The Roman Empire

[Th Empire of Wymondham]

That apology was on the level of the Jake Paul suicide forest apology

No, this makes the Jake Paul suicide forest apology look like a heartfelt tearful apology with flowers

[Blood Wine]

That apology was on the level of the Jake Paul suicide forest apology

No, this makes the Jake Paul suicide forest apology look like a heartfelt tearful apology with flowers

Well yeah, at least in his case he eventually donated like a mil to charity

[Tinhampton]

or, more specifically, from World Assembly Delegate Tinhampton:

As of recently, the despicable actions of Emperor Plagentine and Legatus Festavo have come to my attention. It must be said that, as a region where we have seen "a small group of trusted people" try and fail to lay everything to waste ourselves, we must realise that there is indeed a breaking point - take Puma Gradualness putting words into Frenchy's mouth as an excuse to unsuccessfully evacuate our region, for instance - which will force us to seriously reconsider our options.
Inclusion and tolerance may know no bounds, a theory that we ourselves practice in the Union, but hatred - as we have observed here - can only point to a brick wall. Although we will usually grant access to those people who wish us no harm, it is clear that those with the potential to pour the sweet milk of concord into hell should not be offered those same privileges.
It is with little surprise, therefore, that we here at the Union of Liberal Nations strongly condemn the recent string of remarks made by aforementioned bodies. I have likewise been given dispensation by President Spaceania, as well as Founder and Military Commander The Great French State, to declare Festavo, Plagentine and all of their puppets PERSONA NON GRATA from the Union of Liberal Nations.

[Roman Reporter]

(The villain of this story. Just look at him...so smug.)

EXT. BARBARIAN VILLAGE - DAY

EMPEROR PLAGENTINE and LEGIONARY HEARTHSTONERS lay up against a hut pinned down by enemy archers.

PLAGENTINE:
With guns not being around yet and all, I was hoping I would never be put into this spot. Apparently being pinned down by fucking arrows is a thing.

PLAGENTINE extends his sword out into the open and it is immediately struck by an arrow.

PLAGENTINE:
(sigh)
Looks like they had range practice. Any ideas, Hearthy, or is it up to me to get us out of this mess?

HEARTHSTONERS:
Um...I could run up to them and hit them with my sword.

PLAGENTINE:
That's certainly a plan. High risk. Low reward. Kind of like clicking on an advertisement for male enhancement. We're lucky that those won't be an issue for a long time.

BYROMS:
I have a plan!

SIGNIFIER BYROMS and LEGIONARY PONTUSIA are taking cover behind a chariot not too far from the hut.

PLAGENTINE:
Let's hear it, knockoff Ayn Rand.

BYROMS:
I could flank them while you guys keep their focus over here.

PLAGENTINE:
Really? That's even worse than Hearth's idea. I've killed soldiers for doing that.

BYROMS:
You've killed soldiers for flanking? That's a common miliary maneuver.

PLAGENTINE:
Flanking? Oh! I thought you said planking. That's much better. I have an even better idea though...just give me a moment to think. In the meantime, let's rewind this pickle back to when it was a cucumber.


INT. EMPEROR'S THRONE ROOM - ONE DAY EARLIER

PLAGENTINE and LEGATUS FESTAVO are sitting at a table made of solid gold feasting on delicious food and drinking fine wine.

PLAGENTINE:
These fucking barbarians, man. They just need to give up. We have the superior culture, the superior class, and the superior wealth.

FESTAVO:
And the superior leader.

PLAGENTINE:
Preach. Anyway, I feel the urge to spill some blood. This time I'm not referring to kinky time either. It's time to raid some of those uncultured swine.

FESTAVO:
Right on.

PLAGENTINE:
Want to join me on my quest to enlighten the masses?

FESTAVO:
(shaking head)
Nah, man. I'm not feeling like it today. You got this, bruh.

PLAGENTINE:
Fine. You can write the report on our victories then, you lazy bum.


EXT. BARBARIAN VILLAGE - DAY

PLAGENTINE:
Welcome back to regular programming. Now that you see how this all started, it's time to get to the resolution of the conflict like any good story would. My solution is very simple: be a badass. Watch and learn, kiddos.

PLAGENTINE turns around and punches the hut, breaking through to the inside. He punches through several more times to make a bigger hole and then finally pulls out a bow and three arrows.

PLAGENTINE:
Convenient for the plot isn't it? You're goddamn right it is.

PLAGENTINE puts all three arrows into position on the bow and jumps out into the open. Matrix dodging the enemy arrows while still in mid-air, he lines up his perfect shot. He pulls back on his bow and, still in the air for an abnormally long time, he fires all 3 at once. The arrows zoom through the air and find their home in each of the three barbarian archers before PLAGENTINE finally lands on the ground.

PLAGENTINE:
Can somebody say "plot armor"?

The Roman Heroes:
Emperor Plagentine
Signifer Byroms
Legionary Hearthstoners
Legionary Pontusia

The Uncultured Resistance:
0000000000 The League Of Evil
Nozw
The Land Of Eight Hills
International Liberty Coalition
The Arumbian Empire
Japanese Pan Asian Co Prosperity Sphere
Unite Nations Of Bygone
Commonwealth
Searaf
The South
Unicornsss Land
New United Nations Of The Gator Empire
Magna Orbis Terrarum
Newest Terrio
Cleyra
Hellenic Imperial Order
The Alliance Of Aeronodia
The New Coming Of Communism
Defendants Of Civilian Peace

[Indo-Malaysia]

Plagentine is still around?

[Malphe]

Plagentine is still around?

Looks like he's trying to continue business as usual. Brush off the controversy.

[Felt Karpit]

Plagentine is still around?

I dunno, I don't see him anywhere.

[Brittania-Byzantine]

At least Logan Paul took time off to "reflect" on his actions, TRE out here just brushing it off like nothing happened, while giving a Logan Paul class apology. Save what reputation you have left and remove Plagentine from leadership somehow. Otherwise TRE will forever be known as the region of just pure intolerance and hate. Its for your own good.

[Nocryae]

[na]

[RiderSyl]

A report that styles itself like a chat log between Plagentine, Festavo, and others?
Guys, I think TRE is tone deaf...

[Consular]

Meh their "apology" already showed us they don't care.

[Kaboomlandia]

It's unfortunate that the rules mean they can't be reported for any of this, especially Fest who nearly got permabanned two years ago.

[Syberis]

"Superior Class"

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

[The Noble Thatcherites]

PLAGENTINE:
These fucking barbarians, man. They just need to give up. We have the superior culture, the superior class, and the superior wealth.

FESTAVO:
And the superior leader.

PLAGENTINE:
Preach.

This is a joke, right? It’s increasingly getting harder to tell the difference with the two of you.

[Syberis]

PLAGENTINE:
These fucking barbarians, man. They just need to give up. We have the superior culture, the superior class, and the superior wealth.

FESTAVO:
And the superior leader.

PLAGENTINE:
Preach.

This is a joke, right?

I'd say it's supposed to be self-aware, self-deprecating dark humor, but that would require the region to have self-awareness.

TRE's stance, as proven by this post, is "We apologized, so everything's okay. Anyone still upset is unreasonable or just scoring political points"

[Blood Wine]

The only thing missing from this situation is a dead body hanging from a tree

And ofcourse the tearjerking apology video, sadly in their case no celebs would defend their actions

[Roman Reporter]

(Barbarians harm us all in many ways in modern society...)

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DAY

"2018" is superimposed on the screen for a moment.

The rolling fields of beautiful countryside and the vibrant green grass are in view. There is a gentle breeze flowing and the blades of grass sway with the wind. A camera is directed at a man wearing a finely tailored suit, PLAGENTINE. There are some people behind the camera who are operating it or observing the shoot.

PLAGENTINE:
Fellow Romans, I am here today in this beautiful field to talk to you about an issue that is important to many of us: our environment. Just looking at the immense beauty of nature that I am surrounded by right now gives me only two thoughts. Number one: the lushousness of this field is only rivaled by that of my poodle's hair. Number two: we have to preserve this breathtaking landscape and all others like it. Unfortunately, it is a horrifying truth that some people want to destroy gorgeous scenery like this and harm nature. They are motivated by greed and pure evil and they are barbarians unsurprisingly. We took action yesterday morning by seizing a facility that is being used by the barbarians to pollute our environment and destroy your babies. Yes, I said it. They are destroying your babies by polluting our air and water. These are some sick bastards and we have successfully defended the facility from two barbarian attempts to take it back and resume their evil plot. We will not falter and we will not rest until their facility is destroyed and reborn like a goddamn phoenix as a wind farm or a recycling plant. Thank you for your time and God bless myself.

PLAGENTINE lets out a sigh of relief as the camera stops rolling. A Hummer pulls up next to PLAGENTINE who enters it and then it pulls off, leaving torn up grass and mud in its wake.

INT. HUMMER - DAY

PLAGENTINE sits in the back seat of the Hummer beside his dashing Legatus, FESTAVO.

PLAGENTINE:
We're lucky that we could paint this shit as protecting the environment. People eat that shit up nowadays.

FESTAVO:
I know right? I understand why you were skeptical at first but that dude was right. That facility was full of the bastards.

PLAGENTINE:
Why'd you have faith in him so early anyway?

FESTAVO:
The guy is named Blade, man. That's a badass name. Plus he reminds me of Wesley Snipes and it reminded me of how that poor dude went to jail for not letting the government steal from him. I felt bad.

PLAGENTINE:
Whatever, man. I can't believe that vampires are actually fucking real though. That shit is crazy. That Blade guy goes through them like they are cheap toilet paper though. It won't be long before we see what's in that vault and then we can destroy the whole thing and put that tree hugger thing on top of it for good PR.

FESTAVO:
This isn't the end of it according to Blade though. He says there are many more of those vampires out there.

PLAGENTINE:
We'll take them out too. Those things creep me out. They are uncivilized and barbaric.

Just then a VAMPIRE crashes through the sun roof into the Hummer. He is wielding a handgun and aims it at PLAGENTINE.

VAMPIRE:
You will pay for your crimes against the Vampire underground!

PLAGENTINE:
Where the motherfuck did you come from?!

FESTAVO:
(begins singing) Oh, I feel it...coming back again...like a rolling thunder chasing the wind...forces pulling from the center of the earth again...I can feel iiiit.

The VAMPIRE is now confused and turns to look at FESTAVO. PLAGENTINE seizes this opportunity and grabs the handgun pointed at his face and smacks the VAMPIRE with it.

PLAGENTINE:
Bullets won't kill this thing! I need silver!

FESTAVO thinks quick and removes his silver cuff links. The VAMPIRE opens his mouth and attempts to go in and bite PLAGENTINE, but FESTAVO uses this opportunity to jam the silver cuff links into the VAMPIRE's mouth. The silver causes the VAMPIRE to choke and it burns inside him. PLAGENTINE opens up the car door and FESTAVO punches the VAMPIRE out of the Hummer.

FESTAVO:
So uncivilized.

PLAGENTINE closes the car door and they each laugh as they drive off and the VAMPIRE dies in the street behind them.


ROLL CREDITS

The Vampire Haven:
The Monarchist Entente

The Vampire Killers:
Emperor Plagentine
Legatus Festavo the Enigma
Optio Chelvo
Signifer Byroms
Legionary Roman Conquerus
Legionary Free Uzbekistan
Legionary Wicoirien
Legionary The New Umayyad Sultanate
Dear Leader Gest II from The Invaders
And 83 other environmentally conscious warriors for the cause from The Roman Empire, The Invaders, and the USSF.

Failed liberation attempts: 2.
Roman superiority: confirmed.

[Tim-Opolis]

Don't let the flashy report distract you from the fact that The Roman Empire, their pals The Invaders, and the founder of USSD are widely condemned and blacklisted by the Gameplay community for toxic behavior and actions.

These are not regions worth working with. Their accomplishments are not worth respecting. Their Officers should be welcome nowhere. They deserve nothing but to fall into irrelevance, and be forever forgotten by everyone.

[RiderSyl]

Might as well call them the Blacklisted Armed Forces.

[Blood Wine]

Official GP community shitlist:
Nazi's
Kaiserreich
The Roman Empire

[RiderSyl]

Official GP community shitlist:
Nazi's
Kaiserreich
The Roman Empire

Ya, I guess KR and Nazi Europa would need to pitch in for it to be the ultimate Blacklisted Armed Forces.

[Th Empire of Wymondham]

Honestly this attitude of "we "apologised" now get over it" just shows a typical lack of class from the TRE leadership and has made me lose what minute semblance of respect I had for them after what they said, it saddens me that these people are still allowed in some reasons and I implore those regions who have not already blacklisted them to blacklist them in the interests of dignity, respect and the right of people everywhere regardless of their sexual orientation to be free from abuse

[Strategoi]

They deserve nothing but to fall into irrelevance, and be forever forgotten by everyone.

Yet you and 70 other defenders engaged in at least the following:

- 2 unsuccessful liberations
- Filling up the native Regional Message Board with meaningless conversation
- Urging occupying forces to withdraw from the invasion through both public and private means
- Drafting a Security Council Liberation in anticipation of giving up on freeing the region through traditional methods

You can preach all you want on the opera box here, but your actions reveal that you don't care about delegitimizating The Roman Empire. And for some reason, that's no surprise.

[RiderSyl]

The Roman Empire has already been delegitimized. "Let them conduct operations or else you're legitimizing them!" is a cute ploy, but no. They don't get a free pass during update.
The Invaders were already blacklisted for other reasons, but by standing up for The Roman Empire, you guys are really crossing a line you can't come back from.
Honestly, USSD and namely Vetelo need to think long and hard about this grouping. There is a lot he and his region are seen unfavorably for, but I know he's smart enough to see this is a road he shouldn't travel down. It's just a matter of choice.

[Strategoi]

"Let them conduct operations or else you're legitimizing them!" is a cute ploy, but no. They don't get a free pass during update.

The only way you can remain on that lofted platform of yours is if you ignore their actions completely.

But I can see your point. If all their operations can be quashed at first sight, that'd be neat. But when you're caught red-faced like in this instance and in future instances, the least you're doing is galvanizing loyal followers more and granting them that taste of victory that keeps militaries strong. Nazi regions encounter this, but their losing record will always be tremendously greater.

It's a high-risk low-reward dilemma, and I certainly can't tell you how to go about doing things. It's just something worth remarking about the hypocrisy of "delegitimization".