weak strike from Alexa Ferryman trickle between his legs, or flap at Hamilton’s cross to let Coretta Rooke head home at the far post. He’s relatively blameless for Rooke’s second and, off the bench, a thunderclap from the out-of-favour Sophia Petridis, but the result is a 4-0 away win for struggling Cypher Town. Starling get the cushiest draw of all, hosting Southriver. Southriver, 55 places below in the league pyramid. Southriver, with three Premiership scalps already. And they make heavy weather of it, regardless. Southriver, to their credit, do try and cause some mischief going forward in the first half, before a casual pass from Aschenbach slices them open on the counterattack with almost embarrassing ease, Corvalan streaks clear, drags goalkeeper Orion Randwick wide before centring for Halfhill to hammer home. Southriver defend hard in the second half, Randwick in goal performing heroics to keep the score down to 1-0, and… you know, they could still do it.

Sabrefell Athletic host the Dockers, and surely must win to stay in the title race. They step up to the mark, and bring an end to Brinemouth’s 18-match unbeaten streak in the process. Tom Benedict threw in another midfielder in Valerie Webber to keep things honest in the middle and let Kaya Naumoff focus on banging heads together - given that their arguable best player in Ens is ‘sacrificed’ for this, which is to say shunted out to right wing, it’s a controversial decision. But it pays off. Conjure and Soederquist are penned in and pegged down, and a leg-breaking challenge from veteran deputy rightback Maeon Vlahos on Jazmin Dragana both curtails the Chromatik and shows the sceptics why the 32-year old was worth the 3m fee - he keeps her quiet all day, as well as her eventual replacement Deventer. Athletic have the better of the first half, giving Ryan Bull plenty of snap-shots to think babout. For all that, Brinemouth have a fair penalty shout turned down on the stroke of half-time, one which really reinforces how important home advantage is. Sometimes, it’s just your day. In the second half, Ens dribbles past Close with the slightest of excuses before centring for Hawke to hammer home, before getting on the scoresheet when he cuts inside to meet Ojala’s diagonal ball, effortlessly takes it down with his right before flicking past the colossal Bull with his left, one touch after the other. Things are almost made interesting again late on, a powerful strike from Tidesson tipped onto the inside of the post by Gautier, which bounces almost onto the other post, before Farina, racing to cover, manages to hook it away without bundling it over the line. The Moths must surely capitalise. They don’t. Unbelievably, the new manager bounce of Gwen Saunders seems to transform Morningstar - yes, fucking Morningstar - into world-beaters overnight. The solution apparently involved a 35-year old Tristan Lavendor, which just goes to show you football makes no damn sense. On the far younger end of things, Lilith Thornwood sets up Martin Blessed for the only goal of the game. Crisisbless annihilate the Harriers 4-0, and after being taken off, troublemaking Harrier forward Tom Whittaker wrestles the fourth official’s board out of his hands, breaks it over his knee and storms down the tunnel before anyone can stop him. Back in Chenoworth, Vermillion outplay the Rovers conclusively, but sloppy set-piece marking pegs them to 3-3 by the 90th minute… at which point the gifted but inexperienced rightback Melosa Salek violates the one core rule of defending. Do not. Pass it square. Across the face of goal. A routine pass to Barksdale becomes a routine pass to Eastfielder countrywoman Nya Murray, who scores the winner.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 79, +80
2. Moths - 76, +39
3. Athletic - 73, +32
4. Treason - 69, +35
5. Newrook - 62, +26
6. Starling - 61, +19
7. North Sabrefell - 61, +13
8. Hawks - 58, +11
9. Chariots - 55, +11
10. Rovers - 54, 0

17. North Laithland - 39, -27
18. Crisisbless Utd - 38, -23
19. Cypher - 35, -16
20. Creed - 34, -33
21. Corvette - 33, -46
22. Diamondqueen - 28, -34
23. Morningstar - 22, -50
24. Bishop - 20, -38

Crisisbless’ season really could be soundtracked by the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme by this point. Aidan Brosque makes a big show of rolling his eyes and shouting and chuckling while shaking his head as Newrook get the edge in 50/50 after 50/50. At least, that’s how he sees it. Sure, Newrook seem to get the rub of the green, and three shots on target go past Pawlo Marciak for three goals, the veteran goalkeeper tragically not the force he once was. Brosque is eventually sent to the stands, where, man, is he lucky the fans are still more or less on his side. Somehow. The dull as mud River vs. Southfell affair petres out with a goal, at least. Heimat, who had been threatening it last game, gets her reward when one of her hard strikes finds the top corner past a despairing Bowerman. Cypher bring their best to bear against the Chariots, hoping to build some confidence with Vardalos presumably, and rightly, predicting a B-list opponent would turn up. They’re correct, complete with third-choice goalkeeper Erhard Klein between the posts. They win 2-0. Meanwhile, in South Sabrefell, the unbelievable happens. In the 14th minute, a sell-out crowd in the four digits gets to see a clever through-ball from Lisa Rhyland split Starling’s high line, young striker Alyssa Greening breaking free, recovering from a heavy first touch to round Andreas Sparwasser, and roll the ball into an empty net. Ahead on the day, level on aggregate… it can’t last. It doesn’t. The Souths defend bravely, but Corvalan is bodied in the area and wins a penalty that he puts confidently past Randwick, before the lively midfielder Excelsior Stroud rounds two men, turns on a penny and drags a shot slowly but decisively across Randwick into the bottom corner.

Andrea Vardalos is not holding back. “We need to take three points from Creed,” she tells the press. “It’s non-negotiable.” The embattled Cheney Rutherford, at the head of Creed and very conscious he has yet to find his first win, cuts a stressed figure on the touchline who looks like he’s having serious regrets about leaving Vermillion. Key players in Conway, Theoharous, Bristoll and Sanger are injured; others, such as Matraxis and the misfiring Dejan Corvell, are in poor form. Rutherford drops Matraxis, but keeps the faith in Corvell, putting him up front in a 4-3-1-2 that mirrors Cypher and aims to minimise the absence of their best wingers by not playing them. Corvell rewards the faith; though he scuffs an early presentable chance wide, causing groans from the home fans, a swift passage of play four minutes later sees Keskin slam down Petridis in a firm-but-fair challenge, the young and combative Zander scoop the ball up for Barbarouses, who turns and slides it in to Korborg a second before being cleaned out by Roben - the referee, thankfully, plays advantage - and Korborg’s lazy disguised pass plays in Corvell, who finds the bottom corner. His first goal in ten games. The only goal of this game, as Rodrigues and Valeria hold firm at the back and stand-in goalkeeper Byron Caldwick’s decisiveness makes a refreshing change to the far more talented but confidence-shot Matraxis. It says a lot about the game that Creed’s 24-year old defensive midfielder Keskin is man of the match, but the defiant homegrown player fronts up to the press after the match and insists ‘the boys are all behind Rutherford, and we’re ready to drag ourselves out of trouble’. It’s a blow to Cypher, as the two sides beneath them take points, too. The Maulers will probably value theirs more, deserved reward for taking the game to Treason, while Diamondqueen will see a missed opportunity to stomp on Morningstar as two points lost. “It’s more than the Moths got,” Tana Colbright suggests, trying to put a positive spin on a 1-1 draw in which Diamondqueen almost terminally lacked a finishing touch - their one goal came through a penalty, and a contentious one at that, won by Horn and converted by the waning Weber. At the top of the table, the Moths slip again, falling foul of the Rovers this time. It’s a shame that the best watching is in an essentially meaningless fixture, North Sabrefell trying gamely to pass around a fast, high-pressing side that gets right in their faces and not quite managing it, gubbed 6-2 by Vermillion Rage and six different goalscorers. To be fair, maybe it’s not such a dead rubber as that. Had the Bohemians won, they would’ve been fifth.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 82, +81
2. Moths - 76, +38
3. Athletic - 76, +33
4. Treason - 70, +35
5. Newrook - 63, +26
6. Starling - 62, +19
7. Hawks - 61, +12
8. North Sabrefell - 61, +9
9. Chariots - 58, +12
10. Rovers - 57, +1

17. North Laithland - 39, -28
18. Crisisbless Utd - 38, -24
19. Creed - 37, -32
20. Cypher - 35, -17
21. Corvette - 34, -46
22. Diamondqueen - 29, -34
23. Morningstar - 23, -50
24. Bishop - 21, -38

Spahi Keskin’s prophecy does not come true. They start brightly against Southfell, but United’s first serious attack ends up with Marica Kuepper (what a breakthrough season she’s having!) rifling a shot across Caldwick. The goalkeeper gets fingers to it, but can only parry it towards the flaky but lightning-quick Gail, who dives in ahead of Valeria to chest it into the open goal. Worse still, for them, their immediate rivals get results - Cypher shut down the Hawks, and it’s clear Vardalos has given Hertzka orders to hobble Penumbra Amokachi. It works better than expected; after a series of nippy fouls, Amokachi blows up at the referee for refusing to produce a second yellow card in the 54th minute. The referee is Brom Anstead, whose professionalism and impartiality Amokachi publically questioned earlier in the season. Perhaps that’s why Anstead does produce the second caution… for Amokachi, who takes two minutes to actually get off the pitch. Ferryman’s free kick finds Brind’s head, which finds the net past a scrambling Lethbridge, for Cypher’s winner not long afterwards. Meanwhile, Corvette inflict a first defeat on Gwen Saunders’ Morningstar, who go down with honour. Some in the stands, perhaps, are inclined to wonder if the Warriors could have stayed up had they not put so much faith in Helena Fleischer… 15 points from safety, though, it’s certainly too late for that. A win would have made it ‘just’ eight, though, from the playoff place. Meanwhile, Bishop get their third draw - they’re technically unbeaten in four. Just like they’re technically not yet relegated. At the top of the table, the Moths grind to a stalemate against North Sabrefell, and can only watch as Sabrefell Athletic put down the Harriers across town. The Rams (they’ve been really trying to push that nickname lately, and it’s starting to stick) are now second, just three points behind Brinemouth as they slip at home to Newrook, the almost psychotic intensity Bartolnicci demands rubbing off on a team that rises magnificently to the occasion. Both goals come from set pieces, which Lujendra Mescalin sniffs and decides after the match aren’t a legitimate form of scoring goals, but the Rooks deserved a win. Both goals came at a man down, though to be fair, so were Brinemouth after the second; Raquel Woods picked up the first red card of a mostly clean career for scything down Bryger Tidesson at the knee, while Desya Kuznetsov responded to missing a free header - and the scoffing laughter of Reinhardt behind him - by pegging her in the back of the head with Rooks keeper Karena Hesketh’s water bottle. Crisisbless beat Starling 1-0 in a game that should matter, but really doesn’t - apart from opening up Newrook’s lead in fifth to four points, anyway.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 82, +79
2. Athletic - 79, +34
3. Moths - 77, +38
4. Treason - 73, +37
5. Newrook - 66, +28
6. Starling - 62, +18
7. North Sabrefell - 62, +9
8. Chariots - 61, +15
9. Hawks - 61, +11
10. Rovers - 60, +3

17. North Laithland - 42, -27
18. Cypher - 38, -16
19. Crisisbless Utd - 38, -26
20. Creed - 37, -33
21. Corvette - 37, -45
22. Diamondqueen - 29, -36
23. Morningstar - 23, -51
24. Bishop - 22, -38

This was, until recently, set to be a season of unparalleled highs at the top. Now, the question has to be asked; does anyone actually want to win the title? Brinemouth admittedly come unstuck against distinguished opposition, Starling’s quick passing and tight, disciplined, not overly-physical pressing stifling the Dockers from getting any real chances, bar shots from distance that Smordal handles easily. At the other end, Keira Andisori ratchets up a double, helping solidify the fact that she is still top dog here, for all Lovelace’s promise, Corvalan’s form as an impact player, Dostalok’s records abroad. And Erik Mevlya too, I guess. The Rams come unstuck against Bishop, probably regretting leaving Estrella Hawke at home to nurse a slight complaint, and Coltrane just to rest. Still, they should really have beaten the bottom-feeding Cardinals, and certainly not lost, but a clusterfuck in the box is dug out by Jensen and diligently hammered into the roof of the net. Hestia Canaan, at the head of an improving North Laithland, breezily talks about how the Moths are ‘there for the taking’. Sur Arora refutes this, and then can only watch as neat interplay through the midfield sees Tess Pell cut inside Vicelich (defensively porous at times this season) and stab the ball across Griffin for a late leveller. Treason edge out Corvistone in a drab match, but suddenly, they’re only six points from the top… Also looking up are Cypher Town, who dig out a dogged 2-1 win against Vermillion thanks to Olivia Nygard, who has had a great season, Crisisbless United, who paste Morningstar 4-1, and Corvette Maulers, who withstand the first-half sturm und drang the Rovers bring to bear before picking them apart in the second half, as they tire. Creed should really be putting River to sleep at home, given River have little to play for, but a charitable start given to Harriet Novac leads to a goal and an assist for the promising playmaker. Creed’s midfield folds, as it so often has, and Korborg can’t hit the target - they’re reliant on Anita Sanger driving into the box for a late consolation goal. They’re in the playoff place, now. It’s bad news for Diamondqueen, too - they pick up a point against the nearby Bohemians, but they’re now ten points clear of true safety. Tana Colbright is well-liked around these parts, but she’s already taken them to one heroic failure… but then, is it just too late to pull the plug?

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 82, +77
2. Athletic - 79, +33
3. Moths - 78, +38
4. Treason - 76, +38
5. Newrook - 66, +27
6. Starling - 65, +20
7. Chariots - 64, +17
8. North Sabrefell - 63, +9
9. Hawks - 61, +10
10. Rovers - 60, +2

17. North Laithland - 43, -27
18. Cypher - 41, -15
19. Crisisbless Utd - 41, -23
20. Corvette - 40, -44
21. Creed - 37, -34
22. Diamondqueen - 30, -36
23. Bishop - 25, -37
24. Morningstar - 23, -54

With a sigh of relief, rather than any real joy, Claudio Romano’s strike is enough for the Moths to see off Cypher and snap a four-game winless streak. What makes it more galling is that Brinemouth’s slips were not capitalised on; they handily beat the Chariots 3-0, just as if their recent struggles hadn’t happened. But Sabrefell Athletic’s odds of taking the title have skyrocketed lately, and they impress people even more with victory over the Rooks. It’s a close-run thing, and their first goal arrives with the aid of goal-line technology; Karena Hesketh, perhaps forgetting it exists, argues with referee Reeve Charlton that she kept the shot on the line until she’s booked for it. That apparently doesn’t turn Charlton off the Rooks as a whole, though - Couturiaux hits a ball up to Farrell, who nods it down to Ocokoljic, who surges into the box and gets… clipped, just about, enough to interrupt his stride, and Charlton calls it as a penalty. Up steps Wardenier… and her spot-kick is beaten away by the towering Gautier. In high spirits, Athletic dominate the rest of the game, Ens doubling their advantage; the Rooks take a late consolation through Mordecai Brandtner’s header. Behind them, Brandtner’s former team, Treason, stumble away to Crisisbless, seriously damaging those newfound title chances. It’s the hope that kills you, really. At the bottom, Bishop are unbeaten in… six. Somehow. And it was almost Creed - Brandtner’s other former club, the 24-year old’s been around - who broke that streak. Kurtis Bristoll arrives late in the box to finish a spilled clusterfuck and put the Oathmen in the lead, and on the stroke of half-time, Krieven can only parry Barbarouses’ strike into the path for Korborg, who slams it home into an empty net and acts like it makes him a genius. Bishop have Krieven to thank for keeping the score down to two up to the 80th minute… at which point Seip gives away a penalty for Huyton, which is promptly buried by the nerveless veteran Beresford, and not long after that a careless couple of passes in midfield lets Rannon monster Vintner, play a lovely one-two with Jensen before driving home a leveller. Too late to do anything for their survival, surely, but… at least they can drive a knife into Creed’s.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 85, +80
2. Athletic - 82, +34
3. Moths - 81, +39
4. Treason - 76, +37
5. Starling - 68, +22
6. Newrook - 66, +26
7. North Sabrefell - 66, +11
8. Chariots - 64, +14
9. Hawks - 64, +13
10. Rovers - 63, +3

17. North Laithland - 43, -28
18. Cypher - 41, -16
19. Crisisbless Utd - 41, -24
20. Corvette - 40, -46
21. Creed - 38, -34
22. Diamondqueen - 33, -35
23. Bishop - 26, -37
24. Morningstar - 23, -56

It’s been a while since the Classic felt like the Classic. This is in large part to the fact that ‘the Classic’ is a phrase largely set up by broadcasters to drum up interest and give an easy brand name to the two sides that hate each other without being remotely near one another. This time around, it’s a pretty one-sided affair. Oh, Treason try gamely, and chase, and tackle hard, but they find the Dockers in their best form, fast and fearless and incisive in their passing, willing to take risks in the certain knowledge their mates are protecting them. Kuznetsov strikes with a scarcely credible league goal 35 of the season, low and hard across Gideon Fletcher, before local Brinemouth lass Morena Deventer helps firm herself up for the U21 POTS award with a beautiful lofted volley that flights over Fletcher’s head - the veteran goalkeeper tries to tip it onto the crossbar, but can only help it into the net as he falls. The Moths clean house against Southfell and Athletic make short work of floundering Creed, and their former assistant manager Cheney Rutherford, to stay in the hunt. That said, the most impressive result of the day has to be Newrook’s, Andreu Bartolnicci’s charges visiting Starling, who prove obliging hosts. Careless passing in midfield is seized upon by the Rooks, time and again, and where they are clinical, Starling’s decision-making comes to pieces in front of goal. Karena Hesketh just doesn’t have a whole lot to do. Neither does Smordal, except for picking the ball out of his net four times. At the bottom, many decisive points change hands (while continuing to resolutely stay out of Creed’s - what has gone wrong there? Besides ‘everything’.) Crisisbless United show surprising physicality to match the Bohemians’ body-blows, before Rivers and Antelmi display exactly why they’re too good for this end of the Premiership table. They leapfrog North Laithland, who let Antelmi go as a 22-year old for the relative pittance of 2 million; “Would that we had an Antelmi,” Hestia Canaan remarks sourly after the uninspired Spiders fail to take their chances against the Maulers, and get punished; still, they at least split the points. For Diamondqueen, the heroes against Cypher are Karena Hartley - the rock-solid captain, who keeps Olivia Nygard in her pocket all game - and Carina Taheri - who caps off an already dominant performance by rocketing home a late winner from outside the box. Bishop’s unbeaten run ends, barely, against the Hawks, while Morningstar somehow draw Crisisbless. Martin Blessed’s the man on the spot with a beautifully angled header past a diving Na’Kefir late on - where will he go after the Warriors are (surely) relegated?

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 88, +82
2. Athletic - 85, +36
3. Moths - 84, +42
4. Treason - 76, +35
5. Newrook - 69, +30
6. Starling - 68, +18
7. Hawks - 67, +14
8. North Sabrefell - 66, +10
9. Chariots - 65, +14
10. Rovers - 63, +2

17. Crisisbless Utd - 44, -23
18. North Laithland - 44, -28
19. Cypher - 41, -17
20. Corvette - 41, -46
21. Creed - 38, -36
22. Diamondqueen - 36, -34
23. Bishop - 26, -38
24. Morningstar - 24, -56

“I know you Nepharim are very fond of the ‘fairytale-breakers’ narratives,” Sur Arora says ahead of a meeting with Prahecq outfit Marianne. “But with respect, I think that does leave you open to complacency of a kind. We’ll be treating our opponents like equals on the day.” He takes a very strong side, while Marianne show their teeth. The first half is energetic, but goalless thanks to the exertions of both goalkeepers; Federico Serra gave a reminder that he has an eye for goal on the 50-minute mark, before Imriel Townsend was released by Vol after some great hold-up play and duly fired home the second. But from a dead ball, Marianne’s star man Calixte Morel found the top corner and gives them something to think about for the next leg.

Ahhh, everyone loves a good 1 v 24. Especially when, as confirmation bias makes us remember, it’s either an unrelenting hammering… or surprisingly close. To most peoples’ surprise, this is the latter. Not that the first half-hour would have you think that; Morningstar sit back and defend in a block, a thing they know how to do with a grizzled hard-woman former defender like Gwen Saunders at the helm. 27 minutes in, having already peppered Carter with shots, Brinemouth take their inevitable lead through a penalty, and that causes Saunders to need to figure something out; stick with damage limitation, or twist, and try to take the game to their opponents? She goes for the latter. Tristan Lavendor is yanked - the veteran already had a booking, anyway, and already looked out of breath - Lilith Thornwood comes on, and promptly buries Longship’s hopeful diagonal ball with her first touch. Conjure hits back, and has it cancelled out by Kuijer, before Kuijer releases Rosen down the right, the rangy winger stepping inside and out of teenaged deputising leftback Royer before surging past him, raking in a cross that’s nodded down and thumped home by Blessed as he races clear of the Brinemouth defence and just keeps going into the away end. Not that there are many away fans here. Not many takers for schlepping the length of the country to watch their club most likely get hammered. Unfortunately for them, reality ensues in the second half - Kuznetsov’s strike is too hot for the otherwise excellent Carter to handle and slips into the net, before Bryger Tidesson advances with menace, is handed all the time and space he needs and buries a shot into the top corner, Carter with no chance. For all that, Bull has to react sharply to tip a shot from Kuijer, Morningstar’s only shot on target of the second half, onto the crossbar. The Moths thump River, and overtake Athletic, who stumble at home to Starling. Meanwhile, as soon as Treason were mentioned as possible title contenders, they started stepping on rakes. In a tight match, tied 1-1 at the hour mark, John Sedder reluctantly unleashes Tom Whittaker, who comes on seething like he’s got something to prove, because he does. One step-over and one strike into the top corner later, he feels with some justification he’s earned his corn. Hestia Canaan guides her Spiders to almost certain safety as Irsa Croxteth strikes a brace against Crisisbless United. The former Crisisbless playmaker has had a fairly wretched year and a half, before Canaan’s arrival sparked life into her. Unsurprisingly, she celebrates exuberantly against her childhood rivals. Cypher also manage to pull away, a fairly abject match against the Maulers settled when Acatha Feldman fails to come out for an inswinging free kick, and the relatively small but sturdy Coretta Rooke pulls away from Corvette’s sloppy markers to beautifully angle a header past her for the only goal of the game.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 91, +83
2. Moths - 87, +46
3. Athletic - 85, +34
4. Treason - 76, +34
5. Newrook - 72, +31
6. Starling - 71, +20
7. Hawks - 70, +15
8. North Sabrefell - 66, +8
9. Chariots - 65, +13

18. Crisisbless Utd - 44, -25
19. Cypher - 44, -16
20. Corvette - 41, -47
21. Creed - 38, -37
22. Diamondqueen - 36, -36
23. Bishop - 26, -40
24. Morningstar - 24, -57

15 points left to play for.

The Moths figure they have the tie sewn up in the first half, a thumping volley from Eisenhauer that Lavallee can’t quite tip around the post followed up by a cross from Vicelich and header from Vol into the path of Glory Bellinger, who slams the ball into the grass and lets it skim past Lavallee. After a somewhat shell-shocked first half, Marianne rally. Hetu and the lesser light Ruel, overlooked at the far post, get on the scoresheet, and suddenly they’re a goal away from overturning the deficit. It’s not to be, though; they run out of steam in the last 20 minutes or so, and crisp strikes from Vol and Sturrock pad out the scoreline.

To nobody’s surprise, Morningstar are finally relegated; down with a bang, not a whimper, pummeled 3-0 by the Harriers. It’s the first time in nine games that the Harriers have been able to play a bottom-half club, having won just one in that streak, and they relish the opportunity. How did it all go wrong for the Warriors? Too many band-aid solutions to an inadequate squad. Bishop are basically gone, too, and after going down 5-2, valiant but porous, to the Moths, would require four wins and four Creed defeats (and no wins for Diamondqueen, either) to take 21st. Okay, granted, Creed and Diamondqueen continuing to be terrible seems more likely than not; Vermillion, their relegation concerns long since abated, mop the floor with Creed 3-0 as Carlos Conte takes a break from heavily implying he’s a UICA-level striker on social media to showcase it on the pitch. Diamondqueen, meanwhile, take up the supposed ‘friendly derby’ against River. Their fans, tongue in cheek, ask for three points; their defence leaks three goals, and the Diamonds are toothless to lay a glove on them in return. Corvette beat Southfell as an entertaining game is capped off by a loose ball in the box at 2-2. Time seems to stand still as Julian Parable, fish out of water thrown up for the corner, seems to contemplate the ball as red shirts around him try to charge in. And then he leathers it past Aldous, for a late winner that stretches their lead over Creed to six points. At the top, Brinemouth are almost but not quite shut down by the Rovers, Laslow adjudged to have blocked a late Tidesson cross with her hand. Even then, there’s struggles - Conjure hits her penalty too close to the centre, and it’s clawed away by Iona Britton, but Deventer springs ahead of the Rovers and manages to… be brought down by Fife before she can get to the ball. Another penalty. Conjure goes the same way; Britton does not. 1-0. Athletic, for their part, fall a probably insurmountable nine points out of touch with the leaders, in a battle of Euran managers that sees student Nick Feeney outwit the master, Tom Benedict. At least, if you’re willing to ascribe thrashings like this to the managers. Maybe it’s just that the wingers Naeher and Skapetis are really good, and Coret’s defenders stifled the Rams going forward, and Amokachi netted a free kick, penalty and left-footed strike from open play in the second half to make the difference between the teams. It could have swung the other way, early on. Coltrane almost made it 2-1 to Athletic in the 37th minute, lofting the strike over Lethbridge, who retreated, retreated, and… seemingly impossibly, managed to tip the ball over the crossbar with a flick of the wrist. The Chariots hammer Starling 3-0 to leave them out of the now-significant top six.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 94, +84
2. Moths - 90, +49
3. Athletic - 85, +31
4. Treason - 77, +34
5. Newrook - 73, +31
6. Hawks - 73, +18
7. Starling - 71, +17
8. Chariots - 68, +16
9. North Sabrefell - 67, +8

18. Crisisbless Utd - 47, -24
19. Cypher - 44, -17
20. Corvette - 44, -46
21. Creed - 38, -40
22. Diamondqueen - 36, -39
23. Bishop - 26, -43

12 points left to play for.

No messing about now. The pretenders have been thrown out the door, and now it’s just a matter of getting down to business. Newrook are a good shout to become the first modern-era side to defend the NFA Cup, as well as the first to win it four times, and they perhaps expect Southfell to fold under the pressure early on. They collapse on Southfell like a ton of bricks early on, pounding Heidenreich’s goal with shots. The youngish goalkeeper does what he can, but when Ocokoljic springs Farrell through the offside trap, there’s little he can do - an awkward first touch almost allows Grant to nick it off him, but Farrell recovers, outmuscles and outpaces him, firing hard across a stranded Heidenreich. Newrook keep hammering on the door across the first half - Farrell has another goal chalked off for a foul in the build-up, after elbowing Beitar in the face. Hemeyer retaliates on her behalf by biting Farrell’s neck during a corner, which the referee fails to spot, and the brawl this sparks saps Newrook’s momentum. Suddenly, Southfell have recovered, and an expert ball over the top suddenly sees Gail, one of the league’s fastest players, race clear, hook it away from Kattner and roll it into an empty net. The second half remains goalless. Meanwhile, Andrea Vardalos’ side are fresh off taking three points from three six-pointers. They have Corvistone at home coming up. Some think she’ll tank the Cup to focus on her survival hopes, or, when her squad selection makes it clear she has no intention of doing that, that her exhausted, overworked players will get swept aside by Starling. That doesn’t happen, either. Boom goes the dynamite, a metaphor which here means that a Cressida Voeller thunderbastard leaves Sparwasser grasping at thin air, dipping narrowly under the crossbar. Starling’s possession had been comfortable, unhurried. Now it’s rushed, and even the normally unflappable Alcander Visser is unsettled, and sees a pass cut out by the quick sprint of McCosgraigh, who has recovered from a slow start to her Cypher career. She’s now full of confidence, confidence to do things like use her second touch to nutmeg Visser - Nygard races clear, and clips the ball past a sprawling Sparwasser. Starling press hard in the second half, but just lack that final ball; they’re looking at an uphill climb in the second round.

No margin for error at the summit - the top six all win, mostly convincingly, including wins over seventh through ninth to really drive a wedge into that gap. The Rams are perhaps happiest with a 4-1 East Sabrefell derby win against the Chariots, one where Safarova’s players simply seem to melt away under the pressure, but then maybe it’s the Hawks with the most to shout about, dismantling Vermillion 5-0. Penumbra Amokachi chalks up two goals and two assists, and isn’t afraid to shout it around. Later that night, she’s seen in a cocktail bar, drunkenly pledging to the fans there that she’s sticking around to guide them to a Globe Cup win next year. Well might she say that. Even should Nephara slip outside the top four - which looks likely, sadly, at this stage - they’re five points ahead of Starling. The Passerines barely lay a glove on Treason, a wonderstrike from Liam Armstrong aside, as they go down 3-1. Aristide Metzger races clear as Treason’s top goalscorer for the season with a brace. Somewhere in midtable, a Chenoworth derby should probably take more column inches; the Harriers take out their frustrations at being one step behind the Rovers for most of the season, and pulverise them 3-0. Tom Whittaker takes to Twitter to predict a hat-trick. He spends 90 minutes on the bench. Angela Braugher takes the field instead and, while she also has ego issues, is a local lass. She scores a goal in either half and loves every moment, even flies into a clumsy tackle to annihilate Capradossi that amuses the referee as much as anything. Ender Fife manages to avoid being sent off for the fifth time this season, but surely only because Catheline Harper yanked her at 58 minutes, two goals down, with her having just had her first caution. At the other end of the table, Corvette and Cypher both pick up reasonably impressive points, and they’re probably safe by now. Probably. Much credit is due to Daniella Strauss for keeping the Maulers afloat - and promoting them in the first place. And Andrea Vardalos, well, everyone knows she’s a fine manager. This has been a nice feather in her cap after things petred out at Leichhardt. Survival, it’s thought, will trigger a two-year extension on her contract, initially set for the end of the season. That would have to suit everyone. Creed are seven points adrift of them, now, after going down honourably to the Moths. Their only consolation is they maintain a playoff place, though in their current form, would they even win it? But Diamondqueen can’t capitalise on a trip to Bishop, and in general the Diamonds have really struggled to hit paydirt in six-pointers. Chants of “We’re taking you down with us!” ring around Bishop’s defiant stadium, and despite everything there’s still affection for manager Conan Estelline. Diamondqueen are shaky at the start, but a moment of quality from Weber bails them out, a lovely lofted ball over the top to Horn, who is clattered by Ierardi after jinking the ball away - Weber sends Krieven the wrong way. But just three minutes later, Ingrid Feisser skins Abel, evades Ystrad and leathers home a curling strike narrowly beyond Jonason’s fingertips, and Bishop double their advantage from a set piece, Jensen towering highest to meet Rannon’s high ball. Diamondqueen at least scrape a late leveller, Carina Taheri conjuring something up to put it on a plate for Horn… who drives it straight into Krieven, but no matter, the substitute Bronson scoops it up, drives it across goal and rangy striker Lyritzis stabs it home at the far post, but they can’t take the three points needed to overtake Creed. And that confirms Bishop’s relegation, though they were doomed anyway. Down, but with honour. Conan Estelline vows to build them up and take them back up. “When this is my team, not just a firefighter’s dregs? Then I’ll have something to show anyone.” You can’t just call Jacqui Milligan a dreg, Conan. Even though it’s true.

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 97, +88
2. Moths - 93, +51
3. Athletic - 88, +34
4. Treason - 80, +36
5. Newrook - 76, +32
6. Hawks - 76, +23
7. Starling - 71, +15
8. Chariots - 68, +13
9. North Sabrefell - 67, +4

18. Crisisbless Utd - 47, -25
19. Cypher - 45, -17
20. Corvette - 45, -46
21. Creed - 38, -42
22. Diamondqueen - 37, -39

9 points left to play for.

A stat that might surprise some; it’s been sixteen years since Southfell have even made it as far as the quarterfinals of the Cup, though they were the second modern-era winners. Sixteen long years, over which leading lights like Lazuli Diamonds, West Hook, Riverkey and Project +90 have made it that far. Maybe they sense now is their time - after all, they’re the only team still in that can truly afford to drop everything and focus on the Cup, as recent squad selections have made clear. Their intensity is a step above a weary, jaded Newrook early on, and they go two up in the first ten minutes, Kuepper and Marlowe getting on the scoresheet. Bartolnicci rails and rants on the sidelines, and the Rooks sluggishly pick it up. Cordean almost makes it three but a sprawling save from Kattner denies him; he gets to the rebound but can only stab it, off-balance, into the side netting. Bartolnicci’s blushes are spared, temporarily, by a Will Couturiaux free kick - that’s been a salve for many wounds, this season - but on the stroke of half-time, Pakkanen hacks down Gail on the edge of the box. He’s adamant it was outside; it wasn’t. Marlowe hammers the penalty into the top corner with frankly unnecessary force. Newrook again haul themselves back into contention earlyish in the second half, Pakkanen with a cross that is crisply headed home by the powerful Farrell, coming off best in a wrestling match against Grant… but Pakkanen’s ‘interesting’ match comes to an end just five minutes later when he’s sent off for a misjudged sliding challenge on Fairfax, who promptly chalks up a rare goal, before Karolina Marko comes off the bench, is found on the edge of the box by Cordean and hammers home Southfell’s fifth. A hammer-blow for Newrook, and one they obviously do not come back from. Starling against Cypher, by contrast, is utterly dire. Cypher are here to sandbag and cunt it up, and post-match, Lisa Amos rails about their ‘cowardice’. She’s a sore loser; Cypher are in the final.

Things almost break open at the top. Hestia Canaan’s North Laithland are safe, and should surely fold against the mighty Dockers. That’s what lower-midtable sides are for in the lategame, isn’t it? Hestia Canaan’s squad selection even seems submissive, a couple of players promoted from the academy, Canaan wanting to give people ‘an opportunity to prove themselves’. That generosity doesn’t extend to the striking role, which is still held down firmly by Deborah Stokes - the classy forward was missed badly in her injury-enforced absence, and she has a goal just three minutes in, fed by the lively 20-year old Matej Beltrame. Brinemouth push hard, but can’t break through thanks in large part not only to Fairweather throwing herself around between the posts but in the quietly effective Raimund Anderson, who cuts a more confident figure under Canaan than the promising but raw and coltish defender he was before. At 22, he’s got plenty of time to catch the Cormorants’ eyes… and for good measure, he crashes home the Spiders’ second on the 70-minute mark from an expertly-taken Croxteth corner. The Moths need to capitalise, but Coret have other ideas, edging them out in an end-to-end match. The winning goal is awful for Moths fans to watch, as they’re caught on the break, drifting in sixes and sevens as Skapetis crosses in and it’s knocked down by the towering Henderson, and in comes Penumbra Amokachi, with her prenatural awareness of being in the right place at the right time, to roll the ball gently into the bottom corner. Griffin twists back the way he came but can’t do more than brush his fingers against it - and with the strike, the Moths’ hopes of cutting Brinemouth’s lead down to one point. Amokachi’s her usual self on social media after the match, tweeting Brinemouth’s account to let them know ‘You’re welcome #onceadocker #alwaysadocker’. The Hawks move into fifth, and with Starling inexplicably losing to Morningstar, perhaps still shell-shocked by their Cup exit, they confirming their Globe Cup qualification for next season. The top three are locked in as well, after Athletic beat Vermillion 2-1. Treason sit in limbo, hoping the Moths can win the Champions Cup and save the coefficient. At the bottom, things really start to settle in. Despite defeat at River, Crisisbless United confirm their safety; through their own hands, and a tired 1-0 win over Bishop, Corvette secure themselves as well. An incredible achievement for Daniella Strauss, who arrived with the second-lowest wage bill in the league (only Morningstar rating lower) after a stunning promotion. Cypher’s hard-fought draw against the Crows basically secures them, too, ensuring Creed would need to win twice and crest an insurmountable GD lead. At least the Oathmen are in the playoff place after getting a result against Diamondqueen, even if they can’t win for the life of them - for this lifeline, they have Joel Conway to thank, the one player who seems to have kept his head up. The Diamonds dominated, but couldn’t get that final ball on-target, Keskin with a demolition job on Weber that wound up in her injury. More fool them, Minka Bronson came on and laid on an assist for Sett Horn, the Cosumarite scoring one when he really should’ve had three across the game. But late on in injury time, a demoralised Creed rouse themselves for one last attack. Matraxis claims a cross from Unworth and hoofs it long, Bristoll wins the header, outmuscles Jeweler, plays in Korborg who fires… straight at Jonason. Korborg taps away the rebound, flicking it onto Bristoll, who kept going, puts his head up and finds Conway sliding past the last man - and Conway slips the equaliser past a despairing Jonason. He’s bullish about Creed’s survival hopes when he talks to the press after the game, but can they keep ahold of 21st? And if so, will they really be able to beat the in-form Rovers or Chatswood?

STANDINGS - Points, GD
1. Brinemouth - 97, +86
2. Moths - 93, +50
3. Athletic - 91, +35
4. Treason - 83, +38
5. Hawks - 79, +24
6. Newrook - 76, +31
7. Starling - 71, +14
8. North Sabrefell - 70, +6

20. Cypher - 45, -18
21. Creed - 39, -42
22. Diamondqueen - 38, -39

6 points left to play for.

This is a red-hot anticipated match, between two giants of the domestic game. The Moths’ sheer solidity of talent arrayed against Cassandra, a less even side but one with genuine star power. Two sides that would both look to attack, first and foremost. Sur Arora’s brief to his players had to be simple; stop Vega Zeale-Riddick. But to stop Zeale-Riddick, you have to stop Serafino getting the ball to her, and that’s much easier said than done. The Moths’ fans rock up to the stadium and spend the entire match screaming in the haze of green flares, and there’s scuffles in the streets both before and after the game. People are keyed up for this. But while the Moths can take heart from their fans, the heat of the red from… every other stand is backing Cassandra, and in the early runnings of the game they’re just moving the ball that little bit quicker, the Moths falling back into shape, defending well. A snap-shot from Serafino almost sneaks in off a deflection from Elden’s calf, but Robert Griffin leaps over cat-like to beat it away. De Sajajo and Zeale-Riddick also come close, but can’t put their shots on target after sterling pressure from Brix Hamilton, already a cult hero among the Moths fans, puts them off. At the other end, Solara Vol’s physicality unsettles Cassandra’s defence, but the hulking Nepharim defender Diedrich Frostmarris manages to keep to his brief and shut her down - a couple glanced headers do make it on target, but are easy saves for Metz. Metz is tested better by a free kick from Townsend, before Romano takes a pass from Haines and swivels and hits the outside of the post where he really ought to have done better… but just as it looks like the Moths are easing their way into the game, at the other end, Serafino skins Haines with uncharacteristic pace, cuts inside, then outside of Elden, and hammers a shot past Griffin. A lead you’d have to say they deserved, if more for their early play than the past ten minutes or so, but it gets to the Moths - Cassandra dominate the rest of the first half, a last-ditch tackle from Tawny Shone being all that stops Zeale-Riddick making it two in injury-time. It clips her heels after taking the ball, and Zeale-Riddick is adamant it’s a penalty, but the referee’s not having it. The Moths come out for the second half feeling more sure of themselves, and Cassandra are unsettled by a few sharp challenges as Shone and Haines pick up cautions. But they still lack that finishing touch, Romano not having the best game of his career, until suddenly a perfectly weighted ball from Ursula Rowan finds the chest of Vega Zeale-Riddick as she races past Elden. Lux Vicelich sprints back to cover and goes shoulder-to-shoulder with Zeale-Riddick before scuffing the ball away from her feet, Griffin hoofing it clear-- but the whistle is blown. Penalty! As Zeale-Riddick is adjudged to have been fouled, going down sprawling after an alleged shoulder-charge from Vicelich. Moths assistant manager Audrey Carlock bellows profanities at the referee from the technical area as the Moths swarm her, but has a referee ever changed their mind over that? It’s soft to Nepharim eyes, but, well, you’ve seen them given. Especially in UICA. Zeale-Riddick is unphased by the time that elapses between the call being awarded and her actually being given the ball, and she makes no mistake, hammering it into the inside-netting beyond Griffin’s reach. She’s later denied a chance at a brace by Griffin’s feet, as gaps open up at either side of the pitch… but neither side can manage a breakthrough. For all the controversy of the penalty, Cassandra were better on the night, and the scoreline reflects it. The Moths have a mountain to climb.

The Moths do their part. Vermillion Rage host them, confident in their chances as the Moths reluctantly rest key players like Vicelich, Townsend, Serra and Romano in anticipation of the return leg against Cassandra City… but they’re swept aside 4-0 in the first half alone, Shone and James nominally outnumbered in midfield but untouchably dominant, Sigrid Eisenhauer clinical, even 33-year old leftback Theresa Desantis getting on the scoresheet in her likely final game for the club. Vermillion get a consolation, but a 5-1 defeat sums up a pretty wretched season where they’ve come 15th (and could yet fall another place) despite the second-most goals in the league. But the top side has still to play. They arrive at Cypher Town, Vardalos cutting a defiant figure - “If they’re looking for an easy win, they won’t find it here” - but in reality, they’re playing the 20th-placed team, who are basically safe, and have a Cup final occupying their thoughts. The Eagles are exhausted mentally and physically, and Brinemouth pick them apart, cheers going up around the ground. They can taste the title. Tidesson and a Conjure penalty get the party started in the first half before, who else? Desya Kuznetsov hammers a strike forcefully past Ruo at her near post to round out a 3-0 win. And with that, the Dockers are champions. Sure, they might not have made it with the terrifying pace they’d set in the early runnings of the season, but they got over their late stumbles to fend off the Moths and Rams’ challenges, and have by a distance set a new record for goals scored in a season and for goal difference overall. And Desya Kuznetsov just needs one goal in the last match to reach an unprecedented 40 for the season…

In the battle for 21st, there are howls of injustice across Creed. Not for anything that happens in their match, but they’re ‘wronged’ from the off by Nick Feeney, of all people. How? Well, Coret have already sealed their long-awaited Globe Cup place, and so Feeney opts for a weakened lineup that gives a chance for some young blood to shine. Against Diamondqueen. Naeher, Amokachi, Sorrell and Constantini all rest, with some academy youths called up to pad out the bench. It’s not all smiles for the Diamonds, either, to be fair. They’re missing Auburn Weber for the rest of the season, a player absolutely past her prime but still their main source of inspiration, after Spahi Keskin’s scything challenge. But Minka Bronson steps up to the plate and, as she’s done all season, has proven an able deputy. An insolent flick with the outside of the book caught out the aging centre-half Eva Valkanis, likely playing her last home game for the side, and let Sett Horn run past her, look up, look across and cut back across the face of goal, where strike partner Dionysus Lyritzis was there to crash it home at the far post. It’s the only goal of the game, and it puts the pressure on Creed against Corvette. The Maulers are in a similar situation to Cypher, minus the Cup final, and the Oathmen manage to rouse themselves to the occasion. A crisp strike from Delphi Barbarouses scores from just outside the box, before Barbarouses sets up the quick, incisive Conway to hammer home the second. 2-0 up within 40 minutes. Cheney Rutherford does not press his luck. And that works, right up until the 73rd minute, where an overzealous challenge from Anita Sanger gives the Maulers a free kick from a dangerous position, from which Jasko Voleimann leathers a strike that skims off the head of Keskin in the wall, that Matraxis can only brush his fingers against. Creed panic, try and rush to get their goal, but Gerwyn Clarke stretches out a leg to intercept a wayward pass from Keskin, Coleman gets onto the end of it and slides it to Voleimann who hits a big switch over Sanger’s head, finding Gabriel Haines, who centres it. Matraxis comes out, but can’t get there ahead of Fiona Norval… who hits the post. It caroms back off… to Sascha Dimitrius, who manages to readjust her path and throw out a leg and scuff the ball into the net. A basically meaningless goal for Corvette’s season; a crippling body-blow for Creed, who slump into 22nd. Barring Diamondqueen getting hammered 4-0 on the final day (though they are playing Vermillion! It could happen!), in which case a high-scoring draw would be enough, Creed will need to beat Crisisbless United to claw back their playoff place. They need their second win since Canaan’s departure.

It was all set to be a brilliant match. The Moths fighting back against the first leg, the perceived injustice of Cassandra’s penalty, with the green wave at their back. Maybe it’s the length of the season. Maybe it’s the specific fatigue of the title race. Maybe Cassandra City are just better at football than the Moths. Maybe the Premiership is overrated. You can read as much or as little into it as you want, but the match is a jaded scoreless draw and Nephara slumps down to fifth in the UICA rankings. This is the first time since the 58 season that the Premiership will submit three sides to the Champions Cup.

Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

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