The Infinites: The Dork Knight (Comedy, Supers, Dead) - IC

by **Talchyon** » Fri May 11, 2018 4:00 pm

THE INFINITES: THE DORK KNIGHT
THE NEW ARC

OOC - Sign-up here. New players always welcome.

CHAPTER ONE: TROUBLE IS A 'COMIN'.

(with a nod to Whalestron for her part in the collaboration of this first post)

Since the town of Orient is like many small towns, their newspaper comes out once a week, on Wednesday. Here's what the Orient newspaper had in it this week...

News from the Orient

vol. 88, no. 142, October 25, 2018

POLITICAL RACES HEAT UP

by Randall Gervious, beat reporter

After an exciting campaign season, the election races are heating up. Especially interesting this year is the race for mayor of Orient, Minnesota. After long-time mayor Harold Jurgensen announced his retirement earlier last fall, the race was wide-open. A whopping seventeen different people put their hats in the ring filing their papers with the county clerk to show that they were willing to run. The seventeen candidates were narrowed down when voters made their decisions in the primaries between the three leading candidates: Kent Clarke; Richard Reedson; and Wayne Bruce, each running as an independent candidate.
Clarke, no stranger to local politics after serving as deputy mayor under former mayor Jurgensen, has held a slight edge in the polls. He's followed by 3 points to Bruce, with Reedson taking third at only 4 and a half points behind. Clearly, the race is anyone's to win.
There will be a town hall debate over the issues, and especially the main issue everyone in town has been concerned about - the rising amount of crime in the city. This town hall debate will feature each candidate being able to discuss the issues, answer questions, and give a statement as to his own vision of the future direction Orient needs. The debate will occur this Friday at 7 p.m. at the Orient Town Hall. The event is free and the public is invited. All voters who want to know where the candidates stand, should be there.
And don't forget: Election Day is Tuesday, Nov. 7.

LOCAL HERO HONORED

by Sheila Weston, beat reporter

What is a worthy payment for hard work, self-sacrifice and a willingness to save the world? Extra attention and commendation, of course. All of Orient and the surrounding area can be proud of our hometown hero, Super Peanut, who was recently inducted into the Pacific Northwest Infinites. Though rumors exist of Super Peanut only existing as we know it for about 3 months after having been born in space, he himself has neither confirmed nor denied those rumors.
Here is what Super Peanut said about his move to the Pacific Northwest Infinites. "I'm really looking forward to it. Of course, I will miss... wait, what town is this? Orient? Of course I will miss Orient. It's grown on me in all the time I've spent here. But the time was right to make a change, and the crime in the Pacific Northwest was needing a new champion and hero to fight against it. And that hero, was me."
Everyone in Orient should be very proud of our hometown hero, the only superhero that Orient has ever had. What will we do without Super Peanut? We'll just have to step up and watch out for each other, and make him proud of us, too.

HOUSE MARKET EXPANDS

by Everette White, beat reporter

Every realtor's dream is coming true in Orient. While many small towns are plateau-ing or shrinking in population, Orient is seeing a fortunate, reverse trend. According to the city officials at the courthouse, Orient has recently doubled in size! That's right. Currently the population is now at 4,500, where it had been just 2,000 three months ago. And if the trends continue, as experts think they will, Orient may grow by another 1,500 by December!
"It'sa great problem to have," local construction company foreman Skip Masters said. "We're putting up new houses so fast it's hard to keep up with business."
What is causing this rapid population growth? It's uncertain, but community leaders have long been proud of Orient's opportunities. "We're located in a really great area," said city manager Grant Childress. "We have good schools, good hospitals, lots of culture, and expanding employment opportunities. We recently had a widget factory in town, and had attracted some national science attention last year. Plus, it's only 2 hours either way to get to Wal-Mart. We're definitely in a great spot."
While one might expect school officials to need to adjust to the expected larger class size that comes with such a population growth, for some reason the numbers don't seem to play out that way. "There may be more people in Orient," said Orient superintendant Orville Barry, "but the numbers of children has stayed the same. We are expecting roughly the same sizes of classes next year as this previous year."
Well, whatever may be the reason for the sudden growth of Orient, everyone is glad about it. Welcome to Orient, new neighbors! We at the newspaper are glad to have you here with us!

When Will it End?

by Randall Gervious, beat reporter

Late last Tuesday, another casualty in the rising crime battles of Orient was sadly discovered. Mrs. Mabel Johnson was discovered, after having been violently attacked and severely wounded. The elderly lady was found in a dark alley a few blocks from Main Street, and the local EMTs were immediately called. She was immediately taken to the hospital. Johnson was the third elderly lady attacked in two weeks.
More police officers have been deployed to town to account for the rise in crime. But citizens are urged to use extreme caution, especially when going out at night. In addition to the attack on Johnson and the other assaults, reports have also come in of a rash of thefts and muggings.
If you have any information, please call the crime hotline listed at the back page of the paper.

Date - A Thursday in late October, 2017
Time - 7:00 p.m. CST
Place - The Orient, Minnesota town Legion Hall, room #2.

A middle-aged, pudgy, man with salt and pepper hair and bifocals stood at the front of the room, and banged the gavel on the podium. But, as there was quite a celebration next door with the local Alcoholics' Anonymous meeting, the gavel went unheard. So the man banged it again. Again, to little effect. Those in the front heard it, but not those in the back. So he summoned the full force of his middle-aged might, swung the gavel as if it was a two-handed Conan the barbarian sword, and rammed it down into the podium in front of him... just as the noise quieted down in the other room. The gavel dented the front of the podium, and busted in a few pieces, clattering to the floor. With every eye in the room on him (and some bugging out), the man said, in a nasal, not threatening kind of voice,

"Welcome to tonight's meeting of the Minnesota Infinites. I'm Captain Calculator, leader of the Minnesota Infinites and the chairman for this meeting. Glad to see all of you."

The light glanced off of the coke-bottle bottoms that were the lenses of his thick glasses. His thinning hair was neatly combed, which isn't that hard when you don't have as much to comb. Smiling broadly, he looked out at the group again.

"And a special welcome to our new arrivals. We're glad you're with us. And now, if everyone would rise and say the Minnesota Infinites' pledge. New members, you got this on the sheet of paper you were given when you came. Let's say it altogether now...

"I am a superhero.
I am not weak or weenie.
I am worthy of taking down supervillains.
I am worthy of getting a comic book someday.
I will use my super abilities for good, not evil.
I am an Infinite! No, really!"

The heroes sat down again as Captain Calculator called up Sarah, the intern to read the minutes of the last meeting. But Sarah was having some arrival troubles of her own, and had not yet made the meeting.

Sarah Osborne skidded to a halt at the Infinites' headquarters, nearly falling off of her bike. It was good that she didn’t, though, because she wasn’t practicing the proper safety methods most bikers knew to be common sense. She knew it was foolish, but she’d already donned her baseball cap and would be arriving to the weekly meeting in a few moments.

Carefully, she took the box of donuts she’d bought from under her arms, running haphazardly into the rented hall. She burst into the room, rushing to the podium. “Sorry I’m late, the line at Bonkin' was all the way out into the street, and I-“

She looked around at the crowd of people, realizing that these weren’t the washed up and bizarre faces of the Infinites- though they came close- these were, in fact, the faces of the local members of Alcoholics Anonymous. She left without saying another word, entering the room opposite. Sarah set the box of donuts on the folding table next to the door, then took her spot at the podium.

“Good morning everybody, sorry I’m late.” She apologized briefly before pulling out the crumpled receipt she’d written her notes on. “In case you weren’t here for the past... however long we were in space, here’s the brief line of events,” she cleared her throat before continuing.

“We were abducted and told we were going to be fighting to the death but the intergalactic police arrested everybody and schmurgis ech?” She tilted her head, then flipped the receipt. “Several other things happened, including a bunch of fights with some lizard people that really liked suits. We broke the fourth wall a lot, and some weird stuff happened involving a toaster and a space poodle.” Sarah stood silent for a few moments before asking, “Any questions?”

Captain Calculator tilted his head slightly and the smallest impression of a frown crossed his mouth. "Er, Sarah, we already heard those minutes three weeks ago. Would you please read the minutes from the latest meeting that we had last week?"

Sarah blinked twice as she realized she’d just read the wrong thing. “Oh,” she dug around in her purse for the receipt from last week's events. She cleared her throat, preparing to give the last week's arguably more exciting synopsis.

“Last week was pretty dull. We almost rescued a cat from a tree before it was saved by the fire department. We were in the news for a single frame, that, uh... that happened.” Sarah flipped the receipt over, clearly having a lack of information on it. “We got a call from a comic book company telling us they wanted to do a series on us. They got the wrong number, though, so I don’t think that’s going to be happening any time soon. We won a bingo game when it was too rainy for anyone to get to the community center.”

Calculator responded, appreciatively, "Thank you, Sarah. Yeah, we were in the news. Technically, Super Peanut was a member of the Minnesota Infinites for awhile. And granted, while he didn't actually mention us, they did have a nice little article about him, which is almost about as good as having a nice article about us. Only, just not saying anything about us.

"Well, next, we'll have our budget report by our treasurer, Coathangerman." A non-descript man wearing a costume with about 200 coathangers hanging off, most of them clattering together, stood up, and gave a report. "Ok, so it seems like our recent outer space odyssey didn't actually make us anything. Ok, we did get some weird alien credits that we could spend if we're ever in the farthest regions of space. But... that doesn't actually translate into American money? So, basically, we went and did all that for free and didn't get paid. We're still at where we were."

Captain Calculator nodded at Coathangerman's report. Sad. His wife was already grumbling about how much of their own personal finances went to support the Minnesota Infinites ("your little club" as she called it with spite). Calculator had been able to massage it, saying that the extra gas the Infinites used in his family car, which on Thursday nights and other times he called "The Infinitemobile," also went to take their kids to soccer practice and drum lessons. She had grudgingly went along with it. She was the best wife. She'd come around. She always did.

Moving on to old business, Glitch stood up and proceeded to tell everyone about a time long ago when he was watching a movie involving underground gila monsters who grew to mutant size and took over the world. Then, just to make sure to bring the point around, after droning on in his surfer's voice for about 15 minutes, not sparing any detail no matter how trivial, Glitch asked if they were going to take up his idea of running drills in case giant mutant gila monsters popped up from the earth's surface and terrorized everyone. Calculator, speaking for the entire assembly, politely moved on without addressing the unlikely subject.

For new business, the Teetotaler, with his loud colored costume and his monacle, asked if the Minnesota Infinites would be needed as security for the upcoming elections. "I say, there are always shenanigans that happen around election time. Lads, perchance the three remaining candidates for mayor would need us to help ward off any funny business."

It was an idea, at the very least. And even if the Minnesota Infinites hadn't been invited to serve as extra security, that was probably just an oversight. Surely, the candidates would want their services. Who wouldn't want the Minnesota Infinites stepping up and helping to make things better?

Calculator responded, "That's a good idea, Teetotaler. We should look into that." And making a note on his planner that said, "3 mayor candidates - harm?", the next topic of new business came up. The muggings of three elderly women in at least 2 weeks. Sadly, no one had noticed anything. And no one knew the women. The places where the women had been attacked had all been different. Whoever the muggers were, they had not yet been brought to justice. "I guess we'll just have to be on guard and watching so that no more old ladies get attacked."

With that, the meeting came to an end. Calculator, their fearless if not nerdy leader, closed the meeting and encouraged everyone to meet the noobs - the new members of the Infinites, that is - over some refreshments that Sarah had brought. Donuts. Kind of a long running tradition for after Infinites' meetings refreshments, and quick to pick up on the run.

Meanwhile, across town
Ulterior Motive Man's house basement
The villains gather...

In the cramped basement, the lights dimmed, a villainous figure in red, black and line items decorating his costume stood at the front of the room. Glaring at everyone, the villain opened his mouth and said those words no villain wants to hear. "Ahem. Ack. Ack. I got something stuck in my throat. Someone come and give me CPR! Ack!" Grossed out, none of the villains went to make a move because none of them wanted to have to put their lips on his. Fortunately for Doctor Bureaucracy, whatever it was that was bothering his throat came out on its own. And then it was time to begin the meeting proper.

"Welcome, villains, one and all, to the Group that was Formerly Called the Orient, Minnesota Super Villains' Club and Association of Deranged Psychotic Lunatics Bent on the Minnesota Infinites' Destruction, or the G.T.W.F.C.T.O.M.S.V.C.A.A.O.D.P.L.B.O.T.M.I.D., for short. It's spelled just like it sounds. On the agenda today, is an update on how the new name-change for our group is coming along. I regret to inform you that all of the name suggestions that had been turned in last time did not have the proper notarization and authentication required for a name change. Likewise, before these necessary changes and formatting was completed, the deadline came and went. So, we now have to go back to the drawing board, come up with new name suggestions for our group, and make sure you fill out the simple 23 page form in triplicate, notarized and authenticated, and then bring it back to our next meeting where a 3/4 majority vote will be taken on all proper suggestions. (Unless, of course, the matter gets tabled, and then it will require a simple 2/3 majority vote the next meeting it gets taken back off the table, or the majority of all present who would then form an emergency quorum...)

The villains groaned at the speed of bureaucracy, but kept their tongues to themselves because none of them wanted to have to put up with being micromanaged and second- or third- or sixteenth-guessed by taking over the reins of leadership of the villains' organization, and having to deal with Doc Bur-Ock as a member. If they thought his bureaucracy was overredundant now, they also realized it would be twenty times as bad if he was removed from leadership. Because then he would be disgruntled. And nothing is worse than a disgruntled bureaucrat.

After droning on about the name change, thankfully the villain leader moved on. "We've had some good ideas recently about how to take down the Minnesota Infinites. The first, and most popular idea so far has been a straight up fight. And, while I sympathize with this, I have to remind everyone that every straight-up fight with the Minnesota Infinites has either not worked out right, or it has backfired. So, maybe we'll wait and try something different to start off with.

"Another idea was brought forward. And this is, to do something that threatens someone important in town. The Minnesota Infinites, those twerps, would of course come rushing in to save the day. And so, I think maybe we should try targeting the 3 political candidates for mayor. Richard Reedson, Kent Clarke, and Wayne Bruce. Each of these politicians could be trouble for us. So why not pick one of them to target, and then say we're going to be going against all three. It will split the Infinites' in 3 ways! And then, with their forces divided, we can take out a third of the Infinites - whoever is guarding politician #1. Then go after the group guarding politician #2. And so on, until we get to #3. That way, we might whittle the Infinites down to nothing! And in the meantime, wreak some havoc in the political process of Orient, too!"

The villains began to discuss the idea. Most didn't seem to have a problem with it. But all of a sudden, one of the villains raised her hand.

"Doc Bur-Ock. This has nothing to do with anything we've been talking about, but I wanted to know which person here has been mugging those old ladies that the news is bent on covering. It's a dumb idea if you ask me. When do old ladies have any money worth taking? And besides, it's gotten security concerns bent out of proportion. Now, because of these recent attacks, any move we make is going to be under closer scrutiny. It's not easy to work as a villain in this town, but especially it's not easy when security forces have stepped up and there's a higher amount of cops on the beat. So whoever has done these muggings, you need to fess up. Or I don't care. Just stop it, so the public won't be so freaked out, and security drops down to a more manageable level."

While the villains reacted to the news, no one there could admit to doing the muggings. Because no one there had done the muggings. Doc Bur-Ock didn't know what to make of that.

"We'll just have to do our part to try to threaten these local politicians running for mayor, and deal with the extra security. To help us, I sent Diet Cola earlier this week to check out the extra security surrounding these buffoons. Diet Cola, if you would step up and tell us what you found..."

But the soft-drink themed villain was nowhere to be found. It was unlike him to miss meetings. He had never missed one before. And Doc Bur-Ock began to get annoyed. He looked again, and still, he wasn't there. Everyone else began looking around, wondering what was going on. Doc Bur-Ock got more annoyed, broke out his cell phone, and tried calling Diet Cola. No answer. Though he was still annoyed, the slightest beginnings of worry began to creep in his mind.

"Anyone know where Diet Cola went?" At the collective negative response and the shrugged shoulders, Doc Bur-Ock said, "I can't reach him. We're probably going to have to find him. Great." However, even though he was annoyed, he wondered what could have happened to the supervillain to make him not come to this meeting that he never missed.

It was at that time, however, that Ulterior Motive Man's mom came down to the basement, with a vacuum cleaner. She hooked it up, and then announced that she was expecting her sister-in-law later that day, and she had to clean up. She plugged the device in and it started making vacuum cleaner noises as she cleaned. The villains' meeting was done. Whether or not it was at the best time, was another matter.

by **Theocretes** » Sat May 12, 2018 1:57 am

A scrawny figure raised his hand in the dark back corner of the villans meeting. One of the new guys, wearing bright green spandex with a giant quarter on his chest.
“I might have an idea” he stood up attempting to take command but with a slight hint of nervous puberty in his voice
“This Wayne Bruce guy, he must be rich to run a campaign in a town as large as 4,500 people! So I say that we not only eliminate the heroes protecting him, but we also steal all his money! A classic robbery!”
The boy paused with pride in his voice, then quickly ducked down and fished through his beaten backpack. Awkwardly shuffling past his villainous compatriots with plenty of “excuse me”’s he finally handed a wad of greasy wrinkled papers to Doctor Bureaucracy.
He whispered in the doctors ear quickly
“These are just my formal heist suggestion papers, I got them approved by my mom”
He sat back down

by **Danceria** » Mon May 14, 2018 7:19 am

26, Oct, 2018
1900hrs, CST
Room 2, Town Legion Hall, Orient, MN

The young man nodded himself awake, once more finding himself asleep while standing up. Or rather, rousing himself awake while stiffly walking over to the doughnuts, before walking over to the group of leaders. "Hey." he stifled a yawn. "I'm Trance. I'm sure you've got my name on the roster an' all. If not, you remember me from when I first moved in." Indeed, that was how he first found the "Orient Infinites". Young Trance found himself at the business end of a bear, and an adorable girl that appeared to be its master. After an ensuing scuffle, the two eventually made peace and crumpled into an adorable cuddling position. His sister still hadn't let him live it down, a grown freelance programmer cuddling with a bear, even a few months later. "Even though I'm a newbie, I'd like to put in my two cents." Blinking himself to a (visibly) attentive stance, he turned first to the Secretary. Sarah Osbert, he believed her name was. "While alien money may not have an exchange rate, it could be what the money is made of that'll fetch us a tidy profit. Take a gander at the history museum in the Twin Cities, the old Roman coins. They may have been pocket change back in Caesar's day, but look at how much they're worth, and the security around those old copper denarii. Couple of the Eggheads at ACRONIM'll be interested in "alien and otherworldly materials". Again, my literal two cents." Trance chuckled sleepily at his pun. "From what the surfer dude mentioned, drills are okay. Orient's not exactly Northside, so why not do drills with the local police force? Or the other Infinites. Or whoever." Taking a moment to chew on his doughnut, before thinking about what to do the third part. "If nothing else, the elections could just be something for advertising."

by **Auphelia** » Mon May 14, 2018 10:55 am

Talchyon wrote:Date - A Thursday in late October, 2017
Time - 7:00 p.m. CST
Place - The Orient, Minnesota town Legion Hall, room #2.

A middle-aged, pudgy, man with salt and pepper hair and bifocals stood at the front of the room, and banged the gavel on the podium. But, as there was quite a celebration next door with the local Alcoholics' Anonymous meeting, the gavel went unheard. So the man banged it again. Again, to little effect. Those in the front heard it, but not those in the back. So he summoned the full force of his middle-aged might, swung the gavel as if it was a two-handed Conan the barbarian sword, and rammed it down into the podium in front of him... just as the noise quieted down in the other room. The gavel dented the front of the podium, and busted in a few pieces, clattering to the floor. With every eye in the room on him (and some bugging out), the man said, in a nasal, not threatening kind of voice,

"Welcome to tonight's meeting of the Minnesota Infinites. I'm Captain Calculator, leader of the Minnesota Infinites and the chairman for this meeting. Glad to see all of you."

"And a special welcome to our new arrivals. We're glad you're with us. And now, if everyone would rise and say the Minnesota Infinites' pledge. New members, you got this on the sheet of paper you were given when you came. Let's say it altogether now...

-snip-

“Last week was pretty dull. We almost rescued a cat from a tree before it was saved by the fire department. We were in the news for a single frame, that, uh... that happened.” Sarah flipped the receipt over, clearly having a lack of information on it. “We got a call from a comic book company telling us they wanted to do a series on us. They got the wrong number, though, so I don’t think that’s going to be happening any time soon. We won a bingo game when it was too rainy for anyone to get to the community center.”

Calculator responded, appreciatively, "Thank you, Sarah. Yeah, we were in the news. Technically, Super Peanut was a member of the Minnesota Infinites for awhile. And granted, while he didn't actually mention us, they did have a nice little article about him, which is almost about as good as having a nice article about us. Only, just not saying anything about us.

"Well, next, we'll have our budget report by our treasurer, Coathangerman." A non-descript man wearing a costume with about 200 coathangers hanging off, most of them clattering together, stood up, and gave a report. "Ok, so it seems like our recent outer space odyssey didn't actually make us anything. Ok, we did get some weird alien credits that we could spend if we're ever in the farthest regions of space. But... that doesn't actually translate into American money? So, basically, we went and did all that for free and didn't get paid. We're still at where we were."

-snip -

With that, the meeting came to an end. Calculator, their fearless if not nerdy leader, closed the meeting and encouraged everyone to meet the noobs - the new members of the Infinites, that is - over some refreshments that Sarah had brought. Donuts. Kind of a long running tradition for after Infinites' meetings refreshments, and quick to pick up on the run.

Mommy Dearest

Her heels clicked as she made her way to the refreshments table, a dingy table in a dingy corner of a dingy room. This was quite the hobby she had chosen for herself but it was something to do, though the meeting time was a bit inconvenient. She looked back at her children and saw that her girls were throwing doughnuts at each other and her son was gnawing on the leg of the Tea man. How cute that her children were already making friends! She made her way to the refreshments table, gracefully stepping through the crowd, only to find there were three boxes of crusty, stale doughnuts in beat-up boxes. This was unacceptable. Her bridge club (where they designed, built, and blew up bridges) had better refreshments than this! Looking around, she found the calculator man, in full costume, arranging his notes at the podium. She made her way back and narrowly missed getting hit with a stray (at least she hoped it had been stray) doughnut her daughter had thrown at her head. Those silly girls! She smiled and made her way to the calculator fellow.

"Hello. I have a question for you. It is a good question. The thing about this question is . . . it is a statement." She cleared her throat perfectly. "We should start selling our services in order to generate revenue for crime fighting. And the story on this conversation is . . . it's over."

She turned to walk away, calling for her children to follow. Her girls, who were now grappling and shoving custard filling into each others' hair, popped right up and knocked over several chairs on their way to her. Her son, who obviously hadn't heard her, continued to bite the leg of the Tea man.

by **Talchyon** » Mon May 14, 2018 9:02 pm

Standing outside Ulterior Motive Man's House
Doc Bur-Ock

Having been ushered outside of the house by Ulterior Motive Man's mom, Doc Bur-Ock stood on the porch with the other villains. Of course he recognized the new recruit who came up to talk to him. He always knew what each villain put on his particular form. So, seeing Money Man coming up, Doc Bur-Ock was hoping to avoid the painful discussion that he didn't quite trust Money Man to take the villain's club dues just yet. It wasn't that the villain was any less trustworthy than the rest. It was just that with his power of telekinetically controlling bills and loose change, that might make Doc Bur-Ock have to break out a check to avoid that. And he hated having to write checks and balance his checkbook.

But, as it turned out, that wasn't what Money Man wanted to talk about. It was a good idea. Focusing on the rich gazillionaire Wayne Bruce who was running for mayor wasn't a bad idea. And then taking his dough? That was even better, thought Doc Bur-Ock. Yes. Yes, this just might work.

Looking over the wad of greasy wrinkled papers, Doc Bur-Ock made what he hoped were sympathetic cooing noises, but in reality sounded more like he was having a severe case of phlegm, he glanced at the plans. "Ok. I'm good with concentrating on Wayne Bruce. And, uh, why don't you just pick the best of your robbery plans and tell that one to me. We can talk about that."

Leaders had to delegate, and all. They can't do everything by themselves.

Orient Community Center, rm. 2
Captain Calculator

Pushing his thick glasses further up his nose, the accountant-themed hero - complete with a suit saved from the late 1970's, a pocket protector, and a cape - shook his head sadly when Trance spoke up to Sarah. "Yeah, selling the raw alien materials would have been great. We thought of that idea already. But the problem was that the so-called alien currency that they gave us was nothing but used coffee grounds. We took that in to the lab boys, anyway, and they ran a test on it that proved that it was identical in its chemical composition to Folgers. So, sorry, we just ended up trashing it all. We don't have any more of that strange alien currency now. Glitch tried it in the coffeemaker before we did, though, and he said it didn't totally suck."

But Calculator liked the idea of getting more exposure by way of advertising their skills by protecting the three mayoral candidates. "Who knows? Maybe someone from the comic book companies will see us and want to offer us a contract! It could happen!" The naive and overly optimistic leader of the Infinites kind of had a dreamy look in his eyes as he thought it over.

Meanwhile, as that was happening, another suggestion came in.

A little confused at how the question / statement was supposed to go, and if he was supposed to answer it as a question or a statement, Captain Calculator dodged a thrown donut and said, "Yeah. About that. We've tried that before too, and most of the time when we offer to help someone, they just laugh hysterically before we can even mention our prices. And the few times we did mention that we hire out to use our powers to fight crime? Yeah, I think some of those people are still laughing. The general public is a little, how shall we say, skittish? About hiring us. 'Parently, they don't even realize we have super powers. But, maybe if we put on such a great display of our security abilities for these 3 mayor candidates, everyone will begin to see us in a whole new light! They'll realize that we are Infinites. We really are! And we help protect them, kind of. So yeah, back to what we were saying. It's not like we haven't tried to market our amazing, minor-inconvenience-defying powers. It's just that there isn't a market. Yet. But that's what we're trying to change! Think optimistically!"

Meanwhile, the Teetotaler was calling the young ruffian who was biting his leg all numbers of British slang derogatory terms, that no member of the Infinites actually understood.

About that time, Jerry, the leader of the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting next door, popped his head in. "Hey, Spandex club! Check out that thing that's outside in the sky!" Looking at each other, Calculator and the others raised their eyebrows, shrugged their shoulders, wondered if Jerry was hitting the bottle secretly, and followed him outside the Community Center.

Indeed, there was something shining in the night sky. It looked like this. Jerry asked, "What weirdo electrician designed this signal to shine in the sky at night?
And whatever could it mean?

by **Theocretes** » Wed May 16, 2018 11:24 am

Talchyon wrote:Standing outside Ulterior Motive Man's House
Doc Bur-Ock

Theocretes wrote:A scrawny figure raised his hand in the dark back corner of the villans meeting. One of the new guys, wearing bright green spandex with a giant quarter on his chest.
“I might have an idea” he stood up attempting to take command but with a slight hint of nervous puberty in his voice
“This Wayne Bruce guy, he must be rich to run a campaign in a town as large as 4,500 people! So I say that we not only eliminate the heroes protecting him, but we also steal all his money! A classic robbery!”
The boy paused with pride in his voice, then quickly ducked down and fished through his beaten backpack. Awkwardly shuffling past his villainous compatriots with plenty of “excuse me”’s he finally handed a wad of greasy wrinkled papers to Doctor Bureaucracy.
He whispered in the doctors ear quickly
“These are just my formal heist suggestion papers, I got them approved by my mom”
He sat back down

Having been ushered outside of the house by Ulterior Motive Man's mom, Doc Bur-Ock stood on the porch with the other villains. Of course he recognized the new recruit who came up to talk to him. He always knew what each villain put on his particular form. So, seeing Money Man coming up, Doc Bur-Ock was hoping to avoid the painful discussion that he didn't quite trust Money Man to take the villain's club dues just yet. It wasn't that the villain was any less trustworthy than the rest. It was just that with his power of telekinetically controlling bills and loose change, that might make Doc Bur-Ock have to break out a check to avoid that. And he hated having to write checks and balance his checkbook.

But, as it turned out, that wasn't what Money Man wanted to talk about. It was a good idea. Focusing on the rich gazillionaire Wayne Bruce who was running for mayor wasn't a bad idea. And then taking his dough? That was even better, thought Doc Bur-Ock. Yes. Yes, this just might work.

Looking over the wad of greasy wrinkled papers, Doc Bur-Ock made what he hoped were sympathetic cooing noises, but in reality sounded more like he was having a severe case of phlegm, he glanced at the plans. "Ok. I'm good with concentrating on Wayne Bruce. And, uh, why don't you just pick the best of your robbery plans and tell that one to me. We can talk about that."

Leaders had to delegate, and all. They can't do everything by themselves.

Out on the porch, after grabbing a drink (non alcoholic of course), Money Man slid next to Doc Bur-Ock and began his rambling plans
"First off i'm gonna need the guys address, and probably some blueprints to his house, but that's the easy part. The hard part is getting into his vault and past the heroes that guard it and him. I'm sure that vault has some wack security but we have two choices to get past that. Option one: Brute force, we walk in guns turned sideways and go absolutely gangsta on 'em!"
Money Man struck an awkward pose imitating the act of holding a gun sideways, making what he thought was the face of a "gansta"
He quickly realized what he looked like, and instead resumed his plan
"Or the more reasonable plan is we sneak into one of Bruce's campaign rallies and kidnap him, we make him give us access to the vault and then maybe holding him up for ransom or something."
He took a nice, long, incredibly loud slurp of his soda, closing his eyes with content as he sipped the sugary concoction.
"So which way are we doing it boss?"

by **Great Confederacy of Commonwealth States** » Fri May 18, 2018 9:26 am

Harriet Preston

As I walked in through the long hallways of this Palace of Justice, I felt the weight of responsibility bear down on my shoulders. Every speck of dust seemed filled with the monumental task of peace and liberty that filled these sacred rooms. If one were to listen carefully, the melodic song of the Muses could be heard reverberating through the marble of the institution.

“&#$& OFF, JERRY!” A voice shouted from inside one of the classrooms, thundering through the hallway. Harriet Preston looked up from her notepad, trying to listen in on the conversation on the other side of the door. A mellow voice spoke reassuringly.

“Now, Benny, I get that you are a bit cranky, but…”

“YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE I AM AT, YOU PRETENTIOUS $%#&. YOU DON’T KNOW NOTHING!”

Suddenly, a surge of pain shot through Harriet’s head. She dropped her notepad and pencil, holding her head with both hands. She closed her eyes as the pain slowly subsided from her head. The hard fluorescent lighting of the hallway pierced her eyelids, maintaining a sick feeling she had, almost making her throw up. With a clench fist she banged the door of the AA meeting, which made the voices suddenly fall silent.

“Don’t use a double negative, you MANIAC!” she yelled, her voice easily deafening anyone on the other side of that door. “It’s ‘You don’t know anything’ or ‘you know nothing’!”

Still a bit dizzy from the flagrant misuse of the English language, Harriet picked up her notepad and pencil.

The situation was dire. This fortress of heroes was surrounded on all sides, besieged by ignorants inside and out. There were traitors within its gates. They carried the torch of righteousness, but how could they keep going if they did not know who to trust in their titanic task? I chose to turn and meet these problems head-on. I would not falter in my quest for justice, where so many had faltered before. I would be their backbone, their protection. I pushed open the door, and lo, there were the Infinites. Square-jawed men and round-busted women were gathered around their leader like the court of some ancient and powerful king. Captain Calculator, bane of crime, presided over his Infinites like a monarch over his lands. Around him, his acolytes, ready to do justice at the flick of their leader’s hand. As I walked in, all eyes trained on me. I saw their eyes lighting up with joy, as if a sinking ship laid eyes on their rescuers. At that moment I knew what pivotal part I had to play in the story to come.

As Harriet pushed through the door, she hardly got a peep from the people there. Most of them didn’t even notice her coming in. They weren’t exactly the stuff of legend. Their leader was a man that would feel more at home calculating your taxes than anywhere near super hero duty. The others were a crew of misfits and the like. Was that guy sleeping? Harriet jumped as the heavy door fell shut behind her, using her pencil hand to clutch her heart. Silently, she took a seat near the back of the room. From where she sat she had a perfect view of everyone without being too noticeable herself.

Captain Calculator was a man of hard justice, hard law, and hard order. He did not allow rumour or chatter in his presence. A single firm strike of his clenched fist made all silent, as they knew what punishments would follow if their disobeyed their leader. He stood up, standing straight and powerful in the light falling through the windows. He looked through the room, the light reflecting of his thin, fatherly spectacles.

“Welcome, all” he said, looking every one of us in the eyes. His gaze inspired a confidence I hadn’t often felt before. His gaze was a warm embrace, telling me in just one look that all would be fine if we were just to follow his leadership.

“There is only one superpower” the man said, lightly leaning on his unbroken table and looking into the room. “There is one superpower which makes or breaks a person. You can haul tanks through 100 miles of desert and not have it, and you can be a spellchecker for a newspaper and still possess this power. Moral character is the only superpower I accept among you, my brothers and sisters. Show that, and you will find a family here. Lack this… And you will find out while they call me the Captain. Am I making myself very clear?”

“Yes, Captain!” the room bellowed as one. I had not been here for 15 minutes and I already felt the power that emanated from this sacred hall. I could see the future, and it was bright. Full of hardship, but bright as the dawn.

Just as Harriet put a period behind that last sentence, the group had finished singing the out-of-tune song they had been presented. Harriet looked disdainful at the man sitting behind his broken desk, hardly capable of looking into the room as he spoke. He made it very hard to reimagine him as a fearless seeker of justice, but this wasn’t the first rodeo Harriet had to go through. She would make the man a hero, even if she had to fight reality itself to accomplish it. As she looked around to find a few more colourful characters for her novel-in-being, she saw someone move from the corner of her eye. An impeccably dressed woman, straight from some 50’s household equipment ad, walked forth. Harriet took her pencil and began writing feverishly.

From the back of the room, like an angel bathed in light, came walking Mommy Dear. This was the most beautiful being I had ever laid my eyes on. She stood straight, like a lighthouse in the storm, a beacon for all those seeking a safe haven. Her tones were sugary and firm, and her voice filled the room with heroic rhythm.

“As the super-powered” she said, looking around the room in a dramatic pause. “We have a duty to uphold to society. We should protect what society wants us to protect, those things that make us American. If we protect the bedrock of our society, society will be able to protect itself. We will give everyone the super powers that our glorious leader so eloquently described to us”

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone was flustered and silenced by the wise words of this beautiful being. Everyone buy me was nailed to the ground. I stood up, given strength by the presence of these two powerful beings. “Hurrah for this idea, and hurrah for Mommy Dear!” I yelled. Soon, the whole room followed my example, exploding in a loud applause. In the rhythm not unlike that of a Roman trireme drumming its ramming speed, those present yelled ‘Huzzah!’ in quick succession. Both Mommy Dear and the Captain looked gratefully at me, and I nodded back to them. It was clear our triumvirate was going to achieve great things.

Harriet remained in total silence as Mommy Dear finished what she was saying about getting funds for what they did. It wasn’t really a heroic thing to say, but as the minutia of this meeting were not likely to go public, there was a manner of freedom she could maintain while writing. Their wet rag of a chairman dismissed the idea, mostly because their market value was really low. Afterwards, with the hopeful tone of a deer looking into headlights, Captain Calculator spoke at length about how they should involve themselves in the mayoral race. Doing well there would probably give them a lot of street cred. Harriet was quick to spin this in a somewhat different light.

“Miss Parker, Miss Preston” the captain spoke, conjuring the first smile he had apparently shown in quite some time. “I agree with your idea. Democracy is what makes us American, and what allows us to call ourselves free. Therefore, protecting democracy should be our highest calling. I have decided to vow ourselves to democracy, in whatever shape it presents itself. Such is my vow”

Harriet was about to write some more, but her concentration was rudely broken by Jerry of AA bursting into their room. Quickly, the room emptied, following him outside. Huddled on the steps of the building, the Infinites looked up at the sky.

We looked up to see our aid being called; an image of hope for all who saw it, knowing that their saints, their angels, were on their way. A symbol which inspired hope. A symbol…

It was a wombat. Harriet swallowed as she flipped through her writing of the day. She was going to have to do some major editing if it was to become believable…

by **Zjaum** » Fri May 18, 2018 10:59 pm

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

This was the life. Right now. Nothing could be better.

His pursuit of a job from the last arc had landed him a gig at a pizza place. The manager wanted drone-delivery pizzas, but Henry's superpowers just avoided the massive Minnesota regulations on drone usage. He was earning slightly above minimum wage, sure, but his living costs were relatively low, given his housing situation. Now, he was carrying a large box of pizzas, slowly flying over the relatively short skyline of Orient, listening to the classics. Both the Beach Boys and Paganini, alternately. It was a strange night, but he liked it that way.

Then, without warning, a big flashy light struck his vision, tearing through the night sky and, incidentally, his retinas. Out of pain and shock, he dropped his pizzas onto the ground below, presumedly making some random person really happy (or really dead, or really upset, depending on how/where the pizzas landed). For a brief moment, the specter in the night sky looked like this:

Confound it all. He got his flip phone out and called the manager. "Hi, hello, sorry. There was a workplace hazard, and the cargo fell down... You're asking what the problem was? Look outside your window... Yeah, I'm probably going to need the night off. There's probably some Infinites shenanigans to which I must attend... They're a superhero group in town... Yes, just like the Texas Infinites... Well, now you know... No, I'm not a part of them, but I've worked with them in the past. Look, can I have tonight off?... I don't know, do whatever you did before you hired me... all right, thanks. Have a fun time!"

He slowly began drifting downwards the old basement of the... the bad guy's house.

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

Aubree hurried toward the old townhouse, unaware of the cracks her metal feet made on the sidewalk. She was still on her (self-appointed) probationary period, and she was already going to be late twice! If she hadn't spent so much time working at that ex-uranium mine, maybe all this could have been avoided. Still, it was nice to have a...

As if by divine providence, a pizza dropped from the sky in front of her. Skeptical, she opened the inside of the box to find a perfectly-intact pizza. Huzzah! This is what she could use to regain the affection of her peers! Huzzah again! She grabbed the box and rushed to the Legion hall.

When she got there, everyone was just staring at the sky. She was perplexed, but she realized she could use this to her advantage. She approached the group. "Hello, guys. Did I mention that I was here this whole time?" She bit her help; it pained her to lie... "I'm sorry, guys; that was a lie. Please accept my pizza as my humble apologies." Shoot, that was supposed to compensate for her tardiness, not for her lie! Maybe if she just ignored everything, it would all blow away... "So, what'cha lookin' at?"

by **The Last Abode of Pando** » Sat May 19, 2018 1:14 pm

Ed and Aesculapius

Thursday's newspaper was a little disenfranchising to the twins. It reminded them that the great city of Orient, Minnesota didn't think enough of them to even vote them past the primaries. Apparently they weren't eligible because Minnesota doesn't accept their time in a fantasy land to count toward their age. That and the fact that they were in fact, two separate people. During the meeting, both Ed and Aesculapius felt slightly downtrodden causing them to simply go through the motions, similar to when the Minnesota Swarm lacrosse team moved to Georgia back in 2015.

The newer members of the Infinites seemed to be quite talkative. They had already asked at least two questions between themselves.

Other than that, Captain Calculator talking and trying to motivate the group of heroes, the Teetotaler stating that the Infinites had no money, Sarah telling the minutes from the last meeting, and Jerry barging in, saying that he had found something new that the heroes needed to look at.

As usual, everyone followed Jerry to the outside. The twins, the twins who are part of the Minnesota Infinites, the Minnesota Twins, were the last to leave the room, entirely because they weren't paying attention. Once they realized that everyone else had left, they turned around and did the awkward half-jog through the Legion Center's room 1, because neither Twin felt like sprinting at full speed through a room of recovering alcoholics.

What ended up happening was worse than anyone could have imagined, unless by 'anyone' you mean 'me,' by 'could' you mean 'did,' by 'have' you mean absolutely nothing, and by 'imagined' you mean 'thought of on the spot and thought that it would be kind of funny, in an ~~Iranic~~ ironic sort of way.' Otherwise, no one could have imagined it, unless they met those previous additional rules. As the Twins got to the door, they appeared to glow in the manner of Zach Braun, have Kirby-esque tendrils of energy come off their skin, be lifted up and hover eight feet above the ground, spin in a circle, force any possible cameras to rotate around them faster than they did, almost go supernova (without the heat), emit rays of light from all areas of exposed skin, continue rotating, go back to ground height, stop glowing, reveal that they had turned into conjoined-at-the-hip-and-all-the-way-down-the-leg wombats, wearing tiny suits of armor emblazoned with the symbol of the Minnesota Infinites, and remain oblivious to the change. While the other heroes had been looking at the bright sign in the sky, this quickly grew to be the brightest object in the night sky, until it wasn't.

Presumably, as the Twins were exiting out the front door, the entire group of former alcoholics rubbed their eyes, picked up their cups of coffee, stared at them, blinked three times, placed the cups back down, and remembered to not mention this to anyone else.

"Hey, guys. What are we looking at?" asked wombat-Ed.

"It looks like a man attached to a balloon, dropping pizza."

Florida Man
David Adams

This meeting of the G.T.W.F.C.T.O.M.S.V.C.A.A.O.D.P.L.B.O.T.M.I.D. seemed to be ambling along at the speed of bureaucracy, which made for a rather boring meeting, so David decided to go outside of the basement, to the outside world, and stare off into space, where his last job had been. He loved being a space plumber, until the plot accelerator accelerated subatomic subplots to high velocities by means of electric or electromagnetic fields. The accelerated plots are generally made to collide with other plots, either as a research technique or for the generation of high-energy plot lines and story arcs.

Wait, what? You're telling me that that's not how plot accelerators work?

I'm choosing to not believe you, that's how particle accelerators work, why should plots work differently than particles?

They are probably both part of the species, P. accelerator, being P. accelerator lot and P. accelerator article.

Anyhoo,

"Hey guys, I think you should see this! Someone made a giant ovoid capybara in the sky!"

by **Talchyon** » Mon May 21, 2018 6:34 pm

Standing outside Ulterior Motive Man's House
Doc Bur-Ock

Doc Bur-Ock was in a grumpy mood. Not only had the other villains failed to comply with going through the established bureaucratic process of getting their villain's club name changed. And it was so easy! He could fill out the whole 23 page form in his sleep - and in fact, did sometimes fill out such forms in his sleep, just to do it. But he was restricted as the club's president from actually suggesting names and filling out forms. That meant, the others had to step it up, but everyone was acting like it was too much hassle and for no good reason.

But if that wasn't bad enough, now here was Money Man asking which of the two (!!) robbery ideas he thought was best, when all along, Doc Bur-Ock had only asked for one! ONE!! Could his ~~underlings~~ fellow ~~crimelords~~ stooges and sometimes cannon fodder do nothing right?

And even worse, Diet Cola, who would normally just threaten to douse anyone in carbonated brown gooeyness who started to annoy Doc Bur-Ock was playing hooky, skipping the meeting, and doing who knows what.

So, Doc Bur-Ock said (to shut Money Man up if nothing else), "The second one. We'll do that." He had forgotten even what the second plan was. But who cared? As long as it involved choosing something and having Money Man get lost in deep thought and stopping conversation, it was fine with him. For all he knew, that second robbery plan involved Money Man dressing up like Wayne Bruce's latest girlfriend and finagling the secret password code and security clearance to get into the gazillionaire's safe. And actually, it might be kind of funny and potentially blackmail material to get several pictures of Money Man in drag. A smile crossed Doc Bur-Ock's lips as he thought of that. A smile, which, would probably be mistaken for a sign of respect for a good plan.

It was at that time that the bad guys began to notice the strange yellow and black symbol that shined in the evening Orient sky. A strange symbol indeed, with part of it moving! Wait. No, the symbol wasn't moving. That was a silhouette. Who in their right mind would be flying tonight right there? It would have to be some crazy person who thought it was thrilling and possibly nostalgic to fly in a balloon. Somebody mentally disturbed who says crap like, "Snickerdoodles" and "Curmudgeon" and "Jiminy Cricket Ball Bats" and... Oh! The silhouette was coming closer. It gradually took appearance as Doc Bur-Ock was ready to sneer at the total loser who would attempt that kind of antiquated, old-fashioned relic of a transportation system today. And... Oh. "Hi Blimp Man. Good to see you."

Florida Man, with the other villains, was also noticing the symbol.

The Last Abode of Pando wrote:"Hey guys, I think you should see this! Someone made a giant ovoid capybara in the sky!"

Doc Bur-Ock slowly nodded. Whatever it was, it was trouble. And where there was trouble, he wanted to be involved right in it.

"Guys, we got a new plan. Since our meeting was tragically cut short," throwing a glare at Ulterior Motive Man, who pretended not to notice and instead fiddled with straightening out one of his mom's flower beds out a little neater, "Instead, I as the head cheese of this nameless organization, or the G.T.W.F.C.T.O.M.S.V.C.A.A.O.D.P.L.B.O.T.M.I.D. for short, I say we go check out this symbolic disturbance and cause some trouble too. We'll make it an evening yet. And we can talk about how we're going to get this gazillionaire Wayne Bruce guy on the way. Let's make like a baby and head out."

And the villains left the house in the quiet neighborhood where Ulterior Motive Man lived (in the basement of his parent's house), and headed off towards the strange, ovoid-capybara-looking symbol shining in the sky.

Standing outside the Orient Town Community Center, just lookin' in the sky
Glitch

So like, dude, the meeting was of epic importance, an' all. Like, we were covering the most major events of earth-shattering magnitude in the past week - and dude, I was like stoic. I take it all in stride. Just nod my head at all the important points, get in a groove, try to look smooth like Slipstream, and just show the noobs who just joined us that they can look up to me and get any hints they need. 'Cause like, dude. I got this. I've been with the Minnesota Infinites for, well, I s'pose it's been some time now, but dude. There was a time when I was once a member of the West Coast Infinites. Well, almost. I was like 99% with them when they all of a sudden changed their minds and thought I should go here. But I don' mind, 'cause, like, it's all part of my gargantuously long killer back story that will make those potential comic book readers buy subscriptions to my future issues. Right now, I'm still at issue #0, because like, I think the comic book companies must have lost my phone number or something. I'm sure they've been trying to wear out my answering machine with their calls, but it's just like, yuh know, everyone has times they misplace things. But I'm chill with waiting. Eventually they'll come knocking.

But like, then, we were all like ushered out into the street to like stare up at the sky, and I was like, "Dude." That's all that I had to say. It was like, something I had seen once, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It's like, dude, whatever familiar thing this was reminding me of was like right there, and about to come off the tip of my tongue and dude, it was like so, almost. Yuh know?

And then, this guy in a hot air balloon sailed across the evening sky with the weird yellowish-black dealie lighting it up up there, an' all. And I got it! I stopped being stoic, and got like all animated? And I was like, "Dude! That's where I saw that before! Like, it was a documentary! There was this guy, but he was like a kid. And this weird alien creature came down and like, all he ever wanted to eat was like Reese's Pieces, and he was like, dude, my finger glows, and I don't like have a cell phone an' all? But his voice was really weird? Dude. An' like, the boy and this weirdo alien went trick-or-treating on his bike and then they flew up in the sky, and there was this part of the documentary that was like all classic, and it was just like what we're seeing here. 'Cause, it was black on yellow. Only, that was like only a boy on a bike and a weirdo alien peeking out of the basket that you saw, and not like, some kind of guinea pig or whatever the heck that is..."

Coathangerman looked at Glitch with an expression that if Glitch was even slightly better at reading social cues, would have noticed right away that Coathangerman thought he was a complete moron. "A documentary? You dummy, that was E.T.! That wasn't a documentary!"

But I was like, "No way, dude. 'Cause I saw like that documentary about the weirdo alien who didn't have cell phone service right before I saw the documentary about the gila monsters that come up from underground and like, terrify people. Like what we talked about at the meeting." And Coathangerman just rolled his eyes and looked away.

And that's when I noticed like some librarian type babe chicken scratching notes on her little ream there, and I looked and it was all about us. And I was like, "Dude. The comic book company sent their people. Finally! After so long! I'm going to get my own title! And you guys can of course be included in it. I don't mind sharing the spotlight (as long as like, dude, my name's on the front and it's technically only from my point of view an' all)"

Captain Calculator

Ignoring Glitch, Calculator said, "Guys, I don't know about you, but something doesn't feel right here. Oh, and it's not the fact that my wife got a new laundry detergent that makes your clothes give you kind of a rash? No, I meant about that guinea pig sign, or whatever that is. I'm an accountant, not a zoologist. But I've lived in Orient a long time, and I've never seen anything like that. I think we should go check it out. Let's climb in the Infinite-mobile and we can get there quicker. You want to drive, Trance? That way, I can ride shotgun and tell us where to turn." So what if Trance wasn't on their family car insurance? Calculator didn't seem to mind this time. He was sure his wife would be perfectly fine with that. She was so understanding.

It was then, however, that Calculator noticed what had become of the twins. "Ed? Aesculapius? You guys turned into rodents. Or something. Is that going to be a problem?

by **Theocretes** » Thu May 24, 2018 8:59 am

Talchyon wrote:Standing outside Ulterior Motive Man's House
Doc Bur-Ock

Theocretes wrote:Out on the porch, after grabbing a drink (non alcoholic of course), Money Man slid next to Doc Bur-Ock and began his rambling plans
"First off i'm gonna need the guys address, and probably some blueprints to his house, but that's the easy part. The hard part is getting into his vault and past the heroes that guard it and him. I'm sure that vault has some wack security but we have two choices to get past that. Option one: Brute force, we walk in guns turned sideways and go absolutely gangsta on 'em!"
Money Man struck an awkward pose imitating the act of holding a gun sideways, making what he thought was the face of a "gansta"
He quickly realized what he looked like, and instead resumed his plan
"Or the more reasonable plan is we sneak into one of Bruce's campaign rallies and kidnap him, we make him give us access to the vault and then maybe holding him up for ransom or something."
He took a nice, long, incredibly loud slurp of his soda, closing his eyes with content as he sipped the sugary concoction.
"So which way are we doing it boss?"

Doc Bur-Ock was in a grumpy mood. Not only had the other villains failed to comply with going through the established bureaucratic process of getting their villain's club name changed. And it was so easy! He could fill out the whole 23 page form in his sleep - and in fact, did sometimes fill out such forms in his sleep, just to do it. But he was restricted as the club's president from actually suggesting names and filling out forms. That meant, the others had to step it up, but everyone was acting like it was too much hassle and for no good reason.

But if that wasn't bad enough, now here was Money Man asking which of the two (!!) robbery ideas he thought was best, when all along, Doc Bur-Ock had only asked for one! ONE!! Could his ~~underlings~~ fellow ~~crimelords~~ stooges and sometimes cannon fodder do nothing right?

And even worse, Diet Cola, who would normally just threaten to douse anyone in carbonated brown gooeyness who started to annoy Doc Bur-Ock was playing hooky, skipping the meeting, and doing who knows what.

So, Doc Bur-Ock said (to shut Money Man up if nothing else), "The second one. We'll do that." He had forgotten even what the second plan was. But who cared? As long as it involved choosing something and having Money Man get lost in deep thought and stopping conversation, it was fine with him. For all he knew, that second robbery plan involved Money Man dressing up like Wayne Bruce's latest girlfriend and finagling the secret password code and security clearance to get into the gazillionaire's safe. And actually, it might be kind of funny and potentially blackmail material to get several pictures of Money Man in drag. A smile crossed Doc Bur-Ock's lips as he thought of that. A smile, which, would probably be mistaken for a sign of respect for a good plan.

It was at that time that the bad guys began to notice the strange yellow and black symbol that shined in the evening Orient sky. A strange symbol indeed, with part of it moving! Wait. No, the symbol wasn't moving. That was a silhouette. Who in their right mind would be flying tonight right there? It would have to be some crazy person who thought it was thrilling and possibly nostalgic to fly in a balloon. Somebody mentally disturbed who says crap like, "Snickerdoodles" and "Curmudgeon" and "Jiminy Cricket Ball Bats" and... Oh! The silhouette was coming closer. It gradually took appearance as Doc Bur-Ock was ready to sneer at the total loser who would attempt that kind of antiquated, old-fashioned relic of a transportation system today. And... Oh. "Hi Blimp Man. Good to see you."

Florida Man, with the other villains, was also noticing the symbol.

The Last Abode of Pando wrote:"Hey guys, I think you should see this! Someone made a giant ovoid capybara in the sky!"

Doc Bur-Ock slowly nodded. Whatever it was, it was trouble. And where there was trouble, he wanted to be involved right in it.

"Guys, we got a new plan. Since our meeting was tragically cut short," throwing a glare at Ulterior Motive Man, who pretended not to notice and instead fiddled with straightening out one of his mom's flower beds out a little neater, "Instead, I as the head cheese of this nameless organization, or the G.T.W.F.C.T.O.M.S.V.C.A.A.O.D.P.L.B.O.T.M.I.D. for short, I say we go check out this symbolic disturbance and cause some trouble too. We'll make it an evening yet. And we can talk about how we're going to get this gazillionaire Wayne Bruce guy on the way. Let's make like a baby and head out."

And the villains left the house in the quiet neighborhood where Ulterior Motive Man lived (in the basement of his parent's house), and headed off towards the strange, ovoid-capybara-looking symbol shining in the sky.

Following the group for most of the way to the light, M.M. had a realization that when the villains actually got to the beacon there might be a fight.
A real deal, violent encounter. One that would require Money Man himself to actually fight a hero!?
He was having none of that so he quickly pulled a strategic exit, left stage.
Now he wasn't entirely cowardly, you see this was just a 'strategic flanking maneuver' he'd still follow the villains just at a safe, hidden, distance.
Besides, why would he want to fight anyone with such an adorable logo?

by **Rhodonite** » Thu May 24, 2018 4:26 pm

Janice Dolby, aka "Starlett", was casually strolling out of a coffee shop in casual business attire. In her left habd, she held the usual Double Shot Caramel Frappuccino With Extra Whipped Cream(tm). As someone aspiring to be a celebrity, working as a receptionist for the Planet Daily (a dying newspaper) wasn't the most ideal place to be. Despite the circumstances, Janice fulfilled the role of a quirky, hard-working young woman, wearing the persona like a glove.

It had been a long work day, and she wasn't sure if she even wanted to attend the G.T.W.F.C.T.O.M.S.V.A.A.O.D.P.L.B.O.T.M.I. meeting. Tonight, she would be able to enjoy herself, and if that meant binge-watching two seasons of Glee whilst wrapped in a blanklet cocoon, so be it!

The capybara logo changed that. It moved etherealy, a soft glow bouncing off of the clouds above. Visible from almost every angle, especially from the window of a claustrophobia inducing apartment.

If this was the work of a hero, she wouldn't dream of passing the opportunity up. Almost instinctively, she raced out of the apartment and ran to the nearest phonebooth, exiting in "uniform" just seconds later (iced coffee in hand, of course).

After stylishly speed-walking five or so blocks, she ended up bumping into the rest of the G.T.W.F.C.T.O.M.S.V.A.A.O.D.P.L.B.O.T.M.I. "Oh, darlings, it's so nice getting to see you again!" Starlett chimed. "Sorry I'm late, I was, um, attending to celebrity business."

Really? Showing up late with coffe? How cliché.

"So, Doctor," she added, glancing over to Doc Bur-Ock, "How have you been lately?" The red, near invincible locks of hair flowed effortlessly with every movement, despite the factory's wiry of chemicals pasted onto them.

by **Talchyon** » Sat May 26, 2018 3:47 pm

Captain Calculator

"Well, sorry Trance. Since you didn't want to drive, I will. Probably better on my family's insurance premiums anyway. Um, Teetotaler, why don't you ride shotgun and help me get there. We got to check out what this symbol is about!"

The Infinites all piled into Calculator's family station wagon (a normal, pedestrian four door that seemed to miraculously fit every single one of the Infinites inside, comfortably, and even legally too!). Calculator turned the ignition, started the car and took off, with the Teetotaler giving directions, even though one of Mommy Dearest's young children was still conveniently biting his ankle off. Ignoring the welps of pain, the obviously British slang curse words, and the accidental times when Teetotaler lapsed back into his native North Dakota dialect forgetting the fact that he was supposed to be acting as completely English, Calculator drove through the town. Right. Left. Straight. Right. Right. Left. Left behind. Right. Right, as in, correct. Now a real right. Now write right. Straight right. Left by the lift. Left again. Straight again. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two rights make a left. Left. And then, it looked like they were almost there, when...

The Teetotaler looked up in the sky, and said, "I say. That sticky wicket cockamamie signal we were tailing has suddenly stopped. It's no longer shining." Sure enough, the black and yellow mysterious sign that lit up the night was no longer visible. Calculator looked briefly, returned his eyes to the road and said, "Then tell me how to get where you think it was."

"Where I think it was? What do you take me for, Calculator? A map?"

"They're called GPSs now, Steve. The young people and Uber drivers all use it." It was a conversation that the middle-aged Captain Calculator and the elderly Teetotaler had had many times.

The Teetotaler crossed his arms. "Well, I never. These new-fangled whatchama-gizmos have no comparison to the old days, when you used memory, landmarks, stopping at petrol stations to ask, and straight up guessing."

"You're telling me."

That said, the Teetotaler assumed that they were in the general area of where the signal had been coming from. Calculator parked, and they got out. They were roughly a block from where they had come from, only it was behind them. The small-town Orient family stores were closed for the evening as the town people went to their school activities. There was a dark alley in between two of the stores, however, where there was a quiet noise coming from. It was the unmistakable noise of an unintelligible groan, the kind of sound one makes when they have been beaten to a pulp and left for dead...

Doc Bur-Ock

He was beginning to regret his crabby behavior. It wasn't Money Man's fault that Diet Cola had not shown up to the meeting. And the master of all bureaucracy knew that having the plan to steal from Wayne Bruce the gazillionaire and mayoral candidate, did have its advantages. To make up to Money Man, Doc Bur-Ock said, "Hey, Money Man. When we do get the money from this gazillionaire Wayne Bruce, you can have $100 of it all to yourself. (The rest, of course, has to go to pay our overhead)."

Also, another of their new villains (esses? villainesses? Women in spandex not doing aerobics?) But the redheaded coffee-bearer had seen the yellow and black capybara. Great. "Ah, Starlet. Good to see you. I see your hair is looking mighty impenetrable tonight."

About a block away from where the mysterious ovoid capybara-looking symbol was shining, the villains paused to discuss the trouble they could cause when they got there. Fight a hero, maybe. Or possibly recruit whatever was there to join their ranks as a new villain. Maybe draw bunny ears on the symbol to make it look funny. Yes. There were definitely ideas.

But the signal went out! That ovoid-capybara was no longer shining. Whatever happened, it was done. "That means something," Doc Bur-Ock mused. "It means that whoever had that signal probably forgot to pay for his electric bill. Next month, he'll remember. And then his light won't go out like that. Too bad it takes some people forgetting to pay their bills once to learn that." And they took off to see what was up.

All but Money Man, that is. Money Man was hanging back, apparently not wanting to fight a hero. Or maybe it was a courageous "strategic flanking maneuver". Good thought. So Doc Bur-Ock shouted, "Good idea, Money Man. We'll go in and scare him out straight to you, and then you can go against that hero one on one!" Man, the guy was brave.

The light seemed to have come from a dark alley between some small Orient family stores. And there was a sound from the inside. A familiar sound. The villains ran to the entrance of the dark alley, just as the Infinites ran to the other side of the dark alley from the other street. Two sides, good and evil, meeting together in the middle. One side light, one side dark, except if you were talking about the illumination in the alley, in which it was mostly dark with enough light to see enough in front of you to almost avoid tripping. Almost.

Doc Bur-Ock saw his archnemesis, Captain Calculator coming with the heroes. "I should have known! Captain Calculator and the In-fants! I bet you rigged that weird, mysterious ovoid capybara symbol we saw in the sky to capture us!"

At the same time, Captain Calculator saw Doc Bur-Ock and the villains approaching. "Doctor Bureaucracy! The foul stench of bureaucrats precedes you. I bet you rigged that mysterious looking symbol we saw in the sky to capture us!"

Both of them were relatively surprised that the other side had not been responsible for making the weird signal that was no longer shining. And both were relatively surprised that they could hear the other, even though they were both talking at the same time.

But they were also even more surprised at some of the unusual items that were in the dark alley. There was a pot of soup, still warm. Clam chowder. There was a hand-held magnifying glass, crushed. And in the middle of the semi-wide alley, stuck between the two buildings to either side, was... a full-size sailboat, of all things! What the devil? Why was there a sailboat stuck between two buildings in a dark alley, in Orient, Minnesota, near absolutely none of the 10,000 of Minnesota's lakes?

However, there was nothing that could make a strange looking black-and-yellow signal light up the Orient, Minnesota sky.

As the two groups drew closer to investigate, there was also something else there in the alley they had not seen. Or rather, someone else. For In the middle of the alley, hidden in shadows, a pair of grandma shoes pointed out. It was an elderly lady! Like one of the old women who had been mugged recently! What was that, like the 5th old lady in 3 weeks?! She had dozens of injuries and was bleeding in several places. A low, guttural whimper escaped her wind pipes. But noticing the heroes and villains, she drew up her strength and said the only thing she could muster. "Attacked... That... that... hurts... so much... didn't expect... auugghhh... fur... wom..." And then she passed out.

Calculator quickly called for a time-out (not that the villains had to go by it), but got his cell phone out and called 911. Meanwhile, Coathangerman said, "That lady, she was just attacked here! Maybe by whoever had that weird rodent light that we all saw. And she was saying it was by a woman?!"

by **Rhodonite** » Sun May 27, 2018 1:09 pm

Starlett
Everything about the scenario was completely off. The boat, the signal the old woman in the parking lot. This was...wrong, for lack of a better term. For a moment, the confident diva stood in shock, staring at the unfolding mess that was the crime scene.

Looking closer, she realized that the soup was still warm, heat radiating from its container. Who would leave a perfectly fine can of clam chowder in an alley? Were they planning to eat it there?

Next, the spy glass. It.was shattered, all right. This wasn't the kind of item you could just drop accidentally and cause that kind of damage. Whoever the spy glass belonged to either purposefully damazed it, or it was knocked out of their hands in a fight (and possibly destroyed later).

As far as sailboats go, the one in the alley was abysmally generic. There weren't any identifying features visible, and its name was difficult to read in such a swirly fint, especially late at night.

The rodent signal had burned out, but Starlett could still remember the general area it was coming from. As the crow flies, it would have taken around twelve minutes to get there. If the crow wasn't stealing clam chowder, that is.

Starlett turned to the other villains, focus burning in her eyes. "As much as I'd like to stay here, wouldn't this be a good time to find where that signal was coming from?"

by **Tribe of Rinos** » Tue May 29, 2018 5:31 am

The Big Cheese
The Big Cheese, who had been following the group, looked over the scene silently, arms crossed. He looked over at the “heros.” One of them, called Colonel or Captain Calculator, which one it was, he could not remember, pulled out a phone. “Well, now we know what the old lady killer’s sign is.” He walked around the scene, looking at the items littered on the floor. He looked at the woman, confused. “Could she have said furry woman? Or could it have been it furry wombat? Or furry wom...” He stopped, thinking. “I’m out of things that start with wom. I think it’s wombat though. Those things are vicious.” He continued snooping around the the scene and looked at the heros. “Do you have anyone with wombat powers?” He made a small ball out of cheese and began tossing it in the air, before dropping it and splattering cheese on the ground.

by **The Last Abode of Pando** » Tue May 29, 2018 7:43 pm

Ed and Aesculapius
Can I Call Them The Minnesota Twins?

"Hmm. We went Right. Left. Straight. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Straight right. Left by the lift. Left again. Straight again. Left." Muttered Ed, attached to Aesculapius, both getting out of the station wagon. "Wouldn't it have been easier to have gone straight-right-straight? Captain Calculator, do you have any idea what the streets of Orient are like?"

The dark alley, for some reason not located on Old Abandoned Warehouse Lane, was as dark as ... well ... family store shadows. The twins, neither of which had yet realized that they were wombat-shaped, both acted confused as to why everybody else had gotten much taller.

"Hey, Ed, isn't it strange that everybody else is now twice as tall as they used to be?"

"Now that you mention it... A bit, yeah."

Hot clam chowder, a crushed magnifying glass, and a sailboat left all the markings of the New England Infinites. Why were they in Orient, Minnesota? Could it be one of those famous crossovers the characters had heard so much about? Probably not.

“Do you have anyone with wombat powers?” asked The Big Cheese. At that instant, Aesculapius realized that he and his brother had turned into wombats, the time of ignorance was up, and with a crackle crackle hiss hiss crackle, the wombat skins fell to the ground, revealing the two fully sized brothers, still conjoined.

Florida Man
David Adams

After the longish walk to the dark alley, the heroes and villains ran into each other once again. Adams decided that his best plan of attack was to grab a ghutra-patterned towel and a napkin ring, put on his best Saudi accent, and impersonate a member of the royal family.

Just then, the dying woman mustered those famous last words,

I was attacked by four people in different colors and a Great Dane. That dog was the same beast that attacked all the other old ladies over the past few weeks. He appears to have superpowers, and can bark at fifteen thousand Hertz. So much Hertz. It's enough to kill a person. I didn't expect my ears to go auugghhh like everyone else's. The four people used a furlong long womera to escape."

Granted, she only said the bold words, but Florida Man ~~read~~ listened between the lines. With his newfound knowledge, he knew that those that killed her must have been the New England Infinites, Chowdaman, Magnifi, and The Human Boat. Now, if only he knew what were they doing in Minnesota. He decided to save it for later, instead asking the Infinites, "What are you doing to this lovely old lady in this dark alley?" Hey, it's always worth a shot.

https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/florida/articles/2018-05-29/florida-man-guilty-of-impersonating-saudi-royal-member

by **The Clockwork Cities** » Wed May 30, 2018 12:19 am

The Phantom Conductor

So this was the G.T.W.F.C.T.O.M.S.V.A.A.O.D.P.L.B.O.T.M.I? He had definitely been lied to, this wasn't no meeting of great composers... Then again the slightly big man he asked claimed it was some kind of "Stupid Villain Conference"? At least it was quieter here, away from the loud, annoyance of some annoying little brat by the name of Justin... What was the other name? If it wasn't for the PG/12+ rating he would have most likely swore, but this seemed like an interesting crowd of people.

Slipping into the crowd he gave a small, quiet "Bonjour" before telling himself he needed to speak English around these parts. As much as he despised the language, but at least it wasn't German. With that he kept silent, listening to what the others had to say before he would speak himself. He never did, he wasn't even sure he was at the right place anymore. After all they where chasing some giant rat thing in the sky, then again he could make a good opera out of that, so he would follow regardless. But then again, they weren't even investigating that.

As they looked over the lady he brought fourth a small band and began to play. As awkward as it sounded at least he was creating music, which meant the budget could go elsewhere. Although this alleyway was perhaps not the best place for it, and he didn't seem to care about the rest of the world around him. At least he wasn't doing anything wrong.

by **Auphelia** » Wed May 30, 2018 10:57 am

Mommy Dearest

She followed the group as it chased the image of an animal across the sky, some sort of lump that they swore was a marsupial. She kept quiet at the scene for a while, and watched her children start looting the old woman's dead body. She would have told them to stop, but she was thinking too hard. The gears of her mind churned for the first time in months, struck out of the minutiae of lunches and lacrosse games. It felt great, invigorating, absolutely marvellous! She had hoped that joining a superhero team would have helped her, and little did she know it would begin during her first meeting.

As she mulled the woman's last words she noticed her son was beginning to gnaw on some sort of claw, previously having been lodged in the woman's hand. Her son then opened the corpse's hand to reveal that she had been holding some sort of . . . as yes, a wad of money. Quickly intervening she swooped in like the hero she was (or would be soon) and deftly tossed her son to the side, got her eldest daughter's hair unstuck from the clasp of the old lady's hand bag, and scooped up her youngest daughter so she wouldn't start crawling up the woman's dress to look for more valuables. And then it hit her.

She turned to the man, the Captain of . . . Commerce? Something. She handed him a pair of gold earrings, a bag of mints, and the wad of money. She then dumped her daughter on the Tea man, where she promptly began biting his neck, and grabbed the money back. Flipping through it, she realised it was several hundred USD worth of bills, with various expired coupons and Monopoly money bills interspersed. Odd, but perhaps it would help with the Infinites' financial worries.

"Captain Cardinal, after some . . . likely illegal investigating by my children, it would appear that this woman was robbed by . . ." she quickly pulled her son up off the ground where he was beginning to try to burrow into the pavement, plucked the claw out of his hands, and promptly dropped him once more. Then she shoved the claw into the man's face. "A WOMBAT!"

Her eldest daughter gasped on cue, but it turned out she had merely choked on a piece of the poor Tea man's costume, where she and her sister were attacking him. Her son rushed over to join, knocking the man over, the entire group falling into a nearby open sewer hole. She would have fretted, but she always managed to get stains out of her children's clothes. She really was a perfect mother.

by **Talchyon** » Wed May 30, 2018 4:04 pm

The dark alley
Doc Bur-Ock

As the haunting music of Albinoni filled the dark alley, played by an equally haunting ghost symphony, Doc Bur-Ock did what he always did to music. He ignored it. After all, things of this nature gave the villains and the Infinites a taste of culture they had never ever in a million years ever experienced, and Doc Bur-Ock was not terribly interested in getting more culture. Not when they had gazillionaires to steal from and political rallies to mess with.

But the thing was, the shining rodent signal they had seen in the sky was gone, and like it or not, Starlett had a good idea. Look for where this dealie could have come from. Even though the alley was dark, yet there was still enough light to see by, and to find no trace of any such thing that could have shined a signal like that in the sky. I mean, yeah, there's always the chance that there was a signal device up in the boat about ten feet over their heads, the boat that looked generic and didn't seem to have a name painted on its side. For all he knew, it was called "Boaty McBoatface." But no signal was where they could see it, and it's not like anyone had the vert or the parkour skills to get up there to check. "I don't see any signal, anywhere. Someone could check up there in the boat, if we had a ladder or something. But something tells me it's not up there."

(It was, in fact, something telling him. By chance, there happened to be a broken child's toy that you could wind up and it would speak, saying, "It's not up there." And it just coincidentally went off, right as Doc Bur-Ock finished speaking. It was lying down on its side, right next to the Conveniently Placed Corporation's Conveniently Placed Dumpster).

Some of the villains and heroes, like the Big Cheese and "Mommy Dearest," that maternally themed heroine with the multiple ~~henchmen~~ rugrats biting people, began assuming things about the signal. They thought that it was wombat shaped, and that some rogue Infinite had the powers of wombats and had attacked the old lady. And sure enough, there were two wombats conjoined as twins... but then they regained their natural form, and everyone could notice that they were Ed and Aesculapius. Doc Bur-Ock had seen weirder from them, so he wasn't phased. (He also didn't have intangibility-based powers, so he also wasn't phased in that sense either).

Captain Calculator and Glitch

The investigation of Mommy Dearest seemed right on target. There was the wad of money, the claw from some dangerous creature, the victim's final words... And she thought somehow that the little old lady had been robbed by a wombat. But everyone knows that wombats can't steal things. But her conclusions seemed pretty solid. Though, truth be told, when the granny had mentioned Fur, Calculator immediately thought back to a former member of the Infinites, Furman, who last he knew, had become a tour guide. But maybe not. Maybe Furman had turned evil, and had come back to Orient to get revenge on him by somehow attacking little old ladies. Yes... That could be something, he thought. And that would give the Minnesota Infinites a chance to prove that they were actual heroes and not just wannabes.

He was a little disappointed when so many people jumped to the conclusion that it had to be a wombat and not a horribly evilified Furman.

Glitch, on the other hand, was busy eating the clam chowder. He was one who never let good food go to waste, even if he happened to find it at a crime scene. Which usually didn't make for good hygiene habits or the respect of most others. But at the mention of the victim's word "wom...", Glitch looked up. "Whoa. Like I just had the thought of all rational, conscientious thoughts. And like, what if it was like, she was really bad at speaking at that point in her life, yuh know? And so she really meant to say, "Worm"? Like, worms live underground, dudes. And like, so do gila monsters sometimes. And then like, if the gila monsters in that documentary I saw that came up from the ground and were all giant like and smashing things came true here, first before that happened, there'd be like, worms. And so, like, Granny Schmidt here probably saw the worms coming up before she saw what really attacked her - a giant gila monster with the know-how to build and operate signal devices. And also, yeah, probably opposable thumbs, too, or how else would they operate it. Dude. Mark it down. That's what happened here!"

Calculator ignored him, and looked at the claw. It didn't look like anything he recognized, but it was broken off at one end. Huh. He took the money that had been given him by Mommy Dearest, and began to thumb through it. It was a lot of money. Maybe even a thousand bucks. Curious.

Meanwhile, the Teatotaler and the young roughians fell down into an open sewer, and there was a quiet moan coming from there.

However, just then, there was a siren and lights that came driving up. The EMTs from the 911 call had come. And they were joined with several police officers, all with their guns drawn! And it was then, that they heard Florida Man ask those fateful words,

The Last Abode of Pando wrote:Florida Man
David Adams

"What are you doing to this lovely old lady in this dark alley?"

Their guns drawn, the police officers saw the fallen lady who they assumed was dead, Captain Calculator and Mommy Dearest holding loads of money, Glitch eating clam chowder, and the overall general weirdness of a ghost symphony orchestra, flung cheese balls, and two conjoined-twins. Plus lots of weirdos in spandex. That seen, the officers in charge made up their minds, and called out, "FREEZE! You're under arrest!"

by **The Dark Brotherhood of Deros** » Sat Jun 02, 2018 1:42 pm

Joshua Finch "The Bubblemancer" - Near a random ally in Orient Minnesota

Well, this isn't how he thought his first day would go.

And it had started out so well too. Joshua had arrived at the Legion Hall that night, joined along with the pledge to the best of his ability, and listened closely to everything brought up in the meeting. He hadn't interacted with anybody though, because small talk really wasn't his thing. So he mostly just practiced creating different objects with his bubbles, and had managed to finally master a surprisingly detailed cat face when the strange signal appeared in the sky. Then he and the rest of the Infinites went on a journey to find the source of the signal, only to find a poor old woman beaten up in an alleyway.

All of this lead to the police arriving and completely misconstruing the situation. While the police were pointing their guns at the group, Joshua was nervously puffing away at the fancy black and brown pipe in his mouth, sending a constant stream of tiny bubbles into the air. What were they going to do? He couldn't afford to have a criminal record: he was supposed to be a hero! As the thought of him being locked away filled his mind, the bubbles emerging from his pipe began to take on the shape of tiny transparent prison cells, with tiny transparent prisoners inside of them, clanging their tiny transparent mugs against the bars.

With no other options available to him, he slowly looked at the rest of his group, and then struggling to piece a sentence together competently he said: "So... Uh... What now? I'm new here, so I don't, uh, don't know what the plan is."

by **Theocretes** » Sat Jun 02, 2018 2:47 pm

Talchyon wrote:The dark alley
Doc Bur-Ock

As the haunting music of Albinoni filled the dark alley, played by an equally haunting ghost symphony, Doc Bur-Ock did what he always did to music. He ignored it. After all, things of this nature gave the villains and the Infinites a taste of culture they had never ever in a million years ever experienced, and Doc Bur-Ock was not terribly interested in getting more culture. Not when they had gazillionaires to steal from and political rallies to mess with.

But the thing was, the shining rodent signal they had seen in the sky was gone, and like it or not, Starlett had a good idea. Look for where this dealie could have come from. Even though the alley was dark, yet there was still enough light to see by, and to find no trace of any such thing that could have shined a signal like that in the sky. I mean, yeah, there's always the chance that there was a signal device up in the boat about ten feet over their heads, the boat that looked generic and didn't seem to have a name painted on its side. For all he knew, it was called "Boaty McBoatface." But no signal was where they could see it, and it's not like anyone had the vert or the parkour skills to get up there to check. "I don't see any signal, anywhere. Someone could check up there in the boat, if we had a ladder or something. But something tells me it's not up there."

(It was, in fact, something telling him. By chance, there happened to be a broken child's toy that you could wind up and it would speak, saying, "It's not up there." And it just coincidentally went off, right as Doc Bur-Ock finished speaking. It was lying down on its side, right next to the Conveniently Placed Corporation's Conveniently Placed Dumpster).

Some of the villains and heroes, like the Big Cheese and "Mommy Dearest," that maternally themed heroine with the multiple ~~henchmen~~ rugrats biting people, began assuming things about the signal. They thought that it was wombat shaped, and that some rogue Infinite had the powers of wombats and had attacked the old lady. And sure enough, there were two wombats conjoined as twins... but then they regained their natural form, and everyone could notice that they were Ed and Aesculapius. Doc Bur-Ock had seen weirder from them, so he wasn't phased. (He also didn't have intangibility-based powers, so he also wasn't phased in that sense either).

Captain Calculator and Glitch

The investigation of Mommy Dearest seemed right on target. There was the wad of money, the claw from some dangerous creature, the victim's final words... And she thought somehow that the little old lady had been robbed by a wombat. But everyone knows that wombats can't steal things. But her conclusions seemed pretty solid. Though, truth be told, when the granny had mentioned Fur, Calculator immediately thought back to a former member of the Infinites, Furman, who last he knew, had become a tour guide. But maybe not. Maybe Furman had turned evil, and had come back to Orient to get revenge on him by somehow attacking little old ladies. Yes... That could be something, he thought. And that would give the Minnesota Infinites a chance to prove that they were actual heroes and not just wannabes.

He was a little disappointed when so many people jumped to the conclusion that it had to be a wombat and not a horribly evilified Furman.

Glitch, on the other hand, was busy eating the clam chowder. He was one who never let good food go to waste, even if he happened to find it at a crime scene. Which usually didn't make for good hygiene habits or the respect of most others. But at the mention of the victim's word "wom...", Glitch looked up. "Whoa. Like I just had the thought of all rational, conscientious thoughts. And like, what if it was like, she was really bad at speaking at that point in her life, yuh know? And so she really meant to say, "Worm"? Like, worms live underground, dudes. And like, so do gila monsters sometimes. And then like, if the gila monsters in that documentary I saw that came up from the ground and were all giant like and smashing things came true here, first before that happened, there'd be like, worms. And so, like, Granny Schmidt here probably saw the worms coming up before she saw what really attacked her - a giant gila monster with the know-how to build and operate signal devices. And also, yeah, probably opposable thumbs, too, or how else would they operate it. Dude. Mark it down. That's what happened here!"

Calculator ignored him, and looked at the claw. It didn't look like anything he recognized, but it was broken off at one end. Huh. He took the money that had been given him by Mommy Dearest, and began to thumb through it. It was a lot of money. Maybe even a thousand bucks. Curious.

Meanwhile, the Teatotaler and the young roughians fell down into an open sewer, and there was a quiet moan coming from there.

However, just then, there was a siren and lights that came driving up. The EMTs from the 911 call had come. And they were joined with several police officers, all with their guns drawn! And it was then, that they heard Florida Man ask those fateful words,

The Last Abode of Pando wrote:Florida Man
David Adams

"What are you doing to this lovely old lady in this dark alley?"

Their guns drawn, the police officers saw the fallen lady who they assumed was dead, Captain Calculator and Mommy Dearest holding loads of money, Glitch eating clam chowder, and the overall general weirdness of a ghost symphony orchestra, flung cheese balls, and two conjoined-twins. Plus lots of weirdos in spandex. That seen, the officers in charge made up their minds, and called out, "FREEZE! You're under arrest!"

Money Man crept from the shadows behind the police, he drew a sock full of coins out of his pocket and charged, knocking each one out with a mix of papercuts and bezerker-sock-rage.
Once he had gotten the last cop to the ground he slapped him several more times "DON'T...POINT...GUNS...AT...MY...FRIENDS!!"
Occasionally a hero, EMT, or one of his villainous compatriots would be sliced by the various dollar bills he had thrown about but other than that cops took the majority of his rage.
After the cops were no longer pointing their guns, Money Man observed what he had done, out of breath.
"Doc Bu-rock...I don't feel so good" He fainted

by **Talchyon** » Mon Jun 04, 2018 10:51 am

The dark alley with a bunch of assaulted police officers one victim several odd pieces of evidence and a guy eating clam chowder
Glitch

So, like, Dude. There are some times when the stars align up (not that that gives like some sort of cosmic empowering ability, but it makes for a neat observational effect on the senses, yuh know) and things happen that can't be undone. Like, when the Villain whose mantra must have been "Death by a thousand paper cuts of George Washingtons" went all like, super crazy attack on the police. And I was like, "Dude, you just commited like a felony!" Like, all I was doing was eating some scrumcheous clam chowder.

But like, the dude went all like kung-fu fighting, and his moves were as fast as lightning, or we were like stuck in some slow motion timewarp that somehow didn't effect him. Or like, Dude! I know what happened! I have the amazing ability to make things suck, yuh know? Only it just happens. I don't aim it or anything. So like, I think what I made suck this time was any of the police officers' chances at winning that particular battle scene. But then like, soon after, it like stopped. How do I know it stopped? That would be when three times as many backup police officers drove up, saw the fainting Currency dude, and then like, gang tackled him. There were like at least twenty police officers on him all at once! And it was like, "Dude, you are so going to jail. Good luck getting out of those handcuffs."

Captain Calculator

The normally heroic leader of the Minnesota Infinites was at a loss for words. First, the weird rodent yellow and black signal lured them here. But there was one of those old lady mugging victims here, talking about fur, with some unlikely pieces of evidence left. He had called 911 to get medical help for her, and then, just like that (!?), not only were the EMTs there, but also the police! Struggling to gain some understanding when Money Man went too OP on the 1st wave of police officers, followed by the 2nd wave coming up and gang-tackling him to the ground and putting handcuffs on him, Calculator finally had to ask.

"Wait. Wait. How did you guys get here so fast? I literally just called!"

The lead police officer in charge, a gruff looking older man, said, "We got an anonymous phone call about 10 minutes ago that there were three robbery victims in this alley. And they needed medical help too. But the caller said that more officers would be requested because there was a great chance of danger. Looks like they were right."

Calculator looked stunned, because he was. "I don't get it. Someone ELSE called you guys ten minutes ago?"

The detective simply nodded. "Look, I think we're going to need to talk downtown. Boys, put the cuffs on him. Her too," pointing at Mommy Dearest. Glaring at the rest of them, the detective growled, "I don't know what the heck happened here, but all of you are coming with us. You are all under arrest for several cases of assault, larceny, and resisting arrest. Don't push me. I've had a bad day already."

Of course, he could not be speaking to everyone there, because the Teetotaler and Mommy Dearest's children were still underground, having fallen through the open sewer opening...

by **Rhodonite** » Tue Jun 05, 2018 6:56 pm

Starlett, in some dark alley...

I just came here to fight some hero's (for the ratings), and I am feeling so attacked right now.

This had to be the worst day in Starlett's career. How could this be happening? It was like a line of falling dominoes. One by one, fragments of a reality where it was all a show, and nobody would actually get hurt, or have their life ruined: falling into the dust.

The police must've recognized her: after all, she did have one of the most flashy (but stylish) outfits in Minnesota. Part of her wanted to run, run as far as she could from the alley, and return to living as Janice Folby, a plain and clumsy receptionist. No mess, no regrets.

She didn't run. Holding her head up high, she listened to the policeman's orders, his voice barking like an overweight doberman. A faint glow from a flickering streetlight shined down like a cheap flashlight, illuminating the scene of the crime. An honorable and dramatic capture, after the worst work day in the history of villainess work days.

I wont be stuck like this for long. The show must go on, right? This couldn't be too bad, it's just an...unforseen plot twist! The best kind of plot twist, no doubt. Even if they try and send me to jail, I'll find a way to escape. Not to mention sign a few autographs l, of course. This town could use some excitement.

She was the first one shoved into the police car. Handled like luggage, she bumped her head on the roof of the car, leaving a noticeable dent above the car door. With a sigh, she slid into the back seat, peeling off her white gloves like they were leathery clouds. Taking out a (dollar store) nail file, she began working on filing her nails, a concerning amount of detail put into each finger. For once, (relative) silence from a villainess diva with indestructible red hair.

by **Auphelia** » Fri Jun 08, 2018 8:44 am

Talchyon wrote:
Captain Calculator

"Wait. Wait. How did you guys get here so fast? I literally just called!"

The lead police officer in charge, a gruff looking older man, said, "We got an anonymous phone call about 10 minutes ago that there were three robbery victims in this alley. And they needed medical help too. But the caller said that more officers would be requested because there was a great chance of danger. Looks like they were right."

Calculator looked stunned, because he was. "I don't get it. Someone ELSE called you guys ten minutes ago?"

The detective simply nodded. "Look, I think we're going to need to talk downtown. Boys, put the cuffs on him. Her too," pointing at Mommy Dearest. Glaring at the rest of them, the detective growled, "I don't know what the heck happened here, but all of you are coming with us. You are all under arrest for several cases of assault, larceny, and resisting arrest. Don't push me. I've had a bad day already."

Of course, he could not be speaking to everyone there, because the Teetotaler and Mommy Dearest's children were still underground, having fallen through the open sewer opening...

Mommy Dearest

She looked at the police officer cheerfully. This young man (his age is but a trivial matter!) needed to learn some manners.

"Now dear, you really shouldn't be so tense. And what have I said about hunching over like that! Oh here, let me fix that."

Despite the confused protests of the detective and three other officers trying to arrest her she got to work, spitting on her thumb to get some gook out of the corner of his eye, putting a metre stick to his spine to get him to straighten up, and giving him some pretzels and a spill-proof cup (the kind babies get) of juice because he looked peckish. She artfully twisted and dodged the three officers, each of them somehow handcuffed to each other.

"Now there you go! Though I must tell you, it isn't polite to try to arrest me! I am a perfect mother, and a perfect mother doesn't get arrested, now do we? Unless you're talking about Janice Kellerman on her bachelorette party to Las Vegas! Ha! She tries to act like it never happens, but everyone knows." She winks at the detective as she stands there, thoroughly bamboozled, his face scrunched up. "Hon, if you keep your face in that silly position it'll get stuck that way!"

Sally

She looks up from a stack of tour guide brochures that she had been looking at to find she had followed the others into an alley swarmed by police. Oh, what fun! She didn't feel very hungry, but she liked ice cream! Summoning an odd mix between a turtle, a rabbit, a snake, and a cow, she rode it forward until she was in front of a police car. She used one of the creature's massive claws to smash open the police car, ripping the entire roof off. She hopped in, settling down on the broken glass and giggling at the screaming officer who was unsuccessfully attempting to open their door, made impossible by the damage to the frame of the car.

"Hello miss! Can we go get the ice cream now?"

With another giggle she starts summoning puppies, and soon the car is filled with them and the surrounding alley is filled with frolicking puppies! Oh joy! With another thought butterflies and bunnies and kittens join in the fun. She likes this, she likes it a lot!

by **Zjaum** » Fri Jun 08, 2018 5:15 pm

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

Henry found the old... new... 2nd meeting place for the villains abandoned. Well, shucks, he thought they must've had something to do with it, or at least had answers. He reascended into the heavens and tried to find any abnormalities in the area. That said, it was pitch black, he didn't have any special eyesight, and the light was diverting his vision, making it quite difficult to see.
What's this? Was that a sound he heard, coming from the... huh. He didn't see that sailboat there before.

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

"WAAAAAH!"

Aubree couldn't stop from bawling her eyes out. She'd never gone to prison; she was a good little big girl her entire life, and now she was going to jail! "Please, officer, I'll do anything Well, I mean, within reason,, I'm too young to go to jail!" And she burst out into tears as the police officers hesistated and promptly dragged her into the paddy wagon. "Wow, she's really good at faking it," said one officer. "I almost thought she wasn't criminal scum for a second."

As the scene was unfolding beneath him, Henry had decided to float down through the alley corridor and hide out in the sailboat. That was one of the better advantages of three-dimensional thinking. Still, he'd heard enough as he was approaching to understand the gist of the situation. Whatever superpowered factions there were in Orient, Minnesota, there was a third party in play.
That said, he didn't really care much for any of them, save for (maybe) Aubree. And even that was just from previous history. Perhaps he should help them...
"I swear, officer! I didn't steal that pizza! It fell from the sky! Honest, sir!"
On the other hand, this boat seemed very cozy. Even comfier than his home a few miles out. It would be such a waste to not take advantage of this opportunity and play some... tetris. Freaking flip phones.
As Henry began to doze off, he noticed the nice big sail. Now, there was some quality fabric! He could use that for a spare parachute, if the need arose! Making sure that nobody looked, he grabbed the sail and shoved as much of it as he could into his backpack, letting the rest hang off the side. Other people might say he's a pack rat, but other people don't have an extra three or four square yards of high-quality fabric in their respective backpacks.

Meanwhile, Aubree looked through the metal-crossed glass of the police car and began to tell them everything she'd done, desperately bargaining. "I was the one who threw that juice box into the river! Once, in elementary school, I borrowed Mrs. Lundgren's scissors and never gave them back because it was the last day of school! Oh, please, have mercy, officers!"
The police officers exchanged glances. "Yeah, I don't think I'm fit to forgive your sins, honey."
"On the contrary!" stated the second in an Irish accent. "I'm a priest on the side! It's all right if you confess your sins, my child. God is listening."
The first glared at her companion, and Aubree continued without heeding either of them. "I snuck up behind my sister and gave her a hug once... I'm sorry for being sneaky!!!"

The Infinites: The Dork Knight (Comedy, Supers, Dead) - IC

The Infinites: The Dork Knight (Comedy, Supers, Dead) - IC

Who is online